#BUT if I do wear baggy clothes I want to at least be more intentional with it and not look like I just threw something on

[blu-bat]

thinking about my relationship with fashion and being nonbinary and being black and I simply can't forgive the white queers for making me think the "default" nonbinary was just being skinny and masc

but also shoutout to all the nonbinary poc (especially black nonbines) that break that stigma. goes to show that even in the grander scheme of the alphabet mafia you still need your own communities to resonate with

[loveluvrs]

not enough l max verstappen x reader

request/summary – Hi! Can I request for an angsty Max Verstappen x Reader where she is just a normal girl y’know not the “supermodel” type like the other WAGs and she also leads a normal life with a normal job, thus why she got so much hate from the media and the fangirls. Never quite fit in with the other WAGs either. At some point it’s all getting too much and she decided to break up with Max because she truly believes that she’s not meant for this life but then she saw Max stands up for her during a press conference?? I had this scenario in mind while listening to Gold Rush by Taylor Swift, if that also helps! Thank you <3

author's notes – HELLO??/ LANDO WIN??? IM SO PROUD OF HIM! do expect another fic coming out this weekend around lando's win. it will be self indulgent about reader missing the race 🤕 keep an eye out but enjoy this in the meantime and keep sending in requests!!

Max and I sat in our hotel room the night before the race weekend started. I was sat on the floor as I tried to help Max with unpacking his suitcase. I had, by some miracle, convinced my lovely (but not exactly fashionable) boyfriend to wear some non-Red Bull clothes for once to the paddock. He reluctantly agreed, since he knew I barely come to races with him due to my tight schedule, and this was the least he could do for me. 

“Okay, idea. How about, you wear the Miami GP button up…and then the black jeans I bought with you, the baggy ones, and then your usual shoes? Not too much out of your comfort zone, I hope?” I ask with excitement as I look back up towards him. 

“And what if I don’t like it?” He asks, clearly unsure of the whole idea. I nod understandingly. “Well, I mean, of course you don’t have to, Maxie. But I just thought it’d be fun. But you don’t have to if you don’t want to,” I say softly as I try and search his face for any signs for the reason to his reluctance. 

I watched as his head dropped down to his lap. “And what if I look stupid in it?” He asks quietly. I immediately felt my heart melt. “Baby, why ever would you think that? You’ll look great in it, promise. But it’s okay if you don’t want to, we can try again some other time, okay?” I say softly as I interlock our hands to comfort him. He nodded. 

——

When we got to the paddock, I felt a little out of place, knowing all the other WAGs would be there. Max notices me fidgeting nervously with my fingers, and he brings my hand to his lips, placing a gentle kiss on it before intertwining our fingers. During all the practice sessions, quali, and the race, I felt awfully like an outsider. All the other girls were supermodels, and very conventionally attractive. I felt like the stand out amongst them, and not in a good way. They all talked with each other earnestly about the newest dress shop they just found, and while they had no malicious intentions of leaving me out, it just didn’t work with my humor and their tastes. 

With a sigh, I go roam the paddock. Max finds me afterwards, a little confused. “Hey schatje, I thought you were with the other girlfriends?” He asks softly as his arm slings around my shoulders to bring me with him as he walks to the garage. I try and brush off the left out feeling I had from earlier and just shrug. “I was just getting a little bored, nothing much,” I say as I shoot him a quick smile. “You sure?” He asks with raised brows as he looks at me knowingly. I nod with a hum, giving him a kiss before I send him off to his meetings. 

After the race, Max flies to Monaco for the next race, and I fly back to the UK to my place as I didn’t have any more days off. I open my phone a few days after, scrolling on twitter as usual. I felt my heart sink a little as I see a tweet with all of the WAGs being spotted hanging out. I felt my stomach churn at the way their skin glowed, and their clothes hung off their figures so delicately yet so effortlessly. It was stupid to feel jealous of them, I knew it was. But it was also stupid of me to think I could ever have been a part of the same category they were. And unfortunately, the replies to the tweet all agreed. 

maxfan93739 – I wonder why max’s girl isn’t there? 

georgeschassis – why would she be there? she’s not even a model?

dutchlion – I don’t even think she’s talked to them before

landosbandage – yeah she’s not like the other gfs, she usually keeps to herself

I turned off my phone, unable to think straight. Max called me that night to let me know that he got his schedule cleared by some miracle and was gonna fly out to be with me in the morning, but I had already fallen asleep from exhaustion. I hadn’t ate the whole day, staying in my bed under the covers, burying myself from everything and everyone until my eyes closed from fatigue. 

I woke up the familiar sound of Max playing with my cat in the morning, a few laughs from him. I felt like I was going to throw up, so dizzy that I didn’t even question the fact that Max was at my place so suddenly. I opened up my phone to the usual tweets, and I couldn’t stop myself from searching up my name, seeing what people were saying about me. 

she’s so much fatter and shorter than the other gfs, don’t know why max is with her….. 

annoying people attract annoying people ig……. 

Max is a three time world champion, he shouldn’t be with an ugly girl whose using him for his money and fame……

we’ve never even seen her support him in public, she plays it off as being introverted and shy as if we don’t know what she’s doing. 

I slam my phone face down as I hear Max’s voice. “Schat? Hey, I didn’t know you were awake. I called you last night to tell you I was gonna fly in last minute, but I think you already fell asleep, right?” Max asks with no suspicion of what I was just doing. I nodded. “You want some breakfast, love? I ordered in some waffles from that place you love?” He asks excitedly. 

I stay silent for a moment, thinking of the tweets. “Uh, you know what? I think I’ll skip out on breakfast today,” I say with a nonchalant smile. His smile falters. “Baby, you need to have breakfast or else you’ll be hungry. It’s not healthy,” he says as his voice softens. “No no no, I know, Maxie. I just had a really heavy dinner last night. Like really heavy. If I need a snack before I’ll lunch I’ll take it, don’t worry,” I say to try and convince him. I hold my breath as he scans me, thinking about my answer, before finally nodding and accepting it. “You tell me if you need a snack, alright?” He says as he presses a kiss on my forehead. 

This kept going on for many days, me making excuses about my meals like me eating when he was working out, or having a snack earlier, or that I felt super full from the last meal. Finally, one morning Max confronts me. 

He walks up to me while I’m sitting on the couch, my cat in my lap as I’m petting it. “Schatje, we need to talk. I know exactly what you’re doing. You’ve barely been eating, my love, what’s going on?” He asks with concern lacing his voice as he sits down next to me. 

I stiffen slightly, my stomach knotting up as I think about what he’s referring to. “Why don’t you ask twitter?” I say coldly. I see him sigh immediately, pursing his lips. “You know twitter isn’t good to listen to. It’s all bullshit, love,” he says as he tries to reach his arm out to me. I pull away, letting my cat go as I stand up. 

“Max, this is exhausting. I cannot constantly feel like every part of me is ugly because of the other WAGs being so stupidly beautiful because they’re models. I cannot handle being in the spotlight and having every single mannerism of mine criticized, every fluctuation in weight pinpointed and spotlighted for the world to see. I can’t do….. this,” I say with a sigh. 

He takes a few minutes to process what I’ve just said. “You can’t do…. us? Is that what you’re saying?”

I gulp, my silence being enough of an answer for him. “Oh come on, you can’t be serious. You’re gorgeous, and I don’t care that other girlfriends are models. I only care about you. Please, we can make this work,” he pleads softly. 

I shake my head. “I’ve been trying, Max. I’ve been trying to make it work this whole time. It’s just not happening. It’s too much for me. I need time away from it all.”

“You’re doing this to yourself, it doesn’t have to be like this,” he mutters with a voice of frustration.

I felt my eyes roll in frustration. “You just don’t get it! I wish so badly the I could just, not care the way you do, but unfortunately I care very very much about what they all say! And don’t you fucking dare blame this on me!” I snapped at him unintentionally, hurt that he’s blaming me right now when I very clearly needed him right now.

“I’m not trying to blame you! But why don’t you believe me? That I’ll protect you from it all like I have been doing! You don’t need to break up with me for this, for fuck’s sake,” he mutters out, his voice slightly raising now. 

I felt myself hold back tears in the back of my throat, not used to the angry tone my boyfriend was using, as I flinched at his tone. I sniffled, trying to hold back the tears with a shaky breath.

He takes a few seconds before he sighs, unable to change my mind. He clenches his jaw, slamming the door to our bedroom. By morning, all his stuff, including him, were gone from my place. 

Soon enough, the fans noticed. Noticed that I was no longer liking and commenting under Max’s posts, that I was no longer interrupting his streams, that Max didn’t talk about me much anymore. 

 A media reporter came up to Max during the race weekend for an interview. At the end, he asked, “It looks like you and your partner are not talking anymore, no?”

Max brushed it off casually in the way he always does about private matters to the media. “Uh, well, every relationship has its ups and down, you know? But that is something I prefer to keep private.”

“Well, better to be rid of her,” the reporter says jokingly. Max’s eyes suddenly shifted into a more serious tone. “No? She’s amazing and gorgeous and kind and intelligent. So no, it’s my loss, really. And either way,  you have no right to talk about any woman like that,” he says firmly before walking off. 

[paperclip-skz]

Satisfied

fem*Reader x Changbin

YOU have been stressed from work and just life in general....not to mention you've had the hardest time trying to get off for the past few days. But, fatefully, your wifi goes out in your apartment, so you go to your friend just to use his wifi. So, why can't you focus?

*WARNING*

contains: fingering, over-clothes stimulation, teasing, names (bunny), and consent was mentioned, let me know if I missed anything.

WC: 1.5k

****

Your muscles tense with agony. The last few days have consisted of you trying your absolute hardest to get off. Porn is a no-go, smut isn’t helping, and your imagination has run blank, it's beyond frustrating. Having to deal with this problem AND having to work is making your body physically shrivel up. 

At the moment you're sitting on the couch with a mindless TV show in the background, you stopped paying attention a while ago, your computer taking up the entirety of your view. The bright glow of the computer consumes you until you hear a loud bang coming from the TV. It was loud enough to lift your head up from your computer to look at the tv, it's another action scene, but it sucks up enough of your attention. 

“What are you doing?” Your head whips around fast to see Changbin in a fitted T-shirt and baggy gym shorts enter the room. Compared to you, both your outfits seemed comfortable. You were wearing a black tank top and shorts and your hair was pinned up in a messy bun, while your glasses rested on the bridge of your nose. It was hot and both of you had no intention of leaving the house. 

“Nothing, just working” you resume to the document you were working on. 

You were just using your friend’s Wifi, for the time being, yours had unexpectedly just stopped working. Your friend offered for you to use his, at least for today, so you could get some work done. 

“You look tense” You are tense, tense from all the denied orgasms, tense from your workload, tense that you can’t get yourself off! His simple words make you verbally groan and close your computer in annoyance. It makes Changbin jump, did he do something wrong?

You look back at him, noticing his worried eyes, “Sorry, I’m just stressed.”

His body relaxes slightly, realizing that he didn’t do anything wrong, but his brain still ponders on how he could help you. 

Maybe he can help you. Hurriedly he comes around to the couch sitting right beside you and slamming his hands on his thighs. You look at him confused. He sighs and grabs you by your feet to guide your legs across his thighs. It makes you yelp and he only giggles at the sound. Your body is completely turned to face him while your back rests comfortably on the couch. Changbin starts to rub gentle circles over your exposed legs. 

A mix of emotions runs through you; confusion and enjoyment battle each other out in your mind. As Changbin's hands gently dig into your skin, all your confusion is thrown out the window and is replaced by pure relaxation. 

The tense muscles in your legs begin to melt away as he continues his tender assault. Your body starts to sink into the couch, the cushions enveloping your body. 

“Feel good?” he asks, and even though your eyes are closed you can hear the cheekiness in his tone. 

You sigh as a confirmation. His hands roam from your thighs to your legs and ride back up to your mid-thigh. Making sure not to reach any place that would make you uncomfortable, but also keeping in mind all your tense spots. 

But it's not enough, his hands feel too good and your muscles are only starting to relax. If you really want to relieve this stress you need to feel it more. “Higher” Your nose scrunches when you feel his movements halt. 

“Are you sure?” 

“Please Bin, I’m really stressed right now and this is actually helping” You can tell he’s still not sure by the way his brows furrow and how he watches his hand on your skin. “If you're not okay with this then tell me now, but please Binnie. This is actually really helping” 

He can see the plea in your eyes, how can he say no when you call him that name? “Okay, turn on your stomach.” 

At first, you're confused, but you comply, taking your bun out and glasses off in the process. Now, you're lying on your stomach, completely facing down, while Changbin cages his thighs on top of you. He presses the palms of his hands down onto the middle of your back and slowly messages. 

The pressure makes you groan, it's a relief you didn’t really comprehend you needed. You can feel his body slowly relax onto your legs as he works pressure into your tense body. Sighs leave your lips and your eyes close shut.

Changbin can see the way your body reacts to his touch and it’s physical torture for him. He can feel you relax and melt into his touch. He wants to keep touching you, but he wants more. He loves the signs that leave your lips, but he wants to hear more than just moans. 

Another small sigh leaves your parted lips when his hand reaches your lower back. “Is it alright if I go lower?” you hum in acknowledgment. 

Changbin wiggles his way down your body, this way his hands have perfect access to the lower half of your body. His hands work their way down your body, rubbing, squeezing, and caressing each muscle. He works his way from your thighs to the curve of your ass, to your hips. 

The pleasure of his hands on your skin overwhelms your senses and the relaxing feeling of the pressure has subsided, now the only feeling you can focus on is the immense need to feel his skin on yours. The thought makes a moan slip.

 Both of you are too stunned to speak. You're too embarrassed to make any excuse, so you just close your eyes and pray that he didn’t hear it. 

But he definitely did. That sound almost made him groan, but he refrained knowing he wanted to make this moment last as long as possible. 

So instead of saying anything, he continued meddling with your clothed body. He moved his hands slightly further up to rub where your folds met your thighs. 

The sudden feeling of the pads of his fingers touching your most sensitive area made you gasp. Feeling the tip of his finger slide up and down made you feel just how soaked you were. You didn’t realize how desperate you were until you started moaning and shivering in his touch. He hasn’t even truly touched you yet. 

You can feel the tips of his fingers reach for the rim of your shorts, you lift your hips as a silent confirmation for him to keep going. Within seconds he is ripping your shorts and underwear away from your body and kneading your exposed skin. 

Suddenly you feel the sharp sting of his palm slapping your ass, the pain quickly is replaced by pleasure as he rubs the same spot. You didn’t expect the sound to leave your lips, the sudden gasp turned into a moan, it both surprised you, but it only encouraged Chanbin to keep going.

His fingers dig into your skin, surly he’ll leave marks in the morning. His fingers briskly find their way back to your soaked folds, rubbing them expertly. “Tell me you want me to keep going” 

The thought he still has your consent in his mind add warmth to the pleasure he’s giving you, “please”

His fingers press a little hard against your folds making them slip down to your clit. “Jesus you're dripping. I can feel it through your shorts.” he’s right, you are soaked, more soaked than you have been in the past few days. 

“More. please. More” words are muffled into single responses, the pleasure making your brain foggy. 

“More? You want more?” you nod your head as a simple response. “Then lift this pretty ass” you oblige without a single obligation, lifting your hips so he can glide your shorts off your body, leaving you naked from the waist down in front of him. 

His fingers skillfully find the little thrumming bead, but he doesn’t stay there for long. A single digit tests your flooded entrance, dipping just a tiny only a single finger in. relief washes over you, you didn’t realize how much you needed this. 

Delicately he plays with the insides of your walls, sliding his digit in and out of you, and curling the tip of his finger. His little game is making you squirm in his touch. Without warning he adds another finger and starts pumping the two digits into you. Finding a delicious pace. 

Sigh and moans mix as one in an unforgettable song. 

His thumb comes into play as it finds the desperate bead begging for attention. His fingers and thumb continue their mix while pleasure surges through you. You’ve held out for so long, the tension building up within you for too long, and his fingers play such a torturous game. It's not long before you're barrelling over the edge with a scream of his name. 

His movements slow, but he keeps his fingers securely inside you. Your walls clench around his fingers still feeling the afteraffects of your orgasam. “Oh bunny, did you think I was finished with you?”

You tilt your head to the side, trying to get a better look at him. “You have no idea how long I’ve waited to touch you. I’m not letting you go until both of us are undoubtedly satisfied” 

a/n: I know I haven't posted in a while, I've been working on like 8 stories at once. I have no idea when these other ones are gonna get done \_* *_/...but they are in the works! And they are pretty good...and long. This is one I've had on the back burner for a while, I don't know how "proud" I am of it...idk I want to know what ya'll think.

[bloody-cupcakes]

Yandere/dark Missy/Gomez! Master x reader; she fingers you while you're trying to sleep

Tw: yandere/dark content, noncon/dubcon, nsfw/smut, mean femdom, afab reader, vaginal fingering, implied kidnapping/Stockholm syndrome, Missy uses pet names for the reader (in a degrading way) such as poppet, pet, and love, Missy refers to herself as Mummy and Mistress, the reader refers to Missy as Mommy several times and Mistress once

You were curled up, sleeping soundly in the bed you shared with Missy, something that she'd insisted after affectively taking you from your home with no intention of returning you. You were wearing a very loose and baggy t-shirt as pajamas, with nothing underneath. She'd insisted on that, too.

Actually, she'd originally suggested you wear nothing to bed at all, but there were some places where you had to draw the line. Missy thought it was cute how you tried to make yourself seem intimidating and no nonsense when she brought it up; despite your best efforts, it was hard for her to take you seriously.

Still, she wanted to make you feel as though you had at least some control over the situation (even if you really didn't), so she relented and agreed that you were allowed to wear one article of clothing to sleep in. You were certain the TARDIS wardrobe had much more options to choose from, but the selection she gave you was small, so you were stuck with what you got.

It was bad enough being forced to wear so little, and the cold temperature in the room certainly didn't help. You'd pressed your body as close to hers on the bed as possible in hopes of staying warm, not missing the amused chuckle she'd let out when you did so.

After what seemed like ages you were finally able to fall asleep, but your moment of peaceful bliss didn't last very long when you felt Missy's meticulously manicured nails drag across the skin of your upper thigh. You tried to ignore it, but it became harder and harder the further up her fingers creeped.

You let out a sigh of relief when she pulled her hand away, but you should've know she wouldn't stop there; a few minutes later her hand returned, pulling your t-shirt up to your stomach. Although you couldn't see it, you could just imagine the way she was most likely grinning with glee at your most sensitive area being exposed for her own personal enjoyment.

"My, my, poppet, what a pretty little thing you are underneath that dreadful old piece of fabric," she cooed as she began to tease your folds with her fingertips. You cursed yourself inwardly for just how wet you'd already gotten, as that was something you definitely wouldn't be able to hide from her in this moment.

"N- No more, Missy... 'm tryin' to sleep..." You mumbled out tiredly, attempting to shift your body away from hers on the bed. She tsked at you in disapproval, using her free hand to wrap around your hip and hold you in place.

"Now, now, stay still for me, poppet." Her thumb brushed teasingly over your throbbing clit, drawing a pathetic whimper from your lips. "After all, you're Mummy's pet now, and as such, I expect you to behave. Do you understand?"

Whining desperately, you nodded your head, no longer trying to get away as you realized it would do you more harm than good. "Yes, Mommy." Your voice sounded so timid and meek, just like she'd hoped for.

"What a good pet you are for Mummy." She decided to "reward" you by plunging two of her fingers into your dripping hole, giggling in amusement at the cries of protest that came from you.

"M- Mommy- Mommy, it's too much-" You squirmed around on the bed as she held you firmly against her, thrusting her fingers in and out of you at an unforgiving pace.

"Shh, love, you're alright. Mummy's got you," Missy murmured affectionately in your ear, her hand caressing your hip gently. "If you do well for your Mistress, I'll let you go back to sleep afterwards, okay?"

All you could do was nod in agreement, too overwhelmed to string a real sentence together. "Please, Mommy..." You babbled out almost incoherently, trying to move your hips up to meet where her fingers were. "Mommy- Mommy, please..."

"Stay still, poppet. Mummy didn't give you her permission to move, now did she?" She spoke to you in a firm tone, scolding your disobedience. Her fingers moved deeper inside you as she brought her thumb back up to your clit, rubbing there harshly.

Your back arched upwards as pants and moans exited your mouth uncontrollably. Tears of desperation filled your eyes as the feeling of pleasure became too much. "I'm sorry, Mommy, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to-"

"You should really learn to obey your Mistress," she continued as if you hadn't even spoken, her grip on the side of your body becoming almost painful as she held you in place. "Mummy doesn't like having to be mean, pet, you know that."

You whimpered loudly in response, staying as still as you possibly could. "Yes, Mistress," you said in a soft and quiet voice, biting your lip as you tried to muffle your pitiful sounds.

"Good, love. Stay still for Mummy." She smirked at the way your body tensed up as you started getting close, your eyes looking up at hers pitifully as you searched for her acceptance. "Oh, alright. Since you've done so well for me despite your brief moments of misbehaving, you can cum."

Letting out a high pitched whine, you finished on her fingers, your cum covering her hand. She carefully pulled her fingers out from inside you, holding them up to your mouth. "Open," she commanded, not even giving you the chance to part your lips fully before shoving them inside.

You gagged some at first due to the sudden intrusion, your tears from earlier finally making their way out of your eyes and streaming down your cheeks. Knowing what she wanted, you sucked on her fingers, cleaning them off from where you'd unintentionally gotten them dirty when you came.

"Good pet," she praised in a loving way, pulling her fingers out of your mouth with a soft pop. She then let go of your hip and used her hands to pull your shirt back down over your body, leaning over to press a soft kiss to your head once she was done. "There you are, love. Go back to sleep now."

She didn't have to tell you twice. You rolled over onto your side and cuddled up close to her, nuzzling your face into her chest as you got comfortable again. You soon fell back asleep, drifting off to the sound of Missy humming some old Gallifrean lullaby.

[shmorp-mcdurgen]

Mandela Prophet AU: Catalyst

Evelin wakes up to hear knocking on her door, from someone she wasn't expecting to see again.

TW: blood, body horror

Notes: this is around. 3'500 words long, and takes place right after THIS fic! So. hope you enjoy this!!

Adam dreaded what he had to do.

His feet scraped across the damp concrete of the sidewalk, his clothes beginning to become soaked from the sudden rain. He hunched over, his black hood pulled over his head as he pressed his crossed arms over his sore chest. He stared at the ground in front of him, looking away from any puddles he stepped over, lest he see his own, haggard reflection. He didn’t want to remember how he looked; how dead and sickly his own appearance had become.

He glanced towards the houses he passed by, the streetlights nearby illuminating the dark street as he searched for the right one. He felt exhausted; wanting nothing more than falling asleep somewhere and not waking up until morning. However, as his eyes spotted a familiar house, he let out a sigh, taking in a deep breath as he attempted to brush off his desire to rest for just a little while longer. He thought intently to himself as he approached the home, standing in front of the door for a few moments before he raised his shaking, thin hand, and knocked on the door.

Evelin was sleeping in her room when she heard the knocks from her front door. She awoke, eyes slowly opening when she heard the knocks again, sounding heavier and louder than before. She laid still for a few more moments before letting out a sigh and throwing the covers off of her, walking towards the lamp in her room before turning it on. She glanced at the electronic clock on her nightstand, it reading 3:23 AM in bright red text. She stared at the time for a few more moments of silence, all before she opened her bedroom door and walked down the hallway. She was wearing a plain, black, long sleeved shirt along with baggy grey sweatpants as pajamas, not bothering to get dressed as she walked through her house, towards the front door.

Adam waited, shuddering slightly as he stared at the ground before he heard the locks on the door click. He looked up to see the door crack open slightly, a tired Evelin looking up at him before her eyes widened slightly. She remained silent and strangely still before Adam forced himself to speak.

“E…Eve—”

Evelin slammed the door shut on his face.

Eve stared at the door as she heard Adam knocking on it from the other side. “Eve? Come on, please just…listen to me.” Adam stated.

“I-I…I don’t…” Eve shook her head. “Why? I thought you hated me.”

“I never said I hated you—”

“You acted like it.” Eve responded, trying to cover up the fact that she felt the urge to cry.

“Look…I…I need to talk to you, okay?” Adam sighed.

“I’m…done talking to you.”

“Can you just listen?” Adam paced around Eve’s porch as he thought to himself. “Look, something happened, and I need…” Adam paused, considering whether he wanted to say the thing he needed to. He took in a breath before hesitantly choking it out. “…I need your help.”

The silence made Adam’s hair stand on end.

“Help?” Eve said, her voice sounding closer to the door than before. “I’ve tried to help you…but you never accepted it. How can I help you if you refuse to let me help you?”

Adam stood still, not answering the question as he thought to himself intently. He looked back at the front door, wondering if Eve was truly the best person to talk to. Nevertheless, he continued.

“Okay, I get it. I was a dick.” Adam said. “I’m not asking to get back together or even be friends I just…need…help, okay? Or at the very least I just…need to talk. Even if after tonight we…never see each other again.”

Adam stood in front of the door, his arms crossed and his head low, wondering just how guilty he truly felt; he meant everything he said to Eve at the moment, even if said things were harsh. He didn’t think he hated her, though he had a feeling Eve didn’t feel the same way, and at that point he couldn’t care less. As the silence continued, Adam sighed, turning away to walk the long journey back to his vehicle before he heard the chain lock on the door be taken off and the door open.

“Ten minutes.” Eve stated. “You get ten minutes to explain yourself.”

Adam sat on the couch in Evelin’s living room as she stared at him from a chair to the side of it, her eyes and body language showing her unsaid discomfort. Adam scratched his head, thinking deeply about how he could possibly start his explanation before Eve spoke up.

“Is this about…our argument from a while back?”

“No.” Adam shook his head, staring at the ground as he folded his thin hands in front of him. “It’s…it’s not.”

“…What…happened to you anyway?” Evelin asked, staring at Adam’s face. “You…you look—”

“I know.” Adam responded quietly. “I…I look like shit; I feel like…shit.”

Eve glanced away as she let out a breath. “What do you need from me?” She asked quietly. “It’s nearly four in the morning; I’d…assume it was serious.”

“…Yeah.”

“What can I do then?” Eve asked. “You’re…not telling me much.”

“Evelin.” Adam stated. “…I…something is…wrong.” He paused for a second. “With me.”

“Like…what?”

“…I…don’t even…know.” Adam said quietly. “I don’t even know.”

Evelin sighed before standing up. “You want…water or something?”

“…Sure.”

Eve walked past Adam and into her small kitchen grabbing a couple cups from the cabinet as Adam thought to himself. He heard the faucet running for a second as he considered his next words, all before sucking up his worry and spitting them out.

“I’m sorry.”

Eve became still, looking back at Adam on the couch. “…What?”

“…I’m sorry.” He repeated, sounding more defeated then before. “…And I hate that this is what it took for me to say that.”

“Adam, what do you mean—”

“Eve.” Adam looked up at Evelin, his dilated eyes staring at her with a look of pensiveness; a new expression coming from him, at least to Evelin. “…I fucked up.”

Evelin looked at him, relaxing slightly as he saw Adam look back down, seemingly thinking. “…I-I fucked up.” He repeated in a quieter voice than before. “Look I…there’s…something…wrong with me. There’s always been something fucking wrong; I see it now.”

Evelin watched as he held his head low, not making eye contact even once. She placed the two cups of water on the counter, all before walking towards Adam and hesitantly sitting next to him on the couch.

“I’m…there’s something…inside of me that…wants out.” Adam choked out his words, thinking of ways to say what he needed to but struggling to do so. “It…it wants to…hurt people. A-And I don’t want to hurt anyone, that’s never been something I wanted to do, never—”

“Adam, what are you talking about?” Evelin questioned, unable to cloak the worry in her voice.

“I’ve KILLED people, Evelin.”

Eve grew silent, sitting up straight and staring at Adam with widened eyes as he began to silently cry. She couldn’t think of a single thing to say before Adam spoke up instead.

“I’ve…I’ve killed people. Multiple people.” Adam admitted. “I…But it wasn’t…me.”

“Adam.” Eve said quietly, almost scared to take her eye off of him.

“…Eve?” Adam glanced only vaguely in her direction as he swallowed hard. “…My body doesn’t belong to me anymore.”

Eve looked away, unable to even begin to process the words she was told as the two became silent, all that was being heard was faint crying from Adam and the sound of the crickets outside. All before Adam shuddered, hunching over as he pressed his hand against his chest. Eve turned back towards him, seeing that he was staring at the ground with widened eyes.

“Oh God.” He choked out, his voice barely audible. “God please not now.”

“Adam…What the actual fuck do you mean?!” Eve questioned, Adam barely registering that she was even speaking as he felt something shifting in his stomach. “Y-You…You killed someone?!”

“E…Eve—”

Evelin quickly stood up, staring at Adam with horror as he began trembling, staring back at her with widened eyes. “I’m calling the fucking cops.” Evelin stated, her voice audibly shaking. “…get the fuck out of my house. Now.”

“W-wait, don’t do that,” Adam quickly stood up, grasping his stomach with one shaking arm while holding his other towards Evelin. “Please, this is serious—”

“GET OUT!” Evelin commanded, her voice cracking as she tried to resist the urge to cry.

“For the love of God, Evelin PLEASE—” Adam was interrupted when he abruptly lurched forward, pressing his hands against his torso as he let out a surprised and pained yell. He stumbled a few steps forward, looking down at his chest in confusion before Evelin quickly stepped backwards. Adam looked up to see her rushing towards a landline phone on the wall as he weakly held up his hand towards her.

“Eve…listen to me.” He exhaled, his breathing quickening despite feeling something pressing against his lungs. “Don’t do that, it’ll be a mistake, please just—” another jerk in his torso caused him to stumble once again, slamming against the wall with his side as he winced. He looked back at Evelin, who was staring back in confused horror with the phone in her hand. Adam pushed himself away from the wall, stepping forward and around the couch as he stared at Evelin, holding his hand out once again in an attempt to show he wasn’t a threat, despite not being sure if he wasn’t.

“Eve…” He began, feeling a pressure in his throat as he tried to force his words out. He swallowed hard, and managed to choke out two words: “I’m…sorry.” He began to back away, stumbling over his feet as he glanced behind him, seeing the front door and his way out of there. He took one last look at Evelin, who was still staring at him with a cold, fearful gaze, one that made a pit form in Adam’s gut; one that pierced his very soul, if he even had one anymore. Adam wanted to cry, though he knew that his tears had run out a long time ago.

He turned, walking towards the door before he froze. He felt something shift under the hand clutching his stomach, causing him to let out a quick yell before falling to his knees. He looked down at himself, wrapping his arms around himself as he fell onto his back, his breathing becoming heavy and strained as he kicked at the air in an attempt to relieve the growing discomfort. He looked at Evelin, who was backing away, the phone dangling from its cord.

“…A-Adam?” She squeaked. “Adam what’s happening?”

Adam couldn’t give an answer even if he knew it, unable to say anything or let out any sound that wasn’t a gasp or pained yell. He looked down at himself, feeling his ribs shaking and bending in awkward ways. He unzipped his hoodie, looking down at his pale grey shirt before pulling it up, revealing his bare stomach and chest. His ribs were shifting under his skin, in a way that felt familiar yet alien at the same time. He watched as his ribs began bending outwards, pressing against his skin before breaking through, the bones tearing through his skin as they fanned out. Blood dripped and poured from the wounds as Adam shrieked in confusion and horror, his spine bending outward as he began to convulse, his legs kicking and his hands grasping at nothing in particular.

Evelin backed down the hallway, staring at Adam as he writhed on the floor, kicking furniture as blood began to pool onto the wooden floor underneath him. They couldn’t find the words to say, listening to the choir of distorted and agonized screaming coming from the man in their living room.  Adam curled outwards, shutting his eyes tightly as he let out the loudest scream he could muster, barely covering up the sound of his skin tearing. He felt the limbs press against his chest and stomach’s skin, pushing through until they hit open air, sliding out of the open wounds, coated in Adam’s blood. Adam looked down, being able to see his skin stretching and tearing to make room for the parasitic limbs, all before he let his head back down to hit the floor under him, tears silently running down his head.

Evelin screamed, stumbling back further as she stared at Adam, who returned her gaze with horror filled eyes. They stared at each other, Adam going silent for a moment before his body was dragged out of view by the limbs protruding from his torso, with a trail of blood following him. Eve covered her mouth, staring down the hallway at the puddle of blood on the floor as she listened to Adam’s screams from just out of view. The squelching and tearing of skin made Evelin want to vomit, but her throat felt dry despite it. She entered her bedroom, staring down the hall as she did before noticing that Adam’s screams sounded…muffled, and soon enough, they stopped entirely. The thumping of Adam’s flailing limbs and the sound of his skin ripping ceased as well, delving the apartment into an uncomfortable silence. Evelin was too scared to make a sound, silently crying and suppressing her own sobs before she heard something; a voice.

“…E…v…e…lin…?”

“…Adam…?”

“…Are…y…ou…there?” Adam asked, his voice sounding oddly choked and forceful.

“…What…wh-what was that?!” Evelin questioned, feeling white hot tears running down her cheeks.

“…I…c…an’t…s…see…you.”

Evelin heard the sound of shuffling just out of view, like something being dragged along the ground. She stared towards the end of the hallway as the shifting sounded as though it was getting closer. They continued to stare in silence until something came into view near the bottom of the wall; a head. Adam’s head was turned towards her, with only his eyes visible from behind the wall. His eyes were being forced open by blackened, bony fingers, looking around quickly before fixating on Evelin.

“…Found…you.”

Adam’s body was dragged into the hallway by eight humanoid yet mangled and skeletal arms, feeling the walls and floor as it crawled towards Evelin, causing her to shriek and slam the door to the bedroom closed. She stared at the door before she heard banging against it from Adam’s many limbs, Evelin backing away as she sobbed and covered her mouth.

“EEeeveeee…” “Adam” stated. “It’s safe…I’m o…kay…n..ow.”

Evelin shook her head looking frantically around her room for a potential exit before her eyes fixed on the window on the opposite side of the room.

“Evelinnnn, I…have so…me...thing to…s…show you.” Adam droned, his voice being used by something that wasn’t him. Evelin grasped the lamp beside the door, unplugging It before dragging it towards the window. The sound of a loud crash against the door caused her to freeze, letting out a surprised scream as she looked back at the wooden door.  A crack had formed, and with another crash, one of the limbs broke through, feeling around the door for the handle as a couple other hands followed suit. Evelin took in a deep breath before turning back towards the window, holding up the lamp before smashing it against the glass. Both the window and the lamp’s light bulb shattered, with shards of glass falling to the ground in front of Evelin’s bare feet.

She stared at the glass, throwing the lamp down as she pressed her hands against the bug screen of the window, luckily being able to push it out quickly. She felt the glass stab her feet and cut her hands as she pushed herself out of the window, landing on the grass below right as she heard the sound of the door being thrown open. She weakly pushed herself up, looking back at the window before scrambling towards the front of the house; where her car was.

“You…t…rust me…don’t…you?” Adam continued as Evelin sprinted away. Eve ran until she found herself at her car, frantically searching through her pockets for her keys; no luck. She looked back at the house, hearing faint muttering before she ran down the road, trying to ignore the sharp pain in her feet that came with every step. Her breathing was quick and frantic, with her tears barely visible through the rain. She wanted to scream for help, though the fear of being heard by something that wasn’t a friendly face made her throat tight.

She sniffled and sobbed as she ran through town, and despite not hearing “Adam’s” voice behind her anymore, she still couldn’t bring herself to slow down. She ran even as her legs became sore and her body became tense. She looked behind her, seeing nothing but empty streets and the yellow light from the streetlights above. She slowed down, finally stopping as she realized nothing was following her. She looked around, all before she felt her throat become tight and her eyes water. She sat down on the curb, pulling her knees towards her chest and burying her face in her arms, beginning to let out her sobs despite feeling like she had already cried all her tears away.

She sat in the rain, feeling it hit her head and bloodied hands and feet as she silently cried, all before she saw something from the corner of her eye. She flinched, looking up to see headlights approaching. She stood up, stumbling back as the car slowed down beside the sidewalk, all before stopping. She stared at the vehicle before someone opened the driver’s side door, stepping out and looking at her. She felt a wave of relief before she choked out the words: “…Mr. Davis?”

Thatcher walked into view, wearing a leather jacket over a faded “Exorcist” shirt underneath it, along with a pair of worn jeans. He had a scruffy, unshaved beard and his bleached hair draped over the sides of his head. It had a few piercings; a silver septum piercing and earrings. It looked exhausted, though despite its haggard appearance, its gaze felt human; more than Eve could say of Adam.

“What’s going on, are you alright kid?” He asked as he approached carefully.

Eve remained silent, looking at Thatcher as it approached. She stared up at its face, all before coming closer and hugging him tight, happy to see a friendly face. Thatcher returned the favor, all before asking quietly, “What happened?”

“H-He…he…I don’t…I don’t know.” Evelin stammered, their mind going too fast to process their own thoughts. Thatcher looked at Evelin, seeing her cut hands and feet before thinking to himself.

“…You need to get patched up.” He sighed. “Do you mind coming with me? I can get you some help.”

“…I…sure…y-yeah I would…like that.”

Thatcher led Evelin towards his car, opening the passenger door and letting her in before entering from the opposite side. He drove away, glancing at Evelin every few seconds to make sure she was alright. Silence fell between the two for a while, with Eve staring off into space as she rubbed her arms, despite the pain the action did to her hands. Thatcher sighed deeply as it stared back at the road. “There’s a blanket in the back seat, if you’re cold.”

“Oh…Thank you.” Evelin turned towards the back, grabbing the folded up blanket before draping it over her body.

“…What happened to you, if you don’t mind me asking?” Thatcher asked, his brows furrowed.

“…I…don’t…I don’t even know.” Evelin responded.

“Can you remember how it started at least?”

“…My…boyfriend…ex-boyfriend came to my house.” She recited. “He…kept…talking about how he…something happened and how he was responsible then…oh God—”

“You don’t…have to tell me right away.” Thatcher stated, causing Evelin to look at him quizzically. “…Just…we’ll focus on getting you patched up and comfortable, okay?”

“…Okay.”

Thatcher looked back at the road, with Evelin looking out of the window as they thought to themself. They glanced once at Thatcher before looking away once again, all before hesitantly speaking.

“How…why were you there?”

“What?”

“Why were you…driving around this late at night?” Evelin asked. “I thought…you didn’t work here anymore.”

Thatcher paused as he thought to itself. “Just…intuition I guess.” It responded. “Something…told me to go there, so…I did.”

Evelin and Thatcher grew silent, looking away from each other before Evelin spoke up once again.

“…Can…I stay with you for a while?”

Thatcher didn’t respond right away, looking at Evelin as he considered the question, all before letting out a sigh.

“…If it makes you comfortable,” He responded. “Then…yes.”

“Thank you.”

Thatcher thought for a moment, all before speaking once again.

“…No problem, kid.” He stated. “Just…try and get some rest when we get there, okay?”

“…I’ll…try.”

Silence fell once again as Thatcher thought to himself, wondering what happened while also refusing to pry at a fresh wound any more than he needed to. He supposed it would have to wait until morning; maybe Evelin would feel better then, he hoped.

[streets-in-paradise]

Risking It - BarclayPierce ( Andy x Nica)

Warnings: Nica showing Andy how much she loves his body. No explicit smut, but it's Implied that he has a praise kink.

Summary: When it comes to clothes, Andy has allways been a comfort prioritizer, but constantly playing it safe also means never taking risks. A smirk from Nica while hearing the mere suggestion of encouraging him to try crop tops is enough for him to accept taking the challenge.

Notes: Since we have been talking about the fatphobia in the show, this is my small contribution for some positivity :)

Tags: @barclaysangel @series-thoughts

The idea would have never occured to him before, but it had a source of inspiration he couldn't ignore. Used to being teased about his dressing style by the kids, he finally asked the twins what was wrong with it and the ultimate verdict was lack of risks. That didn't worry him much, since he was a comfort prioritizer, but he still let them ramble some ideas describing their definition of risk. Nica was having fun observing the horror some of the suggestions caused him, at least untill one got her interest.

She was smirking when crop tops were mentioned and that didn't go unnoticed.

" You have to be kidding, nobody wants to see that. " He mocked himself while showing awareness to her. " It's not my thing, and it would look ridículous … Who do you think I am? Brad Pitt in Fight Club? Not with these. "

He pointed at the rolls on his stomach.

" And who told you abs are a requirement to wear one? " She sweetly teased him ríght away. " I do think it would look great on you. "

"Challenging your insecurities is good. It's clear you cling to the baggy shirts to distract from the tummy the same way dad does with the platforms and heels because he hates being short. " Glenda commented, then shared a complicit glance with Nica because she was the source of the rumour about Chucky they were reproducing. " Dressing a fat body shouldn't have to be about hidding it all the time, Andy. "

It was very kind of them, but he wasn't convinced.

" I get it, but i'm not going to get from zero to one hundred in one move."

" It would look cute! And I can help you find one that fits your style. " Glen encouraged him. " The important thing is that you try the risk and see how you feel about it."

" But it's always on you. " Nica concluded, cutting them off to point out an important detail. " Remember not to push yourself just because we think it can be fun. Chucky took many uncomfortable risks with my looks and i don't feel like being that fun anymore, so a safe wardrove is another thing we have in common. "

Andy smiled and approached to give her a peck on the lips.

" You look lovely in anything you choose to wear. " He praised her afterwards. " I'm pretty sure you are going to regret the curiosity. "

Nica was giving him a mischievously skeptical glance while replying.

" I don't think so, confidence is your best fit … very sexy of you. "

That comment was the final temptation convincing him of trying it. He didn't admit it then, but secretly started to consider it. Glen had shared him some adresses of online stores with trustable sizing and good stuff where Andy began eyeing untill finding one he could at least imagine himself trying. The too tíght and colorfull ones were too much, he also saw a few made of fishnet that he sincerely couldn't imagine anyone wearing comfortably besides, peraphs, an 80's rockstar. There were some more bassic ones, black or white, with pop culture or classic rock prints he felt more inclined towards. Between those he stumbled with the black one he ended up choosing pretty much for the print.

The first try on happened a day when the kids weren't arround. They were always good intentioned, but but sometimes they could be little shits messing with him just for the fun of it. Lexy s honesty could get cruel despite she wouldn't even realize it, the boys could find the image funny just for the sake of the shocking change causing impact and only the twins would be cheering. He was surely doing it out of curiosity, but the only opinion he wanted to know besides from his own was Nica's.

Risking it was worthy even if it was just for her reaction. She seemed so interested, that damn provokative smirk had said it all … What could he had possibly done, but indulge her? He did feel a bit strange at first, like showing too much skin from all the wrong places, but wasn't sure about shying away on the first impression. The main trait the crop top was designed to highlight was the belly, his self perceived most troubled area, so his girlfriend's curiosity was quite a mistery to him.

She stumbled with the sight entering to the bedroom while he was evaluating his feelings about it. She wasn't seeing it coming and the first glimpse clearly offered to her was from the back, the sides of his bare love handles and his clothed ass in pants that weren't loose enough to hide his shape. Her lips parted as her eyes silently roamed his image.

It was completely unusual and exciting. Nica knew that Andy wasn't the kind of guy going cassualy shirtless while washing the car. She would normally only get to see something like that during intimate times or accidentally walking in when he had just showered. He had her used to feeling like an eighteenth century man looking at bare ankles with the accidental lift of a long skirt if his shirts would have a few open buttons exposing a bit of neck.

He was a gift for her eyes, yet her ears couldn't believe what he had to say about it.

" I think this isn't working. " Was his awkward verdict. " You can tell Glen and Glenda that I tried, but it doesn't feel good. I'm just too fat for it. "

Feeling so teased while he was venting his genuine insecurities was frustrating for her. If he could turn back and see how she was already drooling, maybe he wouldn't be overthinking.

" … Come here, big boy. " She seductively purred. " Let me see the front. "

Andy followed her hesitantly, but clearly affected by her sensual teasing tone.

Her first observation was a more neutral one, but it kept implying enjoyment of some sort.

" Back to the Future? Damn, you are such a nerd " She pointed at the print " … I love it tho, when you get nerdy. "

He smiled, but breaking eye contact to look down because the praise started to make him shy. He was weak for praising and he could vaguely tell it was just starting.

" So … What do you think? "

Nica was grabbing the arms of her wheelchair tíghtly, her eyes have never abandoned him and she didn't notice she was biting her bottom lip.

If they would be on a classic cartoon, she would be barking and howling.

" Fine, too fine. " Was all she could artículate. " Hot, so freaking hot. Thank you for your service, sir. "

He chuckled, wondering what was so sexy of seeing most of his flabby belly out.

" Is it just for the confidence or are you really into it? I can change real quick … "

" Don't!!" She cutted him off, urgence making her wheel closer. " It looks perfect … I swear, Andy, shut down those self deprecating thoughts because i can't think ríght … I'm not myself when you are in front of me in all your thick glory. "

Any rational seeming doubt jumped out from his mind to those words.

" Carefull, baby love. " He pleaded softly. " You know what this does to me and you are going to get us in trouble if the kids show up. Are you risking it? "

She was desperate for it, all over him as soon as the teasing question gave her the consent call. Her hands were grabbing his hips as her lips avidly searched for the spot of belly skin that was more accesible to her from that position in order to start planting kisses.

It was clear that the new item would not last much on despite how much she loved it.

[annas-hair-donut]

Here's a little snippet from my upcoming Kristanna Valentine's Day fic!

She Holds a Candle (T)

Kristoff twists his hands on the steering wheel as he glares at the hearts and cupids sprinkled across the brightly colored Oaken’s Bath & Sauna Works signs. He might have said they were cute if they weren’t specifically designed to take advantage of people who don’t know any better.

Kristoff knows better, though, and he knows that as soon as he walks in the door, at least one beautiful salesperson will descend upon him and try to convince him he should go home with more than he came in for. Maybe they even believe the lie that buying more saves money.

He rolls his eyes as he steps out of the truck. Unfortunately, he’d been there before, and since he got divorced a few years ago, he never had any intention of going back.

But Valentine’s Day is a few days away and his daughter Stephanie’s giant heart is broken. Apparently, the boy she liked didn't feel like it was enough just to turn her down; he had to tell everyone at school that her voice slipped into falsetto when she asked him to the dance.

Kristoff wants to clobber that asshole for making her feel ashamed of being who she is. Not to mention Kristoff had spent about $350 on new clothes for Christmas that she now won’t wear.

She came out as trans right around the time Kristoff's ex-wife left, but she’d only just started dressing like a girl the past couple of months. And now she’s back to wearing jeans and baggy t-shirts; no more flower hair clips and heart earrings. And she's barely spoken in days.

It’s not like Kristoff knows anything about raising a girl; it would have been nice if his ex-wife had stuck around to help Stephanie with those kinds of things. She should have been teaching her how to style her hair and paint her toenails. But Lisa's timing was the worst, and even though Stephanie never mentions it, he knows she misses having a mom.

One thing Kristoff did learn from Lisa was that Oaken’s Bath & Sauna Works is the best place to get girly things that are more symbolic than useful. And that’s what Kristoff needs: a token to show Stephanie that she’ll always be his little girl.

And if it means wading through the sea of Oaken's sirens wearing green aprons, he’ll do it.

💕💕💕

A nauseating mix of scents assaults Kristoff’s nose as soon as he walks in, and a cheerful woman shouts, “Welcome in!”

Kristoff searches for the disembodied voice just so he can avoid it.

“We’re having a Valentine’s Day sale today! Buy three full-size body care items, get three free!”

Kristoff stares at her pink freckled face, with ginger hair tied into braids hanging loosely in front of her shoulders. Her blue-green eyes set his stomach in knots, which only tighten when she blinks.

It's worse when he looks down. Her apron is tied just in the right place to emphasize her figure, but it's the tiny sparkly rainbow that catches his attention.

Kristoff lifts his eyes quickly and she smiles sweetly. “Can I help you find something special today?”

How many people have gone home with bags of wasted products because she smiled at them like that?

“I’m good.”

"Well, I'm Anna! Let me know if you have any questions."

He thumbs his nose as he walks around her, not even bothering with the basket she offers him.

💕💕💕

Special thank you to @livseses for their help with this! 💕

[anerdquemoraaolado]

Grains of Sand by The Shore

Chapter 11

One more chapter for you guys because you´ve been awesome and I´m really in love with Namuri. This freaking ship makes me all smiling and giddy, since I wake up from the moment I go to sleep, so enjoy, beautiful people.

It looked like Namor wouldn't find sleep the last few days, when once again, he barely managed to fall asleep. Shuri, on the other hand, had no difficulties. Glancing at her sideways, she didn't waste a moment until she fell asleep. He saw her close her eyes, her face tilted slightly to his side, not taking long to fall asleep. She looked relaxed, which relieved him, he really wanted her to be comfortable.

 After Shuri fell asleep, he only had his own thoughts as active company. Here was the woman who had burned him, left scars deep in his skin, his heart, she could be pretty fierce when she wanted to, but right now, she was peacefully beside her. Just she had become his wife, yet it was a contradiction. Perhaps accepting the new, the future, was the way to leave the wounds of the past behind. The simple act of sharing a bed with her, strange as it was at first, would be the first step towards that.

 Deciding to finally rest, he closed his eyes, imagined a safe, even happy future, at least for his people, finally sleep came to embrace him then.

 As the first to fall asleep, Shuri was the first to wake up. She was going to get up quickly, momentarily forgetting that she wasn't alone, but the weight of Namor beside her served as a warning. With slow steps and movements, she got out of bed, in a bit of a hurry to get ready for the day. She thought that if she organized a routine, she would get used to her new home. She just didn't expect to be interrupted by the curiosity of watching Namor sleeping.

 He was in the fetal position, still vulnerable, as she had seen the night before, almost a child. She could see his back, broad and firm but scarred by the Black Panther's claws. The scar made her shiver, it would be an eternal proof of what had happened between the two of them. She felt guilt and regret, wanting to be able to tend to that wound, even though it had healed.

 Driven by a certain impulse, Shuri touched it with her fingertips, imagining the amount of pain he had felt. Taking a deep breath, she hoped to put that ferocity behind her, to be a new Shuri from now on, the queen her new kingdom needed, the wife her husband needed.

 Still with her hands on his back, she felt him move, which scared her at first, it wasn't her intention to wake him up. She hastily removed her hand from Namor's back. Quietly, waiting for his reaction, Shuri watched him get up. He turned to her side, clearly looking for her.

 “Shuri... “ he murmured, still waking up, looking for her face.

 “I'm here, good morning “ she decided to say, becoming calmer again “ I'm sorry if I woke you up, it wasn't my intention.

 “Don't worry, I'm fine, I hope you slept well “ he wanted to know how she was.

 “I did, I hope you did too “ she replied “ do we have any plans for today that I haven't been told?

 “Plans, well, we're entitled to a few days of rest, then we'll get back to responsibilities, I'll update you on that, in due time “ Namor cleared her doubts.

 Shuri then nodded and left him alone for a moment, going to change into her own clothes for the day, nothing more than something simple like a t”shirt, baggy pants and sneakers. When she returned to the bedroom, her husband looked at her with clear approval.

 “Your clothes suit you” It was his compliment, a bit broken.

 “Ah thank you, I was wondering if I would have to wear your traditional attire all the time, no offense “ she showed her clear relief.

 “Be yourself, my queen “ he gave her a smile, which left her disconcerted.

 It was amazing how he threw compliments at her all the time, which didn't make her so embarrassed anymore, maybe grateful was the right word.

 Leaving the rooms, Shuri found a table with breakfast ready, which made her relieved because she was really hungry. Namor sat down in front of her, without ceremony and she didn't find the gesture strange, making a mental note that maybe she was already getting used to sharing space with him.

 Shuri began to eat without hesitation, but more calmly and measuredly this time. Her husband did the same shortly thereafter.

 "Something is on your mind, keeping you busy at the very least," Namor deduced from her thoughtful expression.

 “Oh I... I was curious about something, it's silly, don't worry “ she shrugged, feeling silly.

 “You don't need to hide anything from me “ he dared to touch her hand that was closer “ we are husband and wife, sincerity and trust must exist between us.

 “ Well, okay “ Shuri decided to go ahead and confess her deductions “ I was thinking, if you've never been in a relationship, it also means you've never kissed a woman before, I was the first.

 “That's right “ he nodded, not quite knowing where she intended “ I believe I'm also the first one you kissed in your entire life.

 “Oh no, no, I didn't kiss no one to date, you did, and it was pretty clear you don't have a lot of experience in this “ she said her full opinion.

 “Didn't my kiss please you? If you prefer, I can improve this, I can train somehow “ he offered, even feeling embarrassed with all that talk.

 “What? No, Namor, I'm not asking you to do this, I understand that we only follow a protocol of ceremony “ she shook her head vehemently “ don't do what you don't want for me, you've been great the way you've been acting, I don't need that.

 "I understand," he nodded, letting her words run through his mind.

 “If there's one thing that I believe, that I think I learned watching couples that really love each other, it's that kissing someone's lips must be an act of love, if it's not done for that reason it loses its meaning “ she explained with patience and frankness.

 “It seems a beautiful truth “ Namor commented “ kisses like that are for lovers, not friends.

 “Yeah, I also think we're friends, that's enough “ Shuri summed up the subject.

 Namor looked at her for one last moment, the wife explaining to him about gestures of affection he had barely understood all his long life. Maybe now he would understand. He finished the meal with his head down, quiet, reflective. Until he decide to get up.

 “I have some things that need to be checked in Talokan “ he explained himself “ I'll see you later, I wish you a good day.

 "For you too," she watched as he stood.

 After a little hesitation, Namor leaned down to kiss her forehead. In Shuri's opinion, a better kiss than the other two, full of affection and delicacy.

 “That means respect and protection “ he preferred to make it clear and withdrew.

 “Thank you “ Shuri thanked him and watched him leave.

 She mentally berated herself for making the conversation tough with her sincerity. Maybe she really wanted Namor to kiss her affectionately, she didn't know exactly why. Starting to get mad, she left the subject behind, soon starting to occupy her day with what interested her in the present.

[quincyhorst]

Lance 💝

Shane 👗

Gareth 🖕

...First of all, thank you for sending this ask! 💖 REALLY improved an already stressful day for me ;v;

So, let's start! I'll reply to each emoji as best as I can. ~ Though be careful, it's been quite a long time since I've written in detail about Lance and Gareth's personalities, so there could be something I missed.

Lance: 💝 - A headcanon about their love language

If I had to describe Lance's LL, I think the best type that'd describe him for me (At least from what I have seen) would be Words of Affirmation. I think that if he were to have a crush/be attracted to someone, most of the time he'd have no issue approaching and flirting with them. Plus, he is very open with his thoughts as a whole: If he finds his crush beautiful or with any other quality he's fond of, he WILL say it out at any chance. He also likes doing physical gestures too, although only when things seem to go steady. But nonetheless, if you're dating him expect being hand-kissed at any chance.

A close second for his most common LL would be receiving gifts. Don't mind him, Lance has all the money in the world and wants to spend it on you (Be it flowers or jewelry). In fact, now onto an actual headcanon, it was during the FFI where he bought his first gift with romantic intentions; taking advantage he could finally talk with his crush without any intimidating adults (or little butler) around. He bought her a little KOQ emblem brooch... 🥺

-----

...Ok, I'll confess that when I first read the ask, I got confused with "Shane", given I had never written such a name before on this blog. But I soon realized it was Shine, so... Here you have. And if it wasn't him, then... Sorry! You can ask for another character in exchange. ;____;

Shine: 👗- A headcanon about their clothes

I'll be brief: Because his parents were constantly always working outside, Shine had barely any time to do clothes-shopping with them at all. So for the most part, his wardrobe is full of loosely picked clothes, leftover ones from his father's younger ages, OR, even some bought without even prior consultation. But being fair, not even he cares much about styles and all. What he values in clothing is actually texture and comfort, SPECIALLY considering his sensory issues.

Even as an adult, when he moved with grandma Sun he only brought with him a very limited number of clothes. Typically you'll see him on his most common look: puffy red jacket and grey baggy trousers. However in this life stage more choices of his do appear, such as him prefering to wear platform sneakers (Who knows why). If he has to buy new clothes, he'd rather go to a thrift store. Not only he likes what they sell, but he's also aware of the darker side of fast fashion and the ecological damage it causes. He is not supporting that industry at all!

...I'm aware that the ask game only said one (1) headcanon, but I'll add something extra here because I actually have a special HC for Shine when it comes to this specific topic:

On Sun's house there's many things she preserves from her past, and that includes clothes. Many decades might have passed, but her sundresses still look beautiful as ever, even to Shine himself. Keep this a secret between us, but when nobody is around he likes to try them out on himself. There isn't much to this at all; it's just simply something he enjoys doing. However, while he doesn't care about imposed genders on clothes, he's aware society still thinks otherwise. So for now, him wearing dresses is only something he'll keep to himself. And he isn't ready to share this with anyone else either :(

-----

Gareth:🖕 - A headcanon relating to anger

And finally... Remember when I wrote about how Gareth was pretty much forced to repress himself a lot? Yes, that includes many of his own emotions too, including anger; with the excuse that it looks "Impolite" on a butler. So yeah, he could hold the most intense wrath within him, and yet he'd still be forced to keep a numb face. Extremely damaging to his own mental health, unfortunately...

At school things are a bit more relaxed, so Gareth HAS some ways to express his anger if something or somebody is bothering him there. Best example is obviously aganist Lance, specially if he gets annoying with his "Lancelot kills Gareth" all over again. However, it is to clarify that when releasing it all, he'll mostly leash out, never going with any violence. Sucks, because there's many people that Gareth would like to fight, yet is aware of the family's reputation and how any action can ruin it all forever.

At least if you want something sligthly better, Gareth eventually manages to free his anger aganist the man that has forced to repress it. I won't be spoiling it much (?), BUT this is after the FFI, a time period when things around him started to get worse and worse; to a point where he just couldn't bottle it all up anymore.

...Regardless of how that specific scenario ended, it gradually led to a positive impact on his life; specially on his transition to adulthood. Around GO, I think the (former) butler would finally come on terms on his anger. He doesn't repress himself anymore and will express it when needed, but he still prefers to avoid extreme violence… Unless you threaten him or his spy partner, that's for sure.

[welcometojackass2022]

He’s My Thing (Sub!Bam Margera x Reader) [Smut]

Thank you to the anonymous requester! I love writing fics for sub Bam :)

Description: Bam’s been a total brat all day, and he thinks he can get away with it just because his friends are around. Little does he know, you have no problem with using him in front of said friends.

Warnings: Cursing, Smut, Sub Boy/Dom Girl, Exhibitionism and Voyeurism (you fuck Bam in front of the guys and they actively watch and participate), Degradation/Humiliation and Praise, light elements of BDSM, Edging

Note: I haven’t included Johnny, Ryan, Steve-O, or Chris in the title cuz they never actually do anything sexual with you and Bam, but Johnny and Ryan are both super involved in watching you and Bam fuck, giving orders to Bam and making comments and stuff like that, and they’re both obviously turned on during the whole thing.

“He’s lucky he’s so pretty, cuz otherwise I would have strangled him by now.” You crossed your arms and sank down on the couch, glowering at Bam from across the room. He was standing off in the far corner, talking to Steve-O and Ryan; you weren’t sure what the conversation was about, but Bam had just whipped out his tiny dick and said something about piercings, which was very concerning, to say the least. Chris and Johnny, who were sitting on either side of you on the sofa and chowing down on the pizza you’d ordered, simply grinned and shook their heads, Johnny taking a massive bite of his pizza slice and patting your shoulder sympathetically. “That’s how he makes everyone feel, sugar, don’t worry about it too much. Looking pretty and being a little bitch is his speciality.” You snickered, reaching over to steal a pepperoni from his slice. “Good point.”

Whipping his own dick out and loudly discussing the idea of getting it pierced wasn’t exactly bad behavior in and of itself, but considering all of the other things Bam had done throughout the evening, it certainly wasn’t something Bam had done with innocent intentions. The whole time that the four other boys had been over (roughly six hours, give or take), Bam had intentionally been pushing your buttons in the kind of subtle way that only he knew how to do. The clothes he’d chosen to wear were revealing in a way that only you would notice—his shirt was too tight and about an inch too short, and his jeans were baggy and low-waisted and barely stayed up, so his tummy, hips, and v-line were constantly exposed every time he lifted his arms. Every time you looked over at him, he’d make eye contact, lift his arms up to show off everything, and rub his hands over his lower belly as if he was gonna touch himself right there in front of everyone.

He only did it when the rest of the guys were distracted (this wasn’t difficult considering that they were all drunk and riled up and kept on interrupting each other to tell random stories about nasty stuff they’d done as teenagers), and every time he did it, your eyes would darken warningly and he’d flash you a shit-eating grin and turn back to his friends. The fact that his friends were in the room had him convinced that he was untouchable—he could be as bratty and teasing as he wanted and you wouldn’t do a single thing about it since there were other people in the room. Clever little bastard. You took another pepperoni from Johnny’s plate, watching Bam and the boys laugh over some story about how Steve-O had puked on a girl while eating her out, and then Bam looked over at you again, pulling his shirt up to show off his body again. You glared, and he flipped you off with a smirk. He was getting more bold—the guys had definitely seen him do it this time. Johnny snorted with laughter from beside you, and you frowned.

“I’m gonna kick his ass.” Johnny laughed, taking a sip from his red solo cup. “Uh oh, trouble in paradise. I’m amazed he’s able to get away with all that, don’t you boss him around on a regular basis? I thought he was your bitch.” The guys all knew about you and Bam’s interesting dynamic; Bam was shameless about what he liked during sex, and you had no problem with them knowing that you were in charge. The only issue was that they didn’t really seem to get that Bam wasn’t the type to immediately do what you wanted him to. Obedient Bam was a rare occurrence; for the most part, Bam was a brat, and your job was to put him in his place. “He’s being a fucking brat right now cuz he thinks I won’t be able to do anything about it as long as you guys are here. As far as he’s concerned, I can’t punish him while he’s got friends over.” Johnny raised his eyebrows and grinned. “I never would have expected you of all people to be stopped by something like that.”

You furrowed your brows. “What does that mean?” Johnny shrugged. “I’m just saying, you and him already tell all of us the nasty details of what the two of you do, so it’s kind of like we���ve already seen you guys fuck before. It wouldn’t be all that crazy for you guys to take it a step further and actually do stuff in front of us.” You stared at him, registering what he was implying. “You think I should just punish him in front of all of you right now instead of waiting until you guys leave?” Chris spoke up from the other side of you, still chowing down on pizza. “You could wait for us to leave first, but then isn’t Bam kind of getting his way? If you let him keep acting like that in front of everyone, he wins.” Your eyes widened, and you shook your head. “Fuck, you’re right. I don’t know though, we haven’t really tried doing anything in front of other people yet. I can’t guarantee he’d be okay with it.” Johnny grinned. “Get him alone in the kitchen and tell him if he keeps going with this, you’ll fuck him right here in front of us.”

You contemplated the idea. It sounded kind of fun, using Bam in front of his friends. It would be pretty humiliating for Bam, but that would just get him off even more. You nodded, standing up from the couch. “I’ll go do that. Wait here.” Chris was too engrossed in his pizza to answer, but Johnny just leaned back in anticipation. “I won’t move an inch.” You walked towards the kitchen, making eye contact with Bam and motioning for him to follow you. He excused himself from the group and followed you to the kitchen, and you casually opened the fridge to look for a drink. Bam walked up behind you, purposefully rubbing his barely-covered lower body against you as he wrapped his arms around your waist, and you quickly turned around, grabbing him by the chin and forcing him to look at you. “Don’t cuddle up to me, you little brat. You think I can’t tell what you’re doing?” Bam tried to play coy, starting to protest that he wasn’t doing anything.

“I’m just trying to hug my girlfriend in our kitchen, what’s wrong with that?” You shot him a look. “I meant you flashing me your crotch. You never wear shirts this short, I know what you’re doing. I know you think you won’t get punished just because your friends are here, but I’m warning you, Bam, keep acting like a brat and I will put you in your place, even if I have to do it in front of your friends.” Bam’s eyes widened, and you could have sworn his cheeks started to go red, but he quickly turned his head away and tried to act unbothered. “You wouldn’t.” You smiled coolly. “I would, and I will. Keep pushing me.” You turned and walked out of the kitchen, going to sit back down on the couch with Johnny and Chris. Johnny smiled. “I’m guessing that went well?” You smirked. “I told him what I’ll do if he keeps pushing it, so we’ll see what he does now.” He took a sip from his cup and shook his head, his grin widening. “I’m excited to witness this.”

Bam slowly made his way back into the room from the kitchen, his face still slightly red as he rejoined the conversation with Ryan and Steve-O, who were to drunk to have even noticed he’d left. Steve-O was now telling a long, dramatic story about a time where he’d tried to use an empty chip bag as a condom, which Bam pretended to be invested in as he occasionally looked over at you with an unreadable look in his eyes. It was hard to be sure, but it seemed like he was trying to decide if it was worth it to keep up his bad behavior. You knew Bam had always loved the idea of his close friends watching you and him have sex, but the fact that the two of you had never even so much as attempted to do anything sexual in front of other people before was sure to make him nervous about trying it now. You stared back at him, raising your eyebrows just slightly as you waited to see what he would do.

He stared back for a moment, and then a defiant look crossed his face and he smirked evilly as he reached down and grabbed his crotch, right there in front of everyone, still making full eye contact with you. Your eyes widened, and you shook your head at him warningly, but he merely grinned even wider and did it again, flipping you off as he turned back to the conversation with Ryan and Steve-O. You turned to look at Johnny, absolutely fuming, and he chuckled. “Maybe I should go pop some popcorn before the big show starts.” You wordlessly got up from the couch, and Johnny whistled. “Never mind, show’s already starting”. You strode across the room towards Bam, who looked a lot more nervous than before when he realized you were heading towards him. You fixed your hand around his wrist and pulled him away from the boys, flashing him a deadly look as you pushed him against the wall and whispered.

“What did I just say? I told you I’d put you in your place right here in front of everyone if you pulled that shit again.” Bam shrugged, obviously in the mood to get a rise out of you. “Do it, then.” You raised your eyebrows. “Alright, if you say so.” You pulled him away from the wall, shoving him down to his knees in front of you and tangling your fingers in his hair, tugging on it to force him to look up at you. Steve-O and Ryan, who’d still been talking through all of this, suddenly noticed what was going on and were watching with confused looks; Johnny was grinning wildly, and Chris just took another bite of his pizza and leaned back on the couch. You glanced up and apologetically shrugged. “Sorry to interrupt your conversation, boys, but Bam needs to be taught a little lesson. Feel free to leave.” Ryan snorted with laughter, taking a sip from his beer can. “Leave? I wanna see this.” Bam stared up at you in shock, clearly having believed that you were bluffing about this.

You smiled down at him. “What’s the matter? You didn’t think I was kidding, did you? You’ve been a bad boy, Bam, I’m not gonna let that slide.” You lowered your voice a bit, softening your gaze just long enough to ask him to repeat the safe word, just to remind him that this was optional. He quietly said it back, not bothering to use it, and you proceeded. “Alright, let’s put that whiny little mouth to good use.” You reached under your skirt and carefully pulled your panties down, kicking them aside and lifting up the hem of your skirt as you pushed Bam’s head forward. He obediently shoved his head under your skirt, moving his hands up to wrap around your legs for balance as he pressed his lips against your pussy. The room had gone deadly silent; the boys were all fixated on the sight of Bam with his head under your skirt and his hands squeezing at your thighs. You hiked your skirt up higher and pulled the hem up just enough so that the boys could get a good view.

Bam looked up at you vulnerably, tongue darting out as he lapped at your entrance, swirling the tip of his tongue around your clit. Your grip on his hair tightened and you gently pushed his head closer to your pussy, signaling for him to pick up the pace a bit. He obediently pushed his tongue inside you, licking a line up your wet folds as his fingers rubbed circles over your thighs. “There we go, just like that. You’re so pretty when you’re not mouthing off to me like a little brat, Bam, I should have you do this more often.” Bam’s cheeks went red, his eyes closed in concentration as he licked eagerly at your dripping pussy, and you turned your attention to your captivated audience. “Don’t be afraid to make requests, boys, I’m open to new ideas.” Chris, Ryan and Steve-O couldn’t seem to tear their eyes away from the scene long enough to respond, but Johnny grinned and leaned forward. “You should sit on his face, sugar.”

You smirked, glancing down to see Bam’s eyes light up eagerly. He liked having his face sat on, even if he’d never say it out loud. “That’s a very good idea, thank you Johnny. Lay on your back, Bam, I’m sure you can handle breathing through your nose for a few minutes.” Bam quickly laid on his back on the floor, his hard cock prominently showing through his tight jeans; on any other occasion, you would have given it some attention, but given the circumstances, it seemed more appropriate to ignore it for now. You gently kneeled over his face, your bare pussy barely an inch from his waiting lips as you pressed your thighs against either side of his head. Bam stared up at you in anticipation, waiting for you to move down enough for him to taste you, and you smiled as you lowered your pussy down so that it was pressed against his lips. Bam immediately opened his mouth, wrapping his lips around your pussy and licking and sucking at your vulva.

You pushed your hips all the way down so that his mouth was stuffed with your pussy, and you pulled your skirt up again so the boys in the room could get a good view. Johnny was still watching just as unashamed as he’d been the whole time, and Ryan had moved a few feet closer to get a better look, but Steve-O looked like he wasn’t sure whether to move forward or not and Chris was still firmly sunk down into the couch with his slice of pizza in hand. Bam’s mouth was smushed up against your pussy, his tongue eagerly licking at your clit as he tried desperately to get you to push your pussy down even harder against his face. You grinned. “I’ve never seen someone be so addicted to eating pussy, you’ve definitely got that going for you, Bam.” Johnny got up from the couch and walked over, tilting his head as he watched Bam lap at your pussy like a starved man. “Wow, he really likes that, doesn’t he?”

You smiled proudly, leaning down to stroke Bam’s hair. “He sure does. He’s cum in his pants a few times just from doing this, you know.” Johnny raised his eyebrows. “Really? Damn, Bam, that’s a little freaky even for you.” He glanced over at Bam’s lower half, and his grin widened. “Maybe he’ll cum in his pants again, he’s hard as a fuckin’ rock right now.” You looked over your shoulder and sure enough, Bam’s cock was straining against his jeans hard enough that his zipper had started to come undone. You faked a look of pity, leaning back to rub your hand over the bulge. Bam moaned softly against your clit, his hips bucking up against your touch, and you clicked your tongue. “Poor baby, your tiny little cock looks like it’s gonna burst out of those jeans. Want to take them off?” Bam nodded eagerly, his tongue still swirling over your clit, and you pulled off of him, causing him to whine loudly in protest.

“Baby, I wasn’t done–” You shushed him, getting up from his face and kneeling down to work on getting his jeans off. You rubbed your hand over the bulge again, grinning as a high-pitched moan left Bam’s mouth, and then gently pulled the zipper the rest of the way down, unbuttoning the button and moving to pull the jeans down Bam’s legs. He lifted his ass up to help you get them off, and you looked down to see a small wet spot on Bam’s boxers. Johnny laughed. “I knew he’d already busted a load.” You playfully rolled your eyes. “Don’t be ridiculous, Johnny, his loads are bigger than that. He’s definitely excited, though.” You pulled the boxers off, eyes widening when Bam’s red, painfully hard erection slapped against his belly. “Holy fuck, Bam, you’re hard. Usually it takes at least an hour of edging to get you like this, maybe I should have your friends watch more often.” Bam didn’t respond, bucking his hips up to goad you into touching him again.

You wrapped your hand around his cock, giving it a firm pump to feel how hard it was, and Bam gasped like he was about to cum already, so you quickly released your grip. By this point, Ryan had gotten over his shyness and was standing next to Johnny, taking sips from his beer can as he watched the scene with interest. Steve-O and Chris still hadn’t moved, and you looked up at them with an understanding look. “I told you boys you’re allowed to go, you know. You don’t have to sit and watch if you don’t want to.” Steve-O nodded gratefully and made a beeline for the door. “Sorry, this is pretty hot but I don’t want to get a boner cuz then I’ll have to either jerk off in front of all of you or jerk it in the bathroom like a teenager.” You laughed as you watched him go, and then glanced at Chris. “And you?” Chris smiled and held up his slice of pizza. “I’ll just watch from here, I wanna see where this goes.”

You turned your attention back to Bam, helping him pull his shirt off so he was totally naked, and you rubbed your hands over his bare chest as you deliberated what to do next. Your fingers lightly traced over Bam’s nipples, and he shivered. “Hmm, what should I do with you now? I don’t want to fuck you just yet, you’ll blow your load way too quickly.” You glanced back at the boys. “Any ideas? Ryan?” Ryan looked up in thought and took another sip from his beer. “You said something about edging him earlier, you should do that.” Johnny laughed. “There’s no way his dick could get any harder or redder than it is right now.” You smirked. “Guess we’ll find out.” You leaned over and gently kissed Bam on the lips, pushing a stray lock of hair out of his face. “How does that sound, baby? You want me to edge you in front of Johnny and Ryan?” Bam nodded eagerly, bucking his hips up again frantically.

“Good boy. Here, you start.” You grabbed his hand and guided it to his cock, signaling for him to jerk himself off, which he obediently did, rubbing his thumb over his tip and loosely moving his hand over his shaft, moaning softly under his breath at the pleasure. You sat back to watch, smiling fondly as you watched him touch himself. Bam swiped his hand over the head of his cock, lubing his cock up with the precum that was leaking from his tip; he gradually increased his pace, his hand sliding slickly over his shaft as his belly jerked and his mouth fell open. “Yeah, there you go, jerk your cock just like that, baby. Use your free hand and rub your balls for me, just like that.” Bam obediently moved his left hand down to play with his balls, groaning loudly as his precum dripped down from his slit and slicked up his sack. He threw his head back, eyes squeezed shut as he mercilessly pumped his cock, already starting to near his orgasm.

“Slow down, baby, this isn’t a normal handjob. You better stop right before you cum or I’ll make sure you don’t get another orgasm for a week.” Bam nodded, slightly disappointed, and slowed his pace down to evenly-timed strokes; he rubbed his hand over the head a few more times, his breathing getting heavier as he got closer and closer to cumming, and then, just as you’d asked, he stopped right on the edge of his orgasm, looking slightly drained as he released his cock and looked over to you for approval. You smiled, leaning over to push his hair off of his sweat-slicked forehead. “Good boy, that was once. I think we can go two more times, what do you say?” Bam nodded, looking less than enthused at the prospect of having to ruin his own orgasm two more times, and you gave him a knowing look. “Want me to do it this time?” He perked up, nodding eagerly. “Beg me like a good boy, Bam.”

He side-eyed Johnny and Ryan, who were still watching intently, and you grinned. “Aw, are you embarrassed to beg in front of your friends? Come on, Bam, beg or I’ll make you edge yourself another ten times and I won’t help you at all.” Bam gave you a puppy dog look, trying to soften you up, but you didn’t budge, and eventually he sighed dramatically and sat up, grabbing your hand and moving it towards his crotch as he stared pleadingly into your eyes. “Please touch my cock, (Y/n), I need it so bad, it hurts so much it feels like my cock’s gonna explode, please jerk me off.” You smiled. “That’s more like it. Lay back down and let me take care of you, baby.” Bam laid down on his back again, staring up at you eagerly as he absentmindedly stroked his finger over the length of his cock from where it laid against his belly. You gently moved his hand away, rubbing one of your palms over his chest and tummy as your other hand firmly gripped his shaft.

Bam relaxed, clearly expecting the slow, sensual type of handjob he usually received from you, but you’d already decided it would be more fun to go for the kind of fast, rough handjob that would bring him to the brink of orgasm much faster. You gently teased the tip of his cock with your finger, swiping up the bead of precum that leaked from the tip and licking it off your fingertip; Bam moaned, bucking his hips up lightly, and you wrapped your fingers around the base and slowly pumped it up and down, smiling when Bam leaned his head back against the floor in contentment and mumbled softly under his breath. “Fuck, that feels good.” You continued to jerk him off slowly, luring him into a false sense of security, and then you leaned over and spat on the head of his cock to lube it up, begging to gradually increase your pace as you pumped his cock. Johnny chuckled quietly from behind you, clearly having picked up on what you were doing.

Bam didn’t notice at first, still laying back against the floor as you started jerking him faster and faster, until you were jerking him as quickly as you could, at which point Bam’s head suddenly shot up, eyes wide as weak little moans left his mouth. “Fuck, (Y/n), slow down, I thought the point was for me to not cum.” You grinned. “Oh don’t worry, you’re not gonna cum. I’ll make sure of it.” Bam laid back down uneasily, his belly and hips jerking uncontrollably as you harshly pumped his shaft and massaged his sack with your free hand. Ryan crushed his empty can against his forehead and tossed it aside, looking slightly confused. “Wait, why are you going so fast if you don’t want him to cum?” You looked at him, not slowing down your pace in the slightest, and you smirked. “The faster I do it, the faster he gets close to cumming. The faster he gets close to cumming, the faster I can stop him from getting to cum.” Ryan’s eyes widened in understanding, and he nodded. “That’s evil as hell, but also pretty damn smart.”

You laughed. “Thanks, I try.” Johnny leaned over to get a better look as your hand rubbed over Bam’s achingly hard little cock, and he grinned. “I think he’s getting close.” You glanced over and sure enough, Bam’s eyes were closed, his mouth open just slightly as he bucked his hips up against your touch. He was starting to whimper, which was a telltale sign that he was close to cumming, and his cock was starting to twitch; you ran your thumb over the tip again repeatedly, watching Bam’s face for a sign he was about to cum, and when his mouth started to fall open, you abruptly covered the tip of his cock with your finger to stop him from cumming. Bam whined loudly, laying his head back against the floor as he caught his breath again, and you leaned down to kiss his inner thigh. “Aw, don’t be mad, baby, you’re almost done. Just one more time to go.”

Bam sighed. “Am I doing it this time or are you?” You grinned, exchanging a look with Johnny and Ryan as an idea came to your mind. “Actually, I was thinking maybe I could use something special for this last one.” Bam frowned. “Huh?” You patted his thigh and stood up. “Hold on, let me get something really quickly.” Bam looked like he really didn’t want to lay there naked on the floor with his friends standing over him, but he didn’t protest, and you ran off to your bedroom to open the drawer in your dresser devoted to you and Bam’s sex toys. You searched around for a moment, looking through the various toys, until your eyes landed on what you’d been looking for: your favorite vibrator. One of your favorite things to do with Bam was to use a vibrator on his cock; it always made him cum ten times faster.

You walked back out to the living room, where Johnny had started up a conversation with Bam (who was clearly too horny and uncomfortable to really pay attention). “I got it!” Everyone looked over to see what you were holding; Ryan looked confused again, Johnny looked pleased, and Bam looked straight up terrified; he knew the change of him cumming on accident was so much higher with the vibrator, and if he came on accident, he wouldn’t get to cum again for a week. It was very risky, even for the two of you. You sat back down beside him, brandishing the vibrator with a sly grin. “You look excited.” Bam eyed the toy with a nervous look. “Are you trying to make me lose?” You laughed, leaning over to hold his cock steady by the base as you held up the vibrator. “Relax, baby, I’ll stop it before you cum. I need you to really be on edge so that when I finally fuck you, you’ll cum so quickly it’ll be embarrassing for both of us.” Bam shot you a look. “You’re mean.”

You gave him a quick peck on the lips and smiled. “I know, baby. Here, let’s get this started.” You turned the vibrator on, grinning when Bam flinched at the buzzing sound, and Johnny let out a gleeful laugh from behind you. “Oh man, this I’ve gotta see.” Ryan still looked confused. “What the fuck are you gonna do with that?” You didn’t respond, gently pressing the tip of the vibrator against the head of Bam’s cock. Bam instantly jerked his hips forward, a loud, desperate moan leaving his lips as the vibrations touched his cock. You ran it up the length of his shaft, watching as beads of precum leaked from the tip, and he jerked his hips up again, his hands searching around the floor for something to grab on to. You held out your free hand, and he took it, squeezing it tightly as you rubbed circles over his shaft with the vibrator. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.”

Johnny wasn’t laughing anymore, watching Bam’s reaction with a look of total astonishment. “Damn, he’s almost speechless.” Ryan folded his arms, watching the whole situation with a totally bewildered expression. “I can’t say I’ve ever seen anyone use a vibrator that way, but it looks like it feels fucking incredible.” You grinned. “What can I say, I’m an innovator.” Bam moved his hand down and grabbed your wrist, trying to get you to move the vibrator farther up his shaft. “Right here.” You nodded, moving it up to where he wanted it, and he threw his head back so hard he nearly slammed it against the floor. “Oh fuck, I’m gonna cum, (Y/n), turn it off, turn it off, turn it off–” You quickly turned the vibrator off, watching Bam’s cock get impossibly harder and redder to the point where it looked painful. He whimpered softly, his chest rising and falling quickly as he stared at you with half-lidded eyes. “Please tell me that was the last time.” You laughed. “Yes.”

Bam sighed in relief, and you moved to toss the vibrator aside; Johnny reached down and took it from you, examining the logo on the bottom. “What brand is this? I need one of these.” You playfully rolled your eyes and turned back to Bam, moving to straddle his waist and taking special care not to accidentally brush your bare pussy against his tip as you hovered over him, knowing he’d probably bust a load instantly if you did. Bam automatically grabbed at your hips, waiting for you to lower yourself onto him, and you smirked. “Don’t be so eager, Bam. Remember, your friends are here, you don’t want them to see you be a two-pump chump, do you?” Bam’s face went red as he glanced over at his friends, and he shook his head. “Good. Try and last as long as you can for me, okay?” You didn’t bother to wait for him to respond, immediately sinking down on Bam’s cock without so much as a warning.

Bam gasped at the sensation, his fingers squeezing at your thighs as your warm, wet pussy enveloped his sensitive cock. Bam shut his eyes and leaned his head back against the floor again, clearly trying his hardest to focus on not cumming right then and there, and you shook your head in fake sympathy. “Poor thing. I bet it feels like your cock’s about to explode right now, doesn’t it? It’s probably taking all your energy not to just bust your load inside me right now, and your friends are standing right there watching all of this. Your friends are gonna find out that you can’t go more than a couple of minutes in bed, how humiliating is that?” You pulled all the way off his cock and then slammed back down on it again, grinning when you felt Bam’s cock twitch wildly inside you and his fingernails dig into your skin. “What’s the matter, scared you’re gonna cum already? Go ahead and do it, baby, show Johnny and Ryan how pathetic you are for me.”

Bam shook his head feebly, trying his best not to cum yet, and you pulled off his cock once again, teasingly rubbing your wet folds over his tip. “I won’t ask again, Bam, go ahead and cum, you know you want to.” He shook his head again, still doing his best to hold it in, and you slowly sank down on his cock, tightening up around his cock as you stared into his eyes with a smirk. Bam whimpered, eyes squeezed tightly shut as he weakly bucked his hips up against you, and you leaned down to grab his chin, forcing him to look at you. “I know good and well that your pathetic little cock isn’t gonna last for much longer, baby. Maybe I should get off now and we can go back to edging you–” Bam shook his head frantically. “No, no, don’t make me do that again, (Y/n), I don’t think my dick can take any more of that.” You raised your eyebrows. “You better get a move on then, Bam, I’m starting to get impatient.”

Bam glanced over at Johnny and Ryan again hesitantly, clearly not wanting them to see him cum so quickly, but he knew better than to wait. He relaxed, finally giving up on trying not to cum, and you tightened up around him one more time, smiling in satisfaction when Bam’s hips started bucking wildly and he threw his head back, moaning loudly as he came inside you. It was a long, heavy load, and by the time he finished, his hair was stuck to his forehead from sweat and his face was bright red, his chest rising and falling slowly and his eyes fluttering shut from pure exhaustion. You stayed there for a second, not getting off of his cock as you stared at him in awe, and Bam groaned softly under his breath. “It’s really sensitive right now, baby.” You winced apologetically. “Sorry baby, I got distracted by how pretty you look after you cum.” You pulled off of his cock, and it fell limply against his thigh.

You ignored the cum dripping down your thighs as you knelt by Bam’s head, gently pushing his hair away from his forehead and stroking his face as he came down from his orgasm. You ran the pad of your thumb over his lips, smiling when he opened his mouth automatically to give you access. “God, you’re pretty.” Bam blushed and looked away. “Whatever.” You leaned down and kissed him softly on the lips, and then you heard Ryan clear his throat from behind you. He looked about as uncomfortable as one could expect in this situation, while Johnny looked as amused as ever. “Oh shit, sorry boys, I forgot you were here. Listen, this was fun, but I need to take Bam up to our room for some aftercare, so you guys can go home now. Maybe we can do this again sometime and I’ll let Bam take care of those erections you’ve got going on.” Both men were noticeably hard. Bam mumbled something along the lines of “yeah right”, and Johnny laughed. “Maybe.”

The two men left, and you turned back to Bam, who was still laying totally naked on the floor. “Here, let’s go upstairs and I’ll run a hot shower so we can clean off.” You helped Bam stand, and he leaned against you for support, burrowing his head in your neck as the two of you stood there for a moment. You kissed him on the forehead. “You did a very good job today, baby. You were such a good boy for me, letting me use you in front of your friends like that. I think they liked it.” Bam laughed quietly. “You think? Knoxville’s jeans looked like they were gonna split open.” You smiled. “He’s weird, but I like how open he is, he could be fun to bring into the bedroom sometime.” Bam looked at you. “What about Ryan?” You shrugged. “If he wants, but he didn’t seem too into it.” Bam started to walk with you towards the steps, shaking his head. “I could tell he was, he just gets awkward around sex. I’ll ask him sometime.” The two of you began to head up the stairs, and you glanced back towards the living room couch, eyes widening in shock. “Oh shit, Chris fell asleep on our couch at some point.”

[ava-achlys]

The Boyz NSFW Scenarios

Kim Sunwoo - Hands Off [Requested]

softdom!Sunwoo x gf!reader

Request: Sunwoo likes to play with his girlfriend's breasts

Warnings: mentions of bullying, body image, underage drinking, anxiety (very brief), titfucking

Long overdue request for @ace-seventeen-world , I hope you like it! Also first time writing anything about titfucking, I hope it turned out alright. 🙏🏽

Sunwoo loves you even when you don't feel like loving yourself.

Being well-endowed since puberty hit meant you received a lot of unwanted attention from all genders. Some would pass judgement, calling you desperate for attention; and some would ogle and make lewd comments. This led to you coming to school wearing oversized baggy clothes and even turtlenecks no matter the weather. The less your body was apparent for people to judge, the better, you thought. Except the comments never stopped. You were so sick of your body being the talk of the student population of your small-town high school that you couldn't wait to graduate; and move far away to start afresh in college, where you futilely hoped that people would be more mature about these things.

Moving away for college turned out to be the best decision you made. You made a whole bunch of new, more mature friends who taught you to embrace and appreciate your body. Inappropriate comments from strangers still came your way, but with your new, reliable support system, you learnt to shut them out, and your girlfriends would even try to fight them for you, which made you feel very touched and grateful. Apparently, this sincerity didn't stop with just your good friends. That was also how you met your current boyfriend. Your friends had convinced you to come with them to a party during your first semester, and you allowed them to doll you up, upon much pestering. You were dressed in a nice blouse and skirt, which turned some heads at the party, and though you felt rather self-conscious in the beginning, you loosened up after a few drinks and dances. From there, you didn't care if people paid good or bad attention to you; all you wanted was to have fun with your best friends.

One of your friends introduced you to a gaggle of other first- and second-years, who were very loud and goofy, except for one; who had previously been laughing boisterously along with them until he set his eyes on you. He abruptly stopped laughing when you made eye contact, and you could have sworn he developed a light flush. With pouty lips and dark eyes, and a mop of fluffy black hair, he smiled shyly at you, nodding in acknowledgement and softly introducing himself. His voice was deep and had an attractive drawl and a pleasant raspiness. His name was Sunwoo, and you ingrained it into your memory easily, smiling shyly back at him. You mostly kept to yourself as the rest of them chatted, nursing your drink when a flurry of words and a loud slap shook you. You whipped around to see one of the boys, with cotton-candy hair and sharp feline eyes rubbing his arm and muttering under his breath next to Sunwoo, who was staring at you while whispering something to the boy - Eric, was it?

"Apologize!" Sunwoo hissed, nudging him. You tried to back off but Eric nervously came forward and rubbed his neck sheepishly, stuttering an apology while avoiding your eyes. He didn't specify what he was apologizing for, but you already had an inkling. All your friends were now staring at you, confused as to what had transpired. Unable to handle the stifling awkwardness, you quickly murmured "It's fine, Eric," before speedwalking away to get some fresh air, unaware that a certain dark-haired boy was scurrying after you. You turned to the nearest balcony and hurriedly gulped some fresh air to calm down, all-too-familiar feelings of panic and shame drowning you. You fought back tears, ignoring some of the smokers occupying the same space, who were looking at you with a mixture of confusion and pity. You managed to calm your breathing, and blink back tears, when a figure slowly comes to stand next to you. He doesn't look at you out of courtesy, fixing his gaze straight ahead. "Are you alright?" he asks softly. You nod firmly, trying to seem completely calm. "Eric... sometimes says things without thinking, but I know that's not an excuse. I just want to apologize again, for making you uncomfortable." His voice is gentle and soothing, and you tilt your head to face him, since he was a bit taller.

"It's not your fault, but thanks Sunwoo. And don't worry, parties aren't really my thing, I just came cause my friends were begging me to join them," you chuckle softly, to which Sunwoo gives you a lopsided grin.

"I feel you on that. I'm here to look after my idiot friends."

You share a good laugh, and spend the rest of the evening getting to know each other, but conversation comes easy, like you've known each other for years.

You and Sunwoo's paths seem to cross often, apparently because his faculty was right next to yours, and soon your friend groups merge and become one massive group, and you've even forgiven Eric. Days turned into months, casual meetups turned into lunch and movie dates, and soon you and Sunwoo are constantly switching back and forth staying over at each other's apartments.

Ever since you two started dating and you've gotten used to wearing more comfortable clothes around him, you've noticed him staring at your chest every now and then, but at least he had the decency to look apologetic and embarrassed whenever you catch him. You started to tease him, and he would bashfully hide his face and whine cutely. To get back at you, he'd purposely keep his hands cold and hug you out of nowhere, just to hear you squeal, knowing you're ticklish. Sometimes he'd be even bolder, trailing his hands up your sides and cupping your breasts under your shirt, especially when you walk around the house with no bra on. He'd do it when you're cuddling on the couch watching a movie, or worse, when you're trying to study. You didn't mind it usually, since you appreciated the support from his hands since the weight of your breasts takes a toll on your back, and you weren't fond of wearing a bra 24/7. Except the little shit likes to tease, jiggling them around and squeezing them when he's being extra playful, even grazing your nipples with his fingertips; chuckling lowly in your ear when you gasp or squirm in pleasure.

One night in bed, you confront him jokingly. Your period was on its way soon, and your breasts were feeling extra tender and swollen, something you had complained about, so your dear boyfriend very happily obliged, massaging them gently to ease your discomfort. After a while he gets bored, and starts prodding them, round eyes watching intently as they bounce. You can't help but laugh at how adorably fascinated he looks, so you ask him why he's so enamored by your boobs.

"They're just.. fun to play with, yknow? Bouncy and squishy. Can't help myself okay, you're just so perfect," Sunwoo grumbles, blushing again since he got caught.

"Yeah? What if I lose weight and they get smaller? Will you still like me then?" you ask, feeling rather self-conscious, irrational worries that he only likes you for your assets filling your mind. You try to ignore them, knowing your relationship with Sunwoo was much more than superficial, but trauma and bad memories keep causing you to doubt yourself.

"Of course I would!" Sunwoo gasps, reaching up to hold your face urgently but with such a tender gaze in his eyes. "It's still you, and you'll always be perfect, and I love you no matter what."

Tears welled up in your eyes when he said those words. Few people had treated you with such genuine kindness and you were so grateful to have him as your partner. You squished his cheeks together and pressed a kiss to his lips, surprising him. "I love you too, Sunwoo," you whispered, a small smile on your teary face. A cheeky grin slowly replaces the shock on his face. "Shall I show you just how much I love you?" he drawls, crawling on top of you, making you lay down on the bed. Sunwoo positions you to nestle comfortably against the pillows, helping you take your shirt off afterwards.

Your cheeks start to heat up at Sunwoo's intense gaze raking over your body, and your arms habitually come up to shield your breasts, but he's quick to catch them, gently pulling them away. "Don't be shy. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met, inside and out," he murmurs, making you blush even harder. He kisses you deeply, before trailing his lips down, pressing light kisses down your neck and across your chest, gently nipping at the skin just above your right nipple. He resumes massaging your breasts, admiring the way your face scrunches up cutely in pleasure, his warm hands on your skin making you sigh happily. He leans down again, tracing a circle around your areola, making you shiver. He teases you a little more, flicking your hardened nub with his tongue before finally latching on and suckling on it, rubbing it periodically with his tongue. His hands are still massaging your breasts, twisting and tugging on your other nipple.

He pulls off with a satisfied 'pop' when you whine, pleased with how raw and puffy your nipple has become, glistening with an abundance of his spit. He dives back down to subject your other nipple to the same treatment, but this time, his free hand creeps down your tummy and between your thighs. You moan when he grazes your clit with his fingertips, and you can feel his plush lips smirk into your skin, obviously proud of himself. You willingly part your legs, and he dips his middle finger straight into your folds, your juices coating his finger instantly. He raises his head to look at you, eyebrows raised cheekily. "So wet already, babe? Always knew your nipples were so sensitive," he chuckles, slowly pumping his finger in and out of you. You shut your eyes, the stimulation of his mouth on your chest and his hand on your pussy clouding your mind. He inserts another finger and pumps you faster while he drags his teeth against your puffy nipple, making you shiver and moan even louder.

He starts leaving hickeys and bites all over your decolletage, looking forward to seeing those pretty marks bloom purple tomorrow morning. Finally, he eases up on his ministrations on your chest, and focused on fucking you hard and fast with his fingers, slamming three digits into your core, gleefully watching the way your breasts jiggle from the impact. He glances up at your face, finding your head tossed back, soft mewls and moans falling from raw, bitten lips. You're clutching the bedsheets in a death grip as Sunwoo starts sucking on your clit as he fingers you. He sucks hard, nudging it with his tongue every so often as he slows down his thrusts, opting to scissor you open and drag his fingertips along your walls, rubbing hard against your g-spot when he finds it, indicated by your shrill yelp. "B-babe, gonna c-cum," you gasp, still writhing in pleasure. "Go on, love, cum for me," he mumbles against your core, and soon you're clenching on his fingers, coating them with your cum, and he continues to fuck you through your climax.

Gasping for air, you wince as he pulls his fingers out, pussy clenching on nothing as you watch him idly put them in his mouth, sucking them clean. He smiles lazily at you, telling you how sweet you taste and even gives you a kiss, making you taste yourself. Your cheeks turn crimson again, and you decide you want to return the favor, having felt his hard cock pressing against your thigh when he leaned down to kiss you. You eye the tent in his jeans, and start unbuckling his belt. He looks at you in alarm, grasping your hands to stop you. "Baby, you don't have to do that, this is about you," he smiles gently. You pout at him. "But I wanna help you too! I have an idea that I always wanted to try with you…" Sunwoo takes a moment to consider, making sure you were genuinely comfortable doing so, and his eyes glimmer with anticipation when he nods in agreement. You beam wordlessly at him, helping him out of his jeans and boxers. You can't help but lick your lips at the sight of his erect cock.

Sunwoo's dick always made you feel good, whether it was fucking your pussy or your throat, but you always wondered what it would feel like sliding between your bountiful breasts. You pull him up to straddle your chest, and his eyes widen when he realizes what you want him to do. "Really?" he gasps, dick twitching with excitement when you readily nod. He chokes on a moan when you swipe your finger up his cock, gathering his dripping precum to slather it between your breasts. He slowly slides his dick into the valley between your breasts as your hands push them together, making it even tighter around him, and he groans lowly. Sunwoo thrusts shallowly, loving the way the smooth skin of your breasts feels around his aching cock. He begins to take over, his larger, warmer hands replacing yours, squishing your tits together as he rocks his hips faster, becoming addicted to the the feeling. It wasn't much physical stimulation for you, but you felt yourself getting hot again watching his face contort in pleasure, his tightening grip on your tender, sensitive breasts rather arousing. You can't look away, mesmerized by how good he looks with his lower lip caught between his teeth, grunting softly as he uses your tits to get himself off.

"You look so hot like this Sunwoo," you murmur, your hand resting on his thigh as he continues to piston his hips. He barks out a breathless laugh, "Have you looked at yourself properly? You're fucking gorgeous, babe, don't you ever forget that. Although, I'm down to remind you all the time." he winks. You smirk at him, and your hands come up to squeeze his muscular ass, the same way he likes to squeeze your boobs. He's got a nice butt, you had to admit, toned and sculpted from years of various sports, and it was your weakness the same way your breasts were his. He moans louder when he feels you groping his ass, hips stuttering as he approaches his climax. He throws his head back as he fucks erratically, squishing your tits even tighter together and you keen at the rough treatment. You coax him in a soft whisper to cum all over your tits, and soon he does, painting your chest white as his hips slow down, and he's gasping for air. A little bit of his cum has spurted onto your lips, but you willingly lick it up and smile up at him, your hands still soothingly rubbing his cheeks as he comes down from his high.

You grab some wet tissues from your bedside drawers and clean up your chest as best as you could, wiping away all the cum before Sunwoo flops next to you, resting his head on your chest the way he usually loves to. You lay there in comfortable silence for a while more, stroking his hair and you feel him smile into your skin, his finger absentmindedly tracing the hickeys he's left across your breasts. Maybe going to that party all those months ago was the best decision you ever made (second only to moving here for college), and maybe you and Sunwoo finally get out of bed to shower, and maybe you go for a second round in the bathroom, filling the steamy air with echoes of wet skin slapping and soft proclamations of 'I love you's.

[t0wnspersonb]

Twin Bed (Tsukishima Kei x Reader)

Anonymous said:

are u taking requests rn? 🥺 ive read ur tsukki fics and i know to myself ur the only one who can write this request amazingly: tsukki sneaking in to his s/o’s room at night bc he misses her and he saw how cute she is in her pajamas but couldnt help getting turned on as well bc she is wearing shorts and an oversized shirt it also didnt help that her bed is for one person only ;) UR AN AMAZING AUTHOR AND NEVER STOP WRITING TSUKKI OR HAIKYUU SCENARIOS COS THE PPL NEED U

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Word Count: 2,475

Rated: Explicit

Warnings: SMUT, my shit writing, bad language

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Yoooo this is was legit so fun to write lmao. I hope I did your request justice anon and I appreciate your kind words!!! I know I have other requests sitting in my inbox and I will try and to get to them soon. I might be a bit inactive the next couple of weeks, I will be going vacation (I definitely fucking need it lol) this week and then I start classes again. RIP. I hope you guys enjoy this one and let me know what you think!:) I literally am at a lost for words with how amazing you guys are and how unproblematic you guys have been considering the bullshit that’s been going around in the community. I just want to reiterate that this is a safe and fun place for everyone, it is never my intention to make anyone uncomfortable and if I do please let me know so that I can apologize correctly for it! But to make things clear I will not tolerate any fuckery on this blog, I don’t have the energy nor the patience to deal with shit like that. We are all capable of being decent human beings to each other. No drama, no bullshit, just a fun and safe place for everyone that wants to be part of it. ANYWAY, enough of my ranting, please enjoy this filth and my shit writing lmao 😘😘😘💕💕💕💕

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You frowned slightly as you looked at your phone, your eyes squinting against the harshness of the light. 

 Tsukishima had texted you, multiple times - at two in the morning - in fact. While you dearly adored your boyfriend of only five months, you didn’t exactly adore the fact that he woke you up at this time.

 Especially considering you had to be up in about five hours to get ready for an exam.

 You sighed through your nose as you tugged your blankets from your body and made your way to your door. 

 “Kei… it’s two in the morning…” You yawned, looking up at your tall boyfriend with sleepy eyes. “The dorm manager is going to get mad at me if she catches you here.” 

 “Well let’s not get caught then.” he drawled out, gold eyes flickering over your body. A blonde eyebrow arched up; “is that my shirt?”

 You blinked at him for a moment, not fully registering what he had just asked before a soft blush began to coat your cheeks.

 You were definitely wearing one of his shirts, a green Sendai Frogs shirt that was way too big for your body, given his tall stature. He had left the shirt at your dorm two weeks ago, and naturally you wore it to bed almost every night. 

 “No.” You said in a small voice, carefully playing with your fingers as you looked up at him through your lashes.

 A soft blush covered Tsukishima’s cheeks before he scoffed, his slender fingers reaching up to push his glasses back up his nose. “You’re a terrible liar. Looks good on you though.” he said, brushing past you to get into your room.

 You turned to see him plop himself onto your bed, and you couldn’t help but stare. It was a strange sight to see to say the least. His 6’4 frame was just a tad out of place in your room, especially sitting on your incredibly small bed. But more so he was out of place because, well, your boyfriend was beautiful. It was like a Greek god decided to pay you a secret visit before the sun came up, ready to disappear at any moment. 

 Tsukishima’s hair was tousled perfectly, the tight black shirt he wore complimented him perfectly, emphasizing his broad shoulders and thick biceps. You felt your mouth go dry as you realized that he was wearing grey sweatpants, clinging low on his hips.

 How could someone look so good at two in the morning?

 “Are you just going to stare at me the entire time?” He called out, his back leaning against the wall your bed was pushed up against, his phone in hand. 

 “You’re the one that wanted to come over.” you frowned, locking your door before making your way towards the bed. “You’re taking up all the space.” You whined. 

 He rolled his eyes before his long legs parted, creating a space on the bed. “Come here.” 

 You felt your face burn even more, a strange shyness overtaking you at the intimate position he wanted you in. 

 It wasn’t like you had never been close to Tsukishima before, you guys had been intimate, many times... but then why were you so nervous all of a sudden?

 “What are you waiting for?” he asked, a blonde eyebrow quirked up.

 “Shut up.” you grumbled, carefully climbing over one of his long legs. You settled yourself against him, your upper body fitting easily between his legs, your back resting against his stomach and your head gently pressing into his strong chest.

 Resting against Tsukishima was far better than resting in your tiny bed. 

 One of his arms carefully wrapped around your waist, his large hand gently pressing against your stomach, the other hand held his phone in front of both of you, a volleyball game overtaking the screen.

 It was silent for a moment, both of you absorbed in the video. It had only been fifteen minutes into the game when Tsukishima began looking over your body. His gold eyes taking in your bare legs before flickering up. He zeroed in on the exposed skin of your hip, the shirt you wore had been pulled up slightly. 

 He swallowed thickly, arousal beginning to spike in his blood. Christ, it wasn’t like you were naked right now; it wasn’t like you were wearing anything incredibly enticing, but… fuck. Tsukishima began wracking his brain for when the last time it was that he had seen you. That’s right, it had been a while, a little over two weeks in fact. 

 His sudden desire was because he had just missed you right? He couldn’t possibly be turned on from the simple fact that you were in the shortest shorts known to man, or the fact that you were in his shirt and you weren’t…. Christ, you weren’t wearing a fucking bra. 

 He could see your hardened nipples through the shirt despite how baggy it was on your small body. 

 “Can you hold the phone, my arm is getting tired.” he said quietly, hoping that you hadn’t felt his hardening member against your back just yet. 

 “Really Kei?” you rolled your eyes but took his phone nonetheless, your eyes completely glued to the screen. The game was just beginning to get interesting.

 It was silent again.

 But this time, Tsukishima trailed his hand down to your exposed skin, carefully sliding his fingers under your shirt, gently tracing against your soft skin.

 You sighed softly at his touch, your body wiggling slightly against him to get more comfortable. Tsukishima took that as a good sign, his hands traveling further up, the rough pads of his fingers felt incredible against your skin; goosebumps erupting over your body.

 You shivered slightly, desire spiking in the pit of your stomach as his long fingers began moving further up, until they rested just below your breasts. Your breath hitched, your heart thumping loudly in your ears now. 

 His fingers carefully dragged against the soft underside of your breasts. You felt Tsukishima shift, his upper body sitting up slightly, his lips brushing gently against the shell of your outer ear, hot breath rustled your hair. 

 “Who’s winning?” he murmured, lips grazing against your ear before carefully brushing down towards your neck.

A soft whimper tore through your lips. “It’s uhmm… uh - o-oh Kei.” your eyes fluttered shut as his tongue darted across your skin, tasting you before biting down softly. You could feel your cunt clenching at his actions, your bundle of nerves suddenly throbbing to be touched.

 “What was that?” he teased softly, the hand that was gently caressing the underside of your breasts suddenly moved up, carefully cupping your entire breast, long fingers gently tugging at your hardened nipple.

 You moaned loudly before immediately dropping his phone, both hands clasping your mouth shut tightly.

 “Oh, that’s right, if your dorm manager caught me here, she would be furious right? I don’t want you getting in trouble, so you best be quiet hmm?” he murmured softly against your skin before pinching your nipple hard between two fingers.

 Your breath hitched, your eyes squeezing shut as pleasure rippled through your body.

 “But you make the cutest noises when you're turned on.” he said, his voice incredibly quiet and calm, despite the growing hardness that was pressing into your back now. “You’re in quite the dilemma, aren’t you?”

 His other hand suddenly trailed down, his fingers curling against your through your shorts. 

 “Fuck… you’re soaked.” he groaned quietly, feeling your arousal leaking through your panties and staining your shorts.

 He suddenly leaned back once again, your head once again resting against his strong chest. But despite his composure, his heart was racing just as much as yours. 

 He suddenly bucked his hips up, his cock rubbing against your back. A soft sigh escaped his lips, the hand that was groping your breast pulled out of your shirt and tangled into your hair, gently tugging and forcing you to arch your neck, staring up at the blonde male now.

 His gold eyes held nothing but lust now as he stared down at you with half-lidded eyes. 

 You had never seen a more gorgeous man in your entire life. 

 “What do you want?” he asked, his voice deep with arousal. But before you could say anything, the hand that was grasping you through your clothes suddenly tugged your shorts and panties to the side, long fingers brushing softly against your weeping slit.

 Tsukishima exhaled loudly, his cock jumping against your back as he felt just how wet you were. 

 “Fuck…” he whispered quietly, and carefully slid his finger to the top of your cunt, his finger gently pressing down against your clit.

 A jolt of pleasure erupted through your body, your mouth falling open in a silent plea as your eyes fluttered shut.

 He began rubbing delicate circles against you, a soft pleasure beginning to build up in your lower stomach, your hips rocking up carefully with his movements.

 “K-Kei…” you trembled, your hand reaching down and grasping at his forearm helplessly. 

 “Are you close?” he asked, his finger pressing down just a little bit harder, but that was all that you needed to get your legs shaking.

 The way he touched you… the way that he took care of you… it was no wonder you were completely head over heels for him.

 He was just too good.

 You nodded helplessly against his chest, and then suddenly he pulled his hand away from your dripping cunt, a soft cry of distress tearing through your lips. Why did he… but you were so close…

 “Can you move away for a second?” he asked quietly, gently pushing you forward. You shakily scooted away from him and heard the rustling of sheets and clothes. You twisted your head to look back and - your mouth went dry.

 Tsukishima was still resting against the wall, his lower body easily sprawled out against your bed as you still sat between his long legs, but this time… this time… he laid with one hand behind his head, the other was easily grasping his member, lazily sliding up and down his shaft. His grey sweatpants were bunched up around the tops of his thighs, his black shirt pulled up slightly, exposing his lower stomach and the perfect lines of his Adonis belt.

 “Come here.” he demanded, you turned to crawl over to him, fully intending on taking him into your mouth- his hand flew up, halting your movements. “No. I want to be inside you.”

 Your lips parted slightly as you nodded in a daze, your cunt squeezing around nothing at his words. But before you could sink down on top of his cock, he stopped you once more. 

 “Turn around.” he commanded. Your lips trembled softly, your hands gripping his upper thighs as you situated yourself on top of him, you could feel his fingers tugging your shorts and underwear to the side again, and then something blunt and thick began rubbing up and down your soaked entrance. 

 “Don’t tease me Kei, please.” you whimpered out, but before you could plead further, he grabbed your hips, forcing you to sink all the way down onto his member in one movement.

 You gritted your teeth tightly, biting back the loud shout that wanted to escape your throat at the sudden intrusion, at the force of him already hitting the most devastating depths within you.

 Fuck you had never been quite this full, never had someone quite this deep until you met Tsukishima.

 “Shit.” he cursed, growling slightly, his grip on your hips tightening as his eyes fluttered shut as your tight heat engulfed him completely.

 He could never get used to this. 

 After a moment of adjusting to the new intrusion you began rocking your hips, carefully sliding back and forth, your lips forming into a silent o as pleasure jolted through your body at each drag of his cock against your walls.

 A soft whimper tore through your lips as he began grabbing handfuls of your ass, his fingers gripping tightly at the soft flesh, kneading and pulling your cheeks apart. Before his hand settled on pulling your shorts and underwear further away, his eyes taking in the obscene way your cunt swallowed his cock.

 The quiet room was filled with the sound of rustling sheets, the wet noises of your arousal leaking through your stuffed cunt as Tsukishima slid in and out of you, the soft and breathless moans that escaped your lips, and the soft grunts of Tsukishima as he fought back his release. He couldn’t cum yet, not until you did.

 But he could tell that you were close by the desperate way you rocked your hips, faster, sloppier, chasing for a release.

 “Cum for me.” he demanded, his large hand cracking down against your ass. Your hand came up, stifling the loud gasp that wanted to escape your lips, your cunt clenching tightly around him. You could feel it then, the pleasure mixed with the sharp pain, the tightness in your lower stomach finally releasing. 

 “Fuck that’s it.” He murmured, watching as you trembled above him, his hands coming down to grip at your waist, forcing you to move faster against him as he began chasing his own release.

 Tsukishima gritted his teeth tightly before carefully shoving you off of his member, a soft cry escaping your lips as you collapsed on top of his legs. He gripped his member tightly, shooting thick ropes of his warmth all over your raised bottom, staining your shorts completely.

 “Shit hold on.” he panted slightly, carefully moving himself from under you. He tucked his softening member back into his sweatpants before moving towards your closet, grabbing a towel and making his way back to you. His gentle hands easily cleaning you up before tugging your shorts and panties off, replacing them with fresh ones.

 You looked up at him sleepily as he began situating you both on your small body, half of your body resting on top of his as he drew the blankets over your guys’ form. 

 “You suck Kei. If I fail this exam because I’m too tired to focus, you have to buy me ramen.” you mumbled against his chest, your eyes drooping as sleep began to tug at your mind.

 “If you fail this exam just because you’re tired then that just proves you didn’t actually study for it. You should’ve been able to retain that information regardless.” he said, fingers gently running through your hair.

 “You suck.” you sighed again, softly nuzzling your face into his chest.

 A smile tugged at his lips, but he didn’t say anything else. 

 Not that you would have listened anyway, considering that you were knocked out now. 

 Tsukishima’s body was definitely more comfortable than your twin bed. 

[holy-hyuck]

NCT Dream Reaction: They See You Wearing Their Clothes

warning: there’s like a swear word or two in jaemin’s

by the way, would you guys want me to add shotaro and sungchan as a bonus into these since they’re not in a permanent unit yet?

also no, i absolutely do not have a crush on jaemin, what are you talking about?

Mark

It was so cold, so unbelievably cold in Mark’s apartment. You told him to fix the heating but he’s been too busy binging Netflix to bother. Shivering in your thin tee, you rummaged through Mark’s closet for something warm to wear. If he wasn’t going to get the heating sorted, you were going to steal every last one of his hoodies until he had no other choice.

Throwing the black, oversized hoodie over your head, you made your way downstairs and plopped on the couch beside him, making him turn his attention away from the TV screen and towards you.

“Is that my- Is that my hoodie?”

“Yes, it is. Actually, it’s now mine, at least until you get the heating fixed.” You crossed your arms over your chest and raised an eyebrow at your boyfriend.

Laughing, he threw his arms around you and started mumbling into your neck.

“Gosh, you’re so cute, you have no idea.”

You let out a whine, surrendering. This was not how this was supposed to go.

Renjun

You stayed over at the Dreamies’ dorm with the intent of catching up with them since their busy schedule meant you barely saw them - especially your boyfriend. A sleepover and a movie night seemed like a great idea.

The boys already had a table stacked with snacks and drinks.

You made the awful decision of wearing denim shorts, which meant twisting and turning for the first thirty minutes of the first movie Jeno picked until he had to go to the toilet and you paused it.

“Are you okay?” Jaemin asked, seeing your discomfort.

You shook your head, looking over at your boyfriend. “Do you have anything comfortable I could wear?” you asked, a puppy-like look on your face (or at least an attempted one), and he obliged, bringing you a pair of his sweatpants.

Once Jeno exited the toilet, you changed into your boyfriend’s clothes, coming back into the living room. Upon seeing you, Renjun burst into laughter, the already slightly baggy (on him) sweatpants completely drowning out your legs so it looked like you were wearing a trash bag over them.

“Y-You l-look great-”

He managed between laughs, covering his face, his head falling back into the couch cushions as he nearly fell on Jaemin. He was hoping his hand also covered his blush because - although he wasn’t sure what exactly it was - something about you wearing his clothes made him feel fuzzy inside and he hoped to see you in them again - just maybe in different circumstances.

Jeno

Out on the beach with your friends was the best way you could think of to spend the last weekend off before school. You sat on the sand, watching Yeri and Jaemin splash each other with water, their swimming suits soaked. They've been at it for the past fifteen minutes, and it all started because Jaemin drank one espresso too much and threw Yeri into the water.

You sat next to Jeno, both of you watching your friends laugh, and next to him sat Renjun, who typed on his phone like his life depended on it. You and Jeno didn't speak much; you were a bit awkward around each other, you'll admit, but that's only because two months ago, you kissed during a game of spin the bottle, and it was a little more heated than you would like, and now maybe, just maybe, you've developed a crush on the black-haired boy.

It was weird - you've known him for three years, and never looked at him that way. Only after the kiss, you started seeing him as this handsome guy with crescent-shaped eyes when he smiled, and not just a friend who wasn't ugly.

Your two friends finally got out of the water, making their way to their towels and drying themselves off. You shivered, the evening weather finally catching up to you. Wrapping your arms around yourself, you rubbed the skin harshly, hoping to generate some heat, and hoping you'll be making your way back home soon.

Renjun noticed this and shoved Jeno with his elbow, gesturing to you. When Jeno gave him a confused look, he rolled his eyes and started tugging on Jeno's jacket in an attempt to take it off. They had a little fight to the right of you, but you were none the wiser and ignored them until Jeno cleared his throat. You looked in his direction to see him taking off his jacket and draping it across your shoulders before giving you a small smile.

"You looked like you needed it."

You smiled at him. "Thank you." Both of you looked at the sand beneath your feet, heat rising to your cheeks.

To your left, Jaemin and Yeri exchanged a look and simultaneously rolled their eyes. You were both so goddamn oblivious.

Haechan / Donghyuck

You clipped your hair back with the lonely bobby pin in your pocket, pulling the jacket around you tighter to brace yourself for the ruthless winds outside. Exiting the shop with Donghyuck by your side, you picked up your pace to make it home before it became any colder or windier - which it did, a minute into your journey.

The wind made your eyes water and you shrunk yourself, head down, ignoring your boyfriend, who began failing to catch up to you.

Suddenly, you felt something warm wrap around your neck and turned around to find your boyfriend securing his scarf around it, unzipping your jacket to tuck it underneath, then zipping it back up. It left his neck exposed due to the low-cut t-shirt he wore under his leather jacket, and you frowned at the sight of it, opening your mouth to protest before he interrupted you.

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. You look like you need it more than me.”

Wrapping his arm around you, thus offering you even more of his body’s warmth, he led you towards his apartment, where he made you hot cocoa and cuddled you until you felt warm again.

You still didn’t take off his scarf, and he never asked for it back.

Jaemin

Maybe you didn't remember much from last night, however, when you woke up with a white, oversized denim jacket hanging from your desk chair, you were reminded of Jaemin - a loud and charming boy from one of your classes - lending you the covering after he walked you home after one too many drinks. In your defence, you bet with your friend that you could handle more shots than her, and won (the vomiting-in-the-garden part doesn't matter).

You got ready and rushed into your lecture hall, sitting somewhere in the middle and eyeing the students to spot the black-haired boy. When you managed to finally do so, he was already talking to one of his best friends, and the professor had started the lecture.

At the end of the lecture, you went up to Jaemin, who again, had busied himself talking to his friend. But when the other boy, Lee Jeno, saw you, he slapped Jaemin across the chest to get his attention.

Finally, Jaemin turned to you, taking a second or two to take in your appearance, his denim jacket hanging loosely on your shoulders. He almost laughed, his smile getting bigger than you've ever seen it. In the background, Jeno was laughing his ass off at Jaemin's reaction.

You cleared your throat. "Sorry, I just saw it on my chair today. It's yours right?" You took the jacket off of you and handed it to him once the boy nodded his head. "Thanks for last night, I don't know how I've survived but you certainly made it easier. Anyway, I'll see you later. You too, Jeno."

The older boy waved his hand at you and walked to Jaemin as the two of them watched you leave. "They looked good, huh?"

Jaemin looked to Jeno and smiled. "Fucking gorgeous."

Chenle

You may or may not have gotten too comfortable during your last few weeks of university, wearing sweatpants and a hoodie every day around your house, only swapping out the bottoms for a pair of jeans when going out. Honestly, you couldn't even remember the last time you put any effort into your appearance.

However, the dreadful day came when you had to meet Chenle's friends. You weren't dating for long, only a couple of weeks at most, so you felt the need to impress both them and your boyfriend. Thankfully, the plan to go to an amusement park were cancelled and swapped out for a movie night, so you felt okay with throwing on a hoodie and calling it a day. Spotting a bright blue coloured one in the corner of your bed, and realising it's Chenle's, you quickly pulled it over your head and rushed out of your house after realising you were late.

You were shaking the whole way to Jisung's house, hoping to calm down by the time you got there. He graciously let you inside and introduced you to two other guys and a girl, and you hoped they would spare you the embarrassment of wiping their hands after touching your sweaty palm.

"I like your hoodie," the girl said.

"Oh, thank you. It's Chenle's, actually," you replied after a beat. "Um, where is he?" You looked around, unable to spot the blond boy.

Suddenly, you heard a high-pitched scream coming from your right, an exclamation of "cute!" yelled your way, right before being tackled to the ground by the man-child in question. He pulled the hood over your head and grinned down at you.

"I'm guessing you like it?"

Jisung

Grabbing a book off Jisung's bedside table, you plopped on his bed with nothing but his thick, blue robe on. Admittedly, it was warm and cosy; definitely something you would have to steal. You skimmed through some of the pages of the history textbook before becoming bored and chucking it next to you.

Standing up from the mattress, you wandered around his room, waiting until he finished his shower.

"Hey, have you seen my-" Jisung came out of the bathroom, holding a towel to his chest, "-robe?"

He sighed, looking at you in his garment as you smiled like the Cheshire cat.

"Can I have that back?"

You skidded across the room to stand in front of him, going on your tip-toes and giving him a peck on the lips. "Nope."

Jisung shook his head at your antics before going to change into some clothes.

[spine-buster]

Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒯𝑒𝓂𝓅𝑒𝓇𝒶𝓃𝒸𝑒

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. ̲𝖳̲𝗁̲𝗂̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖼̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗉̲𝗍̲𝖾̲𝗋̲ ̲𝗌̲𝗉̲𝖾̲𝖼̲𝗂̲𝖿̲𝗂̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗅̲𝗒̲ ̲𝗁̲𝖺̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗆̲𝖾̲𝗇̲𝗍̲𝗂̲𝗈̲𝗇̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝖽̲𝖾̲𝖺̲𝗅̲𝗌̲ ̲𝗐̲𝗂̲𝗍̲𝗁̲ ̲𝗍̲𝗋̲𝖺̲𝗎̲𝗆̲𝖺̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝗂̲𝗇̲𝗀̲ ̲𝖿̲𝗋̲𝗈̲𝗆̲ ̲𝗆̲𝗂̲𝗌̲𝖼̲𝖺̲𝗋̲𝗋̲𝗂̲𝖺̲𝗀̲𝖾̲𝗌̲ ̲𝖺̲𝗇̲𝖽̲ ̲𝗌̲𝖾̲𝗑̲𝗎̲𝖺̲𝗅̲ ̲𝖺̲𝖻̲𝗎̲𝗌̲𝖾̲.̲ Please be warned.

Word Count: 15,503

A/N:  I have been loving your feedback on this story so far.  Your canon question about Matthew and Effie are great and I would love to hear and answer more.  It means the world to me that a plot this...unconventional, let’s say, is really taking hold and generating interest.  I know that there’s some really, really serious stuff dealt with in the chapters, so I appreciate everyone’s feedback and maturity about it.  As always, please check the content warning for this chapter.  Otherwise, I hope everyone enjoys the update!

                                                          *     *     *     *     *

She wrote every message on Instagram like an email, and Matthew couldn’t get enough of it.

Hello Matthew,

Today was interesting.  I started classes for my business certificate today.  I sat in a room with about 50 other people and I listened to my professor speak about the course prospectus and what we would be learning and doing.  I didn’t meet any new people or make any new friends but that’s okay.  I want to focus on my studies.  I already have homework.

How has St. Louis been?  I bet you are excited to be back home.  I hope you are relaxing and staying safe.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I know you are going to ace that program, Effie.  You’re very talented and smart and it’ll be no time until you find yourself with a certificate and able to explore more job opportunities.

St. Louis is good.  Brady and Taryn are home too so it’s good to be surrounded by family.  I know it’s not the same for you but one day I think you will find a group of friends that will make up your family.  Most days I go golfing with my dad.  I usually relax by our pool too, or play basketball or some other sport with Brady.  I go to the gym too, to keep up on my fitness for next season.

*

Hello Matthew,

Class was good today.  We started the beginning lectures.  The professor went quickly but I was able to keep up.  I’m definitely learning how to type fast on my laptop!

You said in your message that I’m very talented but I don’t think I’m talented.  I’m maybe talented at some things like baking, but I don’t think I’m talented in much else.  Talents are developed over time and I was never given the opportunity to develop anything because I was expected to be a good wife, tend to children, and read the Bible.  Sometimes I think about if I could have been a piano player or a singer or something creative.  Maybe I could have been a writer like Geneviève if I was given the opportunity young, but I wasn’t.  But that’s okay.  I am trying to make my peace with it.  I will develop what I have now and try to use it for good.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Nobody bakes like you, Effie.  Please don’t think you are not talented, because you are.  I know you weren’t able to develop anything like you said, but you can still find your talents now.  You’re still young!  You’re only entering your 20s in a few weeks.  You can do whatever you set your mind to.

*

Hi Matthew,

Levi and Jenna took me to the mall again today.  We bought some new clothes that fit me better and aren’t so baggy.  They look really nice.  I even bought a dress that falls right at my knee.  Can you believe it?!  I never thought I’d wear something like that.  I never thought anybody else would be able to see my legs!  It’s a very weird feeling but it’s a very pretty dress.  Jenna said I should wear it for my birthday and I think I’m going to do it.  Do you want to see it?  I can send you a picture of it if you want.

I checked the weather in St. Louis and saw there was a big thunderstorm.  I hope you weren’t caught it in or anything.  I can’t imagine your curly hair getting wet in the rain and what it would look like.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

What are you trying to say about my hair??????????

I would love to see your dress.  I bet it looks great on you.  And you will need to send me pictures of you wearing it on your birthday.

*

They happened daily.  Usually sometime after dinner, when Matthew knew Effie had just finished eating and was either winding down for the night or preparing to do homework.  Every day, he waited for the message.  And every day, he’d grab his phone the second he heard the notification, not bothering to wait, and read the message eagerly.

***

Matthew found himself at a raucous house party, one that could have been characteristic of any stereotypical college experience or American movie trying to depict a traditional American life.  It felt like it was straight out of the American Pie movies.  A friend of his was hosting, and there was everything – beer kegs, jungle juice, trashed guys jumping into the pool, music blasting so loud Matthew almost couldn’t hear his own thoughts, girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys at the party not paying attention to them.  

Hot girls taking selfies and posting to Instagram or complaining about boys – he and Brady – not paying attention to them.

Brady was taken and accounted for – Emma was great and Matthew loved her, even though he saw her only sparingly – and so most of the attention tonight was placed on Matthew.  He was the shiny new toy every time he came back to St. Louis in the summers – well, shiny always, but new not so much.  Nothing was new about him being in St. Louis in the summer, but everybody always treated is as such a big deal because he spent most of the year in Calgary.  That’s why attention was always on him, especially at parties like this.  That’s why everybody wanted to talk to him.  That’s why all the girls wanted to talk to him.  Matthew didn’t want to think about it.  He wanted to enjoy his night with his buddies, drinking beer and chatting them all up.  

That was…until Leah made an appearance.

Leah, a girl.  Leah, a girl he would hook up with in the summers…occasionally.  Sporadically.  Like, once a summer when he was back.  Maybe twice.  She’d always show up everywhere and smile and be nice.  And when Matthew was tipsy, or just a little bit drunk, he’d think ‘What the hell’ and let the night take him where it wanted to take him.

Just like now.

“Hey Matty,” she cooed, smiling as she always did and biting the bottom of her lip.  She went in for a hug, wrapping her arms around his shoulders.  He could swear she spilled some of her jungle juice on his neck.

“Hey Leah,” he said, his lips in a tight smile as she pulled away.  She was wearing a frilly crocheted top and cut-off denim shorts.  She looked hot.  Any guy at the party would have wanted to hook up with her.  “How are you?”

“Better now that I see you,” her flirting was automatic.  “How long have you been back for?”

“A few weeks,” Matthew shrugged his shoulders.

“And no call or text?  Ouch, Matty.”

“You always show up places,” he found himself saying, feeling his lips curve into a smirk.  “Didn’t think I needed to call.”

“Well then maybe I should have sent you a text.”

The party went on.  Matthew hung out with his buddies and talked up a storm.  Everybody got a kick out of his hockey stories and were practically begging for more.  He’d catch Leah staring at him from a few friend groups away where she stayed with her girlfriends, or from across the backyard or something, and she’d always bite her lip and flutter her eyelashes.  The beers kept pouring down his throat and he noticed her get closer and closer until she wiggled her way in with her friends.  It probably took a while, but in Matthew’s mind, it felt like it was only a minute until she was right in front of him, red solo cup in her hand.  

“Have you tried the jungle juice?” she asked.

He shook his head.  “I’ve been drinking beer all night.”

“Come get some inside with me,” she said, already grabbing his hand.  She wasn’t taking no for an answer.  She pulled him as he staggered behind her, almost tripping on the steps of the patio and while walking through the screen door.  When they finally got to the kitchen, Leah looked over her shoulder and winked before tugging Matthew nearer to her body.  She spun around in front of the jungle juice to pour some more into her cup.  When she did, Matthew could feel her ass up against his groin.  He felt like he was going to pass out from the beer.

“Did you miss me, Matty?” she asked as she looked at him over her shoulder again.

“I miss everyone in St. Louis,” he replied.

Leah apparently didn’t like that response, because she grinded her ass up against his groin even harder now.  “Don’t say that,” she cooed.  “I know you miss me.  It’s not like there’s anybody in Calgary like me.”

Matthew hummed.  She was right.  There wasn’t anybody like her in Calgary.

Effie was nothing like her.

Matthew’s stomach twisted as images of Effie flooded his mind.  The first one that came was the day he had picked her up at the hairdresser’s when she’d chopped off all her hair.  She looked so cute, and he remembered how bashful he was.  Then came the image of her sitting on another couch watching Little Women intently, at least fifteen bags of candy spread out on the coffee table of Levi’s basement.  She was so into watching the movie, and he was so into watching her.  Then came the image of her face, sweet and innocent and beautiful – the last face he saw in Calgary before heading to the airport and boarding a plane to St. Louis.  “No,” he mumbled out, half-drunk and heart aching.  

“No,” Leah repeated with a smile on her face, turning around finally to face him before trailing her finger down his chest and letting in linger on the hem of his jeans.  “There’s nobody in Calgary like me.”

He furrowed his brows.  He wanted out, but his feet felt like cement.  They always were when he was on the edge of being drunk.  He gulped.  “Where’s Brady?”

“Come with me, Matty,” she tugged at his jeans before grabbing his hands again and dragging him through the house.  She kept looking over her shoulder to smile at him and he kept looking back towards the backyard.  “I know what you need.”

She led him down a hallway, and at the end of that hallway was the bathroom.  She turned on the light and dragged him inside, shutting the door behind them and locking it.  She looked at him suggestively when the click filled the air.  “Le—”

“Shhh…” she pressed her finger against his lips to shut him up, replacing them quickly with her lips as she began to kiss him.  

Matthew closed his eyes.

These weren’t Effie’s lips.

She was kissing his neck now, and had backed him into the sink so he could lean against it.  Her hands wandered down to the button and zipper of his jeans.  Suddenly, she dipped down and was on her knees in front of him.  “Want me to suck you off, Matty?”

“N—No,” he stuttered out, looking down at her.  Matthew felt the zipper being pushed down and her hand on his groin.

“You can come down my throat,” she offered.  

He closed his eyes tightly, and in the darkness, he saw only one person: Effie.  

The only thing that brought him back – because he could have stayed alone in the bathroom with his eyes closed and the image of Effie in his mind for the rest of the God damn party if he really wanted to – was the sound of his zipper being pushed down dramatically.  He opened his eyes.  “Would you stop?!” he demanded, wiggling out of where he’d been backed into the sink.  He grabbed the front of his pants and zipped them up again.

Leah, still on her knees, spun around and glared at him.  “Oh you’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” she got up slowly, not breaking eye contact.  “You have someone in Calgary?” she demanded.

Matthew refused to answer as he did up his button.

“Who the fuck is she?” she demanded again.

“There’s nobody.”

“Fucking hell there’s nobody.  What’s her name?”

“Don’t go there, Leah.  As if I’d tell you.”

“You’re fucking someone in Calgary?  Since when?”

“As if I’d tell you,” he repeated.

She gave him one last glare because unlocking the door.  “Fuck you Matthew Tkachuk.  You’ll fucking miss me.”

“Doubt it.”

***

Hi Matthew,

I went to a Starbucks today to work on some school work and people watch.  When you get back to Calgary, we will need to find a new Starbucks because the one near Levi’s house is too far away now.  Anyway, I was working on an assignment and watching people interact and go about their daily lives.  It was eye-opening and a bit weird to me.  A lot of people were on their phones!  It makes me wonder if I should be on it more…?  A lot of the girls who walked in were really fashionable and it makes me want to go shopping again.  I don’t think I’ll ever look as good as Geneviève or Annica but I could definitely try, and they could help me.  I learn a lot by people watching.  Does that make me weird?

I had a Zoom call with Geneviève and Jacob in Sweden.  She is doing well and helped me with my assignment a little bit.  I’ve been baking shortbread recently, and I’m going to make butter tarts tomorrow.  I miss you being my taste-tester, but I bet you are happy to have home cooking.  Sometimes I wonder if my siblings miss my cooking but I doubt they do.

Did you think I was weird when I said I didn’t miss my family at all?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

I do not think you are weird at all for not missing your family.  They were abusive.  You have no reason to miss them.

People are addicted to their phones these days, which is why you’re so refreshing.  You’re not a slave to it…at least yet lol.  I hurt my eyes sometimes from staring at my screen too long.  

I can’t wait to eat ALL of your baking when I get back.  It’s the best, Effie.  It really is.

I miss you a lot.

*

Hi Matthew,

I miss you too.

Thank you for not thinking I’m weird for not missing my family.

I’ve been watching a lot of movies and listening to a lot of music.  I’ve been researching what’s been popular since I was born and I’m trying to, like, catch up I guess.  Some of the movies I don’t like or don’t get.  Some of them are really funny, and I watched them because I know people quote them all the time.  Like this movie called Bridesmaids.  I want to be able to get references people make even though I wasn’t in the moment of them.  There are some movies I’ve read about online that seem amazing, but I don’t want to watch them alone.  They are:

Eternal Sunshine of a Spotless Mind Moonlight There Will Be Blood Shoplifters Brokeback Mountain The Master Unorthodox

When you come back to Calgary, would you watch them all with me?

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Of course I’ll watch them all with you.

***

Effie Schaffer woke up the morning of her 20th birthday, on July 7, 2021, to her phone ringing.  Birthdays were not a thing in the People’s Dominion of Christ.  They were not celebrated.  Effie always knew when hers was, but as a kid she never had a birthday party, and when she was forced to marry the prophet, she hated her birthday.  Hated it.  She always wished that the prophet would forget about it but he never did.  It was the one day of the year she spent the most time praying, and when she was not praying, she was with the prophet on his demand.  Several weeks later, usually, after a lot of blood loss and visit from the cult’s midwife (though she wasn’t properly medically trained), Abraham would tell Effie that everything was her fault, that God was testing him when He spoke to Abraham and told him to take Effie as his wife.  “July 7.  7/7.  One number above the Devil,” he’d tell her.  “That’s what you are.  Just above the devil.  Your blood and your loss are the signs of having the devil in you.  That’s why you refuse to carry my Son of God.”

She wasn’t expecting anybody to call besides Levi and Jenna, but they said they would be picking her up at noon anyway.  After she rubbed the sleep out of her eyes and sat up in bed a little bit, she was pleasantly surprised, albeit a little shocked, to see Matthew’s name flash across the screen.  The giant FaceTime text was at the bottom of screen.  Effie swiped to answer.  After a bit of lagging, Matthew’s smiling face appeared.  “HAPPY BIRTHDAY!” he screamed, loudly, causing her to jump slightly.  

“Thank you, Matthew,” she said, her heartbeat going back to normal.

“How does it feel to officially be in your twenties?” he asked.

Effie could barely think, so she shrugged.  “When I wake up and my brain starts working, I’ll tell you.”

Matthew furrowed his brows.  It was only then that he noticed half of her hair in a scrunchie and the pillows behind her head.  “Oh shit, I fucked up time zones, didn’t I?” he asked worriedly.  “What time is it there?”

Effie looked at her watch.  “It’s 7:30 in the morning.”

“I woke you up!  Jesus Effie, I’m so sorry,” he began to apologize.  “I’m such an idiot—”

“It’s okay, Matthew,” she said, smiling at how his own smile had faded from his face when he realized he had woken her up early.  7:30 in the morning would have been a godsend two years ago, when she usually woke up at 5:30.  “It’s nice to be woken up by your voice on my birthday, actually.  Someone is at least treating it like a birthday.”

“Levi’s gonna treat you,” he said like it was the most obvious thing in the world.  As if Levi wouldn’t.

“I know,” she said.  “I mean, like…before.  Birthdays weren’t exactly a celebration.”

“You never used to celebrate your birthday?” he asked, thinking back to all the amazing birthdays his parents had thrown he and his siblings over the years.  Because his was so close to Christmas, it was extra special.  His parents always made sure Christmas didn’t overshadow it too much.  Same with Taryn being born on Halloween.  Brady’s parties were always good too because they were right after the start of school, so usually the entire class would be invited.  

“No,” Effie shook her head.  Matthew was sort of waiting for her to elaborate, but it seemed like she didn’t want to.  He left it at that.  “Levi’s taking me to that steakhouse we went to for Noah’s birthday,” she informed him.  “I think I’m gonna have another tomahawk.”

Matthew smiled again.  “Please do, in honour of me.”

“Maybe I’ll take a picture of it to show you what you’re missing.”

“Believe me, I know what I’m missing,” he said.  He bit his lip, wondering for a quick second if he should tell her about the gifts coming her way.  He quickly decided against it, thinking it would be better left as a surprise.  “I’m sorry I can’t be there, Effie.”

“You don’t have to apologize, Matthew,” she told him, meaning it sincerely.  “It’s an amazing thing that you’re so close to them.  I…believe me, I know how important that is…to be able to have people who love you unconditionally, to be able to have people who love you and want to see you and always have your best interests at heart.  I would never want to take that away from you.  And besides, when we watch all those movies together…you’ll be there.  We’ll be reunited.”

He licked his lips, nodding quickly.  “You bet.”

***

Matthew had been lying around the house all day after playing a round of golf with his dad that morning.  He’d tanned by the pool with Taryn and ate straight from the bag of Veggie Straws, but he was pretty glued to his phone because he wanted to see the delivery updates for the gifts he’d gotten Effie for her birthday.

The first gift was a giant bouquet of flowers.  Peonies, mostly, of course, because of her tattoo, set in a beautiful vase.  He’d gotten the delivery notification, then about five minutes later he’d received a picture of it from Effie over Instagram saying thank you.  Fifteen minutes later, she uploaded a photo of it to her Instagram feed and tagged him.  ‘Beautiful bouquet of peonies from my friend Matthew!  I am twenty years old today.’ was her caption.  That was the first gift.

The second was a delivery of some cookies from an amazing bakery in Calgary that Annica and Geneviève always ordered from.  The cookies were divine, but realistically, they weren’t better than Effie’s cookies.  But Effie making cookies for her own birthday wasn’t exactly a gift, so he knew he’d have to order her a batch.  Again, he’d gotten the notification that the cookies had been delivered, and ten minutes later, Effie had sent a selfie of her with one of the chocolate chip cookies.  ‘Yum!’ she’d texted with the photo.  Another notification on Instagram told him Effie had uploaded another photo and tagged him in it.  ‘My friend Matthew gave me cookies too!  How sweet!  Cookies are some of my favourite treats.’  He absolutely loved her feed and the way she used Instagram.  If he had to delete everyone else and just follow her, he’d do it.

The last gift was the trickiest.  He didn’t know how she’d react.  But she didn’t have one of her own – she’d been borrowing Jenna’s – and she needed one, quite literally, for her job.  He wondered if she’d like the colour.  And the make.  And all the attachments.

A ‘MATTHEW, YOU DIDN’T’ text suddenly came through on his phone, and he couldn’t help but smile from ear to ear.  It was the first time it didn’t sound like an email.

Do u like it? he texted back.

I LOVE IT IN THE PISTACHIO TOO MY FAVOURITE COLOUR AND THE SIFTER ATTACHMENT AND THE ICE CREAM MAKER ATTACHMENT MATTHEW!

Im happy u like it! Now u can bake all you want and not have to borrow Jenna’s

“Taryn, mom needs you inside to help with something,” Brady’s voice boomed through the silence of the backyard.  Matthew heard the screen door burst open, and watched conspicuously through his sunglasses as Brady more or less barged towards them.  

“Can she wait?” Taryn didn’t make any effort to move.

“Now Taryn.  She seems pretty adamant,” Brady didn’t give up, his tone serious as he continued to walk towards them.

Taryn grumbled and got up from her seat.  Matthew locked his phone and pretended not to care, even when Brady took Taryn’s place in her lawn chair right beside him and didn’t bother lying down.  Instead, he sat facing Matthew, elbows on his knees and hands joined together, like he was a cop about to interrogate his brother.  “Who’s in Calgary?”

Matthew looked over at him.  “Huh?”

“Who’s in Calgary?” Brady asked again.

Matthew was confused.  “G…Gio?” he asked.

“Who’s in Calgary that made you not hook up with Leah at the party?”

Matthew’s heart dropped in the pit of his stomach.  For fuck sakes.  He sighed deeply and took off his sunglasses, trying to make it seem like everything was being blown out of proportion when, really, Matthew just didn’t want people knowing.  But he told Brady everything – everything.  He was sort of impressed that the secret had lasted this long, if he was being honest.  “Brady…” he began, his voice low.

Brady took off his sunglasses too.  “There’s a girl.”

“Sort of.  It’s complicated.”

“It’s complicated?  What’s her name?”

Matthew thought about not telling him, but there was no point.  Brady would find out eventually, and Matthew would rather Brady learn the news from him than from the rumour mill or from Leah stalking his social media.  “It’s…Effie.”

“Effie?”

“Who’s Effie?” Taryn voice boomed.  The boys whipped their head to see her standing at their family room’s sliding doors, hiding behind the screen door.

“Taryn!” both brothers yelled at their sister.

“Effie?  Who’s Effie?” Chantal called out from the kitchen.

“What’s an Effie?” Keith asked from beside Chantal.  

“Oh my GOD this is a disaster!” Matthew screamed out in frustration.  “Get out of here, Taryn!”

“Who’s Effie?” Brady demanded once more.

Matthew put his heads in his hands dramatically before giving up.  There was no way he was going to get out of this.  Now his whole family would know.  It would be a game of telephone, and by the end of his and Brady’s conversation, Keith would hear Matthew married a girl named Jessie who’d grown up in a hut.  “You remember me talking about one of our physio guys?  Levi Schaffer?” Matthew asked.  Brady nodded.  “His younger sister.”

Brady furrowed his brows.  “Isn’t Levi in his thirties?  You’re dating an older woman, Matthew?”

Matthew rolled his eyes.  “No, you dolt.  She’s fifteen years younger than he is.”

“SHE’S FIFTEEN?!”

“WHAT?!” Taryn screamed from the screen door again.

“AAAAAAARGHHHH!” Matthew screamed in absolute frustration.  “You are literally the dumbest person alive, you know that right?!” he screamed at Brady.

“Matthew!  Apologize to your brother!” Chantal called from the house, opening the screen door and stepping through into the backyard with Keith.  

“But mom!  He’s an idiot!”

“Matthew,” Keith’s voice bellowed. “Now.”

“Sorry,” Matthew grumbled.  His parents always made the siblings do this stuff, ever since they were kids.  “Can we just drop it all?” he asked.

“Nope.  We’re all here now,” Brady said.  “Who’s Effie?”

Matthew sighed heavily.  “She’s a girl I met through my friend Levi at work.”

“What’s the big deal?  Are you dating her?” Keith asked.

“No,” Matthew answered immediately, shaking his head.  “No.  We’re not dating.  Not at all.  She…” he began, trying to find the right words.

“She…” Brady egged on.

“She’s a bit…” Matthew began again.  How was he going to tell them?  How was he gonna word it?  Should he sugar coat it or just come out and say it?  “She’s a bit…different.  She…she and Levi grew up in one of those, like, religious cults, out in rural Alberta.  But a year and a half ago, she escaped, and she’s been trying to adjust to the real world ever since.  I met her in January, at Noah’s birthday.  And ever since, I’ve just been, like…helping her experience the normal world.”

The entire Tkachuk family was silent as they processed the information.  They were definitely expecting a much different explanation from Matthew, that was for sure.  “A religious cult, Matthew?” Chantal was the first to speak.  Matthew nodded his head.  Chantal grew serious.  “Was she abused?”

Matthew hesitated, but he eventually nodded his head.  It wasn’t his business to tell – he knew that – but he couldn’t lie to his own mother.  “She could only wear dresses.  She had to read the Bible all day.  She was married at fourteen to the leader of the cult who was 55.  That sort of thing,” he explained briefly, not wanting to give any more details.

Chantal looked concerned.  Keith looked at his wife before looking back at his son.  “So you’re not dating her, but you’re helping her learn about the real world,” Keith clarified.  Matthew nodded again.  Keith looked at Brady.  “Then that’s none of our business! What’s the big deal?” he huffed.

“It’s not—”

“Why’re you busting his balls then?”

“Keith!” Chantal chastised.

***

Hi Matthew,

I still can’t believe you got me the stand mixer.  I love it so much.  It’s the only thing that I have out on my countertop because there’s no reason to hide it.  And the pistachio colour is sooooooo beautiful.  I promise that as a token of appreciation, I’m going to bake you whatever sweets you want when you get back to Calgary.  Seriously.  Anything you want.  Even if I haven’t made it before.  And I’ll make ice cream too!

I have been taking some walks around Calgary in my spare time.  It’s a really beautiful city.  Sometimes I will do my walks at night and see all the young people out at restaurants and bars and all the light are lit up downtown, and it’s even more beautiful.  It’s so nice to see life in people.  Everybody in the cult was so miserable.  Maybe I’m just saying that because I was so miserable, but that’s how I remember it.  Nobody was happy about life.  Well, they weren’t happy about life like the people in downtown Calgary are on a Friday or Saturday night.  

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Calgary is definitely a beautiful city, and I’m happy that you’re starting to see that.  Wait until you see even more of the country and the world one day!  All of those young people that you see out and about are your age.  I know you are probably very nervous to make new friends, but if you ever want to go out to one of those places, I’m sure Levi or Jenna would take you.  When the team gets back into the city, I know any of the guys would take you too, just like when we went out for Andrew’s birthday.  You just let us know when.  And I apologize in advance for Noah’s behaviour.

I’m going to put in a request for snickerdoodles.  My mom used to make them a lot growing up, but she doesn’t make them as much now because then I’d eat them all and get too pudgy.

*

Hi Matthew,

Snickerdoodles it is.  I will perfect the recipe before you come back.

On top of movies, I’ve also been listening to music.  Levi lets me use his Spotify.  He also told me what an iPod is…was.  Have you heard of Adele?  She’s amazing!  I love her voice.  Most of the time I just let Spotify recommend me things and I end up liking them, but Levi introduced me to some bands too.  Have you heard of Bruce Springsteen?  Taylor Swift?  The Tragically Hip?  Red Hot Chili Peppers?  They’re all so good.  Red Hot Chili Peppers is Levi’s favourite band.  I also really like listening to Coldplay.  I think they’re my favourite out of all of them.  But I also like dancing songs, like the songs that have a good beat.  I wasn’t allowed to dance before (it was too sensual and would tempt the men) so now I feel like I should let it all out.

Sincerely, Effie Schaffer

Dance your heart out Effie.  Fuck them.

Fuck them.

***

Matthew was antsy.  Antsy.  The second the plane landed in Calgary, his leg was bobbing up and down to get off the plane, grab his bags, and go straight to Effie’s apartment.  

It was the first time since he had lived in Calgary that he wanted to go anywhere but his apartment after a flight back to the city.  But Effie had that effect on him these days.  He hadn’t seen her in three months – almost four.  And he was dying to.  FaceTimes and Instagram-messages-formatted-as-emails could only do so much, and satisfy so much in his mind.  He needed to see her, physically see her.  He didn’t know what had happened to him in the past few months, especially since he and Effie had left on such a good note.  No need to rush things.  Take the time.  But this entire summer, all Matthew could think about was her.  All he dreamt about was her.  He wondered if it was the same for her too.  And he wondered, if it was, if she would admit it.

Once he got his bags from baggage claim, he hightailed it out of the airport and got into a taxi.  He gave the driver Effie’s address, and within half an hour, he found himself with his suitcases at the foot of her apartment.

Okay, so maybe he didn’t think this through.  

He hauled both of his suitcases up the staircase, most definitely putting chips in the wood steps along the way.  It reminded him of moving her in to the place months ago, with him yelling at Sean for half of the day but ending with a slice of pie and his first kiss from Effie.  He didn’t know what to expect now, but he knew that whatever he’d get, he’d be happy with.  He knocked on her door and waited.  

When Effie opened it, she looked confused because she wasn’t expecting anybody.  But the second she saw Matthew’s face, her face lit up like a night show of fireworks.  “Matthew!” she squealed, jumping on him and wrapping her arms tightly around his broad shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist.  “What are you doing here?!  You weren’t supposed to be back in Calgary for a few days!” the shock was still evident in her voice.

“Just thought I’d take an earlier flight out,” he said casually.  “Gonna need to customize to the time change anyway.”

As if an hour was going to be a big shock to his system.

When Effie pulled away, she still kept her hands on his shoulders and he kept his hands at her waist.  She’d gained more weight throughout the summer, thankfully, and filled out more.  The pair of jeans she was wearing actually fit.  The top she was wearing actually fit too – a simple navy-striped long sleeve.  He was happy to see that.  She’d been so frail when he met her in January.  She looked like she had life in her now.  “Have you even gone home?” she asked, looking down at his suitcases behind him, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Uh…no,” he said awkwardly.  “Can I bring them in?  I just wanted to see you.”

Effie couldn’t help but gulp at his words.  “I just wanted to see you.”  Nobody had ever said those words to her before – not even her own mother, she thought.  Nobody was ever happy to see her in the cult.  But in the real world, Matthew was.  “Yeah, come in,” she said, moving to remove her hands from his shoulders to give him more space to haul his suitcases into her entrance.  He closed the door behind him when he was done, and that’s when the reality snapped back into Effie’s mind.  “Oh no!” she exclaimed worriedly.

Matthew automatically got worried too.  “Oh no what?”

“You came home early and I—I didn’t make your snickerdoodles!”

A smile automatically appeared on his face.  “Effie, it’s okay,” he said softly, slipping off his shoes.  “It’s not like I told you I was coming back to Calgary.”

The worried look didn’t leave her face.  “Are you sure?  I—I didn’t mean to forget.  I actually made one batch but I thought they could be better for you so I was going to make another and—”

“Effie,” he said sternly, placing a hand over hers, which had bunched together nervously.  “It’s alright.  It’s okay.”

“Are you sure?” she asked one more time.

“I’m positive,” he squeezed her hands gently.  “Just gives me another excuse to come over again in a few days, really.”

A small smile crept on Effie’s face as she realized Matthew wasn’t angry.  Usually, when something like this happened, the outcome was much different.  She didn’t have to worry about that anymore.  “Well come in then, come in,” she said, moving further into her apartment so Matthew could follow her.  “D’you want something to drink?” she asked, already opening up her fridge.

“Tell me what you’ve been learning in school,” Matthew said instead, leaning against it.  “I want to hear everything I missed.”

Effie couldn’t stop talking after that.  They had managed to migrate to her couch and she told him about her courses and teachers and homework and assignments and textbooks and her new computer and the classroom and the building and the campus and the Starbucks on campus and the cafeteria she’d eat in and the vending machine she’d buy snacks from and the bench she’d sit on waiting for class and everything.  Everything.  There was nothing she didn’t talk about.  And he listened to it all, listened to all of it intently, not interrupting once, asking follow-up questions and asking her for more more more more more.  He couldn’t get enough.  He forgot about his water.  He forgot about the homemade Rice Krispie she gave him on a plate on her coffee table.  He forgot that he was going to suggest they go out to a Starbucks.  He forgot that he hadn’t seen her in months and was so desperate to see her that he came here before he even went to his own apartment.  All he could think about was here, and all he could pay attention to was what she was saying.  

He wanted it like this all the time.

“How’s therapy going?” he asked, finally remembering his water and taking a quick sip from his glass.  

“I’m seeing a sex therapist now too.”

That was a bombshell.  Matthew tried not to make it show that he was shocked at the news, but she’d said it so casually – like everyone saw a sex therapist.  And, like, a therapist was one thing, but a sex therapist was another.  He understood why she’d need one, but it was still a shock to him.  “Oh yeah?” he tried to say casually.

Effie nodded her head.  “I told Dr. Barlow how we’d been kissing,” she said, biting her lip and blushing slightly.  “And, um…well, I told her some other things, so she suggested I see the sex therapist to help fix them.”

Fix them?  Matthew had no idea what she meant.  He moved slightly closer to her on the couch as he furrowed his brows.  “What else did you tell her?” he asked softly.  Effie averted his gaze, looking away as if she were embarrassed.  “Effie, come on, you can tell me,” he urged.

“Well…when we—do you promise not to freak out at me?”

His heart ached.  “Of course.”

“When we started kissing—well, when I started kissing you…I liked it a lot,” she said.

“We were kissing each other,” he said, correcting her, because he knew language was important and the way things were phrased was important and he wanted her to know he was 100% in on it too.  He wasn’t exactly innocent.  He was a willing accomplice.  “I was kissing you too.  I liked it a lot too.”

Effie nodded her head.  “Well…I liked it a lot.  But then we had that talk and you left for St. Louis and we were in a good place.  Dr. Barlow told me that was very mature of me, and that she was very impressed.  But then…”

“But then…”

Effie kept averting his gaze.  “Um…but then, well, you weren’t here, and I started to have dreams of us kissing.  I’d lean into you and close my eyes and kiss you.  And your lips were soft like I remembered.  But then it would change.  Quickly.  And it would hurt.  It—it would hurt.  And I’d open my eyes and instead of you, it was…Abraham.  And I’d get so scared.  I’d wake up screaming.”

Matthew’s heart fell in the pit of his stomach.  He felt like he was going to be sick.  “I made you feel that way?”

“No!  No you didn’t,” she shook her head vehemently.  “It was only when you left.  When you’re—Matthew, no,” her words were jumbled because she had started crying.  “When we kissed, I liked it.  I liked it so much.  But my mind was playing tricks on me.”

“Effie, if I hurt you—”

“You didn’t.  You didn’t hurt me at all,” she pressed, her hand extending automatically to grab at his forearm comfortingly.  “You could never hurt me Matthew.  Ever.  I just…” her voice had gotten softer, frailer, more like it had been in January.  “I still see him sometimes.”

If Matthew’s heart had fallen into the pit of his stomach before, then now it had just shattered into a billion pieces.  “Oh, Effie…” he barely got out.

“I don’t want to see him ever again,” she said.  

“C’mere,” he said softly, pulling her body towards his so he could hug her.  He wrapped his arms around her tightly and could feel Effie melt into him, her head cradled on his chest.  He wanted her to feel as safe as possible with him – he’d wanted that since the beginning.  With this new revelation, he now wanted it more than ever.  “You’ll never see him again, Effie.  I promise you.”

“I know I won’t.  I know.  This is happening because of what happened to me.”

“When he would hurt you.”

Effie looked up at him, nodding, almost embarrassingly.  “I know that he can’t hurt me anymore.  But my dreams would take me back to when he did.  It wasn’t you, Matthew.  You didn’t make me feel that way.  I told Dr. Barlow and Dr. Stevenson that.  They’re just trying to help me not see him anymore, and move past the things that he did to me.  And they’re…they’re trying not to make me feel guilty about something so simple like kissing.”

“You felt guilty about us kissing?” he asked.

“Women couldn’t date, right?  So it wasn’t like I was kissing any of the other boys in the cult. We were harlots and sinners if we kissed men, and we were responsible for them straying away from God.  My first kiss was on my fake wedding day.”

Matthew could kill them all.  He had half the heart to jump into his car and drive to Sheerness so that he could.  “I will give you as many kisses as you want if it helps you forget,” he blurted out.

Effie couldn’t help but smile.  “Can we start again now?  Slowly?”

Matthew smiled slightly.  She craned her head up and placed one of her signature chaste kisses on his lips, and he reciprocated readily, the feeling of her lips on his after months of not having them there ranking up there with the best feeling in the world.  When she pulled away, her eyes were still closed, but there was a smile on her face.  Her prior tears had stained her cheeks.  “Hugging you feels nice too,” Effie said, finally opening her eyes.  

Matthew smiled.  “Well then we’ll start doing a lot of that too.”

***

At the beginning of every hockey season, right before training camp, the Calgary Flames hosted a gala to benefit the Calgary Flames Foundation.  The team would set a fundraising goal for the night – often surpassed – and then set one for the season – also surpassed – to give back to the city and community that supported them endlessly, through thick and thin.  The gala was unofficially the kickoff to the season.  Every member of the team, coaching staff, and head office attended.  It was one of Calgary’s biggest events.  It was the one night of the year Matthew didn’t mind being out and having to small-talk with hundreds of strangers, because he knew it was all for a good cause and a greater good.  

Matthew was forced to wear a tuxedo.  All the members of the team were forced to wear tuxedos.  He kept fiddling with his bowtie and Mark kept slapping his hand away.  Matthew thought they all looked like penguins.  He searched around the gala room, already filling up with people.  He took his phone out of his pocket.

You guys here yet? he texted Geneviève, knowing that since Elias and Jacob were already here, she and Annica were coming together.  

We’re in a taxi.  Eyeliner needed to be reapplied because Effie kept crying.

Matthew chuckled to himself, picturing the image of Effie sitting in a chair while Annica and Geneviève fussed over her makeup.  Before he could text her back, another text from her came through.

She looks beautiful, by the way.

Matthew was impatient.  He kept looking towards the doors even though he was supposed to be pretending to be interested in what these rich people had to say.  Levi and Jenna were already there, too, so it really was just him waiting for Effie to arrive.  This entire night didn’t start until Effie arrived.  

Matthew was in a conversation with someone when he saw her walk through the doors.  Annica was wearing a navy blue bodycon dress that showed off her curves, and she looked great.  Geneviève was wearing an emerald green midi-length dress with a high slit, high collar, back cut-out, and cap sleeves, and she looked impeccably chic and stylish, like only Geneviève could.  

But it was Effie, of course, who looked the best.  A bright red dress that fell to her knees, with floral lace and sequins and cape sleeves that covered her otherwise bare arms.  She wore a pair of low nude heels, and her blonde bob was styled professionally as a barely-there curl.  She looked impeccable.  Beautiful.  Stunning.  Gorgeous.  Divine.  Exquisite.  

“Excuse me,” he said quickly to the man and wife he was talking to, and left Elias alone with them as he made his way through the crowd and towards Effie, Annica, and Geneviève.  He pushed past some people gently before finally appearing in front of them.  He could see Geneviève smirking the second they saw him, but he locked eyes with Effie.  When she saw him in his tux, her breath hitched in her throat.  He looked good.  “Hi,” he said to Effie breathlessly.

Annica saw the look in his eyes and knew she had to skedaddle out of there.  “Where’s Elias?”

“Over there,” Matthew pointed behind him, somewhere in the crowd of four hundred people, as if that answered the question and helped her.

“Thanks,” she left, winking at him as she passed him.

Geneviève was next.  “I guess my husband is in the same place?” she asked him.

“Mhm,” he nodded his head quickly.

“Great.  You two behave.  If I don’t see you, I’ll assume you’re in a broom closet,” she said before disappearing into the crowd of people.

Matthew and Effie hadn’t taken their eyes off each other.  Effie thought he looked great in his tux; it was tailored to perfection, and really showed off how thick his body was, but in a good way.  She’d felt it when they hugged when he showed up to her place after landing in Calgary, and if she was being honest with herself, she had been thinking about it ever since.  She kept thinking about being physical with him, about touching him and hugging and cuddling and doing all the things she couldn’t have done with another man before.  And she only wanted to do them with Matthew.  Her mind – and now increasingly her body – wanted to do that only with Matthew.  With the dress and the makeup and the whole look all together, Matthew was a man possessed.  With Geneviève and Annica gone, Matthew couldn’t help but bite his bottom lip to suppress himself from smiling bashfully, like he usually did with Effie.  “You look beautiful, Effie,” he said softly.

“Thanks,” she smiled.  “This is the second dress I’ve ever worn that has shown off my legs.  It’s Geneviève’s.  And – if you can believe it – this is the first time I’ve word something red.”

He couldn’t take it anymore.  From her hair to her makeup to her dress to her shoes, he just couldn’t fucking take it anymore.  He looked around the room quickly before grabbing her hand.  “Come with me,” he mumbled.

“Where are we going?”

He dragged her out of the room and into the foyer.  There were more people out there, sipping on cocktails and eating hors d’oeuvres and getting checked in, so he kept walking with her behind him down the long foyer that connected all the different hall rooms in the complex together.  When it got quieter, and the rush of people were too far away, he led her into a short corridor where a men’s and women’s washroom was.  They were far enough away that he knew no-one from the gala would find them.

“Matthew?  Is everything okay?” she asked as she watched him close the door behind them.

“Everything’s fine,” he said, his voice strained.  “I just…God, Effie, you look so fucking beautiful.”

Effie could pick up on the strain in his voice.  She could also see the fire in his eyes as he looked down at her.  She didn’t know much about the world, and she knew even less about men, but those things alone were telling her something.  Her body was telling her something too, something she’d never heard from it before.  Instead of being repulsed by the body in front of her, she was drawn to it.  Instead of being scared to touch it, she wanted to feel it all over her.  Instead of allowing her mind to take her somewhere else so she didn’t have to focus on pain on hurt or anything else, she wanted to be in the moment and feel everything.  “Kiss me, Matthew,” she said.  She��d never been so bold in her entire life.  She didn’t think she had it in her.

Matthew didn’t need to be told twice.  He held her face between his hands, dipped his head, and began kissing her passionately.  Effie loved it.  It wasn’t a chaste kiss like the kisses they had shared in the past.  This kiss was hungry, and told her almost everything she needed to know about Matthew’s feelings.

Her feelings were similar.  She wanted to explore them.  She wanted to do more.  

That was why, when it was Effie who slid her tongue along Matthew’s lips, he stopped in shock.  Not that he wanted to – the action was just surprising.  He pulled away slightly, making sure it was something she wanted to do.  When he saw her open her eyes slowly, she was bringing her hands up, placing them over his.  “You can touch me, Matthew,” her voice was barely above a whisper.

He let out a shaky breath.  He knew they weren’t exactly gonna hook up in the bathroom or anything, but this was still huge, especially for Effie.  “Are you sure?” he asked.

She nodded her head.  “You won’t hurt me.”

He dipped down and kissed her again.  And he kept kissing her, letting his hands wander to her waist and hips, where he gripped them and pulled them closer to his body.  And she kept kissing him, letting her hands wander down his chest and under his tuxedo jacket to his back, feeling the thickness of his body.  And for at least a few minutes, they were in their own little world, kissing in the men’s bathroom of a banquet hall, hands all over each other as Matthew probably got lipstick all over his mouth.  

Effie was loving it.  The feeling of his soft lips on hers was unlike anything she’d ever felt, and his tongue in her mouth, tasting slightly of the alcohol he’d drunk before she got there, was intoxicating to say the least.  She felt like it could go on forever.  She was pretty sure she would let it go on forever if she could.  She was happy, so happy that she was doing this – that she could do this.  Two years ago, if she’d even thought about it, she would have been scared of being damned to hell for eternity.  Now, she was enjoying it.  Now, she wanted to do it all the time.  Now, she could—

She could—

She—

Now, it hurt a little.

Now, the lips weren’t as soft.

Now, she could feel a prickly, unkept beard scraping at her skin—

“STOP,” she instinctively pushed the body away, scrunching her face and gulping hard.  Before she could see Abraham’s face – before it could appear to her in her mind – she opened her eyes and looked at Matthew.

Matthew.

Matthew.

She saw him staring back at her worriedly and she let out a shaky breath.  He knew why she stopped; he didn’t need to be told.  “I’m—I’m so—”

“Hey hey, it’s okay,” he said soothingly.  “It’s alright, Effie.  We can stop.”

She diverted her eyes from looking at him.  She was so embarrassed.  “You won’t be mad?” she asked.  That was usually how it went for, well…

Matthew put his hand under her chin so he could look her in the eye.  “No,” he said, with as much conviction as he could muster.  “We can stop whenever you want.”

“I’m so—”

“Do not apologize to me,” he said sternly.  She didn’t need to.  He needed her to know that.  “Never apologize to me for that.”

She bit her bottom lip.  “Thank you for stopping.”

“There’s no way in hell I’d keep going.”

Effie nodded.  She understood.  “At least I’m getting better,” she said.  “I didn’t give you a black eye this time.”

Matthew couldn’t help but snort.  It released all the tension in the air immediately; even Effie was giggling slightly.  “That you did not,” he said, grabbing her hand slightly.  “Wanna go back out there?  Well, after we get all this lipstick off of me.”

***

The gala was nice.  It was formal and the food was decent and even though Matthew basically kept his eye on Effie sitting with Levi and Jenna the entire night, it was nice.  He had fun with his teammates.  He embarrassed himself on stage for charity.  At the silent auction, one of his packages with signed memorabilia went for the second-highest bid.  He was proud of what he and the team were able to accomplish in terms of giving back to the community.

But now he had more important things on his mind.  

By the time he found Effie again, she was standing in a group with Levi and Jenna, Jacob and Geneviève, and Annica and Elias.  It looked like they were chatting about something exciting, so Matthew knew he needed to be there.  When Geneviève saw him butt his way in, she smiled.  “I was just reminiscing about when Jacob and I met, and how my friends and I went to the pubs in Oxford after our graduation in our robes and Tudor bonnets,” she said, filling him in.  “There’s nothing better than showing up to a place severely overdressed and then having the time of your life dancing.”

Matthew looked at Geneviève in her dress.  He looked at Annica in hers, and Effie in hers, and Jenna in hers.  He looked to his teammates in his tuxedos, and to Levi wearing a form-fitted navy suit.  “Wanna go dancing?”

Elias smirked.  “The night’s still young.”

***

They ended up at a bar downtown, one that Matthew had been to before but couldn’t really remember exactly what happened (it was his first year in Calgary and he’d just found out hours before that the legal drinking age was only eighteen).  The bouncer looked at them all weirdly in their getups but let them in anyway.  It was only when they entered that they realized it was frosh week for the University of Calgary, and the bar was full of university students drinking and dancing.  The floor was slightly sticky.  It was the perfect venue for the goal they wanted to achieve.

“Oh, this takes me back,” Geneviève giggled, looking out at the sea of people.  She looked at Annica and Jenna.  “Spicy margs?”

Both women nodded.  “Spicy margs.”

She looked at Effie.  “Have you ever had alcohol?”

“No.”

“Do you want to try it while you’re safe with us?”

Effie nodded.  

Geneviève, Effie, and Matthew headed to the bar while the rest of the group went to find a bar table to take over.  Matthew made sure Effie got a spot right at the front as he stood directly behind her, his body pressed against hers.  Geneviève waved down the bartenders and ordered all the drinks.  All the university students clamouring to get a spot at the bar and the attention of the bartenders looked at them weird for their too-fancy clothes.  Geneviève didn’t care – it wasn’t like this was her first time doing this.  Effie was a little self-conscious, but that soon went away when she saw the drinks being made in front of her.

“Whenever you go out to a bar like this, you always want the bartender to make your drink in front of you.  Don’t ever accept a drink from a stranger or if you haven’t seen it made in front of you,” Geneviève cautioned her.  

“Okay,” Effie nodded.  “What happens if I don’t like the spicy margarita though?”

“Then we’ll get you another drink.”

Once all the drinks were made, they were brought back to the bar table the rest of the group managed to find and everyone began drinking.  Effie liked her spicy margarita.  Matthew let her take a sip of his beer but she didn’t like that too much.  She ordered another spicy margarita.  Her body began to feel tingly because of the tequila.  The music started to get progressively louder, too, the bass making the floor vibrate.  Effie looked out onto the dance floor to see a bunch of people her age dancing – grinding, as Matthew called it at Andrew’s birthday many months ago.  She watched them intently, while they were having the time of their lives.  

“You okay?” Matthew asked, bending down to ask as she was looking out at the crowd.  

“I want to dance but I don’t know how to,” she revealed.  “I’m just…looking to see what everyone else is doing.  I wouldn’t be comfortable with that grinding.”

Matthew couldn’t help but smile.  “Nobody knows how to dance, Effie.  We all just move our bodies to the beat of the music.”

The song changed suddenly and it made Geneviève scream at the top of her lungs in excitement.  Effie watched as she grabbed her drink and Jacob’s hand and dragged him towards the dance floor as they began to dance together.  Levi and Jenna followed, and so did Annica and Elias.  The couples weren’t grinding like the university students, but instead danced facing each other, holding hands or swaying back and forth, holding their drinks it their hands and raising them up in the air, miraculously not spilling a thing.  She and Matthew were the only ones left at the bar table.  “This was their wedding song, I think,” Matthew explained, watching Effie watch Jacob and Geneviève dancing.

“What’s it called?”

“I Wanna Dance With Somebody by Whitney Houston.”

“Levi hasn’t introduced me to that one.”

“Levi isn’t the type to listen to Whitney Houston.”

Effie continued to watch them dance, Geneviève singing the lyrics to Jacob at the top of her lungs.  They were so in love with each other, even she could see it, and she barely knew what healthy love was.  A part of her wondered what made them love each other so much, and another part of her wondered if she should ask.  Was it rude to ask something like that?

“D’you want to dance, Effie?” Matthew asked.

Effie looked up at him.  “Do you think people will laugh at me because I don’t know how?”

He shook his head.  “There’s so many people and they’re all so drunk, they won’t even notice you.”

She gripped her margarita tighter.  There was something to be said about overcoming fears ever since she left the cult, and this could be classified as one of them.  But she wasn’t like these university students who were moving their bodies so freely and easily.  She was much more restrained – with everything really – but she wanted to actively work to move away from that.  Conquer her fears.  Do what she needed to do to shed herself from the past.  So she nodded her head.  “Let’s go.”

Matthew grabbed her hand and led her on to the dance floor, moving his body to the song with his beer still in his hand, doing his best not to spill it everywhere, but especially not on Effie wearing Geneviève’s expensive red dress.  Effie watched, moving her feet back and forth awkwardly.  She looked up at Matthew for reassurance, only to see him already smiling at her.  “You got it, you got it,” he said, moving his feet in a similar way.  

“What do I do with my hands?” she asked.

“Just throw ‘em up!” he showed her.  She did the same movements, but she couldn’t step or move with the beat of the music.  Matthew could tell she was nervous.  “Just move your body, Effie.  Move it however you want.  Doesn’t need to be on beat.”

Effie closed her eyes, trying to get the feel of the song in her, but she lost her groove because it soon ended and another began.  This one was even more upbeat – well, it had a better beat – and Effie began to move again.  

Feel buried alive This city is airtight Suffocated and lonely in the crowd I'm surrounded by All the screens of their life Screaming in to space to drown them out

Effie not only began to move her feet and hands, but she tried swaying her hips a bit.  She liked this beat.  She loved this beat.  She lost herself completely in it, dancing with no inhibitions.  Matthew watched as she let loose, moving her body in tune with the music.  Her dancing was unlike anyone else’s around her, and the only thing he wanted to was copy her.  It looked a bit ridiculous, but it didn’t matter to Matthew.  He’d made himself look more ridiculous than this before.  This was nothing.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie opened her eyes to see Matthew.  Matthew, who would wait for her.  Matthew, who had waited for her.  

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

“Go Effie!  Go Effie!” Annica chanted, coming up beside them with Elias, grooving to the beat of the music.  Annica watched Effie moving and followed her movements too – albeit more fluidly – and when Effie looked up and saw Annica, a giant smile took over her face.  Annica screamed in excitement and cheered their drinks together before moving with her, beside Matthew, letting him get closest to her.

So hold me tight I just wanna fade out Somewhere we can ship the world away I'm ready to hide Far from the fallout They won't find us in the paradise we'll make

“Woooooooo!  You go girl!  Get loose!” Geneviève screamed from her other side, approaching them with Jacob beside her who was doing a modified version of the robot.  Matthew watched as Effie closed her eyes, going into her own little world, raising her arms and bopping her body to the music.  It was the happiest and most carefree he’d ever seen her.  He vowed right then and there to take her dancing whenever she wanted to go so she could feel this same way.

I felt down so low Found nowhere to go But I know you wait for me You wait for me So far out of sight Straight into the white But I know you wait for me I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

Effie was feeling it.  She loved it.  She loved this.  She loved the people she was surrounded by.  If this was love, she wanted to feel it all the time.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

When she opened her eyes again, she saw everyone dancing around her.  She stepped closer to Matthew, almost so close that she could feel his body against hers.  They moved together to the climax of the song, Matthew looking down at her and smiling.

Free falling from the high I'm following the voice I know Free falling from the high I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

In his tuxedo and in her frilly red dress with cape sleeves, surrounded by people. it felt like they were the only ones in the world.

'Cause I've been hypnotized by the lights But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight Yeah, it's taken time to realize But I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight I'm coming home I'm coming back down tonight

***

“I think I can live a normal life with him,” Effie told Dr. Barlow as she sat in her usual seat in the office, looking down at her hands.  She’d already been talking for almost an hour during her session, but she felt the need to get that statement out.  Dr. Barlow had the right to know.

“With Matthew?” Dr. Barlow clarified.

Effie nodded her head.  Who else would she be talking about?  “He’s never once made me feel uncomfortable or unsafe or…like…ashamed of what I went through,” she elaborated.  

“That’s a very positive thing,” Dr. Barlow said, her voice steady.  “It’s good that you’re thinking about these things, Effie.  You’re thinking about your future.  You actually see a future for yourself.  But how normal do you think a friendship or perhaps even a life with a hockey player can be?” she asked.

Effie shrugged her shoulders.  “I don’t know.  I barely understand hockey as it is.”

“Well, hockey players don’t exactly live the most conventional of lifestyles.  They travel a lot, as I’m sure you know since Levi travels with the team.”

“Yeah…” Effie didn’t know where Dr. Barlow was going with this.  “That’s…that’s not the biggest deal to me.”

Dr. Barlow nodded her head, writing something down on her pad of paper.  “Have you continued to kiss him since he’s come back?”  Effie nodded.  “Regularly?”

“Semi-regularly.”

“Have you told Dr. Stevenson?” she asked.  Effie nodded again.  “Do you still envision Abraham sometimes?”

Effie hesitated before nodding her head.  She knew she couldn’t lie.  “It’s been getting better though.  We kissed for a couple of minutes once before I, um, felt Abraham’s beard.  And when he stopped, he didn’t get mad at all.  I means it’s progress from when he brushed up against me in bed and I gave him a black eye,” she tried to joke.

Dr. Barlow apparently didn’t find it funny like Matthew had.  She just nodded again and wrote on her note pad.  “You should tell Dr. Stevenson about that.”

***

“I made another pint of maple pecan ice cream,” Effie told Levi as she handed him a Tupperware full of white chocolate macadamia nut cookies.  They were mostly for Jenna – she was craving them.  Jenna had been craving a lot of things lately, ever since Effie got her own mixer, anyway.  Effie had been experimenting making ice cream.  The café was pleased about this as well.  The owner was already looking to invest in ice cream storage to be able to serve it.  “I’ve found a real gem in you, Effie,” the owner would repeat over and over again to her.  Matthew had to stop himself constantly from getting a third bowl on nights he’d come over.  He’d tap at his stomach and say “I can’t” but when he’d go and put his bowl in the sink, she’d always see him hesitate before he did so.  “Do you want it?”

“Please,” he begged his sister.  She moved to open her freezer.  “I swear Effie, the best thing Matthew’s ever done was get you that KitchenAid.  I’ve been gaining weight ever since.”

Effie smiled.  “At least you’re not the hockey player that has to stay in peak physical condition.  Matthew’s been complaining that I’m making him pudgy.”

“Thank God.”

“Speaking of…” she began, handing him the pint of ice cream.  “Do you think you can teach me about hockey?”

“You mean like the rules and stuff?”

“Yeah.  You know, like what’s going on out there whenever I’m at games.”

“Okay,” he nodded, shrugging his shoulder slightly.  “Any reason?”

“If I’m going to be surrounded by hockey because of you, then I should learn it, shouldn’t I?” Effie asked rhetorically.  

“Sure,” he side-eyed his sister playfully.  “But does this have anything to do with Matthew?”

“What if it does?”

Levi smiled.  He knew there was something going on between the two of them, regardless of whether or not they wanted to tell him.  He liked Matthew, he knew he was a good kid, so it wasn’t the worst thing in the world.  She could have hooked up with someone way worse.  Actually, she could have gone the opposite route of where she currently was (which many former cult members went), which was becoming a hypersexual after being sexually repressed for so many years.  Effie was taking her time with it, and that was fine, but if her friendship…or relationship, or whatever she had going on with Matthew was any indication, Levi figured Effie was thinking about it.  “I don’t care, Effie.  It’s kind of cute, actually.”

“So you’ll teach me?”

“Of course.  I’ll have you screaming at the referees in no time.”

***

“So Levi’s teaching me about hockey,” Effie said as she marinated chicken in her kitchen, her phone call with Matthew on speakerphone as she moved around and got her hands dirty.  

“He is?”

“Mhm.  By the time the home opener comes around, I’ll be able to understand what’s going on,” she revealed.

“I better get you a Tkachuk jersey then.”

Effie smiled bashfully, even though he couldn’t see it.  “You don’t want me wearing a Markstrom one like last time?” she joked.

“Effie.”

***

Effie was nervous as she sat in Dr. Stevenson’s office.  Not because she was scared, or because she wasn’t a good sex therapist, or because of anything like that.  She was nervous to admit to her the thoughts she’d been having about Matthew, even though she knew Dr. Stevenson wouldn’t judge her at all and that it was his job to help her.  Help her make peace with these thoughts; help her realize they were completely normal and okay; help her act on them, eventually, in a healthy way.  Dr. Stevenson already knew about Matthew – she knew about him from Effie’s very first day.  

“My mind may not be ready but my body is physically attracted to him. I don’t know how to…you know, mend the two so that both are on the same page,” Effie admitted after almost an hour.  “I want to be with him.  I do.  I know he won’t hurt me – that he’d never hurt me.”

Dr. Stevenson nodded.  “When you were in the People’s Dominion of Christ, there was a huge power imbalance between Abraham, being the prophet and leader, and the followers – you,” Dr. Stevenson began to explain.  “This imbalance made it impossible for you to give true consent to sex.”

Effie’s body stiffened.  Consent.  Geneviève had taught her that term early on.  Consent was giving permission for something to happen.  Effie had never given her consent to marry Abraham.  She’d never given Abraham consent to consummate their marriage.  She’d never given Abraham consent to touch her, stroke her, do anything to her.  She’d surely never given him consent to impregnate her.  “Okay…that makes sense.  But I didn’t know I had to give consent.  I thought that men could do whatever they wanted with my body.  Especially Abraham, since he was the prophet.”

“The institutionalized sexism in the cult is nothing I haven’t heard before.  Many victims like yourself have said the exact same thing to me,” Dr. Stevenson said.  “You are not alone.  There are many people like you, unfortunately.  When females are not equally valued because of misogyny, because of outdated traditional gender roles that are disempowering, it makes women like you experience sexual inequality and become more susceptible to leaders who will exploit you.”

“So how do I get it back?”

“Get what back?”

“My agency.  My…my…” Effie began to tear up, thinking about all the things she had to endure at the hands of Abraham – literally and metaphorically.  “How do I get my mind back?  My body is finally mine, and I can do what I want with it, but I don’t feel like I have my mind back yet if I’m kissing Matthew but then all of a sudden I remember the feeling of Abraham’s beard or that I can’t sit or lie at the foot of a bed because that’s where…”

Dr. Stevenson took a deep breath.  “One way to do so is to embrace, appreciate, and celebrate your sexual self.  That is what I am trying to help you do here.  You need to understand that your capacity for pleasure is not a luxury, and it is not shameful either.  It is a necessity for a well-balanced and emotionally happy life.  As a woman – as a survivor of sexual abuse, of rape – you should take a stand for your own sexual healing and embrace sexual pleasure as something that will help heal you.”

Effie nodded her head, more tears escaping her now, but she understood.  She knew what she needed to do, and the mental shift she needed to go through.  Touching could be pleasurable for the woman.  Sex could be pleasurable for the woman. Not everything had to hurt.  Not everything had to come with pain.  

“I’m not saying this is going to happen tomorrow for you, Effie,” Dr. Stevenson continued.  “I’m not saying it’ll happen next month, or year.  It happens quickly for some, and for others it can take years.  Everybody has their own timeline – you included.  You have to remember that your trauma comes with complex PTSD.  If you set goals for yourself, like you already have been doing, with a person you are comfortable with – Matthew – your sexual self will grow with your physical self and your mental self.  When those three parts of you are aligned, they will all grow stronger, and make you stronger.”

Effie kept nodding.  The words were permeating through her like lightning.  “I’m going to try.  I’m really going to try.”

“Just stop when you need to stop.  Go when you want to go.  You’ll get there, Effie.”

***

“Did you learn about gay people in the cult?” Matthew asked as he prepared Brokeback Mountain on the TV while Effie finished pouring the popcorn into the bowl.  

“Not in a good way, if that’s what you’re really asking,” she said from the kitchen.  “You know the stupid Bible verse.  The prophet called it an abomination.  But it was one of the first things that Levi and Jenna taught out of me when I first went to live with them, because Jenna’s brother is gay and has a husband and two kids.  Levi didn’t want me to be shocked if I ever saw them.”

Matthew didn’t know that about Jenna.  But he nodded his head and watched Effie bring the bowl of popcorn over.  “Have you met them?”

Effie nodded.  “They came over a few months after I arrived.  They were so incredibly kind,” she explained.  She handed the popcorn bowl to Matthew to take before folding her leg and collapsing onto the couch beside him, facing him.  “It really…it really messed with me.  I mean, it’s not like I wanted to think that way.  It was what I was conditioned to think.  I didn’t know better.  And I felt so bad, because I knew they knew, but they were so understanding.  From the moment they walked through the door they were so nice and they didn’t hold it against me,” she explained.  

Matthew could only listen.  And though he listened through her entire explanation, he was hung up on one thing.  “You should stop calling him the prophet,” he said suddenly, not really thinking it through but needing to get it out.  “He wasn’t a prophet.  He wasn’t even your husband.  He was just some guy.”

Effie looked stunned by what he was saying.  She’d never considered that before.  She was so used to calling him the prophet that the thought hadn’t even crossed her mind – ever.  “You’re right,” she said, unable to say anything else.  It was such a simple sentiment but it held so much power.  “I…you’re right, Matthew.”

He smiled slightly.  “Wanna start the movie?”

Effie nodded.  Matthew extended his arm to move the bowl to the side, and his other arm moved upwards slightly, signalling to Effie that it was already to cuddle.  She moved closer to him, snuggling into his side and letting both legs drape over his thigh.  Only then did he let his arm down, draping it over her back.  Effie looked up at him.  “Is that okay?” she asked.

“It’s perfect,” he whispered, placing the bowl of popcorn between their bodies so they had equal access to it.  “You comfortable?”

“Mhm.”

“Effie, are you comfortable?” he repeated.

She knew why he was repeating himself.  She looked up at him and smiled.  “The comfiest I’ve ever been.”

Matthew pressed play.  From that moment, Effie’s eyes were glued to the screen, hooked on the love story unfolding in front of her.  For Matthew, he was more hooked on watching her than the movie, but he kept up slightly.  At some point during the movie – Matthew didn’t pay attention when – Effie’s hand settled on his abs, and it was all he could think about for the rest of the night.  He was acutely aware of its placement.  Then, the sadder scenes started happening, and he’d feel the hand grip his t-shirt, and his body would seize up.  She’d soften it, but then grip again when something emotional would happen.  Then the scene where Ennis visits Jack’s parents after his death occurred, and Ennis was let into Jack’s childhood bedroom and found his old shirt.  Matthew watched as Ennis smelled it and clutched it against his chest.

Then he heard Effie let out a sob.  

She gripped him tighter than she ever had.  He tightened his hold on her too, shifting slightly and letting his shirt ride up against the couch, just so she could cuddle into him even more than she already was.  He could feel her hand on his skin now, gripping at his side tenderly as the tears still rolled down her face.  He took the opportunity to place his hand in the small sliver of space where her shirt had ridden up too, squeezing and massaging it gently to comfort her.  “Y’okay?” his voice was barely above a whisper.

She didn’t respond.  Her eyes were glued to the TV.  As the movie continued, Matthew left his hand exactly where it was, and Effie left her hand exactly where it was.  Holding each other.  Clutching each other.  

When the movie ended, Effie didn’t move for a long time.  Not even when the credits began rolling on the screen.  “Are you okay, Effie?” Matthew repeated his question from earlier, albeit a bit louder and more pronounced this time.

“I think my heart is broken,” she finally let out, bringing the hand that was squeezing his side to her face so she could wipe her tears away.  “That was beautiful.  Beautiful.”

“It was,” Matthew agreed.  It was very obvious the movie was affecting her a lot.

Effie moved so she could look up at Matthew, craning her head and bringing her hand up to cradle his face so she could kiss him.  When their lips connected, Matthew could feel the wetness of her cheeks.  “I can’t believe I was ever scared of that,” she whispered against his lips when she pulled away.

“Doesn’t matter.  What matters is what you think now.”

Effie nodded.  He always knew the right things to say.  He was helping her change her past and way of thinking one way or another.  “I think I want to kiss you again.”

Matthew kissed her.  And even as the credits finished, neither of them would let go of the other.

***

The Calgary Flames home opener at the Saddledome had Effie buzzing with excitement.  She wore a brand new pair of jeans for the occasion, and arrived at the game with Jenna, Annica, and Geneviève.  As was normal for them, Annica was wearing her tried and true Lindholm jersey, while Geneviève was sporting a Markstrom one.  Jenna wore Levi’s old Iginla jersey.  

Effie had Tkachuk sprawled across her back.  

“Do you want to go down near the ice and wave?” Annica asked, and Effie nodded her head.  “It might get a big crowded, so stay near me.”

The ladies descended down the steps, joining the pretty big crowd that had formed against the glass beside Jacob’s net.  A bunch of kids were up against the glass with homemade signs, their parents near them taking pictures.  Some men around Effie’s age were there too, drinking beers with their jerseys on and taking videos on their phones.  Other girls her age were there too, taking pictures of all the players.  “Can you see Matthew?” Geneviève asked as she looked down at Effie.

“He’s over there,” she smiled, pointing at Matthew across the ice.  He was practicing his stickhandling, in such deep concentration that he didn’t look up for a while.  When he finally did look up, happy with his stickhandling, he began skating around the ice, bumping into Noah and Andrew along the way.  

Effie waved excitedly.

Matthew stopped when he saw her.  Even though there was glass streaked with puck shots and some distance between them, she could see him smile from ear to ear, his mouth guard hanging out.  He waved back, his hockey glove looking like a giant bear claw.

“God you two are insufferable,” Geneviève said jokingly.

Matthew continued to skate around, shooting the puck at the net, each of them going in.  Geneviève noticed all of his glances back at them, and the small smile constantly on his face as he went about his drills.  When the practice was almost over, she kept an eye intently on him, watching as he skated over.  She knew what he wanted to go.  “Go closer,” she said to Effie, urging her with a little nudge.  

Effie took her cue and stepped down, closer to the glass.  Matthew had flipped a puck over the glass towards a kid with a sign for him.  Now, as Effie watched, he pointed to her and made sure everyone around knew who he was pointing to.  She turned around slightly, pointing to his name on her back.  He smiled wide and flipped another puck, perfectly, right into her hands.  

Geneviève watched as the young women around them eyed Effie suspiciously.

***

“Matthew!” Effie squealed once he finally emerged from the locker room, his suit back on and his tie tied loosely around his neck.  She hugged him excitedly, wrapping her arms around his shoulders as he reciprocated.  “Great game!”

“Thanks, Effie.”

“And your goal!” she continued.  Now that she actually understood hockey, and now that she wasn’t scared about every little thing around her at the arena, she could actually enjoy the experience and know what was going on.  “What a great goal!”

He had the puck in his pocket, and had planned to give it to her, but right now his mind was elsewhere.  Seeing her in his jersey at the beginning of the game did things to him, and although he was able to focus throughout the sixty minutes, now that he saw her again with his name sprawled across her back, his mind was right where it was the moment he first saw her that night.  “Wanna come over mine and watch a movie?” he asked, his voice low so no-one else would hear.

To his complete surprise, Effie nodded her head immediately.  “Of course.”

They left inconspicuously without saying goodbye to anyone.

***

Effie broke down during the first scene.

Matthew had changed out of his suit and into a sweater and track pants, and Effie had taken off the jersey and hung it up in his front closet.  They cuddled on the couch together, exactly as they’d done when they watched Brokeback Mountain, and Matthew pressed play on Netflix.  The first scene was the main character, Esty, packing up her most valuable belongings, including a small picture of her grandmother, and running away from her Hasidic community.  All before the opening credits.  When the show’s opening played, he heard Effie let out a loud sob.

“Hey hey hey,” he cooed, watching as she brought her hand up to cover her mouth to try and control herself, but there was no use.  Tears were streaming down her face.  “It’s alright, it’s alright.”

“It’s me,” she said softly, through tears.  “It’s me.”

“C’mere,” he said, pulling her even closer against his body, if that was possible.  Every inch of her was touching him now, with his arms wrapped tightly around her, and he hoped that brought her at least some reprieve.  She was wiping her face with her hands, and he could see her chest heaving, though he could tell she was taking deep breaths to calm herself down.  Maybe this wasn’t the best idea.  “We can stop it or watch so—”

“No,” she interjected sternly, looking up at him.  “I can do this.”

“I know you can Effie, but—”

“No buts.  I can watch this,” she was adamant.  

Matthew lost.  He knew he would.  He bit his bottom lip and nodded his head.  “Will you promise to tell me if it becomes too much?”

Effie nodded.  She snuck her hand underneath his sweater to feel his skin again, and she – surprisingly – game him a quick peck before laying her head on his chest again.  “Press play.”

Matthew kissed her forehead, then the crown of her head, then laid his cheek there before pressing play.  

Effie broke down again less than ten minutes later, when the grandmother was listening to an old German song, An Die Musik sung by Elisabeth Scwartzkopf.  And again, when Yanky was searching her childhood bedroom and found her personal items and her music.  The last scene she cried to was near the end, when Esty’s biological mother showed up and gave her documents to prove German citizenship “just in case you need somewhere else to go”.  When the episode ended, Effie was shedding her last tears.  Matthew paused Netflix before the episode could switch over.  “You okay?”

Effie nodded, despite her tears.  “I know it’s different religions, but a lot of things were just, like, so similar,” she explained.  “The…the beginning brought me back.”

“I can only imagine,” Matthew whispered.

“The grandmother crying listening to that beautiful song.  Esty’s music.  Her mom still looking out for her despite abandoning her.  It all just…it all just really hit home.”  Matthew nodded.  It was the only thing he could do.  If Effie wanted to elaborate, she could, but he wasn’t going to force her.  Instead, he shifted her body so she was sitting more in his lap as opposed to right beside him.  She steadied her breathing, and her tears had stopped.  “When I went to live with the proph—Abraham, as his wife,” she began, “he made me leave everything at home besides my clothes.  I couldn’t see my favourite things unless I was visiting, and even then, I’d never be alone in my room for more than two minutes because he knew I’d be reminiscing, and he said it was a sin to dwell on my past life when I should have been looking forward to my future as his wife and as a mother to his son of God.”  She paused, biting her bottom lip; Matthew could tell she was remembering it all vividly in her mind.  “After a year my mom threw out all my things anyway.  Because she agreed with him.”

“What did you have?  What were your things?” he asked, sad and angry and disturbed all at once.  

“Just simple things.  Nothing special,” she said.  “My…my own Bible that I’d been using since I was a kid.  A journal I had where I recorded my favourite verses.  A doll I had when I was a kid that another member made for me.  Just stupid things.”

“They’re not stupid things if they were special for you,” Matthew said.  “I can’t believe your mom threw them all out.  My mom has kept my kindergarten paintings.”

Effie smiled slightly.  “That’s because you have a good mom who knows how to be a mother.”

Matthew digressed.  Effie obviously hadn’t meant Chantal yet, but Matthew talked about her enough that Effie knew a lot about her.  “I know I keep saying this, but you’re so strong, Effie.”

“It’s a lot to overcome,” she whispered, nodding her head.  They sat for a while in comfortable silence, just being with each other.  Matthew’s arms were still wrapped around her.  Effie was still in hip lap, looking at him.  “Will you kiss me, Matthew?”

Matthew smiled slightly before dipping his head down and capturing her lips in a kiss.  It wasn’t long before – once again – Effie took the initiative to slip her tongue into his mouth.  There was kissing – so much kissing – and Matthew took it upon himself to start to lay Effie down on the couch, his body looming over hers slightly and—

“Stop,” Effie said, her hands on his chest, pushing him off her slightly.  Matthew immediately stopped and moved away from her.  Her chest heaved up and down once before she pushed herself up.  “I’m sorry.”

“Never apologize,” he said.  “Did you see him again?”

Effie didn’t answer.  “I think it happened because we laid down,” she said, her lips puffy from all the kissing.  

Matthew was catching his breath.  He was thankful that he was wearing track pants or else Effie would see how…excited he’d become.  “How about you stay on top then?”

She furrowed her brows.  “What do you mean?”

“We—we can stay upright,” Matthew explained.  “You can sit on my lap if you want…facing me.  Or you could just…you know, like, sit…” he was losing his words.

Effie looked confused.  Nervous.  Like she didn’t know what to think.  Like she was picturing the scenario in her head and couldn’t really make sense of any of it.  “W—Women are allowed to do that?” she asked softly.  Matthew couldn’t speak; he could only stare at her flabbergasted.  He nodded his head slightly, and Effie thought about it.  How women could be ‘on top’.  What that would look like.  What that would entail.  “C…Can you—can you show…” she was too embarrassed to even be asking.  

“C’mere,” he said, extending his hand.  She put her hand in his and he pulled her towards him.  “Put your one leg over here,” he said, patting to the space on the other side of him.  She did so slowly.  “And your other leg goes here,” he explained, and she did the same movement, “and now you can just sit on my lap.”

Effie took a deep breath as she lowered herself down until she could feel his thighs as her seat.  Both she and Matthew had barely blinked the entire time during his simple act of showing her how to straddle him, but she had never done it before (and it wasn’t like she would have been allowed to), and so everything about it was new to her.  Now, she was face-to-face with him, her hands resting on his chest, his hands resting near the bend in her knees.  “This is new,” she said.

“Are you comfy?” he asked.  She nodded.  “D’you like it?” he asked again.

“It’ll take some getting used to,” she admitted.  “But I can see it being nice.”

Being nice.  Matthew couldn’t help but grin.  “It’ll be nice.  Trust me.”

Effie nodded.  She did trust Matthew.  So when she went in to continue their kisses, it was nice, and it was beautiful, and it wasn’t so bad anymore.  Which is why, when Matthew’s hands moved from her knees up her thighs, it was okay.  When his hands squeezed at her flesh through her pants before going higher, it was okay.  When his hands moved to her hips and pulled her even closer, it was okay.

It was okay.

[mango-bango-bby]

NSFW alphabet with our fav blasty boy bakugou?

♡ Yandere Bakugou NSFW Alphabet ♡

Here you go 💕💖💗💝

(Fem!darling)

A = Aftercare (what they’re like after sex) ♡

Although Katsuki may seem tough on the outside, he does really care about you so he always wants to make sure you’re ok. Katsuki likes to lay with you for at least ten minutes before he cleans you up. You could try to get up but he’s stronger than you, so just cuddle with him. Sometimes he can get a little bit rough with you and hurt you a little bit.

“You.. you did really good. I-I’m proud of you, baby”

“Why the fuck are you crying? Do you need something? Are you hurt?”

B = Body part (their favorite body part of theirs and also their partner’s) ♡

Katsuki loves your thighs. You’ll have hickeys and bite marks over your thighs. It hurts when he does so and he’ll try to make sure they don’t hurt as much. Sometimes there are bruises on your thighs in the shape of his hand. If he really hurts you, please tell him. He doesn’t mean to hurt you, it just kind of happens, he can’t get rid of his rough nature.

Katsuki is very proud of his arms. They’re muscular and large and covered in “heroic” scars. He knows he pretty muscular so he will try to show off in front of you.

C = Cum (anything to do with cum, basically) ♡

Katsuki’s pretty good with everything, inside you, on you, everything. He doesn’t like wearing condoms, though. So you’ll probably have to take birth control because he gets cranky if you make him wear a condom.

D = Dirty secret (pretty self explanatory, a dirty secret of theirs) ♡

Katsuki has jerked off to a picture of you, before he took you. Not something he’s super proud of but he doesn’t really care anymore. He’s also stolen your panties before.

E = Experience (how experienced are they? do they know what they’re doing?) ♡

Despite pretending like he knows what he’s doing, he’s a total virgin. It’s hard to tell because he acts so cocky and, because he’s watched you masturbate, he’s very good at making you cum. Sometimes he clearly doesn’t know what he’s doing but he won’t admit it.

F = Favorite position (this goes without saying) ♡

Although Katsuki is a bit more of an ass/thigh man, the does like seeing your face and your chest. So most of the time you’re facing him. He does like when you ride him but he likes to control the pace and move your hips for you.

G = Goofy (are they more serious in the moment? are they humorous? etc.) ♡

Katsuki isn’t goofy outside of sex. So what makes you think he will during sex?

H = Hair (how well groomed are they? does the carpet match the drapes? etc.) ♡

Katsuki, despite putting up a bad-boy persona, is a very neat person. That includes his personal hygiene. So his hair down there is very neat and trimmed.

I = Intimacy (how are they during the moment? the romantic aspect) ♡

Katsuki does like holding you close and depending on his mood he’ll be super intimate. Sometimes after hard days of hero work he’ll be less intimate but hats not saying much because he’s still more intimate than most.

J = Jack off (masturbation headcanon) ♡

Katsuki mostly masturbates to relieve stress and not to pleasure himself. Sometimes before he took you he does when he super stressed and pretends you’re with him. He doesn’t masturbate often, especially not after he took you.

K = Kink (one or more of their kinks) ♡

Katsuki is a fairly vanilla person. But he does love being dominant over you. He likes dom/sub dynamics inside and out of the bedroom. Katsuki also loves ‘marking’ this includes, biting and hickeys. All over your body. Don’t worry, he knows sometimes it hurts but he makes sure to gently kiss every bite mark.

L = Location (favorite places to do the do) ♡

Katsuki hates the idea of people seeing you (even though you’re trapped in his house) so you will always fuck in the bedroom. Windows shut as well as blinds and curtains. He doesn’t care if people hear you, though. He kind of likes the idea of people hearing how good he makes you feel and being jealous of him.

M = Motivation (what turns them on, gets them going) ♡

Katsuki loves seeing you in his shirts (preferably with no bottoms on) he loves how baggy they are on you, your soft ass and thighs peeking out. He will make you wear his shirt around the house. If you get cold, you can cuddle with him... or more.

N = No (something they wouldn’t do, turn offs) ♡

Once again, Katsuki can not deal with other people seeing you. Therefore he can not share you, maybe if it was with another yandere he could get along with.

O = Oral (preference in giving or receiving, skill, etc.) ♡

Katsuki likes giving more than receiving, mostly because he likes showing off in front of you. You’re eyes will probably get watery at the hard bites on your inner thighs but you’ll quickly forget about that when he actually begins eating you out. He does also like getting blowjobs though. Although they are rough, so be aware.

P = Pace (are they fast and rough? slow and sensual? etc.) ♡

Depending on Katsuki’s mood his thrusts are either, slow and hard or fast and hard. If he’s going to fast or thrusting to hard, let him know or tap him on the shoulder and he’ll stop or go slower. He wants you to feel good as well.

Q = Quickie (their opinions on quickies, how often, etc.) ♡

Katsuki really likes seeing you fucked-out-of-your-mind (aka he’s really trying to prove himself to you) as well as he has a thing for overstimulation. And Katsuki has an incredible amount of stamina so quickies are a no-go

R = Risk (are they game to experiment? do they take risks? etc.) ♡

No.

S = Stamina (how many rounds can they go for? how long do they last?) ♡

This man has an incredible amount of stamina. He can last so many rounds. If you’re someone who’s very sensitive and can’t handle it, he might stop. But he just really wants you to feel good and see how much he loves you. So he’ll continue and just kiss and/or lick your tears away.

T = Toys (do they own toys? do they use them? on a partner or themselves?) ♡

No. He’s the only one/thing to make you feel good. So, no.

U = Unfair (how much they like to tease) ♡

Katsuki does love to tease a fair bit. Sometimes his teasing sounds mean but that’s not his intentions. He unintentionally infantilizes you. If he’s being to mean with his teasing, let him know and he’ll stop and comfort you.

V = Volume (how loud they are, what sounds they make, etc.) ♡

Katsuki is very loud. Lots of groans, grunts, sometimes chocked sobs. Definitely groans in your ear, it makes you shiver when he grunts praises towards you.

W = Wild card (a random headcanon for the character) ♡

Katsuki is a panty stealer as well as a panty sniffer.

X = X-ray (let’s see what’s going on under those clothes) ♡

Have you seen this man? He’s obviously larger than average in the nether regions. He’s also incredibly muscular, so run your hands down his abs.

Y = Yearning (how high is their sex drive?) ♡

Katsuki has a very high sex drive but sometimes he just jerks off instead, you need a break every once and a while.

Z = Zzz (how quickly they fall asleep afterwards) ♡

Katsuki always waits until you’re ‘asleep’ (sometimes you’re not, you’re just pretending). After you’re asleep that’s usually when he’s the softest. Leaving kisses on your sleeping face and playing with your hair. He usually falls asleep holding you against his chest.

[midorree]

How (I Think) Quirk-based Discrimination Works In BNHA

I've seen a lot of claims about how people interpret the quirk-based discrimination from an ableism allegory (not quite) to actually comparing it to Jim Crow laws, which is completely out of pocket. Quirk based discrimination in BNHA is very unique, especially with quirks not existing for very long in the grand scheme of things. Trying to compare it to existing forms of discrimination (that, mind you, exist in the fucking show) is simply put, not accurate in the slightest. Racism has existed for long enough for it to be embedded into our everyday lives and systems. Ableism has existed long enough that it affects how we view disabled people as people and how doctors view their disabled patients. Quirk-based discrimination has not.

PART 1: Comparing and Contrasting: Ableism

I've had this conversation a couple times with my friends, and typically we find that ableism doesn't match up with qbd. First and foremost, let's define a disability.

[Image ID: disability: a physical or mental condition that limits a person's movements, senses, or activities. A disadvantage or a handicap, especially one imposed or recognized by the law. End Image ID]

Quirkless people do not meet this standard definition unless they are already disabled. Being quirkless does not limit movements, senses, or activities in any way shape or form. Being quirkless is not a hindrance in every day life when it comes to these specific criteria.

But why would people thing that being quirkless is the same as being disabled? Let's take a look at accommodations and accessibility.

In the BNHA universe, quirks have existed for long enough that people with mutation quirks that alter their body significantly can comfortably buy clothes as seen with Shoji in some occasions.

[Image ID: Shoji is wearing baggy, patterned pants tucked into laced boots and is wearing a tank top. End ID]

He is able to buy shirts with bigger sleeve holes rather than having to fix his clothing so that he may be able to wear it himself. This is also seen with UA making a uniform so that he can fit without him having to work excessively for it.

[Image ID: Shoji wearing UA uniform. The uniform has no sleeves. End ID]

Why does this matter? Because Shoji is a perfect example of how small accommodations for people mutation quirks exists idly in the BNHA universe. Everyone has a different quirk and require different accommodations, and with Quirkless people, when it comes to buying clothes, or walking up steps, or going comfortably to a restaurant it's never a problem! Assuming they are able-bodied/neurotypical, they truly won't have a problem with getting by in day to day life.

However, there is one thing I will say is similar to ableism in this aspect: how doctors would treat quirkless people. With the opening episodes/chapters of BNHA we see firsthand how a doctor treats a child who is quirkless. Uncaring, cold, and straight to the point as to let them down as hard as they can saying "you might as well get used to it." The doctor had little to no belief that Izuku would become a hero, saying that he should pursue other careers instead. It's not a perfect match up, but I'd say in my personal experience it's pretty similar.

PART 2: Racism in BNHA

I'm not going to dwell long on this one because it's frankly very tone deaf and not very thought out to be comparing qbd to actual racism.

[Image ID: White text on a black background that states: What was worse, he would now be forces to keep his family from visiting or even living in America. It was never talked about openly, but the way quirkless were treated in the States came very close to how they handled different races with the Jim Crow laws of the past. He would never subject his Izuku to that kind of hatred. End Image ID]

There's a lot to unpack here, but let me preface this by saying this: qbd and centuries upon centuries of racial discrimination are not the same thing, especially considering racism exists in the show/manga itself. Big Yikes.

Let's start by defining what Jim Crow laws were.

[Image ID: Jim Crow laws were a collection of state and local statutes that legalized racial segregation. Named after a Black minstrel show character, the laws—which existed for about 100 years from the post-Civil War era until 1968—were meant to marginalize African Americans by denying them the right to vote, hold jobs, get an education or other opportunities. Those who attempted to defy Jim Crow laws often faces arrest, fines, jail sentences, violence and death. End Image ID]

So lets make a hypothetical and say quirkless people were treated like this. Okay, what would be an identifying factor in discrimination? Would quirkless people have to tell employers their quirk status? Possibly. Would the right to vote be revoked? Due to what? Would they be held back in educational places? Why would they be?

There are too many unanswered questions as to why these things would happen. The Jim Crow laws happened due to white entitlement after the enslavement of an entire race. Qbd happens because of inherent power dynamics (which I will get into later), and while racial discrimination has that factor, it has existed way longer and is more prevalent in society. What if a quirkless person was a quirkless person of color? Think on that.

There are also heroes of color that exist in the show, and racist caricatures of people of color.

[Image ID: Pro Hero: Native with a shocked expression and some sweat dripping down his face. End Image ID]

This fucker right here.

The BNHA universe has existing racism in and out of canon, seeing as the black/brown characters are underrated outside of the show, and microaggressed within the show.

PART 3: Kacchan vs Deku 3: How Did Deku Being Quirkless Affect Their Relationship And Why?

The line "not all men are created equal" really stuck with me while writing and thinking about this meta. Deku has understood and worked through social dynamics and understandings since he was four years old. He's understood that since he's quirkless, people with quirks hold power over him that he can't defend himself against. He understands this, and chooses to roll with the punches.

Bakugou also very much understands how social dynamics work, and chooses to use it to his advantage. He bullies Deku as a boast of power rather than a boast of privileged. It's been drilled into young Katsuki's head that quirkless people are weak, and that he is strong, His teachers are seen encouraging this behavior and the adults around him tend to not view him as a person, but as an existing beam of potential. Propaganda probably exists even in his Sunday cartoons. The strongest people he looks up to all have quirks, and he makes that correlation of quirk = strong at a very young age. He learns that quirkless ≠ strong. A part of me feels like this is intentional.

Izuku being quirkless would put him at the bottom of the food chain, in a sense, and anyone who had a quirk would be listened to more than he ever would. Izuku learned that not all men are equal because of the inherent power dynamics that come with having the ability to fly, or create explosions, or use fucking fire and ice on command, because he realizes he will never be stronger than Kacchan (at least for now). Even Izuku's idols who he considered to be strong and amazing and admirable were people with quirks. People with power over him.

When Izuku got OFA, the playing field shifted, and Katsuki was afraid and confused. Just because Izuku got a quirk, that doesn't mean Katsuki's view on quirkless people changed. We don't know if it did because its never addressed. He has made significant character development and is working to atone with Deku, but would that still happen if Deku had stayed quirkless? We don't know.

PART 4: Conclusion

The BNHA fandom has a lot of views on how qbd might work, but these are just my thoughts. These are all my opinions and if you'd like to add something feel free to! I just hate the fact that qbd is being compared to actual racism when that just doesn't apply and wanted to weigh in my two cents. Qbd, in my opinion, is all about power dynamics and how easily that can be abused.