#Because idk I think Spikes are kind of their own?? Thing???

[emile-hides]

Again, I don’t know what’s happening in my brain, but I’m sorting all the Koopas by Shell Type (both canon and headcanon for diversity sake) and I’ve decided these guys are all part of the same genus

[nyxthejinx]

Answering to this desperate cry for help

Maaan this was so much fun fr, i hope I made these bad boys justice. Also, didn't know what kind of format I should be using and especially how to repost the original thing, since copying and pasting on the reblog would be absolute hell rip

𝐓𝐖: people biting each other but in an affectionate way, idk lemme know if there's more

𝐅𝐭.: Dottore, Xiao, Childe - GN!Reader

𝐖𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 1.1k (in total)

𝐋𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐭𝐨: 3rd Made in Abyss soundtrack - Kevin Penkin (yes, it's that good, no comment)

𝐃𝐨𝐭𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐞

OHOO he's gonna be so intrigued by this weird habit of yours.

We all know he's not big on social interactions and all -he barely values human life- but when you came into the picture he felt invested in someone for the first time. Hence he observes... Normal people, to learn the basics.

He's smart, a quick learner. Will understand in no time your likes and dislikes, but one day you?? Bite him? Chomp like a feral newborn kitten? Oh, his scholar personality spikes through the roof.

Dottore's never seen anyone bite their partner like you do, it confuses him at first, although he won't say anything and just chuckle. He'd rather observe you and come to his own conclusions before asking.

Was it a one time thing? When, how and where do you like to do it? Is there a deeper meaning, a show of intimacy? Need for attention? Affection?

Yeah he'll treat it like a maths equation, that's how he is.

Some days you'd see him without his mask, leaning particularly close to your face. Other times he'd set his gloves aside and let his digits linger on your cheeks and jaw for every little thing. (He knows he’s difficult to bite because of his clothes)

"Oh Dear, look at your lips, they're chapped/full of crumbs/smeared with any other kind of food/every single excuse he can come up with."

It takes you a bit longer than you would've wanted, but you realise his true intentions eventually. If you feel smug you can just chomp on him randomly and see him lose his mind (he thought he'd figured everything out rip dottore.exe).

I advise against it though, he'd repay the torture tenfold. (aka not cuddle with you even if you ask nicely).

Overall, Dottore finds this habit of yours cute. You're a nice little, innocent thing in his eyes and that just adds to your charm.

Yeah you can be a 1.90m tall menace of a person and he'd still tease you, an arrogant, mean jerk >:(

After some time he starts biting you back (ouch shark teeth), not in a painful way ofc. He's so casual with it, most likely to strike when you least expect it just to see your surprised and/or flustered face.

Or to have you chomping in return, even ;)

I'd say 7.5/10, good chomping partner but will "fight" back.

𝐗𝐢𝐚𝐨

My guy, poor guy.

He's another social inept, we all know why.

He started to learn about human customs after meeting you, and you've helped him out a lot, but he's still so stiff.

He probably gets a heart attack every time you give him a surprise hug. The day you chomp on him his soul leaves his body.

It's not that he's a scaredy cat, physical touch just overwhelms his senses if he's not prepared :((

Asks you to tell him beforehand next time.

But aside from that he doesn't seem to mind. He finds every human custom weird in a way, this one is no exception, and eventually it becomes routine yeah?

I think he's a perfect subject for chomping, with all the exposed skin he has. I mean, look at his shoulders! The urge to sneak up from behind and just CHOMP.

He's got muscles for days too, won't shatter your teeth on his bones. AND HIS CHEEKS- his baby cheeks, they look so soft how can you not bite those.

But yeah, just give him some time and he'll get used to this.

Xiao's not stupid either, he notices right away that you're the only human partaking in this activity, or in public at least. Lowkey feels happy and proud to have you as a partner, you're so special and unique :( <33

At some point he'll want to try it out as well, but he's sooo shy about it and a bit scared he'll hurt you. You gotta make him confess with bone crushing hugs.

When he eventually chomps back he's UGHH so soft with it. For Xiao it's more about the meaning and the bonding experience than the chomp itself.

9/10 if you're fine with doing all the chomping. 8/10 if you want chomps back, but definetly recommended.

𝐂𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐝𝐞

Run. RUN. RUN FOR YOUR CHEEKS' LIFE.

He is THE chomping menace.

Let me tell ya, you're putting your life on the line. It's like a declaration of war and he will not hesitate to respond with all he's got.

We know for a fact that he's always up for a challenge. If you're crazy enough to engage and bite him first, well I hope you have a survival plan for the rest of your life cus he won't stop.

It can and will escalate in a "fight" if you're in a private space (you know the tickle fights where you become a mess of tangled limbs? That.) If you try that in public though? He's gonna look at you like a damn predator.

He'll eat your cheeks once you get home, good luck.

His bites are rough-ish too, unfortunately for you. He’d never hurt you on purpose, and is always careful with his strength, but in the heat of battle he’ll forget; 7 times out of 10 you leave the field with a 32 teeth bite mark. 

I think he is more of a cheek guy than anything. They're always available and easy to reach, regardless of your height, and it's also so intimate because who else touches your face? No one, aside from him.

He's the chosen one.

And don't think it will stop at the first time, no no. You've unlocked a new hobby for him. He'll put so much effort in it, it's terrifying.

If you act surprised or flustered well, bonus points in his opinion. Your face is just priceless and will make a habit to make you react that way.

At that point you either fight back or succumb. His soft spots are his stomach (duh, nibble on the exposed skin when he's in his work clothes, I bet he's ticklish), his nape, collarbones and overall the base of his neck.

The rest of his body is still a good chomping surface, but his instincts kick in and his muscles go taut, it's like biting a rock and has no effect on him.

Childe will definitely give you a hard time. It's up to you to take advantage of the right moment and give him a good revenge chomp.

Honestly, he's my fave ever but I'll give him a 5/10 just because of that. Can't even bite the man in peace anymore 🙄

DON'T copy/repost my work. REBLOG instead! ©nyxthejinx

[poryphoria]

see madcom has genuinely got to be one of my favorite ways a story, or fictional world, has ever been told. krinkels has fucking MASTERED the art of environmental storytelling- i think my favorite example is Mag Agent Torture, a character who could easily just be a big baddie for Hank to fight, but bears some pretty grim implications about their own past & existence if you're really paying attention. it goes like

•they have weird spikes stuck in their head and a cool name

•oh, wait. those spikes kind of look like the ones auditor uses to punish dissenters, seen in the background of several episodes, don't they?

•then the torture focused Incident reveals in their internal monologue that "their disharmony is my pain", implying in some way that torture carries the burden of suffering for the entire agency

•oh. dissenter spikes and that knowledge in mind, and the name Torture. did something happen to this guy. Were they always like that? is auditor punishing them in some way?

like, idk. krinkels is just very good at knowing exactly what to elaborate on and what to leave nebulous- giving hofnarr & jeb proper backstories & explanations for how they got that way in mpn doesn't really end up removing any character agency or weight of the mystery behind their actions, it just characterizes them more thoroughly & makes them more compelling overall. meanwhile refusing to elaborate in a clear cut way on whatever the fuck is going on with Hank keeps them a nebulously terrifying force, just as they're perceived in-universe- i think if we ever did get a straight answer for why Hank is the way they are without it being vital info for the conclusion of the series, it'd just kind of fall flat and kill the wiggle room your mind has for working with them

some things in worldbuilding are more fun and interesting when they have more thorough explanations, and some of them aren't. it very heavily relies on the context and level of plot relevance of the information itself- you can't just spoonfeed everything to the audience, they have to be able to make their own takeaways of course! but you can drip-feed them in small enough increments about inconsequential enough things that it still ultimately gives them a rich and fascinating array of information to work with.

idk. madcom the animated series is primarily very good at this bc of it's lack of dialogue, but mpn dodged a HUGE bullet in destroying this method with the way the story is framed- ultimately it ends up being exactly like a very long, playable version of one of the animated "incidents", because of how inconsequential it ends up being to the main story. it gives us MASSIVE insight into how the world works and what goes on in the background of it, but is far enough removed from the main plot that we don't end up sitting through the characters literally just grabbing us by the shoulders and spoiling the entire mystery of the series through soliloquy.

i think it's cool!!! i think it's really fucking cool and really masterfully done!!! and its one of the many many reasons i adore this series as much as i do. Muah

[bestbouy]

i think i just love the idea of the different universes with their like, styles???

like how Gwen's is totally watercolor and Hobie's is all scrapbookish punk n newspaper, y'know???? and, of course, Miles and Pavitr's are both more "normal" but they still have that... you know... v i b e... they're both normal but they have elements that make it their own. Like how Pavitr's universe is mainly super warm colors?

anyways this got me thinking y'know how it's super obvious Hobie has a different universe style?? not so much for Gwen because hers is a little different, but with the whole. changing skin, the OUTLINE, it's very obvious

I think it'd be super cool if in Hobie's universe, it's kind of like the opposite for anybody who's not from it? They have their own like, radius of... their own dimension???

I'm only comparing this to Hobie's dimension, it's very obvious none of this would happen in CANON so I'm literally just spitballing. Also because Hobie is the only one with the outline and funny overlay thing, and it'd be fun to play around with the other three's possible like,,, vibe!!

Gwen would leave like, imprints of watercolor? like dabbing it on a piece of paper, leaving color that dries out back to normal over time?? it would bleed into the world around her, it might even mimic her emotions with the color!

If she was upset it would be harsh, spread more, it would come out in spiked reds and blacks?

happy would seep in a lot more subtly, and cover a lot more space, but you wouldn't realize how much room it's taking up just because it's so slow to take it up and really is only at about.. idk, 20% opacity, slowly builds up the happier she gets? it would be more visible in puddles, just like with normal watercolor (Compared to anger, which would be very in-your-face and obvious)

It would rely a lot on her emotions, methinks, the stronger they are, the more visible the color!

Miles would have a sketchy, drawing-like atmosphere to him, kind of like what you can see on the spot y'know? and, since the spot came from Miles' dimension, I think it makes sense!

It would be less noticeable, but the things he interacts with would probably turn into a slightly stylized version of itself? A cup he holds or drinks from wouldn't change DRAMATICALLY, but it might copy his look and have sketch-like lines around it. Nothing huge, but enough that you can tell what he's touched in the past few minutes/hours

Pavitr would have a similar vibe to Gwen's, but with warm colors instead! His effect wouldn't change with emotions like hers, but it would probably bleed in the same way as hers. He would leave behind trails of warm oranges and yellows wherever he goes and leaving it behind on what he touches. He wouldn't notice this, but it would be veeery obvious to Hobie or anybody from his dimension.

Actually, I think the way that we can spot Hobie because of his differences in outline/radius effect would highly apply to them in his dimension! Everybody in Hobie's world can CLEARLY tell that Gwen, Miles and Pav aren't from there, and while the common person might not recognize they're from another universe, they might get the same feeling as if you were seeing like.. a skinwalker, or something. They're human, but it doesn't feel like it.

ANYWAYS back to Pavitr

He has a warm, cozy vibe, I think unlike the others his can seep more into emotions, I think he's an empathetic person and that melts into his little area effect. if he's super happy or excited about something the people around him get a tiny bit happier too!! when he's sad (and it's rly hard to make him sad bc this boy is POSITIVE THINKER #1) his colors get a bit colder, but I don't think they would affect other people like his happy ones do, honestly just SEEING such a normally happy guy so sad would do enough to ur mood than some radius effect lol

ANYWAYS that's just a lil thought. they are silly. and this is going into my ideas folder. have a good one n remember to drink water

(I would go on but this is super long already XD)

[midnight-mismanagement]

I’ve been thinking about That Church SceneTM and idk I think what hit me hardest was how Spike is talking about his former pre-soul mindset and how naive it is. He says “and she shall look on him with forgiveness and love and everyone will forgive and love and he will be loved” because while pre-soul he knew he was a monster and he knew he had done horrible things, he was okay with those things, he was a vampire after all, but he felt horrible for what he did to Buffy, but even then he still had a bit of hope. From the outside looking in, Angel’s soul seemed like the “button” for the “be good” switch. It would be the “piece that would make [him] fit” so he would be the “kind of man who would never [hurt her].” The “be a man not a monster” switch, that would make him be able to tell right from wrong and never hurt the people he loves anymore. But...the soul is not a “be good” switch. I don’t really know what the soul exactly is, since it’s never really concrete in the lore, but it doesn’t just make him fit, it doesn’t turn him into what he wants, but what it does do, is make him much more aware of himself and what he’s done, and he comes to the realization that no, there is no forgiveness. There never will be, he will never be worthy of it. He is condemned. He says “it’s okay now, right?” with hopeful despondency because he knows it will never be okay. Spike has always wanted acceptance, and love, and he sought it from places he would never get it, and now he knows he will never get it because he shouldn’t.

So when he goes up in flames by the end in heroic sacrifice and all that jazz, he’s happy he even got to have an ending like this, he’s finally doing something right. And when he comes back in Angel, as a ghost with no ability to affect the world around him (except annoy the crap out of Angel) he feels he is on borrowed time. In the moment of burning up, he didn’t have to think about if he would end up in hell or the aftermath, but with Pavayne toying with him, tugging him in to hell, it’s a slow torture of what he’s known all along, even if he didn’t fully want to face it. He is still condemned. And yet, given what he believes to be the one opportunity to stave off the inevitable for however longer and get a body, he still chooses Fred’s life over his own. And Fred tells him “you’re someone worth saving.” She doesn’t condemn him. She believes in him, like Buffy did, and this time it’s someone he doesn’t have a rocky past with or romantic feelings with, she just sees him for him and wants to help. And in the end he gets a body while she loses hers, and it’s because Angel and Spike did the “right” thing because it’s what Fred would’ve wanted. I think soulless him would’ve saved Fred, even if it meant condemning so many others. 

And on the day he thinks will once again be his last before the big suicide mission showdown (which he was the first to volunteer for), he doesn’t call Buffy to give her the pain of finding he’s alive only to die again, instead he goes to a bar and reads his poetry, the window into his shameful, soft soul that was stamped on and laughed at the last time he was a human, and hopes for acceptance. And he gets it.

[reallyintoscience]

Novel Solutions to Ordinary Problems 1/?

He's a top guy, Gadling. Always keeps the good stuff aside for him, never refuses a friend in need. And man, is Matthew in need today. He loves the boss, he really does. Honestly. Loves him. Like he'd never thought you could possibly love someone who was your boss. But he is a lot, and some days Matthew will take what restoratives he can get. Being a magic raven with no thumbs, that pretty much limits him to Gadling's sympathy booze. Which is not nothing. But. 

"What I wouldn't give," he says, and he may be a few drinks down already, it's possible, "for a really good blowjob right now." 

Gadling chokes. Which, fair. 

"I'm not asking, man, don't worry about it, not even sure how birds work that way and to be honest I don't think I want to find out. And you're really not my type, no offence, I'm just, Kinsey Scale zero. Maybe a one. I'd do Prince, maybe." Matthew pauses to contemplate, wonders if he can shapeshift in the Dreaming. He should ask Loosh. It'd be nice to get laid again. 

Gadling's still wheezing. Matthew remembers the point he was trying to make. "You know. Like, you come home from work and you're just beat, and it's been one of those fuckin' days, but your girl gives you a Bad Day Blowjob and everything's just not so bad anymore." 

Gadling mouths 'bad day blowjob' silently, frowns and clearly decides not to ask. Well, maybe the medieval times didn't have that. Poor guy. 

"Yeah. So everything seems better, you know? You're a bit more relaxed, you got the big sex-chemicals high, you got to see your hot girl being hot and just lettin' you be lazy about it - it's my turn on her bad days too, you know, I'm not an asshole - and most importantly you got your dick sucked. I miss it, that's all."

Gadling makes a faintly commiserating noise. Maybe he's still recovering from the choking. 

"Yeah," Matthew says. "Boss could use a bad day blowjob. Improve his mood no end. Endlessly. Ha." Matthew giggles to himself. He might be on the way to drunk. 

"Mmm," Gadling says, looking at his drink like he's wondering if it was spiked. "I've always thought so."

"Yeah!" Matthew says again. "That guy has been through it, you know? He needs a Bad Century Blowjob. Poor guy. Poor us, too, because he is pissy today. Not that I don't get it! Shit's fucked! But still. He'd feel better if he got his dicked sucked. If he has a dick? Pretty sure he does."

"Yeah..." Gadling says, apparently lost in his own thoughts about getting a good cocksucking. He's a bit glazed in the eyes. "Be nice."

"And! Not like it should be hard to find someone, he's scary and he's kind of a dick, okay, but he's really sweet under it and he's not so bad to look at. If you like the whole prince of darkness thing. Plenty of people do!"

"Shouldn't be hard at all," Gadling agrees, tracing patterns on his whisky glass. 

Wait... Is he... looking wistful? 

"Holy shit! Holy shit, dude! You! You want to suck his dick!"

Gadling buries his face in his hands. "Since the day I met him," he confesses, muffled. 

____

Will there be more? idk but semester is over soon so maybe my brain's coming back?

[grandmother-goblin]

And another thing I kinda miss about Early Access Wyll was one of his implied flaws: his drinking (potentially alcoholism).

There were two scenes in Early Access that kinda pointed out that Wyll might have had a bit of a problem (one of them might still be available in some form, but I haven’t seen it in a while so I’m not sure). Or, at the very least, turned to alcohol when things piled up.

1. The Wyvern Whiskey scene: I LOVED this scene! It was the first time the player got to see Wyll’s Blade of Frontiers mask really crack. Just him, sitting on the ground, drinking really strong booze straight from the bottle. I want to say this scene occurred after either dealing with Fezzrak or Spike, but I can’t remember.

2. The tiefling party: if Tav turns him down romantically, he tells them to go have fun and that he’s got a “tankard keeping him company” (I think there is still some version of this in the game?). Which, on its own, the dialogue doesn’t seem like much, but in combination with the Wyvern Whiskey scene, I was kinda like “uhhhh Wyll? You okay?”

Then, of course, with his idle camp animation where he always had a drink in his hand, it made it kind of easy to assume he might have a little problem.

Idk, I found that part of his character really interesting (maybe because I related to it due to my own experiences) and some part of my brain is still like “yep, when Wyll gets stressed, he goes for the booze”.

Anyways, I loved that Wyll had a really strong, obvious, flaw like that and part of me kind of misses it. I love Full Release Wyll, don’t get me wrong, but I remember the Wyvern Whiskey scene being one of the first things that really made my brain start rotating him around in my head lol.

(This is totally not serious rambling. Ignore meeeeee)

[weebsinstash]

So, hear me out, but; what if y/n was totally aware that Miguel is into them? It's flattering, having this huge, incredibly dangerous man that's really obviously weak in the knees when you give him doe eyes, or lean over him and press your chest up against his back to point at something on his screen. You never treat it seriously, always flitting in and out of Nueva York and in and out of Miguel's reach. Teasing, flirting, but never going further than that, simply enjoying the attention and warm fuzzies that come with making a man break the mug he's holding because you stretched and your shirt rode up enough to expose your belly.

And it's not like he's gonna do anything bad! It's just flirting, and he's a fellow Spiderperson! You're all good people here... Right?

This is kind of different but similar but, I find myself drawn to Reader inserts/characters that like, maybe if they don't hate themselves, are like inherently incapable of even considering that someone might like them romantically, like you're not constant gloom and doom but you find the concept of someone loving you romantically outright wacky crazy

Miguel throws a lil tiny experimental flirt towards Reader to test the waters, and Reader flirts right back because they think he's JOKING. Miguel takes that as a sign and starts giving you more compliments and little flirtatious remarks and you just think this is like, platonic teasing, that he's ribbing you, you think Its Like A Friend Thing Like A Gimmick, and it takes him a while to notice you have absolutely no idea he's being 2099% serious when he makes those corny comments about how he gets lost in your eyes, saying shit like he's the hunky male lead from a telenovela or something

Combine this with the alternative dangerously risky concept of "Reader who jokingly says foul/raunchy shit" which is also a Val/Reader concept I've had. But like. Idk. Miguel sees you slurping a soda or sweet drink or idk even smoking and he jokes like "wow those are some lungs" and without blinkijg before you can even consider the consequences you hit him with "yeah I can suck dick like this too" and he chokes on his own food in shock, red as a tomato. Or Reader jokingly slaps his butt like some real football locker room go team shit or maybe you're teasing him and telling him he's "fat" and he has to excuse himself while the skin is still stinging because, oh my GOD did you just give him the biggest hard-on and it's about to EXPLODE--

Just accidentally making him totally crazy about you because you're literally too doubtful of him potentially having feelings for you or being interested in you in any capacity besides platonically that you accidentally act your unhindered full charisma self. You're too doubtful of him loving you to be self conscious and embarrassed of anything you say or do and think he just sees you as like, a sibling. Someday you'll learn to regret all those times you jokingly kissed him on the cheek because you thought it would gross him out or the time you got too drunk on spiked eggnog at the Christmas party and kissed him right on the mouth, but like, almost as you would a brother or a cat, as you coo how handsome he is, hes such a pretty boy, and "why hasn't he found himself a wife yet-- wait shit I am so sorryyyyyyyy i forgot 😥" because. You know. poor guy. But also. Gotta love the dilf factor

Ughhhhhh there really are a lot of us feeling the "baby trapping" energy from this man. Miguel who pokes holes in condoms because the second you get pregnant "oh, in that case well, I'll take responsibility and marry you and we can raise the baby :)" which I mean, considering his losses that's its own significant undertaking for him, that entire process and line of thinking is some sort of combination "healing" while getting ten times worse. Not to say he doesn't adore you or the thought of having kids with you, just... he might not be considering the most noble of methods anymore, for anything really. Getting drinks with you and biding his time until the alcohol slowly loosens you up and he gets you alone and you're too tipsy and sex hungry to stop and realize he isn't using protection until he's, you know, finishing inside of you. He'll use a drunken one night stand to try and weasel his way into dating you, if you're not already pregnant from that one night. I mean shit he's just so like large and imposing and just, God, he's hot though, I feel like it would be so hard to not visibly be flustered at the very least, and he'll use any reactions you make as cues for what he can try next. Even just suddenly grabbing your hips or waist or sides and making you suddenly squeak and he can tell by the look on your face that he's totally getting you hot even if maybe you're embarrassed and might not inherently want to act on anything (yet? Imagine wanting that Thick Dilf Dick and being physically attracted to him and respecting him and so you legitimate pursue him if only hust for sex and somehow you Accidentally Unlock The Crazy In Him)

One day you think he's just a harmless coworker, the next day you're finding he's got extensive stalker ass records for you, pictures, videos, just surveillance things, and he's not quite as Charming and Valiant to you anymore. In fact you're just about starting to realize all those comments he made that made you swoon before are now starting to make your skin crawl, but hey, just like you stumbled upon his secret, he stumbles upon you and catches you red handed, and well, he's sorry you found out this way but he was going to confess to you more seriously eventually right? Is THIS enough of a clear signal for you yet?

[genopaint]

Week 16 of the Daily Dragon Challenge is here! Apologies on the delay for posting this... I was lazy. BUT!! We're finally in the 100's!!

As always you can follow me on twitter where they’re posted daily

And read more info on each of them below the cut

Daily Dragon #105 - Garchomp

Figured it'd be the perfect time to draw this fella since I just beat Platinum for the first time yesterday! Sadly I didn't end up getting one on my team but they're SUCH a cool dragon all the same

Daily Dragon #106 - Rex

One of the cutest Mario dragons! There's just something so charming about this little guy

+ 2 variants

While drawing this it really dawned on me how interesting this enemy is. It's one of the many Mario enemies that only appeared in 1 main series entry, but unlike a lot of other similar enemies it just will randomly appear in spinoff content a lot. Not even just as cameos, but like actual tangible enemy appearances. It's been an enemy in 3 games post SMW, 4 if you count the Minecraft Mario thing. That actually puts it over a LOT of random Mario enemies, but it still doesn't appear enough to be a Mario staple enemy. idk just kind of interesting to me lol

Daily Dragon #107 - Shelly Draws

A kobold with a passion (and a horde) for Trading Cards! She loves trying out new ones, and dreams of one day making her very own. Her favorite food are hamburgers.

This is a redesign of an old kobold girl from a Monster Girl design challenge thing I did back in 2016! Sadly I don't remember her name, but I do remember that I gave her a passion for trading cards. Which is more important than a name anyway, so I gave her a new card-pun name

Daily Dragon #108 - Koibito

My friend Sox's super cool Piranha Dragon! This design is super cool and I love Dragon hybrids of any kind! Thank you for letting me include them in this challenge!!

Daily Dragon #109 - Neonagon

Strange 2D creatures that appear on walls in cities. Be careful when using regular weapons on them, because their appearance doesn't make the walls any more malleable!

Another redraw! This was from a prompt request I made in 2020! I think it's a neat concept and it was a simple to do and I kinda didn't have huge drawing energy today lol

Daily Dragon #110 - Field Dragon

These incredibly tiny dragons are just slightly larger than berries. They use their spikes to collect various pieces of food while out and about, as well as breaking open seeds and nuts to eat!

Daily Dragon #111 - Fumedradon

Odd fume spewing dragons that are always found laughing and moving oddly as their nests are filled with the strange smoke the billow out. If you're going to deal with one, wear a gas mask

is... is this the first holiday dragon so far??? of course i ended up only doing that on THIS holiday and not any other.... Also 4/20 landed on day 111 isn't that neat :)

[alemonadestand]

What kind of abilities do you think the jashlings would have as DST characters?

 I HAVE THOUGHT SO MUCH ABOUT THIS THANK YOU SO  SO MUCH FOR ASKING THIS

 So about individual abilities:

Heart would have a big advantage at night, because he’s already mostly blind and wears the blindfold most of the time he’s already used to the dark, so he would lose sanity a bit slower than others and also would have no problem picking up things in the dark. He would have higher health than most characters but it’s compensated by lower sanity. 

Mind,since she has mechanical hands, wouldn't take damage if she picks up a burning/smoldering object. She would have higher sanity than most characters but it’s compensated by lower health.

Soul  has average stats (loser), he's a bit faster than others but only at dusk, there’s also their trident (I’ll get to that in a bit).

I also thought about each of them having their own individual items they can craft 

So Mind’s would be her crown, which would be crafted with rocks, boulders and gold (I was thinking marble too but it’s a bit harder to obtain that the other minerals I mentioned so idk.) It would essentially have as much durability (8 days) and sanity boost as a top hat (so +3.33/min), it would also give her a speed boost during the day but would make her attacks weaker, at dusk and night she would just walk normally. The crown only gives said benefits to Mind, if any other character wears it their sanity would decrease.

Heart would have his blindfold which would be crafted with silk, petals and grass (or reeds) and like Mind’s crown it will increase his sanity (about +2/min)  and have as much durability as the garland (6 days), the difference is he will lose sanity if it’s not being worn during the day, he’s fine without it at night and dusk, he would only lose a bit less sanity than other characters like I mentioned,regardless if he’s wearing the blindfold or not. His blindfold would also make his attacks stronger at night. It only works on Heart too, if any other character wore it they would decrease their sanity.

Soul would have his trident which would be the hardest item to craft out of the 3 since they would need boulders, marble and gold (not super hard to find materials but would probably take a while to obtain enough of all of them), it would be used as a weapon and it would would deal about as much damage as a tentacle spike (so 51 damage per hit.) The advantage of it is that at dusk whatever he attacks with their trident will get Soul’s sanity to increase, if they attack anything with it at night or during the day it will decrease  their sanity. If he manages to get a red gem he can put it in the trident and the attacks would be even stronger, but so would be the sanity aura of it. And like the other two only they (Soul) can use the trident, if any other character tries to pick up the trident it would decrease their sanity significantly (even more than the blindfold or crown). In addition Heart's and Mind’s sanity will decrease if they’re near Soul while he's using the trident.

I also think it would be cool if each of their items could only be crafted at specific times, Heart’s blindfold at night, Mind’s crown during the day and Soul’s trident at dusk.

[hypnotisedfireflies]

hi. I’m obsessed with you 💓 you’re incredible. Just dropping in to remind you.

My birthday is on March 4th and I have a Drabble request/prompt/please ramble on about this idea in the lovely way you do with all them bullet points and angst that’s so romantic.

Tess as a Black Widow. Killer of men. Lures them in… murders them *during*.

Can you imagine?! The one guy she can’t bring herself to kill because they ✨see each other✨ AHHHHHHH

love u bye

You are so unhinged and ilu for this.

No seriously, ilu.  HAPPY BIRTHDAY, my dear friend! I hope you have a wonderful birthday and are spoiled rotten by your beautiful loved ones (and avoid bites, haha). 

I am not organized enough to write anything for this but I can freestyle some ideas so – birthday hats on everybody, streamers and cake:  let’s go with some Killer of Men Widowisms.  Um, proceed with caution I guess, but it’s probably pretty tame.

Okay so who is Tess in this scenario and why is she doing it?  A contract killer or out for her own kicks?  I like the sound of the latter to differentiate from anything else I’ve done.

So let’s go full serial killer with this one.  She’s organised, in control of her desires and travels for work, so she never chooses marks in her own backyard.  She aborts more kills than she follows through with because she’s so meticulous that her marks meet very specific criteria and things can’t be traced back to her.

She likes to drug them before they get started as  physical advantage but changes up the method of actual murder to try and eliminate falling into traceable patterns.

Sometimes she goes years between kills and as a result, when she picks Joel up in a bar she’s feeling particularly itchy.  This guy seems kind of nice.  She might ordinarily let this fish go, nice men don’t deserve messy ends.

But as their time together progresses she starts to get another vibe off him, and thinks maybe he’s not quite so nice as she thought.

So just as she’s about to unhook him she decides to go through with it, even though her instincts are undecided about what is actually going on.

They go back to her motel room, she drugs his drink but she’s still not sure, something’s off.  They get it on and he doesn’t really seem to respond to the effects of the drug she gave him, but she’s so intrigued by being unable to figure him out that she doesn’t pay it the attention she should. 

He’s rougher with her than she’d normally tolerate but she likes it – it’s exciting not really knowing if she’s in control or not, she’s always in control, and this uncertainty really thrills her.

They have ~amazing chemistry ofc

She doesn’t try to kill him when she normally would at point of climax.  She tells herself she’ll give it a few hours and maybe try again.

While Joel’s in the bathroom she examines his drink and the bottle of pills in her bag.  Counts them, she definitely gave it to him but … what’s that?  These pills aren’t hers.  These are not her drugs.

Joel opens the door and he’s like, “You think I didn’t see that comin’ a mile away?”

Tess:  “Did you go through my purse?  Those are my motion sickness pills,” blah blah lie lie.

And Joel tosses the pills on the bed.  “Those are cheatin’, sweetheart.  Where’s the fun if you don’t have to fight for it?”

Serial Killer Tess, meet Serial Killer Joel.

For his part, Joel was preying on her in turn and cottoned on when he caught her spiking his drink, which he then dealt with with some slick sleight of hand and swapped the rest of the pills while she was distracted on a phone call or something (idk)

Joel considered playing along and pretending to be drugged - he thought she was just going to rob him and liked the idea of turning the tables on her at some critical moment (surprise!serial killer, baby!)

But as it went on he realised she had no interest in robbing him, and he started recognising himself in her, and realised what was ACTUALLY her game

And yeah he liked that

Quite a lot

Very much actually thanks

So he let it all evolve but while she was courting the idea of killing him, as was he with her

So when he announced himself she finally got it and she was like, "Who the fuck are you?"

And he's all, "who the fuck are YOU?"

Sick professional meet and greet, each very impressed they've never even heard of each other

But they're successful because nobody knows their secret ... so only one person can leave in the morning, right?

... right?

ILU HAPPY BIRTHDAY. <3

[non-bionical-mecha-dude]

Hello! I saw that your requests were open I think. . . Anywhizzle. I have asked this to a few people already but I wanna see what different people will think and write. Could you write a Rise tmnt x gn yokai reader where the reader is maybe a dragon or some reptile with scales but the readers scales are always itchy? How would the turtles treat that? Also it was my birthday on the 25th and a lot of my friends forgot that. It would be a nice present is all I'm saying. Idk if you did a request just like this or anything already but I'm bored so ima follow you now. Bye for now!

HI! I know it's been like, idk, a year since I did one of these?? I'm sorry, I forgot Tumblr existed! Also, I'm very very sorry that you're friends forgot! And I'm very sorry, but, HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY! Anyway, let's get this started! (I'm gonna assume since you didn't say, Headcannons, I'm sorry if you wanted a one shot. Also, this idea was creative and cool!

ROTTMNT BROS X REPTILE ! READER

❤️❤️Raph❤️❤️

He totally understands

At first when he saw you get super itchy, he thought you were itching cause you were nervous or something, but that ain't the case.

When he later figured out that your scales needed some sort of moisture, he bought like, 10 bottles of different kinds of lotion

Boy didn't want his lover to be all itchy and uncomfortable, but he didn't know what kind/brand was best

Constantly reminds you to moisturize your skin

He drags his fingers along your scales sometimes, which is kinda sooth tbh

Sometimes his skin gets uncomfortable and dry and itchy (since he's a more aquatic type turtle, his skin needs a lot of moisture) he'll borrow some of your lotion

One time you were itchy, and just started rolling on the carpet cause that was the only thing that was helping your itchiness...but Raph almost stepped on you and shrieked before he did

It was kinda funny, but ever since then, he's banned you from any carpet rolling.

Sometimes he boops his beak against your scales, everytime you ask why, he dodges the question

He knows exactly how many scales are on your body (not in like a creepy way, more like a "I find myself gazing at you so often that I've found myself unconsciously counting your scales.)

Would definitely let you use his shell spikes as a back scratcher.

💙💙Leo💙💙

This dude is super confused as to why you keep on violently scratching your scales

At some point, he just kinda starts scratching your back, like, you'll both be sitting on the couch on your phones, and he'll just put his hand on your back and scratches in small circles.

Eventually he learns about your whole skin thing, and he tries to set up a skin care routine for you

(you CANNOT tell me this fruity ass turtle doesn't have a skin care routine)

Man hooks you up with the best lotions and moisturizers

He reads to you each of the French brands of lotion he has, but he isn't pronouncing any of them right

Helps you put on the lotion in hard to reach places, like your back

He finds it excellent bonding time to talk about whatever while you both do your skin routine thing

He likes to tap your scales, feeling the texture of each of them.

You bought yourself a back scratcher and he immediately stole it

"Is that my back scratcher?" "Ok, in my defense, have you EVER, tried to scratch the back of a TURTLE SHELL??? YOU CANT REACH BACK THERE!"

Yeahhh, took you a while to get it back

You had to buy him his own

💜💜Donnie💜💜

He definitely understands

As a soft shell turtle who needs moisture on his shell from time to time, he can understand the uncomfortable-ness it comes with your skin/shell drying out

Has his own special moisturizer he uses for his shell, and most likely won't share

But he will recommend you a lotion to use

Sometimes he'll hold your arm in his hand, examining your scales

DEFINITELY FOR RESEARCH PURPOSES AND DEFINITELY NOT BECAUSE HE LOVES YOUR SCALES, ABSOLUTELY NOT (wink wink)

He has S.H.E.L.L.D.O.N remind you of your moisturizer

One time before he knew about your itchy skin, saw you almost scratch yourself to the bone and was very concerned

He definitely makes you some sort of mechanical back scratcher (that definitely doesn't have a flame thrower build into it, that would be crazy (wink wink))

He asks you a hundred questions when it comes to your scales, like, are they water proof? What kind of tissue/material is it made of and do you have to eat specific foods to get the nutrients to continue to take care of said scales, ECT ECT

He'll find himself sub consciously staring at your scales and denies anything if you catch him

Whenever you start to itch, he sometimes looks away, cause just seeing you itchy makes his shell feel itchy and it is not a good feeling.

🧡🧡Mikey🧡🧡

Is very very worried when he sees you scratch yourself so violently

At first he thinks you've got fleas or lice or something, but when he figures out your scales make you itchy, he totally understands

Dude tries to hook you up with some good lotion (the first time he accidentally almost gave you bacon grease and mistook it for lotion, it was kinda funny)

Sometimes when he's bored, he'll ask to paint on your scales using body paint (if your scales are very irritated)

He makes simple stuff on them, painting sunsets, gradients, sometimes little icons or patterns, whatever keeps him busy and happy

He'll scratch your back for you sometimes, and at first it was ok, until his arm started hurting from scratching you for so long (it was only five minutes) and he had to stop, still, the thought that counts.

Will go Doctor Delicate Touch on you if you refuse to use your lotion/moisturizer for whatever reason

Will run your scales on your arms if it makes you feel better

And sometimes he'll nuzzle his face on them.

He tries to count your scales while you try to count his spots (he gave up lol)

If you say you're itchy, he'll try to distract you by doing something with you, sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn't.

[beardedmrbean]

I understand women can rape men and other women to but we need to stop acting like it’s split even 50/50 because it’s not idk why it’s so bad to say the majority of rapists are men it’s true

There's actually no way to prove that, not in any kind of unbiased way at least.

UK and I believe India and Israel at a minimum define rape as 'forced penetration' or some variation on that making it very difficult to charge a woman with rape because they would need to sodomize their victim.

Woman in those countries can hold a man down, wiggle his bit till biology takes over, mount up and go for a ride and it is not considered rape, from a legal perspective.

So the numbers are impossible to find out, because that sure as hell sounds like rape to me.

For the people that say 'he got hard so he must have wanted it'

1 please pick up a human biology book and hit yourself with it as hard as you possibly can and then open it up and look up the involuntary actions that the body can do, everyone with a penis that made it through their teens knows for a fact that it just does that on its own.

2 iirc there was a whole thing years and years back where the medical and scientific consensus was that a woman couldn't get pregnant without having an orgasm, leaving aside all the 'you wanna bet' cracks they took this to mean that if a woman got pregnant she obviously wasn't raped because she had a orgasm.

So that shit goes both ways.

But ya with all the different biased ways that male victims are tossed aside there's not going to be a way to know which side does it more.

You should have seen how mad the demons got about this one

Good heavens, wonder why that pic is censored before the post is even posted.

From 2017 tho

Wild how when you change a few words the number doubles, obviously not all of the rapists are female, good to see it when that happened anyhow.

Again though, no way to actually accurately confirm or disprove your statement.

I have no idea why it should matter either.

It's like the bargaining stage of grief and it's a terrible way to approach a very real issue.

Yes ok there's some bad women out there too, but the men, they're way worse.....

No neither is better or worse than the other, both women and men are just fine the way they are and throwing gender politics in the mix doesn't do much to help victims.

Let's focus our efforts on rapists regardless of which fiddly bits they have, there's going to be all kinds of different reasons people do it, some people are just plain evil some people take a look at the definition of rape they've been told and think what they did is no big deal because legally it's not rape.

[sincerelylea]

hi hi! i thought your eddie headcanons were super cute, and i really love your writing so i had to request: would you be open to doing headcanons for billy x fem!reader who struggles with anxiety, depression, etc? how would he (or try) to help out? thank you love <3

you got it, love writing billy. also thank you for the compliment :)

tw: depression, anxiety, self harm, panic attacks, mentions of abuse.

family.

oh billy. so complex.

billy himself is perceived as an asshole, because that's what he wants people to see. he does it on purpose; it makes him untouchable.

y'know, if he's mean to everyone, on constant defense, people won't get close. he won't get hurt. so voicing feelings, putting them out there for someone (you) to hear, he isn't really good at it.

he's been on constant defense since he was a kid. i mean, having feelings besides angry ones wasn't really an option. he had to protect himself by being strong. had to stand up for himself because he didn't have anyone to help him.

and the cherry on top of the cake? the only figure to raise him was the one he's getting abused by. so. he's got a lot of issues.

this being said, i will say he understands what you're going through. maybe all too well.

but the way that he was raised has prevented him from identifying these feelings within himself as well. so for him to see them in you, it's a struggle to,,, learn to be nice about it? idk if that makes sense.

it isn't to say he doesn't try. because you being open with him about your struggles with anxiety and depression, opens the doors for those kinds of conversations and i think he would also eventually tell you his baggage. therefore creating a more communicative environment.

i think you'd be trepidatious to tell him. i mean he's hard to talk to in the beginning. things are just now opening up for you two to get serious.

so he wouldn't find out until you're already in the thick of it.

ignoring his calls, shutting yourself in the darkness of your bedroom, refraining from eating because it takes too much energy. he's worried; also pissed because he doesn't know what's going on and you're not talking to him.

he'd come over, the roar of his dumb engine spiking some anxiety in you, worse than it already was because you have a feeling he's gonna bust in like a bat out of hell.

he'd be kind of hostile at first - spurring you into a panic attack. and then he realizes he's pushed too far (he does this a lot)

i will say, the best goddamn thing about billy, is how bracing he is. his hands on your arms, they stabilize you in the blink of an eye. altogether his presence alone is just,, powerful. in that moment. he commands (very gently ofc) your attention. away from the panic, and onto him.

his eyes cut into yours, intense and there. and his voice is strong, you listen to it.

he doesn't want to overwhelm you, but it almost scares him to see you freak out like this so he'll bring you into a tight embrace mostly for his own comfort.

it is nice though. suffocating and soothes your senses.

"i don't care what the fuck i'm doing. you tell me when you feel like this and i'm there, okay?" says it while holding your face in his hands firmly.

the panic attack is a great doorway into conversation about your mental issues though.

you tell him about your depression and anxiety, he hums and listens. but won't tell you his own stuff quite yet.

the type to let you wallow a little bit. he'll lay in bed with you and nap for as long as you want. his only way of getting you out of your funk is to get you in his car to go on a drive or offer a date night to get you out of the house.

lets you play your mixtapes, holds your hand while he drives. buys dinner of course, whatever you want.

"you uh, you like candles right? what about we go get some."

"i don't know how to make chocolate covered strawberries but i know you like them. is this the right chocolate?"

he tries! it's really cute.

pays attention to the things that make you happy.

billy takes up braiding. learning to braid your hair when you're in deep in the depressive cycle to get your hair out of your face and get you feeling fresh.

surprisingly gentle with braiding too.

he has nice hands, knows you like the feeling of them on you. so he'll always be touching you, holding you - whatever you want.

billy is so the boyfriend to get you up on your bathroom counter to take your makeup off.

helps you get up there and puts your makeup remover on a pad and rubs it off - he's good at that too. he focuses really hard when he does it too, takes this job very seriously.

"what moisturizer do you want tonight."

helps you get undressed and dressed.

a shoulder to lean on in those trying times. he takes his role pretty seriously.

"you smell nice." you inhale, holding him on your bed.

"i wore that cologne you like."

on the topic of self harm, if you do it, or tell him. he only talks about it when you bring it up first.

can tell it's sensitive for you.

that's kind of like everything with him though; he doesn't normally ask about things unless you bring it up first. then he'll ask more questions or ponder deeper.

when he tells you about his struggles, his childhood, his dad, all that. it only strengthens your relationship i think.

more trust, more communication, more help with his anger. just more tender moments, softness. vulnerability.

he really is a lot more excellent than you'd expect i think.

overall, with anxiety. he listens, reminds you of what is true and what isn't. not as tender with it as eddie or steve might be, but he tries.

with depression, he remains a faithful presence. slightly encouraging to get you up doing things. will lay around with you, reminds you he is there.

[drawbauchery]

mayro and loogi movie 2023 let’s-a arrive

MOTHERFUCKIN UUHHHHH

MARIO BROS MOVIE THOUGHTS

it’s long, i talk about luigi a lot. and there are spoilers 

THE NOT GREAT STUFF

not enough luigi

where was luigi in the whole like second act where WAS he

idk missed opportunity for some development while he was captured. he could’ve interacted more with the other prisoners. or kamek & bowser. i feel like kamek taunting him about how bowser’s gonna kill the hell out of mario or something would’ve raised the emotional stakes a bit, like instead of sitting there waiting to be rescued luigi could be wanting to rescue mario himself 

he kinda just didn’t have any lines after getting captured, too....gimme something, movie.......he talked back to spike so easily, a little bit of defiance at some point would’ve been neat ;-; 

i saw one brilliant take that was like, bowser should’ve kept luigi around and “consulted” him about who mario is, and they’d both get just the teensiest more development that way, with both airing out their own insecurities. bowser thinking (knowing) he’s not good enough for peach and luigi wanting to be more like the brother he’s always counting on

luigi making clear he wants to be brave for once->more impact when he shields mario at the end

i was hoping for a prison break i’m gonna be real

and don’t get me wrong i LOVE kidnapping stories but i HATE it when the kidnapped isn’t allowed to do anything. wish they’d given luigi more flexibility to at least TRY something instead of essentially throwing him aside, y’know?

idk man just more luigi. 

also, pacing not good. pacing iffy. maybe bad

coming off the heels of the perfect pacing and flawless balancing of an ensemble that was puss in boots, i think moving some stuff around could’ve made room for my boy. they coulda done it.

specifically, the pacing was WAY too fast. i love when movies let emotions really sink in. luigi’s little flashback scene was really nice, more stuff like that pls

did peach ever even tell mario her name i forgot

NOT the bowser musical number i DREAMT of. hilarious af but i wanted A SONG. A BANGER. A 90′s DISNEY VILLAIN BOP

not a fan of the played out peach/bowser forced marriage stuff but it’s mario what are you gonna do

no luigi power-ups what’s up with that

the freaking illumination dog design threw me off so badly i was almost brought out of the mario immersion. i was thinking nothing could be bad enough to make me not excited to be sitting in that theater and then the fucking dog showed up. straight out of secret life of pets. it also should’ve been a scarier big dog. (his nod of approval at the end was good though 100/10)

and look mario’s a cutie pie, a sweetheart, wanna squish his lil cheeks, i loved him being ABSOLUTELY terrified of bowser when they met because who the fuck wouldn’t be, but in the end luigi is still so much more interesting to me 8′D

NO BOWSER JR. CAMEO?????

why the FUCK didn’t bowser and luigi kiss

THE GREAT STUFF

luigi

luigi’s voice

luigi’s pathetic little meeps and yelps and being so squishable

luigi & mario

mario & luigi

THEY WERE SO GODDAMN SWEET AND CUTE AND GOOD

mario tearing through the alleys like a beast and just. instinctively opening gates and leaving pathways for luigi. not in a “hurry up and pull your weight” kind of way, but like. a doting, considerate way that showed he just wanted to make things easier for his brother. i was crying screaming they were just so soft

i did NOT expect to see their family. that’s the kind of grounding, humanizing scene i was hoping for

luigi trying to eat. let him eat

mario playing kid icarus. he’s besties with pit in subspace. pit/mario friendship real

the luma

luigi doing a mic drop with his phone and just going O-O when it breaks

all the poses. all the music cues. all the mario kart. i’m a relatively new fan of mario ok i didn’t grow up with any of the games besides luigi’s mansion--

KING BOO CAMEO BTW AAAAYYYY

--but even i was squealing at all the references. like, all the moves from the games are there. down to the way mario and luigi run. and all the power-ups, and the enemies, it’s ALL THERE

but especially that mario kart scene, that’s one game i play religiously so the part where they’re choosing what their karts look like TICKLED me gdfksld

DIDDY KONG DIDDY KONG DIDDY KONG

yo were mario and donkey kong kinda.....were they like.....*flips hand* y’know.....?

action scenes were all stellar. had no right to go that hard. 

blue shell being a relentless, vicious force of evil

peach power-ups

peach’s wedding dress

peach in general 

toad and his kart of choice

“lu”

“you can’t be scared all the time, luigi” “you’d be surprised”

“my dad thinks i’m a joke too” “well your dad is RIGHT”

a lot of people don’t want mario and peach to ever end up together, and as a rabid hater of zelda/link i COMPLETELY understand and could not be more sympathetic. but i do ship mario and peach so i personally really liked their little flirty moments 

luigi bringin mario some spaghetti 

nice little snippets of characters like bowser and dk having underlying problems. leaves lot open for sequels n spinoffs.........i’m sure that totally wasn’t their intention...........

me: “if mario doesn’t grab bowser by the tail, twirl him around and throw him, then i don’t wanna know about it”

movie: *has mario and luigi do this TOGETHER*

me: “a    h”

bringing the fight to brooklyn had me so excited and i don’t even know why

THE 80′S SONGS HELLO???

bowser’s castle looking like a rave like in the og games

nervous bowser

the 4 hour long sex scene between luigi and bowser was so tastefully done, i was impressed and moved 

memory bad but i WILL probably add MORE

[planetknoxville]

You’re not my dad (Johnny Knoxville x Reader ft Bam)

Under 18 do not interact 

Notes: I've read every bit of Knoxville fanfiction there is so im going to have to write my own. I need this man out of my head, it's becoming a problem. The time its set is kinda around movie 2 or 3 or 4 idk who cares. It's not quite fluff, not quite smut, just a kinda fatherly Johnny because I'm a sick sick individual. I made up a character called jess she a dickhouse chick i guess just made her up cause i hate the Y/N thing lol

Warning: Blood, drinking, swearing, reckless mentally ill behavior, daddy kink if you squint,  etc

Please drink responsibly 

words 2400ish

----------------------------------------------------------------------

“Come on dipshit”

 I looked up to find Bam standing in front of me with a cooler in one hand and both of your skateboards in the other. I knew that cooler wasn't his and would have bet this month’s salary on it containing beers he'd stolen from catering that were meant for after filming had wrapped for today.

“A bit presumptuous that I’d want to hang out with you Brandon”, You said peering over the top of the trash magazine you’d been pretending to read. The day was going very slowly, as only a few people were actually on set and the ones that were here were absorbed in work you wanted absolutely nothing to do with. So, there you were lounging in a camp chair waiting for some dumb stunt that you knew was not happening today.

“Come onnnnn..” he whined, kicking you squarely in the shin.

“You’re a menace to society” you said through gritted teeth. Sighing in resignation you rose from your chair and immediately shoving him as hard as you could. He barely stumbled and looked back at me with disbelief, “ Is that all you’ve got Jess?”

We slipped behind the sea of large blue tents that shielded the expensive camera equipment and crew from the sun. We’d been filming in the paramount lot for two weeks now, there were several air conditioned warehouses but no, the holy trio of Jeff, Spike and Johnny had decided that outside in the boiling Los Angeles heat was far better. You began to think they were really pranking you with melanoma.

Filming was usually fun but there was a lot of waiting around. Get ready and wait, they always say. Bam and I were a lot alike, both liked skating and found it especially hard to do nothing or sit still so naturally, we became fast friends. In the first couple of days of mucking around we had found a few unused (hopefully) planks of wood, a large flat sheet of plywood, some milk crates and other assorted junk which we squirreled away and started building our very own skate park. It was precarious and constantly breaking but that was half the fun. It was tucked away in the corner of the giant concrete lot, our own private death trap. Just few bushes, a metal park bench with a plaque of remembrance for some executive that probably should be forgotten and the two dickheads dumb enough to fuck around and find out.

You both started throwing beers back like it was your job. If we couldn’t do our actual jobs then we had to put our talents to good use. Technically, it was a beautiful day. The sun was shining, birds were chirping away, and sweat was dripping down your face right into your eyes.

“Fucking hell”, you moaned, using your sleeve to mop your brow blinking rapidly as the salt made your vison blurry. “Take off your jacket, Numbnuts,” Bam shouted.

“It's part of the outfit dummy” you did a little turn.

“You look homeless Jess.”

 Unfortunately, it was kind of true. the black and white flannel you were wearing had more holes than you could count, the white crop was dangerously thin close to showing your nipple piercings and you'd patched up the knee of your jeans only last night. You'd done it drunk and after sticking yourself a few too many times declared it done and perfect. But you were afraid if you looked at it too close it would fall apart. The icing on the cake was the white bandana you had been wearing as a shitty ineffective mask to get past the covid police that was still tied around your neck. A plague neckerchief if you will.

"Fine" you slipped it off your shoulders. Bundling it up into a ball, you took aim throwing it at the metal bench but missed, landing it directly in the middle of a bush. “Good one” Bam sneered. You rolled your eyes behind your sunglasses, aware that he probably couldn't even see it, so you flipped him off to drive the point home.  

You heard the general chatter from inside the tent grow louder and the both of you froze, looking at each other in mild panic. It wasn’t necessarily a secret what you’d been doing, people generally knew where to find us but you weren’t super keen on having soul sucking executives know about the giant liability that the two of you had created (outside of the carefully planned stunts).

 “Shit” we both scrambled to throw our discarded beer bottles behind our friend The Bush.

Two men started walking around the tarps and into our janky club house. As they got closer, you both audibly relaxed. It was Spike and Johnny. “Calm down guys we’re not here to break up the party” Spike still looked annoyed “it’s not like we can go ahead anyway today”

Johnny touched him on the shoulder and said “bring the camera back here, one of these idiots is bound to eat shit" he looked over his stupid aviators at me, winking. “I’ll bet $100 it will be you Doll”.

My cheeks started to grow hot and not from the beer. How did he always know what to say, it took all your self-control not to turn and stare. Like most women alive you found him irresistible, but you were dealing with it by pretending he didn’t exist. The men continue to stand in the cool shade, chatting but also watching. You hated that. Please fuck off Knoxville let me look like shit in peace, you thought bitterly

We began skating again, trying to stick the landing of a ramp we'd built only the day before. You’d even “borrowed” the props department's power drill because Bam was moaning about going the extra mile. You took your run up and predictably the ramp bowed in middle causing you to bail half way through stumbling and tripping over your board. You could feel the four beers you’d sculled sloshing around in your stomach, cheering you on internally.  

Spike started to clap slowly, jeering sarcastic encouragement “You've almost got it”

 “It's looking like a really good doll” Johnny, not even trying to keep a straight face.

“This is not conducive to my success fossils” You got back on your board rolling over to the cooler. Johnny put a hand over his heart feigning emotional distress.

Cracking another beer, you saw Johnny raise an eyebrow. You'd think for a man with his history, he’d be a little cooler. “You want one Irving? You need to loosen up”.

Turning away from the death glare and back to Bam who was lining up for his turn.

 “That shit is wobblier than your ass,” you whined.

Bam laughed “You're leaning into it way too much”.

“Then you fucking do it” you shoved him as you passed continuing to circle the ramp draining your beer and throwing it into the bush. It missed hitting the side of the bench breaking into a million pieces.

“Jess!!!” a chorus rang out and I raised my hands in an admission of guilt. “Don't worry baby I'll clean it up”. Snatching up and popping the top off another beer, you made a show of putting it safely on the ground out of the way. You could feel Johnny's eyes burning right through as you and Bam began to giggle uncontrollably.

“You've got this right? I’m going home” Spike clapped Johnny on the back. “I will see you both tomorrow whether or not you’re hungover” he pointed his fingers at us. Simultaneously we both sprang to attention “Sir, yes Sir” arms raised in a salute. He walked away mumbling and rolling his eyes.

“Thank god”, you cheekily beamed, “because I'm drunk as fuck”. Bam grinned back “let's hang here for a while, I've got something special”. From his pocket he pulled a silver flask. Gleefully you grabbed it, downing a huge mouthful.

“Woahhhh” Johnny shouted “You need to take it fucking easy”.

“Alright precious” You handed the flask back reluctantly.

“Did you know I used to be a gymnast?” you shouted back, “Could put my legs behind my head”. Johnny's mouth fell open in what you didn’t know was shock or disapproval. Bam barked a laugh, half of his sip coming out his mouth, the other out his nose. You patted him on the back patronizingly as he doubled over coughing still laughing.

“I can still do some of the tricks”. You launched yourself forward in a cartwheel. “I used to be able to do this thing, we called it the Hawk Tony”.

 “Why?” Bam wheezed.

“Cause you skate upside down.”

 Lining up with the skateboard, you took a deep breath and let the liquor flood your body with electricity. You planted my hands directly in the middle of the grip, balancing carefully and flicking your legs up vertically. A pretty decent handstand you thought for a bitch ten years out of practice. You hear Johnny let out a low whistle “Why didn't I think of that”.

“Well well look at you go” Bam said “Can you move?” As if a handstand on a skateboard was not enough? “You bet” I balanced on one hand, using the other to push off the concrete. Balancing was a lot harder than you remember and you needed to push off several times, but you did a circle around the park, stood up with only the slightest wobble, then raised your hands in a proper dismount and bowed to the now clapping Bam and Johnny.

“Jess!!! Look at yourself” Bam shouted. Thinking my shoelace had come undone I glanced down only to see scarlet droplets raining down on the concrete. I pressed my fingers to my face as if to check for a nosebleed when I saw my hand.

A bloody gash with a shard of broken glass. Beer bottle glass. "If it isn’t the consequences of my own actions”. Johnny started walking over, Bam stood motionless with an unopened bottle in his hand.

“Seriously guys don't even worry it's not that bad” you looked over at Johnny and smiling like an idiot you took two bloody fingers and wiped it over your cheek like some kind of grotesque Eye Black that footballers wore.  You pulled the glass from your palm, undoing the bandana from around your neck and tying it around your hand, tightening it with your teeth.

Johnny reached his hands out for you, “Come here kid, let me look at it”. Very quickly and impulsively you chucked down your board and rode out of his grasp. “Are you shitting me, Jess? Come back here”.

“I'm fine, Mr Knoxville. It's just a scratch.” You teased. The alcohol had made you feel nothing but a warm confidence. Bam had unfrozen coming over to stand next to Johnny like two disapproving parents. “Seriously, dude. You're bleeding kinda a lot.” he said nervously.

“Oh no, someone is bleeding on the set of Jackass. What a tragedy. How will I ever survive??” You waved your hands around in the air dramatically, unaware of the blood slowly but surely dripping down your fingers. You continued skating around, deaf to their pleas to stop and come to the medical tent. You snagged another beer, this time using your teeth to open the bottle.

“You guys are being ridiculous, okay I’m fine” You downed most of the beer as a trophy for your misguided victory lap. Johnny turned to bam, whispered something to him. “What are you girls gossiping about?” You queried.

Bam nodded, got on his board and started skating around. Thinking he'd finally relaxed, you rode alongside him grinning. He was just a board length ahead of you when he sharply cut in front of you, and you had to abruptly stop, staggering sidewards. “Bam you fucking stupid cun...” Your stream of profanity cut off by legendary stuntman and actor Johnny Knoxville HOISTING you over one shoulder and hauling your bloody drunken ass towards the medic tent.

“Fucking put me down” you squeal wiggling desperately. This was the most mortifying thing you could have ever imagined, you’d rather drown in horse cum. You couldn't help noticing how effortlessly he carried you, like a ragdoll, he'd picked you up like you weighed nothing.

“Darlin, you should have come on your own when I gave you the chance”.

“Please put me down, I'll walk”. You whined now seeing the blood-soaked bandana, your head swimming from both the beer and being upside down. You could see the trail of red you’d left, staining the footpath and his white shirt where you were grasping at. He continued on his way ignoring your cries, leaving a bemused Bam to pour beer on the ground to wash away the literal crime scene you caused.

“Asshole You're not my dad”.

“Well, someone's gotta be, doll”, he drawled. God that accent, it pulsed straight to your core. You'd fantasized about him manhandling you sure but not like this. “PUT ME DOWN” you all but screamed at him. You pulled hard on his belt, hard enough to rip the stitches on his belt loops, leaving bloody smears on the white letters that spelled KNOXVILLE. You heard him hiss and then he slapped you hard, half on the butt, half on the top of your thighs. You were genuinely speechless. Humiliated and in increasingly more pain, tears filled your eyes and you finally stopped struggling.

“If I'd known spanking you would have gotten you to behave, I would have done it weeks ago” He chuckled, bending his knees slightly to enter the tent. He put you down on your feet with a shit eating grin plastered all over his smug, stupid, beautiful face. You stared at him blankly as his features blurred with the bright light they had illuminating the tent, your own head swimming and you could hear ringing. His strong muscular arms snaked out, grasping your shoulders as you swayed slightly forward, slumping your head against his chest.  “Baby it’s okay, Take it easy”. He held you gently and whispered the comforting words against the top of your hair as the confused but attentive medic pulled forward a stretch for him to lay you on. You moaned at the loss of contact, cringing internally that you’d made a sound like that out loud, but he held this small smile on his lips. He grabbed your other hand and murmured into the back of it “It’s okay,  I’ve got you”. As your head began clear, you started to sober up and the medic cleaned and dressed your wound, you looked over to see Johnny staring intently at you with a egotistical smirk plastered on his awful handsome face.

“What?” You groaned desperately trying to cover your face with your arm, but he held your fingers in a firm embrace. Forcing you to keep looking at him. How were you ever going to live this down.

“I guess you owe me that hundred bucks baby girl”.