#Been trying new apps to play but also failing on those smh

[clownsuu]

What game you been playing recently?

Not much tbh, I’m still sick which has lessened my motivation to play anything-

[gay-sin]

dreaming about alternatives & togetherness

sometimes i go back on instagram and it is soooo baddddd every time!!! i get sucked in and it makes me addicted to proving myself at an unsustainable pace even if i'm only on there for a little while. being offline also sucks though because it is so alienating. this world is already so alienating and it feels strange to compound my alienation by just running away from the problem. but what else is there? i linked a podcast above that i really love. this episode made me feel so hopeful for a future where sharing art online wouldn't be hell. because of the alienating hell of instagram and the lack of alternatives (although tumblr does feel somewhat better i think?) i often feel alone in my frustrations and desires for change. but obviously i'm not alone and i'm not the only one who is upset. there are really smart people dreaming up really smart alternatives and new ways of sharing/relating to art and each other online. everyone knows that social media as it now exists sucks but it feels totally obligatory. it's not though!

i want to talk about alternatives. fun ones!! new things to try!! even if most alternatives fail, i think that dreaming of a better future is what we all need right now so that we can fight to make it a reality. i often feel deflated and defeated about the world but today im feeling hopeful. this is what imagining can do to you!!

i've been trying to practice my own alternatives to instagram/social media for a long time even though i can't be perfect about my own ideals. i'm just one person and i think all of these issues need collective solutions. but until then... here are my own individual solutions that i've found that make my life feel more peaceful and connected. yes, a lot of them are about art because art and life are not separate!! here they are: emailing and sending letters to my friends, getting a flip phone and forcing myself to remain present and problem-solve in real time, creating art/doing things that won't be shared online, making art/doing things that i'm bad at/can't post about/take a long long time (process over product), creating art in the material world (i <3 sculptures), using art as play and experimentation (not a place for ego but for earnest attempts at discovery), collaborating with others in art, generally slowing down, etc...

the reason that i went back on instagram was to share that i made a zine. i wanted to make a zine so people that appreciate my art could interact with it in physical space that isn't instagram. ironically those people are all on instagram so i had to use the stupid app to break the news.... smh!!

i ordered 33 of the zines and they will be here in 2 weeks!!! im very excited to see how they turn out!! it is a collection of photos, drawings, & paintings that i've made over the past 8 years. it's mostly more recent stuff though. i just wanted to put them all together to map the things that I continue to make art about and also people that i've made art with/taken photos of over the years. my photos are really a collaboration between me and my subject. most of the time my photos are of those that i am closest to. the zine is full of people that have really meant something to me and that makes it feel precious to me. anyways... yeah. i'm thinking about people, places, ideas, & patterns that i return to. what is significant about those things? what do i bring to them each time? how do i recontextualize them each time that i return, with my new experiences and ways of seeing? how do they continue to shape me? i have no answers but i have questions and guesses.

i will need to charge $7 to make up printing/shipping costs for anyone outside of boston. if you're in boston, it will just be $5 and i can hand it to you. that will be nice. if you don't want one - that's also totally fine!! im just trying to stop complaining about how much things suck and do something about it all. well, i'll actually still probably be complaining at least a little bit. but i also want to attempt to find better ways of being. i want to imagine a better future. a future that feels less like a race, a competition, a path of endless alienation. i just want peace and love! that sounds dumb but it's soooo true.

[laufire]

thoughts on DC’s Legends of Tomorrow 3x01-3x05 (I watch this show backwards, deal with it xD)

I’m loving watching Zari getting to know the team (and tricking them! LOL), being the outsider one, etc. Especially after how in s4 she was often the one to welcome Constantine, the new outsider, in (yes, this are my Constantine/Zari feels coming in. At this moment, I’m side-eyeing fandom for not fully appreciating this ship after the last episode xDD). I love how excited she is about time travel (and how she hacks Gideon lol. Another character that should receive more shippy attention, js. I loled when she used a pic of herself on that dating app to hack all the phones --that strategy worked for comics!Tony too lol. Now I want them to meet xD), or about the food in the ship (when she said she wanted to eat like a queen *-*) how Ray is the first one she really bonds with (I’m going to miss him soooo much). Seeing how much he mourned her brother and her family first hand is making me even more happy that she got them back in s5. I hope she gets her memories back and she gets to enjoy all that emotional payoff.

I liked what little I saw of Jax on The Flash, but now that I’ve met him properly... can we trade him for Ava or Gary (or Mick, though so far he’s a lot less annoying in s3; likely because he has no plot of his own yet and so doesn’t take space from everyone else. And I LMAO when he pulled that stake out of nowhere and was so gung-ho about vampires xD) so we can get him back, please?? I love him. I might even concede and watch s2&s1 to get more of him. I love that he’s the most vocal against the Time Bureau, or in favor of not returning Zari. And I really like his dynamic with Sara (add him to the pile of people I rather she was paired week, smh). It’s bullshit that he’s no longer in the show. And he does look good on any era. I’m also curious about his mental link with Martin (that he said “well done” when Jax got laid asdflaksdfja. Also, I love they took their shot and made the Titanic joke with the actor, btw), and I’m pre-mourning what I know is gonna happen :/. I’m actively trying not to like Martin to protect myself lol, but it’s hard because I love the actor, and he‘s pretty endearing.

After Jax, the old-but-new-to-me character I’ve liked most is obviously Amaya. The actress does a really good job (not that I’m surprised. She made me feel breifly interested in Rebekah Mikaelson in The Originals --where she ALSO played too different characters, albeit in a shorter span--, that’s a miracle xD), because she and Charlie feel completely different. I’m looking forward to seeing more about her and her family (Kuasa’s totem’s powers are THE COOLEST). BTW, Nate acting all fixated on her is clearly his less attractive look RME; let’s hope he doesn’t get like that with Zari, ever, because I prefer how he was written in s4 tbh. OTOH, that said of him provided us with the hilarious moment of Amaya telling him that her fate was interwined with someone else’s on the ship... ZARI XDD (yet another gr10 rareship. This show is so good at those and then fails to follow through :/).

Kid!Ray was absolutely adorable. Of fucking course he befriended an incredibly dangerous baby alien. O-F-C. I love him. Now Nora’s been introduced too (possessed!Nora was sooooo creepy. I loved it), and I’m really looking forward to seeing them together.

Since I mentioned how many rareships this show provides, here’s some that I’ve liked in these episodes: Jax/Sara (their friendship is so so good), Amaya/Sara (their scene when Sara asked for her help was SO SOFT. And I loved how they looked on that 80s car lol), Amaya/Zari (duh), Sara/Zari (the Tension(TM)), Nora/Zari (I liked the reading scene idk), Gideon/practically everyone ofc (mainly Sara, Zari, and Jax)... probably more I’m forgetting. I even enjoyed Rip/Sara a bit --he’s dull and nothing to write home about, but I enjoyed their scenes and I liked it when they betrayed each other and Sara sold him out xDD.

Ava makes even less sense as Sara’s partner the more context I get. I can’t stand her, man. When she clearly didn’t gaf about the future being screwed over by A.R.G.U.S. and wanted to put Zari back in prison smh. And please nobody come at me about how she’s “evolved” or something. She learned NOTHING from that because she had the same deplorable attitude with the prisoners in season four (which she didn’t even apologize for or even acknowledge as wrong, IIRC). I despise her and I want her gone gone gone.

Okay, I know he was only in one scene so far, but I don’t like how this show writes Wally lmao. He ~felt more like an idiot jock, not like himself (that he took his mask off in public doesn’t help...). I hope it improves because I was looking forward some good Wally rareship content too smh.

Some of my fave random moments of these episode: Julius Caesar hitting on Sara and wanting to rule the world with her when she goes to him for advice xDD, and the saber tooth tiger. I love saber tooth tigers (one day we can talk about my Feels(TM) about the Ice Age franchise lmao), but seeing one miniaturized was extra cute lol. And well, not a “fave” one, but my brain exploded when I heard the words “King Arthur got stuck in the Spanish Civil War” omg. I don’t even want to imagine how that would go O_O

[realasunicorns]

"Give me a character and I will answer"

@callmehername asked me about Ben Solo/Kylo Ren.

(My answers to the other characters are here)

Why I like them

It is hard to talk about this character when I know so little about him, since he's very new compared to all the others. So be kind if I make assumptions bc it's mostly what we can do for now, I think. For me at least, to take what we canonically know about him for sure doesn't leave much to choose, so I'm doing my own thing a bit 🤷🏻‍♀️

Having said this:

Basically, I like him bc he's complex. He's conflicted, but that's something we've seen before. He's also unstable tho. Really unstable.

But I also like him because I feel like I have a hard time reading him. Like, we know he's unstable, but... Are his actions those of a conflicted (and traumatized and probably brainwashed) child grown up? Or not really? I mostly get the feeling he could be very determined and manipulative under that confused look. That he knows exactly what he's doing even if he looks like a mess with temper tantrums. That he's conflicted and he knows people know that, so he uses that as a disguise, like a wolf in sheep's clothing. Or maybe it isn't that at all. Maybe he's THAT misguided. I guess we'll have to wait for Episode IX to find out more, but for now I like that he keeps me guessing.

Then there is also the fact that troughout the Episodes, we are repeatedly told by the Jedi that one must resist the Dark Side. It is easy to fall and once you do, it forever will dominate your destiny. And I think it's fascinating how Kylo is permanently fighting to stay in it. For someone to show such a struggle with the Dark Side, it could mean an increadibly strong alignment to the Light and/or that he was pushed into the darkness by someone without his consent (hello Snoke) probably by means of an idea in his mind. An idea that was wrong all along: what Vader was supposed to be like. What he was supposed to be too. So he's holding onto the darkness on sheer determination to be that. (Which I find to be very ironic bc if you read my opinion on Anakin I always thought he was conflicted all along, Vader as well. Maybe not just like Ben, but he wasn't like Sheev, that kind of pure evil that Ben seems to think he was.)

To me it all goes down to: would he struggle as much to stay in the Light as he struggles to be in the Dark? How much of it was Snoke's doing? Walking the fine line between the Light and the Dark would make him even more interesting as a character. And it also brings something into the table that I've been waiting for many, many years: actual force balance/the Grey/etc.

So, essentially, what I love the most about his character is all the possibilities he brings to the table and the fact that he's not just a villian, not just a [insert other classic character tropes here].

(I could say the same about Rey in a way, since they are two sides of the same coin. But also not quite the same. And also I'm not here to talk about Rey haha)

Why I don’t

To me it makes no sense his name is Ben unless there's something I missed. I'm still waiting for an explanation that makes it fitting.

(oh and also he's supposed to be 29 and he doesn't feel like it to me? and sometimes I feel confused? lol idk how to explain it bc I don't really know what bugs me, but something feels off 🤷🏻‍♀️ but that's about it, no big deal at all haha)

Favorite episode (scene if movie)

Easy. When he kills Snoke in The Last Jedi. More like, how he does it. I'm a huge fan of the whole deception he plays on him.

And let me say I think he might have had it planned all along when he took that look at the guards while being in the room that time before 👀

Favorite season/movie

IDK AAAAH

Maybe it's the one to come?

No, seriously. I really don't know. I have no preference atm.

If I must choose based on him aesthetically tho, then I'm choosing The Force Awakens! TFA hair AAAAALL THE WAY:

GIF source*

Favorite line

"Forgive me. I feel it again... The pull to the Light."

I just love it.

Favorite outfit

I believe he's only had one?

GIF source*

One very much on point tho👌🏻

OTP

I don't ship him romantically atm 🤔

BROTP

OMG ALSO NO BROTPs?! I JUST DON'T SHIP HIM AT ALL. I REALLY BOUGHT THE SPACE EMO KID THING HE'S SELLING 🤣

Head Canon

He understands Wookie like it's his mother tongue.

He and Chewie used to play when he was a kid. It was like having a huge (and alive) teddy bear friend to play with. They would do mechanics together and later some piloting maybe?

💔

(OK, MAYBE I WANTED HIM AND CHEWIE AS BROTP BUT IT'S NOT POSSIBLE ANYMORE, HE KILLED HAN FFS AAAAHHH😭😭😭)

Unpopular opinion

The anti's are not morally superior, they are just haters and bullies.

First of all, acting as if Kylo Ren was the devil is non-sense in GFFA. He's not that bad if you compared to so many others lol He's no saint, but why would he have to be? And even if it was denying someone a redemption before he can even claim it or whatever is really, really shitty. So there's no hope then for people to improve? Shouldn't they be encouraged to get better specially if they have been wrong and hurt others? Not discouraged? What kind of shit is that.

And second, shipping him with Rey or whoever is fine even if it was unhealthy. I have seen a million unhealthy ships (some in GFFA too) and no one ever made a big deal because it is no big deal. And this one should be no different. You just want an excuse to hate. Besides, many shippers actually ship them in AUs. So it's not necessarily an unhealthy ship. But in case it was, it's none of your business. And certainly no one deserves the shitty treatment these people give to the shippers. And on top of all of that, I find disgusting that they use something as detrimental as abusive relationships as an excuse to be bullying other fans. WHICH IS ABUSIVE TOO, HELLO. To use your (supposedly) superior morals as the reason to be rightfully allowed to discriminate others is by definition abusive behaviour. And this is real life, not some fictional character's. Really, really ugly shit smh

#RANTOVER.

A wish

I hope they don't play the classic redemption arc and stick to the simple usual light vs. darkness thing. Give something more complex, something good, something different. GIVE SOMETHING INSPIRING.

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen

I don't think Reylo is a good idea in canon, like, there being romantically involvement in the movie.

Not bc of the relationship itself. Although I would prefer none of it, I don't know what they are planning and I don't think I know better than the creators, so it could probably be done right in some way if that's really the plan. And who knows, maybe I would enjoy it(?) Butr my taste, the balance of the force should be the plot and I feel this, even as a sub-plot, would overshadow it. So it's a no for me atm.

Also imagine all the haters backlash if it happened... Look, idk if I have enough patience for another TLJ 😱

(SEE? HATERS ARE WHY THERE IS NO FREEDOM OF WRITING ANYMOREok I try to chill nowBUT SERIOUSLY STOP THE FLAME WARSi want an overall happy fandom why can't we have it)

5 words to best describe them

Lonely. Misunderstood. Overpowered. Unstable. Capable.

My nickname for them

Kylo is fine haha I don't think I ever call him Ben (by now you know I don't much like him being called that)

I fail at the nickname thing, I really have no nicknames for any of them! Ok maybe space emo prince 👀 😂

GIF source*

And this is it!

Unicorn Kisses!🦄

–

*Excuse the not-so-great cites of GIF sources BLAME THE TUMBLR APP, I’ll change them once I have a computer... some day. There's also the fact that some source didn't exist(?) so I linked what I could find.