#BrainProblem

[cgtg]

its so fuckin funny trying 2 imagine myself w/ a solid hs class, bc my life is so entrenched in executive dysfunction that the "arc" there would basically be godtier=amphetamine

[drpranjal]

Warning Early Signs of Brain Problems: Symptoms, Treatment, & When to See a Specialist | Dr. Pranjal

[max1461]

Speaking of syntax, I posted this on discord:

Uh is that readable? Anyway. I'm too brainproblemed to come up with an analysis of this right now but I think you should be able to make one. Anyone want to explain the syntax of my own conlang to me?

[aropride]

house season 8 episode 12 liveblogging (LONG post sorry)

sorry again. see why it took me 2 hours to watch 45 minutes

bandage placement made me think top surgery. god iwish i lived in the beautiful world i conjured in my mind for .3 seconds where chase took time off work to get top surgery

has anyone told him he probably shouldnt be having sex while also having an unhealed stab wound

thank god at least HE takes pills with water. unlike SOME PEOPLE (house 😒)

(respectful voice) big fan of.back muscles. Noreason for sharing just was moved by the spirit i suppose

every time house calls himself the c word i have an instinctual Hey man you cant say that reaction and then i go Wait he can reclaim nvm... Hes using it as a slur though

wait is this chase's apartmwnt I need to know fto write the most accurate fanfiction possible

guy who just got stabbed but is "fine" Okay man

NUNS......

can he stop standing and walking around and shifting his weight on his injured legs im nervous.

he was a seminarian......... i already knew this. but like. wow he has GOT to have some insane brain problems as a result. (thinks about "i had faith" "yeah that has baggage stamped all over it" exchange btwn him and adams)

^is this supposed to be hot or am i just insane

^BABYGIRL YOURE SO BAD AT THIS I LOVE YOU

i love you babygirl ur cool and casual touching ur hair despite barely having hair anymore is definitely showing how chill and calm u feel abt this conversation

"priests and nuns were the closest i had to family" :(

^what do u mean by this :(

"even though you don't find my case interesting, you find my interest in it interesting" AGAIN . CHASE KNOWS HIM SO WELL. and the pause after and looking at him like he's making sure he's reading him right and then house does exactly what chase expected. im normal about them

^oh you should ask chase about this topic im sure hes familiar #true /notprojecting

"your overreaction to your stabbing is to blame me even as you are drawn to me" ? i cant be the only one seeing homosexuality here

"how can you not be traumatized?" "can't change what happened. can only make better choices from here" me when im so not traumatized that i blame myself for what happened to prove im not traumatized.

"no one joins the clergy without having that epiphany.that god's love is speaking to you directly" <- needed to save this quote. not sure why. It will be helpful to me in my travels i think

this is sofucking good im. slurping this episode like apple juice Fuck

EVEN THE PATIENTS KNOW HES A WHORE!!!!!!😭

the first thing he has to know about being hypersexual/using sexuality as an unhealthy coping mechanism is that u cant drag other people into ur problems Especially if u have to interact with them regularly. (doubly so bc if they realize ur like, using them to worsen ur own brainproblems they will feel bad !!!) Fucking all the nurses at the damn hospital is like the worst thing he could do Now its followed him into his career Smdh. Well to be fair he probably didnt have an alter to tell him that. shout out mars i miss u every day

"i'm just looking for something more" "so am i" auoughhghhhhh

he spends all this time nowadays being like house but sometimes u can still see the earnest kicked-puppy look in his eyes

"you think im hitting on a nun? angry at god or i just need a challenge?" "Or you're terrified of intimacy, which is why you're a serial slut" MY JAW IS ON THE FLOORRRRR I THOGUHT I WAS THE ONLYT ONE SEEINF THIS SHIT!!! I PRACTICALLY WROTE THIS WORD FOR WORD THE OTHER DAY IN MY NTOES APP FOR THAT FUCKING. DIALOGUE I CANT STOP WRITING FOR SOME REAOSN.

got too excited about teevee show now i can feel all the blood in my body

"youre right i was running away" girl so is he :(

how it feels to lose urself in meaningless sex rainbow dolphin image :(and by rainbowdolphin image i mean not that

^😭 HELP

"there was a stabbing" ME WHEN I DISSOCIATE??? brother.see a therapist

"i need to get away from house and everything that reminds me of him" (house md 8.12) // "avoidance of trauma-related stimuli after the trauma" (ptsd criterion c)

"you're gonna get away from him by turning into him?" OH.... FINALLY SOMEONE ELSE IS SEEING THIS

i truly do not believe his little story abt how he got kicked out of seminary school im not buying thgat. me when i lie

he's like a puppy to me. hes so kicked puppy core. and his gay little outfit is so cute and i love him i want to pick him up and throw him against the wall. like a bouncy ball not in a sexual way. In a sexual way also tghough

DO NOT CONFESS YOUR LOVE TO THE PATIENT??? WHO YOU JUST MET AND SLEPT WITH ONCE??????

^in terms of how house is this is basically a deeply vulnerable discussion of his regrets and traumas

the little tiny barely perceptable nods i lvoe you i love you

[tour2wellness]

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[leadendeath]

Pardon me, Lead (may I call you Lead?)

I'm curious what drew you to Doom originally! Hearing what got folks into their favorite media is always interesting to me

Yes you can!! -several people have called me that :]

what got me into Doom? well i wish i could remember re: the game... rather than re: the entire Thing as a whole... *major infodump incoming*

so there's NuDoom, 2016-2020, with a lot more lore than the original lore which the original 90s games involved (there was not all that much to begin with, but there was Some story, ya feel? Doomguy gets sent to hell for reasons, he doesn't just wind up there for no reason, etc etc)

and i am thinking back as we speak, and unlocking my own lore which i've almost forgotten about! hehe

i remember now. so a prologue: i'm limited by what games i can actually play due to unfortunate eyesight/neurological/brainproblems, and NuDoom is one of those sadly (lots of bright colours when u kill a demon, complex lotsa-polygon shapes- as apposed to Just Pixels From 30yrs Ago- the modern-day latter of which very sadly do not compute with me noggin', so it's obvious what iteration of Doom i leaned towards (THAT AND THE REPLAYABILITY OF CUSTOM .WADS BASED OFF THE 90S GAMES WHICH THE COMMUNITY HAS MADE... OMFG THE *CREATIVITY* OF THIS COMMUNITY!!! WOOOOOOOOOOW SO GOOD /genuine)

WELL ANYWAY THAT WAS SOME NECESSARY ACCESSIBILTY NONSENSE WHICH IS IMPORTANT TO THE OVERALL PLOT... BARE WIV ME INNIT...

i found (2016) doom through a mashup. here is said song. the very one.

i love mashups. the soundtrack of doom 2016 is by mick gordon. fucken stellar bloke. aussie. need i say more. but you may have heard already BFG Division. as previously alluded to.

i heard that, but mashed up with No Love.

death grips has been pretty much one of, if not Thee Number One Fav Band for me since 2016, coincidentally. i got recc'ed them by a friend irl at the time, back when i was still a Normal level of social and not reclusive. I listened to probably their most popular album, The Money Store, (and then branched out to their other stuff from there because i loved it) which i would recommend to anybody as a "pay it forward" kind of music rec. i think anybody has that kind of music saved in their metaphorical pocket. a must-listen album you'd rec to anyone. yeah, the money store is one of those albums for me.

but yeh. i was juuuuust getting into metal, tentatively, back in 2016. i love it and the many iterations of metal now, but i listened to the doom soundtrack a lot as an intro to the genre. it does help loving OSTs and mashups as music genres on youtube before that generally, but the 2016 soundtrack is definitively the thing what got me into Doom for sure.

i AM old enough to remember dial-up internet and floppy discs and what-have-ya, all that sexy paraphernlia, but my intro to Doom was as an old. i mean i'm not far off being as old as Doom itself! i was 25 when i decided to buy the original doom on steam to give it a try in late 2020, for 2020-related reasons. you know. bit old to get into gaming, but i'm glad i did :) it's opened the door for other games now.

Doom is a gateway drug, let it be known!

[divyarishiarog]

याददाशत बढ़ाने के घरेलू नुस्खे | Home Remedies to Keep Memory Strong | He...

[thedreadvampy]

I think the online culture of trauma as social currency is a really good way to dig directly into my delicate brainmeats and push the None Of Your Problems Are Real switch buuuuuuut I also don't have. a solution.

because a culture where having a say on issues is conditional on disclosing your shittiest experiences in a pithy way is to my mind self-evidently unhealthy as fuck BUT. it's also incredibly frustrating when people who Do Not Know What They're Talking About weigh in with total confidence.

and like it's good. to live in a culture where we're able to name and acknowledge traumas and disadvantagements and oppressive systems. and where we're able to recognise the importance of direct lived experience. but it's not good to be expected to play Who Has The Most Trauma every time you get in an argument with a stranger or ask for help or just like Exist Online. especially because a lot of this stuff, like disability or neurodivergence or experiences of abuse or trauma or systemic violence, can be really hard to discern in a wider culture that gaslights and normalises those experiences from birth.

like whether it's individual abuse or systemic oppression, experience of trauma is complicated and highly personal and difficult to describe, let alone summarise. and that doesn't mean it's not real or we shouldn't talk about it but the constant demand to complete with a list of umbrella experiences - I'm Literally A Bisexual Disabled Neurodivergent Survivor Of Sexual And Domestic Violence -

a) requires you to be quite far through the journey of naming those experiences (some are just factual - while unpicking the trauma and specific experiences you've had related to your identity and naming those is just as complex, many people can pretty confidently say 'I am [racialised category]' or 'I am a sex worker' or 'I am an amputee' and have that indicate something about what experiences and power dynamics are likely to come from that - but a lot, like naming trauma but also like disability, sexuality, gender, neurodiversity, race for many people, is a lot more fraught and tends to take a lot of work to claim)

b) opens you up to constant implicit or explicit questioning of your Trauma Cred. like the amount of times I've seen someone immediately start picking apart someone's claim about their own life because of an unrelated argument - you're faking mental illness, you're claiming the label of survivor and that's ALL you experienced???, you want us to believe you're experiencing ableism but you're practically able-bodied, you have opinions about queerness but you live in Seattle so how can you know anything about homophobia?

And again I do not. Have a solution bc people do take the piss sometimes but it is not GOOD to have this whole precedent set that people's lives experience is up for debate, or that the way to win an argument is to successfully one-up or debunk every trauma or oppression your opponent's ever experienced. like we can agree that's fundamentally fucked, right? the constant endless debateability of whether other people's pain is Valid Enough to win the Trauma Contest?

like I very very often fall prey to the temptation to Trauma Contest. I think most of us do bc you see someone talking confidently as if they're the authority and you know that their experience of that specific thing has been very marginal and shielded and yours hasn't and it feels like an appropriation of pain. and sometimes it Truly Fucking Is but I also think some of the reason people do sometimes claim ownership of the most edge-case experiences of trauma and marginalisation is because trauma is social currency. It should be a good thing if someone's not experienced abuse. ideally none of us would have.

but anyway yeah it's easy to do. I do it all the time and I am very good at deciding I've lost the Trauma Contest before anyone's even spoken which is why all my experiences feel fake bc in all areas I know so many people who've had much worse experiences. and experiences that are much more neatly encapsulated in familiar labels.

and I think it's important to be able to recognise your own privilege and that you are unlikely to have the Most Dramatically Awful Story Of Anyone In The World. and recognise the ways you're protected or have been lucky where others aren't and haven't. but it's also important to know that you don't have to CHOOSE whose pain is legitimate. someone can have been really hurt by something you'd shrug off and the hurt is real and the shrugging off is also real. someone can be really severely traumatised and marginalised and need to have that understood and respected AND their opinions or behaviour can still be total dogshit that you disagree with and have to set boundaries around.

[bobzora]

i am obsessed with isekai crossovers. the kind of crossover with the most incredible comedic potential. perfect opportunity for fish out of water situations. the drama of getting booted into an entirely different universe. impeccable

[twinkskeletons]

avpd tumblr tag my only friend <3

[plounce]

i want to hold thanatos like a cat. baby in my arms. his limbs all stiff and sticking out because he hates it but i am holding him. my little guy. ill buy him the best brand of cat food so he gets all his vitamins

[josephinapurpura]

**NEW** Self Care Routine video is out!

[transhitman]

hmmm tonight I will work myself into a vomit-inducing bloodrage

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[thedreadvampy]

NO I'VE GOT IT hang on Tumblr my stand-in therapist I've got this

um

I fucking hate. when people have feelings for me (either friend feelings or Feeling feelings) that I don't reciprocate bc I do often ends up feeling forced to React Correctly and I feel like 99% of the time when people have had crushes On Me that I don't reciprocate I've ended up being blamed and getting a lot of anger/denial/boundary crossing about my not being into them.

like since I was 13 or 14 people have consistently made it impossible for me to Not reciprocate their feelings and it's been. really painful and uncomfortable and often put me in really bad situations.

so now I feel. like ugh I don't want to be doing that. like putting your feelings for someone onto them and making them their problem can almost be an act of violence in itself like it can make. everything really awful.

and I have no GUARANTEE that the other person isn't feeling like I have felt. because I've worked really hard to pretend I'm fine and avoid making people feel bad when they're kind of being intensely pressuring and aggressive to me. so like. if I didn't tell those people, then how can I trust that someone else would tell me if my feelings were causing them distress or making them feel pressured???? I wouldn't tell me!

so like. when I actually do feel really strongly about someone. like either I have a crush on them or I Really Want Them To Be My Friend I really like them I think they're cool and fun and we should be friends. I am fucking terrified of expressing that or letting it slip out. like my Want To Be Loved is so huge and overwhelming that it could make people feel really pressured or pushed or afraid to say no to me.

bc when I know that often when someone has a crush on me or admires me I'm like. really on edge around them. I don't feel safe I can't relax I'm watching everything I do - am I leading them on? am I talking myself in a position where they feel misled or where I can't say no without causing a scene? are they going to let me walk away from them if I want to? - and it's not anything wrong with them or anything they're doing it's just. too much bad experience.

and I'm so afraid. of making other people feel that way. of creeping them out or making them feel unsafe. that I'm honestly kind of unfriendly or standoffish or cold to a lot of people I really want to be friends with! or I will have a burst of like. sending someone I want to be pals with a message or telling someone I like that they look amazing and then I FULLY panic and spend days thinking like 'oh god I put them in such an uncomfortable position I made it weird this is fully stalkery weirdly intimate behaviour and it's Really Obvious I Want More Here and that's not fair on them. can't ever speak to them again. fuck.'

(if you're someone I follow long-term but don't know IRL and I've ever sent you a compliment or a 'hope you feel better' or sth and then not. really talked to you. that's where we're at. I think you're cool and would like to be your friend but I don't know how to want things or pursue relationships with people without it making me feel like a Horrible Presumptive Creep In Your Inbox so I feel like I constantly have to be like BUT WE'RE NOT FRIENDS I KNOW WE'RE NOT FRIENDS I'M NOT PARASOCIALING YOU OWE ME NOTHING)

I just. yeah man it is in fact The Trauma and I'm really mad about it bc I know that I'm not being creepy and overbearing and I know that to the degree that my behaviour is off-putting or overwhelming it's mostly because I'm overthinking so much because of this specific baggage and if I could just get over thinking that Me Liking Someone is an act of unforgivable violence against them personally, me liking people would be entirely fine and boundaried and respectful.

but my horrible brain will not let me live it's like 'however nice someone is to you You Are Not Their Friend And Friendship Would Be An Imposition. having a crush on someone is basically the same as you sexually assaulting them. stop doing the horrible crime of Wanting To Be Loved and instead return to the correct and acceptable role of Wanting To Be Helpful But Disposable'

[vitaminnica]