#Bread hating pandemic

[holocene-sims]

asking a bunch for grant bc im NOSY : 🌾 [RICE SHEAF] How picky is your OC with food? What will and won't they eat? 🍔 [BURGER] What would your OC put on their burger? 🥕 [CARROT] How tough is your OC against certain situations? How weak are they against others?🧅 [ONION] What is surefire to make your OC cry? Who knows of this information?

omg hi nectar 🤭 thanks for sending me some questions!!

🌾 [RICE SHEAF] how picky is your OC with food? what will and won't they eat?

grant is, like, negative picky. the only thing he doesn't really like is any kind of tea but he'll drink it if you give it to him and every once in a while, for a very special flavor, he'll approve of it. maybeeeee not like it but at least tolerate it more than usual.

so yeah!! he'll eat anything, he does not care. he enjoys cooking and baking, it's all very relaxing for him, and he likes trying new things.

however, probably large in part because he never got to eat anything fun as a child unless he was far, far away from his mother (who only ever served "rabbit food"), he does gravitate to classic american comfort cuisine as his favorite foods! stuff like macaroni and cheese, pizza, etc. he might be the #1 mac and cheese stan worldwide tbh

🍔 [BURGER] what would your OC put on their burger?

the absolute dream combo for him would probably be like standard burger patty and bread with sauerkraut and swiss cheese, maybe a fried egg for funsies, too

can you tell he's from the midwest

🥕 [CARROT] how tough is your OC against certain situations? how weak are they against others?

i truly believe grant is much, much tougher than people would at first give him credit for (or even than he would give himself credit for...)

he's been through a lot in his lifetime and he can be very critical of himself for having developed mental illness, a chronic physical illness, and for struggling with addiction in the past because he feels like it's all his fault and he wasn't strong enough to make it out "normally" (there is no normal, i just think he would use that terminology against himself). but the reality is that survival AT ALL is a huge deal and is worth celebrating, and he's very resilient to have gotten to the place he's at in life now. was it fair that he had to be resilient? no, not even remotely, but in a way, he had no choice.

so that said, i think as he's gotten a better handle on healing throughout his 20s and now 30s (yay!! we just had his birthday last update in the story!!), he's become much more unshakable. social situations are his weakest area - for example, it took him a long time to stand up to his ex and tell her to get out of his life, and it is going to take even longer for him to work out the situation with his father and confront him one way or another.

NOW what is he really good at?! handling emergencies! if you're in a car accident, he's the guy you want to be in the car with you at the time because he won't break a sweat dealing with it. he's very mechanically-minded and good with logic and problem solving, so any emergency is not even slightly going to bother him because he does know he's good at those things. he trusts himself completely as long as he can use those skills. plus, he has many years of experience in compartmentalization lol.

we could also think about his previous job (that he's attempting to get back now) here. aviation is very safe for the most part, but you have to be chill about any kind of crazy ass events happening as a pilot because the stakes are ridiculously high. grant has an advantage in the chill factor, though, because on any day of the week, he'd 100% choose flying an airplane that's on fire or literally falling apart over being in the same building, not even the same room, as his mother. in his mind, he's dealt with much worse.

🧅 [ONION] what is surefire to make your OC cry? who knows of this information?

remember the not as good with social stuff thing?

yeahhhh, it's raising your voice at him. you don't even have to yell, you can just barelyyyyyy raise it and his eyes will at least get watery. he can handle honesty, he can handle bluntness, but not anything with a tone or yelling 😥

and i think everyone knows because his emotions always show on his face. in this case, he'll get that kind of twitchy look and his face will look like it's just been completely drained of life

[gyll-yee-haw]

Heartbreakingly yours

🌻Husband!Jake x Wife!reader (Angst/Smut)

(Bonus: our good boy Leo Gyllenhaal!)🐕

🍂Prompt: You're heartbroken, your marriage is falling apart and Jake knows it's his fault. He has to do something before it's too late.

🌿Warnings: angst (with a happy ending), broken marriage, fights, mentions of anxiety and insecurity, oral sex (f), unprotected sex, bit of spanking...

Like 5.2k words 💀

---

Peace filled your mind and fresh air filled your lungs as soon as you left the city. Leo surely felt that too, as he had his head out of the car window, tongue out, euphoric with the way the wind hit his face. You smiled watching the German Shepherd through the mirror, so unaware he would have the time of his life this weekend. Jake kept his eyes on the road as he drove.

It was a two hours drive to the county side, where Jake rented a house for the weekend. He had been working non-stop since the pandemics.

Working on everything but your relationship.

They say the first year is the hardest. Well, for you it wasn't. You and Jake got married a few months before COVID spread, so you spent the first year of your marriage on a never ending honeymoon. Trapped inside a brand new house the two of you decorated in the coziest way, everything turned into sex. From making bread, laughing together to vaguely looking in each other's direction, it would somehow lead to sex.

It was a calm life. That's what you missed the most: tranquility. Peace. Silence. You didn't expect things to change.

Jake went back to work before people stopped wearing masks, and you saw your honeymoon start to crumble. And you didn't think it was a bad thing, at first... Jake loved his job and you were dying to see his new projects. You were happy that things were going back to normal and married life was about to start.

You were happy, but you weren't ready.

You weren't ready for the sleepless nights waiting for him to come back. Or the nights he wouldn't come back, cause he was on another continent. For the days you'd freak out because he didn't answer your calls or replied to your texts. For the fans thirsting over him on the new promos, hating on you. For his costars who just... looked better than you. For the fact that even when he was home, it wasn't the same anymore, because he was always either too tired or rambling about things that didn't include you anymore.

And he started to grow distant. Or maybe you did. You weren't sure who's fault it was, all you knew is that you forgot what his lips tasted like... or what it felt like to be safe and loved.

You and Jake had been planning this trip before things got too bad. Because both of you missed that nothingness you tasted for a moment.

You expected it to be canceled, but now you were on your way. Anxiety filled your guts just imagining being trapped with him for a whole weekend without being able to talk. Not because you didn't have anything to say, but you just felt like everything about you was so irrelevant and boring now. You didn't remember when was the last time you two sat on a sofa and laughed at the most absurd things you said to each other... the sense of humor you shared and the inside jokes... you were afraid to bring some of that up now and earn a weird look from him. You were afraid he didn't remember what it felt like before.

Very few words were said during the car ride. Still, the air on the country side brought you peace. For now, the grass and the sight of the mountains on the horizon cleared your mind.

---

The first thing Jake did after parking in front of the cutest little stone cottage was open the car door for Leo, watching him run like no tomorrow. He was a senior dog now, but he acted like a puppy everytime he saw a big field... running, jumping, barking until he ran out of breath. Then he would come inside, drink water for 5 uninterrupted minutes and pass out by Jake's feet.

You sat in the car for a few moments still, watching the dog with a smile on your face. No matter how hard this weekend would be for you, at least Leo deserved it.

"Wanna come inside?" Jake's voice startled you a bit. You only realized you dissociated for a while when you saw he had already picked up the bags from the trunk and stood beside you with the keys in his hand.

"Sure." You nodded. As soon as you got out of the car, you felt nervous. The car was safe, the two of you were distracted by the road... what about now?

You followed him to the entrance. You were in awe when he opened the door. The house was somehow even cuter inside. First thing you see as you walk in is a colorful living room. You could see plants hanging from all surfaces and a rusty book shelf. An old small tv was placed in front of a terracotta colored sofa, where a few wool blankets were placed, all handmade, decorated with different patterns. A few more steps would lead you to a small kitchen with wooden cabinets painted white, filled with baby blue accessories, including a baby blue fridge, that could only be described as vintage. The dining room separated the kitchen from the living room, containing a table for six, an old record player and a bunch of candles.

"It's very pretty." You commented, looking around.

"I know." He smiled, relieved that you liked it. "There are two bedrooms upstairs. And two bathrooms too. One has a bathtub and all."

"That's lovely." You stood there awkwardly, not knowing exactly what to do. "Do you need help taking the bags upstairs?"

"Hm... yeah, that would be nice, we should do that." He handed you the smallest bag. He didn't really need help. But what was he going to say? The truth is that he was just as lost as you.

You followed him into a cozy bedroom upstairs. The biggest one. It didn't have much inside. A small wardrobe and a queen sized bed covered in white sheets, decorated with lace. On each side of the bed, a small table with a lamp.

The light coming through the window made the place look ethereal, no matter how simple it was. You wondered what would be like to wake up on that place beside someone you love. The room would look pretty boring through the eyes of someone who didn't know what being in love felt like, but you knew it. You knew it because he was looking at you, and something in that room made the eyes you knew so well never seem bluer. Fear invaded your heart as you wondered if Jake felt that too. For months you worried about how you looked through his eyes, but never more than now. He knew what being in love felt like, you were sure of that. But did that light remind him of it? Did he love you still?

"Are you tired?" He asked.

"A little." You admitted. "I... I need to stretch my legs a bit, it was a long drive."

"Yeah." He agreed. "It's a bit further than I remembered."

Remembered? You were caught by surprise.

"Have you been here before?" You asked, trying to hide how your guts told you there was something wrong.

"Yeah." He furrowed his eyebrows. "I came to have a look before bringing you here."

You stood in silence for a while. He never mentioned it. You would remember it.

"Y/N, what's wrong?" He spoke when he realized you wouldn't.

"Nothing." You lied terribly. "You just didn't mention it."

"I thought I did." He shrugged.

You tried as hard as you could to hold it in you, but the question slipped out.

"Were you alone?"

"What are you suggesting?" He looked at you absolutely incredulous.

"Answering a question with another question is trying to escape it." You would never talk back to him like that if you weren't beyond pissed. You were exhausted.

You were ready for your marriage to die of natural causes. You were ready to hear that he didn't find you attractive anymore. That he got tired of you. That he didn't really enjoy being married. Anything. Anything but being fucking cheated on.

"No. I wasn't alone, in fact." He shook his head and let out a chuckle. "The real estate agent showed me around."

"Is it funny?" Your voice cracked a little and that made you even more angry. You. weren't. going. to. cry.

"Yeah, it's a bit funny, actually." He replied, now as angry as you. "I'm being accused of cheating because I tried to do something for you."

"For me?" You raised your voice. "To keep me entertained once a year so I will keep being your stupid little obedient wife? Oh sorry, I forgot to kneel at your feet and thank you for all these wonderful crumbs of attention I've been getting!"

His eyes were wide and his mouth shut. He had no idea what to say. He simply didn't know how he felt. There was anger. Anger because of your tone. There was guilt. Guilt because of your words. But what dominated him was the deepest sadness he had ever felt. He obviously knew your marriage was falling apart. But he was a coward and all he was doing to try and save it was act like nothing happened and bring you to this stupid trip.

And there were no word to describe what he felt when you walked out of that room and he wasn't brave enough to follow you.

His body felt heavy. He sat on the bed, head in hands, wondering if that was it. Wondering how could he fail so hard at the one thing that was more important to him.

---

Took him 40 agonizing minutes to get out of that room. But at some point, he realized that he just couldn't do that anymore. He wanted you back. He needed you back. Your laugh, your passion, your strength, your touch. He couldn't keep hoping everything would go back to how it was. He had to earn it. And it if was too late... he had to let you go. Seeing you suffer like that was destroying him.

He walked downstairs and saw you in the living room, sitting on the rug, back against the sofa. Leo was peaceful asleep with his head on your lap. Jake approached slowly, trying not to startle any of you. You felt his presence, but didn't do anything about it. Didn't look in his direction or wiped the tears from your face. He deserved to see them.

"Y/N..." He sighed, sitting beside you on the floor.

"I'm fine, doesn't matter." You said bitterly.

He knew he would have to choose his words carefully. You weren't open for him. He needed to pave his way in.

"He always does that." He said, pointing at Leo. "He can't stand to see you cry... he'll rush to you, protect you. Even with all this space to play he..."

"I know." You interrupted him.

"I should learn from him, shouldn't I?" He admitted sadly.

"But you have all this space to play." You shrugged. "Paris. Milan. LA. All on the same week."

"Y/N, I know I've been the worst. I know I've been making a thousand mistakes..." He closed his eyes, feeling guilt consume him. "But I swear I never even looked at another woman."

"It's a matter of time." Was all you could say. "All those gorgeous costars. Models everywhere. All dying for just one night... and that would be perfect, wouldn't it? A body a thousand times better than mine and no feelings attached. You can just leave them like you did to me, except that no one will whine about it. You won't have to waste your precious time doing something like this to keep them quiet."

"Don't say that..." Those were probably the worst words ever directed to him. "I don't want that. I don't want any of that. I want all the feelings I only ever felt with you. I want to come home to you."

"But you just don't." You shrugged. "You left one day and never came back to me. I am still here, waiting for you. But you never come back..."

"No, Y/N... I never left, I promise you..." He rested his hand on top of yours and it felt like the first time in weeks you had any kind of physical contact. "The man I truly am could never leave your side. But he's just... lost inside me somewhere. I... I buried him too deep while I was trying to be the actor, the professional, the face people wanted to see and I... I just couldn't find him anymore."

"I hope it was worth it." You gave him the saddest smile.

No, those were the worst words ever directed to him.

You gently moved Leo's head so you could stand up. The poor dog was too exhausted from running, so he just adjusted himself on the rug and went back to sleep. You turned your back to Jake.

Only this time he wasn't going to let you leave.

You felt strong hands gripping your arms from behind and let out a gasp as he pushed your body against his.

"No, it wasn't fucking worth it." He grunted. His hands were shaking. "And I've learnt my fucking lesson. I'm going to dig as deep as I have to, but I'll bring him back to you, if you'll have him."

"Let me go." You tried to free yourself from his grip, but you couldn't. Maybe you didn't try that hard. Maybe you were just testing if he would put up a fight.

"I'm not letting you go. Ever." He didn't mean physically. The look in his eyes as his face was now dangerously close to yours indicated that.

"How can I trust you?" You begged internally for him not to kiss you, because if he did, you would believe every word he said.

"Because I've already started digging." He told you. "This house... when I decided to bring you here... I needed to be alone with you. Away from everything. Somewhere people don't expect anything from me."

"Right. Very nice, we spend a nice holiday fucking like rabbits once every six months..." You said sarcastically. "Then we go back to our life in New York, where it all goes to shit again. Then we come back here and it's wonderful... a never ending cycle. Seems like hell to me."

"No, baby..." His voice grew more desperate. "It's never gonna be like that again. Never. Nothing changes when we go to New York. This place is just... somewhere to run away to when it gets overwhelming."

"Jake." You kept your head high and spoke firmly. "I need you to be husband when things are hard and overwhelming, not only when everything is peaceful and quiet. I am not going to escape. I have to face a lot of shit every single day and every single day I choose to be by your side. You better do the same for me."

It was like slapping him on the face. But it made him love you more than ever. You were so brave.

"I just feel so undeserving of you all the damn time." He admitted, bringing one hand to your cheek. "Exactly because you have to face a lot of shit and it's my fault. I thought... I thought I was protecting you by pushing you away, then... then I thought I could protect you by taking you somewhere far away from all that but... but you're right. I fucked up terribly. I'm protecting you from everything but me, and I ended up hurting you the most."

"Jake..." Your heart was heavy. Maybe you were a bit hard on him... he was confused and filled with good intentions. But how could you solve anything without being rough when he built a brick wall between you?

"I will never be able to tell you how fucking sorry I am. How fucking stupid I feel." He admitted, tears filling his eyes. "I will understand if I'm not the man you need. Fuck, I know I'm not the man you deserve, but..."

"Jacob." You cut him, and he was ready for you to hurt him. "Kiss me."

He cursed under his breath. He was so divided... he didn't feel like he deserved to ever feel your lips again. But God, how he wanted to.

The moment his lips were on yours, you were filled with hope. It still felt the same. It still felt like home. And if you could bring home to this place miles away, you could take the peace that flooded the little cottage all the way back home.

But hope wasn't the only thing the kiss ignited in you. As it got deeper, Jake's hands wrapped around your body and squeezed you like you were going to disappear. Like this was all a dream and he would go mad if he woke up. The way his body felt against yours brought memories from those happy times, when the two of you were never not in contact. And you needed it back, even if only for a few hours.

Jake felt the exact same way, but he was scared to make a move and ruin everything. So he waited for you to give him a sign. And when you bit his bottom lip, letting out a moan as your hand gripped on his hair... he understood that as a sign.

The two of you were physically incapable of letting go of each other as you walked upstairs. You were desperated, yes, but this wasn't a matter for a quickie on the sofa or against a wall. Jake felt the absolute need to worship you and nothing less. Take his sweet time, even if he never got to cum that night.

He laid you on the bed and you looked at him a little less sure now. He knew that look. You were feeling insecure. A lot had changed since your honeymoon phase and that included your body. But not only that, you were distant for so long, what if something went wrong? What if the sex was terrible and you realize you lost the connection... would that be the end?

"Jake, maybe I..." You tried to find a good excuse to stop it.

"We don't have to, if you're not comfortable." He assured you. "I'll understand it."

"But..." The thought of not having him on that moment seemed more terrifying. You craved him badly, body and soul. "But I want you so bad..."

"I want you too." He felt his heart flutter and got really emotional again. "So badly. But I can stop at any moment if you need me to, okay?"

You nodded. You seemed a little more confident now, but he decided to take things very slow anyway, to make sure everything would be perfect. He knew your body better than his own and he would trust your little signs.

His kisses on your neck had you pressing your thighs together, and that was his sign to start undressing you.

He took his time. Every time a piece of clothing was discharged, he would run his fingers and spread kisses all over the newly exposed skin. He was going to apologize to every single inch of you.

"What did you say earlier about a body a thousand times better than yours? Like that's even possible..." He smirked. You hadn't changed your mind, but the look on his face made it very clear that he didn't agree with you. The look on his face made it very clear that you were a goddess in his eyes. That he was as in love with you now as he was when he saw you walk down the aisle.

He stopped just to look at you for a moment. He couldn't believe he was that lucky and he almost lost you.

"Hmm... Jake?" You moaned impatiently.

"Shhh... gonna take care of you, my sweet angel." His eyes shined from the tears he wasn't allowing to fall. "Gonna be the husband you deserve from now on, okay? Promise you..."

His hands ran down the sides of your body as he worshiped your breasts with his mouth, whispering "I promise you" over and over again.

He spread open mouth kisses all the way down your belly as he removed your panties.

"You're a fucking goddess, look at you..." The way he was adoring you didn't give your insecurities any time to speak.

He grabbed your thighs like his life depended on it. When he got his mouth on you, you remember just how much that man loved eating pussy. And by how eager he seemed, he probably remembered it at that moment as well. By the obscene noises he made. How long had it been? How long since you last felt his tongue enter you and explore your walls until your hips bucked messily against his face? How long since he last sucked your clit until your eyes rolled back like now... how long since you came that embarrassingly quick?

"Jake... please..." You tried to sit down and push his head away, painfully sensitive, but he wasn't moving.

He wasn't moving at all. He wasn't stimulating you anymore, he just kept his face pressed against your pussy as he hugged your thighs. God, he never wanted to leave that place.

"Jake, come here, baby, come here..." You called. His red eyes met your gaze. He was a mess. Tears mixed with your wetness on his face.

He was heartbreakingly yours at that moment.

He was more yours now than the moment you placed that golden ring on his finger... one he was so proud of, he didn't even want to play single characters in movies anymore, just so he didn't have to take it off.

You had to insist very much before he was brave enough to lose contact with you, even if it only lasted a few seconds until he was laying on top of you.

Your hands went to his face, half caressing him, half cleaning that mess. His eyes were so soft it hurt.

"Can I kiss you?" He murmured, barely able to make a sound.

"Right now and everyday, for the rest of our lives. Forever." You smiled at him.

He didn't waste a second, for he had already wasted too much time. His lips met yours and it was like the kiss could tell you how he felt better than his words could. He was so angry with himself. His hungry kiss, the way he desperately ate you out before, everything, every touch asked for your forgiveness, begged for all the things he craved, even though he felt deeply undeserving.

You hated it. That man, whose lips tasted like you, wasn't the man who abandoned you. That man was dead. Died of a heartbreak, right there on that bed. Now you needed your Jake back. And on that very same bed, you'd find him.

"Jake..." You moaned against his lips. "Need you to make sweet love to me, baby..."

He was obviously already rock hard from eating you out earlier, but hearing you say that absolutely broke him.

You watched him undress fully, he needed as much skin contact with you as possible, and you surely wouldn't complain about it. Jake's body has always been mindblowing, but his latest roles had demanded him to work out a lot... your eyes widened as you saw his defined abdomen. You kinda regretted having asked for sweet sex for a minute after seeing his physique, you felt like you needed him to ruin you. Nasty and loud. But the sweet look in his eyes showed you that was far from what he needed now, and you decided to wait. After all... there would be plenty of opportunities to have him however you wanted if he keeps his promise. And when you saw him remove his underwear, thick cock hitting his abdomen... his hands were very big, but didn't make his cock seem any less intimidating as he stroked himself. On that moment you were grateful for taking things slow.

He pushed the tip inside you, eyes on yours the entire time, to make sure you were okay. He saw you furrow your eyebrows and slowed down... then you let out a moan of pain, and he stopped.

"Baby?" His hand went to your cheek, caressing it lovingly.

"It's just been a while." You explained, but quickly added more words before he could get sad for not satisfying you for so long. "But I can take it... remember?"

"I remember." He chuckled. "I thought about it everytime I was away... all the things we did... hold on, baby, I'm almost all the way in..."

You nodded and took a deep breath.

He hit a spot so deep that got you arching your back before he even started moving.

"The things we did..." You smiled at him. "The things we're still going to do..."

"Yeah?" He smirked, giving you one experimental thrust, checking if you were adjusting to his size. "Tell me about them. What do you want me to do to you, honey?"

"Hmm..." You thought about it for a second. You didn't want to tell him what you were thinking minutes ago...

"Come on, pretty girl, don't get all shy now." He chuckled, keeping his hips moving very very slowly. "Tell me what's on your mind. I'll do whatever you want."

"Well... maybe... maybe some other time I... would like it rough." You admitted. It was ridiculous to be so shy at that point, when he was burried deep inside you. But you were coming from months of avoiding saying the wrong thing.

"Rough?" He repeated, his mouth going towards your neck, giving you small kisses, giving you shivers as he spoke close to your ear. "Too vague, baby, you can do better than that."

Oh? When did he go from begging for forgiveness to teasing? He was getting bold. Bold like your Jake was.

His dirty talk made you wetter and prepared for him to speed up his thrusts a bit.

"Fuck..." You wrapped your legs around him, keeping him close. "Want you to fuck me stupid from behind... don't wanna be able to walk... want..."

You got interrupted by a loud slap on your thigh. It didn't exactly hurt, but you weren't expecting it... you looked at him wide-eyed.

"Sorry, fuck..." He shut his eyes, hands gripping on the sheets on both side of your head until his knuckles went white. "You're driving me crazy, I don't want to lose control."

"Why?" You moaned as he started going a bit faster.

"Cause you asked me to make sweet love to you." He smiled. Something about his dimples when he smiled... "And I really really want to."

"Well, I..." You tried to argue, but he wasn't having it.

"Don't worry, sweetheart." He burried his face on the crook of your neck again, proceeding to go deeper inside you as he did. "We have all the time in the world. Hope you got enough sleep these last months... cause you won't get any tonight. Fuck, maybe not even tomorrow..."

"Jake..." You moaned. "It's still sweet love if you go a little faster..."

"Eager little brat." He shook his head. "Want another slap?"

"Yes..." You smirked.

"Yes?" He raised his eyebrows.

"You said whatever I want." You gave him a pleading look.

He meant it, he would do anything for you. Specially if it didn't envolve leaving that bed. So he gave your thigh another slap. You gasped, but looked at him with pure lust in your eyes.

And that did it for him. He had to go faster now. When he finally did, he got lost in pleasure, lost in you. Fuck, it had been a while and you felt so fucking good. The room was filled by moans and grunts and skin slapping. The pace was wild, but the looks you exchanged... the way his hands squeezed yours... that was sweet, sweet love making.

"Jake! Fuck..." You shut your eyes hard, feeling you were getting close again. "I'm gonna..."

"Y/N, look at me." He rested his forehead on yours, never stopping.

You tried your best to hold it. You opened your eyes and looked at him quite desperate. You thought it was one of those 'look at me while you cum' moments, but...

"I love you." He said. "I fucking love you... always have..."

"Jake..."

"Loved you every single day since I first saw you." His movements indicated he was close too. "Will love you til the day I die..."

"I... I love you too, Jakey, love you so much..." You replied, tears in your eyes both from hearing those words you hadn't heard in so long, and from trying to hold the orgasm that was dangerously close to burst.

"Fuck, baby, cum for me, I know you need it..." He smiled, heart melting at your words, he was dying to give you the best orgasm of your life, he didn't even care about his own, and God, he was close. "Let go for me, want you to cum so good, baby..."

The thing is that you would also do anything for him. You came. Hard. Loudly. Screaming his name. The freedom, the relief you felt... it was your second orgasm of the night, but it felt different with him inside you. It felt different because you barely came down from your high and you felt his cock throbbing painfully, until he spilled himself inside of you. So much you felt like it would leak out of you for days. And you weren't even sure if he enjoyed it fully, because he was so busy admiring you.

He pulled out way to soon for your liking. But he just didn't want to waste time... he needed to kiss all over your body.

"Hey!" You chuckled, feeling too overstimulated for that. "I know we're not sleeping tonight, but I could use a break..."

"Fine." He sighed, laying down beside you. "Listen, I'm really sorry, I..."

"It's fine. Let's move on, okay?" You got closer, resting your head on his strong chest. "I forgive you."

"Thank you... you're wonderful, did you know that?" He wrapped his arms around you.

"You're wonderful too." You assured him, running your fingers through his abdomen. "Taking your time to fix things. Admitting your mistakes. Bringing me here. Mindblowing sex. The dinner you're about to cook..."

"Oh, am I?" He left out a laugh.

"Whatever I want." You shrugged. "50 years from now I'll still be using your words against you."

The idea of you being an old couple teasing each other brought him the warmest feeling ever. He promised himself he would work hard for it.

"God, I hope you are." He kissed the top of your head. "I hope you are."

---💚---

[yaekiss]

if u were a soup what kind of soup would u be.

if I were a soup I think I’d be sun roasted tomato soup. While I’ve never tasted it, I do feel like the the descriptors “sun roasted” and “tomato” fit me quite well; I feel like both of those things very often given how much the sun hates me and the average redness of my face. There also used to be a bread bar at that popular pizza place in town (they got rid of it during the pandemic) which had a sun roasted tomato butter which I loved a lot. The golden orange colour was nice. I liked it a lot. I miss that bread bar.

🪻 anon should also answer this if want.

That is a tough tough question you've left for me, Ainsel dearest. Tbh if I were a soup I'd be......... a nice good ol' hearty lotus root and pork rib soup (lian ou pai gu tang/莲藕排骨汤) ! The rest is utc because I yapped LOL

I might be biased coz my grandma used to cook a really really good version of this soup but I think it matches me well enough? It's a simple soup, the overall flavour isn't too heavy, the soup is soothing and warm and slightly sweet, and it pairs well with a variety of dishes o7 I think it matches somewhat with how I carry myself around people in my day to day life,, if that makes sense LMFAOOOOO

SUN ROASTED TOMATO SOUP!!!! I think it's a good soup match for you, you've always been nice and you always seem so warm whenever we talk 👍 also sun roasted tomato butter sounds so good... I need to make some asap omg where do I even find sun roasted tomatoes........ hearing u talk about that bread bar makes me wish I could've tried it... bread... [forlorn sigh]

🪻 NONNIE!!!!! we need your soup match (if you want to share of course!)

was also tempted to say that I could be the spicy sour soup that you can get at Din Tai Fung (suan la tang/酸辣汤) but that's kind of just because I was drawn to the tangy flavour but couldn't figure out how it fits me.

[nachosncheezies]

🥺🛒✨👀💞

So many questions! :D For this ask game!

🥺 Is there a certain type of moment or common interaction between your characters that never fails to put you in your feels?

As a writer I will often take whatever fraught thing canon has done and beat the blorbos over the head with it, which is very feels-provoking AND FUN if I do it right. Also the entire subject of death. Fave characters talking (or not talking) about their mortality, acknowledging that one or the other isn't gonna be there forever. Those get me. I've only actually killed someone once, but canon did it first, so really I was just rolling with it 😉

🛒 What are some common things you incorporate in your fics? Themes, feels, scenes, imagery, etc.

Angst and introspection are kind of my bread and butter. I'm hoping to expand that list soon... with most of my current WIPs, I'm trying to work more on dialogue and action, and with my txf season 8 series and my blindspot epilogues, I'm also trying to work in more fluff and humor.

✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉

Well I complimented my writing over here... so for me? Things have been rough since the pandemic, but I am still alive and finding reasons to laugh sometimes, which under the circumstances I think is pretty cool of me tbh! self-five 🙌

👀 Tell me about an up and coming wip please!

Well, I mentioned the other day I've been working on extra scenes and stuff for txf season 8. Some are tense or pure angst, some are fun; it goes back and forth, much like Mulder's moods seem to on screen. Two steps forward, one back I guess you could say, and repeat. I talked a bit about my "five words" scenes that follow Three Words, and that one's very angsty. So here's an excerpt from something fluffier, around Essence:

"Sink's a bit small for a bubble bath," he quipped, finding her almost up to her elbows in sudsy water, the cuffs of her yellow vinyl gloves barely peeking over the foam. Scully looked chagrined as he sidled up to the other end of the counter.

"I let the chores get away from me," she said. "You would think being on leave would give me more time for these things, but somehow I feel busier than ever. Mom's coming over first thing tomorrow."

"Baby shower?" he asked, and she nodded. He looked around to find a towel and started drying the clean dishes she’d already set aside. "I was never clear, is this the traditional pastel-colored celebration of impending motherhood, or a more literal, meteorological phenomenon? Because if it's the latter, you should call Agent Doggett. He might learn something."

Scully grinned. "I don't think there's an X-File to be found in this one."

"No? No flying infants? What about amphibians? Livestock?"

She gave him a wry glance. "There won't be any sleeping bags, either. The only aerial phenomena I'm expecting are balloons. Mom has been badgering me about whether to order pink or blue... I think she's settled on both."

"A room full of women and now balloons? Scully, I hate to sound the skeptic, but are you sure about this? Things could get out of hand."

💞 Who's your comfort character?

Sometimes Scully. Sometimes Roman or Jane Doe from Blindspot. Sometimes the gaang from avatar the last airbender. Always Luke and Leia. 💕

[hlizr50]

Is this fic titled in such a way to troll people on the internet who don't have anything better to do than look at the content for ships they don't like and then whine about it?

Maybe.

But you should still read it, because it's super adorable.

At the end of the day, no one character or group owns and phrase or items or words. Have fun, create content that you want to see, and enjoy living rent-free in your enemies' heads.

Bread and Roses

When the pandemic hits, Gwyn finds herself with a lot of free time. So she - like so many others - hopped in on the sourdough craze. Only problem? She's not good at it.

Read on AO3

“Ugh! Come on!” A shrill, exasperated voice drifted through the thin sliver between the door and its frame. A chuckle shook Azriel’s shoulders as he pulled the readers from his face and rolled his chair back from his desk.

“Babe?” he called. “Everything okay?” The silence didn’t break under a huffed reassurance or a squeaked, innocent ‘Everything is fine!’. His dark brows furrowed, but as he prepared to check again his door burst open.

God, she was so fucking cute.

The dark-haired man leaned back into his office chair, taking her in from head to toe. Copper strands flew in all directions, bursting haphazardly from the messiest bun he’d seen to date, with fine little flyaways framing her flushed face. Gwyn’s ocean eyes were glittering with barely-leashed rage - quite a strong emotion for what he could only assume was yet another bread baking mishap - that ire flashing above cheeks splotched with bronze speckles and rosy frustration, bottom lip pursed in a pout.

Colorful spines on a bookshelf lined her apron, the titles blurred by flour and sugar, but he barely got a chance to appreciate the way it cinched at her waist as she tossed a golden brown… rock… down onto the beige carpet of his office. Azriel tried not to laugh - he really, really did - as his eyes darted from the “loaf” on his floor to his girlfriend, who had crossed her arms over her chest, clearly offended that the bread had dared to become… whatever this was. But his shoulders shook, the mirth desperate to leave his body if not through his mouth, which he’d covered with his palm.

“It’s not funny!” Gwyn stomped, arms lowering to her sides with fisted hands. “I just don’t get it! I don’t know why I can’t get it to work!”

Like many others during the pandemic, his lovable librarian had found herself with a sudden abundance of free time. With her workplace shut down, and with only so much she could do remotely, Gwyn had decided to join in on the bread-making boom that had swept through social media, and with her trusty iPad, YouTube, and hours of freedom, she embarked on the journey.

It had not worked out well.

Gwyneth Berdara was a woman who excelled at everything she tried, a testament to her determination and cleverness. But the baking had always bested her, and the towering software developer secretly hoped that maybe this would be the straw that broke the camel’s back.

His hazel eyes drifted down to the sad mishap that now adorned the carpet.

“Did you let it rest long enough, baby?” When their gazes met she was chewing on that pouting lower lip, and Azriel found himself wanting to nibble on it, himself.

“I… let it rest longer than last time,” she answered with a timid voice, like a child who had to admit that she hadn’t followed directions. His lips tilted up as he shook his head, but he opened his arms to beckon her to him. She stepped into him, her knees between his, and his hands found her hips. He shifted them gently, playfully making her body twist in an unwilling dance.

“Maybe we can find you a new hobby,” he offered as her fingers wove together behind his neck. With a quick jerk of his chin he pecked a kiss upon the inside of her elbow. “I love you, but I don’t think the baking thing is working out.” The redhead huffed, blowing tendrils of copper away from her face.

“I hate it when you’re right,” she muttered, and he responded with a rakish grin. Gwyn rolled her eyes, but bent down to press her lips against his. “I’m going to go clean up the kitchen, then maybe order some dinner? Maybe Chinese? Unless you want to cook? I don’t even want to think about spending more time in that godforsaken kitchen right now.” With another soft laugh Azriel palmed her nape, bringing her lips back to his, this kiss much more languid and sensual.

“Takeout sounds great, baby, thank you,” he whispered, reveling in the blush that bloomed over her cheeks. With a sweet little grin that outshined the sun she pulled back. Then she retrieved the rock-like attempt at bread and strode out the door.

Azriel’s focus remained on where her form had disappeared down the hall, until the clinking of dishes rattled him out of his reverie. With an idea and a smirk, he wheeled back to his computer and opened a new browser window.

~~~

The Next Day

“What’s this?”

Azriel had just managed to get the delivered bouquet into a vase when Gwyn pranced into the kitchen, a dozen blush roses with a little card.

“Just a little pick-me-up. I know you were a little upset yesterday,” he answered, feeling heat rise to his face. But his chest squeezed when her eyes widened, a great, beaming smile spreading her lips.

“Az. They’re beautiful! You are so sweet!” Bounding around the kitchen island, she flung her arms around him, his hands curving around her back to keep them steady. After a tight squeeze and a swift peck on his cheek, she stepped back and turned her attention to the flowers. With a delighted squeal she plucked the little card from the arrangement. “Is this safe for work?” she crooned, arching an auburn brow at him. The corner of Azriel’s mouth tipped up in a secretive grin.

“I suppose you’ll just have to read it and see.”

She ripped into it - Gwyn was never the type to be considerate of paper and neatness when it came to gifts and cards - and slipped the little sheet from its confines.

“My dearest Gwyn,” she stared, casting an adoring look toward him before continuing. “I’m sorry the bread baking never worked out. I know it’s hard to understand that you cannot, in fact, be perfect at everything, but I am here to support you always. I ‘loaf’ you no matter what.” She snorted, and her next look was not nearly so loving.

“P.S. I threw away your sourdough starter last night. Please stop, for the love of God.” With narrowed eyes she turned back to him and threw the tiny card at him. Or, in his general direction, as it did not have the weight to fly any distance at all. Azriel laughed, amusement rumbling from his chest. Ignoring the card that was now fluttering to the floor, he snatched her up into his embrace, forcing her into a hug.

“You’re such a jerk!” she screeched halfheartedly, pushing against his chest. He dipped his chin, but she turned away to avoid his kiss. It didn’t matter to him - he would plant his lips on whatever skin they could find. Until her unconvincing protests turned into giggles and she finally let him have her mouth. Her kiss lit a fire within him - it always did - and he knew that it would always be that way. She was love and light and magic, and he could never get enough.

“I love you, Gwyn,” he murmured against her lips, stealing her smile and letting it seep deep into his soul. The next brush of her lips was timid, beseeching, a request for more. Her gaze was as deep as the sea, the glittering annoyance having transformed into something far more enticing. Azriel answered in kind, claiming her mouth and parting her lips with his tongue. His hands drifted down her back, over the swell of her ass, and she wrapped her legs around him as soon as his fingers had brushed the back of her thighs.

And then he was carrying her to their bedroom, all thoughts of bread and roses and snarky cards forgotten.

Tag list: @trashforazriel @secretlovelybeauty @meher-sumedha @imsointobooks @flora-shadowshine @positivewitch @imwritingthesewords @camreadsum @vikingmagic33 @shisingh @gwynrielsupremacist @sagureads @deedz-thrillerkilller16 @sv0430 @writing-spaces @onemorenightdreamer @feyretale @almosttenaciousmoon @mystical-blaise @the-introverted-bibliophile @live-the-fangirl-life @silverflameataraxia @chosenfamily-valkyriequeens @rarephloxes @kimstclair @mercarimari @romancebooksandshit @headcanonheadcase @booknerd87 @damedechance @ofduskanddreams @daevastanner

[consistentsquash]

Hello Squash!!! First of all I'm a big fan of your work because it has allowed me to discover a ton of fics and meet new people ❤️❤️ second i have a small question, what do you think makes a good comment? like okay i read a chapter-fic-series and i really wanna say something to the author to convey how amazing their work is but all I can think about is -KEYSMASH- lmao I honestly do not know how else to explain the sheer happiness and delight some fics make me feel lol pls help me

Hiya!!!!! <3 <3

I am the worst commenter! But I love commenting now. It was something I really hated/stressed about forever.

So! I was lurking for like two decades and didn't comment on anything. I mean sometimes I commented on LJ or AO3 with anon but I was in general feeling really underqualified because it felt like people wrote really insightful comments and a lot of the commenters were writers themselves.

Pandemic got lots of people to do crazy things at home. Like baking bread or learning the ukulele or whatever! For whatever reason my crazy thing was commenting on fic! I did a whole list of Qs before commenting on fic like a crazy person because I was that insecure and stressed out. Does the author reply to comments? Are they replying to keysmash comments? Are they really encouraging in the comments? Generally I went for commenting on authors who were good at building up commenting confidence or like authors who were inactive in fandom because it felt zero stakes. I know. Overthinking it.

But my comments kind of moved from Keysmash which went for some months -> Emojis phase -> Actually quoting lines from the fic I liked for some reason -> reading other comments and finding some common vibe I also liked -> doing real comments.

I now have a default comment style! For fics I really love I copy paste lines from the fic and put lots of exclamation marks about why I loved stuff. "It's peak angst and I love it! OMG Snape + glove kink is so fire for real!" For other fics I do emojis because my comment max is around 1 comment/week because I get super tired after writing one of the copy paste ones. I am not that good at commenting on everything I am reading honestly. But I am keeping a list because I can do it during the next pandemic lockdown.

Also! Finding authors who respond great helped me a lot with my insecurity in general. If I get a reply for like 1 in 10 comments that's great for my confidence!

I love reading comments! Other people's comments have a lot of unique things which I really like reading/vibing with. Of course I can't write a comment like that but it's fun to read detailed meta comments. These are 5 of my fav comments by other folks on some fics I really love!

Some Tumblrs like longlivefeedback also have some guides. But generally I don't vibe with those because they are often written by writers expecting everybody to have the writer mindset. Which is not how it works. But lots of good ideas on those blogs!

Also!!! @usagifitz Good on you on meeting new people and getting to find new fics <3 <3 Lots of love. Hope you get to have loads of fun in fandom in 2023!!!

[evermoredeluxe]

Currently side eyeing Joe saying he did fun stuff during the pandemic with Taylor, like sourdough bread, while completely ignoring the songwriting they did together

And then her talking about the songwriting in detail, and then making a single comment about sourdough during one of the tour dates now

Sounds more and more like an unhappy/ungrateful nepo bf

see i hate the nepo bf thing because trust me, taylor can not get him roles (let alone the “ungrateful” part because even if she did help him, she was literally his partner and that’s what your loved one does for you). and i think the sourdough thing is completely coincidental. he only mentioned sourdough because they didn’t want unnecessary headlines about them and to distract from the music itself.

[too-many-rooks]

Tag people you want to get to know better

Thanks @strangesoulmates for tagging me!

Three ships (As I’m writing this out I’m realising they all have pretty similar themes, I guess I have somewhat consistent taste, this is all just reminders of humanity, enemies to lovers, trying to kill each other and excuses to cover my blorbos in blood.)

1.) Alex/Yassen

Can I be controversial and admit this one took a lot of convincing? Originally I was expecting the fandom to be more into ‘unlikely parental figure’ Yassen (which is a trope I’m an absolute sucker for.) but any way these two characters interact is interesting to me, and I’ve definitely come round to it from a perspective of this is only ‘healthy’ because it’s them and no one else can really understand them like the other can, and if it’s not ‘healthy’ it’s all dubious and quite fun. Big sucker for the (sort of one sided?) enemies to lovers, borderline obsession, as character foils of each other, with Yassen kind of representing Alex’s future and the dichotomy of like... sunshine puppy and murder kitty vibes. Then there’s the loyalty to each other before their ‘side’, different worlds and different morals but a unique understanding of each other.

(Also worth mentioning that I like Yassen with basically any Rider - I don’t see John/Yassen as anything but unhealthy hero worship/daddy issues/manipulation but that itself is still interesting, and I’m a huge sucker for Ian/Yassen, either as like an old married couple or people who have a few brief, but very intense encounters throughout their lives. I feel like there’s been a bit of a ‘Yiannaissance’ recently that I’m really enjoying. Do we have an official ship name? Yian? Iassen? Neither seem great.)

2.) Jonathon Reid/Geoffrey McCullum.

Peak different sides, enemies to lovers, vampire hunter and powerful newborn vampire in 1918 London in the grip of a pandemic, great gothic industrial vibe. I played this game obsessively during lockdown. (Can’t imagine why.) Themes of duty and purpose and humanity and horror, the game sort of rushes you into a forced romance with one of the female characters but the chemistry between these two is insane they are kind of obsessed with each other and the fight that happens when one of them tries to kill the other is just TEEMING with homoeroticism.

3.) Villanelle/Eve Polastri

First two seasons of Killing Eve are some of the best television ever created. The theatricality of the murders, and the comedy contrasted with some just devastating moments, the OUTFITS. That ending really took the wind out of my sails with this one and kind of spoiled it for me but what was there with the themes of mutual obsession, both trying to kill each other, Villanelle drawing out this dark side of Eve that has always been there, Eve drawing out this humanity that also been in Villanelle, just the whole vibe of being the only people in the world who could possibly understand the other properly and hating that so much you try and kill each other before realising they can’t be apart.

First Ship - I think the first one I really went insane for was Morrigan/Warden from DA:O. Morrigan helped me realise I was a lesbian I was so in love with her. Still am tbh.

Last song - ‘King’ by Florence + the Machine, I went to her concert this week and she ran right past me it was amazing.

Last Movie - finally got round to watching Everything Everywhere All at Once, so incredible!

Currently reading - chapter 3 of ‘The Viking Diaspora’ by Judith Jesch for my seminar tomorrow. (I really want to read more novels this year!)

Currently watching - His Dark Materials, interspersed with weird niche YouTube video essays, and mildly embarrassing amounts of Bluey.

Currently consuming: last thing I ate was some cinnamon raisin bread with one of the fancy jams I got in the jam advent calendar I bought myself. Now I need to figure out where I can find pineapple and yuzu jam bc I want to eat it forever.

Currently craving: supermarket bakery chocolate chip cookies, and some sweet and spicy fried chicken.

Tagging @countessrivers and whoever else fancies!

[name-de-plume]

One Random Thing to Be Thankful For Because It’s January and You Should Try to Start the Year Off With Some Positivity

1. When a pandemic affecting the whole world possibly could have been solved already if people just followed directions and stayed home and wore masks but they didn’t so it’s still not questioned when you don’t really want to be around people.

2. When your toast is fresh-out-of-the-toaster hot and your butter isn’t fresh-out-of-the-fridge cold so immediately melts and your toast becomes soggy-crunchy.

3. When you’re really lathered up, like so extra lathered you look like the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man and when you rinse off it makes that thick splashing sound when it crashed against the shower floor.

4. When you say you’re not feeling like yourself and no one suggests you just cheer up or go outside.

5. When tree shaped candy goes on sale just because it’s tree-shaped but otherwise tastes exactly the same as the not tree-shaped varieties.

6. When there’s an 11th in your 12 piece nugget.

7. When you randomly bump into someone you remember from high school who was a grade or two below you and so much more popular and now they have gray hair and you don’t, as improbable as that may seem.

8. When the instructions are unclear so you tie the knots incorrectly and when they’re tested with the full brunt of your weight, you flop heavy to the floor like lather in a shower and you have some rope burn around your neck but thankfully it’s just rope burn and you’re still here to feel it.

9. When there’s still bread to make more toast.

10. When you realize what you thought was a spider crawling on you was just a stray hair or thread because you actually like spiders--they take care of mosquitoes and other pests--but, also, your body is off limits and you would’ve hated to squish the poor thing for trespassing.

11. When the Jehovah’s Witnesses at your door don’t knock a second time even though you’re obviously home because you just yelled obscenities at the top of your lungs as you stubbed your toe against the bookcase trying to jump out of sight of the crack in the curtains.

12. When you jolt awake from a bad dream and realize it was only a silly dream but also it’s your day off and you don’t have to go work even though you weren’t going to anyway, just now you don’t have to take that financial hit.

13. When you’re watching a home renovation show and the freshly remodeled house isn’t decorated in inspiration word art.

14. When you step on the scale and it’s very evident that maybe you’ve purchased too much tree-shaped chocolate but your favorite pair of jeans still fit like you haven’t gained a single gram so why not celebrate with some chocolate.

15. When you lay your freshly shaved face against freshly washed pillow cases.

16. When you don’t really want to talk to anyone but someone calls to check in on you and it’s not your mother but also when it’s your mother because you thought everyone in the world forgot about you.

17. When you sit down in January to write just one single good thing, worried that will be difficult enough, but you made it this far. You made it this far.

[mountainstogo]

Could you share some of your workouts or food plans? You look so strong and healthy, and I'm trying to get back into fitness at 25. Getting enough protein is so hard!

Sure! I’ve been trying to lose weight for a very very long time but wasn’t successful until about 1.5years ago.

What worked for me is when the pandemic shut gyms down I went out and bought a fitness video game (ring fit for the switch), I also started sleeping in my workout clothes. It made it easy to wake up and convince myself to just play one level (about 10mins) and often once I started I kept going for much longer.

Eventually the video game wasn’t enough so now I use it as a warm up for about 15ish mins and then do a 30-45min workout session. My workouts are super basic, I have a set of light weights and resistance bands and I do a lot of push ups, sit ups, squats, etc. I have ADHD so I play my fav jams and sometimes I just end up jumping/dancing around with light weights. I focus on having fun and keeping my heart rate up. I did also buy an indoor trampoline (50$ on Amazon) and that is both fun and gets my heart going! Having fun has been life changing for me, I could never stick to the structured gym workouts but I love my home workouts so much I don’t need to rely on motivation anymore and that has kept me consistent and lead to results. I also love playing outside so I aim for 4-5 workouts a week and 1-2 ski/run/hikes per week.

Food wise I could be better 😅 I’m a vegetarian and getting enough protein in is SO hard. I eat a lot of eggs and sneak protein powder in wherever I can. I love sweets and baking and I put protein powder in everything from banana bread to my recent obsession - homemade rice crispies. I try to eat mostly wholesome, non-processed ingredients but I also have dessert every night. Again, consistency has been key, before when I used to restrict I would inevitably end up binging. Now that I allow myself a treat every night I don’t obsess over sweet as much.

Sorry this was so long! My biggest advice is find something you enjoy doing. You’re never going to be consistent at the gym if you hate going to the gym. Good luck!!

[einprotagonist]

Charlie is not just a pet dog ❣️

I still remember it, TedTheStoner put up a story on Instagram for adoption of a street dog which was being taken care by a couple of friends. I always wanted to have a dog, I always loved to be around them but the social norm is to shop for a foreign breed while overlooking the lovely ones born around us.

It was December of 2020, world was struggling from the aftermath of a pandemic and I'd left my job at the end of August because it involved extensive travelling while not paying enough for my required monthly expenses. I was evaluating life and trying to see what strikes a better balance. Everything was just up in the air at home too - too frantic, too disturbed, everyone of us too distanced from each other.

Sister hating our dad because she doesn't understand what he does for the family or her and with no clear future image of herself or her career. Mother hating father because there is no love and he cannot provide for some of the luxuries of which she thought she should have at this point in life after serving the home and family for years. Father not being able to find love in anyone at home, feeling like that he has been working 25 years of his life - constantly going to work without sick leaves or holidays to bring bread & shelter for us only to hear that its not good enough, only to see that nobody meets him when he comes back home. He came home every evening, mom would give him sweets and water, she'll go to kitchen to prepare food and he would bath & wash his own clothes then spent hours on phone talking to work related people, had dinner, me or sister would gently massage his legs as he fell asleep. Everyday. Same problems for all of them. Going on since years.

I'd come back home and started living with them since April, I was away for a long long time from all of them - for studies and then for my first job, more than 7 years. Covid forced us to live together, I got to see how hollow my once beloved home now felt and had become same for others. Only that they'd seen the same thing everyday so were probably used to the slow process day by day. But it came to me as a semi-shock. I wanted to do something that would bring everyone together, bring love back into the family. I had no idea what to do. I was jobless and unable to solve the financial stresses which became the root cause of most of problems. I felt as if everybody had lost the meaning of life and is just a stuck in a robotic time loop doing same chores everyday without a hope, a goal or a destination.

That's when I saw this story on instagram, I contacted the guy and we arranged for me to see the puppy named 'Dadu' next day. This little one was estranged from his litter and parents. On my visit to meet Dadu, he seemed very docile, shy and silent. Sitting quietly on the small rug in the space provided to him, side-glancing me. He was so cute, I talked to the person and he enquired about me & family. His concern was that people abandon the dogs after a couple of days - once they are done playing and the real work & life with pet hits them. Perhaps I felt genuine enough to him and then he allowed me to take Dadu home with me, gave me his leash and some treats to get started while I get my own supplies.

Reached home, mom and sister extremely excited while dad was still in office. Mom and sister both love dogs as much as I did, they were very happy and playing, they too always wanted to have one as a pet. Dad returned home from office in evening and saw him in a corner of the house we were then living in. Before I could say anything, mom told him that the dog will stay for few days as its my friend's who is out of town for some work. I named him 'Budhdhu' (meaning dumbo but in a cute manner) as it is a name which has old family heritage attached to it from our village - dad's family named their male cows by this name back in the days of his childhood. My purpose was to make my father see him with a soft corner immediately. He smiled and petted him and moved on to his chores.

Two days later my dad had got the idea that the pup was here to stay and he did not like this, it was unhygienic and his hair would fall everywhere spreading the pathogens that he brings from outside and rubs onto his own body and he licks himself and licks other stuff then. Massive fights and arguments broke out in home, everyone versus dad. He said he'd leave Budhdhu on roof and wont be allowed to sleep in the home because thats what dogs are for, to guard us from outside our rooms. I could not accept it, I gave up. That little innocent being was meant to be loved and I could not let him sleep there in freezing cold temperatures of Lucknow which can drop down to 2-4 Celsius. I decided to pick him up and take him back to the guy whom I got him from. I cried all the way and came back & kept crying without anyone noticing. Mom and sister cried in a noticeable fashion. Mom said to me, this is how your father is - heartless. She said accept it and move on. We all were crying and sad for a whole day - non stop.

Father saw them both and my sister said she misses Budhdhu, she wants him back. He called me there and said go bring him back, I didn't even put my jacket on - couldn't control crying, just grabbed keys to my scooter and drove in those cold temperatures straight to the little soul. Got him back home. Hygiene concerns were immediately solved by washing and drying his paws after every walk outside. His own towels, shampoo and what not was bought.

Dad said he didn't like the name and named him Charlie on day 2 of his return. That was it, now he had named Charlie - there was no going back. Charlie slept in same room as me. He was unknown to world, didn't understand the concept of bed, table, chair, kitchen, bathroom, anything. He was curious and would go anywhere, dad got angry whenever he did these and thats how he learned not to go to to these places. He learned where his places are and where no-go zones like kitchen are. My boy is intelligent AF.

Day 3 onwards, when dad returned from office - Charlie is the first to run to him and celebrate his return by wagging his tail and playing with him. Dad laughed as soon as he entered home, he had not done this in all the years I have known him. Atleast not in any recent memory. Mom got another kid at home, one that she could pamper and take care of as an adult - as an adult with brain and perhaps more preparedness than when me and my sister were born, both of whom she had when she was mentally very young. And sister had a companion at home, one she could play with and care about, something she could not do with me ever.

There was now a central point at home, problems still existed but everyone could go to Charlie and forget the problems. Feel the pure love that Charlie is about, he only cares for your love and he loves you in return. He never damaged shoes or other stuff, he only destroyed his own toys and bedsheets. Nobody disliked him anymore for anything. Impossible.

Fast forward only an year, by his first birthday which I'd decided to celebrate in October on a date that has coincidently been a nice one for our little family all along the years, everyone had come closer to each other as the thing called 'LOVE' was back into family just via someone else. I'd read about things like this but now I had seen this happen in front of me, my dog kid had made us a family again. Dad started asking for Charlie to be in some of the family photos too, we had all come a long way from where we were. Now dad does not seek a companion in office work once he returns home from work, he still works on things but does not do it to fill his empty hours. He works if he has to and then focuses on playing with Charlie or living life in normal ways like taking a walk outside, watching TV with family, etc.

Charlie is not a pet for me, he saved my family from splitting into parts. He is family. He is my little kid.

[jeaninthephilippines]

Heart at Home

Today was a magical day eating 3 home cooked meals, two of which I made. Like this salad we learned on Instagram:

I spent most of the time not eating by reading a history book about the fragmentation of the Philippines. Will post later, but it's written by a journalist so the rhetoric is not pretentiously academic. My mind is blown at the constant foreign occupation and the struggle for independence within the Philippines. Dare I say, a heartbreaking page turner.

Ended today singing karaoke on a little machine my mom got me before I came to take home back to Vegas. Here is the playlist:

Everything I Own - Bread

Top of the World - Carpenters

Close to You - Carpenters

Wing Beneath My Wings - Bette Midler

Leaving on a Jet Plane- Aerosmith

Oddly, they all remind me of relationship with my mother.

____

At 5am today, we went to Senior Zumba at the covered basketball courts. A couple that are very committed regulars came up to me to take a picture because I am beautiful. It makes me feel like a beloved Disney Character when they do this lol!

The husband begins to ask me about my life, my upbringing in Guam, my brother, and my family as a nurse. He thought I grew up and lost the language and I explained to him that I'd not been here in 21 years and only learned Tagalog 3 years ago (pandemic project).

He tells me how he used to hate Zumba, but his wife got diabetes and was recommended to exercise. She hesitated because she's a private person. So, he came all the time with her and now their Zumba fanatics. He's the only man in class and honestly, I wish more men loved themselves and their wives the way he does every day. They come 3 instead of 4 days because one day is reserved for dialysis visit in a faraway town that she must commute weekly for.

It's amazing the way people open to me. What a privilege to make people feel safe and heard.

___

I know today's entry is fragmented, but I am overwhelmed with reflections as I begin to train myself on daily gratitude.

Today I interviewed my Lola about her life as a pig farmer. She used to deliver pig babies 3 times a year. There would be roughly 5, 7, or 10 piglets. She would sell them about a 1,000 pesos each and her older ones for about 7,000 pesos each. She enjoyed it even if it was a lot of work. She fed them coconut and pig feed. My mom's brother maintained their pig pens and my mom had no desire to do any of that (college bound baby). While raising pigs, my Lola also sold vegetables and was a seamstress.

My mother opened up that the hardest part was knowing that the pigs would die when they go. She said it was so hard to watch. That even today when her and my Lola see a truck full of pigs they get sad knowing they will die.

I loved how this was never part of my consciousness and now it is. It's not my livelihood but I am a product of generations of hard work.

This is my Lola trying to be serious-kinda-funny when I was asking her off my google translator.

I love her so much.

[automatismoateo]

Are we(every day citizens) losing the information war? via /r/atheism

Are we(every day citizens) losing the information war? I am from the US, and im growing increasingly frustrated with the information ecosystem here. Internet, and then social media, has made "hear-say" the dominant form of conversation, the main way people hear about anything. I care about knowledge. I want to say I'm also on the spectrum and I don't really feel my emotions often and as such I think I dont I use them to make decisions or decide what's true. I value information, I'm like an information sponge, especially of physical sciences, like astronomy, anthropology, biology. There is so much information available to humans now, we almost don't know what to do with it. I believe that being properly informed of what's accurate takes too much work for people to be interested in learning. Some people have capitalized on humans temptation to binary, lazy thinking, and they are increasingly coming into power. I became interested in listening to some politics when the pandemic happened, when it seemed like everyone wanted to stop trusting well educated academics in favor of their own ideas(sometimes wild) for why things are the way they are. Conspiracy thinking is running amok, tribalist "us vs them" mentalities. I want the world to unite, is that naive of me? We are all humans, and we no longer exist in insulated communities across the globe. Theres so many humans now, the whole world is connected now whether some people want to admit it or not. I realize this is a bit of a rant, I'm doing my best to formulate what I'm trying to convey and the questions I want to ask. I'm 30 years old, I'm nervous about the possible coming change in governance. As I said I started listening during the pandemic and I pretty much landed on the blue side of things(I hate those binary labels). It just seems like the dems are a little more in line with observations about science and reason. I don't care about republican vs democrat. I see things from a human perspective. I'm nervous of the kind of charismatic strongman, cult vibes on the right. Talking to some people I know on the right, they don't seem to be able to talk about the epistemology of it. I'll try to wrap up. I've been saying, in a world of easy information and digital bread crumbs, it's harder for the bad people to get away with things. Which is why I think you should be suspicious of the people telling you don't listen to media, every institution is corrupt, just listen to me. I believe you can know what's true, you just have to be willing to do the work, interested in the learning part, not the sidesism and just feeling validated and reaffirmed. Appeals to emotion are brainwashing people. I'm sure I don't even need to mention the religious aspect of all this. I'll add I understand there's caveats to a lot of what I said. Not saying there aren't bad democrats or that I am immune to fallacies myself. I just think so many people aren't trying to be intellectually honest. So are we losing the information war? Vague question. Input how you like if you made it this far. Submitted July 20, 2024 at 12:37AM by Glum_Sport_5080 (From Reddit https://ift.tt/Jlfqh4Q)

[nyuwie]

Constantine Brothers

EPILOGUE

"Aom Beatrice Fernsby!" Beatrice heard the yelling of her stepmother, Elizabeth Whitney, as the clock struck at 6:30 AM. "You're running late young lady!" Elizabeth yelled while cooking breakfast for Beatrice and her Father.

Beatrice is from a small town in Italy, Portofino, well she was born there. Beatrice was half Filipino and Italian. Her father fell madly in love with her mother who was on a vacation in Italy. She was born on December 23, 1326. Her mother died during the pandemic called "Black Death" struck Europe, including Italy. The pandemic was among the deadliest in human history. Beatrice was 21 years old at that time. She loved her mother so much. 

 Luke Fernsby is the father of Aom Beatrice Fernsby, and the CEO of the most famous company during 1300's who was also a doctor. Luke Fernsby was completely devastated when his beloved wife, Evangalyn Fernsby, died. To the point that he wanted to commit suicide. His company went downhill. He also blamed himself for his wife's death, he tried so hard to cure the in-curable. 

After all those years her father spent being lonely and depressed a woman finally came in and sprayed delightful colors in Luke's world of depression. Elizabeth Whitney. 

Elizabeth Whitney was an ordinary lady who sells bread. Elizabeth has her own bakery where she sells her famous croissant. Elizabeth is a loving, caring, and a loyal lady. She cared and treated Beatrice as if she is her real daughter. But Beatrice refuses to replace her mother with another woman. 

"Coming!" Beatrice replied back to her stepmother. She stretched her arms and legs as the sun rays hit her face. She ran to the bathroom and brushed her teeth then took a bath later on. She wore her simple white blouse and green long skirt which her mother gave her as a present during her 18th birthday. 

-Somewhere in 1900's- 

"Benedict do you know the plague that is called the black death?" Benjamin asked his little brother. "It was so deadly that it caused more than 50 million deaths around the world!" Benjamin was so fascinated about this plague that almost may be the cost of human extinction. 

Benedict and Benjamin Constantine were brothers. They became orphans at the age of 5. Their parents passed away because of a car crash. An intended one. 

After their parents death they were both sent to an orphanage in Italy. "Mrs. Leona's Orphanage" the sign they never wanted to see in their life time ever again. 

As they grew. Benjamin grew more fascinated about the black death, while Benedict was very known as the heart rob of Italy. Benedict was more of a playboy. Benedict was a member of a mafia. A very dangerous one. Benjamin didn't know any of this as he was so focused on black death.

"Benjamin your unhealthy obsession with black death is hurting my ears, I don't want to hear another word about that pandemic that struck like centuries ago" Benedict replied with a bored tone, clearly not wanting anything to do about pandemics. 

"And Benjamin, I almost forgot. I'm going out later with Holly" 

"Yes. Do whatever you pleas" Benjamin replied while reading a book. You guessed it right! A book about the Black Death.

-At the date-

"Hey Benedict! Over here!" Holly waved at Benedict which caught Benedict's attention. 

Benedict quickly went over to the table where Holly was sitting. Holly brought 3 friends, Lean, Hildegard,  and Liliane. They were talking about time travel. It bore Benedict. 

"I never thought you loved the topic time travel Holly" Benedict said with a tint of sarcasm.

"Time travel is so fascinating-" Before Holly could even finish the sentence Benedict sprang out of the club.

"I thought he liked me" Holly said feeling upset. 

"He hates time travelling so much huh?" Liliane asked. Obviously it was rhetorical.

Holly started crying and sobbing non-stop which broke the hearts of her friends. That's why they thought of putting Benedict at the time 1300's. They weren't just any normal human being. They were someone or something from the time 1300's. They used the time machine to travel to the year 1900. 

"Holly stop crying. We will serve him his own medicine" Lean looked at Liliane and Hildegard with a smirk. They read each other's thought. Sending Benedict Constantine to the year 1300's.

"No. Don't, I love him too much to do that to him" Holly replied as she wiped her tears. 

-1300-

"Before you leave, eat breakfast first darling. Your father will be mad" Elizabeth said. Tossing Beatrice some croissants.

"You don't have to act like you completely care about me" Beatrice ignored the bread that Elizabeth tossed her, leaving it on the ground. 

"But I DO care Beatrice" 

"I DON'T! I jut wish I was born in another time and I still have my biological mother! I hate my life!" Beatrice burst out and left the house without digesting anything. She ended up walking around the park to get some fresh air and to calm down.

While she was walking around the park she saw an unusual lady who was selling some junk stuffs. She approached her. Beatrice was a brat, ever since her mother dies she became that way. She kicked all the woman's products and threw money at her. 

"Serves you right-" Before she could even finish her sentence the woman spoke.

"I see young lady that you wish to live in another world? In another time?" 

"H-How do you know that?" Beatrice was shocked and stuttered.

"Your wish is granted. But you will live alone in that world" The woman said and disappeared.

"Wait!" Before she could even reach the woman's arms, the woman already vanished.

After thinking for a while inisip niya na baka nasisiraan ng bait ang babae. She brushed off the thought of her being sent to another world in a different time and went home anyway. 

When she got home, she was greeted by her parents who was very, very worried sick about her.

"Beatrice! Your father and I was worried sick about you! Where have you been?!" sigaw ni Elizabeth kay Beatrice na puro pag-aalala ang tono. 

Beatrice looked at her Father's disappointed expression. Her father was just silent and let Elizabeth do the speaking.

"None of your business! Bakit kasi hindi nalang tayo tumira sa Pilipinas? Bakit? Father! Is it because my mother is a Filipino and living in Philippines just reminds you of her infinite love?! I miss my mother! You don't know how I feel! Yes I was born in Italy but I also want to live where MY mother was born! Please" Beatrice ran to her bedroom and cried until she eventually fell asleep.

As she was deeply asleep, she dreamt of the woman earlier. Everything the woman said came flashing back to her mind. "Your wish is granted" She suddenly woke up and was relieved that it was only just a dream.

Little did she know that the bed she was on was not her bed. She suddenly jumped out of it and immediately looked at the windows. She saw things she didn't know during 1300's. She was amazed. She was thrilled and excited. The more she knows, that this was going to be her life's worst chapter.

She ran out from the building where she was magically been put in. And went wild outside. She was very happy. Until she bumped into one of the Constantine's. Benjamin Constantine. 

"I-I'm sorry sir!" Beatrice bowed down, which surprised Benjamin.

"No need to do that miss" Benjamin gently grabbed Beatrices' arms to pull her up. 

"I'm Aom Beatrice Fernsby sir" 

"Benjamin Constantine, please don't call me sir" He shaked hands with her.

CHAPTER 1

"I have never seen you here miss" Benjamin spoke while fixing his coat.

"I-I'm new here. I'm from Italy" Beatrice said with an awkward look on her face.

"You are in Italy" Benjamin said confused. "Ah, I'm running late. I hope I could talk more. Goodbye" Benjamin waved his goodbye's to Beatrice as he ran to catch the bus.

After Benjamin left, Beatrice was left all alone. Exactly what the woman said. The far she walked, the more she realized that she was indeed in Italy, Rome. She realized that many things have changed, many buildings were built. Very different from the year 1300's. She just continued to explore and decided to ask someone what is the date. 

"Uhm hey sir! May I ask what is the date today?" She bowed again. Force of habit.

The man was quite a little confused on why she was asking "It's March 15, 1912 miss" The man finally replied.

"Took you long enough" Beatrice mumbled some words.

"Pardon?"

"Thank you!" Beatrice ran and went wild again. 

Beatrice's POV: Is this really for real?? Am I not dreaming? Am I not being delusional? I hope not! Pero bakit sa Italya pa rin? P'wede naman sa Pilipinas e. Kung nandito lang sana si Mama. Edi sana ang saya ko ngayon. Beatrice can't help but chuckle at herself.

Darkness took over the city and Beatrice didn't know where she would go. Apparently she was lost. She again has to ask somebody on how to get to a nearby hotel or maybe if they know someone hiring a maid. 

Tough luck, she couldn't find anyone she was at a deserted town. Until, black cars appeared. Men came out of the car. It was the mafias. Beatrice immediately finds a place to hide but she was too late the mafia boss already saw her. 

"A girl! Get her and bring her to me" The mafia boss ordered his men. 

Beatrice couldn't run very fast so the mafia boss' associates quickly managed to outrun her. They grabbed her arms and dragged her to the mafia boss. 

"Let go of me!" Beatrice protested but failed.

"Ah, a feisty one. I'd love to tame you" The mafia boss touched her jaw.

"D-Don't touch me!" 

The mafia boss ignored her and ordered his associates to bring her to the mansion and take her to his room.

After some time, she was dragged toward the room of the mafia boss. She kicked and protested but she was just too weak to put up a fight among those men. 

"Leave us alone" The mafia boss ordered while looking at Beatrice who was forced down the floor.

"W-Who are you?" Beatrice asked as she stands up and fixed her clothes. 

"Benedict Constantine" He smirked as she watches her fix her clothes.

Beatrices' POV: I have heard this surname before. But where? Oh Benjamin! Maybe he was one of Benjamin's brother? Or maybe I'm wrong. 

Beatrice decided not to tell anything about Benjamin afraid that she might drag Benjamin into this conflict.

"Being quiet won't help Beatrice" Benedict chuckled and leaned in on his chair watching Beatrice back off.

"How do you know my name?"

"Boring story" Benedict said with a tint of sarcasm.

"Let me leave" 

"Oh darling, you're not leaving this room a virgin" Benedict stood up from his seat and started approaching Beatrice. 

Beatrice realizes what was going to happen to her. She made a run from it and  ran toward the door, which was apparently locked. 

"N-No, no, no!" Beatrice tried to move but instead felt Benedict's body press in against her, pinning her to the door. 

"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast my little flower" Benedict whispers to her ear as he presses in more.

"A-Ah. S-Stop it. I-I can't breath" Beatrice struggled. Her hands scratching the door.

Benedict loosened a little bit. Unexpectedly, Benedict carried her in bridal style and shoved her to the bed. Beatrice back off at the very edge of the bed until she hits the wall. 

His smirk turned into a frown when he notices that she was backing away. Benedict groaned and grabbed her ankle, yanking her down to the center of the bed and then pinning her down. He glared down to Beatrice before speaking. 

"N-No!" Beatrice cried and protested. 

"You just don't get it, do you? You're mine now Beatrice. You can't run from me. I'll never let you leave" He grabbed Beatrice's chin, forcing her to look up at him and making her look him directly in the eyes. 

"You see those cuffs there sweetie? They're for you" Benedict let out a sigh, leaning down and pressing his cold lips against her neck. He began to kiss her neck, leaving light kisses across her skin and soon nibbling against it again. 

He then whispered to her ear. "You'll be in those cuffs to sleep all night. I can't have you trying to run away while I'm sleeping"

Beatrice couldn't say anything and just wanted to go back to her world. She sobbed as Benedict starts to undo her clothes. 

"W-What? N-No! Stop!" Beatrice attempted to push away Benedict's hands but this only makes Benedict furious. 

Benedict pinned her down, his grip almost enough to crush her wrists. He then put his legs in between Beatrice's legs so that she can't move. Benedict continued undressing her until she as completely exposed to him. Beatrice could do nothing but sob and cry. 

"I swear you'll enjoy this more than I will" Benedict started undoing his clothes too. 

"Please don't" Beatrice begged once again, but she struggled. 

Ilang segundo pagkatapos niya'ng magmakaawa nagulat siya at biglang may matalim na tila pumasok sakan'yang pagkababae. Dumugo at sumigaw siya. Benedict knows how much it will hurt for Beatrice since she was virgin. 

Beatrice still tried her best to protest and push Benedict away from her. She screamed for help knowing that nobody was going to hear or help her in her state, not even the maids or other men inside the mansion.

Benedict had enough of her protests and decides to pull out anyway. He put his clothes back on and went to the table where the chains were placed. He took them and walked back toward the bed having a smirk painted to his face as he sees Beatrice's shocked and horrified expression. 

Beatrice again back off while trying to cover her body with the blankets from the bed. Again, she was yanked back by Benedict causing her to fall down on the bed again. She desperately tried to push him away and kick him but this instead caused Benedict to go furious. 

Benedict growled when Beatrice tried to push him away again. He didn't care whether he has Beatrice's consent or not. He grabbed her, forcibly rolling her into her stomach, then grabbed her hands and pinned them behind her back, holding her arms in place.

"I warned you. Should I put the handcuffs now?" Benedict smirked leaning down to her ear, his breath hot against it.

Beatrice was just silent and sobbed, since there was no way she could escape this. 

 "I'll take that as a yes" 

"N-No!" She finally snapped out and tried to reject him again.

Benedict was really frustrated now. He grabbed her wrists from behind her back and held them in one hand. With the other hand, he grabbed the pair of handcuffs and handcuffed her to the bed frame. Beatrice was now handcuffed to bed and she was helpless to get out or get away from him. 

"S-Stop...I- I want to go home" She begged.

He leaned down, his face inches away from hers as he smirked. He was enjoying this, seeing her so helpless and defenseless was appealing to him. He then got a mischievous expression and suddenly, to her surprise, he began biting down on her neck and left a hickey there.

Beatrice couldn't help but moan in pleasure. But she still denies that she loves the feeling that Benedict is giving her. She pushed and kicked him. It didn't work. He still got what he wanted.

"Trust me, you wouldn't have enough strength to move tomorrow. I won't stop until I'm satisfied" As he said that he smirked.

The morning light filters through the window, illuminating the bedroom as Benedict slowly opens his eyes. He can feel Beatrice's body pressed against his, and he can't help but feel a sense of contentment wash over him. He takes a moment to absorb the feeling of having her so close, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her even closer. Benedict takes a deep breath and lets out a content sigh, a rare moment of vulnerability as he thinks to himself :

"I think I'm starting to develop feelings. I don't mind this."

Beatrice felt the light in her face and started waking up. As Beatrice stirs, Benedict tightens his arm around her waist and presses a soft kiss to her shoulder. He lets out a low chuckle and mutters softly. "Morning, Beatrice. Did you sleep well?"

"N-No, I need to go to the bathroom" As she tried to stand, she couldn't feel her legs and ended up falling on the bed. "I can't walk"

Benedict can't help but chuckle deeply as he sees Beatrice's attempt to stand, only to fail due to the previous night's activities. He looks unrepentant as he mockingly mutters softly. "Well, what can I say, Beatrice? I did promise you wouldn't have enough stamina to move at the end, didn't I?"

Beatrice ignored him and once again tried to stand, yet failed.

Benedict watches with amusement as Beatrice attempts to stand and fails once again. He can't help but chuckle deeply, finding her feeble attempts adorable. He rolls over on top of her, his body pinning her to the bed as he looks down at her with a possessive gleam in his eyes. "Oh, Beatrice, didn't I tell you that you wouldn't have the strength left to move? I told you, you're not going anywhere until I'm satisfied."

"I-I want to go home. I hate this" Beatrice mumbled. She glared at him.

Benedict takes a moment to admire the way she looks underneath him, loving how she glares at him with that defiance in her eyes. He grins mischievously and mutters mockingly. "Oh, such a defiant glare. You just can't seem to get enough of me, can you?" He leans in closer and presses a possessive kiss to her lips, his tongue demanding entrance as he pins her down with his weight.

The kiss is bruising and hungry, filled with a possessive desire that leaves Beatrice breathless and weak. When he finally pulls away, he lets out a low chuckle and mutters teasingly. "You're stuck with me in bed until I say so, sweetheart. I have far better use for your strength than letting you stand."

"Do I look like I can stand?" Beatrice said sarcastically.

Benedict chuckles deeply as he takes in her weak and helpless state, relishing in the fact that she can't even stand up. He leans in closer, his voice low and seductive as he purrs seductively. "No, darling, you certainly do not look like you can stand. You look like you can't do anything but stay right here in bed with me."

"Stop it" She pushed him away, failed again. "Don't start I wouldn't want not to walk for a month" She added.

Benedict laughs deeply at her comment, finding amusement in her defiance. He grins mischievously and mutters teasingly. "A month, hm? Sounds like a challenge to me, darling. You really think you'd be able to walk again so soon?" He leans in closer and presses a possessive kiss to her neck, leaving her breathless and weak under him. "I'll make sure you can't walk for a lot longer than that."

"Benedict!"

Benedict chuckles deeply against her neck as he continues to press kisses to her skin, his tongue lavishing her with attention. He can't help but mock her once again, finding her weak protests amusing. "What is it, darling? I thought we already discussed that standing isn't an option."

"D-Don't you have work? You're a mafia boss after all" She asked.

Benedict lets out a low growl as Beatrice reminds him of his work. He can't help but grumble as he mutters mockingly, "Oh, so you suddenly care about my work? How considerate." He rolls off her with a huff, sitting up on the edge of the bed. "Fine, you win this time, darling. I've got work to do. But mark my words, as soon as I'm done today, I'll be back here, and you won't be able to stop me then, no matter how tired you are."

"Spare me tonight, please. I still fancy to walk" She stated glaring at him. Forgetting how she was forced last night. She sheepishly admitted that she liked what happened last night, only to herself though.

Benedict can't help but let out a low huff as Beatrice pleads for mercy. Despite his possessive nature, he can't help giving in to her request. He mutters softly, his voice full of mock surrender. "Fiiine, sweetheart. I'll spare you tonight. But only because you're cute when you beg. You better thank me for this, since I'll make sure to claim you twice as hard tomorrow."

"Wait, wait, wait. Twice??" She asked very surprised. 

Bendict chuckles deeply as he sees her surprise at his words. His eyes gleam mischievously as he mutters teasingly. "Oh, darling, did I stutter? Twice. As soon as tomorrow comes, I'll be back here, and I'm not giving you a chance to rest. You better be ready for me, Beatrice"

"No way"

Benedict lets out a deep chuckle as Beatrice protests at his declaration. He looks at her with a teasing grin as he speaks with mock disappointment. "Oh, but darling, I thought you liked it when I took charge. Don't tell me you're backing out now, especially when you looked so delectable last night. I'm not done showing you just how much I want you, sweetheart. I'm going to make sure you don't have the strength to stand for at least a week."

"NO" She glared at him.

Benedict couldn't help but laugh at her firm refusal. He finds her defiance strangely amusing, like a little pet pouting in his presence. He leans in closer, his voice carrying a hint of seductive intent. "No? Oh, but darling, don't tempt me. The more you resist, the harder I want you." His hands roam over her body possessively, as if he's determined to prove his words true. "You're mine, and I'll make sure you remember that." 

Benedict leaves for work, his mind buzzing with both business matters and thoughts Beatrice. He finds himself surprisingly excited to be back home, eager to continue his intimate activities. As the hours pass, Benedict throws himself into his work, his mind set on crushing his enemies and showing no mercy. The more he thinks about Beatrice, the more his desire to claim her grows. He knows that tonight or tomorrow, he will make her his once again. 

[petalbypetalmyself]

46/366 | little steps

This morning started with a 10min Ballet Beautiful Swan Lake-inspired workout and a weigh-in. From 55.1 kg (morning of the binge) to 55.9 kg (morning after the binge) to 55.7 kg (two mornings after).

Afterwards I did also a 10min Ballet Beautiful waltz workout and hiked until I reached about 10k steps.

But I'm not proud of my eating today. I didn't binge. But when I come home from my internship I'm always starving and I always overeat then on bread, mostly. And that leads me to smoking because I feel guilty. Ironically now I eat better (more balanced) at my partner's, the place in which I developed my overeating problem during the pandemic.

What I hate most about smoking is my instability. My humour is always affected by it, whether I smoke or not. So this is firm. I won't be able to smoke until Monday and I won't smoke on Monday. If I don't smoke on Monday I will be able to maintain it going onwards.

I don't want to have problems with my teeth, mouth, throat and lungs. I love breathing and value smelling too much.

Well, I hated my legs so much today. But you know what, I don't care.

[worthyking]

hate to say it but I miss so much about mid-2020 where everyone was making bread and catching up with life and I wish we could go back to that.. need another global quarantine rn, preferably without the whole pandemic thing but I think I'd take that too if it came down to it