#But he's still a character on Voyager so it's not like I despise him...I love Voyager

[bumblingbabooshka]

When Neelix went “Well as they said on Talax, good news has no clothes!” and Tom was like “Uhhhh....oo-kay??” I wanted to kill him in that moment v_v

[aq2003]

almost forgot. ten's run episode ranking (nine ranking here)

some stray thoughts and opinions under the cut

my overall ranking for the series so far would be 4 > 1 >= 3 > 2. donna sweep babygirl

"i have brain damage" tier would've been called "the qpr meth has gotten to me" but then i remembered how absolutely glued to the screen i was for sound of drums <3 all of the other episodes there are either donna episodes or episodes where ten goes through horrors specifically bc donna isn't there and sound of drums is the exception lmao

by default i think simm!master is the best main villain in ten's run. he is still very goofy like the cybermen and the daleks (and 98% of the villains in this show really) but simm!master has that toxic doomed yaoi backing him and that means everything in the world. rtd drop your simm!master spotify playlist

it is SO CRAZY how an episode called "planet of the ood" can make me cry. but it did. and i love it for it. i love the ood so much. they are my little guys

stolen earth/journey's end was my least favorite arc in main series 4 - which is just a testament to how much i loved the rest of it lmao. like i still rly liked the finale, and the scene of davros pointing out that ten turned their friends into soldiers and how it was framed almost like they were being put on trial. Was so fucking juicy. but it felt overall like the story was doing that "trying to include everyone" thing and the pacing felt off as a result. like i rly needed the donna mind wipe scene to be longer it was goin so fast i couldn't process it

42 goes so crazy and i love it so much bc to me it is the defining tenmartha episode. you have that showcase of deep inherent trust, of swearing to save each other, of being the person the other needs bc is there anyone else. but you also have ten screaming at her to kill him so that he won't hurt anyone and then at the end, deflecting and refusing to talk w her about it. "burn with me martha" is like that previously-unspoken-now-brought-to-front undercurrent to their whole relationship and ten says it while being possessed by a rageful vindictive sun. waow

i really dislike the temporary companions (astrid and christina in voyage of the damned and planet of the dead respectively). not the characters themselves but the timing and role they have in the story and how they're framed. i do understand that part of ten's character is that he gets attached very easily and can't stand being on his own, but also for astrid this was directly post-martha where ten's realized he's been fucking up her life by acting the way he did. and for christina this was post-donna and pre-time-lord-victorious. forming a friendship that ends w/ tragedy or ten pushing them away i can see, but romantic tension is pushing it HARD. which leads me to my next deranged point

ten is aroace to me i'm so sorry society he clocked the aroace meter the minute the story decided to introduce donna and then in series 4 make them the soulmates of all time while there isnt a HINT of romantic tension between them. and there is something so narratively aspec about ten being created by and for love but sometimes his love isn't enough/isn't the right kind and everyone will leave or find someone else. being an alien can be a metaphor for being aroace if i'm crazy enough about it (and also if their humanity is a constant theme to their arc that is hammered in time and time again)

i forgot i was supposed to talk about the episodes hold on a second

one of the most out of body experiences i had was watching love and monsters, really quite liking it (despite finding the ending weird) because it's a grounded and solid episode w strong characterization and really great jackie and rose moments, only to find out this episode is nearly universally despised by the dr who fanbase. help girl

the human ten arc probably has the most underrated villains in the show. i just really love that concept of monsters that need to eat timelords in order to survive, and ten giving them one chance to be spared of his rage and die peacefully by turning himself into a human for a hot minute. it's just really neat idk.

time lord victorious my babygirl. like oh my god i was wondering for the entire time how the fuck does ten go from "vain/overconfident but at heart always driven by his love for others" to "god complex" and the answer to this question is "you take away everyone he cares about and make him watch more and more people die in front of him until he just fucking snaps". at the end of waters of mars i was almost expecting him to knock 4 times on the tardis door himself and was so glad it didnt happen. etc etc. i'm also really glad that it doesn't last for more than 5 minutes. what he does essentially haunts him for the rest of his (short) life and that's so so important

end of time part 2 doesn't get a ranking. it is simultaneously the best episode and worst episode. it made me cry my eyes out three separate times. like it's not even an episode anymore it's like an experience. specifically one akin to watching a good friend you made over the course of 16 days die in front of you. i felt my soul being sucked out and i wont ever feel anything again (until the 60th anniversary specials fix me). god fucking bless

but pairing up martha and mickey out of nowhere was so so fucking bad and i need to actually murder whoever made that decision

[giffingthingsss]

I maintain that there were good things in the Kazon arc, but those things were obscured by a few missteps.

Things they should have done:

1. Wrapped up the Kazon arc in season one.

It's pretty unbelievable that Voyager, supposedly better and faster and stronger, hasn't outrun them long ago. A year plus at warp and we're still running into Kazon?

2. Condensed the arc.

I'm basically elaborating on the first thing. There's a halfway interesting story here that is partly lost because it's so spread out.

You need some other episodes in between for passage of time purposes, especially if you're doing the pregnancy arc, but this is an arc that heavily features your resident delta quadrant alien and the maquis crew members (Seska, Chakotay, B'Elanna, Suder, Jonas, Tom; it's all Maquis) and all the questions about whether we stay Starfleet or follow the philosophy of the Maquis and the Cardassian. It's the perfect arc to take up your first season. But it gets lost in the shuffle.

3. A different motivation for the Kazon.

Making the Kazon so interested in a transporter and a food replicator doesn't do wonders for their villain status. You can never take them terribly seriously. They have big ships and a lot of them and we're supposed to believe they're a threat to Voyager, but they're desperate for food replicators. Those two things don't gel together. 'We need their technology' and yet you could destroy them.

These people are still interested in revenge on the Trabe after thirty plus years. They could just be going after Voyager simply because that first fight and then subsequent skirmishes made them see Voyager as the enemy. They’ll attack Talaxians just because they’re there, why not Voyager?

The Kazon tribes fighting because Voyager's the enemy, but Cullah having a vision of uniting the tribes with Seska as his strategist is the direction I would like to have seen emphasized. I don't think the Kazon have to stay the way they are. They could learn and grow.

I like the concept of Basics a lot too. Even if you took out that 'fitting end for a people that wouldn't share their technology' line, the episode would work as another test of this Starfleet crew in more primitive conditions. And I would take out all that caveman/monster stuff and deal with internal conflicts and survival instead. 'How will we choose to handle this' at its rock bottom level.

4. More build up of Chakotay/Seska.

I understand they probably weren't sure at first what they were going to do, but in a perfect world, there would have been Chakotay/Seska before State of Flux. It didn't need to be explicit or current, but at least some scenes where you get a sense of their past relationship and hints that maybe they'll pick it up again. It would make the betrayal much more potent.

Notes:

Cullah's the one character I kind of like in the Kazon. He's the one thing that manages to not make it a total snoozefest for me. His viewpoints grow out of his culture, but he has the potential to grow. 'Grrr, women,' but he's completely whipped. Sometimes I want to punch him and sometimes I'm like, 'he can be salvaged.' I credit the dedication of the actor.

The Kazon weren't a good villain overall, but there are scenes with Janeway and Cullah that are exciting. I think the scene with her calling him a bully is the first glimpse I get of who Janeway will become.

His final scene with Seska, it's clear he really loved her. Maybe he resists it because that's what he was taught. But it's there. And I give him points for accepting the kid as his own and despising Chakotay for supposedly taking advantage of her.

I always liked Alliances and that little twist of the Trabe being a different kind of cold-blooded villain. I like how it puts the Kazon in a different light.

Starfleet has a philosophy, but ideally its approach to those who don't hold the same philosophy is persuasion and example. It doesn't throw people in the trash because they're not there yet, it holds out its hand in hopes they will one day arrive. Maybe that's why I like Alliances so much.

I kind of hope the Kazon did see that unification and an evolution. I kind of hope they are now ruled by a half Cardassian (I wish he actually was half human, but oh well) who is as cunning as his mother. And if he's not a better person than his parents were yet, maybe he can be.

[dat-town]

poison like you

Characters: princess!you & guard!Xukun feat. king!Yixing

Genre: historical, fantasy, royalty, bit of enemies to lovers, bit of childhood sweetheart to lovers, bit of i’d die for you, angst with hopeful open ending

Warnings: blood, violence, murder, poisoning and death

Summary: If you wanted to kill the last son of the Dragon Clan, first you needed to get through his right hand man. Too bad he knew you too well but it felt like you didn’t know him at all.

Words: 11.1k

Author’s note: please note that even though this historical fantasy is inspired by ancient China, it is not historically accurate because it isn’t set in any certain era or even at any existing place. the governor structure and politics might be confusing but this is basically about a lot of small kingdoms (called clans) having a never ending war for more power over the area. Chinese mythical creatures exist in this world but have gone almost extinct during the wars. to know how i imagine this world, watch Lay’s Lit mv!

for the one&only @lily-blue​ 💕

As the only daughter of the Jade Clan's head, you had your responsibilities. To your father, his men and all the people under them. Most importantly, you had to do everything in order to protect the Clan. When the Dragon Clan started expanding its territory, winning over more and more land, becoming more and more powerful, you knew that no army could fight theirs, so you had to go to the war with wits instead of swords.

When your father proposed the idea of a reunion between the two Clans by marrying you to the son of the Dragon, you hated it. The other Clan was everything you despised: ruthless, brutal, selfish and while you knew arranged marriage was your future, you didn't want to rule next to a tyrant. But when your father said that this would be the perfect chance for you to kill their leader and rule over the united clans yourself, it suddenly wasn't that bad of a plan. Although you never wanted a huge empire and you didn't want the responsibility over so many people, freeing them from a bloody rule sounded like the best you could do. Especially now that the man needed an heir to secure his bloodline and power.

It took ridiculously few letters between your father and Zhang Yixing before you were off, on the road with only a chest of your belongings and another one full of gold and other jewels as marriage gifts. You had your most trusted maids and soldiers with you but otherwise you were alone, alone with your plan to poison your husband-to-be. Surely, you didn't think it was going to be easy while being surrounded by his people in a palace but getting there, the dark monstrum of a building wasn't like how you imagined your future to be. Everything wore the pattern of dragon scales, the city burned in the colours of fire and ash, even the waters were dark. People wore black clothes and wore their hair down without many accessories but despite the grayness of the place, the men and women you ran into didn't seem unhappy or living in fear. They must not have known any other life, so you felt sorry for them.

You were escorted to a chamber right away and compared to the light flowery room you were used to at home, this was very different but you didn't complain. Instead you inquired about Zhang Yixing's whereabouts and when you could meet him but the maid told you that he had a meeting with his generals, so you couldn't see him until the next day when you were supposed to have lunch together. You thanked her for enlightening you and after blaming your fatigue on the long voyage, you requested to be left alone. Opening your box of accessories, you pulled out a small glass bottle with yellow liquid inside. A few drops of it was enough to put a man to sleep, a whole spoon was surely death, so your only job was to get time alone with your fiance. Until then, you needed to play your cards well.

You were quite restless and maybe a bit paranoid but you couldn’t sleep during the night fearing that someone might attack you. Even though you knew you were now under the protection of the ruler of the Clan just by being Zhang Yixing’s fiancée, it didn’t calm your traitorous heart. You have seen enemies in every corner and yet, you raised your chin high, confident and proud when you were called to that lunch with your man to be.

Followed by a bunch of maids, you walked to the room on which Yixing decided and you took your seat on the opposite end of the long table full of delicious goods. The young king was already there, his pitch black hair falling into his almond-shaped dark eyes as he looked up at you sternly, eyes narrowing as if he wanted to see through you. His skin was pale against his black clothes that were simpler than you would have thought of a tyrant. You had never met him before but you heard stories of him and you heard descriptions of his looks. However, he was younger than you had expected, only a few years older than you, but with his defined jawline and rigid expression you could imagine him being the one behind the destruction of your neighbours.

He didn’t greet you but signalled that you should start eating and tentatively you reached out for the rice, chopsticks freezing in your hold as soon as he spoke up in a raspy voice.

"It's quite unexpected, your father's wish to join hands," he said calmly and it sounded like a challenge or a test, you couldn’t tell but you didn’t like the tone he was using to talk about your father. As if he was a weakling crawling to his feet.

"Is it?” you raised an eyebrow, daring to look straight into his cold eyes, watching his every move, every twitch. “I think it's a very reasonable timing. After all, you just reached our borders," you explained because he must have known there were not many choices you could take: it was either seeking peace or a war and your nation was a peaceful one, hence you would have done anything to keep it that way.

“Is your father afraid of me?” Yixing questioned and you bet he wanted to believe that, that he could scare the Jade Clan’s head. But your father was a born strategist, he always had a plan.

“Isn’t that why you’re doing this? You want other nations to fear you?” you counterattacked with a question, knowing the lesson yourself as well: If you cannot be loved, you must be feared.

You were well aware that it was a reckless thing to challenge the king. He might have been your fiance on paper but he could have just lifted his hand and have you killed and everybody you had with you to make it look like you were attacked on the road, never reaching his palace. However, for the first time since you had seen him, the man ahead of you looked amused, the corners of his mouth curling upwards.

"You have a sharp tongue for a princess," he said and it almost sounded like a compliment. You took pride in that with a raise of your chin.

"I'm the only child of the Jade Clan's head. I have learned how to wield any kind of weapon," you answered confidently. You might not have been an undefeated warrior but you had learned how to protect yourself and you knew too well that spoken words could cause just as harm as knives sometimes. But still, it seemed to make the young king interested as he bobbed his head towards you, leaning forward with his elbows balancing on the table.

"We could test that. Are you good at archery?" he asked, probably with the intention to invite you for a game. But his smugness irked you because he made it sound like he expected you to lose no matter what. So you did the least princess-like and least wise thing you could have done in that moment: you pulled your hairpin out, letting your long locks fall onto your shoulders before swinging your arm forward and letting the pin fly forward.

In the next moment two interestings things happened. Not only Yixing’s guards weren’t by your side, forcing you down or even killing you for your brazen act but he himself didn’t move. He looked into your eyes without fear and without anger. At the same time, you saw a shadow move so fast you didn’t think it was possible for a human and his sword hit you hairpin out of its path before it could have landed in the painting behind Yixing’s throne, hitting the dragon on it in the eye. The soldier, guard or whoever he was, wore black just like his ruler but there was a textil mask in front of his face, so he must have been a special kind of warrior. Not that you cared, your attention was back on Yixing immediately.

"You tell me... do you think I would be good at it?" you asked, finding the silence a bit unsettling, it was almost like the calm before the storm. But then the king laughed and you were baffled.

“What a bride you will make,” he tilted his head and then finally, you started eating.

 You were aware that you were lucky that you hadn’t been executed for that bold move you had made but it only ensured you that Zhang Yixing needed you. Or at least what you represented: the peace deal with your nation and a secured future bloodline. He could have probably forgiven as much. Or was he really that sure that either you miss the target or his guard would save him? You weren't sure but since you needed to know about his most trusted men anyways, you asked your maids about the masked figure. They didn’t know much, so you gave them the task to ask around among the Dragon Clan’s servants. You needed to know who your enemies were and where they laid. You also needed to know the palace as best as you could in case you needed an escape route or a secret passage to get to Yixing faster than anyone.

Hence, your night escapades started: once night have fallen, you pulled out a dark, comfortable clothing usually men wore and tied your hair high to not get into your way as you climb out of your window, up to the roof from where you could see the U-shaped building complex, knowing exactly where you should go: towards the king’s quarters. Running from rooftop to rooftop reminded you of your childhood when you practiced hide and seek in the palace back home. Your father had taught you how important it was to remain invisible and his advice still stayed with you as you made sure to dissolve into the shadows as you jumped to the gardens: step lightly, breath lightly like air in the morning but listen well and open your eyes because the smallest sounds, the smallest movements can be your enemy’s.

There were two guards in front of what you thought was Yixing’s suite but you didn’t care about that. You were more interested in the room where he planned his strategies to see if he really wanted to march through your home and bring war there just to conquer your other neighbours too. But before you could reach for the wooden door, you heard a shush and you crouched down just in time for the dagger to land in the wood instead of you. You bolted immediately, making a run for it, stepping up on a barrel you jumped onto the roof, so you could find a hiding place. You were prepared for such a thing. If things went South, you just needed to sneak back to your room, under the blanket and act alarmed when they banged on your door. You might have been from another Clan but nobody would have disrespected a princess by checking what she wore while sleeping and none of your maids would have said anything against you.

But you didn’t reach your quarters. No matter how lightly and in the shadows you tried to step, the one who followed you must have been really good because from one moment to another you felt yourself being hauled down from the roof, onto the ground. You and the man (based on his build) fell down together and lucky for you, it was him whose back hit the grass first with you on top of him. It gave you a bit of advantage to get to your feet immediately but you didn’t get far away. Dodging the man’s attacks, you had to admit that his training was very good, no fighter made it so hard for you to get even one hit and you grunted in annoyance when your back hit the wall of the stable. It was a full moon, so it was dark, only some tinkling light illuminating the palace for which you were grateful but it also gave you disadvantage because unlike your attacker you didn’t know this place. You felt a sudden pressure on your chest as a strong arm was pressed against it, a blade close to your neck but you only saw a silhouette.

“Speak, are you just a thief or a spy?” he asked, his voice sounding younger, softer than you expected but there was something dangerous to it. You didn’t wait enough to find out what it  was. You tightened your grip around the ceramic cup you had picked up earlier and smashed it against his head. You had indeed learned how to use everything as a weapon.

For a moment, it looked as if the guard’s eyes flashed gold in the moonlight but you were too busy running away, into the stable, scaring the horses and hiding behind a straw pile, controlling your breathing until the man who had come after you gave up and left.

You hissed when you touched the wound on your fair skinned neck. It wasn’t deep and didn’t hurt a lot but it was obviously a blade wound, one that a princess shouldn’t have. So to hide it, you brushed your head over your shoulders before you left for your archery practice with Zhang Yixing who wished to see your skills for real. He greeted you with an expectant smile to which you bobbed your head politely.

You didn’t talk much while taking turns, shooting arrows but you carefully and discreetly eyed his guards when it was the king’s turn, wondering if one of them was the one from the day before. Not that you could have told with their masks on.

After practice (you lost but only because you didn’t try too hard), you went to eat fruits in the gardens and you learned that Yixing was about to leave to check on his Eastern borders. He would be away for at least a week but promised to get the wedding preparations started with his servants. You knew that was why you came but still, it made you nervous as it meant you had less time.

“Princess!” A sudden, unexpected voice called after you when you were ready to leave with your maids. Nobody other than Yixing had initiated a conversation with you since you arrived, everyone waited for you to step first. So you were curious what this man, one of the king’s closest guards, could have wanted from you. Turning around, you saw him holding out your hairpin, the one you had thrown towards Yixing the first time you had seen him, the one someone dodged, could it be…

You looked up at the young man, his hair, somewhat ruffled in his forehead, mask covering his face under his eyes. He didn’t look at you, he casted his eyes down like a good servant would.

“Thank you,” you spoke up, a bit uncertain and there was a flicker in the guard’s eyes the moment he glanced up at you after his gaze lingered on your neck: something familiar yet scary but you blinked and it was over. You took the hairpin and left, your dress sweeping the floor behind you. That guard made you feel uneasy for some reason.

The next day Yixing indeed left and when you didn’t bump into the man from the other night for the next three days you were starting to think that he went with the ruler as well. It was only after you managed to sneak into the king’s room and out when you had to realize just how wrong you had been. You knew something was off the moment you stepped into your quarters. Your guards weren’t outside of your doors and the candle you left there lit up burnt out. It was already cold to touch when you lit it again which meant it must have blown out when your intruder opened the door earlier. You pulled out your sword and pointed it ahead of you, alarmed. Your shadow danced on the walls as the candle light flickered.

“It’s been a while… Princess,” the intruder spoke up much too calmly for someone who broke into a royal’s room. You could have gotten him killed for that but you froze. Not only because he must have known about your night adventures but because the playful tint of his voice was somewhat familiar.

The shadow stepped out from the corner, hands held up, defensive, revealing the guard from earlier. You furrowed your brows, not lowering the sword, not until the other pulled down his mask and the man you faced made you gasp.

“Xukun...” you whispered, almost whimpered, and you felt your knees weaken. But he– you thought he was dead.

“I think we have a lot to talk about,” he suggested with a hint of a smile and you couldn’t agree more.

You could still barely believe that it was Cai Xukun in front of you, alive and grown up unlike the boy you had last seen him as. The boy you practiced fighting with, the son of your father’s general, your childish first love. He had never known, of course, you never had a future to begin with but still. You remembered being sixteen and so in love, secretly gushing everytime he had brought you wild roses saying they reminded him of you. But then at eighteen, he had gone off to a battle and never came back. You remembered the crinkle around his eyes as he joked, telling you not to worry, he wasn’t that easy to kill. Apparently, he was right but you didn’t understand what he was doing in the Royal Palace of the Dragon Clan as one of the high rank guards when he was supposed to be back at your home. If his father still lived, what would he have said about his son becoming a traitor?

“I knew it was you,” he spoke up, eyes a mixed colour, mouth in a thin line. You looked at him questioningly. Then he pointed at your neck without a word and you reached for the now scar on your throat. “Obviously, I didn’t know then. Sorry.”

“Why didn’t you report me then?” you asked directly, looking straight into his eyes and you let your gaze linger on the slope of his nose, the corners of his mouth, the sharp line of his jaw. He had grown up, he was more handsome than ever. “Or why didn’t you kill me during the past two days when you were following me?”

“So you knew,” Xukun nodded at you, impressed but you just raised an eyebrow. You had a guess. Everything was too easy, too quiet. When you didn’t answer, the once boy now man standing in front of you sighed as if he carried the weight of the world with him. “You should know I would never hurt you.”

You scoffed at him. You would have been naive to believe him and you weren’t a child anymore. Hell, you came here to kill the king.

“How could I be sure? It’s been years, Xukun, and you were nowhere! You gave no signs that you were alive and here you are, in an enemy clan serving their ruthless ruler?!” you spat at him and you knew that your words were harsh, that your tone was cold but honestly, you knew a barely 18 years old boy and not the young man who was in front of you. You were conflicted to say the least.

“Zhang Yixing isn’t ruthless,” Xukun corrected you. Of all things you said, he found this the most obnoxious thing you had told him out of all, he decided to correct that. You wondered why. Why was he loyal to him? Why when you had only known him to be a murderer and someone who dared you to show him her best shot?

“Isn’t he? Then how does he keep destroying these nations around us? He burnt the Moon Clan to the ground for the deities’ sake!” your voice rose by the end and you had to remind yourself to stay quiet. It would have been a scandal if someone knew you had a man in your room while your fiance was away. Your whole plan would have gone down the gutter if your reputation was ruined just like that. But you heard all the stories: the massacre in the West, the burnt towns in the South, the sunk ships at the sea. They were his doing or so people said.

“That… that wasn’t him,” Xukun objected, so sure of himself that it almost made you feel sick. “And it’s a war either way. There are no saints here. Your father isn’t one either.”

You knew how wars were fought, you knew that everybody including you was a sinner, you had both grown up in a world where you knew nothing but neverending fights, losing loved ones and never knowing safety. Yet, when the boy who your father thought of fondly dared to call him out, anger flared in you.

“My father sent his only daughter to marry a tyrant to save his people from suffering, so don’t talk about him like you knew him!”

Maybe it wasn’t what you said but how you said it, the sword you still hadn’t let go of trembling in your hand but Xukun paused, licked his lip in consideration and his voice was softer when he continued:

“I can prove that Zhang Yixing isn’t as ruthless as you think he is,” he claimed but you didn’t really care about that. You wanted to know why he was there, in the Dragon Clan instead at what you had known as a home.

“Does it have something to do with why you never came back? Like you promised,” you reminded him, sounding bitter at the memory. Gosh, you had been such a child. But who could have blamed you? He smiled and it tipped your whole world back then. But he just visibly gulped now, so you must have been right.

“I owe him my life,” he said curtly and you sucked in a breath, wondering whether he meant it figuratively or literally. You didn’t have to ask, Xukun kept talking as if now that he started, a river flood. “When the Phoenix Clan attacked us 5 years ago, I was captured. They must have known that my father was a general and they wanted to get to him. When they took me in front of their leader, Yixing was also there, barely a boy not much older than me, caught while sneaking into the tent while stealing maps on a mission for his father. They confused him for someone from the Jade Clan and thought he came for me. They let him go to pass a message to my father and then they left me in the desert far enough from the battlefield with an open wound. I was so sure I would die.”

You had imagined before how it happened. How he died, or so you had thought. You’d had nightmares about it. Seeing his beautiful eyes wide open in shock and pain. You’d imagined it on the battlefield but his body was never found. The nearby river had been red though, so you thought maybe… But it was all wrong. He was never really there.

Xukun unconsciously touched his abdomen with a grimace on his face and you wondered whether he felt the phantom pain of the stab but he kept talking without addressing that.

“The next thing I remember is waking up to being carried on horseback and Yixing yelling for a medic. I wouldn’t have thought he would come back for me, we didn’t even know each other after all,” he stopped short at that as if he was still dumbfounded that the heir of the Dragon Clan saved him then. Honestly, in his place you had been too. Maybe Yixing hadn’t had his reputation back then but you were still enemies. “When the royal medic told him I’m a lost case, he took me to a shaman and they made me drink something that cured my wound by the next day.”

“Dragon blood,” you whispered in shock when Xukun gave you a meaningful look.

There was no other way but the magical powers of dragons. Although there were more rumours than credible sources on that, nobody denied that any essence of the heavenly, snake-like creature could save lives. But there were too few of them, maybe exactly because humans dared to hunt them down for either their scales, antlers or their blood, you wouldn’t have thought it was still possible. Yixing must have paid a fortune to save someone whom he barely knew.

“See why I can’t go back home?” Xukun asked and mouth open in agapé, you casted your eyes down.

Such medication… such witchcraft was illegal in Jade nation. He would have been branded as a monster and exiled even if he went back. Dragons and creatures like that were considered sacred in your home.

“Where did they even get dragon blood from? Nobody has seen a dragon in years,” you took a shallow breath, trying to work through your messy thoughts.

“What do you think caused the fire at Moon nation?” Xukun asked knowingly and with hope in his eyes resembled the boy you had once known. He hoped you would believe him and you did but it wasn’t easy to digest all this new information.

The two of you just looked at each other in silence, a heavy one, before the sounds of the midnight patrol startled you. Hushed, you blew out the candle light, leaving you in the dark, speaking in hushed voices.

“I don’t know what you’re trying to do but… please, don’t go against Yixing. I might not be able to save you then,” Xukun spoke up, his deep voice echoing in the room, you clenched your hands in fists. As if he was there to save you in the last years when you would have needed him.

“I don’t need you to save me,” you told him, hurt clear in your voice but he didn’t say anything. He left without saying a word, wind whizzing into your room as he became one with the shadows outside. His last words left you wondering. Would he have died for Yixing, even in his place even if the weapon was in your hands?

You told yourself it wasn’t because of Xukun but you didn’t sneak into the king’s quarters in the next few days. Instead you wrote a letter to your father telling him about recent events and what you have found out about the Dragon Clan’s plans based on what you had found in the strategy meeting room. You entrusted one of your best guards with the letter and sent him home.

Days had passed uneventfully then but only until Zhang Yixing and his men came back with news that knocked air out of your lungs: the Eagle Clan attacked the weakened eastern wing of your nation. You knew they had become daring lately no matter how your father wished to keep it a secret from you but it was still all too sudden. Your army wasn’t ready to not only stand guard in case you got attacked from the South but now from the sunrise side as well.

“You cannot tell me to just wait it out!” you rose from your chair at lunch when Yixing told you the news. You felt offended at how calm he was. It must have been just another attack for him, but for you, it was your home.

“What else could a princess do?” he raised an eyebrow at you challengingly and you would have liked to sneer at him.

“I’m not the type of princess you think I am,” you claimed, hating that he probably thought you were used to letting other people fight your battles for you. Just because your father didn’t let you go into the war because you were the sole heir of the clan, it didn’t mean you couldn’t have. But now, as Yixing’s fiancée you didn’t even have much choice. You knew you shouldn’t go against his words or he might dance back on his agreement with your father. But you panicked, so you did the only thing you could possibly do in such a situation. “What do you want? Do you want to marry immediately, so you would help? Or would you let them destroy my home even then?”

You were desperate, so you would have agreed to anything only if he sent a handful of soldiers to help your people. Hell, if you had become the queen you could have commanded them yourself. But the king seemed to have different ideas.

“I will help. On one condition,” he said slowly, tasting every word and you were holding your breath, waiting for him to reveal what he wished from you. “Show me what type of princess you are then. Let’s not lie to each other about these things, Princess.”

Well, you certainly did not expect that.

“What do you mean?” you stuttered and your heart skipped a beat when the man slid an overly familiar envelope onto the table. You were smart enough to not be obvious about what you wanted to discuss with your father but there were still hints in your letter about things you shouldn’t have known if you were just picking flowers and practicing embroidery like an ordinary princess would have.

“You don’t want to marry me,” the man said and even though it was an accusation, he didn’t make it sound like one. And yet…

“You don’t want to marry me either but it hardly matters what we desire. We come from the bloodline of royals, we have our responsibilities to our people. And my people need me,” you slammed your hand on the table, spilled rice wine pouring like melted snow. You caught one of the masked guards - probably Xukun - turning his head towards you at that.

“You don’t want to be a princess,” Yixing continued and it baffled you. As if you had a choice! “You have the heart of a warrior.”

Well, you couldn’t argue that, so you just gulped, looking over the table, at the man who was a mystery to you. What did he want you to say? You couldn’t possibly admit that you planned to kill him.

“Come with me,” the king said as if it was his ultimatum and there was something knowing in his dark eyes when he explained: “Come with me to the front. Fight with me and then I’ll help the Jade Clan.”

His offer was an interesting one, you didn’t quite get his reason but you nodded anyway. You were ready to fight alongside your people but you didn’t even have to look at Xukun to know he was frowning.

You left the next day, at dawn. You took all your guards with you and Yixing added his own as you departed towards the North… your home. You wore your comfortable man clothes, hair swirling in the air around you as you galloped on your horse next to the others. It took about two days to reach the endangered border, so on the night when you had to set up a tent you could be finally alone a bit. Since you were the only woman you got a separate place and nobody should have bothered you but the tent wasn’t empty when you got in there. Gosh, were your guards so imcompetent or how?

“Reckless of you to sneak into my tent. What would your king say?” you asked, words a bit biting. You didn’t have a chance to talk with Xukun ever since that night in your room and you knew, it could have been indecent to exchange words in front of others even if you explained that you knew each other from before.

“I came exactly because of that,” the once boy explained, sitting near your small table as if you had invited him over for tea. Only because you had known him before you noticed his fidgety fingers as a sign of nervousness. “Did you write about me in the letter he got his hands on?”

Oh. So that was what he was worried about. Disappointment made you taste bile in your mouth. You hated this feeling.

“I’m not stupid,” you told him curtly and turned your back on him to indeed pour some boiled water over tea leaves to soothe your nerves. Honestly, you thought about telling your father about Xukun but then you realized you didn’t know what to write. You weren’t sure what you should have. It wasn’t your place to decide and maybe it was for the better if your father still thought that he was dead.

“He… he has a man watching you. He told me he can’t trust me with that,” Xukun who once had jumped to hover above you when a wooden house fell upon the two of you during a heavy storm sounded pained admitting that. You gulped hearing his words and the worry lacing through them. You didn’t want to think of him caring. He disappeared from your life years ago, he didn’t get to worry about you now.

“Why are you telling me this?” you asked, slowly, tentative as you sat by the table across him, putting cups of tea between you. Xukun waited until you looked up, into his deep brown eyes that had the most beautiful golden specks in them you had ever seen. Maybe it was just the lights’ doing but he still took your breath away, unfairly so.

“You need to be careful. He knows you’re up to something,” he pressed, desperate and you forced a smile, a charming, confident one. Oh, Zhang Yixing had no idea what was coming for him if he betrayed you.

“If he helped my people, our people, I wouldn’t have a reason to plot against him, would I?” you voiced out your thoughts, the decision you made on your own. If the king proved to be not as ruthless, just as your old friend claimed, maybe he deserved another chance. So you meant it but Xukun didn’t look convinced.

“Princess, I have something to discuss,” the cold, authoritative voice of the Dragon Clan’s head could be heard from outside and the pace of your heartbeats picked up, whipping your head towards the entrance of your tent then back to Xukun… or where he had been just before. Now, nothing but a smell of smoke lingered after him. You had no idea how he did that.

As it turned out Yixing wanted to discuss the reports he had gotten from the battle and if he had noticed the two cups of steamy tea, he didn’t make a comment on it. The situation was quite bad, the enemy had already gotten over the walls you had pulled up all those years ago. He had already had a man of his own let the Jade Clan general there know that Dragon soldiers were coming to rescue and not to attack, so if things worked out, you could crowd out the attackers from two sides. If you were lucky enough you could bait them towards the river where they were more vulnerable. It didn’t sound like a bad plan at all and hearing Yixing’s strategies, you understood why he had won so many battles but what surprised you was that he didn’t intend to drown everyone in the river or kill them on the spot, he sounded like he hoped they would give up and retreat. You wouldn’t have thought that of the ruthless Zhang Yixing.

Knowing how wars worked was different than being there, in the middle of a battle, sweaty, limbs tired, blood dripping from the end of your sword and a painful bruise blossoming on your left shoulder. You saw red and adrenaline carried you as you shouted and attacked the next man with mace in his hand coming at you.

“Princess!” Someone screamed and you dodged the sword aiming at you just in time but its owner stepped closer, pushing you backwards on the slippery ground. You weren’t strong enough to push him back.

“Princess, huh? How interesting,” the man, covered in dirt and blood not his own, grinned at you, a hand clasping his hand around your throat, squeezing hard. You gasped, clawing at his arm with your free hand because he pushed the one that held the sword close to your chest with his. For the first time in your life, you felt powerless even with a weapon in your hand. You tried to kick and get away from the soldier but you couldn’t and felt disgusted by the names this disgusting leech called you.

You didn’t know how long you had fought back but the noises of the battle started to fade out when suddenly the man was yanked away from you but you still felt his blood splatter across your cheek as a sword pierced through his chest. Panting, gasping for air, you stared at Xukun behind the fallen soldier and he stared back at you, eyes glowing dark and golden. You smelled something burning...

You heard the screams before you had seen the source of sudden panic and shock.

You looked up to where everybody was pointing while running and you had seen a huge dragon appearing above the walls of Jade. Its fur and scales were dark like the night sky except a few gilded ones that looked like burning fire from afar while his antlers were long and ivory. It was terrifying yet beautiful. Its honey-coloured eyes gazed down upon you mere humans and it seemed to have a concrete target in its mind as it flew above you rippling the water and air behind.

Xukun grabbed your arm, trying to pull you away but his touch felt burning too and you couldn’t take your eyes off the dragon that halted in the air, levitating just above the ground, its huge head merely an arm away from Zhang Yixing who stood there alone, unmoving. It reminded you of the day when you threw your hairpin at him, how calm he was and you still couldn’t believe what you saw when the Dragon Clan’s leader lifted a hand and put it on its head as if he was trying to discipline a dog.

Thunder roared above and Xukun managed to pull you away now that everyone had scattered all over hell's half-acre. He took you farther, inside the wall of your nation and you only noticed that he must have been hurt when he stumbled and you had to catch him before he fell.

“Kun!” you shrieked, scared, the old nickname slipping naturally as you put his arm around your shoulder and pulled him inside of a half-destroyed house nearby. Your hands trembled as you let him sit down and then looked around to look for a lantern to light it.

In the dim lit room you kneeled next to the guard, his clothing soaked with his blood and you could see sweat forming on his forehead. How did it happen, you questioned, but it wasn’t the important thing. With a shaky breath, you reached out to peel off the bloody material from his chest to see the sword cut across one shoulder. You hissed seeing the fresh wound and all that blood. You cursed in frustration.

“Shh… it’s okay,” the boy whispered with droopy eyes, taking your hand, weakly pushing it away from the cut.

“It’s not okay,” you argued and you could feel tears in the corner of your eyes. Did he get hurt while trying to get to you? Did he forget to pay attention to himself because he saw you? You felt guilty and you hated that, you didn’t want to be the reason why he was hurt.

“There’s something you should know…” Kun coughed and grunted at the pain flashing through him. He had his eyes shut, teeth clenched and it hurt to look at him. “I– I heal faster than normal… The dragon blood that saved me…”

“I know,” you cut him off, not wanting him to exhaust himself with speaking. You could see him struggle, his eyes bright gold when he opened them briefly. His blood was working its magic.

To be honest, you didn’t know, you just had a guess up until now. His golden flashing eyes, the warmth radiating off him, how fast and soundless he could move or disappear leaving only smoke behind… It was because of the dragon inside of him.

There were legends saying that if a person spared a dragon, it would be bound to him for life and the blood of an alive dragon in a human would create a connection between the two. A connection that could call the other half if one felt threatened. Although it was just a theory, with the intensity of Kun’s eyes on you, the beautiful burning fire in his pupils made you believe you were right, that the dragon appeared because he feared for you.

There was a short cut growl leaving the boy’s mouth and you grabbed his hand, letting him squeeze yours while you could see his skin basically knitting itself back together, the wound closing in as if it had never been there. It might have been only a few minutes but it felt too long with how much it seemed to hurt the boy you had just saved your life. When it was over and he opened his eyes, they were plain brown again – your favourite though – and he looked tired.

Oh, thank the deities, you let out a relieved choked sound and you didn’t even notice you had been crying until Xukun didn’t wipe your tears off your cheek. He looked at you as if he had seen you for the first time, properly at least and you felt your lips tremble. Heavens, you had mourned him once and now you almost lost him again. Suddenly, a rush of emotions rippled through your body, your fingers tentatively touching the freshly healed skin.

“You’re so warm,” you whispered in awe since his skin was hotter than expected and you knew it wasn’t fever caused by the wound.

“Princess...” he muttered oh so gently and his hand, wet with your tears, slipping from your cheek to your neck, caressed your skin just like his voice caressed your soul.

“No,” you stopped him firmly and when confusion flashed in his orbs you told him to call you by your own name. It was a command, a request, a plea. It was everything and a sweet little nothing at the same time.

Kun’s eyes widened at the permission but pushed himself away from the wall to lean closer and he sighed your name into the seam of your mouth. You closed your eyes feeling his hot breath tingling on your lips and when he kissed you, you melted against him like wax melted near fire.

Once the storm passed, you could still feel Kun’s touch on you. It was like a vivid memory and it tasted sweet on your tongue even if you knew you were being naive.

You didn’t talk about it. About what it meant because you both knew you couldn’t. But you were stupid enough to forget about your other problems when you had seen the retreating army. Your people could be a bit more safe at least for a little while.

“Cai Xukun!” Another guard called out when he caught sight of his comrade next to you. He looked panicked and it scared you. What now? The man walking up to your duo looked at you warily before answering the question about his worried expression. “The king is injured.”

Oh. Interesting how it was what you had wanted since you had left home but now that Zhang Yixing was bedridden, you found yourself worrying and by the looks of it Kun too. The two of you were escorted to the king who lay on a makeshift bed, chest wrapped with a cloth that he had already bled through.

“What happened?” you questioned, looking from one soldier to another. This didn’t look like something caused by the dragon’s claws or teeth, it was definitely a human-caused injury and your guess was confirmed when one of the men told you that while he was trying to calm the dragon, someone from afar shot an arrow through him. It made you anxious because what if they captured the dragon? What would that have meant to your people, to Kun?

“And the dragon?”

“It chased them away and is probably in the mountains,” the man said and that made you a bit relieved even though you weren’t sure you were allowed to feel that while your fiance was bleeding out only a few steps from you. You nodded in acknowledgement and made a hand movement to excuse the soldiers. Soon, you were left with only Xukun in the room.

“Why isn’t he healing? Doesn’t he...” you looked at the boy, not understanding why the injury took its toll on the king when Xukun healed within an hour. Was it some kind of special arrow damped in poisonous liquid? Was it...

“No,” The guard cut your words off but you could already tell by the look on his face that it wasn’t how you thought. “He saved the dragon and it now serves him but he never got its blood and I… I think the dragon is hurt, too.”

“What?” you were dumbfounded how he could tell something like that when you had left the field together, so he couldn’t have known about this. Not by seeing it happen. But as Xukun clenched his hand in front of his chest as if he was hurting, you started to understand. They were indeed connected after all.

“I can feel it. I can’t explain but its energy...”

A hurt dragon in the mountains. A hurt king in the desert. Gosh, things really weren’t on the path you hoped them to be. You suddenly weren't sure what worried you more.

“Do you think the dragon is in danger?” you turned to Kun, fingers fidgeting with the handle of your sword by your side. If those from before knew that they managed to wound the creature, were they looking for it? Anyone who got control over a dragon could have immense power, you didn’t even want to think about it. Especially the dragon that had this special connection with the boy beside you.  “Go then. Help the dragon!”

He seemed surprised and conflicted at your nudging. He didn’t move, eyes flickering to the bed behind you.

“But Yixing...” His protest fell short when you quickly explained:

“I will stay with him and wait for the medic,” you promised but weren’t sure Xukun trusted you with something like this until he reached out to take your hands in his. His palm was warm like every other part of him too, his fingers felt nice against your dirtied, dry skin. He squeezed your hand gently in agreement.  

“Call for a shaman, too,” he added and you nodded with a lump in your throat. You needed to get prepared for any kind of situation.

You could have been called a loyal fiancée based on how you spent day and night next to Yixing, watching over his recovery. However, he didn’t get much better over the course of days and you didn’t hear about Xukun either. The only reassuring thing was that you weren’t attacked there, at the border of three Clans. You couldn’t leave either way because the king wasn’t well enough for such a long voyage and you wanted to be as close as the mountains anyway.

The medic said the arrow hit Yixing so close to his heart that it was a miracle that he was still breathing and it scared you more than you had expected. You let him change the bandage and stayed by the unconscious man, putting fresh wet cloth over his feverish forehead.

That night, marking the third without Xukun, the king stirred awake.

You looked up from your place beside his bed, startled. It was the first time he seemed more conscious than just to drink a bit of water or ginger soup because his eyes looked alert. For the first time since you had met him, he seemed scared.

“The dragon...” he croaked out with a hoarse voice due to not speaking for days.

“Xukun is looking after it,” you told him reassuringly and held a metal cup to the king’s chin, urging him to drink a bit. He gulped down the fresh water as if it was healing potion and once he finished with the entire cup, he fell back onto the sheets with a painful sigh. Closing his eyes, he traced his ribs until he reached the bloody bandage over his wound and hissed. He must have suffered more than he showed.

“I would have never thought I would have my fiancée look after me after a battle,” the man whispered, deep voice weak and uncertain, a little playful though. Although his words were conveying the truth, it made you feel like someone who committed adultery. You knew you didn’t swear either loyalty nor love to each other with the king but after learning how he had saved your first love from certain death, you didn’t want to do something like this to him. You needed to come clean even if the timing was quite off. 

“With all due respect, Zhang Yixing, I’m afraid I can't marry you,” you said quietly, expecting a frown or a scolding but none of it came. Maybe because he was injured but he didn’t react at all and for a moment you thought he had fallen back asleep but then he slowly opened his eyes again and turned his head to be able to look you in the eye.

“I had a feeling,” he nodded calmly. He didn’t seem angry nor disappointed. He had already said your father’s proposal was an odd one, one with interesting timing. There was nothing interesting about it, it was just a strategy, a plan you didn’t want to follow anymore. But before you could have spoken up, to apologize, to ask whether it meant your alliance was off, Yixing continued: “Xukun treasures you too much. He was the one who urged me to trust your father.”

“He… Did he tell you about me before we met?” Words stumbled out of your mouth before you could have stopped them. You were more than dumbfounded to know that. Had Xukun known about your father’s wish to marry you to Zhang Yixing even before he agreed? Was it him because of whom the king agreed at all? And here you thought that he had been just another guard, loyal to his king until death.

“He talked about you all the time,” the man reminisced with a faint smile on his lips as he stared at the ceiling. “He always says how I saved his life back then but with him here, not being able to return home, I feel like I have taken his life instead. Taking you from him would have been even worse.”

You cast your eyes down bashfully as you listen to him talk. Yixing’s side of the story was an interesting one as well. Learning how he didn’t save Xukun out of the kindness of his heart but because he wanted intelligence was something you could understand, something you could relate to as you lived in a world like that after all. You couldn’t even be angry, not when he told you how they had become friends over the years. As the king drifted back to sleep, you thought that maybe you could become friends as well, maybe you could still be allies. You didn’t necessarily have to be enemies.

But once being enemies, it was hard to forget and not everybody had the same insights as you.

You woke up to a small noise, only to open your eyes to see one of your own soldiers from Jade Clan stepping inside the tent. You had always felt safe next to your guards but this time, something was off.

“What are you doing here?” you questioned as you sprang to your feet from the seat you accidentally fell asleep in.

“Princess,” the guard bowed with respect. Though, he was clearly surprised to see you still there and you could see the hint of hesitation in his eyes before he answered. “I am here as per your father’s wish.”

You furrowed your brows. You hadn’t been notified of anything like this.

“My father’s wish?” you raised a brow, looking at the man expectantly but he didn’t reply, not with words at least. Instead he took out a small glass bottle with familiar yellow-ish liquid inside. It made the blood freeze in your veins.

“That wasn’t the plan,” you reminded the man even though you hadn’t even known your father told anybody else about it. Didn’t he trust you or… 

“It wasn’t your plan but your father had doubts whether you could do it with a cold heart. That’s why he sent me,” your guard informed you dutifully and your brain kept coming up with reasons why this was a terrible idea. It would have been much easier if Zhang Yixing was indeed the tyrant you had imagined him but after learning about his personality and starting to form an amicable acquaintance with him, it just didn’t make sense.

“I’m not the queen yet,” you objected but the guard didn’t seem to care.

He explained how the public sentiment had changed in your favour just because you stayed with the injured king in the last few days and there was something in his explanation that was quite logical: if Yixing passed away now, nobody would have looked for a murderer because he was already on his deathbed. Nobody would have known he didn’t die from the arrow. Nobody needed to know. But… it wasn’t the plan. If he died then, without a queen or heir, the Dragon Clan would remain without a leader and neighbouring nations would all want their pieces of it. If they got to know about the dragon too…

“It’s a chance we can’t waste. We need to prioritize the safety of Jade Clan,” your guard reminded you and for a moment you were stuck. If it hadn’t been for Xukun, you might have done it within a heartbeat, not even considering other options because Zhang Yixing was a dangerous man but now… you were torn, unsure what to believe. Your uncertainty must have been written on your face because your guard pushed the bottle into your hands, encouraging you to make a move and you gulped, too busy with your internal turmoil to react fast enough when you got company.

Four of the masked guards of Yixing stepped into the tent, one of them immediately slicing the throat of your man which made you scream. Two guards held you back from behind, not letting you move, to get any weapon while another one walked up to you, his dark eyes trained on you, his bloody dagger aimed at your throat. He forced the little glass bottle out of your hands.

“There was always something off with you, Princess. You should have been hung the moment you dared to fling your hairpin at the king,” he said, disgusted and you couldn't quite blame him. You raised your chin though, proud because as a royal it was expected of you even when you looked into the eyes of death. You weren't afraid of dying, you had walked out to the battlefield earlier with that mindset too, it was just… you wished you could have said goodbye to Kun.

You knew that the only reason the guard didn't kill you off like he did with your man was because you were a royal. If you died by a hand of a guard of the Dragon Clan, you knew your father would have gone to war against them and you also knew he would have lost which broke your heart even more. 

"So what now? Will you kill me too, in the name of justice because one of my men blabbered? You have no idea what we even talked about!" you accused the guard of making a scene over nothing because as of now prolonging the conversation was your best chance. Either Yixing could wake up and stop them, if he believed you didn't want to hurt him any more, or your other guards could show up as well.

"I have a good enough guess, Princess, but of course, you can prove your innocence by drinking this. If it isn't poison, you have nothing to lose, am I right?" the man turned the small glass bottle between his fingers. You didn't show reaction to that even though you knew you were going to die if you drank it all. But at least it was said to be a fast killer. You were contemplating whether you should have taken it and then spit it out saying it was bitter for your 'princess taste' because he wouldn't have been able to prove anything then. He could still kill you though but maybe it was worth a chance.

However, before you could have decided the tent's entrance flew open and a very dishevelled looking Xukun showed up. He looked like he was running and hadn't slept properly in days. The presence of guards, his comrades, seemed to surprise him, the dagger at your throat even more.

"What's going on here?" he asked in an authoritative voice even though you weren't sure he had a bigger rank just because he was friends with Yixing.

"The princess and her guard were caught trying to poison the king."

"That's not true!" You protested heavily looking for eye contact with Xukun, hoping he would believe you. It was all just a terrible misunderstanding. Once you might have wanted to cause harm but you had no reason anymore, not if you signed the Lotus pact with Yixing like you had agreed. When you met Kun's gaze, it was confused but not unkind.

"Then prove it, Princess," the older man said and pushed the blade closer to your neck where your earlier scar was still visible. The situation seemed to scare Xukun but you didn't want him to save you again, you only needed him to believe you. He seemed to think differently though.

"Let her go and lower your weapon, we don't have time for this," he stood in front of you pushing the man's hand away and flashing his golden eyes at the guards you kept you caged. Their hands immediately loosened their hold as Kun lifted his bag. "I have the dragon blood. Where is the shaman?"

One of the guards ran off with the bag to fetch the shaman but you could only breathe peacefully for a moment. Then the masked man with a slit across his eye crowded you and Xukun into a corner.

"My bad. Why would I have thought that you of all people can be rational? Do you think you were so discreet about disappearing, just the two of you? Are you maybe in it too? Did the two of you, Jade bastards, plan to get rid of our king to take over?" With each of his words, he poked Kun's chest with his index finger until the younger swatted his hand away. His voice didn't waver as he answered:

"If you really think that after all the fights we fought together, I feel very distraught," he said with his voice so cold like you never heard it before. Xukun's pride must have been on the line with his loyalty being questioned just because of his connection – maybe affection? – to you because the next thing you knew was him grabbing the glass bottle out of the other man's hand. "You know what? I'll prove it to you!" 

“Kun, no!” You grabbed his hands in panic, closing your fingers around his, so he couldn't lift the poison to his lips. Was he crazy? Did he want to die just for you to follow?

Or oh… he believed you. He really believed you and that it wasn't poison in the first place or maybe he believed you had nothing to do with it and knew nothing of it because when his eyes locked with yours, he seemed surprised that you stopped him.

You were both startled when the shaman arrived with the finished potion but before he could have stepped to the injured king, the man in front of you lifted his hand. Although you couldn't see his mouth, you would have bet he pulled it into a malicious smirk.

"Ah look at that, trying to save him from harm, how touching," he tsked, mocking before he pointed at the potion in the shaman hands and then at the bottle in Xukun's. “How about this? One cup has dragon blood that could save the Dragon Clan’s last son. The other which you claim isn't poison was retrieved from your room by your own guard. Choose wisely, Princess, what to give our king because your hero will drink the other one.”

“Why are you doing this?” you shrieked, having enough of this mind game of his. You knew he was just a loyal guard of Yixing and you couldn't blame him for not trusting you but did he have to go this far to make you suffer?

“I cannot let the filthy Jade Clan take over the Dragon Clan. So you either save him or be executed for killing him which was your original plan, wasn’t it?”

"Save the king, Princess," Xukun told you, determined and maybe he had a plan, a better one than you or at least you hoped. You looked him in the eyes mouthing Please don't at him but he just smiled. How could he act so nonchalant? "Trust me," he whispered.

You let go of his hands and maybe it was a mistake because he had told you: he owed Yixing his life. You barely stepped to the bed of the king, lifting his head to help the shaman give him the potion when you heard glass breaking. When you lifted your head you saw Xukun swaying, barely grabbing on a chair to stop him from falling and the broken glass was by his feet. The liquid from inside was nowhere which meant…

"Kun!" you screamed trying to run up to him, to help, to do anything but the guards turned towards you with their sword out and you could only do one thing, listen to the boy who had once saved you when the stable's roof collapsed onto you, he hovered over your body with his to save you from the impacts of the falling pieces. He always did.

So when Kun told you to run, you ran. Back to your own tent to get your sword to be able to fight off and it was ridiculous how only a few days ago you fought alongside these men but now they wanted to kill you. Oh, how fast the tables turn but maybe you deserved this, maybe you deserved to die for killing the boy you loved since you had been 16 and had given him your first kiss under the stars. You might not have a future but you wanted to believe nevertheless, but you ruined it all.

You felt tears running down on your cheeks as you dodged the daggers and swords coming your way, hissing when one managed to cut your arm. You ran, you didn't look where, you just wanted to get away. If you killed Yixing's men, peace wouldn't have been an option, so you needed to escape, that was the only way to stop another war.

You stumbled when a huge shadow overtowered you and heard the scared muffled sounds of the soldiers following you as well. Gulping, you looked up at the majestic dragon in front of you, its nostrils flaring and smoke coming out of its mouth as it huffed. It stood above you, staring at the soldiers behind you as if… as if it was protecting you. It made you feel safe, like Xukun, and gosh, you just cried harder because he was trying to save you even now. You fell onto your knees, not knowing what to do with this information and then…

"It isn't nice of you to chase my fiancée away from me, is it?" Yixing roared in a forever calm voice and through your tears you could barely believe your eyes when you saw him walk towards you. And not just him, it was Xukun who helped him move because he must have still been in pain. But how?

The masked guards seemed just as flabbergasted as you were. But Kun, oh the deities, Kun looked almost smug as he passed by them after Yixing pushed him towards you. Then he ran, ran until he knelt next to you, taking your face into his hands. You touched him as if you didn't believe he was real.

"I didn't want to…"

"I know," he assured you with a stupid smile on his stupid face like he did back in that ruined house where he kissed you like you were his life line.

"I can't believe you drank the poison! How could you be sure your blood would fight it off?" you whisper-yelled at him, hitting his chest all too weakly and he laughed, too. The nerve of him!

"I wasn't but Princess, I would drink poison over and over again if it tasted like you," he said with a smirk and you would have bet Yixing told him about your agreement because otherwise he wouldn't have been so daring. Or was it the near death experience? Or the thought of losing each other all over again? The wars might have been still messy, politics stressing, but in that moment, you didn't care, you just closed your eyes and kissed Kun back when he pressed his lips against yours, happily burning with him.

[captaincarriekathryncoffee]

For the ‘send me a fandom’ ask: voyager!

YESSSS 😃!

The first character I first fell in love with: None other than Kathryn Janeway. I still remember, it was in the 1st season episode ‘Resistance’, the scene where she breaks into the jail- y’all know the one- and her SMILE, and then the legs, and... well, it was definitely a ‘oh, I am NOT straight’ moment 😉. Chakotay is a close second-when ‘Resolutions’ came around I fell HARD 🥰.

The character I never expected to love as much as I do now: B’Elanna Torres! Her struggles with anger and depression really resonated with me- plus she’s just adorable.

The character everyone else loves that I don’t: Going with a one-off character here: Kashyk. Everyone thinks he was SUCH a great foil/romantic interest for Kathryn; NO. He was just a manipulative a-hole.

The character I love that everyone else hates: Neelix! Everyone is so quick to judge him by his early jealousy over Kes-which I’ve seen theorized could be the result of PTSD, which honestly makes sense- but looking past that, he is really such a kind, caring and wise character.

The character I used to love but don’t any longer: I can’t do this one. They are all my babies and I love them unconditionally.

The character I would totally smooch: It’s pretty close between a few of them (Janeway, Harry, B’Elanna), but the win goes to Chakotay. I mean, have you SEEN those lips 🤤😘?!

The character I’d want to be like: Janeway, no question.

The character I’d slap: Tom Paris. Overall he’s a great guy, but can be a bit of a jerk sometimes sometimes, so a slap might come in handy.

A pairing that I love: If you know me, you know this isn’t even a question 😆! (These two 💕⬇️)

A pairing that I despise: The ship that must NEVER be spoken of (Chakotay/Seven).

[hominginstinct]

Ayo I read your essay and I hope you don't mind addition but IMO, I dont think Phillip and Roland are supposed to be parallel or Roland seeing himself in Phillip. Phillip's entire theme seems to just be him accepting his sorrow and sadness and act upon said sadness, this is reflected even in his corrupted Distortion form where Argalia noted that "poor thing, he just wants to cry" rather than a burning anger like with Xiao or Roland. Arguably the part of embracing sorrow could stretch to Roland since that man also has that things going on but ultimately they went on a complete different direction as character for me to feel said parallel imo which maybe for the best

And I think Roland kinda just generally allergic to the general mindset of "I sacrifice other people/myself for the better good" in general which said mindset is spoon fed to us before the Wedge Office reception which is understandable since the entire working of the Wings and the City is also just sacrificing people for humanity advancement which he himself loathes and has been hint to even be a victim of it one or few time so it would explain why he would not take well to Phillip without having to feel related to him honestly

yeah no i totally appreciate the addition! i don't necessarily disagree with your points. unlike xiao or yan, philip doesn't directly parallel roland or angela. but i do think he's still representative of roland, especially because he's part of the ensemble.

the rest of the post is under a read more because this one's even longer (and also quotes a few passages). also i'm gonna refrain from talking about the songs because that would turn into an entire essay of its own. warning for endgame spoilers under the cut.

the members of the ensemble all represent some aspect of roland (and the trauma of the city in general): deception (pluto), alienation (elena), a loss of control (jae-heon), conformity (eileen), his "that's how the world works" attitude (tanya), and so on. the sephirot represent an opposing point of view on the beliefs held by the ensemble members.

philip himself is juxtaposed against malkuth, who feels that she's responsible for, well, everything. believing that she would be helping carmen and the experiments, she only accelerated the lab's demise. being resurrected in lobotomy corporation makes her feel like she has to atone for her sins, but that only leads to covering up her guilt by adapting a "weakness is death" mentality. after her meltdown, malkuth finds the will to face her past, to see her mistakes for what they are and learn from them. meanwhile, what philip wants is to live in a world where he wouldn't feel desire or loss. a world without greed, where he wouldn't be hurt in the pursuit of happiness. a world without history, where he wouldn't have to confront his past or his mistakes.

in general, philip is set up as a foil to xiao. they both deal with very similar topics, like love, survivor's guilt, and greed/loss, but their situations end very differently. roland does directly resemble xiao, and his connection to philip is a lot more abstract (his agony is abstract and enormous, after all). i don't think philip is meant to really parallel roland in his entirety, but to instead represent roland's history and future, the conflict inside him, his choices.

at the end, his despair and greed could consume and distort him entirely, forever cutting off his potential for change. once he kills angela in his bad ending, he's just an empty husk with a gaping void -- there's nothing left of him but his sorrow. alternatively, he could let go of his grudges and make the choice he wants to, selfishly "abandoning" angelica so that he can move forward, like xiao did.

with regards to wedge office, i do agree that he's probably talking about the city, rather than thinking about his own motivations. however, i also feel that the distinction doesn't necessarily matter. from the wedge office pre-battle cutscene:

Roland: Few things are as dangerous and nasty as selfishness in the guise of “for the sake of someone else”…

Angela: I think I know what you mean. The determination to work for the good of others can be a dreadful and loathsome weapon.

Angela: Especially if one strongly believes that the justice they’re pursuing is worth sacrificing for…

Angela: They’re blinded by self-righteousness, and have no regards for their surroundings. They don’t care what happens to others.

Angela: They justify themselves for pressing forward pursuing their justice, crushing everything in their way…

Roland: Wow… This might be the first time we understood each other for real. I’m touched, man.

angela is definitely talking about ayin here, but ayin's cruelty is all she's ever known. she doesn't know how to live without hurting and taking things from others. roland is in pretty much the exact same situation in relation to the city. he despises the city and the cruelty it runs on, but he doesn't know anything else. that's the exact reason the ensemble exists in the first place; the city is structured to inflict trauma on its inhabitants, and they're forced to inflict trauma on others to survive.

roland is dangerous, nasty, and selfish, all in the name of someone else. up to this point, he's been making the excuse that he's living for someone else, telling himself that he's getting revenge for angelica's sake. he turns a blind eye towards his own feelings and mistakes, and tells himself that he's nothing like philip -- that's that, and this is this, after all. ironically, that only makes him more like philip.

i don't think he consciously recognizes philip as being anything like him. i do think that his hatred for himself and his hatred for the city are essentially the same thing. what philip's going through reminds him of his own guilt and trauma, of the ugliness of the city -- the same ugliness that festers within himself.

furthermore, angela knowing exactly what he's talking about, roland remarking that they see eye-to-eye for once... that one feels a lot different after roland's speech after the black silence fight:

Roland: A dimwitted egoist whose sight is limited by their own selfishness… A proper fool chasing after immediate results…

Roland: That’s what you are. And who I am…

Roland: The same logic that dictates us was bound to be our downfall one day…

Roland: If we really cared for ourselves… Neither of us should have made this choice.

Roland: It won’t last long that way… Being selfish isn’t about keeping an eye on yourself and nothing else.

Roland: We had to take a good look at the things around us and engrave them in our hearts.

Roland: Everything is interlinked, after all…

and sorry for pulling out philip's ensemble page again, but i do think that it beautifully describes the true ending, for both roland and angela.

Even the failures and misery of the past were all part of the voyage leading up to this moment, so I'm thankful that I managed to achieve something for once. I might have drowned in my own tears and sorrow back then, but ultimately, I'm grateful for the choice I made… and all the things in the world.

all this has really just been a messy and long-winded way of saying: that's this, and this is that. but hey, this game's all about the journey, right? hopefully this was an interesting read at least, haha.

[queerpontmercy]

pick four characters and then roll a d4 for each of these numbers to determine which char to answer for: 1 4 5 6 17 22 24 26 39 27 51 57 60

tumblr did me so dirty but I finally got all of these in one doc, thank you <3 I decided to alternate between my Beam Saber pilots for character #4, so we have Solace “Trash Panda“ Altiora the infiltrator, and Dr. Finch Tandem, the officer/cat herder. Put under a cut because fuck this is so long...

What does Solace typically keep in his pockets?

I rolled a 3 for Leucien, but I already described his pockets, so...Solace is messy and generally keeps a tube of lipstick within easy reach, which means inevitably he’s also got a few tissues stuffed in a pocket from the last time he had to apply blot it. Other than that, he always has at least one knife on him, and that could feasibly be in a pocket. No, he’s not just happy to see you. 

Other than that, you know he’d never tell but honestly? I think he keeps his old prayer beads on his person, despite having left the Cenotaph both physically and spiritually. There’s something grounding about them: something organic in a world full of unforgiving machinery and vastly unknowable AIs, perhaps. It’s still soothing. Shut up. 

4. If Tanith was a work of art, how would you describe her?

This is such an interesting question for Tanith-- the most important bit for her would be that it’s something functional and beautiful, made lovelier still by use. A well-loved sea shanty with lyrics that keep time out on the water, a handsome medicine chest with fanciful carvings of beasts on each wooden panel…oooooh maybe a set of three nesting clay pots/jars! The first one is big and solid, rough gray-green with a fitted lid and decorations like barnacles and limpets, and below that is one with blue and brown glazes, pooling and mixing into each other, and the last (smallest) one is delicate and porcelain, almost opalescent from within where the light hits it, with the most simple, graceful curved shape It’s meant to house something rare and precious. 

5. How does Tanith express she’s comfortable?

She doesn’t like to sit in her emotions or thoughts, and spends a lot of time trying to transmute them into practical action. You’d know she’s comfortable if she let herself be still, taking in the world with quiet acceptance, and told you what was on her mind-- what she saw, or remembered, or was thinking about, without worry, just being. 

6. How does Fen express that they’re uncomfortable?

Fenestra argues about stupid shit-- pedantry in particular is such a refuge. Having a hill to die on helps her feel slightly in control, since feeling powerless is definitely one of the things that makes her most uncomfortable. She’d never admit to it, but it’s also a way to knock Threats down a peg or two. 

17. Does Leucien swear? What’s his favorite phrase/word?

For sure, but since Leu is 3 feet tall, he almost certainly got the “ohhhh i had no idea, you’re so iiiiinnocent~” treatment after saying one (1) fuck word. I was tonight years old when I learned he’s partial to “oh balls,” which is decidedly not one of my (Sketch’s) phrases, but I guess it makes sense intrinsically? Most swear words are either profane, sexual, or insulting/derogatory. Gnomes in this campaign aren’t religious, culturally speaking, and he’s not the kind to start a fight. 

Now that means there’s actually a good chance that he has at least once, in a fit of extreme frustration, blurted out “Aerum’s b--” before very hastily correcting to “face, face, I was gonna say face.”

I’m shocked I have so much to say about this, but...he was an academic, and I also have a strong hunch that he had a terrible little pretentious phase where all his swear words came from Old Gnomish or Dwarvish or oooh, maybe languages his old friend Aza had picked up, but...at this point he reasons it’s better to say the things in Everendian/Common if you want people to know what you’re saying. 

22. What kind of person would Finch never side with?

Finch would never side with a landlord cop bully. Well, definitely not a landlord or cop either. But man, the kind of leader who throws their weight around for the sake of it and intimidates innocent people into carrying out their orders? They really, truly despise ‘em. And leaders who treat the individuals under their wing as pieces of a calculated risk rather than full people. They’d honestly rather die than become that kind of leader. 

24. What’s a controversial food opinion Leucien would have?

Pineapple on pizza is good actually you guys are just mean

Leu thinks the fact that there’s such a thing as “controversial food opinions” is fascinating. He’ll try anything once, so point-blank disregarding something as disgusting feels like snobbery to him. And even badly-cooked food can tell you so much about the people who make it, so and that learning’s a pleasure in and of itself. 

26. What would Tanith want for her funeral?

In Tanith’s culture, dying orcs are dressed in burial clothes, shrouded, and left to make their “final voyage” on their own in quiet contemplation. She would uphold this tradition. Burial and scattering of ashes at sea are common, but I actually think Tanith might want to be buried at the “interfaith” shrine she established on the mainland post-campaign-- Ishka willing, to be its guardian and perhaps, in a way, guide the lost on their journeys after her death. 

She would certainly want her dear friends and party members to speak in her memory at a ceremony, especially Cae and Avris, who saw her through so much. Nothing prepared. Just what comes from the heart in the moment. Perhaps she has also transcribed an old Orcish lullaby for her beloved Anya to play at the end, with the music drifting through the air and quietly dissipating, like sea foam as it hits the shore. 

27. If they were a ghost, how would Solace haunt in the afterlife?

Solace would be such a chaotic asshole ghost but he’d have the time of his (after)life. He already has such a great time being a local cryptid as it is, convincing people that an abandoned amusement park or shopping mall might be haunted. It’d be even worse in death. The thing is, if he was a ghost and knew nothing could hurt him, he’d be even more unsubtle, he’d really want to see the impact of his tricks and shenanigans for once after a lifetime or lurking. 

39. What does Finch believe their party lacks?

Finch knows that their squad has each other’s backs in the practical way-- they’ve seen teammates trauma out or take major damage protecting each other. But they think that what the Intrepid is missing is emotional vulnerability, and it’s important? If we’re not honest with ourselves, how can we be honest with each other? It keeps them up at night sometimes. 

51. What makes Tanith a hypocrite?

She’ll forgive everyone except herself, obviously. Since she was able to get some closure with her ex Kleiya, who didn’t die but was transported to another plane, she hasn’t been nearly as consumed with guilt over who she used to be, but still? She’ll tell someone not to burn out all at once, she’ll tell someone they’re good just as they are, and never believe it herself. :/ 

57. How does the way Leucien acts seemingly contradict his ability scores?

FitD scores don’t translate as well, so...Leu it is! 

He’s got +3 charisma, but he’s the most awkward man in all of existence and can’t be normal for even two seconds. I actually don’t think it’s that contradictory; charisma is a force of personality, after all, and Leu’s got that. He became an object of cult worship in a matter of months, after all...But also I do think he’s got an endearing, bookish, understated charm, and hey, that’s a kind of charisma. D&D often makes charisma out to be the smooth-talking seduction stat, but I really enjoy when it can be more than that.

He’s also got decently high wisdom, but I’ve been playing him with small dog energy. We’ll figure it out, I suppose.

60. Who does Fenestra go to when she needs to bounce ideas off of someone?

Fenestra has a littol greyromantic wtf-is-this crush on Eli, another of the Oracle’s apprentices. :3 They have honed different ways of seeing the future. Fen captures big fragmented portents that don’t make sense until later, whereas Eli is a lot more scrupulous, and tends to focus on details and possibilities, mapping out the pieces of a butterfly effect. They really respect his different way of thinking; it’s been incredibly helpful, and if she were feeling mentally stuck Fen would go to him, no question. He’d listen.

[gaytoxe]

Afterglow

ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22343230

The stars are almost hard to see, but Momota refuses to let them disappear from his sight, even if visions of his death voyage to space spark in his mind every now and then. And despite the fact he knows half the stars are long gone, only their after-images remaining, he doesn’t want to let them go.

Dark purple adorn the skin beneath his eyes, focused on the dots of light painted across the night sky. The moon’s halo of light shines, and all Momota can really think about is the events that lead up to that moment; the path he followed to finally grasp freedom from those sickening walls of white and continue tightening his hold on it, fearful that if he softened for even a moment, it would be pried from his hands again.

It’s been a week since he and Ouma were released from Team Danganronpa’s clutches, finally able to stare at more than just cars and commute out the window and hear more than just the same nurse’s voice or all the commotion that comes with being in a hospital in the city surrounded by streets and cars at night.

He remembers the first night he was released being so exhilarating he could scream out anything that popped into his head and not care even a sliver. Yell and shout and run until his whole body was sore, until his lungs were burning, until he couldn’t move a single inch anymore. To taste something, anything, other than terrible hospital food hammered it into his gut that he wasn’t blocked in by the walls of the little room he loathed no matter how many times he stayed there.

He’s not a fictional character pieced together carefully to follow a narrative created to please an audience; he’s real. No one is watching him, and he’s not just a character to use for publicity or to take from until he’s empty and hollow so that Team Danganronpa can boast about how “good” their stupid 53rd season was. All he could feel was deceit when he constantly checked the channels on TV, wondering, waiting, to see if anything changed. And he despised it.

He despised how many people enjoyed watching their own suffering, unable to shut their damn mouths about how it should’ve gone or how much they loved the trials, and Momota is sure that the title he used to do proudly exclaim to everyone he met would die with the rest of the parts of him that had already croaked.

He isn’t sure he wants them to come back.

He didn’t expect to spend New Year’s Eve reminiscing on the one thing that threw his whole entire life out of its original orbit, a tiny part of himself loathing how terribly he’s still shaken by everything.

“And Momota-chan told me to go to bed.”

Momota almost flinches and whirls around to see Ouma standing there, voice accusatory as his gaze pierces right through him. He’s silent, words lodged in his throat.

“Stargazing,” is what he finally settles on.

“Momota-chan is always stargazing,” he says, stepping forward and standing beside him, head tilting upward to stare up at the same dark abyss Momota had begun losing himself in and drowned out the rest of the world.

Momota exhales heavily, allowing himself to drift again once his eyes settle on the sky, trying to distract himself with figuring out which stars were only projections of light, after years and years destined to fade out and disappear from the world forever. In some odd way, he finds himself comparing it to all the Ultimate Astronaut was. A title seemingly normal, just like all the others, only to realize it hadn’t ever been alive for an eternity’s worth while. Simply a projection of light, of an identity, and nothing more.

And yet, as much as he wants to believe it, he doesn’t want to get to know the feeling of being unknown to even himself. To not know what kind of star he is and which path he is set to follow, never even knowing what stage in his life he’s currently experiencing.

“I’m just—“ Momota swallows hard, leaning against the railing— “—thinking.”

“All Momota-chan does is think. He thinks and thinks and thinks, and then he keeps it all to himself, all too happy with everyone else forgetting about it and returning back to the norm of relying on him,” Ouma tells him, eyeing him from the side, not allowing him to squirm out of talking, and Momota knows he’s right.

He fumbles with his mind, his words, his entire being, everything he first concluded he knew about himself tossed into a pit of uncertainty as his eyes fall in and out of focus, searching for something to escape the eyes staring right at him, waiting to catch even a small glimpse of what he’s trying so hard to shield from not only him, but the rest of the world.

He didn’t mind letting Saihara and Harukawa forget about the mishaps and accidental flashes of weakness, in fact all too excited to let it slip through the seems and keep it hidden, acting as if nothing happened. “I’m fine” and “don’t worry about me” was enough for them, and it was enough for him.

But he knows Ouma is different, and he’s not planning to let him off the hook and let all the slivers of weakness and tiny lies sneak by without repercussions.

“I don’t—“ Momota swallows, hard— “—I don’t know who the hell I am anymore. I thought— I thought leaving the hospital would help, but it’s left me as fucking lost as when I was there. And I can’t stop thinking about what I’m supposed to do from here, what I’m supposed to think about all of this shit.”

It was easier to revert back to the Ultimate Astronaut, the title he always had and thought he’d known, but at the same time, he’s not sure he wants all the things that come with it. All the guilt, the weight, the constant need to climb the ever growing pillars that never stop getting taller and taller, the stress of his grandparents needing him to be the perfect boy that travelled to space one day and made them proud.

“I— and I fucking killed you, Ouma,” he chokes out, hands shaking, remorse twisting his stomach. “Even if we’ve said sorry and shit, I can’t stop thinking about it. It sticks in my brain and never leaves. I—“ he tries to spit it out— “—have nightmares about it.” His last words come out quiet and fragile, never spoken to anyone but himself in his mind, only ever kept locked up and sealed away because no one ever asked and he never told them, not used to being so terribly open he feels like cringing from his words; it leaves a sour taste in his mouth, leaving him wishing he’d never said anything at all.

“Momota-chan is so impatient,” Ouma tells him, turning towards him and approaching him. “He thinks he has to figure these big decisions out by himself in seconds, refusing help from anyone, but it only sends him in circles.”

Momota is silent, eyes averting to stare at anything but Ouma’s face, even though he knows what he’s saying is right, but when he does meet those lilac irises, they’ve been waiting for him to look ever since they laid eyes on him. They look like stained glass, shining as they stare at him.

“I— I know.” Momota resists the urge to look away, to try and deflect, even if it bubbles in his throat the wrong way and feels so unknown he doesn’t know what to do.

Ouma continues stepping towards him until his frail arms wrap around him, pulling him into an embrace that Momota didn’t realize he needed until his arms were around him.

“The nightmares,” Ouma mumbles, gently gripping the back of Momota’s shirt with a knowing tone laced into his voice that gently presents itself. “We’ll figure out. Together.”

Momota’s arms, almost out of instinct, hug Ouma closer, eyes glassy. “Yeah,” he chokes out, tears pricking the lids of his eyes, fingers gently stroking his hair. “We’ll— we’ll figure it out. Together.”

The tears that roll down his cheeks turn icy from the air, almost as if they could freeze in place as soon as they escaped his eyes, but Ouma gazes up at him and cups his cheek, gently wiping them away with his thumb.

Momota’s grandparents always told him he was meant to be a star, meant to go to space and become the brightest star in the sky they always knew he could be.

Looking at Ouma’s eyes, how they shine in the moonlight, caring and lovingness embedded in his irises, with soft hands clutching on to him and refusing to let go, he isn’t sure he’s the brightest star out there in the vastness of the universe, among the millions and millions of balls of light glimmering in the night.

[jotunvali02]

I see that many Star Trek focused bloggers started to follow me. Since I’m no Star Trek specialist, just a big fan amongst others and a big Mcspirk shipper too but I wanted to precise two things since I’ve met these two problems regularly on many ST blogs, so if you’re not concerned by it, please disregard this post and don’t take it personally:

I don’t praise or agree with any kind of hater, whether they hate a real person or a fictional character. I just don’t want hate on my dash, let alone gratuitous hate.

In that regard, I will never post or reblog:

Sth that bashes Bill Shatner. I have no clue why so many fans hate him so much and frankly I don’t care at all and don’t want to know about the whys and hows. I bet most are groundless and based on rumors instead of solid evidence. I don’t know the man personally and never will. I only know his acting work and will strictly stick to it. His private life is of no concern of mine and neither should it be of yours. Neither have I the least interest in his personal opinions about this or that. Why does it seem so important to you?

Sth that’s obviously less serious, even not serious at all, just personal since I love the character: I’ll never reblog posts that make Sarek pass as an abusive, neglecting or incompetent father. Some ppl seem to forget Spock also has a mother, (and it’s really not nice for Amanda to be dismissed like that) and that Sarek is a fucking full-blooded Vulcan and so have less clues than Spock about emotions, let alone how to deal with them. Just watch Star Trek Next Generations series. I don’t know if the JJ Abrams movies or ST Discovery are in cause but if they are, lemme tell you they appallingly mischaracterized him! Yes, he and Spock never had an easy relationship, it even was down the gutter the first time we see Sarek in TOS but sorry not sorry Sarek AND Spock were both to blame. Surely Sarek wasn’t the affectionate dad Spock might have needed, but again Sarek is a Vulcan. He never really let Spock decide over his future, but again Vulcans, not just Sarek, aren’t the type to let their children decide over their own future and rather follow the traditions. BUT I remind you Spock never talked about his problems to his parents though BOTH of them would have liked him to do so, he sometimes played hooky for days never giving any sign of life to his parents, I won’t teach you nothing if I tell you Sarek and Amanda must have been worried to death in these moments, BUT I might teach you a thing if I tell you Sarek himself was the one to look for his son when that happened. 

And if you still think Sarek doesn’t care for his son Spock:

You know NO shit at all about Sarek,

Watch the movies Search for Spock and the Voyage Home. Maybe Star Trek Generations too, tho I don’t quite like what they’ve done with Spock. 

And read the ST novels and comics too, they have plenty of Sarek material.

Sarek, just like many traditionalist parents, just followed the customs and habits he has been raised with and did what he thought best for his children, again if you think he despises his children you don’t know the character at ALL, his only wrongdoing was to never question Vulcan ways until very very late. If Spock himself was the first to praise Vulcan ways and traditions as superior, I can’t imagine how other, older, full-blooded, more tradtionalist Vulcans saw their way of life! If Sarek and most of Vulcans thought their customs were the best, why questioning it? Hell, Sarek even started to ask Spock to teach him friendship, for Sha Ka Ree’s sake! He even raised and cared for a Human child! With the initial idea to have Spock welcoming his human, emotional part! Something Sarek perfectly knew he couldn’t help Spock with because again I remind you, Sarek is a full-blooded Vulcan! He brought in a Human child so Spock would feel better about himself and his difference! While he already had a Human wife! While Human race is extremely frowned upon by the purist Vulcan society!

How can one be more caring for their children than him??

He rushed from the other part of the galaxy, telling his Ambassador’s work to fuck off, just to explode at Kirk for abandoning his dying son on an unknown planet (Genesis)! He told Spock he was wrong for disagreeing with his son’s enrollment in Starfleet because that’s Starfleet folks who brought his son back! Just... just watch The Voyage Home’s end!  

I LOVED Sarek in Journey to Babel’s episode and have been loving him ever since!

He and Spock have so much more in common than genes and some of you are woefully clueless about it!

In short, don’t expect me to hate on Shatner or Sarek.

I don’t see the point in hating the first and I LOVE the second.

[teabooksandsweets]

Some time ago I saw a post on tumblr that basically said that all Lewis said was bad about the Scrubbs was actually good, and that that was somehow a sign of how bad an influence Christianity was on him. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen several posts or comments of that sort, although not as clearly phrased. I first intended to respond to it, but then didn't, because I just wasn't in the mood for arguing with a stranger on the internet. However, my current re-read of The Voyage of the Dawn Treader brought the matter up again. First things first, I'd like to say, that I love Lewis' balance of showing and telling – he's using quite a lot of very personal, intimate, chatting language, which I love, yet he also sticks to describing things as they are instead of bringing in personal judgement when it comes to his characters. This is an aspect of his writing I very much appreciate, as I don't really believe in the strict matter of “show don't tell” but I also think that merely saying “this is good” and “this is bad” is fairly lazy writing. The most important thing here is: Lewis never actually said the Scrubbs were bad or that any of their opinions were bad. He didn't even say if all of Eustace's own beliefs were in line with his parents' but I'll get to that a bit later. He only ever described who they were and what they were like, giving examples that were merely (in-universe) facts. He didn't say that was right or wrong, and he didn't said that any of that mattered in regards to Eustace's personality. That's a really important aspect for me, because the conclusion that there's anything bad about the Scrubbs is merely one the reader draws – and of course, is, to a degree, supposed to draw. Not even the Pevensies talk badly about Eustace's parents. Only about him. And Lewis, he hardly even said anything decidedly bad about Eustace himself. But now for the actual matter. The real matter is not that the Scrubbs are modern. The matter is that their modernity – or what we see of it – is empty. It's quite like Eustace's schoolwork – he had no interest in any subject, but he cared very much about his marks. The Scrubbs were vegetarians. Little vegetarian me, when first reading the book as a child, was almost offended by the way it presented. Almost. Because very soon this became clear: Eustace hated animals. It's difficult to say if his parents shared his feelings, but we have good reason to assume that. Eustace didn't only want to keep animals as far away from himself as possible, he was also very eager to do them harm. The Scrubb idea of vegetarianism was very obviously a mixture of a healthy lifestyle and supposedly modern views, without actual personal care about the matter. Alberta was a “feminist” - at least that's what that one poster said, and I think I've read that more than once. Except we can't know for sure. Lewis never called her such a thing – or anything similar for that matter, and he, at least, used the words “vegetarian” and “teetotaller” and even mentioned their underwear, so I dare to say he'd would have dared to use such a term – and we didn't get any real evidence. We did hear Eustace say that Alberta told him that treating girls gallantly would actually be lowering to them. So far so good – but Alberta didn't seem to think so at home. Giving a girl – and a Queen, even more! – a cabin by herself in a ship full of men is one thing, separating her from her own brother is another. Why did Lucy get a room for herself when she was at the Scrubbs house, and why did they let their precious little Eustace share a room with that Pevensie boy, if it wasn't to separate the girl? Lucy and Edmund could easily have shared a room, even a bed. They were used to sleeping together, as shown just one book before. It seems that Eustace's complain wasn't so much about Caspian being sexist, and much more a complaint about himself not treated as he wished to. His “feminist” idea was just a way of excusing this to himself. In fact, he did seem to look down on Lucy, and not take her seriously. The way he talked was the way a child might talk about another child younger than themselves – except Lucy is older than Eustace, and stronger. What else could make him look down on her in a way he didn't on Edmund, despite despising him just as much? Certainly not “feminism”. Also, the Scrubbs are pacifists. That's also really interesting – Eustace said he was one when Reepicheep asked to fight him. Interestingly enough, Eustace did believe in attacking someone smaller than him – and an animal, mind you! – from behind. Yes, much of a pacifist, that's true. Now, for the corporeal punishment. Apparently, that was one of Lewis' complaints about the Scrubbs, too? Funnily, I've seen people who – like me!!! – oppose any sort of corporeal punishment, and by those who approve of it, and misuse this mention in order to advocate for it. And yet, Lewis never said that. He just plainly stated that 1. Eustace's school didn't use any corporeal punishment, 2. that this was to be expected from his parents, and 3. that that was why Eustace didn't know what being hit was like. It was just a plain explanation, and nothing more! In fact, he was fairly sympathetic with Eustace throughout the entire scene, without judging him, even though he behaved dreadfully. But here's actually quite some irony here, as Eustace's school – as shown in The Silver Chair – is actually based on Lewis' own dreadful experiences in boarding school. He had to suffer a lot from corporeal punishment, and was, logically, against it. Yet he also suffered from bullying and abuse from other students, which is another point right here: The Scrubbs sent their son to a school that didn't have any sort of punishment done by the teachers to the students, but that had teachers and a principal who greatly encouraged their students to bully and abuse each others! That aside, I am also quite sure that Lewis never meant to say that not drinking or smoking would make people evil, but I've actually seen people complain about exactly this.

(Please note: This is a collection of my thoughts during the re-read. I love comments, but I am still not in the mood for arguing!)

[downeystarkjr]

ALREADY GONE - Captain Swan AU - CHAPTER 9

Emma Swan was never one to believe in ghosts or in any superstitions of the kind. However, her beliefs are soon to be tested when she moves into the beautiful yet mysterious Jewel Cottage. The manor known to be the home haunted by Captain Killian Jones.

The story can also be read on AO3 here

(This is one of the two stories I was working on for the Captain Swan Big Bang 2017 - it’s still a WIP but I have quite a few chapters complete that I really wanted to share)

(PS. Thank you to @ab-normality for your priceless help in being my beta for this story so far!)

Other chapters found here: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Chapter 9 

“Buckley sure does love his walks doesn’t he?” Emma laughed, laughing more when the adorable canine barked as if in agreement to her words. “And he’s playful too, aren’t you a bundle of energy little fella?” she asked the dog sweetly, showing Buckley the ball she bought him from town when she was exploring Storybrooke with Ruby before her best friend had to leave.

The dog grew all the more excited and panted happily in anticipation. He watched Emma’s hand moving in front of him as she held onto the ball, waiting for her to throw it. “Go and get it buddy!” she encouraged and finally threw the ball and without a moment’s hesitation, Buckley ran over to chase after the ball.

“Aye and he’s loyal too” Killian nodded and glanced over to watch Emma interact with his pet dog as they walked down the field behind Jewel Cottage. It made the ghost smile to see how loving Emma was with Buckley and how the canine reciprocated Emma’s kindness by giving her his trust. “I don’t think I told you this before love, but I found Buckley when he was a stray puppy trying to seek shelter in the middle of a snow fall. I couldn’t allow him to freeze to his death and he’s been living with me ever since,” he admitted and chuckled when Buckley returned to them, placing the ball by Emma’s feet as his way of telling her that he wanted Emma to throw it again.

Emma was touched to hear Killian open up to her about how he came to meet Buckley. There was something she loved about how the Captain raised the dog alone despite being a spirit. He may be smug and flirtatious but with how kind Killian was with his beloved canine companion, Emma suspected there was more to his character than he was letting on.

Though Emma didn’t pick up on it, Killian was warming to having Emma around. He glanced round to Emma while she paid attention to a rather excited Buckley as he walked a small distance ahead of them. Since the departure of his friend James Barrie, Killian didn’t like having another human keeping him company on his strolls, that was until he crossed paths with Emma.

“She just had to be another author, what are the chances?”  

Killian thought to himself with a silent chuckle, giving another glance towards the new inhabitant of his home. With anyone else who dared to show any interest in moving into his home, he would have been sickened at the thought of them joining him. Especially not down the route the three of them were walking down that afternoon.

“Something funny Killian?” Emma asked and quirked an eyebrow when she noticed the apparition chuckling. Her tone wasn’t intimidating but curious.

“No Swan, I’m just enjoying the company,” Killian assured, sincerely giving Emma a compliment before looking ahead again. He found himself quite glad that he accepted the American in his home. The ghost usually despised the company of other people, however with Emma, Killian couldn’t deny that he didn’t feel so lonely now that she was around. In fact, due to what he knew about Emma, the Captain felt it his responsibility to look out for her. “Heed caution here love, the terrain turns rough when we divert from the path,” Killian advised. “I wouldn’t want you to get hurt.”

Emma had not expected Killian to give her such a compliment and was unable to stop the faint blush appearing on her cheeks. “The feeling’s mutual Captain,” she smiled and nodded in acknowledgement to her new friend’s advice, oblivious as to the reason why Killian was so concerned about her safety. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, where are we going? Or are we headed to nowhere in particular and just enjoying the lovely warm spring afternoon?” she questioned.

Emma didn’t have any qualms against having no destination in mind for their walk, it gave her a chance to take in just how beautiful the fields near her home truly were. What made it all the more perfect was that she could still hear the distant sound of the ocean. Emma could imagine herself working on her writing out there in the peaceful countryside. There was nothing like this back in America, it was wonderful.

“Actually Swan, I was intending on paying a visit to an area nearby, we’re almost there,” Killian corrected calmly, keeping an eye on his companion to make sure she didn’t trip over the stones on the bumpy surface. “I’ve never brought anyone here before, but I trust you,” he revealed, whistling to Buckley to distract the dog from chasing after a butterfly that had caught his attention.

“Oh..?” Emma was surprised by how welcoming Killian was after being so adamant to keep humans away. He had told her glimpses of his life such as his wife, his friendship with the author of Peter Pan and now here he was taking Emma somewhere that held some personal importance for the ghost. “Well then lead the way… but thank you Killian, you didn’t have to let me join you today and I appreciate it,” she smiled, wanting Killian to know she was grateful for allowing her to move in instead of trying everything he could to rid her from Jewel Cottage. She never should have made such a rash judgement of Killian the night they shared their first conversation. He was kinder than he initially seemed.

“Aye,” Killian replied simply and stayed quiet for a few moments until they arrived their destination. Buckley stopping by the Captain’s feet with a sad whine that was comforted when Killian petted his head gently. “It’s alright my boy, don’t worry,” Killian assured and checked that Emma was alright too, encouraging her to sit down on the grass. He didn’t want her to be exhausted from the trek in her condition.

“Killian I’m fine, I don’t need to rest, really,” Emma insisted, passing Killian’s offer as being his attempt to prove to her that he was a gentleman. “So what is this place?” she asked, slowly beginning to develop some idea where they were when she noticed the small group of similar looking stones dug into the ground.

“Wait..” Emma uttered, her green gaze watching over Killian as he moved over to crouch in front of one of the stones. One of the graves. The grave of his late wife. She stepped closer, staying quiet to avoid upsetting Killian further when she noticed the mournful look in his eyes.

“It’s alright to talk about it Swan, they have been dead longer than I’ve been a ghost,” Killian spoke out to break the silence. “These fields are part of the Jones Estate, my grandparents, my parents, my brother and my Milah are all buried here.”

Emma felt a pang in her heart towards Killian when he said that, understanding the reason why that area was so meaningful to him. She couldn’t help but feel like she was intruding despite Killian having agreed to let her join him on the walk. This was a personal moment for him.

“You must find it difficult being here…instead of having them around..” Emma mused with sympathy for the Captain. It would be heart-breaking for her to be in Killian’s situation, to be a ghost without family and having only the graves as a reminder of the loved ones he lost long ago. Emma did often wonder why Killian was a ghost while none of his family had the chance to be an apparition. What was keeping him here? Surely, the answer had to be more than just his worry for his beloved Jewel Cottage. How was she going to get him to open up to him when Killian insisted his death was purely accidental?

“Actually love, this helps me feel closer to them, even before I died I would come down here to visit my family,” Killian corrected, seeing Emma glance over to the grave beside his late wife’s. “Anya was my mother, she was the sweetest woman I knew. You would have liked her, she had a love for reading and wrote a few short stories of her own, alas they never got published but the stories she came up with provided my brother and I with entertainment as children,” he chuckled. Killian recalled how his mother tried to get some of her writing published but to no success. Which sadly was quite common for female writers while Killian was growing up. “I must have inherited my adoration of the ocean from her. It was being so close to the ocean that made my mother love this town so much.”

“I have to agree with your mom, Storybrooke is the perfect place to live,” Emma smiled. She honestly couldn’t wait to start work at the school, it would give her the chance to get to know more of the people in town. Although, she was also looking forward to getting to know Killian more, she was intrigued by his past and wished she could help him. It was clear how he still dearly missed his family.

“Aye? Do you think so? I suppose you’re right, there is a certain air about this town,” Killian nodded with a heavy sigh but shook his head to drag himself out of his thoughts where he was recalling the happier times with his wife.

“Yeah, despite the presence of modern technology, being here is like taking a trip back in time,” Emma replied, making sure that Buckley wasn’t roaming too far from them.

“Oh you should have seen Storybrooke in my time. It was glorious,” Killian pointed out. “As much as I enjoyed my time out at sea, I always did love being welcomed back home after spending months out on the ocean.”

Emma didn’t think that Killian ever spoke about his time at sea. She was reminded that he was indeed a Captain of the Royal Navy. He must have seen a lot of the world during the voyages he captained. Emma wondered what Killian did experience out on the high seas, what sort of ship he sailed and what the ventures were like. She knew the Navy of the modern day was considerably different to how it was back when Killian was still alive. How did his Navy career end? Was it because of losing his left hand? Did he lose his hand as part of an incident while being in the Navy?

The American was going to reply before noticing that Killian’s attention had returned to the gravestones before him. Emma saw the mournful look in his ocean blue eyes, Killian really was a man who had lost everyone he loved and cared for, Jewel Cottage was all he had left. However, again the same question entered her thoughts, what was keeping Killian here? Why was he being stopped from moving on?

Judging by the dates written on the graves, Emma could guess who was Killian’s brother and who were his parents. There were also a few graves that caught her eye, mainly because the dates meant those buried beneath the headstones must have died as infants or children. Were they perhaps the children of Liam? The older Jones sibling? Emma didn’t think they were Killian’s children. Never did he mention them or give any indication that he was a father, although Emma knew Killian had been a married man.

To avoid offending Killian by disturbing him during such a deeply personal moment by Milah’s grave, Emma stood up, slowly stepping away to give him some privacy. “What are you doing there Buckley? Huh? Buddy?” Emma asked Buckley sweetly, moving over to him when she heard the canine whining as he lay on a patch of ground in front of a stone that had been overgrown with plants and moss. It was clear that it was another grave, though less cared for than the others.

Carefully, Emma knelt down and moved some of the foliage from the headstone to see what was engraved on it. If she turned round as she did so, Emma would have noticed Killian realising her interest in the grave. The ghost stood up in silence, walking over to Emma but kept a distance between them. There was a reason why he didn’t care for that grave, Killian didn’t like the reminder of it.

When she managed to clear enough of the plants, Emma traced her fingers across the name written on the stone. Captain Killian Jones.

Emma was at a loss for words, she shouldn’t have been so surprised but with the presence of Killian still remaining, it didn’t really occur to her that of course Killian would have had a grave. Why was it so unkempt? Emma was confused and intended to question the apparition about his grave but grew startled to see Killian towering over her, causing her to jump with a hand against her chest. There was something eerie about the way he had just crept up behind her and looking at her instead of at his own grave.

“I’m sorry Killian I…I didn’t mean to pry, Buckley was whining and I wanted-…” she began to apologise before the Captain raised a hand in reassurance.

“You weren’t to know love,” Killian shook his head and stepped away from the grave, not wanting to be near where his body was buried. “But I’d appreciate it if you could now leave my grave well alone,” he insisted, not wanting to converse about his body’s resting place.

However, Emma had other ideas. “You’ve kept the graves of your family in such a good condition, but not yours..”

“Is there a point to that rather odd observation?”

“Killian why?” Emma asked, still insistent that Killian talk to him instead of trying to avoid the issues that bothered him. “It’s as if you’re trying to hide the fact your grave even exists,” she stated with furrowed eyebrows.

“Why would I want to acknowledge it Swan?” Killian countered, reluctantly opening up due to Emma’s persistence. “A grave is supposed to be where someone is bloody well laid to rest. However, unlike the rest of my family, I’m still here. Being a ghost isn’t exactly restful.” He knew what was keeping him from moving on but there was nothing he could do about it.

Emma’s expression held an emotion of sympathy for Killian and gently bit her lip in thought. “Tell me what happened,” she requested kindly, looking up into Killian’s eyes. Emma wasn’t an idiot, she knew the ghost lied to her about the cause of his death. “It wasn’t the gas heater that claimed your life was it…? Killian please, let me try to help you.”

It was at her words that caused Killian’s own words to be choked up in his throat. He took a moment to compose himself and fight off the threatening tears before they fell. “My death was far more violent than I originally implied. I intended on bringing an evil man to justice, risking my life in the process,” he explained, a tinge of anger in his tone. “It didn’t turn out the way I hoped and in the end, I paid the price while he and his descendants continued to get away with their crimes.”

“Is that why you’re still here after all these years?” Emma asked. She had no idea who was responsible for Killian’s death or that the ‘evil’ man’s family were still connected to the town of Storybrooke. “Because you have unfinished business here that you can’t resolve? What can I do to help you?”

“Why love? Am I such dreary company that you want the manor to yourself?” Killian chuckled to hide his unease. He was unsure if he actually wanted to move on if given the chance, the Captain had grown quite used to living as a ghost. And now he had met Emma. For the first time in quite a few too many years, Killian was enjoying the presence of another person. He liked having Emma around and wanted to get to know her. But Killian was a ghost, how could he expect the woman to become close with him.

“Killian come on,” Emma sighed, trying to show Killian that she really wanted to help in any way she could.

The Captain did doubt if he would be willing to move on. However, if he did accept Emma’s offer, perhaps his heart could be put at ease knowing justice was done. It was about time those who wronged him and so many other innocent souls paid for their misdeeds.

“Swan there might be a way, for you to help me,” Killian finally replied with an answer Emma was hoping for. It couldn’t have been a coincidence that Emma was a writer. No one else could have helped him since other people were either too naïve to welcome the thought that ghosts were real or too afraid of the ghost that haunted Jewel Cottage. “You’re an author are you not, love? One that lives in a haunted manor that everyone does their best to avoid,” the Captain began, gaining Emma’s curiosity. “I provided you with the perfect inspiration for your next writing endeavour. Me.”

“You want me to write a story inspired by you?” Emma asked feeling a little confused. How was that going to help with Killian’s unfinished business?

That where Killian had more knowledge on the matter. He was aware of the impact the written word could have, especially one written in truth. “On the contrary my lady, I was hoping you’d write a story about me,” he corrected. “My memoirs to be exact.”

Tagging a few users who might like the story. I’d love to know what you think! @yayimallamaagain @phiralovesloki @lenfaz @flipperbrain @cocohook38@hollyethecurious @winterbaby89 @xhookswenchx @teamhook @resident-of-storybrooke @fairytalesandtimetravel @aye-captn @wellhellotragic @sambethe @goldengirlschildhood @sherlockianwhovian @captainswanbigbang @themilahskillybear @the-corsair-and-her-quill 

[lovelikeelena]

Song of the Sirenas Review- Part 1/4

Firstly, I wanna say muchas gracias to my best friend, Becca, along with DisneyNerd, DisPrincess3 and others for helping me with some of the visual aspects of this awesome, incredible and amazing movie!

  As many of you know who read my tumblr, I’m almost blind.  That means this review will be unique.  While I’ll be touching on some important visual aspects, I’ll mostly be focusing on storyline and the friendships formed and established bonds between our favorite characters throughout the movie.  There will also be some shipping as well, just so you guys who aren’t Elenaomi shippers know ahead of time.  One more thing before we officially get started:  How cool was it that this movie premiered on international peace day?  This makes it even more timely and relevant than ever!  Okay, let’s dive in!  Pun intended wholeheartedly.

  We open with a spectacular view of the Turner’s boat skimming through the water.  The royal familia, royal guard Gabe and Naomi , along with her parents Captains Scarlet and Daniel Turner, are heading somewhere.  Hmmm?  Where could they be going?  Maybe they’re dropping the douche of Avalor, Esteban off on a deserted island and continuing without him.  Only one can hope.  (I DID NOT come up with that nickname for the chancellor.) Oh yeah, Mateo’s there too.  Well, Esteban isn’t being dropped off anywhere.  No such fortune is shining upon us.  Instead, Elena is stuck with her cousin for the entire journey.  It’s not long into her magical bow and arrow practice that Naomi gets Esteban right in the butt!  Elena giggles, even though she tries to remain stern.  Oops, Sorry!  never mind.  That’s my fanfic version of events.  Back to the actual movie. 

  As I was saying, it’s not long before we find out Scarlet doesn’t take any crap from anyone-including her husband!  She finds Daniel standing, using a barrel as a table.  Poor Daniel just wants to eat a sandwich, but instead he’s told to trim the sail.  He tries to get out of it by assuming bc his wife is captaining the voyage that he would get a well-deserved brake.  No such luck buddy.  Say adios to that break you were hoping for.  Turning, Daniel goes to complete the task.  Before leaving his post, he snatches up his sandwich, knowing his daughter too well, not to mention the fact that there are two hungry teen boys on the ship.  It’s then that Isa answers the question that’s been on our minds since the movie started-especially if you haven’t read the book companion that was released in June or kept up with spoilers before the movie premiered.  The royal familia is on their way to Nueva Vista on the west coast of Avalor.  Isa is excited to get there and her abuela feels the same way.  Louisa mentions sitting on the terrace of the summer palace and napping in the sun.  Esteban puts his two cents in, commenting that Francisco has gotten a head start, indicating him sleeping on a chair.  On another part of the ship, Elena is hanging out with Naomi and Gabe, practicing with her scepter.  Elena demonstrates a few powers we’ve seen in the past-including envision and glow.  Then she shows off a newly acquired power, which is making objects invisible by saying the word vanish.  She uses Naomi’s lasso for this test.  It works and Elena beams.  Gabe asks how many powers the scepter has.  Naomi chimes in by requesting teasingly if her girlfriend can test them on something else bc she wants her lasso back.  Unfortunately, this is the last time in the movie that we see Elena and Naomi treating each other with the love and respect we’ve come to know they possess.  Just knowing this makes me sad.  Hopefully, they’ll resolve things fully in Snow Place Like Home.  I love how Isa comes up to them and is fully welcome by Elena and not told to go away like most older siblings say to the younger ones when with their friends and significant others.  Isa tells them that Scarlet said they’re almost there.  Elena starts to reminisce about her and Isa’s first paternal cousin, Christobal, telling everyone how she remembers going fishing with him every summer.  Gabe is puzzled and says he thought Esteban  was the girls’ only cousin.  Naomi throws her usual jab at the Chancellor by stating “Leave it to Esteban to exaggerate.”  She lays a hand on Elena’s shoulder, initiating the only loving contact they have for the rest of the movie.    In making that jab at the douche, she exemplifies why I love her so much!  Mateo, yup, he’s there, tells Elena she’ll have plenty of time to reminisce when they arrive and it’s time to get back to practicing.  Come on, dude, give Elena a break!  Mateo encourages her to try to make herself vanish.  Elena protests that she only knows how to make objects vanish.  Mateo is insistent, so our favorite future Avaloran ruler obeys.  Elena, there’s no law that says you must listen to him!  You make the laws or will be doing so in three years!  After trying the power, Elena mildly succeeds.  Her body disappears, but her head is still visible.  Mateo makes a lame joke that doesn’t even make any sense by saying “You’re headed in the right direction.”  Leave the quips to Naomi, por favor.  Elena reforms just as all five of them hear a bell ring, followed by Scarlet yelling about approaching sirenas.  All four young adults have different reactions to Scarlet’s announcement.  Elena is confused, while Mateo is all excited and looking every which way like a puppy who is trying to find his new bone.  Apparently, he’s never seen a sirena before.  Gabe is also curious.  Naomi is ready to obey her parents’ instructions at a second’s notice.  Scarlet commands her to take the wheel, calling Naomi Nomes, which I despise!  Naomi does so while her parents ready the crossbows.  Elena shakes her head upon hearing this and asks why they need the weapons?  And this is where I get a little irritated with Naomi.  I know she’s panicking, but still.  She whirls around and snaps at her girlfriend for no reason.  “Sirenas are dangerous!  Everyone knows that!”  Excuse me, Naomi, everyone knows that?  Not everyone has traveled as extensively or has the knowledge you do.  Especially your girlfriend who was trapped in an amulet for 41 years!  Daniel explains to Elena that sirenas sing a song that put sailors into a trance, crashing their ships.  Even though he too is panicking, he doesn’t snap at her.  Take a lesson from your Dad, Naomi.  Elena points out the sirenas aren’t even singing and Mateo chimes in that he can’t remember the last time sirenas caused a ship wreck.  Still, the Turners go through with their defense plan.  Glancing down into the water, Elena locks eyes with a female sirena.  We later learn her name is Marisa.  In the moment their eyes meet, Elena is captivated in wonderment-never having seen a sirena before this.  I’d like to think  she’s also silently assuring Marisa that she knows Marisa isn’t doing anything wrong and that she, Elena, won’t let any harm come to her.  Meanwhile, Scarlet commands Gabe to get everyone below deck, which he does immediately.  Elena commands Scarlet to stop firing.  Instead of listening, Scarlet fires anyway.  Correct me if I’m wrong, but that’s grounds for treason.  Scarlet defied Elena’s direct command.  Eighteen or not, Elena is in charge.  If she says stop firing, you stop firing-no questions asked.  Scarlet, you just keep slipping further and further down my like meter.  It looks like there’s one more in Esteban’s party on that deserted island if they find one.  Elena keeps her silent promise to Marisa and fires her scepter, knocking Scarlet’s crossbow out of her hands.  This affectively saves Marisa and her male companion from injury.  We switch points of view and see Marisa, her friend and seahorse dude in the water.  We discover that the male friend is actually Marisa’s twin brother.  Marisa is just as amazed by Elena.  She asked if her brother saw what Elena did, then must keep him from retaliating.  She calls him Marzel and tells him to stop!  Marzel argues that the people on the ship tried to fillet them to which Marisa points out,  “But the princesa stopped them with that magic thingy.”  Marzel advises they better leave before she decides to use it on them.  Their seahorse friend agrees, and they dive beneath the waves.  Meanwhile, back on the Turners boat, Naomi again turns on her girlfriend, demanding,  “Why did you do that!”  Elena doesn’t take her crap and shoots back with,  “I’m not going to attack someone who hasn’t attacked me first!”  As much as I love watching Elena stand up for herself, my heart breaks a little more.  I don’t like it when Elena and her future wife fight.  I know it happens in every friendship-whether it’s destined for romance or not.  Even so, it’s still hard for me to watch when it's Elena and Naomi. Meanwhile, under the sea, Marisa and Marzel are swimming towards the palace they share with their parents.  Marzel points out that “Sirenas haven’t sunken a ship since before we were born.  And still Humans come after us.”  Marisa counters with,  “That’s because no one has told them we’ve changed.”  Marzel doubts they would listen.  “Maybe the princess would.  You saw what she did.”  Marzel disagrees.  He shakes his head when he sees an all too familiar look in his Hermana’s eyes.  “I hate that look!”  Marisa ignores him.  “We can tell her, then she can spread the word to the rest of the Humans.”  Their friend tells her to keep dreaming.  Marzel reminds him that’s what Marisa does best.  Marisa declares she’s going to talk to their father.  Marzel tells her she’s wasting her time while watching her swim off.

And that’s where I leave everyone off for now!  Part 2 is coming in a few days!  Feel free to leave comments or send me asks!

[eliamatrell]

hi i came from Narkik and I would love!!! some tomione/gin’n’tonic fic recs hahaha

hi anon!!!!!! gosh, i don’t get to talk about t/h very often, so i got really excited when i saw your ask. but firstly - i am afraid that i don’t really know of any t/g fics i could recommend, since i read about them very seldom. i am just too attached to t/h i guess? i try to be a multishipper, but alas, i am a little bit too biased ¯\_(ツ)_/¯  however, i’m pretty sure that amanda @narkik has some quality t/g recs, so i’m calling for her aid! 

***

but! back to tomione. as i mentioned under amanda’s post, i have a very specific vision of tom and hermione as a couple. this is a ship with almost no canon basis, so many fics tend to be very ooc (which i despise and avoid at all cost). granted, it is hard to write them in-character (& since we don’t know almost anything about young tom riddle, we have to work with absolute scraps) but not impossible. and they have a lot of potential if you’re into villain/heroine ships. i could write my entire doctoral thesis about them, but i don’t want this post to be too long and overwhelming, so i’ll just link my favourite tomione manifestos (which provide a quite complex answer as to why and how):

one, two, three, four + bonus (which is basically 4k words of me rambling why i love t/h, both generally and specifically in this one perfect fic. so, spoilers if you haven’t read nothing like the sun!)

***

and as for fics:

ad infinitum by speechwriter

As he forges inexorably toward the end of time, he may come to wonder if this is a world worth ruling. Science fantasy.

gosh, even thinking about ad infinitum makes me emotional - it was the very fic that made me fall for tomione. and believe me, i fell hard. it is very broad in scope and fantastic in execution. also, riley is one of the legends of t/h fandom and an incredible writer. very slow burn, believable character development, great prose, high stakes danger, two brilliant and stubborn people forced by the fate to work together and actually negotiate and discuss their messed up relationship…. god i love. please, do read ad infinitum, you won’t regret it. oh, also, magic in space. 

nothing like the sun by [redacted, since it’s orphaned now and as much it saddens me (and it REALLY saddens me, good god), i respect the author’s decision]

Hermione had never had much patience for Tom Riddle.

Riddle was a model student, ostensibly, and most everyone could vouch for him being the nicest Slytherin that they knew, but Hermione had always felt that his polite demeanor was rather insincere. How nice could he be, really, if he cornered his friends in dodgy alleys and caused them inexplicable pain?

(Or, Hermione follows the Muggle admonition that she keep her enemies closer a little too strictly to the letter.)

oh my god oh my god oh my god. i adore this fic with all my heart and i really mean it. it got everything right. every single thing about them. it’s one of the most well-written fics i have ever read (and ao3 has been my most frequently visited site for years now), the characterization is incredible and just. very caring? they’re all so human, complicated and passionate, and tangled up in something messy and terrible (hermione is so hermionish that i just want to hug her. and never let go, honestly. also - ron and harry aren’t sidelined, which happens in so many tomione and/or dramione fics. also, lavender and parvati! they are the most amusing supporting characters.), it’s clever, and heartwarming, and complex, and everything i had hoped for, and then some. and sadly - unfinished. please don’t let it discourage you, it’s still worth it. really really worth it. and i still have hope that the author will write another tomione story one day. oh, dear anon, that would be the most wonderful. 

unsinkable by speechwriter

He: a young man long since raised from poverty, now on the verge of inheriting a magnate’s business in the 1910s. She: an impoverished young woman on her way to start a new life in America. In short: Tom Marvolo Riddle, Hermione Jean Granger, and one voyage on the RMS Titanic - and how it would change their lives forever.

do i usually like no magic aus? not really, no. do i love this fic? more than you can imagine. but then again, as i mentioned above - riley just /gets/ tom and hermione. 

blood and gold by obsidianpen 

The true time-turner was slammed savagely into Hermione’s throat. It shattered against her neck, bits of glass and gold piercing into her skin. The last thing she saw before blackness consumed her was a plume of metallic dust and vitreous fragments, tiny prisms dancing behind her eyelids.

(In which Hermione accidentally ends up in 1950, pitted against an ascending Dark Lord in his prime, caught in the entanglement of pureblood politics, dark magic, and Tom Riddle’s interest)

the last chapter emotionally destroyed me lmao. they are! so much! also, i love world-building in this one and how carefully and slowly their story unfolds. it will definitely keep you on the edge of your seat. also, the prose is simply splendid.

the night watchman by unrefinedtales

#i had a dream about this#house of labyrinths and mirrors and illusions#that you can only escape if you cease all deception forever#and are 100% honest#but the house has been sitting dormant for centuries#and it’s hungry#it doesn’t want you to get out#and i was thinking what sort of place this would be#for two people to fall in love 

it it still a work in progess - there are four published chapters in the moment i’m writing this reply. house of leaves-esque afterlife, haunting visuals, lingering creepiness, tom and hermione trying to figure out what this place wants from them and learning to trust each other - goodness, i love it so far. 

i still haven’t started unsphere the stars by cocoartist (i have little to no free time these days), but it looks very promising!

When you can’t change time, but you can’t go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story. [EWE] [Tomione*] [*mostly]

***

that’d be all for now! and dear anon, if you finish any of these fics and want to talk about them, write to me again - i love discussing tomione but alas, i don’t get an opportunity to do it very often. enjoy! ♡♡♡

[get-trekt]

star trek discovery - episode 10 commentary (spoiler heavy)

There is A Lot to unpack here. I won't go through every single thing because I have yet to rewatch the episode (might take a while until I do) and, most important, ain't nobody got the time for that. Needless to say, spoiler sandwich comes below.

- Captain Sylvia Killy. Fucking hell, what an awesome concept. I had mistakenly believed that the scene where Paul calls Tilly 'Captain' (episode...8? Not sure) was evidence that he could see the future. But nope! Paul was in fact having glimpses of the Mirror Universe. Makes me wonder if he could see other universes as well and what would those look like on screen. I was very hopeful that Disco would tackle the Mirror Universe at some point (especially after episode 5 with that freaky reflection staring back at Paul), but I expected one episode only or maybe, if we were lucky, a two part episode. Discovery pulling a Voyager and making Chapter Two all about going home _while trying to conceal their identities and blend in_ is certainly an interesting move. I always felt the Mirror Universe was never properly explored in the series so I'm very glad we are getting an entire arc about it. I don't think there will be much exploration from now on, but since we have become attached to the characters and their stories I think the main cast can carry the plot without the need for that. Besides, the Mirror Universe is already massive (and unexplored) anyway, so each episode will bring something new by default.

- Still not sure how I feel about Ash's character. Apparently the Klingons cut his bones short and altered his physiology + added ?? a new personality ?? I won't touch on the implications of that in terms of canon but overall this seems messy. There is still a long way to go so we will see. As of now, I'm not buying it. Failing to see a point here.

- About Hugh. I'm not one to sugarcoat things so I'll lay this out very clearly: I'm disappointed lol. We all had very high hopes and expectations for Hugh/Paul for obvious reasons, after all it's not everyday that you see a interracial gay couple with decent representation. Hugh's death was bland, out of nowhere, and to be honest, written solemnly for shock value. There was no need for Hugh to be killed then and there, and the implications will be messy - 1) what will go down when michael finds out? hello so your bf killed someone, and I think we all know you despise murder - 2) the entire ship will become suspicious as to why the doctor showed up with his neck broken (if they blame paul i fucking swear). If Ash wanted to lay low about what was going down in his head, killing someone and leaving their body there isn't really a good strategy lol but now on to more pressing issues.

- Disco writers may talk about how Paul/Hugh's arc is an 'epic love story' but KILLING HUGH ONLY TO BRING HIM BACK IS A DICK MOVE. Wilson Cruz has confirmed that Hugh will be coming back, but regardless of that, killing off your gay latino recurring character for shock value leaves a bad taste. "But vit how come it is only for shock value !" See reasons above, there was not really a point for his death other than to create buzz around the show. They wanted to include drama in their relationship and I get that is important to keep the plot going, especially with its new dark twist, but there are a lot of different ways to include drama/angst/suspense in a character's plot line. And again, his death was so..,, empty. There was no fight, Ash just straight up snapped Hugh's neck and it was done. I'm disappointed because this was pretty much the best episode of the until That Scene. I seriously hope they will fix this somehow. You can't cover a manhole with a band-aid, and regardless of what the writers do, nothing will erase the fact that the one character they chose to kill off just to shock the audience was a gay latino. But I sincerely expect them to somehow redeem themselves by giving Paul/Hugh some very sweet vibes later on.

That is all for now. I want to see mirror Paul and Michael, and also figure out what the hell is going on with Ash. It's upsetting that my excitement for next week's episode has decreased so much. What do y'all think? I need to talk about this otherwise I might explode.

[roominthecastle]

what are your favorite petyr quotes? book vs show

Wow, anon, you’re NOT making this easy for me AT ALL. oh lorde, there are so many.

ok, quotes from the books that sadly did not make it into the show: I love all the “classics” that artworks often utilize, e.g.

“Life is not a song, sweetling. You may learn that one day to your sorrow.”

“Is it all lies, forever and ever, everyone and everything?”“Almost everyone. Save you and I, of course.”

“Some lies are love.”

“I know what I know, and so do you. Some things are best left unsaid, sweetling.”

“There are two sorts of people. The players and the pieces. Every man’s a piece to start with, and every maid as well. Even some who think they are players.”

“We shall serve him lies and Arbor gold, and he’ll drink them down and ask for more, I promise you.”

“When you know what a man wants you know who he is, and how to move him.”

“Those are your gifts from me, my sweet Sansa… Harry, the Eyrie, and Winterfell. That’s worth another kiss now, don’t you think?”

and some others:

“Try not to fall to your death, Catelyn wouldnever understand.“

“A fool I may be, Stark… yet I’m still here,while your brother has been moldering in his frozen grave for some fourteenyears now. If you are so eager to molder beside him, far it be from me todissuade you, but I would rather not be included in the party, thank you verymuch.”“You would be the last man I would willinglyinclude in any party, Lord Baelish.”“You wound me deeply.”

“I am desperately sentimental, sweet lady. Bestnot tell anyone. I have spent years convincing the court that I am wicked andcruel, and I should hate to see all that hard work go for naught.” Ned believed not a word of that, but he kept his voicepolite as he said, “You have my thanks as well, Lord Baelish.”“Oh, now there’sa treasure,” Littlefinger said, exiting.

“The Lineages and Histories of the GreatHouses of the Seven Kingdoms, With Descriptions of Many High Lords and NobleLadies  and Their Children. Now there is a tedious reading if ever I sawit. A sleeping potion, my lord?““JonArryn was studying this volume when he was taken sick,” Ned said.“Inthat case death must have come as a blessed relief.”

“Ido not trust him.”“Excellent.You’re learning.”

“Evena blind man could see the Hound loathed his brother.”“Ah,but Gregor was his to loath, notyours to kill. I wouldn’t hold my water waiting for his thanks.”

“Isuppose congratulations are in order.”Nedscowled. “The king lies wounded and near to death.”“Iknow.”

“How big a fool do you take me for?”“Well,quite an enormous one, actually.”“Do you always find murder so amusing, Lord Baelish?”“It’snot murder I find amusing, Lord Stark, it’s you. You rule like a man dancing onrotten ice. I daresay you will make a noble splash.”

GrandMaester Pycelle gaped at him, aghast. “Surely you do not mean to suggestthat Lady Selyse would ask a foolinto her bed?”“DoubtlessPatchface reminded her of Stannis.”

“Black brings outmy unhealthy pallor.”“Youlook very elegant today, my lord.”“I’mwounded. I strive to look elegant everyday.”

“Ibelieve Lord Petyr may hold the key to the Eyrie.““Oh,I do. I have it here between my legs.”

“Tidesand brides wait on no man, my lord. Once the autumn storms begin, the voyagewill be much more hazardous. Drowning would definitely diminish my charms as abridegroom.”

“Widowhoodwill become you, Sansa.”

“Itis surprisingly difficult to hide a dwarf, and Joffrey… you can lead a kingto water, but with Joff one had to splash it about before he realized he coulddrink it.”

“LordRobert cannot sleep. He cries…”“…for his mother. That cannot be helped, the wench is dead.”

“Isthat your counsel, maester? That we find a wet nurse for the Lord of the Eyrieand Defender of the Vale? When shall we wean him, on his wedding day? That wayhe can move directly from his nurse’s nipples to his wife’s. No, I think not.”

“Godsforbid they glimpse me near the high seat of the Arryns, they might think thatI mean to sit in it. Cheeks born so low as mine must never aspire to such loftycushions.”

“Inthe game of thrones even the humblest pieces can have wills of their own.Sometimes they refuse to make the moves you’ve planned for them. Mark thatwell, Alayne. It’s a lesson that Cersei Lannister still has yet to learn.”

“Hissister Alys wed Ser Elys Waynwood, uncle to the present Lady Waynwood.” Hemade a wry face. “Elys and Alys. Isn’t that precious?”

… and loads more, really. I could copy/paste every chapter that includes him. He’s one of the most entertaining and intriguing characters I’ve ever encountered, and Aidan was THE perfect casting choice.

the favs from the show (some of these were taken from the books, so I did not include them above): again, a non-exhaustive list

“Ahthe Starks. Quick tempers, slow minds.”

“Distrustingme was the wisest thing you’ve done since you climbed off your horse.”

“WhenI was a child, I was very small. And I come from a little spit of land calledthe Fingers, so you see… it’s an exceedinglyclever nickname.”

“Tellme, Lord Renly, when will you be havingyour friend?”

“Alldesires are valid to a man with a full purse.”

“Brothelsmake a much better investment than ships, I found. Whores rarely sink.”

“I’ll never win. Not that way. That’s their game. Their rules. I’m notgoing to fight them. I’m going to fuck them. That’s what I know. That’s what Iam.”

“Idid warn you not to trust me.”

“Wehave enough wheat for a 5-year winter. If it lasts any longer… we’ll havefewer peasants.”

“Ihate bad investments. They haunt me.”

“Iunderstand that you don’t like me, and, while that saddens me greatly, I do notcome here today seeking your affection.”

“Ifwar were arithmetic, the mathematicians would rule the world.”

“Callme Petyr.”

“Strange,isn’t it. It doesn’t matter what we want, once we get it, then we wantsomething else.”

“Chaosisn’t a pit. Chaos is a ladder. Many who try to climb it fail and never get totry again. The fall breaks them. And some are given a chance to climb but theyrefuse. They cling to the realm. Or the gods. Or love. Illusions. Only theladder is real. The climb is all there is.”

“Moneybuys a man’s silence for a time. A bolt in the heart buys it forever.”

“Aman with no motive is a man no one suspects. Always keep your foes confused. Ifthey don’t know who you are or what you want, they can’t know what you plan todo next.”

“I don’t want friends like me.”

“Knowyour strengths, use them wisely, and one man can be worth ten thousand.”

“Alot can happen between now and never.”

“Given the opportunity, what do we do to those who’ve hurt the ones welove? In a better world, one where love could overcome strength and duty, youmight have been my child. But we don’t live in that world.“

“Ihave only loved one woman, only one, my entire life… Your sister.”

“Hersuicide shattered us all.”

“Peopledie at their dinner tables. They die in their beds. They die squatting over theirchamber pots. Everybody dies sooner or later. Don’t worry about your death.Worry about your life. Take charge of your life for as long as it lasts.”

“You’vebeen running all your life. Terrible things happen to your family and you weep.You sit alone in a darkened room mourning their fates. You’ve been a bystanderto tragedy from the day they executed your father. Stop being a bystander, doyou hear me? Stop running. There’s no justice in the world. Not unless we makeit. You loved your family. Avenge them.”

“Iknow how hard it is to live with people you despise, believe me.”

“Eventhe most dangerous men can be outmaneuvered. And you’ve learned to maneuverfrom the very best. You’ll be strong without me.”

“Weboth peddle fantasies, Brother Lancel. Mine just happen to beentertaining.”

“One’schoice of companion is a curious thing.“ 

"You,my love, are the future of House Stark.”

“Everyoneis your enemy. Everyone is your friend.”

“Not even a thank you? Ifit weren’t for me, you’d have been slaughtered on that battlefield.”

and last but not least, his last words:

“Iloved you more than anyone. Sansa.”

[fate-motif]

For the send me a series ask game: I would be blessed if you did the mcu since your mcu opinions are actually reasonable and nuanced but if you would rather enjoy life then Star Trek: Voyager.

ok you know what i’m going to do both you know i am 100% salty about voyager at all times too right

THE MCU, ALSO KNOWN AS WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE

my all-time ultimate fave character: i don’t have one but i just saw bp on friday so i just have to say shuri is honestly amazing

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: it’s weird because i bounced from disliking to hating to vaguely disliking but understanding tony stark so let’s go with him. it’s less “like” than “understand”

a character I used to like but now don’t: we don’t speak about captain stars and stripes in this house

a character I’m indifferent about: where do i even begin, half the franchise is characters i don’t really care about

a character who deserved better: pretty sure we all mourn the potential of the maximoffs

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: almost everything the fandom offers tbh

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: i seriously don’t…care about mcu ships

a cute, low-key ship: that being said i respect a lot of them? samsteve is nice

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: … listen i don’t hate scott and hope. i don’t hate them.

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: probably hawkeye and convenience-married lady

my favourite storyline/moment: i’m going to do with movie so probably black panther. my guilty pleasure remains ant-man.

a storyline that never should have been written: age of ultron was a mistake

my first thoughts on the show: tbh it’s always been a periphery franchise to me. i kind of appreciated the fandom going for the found family angle but i didn’t really like any of the characters at the moment so i wasn’t huge on it

my thoughts now: My City Now. i only care about not the main characters of this thing and frankly i just want to be left alone with the ant family.

STAR TREK VOYAGER, NO TITLE NEEDED

my all-time ultimate fave character: B’ELANNA TORRES, GODDESS OF ENGINEERS

a character I didn’t used to like but now do: i though kes was kind of boring on first watch but then started to love her a lot more the second time i looked through the show

a character I used to like but now don’t: seven really gets old once you start appreciating the other characters and realizing their waste of potential

a character I’m indifferent about: i don’t despise neelix so much anymore. at choice moments, yes, but it’s not like tom paris or the doctor who are infuriating and gross 24/7.

a character who deserved better: where do i even begin

a ship I’ve never been able to get into: seven and b’elanna loses its appeal to me a whole lot when i think about how seven just took everyone’s screentime and development

a ship I’ve never been able to get over: there have been a LOT of deterrents for me to like janeway and chakotay, especially all the garbage i’ve seen out there, but somehow. i just. LISTEN.

a cute, low-key ship: can you believe it’s canon that kes and b’elanna fell in love building a windmill after kes needed to heal from being possessed by a tyrannical bastard

an unpopular ship but I still enjoyed it: i know tom paris isn’t good enough for harry but He Could Be

a ship that was totally wrong and never should have happened: ARE YOU KIDDING ME it’s seven and chakotay and we all KNOW IT

my favourite storyline/moment: so for solo episodes extreme risk i think is still my favorite, but for more than one episode i think scorpion was an excellent idea

a storyline that never should have been written: whoever had the idea to make the doctor fantasize about sexually harassing janeway deserves to be beheaded, no irony here

my first thoughts on the show: aw, great! a latina star trek character!!! shame the show’s kinda bad

my thoughts now: Don’t Talk To Me Or My Intrepid Class Starship Full Of Idiots Again