#But they all have a notion of what the chapter is trying to achieve

[leportraitducadavre]

“Sarada is the first Uchiha that awoke her MS out of a sense of pure love, unlike the rest of them that were rooted in hatred –she’s the first one to break the “Hatred Cycle” of the clan.”

*sighs* Listen, there’s nothing I’d like more than to leave Boruto and all of its byproducts behind for good, yet over and over again the rabid anti-Sasuke fandom comes back to trash on the original characters of the show for the sole purpose of chanting “old Uchiha bad, new Uchiha good” around a barely lit pit fire.

Allow me to quickly break this notion, as it doesn’t need much more inspection than a faint passing of our eyes through the original series to debunk it.

After hearing Naruto is sealed away alongside Hinata and everyone blames Boruto, Sarada starts crying and, in desperation, asks her dad to “help Boruto”, awakening her Mangekyou Sharingan.

[Contrary to what I initially believed as I thought she might be asking for help as she couldn’t move, she’s not injured, she appears to be (at most) in shock due to everything that Boruto has to face, so, in case you’re one of those Naruto fans that are used to have pretty plot-relevant, emotional moments after the initial awakening of an Uchiha’s MS, let me tell you: That’s not happening, at all.]

Regardless of the minuscule and for real, for real, not sarcastic at all, very-well thought and constructed attempt to empower a character whose relevance to the main plot lies in the fact that she is the only daughter of Boruto's mentor, many stans of the child saw this opportunity to trash on Sasuke’s power as an Uchiha (you know, the reincarnation of Indra itself), and to justify such an awakening of one of the most powerful forms of the Sharingan under the premise that “it’s a different type of awakening because it’s linked to love, not hatred.”

So, in order to fact-check such affirmation, let’s see how other characters achieved the Mangekyou:

Sasuke:

Sasuke awakes his MS originally from learning the truth behind his family’s genocide; before this (and I mean, chapters before this, as his MS is dedicated a total of three chapters) Obito explained that the Uchiha were planning a coup and that Itachi, to protect Konoha and his brother, committed the annihilation of his entire kin following the government’s orders. We see him crying before a new resolution is reached: destroy Konoha. His MS awakes due to his pain which turns to complete anger.

However, you wouldn’t believe how Sasuke has conscious access to both Mangekyou:

That’s right folks, he has conscious access over his right MS by thinking of those he wants to protect, Team Taka and Team 7. So this “hatred” cycle that powers up his Sharingan is fuelled by one thing and one thing only: love.

Furthermore,

Sasuke got conscious access over his left MS technique when trying to save Karin, as she’s a very dear comrade of his. Something similar happened when he awakened his Sharingan versus when he got conscious access to it when trying to save Naruto.

[Sasuke awoke the Sharingan when he was eight years old, so the idea that “haha, Sarada awoke her MS when she was younger than him so she’s better!” is stupid as he awoke it when he was at least four years younger when facing the genocide of his people, unlike her that got it from daddy issues. In fact, awakening MS or the Sharingan before or after has nothing to do with the person's capacity as a ninja as it solely depends on the traumatic events that said person experiences. It's safer to say that her emotional threshold is significantly lower than her father's given the "peaceful" times in which she grew up than to claim a "superiority" based upon the age they both experienced traumatically enough events to influence their chakra and develop or evolve their doujutsu.]

Obito:

Obito, somewhat similar to Sasuke (and this is due to their feelings, as they’re heartbroken and such pain triggers their raw hate), awakes his MS when he sees the girl he loves get killed by the boy he started to consider a friend when he was twelve/thirteen years old. His feelings are so strongly connected to his Sharingan that they also evolve the doujutsu that Kakashi possesses.

However, there’s a striking difference between how Obito awakened his Sharingan (basic form) and how Sasuke or even Sarada did as he achieved such power when trying to save his comrades.

[Sasuke awoke the Sharingan due to the pain he felt when seeing his parents get killed by his brother, which turned into hatred when Itachi "explained" his reasons. Meanwhile, Sarada got her Sharingans due to the pain she felt when her father didn't recognize her, which turned into fear when he threatened to kill her.]

Obito’s Sharingan was completely awakened by a sense of protectiveness over those dear to him, in other words, love. 

Every single Sharingan or evolution of the same doujutsu is driven by the same emotion. From there, it either derivates to different states (pain, hate, grief, and so on), or it doesn’t, but no Uchiha can access either form without feeling a strong positive connection with someone or something they are trying to protect.

P.S: Unrelated, but look how pretty Kishimoto's art is compared to Ikemoto's (who also sexualizes minors constantly, as this is the cover of the newest volume), Sasuke looks so ugly and Sarada's MS is the most awful thing I've ever seen. No wonder the manga is flopping. Yikes.

Edit to add: It’s devastatingly hilarious how the whole point of Sarada’s Mangekyou wasn’t even about her; nor her power, nor the relevance of her bonds, it was about making a powerful enough moment for Sasuke to believe her and help Boruto! Everything becomes, yet again, about Sasuke.

[dolcettamagica]

𐙚˙⋆.˚ 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐜𝐞, 𝐒𝐰𝐞𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 ch.5

prime rick x reader

tags: sexually suggestive, possessive & obsessive prime rick – yandere tbh notes: minors dni, chapter one, chapter two, chapter three, chapter four wc: 1.6k

In the vast expanse of the multiverse, amidst the swirling chaos of infinite dimensions, even the most cynical and detached souls can find themselves unexpectedly entangled in the delicate threads of love. And so it was with Prime, a brilliant scientist whose heart had long been shielded by layers of cynicism and detachment.

For years, Prime had roamed the cosmos, his intellect and curiosity driving him to explore the furthest reaches of reality. He scoffed at the notion of love, dismissing it as a mere distraction from the pursuit of knowledge and power. But all of that changed when he met you—a woman whose brilliance almost matched his own, whose laughter echoed through the void like a melody, who looked at him with sparkling eyes as he ranted about his own achievements.

At first, Prime resisted the pull of emotions, clinging stubbornly to his belief that love was nothing more than a chemical reaction in the brain. But try as he might, he could not deny the warmth that blossomed within his chest whenever you were near, nor the longing that gnawed at his soul when you were apart.

Slowly but surely, Prime found himself drawn deeper into your orbit, his icy exterior melting away in the heat of your presence. He marveled at the way you challenged him, pushing him to new heights of intellect and creativity with every conversation you shared.

But love, as Prime soon discovered, was not without its challenges. Your relationship was a tumultuous whirlwind of passion and conflict, your egos clashing like titans in the arena of the mind. Yet through it all, they remained bound together by an invisible thread, unwilling—or perhaps unable—to let go.

As the days turned into weeks and the weeks into months, Prime found himself falling deeper and deeper in love, his heart opening to a vulnerability he had long thought extinct. He reveled in the simple pleasures of companionship—the warmth of your touch, the sparkle in your eyes, the sound of your laughter ringing in his ears like music.

But even as Prime basked in the glow of newfound love, he knew that your relationship was not without its risks. He had seen firsthand the way love could tear people apart, leaving behind nothing but shattered dreams and broken hearts. And yet, despite the uncertainty that lay ahead, he could not deny the depth of his feelings—or the hope that burned within him like a beacon in the darkness.

For Prime had discovered, in the unlikeliest of places, that even the most brilliant minds were not immune to the whims of the heart. And though he may have once scoffed at the notion of love, he now knew that it was the most powerful force in the universe—a force that could transcend time and space, and bind two souls together inextricably, forever.

Another risk Prime was faced with was that you were one of a kind. Every other y/n was dead or never even existed. You were the only one. Irreplaceable .

As the flames of love burned ever brighter within Prime's heart, they also cast shadows of obsession and possessiveness that grew darker with each passing day. What had begun as a profound connection had now morphed into something far more sinister—a consuming obsession that threatened to consume him whole.

At first, Prime's devotion to his beloved was endearing, his every action driven by a desire to protect and cherish you. But as their relationship deepened, so too did his need to possess you—to control every aspect of your life, to keep you tethered to him like a puppet on a string.

He watched your every move with a vigilance bordering on paranoia, his mind consumed by irrational fears of losing you to another. He monitored your phone calls, scrutinized your social media accounts, and interrogated anyone who dared to get too close. To Prime, love was not a partnership—it was a possession, something to be owned and controlled at all costs.

As his obsession spiraled out of control, Prime's behavior grew increasingly erratic and dangerous. He became possessive to the point of suffocation, smothering his beloved with his constant presence and demands for attention. He isolated you from friends and family, convincing you that he was the only one who truly cared for you, the only one you could trust.

But beneath the facade of devotion lurked a darker truth—a truth that Prime refused to acknowledge, even to himself. His obsession was not born out of love, but out of a deep-seated fear of abandonment, a fear rooted in his own insecurities. And yet, no amount of self-awareness could stem the tide of his obsession, which threatened to consume him entirely.

In his darkest moments, Prime's possessiveness erupted into fits of rage and violence, leaving behind a trail of destruction in its wake. He lashed out at anyone who dared to challenge his control, leaving his beloved trapped in a prison of fear and uncertainty.

But even as Prime's obsession pushed you to the brink of despair, you found within yourself a strength you never knew you possessed. With courage born of desperation, you confronted him, demanding that he release you from his suffocating grip.

“This is crazy, Rick! I thought we were friends!”

“ Friends ? You– You thought we were friends?! That is all I–I was to you?!”

As the words pierced through the fragile bubble of delusion Prime had constructed around himself, reality came crashing down with a force that left him reeling. "Friends," the words echoed in his mind, each syllable a dagger to his already wounded ego.

Prime's anger surged like a tempest within him, a whirlwind of emotions threatening to consume him whole. How dare you diminish your connection to something as trivial as friendship? How dare you deny the depth of his feelings, the intensity of his devotion?

His fists clenched at his sides, knuckles white with rage as he struggled to contain the storm raging within him. "Friends," he spat out bitterly, the words tasting like poison on his tongue. How could you be so blind, so oblivious to the love that burned within him like a wildfire?

But as the initial wave of fury subsided, a cold, calculating calm descended upon Prime—a calm born of a mind sharpened by years of manipulation and control. If you refused to see him as anything more than a friend, then he would make you see. He would bend you to his will, break down your defenses until you had no choice but to love him back.

With a predatory glint in his eyes, Prime approached you, his demeanor oozing with false charm and confidence. "You don't mean that," he said, his voice dripping with venomous sweetness. "You can't possibly deny the connection between us, the chemistry that burns like a flame."

But his beloved remained resolute, your gaze steady as you met his eyes with a mixture of pity and sadness. "I'm sorry, Rick," you said softly, your voice a gentle caress against the storm raging within him. "But I really don’t want this."

For a moment, Prime wavered, torn between his desire to possess you and the realization that true love could never be born out of coercion. But as the flames of his anger continued to rage unabated, he made his choice.

With a chilling calmness that belied the storm raging within him, Prime made it clear that he would not be denied. He would do whatever it took to keep you by his side, even if it meant bending you to his will by force.

And so, with a heart heavy with resignation, you found yourself trapped in a prison of Prime's making—a twisted labyrinth of manipulation and control from which there seemed to be no escape. And as the darkness closed in around you, you realized with a sinking feeling that you had underestimated the depths of Prime's obsession, and the danger it posed to you both.

His affection for you burned like a fever, consuming him from the inside out, driving him to ever greater lengths to make you his own.

Every action, every word was calculated to draw you closer, to ensnare you in the web of his desire. He showered you with gifts, whispered sweet nothings in your ear, all the while plotting to deepen your connection in ways that left you feeling both captivated and unnerved.

But for Prime, love was not enough. He craved more than just your heart—he longed to possess your body, to make you his in every sense of the word. And so, with a hunger bordering on obsession, he pursued you relentlessly, his touch electric with the promise of passion and possession.

You found yourself torn between revulsion and arousal, your body betraying you with each heated glance and lingering touch. There was something intoxicating about Prime's intensity, something primal that stirred within your depths, igniting a fire that you struggled to extinguish.

And though you fought against the tide of desire that threatened to consume you, a part of you couldn't help but yearn for his touch, for the forbidden pleasure that lay just beyond your reach. In the darkness of the night, you found yourself haunted by visions of Prime's embrace, his lips tracing a path of fire across your skin.

“Do you love me?”

“No.”

“…You should start before I lose every sense of self-control.”

He planted a last kiss on your shoulder before he stood up from the bed, walking towards the door.

“Tomorrow we’ll start a series of experiments. You will love me, y/n. You–You must .”

[genericpuff]

no but listen, rachel has truly embodied herself as persephone because she's constantly trying to "distance herself" from her past as a medical fetish artist but then keeps the name that's affiliated with her medical fetish art-

Like, I can't believe I never noticed it before tbh, but that was the thought that hit me while I was explaining to someone on reddit what the name "used bandaid" meant and why it was weird that Rachel is STILL using it on her print cover books, even now when she just recently set up a new Facebook account with her REAL NAME and not the used_bandaid penname (I feel like this is an attempt to "legitimize" herself in the industry but idk).

But that leads me into talking about how she keeps lying about LO being her first webcomic project and that really pisses me off. And yes, this is related to the used_bandaid thing, just bear with me here.

A lot of my contempt for this is for reasons that go beyond her, I just hate the notion that people should succeed on their "first try" and that's an idea that's often sold by people like Rachel who spin these grandiose stories of how they were just "trying it out" and suddenly wham! Fame and fortune! You can achieve all this and more if you just xyz!

Literally, in every interview I've found over the past couple years, she always heavily implies that LO was her "first attempt", that she had never used Webtoons prior to LO, and that she was just "dipping her toes" into the medium. None of this is true, she's literally been drawing webcomics since the early 2000's (possibly earlier but the earliest documentation we can find is of The Doctor Pepper Show), LO wasn't even her first webcomic on the Webtoons platform (that goes to The Doctor Foxglove Show which she ended up dumping a chapter in to work on LO almost immediately after starting it on Tumblr) and as much as she'll claim she "couldn't pay anyone to look at her work", she had landed a number of gigs that got her work out there, had been printed in anthology collections, and IIRC she had even won some small local NZ awards for her comics prior to LO. Shit, there was a local beer brand that had her art on its labelling.

But it really feels like she's trying her damn hardest to hide all that, never mentioning or implying that she did anything prior to LO, that she was just a "struggling graphic artist working in retail" until LO happened.

So why keep the penname that's directly affiliated with that past identity ??

It boggles my mind, honestly, especially considering she had gone by MULTIPLE usernames back then, some of which were actually pretty sane that she could have used instead (such as Rach Alex, which she uses in her FB groups, and Rachel Royale).

I wouldn't blame her if she was trying to hide her old medical fetish stuff, whether she didn't want it affiliated with her new LO branding or if she's just embarrassed by it, I can totally empathize with that because god knows I wouldn't be all that proud to show off the cringy shit I got up to during my early days on the Internet. But if she IS embarrassed by it, you'd think the last thing she'd want to keep is the name that's directly affiliated with the thing she's embarrassed by. Almost like a certain pink protagonist who goes by the name she earned after doing the thing she doesn't want to talk about.

But if she ISN'T embarrassed by it, then why lie?

Why paint this picture that LO was a one hit wonder, that she lived on "struggle street" until she found fame and fortune on Webtoons?

Oh right. Because it's a better story.

Because it's way more romantic to be some struggling indie darling who "came from nothing" and achieved fame through one big idea. Because it looks good for the platform who's trying to attract people to their app and website on the promise that you, too, can be a success story simply because you followed the exact same perceived steps that you saw another person follow and advertise.

If you can't tell from my tone, I really fucking hate this kind of disingenuous wish fulfillment advertising. It's manipulative, it's cruel, and it sets people up with expectations far beyond their scope of reaching, both due to the luck and "being in the right place at the right time" involved at best (which is a HUGE factor in stories like these that people never talk about), or through joy-killing comparison at worst when you don't achieve worldwide fame on your first try and wonder why everyone else did (spoiler: they didn't, they just want you to think that because it makes for better headlines and it gets you using whatever product they're affiliated with.)

If Rachel doesn't want to be tied down to her past, that's fine. But it's incredibly irresponsible and flat out cruel to lie about that past existing at all because it sets a horrible precedent to those who look up to her and want what she has.

And I say all that because I've seen what happens to the people starting out who admire these creators who painted the picture that they were just successful right off the bat. It's not a fun headspace to be in, it's robbed many creators like myself and others of their joy in creating, and it's really all just a ploy to get you to spend time and money and energy on a stupid corporate phone app that profits off your emotional investment and labor. Don't fall for it. Pretending like the Act of Wrath didn't happen doesn't remove it from history.

Anyways, I was gonna leave it at that, but then I ended up doing another rabbithole deep dive through her Wayback Machine and found album art she had illustrated for NZ band PorcelainToy. Enjoy this piece of her "dark era" art that still exists without needing to use the Wayback Machine.

[cvrnelians]

unfollowed - chapter two

Kendall has been building up the courage to talk to you for a while now. When he finds your Twitter account, he sees this as the perfect opportunity to get to know you anonymously, without any preconceived notions.

He didn’t mean for it to go this far. He’s planning on telling you the truth eventually, he really is! One day. When it’s the right time.

Ideally, before you figure out he’s not Greg.

chapter one

-

chapter two

He was going to give it back. 

Honest.

He was just…taking his time.

Isn’t that what everyone in rehab kept telling him to do—slow down, regroup, take his time? Or was it to take time for himself? Maybe both? He wasn’t sure, he hadn’t been paying too much attention. He was too depressed to meaningfully engage in the 30-day inpatient program he most recently checked himself into. 

It was more of a spa, really. So although his lack of engagement in the program didn’t go unnoticed, it didn’t exactly make waves, either. Facilities such as this—those that catered towards the upper echelon of society—could be as lenient as they were luxurious. Nobody got on his case for his meager recovery efforts, which was unheard of in past facilities he’d been to. Again, this place was really more of a spa. The bar was set low for those that paid big. He didn’t learn a whole lot, he didn’t make any real connections, he didn’t acquire any useful coping skills, all of which he had ample opportunity to do. During that month, he basically just went on the elliptical and swam a lot. But he got through it. And most importantly, he got sober. 

He was fully intending to stay that way.

He had been sitting underneath a tree at the park, coffee in hand. He reluctantly chose to take the week off of work, having just gotten out of treatment. He was trying to do what he had been told to do: slow down, relax, do some "self-care." He wasn’t exactly sure what “self-care” was supposed to entail. The concept seemed kind of nebulous. If engaging in self-care practices involved the things he enjoyed, Kendall’s main joys in life were really pretty simple:

Personal achievement, and being able to share it with someone.

Limited edition sneakers.

Earning his father’s approval, even in just the form of a nod or the occasional pat on the back (...which was probably a little sad, now that he thought about it).

Music. 

Hanging out with Stewy, but only sometimes.

Turtlenecks.

These days, though, he didn’t get much joy out of anything, so the idea of self-care seemed even more perplexing. Kendall had been doing…not so amazing for quite some time now. 

Clinically depressed was probably a better way to put it.

Yeah.

He had arrived at a confusing place as far as grieving the loss of his relationship was concerned. At least he wasn’t completely miserable anymore. He accepted the situation to a certain extent, but that didn’t mean he was happy about it. He fully understood that being with Rava and their children as a family unit was no longer an option. And because he understood it, he respected her decision. He could concede that he hadn’t been a very reliable husband or father, which was actually kind of an understatement. 

But selfishly, he missed them. A lot. He missed having his family there when he got home.

Rava loved him once, but now she didn’t. He couldn’t help but wonder who the hell was going to now. Certainly not his siblings, or his parents, or—considering how downright inconsistent he could be—his own children. 

Most certainly not himself. 

He was going to at least try and rebuild, though. He figured he would go out, get some breakfast, and run a few errands (with a body guard not far behind), things he rarely did for himself. Maybe it would feel good to be more independent.

His black sweatsuit, baseball cap and face mask had proven surprisingly effective in disguising him from the general public, to the point where he was able to take a stroll through the park without being recognized for the most part. Only a small handful of people stopped and squinted at him. This, he liked. Unfortunately, his amateur disguise (what he referred to as his “rehab uniform,” complete with Gucci slides and a depression beard, so far removed from what he typically wore) had also proven effective in making him feel more self-conscious.

This, he did not like.

But he liked you.

He liked you as much as he could like someone he’d never actually spoken to before. 

In spite of having observed you for a solid five minutes now, as far as Kendall could tell, you hadn’t noticed him at all. He felt like a bit of a creep, but he was grateful you didn’t notice him. For one thing, he looked like shit. Even if he never talked to you, he wasn’t too keen on the idea of someone he found attractive seeing him like this. Not to mention, you were on the phone, and he didn’t want you to think he was eavesdropping on your conversation.

He totally was, though.

He heard you before he saw you. You had come and sat down beneath another tree a few feet in front of him. You were clearly exasperated. Someone had chiseled your patience down to nothing. This was made evident by your tone. Not exactly pleased.

“I give up.”

Those were the first words he heard come out of your mouth. You actually kind of startled him. Here comes this interesting looking person, saying the exact words he was thinking just as you walked by. He couldn’t help but wonder if he imagined it. He was curious. Who are you and why do you want to give up? And what do you want to give up, exactly?

You were quiet as you laid out the plethora of things you were carrying along the grass: a towel, a bag, a small book. The person you were on the phone with must’ve been speaking. He couldn’t hear them, but based on your response, he was almost 100% certain they were attempting to reassure you.

You spoke again.

“I gave up a while ago. I had to. It wasn't worth it. He may love you, and believe me, I’m glad you have that relationship with him. I really am.”

There was another pause. 

It was a nice statement you made there, but Kendall wasn’t buying it one bit. He heard himself say those exact words to Roman and Shiv several times over, and um…

Well.

They were bullshit. He was bullshitting. He was bold-faced lying to them. He didn’t have to know you—or even who or what you were talking about—to know that you were bullshitting, too. For a split second, he wondered if you were a figment of his imagination; a dream, some form of wish fulfillment or something. He had only heard a few short snippets of your conversation, and already it felt like he was listening to himself talk. 

“Ari, I’m never gonna earn his approval.”

Another pause. 

“Dad hates me.”

Another pause, this time much longer than the other ones. Kendall sat there listening, willing you to say something. Go on… he wanted to say. He almost wanted to tell the person on the other end of the line to shut up. Go on…

The next sound he heard startled the both of you.

The opening notes of Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

“Oh my god,” you lamented. You let out a loud "UGHHHHHHH." It took effort for him not to laugh.

“Oh, no. It's fine. I'm just gonna be late for that...thing. Really late. I accidentally set my alarm at the time I’m supposed to be there. I can't believe I did that. I feel bad, I don't want to waste any more of his time."

It was your alarm on your phone. You had set your alarm on your phone to fucking Sabotage by the Beastie Boys.

Was it possible to develop a crush on someone in under five minutes?

“Aria, I’m really sorry. I gotta go. I'll talk to you soon. Love you.” 

You scrambled to pick up your belongings and sprinted away, accidentally dropping something behind you as you ran. You didn’t look back once in your haste to get wherever it was you needed to be so urgently.

“HEY!” Kendall yelled. He set his coffee down and ran after you, picking up what you left behind. You were running so fast you didn’t even hear him yelling, and he lost sight of you just as quickly as you took off. He ran for a good thirty seconds trying to find you, but you had disappeared into a crowd. Kendall sighed as he came to a stop. His bodyguard wasn't exactly happy with him. You left him standing in the middle of the park winded and embarrassed, clutching onto a book.

And here he thought all that time on the rehab elliptical would make him a better runner. 

Hopefully you would realize you were missing something and turn around at some point. As he sat back down, he noticed that his coffee had fallen over and spilled onto the grass. Of course. He rolled his eyes and leaned back against the tree trunk. He would wait for you to come back, at least for a little while. And in the interim, why not do a little reading?

📚☕️

It was a book, but it wasn’t a book book.

He was amused to discover just how messy, almost comically chaotic the planner was. You had written and scribbled on any and every open space available to you in different colored pens. It was like an assault to his eyes. And yet, he could still make out every plan, event, or important date you had marked down. Organized chaos.

He could relate.

Kendall hadn’t owned a planner in years, not since he hired Jess. And even then, naturally she kept track of everything electronically. But there was something about holding a hard copy planner that felt satisfying to him. He noticed that you often checked off and crossed out your past writings. He wondered what it would feel like to look back on a list of all the things he had accomplished in a week. Maybe he would feel a little bit better about himself if he started physically checking off things on whatever his to do list was for that day. He would have something concrete to look back on and be proud of. Maybe you were onto something, archaic as it was.

He was perusing his way through the planner for while, even though he knew he shouldn’t. It was for a noble purpose, he justified to himself. He was trying to find your name and phone number so he could return it to you. 

Not that your name and phone number were both on the first page or anything. Not that he had already found them when he first opened the book or anything. Of course not. 

He looked for today’s date. There it was: Coffee date, 11am. At first he was a little disappointed, but he couldn't help but laugh. First off, you were in fact very late. Second, you had drawn a sad face next to it. “Why go on a date if you don’t even wanna go?” he mumbled to himself. 

Seems like something I would do.

🌳🙃

“Dude, you already found her instagram. Just reverse image search if you’re that curious to find more,” Stewy said over a mouthful of pizza, grabbing Kendall’s phone out of his hands. “Do you seriously not know how to do that?”

Kendall grabbed his phone defensively. “Obviously I do. God."

He did not.

“Her instagram is like, ninety percent photos of her cat, anyway. What am I gonna find if I reverse image search that?”

“You never know,” Stewy shrugged. “Kinda not cool of you to look through this stranger’s planner, though. Those things are like lowkey diaries to some people. Sometimes even more personal. And then to just not even try and return it, and to look her up on social media...”

Kendall sighed. “I told you. I’m gonna give it back.”

“I mean, I guess I would be curious, too.”

“You would.”

“I mean, I guess as long as you give the book back, it's fine?”

“I will. And it is.”

“But, and I'm just playing devil's advocate here, Ken; you know I love you. You shouldn’t have looked through it to begin with.”

“Stewy, you know you would’ve done the same thing. You know you would’ve. I’m telling you this is nothing malicious or weird. I’m just curious is all.” 

“Curious. And desperate. And bored.”

Kendall got up to grab his coat. He liked hanging out with Stewy, he really did.

But only sometimes.

“Alright. I’m going home.”

“Love you, too, Kenny!” Stewy yelled over his shoulder.

He smiled to himself. “Ah. A lovely cheese pizza. Just for me.”

🍕

lol well now we know how ken found her secret twitter. thank you so much for reading/liking/replying/reblogging the first chapter. hope you enjoy ♥️

[linkspooky]

Bungo Stray Dogs 104 Thoughts

This latest chapter has shown that despite all of Atsushi’s efforts to be some kind of “hero of justice” he is at heart a scared little child. Atsushi despite aspiring to save people, only sees the world in incredibly strict categories of black and white. Whenever he is presented with a situation that is slightly gray he has no idea what to do. 

1. Black and White 

This entire arc is about challenging the notion of heroes or simple black and whites. After all, the main villain of the arc is a war hero and old friend of Fukuzawa, teamed up with the “Demon” Fyodor to achieve the same objective. The heroes the detective agency, are framed for murder and then are easily turned into villains in everyone else’s eyes no matter how many good deeds they had done in the past. 

The arc itself starts with someone Atsushi refers to as a villain, immediately showing him that he’s capable of feeling remorse for his actions and chooses to murder anyway in pursuit of an ideology. 

This reseponse totally throws Atsushi, and if I had to list a reason why it would be precisely because Atsushi has no ideology whatsoever. His ideals are “Save people”, but even that is something he only believes because it was beaten into him. It’s important to remember Atsushi didn’t form his own morals identity and sense of right and wrong like a healthy individual, he had his current ideas of good and evil beaten into him by his abuser. 

His entire personality is built around trying to please Teacher and be the kind of student he would be proud of, a dead man, who beat into the him the lesson if he is not able to protect others he is worthless, and that evil people are one dimmensional monsters who uses violence to hurt other people. Even the idea that Gogol can have any kind of ideology confuses him because all his teacher taught him was that evil people are one dimmensional villains that only think of hurting others. 

When presented with any kind of situation that’s difficult or requires thinking Atusshi has a hard time coping, because Atsushi’s own sense of self is underdeveloped. 

Atsushi has extremely negative amounts of self esteem and self confidence, if he’s not leaping into danger, or being told what to do he basically has an incredibly hard time making a decision. What he hates worst of all is to have to make a decision entirely on his own as an individual because Atsushi has no trust in himself to make the right choice. That’s basically what having a low-self worth means, Atsushi is continually anxious and indecisive because he lives to please other people and does almost nothing for himself. 

He is etnerally a little boy and while he may have grown stronger he hasn’t really grown up, not really, Beast Au is once again incredibly telling of Atsushi’s mental state. When Atsushi imagines the person he would have liked to become, he imagines himself as a crayon drawing of a superhero being patted on the head by his abusive sensei. He imagines all the happy orphans giving him an applause. It’s a child’s dream and what Atsushi desperately wanted the orphanage to have been instead of the horrifying place he grew up. 

Beast even says it outright. Atsushi is incredibly emotionally undedeveloped, because he is in a much healthier environment now he hasn’t really healed from his initial trauma. He is still essentially trying to earn a dead man’s praise and live the way that man taught him rather than trying to deveop a sense of self or his own identity or figure out how he wants to live. 

If anything, this arc has made it harder and harder for Atsushi to grow in this way, because the detective agency has been scattered to the wind, and he has spent basically the whole time continually running away and in distress. 

So returning to the beginning, this entire time Atsushi has been facing moral greys. They had to make a deal with the Mafia in order to survive and even surrender one of their members. Atsushi had to cooperate with Fitzgerald, the villain he defeated in his great act of saving the city. They are being hunted by war heroes, the hunting dogs, people who are known for obsessively hunting and destroying their enemies no matter what. A team that features people like Tecchou, who take sadistic pleasure in torturing the people they take down. 

People who don’t really care if the Detective Agency are guilty or not, because they are Just Following Orders TM. One of them even engineered the framing of the detective agency in the first place. 

It makes sense that Atushi cannot make decisions, because making your own decisions requires a strong sense of self, independence and even the basic ability to be confident in the decisions you make. Atsushi’s greatest fear however is being alone. The whole arc itself is Atsushi having his allies chipped away one by one until he is finally alone, and he freezes up. 

This is what hapepsn when you live to pelase other people you become unable to think for yourself. Atsushi is so paralyzed by the idea of being alone, because suddenly then all the responsibility falls on him. Atsushi had the idea that if he’s not able to save everyone then he’s not even allowed to live beat into his head. This is not a mentally healthy person who can handle making mistakes. If Atsushi is not the hero he’s no one. He’s destroyed by both the weight of responsibility and the fear of losing everyone and that will mean reverting to his orphanage days. 

Which is where we get to the latest chapter. Atsushi once again is asked to make a decision on his own, and freezes up because he has no idea what to do. Remember as I established above, Atsushi has no idea of morality outside of imagining himself as a comic book hero. His idea of what a good person is is a crayon drawing. His morals are given to him by other people. He mainly follows Dazai’s and the Agency’s plans rather than thinking for hismelf because he is afraid to be alone. Atsushi himself is a caring and compassionate person, but when he tries to talk about ideals to others he has no idea what he’s talking about. 

Which is what the Hunting Dog calls him out on, Atsushi has no idea what he’s talking about he’s only spouting words. The Hunting Dog knowing the full truth decided of her own free will to side with the commander making a moral judgement, so Atsushi who has like no moral reasoning behind his own actions besides “heroes good, villains bad” can’t convince her to take his side. 

The Battle the Hunting Dog challenges him too is an ideological one not a physical one, which is his exact weakness because Atsushi has no ideals besides (save people otherwise you’re a completely worthless person). All Atsushi has to do to leave the room and help others is once again, make a moral decision, decide what is right for himself. 

But Atsushi cannot decide for himself, because he still revolves himself around pleasing everyone else and gaining their praise instead of thinking for himself. WHen presented with a morally gray situation and called upon to do these things for himself Atsushi once again struggles under the pressure. 

On top of that Atsushi’s pose even mirrors the name of the defense secretary who cannot believe Fukuichi’s actions, and begs him to return to being the selfless hero who saved people multiple times. 

The people of this world are begging for these characters to have more simplistic motivations for everything to be about heroes and villains again, but as the story has gone on longer things haev gotten more complex, and it’s up to characters like Atsushi to grow and adapt. To struggle to live in a more complicated way to world even though there is no easy way to live. 

[sleepingpopplio]

Toga and her happy ending

I think after taking some time to process the latest chapter I can finally verbalize what feels wrong about it. First, I think it’s really good to be hopeful that Toga isnt dead, but I also feel like a lot of the fandom right now is trying to not think about Toga being dead because if she truly is then they might end up like how I’m feeling. So, let’s just say hypothetically she is like truly, really dead without a shadow of doubt. 

Now, The first Issue I see with this writing is that it arguably goes against the themes of the story. In order to make a better society, our heroes need to be able to win AND save (hehe Bakugo and Deku at the core of the story once again). Otherwise, saving the league would feel hollow. So, Ochako DID win the fight between her and Toga by talking toga down from the edge and bringing out the goodness in her. But did she save her? 

I would argue no. 

Toga may be able to go out “her way”, but she still ends up dying before taking any further steps to heal and find her place as her authentic self within society. Ochako thinks she has a cute smile, but will everyone else? We are stripped of the negotiation process to get Toga the proper help she needs instead of throwing her in jail. We are deprived of Ochako standing up for her and helping her finally be the happy schoolgirl Toga always wanted to be, without the mask this time. We, the audience, are denied of seeing toga take accountability for her actions. Therefore, while Ochako may have saved Toga on a one-to-one level, and she still deserves credit for that btw, Toga ultimately died without witnessing society as a whole changing for the better. She was not saved— She was only helped… and is that a satisfying conclusion after years of buildup? After all the work to make Ochako come to value winning AND saving of everyone? Is that satisfying?

The fact that so many people refuse to believe Toga is dead points to this.

One more thing I would want to add here is a comparison to another member of the lead, someone that I have seen a lot of members of the fandom fight back against the notion that they should die. That character is Tomura Shigaraki. I’ve seen people say that Tomura should die in a sacrificial way in order to redeem himself, but then in response many fans push back and speak about how that wouldn’t solve any of Shigaraki’s problems and instead it would only leave shigaraki in a state of limbo in terms of reaching a satisfying and logical conclusion for him. Deku wouldn’t have achieved his goal to the fullest extent, society wouldn’t get to accept Tomura and show that even he is design of forgiveness after what he was put through, and we wouldn’t get to see how a reformed hero society would handle the league of villains moving forward. Sound familiar? My point in bringing this up is to show that it seemingly doesn’t make sense how you can argue how one villain should survive while the other should die because either way the death of one villain, even if it’s a heroic sacrifice, is still an incomplete rescue. It’s still an incomplete narrative, as it had framed itself to be a hopeful one, despite all the dark aspects. So, let’s just keep that in mind. 

My next point is going to be a heavy one, so buckle up. Let’s keep going with the hypothetical of Toga being really, truly dead, ok? Toga being dead has so many implications and undertones.  You can make an argument for, if she is the only league member that dies, how she is written in an upsetting way as both the only woman and canonically queer member of the league. Furthermore, the ‘Bury Your Gays’ trope is defined by killing off LGBTQ characters at an alarmingly higher rate than their heterosexual peers, and their death is usually because they entered some sort of queer relationship, or if someone has to die it might as well be the queer one. Am I saying that Horikoshi has malicious intent and hates queer people in stories? ABSOLUTELY NOT. DO NOT GO AND HARASS THE MAN BECAUSE IT ACCOMPLISHES NOTHING. But, there could be some internal bias because of Japanese society as a whole’s view of queer people. There also could be some push from editors to kill the queer character for this exact reason. Of course, this is all speculation and it’s not ok to jump to conclusions and assume the worst of writers. But Toga meant something to people. She meant something to queer people. If the reformed hero society could accept Toga for who she is, then wouldn’t that include her queerness? In a world where homophobia is increasing again at an alarming rate, kids need to see that being queer doesn’t mean that they have to be the “villain” in society’s eyes. Queer people deserve saving. But as my previous point discussed, Toga was not fully saved. Queer kids reading the manga will not get to see how Toga could find her sense of belonging in society while still living her truth. The queer subtext behind her relationship with Ochako will end in of of their deaths. Therefore, as someone with experience with living in a homophobic household and having to hide themselves, this does not feel like a happy ending.

Furthermore, I’m going to make another comparison just like I did in my previous point. But this time, I’m going to use a character from a different franchise that also involves superhero’s and is a heavy inspiration for Horikoshi’s writing. That character is Black Widow from the MCU. She was a beloved character, but often underutilized by the writers. The only female member of the avengers, Black Widow was often sexualized and used as the object of desire out of the bunch. She was badass, but always tied to her male counterparts. She was not allowed to exist without the other male avengers around. This was the pattern of her character writing for many years, up until Avengers: Endgame premiered. When that movie came out, Blackwidow played a key role… that role was to sacrifice herself. She did this so that her best friend, Hawkeye, wouldn’t have to sacrifice himself instead. He didn’t want her to sacrifice herself. He was fine with dying and tried to stop her. But despite his efforts, Blackwidow still sacrificed herself and died. This happened before she could get her own movie, and specifically before she could confront her past trauma and heal from it. She went out her way on her terms, but the audience still lost the vital piece of representation that she gave to the avengers and still suffered from never seeing Blackwidow’s character get to heal and overcome her pain. Does all of this once again sound familiar? Women often are the first to get hurt or die out of their hero or villain groups in the superhero genre. One good thing about Toga, however, is that she died alongside another female companion. A well written relationship between two women was front in center, instead of one between a man and woman. Despite that, however, Toga was often used as the sexualized member of the league and tended to revolve around Izuku a lot, just like Blackwidow. That is why it was amazing to see her bond with Ochako, and then devastating to have that taken away without letting the audience witness Toga’s complete healing.

Therefore, dying “your own way”, is only empowering if the female character had already had time to complete their character arc and heal their trauma in the same way that their male peers were allowed. Otherwise, it feels fake.

This chapter was overall amazingly well written. I enjoyed it a lot. Honestly, I enjoy MHA as a whole a lot!!! I’ve hyper-fixated on this story and tis characters a lot, and have a lot of faith in Horikoshi as a writer. I have no doubt that he’ll do a great job writing the other characters in this final arc give the audience a satisfying conclusion. I also hope that I’m proven wrong and somehow Toga ends up ok.

But the ending reminded me of how far writing has to go in order to accurately portray the female and queer experience, and to give such characters hopeful endings like everyone else. Toga deserves to find  acceptance. She deserves to find love from society as a whole, not just Ochako. 

Toga Himiko deserves a happy ending. Queer women deserve happy endings too.

Sorry to be a downer, everyone. If you want a more hopeful meta for this chapter, then please go check out @pikahlua’s blog because their meta on this chapter was spectacular and mind blowing.

[connoisseursdecomfort]

The Problem of Normality (Pt. 2) - Yor in Chapter 79

Due to Chapter 79 and the recent discussions on Twitter, maybe it’s time to continue overthinking about Yor’s characterisation (yay).

To me, how Endo plays with the idea of normality has always been very intriguing, because basically this is a story about a bunch of people trying to act normal in order to hide their secret identities. In a post-war police state where the sense of normality feels so fragile at times. Endo is a comedy genius to give this exceptional spy the best family ever - these two biggest weridos (affectionate) who know nothing about normality. Yor, especially, struggles with grasping the meaning of “normal”, which can easily be found in OED:

As I’ve mentioned in part 1, she is marginalised because of her assassin job. That’s why she tries so hard to “become normal”, and of course, as a result hilarity ensues. 

Normality, however, is the most difficult thing to achieve. Especially when you are hyper-aware you are not sure about what you should really do in situations, and when you feel that you are being observed. 

We talk about normality as if there is a set of doctrines, but no. Normality can be chaotic, as shown in Chapter 77 and 79. It’s just a range of behaviours and reactions that can be comprehended - even when they seem kind of out of place, it should still fit the bill as long as it is within the range. We don’t see how far and wide the range goes. But it does feel like an invisible boundary that you shouldn’t step out of.

One of the many interesting things in Chapter 79 is the different notions or versions of normality which confuse and frustrate Yor.

(manga spoilers ahead)

Yor tries so hard to look normal in front of her colleagues, but still processes it using her old ways - what was “normal” for Yor? She would receive orders/permissions from the Shopkeeper, and she would go straight to her target.

What’s kinda scary is it almost hints how the Shopkeeper maintains control by justifying killing for her:

Why did she become an assassin in the first place? She wanted to protect Yuri, the only family that was left for her. The shopkeeper would “help” her “if it will help make the world a more beautiful place”. Of course from the cruise arc she already knows she doesn’t really care about “the world” - this is just something the Shopkeeper likes to tell her.

Her purpose is gone when Yuri grows up, has a job and moves out. To hide her secret identity as an assassin, she marries Loid.

And so she comes to Loid.

Loid represents a new kind of “normality” in her life. He’s everything she isn’t. He’s charismatic. He’s good at people. And he’s always there to help her and make her feel better.

She goes to him if she ever needs advice on people’s problems.

And of course that panel with the transparent bubble.

So in her imagination, Loid is trying to tell her that’s not normal - but “he” is fake. Both of them maintain a false sense of normality by becoming a fake family. Didn’t she marry him so she can continue to work as an assassin?

Loid has been her go-to when it comes to “normality”, but he fails this time. Because it is not normal to have a perfect husband. He becomes part of her abnormality. They then started to fight.

At last, Anya appears and interrupts her imagination. 

Anya wants to keep the family together. She’ll do anything, including eating sweet omelettes. That’s when Yor gives up and runs back. It goes back to why she becomes an assassin. 

Chapter 79 echoes with Chapter 53, but in a totally different way. She likes to be an assassin. She finds purpose in it. But what if her job, or her need to act normal in order to keep her job, goes against her “purpose”?

The Shopkeeper and “Loid” both speak artfully - Yor doesn’t necessarily understand all of their intentions, but she does admire their words. They represent the two different kinds of “normality” she’s had. But these two versions of normality can easily be challenged - because “killing ish wrong”, and the perfect husband is fake.

It’s Anya who speaks to her. Yor fully understands Anya’s intentions. Yor kills because she wants to preserve something precious for her. She killed to keep her family together, and in Chapter 79, she stops killing because Anya pleads with her - Anya wants to keep the family together.

I’ve always thought Yor saw herself in Anya, and Chapter 79 kinda confirms that.

When did Yor want to be “more of a mother to” Anya? After the school interview. Anya said she wants to be with her papa and mama forever.

Yor could empathise with Anya more than anyone. After all, Yor did become an assassin to keep her family together. She got married and pretended to be normal because she didn’t want to worry Yuri. She did it for her family. And we can all see how hard Anya tries just to do the exact same thing.

And of course, now Anya’s family is becoming her family. She truly cares about Loid,

Just as Loid is starting to truly care about her.

Of course in her very drunken state she still thinks she’s doing it to “be normal”. But this is no longer an act for their colleagues or neighbours. If it’s not really for others, what or who is it for to “act like a normal couple”? Why do Loid and Yor still insist on becoming the lovey-dovey/perfect spouse for each other, especially when they now very consciously know “normal” relationships are imperfect and chaotic?

Just kiss already.

[flowers-of-buffoonery]

I SAW SOME OF YOUR ANALYSIS STUFF AND AUAUYAAUAUAHAHDKAKDISIAJRSIJAFKXKAIDK SO CAN I ASK WHAT YOUR THOUGHTS ON AKUTAGAWA/SSKK ARE 🙏 if not it’s ok !!

hi!!! I haven't thought extensively about akutagawa and sskk so I don't have general considerations – what I do have is thoughts specific to certain aspects of akutagawa's character, or certain sskk interactions. akutagawa and atsushi's first three fights gave me lots of food for thought re: akutagawa's early feelings towards atsushi. and so!! I present to you...

fascination, jealousy, sameness

akutagawa's thoughts on atsushi in chapters #4, #11-12, and #33-35

at first, atsushi is nothing but prey for akutagawa. the mafia wants to capture him alive; akutagawa, as a "humble dog" (his words) of the organisation, hunts him down to fulfil his duty – nothing more.

atsushi is something to be caught – something akutagawa has absolute confidence he can catch. he's so confident he stops to chat, to tell atsushi about rashōmon, to make threats. in short: he underestimates him. he doesn't see him as a threat even when atsushi tries to fight back.

but then, atsushi half-transforms into the white tiger, and that gets akutagawa's attention. atsushi stops being a helpless prey and becomes a vaguely challenging prey instead. akutagawa takes his time to observe him, taking in atsushi's skills, marvelling at his speed.

fighting him becomes interesting. of course, dazai steps in before long, ending their fight, and akutagawa has to go back to the mafia empty-handed, with promises of retaliation. what he thinks of atsushi at this point we might never know. what we do know, is that every neutral thought he could have had is abruptly killed the moment he speaks to dazai in ch. 9.

dazai tells him that atsushi is "far more talented" than akutagawa ever was; akutagawa, whose primary drive is to make dazai proud, is immediately consumed with jealousy and murderous spirit. atsushi might still be a prey, but his main status in akutagawa's mind is that of a rival – someone he needs to cut down to achieve his goals.

so the next time akutagawa has the chance to capture atsushi, he tries stabbing him to death. he doesn't even try to fight; he simply doesn't want him alive any longer. of course, atsushi's power heals him before he can die, and so akutagawa has to fight him again.

this time, akutagawa is absolutely ruthless with both his words and rashomon. atsushi is an obstacle to be removed; someone weak, someone worthless, someone dazai couldn't possibly consider training – and yet.

atsushi took the possibility of dazai's praise from akutagawa; he can't forgive him. so he mocks him, taunts him, toys with him. he's still so sure to be the superior ability user out of the two of them that, when atsushi manages to hit him by being smart, akutagawa can't help but think of dazai's lessons, of the cruel training he underwent, the skills he learnt – all of which atsushi lacks. and yet dazai has more faith in his skill than he does in akutagawa's.

the problem is – akutagawa can't see it. he refuses to see it, refuses to entertain the notion that atsushi, as untrained as he is, might be a match for him – because if he admits it, then isn't dazai right? so he underestimates atsushi again, and loses their first full fight because of it. which of course only makes him angrier.

in his anger and hurry to kill atsushi, akutagawa decides to ignore the truce between the mafia and the ADA, and joins him on the moby dick to kill him. at this point, akutagawa has been obsessing over atsushi for a significant amount of time, and I think his obsession didn't just strengthen his resolve to kill him – it slowly, subconsciously, made him see atsushi as a partial equal. he's been thinking about him so much that he identified similarities between the two of them; he hates him enough that he wants to kill him in a fight; and his previous defeat has forced him to realise that atsushi does have some skills.

so instead of attempting to kill him swiftly, akutagawa fights him. and as he fights him, you can clearly see there's a part of akutagawa that's fascinated by atsushi – this person he could almost see himself in, the only other person dazai chose to train. he's unaware of this fascination, and thus unable to conceal it.

akutagawa doesn't understand atsushi, and he doesn't understand dazai's choice to train him. but then fitzgerald reveals the horrors of atsushi's past, and suddenly akutagawa does understand, and his anger skyrockets – but so does his disdain. he despises the way atsushi wallows in his own pain, dwells on his own past, instead of recognising how lucky he is to have dazai's recognition and praise.

akutagawa can see himself in atsushi's past self. they don't share the same past, but their experiences are equivalent; yet akutagawa hasn't wallowed in his own misery for a single second, while atsushi is still bound by his painful memories. "I got over my past and got over myself; why can't you do the same and achieve greatness?" is probably what plays in a loop inside akutagawa's head. his disgust can only be so intense because atsushi's circumstances feel unbearably personal.

but akutagawa can also see himself in atsushi's present self, who is a student to dazai. the similarities end there, as akutagawa is convinced atsushi has done nothing to deserve this, and is wasting his good luck. "I got over myself and have been trying my utmost for years. you, meanwhile, are still stuck in your misery by choice, and don't make any efforts to become better... and yet dazai has taken you under his wing. why? why did it have to be you?"

these are, I think, akutagawa's thoughts. but a part of him can already see why dazai chose atsushi, why he deems him talented; he just refuses to acknowledge it, wrapped up as he is in jealousy.

[mintmoth]

Thoughts on Kalim now coming to terms that Jamil was letting him beat him

Honestly hearing Kalim talk about it during this most recent chapter heart my heart a little

Spoilers for the recent update-

But oh man honestly it's so sad because really he has been under the impression that he's been succeeding on his own merit or with his own skills, which has actually lended the benefit that Kalim does generally have confidence in himself and what he does, but to learn that he's only been actively succeeding in most things due to his positioning as the Asim heir

Like that's.. so incredibly deflating. It's something that makes you have to question all of your achievements and your abilities and skills

Honestly it just shows how strong of a person Kalim is to have this be something that motivates him to really try harder and do better, but it's absolutley understandable for him to be upset by this revelation-

And it also is good that Jamil is now aware of this since he's had such a specific image of Kalim painted in his head that's just.. ultimately incorrect. Both Kalim and Jamil have been misunderstanding one another for years. So for him to learn that yeah, Kalim absolutley doesn't want to just be handed things, he wants to rightfully earn his accomplishments- it absolutley shatters that preconceived notion

But it really does also put them on a more even field moving forward, since Kalim will be actively trying harder and Jamil will be actually be trying

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I feel like the ot7 "love all members equally" became such line pushed from some of the fandom in response to solos acting up and attacking anyone who they thought/think doesn't support the member they stan. It was almost a direct response to the "fake ot7, you're a ot6 or x member anti" that has become such a copy paste attack, so it almost became a copy paste response.

A world where each solo work is as equally supported or successful was unrealistic to anyone not too caught up in stan life. Taking member popularity out of the equation, even Bts songs perform differently and have different success levels depending on the actual song type, the release strategy etc. I think some people forget that despite army being massive they are not a hive mind for one, but also Bts have a lot of fans who aren't actively engaged in online fandom life or stan culture. Casual listeners, people who consider themselves fans, but don't spend any time online in kpop spaces, general music fans who like them. People like to put all their success on fandom, which yes Army play a massive role in, but they end up being very dismissive of the mystical gp people talk about so much. Bts have general music fans as listeners. If army was singularly responsible for everything then every bts song would perform as well as if not better then the previous and we know that in itself isn't true. It was the goto after Dynamite and Butter to treat anything not reaching those levels as a failure. If we can acknowlege their own group songs perform less well (well less well by chart watchers anyway) by being a korean ballad over an upbeat pop song, then that also extends to their solo releases as well. Infact most music artists have songs that hit and songs that miss charting wise despite having their own fanbases to help push them.

It's also perfectly normal for people to have preferences. Nobody loves each bts song equally. People prefer different genres and will act accordingly. Personally I'm more rapline biased so I naturally prefer and listen to their solo music more. On opposite side I've never really connected with Taes solo music prior to chapter 2. Does it mean I hate him? No it just means I have a musical preference.

People criticise army for being brainwashed and mindlessly supporting everything whether they like it or not, then criticise army for not being brainwashed and letting preferences show.

I guess my point is that we can't say Bts have broken through beyond kpop meaning getting on the radar of non kpop fans and then try and pin everything about them at this point onto only their kpop fandom. There's a difference between being a stan and being a fan and Bts don't just have stans they have fans. Look at how wonderfully diverse army can be from race, gender, age etc and you think all those people are sitting on twitter or tiktok? That every single butt that fills those stadiums also has an online stan account? It might come as a shock to solos, but even people whe might like one members solo music won't automatically develop a hatred towards their group and other members because general music fans are not hyper competitive in that way.

It's like Yoongi talks about people seeing the world in black and white, when most people are grey. Stans, certain factions of army, solos etc they see things about Bts, the members, Army and achievements in black and white, but there are many Army or general Bts fans that exist in the grey area and the grey area isn't a hive mind so people need to stop expecting the actions and results of one.

Anyway sorry for my rant, it's not directed at you bpp because I feel like you'll understand what I'm saying. I've been thinking about it for a while and its a topic you've been discussing recently, so it just came out.

***

Yeah, I get what you mean and agree for the most part.

I'll copy-paste what I said in the replies earlier:

"The notion of ‘equal in every way every time’ is a mantra that actually comes from solo stans, that ARMY started mirroring back because in group systems, nuance isn’t well communicated. The reality is that while all the guys are equally responsible for the group’s success and should get similar support over the course of their careers, the nature of that support will likely change depending on year/era/concept etc. It requires us to focus more on ‘equity’."

I don't really blame the fandom because I understand it's easier to say 'treat the members equally' when what you actually mean to say is 'Recognize all the members contribute equally to the group and should get your support if you claim to support BTS within your means, preferences, and ability, no matter how that support looks like. Also, 'support' doesn't mean interloping their team and management to push your own preferences on them if what you see isn't what you like.'

BigHit has always seemed to highlight different members or sub-units of members in different eras, rather than equal focus on all seven all the time. It's like the line distribution discourse: they select different members to use in different ways depending on the song. Someone doing only adlibs could just as much to add to the quality of the song as someone with half the lines. Like I've said, BTS is a team, a utility tool, or a room of weapons that they all decide on strategically using to elevate the whole group from time to time. From my observation it was:

JK + rapline - 2013

Jimin + rapline - 2014 - 2015

Jimin + Jungkook - 2016 - 2017

Taehyung + Seokjin - 2018

Seokjin + OT7 - 2019

Jimin - 2020

Taekook - 2021

JK / OT7 or Chapter 2 - 2022 till date

It doesn't mean the other members were being 'mistreated' during those times either despite the akgaes of those members being absolutely convinced this was happening. BTS is just continuing in Chapter 2 a pattern they've showed throughout their career. All the members' debuts have been of outstanding quality and have been some of the best releases this year. It's clear the members ideas drove the music, concept, and presentation, and they're all reflecting on how to improve based on the feedback they've received. That to me is the most important thing in Chapter 2, and why I simply cannot force myself to be worried for them. That also would not have been possible under a company that's looking to stifle them or limit their potential. It's simply not how these things work here. Jungkook and Seven is the weapon they've decided to use this time and I hope they're successful.

"People criticise army for being brainwashed and mindlessly supporting everything whether they like it or not, then criticise army for not being brainwashed and letting preferences show."

Like I keep saying, it's a myth that people in the fandom are being coerced to support everything BTS releases. The fact is everyone here does what they want, and the overwhelming support BTS gets is because they have that many fans who genuinely like what they put out and want to support it. The results frankly speak for themselves and many narratives from multis, mantis, akgaes, and other k-pop stans, haven't matched the reality for a long time. The only reason it's still spread is two reasons: copium and hate.

*

It doesn't surprise me that the fandom is in this state tbh. I did a poll three months ago asking when people joined the fandom, and it showed ~60% of the responders joined after 2020. And many of these people are in jikook spaces (given I posted the poll on my blog) so I'd assume many could be very heavily biased to one or two members, and that's usually a pre-cursor to becoming a full-blown akgae unless someone actively de-radicalizes themselves. The only limiting factor for that transformation, is time.

I've been getting an ask from an acct for months asking the same thing. It's like they copy-paste the exact same ask into my inbox at the same time every week. I've never replied. One time they slipped up and posted the ask without being anonymous, so I saw their profile. This person was asking me why people in the fandom hate Jimin, how there were many OT6s, how they think I'm one myself, how they didn't understand how someone as sweet as Jimin would have people dislike him much less hate him. I looked at that person's profile, saw their following list filled with self-avowed PJMs whose blogs were more about 'Tedros', 'Payolakook', 'arrogant, selfish, stingy Yoongi and Namjoon', 'useless Seokjin', and 'sweet j-hope' (I'll come back to this), than anything about Jimin, his words, and his art. In fact, j-hope who was initially lauded on one blog as Jimin's only true friend in BTS (it doesn't escape me how he's had the furthest debut time from Jimin), was a fave until someone pointed out how he 'hogs' the dancer position in BTS and that he actually released On The Street close to FACE, and then Hobi became an asshole too according to those PJMs lmaooo. Like, these people just have such a simplistic, juvenile approach to BTS that I'd assume they were children, if not for the fact we see the same thought process play out in our politics - the realm of so-called adults.

Looking at that account's posting history, it was clear this person likely wouldn't think of themselves as a solo stan. Maybe just someone with a heavy bias who 'doesn't want to be in an echo chamber', or feels interacting with that part of the fandom is necessary to properly support their bias, or who wants to see frequent updates related to their biases; but it amused me how they could not draw a connection between their actions, their tolerance of hate towards members they don't think are as important/talented/etc as Jimin, and the state of the fandom towards the member they like. Like, do they think they're the only 'heavily biased ARMY' who casually scrolls pages that treat their bias like a god but nitpicks and tear down other members for real and perceived slights? Do they not see how they are creating the very problem they're observing? A lot of people are comfortable with supporting relentless 'criticism' or flat out hate thrown at other members (maybe even a member that person also doesn't like), but then act surprised that someone else in the fandom is just as comfortable with that mindset towards their bias. These people are mirrors of the exact same behaviours they say they hate, just towards the members they don't care about.

It's one of the most curious, hilarious, cognitive dissonances I see in these parts tbh.

But anyway, unless there's something drastic that splinters the ease with which people like this can stay and move around in the fandom, the situation will only worsen towards a full implosion. And if JK indeed gets a nomination, I'll be very happy. For many reasons. But the tantrums and resulting chaos will be a pain. If he doesn't get a nom, the heaving sighs of relief from the fandom too will be a separate problem loool. And then, *gasp* another k-pop act snagging the nomination and/or winning? Might as well become a prepper and plan for Armageddon.

Fun times ahead for the Purple Bloods! :)

[nightswatchdisbandmentera]

Benjen gave Jon a careful, measuring look. “You don’t miss much, do you, Jon? We could use a man like you on the Wall.”

Jon swelled with pride. “Robb is a stronger lance than I am, but I’m the better sword, and Hullen says I sit a horse as well as anyone in the castle.”

“Notable achievements.”

“Take me with you when you go back to the Wall,” Jon said in a sudden rush. “Father will give me leave to go if you ask him, I know he will.”

Uncle Benjen studied his face carefully. “The Wall is a hard place for a boy, Jon.”

“I am almost a man grown,” Jon protested. “I will turn fifteen on my next name day, and Maester Luwin says bastards grow up faster than other children.”

“That’s true enough,” Benjen said with a downward twist of his mouth. He took Jon’s cup from the table, filled it fresh from a nearby pitcher, and drank down a long swallow.

“Daeron Targaryen was only fourteen when he conquered Dorne,” Jon said. The Young Dragon was one of his heroes.

“A conquest that lasted a summer,” his uncle pointed out. “Your Boy King lost ten thousand men taking the place, and another fifty trying to hold it. Someone should have told him that war isn’t a game.” He took another sip of wine. “Also,” he said, wiping his mouth, “Daeron Targaryen was only eighteen when he died. Or have you forgotten that part?”

“I forget nothing,” Jon boasted. The wine was making him bold. He tried to sit very straight, to make himself seem taller. “I want to serve in the Night’s Watch, Uncle.”

In fandom, we often talk about Jon’s antics in his first AGOT chapter - e.g., boasting about being the better swordsman than Robb, his admiration of Daeron I, his insistence that he is a man and not a boy - as evidence of his immaturity. And there’s nothing wrong with that interpretation at all - I for one think that it’s very valid - but I rarely ever see this exchange with Benjen put in its full context; more specificallyy, the full context of what’s happening this entire chapter (and honestly what’s being going on in Jon’s life up to that point).

Because there’s something so…depressing and tragic about a fourteen year old boy desperately trying to grow up faster than is necessary because once he is a man, then there must be a place for him in this world. Because this exchange with Benjen is not happening in a vacuum. It arises out of the situation where the delineation between Jon’s social status and that of his siblings has been made ever more clear: his siblings get to sit at the high table with the visiting royal family whereas Jon has to sit with the squires far away from familiar company. But more importantly, he is a Snow and his siblings are Starks. They have a place of belonging (afforded to them by their Stark name) whereas he does’t (because he’s a bastard).

So Jon has to nurse his wounds with the belief that despite his bastardy, there has to be something he can do to belong. And what can he do, except grow up and be a man? At…fourteen years old?

So even though Robb can sit among royalty, Jon can still hold a sword just as well (in fact better) and ride a horse. He can be great too, not because of his name but because of his ability; but I do have to quibble with Benson’s (seemingly) sarcastic response to Jon’s answers here. Are you even bothering to actually listen to what Jon is saying, Uncle Ben?

And I have to admit that it makes me quite angry that the notion of bastards growing up faster than trueborns is not at all challenged among the characters. Do bastards actually grow up faster, or are they forced to fend for themselves faster than trueborns naturally would, just like Jon is in this chapter? It certainly doesn’t help that Benjen agrees with he statement, despite literally contradicting it just some few minutes earlier (by saying that Jon is just a boy and thus too young to make any life decisions for himself - like joining the Watch).

And as I was pondering on this, I realized that Jon really has been getting contradictory “advice” all his life: he’s a bastard so he has to grow up faster and cut his childhood short so he can make use of himself, but he’s actually a boy so his abilities and desires to advance are only a boy’s delusions, but then he has to join the watch and be a man and do a man’s job (and make a man’s sacrifices as Luwin would put it 🙄), but then he’s still a boy at the end of it all.

Given all this emotional and mental whiplash, Jon is actually quite well adjusted. I couldn’t imagine having to be pulled into 1000 different directions because at the heart of it the question is: is he a man or is he a boy? And what can he do, boy or man that he is, because he’s still a bastard?

I think this chapter shows that no one really bothered to sit Jon down and tell him that it’s okay to be a child, and that he doesn’t have to age far beyond his years because there’ll be someone to look out for him.

Worse yet, this chapter shows a young boy desperate to find a place for himself in the world, because no one else bothered to do so.

[leportraitducadavre]

Naruto and the "hero" concept

Volumes Covered: 1-27 (first part)

How Naruto as a character interacts with those in power, particularly those who represent the position he wants to achieve (Hokage) is an interesting discussion to have. However, since the manga is particularly long, such debate would inevitably become far too extensive, so I’ve decided to indulge in some investigation on the matter during the first part of the manga. The driven question: How does Naruto interact with the notion of Hero and how (or if) does evolve through his development?

Be warned, this is mostly an incredibly organized rambling of mine. Many things might not make enough sense to you and some specific moments could have been interpreted differently by some: This is a specific reading of the canonical material, not definitive facts.

Long post!

Wave Arc

“If something is precious to you, you need to protect it with all the strength you’ve got, even at the risk of your own life” (x)

Such words were spoken by Kaiza, Inari’s father and the first character to introduce in a deep manner the idea of what being a “hero” entails. These words, plus Kaiza’s sacrifice to save his son (and the town’s citizens), are both glorified by the narrative as something Naruto should aspire to want and become (even if later on the own narrative twists itself and destroys its own “heroic” concept when justifying the UCM and Tobirama’s Curse of Hatred).

I don’t think, and the manga in itself quite literally encourages to do so, that Naruto really understands the link between Inari and the concept of “hero” he possesses (I'm making no judgment since he uses his own conception to approach the subject). To the small civilian boy, the word hero was meant to categorize a person that protects what and whom they love even at the cost of their life. It’s pretty much highlighted here when Inari finally understands what Kaiza was trying to convey when they first met now that he formed an emotional connection with him (father-son). When Kaiza is killed -here-, Inari’s pain makes him turn his sadness into anger, and he gives sense to that feeling by accusing Kaiza of abandoning him and, therefore, taking away that “hero” status (he’s not there to protect him as a hero would). 

Upon hearing this, Naruto’s response “I’m going to show Inari that there are still heroes in the world!” (here) not only twists the narrative to introduce himself into an issue he wasn’t asked to be part of (furthermore, Tazuna had no right to tell) but also, realistically: it fixes absolutely nothing. Here’s the thing: Heroes, to Inari, are people emotionally invested with what or those they’re saving -it doesn’t have to do exclusively with being physically capable of doing so, but about wanting to because of the deep connection between them. Kaiza didn’t fail as a hero because he couldn’t defeat Gato, but because he “disappeared” (died). 

Naruto rescuing Inari should (from a narrative point of view, at least for now), not change Inari’s perspective because they have no relationship and because Naruto is pretty much paid to carry out a duty (even if canonically the mission Tazuna paid for doesn’t cover the costs of what Naruto is about to do, Inari knows nothing about it, there’s no panel that tells us otherwise).

So why is there a dichotomy between Naruto’s perception of a hero and Inari’s? In the very first chapter of the manga, there’s a direct link between the “Hero” concept and the “Hokage” title. Naruto’s wish to become a hero (or more specifically, The Hero), is a direct correlation to the mighty leader of Konohagakure, whom Naruto aspires to be. 

[The importance of the “hero” concept is mentioned again in chapter 8, where Naruto learns that there are shinobi who are considered “heroes” because they died for the village (sacrificed their life for Konoha’s benefit) and, in exchange, were rewarded with their name upon a stone.] 

However, as I presented before, Naruto’s way of approaching the subject has more to do with being physically able to save someone (for him, a hero is someone who is powerful enough to help, like how the Hokage is considered the strongest shinobi of the village), than understanding what the concept entails for Inari.

During Naruto and Haku’s conversation, the MC’s approach to the entire concept is finally addressed (x), Haku asks him if he has someone precious to fight for (x), and after hearing Naruto’s response, he tells him that people become stronger when fighting to protect someone they care for (x). It’s just then that Naruto relates that idea to Iruka (specifically Iruka sacrificing for him and his own decision to protect Iruka against Mizuki), to Kaiza’s story, and to Kakashi’s phrase: “I’ll never let my comrades die” (here). 

He understands upon speaking with Haku the importance of a bond and, therefore, of having an emotional reason (person, place) to fight for (and become stronger), yet this understanding doesn’t necessarily contradict Naruto’s previous belief. He still wants to prove a point and earn the recognition of the village that ostracized him by becoming the strongest ninja; whilst the notion that both Kaiza, Inari, and Haku preach does not necessarily include any sort of acknowledgment for their actions (Kaiza was literally used as an example of what happens to those who defy Gato while Haku establishes himself as a tool at Zabuza’s disposal -both are okay with that for their wants rested elsewhere). 

In the next chapter, 22, we have an important interaction: On this page, Inari, mad at Naruto, screams at him that not only he won’t be able to win against Gato’s tugs, but also he accuses him of speaking of a subject he has no idea of, being foreign, and (assuming) Naruto has experienced nothing of what he had to go through. 

As readers, we know that Naruto has been mistreated by his own people, but Inari’s point is understandable: Naruto knows nothing about Wave other than what was told to him, in the same manner, he puts himself in the position of becoming the island (Inari’s) hero: He wants the help he provides -or he’s about to provide, to be recognized, for the Hokage is Konoha’s hero, and his existence, relevance, and power are acknowledged. [Perhaps calling it Naruto’s idea of a hero is misplaced, for it could easily be labeled as Konoha’s idea of a hero].

After an emotional manipulation at the hands of Kakashi (yes, Naruto’s words also influenced the little boy, but he lacked the experience to understand what he was doing), Inari starts to respect Naruto and acts “heroically”, to which Naruto responds by displaying a better attitude towards him. I’ve spoken a little bit about it before it but there’s no harm in repetition: Shinobi’s cultural, economic, political, and social spheres are different from civilians’ -in that sense when in a non-shinobi space, ninjas have no say in civilian customs or actions; yet none of them (I’m including Kakashi and somewhat forgiving Naruto, giving his young age and the fact that this is the first time he ever went outside Konoha) are able to detach their world-view from their specific ninja cultural and political rules. Inari would have never obtained Naruto’s respect hadn’t been because he performed the “heroic” thing (the shinobi thing, which endangered his life for he had no tools to perform in the same manner Naruto or Kakashi did). Furthermore, his relationship with Naruto hasn’t changed, they had no interaction after their fight, but because Inari is suddenly brave enough to stand up for his mom instead of escaping to ensure his safety, their relationship is suddenly fixed.

[Just an idea: perhaps Naruto did approach Inari with the idea of apologizing before he saw him defending his mother -perhaps Haku’s words did modify his perspective, but that doesn’t change the fact that Inari was coerced to perform the “shinobi” thing by Kakashi].

There’s nothing in the narrative that suggests Inari was actually a coward before, the only reason why he didn’t jump to save his dog was that he couldn’t swim. One instance of being afraid to move -because of genuine fear and the knowledge of a more than likely demise-, does not define his entire person, plus, he was even younger, if during Wave Arc he was eight, then it means he back in the flashback that Tazuna tells, he was five-years-old. It would have been slightly more understandable if Inari was born and raised in a ninja village, but for a civilian kid? Why such pressure? Again, the problem isn’t with Naruto exactly, he judges other people with the same bar with which he was/is judged (let’s remember, back in chapter 10, Kakashi shames Naruto when he froze during the attack of Kiri ninjas, despite that being the first time he was attacked in such degree), but we, the readers, are given the tools to question the exchange, not simply nod alongside everything the characters say. 

In the end, Naruto apologizes to Inari for calling him a baby, again, after he displayed bravery (which, I admit, was kind of greatly staged), and Chapter 23 ends with Naruto stating “man, this ‘hero’ thing is a lot of work”. Inari recognizes Naruto’s strength first, not his heroic capacity, until their “bonding” moment.

Naruto still doesn’t exactly question the central issue presented before: the main objective of becoming a hero isn’t about getting recognition (his current belief), but about protecting those he loves. The narrative tries to make a foreshadowing of what might come: Naruto learning that him being a ninja on duty -a person that gets paid to either protect or kill, immediately clashes against what a hero should be (Kaiza’s definition); his current belief is put there only to be questioned, but that questioning ends up nowhere, after the first part (and I dare to say Wave Arc) it disappears (at least for Naruto, since Sasuke seems to be the one who carries this notion afterward). 

Naruto’s speech to Zabuza (here and here) about the way shinobi apparently need to be emotionless in order to follow through with a mission or become strong is a direct contradiction to the rule introduced by Sakura herself. The way Kishimoto wrote those scenes means that the clash of ideals is on purpose, even Zabuza admits that shinobi are human beings and they aren’t able to completely erase their feelings (yes, that also contradicts the Curse of Hatred that is later on introduced). 

The Hokage is a person that -as stated by Ebisu, “knows and understands the eight principles that are the cornerstones of all the knowledge of the shinobi”, furthermore, Hiruzen (a direct example of who Naruto wants to become), expects the future shinobi to know and follow a number of rules, it’s are a requirement to pass the initial course. This is the first time Naruto questions the basis of the shinobi’s belief system (being as heartless as Zabuza = being strong = becoming a hero = becoming Hokage).

In chapter 33, we are able to see Zabuza and Haku’s funeral, which introduces the idea of Naruto growing up to question the current system: Here and here. We are shown the mentality of “shinobis are tools” being disputed by the main trio -Kakashi, their sensei, admits that the value put on ninjas’ lives by the present mindset makes him uncomfortable, yet, he does nothing about it. We are to believe that this new generation of shinobi (with Naruto at the front) will finally question and take action against that belief; however, we are also shown how shinobi who go against the system are considered rogue (Zabuza), so Naruto will have to either reach power in order to change things (fight from within -with all the issues it brings) or fight against the system from the outside, meaning, becoming a missing-nin.

However, by the end of the Wave Arc, Naruto is starting to build up a reputation (the main goal he was introduced with, which makes all the debate presented before absolutely irrelevant for he changed nothing of his views and got the reward he expected), the bridge is named after him (because I guess he inspired Inari who was in charge to name the bridge, instead of naming it after Tazuna, who built it, or Kaiza, to give him a “post-mortem recognition”). The emotional connection between Naruto and Inari was made after Naruto saved him, yet it can’t be said that it isn’t significant. Kakashi convinced Inari to “like” Naruto (directly), and Haku convinced Naruto to “like” Inari (indirectly) -their relationship was made by other people. 

Chünin Exams

When already inside the Chünin Exams’ arc, more specifically, chapter 39, we have an interesting occurrence: Naruto, having put on the over-confident mask he often displays to portray a confidence he doesn’t exactly feels, yells that no one will beat him. Now, that in itself isn’t truly remarkable, yet the Otogakure’s team takes it as an insult to their village. It’s intriguing to think why they take what seems to be an innocent statement with such a negative value because of the village Naruto represents (his Hitai Ate is on his forehead, where everyone can see). 

This interpretation, however, is introducing something of a bigger scale: The resentment of smaller villages towards bigger ones like Konoha -we have yet to know their reasoning, but since we already know Konoha is one (if not the) strongest village, the wording in which the Otogakure’s team presents the conflict is to be noted. Naruto never mentioned the places of precedence of those in the room -he even included the shinobi from his own village (when facing the room, he’s also looking at Lee, Neji, and Tenten) yet the Oto team takes it personally because they can see his headband: they know things that the reader has yet to learn, therefore, Naruto seemingly innocent statement automatically translates onto Konoha shinobi insulting other villages’ capacities.

[It’s also to be noted that Otogakure is ruled by Orochimaru, who deserted Konoha and wasn’t really a fan of his former village, their distaste for Konoha as a village and Naruto as a shinobi might have to do with their commander’s personal feelings if they know about Orochimaru’s past]. 

By the end of the first exam (chapter 43) - Ibiki asks the tenth question, Naruto jumps before Sakura can raise her hand and forfeit (she did so because she didn’t want Naruto to fail and be stuck forever as a Gënin should he answer incorrectly) while yelling that he won’t quit and he’ll become Hokage even if they doom him to be Gënin forever (Kishimoto actually made this to be true: he stayed as a gënin until the very end of the manga). His character is particularly marked by his necessity to go against those who underestimate him, to the point where he sets all of his interactions under that premise until proven wrong; that is, he usually assumes people are belittling him even if they aren’t particularly doing so. 

In Chapter 48, after being attacked by Orochimaru disguised as a Grass ninja, Sasuke decides that the best course of action in order to survive is giving him the Heaven Scroll they have so he would leave. Up until then, Orochimaru has overpowered both him and Sakura yet, Naruto intercepts the exchange and punches Sasuke, calling him a “fake”, because the real Sasuke isn’t a coward. Now, Naruto knows nothing of what both Sasuke and Sakura experienced, so perhaps he truly believes that it isn’t a fight harsh enough for them not to overcome (they have fought against Haku and Zabuza and they won); but what interests me is the weight and value that Naruto seems to put over the notion of “brave” and its counterpart “coward” since he’s done the exact same judgment when in Wave (to Inari), and it was an assessment made towards him by both Sasuke and Kakashi. 

Kishimoto even acknowledges this parallelism through this panel: here. Even the next chapter (49), it’s titled “Coward” [After Orochimaru attacks Naruto, Sakura helps him and yells at Sasuke (who has been frozen since Naruto saved him) - at her intervention, he immediately remembers Itachi’s words which are a direct reflection of Naruto’s words to Sasuke].

Up to this point, for Naruto, a Hero is someone strong enough to help others (I assume since he spoke with Haku that Naruto understood the “fighting for what/who you love” phrase, even if that is incredibly manipulated and he subscribed to the Will of Fire, where the love he possesses for Iruka and his friends translates into him caring for Konoha as a symbol), someone who is acknowledged by others because of their sacrifices/capacities and, now,someone brave enough to jump into dangerous situations.

After the end of the Second Stage of the Chünin Exams, we have a thought-provoking interaction between Iruka and Naruto. There, Iruka advises the tree cell team not to overexert themselves during the next round, to which Naruto replies with -basically, “since I’ve got the Hitai-ate (that you gave me), I stopped being a kid and became a full-fledged shinobi” (x and x). I have pointed this out in some other posts but there’s no harm to reiterate: the pass from childhood to adult -unlike in the civilian society that follows different rules, is marked by the bestowal of the headband. That is, adulthood has little to do with age and more to do with rank. With that mentality, Naruto’s behavior towards Inari is slightly more understandable, since his age is not an excuse to behave like a “child”. Yet, again, where Naruto (and Kakashi) fails is in understanding that Inari is not governed by the same principles that he is.

In the introduction of the preliminary rounds, we have Hiruzen’s speech about the exams and their true goal, I won’t put here everything that they encompass but I will mention the so-called friendship Hiruzen preached about and what will ultimately become Naruto’s own conception of the term: The “friendship” that Hiruzen often speaks about (and many fans still take in the strict term of the word), is more about preserving the balance in between the villages at the risk of people’s lives. That’s the type of friendship that Naruto will end up defending -to keep the balance between the greater villages, massacres, discrimination, and even wars (and war-like scenarios, such as the Chünin Exams), are permitted, because balance equals friendship.

The Hero (The Hokage) keeps the balance. If they feel Konoha is losing power, they’ll start a war, if they sense a small village or a petit organization jeopardizes the position of the Big Five, they obliterate them -I wish more people would read that specific panel: the system isn’t supposed to be good nor fair to everyone, the parameters to be “good” or “evil” are completely different from our own, we are speaking of military, corrupt and powerful states that thrive on wars, they -by our own standards- could never be “good” even at its most basic level. Allow me to copy-paste a response a gave about Jiraiya’s character to illustrate this point:

“We can’t separate his characterization from the universe he was created for (which is not to say we can’t judge him based on our own standards, but calling him a hypocrite would only be factual if he counters his own definition of peace, which he doesn’t).

Who is he killing? People that aren’t from Konoha nor loyal to it, which instantly justifies his actions. Why is he killing? Because it will benefit his village in the short and/or long term (...) The problem in itself isn’t Jiraiya not aligning with our views -he doesn’t have to (furthermore, the narrative doesn’t have to either, which is the apparatus that validates him inside the story, specifically), is the fandom that puts him as a paragon of morality -using him to put other character views/behaviors down, (...) How come Jiraiya is singled out as ‘the’ hypocrite when the system he defends and on which he based his entire views is nothing but hypocritical? You can’t take any other Will of Fire believer/Shinobi system supporter and spare them from the same criticism. If the system he aligns with is nothing but paradoxical (state-sanctioned genocide to “maintain peace” -rather, keep specific people in power- is only one of the most notorious actions perceived narratively as necessary), he has no other choice but to become paradoxical as well -otherwise, he’ll become a traitor.” (x)

However, in chapter 94, we have this interesting piece of interaction, where Hiruzen tells the future generation of shinobi that they are free to live and die as they please (we readers are aware that this, given Konoha’s parameters of both freedom and death, is not necessarily true), but they need to protect those who “are precious to them” (Kaiza’s notion of a hero), alongside this Hiruzen, as the Hokage, claims that he’ll protect everyone in the village -because all of them are equally precious to him. This particular method of emotional manipulation is applied to the young minds of future soldiers, and the truth about the real implication of what is asked of them to do would not come to them until much later -either on their first mission or during their Chünin Exams. 

I’ll repeat: There’s a reason why Hiruzen doesn’t allow the façade of Konoha’s practices to fall until the very last stage of the exams, because Konoha’s educational system (particularly), holds itself by ingraining the idea that Konoha as a symbol equalizes to everyone composing it. In trivial terms: If you ask a young child what they rather save, Konoha or their parents -they’ll probably save the person precious to them rather than a piece of land; however, if you convince the kid that Konoha is a symbol far greater than any person because it’s a place where their parents’ presence (or legacy) will still linger even after their deaths (“sacrifices”), then the decision isn’t as easy as it was before. Tsunade doubting about whether to help Orochimaru or not under the promise of seeing Dan and Nawaki again just reiterates the idea of tying Konoha (the symbol) to those dearest to her. Nawaki and Dan are, at this point, either at the same level or higher than the village itself -it’s after, with Naruto and Jiraiya’s intervention (offering of the Hokage’s title and, later on, threatening her), that the village becomes a symbol for both of them and she finally internalizes her master’s teachings. Even Dan states that he loves the village and all of his friends that live there, which is why he wants to defend it, further proving the idea previously mentioned. Furthermore, When Tsunade saves Naruto from Orochimaru’s attack -he asks her “why go to such lengths to save a Gënin,” to which she replies “I’m doing this to protect the village of Konohagakure”; there’re things to point out about this that intertwine this line with my previous point.

Naruto is the Jinchuriki of the nine tails, if he dies Konoha loses possession of Kurama.

Naruto’s dream is to become Hokage, and the remembrance of Dan and Nawaki allows Tsunade to make a connection between Naruto’s dream and theirs. She also might be referencing Naruto becoming Hokage as a way to save Konoha in the future.

Naruto is the representation of Konoha and its people. 

For Naruto, the title of Hokage is so important that he deems it unfathomable that someone would reject it -as Tsunade did the first time it was offered to her. It’s not only about his lack of knowledge about what the title entails and the responsibilities that come with it (something that isn't propagandistically mentioned, as the only thing highlighted about the position is the physical power the wielder needs to have in order to earn it. Realistically speaking, we know the title isn’t just about power -as Tsunade isn’t the strongest of the three Sannin, yet she’s the most valuable as the last Senju descendant), but also about the acknowledgment position she’s declining. Naruto has glorified the idea of Hokage (hero) to such a degree that questioning the position (or whoever has obtained it) seems incomprehensible, and when Tsunade does question it -he reacts violently. She’s questioning the very thing he wants to be, that’s why he reacts so fiercely against her when she both declines the position and questions its relevance and this is exactly why he’s set to never dispute the notion that was ingrained into him -Naruto questioning the system that killed thousands through the years is being practically buried here.

Regarding Naruto’s characterization, antagonizing the "prodigy" notion is incredibly important to him, not because he (truly) denies the strength of those who are given the title, but because their existence denies him of the acknowledgment he seeks, as all his accomplishments are "overshadowed" by Neji and Sasuke's sole presence. Therefore being recognized (positively so) by their ninja skills (as such is the political and cultural importance of such aspects inside the Shinobi system) is, to him, the most important category when pointing out a person’s value. 

To Naruto (and a big portion of the fandom) Neji is not considered a failure (unlike himself, Hinata, or Lee) therefore he somehow has an easier life despite being, in every other manner, oppressed by his family. This is a mindset Konoha in itself teaches to its citizens as this dogma’s value rests on the fact that it guarantees the success and preservation of the status quo established. Therefore, for Will of Fire supporters,  Sasuke couldn’t be discriminated against because he was praised for his techniques/was popular, Neji might be a slave but he’s incredibly valuable to Konoha due to his strength, so there is some sort of “retribution”. 

The problem with this mindset is that it diminishes valid criticisms as it downgrades minorities' arguments by pointing out the person's "worth" inside the overall structure: They're valuable for Konoha's militia as their power benefits them militarily, therefore this recognition discredits any other way they are politically, culturally or economically oppressed.

This nationalistic mindset, vastly sustained in the "greater good" rhetoric, also tries to diminish the relevance of ethnicity identification inside the Narutoverse. Let me explain it further: Being part of a clan isn't -or shouldn't be by Konoha's standards- as important as being a Konoha citizen. People inside the village should consider themselves Konoha citizens first and part of a clan second, so if the greater good (meaning, Konoha's survival or superiority) entails clans' oppression or the tolerance of slavery practices, not only these practices are narratively perceived as necessary but also are to be accepted by those affected by them because they have to see the bigger picture.

This rhetoric isn't as challenging for those in power: some fans claim that all shinobi are forced to forfeit/diminish their identity as clan members to be Konoha's shinobi first, yet it translates differently in practice. It's easier for those who benefited from the system to consider themselves part of their nation before their clan because their ethnicity isn't perceived or treated differently.

If we roughly translate it to real-life dogmas, it'll be as if a (mostly white populated) nation asked their citizens to "forfeit" their ethnic identity (and I'm comparing the Uchiha and Hyuga with real-life ethnic groups as biological differences inside the Narutoverse are marked by the presence or absence of Kekkei Genkai, as Haku introduces) in order to use their nation as an identifier. The white population of such space won't see nor understand the issue with such a request because their whiteness has never been used as a reason to diminish their relevance or capacities inside the spheres of power; furthermore, their nation's bureaucracy was built around their whiteness whilst POCs political value/capacities are constantly challenged. One (or few) instances of POC individuals being praised by those in power for meeting (or surpassing) the established standards isn't the same as them being treated as equals to their white counterparts.

In this “prodigy vs. hard worker” theme, we have two dogmas introduced in the manga: “A ninja is one who endures” (x) of Jiraiya, vs. “A ninja is one who wields Ninjutsu” of Orochimaru -this is an interesting dichotomy, as none of them contradicts the other, it’s also incredibly accurate to represent both Sasuke and Naruto as a ninja. Sasuke -up until the last chapter, is far superior to Naruto when it comes to Ninjutsu, but Naruto is incredibly tough and continuously increases his power/strength out of sheer stubbornness. Both of them have natural resources to move around the dogma they represent (Sasuke, the Sharingan; Naruto, Kurama), so they’re well-matched in that regard. 

The Naruto fandom seems to think that Naruto lacking a vast repertoire of Jutsus is the way Kishimoto uses to undermine the main character, completely missing the point of his characterization. Naruto isn’t supposed to be flashy nor interesting, he’s supposed to stand against the norm (a.k.a the literal definition of a ninja, which is Orochimaru’s, hence, Sasuke’s), which is why he has mostly two Jutsus during the whole manga. This, again, doesn’t contradict Sasuke’s characterization, as being able to wield Ninjutsu isn’t opposed to being able to endure -and considering Sasuke’s arc and how he, until the very last moment, refused to give up on his journey, only shows how he grew up to fulfill both visions. The narrative tries to show us how Sasuke's path is wicked, which is why his decision to continue is painted in a negative light.  

Sasuke Retrieval Arc

Once Sasuke leaves Konoha, he’s “followed” by Shikamaru and his newly formed squad (you can see an analysis about sexism here), and in chapter 202, we find this phrase uttered by the leader: “I should place more value on the lives of my teammates instead of the person abducted by the enemy (...) besides abandoning a teammate to protect yourself? There’s no one in my squad like that.” (x, x). However, Shikamaru is lying, both to himself and Tayuya. Sasuke wasn’t abducted, he left of his own volition (x). Shikamaru isn’t risking his life to save a kidnapped comrade, he’s risking his life so Orochimaru wouldn’t have the last Uchiha descendent by his side, which is proved by the way Tsunade references Sasuke’s deflection and Orochimaru’s “attempt to have the power of the Uchiha” (here); he’s protecting more Konoha’s possession of the last Sharingan user than Sasuke himself. 

Sure, he does have a sense of duty since Sasuke is a comrade, and it wouldn’t be weird for them to think that Sasuke was forced into accepting Orochimaru’s help as Tsunade is incapable of replying to Shikamaru’s question (she isn’t even sure of the answer as nor Kakashi or Jiraiya spoke to her about their suspicions); yet what interests us here is the weight that surrounds the use of the word “save” as it’s likely more for the children’s benefit to put them under a “savior” mindset in order to build their sense of duty and the imperative necessity of bringing Sasuke back; as it’s also likely that they gave sense to Sasuke’s escape by attributing it to kidnapping since they cannot conceive one of them deflecting. Here, the savior complex shifts, as we learn that it isn’t an individualistic ethos that it’s solely linked to Naruto’s character due to his background (it’s simply far more visible in his case), but it’s a learned mindset (un)consciously taught to ensure loyalty and obedience (“I’m not the bad guy, I’m saving you”; “this if for your own good!”; etc); it’s not really different to how real-life soldiers are told to perceive themselves.

“Does Konoha mean nothing to you?!” (x) Peak perfection in the sense of the nationalistic mindset Naruto has been constructing during the whole first portion of the manga, here, Naruto’s sparkles of revolutionary interests are crushed –and I mean, they were never bright to begin with. He never questioned Konoha’s relevance but rather Konoha’s structure when it presented challenges or negative preconceptions of his nature as Jinchuuriki that he needed to overcome or modify, as they did in Wave where he refused to become “just” a tool like Haku was (x), since a tool doesn’t need nor deserves recognition, which he craves. Here, the nationalistic mindset of Kakashi gets reflected upon the student, as Naruto internalized the Will of Fire and exposes it (and rather clearly) here: 

Naruto is contemplating Sasuke abandoning him and Team 7, which is the primary fuel in this quest and the reason behind his pain, he mentions the team that Shikamaru gathered (per Tsunade’s orders) to bring him back as these are individuals that put their life on the line to “rescue” Sasuke, yet Sasuke cares not. Naruto’s words are not a coincidence, he never states that the people searching for him are Sasuke’s friends (they aren’t, they never interacted in any significant way), the only thing they have in common is their village of origin and loyalty. For Naruto, that’s enough for a bond, for Sasuke it isn’t.

Sasuke himself put no one in danger, as he fought nor hurt anyone, it was Tsunade who sent inexperienced gënin to search Sasuke in order not to give Orochimaru the “Uchiha’s power”, Sasuke deflecting put no one in any immediate danger as he was, at most, to be killed and possessed by Orochimaru (which, alright, can be argued his body might have been used to destroy Konoha later on –despite Orochimaru being quite capable of doing so prior to having Sasuke’s body as well, so him having or not Sasuke isn’t detrimental for a possible retaliation from the Sannin) which, as he states, isn’t important (x)

I do believe that this specific claim: “You think I’m just gonna let you go?!” which is the culmination of Naruto’s speech about how Orochimaru will grant him power in exchange for his life (x) is understandable as Naruto is both hurt by Sasuke abandoning them and scared for his friend’s life (Sasuke is even leaving despite being aware that he’ll be likely killed, which is quite worse as not only Naruto feels pain as a result of his only friend escaping, but also him leaving to certain death). Naruto’s primary knowledge about Sasuke’s goal (killing Itachi) is that he’s willing to die for it (x) that, in regards to Naruto’s own goal, it’s unfathomable –as death is not one of the lengths Naruto is prepared for in order to get the acknowledgment he seeks. Furthermore, Sasuke’s death will automatically jeopardize his own objective, as Sasuke’s recognition is the one Naruto craves the most (here and here Naruto remembers Sasuke denying Naruto the equal status he wants, and Sasuke once again refuses: “who cares what you want?”). 

“You were my Idol, and so… hearing that… I was never happier, with those words, for the first time… you acknowledged I was good.” (x) Can’t make it clearer here Sasuke’s relevance on Naruto’s life and the importance of him staying, of him acknowledging Naruto.

This is not specifically about Naruto, but it’s interesting for this post. Look at this interaction in between Shikaku and his son, Shikamaru: 1, 2, 3. Here, Shikaku was questioning Shikamaru’s claim that he was not fit to be a shinobi (x), as (he states) all he can do is use this experience in order to improve. This whole conversation happens while both Chöji and Neji are in surgery, by the way, so not only is Shikamaru upset about the mission in itself, but he’s also concerned about his best friend’s and comrade’s lives. He’s putting himself as the only one responsible for the failing of a mission that was way over their skill level to begin with (this is Tsunade’ responsibility, not Shikamaru’s) x, and such notion is not questioned by anyone in that hallway (not by his father, Temari, or the Hokage); furthermore, Shikaku makes a point to drag his child through the (metaphorical) mud in order to “tough him up” for the next mission. This rough treatment wouldn’t have happened if Shikamaru had not questioned his future as a ninja, Shikaku is making sure Shikamaru doesn’t quit as a shinobi, emotionally manipulating the boy to convince him that “missions will continue to happen with or without you, so why resign anyway?” Couldn’t the same be said in the opposite direction? If he’s not detrimental to the structure’s function why does he have to stay? Because it sets a bad precedent: one person resigning does desestabilizes the structure, as then that practice becomes normalized which puts the entire shinobi structure in jeopardy as no one is willing to sacrifice themselves for Konoha, so Shikakau needs to stop this mindset in order to guarantee a faithful soldier. The excuse is “if missions are happening anyway, why not make sure they all come back alive? Be their leader and guarantee their safety!” Yet not only was this said before Tsunade and Shizune communicated the health status of Shikamaru’s colleagues (so Shikaku wasn’t aware if they were even alive), but also, it changes nothing, as Shikamaru’s doubt not only is about his own insecurities as a leader, but also about his reluctance to be under this kind of mental and emotional pressure and responsibility, which will continue to happen until either he gains enough experience or resigns. Furthermore, having experience doesn’t even guarantee such doubts going away, as they might still be present but controlled enough because of Shikamaru’s constant exposure to them. This specific conversation is Konoha’s teachings in a nutshell, emotional manipulation and rough treatment while a child is on the verge of a mental breakdown and all.

There is no closure suitable for this analysis because it would imply an end to this theme that is not given by the simple fact that the manga continues on Naruto Shippuden. However, I don't remember any intrinsic changes in the main character's thinking for the rest of the story, but it would be far-fetched to affirm it without doing the pertinent analysis.

[mermaidchansons]

Warm Colors: Chapter 6

SugarDaddy!M’Baku x Oshun(reader)

Summary: M’Baku has a future-determining meeting whilst Oshun reveals secrets to a friend.

Words: 2800+

Warnings: None

A/N: YERRRRRRRRR! Hi, lol thanks for reading!

Translations: irhamncwa (monster), inkosikazi (wife), umntakwethu (brother)

Playlist

Chapter 6: 

Jabariland

A familiar icy wind brushed against M’Baku’s arms as he trekked to his throne room for a meeting with the Jabari council; Lady Ifechi and Akunna; heads of two of the Jabari’s eldest families. This meeting was one that had weighed heavy on his mind. When he first met you, he never had any intentions to let it draw out this far; to allow your courtship to gain meaning. Yet, as time wore on, he found that when he left you behind in the Americas, he had left a piece of himself with you. To feel as if something was missing in his homeland was a foreign notion. He chided himself at the idea of it, a sense of betrayal to his people creeping up his back. But there was no shaking this warmth that you had stirred within him. You had done what countless women had failed to achieve in the past. Capturing the Great Gorilla’s heart and mind was a feat that you accomplished gracefully. Now, he had to approach the council with this fact. 

Hanging birch logs illuminated by lights greeted M’Baku as he entered the throne room. Jabari warriors nodded their heads toward him as he passed. He sunk down into his masterfully crafted throne and assumed his usual widened position. M’Bele, one of his most trusted friends, soon took his place beside him as the council funneled into the room. 

“Thank you all for meeting on such short notice. I have made a decision regarding Ochuko’s treason and treachery. Banishment seems a worthy punishment,” M’Baku declared.

“You would let this irhamncwa live after he injured one of our people and attempted to kill many others in your absence?” Lady Ifechi had been beside herself ever since M’Baku formed an alliance with King T’Challa. She didn’t approve of the time he spent away from Jabariland as an ambassador for a king who only ‘welcomed the Jabari in when they needed our help’ she’d said. 

“I will not send him to the ancestors before his time. It is their decision when he has served his purpose on this plane. Akunna?”

“Though trying as it might have been to witness a betrayal on our own land,” Akunna uttered, shutting his eyes at the thought of what could have been. “Taking a Jabari life would not sit well with our people.” 

“So it is settled. Ochuko will live the remainder of his days past the borderlands of Wakanda. I have already spoken with the Border tribe leader and he will put him to work. In my future absences, M’Bele will step in as second in command,” M’Baku noted. 

Ifechi nodded in agreement knowing that she was outnumbered. When it came to the safety of his people, it was hard for anyone to speak against him. Though he was revered as their leader and chief, the council would always contribute to the finality of each decision; which only made him all the more apprehensive. Puffing out his chest, M’Baku gathered himself in preparation.

“Before we end, I have a proposition of sorts. I have spent too long guiding our people with no one by my side. I would like to take on an inkosikazi.” 

“Lord M’Baku, what a wonderful sentiment. Our people need a chieftess and now is the perfect time to do it. To produce heirs to lead the Jabari. Glory to Hanuman.” Lady Ifechi waxed poetically, as she had been waiting for him to bring this up for quite some time. Though never to his face, she never failed to ‘mention’ M’Baku’s need for a wife and that he wasn’t getting any younger.

“Glory to Hanuman,” the room erupted.

“One of our fisherman’s daughters, Imani, is of age. She would make a great chieftess,” Akunna informed the council. 

“I’m sure Imani is beautiful but I’ve already found someone. While I’ve been away, I have been courting a black American woman and I wish to take her as my wife.” 

M’Baku watched as the smiles dropped around him. His brows furrowed as he watched Ifechi and Akunna's faces contort with disapproval. 

“I’m sorry but I must vote against this request. Black Americans have brought no good to this country. Look what happened when they let a child without a tribe sit on the throne in the Golden City,” Lady Ifechi reproached. 

“Council, if I may, Lord M’Baku has given so much to us as a people. He has always had our best interest at hand. He has led us in battle and in life. M’Baku sacrificed his pride so that he could provide for our people. I beg’o, when will enough be enough? How much more will you have him sacrifice?” 

M’Bele’s query to the council was met with silence. Rarely did he talk out of turn but he knew what needed to be said at this moment. M’Baku quietly thanked him for his words and returned his attention to his council. Tightening his fingers around his staff, he watched Ifechi and Akunna gather their answers. 

“We cannot allow it. We must learn from the Golden Tribe’s mistakes. The border tribe has still yet to recover their forces. The general’s own husband taking up a sword against her over a black American with no past and no future. Is this what you wish for our people?” Akunna’s question echoed in the room and M’Baku sat defeated. How could the council ask him to choose between his heart and his people? He simply grunted in response and the council took it as his answer. They knew what kind of leader he was. His people would always come first, even if it meant sacrificing his happiness. 

“It is resolved. If you want a good wife and a chieftess for our people, we will find one here. One of our own,” Lady Ifechi says before leaving the throne room, with Akunna in tow. 

Disappointment swelled in M’Baku’s chest. This answer was the one he expected but not the one he hoped for. The Jabari had come so far in their joining of the other tribes. He himself sat on the elder council in The Golden City and provided efforts to ensure the future of all the tribes represented there. And yet it was not enough for some Jabari. Just as he had refused the need for technological advancements in the past, some of his people hesitated in walking into this new future of acceptance. His council included. 

M’Baku rose from his throne and rolled his shoulders back, trying to elude the building grief within him. He turned to face M’Bele and placed his hand on the warrior’s armored shoulder. 

“I will be gone for a week, please ensure that no mischief arises. Though you are in command, try not to imbibe on the job,” he joked half-heartedly. M’Bele chuckled but saw through his friend’s need to lighten the unfortunate situation. 

“My comfort for you, umntakwethu. I know you care for this woman deeply.” M’Bele bowed his head in shared sadness and M’Baku patted his shoulder once more.

“Unfortunately, it is much more than that. I thank you for your words of comfort, my friend. I must go prepare for my trip.” 

The Ritz Carlton, Los Angeles

Megan was rolling pieces of prosciutto for the charcuterie board while you and her chatted. You groaned, standing on your toes to grab three wine glasses from the cabinet. You, Megan, and Shellee had planned a girls' night to catch up but Shellee was late as usual. Being an entrepreneur with singular control over 3 luxury nail salon locations couldn’t be easy and you knew that. But you couldn’t ignore that it was taking a toll on your friendship with her. Check-ins were sparse even during your two-month ‘break’ from sugaring. And in the times that she did call, she was hard to talk to. She was overly critical about your choices in life and was iffy at best when it came to pursuing art. Your situation had afforded you all this freedom and Shelle was always busy. You simply chalked it up to being a product of adulthood and tried not to dwell on it too much. 

“So when’s M’Baku coming back? Is everything alright between y’all?” 

“Things are good. We revised our contract. He’s coming back tomorrow night and then we’re leaving for a week,” you answered, walking over to the living room and placing the glasses next to a bottle of Veuve Clicquot. 

“Not you getting flewed out right after punishment sex. Where’s sugar daddy taking you this time?”

You smiled as the butterflies in your tummy stirred at the thought of going away with M’Baku again. It had been a while and you couldn’t wait to make up for the lost time. Megan watched as you melted and you both erupted in giggles. 

“I’m not really sure, Meg,” you beamed, placing a few pillows on the floor, “when we first made our little agreement, he asked me to make a list of places I wanted to visit. He just chooses from there.” 

“That’s cute as hell. He must really like you, O.” Shrugging your shoulders, you helped her bring the food over to the coffee table. 

“I don’t know about alladat. He’s just fulfilling his end of the deal.” 

“Oh please,” Megan dismissed your minimization. “It’s giving Pretty Woman.” 

A knock at the door interrupted you and Megan’s gushing session. Standing, you pulled your pajama shirt down and sighed. 

“Okay, don’t mention you know who when she comes in. You already know what she be on,” you warned before heading to open the door. 

2 Hours and a Few Drinks Later

Shellee had brought a few pre-rolls to relax with you and Meg and it didn’t take long for the stress of the day to escape her. All three of you ate, laughed, and drank. And for a moment, through the haze of smoke and champagne bubbles, it felt like old times. 

You leaned your back against the newly clean couch and gave into the heaviness of your eyelids. Flashbacks of why the sofa needed to be cleaned came with each blink. His hands squeezing and kneading your hips and thighs; the gushing noises your body made every time he stroked in and out of you; his deep, rough voice singing your praises in your ear. Both your mind and your body ached for him. Getting lost in your thoughts was far too easy when it came to him.

“It’s so nice to finally be with y’all. This place is gorgeous, Oshun,” Shellee complimented, raising her glass to you. Her compliment drove you back to the present and you clasped your legs together in an attempt to distinguish the fire M’Baku continued to set even in his absence.

“It really is gorgeous, which is why I’ve been meaning to ask; can I use your loft while you’re gone?” Both you and Shellee looked at Megan in confusion. 

“Meg, you have a whole ass apartment and a man,” you chuckled, “why you wanna stay here?”

“Wait, you’re leaving somewhere, O?” 

“Her man is taking her on a trip, she won’t know where till tomorrow,” Megan spilled before taking another puff of the indica pre-roll. You hit her stomach and Megan coughed wildly, realizing what she had just said.  

“You have a whole boyfriend, and you didn’t tell me,” Shellee questioned. Both you and Megan looked at each other and back at Shellee. 

“Not exactly. It’s more of a situationship.” 

“A situationship and he’s flying you out places? Nah, be fucking foreal. You got this new loft, and new clothes, you handed me silk pajamas when I walked in. What is going on, O?” You sat with Shellee’s inquiry for a moment to gather your thoughts and took a long drag from your blunt. If she really wanted to know, you’d tell her.

“You remember when Meg and I went to DC like 5 months ago? I met someone that weekend and we hit it off. But he doesn’t have the freedom to have a normal relationship so we made a sugaring contract that works for both of us and-,” you were cut off by the sound of Shellee chuckling. Your face dropped and you rolled your eyes at her. 

“Why are you laughing, Shellee? You asked her to tell you,” Megan said, coming to your defense. 

“I’m sorry, I just... I thought you were smarter than this, O?”

“Smarter than what? You always so damn judgemental,” you scoffed.

“Oshun, what do you know about this man, really? What does he do for work? Where does he live full-time? Who is he around when you’re not with him?” You leaned back into your pillows, looking down into your glass. You couldn’t answer any of her questions. 

“You don’t even know anything about him. You can’t honestly think that this is going to last. I hope you’re at least saving whatever allowance he’s giving you. Maybe then you can actually do something with your life instead of scribbling and being some man’s pet.” Her words shot through you and blinked wildly at her. 

“Oh, so I’m a pet now? This is exactly why I don’t be telling you shit. Excuse me if I don’t have my master's in business or manage multiple locations. Not everyone wants to live your #girlboss life, damn,” you shut your eyes and took a deep breath, trying your best to keep calm. 

“And what, being easily expendable is better? This can’t be all that you really want, O. What do YOU want?” 

“I want him! I want to paint and fuck and be happy with him and be able to breathe in this claustrophobic, capitalistic, bullshit-ass country. Is that so bad,” you yelled back, tears threatening to roll down your cheeks. Shellee immediately regretted her words as soon as she saw you cry. She knew she could be harsh but seeing you visibly hurt was eye-opening. 

“Shells, let’s just table it for now,” Megan muttered while rubbing your shoulders and telling you to take a couple of deep breaths. 

All the previous comfort had been sucked out of the room like a vacuum. What started out as a relaxing girls' night quickly went left and Shellee knew she had caused this. It wouldn’t be the first time her words had brought down the vibe. You thought you’d be used to it by now. But seeing your position with M’Baku through Shellee’s perspective took her over the edge. It was too much for you to bear. 

“Listen, I just want more for her. I’ve sugared in the past, I know how this ends. He got me through undergrad and right as I began to fall in love with him, I found out he had a whole wife and kids. He supported me for 3 and a half years and fell for him like a fool. Not realizing I was just the hired help,” Shellee sighed. She tucked a loose loc behind her ear and wiped a sole tear from her cheek. 

“I know I can’t stop you from making your own decisions. And I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have come at you like that. But just be careful. Try not to fall in love just because he’s showering you with lofts and trips. He could take it away at any time.” 

“Too late,” you chimed. 

“M’Baku wouldn’t do that, Shells. I’ve seen the way he looks at O. It’s not just a contract like they say it is. Even if it took til now for Oshun to admit it.” Megan had pointed out your lackluster confession and you groaned in despair. 

“So everybody knows about this M’Baku except for me? The fuck is-” You and Megan’s pointed glares made her stop talking and she put her hands up in defeat. Shellee would just have to meet M’Baku at a later date. She grabbed your free hand and rubbed her thumb across your knuckles. 

“I love you, O. And if this is what you want, I’ll support you. Regardless of the outcome, I’ll be here,” Shellee said before placing a kiss on your cheek. You silently thanked her and leaned into your two friend’s embrace. 

“So can I show Shellee the painting that you did of M’Baku? He really is fine as hell, you gotta let me show her.” Megan’s request disrupted your group hug and shook your head in disapproval, chuckling.

“Oh my god, Meg. Be serious for once!”

“Nah, if he’s as fine as she says he is, I’ma need to see. To the painting!” Shellee and Megan ‘wooed’ as they left your embrace to go to your painting room. You shook your head and laughed at your friends’ antics. A chime drew your attention to the phone sitting in your lap. Unlocking your phone, you saw a new text from M’Baku.

I cannot wait to see you tomorrow. Time away from you is never easy - M

I can’t wait to see you either. - O

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[itberice]

One of the biggest complaints about The Mandalorian Season 3 was that it was messy.

I disagree with that notion, and I'm hoping people are willing to give it another watch now that they have the full story. It is only because of Din's journey to redeem himself that Bo-Katan does too. It's only because of Bo-Katan joining Din's covert that they start to work as a team. It's only because of this unity and the Mythosaur that The Armorer can see something larger happening. It's only because of this that Bo-Katan and Din work to reunite the two sects of Mandalorians. It's only because Din and Bo-Katan that they all work together to take back Mandalore from Gideon. And it's because they destroy Gideon, and the Mandalorians succeed, that Din and Grogu can have some peace before moving towards the future.

Here is a further, more detailed explanation of why I disagree that the story was messy:

Chapter 17: The Apostate: Definitely an episode that was setting up the rest of the season. A lot of plot was carried over from season 2 and TBOBF. Also a lot of plot was introduced for the rest of the season. Din's plan to go to the Living Water, attempting to rebuild IG-11, the pirates that would later attack Nevarro (under Imperial influence). This episode really focuses on Din's desire to be redeemed and become a Mandalorian once again; both in traveling to the Living Waters, and later going to Bo-Katan and attempting to join her.

Chapter 18: The Mines of Mandalore: This episode is major for the show. Din finds out that Mandalore is still inhabitable (and later allows the Mandalorians to return there). He is able to see Mandalore, even though it's just ruins, and what his people once were. Obviously, both him and Bo-Katan renew their faith and commitment to the Way of the Mandalorians. It's a rebirth for them both, in different ways. This episode is a great base for the relationship between Din and Bo-Katan, which is so important because they are the force that reunites the Mandalorians moving forward. And of course the major reveal: the Mythosaur.

Chapter 19: The Convert: This is the episode that had the biggest backlash, and a lot of it is deserved. They spent WAY too long on the Coruscant plot. I understand what they were trying to accomplish but they did not need to spend so much time on it. However, this episode does play an important part in the overall plot. A lot of this episode illustrates how the Empire has survived after Return of the Jedi. They still have power, people and influence all over. We see it when Din and Bo-Katan get attacked, and we see it with Elia Kane. Also important is that Elia Kane works hard to make sure that Imperial cloning secrets do not fall into the hands of the New Republic. And we know that cloning is important with Gideon in the last episode and, obviously, the sequel trilogy. And while Din may not have a lot of screen time this episode, it is big for him to be accepted back into his covert. Bo-Katan is also welcomed into the covert. A major step for the unification of the Mandalorians.

*Also now that we know Dave Filoni will be directing a movie that ties together The Mandalorian, TBOBF and Ahsoka against Thrawn and the Empire, it makes sense that The Mandalorian spent time building up the conflict. This season definitely had some parallels between how the Mandalorians survived and how the Empire survived. And also how they will both make a come back.*

Chapter 20: The Foundling: This is a big episode for a lot of reasons. First, we see Din try to assimilate Grogu into Mandalorian life now that he has returned to the covert. A big step for Grogu's future. We also see more of Grogu's past (Kelleran Beq!!!) and how he was rescued during Order 66. This is also a major episode because we see the covert start to work together as a team to rescue Ragnar. They work as one unit to achieve their goal. It's an organized effort. Bo-Katan's short time with the covert has already had an affect. This is just step one and leads into the story of the next episode very well. Also major is Bo-Katan telling The Armorer about the Mythosaur. That changes the trajectory of the Mandalorians.

Chapter 21: The Pirate: The covert works together in the last episode and this episode takes another step. It introduces the Carson Teva and Din dynamic that we now know will play a part in season 4. This episode also shows one of the plays of the Empire, backing pirates to attack and cause chaos in the Outer Rim. Din asks for help fighting the pirates and the covert agrees. It's a nice moment that shows the community that they have built. The covert working together in the last episode changed their relationship. Bo-Katan and Din save the day. Their success moves them away from hiding in a cave. It brings them a new home and new hope. The Armorer sees this change among the covert. Din and Bo-Katan have brought new life into this group of Mandalorians. It's a big moment when The Armorer tells Bo-Katan that she will reunite the different groups of Mandalorians, especially since we know that Bo-Katan does not really want to lead anymore.

Chapter 22: Guns for Hire: This is a fun episode. The calm before the heavier story. Grogu gets knighted (as he should), Din hates on some droids, and they make some allies on Plazir-15. And then the end. I know everyone has different opinions on the Darksaber and how that story should have played out but I do think they handled it well. This whole season showed how silly the myth of the Darksaber really is. Some people laughed about the transfer of ownership of the Darksaber in this episode, that the cyborg creature from The Mines of Mandalore was actually the ruler of Mandalore for the short time. That it really should have belonged to this character or this character... And that's the point. Being in possession of one object doesn't mean you are capable of leading people. Bo-Katan had to stop focusing on the Darksaber and start by helping Grogu, saving Din, uniting the covert to help save Ragnar and Nevarro, helping the droids and people of Plazir-15.... it's these moments when she steps away from the Darksaber and works to help people that she becomes worthy of being the leader of the Mandalorians. Din helps her work towards that, even if she doesn't realize. Din knows that she is a worthy leader. But when he sees that others need her to have the Darksaber to do it, he gives her the means to lead. She returns the favor and respect by defending him in front of everyone. It is a nice moment of character development for her. It is also a great moment of validation for Din, which we know he deserves.

Chapter 23: The Spies: Definitely one of the best episodes of The Mandalorian. I could write a whole essay on the Shadow Councils conversation and the characters. That conversation shows how much the Empire is still manipulating the story. It connects together a lot of pieces from earlier episodes. Din's covert and the Mandalorian mercenceries come together AND start to work together. Bo-Katan shows how hard she tried to save the lives of Mandalorians. Din shows how much he respects Bo-Katan; really cementing how important their relationship is to this season and the unification of their people. This also shows that Bo-Katan has always been trying to serve and save her people. That these are her moments of strength and when she's just chasing the Darksaber, it doesn't work right. But when she's focused on the people of Mandalore, it is right. This revelation shows the shift of the Mandalorians too. They realize that Bo-Katan having the Darksaber is not the important thing but that she wants to protect and serve them.

And while we see Bo-Katan's strengths in this episode, we also see Din's strengths. He is an honorable warrior, a fighter. He will do anything to protect his people and Grogu, even let Grogu keep his annoying IG-12 suit because it's protection. He is the first to volunteer for Bo-Katan, he's at the front of the battle after they are attacked, he fights until he can't anymore before his capture. And this leads us to the next episode.

Chapter 24: The Return: Again, we see Din's strength as a warrior and protector in this episode. He fights like crazy to protect Grogu and his people from Gideon. He wants Mandalore for his people, he wants Grogu to have a safe place to grow up. Grogu and Din work together better than ever to fight against the odds. And all the Mandalorians work together to take back their home. It's only because all of the Mandalorians work together that they are able to win. Grogu, Din and Bo-Katan stand against Gideon together. That's really what this season was about, The Mandalorians finding common ground and making a stand together. And they succeeded. The Mandalorians can now rebuild, the flame of their forge is re-lit!

Din adopting Grogu is a beautiful moment that we were all waiting for. But it's another great moment that shows a lot about Din. Din did not officially adopt Grogu until it was needed for Grogu's future. The act is for Grogu, not for himself. He adopted Grogu so that Grogu can have a safe future with the Mandalorians. And the ONLY reason that the Mandalorians are a safe option for Grogu is because of Din's actions!!

I know a lot of people had complaints about the amount of screen time for Din and Grogu and that it seemed like they were side characters on their own show. But this season was an important part of their future! Din and Grogu now have this huge community of friends and allies. They worked hard as a group to build something and it all came together because of them. The only reason the Mandalorians even knew that Mandalore could still sustain life, Bo-Katan's journey of redemption and seeing the Mythosaur, Bo-Katan reuniting the Mandalorians... Din was not only there but the reason it all happened. The show needed this for the future plot of Thrawn and the Empire but also for Din and Grogu. They accomplished something great for their people and now they get to relax before going on to fight Imperial remnants to help Grogu train. A lot of this season was about rebuilding and healing. All of these characters have already gone through horrible things, they deserve some peace and success. They accomplished so much by coming together and helping each other.

This season was not a mess but a natural transition from Din and Grogu on their own to a larger community of Mandalorians. Din and Grogu worked with Bo-Katan all season to help pull together all the pieces. It is a part in their story and a part of the Mandalorians coming back from so much destruction.

[coveredinbees]

Snippet from upcoming Chapter 11, ('Indecent Proposal')

In which Kate and Anthony grow ever closer, and we dive a little more into the backstory of Anthony's trauma.

The wound had been agony, but it was what had happened afterwards that was truly painful.

There had been a whole slew of different surgeons who had tended to him at the time, yet to his fever-driven mind, these men had all started to blur into one.  Time became a nebulous thing, Day and night, night and day; its passage ceased to have all meaning, as he drifted in and out of consciousness.

Anthony had very few clear memories of what had happened during those days. But there was one memory that would be seared into his mind for all eternity.

Looking back on it, he supposed Colin was trying to do him a kindness. His brother had been younger then, and prone to romantic notions; and so, when it seemed increasingly likely that Anthony was going to die, Colin had taken it upon himself to sneak Siena into Bridgerton House in the early hours of the morning. He wanted to give the two of them the opportunity to say goodbye, he had said later.

Things had not quite worked out that way.

For one thing, it had all been so terribly ill-timed. Somehow, Colin and Siena had managed to walk into the room at the exact moment that Anthony’s dressing was being changed, and her resulting scream had been ear-piercing in the way that only a true soprano could have achieved. And though Anthony was thick in the fog of laudanum, he had sluggishly turned his head towards her, and could clearly recall the distress that was written all over her face.

He hated that he had distressed her – sweet Siena, his Dorabella. Anthony had the presence of mind to reach out his hand, to try and offer what little solace he could in his sorry state, yet this only seemed to make her scream louder.

He never saw her again after that. It had hurt, but he could not fault her for that. No woman should have to look upon such a marring of flesh.

What was less understandable was why she had gone back to Carnarvon afterwards.

At the time of her visit, Anthony remembered that the swelling on her face had gone down, and the bruising was starting to yellow. The evidence of what the man had done was fading, and Siena was starting to resemble more of her old self. In fact, if it hadn’t been for the obvious fear and disgust on her face, Anthony would have said that Siena was as pretty as ever.

But a woman needed a protector, as she was so fond of saying. And though Carnarvon was so often in his cups, (and had freely called her a whore to all and sundry), it had been to this monster that she had returned. Carnarvon had given her a choice – flee with him to the continent, or stay behind and face the scandal alongside her dying protector.

 And she had chosen the former.

[valiantvillain]

Free ramble card for any WIP you may be working on! (Even if that WIP has yet to be written down.)

I recently posted the first chapter of a bg3 fic I'm working on called Duty, Diligence, Devotion following my half-orc paladin tav Miraz and what's been very fun to explore with that character has been exploring my own relationship to beauty, self-perception, and self-worth through her and her backstory. She's someone who has essentially been informed by society's attitudes towards her as a half-orc that she is both set up to fail and yet expected to exceed expectations by virtue of trying not to be the "bloodthirsty orc" and her race always being this undercurrent to her achievements. If she is smart or pretty it's always underscored by "for a half-orc" whether outright spoken or implied. She's someone constantly trying to prove that she is worthy, whether it is for respect, trust, or love to the point even if she denies that she has anything to prove. To the point, she doesn't quite know how to exist without the feeling of everyone around her weighing her worth.

I admit that I have also put some of my own experiences regarding love and relationships into Miraz's character, mainly my history with insecurity about my appearance. Granted, I'm not part orc or anything, but growing up I experienced a significant amount of bullying when it came to my looks and even was asked out by boys "as a joke". To this day, even as I am much more confident in my appearance, I still meet compliments from men with very guarded skepticism and distrust. Much like Miraz. And I just pondered on how much worse would that feel for someone like Miraz in the universe of D&D. After all, at various points in bg3 you will meet NPCs who have some nasty things to say about a half-orc tav. Guex is frightened by your face in the grove. The duergar with the rothe calls you a brute. Chef Roveer in the Elfsong Tavern makes what is pretty much the most ignorant remark by suggesting Tav use their "cutters" aka tusks on the rats down in the cellar. How much of that would weigh on your perception of yourself over time? How ugly would that make you feel even as you know those comments are cruel, wrong, and indicative of ignorance? Whether intentional or unintentional, the harm is still done and it still eats at you years down the road. Even if logically you know you are not brutish and monstrous, you have been reminded that this is how the world perceives you due to factors of birth outside of your control. And so those feelings and that trauma manifest as pride, stubbornness, distrust, and cynicism in Miraz when confronted with the grueling game of romance and attraction, genuinely thinking it's a lie or objectification when someone finds her attractive. It's a very interestingly messy thing to explore with a character, even if it is just in the confines of fanfic.

Duty, Diligence, Devotion mostly focuses on the enemies/distrustful allies to lovers romance she develops with Astarion but it is also about her growing more comfortable in her own skin and building a sense of worth separate from her notions of duty and proving herself. That she is worthy of being appreciated, loved, and praised on her own merits.

So I guess this is more a ramble about an OC rather than a fic but hey, she is the main character of one so I guess it counts lol.