#But yeah so to fully clarify. some people identify with 'Non Binary' as their gender. this is valid and real

[dogin8]

Post where I explain what Non Binary means to "It's just the third gender" people by using maths notation

our sets:

B (for Binary)

NB (for Non-Binary)

B = {0,1} which means, the set B is made up of the numbers 1 and 0

now some people think NB = {0.5} or NB = {2} but neither of these are wholly true

NB = {C U R\B} which means, the set NB is made up of every Complex number And every Real number (these two together means basically: every possible value in maths) EXCEPT for numbers in set B

So that means, NB includes EVERYTHING other than 1 and 0. which means 0.5 is included, and 2 is included, but so is 0.9 and 500000 and -π and 12i and e. Non-Binary doesn't refer to one specific gender, it refers to Everything outside of and between the binary which is literally infinite values.

If you wanted to be REAL thorough as well you could say

NB = {C U R/B, (C U R, C U R), (C U R, C U R, C U R), (C U R, C U R, C U R, C U R) (then continue filling brackets with an increasing number of C U R to infinit)}

which means that NB is everything outside the binary AND any pair of two numbers, any group of three numbers, any group of four numbers etc to infinity. This is the best way I could think to display people who identify with multiple genders at once through math notation.

But, my favourite thing about all this is that if you want to be a real math nerd about stuff, you could start just saying "\B" cause that's the most basic form of notation for "Not in set B" "Not in Binary" "Non-binary"

[erigold13261]

How did DJ sub find out they were trans and NB respectively? (I like the idea that one of their students used singular they/them and that led to the egg cracking)

As good as that would have been, Nova transitioned young. I can see them figuring out they were NB sometime in college, but by the time they were a professor they were fully NB and using he/they.

When it came to realizing he was trans at the time, I think he just really liked the idea of being a guy. He probably came out to some people he thought were his friends, and they were supportive of him, but didn't take him seriously when he said not to tell his parents. There was literally no reason for him to fear his parents, but he did as he was worried all the love they had for him would disappear if he wasn't still their little space daughter or whatever they called him.

What ended up happening was one of Nova's "friends" just straight up outing Nova to their parents. I think this "friend" went completely behind their back and told their parents instead of like "accidentally" calling Nova by he/him pronouns. This friend's reasoning was that they were sick of changing pronouns in front of Nova's parents because "obviously" Sarabi and Nuru would have been supportive.

And Nova's parents were supportive, but Nova no longer trusted any of his friends as they all agreed with the one who outed Nova and were telling Nova to stop making this all about him since everything turned out fine in the end. Welp, those people were no longer Nova's friends and he ended up basically alone for the rest of his primary schooling years. Not really opening up until a few college friends wormed their way into his heart.

That is where they found out they were non-binary too. In college. I don't really know how, but I do like the idea that maybe a student started using singular they for Nova. Probably because it's hard to tell the gender of someone with a (now) flat chest and deep voice but wears skirts rarely, all while having an orb for a head with no discernible features.

So yeah, some college classmates probably used they/them for Nova a bit and he really liked that for some reason. I don't think he really found out about the nonbinary label for a few more years, but definitely did think about trying only using they/them pronouns for a very long time.

Whenever they did think they were nonbinary, they went to their parents first before telling anyone else. They thought they would be in for a long talk of either explaining or defending themself as they had no idea how their parents would react to a change to something that wasn't in the binary. To Nova, it was one thing to go from girl to guy or vice versa, but landing in the middle was something entirely different.

Well, it turned out Nuru actually had an old friend who was either nonbinary or had a nonbinary kid. Either way, Nuru was completely on board with Nova being nonbinary, even if he messed up sometimes and didn't completely understand.

Sarabi was also super supportive but had no idea what nonbinary was and asked a lot of questions, which concerned Nova for a bit until he realized she was literally just asking clarifying questions and just being curious. She was probably a little too interested in it as she probably started thinking about identifying as nonbinary too.

I don't think she has yet at all, but she's probably in that space of wondering what it would be like to be nonbinary, or another similar identity. She still identifies as cis and uses she/her pronouns as of now, but Nova and Nuru will sometimes drop in a they/them for Sarabi which makes her really happy though she never asks them to go exclusively they/them ever.

So yeah, that is how Nova found out they were transmasc and then nonbinary! And apparently also how Sarabi figured out they were questioning! :D

[queering-the-binary]

Hey Planty! I am very confused.

I’m afab and have been identifing as non bianary for a couple of months now but I’m pretty confused and was hoping for some advice.

I really like masculine terms and neutral terms feel pretty good too. Fem terms are sometimes fine, sometimes feel like a sweater with an itchy tag. Bothersome but I can handle it. Same goes for pronouns.

I find that I’m often confused by gender and when I think up characters for my writing, they often don’t have a gender and I just slap one on after they’re fully developed, which then feels like it doesn’t fit. This and some other things led me to believe that I may be agender.

However, I also am in love with presenting masc. My hair is short, I wore a suit and loved it, I bind on occasion and just about died when someone called me “sir” last week.

I never thought I was trans because I don’t exactly want to BE male (even though I’m not opposed to the idea of being trans) and saying that I was male never really seemed to fit. Saying that I’m female doesn’t really fit either and same goes for enby.

I’m just perplexed because I like presenting male and using masculine pronouns, but I don’t feel masculine or feminine. I don’t want to be male, but do like being perceived male and agender and presenting agender and masc.

I know I’m probably annoying and you don’t need to answer but do you have any advice?

Hey nonnie! You’re not annoying me at all, and I’m happy to give you some advice!

First things first, I want to clarify one thing- what counts as trans. Being transgender means you do not 100%, 24/7 identify with the gender assigned to you at birth. That means that, in your case, if you’re anything other than 100% a girl all the time, you’re welcome in the trans community!

I want to make sure I’m understanding you right, so I’m going to repeat your main points, and then what I think your question is. If I got something wrong, feel free to send in another ask and correct me!

Currently identifying as non binary

Really like masculine terms and he/him pronouns

Pretty good with neutral terms and I’m assuming they/them pronouns and neo pronouns

Sometimes would rather not, sometimes okay with feminine terms and she/her pronouns

Don’t really understand the concept of gender as it applies to people (I’m assuming this includes yourself, though you were talking about characters)

Don’t want to be a guy, same with being a girl or saying that you’re non binary

Like presenting masculinely, being perceived as masculine, using masculine terms, and he/him pronouns

Like presenting neutrally and being perceived as gender neutral

I’m assuming your question is something along the lines of “Planty, gender is confusing and my relationship to it is confusing! How do I figure out what my gender is? Nothing seems to fit!”

My general advice will always be “do what makes you happiest.” You’re happy presenting masculinely? Go for it! You like he/him pronouns and masculine terms for yourself? Yeah, go you! You like presenting and being perceived as gender neutral? That’s great!

If I’m going more in depth, you seem to have some ingrained ideas that are, in a sense, hindering your gender journey. So let me clear some things up for you that you might not even have realized you were thinking!

Presentation, pronouns, how you want to be seen- none of those have a say in your gender.

Being non binary can be an identity, but it’s also an umbrella term for any gender, or lack of gender, that is not strictly, 100%, all the time girl or boy. I use non binary to label my gender, but there’s tons of labels that fall under that umbrella! Agender is one, and there’s many more.

Non binary isn’t some “third gender”- it’s a category that a lot of genders fall under. It’s just used for ease of communication when someone is talking all genders that aren’t the two genders that many people are slotted into (boy and girl).

So you can definitely call yourself trans, though you don’t have to. If you feel as if you have no gender, the commonly used label for that is agender. And if that doesn’t seem quite right either, you can look up lists of non binary genders. And remember, whatever your gender, if you have one, it does not dictate your presentation, self expression, pronouns, or anything else. Those two can be related, but they don’t have to be. And one does not influence the other.

So do what makes you happy, and if you want to just go with “I don’t have a gender” as a label for your gender, that’s great too! And if you still have questions, you know where my ask box is!

[beckinblack61]

One Year of Daily Blogging?

I’m watching the Unus Annus livestream right now, (may they R.I.P. by the way, hope I don’t fall asleep before the the end of it all,) and Mark and Ethan have inspired me to commit to doing something for one year in hopes of personal growth and to prove to myself that I can finish things if I simply put my mind to them (because procrastination is a b***h.) So... I might try blogging daily/online journaling starting tonight?

I don’t know if this is going to stick, or if at the least that this will stay on tumblr and not migrate to either a physical journal or something else, but I hope this will. I only started my tumblr account merely days ago, and I’m still unaware of whether or not tumblr is truly “dead” or not, as many people have suggested. I was half expecting that the website wouldn’t even work, so there’s that.

I have no plans for this. This may devolve into extremely stupid, short posts that I only make to fulfill my goal of journaling daily, or maybe (hopefully) I take this more seriously. Either way, here goes nothing.

Here is my last-minute idea of writing down my possible goals for this endeavor:

Improving my writing, vocabulary, grammar, etc. (I might pursue a career in English, but who knows as I surely don’t.)

Learning about myself/recording my advances in figuring out my gender, sexuality, identity, and other cliché things to say.

Helping my sanity through expressing myself during this pandemic and presidential election mess (oh lovely America, what a time to be alive.)

Mimicking Veronica from The Heathers (the first musical I ever saw, albeit illegally uploaded to YouTube) and having a “diary” so-to-speak during my senior year of high school. Maybe one day I can look back on this and laugh or cry or both or neither.

… And now my clock reads midnight. Staying up until 3AM is probably not a great decision, given I have a bowling match tomorrow. It’s not until 1PM though, so I should have ample time to sleep in. Sleeping from 3-9AM results in around 6 hours of sleep, which should be alright (although I know I won’t fall asleep that fast; I never can.)

This might not be the only thing I commit to doing for a year, as I have a lot of other ideas, though this is likely the one I am most likely to stick to. I would like to draw daily. I used to draw far more than I do now, which I regret leaving behind. I used to post my attempts at what some would call art on Instagram, which I quickly abandoned. I would also like to stay more on track with reading, another thing I recently have fallen behind on. My collection of the BNHA manga is staring me down from my bookshelf out of the corner of my right eye, alongside my book one of the newly released Fangirl manga, which I need to read soon to lend to my best friend that I unapologetically got hooked on Rainbow Rowell.

Is this getting too long? Quite possibly so. But if I stop doing something I fear I will fall asleep and miss the end of Unus Annus, so I will continue.

Let me get some things off of my chest to start, as I plan on being brutally honest to myself here as an outlet and to help figure out myself more easily. I may or may not be doing so as also inspired by Symptoms of Being Human by Jeff Garvin. I highly recommend you read the book if you are in need of some new literature to feed on. That book likely opened my eyes to my own gender exploration.

But as I was saying, about getting things off of my chest. I currently identify as genderqueer, under the non-binary umbrella. I’m fairly unsure of my gender, and am open for it to continuously change, so I am inclined to refrain from labeling it. If I were to try and clarify further, I might go with demi-boy, genderfluid, or gray-gender. I think I lean more masculine than anything, though I’m not certain. I feel fairly unattached to the idea of gender for myself, personally. The lines are blurred for me as far as what it means to be a “boy” or a “girl”. (Side-note: I need an Unus Annus tattoo.)

Something that adds to this confusion is my sexuality, in an odd way. Is this TMI? I don’t know. No one is likely seeing this anyways. I’m either pansexual or bisexual, depending on your definition of either. I think I can love anyone of any gender identity, if I simply love them as a person. I may have a strong bias for men. And, I think I prefer the thought of a guy who refers to me with male pronouns? So who knows, I may be trans and also gay. Or entirely queer, both in the sense of sexuality and gender. I’m still figuring things out and may never will. Is that slightly terrifying? Yeah, maybe.

But, the catch is that I’m not out yet IRL. One person in my life, my best friend, knows I am pansexual. I’ve been considering telling them about being genderqueer and leaning masculine. I haven’t yet. I don’t know if I should bring it up yet? Because I don’t know my gender fully, I’m concerned about telling someone one thing and then deciding that I’m not that the next day. Is this technically imposter syndrome or something? I don’t know. I feel like I’ve heard somewhere that if you’re worried about not being trans, you’re likely trans as a comfortably cisgender person wouldn’t be worried about not being trans. Who knows if that’s true.

So. I’m genderqueer and bi/pan and in the closet basically about all of it to basically everyone. Lovely.

Also, as you could probably guess, Briar is a name I only recently chose to go by. Recently meaning in the past few days. I hope Briar leans masculine, though I’m unsure of whether it truly does or not. I just think it fits me better. I’m AFAB (assigned female at birth.) Only some of my social medias have received the name change: my Instagram, my Reddit, and my Pinterest. My Instagram technically hasn’t fully been changed yet, as I am currently locked from changing my name for 2 weeks for no reason, but my technical username has changed. I need to change my google account name, but, being tied to my YouTube, which my brother is subscribed to, I don’t want to set off any possible alarms just yet.

Why “BriarInBlack61″ then? Well, black is one of, if not my only, favorite color. It makes up the majority of my closet. (Yes, so originally edgy, I know.) The number 61 is in reference to what is arguably the best chapter of Carry On by Rainbow Rowell, another book I highly suggest you read. Carry On is likely my favorite book I’ve ever read. I adore Simon and Baz with all of my heart and am very curious as to what Anyway The Wind Blows brings.

Again, I apologize for the length of this post. Alas, it has only reached 1:19AM now. Should I retire this post?

I probably should, in hopes of leaving something to elaborate on tomorrow. Good day or good night to whoever has stumbled upon this book of a post. May I hopefully not fall to sleep before 3.

Sincerely, 

               Briar

Saturday, November 14, 2020, 1:26 AM

[werevulvi]

Splitting and merging

I've done a lot of inner work to figure myself out, in my detransition and prior to it. I randomly started reflecting over it again, and this is the (really comprehensive) result. When I look at my gender expression as a spectrum from the most masculine I presented as in my trans man days, to the most feminine I presented as in my pre-transition and early detransition days, I feel that both of those extremes are uncomfortable for me. I've lived most of my life through differently gendered personas. It's been three of them: Kazanndra - was the name I created at age 12 for a self image I wanted to become. She's a hyper-feminine version of myself. We're talking long hair, shaven body, no facial hair, big boobs, narrow waist, big butt, heavy makeup, short skirts, tight tops, high heels, painted nails, etc. Personality wise she's melancholic, submissive, self-harming, and hyper-sexual in a way she tries to take back control by never saying no to any man and being very submissive. She is, in fact, a slave to her own pain and a pawn of patriarchy. For many times in my past, I felt like she was the only kind of woman I could possibly want to be, and if I couldn't be her, I'd rather be a man. Everyone kept telling me I shouldn't be like her, which was one of the things that drove me to transition. She is the mental image and tragic manifestation of my internalised misogyny. She's a trauma queen. John - was the name I went by as a trans guy, and thus he was the persona I tried to become in my transition. He's not so different from Kazanndra in his personality, but copes with the same issues through a lens of false masculinity instead. As he's also hyper-sexual in a very similar manner, he's submissive with men in a way to try to erase his femaleness by fucking away the pain. He is more so a manifestation of my internalised lesbophobia, a combination of the misogyny and homophobia I turned towards myself. He attempts to always be the polar opposite of what I actually am, he's the brick wall to my vulnerability, the anger to my fear, and he's the "masc gay man" to the femme lesbian I really am.

These were not actual alters, but rather like roles that I acted out, or different masks that I put on, taken to an extreme. I was never diagnosed with a dissociative disorder, but I highly suspect I had OSDD, cause of my actual alter. I knew I did not meet enough criteria of DID to be diagnosed with it. Just to clarify. Both of those two personas are my most extreme states. I lived through them at different times of my life thinking they were the real me at those times, but they always pushed each other away which created a huge inner conflict. When I first figured I might be transgender at age 15, I was terrified of transitioning and flipped over into playing out and almost becoming Kazanndra, as a response to my fears about transition and my past traumas, until I was 19. During those 4 years, I lived most of my life through the Kazanndra lens, but on rare occasion John peaked through and that messed with me. I used to refer to those 4 years as my "trans denial" period. At age 19 after more abuse I flipped the switch and instead lived through John believing I was him and that Kazanndra had just been a persona and a coping mechanism, which she was, but she was also me. While seeing myself as a trans man and living through my John persona, Kazanndra would pop up on occasion just like it had been before, but in reverse. That too, messed with me. Anna - was my only actual alter, and I didn't live through her but rather side by side with her, as if we were two people sharing one body. She was very different from both Kazanndra and John, she was feminine but not to an extreme and much more natural in her expression. She was happy to be female, but also very dominant and assertive in a way I could described as "masculine" and her trauma showed through a complete lack of sexual interest, bullying and violent tendencies.

I'm no longer split into those three parts, but have become somewhat of a mix between them. But I also have aspects that neither of them had, the aspects they all existed to eliminate: my vulnerability and my lesbianism. Both John and Kazanndra drove me head first into seeking out men sexually, in very self-destructive ways, while Anna attempted to stop me with a trauma-induced asexuality, but neither expressed even the slightest hint of attraction to women or any actual attraction at all. They covered it up, and quite effectively, but my genuine self did shine through every once in a while, as a form of forbidden longing for the warmth of my actual attraction to women. And by the end of the time that I had with Anna as a separate entity alongside me, I for the first time ever noticed she was not against me dating the person I was into: my current girlfriend. She was only ever against me being with men, and now I know, she was trying to protect me.

Now I'm no longer split, but I'm only beginning to realise what kinds of effects that has had on me. Basically, John merged with Kazanndra by the end of last year when I started having a beard as a woman, my lesbianism emerged from my depths, and together they became Laura. And by spring this year Laura merged with Anna, when I started incorporating her style into my own, found more strength in my vulnerability, and I yet again became Sara. Laura was a sort of transition in itself. She was definitely on the right track, my first agonising steps to accepting my femaleness and coming to terms with my transition and my sexuality. She was not a persona, but also not the full me. She was a gateway, or a path, that I much needed to travel through. I was healing through her, but she was not my end goal. Sara is more than just my birth name; it is the name of my whole child self before I split. And I think that's why I've been starting to feel connected to that name again since around spring this year, which was when I fully merged. Perhaps the reasons I could not connect to it before was related to how split up I was as a person. But now, as a whole person again, I realise that all of my personas and alters smacked into one coherent personality, is me, Sara. So to be Sara is my ultimate goal, but that too is a work in progress.

I do not remember much of the child that I was, before the age of 9 when my traumatised mind split into two halves: me and Anna, and then continued to fragment into personas as I grew up. She's too young for me to fully reach within myself. Although I do keep trying, cause I think reaching her is an important puzzle piece in my further healing.

How Anna is connected to why I transitioned is, I think, more indirect than anything. She was never male-identified. In fact she was closer to the genuine me than ever I was myself even (which is a scary thought, but true), and she was the aspect of me that was the most connected to my femaleness and very defensive of it. However, her existence was a direct response to my traumas, and my transitioning was another direct response to my traumas. So they're indirectly connected cause they stem from the same source. They were two different escape mechanisms that clashed. Anna was against me transitioning. She felt it as a direct violation of her autonomy and as me destroying her (our/my) body. It was a huge conflict which even led to her raping me, one desperate night back in early 2011 when I had been self-medicating with testosterone for some 6 or 7 months. My transition created a huge inner conflict within myself, to say the least. I didn't take Anna's existence into account that she was still somehow... me. I wanted to erase her, not merge with her.

Since my detransition now, I can no longer think of myself as "non-binary" but I'm rather just trying to find a healthy balance between my extreme masculinity (John) and my extreme femininity (Kazanndra), to have them co-exist peacefully instead of fighting and switching back and forth, while also taking what once was Anna into account. I've discovered that for me I best express that healthy balance as a bearded, deep-voiced, hairy woman with an affinity for red lipstick, dresses and long hair (yeah I'm saving that fucker out again). It's me being assertive, strong-willed, logical, a realist and not afraid to take space; while also being emotional, dreamy, vulnerable, nurturing and creative. It's me combining dominance with submission in a healthy and playful way that feels enriching and healing, and what it actually is, is me combining familiar comfort with going outside of my comfort zone and finding healthy ways to express my sexuality with another woman as a woman myself. To listen to my boundaries but also dare to explore my desires. Instead of searching for gender labels anymore, I'm finding harmony in my androgyny and coming to peace with my biological female sex, and with my homosexuality. The only labels I do and will wear are woman, detrans, lesbian, femme and I may on occasion describe myself as androgynous or gnc. My healing began in early 2017 when I broke up with my ex and became friends with Anna. I swung to the most masculine extreme of my John-persona I had ever been. During that year I rejected my attraction to women completely and planned on getting SRS to rid myself of the last remaining visible aspects of my femaleness. It was my ultimate denial, a strong reaction to my tapping into my traumas and little by little sorting them out. Then in early 2018 I started vaguely connecting to my body as I began to listen to it. My mind had finally started to let go of its tight grip on my denial. Mid 2018 I swung back to my Kazanndra-persona as I detransitioned. A few months later I merged my Johh-persona and Kazanndra-persona together and discovered my true lesbian sexuality. A few months after that, I merged with Anna and felt a new, stable calm within myself and felt myself grounding more. I started missing my birth name, and eventually took it back. Alongside all that, I've been working hard on my relationship issues in the past and now believe I have the most solid, healthy relationship ever, with my girlfriend. It all started with one idea, two and a half years ago: I'm gonna start listening to myself, allow all and any kinds of thoughts and feelings to exist within me, and not push any of them away. They're not dangerous, and I know I know that. I followed that idea through, made it into a promise. Eventually it led me here, to my utter astonishment. I do not regret that, but it's been a very difficult journey that I was not prepared for at all. I believe it's all connected. Why I transitioned, my personas John and Kazanndra, my alter Anna, my internalised lesbophobia, my intrusive sexual thoughts about men, my traumas, my (birth) name, how I struggle to figure out what is my authentic self, even my style and gender expression, and so on. And detangling that massive heap of psychological wounds for the past couple of years has almost become a bit of a hobby for me by now. It's no longer terrifying, but exciting instead. It's always been rewarding, seeing my true self shine through the cracks and form into a more and more solid and clear image in my mind, slowly over time. I did most of that inner work myself and had very little help from any actual therapy; although my girlfriend has been an immense support and invaluable help in giving me advice, listening to my endless rambles, comforting me in my panic and helping me stay on the right track. For that, and much more, I am forever grateful for her. The rewards I’ve gotten have been a newfound ability to ground myself and finding peace, comfort and love coming from within myself to protect and care for me. It will always be worth it.