#Cat Urine In Car

[strawberrypaw]

ohhh i feel like i'm dying

[mvybanks]

I feel like JJ's the type to be kinda nervous on his first date with you(especially if he's been in love you for forever) and yaps a whole bunch. Eventually you get sick of it so you just kiss him and he melts into it 😩

stop omg omg he would be soooo nervous because first of all, how did he even get you to agree to go on a date with him??? and second of all, his heart has been beating for you since forever so he has no idea what he’s supposed to do now! he never thought this day would come💀

jj yaps about whatever comes to mind because he doesn’t want to endure any kind of uncomfortable silence and he notices how you’re staring at him, focusing on his handsome face, and it makes him even more nervous! he tries to remember all of the smart stuff that pope usually talks about just so he can add something to the conversation, but it’s very likely that what he’s saying has absolutely no sense.

“did you know that your brain is constantly eating itself?”

you try to stifle your laugh because how is that an argument that one wants to discuss during a date? “uhm, no. i didn’t know that.” of course you add to the conversation, but when it quiets down, jj feels like he has to say something. so as you’re both eating your dinner, and silence has taken over the nice conversation you were having, he adds, “you know, cat urine glows under a black light?”

so yeah, there’s never a dull moment. until he drives you home, the car ride filled with useless, although amusing, facts. he stops in front of your house, and you’re waiting for him to finally make a move, but when he keeps yapping about god knows what, you decide to take the reins by grabbing his shirt in your fist and pulling him in for a long kiss, interrupting whatever he was saying. he becomes putty in your hands, melting completely into the kiss and holding you close as he finally makes good use of his mouth.

“if i knew this was all it took to shut you up, i would’ve done it hours ago,” you tease him, mumbling on his lips.

he smirks. “and if i knew that annoying you with stupid facts was all it took to make you kiss me, i would’ve done it years ago.”

[theswanqu33nsblog]

Let's get in the back of your cop car, officer!

Warnings: mention of p and v, kind of agressive, sex in public, very vulgar language.

Whatever and it didn't matter, you were in the back seat of the car of a police officer, or rather good-for-nothing Colin Zabel, a detective who hasn't had a case since...he was almost murdered in Easttown. And you knew that whenever he arrested you you would get out the next day, or that maybe it would be your last day enjoying your freedom.

It was late Friday night, Colin had arrested you because you accidentally (not actually) stole a perfume from a hidden store in the city, you thought there were no cameras but oh surprise! Detective Zabel always had the area monitored. So you were in the back seat, and a safety gate so you wouldn't try to attack Colin while he was driving, singing some stupid song from the 80s.

"ya' know, you should have known that I'm everywhere y/n" Colin said as the radio continued playing the music in the background, while one of his free hands was tapping his knee to the rhythm of the song. "I mean, I think I've counted the number of times I've arrested you this last month."

Colin laughed, thinking it was a great joke, perhaps to impress you or perhaps to make you understand that behind that tough detective facade (which he was not) existed a good and funny man... although it always went wrong.

"i could care less" You said rolling your eyes and looking in the rearview mirror where he saw you, he chuckled and raised his eyebrows.

"yeah, i already know that..." Colin said, taking even a slower route to the station, somehow he enjoyed talking to your snarky and sass attitude. "Hey you know, the other day..." he started to speak but you interrupted him again.

"i said, i literally don't care" You repeated, looking at him again, he raised his hands in surrender while his feet controlled the pedals of the car, and in his failed attempt at being a good person he almost ran over a cat, causing him to put his hands on the wheel and swerve the poor little animal.

"You should relax your temper a little, you know? I'm just trying to do my job," He said as he got back to driving well and then clenched his jaw a little. After a while, he felt a slight discomfort in his pelvis informing him that he couldn't hold back the urge to pee. So, parking the car on the side of the road and turning off the engine, he looked at you and then said "I'll get off for a few seconds...I have to make a call, don't get out of the car or you know what's happening to you."

He looked at you for a few seconds and when he saw that you nodded, confused that you had paid attention, he got out of the car, closing the door behind him, he left but then he came back looking at you through the window, which made you raise your eyebrow. "I'm sorry, making sure you listen to me."

He smiled and then went behind a tree, while you tried to see what he was doing there, because clearly, not a call, because the idiot left his phone in the car. Colin unbuckled his seatbelt a little quickly, not being able to resist the urge to pee, this would have been easier if he were going to a gas station but he couldn't risk you running away and getting a quick taxi, at least here in the middle of the nowhere. Everything would be difficult for you to escape. Then he unbuttoned his pants, lowering the zipper, and then lightly pulled down his boxers, taking out his member and taking it with both hands, looking for some direction to point to to pee, well, if he peed in the tree he would be like a dog and he doesn't want to mark territory...that would be strange. Meanwhile, you, amid all the movement he made in that tree, were able to see what he was doing, just his ass on full display and that was enough for you to smile and try to contain your laughter.

Finally determined, Colin began to pee in the grass, moving his hips and drawing a smile in the dirt with his urine, then he frowned when he realized what he was doing and looked away concentrating on peeing. You kept watching what he did, a slight movement and that was enough to steal a glimpse of his dick, to be honest you always wondered what he was hiding under those black pants every time he arrested you, So when he moved, you could see enough, a good sized dick and veins decorated it, Colin's hand squeezing it as he shook it after he finished peeing, how could such a stupid action turn you on in seconds? Maybe it was because you were ovulating and starved for sex and it didn't even matter if it was casual. Colin fastened his pants and belt, wiping his hands on his pants and running back to the car, sitting in the passenger seat and closing the door behind him, breaking you out of your thoughts.

"Damn it's...hot out there" he said letting out a sigh, the smell of his perfume again invading the police car.

"You were peeing right?" you asked even though it was already obvious, he was going to ask you how you knew but you interrupted him "you left your phone here."

"yea' right"

He let out a light laugh and then both stayed silent, he looked at you in the rearview mirror, although in fact he was looking at your breasts in that long-sleeved shirt you were wearing, weren't you wearing a bra? Damn, your nipples were noticeable, something that made his pants start to tighten. He cleared his throat, putting his fist to his mouth and then said. "I uh.."

"You have a big cock" you said, being completely honest, you loved intimidating people although you didn't know exactly when, he looked at you with a wtf face trying to process that.

"alright, thanks....???" He said, with a light blush on his cheeks, then he ran his veined hand over his forehead and hair, pulling it a little with his fingers and then he said. "Hey, I've never understood why girls don't wear bras under their shirts, is it fashion or...?"

When you heard that, you didn't hesitate to laugh, sure sure, he had seen your tits.

"it's comfy" you smirked, and then it occurred to you to shake your breasts, making his eyes open completely, and then he would turn around to see you in full display. He lightly licked his lips watching your breasts bounce when you finished doing that, then looked into your eyes swallowing quickly.

"why did you..." He trailed off

"because it's sexy, isn't it?" you said, speaking softly, and leaning into the protection that separated both from back seats to front seats, your face close to his between the holes.

He just didn't think, he just nodded, it had been a long time since a girl had acted that way around him, in fact, since his fiancée abandoned him at the last minute. "How can you know if I like that? or if someone is okay with doing that in front of an officer" he asked you, looking at you between the holes, speaking softly and with a thick voice.

"All men love that" You whispered with a slight smile, looking at his lap he noticed a tent forming in his pants, great. The only thing missing was being turned on by a girl that he had to take to lock up that night.

He just, got out of the driver's seat, took out his keys opening the door where you were, almost pushing you aside roughly so he could get in back there, then he closed the door and put the keys in his vest. He looked at you, and sighed saying. "It's sexier to do it when you're handcuffed."

You could only smile at that, feeling your belly tingle and your panties slowly getting wet at that, looking at him closer, you could notice his prominent jaw, those fucking brown eyes looking at you as if he wanted to take you as fast as possible. He quickly laid you down on the back seat, getting on top of you, and kissing you slowly on the neck, shit it felt so perfectly good that if you had your hands free you would undress yourself in front of him. His hands slowly caressing your hips, and slowly entering your shirt while you couldn't do anything but close your eyes and gasp wishing you could touch him again.

"shhh" you felt the soft tickle of his breath in your ear, making you bite your lip in anticipation, as then his perfect nose slid over your cheek to your lips, and then slowly kissing your bottom lip, his hands moving up inside your shirt. until he touched the curves of your breasts without a bra, squeezing them from below while he kissed you. Two fingers of his right hand, touching your nipples and squeezing and twisting them hard, pulling on them as you let out a small moan that made him smirk. "Are you wet already?" He looked into your eyes, while he squeezed your breasts, biting his lip, and with his knees, pushing your legs to the sides of him so that you were spread open, just as you could have wished before. Who wouldn't...

"Do you have condoms?" You asked, even though you knew the guy probably got no sex, you didn't want to risk any sexually transmitted diseases, he frowned, removing his hands from your breasts and said.

"Do I look like I'm carrying a whole package of condoms?" He asked and then let out a laugh. He looked at the car windows hoping that no one would pass by or a person would come out of nowhere. And it was almost time to open the gift, his fingers undoing his belt while you noticed the sexy veins in his hands and forearms, damn man how sexy he was. After that, he took your handcuffed wrists, and put them above your head so that you were not in the way, finally, lowering his pants a little followed by his boxers, which you could see were black Calvin Klein ones.

It was no surprise, this man gave off the aroma of Calvin Klein, he was just so perfect. His veined hand pulling out his good sized cock, with two veins adorning the length, he gave it a pair of pumps while with the other hand, he lifted your skirt a little, and pushed your lace panties aside. His thumb rubbing circles on your clit making you gasp with desire, he then said. "Shit...you're so wet" The sound of his voice was so sexy that you probably felt yourself slipping into the seat of his car, he continued to rub your clit making you wetter while with his other hand he continued jerking off his cock to make it harder, which was throbbing of need to be inside you, on the other hand, he remained strong enough not to sink into you so quickly.

His finger slid over your pussy slit, expanding your juices as your legs trembled looking at him, slowly grinding your hips, he brought his hand to his mouth, licking the tips of his three middle fingers, and spitting a little, then brought them back to your pussy and rub more.

"Holy fuck! You are torturing me Zabel, just fuck me" You let out a moan, he just let out a playful giggle, and leaned towards you, biting your earlobe, and finally, you felt the tip of his cock rubbing up and down your slit, and his hand that was now free, He took your leg, lifting it on his hip and pressing his fingers into it, slowly pushing his tip into you making you moan, and pulling it out again, finally, he pushed himself inside you all the way, touching the depths of you. He grunted leaned his forehead on your neck and whispered.

"fuckkk, you're so damn tight," he whispered, then his other hand took your other leg, placing it on his hip as well and squeezing your thighs with his fingers, slowly, moving his hips back and forth, while you moaned close to his ear.

"yes...ghhh...Zabel" You moaned slowly as your arms tried to go towards his neck to hug him, but releasing your thigh he aggressively pushed your cuffed arms back against the car door, and put his hand on your thigh again, fucking you a little faster than how it started.

"Don't touch me" he said, as he gasped, you felt his cock was completely hard inside you, his balls slapping against your ass as he ground himself a little and started to fuck you faster, you could hear the sounds of skin slapping or clapping. in the silence of the car, while your moans increased and his gasps the same.

"yes...yes...just like that, please zabel..."

Your moans ran through his ears, while he bit his lip and his cockhead brushed hard against your hilt, resting his forehead more on the small hollow of your neck, you moaned more and more. His hand, slowly spanking you, sliding up and down your thigh, as you tried to push yourself further into him.

"fuck i think im gonna...fucking cum" He whispered shakily, while his hips hit your pelvis hard making you moan even more than before, feeling a strange sensation of wanting to come without anticipation, you wanted to touch him but surely he would refuse so you preferred to hold on to the roof of the car, squeezing your legs. on the sides of him. His cock slid back and forth inside you, making you gasp and drip on the seat, the mixture of juices began to form when his cock was filled with your white liquid and with one last thrust, perhaps very strong, he came inside you. of you, pressing his pelvis hard against yours to make sure your pussy swallows every residue of his semen, your womb totally infested with him, damn, you even wanted to get pregnant by him so you could tie him to you and have him fuck you like this fucking time.

Gasping, he raised his head looking into your eyes, sliding out of you and shaking his cock to release the last liquid into your vagina, then he pulled up his boxers and buttoned his pants. "Now, let's go, you must be locked up tonight"

As if the little moment of sex you had was going to change the fact that you had to go to fucking jail that fucking night. "What if I give you a blowjob?"

He smiled as he adjusted your panties and skirt and lowering your cuffed wrists he said "Then make sure you keep that mouth shut for when you leave tomorrow, I need a good good morning blowjob."

He got out of the back seat, closing the door and returned to the driver's seat, while you took care of sitting down properly, although as if once again your pussy felt the need for him, with your forehead sweating and panting you said. "Oh shit, you're a son of a bitch," you muttered.

He looked at you in the rearview mirror as he took the car out from where he parked it and told you, "but you moaned so well for me, didn't ya, doll?"

[bullet-prooflove]

Gunpowder & Lead: Filip 'Chibs' Telford x Reader

Tagging: @corruptedcoffin @anime-weeb-4-life @redpoodlern @ravencrow83 @kishie8 @nu1freakshow @oureternalbond

Companion Piece to Safe

You’re gone when Chibs wakes up and so is the gun on his nightstand. It doesn’t take him long to connect the two things. You’re smart, you know the serial numbers have been removed, that none of what you do will blow back on him. He knows exactly what you’re going to do, he kicks himself for not seeing it sooner.

“Fuck.” He snarls, snatching up his cell phone and dialling your number. He gets your voicemail immediately. He snaps his phone shut so hard, he hears the plastic creak.

You’ve taken away his options, left him no room to manoeuvre. It both impresses and infuriates him. He can’t believe he underestimated you. He’s seen you in the courtroom for Christ’s sake, you’re fiercely intelligent, with nerves of fucking steel. You’ve kept him and the entire MC out of prison over your tenure as their lawyer, utilising a broken system and wielding it as if it’s a tool crafted especially for your hand.

He sits on the edge of his bed and clasps his hands together for a moment, trying to collect his thoughts and string together a plan because this shit is gonna end up with you dead if you aren’t careful.

He goes to your house, he knows you aren’t there despite the fact your car is in the driveway, you aren’t stupid. He picks up the cat statue your mother bought you, the one that you absolutely hate, and removes the spare key from underneath it. When he steps through the door, the stench of urine hits him straight away.

It’s only now that he realises the reality of your situation, what forced you to his house last night.

The living room is destroyed, the glass coffee table has been smashed, shards scattered throughout the carpet. All of those precious little artifacts, the ones from your travels, that used to rest upon the mantlepiece are in smithereens, fragments ground into the plush fabric underfoot. Your bookshelves have been yanked from the walls; pages scattered across the floor from being torn out. It’s when he steps into the affray that he sees the stain on the couch, the damp puddle marring the fabric and sinking into the cushions.

“The dirty bloody bastard.” he hisses as he stares at the spot the two of you made love a couple of days ago, the one that’s now drenched in piss.

He remembers the blanket draped over his hips as he smiled down at you. Your fingertips trailing over the scars on his cheek.

“Filip.” You had murmured as you looked into his eyes, his thumb ghosting over your lips. He’d silenced you with a kiss, one that was loving and tender, because as much as he wanted to hear those words on your lips, he wasn’t ready. He couldn’t vocalise how he felt for you, but he could show you with his body. He could worship you the way you deserved, express it with his actions.

It’s as he stands there, reliving that moment that he spots the wadded up ball of paper. He reaches for it, grasping it in his hand before he smoothed it out upon the sideboard that used to hold a picture of your niece and nephew.

It’s a divorce decree.

He scans over the document, processing the information as he studies it.

After months of delays and frustration, your divorce had finally come through yesterday.

You’re a free woman.

There were teeth marks on the decree, he could imagine it being shoved into your mouth with two fingers, stifling your agony as he stubbed that cigarette out just under your collarbone. The fingertip bruising on your jaw made sense to him now, the piece of shit had forced it shut as he seared your skin a second time and then a third, marking you.

His gaze lingers on the name and address at the top of the paper, it isn’t yours. It’s your ex’s.

Chibs can see how it all played out. That scumbag getting the letter in the mail, after fighting you for so long, avoiding court dates, challenging your assets. The document was probably still clutched in his hand when he’d come to your house, to teach you a lesson, to remind you that a piece of paper meant nothing, that you still belonged to him.

There was a fury whipping up inside him, it swirled like a hurricane, building and building and building until the rage and indignation erupted through his system like an IED. He was going to kill him; he was going to wrap his hands around that vicious son of a bitch’s throat and choke him until his eyes bulged and his face turned slack.

His gaze strays to the address in his hand, he knows where it is, he knows that is where you’ll be.

When Chibs arrives, he finds you sitting in a chocolate brown La-Z-Boy, smoking a cigarette over a corpse. His Beretta has been carefully placed on the end table, alongside a marble ashtray.

The bruising on your face is more predominant that it was last night, the true extent of the damage revealing itself. Your eye is bloodshot, the vessels around the iris blossoming with crimson. You look a right state, but there’s a calmness in you, one, that he knows comes in the aftermath of neutralizing a threat.

“You shouldn’t be here.” You tell him, crushing the butt of the cigarette into the base of the ashtray.

“Aye.” He says before gesturing to the body of your ex-husband. “What was the plan?”

You shook your head as your gaze came to rest on the dead man, sprawled out on the laminate in front of you. You remember the surprise on Peter’s features when he turned around and saw the gun. The dumb fuck had let you in, thinking you were going to fucking grovel. He had expected you to get on your knees and beg for forgiveness.

“There wasn’t one.” You tell him as Chibs crouches down beside the body to examine it. “I just knew he wasn’t going to stop.”

“Christ love, you emptied an entire clip into him.” he remarks, with the shake of his head. “I doubt we could argue self-defence.”

You remove another cigarette from the pack on the end table before putting it between your lips and lighting it. You take a long drag before exhaling.

“Just go Filip.” You urge him. “I’ll make sure none of this leads back to you.”

He tilts his head examining the size and built of the body. There’s not a chance you’ll be able to help lift it, not in the shape you’re in. He can tell the painkillers have worn off from the slight clench of your jaw. He still has that hook up in the crematorium, he can get Juice to drive the van down from the garage, help with the clean-up. He trusts the other man to keep his mouth shut unless asked about it directly. He raises to his feet, clapping his hands together before he turns his attention onto you.

You mean it, he can tell from the steely look in your eyes as you watch him.

Right now he’s in the clear, if he gets on his bike and leaves, it’ll be like he was never here. You on the other hand, you’ll be facing 25 to life for the murder of your ex-husband. There will probably be extenuating circumstances from the beating you took, you’d get time shaved off for pleading out, a reduced sentence in Central California’s Women’s Facility.

The thought of it kills him, you serving time, your ex husband getting the last laugh form beyond the grave. He hopes the fucker is burning in hell, getting ass fucked by the devil himself.

“Alright love. I’ve got a plan.”

Love Chibs? Don’t miss any of his stories by joining the taglist here.

Like My Work? - Why Not Buy Me A Coffee

[is-the-owl-video-cute]

Why does my cat smell so good? It’s not just associations, even people who think I’m weird for pointing it out can’t actually disagree. He smells very very nice. Its nothing at all like new car smell, but in a similar way it is hard to describe, just sort of pleasant and clean.

cats and most felines evolved to have little to no body odor, possibly due to their role as stealth hunters. Typically when people say something “smells like cat” they’re referring to cat urine which is the means they use to the end that is olfactory communication, which differs from other companion mammals such as dogs as those have their own odor just on their bodies.

In general a cat will just smell like whatever it spends most of its time lounging on/in. This is why shelter cats sometimes smell like litter boxes while long time adopted healthy cats smell like carpets, bedsheets, so on, so forth.

[mousedetective]

Please Help A Mostly Queer Homeless Family Out This Pride Month?

So we have gotten our overdrafts covered! All without overdraft fees (double yay)! So that's one less thing to worry about. I have a loan repayment coming out again tomorrow, now that I have money in my account, and I'm waiting on the other loan to go through since the website says there's a payment pending.

But we need help with three things still:

1 - Gas & laundry money. We have to go to Fallbrook again this week (probably on the 8th, since my mom and I will have mail to pick up that day) to pull all the laundry out of our upstairs storage unit, wash it, and put it back in, along with spraying the front of it with Lysol air freshener and butting in a charcoal deodorizer, because it smells like cat urine and we'll get kicked out if we don't take care of it soon. We don't have the money of strength to move two units out, so we're going to do what we can to minimize the odor. But I need $40 for gas (it's cheapest at the 7-11 in Bonsall, since I can save 11 cents a gallon) and $20 for laundry to cover an extra wash and a dry that will get it all dry.

2 - A hotel room for my mom's 50th high school reunion/a manicure for my mother. I know it seems frivolous, but my mom graduated from a high school in the area and this is the first reunion after one of the big celebratory people in her class has died, plus it's the 50th, which is a pretty big milestone. We need a hotel for three days to keep the cats out of the car and to have a place to shower/get ready/leave the kidlet for the actual reunion (there's also an all-class picnic which is during the day that the kidlet is invited to, but we don't want the cats in the sun all day). We need it for the 24th through the 26th. We want to try and stay at the Motel 6 on Pio Pico Drive, as the room is all tile and the TV accommodates my son's X-Box, which will keep him entertained while we're gone. I'd also like to get my mom a manicure because her nails keep breaking from still being brittle after chemo, and she deserves a treat. We're looking at $400 for all of this.

3 - Anything off our Amazon wish list. We just ordered new medicine storage bags for me and my mom, as ours have been ruined by the cats/time, and we're going to add food to the list as we have storage space in the car for it, but I'm getting signs I'm going to start my menstrual cycle soon, and I could really use the portable heating pad. And anything else already on the list would be a huge help. The list is here.

[chaotic-iguana]

bruh.

what. what the fuck.

writing started off as an exploration; a hobby that i was just trying out. something new, to pass the time. but i feel like it has now evolved into an extension of my art. over time, my stories starting having more and more elements of the poetry-inspired commentary i like to have in the forefront of my paintings, or very simply the imagery i used to include in my poems themselves.

but that isn’t even the best part.

i’ve been writing for around a month, and i absolutely adore literally every single mutual i have on here. @breakfastatjoels, @mandoisapunk, @josephquinnswhore, @bastardmandennis, @nostalxgic, @pedrosaidsheispunk, @theywhowriteandknowthings @millerscoffee

you’re all such inspirations im so glad to know u all thank u all for existing i gen would not have kept writing/still be on this site without yall and i promise im wrapping up i just think its a little fucked that im…gaining traction? how? and the crazy thing?? that list of ppl tagged up there are like just the ones i could remember off the top of my head!! there’s so many more! @imherefordeanandbones, was my first follower and the first on my taglist, and one of the first people to make me think my writing was actually not that bad for a beginner!!

anyways while i literally question everything and melt in gratitude, i hope you all have great days. thank you very much. let’s hope we see many more!!

enough sappy shit.

as a celebration, im gonna write fics, blurbs or hcs (saw/nsfw) based on the following prompts:

this is from @havenoffandoms 800 follower celebration! just send me your character pairing and prompt. list below the cut

“I’m in love with you. Please, don’t leave me.”

“Shut up and kiss me.”

“It’s really not that complicated.”

“You’re in love with them, aren’t you?”

“We could get arrested for this.”

“I thought you were dead.” 

“You’re never going to let that go, are you?”

“Love is overrated.”

“If you think I’m going to talk to you while you’re dressed like that, you’re wrong!”

“Do you ever actually use your cellphone?”

“You don’t need to protect me.”

“You fainted… right into my waiting arms. You know, if you wanted my attention you didn’t have to go to such extremes.”

“You have to make a choice.”

“You have to remember.”

“You heard me. Take. It. Off.”

“You know, it’s okay to cry.”

“You lied to me!”

“You make me feel like I’m not good enough.”

“You need to wake up cause I can’t do this without you.”

“You’ll be the death of me.”

“The only thing hotter than seeing your orgasm is seeing your smile.”

“Where do you think you’re going dressed like that? Your body is for my eyes only.”

“From the minute I met them, there was no choice. They’re smart. They’re strong. They resent their parents enough to go for a person like me. Also they’re crazy hot.”

“What do you mean, I’m not scary? I literally nearly scared the life out of a man?” “You literally scared a little saliva and a little urine out of him.”

“When someone your age dies, you instinctively want to hear it was of something that could never happen to you. Well, it’s the same with divorce.”

“I get to stay home and plan the death of Dora the Explorer. Fill her backpack with bricks and throw her into the Candy Cane River.”

“You don’t ‘take a run’ at a person. You woo them. You make them feel special.” “Hey honey, look at this. It’s a picture of my butt.”

“I don’t like you.” “I’ll get over it.”

“You’re one of the most beautiful person I know, and you don’t even know it.” “No, I know it.”

“Why do you always have to throw wet blankets on my dreams?” “I do not.” “Yes you do. And you know what I end up with? Wet dreams.”

“So you’re gonna throw me under the bus?” “Oh, I’m gonna throw you so hard I might even win a stuffed animal.”

“Who wouldn’t be angry if you ate all the cereal and faked your death for three years?”

“Quick, catch the cat it stole my coin pouch!”

“I feel like I was just hit by a car… wait, I did? And it was YOUR car?”

“I can’t believe I’m sitting in a dungeon with you of all people.”

“So why do I have to punch that guy?”

“I may have accidentally sort of adopted five goats.”

“I hope you know that my name is actually _____”

“Please stop petting the prisoners.”

“Please put me down, it’s just a sprained ankle.”

“So what if I broke my arm, I’m still doing it.”

“Why exactly do you need chloroform at 2am?”

“I’m like 75% sure this won’t explode in our faces.”

“You know how my people are, we would destroy ourselves just for spite.”

“Wait, is that what you were trying to do? I’m sorry, I would’ve taken you much more seriously if I knew.”

“Let’s not blow the extortion charge out of proportion. My boss was just a sore loser.”

“Of all things, you would have thought that the rain was innocuous enough. Turns out, nothing is innocuous in this Gods forsaken place!”

“It’s illegal to make unauthorized species. But it’s also illegal to kill endangered species. Thankfully, I only did one of each.”

“The secret ingredient isn’t human flesh, that’s all I can say.”

“Where’s the king?” “He’s being chased by a wyvern. It’s an old tradition, you see.”

“If I serenade for you, will you strip for me?”

“This is new.”

“Make me.”

“Shh. Stop fussing. I’m just braiding your hair.”

“If you steal the blankets, I’m going to put my cold feet on you.”

“Don’t be stubborn. Try it.”

“You are very endearing when you are half-asleep.”

“I heard you talking in your sleep.”

“The thought of losing you scares me.”

“Don’t smile at me like that. You know it drives me crazy.”

thank you. love you all.

[riftdancing]

So... It's my Birthday.

I would usually post about this on my personal blog, but I'm going to touch basis here instead since it does have some relation to my XIV blog at the end. First of all, if you've sent me a well wish for my birthday, you're amazing. Thank you. Each one of them so far has been incredibly heartwarming and while I ask nothing of anyone today... heartwarming is extra welcome because I am going through it right now.

Yesterday we took my 4 month old kitten, Ozzie, to the vet for his last set of vaccinations until next year. It went great! Little man is an absolute king. I've never seen such a brave and curious little cat. The car ride was zero stress for him. Not a single peep, just curiously watching the country side go by mid tongue bath. I've never seen a cat so blaise about a car ride. He was the same way at the vet office. Once out of his carrier and in the exam room he'd bound up to meet the staff and greet them with tail high and perked ears. In hindsight, after the experience, my partner and I have realized he'd probably make a great adventure cat, so we will likely be looking into harness and leash training very soon.

What I wasn't expecting, was returning home to find my cat (and emotional support animal) not acting like herself and showing me all the signs she'd fallen ill with something. She is my baby. My comfort, my emotional rock. The amount of emotional understanding and empathy she's shown me in the first four years of her life still astounds me more and more everyday. ...But Sootie and I are extremely co-dependent on eachother. Seeing her ill, even though we'd just returned home from the vet with Oz, we gently got her into her carrier and rushed her to the vet as well. You can imagine how shocked they were to see us again (lol).

Vet was glad I brought her in preemptively. Seems I had it exactly right. She is sick. She was running a fever of 105 when we got there. We did bloodwork (which came back squeaky clean!!) and they tried to get a urine sample, but to no avail. So they gave her a shot for her current nausea, and she's been put on liquid antibiotics. ...Antibiotics which require food and she's still not eating.

But... I don't care if its my birthday or not. I've put everything a side because she is my world. So her and I are quarentined to the bedroom together. Luckily that's her safe/comfort space, and I'm just in here to keep her company and provide additional comfort as she craves it. Currently as I write this from my mini mechanical bluetooth keyboard on my tablet... she's snuggled up in one of her favorite blankets next to me, tucked in for additional warmth.

But until she's doing a little better... I will be resigned to this set up...

So I will likely spend my Birthday cleaning out my tumblr inbox while I take care of my lil sick baby.

But after all the times she's looked after me in my worst states (like when I was sick with covid and despite trying to distance myself from her she would NOT leave me for the entire week. Like velcro. My lil nurse.) both mental and physical health... its the least I can do to make sure she's comfortable and has someone here for her the same way she's always been there for me.

When I say I would do anything for this cat. I mean it. She is the world to me.

[bonjourxrenae]

Thanks everyone for a fun night of booping! As I mentioned, we had to rush our cat to the vet yesterday afternoon and keep her overnight so they could run a urine test in the morning.

After getting a diagnosis (just a UTI, thank goodness), one car ride home and a precarious dose of medicine later, this little lady is finally on the road to recovery ❤️

[seat-safety-switch]

Cats are supposed to be good at killing wildlife, so maybe mine is just broken. For the last couple of years, I’ve had an infestation of mice in my garage. And by “garage,” I mean the area where my junky old cars are parked. They eat my treasured vintage paperwork in the glovebox, make love in the ashtray, and poop inside the seats. While hantavirus has been proven by a guy on YouTube to have been made up by the Illuminati, it does make the car stink a lot, even with all the holes in the floor.

As such, the aforementioned cat – one Lord Fluffbottoms – was recruited by me to lay waste to the rodent invasion. My cat has never really been outside, except for his early kittenhood on the street. There, he pissed on everything, ate grass and rocks, and destroyed everything he could get his hands on. Pretty much the same thing he does inside my house, except with less expense on my part. That said, my assumption was that every cat – every single one – was a bona fide murder machine, ready and willing to be cranked up and then thrown loose to hand out genocide like Tootsie Pops from a particularly driven ice cream man.

I pulled him outside, sat him down on the hood of a sagging Polara, and explained the situation. “Buddy,” I started, trying to get his attention as his gaze moved away from me and towards a sodium-halide street lamp that he perhaps thought he could kill, “it’s time for you to earn your keep.” With that, I gently tossed him in the window of a Disco Nova that I knew to be infested, turned my back to the no-doubt imminent carnage, and waited. And waited, and waited.

After awhile, I turned back to look inside the Nova. The mice were still there, as evidenced by their constant chittering and the undulating waves of jute upholstery under the once-pristine carpet. Lord Fluffbottoms was not. I looked back towards the house, only to see him running inside the open back door. That’s fine, I thought. Not all cats are outdoor cats, and he’d certainly had his fill with his rough street life. That’s when he slammed the door on me.

Friends, there is nothing more demeaning than realizing that your cat has locked you out of your own home. What’s worse, he seemed to anticipate my attempt to get in through the chimney, Santa Claus-style, and somehow pushed his completely-unused-until-now scratching post into the fireplace, blocking my ingress. Only offering a few cans of tuna got him to open the door again, by which point he had had copious time to soak every available soft surface of my home in more urine. Well, at least the mice won’t bother us in here.

[nunalastor]

Ask Compilation LET'S GOOO

@onceuponahotel asked:

*closes app for one day*

*opens it before bed*

*sees whatever fuckery is on nunalastor's blog*

This is why I stay on this godforsaken app lol

like a cursed news app

@timeladix asked:

Cursed mod on the left and dickmaster on the right (ik this bc i was there, took the photo myself ofc)

(Basically the energy you each give off in my head lmao)

-🦋

cursed mod and dickmaster are the same person but i can confirm this is two sides of their multiple personalities.

Anonymous asked:

what is by far THE MOST cursed ask you've ever got?

honestly they're all pretty bad. maybe one day we'll go through and pull our top 10 or something for a cursed ask bracket or something (if anyone wants to go through the cursed ask tag and pull some and do it instead, by all means feel free)

Anonymous asked:

1985 type song about Alastor and his refusal to get with the times

'cause he's still pre-occupied with 1935.

Anonymous asked:

Razzle can also turn into a giant dragon (sheep devil thing) and there is a nonzero chance there are dragon fuckers here. Razzle x Alastor has my support!

Anonymous asked:

One divorced dad and one single dad meet and now the dads are dating and their daughters are siblings. Chaos siblings to be exact.

Anonymous asked:

I just feel like the *thump* *squeak* posts have died down too much.

So

*thump*

*squeak*

*thump*

Anonymous asked:

I’m always so worried that I forget to turn the anon on and my friends are going to see this anyway

Rosie asks her husbands if they’re okay with being railed as a way to know if she’s gonna eat them (so far they have all said no and tasted horrible)

*thump* *squeak* *thump*

If you do, just let us know and we'll delete it. But your friends will always know you're into freaky cannibal shit.

@urrandomrand asked:

Hey. I feel sorry for u

Damn they felt so bad they deleted their whole account.

Anonymous asked:

*thump* *squeak* *thump* *squeak*

Anonymous asked:

You think if Lucifer menstrates, Alastor forces him to use a cup so that when he's done with it, Alastor can drink it like fine wine?

I think you should seek help, personally.

Anonymous asked:

Lucifer eats baked potatoes for breakfast because I like projecting onto him and I eat baked potatoes for breakfast.

Anonymous asked:

My entire Tiktok feed is that *alastor is a circus who lets people play in his urine*

The shit i get from your tumblr is way more wholesome

I fucking 💕 this fandom

The circus memes are so much less cursed.

Anonymous asked:

Oh yes, that! Can't fucking post links in anon...

-Alastors Dick

You can add a space between parts of the link I believe. Like, nunalastor. tumblr. com/tagged/alastorsdick

Anonymous asked:

Hiiiiii hope you're doing well and you've getting them eepies accordingly :>

-🦋

Cursed mod said they were gonna go take a nap a while ago but that's usually a fucking lie and they're still up.

Anonymous asked:

Ok on the subject of crackships again

What about mollie x cherri and pentious x arackniss

what about all four together maybe pentious has enough dicks for everyone

@floatingcamel23 asked:

hello mom-

I have zero parental instincts. So, I'm probably more like your mom than you realize.

Anonymous asked:

Shiiit, listen to this without looking at the screen.

Hells Greatest Dad (hazbin hotel) - But i converted it to midi (youtube.com)

Do you hear them singing still?

-Alastors Dick Link. Not even remotely. It sounds like cursed cat alastor stepping on the keys of a piano repeatedly.

Anonymous asked:

do you think that Alastor hides his tail because it's actually a switch and you can turn him off like you would turn off a radio by flipping his tail like a switch?

Anonymous asked:

Alastor car

link

Anonymous asked:

*sexually inserts rubber duck into lucifer's ass and then jumps on him repeatedly*

Anonymous asked:

In response to the dog toy thing-

Vaggie has a stroke of anger because she's basically gained some sort of trauma from hearing it every night. Alastor bursts out laughing. Lucifer turns into a tomato.

Anonymous asked:

Using light mode should be considered a sin

[chrryblssmninja]

Please comment on this NPS form (deadline Nov 22) that they need to listen to the community, conduct an environmental impact study, and not consider mass euthanasia for cats that have been there 100s of yrs

Comprehensive article in English:

Article by Carlos Edill Berríos Polanco

"The old city’s street cats, first brought to Puerto Rico by Spanish conquistadors more than 500 years ago, have been a staple ever since and are now a tourist attraction. You can’t walk the cobblestone streets without seeing cats slinking between cars or lounging in the sun, at home in the city as much as their human cohabitants.

The NPS claims it has received a series of complaints from “visitors” about cats attacking them and the foul smell of urine and feces. The agency says it has been looking into the issue for years but only recently started putting more resources into the issue after an uptick in complaints.

It has come up with two plans of action: either let the cats stay as they are, or begin systematically removing them. While the NPS insists that removal means the cats will be adopted, activists fear that it would mean most being euthanized."

More from the article:

"The agency held two open houses on November 2 and 3, where it presented its plan and timeline to residents, allowing the public to comment. As reported by the AP’s Dánica Coto, the first night was tumultuous, with members of the public voicing their frustration at being asked to only leave written comments without being able to speak. The second night, things went a little more smoothly, but people still had a rage in them that was felt with every rousing speech and reinforced by applause from the audience.

Activists in attendance wanted to completely halt any plan that would remove the cats from the area, instead pushing for the NPS to work with the community-led organization Save a Gato to systematically trap, neuter, and release (TNR) the cats."

It is through community actions orgs like these that almost all of the cats are spayed/neutered, vaxxed, and fed.

"Save a Gato has been practicing TNR at cost for years —bringing the group “up to their neck in debt”— and ships cats to the United States, where they have a greater chance of adoption. Cartagena claims the little help they have gotten from both the NPS and the San Juan government has led to the cat population booming over the last decade."

Major point from this article:

"The lack of data and environmental impact studies was one of the most salient issues raised by activists during the two open houses. The only NPS study done was through feeding cameras over a period of a few months, which Save a Gato claims is not enough to assess if there is an actual cat problem. Multiple activists told Latino Rebels that it was “unconscionable” to outline a plan to remove the cats without any studies that show how removing them would affect the old city.

“Things need to evolve. We don’t need to stay in the past,” said Viviana Busquets, who spends about $800 a week running her own program to neuter cats from Puerto Rico.

She is a huge advocate of TNR and has raised the alarm about the “vacuum effect,” wherein removing cats from an area creates a vacuum leading to another cat colony moving into the space formerly occupied by the first.

Busquets proposes that the NPS change its one-size-fits-all policy to better adapt to the environment of Puerto Rico.

... Many activists, like Busquets, recognize the overpopulation of cats in Old San Juan and are not against removing them if they were to be adopted, but they oppose any plan that would kill cats. They push for all levels of government to work with people living in the community and groups like Save a Gato to help adopt the majority of the cats out of the city.

Old San Juan has been one of the hottest sites for gentrification in Puerto Rico with many of the colonial buildings being bought up by crypto millionaires and other rich foreigners as people who have lived there for decades are unable to deal with rising rent prices. Some view the push to remove the cats as merely an extension of this trend."

[martyrbat]

favorite things - batman: legends of the dark knight #79

[ID: The cover for the above mentioned comic. In it, Batman is framed to be in the center of a wreath as he screams in agony. Surrounding him is fire. Following it is the subtitle page where we see the story's name (Favorite Things) and the creative team that created the story. It's shown with a peek of Gotham's horizon; where snow is elegantly falling in front of towering golden skyscrapers and tall, blue buildings. It settles on the rooftops of the last layer of the city, which consists of older buildings and water towers. A single gargoyle stretches into the panel in front of them all. END ID]

entire comic with ID below cut!

We fall with the snow, bearing witness to several vertical panels of random Gothamites that are outside on this frigid night. An older man clenches his newspaper in shock. A young couple drops the toys they just bought in fright, staring at an approaching golden light. In an alleyway, we see a cat jumping to a new trash lid to get away from what disturbed its rest – a peek of the corrupt far in the background. A young child with their mother points excitedly as their mother is still turnt away.

Finally, we see the cause for such reactions – the speeding, iconically sculpted car that's swerving between traffic effortlessly: the Batmobile!

Bruce Wayne, dressed as Batman, speaks into the extended microphone that's built into the car. He asks, “How's the party, Alfred? Anyone ask why I disappeared?” Alfred Pennyworth is shown talking into a revolving phone, smiling with slight amusement as well-dressed people dance and socialize joyfully in the background. Alfred reports back, “I told them you had urgent business upstairs, Master Bruce.” Bruce asks, “blonde or brunette?” Alfred answers, “Blonde, sir – I gather ‘gentlemen’ prefer them.”

However Bruce is unable to keep his own masquerade, his facade falling instantly. He rhetorically questions, “How could this happen, Alfred? I can't believe it.” Alfred gazes at an overhead window, the glass still shattered from an earlier event. He bon mots, “I'm afraid burglary is not an uncommon problem in Gotham City, Master Bruce. Even with our security. Perhaps we should invest in a large dog with a taste for the criminal classes.” Bruce remains unamused as he presses down even more on the gas pedal. He argues, “This is no joking matter. You know what they took. And you know why I have to get it back.”

He eventually enters a club just to immediately intimidate the party-goers. Underneath the sharp eye of the pink neon lights and glistening disco ball, he threatens, “I've already been to several clubs in Gotham tonight – you may have heard the ambulances. Save yourself some grief. Hand over Eddie Mulligan.” The crowd stares on until Eddie pops out! He announces, “Hi, Bats! Lookin' for me, big guy?”

Batman quips back, “Let's step into your office, Mulligan!” while throwing him through the door for the filthy restroom. He snarls at the two men still at the urinal to leave now as Eddie pleads for them to not leave him with Batman. They leave anyways as Batman yanks Eddie into a dirty stall.

Batman holds him by the collar and his head, forcing his head to hover over a toilet that has surely broken multiple sanitation regulations. He warns, “Talk to me, Eddie! Half of Gotham’s low lives come to you to celebrate a score. I’m after a gang who specialize in robbing big houses. Fill in the blanks or you and that drug store in your jacket are down the toilet.” Eddie swears, “I don’t know nothin', man. On my mother’s life–”

Batman calls out his lie as he shoves his head into the toilet’s bowl. “Your mother died when you were four, Mulligan – try again!” He lifts Eddie’s head, who still insists that he doesn’t know anything. Deciding the waste of time isn’t worth losing the convict’s trail; the Dark Knight storms out of the restroom, leaving the now dirty man on the even dirtier floor as he still murmurs his swears that he doesn’t know who's to blame for the robberies.

Fire blazes around a black bat emblem. We pull from it, revealing the incendiary weapon set to destroy a museum. Police Captain Jim Gordon murmurs, “Madness. Fire-bombing a museum… to call attention to this.” He asks if there's any witnesses to the accompanying cop. He answers, “A woman thought she saw a couple of Joy Boys running away from the blast.”

Gordon turns from the roaring flames and questions, “Joy Boys?” The cop explains, “Weird kid gang, Captain… Crazy about the Joker. Like to show how they hate the Batman, pullin' stunts like this. Or maybe they’re just celebratin' the season. Christmas comin' an' all…” Gordon mutters, “Just when I thought this place couldn’t get any sicker. Madness.”

Snow continues to fall outside a building, glowing signs advertising an adult-only cabaret named ‘Eye Spy’ and the promise of a live stage show inside. A middle-aged blind woman is shown in a brown, thin jacket over a semi-sheer cover that's attached to her short, pink dress. She climbs into a taxi's backseat as the driver teases, “Nice flowers, Tabitha. Got a secret admirer?” She laughs at her friend and tells him, “Hahaha! Not for a long time, Arnie. These're from the Batman. Had them delivered after my show.” He recoils at the revelation! “He's real?! What's he after?” She coyly smiles and dips her nose to the bouquet of red roses. She reminds him, “I got no eyes but I got good ears, Arnie. Batman wants to know what I've heard about these organized break-ins at all the city's plush mansions.” Arnie scoffs, “Typical. Superheroes always look out for the rich g–”

The start of his unimpressed rant is interrupted by a Joy Boy slamming his hand against the window! He and the rest of the Joy Boys have a mask on of the Joker's grinning face and purple jacket with green pants to mimic the villain's suit. He demands for Arnie to get out of the car as more of the posse circle the car. Arnie flees, leaving Tabitha to the mercy of the gang! She calls for him before suddenly being jerked out of the vehicle! She asks in a panic, “Who are you? What have you done to Arnie?” The leader of the gang speaks, “Good evening, madame. I can’t help noticing you’re blind. Never mind, my dear –”. One of the men holding her suddenly punches her, causing her to collapse! The man continues, “there are some things in life it’s best not to see.”

Batman drops down promptly, sending the abusers down into the snow as he lands on them! He growls, “And one has just dropped in on you. Joy Boys… Your choice of role models stinks!” He decks another member as Tabitha asks repeatedly what’s happening. The leader taunts, “You won’t catch me, Bat-slime! I’ve got the fastest legs in Gotham City!” Batman speaks into a hidden voice commander and calls for the Batmobile before muttering the three magic words: finish the job!

The criminal is caught in the glaring headlights of the Batmobile before it automatically drives! The man lets out a blood curdling scream. Batman reassures Tabitha as he helps her up from the snow, “Scared senseless more than hurt. The car caught him at a glancing angle. Let's see if we can salvage any of your flowers.” He cordially keeps an arm wrapped around her upper back and tucks a red rose gently in her blonde hair. “There's one. Pretty as a picture.” She looks up, revealing her bruising eye. She asks, “D-do I really still look pretty, Batman? After all these years?” He smiles down at her. “More than pretty, Tabitha. You look beautiful…” He starts guiding her away from the scene of the attack as he softly prompts her to tell him what she knows about the break-ins.

Afterwards, Bruce is back in the Batmobile as he reports back, “I've got a name, Alfred. Not much else. The outfit's called ‘the Chessmen’. Their leader calls himself ‘King’, apparently.” Alfred comments, “Really? A bit obvious, wouldn't you say, sir?” Bruce snaps, “Everything about them is obvious… except where they are now, dammit!”

Alfred continues ironing Bruce's cape in the Batcave as he calmly notes, “You sound a little erratic, Master Bruce. Might I inquire when you last slept?” He dismisses his surrogate father's concern, promising, “I had a nap, old friend. I feel fine.” But Alfred presses, “Tell the truth and shame the devil!” Finally, Bruce reluctantly confesses, “Two or three days ago. You know I can't sleep, Alfred. Not 'til I get it back.”

He swings onto the roof of GCPD headquarters, where Jim Gordon is already waiting for him next to the Bat-Signal. Gordon informs, “We got an anonymous call. A direct lead to the gang who robbed half the town's mansions.” Batman exclaims, “The Chessmen! Where–?” Gordon sighs. “It's gotten… Complicated. The chief saw headlines. Insisted on a swat team. They messed up. What should have been a simple raid has ended as a hostage situation – Dammit! If he'd left it to my men or you…” Batman at once leaps off the building, having all the information he needs. His cape flares out as he vows, “Leave it to me now, Jim.”

At the scene, we see the SWAT team waiting outside in utility body armour and holding assault rifles. The chief speaks into a megaphone, “Listen up, Chessmen! This is Chief Yeats! Release my two officers and we can negotiate a deal!” The leader of the Chessmen, King, is standing in the window with a handgun pointed at a cop's head. He has the design of the king chess piece tattooed on his forehead and a purple mohawk. He shouts back, “No deals, pig! Take one more step and I blow a hole in this babe's head! I mean it, Yeats! We already wasted her partner!” The second cop lays dead at his feet.

One of the Chessmen with a rook tattoo apprehensively expresses, “This is too much, King. I thought we said no one was gonna get hurt.” King demands, “Shut up, Rook! Do what I say or we're dead men!" A voice from above booms, “You're worse than that – You're mine!” Suddenly Batman drops down while throwing a smoke bomb! He moves in stealth, avoiding the blind, erratic shooting from the panicked men that's trying to kill him and knocking them all unconscious as they scream, “He's on his own–!” “Rush him!” “Can't see him! Where'd he go?” “Over there!” “Blow his head off, Bishop!” He cries out, “He's moving too fast! Like an animal! A damn ani– ungh!” The Caped Crusader takes him down.

The smoke starts to clear, revealing that Batman is the only other man standing as King holds the hostage in front of him. He warns, “Stay back, Batman! We just wanted to rip off some rich guys! Give ourselves a little Christmas present! We didn’t want anyone to get hurt!” Batman growls, “Tell that to the officer down,” as he opens a small department on his belt and clicks a mysterious button.

Suddenly, screeching fills the air before a frenzy of bats burst into the building! King releases the hostage as he immediately gets swarmed by the bats. He screams, “Get them off me! I can’t stand– AAAA! Please! For the love of god! Get them off me!” The bats eventually flee, leaving King on his knees and the reveal that Batman and the hostage are nowhere to be found. He stammers out for his already defeated backup. “Ch-Chessmen? Where are you, Chessmen? K-King under attack.”

Batman suddenly appears, making the obvious pun in his triumphant, “Checkmate, King!” He continues to be unfunny as he shouts, “Game over!" and punches the man, knocking him back on the ground. Batman stands towering over the defeated criminal as he finally gets to demand, “I'm out of patience, King. The loot. Where is it stashed? Talk.”

The bellicostic police chief leads the SWAT men up to where the hostage situation was taking place, warning them to be very careful. They finally reach the floor and burst through the door, announcing, “Police! Freeze!” But to their dismay, they see the five Chessmen tied up on the floor as King hangs upside down above them. Chief Yeats yells, “The damn bat! That damn bat beat us again.”

One of the SWAT officers points out a note attached to King. It reads: ‘Act like a police chief, not a publicity hound, Yeats… or I'll have to act. I won't always have more urgent business like tonight. B.’ — The chief warns the men, “You didn't see this… Get me? But… uh… tell any news teams to throw focus on… uh… the heroic officer-hostages… Hey… It's the holidays, right?”

We join a single father sitting in a squalid apartment with his two little boys. The children sit on the floor in front of a plugged in space heater as they watch a small television that’s sitting on top of a cardboard box. A clothesline hangs over their head as the despondent man sits in front of the window, somberly waiting for the Dark Knight's arrival. Without turning, he addresses Batman. “I knew you’d come. I’ve been waiting here for two days. Thank god it’s over.” The children turn with a shout, pointing at Batman before running to be held by their father.

Batman asks, “You’ve been holding stolen goods. Where are they?” The man answers, “I already gave them back, Batman. Honest.” Batman queries, “You gave them back?” The father bows his head as he confesses, “Yeah. I was paid to stash them until the heat cooled off. But… I couldn’t keep those things. They didn’t belong to me. Don’t throw me in jail, Batman. It was me who tipped off the cops. It was me who told Gordon where they could find the Chessmen.”

Batman gently questions, “Any particular reason?” as the man starts to weep. “I'm not a thief, Batman. I just needed some money to feed my kids. Please, Batman! Please don't throw me in jail! The kids need me, Batman! Little boys shouldn't be left on their own.” The children start to cry and stare up at the Dark Knight as he looks at the cordolium scene. He agrees, “Okay. Just don't do it again.” And with a swoosh of his cape, he's out the door. The father looks up in shock at his agreement but the only evidence of Batman's presence being a roll of hundred dollar bills that's now sitting on top of the table.

At the Wayne Manor, we're in a child's bedroom. Dolls are perched serenely upon a chair. A toy house that'll never become a home lays next to a small rocking horse who's riding days are long gone. In the center of the room is a circular train track, where Bruce Wayne sits in thought. Still half dressed in his costume, he stares at a bright toy train. Alfred softly approaches. “I see you managed to recover it, Master.” Bruce murmurs, “My favorite thing. The last thing they ever gave me, Alfred. The last present from my mother and father… and I almost lost it.”

Alfred reassures him, “Not to worry, Sir. It's safe and sound in your old bedroom now.” Bruce continues to look at the little train. “You're right, old friend. Right as always.” Alfred gently prompts, “It's getting late, Master Bruce. Almost dawn. Time for bed, I think.” Bruce shifts to his knees, finally prying his eyes away from the toy and the memories it holds to look at his lifelong friend. He quietly agrees. “Yes, Alfred. Time for bed.”

We end on a distant view of the Wayne Manor, the ombré pink and purple sky casting a light on the pure white snow. A promise of peace after a restless, cold night.

END ID]

[ace-for-eddie]

Part 4

Eddie and Hopper sat on the porch waiting for Wayne to arrive. 

“Listen Munson. I know we haven’t always been on the best of terms.” Hopper started.

Eddie hummed, feeling himself tense up.

Although Hopper had been instrumental in getting his name cleared of the murder charges, they hadn’t really had many conversations since. And any before usually involved Hopper reciting the Miranda rights and Eddie being shoved into the back of the police car. 

“But uh… while I won’t hesitate to arrest you again.” Hopper pointed his finger in Eddie’s face. The front door swung open as Joyce walked out onto the porch.

Hopper cleared his throat and continued. “I can tell that you’ve grown up a lot, kid. And the shit this town has dumped on you isn’t right. I will do everything I can to help you in this. And if you aren’t sure what to do with this little girl… your little girl, you can… you can always come to me one Dad to another.”

Hopper placed a strong hand on Eddie’s shoulder, sniffed then nodded before walking back inside.

Eddie was stunned and simply nodded in shock. 

Today was getting weirder and weirder, and given Eddie’s standard, this was next level intense. 

Joyce smiled warmly and took Hopper’s place pacing a soft hand on his shoulder. “It’s going to be okay.”

He took a deep breath, “...okay.”

Wayne arrived in his beat up pickup concerned that Eddie was sick, hurt or had gotten into trouble somehow. He was not expecting the news that he was basically a grandfather.

He teared up a little, then started laughing. Loud. 

“Shit Eds, I didn’t think you…” he stopped realizing Joyce Byers was beside them. “I didn’t think that girl… was your type,” giving Eddie a knowing look.

Eddie huffed a laugh. “She wasn’t. But I was still figuring things out 3 years ago. And it’s okay Ms… I mean Joyce already knows I’m gay. She’s safe.” 

Wayne smiled at Joyce. “Thank you for being here for my boy Ms. Joyce.”

“Of course! It takes a village right?” She smiled. 

“Speaking of which. When can I meet my grandbaby?” He asked. “Is it okay if…if I call her my grandbaby?”

“Wayne, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” Eddie smiled and hugged his uncle. “You’re gonna love her. She’s amazing…” Eddie led the way to introduce Evelyn to her Grand-deddie Wayne. 

Of course, Wayne instantly fell in love with the sweet child, reading her another book as she nuzzled against his side on the couch.

Eddie found El and Will at the table in the small kitchen and pulled up a chair.

“Hey guys, uh thanks for helping so much. Wow, this is so weird.” He ran his fingers through his hair. 

“She is very sweet. And she likes you a lot. You are a good Dad Eddie.” El smiled. 

He just smiled and stared at the table. “Thanks Supergirl.”

“Have you told anyone else?” Will asked curiously.

“Uh…no not yet. Please don’t tell anyone though okay? I want it to come from me.”

“Of course. It’s not our story to tell.” Will smiled at Eddie using the same phrase Eddie had used when Will came out to him in recent months. Eddie offered to be there to talk if he ever needed anything. He knew how hard it could be to be gay in such a close minded town. 

“I should probably tell Henderson soon though, so he doesn’t shit himself if everyone else knows first.” Eddie sighed. “Can I use your phone?” 

“Of course.” Will stated.

“Are you going to tell him on the phone?” El asked.

“Yeah, why not?”

“It seems like something to tell friends in person.” She replied. 

“Uh… yeah I guess so. I’ll see if he can come over.” Eddie didn’t know if he’d have the energy to deal with Dustin Henderson and a toddler today, but figured it would be worse to wait.

The phone rang a few times before Claudia answered and brought Dustin to the phone. Eddie invited him to come over to the Hopper-Byers house and waited on the porch with Will.

While Eleven and Joyce took to washing Evelyn’s clothing which reeked of smoke and something like cat urine. Joyce threw some of the pieces away immediately and decided she’d be making a trip to the children’s section at Goodwill the following day. 

Dustin Henderson was dropped off at the cabin and took the steps two at a time.

“So what is so important you need to meet me at Hopper’s cabin?” Dustin rolled his eyes.

“Well, Henderson. I just wanted to congratulate you on becoming an uncle.” Eddie smiled his snarky grin while Will tried not to laugh and choke on the soda he was drinking.

“Eddie, what the hell are you talking about? I’m an only child.”

“Ouch man, didn’t know you thought so low of me. Wow. Okay nevermind.” Eddie put his hands up in defense.

“Oh, well, yeah you’re like my brother. But what do you mean… uncle? Did you get a dog or something?”

“Ew, no. That’s too much responsibility.” Eddie grimaced. “I got a kid.”

“You got a kid?”

“I got a kid.”

“Where did you get a kid Eddie?” Dustin was starting to get tired of this bullshit.

“Well DustyBun, when a guy and a girl…” Eddie started and Will just about fell off his chair.

“Shut up. What the hell did you drag me out here for?” Dustin stomped.

“No, I wanted to tell you I have a kid. A daughter actually. Her name is Evelyn.” Eddie beamed. 

“You’re… you’re serious.” Dustin started to smile. Eddie nodded.

“How? When?”

“That’s a longer story…” Will stated from behind Eddie. “Sit down.” 

Dustin peeked through the cabin window to see Eddie’s uncle Wayne sitting on the couch napping with a toddler and his eyes grew incredibly wide along with his smile.

“You want me to be… her uncle?” He teared up.“Yeah, man. Just feels right.”

“Holy shit…tell me everything.” Dustin plopped down to hear about Eddie’s news.

[puppyexpressions]

Is it Safe For Dogs To Drink From Puddles?

From personal experience, there are two inevitabilities of dog ownership. The first is that, at some point, you will step out for a walk and forget to take water for your dog. The second is that your dog is always happy to stick its nose into the smelliest thing around. So you have a thirsty dog, and there is a murky, stinky puddle over there? Bingo, problem solved. Or is it? What are the health risks to your pet from drinking from puddles?

The bugs that lurk (in the puddle)

Surely the worst that can happen from picking a bug up from a puddle is an upset tummy? Well, possibly. But given the most likely cause of this upset tummy is Giardia, and it is one of the most common causes of acute gastroenteritis in humans and animals. Apart from being very unpleasant for your pet (and for you cleaning up), Giardia can be quite difficult to treat. It is also not uncommon for a pet to have repeat bouts after they have recovered from the first one. Even worse, it is a zoonosis, which means it can potentially be transmitted from pets to their owners. Fortunately, it looks like this is rare in reality, which is a silver lining.

Then there is leptospirosis, also known as “Weils’s disease”.

That’s the one that your dog catches from rat urine, which can contaminate stagnant water. It is a serious bacterial infection that can cause liver and kidney failure. Dogs can contract it through contact with water contaminated by infected urine.  It can be pretty tricky to diagnose and very difficult to treat. Worse still, it is also a zoonosis. However, pet to owner transmission is probably very rare, with people most commonly contracting it through swimming or water sports in contaminated water bodies. It should be mentioned that leptospirosis in dogs is uncommon in the UK; this may be due to vaccination (none of the affected dogs in one study was vaccinated) or underdiagnosis.

The new puddle-lurking nasty on the block is Angiostrongylus Vasorum, AKA Lungworm or French Heartworm.

Infections in pet dogs by this unpleasant parasite have become increasingly common in the UK over the last two decades, particularly in the South East and Wales. Lungworm can cause lung disease, bleeding problems and neurological disease. It was previously thought to be transmitted by dogs eating slugs and snails. More recently, evidence has suggested that gastropods shed the parasite in the environment, and dogs can be infected by drinking contaminated water.

And what about the toxins on your doorstep? A tale for all seasons.

Even that harmless-looking puddles around your home could be life-threatening. Ethylene glycol is a commonly used ingredient in antifreeze products used in cars. It can easily leak from parked vehicles to contaminate puddle water. It’s highly toxic to dogs and cats, and only a small amount needs to be ingested to be fatal as it causes kidney failure. It has a sweet smell which means it is readily licked by dogs. Every year, sadly, several dogs (and even more cats) die in the UK after ingestion of ethylene glycol. As an antifreeze product, this risk is higher during the winter months.

Then there is the danger of blue-green algae blooms caused by cyanobacteria. This natural phenomenon occurs most commonly during the summer months when the perfect conditions for explosive algal growth are most likely. The toxins produced by these blooms are dangerous to humans and dogs when ingested. Blue-green algae can often be visible by a blue-green foamy scum on the water’s surface. The local authority will put up prominent warning signs at times of high risk. It is imperative to keep your dog on the lead and out of the water when these signs are up. If your dog does somehow get into the water, it is recommended to take them directly to the vet for decontamination as toxic signs (tummy upset, tremors, wobbly gait, seizures) can start within an hour of exposure.

And then there is the bigger picture…

As with all issues environmental, the concern about environmental pollution is increasingly coming to the fore. Pesticides, herbicides to pharmaceutical residues and hormones, from agricultural, industrial and domestic use affect wildlife and the environment, and our understanding of how this happens is improving all the time. With that comes the realization that there is also a knock-on risk to our health and our pets. Yet still, the environmental levels of surprisingly few of these polluting substances are monitored. So exactly what, if anything, and how much of it ends up in your average puddle is unknown and, for this reason, drinking from puddles is generally not recommended.

My dog has been drinking from puddles for years, and she’s okay. What is the risk, really?

From reading this article, you would not be blamed for thinking that all puddles glowed fluorescent green and that it comes across as a bit alarmist. And you would be right. Most likely, a quick slurp from a puddle will do your pet no harm. Indeed, there is no need to contact your vet when your pet does so unless there are specific circumstances, like known blue-green algae risk or ethylene glycol exposure. What this article attempts to do is describe some of the potential harms of drinking from puddles. The trick is to take precautionary measures to minimize the risk, such as ensuring your pet is fully vaccinated and protected against lungworm if they insist on splashing through puddles. But the safest precaution of all is to always carry drinking water for your pet.

[moonlight26posts-blog]

EMERGENCY IN BALTIMORE CO., MD

Rescue needed to take Chicken in, after being hit by a car.

Friends of Baltimore County Dogs is doing a fundraiser to help any shelter approved rescue with medical expenses for Chicken.

FOBCD will match up to $300 in donations.

funds to go directly to vet for Chicken’s care. If for some reason money isn’t used for Chicken it will passed on to future dogs in need. There is always another medically needy dog around the corner.

do not send money anywhere else except to the PayPal Giving Fund link provided. If given a space to comment, please write FOR CHICKEN.

we will update you on this post about Chicken. Donation link to be used- paypal.com/us/fundraiser/charity/3724961

Baltimore County Animal Services is seeking URGENT rescue placement for Chicken, a 2-year-old Pit Bull mix weighing 57lbs. Chicken was surrendered to BCAS after having been hit by a car and the owner could not afford medical care.

Her right hind leg is fractured, although no radiographs have been performed to diagnose the severity and location of the fracture. On physical examination, she is able to bear weight on her left hind leg, indicating that she may be a good candidate for an amputation. Radiographs would confirm that her pelvis is intact and able to support her weight post-surgery.

In addition to her fractured hind leg, she is also urinating blood, which is concerning for internal injuries. Imaging such as ultrasound and bloodwork may be necessary to diagnose the severity of internal injuries and determine if she is stable enough for anesthesia. Damage to her liver, kidneys, or spleen may result in complications with anesthesia and can lead to death. Please follow up with your regular veterinarian or an emergency facility for further diagnostic and treatment

Chicken is currently on pain medications and has a Fentanyl patch in place. We’re hoping for a rescue to take her immediately to give her the treatment she needs. BCAS is willing to complete amputation surgery at a later time when Chicken is stable for anesthesia.

She did well with dogs, cats and children while in the owner’s care. In the shelter she has been wary of other dogs when passing by their kennels. If you are interested in pulling Chicken, or have any questions, please let us know!

BCASrescue@baltimorecountymd.gov 410-887-7297