#Company Owned Dealer Operated

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Cleantech has an enshittification problem

On July 14, I'm giving the closing keynote for the fifteenth HACKERS ON PLANET EARTH, in QUEENS, NY. Happy Bastille Day! On July 20, I'm appearing in CHICAGO at Exile in Bookville.

EVs won't save the planet. Ultimately, the material bill for billions of individual vehicles and the unavoidable geometry of more cars-more traffic-more roads-greater distances-more cars dictate that the future of our cities and planet requires public transit – lots of it.

But no matter how much public transit we install, there's always going to be some personal vehicles on the road, and not just bikes, ebikes and scooters. Between deliveries, accessibility, and stubbornly low-density regions, there's going to be a lot of cars, vans and trucks on the road for the foreseeable future, and these should be electric.

Beyond that irreducible minimum of personal vehicles, there's the fact that individuals can't install their own public transit system; in places that lack the political will or means to create working transit, EVs are a way for people to significantly reduce their personal emissions.

In policy circles, EV adoption is treated as a logistical and financial issue, so governments have focused on making EVs affordable and increasing the density of charging stations. As an EV owner, I can affirm that affordability and logistics were important concerns when we were shopping for a car.

But there's a third EV problem that is almost entirely off policy radar: enshittification.

An EV is a rolling computer in a fancy case with a squishy person inside of it. While this can sound scary, there are lots of cool implications for this. For example, your EV could download your local power company's tariff schedule and preferentially charge itself when the rates are lowest; they could also coordinate with the utility to reduce charging when loads are peaking. You can start them with your phone. Your repair technician can run extensive remote diagnostics on them and help you solve many problems from the road. New features can be delivered over the air.

That's just for starters, but there's so much more in the future. After all, the signal virtue of a digital computer is its flexibility. The only computer we know how to make is the Turing complete, universal, Von Neumann machine, which can run every valid program. If a feature is computationally tractable – from automated parallel parking to advanced collision prevention – it can run on a car.

The problem is that this digital flexibility presents a moral hazard to EV manufacturers. EVs are designed to make any kind of unauthorized, owner-selected modification into an IP rights violation ("IP" in this case is "any law that lets me control the conduct of my customers or competitors"):

https://locusmag.com/2020/09/cory-doctorow-ip/

EVs are also designed so that the manufacturer can unilaterally exert control over them or alter their operation. EVs – even more than conventional vehicles – are designed to be remotely killswitched in order to help manufacturers and dealers pressure people into paying their car notes on time:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/24/rent-to-pwn/#kitt-is-a-demon

Manufacturers can reach into your car and change how much of your battery you can access:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/edison-not-tesla/#demon-haunted-world

They can lock your car and have it send its location to a repo man, then greet him by blinking its lights, honking its horn, and pulling out of its parking space:

https://tiremeetsroad.com/2021/03/18/tesla-allegedly-remotely-unlocks-model-3-owners-car-uses-smart-summon-to-help-repo-agent/

And of course, they can detect when you've asked independent mechanic to service your car and then punish you by degrading its functionality:

https://www.repairerdrivennews.com/2024/06/26/two-of-eight-claims-in-tesla-anti-trust-lawsuit-will-move-forward/

This is "twiddling" – unilaterally and irreversibly altering the functionality of a product or service, secure in the knowledge that IP law will prevent anyone from twiddling back by restoring the gadget to a preferred configuration:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/02/19/twiddler/

The thing is, for an EV, twiddling is the best case scenario. As bad as it is for the company that made your EV to change how it works whenever they feel like picking your pocket, that's infinitely preferable to the manufacturer going bankrupt and bricking your car.

That's what just happened to owners of Fisker EVs, cars that cost $40-70k. Cars are long-term purchases. An EV should last 12-20 years, or even longer if you pay to swap the battery pack. Fisker was founded in 2016 and shipped its first Ocean SUV in 2023. The company is now bankrupt:

https://insideevs.com/news/723669/fisker-inc-bankruptcy-chapter-11-official/

Fisker called its vehicles "software-based cars" and they weren't kidding. Without continuous software updates and server access, those Fisker Ocean SUVs are turning into bricks. What's more, the company designed the car from the ground up to make any kind of independent service and support into a felony, by wrapping the whole thing in overlapping layers of IP. That means that no one can step in with a module that jailbreaks the Fisker and drops in an alternative firmware that will keep the fleet rolling.

This is the third EV risk – not just finance, not just charger infrastructure, but the possibility that any whizzy, cool new EV company will go bust and brick your $70k cleantech investment, irreversibly transforming your car into 5,500 lb worth of e-waste.

This confers a huge advantage onto the big automakers like VW, Kia, Ford, etc. Tesla gets a pass, too, because it achieved critical mass before people started to wise up to the risk of twiddling and bricking. If you're making a serious investment in a product you expect to use for 20 years, are you really gonna buy it from a two-year old startup with six months' capital in the bank?

The incumbency advantage here means that the big automakers won't have any reason to sink a lot of money into R&D, because they won't have to worry about hungry startups with cool new ideas eating their lunches. They can maintain the cozy cartel that has seen cars stagnate for decades, with the majority of "innovation" taking the form of shitty, extractive and ill-starred ideas like touchscreen controls and an accelerator pedal that you have to rent by the month:

https://www.theverge.com/2022/11/23/23474969/mercedes-car-subscription-faster-acceleration-feature-price

Put that way, it's clear that this isn't an EV problem, it's a cleantech problem. Cleantech has all the problems of EVs: it requires a large capital expenditure, it will be "smart," and it is expected to last for decades. That's rooftop solar, heat-pumps, smart thermostat sensor arrays, and home storage batteries.

And just as with EVs, policymakers have focused on infrastructure and affordability without paying any attention to the enshittification risks. Your rooftop solar will likely be controlled via a Solaredge box – a terrible technology that stops working if it can't reach the internet for a protracted period (that's right, your home solar stops working if the grid fails!).

I found this out the hard way during the covid lockdowns, when Solaredge terminated its 3G cellular contract and notified me that I would have to replace the modem in my system or it would stop working. This was at the height of the supply-chain crisis and there was a long waiting list for any replacement modems, with wifi cards (that used your home internet rather than a cellular connection) completely sold out for most of a year.

There are good reasons to connect rooftop solar arrays to the internet – it's not just so that Solaredge can enshittify my service. Solar arrays that coordinate with the grid can make it much easier and safer to manage a grid that was designed for centralized power production and is being retrofitted for distributed generation, one roof at a time.

But when the imperatives of extraction and efficiency go to war, extraction always wins. After all, the Solaredge system is already in place and solar installers are largely ignorant of, and indifferent to, the reasons that a homeowner might want to directly control and monitor their system via local controls that don't roundtrip through the cloud.

Somewhere in the hindbrain of any prospective solar purchaser is the experience with bricked and enshittified "smart" gadgets, and the knowledge that anything they buy from a cool startup with lots of great ideas for improving production, monitoring, and/or costs poses the risk of having your 20 year investment bricked after just a few years – and, thanks to the extractive imperative, no one will be able to step in and restore your ex-solar array to good working order.

I make the majority of my living from books, which means that my pay is very "lumpy" – I get large sums when I publish a book and very little in between. For many years, I've used these payments to make big purchases, rather than financing them over long periods where I can't predict my income. We've used my book payments to put in solar, then an induction stove, then a battery. We used one to buy out the lease on our EV. And just a month ago, we used the money from my upcoming Enshittification book to put in a heat pump (with enough left over to pay for a pair of long-overdue cataract surgeries, scheduled for the fall).

When we started shopping for heat pumps, it was clear that this was a very exciting sector. First of all, heat pumps are kind of magic, so efficient and effective it's almost surreal. But beyond the basic tech – which has been around since the late 1940s – there is a vast ferment of cool digital features coming from exciting and innovative startups.

By nature, I'm the kid of person who likes these digital features. I started out as a computer programmer, and while I haven't written production code since the previous millennium, I've been in and around the tech industry for my whole adult life. But when it came time to buy a heat-pump – an investment that I expected to last for 20 years or more – there was no way I was going to buy one of these cool new digitally enhanced pumps, no matter how much the reviewers loved them. Sure, they'd work well, but it's precisely because I'm so knowledgeable about high tech that I could see that they would fail very, very badly.

You may think EVs are bullshit, and they are – though there will always be room for some personal vehicles, and it's better for people in transit deserts to drive EVs than gas-guzzlers. You may think rooftop solar is a dead-end and be all-in on utility scale solar (I think we need both, especially given the grid-disrupting extreme climate events on our horizon). But there's still a wide range of cleantech – induction tops, heat pumps, smart thermostats – that are capital intensive, have a long duty cycle, and have good reasons to be digitized and networked.

Take home storage batteries: your utility can push its rate card to your battery every time they change their prices, and your battery can use that information to decide when to let your house tap into the grid, and when to switch over to powering your home with the solar you've stored up during the day. This is a very old and proven pattern in tech: the old Fidonet BBS network used a version of this, with each BBS timing its calls to other nodes to coincide with the cheapest long-distance rates, so that messages for distant systems could be passed on:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FidoNet

Cleantech is a very dynamic sector, even if its triumphs are largely unheralded. There's a quiet revolution underway in generation, storage and transmission of renewable power, and a complimentary revolution in power-consumption in vehicles and homes:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/12/s-curve/#anything-that-cant-go-on-forever-eventually-stops

But cleantech is too important to leave to the incumbents, who are addicted to enshittification and planned obsolescence. These giant, financialized firms lack the discipline and culture to make products that have the features – and cost savings – to make them appealing to the very wide range of buyers who must transition as soon as possible, for the sake of the very planet.

It's not enough for our policymakers to focus on financing and infrastructure barriers to cleantech adoption. We also need a policy-level response to enshittification.

Ideally, every cleantech device would be designed so that it was impossible to enshittify – which would also make it impossible to brick:

Based on free software (best), or with source code escrowed with a trustee who must release the code if the company enters administration (distant second-best);

All patents in a royalty-free patent-pool (best); or in a trust that will release them into a royalty-free pool if the company enters administration (distant second-best);

No parts-pairing or other DRM permitted (best); or with parts-pairing utilities available to all parties on a reasonable and non-discriminatory basis (distant second-best);

All diagnostic and error codes in the public domain, with all codes in the clear within the device (best); or with decoding utilities available on demand to all comers on a reasonable and non-discriminatory basis (distant second-best).

There's an obvious business objection to this: it will reduce investment in innovative cleantech because investors will perceive these restrictions as limits on the expected profits of their portfolio companies. It's true: these measures are designed to prevent rent-extraction and other enshittificatory practices by cleantech companies, and to the extent that investors are counting on enshittification rents, this might prevent them from investing.

But that has to be balanced against the way that a general prohibition on enshittificatory practices will inspire consumer confidence in innovative and novel cleantech products, because buyers will know that their investments will be protected over the whole expected lifespan of the product, even if the startup goes bust (nearly every startup goes bust). These measures mean that a company with a cool product will have a much larger customer-base to sell to. Those additional sales more than offset the loss of expected revenue from cheating and screwing your customers by twiddling them to death.

There's also an obvious legal objection to this: creating these policies will require a huge amount of action from Congress and the executive branch, a whole whack of new rules and laws to make them happen, and each will attract court-challenges.

That's also true, though it shouldn't stop us from trying to get legal reforms. As a matter of public policy, it's terrible and fucked up that companies can enshittify the things we buy and leave us with no remedy.

However, we don't have to wait for legal reform to make this work. We can take a shortcut with procurement – the things governments buy with public money. The feds, the states and localities buy a lot of cleantech: for public facilities, for public housing, for public use. Prudent public policy dictates that governments should refuse to buy any tech unless it is designed to be enshittification-resistant.

This is an old and honorable tradition in policymaking. Lincoln insisted that the rifles he bought for the Union Army come with interoperable tooling and ammo, for obvious reasons. No one wants to be the Commander in Chief who shows up on the battlefield and says, "Sorry, boys, war's postponed, our sole supplier decided to stop making ammunition."

By creating a market for enshittification-proof cleantech, governments can ensure that the public always has the option of buying an EV that can't be bricked even if the maker goes bust, a heat-pump whose digital features can be replaced or maintained by a third party of your choosing, a solar controller that coordinates with the grid in ways that serve their owners – not the manufacturers' shareholders.

We're going to have to change a lot to survive the coming years. Sure, there's a lot of scary ways that things can go wrong, but there's plenty about our world that should change, and plenty of ways those changes could be for the better. It's not enough for policymakers to focus on ensuring that we can afford to buy whatever badly thought-through, extractive tech the biggest companies want to foist on us – we also need a focus on making cleantech fit for purpose, truly smart, reliable and resilient.

Support me this summer on the Clarion Write-A-Thon and help raise money for the Clarion Science Fiction and Fantasy Writers' Workshop!

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2024/06/26/unplanned-obsolescence/#better-micetraps

Image: 臺灣古寫真上色 (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Raid_on_Kagi_City_1945.jpg

Grendelkhan (modified) https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:Ground_mounted_solar_panels.gk.jpg

CC BY-SA 4.0 https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by-sa/4.0/deed.en

[reality-detective]

Patriots in the Netherlands are walking the streets dropping flyers at the homes of citizens in hopes of awakening the people. According to Rem64 it is having great success. He sent me the flyer and I translated it to English so everyone can read it. 👇

Message to the population The information below is distributed worldwide by hundreds of scientific, legal and political organizations to inform humanity. Evidence for the stated facts can be found in the detailed evidence reports on StopWorldControl.com

The World Economic Forum wants to shape your life The world's richest come together at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. The founder of the WEF, Klaus Schwab, is known for statements such as: We determine the future and We infiltrate governments. The WEF trains Young Global Leaders who are positioned in governments around the world. French President Macron, Canadian Prime Minister Trudeau and German Chancellor Merkel are Young Global Leaders of the WEF. The Netherlands and Belgium also work closely with the WEF and serve their agenda. Part of this agenda is to replace privacy with transparency. They want every detail of your life to be known soon: what you do, who you meet with, what you eat, what you buy... The WEF announces that new technologies will record everyone's thoughts, feelings and dreams in the cloud , where governments have access to this intimate data. To combat climate change, the WEF wants to abolish all private property. You will have to rent everything: houses, cars, work tools, etc. The WEF calls for blocking sunlight by massively releasing chemicals into the air. The WEF encourages the normalization of pedophilia, while the UN and WHO instruct all schools to teach sexual techniques to small children in kindergarten, so that they start having sex as young as possible, with people of any age or gender. As absurd as these plans sound, they are promoted by the WEF, the UN, the EU, the WHO and companies such as. Google and Facebook. They are part of the sustainability goals of Agenda 2030, which are supported by governments worldwide. All evidence of this can be found on StopWorldControl.com

The World Health Organization wants to rule the world The World Health Organization is being legally restructured as an effective global dictatorship, able to impose binding mandates on all countries whenever they declare a pandemic. However, the WHO is a private organization that operates outside any democratic process. One of the WHO's main backers is Bill Gates, who has no medical training whatsoever, yet is promoted as the medical authority around the world. As the world's largest vaccine dealer, his health advice is to inject everyone all the time, making him billions of dollars. WHO Director-General Tedros Ghebreyesus also has no medical training. Yet Gates and Tedros dictate to all the millions of medical experts worldwide what they can and cannot do. Article 18 of the proposed Pandemic Treaty allows the WHO to shut down any source of information that does not align with what they want all of humanity to believe. This means censoring millions of experts in every field. Only what the WHO and Bill Gates say should be heard. Do you want undemocratic organizations to become dictators over your life and over all humanity? Do you want all objective scientific and medical information to be hidden so that you only hear what a single private institution wants you to believe? Do you want to be forced to receive dangerous injections for the rest of your life, without being informed about the risks? If you do not agree with this course of action, we invite you to inform yourself carefully at StopWorldControl.com

The news is determined by investors Many people do not know that all major news agencies are owned by a small group of investors, who determine what can be said in the news. In addition, billionaires such as Bill Gates and George Soros donate hundreds of millions of euros to news organizations around the world, to determine what they broadcast Udo Ulfkotte, an editor at one of the largest newspapers in the world, the Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung which is published in 148 countries well-known I have been a journalist for 25 years and I have been trained to lie, betray and never tell the public the truth, journalists) are being bribed worldwide by the CIA, billionaires and governments to manipulate the public The world's best-known political commentator, Tucker Carlson, she The news you consume is a lie of the most insidious kind CNN technical director Charlie Chester said: There is no such thing as objective news. All newsreaders are told what to say. He admitted that CNN deliberately creates fear to manipulate their viewers, whether it is about a pandemic or climate change. Texts from Matt Hancock, British Health Secretary, read: We are making everyone scared? The World Economic Forum, the World Health Organization, the United Nations and the European Union, which are owned by the same financial entities that control the news, are calling on governments worldwide to censor any information that does not follow their narrative. Any investigation that exposes their criminal operations should be labeled conspiracy theory or disinformation.

Vital information is hidden Thousands of scientists, doctors and medical organizations are sounding the alarm as millions of people have died and hundreds of millions of people have been disabled after being injected with the experimental vaccines for COVID-19. Data from the US CDC shows that in the US alone, one and a half million people suffered from side effects including death, stroke, heart failure, brain disorders, convulsions, life-threatening allergic reactions, autoimmune diseases, arthritis, miscarriage, infertility, rapid onset muscle weakness, deafness, blindness, etc. Worldwide there is an explosion of turbo cancer and sudden death. Harvard Pilgrim Health Care's famous Lazarus report revealed that overall, only 19% of vaccine side effects are reported. According to this study, the number of adverse events and deaths must be multiplied by a factor of 100 to understand the true prevalence of serious vaccine injuries. COVID-19 has a 99.7% survival rate, comparable to the seasonal flu, and there are many effective medications, such as hydroxychloroquine, ivermectin, budesonide, chlorine dioxide and many more. These have hardly any side effects, are completely safe and available everywhere in the world. This means that no vaccine is needed. However, the WHO instructed governments worldwide to ban these drugs for the treatment of corona and to censor any doctor who spoke about it, that vaccines are the only answer.

What's going on in the world? Why are governments controlled by private institutions like the WEF and WHO? Why is vital information hidden? These are not conspiracy theories as claimed, but facts that can be verified on the international website StopWorldControl.com. We work with world leaders in the fields of law, science, medical care, journalism and politics. Our network consists of more than 100 organizations that jointly inform humanity. They include Nobel laureates, presidents and presidential candidates, former generals of the US army, organizations of police officers and investigators, as well as top officials of the United Nations, the World Health Organization and the European Union. We encourage every right-thinking person to inform themselves carefully Visit the website StopWorldControl.com Pass this flyer on to others.

Stand Strong! Stand United! Be Prepared!

✨ 🛡️ 🇳🇱 WWG1WGA 🇺🇸 ⚔️ ✨

[sgiandubh]

When clueless, silence is golden

I was just browsing around while looking for something completely different and stumbled upon this quintessential Mordorian POV:

Disclosing a username is crass and I usually never do this, unless really necessary and relevant. So spare me the ad hominem argument you usually fumble around with, Disgruntled Tumblrettes. Yet, for all its intellectual paucity, this is interesting dissection material, since clearly this person hasn't got the slightest idea of what she is so confidently talking about.

First scenario at play: The Tasting Alliance, 'a company no one has ever heard of', booked and paid for the suite.

Not necessarily booked, nor necessarily paid, madam. In the real business world you are so clueless about, these arrangements are seldom - if ever - monetized. It's rather all about barter.

That company no one ever heard about - except, perhaps, #silly and totally irrelevant Forbes (https://www.forbes.com/sites/joemicallef/2023/04/13/the-tasting-alliance-and-reserve-bar-are-set-to-launch-top-shelf/?sh=b45f7085f6f1) - is the parent company of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition (SFWSC), largely acknowledged as at least one of, if not the world's leading spirits award contest. Google is your friend, you should try it some time:

The operative info here is that this evaluation comes from the Beverage Trade Network, a professional portal for spirit dealers. Having determined this, Tasting Alliance's IG number of followers is completely irrelevant, since we are talking about two very different targets, here. Its real leverage and weight on the global market does not really need the boost of an aggressive social media presence and the kind of events it hosts are not your favorite junior hockey league or elementary school cake and bake sale.

Let's look a bit further. It takes one click to get on the Tasting Alliance's website (https://thetastingalliance.com/). Granted, not all the information you need to understand its business model is right there and I had to go dig a bit (not without some help - merci encore!) to even get a grip on how these wheels are really turning.

The way they sell themselves is sober and confident. And completely disinterested in social media impact, to be honest:

So, in lieu of glitz and sequined bras, we have a success story in its own right, which started in Frisco in 1980, then continued in 2000, with the addition of the San Francisco World Spirits Competition. Further expansion followed in 2018, with the New York World Wine & Spirits Competition and 2019, when Dias Blue set a firm foot on the emerging Asian market, with the Singapore World Spirits Competition.

I doubt an explanatory drawing is needed as to the why of this expansion choice: it's all about baijiu, the old/new Chinese sorghum spirit and the everlasting love of the Far East for anything fermented. Lao-lao, the unspeakable Laotian homemade rice whisky, comes immediately to the mind of this blogger: the last bottle I saw, somewhere along the unexploded ordnance ridden Route 13, had a plump snake inside, as a naïve Viagra of sorts. Took a mouthful and thought I was going to die - but when spending the night in a longhouse with the Tai Lü people, you can't afford a faux-pas, can you? /end of travel memories intermezzo

By all my estimations, The Tasting Alliance is very profitable business. Let's unpack ( for current fees, see source: https://callingallcontestants.com/contest/2023-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition/):

Considering the 500 USD fee /entry (550, in 2023) in the competition and the fact that in 2022 there were approximately 5000 entries in the Frisco spirits' competition, we have a very rough turnover estimation of 500x5000= 2.5 million USD. That figure is just for one of the spirits competitions, mind you, and does not take into account what the winners probably pay for the right to mention their medals on their bottles (I am yet to see them on the SS gin bottles, btw), nor the multiple sidekick profit (e-shop sales, consulting and/or other distribution deals, etc). So, at the end of the day, I would comfortably multiply that base by 4, assuming a similar scale for all the other events they organize, which takes the yearly turnover at around 10 million USD and keeping in mind this is very probably a conservative estimation. I also assume costs are negligible, taking into account the discretion with which major players traditionally operate on that particular niche. Real expenses are probably limited to the activity of a handful of offices, sparingly and intelligently staffed. Advertisement is probably bartered and social media, well... you just saw the effort, haven't you?

But then there's the brand's real power on that market and this is the right time to talk about influence and impact. Perhaps this recent (2021) Men's Journal article will help us see better: https://www.mensjournal.com/food-drink/inside-the-san-francisco-world-spirits-competition

With a bit of luck, this could happen:

Sounds familiar? Of course and I bet that was S's strategy. If you imagined him doing the same exhausting booze tour every year (groping on top and seriously cringe on the sides), I think you might want to reconsider. I told you Sassenach Summer was a sandbox for more serious things to come and until now I have no reasons to change my mind. He did it for a reason and, mind you, that reason is not that the booze did or does not sell. It does. Restaurants start to feature it. Podcasts are being produced. The press starts to mention it (that recent New York Times article is evidence enough). This is not Lucky Luciano dealing in bootleg alcohol during the Prohibition and making obscene money over a fortnight. This is a serious business project that was delayed by COVID. That's all. And it takes time and patience and consistence. We know he has all those aplenty.

We also have the totally inane take on production costs for that podcast. It suddenly made me remember again my media expert past. It is with complete and educated confidence that I tell you: a potential 5K USD extra cost for renting that damn suite for the day is peanuts, even for a two-minute clip (let alone, in reality, a podcast interview, and I stand corrected if wrong), if such costs are covered by The Tasting Alliance. But my money is on a barter with The Shutters on the Beach, which would be, again, common business practice.

Second scenario: 'Shutters comped the room for free promo (...) for an actor most people haven't heard of.' You can throw timelines down my throat as many times as you wish and tell me he already stayed there several times and yell and screech, but here is what I think. Shutters didn't comp that suite for S, an actor most people haven't heard of, a decent, hard working start-up entrepreneur. If so (I doubt it), it would be logical to think Shutters comped that suite for The Tasting Alliance, which has a long documented history of partnerships with hotels that host their competitions:

So Shutters might have comped that room for a major player of the alcohol lobby world, happy that S, a returning client, picked them out of several possible options, because it was convenient. I don't believe for a second he stayed there.

This guy knows what he's doing and C's gin success completely depends and I bet will rely on that relentless networking effort. If anything, the Keepers of the Quaich recent development is only confirmation of all the above. But that's another story - very soon on this page.

IYKYK. The rest is uneducated cackle. But Mordor people were never the brightest bulbs in the fandom's chandelier, were they?

[maleficentmrsofallevil]

In a hole; still digging

Something I didn't mention in two prior posts about Luts: as I've said (ad nauseum), I've been a BJD collector for a few years now. With BJD collecting, there's a lot of - let's call it opaqueness. Den of Angels used to be the foremost authority on all things BJD, and honestly, while there have been tons of theories as to why the forum has lost popularity, I would point to one major factor: when image hosting stopped being free on Photobucket. Seems like as soon as Photobucket ended that particular perk, folks moved to free spaces like Instagram.

But I digress. The point is - this is a seriously niche hobby, and information is thin on the ground. Sometimes, you have to take clues from patterns you see, and after collecting for a few years, I've learned to view deviations from those patterns with a bit of suspicion.

For example: when a company only shows pictures of a doll's face fully painted (no blank photos), and the face is always pointed downwards, I will no longer buy. I need to see front and side/profile pictures of the blank sculpt. Otherwise, I'll get a head with a jarring feature (usually a poorly sculpted nose) that I do NOT like.

If the doll is always dressed, or posed with fancy fabric or props that conceal the joints (especially the knees), I will no longer buy. Chances are decent I'm going to get a doll that doesn't pose well.

Another pattern I've noticed is that the big, established companies tend to sell only their own dolls, and no one else's. Some examples:

Fairyland

Iplehouse:

Dreaming Doll:

There are two reasons I never ordered a doll directly from Luts. 1) There wasn't a sculpt that I just had to have, and damn the consequences (i.e., price).

2) I hesitated because...:

Luts has a "Brand Doll" tab that looks like a doll dealer tab. That's a LOT of brands that aren't Luts. I've seen doll dealers that carry fewer brands.

One of the things I've been told repeatedly is that doll companies are more like studios or machine shops. You are dealing directly with the people who make the dolls. Frequently, it's a 3-4 person operation. They tend to be a little rougher around the edges, and there isn't a dedicated customer service department. (Which is why folks who need customer service should order from dealers.)

So... how does Luts have time to be a dealer for all these other doll companies, and make their own dolls?

Even though I am almost certainly hated by Luts doll collectors, I would like to assert AGAIN that Luts makes gorgeous dolls. I just disagree with how the newer bodies are engineered. Considering the numerous other brands Luts offers for sale on their website? I don't think I'm alone.

Others are likely afraid to say anything bad (small hobby - word travels fast - people get pissed). I OTOH am a cranky old broad who has no issue throwing my big bull ass around the BJD china shop.

ONE HUGE EXCEPTION: VOLKS

Volks is the OG of BJDs. Volks is the GOAT of BJDs. Volks invented BJDs. Volks started life as a hobby company, and BJDs were incorporated into the business. If you're brand spanking new to the hobby and willing to drop a grand or two on a new doll, Volks offers the BEST new collector experience. My first Volks purchase was a dress, and I was stunned by the thought and care that went into the construction. I watched someone unbox a new doll from Volks, and when I then saw a used, complete SD one-off doll on Mandarake for under $600, I snapped it up. It was from 2009 and worth every penny of what I paid.

I completely understand why some people are loyal to and buy from Volks only. Buying a new Volks doll is like buying a new luxury car. Other companies... well, they're a bit more like DIY kit cars sometimes. Which I like! But I don't recommend for new collectors.

I don't shill for Volks because of the price. That's a lot of cheddar to expect from someone who knows nothing about these dolls.

[handeaux]

Cincinnati’s Kit Kapp Mapped Uncharted Waters, Popularized Indigenous Art & Was Forgotten By His Hometown

When Amor Smith “Kit” Kapp Jr. died in Florida at the age of 86 in 2013, not a single Cincinnati news outlet carried an obituary or, in fact, any mention at all. The oversight was remarkable since Kit Kapp had been featured in more than 60 Cincinnati news stories between the 1940s and the 1970s.

Almost every day of Kit Kapp’s long life was worthy of a news story somewhere. He was born in 1926 to Loretta and Amor Smith Kapp Sr. in Walnut Hills. His father was a lumber dealer and the marriage was rocky. Loretta sued for divorce twice. The second time, it took. Throughout high school and college, Kit lived with his father.

As a youngster, Kit was bedridden with scarlet fever. He told his father he wanted to build a boat, so Amor Kapp Sr. drove down to the Ohio River and took photos of a towboat. Dad told the Cincinnati Post [18 December 1955]:

“I put those pictures on a drafting board and we started to build. That darn boat took nine months to make, but Kit still has it. It has 144 miniature lights that work and a miniature paddle wheel.”

Inspired by the towboat project, Kit launched his own business, the American Model Company, to sell model boat kits to hobbyists while still a student at Anderson High School.

While living in Mount Washington, Kit walked down to Coney Island and pestered the concessionaires into letting him exercise their ponies and horses. He was just 15 when he signed up to work on a dude ranch in Oklahoma. The next summer found him at a “real” ranch in Arizona. Diving into the cowboy culture, Kit became fascinated by the guns of the Old West and managed to become, at age 17, the youngest person licensed as a firearms dealer by the U.S. government. He boasted that he owned more Smith & Wesson sidearms than any collector in the country.

Kit enrolled at the University of Cincinnati in 1944 but was almost immediately drafted into the Army. He served as a paratrooper in an airborne division based in Japan during the post-war occupation. While overseas, he discovered two new passions: mountain climbing and the Ainu, an indigenous people found in the far northern reaches of the Japanese archipelago. Typically, Kit located every book published on the Ainu – 15 in total, all in Japanese – and hired Japanese students to translate them. He amassed a significant collection of Ainu artifacts and set about connecting Japanese scholars at Hokkaido Imperial University with anthropology faculty at UC.

Returning to UC after his discharge as a sergeant, Kit convinced the Lambda Chi Alpha fraternity to climb Mount Whitney, the highest mountain in the contiguous United States. But, when the time came for the expedition to depart, Kit found himself alone. He told the Cincinnati Post [24 June 1947]:

“A couple of my fraternity brothers were going along, too, but they apparently thought it was just a lot of talk and made other plans for the summer. So I’m going alone.”

On his way west, Kit climbed Signal Peak in Utah and El Capitan in Yosemite National Park. He summited Mount Whitney, hauling a 63-pound pack, and then climbed nearby Mount Muir, not as tall but treacherously steep. According to the Post [29 December 1952]:

“He reached the peak, then gazed down on 1200 feet of sheer precipice. The descent was more a rock-grasping operation than anything else. Kit’s foot slipped and he went tumbling. The whole slope seemed to slide with him. In the best mountain-climbing manner, he stuck out his arms and spread his legs to provide the best brakeage possible.”

Kit ended up with a twisted right leg, a heel pried from one boot, and a determination to find another mountain to climb. Instead, he bought a cheap automobile and drove it through Central America. He blamed it on Burton Holmes.

Almost forgotten today, Burton Holmes was something like a Depression-era globe-trotting Rick Steves. Holmes filmed exotic locales and traveled the country narrating his movies in very popular and remunerative lectures. In April 1946, Holmes presented a filmed tour of Mexico at UC’s Wilson Auditorium, extolling the fine automotive route along the new Pan-American Highway, but warning his audience not to attempt driving further into Central America, because it couldn’t be done.

That sounded like a dare to Kit Kapp. Boasting, as he put it, a bankroll “just thick enough to see through,” Kapp bought a 1929 Model-A Ford for $64 in 1948 and drove it all the way to Costa Rica. As a friend later wrote:

“Claiming to be a journalism student, Kit succeeded in meeting and interviewing the presidents of both Nicaragua and Guatemala during his trip. His car survived the journey back to the US, despite suffering 18 bullet holes passing through a small revolution in Nicaragua.”

Kit changed 51 flat tires and somehow made it back to Cincinnati without the benefit of second gear just in time to enroll for his junior year at UC’s College of Business Administration. Soon after graduation in 1950, Kit sold his model boat company and his firearm collection and bought a 41-foot ketch he named Fairwinds and sailed for the Caribbean. The original Fairwinds was wrecked in a gale, so Kit acquired a 50-foot “bugeye” ketch and christened it Fairwinds II.

With St. Thomas in the U.S. Virgin Islands as a base, Kit launched a charter company, hauling tourists around the area, eventually wandering farther and farther afield. Along the way, he met and married his first wife, the former Lois Fatzinger of Palmerton, Pennsylvania. After a decade running charters, that marriage dissolved, and Kit decided that he would rather go exploring than stick to a charter’s set schedule. He told the Post [18 December 1965]:

“I decided to get out of the high rent district. Running a charter boat is like running a sea-going taxi.”

Instead, he offered expeditions to crew members who paid him for the privilege of exploring rarely visited islands and coasts.

“I make plans ahead of time and if anyone wants to go along they pay $200 for two weeks. They work, but not hard. They help clean up, aid in survey work, help carry equipment on the island beaches. We work about five hours a day, then we swim or loaf.”

Many of those expeditions were sponsored officially by the Explorer’s Club of New York. That organization designated Kit as a fellow of the society. Among his regular customers was physicist J. Robert Oppenheimer. Kit’s travels took him into previously uncharted waters near the coast of Panama, and it was here that he generated his most culturally impactful discovery.

Kit’s efforts to survey the San Blas Islands off the north coast of Panama led to a lifelong interest in the Guna tribespeople who lived there. The Guna (or Kuna) produced unique fabric designs known as mola, vibrantly colored and intricately layered fabric pieces worn by the Guna women. The process involved in creating molas is often described as “reverse appliqué,” in which pieces of fabric are cut away to reveal layers underneath. Kit was among the first outsiders to appreciate and study these dynamic artworks and to bring them to the attention of scholars worldwide. His self-published 1972 monograph, “Mola art from the San Blas Islands” remains the definitive introduction to the art form.

During dozens of voyages around the San Blas Islands, Kit’s quest for reliable charts inspired him to seek out, collect, study and sell antique maps. Some of the maps he found were quite valuable. One sold at auction for $34,000. By 1967, Kit had accumulated a substantial inventory, enough to mount an exhibition in Jamaica. During the opening reception for that exhibit, Kit met his second wife, Valerie, born on the Isle of Wight, who helped coordinate his buying and selling trips to England and the Continent.

As Kit and Valerie shared their discoveries in Guna art, their travels brought them to Cincinnati, where they coordinated a landmark exhibition of molas and ritual Guna statuary at the Studio San Guiseppe at the College of Mount St. Joseph in 1972. Enquirer [13 February 1972] art critic Owen Findsen was impressed:

“Leaving the ethnology to Captain Kapp, the Mola can be seen as a pure art form. One must be taken by the intense coloring of many of them which can set up visual vibrations to compete with the Op artists. And the designs are clever in the same way that the pseudo-primitive art of Paul Klee is clever, by its directness and its innocence.”

The colors and patterns of mola fabric art filtered into popular fashions throughout the 1970s. Women around the world wore clothing and carried handbags replicating Guna mola designs, usually with no awareness of the original source.

As a dealer in antique maps, Kit built a reputation as a discerning connoisseur and befriended several other influential collectors. British map dealer Simon Hunter was one such colleague. He recalled:

“Kit was a very astute buyer, but he was also a most entertaining character whose good humor and traveler’s tales made it impossible to resent the large discounts he invariably managed to obtain on his many purchases.”

All the while he was buying and selling maps, Kit earned acclaim as a formidable scholar who also had the expertise to create his own maps. His many academic publications include analyses of maps, inventories of known charts and monographs on native peoples. Worldcat lists more than 40 publications under his name, with at least a dozen publications being maps of previously unfathomed waters.

After 25 years devoted to collecting and selling maps, Kit and Valerie decided that their business, no matter how successful, was detracting from the time available for exploring their beloved Caribbean. They pivoted toward selling by consignment through other dealers, rather than issuing their own catalogs. The sheer volume of their collections necessitated buying a house with a large garage on land, and they settled in Nokomis, Florida.

Over the years, significant honors accrued. In addition to the prestigious Explorers’ Club, Kit was awarded a permanent card for the British Museum Reading Room and memberships in the Royal Geographical Society, the Adventurers' Club of New York, the Archaeological Institute of America and the American Geographical Society.

After Kit’s death in 2013, his widow discovered more than 60 cartons of uncatalogued Guna art that he had packed away since the early 1970s. While itemizing that substantial collection, she discovered a room covered by a false wall in the garage with even more fabrics and statuary. Much of this new inventory is now available through various auction houses.

[rjzimmerman]

Ohio opens another wildlife preservation area to fracking for oil and gas. (The Plain Dealer Cleveland)

A panel of state officials on Monday sold rights to drill for oil and gas under a preserved wildlife area in Harrison County.

The Oil and Gas Land Management Commission, comprised of a slate of gubernatorial appointees, sold about 85 acres underneath Keen Wildlife Area for nearly $212,000, plus 18% royalties on the oil and gas produced, to Houston-based EOG resources.

The vote comes despite the commission receiving hundreds of public comments that are overwhelmingly, if not entirely, opposed to allowing fracking in the preserved area.

“I strongly oppose opening ANY of our state park and wildlife areas for fracking, as they were created for the preservation of nature – plant/animal/mineral – and for human enjoyment,” wrote Susan Righi in April to the commission. “The proximity of frack pads, heavy truck traffic, flaring, off-gassing, spills, noise and other inescapable effects of fracking is in direct conflict with the purposes of these area. Vote NO on fracking at Keen Wildlife Area.”

EOG declined to comment on its planned operations or the broad opposition to the project in the public comments.

According to a rendering from the “land nomination” form, gas underneath the wildlife area will be accessed via a well pad about three-quarters of a mile away from the parcel currently owned by the Department of Natural Resources. This is possible by a technique called hydraulic fracturing, or fracking, in which a company drills vertically downward thousands of feet from a well pad before turning laterally and reaching for minerals underground. From there, operators pump a mixture of water, sand and chemicals at extremely high pressures through the bore, freeing methane from shale deep underground.

Additionally, the OGLMC voted at its Monday meeting to allow oil and gas drilling underneath about 366 acres of Egypt Valley Wildlife Area in Belmont County. State law shields the identity of the company that submitted the land nomination. That swath of land will go out to bid in October.

The sales of mineral rights underneath public land were effectively enabled by legislation passed by Republicans along party lines in 2022 and signed by Gov. Mike DeWine. The legal process it enabled, subject of heavy oil and gas lobbying both at the General Assembly and the OGLMC, also contained language that legally redefined natural gas as “green energy” despite its inherent heat-trapping properties.

[queensqueercourt]

"We found this reel near the mercenary's break room. mind going through it before going through the archives?"

Intern propoganda post for @tf2shipswag's oc tournament! Intern voiced by me, interviewer voiced by @beepiesheepie, and Alwyne voiced by @gordonfreemanreal.

Transcript under the cut!

IV=INTERVIEWER IN=INTERN AW= ALWYNE

The interviewer Rustles the mic and tape recorder a bit, setting it up

IV: test test one one, ok all set up! would you mind testing your mic kid?

IN: oh uh, hello? Hi?

IV: … right, all clear on my end! This thing is a real son of a bitch to set up- oh- I'm sorry, you're just a kid I apologize-

IN: oh no no it's alright! I'm 16, you won't tarnish my mind with some swear words.

IV: Well if it's alright with you… Let's start the recording then! Let's give a bit of a pause before we start since I'm gonna cut this part out.

In: ok, just, y'know give me the word…

A moment of silence

Iv: Timestamp: August 5th, 1971, today I will be interviewing Mann Co intern, [harsh bleep] Fleming. I'm here to ask some questions about your current employment.

In: Fire away.

IV: Excellent. Now, first of all, tell me about your day to day workload, what you do every single day to keep this place running.

IN: Well… it's definitely not easy. I do a lot of organizing.

IV: Of what kind?

IN: Oh, you know, files.

IV: … Mx Fleming, could you go into further detail about this organizing that you do?

IN: Sure! I keep files in place, and, I make sure they're how Pauling likes them. I organize by date, importance, ownership, type, secrecy, and-

IV: Ownership?

IN: Yeah! Ownership! Like, uh. Who owned them before they came to me, what station they were in before, like-

IV: Station?

IN: Yeah! Like police station. The guys- mercs- do crimes a lot, and I do whatever Pauling can't, like sneaking into police stations to steal reports, or hide bodies before said police show up! Pauling is really thankful for it, when I'm in the station she's hours away at a different one, forging documents! She told me she'd teach me how to do it, but both of us have been busy.

IV: With, what?

IN: Work! What else do you think? I get the mercs coffee, even though Engie was supposed to fix the coffee maker months ago, and I run around with Bidwell to make sure every endangered animal made it to mercenary park, and I count every single kill on every strange weapon to make sure its at the right rank! Do you know how many people the mercs have to kill to get a weapon to the 'Hale's Own' rank? Eight, freaking, thousand. You know the Australium weapons too? The ones the mercs get after slaughtering down the robots trying to take over Mann Co? I'm the one that puts everything in those crates, every robot part, every fabricator and kit. I'm pretty sure those fabricators are in there to give the mercs enrichment, like they're zoo animals. That's kind of how Mr. Hale treats them anyway.

IV: I see… could you elaborate on what you do with Mr. Bidwell and Ms. Pauling?

IN: Sure. With Pauling I just do what she doesn't have time for. The Administrator puts a LOT on her plate, like a lot. Usually I do embezzling, body disposal, hiding the base from any goon that drives in the badlands, serving out contracts, getting takeout- I'm like a… mini Pauling! With Bidwell I write transcripts, approve or deny anything the mercs request, or kill company rivals-

IV: Kill company rivals?

IN: Yeah! There's a weird amount of munitions dealers and bootlegs of Mann Co out there!

IV lets out a small laugh: id imagine!

IN also lets out a small laugh as the room goes quiet as the IV is writing things down on the piece of paper for a few seconds

IN:so,,,what company do you work for?

IV: hm?

IN: the company. That you're representing. I've put together you don't know much about how Mann co works and its operation, and you're not very keen on the mercenaries as well. You've only interviewed me about this. Am i correct?

IV:,, and i thought i was the one interviewing you!-

IN: answer the question.

IV:,,,I dont see why this would be important to your interview mx. fleming, why don't we get back to the questionnaire? Film is quite expensive and id hate-

IN: Speaking of which! It's so crazy how you know my full name!I havent heard it in ages it's almost alien to hear it coming out of a stranger's mouth, who doesn't work at Mann co or is affiliated with the mercenaries.

IV:Kid, its just a name, can we please go on with the interview!-

IN:no! We cant! Because you know the name of a person who’s never even heard their name sputtered out or even known by their own boss. So you explain where you got that file. And why all your questions have been so private business oriented anyways.

The IV pauses for a second, realizing they are in danger before stammering: I- Kid, listen, this isnt about you its not “personal” its about your coworkers too! I mean what kind of interviewer wouldnt see it from all sides, itd be quite inefficient if you ask me-

IN: wow.

Iv: ,hm?

IN: You told the truth. I thought youd never stop spouting bullshit out of your mouth.

IV: you shut your god damn mouth, this is my interveiw you-

IN: Actually i think you DID taint my mind a bit after cussing at the start of this interrogation, and not only that but youre putting the pieces of the puzzle right in front of yourself and solving them without even knowing it! This IS about efficiency! Im the easiest of all the workers close to the admin and saxton to talk to. Bidwell and miss pauling are off doing some crap out and about im just the guy to tell you what those two are up to!! You and your thinly veiled espionage as some kind of “quick questionnaire for the new interns”, its take a world-class idiot to not recognize the pattern you've laid out.

The IV sits for a minute, questioning what to say next

IV:,,, you think youre so fuckin clever kid-

IN: oh i know i am. If i wasnt you wouldnt have put a gun under the table. I think this is a win for me. But thats just my opinion. So please IN taps the mic: tell me yours.

A few moments of silence pass before a screech of a metal chair is heard and IV tries to pull out the gun from under the desk but is stopped by IN, shooting them 3 times.

As the silence fades soft and faint gurgling and pained sounds are heard before IV dies with an exhale IN moves and shuffles through the files, moving papers and notes IN muttering and murmuring before saying: damn they did their homework,, i didn't think that Charles Darling needed to know about my H&M clothing receipts..??

After those moments AW enters the room looking around before saying: Christ Intern, got that fed up with their questions already? …I’m a little impressed, honestly. Thought you’d kill ‘em sooner. AW mutters to himself: Damn, I owe Brodie 20 bucks now..

IN Barks out a laugh: HA! Sucker! Ah shitshitshit theyre bleeding all over the carpet!! Al, help me carry em out before it stains beyond repair.

AW: Hold on. That thing’s still on.

IN moves around, before playing with the setup: now THIS will be interesting to show the team. I think Rep knowns how to put this stuff on a vhs! Plus a fancy new recording setup!

AW: Wait- how long has that been on?

IN: i think for the entire conversation, why?

AW: I’d get rid of it, probably blackmail material if you ask me, reeaaal easy to use in court if we ever get caught.

IN: shit, right…. Hey Al, what does this red button d-

End of transcript

[seat-safety-switch]

Down on the farm, they used to have a saying. I don’t know what that saying is, because I was raised in a city, by loving parents who wanted more for me than to get crushed by a piece of industrial equipment at age 7. The fools. Ever since I’ve reached adulthood, I’ve been obsessed with the concept of farms. They’ve got storage space for cars. They’ve got shit breaking all day long that needs hack-job fixes. They’ve got storage space, for cars. Big Government isn’t coming by and rattling your cage over parking permits or draining coolant into wetlands, because they’re afraid you’ll murder them and hide their bodies inside a chicken coop. There’s room to park a bunch of cars.

Now, I still don’t live on a farm. There’s a couple reasons for that. Primarily, they’re expensive and smell bad. In fact, most of the farms around here have been silently bought up by enormous, semi-autonomous agriculture corporations, who hire workers to run the farm. No one lives on these farms, they just visit day to day like any average job, poking and prodding the livestock and crops as necessary. For months, the old Baker farm just outside the city limits would be completely unattended, except for one lonely security guard on Friday nights, who would do a circuit of the cornfield in his corporate diesel Cruze hatchback, looking for horny teens. This made the old Baker farm perfect for a little hanky-panky, me-style.

In my mind, I thought it would work like a time-share. I’d park my cars there during the winter, when no one was around, and get them the fuck out of there by the busy spring season. This would save untold hundreds of dollars in storage-unit fees, which was good. I was very tired of the storage companies lording it over us, chuckling and pocketing thick stacks of money as our economy ground to a halt and forced all of our cool junk into their vaults.

If I was really lucky, maybe my little trip to the farm would even make the bylaw officer in my neighbourhood think that I moved away or died, so he’d stop coming by every morning to ticket my shit over his morning Timmies coffee. There was just one problem: most (all?) of my cars didn’t move under their own power. That’s why they were being parked in the first place, because otherwise I’d be rotating them in and out, to throw off Special Constable Frank. I’d need something big to move them, and at the Baker farm, I found just that.

Now, of course I wasn’t “licensed” or even trained in the operation of a vintage ‘71 Chevrolet Titan semi truck, much less the car hauler trailer that I borrowed from the nearby Lexus dealer on the way. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over the years, it’s that farm life means you have to make do with what you have. For instance, as long as I jammed the shifter really fast into third gear I didn’t really have to up- or down-shift the rest of the trip. Little loud, though.

[the-backdoor-garden]

List of Cuttletavio AU ideas that become more weird and deranged as you keep reading:

Modern day AU were they're idols too

Modern day AU were they're normal people

Everyone's dads AU were they get married and take care of their deranged children aka all the agents and the idols and Octavio's army of child soldiers.

Role swap AU with Pearlina (not confuse with the previous ones, as there the idols remain unchanged. Here, I imagine the Squid Sisters design would change to reflect that Pearl is their grandma now)

Pokemon AU!

High school AU but you think Craig's a jock? NAH HE'S A CHEERLEADER and Octavio is a nerd.

Minecraft AU!

Role swap AU between them which makes Craig a prince and Octavio some sort of captain (Craig would be more like a western prince because you know)

Pop Team Epic AU!

Romeo and Juliet AU (how we interpret them is already very Romeo and Juliet so it really is just a change of setting and different ending)

Roblox AU.

Assassin AU were Craig has to infiltrate octoling forces to kill Octavio but ends up falling in love (inspired by AO3 fic called "Operation: Femboy" DON'T LET THE NAME FOOL YOU, IT'S REALLY GOOD)

Racist AU- wait that's just the og-

2000s emo AU. They met through MySpace and started flirting through Tumblr.

Arcade AU. You know how arcades let you put nicknames on your high score? Well Craig is really good at this arcade game but there's someone who keeps getting higher scores than his and so they start remotely beefing but never seeing each other because they go in at different hours, until one day he finds that someone playing on the arcade and it turns out is Octavio and it's basically enemies to lovers but they're enemies because of an arcade game.

Grafitti AU. The same as before except it's grafitti. Craig makes a grafitti, Octavio goes over it and rinse and repeat until one of them finally finds the other doing it.

Sailor Moon AU! Craig is Serena and Octavio is Darien because yeaaa!

ENA AU. Craig is an Ena and Octavio is like Moony but actually supportive when his boyfriend has a mental breakdown.

Chainsaw Man AU. Craig is Denji and Octavio is Makima.

Lupin III AU. Craig is Lupin, the white glove thief, and Octavio is Zenigata, the detective whose existence revolves on catching him.

Jojo part 2 AU. Craig is Joseph and Octavio is Caesar.

News reporters AU, were they're both serious news reporters and shit.

Drift king AU. Octavio is the drift king and Craig is a guy who wants to beat him, but also Octavio is the heir of the Yakuza and it all becomes Craig helping his lover escape by winning competitions and getting money to run away.

Skullgirls AU were Craig wants to keep the Squid Sisters away from the Skullheart however Octavio is attempting to get it to harness its power without making a wish. They also both fought against the Skullheart side by side on the past, but when the Canopy Kingdom went to war with the other kingdoms (one of them being Octavio's kingdom), they had a falling out

Technical support AU. Octavio fixes computers and Craigs keeps busting his because he's cute, even tho Ammoses can literally fix it for free but oh well let the bi be bi.

Kill Bill AU but Octavio is Bill. Craig is the bride of course.

Car dealer AU were Craig wants to sell a car to Octavio so he fucking resorts to fucking.

AU of my OCs-verse were basically they're both assasins for Albert Richter, CEO of the company that owns the country, who is also their lover so trio, and they're being chased by T and D for their crimes UNLESS they stop working for the guy. Octavio wants to keep working for him but Craig doesn't, so yeah (This is a very self indulgent AU that most of you won't get unless you're my boyfriend, love you my love muack muack)

Spongebob AU. Craig is Spongebob. Octavio is Squidward.

Company AU. Craig is Octavio's secretary who is the CEO of some corporation or some shit.

BODY PILLOW AU WERE CRAIG IS OCTAVIO'S BODY PILLOW AND-

Vtuber AU.

Omegaverse AU.

Big Bang Theory AU.

Fifty Shades of Gray AU.

JFK AU. Octavio is JFK. Craig is his wife.

Coffee Shop AU.

[diabolus1exmachina]

Enterra Vipre

The Enterra Vipre was developed in the mid-1980s by a group of waiters at the Keg Restaurant on Vancouver’s Granville Island. Somehow they managed to secure a grant from the Canadian Scientific Research Council for $10 million CAD, and perhaps not surprisingly it all went wrong shortly after.

Whoever these waiters were they were astonishingly adept salesmen. Not only did they talk their way into that $10 million CAD government grant, but they also talked General Motors into selling their cars in the USA right out of Pontiac dealerships – with a full manufacturer’s warranty no less.

Exactly how a group of waiters came up with the idea of starting their own car company may be lost to history, but we do know that in the early-to-mid 1980s the waitstaff at the Keg Restaurant on Vancouver’s Granville Island hatched a plan to launch their own custom car brand and call it Cymbria.

Rather than building a car from scratch as Bricklin has done a decade earlier before collapsing into bankruptcy the team at Cymbria decided too instead base their car on a preexisting production sports car to save time and money.

The car they chose was arguably the hottest American sports car of the time, the Pontiac Fiero, an affordable mid-engined car with a lightweight fiberglass body. Cymbria developed their own custom bolt-on fiberglass body for the car, then they developed a more luxurious interior, they doubled the sticker price, and put their car on the market.

By the time the initial problems with the body moulds and ill-fitting panels had been rectified it was 1986 and the company had changed its name to Enterra, possibly as a way to leave some space between themselves and the negative press that the earlier 1984 Cymbria prototype had attracted.

The styling of the Enterra Vipre was perhaps a little misleading. It looked like a mid-engined supercar that was doing 200 mph even standing still. In reality it was powered by the standard 2.8 liter Pontiac V6 making just 140 bhp and 170 lb ft of torque.

When the Fiero was still new and exciting back in 1983 and 1984 many kit car and low-volume automakers hailed it as their savior. Its steel spaceframe chassis, mid-engined layout, and easy-to-remove fiberglass outer body panels made it ideally suited to modification. Countless Ferrari replica kit cars were based on the Fiero, there were also Lamborghini kits, and kits replicating other models. Interestingly one of those Ferrari replica designs was the Pontiac Mera – it had a bodykit designed to emulate the Ferrari 308 GTS which was being used in the popular Magnum P.I. TV series in the 1980s. 159 of them were made and sold through Pontiac dealers in the USA before the Ferrari lawyers got involved and shut the operation down. The Canadian answer to this Fiero phenomenon was the Enterra Vipre. Its design was clearly influenced by the Ferraris of the time including the F40, though it was carefully designed so as not to be a replica of any single model – therefore resistant to the famously litigious Ferrari legal representatives in the United States.

The first prototype was built in 1984 as the Cymbria Vipre, however the poor fitment of the fiberglass body panels and overall build quality left a lot to be desired. The moulds had to be completely redone, by the time they were ready it was 1986. The car was relaunched, now as the Enterra Vipre, with a price of over $30,000 USD – the equivalent to $71,277 USD in 2023 and roughly double the cost of a standard V6 Fiero.

Despite the fact that the car was being sold through selected Pontiac dealerships in the USA it was a complete flop. The lack of brandname awareness for Enterra coupled with the high price and the fact that the car had slightly worse performance than the stock V6 Fiero (due to to the larger/heavier body) resulted in dismal sales.

[ifreakforicecream]

COD MODERN WAREFARE 3 Predictions

Disclaimer: I have never played the games I am just doing this for my own enjoyment (I don’t have 70$ lying around) I am going off of cutscenes, the wiki and other people’s head cannons. I kind of wanna see how this list plays out once the new missions come. (This barbie has to draft 30 sheets of site analysis for a presentation but is doing this instead) I will probably update this with coloured text as it goes

also, lmao mw3 getting revealed by monster energy drinks has the same energy as the previous installments being revealed by Dorito Chips or when hero movies get early reveals from toy/action figure patents.

Graves does come back but only as an operator for the multiplayer games. Conversely, He could be an illegal arms dealer but in hiding (think MacAfee before they found him). Shepherd has a higher chance of going in that direction in my books. Update: he comes back completely unscathed and going by the new trailer he's siding with Farah and Alex? oooo this gonna get messy (28/7/23).

Price, Laswell, or Gaz dies. Sort of a riff off from the originals I’m guessing the writers are trying to find some form of subversion but this is where it's at (oof)

Farah or Alex dies and neither of them finishes what they started. My money is on Farah tbf.

Gaz dying makes sense in the way that he started with wanting to do right by people when he first met and would probably die that way too. or this being a red herring price jumps in for him and dies and then takes his place which seals his fate as the MC of this installment.

Laswell goes out of the way of aiding a mission when she was expected/advised not to.

Laswell gets a protégé that will replace her in a much later installment. It has a shot at being Gaz man just collects good intel.

more female ops? I like to think COD writes them pretty damn well. (at this point my standards are must pass the Bechdel test. which is not a bad benchmark considering its flaws but not great either)(this is also where I found out the first installment of Twilight passes the Bechdel test. go figure)

Gaz replaces Laswell and Ghost takes Price’s place.

Price dies while killing Makarov. or we get him smoking a cigar as he is introed making it a full-circle moment once more.

Ghost trades bullets with shepherd but only shepherd dies. Many have said the reboot plays it safe so I am going off of that assumption here slightly but ik a lot of og gamers of the previous titles would find that satisfying.

In the wiki, it states that the shadow company is disavowed but that might change. I didn’t check the established title (Like if it was private or public) of such a company but there might be a line of succession here. for what they have in assets it seems too big to be disavowed.

we get a partial face reveal of the ghost. It could be something mundane as smoking or a teasing jump cut. it’s just like barely there.

everyone gets promoted: It happened after the mission in the ghost's origin story. It’s a hefty mission they just survived. I would be surprised if they didn’t. with shepherd gone this swings either way. or gets buried under the rug as it is a mission hidden from the public.

Roach gets in the picture. he also wins the IDGAF wars or is second to Price in that regard.

regional operators? They were all over the place in past titles and with las almas this seems the least farfetched. (hoping for some Indian or Nepalis operators woo)

someone from 141 or affiliated gets kidnapped or “killed” but it’s that “lucky death” situation that COD likes to pull like it did with Alex. This happens towards the end or at a start of a mission season.’

Shepherd is the actual villain and they kill off Makarov pretty quick as a subversion of the original title. Again moot, if you consider the potential monster energy leak his face is in red behind price.

price dies, Gaz finishes the job.

this is more of an anti-prediction: the price isn’t gonna be the main character but the most prominent. (also going by the monster leak) ghost was the last game’s MC I don’t think they were married to his POV all that much even though it played a huge role.

ghost dies, and Soap finishes the job. “you wanna be better than me Johnny” or Johnny dies saving Ghost in the final moment.

Makarov operates the no Russian mission remotely and he acts as a clean nationalistic politician, making him more dangerous and will cause international trouble when apprehending him. (a lot of opposing politicians or figures “fall out of windows” in the process.

The ghost team carries over to Russian soil.

141 gets bigger and possibly with pre-existing operators within the game.

shepherd gets murdered by a more evil boi/girl

ghost’s tattoo design has a canonical refresh/update. The grey fleece jacket comes back.

Soap recovers while Ghost hunts for Shepherd solo. (this happens right after the final mission or the bar scene)

Every now and then a COD title comes out with a new game mechanic or a way to play. In this installment, I am predicting laser sights for night missions.

Heavier lean on digital/informational warfare.

we don’t get much about ghosts. RalphsValve said there might be a spinoff personally I don’t this will ever happen but it’s a tossup considering the original investor report saying mobile makes 40% of revenue but the Microsoft acquisition may change things ( also wonder where product collaborations are at on that investor report probably not that sizable but still worth a look). Conversely, he’s ghostie has become a character favorite and the market landscape has changed drastically in the last 10-20 years and he already has source material. BTW I read that Origin comic That poor fucker can’t catch a break. Brother looked so red-eyed when he hit the tarmac when he met Soap.

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Amazon Alexa is a graduate of the Darth Vader MBA

Next Tuesday (Oct 31) at 10hPT, the Internet Archive is livestreaming my presentation on my recent book, The Internet Con.

If you own an Alexa, you might enjoy its integration with IFTTT, an easy scripting environment that lets you create your own little voice-controlled apps, like "start my Roomba" or "close the garage door." If so, tough shit, Amazon just nuked IFTTT for Alexa:

https://www.theverge.com/2023/10/25/23931463/ifttt-amazon-alexa-applets-ending-support-integration-automation

Amazon can do this because the Alexa's operating system sits behind a cryptographic lock, and any tool that bypasses that lock is a felony under Section 1201 of the DMCA, punishable by a 5-year prison sentence and a $500,000 fine. That means that it's literally a crime to provide a rival OS that lets users retain functionality that Amazon no longer supports.

This is the proverbial gun on the mantelpiece, a moral hazard and invitation to mischief that tempts Amazon executives to run a bait-and-switch con where they sell you a gadget with five features and then remotely kill-switch two of them. This is prime directive of the Darth Vader MBA: "I am altering the deal. Pray I don't alter it any further."

So many companies got their business-plan at the Darth Vader MBA. The ability to revoke features after the fact means that companies can fuck around, but never find out. Apple sold millions of tracks via iTunes with the promise of letting you stream them to any other device you owned. After a couple years of this, the company caught some heat from the record labels, so they just pushed an update that killed the feature:

https://memex.craphound.com/2004/10/30/apple-to-ipod-owners-eat-shit-and-die-updated/

That gun on the mantelpiece went off all the way back in 2004 and it turns out it was a starter-pistol. Pretty soon, everyone was getting in on the act. If you find an alert on your printer screen demanding that you install a "security update" there's a damned good chance that the "update" is designed to block you from using third-party ink cartridges in a printer that you (sorta) own:

https://www.eff.org/deeplinks/2020/11/ink-stained-wretches-battle-soul-digital-freedom-taking-place-inside-your-printer

Selling your Tesla? Have fun being poor. The upgrades you spent thousands of dollars on go up in a puff of smoke the minute you trade the car into the dealer, annihilating the resale value of your car at the speed of light:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/23/how-to-fix-cars-by-breaking-felony-contempt-of-business-model/

Telsa has to detect the ownership transfer first. But once a product is sufficiently cloud-based, they can destroy your property from a distance without any warning or intervention on your part. That's what Adobe did last year, when it literally stole the colors from your Photoshop files, in history's SaaSiest heist caper:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/10/28/fade-to-black/#trust-the-process

And yet, when we hear about remote killswitches in the news, it's most often as part of a PR blitz for their virtues. Russia's invasion of Ukraine kicked off a new genre of these PR pieces, celebrating the fact that a John Deere dealership was able to remotely brick looted tractors that had been removed to Chechnya:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/05/08/about-those-kill-switched-ukrainian-tractors/

Today, Deere's PR minions are pitching search-and-replace versions of this story about Israeli tractors that Hamas is said to have looted, which were also remotely bricked.

But the main use of this remote killswitch isn't confounding war-looters: it's preventing farmers from fixing their own tractors without paying rent to John Deere. An even bigger omission from this narrative is the fact that John Deere is objectively Very Bad At Security, which means that the world's fleet of critical agricultural equipment is one breach away from being rendered permanently inert:

https://pluralistic.net/2021/04/23/reputation-laundry/#deere-john

There are plenty of good and honorable people working at big companies, from Adobe to Apple to Deere to Tesla to Amazon. But those people have to convince their colleagues that they should do the right thing. Those debates weigh the expected gains from scammy, immoral behavior against the expected costs.

Without DMCA 1201, Amazon would have to worry that their decision to revoke IFTTT functionality would motivate customers to seek out alternative software for their Alexas. This is a big deal: once a customer learns how to de-Amazon their Alexa, Amazon might never recapture that customer. Such a switch wouldn't have to come from a scrappy startup or a hacker's DIY solution, either. Take away DMCA 1201 and Walmart could step up, offering an alternative Alexa software stack that let you switch your purchases away from Amazon.

Money talks, bullshit walks. In any boardroom argument about whether to shift value away from customers to the company, a credible argument about how the company will suffer a net loss as a result has a better chance of prevailing than an argument that's just about the ethics of such a course of action:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/07/28/microincentives-and-enshittification/

Inevitably, these killswitches are pitched as a paternalistic tool for protecting customers. An HP rep once told me that they push deceptive security updates to brick third-party ink cartridges so that printer owners aren't tricked into printing out cherished family photos with ink that fades over time. Apple insists that its ability to push iOS updates that revoke functionality is about keeping mobile users safe – not monopolizing repair:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/09/22/vin-locking/#thought-differently

John Deere's killswitches protect you from looters. Adobe's killswitches let them add valuable functionality to their products. Tesla? Well, Tesla at least is refreshingly honest: "We have a killswitch because fuck you, that's why."

These excuses ring hollow because they conspicuously omit the possibility that you could have the benefits without the harms. Like, your tractor could come with a killswitch that you could bypass, meaning you could brick it at a distance, and still fix it yourself. Same with your phone. Software updates that take away functionality you want can be mitigated with the ability to roll back those updates – and by giving users the ability to apply part of a patch, but not the whole patch.

Cloud computing and software as a service are a choice. "Local first" computing is possible, and desirable:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/08/03/there-is-no-cloud/#only-other-peoples-computers

The cheapest rhetorical trick of the tech sector is the "indivisibility gambit" – the idea that these prix-fixe menus could never be served a la carte. Wanna talk to your friends online? Sorry there's just no way to help you do that without spying on you:

https://pluralistic.net/2022/11/08/divisibility/#technognosticism

One important argument over smart-speakers was poisoned by this false dichotomy: the debate about accessibility and IoT gadgets. Every IoT privacy or revocation scandal would provoke blanket statements from technically savvy people like, "No one should ever use one of these." The replies would then swiftly follow: "That's an ableist statement: I rely on my automation because I have a disability and I would otherwise be reliant on a caregiver or have to go without."

But the excluded middle here is: "No one should use one of these because they are killswitched. This is especially bad when a smart speaker is an assistive technology, because those applications are too important to leave up to the whims of giant companies that might brick them or revoke their features due to their own commercial imperatives, callousness, or financial straits."

Like the problem with the "bionic eyes" that Second Sight bricked wasn't that they helped visually impaired people see – it was that they couldn't be operated without the company's ongoing support and consent:

https://spectrum.ieee.org/bionic-eye-obsolete

It's perfectly possible to imagine a bionic eye whose software can be maintained by third parties, whose parts and schematics are widely available. The challenge of making this assistive technology fail gracefully isn't technical – it's commercial.

We're meant to believe that no bionic eye company could survive unless they devise their assistive technology such that it fails catastrophically if the business goes under. But it turns out that a bionic eye company can't survive even if they are allowed to do this.

Even if you believe Milton Friedman's Big Lie that a company is legally obligated to "maximize shareholder value," not even Friedman says that you are legally obligated to maximize companies' shareholder value. The fact that a company can make more money by defrauding you by revoking or bricking the things you buy from them doesn't oblige you to stand up for their right to do this.

Indeed, all of this conduct is arguably illegal, under Section 5 of the FTC Act, which prohibits "unfair and deceptive business practices":

https://pluralistic.net/2023/01/10/the-courage-to-govern/#whos-in-charge

"No one should ever use a smart speaker" lacks nuance. "Anyone who uses a smart speaker should be insulated from unilateral revocations by the manufacturer, both through legal restrictions that bind the manufacturer, and legal rights that empower others to modify our devices to help us," is a much better formulation.

It's only in the land of the Darth Vader MBA that the deal is "take it or leave it." In a good world, we should be able to take the parts that work, and throw away the parts that don't.

(Image: Stock Catalog/https://www.quotecatalog.com, Sam Howzit; CC BY 2.0; modified)

If you'd like an essay-formatted version of this post to read or share, here's a link to it on pluralistic.net, my surveillance-free, ad-free, tracker-free blog:

https://pluralistic.net/2023/10/26/hit-with-a-brick/#graceful-failure

[phandomtaleweaver]

“Chien de Garde”

No parings, fluff, humor, 700+ words

New to the team, Finka always get the feeling she’s being watched when she talks to Doc, Monty might be able to tell her why

(Please don’t come at me for my French or Russian, I used google translate)

Only a week after the team had returned from Truth and Consequences, Finka visited Doc in the med bay for the first time. The conversation had been innocuous, some follow up about the Chimera Virus. The doctor had been working in the main area of the med bay, rather than his office. After leaving Lera couldn’t shake the feeling that she and the doctor were being watched. Nothing terribly sinister, just the simple feeling of being observed. Thinking back, Finka didn’t remember seeing anyone else in there, as Jäger, the only patient, had moved back to his own room, where he was far more comfortable.

Over the next couple of weeks Lera noticed the same feeling, but only when she was talking to Doctor Kateb. She thought about asking him about it, or Oliver, except the latter might start a fight. Finally, after three weeks, Lera had had enough, so she approached the next closest person to Gustave to see if he knew anything: Gilles “Montagne” Toures.

She approached him one quiet evening in the common room. Most other operators were doing their own things elsewhere or had gone out to the pub for a pint and Lera and Gilles were virtually alone in the common area. Gilles sat on a couch reading a book titled Le Comte de Monte-Cristo. She sat on a chair catty corner to him and he looked up.

“Um, hello, Toures, I hope I’m not interrupting your reading.”

The older man chuckled, a rich, warm sound and shook his head. He then inclined his head for her to continue.

“I have an odd question, but one I don’t know who else to ask,” she watched his face for any adverse reaction, but none came. He merely maintained his previous warm expression, waiting patiently for her to continue. “Do you ever feel like you're being watched when you talk to Doctor Kateb?”

The Frenchman looked incredulous then seemed to think for a moment. “Non,” he finally responded. “But I may know what you are-” he paused searching for the word “-signifier, oh, what you mean.” He stopped speaking, realizing his faulty English was probably hard to understand. “I know, what the feeling you have, I understand it. You are aware of Gustave’s “Chien de Garde”. His, uh, guard dog.”

“His guard dog?”

“Oui, I can introduce you.”

“Why not?” Lera chuckled, still slightly confused.

Gilles stood and beckoned for her to follow him, “Viens.”

The two walked to the med bay together in companionable silence, and a bit of anticipation on Lera’s part. Upon arriving Lera saw the med bay looked empty, aside from the doctor organizing something. The minute they were fully in the room, the CBRN specialist felt like she was being watched.

“Bonsoir, Docteur,” Gilles greeted.

“Salut, vieil ami. добрый вечер, Lera. What brings the two of you here so late? Not an injury I hope.”

“Non,” Gilles smiled, with just the slightest hint of mischief in his eyes. “Lera wanted to meet your Chien de Garde.”

The Doctor rolled his eyes and shook his head. “He is in my office if you wish to speak with him.” He turned back to what he was doing.

“Not any more,” a voice said from the doorway of the aforementioned office. Lera looked and there stood Dominic Brunsmeir. Lera had never met the man formally, but he had been waiting for the team when they had returned from T&C, only to remain at Jager’s side till he was released back to his own room. She had heard jokes and whispers about him possibly being a drug dealer, though she doubted that. She realized in that moment that his intense blue eyes observing her was the feeling she had felt all those times talking with the doctor.

“I don’t see why you find it necessary to terrorize everyone, Dom,” Gustave sighed, breaking the silence.

“I'm not terrorizing anyone, artz, just keeping you company,” the German smiled, attempting to look innocent and failing.

“You are as good at keeping me company as Tania would be, you just like to lurk,” the doctor shot him a faux glare. Then turning to Lera he continued. “He hangs around me to make sure no one bullies me, though I don't need it. I think he just likes to scare people, hence the nickname Gilles and Julien have given him: Chien de Garde.”

[signalhill-if]

I HAVE AN ASK that I actually thought of while working earlier so HERE GOES c:

Lets say, the world didn’t go to shit, and our beloved characters are transported into the year 2023. What are they doing? How are they holding up? Job wise, and just in general? How is what they’re doing different from canon, now that things like social media and all that ‘fun’ stuff is around, if it’s different at all?

Thank you for the question! And also thank you to the anon who asked a very similar question that I forgot to answer 🥲

Rather than just saying what they'd do if they were in the present, I'm gonna sorta Modernify their canon lives because it's fun :) Also, SPOILERS BEWARE, I'm obviously not including anything super spoilery about the plot but if you want the character's backstories revealed naturally in the game then maybe don't read because there's a bunch of new stuff here!

Doc's trajectory in life is a lot different, in a world where he can actually get a proper education. His dad was a veterinarian for a horse racing place, and he didn't exactly have the most wealthy upbringing, but he was comfortable and learned a lot about horses. His dream was always to attend medical school, but money was tight- until he started dating Yvette in his first year of university, who helped him get into dealing drugs. After getting his MD, he started working at a not-for-profit local clinic, and oversees their needle exchange program. He still owns a sniper rifle in our universe, but he doesn't use it (usually)

Yasmin is the daughter of a prominent media mogul who was recently assassinated, putting her even more in the public eye than she already was. She had a wealthy but miserable youth, one of those rich kids who was privately tutored and never really had friends, y'know? At a young age, her mother died, and she's been in a spiral ever since. She had a brief but stormy relationship with KC in college. Since then, Yasmin's become a minor social media star, posting moody selfies and doing a lot of drugs with her influencer friends- specifically, Yvette.

KC grew up poor with a struggling single father and took the idea of "pulling yourself up by your bootstraps" seriously. She worked throughout high school to get into a good college for business management, with a mix of money saved up from part time work and scholarships. She excelled at soccer in high school and wound up playing for her college's varsity team. Through a mutual "friend" she met Yasmin, and the two of them dated until KC got a job at Yasmin's dad's company and realized how terribly it treated its employees. She got heavily involved in the (successful) effort to organize a union at the company, and since then has been involved in helping other baby unions with their organizing efforts.

Yvette found it hard to stay in the closet from a pretty young age, and growing up in a place where that was frowned upon, he learned to be resilient and self-sufficient. As an adult, he moved to the big city and befriended a wealthy drug dealer while working as an escort. Through some questionably moral events, he wound up in charge of this operation with the other guy... out of the picture. From there, it all happened so fast- buying the club (which he named the Rose and Thorn), the fancy car, the nice condo. Living the dream. But he has his sights set even higher ever since he befriended Yasmin, the heiress to a multimedia throne.

Levi had a sheltered youth, attending private Catholic schools in Quebec alongside his childhood best friend Maxime. He excelled in his studies, but Maxime was always a step ahead of him, especially in the area of religion. Despite being an attentive student, Levi struggled with anger issues and was a target for bullying throughout his youth. When the two were seniors in high school and Levi's long-time bully disappeared under mysterious circumstances, they decided to move away and start a new life together in the big city. Here, Maxime's (or now, Aldrich's) spiritual ideas flourished, getting the attention of people on social media. But being labelled as a cult leader is barely better than their youth.

[thebreakfastgenie]

Sarah I humbly request ur top 5 funniest US political scandals -ypq

okay so caveat that there are niche scandals that are funnier I'm just drunk and don't remember

Watergate - everything about it is so fucking stupid

Clinton impeachment - also a lot of stupid decisions here, the president saying "it depends on what the meaning of is is," the Republicans having to can Newt as speaker because he was having an affair with a staffer too and it looked bad, having to ditch one candidate to replace him because he was also having an affair, and finally landing on Hastert (who is an actual pedophile), just the part where Republicans were so sure public opinion would come around but people mostly wanted to stop hearing explicit details about the president's sex life.

idk if this counts as a scandal but the Army McCarthy hearings - if for no other reason than opposing counsel forcing the word "fairy" into the conversation as a microaggression against Roy Cohn

Iran-Contra - the guy who set the whole thing up was an insane grifter/arms dealer and no one even knows for sure who he really was. He took a polygraph and failed everything including his name which might be because polygraphs are bullshit but also he could totally have been lying about his name. might have been lying about his nationality. probably was lying about everything else. definitely was lying about how he could totally get those hostages out of Lebanon by selling weapons to Iran. we sold the weapons through Israel (they wanted to prolong a war between Iran and Iraq so both would be too busy to attack them, they were fine with people dying) and one time they showed up in Iran with a giant Star of David on them. this only got linked to the Contras in Nicaragua when Ollie North and company realized this operation which rescued net zero hostages (one guy did get released but someone else got taken hostage immediately) was turning a profit and used it to solve the problem of "we want to fund a right-wing paramilitary but Congress won't let us :(" also one of the other arms dealers involved was Adnan Kashoggi, uncle of murdered journalist Jamal Kashoggi, and he owned a yacht that was a notorious party boat and where Queen once attended a party. they wrote a song about it called Kashoggi's ship. there were rumors that it was an orgy but it probably wasn't. several people have owned the yacht since including, for a while, Donald Trump.

Alger Hiss and the secret pumpkin - some people thought Alger Hiss and Whittaker Chambers were gay and these people included Richard Nixon. also there was a pumpkin involved (used to hide microfilm)

honorable mention to Obama wearing a tan suit

whatever Trump has going on - it's gonna be even funnier in like 20 years when we all have some distance also maybe he'll have died in prison by then

[minseologs]

It's just Minseo.

Minseo gazes on to the mirror, half-empty at herself, brushing her hair ever so gently before fixing the corners of her sleeves. She tilts her face, from left to right, feeling something off but couldn’t quite put her finger to it. So she take a deep breath in, closes her eyes and sighs out imperfections that didn’t exist in her physical inspection. Still, it felt like she wanted a perfect image to show. As if someone was waiting to see her.

-

The Accident-Prone

“Why don’t you reach out to your friends?” Her physical therapist (part-time therapist, general) assists in carrying a 5kg ball in her arms as she walks around, herself finding it difficult to do so unlike before. “They can’t always be the ones reaching out.”

“I hate it when you’re right.” The tension on her shoulder builds, slight discomfort emits as she hands the weight back to him. A small huff escapes her lips looking at the clock nearby. “I just have a friend at my penthouse to watch over— I’m that desperate. I feel like I have savior — “

“Savior complex, yes,” the man, handing her stretcher, which Minseo had been struggling with the past few months. “Your file with therapist said so—“

“Isn’t that confidential?”

“Nothing is ever confidential with you—“

Minseo chuckles, rolling her eyes at the comment. “For the record, I have friends. They’re just busy right now…”

-

A Business Woman

“Are you supposed to be drinking right now?” An older man speaks with a few others surrounding him. Looking over Minseo, who appeared to be the youngest in the room at the time. “You’re supposed to be healing—“

“Aren’t you supposed to be with your wife?” Her sharp tongue darts through, making all the others uncomfortable knowing she was also the most powerful person in that table at the moment. “Heard about your affairs. You’re supposed to be faithful knowing that also comes back to my reputation but I guess there’s things we need to work on.”

The man clears his throat as she patiently waits for reports of their underground job. Folders are passed around and she was dismayed to see operations of exports have decreased since she last worked there.

“Are you fucking serious…” her palms support her head as she leans forward of the table. Looking at the numbers inflicted disappointment in her own will to lead. “I was barely gone six months—“

“You also have to realize that you practically kicked off those who had to deal with connections from other countries—“ one speaks carefully, so not to feel her wrath. “They held ground and we still need to replace them. You approved two so far but we need to fill four more spots…”

“Ah yes, the board of directors that conspired to kill me?” She shrugs, everyone avoiding her line of sight. “This is unacceptable. What’s our line of dealers doing? Have our contracts been diminished?”

“Not all it’s just—“ a woman speaks up with courage, “The Choi’s reputation at the moment is being challenged with what’s happened and what you did as a result, not everyone is confident having ties with us anymore. I mean, if there’s any, they’re short contracts right now.”

Her hands clasp, supporting her forehead following a deep breath of frustration. If she was honest to herself, these are just part of the job to ensure she establishes good business grounds. There was not time to waste. Minseo had to ensure that she could still grasp the company on the surface, and beyond. After all, she worked hard to ensure everything falls on her hands..

“I need to have a meeting with only our executive board, including our international board. Send me all the reports last year— everything, including new contracts. I don’t care how long, compile it— figure it out.”

-

The Generous Heiress

“It’s good to see you again. I almost thought you forgot about us.” The nun holds her hand with grace, rosary beads falling on her own hands and she emptily stares on to it. “But I understand. It's been... a lot, I presume.”

“Forgive me. I really tried my best,” she takes her hands, playing with the rosary beads in between as the children’s laughter echo while they play nearby. “Hopefully the gifts are enough for the children.”

“It’s more than enough for the next year, quite frankly. We even have extra to probably build them another playground—“

The women chortle at the thought but Minseo had secretly hoped this was the case. She wanted nothing but the best for the children of the orphanage despite knowing people have spoken true and with secretly ill-intent. Hesitant to be surrounded by them due to the attachments of her name.

“You know, I’m kind of tired of this ‘eternal suffering’ I keep finding myself in.” She confesses, looking at the nun for comfort. “I know if I fight back, it won’t be the prettiest. I feel cruel— selfish, even.”

“So long as you find kindness in the end, I see no wrong in that.” Knowing she had to be careful of what to say, Minseo opted not to go in further detail of what she had meant.

“Where do I put all this… anger, grief...? everything in between--”

-

The Wrathful Child

“Was that how you felt?”

She looks at her father’s name on the grave stone, face so bitter and full of disgust. but still, she wanted to present herself as he had always wanted. Like he always wanted. What felt like years had only been months, and the wounds never truly left. Making room until she couldn't feel it anymore. She takes a breath, sighing deeply at the thought of her sins.

"Do you remember how you told me that I will never be in your level of competence?" She asks, rather mockingly. "Well, that's not true. Can you see how much I've been successful? But I suppose it's the small inconveniences that keep haunting me. It's as if you placed these ones to knock me down so bad."

She stares at his name for awhile. The rage was still there, but she didn't waste time knowing the man was dead.

"This is how you felt. Whenever people tried to knock you down. Because you said the powerful will never know peace. They will only know survival."

Minseo kept alert. Always ensuring she will never fall below the unrealistic expectations of her own goals. One on top of the other, there was never room for error because in her mind; errors only become hindrances. She thought this type of mindset would be over once she released herself from her father's hold.

She promptly stands, another time whether to bow or not. When she thinks about it, she turns and walks out to the cold air of the winter. The mausoleum sits in the fog as she was enters her vehicle. in silence, hands on the steering wheel with fleeting thought about her future. She is unsure of where to be at the moment, but her feelings of becoming like her father rises.

A phone call abruptly breaks her thought.

“It’s Min—“

“Minseo, your new assignment is taking you to Taiwan….”