#Custom Hoodies No Minimum | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

ms-demeanor · 1 year

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sex work is work, no problem with that, but spamming sex work absolutely everywhere now is not okay. bot or not, it is not okay to shove your probably fake/stolen tits or ass into everyone's face even where kids are. it is absolutely the lowest, cheapest trash doing that. are these people showing their barely covered up pussy to school kids on the street to maybe get a customer? because they are doing exactly that on the internet. if you cant find customers and need to lower yourself to std ridden junkey trash standards who missed the way and entitled themselves to begging for money outside trash town, zero support from me!

Yeah you really sound like someone who supports sex workers. That's what I always think when I hear people using words like "disease-ridden" and "junkie" - 'wow, that person must be SUCH an ally. braver than any US marine, thank you for your service, person who believes sex work is work but thinks STIs or drug addiction are 'trash'.'

So, point by point:

It's not absolutely everywhere. You don't see people trying to link their onlyfans on facebook most of the time (i've actually never seen it but i could believe it is happening, though it's not common because FB has real-name policies that are unfriendly to sex workers). You're unlikely to see fansly links as sidebar ads on cspan. People aren't linking their pages in the amazon reviews. You're seeing it "everywhere" because you're not going anywhere. Tell me you spend all your time on two to three platforms without telling me you spend all your time on two to three platforms. Instagram, tiktok, twitter, and tumblr are full of people who are promoting all kinds of brands and one of those kinds of brands is sex work.

Those are also all platforms that have age restrictions and behavior standards, and of all of them tumblr is the one that has the history of being the most openly sexual and the least connected to legal identities. People are linking to their diy porn because of the culture of these websites both currently and historically. I once posted a video on this website of me bringing myself to orgasm in a public bathroom stall then inserting a dildo into my vagina before I went on stage and performed a set with my band. I did it for free and for fun five years ago, the week before the porn ban hit.

What I'm saying here is that the culture of this website has a much longer history of openness about sex and sexuality and the visual presentation of sex than it does of being full of people who think teens shouldn't see nipples. This is an *extremely* reasonable place to post information linking to porn that you make and to use cute pictures of yourself to do so.

It's also really easy to tell that these people aren't bots or using stolen images because the whole point of the live platform is that you can click through and go talk to them. Strange Aeons did just that and you can see what happened. (click on that video for a fun cameo at 6:04) Turns out live users are just a bunch of people (not networks stealing images the way that actual porn *bots* on tumblr do) and the ones who are trying to do sex work on the live platform itself get banned.

But also kids too young to see the occasional boob shouldn't be on tumblr! (like, seriously, define kids. what age is too young to see the kinds of images allowed by the tumblr live tos? how about the ones banned by the tumblr live tos? How old should you have to be before someone shows you an ahegao face on a hoodie in public? What should the punishment be for the ahegao fashionistas for exposing six year olds to anime tongues? What should the minimum age be to go on the beach and see men in speedos? Fifteen, or is that still abusive to children? Maybe we should make it twenty to be safe, or better yet why don't we make it twenty AND ban speedos? this is what you sound like, you fucking asshole). Tumblr has age limits and people under that age limit shouldn't be looking at most things on this website. A smiling woman in a bikini top or a dude with his abs out are fucking nothing compared to the kind of damage you personally and specifically are trying to inflict with your shitty ideas.

Posting t&a on tumblr is not at all comparable to doing street level work and soliciting children for a number of reasons, but I'd just like to really take the time to point out that you just compared the profile pics on tumblr live to sexually soliciting a child. You literally did the "x group i hate are pedophiles" thing, which is exactly why it's such a huge problem that any and all types of nudity have been stigmatized online. We have created an entirely new paradigm of "pedophile" that means "existed around a child while wearing tight pants." You are such a fucking clueless, sanctimonious pile of shit that you can't even see that that's what you're doing. This is literally, exactly kink at pride discourse.

And that's even if I grant you that these people are posting t&a! Go look at the live leaderboards, you don't have to accept the ToS to see the leaderboards! We are talking about *at most* saucy pin-up levels of eroticism. I have seen fucking holiday cards with more visible cleavage than any of the top 200 tumblr live streamers right now.

The only thing in your final sentence that makes any sense is that you are positioning tumblr as trash town.

Yeah. I'm actually not at all impressed by tumblr recently and that has a lot more to do with the influx or resurgence of nuance-allergic, anti-sex, whiny shits like you than it does with a banner that i can scroll past in a quarter of a second.

I want people reading this to really, really sit down and think about what they're calling assault or hypersexualiztion or whatever. We are talking about profile pictures. You are so offended by a bar of 4 profile pictures at the top of your dash that you're comparing regular ass humans (some of whom are sex workers and some of whom are just streamers who took thirst trap selfies) to the real life solicitation and abuse of children.

TOUCHING GRASS IS NOT ENOUGH FOR YOU PLEASE GO INTERACT WITH ACTUAL REAL HUMANS WHO DON'T KNOW WHAT DASHCON OR MILKSHAKE DUCK ARE. YOU ARE CRITICALLY INTERNET POISONED AND IF YOU TALKED TO SOMEONE AT THE DMV AND DESCRIBED IT AS ASSAULTING CHILDREN TO HAVE SOMEONE IN A BIKINI ON A BILLBOARD THEY WOULD IMMEDIATELY BEGIN TRYING TO FIGURE OUT HOW TO GET AWAY FROM YOU. THINK OF THIS POST AS THE CARBON MONOXIDE DETECTOR TELLING YOU THAT THE SHADOWS YOU'RE SEEING AREN'T ACTUALLY DEMONS BUT THAT YOU ARE GOING TO REALLY REGRET IT IF YOU DON'T GO OUTSIDE.

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magicfootballstuff · 2 years

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Caramel Latte (leila ouahabi x reader)

Summary: a new customer starts coming into the coffee shop where you work and you're a little bit obsessed with her

———

You’re halfway through a Saturday shift when the four girls enter the coffee shop. The first three, all blonde, you think you recognise, semi-regular customers, but the last one is new.

You’d definitely remember if she’d been in here before. Dark hair and dark eyes, tanned skin, a septum piercing and a few subtle yet artful tattoos on her arms, she’s beautiful and exactly your type.

You’re so busy staring at her that you don’t realise her friends have approached the counter until one of them starts speaking to you.

“Uh, sorry,” you say, flustered to be caught distracted, though you can’t help but spare another glance for the brunette, who hangs back slightly from her three friends as she squints up at the menu board behind you. “Could you repeat that?”

You take the orders of the three blonde girls, though you can’t help but keep half an eye on the attractive brunette as you do, until it is her turn to order and she steps up to the counter.

“What can I get for you?”

“Uh,” the girl starts, frowning as her eyes scan the board behind you. “Caramel latte, please.”

Even in those few short words you can tell she has an accent. She’s definitely not from Manchester, not even from England, and you find yourself wondering what her story is as you put her order through the system.

“Anything else?”

“No thanks.”

You take a paper cup off the stack on the counter and pick up the sharpie next to them, then ask, “Name?”

The girl stares blankly at you.

“Sorry?”

“Your name,” you explain, holding up the paper cup in one hand and the pen in the other. “For the cup.”

“Oh,” she says, her cheeks tinging ever so slightly pink. “Leila.”

It suits her, you decide, as you scribble her name on the side of the paper cup and place it on the side next to where your coworker is preparing orders, then ring it up through the register.

“That’ll be four pounds sixty, please.”

She pulls a wallet out from the pocket of her tracksuit bottoms and fumbles around with some coins.

“Sorry,” she tells you, as she carefully counts out the right amount. “I just moved here. I’m still getting used to the money.”

“Take your time,” you reassure her, even though there are a couple of people standing in line behind her.

Once she’s got the right amount, she reaches across the counter to pay and her fingertips brush against your palm as she drops the money into your hand. Your breath catches in your throat and her eyes meet yours for a split second, but the moment passes as soon as it arrives.

“Thanks. Your drink will be ready soon.”

She rejoins her friends and you prepare the drinks for the four girls as your coworker takes over the register. If you were the main character in a rom-com, you would perhaps scribble your phone number onto Leila’s coffee cup with a cute little note asking her to call you.

But you’re not. You’re just a normal minimum wage employee from Manchester with too much social anxiety to shoot your shot with a gorgeous customer.

So when Leila’s coffee is ready, you call her name and pass it across the counter without your number, and if you shoot her a warm smile and wish her a nice weekend, it’s only because you’re doing your job and not because you fancy her.

———

Leila returns to your coffee shop a few weeks later, on a rainy afternoon in the middle of the week, and you perk up from an otherwise boring shift as soon as you realise it’s her. She’s dressed in warmer clothing than before, sweatpants and a thick padded coat. This time she is accompanied by just one friend, a dark-haired girl wearing a Manchester United hoodie, the pair having a conversation in what sounds like Spanish.

“Caramel latte?” you ask, when Leila steps up to the counter.

With an expression of mild surprise on her face, she tilts her head to the side and says, “You remember?”

“Of course,” you reply with a shrug. “It’s my job.”

You get hundreds of customers in here every day, some of them much more regularly than Leila, and you don’t remember most of their orders. Although, you must admit, none of the other customers are as pretty as Leila.

“To drink in or take away?” you ask.

“We’ll stay in this time,” says Leila.

“Of course,” you respond. “And what would your friend like?”

“Ona?” Leila says, nudging her friend and nodding at you.

“Oh, uh, cappuccino please,” says the friend.

You relay the order to your coworker, who starts to prepare their drinks, then turn back to Leila.

“Where did you move from?” you ask conversationally, as your put their order through the cash register.

“Sorry?” Leila asks, with a frown.

“Last time, you said you had just moved here. Where were you before?”

“Oh, Barcelona.”

So that explains the accent and the tan.

“Must be quite a shock,” you joke glancing through the window at the miserable Manchester rain.

“It is always raining here,” she agrees.

It falls silent between you and you curse your extreme lack of game, the fact that the presence of a hot Spaniard reduces your ability to flirt to merely making comments about the weather.

“Cash or card?” you blurt out, to fill the silence.

“I’ve got this,” says the girl in the United hoodie, pulling out her card and tapping it against the reader.

“I’ll bring your drinks over when they’re ready,” you tell the two girls.

You wonder if they’re on a date and feel a little bit jealous at the thought. When they pick a table and sit down, they immediately lean in closer and whisper conspiratorially with each other, and even if the coffee shop wasn’t too loud to hear what they’re saying to each other, you don’t know more than a few basic words in Spanish anyway. They definitely seem close, and you prepare yourself for disappointment, until they both turn at the same time to look at you, still in conversation.

And then, Leila’s friend grins at you and lifts a hand to send you a little wave. Leila immediately lunges at her friend across the table, grabbing her hand to stop her from doing anything else while saying something to her, and from the frown on her face and the animation as she talks, it seems from where you’re standing that Leila’s scolding her about something.

It’s a strange interaction, one that you’re almost certain is a conversation about you, but you don’t understand it.

You finish making their coffees and carry the drinks over to them, setting the tray down on the table between them.

“Leila wants to ask you something,” blurts out Leila’s friend.

You pretend not to see the way that Leila kicks her friend’s shin beneath the table.

“Okay,” you say, turning to Leila expectantly.

“I … uh…” Leila stammers. “Um, how much do the muffins cost?”

Leila’s friend immediately says something in Spanish - you catch the word idiota which doesn’t take a genius to translate, but the rest is a mystery to you.

“Oh, I think they’re about two quid usually but I can bring you one over for free if you like? My treat. Chocolate or blueberry?”

Leila blushes, and says, “Thank you. Chocolate.”

Judging by the grin still plastered across Leila’s friend’s face, she’s finding great amusement in the entire situation, so you turn to her and ask, “Do you want one too?”

“No thanks. Save your treats for Leila.”

“Ona!” Leila chastises her friend again, swatting her arm a little more forcefully than necessary, before she turns her head to look at you again with a smile and says, “Thank you. You are very kind.”

When you return with Leila’s muffin, she thanks you with a smile that disarms you and almost has you tripping over your own feet, much to the amusement of her friend, and you go back to serving customers with a slight pink tinge to your cheeks.

You keep glancing across at Leila, your eyes drawn to her as you work. A couple of times she catches your gaze, then looks away shyly, though each time you could swear that her lips twitch up into a smile.

You don’t talk to her again, but when Leila and her friend have finished their coffees and get up to leave half an hour later, the tiny wave goodbye that she sends you across the coffee shop is enough to keep you smiling for the rest of your shift.

———

Your interest piqued, you try to find Leila on social media that evening after work, but with very little luck. After all, you only have her first name and your search of ‘Leila Manchester’ on Instagram doesn’t bring any success. But when you switch to Google and add the word ‘Barcelona’ to your search, you can barely contain your excitement when the very first result is the girl you’re looking for.

Leila Ouahabi. Spanish footballer.

You switch to an image search and the fact that you’ve always had a bit of a thing for girls in sportswear is immediately confirmed by picture after picture of Leila in various football kits - the red shirt of Spain, in a striped Barcelona shirt showing off an enormous trophy, and in the familiar light blue of Manchester City.

With her full name, you’re now able to find her Instagram, where you’re met with more pictures of her playing football, but mixed in with photos of her looking effortlessly cool off the pitch too.

It’s not stalking, you tell yourself as you scroll. After today’s interaction, the spark of something between you that you’re sure you weren’t alone in feeling, and the weird behaviour of Leila’s friend (Manchester United’s Ona Batlle, or so your definitely-not-stalking tells you), it’s just curiosity. And so what if you’re mostly scrolling through her social media to look for the presence of a possible romantic partner that might put a dampener on your new little crush.

When you find no trace of a relationship, you try not to get your hopes up too high.

———

You hope that Leila will return for another coffee, though you’re mentally prepared that it might be another few weeks before you see her again, which is why it’s a complete surprise when she shows up the very next day.

“Hi, again!” you greet her, trying not to seem too enthusiastic at the sight of the Spanish footballer. Especially after you spent half the evening looking her up online last night. “Can I get you anything? A muffin, perhaps?”

You shoot her a teasing grin and she blushes, looking down at the ground.

“Sorry for being weird yesterday,” Leila says. “I’m not normally that awkward.”

You exchange a laugh, reassuring her with a smile that you don’t mind the awkwardness. You’re hardly the smoothest mover yourself, and you find Leila’s imperfections to be endearing, rather than a turn off.

“I have a confession to make,” you tell Leila, deciding to come clean about the fact that you know who she is. “I … I looked you up online. I was curious. You play football, right? Is that why you moved to England?”

“Yes, to play for City.”

“Lucky for you, my family are all City fans.”

“Mmm, yes, that is lucky,” she agrees. She chews at her lower lip, clearly nervous about something, then says, “I have a confession too. I didn’t just come here for coffee.”

“You didn’t?” you ask, as your heart does a little somersault in your chest.

“No, I…” She trails off, visibly flustered, then says, “Fuck, I’m much better at this in Spanish.”

“Better at what?”

“Can I have your number?” she blurts out. “I mean, do you want to maybe go on a date? That’s what Ona said I should ask you yesterday.“

“But you panicked and asked for a muffin instead?” you tease her.

“Can I use the excuse that English isn’t my first language?” Leila smiles at you hopefully.

“You’re lucky you’re so cute,” you say, grabbing an empty paper cup and a pen, scrawling your number on the side of the cup - maybe you can have your rom-com moment after all. “One caramel latte coming up - this one’s on me. And yes, I would love to go on a date with you.”

#leila ouahabi imagine #leila ouahabi x reader #woso imagine #woso x reader

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beautiful-and-terrible · 10 months

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“falling into place”

mike schmidt x reader

summary: “You meet Mike Schmidt under rather unfortunate circumstances. Luckily, he's a decent guy, and tries to make it up to you. Besides, who could say no to those big brown puppy-dog eyes?”

tags: Slow-burn, domestic, hurt/comfort, gradual friends-to-lovers, whatever the opposite of a meet-cute is, because mike is a disaster, sub!mike, dom!reader, eventual smut

Part 2

also available on my Ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/51690952/chapters/130675165

A sigh escaped your lips as you watched raindrops race down the window. It was a Friday afternoon, and you were an hour away from being done with your shift at your town’s local, run-down grocery store. You were working the cash register - a mindless, repetitive task that sucked the soul out of you, but it paid the bills. You didn’t mind talking to customers, when they were polite. It was usually hit or miss with the older customers. They never seemed to understand that you couldn’t accept expired coupons. Or that eggs really were $1.05, yes even for the non-organic ones.

This particular afternoon was going especially poorly. You had two people refuse to pay their bills and just walk out with their groceries, you had a screaming child in line with her mother who kept begging you to just “give the kid a piece of candy for free”, and at least three older men had told you “you’d do your job a lot better if you smiled.”

By the last hour of your shift, you were on the verge of a breakdown. Tears pricked your eyes - your feet hurt, your back ached, and your heart was still tender from being chewed out by your manager for letting those two people walk out without paying. As if you, a minimum wage employee, had the authority or skills necessary to stop two shoplifters. And besides, you didn’t really think stealing essential things like food warranted arrest or reprimand, anyway.

So that’s why when a particularly mean old bat who smelled like mothballs and cat piss yelled at you for not scanning her groceries quickly enough, you finally snapped. You slowly put down the fifth carton of prune juice you had scanned, untied your apron that had your name tag pinned on it, and let it drop to the ground.

You looked the old woman in the eyes, flipped her off, and walked out. As you passed your manager on your way to the front door, you flipped him off, too. The way his face went beet red with rage would remain in your brain as one of the funniest things you’d ever seen. You were pretty sure there was a vein in his temple about to burst.

So now you had no job. Great. You sighed, putting your head in your hands as you stood under the covered walkway that led into the store. You stood like that for a long time, just letting the reality wash over you. You knew you wouldn’t be able to cry in public, but as soon as you got home you would put on your softest hoodie and sweatpants, and have a good cry about how shit your life had been these past few months. You steeled yourself, raising your head and starting to walk towards your car.

You were about half way out into the rainy parking lot, holding your jacket above your head, which blocked your peripheral view, when you were suddenly on the hard, wet ground and your vision pulsed with white stars. It felt like you had been sucker-punched by the Hulk. You looked around dazedly, trying to figure out why you were suddenly on the ground.

Headlights beamed directly at face level as you sat up, rubbing your head. You brought your hand away - no blood, at least. But your wrist hurt like a fucking bitch. The throbbing pain got worse by the second - each beat of your heart caused the flesh around your wrist to swell up like a balloon. Or at least that’s what it felt like.

“Holy shit, I’m so sorry, are you okay? I looked away for a second and you came out of nowhere I’m so fucking sorry-”

You looked up to see two very distressed, very pretty hazel-brown eyes staring down at you. A man with a mellow voice was apologizing profusely, attempting to help you stand up. You could only nod dumbly, holding out a hand placatingly.

“I’m fine, I think… my wrist really hurts,” you pouted, trying not to sound like a child but your day had been so dogshit that your usual barriers were crumbling easier than normal.

“Let me take you to the Urgent Care, it’s the least I can do…” he trailed off, grabbing you by both elbows to help you up off the wet ground. You shivered, from the cold rain dripping down your neck and from the adrenaline of the moment starting to wear off. The man helped you into the passenger seat of his car and got in the drivers side.

You looked down at your wrist - it was already swollen. Your lip started to tremble, and big, fat tears started to leak from your eyes. You sniffled, which caught the guys attention.

“Oh, hey, don’t cry. I’m sure it’s just sprained. And I’ll even try to help pay for your cast or whatever… not that I have any extra money but that’s the right thing to do…” he murmured under his breath. You glanced at him and gave him a half smile, wiping the tears off your face.

“Don’t worry about that. I just appreciate the ride. I’ve had a pretty shit day - getting hit by a car was just the cherry on top.

“Yeah, I know about shit days,” he said simply, then winced, looking in the rearview mirror. “Sorry, Abs. A pretty crap day, is what I meant.”

You turned around, confused. In the back seat was a girl of about 11 or 12, looking sullenly out the window. She shrugged noncommittally.

“Hi,” you said softly. The girl glanced at you, frowned, and turned more toward the direction of the window. You looked at the guy, who just sighed.

“That’s my sister, Abby. She’s having a crap day, too.”

“Dang. The three of us should start a club,” you said, which made the guy let out a snort of laughter. You looked at him, surprised by the display of mirth.

“So… what’s your name?” he asked, stopping at a red light. You told him your name, which he repeated before saying, “Nice to meet you. I’m Mike.”

#fnaf #fnaf security breach #fnaf movie #five night's at freddy's #five nights at freddy's #mike schmidt #mike schmidt fnaf #mike schmidt x reader #mike schmidt fanfic

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crazyintheeast · 7 months

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How I would run Netflix if I was made CEO:

- No more full seasons drops . Three episode per weekend drops only with each show have a minimum of 12 episode season

- Massive social media marketing . No not ads but cast interviews and bits . I want to see our star passionately talk about characters , have puppet interviews , do games the whole she bang

- online and offline merch store . Yes I want official merch from the show . Posters , hoodies , calendars everything . And yes there should be a payment plan option . If you can afford a $40 Warrior Nun blanket you should be able to pay it off for $5 a month in the next eight months . All the proceeds from the merch store go directly towards the show with 5% going directly to the cast

- Fan contests . Beat fan art gets a $10k prize . The next ten places get $1k each whole the first 50 get $500

- Fanfiction contests during off season :

Best long submission get published as official books and the authors get 10% of the profits ( I am a CEO I am legally obliged to screw people over )

Best short submission get bundled up in a short story book which will get published . Authors get $500 each and their names

Social media rewards : if the show trends every week during which it airs next season you get a bonus episode

Hard copies : Official custom flash drives with the entire season , bloopers , deleted scenes and interviews and bts stuff with the cast . This will be only on physical media . No online stuff

#Netflix

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writing-rat · 11 months

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Tickets

Pairing: Enid x Wednesday

Content Warning: Gay, Fluff, K-pop

Summary: Wednesday has given 4 tickets to Enid to go to a Blackpink show. She is surprised to be invited

Normally, Enid would wake up late. Today felt different however, so much so she was nervous. In fact she woke up early today for once. She knew something was going to happen eventually, and she didn’t know what. It wasn’t parents weekend so it couldn’t be her parents. She sighed, knowing that she wouldn’t fall asleep so she just got up.

Wednesday soon appeared out of the shower, putting on her school uniform as she was buttoning her shirt up, but the tanned girl jumped when she saw Enid up. “Sinclair, morning,” she spoke casually to her girlfriend.

“Morning Willa,” Enid responding, yawning as her shirt rode up, revealing scars from the Hyde. Wednesday blushed hard as she stared at them, remembering the fateful night. She still had chronic pain from it, but it wasn’t as bad as when it first happened.

Once Enid realised where Wednesday was staring, she blushed hard. She knew it was out of love that certain look. “Do you know what it is today? Something feels different,” Enid asked Wednesday, knowing she’d know if there was a certain event.

“It is your birthday mon cher,” Wednesday answered, walking over and holding her sides before kissing her gently. Enid smiled as she kissed back, not shocked she forgot her birthday. They had been bad for her after all. She was now 17 though. “Happy birthday mia lupa. Te amo,” Wednesday finally said. Enid, swooning, smiled and hugged the smaller girl, hiding her face.

“Thank you babycakes,” she responded, seeing if she could get away with that today. Wednesday rolled her eyes.

“You are lucky it’s your birthday today…” she mumbled out in Enid’s shoulder. Enid smirked.

“I won’t call you it in public, don’t worry babycakes,” she remarked. Wednesday smiled at that gently before she was nodding. She soon pulled away, going to her side of the room and pulled a few boxes out.

“I know you might’ve had bad experiences before so I didn’t dare get you anything big,” Wednesday explained and handed them over. “Mother, father and Pugsley gave you a gift as well as Thing,” Wednesday explained, noticing how Enid was surprised by the 6 boxes. There was also 2 envelopes.

Enid nodded, smiling gently as she looked at who’s was who’s. She was wanting to open her girlfriends first after all. She grinned, seeing it was one of the bigger boxes. Inside was a hoodie, but it wasn’t any ordinary hoodie. It was a hoodie all fhe Addam’s had that had their name on it as well as the family crest and their quote. There was also an interest on the back of each like on Wednesday’s there was an open book. Enid’s eyes welled up with tears as she saw ‘Enid Addams’ and then on the back there was a crocheting symbol. She was hugging Wednesday tight. “Thank you babycakes,” she hummed out and kissed her deeply. Wednesday kissed back before handing over an envelope.

“Also from me,” she spoke. Enid blinked before she was opening the envelope and saw what was inside. Blackpink tickets to the city that was 2 hours away from them. It was in a week so it gave her time to prepare at least. After a deeper kiss, she opened the rest. Morticia got her a manicure set, Gomez got her a custom fencing sword and Pugsley got her a raven plush. Thing also got her some skincare things. The birthday card was from the entire family, with 200 dollars in it. Enid widened her eyes, about to complain.

“This is the minimum I could get it too. They wanted to put 2000 in,” she explained. Enid couldn’t help but whine at that before sighing and agreed to take it.

“Why is there 4 tickets?” she then asked.

“Well, in case you want to bring your friends,” Wednesday informed.

“So you’ll go with me, Divina and Yoko then?” she asked excited. Wednesday was shocked but she nodded.

“It is your choice mon cheri,” she admitted. Enid grinned.

“Then I choose you, Yoko and Divina. I love you babe,” she spoke happily. Wednesday smiled at that and kissed her forehead.

It was the day of the concert and Enid was excited. Divina and Yoko were too. Wednesday was calm however, not really knowing much K-pop. Enid had been playing the songs to Wednesday though so she knew some at least. She was only going for her girlfriend, which Yoko had teased her about. If it wasn’t for Enid or Divina then the vampire would’ve had a stake in her heart.

They were currently in their respective bedrooms, Enid and Wednesday changing together. Enid kept waltzing about in her underwear, causing Wednesday to be a gay mess before she finally helped dress Enid. Enid was wearing her lesbian sweater with some blue jeans and had on some pink boots. That’s when Enid also chose Wednesday’s outfit. She got Wednesday a plain black shirt out with one of her crocheted sweaters (made by Enid) and a leather jacket. She also had on some ripped jeans that were black that Enid got her to see if Wednesday liked them. She did.

Soon, both girls were down in the lobby, waiting for the siren and the vampire, Enid chatting up a storm like usual. Wednesday was looking directly at her girlfriend as she spoke, showing she was listening intently. Soon, they both heard 2 footsteps and looked over. The siren was also wearing a pair of ripped jeans, albeit blue and also a black top with the bands name in pink on it. In fact, Yoko had the same shirt on but she was wearing black jeans and boots. Divina just wore trainers.

“Group photo!” Enid exclaimed out. Just as she said that, their house teacher entered the room and saw all 4 of them.

“Going somewhere fun?” she asked with a smile. Enid nodded.

“Going to a Blackpink concert! Wednesday’s butler is driving us there and back so don’t wait up!” Enid explained before she asked, “Can you take a photo of us?”. The teacher chuckled then nodded. Wednesday was next to Enid who was next to Yoko who was next to Divina. They all did different poses (minus Wednesday) before the phone was handed over.

“Have fun,” was the last thing they heard before they had left.

After an hours travel they were at the venue. Everyone except Wednesday was excited, Enid being the most excited as this was her favourite band of all time after all. Wednesday led the way to the front, showing a pass. The trio behind her were confused before they were let in. No one else was in… at least until they saw them in the corner. Wednesday had made a greet and meet happen. Enid kissed Wednesday as a thanks before she bounced over to them. “Went all out for your girl, hm?” was all Yoko said before she left. Divina just smiled at her before she joined the duo. Wednesday just sat down and relaxed, preparing for the hell of what a concert would be. As long as Enid was happy…

#wenclair #wednesday x enid #wednesday #ratboy writing

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herbgerblin · 2 years

Note

That poll you reblogged got me thinking. What would you, an artist who does commissions, consider a good character ref sheet? What do you need/consider when drawing someone's oc/dnd characters/character you don't know?

Shoutout to @ceilingfan5 for that poll because I was also very interested in the responses.

I answered a question about what info to include in the description of your character (s) here. But I can definitely expand a bit more! Disclaimer: Not every artist works the same way.

Example prompt to use for requests is under the cut!

If you have drawn your own ocs, but are afraid of using them as references, don't be! I never judge anyone's examples, and I've seen references from a wide range of skill sets. I'm not an art critic, I'm just here to interpret your work and translate it to my own style. You know your ocs best, so I try to pick up on the details that you clearly want to see.

If you can't find the exact right reference, say so before I start drawing. I keep a lot of stock images on hand and I scour the internet for references all the time. I can probably get closer to what you have in mind. Or I will just model the image myself (I have used myself as a model several times.)

Write objective descriptions. Descriptions written in flowery, poetic language can be hard to parse, especially when I need to read them multiple times to make sure I didn't miss anything. I recommend using bullet points if you require a lot of specific details.

If you have a preferred name and Paypal deadnames you, I will 100% only use your preferred name and I will ignore it on PayPal if it comes up. I don't know if there's a way to filter out customer names on PayPal. I only need the email address to send invoices. If you want to go the extra step of making an email just for commissions, that's fine with me.

I don't do a lot of dynamic scenes but if you ask, include what camera angle and POV you want the scene to be viewed from. Providing reference images of a different scene from that angle is also a huge help!

I repeat: If you have no previous examples of your ocs, I recommend using a Pinterest board or google drive folder with references. But keep them to like a 3-10 minimum (unless there are multiple characters, in which case include more than that.)

Example prompt below ->

Hi [artist]

I am requesting a [insert type of commission] for my character(s) [name(s).] I have attached reference pictures of their hairstyles, outfits, poses, and an example of the scene. I have included a description of the commission down below:

Character A is sitting at a small cafe table. They are wearing a button-up dress. A mug of steaming coffee is resting on the table near their hand. Character B is pulling out a chair opposite Character A. They are wearing a hoodie, jeans, and a silver necklace. They look a little damp and disheveled like they've just come in from the rain, and maybe blushing from embarrassment. A wet umbrella is leaning against the side of their chair. Character A is laughing good-naturedly. The background doesn't have to be detailed, but if you could make it feel like the lighting is warm and slightly dim, that would be great!

Please let me know if you would like any further details.

Thanks,

[Preferred Name]

#asks #askherbgerb #commission request prompt #art commission advice #art advice #commission tips #art commission tips

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prettycutebunny · 2 years

Text

Little butterfly , part 2

Albert wesker x reader , part 1

Minors DNI

The cold autumn air cooled your sweaty body as you found yourself running through the silence of the night. The weight of the bag on your shoulder felt light compared to the black hole in your heart threatening to swallow you whole. With quivering lips and teary eyes , you stood out from between the few people coming home so late. The main road isn’t too far and you’d rather get a cab somewhere with a blind spot than call and have the company tracked through your phone records.

Looking around to make sure there’s no one watching , you hailed the taxi heading near you and stepped inside tugging your hoodie up while answering the driver. You can feel his eyes lingering at you for a second questioning your action as you tried your best to keep your face hidden but he resumed his driving anyway. You’re clearly not the weirdest customer he ever had. Taking a deep breath while trying to maintain a calm demeanor , the destination wasn’t far.

You didn’t renew your card and decided to withdraw all your money to transfer it into a different bank , or so you told him when he asked. That was two weeks ago and any suspicions he had had disappeared when he saw you open a bank account in his bank. He looked so smug that day it made you grit your teeth. The driver stopped but you assured him to drive slowly further , into another blind spot you made sure to not when you found a shop front camera.

Paying the man and heading towards a dark alleyway , you noticed a homeless man sleeping near. Shrugging off your hoodie and replacing it with a thick sweater with a matching cap you had hidden inside the backpack. Placing the garments on the sleeping man , you started tucking any stray hairs inside your hat. Hiding your hair under the cap is annoying but it’ll have to do as you walked toward the streets once more and called for a different taxi. The streets were empty so you had to wait a while before one appeared.

Hopping sinice once more , you gave the driver new directions. The airport was close but not enough for a walking distance you just needed to be close enough to walk there safely. He had so many connections and influence you just couldn’t risk it. Taking a deep breath and sinking into the chair again , you stared out of the window admiring the calmness of the midnight. Your bag contained only your bare minimum while your backpack held everything you needed to leave and never look back.

Really can't remember where I left my spine

Carrying my body in a bag for dimes Hidden in the pages of the New York Times at home

The walk to the airport was unfateful as you tried to be as alert as humanly possible. The adrenaline rush inside you caused your heartbeat to thump inside your ear. The sneakers you wore were ones that you used enough to be broken in and comfortable but not much it’s worn out. The new jacket you have on was a gift from Jill that you never wore as it wasn’t your style. Your hair is covered in a wig with your hair color but a completely different style and length.

Only thing that stood out from you was the medical mask you were wearing but you crunched a tissue between your hands and your eyes were bloodshot. One look at you and people will assume you have a cold and go on with their business. Anything more and you’d stick out like a sore thumb and raise eyebrows toward you. The attention was the last thing you needed and you prayed the airport was crowded so you'd go unnoticed.

For the first time , it seemed like your prayers were answered as the place was a shit show. A flight was pushed back half an hour and there was chaos as you tried to mingle between people and act naturally. It’s a connecting flight that you’ll leave in the first country and with that , Raccoon city with him will be out of your life forever. The tears returned as the lump you barely swallowed forced you to head to the bathroom. You need to get it together, freedom is so close you can taste it.

Inside the bathroom you splashed cold water into your face making sure the mask on your neck stays dry. There’s only one other woman there and she appeared too sleep deprived to care about whatever you’re going through. The burning in your eyes didn’t stop but spread like a wildfire causing you to break into an ugly cry. The woman left before you collapsed trying to take a deep breath through your hyperventilating.

Everything felt so suffecting as if the walls were closing causing sudden nausea to join. You sprinted to the nearest toilet and emptied your stomach trying so hard not to choke through your tears. Closing the lid and flushing down the mess , you walked with shaky legs toward the sink again washing all evidence of your meltdown away.

As your body slowly calmed down , you opened your backpack once more to replace the damaged mask with a fresh one while grabbing your pills while you’re at it. Popping once inside your throat came first before you bought the mask on again. Your reflection looked worse for wear but at least it made the mask appear natural with how sickly you looked. Gathering as much composure as you could , you walked out towards the check in.

And maybe I'll be better if I take my meds

Ain't a double header if you lose your head

Tried a medication that I bought instead It's working for a little but there's not much left

He was distracted and others could tell. A nagging voice in the back of his head kept screaming at him like an annoying alarm. His Intuition never failed him but it appears baseless this time. He stared around trying to find whatever could cause it yet found nothing out of the ordinary. His morning was a good one as he and his little dove had breakfast before he left to work. She was under the weather lately and the stress of jealousy was driving her mad. A hostage situation soon after was handled smoothly by the alpha team with his lead and the virus he and Birkin are working on is advancing as scheduled.

His colleague broke him out of trance with the experiment results. A smirk formed on his lips as he stared at the tyrant embryo in front of him. All they needed to do was plant it in a worthy subject and the perfect human form will be born. Well , second perfect to himself as the injection they’re working on is finalized. The puzzle pieces are taking place forming the perfect picture for him. He’ll be immortal above everyone soon enough. His phone rang, raising an eyebrow from him and his friend. Only few people know his real number and none of them have any business calling him so late.

You gripped the burner phone tightly as you walked towards your gate making sure no announcements could be heard through the phone. The ringing stopped and it was met with silence and you took a deep breath.

“I quit , goodbye.”

You turned the old phone off before breaking it and throwing it away in the trash. You’ve been in enough kidnapping to know how to not be traced. Use an old phone , burner number , and always hang up before 30 seconds. Even if he miraculously tracked you , you’d be in a foreign land away from his grasp. Tears of relief filled your eyes as you tried to hold in a laugh.

The aching in your feet made you groan while the flight attendance led you to your seat. It was an aisle seat - something you didn’t mind - but the smell of coffee that invaded your nose made you gag. This brought attention to you as the stewardess a little loudly if you’re okay.

“I’m sorry , I’m pregnant and I can’t stand the smell of coffee.”

“I apologize , I’ll see if I can find any empty seats for you.”

She said sweetly as you stood awkwardly trying to block the smell from attacking your nostril while shifting your weight around your throbbing feets. The attendance returned faster than you expected leading you toward the first class.

“All of the seats in economy and business are taken and we apologize for any inconvenience.”

You blinked in shock before you smiled at her.

“Thank you so much.”

Most of the first class seats were empty and she led you toward a row without anyone in it giving you the pick of any seat you like. You took the window seat as she pointed to where the first class bathroom was and the barf bags if you needed them.

This kindness made you tear up for the millionth time today. After everything that happened this last year , you’re so drained and burnt out. Your hand rested at your stomach as you closed your eyes. The seat was bigger and more comfortable melting the tension you carried around.

Darling don't you weep

There's a place for me

Somewhere we can sleep

See you in your dreams

The atmosphere at STARS office was miserable to say the least. Your sudden absence came as a shock to everyone you’ve befriended through the time you were there while the captain’s sharp change in attitude was the nail to the coffin. Without you to handle the paperwork, the documents piled up so fast. That didn’t help with how Wesker was always on edge , like a caged lion ready to attack anyone who provokes him.

Chris seemed to take most of his attacks even when the young man swears he didn’t do anything wrong. It didn’t spare the rest however as any little mistake would be faced with an angry bark and overtime. The lack of caffeine didn’t help as you’ve stopped buying the beans a while ago saying something about a spoiled bag but never replacing it. No one knew how you made it just right and after tasting yours , it was impossible to return to the bland burnt taste.

Wesker was glaring at his screen while holding his armchair so harshly it snapped in his hand. It’s been over five months but there was no trace of you anywhere. He knew you were smart but didn’t expect you to be this smart. His chest swelled with pride but that was overshadowed with anger. You dared escape him ? He knew you were displeased with his sham of a marriage but to think you’d leave without his permission drove him mad with rage. You belonged to him until he said otherwise and he always kept what’s his. The last conversion you two had played in his mind as he tossed the piece in his hand on the floor.

Your eyes were puffy from the tears you’ve silently shed in the shower. You were clearly nervous and afraid with how your body was fidgeting as the question left your lips.

“Would you ever leave her ?”

Your voice was raspy and weak. This again ? It’s too early to reveal anything about him. Not until he becomes above human and get out of under umbrella’s thumb.

“No”

“Why not ? Aren’t I good enough ?”

You sounded desperate and full of grief. He hated it when you questioned him just as how he hated how his heart pained him with your pain.

“Never ask me about this again , now get back to bed unlike you, I have work tomorrow.”

Ever since a little girl, I found it sweet Driving past a graveyard on a lonesome street

All the little flowers gave me something to believe in

Hormonal was an understatement to how you’ve been feeling lately. Traveling through different connecting flights before settling in one country , then going through different cities to make sure whatever trail they have on you goes cold , you settled in a small town in England. Your identity was changed multiple times as you went , you’ve used them as you traveled around thankful for your job at STARS. You had access to criminal data using other STAR members IDs.

The only reason you settled down was your growing belly was too exhausting to travel with anymore. The place wasn’t bad at all as you enjoyed the weather and the people there were friendly enough. Playing the part of the grieving widow who lost her husband as she carried his child brought enough sympathy for them to leave you alone but be helpful when needed.

The cold feeling of the gel spread on your stomach made you flinch as the doctor started the examination. The image of your child made your heart swell in joy while the doctor talked.

“Everything’s going well , she’s healthy and growing strong. Her weight is in the normal range.”

Your smiles grew wider as the doctor kept talking and showing you different angles of her. The fear you’ve felt when your period was late was soon forgotten as the weight of the new life took over. You wanted her so bad but seeing how he’ll never leave his wife frightened you over her fate. He’s a powerful man who’ll do anything to get what he wants and you know he could kill you and make it look like an accident. Your hand landed on your swelling stomach protectively as the love built up inside you. You’ll keep her safe from anything, especially him.

The nurse handed you copies of the ultrasound that you carefully tucked inside your wallet. A new material for the album you’re putting together to give her on her 18th birthday. It made your smile grow wider as you walked outside where your landlords waited for you. The elderly couple couldn’t afford help around the house and rented a room to pay in exchange for it. They welcomed you so quickly and even drove you to your appointments.

Their faces were full of expectation as you showed them the picture in your wallet as you all walked towards the car. They talked excitedly about the nursery you’ve started building in the next room they so kindly let you take even when the agreement was just one room , while trying to point similarities in the blurry image. Losing a child is a slow death but your presence brought joy to their life as they started seeing you as their own. You were so happy with Albert but this simple happiness was everything you’ve ever wanted.

Darling don't you cry

Head fast toward the light

Foolish men have tried

But only you have shown me how to love being alive

Albert stood in front of umbrella’s HQ with gritted teeth. He hated needing to return there for help , it felt like a wound to his pride that he needed to go back there to get results. His work as STARS captain and connections in the underworld should’ve been enough to find you but you used your intimate knowledge of how he works to disappear from his sight.

The last option was to use Umbrella’s world wide connection in the field of medicine to find you. It irks him that it’s been 8 months since you’ve left without a trace. The more time goes by , the more his desire for you increases. He wanted - no needed you by his side. He walked inside thinking of all the punishments he’d do once he got his hands on you.

Your labor came in full force as you were making dinner for your new found family. Screaming loud enough to alert the entire street. The pain was so intense it made you so thankful to have people around you to instruct you to breathe as they moved away outside. It felt like forever but also instant. The contractions pain was so intense as you’ve been pushed by the nurse toward the hospital room. She helped you get up on the bed as the doctor started examining you.

“10cm dilated , we need you in delivery now.”

An oxygen mask was placed on you as they pushed the bed toward the delivery room , the pain made the sounds feel so far away while the doctor firm hand held your shoulders for comfort.

Your mind kept passing out during it and as the hours went by , a small scream filled the room.

Laying back exhausted , sweaty , and shaking you watched the doctor carry the smallest baby you’ve ever seen.

You blinked the tears away as she was put between your arms. She was pink all over and felt so small between your arms. If someone could die of joy , then you would’ve dropped dead then and there. She stopped sobbing the moment you held as if she knew which made you sob in return. The warmth of her between your arms made all the pain emotional and physical worth it.

“I have to say , this is the fastest birth I’ve ever been in. It’s almost as if your child stopped you from feeling the pain until you were ready for birth. Most women feel contractions a day before the actual labor.”

The doctor said as she looked down at you both with clear curiosity. You smiled and hugged her towards you. Her blonde head similar to her dad stood out against her pinkish skin. You patted her hair so softly as your finger came down to trace her features as gently as possible. her eyes slowly opened revealing ocean blue eyes while her small hand wrapped around the offending finger. Your heart melted as you planted a soft kiss on her forehead.

Until it's time to see the light

I'll make my own with you each night

I'll kidnap all the stars and I will keep them in your eyes

I'll wrap them up in velvet twine

And hang them from a fishing line

So I can see them any time I'd like

Albert Wesker died and was reborn hours later. His smile was so wide as he laughed maniacally at his fully recovered body. The self destruct system blared its sound over the speaker as he wiped the dust off his clothes confidently. He walked towards the umbrella's computer determined to get everything he needed to start over before leaving.

As he grabbed the copied files , an email arrived causing him to raise his eyebrows.

His heart skipped a beat as he held his breath for a second. Picture of you under a different alliance with an address , your medical file attached to it. Wrote down the address ignoring the files as he lacked time to read everything. He knows where you are now and he’s going to get his woman back.

Everything was perfect , the house was empty except you two with the owners going out for date night. You cooked food , fed your little ray of sunshine and put her to sleep in the nursery. The couch was welcoming as you sat and put the TV on, determined to enjoy the rare peace and quiet while keeping the baby monitor near.

Halfway through your popcorn , a sudden knock on your door distracted you. Cussing on the sounds , you got up quickly trying to open it before it wakes her up. Did they forget their keys ? You made sure to remind them before they left.

“I’m coming !”

A gun shoved in front of your face made you squeal as you took a step back in fear. A familiar voice called your name in shock as you stared back at the warm hazel eyes. You’re not sure who was more surprised at the encounter , you or Chris who broke into apologizes at your scared form.

“I’m so sorry ! This place was flagged by Umbrella system so I assumed wesker other bioweapon was …”

“What did you just say ?”

You cut him off trying to comprehend what you just heard , your address flagged ? Wesker ? Bioweapon ?

“Right. you don’t know, do you ?”

He said awkwardly as he caressed his neck while looking around.

“Can I come in ? I’ll explain everything.”

You opened the door welcoming him as he fiddled around nervously. A small cry came from the nursery as you headed there leaving him behind. She immediately calmed down as you held her close , sucking on her thumb staring at you with her clear eyes. She had a habit of waking up startled and calming almost instantly once you’re around. Hugging her tightly , you returned to the living room where Chris was still standing trying not to stare at you.

“Chis , meet baby Chris.”

He raised an eyebrow and you laughed.

“Alana Christina but we call her Chris.”

His steps were slow as he tried not to frighten the small bundle in your arms; however , she dropped her finger and gave him a sweet smile.

“She’s so cute, so it’s Alana Christian and your last name “

This made you giggle and invited him to sit next to you on the couch.

“Thank you ! And yes I wanted her middle name after someone precious to me. Now can you explain everything ?”

His face was filled with deep blush as he tried hard to contain a smile at the knowledge , he missed you terribly. He frowned as he remembered why he was here in the first place, you knew nothing of Umbrella and wesker deeds yet they ran a check on your address whatever it is , he’ll keep you safe this time even if it cost his life.

Darling don't you weep

There's a place for me

Somewhere we can sleep

I'll see you in your dreams

Wesker looked around the street he arrived on in disgust. The place was backward to say the least , with barely any modern houses or decent streets. The ride was bumpy, stopping him from working through it like he usually does and no decent hotel was near either. Finding you asap was his first priority and it took him longer than he liked to locate the middle of nowhere hospital that had your file.

Through it , he tried to check the old signs for any address as this was more of a village than a small town really. It was filled with elderly people coming to retire instead of people trying to live in and build a community. He stepped out of the car as they arrived in the small cabin that had you in it , a car parked in front with the lights still on. A twisted smirk took over as he felt the anger , betrayal , sexual frustrating all raise within him at once. He wanted to wring your neck but also fuck your brains out on the spot.

Taking a deep breath to regain his composure , he kicked the door down, refusing to give a chance to flee again. He looked around the empty living room in a frown before he moved towards the kitchen but it was laughably bare. All the food was gone and the fridge wasn’t even on. His eyes snapped open in anger as he almost tore the nearest bedroom off it hinges to be met with the same thing.

The bed was bare without a mattress , whoever lived in it had clearly moved not long ago judging by how dust free it was. Blinding fury filled his vain like a poison making him lose his self control , throwing the pieces on the wall breaking them in pieces. The next room was completely bare , with only baby pink walls to stand out from the old paint around. He kicked the door in half as he advanced toward the exit , it didn’t matter where you went. Sooner or later you’ll be under his thumb and you’ll pay for everything.

Looking around the new place in curiosity while your new roommate carried everything you needed inside , you were quite impressed with everything. For an apartment for a bachelor , the place was clean and had a pleasant scent to it. You didn’t know what to expect when Chris invited you to live with him for protection but you appreciated it anyway. Baby Chris was gooing and copying your expressions, seeming at ease with the whole transition. Your doctor told you she's an extremely impressive child , hitting all milestones early - too early - making you uncomfortable with her tone.

The doctor expected you to let her run tests on your toddler to determine how she’s so advanced compared to her peers and see how her health almost never declines. Did the doctor flag you and your child ? Did she want to run experiments on your baby girl turning her into a bio weapon ? You shuddered in shock before sitting down on the recliner in the middle of the room. You didn't feel comfortable finding your own room without Chris fearing to invade his privacy.

As your thoughts ran wild , a sharp pain stabbed your heart as the memory of your friend informing you about the death of your lover - ex lover. Your bottom lips started shaking as you tried to hold back from the ugly sobs trying to break free. You were too worried about getting to safety and switching countries to process the fact that your Al was gone. He wasn’t yours by any mean but he held such a special place for your heart , one that no one could ever replace. A soft sound came from your lap , as you precious Alana patted your cheeks in an attempt to comfort you.

Alana Christina was an odd combo but you loved it. Alana for your Albert , she was the fruit of your love after all. The middle name wasn’t something you cared much for but Christina was the elderly couple's daughter's name and you could tell they wanted you to use it. Having Chris be your daughter's middle name was a comfort hoping she’ll get his sweet personality. Her small hand kept weakly hitting your cheek as a way to break you off your depressing thoughts.

You leaned in and kissed her soft face as she started giggling, infecting you with laughter as well.

Darling don't you cry

Head fast toward the light

Foolish men have tried

But only you have shown me how to love being alive

#albert wesker x reader #Chris redfield x reader #resident evil x reader #resident evil #tw pregnancy #tw child birth

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facelessxchurch · 10 months

Text

Review/Rant: Official Merch Store

General Short Version

Remember how he said he would hire professional artists for the official merch store? Yeah, Landy lied bc of course he did. Pretty sure he designed this stuff himself. I mean, a too big amount of items are his doodles.

I didn't expect much, didn't even hope for merch for my favs, but I expected at least some new SP art instead of recycled art (some art is so old it's still from when the first trilogy was released) and well, text.

And no, Landy's shitty 5-second doodles of Skul and himself don't count as "art". Neither does the skull silhouette on some items. Couldn't even be arsed to add eye socks and nose smh :/

3 pages full of garbage merch. He really went for quantity over quality here.

And to add further insult to injury, the prices of the items he sells are heavily overpriced.

So yeah, this entire store is a sign of disrespect and balant insult to the fandom. I hope no one buys this.

Long Version

The Notebooks/-pads

Too much empty space. WAY too much empty space. You couldn't possibly have done this in a lazier way.

The sarcasm one is hardly even SP-related. Plus, he didn't even attempt to pretty the text up a little with typography. He didn't use the 'bold' font for "Caution" which would have been the bare minimum. This doesn't even count as trying.

I TRIED to make the two with characters on it a little better by reducing the empty space, but it's really hard to polish a turd. Especially if ya don't wanna put more than 5 min in lol

Totem Bags

This store has totem bags, but they are worse than the Kickstarter one. At least the Kickstarter one had text big enough that you could read it from afar. For the text on the new ones, you'll need a magnifying glass.

Clothing

Some of the text has the same problem as the totem bags: too small to read. The only time text should be that small is if it isn't meant to be read or when it's "if you can read this you're too close" T-Shirt. This applies especially to A6.

If you have B2 you don't need B1. What happened here? Did he have an item amount quota to reach?

A3, B3 and C3 are Landy's shitty 5 second doodles again. Unless they are used to signed the cloths they don't belong on the clothes. Pay for a custom design, you cheap ass scammer!

A4 and A5, the stripe with Skul should be thicker. If it's on a shirt you shouldn't need a magnifying glass to see it. Also, the blue stripe needs more contrast, the blue is eating the black outlines of Skul. The red stripe on the blue shirt... I just really don't like that blue tone and I hate that he doubled down on it. For the website too.

C1 should have had the sold letters bc you can't read it from further away with that effect on top.

C2 at last you can read this one. Not getting any creativity points from me tho. Once again it's just text and probably took him 5 seconds to design.

Now listen, here is what I want instead. I have this zip-up hoodie from Killstar. I love and essentially I want this but in SP.

Faceless One version: The symbol on the front is the Faceless Church symbol. The back is a picture with Mev in the middle and his generals around him and it's done in the style of those stained glass windows you see in Christian churches but black and white. I don't know what I want on the sleeves. Maybe bursts of flames, symbolizing Mev's fire attacks. Or perhaps just parts of the 'Gospel of the Faceless' scribbled along on the arms in English, Latin or even Irish??? Or one arm a snake to symbolize Nef and the other a lion to symbolize Baron as his right and left hand men?

China Sorrows Version: The symbol in the front should be a crest with a scorpion on it. The back image is a drawing of China in the Art nouveau style. The arms should be a roll of paper curling down each arm with various symbols drawn on them, artfully intervening with each other.

Hats

I wouldn't say that "We don't talk about vampires" is one of the more iconic quotes of the series, but besides that not even an attempt was made at typography. Or like, a little vampire head silhouette with an open mouth and exposed fangs. or even just fangs around the text or anything at all even.

It doesn't assault my eyes, but it's also incredibly boring.

To the people saying they wanted to buy Skul's head: just go to a hat store and buy a fedora. It's gonna be better quality than whatever Landy would smack on the store for a criminal price.

Everything with his face on it

No. How full of yourself do you have to be to try and sell merch with your face on it. The quotes are awful too

The quotes on the postcards are so awfully 2012 Tumblr "quirky" I'm-not-like-other-people ^w^ edgy bullshit vibes. Wasn't cute when it came from the emo kids back then and it coming from a +50 year old man trying to be relatable to the kids these days is just sad and cringe.

Also, I'm pretty sure by sending people that greeting card is how you end relationships including familiar relationships.

Baby's first InDesign Skull

It's what it says in the title. Should have just used the iconic Skul logo instead to make it look like SP and less like random shit you can find on Etsy after reaching page 100.

Really should have just used the old school icon. Thee is a reason it's so iconic: it's easy to recognize as Skul and not random skull/skeleton number 5643489. Plus, using the old one is about the same amount of effort as making the new one.

Honestly, it should have been custom art, but the iconic SP icon would be the lesser evil by a far.

On top of hat, black text is hard to read on a red background js.

Also, what kind of chaotic evil alinged bastard uses a metal pencil case???

Prints

Ngl I always thought the "Mortail Coil" cover was one of the best of the entire series. I also really love the OG "Dark Days" cover. OG book covers as prints? Easy win! Still fucking overpriced tho. Plus the OG covers also would have looked good on clothing, way better than the shit he ended up slapping on there.

As for the collage with all of the characters in it: I always thought it looked awful. The characters were just thrown in there without much thought or care. Also hate that he used the ugly ass SoW Nef instead of the way better-looking Book 1 cover Nef.

Rainbow Ruler

This isn't even Skulduggery-themed. I feel like HarperCollins told Landy he had to put something in the store for the gays but instead of making something like a cute lil Valkyrie/Militsa pin he just smacked this into the store.

The Skulduggery Apron

The only thing that makes it SP-themed is that they smacked a sign saying "Cooking with Skulduggery" on it. Otherwise, it looks like every other skeleton apron you can get around Halloween.

Coaster

So empty and boring again. It looked way better with the moth eventho it was a "Silent of the Lambs" movie poster rip-off. Still don't know why a skull is the official Sanctuary logo. Seems kinda weird for the good guys. On a meta level: I guess literally EVERYTHING in universe has to revolve around Skulduggery.

Make the Sanctuary seal more interesting and then invert the values so the background if black and the lines are white and this could actually look decent.

Skulduggery Clock

This looks like a your-photo-here clock that you can order at every random print shop. Here are some examples from HP to show HOW a custom clock for the fans is meant to look like next to it. (Also look at this Thresh watch, it's so good I almost regret not wearing watches.)

Lunchbox and Waterbottle

Same thing as with the clock. Tho the water bottle also has too much white space.

Mouse-/Gamerpads

Recycled art again. The mousepads look weird with Val placed smack dead in the middle. Plz apply the rule of thirds and move her a little to the right.

Pillows and Bag

AGAIN WITH THOSE SHITTY DOODLES Someone tell Landy that if it takes about 5 seconds to draw it does NOT belong on merchendise!

Also, that floating "Bad Magic" Skul really doesn't work on it's own, Just... just use the damn Skul icon if you gotta be lazy.

Final Words

Overpriced lazy garbage that Landy definetely designed himself. No person with self-respect would even consider participating in this cash grab.

It's an insult to every fan, really.

How to fix this? Delete everything from the website, hire a professional artist, go for quality over quantity. A few items that sell really well are a million times better than a bunch of items that don't sell. If the shop goes well you can always expand.

Almost all of the store should have been custom art apart from a few exceptions where old promo art and book covers are used for tops and posters.

#skulduggery pleasant #sp merch #long post #well this was a waste of time #that I regret #I did not expect it to take this long #but there is just so much merch #and none of it good #rant #art rant

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