#and none of it good

[facelessxchurch]

Review/Rant: Official Merch Store

General Short Version

Remember how he said he would hire professional artists for the official merch store? Yeah, Landy lied bc of course he did. Pretty sure he designed this stuff himself. I mean, a too big amount of items are his doodles.

I didn't expect much, didn't even hope for merch for my favs, but I expected at least some new SP art instead of recycled art (some art is so old it's still from when the first trilogy was released) and well, text.

And no, Landy's shitty 5-second doodles of Skul and himself don't count as "art". Neither does the skull silhouette on some items. Couldn't even be arsed to add eye socks and nose smh :/

3 pages full of garbage merch. He really went for quantity over quality here.

And to add further insult to injury, the prices of the items he sells are heavily overpriced.

So yeah, this entire store is a sign of disrespect and balant insult to the fandom. I hope no one buys this.

Long Version

The Notebooks/-pads

Too much empty space. WAY too much empty space. You couldn't possibly have done this in a lazier way.

The sarcasm one is hardly even SP-related. Plus, he didn't even attempt to pretty the text up a little with typography. He didn't use the 'bold' font for "Caution" which would have been the bare minimum. This doesn't even count as trying.

I TRIED to make the two with characters on it a little better by reducing the empty space, but it's really hard to polish a turd. Especially if ya don't wanna put more than 5 min in lol

Totem Bags

This store has totem bags, but they are worse than the Kickstarter one. At least the Kickstarter one had text big enough that you could read it from afar. For the text on the new ones, you'll need a magnifying glass.

Clothing

Some of the text has the same problem as the totem bags: too small to read. The only time text should be that small is if it isn't meant to be read or when it's "if you can read this you're too close" T-Shirt. This applies especially to A6.

If you have B2 you don't need B1. What happened here? Did he have an item amount quota to reach?

A3, B3 and C3 are Landy's shitty 5 second doodles again. Unless they are used to signed the cloths they don't belong on the clothes. Pay for a custom design, you cheap ass scammer!

A4 and A5, the stripe with Skul should be thicker. If it's on a shirt you shouldn't need a magnifying glass to see it. Also, the blue stripe needs more contrast, the blue is eating the black outlines of Skul. The red stripe on the blue shirt... I just really don't like that blue tone and I hate that he doubled down on it. For the website too.

C1 should have had the sold letters bc you can't read it from further away with that effect on top.

C2 at last you can read this one. Not getting any creativity points from me tho. Once again it's just text and probably took him 5 seconds to design.

Now listen, here is what I want instead. I have this zip-up hoodie from Killstar. I love and essentially I want this but in SP.

Faceless One version: The symbol on the front is the Faceless Church symbol. The back is a picture with Mev in the middle and his generals around him and it's done in the style of those stained glass windows you see in Christian churches but black and white. I don't know what I want on the sleeves. Maybe bursts of flames, symbolizing Mev's fire attacks. Or perhaps just parts of the 'Gospel of the Faceless' scribbled along on the arms in English, Latin or even Irish??? Or one arm a snake to symbolize Nef and the other a lion to symbolize Baron as his right and left hand men?

China Sorrows Version: The symbol in the front should be a crest with a scorpion on it. The back image is a drawing of China in the Art nouveau style. The arms should be a roll of paper curling down each arm with various symbols drawn on them, artfully intervening with each other.

Hats

I wouldn't say that "We don't talk about vampires" is one of the more iconic quotes of the series, but besides that not even an attempt was made at typography. Or like, a little vampire head silhouette with an open mouth and exposed fangs. or even just fangs around the text or anything at all even.

It doesn't assault my eyes, but it's also incredibly boring.

To the people saying they wanted to buy Skul's head: just go to a hat store and buy a fedora. It's gonna be better quality than whatever Landy would smack on the store for a criminal price.

Everything with his face on it

No. How full of yourself do you have to be to try and sell merch with your face on it. The quotes are awful too

The quotes on the postcards are so awfully 2012 Tumblr "quirky" I'm-not-like-other-people ^w^ edgy bullshit vibes. Wasn't cute when it came from the emo kids back then and it coming from a +50 year old man trying to be relatable to the kids these days is just sad and cringe.

Also, I'm pretty sure by sending people that greeting card is how you end relationships including familiar relationships.

Baby's first InDesign Skull

It's what it says in the title. Should have just used the iconic Skul logo instead to make it look like SP and less like random shit you can find on Etsy after reaching page 100.

Really should have just used the old school icon. Thee is a reason it's so iconic: it's easy to recognize as Skul and not random skull/skeleton number 5643489. Plus, using the old one is about the same amount of effort as making the new one.

Honestly, it should have been custom art, but the iconic SP icon would be the lesser evil by a far.

On top of hat, black text is hard to read on a red background js.

Also, what kind of chaotic evil alinged bastard uses a metal pencil case???

Prints

Ngl I always thought the "Mortail Coil" cover was one of the best of the entire series. I also really love the OG "Dark Days" cover. OG book covers as prints? Easy win! Still fucking overpriced tho. Plus the OG covers also would have looked good on clothing, way better than the shit he ended up slapping on there.

As for the collage with all of the characters in it: I always thought it looked awful. The characters were just thrown in there without much thought or care. Also hate that he used the ugly ass SoW Nef instead of the way better-looking Book 1 cover Nef.

Rainbow Ruler

This isn't even Skulduggery-themed. I feel like HarperCollins told Landy he had to put something in the store for the gays but instead of making something like a cute lil Valkyrie/Militsa pin he just smacked this into the store.

The Skulduggery Apron

The only thing that makes it SP-themed is that they smacked a sign saying "Cooking with Skulduggery" on it. Otherwise, it looks like every other skeleton apron you can get around Halloween.

Coaster

So empty and boring again. It looked way better with the moth eventho it was a "Silent of the Lambs" movie poster rip-off. Still don't know why a skull is the official Sanctuary logo. Seems kinda weird for the good guys. On a meta level: I guess literally EVERYTHING in universe has to revolve around Skulduggery.

Make the Sanctuary seal more interesting and then invert the values so the background if black and the lines are white and this could actually look decent.

Skulduggery Clock

This looks like a your-photo-here clock that you can order at every random print shop. Here are some examples from HP to show HOW a custom clock for the fans is meant to look like next to it. (Also look at this Thresh watch, it's so good I almost regret not wearing watches.)

Lunchbox and Waterbottle

Same thing as with the clock. Tho the water bottle also has too much white space.

Mouse-/Gamerpads

Recycled art again. The mousepads look weird with Val placed smack dead in the middle. Plz apply the rule of thirds and move her a little to the right.

Pillows and Bag

AGAIN WITH THOSE SHITTY DOODLES Someone tell Landy that if it takes about 5 seconds to draw it does NOT belong on merchendise!

Also, that floating "Bad Magic" Skul really doesn't work on it's own, Just... just use the damn Skul icon if you gotta be lazy.

Final Words

Overpriced lazy garbage that Landy definetely designed himself. No person with self-respect would even consider participating in this cash grab.

It's an insult to every fan, really.

How to fix this? Delete everything from the website, hire a professional artist, go for quality over quantity. A few items that sell really well are a million times better than a bunch of items that don't sell. If the shop goes well you can always expand.

Almost all of the store should have been custom art apart from a few exceptions where old promo art and book covers are used for tops and posters.

[quynhorlose]

six days!!!!!! i have six days to write some actually decent stuff for the brother fic!!!!!!!!!!!!

[aphroditusiscorroded]

I love the idea that Bill’s manipulation tactics are horribly obvious but Ford is so socially inept that it works on him perfectly

“He was a masterful manipulator.”

No bestie he was just nice to you and you folded like a house of cards

[katsu28]

i have heard max on the radio way too much this race lmao

[essektheylyss]

"must a story have conflict?" yes. hope this helps <3

[secondbeatsongs]

for anyone too young to know this: watching The Truman Show is a vastly different experience now, compared to how it was before youtube and social media influencers became normal

before it was like, "what a horrifying thing to do to a human being! to take away their autonomy and privacy, all for the sake of profits! to create fake scenarios for them to react to, just to retain viewership! to ruin their happiness just so some corporate entity could harvest money from their very humanity! how could anyone do something so evil?"

and now it's like, "ah, yeah. this is still deeply fucked up, but it's pretty much what every influencer has been doing to their kids for a decade now. probably bad that we've normalized this experience"

[eldritchdemonfox]

If this post gets 10k notes by March, I will start taking better care of my health (something I have no motivation to do)

[datcravat]

[ronanlynchbf]

tshirt that says NO LIVE ORGANISM CAN CONTINUE FOR LONG TO EXIST SANELY UNDER CONDITIONS OF ABSOLUTE REALITY

[idliketobeatree]

dead boy detectives + text posts part 1/?

+ bonus

[hell0jon]

“First one to leave has to read the next statement”

It’s been 48 hours

[chloesimaginationthings]

FNAF Mikes and Vanessas talk about money struggles,,

[lilislegacy]

hot take: people on here hold percy to WAY too high of a standard. they either refuse to accept he has a real flaw or they call him a terrible person anytime he’s not the epitome of loveliness

like… he’s an asshole sometimes. why can’t people see that? why can’t people accept that? we don’t have to justify everything he does. has he been an asshole to annabeth? yes. has he been an asshole to nico? yes. was he TRYING to be mean? NO. he was either upset or uninformed or focused on bigger things. does it explain it? yes. does it excuse it? no. but it doesn’t mean he’s a horrible person. he’s just a PERSON.

it’s the same with annabeth. yes she’s prideful and condescending sometimes. okay…? AND?? she’s still a kinder and braver person than most of us will ever be. and same with nico. he is an amazing person but he has also done some things that are absolutely not okay. you know why? because no one is perfect. it’s okay to accept that our favorite characters do bad stuff but are still good people.

THEY ARE 50% HUMAN. WHY CAN’T THEY BE HUMAN?? LET THEM BE HUMAN. ITS OKAY TO NOT BE PERFECT ALL THE TIME 😭😭

[f88lfool]

My first anatomy tutorial. How I connect arms to the torso. Simplified the muscles for better comprehension

PS. Pectoral is misspelled as “pectorial” in the picture. Don’t make that mistake haha

And I’d love to see the art made from using these as reference, you can message or tag me.. whatever you want

Edit: The extended names of the muscles:

Neck - Sternocleidomastoideus

Traps - Trapezius

Lats - Latissimus Dorsi

[lordsovorn]

dunmeshi inner voices but it's all actual strengths of the characters

Senshi: maintain a balanced diet, listen to your body and be mindful of where your food is coming from. Don't take more than you need from the ecosystem, but remember that to live means to take.

Chilchuck: get paid upfront, get a contract, always have ways to protect your interests in a job, unionize.

Marcille: maintain good hygiene, and take care of your hair and clothes - it's nice and it's worth it. Things in the handbook are there for a reason, but tools aren't moral.

Laios: know your weaknesses and your strengths, and those of your friends. Rely on them and make sure they can always rely on you.

Falin: it's always worth to try kindness first, and to keep a heavy blunt object on hand if that doesn't work out.

Izutsumi: search for your own goals. Be open to change.

Kabru: make your own judgments, and then update them, rather than fit everything you see to your expectations. Act on your beliefs and judgements.

Shuro: always keep the cops in mind, never trust the cops. Know how to balance pressure and politeness in diplomacy.

Namari: maintain a balance between your personal and group interests. Act on your strengths.

Hien: you're staggeringly pretty as is

P. S. Banger post. Here are verified collections of links where you can donate to: Ukraine Syria Palestine

Chilchuck says: Do what you can from where you are. Every action matters, every dollar counts.

[tuttle-did-it]

You know, it's genuinely sad to me that aging favourite character actors no longer have any fun murder-mystery tv shows to guest-star as murders on.