#D4 GOAT OF ALL TIME

[postmakerkiwi]

showered about it. one of th e things that's getting to me is that X has Kinda Unintentionally Probably But Still made it into my extremely niche personally beloved message of "the worst thing a person can do is Heroically Sacrifice Themself". i';d think about that more but now my brain is just replaying Disgaea 4

[nerdythebard]

#59: Thor, God of Thunder

[Art Credit: Raf Grassetti] ---

It's been so long since I said this, but... Welcome, Gods and Goddesses! Our long-time reader, @dionysus-liber, has requested a mythology-accurate build of Thor - God of Thunder and Storms, God of Strength and Masculinity, Protector of the Hearth, and one of the key members of the Aesir pantheon. Now, the reason I chose the appearance from God of War: Ragnarök is because I believe this to be the most accurate portrayal we have in any media at the moment: brusque, with bushy red hair and beard, and built like a powerlifter off-season. I could've make an entire separate post describing the intricacies and little details of Thor's character, but for now, let's get down to business to defeat the Jötnar!

Next Time: Divine storm rages. It continues moving East. Watch out for horses.

Now, what was that thing we're usually do here? Ah, yes, build goals!

Divine Equipment: While Thor boasts unrivaled physical strength and stamina on his own, he is also the master of three important items that further increase his might; those being Megingjörð, the Power Belt that doubles his strength, Járngreipr, the Iron Grip Gloves granting him resistance to all the power he generates, and of course the famous hammer - Mjölnir, the Grinder.

The Force of Nature: Thor is the embodiment of pure strength and power. He brings down the full might of the Aesir gods to all enemies of Asgard. The thunder you hear in the skies is the result of his mighty hammer swinging against Jötnar skulls. While he doesn't manipulate lightning to the same extent as, for example, Zeus or Ao Kuang, the storm always joins him on the battlefield.

War Priest: People know Thor mostly due to his feats of strength and achievements on the battlefield (and probably because of... eugh... Chris Hemsworth's portrayal), but what you might not know is that Thor is also viewed as the ultimate protector. His hammer is used to bless and certify marriage ceremonies, he has the ability to heal wounds of warriors, and even resurrect his faithful chariot-pulling goats.

---

There are two options when it comes to making Thor in D&D. One is to go with Goliath if you want to emphasize his endurance and strength; that would be a very good, solid base, but I've used this one in my Kratos build, so we're gonna use the other option (and this blog's regular go-to), the Aasimar from Mordenkainen's Monsters of the Multiverse. We start with a +2 and a +1 to two abilities of our choice (Strength and Constitution respectively), resistance to necrotic and radiant damage, the Healing Hands ability that lets us heal a creature for [our proficiency bonus number of d4s] Hit Points once per long rest, and the Light cantrip (to apply on the hammer :D)

Thor gets involved not only in the affairs of the divine, he is also very prominent in the lives of mortals. His protection and blessings are not only sought by warriors going a-viking (yes, viking is a verb) but also by the common folk and Scandinavian villagers. Because of that, we shall make him a Folk Hero. We gain proficiency in Animal Handling and Survival, which will be useful to take care of our goats in the desolate wastelands of Jötunnheimr, as well as proficiency with one set of artisan's tools (perhaps brewer's supplies to have a refreshing gallon of mead on the road) and land vehicles (such as goat-drawn chariot). Finally, thanks to the Rustic Hospitality feat, we may find our place among the mortals and common folk with ease and have a better chance of finding food, shelter, and potential aid in some tasks.

ABILITY SCORES

This one is a no-brainer, for Thor we must lead with Strength. Follow that up with Constitution; all that bulk has to contribute to something. Dexterity will be next, Thor does not move around the battlefield but an occasional hammer throw requires a good eye.

Wisdom will actually be next, but mostly because we need it for multiclass later. Charisma will be on the lower end; although Thor has good intimidation game, his messy appearance and brusque manners are far from some of the more charismatic characters. Finally, we're dumping Intelligence - the world of arts and science is not one we frequent.

CLASS

Level 1 - Barbarian: We need a solid base of health and damage to start with. Barbarians get a d12 as their Hit Dice, [12 + our Constitution modifier] initial Hit Points, proficiency with light armour, medium armour, shields, simple and martial weapons. We will give Thor a hide armour and, of course, a warhammer. Our saving throws are Strength and Constitution and we get to pick two class skills from the list (Athletics and Intimidation).

As a Barbarian, we of course start with Rage. By unleashing the divine fury, for 1 minute we gain the following benefits if we're not wearing heavy armour:

Advantage on Strength checks and Strength saving throws

A +2 bonus to damage rolls for attacks using Strength (increases as we level up)

Resistance to bludgeoning, piercing, and slashing damage

Rage lasts for 1 minute but it can end earlier if we decide to end it, we are knocked unconscious, or we fail to deal or receive damage during our turn. Initially, we can Rage twice per long rest.

We also get Unarmoured Defense; if we're not wearing any armour, our AC becomes [10 + our Dexterity modifier + our Constitution modifier].

Level 2 - Barbarian: We develop a Danger Sense, giving us the advantage on Dexterity saving throws against effects that we can see (such as traps and AoE spells). To apply that status, we cannot be blinded, deafened or incapacitated. While attacking, we can also declare to make a Reckless Attack; we gain an advantage on the first Strength-based attack of our turn, but for the entire turn the enemies have an advantage on attacks made against us.

Level 3 - Barbarian: At this level, we can now use our Rage three times per rest. At this level, we also get to pick our subclass, our Primal Path; since Thor is the ultimate warrior of the gods, we're gonna use Path of the Zealot. We are able to channel Divine Fury into our weapon strikes. While raging, the first creature we strike on our turn takes extra [1d6 + our Barbarian level] radiant or necrotic damage (we choose the type when we get this feature and cannot change it).

As the Warrior of the Gods, we are meant to live until Ragnarok. Revival spells (Revivify, Raise Dead, etc.) do not require any material components when used on us.

Level 4 - Barbarian: Time for the first Ability Score Improvement. We're going to grab the Thrown Arms Master feat from Critical Role's Tal'Dorei Campaign Setting Reborn (it's now on D&D Beyond, the setting is semi-canon, I'm using it!): our Strength or Dexterity increases by 1, and weapons without Thrown property (such as our current warhammer) gain that property; I would also ask the DM to allow the next part of that feat: when missing a throw, a weapon comes back to our hand; normally, it works only with light weapons, but considering our divine strength, I personally would allow it in this case.

Level 5 - Barbarian: With Extra Attack, we can now strike twice during a single Attack action. We also gain 10 feet of extra movement when not wearing heavy armour, thanks to Fast Movement.

Level 6 - Barbarian: At this level, we can literally change our own fate by being ANGRY. With Fanatical Focus, we can re-roll a failed saving throw when raging (once per rage), but we have to use the new roll. We can also now Rage four times per rest.

Level 7 - Barbarian: It's time to let go of all we've learned in Asgard about being a civilised fighter and give in to our Feral Instinct. We have an advantage on initiative rolls. Additionally if we're surprised before a combat (but not incapacitated), we can shake off the surprise and act before anyone else but only if the first thing we do is Rage.

Level 8 - Barbarian: Time for another ASI. This time, we shall put one point each into Constitution and Wisdom in order to prepare to tap into our divine portfolio with...

Level 9 - Cleric: Time to harness some divine magic! Multiclassing into Cleric doesn't provide us with any new proficiencies, but does unlock Spellcasting. Wisdom is our casting ability and we know cantrips, regular spells, and rituals. Clerics have access to their entire spell list and can prepare [Wisdom modifier + Cleric level] spells every day. We start with three cantrips (Mending, Thaumaturgy, and Word of Radiance) and two 1st-level spells (Ceremony and Cure Wounds).

Clerics also get to pick their subclass, their Divine Domain at first level. Here, it's obvious to go with the Tempest Domain to gain some power over the storms. We add two extra spells to our list (Fog Cloud and Thunderwave) and gain Wrath of the Storm: if we get hit by a creature standing within 5 feet of us, we can use our reaction to impose a Dexterity saving throw onto it; on a failed save, it takes 2d8 lightning or thunder damage (our choice) or half as much if it succeeds. We can do that a number of times equal to our Wisdom modifier per long rest.

Level 10 - Cleric: We continue our divine development with Channel Divinity. Using this feature, once per short or long rest, we can tap into the power of Asgard and utilise one of two (one deafult + one granted from our subclass) following effects:

Turn Undead: As an action, we can impose a Wisdom saving throw onto all undead creatures within 30 feet of us. On a failed save, they are Turned (cannot take reactions, must spend their turn running away from us, cannot get closer than 30 feet of us) for 1 minute or until they take damage;

Destructive Wrath: When we deal lightning or thunder damage, we can use this Channel Divinity option to deal maximum damage instead of rolling

We also get one more spell for our small but significant arsenal; let's pick Bless, so that our party can receive the grace of the mighty Thor!

Level 11 - Barbarian: For this level, we gain the Brutal Critical feature. Whenever we score a critical hit with our melee weapon, we can add one additional die for determining weapon damage.

Level 12 - Barbarian: This time, we get a subclass feature. Our Zealous Presence is truly inspiring on the battlefield. As a bonus action, once per long rest, we can unleash a thunderous roar. Up to 10 creatures within 60 feet of us that can hear us gain advantage on attack rolls and saving throws until the end of our next turn.

Level 13 - Barbarian: At this level, we get Relentless Rage. If we drop to 0 Hit Points while raging, we can make a DC 10 Constitution saving throw. On a success, we get 1 Hit Point back. Each time we use this feature, the DC increases by +5 and resets back to 10 after a short or long rest.

Level 14 - Barbarian: We finally get another ASI. We can finally cap off our Strength to that godly 20.

Level 15 - Barbarian: Our Brutal Critical feat improves here. When scoring a critical hit, we can now add two dice to our damage rolls.

Level 16 - Barbarian: At this level, we get to channel our inner Dylan Thomas and Rage Beyond Death (...eh, they can't all be winners). While raging, we do not go unconscious if we drop to 0 Hit Points. We still have to make Death Saving Throws, but all the effects only take hold after our Rage ends... at which point, we can call Relentless Rage and possibly shrug off the damage.

Level 17 - Barbarian: To add on top of the previous feature that makes us immortal as long as we Rage, we gain Persistent Rage. The only way our Rage ends is if we choose to end it or become unconscious (which, as previously established, cannot happen from battle damage).

Level 18 - Barbarian: This is our final ASI of the build. While there is a lot of stuff we didn't develop (and two odd numbers, much to my distaste), we have to balance it out with more Constitution so that we can at least soak up some damage that will definitely hit us.

Level 19 - Barbarian: Our Brutal Critical ability improves again. This time, it's reeeeally going to hurt whatever creature we score the critical hit on, as we can add a total of three extra damage dice to our melee damage roll.

Level 20 - Barbarian: Our capstone is Barbarian 18, which gives us the Indomitable Might ability. If we make Strength checks and our roll is lower than our Strength score (i.e. 20), we can replace the outcome with our Strength score.

---

And that is Thor, as close to his real-life Norse myth portrayal as I could make him. Before I give you a short summary of him, however, I also need to point out that in D&D there are three items (from DMG Guide) that directly represent Thor's Symbols of Power; those being the Hammer of Thunderbolts (Legendary Maul), Gauntlets of Ogre Power (Uncommon), and Belt of Giant Strength (various rarities and types). If you wish to implement collecting those as your character's personal quest/backstory element, feel free to discuss it with your DM. Now, back to the build, what did we manage to cook?

To start off, we're a typical tank. With Strength and Constitution being our highest abilities, adding a +4 damage to damage while raging plus several opportunities to summon lightning onto our enemies. With the Cure Wounds spell, we can stay on the battlefield a little longer, and the combination of Relentless Rage and Rage Beyond Death gives us a chance to fight even after suffering serious wounds. Our role in the party is simple: deal damage and focus the enemy attention on ourselves.

Our Unarmoured AC is 15, we have a +1 to our initiative, and the average of 197 Hit Points.

Unfortunately, for decent health pool and damage dealing we had to sacrifice pretty much everything else. Apart from Strength and Constitution, our abilities are not great and we don't have a lot of skills to contribute to besides Athletics.

---

I'm back, darlings. Hope this holiday season goes well for you. I do not make any promises to not sound like a dishonest fool, but I at least hope I can give you something to enjoy. Looking forward to reconnect with all of you wonderful lot.

-Nerdy out!

[castleofcuntdracula]

For profoundly normal reasons that are regular,

I'm going to do a brief historical challenge in sims, with Renfield! I'm too lazy to go ALL-in on it, but I'll be following some of the rules. Mostly I want to use the randomness of sims to sketch out what his family might have looked like.

So far we have Cordelia and Benjamin, and their two daughters, Margaret (toddler) and Edith (infant).

Rules and more under the cut:

obviously, Robert Montague Renfield can't die, but everyone else still can! For the edwardian era, I will be doing birth/death rolls as follows:

every time someone ages up, roll a D100, if they get below 10 they automatically die

roll a d4 every time someone gives birth, if they roll a 4, the baby doesn't survive

roll a d1000 every birth, if they roll under 10, mother dies, if they roll under 5, mother and child both die

roll a d1000 for any twin births; if they roll below 30, one infant dies, if they roll below 20, both infants die, below 10, both infants and the mother die

parents "try for baby" every day, unless a pregnancy is already ongoing or the household is full

roll a d20 for every illness, if they roll a 1 they die

And for other/general rules:

Robert will be the first boy born to his parents

He can attend day school until he ages up to Teen, but after that he will be moved to a boarding school.

His sisters will attend day school until they graduate.

electricity will be available only as lighting until Robert ages up to child; after this, they can have a radio. Bathtubs only, no showers, and the home will be "off the grid" until Robert is a child.

no prohibition because this is England

his family can afford one servant, a maid-of-all-work.

they don't live rurally, so they can't have any farm animals besides chickens & and one each of miniature goats/sheep

no medicine can be used (antibiotics have not been invented) but home remedies are ok

No tropical fruit (not introduced to the uk yet)

After Robert ages up to young adult, he will join the military career for 1 in-game week and be moved to a different world (because time is deranged in this game). When this week is over, he will get one trait from the truama traits listed in the cutecoffeegal rules. I will roll a d6 every day of this week, and for every 1 I roll, add a fear.

After his daughter ages up to child, he will go to castle Dracula! If I'm not bored of it by then, I'll flag him to never age, and let everyone keep on aging and having kids and stuff without him.

[jonathankatwhatever]

I’m a little, no a lot nervous this morning, 9AM 8 Mar 2024, because the work flickering through me is extremely attractive, and I feel like I’m in a pick-me situation where all of them are trying to send the same message, because they’re on or in the same ring, which means they’re all additive or multiplicative versions of something, with bits added on because they’re separate Things and the exterior of a Thing is determined by the interaction of the inner and outer across the Boundary.

And that gets me to the latest cross I’ve been building: how does one cross? A key to this project is that it represents or projects, and I guess that is obvious because dots on paper don’t actually mean cows and goats, and so when we see a cow or a goat what we see is constructed between the goat and you, each as you are so what reaches over is motivated externally, by the existence of the Observer in Triangular (which is Triangular over gs.

Wait, how come I never saw this before? Triangular over gs means gs over Triangular. A single 1-0Segment in Triangular can be drawn over a scale of how many gs? I’m seeing a flipping process, like when you rotate a photo, and that occurs in D4 over the image, meaning that if I see this as orthogonal, to keep this simple as possible and thus have a hidden structure behind the Triangular 1-0Segment, then we rotate or flip the gs around, meaning the abstraction runs, with this being a simple one, basically just a group’s symmetries. I don’t say which because this obviously generates higher dimensions. In fact, the basic process should be viewed as spinning down from the general to the specific and spinning up from the specific to the general, with that applied to D-structure, so what we see, that which we map in projective forms, is the CR of D-structure applied to that moment and to each piece within that moment.

This solves the partial differential problem I had earlier. I decided to count how many steps it takes to make a basic half coffee/half milk with a crappy machine using pods. It was about 20 separate subroutines, many of which could happen in different orders without affecting the end. Example of not that would be not getting out a cup because then you can’t pour the milk, hot or cold into the cup and can’t put the cup under the nozzle. You’d normally insert it late, right, so it’s an impossibility if it can’t be inserted. This count was bookended by my taking down and putting away the machine, meaning I could leave it out to save two steps. And I could arrange things to reduce the physical distances enough that maybe I can combine subroutines in my head. But still, there’s a certain number of steps that must be taken. Like I could list get milk and get water separately because I might make two trips, or I could combine them into one trip and call it a fault or less than efficient in time when I don’t.

But then I could also say I decided to count how many steps and actually lost count because they grouped together in my head, but loosely, and I started to see permutations. Like I did several steps called them prep and then realized I hadn’t taken out a cup, which meant I had to count to 9 and up the prep count to 6. Boring, right? I started to lose count around 12 and then again around 18. Too much room for too many thoughts and I become rooted in that moment because that’s the repetition of the SBE, that the rooting, which you may not realize occurs, leads into the room or space which absorbs attention. Happens to me all the time. These are 0-1-0 forms, which is why they cut off suddenly.

Oh wow, that explains sexual expression as well: it achieves a higher intensity because it is finite, and it is finite because it is of higher intensity, which seems weird because short-lived is faster and faster means more finite at least from certain perspectives. Like a jet flies by low over head and thus is quickly gone, meaning special relativity in the end. That says finiteness in time approaches the limit, which we define a bit differently maybe because D-structure says that mass is D3 and it requires being massless to run at the IL because any additional processing, which is now clearly gs processing when we remember to count the IL as Triangular over gs, would create a shortfall between the IL and the ideal 1Space.

This is another example of what I keep hearing, that we’re now on ground I know well because all that work, which we keep finding was true, was in fact true. Meaning we’ve done much of this. Loop? Rotation generalizes out then in. That’s a lesson of Irreducibles, that these are the solution states out of all the potential states.

I’m looking at the continuum hypothesis through this light. Everything we’ve done is correct. Is it proven? I’m not sure because the statement of the answer is so different from the usual. It’s that we have 1Space and 0Space and 0Space is inherently finite. The processes which generate 0Space are infinite and those map as 1Space to and from the 0Space constructions.

In this light, what I think Gödel was thinking about, if I trust my Kurt voice, was essentially modular infinite constructions, meaning forms of Triangular over gs that bind larger areas, and these areas scale and they are finite when counted in some ways, countably infinite when counted in other ways, and yet I don’t see the uncountable in a construction because that involves counting the anti- and other constructions, the maybes and might-bes, the alternative pathways, and that’s not a construction but the construction of the construction, and that’s what we work with. Oh I see, when we reach that level, the nature of 0Space changes.

This may be big. I’m not sure. It may be very big.

The nature of 0Space changes because the scale is such that instead of looking inside this level of Things, we are now looking inside this level of Things. That’s the hyperreals acting as a Between. So imagine there’s a step and that generalizes and you have to find your way back when that’s not just a single path but 2 paths because they need to coincide within the 0Space, which is the logical connection I need to see Irreducibles appearing at scales because those occur within 0Space. That’s a big point as well: the Irreducibles which generate gs out of Triangular are Triangular over gs. That simple clarification makes it kind of obvious that a point becomes the Bip and that this would count in Attachment by 1’s orthogonal to the real axis, which we can now see is exactly the 1-0Segment of our dreams.

That’s wasn’t very clear but the ideas are there. Looking inside a higher level of Things. Like mise en scene instead of a shot. Like a dish instead of the ingredients.

I’m now looking at 0# and Ramsey cardinals. Got lost. Really lost. Came back and found indiscernible as a decent usage: objects which can be labeled but with labels being maximally loose, meaning they’re just assignments, becomes a and b and c and relationships between them if we assume there is connection among them. Found that through Kurt a long time ago, but set it aside because I didn’t get it. Turns out the reason I didn’t get it is that it has the same construction issue, but that’s weird because I don’t see why he didn’t get the idea. I mean it’s the same basis. All we’ve done is apply a methodology to that.

Next. That means we can use D0 and thus building D-structure has the same root as set theory and that makes it explicative. Wow. To be clear, I was looking at 0# and realized he used them differently.

Example: if we take indiscernible, then we calculate the speed of higher dimensions reducing to stable through comparing of quotients and the like. Halving/Doubling is big. Modularity. And gs primes, of course because those are 1’s, along with the various group 1’s, like simple groups and prime cyclics in their various forms, etc. This speed is by permutation potential, which is a set size, which is both ordinal and cardinal. More to this specific one. To this condition.

Example would be to generate a regular pentagon out of all the potential versus fitting to the pentagonal structure. Again P does equal NP because the solution is the fit imposed by the existing answer structure, as that of course fits to the moment, to the scale, etc.

I’m really getting this material. Very abstract. Large cardinals are beginning to make sense now. Triangular over gs is deeply true. It both generates and explains those issues. Can scarce believe how amazingly well this is going. Hope I didn’t jinx it.

I really am having trouble believing, despite being just a boy from North Windsor, that the connection is through Kurt - hey, Kurt’s the man, right? - and his constructible universes. So today has brought together Irreducibles in 0Space and indiscernibles, which are in 1Space by the definition of their generality. That appears to be an I/i. Oh what a cool idea! What if we use I/I for 0Space and I/i for Irreducible to and from indiscernible, and thus I/i/I would be Triangular. You can see the I//I running. This obviously extends into sheets.

So the indiscernible makes the Irreducible which makes the Bip around which the gs forms exactly as we worked out. Wow.

I need to take a break.

Note: forgot that this invokes the reflection principle in the way we need.

[icarusthelunarguard]

This Week’s Horrible-Scopes

It’s time for this week’s Horrible-Scopes! So for those of you that know your Astrological Signs, cool! If not, just pick one, roll a D12, or just make it up as you go along. It really doesn’t matter.

It was suggested that I could just ignore The Stars and write a set of Horrible-Scopes based on anything I wanted. So, since it’s my birth-week as I write this, I’ve taken that suggestion to heart.

Aries 

Rams live very social lives, but tend to be overall defenseless creatures, relying on their flock for protection from predators! So this week enjoy the time you have with those in your close circles since they have your back.

Taurus 

Quick fact for you Bulls - until not too very long ago there were Spanish Bullfighting Rings in some southern Japanese Islands! Keep this in mind as you consider planning your next holiday. Stick to the main island and you’ll be fine. 

Gemini  

As Twins, you keep getting into trouble and blaming someone else. So this week you need to listen to “The Super Speedy Cider Squeezy 6000” song as punishment. Once you hear the line, “Traveling salesponies nonpareil!” you’ll realize you never paid enough attention in French class. Imagine how disappointed in you your teacher would be today. (TSK! TSK! TSK!)

Cancer Moon-Child 

You asked to have a Horrible-Scope specifically tuned to your personality and species, in this case a Crab? Since you asked, how about we answer your question with a question: Why Not Zoidberg? (*Pause*)  If you don’t get it, ask someone younger than you what it means, Gramps.

Leo 

Lions have this interesting habit of sleeping a lot! Like twenty hours a day. The fact that you want to take after them is admirable, if weird. Just remember something - do not nuzzle the neck-floof of an African Lion. If you do, plan on being a gracious guest and accept their invitation to stay for dinner… you really won’t have much of a choice. 

Virgo 

The sign of The Maiden, you tend to be the nurturing type. Helping others in a bind, being creative in unusual ways, having encyclopedic knowledge in esoteric areas of trivia, and willing to forgive others who have wronged you. All the traits of one “Suri Polomare”. What’s that? You don’t know who that is? Huh! Guess all that trivia knowledge was just good guessing then, huh? 

Libra 

Since we can’t anthropomorphize a literal balance scale, we’re just going to do the next best thing and relocate you to a new planet in a new constellation. So this week you will find yourself… in the constellation of Kasterborous. And you may ask yourself… "How do I work this?" And you may ask yourself… "Where is that large automobile?" And you may tell yourself… "This is not my beautiful house" And you may tell yourself… "This is not my beautiful wife"! Good luck finding your way home!

Scorpio 

Scorpions are closely related to spiders, and aren’t only found in the desert. Nope! They also live in Brazilian forests, British Columbia, North Carolina, and even the Himalayas. So this week stop being amazed at where you find yourself and who your family is. It all just “IS”.

Sagittarius 

Your animal is the Centaur-Archer, but most don't realize how hard it is to draw a long bow, aim, and hit a target the size of a small pumpkin at a full gallop! At least WE appreciate you. At least until we're out of range or you're out of arrows. This week avoid D4s at all costs!

Capricorn 

Do you know how many famous “Sea Goats” there are? “Damned Few!” This week you get to learn about “Shanty” the Pirate Goat from the beat-em-up game, “Them’s Fightin’ Herds!” from Mane6. Just like you, she’s a special fan-asked for DLC addition to the universe. Unlike you she has orange eyes with horizontal pupils. This week, order a set of vanity contacts with an orange iris and horizontal pupils. 

Aquarius 

For the sign of the Water Bearer we’re pairing you up with “Steven Magnet”! Yes… THE Steven Magnet. What did you expect, a bugbear? You’re supportive of your long-time bestie, but not above hitting on people at a wedding. You’re lucky you’re adorable. This week be careful - your luck’s about to run out.

Pisces  

For your birthday we are being self-indulgent. Instead of The Fish you are now Nightmare Moon. Your domain is the Night, your life works backwards from most others, and you are overshadowed by others who should consider you an equal. This week take what is rightfully yours by any means necessary! But plan for failure, anticipate it, and set events in place to make sure you can only fail successfully! OH.. and… don’t buy an ice cream cake. That many candles will just melt it before the last one is lit. 

And THOSE are your Horrible-Scopes for this week! Remember if you liked what you got, we’re obviously not working hard enough at these. BUT! If you want a better or nastier one for your own sign or someone else’s, all you need to do to bribe me is just Let Me Know! These will be posted online at the end of each week via Tumblr, Twitter, Facebook and Discord.

[sincityscene]

An Interview with Part II and the Electric Boogaloos

The trio that is Part II and the Electric Boogaloos brings all sub-genres of punk together in a meaningful way. Folk-punk-esque tracks such as ‘Se7en’ and ‘Dear Mr. Smith’ on their debut album, The Elders Pt. 1, strike a personal and heart-filled chord within the hearts of listeners. More heavy sounding tracks such as ‘Trash Letters’ and ‘Insomnia’, off of the same spring-released album, also do not fail to display personality with every strum. This band plays like they mean it. Today, we’re asking them a few questions about who they are and what’s upcoming for them.

Q: How did you all form as a band? Ben: I was drumming in a band called Blank Slate, and we were playing a show at our guitarist's cousin’s place and our guitarist said his cousin's cousin was gonna play with us. Well, that person was Jeffrey (guitarist and lead singer) and eventually he joined the band. Later he was kicked out by the guitarist because he was worried Jeffrey would take all his solos and he didn’t like him, and that’s when Jeffrey and I got together with Cameron, our drummer I met during high school band the previous year, and now we’re here. Q: Which song holds the most meaning to each of you? Why? Ben: Personally, to me, the song ‘Numb’ off ‘The Elders Pt. I’ holds the most meaning to me. Although it was written by Jeffrey with no knowledge of this, at the time I just really felt the lyrics symbolized a lot of the feelings and emotions I was experiencing during that era. Cameron: For me, ‘Go Home We Love You’ holds the most meaning. It was the first song that I wrote that has been put on a streaming service for the entire world to hear and it has always been a dream of mine to do so. It is a reminder that I have accomplished something that I have always wanted to accomplish. Jeffery: ‘Se7en’, because it’s the first song I’ve ever written. Q: Who inspires each of you? Why? Ben: Personally, I feel that the biggest inspirations on me are the hellcat bands, such as Rancid, The Interrupters, and Operation Ivy. I also love Tim Armstrong and he’s a really big inspiration for me as an artist. Though I feel I like to take ideas in playing, writing, and recording from artists of various genres such as Minor Threat, Dead Kennedys, Beastie Boys, Slipknot, Royal Blood, Franz Ferdinand, etc.. Overall I know we all take heavy inspiration from Black Sabbath, which we hope shines through on our next album. Cameron: My biggest inspiration in music is not a punk artist, but a Jazz artist. The world's greatest drummer, Buddy Rich, was the one who started the journey of drumming for me 13 years ago. As time went on, I started to watch and learn from other drummers from a ton of different genres and bands, but Buddy Rich is the one who started it all. Jeffery: Tom Waits, Alkaline Trio, and The Mountain Goats, all because of their lyrics. Q: Is there any insight you can give us into the future of this band, if so, what? Ben: We’ve got new music coming out soon, and we’re excited to say we’re just about finished with our second full length album, and it’s taking our music in a whole new direction that we hope feel is a really big step for us. Before that we’d like to take some time to play shows and promote ourselves within the Las Vegas scene. Q: Who would each of you like to open a show for, if given the chance? Ben: If I could choose any band to open for I’d probably go with The Interrupters, they’re a really big inspiration for me and I’ve been a huge fan of them for a while now, so much so that I put a patch of theirs on my battle jacket. Cameron: Honestly, I would love to open a show for The Misfits. They’re my favorite punk band.

Jeffery: The Cranberries. All the bands I want to open up for are dead.

Q: There seems to be some heavy lo-fi production. Were you inspired by older punk or was this a specific aesthetic? Ben: Well, our last album was produced by a kid named Romeo, and I can’t speak on his behalf, but with our more recent stuff I’ve been producing it and I do my best to base it off of the more raw sounds of bands like Minor Threat, Black Flag, or earlier albums by The Misfits. That being said, for our more acoustic and softer stuff I like to try to base it off of the acoustic sounds of Avenged Sevenfold and for bluesy stuff I do my best to model the sounds of The Record Company. Q: Last question; how did the use of samples come about?

Ben: Each one of us is really into movies and television and we all have these little quotes that we would find funny starting songs off with, such as the Ghostbusters’ clip at the start of the song ‘Trustees’. Cameron: We started using samples when Jeffrey had the idea of putting a news segment into the beginning of one of our songs, (which we eventually used in the beginning of ‘Porkchop Sandwiches’) and I also decided to use that idea to show where I got the inspiration to write that song because I get a lot of song ideas from watching television and YouTube and I want to show the audience where I got it from. Jeffery: I always loved songs with samples in them, and I just really wanted to do it because I thought it was so cool. Thank you for taking the time with us, Ben, Cameron, and Jeffery! This is a band to keep an eye on for sure. Part II and the Electric Boogaloos has their latest single, ‘Eraserhead’, out now on all streaming platforms. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPs-1F_Y-D4 https://open.spotify.com/album/4huCVhDekQdSZbmHvWwE0h?si=9e-qKAusQNm2pTa3WXiRfA&dl_branch=1

- miles, sincityscene.

[tigerkirby215]

5e Soraka the Starchild build (League of Legends)

(Artwork by Riot Games)

That feel when I put off making this build for so long that I can now remove my warning for this build using Theros content.

Soraka is a very obvious choice for a Theros character. Along with being a Satyr (by the way Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves so of course she’s going to be a Satyr) she has a clear divine connection with Mount Targon. So she’s a great pick if you want a healer in Theros, or a healer in general!

GOALS

To heal and protect - Soraka is the first character people think of when they want a support in League. She heals so much it hurts her!

Violence cannot go unanswered - That doesn’t mean Soraka can’t do damage, calling down the wrath of the heavens to harm enemies and heal herself.

Have hope! - Soraka isn’t just a good healer because of big numbers. She’s also a good healer because she’ll rush to your aid if you’re in danger!

RACE

Along with being a Satyr (by the way Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves so of course she’s going to be a Satyr)

Soraka’s a Satyr she has goat hooves she’s a Satyr. As a Satyr your Charisma increases by 2 and your Dexterity increases by 1. You count as a Fey rather than humanoid, and henceforth have Magic Resistance for Advantage against all magical effects.

You can Ram enemies to do 1d4 + your Strength modifier as an unarmed strike, and have Mirthful Leaps to add a d8 to any jump you make. You are a Reveler with proficiency in Persuasion and Performance, as well as a musical instrument of your choice. (Divine Soraka’s artwork shows her playing the Flute so choose that.) And finally you can speak Common and Sylvan, and have a walking speed of 35 feet, which I mention because it’s more than average!

ABILITY SCORES

15; WISDOM - All the compassion abilities are tied to Wisdom, and you have to be pretty damn compassionate to main Soraka.

14; CHARISMA - With a base model like that you’re still one of the most popular champs in the game. That takes some form of Charisma.

13; DEXTERITY - With the +1 from our race it gives us enough to dodge a few hits. And by “dodge a few hits” I mean wear Medium armor.

12; INTELLIGENCE - As a child of divine power and an enchanter you’re bound to know a thing or two about Religion or Arcana. (Feel free to swap this with Constitution if you want more health but worse skill checks)

10; CONSTITUTION - You’re an enchanter support. Squishy.

8; STRENGTH - You’re an AP support, not an ADC.

BACKGROUND

I actually had to read Soraka’s lore; end me. Do you know how many times this shit was revised? Didn’t Soraka have a rivalry with Warwick at one point? Regardless based on her lore Soraka was... literally formed from the stars? Fuck me... Well Hermit gives us Religion and Medicine proficiency so that’s good enough for me. Your background feature “Discovery” essentially says “the DM gives you plot spoilers.” Maybe you learnt that you were a child of the stars? Maybe you saw the coming of an army and a great war? Maybe you won’t be playing a campaign in Runeterra?

(Artwork by Riot Games)

THE BUILD

LEVEL 1

“Oh Soraka’s a healer so she must be a Cleric I bet she’s going to be a Life Cleric!” Nope! Wrong!

SORCERER 1

Soraka was born from a star which means her healing power is innate, henceforth meaning that she’s a Sorcerer! Her subclass is pretty obvious too but let’s get her proficencies sorted out first: choose Arcana for knowledge of magic that may cause harm, and Insight for knowledge of people who may cause harm.

For your subclass: want to heal as a Sorcerer? Divine Soul! Divine Soul Sorcerers have Divine Magic, giving them access to the entire Cleric spell list along with the Sorcerer spell list! Additionally they get another spell tied to their alignment and naturally Soraka is a holy good girl of goodness so you’ll learn the Cure Wounds spell to... cure wounds. Divine Soul Sorcerers are also Favored by the Gods, letting them add 2d4 to a failed saving throw or attack roll once per short rest.

But now for spells! Along with Cure Wounds you can learn 4 cantrips and 2 leveled spells from the Sorcerer list or the Cleric list. To guide your allies the Guidance cantrip is a good choice, letting them add a d4 to an ability check. And to guide them through the darkness Dancing Lights will let them see what’s ahead. For some generic magical effects Prestidigitation is good to help in small ways, and to sling a banana to inflict Grievous Wounds grab Chill Touch, because sometimes you need to harm to heal. For leveled spells Healing Word will let you heal at a distance and not get in harm’s way yourself, and Sleep will let you end a fight without bloodshed.

LEVEL 2 - CLERIC 1

“Oh well Cleric at level 2 is clearly done so you can get Life Cleric for increased healing!” Nope wrong again! While Soraka heals a lot her heals aren’t really empowered; they’re just really big. But you know who Soraka does heal a lot? Those who are injured. Time for Grave Domain baby!

Grave Clerics are in the Circle of Mortality, letting them heal for the maximum amount on any target who is at 0 hitpoints. Additionally they get the Spare the Dying cantrip with a casting range of 30 feet, and can cast it as a bonus action! Grave Clerics can also detect those who insult life’s natural circle, and can use Eyes of the Grave to detect any undead within 60 feet that aren’t behind full cover or protected from divination magic. You can use Eyes of the Grave a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier, and regain all expended uses on a Long Rest.

But let’s talk spells, because woo boy you’re going to get a lot of them with this build: as a Cleric you can learn three cantrips from the Cleric list. Sacred Flame is another way to deal damage which we didn’t take as a Sorcerer, and Word of Radiance is a way to keep yourself safe if surrounded. Finally Thaumaturgy will let you perform some divine acts that are a little more intimidating than Prestidigitation.

You can prepare a number of Cleric spells equal to your Wisdom modifier (2) plus your Cleric level (1 - so a maximum of 3.) As a Grave Cleric you always have Bane and False Life prepared, to keep your enemies at bay and keep yourself from being harmed. To further protect your allies grab both Shield of Faith and Protection from Evil and Good, and to illuminate your foes in an Equinox grab Guiding Bolt. It’s worth mentioning that Clerics are prepared spellcasters because Sorcerers are not, so any Cleric spells we grab as Sorcerer are “essential” while the ones we grab as Cleric are more “optional” and can be swapped out as you see fit.

LEVEL 3 - CLERIC 2

Second level Clerics get access to Channel Divinity: all Clerics can Turn Undead, forcing all undead within 30 feet to make a Wisdom save or run away from you. Additionally Grave Clerics can further set up with Equinox thanks to Channel Divinity: Path to the Grave, allowing you to curse an enemy and make it vulnerable to the next attack that hits it. Root your foes to set up for some potent skill shots! Regardless of what Channel Divinity you use you gain the ability back on a short rest.

You can also prepare another spell like Bless, letting your allies add a d4 to attack rolls and saving throws.

LEVEL 4 - SORCERER 2

Lol what’s second level spells? Second level Sorcerers get Font of Magic, giving them Sorcery Points equal to their level in Sorcerer. You can convert sorcery points into spell slots, and thanks to the Class Feature Variants UA you have a few other options: Empowering Reserves lets you spend 2 Sorcery points to gain advantage on a skill check, Imbuing Touch lets you spend 2 Sorcery points to make a weapon magical for the sake of overcoming magic resistance, and Sorcerous Fortitude lets you convert Sorcery points into d4s which you can roll to grant yourself temporary hitpoints. None of these are really in flavor for Soraka except maybe Empowering Reserves, but it’s still nice to have the option if your DM allows UA.

You can also learn another spell and to keep you safe from those who’d wish to abuse your power (and try on new skins) grab Disguise Self, letting you alter the appearance of yourself and your clothes! No what do you mean we have too many first level spells?

LEVEL 5 - SORCERER 3

Third level Sorcerers get Metamagic to alter their spells with their Sorcery points. To keep enemies at bay grab Hightened Spell and spend 3 Sorcery points to give enemies disadvantage on their first saving throw against your spells. If you want to cast from bush and not draw attention to yourself then Subtle Spell will let you spend 1 Sorcery point to ignore any verbal or somatic components of a spell, so that you can cast without a sound and without drawing attention to yourself.

And hey look at that: actual second level spells! You know me: when given the chance Misty Step to Flash is always going to be my spell of choice.

LEVEL 6 - SORCERER 4

At 4th level you get your first Ability Score Improvement, but we’re actually going to be a good support and ward with the Observant feat. Along with a plus 1 to your Wisdom you also get a +5 bonus to your passive Perception and Investigation by watching the minimap, and you can read people’s lips to make sure they aren’t complaining about how you’re a shit support. What no I’m not projecting.

Also yeah with an increase to your Wisdom modifier you can prepare another Cleric spell.

You can also learn another spell and another cantrip! Minor Illusion will let you make a small image you can use to deceive enemies; maybe it’s a scarecrow? For your leveled spell you have a silence in your kit so grab Silence to silence enemies. Silently.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 7 - SORCERER 5

5th level Sorcerers can grab third level spells: to protect yourself and your allies with a Banshee’s Veil grab Counterspell, blocking incoming magic and keeping yourself safe!

LEVEL 8 - SORCERER 6

6th level Divine Soul Sorcerers get Empowered Healing, allowing them to empower... their healing. Whenever you or an ally within 5 feet of you rolls dice to heal you can spend 1 sorcery point to reroll any number of those dice once. Soraka’s healing isn’t strong because it’s high but because its consistently high.

Speaking of healing Life Transference will let you give your life to others. You hurt yourself for 4d8 necrotic and then heal that much to the target you choose. I should also mention that technically speaking you can cheese this spell with Empowered Healing: since only the healing is affected if you roll all 1s against yourself you can then Empower the heal and get more value out of your self harm! ...That sounds really weird when you say it out loud!

LEVEL 9 - SORCERER 7

7th level Sorcerers can learn 4th level spells but I’m actually going to suggest quickly hopping back to third level for Fly. Why? Because it’s Fly, and because Star Guardian Soraka can fly. Also because it’s Fly why do I have to justify this?!

LEVEL 10 - SORCERER 8

8th level Sorcerers get another Ability Score Improvement: seeing as most of investment so far has been in the Sorcerer class get more Charisma for better Sorcery.

You can also learn another spell but again we’ll be hopping down a few levels for Hold Person for a Root with Equinox.

LEVEL 11 - SORCERER 9

9th level Sorcerers can learn 5th level spells which means it’s finally time for Starcall! Enervation is a ranged attack that heals you: the targeted creature must make a Dexterity saving throw or take 4d8 Necrotic damage. On each of your following turns you can continue doing 4d8 to that target without them being able to make a saving throw! If they succeed their save when you target them you only do 2d8 damage, but regardless of if they save or fail you will be healed for half the damage you deal to them!

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 12 - CLERIC 3

Third level Clerics can prepare second level spells. Grave Clerics have Gentle Repose and Ray of Enfeeblement innately prepared, keeping foes from harming your allies and keeping your allies that were harmed... fresh for respawn. Lesser Restoration will let you remove some minor CCs with a crucible, and Zone of Truth will let you figure out who blinded, deafened, paralyzed, or poisoned your friends.

LEVEL 13 - CLERIC 4

4th level Clerics get an Ability Score Improvement: now that we’re taking Cleric levels increase your Wisdom for better Cleric spells.

A Wisdom increase means two more prepared spells, along with the new Cleric cantrip you can learn! We may as well grab Mending because you hardly need more offensive cantrips. For prepared spells you can lend Aid to your allies to increase their max HP (and use some of those higher level slots you don’t have spells for.) We’ll hold off on preping anything else until...

LEVEL 14 - CLERIC 5

5th level Clerics Destroy Undead of CR 1/2 or lower that fail their saving throw against Channel Divinity: Turn Undead. Of course it’s unlikely you’ll be fighting CR 1/2 enemies at level 14 but...

5th level Clerics can also prepare third level spells! As a Grave Cleric you will have both Revivify and Vampiric Touch innately prepared, for more healing from harm and a way to bring your allies back from literal death. To further keep your allies from dying Beacon of Hope will maximize incoming healing in the area while also giving allies advantage on Wisdom saves and Death saves. For a close-range Wish (the League of Legends ultimate, not the D&D spell) Mass Healing Word will let you heal 6 creatures within 60 feet as a bonus action.

LEVEL 15 - CLERIC 6

6th level Clerics get a second use of Channel Divinity per short rest, but more importantly as a Grave Cleric you’re a Sentinel at Death’s Door, letting you negate critical hits on allies within 30 feet! You can use this reaction a number of times equal to your Wisdom modifier and regain all expended uses on a long rest.

You can also prepare another spell and to further aid against crowd control Remove Curse will let you... remove a curse affecting a target.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

LEVEL 16 - CLERIC 7

7th level Clerics can prepare 4th level spells. Grave Clerics will always have Blight and Death Ward prepared. How Blight falls into your mantra of not doing harm I don’t know, but keeping from falling off the brink of death is always useful! Speaking of useful: knocking an enemy out of the fight harmlessly with Banishment can allow your allies to focus on more dangerous threats.

LEVEL 17 - CLERIC 8

8th level Grave Clerics get Potent Spellcasting, letting them add their Wisdom modifier to the damage of their Cleric cantrips. Naturally since your cantrips are going to be increased with Wisdom I’d suggest increasing your Wisdom with the Ability Score Improvement you just got!

With our final increase to Wisdom you can prepare two more spells and we’re actually going to be hopping back a few levels, first for Daylight from third level to banish the fog of war, and then all the way back to first level for Detect Evil and Good, so you will know who has evil in their hearts.

LEVEL 18 - SORCERER 10

10th level Clerics get another Metamagic, but none of these are really that impressive so you may as well grab Empowered Spell to keep your enemies from ever damaging your allies in the first place.

You can also learn another spell and to root more powerful beasts grab Hold Monster, which is like Hold Person but it works on monsters! And you learn another cantrip like Resistance, letting your chosen ally add a d4 to a saving throw, so you can support them without using any resources.

LEVEL 19 - SORCERER 11

11th level Sorcerers can learn 6th level spells and of course we’ll be going all out for the most reliable Heal in the game. A creature in 60 feet is instantly healed for 70 health and cured of any blindness or deafness.

LEVEL 20 - SORCERER 12

12th level Sorcerers get our final Ability Score Improvement, so cap off your Charisma modifier to have the strongest spells from two spell schools.

What? Did you think that you’d get another spell to learn? Lol nope screw you Sorcerers only get a spell every other level past level 10 because I don’t know. Feel free to replace one of your older Sorcerer spells with a 6th level spell if you wish, because you’ve certainly got the slots to do it.

FINAL BUILD

PROS

I lend my aid - You’d never guess that the character built specifically to heal would be good at healing, with tons of supportive spells to keep your allies alive and your foes at bay.

What must be done - You also do quite a lot of damage with powerful spells like Vampiric Touch, Blight, and Enervation, not to mention an insane array of cantrips and your Channel Divinity empowering the attacks from allies.

Where am I needed? - Even out of combat you are constantly helping the party with an ungodly amount of cantrips and insane utility with both Charisma and Wisdom skills.

CONS

Be at peace - Sorcerer levels plus no Constitution modifier equals less than 100 max health on average! Your foes don’t even need to hit you: just hit the Power Word Kill button and you’re down for the count! Not to mention that your AC and saving throws are incredibly subpar, even if being a Satyr helps against magic.

Never waste a breath - The vast majority of your damaging spells are Necrotic, so while you may be intended to be the healer of the group you might struggle to do much else against foes that resist necrotic damage.

This is my path - There’s such a thing as too much Cleric. Doing a near-perfect 50/50 split between two spellcasters means that while your slots go up to 9th level the actual spells you know only go up to 6th. And you don’t even get Wish; that’s literally the name of your ultimate! What’s more is that Divine Soul Sorcerer really doesn’t help us much with the only use you get out of the class being Empowered Healing. Sure 2 more levels in Sorcerer would give you wings but then you lose out on Potent Spellcasting and an ASI.

But your job was to heal and protect which is a job you do well. Any brute can save the day by crushing the head of the bad guy, but saving the world through compassion is a tough task. But keep a level head, support your team, and be ready to mute everyone if it becomes too much to handle. You’re just a Deathcap away from becoming the very thing you swore to destroy.

(Artwork by Riot Games)

[zedecksiew]

The God Mine (Part 1)

THE GOD MINE

The bones of god-beasts, even aeons dead, still remember their own potency. A useful material for mage-craft and industry.

The smell of effluvia marks this place. The music of picks. A great open pit. Damaged, silent men clamber over each other, worms in a wound in the earth.

+

A DEAD GOD

Titanic ribs jut like the shell of a bombed-out temple. Brushed by the ghost of divine terror – you shiver.

What was this thing?

~

Portfolio – this was a god-beast of:

1: Artifice. 2: Ambition. 3: Fate. 4: Fire. 5: Hunger. 6: Healing. 7: Plagues. 8: Pleasure. 9: Madness. 10: Murder. 11: Beasts. 12: Battle. 13: Visions. 14: Virility. 15: Lies. 16: Law. 17: Thunder. 18: Tyranny. 19: Disorder. 20: Darkness.

In the presence of its corpse, all actions according to this god’s idiom are done with advantage.

~

Form – it was:

1: Humanoid. Hair, fingers, hooves. 2: Saurian. Scales, sauropod gait. 3: Piscine. Fish mail, fins, fish tail. 4: Mantid. Exoskeleton and ungues. 5: Birdlike. Feathers, sickle talons. 6: Serpentine. Coiling, coiling, coiling.

With the limbs and qualities roughly appropriate to that morphology.

~

Additional features – godliness made it extraordinary. Roll twice in each category. Parentheses indicate special properties in the remains:

Heads (d12): 1: Head of an ant. (Antennae cells sense life.) 2: Head of a mastodon. (Tusk ivory explodes doors.) 3: Head of an owl. (Brain matter chatters random secrets.) 4: Head of a crocodile. (Wounds inflicted by teeth enamel do not staunch.) 5: Head an icosahedron. (All rolls equal to the result of the die face you stand on.) 6: Eye a window to the starry void. (Portal to the vacuum of space.) 7: Eyes of molten iron. (Still molten.) 8: Unicorn horn. (Keratin a universal panacea.) 9: Adamantine tusks. (Unbreakable.) 10: d4 faces, all on a single head. (Roll d4 for each face, above.) 11: Mane of wise serpents. (Ghosts. Bored. Want to see the world. Will grant you powers, to this end.) 12: Fig forest on the crown. (Fruit reverses aging, seeds still viable.)

Torsos (d12): 1: Tortoise shell. (Individual scutes indestructible.) 2: Godzilla ridged plates. (Electrified.) 3: Actual-gold fur. 4: Glass scales. (Easily shattered.) 5: Nacreous sweat. (Seams of pearl.) 6: Psychedelic musk. (Pockets of hallucinogenic air.) 7: d4 vaginas to pocket dimensions. (Still open.) 8: Pregnant with a god of opposing idiom. (All actions according to the stillborn god’s idiom are done with advantage.) 9: Pregnant with a miniature sun. (Burning.) 10: d100 eggs of demi-divine spawn. (Will hatch undead horrors if cracked.) 11: d4 outsized priapic penises. (Endless gushing ichor, if punctured.) 12: Testes bursting with flying sperm. (Black, undead, aims for fertile wombs.)

Arms (d12): 1: Pair of arms, simian-handed. 2: Pair of arms, scythe-ended. 3: Pair of arms, crab-pincered. 4: Pair of arms, ghoul-clawed. 5: d12 arms, barbed, tentacular. 6: Two forearms on every elbow. 7: Hands performing flaming mudras. (Radioactive.) 8: 2d4 disembodied, flying palms. (Counts as slumbering, independent monsters.) 9: Wrist a stump, leaking disease. (Primordial ancestor to bone-break fever.) 10: Hands solid, articulated silver. 11: Touch that drains blood. (Negative-energy galleries.) 12: Touch that freezes tissue. (Frozen galleries.)

Wings (d12): 1: Pair of eagle wings. 2: Pair of bat wings. 3: Fan of peacock tail-feathers. 4: Two pairs of lace wings, fore and hind. 5: Two pairs of moth wings, staring-eye motifs. (Stuns on sight.) 6: Pair of lionfish spike-fins. (Excruciating pain on touch.) 7: 2d4 wings, detached, independent. 8: Wings in multicolour flame. (Galleries of flammable gas, as yet unignited.) 9: Wings that hum hypnotically. (Listeners will obey all spoken commands.) 10: Wings burnt, shrivelled away, useless. 11: Wings of solid jade, a burden. 12: Wings that eat light. (Blocks all sight.)

Legs (d12): 1: Pair of legs, simian-footed. 2: Pair of legs, eagle-taloned. 3: Pair of legs, goat-hoofed. 4: Pair of legs, frog-webbed. 5: 2d4 pairs of locust legs. 6: Slug foot, corrosive slime. (Acid lakes.) 7: Two calves on every knee. 8: d4 knees too many. 9: Footprints of diamond. 10: Footprints of fungal growths. 11: Footprints of screaming faces. (Seams of skulls.) 12: One leg a stump, bleeding leukocytes. (Lake of predatory leukocytes.)

Accoutrements (d12): 1: Trishula of frozen lightning. (Actual lightning.) 2: Belt of amber beads, a demon imprisoned in each. (Smashable.) 3: Garland of angel skulls. (Vengeful ghost angels. Will grant powers to those who would topple gods.) 4: Lotus-flower-shaped seat, made of lotus flowers. (Vein of still-fragrant petals.) 5: Turbined interstellar chariot. (Mangled star-metal technologies.) 6: Crown of thorns. (Made from sharpened dragon antlers.) 7: Mystic astrolabe. (Shattered. Repaired, able to manipulate the firmament.) 8: Smooth, featureless mask. (Shrinks to human size. When worn, assume form of any living entity you previously met. Magic cannot detect this deception.) 9: Winged slippers. (Capable of flight.) 10: Giant bow. (Broken. Repaired, drawn by somebody of divine lineage, its arrows will slay any entity.) 11: Abacus. (Missing beads. Repaired, able to fundamentally reconfigure a mortal soul.) 12: Arched harp. (Unstrung. Repaired, its vibrations freeze time.)

Attendants (d12): 1: Sentient giant ticks. (Genteel, philosophical, vampiric, starving.) 2: Ancient outang-men. (Insane albino outang-trogs.) 3: Great cockerel. (Kaiju-sized chicken skeleton. Will animate if unearthed.) 4: Great python. (Enormous intelligent tapeworms.) 5: Eight-legged horse. (Incorporeal hooves thundering through the tunnels. Tramples.) 6: Thirteen bronze dwarves. (Invented bone-marrow beer. When they mined out the marrow their camaraderie collapsed. None left.) 7: Shoulder angel, shoulder demon. (Spirits. One benign, one malign. Both compete to further their god’s idiom.)   8: School of angelfish. (Submerged warrens. Fleshing-eating swarms.) 9: Fairy slaves. (Now a nightmare cannibal autocracy.) 10: Marble automatons. (A mega-automaton assemblage, always looking for more parts.) 11: Life-giving rainbow wisps. (Fungus-spreading negative-rainbow wisps.) 12: Octahedrim. (Eight-sided floating polyhedra that shoot lasers and eat luck.)

+

SO YOU WANT TO QUARRY A GOD’S CORPSE

Imagine your god-beast. Imagine it fall.

+++

( Image sources:

http://www.barakasamsara.com/location/kawah-ijen-sulfur-mine-java https://www.pinterest.com/pin/328833210262526871/ https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leviathan_(book) https://factsprovidence.wordpress.com/moore-lovecraft-comics-annotation-index/pantheon-variant-covers/ https://medieval.tumblr.com/post/71758580115/eyes-on-wings-on-wheels-with-eyes-ophanim )

[unsupervisedgoblinsorcerer]

Dungeon: Temple of Time, Part 1

Kind of stealing the idea from Legend of Zelda, but making it my own and putting it in a D&D context. Meant to be kind of psychological and puzzle-y. Hope you enjoy it. 

Background:

Location: deep in an expansive mountain range, several days travel from the nearest settlement. Not high enough to be snowy all year ‘round or to require acclimation to high altitudes, but the journey there is still treacherous.

Appearance: The structure is made mostly of interlocking wooden blocks, with iron support used sparingly around windows and places that need reinforcement(such as the pillars suspending part of it over the edge of the mountain). It has a ground floor and a couple smaller basement levels, as well as a few interconnected towers protruding from the top. The walls all have enough holes in them that a quiet breeze blows through the entire structure - excluding the inner sanctum, which is sealed off by solid walls of iron.

In the past, the wood was all clean and sturdy, and the temple was magically warmed. Sound was also muffled by magical enchantments, making meditation easier but also making it harder to know when and if there were intruders in the building. Yellow and white stained-glass windows on the outer walls and ceilings provided a tranquil and holy atmosphere.

The wood has been magically protected against rot and mold, so in present day what’s left is all dry and dusty. The quiet atmosphere has remained, but the broken glass and skeletons have made the silence eerie instead of relaxing. A large portion of the main floor has collapsed down the side of the mountain leaving a gaping hole in the side of several rooms, and leaving a few rooms completely destroyed. Some wild animals wander the area, but it offers them little.

History: this temple was built as a place of solitude by a group of Githzerai(psychic monks that live in the spirit world)  in ancient times. For centuries they lived alone and undisturbed in the mountains, but eventually rumors spread of the temple’s existence and the power held within.

A nearby faction of tribal humans grew envious of the supposed power and organized a raid on the holy site. They caught the Githzerai by surprise, destroying much of the temple with their catapults and forcing its defenders to take shelter in their inner sanctum as the day turned to night. In one final effort to save themselves, the monks mustered all of their psychic power to suspend the flow of time and await rescue.

Special rules:

Because of the time distortion in and around the temple, each room has two separate descriptions - one for the past, and one for the present. There are doorways all around the structure that act as portals from one time to another, which need to be manipulated in order to reach certain areas. The portals cannot be detected, except by abilities or spells that specifically detect magic portals(such as the Detect Portal feature received by Horizon Walker Rangers), because the energy they give off is virtually indistinguishable from the energy given off by the entire structure.

Past: There is a specific timeline of events for the 24 hours before the ritual that created the time loop.

12:00 am - 5:59 am: Everything is silent. Any result on the random encounter table that indicates an amount of Githzerai is replaced by a patrolling Wax Golem, and any result indicating an amount of humans is replaced by harmless pets, such as small mountain cats, birds, or monkeys. Aside from random encounters and stationary Golems, the rooms are all empty; except for the sleeping areas, in which almost all of the beds are occupied.  

6:00 am: The monks get up with the sunrise and begin their morning routines. The rooms are all empty except for the main eating area and the shrine, which have twice as many people as is listed in the room's description. Random encounter results indicating humans are still substituted, but results indicating Githzerai are not. Any Githzerai encountered are noticeable from at least one room over due to their chanting of morning hymns. Aside from that, the rooms are all still empty.

10:26 am: Several rooms on the southern side of the temple are hit by flaming projectiles from the human attackers’ catapults, knocking down the southernmost tower. Any creature inside the tower at the time must make a DC 15 Dexterity saving throw, taking 4d10 damage on a failed save, or half as much on a successful one. The fighting quickly spreads through the temple and continues through the day.

7:30 pm: As the sun sets the attackers launch a final volly of catapult fire, causing large portions of the temple to collapse and fall down the mountainside. The fighting continues into the night, but all rooms and random encounters now have half as much creatures in them(rounding down).

Midnight: The surviving monks retreat into the inner sanctum if they can, and then perform the ritual to maintain the loop. At exactly midnight, a golden ripple in the air can be perceived spreading quickly through the entire temple, resetting everything it passes to the state it was in at the beginning of the loop. Any outside creatures present when this happens have a 25% chance of being displaced, waking up in either the human attacker’s encampment or the sleeping areas of the monks(chosen at random). The members of the faction the creature is displaced to treat them as one of their own, denying that anything is out of the ordinary. They forget about the displaced creature when the loop reaches this point again.

The people in the temple all appear distant and strangely unemotional, even when fighting each other. Anyone who attempts to discern their emotions can tell that the Githzerai seem uninterested or focused on something else, while the human invaders seem insane and unaware of their surroundings. This is because they are all subconsciously aware that they've been in a loop for the past few thousand years. Anyone not part of the time loop who attempts to hide from or sneak past members of either group(excluding Constructs, Beasts, and Apparitions) has advantage on the ability check.

Any creature who attempts to leave the general area around the temple from the past automatically finds themselves lost on the way down the mountain, and wanders back to the temple after d6 hours of travel. An ability check made to avoid getting lost with a result of 20 or higher reveals that it is impossible to avoid being turned around towards the temple, due to the magic surrounding it.

Any object taken from the past into the present immediately ages several thousand years, reducing most objects and creatures to dust and dry pieces of bones.

Present: The halls of the temple are continuously filled with eerie whispers and flickering shadows. Any ability or spell that can detect magic or psychic energy reveals that the area is under the effects of a powerful ritual, but does not reveal the details. If such an ability can detect the location of a magical or psychic effect, then it is possible to discern that the energy appears to be coming from the inner sanctum under the structure(following the normal parameters of the ability).

???: Every time-portal in the temple has a 10% chance of leading to an unknown time period every time it's used. It is unclear whether this time period is in the past or the future, because it is almost unrecognisable. There is no evidence of the temple, except for a crumbling stone archway around the door used to access this period and a few worn-down boulders with ambiguous carvings on them. The mountain range and the surrounding country is all submerged in a vast ocean, with only the highest peaks protruding from the water as rocky islands. A successful DC 10 intelligence(nature) or wisdom(survival) check reveals that it is a few degrees hotter than either of the other time periods, and a result of 15 or higher also reveals that the air smells tropical. Anyone who studies the water for more than a couple minutes will catch glimpses of titanic sea creatures breaching for air or swallowing smaller animals. The door that lead to this area always acts as a portal leading back.

Random encounters:

Roll a d20 for every few hours the characters spend in the dungeon. If the roll is 17 or higher, roll on the appropriate random encounter table. Each time period has a different frequency for random encounters, represented by another die roll. You may choose not to roll if the characters are already in combat. If a result implies that the encounter’s creatures wouldn’t be moving from room to room, and the players are staying in one place when the die is rolled, the encounter takes place the next time the players enter a new room. 

Past: Roll 2d6 every d4 hours.

1-2: A Githzerai Zerth.

3: A Warlock of the Great Old One with a pet Gazer, who's here studying the time-warp phenomenon.

4: A trained mountain cat(panther) cowering under the rubble.

5: A berserk Clay Golem at 50 hit points, or d4 Wax Golems (50% chance).

6: D4 Githzerai Monks.

7: 2 Berserkers looking for something to attack.

8: D6 Bandits carrying torches.

9: A Scout with d4 Giant Boars under his/her control.

10: Two parties fighting each other. Separately roll a d6+6 and a d6 to determine the creatures in each group.

11: A Bandit Captain riding on a Dire Wolf.

12: A Gladiator standing over the corpses of several Githzerai.

Present: Roll 2d6 every d6 hours.

2: A Nothic that was attracted by the psychic energy.

3: 2d6 Goats that seem to be fighting for dominance of a large rock.

4: A flock of 2d6 Bloodhawks attacking a wounded Aurochs(d8 missing hit points).

5: D4 Vegepygmies and a Thorny.

6: D4 Giant Goats munching on shrubs.

7: A mountain cat (Panther) looking for food.

8: D6 Skeletons (a mix of humans and Githzerai), which don't come to life until sentient creatures approach.

9: A particularly majestic Eagle(or an Owl if encountered at night).

10: An extremely old human skeleton with it’s skull smashed open.

11: A Saber-toothed Tiger taking a nap.

12: A Swarm of Cranium Rats hiding under something.

???: Roll 2d4 every d8 hours.

2: A Girallon.

3: A beached Giant Shark which is still slightly alive(half hit points, half xp).

4: Two red-furred apes(Baboons).

5: A Poisonous Snake.

6: A Swarm of Mudquippers.

7: The skull or jaws of an unknown sea creature, about 2d6 feet long and 2d4 feet wide.

8: A Water Elemental.

Room descriptions and map to be added in part 2. For now this could just be used with some kind of stock map, or you could make it up yourself. Also, I’m aware that some of these monsters appear only in Volo’s Guide, and not everyone has that book - I’m sure you’re creative enough to look up the creature and find something equivalent. Clay Golems are something I made up, and their rules will appear in part 2. I also made up Mudquippers - which are basically just quippers but with a walking speed and the ability to breath air.