#Dog Training Reddit

[darkwood-sleddog]

man i am sometimes baffled by the dog posts that reddit's algorithm pushes to my account.

what do you mean you're literally holding your border collie's head up with your hand as they walk to force them to learn a "head up heel" or whatever you're calling it. like just. fucking. teach the behavior with engagement games, it is literally one of the first things i was taught in a basic group obedience class you absolute buffoon.

[another-little-hippie]

Nothing like waking up at 3 am to your life suddenly falling apart. like during the three hours of sleep I got last night, somehow I turned into an abusive dog owner (I take my dog to the dog park), a full blown drug addict (i use medical mj), I am never going to graduate (I have two assignments due tomorrow that I haven’t started), I’ll never be able to move out of the city (the landlord at my new apartment has not replied to my email, it hasn’t even been 24 hours yet), my health is going down the drain (that might be true lol), and worst of all… Jimbert isn’t real and I’m a pervert for being so invested in it (I somehow saw a zeppelin Reddit post).

Anyways, I had a shower and ate some yogurt and it might almost be 7, but my life is a lot better!

[coochiequeens]

I hope this is fake. If it’s not some baby is going to be stuck with one unselfaware father who uses his ADHD as excuse to be a noisy AH even at 5 am.

I had an ex who had dyslexia and he didn’t use coping strategies so whenever he gave me the wrong dates or times for events it would cause chaos for my whole day. Not going to lie it was a contributing factor in the break up because he would pull this shit and then he would say he wanted kids. Men fail to understand that stuff that is barely tolerable when the relationship is more causal becomes a deal breaker when kids, future or just hypothetical, become involved. But even he didn’t let his dog bark at 5 am.

[blueboyluca]

day in day out on reddit are posts “how do I get my dog to see me as alpha?”, “how do I make my dog obey?”, “my dog pretends to be innocent”… it’s demoralising. I don’t know how dog trainers do it. So many of the posts are clearly due to unmet needs. It’s sad to me how little the general public seems to know about basic dog husbandry.

[jacqcrisis]

i apologize for all the posts about r/banpitbulls but i need to get my thoughts out there cause it is WILD and it’s hurting my brain how conspiratorial that subreddit is. I'll put it all under the readmore to not be annoying.

a) they believe the several breeds collectively under the bully breed moniker are actually all the same kind of dog, have no distinction whatsoever, and separating them into their established breeds (staffies, amstaffs, APBT’s, american bullies, bull terriers, dogo argentinos, etc etc etc) is trying to muddy the waters and is a tactic for the pitnutters to explains away the all knowing statistics

b) they believe in the 1 drop rule, where any dog with any amount of bully in them is basically a monster and needs to be drawn and quartered euthanized or at the very least sterilized, muzzled, and never allowed withing 30 feet of anyone not wearing plate mail.

c) they believe there is some kind of well funded pit-lobby who is paying off journalists for pro-pitbull thinkpieces to convince people to...idk, adopt more dogs? the goals and who is funding said lobby or even in it are never really discussed. it just exists and evilly wants you, yes you, to fork out 100 bucks to the local non-profit shelter for a pit-mix which makes money for... absolutely no one.  

d) they believe pitbulls are uniquely violent and every single dog who falls in that category is just waiting to eat a baby. 

e) never talk about any other dog violence and seem to believe every other mauling or significant bite is just mislabeled (as it should’ve been labelled a pit) or a freak accident (though this is obviously not extended to pitbulls whose bites are calculated, premeditated, and sadistic)

f) believe that pitbulls have a switch that can possibly happen at any time to make then tear your face off. Even though the vast majority of the dogs in that grouping will never have a significant problem (out approximately 18 million in the US, you have around 4k bites reported in a year and 30ish deaths in the same time), this doesn’t matter since that .001% could kill you while you were sleeping so every dog that even has a whiff of ‘pitbull’ is a severe risk and should not be trusted around anyone ever. Yes, including Peachy, the slightly overweight 10 year old dog at your local dog park who spends the whole time there waddling after her owner with a ball in her mouth. That one especially.

g) the fault lies entirely on the breed(s) and can never be fixed. pitbulls have no redeeming qualities whatsoever, anyone who says they do have been brainwashed by the shadowy pit-lobby, and all the dogs should either be euthanized or sterilized to extinction. the fact that these are the most abused groups of dogs means basically zero because they aren’t actually domesticated dogs, instead are all completely secretly feral (source: bro trust me) and should be placed in the same category as people keeping a lion as a pet.

h) don’t ever talk about the prey drive in all dogs or that most dogs will attack any small animal it can get its mouth on if not properly socialized and/or desensitized. if a pitbull kills a cat that wandered into its yard, it is because the pitbull is uniquely cruel and evil. no other breed is ever mentioned and are apparently perfect angels who would never hurt a fly and I guess my childhood aussie/border collie mix who we had to muzzle on walks because she wanted to murder every dog she locked eyes on was secretly a pitbull in disguise.

i) constantly tout the 65% of all dog related deaths vs being 6% of the population statistic. This statistic is taken from the amount of US incidents from 2005 to 2017, where pitbulls, over TWELVE YEARS caused 284 deaths. Any other year before or after this is not mentioned and it is always these twelve years and fails to consider recent estimates put bullys up to 20% of the US dog population.

j) they often call pitbull owners aggressive and cruel and stupid and brutish and sadistic and lacking in empathy ‘just like their dogs’ which is interesting becasue bully breeds are incredibly cheap and easy to get and are generally most commonly found in cities in poorer populations, most historically non-white neighborhoods. idk just kind of weird they seem so fucking mad at a dog breed stereotypically found in POC households (in the US) while also really REALLY comfortable with calling the dog’s owners aggressive and dumb... 

It’s just...staggering. I feel like a stumbled upon a rabbit hole, but the rabbits are all conspiracy theorists who look at dog mauling videos and photos all day and who all seem to not understand how dogs or animals even work. While also being a little bit racist and classist. 

Bully breeds don’t have ‘switch’; they are dogs with good and bad days and a lot of external factors go into dog attacks and a lot of bites can be lessened with proper care and attention given, like not leaving your children around ANY dog that outweighs them in pure muscle and getting your dog neutered/spade. A lot of the fatalities are a result of negligent owners, abused animals (of which pitbulls are the most likely group of dogs to be abused), and/or freak incidents, and even non-pitbull dogs kill small children and the elderly every year for the same reasons. Given the staggering amount of bullies in the US, if they were uniquely dangerous, then a LOT MORE violent incidents toward people would occur every year, but they don't, proven by how you have to lump over a decade's worth of numbers for the big "damning" golden statistic which...

The reason why the golden statistic is only from 2005-2017 is because in the years preceding that, Rottweilers made up a larger percentage of dog-related fatalities, sometimes even outpacing 'pitbulls' on some years as the ‘big bad dog’ changes with public opinion, dog breed popularity, and time. The reason you see so many pit-bull related attacks over similar incidents with other breeds in the news is because they garner the most attention as other non-pitbull dog-related deaths have occurred THIS YEAR but they get a quarter of the news articles as the outrage market isn’t as frothing at the mouth for a belgian malinois or a husky killing an infant as it is pitbulls. These dogs are not uniquely evil or violent; they are an animal with higher disposition towards prey drive and dog related aggression combined with a large strong body and determination that requires the same firm training and care as all dog breeds like them but that does not mean each one of them needs to be treated like Hannnibal Lector in sheep's clothing.

This isn’t a problem that would go away if all bully breeds disappeared tomorrow, as evidenced in some large cities with breed specific legislation where dog bites did not decrease significantly, or even increased after the bans. A different breed would take its place. A new dog would become enemy number one. People would still get attacked and harmed and tragedies would still happen.

But that’s the risk when dealing with animals. Dogs are domesticated, but they are still instinctual, non-human predators and they can always pose some form of danger no matter how you breed them. Instead of advocating for mass euthanasia or blanket bans, these people should instead be advocating for better training, better breeding, keeping dogs on leashes, getting dogs neutered, treating these dogs as the large powerful dogs they are, etc etc etc.

But thats too complicated and requires some form of empathy and care for the dog breeds in question. It's a lot easier to come up with a shadowy pit lobby and the mythological switch and label them all 'psychotic feral monsters just waiting to eat babies' and call poor minority people sadistic and cruel for keeping a cheap breed as a family pet/guard dog and watch dog mauling videos all day then it is to do a little more research and learn a single thing about how dogs work.

[pauloq]

BUDDY

[moodycarcass]

Realizing the votv fixation has stuck in my mind for so long because it's transferring from fixation bc cool thing -> fixation because this could be better about a game that is not even done and actively being built purely because I think the redditor mindset is a pox on humanity

[bun-parade]

I find it really weird and concerning that so many people's first reaction to treating their dog's seperation anxiety is to get another dog. It could work but it could also very much NOT work and then you've literally doubled your financial, emotional, and physical responsibilities for nothing. And then what if the dogs don't get along? What if one dog likes the other, but the feeling isn't mutual? Then you've just got two dogs who are in a stressful environment and one STILL has seperation anxiety.

Do people really not understand how expensive dogs (and pets in general) are? Annual shots and vet visits (which costs over $200 for ONE DOG, let alone two) food, any emergencies that happen, paying for two dogs if you need to board or get a sitter, the time you need to put in to another dog, etc. That shit adds up QUICK.

So no, getting a second dog is not a quick fix for your current dog's behavioral issues.

[chiasemxh]

5 effective dog training tools at home you must have

5 effective dog training tools at home you must have

When you start keeping a dog as a pet in the house, the most necessary and supportive thing for you is the dog training equipment and tools. Let Pet-Care refer you to 5 effective dog training tools at home! There is one thing that is recognized by dog owners: raising a dog is not easy. When adopting and taking responsibility for a pet, you need to be equipped with the necessary knowledge and…

[riri0000i]

Choso had always been the easy target. Since kindergarten. He was mentally weak, anti-social, and never responded to any provocation. Girls called him creepy, a freak, while boys raised their hands at him as a "joke". He spent mornings at school trying to not be noticed by people like you, without any success, of course. He had no one to hang out with and the only thing he did outside school was taking care of his siblings and pulling all-nighters in front of the computer, talking to the only people who could understand his loneliness.

A real loser.

" Oops, my bad Choso!" You chimed with a fake guilty face. Your friends were all laughing, some even taking pictures with their smartphones. Choso didn't move an inch from his chair, letting you pour the probably expired milk carton on his head.

" Hey! Don't frame me with this creep too." You said, noticing that a friend of yours was also taking pictures of you.

" It's not like the teacher cares anyway. " She responded. She was right: teachers gained nothing from defending students like Choso. Your school was one of those elite schools, mainly attended by people like you: rich and mean, with disgusting pastimes like making other people's lives miserable. And then there were those like Choso, who had earned the scholarship by studying.

" I know, but today I forgot to put my lashes on." Your answer made your friends laugh again and you joined them. Before class began you looked at Choso, drenched in milk. You met his tired eyes, as soon as he noticed your gaze he looked down. His weakness pissed you off.

“ Pathetic dog.”

౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆

The chemistry professor was explaining biomolecules, there were maybe five students who were actually listening to him. You were not one of them: you were scrolling on your phone and the few times you looked up you watched how your friends sitting next to Choso tormented him, by kicking at his chair or throwing pieces of paper at him. Nothing new.

" For this topic I would like you to work in pairs by doing a project. I will select the pairs based on your grades." The teacher said before clearing his throat for the umpteenth time.

Shit, this is the worst.

You had seen the scoreboard from the last chemistry test and you were last while Choso... He was first, just like in any other subject. The teacher began to list the pairs and, as you predicted, you ended up with that loser. When Choso heard your name he felt his stomach turn in anxiety, he feared you more than anyone else. To him you were simply cruel. There was no sign, however slight, of kindness in your soul. To make it worse was your pretty face which, at first glance, was impossible to associate with your awful personality. Choso would be lying if he said he didn't find you attractive. Maybe you were the most beautiful girl he had ever laid eyes on.

" Turn in the project by next week." The teacher concluded before the bell rang.

" Can't believe that you have to do this with that creep!" Your friend laughed.

After a sigh: " Fuck it, I hate that teacher. Bet he did it on purpose." You said with a pissed tone. You noticed that Choso was watching you. You got up from your chair with another annoyed sigh and positioned yourself in front of his desk: hands on your hips and a fake smile on your lips, the usual one you used to make before saying a cruel comment.

" I don't want to be seen hanging around with you, much less in my house." You spat.

Choso replied in his insecure, shaky voice: " We can do it at my house... I warn you I have brothers so—

" Okay. See you later."

౨ৎ⋆˚｡⋆

Number not Saved : 602. Apartment building X. Near Y station.

You : I'm taking the train rn.

Choso was nervous. It was his first time having a girl at home. Fortunately his brothers were staying late at school that day. He quickly took a shower, getting rid of the smell of milk that earned him several stares by strangers. Being the loser he was, he asked for advice on Reddit to avoid being overly weird.

Knock Knock.

Choso jumped at the knocks on the door, interrupting his reading “How to Look More Sociable in 3 Steps”. You arrived a little late, not expecting the train to take so long.

" Come in..." He said, opening the door for you. You didn’t even say hello, you just sighed, as if you were forced to do the hardest work job on earth. As you looked around (It was the first time you had seen such a small apartment) Choso couldn’t look away from your body. You were so cute in that little outfit. It was the first time he had seen you without your uniform outside school. He would never admit it but Choso stalkled your instagram account several times (resulting in messy erections every time you posted bikini photos). The miniskirt you were wearing was surely going to distract him. He felt something twitching in his pants. Face instantly pink in embarrassment.

Oh. Oh no. No. God, no.

“ Are we doing this stupid project or what?” You asked, breaking the silence. Lucky him, he was wearing loose clothes. You didn’t notice anything.

“ Oh. Yeah… Follow me.” He responded quietly, his body tensing up. You noticed how Choso loses some of his loser appearance without the school uniform. He wore black sweatpants, a baggy sweater and his usual glasses. If he was one of your friends you might have complimented his look.

" Uhh.. You can sit on the bed… Or on the chair, you decide." He said in his usual passive tone. You huffed, sitting on his bed. It smelled like him. You were quite disappointed by the normality of his room (yes, you were expecting an otaku room: full of action figures, bodypillows and posters).

That miniskirt…I bet she did it on purpose. The sight of a pretty girl like you on his bed made Choso’s mouth go dry. He hated you but at the same time it was impossible to not admire your beauty.

" Hope you don't expect me to do anything about that project, do you, Choso?" You said with a smile on your lips. Obviously, Choso knew he would do most, if not all, of the work. He nodded, muttering something to himself. Before you could add any mean comment Choso sat down and started typing on his keyboard. Your initial idea was to find something weird, or childish, in his room and bully him but it was all so… Normal. With the excuse of going to the bathroom you explored the house.

Oh. One of his brothers is Itadori Yuuji? You looked at one of the photos hanging in the hallway. Although he didn't attend your school, Itadori Yuuji was quite popular. And he was popular for good reasons: athletic, generous and nice. You returned to Choso's room, who seemed focused on his work. You looked at him. It annoyed you to admit it but—he had a nice face. Cute, if you had to be honest. But he was unable to maintain a good self-image: he stuttered and couldn't keep eye contact, dark circles partly hidden by the nerdy glasses he wore, hair loose and messy and his posture screamed "I'm weak.”

Ugh. How can Choso be related to Itadori?

After a while: " I'm getting bored." You said as you approached Choso. His heart missed a beat, the last time you had said those words one of your friends put out a cigarette on Choso's palm just to entertain you.

" Uh, umm.. I doubt there's anything fun here..."

" Don't you have any games on your computer?" Choso was taken aback by your question.

" …Y-Yes?" He answered but Choso was sure you had other intentions, like finding another way to bully him. Standing up, you placed yourself beside him, leaning against his chair. Choso could smell a sugary scent from your clothes and hair, it was intoxicating. You watched how his long fingers trembled.

Oh, his hands are so big.

" Uh, uhmm y-you can sit here… I'll get another chair— Before Choso could add another word you sat on his lap. His body froze in surprise. Your ass on his crotch. You rested your back on his muscular chest, waiting for him to start playing. How was he supposed to respond to this?

" Oh, I like this game." You commented as if nothing was wrong.

“ R-Really..? I’ll p,play it then…”

He’s already hard.

To hold the controller Choso had to practically hug you. The way he would struggle to stay still and whisper an "I'm sorry" every time he accidentally touched you was so funny to you. But it was even more fun to rub your warm pussy against his erected sex, feeling his hot breath against the skin of your neck.

“ D-Don’t … P-Please, don’t move like that..” He nervously gulped. Because of that miniskirt Choso could sense the slightest movement you made against his body and thanks to that miniskirt you could feel how Choso's erection throbbed against your panties.

“ Like what?” You teased, shifting your weight again. Choso's body was trembling. You could feel his heartbeat racing. He was squeezing the controller to maintain his calm, feeling his inside burning at the softness of your body against his crotch. The miniskirt you were wearing was not helping at all, allowing Choso the sight of your lacy pink panties. It made his head dizzy and his erection harder, almost painful. How can a girl like you be so naughty?

" I.. S-Stop teasing me." He finally spoke up, trying to sound angry. His voice shaky and weak. You smiled and finally turned your body, now face-to-face with him. The movement resulted in another rubbing against his cock, now covered with a layer of sticky precum. Choso's face was red with embarrassment, his eyes glossy and he tried his best to hold back little moans by biting his lip. He was a mess.

" Choso~" Having you in front of him was wayy worse. You were so pretty and so close , your soft tits pressed against his sweaty chest. On your face that mischievous, almost cruel, smile. Your cheeks pink and your breath left shivers on his skin. His tip poked your wet cunt. You could feel he was big.

Maybe eight inches? It’s always the quiet ones.

" I, I can't take it anymore, p-please..." He whined like a little puppy. You gently moved a few strands of hair behind his ear and took off his glasses, throwing them on the floor. Shit, he was really handsome like that. You kissed him. Choso’s first kiss. Your lips soft and hot, leaving trails of a cherry gloss on his. He moaned inside your mouth, unable to follow your lewd rhythm. Your scent, your taste and your touch were making him obsessed, resulting in a messy and incoherent kiss.

Fuck, fuck, fuck, this is too much. He reached his limit. The same second you tried to reach the tip of his cock with your fingers he came, sobbing your name and leaving a cum stain on his pants.

“ I,I’m s—sorry…” His voice breathless, dick still twitching in pleasure. He continued to apologize with teary eyes, without knowing how erotic that scene was to you.

I want to fuck him.

[withacapitalp]

@lazylittledragon did more Mombin (check it out here it's great) which I think means I might be contractually obliged to write more fic that is inspired by it. Like wowza I am obsessed with this concept

Tw: vomiting/morning sickness, reddit, discussions of cancer

Robin was dying. 

That was the only explanation. 

Dying. 

And the worst part was, she was dying of something that was both incredibly funny, and incredibly sad, and she had been so desperate for answers that she had gone to a place no mortal should ever dare to go to. 

Reddit. 

Posted by u/familyvideobrokeme

I (24F) think that I might have breast cancer, and I have no idea how to tell my (25M) best friend.

So my best friend “Sam” and I have been attached at the hip for as long as I can remember. He’s not just a friend to me, he’s my person (and before you get any ideas- I’m a lesbian, so no, not happening.) we tell each other everything, even the super gross stuff neither of us wants to hear- like seriously he’s asked me to check his ass to see if he managed to pop the pimple he found there before- so I’ve never been in this position before…

But I think I’m dying of breast cancer, and I have no clue how to start this conversation. 

It just came on really suddenly??? Like last month I was fine, and this month my boobs just hurt in this really weird way I’ve never experienced before? Like I’m sore and tingly and my bras don’t fit?! Boobs are kind of a joke between us though, so I feel like if I just blurt it out then he will start saying ‘boobie cancer’ over and over at me and we will just end up laughing and he’ll think I’m kidding. 

Sam is also my roommate? I don’t know if that matters here? I also haven’t gone to a doctor yet, but there isn’t anything else this can be, right? Nothing else just magically makes your boobs hurt and get big?

Robin had made the post at three am the night before while crying and eating Ben and Jerry’s, and she had forced herself to not look at replies all night, even going as far as to shut her phone off entirely.

But now it was the next day, and she had steadfastly ignored the notifications from Reddit all the way through Saturday Brunch and Bitch. 

She couldn’t ignore them anymore. 

“You’re good if I work a little?” Robin asked, pulling her laptop close to her and carefully angling it so Steve couldn’t see the screen. 

“As you wish,” Steve muttered, completely absorbed with whatever dog video he was watching. 

“Dingus,” She whispered affectionately, an odd mixture of love and guilt crashing in her chest as she opened the website and logged into her account. She had over a thousand notifications now, and the comments were still rolling in as she opened her post and scrolled down. 

Endofthebeginningoftheend

OP are you sure you’re not in love with Sam

Grapenuts Dude she said she’s a lesbian

View 564 more replies

Robin rolled her eyes. She had expected that, but she didn’t expect it to be the top comment. She quickly scrolled past. 

Cheercaptainfromhell

OP I would definitely go to a doctor before anything else! 

SmeddieSmunson Seriously how has she gotten this far without going to a doctor??

The answer was easy. Robin was terrified of doctors. Why go to a doctor when Steve had EMT training? 

Because in this instance she couldn’t ask Steve for help. 

Robin kept scrolling. 

Frenchiefreis

You might be pregnant honestly…I would take a test first

Headphilosopher She’s a lesbian so I doubt it, but pregnancy can also cause those symptoms-

Robin snorted to herself, side eyeing Steve to make sure he didn’t look up when she did. 

Did everyone just ignore the part where she said she was a lesbian? 

…was Robin ignoring the part where being a lesbian didn’t mean fuck all when it came to her chances of getting pregnant?

Yes she was ignoring it because it was once just once and they had barely even gotten to do anything at all and-

Robin scrolled again, growing more and more desperate

Rummingbird

That doesn’t really sound like breast cancer to me My mom had similar things happen when she was pregnant though-

Another scroll. Another flutter of her heart. 

No. It wasn’t that. She was dying. Dying was bad but the idea that she was…that she could be…

HyllyBRd

OP have you considered that you might be pregnant? I know that you’re a lesbian, but if you’ve had penetrative sex in the last month then you might want to consider-

“Are you going to be good for me?” 

Robin gasped as the memory hit her, closing the reddit tab with a slam of her finger on the mouse pad, her entire body starting to softly shake as she panic opened a google tab.

Boobs hurt????

Not exactly the most scientific way of phrasing that question, but Robin needed an answer that didn’t involve nine long months of what the fuck. Luckily there was a read more question that got right to the heart of the issue. 

What kind of breast pain indicates pregnancy? 

It was going to say something completely different to what she had, and Robin was going to laugh, and then she would turn to Steve and let him know she was dying of boobie cancer. 

It wasn’t going to be the same. 

It wasn’t. 

Robin looked at the screen. 

Fuller. Sorer. Tingly pain that felt unlike anything else. Aka exactly what she had. 

Robin’s fingers moved on autopilot, asking another question of Google

How late should my period be before I worry?

Worrying about what? She knew about what, but she couldn’t bring herself to type it, she couldn't even think of that word yet.

Google said after a week of missing your period it was time to see a doctor. Robin’s period was over three weeks late. 

And a month ago-

A month ago…

“Fuck you’re so tight,” The woman above her whispered. Robin whimpered, unable to help herself as the stretch-

“I need to use the bathroom.” She blurted out, slamming her laptop shut and practically throwing it off of her, stomach twisting into knots. 

“I’ll tell you what I tell my students Bobbin,” Steve said, barely looking up and completely unaware of her meltdown, “You don’t need to ask me for permission to go take care of your bodily functions,”

“Oh, shut up,” Robin replied, laughing breathlessly. It was such a stupid joke, such a meaningless stupid joke. But it was safe, and it was familiar, and if the sneaking suspicion creeping down Robin’s spine was true, then nothing would be safe and familiar again for a very long time. 

She stood up, stopping to press a kiss to the top of Steve’s head as she walked by, just because that was familiar too and she needed it. Steve hummed, leaning over to bonk his head against her tummy as she passed him.

A bonk on the tummy that may or may not be-

Nope. It was a no. It was definitely a no. There was no possible way. 

Robin was going to be sick. 

She basically flew the last few steps to the bathroom, managing to lock it tight before she threw up in the sink. It was disgusting, and messy, and she pushed the tap on before kneeling down at the porcelain throne and continuing to hurl. 

I need Steve.

It wasn’t even really a thought. She couldn’t think while throwing her guts up, that was an experience that required every bit of her attention and mind power. 

No, not a thought, just an instinctual message from the universe, a pull from somewhere deep inside her that felt like more than just a truth. 

Because Robin didn’t need Steve because she was throwing up. Or because she thought she might have boob cancer. 

Robin needed Steve because she knew she was pregnant. 

“Fuck me,” She groaned, leaning back from the toilet only to lean forward once more as the rest of brunch came back up. 

[kenmakodz]

˖˙ ᰋ ── the yap temple ˖*

introducing the main cast of "inamorata"! , an inumaki x reader smau.

⤷ our mains !

inumaki and y/n. both second years at tokyo jujutsu high.

toge inumaki, a semi-grade one sorcerer, who uses his inheritance of cursed speech to his advantage. seems like a quiet one, but is actually extremely talkative.. whether through rice ball ingredients or text. it takes quite a smart cookie to decode the meanings in his words, but being with him every day has gotten you mostly accustomed to it.

“toge, maki said if you ate her chips she left on the picnic table she’s going to find you. i don’t really know what that means.”

“FISH FLAKES”

y/n l/n, a grade one sorcerer, who also uses one of the five senses to her advantage, that being her eyes. to put it simply, focusing on a target allows the user to move much faster than seen in real time. essentially, slowing down time for themselves, but nobody else. can be used as a support or a main damage dealer in fights, making it quite useful. (concept created by iwa970 on reddit !)

[ adding onto this, although y/n can control the technique at will, she opts to wear glasses her mother gave her as a child while not fighting, that have been said to "keep others safe". she doesn't know just how true that actually is, but for loves sake does it anyways. often snags one of maki's weapons even if they're not really necessary, either to take dead weight off of panda (if he's around), or to test them out because honestly why not? (does she find it amusing? no sometimes.) ]

⤷ the second years !

yuuta okkotsu, a special grade sorcerer who can copy any ability at will, and utilize them with ease. can come off as a scary guy, but is actually the clumsiest, shyest, awkwardest, nicest person you'll ever meet. trains with maki often, but tries to frequent y/n as well. (he usually gets fed up and tells her "you're too fast! quit it!"

maki zenin, a fourth grade sorcerer who has been horribly mislabeled. one of- if not the most agile students at jujutsu high. she's flexible, quick on her feet, and easy to teach any of the few things she doesn't already know. you're in trouble against maki, not only on the battlefield but if you insult her or one of the people closest to her? in the words of panda, you should probably run.

panda, he's a panda. (jk). a semi-grade 2 sorcerer who is a goofy, cuddly guy most of the time, but can be quite intimidating if you're around him when he swaps his build. not as swift as the other students, but makes up for it with his strength. likes to say he's the "bodyguard" when in reality most of his friends will use him as a pillow.

⤷ the first years !

yuuji itadori, a semi-grade one (newbie) sorcerer, unarguably the physically strongest out of all the students. aside from his first mission, yuuji utilizes hand-to-hand combat like no other. quite a sight to see him lift and break things that nobody around him could ever fathom the strength of doing.

"yuujiiii?! i dropped something behind the fridge again! come move it please?"

nobara kugisaki, a grade three sorcerer who's inherited the straw doll technique. she relies on this technique for the majority of combat, similar to that of a 'voodoo' doll, one could say. picking fun at her is always funny until you realize your fate could (quite literally) be in her hands. she says she isn't strong, but you've witnessed her somehow cause itadori to fall down an entire flight of stairs. sorry shoko.

megumi fushiguro, a grade two sorcerer, inherited the ten shadows technique via the zenin family. often calls his shikigamis out during combat, but similar to maki is skilled at wielding weapons as well. sure, the demon dogs can be.. deadly, but who is he to say no when his friends are practically pleading for pets?!

all main characters unlocked!

masterlist is in progess, please be patient :)

previous , masterlist (wip) , next

taglist is open!

⤷ © kenmakodz

[spoonsand]

PART 2

RIP RED DEAD CHARACTERS YOU WOULD HAVE LOVED

Dutch- podcasts (making his own) + AITA Reddit stories, Coca Cola, monocles

Hosea- bingo, 70s disco music, swing dancing

Arthur- little toy dinosaur dig kits with the teeny tiny shovels, trampolines, Nanaimo bars

John- remote control toy cars, divorced dad music, Mountain Dew

Lenny- antiques, Epic Rap Battles of History (he would duel Sean and sometimes Karen),

Sean- roblox trolling, bell bottoms, GTA

Strauss- flootie pajamas, ebeneezer Scrooge outfits, cold calling

Trelawney- earl gray tea, crashing weddings, throwing pies into people’s faces

Charles- flower crowns, rock tumblers, surfing

Pearson- papas’s games (pizzeria, freezeria, ect), embroidery, floral scents

Micah- court ordered anger management, Andrew Tate, FailArmy videos

Javier- zyns, woodworking, eyebrow slits

Kieran- Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron, model trains (him, Sean, Lenny, Arthur, Tilly and Sadie would be absolutely mystified by the set Susan bought him)

Bill- short shorts, petting zoos, animal shelters

Uncle- Leslie Neilson films, heating pads, aligator meat

Reverend- online gambling, Pink Whitney, dap pens

Susan- wine, gold hoops, edibles on a late Friday night (shares with Dutch)

Mary-Beth- choose your own adventure books, Our Souls at Night/The Book Club/And so It Goes, lip lining

Molly- olives, grey’s anatomy, Butterscotch ice cream

Karen- scary movies, WWE, flip flops

Abigail- sparkling water, tiny hand bag sized dogs, face masks

Sadie - butterfly knife, industrial piercing, The Hells Angles,

Tilly- baseball, Star Wars, Volkswagen beetles

Jack- Roblox, Scooby doo movies, tootsie rolls

Bessie- Fleetwood Mac, block parties (she’d host her own), Subway

Annabel- Madonna, waist beads, jelly shoes

Issac- lava lamps, Lego video games, Trelawny

[slocumjoe]

Companions on social media

Cait; Posts gym thirst traps and videos of her working out or getting into fistfights. Can be found in the comments and DMs of women, gay or otherwise. Lots of activity in sobriety and self-help communities. Doesn’t have a lot of followers, but does fundraiser streams for a week every three months she's sober. The money goes to child abuse prevention foundations. Her most recent charity streams had her trying to get all achievements on Just Dance after someone donated 10k requesting it.

Codsworth; self-help videos for people struggling to take care of themselves. How to tidy up, how to take effective breaks, what needs to be cleaned in a house and what supplies you need...very useful, very popular with college students and teens. Once posted a video of him going at wasps with a chainsaw and gained a million subs overnight.

Curie; children's educational YouTube channel that's, somehow, more popular with young adults. Science experiments gone wrong. Think Jackass and Mythbusters hosted by a tiny French woman who approaches everything with the joy and whimsy of My Little Pony. Her most popular videos are her 100k subscriber specials, a series where she goes ghost and cryptid hunting to disprove them and demonstrate the fraudulence you can find behind such things.

Danse; has a Facebook for work purposes. It has a profile photo only because Haylen insisted. Fears the internet deeply, thinks its the closest humanity can get to staring into the void and seeing something blink. Unbeknownst to him, there's a viral video of him teaching a workout regimen to trainees. The comment sections are pure thirst. All of his coworkers know and made an oath to never speak of it.

Deacon; Is the one who snuck into training and got that video. Posted it to r/NextFuckingLevel with 🥵🥵🥵 for a caption. Owns several large meme accounts, all with distinct personalities and lives. Someone tried to dox him after suspicions, but found all accounts had different IPs and info. He's just that good. His Facebook changes profile photo every. Single. Day. He consumes an absurd amount of audio books. Drops CRAZY money on charity streams to make the host do weird shit, like 100% Just Dance. Probably sells feet pics.

Dogmeat; The internet's darling. Nick Valentine's dog who doesn't help with catching bad guys, but with far more important things; Dogmeat cuddles and plays with victims at the scene or in court. Also trained in search and rescue. Much of Dogmeat's page is just Nick sharing important information (hotlines, self-defense, survival tips, et cetera) while petting or playing with Dogmeat. Kind of a McGruff the Crime Dog vibe.

Gage; Facebook that he uses to cyberbully cop pages and Craigslist to offer his...unconventional services (pretending to be your boyfriend at family gatherings to cause drama). His pet lizard, an Argentine Tegu, has an Instagram with 3k followers. The Tegu often wins pet competitions and Gage posts the awards captioned with 🖕🏻💚🦎💚🖕🏻. Works at an amusement park, posts tell-all confessions on Reddit.

MacCready; Facebook with friends and family, posts a lot of Duncan. His YouTube history is videos for Duncan. Lots of Curie's videos. Mac has a Craigslist and LinkedIn, does odd jobs when he isn't working as a security guard at a shooting range. Activite in communities about comics, shows, and video games. Sometimes he'll post a theory about a show or comic and he's usually right. Really enjoys the meltdowns of fandoms when the media takes a nasty turn, even if he's also betrayed.

Nick; Ellie runs Dogmeat's page, Nick just does the talking. As for Nick himself, has some pages for his work (that Ellie also manages) and a Facebook profile to stay in touch with friends and family. Much like Danse, consumes media offline—except for poetry. Most of his screen time is spent on Poetry.com, one of those people that leave comments. He likes how the internet makes information and art accessible. Very peaceful and wholesome internet time.

Hancock; The void that Danse is scared of. Also does streams, but not only for fundraisers. Streams high. Streams himself trying to find his way back to his apartment late at night. Always end up in a fast food joint, trying to convince the workers to unionize. Twitter shitposter until a politician needs cyberbullying. Organizes protests. Extremely active in Massachusetts' political scene, his fans are a force to be reckoned with. Has fistfought his own fans before. Occasionally cancels himself to prove a point. Makes mock apology videos whenever another celeb/influencer fucks up.

Preston; Park ranger and community organizer. Uses Facebook and TikTok to appeal to all ages. Is unfairly good at TikTok dances. Posts safety tips, upcoming event information, etc. Does a lot of work with Dogmeat and Nick. Posts bodycam footage of him arresting people, like shutting down fire-themed gender reveal parties, or poachers. Not a lot of followers, but the bodycam footage goes viral on subreddits like r/Instant_Karma.

Piper; a journalist and blogger. Posts videos of her political rants and makeup/hair routine. Joins Hancock in politician cyberbullying. Makes commentary essays and videos, sometimes book reviews. Appears on podcasts. Her media presence is decently known, but mild. She tries to keep herself distant from it. Despite this, has a good-sized following who appreciate the lack of parasociality. Her most famous video is her trying to find the best coffee spots in Boston.

X6-88; security guard for the Massachusetts Institute of Technology who got stuck running the Twitter when the last guy got arrested on weed charges. Piper keeps DMing for an interview and he keeps blocking her accounts. He has LinkedIn for work. Half of it is redacted and involves NDAs. No other media presence except for one thing; he's an infamous esports cryptid. Across a few different shooter games, a high-rank player called X6-88 (its just his first initial and the numbers on his security badge) fucking curbstomps everyone in the match. He has never died or missed a shot. Never speaks in chat, never in team chat. He's a legend among gamers. For him, he's just relaxing on a Friday night, keeping his senses sharp. Doesn't realize there are compilation videos of streamers raging at him.

[jacqcrisis]

People in the banpitbulls subreddit are something else. The vast majority of dogs belonging to the various bully breeds we collectively call 'pit bulls' go through their entire lives without a problem but if you just listened to them, every single one if those dogs will murder a minimum of seven school buses full of orphans by the time they are five.

Yes, it is a dog with a high prey drive that needs an experienced owner and plenty of exercise and mental stimulation in order to properly keep it. Yes, they should be leashed, properly socialized, trained well, and under supervision around children and smaller animals AS ALL DOGS SHOULD as every dog has the capacity to do a lot of harm. Yes, the five or six different bully breeds are responsible for more attacks than any single other breed. Yes, pibble advocates can be annoying, insensitive, and get a lot of the nitty gritty wrong.

But no, not every pit bull type dog is a ticking time bomb monster whose planning to eat you, your family, your other dog, and your house. In fact, statistically, most of them will not be a problem. Stop having a panic attack or a rage induced aneurysm every time you see someone posting a picture of their bully being cute.

[pauloq]

BUDDY