#ESPECIALLY BECAUSE I CANT JUST GET CRUSHES ON PEOPLE IT TAKES YEARS I'VE ONLY HAD 1 CRUSH THROUGHOUT MY LIFE

[mintaikcorpse]

Me reading a fic where the person had an identidy realization that they were in he aroace spectrum and now they were figuring themselves out(I finally found something that understood me and a romance I could relate to after all these years)

[elisedonut]

18 and 35 for the ask game please!

How i would combine a Circus AU + Bathtub Fic

thank you for participating with me!!

OK!

So!

First thought was Weasley family circus au where the family itself is a travelling cirrus i have no idea if that's a thing i know most media I've seen is very found family vibes with characters coming into a new family. (or you know abusive situations but I'm electing to ignore those so yes

Weasley Family Circus

maybe it's still a magical world maybe its not

if it is magic somehow then i imagine it be a situation where they had to run during the first war instead of hunkering down and hiding

eventually figuring out they could make money by putting on shows and it spiraling a bit

but that depends a lot on how you think the statue of secrecy works

i think you could hand wave it by making it something that only matters when using wands which I've seen a few times

so like if they enchant say a balance bar to not have to worry so much about not falling off it since they didn't do that in front of the audience it doesn't count

or

the "if the audience doesn't realize its like legit magic then it doesn't trigger whatever they use to tell its been broken because its just a non issue" method which is also very fun imo though cant say I've seen it very often

so pretty much this is all set up for someone who also has magic

i don't know who because i would want it to be someone who doesn't know Percy but it needs to be some bad at keep their mouth shut i think

but someone visiting said circus and getting absolutely drenched but like not water

(what is it? Fred says you don't want the answer)

because of something the twins invented because i just think they would love being in the circus especially because i could see them getting more like support? from Molly specifically since its directly helpful to their act and such

but whatever it is. its obviously not muggle so the person outright asks about it and loudly which obviously they are brushed off but Percy still brings them to the family tent with the intention to get them a towel and maybe a change of clothes

now side note

the family tent has all sorts of muggle charms on it to make it look like well normal so it just looks like a few fairly large tents (it originally looked like a single one but as the kids got older Molly

(and by Molly i really mean Bill, she thinks it was her idea though)

started to notice people talking about them squishing the kids in such a small place and chose to adjust to wards to look like multiple

point is obviously that only effects Muggles so to magic people it looks like one large tent on the outside and obviously looks expansive on the inside pretty much the burrow but its a tent

also because the other prompt is bathtub fic I'm choosing to believe in this au their tub is actually pretty large and kinda nice because the tent was originally a fancy camping tent with a large one meant for relaxing that Arthur found on sale for cheap when Percy was 13

ok back on topic

Percy notices immediately that the person is also magic sense they look far too interested in what should be nothing and ends up letting them use the bath and then you get that fun scene where they get out and are really cute

and Percy gets a crush and penpal for awhile before he leaves the family behind after a few years because he wants to actually settle down somewhere and stuff still leads to a fight and a strained relationship because of the closer nature of the siblings (and because unlike og in this world Percy's the first to leave)

but uh yeah

a smaller secondary concept that crossed my mind was stealing the water transportation from kyo kara maoh but instead of the alternate word being a typical medieval-ish fantasy world its instead still a fantasy world but like Percy taking a bath in the prefects bathroom and wakes up in a circus that is also a kingdom

and now he has alternate vers of a bunch of people he knows wanting his attention due to some vague prophecy nonsense about the one who marries the visitor will prosper but like make it silly

on top of also having to solve different problems and always having a chance of being sent back to his world every time he takes a bath

in other words Percy Weasley gets to play an Otome game but in real life

[itshesdimples]

-Hello to anyone reading. This is my first time writing something and putting it out for the world to see. That being said, I would love any constructive criticism you have to give me. Thank you for any support you may give me, I cant thank you enough xoxo ~H - 

I remember the day as if it were yesterday; the day you crossed the unimaginable line. 

I thought we had everything, I thought I was your everything. 

2 MONTHS AGO

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

You were a little worried, seeing as you two had been together for a little over nine months and it was extremely rewarding. The time apart has always been different to the other relationships she had been in the past but with Harry it seemed like more than she had ever received from the previous men. 

As a surgical intern you work countless hours and never really get more than a few hours to yourself, so when you met Harry you really never saw it going anywhere. You were just too happy for your own good, openly expressing your life to perfect strangers and expecting them all to be accepting of who you are.

* 9 MONTHS AGO* 

The hospital you worked at allotted 80 hours a work week and as hopeful as you may be feeling, there is a little voice in the back of your head telling you not to go bar hopping. "Just one drink and then water." you emphasize to your good friend Mike, the bartender. 

"Vodka soda coming right up, Dr. Demanding." He chuckles. You turn around in the chair and stare at all the fellow drunks, looking for your intern comrades who should be here by now. 

Although you dont find your friends, you spot a very handsome, familiar face coming toward you. Admiring the face across from you, you decide to take the first step following by the downing of your vodka soda. " You dont seem to be familiar with the very famous bar here in town so you must not be from around here," you tease, holding out your hand to shake. "I'm [Y/N]. Not to sound weird but have we met before?" You get a very bold feeling of deja vu but laugh it off. "I'm sorry, my friends are supposed to be here by now and I'm socially handicapped, sometimes I dont know when to stop talking." Now you're just rambling at the breathtaking man in front of you and feeling red in the cheeks. 

"Its alright love, I sometimes feel socially handicapped around exquisite women such as yourself. Actually, that sounded like you're one of hundreds but I-- what I meant to say was that, you seem a little lonely. Can I buy you a drink?" He rambles, tugging at his jacket. 

"I am only allowed one drink, I know it sounds weird but I'm on a ticking time bomb, you see this?" You pull out your pager, "any moment this thing will go off and I have to skip back to work like a dreamy little school girl but inside I am dying of starvation, need a beer and twenty hours sleep." You just keep spitting up word vomit and your face is permanently pink but you just cant stop because what if it gets quiet? Now that's when it gets awkward.

"I don't think we have ever met because I'd remember you" Harry confirms, looking you up and down your shapely body. "What do you do for a living that has you on such a tight leash?" Taking a sip of his beer, he stands up and walks next to the chair you're sitting in. 

"Surgical intern, Dr. [Y/L/N] at your service, sir." You cant help but crack a little bit of the tension you have building up in your stomach while talking to him but that doesn't stop you from staring him in the eyes and trying your best to flirt. 

The aura around him is too intoxicating, too much to handle without trying to add a little humor in the mix. "I like it when you call me sir, Dr. [Y/L/N] but how long have you been a doctor? I'd love to get to know you before you have to leave me." He articulates, trying to captivate her attention.

"I love my job but it has been a long winded road, it feels like years but I've only been a real doctor for a little over two months. It takes a lot out of me but that is why I'm glad I have two great friends who I can lean on. We keep each other afloat and they're also my roommates. I don't know where I would be without them." All of that poured out of my mouth before I had the chance to cork it but I couldn't help telling him something about myself that was at least surface level.

He just seems like an eerie case of the best illusion I've ever seen. I cant help but shake the feeling that I've known him all my life, like telling him the ins-and-outs of my life wouldn't be detrimental to my health. 

"Now tell me something about yourself. For starters maybe your name? I've never seen you here before and I'm here all the time so I'm pretty good at knowing who is an out of towner, and I don't know how much time I have left." You're trying to get to know him and that is so unlike you. Having had boyfriends in the past, you were never the one asking the questions or wanting to get to know them more than a few dates and drinks. The longest relationship you have ever had was two months and you two went to high school together. 

"Hi I'm Harry, and I don't know how much longer I get to sit next to you so please can I have your number, sunshine? I would love to take you for dinner sometime soon." Harry is going out on a whim asking for your phone number but keeps going, "From what I have gathered you are a very busy woman and I admire that, love it even. I know this sounds crazy but I feel like I know you already and I have never felt that with another person so please give me a chance, I will work around your schedule. I dont care what it--" he is stopped when your pager goes off as an emergent patient being admitted, all hands on deck you assume. 

"Sunshine, huh? I like it." You wink at him and ask Mike for a pen so you can scrawl your number on a napkin and thank Harry for a very pleasant chat. It was good to know that he felt for you, as you did him after just meeting the man, and his nickname for you was adorable. 

For the next two weekends you spent getting to know Harry on a personal note. He told you he loved writing music, performing and was already an amazing talent. Harry showed you his latest music and you wondered how you hadn't connected the dots sooner. You knew he was a very private person, as he told you on your first date. 

(FLASHBACK)

"I'd love to get to know your friends, and see what kind of person you are. I can't wait to know you but I just want you to know that I can't have a lot of people knowing what is going on in my personal life." He sighs, you two sat down at dinner and he couldn't help but spit out what he wanted to tell you when you first met. "I don't want to sound pretentious or come off as someone who cares about his appearance to others but I have to tell you that I make music for a living and have quite the lot of fans. Screaming fans to be exact, " he chortles, asking the waiter for a bottle of wine to start off, "but I can't help but love them all. They made my career but I have to remain a private person. I adore my fans but they are very protective and I don't want our relationship to struggle because of a few of them saying unkind things." He grabs your hand and looks you in the eyes, trying to make you understand the reason for privacy.

"I've never met anyone like you Harry and I meet a lot of people on the regular. You have this way about you that draws me in and I want to get to know you. If that means that I cannot post my gushing about you on social media, so be it. I really like you and would like to know who you are." You declare, hoping he understands that he as a person means more than everyone understanding her lifestyle choices. 

(END OF FLASHBACK) 

Tonight was the night you knew you wanted to understand him on an even more personal level. You knew that the way you felt for him wasn't a normal crush, wasn't even a normal type of love. You knew he had the power to hurt you if he wished to do so but that was so far in the back of your mind. He meant so much to you already that it didn't matter you two were keeping your relationship a secret from most of the world, apart from a select few. It was the best date of them all, Harry cooked you and your best friends dinner so when you got off work, dinner was on the table. He was always so thoughtful of your needs and you thought it was the time to prioritize his.

"Take me to bed Harry." You whimper, "I want you." 

*7 MONTHS LATER* 

Things were hectic in your life but that was the way they always were but now it seemed like days stretched past 24 hours and turned into a marathon sprint that never ended. 

The day Harry unmistakably broke you was the day that sleep had everything on you. Going for days on end was something you were accustomed to but after he cut you deeper than you could ever be, sleep seemed to be your only friend. 

You thought you knew him better than anyone. He was your Harry, your everything, even your person maybe? 

But when his decision to take his career to the next step interfered in your relationship, your life; that was the day to call it quits no matter the devastation. He may have been your soulmate but maybe, just maybe it wasn't right. The timing, the place of it all was just too much. Your life just didn't have room for much else, especially someone who was willing to hurt you unimaginably and not walk away in order to lessen the blow. 

*2 WEEKS BEFORE THE INEVITABLE *

"Hey sunshine, just calling to let you know I wont be able to make it home this time. I'm sorry, the label has me doing something that I'm not sure is a good idea but they say it will help me in the long run." He sighs at the end, I imagine him palming his forehead.

"Look, I need you to listen to me when I tell you that you are everything to me, you make me want to become the best version of myself. During the months we have been together I have seen the best and worst side of you and I'm not running, promise. I want you to be mine forever, do you hear me? Just remember that." Harry expelled.

That was two hours ago and within those two hours you knew it was best to stay off your phone. You keep telling yourself to not look for anything leading you to clues about his voice mail. It wasn't like him to express his feelings over the phone, he was an in person 'declare-my-love-for-you' type of man so when you listened to it you thought it was best to stay off your phone. 

Trailing off to the shower in pursuit of getting to work, you hear your phone's inescapable shrill from your bedroom and decide to opt away from contact to that thing. 

As soon as you leave for work is when your heart stops, skips a few beats and then plummets into your stomach. 

"Harry Styles in a relationship with Camille Rowe? That is the best thing I have heard all week. The star tells us that they met months ago and kept it a secret in order to get to know each other. We cant wait for updates on their relationship. Now on to the juic--" That's all you can hear for the rest of the day, ringing in your mind like it is an announcement on the P.A. at work for all to hear. 

You knew that was the end of everything. Devastation didn't even hit the mark, it was like everything in the world was on fast forward and you were still trying to get through the commercials. Nothing made sense any more, the glass was no longer half full. It was completely drained and then smashed on the ground into a million little pieces. That was how her whole body felt, like it was just shattered on the ground, irreparable. 

The damage was done and there was nothing holding you back from wailing like a siren in front of all of the patients waiting for surgery, but your best friends always had your back. Making sure you eat during lunch and taking you to the bar at the end of your shift so you can drink the bottle dry. 

Just shy of a half hour sitting at the bar was when you were cut-off by Harry running into the bar rambling about how he thought they were spinning the tabloids another way. 

"I thought they were going to report that we just met and were already dating, I would have never let them ruin what we had by saying I knew her while you and I were together. I told them exactly what to say! I don't even know her, we just met." He jumbles his sentences trying to get hold of his clear message. 

You stand up from your seated position and start motioning for him to join you outside. Once out there, you decide what is best moving forward. 

"While we were together?" You scoff, trying to be as civil as can be under your obvious exhaustion, throwing your hands up in exasperation.

"At least you said something truthful in the last two minutes you decided to interrupt my break. Yes, you and I are no longer together. Honestly we should have never started something, our careers couldn't be more opposite and honestly I cannot afford to ruin my career over someone who wants to build his on lies. So thank you for what we had but from now on I would like to move forward, away from you." You keep talking in order to get your point across, hoping that when all is said and done there will be closure on both ends. 

You know that Harry does care for you but in these last twenty four hours you've learned is that maybe you can't have it all. Maybe happily-ever-afters are only for the imagination. 

Maybe life throws things at you so you can overcome them but there are times like these when she wonders what the message is supposed to be? 

Is there a message? 

That you can have one person in your life that should be your forever but just cant fit in there? 

"I know we never said it but I do love you, I think I always will but we can't make it fit. The time we spent together was great and I hope there is a lesson in there somewhere. I can only believe that closure is what we need now." She grabs on to his shoulder and goes in for a hug to end the conversation but he pulls back,"How could you think that we need closure? What we need is each other. I need you, in my life with me forever. You are always going to be the only one for me, I just know it." He grabs on to her and holds for dear life, hoping that he can convey her to stick it out for them both. 

"I know what I'm feeling is selfish because I never want to hurt you but my career is part of my life and I can't run away from who I am but I want you in my life, always. I will never stop loving you." Harry pulls away and looks in her eyes with tears in his," I cannot fathom a life without my sunshine. Maybe the timing is wrong but cant we make it right?" 

[Y/N] pulls away, trying to compose herself and make the most rational decision. She needs to think about her life and what she needs, not anyone else. "Harry Styles, while being with you was the best rollercoaster ride of my life, and if I could stay on forever I would do so; I have to get off. I need to pull away for the sake of my head and heart. Being with you makes me happy but when it interferes with my work, which is saving lives, I have to be on one hundred percent all the time. You have clouded my thoughts and judgement, and while being a star is part of who you are, being a doctor is me so I cannot give up who I am. Sometimes maybe love isn't enough?" By this point you can't hold back the sobs you have held in since you knew the inevitable truth and holding them back would be foolish, so you let them come. 

Harry tries to grab onto you with the little strength he has left from crying and lack of sleep. "I cannot let you get away. You are my everything! I canno--" he tries to catch his breath in between the racks of his heart," please, please do not leave me [Y/N]. We can make this work. I love you and that is enough, it is enough for me. Please." Harry whispers the last part, crouching in front of you and trying to hold you to him. 

"It isn't enough for the both of us Harry, and you know it." You're trying to hold back until you can be alone. All you want is to crawl in bed and become dead to the world because that's how you feel right about now. " I will always love you and maybe one day that love will be enough but right now I just don't see how that is possible Harry. I can't rationalize what is happening in our relationship and tell you that we will make it through it. The best thing to do is cut our ties before we start to resent each other." You take one last breath, looking at your friends inside the bar. You signal to them that you're leaving, and say the one thing that you know will hurt the most. 

"I can't try anymore to be with you so this is my goodbye. I wish you the best Harry, I really do." In the middle of all this you had a death grip on his hands but now is the time to walk away from one of the best things to happen to you. As gut wrenching as it is, the best thing for the both of them was to move on. Worry about the time in their career when it is at the peak so as hurtful as it is, she knows that she is doing what's best. 

You pull away from his grasp, looking down at him kneeling on the ground and kiss his forehead. "I love you." You whisper through tears. 

All you can hear behind you is wails of sirens, drunk people cheering on the football game inside but the one thing that is the loudest is Harry's cries. As soon as you walk away you break down into a blubbering mess. Your friends catch up after you, while looking at the mess you and Harry made behind. You can hear Harry's cries of desperation and the only thing your heart is telling you to do is 'go back, go back to him' but you know it's not logical. 

If it is meant to be you will make it work at a better time. Things will come together and make sense one day but not when her mind is a fuzzy mess. Maybe weeks, months or years later she will understand what it means to have love be enough. It has to mean something right? 

Good byes may hurt but sometimes they are unsurpassable. Sometimes they come barreling into your life totally unexpected and ruin something you thought could be forever. 

[scarletlight-has-issues]

hello. please tell me about varian. i've already seen tangled the series but i just want to hear more about him

I love him,,, people don’t talk enough about him. I am going to die on the hill of “varian is the most traumatized character in the show” He’s a LITERAL CHILD. 

He has all of the “normal” issues, like not having a mother, desperately wanting someone, anyone’s approval, his father disapproving of what he’s dedicated his life to, feeling like his father doesn’t care about him, which on its own is a lot. Then you throw in all of the INSANE issues he has, like making a mistake that takes out the only family he has, in his mind he doesnt know if Quirin is dead or worse, he has to look at him, just out of reach. He runs to the only friends he has and, in his mind, the only hope for his father, and they throw him back into the snow, he runs back only to see that the one person he cares about most in the world is.... well... *sigh....* He keeps up hope, trying to find something that could help free him, expecting his friends to come and help him after the storm was over. Maybe some of his neighbors will reach out? But nobody comes. Imagine how heartbreaking that must be to him. In his min, nobody n the world cares about him, he doubts whether or not he will ever get his father’s approval, whether he will ever see him smile at him again. even if he is freed, will he even forgive him? He convinces himself that its rapunzel’s fault, because hes a child and if he physically cannot handle the feelings of guilt and anger he’s feeling, and no one is helping him deal with them in any way. Everything in the finale of season 1 happens, I don’t think I need to explain that.

Then we come to his time in prison. Hooo boy, people do NOT TALK ABOUT THIS ENOUGH. First of all, HES 14. I get that he had to go to prison to pay for his crimes, BUT EARLIER IN THE SEASON FREDRICK LITERALLY SAID “We cant send two kids to jail!” IN REGARDS TO RED AND ANGRY AND THEN HE THROWS VARIAN IN THE DUNGEON! And, okay, I can understand that, not that I agree with it, but I do understand it- but what I CANNOT COMPREHEND is why he throws him in a cell with a man who’s twice his age, which by itself is awful, but on top of that, this man is a known terrorist, an attempted murderer, and a master manipulator. WHAT THE HELL FREDRICK.

Back to varian’s trauma. Prison is a lot, especially for someone so young, he was in prison for over a year with a man who pretended to care about him, pretend to comfort him, stroking the flames of his anger to use for his own benefit. Imagine varian’s heartbreak when he realizes that the only person i the entire world that he trusts is just using him, just pretending to care and was manipulating him the entire time. Not only that, but he tried to KILL HIM. THIS LITERAL CHILD. HE HOLDS HIM OUT OVER THE AIRSHIP AND GRINS AT HIS PANIC, RELISHES IN HIS FEAR AND DRINKS IT IN. ANYway.... enough about how much andrew sucks because I COULD GO ON FOR HOURS ABOUT HOW MUCH HE SUCKS-

Now we get to the more nuanced issues he faces- 

Its implied in “be very afraid” that he has to deal with the hate of every person he meets on the streets. WHAT REALLY GETS ME IS IN THAT EPISODE, HES CONSTANTLY WATCHING HIS FATHER SCREAMING AT HIM FOR HELP AS HES BEING ENCASED IN CRYSTAL. THAT’S FUCKING NIGHTMARE FUEL. AND HES PRETTY MUCH FINE. Sure, hes more freaked out than usual, but he only breaks down after he NEARLY FALLS TO HIS FUCKING DEATH. what really gets me, is that if he’s that good at acting when THAT IS HAPPENING, that could mean that the way he is normally, happy excitable, eager to please, is just a facade. The line that gets me is “And everyone would hate me, even more than they do now! ..n-not that I blame them....” NOT THAT I BLAME THEM. WHY IS NO ONE HELPING THIS CHILD?

Anyway, then we get to Cassandra’s revenge. And,,, This child gets kidnapped and drugged by the person he’s had a crush on for over a year. 

That.

okay, I love the whump but.

Jesus disney.

what did varian do to you?

also, its not specifically addressed, but you can tell from his facial expressions that resisting the truth potion is agonizingly painful to resist.

so um, I’m really fucking tired, and im i a lot of fucking pain, so Im sorry if im forgetting anything. I really dont know how to end this. so um. yeah.

I’d love to hear your feedback!

...oops I wrote another essay about varian.......

[shinahbee]

October Favorites 2020!

Hello!

i'm going to start bringing these favorites of the month from my deviantart to here on tumblr. Hopefully you will find something good out of the things that I have been liking recently, please leave in the comments anything that you have been liking this month ( books, manga, anime, tv shows...etc) I have been a little uninspired for a while, but I'm still working on a few new digital art pieces as well as continuing my painting hobby, so there's a lot of content on the way!

okay so on to the things that I've been liking this month.

So if you've seen my latest digital art " who's baby is it?" I have been delving into web toons which I have not read other than mo dao zu shi since I watched the anime and It just suddenly stopped after season 2. I thought reading the web toon would answer some of those questions  i had. It lead me to reading a bunch of webtoons all in the shounen ai category for some reason...lol. and I've been really liking some of the stories, Until this point web toons never really interested me since I've been reading manga since I was younger , so i've been used to just seeing the black and white pages of art, since web toons have coloured pages, it makes me appreciate the effort they used to colour every panel, so a lot of work went into these so i appreciate it for what it is even if the story inst great.

let me preface by saying that even though i'm delving into BL, i've been exposed to yaoi ever since I was in high school by one of my best friends, she lent me her favorite anime which was " gravitation" and all remember was wanting a man that was like yuki...lol. don't we all?

since then I have been reading some yaoi manga...only ones that are NOT predicated on sexual violence and abuse, which I know is prevalent in this category, I just don't like it and the message it sends, so i avoid that all together.

unless of course it has a particular message it wants to convey, not glorifying it. if that makes sense.

okay so here are my recommendations, i'll give a very brief summary of each of them

Manga/Manhwa:

----------------------------------------------

Who's baby is it? 

- “a man named yi yun wanted to be an actor and is part of an acting company for several years and still was not successful, apparently it was because he was born with really bad luck, so to change his life perspective he decided that he wanted to be a surrogate father and donate his sperm to a surrogate mother in order to have a child that is his blood. So he and his child were living happily together through yi yuns work periods and suddenly there is a man that claims he is the child's actual blood related father and wanted to take the child into his custody.”

please read the summary I have in my fan art, I've wrote my thoughts on this manhwa.

To be or not to be

-  “A company president diagnosed with cancer and died has been transmigrated into his favorite novel, where he was reborn as the antagonistic emperor that the main character defeats in the end, on top of which the main lead is currently the captive of said emperor, so in order to survive he will do anything to protect the protagonist and make sure he stays alive inside the novels universe.”

oh to be or not to be that is the question...lol. it really is. currently is is one of my favorites, I like how modern day people  can look at the acts of history and modify certain things so that it would less likey repeat itself for the worse, we need this sort of mentality at this moment...

Social temperature

- “Song Yuan is indifferent when dealing with people he is an elite student at T- university as a science major, one day his friend started to question his sexuality and set him up with a month trial dating app as a joke, as soon as he went to delete the app on his phone, he was suddenly matched with a boy named "Mu", who turns out to be his classmate/ rival in his science program, his named is Xaio Mu , he is an exchange student abroad and got into this elite science program, hoping to meet new friends he approached song yuan and proceed to converse with him only to be ridiculed by him saying that he wears too much perfume and it made him sick so then he became the class social outcast.But after using the app to converse with "Mu"...song yuan became curious as to what he is actually like...using the fake name and bio of " Andrew " they start to get to know each other more.”

omg , this is triggering for me, since Mu is basically me a few years ago when I was also in a medical science program minus the talking on tinder thing lol, I felt as though everyone in that program was in it for themselves and I didn't not like the how people think they are entitled to everything...that's why i'm not in it no more.lol. there are a few plot holes in the story that I don't really get but other than that I really like this story I read the chapters that are out so far like 3 times cause I'm waiting for the rest to be translated. I also actually read the Novel by the same author of the manhua called " social outcast" so if you just want to read it in text format please read that novel instead, I like the novel up to a point and then it didn't really make sense after wards..lol.

so i can't say that i recommended it completely. Also Mu's character design I really like, thus i'm going to make a fan art of him soon...omg he's so beautiful, i'm in love lol.

Salad Days  ( tang liu zang) 

- “This is the story between a young innocent ballet boy and a passionate, determined boxing boy. The two met at the children’s palace, and since then, they have grown up together supporting each other. May there be hardships, may there be obstacles, yet they never stopped pursuing their dreams. The beauty of the salad days is the sweat from the hard work and the bonding of friendship. Although they have completely different paths set up for them, what never changes is their beautiful friendship.”

wow this story so far is really beautiful, I was in ballet for 3  years so it was slightly relatable to me, I feel like the over all message is that people sacrifice a lot for their dreams and if you are very passionate about it, there's no on that can really stop you, the only one that can stop you is you. I can't wait to see this story progress further  

K-dramas:

------------------------------------------

it okay to not be okay - this probably has been mentioned as everyone's favorite, but rightfully so, I really like ko mun young's character as a person who seems like an assertive and powerful woman, but is suffering from a social disorder. and how moon gang tae has to not only deal with mental patients at his job but also his older brother being autistic, he himself is suffering from mental illness. this drama is  something not a lot of dramas portray in dealing with mental illness and how the patients/ loved ones  are feeling when watching them go through it all. I liked the story and the message  and it made me cry in every episode, so fair warning...have tissues beside you as you watch.

itaewon class- I was not going to watch this because of the mixed reviews but I did any ways, and it was really good, a really good depiction of how money and power isn't the end all be all , and being happy  is really the best revenge you can get, it also addresses racism and prejudice on one character and sexism on a trans-gendered woman. I also think this is a story that protrays something that really hasn't been exposed to in k-dramas specifically. It depends on your morals and what you understand so far in your life wether you would like this drama or not, so i understand the mixed reviews that it gets, but for me it was a really good story.

Anime/ TV shows:

---------------------------------------------

I don't have any anime recommendations this month mainly cause I have not been watching any, but there are some that i might watch soon  so I will list those below, let mew know if any of you have seen them and should I be watching them.

- Nobelese

-yasha hime ( inuyasha  new series)

-Haikyuu  new season

-heavens official blessing ( same author of mo dao zushi) - just started watching

-scum bag saving system- just started watching

Music :

----------------------------------

so I have just been listening to a lot of OSTs,

I really recommend the itaewon class soundtrack, all the songs are so good!

my favorite on is " crush- No words "

also my friend has been sending me NCT  and super M practice  videos so I've been listening to their music as well, please listen to make a wish by NCT U, it has been stuck in my head and I cant get it out...lol.

------------------------------

that's all for this October faves summary. please comment below if anything interested you for the month of October, I would also like to read your recommendations as well, please also take care of yourselves especially now with all that's escalating in the world.

take care!

sheena

[stateofgrace1303]

My chronic illness, how it started.

*Can you guys please reblog and/or tag Taylor?? I really want her to read

this. I want this to get to her and I'll take any help I can get. I rarely ask this but it'd mean to world to me. I wanna get my story

out there (even if this is only a part of the entire story. The rest I

might post sometime if you guys want me too. I think I did include

everything I wanted to for now though). Just thank you all so much!!! I

love you all ❤*

(Im really sorry about how long this is. Its like a little novel. Plus I'm

OCD and tend to talk/rant until it feels just right... I just wanted to

share it with all of you, since its something I would've shared on TSL,

even though it'd probably be too long for there... But I wanted to share it

here because most of those swifties can be found on tumblr, and I want you

all to hear this... Maybe it'll even get to Taylor too. But please read if

you can. It'd mean a lot to me. Also I tried writing this but then it got

deleted when I tried posting it, so hopefully this one posts (I ended up trying to post this ALL DAY. I'm so glad it's finally up).)

Hey Swifties! So, I thought I would post this because its something I'd

post on TSL if it was still around, as I shared pretty much my whole life

on there, and I always found swifties very easy to talk to (plus you're all

just the nicest people)! So, I wanted to share this on here since most

swifties can be found on tumblr. I'm sure i talked a little bit about this

on tsl (my user was stateofgrace1303, same as on here and ig) but I wanted

to tell you guys more, especially because its getting so much more intense

now and like I said I've always found swifties very easy to talk to you.

Basically, when I was 12, my dad took me to see the RED tour at Gillette

Stadium. We had gone to see the Speak Now tour there and I had been

completely wonderstruck (no pun intended) by Taylor that night. I was 10 at

the speak now tour and had idolized Taylor since I was 6 and she put out

TOMG (and I was known as the Taylor Swift girl by now at my school). So

even though I was 10 I asked my dad, if I save up the money will you take

me to see her when she comes again? And he said yes. About 2 weeks before

the show, I had saved up enough. He didn't think i could do it, but I did.

So, I got tickets and we went to the tour. But when I was walking towards

the stadium (we had parked in a lot right down the street), my vision

became weird, almost like tunnel vision although nothing was turning black

around the edges of my vision. My feet looked very far away from me.

Suddenly, a rush of dizziness came over me and instinctively i grabbed onto

my dads arm to keep from falling down. He asked if I was okay and I could

barely get out words for some reason. I was starting to sweat and we

thought maybe i was dehydrated, so we got into the stadium as quickly as

possible. I was gripping onto everything around me to keep from falling,

but eventually we got into the stadium and I got some water. We had seats

on the field, so that's where I was, drinking some water when suddenly I

was pretty sure I was going to throw up. It was starting to get super

uncomfortable so my dad brought my to the first aid, which was actually

right at the enterance on the field. So when we went in there my dad told

them what was going on and they all looked at me weird and said "people

never get sick. We usually treat bee stings and allergic reactions. We

almost never have people get sick" which actually surprised me. But, they

took me back and laid me down. Almost immediately I started puking. The

nurse I had actually had just had a baby and had some anti nausea

medication on her. So, she gave me that but it didn't work. And I just got

worse. My dad went to find me something to eat so I'd have something in my

stomach. He came back with some chips and iced/frozen lemonade but I threw

up every time. I was so dizzy at this point I was gripping onto the bed

they had me on and puking my guts out, as well as sweating a lot. After a

while, as it only got worse, they actually thought I might have had food

posioning and asked what I ate. But there they noticed something. I was

completely white. Like white as a ghost. Except for my lips, which were

turning blue. And I was struggling to breathe. They wanted to take me to

Boston Childrens and my dad asked if I wanted to, but it was Taylor. I

couldn't miss it. So I said no for that reason. But actually, everyone at

the stadium was trying to get me tickets for the show the next night as she

was playing two nights. Security guards, the nurses, my dads girlfriend...

But nobody could get tickets in the end which was okay. But later my dad

went and for a list of everybody's set times. I had been in first aid for

about an hour at this point. He came back with the list and said "I promise

I will not let you miss them" he said and pointed to Ed Sheerans name, then

Taylor, since I was a huge Ed fan as well. He knew I probably wouldn't be

able to stay, but even seeing them for a minute would've been perfect to

me. Another hour had passed, and I was still there in the same condition.

It was terrifying, and they were really pushing me to go to the hospital

(they wanted to call an ambulance because they actually thought something

very bad might happen if they didn't). But I keep pushing that off because

I wanted to see Taylor and Ed so badly. But, 2 hours I had been there in

the same condition, puking up everything, completely white with blue lips,

struggling to breathe, so dizzy I couldn't even sit up. It was starting to

get painful honestly. So, I suddenly just burst out crying. I was just a 12

year old who wanted to see my idol, and I got this... This weird sickness,

and got stuck in first aid. In so much pain. I didn't even really

understand what was happening. I had always been a sick kid. Always getting

colds and infections. In fact, I almost died as a baby from a problem with

my kidneys, and had become septic. Its a miracle I lived. But I had never

experienced anything like this... And to experience it when I was just

trying to see my idol? When it was only my second concert ever? It crushed

me tbh. My dad asked what was wrong and I finally said the words I had been

avoiding all night... "I wanna go home" (which was actually his

girlfriend's house who lived in Boston... I'm from Maine). And he said

"okay". That was all he needed and he left, walking back towards where we

left the car. However, around 7:30ish the traffic in this area is really

weird I cant even explain it. But traffic can only go one way, instead of

both ways like normal.. So he couldn't get a ride back to the car and had

to walk, and then drive the car in traffic all the way to the stadium to

pick me up. So i had to wait a while, and while I did I heard clapping and

then a British voice say "hello Boston" and he started playing give me

love. I listened to him play and i only cried more because I was so

frustrated I couldn't go out there to see him. About half way through the

set, my dad showed up. They let him park in a no parking zone to come and

get me so he was right next to the enterance to the field. They were going

to put me in a wheelchair, but instead my dad came and helped me up. He was

holding me up straight and almost dragged me out of the first aid station,

into the stadium. I remember this part so well. The air hit me, I heard

Ed's voice clearly and saw him on stage, and suddenly, I let go of my dad,

and I was able to stand on my own... And I was fine. It was like a miracle.

I yelled to my dad over the music "is it too late to stay?" And he screamed

back "what??? After all that you wanna stay???" And I said yes, so, we

stayed. He went to go move the car (the girl was so nice who did the

parking, he told her the story, and he just needs to park the car and het

back in the stadium, how much would it cost. And the girl said park

wherever you want no charge. I thought that was seriously the sweetest

thing.) Sooo he did that, and since I was only 12 in a huge stadium, one of

the cops that was patroling the place stayed with me and asked me all kinds

of questions about Ed Sheeran, especially about the A-Team, when he played

it. He said "this isn't his song right?? Is this a cover?? I know this

song." And I told him it wad and told him all about it. It was the ideal

conversation for 12 year old me 😂 Anyway, my dad came back, we got to our

seats, and I actually met Andrea for a very brief moment! And before I knew

it, Taylor was playing. And I had made it through the entire show. I woke

up the next morning, still feeling a little sick but actually felt better

after eating, so I thought the worst was over. But, I was wrong... I didn't

know that one night would become my life... And god I wish I had gone to

the hospital... Maybe I would be okay now if I had... But anyway... A month

later (in August), it happened at my friends end of summer party. Then a

month later (in September), while I was at school... Each time worse than

the time before. Everyone had been informed I was having issues, but nobody

had seen anything happen yet. I seemed like myself. Then one day, I was on

my way to lunch with my friends, and I collapsed in the hallway... Same

thing happening. All my friends freaked out and 2 stayed with me while the

rest went to get the nurse. She actually thought I was dying, and honestly

I could've. She called my mom and said she wasn't sure if she should call

my mom or an ambulance. Then my mom came and got me and immedaitly took me

to my doctor (because she said next time it happens to come in so they

could monitor me). I was monitored and fell asleep, then 4 hours later i

woke up like nothing happened. After that i was pulled out of school and

constantly at the doctor. And I just got sicker and sicker... Which was

later diagnosed as... "Anxiety". By an unqualified doctor. He was a thyroid

doctor and diagnosed me with that?? As time went on, I got incredibly sick

to the point I can't even move. I have become completely disabled and lose

control of my body a lot. It's like my brain is disconnected from my body.

And I get this weird feeling im falling off a cliff and I cant feel my arms

and when that happens, I cant move at all. I cant even express how bad it

can get, how scary and painful it is. I'm a lot sicker than most people

think I am... I spend most days in bed, actually unable to move. I find

ways to keep my spirits up, luckily. Mostly its listening to Taylor and

watching friends but yeah 😂 I have days where I can't even sit up I'm so

dizzy and weak and it hurts so much. Its also terrifying when you don't

have full control over your own body. Absoultely terrifying. Although I

have okay days where I can stand up and function for a little bit, most

days lately have been like this... Bad and living from my bed due to

weakness and dizziness (extreme dizziness honestly). I have days where its

even a struggle to breathe, the most simple thing in the world. It gets

depressing at times... When you spend all ur time in bed or a wheelchair it

really can vet discouraging... But I'm still fighting. And I'm so happy I

am. And like I said, Taylor always lifts me up. Even on my worst, most

disabled and bed ridden days. Oh, that reminds me... I also have seizures

now, sadly. But I hadn't had what happened that night at the RED tour in a

while though... Until one night last year... While I was seeing Ed Sheeran

in Gillette Stadium 😂 Maybe its him?? I dont know 😂 Anyway, I spend most

days in bed, and I do online schooling now. I've seen Taylor twice since

then. For 1989 and for reputation. With 1989 I needed a lot of help but I

got through it. Reputation, it had gotten so bad I needed a wheelchair and

I still do whenever I go out, really. I dont have full control over my body

and I'm too weak and just very sick. I'm really hoping to go to lover fest

but if i do will need a wheelchair and even then I'll probably still feel

sick... But Taylors worth it ❤ Hopefully can get ada seating like with rep.

Wanted to keep this last part short but I think I failed 😂 Mainly wanted

to focus on the red tour. My health story is so incredibly long, I couldn't

say it all (maybe I will later). However, for now, I will tell you this, I

was diagnosed with a thyroid disease, migraines, and seizures. Then it was

discovered that all of this... Was advanced Lyme Disease... And it created

something called Dysautonomia (basically a disfunction of the autonomic

nervous system, which most people don't even realize they have, or how

important it is, until it makes you sick and either nearly kills or

cripples you... Depending on the kind though.) Also known as POTS, or

Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome (there are actually 15 kids of

dysautonomia, that being one of them, I might possibly have more than one

kinda, were not sure yet. But its basically half cardiology half

neurology). And there's no cure... I could be this way, this disabled and

sick for a while... But there are treatments that might work luckily!!!

Since there are no Dysautonomia clinics in Maine, I either have to go to

New York, Baltimore, Cleveland, or Minneapolis. So looks like im taking a

trip! Sadly to a hospital, but still 😊 I honestly don't know how we'll pay

for it, but I need it, or I will spend my life like this. So I'm sure we'll

find a way... Like I always seem to do in life, no matter what 😊❤ Oh, and

funny thing is, I have something called PANS as well... So I have Pots and

Pans 😂😂😂 Anyway, I just wanted to share this with you guys because like

I said you guys are always so great and Taylor is my favorite artist so I

wanted to share it with the people who understand my love for her. I've

been a huge fan of her for 13 years (I'm 18, 19 next month, now). Theres

something about her... She's always helped me but especially now. She makes

me so happy and feel so safe during this time... Im fact, the only time i

smile like i did when I was younger,before all of this, is when I listen to

Taylor. I even have a Long Live tattoo on my wrist because I felt it

represented my love for her the most, and what we've made as a fandom, the

magic we've created. Plus, it reminds me that I'm fighting my battle (this

"dragon") with Taylor and her music on my side, as well as all of you. And

it makes me smile. I can't wait to get more Taylor tattoos... Honestly,

after all of this and the other health issues I faced as a baby and a

child, I can't believe I'm still here, that I'm still living... Especially

because since I've always been so sick with so many different illnesses and

health issues to the point I'm disabled, my immune system is so weak. I

truly cannot believe I'm still here. But... I guess my body just isn't

ready to give up. It hasn't yet at least!!! And it doesn't want to. It

won't. I'm strong. Me, and my body, want to fight until the very end. And

I'm grateful for that. So grateful that I am still alive, and still

fighting every day of my life. It might be hard, and I can't function or do

really anything but lay in bed and watch tv most days, but I'm just so

thankful that I'm still alive, that it's okay I have to be at the doctors

so much and have to take all these meds (I do anything at this point that

can help me even the slighest). And no matter what life throws at my

health, my body always fights it and gets right back up. I fall down 10

times, I stand up 11. And I could not have the courage and strength to do

this if it wasn't for my idol, Taylor Swift. I've been a fan of Taylor for

13 years (I'm 18 now, 19 next month) so her and her music have helped me

through every problem I have ever faced, and this is no different. She has

a song for everything, so I can always find something to listen to that

makes me feel like she understands and she's telling me it'll be okay...

And ever since LOVER came out, I've been listening to soon you'll get

better on days its really bad, and my girlfriend sends me that song on bad

days too... It makes me feel safe. And like I can fight this. Thank you,

Taylor. I will never be able to repay you. I may struggle with this every

single day im here on earth, but with your music and the support I feel

from the swiftie fam, I know I'll get through it. Anyway... I guess I

should end this here. Again, sorry this is so long but if you read this

thank you so much for taking the time to!! If you made it to this point,

I'm proud 😂❤ And it means the world to me, you have no idea. Im hoping

this will get to Taylor and maybe even Ed one day. I love you all so much

and once again, thank you for reading!! ❤❤❤

@taylorswift @taylornation 🌈❤ @taylornotices 💜

(Pic is from when I was in First Aid at Ed Sheeran. It was so bad there

they had to give me an IV. I was in the first aid station, wrapped up in my

nightmare before Christmas blanket, on a stretcher with an IV in my hand

pretty much the entire night. It was so painful. When I arrived to first

aid I was actually unresponsive. Like I knew what was happening but I

couldn't talk or open my eyes. All I could do was make very small

movements. It felt like my body was shutting down. I was having bad heart issues as well and they wanted to give me a medicine fot my nausea but since I had lyme disease it could make my heart issues worse so they had to give me an EKG... Right there at the concert 😂 Interesting... But, I got through it.

Like always 😊 So yeah thats where the

picture is from ❤)

[low-budget-korra]

The Legend Of Korra_Book One : “That’s Dark”

So reviewing TLOK made me not only caught up in the nostalgia of this wonderful and special animated show but also reflected on the journey not only from Korra but also from all Team Avatar.

 (Remembering that all this is just my opinion and some of the various interpretations that I have about the show)

 Book 1 is in my opinion the second best of TLOK and the darkest of all.

And reviewing I think I've noticed why.

Book One is the most "real" of all. All the problems there can be seen in the most different societies.

We have an ideological political clash in an environment where segregation between benders and non-benders is still a reality.

I think the whole atmosphere of Republic City is more dark , so at the very beginning we are introduced to those problems that I honestly think we can all understand. Fear of violence, lack of confidence in figures who hold power, a "savior" who appeals to the fear of this population and take's power, conspiracies for power, politics shit , social inequality , etc

Problems that are real at a international  level. I here in Brazil can feel and understand this in the same way as a person who whatch’s the show in Canada. I think 

Not to mention the urban colors and shades of grey and brown more saturated and not so bright (especially at night) , showing that the city is kind of a trap, something “Too good to be true." Its beautiful and scary at the same time.

So we have Korra, who in book one has 17 years (the same age as I when i started to watch the series) and as it is visible in her’s first moments, is that she has the “spirit of a kid”.

I think the expression "kid's mind in a Woman's Body" can define the Korra in Book One. She is naive, immature, spoiled, a bit arrogant, very self-confident, playfull...

I think it was one of the things that enchanted me in her and undoubtedly was what made me connect with her, because I was also, especially,  naive as she.

Korra comes with the glare for just being at Republic City, that childish naivete of thinking that everything will work fine, without consequences.

And it is precisely when she, for the first time, is confronted with the possible consequences of the  fight that she has just entered, she breaks. But before we talk more about Korra, let's talk about her nemesis here, Amon.

 Amon is a white and heterosexual man representing the patriarchy .... lmao im joking, or not...

Anyway, Amon ... The way he uses to subjugate and dominate his enemies, the violation he makes to achieve this ... I find it almost impossible not to parallel this with cases of sexual violence. Amom takes some of these people for himself, he forces something into them, they get devastated and depressed after losing the benders to him and also they look kinda of feeling humiliated by that.

So we have the terrible and beautiful  episode :"The Voice in the Night". Here we see  this 17 year old girl, absolutely terrified by the idea of ​​confronting this man who must be in his late 30′s.

I think that when Korra saw what Amon was capable of , it was the first time in her life when she felt truly afraid. And for us girls, being afraid of a man, especially when walking alone in the night , sadly still is a reality.

Anyway, going back to the show ...

After being coerced to fight on the front line against the Equalists for Tarrlok ( I will speak of him soon), Korra gains confidence and in her naiveness, invites Amon to a duel.

Amon not only arrives late as he is disloyal and does not come alone. An adult man ambushes a 17-year-old girl in a dark place with the help of his crew ... Man, this is dark ! And all the lighting and animation of the final scenes of the episode are excellent because it resembles more a horror story than a kid’s show.

The way they hold her on her knees, making her so small in comparation to him, who looks even more frightening. But not only this, because “be on knees” historically and culturally associated with submission and she was forced to be in that position. The way Amon holds her face makes it clear that the avatar was totally impotent since her rival had already crossed the “touch barrier” by touching her face.  The Touch for many people is something intimate and touch someone face is not only something more intimate but also associated with caring and love. And this motherfucker just crossed this line 

Amon accepted the challenge with the goal of destroying the Avatar independent of who she was. And thats terrible and scary, but also, so real for so many people.

After he leaves, Tenzin arrives and  ask if everything is okay and all. Korra then says that she still has her bendings and finally opens with him over her fears as she cries in his arms.

Then after, we have an episode more focused on love triangle and comedy. Cause its a kids show right?

 How will Korra deal with Amon now that she has already lost the first battle?

Honestly I dont think she overcame her fears there, I think she just buried them for the greater good that was defeating him. Something like “im scared as fuck but im gonna do it anyway”. And you need to be brave to do that

And after losing her bendings to the enemy in the final episode, when her worst nightmare comes true , she has nothing left to lose. And in desperation to save her friend and crush from going through what she had just been through, Korra discovers she can airbend. And this new wave of confidence makes her defeat Amon at his own game, exposing him as the fraud he is. But is that enough? I see later that she still suffering for losing all the other bendings, she’s still broken until Avatar Aang pass by to say “hey” and give her all the bendings back

(This scene had me on tears)

Tarrlok is a character that I just did not like. And guys since he saw Korra, he directed all the attention to her.

Of course he wanted to use her to climb the ladder and take Republic City's political power for himself. But seriously ... I know that maybe you find yourself thinking "Damn, you will put sexual subtext and sexual interpretation where they do not have". But listen to me.

Tarrlok is an older man who does not accept Korra’s "no" for his partnership proposals.

Then we have the episode where her confrots him by the arrest of her friends. Of course Tarrlok used the bloodbend on her cause she was ready to burn his ass down.

And it is logical that he would disappear with her so she does not unmask him to everybody. Now, though it seemed like something got at the moment, Tarrlok had it all ready. The place where Korra would be taken  and where he kept her arrested .

Of course, the most obvious answer is that the place might have been prepared to receive Amon, though he did not know that he was a bender so he did not need that metal box because a normal cell would work, but with all that happened , Tarrlok had this change of plans. I think he may think that she could bring problems to his plans and the let this as plan B

But then an now unmasked and hunted by Republic City police force and just before Amon invades the place, he tells Korra that he will run away and that he will take her as his hostage.

But why? If he had hated her for ending his plans, he could just leave her there to die of hunger / thirst. Not to mention that, Korra would definitely fight and delay him in his escape, so why take her ?

Another thing, Amon wouldnt hurt Korra, he doesnt even saw her as a person, he only saw the symbol, the Avatar and that must be destroyed but all costs. Tarrlok in other hand wants to use the symbol but also know the person behind, he knows the 17old Korra and would hurt her if he has to.

The politics, the intimidation, the haressament, the fear, the power dinamics between those 3 characters...

 **

Mako and Bolin do not have much development in book One . Mako is the love interest and Bolin is the comic relief.

 **

Asami has a very remarkable moment. She has to choose between her father and what is right.

And the Fire Ferrets certainly helped her in that choice. Especially Mako, Asami's mother was killed by benders, probably fire benders cause they kinda murder people parents sometimes, and Mako is a firebender. So relating to him might have knocked over all the rest of prejudice and anger she may have for benders until that.

This arc between Asami and her father is also about the loss of innocence. In that case, lose the innocence of thinking that our parents cant be bad people.

And even more, from then on, Asami is shaped much more like someone who makes right choices in difficult times, even if those choices are heart-breaking.

 **

Tenzin leaves his comfort zone. He will train Korra, who is someone who almost totally contradicts who he is. And right away, we see that he is an excellent teacher. All your patience, your diplomacy is inspiring and will certainly help to make Korra the most conscientious and mature woman at the end of book four.

He also has tough choices, and shows himself steadfast in them, doing everything to protect his family and friends.

 **

Lin, there's a moment I think is incredible. When she sacrifices herself to save Tenzin's family. Lin does not flee the fight. Just like her mother, she is determined in her goals. And we have more depth development  in Book 3.

**

In another post i will talk about the book Two cause this is already too big.

So i believe one of the main sub themes or simple stuff that i can see on book One is the Loss Of Innocence 

[imanonymous110]

April 24th, 2022 (Gay Panic)

I haven't updated in a while but woo this is a doozy. Lots of gay stuff in this btw.

ANYWAYS, so I had another basketball tournament this weekend, and it was the first of our three travel tournaments. We went to this huge sports complex in Lancaster, PA called Spooky Nook. (Land of the Amish). And I didn't get to stay in the same hotel as my team because we were staying in the same hotel as my sister's team and it was only like five minutes away from the complex. This didn't really affect too much though.

So before this tournament, I had befriended two of the girls on my team, I still liked the others just didn't know them too well. One we will call cowgirl and the other we will call sunny. I knew sunny for three years already, so this makes sense why she was my friend, and cowgirl and I clicked just pretty quickly. WELL, this past Friday our games were at 5 and 8 and we had some time to kill in between. So the team did their own thing for a bit and I was the only one who left the building. (Only for like 30 minutes though, so I didn't miss much.)

I just realized I missed the first part so rewind. Before our first game at five I was the first one at the complex but not at the court we were going to be playing at. (There were 34 courts and I was watching a game on a different court). And when I arrive at our court Sunny and a girl we will call bee were there. Both of them are nice so I just start talking to them a little bit and then we realize that Cowgirl is lost somewhere in the building. I had been there 3 times before so I text her to send me a pic of where she is and I'll go find her. So I get up to go find her and bee jumps up and says she will go with me. Usually, I have to ask around for people to do this kinda thing with me, so her volunteering, especially after not knowing me that well, seemed really nice.

We find cowgirl and finish getting our shoes on. Then this other girl we will call raven calls bee and says how she is now lost. Bee then drags me along with her to go find raven, so again this makes me happy. We talk a bit more before the game about random stuff, and I, cowgirl, and bee are really starting to get along very well, in fact, we are giggling throughout the game. This is honestly sorta weird in hindsight, but it's okay. We won.

Then back into the between the games thing. I get back of the sports complex and text "Hey where is everyone". The only one who answers is bee saying she is in the arcade, so of course, that's where I go.

When I get there I notice that cow girl is there aswell. So for a while we end up just hanging out, we take photos in a photo booth and just have fun.

Me and her start snapping after our second game and it ends up with her searching up naked carebears. Dont ask.

This is getting really long so I'll shorten it up. At the end of the second bee is all frustrated with herself and me and cowgirl feel bad so we comeup with this idea to get her a crown and say "Pick your chin up queen, your crown is falling." This inevitably made her laugh. Then just the trio (me, sunny, and bee) end up going swimming and the rest of the team is sitting outside the pool. To sum it up, me, bee, and cowgirl laughed our heads off. I genuinely believe this the first time I've truly laughed in a while. (By truly laughing I mean laughing so hard that my ribs hurt and I start to hyperventilate).

So after this I do some thinking, and being the raging bisexual that I am, I now have a huge crush on Bee.

Every time I check my phone I hope it's her. She gives me the butterflies just thinking about her. I can't get her out of my head, and we have another tournament next weekend that is a travel tournament.

Problem is, I DONT KNOW IF SHE IS GAY AND I CANT JUST ASK HELP HELP HELP

Also, am I falling for her because she is just nice, or does she actually like me. The world will probably never know. Thats all for today, and wow this is like a whole novel.

Signed,

Your Favorite (Lovestruck) Annonymous Blogger

(P.S. Did I mention that I'm going to see her at practice tomorrow?)

[mariajanec]

Jane: Autobiography

I, Ma. Jane A. Constantino, was born on July 28. 2002 in España Manila. My parents are Elfleda Constantino and Jymar Constantino and have a sprout named Brian, I am the oldest. We were a complete family tree until the father leaf fall on October 10. 2003, i was just a 1 year old leaf still growing without knowing my fathers’ fall. After my fathers' funeral, my Mother decided to brought me in Sto. Domingo Albay, my mothers' hometown, and she gave me to my grandparents since no one will take care of me in manila and my mother is so focus on her work as a public school teacher. I was a 3 years old leaf with a happy-go-lucky but an awkward person. When our neighbors or even strangers encountered me, i greet them like a happy bird tweeting in the morning sky, but if they approached me and start to talk to me, my cheeks will burn, stuttered a lot and start to ran away.

I started nursery in a private school in Albay. I was so excited to go on a school because of the possibility that i will have many friends or even playmates. I was so happy on that time but my happy dream crashed when they make fun of me like a clown entertaining them. i was so confused on that time, why are my classmates makes fun of me? is it because i look ugly? When their laugh started to be loud even more, i started to cry with the feeling of confusion and sadness and start to run away and hide in a schools’ stock room. My first day of my first school turns out to be my nightmare. It continues on the second day and more. my eyes are swelling and warm. i cant even breathe properly because of my stuffed nose, and my throat is itching so i cough a lot. It really hurts like they hitting me using a whip. when i realized why they’re making fun of me, it is because of my speech problem when i stuttered a lot. they compared me in a sheep. In that specific day were my grandfather fetch me, he saw me, knelt and crying while holding my brought and wrecked barbie doll. He approached me and asked me what happen and your doll. Then i told him that one of my classmate ruined my barbie doll because it is ‘cheap and ugly’. I really cried a lot because that doll is my one and only doll and i brought it to make a friend even though they’re making fun of me. after i told him what happend, my grandmother cooked my favorite food, a warm and vinegary taste and smell with the variety of vegetables with pork meat all in one pot called sinigang na baboy. It was my comfort food when i was a little because of the sourly taste that tickles in my tongue. and the juiciness of pork meat that i really enjoy to chew like a bubble gum. I didn’t go to school in the other day but my grandparents are, they go talk to my teacher my experiences that i tell to them inside the school. I just do nothing aside from playing with my teddy bears when my mother suddenly came out of the blue. When my Grandparents came back, they talk to my mother about me bringing back to manila to continue my studies in the city. My grandparents agreed and also told my mother about my bad experiences in school. Saturday, me and my mother came back to manila, i was a 6 years old leaf and still growing.

I skipped kindergarten on 2007 and started grade 1 on La Paz Elementary School on 2008. A School where my mother is working as a grade 2 teacher. This School Is very far from our home, it takes 1 and a half hours to commute since our home is located in Sampaloc Manila. During my elementary days, I became quite talkative but still an awkward person. Because of my past experiences in nursery, I am picky on choosing a person who i feel like trusted like I’m picking a fresh fishes in the market. My personality slowly turning into a simple and a contented person. It feels like I’m opening my closet very slowly to be sure I am adjusting my self properly to the environment, but i suddenly shuts down my closet when I’m in sixth grade, compared to my previous problem when i was in nursery, this is the worse experience i had encountered. I really humiliated myself in front of my classmates because of my foolish mistake, I cheated during my final exam. I brought the test paper with correct answer during exam without doubting it and copied all of the answers. After my adviser and also my ninang find out that i brought the test paper, she told my mom about it and my mom was shocked and angry at me at the same time. Without hesitation, she pulled me forcefully in front of my class and start scolding my while spanking me. She is like an erupting volcano ready to explode and i didn’t do anything. I cried and cried until my face was flushed red and started to feel regret at what i did. I really regret anything because it is no just me who is humiliated, also my mother is humiliated because she is a teacher and she finds out that her daughter is cheating on final exam. After that problem, i apologized to them especially to my mom and back being under the closet until my graduation. I was an 11 years old leaf and still growing.

I studied in Carlos L. Albert High School in Quezon City Because it is just a walking distance from our house. This School level really REALLY changed me not just as a person but also a human being. I was grade 7 when i met my very best, trusted, and true friends. They are Angel and Daniellah. i thought they will avoid me when they learn what are my past experiences when i was in elementary. instead, they helped me to move on and to be a happy person. In 8th grade, we separated because we are from different section, but at least we are still best friends. In Grade 9, another amazing people came to my life. They are Carl, Sherrymae, Pamela, and ate Jewel. Also we have ‘barkada’ named ‘K-Patatas’ because all of us likes k pop and also broke and ugly so we came up to that conclusion to name our group in that name. They made me comfortable so i came out of my closet. I became a simple yet a happy and contented person like I am free to do what i like. They make me feel how I am important not just to them but to the other people because they said to me that I am their happy pill and i cried in joy because of that. even though i made a mistake, they corrected me to my mistakes that I've committed. They pulled me from my dark past and they made me a new world where I am happy and contented in my life, thanks to them. I was in grade 10 and we separated again but we’re not devastated because we have the same specialization which is Nihongo lessons so we are still together in that subject. I also joined C.A.T where we were training like a soldier but in school i joined because i want to experience it and also want to enjoy my last remaining year as a Junior High School student. I also have a friend in our troupe named Ramel. In this troupe, it also had a blooming love that will never ever avoid where my co lieutenant from another group has a big fat crush on me. He even created a song for me and gifted me a chocolates during valentines day. He send a long  messages for me during Christmas break relating on how he first met me and how he fell for me. I, also feel like i have butterflies dancing in my tummy because i feel like I am the very special girl in his life. But the thing is, I do not like him. I feel like It is my fault on why he is in love with me.In that night after the moving up ceremony, i hesitate to tell him in chat that don’t have feelings for him, but i did and he reply ‘it’s ok’ and feel my heart is crushing into pieces because i don’t want him to feel sad so i reply to him that I’m sorry for not loving you back. My body slowly turns into a barbel and suddenly cried because he deserves to be loved and I’m blaming myself. But now, we are acquaintance. I was 15 years old leaf and still growing.

Senior High School Came and I’m still adjusting to the new environment. New school, New friends, New mentality. I was in grade 11 and I don’t have any friends because i wanted to be alone. But i still talking to them since we are classmates, we are helping each other. but when the stress came to my body, I feel like i am aching not just physically but mentally because of the activities in school. Sometimes when I’m alone in my bedroom after school, the glimpse of tears shed without a reason, but the feeling is like i want to cry and cry until my eyes are dry. As the warm water running through my cheeks and the redness of my stuffy nose, i realized that i need someone. In my life as a grade 11 student, I think that no one is interested in me because of my quiet and boring personality. And I really overthink that if i talk too much, they will get annoyed. but then, too many realizations that came to my mind but only one main realization really punched me to reality. I need to love myself to be more contented and to be more happy. Because of that, I study hard and make a goal and also have a me time where i meditate myself. and now, I am grade 12 student, with honors, a part of a school paper called ‘the estrellian lights’ under feature writing. I am still loving and enjoying myself  and ready to be more open to the others. I am 17 years old leaf and still growing.

[afiendwithadream13]

Last words that left my lips to your ears....

"Hey... ya know, you're the best Dad I could've ever had"

You cried, and I wrote it off as you being emotional as always...

You called it passionate. I thought that was a cop out. Till you were gone and I couldnt feel you emotion... but I could still feel your passion.

Shoulda and coulda's are infinite. I'm supposed to be a man now?

Fill your big ass clown shoes??

Dude... how? Wtf man. Mom is broken in a way that I see preperation for death in her eyes.

Something I cant touch. I haven't gotten out in ages, Dad. Cannot stand walking into this house and you're not here.

I begged for silence for so long, between our screaming and poisonous venom spewing from our mouths, I just wanted peace.

Moms talking about her life insurance lately. She told me she needs me to take the money and move myself and buy property in Alaska. I dont think she realized I caught her saying something about me finishing Probation when she dies.....

That's only a couple years dad.... does she know something I dont?

I met a Woman. Well I didnt meet her but I think I have met her before.

Remember us talking about all the impossible things I want in a woman.... the things I gave up on ever having? Not like you and mom anyways...

Shes been taking care of my soul.

Not solely focused on my dick.

And I dont even need to explain what that means to me cause you and I have already talked about it a lot.

I definitely got your charm and good looks. But I've been attracting demons. And I'm dying. So I cant explain how refreshing she is.

That last one I had... i can only say I'm so sorry Dad. So sorry.

I'm so sorry she was anywhere near you when the doctors were screaming Code blue.

But I know you dont care about that. I do.

Anyways .... I sure did get all your endurance and perseverance if anything else.

My eyes have been blue since you left.

I only need one thing from you Dad.

They're telling me my memory is really damaged and that due to this illness, it will potentially get worse. It's not just one or 2 things. It's so much and it's all black.

Its teaching me to live in the moment because my daily memory has become so fragile. My acting skills are superb because I'm kinda out here alone and I'm not going to subject myself to the danger of not remember SHIIIIIT.

It's been less than a year since you moved on... and I know my brain will attack the features of your face soon.

I sit for hours and watch your slideshow of selfies and study.

I need you to maintain my memory of you please. How crushing this life is, especially in this head.

I still remember laying on your chest and not feeling the rhythm.

I still remember screaming but nothing came out of my mouth.

Did you fucking see me down there 😂

Standing like a Military Man beside your body as people took their turns crying over you...

People still cant figure out wtf I was doing.

I was a statue dad.

Cause statues dont feel shit. They are cold and solid. Long stare casting glares upon the world it looks upon.

I'm not a statue anymore.

I know you asked me to stay sober.... and I'm doing everything possible to get high as fuck on life experiences.

Sorry bout the recent arrests and shit. You know I hate those fucking pigs. Ya boy put up a fight But I suppose that mentality is what got me here aye?

"I met the devil in the hills last night. I was Driving by myself alone. He said boy what you running from? I said... I DONT KNOW"

Come to find out.... I was just looking into the waters reflection.

I was pretty set I would die this year.

Thanks for sending Her. Needed some reassurance. Better yet, I needed somewhere to invest all this Love you taught me... cause the worlds been trying to strip it from me again.

Aye But

ONLY LOVE KILLS THE DEMON.

I love you Dad.