#Elderly Cat Spraying

[bajisbbg]

🐈‍⬛

tw: this is my first time actually posting anything i’ve written. i made these pretty late at night so i’m sorry if they’re bad i just wanted to write something. probably some spelling mistakes and stuff i didn’t feel like checking it throughly.

a/n: please be nice

personal

* i’ve mentioned this before but baji absolutely LOVES the yakuza game

* favorite one is yakuza 0 (definitely not because this is the only one i’ve watched so far🌚)

* john cena fanboy for absolutely no reason. has his theme as his ringtone

* number 1 baby metal fan. owns their merch and goes to every concert

* his favorite season is summer for obvious reasons but his favorite holiday is definitely christmas because he and mikey ride around with shin

* HATES horror movies. like nothing can convince this man to watch them. even the kiddie ones like goosebumps or scary stories to tell in the dark will have him act like the devil just touched his soul

* definitely the kind of guy to walk around with one lens in his glasses after a fight

* purposely named his bike cockroach knowing pah is afraid of them

* he used to hate his fangs when he was little because kids used to tease him and say he was a dog

* that was until he started saying he’d bite and give them rabies if they kept messing with him

* cannot grow facial hair to save his life

* judges people on how they interact with animals, specifically cats

* despite popular belief, i don’t think he would get any tattoos. he seems like a piercing guy and definitely cannot sit that long for a tattoo

* gave himself the alias edward because he used to watch twilight with his mom

* he even had a phase when he acted like a vampire but will vehemently deny and threaten anyone who dares to bring it up

* is lactose intolerant and just like many of us will eat dairy and instantly regret it as soon as it hits his stomach

* sometimes he feels insecure about the fact he was held back, all of his friends moving up while he’s left behind

* even though he has a reputation for committing arson and slightly unprovoked violence, keisuke is truly a model citizen☝🏽

* volunteers at shelters, helps the elderly, feeds the homeless, solves climate change. he truly is a saint and can do no wrong!

home life

* i like the idea that his mom was a teen mom and that his father was never really around and just stopped coming one day

* due to her job, his mom sometimes works really late or super early so over the years he’s learned to cook (the only good thing he can cook is yakisoba)

* on the nights he knows his mom will be back late he cooks her food and despite it not being the best she still loves it

* even though she works a lot the two of them are still very close and their favorite thing to do is read manga and watch mystery dramas whenever she’s off

* despite not knowing his dad(he only visited when he was a baby) he never felt insecure about it

* he’s a total mamas boy, and will fight anyone who says something about her

* when ryoko was younger, she wanted to have a lot of kids but after having keisuke she changed her mind. she felt it would be selfish to have so many kids when she works so much and after realizing how much of a handful he can be.

* despite that and having him at such a young age, keisuke was the best thing to ever happen to her and wouldn’t trade him or his wildness for the world.

relationship

* back on the yakuza point, whenever you’re sad he’ll grab a hair brush, turn up the radio and start singing 24-hour cinderella to you until his voice is gone

* when you guys get in a fight he’ll act like he’s in a 2000’s r&b mv and start singing bakamitai. chifuyu gets the hose to spray water above him, kazutora plays the music, and ryusei records the whole thing so baji can send it to you

* a biter, like what’s the point of him having those sharp ass teeth if he don’t try to take a chunk out of you

* whatever your favorite animal is, he’s gonna buy every single book about them so he can share little facts about it with you

* if you’re into a specific artist or group, he’ll listen to their whole discography and learn everything in the fandom

* becomes a horanghae enthusiast and will force you to be one as well

* just like he’s loyal to his friends and toman, he’s loyal to you

* like foreva togetha foreva LOCKED IN 🤞🏽

* a girl tries flirting with him and all of a sudden he’s hellen keller

* the type of boyfriend to say you’re too spoiled whoever you ask for something while doing said thing you requested

* will literally lift his ass off the seat while you’re sitting next to him and fart on you then blame it on you

* talm bout some ‘ew the hell did you eat’ like his diet doesn’t consist of yakisoba, monster energy drinks, and beef glizzies

* speaking of farts😸 keisuke will send pics of his shit to you asking if it looks normal

* will make fun of you if you’re lactose intolerant as if he don’t be upside down on the toilet fighting for his life

* is constantly in your personal space. like he’ll be standing behind you while you play like candy crush or best fiends mumbling about moves you can make. sometimes he’ll snatch your phone and play it himself

* what’s yours is his. mid chew on something he wants? he’s opening your mouth and popping it in his, no matter if it’s soggy

* absolutely loves giving and receiving hugs, being in your arms makes him feel safe and gives reassurance that despite all of his flaws you still love him

* stares at you with his mouth open, no matter what you’re doing or how you look his eyes are on you 24/7

* takes the absolute worst pictures of you on facetime and puts each one in his favorites until the end of time

* throws rocks at your window at like 4 in the morning knowing you both have school just so you can ride around with him until the sun comes up

* i feel like he’d totally like mellow down on the things he does. he doesn’t want to worry you while he’s away

* constantly checks up with you so you know he’s okay and not lying on the ground somewhere and dying 🌚

this is so scary bye 😭

[kishavo]

plagued by memories tonight so I’m going to spit them up and hopefully that brings me relief.

I was an EMT for about 5 years and I think these things are tattooed on my bones. trigger warning under the cut for…upsetting healthcare-related experiences? and the f-slur

I remember bringing a wheelchair-bound elderly man up to his shoebox apartment in the inner city, 12 floors up a derelict building in a tiny, shaky elevator, and being hit with the stink of smoke as soon as I opened the door - cigarette butts stubbed out on every surface, ashtrays overflowing, carpet that started out as brown matted down to black. I offered to help him into bed but he refused. he took off his vietnam veteran baseball cap and picked up a stale pack of cigarettes and told me to go

I remember the man who had been attacked by his neighbors’ dogs, two Rottweilers. his legs were mangled; huge scoops of flesh just gone. he was kind. he asked me how my day was going.

I remember the dead woman in the ER who I was told to bag up and bring down to the morgue. she looked familiar. I remember putting a tag on her thumb but I don’t remember her name. I remember making small talk with the ER tech who was helping me on the elevator ride down to the basement. that sounds like the start of a joke, doesn’t it? a girl, a man, and a dead body get in an elevator. if you think of a punchline let me know

I remember the frequent-flyer patient with a chronic mystery skin infection that caused his legs to leak so much fluid that we had to wrap them in plastic bags or else the gurney would get flooded and it would soak into his pants and spill over the edge onto the floor of the ambulance. the first time I got his call I thought we’d been sent to a haunted house. it was an old victorian in downtown, made of rotting wood and peeling paint. The knob in the front door had been ripped out so I bent down and looked through. There was no answer when I knocked so I yelled ‘hello’ through the hole until eventually someone came down the stairs and silently let us in. Our patient’s apartment was one room, it was dark, it smelled, the bed was as dirty as the floor, beer cans and cigarettes everywhere. There was a tiny, square, box TV playing static. There were spoiled diapers kicked under his desk. He lived alone and apparently had no family. I and every EMT who had ever been sent there reported the situation to social services but nothing was ever done.

there was the woman coming down from a meth binge who kept asking me if I was going to eat her brains. we dropped her off at a psych facility and a few days later I was back with another patient. I saw her again, sober now. when she saw me she averted her eyes and retreated into her room

there was another woman in the middle of a severe psychotic episode who, within 5 minutes of meeting me, looked me dead in the eye and said, “You’re a fat fucking faggot and I want you to die.” She had pissed on all her personal belongings and the back of the ambulance stank so bad of stale human urine that I had to kick the fan on and spray air freshener into my face mask. She spent most of the call insulting and trying to spit on me and my partner. My partner snapped at her but I just ate it. Later, when we were outside cleaning the gurney and waiting for the next call, a stray cat slipped out from behind a nearby dumpster and curled around my boots. he booped my knuckles and mewled when I pet him and the night was good again

I remember being in and out of psych facilities so often and feeling like a fucking imposter because I was burning out, depressed out of my mind and regularly experiencing suicidal ideation. I wondered when I would call 911 and end up there myself. I wondered if it would be my coworkers who would pick me up. the thought of it scared me enough that I never made the call, even when I should have. I started getting high instead

I remember the middle-aged woman having a panic attack. that was at my on-location job, at my city’s arena, where all the concerts and games were held. it was a slow night and too many of us responded. this woman was hyperventilating, the bass from the concert was everywhere, and a crowd of strangers was closing in on her. I got there first, so by default it became my call, which always made me nervous. I sat her down, I kneeled in front of her, she grabbed my hands reflexively and I let her grip on. I coached her breathing. I waved my coworkers back to give her space. I convinced her that everyone there just wanted to help her and that there was nothing to be embarrassed about. it worked. I was soothing, and sure, and strong. it worked.

when it was over she held my shoulder and thanked me. patients don’t usually thank us. when it was over I went to the bathroom and cried. I handled it so well because I had been talking my mom down from her panic attacks for years.

I talked about that call in group therapy the week after. I thought I was going to be proud, that it would be a positive share, but I cried again.

when people ask about what it's like being an EMT, I don’t think they want to hear any of this, they only want the cool stories. they want to hear about the lights and the sirens and to thank you for your service but please, please, don’t. There’s a quote by Anaïs Nin: “I was always ashamed to take. So I gave. It was not a virtue. It was a disguise.”

[naamahdarling]

It is very hot in the UK right now! And other places! But especially my UK babes, this is for you.

Please take care in the heat!

Here are some tips that I haven't seen, especially for pets, elders, ED patients, and those on meds. No particular order.

FIRST, PLEASE LEARN THE SIGNS OF HEATSTROKE/HEAT EXHAUSTION. Info for humans. Info for cats. Info for dogs. Focus on memorizing early signs and act THEN, not when it's settled in. As it progresses, the symptoms change, some reverse, please please read up on them.

PANTING IS NOT NORMAL FOR CATS, IF YOUR CAT IS PANTING FROM HEAT IT IS IN IMMEDIATE AND SERIOUS DANGER! CONTACT A VET FOR ADVICE! DON'T FUCK AROUND. They are NOT dogs, they do NOT purge heat through panting! They may pant for a short time after heavy play or exercise but otherwise it is a BAD SIGN. (Don't assume cats are medically similar to dogs in general, please. They are super different.)

BLACK AND DARK COLORED PETS OVERHEAT IN THE SUN. Debate rages on whether the conventional advice against shaving is valid but one thing is true: your dark-furred pets are much more vulnerable to heat. Keep them OUT of the sun as best you can.

SHORT-FACED PET BREEDS ARE VULNERABLE. The impaired breathing is brutal, especially in dogs, is brutal. Watch them!

PREVIOUS HEAT STROKE MAY MAKE YOU MORE VULNERABLE TO IT IN FUTURE. If you have had it, even if it wasn't bad enough to send you to a medic, you may be at elevated risk.

PLEASE CHECK IN ON ELDERLY FAMILY, FRIENDS, AND NEIGHBORS. Elderly people don't thermoregulate well and often have a poor sense of how warm/cold they are as well. See how they are doing daily. Visit inside their homes if you can to check if it's very hot.

CHILDREN ARE VULNERABLE TOO. The little ones don't sweat! The energetic and generally oblivious behavior of older children is a hazard as well; vigorous play even indoors may overheat them.

EATING DISORDERS MAKE YOU VULNERABLE. IF YOU HAVE A RESTRICTIVE EATING DISORDER AT ANY WEIGHT, YOU ARE MORE VULNERABLE TO HEAT. IF YOU USE EXERCISE TO PURGE, IT WILL OVERHEAT YOU. Nobody mentions this! But you lose your ability to sweat and eventually your ability to thermoregulate from either extreme. Thin or heavy, it is the starvation and bodily deterioration that causes this, not a lack/abundance of adipose tissue. When I was active, this was a real concern that nobody told me about. PLEASE let your fellow ED patients know this. You deserve to be informed and taken into account in discussions of this type.

DON'T FUCKING MAKE FUN OF FAT/THIN/ELDERLY FOLKS WEARING EXPOSING CLOTHES. THE END. Like don't do it ever, but especially now.

PREVIOUS HEAT STROKE MAKES YOU MORE VULNERABLE TO IT IN FUTURE. If you have had it, even if it wasn't bad enough to send you to a medic, you will feel it sooner, especially if it was recent-ish.

MANY ORAL MEDICATIONS, INCLUDING MANY PSYCH MEDS, INCREASE RISK OF HEAT EXHAUSTION. Share this fact with friends, family, neighbors too. Ask your doctor or pharmacist, or a quick Google of (medication) + heat intolerance/heat stroke/photosensitivity will help.

MANY ORAL MEDICATIONS AND TOPICAL MEDS AND ANTI-AGING CREAMS, ESPECIALLY MEDS FOR ACNE/SKIN REPAIR, CAN MAKE YOU BURN BADLY. Again, please look these up or talk to a doctor or pharmacist.

LOOK INTO DIY FAN AND STYRO COOLER AC UNITS. Cheap, easy. Please look into these, make them for vulnerable people too. Haven't vetted all these but it's a start.

8 DIY AC UNITS.

11 DIY AC UNITS.

HIGH SPF SUNSCREEN (50+) DOES NOT LAST LONGER OR BLOCK SIGNIFICANTLY MORE UV! SPF 30 actually blocks 97% of UV! SPF 50 only bumps that to 98%! People also may think it lasts longer. It doesn't! You must reapply just as often. (Spray sunscreen is great if you have painful acne on your face btw.)

Please spread this info and other helpful posts you see.

[tallyanimatez]

Writer's block is hitting so hard but feathers au brain rot o(-(

---------------------------------

"I need this and that"

"What about giving me a discount? I'll buy ropes too."

"Do you have anymore of these herbs?"

"I would like 5 cans of tuna please."

After a long day bargain, you finally got what you needed. Some mechanical parts and ropes to construct new items, herbs to brew potions and...tuna for Grim. You don't know why he loves tuna like an average street cat would, but it surely is the only way of making him stay focused on the goal he's designed to: Win the race. But no one ever took him seriously because of his size, making it ever so satisfying to see them be flabbergasted when the "great" Grim snatches the cup.

Even though you are lost in the thought of imagining the faces of those racers, it didn't take long for you to realize some of your goods were missing

Odd. You thought

As you scan your surroundings to spot a suspicious hyena beastman holding on something. Crowley can call you crazy but you were sure that the hyena beastman was holding their medical herbs along with the bandages you bought for yourself incase of emergencies and tuna that was meant for Grim. Wasting no idle thoughts, you silently tracked him down to ask for your stuff back nicely.

You are aware that beastmen aren't treated any better than people who were born without wings.

But they still have more freedom than normal humans do...

So...They can't be treated with the same empathy.

What felt like 3 hours of tracking down that beastman, you arrived at a slum. You didn't want to enter it as you were afraid of any avian guards, but there was none around here so it was safe...well almost...

You took off your artificial wings and hide them along with your belongings in a ditch near there, you sprayed it with a potion that removes scent to make sure no dam curious avian or beastmen would steal it again. Proceeding to spray yourself with the same potion and drape your cloak over your head, you entered the slum. You knew it would be too weird for an avian to visit a slum, let alone just 1 avian, so a beastman disguise was needed.

Following his tracks, you saw the beastman that robbed you giving those goods to...an elderly? You were flabbergasted with what you just witnessed...only to shake off the surprise with determination to ask for your items back.

"'Scuse me, can I have my goods back?"

The moment you made yourself known, the hyena froze in place while the elder one looked confused. The elder hyena looked at the younger one with suspicious eyes before handing the goods without hesitation to you, leaving you staring for a little bit before hesitantly taking it.

"Ruggie...What did your grandma tell you about stealing?"

The younger hyena, whose name you just learned was Ruggie, has his ears flattened as if he's upset. You look back at your items then look back to what people call "family". Without much thought, you walked over to the boy and handed over some of your bandages and a few cans of tuna.

...He looked at you as if anticipating for you to say something.

"Just take it." You deadpanned.

Ruggie just stared at you for a few more minutes before taking the goods you handed over. The moment he took those, you made a 180 degree turn and speed walked out of the slums. Your ears might have failed you since you definitely did not hear someone saying wait up as you're trying to run away.

Maybe you shouldn't have been so hasty about it when your life was on the line...

---------------------------------------

Author's note: So fun fact...this draft was in my tumblr for 4 months eheheheheh... don't murder me please 🚪🏃💨

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted, chapter ten: A Sopping Wet Cat - a Malevolent x TMA crossover

Between elderly Lara Croft and the deeply-adoptable Jonathan Sims, Tim's feeling less alone.

Now if only Bouchard and Hastur weren't playing footsie while Tim tries to find his own footing…

Chapter ten of Corrupted, a Malevolent x TMA crossover.

AO3

--------------

It’s after five p.m., but Tim is sure Bouchard will let them in. He doesn’t even bother calling this time before taking the bus. If Hastur is right, and Bouchard can see just about everything, he’ll know they’re coming.

Tim’s not sure how he feels about omniscience actually being real and belonging to just… some guy.

The gods in this world might be dead, but they exist, and that throws his entire philosophy of life into question. Even worse, they were eaten by something worse—which begs the question of what the fuck a god actually is.

“Is that guy a god?” he murmurs into his earpods.

Who?

“Bouchard.”

No.

“Right. How are we defining gods?”

How do you define a cat?

Tim purses his lips. “Guess you know a cat when you see one, huh?”

Indeed.

“So it’s not just a power thing, apparently, given that this guy isn’t one. Did that mean there were gods without power, too?”

Yes, actually. Hastur sounds warm again. You can be so very smart, Tim.

“Flattery will get you everywhere, blah blah blah,” Tim mumbles.

Hastur laughs softly.

Tim falls silent. He has a lot to process.

At least it’s easier to reach the Magnus Institute now that he can see. The area is truly lovely; old buildings, probably all National Trust, absolutely clean sidewalks (he can’t imagine the army of people paid to preserve that), and discreet little signs that don’t stick out in any way because reputation matters more here than advertising.

“Oh it's expensive,” Tim sings to and I'm so happy. “So damned expensive! Couldn’t afford a cup of tea! Bet the coffee tastes like pee!”

Hastur laughs. What on earth are you doing?

“Being delightful so the poor police don’t come out and nab me.”

Unlikely to work as a deterrent.

"Well, a guy's gotta try." And then Time spots a slight man in a sweater-vest juggling and losing his folders in a spray of knowledge all over the steps.

“Damn and blast!” the fellow announces like an eighty-year-old, and Tim knows who he is.

“Hey, Jon, right?” Tim says, jogging lightly toward him. “Let me help.”

“Oh! Mister Stoker.” Jon blinks at him. Then behind him. Then at him again, looking confused.

Tim turns and sees nothing. He shrugs and turns back, bending to gather papers. “Sorry I don’t know what order all this goes in.”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter,” says Jon in a deeply peevish way. “She’s not going to organize them anyway.”

“She?” says Tim.

“I have been reassigned to the archives,” says Jon with a little sniff, and pushes his glasses up his nose. “There, I have discovered that Ms. Robinson has no sense of order, nor a positive attitude toward anyone who wants to help.” He stops. His eyes widen. “I am so sorry. This isn’t any of your trouble. Please don’t say… er, anything. I’m very grateful for the opportunity.”

Just listening yesterday, Tim had thought Jon was a prick. Looking at him today, he’s certain Jon is actually a nerd—probably a bullied one—who’s wearing spiky intellectual armor to stay safe.

Tim knows the type. He’s adopted a few in the past. “Mum's the word, boss," he says, and hands over a sheaf of paper back.

Jon stuffs them into folders without any attempt at organizing. His face looks hot. “I’m sorry to have inconvenienced you, Mister Stoker.”

“Tim, please. I’m gonna be around for a bit, so no need to be so formal, yeah?”

Jon’s shoulders untense. “You are? That’s, ah, good to know? I’m sorry, but this is after business hours, and we’re closed.”

“Naw. Elias will let me in,” says Tim.

“Oh! He’s expecting you?” says Jon. “And I’m keeping you! Come along, now, let’s not waste any more time,” he says as if the delay were Tim’s idea, and scurries up the stairs.

What an annoying little man, says Hastur.

Nope. Dorky in the extreme, maybe; he definitely knows the type. Tim grins and follows.

Jon juggles folders and keys; ungraciously accepts a hand with the folders; drops his keys; and finally, face red, gets the door open. “I’m glad to hear we were able to help you. Nasty things, Leitners.”

“Leitners?”

“That bookplate. Jurgen Leitner owned evil books—and legitimately produced some of the few verifiable supernatural occurrences on record.” Jon gives him a challenging look.

Tim just wants to scoop him up and wrap him in a scarf and make him watch some sci-fi. “I believe you.”

The relief is visible. “You do?”

“Seen some things. Yes.”

“I’m really glad we can do something for you,” says Jon. “You know, it’s very strange. I’ve worked here for three years, and I've never once seen Elias get involved in any—”

“Mister Sims, what are you doing?”

And there she is—the little old lady who doesn't look like a bad-ass god-fighting machine, but definitely is. She's tiny; conservatively dressed. She’d be cute if she weren't so severe. Her reading glasses hang from a chain around her neck, and though she lacks any obvious weapons, she still has books in her jacket pockets.

Tim wonders which one's the flamethrower.

Tread carefully, Hastur says, unnecessarily. I don’t know what she remembers after Kayne’s intervention.

“Ms. Robinson,” Jon stammers. “He’s, ah. There’s been a, ah.”

"Hello," says Tim. "Your boss asked for me."

Her look flatly dismisses what he says like wiping away footprints in the sand. "Did he."

Jon looks confused. He's frozen, folders bulked under one arm, keys still in hand.

"He did!" says Tim brightly. "So why don't we all go and see what happens?"*

The old woman stares him down.

Gimlet eyes, Tim thinks, having encountered the phrase in publishing a few times, but never before now actually seeing them.

"Let's do that," she decides, and gestures toward the darkened Institute and Elias’ office. "In we all go now, chop chop," says elderly Lara Croft.

He's already inside. Bouchard. It's safe to enter.

Tim would give a lot of money to know how Hastur knew that, but he can't ask now. He smiles his absolute warmest at both of them and walks into what he desperately hopes is not his tomb.

#

Bouchard is waiting for them, standing in his office doorway. Tim feels weirdly justified. “Thank you, Gertrude,” says Bouchard. “Tim, if you please—right this…” He stops. Stares. “Interesting,” he murmurs.

“Are you sure you want to handle this?” says the murderous old bat.

“Yes, it’ll be fine. He’s not a danger,” says Bouchard.

He’s lying. You are.

Bouchard’s look. It’s hungry. What the hell.

“Jon,” says Bouchard, suddenly. “I will need to see you after this meeting. All right? Clear your schedule. It’s going to be a bit of a thing.”

Jon looks absolutely spooked. “Sure, of course, Elias. Right.”

Lara “Gertrude” Croft looks highly suspicious.

“Right,” says Jon, glancing back and forth. “Um.” He flees.

“That guy needs a movie night,” Tim says.

Gertrude stares at him.

“You know. With friends? A bit of beer, or something? Snacks? Everybody cozy in socks? Bras off?”

She stares harder.

“Right. Maybe you need one, too,” says Tim.

Bouchard clears his throat. “Shall we?”

“Sure.” Tim gives her his brightest smile.

She does not respond. Well, now she’s a challenge.

Bouchard’s look has not changed. Thoughtful. Penetrative. He gestures to the seat across from his desk and sits behind it, fingers steepled.

“You really make a guy sweat with a look like that,” says Tim.

“I’m glad to hear it,” says Bouchard. “And please—do call me Elias.”

Tim shifts. “We’re all on first-name basis here, I guess. Tim.”

Elias does a little gracious nod. “So you’ve had an adventure of some kind since I last saw you,” he says. “For one thing, your vision has swapped hands, if you'll pardon my mixing of metaphors."

“How did you—yeah. That happened. Also, that old bat out there tried to kill me for no damn reason?”

She was aggressive, says Hastur.

“I must apologize for her, not that I have any control over her, really,” he says. “The fact is that when it’s time to stop her, I’m going to have to kill her—but she makes a marvelous distraction in the meantime, doesn’t she?”

What an absolutely fucked up thing to say. “I’m not sure I can agree with that?” says Tim.

Yes… I see your point, says Hastur, because of course, it makes sense to him. And she has done so since before you claimed this body, am I right?

Elias’ smile grows teeth. “I see you don’t miss much.”

No.

“I am mindful of it,” says Elias.

I’d guess… in the neighborhood of two centuries?

“Very good! Yes. I’m surprised one such as yourself would be aware of such mortal lifetimes.”

Hastur responds like a cat petted along its spine, arching its arse in the air. I’ve had to pay attention to such things. Human bodies are… regrettably fragile.

What the actual hell?

Tim frowns, feeling the anger rising, trying to push it down. “Hey, old guys. I’m still here, you know,” he says.

“Yes, and that is a perfect segue,” says Elias, smooth as fucking butter. “I don’t know what happened yesterday. I know Gertrude came back with her memory altered; I know whatever you got involved with raised a sort of… fog through which I could not see.”

“So you were watching,” says Tim.

“I watch everything I can,” says Elias, as though this is perfectly normal. “That is how I serve my patron. But I could not see what happened.”

Tim doesn’t care to tell him. Elias just rubs him wrong.

Chaos. That’s what happened.

“Vague, but fair enough. I cannot even see the memories in your head, Tim, which tells me on one level how strong the forces we’re dealing with are—but there is one thing I do see. You have been marked.”

Tim feels… bad?

He hunches a little. It’s not a familiar feeling, this. He's not even sure "bad" is the right word. “Yeah. Apparently, I’m doomed to become a rage monster, la-di-da.”

“This does place me in an awkward position,” says Elias. “You have, in a manner of speaking, been claimed by a patron other than mine, and they tend to be… possessive.”

Yet you have not thrown us out, says Hastur warmly (because the manipulation seems to have worked), and Tim frowns just a pinch harder.

“Naturally. I’ve never seen anything like this—which means, I fear, that you are practically catnip for me.”

And the two old assholes laugh, and Tim has almost had enough.

(But should he have had enough?)

(Wouldn’t he be more patient with this nonsense, normally?)

“Right,” Tim says. “So. I’m going to assume you also saw what happened at the police station.”

“I did. Most unfortunate.”

"We had something of a plan about that."

“Yes, and I may be able to help you with it—if you’re willing to make a deal.”

Here we go again, Tim thinks. “If you’re already watching, what difference does it make?”

“All the difference. It changes your perception of events, and alters how you feel. It becomes a gift to my patron—given under duress, which is even better—and thus, empowers me.”

Tim stares. “At least you’re honest.”

Surprisingly honest, says Hastur darkly.

Elias shrugs. “The fact is that you're difficult to see into, which is... unusual for me. Surface thoughts are easy; but I don't even know your name.”

He didn’t mean Tim. “You don’t know?”

“I can’t see it. I can see his memory of himself, but not his name—it’s clouded, even in your mind.”

We really are catnip to this guy, Tim thinks. “You don’t have to tell him,” says Tim.

I know. I’m weighing whether his aid is worth whatever price he extracts.

“I assure you, whatever ‘price I extract’ is going to be observation-based. That is, after all, what I’m all about.”

And that was weird. Very weird. Because Tim thinks Elias just lied.

There’s no reason for it. He can’t see any difference in face or body language. But he’s sure Elias lied. He’s getting something out of this beyond observation. Anger bubbles, slowly simmering.

I’ve had… various names.

Elias is looking so damned intense. “I would love to know. It might even help me refine my current thought on how to give you some… support.”

“Don’t give away the farm,” says Tim.

I see no reason to hold this back, Hastur decides.

“If you’re sure.” Tim is not sure.

I have been called Hastur. The Unspeakable One. I have been called… the King in Yellow.

Elias’ eyes light up like he just won the lottery. “Phenomenal,” he whispers. “Lord of Carcosa. Regaled in a gown of yellow, twice as tall as any man! Majestic, he glides over the ground to take his throne in lost Carcosa, for he is the king that was and shall be!”

“Oh, boy,” Tim says.

Yes, Hastur says.

“Well… I am, I will not lie, deeply honored,” Elias lies, and does a proper bow as he says it so Hastur can tell by the sound that he lowered his head.

Tim wonders if this really is the better option than cultists.

The metaphorical lid is beginning to bounce on the pot of his anger, clanging, jarring out of place with rising rage—and Elias sees. Tim knows that he sees.

Elias is enjoying this.

Rein it in, Tim tells himself, because this isn’t like him, this isn’t usual, he’s a patient man, he’s dealt with shit like this from shitty managers all in the past, this isn’t new, this… he doesn’t have to… he…

“Your self-control is extraordinary,” says Elias, softly. “I’m very impressed, Tim. And I appreciate it. I don’t particularly want to be burned—so I thank you.”

At least that time, he wasn’t lying.

Tim.

“What?” Tim snaps between clenched teeth.

Please.

Well, fuck, what’s Tim supposed to do with that?

They’re both waiting to see what he does with that.

Come on, you, he thinks. Pull it together. He breathes slowly. Deeply. Shuddering.

“You are remarkable,” says Elias, and he sounds like he means it. “I wouldn’t have guessed—forgive me.”

He is, says Hastur, as though he planned for any of this.

“I think I hate you both right now?” says Tim.

“Fair,” says Elias. “And I’m sorry that you’re in the position you’re in.”

Again—he’s telling the truth now.

Does Elias know Tim picked up when he was lying?

Tim thinks he does. Elias, Tim realizes, is a fucking dangerous piece of work.

You have an idea? says Hastur.

“I do. This is, of course, based on research and memories from those in my line going back some thousands of years. If I understand correctly, your current vulnerability is largely based on… well. Your host’s mortality.”

That isn’t… fully inaccurate.

“As opposed, let’s say, to possessing a body closer to what you had before?”

My original body? There are no bodies here closer to what I had before.

“What if one could be created? How would that affect your situation?”

Tim has no idea. “What, give him his own body? Go all deific Frankenstein?”

I need to… consider this. You say it as if there were a possibility of such a thing.

Elias’ eyes lid. It’s like he knows he’s hooked a fish, and can take his time reeling it in. “Well. You no doubt feel the stored power of this place. That is because we collect artefacts. This particular hobby is not unique to us. I may—theoretically—know of some deific flesh, carefully preserved in crystal. And I may—theoretically—know someone who could potentially use it to craft you a new body.”

“Why would you go to all that trouble?” says Tim.

“Because it will be an amazing thing to watch, and as things currently stand, you won’t live long enough to… ah. I apologize.”

“Scratch your itch?” says Tim, dry. “Get you the fuck off?”

“Something like that,” says Elias, who isn’t so easy to ruffle.

I need to think about this.

“Of course you do. Might I suggest you stay here until you do, though? No obligation, no payment—well, beyond watching you, which I will be doing anyway, no matter where you are.”

“You knew I already planned on that part,” says Tim.

Elias shrugs like a prince. “I choose to be gracious, nonetheless.”

Tim wants to hit him.

Keep it down, he tells himself. You’re not the rage. You not the… whatever the fuck wrath monster. You’re you.

“I offer protection,” says Elias. “We are not, of course, impervious to invasion, but we are far safer than a hotel, or an apartment, or, gods forbid, the street. Three agents I can see followed you here—two of the Corruption, who would devour you with mold, worms, maggots, disease; and one of the Desolation, who… well, to be frank, I don’t know what she’d do, given that you, Tim, are marked—but I assure you, she is not here on a mission of mercy.”

“What?”

“You were followed—and I am not talking about your policewoman.”

“Wait, we were?"

“You didn’t notice? Oh, dear,” says Elias.

Fuck.

Yeah, pretty much.

We shall stay, says Hastur as though the favor being given is them gracing this place with their presence.

Tim realizes with a shock that he isn’t sure his opinion is any good right now. He’s too angry. It’s not his rage. But it’s… spilling into everything. Tim has never felt unsure in his life. This is a horrible feeling. He wipes at his eyes, surprised to find them wet.

“Come.” Elias stands, not revealing whatever he thinks of this display, and heads for the door.

Are you all right?

Hastur seems to mean it. Can Tim trust that, either?

Yes. He knows he can. Whatever else is wrong with him, he knows he’s reading other people correctly, including Hastur. “Not really?”

I will do what I can for you once we are alone.

“More spells?" Tim scoffs.

Oh, the things I can teach you...

“Sure,” says Tim without conviction, and follows Elias Bouchard deeper into his spooky mid-london temple.

#

Elias hadn’t lied; it’s a neat little space down there, in the archives.

Well. It’s a mess. But the living quarters are definitely cute.

Gertrude Lara Croft Robinson is down there already, eyeing them, visibly daring commentary on the stacks of mismatched files, the open cardboard boxes balanced precariously against each other or on chairs, the truly heinous amount of cobwebs in every corner, between every shelf.

“Uh,” says Tim. “Nice haunted house you’re running here.”

“Mm,” says Elias.

Gertrude gives Tim a skewering look.

“No, really,” says Tim, stepping over six sagging boxes and around two piles of unsorted papers. “Get a fog machine down here and you’ll make bank.”

“Yes, well, Gertrude insists there is a reason for all of it,” says Elias as if his kingdom’s condition is of no concern.

Gertrude says nothing.

Tim suddenly wonders if she’s hiding weapons in the paperwork.

The little living area is, happily, free from nonsense. A very tiny kitchenette, a small cot sharing space with boxes and office supplies, and a bathroom with a cramped toilet and sink.

“There is a shower upstairs,” says Elias, “though it is in my office, and you will need to arrange time to use it.”

“Weird,” says Tim. “But okay.”

Elias shrugs. “It is a very old building. James Wright had it installed, so I am to understand, but what he was thinking, doing it there… well. I have no idea.”

A lie. Tim peers at him.

Elias smiles and it is a bright, sharp thing, like light glinting off a blade. “Oh, you are good at that, aren’t you?” he murmurs.

“What—was that a test?”

“It was. Over something I think you can agree, at least, is harmless.”

“Hard not to be insulted,” Tim says.

“Of course—but I had to be sure you knew on your own. I can clearly see Lord Hastur did not clue you in.”

“Lord Hastur?”

“I’ve never met a god before, and I’d prefer to be on his good side. Wouldn’t you?” says Elias.

Tim rolls his eyes so hard they hurt. “Subject fucking change. How can you help with that police officer?”

“Are you willing to do some footwork?”

Tim frowns. “Sure?”

“Good. Then I can send you to a few places which will, in time, lead her on a completely different trail.”

“So you already knew our plan.”

“Yes. I won’t send you alone, either. It’s hardly safe. Just give me some time to make a couple of arrangements.”

Truth. “Okay. I guess. Fuck, this is… Am I really kipping in a haunted basement to hide from maggot gods?”

“I fear before all of this over, you will experience far stranger things than this,” says Elias. “Now—do try to get comfortable. I will fetch you a key, as well as the code for the alarm.”

“Elias!” Gertrude protests.

“He is officially under our protection.”  And there, right there, is the most real Elias has been this whole damn time, because that hardly sounded like the same man. The smarm is gone, replaced with a frankly terrifying hardness, the kind that makes Tim think he could shoot a guy in the face and walk away without a second thought.

But maybe it’s necessary to corral someone like Gertrude. She looks positively raucous for a moment, then glances at Tim.

Tim holds his hands up. “No quarrels with you. I’m just trying to stay alive.”

“I reserve the right to kill him if he tries a ritual inside the Institute—whether or not he knows what it does,” Gertrude snaps.

Well, she certainly remembers some of what happened.

“Fair,” says Elias.

“Sure?” says Tim.

Gertrude nods as if her head is an axe and marches away.

Elias sighs. “I really do apologize for her.”

Will she honor your command?

“For a while, anyway. Her focus is ‘protecting humanity,’ whatever that means, so as long as Tim provides no such active threat, he will fall off her radar.”

“She came after me yesterday," says Tim.

“She’d thought you were attempting a ritual to give one of the Fears more power,” says Elias.

“She didn’t even ask. She just… assumed.”

“In the name of saving the world, she sacrifices people,” Elias says coldly. “It makes one wonder what the value of life is to her.”

So that’s a whole host of unspoken stories. “Wow.”

“Indeed. I’ll send help down with a key and all shortly. Rest, Tim. As best we can, we’ll keep you safe.” Elias smiles (and, oddly enough, was telling the truth), and leaves.

Tim flops onto the cot.

It squeaks.

“That’ll make masturbating awkward,” he says without thinking.

Hastur laughs.

#

Tim did not expect to fall asleep.

It’s not like this is the best cot in the world. But there’s something weirdly peaceful about this place; the sounds of paper rustling outside the little room, presumably Gertrude moving piles from one spot to another (also presumably just keeping an eye on him). The sweet emptiness of being underground, with so much stone and paper and threadbare carpet, is its own wonderful white noise. Tim hasn’t been in a silent place in a long time, and finds it soothing. Even the simmering anger seems to be calming.

He yawns, stretches, is amused that the cot creaks again. “Mm,” he says. “Guess this is what monks see in it, or something.”

What—the silence and isolation? Perhaps; though they tend also to be… industrious orders, working far more hours than usual. The time allotted to rest in silence is slim.

“Fuck that, then. Guess I’m starting my own monastery—to laziness.” Tim stretches again. “Hey—why do you know about monks?”

I’ve spent more than one life in one such place.

Tim sputters. “Are you serious?”

Yes. There isn’t much in this world that I have not at least tried, Tim.

Tim sits up. “You really did monk things?”

I did.

“Like… prayed to gods you knew weren’t there, or whatever?”

A dark chuckle. Well, says Hastur. I will admit that I tended to leave such places altered, compared to when I went in.

“What did you do?”

Finely honed insanity, says Hastur, as though recounting a garden he’d grown.

Tim gapes at nothing. “Insanity? Hastur, why would you do that? What'd they do to you?"

Nothing. It was merely amusing at the time.

Maybe Tim is overtired. He should find this beyond horrifying, but instead, it’s just frustrating. “Look, do you even know it was wrong?”

Why would it be wrong? Hastur feels sincere. I am a god. I am no mortal. I am no human. I have graced this world with my presence out of necessity, but I have the right to do as I wish while I'm here.

“No, you don’t,” says Tim, baffled as to how he can possibly get his message across.

I disagree.

“Yeah, obviously, but that doesn’t make you right.”

No? And your twenty-nine years of life tell you this, do they?

Tim has an epiphany. “No, actually. That Kayne guy did.”

It feels like Hastur goes stiff as a board. What?

“If just being bigger than someone gives you the right to do what you want to them, then we’re actually morally wrong for running away from him.” Tim’s proud of that one.

Hastur has no mouth to sputter. He manages to do it, anyway. That is not the same!

“Sure it is. He can, so he should, right?”

I didn’t say should.

“No, but you said you have the right to do it. Well, does he?”

It’s not the same, Hastur insists.

It’s Tim’s turn to be smug, and he leans into it. "I didn't realize you were morally deficient. That's gonna make this rough, Hastur."

I am not deficient. I am morally superior.

"Right. Superior. In being deficient."

Tim...

Tim sighs. “What the hell am I gonna do with you?”

I think, Tim, rumbles Hastur in a low and terrible tone, the real question is what I am going to do with you.

Tim goes very still.

And there’s a knock at the storage closet door.

Tim has never been more grateful for an interruption in his life as he leaps off the cot to answer it. “Saved by the… hey, come in!”

It’s Jon.

Jon, who looks like a gray ghost, who holds out a key, a post-it note with a six-digit code, and a torn-out notebook page with addresses scribbled on it. He looks smaller than usual, as if whatever just happened to him has compressed him right down.

“Oh, thanks.” Tim takes them. “Hey—you okay?”

Jon stares at him. “Did you know there are things?” he says.

“So that’s a nope,” says Tim, who has decided to adopt Jon whether Jon knows it or not, and takes his arm to gently lead him in. “Sit down, already, before you pass out?”

“I am not going to pass out,” bristles Jon.

Tim sits him down, anyway, right on the cot.

It squeaks.

Tim checks a box labeled PAPER, finds it sturdy, and plops down onto it. “You okay?” he says again.

“There are… there are fear gods.”

Poor guy. “Apparently so. Might help to talk it out, yeah? Why don’t you start at the beginning? Was it Elias?”

“Oh, gods, yes it was Elias.” Jon puts his face in his hands.

Hastur finds Jon’s distress funny. The chuckle is soft, dark, cruel; it makes Tim angry—and he’s pretty sure this anger is his, not some stupid Desolation’s. Still, he takes a moment to force it down. “Yeah. I did know, little buddy, but only for about… two days? Or so? I’m losing track.”

“Oh,” says Jon.

What the hell had Bouchard done up there? “I’m guessing your boss filled you in.”

Jon looks forlorn. “One of them’s got me already, apparently?”

Accidental priest. “He just went full info-dump, didn’t he?” says Tim, who feels utterly justified in disliking that guy. “I’m sorry. I’m still wrestling with it all myself.”

“He says one of them’s got you, too,” says Jon. “And I am… I’m to go with you as we leave today, and as we gather what is necessary to distract… police? From your trail? Then retreat back to the Institute as quickly as possible.”

TIm blinks slowly. “He’s sending you?”

Jon reddens. “Yes. He says I… he says. I…”

“Hey, it’s okay. Hey. You can tell me whatever. Just verbally process, I don’t care."

Tim, we don’t have time to play therapist.

Tim ignores him. “What happened, Jon?”

“I tried to quit to prove him wrong,” says Jon. “I couldn’t.”

“Okay,” says Tim. “That’s horrible.”

“I wouldn’t have believed him except he knew about Mister Spider,” says Jon.

“Okay,” says Tim. “Do I want to know what that is?”

Jon stares. “Can we go? I… I don’t think I can sit here and think too much about this right now.”

“Sure, all right. We can talk later,” says Tim. “But—no offense—why is he sending you?”

“Oh. Because I saw who was following you this morning.”

Tim blinks. “You did?”

“Three of them. Two looked quite ill, but one just looked… angry. They all made me nervous; I’d assumed you knew, but Elias said you didn’t.”

Remarkable, says Hastur. He truly is in tune with the Beholding.

“I didn’t see them,” says Tim. “I really need the extra set of eyes. I’m a bit of trouble, you know?”

“That’s what he said.” Jon stands (and the cot squeaks). “I’m really not in a place to wield rational arguments at the moment.”

“Right. Well, let’s go, then.” Tim guides him out the door. “What's at these addresses?”

“He didn’t say.” Jon is shaking. His slightly oversized sweater-vest nearly hides it, but he is, and it makes his voice tremble.

Pathetic, says Hastur.

“Do you hate kittens, too?” Tim murmured softly.

“What?” says Jon.

“Nothing.”

Gertrude is glaring at them. “I’m watching you.”

“What?” says Jon very weakly.

“There’s a queue for that,” Tim quips, and hurries Jon out.

“That was odd,” says Jon in a high, spooked voice.

“Yeah?”

“Could’ve sworn she had blood all over her for a moment.”

What? says Hastur. Tim. Tim, I’m going to need you to do a spell.

Tim ignore that. “Don’t suppose Elias told you why I’m in trouble.”

“No. He said that was your purview, should I earn your trust.”

Tim! We need to do a spell. I need to know what’s going on with this annoying little man.

“Earn my trust? Wow. He really is a dickhead, isn’t he?”

Jon sputters. “He’s… I don’t know! He’s just Elias! I’ve barely noticed him in the past three years. Once my interview was done, we’ve hardly interacted!”

Tim!

Hastur’s confidence in Tim’s spellcasting abilities might be high, but Tim does not have that confidence. At any rate, it’ll be difficult talking to Hastur unless Jon knows the score, so…  Why not? “Right,” Tim says, trusting Jon at Elias. “So… the Powers Elias told you about? Something like that jumped out of the book I brought in. It’s in my head right now.”

Jon is taking this very seriously. “Really?”

“Really. Talks all the time. Real awkward.”

Tim, Hastur warns.

Tim deadpans it: “He wants me to cast some kind of spell to check you out.”

Tim!

“Check me out?” blurts Jon, stopping before the final stair. “For what? A new host?”

Hardly. That would not be worth my time, Hastur snaps.

“Naw,” Tim says. “He’s not a swinger. He just wants to see, is all.”

Jon’s eyes seem take up half his face. “What?” he says.

“You know, because he’s in me already?”

This has gone right over Jon’s head. He stares at Tim as though he’s speaking Sanskrit.

Like a sopping wet cat, Tim thinks with growing fondness. “Never mind. Let’s go check out these addresses, yeah?”

He’s an idiot, Hastur declares. Mentally deficient.

Is Hastur jealous? He feels jealous.

“Sure,” says Jon weakly.

“It’s gonna be okay,” says Tim, and pats him on the shoulder.

Hastur growls quietly.

New game, thinks Tim, because how could he not, and follows Jon into the lobby.

[the-adventures-of-dave]

Hey, what's the best way to teach a cat NOT to do something? Struggling to dissuade my 3 cats from getting up on the counter and table or getting into the dishes when I don't have the energy to do more than rinse away food bits but my elderly cats are always looking for extra snacks despite their vet telling them they're fed plenty lol 😆

Some quick things to avoid: shock collars, spray bottles, shouting/stomping, shaking cans of rocks.

When possible with cats, positive reinforcement is the way to go. You don’t want your cats to associate you with negative things. If you can, the absolute best thing you can do is block the counter off completely, be it by closing a kitchen door or creating a barricade. Putting foil or double sided tape on the counter to deter them may work as well, since they will associate the counter with uncomfortable experiences rather than you. It could be possible that they just want somewhere to sit and watch you in the kitchen, so providing an alternate shelf/cat tree/etc and rewarding them when they choose that over the counter can help.

@catsindoors has some great resources on how to avoid counter surfing ontheir site here. Check out their “Problems” page.

[ousama]

the last recorded fatal bear attack in New Hampshire took place in 1784, on an eight year old boy. since then, fatal bear attacks in New England have been fairly uncommon, even back when the area was not as "urbanized" as it is now. much of the east side of the country (canada has its own problems, as northern quebec has its share of bears) is not at particular risk for deadly bear attacks. this is more likely due to the rapid urbanization and the populations of black bears, which are comparatively smaller and less confrontational (or predatory on humans) than their brown counterparts. iirc the last wild bear-related death in pennsylvania was also hundreds of years ago, and the more recent ones have all been in captivity (as in new york, etc). the first ever (recorded) deadly mauling in new jersey occurred in 2014. there have been a few instances in tennessee as well.

comparatively speaking, the western side of the united states, and central canadian provinces, have a much higher risk of fatal bear encounters. central canada and the western US is much less populated (bar cities), more forested, and contains more threatening bears. the grizzly bear can reach heights up to 9 feet and have a bite force of 1,000 psi. they are also a little bolder than black bears, and bear spray can be ineffective on them.

the most recent cases of (wild) fatal bear attacks have occurred mostly in alaska, montana, alberta, saskatchewan, manitoba, wyoming, and colorado. the overwhelming majority of human victims were hiking or camping when the attacks occurred. bears as a whole tend to avoid towns and large groups of people. they know how to pick their battles.

attributed causes have varied. some attacks are defensive, some are predatory. bears do eat people. alive, in fact. that's what makes them a bigger threat than big cats- they don't kill their meals before they start eating. there was a recent black bear attack in arizona on a camping ground (which is what made the attack so bizarre) where a man was dragged away from his camper and eaten alive. it took several minutes of passive attacks to dissuade the bear before someone with a gun stepped in. but the man was already dead by then.

I've read cases of elderly women feeding bears on their rural properties and then being mauled. shocking. but almost all attacks happen rurally, in national parks, forests, etc. alaska seems to be the only place where morning joggers get mauled by bears but it's fucking alaska. what else would you expect from trying to urbanize alaska.

my boyfriend was telling me about the sankebetsu brown bear incident, which I find REALLY interesting because of the circumstances. took place over a few days, in a town (though newly established), and it killed nine people. super interesting I'd definitely recommend looking into it.

I hope you enjoyed this. I really don't care about anime discourse but I like reading about bear attacks.

source: wikipedia's list of north american fatal bear attacks. my boyfriend and I had a date last night and I read the list to him

thank you for this highlight of my day already

[valiantvillain]

Multiples of 5 that you haven't done for whatever Tav you're feeling for that ask meme!

Alright, here we go! Multiples of 5 for Wendolyn.

5. First humanoid enemy, the first person, Wendolyn ever killed was a duergar, an elderly man with a beard, the bolt of a crossbow sticking out of his neck. A spray of hot blood spattered across her face, nearly imperceptibly staining her armor. She was numb at first. He'd stumbled upon her and her father's meager camp, likely a scout. She hadn't though, just reacted, the way father had told her to. And before Wendolyn's mind could fully grasp that it was her who had done it, father had knelt over the corpse and told her she had done well before searching it for valuables. "He'd have gotten you first if he'd had it his way," he said. "Don't mourn a murderer. And if you must, do it once we're safe."

10. Perhaps somewhat predictably, my favorite character in the Goblin Camp was Minthara, even though I always kill her. Though I suppose you could say it's the opposite for Wendolyn as Minthara in that moment presented to her everything people feared about the drow. Dangerous zealots, only this time it wasn't for Lolth but the Absolute, whoever that was.

20. Wendolyn talked the Zhentarim into freeing him without having to pay a single coin thanks to bardic charisma. When she encountered him later in Baldur's Gate, she helped deal with his and Lady Jannath's haunted house problem and at the end was more in it to help Jannath and the spirit of Kerri than she was to help Oskar. Still, one could hardly turn down a portrait as a reward.

25. To get to the Shadow-Cursed Lands? No. She ended up backtracking there through the Shadow-Cursed Lands. It was a nice break from the gloom and the ghosts.

30. Prior to Scratch and the owlbear cub, the closest Wendolyn had to a pet were the stray cats and dogs that she and her tavern owner friend fed. Sometimes one or two followed her up to her room above the tavern.

35. Wendolyn still really wonders if it was the right thing to do to raise Mayrina's husband from the dead. Because that business never ends well in the stories. She rather hopes that Mayrina eventually gives up on that particular endeavor.

40. Unfortunately, yes. She's often had haunting dreams about her family and a good friend and mentor of hers whom she watched die in an ambush. She's used to dreams fuelled by grief and aided by the odd one glass of wine too many. But the guardian dreams? That was a whole other level of unsettling for her, especially since the Emperor took on the form of her old friend.

[shadowqueen402]

Bruce, The Animal Lover

The twelfth fic I made for @kayssweetdreams . This will be based off of her Maestro Hiccups 3 fic that is coming up. Hope you enjoy this.

When Bruce entered his stage, he was immediately greeted by a bunch of puppies and kittens trotting over to him to say hello. They were each in various breeds and sizes.

Bruce was an animal lover. He had even met Cass's kitten one time. So surely, having these pets on his stage wouldn't be too much of a problem to deal with, right?

Oh, how wrong he was…

"Okay, you guys," Bruce said gently to them. "As much as I would love to hang around with you all, I have something I must do; I'm looking for a cure. My two friends need it."

The puppies and kittens seemed to understand this. So they started to guide Bruce…at first. Suddenly, Balan unleashed a hiccup onto Bruce's stage.

In the blink of an eye, a bunch of parrots that were the same height as Leo appeared. And they all started to sing Brahm's Lullaby at the dogs and cats, putting them to sleep.

Bruce blinked in bewilderment. He had seen Iben put her infant daughter to sleep, but animals putting other animals to sleep? That was a different story.

Suddenly, Lance released a hiccup. Bruce gasped when he saw a bunch of cockroaches crawling into his stage. They were practically everywhere; on the floors, on the walls, and in the cages.

Bruce was not too fond of these insects. Especially since they could be found where there is garbage. Which was why he cleaned up the streets.

Bruce took a nearby broom and swatted the cockroaches away. "Go away, shoo!" He said to them.

But then, Balan and Lance hiccuped together.

When the elderly man looked around, he saw a bunch of macaws flying around…while also swearing up a storm. The puppies and kittens were now a bunch of neon colors. But they were still barking or meowing up a storm.

As for the parrots, they were now singing a bunch of Spanish R&B songs. The cockroaches somehow could carry cans of spray paint and started to spray…not-so-nice pictures on the walls.

"It's settled," Bruce said. "I have seen all…"

[greenvillegreengirl]

Recently adopted somewhat elderly cat with many issues.

Today I got home from job, checked on cat, sat with her and petted her until she started eating the fresh cat food I brought her.

Went to get in shower. Got clean and changed and came back to sit with cat and do more work.

Cat had vomited up her lunch in three places while I was in shower. Cleaned it all up.

Sat down to do work.

Realized cat had puked in FOUR places. Cleaned up some more.

Sat down to do work.

Cat gets into litter box and proceeds to have a blowout. Box, floor, and surrounding walls are covered in dainty lil flecks of cat poo. So is cat.

Did I mention cat is long haired variety? Cat has very long fur that … collects stuff.

Try to clean cat first but she has relocated to poop more on the floor. Start cleaning litter box area. Go to get fresh litter box (we keep a rotation going) and cat escapes from the room, before I’ve had a chance to make sure she’s all clean.

Follow and retrieve poo-covered cat.

Complete cleaning of walls, floors, and changing over to fresh litter box. Finally tidy up the cat.

Pet her and give her lots of love.

Sit down to work.

Cat gets into fresh litter box and decides it is too clean, proceeds to spray urine in every direction.

😖

[wyatt-06]

How to protect my dog from fleas and ticks

The removal of fleas and ticks from your dog's coat can be a tedious operation. Getting rid of a tick once it has attached to your pet can be quite challenging, and if not done correctly, it can spread infections and diseases. Prevention is always easier than cure when it comes to keeping your dog free of fleas and ticks. A lot of different solutions can be tried to keep fleas and ticks away.

Keep Your House Clean

Flea eggs can survive the winter months in your house, and once they are laid throughout the house, they can grow by 100 eggs per day. It is important to keep your home clean by routinely cleaning your pet's bedding as well as other areas of your house, such as furnishings, curtains, and carpets. It will prevent flea eggs from hatching and causing your family serious problems.  Do not forget to dispose of vacuum bags efficiently, since flea eggs can continue to hatch and multiply, even after they have been vacuumed.

Check Your Pet Regularly for Ticks

Be careful to check your pet's skin, ears, and the region around their legs for ticks if you've taken them into an area where ticks are prevalent. Ticks prefer warm, moist conditions and are more likely to bite in locations with dense undergrowth, tall grasses, and decaying leaves. In order to prevent diseases like Lyme disease from spreading to your pet, you must find and remove ticks as soon as possible. Ticks only take 24 hours to transmit diseases to your pet. Whenever you take your pet on a prolonged outing through forest areas or when she plays outside, check her for parasites. If you realise your dog has been bitten by a tick, keep an eye out for any behavioural changes like lethargy, appetite loss, or limping.

Take Your Dog to Vet for Timely Check-ups

Routine wellness exams are the greatest method to locate a parasite prevention programme that works and, if your pet is already taking medicine, assess the effectiveness of their current prevention programme. We advise making an appointment with a veterinarian right soon if your pet is exhibiting signs of parasites, such as scratching from fleas, or if you frequently detect ticks on your pet.

Use Shampoos and Sprays for Fleas and Ticks on Dogs

A lot of over-the-counter effective products are available to remove ticks and fleas such as shampoos, sprays, combs and even gadgets. Let us help you with a few of the useful and effective aids for fleas and ticks we have.

Shampoo

Our natural flea & tick shampoo plus soothing is a fast and effective naturally medicated shampoo with soothing ingredients like sesame, and lemongrass that provides faster relief. Suitable for all dog breeds and puppies above the age of 12 weeks.                

Spray

Out natural flea & tick spray formulated with natural plant extracts for your fur buddy's safety. It repels mosquitoes and kills fleas, flea eggs, and ticks. Whether facing an active infestation or applying for routine prevention, Out Natural Flea & Tick Spray for pets is scientifically proven effective against pests but gentle enough to use around the whole family.

Combs

Trixie Flea and Dust tool head is made of durable stainless steel with a strong wooden handle for a comfortable and good grip. Helps to remove fleas, ticks, loose hair and dirt from your pets' coats effectively.

Trixie Flea and Dust comb is a traditional-looking effective comb to remove fleas and ticks from tougher than the toughest coats. It is an ideal tool for both cats and dogs of all sizes.   

Gadget

Our tickles Ultrasonic Tick and Flea Repeller is an environment-friendly device that can be fastened to pet collars.  The device is 94% efficient against ticks without using any dangerous chemicals! It is non-toxic and does not use or release any chemical substances or odours, making it safe to use even for young, elderly, ill, or pregnant pets.  

[merunicornwithbooks]

Man, most people who come into our store are so cool. They just want to look at all our neat stuff and buy a stack of things and sometimes they find their Holy Grail item and they practically glow while I ring it up for them and they excitedly tell me how long they've been looking for it, how old they were when they first saw it/read it, and there's seriously nothing more wholesome. Boosts my whole day, their joy and positivity. I love the girls who come in asking for Sarah J. Maas, not because I like her as an author (I don't) but because these girls are so often sneered at for reading romantasy and I speak to them kindly and enthusiastically and then their faces light up and they tell me all the other books they like and ask if those authors are available. Plus they always smell nice. Like always. Sarah J. Maas girlies have the best perfumes/body sprays/whatever it is they're using. I like the shy kids who have their parents come up and ask me for things and then once the kid sees I'm not going to make fun of them and that I'm pretty nice, they start speaking up and answering questions and sometimes they'll come back to the counter to approach me on their own to ask for additional titles.

I need to keep these kinds of customers in mind when I get the shitty ones. I had two shit fuck customers today, one in the first half of my day, the other in the second and while they were definitely not the worst I've ever experienced, they for sure put a damper on my day and I feel sort of shitty now. I'm not even going to write about what they did because they don't deserve to be remembered. I want to look back at this post later and wonder who I'm vague posting about lol. Fuck those two fools, they can never even hope to be as cool as a nine year old child who comes sprinting up to the counter to breathlessly ask me where the Warrior cat books are. They'll never know the joy of the elderly ladies with their lists who are super stoked to get the next J.D. Robb book and are so happy when we help track down more titles for them. These two dickheads will continue to be miserable shits and wonder why they always have bad experiences everywhere they go. Can't help you with that, fuck nuggets, you just suck. 🤷‍♀️

[kaitlynmeh]

Little Inferno Combos

Bike Pirates toy pirate + wood bicycle

Someone else's: someone else's credit card + someone else's family portrait

Springtime: Instant Seed pack + Alarm clock

Generations: Spider Egg + someone else's family portrait

Lenders: someone else credit card + Blankity Bank

Movie Night: Corn on the cob +Television

Seafarers: toy pirate + oil barge.

Building block: building blocks + ordinary bricks

Firebreathers: Antiki Torch + Pyranosauraus Plushie

Dino-mite: Pyranosauraus Plushie + Disgruntled EIf Plushie

Watching You: Television + Wandering Eye

Double Fan: Space heater + Cold Metal Heart

Terrible Teeth: Eager Bunny Plushie + Toy Leprechaun

Time bomb: Alarm Clock + Mini Nuke

LoL Kitty: Wandering Eye + Kitty Kitty Poo Poo

Catfish: Kitty Kitty Poo Poo + Blowfish

Bear in a china Shop: Feelings Bear Plush + Fragile China

Dinnerware: Wood Spoon + Fragile China

Cornflakes: Corn on the cob + Tooth "N" Corn flakes breakfast

Deadly Fish: Blow fish + Discounted Sushi

Wake up!: Alarm Clock + Coffee

Iced Coffee: Coffee + Dry Ice

Easter Bunny: Egg Pack + Eager Bunny Plushie

Liquid diet: Future Fizz + Coffee + Midlife Crisis Mitigator.

Egg Sack: Spider Egg + Locust Egg

Freaked Out: Marshmallows + Coffee + Toaster

Wooden Blocks: Letter blocks + Building Blocks + Tetronimos

Arachnid: Spider Egg + Giant Spider

Zombie Garden: Instant Seed Pack + Toy Zombie

Eggcellent: Egg Pack + Phoenix Egg

Puzzling Adventure: Tetronimos + Gentleman Adventure Doll

Magnetic Heart: Broken heart + cold metal Heart

World of goo: goo ball + Casual game

Airplane Mode: Cellphone + handheld fireplace + Gaming tablet

Under Water: Blowfish + Miss Hexopus

Meta: handheld fire place + beta version

Pixel Pixelated. Pixel pack + beta version

Japanese: Discounted Sushi + Toy Ninja

Brains Ahoy: Toy Zombie + Toy Pirate + Toy Ninja

Rosy: Valkyrie Doll + Gravity Boy Action Toy

Howl at the moon: Howling Coyote + Mini Moon

Cat Lady: Kitty- Boo Poo + Old Lady Doll

Elderly Couple: Old Lady Doll + Gentleman Adventurer Doll

Terrible Mystery: The Terrible Secret + Mystery Seasoning

Change the Bulb: Fragile Bulbs + Modern Lamp

Cold Water: Uncle Sam's Blam Blams + Russian Nest Dolls

Framed: Little Inferno Collector Poster + Someone else's Family

Portrait + Oil Painting

Writer's Block: Letter Blocks + Word Pack

Stop, drop & Roll: Smoke Detector + Fire Extinguisher

Colourful Flare: Zesty Beetles + Beta Version + Powder Barrel

Pollinating: Instant Seed Pack + Cacoon

Cat Bath: Kitty Kitty Poo Poo Plushie + Dish Detergent

Clean Plate: Fragile China + Dish Detergent

Orchestral: Valkyrie Doll + Cello

Moonlight Melody: Mini Moon + Cello

Medicated Midlife: Midlife Crisis Mitigator + Medicated Mommy Pills

Pill Popper: Best Friend Supplement Pills + Medicated Mommy Pills

Bearskin Rug: Feelings Bear Plush + Old Bear Trap

Fireworks: Uncle Sam's Blam Blams + Dynamite Daisy

Spinning Blades: Super Juicer 4000 + Drill Chain Thrower

Timber!: Drill Chain Thrower + Lumber jack hand + Manly Odor Spray

Pokerhand: Glass Cards + Lumberjack hand

Duck season: gaming tablet + Gaming Bush

Hunting: Old Bear Trap + Gaming Bush

Nuclear Shave: Mini Nike + Manly Razor

Brick & Mortar: Ordinary Brick + Unstable Ordinance

Texting girl: Cellphone + low Self-esteem Dall

Sorority Party: Low Self-esteem Doll + Balloons

Chain Puffer: Drill Chain Thrower + Puff Pack

Deadly Vice: Midlife Crisis Mitigator + Glass Cards + Puff Pack

Legal Charges: legal Briefcase + Someone else's Credit card

Body Builder: Manly Trophy + Protein Powder

Injection: Snake Surprise + Protein Powder

Deafening: Valkyrie Doll + Sonic Boom

Road Rage: Wooden Bicycle + Celebration Bus + Mustache Rider

Diseased: Toy leprechaun + Mystery Seasoning + Book of Darkness

Chain Email: Drill Chain Thrower + Email

Wood Applause: Lumberjack hand + Laser pointer

World Adventurer: Flaming Globe + Gentleman Adventurer Doll

Learning is Fun: Celebration bus + Rocket ship of Learning

Glasses & Statches: Fashionable Sunglasses + Mighty Mustache

Before the Internet: Television + Old Timey Radio

Sleeping Idol: Sleeping Idol + Triangle Idol + Rotund Idol

Ice Planet: Dry Ice + Mini Pluto

Heart & Soul: Cold Metal Heart + Transhumanist Action Figure

Yellow Brick Road: Kitty Kitty Poo Poo + Scarecrow + Transhumanist Action Figure

Planes & Trains Unstable Ordinance + railroad crossing (x-ing)

Robotic Futures: Clampy bots + Mom & Dad bots

Polar Bear: Feeling Bear Plushie + South Pole

Cardboard: limitation meatboy +Cardboard Sword + Decoy Ladybug

Sausage Factory: Sausage Links + Clone Factory

Book Club: the terrible secret + Book of Darkness + Creation Science

Spam cloud: Email + Internet Cloud

Online Piracy: Internet Cloud + Toy Pirate

It's a sign: Rail Road Crossing + this way down

sunflower: Instant seed Pack + Miniature Sun

Mini Milky way: Mini Moon + Mini Pinto + Mini Sun

Future's bright: Mini Sun + Fashionable Sunglasses

The End: Jar of Fireflies + Broken Magnet + Toy Exterminator + Fashionable Sunglasses

[admppp]

Bark Collars: Understanding the Different Types of Correction Settings

As every dog owner knows, excessive barking can become annoying and disruptive, especially in neighbourhood settings. While training is the best long-term solution, bark collar training immediately controls nuisance barking when your puppy just won't quiet down. Modern bark collars offer humane correction settings tailored to your dog's needs and sensitivity. Understanding the different correction options helps ensure you choose the right solution for your dogs.

Vibration Correction

Vibration settings deliver a gentle buzzing sensation with each bark to disrupt the behaviour. This functions like a tap on the shoulder to indicate barking is unwanted. Vibration is suited for mild barkers and easily startled pups since it does not cause physical discomfort. However, stubborn barkers may ignore the subtle stimulation.

Static or Shock Correction

These collars deliver a mild static correction when the dog barks excessively. The startling stimulation trains dogs to avoid unwanted barking. The intensity of the static shock can typically be adjusted to suit the dog's sensitivity level, ensuring it remains safe and humane. Modern day collars use a static stimulation very different to the earliest shock collars.

Citronella Spray

After each bark, a bark collar with citronella spray emits a slight mist of citrus-scented liquid in front of the dog's nose. Most dogs dislike the odour, deterring further nuisance barking. The smell quickly dissipates and does not harm your pet. 

Ultrasonic Correction

Ultrasonic bark collars omit a high-pitched sound each time your dog barks. While inaudible to human ears, the unpleasant piercing noise gets dogs' attention. Ultrasonic correction curtails barking without any physical sensation. Limitations include reduced effectiveness on elderly dogs with hearing loss.

Spray Collars

When activated by barking, spray collars release a jet of water towards your dog's snout, surprising them into silence—a barking session results in progressively more frequent spray corrections. The stimulation is harmless and tails off as barking stops. Spray collars should use battery-heated water to avoid reactions from cold spray.

Ideally you want to find an anti barking collar that offers a combination of strategies. If you are looking for a trusted brand for an anti-bark collar for dogs, then Hidden Fence is for you as it supplies an anti bark collar that employs a combination of strategies including noise warning/distraction, vibration warning/distraction and electronic static stimulations that are fully adjustable with safety cut off features. We have helped thousands of dog owners in Australia correct nuisance barking. We also provide electronic pet containment solutions to prevent cats and dogs from escaping and being injured.

Connect with us today by visiting  www.hiddenfence.com.au/contact to learn more about our products. 

[fresh-widow]

The Preexisting Conditions

Demi-dogs and Republi-cats

Good cop bad cop-

It’s the same

One world order.

Pro fascism

It’s a great cure for

The Pandemonium.

Buy more stay home bot war

Big pharma fake phood are

The preexisting conditions.

All aboard the pandemic ship-

Everyone must do exactly the same

Or it’s just not safe.

One shot two shot red shot blue shot

Absolutely no guarantee.

Sign here_______________.

You’ve handed your life over to

A one size fits for profit corporation

Pre-absolved of any and all liability.

I’d pledge allegiance

To buy more shit but

I believe in vaccinations

I believe in vaccinations that actually work.

I think we should vacumn pack our minds

And seal everything in all the plastic

That we’ve been consuming anyway

I think there should be a spray on solution

Maybe huffing more Lysol

Would help us think of a better one

And what about Round Up

Isn’t it in just about everything?

According to the science

It’s benign, you can drink it.

It’s the secret ingredient in our food

and in our water

Blows holes wide open

In the gut

Mutating the brain.

I think we are are a selfish species

What about all the other species that have gone

Extinct because of our homosapiencentric selves?

Well,

What if we  fix the water the air and the earth first?

Stop poisoning ourselves,

And the plant and animal kingdom

That sustains all life?

Hail Science! We must

Mandate experimental  vaccines for children.

Ruining their immune systems for profit

So that the elderly might live to 110.

Lots more pills  to be sold

To keep the old

Frankensteins alive.

One shot- it’s not as effective as

Two shots. Whoops not good enough.

Three shots? Nah

A shot in the ass daily

Might do the trick and anyway,

The focus is just to get us

Back to to business as usual

With extra surveillance

To  insure the insatiable corporations

Get their extra share

Of mass destruction.

We are so conditioned

To unconvincing half truths and

Conflictingly statistical proof

Via sound bite brain washing blips

Big Science knows

How to keep people buying more shit.

There is only one idea to sell a seat

On the global airplane game.

Hurry up it’s a win all

Or lose everything kind of situation.

Humanity’s strained immune system

Was just discovered by the Frankenstein flu.

Can’t we just buy more shit

To make it all go away?

[gingerontheside]

Ryokan: the Culture experience

As thrilled as I might have been to lounge around the Ryokan and Onsen the entirety of the long weekend, we decided it was for the best to actually go out and explore the area of Shimo-Suwa. It seemed the rural mountain town had a lot to offer in terms of cultural experiences, and who were we to deny ourselves of that?

Armed with a map sporting a "99 Minute Walking Tour of Shimo-Suwa," we ventured out of the Ryokan. I actually found the exact map we used, so feel free to check it out below:

We were on our way! Our first stop was to the side of the Raiko-Ji Buddhist temple, where we followed along the side of a large and beautiful cemetery until we happened upon what seemed to be a very old stone Torii gate. We bowed and entered, finding many shrines that were built in Japan's Edo period along the steep pathway and surrounded by a babbling stream. One of the most surprising shrines was a bright red Torii gate with a shrine that held many tiny statues of cats. This gate had clearly just been repainted, as it was very stark against the old stones that surrounded it.

It was not a great sign that all of us had already begun to feel the steep slopes in our leg muscles, yet we persevered and moved on to the next location. The Nasendo Highway is the path we had chosen to follow, which was high above the town below and provided beautiful views of the mountains and the whole valley. We passed by many beautiful traditional-style houses, and each seemed to have its own shrines set up meticulously in its backyard.

After a bit of walking, we made it to the gates of the Jiun-Ji Temple. It genuinely looked as though passing through the gate was entering another world, as everything was so dreary but through the gates the lush green moss was stark.

Inside, we walked carefully along the stone pathway to view the massive trees that lined the walkway. Inside, the Shrine was actively in use, as we could hear a priest chanting some kind of hymn from inside the main large shrine building. We had to strictly follow the pathway here, as all around us the loose pebbles were carefully arranged into a massive zen garden surrounding each building.

The path led us to a cemetery behind the shrine, where wooden buckets and ladles were located so that if/when a family or friend was visiting, they could cleanse the stones of their loved ones. Sound traveled quite well within the shrine, so we spoke in whispers and stepped very delicately, not wanting to disturb the priest. Down a steep stone staircase from the shrine was the Dragon's spout, where hot spring water always sprayed from a stone dragon's mouth that was carved in the middle Edo period. Though, honestly, it was more of a spittle than a spray of water.

Next, we made our way to the Harumiya Shrine. This shrine was very large and immaculately decorated, though honestly I was most compelled by the massive trees that stood around the shrine and were wrapped in some sort of special rope. I was told by Ash this was done by the priests to keep some form of spirit trapped within the trees they were wrapped on. By the entrance, two elderly attendants were stoking a fire. I'm not entirely sure why they did this, but it did add to the spiritual ambiance.

After exploring Harumiya for a while, we jaunted on over to the Ukashima-sha Shrine, which was very cool as it was located in the middle of a sandbar! Two bright red bridges metal connected the sandbar to the main mainland, which was really fun to run along.

There was construction happening along the waterway, which detracted a bit from the 'natural' beauty of the shine, but nonetheless, the shrine was very cool and it was funky to be surrounded by water on all sides. It gave the shrine a very 'disconnected from the physical world' vibe.

Next to the sandbar was a long walkway, which lead us right to the sight of the Manji Buddha statue. I was really looking forward to seeing this statue, as it was featured in nearly every aspect of the town. In paintings, in warnings, in advertisements, the Buddha was there to greet you. The story of the statue is that, in the Edo period, a sculptor was beginning to carve the stone, when it suddenly began bleeding and the people panicked. Convinced it was sacred, the stone was then carefully carved into the likeness of Amitabha Buddha, with a somewhat humorous appearance of a tiny head with a large nose upon a bulbous body. By the statue were instructions on how to properly pray, which we gave an honest shot. The instructions read; Bow once and say your prayer in your heart, then circle the statue 3 times while chanting the prayer in your heart, then bow once more.

This was the end of our cultural walk, as it then began to rain and it was very cold out so we did not want to linger. On our way back to the Ryokan, we passed by the Gebabashi Bridge, which was the oldest standing wooden structure in Shimo-Suwa. It was shaped like a half moon, aka it was VERY steep. It was cool to see where the bridge once stood, as it was now in the smack middle of a main road.

On our last day in Shimo-Suwa, we finally made our way to the Suwako Watch & Clock museum, a museum that sports the oldest Hydrolyc clock tower in Japan. Shimo-Suwa is known as the birthplace of the modern clock in Japan, so it was only natural that they had a whole museum dedicated to clocks. It was fun to walk around the main museum and see many different forms of clocks dating way back in the day to modern watches, and there were several interactive exhibits that explained how clocks worked, which was informative and fun. The main call of the museum, however, was the world's first fully operational water-powered astronomical clock tower that was in the courtyard.

This clock is over 900 years old (WOAH), and had been refurbished with (kind of creepy) statues to represent the workers that used to remain within the clock tower. We were actually allowed inside the tower, where two staircases lead you from the ground floor (where all of the old tech was), to the second floor, where an astronomical globe was carved with 1314 stars that were known at the time. (..I think. I honestly cannot find the paper that told me the star count)

Each hour, when the clock would chime, the main tower in the center (seen above) would spin with little statues, and little men would strike on drums or on bells. On the right-hand side, two doors would swing open and reveal a wax figure animatronic (again, kind of creepy) that would narrate...something. I don't know Japanese practically at all, so I did not catch what the animatronic was saying, but it was funky.

Our time in Shimo-Suwa had come to an end, and I have this to say: Nowhere in the US can you walk around a tiny town with this much history. Literally, since half of the shrines were made before the US was founded. Isn't that insane??