#Especially after living 17 years in the Empire

[tarasmithshifts]

𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐔𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒 𝐃𝐑: 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐑𝐃 𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐅𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝟏

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐈𝐍 𝐃𝐑. 2 years😭 𝐀𝐆𝐄. 16-17 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏: sirius, remus, james, lily, peter, dorcas, marlene, mainly people from gryffindor and ravenclaw

𝐑𝐄𝐋𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐏 𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐔𝐒. single (5th to the end of 5th year) TAKEN BAHSDHABHAHDB (summer after 5th year - ongoing)

「 ✦ 𝓼𝓽𝓪𝓻𝓽 𝓷𝓸𝓽𝓮𝓼 ✦ 」

okay guys.

this is it. THIS SHIFT IS MY ROMAN EMPIRE. i have so many things to tell about this shift 😭😭😭 so let's get started because this one will be looooooooooooong

i shifted for 2 YEARSSSS WHICH IS SO INSANE like, it's my longest shift ever 😭 the shift is taking place since summer before 5th year to the beginning of 7th

「 ✦ 5th year ✦ 」

𝓽𝓲𝓶𝓮𝓵𝓲𝓷𝓮 - 5𝓽𝓱 𝔂𝓮𝓪𝓻

so, as you probably know what happened during 5th year, i'm gonna tell you my scripted timeline.

august - the nightmare in the noble house of black

october - me, james, sirius became illegal animagus

beginning of december - peter became illegal animagus

may- 'the prank' happened

june - snape worst memory (as i read that it happened AFTER the prank)

june- i confessed my feelings to remus

july - sirius ran away to james

august - I ran away to remus, as walburga used crucius on me as a punishment

ＪＵＬＹ ＆ ＡＵＧＵＳＴ

— ୨୧₊˚ the nightmare in the noble house of black

living in this house wasn't the greatest experience ever 💀 and this summer was literally one of the worst since our beginning of learning in hogwarts. this summer was the first one that walburga used cruciatus on me and sirius. it was kind of torture, also, I hoped that reggie would say something, but he did nothing to stop our parents from doing this shit. ( it wasn't easy, but we still had james, remus, peter to send letters to. during this summer for the first time i thought of running away from this family. but i didn't want to leave regulus, and, even if i run away, where would i go? i didn't have truly anyone, and i didn't want to bother other marauders ( i mean remus especially, he was the closest friend of mine)) she did this because we didn't want to join their lord voldemort kind of cult. sirius and i knew that regulus won't say no to them. we knew that in some time, he''ll become a death eater. as war started in 1970, a lot of muggles where dead, as well as wizards. our parents weren't in voldemort' group, but they were conviced, that voldemort is doing the right thing. before the first day of 5th year, walburga was extra angry. (basically i told her to fuck off of me and sirius. we were abused for years, as this would change anything. we were in gryffindor, i had a friend that was muggle-born, we were friends with potter. nothing would change after their torture on us - emotionally or physically. i mean, this one pissed her off. she locked herself and me in one of the rooms we usually didn't use and you can imagine what happened - this part i have scripted off, as i 'don't remember what happened' i love angst in my drs BUT NOT THIS 💀💀 hell no, i'm not gonna be through more pain) i scripted that sirius knows what happened

ＳＥＰＴＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ 1st day

in the train me and sirius found a cabin as fast as possible, as i wasn't stron enough to walk around the train after the night before yk

we sat, and i kind of fell asleep?? i mean, i was just so tired that i kept my eyes shut the whole way to hogwarts. ten minutes after james, remus, and peter joined us. i didn't say hi or anything, just nodded my head and said something like 'gentelman' LMAO remus sat in front of me and tried to make some eye contact with me, tried to cheer me up, but i was to tired to react. Sirius also changed during this summer. We were both diffrent. boys saw that, james started to ask some questions like "Are you alright?" "How are you?", but sirius cut them and just said "Please, can we pretend like this is normal first day?" GUYS. AND THEN REMUS MOVED HIS LEG CLOSER TO MINE. as some kind of sign that he's sorry, even tho he didn't know what happened. IT WAS SUCH A CUTE INTERACTION AHHHHHHH

well, nothing really happened this month. we were just joking around, and we took care of remus when there was a full moon coming. lily and I became even clloser this time. She knew that i liked remus A LOT but she tried to stay out of this business (haha, she DID NOT. literally because of her i confessed my feeling for remus before him)

i knew that she didn't like what boys were doing with severus, but i did not say 'stop' when they were doing it. i never truly cared until may and june.

also lily and remus became prefects.

ＯＣＴＯＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ me, james and sirius became illegal animaguses

hello!!!!!! WAKE UPPP it's the month when me and marauders FINALLY became animaguses!!!!!!!!!! HELL YEAH

so basically we of course didn't know if the whole 'let's become and animagus' plan is gonna work. it was truly crazy that we did it. well, we didn't show remus anything at first, because peter didn't turn into one at first (he became one in december). My animagus happened to be a black puma, sirius turned into black dog, and james turned into a fucking stag, which was so hilarious like IMAGINE SEEING A HUGE RED STAG COMING OUT OF YOUR BATHROOM

(my animagus right here) ⤸

this was literally so funny, we couldn't believe it. only peter failed first time, but he eventually turned into animagus in december :))

i mean, during the first few months, nothing really happened. boys where doing pranks, me and lily were doing 'girl stuff' as james called it. i also spent a lot of time with remus, and i liked to do it a lot. we both have similar hobbys, and we just liked to spend time with each other. it was fascinating for me. he was fascinating. after this little intreraction we had back on train, something was diffrent between us. i mean, something weird was going on between us for literal years.

ＮＯＶＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ mine and sirius' birthday

and here it is. november. it was the time of the year that i tried to figure out how should we convince remus that we became animaguses for him, and that with this 'skill' we want to help him. we knew that he will say no for this idea, but we were determinated. so we started planning how we want to tell him about the whole 'omg remus look, i'm animagus!' thing. in november, james started to look after lily again. he wanted her to notice him, as me & boys knew he was not obsessed, but he was just in love with her, since early age. but i knew that lily doesn't want to has anything to do with him. well, not for now. he wasn't nice for her friend, severus. she cared about him, he was her closest friend, they knew each other even before hogwarts. so i understood why she was mad at james and ignored him.

੭ ME AND SIRIUS TURNED 16!!! we had a party in gryffindor common room, as we always did. every year we had some kind of party, but this one was HUGE. sirius wanted it to be special for both of us, so he invited people from hufflepuff and ravenclaw that we knew. from james and peter i got CDs and t-shirts of my fav band at the time - Fleetwood Mac and ABBA when i asked them how did they get it, they told me that they stole it LMAO sirius got me some perfumes that he knew i liked. BUT REMUS. oh. my. god.

when party was super loud, a lot of people (i mean james, peter nd sirius mainly) were drunk, i was standing by the wall, just drinking coke and talking to lily. then remus came up to us and asked if he can 'kidnap me' i was... kind of shocked. i said 'yes, of course.' so he asked me to close my eyes and he gave me a bandana, that probably belonged to sirius and covered my eyes, and he told me to go after him. he literally HOLD MY HAND and took me out of the common room. i knew it because he told me to 'be careful' and after the whole screams and party noices vanished. for few minutes we were just walking around the castle, when he finally took the bandana off, and told me to open my eyes.

HE. MADE. GODDAMN. PICNIC. ON. AN. ASTRONOMY TOWER.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND? LET ME SAY THIS ONCE AGAIN

HE. MADE. GODDAMN. PICNIC. ON. AN. ASTRONOMY TOWER.

my heart.

he even got this magical vinyl player (i think that in the movie prisoner of azkaban you can see something like this) AND PLAYED DAVID BOWIE

it was SOOOO BEAUTIFUL the weather was perfect, he even tried to apologise me that he didn't have anything else for me, THIS WAS THE BEST PRESENT EVER. we were just sitting, listening to music and eating snacks. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFUL, and i can confirm, that THIS WAS THE TIME THAT I WAS SURE THAT I AM IN LOVE WITH REMUS FREAKING LUPIN

ＤＥＣＥＭＢＥＲ

— ୨୧₊˚ peter became illegal animagus

christmas time!!! finally!!!

during past like 3,4 months there was a lot of work to do - me and boys became animaguses, school wasn't the best thing too. i liked most of the classes, but herbology was kiling me. i just UGHHH i don't like magical plants ok? i just can't work with plants even in my cr, sooooo it is what it is. for extra classes i took magical theory and study of ancient runes, as i always found it interesting. 5th year is the year when in hogwarts i needed to pass OWLs to get into another year. i wanted to become an auror, so i had a lot of work anyway.

charms and DADA were the easiest classes for me. i even tought peter and james after classes, as sirius was too lazy to do that, and remus was good at it too.

also peter finally became an illegal animagus, so all of us were able to change our form. and finally, we decided how we would tell remus about the whole thing. as a christmas gift (james came up with that and we all thought that this is a good idea)

— ୨୧₊˚ before christmas

CHRISTMAS TIME IS HERE

I LOVE CHRISTMAS AT HOGWARTS it's always so beautiful

me and sirius, as well as remus stayed at hogwarts during christmas.

but before james and peter left, we had a little surprise for remus

we planned the whole thing to be perfect in every detail. we had to do it in secret, of course which was kind of almost impossible. it was christmas time, everyone was giving others present, dormitory was FULL of people, somebody wanted to talk, or somebody wanted to give you presents. lily even locked herself in our dormitory to hide FROM JAMES LMAO

but finally we all got a moment when boys could hide in their dormitory, there transform into animagi and i could go and ask remus if he can go after me. it happened on 16.12.75, two days before full moon.

WELL, HE WAS IN SHOCK.

when we got in, first sirius came out as a black dog, and remus didn't know wth is going on, then peter showed up AND THEN JAMES CAME OUT OF A BATHROOM AS A STAG. i just said "well, we knew that you would protest if we told you, soooo we've done that in secret. we want to help you remus" HE WAS JUST STANDING THERE LIKE THIS 🕴🕴🕴 the only thing he said was "oh my god" then he turned to me and said "you too?" and i nodded. then boys turned into human form and james started talking why we did that, that we want to help remus during full moons, taking care of him and watching on him in shrieking shack. in animal form he wouldn't see human beings in us, just other animals. well, remus didn't like the idea. but we proved our right.

੭ 2 days later, when full moon came, we went after remus to whomping willow, and spent whole night with him. we took care that he wouldn't harm himself like he did before. and guess what? we were right. when he turned bck into a human form, we needed to go back to hogwarts before pomfrey would find us. when we met him at the hospital wing, he said that "on merlin's beard, you were right" and since then, we took turns, one time me and sirius spent time with him, once james and peter, other time just me, once me and james etc. and it was working!

— ୨୧₊˚ christmas

this year me and sirius didn't come back home for christmas, even tho' regulus tried to convince us, we said no. james, peter and lily went home, so me, sirius and remus were entirely alone. from gryffindor only we stayed in hogwarts. but we had fun!!

for christmas i got remus a moon calendar, as i know he didn't have one (i scripted that pomfrey was checking on moons then), so he could be warned about full moons coming. he was still kind of mad about us becoming animagi, but i knew that it wouldn't last long. he knew that no matter what we would help him, even if he said 'no'.

for sirius i contacted andromeda to send me new AC/DC album, so i got him a vinyl :)) (album is called T.N.T. and came out 1 december 1975 if you wonder!)

remus stayed because his father wasn't home anyways, so he just stayed at hogwarts

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ OKAY SO IM HERE TO EXPLAIN SOMETHING ABOUT LUPIN FAMILY LOREEE

okay. about mother of remus (hope lupin) i scripted that yes, she's a muggle, she was an opera singer but died when remus was young boy. about his father - lyall lupin - he was a wizard, i scripted that he was in ravenclaw and worked in ministry of magic at department for the regulation and control of magical creatures, because of that he was usually very busy he left contry even for month, so yup :( and that he died during 1st war. i think that making remus' mother an opera singer was kind of beautiful, later on, during the war he listens to her records at 12 grimmuald place and at home that we live in :)) (i will make a playlist with music that she recorded/operas that she performed in)

okay that's all about his family, i will tell more in another post :))

ANYWAY let's get back!

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

— ୨୧₊˚ new year's eve

during new year's eve, me, sirius and remus went to astronomy tower as may students did, dumbledore told us that we can party and that we can go there, but he hoped we wouldn't do anything stupid. also, severus snape stayed that year at hogwarts, so of course sirius couldn't stop himself from doing something stupid. when he was trying to prank him, me and remus stayed at astronomy tower and looked at the stars, as well as we did back in november <333 we talked about how he should not be mad at us at accept the fact that we are trying to help him, and then we were stuck in some situation that was just... awkward. i mean, he said that he understand us and he knows that he won't stop us... but i mean, i wanted to kiss this man so badly. like GODDAMN HOW MANY MONTHS DO I NEED TO WAIT

it was cute until sirius came back out of nowhere at just stood behind us and said "ok, now kiss" LMAO it was so awkward

but we made it! we made it to 1976... which was CRAZY

ＪＡＮＵＡＲＹ, ＦＥＢＲＵＡＲＹ, ＭＡＲＣＨ ＡＮＤ ＡＰＲＩＬ

during these months, we were stuck on studying to OWLs, but what happened was some birthdays and full moons of course.

in january there was first full moon when sirius and peter was around remus when he transformed into a werewolf. sirius and james even made up cover names for us based on our animagi form.

james happened to be prongs, peter was wormtail, sirius was padfoot, i was fang, which i didn't like, but it stayed with me for years, and remus was moony. at first we both didn't like this, but when we started using those names it felt okay. so it stayed like this.

also, in january there was lily's birthday! i got her a silver necklace that she told me she wanted before summer '75, james of course wanted to ask her on a date, she of course said no :( but he still got her flowers and her favourite chocolates from hogsmeade :))

in february, on valentines day, he also was super crazy about her. he was just running around gryffindor common room, not knowing what should he get her, but finally sirius told him to 'calm yourself and try to talk to her like you aren't a psychopath" well, it didn't work either.

i also felt like i want to give something remus for valentines, but i was too scared to do anything 💀💀💀 so i just locked myself in a dormitory and stayed there for whole day, especially day later full moon was there, so remus also stayed for the whole saturday in his dormitory.

in february james and peter stayed with remus during full moon

in march and april nothing really happened, we were just studying for OWLs that were very close, but still james, pter, and sirius got a detention from mcgonagall after they blew up her office 💀💀💀 me and remus stayed out of this kind of business 💀 and thanks to god for that

in march me and james stayed with remus, in april - sirius and peter

ALSOOOO in march remus and james had their birthdays!!!

for remus i got a necklace that was sun-shaped, and i showed him, that i had similar one - but moon-shaped. and guess what HE WORE IT ALL THE TIME, WHENEVER HE COULD. i noticed it after some weeks but still. like, boys were making fun of him because of that, they even called him 'girlypop' LMAO it was funny sometimes, even for remus but some of the times he was so tired of this that he just told them to 'shut up' and then he just went away from them, sometimes to sit with me in common room, sometimes to library.

for james i had mini version of his broom that he owned. it could even fly around the room :)) there was also a party, we did only one but big one :))

AND HERE WE ARE.

ＭＡＹ

ekhm, ekhm, ekhm... prepare yourself

— ୨୧₊˚ the prank

the prank in my dr is... a crazy domino effect

let's start from the beginning, and let's get through this situation as SLOW as possible.

so,

⋆｡°✩┊3 days before the prank

remus felt more pain because of full moon than he ever did. he stayed in bed, because he didn't want to go to pomfrey, he didn't want to show his weakness at that moment. he locked himself from us, but peter found a way throuhj some holes in walls as an animagi.

so we had eyes on him, even when he didn't want us to.

sirius also started acting... diffrently. i noticed that quickly, like, i'm his sister, we are twins 💀 so i notice things like this fast. he planned something. i knew that. but i didn't care, as i thought that this would be another stupid idea by sirius black. how wrong i was...

⋆｡°✩┊day before the prank

remus was with pomfrey that day. we didn't see him, as pomfrey told us not to do, even when james started literally fighting over it, but she still said no.

during the day, when we were after classes, and we were in common room, i couldn't find sirius there. which was weird, 'cause he always sat with boys in dormitory or in common room. i had to return his books before OWLs that had place next day, and he wanted them back. but i didn't find them. also, this full moon me and james should take care of moony during this night, but prongs was getting sick. i knew that he was also tired from learning to pass OWLs, so i offered that only i would go that night. he protested at first, but finally agreeded. i told him to just go to sleep and rest. i mean, my animagi is puma, so i would be okay, i mean, that's what i thought

⋆｡°✩┊the night when the prank happened

everything was okay at first. as usual, i waited for a bit, so pomfrey would take remus to shrieking shack and come back to hogwarts. that's when we went in our animagi form to whomping willow. and that's what i did too. when i got into shrieking shack, moony was already in his werewolf form. it didn't happen often. i mean, usually we got couple more minutes before he transform. but it didn't happen that day. i felt that he was nervous, even angry at some point, more than usual. so i just got into my sleeping position, and even fell asleep. at first remus was fighting himself, but stopped very quickly. he was calm, layed in the floor. when we were both laying down, after like an hour?? maybe?? something happened. moony suddenly raised his head. but i felt the same thing as he did. someone was outside. i thought it was james, so i stood up and just walked to the spot where i could see the person that was at the time walking down the stairs.

everything happened in seconds.

when i saw severus snape standing at the door, in a milisecond remus stood up and i knew what would happen next. he wanted to atack snape. i felt how he got angry. why didn't severu ran? but when i saw remus getting ready to jump to him, i didn't think twice. i turned into my human form again, and in a blink of an eye i was standing between moony and severus. BUT HE WAS STILL STANDING THERE. like why didn't he run?? i shouted to him, to go find somebody, dumbledore, mcgonagall, or pomfrey, but he was still standing there, too scared to even move an inch. then remus attacked us. i used basic spell to get rid of him for a second, but i knew that it made him angry even more. i shouted 'go' to severus. it finally moved him, and he ran away. i hoped that he would get somebody before something happens.

he attacked me more aggressively, than before. i didn't want to use more hard spells, 'cause i knew that i would hurt him. iwould hurt moony. remus.

so i didn't attack. i just casted spells that would help me protect myself, well, it worked 'till he didn't even see the spells. he just ignored them. like i was just, you know, just a girl that was standing on his way for his food. then it happened. he took a swing and his claws landed on my neck and cheek.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚ ANOTHER EXPLAINATION HEREEEEEE

so, when i first created this dr, as a faceclaimi took sophie thatcher, and it stayed like that BUTTT in first 'design' of me i had scars. scars are beautiful. all of the scars have their own story, through scars you can see what someone was going through. and, well the idea stayed with me. but, i wanted the scars to have history, as every scar have one, yk :) sooooo i scripted that i have scars on the right side of my face, on my cheek. then the right side of my neck, and then, a little bit lower on my right hand, forearm, etc., so, as scripted i needed get those from somewhere... and the prank is one of those situations that when i was creating my first script for this dr, i thought 'hell yes, this is THE moment' so, here we are. with a little bit of angst coming in, let's get going :))

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

so also i just scripted a 'huge pain' etc. out of my dr, so i just felt a scratch, like nothing really happened.

as soon as this happened, somebody came into the shrieking shack. it was dumbledore and pomfrey, and after them i saw james. he was about to help pomfrey to take my out of there. dumbledore tried to calm down moony. i think i kind of fell asleep? passed out or smth? idk , i just woke up in the hospital wing. remus was sitting next to me, asleep. when pomfrey saw that i'm awake, she came and gave me some meds, she asked how do i feel and told me what happened, even tho i remembered. she also told that remus refused to move from hospital wing untill i woke up :((

when he finally woke up, i said something that was suppose to be 'hey' but sounded more like 'ghrb', LMAO that's bc wounds on my neck. but, it quickly vanished

well... and now the rollarcoaster is coming.

he said, that sirius told severus about whomping willow and the spell that you cast to go to shrieking shack. what he didn't know was that i was alone there. that james stayed in the dormitory for night. it was around midnight when sirius woke james up and started mumbling something like 'why are you here', 'isn't it your turn today?' james started to try to calm sirius down, he waken up peter too. they started talking with him, about what happened, when he finally said that he told severus about remus, james panicked. 'he just shouted something like 'tara is there. alone' sirius looked as if he had seen a ghost. when james left the dormitory, he went to pomfrey to wake her up. when he was on his way, he bumped into severus. both of them was going for someone. severus went to dumbledore, and james to pomfrey. severus stayed in castle, and james went with professors to help them bringing me back to hogwarts. rest of the story i knew.

well, i was in quite shock. SIRIUS. S I R I U S

and i connected the dots too. what he was doing when i couldn't find him.

remus wasn't looking at me when he spoke. and when he spoke again, he also wasn't looking.

teachers didn't know that we were animagis, so james lied to dumbledore about how did i end up there. that i figured out about sirius' plan before boys. and that i went there alone. james told that version to severus and other marauders. also remus.

i was kind of getting ignored by him? i mean, he wasn't looking at him. i was ANNOYED by this. so, even with the 'thing' with my voice, it was better this time. i told him to look at me. he DIDN'T. bro. why the fuck. then i said it again. when he finally looked at me, his eyes were teary. HELL NAH. he literally cried. about what happened. he was BRRRRROKEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEN. about what happened. he knew what he had done while being in his werewolf form. and he didn't want to look at me because of that. hell. no.

i said, that it's not his fault. that i don't want him to be sorry. and, oh god why, he literally SHOUTED at me 😭 that i have no idea, that he destroyed me, that he almost killed me. that he made me ugly. he literally used that word. UGLY. so i said that he have wounds too. that they are not making him ugly. that he is even more beautiful because of that. so then he just got up and left. GOT UP AND LEFT.

and how am i supposed to react bro. HOW.

in big summary, after him dumbledore came in. he told me that he sent an owl to my parents. he didn't tell the truth tho. he needed to lie about this situation, as also my parents were anti-werewolfes yk. he also told me that 'mr lupin is mad at your brother, and he's ignoring your other friends. he blame himself about what happened. and about what happened to you.' he just told me that he needs to take points from gryffindor, but i shouldn't feel that it's because of me. 'and even mr snape won't say that, he is thankful. you can stay here for some days. poppy will probably force you to stay until the wounds heal.' well, i heard pomfrey say that those wounds will stay with me forever, as scars, but it was okay. as i said scars are BEAUTIFUL and in that moment i knew that. they didn't make me ugly. they didn't destroy me. i was still me. scars only made me more visible. more me.

about my OWLs - i did pass them, dumbledore proposed me another deadline. i left hopsital wing after a week. pomfrey healed my wounds as much as possible, but as she said, these are magical wounds, and they won't vanish from my body. they will stay with me as scars.

ＪＵＮＥ

for two weeks after the prank i still have trouble with speaking, but with potions from pomfrey it . me & marauders passed OWLs, so we are kind of celebrating :))

andddddd here we are

— ୨୧₊˚ i finally confessed my feeling to remus

so let's just go STRAIGHT to this moment 'cause i wanted to share this with you for literal month LMAOOO

okay.

here we go.

everything started after like a month after may accident?? something around that.

remus was still mad at sirius, so was i. i mean, yes, he was my brother, but yes, he did what he did. and he will not run away from that. but after all he literally was stalking me to check if i'm okay, brang me potions from pomfrey, which was very nice from him, and i knew that he had done that because he was kind of stupid LMAO i think you know what i'm talking about. he didn't think about consequences of that :( remus sat separately from us. and in june, i got rid of that, and sat in front of him. he didn't talk to me, didn't even look at me. i was angry of course. he was my best friend, and he just stoped talking to me, because of what sirius had done. at the time my wounds were healed and i didn't wear any bandage or something - it wasn't necessary. and yes, as i said before, i have scars as i meant in the beggining of creating this dr. he wanted to go away, but when he stood up, i thought that maybe we just need to talk face to face, without anybody around us. So i said his name, he stopped for a second. I said something like 'can we talk at the astronomy tower tonight at midnight?' BUT HE DIDN'T EVEN NOD OR SOMETHING. like goddamn, why. but ANYWAY, he just walked away back to dormitory, and i hoped that he will show up (like i do not have it scripted LMAO)

okay so let's move on.

i stayed up all night nd just before midnight i got myself up and went to astronomy tower, hoping that he would be there. HMHMHM GUESS WHAT.

he was there.

he was already there when i came PLSSSSS

he was standing back to me, i didn't see his face or something, so i just stood next to him, and when he like didn't talk, i started explaining to him, that all of this that happened wasn't his fault. (well at some point it was also mine, i didn't defend myself as i could just because i didn't want to hurt him lol) and then i saw that he cried??? LITERALLY CRIED??? so i just shut up and we stayed in silence. AND THEN THERE IS T H I S PART. I LITERALLY SCIPTED ALL OF THIS (as i love that i do not script almost anything that people are saying, it's kind of funny sometimes, but here i scripted THE WHOLE THING WE WERE SAYING LMAO) so basiclly he said: 'I hurted you. The marks humans leave are too often scars. And the worst pain for me is, that i know i did this to you.' AND HERE HE FINALLY LOOKED AT ME. “Pain is temporary, but quitting lasts forever. I do not want you to leave because of that. I need you, remus. I don't care about this. I didn't care and i won't care untill i die. You would've never done that, and you know that. Do not seperate from me please, because this is what could make me feel worse. That you don't want to see me, touch me, speak to me." (i said) and there we stayed silence and i knew what i said. I LITERALLY CONFESSED MY FEELINGS TO HIM. so i kept going with this "You are closer to me than James or Peter, you know that. And i think i..." (here was a dramatic pause ofc lmao) "I think i feel something diffrent to you than to them. i don't know how to say this" Basiclly i started to stress and started mumbling, and he was still looking at me. AND THEN THIS HAPPENED.

REMUS FUCKING LUPIN KISSED ME GUYS

LET'S CELEBRATE OMG KJSDFHKJSHFKJSHDFKJDSFBSKDF

he said "You have no idea how i struggled to keep myself away from you."

MY HEART

MY.

HEART.

I AM STILL IN SHOCK OKAY. IT'S BEEN A MONTH AND THIS IS ALL I THINK ABOUT.

(and all of this wouldn't happen without lily, she literally told me 'she'i will kill you if you do not talk to him right now' so i guess she is a mother of this success here)

THE END OF PART 1

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴇʟᴠᴇᴛ - marauders dr playlist

“ɪ ꜱᴏʟᴇᴍɴʟʏ ꜱᴡᴇᴀʀ ᴛʜᴀᴛ ɪ ᴀᴍ ᴜᴘ ᴛᴏ ɴᴏ ɢᴏᴏᴅ.” - my little mixtape

'ᴍʏ ᴍᴜᴍ ᴡᴀꜱ ᴀɴ ᴏᴘᴇʀᴀ ꜱɪɴɢᴇʀ, ʏᴀ ᴋɴᴏᴡ?' - hope lupin

ʙʟᴀᴄᴋ ᴠᴇʟᴠᴇᴛ - pinterest board

ੈ✩‧₊˚༺☆༻ੈ✩‧₊˚

WRITING THIS WAS A TORTUREEEEEEEEEEE it took me whole month i'm so sorry that i update it rn. i also need to edit this because i made a lot of mistakes LMAO, so pls don't come after me if i misspelled some words or changed from past to present lmao

but yup. Part 2 will come sooner i promise <3

[pacountry-madrid]

🇪🇸🇺🇸 American independence cost the Spanish 33 ships, 9,000 crew members and 1,200 cannons.

These maneuvers were a vitally important factor in guaranteeing the independence of the North American colonies.

The phrase that gives its name to the title was written by the Naval Commander of Tenerife D. Luis Marcial García Rebollo in a published article dedicated to the figure of Antonio de Ulloa.

It seemed curious to me to see in figures what the Spanish Navy sacrificed to intercept and annul the most powerful war machine of the time: the Royal Navy.

The Royal Navy wrecked by the Spanish fleet

The British Navy (Royal Navy) was a key piece for the British Empire and was destroyed by our fleet, a huge aid orchestrated by Admirals Juan de Lángara (especially in the Azores area) or Luis de Córdova literally sweeping— the Canal of the English Mancha.

These maneuvers were a vital factor in guaranteeing the independence of the 13 “English” colonies.

Luis de Córdova alone seized some 55 British ships bound for the 13 colonies. Its economic value is believed to have exceeded 4 million pounds at the time, something that would surely ruin the London economy (although it was never admitted) Exchange Alley plummeted.

In addition, in the article, he attached a table with the units that were lost, which is what we are going to share with you. A list that Josá María Lancho also shared for ABC a few years ago. The figures serve to give us an idea:

SPANISH SHIPS LOST BY THE INDEPENDENCE OF THE UNITED STATES

Year 1779:

Ship El Poderoso 64 guns (500 men)

Frigate Santa Monica 32 guns (232 men)

Frigate Santa Margarita 32 guns (232 men)

Year 1780:

Frigate Santa Marta 38 guns (232 men)

Ship San José 70 guns (539 men)

Ship El Fénix 80 guns (539 men)

70-gun Monarch ship (539 men)

Ship El Diligente with 70 guns (539 men)

Princesa ship with 70 guns (539 men)

Ship Guipúzcoa 70 guns (539 men)

Ship Santo Domingo 70 guns (539 men)

Ship San Julian 70 guns (539 men)

Ship San Carlos 50 guns (480 men)

San Juan Bautista brig with 12 guns (75 men)

Year 1781:

Frigate Leocadia 34 guns (232 men)

Frigate Santa Catalina 32 guns (232 men)

Frigate La Graña 26 guns (232 men)

Frigate Tallapiedra 21 guns (232 men)

Frigate Paula Primera 21 guns (232 men)

Frigate Pastora 21 guns (232 men)

Frigate San Cristóbal 17 guns (175 men)

Brigantine Príncipe Carlos 17 guns (175 men)

Brigantine San Juan 9 guns (75 men)

Brigantine Paula Segunda 9 guns (75 men)

Brigantine Santa Ana 9 guns (75 men)

Brigantine Dolores 7 guns (75 men)

Year 1782:

Ship San Miguel 74 guns (539 men)

Perpetual frigate 34 guns (232 men)

Frigate Santa Catalina 30 guns (232 men)

Begoña fireship (no data)

Sloop Natalia 12 guns (75 men)

Year 1783:

Ship El Dragón 60 guns (500 men)

Frigate Las dos Catalinas 34 guns (232 men)

CONCLUSIONS:

It is clear that without Spanish intervention —with thousands of Spanish lives sacrificed— the nation that would have emerged after the independence of those 13 colonies would have been very different. I don't know if better or worse...

[1-800-helltalia]

If it’s alright to ask can I know more about your OC?

OMG of course!

My OC is the personification of the Grand Duchy of Draostein, a fictional country I created just for the sole purpose of making a Hetalia OC.

Draostein is a small island nation a few miles off of Germany’s northern coast, near Denmark. I don’t have much else when it comes to the geography of the country yet, but I’m open for suggestions!

Anyway, Draostein’s human name is Remismund Bruns, formerly Beilschmidt— he informally changed his surname in the early 1950s.

Draostein was a state of the German Empire up until the November Revolution; a year after, in 1919, he declared independence. Remi spent his early life living with Germany, who’s technically his father. In any case, though, he looked up to Ludwig a lot. He honestly put this man on a pedestal, so he was heartbroken after WW2. (Feel free to correct me if I have any historical inaccuracies here btw, I did my research but I’m not perfect)

This is the design I have for his flag, I’m not exactly a graphic designer so it’s just a recolored, slightly edited Wirmer flag:

Personality-wise, Remi’s an oujidere. On first impression, he’s a stuck-up, snooty asshole. On second impression… nothing really changes, actually. He’s impatient, rather childish, and will say anything to save face. This holier-than-thou attitude stems from the betrayal and heartbreak he felt back during WW2 and the subsequent development of a superiority complex. He looks down on the other nations (especially Germany), even though he doesn’t have the room to. The only exception to this is Luxembourg, whom he considers an equal due to his status as a grand duchy.

Remi is also… painfully out of touch with the world, despite being a younger nation. He considers himself to be "too good for the Internet” and is so unwilling to learn how to use technology that he's managed to lock himself out of his own cellphone for the next century. Outside of world meetings, the only ways other nations can contact him are via snail mail or telegram.

A few other things about him:

His birthday is October 13.

His favorite foods are schnitzel and chocolate. He also loves French fries, but only enjoys them in private, as he thinks potatoes are “peasant food.”

His favorite drink is seltzer water. Red flag.

He’s embarrassed himself during world meetings on multiple occasions, but refuses to admit it.

Physically, he’s 17-18 years old and 5’8”.

Aside from a concept design that I made in a dollmaker, I don’t have any colored art of him yet. I do have a few doodles of him though! (plus a bonus America and Iceland)

That’s all I got of him for now, thank you so much for asking anon!

[jpitha]

Just a Little Further 21

Part 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20

Fine. I admit it.

The Royal Dawn is a really nice hotel.

And the best part is, after my... demonstration to the Administrative offices today, I didn't have to order the Hotel to give us some rooms! They just offered rooms to us the minute we walked in!

I was given 'The Empress Suite.' I giggled at the name. I wonder if this had something to do with the royal retinue back in the day. Between the opulence, the name, and the theme it feels possible.

It is possible. There was always more than the Throne for you and your retinue. Every Starbase competed to offer you the most luxurious accommodations. After all, if you didn't like them, you could just rest on your starship.

My room - my suite of rooms actually - are easily the nicest place I've slept in my entire life. I made sure Omar, Ava, Um'reli and I each had our own rooms and while I'm glad that they have their own space, I'm too used to being around other people in the close quarters of FarReach or Starbases back home. I rattle around the rooms opening cabinets and drawers until I see it in the corner near a window overlooking the promenade.

They have a bath here!

It's made of some kind of golden flecked white stone, and is carved to look like it was weathered by the wind and water over millions of years. I figure out the taps, and set a bath going.

Once it's finished, I take off my outfit - Ugh, I wish I packed, this is my only clothes unless I use the Nanites to make more - and slip into the bath. It's blissfully relaxing.

I'm laying back in the tub, just floating, and I wish Ava was here with me.

Where did that come from?

I think for a split second about calling her in, but decide against it. I'm sure she'd come running if I called, I'm sure she'd be... enthusiastic about it, but I don't think I'm ready yet. I comfort myself with the thought, and soak for nearly an hour.

After, I dry and climb into the bed naked. I'll deal with clothes tomorrow.

More wild dreams.

My ship, operated and led by my most trusted Builder, Aeche, carries us to her prized Starbase. Built on her order for me, it's beautiful. She takes me on a tour, and we visit all of the highlights. She is especially proud of the transit system, the largest off planet in the Empire.

A team of 10 Builders live and work at the Reach operating in shifts to make sure all the needs of the residents and builders that live here are taken care of. It's one of the most complex Starbases yet and one of the most impressive.

That night, she comes to my rooms while I'm in the bath. She asks to join me, and I accept. For her, this is a culmination of months of jockeying and positioning to catch my eye, it's the realization of a goal years in the making.

For me, it's a fun night. She is easy on the eyes though, I see no harm in keeping her around for a while.

The next day, she leads me to the Throne. The only larger one exists back home on Imperia and I get the impression that this one is smaller only out of courtesy.

Sitting upon the Throne, with a full contingent of Builders behind me, I'm able to instantly take stock of my Empire. Things are going well. There are new reports from the frontier, and I set them to my ship, Worldshaker, so I have something to read while en route to the K'laxi.

This is the last stop before I go see the K'laxi, turn their Gate back on and remind them what the price of insubordination is. Worldshaker is getting reprovisioned and refreshed as the trip is longer than normal and I want to make sure we can stay a while if needed. On my way out, I'll touch the Gate, and commit an upload.

That night, Aeche visits me again, and we have more fun. After, we go to bed and I lay awake thinking about next steps. Aeche sighs and rolls over in her sleep next to me. I stroke her hair gently. Yes, things are going quiet well. It's nice to have some quiet.

I wake up in my bed, alone, in the hotel room, fully myself again. Not only was that the most... idyllic dream I've had yet, it's the first that I felt like it was me doing the things, not some other Empress.

Yes, the Nanites are doing well. You can probably integrate with the Throne if you were to try. It's up to you however. But remember you told The Smell of Soil after Rain to bring everyone today. We should head over there.

Hmm Good point. Okay, let's get up, get dressed, grab everyone and head over. I look over at my outfit from yesterday. It's nice, and it's impressive, but if I'm going to be presenting as Empress to everyone, I need something... more.

I concentrate and think about what would be right. I don't think about specifics, I let the Nanites take my whims into consideration and see what I get. The fog cloud of them surrounds me and my outfit from yesterday and I when they finish I turn and look in the mirror near the bath.

I'm still in royal blue - good, I like that color - but the outfit now is a... strapless ball gown? It's rather severely low cut - I wonder if that's from dreaming about Aeche - and the dress clings on the top half and billows and flows on the lower half and ends in sparking stars and nebulae on a train that flows behind me, rippling gently as if a breeze is blowing it. I check and... yes, it's not touching the ground. That's a neat trick. I'm wearing taller heels than yesterday too, but at least they're comfortable - for now. It's not something that Lieutenant Mullen would ever wear, but it seems... right for Empress Melody The First. I'll roll with it. In deference to who I am, there is a way to mount my rifle on my back. I click it in place and feel complete. I wonder how many Empresses were armed?

Many were. We even have records of a few who would carry a battle rifle with them.

That brings me some happiness. Even after how different we are, there are still some things that I share with Empresses across time.

As I open the door to leave, I see Omar, Ava and Um'reli in the hall already dressed and ready. They turn to see me and Ava and Um'reli both gasp and blush. Omar grins wickedly. "Melody, I have to say that this is the first time since you told us you were an Empress that you look the part. That is an amazing outfit."

I curtsy slightly "Thank you Omar. Did you all sleep well? I have a hunch with the Nanites you had... intense dreams?"

Ava snaps her had up to me. "I did! I dreamt that I was running a Starbase. We were preparing for your visit and I had so much to do, but I knew how to do all of it, and I had a really strong team, and you complimented our readiness when you arrived!"

Um'reli looks at me with an odd expression. "I did too, but... I dreamt I was a human. A Builder. I was operating a Starship, the Sunrunner. We were tasked by you directly to tour the frontier worlds and build a report about how they were doing, if they needed anything and if we thought there was any unrest. We were very proud because you had personally asked for us."

"What about you Omar?" Ava turns and looks at him.

"Yeah, I had a vivid dream. I dreamt that I was a planetary administrator. I ruled over more than a billion people on a world with two suns. One was white and the other was larger and redder. I remember clearly the odd shadows it cast, and how everything had an odd coloration. You had requested an increase in the delivery of Magnesium. We were able to meet the new quota this time, but I was worried that if you had requested to keep the quote high, how we would be able to make it without overworking the miners."

"Wow, so not only did you dream about being a Builder, not only did you dream about being a powerful Builder, but you all were in direct contact with the Empress. I wonder if that's because you received your Nanites from me directly."

"Who knows?" Um'reli looks at all of us. "But I for one am starving. Let's get some breakfast and go back to the Throne. Melody has a performance to give."

We head downstairs and sure enough there is a restaurant attached to the Hotel. We sit down and immediately I ask for a carafe of boiling hot water to be brought. While we wait, I take out my hand grinder and scale and make some coffee. By the time the water arrives, everything is ready. The Mariens who brought me the water is watching curiously as I make the coffee. Soon enough, it's finished, and I take the first sip of coffee in nearly three days.

Ahh, now, I can rule.

"Pardon my asking, Empress, but what is that?" The Mariens points to my beverage.

"It's called coffee. It's the roasted seed of a plant that's native to the planet we lived on. I like to drink an extraction of it made with boiling water. It does have a chemical, called caffeine, that offers a stimulant effect to Hu-Builders, but we've found it to be toxic to other Sapients, like our friends the K'laxi here. You can smell it if you'd like though." I hold out the cup.

The Mariens leans in and gently inhales. They lean back sharply and look at me. "That smells amazing." Their body language expresses wonder. "Truly, the Builders do amazing things. Now, what will you be having for breakfast?"

We order and eat and walk towards the Throne. As we're walking this time, people are not ignoring us. Children wave, people follow us with their eyes. They don't seem to be fearful of us, more respectful this time. As we turn a corner, I see Rapid River Roaring and The Smell of the Ocean. They look worse for wear. Both of them have matted feathers, even a few bare spots. Wild eyed they're looking around. River is clutching a bag of some kind.

Uh oh.

They turn and see me. Relief washes over them and they run up to me "Empress! My Empress!" They both approach me and bow low, head touching the ground. "We have completed your task. We have found Vivvix and Zemmlin and brought them to you."

Ava looks around. "But, where are they?"

I know where they are.

River opens the bag they're carrying.

Inside are most of Vivvix and Zemmlin.

"I see..." I try to not look unsettled. Omar's face darkens and he turns away. Ava look in and nods, satisfied. Um'reli doesn't look in, but she isn't unsettled by this development either.

Well. What's done is done. "I would have preferred they be brought to me alive, but my fault for not specifying that. Where were they?"

"The cowards were hiding in the docks. They were attempting to board another ship and catch up to that traitor, Ottarn. We were able to surprise them, and carried out your order, Empress."

"Yes, I can see that. Er, thank you both for your hard work. Go to High Line and find Starlight on a Moonless Evening. After this presentation, I plan on visiting the ship to assess it for refitting.

They both bow again. "Empress."

Part 22

[le-trash-prince]

Okay here is the final list of all the books I’ve finished this year! (since it doesn’t look like I’m going to get anything finished or even started this week.)

I tend to not finish things if I’m not enjoying them (two exceptions on this list because sometimes I am spiteful), so I liked all of these—but the ones in bold are those I particularly loved (I only bolded one per series or it would just be a wall of The Murderbot Diaries lol).

LGBT+ books read: 48

wlw books read: 22

trans/nb books: 17

I’m very happy with my year in reading. I hit my new year’s goal of 52 books finished. And I read a lot of things that I really fucking loved. Lots of robots. LOTS of scifi/fantasy sapphics which I am SO happy about. Some good horror, some good fucky “romances”. A lot of things written in response to the Trump era or written during 2020 lockdown.

I also enjoyed partaking in online book fandom for the first time in possibly ever! Especially Murderbot fandom, which is very active and creative and lovely.

(If you followed me for my bookblogging, thank you for enduring my Thai BL vroom vroom omegaverse brainrot. It will not be stopping anytime soon.)

For 2024, I am going to keep my goal at 52 books and save any extra time I have for rereading old things.

Anyways the list, for posterity:

After Midnight: A History of Independent India by Meghaa Gupta

The Old Place by Bobby Finger

Ocean’s Echo by Everina Maxwell

The Memory Librarian by Janelle Monae

Women and Girls With Autism Spectrum Disorder by Sarah Hendrickx

A Restless Truth by Freya Marske

Unmasking Autism by Devon Price

Divergent Mind by Jenara Nerenberg

Even Though I Knew the End by C.L. Polk

Strictly No Heroics by B. L. Radley

Love after the End edited by Joshua Whitehead

Juniper Harvey and the Vanishing Kingdom by Nina Varela

All Systems Red by Martha Wells

The Witch and the Vampire by Francesca Flores

Artificial Condition by Martha Wells

Rogue Protocol by Martha Wells

Exit Strategy by Martha Wells

Network Effect by Martha Wells

The Order of the Pure Moon Reflected in Water by Zen Cho

The Lies of the Ajungo by Moses Ose Utomi

Flux by Jinwoo Chong

Burning Roses by S. L. Huang

In the Lives of Puppets by T. J. Klune

Fugitive Telemetry by Martha Wells

No One Will Come Back For Us by Premee Mohamed

The Kaiju Preservation Society by John Scalzi

What Moves the Dead by T. Kingfisher

The Black Tides of Heaven by Neon Yang

The Luminous Dead by Caitlin Starling

The Witch King by Martha Wells

A Day of Fallen Night by Samantha Shannon

We Could Be So Good by Cat Sebastian

Last Dance on the Starlight Pier by Sarah Bird

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree

Galveston’s Maceo Family Empire by T. Nicole Boatman et al

Blood Sweat & Chrome: The Wild and True Story of Mad Max Fury Road by Kyle Buchanan

A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers

A Prayer for the Crown-Shy by Becky Chambers

Gideon the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Galveston’s Red Light District: A History of the Line by Kimber Fountain

Astrid Parker Doesn’t Fail by Ashley Herring Blake

In the Vanisher’s Palace by Aliette de Bodard

The Red Scholar’s Wake by Aliette de Bodard

Harrow the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

Linghun by Ai Jiang

Nona the Ninth by Tamsyn Muir

A Snake Falls to Earth by Darcie Little Badger

The Salvation Gambit by Emily Skrutskie

Spear by Nicola Griffith

The Mimicking of Known Successes by Malka Older

Last to Leave the Room by Caitlin Starking

Light From Uncommon Stars by Ryka Aoki

The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri

The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri

The Jinn-Bot of Shantiport by Samit Basu

Killers of the Flower Moon: The Osage Murders

A Power Unbound by Freya Marske

The Salt Grows Heavy by Cassandra Khaw

Sing for the Coming of the Longest Night by Iona Datt Sharma & Katherine Fabian

System Collapse by Martha Wells

Silver Nitrate Silvia Moreno-Garcia

Whalefall by Daniel Kraus

We Set the Dark on Fire by Tehlor Kay Mejia

Out There Screaming edited by Jordan Peele

[drumlincountry]

I’m sorry you’re feeling so down about finding a community to write with. :( I’ve had some really similar struggles the past few years after moving to a new place—it’s SO HARD to know where to start (and unfortunately I’m still trying to figure it out, so this is more an ask to express sympathy than offer solutions).

If it’s not too weird to ask/you don’t mind talking about it, what kind of stuff do you gravitate toward for writing?

Thank you for this lovely message!!

uhhhh what DO I write. Well. In the spirit of Anne Boyer's Not Writing, currently:

I'm not writing a short story set in historical rural ireland which uses the tradition of lifting stones to explore themes about disability, masculinity, and (of course) transgenderism.

I'm not writing a two-person, one-room play called The Immortal Irishman which is about cowardice and trauma and the experience of living through Interesting Times.

I'm not writing a YA novel about a deeply closeted 17 year old figuring out she's queer during Ireland's 2015 marriage equality referendum. I particularly wish i was writing this one because I interviewed quite a few people who were queer teens not of voting age during the referendum & the experience fucking sucked. Plus, we're only a little over a year off All That being 10 years ago & wouldn't it be great to publish a book in time for that comemoration?

I'm not writing a post-post-apocalyptic coming of age/YA novel with the working title Whalefall about a small community living difficult lives in a harsh landscape, who are contacted by a "more developed" culture who want to "trade freely" with this community, and aren't like the old empires no sir we're sustainable now. Specifically this story follows the trainee doctor of this community, who would super love to have access to better healthcare technology, especially as she has a physical disability herself, but still can't quite trust these newcomers are as benevolent as they seem.

I'm not writing a short story or possibly novella about a haunted forest, a tween ghost, and a teenager from the city who doesn't really believe in ghosts but is in this situation anyway.

I'm not writing a BBC Being Human Season 3 Softer-and-kinder AU where Hal, Tom, and Annie get a year or two of peace and healing before the vampire prophesy shit kicks off, and Tom joins a parenting group at the nearby community centre.

I'm not writing the rest of my Good Omens/Daredevil crossover WIP, where Adam turns up.

I'm not writing a novel with the working title Slime Chunks which is about reconnecting with ur childhood best friend who has since got youtube famous. & she's now in legal trouble & possibly she did some very shady things, which should be unforgivable, except that you're realising with dawning horror that you would forgive her anything.

I'm not writing the rest of my Gilmore Girls series about Rory & Paris getting together while Rory figures out the whole pregnancy & motherhood thing, & Lane is being poly with her two husbands and many girlfriends in the background.

Those are the main things I'm not writing! There are other projects too, of course.

My work tends to deal with themes of:

queerness

disability

trauma

surreal shit, the supernatural, goth stuff, etc

[mourn-and-watch]

hype q&a !!!! 6, 17, 18 please :D

6. Do you have your Rook(s) planned out to any degree? If so, would you share some details or ideas you have?

oh i sure as hell do

i've been cooking her up since 2020 and it seems there are going to be opportunities to actually implement some of these ideas so. my rook's name is rel, short for something she really doesn't like. she's an elf and antivan crow and also a disaster because she should be addicted to shutting the fuck up and also choose her friends better. she's a wholehearted believer in "you only live once" motto and she really doesn't appreciate the idea of her life turning into hell for the sake of an ancient empire or something so yeah. fuck that old guy and fuck everyone who cares more about redeeming him than actually preventing his stupid plans! yeah even if you're a bestselling author. yeah even if you were the leader of the inquisition. and she's going to be loud about that. and also make out with women sloppy style while going through a whole pack of attachment issues for backstory reasons.

also my brain is working in dragon age mode non-stop now so. i'm also thinking about a grey warden guy and a mourn watch guy (gender neutral) but i don't want to get too excited about them before my first playthrough

17. Are you interested in all the lore and speculation or do you focus more on the games and stories themselves?

to me lore is an important part of the story so yeah! it's not like i'm the lore expert or something because i'm quite unobservant and haven't gotten my hands on all the da media even after all these years but i still have my silly little theories and i'm thrilled by the idea that we can get answers on some of the questions that unironically kept me up at night. give me that blight lore. elven lore. dwarven lore. anything. i won't shut up about it especially if i was right about something

also it's simply cool to read all the speculations and metas now. we finally got new stuff to discuss and it feels so good to see this fandom that active

18. Which aspect of fandom are you most looking forward to?

tbh pretty much everything. all the new fanart and gifs and edits are absolutely gorgeous and i can't wait to find out more about the plot and new characters so writers can also join the party myself included. as i said it's just so cool to see this fandom thriving because it is the thing i've been invested in the most for years and while i was pretty comfortable discussing the same stuff over and over because it was still fun to me it's just so... inspiring to experience something new? new art! new fics! new ocs! new silly tumblr posts! maybe new friends even! what's not to love

i mean. there's still a chance the game will suck for a whole bunch of reasons but i really don't care that much. i intend to have a good time here no matter what

the veilguard hype q&a

[ccastellanos]

❛❛ 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐒 𝐀𝐑𝐄 𝐖𝐄𝐓 𝐖𝐈𝐓𝐇 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐋𝐎𝐎𝐃 , of an empire. you smile and lick it off . that'll be what makes them fear you . –––––––––––––

FULL NAME. Castor Emery Castellanos

NICKNAMES. Cas, Athos (his professional alias)

BIRTHDAY. September 18, 1986 ( 38 )

OCCUPATION. Tracker & Mercenary

RESIDENCE. Downtown

GENDER / PRONOUNS.  Cismale ∘  He/Him

HOMETOWN. Nottingham, England

PINTEREST ╱ CONNECTIONS

personality .

zodiac chart: -- sun, -- moon, -- rising

mbti personality: intj

moral alignment: neutral evil

ennegram: 5 x 2 (maybe 5 x 6 as well)

hobbies / interests: chess, hacking, technology, hunting

positive traits: perceptive, bold, adaptive, skillful, quick learner

negative traits: diabolical, doesn't show concern for others, isolated, closed off

family .

parents: angelina castellanos ( mom ), ivan castellanos ( dad )

siblings: younger sister named iris ( wc )

children: none

other: tba

breakdown .

tw: disappearance, murder, guns, trauma

Castor was born to nomadic parents who settled in the farmlands of Nottingham, England. Later, they welcomed his baby sister into the world and their family of four had finally become complete.

For most of his adolescence, the Castellanos were known around their small town as the mythical "swamp people" because they didn't believe in conformity and resisted modern technology and civilization. They were firm believers that in living off the same land their ancestors sprang from, they remained the purest versions of themselves.

This often meant that Castor and his sister were pretty much seen as social pariahs in their community and were often targeted by local teens who would make the trek out to where they lived to taunt them for "fun."

Meanwhile, all they wanted to do was be normal. To go to school, to make friends, to essentially live like modern day citizens. Unfortunately for them, that wasn't in the cards. At least not yet.

One night while Castor and little sister Iris were playing, they stumbled along the dirt road of their nearby town and witnessed a grizzly murder. Horrified, Iris screamed behind the bushes they hid behind, attracting the attention of the sleek, mesmerizing assassins. Shortly after they made their way toward them (to silence them), Castor urged his sister to run while he bought her some time.

He returned home later that night soaking wet and exhausted to parents who berated him for putting himself and his younger sister Iris in danger.

For a short while, it seemed like the dust had settled after that night. Until one of the gun slinging, assassins stumbled upon their home in his search of a phone or way out. When Castor's father Ivan, refused to offer him refuge or help, he got angry and killed Ivan's wife right in front of him and his two children.

Following that fatal night, something in Castor snapped and he had never been the same since. Taking a life, especially in front of that young of an age had lasting, traumatic effects. Just to cope, he would sometimes disassociate and imagine he was somebody else. It helped to combat the nightmares that flared up, until eventually they all went away. Or were replaced by a growing list of new ones.

As their family got older, Castor developed insane hunting skills thrust upon him by their father. He no longer longed for a life he would never get to have. His father taught him how to survive, how to enhance his tracking abilities to an almost borderline supernatural degree.

Unlike Castor, Iris however, distanced herself from her brother and their father. She still craved a modest, civilized life. Which is why at age 17, she disappeared from their family without a trace. She stayed hidden for a good while until Castor caught up with her following their father's death in 2018.

They stayed together long enough to catch up on their time apart and to lay their father's body to rest. But after a year, she was gone again. And this time, she made sure not a trace of her would be found.

In her absence, Castor decided it was time to put his skills to good use by developing his own personal business. One that operates by his own set of rules and not that of anyone else's.

He now uses his skill set to find missing persons all across the country to make up for not being able to locate his own remaining flesh and blood.

This has led him to becoming a tracker and occasional mercenary for hire. Not only do the gigs pay well (being that most of the rewards typically start at 10 grand and upward) but, it's a way for him to satiate the inner monster he's indelibly become. The same monster that he won't acknowledge, his father had made him into.

headcanons .

character inspirations. colter shaw (tracker), silver sable (marvel universe)

[justforbooks]

The documentary film-maker, journalist and author Gavin Weightman, who has died aged 77 after a long-term illness, was one of a number of talented young programme-makers who were recruited in the late 1970s and early 80s to work in the current affairs and features departments of London Weekend Television. As producer and director, Weightman’s outstanding contribution was The Making of Modern London (1983-85), a long-running series that documented the social history of the capital from 1815 to the then present day. What made it stand out was its extensive use of living memory to drive the narrative. Since then, testimony or oral history has become a common feature in documentary TV film-making.

The first series, Heart of the Empire, covered the London of Dickens, Queen Victoria and the Edwardians. In one episode, a 90-year-old Lady Charlotte Bonham Carter recalled the terrible mess horse-drawn traffic made in London’s streets, and how she suffered the indignity of wading through rain-soaked manure to attend a lunch at St James’s Palace. By contrast, Eastender Ted Harrison remembered family “holidays” spent hop-picking in Kent, leaving home at midnight to be there on time. The programmes used extensive archive film, often unearthing unseen footage, innovative rostrum camera work and specially written music to bring each individual memory to life.

Born in Gosforth, Northumberland, Gavin was the son of Doreen (nee Wade), a teacher and translator, and John Weightman, a broadcaster and later professor of French. During the war, John had been the only non-French newsreader for the BBC French Service. The bulletins he delivered sometimes carried coded messages and he often transmitted from the same studios as Charles de Gaulle. Gavin’s love of French food, wine and culture was passed on through his parents. The family lived in West Hampstead, London, but, spending summers near the Northumberland hills, Gavin also learned to love the outdoors and appreciate wildlife.

At primary school Gavin was captain of football and cricket. His secondary education began with a scholarship to Haberdashers’ boys school, Hertfordshire. By all accounts he did not thrive there and left aged 17 to begin a career as a journalist on local papers – first a stint on the Brighton and Evening Argus and then the Richmond and Twickenham Times (or the “Ricky-Twicky Times” as he fondly called it). Half a dozen reporters and editors would be crammed together in a tiny newsroom, all hammering away on 30s-era typewriters amid a dense fug of cigarette smoke. Standing out was Gavin, a tall and decidedly crumpled figure. His old friend the Canadian Broadcasting journalist Brian Stewart recalled Gavin “pouring out copy with ease, offering advice to everyone else on their writing and generally keeping everyone in stitches with gossip”.

After five years on local papers, in 1967 he began a degree course in sociology as a mature student at Bedford College, London University, where he developed a keen interest in social and economic history, especially the Industrial Revolution.

On graduation he spent time working for a newspaper group, writing for local papers. In 1974 he joined the staff of New Society magazine, writing features on a huge range of subjects. He was simply interested in everything – from Industrial Revolution housing to nudist camps in the postwar era and even the history of poaching.

While there, he happened to answer the phone to somebody from LWT current affairs calling to invite another journalist to apply for a job. Gavin took the message, then said, can I apply? He did and got the job, as reporter on The London Programme (1978-82), then, for a year, as its presenter. I was working there as a reporter at the time, and he and I became great friends. His voice was perfect for narration, but getting a man accustomed to a crumpled look to trade up to the suit and tie then required of presenters was always going to be an uphill struggle. What is more, by his own admission, Gavin never really mastered the technique of being able to walk and talk at the same time – another essential for being on screen.

After a brief spell on The Six O’ Clock Show, he gradually devoted more of his time to producing and directing films for the features department. His interest in social history made him the ideal choice to produce, direct and narrate not only the first 12 films of the Making of Modern London series (1983-84) but subsequently two wildlife series – City Safari (1986) and Brave New Wilderness (1990) – and a series on the history of the River Thames (1990), all of which had accompanying books.

When Gavin left LWT in 1991 to set up his own production company, he made more social history programmes for Channel 4, but increasingly concentrated on writing. He wrote more than 20 books ranging from Signor Marconi’s Magic Box (2003) to The Industrial Revolutionaries (2007). His most successful, The Frozen Water Trade (2003), told the history of exporting ice around the world from a frozen Massachusetts lake. It was serialised on Radio 4.

To his many friends Gavin was great company, loved for his ready wit and easy charm. Many a meal round his kitchen table ended with him playing a mean blues on his vintage Gibson guitar.

Gavin’s first marriage, to Myra Wilkins, ended in divorce. He is survived by his second wife, Clare Beaton, a children’s author and illustrator, whom he married in 2009 after a long-term partnership, their son, Tom, his children, Lucie and Ben, from his first marriage, two stepchildren, Jack and Kate, three grandchildren and two great-grandchildren, and his sister, Jane.

🔔 Gavin Weightman, documentary maker, author and journalist, born 4 March 1945; died 18 December 2022

Daily inspiration. Discover more photos at http://justforbooks.tumblr.com

[korrasamibottles]

12, 17, 27, 29, 30👀

12. How many WIP’s do you have in your docs for next year?

4! There's Homophobic Naga, an angsty post-Ruins of the Empire Asami-focused one, one about Asami and airplane windows that's been beating my ass for months and needs to be completely rewritten because I poached sections of it for the angsty Asami wip, and then a sneaky lil Wuko one👀

Technically I have 5 wips at the moment, but I'm trying to finish one of them (the Ming one😈) before the end of the year because it would be very funny silly goofy haha to me personally if I posted what is essentially an anti-retail screed disguised as fanfic on christmas eve.

17. Your favorite character to write this year?

Answered this one here😊

27. What do you listen to while writing?

Nothing, I'm boring as shit and need long stretches of silence if I want to write more than one word per hour. Also my preferred way to listen to music is "loud enough to shoot me into the astral plane" which. Well. Ahah. That's not very helpful when I'm trying to think of words, phrases, and especially sentences.

29. Favorite line/passage you wrote this year?

Probably this (nsfw-ish) one from Under Me, Over Me:

Korra shudders, digging her heels into the couch and pushing up, desperate for more, but Asami just slips her finger out and locks her hands around her hips, pressing them deliberately back down into the cushions. It sends something white-hot coursing through Korra's veins, being pinned like this, so different from being laid out in a fight. She could get out of Asami's hold in a heartbeat, they both know it, but it's thrilling to let herself melt into it, to give herself over to it, pliant and trusting like she could never be with anyone else. 

It's a direct follow up to this post and also my Bottom Korra thesis statement thank you and goodnight😇

30. Biggest surprise while writing this year?

That people actually liked my writing lmao. Not to be a sopping wet pathetic cat about it but I'm very much an "expect the worst so I'm never disappointed" kind of person, so every nice comment has been a very pleasant surprise. Thank you to everyone who has ever complimented me, you will live in my heart forever and ever until the sun eats the earth and then probably after that as well.

[revoleotion]

Can you tell me more about Dawn?

I CAN ALWAYS TELL YOU MORE ABOUT DAWN

(vibrating intensely) pls send more asks if there's anything specific you want to know but...

some basics? Did I ever do this on this blog?

first off, there are two "versions" of Dawn, the original way I wrote him and am playing him in the Pen and Paper... and the version I did for playing him in bg3, lovingly dubbed DNDawn by my DM.

A few facts about OG!Dawn:

he's a Chiss sky-walker who retired (read: lost his connection to the Force) at 17, which is pretty late for a Chiss but still pretty traumatizing. He spent the months leading up to retirement trying to stop the loss of his Sight or at least trying to find a way to be useful in other ways, but he still had to leave eventually

right before that, he met the human sent to the chiss ascendancy (Eli Vanto), which inspired a conversation about a life outside of the ascendancy. Vibes wise, I was going for a parallel of that conversation between Thrawn and Thalias in Chaos Rising!

anyway, Dawn didn't leave immediately after retiring, though. He went to an academy for a few years, where he had a roommate that he suspects might have been a sky-walker too but they never actually talked about it. Her fate is uncertain too but she probably died shortly before graduation. Dawn actually got a degree from that academy, which he never mentions and does not care about in the slightest

once he had his degree, he got a tattoo done (on his back, a star constellation only seen from Csilla), chose the new name Dawn so that lesser space inhabitants can properly address him, and fucked off to meet an Imperial contact Eli gave him

it turned out pretty quickly that Dawn was not Empire material, and he didn't care for it either, but this information is important because it shows that his first contact with the Empire was neutral (+ knowing that Thrawn ended up working with them also helped shape Dawn's opinion of that regime). This opinion changed later, of course, but it's important that he didn't immediately hate the Empire or distrust its members

and this is how he eventually ended up with the torment crew! yey! and that's when the campaign started and....... well. shit happened.

he's also trans (most, if not all, sky-walkers are girls, but he never really vibed with that) and very, very gay.

dawn gets to use a mechanic that i lovingly refer to as the "autism dice" where sometimes my DM makes me roll in conversations with other crew members to see if dawn notices the deeper meaning/sarcasm in other character's words (most of the time I didn't notice it either, and if I fail, he's not explaining it to me either, Dawn & I just have to live with it. rude (jk jk, I agreed to this))

my favorite thing about Dawn is how he views himself as a tool but sometimes (very, VERY rarely, and ESPECIALLY when he's tired/not thinking straight) slips into this mindset of "excuse me, do you know who you are talking to??". no matter how alienated he feels from other chiss, he is one, and maybe those legends about chiss not reacting well to being betrayed are true after all.

since sky-walkers get their memory purged to avoid any unnecessary feelings/homesickness, Dawn does not remember his childhood or family. It also means he has no idea of his original family name. He has a twin sister but will very likely never learn that or meet her. After his service as a sky-walker, he got adopted into the Irizi family, hence his name.

Dawn has very strong feelings about being compared to Thrawn, mostly about the fact that he's a Mitth and how dare people compare him to a Mitth??

the thing I struggled with the most when creating him and playing him in early sessions was his moral alignment. He was pretty much a blank slate, due to the memory purging and being used as a military child weapon most of his life... so this didn't make it any easier. By now, I have his alignment and loyals figured out though! It's more complex than I first expected, and the fun bit is that he is now very torn between wanting to do what's best for the crew and the connection he's feeling towards the guy speaking to him through the sith holocron, mostly because he is grysk (and therefore, from the same region as Dawn AND his mortal enemy but you know what, we can excuse that as long as we get homoeroticism and narrative foils)

dawnkallig. my beloved. i should write another essay on my pnp side blog

ANYWAY this got long. Tell me if I should talk more about the DNDawn version (who shows up in my bg3 fanfics)...... or if you have any more random questions about my boy!

[cuteniarose]

can you plz infodump about your ocs?? so new people to your blog can understand them

Hey, anon? I hope you know that this ask is the best one I’ve gotten in all my 3 1/2 years on this hellsite, so thank you!! You really don’t need to know about my OCs to follow this blog cause a) I post once in a blue moon nowadays, and b) it’s rarely about my OCs, BUT SINCE YOU ASKED-

K, so, my main OCs are Suiren and Midori, sisters who just so happen to be Ghazan and Ming-Hua’s daughters. They were 7 and 4 respectively when their parents were imprisoned for trying to kidnap Korra, which led to them being placed in the ‘care’ of Ghazan’s older sister, Haya. What happens to them after that? Well, you’d have to be more specific, since I have about a trillion different AUs featuring them. The two most important ones (aka the ones written down) are:

1. Seeds of the Red Lotus. The very first fic I wrote about them, which I... haven’t updated in two years. It currently stands at 5 chapters BUT I am in the process of rewriting and continuing it. The basic concept is that the girls grow up in utter misery under Haya’s iron fist, and in a desperate attempt to get enough money to leave and live a happy, comfortable life somewhere else, Suiren becomes an assassin at the bright old age of 17. Fast forward 6 years, and Team Avatar, unable to take down the Earth Empire on their own, hire her to kill Kuvira

2. Under the Oak’s Shade. A rather self indulgent AU written as a form of catharsis and spiritual healing. Six months into living with Haya, the girls are taken in by Zhi, a cranky lesbian with a bad sense of direction/P’Li’s firebending teacher from the Red Lotus/my friend @katkastrofa‘s OC from her fic Lost and Found (which, unlike the multichaps I write, is complete and you should go read it immediately). Once I pull myself together to actually figure out how the next instalment in the series should go, this will, most likely, eventually become a Red Lotus Korra AU, which I’m definitely looking forward to writing.

Now that the basics are out of the way, let’s get to actual infodumping about my two precious cinnamon rolls. Most of this info is from SotRL-verse, as that is the main story I’ve got about them, so keep that in mind

-

Suiren:

23 years old as of 174 AG. Master waterbender and deadly assassin. Cold, calculating and precise in everything she does, leaving no room for error. Takes no shit from anyone, is fiercely defensive and independent, and is the last person to ever accept any help or charity. Confident in her abilities and borderline cocky at times, a lot of which is a front. Extremely short tempered, nihilistic, cynical and high strung, not willing to let anyone get close enough to her to see her hidden vulnerabilities

She wasn’t always like this. A long time ago, back before she lost her parents, she was much, much softer, kinder and more gentle. Her parents called her their little water lily, and the nickname suited her well. However, P’Li’s nickname for her was ‘my little firecracker’, so she very much still had quite a temper even back then. Overall, she was a happy little girl with bright eyes and a mischievous smile who was determined to excel in her waterbending lessons. She was Ming-Hua’s pride and joy. 16 years of taking the brunt of Haya’s anger to shield her sister, as well as destroying the part of herself that wouldn’t let her mindlessly do the bidding of whoever paid her, changed her, perhaps irreversibly.

Her old life still haunts her, though. Genetics played a cruel joke on her – the silky black hair reaching below her waist, the angular features, the prominent cheekbones, the (relatively) short height – it all serves to make her see her mother every single time she glances in the mirror. Being just like her mother was something she once aspired to, but now follows her like a curse. Even the things she got from her dad, dark skin and golden brown eyes, don’t help, and just make her look like Haya, especially when she’s angry

There is another side to her that no one but Midori gets to see. She may not be as soft as sixteen years ago, but she is still capable of love and gentleness. She loves her sister more than anything else in life, has already killed and would die for her. She is very protective of Midori (though often to a fault). She hugs her tight and kisses her forehead and cheeks, quietly sings her (their mother’s) lullabies as she calms her down from a nightmare, heals any and all her wounds, tells her stories of their parents, always puts her first no matter how pained and exhausted she herself is... In short, Suiren took on the role of a self sacrificing parent a long time ago and has played it well

Suiren is a distinguished lesbian but can’t keep a partner longer than a few weeks. Girls fawn all over her, but once they see past the pretty face and confident demeanour and notice everything wrong with her, they run (which only serves to make Suiren’s abandonment issues worse). She has taken to sticking to one night stands when she needs an outlet for her frustrations, convinced she will never have, and isn’t deserving of, a long lasting, loving relationship

She struggles severely with her mental health, constantly plagued by what she has done. She tries to limit her sleep to avoid nightmares that she knows will come and represses all emotions except for anger as that is the safest to latch onto and channel into killing. She is almost always on edge and feels pressure mounting with every single day. Very prone to overstimulation when it comes to noise, light and people. The only times she ever relaxes (or, at least, pretends to) is when she’s alone with Midori or with Lotus, her pet sabertooth moose lion.

To sum up: the poor girl is a vessel for my trauma and deserves a 30 hour nap, a hug, a warm blanket, the whole world and her parents back

-

Midori:

20 years old as of 174 AG. Earthbender, though not very good at it. She discovered her earthbending only a few months before losing her parents, and had no one to teach her since then. She is naturally kindhearted and hardworking, always trying to help out where she can and seem useful. Quiet and anxious, she prefers to stick to the background and draw as little attention to herself as possible (which is in fact a defence mechanism against Haya’s treatment of her but, y’know, let’s not get into that rn)

Sixteen years ago, Midori was a bright and happy little girl, wanting nothing more than for everyone around her to be happy as well. Always full of energy, she could talk and ramble for hours about anything that crossed her mind. Just as mischievous as her sister, she knew she was the baby of the family and could get away with anything, though to her credit, she didn’t abuse that much. Her parents called her their little Seedling, the youngest of them all so full of potential and eager to grow and make her parents proud. P’Li often called her a cuddlebug for her affectionate nature (am I stealing that from Kat’s fic bc it made me scream into my pillow for five minutes straight? Maybe. You can’t prove anything).

In present age, she’s a lot more similar to her childhood self than Suiren is. She doesn’t talk that much anymore, if at all, and her happiness is often clouded by the harsh world around her, but some of that cheerfulness still shines through, especially when she’s alone with Suiren or with Tenzin’s kids. The energy once used for rambling and chasing butterflies and racing with her sister is now almost always redirected into chores and housework, though if Suiren offered, she’d gladly race her again (and probably win tbh, her legs are longer and Renny prefers faster methods than running)

She doesn’t remember her parents well, and their faces have blurred beyond recognition in her mind. It’s why her appearance doesn’t affect her as much as Renny’s own does her. She’s not a carbon copy of either of her parents like Suiren is, she’s more of an even mix. She knows what Suiren had told her, that she has their mother’s eyes and their father’s nose, but can’t piece anything together in her head. She keeps her hair, as dark and silky as Suiren’s, though thicker, at shoulder length, a bit uneven in places as she cuts it herself. As a child, Ghazan would tie her hair into twin pigtails every morning and she never let anyone else do it. She hasn’t styled her hair in any way since she took those pigtails out before going to bed the night their parents left

A disaster bisexual, proven by the fact that out of all people in the world, she falls for Opal Beifong. You know, the step sister of the woman Midori’s sister has to kill (or die trying), and the daughter of the woman who killed Midori’s beloved auntie P’Li. Yeah, tough case. Anyway, turns out, there is a limited supply of Ghazan’s charm in his genetic code and it all got passed down to Renny, because ‘Dori herself turns into an awkward mess whenever the opportunity to flirt arises. It’s fine though, Opal still finds her adorable. Also she probably had a small crush on Bolin when they first met, but that was because he was one of the only people her age to be nice to her and she got over it quickly

Remember how I said she was quiet and anxious? Yeah, understatement of the century. Her anxiety follows her around throughout her day and is the driving force behind all of her decisions. Many things, from raised voices to passive aggressiveness to bad moods to unfinished housework, can trigger it. When it does, she clams up and curls in on herself, but tries her best to deescalate or rectify the situation. She’s also very sensitive to any kind of conflict, even when she’s not part of it. Midori also worries a lot for Suiren while she’s away on missions, as she knows she’ll completely fall apart if something were to happen to Renny. She has nightmares about it often, almost every night that Suiren is not there. Little does she know, Suiren has similar worries over losing her.

Another big thing is her major inferiority complex. She looks at her big sister and sees someone who has always been talented, powerful and capable. Someone who can do so many things without even breaking a sweat. Someone who has girls fawning all over her. And then ‘Dori looks at herself and sees none of those things. She doesn’t hate Suiren for it, not at all, but tiny inklings of disdain sometimes take form. She tries hard to ignore it, but often can do nothing but listen to those thoughts swirl around in her head.

In summary: An anxious mess of a girl who is in desperate need of a proper support system and someone (*cough* Opal *cough*) who could assure her that she is enough and that it doesn’t matter if she isn’t like her sister, she’s perfect just the way she is

-

If you want me to elaborate on any of this (and this goes for everyone, not just anon) my askbox is always open and my desire to infodump about my precious traumatised babies never wavers

[tilbageidanmark]

Movies I watched and books I read this Week #141 (Year 3/Week 37):

Continuing through Aki Kaurismäki’s early work:

🍿 While waiting for his new film "Fallen Leaves", I found a copy of his second feature, the absurdist Calamari Union (1985). 15 desperate guys (all named Frank), and another called Pekka (who speaks in a fake Finnish-English accent) undergo a random series of senseless misadventures, as they try to flee from one seedy suburb of downtown Helsinki to the mystical seaside of Eira. Weirdly surrealist.

🍿 Rocky VI, an early (1986) black & white short, a parody of Stallone franchise. A puny little guy fights the much bigger “Igor” (A giant with Brezhnev eyebrows) and loses.

🍿

Letter from an Unknown Woman, my first romantic tear-jerker by Max Ophüls. 100% score on Rotten Tomatoes’, and co-produced by venerable John Housman. The allure of turn of the century Vienna. Beautiful Joan Fountain looking very much like young July Greer.

🍿

My first 3 Croatian films by new female director Antoneta Alamat Kusijanović [2 with Danish-Serbian actress Danica Curcic, and 2 with the beautiful Gracija Filipovic]:

🍿 Stane, a brand new 20-min. elusive story about a strong-willed woman, who was just elevated to lead her immigrant father’s thriving construction empire, while at the same time discovering her husband’s infidelity. Unspoken emotions and toxic dynamics explored. This is part of ‘Women’s Tales’, an anthology of 26 shorts commissioned by fashion brand Miu Miu, which I’m going to start devouring. 9/10.

🍿 “Dreams die in paradise”…

Her debut feature film, Murina ("Moray eel"), was exec-produced by Martin Scorsese, and won the Caméra d'Or at the 2021 Cannes Festival. Powerful, feminist story of a strong-willed 17 year old fisherman daughter, who rebels against the primitive patriarchy on the beautiful Adriatic island where she live. Her father especially is an abusive, controlling prick, trying to keep his growing mermaid daughter in her place. It evokes other sensual Mediterranean dramas full of salt water and sun, like ’The lost daughter' and 'A bigger Splash'. Mature and sensitive. 9/10.

🍿 Into the blue (2017) is her previous draft for 'Murina', a similar story about a 13 year old diver, also named Julija, played by the same actress, in the same locations, and with the same sensibilities and mature 'feel'. A story about friendship and jealousy between two girls.

🍿

Josep, a different type animated feature, more like an animated painting, by the French cartoonist Aurel [How many other directors use only one name, beside Tarsem?]. It's an artistic biography of the little-known Catalan artist Josep Bartoli, detailing his experience at a French concentration camp during the last war. In 1939, the Spanish refugees persecuted by Franco, sought asylum in France, but instead were interned in concentration camps. This was a chapter from history I was not familiar with. 8/10.

🍿

4 more re-watches:

🍿 Another go at Ron Flicke’s non-narrative Baraka ("Blessing", 1992). I introduced it to my mom, who enjoyed the first half, as it embraced the Yin of the world's vast beauty and spirituality, but as soon as it started turning toward the Yang of destruction and decay, she had to bail. But the people who pray for peace, and the people who kiss the holy stones, are the same people who burn the trees, and who slaughter all the chickens.

🍿 “Welcome to the future, bruh…”

Nightcrawler, another tense re-watch of Dan Gilroy’s brilliant debut feature. Villainous thief Jake Gyllenhaal is the ultimate urban amoral creep. This is surely how Musk would have started, if he was born on the other side of the tracks. Gilroy specifically wrote the role of Nina for his wife Rene Russo. Also, with 'Mad Men's Ted Chaough. Now I'm glad that I never got to watch television.

🍿 “…It’s called an anus…”

After reading the excellent 'Los Angeles Review of Books' article about The big chill which had premiered 40 years ago, I took another dip. Still a terrific ensemble piece, with Peak William Hurt and Meg Tilly. 9/10.

🍿 “I think loneliness probably kills more people than cancer…”

The masterful A simple favor once again: This is becoming nearly a bi-weekly event for me, it seems. I simply cannot get enough of this wonderful 'Suburban Noir'. Everything I said last month still stands: The script and dialogue are so crisp, the sound design is fantastic. The story is perfect. Shoutouts this time to the lesbian undertones with Blake Lively, to Rupert Friend's Dennis Nylon, to the Visual Style'... 10/10/10.

Bonuses: The soundtrack [not great by itself] Some bloopers and B-rolls. I'm so not looking forward to ‘Simple Favor 2’!

🍿

Life of crime, another black comedy caper, based on an Elmore Leonard novel. His hapless small-time hoods Ordell Robbie and Louis Gara try another doomed kidnapping scheme in Detroit. The 1978 Detroit ambiance is beautifully recreated. Unfortunately, the two bumbling con men are nowhere close in charisma and presence to Samuel L. Jackson in Jackie Brown or Travolta's Chili Palmer. Tim Robbins is the baddie. 3/10.

🍿

5 more shorts:

🍿 Ten minutes older, a 1978 short by Latvian documentarian Herz Frank, which consists of sublime ten minutes of reaction shots of children watching a puppet show. It must have been inspired by Alfred Eisenstaedt's famous Parisian series from 1963. (Photos Above).

🍿 A documentary about the making of John Frankenheimer 1966 horror / science fiction film Seconds, starring Rock Hudson.

🍿 Fantasmagorie, a 1908 French animated film by Émile Cohl, considered by film historians to be the first animated, using what came to be known as traditional animation methods.

🍿 Reservoir Dogs, 1992: A 12-minute Tarantino short, made with the help of the Sundance Film institute and served as a proof of concept for the feature film.

From a Deadline list of ‘Films that began as shorts’

🍿 Carl’s Date, the latest "Pixar" pre-movie short, riffing on Carl Fredricksen from 'Up'. Disney squeezes the juice out of anything with a heart, and jerks it off into a used sock under the bed. 2/10.

🍿

Unfit, The psychology of Donald Trump, with Malcolm Nance, Ruth Ben-Ghiat, and a bunch of heave-duty psychiatrists. A sharp documentary, showing beyond any reasonable doubt that the orange malignant narcissist suffers from the same incurable mental illness, his idols Hitler & Mussolini did. It should have scared the world, when he still was in charge. Sadly, it's from 2020, and so much had transpired since. But hell, fuck this guy once and for all. 8/10.

🍿

The Tel Aviv to Tel Katzir Shuttle (מאסף תל אביב־תל קציר), by Moshe Shargal (2000): A lovely memoir of life at a simpler time, time I nearly remember, Israel of the late 1950's, when young people could still dream about endless horizons, unblemished landscapes and hopeful futures. It opens with a poem by Pinhas Sadeh, הליכה בשדות מרמת רחל לצור בח'ר

האושר הוא ללכת בזוהר השמש השוקעת של סוף הקיץ

כאילו הולך אתה בשדה בעמק יזרעאל, ואתה כבן 16

וכאילו כל החיים, כל החיים, עדיין

האהבות, הכאבים, המתיקות

אי אפשר לתאר את השלווה הזאת

השמיים, הרוח, האדמה החומה

רק אלוהים יודע

ממערב משתפל ויורד חורש ירוק

אורנים וברושים נעים לאט

ואתה הולך לבדך בעולם בשדה בשמש השוקעת של סוף הקיץ

איש בסתיו חייו

ובוכה

🍿

(My complete movie list is here)

[troybeecham]

Today the Church honors St. Dositheus, Martyr.

Orate pro nobis

The Christian country of Georgia came under Muslim Persian vassalage beginning in AD 1502, and under intermittent Muslim rule and suzerainty since 1555, and had become de facto independent after the disintegration of the Iranian Afsharid dynasty in 1796. In this brief interval of self-rule, the Georgian king Erakle II (1762-1798) made a peace agreement with Russia. The new ruler of Persia, Agha Mohammad Khan Qajar (14 March 1742 – 17 June 1797), also known by his regnal name of Agha Mohammad Shah, was the founder of the new Qajar dynasty of Persia, ruling from AD 1789 to 1797 as Shah.

For Agha Mohammad Khan, the resubjugation and reintegration of Georgia into the Muslim Persian Empire was part of the same process that had brought other territories, such as Shiraz, Isfahan, and Tabriz, back under his rule. Finding an interval of peace amid their own internal quarrels and with northern, western, and central Persia secure, the Persians demanded the Georgian monarch Erakle II renounce his treaty with Russia and re-accept Muslim Persian suzerainty, in return for peace and the security of his kingdom. The Ottomans, Persia's neighboring rival, recognized Persia's rights over Kartli and Kakheti for the first time in four centuries. King Erakle II appealed then to his theoretical protector, Empress Catherine II of Russia, pleading for at least 3,000 Russian troops, but he was not listened to, leaving Georgia to fend off the Persian threat alone. Nevertheless, Erakle II still rejected the Khan's ultimatum.

Thirty-five thousand Persian soldiers marched toward Georgia in the year 1795. Erekle II and his two thousand soldiers declared war on the invaders as they were approaching the capital city of Tbilisi. The Georgians offered a desperate resistance and succeeded in rolling back a series of Iranian attacks on 9 and 10 September, but most perished in the fighting. The enemy was shaken and was preparing to flee the battleground, when several traitors reported to Aqa Muhammed Khan that King Erekle had lost nearly his entire army. This betrayal decided the fate of the battle: the one hundred fifty soldiers who remained in the Georgian army barely succeeded in saving the life of King Erekle, who had willed to perish on the battlefield with his soldiers.

All of Tbilisi was engulfed in flames. The plunderers murdered the people, set fire to the libraries, and vandalized the churches and the king’s palace. They slaughtered the clergy in an especially cruel manner. The Iranian army marched back laden with spoil and carrying off some 15,000 captives.

Unfortunately, history has not preserved the names of all those martyrs who perished in this tragedy, but we do know that a certain Metropolitan Bishop Dositheus of Tbilisi was killed because he would not abandon his flock. While the invaders simply killed most of the clergymen, from Saint Dositheus they demanded a renunciation of the Christian Faith. In the aftermath of the battle, a group of Qajar soldiers found the elderly Dositheus at the Sioni Cathedral kneeling before the icon of Virgin Mary. They commanded him to defile the True and Life-giving Cross of our Lord. But the holy hieromartyr Dositheus endured the greatest torments without yielding to the enemy, and he joyfully accepted death for Christ’s sake. The invaders slaughtered Christ’s devoted servant with their swords and threw his body into the Kira River.

Saint Dositheus was martyred on September 12 in the year AD 1795.

Almighty God, by whose grace and power your holy martyr Dositheus triumphed over suffering and was faithful even to death: Grant us, who now remember him in thanksgiving, to be so faithful in our witness to you in this world, that we may receive with him the crown of life; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, forever and ever.

Amen.

[kp777]

By Abby Zimet

Common Dreams

June 17, 2023

We mourn the loss of Daniel Ellsberg, singularly principled truth-teller, activist and "patriarch of whistleblowing" who exposed the murderous lies of the Vietnam War - with, it turns out, the help of his 13-year-old son - and spent the next 50-plus years bearing righteous witness to "the human consequences (of) what we're doing" - our wars, ravages of the planet, dalliance with nuclear mayhem. A fierce ally of "those who care about the others," he grew weary but never hopeless, insisting, "One candle lights another."

"My dear father, Daniel Ellsberg, died this morning June 16 at 1:24 a.m., four months after his diagnosis with pancreatic cancer," wrote his son Robert. "His family surrounded him as he took his last breath. He had no pain and died peacefully at home." His father's time since his diagnosis was largely happy: "Just as he had always written better under a deadline, it turned out he was able to 'live better under a deadline' – with joy, gratitude, purpose (and) perhaps a feeling of relief that the fate of the world no longer depended on his efforts." He "didn’t feel there was any tragedy attached to dying at the age of 92," and remained true to his vision till the end. In May, he spoke with his usual eloquence and acuity to Politico about the deadly impact of America's ceaseless imperialist adventures, duplicitous arrogance and warmongering in the specious name of democracy - the same issues that stirred him to oppose those in seemingly unassailable power more than five decades before.

Ellsberg was a military analyst with a Harvard doctorate, a resume from the right-wing RAND Corporation and high-level security clearance when in 1964 he became an advisor to Defense Secretary Robert McNamara, who years after forging "McNamara's War" decried his own actions as "terribly wrong” - a mea culpa many dismissed. "His regret cannot be huge enough to balance the books for our dead soldiers," said one critic who somehow elided the brutal reality of a war that also cost billions of dollars and millions of lives other than 60,000 American ones. “The ghosts of those unlived lives circle close around Mr. McNamara.” Meanwhile, from his first day at the Pentagon - the day of the Tonkin Gulf encounter used as a pretext for Congressional approval of the war - through two years spent on the ground in Vietnam, including with Marine patrols, to working on the damning report now known as the Pentagon Papers, Ellsberg came to consistently view Vietnam as an immoral and unwinnable war almost wholly built on lies.

That report, says Robert, convinced him the war was "not just a problem or a mistake, (but) a crime that must be resisted." He didn't release the Pentagon Papers because "he was offended merely by its chronicle of lies...He was offended by the crimes those lies were protecting - they were lies about murder." As a child, Robert said his father "tended to talk to me about 'grown-up' things": the Vietnam War, the perils of nuclear war, history, empire, non-violence, "the human capacities for evil and for changing the world." (He was also "wildly funny," had memorized many favorite poems, loved magic, music, movies and nature, especially the ocean.) One day in 1969, Daniel took him out to lunch and told him about his plan to copy secret documents in hopes of helping end an untenable war. "He'd been sharing with me books and writings by Gandhi, Thoreau, Martin Luther King, so I understood what he was talking about," he said. "He asked if I would help him. So that afternoon I spent the day at a Xerox machine copying documents. I was thirteen."

Read more.

[villanevehaus]

this is kind of random but this has been nagging at me for a little while and i havent been able to format it into like a question?? like i dont even know what my own question about it is but i know theres an answer you know?? but i was wondering if you had thoughts on the last names in sharp objects?? i always thought it was interesting that camille was the only preaker left that wasnt dead, and adora treats her like a stranger even though marian was also a preaker.

[contd] maybe im crazy. but i always thought adoras adherence to the realistic but unrealistic and kind of eerie social construct that literally drowns every woman in wind gap was an integral part in her character that i couldnt quite piece together in a way that clicked. like camilles identity as a preaker vs her mothers as a crellin but also most importantly as something other than a preaker is just hmmmm and i wondered if u noticed that too and/or had thoughts on it ?? - letterboxdanon

OGH yeas i have sooooo many thoughts as you are about to see by the length of this response because camille IS the only preaker!!! alan is both marian and amma's father, but he's just camille's step-father. preaker is adora's maiden name and since she had camille out of wedlock as a 17(18?)yo kid, it's not even the last name of camille's father- but then adora left all that embarrassment behind by marrying alan (still in her teens, also!!! alan sucks!!!) and having marian a few years later. adora cut herself from the preaker name through marriage, a normal thing that often changes women's names, had a child with that new name, and gained a cleaner social standing from doing both. idk why they didn't just erase the preaker name entirely by making camille a crellin but i think alan is so old fashioned that he'd be against giving a child that's not His his last name. maybe it just made it that much easier to hate camille, who knows.

iirc also adoras parents were sooooo pissed about her getting knocked up by some dude as a teen they both died within like a year of camille being born as well?? so adora really did a speedrun from child to mother to orphan to wife to mother of two, and i think for her having a new name and a new child with that new name was a good way to reinvent herself and her image- and isnt windgap aaallllllllllllll about image? changing her name while also continuing to reap the benefits of Preaker Hog Farm TM also means that she gets to almost fossilize?? the name and her family's empire/fortune, bc she still gets money from that.

so like! she treats camille as a stain on the preaker name/line because she literally is one in adora's eyes: she was a mistake, she killed the only other living preakers while retaining the legacy connected to the name- undeservedly- she doesn't adhere to windgap rules (or adora's rules, which are the same honestly), she mourns her sister too loudly, and then she leaves. but its fine, thank god she left, bc now adora gets to continue to reinvent herself and her image with amma and anne nash and natalie keene: adora crellin, that fine woman with her beautiful house and her beautiful roses and her beautiful daughter- bless her heart for helping those girls, especially after losing her first.

and then, camille shows up.

camille is a walking talking violation of adora's reinventation- she's a reminder to adora of her accidental pregnancy, camille's father, the deaths of her parents, the loss of marian- but she's also a reminder to the entire town of wind gap that adora used to be a preaker, too.