Eddie doesn't even bother waiting for the ambulance to come to a complete halt before he's jumping out of the cab, leaving the keys in the ignition and the engine rumbling. He barely hears the click of the handbrake over the blood rushing in his ears, but he couldn't give less of a fuck about a runaway ambulance when the doors open.
As Chim rolls the gurney out, Hen, shaky and ragged, shouts,
"Switch!"
Eddie doesn't think. He doesn't make a conscious decision. His body just knows what to do.
Its instinct to interlock his fingers and push all of his body weight into Buck's chest. Its instinct to climb onto the rail of the gurney, so Chim and Hen can push him along as he keeps up chest compressions. Its instinct to ignore the tears burning at the corners of his eyes and whisper broken pleas to Buck's broken heart.
Its an instinct as natural as Eddie's desire to protect Christopher from every miniscule bit of pain the world throws at him. Its an instinct as natural as Eddie's urge to throw himself up an electrified ladder for Buck. Its an instinct as natural as breathing.
So, Eddie pushes.
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
Thinks about a stupid pink and yellow heart with a smiley face and it imagines it under his hands as the first rib breaks.
"Come on, Buck," he hisses. "Don't you dare do this to me."
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
Buck kept the blood sealed in Eddie's body when a bullet tore through his shoulder, the least he can do to return the favour is keep Buck's heart beating.
He'd do it for the rest of his life if he had to.
If Buck trusted him with it, wanted him to have it, Eddie would hold Buck's heart close for eternity.
Given the choice, Eddie would carry that heart with him forever.
Its another instinct that hits him then. One he can't satisfy, but the urge is there all the same.
The urge to rip Buck's heart from his chest and tear open his own ribcage so he can nestle Buck's heart right next to his.
It'd be safe there.
Eddie would make sure of it.
And if it just so happened that Buck's heart refusing to beat stopped Eddie's too, well then, so be it.
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
Another rib breaks.
"I'm sorry," Eddie whispers. "I'm so sorry."
Bobby rattles his stats off to the doctor's swarming around them, but Eddie doesn't hear it anymore than the faint ringing that's been echoing around his head since the lightning threw him to the asphalt.
Its always asphalt, he thinks bitterly. When one of us is hurt and the other can't reach them, its always asphalt sticking to our goddamn skin.
A hand lands on his shoulder, but he shrugs them off.
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
"Sir," the clinical tone raises his hackles, but he doesn't stop pushing. "Sir, let us take over, please."
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
"Please, Buck."
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
Another rib breaks, and Eddie imagines the bone spearing Buck's still heart.
The bile that rises in his throat tastes a lot like bloody words left unsaid.
"Sir!"
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
"Eddie." Its Chimney's voice.
"Eddie, let them take over." Hen.
"Eddie," Bobby calls out. Its the broken voice of his captain that makes his rhythm falter for the first time.
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
"Eddie, stop. That's an order."
A thousand ugly words spill onto his tongue, a thousand scathing comments about dead sons and giving up, but Eddie bites them back and instead:
He pushes and pushes and pushes.
"Buck, please."
He freezes, hands on Buck's chest. He thought...
A thump.
An unsteady, weak thump.
But a thump all the same.
Eddie lets his crew peel him from Buck's limp body, lets the doctors roll him away. He steps forward, goes to follow them, but...
The world begins to turn black as the doors swing shut.
The last thing Eddie hears is Buck's voice echoing in his head,
We don't go past the glass doors.
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maddy and her mommy issues
maddy (mc): and this b- mmm... you know what she said to me?
mandie (mv): what this time?
mc: she said "are you done being petty and ready to come back yet?!!' like WHAT?
mv: back? like to georgia? in the middle of the semester?
mc: that's what i'm saying! and first of all it's not petty if you're a massive cunt for 20 years.
mv: literally. it was too late a long damn time ago but she wants to play mommy now? the fuck is wrong with her?
mc: a whole fuckin lot apparently. i do miss grandma though.
mv: yeah but is it worth it to go back and deal with your mom again?
mc: *sighs* no, not even remotely. it just sucks i guess because like.. at the end of the day she is my mom, you know?
mv: i get it. that's how i feel about adam. but they have to WANT to change before you even consider fixing what they broke
mc: … ugh i hate it when you're right
mv: ahh you love me
mc: yeah i do
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