#Faith-filled art

[frongle444]

Hehe watching the stream :3

[keysmanydudes]

meeow very empty doodle page of 3 completely different horror games

[sorryiwasasleep]

Oh my GOD Matt Dahan you are such a fucking genius because the eerie silence at the end of ‘Gunpowder and Rum, Part 1’ after Rose’s “Samuel? Who are you talking to?” where it’s just the silence of the waves and the ship? And then the eerie music tone???? I can SEE IN MY BRAIN the absolute panic that would go onto Samuel’s face as he turns back to Kal with furrowed brows at first, confused by Rose’s question, only for Kal to not be there and then Samuel to just… scramble, looking around the deck, his head violently swinging from side to side as Rose grows more concerned and the sea raged in its silent but never silent way around them before it launches into the start of ‘The Conversation’. Like MY GOD it’s just so magnificent. Like he could’ve just… launched into the next song. But he lets Samuel and Rose and US THE AUDIENCE linger in that moment, that panic and realization of “Oh fuck.” And it’s just so so chef’s kiss. Each episode of Pulp Musicals is truly an experience and I am so far thoroughly enjoying my first listen of The Ghosts of Antikythera.

[2003daredevil]

Talking to MCU fans in the phase 4 era is purely this

[spaceratprodigy]

messy sketch but. them. :)

@hibernationsuit — 💕💖💕💖🥺💖💕💖💕

HELLOOO??? I AM SQUEALING!! LOOK AT THEM!!!! I am on the floor sobbing rn hello my friend I love you with my whole heart!!!!!!!!

[kaleb-is-definitely-sane]

Please tell me that "art must have only one meaning/interpretation" is not an actual thing people believe T-T. That... I... it's literally the opposite!!!!

[sesamestreep]

Chirrut/Baze, 35

35. It’s brighter now (from this prompt list)

“It needs more lights.”

Baze grunts in both acknowledgement and frustration from his precarious spot at the top of a very tall ladder. “Can you let me get down first before we critique?”

“Sorry, Professor,” Chirrut says, with a smile, clearly unrepentant.

Baze grumbles again, at the glib nickname and at his knees, which are registering their complaint over going up and down a ladder repeatedly. He doesn’t know how he ended up here—well, that’s not entirely true. He knows how he ended up here today in a literal sense. Chirrut had asked him this morning, as they were both getting dressed for work, if he could stop by the community center after he was done with his classes for the day and help him set up the Christmas tree in the lobby. The kids who attend programming at the center will make ornaments and garlands and all that during their art classes and decorate it to their hearts’ content, but someone needed to assemble to enormous fake tree and add the lights. Somehow, this person ended up being Baze.

“What did you used to do about assembling the tree?” Baze had asked earlier, as he moved papers around on his desk looking for his keys. The back half of that question—before you met me—is left unsaid, though Chirrut clearly heard it anyway.

“Grindr,” Chirrut had replied, straight-faced.

Baze had tripped over his own feet and knocked a small hard drive off the desk for good measure. “What?!”

“Idiot,” Chirrut said, lovingly. “Bodhi normally helps me, but it needs to get done this week and he’s busy.”

“Bodhi is busy with something that isn’t catering to your every whim and eccentricity?” he asked. Chirrut’s assistant is, as far as Baze is concerned, an actual saint for the amount of nonsense Chirrut puts him through. He’s convinced Chirrut would forget to eat without Bodhi to remind him. “I can’t believe it.”

“Neither can I,” Chirrut said. “Just between you and me: I think he’s dating someone.”

“Why do you say that?”

“He suddenly has plans outside of work.”

“That’s not that strange.”

“It is for Bodhi,” Chirrut replied. “I’m not complaining. I think it’s good for him.”

“But now you’re realizing how much unpaid overtime you ask of him.”

“I’m a terrible manager,” he said, with a bright grin. “And an even worse boyfriend.”

“I’ll help you with your tree,” Baze had said with a heavy sigh. It’s always pointless to argue with Chirrut. “Just don’t introduce me to people as your boyfriend. It makes us sound like teenagers.”

“We’re not teenagers?” Chirrut had asked, as he slipped his arms around Baze’s waist from behind and kissed him on the shoulder. Against the shell of his ear a moment later, he’d added, “Could have fooled me.”

In the end, they’d both been a little late to work this morning.

Now, safely back on the ground, Baze steps back to survey his work. Chirrut is perched atop the front desk in the lobby, feet swinging like a little kid and gaze fixed on the tree.

“It looks good,” Baze says, but not quite firmly enough. He does think the tree looks good, but the statement still went up at the end like a question. He, stupid man that he is, wants Chirrut’s approval.

“It needs more lights,” Chirrut says, in the exact same tone as before. Pleasant, but brooking no argument.

“You can’t even see it!”

“And still I know it needs more lights.”

“How?”

“I can feel it,” he says. “The tree is too dim.”

“Chirrut…”

“I know, I know. I’m very taxing. But we have more lights. We might as well use them.”

“Fine, but if I fall and die because you insisted on the tree needing more lights on it, when it looked fine already…”

“I’ll feel very silly indeed. They’ll all chuckle at the eulogy I give.”

“I don’t want you anywhere near my eulogy,” Baze grumbles.

“Who else would do it?”

“Leave it to Jyn,” he says, crossing over to the desk, where the extra sets of lights are sitting next to Chirrut. “The service will last five minutes, tops.”

“You would want an expedient funeral.”

“No point in dithering. I’m already dead.”

“Jyn won’t be your graduate student forever, you know…”

“No, but I’ve made the mistake of getting emotionally attached to her, so she’s a permanent fixture, I’m afraid.”

“I like Jyn,” Chirrut says, pleasantly. “Why should you be afraid of admitting that?”

Baze waves a hand, dismissively, even though such a thing is useless around Chirrut. “You know how I am about feelings.”

“You’d just as soon not be burdened by them?”

“Yes,” he replies, pulling out another strand of lights to test at the nearby outlet.

Chirrut snorts. “You know, it’s that kind of attitude that kept you single well into your fifties.”

“‘Well into my fifties!’ I’m fifty-three! And you, if all people, should be happy I stayed single as long as I did.”

“I’m not prone to jealousy,” Chirrut says. “As long as you were single when we met, I would have been happy.”

Baze unplugs the lights rather more savagely than necessary. “Sorry to disappoint you.”

Chirrut’s hand darts out suddenly to grasp him by the wrist. His thumb moves gently over Baze’s pulse point. It’s enough to stall him in his plan to retreat in a huff, and he covers Chirrut’s hand with his own.

“I sometimes feel guilty that I didn’t find you sooner,” Chirrut says, earnestly. “I know that’s foolish, but it is how I feel.”

Baze doesn’t know what to say to that. It’s almost too big of an offering to understand, let alone accept. “You found me,” he says, after a moment. “That’s what matters.”

“Still, we could have had a life together…”

“We have a life together now.”

“You think I’m a silly old man.”

“Yes,” Baze says, squeezing his hand. “And I love you for it.”

“You hear that?” Chirrut asks the empty lobby. “He loves me!”

“A very silly old man,” Baze says, as he feels his own face warm in equally foolish embarrassment.

“More lights!” he chirps, happily, his former earnestness now pleasantly forgotten.

“Is this why you wish we’d met sooner? So tormenting me about the Christmas tree could be a yearly tradition?”

“It still can be! Life is what we make of it!”

Baze groans, but dutifully returns to the tree to add the next strand of lights. He repeats this process until they’ve used every last strand that Chirrut had the staff at the center pull out of storage, and then steps back to admire his handiwork.

“See?” Chirrut asks, even though he himself cannot.

“You were right,” Baze admits, begrudgingly. The tree is bright enough to light the entire lobby now. “It looks better.”

“I’m always right. When will you learn?”

Baze returns to Chirrut’s side. “I’m getting used to the idea.”

“Does this mean I’ll be able to convince you to buy a tree for your place?”

Baze sighs, and turns to face him, letting his head tip forward until their foreheads touch. His hands come to rest on Chirrut’s hips. He doesn’t normally decorate for the holiday, partially because he doesn’t really celebrate Christmas but mostly because he’s just never seen the point. He’d just have to take everything back down in January! That’s far too much effort for his taste. Still, he can already feel himself wavering on that conviction. This compulsive need to make Chirrut happy is really interfering with his reputation as a miserable old bastard.

“I’m fairly certain you could convince me to do almost anything,” he says, and Chirrut’s answering smile is even brighter than the damn tree.

✨

[skinny-mols]

It is Finished.

A graphic I drew for this Good Friday.

Thank you Lord Jesus for your sacrifice.

[yanderestarangel]

HEADCANONS MK1 | YANDERE!TRIO LIN KUEI

A/N: I finally finished this shit.

smut confectionery event ┆cinnamon cake ┆gang bang, degradation, praise, kidnapping. ˖⁺ ⊹୨ "yandere brothers + defenseless darling."୧⊹ ⁺˖ ── SMUT

˖⁺ ⊹୨ 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓹𝓸𝓼𝓽 𝓫𝓮𝓵𝓸𝔀 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓪𝓲𝓷𝓼 𝓭𝓪𝓻𝓴 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓪𝓵𝓵 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓬𝓸𝓷𝓽𝓮𝓷𝓽 𝓪𝓭𝓿𝓮𝓻𝓽𝓲𝓼𝓮𝓭 𝓸𝓷 𝓽𝔀. 𝓹𝓵𝓮𝓪𝓼𝓮 𝓲𝓯 𝔂𝓸𝓾 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓵𝓲𝓴𝓮 𝓭𝓸𝓷'𝓽 𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓭 ୧⊹ ⁺˖

𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓶𝓮𝓷𝓽𝓼 𝓪𝓷𝓭 𝓻𝓮𝓫𝓵𝓸𝓰𝓼 𝓪𝓻𝓮 𝔀𝓮𝓵𝓬𝓸𝓶𝓮 🎀

TW: kidnapping, manipulation, stall syndrome, porn plot, dark smut, afab reader, nicknames like "good boy or good girl" used, praise, degradation, v!sex, blowjob, unprotected sex, breedkink, face fuck, deep throat, rough sex, stimulation, dumbfication, anal sex, degradation, yandere themes, gang bang.

Being in love with someone was complicated, but three people falling in love with the same person was a situation you didn't see every day ─ especially if these three guys in question were the three most powerful in all of China. Bi Han, Kuai Liang and Tomas Vrbada, all eyeing the same person. You. They didn't know who had been first.

Maybe when Bi Han saw you wandering around the Lin Kuei forests alone and picking some fruits, instead of moving you away from his clan's land he felt the strange urgency to help you. You looked like a deer lost in the snow, ready to be devoured by someone predator ─ the grandmaster himself fit this role well, but from that first instance he just helped you pick the apples you needed and let you go, you had messed with his world without even knowing it.

Maybe it could have been Kuai Liang, when he saw you bathing in the waterfall near his house. The white and loose peasant-style dress fell on your shoulders and clung to your curves due to the coolness of the icy water that accumulated on the smooth stones ─ the ninja pyromancer's focus had quickly shifted to your breasts that moved gracefully in the transparent fabric, begging for attention involuntarily. Your nipples hardened from the cold as he looked at the delicate curvature of your pussy, like a flower that was unopened and needed to be explored. The fire ninja didn't dare to come close to you - just watching you from afar, but his heart was racing, warming his body even more.

Or maybe it was Tomas Vrbada when he first saw you helping Madame Bo in her restaurant. You looked beautiful and oblivious to the smoke ninja's eyes that practically burned you, for you he was just another customer on a night with a lot of customers. But to him, you were the image of perfection he sought after the faith he had lost after losing his family too... He watched your graceful movements and even the way you smiled beautifully while serving his table. He felt his smoke powers go out of control each time he looked deeper into you ── it was like looking at a work of Renaissance art, the longer he looked at the more hidden details he could perceive.

Even with the unusual situation, the three brothers decided to make the best decision, join forces and share you. And the best way to stop anyone from having you was a quick kidnapping. After Bi Han asked Sentir to find everything about you, especially where you lived ─ Tomas used his smoke powers to fill your house with a suffocating gas enough to cause you to faint, without much harm to you obviously. Kuai Liang used his fire powers to overheat the door lock and break it, seeing you lying unconscious to it all... Scorpion's arms wrapped around you as he carried you away and his older brother, Bi Han, led their way guaranteed that no one would question anything after all who would question three ninja assassins?

You had gotten in their way, without even realizing it, you had marked your own destiny. Being woken up with restraints on your wrists and tied to a comfortable bed unlike at home was scary for you and especially seeing the three muscular men watching you in the corner of the room, but what could a weak boy/girl like you do? Just accept fate.

The rules were simple, don't try to escape, and respect everyone there. The words that came out of the grandmaster's mouth were sharp and harsh, demanding linear and blind obedience to them. Kuai Liang agreed with his brother, trying to soften his words with "we just want to keep you safe. And if you obey us you will be rewarded for it."

Tomas on the other hand was still insecure and anxious, with an underlying fear of rejection from you, he stayed quiet and let his older brothers talk while he watched everything. They wouldn't touch you for the first few days, making you comfortable enough in your new life. The best food, clothes and treats you could think of you had now ─ it was a prince's/princess's life, only in a bizarre way and in a narrative twisted by their obsessive minds

˖⁺ ⊹୨ How would they act?

Tomas Vrbada

He would be your caretaker while Kuai and Bi Han went on missions for Lord Liu Kang. He was responsible for making sure you didn't try to escape. But this served to bring the two of you closer together, the silver-haired man was soft, a soft giant. He always made a point of asking how you were, if he needed anything and even let you free from the ropes and chains that his brothers put on you to make sure you wouldn't run away from them. "I'll let you go, but you promise you won't run, right?"

He likes to be with you most of the time. He knows how to share you with his brothers but he prefers to be with you and hug you tightly, keep you protected behind his muscles and stroke your hair. The first time you had sex was also with him ─ the ninja felt over the moon when you said that in front of Kuai and Bi Han, making them respect your decision and let the Czech take you first.

You are treated so well when you have sex with him that it makes you forget that they kidnapped you and you are now in a beautiful cage surrounded by soft pillows and luxury ─ his cock is thick and big enough to give affectionate and warm kisses to one of your uterus, making you moan and writhe beneath him with each compliment that accompanies a thrust of his hips deep into your core.

"So beautiful and so tight my prince/princess, I knew you would like this. Open up more for me please... I can't move with your pretty pussy holding me like that.- FUCK!-" Vrbada is sensitive seeing you cling to him, the result of a stalling syndrome because of the situation you were in. He gives you kisses and praises you every time you suck his dick so well, telling you that you can continue and he will do whatever you want later. "Please make me cum, that's-! Yes... Damn such a beautiful and good mouth, you're a great boy/girl." He protects you from any punishment from Kuai or Bi Han, but if you betray his trust and try to escape, he will be extremely disappointed in you and he will treat you coldly and with sarcasm every time you speak, even refusing to keep you company.

"I should have thought of that before trying to escape." Were the words that left his lips as he just gave you a dark look and closed the door to your room, leaving you alone about your actions.

Kuai Liang

Kuai Liang is a bit more stoic and closed off than Tomas. He will just look at you a few times and warn you not to try to run away ─ once again telling the false illusion of you being"safe with them" his personality even as Yandere is the perfect balance between strict and calm.

He will use unconventional methods to get you close to him and gain your trust, whether through manipulation convincing you that being with him and his brothers is the best way to live, where you would be kept beautifully there with them just having to be an obedient boy. or he could also be passive aggressive and intimidate you, telling you how he knew exactly where your friends and family lived and that if you tried to run away from Lin Kuei lands you might get a nasty surprise when you got back home... A subtle but functional threat .

Regardless, when you are mentally corrupted enough to cling to him, the fire ninja will take advantage of this opportunity and make you his for nights on end. Fucking you on a soft mattress surrounded by transparent curtains and the wind that bathed you both ─ he would bite, slap your ass while holding your head against the feather pillow making you arch your back even more towards him and giving him the view of your pussy drooling on his cock.

You knew you couldn't enjoy it so much, after all, that man was also responsible for your kidnapping... But you couldn't resist each strong thrust of Scorpion's super heated cock. Whispering how well you're doing, how he likes to see your body bounce with each thrust, how your pussy drools his cock... How you're his. "All i have to do is talk to u, don't I sweetheart? You're a shaking, beautiful mess, you're soaking the cloths baby boy/baby girl ... And my dick too. You're going to clean me up later with that pretty mouth, aren't you? It is?" Kuai Liang would bury his cock even deeper in your pussy, making you practically see stars and look at the eyes behind your skull, making you milk his cock and grip the sheets beneath you.

"I never thought a cute boy/girl like you would be such a greedy slut for cock..." He taunted again as he spilled his hot seed deep into your womb, filling you to the brim and giving one last bite to your neck. He would take care of you after sex, giving you a hot bath but keeping the chains that prevented you from running away from him ─ he is not easy to manipulate, you can convince him to let you free from the bonds after getting close enough and saying that I would never leave him. However, if you try to escape and he catches you he will definitely punish you, he would be angry enough to breed your pussy all night.

Bi Han and Tomas would only hear the banging of the bed against the wall and the grunts of his pyromancer brother as you were fucked into abandonment, even if you begged him to stop that you would behave he would just hold your neck and smirk. "stop? Oh my little dumb boy/girl, you should have thought of that before you tried to run away like a scared bunny- now spread your legs like the good slut you are and let me fill you up again." Kuai Liang would growl as he spit contemptuously into your pussy, his saliva helping his thick cock slide further in and out of your poor little cunt.

Bi Han

Because he's the oldest and has Napoleon syndrome, he really thinks you're there to serve him. You remember the bittersweet memory of having crossed his path for the first time, but you could no longer complain or beg for mercy. Even with the grandmaster's anger and imminent cruelty, he will be protective of you and give you the most expensive things money can buy ─ a tactic to distract you from the situation you are in now and start seeing him and his brothers as perhaps more than you. that just crazy people obsessed with your love.

He would have you on his lap while he did the paperwork, pulling on the chain that was attached to your neck with every inopportune movement you made or if you tried to get off of him."Be a good boy/girl and stay here okay? I can reward you later, maybe something you've wanted for a long time hm?" The ice ninja would speak, bringing you to him again, looking at your face and giving you an icy, expectant kiss on your cheek ─ like a sunny day that hid a night of heavy storms, that was the definition of your captor.

Sex with him is extremely good, making you turn off your brain with each rough thrust he made into your pussy while you sucked his fingers to muffle your moans. You felt his muscular body against his and how his hoarse moans made your pussy get even more wet and drip onto the floor, while you fought to keep your knees from sinking and falling to the floor. "Fuck- you are so fucking beautiful like this... Begging for a cock to fill you. Such a beautiful boy/girl for your master." Bi Han would moan hoarsely and distribute hickeys on your neck, cupping your soft breasts with his hands while he smiled, pleased to see you accept him so well and without question, the three brothers had corrected your behavior and turned you into their broken and corrupted little doll. One, two or three orgasms, maybe you had even squirted on his cock.

At this point you wouldn't even try to run away anymore, you had three men who loved you in a sick way, a comfortable place and being full of cum every night... You were satisfied with your new life or maybe you just settled.

gang bang with the lin kuei trio.

You were filled with Bi Han's cock in your pussy and Tomas followed behind, fucking your ass with half of his cock, your mouth was occupied with Kuai Liang's cock. You felt your brain go numb and go numb with each joint thrust of the ninja trio into your body.

Bi Han's hands found your clit as you moaned into his brother's member, making him smile sadistically ── they were jointly ruining their precious boy/girl. It was beautiful how fat tears fell from your teary eyes and you couldn't protest or say anything, too busy with the taste of Scorpion's warm musk on your tongue.

The smoke ninja's hands went to your hips as you heard his needy moans and how his dick filled your tight hole even without him even putting it all the way in.

Your womb had cold kisses given by the grandmaster's fat cock, making you lean on Liang's muscular thighs while he pulled your head and made your nose touch his pelvis. The voices mixed in your ears, and you just let yourself be deliciously destroyed by the three men. "You're close... Almost there... But not yet... Not until I feel you cumming around my cock again..." He pants heavily, his breath hot against your ear.

Bi Han’s eyes are almost black with lust, his hands gripping your neck tightly as he continues pounding into you, his thrusts match his younger brother's in your other hole, the two of them practically lift you off the ground while Kuai Liang hits you and enters your throat unceremoniously. "Holy fuck honey... Did you swallow me down to my throat? What a good slut." He groaned as you felt your saliva run from your mouth to your chin, wetting his balls.

Tomas only knew how to moan, and with one final thrust he came inside your tight ass, leaving a wet trail making you moan and the ice ninja who fucked your pussy came inside your uterus, breed your pussy deliciously, like a creampie. Kuai was not far behind and took his cock out of your mouth with a loud pop, cumming on your face and hitting his member on your cheek.

You collapsed against Bi Han's firm chest, while the once dominant hands turned into tender and soft touches, praising you for being so good to them, with their voices telling you to rest a little and have a happy sleep, filled with their seeds.

[celestemona]

WHERE YOU’RE HIS BELOVED S/O

but you don’t respect the law

pairing: neuvillette x fem former gang leader! reader

reblogs and comments are appreciated ♡

when you first started dating Neuvillette, the looks you both got on the street were pure admiration and a touch of envy. after all, it was no wonder why when the two of you exuded an unshakable elegance and the stares you exchanged with each other drew long sighs from even the most unromantic person.

wherever you went together people would whisper in delight, gossiping about your last date and pointing out on how you filled in what the other lacked. from your charming, mysterious personality to Neuvillette's seriousness and honesty, you and him were considered the most famous, beautiful and powerful couple in Fontaine — the definition of perfect for each other.

but many still wondered how the Chief Justice got his heart stole after spending the last few years rejecting any potential partners, because even the most senior citizens of the capital remember only seeing the iudex accompanied only by the eccentric hydro archon, to whom he served more as a responsible guardian than a right hand.

the truth was that for nearly a decade you had been in Neuvillette's crosshairs. or rather, in the crosshairs of the law.

what the hydro nation’s population didn’t imagine was that behind your sweet smiles and kind words was hiding an ambitious, astute woman and former head of one of the most famous illegal organizations in Fontaine with connections throughout Teyvat. and for years you managed to manage and expand your business without the goddess herself being suspicious of all the illegal activities that went on under her nose.

at that time, you didn't know which of the fontanian authorities to watch out for and so you loosened the reins. unfortunately or not, that was your downfall so you couldn't hide from the Chief Justice for very long — in fact, you actually did.

the only relationship that Neuvillette had for all the decades (centuries) he was alive was with his responsibility, therefore, it wasn’t difficult for you to use the art of persuasion and seduction to get rid of the main objectives of the man who was to take you to court and condemn you for your crimes.

for months you've been successful in your escapes, using your wiles, wits and contacts to hide any evidence that could land you in trial.

however, it wasn't until you ended up stumbling into your own trap that you found yourself willingly surrendering to the dragon-man.

it was only when you partially abandoned the illegal business that you then started dating, though. Neuvillette might love you irrevocably but he wouldn't date someone who was involved in fraud or smuggling — besides, you too were tired of your old life and so left your leader's chair to your most faithful and trusted friend.

although you now had a good business as a florist in the hydro capital, you still pulled strings to smuggle some rare flowers from Sumeru or seeds only found in the heart of Natlan to your shop. Neuvillette would usually stare at you in disapproval, but then forget to give you a lecture for the way you managed to distract him with kisses and sweet talk.

“last time this month, my love. i promise."

“ma chérie, you said that last week.”

“i know i know! but do you know Colette? that kind lady who always offers us the freshest macarons from her thursday batches? she loved the popularity of Kalpalatas in her bakery and made me an order of sixty of them, can you believe that? Kalpalatas are not easy to find, mon amour. no no.”

Neuvillette could only sigh in weariness, the silver engagement ring on his right ring finger glinting as he pinched the bridge of his nose.

“make sure the goods arrive before dawn on tuesday.”

smiling mischievously you declared “i love you.”

even if this new life was quite different from your original character, no one could dispute how it fit you so well. even your former subordinates had only positive comments to make about how the domestic routine suited you. and you really wouldn't change a thing about it because you were never as happy as you were with the man who lay down beside you every night, and dawned with his arms tightly around you.

if anything, you wouldn't change anything in your life because that way you would never meet Neuvillette.

even if there was still so much difference between the two of you, there couldn't be a better relationship of companionship and understanding than that.

that must be the reason why that instead of running away again, you preferred to be caught.

[hunnylagoon]

Right Where You Left Me

Pt 4: The Sweetest Thing to Ever Scare You (Finale)

Ellie Williams x reader

I remember when I first saw you. I remember looking into your warm almond eyes and feeling butterflies in my stomach. But soon, when I looked into your eyes, I no longer felt the same warmth that I once knew. It felt as though you had killed all of the butterflies inside my stomach but yet, I still loved you.

Premise: You and Ellie are childhood best friends until you drift apart. Funny thing about soulmates is they tend to find their way back to each other. You and Ellie try to end the tireless war between you.

Warnings: Angst / drinking / violence / not really religious mentions in this one

Part one here!

Part two here!

Part three over here!

Guys I thought I posted this two days ago but I actually just saved it to drafts. Sorry for being an idiot lmao

I think that I have unlearned how to love.

That’s not even a word but there is no other way to tell you that I have turned myself cold.

Without partying to distract me and religion to fill in gaps of emptiness, I isolate myself and begin to write once again. I'm almost certain that my body has been telling me to write, that I need to pour myself into art as opposed to a girl I was friends with a million years ago.

I figure that I need to create rather than destroy but it might take me a while to do so.

The morning after I abandoned my faith on the church floor, I had woken up and expected Ellie to be gone, however, she was wide awake and playing subway surfers on her phone. Her hair is messy and her eyes are half-lidded. 

She turns to look at me when she feels the shuffling of the bedsheets; despite her doing nothing more than smile at me it is like an understanding passed between us, war is over.

Almost.

It's like I've forgotten how to be soft, I can't manage to get the words out that I need to, and the thought of it alone makes me cringe. "Breakfast?" I ask, unsure of what else to say.

Ellie passes on it and I awkwardly excuse myself, saying that I got called in to take a brunch shift at work. Of course, this is not true. What I do is get into my car and drive and drive until I get mad at myself for burning gas. 

The war between Ellie and I had ended but it didn't register in my head, I almost fell in love with it. Without the constant arguing and passive aggressiveness, there was nothing to put a wall between us and I wasn't ready to be vulnerable again. 

So I begin to feed Ellie the ugliest parts of me; I show her everything I'm sure she will hate but she doesn't, she's patient and shows me the kindness I have been looking everywhere for. Still, I am cold to her, I don't know what else to do. 

I try to push her away all over again but this time, she doesn't let me. Ellie comes into my room when I'm studying to sit on my bed so that she can be in proximity to me. Sometimes she'll ask me if I want to go for a walk or a late-night gas station run, all of the things we used to do.

When I'm angry at her, she lets it happen, she won't escalate the fight all she does is apologize and does what she can to fix it. Everything feels like it's in order again, Joel even starts to send me little text messages to check in on me and sends me Facebook memes that make him think of me.

As of now, we are setting up for Dina's twenty-first birthday. The living room, typically a space for casual gatherings and movie nights, had undergone a transformation. Vibrant streamers adorned the walls, and an array of balloons in assorted hues scattered themselves along the floor "Are balloons too childish?" Abby asks as she walks out of her bedroom.

"They better not be after I just spent half an hour doing all of these," Cat answers, giving her a scornful glare.

"They look great, Cat," I smile and give her a thumbs-up from where I am in the kitchen dumping bags of chips into bowls. "Should I make a veggie platter?"

Cat furrows her eyebrows "If you can finish it by yourself, sure."

"Cat, we aren't children, adults eat vegetables," Abby takes a seat on the couch behind Cat, investigating the hard work she's put into making the living room look nice for just one night "Isn't it weird that Dina is organizing her own surprise party?"

I shrug, placing a wooden cutting board down on the kitchen counter "I don't blame her, I don't think we've always been one hundred percent reliable, me specifically."

"But it's not a surprise if she knows about it."

"So?" Cat asks.

"So why are we calling it a surprise party if it isn't a surprise?"

"Why not?"

"Well, why can't we just call it a party?"

"I don't think it matters," I cut in, I begin to peel carrots and slice them up into quarters. Ellie comes out of her bedroom, she took a nap after completing her physics presentation, her hair in a messy bun, and she's in her typical pyjama uniform of sweats and a hoodie. "Hey, Ellie," I smile at her.

She rubs some sleep away from her green eyes "Hey," Ellie walks over to the kitchen island where I slice and chop vegetables and sits right in front of me. Even half asleep she looks like a statue of marble carved by a skilled hand.

Abby raises an eyebrow, asking 'When did you guys become friends?' without saying it and then it hits me like the plane in Lost. Ellie still hasn't told anyone about our history, our sixteen years of friendship is invisible to the eyes of those who think they know us well.

I'm broken from my thoughts when Abby speaks up "When are you picking up the cake?"

My heart drops "I'm not?"

Cat and Abby cast one another side glances while Ellie snatches a cucumber off my cutting board "Dina was handing out duties and you said you would take care of the cake."

I freeze, unsure of what to say "Nuh-uh." I shake my head like a child denying blame for breaking her mother's favourite dish.

"Yuh-huh," Cat shoots back. "How could you forget that?"

My mind fumbles for an excuse and somehow I land on "I forgot because I went temporarily insane from Lyme disease," What am I saying? "I got Lyme disease because I go camping in secret," I don't camp "And I never told you guys that I go camping because I'm deeply ashamed of it."

Now everyone looks perpetually confused, Ellie included "What are you talking about?" Abby asks, her eyebrows furrowed.

"Okay-well," I place my knife flat on the counter by the wooden cutting board, ignoring the odd spiel I just went on "I'm going to drive to-

"You dropped your car off for a suspension repair yesterday," Abby reminds me.

"Ellie is going to drive me to get a cake," I correct myself "I will be back to finish making my veggie plate." I quickly rinse my hands before grabbing Ellie's keys from the little jewelry dish on the island and yank the sleeve of her hoodie to pull her along.

Ellie doesn't say anything, she slips into some Crocs and we walk outside to her car. "Where are we headed?"

"Uh, hang on," In Ellie's passenger seat, I go on Google Maps to look up the closest bakeries that are still open at this hour, there are two, one a couple of streets away and the other one is across town and closing in twenty minutes. "Infectious Confections," I wrinkle my nose "That's a weird fucking name."

While Ellie tries to make conversation in the car I only speak when giving her directions to the bakery. She knows something is up and I can tell by the way she keeps glancing at me. I just can't manage to get it out of my head that she's still keeping me a secret. 

She pulls up to the bakery and I get out before she even turns her car off, she pulls the keys out of the ignition and trails behind me through the doors.

The bakery itself was rustic and clean, there were two display cases and tills one of the displays held danishes, croissants, cookies, scones and whatever those little swirly flakey things are called. The other display had a big chalk menu above it that read 'Cakery' Though what was in the display case was very sparse.  

"Hi," I walk up to the till, putting on the friendly smile and customer service voice that I usually only use at work. "This is pretty short notice but I was wondering if you had any cakes left or if I could get one made for today?"

The guy behind the counter is a scrawny teenager who looks like he has had a long enough day of dealing with annoying customers "We close in half an hour, there's not enough time to bake and decorate a cake." He explains it like he's said this to a million people, he's bored of the same phrases that his manager has scripted out for him.

"Any shot that someone didn't pick up their cake?" I ask, fingers crossed in the hope that he says yes.

"Let me talk to my manager," His voice drags on, and he turns around and disappears through a commercial kitchen door. I wait patiently, hands balled together in front of me as I rock back and forth on my heels. A minute or two later he comes back holding a bright blue cake with pink detailing of bows and mustaches, there's text on it that reads 'It's a...' gender reveal cake. "This is all we have left, they cancelled last minute.

I look back at Ellie to get her opinion, her eyebrows are furrowed slightly "Maybe we good just get some of those cupcakes and smush them together and smear the icing so it looks like a cake."

I wave her off "I'll buy it," I say this only because it is 5:41 and with each passing minute I am growing desperate, also I don't want Jesse to be disappointed that I fumbled the cake and ruined his girlfriend's birthday.

Angsty teenager puts the bright blue monstrosity into a cake box and charges me an absurd total for it, I bitterly tap my card on the machine. 

As I walk back out to Ellie's car I take a brief moment to look at the sky, it's the same hue as cotton candy and looks as if it had been projected from a watercolour painting, even after I get back into the car and Ellie begins to blast her old dad rock songs, I can't tear my eyes away from it.

After five minutes of silence from my end, Ellie finally asks the question that's been burning into the forefront of her brain "Why are you being weird?"

"Why haven't you told anyone that we met before we moved in together?"

Her dark eyebrows furrow "You haven't told anyone either-

"Yes, I have."

"Who?"

"Yara, Stacy, Kayla, Mitch, Nigel, Carmen, literally everyone from my work," I admit "I just haven't told people who know you personally so it can't make its way back to you because you clearly don't want people to know."

She falls silent, searching her mind for the right words. She clutches the steering wheel tight and looks dead ahead at the car's bumper-to-bumper ahead of us. "I just know how to slip it into conversation."

"I don't think it's that hard, you can just say that we were friends, you don't need to give an intricate play-by-play of everything that happened."

"Why is it important that people know if we're cool again?"

I turn my head to slowly look at her "You are the one who always said 'If we don't have honesty, we have nothing at all'," I point out.

Silence strings between us again, I almost want to throw up.

'We're cool again' Nope, not anymore, we are so very far from cool. Instead of Ellie casting me little glances as she had on the ride there, she ignores my presence almost completely while I glare daggers at her. Was she embarrassed by me? When we went to lunch together why did she lie to Dina about where she was? When she slept in my bed why did Cat ask me if I knew why Ellie came home at eight AM with nothing, not even a key? Did she crawl through my bedroom window to walk around to the front door and pretend she was just getting home?

AND WHY DIDN'T I CALL HER OUT?

She was keeping me a secret and that realization hurt worse than any injury I had ever suffered. She hasn't even told her dead who practically raised me that we lived together. 

God, we weren't even anything and she was keeping me under wraps like I was some disgraceful secret that she would get shamed for holding. The very second she approached our house, I got out of her car, she hadn't even stopped it completely but cake in hand, I hopped out of her car door and didn't look back.

I think I've had my fair share of partying.

After that month-long bender I had where I went to clubs every night and replaced food with vodka, I never wanted to even look at another solo cup full of liquor. Instead of drinking, smoking, or doing karaoke, I hide from Ellie.

I hide from her in conversations and sometimes sneak into my bedroom just to get a bit of breathing room from all of the strangers in my house. Wherever Ellie was, I was not. If she was outside, I was inside, if she was in the living room, I was in the kitchen enjoying my veggie platter. 

Have you ever been the only sober person around in a group of people? If the answer is no, have you ever babysat a houseful of toddlers? Because it's just about the same thing.

When I'm not hiding from the girl who wriggled her way back into my good graces just to trip herself off the podium, I'm cleaning up, protecting our furniture, holding back hair as girls I've never met sob into the toilet, and stopping the drunk from doing stupid things. 

"Hey, buddy," I take my can of hairspray that this frat-adjacent man is holding behind an ignited lighter "I don't think you would look good as a burn victim," His friends moan in disappointment as I do so, they were very excited to see a makeshift flamethrower; I wasn't in the mood to have my house burn down, or have a guy with peach fuzz waste my thirty dollar hair spray. 

Thirty dollars?

Note to self for later: Make smarter spending choices (And smarter relationship choices!).

I felt a tap on my shoulder only to turn around and see Dina, she wasn't drunk, just tipsy "Smile!" She holds up a camera to her eye and clicks the shudder button before I even have a chance to react the flash goes off. A large Polaroid begins to print out, Dina snatches it and shakes it until you can see my silhouette, my eyes are wide, my hair flying behind me from the quick turn of my head and I'm holding a can of hairspray angled to look like I'm going to spray the camera with it "Cute!" She smiles, tucking it into her pocket for later "Wait, I want a group picture of the roommates."

Dina takes my hand and pulls me to one of the couches where Ellie and Abby sit with some guy, she shoes him to get up and drags Cat over to replace him, she stands me in between Ellie and Abby and lightly pushes me down to sit wedged between the two.

"Jesse, please do not do me dirty with this picture," She hands the pink Polaroid camera to her boyfriend and quickly ushers herself to the far left of the couch where she bends over to kiss Cat on the cheek for the picture. Ellie and I are stiff and awkward when the flash goes off. 

After the picture is taken, Ellue turns to face me just the slightest "Hey, I think we should talk-

"I think it's time for cake!" I push myself off the couch and usher myself to the kitchen. 

I pull the cake out of the fridge, looking at what I had done to salvage it; Below the part that said 'It's a...' I wrote '21 year old!' in chocolate pre-made Betty Crocker icing that I had in the fridge for months, it didn't look the best, but it could've been worse.

Dina, of course, cackles when she sees it. To her, it is the funniest thing she's seen all night. I stick the candles in and light it with the light I confiscated from peach fuzz frat boy and push the cake towards Dina after tucking the light back into my pocket, she is illuminated in the glow of iPhone flash all filming her.

"Make a wish!"

Age Sixteen- Grade 11

I think back to how embarrassing it felt to be thoughtful.

How fragile I felt when I would share my feelings and how frail I seem when I do it now. Ellie was always tougher than I was, in rugby, in fights, just in general. That's why I figured she would be taking it better than me when I cut contact, once again I have been proven wrong.

"Conner, can we please just leave?" I pleaded with my then-boyfriend. The night had started fine but after a couple of drinks Ellie and I were becoming increasingly hostile to one another, it wasn't my intention to speak to her but the universe forced my hand when we were shoved into a circle of our friends and made to converse around the bonfire at the beach.

The salty breeze carried the sounds of laughter and the gentle crashing of waves, the scent of roasted marshmallows wafted through the air.

 "What, you need your boyfriend's permission or something?" Ellie held a can of berry blast Smirnoff, staring into my soul from the other side of the fire, the sparks glitter through the night like fireflies. Her words don't feel too bad but they don't feel too good either.

I cast her a glare before I looked back to my boyfriend "Please?" 

He is getting perpetually annoyed with me he shrugs away from my grasp, "Fuck off, we just got here," He mutters, Conner must think I couldn't hear it. He had already downed three Bud lights and a couple of shots of cheap vodka, now he is nursing another beer in hand. 

"Excuse me?" I say, narrowing my eyes. Everyone around the fire pauses their conversation to tune into mine. "Come on," I stand up and try to pull him along so we can have a conversation away from the prying eyes of our friends.

I can't pull the mass of the 6'2 quarterback along with me but he obliges and follows me where I yank him. As I drag him along the rest of the group giggle and makes jokes along the lines of 'Trouble in paradise' but Ellie is the only one who doesn't jump back into mindless conversation, her unnerving eyes are still on me while I chew my boyfriend out by the shoreline. 

"Why do I have to leave just because you're feeling a little bummed out?" 

I'm almost floored at out someone can lack so much empathy "Because you're my boyfriend?" I can feel myself tensing up.

"Why does that mean you can't get up and leave on your own?" He defends "You begged me to come here and now I just wanna down a couple of beers and hang out with my friends."

"You've already drank like twenty!" I retort.

"It's a fucking party!" Conner says, raising his voice "It's a party and it's summer and you're seriously trying to tell me not to have fun?"

"Fuck!" I shout in frustration "Why don't you ever call me? Why can't you ever let me in?" The argument is quickly escalating "Why didn't you tell me that you kissed Tamar and why haven't you told me that you love me?"

"Because I don't."

My words fail me. I knew he didn't, I knew that he hardly even liked me. My dad had thought so highly of him, she said he was the type of guy to rescue a baby from a burning building but as I look at him now, I figure that he eats babies.

I almost open my mouth to say something different, almost, but I don't. The rest of my life might have turned out differently if I didn't, I might've been able to salvage the rotting corpse of my relationship with Ellie but I didn't. "Fine," I say, voice calm and quiet "Let's stay."

Before that night I had never really gotten drunk but the second I got back to the bonfire, I was digging through the cooler and shotgunning canned Smirnoff. "Woah," Riley laughs "Someone's finally being a bad influence."

I got myself so shit-faced that when everyone else got up to dance to the music blaring through the Bluetooth speaker, I sat by myself at the shoreline, looking bitterly out towards to ocean while the tides crash at my feet and get sucked back into the ocean. For a moment I think about jumping in and letting my lax body get washed away and sink beneath the surface until I wash up as a water-bloated corpse that some nine-year-old will find when they're beach combing.

My mouth tastes like peroxide and blood, my lungs burn with a red-hot pain. The wind is becoming increasingly harsh and I ignore the hair that is tangled into my golden hoop earrings.

"Wow, you look awful," I don't need to turn around to know who it is.

"Can you just fuck off?" I say "I don't give a shit about you, just leave me alone."

She always had to antagonize me, Ellie went out of her way to stray from the group and bother me. It had something to do with the alcohol in her system. Despite her alleged hatred for me, she takes a seat next to me regardless.

"Fuck, you're so sensitive," She scoffs "I don't know why you're dating him, I'm not even sure why you'd want to fuck him unless you're too lazy to jerk off-

My hands think before my head and I deck Ellie right in the side of her face, getting a solid hit to her cheekbone. My hand flies over my mouth "I'm sorry, I-

Ellie doesn't waste any time in lunging back at me, she pushes me down by my shoulders until my back is in the shallow of the water that moments ago just splashed at my feet and takes a swing. The impact of her punch almost knocks me sober.

I take a sharp inhale, grabbing her elbows and pulling her down to where she was the one on her back and I was the one straddling her. I land one last blow to her nose, I hear a crunch and the panic immediately sends me scrambling to my feet. My eyes go wide at the blood dripping down, her face I turn to run but Ellie is faster, she grabs me by my hair and yanks me down further into the water with her. 

"Fucking cunt!" I cry, though my scream is drowned out by the overwhelmingly loud tides crashing on the shore "Get the fuck off me!" 

Ellie is better at fighting than I am, I had never been on this side of her before, usually, I had been the one to drag her away from fights but now I am the one who is going to stumble home numb from the devastating pain.

Frankly, I'm fucking scared.

She continues to drag me by my hair until I'm knee-deep in the water with her, she almost throws her entire weight into me, dunking me beneath the surface where her bony hands snake around my neck. My eyes have gone blurry with the salt water, they sting and burn. I can't see anything, all I can do is uselessly thrash beneath her. My hands push against her face, trying to pry her off my body. 

Eventually, I manage to claw her face with my fingernails, I dig deep enough that it breaks skin and she recoils just enough for me to knee her in the stomach and let me get out from under her. Just as I try to slip away she reaches for my hair again, but instead of tugging on my hair, she rips out my gold hoop earring. I screech out in agony, hand reaching for where the metal sliced through the lobe of my ear, I shudder in pain; my cries are now jagged and harsh.

This is the exact moment Ellie begins to regret what she's done. "Fuck, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to." Her tone softens and she tries to approach me but I back away from her like a frightened dog.

"Get away from me!" Despite the pain surging in my body, I find the strength in me to hit her again, she staggers back tripping into the water. I hit her so hard that I feel a crack in my knuckle and I yelp out in the immediate shock of pain. 

I wasn't sure when the others had noticed this was happening probably because my vision had gone blurry from salt water and adrenaline but before Ellie could hit me again, she was being restrained by Riley and Kennedy while some guy who I had probably had two conversations with dragged my back to shore.

I keel over on my hands and knees and begin to start retching onto the sand. Laila rubs a gentle hand on my back, my hair sticking wet on my forehead. A seagull, disturbed by the commotion, took flight, its wings cutting through the charged air. 

Next to the pile of vomit I just heaved, blood drips down from my ear, pooling and then soaking into the sand. My neck swells from what is still the raw sensation of Ellie closing her hands around it. 

I look up at Ellie, there is blood that has dripped its way into her mouth, clinging to her white teeth. She has what almost looks like a cat scratch running down her cheek, blood begins to prick and spill from the lacerations.

She stares back at me and we don't say a word but we understand each other clearly, I never want to see you again.

"Let's go," Ellie grabs my arm as Dina begins to slice the cake "We're gonna fix this right now."

"Ellie, there are so many people here," I say in a hushed tone so people can't hear me.

"I don't mean here," She looks at me, face expressionless "Just get in my car."

"Excuse me?" I say, tone accusing "Did you just order me to get in your car?"

"Fuck," She sighs, dropping my wrist to rub her hands down her face "Please can you get in my car so we can work this through."

"There's nothing to work through," I retort "You're embarrassed by me or you still secretly hate me and that's fine, I meant what I said on winter break about the lease, the second it's up, I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"What? No, don't- just," She takes a breath, reevaluating what to say "I have a point to make but I can't make it unless you get in my car."

We stare at each other for a moment, I narrow my eyes and she is still unmoving. Every scenario runs through my head of what could be waiting for me in that car.

"Fine."

I sit silently in her passenger seat, my knees are pulled into my chest and I rest my chin on them. Ellie doesn't say anything either as she drives. I watch each traffic light pass me, every street name to try and make sense of where we are going.

I almost feel like I'm going to suffocate beneath the silence of everything going left unsaid.

When I spot the boardwalk up ahead, I know exactly where she's taking me "Ellie, why are we at the beach?" I give her a side glance "Do I need to take out my earrings?"

Heat rises to her cheeks when I say this, "Not yet," She jokes, getting out of her car and grabbing a tote bag from the back seat, and I follow in tow.

We walk past the boardwalk and onto the sandy beach, I'm already not feeling whatever she's doing; there is sand filling up my Converse and a slight wind chill, I'm really wishing I had a hoodie right now. "Can you tell me what we're doing yet?" I'm hugging myself in an attempt to stay warm "If we're still walking on the beach why couldn't we have just walked on the boardwalk instead? It literally has walk in the name." I'm already going off on one of my tangents.

She still walking ahead of me but she briefly turns around to face me "Can you just stop asking questions for a minute?"

"Okay, whatever," I mutter, trailing behind her still. I can hardly see in the night, the only light to guide us is the moon and the warm ceiling lamps from restaurants along the boardwalk. I can vaguely see Ellie's silhouette, she's outlined by the gentle glow radiating off the moon, I try my best not to stumble over things poking out of the sand that have been lost to sight by darkness. 

"Okay," Ellie stops, "Here we are."

"Where are we?" I ask "I can't see shit, I don't know where here is."

Ellie digs around in her pocket for her phone and turns on a flashlight and it reveals a small iron firepit that was cemented into a slab of concrete in the sand. She hands me her phone so I can keep the flash on her and she can see what she's doing. 

She pulls out some pages ripped out from her notebook "Can you hand me your lighter?"

My eyebrows furrowed, and I felt around in my pocket wondering if I even had one. I did, it had slipped my mind that I still had the bic lighter that I confiscated from Peach Fuzz. I hand the lighter to her and watch as she tucks the pages beneath logs that were in the firepit before we arrive, they are somewhat charred but still viable.

She flicks the lighter to ignite it and the paper catches immediately. The initial flicker grew into a tentative blaze, licking at the edges of the kindling. The crackling sound echoed through the night. 

Once she is sure the fire can survive without her feeding it, she steps away. "Alright, let's have it out."

"Like sex?" I scrunch up my nose.

"Oh my god, no, like let's talk this through." She pinches her nose bridge, taking a breath in before exhaling and putting her hand back down "We're gonna recreate the night of the bonfire how it should've been," Ellie reached back into her bag and pulled out two white claws "I snagged these from Dina's party, sorry this was kind of last minute."

I can't help the smile that grows on my face, I take one of the white claws and crack it open "I don't know how authentic this is gonna be if there isn't any canned Smirnoff."

I think back to exactly how that night played out and I take a seat on the sand, facing the crashing dark ocean. I sip my white claw, as expected Ellie takes a seat next to me, just what happened on the actual night.

"Wow," She says "You look really pretty and I'm an idiot for ever saying you looked awful," Ellie looks gorgeous illuminated by the orange light of the fire, and the breeze causes her flyaway hairs to drift in the wind. "I'm an asshole for pretending that I didn't know you, I was scared I would get hurt again and take it to heart like I did last time. I promise the second we get home that I'll come clean."

I don't know if I can deal with this sugary philosophy. She's being so sweet that it's rotting my teeth.

"Ellie," I say gathering my thoughts, it was so hard being honest with my feelings, it felt like I would get hospitalized if I showed any emotion. "I was so in love with you in high school that it killed me, and I was terrified that my parents would throw me out well, they did- but that's why I pushed you away and there isn't a day that goes by where I don't regret it." 

The surprise on her face morphs into a soft smile "What about now?" she asks "Do you still love me?"

I shrug, it's honest "I dunno, but I think there's room to try."

She looks from me to the ocean and the way the moonlight glitters off the surface "What happened next?" Ellie toys with the tab of her drink "Did you hit me?"

"Yeah," I say softly, following her gaze out to the waters "But if we're doing the night how it should've been, I'd rather just kiss you."

Ellie turns her head back to look at me. She shoves her white claw into the sand then takes my face into one of her hands and kisses me like it's her job, so tender and carefully like she's afraid I will break beneath pressure.

How weak have I become? My heart is so full of her that I can hardly call it my own.

A/N: Be grateful for this ending because I was very tempted to give you guys an unhappy one. Sorry that I forgot to post this lol, I’m sad this series is over but excited to show you all my next one which may be the angst-iest yet 👀

Thanks for reading!

Tag list: @elliesaturnsoftdrink @elliesaesp @melanie-watermelon @yalaysbee @laundrybag29 @readbydayana @skylerwhitwyo @lmaoo-spiderman @joliettes @kittnii @taylorgracies @sameenatruther @mikellie @belles-hell @fullmachinegirl @eveshyper @whosmica

[katakaluptastrophy]

One thing that has me gnawing on the metaphorical drywall is that Abigail Pent apparently never learned just how awful Jod is.

There she is, in the River, murdered by one of god's fingers and gestures, having been invited to the First so that she could kill her husband and eat his soul and...she's triggering Harrow by exclaiming that "The King Over the River is good!" when she learns some people survived.

Having worked out that there is something fundamentally, practically, metaphysically wrong with the River she...just assumes poor old god doesn't know and could do with some Cliff Notes.

And then there's the battle with the Sleeper. She's hiding from a mad, gun-wielding ghost, her husband shot in the stomach on the other side of the room, and her carefully planned exorcism in pieces, and Ortus begins to recite the Noniad. And realising the impossible thing he wants her to do, Abigail - who pages earlier expressed her doubts about god's omnipotence, prays: “Oh, God... God, please help me” (which makes her the only character who isn't a literal priest or member of a religious order who we see praying).

When she describes her childhood bedroom to Harrow, everything she mentions sounds like something of significance to her: her grandfather's bones, her desk, the bed where her brother sometimes slept, and "a pretty chroma of the Prince Undying, but a little cockeyed." (think mass produced 1950s Sacred Heart picture and you're probably not far off...)

Despite having formative memories of having weird devotional art in her bedroom, Abigail is miles away from that other enjoyed of Jod pictures in their living space, Silas Octakiseron. She's open about her heterodox views, and clearly has the knowledge to back them up (including, it should be noted, at least one degree taken on the Eighth). And she clearly has form with going off on a heterodox tangent, as Magnus seems to have a well-rehearsed pattern for bringing her back to an acceptable line. And while she's happy to acknowledge that her views aren't orthodox, she's not being pointlessly controversial: she doesn't mind being a heretic, but she's rather upset by the idea that Marta might think her a mad one.

Marta, meanwhile, is one of several characters who show us that Abigail's intensity isn't just the result of living in a theocracy: “No. The Second House doesn’t overthink the River...If we did we’d just have to fill in forms.” Meanwhile, Ianthe is clearly thinking about dogma with an eye less to worship than replication.

And maybe it's because I know a lot of people who are devout but heterodox, and in relationships only tenuously accepted in their tradition (or only in their specific bit of the tradition)...but I just have a lot of feelings about Abigail here. Someone who's willing to be frank and informed about the complexities inherent in her belief system, but who seems to be committed to her faith. She seems so willing to think the best of Jod, to pray to him even when she's intellectually aware it may not be quite that straightforward and...he doesn't give a shit. He isn't god. He's a stupid little man who looks down on the humanities and I wish Abigail Pent got the chance to say something devastating to him.

[destructive-path]

Time to pretend - E.W.

summary- You and Ellie pretend to be someone your not for each others sake.

a/n: This isn’t my best work but I was so stuck on the concept I had to see it through. I hope you enjoy nonetheless. This isn’t proofread pls dont come for me im lazy.

tags -NSFW. 18+ ONLY MDNI. vers!ellie , sub!reader, smoking marijuana , drinking, talks of sex, SMUT , fingering , humping , college!ellie , college!reader, somewhat shy!reader and a deliciously cocky!ellie…acquaintances to lovers type beat. Ellie needs it BAD omg.

“How many days has it been now?”

Your auburn haired acquaintance stumbles in to the chair next to you. The harsh dropping of her backpack on the classroom floor makes you flinch, you can feel the negative aura oozing off her. She looks exhausted, mind body and soul. Her hair is half way tied back in a low effort bun and strands of hair frame her face messily. A soft huff of air leaves her lips in a upwards gust due to the protruding of her jaw, the strands of hair slightly part in a way that makes her face more visible. She shakes the remainder of the loose hair out of her face to where you can see her face more prominently.

A soft purple hue decorates the underside of her eyes, giving away the lack of sleep she must have received last night. While you feel bad for her current state, you cant help but notice how it almost suits her. How someone could make looking like you just had the life sucked out of you so appealing, was beyond you. You cursed whatever god that didn’t bless you with the ‘effortlessly attractive in any scenario’ gene. She brings the heels of her hands to her eyes and rubs the heaviness of her lids away to the best of her ability, then turns towards your direction and watches as you calculate the answer to her question in your head.

“Twelve.”

You sigh after a moment. Bracing yourself for her reaction, knowing your answer would only further the helplessness you sensed from the woman.

“Shit.”

Twelve days.

Twelve miserable days since you and Ellie (the woman to your left) had been dumped by your partners.

You two should’ve seen it coming.

You and Ellies significant others were best friends. Thats how you and Ellie met for the first time. You remember the way your ex went on and on about how amazing their best friend was. How close they had been since a young age, and how she had been there for them through thick and thin. It was hard for you to not feel some sort of jealousy, how could you live up to that standard when the position seemed to be filled already? You shook it off and put your faith in your partner, surely nothing would happen between the duo if it hasn’t already, right?

Wrong.

On the night you had planned to meet your Exs ‘bestie’ they had warned you it was going to be a double date. However, 10 minutes after your arrival, you realized your companion for the evening would not be your own. The two were, to say the least, close. Very close. You werent sure how you had gone this long without meeting her in the first place. Of course you had heard lots about your exs friend, but the honey moon phase had consumed you two, prolonging you meeting the person they held in such high regard. Coincidentally, it wasnt a problem between the friends. Just as you and your Ex became close so did Ellie and the infamous “bestie”. Leaving the four of you to become wrapped up in your relationships until that day.

During that first double date you got to know a little bit about Ellie because your partners had completely ditched the both of you to catch up. They were so wrapped up in one another they had forgotten to introduce you and Ellie. Luckily they didn’t need to, you recognized her from your art history course.

You had seen some of Ellies art here and there, particularly taking a liking to her sculptures. She was infamous for being good with her hands…in more ways than one.

Throughout the night you and Ellie would get to know each other due to the nature of your significant other’s conversation. Their banter was filed with long stories about things the other missed during the last few months. You will never forget what Ellie whispered in your ear that night. You two had become so consumed in watching them interact a little too intimately that Ellie leaned into you and whispered a soft

“I think we are in trouble”

nodding towards the increasingly affectionate “platonic” duo, sealing your fate.

Fast forward to twelve days ago. The day on which you and Ellie had found out your partners were leaving you, for each other.

It was hard to ignore. The constant hangouts with the four of you had become default. You never saw your partner without the other two accompanying you. Awkward moments you and Ellie would share became so regular that you began to hang out on your own every once and awhile. It was always something small like studying at a local coffee shop, or walking to your art history class together. One day when Ellie didn’t meet up with you at your usual spot before class and when you went to give her a call, you were met with a text on your screen that read;

911. ditch class. come to mine. ASAP.

Upon your arrival to Ellies you were winded from running/jogging/speed walking across campus. After a sturdy knock on Ellies door you were met with a disheveled looking Ellie and two guilty looking faces sitting on the couch that belonged to your partners. Ellie grabs your wrist and pulls you to them.

“Tell them.”

Shes shooting an icy stare at the pair that deepens their look of guilt. After a few moments of silence they muster enough courage to tell you they had fallen in love and wanted to give things a “shot”. Amongst other excuses that made your skin crawl. Things like “We owe it to ourselves to be happy” and “We don’t know what happened” and “Its nothing you did.” Ellie didn’t let the act go on for too long before kicking the pair out after hearing enough.

Leaving you two to where you were now. Single and miserable in art history class.

“Yeah. Its crazy you think I would feel a little better by now, but something about someone you thought you were in love with leaving you for her their best friend really makes this whole healing process much worse.”

“Well at least you don’t have to feel that pain by yourself right? I mean you could always be suffering alone, but at least we both feel like death.”

“So true, thanks for having a shitty ex so I don’t have to be miserable and lonely alone, Ellie.”

“Anytime”

Theres a new lightness to you both. The self deprecating humor paints a little color back into Ellies dreary demeanor. Truth is, you were grateful to have each other, but you both would be lying if you said you didn’t miss your ex’s. There was too many good times, intimate moments shared that you both couldn’t shake from your heads. You both wish things would go back to the way things were, but that would never happen. So instead you coped together.

___________________

As class came to an end, you and Ellie had gathered all your things and walked towards the door. With each step out the classroom, you began to dread the oncoming depressive episode due to the loneliness that is going home to an empty apartment. These last few days the pit in your stomach had grown so large anytime you were alone you were afraid the hole would consume you.

“Hey, Can I maybe come over to yours for a bit? I really don’t feel like being alone.”

You ask Ellie in a pitiful tone. Your pleading eyes meet her tired ones as you wait for a reply. She smiles at you, Ellie enjoys that she can be your saving grace in these trying times.

“Of course. Plus I may have already gotten us a frozen pizza…Wanna get high and watch a movie while shoving our faces with unhealthy food?”

You smile softly and follow Ellie out the building. Ellie was always thoughtful like this. You had never met someone so caring, so willing to be of service whenever you needed.

“Sounds perfect, Ill bring the ice cream, and the tequila. Can I crash on your couch? I plan on getting more crossed than Jesus.”

She laughs at this and pats the side of your arm in a teasing nature. You twist dramatically as if the pat affected you more than it actually did, it’s playful.

“Yeah no problem, See you in a few?”

You agree with a nod, then turn on your heels to go to your place to grab a overnight bag.

———-

You arrive at Ellies place bags in hand. After shuffling your belongings to free your hand, you give the door a rhythmic knock and wait for her to open it.

You had spent the night here only once before on accident. The day you were dumped. That night you and Ellie had shared so much rage it had made you both fall asleep on her couch after countless hours of talking major shit about your exs. You would come over from time to time since then but not too frequently because you and Ellie still weren’t extremely close. The whole situation added a layer of awkward between you two. However, it also a layer of understanding. It was nice for the both of you to have someone who knew exactly what you were going through.

“Hey you. Come inside.”

Ellie gestures for you to enter her apartment. As you walk in, the smell of weed and meat lovers pizza fills your nostrils.

“God please tell me you already rolled.”

You glance at Ellie and watch as she reaches behind her ear to grab a neatly rolled joint that was carefully tucked there. She places it between her lips and raises her eyebrows up and down while giving you a goofy sort of smile, the joint bouncing at the thinning of her mouth. Her slender, long hands slither into the pocket of her jeans and pulls out a silver zippo lighter. She opens the lid with a snap of her arm and brings the flame up to the joint. Ellie inhales deeply and lights the tip carefully, cupping the flame to insure the wind from the ceiling fan doesn’t complicate this process. Finally, the joint emits an orange hue, she takes one more hit before blowing a cloud of smoke upward. There it is again. Effortless attractiveness.

Ellie hands the joint to you, bowing slightly.

“M’lady”

You pluck the joint from her fingertips and laugh at her mannerisms.

“Why thank you ser.”

You retort. As you bring the joint up to your lips you make way to the couch in the middle of Ellie’s apartment. You plop down on the sofa and inhale deeply letting the smoke fill your lungs. Once you had taken in as much as you can muster you hold the smoke in for a moment and let your head fall backwards onto the back of the couch. Then you exhale.

“Pizza should be ready in five. You know what movie you want to watch?”

You take one more hit and think about Ellies question. The spinning of the ceiling fan occupies your cloudy thoughts for a little then you exhale once your mind settles on your answer.

“Alien.”

Ellie quickly turns her head towards you.

“God I love Sigourney Weaver.”

She shakes her head in awe and makes her way to grab the joint from you. You watch as she hits it twice, ghosting the second time (quite well).

“Me too. She was my second gay awakening.”

Ellie raises her eyebrows at your statement and passes you the joint.

“Second?”

You take it and hit it before answering.

“Yes I had my first gay awakening, then I watched alien and became like way more gay after that.”

You pass it back.

“Who was your first?”

You start to giggle as you feel the weed infiltrating your system and try to think back to when you were younger.

“Her name was Sarah Miller and it was in the 6th grade. She had just moved to my school a week before the winter formal. I realized I had never seen anyone so beautiful after she showed up to the dance in this purple dress.”

You laugh harder and reminisce for a moment.

“I remember I was so obsessed with her after that, it had gotten so bad to the point where she switched out of our math class because of me. Then she packed up and moved back to Austin at the beginning of 7th grade.”

Ellie hands the joint back to you.

“Damn. Thats kinda sad.”

You take two quick puffs before offering it back to her, she declines and you put it out to be finished later.

“Eh it was a quick crush, plus I had Sigourney to get me through.”

Ellie stands up and goes to the kitchen to find two shot glasses in her cabinet. She returns with two full shots of tequila and places one in front of you and holds her glass up.

“To Sigourney.”

You follow her actions.

“May she cure our little gay hearts once more.”

You clink the glasses together delicately to insure nothing is spilt and then slam the shot back as quick as possible.

“Bleh.”

You shake your head and wipe your mouth with the back of your hand. As you place the glass on the table in front of you, your mind becomes fuzzy. The warm light emitting from the string lights draped around the living room blur in and out of focus. You can already feel the effects of the substances in your system, which is what you wanted. You just didn’t expect it to happen so fast. Ellie had created an extremely cozy, welcoming atmosphere in her home that was just perfect for you to relax in. You felt comfortable here, safe. You sink a little further into the couch with a satisfied hum.

“Ill grab the pizza, can you put on the movie?”

You nod and grab the remote off the table to turn on your favorite sci fi film.

After a moment Ellie returns with pizza in hand. She places it on the table and hands you a plate. Then, she grabs the blanket draped behind your head and spreads it over the two of you. As the two of you get more comfortable you can feel your muscles relax, the feeling of company easing your tense body by the second.

You take one last quick glance at Ellie, her side profile is barely illuminated by the dark nature of the movies scenery. The feeling of gratitude over comes you for a fleeting second at the tiniest look at her freckled cheeks, then the movie grabs your attention and distracts you from the butterflies forming in your stomach. Ellie can feel you staring, but decides to ignore it and prays it’s dark enough in the room that you don’t see her blush.

————

“I know it was probably some man that put her in that tank top and underwear, but my god she looks so good in the white on white, like that outfit was made for her.”

Ellie stands up as the credits roll and goes to grab the dirty dishes and brings them to the kitchen.

You grab the remote and turn the TV off. The living room has a much more mutually comfortable vibe to it. Throughout the movie more tequila shots and joints were consumed leaving you both in a cross faded state. You could feel the awkwardness dissipate around 10 minutes into the movie.

“I am no better than a man.”

Ellie chuckles and returns to the couch next to you. Due to the alcohol running through her veins she sort of stumbles onto the couch falling close to you. You both laugh at her slightly tipsy mannerisms as she repositions so that her arm is draped behind your head and her body rotates towards you.

The smell of Ellie is impossible to ignore, her breath is tequila and her body is musk. All too intoxicating. She is a little too close for your composure to be kept completely under wraps. You wont protest the closeness of course, not entirely mad at the situation. She bends the arm behind your head at the elbow and you watch as she rests her head on her fist, then lets out a deep sigh.

“You know what the worst part of being newly single is?”

“The horniness.”

Your composure had left the building. You had the tequila to thank for that. Why did you have to say the first thing that came to mind?

“Yes! Whats up with that? I feel like a animal in heat or something.”

You scoff at her words. Of course her mind was where yours was.

“Oh my god Ellie.”

“No but seriously! Before I was able to get by fine, but now its like nothing subsides the constant need for sex.”

“Honestly I think its just the fact that we dont have anyone to fuck whenever we want. Something about losing an outlet for that sexual release makes it worse in my opinion. It as in the horniness…”

Ellie takes what you say in for a moment, taking note of the blossoming heat radiating off your cheeks. She is shocked by your slightly vulgar and honest response. But you’re not wrong, it had been excruciatingly hard for Ellie to not have someone to fuck or to fuck her.

Then you can see a wave of sadness overcoming her as she reaches for her rolling tray. You don’t have to ask what is going on in her head right now because the same thing is going on in yours. You miss your Ex. You miss fucking and being fucked. You miss being held and kissed and loved. You miss it all and you feel shitty that you do because you shouldn’t. You shouldn’t miss someone who hurt you in that way. You shouldn’t want to be back with them but truthfully, you would’ve done anything to get them back.

“Sometimes I just miss being held, you know that safe feeling? Like god I miss spooning and cuddling.”

You watch as Ellie nods in agreement as she licks the seal of the joint she just rolled. Maybe it’s the mixture of substances running through your system but you catch yourself staring at her tongue for a little too long. It pulsates slightly as it travels across the top of the frail paper. When she secures the joint with the roll of her fingers and begins to twist it shut her words snap you out of your trance.

“I miss sex so much.”

“Okay Ellie we get it your horny.”

“Sorry! Just, fuck, I don’t know it’s starting to make me angry. Im so pent up I literally want to punch people sometimes.”

You wince at that. Luckily you had overcome that angry sort of phase fairly quickly at the beginning of your breakup. Now you were just left with the feeling of need. The need to have someone hold you and make you feel consumed in their warmth.

“Well don’t punch me.”

“Ha! No promises, unless…you let me fuck you.”

“So my options are get fucked by you or get punched by you? This doesn’t feel like much of a deal that benefits me.”

Ellie laughs and lights the 3rd? Joint of the night. You don’t know how many it’s been at this point. As you watch her inhale you can see an idea flip a switch in her brain. She hands the joint over to you.

“I could…hold you.”

She shyly proposes and doesn’t look you in the eye.

“Oh?”

You take the joint from her and bring it up to your lips.

“I mean. We both need things right? Im extremely horny and you want affection. What if we…”

“Ellie are you proposing we use each other for our bodies?”

Ellie looks up at you finally. Your mouth has a slight grin/smirk to it, obviously amused by her proposal. Which gives her some relief because she was afraid she had overstepped, and you would look at her with disgust. She scoffs and continues.

“I mean look you’re hot, i’m hot, and we both clearly really miss our ex’s even though we probably shouldn’t.”

Ellie thinks you’re hot. Hot. hot hot hot.

“Hear me out. You let me fuck you and we can both think about our Ex’s. Afterwards I will spoon you so hard youre gonna beg me to stop.”

Your mouth has fallen slightly open due to the boldness of Ellies request. There was no way anyone could be this confident. Her proposal plays on a loop in your brain. It’s not a terrible idea. A toxic one no doubt, but if you were being completely honest with yourself you did get fairly horny from time to time. You were only human after all.

The thought of having someone fuck you sparked something that made you nervous inside. Your heart beat with anticipation and curiosity. A feeling you missed for sure. Ellie silently watches you take a moment to gather your thoughts.

You think about it for a little longer. Your brain wanted to deny Ellie, in fear you would lose your new friend. However, everything else in you was sure that you wanted to let Ellie do whatever she wanted to you. You wanted to lose yourself in the memory of when your Ex had made you feel loved, safe. Anything close to the way you felt with them would be enough. After a few more seconds of contemplation you looked at Ellie.

“O-Okay.”

“Yeah?”

“We can think about them?”

“Yes. I-If thats okay. We will take it slow and if you want me to stop just say so.”

“Alright then. Lets do it.”

Ellies is ecstatic. She feigns confidence but you can tell she needs this. The thought of Ellie being so pent up and ready to pour it all over you whilst playing into your fantasies had you nearly shaking.

You both take one final hit of the joint, hoping it would calm both of your nerves, then Ellie puts it out and looks at you. Your breathing had picked up significantly. She rolls up her sleeves and begins to inch closer to you.

“Okay.”

Ellie looks right into your eyes as she advances towards you. But the closer she gets, the more you can no longer make direct eye contact. The increasing darkness in her eyes feels so foreign it scares you a little. You drop your gaze when shes mere centimeters away from you to where you can feel her breath on your lips. Her tongue swipes slowly across her lower lip as you begin to feel her hand slide against the exposed skin on your waist.

“Close your eyes.”

She pulls your hips forward and guides you to a more horizontal position. When she’s hovering over you slightly, closing the gap between your bodies inch by inch, your eyes flutter shut and you let yourself go.

As the black engulfs your sight and Ellie seals your lips together in a experimental first kiss.

You refuse to move at first. This kiss is slow. Too slow. Neither of you let yourself get too excited in fear that you would remember whose lips were actually on yours and not the ones both of you were picturing.

After a moment the kiss finally deepens, causing the both of your breathing to become harsh. Images of your previous significant other begin to fill your mind making you weak. It doesn’t feel the same as before, obviously, but it gets the job done. You begin to feel your emotional barricade crumbling with each kiss Ellie places on your lips.

You think about the way your Ex would kiss you, hold you, and you begin to sink deeper into the fantasy Ellie has created. Everything tingles with a feeling of such passion that even you cant explain where it’s coming from. Your newfound desperation brings your hands up to snake around Ellies head and tug at the hair on the back of her neck, eliciting a hum to leave her lips that vibrates on yours. You cant help but moan at the feeling, making Ellie kiss you with more fervor than before.

Ellie brings the lower half of her body down to meet your center, causing you to spread yourself open for her. Restless legs run up and down on either side of her body due to your constant search for touch. Ellie relishes in the feeling of you all over her. Your clothed bodies began to seek friction as the kiss became messier. You try to think about your Ex in this moment, but with each kiss and soft whine that leaves Ellies mouth, you begin to realize that they had never kissed you with this much passion. This much need. Sure you and Ellie were extremely needy, but the longer this charade went on the more you were focused on the actual person making you so spent.

“Shit.”

Ellie retracts for a moment to catch her breath. Her lips glossy and swollen, perfect.

“Dont stop please.”

You were a moth and Ellie was the flame.

“I wont just, fuck you’re so-”

“Ellie~”

You whine. It’s pathetic, desperate. It drives Ellie mad hearing you say her name like that

“God damn.”

Shes kissing you again and touching you everywhere. Ellie grips and caresses your soft skin like shes burning the shape of your body into her brain. She grips your thighs, waist, stomach, ribs, and chest, before she is wrapping her hands around your neck with a slight squeeze. Its gentle, only enough for you to feel a slight strain. This simple but desperate coded action coaxes a moan from you thats so sweet, Ellie decides she will do whatever she can to make sure you don’t stop rewarding her with the pretty sounds of your voice.

She releases her grip on your neck and moves down to kiss you there. Each of Ellies movements is soaked in need. Shes drowning you in adoration and close attention to your desires. Your hands push back her soft auburn hair that tickles your face.

With every kiss that Ellie places on your neck you start to forget about your ex little by little. The heat you feel from her mouth on your pulse makes your head spin. As your nostrils fill with the scent of her pine scented shampoo, you try your best to remember why you were in this position in the first place. Not because Ellie wanted you, because she needed you to be someone else. But the longer she toys with your body, the more your brain fills up with Ellie, and the less you can pretend to be someone you’re not.

“Need you.”

You say as she moves to kiss lower and lower down your body. The lower she moves the higher her hands push your shirt upwards and off your body completely. This leaves you in your cotton bra and sweatpants. Ellie sits up to observe you for a moment.

“Sigourney got nothing on you baby.”

You laugh and punch her arm, slightly embarrassed at your exposed state.

“Oh shut up Williams.”

She makes a shocked open mouth expression and rubs the tender flesh.

“Owww, Is that anyway to treat someone who’s about to fuck you?”

“Are you going to fuck me? Or are you going to keep talking?”

“You’re an impatient little thing aren’t you?”

“I can be patient, sweet even, but right now i’m leaking through my panties and my patience is wearing thin.”

“Fuuck me.”

“I thought that was your job?”

You taunt underneath her. You’re done with the playful banter. You need Ellie to fuck you and you need it now. You shoot her sultry puppy eyes as you shimmy your breasts upwards slowly as an attempt to lure her in. It works. Now Ellie is pulling you to sit up and tearing your bra upwards and off your head. Once your chest was freed for Ellie to admire she couldn’t keep away for long.

“Pretty fucking tits.”

Ellie is practically drooling as she latches on to your left boob with her mouth, whilst toying with the right one in her hands. Her actions send you flying back to a lying down position once more.

“Oh my god Ellie.”

You cant fight it anymore. Any thoughts of your ex had been long gone. Now all you could feel, smell, think, was Ellie. She had sucked any memory of your old partner’s betrayal right out of your system. It’s a dirty scene. Ellie doesn’t let up, too wrapped up in the taste of you.

As she made you a babbling fool at the sinful sucking of your tits, you tried your best to remove her button up. You needed to see her, feel her.

Once Ellie felt the tug on her shirt she unlatched from your nipple, followed by a final lick on your sensitive buds that sent shivers down your spine. She sat up straight and the both of you fiddled with her buttons as fast as possible. Once you had undone the shirt completely she let you tear it down her shoulders. The woman basks in the feeling of your increasingly hungry eyes. The way you bit your lip and blushed even harder once Ellie had revealed her bare chest to you, skyrocketed her confidence.

Ellie missed the feeling of someone gawking over her. Something about you gawking over her when she knew you wanted to think of someone else, unlocked a feral side in her.

“You gonna keep staring or are you going to touch me?”

Your a heaving blushing mess at the sight of Ellie above you. She looks at you with such anticipation and want, you wouldn’t dare deny her any longer. You prop your self on your elbow and move your hand to touch the small of Ellie’s back, taking her in for a moment as your hand travels across her skin. The feeling of your hand on her body sends Ellie reeling, the tiniest touch making her boxers become damp. When your hand lands on her waist you tug her down to you meet your lips. She pushes her messy hair backwards and leans into the kiss. Its different now. Now you’re both relishing in the feeling of each other, the thought of your respective ex’s out the window.

Your body feels hot. The feeling of Ellies bare skin on you sends you into a frenzy. Its nothing like your Ex. Its new and intoxicating to your senses. Maybe the substances are clouding your judgment slightly, but theres one thing for sure, you have never felt so good.

The longer the kiss goes on the needier you two became. Your clawing at each other now, squeezing your bodies together as close as possible. You cant take it anymore, you needed to have a release. You sought out more friction. Frustrated with the lack of relief you felt due to the obstruction of your pants, you push Ellie off you and go to stand. She is curious of your actions but as soon as you begin to slide your sweatpants and underwear down your thighs, she stands to match you and begins to unbutton her jeans. Once you are both stripped down you both pause. Your breathing syncs with Ellies as you take in her naked state.

Shes statuesque. Molded to perfection. Okay the tequila was definitely getting to you. You have never needed your hands on something so badly. You slowly step towards her and Ellie mirrors you. Your arms dangle at your side fighting the urge to cover yourself. Ellie takes one more step to you then places her hands on your fully exposed waist and turns you to face her with the couch at her back. She sits back slowly and maneuvers you to sit on her lap.

Ellies eyes rake over you as she bites on her lip so hard you’re sure she will draw blood. She looks up at you with an almost painful look in her eyes. The way you had settled on her lap caused your knees to reside on either side of Ellie, thighs wide open. In this position you’re spread out for her, everything on display. Ellies eyes can’t help but travel to your pussy, your folds glisten under the light due to how wet she had made you.

“Your dripping baby.”

She hisses and runs her thumb over your weeping cunt, applying slight pressure. The feeling of her digit on your sensitivity has you falling backwards. Ellie has barley touched you there and you are already dizzy. She swiftly catches you before you can fall.

“Easy, easyyy. Stay with me okay?”

Carefully she pushes you forward and places your head on her shoulder. Ellie massages your thighs and whispers praises in your ear that have you sinking further into her body.

“Such an easily manipulatable thing you are, what happened to that impatient brat from earlier? Hmm? I make you all dumb when I touched your pussy?”

Her words make you shudder. She has made you so shy. You sink deeper into the side of her neck out of embarrassment.

“Ellie please.”

You can barely get the words out at this point. You are too lost in the feeling of Ellies hands on you, hips stuttering with every grip she places on your thighs.

“Awe you poor thing. You need to be fucked huh?”

You nod in her neck.

“Yeah?”

She grips the top of your thigh dangerously close to your sensitive area, not touching there again just yet.

“Yes!”

You shout due to the sensitivity.

“Please fuck me.”

Your begging. Ellie is running her hands all over you. You are such a mess under her touch you begin to suck on her neck from pure desperation. You kiss, suck , and lick that area mixing in whines and pleads for Ellie to touch you where you needed her most.

“Shit, okay. Fuck youre being so good for me baby. What did I do to deserve this huh?”

Her neck tilts to give you better access to continue your advances there. Finally she brings her fingers back to your heat. You bite her neck even harder when you feel the pads of her fingers on your cunt. You are sure to leave a mark, but Ellie doesn’t care. She is fueled by your need for her, she wants to reward you.

Ellie presses her fingers against your pussy harder and her movements there begin to speed up. She massages big and small circles on your sensitive clit faster and faster. Those sweet noises start to leave you tenfold. The closeness of your sounds in her ear only makes her work harder to make you feel good. One of your hands wraps around Ellies neck as an attempt to bring her closer and for you to keep upright. Ellie hums at this, she loves the feeling of having you close.

“You hear that? You hear how wet you are sweet thing?”

Ellie has set a painfully fast pace on you now. The sound of your wet pussy fills the space, furthering the lust you feel in this moment. You subconsciously grind down on her hand because somehow its still not enough. You needed more.

“More.”

You finally leave the safe space in Ellies neck to meet her eyes. She looks at you with dark eyes but they are laced adoration. You look so beautiful like this. Spread open and desperate for her, begging to be fucked.

“You want my fingers inside?”

She prods her middle finger at your entrance and watches as your face twists in pleasure. You bite your lip at the feeling of her slightly inside on you. You cant believe it. Ellie williams is making you dumb before even fully entering you. Your walls clench around next to nothing.

“Answer me sweet thing.”

You look down at where she refuses to connect you two. Ellies middle finger tickles your leaking hole and gathers your slick to fuck it back into you again. The sight makes your hips move down her finger involuntarily. You whimper a drawn out “Please.” As you both move together to bury her middle finger in your soaking pussy.

“Oh shit baby.”

You look back up at her with furrowed brows and a ‘O’ forming at your mouth. Ellie moves to kiss your top lip, then your bottom one as she begins thrusting her finger into you.

“So-mmwarm and-mmwet for me.”

The feeling of Ellie pumping in and out of you at this slow pace makes your whole body radiate pure heat. Sweat begins to form on you and Ellies skin. The temperature rise from both of your bodies makes the room grow hotter causing things to become slippery. Your wetness drips to the underside of your thighs, making your ass glide over Ellies thighs with such ease that it makes your oncoming release build twice as fast. Its filthy.

Ellies digit curls as her pace picks up slightly. She prods at your g spot tactically, every time she graces you with her touch there your hips grind down seeking out any extra pleasure. It still isn’t enough.

“M-More.”

“You want another?”

“Please.”

“Up.”

She guides your hips upwards with her free hand to add another finger in your entrance and bring you back down again. The extra intrusion in your pussy fills you up. Ellie can feel the way you squeeze around her fingers and she feels like she could pass out.

Now its almost too much. Your wrapped up entirely in the feeling of Ellie, and she can feel it now. She can feel you kiss her, not the image of your ex. Ellie could cum untouched just from how desperate you were being.

“Your fingers feel amazing Ellie.”

The girl below you is no longer a cocky one. Shes in awe of you and growing wet with every thrust of her fingers that gets lost in your gummy walls.

“Yeah?”

She cant believe how beautiful you look. Ellie watches you like if she misses a moment of your pretty body bouncing on her, she will die. It’s driving you insane. Shes getting off just on the way you look riding her fingers.

“Wanna touch you…”

Before Ellie knows what’s going on, distracted by your, well everything, you move a hand down to Ellie’s neglected pussy and begin toying with her pulsing clit.

“Oh fuck.”

Ellie wraps her arm around your waist and pulls you closer, she rests her head on your shoulder as you both get each other off. You rub quick circles on her folds, hoping to catch her up to your fast approaching feeling of release.

“Keep going baby, just like that okay? Oh god.”

Ellies panting now. Her forehead rests on your shoulder as she watches you toy with her, the sight bringing a wave of pleasure to come at any moment. Your bodies swell back and forth into each other at a rhythmic pace. You’re both humping into each other’s advances and losing strength by the second.

“Ellie im-”

“Me too, shit. With me okay?”

You nod. Ellie moves to look at you. She doesn’t want to miss the way you look when you orgasm because of her. Ellie begins to pump into you so fast you start to see black. You carefully but quickly enter two fingers into Ellie’s heat and pump her at the same pace.

Your lips crash into one another from the feeling. The way you both fuck each other with your fingers sends a shock of electricity throughout your connected bodies. Both of you are a moaning mess, your muffled voices increase in pitch until you can no longer kiss and are practically screaming each other’s names. Your hips grind into Ellies and hers into your hand chasing the oncoming orgasm you are both feeling, and finally, release.

Your lips detach as you fall forward, unable to support your weight anymore. Ellie slows the pumping of her hands in your weeping core. As do you, the both of you slowly ride out your highs until you’re over stimulated. Shaking hands retract from each other’s walls and you adjust to hold on to one another. Your bodies spasm from the newly empty feeling.

The grinding of your hips has yet to stop. Ellie runs her hands all over you again, the sensitivity making you shiver. As she smooths her hands over your ass and back, clawing softly at your skin, you can feel a twitch in your pussy. You whine at the feeling and wrap your arms around Ellies shoulders tighter.

“You sensitive?”

She doesn’t stop. You moan in response, answering her question.

“Mmm”

She hums and then kisses your shoulder sweetly. The intimacy of the action retracts you from your grasp to observe her for a moment. Ellies eyes are half lidded and shes got a dumb grin plastered on her lips. Her hair is wet and sticking to her temples and forehead, slightly obstructing her face.

You swipe your finger across her forehead, delicately moving the hair out of her face. Once you can see her fully, you blush. Once again dumbfounded by Ellies effortless ability to look so, good. She is still caressing you, holding you tight like you would float away if she didn’t. You grab her cheeks and place a kiss on her lips. Ellies hand moves to hold your jaw and deepens the kiss slightly.

Once you pull back you simultaneously slide off her thighs feeling the soreness due to your spread out position on her lap. You begin to rub the crease on the top of your thighs but Ellie stops you.

“Here, let me.”

You lay down on the couch as Ellie grabs your underwear and slides it back up your legs. Then she dresses you both halfway and moves to sit in between your legs once more so that she has better access to massage you.

You cant help but close your eyes and hum as Ellie uses her magical hands to rub away any soreness you had felt from earlier. She smirks at this, Ellie cant get enough of your sounds. For a moment its silent with the exception of your small sighs of pleasure.

“Can I confess something?”

Your eyes open slowly and you nod.

“I wasnt really, thinking about my ex just then.”

You blush hard. You should’ve known by the way she stared at you, fucked you, moaned your name as she creamed white on your fingers…But it felt good to hear your suspicions confirmed.

“Oh well, me neither.”

She has that ecstatic look on her face again. It’s adorable and makes you giggle slightly.

“Really?”

“Mhhmm.”

You smile shyly. She smiles wide like she just won an award and bends down to kiss your thigh.

“Well, good. Fuck em anyway.”

“Yeah” You thought. “Fuck em.”

“Now move over, I gotta fulfill my end of the deal. Im gonna big spoon you to death.”

You shift down to make room for Ellie to climb behind you on the couch. Once she is settled, her whole body wraps around you. Any other time you would’ve declined because you were still leaking and sweaty. Right now though, you wouldn’t dream of moving. Ellies hold on you had brought you back to the safe space you missed so dearly. The feeling of being absolutely ruined then handled as delicately as a flower had your mind going haywire.

With every second that went by in her arms a calmness began to set in, and you could finally let your mind settle. This was the most relaxed you had felt in weeks and you had Ellie to thank for it.

[zzoupz]

"Mother Moon watcheth her little ones behind a door of sleep Daughter Chalice is filled, an offering to the Master in the Unseen World Spirit Bird arriveth from afar and cometh back to roost. These vessels are the Unholy Trinity. The Fallen Star shall guide them."

my entry for the Faith wiki discord's art contest! (I won :3 🥇)

the prompt was "Unholy" so I knew I had to do something with this poem. even though I've used it in an earlier piece before…

[spaceratprodigy]

expression doodles :)

pov: for the first time in your life someone you greatly respect and admire gives you genuine heartfelt praise

yes I know I LOVE slapping big ugly watermarks all over my doodles bc art thieves for years left me no choice and idc idc <3

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[falloutober]

Falloutober is back this year with 31 days of apocalyptic prompts! Just as with other years, you are welcome to fill these from any fandom or original story, knowledge of Fallout not required!

Interpret these literally, figuratively, symbolically, astronomically, aeronautically, cytoplasmically, you know, however you want! Kink, whump, fluff, art, lit, screenarchery, music, just have fun! You can merge and swap days around too as desired!

If you want me to see your posts and potentially reblog them to the falloutober blog, make sure to tag them #falloutober2023 or @ the blog in your post!

Alternate Prompts: 2020 | 2021 | 2022

Typed list below the cut!

1 | War Never Changes 2 | Neon 3| Distant Glow 4 | Daddy-O 5 | This Thing Called Defeat 6 | Monument 7 | Midnight Ride 8 | Faith, Hope, & Love 9 | Butcher Pete 10 | Terminal 11 | Fallen Star 12 | Rust 13 | Civilization 14 | Afterdamp 15 | Keeping Warm 16 | Lacrimae Rerum 17 | Fang & Club 18 | Respite 19| Feral 20 | Wayward Souls 21 | Mutation 22 | Heat Lightning 23 | Homecoming 24 | Cigarette 25 | Pound of Flesh 26 | Ink Spots 27 | Green 28 | Cold, Dark 29 | Shrapnel 30 | Atom 31 | This Little Light