#Flower of Sorrow

[zhouxiangs]

MEET YOU AT THE BLOSSOM (2024) | Episode 1

The narrow imperial road offered a full view of the horrific scene outside. Xiaobao trembled as he saw over a dozen bodies strewn about, nearly screaming out loud. Fuck, he had never witnessed such a bloody scene in his life; it was terrifying. Scared, he closed his eyes, but curiosity got the better of him, and he opened them again. Once open, he couldn't close them again. He stared unblinkingly at the white figure under the moonlight, utterly dumbfounded. The moonlight scattered a field of starlight, under the dim moonbeams, a slender, pale figure was entangled in a fight with a group of people. That fluttering figure was agile and nimble, moving through the air as if on flat ground, wielding a long sword. A head of black hair reflected a ghostly enchanting color under the moon, weaving through a group of men in black, accompanied by screams. Yet, the person remained as calm as ever, as if the frightening bloodstains on them were not their own. Despite being stained with blood, their hair remained immaculate, not diminishing their radiance in the slightest. With brows like distant mountains, sparkling star-like eyes, a straight nose above crimson lips, their entire being exuded a fierce and enchanting aura. That arrogantly unparalleled beauty seemed as if it belonged in paintings, truly something that should exist only in the heavens, rarely heard of in the mortal realm. Jin Xiaobao prided himself on having seen countless beauties, but in front of this person, all famed courtesans, talented women, and rich daughters seemed like mere mortals. Not just in temperament, which was as different as cloud and mud, but even in looks, they were leagues apart. Such a celestial appearance, he had only seen once in his lifetime. Jin Xiaobao became as excited as if he had been injected with chicken blood, his lips trembling so much he could hardly speak. Zhaocai was startled and whispered, "Young master, what's wrong? If you're scared, don't look." Jinbao quickly pulled their young master back, also startled by the bizarre smile on his face, and nudged him, "Young master?" "A goddess…" Xiaobao was stunned for a moment, then broke into a smile, sighing, "A goddess." — Chapter 3 of Blooming Flowers, Silent Sorrow by Shui Qian Cheng

[nobeerreviews]

We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them.

-- Khalil Gibran

(Bistrița, Romania)

[guzhufuren]

since the novel ends with Xiaobao giving Huaien a blowjob i'm gonna start believing that this is what they chose to do in last seconds of the finale too

[gothpossums]

you hold it, you hold it, you let it go

[theoncomingchaos]

Episode 11 vs. the Original Novel

The time line has gotten a little jumbled here, but key dialogue and moments are mostly the same.

Biggest Differences:

Huai'en gets the flower from Yuzhan's base first WITHOUT saving Xiao Yu. She is very clever in the book, so she puts a knot on the box that Xiaobao recognizes as hers. So, when Huai'en asks what he has to do for forgiveness, Xiaobao tells him to rescue Xiao Yu.

This also means that Xiaobao is healed BEFORE Xiao Yu is saved.

In the book, Huai'en breaks his mother's pendant in half so they each have a piece.

The battle was MUCH more brutal in the books. Huai'en faces off against all his old teachers (that crew following Yuzhan around) They are all masters and have this crazy formation they can do and they nearly kill him. Even when Prince Shen and others arrive, as he is escaping he still gets shot in the back with arrows, but he continues to cover Xiao Yu so she doesn't get hurt. Their horse also goes down. (They get another one). But it really showed just how far Huai'en was willing to go to try and earn Xiaobao's forgiveness.

Homophobia: The book doesn't have homophobia really. In fact, Xiaobao explains that a few years ago it was a big fad for people to have male lovers. Xiaobao wasn't really into it at the time, but he did try it because his friends kept pushing. He never fell for a man until Huai'en. So, while the homophobic comment is weird, Su Yin, DOES think that getting married and having children (which is what his best friend had always wanted) is still the best way for him to live a happy life. He still sees Huai'en as someone who can't be trusted and will just hurt Xiaobao again, so he is doing all of this to protect him.

In the book they make it very clear early on that Master and Madame Jin, as well as Xiao Yu herself, want Xiaobao to marry Xiao Yu. Xiaobao is NOT interested and only sees her as a sister. Su Yin, being close with the family and knowing how much they love each other, thinks this is a better future for him than being with Huai'en.

Xiao Yu does NOT forgive her adopted parents right away, but there is a feeling of one day she'll try to reconnect with them. So, having some note from the mother for her and having her wanting to go home to them is pretty different.

Si Ming & Jin Bao have no past together in the book, so this was MUCH better. I'm also really happy they included my favorite line about not touching other people before touching Si Ming.

Overall, I think not having Xiaobao ask Huai'en to rescue her makes it seem more like he is being caring and selfless on his own which is better character growth.

As for Su Yin, I stand with my cancelled wife.

We REALLY missed out on the banter between Huai'en and Xiao Yu. It is so good (unhinged):

With the wind whistling past her ears, Xiaoyu shouted, "If you can't hold on until I see my brother again, you're worthless."

Gritting his teeth, Huai En replied, "If I don't see him, you'll never see him again in your life."

"If my brother knew you killed me, even if you died, he wouldn't forgive you."

"I won't give him the chance to know if I kill you. He'll never find out."

[dramaticviolincrescendo]

BFSS vs. MYATB

I had some Thoughts(TM) after finishing “Blooming Flowers, Silent Sorrow” and thought I’d put them out into the universe.

I’m definitely glad that I read the book and plan to start “Jinbao Marries a Wife” after the extra episodes air. That being said, this is nevertheless one of the rare occasions where I actually preferred the show to the novel. I have already rewatched the series more times than I care to admit publicly, but I don’t really see myself reading the book again unless an official English translation is released to see the approved wording and whether anything was left out of the translation I read.

For anyone who plans to read and wants to avoid spoilers, I’ll hide the rest below the cut. If you loved the book, no worries—this won’t be a negative review!

The Story

I’m extremely impressed that the story is basically the same and, in parts where it isn’t, maintains full fidelity to the original plot and characters. Like MDZS and The Untamed, there were some plot points that got shuffled around in order to suit the medium of television rather than written narrative—and only twelve episodes of television, at that—but it didn’t alter the essence of the story or even the overarching plot at all. Some events were consolidated where it made sense (ex., finding Zongzheng Yuzhan’s dahlia and escaping with Xiaoyu), and others were fragmented in a manner that allowed us more time to get to know the characters (ex., Xiaobao delivering the medicine and their intimate moment in episode three being at two different times). Even Xiaobao’s illness, which was shortened to the spring rather than the following autumn, was still written and portrayed in such a way that you really felt the passage of time and how excruciating it could be when finding the dahlias before their window passed was at the fore of everyone’s minds.

There are a few points, however, where I feel like the show was able to add something to the narrative that I found I missed when reading the book, while I didn’t encounter anything while reading that I really wished had made it into the show. To be honest, given how few episodes they had to tell this story and how important pacing was as a result, that really surprised me. Here are some things that come to mind:

Toning down the non-con elements. While the show depicts those moments as almost more of a non-con initiation transforming into something more tacitly consensual as it progressed (or dubious consent due to drinking or drugging), the book really stuck to the non-con focus of their interactions. I was surprised how long it remained that way, as well as how much more Huai’en pushed it by trying to initiate things after the betrayal and poisoning. I know a lot of that is due to the medium—in a show of this nature, I’d have been more surprised if they’d kept it the same. It’s just something I preferred about how it was depicted in the show and felt made the romance a little more believable as it evolved so quickly.

More conversations between Xiaobao and Huai’en. As with the last point, it made the budding romance more believable for me, not to mention adding that extra bit of heartbreak when Huai’en betrayed Xiaobao. In the book, he doesn’t mention anything about his family history or his father after Jin Bao’s asthma crisis; much of what Xiaobao learns about Huai’en doesn’t come up until the latter is already gone. Sharing the truths (or what Huai’en thought were the truths) of his past added to the half-truths of what he’s doing in Jiangnan created a much deeper sense of manipulation for me and added to the weight of both what he does in episode six as well as how he still tries to keep the Jins alive in the aftermath.

The overall character growth. I’ll put more on this in the characters section, but I was left feeling a little disappointed at the end of the book in a way I wasn’t when I finished the show. It’s not that the growth was bad or missing, just that it didn’t feel as deep as the show for me. At the end of MYATB, Xiaobao is more mature and mindful of what his family needs and his own responsibilities in making that happen; in BFSS, he’s mostly acting like a young master again, gallivanting around with Huai’en and bemoaning how useless he can be. In MYATB, Huai’en grows to care about more than just Xiaobao, even though Xiaobao is still his true north; in BFSS, he’s seriously considering killing Xiaoyu out of jealousy in the last few chapters while rescuing her. In MYATB, Su Yin is angry at the situation, not with Xiaobao, and eventually comes to terms with the idea that Xiaobao has matured and can be trusted to make his own choices; in BFSS, we don’t really see the closure to that disagreement, which was one of my favorite scenes in the finale. Again, nothing wrong with how the book portrayed things, but I felt there was a certain growth in these characters in the show that I’d have liked to see mirrored there.

Xue Tong’en’s ubiquitous presence. She’s startlingly absent in the book while her presence in the show seems to be the backdrop to everything. Zongzheng Yuzhan’s obsession and even madness are palpable in the show, and his strange hatred for yet attachment to Huai’en is especially moving. All of that was absent in the book except for a couple of mentions in the overall narration and Zongzheng Yuzhan’s unwillingness to relinquish Xiaoyu. I just didn’t feel it like I did while watching MYATB.

Their strange but heartwarming little found family. My jaw dropped to see Zuoying and Youying peace out during the final battle, leaving Huai’en to fend for himself, and Zhaocai have an off-screen love interest he was determined to marry before he, too, caught a case of bisexuality. (His sentiment, not mine.) No tearful farewells after a year of huddling together for survival? No beautiful little scene of Huai’en’s two shadows keeping him alive until help arrived? No Zhaocai-Xiaoyu tag-teaming to interrupt Xiaobao and Huai’en at every turn? Don’t get me wrong—the two of them going off on their romantic road-tripping was satisfying, but… Well, as someone who sees platonic and romantic relationships as equally important, I was a little sad to see that it’s just…them.

First, the raid; next, the cure. Having Xiaobao’s remedy come last made Huai’en’s journey feel like there were higher stakes for me. In the book, it’s like tying up a loose end—“bring back Xiaoyu, and I’ll fully forgive you.” In the show, Huai’en gets to see what’s at stake and can make the conscious decision to inconvenience and further endanger himself by taking Xiaoyu away. He knows Xiaobao still loves him and has to just sit there helplessly while he continues to go through episodes that leave him unconscious for hours or days; he has to leave without saying goodbye, with no prompting from Xiaobao to bring Xiaoyu back or ultimatums on his forgiveness. And if he failed? In the show, that’s it for Xiaobao; in the book, it’s just whether his sister comes home, which Huai’en isn’t as bothered about even if he’s willing to die for it. For me, it read as a little more…transactional in the novel, so it wasn’t quite as emotionally stirring. Plus, waiting until later to heal Xiaobao meant Su Yin and Huai’en had to work together after everything that happened between them, which may have gone a long way towards that reconciliation I mentioned.

Li Gongxiang. …That’s it. ‘Nuff said.

All the little things that made the characters more real. Obviously, visual mediums are going to fill in personalities in ways that written narratives can’t, but MYATB did so in such a way that I deeply missed those details when they weren’t there. Zhaocai and Jinbao’s odd sleeping arrangements. Xiaobao and the dancer…and the guy in the restaurant… Shaoyu coming back to stake his claim only to get out-bratted by Xiaobao. Youying royally screwing up and putting the Jins on alert, necessitating an in-universe convoluted plot to make it seem like a random jianghu misunderstanding. None of it was necessary, no, but it was fun and made me care more about the characters as I watched. The only moment like this in the book that really stood out to me was Su Yin tickling Xiaobao into submission, which was honestly amazing. In any case, adding depth to the supporting characters that wasn’t there in the book added more to the main characters as well, so I missed those small details as I read.

The Characters

I know it seems like I covered that already, but there were a couple of specifics that really stood out to me regarding character choices and personalities in the book compared to the show. As with the story, there wasn’t much I felt hadn’t been incorporated from the book, while there were elements from the show that I did miss seeing as I read. Overall, I thought the show did a fantastic job of taking who the characters were on a fundamental level in the book and enhancing them with certain narrative choices.

Huai’en: I am unspeakably grateful for whoever decided to age him up to 20. It facilitated the conversations he had with Xiaobao that deepened their relationship and made the romance more believable. With that added maturity, his cold manipulation makes a lot of sense for his character rather than the angry and violent outbursts that the teenage Huai’en in the book was prone to. Even in MYATB, Huai’en experienced a few of those, but they only came at pivotal moments and, as a result, had more meaning to me. (Note: not morally right, but still meaningful.) On another note, I was mourning the loss of his scene with the emperor as I read. The majority was still there, namely the blood test, dahlia, and refusing his title. However, exonerating the Jins was a huge moment that contributed to his reconciliation with Xiaobao and their ability to live happily later. For me, it was more moving to see him take that initiative in the show rather than have it offered to him as an incentive for providing information that could free Prince Shen later in the book.

Xiaobao: …It’s the word “lecherous.” I just can’t get past it! In the show, we’re made aware that he’s frequented brothels in the past, and no further details are given. His attempts to woo “Miss Zheng” are slightly sleazy, but they hardly count as “lecherous,” which I really liked. It’s more of a wide-eyed “she could kick my ass in any context and I’d thank her for it” situation than…well, “lecherous.” (Nope, still can’t get past it even when I use it.) With an aged-up Huai’en, I think that having Xiaobao be more of an adorable wannabe player matched a bit better. He was still that way in the book, but the sexual element was a lot more prevalent (namely trying to switch positions), while MYATB moved him past that very quickly.

Su Yin: As I mentioned above, I really mourned the loss of their closure. In the show, we see a Su Yin who goes through hell trying to avenge Xiaobao only to learn that he needs to take a step back and trust that Xiaobao can take care of himself. He isn’t that same spoiled young master who needs Su Yin to constantly come to his rescue anymore by the end, and Su Yin has seen Huai’en’s sincerity even if he will never be able to forgive Huai’en’s indiscretions himself. Su Yin is very similar in much of the book, but I felt that their roads diverged some after Xiaobao went to warn Huai’en about the trap at Chifeng Cliff. In BFSS, we never really see him get over that, and his anger is truly at Xiaobao—he even insults him multiple times. MYATB shows it as concern with Xiaobao’s self-esteem and seeming willingness to degrade himself, shortly followed by understanding and acceptance, however hesitant. I loved that growth for both Su Yin and their relationship, so I was quite disappointed that it wasn’t the same in the book.

Que Siming: This was a case where expectations didn’t meet reality. I’d heard from people who read the book how he was the only one rooting for Huai’en and Xiaobao, but…that wasn’t entirely the vibe I got. It was still there, as it was in the show, but perhaps it was his personality that made it a bit difficult to see. In the show, Que Siming is eccentric, self-serving, and arrogant. However, there are moments when he displays genuine emotion towards Xiaobao’s suffering and Huai’en’s fate that show he really does care, even if his taste for gossip outweighs most other things a lot of the time. In the book, he was mostly just mean. The self-serving arrogance was there, but I didn’t really see much else. It could have been lost in translation, and I’m sure I’ll have a better grasp of him after “Jinbao Marries a Wife,” but on the whole I was left feeling like he was one of the only characters who was extremely different and far more likable in the show. Props to Kou Weilong!

Xiaoyu: She is one of the other characters who felt extremely different between the two mediums, and I vastly prefer the show’s version. In the book, Xiaoyu almost didn’t even seem like a kid of only about ten. Her dialogue read like a young woman, and I have to agree with the book version of Huai’en that her feelings about Xiaobao were…uh…wow. I definitely preferred Su Yin alluding to a marriage as merely a parting shot at Huai’en. Of course, the context is important: in the book, the Jins already decided Xiaoyu would run the family business, and she was also aware of what had happened to the Xues and that she wasn’t actually a Jin. In those circumstances, it makes sense that she would have been groomed to consider this eventuality without much thought given to their brother-sister relationship beyond just always being together. Still, uh…very glad they didn’t go that route. It also meant she could be more of a child in MYATB and wage a war for Xiaobao’s attention against Huai’en without that loaded underlying meaning.

Zongzheng Yuzhan: In MYATB, he seems to have gotten an upgrade. Even more than just being an oftentimes off-screen, absentee antagonist, he was a character foil for Huai’en. We are meant to see that Huai’en’s understanding of love is twisted, as Li Gongxiang said, because his only example is his foster father’s obsessive and possessive form of love. What makes Zongzheng Yuzhan monstrous is that he can’t change. What makes Huai’en human is that he can. He could have been a monster—a beast, as Xiaobao calls him in the book multiple times—but he takes a different road. That road leads to direct conflict with Zongzheng Yuzhan and emphasizes their differences in a dramatic and captivating way. In the book, that conflict really isn’t there. Zongzheng Yuzhan very easily lets go of Huai’en being Zongzheng Yunlian’s son and urges him to be free until he comes back for Xiaoyu. Perhaps that’s the Zongzheng Yuzhan we’d have seen if Huai’en had visited him in prison, but that steady escalation of their differences until it reached a boiling point made the stakes in the second half of the show that much more impactful for me.

In all, I enjoyed BFSS. It was worth reading and did add a lot of insight into certain scenes that couldn’t possibly include dialogue, especially Xiaobao’s thoughts during poison episodes and his quieter moments as Huai’en insisted on proving what a joke Su Yin’s security was to him. (I’m imagining Su Yin with a clown nose and wig asking, “Am I a joke to you?” Yes. Yes, you are. But I love you anyway.)

Perhaps I’d feel a little differently if I’d read the book before watching the show. Having gone the opposite direction, though, I’m left astounded at how well MYATB took a book with over a hundred chapters, adapted it for the screen, enhanced both the plot and characters, and told the story in twelve episodes with time to spare for an extra fluffy epilogue. There was a lot of love put into the show, and while I did enjoy the book, that may have made all the difference for me.

[luck-of-the-drawings]

smth smth about 'the thing that the character did that you thought was rly rly funny in the moment is actually linked to a terrible trauma that lies within said character.' or wahtever.

[loserboyfriendrjl]

regulus black had a lonely funeral; carnations scattered around a black coffin. orion and cygnus were carrying it, and in their eyes, there was a strange sorrow, a strange regret.

walburga and druella were trailing behind. walburga, solemn as always, mourned the spare son. druella mourned the lesser of the two brothers, the weak, the meek.

bellatrix was walking in front of them, her head high, her face dry. she was not going to mourn a traitor, she was not going to cry over a man that had ruined their master. she, however, allowed herself to grieve the young man that her cousin had been, aside anything else.

narcissa stood beside her, and her eyes glistened with tears. she clung to lucius' arm, as if it was the only thing that could keep her away from falling apart, from spilling away. she had loved regulus, she really had. she had seen deep within him. she had seen the boy he hadn't been allowed to be. she had seen deeper than the façade, deeper than the skull mask, deeper than the dark mark, etched into his skin, forever black ink, now, white.

maybe that was forgiveness. in death, there are no sinners. the dead are pure, the dead are forgiven. the dead would soon be forgotten. was the change of color something meaningful, or was it a mere coincidence?

was it death that united a family so distant?

regulus black had died in a cold, empty cave. the crisp air of december was biting at their cheeks, leaving them rosy and cold, the same way their hearts were. their hearts were red and alive, and regulus' was deep within the carcass that his body was; his soul, however, had ascended (had it? or had he been such a despicable person that no one would forgive him?)

it snowed on the night of regulus black's funeral. his headstone was simple, and it read the same thing that ot read for everyone else in the black family.

regulus arcturus black

1961-1978

he hadn't been special, of course. the noble and most ancient house of black knows no exceptions, even for those they were supposed to love.

regulus black died a lonely death. regulus black had a lonely funeral; however, in the dead of the night, a slender dog knelt beside the gravestone, white tulips in his mouth. a wolf howled in the distance, pained, a wail of grief and madness. the dog's body was pressed against the cold stone.

there was something holding him there, a pulse of the earth that kept him close to a boy he had once loved, to a man he had resented.

[feychild1225]

[fairyyuki]

And so… I’m watching Meet you at the blossom. 🙈

[walkthemoonshadow]

I hope Meet You at the Blossom sets a precedent for other uncensored wuxia BLs. If this team could just like… keep making shows like this one and just switch up the actors every time that would be great, but also, other teams should do it too. I look forward to seeing what they can create.

[citrusdownn]

whispers of freedom and love spoken to flowers

[ellsieee]

After @yannig mentioned that there was a sequel to the Blooming Flowers, Silent Sorrow (MYATB novel) that features Siming and Jinbao, I had to investigate.

The sequel is called Jinbao Marries a Wife and is being translated here. I haven't started reading, so I don't know if it's getting a proper translation or it's MTL, but from what I can tell from a preliminary skim, it doesn't look like a copy and paste G translate job.

Until we can manifest a live action sequel into existence, this will have to do.

[guzhufuren]

-

Meet You At The Blossom give this to me. give me

[natalieina]

Fern Flower

According to the ancient legends of the Slavs, underground treasures will be opened to the one who finds the fern flower, and he will know the language of the bird and the beast, and he will have great power... But this path is terrible and the price is terrible... A sinless soul must be sacrificed...

Model - Kylie Lane.

Natalie Ina Photography.

June 2024.

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Behance

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[theoncomingchaos]

Meet you at the Blossom Novel

I've been reading the Meet you at the Blossom novel while watching the show and so far there are a lot of things the TV series really improved on with only minimal cute scenes being omitted.

There are some things that could be really triggering for some people in the novel, but if you can get passed those, I would really recommend it for people who want to better understand Huaien and Xiaobao's thinking and the progression of their feelings better.

Below the cut I have a list of major differences, descriptions of the cute scenes that were cut, trigger warnings for the book, and a brief analysis of the development of Xiaobao and Huaien's feelings for each other as per the book that can help clarify things for the TV series- especially for all the people out there wondering if they are still lying to each other.

Spoilers, obviously, but I've only read up through the harem scene.

Major differences:

-We get to see in both Xiaobao and Huaien's minds, so we are aware of what they are really feeling very clearly.

-The TV series added plot heavy scenes that don't involve the main two boys which helps make the situation a lot more clear.

-The book has a lot more sex...pretty sure half the book is literally just smut haha

-Xiaobao has been with guys before but only because it was a huge fad for a while and all his friends pressured him. He didn't really like being with guys and was always the top. (I've heard the author really likes the "what if they are both tops" trope and that is what is happening here.)

-There are some very ominous bits of foreshadowing for much later in the book...it seems like this series is going to get VERY dark later.

-Xiaoyu wants to marry Xiaobao and the parents are on board for this because she is smarter than him and will be better to run the family business, but Xiaobao only thinks of her as a sister and is very firmly against this.

The cutest missing scenes from the book:

-Xiaobao washing Huaien's hair in the cave. This is originally how the being together forever talk happened because Xiaobao casually said he wanted to wash his hair for the rest of his life.

-After their trip home in episode 5 (after they banged in that carriage for 5 days straight) Xiaobao wants to see Huaien at night, but he's off doing his sneaky shit, so Xiaobao falls asleep in Huaien's bed and then wakes up to Huaien hugging him.

Triggers for the novel that might make it difficult to read:

-Huaien is 15...(Xiaobao is 19 which is also not considered an adult in this story, but still) I find this easy to ignore because I just imagine the drama actors and skip passed all the mentions of him being 15, but yeah...still pretty messed up.

-There are multiple graphic rape scenes that are fully depicted. Always Huaien raping Xiaobao- sometimes Xiaobao trying to rape him and getting raped instead. The TV series has handled their sex scenes a lot better.

-Xiaobao who seems to not really actually be that chubby even in the novel is fat shamed a lot

Character thoughts development through episode 5:

-Xiaobao:

I want to marry her.

I need to top him because my dignity demands it.

I just want to be with him and if bottoming is the way I can hold him and kiss him, then I can bare it. Maybe if we get close enough, he'll let me top him one day! He is so beautiful and perfect.

I want to be with him and only him forever. (Book Xiaobao has not had a wandering eye the way the TV one did.)

I am going to protect him and shower him with kindness and teach him how to love...but I still wanna top him someday. People can NOT find out that I bottom, it will ruin my reputation forever. I need to grow up, show my parents they can trust me with the family business, and make sure I can make a good future for us.

-Huaien

This dude is disgusting why is he following me around?

Sex pollen- Huaien has NEVER had sex before, he doesn't like getting close to people or having people touch him. He never has wanted anything or anyone for himself. This opened a whole new world to him and he literally couldn't stop...for probably a lot longer than you are thinking.

Well, I already fucked him, so it doesn't change anything if I keep fucking him.

Why does he seem less disgusting now?!?! I don't know what love is supposed to feel like, but he is the closest person to me in the entire world already, so if I were to fall in love it could only be with him.

Ok, he is the one thing I want. Just him. I'll finish my last mission for father and finally be free, then he and I can travel the world and be together.

I am going to love him single-mindedly like my parents loved each other. I will protect him and keep him safe. He is mine and only mine, and if he fucks this up because he is an idiot playboy with no control, then I will make it so he ONLY has me in the entire world.

Today's Upcoming Episode: (No major spoilers just speculation about episode 6)

That last cliffhanger was so brutal, I'll admit I read to the end of the brothel scene which brings me to chapter 54 for reference. I don't think it's going to go the same way in the TV series, but I do think whatever happens is going to be brutal and bring about a very unhealthy and dark turn for the relationship. Hold on tight.