#For me thats the situation and i think no one should force themselves so much for people who treat them bad etc

[mgsdelta]

being poor is literally so miserable

[mrfoox]

The few times I suprise people or have them disagree badly its usually concerning family and relative logic

If no one knows anything of my family or that situation they'd probably think im a big fan of family bc im generally caring and loving but man....

In my opinion, if an person is an asshole or overall just very bad for your mental health and they are unwilling or unable to change... You don't owe them your time. Ive had people argue with me about it and that's fine everyone thinks differently but imo... 'sharing blood' doesn't mean you owe them your time and health etc

I'd rather invest time and love into the people who are good to me back, whether we share blood or not

[cinefairy]

move with love, not hate.

you cannot hate the person you are now to become the person you want to be.

often times we are our worst critics, we criticise everything about ourselves from the way we talk, walk and move around in the world.

we do this because we think we are not up to par with our peers and the people around us or what social media thinks society should behave like. i know personally for me i would set out a certain high standard for myself and whenever i failed to reach that standard i would just be absolutely cruel to myself.

this brought me nothing i wasn’t doing well mentally and i wasn’t doing well physically because i had battered myself with cruel words. hating myself was one of the worst things i ever done to myself. i ended up treating myself like someone who didn’t deserve love, respect and warmth when in fact i did deserve all those things (and still do).

and its not like i didn’t try to be happy & love myself, i tried many times. i looked deeply at myself in the mirrors trying to force myself. but thats the thing, i was forcing myself. would someone who truly loves themselves force it? no, self-love flows through effortlessly, without trying its a beautiful thing that doesn’t need to be forced but expressed naturally.

it was like a battle in my mind, i was fighting with myself. i never accepted, i never let go i was holding tightly to my own self-hatred and even more so i was hating myself for not getting better. for not thriving like others, i think i was so upset and hurt that i just wanted to continue fighting with myself. it was the only response i knew in stressful situations, it was like a reflex response.

it wasn’t until i made the decision to continue, despite it all where things started to look up for me. no i didn’t go on a rampage of self-love affirmations but instead i accepted myself as i am.

i accepted the things i was pushing down and hiding away from. i accepted that im not like other people and that everyone including me is on different journeys in their lives. theres no point in me comparing.

i accepted my messy and “unpolished” self. i accepted that i have crazy emotions that can override my rational self. i cant be horrible to myself over stuff like that i can only grow and be kinder.

“yes maya, right now you are messy, right now you are going up & down and living with a ton of emotions. that is what a normal human being is like.” — A snippet from my diary in February, 2020.

YES YOU ARE A HUMAN, YES YOU WILL MAKE MISTAKES. AND YOU ARE BOUND TO MAKE MORE MISTAKES. YES YOU HAVE FAILED. MANY, MANY TIMES. BUT THAT STILL ISNT A VALID REASON TO GIVE UP ON LIFE.

with this new acceptance i was finally able to let go with the old self. it didnt bring me down, i wasn’t holding onto it. it felt like a weight being lifted off my shoulders, it felt like i can finally be free. that im no longer in the shackles of my past, i released it and with that release came a new person evolving.

once i made this decision, i treaded lightly with myself. when things went wrong i wouldn’t immediately jump to dispute hate onto myself. when i implanted love in my routine i saw myself changing therefore the world around me was changing.

this new-founded acceptance allowed me to bring in pockets of love, i loved how i still had a long journey ahead of me. i loved how i still have so much time to grow. i loved how i can still have setbacks in my life but get up every morning and try again. i loved how the option of starting again and finding myself was always available.

hate brings nothing good, love brings all. love brings new meanings, new memories, new soul adventures, new ways to find things that you really love. new people. its a beautiful thing that we can all experience deeply.

[sharpth1ng]

If someday they will make last part of scream, like definitely the end who do you want as ghostfaces? I saw different opinion, probably Sam and Sidney being the most popular (in this duo or in one of them + Billy ghost duo). I personally would like to see Stu + Billy ghost as like final Buckle but that’s maybe because I love that kind of plot twist.

Let’s say that we are in different universe where scream don’t have problems with production, no one was fired and everyone are willing to come back to play their roles

I can't really see Sidney going ghostface in the context of the movie franchise as it's played out so far. Sid has successfully moved on, she retaliates unflinchingly when attacked but she doesn't attack first because she doesn't want a life of violence and vengeance. I think bringing her back in and making her a ghostface at this point would be a regression for her character and I would need that to be justified pretty well for it to work for me.

In terms of making Sam a ghostface, I think that would be a bad call in terms of her character arc. Part of what works for Sam (and I think the movies could have done a much better job of this) is that she experiences insane amounts of victim blaming but for the most part the movie sides with her.

Unfortunately we live in a world where the violent actions of victims against their aggressors are heavily scrutinized, and victimhood gets questioned if the victim is angry, imperfect, or if they fight back. Sam FIGHTS BACK though, and she isn't bad for that. I also wouldn't want to see her turned into a villain because I already feel that the representation of her mental health/hallucination situation isn't great. I don't experience psychosis so other people are better positioned to speak on this, but from what I've heard from friends the way the movie deals with this part of her character makes them uncomfy too.

SO thats why I wouldn't want Sam and Sid ghostfaces at this point. I can see them putting on the mask to fight back but I cant see them being the killers themselves.

Now on to who think should be the final ghosties:

Gale

I've been thinking she would make a good ghostface for a while but where we are in terms of her character arc in the series I think she's extra well set up for it. We've always known Gale to be cutthroat and career focused. We've also known Dewey to be someone who anchors and softens her but Dewey has passed so she doesn't have that anchor anymore. Even with the boyfriend she has in scream 6 she barely reacts when he dies; she's struggling to form real attachments. We also know she's struggling with her career. Her main subject is ghostface, that's her claim to fame and her writing doesn't sell as well without it.

So we have a Gale struggling with meaningful social connections, struggling with her career, and her entire adult life has been defined by ghostface. She's been dragged through movie after movie getting chased around and having people killed off around her, and this is where it gets meta (like a good scream movie should).

Because at this point in the franchise what can we be commenting on? We've commented on sequels, requels/reboots, trilogies to a certain extent. And to be honest I think scream 6 totally failed with the meta-commentary part here but that's a rant for another day. So I think what we need to comment on is something like genre fatigue.

We have this final girl (Gale absolutely is, even though we don't always call her that) who's been forced through movie after movie after movie, and what does that do to a character in the context of a franchise? They become flanderized. They become a hollow and superficially characterized version of themselves, occasionally they become someone you can't even recognize as the original version of the character. Of course this doesn't always happen, careful writing and attention to character progression can keep that from happening, but to be honest Gale hasn't had much of that (not none, just not enough imo).

So to bring Gale in, socially isolated, unwilling to keep forming connections because they all fucking die, and desperate for some more recognition and a paycheck, and have her put on the mask and robe to revive the series? That feels like meta-commentary, baby.

Can you even imagine the reveal of that? Especially if Sidney comes back? That would be a legitimately tragic betrayal the likes of which we haven't seen in this franchise in a second. It's always a significant other, a family member, or a friend. But we've never had a former survivor as ghostface, and certainly never the other final girl, so this would be a legitimate plot twist if done well (scream 6 plot twist fell flat on it's face for me ngl).

There's also something good about the way this comments on different reactions to trauma as well. Not everyone is like Sid. Some victims internalize the abuse and repeat the cycle, especially when they've had to re-live it over and over to the point that they're numb to it.

In terms of Gale's partner we could go a few different directions. I could see her hiring a few randoms to ghostface for her, maybe like 4 or 5 so several can die through the course of the movie and still we know it can't be over.

That said, Gale's partner could also be a freshly released Stu. While I don't think they would be super in-sync with each other, I can totally see Gale seeking him out because ultimately she's doing this all for a good story, and what could be a better story than one of the original killers coming back?

I also think that this would provide some good final act drama because Gale would clearly be trying to frame Stu as the only killer to position herself as a victim, and Stu would absolutely double-cross her. Beyond that I would love to see Stu interacting with Billy's daughter, especially because I think he would disobey Gale if she told him to kill Sam.

So yeah lmao wrote another novel but these are my thoughts. Fuck Spyglass pictures though.

[borderline-culture-is]

Vent, TW Suicidal ideation, Self harm, ED mention....idk what else //

BPD culture is waNTING TO FUCKING KILL YOURSELF BECAUSE YOU'RE NEVER FUCKIN TAKEN SERIOUSLY

Even your own mother who deals with similar shit DOESN'T FUCKING BELIEVE ME AND THINKS IM A SPOILED FUCKING BRAT

WHAT DID I DO WRONG?? HM?? WHAT DID I DO WRONG??

now it's to the fucking point where my sister thinks it's fun and quirky to tell every fucking kid she meets "oh I love being sad and depressed!!" AND I FUCKING HATE IT. SHE KNOWS BETTER. SHE FUCKING KNOWS BETTER.

I've explained it to her, my mother has explained it to her, SHE'S SEEN MY MOM GET SO SUICIDAL AND FUCKIN LOSE HERSELF BECAUSE OF IT. BUT YEAH, NO, ITS FUN TO BE DEPRESSED. ITS NOT LIKE IT MAKES EVERYONES LIFE A LIVING FUCKING HELL!!!

I dont

I don't fucking care if she's 8. I don't fucking care. I KNEW BETTER AT 8. I FUCKING KNEW BETTER. I KNEW BETTER THAN TO TELL PEOPLE TO KILL THEMSELVES TOO.

And now because my mom is SO keen on forcing us to be those stupid fucking ultra close siblings, my mom gave her MY favourite artist to listen to. THEY'RE MY FAVE ARTIST. I DON'T CARE IF ANYONE ELSE LISTENS TO THEM BUT THIS KID???? IT MAKES ME WANT TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF.

They saved my life, they speak out about mental health, I'VE SPOKEN TO THEM AND THEY'RE SOME OF THE SWEETEST PEOPLE EVER. SHES FUCKING RUINING THE ONE THING I HAD, AND MY MOM KEEPS GIVING HER MORE OF MY MUSIC AND NOW MORE OF IT IS GETTING RUINED!!!!! I WANT TO CLAW MY FUCKING TATTOO OFF NOW BECAUSE OF THIS SHIT

I do not

Fucking lay in bed crying and having panic attacks, HAVING NIGHTMARES DAY AFTER FUCKING DAY BECAUSE EVERYTHING IS TOO MUCH AND IS ALWAYS MADE OUT TO BE MADE INTO A FUCKING JOKE.

I HATE THIS FUCKING KID. I HATE THIS FUCKING FAMILY SO MUCH. SHE KEEPS FUCKING SINGING CITIZEN SOLDIER SONGS AND BRAGGING ABOUT BEING DEPRESSED BUT HAS DONE EVERYTHING SHE FUCKING CAN TO RUIN MY LIFE

"oh, but she's just a kid-" SHE ADMITS IT. SHE ADMITS IT ALL THE TIME TO ME. SHE'S TOLD ME TO KILL MYSELF AND CONFIRMED THAT SHE KNEW WHAT IT MEANT. SHE TELLS ME SHE HATES ME. SHE TELLS ME SHE LIES TO GET ME YELLED AT BECAUSE IT MAKES ME CRY. SHE'LL SIT HERE AND WATCH ME FUCKING BREAK DOWN AND FUCKING INSTIGATE SHIT. WHEN I FINALLY CRACKED AND TOLD MY MOM I WAS SUICIDAL, SHE FUCKING CHIMED IN TO START BULLYING ME TO THE POINT MY MOM HAD TO SHUT HER DOWN!!!!

one day

I'm gonna fucking leave.

I'm gonna fucking leave this house and go lay in the middle of the fucking road in the dead of night so that I can get fucking ran over and die

I cant

Keep living like this

I fucking can't, I keep fucking trying but I fucking can't. Why do I do everything possible to take care of everyone, to the point that on MY birthday, on the ONE DAY A YEAR THATS FOR ME, I HAD TO TALK MY MOM OUT OF SUICIDE. I WAS THE ONE BEING YELLED AT. I HAD TO GET A GROWN ASS WOMAN TO STOP ASKING ME FOR A KNIFE SO SHE COULD KILL HERSELF IN FRONT OF ME. I WAS THE ONE THAT MY SISTER GLARED AT WITH HATRED WHEN I TRIED TO DEAL WITH THE SITUATION. I WAS THE ONE MY DAD YELLED AT BECAUSE HE WAS MAD AT MY MOM FOR LEAVING. BUT NO. I'M THE FUCK UP.

God I think I gave myself a concussion, it hurts. It hurts so bad and I need to throw up. And what's worse? This fucking kid watched me beat my head in and I heard her just...make such a disgusted noise and go back to telling her friends on fortnite that she's so depressed and bragging about it and saying it's SO fun...

My bulimia has already come back, and y'know what. Fuck it. I'm done. I'm fucking done trying to hide everything so that THEY'RE happy. So that THEY don't get their panties in a twist over me fucking struggling. If I get the urge to purge, I'll fucking purge. If I get the urge to fucking cut my thighs open, then so fucking be it. I'm done. I'm fucking done. "You need to put yourself first!" I FUCKING TRIED. YOU GOT MAD AT ME. YOU YELLED AT ME. YOU YELLED AT AND BERATED ME, SO WHY SHOULD I CARE??? HUH?? TELL ME??

I'm tired. I don't. Have people to talk to. No one to fucking help me, and I can't blame them. My best friend has bigger things to worry about other than me being a fucking baby. I abandoned the few other people I still talked to because I couldn't handle it anymore. The one server that I was finally feeling safe enough to talk in might be shut down soon because it's stressing the band out from issues that keep happening. I'm fucking. Alone. And I'm tired.

I have until October. After that, Idk. We'll see. But October is so....so far away. It's gonna be hard. Idk if I can do it but I'll try I guess.

- 🪡🎶

.

[marabarl-and-marlbara]

hello mara,

i would like to say that i dearly enjoy reading the details of your life you share with us and how church has been for you. it's comforting for me to read.

thank you

hi anonymous, good morning;

thank you, appreciate it! but what of when i share my love for wc3 and grubbys videos on it? last night before bed-time i had been watching one of his bronze league videos, and he 'zoomed in' while doing his commentary, and it had been a rainy map, and when he zoomed in it just sparked all this nostalgia in me for the map-maker and making little roleplay maps in rainy villages overrun with the undead.

church though: i:m always surprised any-one at all would read my sermon notes; truthfully the experience of "going to church" is a super boring one--but i:d still stand-by advocating for attending one for even hardline religion-haters, mostly because if you:ve ended up in a situation like me (completely afraid of going outside, completely disdainful for others, mostly entirely alone, hikikomori-ism this-and-thats) doing something like forcing yourself to walk and attend your local church (or whatever faith) is good to loosen up some webs that:ve been collecting in your head, and churchs are typically so desperate for new people that they all will likely show you some form of love-bombing (not really maliciously, i think). it:s the web-loosening part that i think has the most benefit, though, 'cause it:s something new for your brain that has gone so accustomed to stagnating, it:s like refreshing the water a little and giving it current. bonus upside, you might end up with a bunch of 'found family' types who want to pester their way into your life to care for you in that obnoxious way christians care (i mean this both in the best and worst ways; the worst should be stated as any experience people have with 'leaving the church' due to finding themselves suddenly cold at not sharing the same values of the church and the resulting 'weather').

but i happen to have a love for adventism, and like reading the bible, and like my pastor a whole lot even though there:s a barrier between me and him that:d never let either of us in-to the life of the other, i think; least if i hold on to etiquette of faith as i need--which pangs me a bit (this is me being silly and old here) lately as i think about marriage and finding myself in situation devoid of any hint of relationship with another (the back-glow here is that my relationship need be stated to be to something invisible and unreciprocated on a worldly level; but sometimes i wish i had a family and partner of my own, still).

but, at the same time: i think sometimes people mistake my approach to religion as being a blank advocate for religion (i am), but i mostly don:t care much to hear of other people adopting faith at odds of a clean and unconfused chiral one; less out of spite, more out of believing my own belief to be 'the correct one' and feel another small nibbling pang at hearing another stray away into confusion. but: i:m not a great advocate for my own beliefs, and for what-ever reason seem to have a better track record in pushing others into general unspecified faith.

twirling hair, sighing, longing: wc3 grubby videos wouldn:t do that to me; wc3 grubby videos are uncomplicated.

anyways take care, anonymous!

[yahoodarling]

YAHOOOOOO!!!!~

I love the kind of dark content you do, not overly sexual (ookay thats a lie but it doesnt FEEL forced) and has good plot to it!!!! Could i request an abused and yandere Scaramouch and a reader that helps him?

Mwha Mwha! Kisses for you haha. Thanks for the kind words, i enjoy Dark Content plot more than sex most of the time. Hope this satisfies you. Made it a modern au to fit so it doesnt contrast genshin lore hehe

AbusedYandereScaramouch X ProtectorReader(GN) Modern AU

Warnings:DARK CONTENT, age gap (scara age 8 reader age 21 first half, scara age 18 reader age 31second half), murder, violence, descriptives of blood, child abuse, implied sexual assult, mental instability, yandere themes

Note:Child Scara looked after random/made up parents, NOT DEPICTED AS EI

Of course as any sane and rational being, I don't promote this stuff. If you are romanticizing the abuse of children get the FUCK out. I'm a teacher, surrounded by kids and I hear these things happen and it's fucking disgusting.

He just wanted to read the book, it wasn't a big deal. The cover was so pretty, a secret garden full of flowers and moss with a kind looking prince. The kind lady said he could have it… HE can HAVE it! He didn't ask for it or steal it or anything! He doesn't deserve to be reprimanded!

“This shitty child out begging for freebies. What?! We don't give you enough?!” the man yelled. That's all he is, ‘The man’. Not his father, just the horrid, foul smelling man that made his life a nightmare and next to him stood the witch of a lady he'd never felt to be his mother. 

“(*****), I think he should be a little more grateful and stop embarrassing us. He is already an embarrassment.”

Scara knew the lady wanted a daughter, one to braid hair and play with dresses, not a son like him, she forced him to grow his hair out, to wear dresses, to reject anything masculine.

“No shit. Come here boy-” 

He should run, he should run far away, far away from these people but he couldnt, he was scared. He didnt know what life outside this small apartment would be like, it could be worse than this. Are all kids like him brought up like this? Then maybe he should just take it, everyone must do it for a reason even if it does hurt so much.

Still… he didnt want that man touching him anymore.

“OI! Brat!” Scara ran away from him, clutching the book in his arms, tears streaming down his face. All he wants is to be the Prince, to live in a pretty garden and practice sword fighting with a tree or find a fairy that will lead him to adventure, he didnt want to be a mistake, to live in a grumpy apartment and practice how to quieten sobs from the man or be lead to …

“Leave me alone! Please!” he begged, please can he just live that happy life, please can he just be happy.

‘You have to fight for it.’

“I just want to read a book!”

‘You have to fight for it.’

“All i want is to live!”

‘You have to kill for it.”

“Thats it!” The familiar yell and view of a hand passed his eyes and he braced for protection.

You open the door to your neighbors house, those screams were worth investigating. You hoped they weren't what you thought they were. Upon first sight of opening the front door there was red, so much red. On the floor, smudged on the walls, on furniture and surrounding the two figures lying motionless on the floor. Your eyes scanned to find a young kid, you had never seen them before, with long dark purple hair and clothes soaked red, in his hands he held a knife and wide unfocused eyes staring blankly at the wall. As much as you wanted to scream and run away, call help and leave you knew that would make the situation worse. Before you stood a young, mentally unstable kid who had just killed your neighbors. You never knew them much, they were secluded and kept to themselves but they didn't seem like bad people.

‘I hate this… i hate this so much…’

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

You need to think about every word and action.

“My name is (first name)” you say, create a personal introduction so he feels safer to calm down rather than immediately bombard him with questions.

“What's your name?”

It took a while, the boy's chest seemed to heave up and down from rapid breath until he whispered out a faint, ‘Scaramouch’.

“I see, well Scaramouche your hands are very dirty, could you go wash them?” get the knife out his hands, don't be demanding as it may trigger him.

The boy still seemed in shock but he did as you asked, he walked to the nearby sink, put the knife down and began to wash his hands. You took a moment to collect yourself. To call the cops right away may trigger him so you'd have to wait a bit. You looked at the boy and saw bruises and marks litter his skin, your heart fell immediately. So this was a case of an outburst from the result of child abuse? That's the only thing you could assume to imagine your nice, though quiet, neighbors like that made you very unsettled.

“Done.” His voice was quiet and toneless.

“I see. Could I come in?” you ask, still standing from outside, he nodded but still looked down at the sink.

“Scaramouch, could you come here so we can talk?” you ask, a good few feet away from the door if you need to run but inside the house enough to be close to the boy already. He seemed reluctant at first, his face squeezing into different frowns before walking towards you and looking at your feet. Good, he left the knife.

“What's going through your mind right now?”

“You are going to phone the police, right? I'm gonna go to jail like the other filth.”

It kind of scared you he was thinking of that rather than about him being sad or emotional about killing his supposed parents. You have to tell the truth, lies won't help.

“Yes I will but it's different. You are a smart boy, I'm sure you know you won't go to an adult prison. I think you may have to see some doctors and live in a special home but it's nothing like an adult prison so it will be okay.”

He looked up to you with big eyes, eyes that seemed to question, ‘will it really be okay?’.

“It's alright, i will explain to the police, i know it's not all your fault. Do you want to hear me phone them?”

He didn't respond, he just walked to the wall, sat down back to you and seemed to just phaze out of consciousness. The reek of blood and nausea was starting to set in, the whole situation was starting to set in but the best you could do was stay calm.

You phoned up the police to report the crime, needing to be mindful of what you said and how you said it since Scaramouch could hear you. “Hello, yes, im here to report a murder. Two adults at this address. Yes, I know who the murderer is, they are here too, its a child, maybe 6 or 7, he is stable for now. I believe this was an attempt of defense from child abuse, the child has signs of it all over. Okay, thank you.” you were told to be on alert, not like you weren't already, and to not approach the kid, though to see his huddled up form leaning on the wall like a lifeless doll tugged on your heart.

“Scaramouch, how are you feeling?”

“Sore”

“I can imagine.” … “May I sit here?” you ask, sitting a few feet away from him and he nodded.

It was quiet when all of a sudden the boy spoke up.

“Why do you speak like that? Don't all adults yell or talk harshly. Adults aren't supposed to sound… soft.” he frowned at his own sentence.

“Why can't adults be soft?”

“Cause they are mean and they do mean things and are angry all the time. It's my fault, I did something I wasn't supposed to and now I'm in this mess.”

This was his outlook… you really wished you had noticed what had been happening in this house sooner, maybe you could have saved him from some of this trauma.

“Scara, not all adults are like that. Most are nice and soft.”

“... Do they hug?”

You looked confused.

“One night I saw that man watching tv and saw two people hugging. That's normal?”

“Well yes, it is normal.”

“So I'm not normal?”

“Well, this house isn't normal but that doesnt mean you aren't. It will be okay.”

. . .

“Can I have a hug then, if it's normal?”

The question made fear spike through your spine, yes this was a kid but it was a kid that just killed two people. Of course you were hesitant but you were also stupidity emotional.

“Scara, can you promise me, on your most favorite thing, that you won't hurt me if I hug you?” You ask.

Scara looks around for a moment. “I promise on my book.”

You didn't understand the context but had to trust him.

“Scara! Well done!” You clapped for him as you left your car door and walked up to him, he graduated highschool and you two organized for him to stay the night and celebrate, it meant the world to him. Honestly, it surprised you how you were able to stay in contact. While he was a kid in hospital you visited a few times and when in the adoption home you'd message him and take him out for trips when you were free on weekends. He never did get adopted for some reason and now he'd be out in the world, he has told you he has a plan and not to worry about him but you still do. One thing that was hard to grow out of was seeing him in a safe limelight, for a while every time you saw him you reimagined the bloody scene and his face but now you had grown accustomed to the older him. The past still haunted you but at least it was better for you two now.

You hold out your hand slowly, he takes it, and you gently pull him in slow step at a time till he is close by to which you hesitantly open your arms and hold the small boy in you. He hugged back and immediately fell into your seated lap. You two stayed like that until the police came. It was a big deal sorting through everything, explaining and making sure Scara stayed calm and in time, in a long long time you could comfortably say the scene was over. Court done, Scara in a specialty hospital for kids and you were back home but that house next door continued to sink your heart each time you saw it. You decided to move.

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

“Thanks” he smiled softly and tugged on his sun hat a little, even though it was late afternoon and the sun was already setting.

You pulled your stuff out of the car and approached him, giving him a side hug with your open arm and then directing him to the door. He had been here many times, it was natural to have him over.

“So, shall we pop open a bottle or have dinner first? Haha” you laugh, putting your stuff down as Scara quietly closes the door and takes his hat off, messing around his short hair for a bit before letting it settle.

“Hmmm, dinner first, then drinks. We don't need to rush.”

It was late and quiet all in contrast to  scaramouches loud heart beat. He couldn't sleep, he never could when he slept over at your house. Honestly he didn't care about school, nearly everyone there was useless and boring but to see your happy face as you greet him, to see you celebrate HIM, for whatever reason, made his heart flutter. He wanted to be with you, be with you more often than you do already and more intimately than just hugs or shoulder pats. He closed his eyes for a second, imagining the life he wished to live, maybe one day he will grow the confidence to make it into a reality but for now he had to be patient and just enjoy what he could get. That's not to say he wasn't confident in getting what he wants, far from it, proved by how he stood up, bare feet padding on the floors towards your room. You were asleep, of course it was close to 2am. His light, his savior from the dark. He wanted to cherish you, worship you and just be with you.

“Then so be it!”

._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._._

He neared the bed and climbed on, leaning his head over to yours, he 'd hear your breaths and see even the smallest movement on your face. He leant down, meeting his lips with yours for a very soft kiss, one not to disturb you. With a quick light hug to your covered body he then stood up, neared the door and watched you from a good while before getting back to his room. He doesn't need to worry about the future, where he will stay or anything else if his future is with you, no matter the cost.

[esoteriamaya]

Mars In Scorpio: The Venom That Heals.

Mars in Scorpio is a placement nobody talks about enough for me. The scorpion that gets its bite back. time and time again. No one knows the true nature of this placement and sometimes neither does scorpio martians. Yet they are continously going into the depths of their darkness to take back whatever has been stolen from them. This is why they can come off cold at some point in life because the world could see their power and tried to diminish it. Warriors even when they dont have to, they protect those who mirror what they've gone through in the past and their compassion goes a mile long for those in vulnerable situations.

Mars in scorpio people have a venom not too many people get a taste of, but should. They've given it out a few times to know that sometimes its not good to use the tongue to strike. However they also have loving words and this venom can be used to heal others in a way.

When they learn to feel confident in their power, nothing can shake them. Hell even the very best will not be able to shake their confidence. It doesnt matter if youre bigger, better, stronger, faster, smarter or whatever they will still battle you and will have a winning mindset in it all. How they transform is like no other, its scary to watch at times. To be dominate, or not be dominate, that is the question. Their power can intimidate people no matter how they look. Because with scorpion energy their masking a lot so you cant see too much of who they really are unless they want to show you. So all you get is a dark aura with a lot of power but no possible way to describe it. This is why people go out their way to try and diminish it. They cant mimic it so they got to destroy it.

They cant find it in themselves to move through their own subconscious to find the hidden layers in themselves like you do, so they try their best to make you feel belittled.

You strengthen the mind as you evolve. You move with your heart and you allow people to see your confidence the more you make amends with the way you are the more comfortable you will be in your power.

Rise high my fellow scorpio martians !! You are powerful dont let no one take that from you. You are naturally dominate no need to force it, THATS why their scared of you.

The Black Widow spider comes to mind when I think of you. ;)

[precious-little-scoundrel]

https://www.tumblr.com/precious-little-scoundrel/757804202511712257/its-not-a-throwaway-at-all-two-things-drive-it

Omg yes I agree with this so much

I see so much criticism of her character’s flaws (which is understandable - to an extent!) and little to no sympathy for what has happened to cause this behaviour. Like give the girl a break, if growing up her boundaries have been consistently disregarded how will she have learnt the importance of respecting other’s boundaries.

AND she’s a young woman in a pow camp! Just bc others have gone through what could be deemed ‘worse’ trauma and are coping better doesn’t mean her trauma should be overlooked and she should be expected to never mess up. At the end of the day you can’t expect everyone to have their shit together at every moment in these types of situations, Bucky certainly has his moments but people move on from that and have sympathy for him, I really think this same sympathy should be given to everyone regardless of any minor previous faults.

I do understand why people criticise Maureen and thats fine, everyone has a right to their own opinions - but! Maybe also have a bit more understanding and sympathy for the characters backstory and trauma.

Anyways so sorry for the rant lol

Nooo, don’t be sorry. Love that I called and y’all came a’runnin. ☺️

Like I said in a previous one, I think it was just risky to have an under construction character going. And then along with my non linear writing style, even more so. But we are all still having fun with it, it seems.

Interestingly I found MotA a bit curious with its lack of gray protagonists. Not that every piece of media needs one, but that was half of what felt rushed about the series to me. Where was your SNAFU? Your Wild Bill? of pacific and BoB? You’d have had them in the Air Force, we just didn’t have time to showcase more than fucker Crosby face planted into breakfast or Egan’s lapses of sanity and decorum as an officer. Which tbh, was a far bigger deal imo than most people seem to agree.

And that’s coming from someone who’d advocate for a silver star from that man and lick his feet clean.

Those dear anons who’ve answered regarding the other point of view have expressed themselves well. And I appreciate it, all this seems to be a genuine desire to understand her, rationalize her, etc. which I appreciate. Loads.

My little cry for help was that yeah, cool that yall are taking it into consideration but, how was I to know? Only thing coming into my inbox was a repeat of her bad behaviors. Which are intentionally alarming, so I get it but.

Yet I was beginning to wonder if anyone actually noticed some of the other stuff. Not as a complete pass to Maureen, nope not at all, just for the sake of this contextualization we all supposedly want with any person or character. But now I know it’s being taken into account.

Which is a relief.

But I just don’t know that because id not heard a peep of it before. So, it was helpful to clear that up a bit.

[jowrites]

Cared for Always - Lee Heeseung

TW: mentons of character death, SPOILERS for House of Dragon(show), suggestive things, cursing...think thats it...OH FLUFF! Jake and Heeseung are such cutie patooties!

Enjoy some cuteness!

“She died yesterday.”

Heeseung was snapped out of his daze, staring at the girl across the courtyard walking without even a single glance. He frowned upon what he heard, staring at his friend in confusion. What was Jake talking about?

“Who died?” 

“Rhaenys, the Queen that never was but should have been.”

“Dude, I thought it was somebody we knew!”

He smacked his friend's arm, rolling his eyes and walking alongside the path.

“Ow! For your information, I’m extremely heartbroken right now! My queen is dead! This is bad, real bad.”

“We knew she was going to die, everyone dies! You read the books!”

“Yes, but I was not prepared to watch it this early on! Ugh! Hold me, I’m sad!”

Jake flung himself on his best friend, Heeseung sighing as he patted Jake’s back. 

“There, there. Sorrows, sorrows, prayers…”

“You really know how to make a person feel so much better…”

Heeseung chuckled as the two began to walk out of the University and onto the road that led them home. Heeseung’s mind was still preoccupied, still thinking of the girl who flooded his mind, day and night.

“Oh, we need to stop by the store, the fridge is empty,” Jake said, reminding his friend and roommate. Heeseung nodded as the two walked back home together.

“Let’s just get something quick and go to the store tomorrow, I’m tired,” Heeseung said, yawning. The two of them walked a little aways, both in mindless talks before they heard yelling. They looked at each other before Jake sprinted off to the noise, turning into the alleyway and seeing a girl yelling at 3 boys. She looked disheveled and was pulling on one of the boys’ arms, him being bigger and forcing her back. Heeseung ran up and caught her before she fell, her eyes wide and brows in a frown. It was her, the girl who flooded his mind.

“Ya! You jerks!” She screamed, running up and launching herself on one of the boys’ backs.

“Oh God, what did we get ourselves into?” Jake mumbled as he ran over and tried calming the situation.

“Leave it alone! What’s your problem?” She screamed as the other two boys tried pulling her off the struggling boy she was currently on.

“What’s your damage, lady? Get off of him!” One of the boys yelled.

“What’s going on?” Jake asked, trying to help but just standing there confused. “Hey, don’t touch her!”

Suddenly, Heeseung snapped from his thoughts and ran over, pulling the girl from the boys’ back and hiding her body behind his. He kicked one of the boys in the chest, causing him to fall and grabbed another boy by the collar and threw him to the ground. 

“Nobody touches her, got it! Now get lost,” Heeseung said in a threatening tone.

“Geez, what a fucking buzzkill,” one of the boys mumbled. “Let’s go.”

The boys mumbled to themselves as they got up and began walking away. The girl pushed Heeseung aside and ran over to the wall where some boxes were. She knelt to the ground holding her hand out, and that’s when Jake and Heeseung heard it. They heard the small meows of a kitten, to which she held close to her chest now, standing up and petting it. Her eyes were on the kitten as she comforted the small thing, her mind was clearly elsewhere. Oh.

“Are you okay?” Jake asked, the girl finally looking up and smiling.

“Mhm, thanks. They were torturing the poor thing,” she pouted. Cute.

“You’re YN, right?” Jake asked, giving a glance to his friend before focusing on her again.

“Oh, yes. Wait, how did you know who I was?” she asked, stepping back a little.

“Oh, we go to the same University. I’m Jake and this is Heeseung,” Jake introduced themselves.

“Ah, oh! I know you,” she said, smiling and pointing at Heeseung.

“You know me?” Heeseung asked, with disbelief and shock in his tone.

“Yeah, everyone talks about how talented you are with the piano,” she said. 

“Oh…” Heeseung said, rubbing the back of his neck. 

“That’s not the only thing he’s talented in,” Jake mumbled, Heeseung nudging his arm and giving him a glare. 

“Are you okay, YN? You shouldn’t have done something like that, who knows what those guys would have done,” Heeseung said, a warning in his voice. He didn’t even want to think what would have happened if they didn’t come.

“I’m okay, thank you both for helping me. Uhm, I’ll see you around, Heeseung and Jake,” she said, waving and picking up her bag, the kitten still in her arms as she began to walk away.

Jake sighed before shrugging and continued the walk home. Heeseung and Jake were silent as they walked behind the girl, not ever realizing they had the same walk home. Or maybe she was taking a shortcut? Heeseung’s eyes stayed on her as she talked to the kitten in her arms. She suddenly stopped in her tracks, both the boys stopping as she faced them.

“You don’t have to follow me, you know? I’ll be okay. I can handle myself,” she said.

“This is the way we live,” Jake said, causing a blush to form on her face.

“Oh…” she said, biting her lip. “Did you want to walk together then?”

“Wouldn’t hurt to,” Jake said, shrugging again as he continued walking. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?” she asked, Jake leaning over and petting the kitten in her arms.

“Why don’t you have any friends?” he asked, causing her to laugh.

“Hey, that’s mean,” she said, a smile on her face.

“Sorry, what he means to say-” Heeseung began, mentally slapping himself.

“No, I get it, it’s okay,” she cut him off, sighing. “Well, I just get busy. And I do have friends, they just don’t go there.”

“Ah, makes sense,” Jake said. “Don’t worry, Heeseung and I will be your friends now. Right, Hee?”

“Only if you want,” Heeseung said. “You can reject us, I wouldn’t blame you.”

“Dude,” Jake said, giving Heeseung a look.

“You two are kind of funny. Okay,” she said, laughing. “We can be friend’s. And this little kitty will be our mascot.”

“What should we name it?” Jake asked.

“That’s her cat she saved, she should be able to name it,” Heeseung said.

“But we saved her, so we should have a say,” Jake said.

“More like I saved her, you just stood there like an idiot!” Heeseung defended.

“I was thinking about ways to help, that counts for something!” Jake counteracted.

“Are you guys always like this?” She asked.

“Yes,” they both said, looking down at the girl between them. She laughed at them and shook her head, Heeseung couldn’t help the smile on his own face. Never once did she ever give him a glance, and suddenly she was here next to him laughing and joking around with him. How was this real?

************************

Since that day, the 3 of them have been inseparable. Jake and Heeseung will wait for her or pick her up on their way to the University together. They all realized they had a lot more in common than they expected, their schedules matching perfectly. YN ended up adopting the kitten and taking care of her. Yes, the kitten was a girl, and YN named her George. 

“Why George?” Jake asked.

“Because that’s what she said her name was, right George?” she asked the kitten, who meowed back at her. Jake just turned his head sideways but dropped it. 

The 3 of them have grown quite attached to the furry friend, excited everytime she greets them in YNs apartment, and enjoying her growth. YN takes care of her well and Heeseung can’t help but always buy something for her every time he’s at the store. YN says he spoils her too much, but deep down Heeseung gets things as an excuse to see YN. The more he spends with her, the more charming she really is and he yearns to have her love all to himself. 

Heeseung spends a lot of his time with her. She has made quite use of him, calling him over to help her fix things that broke and he’d be right there without any questions. A string on her cello and Heeseung was right there learning how to fix it for her and replacing every single string. She was struggling to sleep because her bedframe kept making noises, he was there buying her a new frame and setting it up for her. He was at her will, and she was holding the reins in complete control over his heart. 

Jake thinks he’s an idiot. 

Jake doesn’t understand why Heeseung drags his feelings out instead of just telling her. From the way YN acts around him, he’s sure she likes him too. Right? She looks at Heeseung with such adoration and Jake can only hope she looks at his best friend because she loves him. But YN cherishes people, and she cares truly for the people she cherishes. She doesn’t let people in often so she didn’t have to cherish them. But these two boys have managed to sneak their way into her life and heart, and there’s no going back.

“Hey, YN,” Heeseung asked. He was over at her apartment this Friday night, Jake being at work and he didn’t want to eat alone so he brought her dinner. He really just wanted to see her.

“Hm?” she asked, she was busy in the small kitchen she had.

“Are these the friends you told us about a while ago?” Heeseung asked, as he picked up a picture he saw on her bookshelf. It was a photo of her and 2 boys, taller but big smiles on their faces.

“Oh, y-yeah. My friends,” she said. Heeseung didn’t catch the sadness in her voice, but he came up and smiled at her.

“You should invite them over sometime, I’d love to meet your other friends,” he said, crossing his arms over his chest as he stared at her back. She was washing something in the sink and she just nodded her head. Heeseung looked at her, studying her movements and frowning. What was wrong? Did he say something?

“Are you okay?” he asked, coming up to her and trying to get a glance at her face. He saw a tear run down her face, she quickly looked away and wiped it.

“Oh, it’s getting late…I’m tired,” she said, suddenly wiping her hands at a frantic pace. Heeseung frowned and tugged gently on her wrist to look at him. He took her face in his hand and looked at her with his gentle eyes. She closed hers and breathed out before looking back up at him.

“Tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it,” he whispered, the need in his voice. 

“You can’t fix this,” YN said, a tear in her eye and her voice cracking. “They’ve been gone for a while now.”

He understood now. 

He understands why she doesn’t have many friends and why she never seemed to get close to anybody. She was scared they would leave her and not come back. His heart was aching for her and he wanted to show her he wasn’t going anywhere anytime soon. So that’s exactly what he’ll do. He kissed the top of her head and wrapped her in his embrace, hugging her as she cried. He just let her cry, he didn’t need to ask anymore. He didn’t need to hear the story, he just needed to be there for her.

“I miss them so much,” she cried, gripping his shirt hard. “I miss them…my friends…my family…”

Heeseung was doing everything in his power to not cry. He just needed to be the rock for her so she can let herself fold and he can be here to help her through her pain. He wondered if she had anybody else around, she never mentioned having anyone and she always seemed to be alone. Him and Jake must have been the only ones to come to her in a while. That thought alone made him uneasy, nobody should have to suffer like this and not have anyone. She shouldn’t have to be alone.

All Heeseung could do was hold her close.

********************************

It’s been a few weeks since that night and Jake found out but didn’t know the details. Heeseung didn’t know the details either, but he knew he didn’t need to know. It was up to her whether or not she would be comfortable enough telling them or not. All he could focus on was being here and being that heart for her. YN noticed Heeseung’s behavior change in the slightest. His touches are longer, he always stares directly into her eyes as she talks and she gets pulled in. He clings to her like he’s afraid she’ll disappear on him, when in reality she’s the one who’s afraid he’ll disappear. She didn’t know how to stop it, her heart was falling more and more and she couldn’t do anything about it. She needed to make a decision, and fast.

The 3 of them were spread out in YN’s living room, Jake’s head deep in his physics book on the floor as YN and Heeseung sat across from each other at the table. Jake groaned out in frustration, rubbing his face and closing his book and sighing. YN turned to look at him, a smile on her face as he saw him lay his body on the floor. George came over and stretched out next to him, rubbing her head on his face as he began to pet her.

“I can't study anymore, I’m done. Done for the night, nope,” Jake said. “Let’s go do something.”

“Like what?” Heeseung asked.

“I don’t know, let’s go drinking! I’m bored. KBBQ?” Jake sat up and YN’s face lit up.

“That sounds like fun, let’s go! I know a great spot,” YN said, closing her book as well.

So that was how the 3 of them found themselves at a small KBBQ place not far from their apartments. Jake was already pretty tipsy, as was YN, and Heeseung decided to not drink as much to make sure no one does anything foolish. The place was not packed with people and YN and Jake were being the loudest, playing games together and having fun. Heeseung watched with a smile on his face at how happy she looked, and he wanted her to stay like this forever. He will if she lets him. Suddenly, a lady walked up to them, a smile along her face as she greeted them.

“YN, it’s been so long, how have you been?” The lady said, giving YN a hug.

“Oh, Mrs. Yang…” YN said, calming herself down and looking down. 

“Why haven’t you visited? We’ve missed you,” the lady scolded, nudging the girl.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been very busy,” YN said, biting her lip.

“I understand, University must be tough. Are one of these your boyfriends? Hello!” The lady shook the boys’ hands.

“Oh, oh my God,” YN giggled. “This is Jake and Heeseung.”

“I hope you two are taking good care of our YNnie here,” she said. 

“Oh, Heeseung treats her well,” Jake said, smirking.

“Your boyfriend?” The lady gasped. “Ahh, he’s so handsome! Of course such a pretty girl has to be with such a handsome man.”

“He’s-” YN began to say but Heeseung just nodded.

“Of course she does, and I do my best,” Heeseung said, wrapping an arm around her.

YN looked up at him, her eyes wide but full of love. Something she didn’t even realize.

“YN is a good person, she loves hard so please take care of her heart. I have to get back, but YN please don’t be a stranger…Jungwon wouldn’t want that,” the lady reached out and held YNs face, smiling down at her before waving and walking off.

“Was Jungwon your friend?” Jake asked, taking another sip of his beer.

YN got quiet for a second and Heeseung kicked Jake’s shin from under the table, causing the boy to groan and glare at his friend.

“Jungwon and Niki were my best friends, us 3 were really inseparable. She’s Jungwon’s mother, she owns this place,” YN said, staring at the table.

“It’s okay,” Heeseung said, reaching out and taking her hand.

“We were in an accident one day, the weather was bad and we were being stupid. Jungwon and Niki didn’t make it and it was just…me,” YN said. 

The air got thick and everyone went quiet. Jake looked at YN and then to Heeseung, his eyes sad for his friend. So that was why she pushed everyone away.

“We’re here, YNnie, you’re not alone anymore,” Jake said, reaching out and patting her head.

“I know, and that’s what’s scary,” YN said. “Sorry, I ruined the mood.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Heeseung said. He wrapped his arm around her tighter, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head. He hoped she could feel his sincerity and find comfort in it.

“Thanks guys, you guys have been wonderful friends,” YN said, smiling shyly.

“Don’t worry, we’ll be your Starlight’s,” Jake said, huffing out as a matter-of-fact causing the girl to giggle.

“You already are.”

************************************

Since that night, YN has been extremely clingy to both boys. She began to let them in more little by little, but was scared they’d disappear. She wanted to hold onto them for as long as she could. They knew this and understood it was her coping through her trauma. Most days, Heeseung didn’t even leave her apartment, and she especially grew used to his presence. 

“Hey, Seung?” YN spoke out, her eyes were glued to his face, as he read next to her on his bed.

“Hm?” he turned and looked at her, looking into her eyes and seeing the cheeks flush pink.

“N-nevermind,” she said, sighing to herself and hiding her face into her pillow.

He closed his book and turned, facing his head towards her.

“Have I said how pretty you looked today?” He asked.

“Yes,” she giggled. “You always say I’m pretty.”

“I mean it. Did you know I used to always admire you at school?” He admitted, her eyes going up and looking at him.

“No…you did? Why?” she asked.

“Because I liked you…I like you, you know?” he smiled. 

“Y-you’re not just saying that?” she asked in a whisper.

“YN, I’ve been beside you for months now…letting you open up slowly and growing with me. Jake and I love our friendship, but I don’t want to be friends anymore,” he said.

“What? You’re…but you promised,” She sat up, tears welling in her eyes.

“No, sweetheart, look at me,” he sat up, tilting her chin to face him. “I want to be more than friends.”

“More than friends? Like, boyfriend and girlfriend?” she asked.

“If you’ll have me, yes. Besides, I pretty much am your boyfriend already, just without the really nice perks,” he smirked.

“You’re the one telling people we’re together at school, huh?” she gasped.

He began to laugh, as she nudged him.

“I had to let everyone know who’s mine,” he said.

“You could have just asked like a normal person,” she mumbled.

“Okay,” he said, turning his body towards her and taking her hands. “YN, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Yes, I guess so,” she said.

“You guess? Why did that hurt me?” he frowned to himself, making her giggle and nudge his arm slightly.

He looked up and smiled at her, cupping her face in his hands and looking into her eyes. She stopped, feeling his breath on her face before he leaned in and crashing his lips to hers. The kiss was soft, slow but full of emotions. One’s Heeseung had been holding in. She wrapped her arms around his neck, bringing his body closer to hers. They were getting lost in each other's touches and lips, wanting more and more. Suddenly, the door opened and in walked Jake, who gasped and quickly turned around.

“Oh my God!” He yelled, covering his eyes.

They pulled away, YN squealing and hiding herself back behind her pillow.

“Can’t you knock?” Heeseung asked, irritated.

“Can you not do this when I’m here?” Jake countered.

“Relax, we were just kissing,” Heeseung said.

“Well, it’s about time, damn,” Jake said.

“About time?” YN asked, sitting up.

“Heeseung’s been in love with you for like a year,” Jake said.

“So that’s what you meant?” YN asked.

“Dude,” Heeseung warned. “But yeah, your secret admirer. Surprise?”

“Wow, now I feel mean. I had no idea,” she said, pouting.

“No, timing is everything, love. This now, is what’s meant to be,” Heeseung said, taking her hand and squeezing it.

She looked up and smiled at him, forgetting the other boy in the room.

“Right…anyways,” Jake cleared his throat. “Look!”

Jake held up George, who had a cute melon hat around her head, and the face of annoyance. She meowed as Jake held her up, proudly showing her.

“I don’t think she likes that,” Heeseung said.

“She’s cute though, right?” Jake asked, letting her go to the bed. 

She began to roll around, trying to get the hat off her head.

“Jake,” YN giggled. “What did you do, come here Goerge.”

YN reached out, taking the hat from her head and letting her free.

“Aww, she was cute!” Jake pouted. 

“Next time, ask her if that's okay,” YN said. “I’m sure she’d decline.”

“YN, you might be able to speak to cats but I can’t, so you do it next time,” Jake said.

“Did you enjoy Jake’s antics, George?” YN asked the cat, who laid between her and Heeseung. “Nope, she said ‘ew’, the cat has spoken.”

“Please,” Jake scoffed. “Last time I bought you a cute hat.”

Jake rolled his eyes and began walking out of the room.

“Goodnight, guys, sweet dreams,” he said. “Oh, and if you’re to continue, please keep it down. George, come on George, let’s give the adults some privacy.”

He called the cat over who looked up and meowed, getting up and running after Jake who closed the door behind him. YN and Heeseung let out laughs, leaning back into the bed.

“He’s really funny,” YN said.

“Yeah, Jake is a character at times,” Heeseung said. 

“I’m glad I ran into you both that day, you brought me so much joy…and George of course,” YN said.

“And I promise we’ll continue bringing you happiness and joy,” He said. “...and love.”

“I’d like that,” she said. “Heeseung?”

“Yes, love?” He looked at her.

“They would have liked you, they would have really liked you.”

[entomolog-t]

Hi! I was the anonymous ask regarding borrower stuff being both a comfort for independence and safety. I really liked your interpretation of it! for me however, its kinda funny since I have been...fairly protected throughout my life without that much stress or obligations where it feels like, im not ready for future life and scared, so i see being a borrower as proving myself, like "hey, I can do stuff" with still of course, that comfort of a safe haven, and in a way (something i also have problems with) accepting help instead of needlessly trying to do things alone as for the "homework" side you gave, for what i like with trust buildup is that it requires both sides to get over something. I feel like a lot of the time, its shown as a struggle to just the giant, but i think it could also be one for a tiny to get over themselves, to not see everything as a threat, or in my case, accept that i need help. OH thats also why trust buildup through a forced situation is so good (like being injured or sick)

as for what im missing in life...independence? or feeling like i can be independent? idk how else to go further or relate stuff lol. sorry for the long tangent

Back in session baby.

Let me quickly go through my files...

Ah Ha- Here it is.

I would like to preface this by stating protected doesn't inherently mean without stress. Having a good support system and lots of protection can also allow for intrinsic issues to arise;

"I've been given such a good life/good opportunities so I have to do good"

or even what you just stated, "not feeling ready enough"

Both of these types of examples can lead to an internal feeling of yearning to prove oneself and a fear of failure. During childhood and adolescence its extremely important to our development of self that we prove to our brains we are reliable and competent.

Let me elaborate; our brains operate on evidence to determine reality, this is why things that go against long held beliefs can be core shattering. The more proof you provide to a certain concept, the more your brain will accept that concept subconsciously and consciously. If you have found yourself to be protected and without lots of obligations it likely suggests your brain has not garnered enough proof to support the idea that you are capable. To alleviate this feeling we should start looking for small ways we can start establishing your competency to your own brain. Perhaps if you still live with family you could ask to do tasks with them. Little things that you personally see as "adult" or responsible. Start off small so you can build a good repertoire of proof within your brain. Keep your room tidy. Its an easy way to exert control over your space and subconsciously reinforce values attributed to being capable.

Once you build a solid foundation of proof towards your own competency, you should seek to challenge yourself further and start chipping away at larger/harder types of proof you value. Keep in mind no one starts out as a master, and we all must learn by playing the fool. Failure is a beautiful part of life.

There was a really good inspirational audio clip that was making the rounds on social media a while back. It goes;

If you're lost the answer is education

If you're educated the answer is execution

If you're executing the answer is consistency

This advice can be extremely useful when trying to identify where you should orient your goals.

Now lets delve into the realm of fantasy. A borrower amongst the world of humans is very much an "othered" archetype. Someone different from the norm/everyman. Proving oneself and showing ones competency to both oneself and others is a very typical hero's journey. I'm going to assume for most fantasies you envision proving yourself to the human that you also see as your protector. There is quite an interesting duality at play there. The simultaneous need to be an individual and capable, but the yearning for safety and protection.

While narratively there is many ways to explain this relationship (friendship that complements/completes one another, acceptance of ones own limitations etc...) The initial impression of the duality sounds very reminiscent of the rebellious teenager archetype. Those in-between stages between being an adult and being within the care of adults. Here specifically it seems like there could be subconscious projection of the concept of ones parental figures onto the Giant. Larger than life, immensely capable in ways that seem beyond ones own capabilities, the desire to prove oneself, paired with the role of protector/safe haven/comfort.

How does the borrower typically prove themselves in these narratives?

What does the giant tend to think of them initially vs more progressed into the fantasy?

There are many interesting questions we can ask to explore this concept more in-depth.

I also think it is key that you mentioned having a difficulty accepting help. Within the already established context, that is indicative of a need to prove oneself. "I need to do this by myself so that everyone can see I am capable" (yet that "everyone" could very likely just be replaced by "I" ). There is nothing wrong with accepting help, but should we notice we have a noticeable aversion to it, its important to ask a series of "Whys" (this is one of my favorite exercises) and determine how to accommodate these deeper needs. Its never usually as simple as "I just don't want help."

Series of whys example;

I like plants in my house

Why?

I like that it brings energy and life into the house.

Why?

When people enter my home I want them to perceive life and caring.

Why?

I want people to see me as capable and caring

Why?

I am boisterous and goofy, so I want to make sure others see how much I care

Why?

I want to be loved.

Play this "game" until you end up with something that can't really be further broken down (usually ends up as love, power, or fear, but not exclusively). See how such a simple statement has quite a bit more subconscious meaning behind it? The line of questions act by fishing into our subconscious for an answer. These very simple concept will become surprisingly deep very fast.

I would recommend trying this activity with things related to this trope; not wanting help specifically.

Homework

What do you personally find most compelling for building trust in G/t scenarios?

I like with trust buildup is that it requires both sides to get over something. I feel like a lot of the time, its shown as a struggle to just the giant, but i think it could also be one for a tiny to get over themselves, to not see everything as a threat, or in my case, accept that i need help. OH thats also why trust buildup through a forced situation is so good (like being injured or sick)

Lets dissect this answer! What does it mean to get over something? Generally speaking it is to surpass, to overcome, to grow. Kinda ironic wording give the context but hey, what can you do. You go on to elaborate that the tiny might need to get over themselves, and not see everything as a threat. Does saying that sound like you are speaking to a mirror (given the next highlighted part, I imagine so)? Our subconscious is not always as subtle as we imagine it to be.

If so, I would highly recommend further dissecting what about the Giant you have tinys see as a threat.

Take a peak at the embedded link to see another session that examined said trope. If it feel like something is missing, you can always book another appointment.

Analyze the above answer as if you are looking for your love language, except in this exercise, we are looking to see what you look for to trust someone, why it has value to you, and why that aspect may be missing in your current life

[...] As for what im missing in life...independence? or feeling like i can be independent? idk how else to go further or relate stuff lol. sorry for the long tangent

Don't worry if this seems hard at first. This is not an easy question. I'm looking for an answer a little more specific and less abstract. There is zero pressure to be able to answer this.

For example, when you mentioned you like both sides having to get over something, lets list out some specific examples of things you like them to get over; fear of touch, fear of being hurt, fear of trusting the other and being betrayed etc...

If we have a couple examples we can then see if there are any repetitive themes. There are a multitude of interpretations for "fear of touch" like actual fear of touch, fear of connection, of intimacy, of strangers... but when we put it into the context of the other previous examples it seems to lean towards fearing connection because one has no power over what the other may do to their vulnerability.

You're answer to the first part of the question seems to indicate you like actions to demonstrate trust. The conscious act of getting over something. If this seems to ring true, you might be yearning for something similar in your own life; Inaction from yourself, or a lack of action in others?

Keep in mind these are only assumptions. If something doesn't ring true I can try asking different question until we find something that strikes a chord.

----

My secretary will have you book a follow up session at your nearest convenience ! Please keep in mind we are fairly booked and may take around a week to see you next.

[thefirstknife]

That line about Arach saying he didn't like how Mara felt entitled to the Awoken more or less sums up why I didn't like her for the longest time. I've never cared for character's that feel/act/portrayed as being entitled to the trust and loyalty of others but never share their secrets jor trust anyone else to at least "on screen"(also irl i dont lile monarchists but thats not relevant)

And it's why for me I started to like her during Season of the Lost and again during the Parasite mission. It humanized her alot for me and put her actions on a much more understandable if not agreeable level.

Her decision to let Crow be himself even if it means rejecting her as well as her realizing that if she wants us to help we also should be given some level of trust.

I'm very much a proponent of letting people make their own decisions even if you think it's not safe or smart.

Her conversation with Elsie especially showed her coming around on this.

I went from utterly despising her to now enjoying when she's own screen.

Props to the writers and double so for her VA

Same!

Mara was very different before and a lot of people, both in-game and players, had very valid reasons to dislike her. Even then, she was still a complicated person with complicated motives and backstory so it wasn't really a cut and dry situation, but I understand that she wasn't very likeable and many Awoken themselves did not want to support her.

And it was supported in the text! Jalaal made a really good point. A lot of the Awoken just wanted to live their lives, not tethered to her, which they had a right to do. And a lot of them left the Reef for that reason. I think that humbled her back then, though she wouldn't really go through all the changes immediately. But that was definitely one of the first moments that made her realise the harsh reality of the world she brought them back to.

She went through a lot since then and a lot of it forced her humble herself further. Right now, she knows that she is one part of the plan and not the whole plan. I'll always quote Ikora from the WQ Collector's Edition about this:

I believe Mara has begun to consider that she may not be the prime executor of her own endgame. She may be just one component of the bomb—a payload or a timing device. At the end of her own journey, she is necessary but not sufficient. She can no longer fight alone.

And Ikora is correct! This is especially visible in the Parasite quest where she seeks our help, desperately tries to explain herself to us and ultimately even says that if she is ever compromised, she has a plan to put herself out of the game. Because she realises that she is not necessary to finish the endgame, she is just one step on the way.

I really did not expect her to be an active character in this season so I am pleasantly surprised that she is. Her interaction with Elsie was godsent. Such a great parallel between them and long awaited content with them interacting.

[nicomrade]

Talk to me about Kaiji part 4... OR abt something youre currently reading/enjoyed recently idk how up to date I am w that 🐴💕

i almost bonked u for a fave emoji but now i see that horsie :) hehe hi horsie

kaiji part 4 is so one of my favorite death games PERIOD like outside of its kaiji context the arc does something i havent seen anything else do.. kaiji, the protag, isnt playing the game hes forced to only spectate it and comment on it. and so is the calculating antagonist! and that take on the 3rd party commentators is one of the only good examples of it ive seen (usogui is another good example) in opposition to how liar game does it (and everything else that copied it)

CAUSE ok my rules are

1. ur narration should, as much as possible, be from someone IN the gamble. what do i care what someone not in the game THINKS, MAYBE, is the gamblers' motivations? let the gamblers speak for themselves- about each other and about themselves. let THEM lie.

2. if u do have outside commentators, that commentary needs to ADD something and it CANNOT be stuff thats just thrown away later. example: in liar game the commentators will tell u "this gambler did this for that reason" and that turns out to be WRONG. so on a reread u remember thats literally not true and can easily skip the pages and not lose any information. thats very bad.

im OK w narration (from outside and inside the game) misleading you- its the bread & butter of gambling fiction. but that has to ADD something. it cannot just be clutter and lies. theres a great example of the ref lying to the audience in usogui but i cant get into it w no spoilers so trust me i do love it when the narration lies to my face sometime. cuz it adds meaning to a text!!!

AND THATS what part 4 is about. the gambler protag is forbidden from playing (at times literally tied up!!!) and its allllllllll about the biases of narration and commentary. its about kazuya literally FICTIONALIZING this. hes writing a book from this!!!! and kazuya seeing everything through his "friendship is fake" lense, kaiji seein the same thing as PROOF trust & friendship r real... the players backstories being inserted at the most impactful moment, the ways kazuya lies to the players without technically~~ lying and so on. the question at the heart of the game: is friendship more valuable than money? is not even answered properly because of kazuyas manipulation AND of kaijis interference. the commentators are pulled back into the game- they are playing, too. may they want it or not theyre part of this "experiment", of this fiction. you, sir, are a space too- we live in a society.?

and as u pointed out theres an omnipresence of water imagery in the arc and this is kazuya projecting his own subconscious into it. this is kind of like what jigsaw does in saw 1 hes recreating his trauma and putting people in that situation to see how THEY cope so he can know what hes supposed to do too. (cause emotionally he lived his diagnosis like a saw trap. so hes putting other people in this death sentence to, yes, cope.)

kazuya lived his drowning like a choice everyone on the boat made to save someone else instead of him, so hes putting other people in a situation to choose between someones life and something else to see what THEY do. and, of course, they have to reenact that betrayal he felt or his trauma isnt just "how the world is, trust and friendship are fake" but actually something that was wrong with him. the game does not exist without him reliving his childhood through it. theres no story without the spectator, the camera, the voyeur.

& kaiji is reliving his own gambles! "theres no way theyll betray each other" because if trust & friendship arent real then all of HIS betrayals were just him being a fucking idiot. what grace and virtue is there in forgiving the one who stabbed you in the back if it turns out thats just human nature to be selfish. if its not the death game making people act unlike their true selves then kaijis just some mark who got scammed over and over again lol...

like all good death games, the game stands for something. in part 1 its capitalism (and most of the time in kaiji its this, work, money, addiction, class) and in part 4 too you see this rich japanese man exploit poor immigrants for entertainment and thats what the game is, but its also (childhood) trauma. "they wont kill each other because me and the 45ers, me and the guys on the steel beams, we didnt." and "emotionally, this was like being strapped to a chair and seeing my trusted one walk to the button, and kneel, and apologize, and cry, and not release me. and watch me die."

[schumigrace]

This looks fun! Okay so unpopular opinion(s): - the cars have much more to do in the terms of who wins than they used to - the wave of new fans has as much pros at is has cons (maybe even more cons) - F1 was better back in the day (like the 90's, that was crazy) - Some "fans" started to treat F1 like reality show and they don't see the drivers as real human beings - Bringing fandom content into real life is creepy and people should stop (I'm not talking about having blogs or writing fanfiction, that is okay, it's what we all do, just about treating fan content like it's the reality and forcing drivers to see/acknowledge it - especially the shipping)

This got a bit long so gunna read more it:

- agreed to an extent, but I think since 2009 it's primarily been about the car, and I started watching in 2010 so my knowledge on prior seasons is purely from rewatching races. So I don't feel like I can comment loads on this, but I'd agree that it seems closer in years prior to 2009.

I personally don't mind too much, part of the charm of F1 to me is that the car is so vital, its one of the very few series that doesn't have equal machinery, so it lets me nerd out about car development more than anything else.

- I don't believe new fans are the problem at all. I wan't new fans, F1 needs new fans. the problem is how liberty media and FOM are handling the influx of new fans, and how disillusioned people like Domenicalli are with how we consume media nowadays. F1 started to lose fans in the early 2010s because Ecclestone refused to utilise social media, which is where the majority of people now consume media and the news, so liberty media has been vital for the exposure of the sport - but then it just stopped listening to what fans wanted. Thats the issue, not the fans themselves. I'm not about gatekeeping.

- Again, i'm not massively into commenting on the sport being better at any particular point in time, because I wasn't watching in the 90s. I agree certain aspects were better. The tyres, for a start (bring back bridgestones!) and the reduced calendar was definitely better. But I enjoy how the sport is now, for the most part. For me, 2010-2016 was when it was at its peak, but that's my opinion.

The last two points I agree on 100%. Number one rule, leave the drivers alone. I hate when people discuss personal lives, unless the driver themself has discussed something (i.e. in a book or an interview). The whole taynando situation still makes me want to throw up

[hollyhomburg]

Loved this chapter, tho mc is so much more patient than I’ll ever be. Id be quite tired of dealing w the packs anger towards me over something that I couldn’t control 😭 like at some point I’d be telling Jin and Hobi to get over themselves. Like did Hobi miss the memo that yoongi claimed her bc she would have died if he didn’t? That she begged him not to? And he says that SHE’S the one complicating things?

I love Hobi and Mc but my patience is so thin w him rn. “I should hate u” no u shouldnt and if u do, go to hell. Love him tho ❤️

(Besides I’d be spilling dirt on all of them like did u know Jimin kills people for a living. Jin is an FBI agent. Y’all were complicated and murky long before I even met yoongi u emotional asshole).

I do enjoy Hobi and Mc getting closer tho. I hope they can talk fr. I’m glad Jin was able to sort out whatever he was feeling. And Jimin and Tae took the damn cake w how sweet they were my goodness. All I can think of is Jimin anxiously smoking a cigarette while shopping for makeup for his gf while other customers and workers are looking at him like 👀

okay BUT- i was super intentional about the language i used in this chapter, i really thought that people wouldn't like...still be upset with jin?

i'm not saying you're wrong for it- and this is on par with bily because we've seen everyone in the pack make questionable calls thusfar- thats part of the fun in the story, but if i may, i'm gonna bring up a few spesific lines of the last chapter in rebuttal to this ask, just because it left me with a weird taste in my mouth.

i really hoped that people wouldn't still be angry at jin and hobi...but i guess it's out of my hands right now unless i want to edit.

but remember, we see these charecters conflicted about the very things that youre unsure about, we see hobi's internal narration go. "You claimed Yoongi’s soul and future for yourself before you even met them, even if you had too- Hoseok has a right to be angry). But he’s not. He lies his cheek next to yours on the folded blankets, close enough that he can feel the warmth of your skin, and thinks- are you the only one who I can’t offer comfort to? Isn’t that a wretched thing, that we’re in the same pack but we can’t be so close?

we see hobi here being extremely conflicted, he's not exactly musing on his issues but he's letting them go! i get that the m/c still had to like- deal with them. But i think its very clear how tired she is of it. hobi gets and and he's tired too. it's more then dealing with the bullshit of that together as a pair- the first time they've really done something together for the benefit of their relationship thus far. and we see him immediatly offer her comfort right after- trying to limit the damage of his emotions and actions on her.

and then jin! jin's is also more easy to point out we see the m/c ask "Are you still upset at me and Yoongi for the mark thing?” i was very intentional to use the word upset not angry. jin confirms that he's still upset eventually- but he's mostly upset that they had to make those choices, that the situation forced them to do something that could have easily killed them both, because he wants them both alive not because he doesn't care that the m/c almost died.

but they'res also jealousy and insecurity there- because yoongi would have rather them both almost die then reach out for jin's help. both of those feelings are dealt with through sex in part because they need to reaffirm their desire for intimacy with each other and the trust. jin knows he could push the m/c too far, and she trust him not too in the mini scene (thats not really a scene)

i think people in general with bily forget the trauma that the m/c and yoongi put the pack through. remember- yoongi left without telling them one word, came back with another person and then she proceeded to not speak to them for about a month. i don't think any party is wrong in their feelings, and i do think that the mc is frustrated with them too. she just handles her emotions diffrently, she's more prone to self doubt then anger in part because of her abuse.

when others are angry or unrightfully emotional about others- tae for instance- she has no problem speaking up. but it's different when it comes to her because shes still handling the after effects of the abuse she went through. i'd even gander that the pack is well aware of this and is taking steps to make sure she does speak up for herself, remember hobi says "would you stop with the whole 'i hate you thing'"

and emotions don't just go away once you feel them, sometimes they linger, but both jin and hobi try to make sure that the m/c doesn't feel quite so bad about it, they at least try to make sure the emotions don't hurt her.

hobi offers her comfort before anyone else will- "You’re doing a good job, with Tae. In case no one’s told you yet.”“Oh,” you say, words muffled by the blanket, burying your face in it. “Thanks.” He can feel the warmth of your cheek, and after a second you move just a little closer, just enough for your skin to brush a little, atoms to atoms and more a feeling of warmth than skin. 

jin's is here- oh so he doesn’t hate you, you didn’t realize how worried you were of that, that Jin had someone decide he didn’t want you anymore. The hardness poking at your stomach dictates the opposite of that too. Jin’s hand cups the back of your neck possessively, tilting your mouth so that he can kiss you the way that he likes. He gets you gasping when his teeth dig in a little, just a little harder. But Jin knows you like a bit of force behind it, just to make your mind quiet. (jin knows he's stressed the fuck out of the m/c, and now he's gonna make her better!

Tldr: hobi and jin are trying their hardest!

also please definitely picture minnie smoking and anxiously shopping, a cigarette between one finger and another, or one hanging from his lips while he runs his hands through his hair and looks over high heals trying to figure out the guy to girl size conversion chart and being so so so confused why skirts don't always have pockets or what the fuck a beauty blenders used for.

[ginnsbaker]

Hi the new chapter was amazing as always and i wanted to let you know my thoughts

One of the first things that stood out to me was the line “anger at yourself for feeling unable to leave Wanda behind, despite everything”. I think it sums up the entire story quite well that reader simply cannot move on and that the heart wants what the heart wants and to me it genuinely seems like readers hear still belongs completely to wanda. Especially in the part where things are getting a bit steamy with yelena and reader puts a stop to it. Reader acknowledges there is desire there but finds themselves hesitant, to me i feel like it’s because subconsciously they still love wanda.

Next readers shock that yelena allowed wanda up to the apartment made me rethink that whole thing and i had to reread it because at first i thought nothing of it but oh ho ho. Yelena was wearing just a shirt i think (i assume so cos all it says is it went past her thighs) and the shirt was one wanda bought for reader. Like i said when it happened i thought nothing of it but reader’s reaction made me think about it a bit more. And the conclusion i came to made me think yelena allowed wanda to come up to make a point, by wearing readers shirt and nothing else to stake a claim on reader in a way essentially telling wanda that shes the ex wife yelena is the new gf reader has moved on. I don’t know if that was yelenas intention but thats what i think now and it gave me a big ick.

Im a little suspicious on why vision was with wanda its kind of scaring me. I know what he said but I don’t know if I believe him. If he is telling the truth then im very glad he saved her from the two men I don’t think my heart would’ve taken it if that happened to her.I do believe her saying she wasn’t with him though more on why in a moment.

Im very happy reader did briefly consider if wanda was part of the reason vision didn’t press charges and that they actually helped wanda and didn’t just leave her in a vulnerable state i mean i know its the bare minimum but listen I don’t have much faith these days.

I am really surprised Nat is so supportive of the relationship cos i got to be honest if i was her I definitely wouldn’t be. Im not sure if she’s just trying to be supportive of her sister’s choice or if somethings going on but i really can’t believe she just supports it.

Finally i want to talk about wanda (who’s surprised) and say first i actually think shes made progress despite her relapse. Wanda genuinely has no plans to contact reader even telling them “you don’t have to talk to me or see me” and “she wouldn’t - not even for a moment - consider disturbing your peace” the only reason she does is because Sparky is not well and feels it’s something reader should know. I absolutely agree with this because its clear reader cares about sparky and he is essentially their child so has a right to know hes sick and if i was in that situation i would also want to be informed. I think this along with the line “she has learned to adapt and coexist with it” in reference to the absence of the reader in her life actually shows just how much progress she has made. And then with telling reader to leave and go back to yelena instead of looking after her and not taking her clothes off immediately out of respect for reader boundaries in case it made them uncomfortable it just shows that she has matured. She is still in love with reader and that is obvious but shes not forcing herself on them and is accepting her current situation and learning to live with it, which is something no one has yet done. I know she had a relapse (and I genuinely think that was caused by the whole yelena thing) but she still seems to have bettered herself and im happy for her. I also like the little hint she gave reader that something happened and i can’t wait for them to find out

Ive probably missed something but this is crazy long anyway 😂

- 🧃

My favorite investigative anon. I was smiling the whole time because you were noticing the little details I put in that update.

"Next readers shock that yelena allowed wanda up to the apartment made me rethink that whole thing.." - I didn't think anyone would notice that, but I'm glad you did. It was an opportunity for Yelena to let Wanda know that you're with her. I think I'd do the same thing and dangle the reality in front of a partner's ex. Especially if the said ex was sleeping with my partner just several weeks ago even after my partner previously divorced them. Nice catch.

Im a little suspicious on why vision was with wanda its kind of scaring me. - You and another reader think so. :)

Im very happy reader did briefly consider if wanda was part of the reason vision didn’t press charges - It's a small detail that's glaring when we focus on the fact that even with Vision remembering, she's not getting even as little as a demand for damages, which I think, under different circumstances, she would've gotten. I mean, Nat can only do so much to help her, and I don't want to make Nat a plot device that will just magically help R fix everything

I am really surprised Nat is so supportive of the relationship - You can be supportive on the outside, but deep inside, have an honest opinion. Nat has come to realize that she really can't stop ppl from making their own decisions (her career has taught her that), and she can just be "supportive". But it's not gonna end pretty. When you hope for the best and the worst still happens, we still react like humans no matter how much we've prepared for it.

she was still half drunk when reader took her home, so that something was definitely yelena greeting her with r's shirt that she bought for r. that's still triggering for her.

Thank you for your thoughts, they are all GOLD. really makes me want to finish everything and upload everything just so you can continue your read. Kinda hate how slow at writing I am, because it feels like I'm keeping a secret every week and im dying to let you guys know.

Thank you as always, for reading my updates. For staying with ILGOSS. :)