Honda Oddysey Scene but in Evolution
This is a snippet of my X Men Evolution Deadpool AU that's been on my mind lately. Inspired by the most talked about scene in Deadpool and Wolverine
It was hard to tell when exactly the night rolled around. It was still dawn when they arrived in San Francisco and they haven't left their beaten up meat truck since.
Wolverine was still driving without any kind of direction. His mask was on, but his frown was visible through it. Deadpool, driving shot gun, seemed to had completely dissociated himself from his surroundings. He was switching between radio stations and trying to find the right music. The mutant, unfortunately, had to suffer through each song whenever the other man changed his mind. Currently, they were listening to Cher's 'If I Could Turn Back Time'.
A few seconds passed. Another switch, they were listening to 'War' by Edwin Starr.
Another few seconds. 'Shake your Groove Thing' by Peaches and Herb.
Another few seconds. 'Sugar, Sugar' by the Archies.
Before another few seconds passed, Wolverine reached out and turned off the radio, momentarily returning his attention on the road. The lack of eye contact and how quickly it happened made it come off as passive-aggresive.
"I was listening to that." Deadpool said, in all his audacity. Logan didn't give him the luxury of response. The mercenary tried to focus on the window, but without the background noise, his need to open his mouth grew stronger.
"I was going to give you half of the cut, you know." He said after a second, looking at Wolverine, who still refused to give him time of a day. "I'd never make it not worth your time. Think whatever you want of me, I treat my business partners with respect."
"You lied to me." Logan suddenly growled. Somehow, he sounded even more angry than usual.
"Strike two, ferret man." Deadpool said, making a peace sign at him. "I said that I needed your help, and I said that the old Hydra base could be of interest to you. Not my fault they didn't have any info on your past. That didn't count as lying, I just didn't tell the whole truth."
The mutant snarled, making Deadpool jump. He saw him gripping the wheel, which he was sure would leave a few dents. Not that he planned on returning the vehicle at that point.
"What? Tell me honestly, would you help me if I came up to you and said: 'Hey, Wolvie! Some rich weirdo paid me to go and steal something from this place that looks like a horror rip-off of Area 51! Also, did I mention that this place is full of freaky water tanks? Also also, did you know that apparently, our healing factor isn't immune to drowning?'"
"Would've been nice knowin' that before you waltzed right into a trap." Logan retorted through gritted teeth.
"You've had your healing factor longer than I have." Wade said, leaning against his seat and crossing his arms. "That one's just on you."
And just like that, Wolverine's buttons were pushed. Without any warning, he made a sharp turn. Deadpool regretted not tightening his seatbelt when he had the chance as he crashed onto the door next to his seat. The truck fell off the road and down the hill. It was far from a pleasant experience, but thankfully, it survived to tell the tale. It landed on a beach right under their road. It was empty, so the mutant parked on its sand.
As soon as the vehicle stopped, he swung and punched Wade in the face. The mercenary screamed, hiding it in his hands. He was lucky that he wore his red mask because he was pretty sure Logan broke his nose.
"Dude-!" Wade shouted. Before he fully recovered, he felt a strong grip on his neck. Now that Logan wasn't focusing on the road, all of his rage was directed at him.
"You want an apology? Fine, I'm sorry!" The mercenary managed, holding onto the hand crushing his neck. "If I knew you'd be so mad, I'd ask that brute Sabertooth to come! But I didn't, because I like you more!"
Logan roared as he slammed him against the back of the seat.
"You lied to me! You wasted my time! And because of you, we're bein' hunted down like animals!" The mutant's voice was barely there with all those grunts.
"I didn't lie!-"
"Yes, you did! You used my lost memories against me! You knew how much it meant to me to regain them and you still manipulated me into doin' your dirty work! You used me as a weapon, just like everyone else!"
"... Oh, boo-freaking-hoo!" Deadpool frowned, growing more defensive. That shift caught Wolverine off guard. "Little Wolverine can't remember his first day in new school! Guess what, jerk, I don't remember much after my experimentation either! But I don't let that hold me back! Here are some hard pills to swallow: You're so desperate to know your past that you let me of all people make a monkey out of you! Me! Keep trusting the wrong guys and soon you won't even have a future to look forward to!"
After he finished, he looked back at Wolverine. He was staring at him with this empty look that freaked him out even more than the angry snarl. Suddenly, he let him go and Wade fell back on his seat. He coughed and massaged his neck.
"Look, Wolv. I'm sorry." He tried, because he couldn't handle seeing him like this anymore. "Really, I am. But take it from me, maybe it's better to just forget... No hard feelings?..."
He didn't know yet that he said too much. Wolverine was silent for a few more moments. Then, he wheezed. The mutant threw his back against the seat, and running his hand up his scalp, he succumbed to his laughter. It wasn't a pleasant sound at all. It was strained, almost hysterical, and obviously provoked more by his fury than actual amusement. Still, it was the first time Deadpool actually made him laugh.
"Oh wow!... " The mercenary said through his nervous chuckle that was muted by Wolverine. "So that's how you laugh! Just as terrifying as the rest of you!... I didn't say any joke yet, though."
"You didn't have to." Logan sighed deeply, partially regaining his posture. The next look he gave Wade was entirely venomous.
"You are the biggest joke I've ever seen! There hasn't been as much of an audacious, or insecure, or callous stain on humanity than this manchild I have the displeasure of sittin' right next to! You're good for nothin' but spreadin' mysery everywhere you go! You ain't got no morals, no friends, and you make it everyone's problem, 'cause you can't ever accept the fact that your actions have consequences!" Logan paused to catch his breath. Deadpool visibly shrinked in his own seat. Suddenly, the mutant's claws came out and he shoved them to the back of the truck, scraping its surface in a long line.
"Oh, how I wish I pushed you off that cliff first time we've met! Maybe that would've gotten the message through your dense skull, just how much I want to see you set on fire! Hate doesn't even begin to describe what I'm feelin' towards you! Ain't no wonder why that blue woman you keep yappin' about hasn't come back to you yet! You have to make up an imaginary girlfriend to protect your delicate feelin's from the fact that nobody will ever want you! How 'bout this hard pill to swallow: The doctors that tortured you didn't ruin your life! You did! You have to act like an obnoxious clown, otherwise no one would ever give you the attention you're so obviously cravin'! I can't wait for the day when you'll wake up and realise that you'll be spendin' the rest of eternity alone, and you can thank only yourself for that! But that's just wishful thinkin', 'cause you're-" His claws pulled back and he slammed his fist against the marked metal.
"-too-" Slam!
"-stupid-" Slam!
"-to think of anythin' outside of your own bubble of insanity!" SLAM! The wall bended and partially fell apart, just enough for them to see the inside of their cargo.
At long last came the silence. Logan used his hand to support himself from collapsing. He panted and bared his teeth at the mercenary who grew concerningly quiet. Not for Logan, though.
"No more jokes, bub?" He leaned closer and sneered, not being able to resist one last jab. "Come on, give me a real tear-jerker. I'm feelin' like laughin' for a change."
He looked directly into Deadpool's eyes. All he saw in them were two empty voids. The mutant settled back on his seat and tried to catch his breath. A second later and he would've regretted some of the things he said.
"... Take it back." Deadpool murmured softly. Had it not been for Wolverine's super hearing, he would've missed it.
"You don't know when to quit, do you?" The mutant snorted loudly. It was his own enjoyment of seeing the mercenary be put in his place that led him to lower his guard. Before he knew, Wade grabbed the back of his head, painfully gripping a handful of hair and hood.
"I said take it back!" He roared with the anger he never let anyone see. Without any warning, he slammed Wolverine's head against the front of the car. Then he did it again and on his third time he accidentally turned on the radio.
'Why Can't We Be Friends?' by War started playing.
Slam!
'Express Yourself' by Madonna.
Slam!
'You're the One That I Want' from the musical Grease.
"Why you little-!" Wolverine wouldn't take it any longer. He grabbed onto whatever he could and prevented Deadpool from slamming his head again. He pulled out his claws and jammed them into the other's right shoulder. Wade cried out. Using the moment of distraction, the mutant freed himself. Then, he grabbed Wade's head, pulled him close, and then slammed his head against the radio. This time it played 'Don't Go Breaking My Heart' by Elton John and Kiki Dee.
Despite being a taller man, Deadpool had to trouble slipping into a different position in his limited space. He kicked Logan onto the door, breaking the window and leaving a huge dent. The mutant growled, glaring back at him with pure fire in his eyes. Deadpool tried to throw a hit, but Logan caught his fist and then repeatedly punched him in the face. Wade dodged and a hit full of claws meant for him punctured the already beat down back of the truck.
The mercenary used this for his advantage. He managed to grab Logan by the shoulders and then threw him in order to take down the rest of the space separating them from the cargo. They both fell into the cold, smelly abyss where they could barely see each other. Not that it would stop them.
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Do you think it'd be in character for Claude to fake an alliance with Edgey in GW Pt 2 so that he could undermine her while seeking an alliance with the Kingdom behind her back? I mean, that way, he could ask Rhea directly about what Edgey told him instead of blindly believing her.
It would be more in character, but not as much as it looks at first.
Because yes, Claude is very familiar with not exactly telling the truth, and he is also familiar with working around people who inherently distrust him. And something somewhat like this kinda happens in 3H, with Erwin - Claude has Nader create a distraction for the army to pass through Gloucester territory to Myrddin so that Erwin's forces don't intercept them (he does this in all the routes in fact, save for of course CF). So it's not like he isn't capable of some form of trickery, even when it comes to people he considers allies.
What becomes an issue though is that those sort of trickery means are mostly used for last-resort, fairly specific situations - Plan A wasn't to make Erwin think his lands are being attacked, it was the only option Claude had available due to the very landscape of Leicester necessitating going through Gloucester territory, and due to Erwin's stubbornness about aligning with the Empire (whether or not those reasons were self-serving or for self-preservation). Again, with Myrddin we see that he's willing to openly help the Kingdom/Church, despite the act of doing so breaking any neutrality the Alliance could have held onto. Communication with Erwin had already failed (due to, again, his stubbornness to align with the Empire), but Claude also explicitly says that he doesn't want to engage in actual combat with House Gloucester, so lies were the only way to go forward.
With the Empire, however, there was never any worry about engaging in combat with them - they invaded his lands, and he fought back. If Edelgard had started with negotiations with Claude first, that'd be one thing - if there was an attempt at an assurance for peace from Edelgard's end to start everything off, it'd make the idea of him joining her to betray her later have some ground to stand on logically. But with him doing absolutely nothing to provoke her she attacks his lands, which has two reasons for her doing so in specifically Claude's mind: taking Garreg Mach to use as a base, and getting rid of the Alliance and Kingdom at the same time.
To the first reason: while Garreg Mach is a good base, it's arguable that having to defeat the Alliance on top of fighting the Kingdom for it makes taking the base moot to begin with. Even for the symbolic nature of it, since Rhea has already been booted out at this point. The trouble would be more than its worth, essentially. And the second reason is... fairly obvious as to why that isn't gonna work out lmao.
Then there's also also the fact that Claude was handling the Empire pretty damn well - he is a young leader and is tricksty in his antics which means skepticism from his more experienced peers, the Alliance is known for its weaker military strength, and he had to deal with Shahid looming over his head, yet Claude still manages to hold off the Empire pretty effectively. So with Edelgard invading Claude's lands off rip and his shown proficiency at fighting back against her without much non-Alliance help, there's no benefit to siding with her, even falsely - none that would outweigh the benefits of siding with a party that has given him no misgivings, in any case. She's not a force that is too big to take on from the outside and so needs to be taken out from the inside, so going through the effort of getting inside is meaningless.
So, would falsely siding with Edelgard while secretly siding with the Kingdom be more in character? It certainly can be, if one plays the cards right. But given how Claude's handling of the Empire and Edelgard's actions against the Alliance are written, it'd be far more in character for him to just side with the Kingdom outright at that point
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