#HE'S BEEN UPLOADING A LOT OF ART ON TWITTER LATELY

[mygayrats]

[fvllingcamellia]

𝐈𝐌 𝐇𝐄𝐑 𝐅𝐀𝐍𝐓𝐀𝐒𝐘

seeing your roommate's instagram posts can't lead to anything.. right?

suguru geto smut, masturbation, substance abuse mention, reader on rehab, reader has a rly bad mental health, at first it's some kind of philosophical shit and then i just went wild so enjoy! btw!! my inspiration was yunonoai's art on twitter, so i'll leave the link here.

you've been feeling terrible lately. you missed the feeling of your brain being stimulated by dopamine. the feeling of happiness was so distant and so unknown lately which caused you to question your entire existence. what's the point of it? you had a good job, nice salary, pretty apartment that you shared with another roommate. but does any of it have any sense? for the world, it doesn't mean anything. you're no one. nobody would remember you if you suddenly disappeared one day. those thoughts were corrupting your mind every single day since you were on rehab. it was supposed to be helpful but it was worse. but you promised, right? you promised to change – for him. suguru geto was the man who almost begged you for this. you didnt know each other for long, but when he moved into your apartment you both understood ourselves well. he wasn't a close friend of yours, just a regular roommate but he helped you to get out of drug addiction. and even if you were feeling shitty, you were extremely grateful for this.

the amount of stress you were experiencing lately was insane. during the rehab you became really sensitive and the slightest words could made you furious or sad. you've been experiencing a lot of mood swings that were exhausting in some way. the frustrations were so unbearable that you found yourself on your bed wondering how could you let all of those thoughts and feelings get away from you. you've been scrolling down on instagram checking those stupid posts and photos of your so called "friends" that doesn't even bother to text or call you to check if you're still alive. but as you've scrolled down the page you stopped. one post where geto was tagged caught your eye. this picture made you think that your roommate was actually incredibly attractive. you've never been interested in him in any romantic way. he was just a guy, a roommate to you. but as you were admiring the photo.. the more excited you felt. you didnt even realized that your hand was slowly sliding down on your abdomen. instead of looking at only one photo you started checking his entire social media activity to find more posts. and he looked so good in every photo he uploaded. you put down the phone. it was enough for you.

your fingers were moving dangerously down to your panties. at first you were hesitant about this. fuck what kind of a person masturbates to their roommate's photos. but you didn't care. it was something you NEEDED to feel right now. you slowly moved the material away and brushed your finger over your clit. you squeaked. you haven't touched yourself or had any sexual intercourse in a long time so you needed to explore your body again. you brushed your finger again, but this time over your inner lips, and oh my god since when you were so wet? you were desperate now. this feeling made you slid down your pants along with your underwear completely exposing your lower parts. suguru wasn't at home yet, he went out for some groceries about 20 minutes ago so you could be as loud as you wanted to be. you took a deep breath before touching your folds again. you started from rubbing your clitoris. your head was turned towards the phone on which still appeared suguru's photo. you looked at him imagining it was him who was pleasuring you right now. you imagined his fingers working on your pussy, abusing your sensitive clit.

gaps were leaving your mouth and free hand moved up to your chest you slid it under your bra and while stimulating your pussy you also took great care of your boobs. squeezing them, massaging, pinching your nipples doing almost everything to them. slowly you moved your fingers down, to your hole. you bit down your lower lip and you inserted one finger, pushing it slowly further. but it wasn't enough. you wanted to feel more inside, so you added another one. stretching yourself while moaning and whinning geto's name seemed like something unreal. but it was real experience, fingering yourself while fantasising about him.

– just got home satoru, cooking for y/n tonight. – suguru answered as he was opening the door to the apartment. he was on line with gojo who was complaining about his life for 45 minutes straight. – ill talk to you later.

– you fucked her finally? – the white haired man asked with a curiosity. he always had some weird speculations in his head and one of them was the theory that geto was banging his as satoru said "sweet roommate"

– dude don't be ridiculous. im hanging up. – suguru frowned and ended the call. he closed the door and started walking towards the kitchen. he placed the groceries on the counter and wanted to get changed to he went into the direction of his bedroom but he stopped midway. he couldn't believe his ears and the sounds he was hearing. whines and other octaves of moans coming from your room. most of them were his name in many varieties or words like "fuck," "i want more," "faster."

geto was completely confused. he was standing next to your door wondering who was more perverted – suguru listening to your sweet moment, or you who was pleasuring yourself while screaming his name without shame. but he decided to not make any moves and he simply went to his own bedroom as he had originally planned. but he couldn't stop thinking about you. listening to you made him hard, and geto could only imagine how you look right now and what you're doing to yourself. he had many visions of you right now. how would you look under him when he would fuck your brain out? how would you taste if he had a chance to eat you out someday? how would you look with your lips around his cock? all those thoughts lead him to the one most important question – maybe he should finally fuck you just like satoru theorised?

[hypersomniagame]

HYPERSOMNIA JUNE DEV LOG : “FASHIONABLY LATE”

Hi! I already wrote this entire dev log but I closed the tab by accident, so it's now 10:55pm and I'm going to try and speedrun writing something that took me an hour to write.

For all of you who follow HYPERSOMNIA, you should already know what the gist is here I've been saying this for 6 months.

if you don't know what this is or are confused on what HYPERSOMNIA is read the other dev logs i've said this like every time lol

So, just as a heads up this log isn't going to be super long with new content because I have been insanely busy these last few months! I just graduated High School and the last few months have been me cramming to make sure I pass and could graduate and now I am!!! Yay!!!

I won 2 awards at my grad (One of them being excellence in arts :D) and the other I was given a check for 200$ so I snagged one of these!

Super happy I finally got a display tablet for drawing, I've wanted one of these since I was like 14 and it feels awesome to have one now. I got this thing super cheap too, this thing usually goes for like 300-350 Canadian and I got it for 130! Super super happy about this.

That's all from me personally, but I would like to say just as 1 last thing before the updates, Happy Pride Month to all who identify as LGBTQ+, I myself am queer and just want to remind all of you that you are loved and accepted. Hopefully I can get this out before midnight so it's still pride month LOL

OK! NOW FOR UPDATES! I don't have too much to share today but I do have somethings I want to show off.

First things first, I've been respriting some characters! Ross and Jack are the biggest edits I've made so far so I'd like to show them off.

(Left is old, and right is new!)

Ross' walking sprites were updated! I was kind of dissatisfied with how Ross looks like he's struttin' everywhere so I redid it to give him a more casual walk. I'm very happy with this change and I plan for it to be the base walking animation going forward. I also updated his side profiles slightly to look closer to the key art I illustrated.

Jack also had his idles redone! He I think was the biggest thing I needed to resprite, his old sprite is kind of cluttered and poorly detailed so for his new one I simplified a lot of the shading and reshaped his hair and mask. I think it came out really well.

Also, just earlier I was working on music for the game.

I'm really happy with how this came out, I just got high and made Half-Life music (Which is what I was aiming for LOL)

Hopefully I can get to a point where I can finish off the soundtrack for the demo and post it all. Some friends of mine were a bit sad I delisted the tracks I had up initially so I hope to get those up again soon.

I've also been storyboarding out some early game cutscenes, I can't show a lot because it's all a bit spoiler-y but I will put this in the log.

And one last thing too, THE MOTHER DIRECT!

on July 27 at 6PM ET, MOTHER FOREVER will be hosting the MOTHER Direct, which HYPERSOMNIA is a part of!

There'll be a ton of indie games, fan projects, and other things relating to or inspired by the MOTHER series! Please give it a watch if you can. If you can't make it, the event will remain on MOTHER FOREVER's YouTube channel, and I'll be uploading HYPERSOMNIA's trailer on YouTube, Twitter, Steam, and here. If you do catch the stream or end up watching it after, leave a comment! Tell 'em Ferris sent ya. Do it, or I'll cry. I'm expecting at least 1 "Ferris sent me!" or I'll cry. I swear, I will do it!

If this is your first log you're reading, or even your first time seeing ANYTHING relating to HYPERSOMNIA, I got a whole bunch of links for you to check out if you wanna know more about me and my stupid little game.

TWITTER

YOUTUBE

STEAM

UNIQUE INDIE RPG'S [SHOW US YOUR GAME!]

[PREV] [ABOUT HYPERSOMNIA] [NEXT]

[calwasfound]

h e y, so i've been watching a lot of mcc clips lately and have been really enjoying all the illumina ones. are there any videos/streams of his that you'd recommend?

OOH! yes!! time to take up the mantle!

first of all, i'd like to direct you to @oceantail-oceantail's fruitninja guide (and honestly the rest of celia's blog) because she'll always be the master of compiling illumina & fruitninja moments! her clips tag also has a lot of fun moments from streams.

BUT, if you want my personal recommendations...

so, for starters, getting into illumina's content. namely, he's got a youtube channel (illuminaHD), which mostly features stream highlights (speedrunning), mcc highlights, and other miscellaneous minecraft gamplay. (oh, and a few world records!) he has a vods channel too, but it's run by his mods.

oh yeah, his twitch: illumina1337. could trick the fae multiple times over with the number of names we have to tag him by

here's my personal favorite youtube videos of his - or videos that feature him:

this is my Dream SMP application [Stream Highlights] / Probably my most watched highlights video of his, though they're all hilarious. General speedrunning fails and clutches, crafting shenanigans, funny commentary. All his highlight videos give a good sense as to what his streams are like!

the minecraft bingo/lockout series with SmallAnt - I challenged Minecraft's Best Speedrunner to a test of skill and Minecraft Lockouts Are Surprisingly Brutal.. / GREAT series. had me on the edge of my seat. the first video was uploaded to ant's channel, the second on illumina's, but illumina has the vods for both streams saved on a separate channel. i won't get into the twists, but... it was a ride.

Minecraft: fruitberries VS Illumina / Minecraft manhunts... everybody's heard of them. Well, this one was done with fruitninja over two years ago (wow!) Imagine being hunted across multiple dimensions but your assassin is really, really chill. Oh, and also with the expected cracked gameplay from a manhunt as well.

and as for my favorite streams...

Speedrun Showdown w/ Fruitberries VS Dani & Fireworkss (then 1.16 RSG) / So, speedrun showdown! This was the first time the tournament was hosted, which was almost two years ago. Currently, season two (?) of speedrun showdown is taking place, with the finals happening tomorrow! Charity event, super cool, two duos race to the end to kill the dragon. (Both Fruit and Illumina are participating in the 2022 run, but on opposite teams. Fruitninja aren't allowed to team very often. If you watch this vod, you'll find out why.)

Minecraft Championship 13! w/ Punz, Krinios, & Eret! / Classic. All-time favorite. There would be something wrong if this video didn't show up on my list. Illumina's first MCC win! Team vibes were great, they absolutely dominated (with one of the most nerve-wracking dodgebolts I've ever watched. Live!)

MC Championship 17 w/ fruitberries, Vixella, & Zeuz / Another staple. I think we crashed twitter when the fruitninja MCC team was finally announced. The "Unpopular opinion, but I don't think the Simmers are going to win MCC. They've been paired with Fruitninja, which is going to be difficult no matter how good they're going to be (/c)" copypasta was going around a lot. Another team with great vibes and another very close dodgebolt!

1 on Mouse, 1 on Keyboard w/ Illumina / Warning, I think you're going to notice fruitninja being a consistent trend with my recommendations! (This is all part of the fruitninja conspiracy, in which I try to get everyone to watch their content with my art. So far, my success rate is pretty high!) Fruit & Illumina are roommates and they did a stream where one person controlled the movement via mouse and the other person controlled the movement via keyboard. (Un)surprisingly, they actually did extremely well! Great fun, one of my favorites, bonus IRL content.

Diversity 3 Playthrough! / Illumina plays through a minecraft adventure map for almost ten hours straight. He parkours, he kills mobs, he participates in a space mystery adventure. It's all here. He even speedruns (kind of.)

Okay, onto miscellaneous! As I've mentioned before, celia has a youtube channel with fruitninja & illumina clips. Also, this video from Illumina's MCC 28 parkour warrior run made me laugh. And also this video on Fruitninja interacting in MCC 24. Uh, what else.. Illumina's latest MCC highlights video was really good (though I really also liked the full stream, which is up on his twitch but not his vods channel. Watch it while it's up, I guess!) And also the fruitninja Tubnet Craftmaster Showdown vod had its great moments (also on twitch. Fruit's POV of this event is also really funny, too.)

And a small self-plug - I post a bunch of fruitninja stuff on my sideblog @calwasntfound. Mainly WIPs, though all my finished art is up here! There should be enough to provide a fun scroll. And check out the other artists in the illumina tag, they're all incredible!

[trickstarbrave]

heyyyy im making a pinned post as that is a feature and seems good to keep info all in one place esp for ppl on mobile

❤️im brave!! or rua works if u want to but brave is by far the most popular name i go by. he/him pronouns

❤️art commissions/art trades are NOT on the table rn sadly. i used to offer commissions and did art trades with friends but for the most part im really busy with work/health conditions. if i have a bit of free time i may change this or make a few exceptions on a case by case basis depending on my schedule. for the most part tho i just want my art to be a stress relief activity

❤️art requests i do take from time to time now, but there is no guaranty i will take it. please do not spam requests hoping i’ll do it and please do not get mad if i don’t do it. they’re requests for a reason. if i am particularly inspired i’ll be happy to get around to it if life lets me

❤️technically multifandom blog i would say, mostly i have been focused on the elder scrolls series lately. you will probably see me rb stuff from like, a bunch of series. if this changes i’ll prob edit this post LMAO (i do not control the special interest)

❤️not just an art blog but also personal. my art can be found in my #my art tag. wips can sometimes be found scattered on my twitter if they arent on here. and writing that i publish can be found on my ao3 (though i have like a million wips that dont get published and be warned much of my ao3 is rated E and not for everyone)

❤️ been doing a lot of oc posting so i can do a run down of them currently for anyone that wants to follow along/know the lore:

/// OCS ///

(under cut)

🌟 Eyja: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. past life incarnation was konahrik, alduin’s head priest, murdered by miraak. uses a bow and magic primarily. story can be found here

🌟 Senna: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. proud two handed weapon user and leader of the companions. fought and lost to the world eater who took her back to his den and make her his partner. proof prophecy can be a complicated thing. story can be found here.

🌟 Baldur: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, he/him. grew up on the streets stealing to survive, and certified trans of gender. fought and lost to the world eater who decided to force baldur to be his champion. helps him take over skyrim. story not yet published but will prob contain a lot of mentions of transphobia as a cw :(

🌟 Ansa: skyrim oc, nord dragonborn, she/her. orphaned at a young age, and just a weird, feral child. learned to steal, and ended up joining the thieves guild. killed mercer and turned the guild over to karliah and is helping rebuild it when she finds a weird rock that turns out to be a dragon egg. story not yet published

🌟 Ahkrinaak: general elder scrolls oc, he/him/any pronouns. he is based off me as a sort of self insert/persona character purely for comedy, not a serious au. dragon/god who was corrupted in the war with lorkhan/shor and became more so an agent of lorkhan. he spends most of his time pretending to be a mortal and causing problems. he’s just sillay. looks like a falmer/snow elf and nord hybrid making pretty much everyone just in general uncomfortable. dragons dont have gender he just likes tits. divorced with alduin

🌟 Lyre: not a skyrim oc (yet) but my beloved dnd character i have made a million aus for, including one that has turned into a full on novel lmao. will update everyone when i start uploading the novel (its not gonna be too serious just a fun lil webnovel that is pg rate) and you can see me post illustrations for. depending on the AU uses either he/him or she/her. i just think theyre neat

🌟 Anthial: nerevarine bosmer, tired, angry, nb spellsword. he/them pronouns. just wants to cover their entire body until you cant tell what gender they are. vivec never got them the drink he owed them. was convinced as nerevar that voryn never liked them back all that much. had an open marriage with almalexia. this incarnation was emotionless and lacked a moral compass due to the betrayal in their past life.

🌟 Steren: nerevarine, technically. not actually the reincarnation of nerevar, but the reincarnation of nerevar’s son. nerevar never reincarnated bc he was too busy haunting his descendants, too upset to move on. steren has a couple of aus but mostly its him with vivienne the dragonborn who belongs to @mulberrycafe. calls voryn “ata” and nerevar “dad” because he technically grew up in cyrodiil but remembers his first lifetime in bits and pieces where voryn raised him for the first few years.

feel free to send asks abt my ocs i love answering them

[kasarawolf]

FANFICTION FACTS PART ONE. LOTS OF HECKIN READING AHEAD IF YOU ARE INTERESTED IN THIS SORT OF THING.

And unlike Twitter, I can write more stuff on here! :D And add more updated info, since most of this I posted in late April.

1. Current chapter count is 80 titles. It was originally 60! But some of the chapters, I had to split into separate parts either to keep the emotions high or to leave cliffhangers. 

(I was originally shooting to hopefully start uploading Arc 1 later this year and all arcs at least scripted out, but with events that have happened at home, I am not sure if that will still be happening. My writing production has slowed down biiiiggg time. The drive is still there, but I am exhausted. (originally I was writing 50 pages + a week. but since I started my job again and the family matters, It’s dropped to maybe 5 at most. Not good at all.)

2. There are a total of 5 Arcs. The Arc Names are as follows and may have been too spoilery, so I removed parts or their whole names entirely BD

Time Breakers Arc --- Burnout Arc --- Lovestruck Arc --- ??? ---- ???

I have played around with the idea of other Dragon Ball stories or maybe even future arcs, (Future arc’s I have written down some ideas!) but that will all depend on if I can live writing these five lol.

3. Characters sexual orientations are not specified in the story. The only time so far in the story is when some male side characters are talking about a pretty new Patroller, but “she’s into chicks so out of their league” but Tufu being a dumb, still tries for that anyway and says to her, “he also loves women.”  And when Kota is asked what kind of girl he likes in an interview, he responds “Why does it matter what sex they are? As long as they got a good heart-besides I am not really looking to date.“ I do have head canons for the characters, (some canon characters) but they mostly just stay in my head and most likely will not appear in the story lol.

4. Some chapters are very long. The pivotal, important chapters run at around 30 pages plus, but I have been chopping them down. The lowest page count currently is at 19.

5. This story has a PG-13 to PG-18 rating. Not all chapters are rated this and most are in the 13 range. I have tried toning down the chapters that are PG-18, (I even wrote alternate PG13 versions of the 18s) but comparing them to the 18 rated ones, it did not have the same omph factor and the characters lost their bite. Too tame. Kota’s mouth is a pain in the ---

6. For those who are not a fan of reading, I will be adapting it into comic form later on.

7. THIS STORY HAS the male lead is in a relationship with another man. So if that makes you uncomfy, this is not the story for you. (and heck, my art in general is probably not for you lol) Because somehooww, I still manage to get followers who think Kota and Fu are just bro’s and get so shooken when they see em all lovey dovey XD Like yeah, they bro’s, but they bro’s that smooch haha.

8. Kota’s character was created back in 2009. He may be older, but that’s when I started uploading his first art works to the internet. He was always written as Trunks son, and Kota had a different storyline than his current, but for a brief moment, I had a thought that he may have been Future Gohan’s kid that Trunks was raised with instead. That got thrown out really quick! Character design still looks relatively the same, mostly because I am sucker for the first designs for my older oc’s and don’t like doing drastic changes to them.

[alchemil-studio]

Devlog #3 - June 2023

Hello~!

June has ended and with it we have some more updates regarding the progress of Norvale!

As we mentioned in the previous devlog, we’ve finished the initial story draft for the Craft Store route. In this route, Morgan decides to visit the local craft store in search of something that they can pick up as a new hobby. But once they arrive, they find two men arguing in the middle of the street…

NEW CHARACTERS

The designs for the two men, Frank and Kushal, have been completed and we’ve uploaded their character introductions yesterday.

Frank is the father of Louis, one of Morgan’s childhood friends, and the owner of the local toy store that sits across the street from the craft store. He’s someone that comes across rough at first but once you get to know him, he’s a pretty friendly guy. Despite being on good terms with Kushal’s wife Lathika & his daughter Sara, he never seems to get along with Kushal himself and is prone to starting arguments with him over pointless things…

Compared to the initial sketches, his face became a bit more oval compared to the rounder face of the pencil sketches. While making rough designs for his clothes, they were simple like a plain t-shirt and sandals or a sloppily tucked in shirt to go with his rough but friendly personality. But we decided to make him dress a bit neater and added a jacket to his outfit as well to fit the late spring season the story takes place in.

“He decided to head outside for a bit and threw on a jacket, just in case it gets chilly.” is the basic idea behind his final outfit.

Kushal’s design was pretty straightforward. Although looking back, he might’ve lost a bit of the aloofness of the pencil sketch since his features turned softer in the final design.

Kushal is the father of Sara, another one of Morgan’s childhood friends, and the owner of the local craft store. A man of few words and even fewer expressions, his stoicism and blunt words sometimes tend to rub people the wrong way. While he usually prefers to stay out of trouble, he’s always ready to throw words with Frank.

I drew the first outfit, the red Kurta with black pants to draw out a more traditional Indian feel, while designs 2 through 4 were mostly inspired by things dads usually wear haha

We ended up going with the outfit in design 2 since we felt it was a good casual but still somewhat formal outfit someone like Kushal would wear, while keeping the skin color of the first design.

The blue looks a little striking at first glance but I think the white accents bring some balance.

There’s still a little bit more sprite related work to go before I finish the character art for this route. After that, the plan is to move onto character designs for the third route and once those are done, the focus will be shifted to drawing backgrounds. There’s still a lot of artwork to go but I’ll do my best! (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

DEVELOPMENT

Not much to update for the development side, aside from how we’ve started working on applying the new GUI to ren’py and experimenting on some GUI features we’ve thought about before and while conceptualizing the newer GUI. We’ll continue to finish implementing the GUI to the ren’py script before fixing some kinks/feature fixes then the story script itself unto the game. 

tl;dr: we’ve made quite a lot of progress for the 2nd part of the story in terms of assets. We’ll slowly but surely continue to develop and flesh out the full version of the game, so please continue to support us!

In summary, we’re making progress! Although small, we are making progress and a positive one at that! Please look forward to the full release of Norvale!

---

Links

Carrd: Alchemilla Studios

Twitter: @Alchemil_Studio

Instagram: @Alchemil_Studio

Itch.io: Alchemilla Studios

[sakurai-keiwa]

hiya, i'm nox! i'm still sort of using twitter but only when it lets me, otherwise i am here lmao, anyways !

28, they/he

i've been into toku (mainly kamen rider & sentai) a lot lately, so i'll mainly be posting rbing that kinda stuff

ghost and zyuohger are my besties

i love sad pathetic guys who get into Situations(tm)

i'm a wolf guy and a storm guy

i draw sometimes ! i'll try and upload/re-upload some of my stuff here again, i think i had it under a #my-art tag if you wanna check out some of my stuff?

i love twewy and kh :) bring up either around me and the brainworms will start vibrating

i have trouble speaking my thoughts into words and i end up putting a lot of them into tags, but i try to have fun :')

i do tag stuff! so if you don't want to see smth from certain media yada yada the blacklist thing is your friend

oh i also really like bugs but i tag them too if they make anyone uneasy

[bjornsonbrightman]

A (not-so-brief) list and analysis of the things that were changed in the set design of Phantom London, part 1

[*includes things that were changed in between the release of the infamous Planning Document™ and opening night!*]

WARNING: long, image-heavy post

The past week has undoubtedly been very confusing and anxiety-inducing for a lot of phans, I myself included, who were (and are) still horrified of what C*mM*ck has done to Phantom London.

So naturally, as someone who lives somewhere that couldn't be farther from the UK, I decided to compile a list of all the things that I've learned — through hours of shamelessly scrolling through Instagram, Twitter and Facebook tags — about the planning, creation and production of the new set design.

Hang on tight, it's a bumpy ride.

1. The proscenium

The most obvious thing that is now different from the OG. Let's take a look at the concept art shown in the original planning document:

Ahh, I remember the release of this picture and the Tumblr/Twitter/FB explosion that ensued like it was yesterday. Good times.

The new set design by Matt Kinley is mainly derived from what he did for the UK tour, which introduced the cracked, sculpture-less proscenium and the separate proscenium frame/boxes that appear only during the opera scenes. Unlike the greatly simplified UK tour design, however, this design for London appears to have the original lyres and garlands at the top, as well as some structural elements of the OG proscenium (see the outward curved trimmings on the top sides). The surrounding areas of the auditorium are also shown to be restored to their original colours, the most interesting of which is a new false wall in the area behind the top part of the proscenium. These areas were previously blacked out with black paint and black masking.

Despite hewing closer to the OG than the UK tour did, this was still a sacrilegious bastardization far cry from Maria Björnson's design, and I guess the creatives were aware of it too, as they seemed to try to soften the blow by:

using actual pieces of the original proscenium that weren't a part of the OG plan such as this satyr-riding angel...

including an "homage" to Maria (according to ALW) in the form of a new sculptural bust that fills up the Golden Angel's spot (picture from @mariussansmerci) ...

The design of the false wall behind the lyres on top was also changed to... something that I guess gives off the impression of a false dome?? Not too sure about this one but I kinda like it ngl:

Something that the planning document mentions is that the removal of the side sculptures and the installation of a "cracked" proscenium allows for sound equipment to be installed behind the sides of the proscenium, which frees up the two side boxes to be "used as originally intended". And that's exactly what happened. Surprise, C*mM*ck now has 4 extra seats that he can sell overpriced.

And here's the finished result (photos from here):

With the safety curtain that was brought over from the UK tour and without the inner proscenium/boxes:

To be honest? I kinda like the final result. Those (possibly face-saving) changes really saved the design from looking like a bad copy of the original proscenium; now it just looks like a mediocre copy. But don't worry, whenever I get too comfortable with this new design I just pull out pictures of Maria's OG proscenium and my fiery anger for the new one is reignited.

And that's all I have on the proscenium!

Next up we have something that I believe had the most confusing and troubled development out of all the new set pieces:

2. The Chandelier

Man, this poor thing has been through a lot.

When it was originally designed for the UK tour, the chandelier was intended to utilize much of the same technology that the r*staged tour chandelier used, namely the drapes that are "magically" sucked into the chandelier itself and the straight-dropping mechanism. Hence, the new chandelier was made to be circular and non-collapsible, featuring a decorative spike on the bottom. According to pictures of the model and the concept art shown in the planning document, I suspect the drapes were to be sucked in through the decorative lyres (see the circular openings):

But this mechanism was precisely the reason for the downfall of this design. Come opening night of the UK tour, and this chandelier was nowhere to be seen. My suspicion of what went wrong? Either the drapes were snagging on the lyres (kind of like what happened to the short-lived garlands on R*staged Tour Chandelier), or the retractable frame that held up the drapes wasn't working properly.

But whatever the reason for the failure of this mashup chandelier, the designers must've realized and abandoned ship pretty late, because pictures from one of the prop makers showed that it was still being made with frames that were very much non-collapsible as late as February this year:

Once they realized it wasn't going to work, I believe a series of last-minute actions were made. My theory: they brought back the OG chandelier in all its missing-bulbs glory less than a week away from opening...

... and stripped it of its lyres, which were transplanted onto the new chandelier, as is evident from the final product (photo from @soulsoaringphan):

This hypothesis is bolstered by the fact that the new lyres were originally going to have holes in them for drape-sucking (ew), and so once the decision was made to have the chandelier work more like the OG, the logical step would have been to just borrow the lyres from the old one instead of making new ones in less than a week or two from opening.

Also note the gaps in the beading that would've had the rigid golden frame trimmings seen in the model and the in-progress photos above; the designers must have removed them hastily to allow the chandelier to collapse, but unfortunately they just... left it empty. Oh, and the absence of the spike on the bottom, which is now just a huge gaping hole (again, ew). There's also an additional tier on top that wasn't present in the OG, model or any of the concept art.

I'm actually quite relieved that the new chandelier is pretty similar to the OG and the Palais Garnier one, but if I have to nitpick: I miss the horizontal decorative beading, the ones that were on the top tier and in between the lyres in the old chandelier. Maybe it's just me, but the chandelier looks... incomplete without them.

And that's all I have on the chandelier!

3. The Orchestra Pit — wait, I can't upload any more pictures??

Welp, guess I'll have to make a part 2 then. Thanks for reading this long, long rant post, I hope it was at the very least entertaining and slightly informative!

And lemme know if I forgot to credit anyone whose pictures I used!

[ellewords]

(not me reading this back and thinking you could make a drinking game out of this ask because of how many times i say “because” lmaooooo)

i’ve never actually seen wgm but i really love the idea of hinata being on the show, because i feel like he would be so starry-eyed the entire time. literal ✨👄✨ at everything because he’s never thought about what being married would be like and now suddenly he gets to experience it??!!?! he fumbles through all of it, and the fans love him for it because a lot of the other participants seem so smooth and suave, but not with hinata! he blurts his thoughts out as they come, he’s clumsy in situations that would normally require him to be put-together, he makes a huge deal out of every little thing. the first time his partner brought him a bouquet of flowers, hinata literally turns bright red and starts rambling so fast the audio just barely picks it up—

“you didn’t have to but that was really nice of you, i’ll get you something next time, hey, the flowers smell sweet, oh no, that’s actually you, you smell so nice, have you always smelt that way, you should definitely tell me what body spray you use because i might just have to get some of that—“

and the fans eat it up. and so does their partner who absolutely adores him even if hinata doesn’t quite get/see it.

i feel like it would also be hilarious if the partner was someone who isn’t necessarily the biggest (by choice, they don’t want to be in the spotlight all that much) but because of a really big project they have out soon, their team thinks they should get some of that pr. maybe a painter or a sculpture? one that has gotten a lot of attention as of late because their art is a little controversial/suggestive but has somehow managed to keep most of the media on the actual art and not on themself. they come off as really shy and recluse, but the second they get on the show, hinata brings them out of their shell, and that makes the fans like them even more. they love getting to see the artist behind everything and they especially love seeing how their artist brain translates into the real world. and just the idea of hinata being the kind of person who would be able to make even the most introverted person go a little crazy is something i think would be hilarious on reality tv.

anyway, hinata gets a lot smoother as they continue on, and it absolutely floors the fans because he’s so different from when he started. he holds his partner’s hand like it’s nothing, he says super sweet things without missing a beat, he holds eye contact without looking like he’s trying to win some unproclaimed competition. but he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, and the partner is too nervous that he’ll get weird about it to say anything.

by the end of their time on the show, fans can see how deflated the partner is even though they’re really good at hiding it still, and hinata is off too, but he can’t tell why. he is still chipper and all over the place, and the partner is still more open and engaging, but their energy is off. hinata chalks it up to them going to miss the time they shared together, but even that doesn’t feel quite right.

after they leave the show, hinata is super excited to see that the partner has started doing more community stuff (charities where they show up in person, giving art classes to people that donate certain amounts to organizations and projects that they support, going out in public and doing sketches/paintings of people on the street for reference later and recording tiny interviews with them as they do it to make a new documentary of the process or something). he gushes about it all over his social medias and anywhere else he can get someone to listen because they don’t have the time to actually ever meet up with the way their schedules are. he even starts posting behind-the-scenes clips that he had taken (with the permission of the partner) to engage with both parts of their fan bases.

and the partner does the same for hinata. they do a bunch of pieces of the jackals and sells them to get both of their communities involved and supporting them even if they can’t go to the actual games. their instagram is flooded with designs of new projects for them and even more of them of just hinata, all of which have captions that target just hinata (“wow, my ex-husband is so fine 🥵” “that’s your man? mhm! look at him! yeah, that’s mine” and other stupid, cheesy ones that make the fans feral because damn, they really have come out of their shell, huh?!)

the internet loves it, and they love even more that hinata seems to become the person at the beginning of the show all over again, flustered and a mess and tripping over his feet. a new hashtag starts because of it about the two of them being in love still (as a joke) and people upload some of their favorite moments of the pair together. when hinata sees it, he tries to play it off (horribly) but when he finally gets to talk to their partner about it, there’s a calmness in their voice that eases him just a little bit, and suddenly he’s aware of why exactly leaving felt so wrong.

this got a little sidetracked, but i don’t even mind, lololol. also, i definitely need to check out the show after this because i love the fake dating/marriage idea. thanks for putting me on to it! make sure to drink water, have a snack if you haven’t eaten in a bit, and take deep breaths! -🌙

— from elle ! okay but hinata and a painter/artist!partner is literally such an amazing idea to dive into, this now lives in my head and i will continue thinking about it for days on end. i absolutely love everything that you’ve sent aaa i’m actually screaming, i had a difficult time picking which part of your hc to focus on bec so many things popped into my head. but i ended up choosing to kind of pick up where you left off for my little addition (under the cut as usual) tysm for this 🌙 anon ! take care <3

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

hinata’s blush grows redder every second he spent staring at his phone, his twitter mentions filled with photos, edits, and even fanmade animations of the two of you. your shipname was trending again, all after you posted a rare photo of yourself in msby merch. you looked cute, that much was evident to hinata. then again, he always thought of you as cute — from the second you walked into set, all shy and nervous, from the minute you left it, your arms wrapped wrapped around his neck. why was he acting like this? filming had ended months ago; he’d grown more confident around you, hadn’t he?

your name flashed across his phone screen, interrupting his train of thought — you were calling him. his heart beat sped up, fingertips immediately moving towards the ‘answer’ button.

“hey shoyo!” you greeted, enthusiasm very much evident in your voice, “did you see the picture i just posted?”

“i did! um...you look great.” he mumbled, unsure if you had heard him, heat continuing to rush towards the apples of his cheeks.

“thanks!” he hears your chuckling from the other end of the line, and a small part of his mind convinces himself that you were somehow teasing him. “you’re coming tomorrow, right?”

“what’s tomorrow?”

“my photo exhibit, silly.”

ah, that. hinata could imagine you shaking your head, biting your lip as you attempt not to burst out into laughter at his cluelessness. the beating of his heart is more rapid now, thinking of how you anticipated his answer, how you wanted him to be there. “i was only kidding, of course i’ll be there.”

“sure,” you replied like you didn’t really believe him, “i’ll see you then.”

—

hinata was the one who convinced you to get into photography. truthfully, you wanted to try and exploring other mediums beside your usual set of paint and pencils.

“maybe i should try taking photos.” you joked, gently nudging his shoulders as the two of you browsed various film cameras. the crew had taken a brief break from filming, but you and hinata still wanted to continue exploring the various antique shops that lined the street.

“go for it!” he replied without missing a single beat, quickly rattling off a list of potential subjects, “you can take photos of plants, or maybe animals, really pretty scenery...it’s not even going to matter because i know you’ll end up taking really amazing photos.”

and when hinata insisted that he pay for the camera you chose, you decide on a subject.

__

the gallery is empty. well, at least the reception area is.

hinata’s dressed in his finest button-down and slacks, black dress shoes clicking against the white granite tiles. the receptionist directs him to the floor where your exhibition is meant to be held — right at the very top.

his brows furrow, there should be more people here. photographers, critics, fans even. he should’ve been greeted by reporters, by the surely hundreds of people all excited to see your work. you had only grown in popularity since your appearance on wgm, the number of people going to your exhibits only ever increasing. he should know, hinata’s been to every single one over the course of the show’s run. he knew what to expect. and it was certainly not this.

the elevator dings, indicating that he had reached the top floor. still, not a single person there. the frown on his face only deepens. hinata catches a glimpse of the exhibition’s title, “beyond the cameras: a retrospective”

the glass door is unlocked, hinata pushes through them only to be greeted with pictures of the last subject he expected: himself.

framed on the white walls of what possibly was tokyo’s most famous gallery were photos of him, glossy and bright, colors vivid and alluring. and they weren’t just any photos too, they were photos taken on the rare occasions wherein cameras weren’t following your every move. there were photos of him from nights he snuck you in the gym to teach you how to play volleyball, ones of him covered in paint taken in your studio, ones of him attempting to make you breakfast. all of which had him looking away from the camera.

that is until he reaches the final photo, the only one that had you in it as well, taken the night before the final day of filming. he was looking at the camera, but you were looking right at him — your gaze soft, the corners of your lips forming the smallest of smiles.

“so maybe i lied,” hinata heard a voice speak from beside him, recognizing it as yours almost immediately, “the exhibition is actually tomorrow. i just wanted you to see it first.”

“but why me?” he asked, biting the inside of his cheek.

“just because.” you shrugged, not even turning to look at him, gazing at your final photo — just like he was.

but hinata feels it, the tightening in his chest, the tension that enveloped your bodies as the two of you continued to stare straight ahead. he hears it, the ringing in his hears, the hammering of his heart, the unevenness of his breath.

you stand next to him, just a few inches separating you. hinata’s hand is drawn like a magnet to yours. at first your knuckles graze, and hinata holds his breath. then his fingertips push in between yours, you bite your lip. finally he he grasps your hand, a quiet exhale escapes you both.

you tear your eyes away from the photograph at the same time he does; your gazes meet. and just like that, you finally reach the same understanding as him, of just why leaving felt so wrong.

᠃ ⚘᠂ ⚘ ˚ ⚘ ᠂ ⚘ ᠃

a question: how would the hq boys (specifically timeskip) act on a variety show like we got married?  |  written on the margins masterlist

taglist : @haikyuutothetop @crystal-lilac @tobioespresso @sushijimawakatoshi @itsmeaudrieee @pantherhappy @jesssobs @mysticstrawberryballoon @cloudedsky_29

join my hq taglist here. <3

[partnersatfazbear]

Updates | Vday Sketches

I thought I’d post an update, so you guys know why I haven’t been posting. It’s nothing really serious, but I’ve been taking some time to spend with my wife before she starts a very long solid week of work with no time off, taking care of the apartment for her, ect.

I’ve had back pain, sciatica pain again as well as nightmares, so my sleep hasn’t been good..

I haven’t had any inspiration for poor William and Henry lately, but it is something I want to get back to. My interests change often, but I don’t want to abandon this ship anytime soon. I would be updating the fic, but I can’t get the middle sorted out. I haven’t sat down to finish Resurrection Seeker, although I’d say the last few chapters are about 50% done. As for the comic, I’ll upload that tomorrow. Out of pure laziness / back pain I haven’t finished coloring the most recent pages, but I’ve been looking forward to specific scenes and I really want to put my all as each page goes, hopefully improving the quality.

You have all been amazing, leaving lots of kudos. I appreciate that. I feel guilty for the lack of updates...

I admit what energy I have had has gone to my game, which still doesn’t have a name. I think I’ve almost worked out a plot I am happy with. I’m going to watch some horror movies today and get some inspiration. I’ve also been watching a lot of RPG Maker horror games (if you haven’t watched FlareBlitz, I highly recommend him... wife made fun of me because she says he sounds like PJ. If FB could read a little smoother, maybe. Nonetheless, FB is great for some relaxing RM content. Sadly, he’s doing a lot of VNs lately and it’s really not my thing.)

Anyway, to actual speak of my game, I’m really trying to figure out my story while mapping, which is probably a mistake, but I’d rather have a realistic house for a map that realistically conforms to the story. Having said that I realize that games like Pocket Mirror and Crooked Man stand out as my favorites and I’d like to include some fantasy elements at some point, but how to make it work with my grounded supernatural settings my work is set in is difficult.

Other random stuff I added to my to-do list is to make a Thousand Arms FNF Mod, but uh, it’s about 20 sprites not counting the death ones [just for the BF] (which I probably will only mildly modify). Then those 15 or so sprites must be copied / lowered a few times each to match the sprite sheet. This project is something very far off my radar, but I wanted to mention it.

So, right now my plans are to finish a chapter of something even if it’s typing up the first chapter of my MichaelxCharlie story, and post it. Second, work out my game’s plot a bit more. I have to establish this story with my 12 book long novels, which isn’t as hard as it sounds since this is near what I call “the end of the timeline” and I am planning with a sequel in mind. So, I want this game to have a lot of vague lore that gets answered in Part 2.

I just hope you can all support me in my game endeavors. I want to finish it by Easter. It’s isn’t my first RM title, but it’s something I would easily love to make a living out of someday.

Oh, and for some FNAF related stuff, we finally tracked down Glamrock Chica’s plush the other day when spending time with a friend. We still haven’t found Frostbear, unfortunetly. I’m going to have to pay scalpers for Chocolate Bonnie and Frostbear, sadly. The next book will come out in a month or so, IIRC? Gumdrop Angel? I don’t know if I’ll have anything to add for that. I also finished the Twisted Ones GN, so I’m out of material to read. Except to find that Google Drive post about the Shadow animatronics and read about them... because I intended to start a YT channel, but I’m too shy. I can’t do it without anyone to bounce my ideas off of and my wife is busy.

I will be taking a haitus between 2/20 and 2-28. My wife has vacation and we also moved our V-Day celebration to then. So, don’t expect too many updates that week, especially early on as we’ll be out of town visiting families.

I think I’ve rambled too much. If you made it this far, thank you..

Edit: Someone on twitter wanted Willry V-Day art. I might try my hand at it so I did some sketches... Springtrap literally giving his heart, Charlotte as flower girl (Henry has a plaid tux and William has bunny accessories), and then a scene from Resurrection Seeker.

[herbgerblin]

Keep scrolling if you don’t want negativity :0! Tumblr fucked with the formatting, so I’m answering your ask here, anon. 

Herb have you been alright during these like awful current times?:( How are you feeling?

Short answer: Big Bad with hints of good. Long answer under the cut, because this is long and very personal. Please don’t reblog:

I am really really really tired of living in historical events.

I’m African American, and I live in one of the major cities that has been set with a curfew. I live five minutes from a number of stores that have been looted and it’s been nonstop helicopters and sirens all day. My parents called at 1am the other night forbidding me (and my sis, who is staying with me currently) from going out for the next few days. 

My sister has friends who have been protesting, and she’s been keeping tabs on them. A friend of mine (who is also black) said he was going to drive home through downtown an hour ago. My other friends and I told him to call if anything happens. He just texted that he got home okay but the police presence is e v e r y w h e r e.

Whatever small, bursts of creativity I’ve been feeling have gone to completing art commissions or my Adult Job™. Usually when I’m drawing, I’ll have a movie or a podcast playing in the background, so keep the hyperactive part of my brain at bay while I finish. Sometimes I play horror movies. It’s like, well if my brain is focused on fictional fear, it won’t spiral into worrying about real, tangible fear. And I can control when to turn the volume on and off, or flick to another tab. But lately it’s been like, a lot of that.

The hyperawareness is off the charts. I can’t look at twitter right now, it’s too stressful. I uploaded some stuff earlier so I wouldn’t forget to do so. But other than that, I can’t because every new thing that updates is more sensationalized than the last. On tumblr, it’s not as bad because it’s mostly text stuff about showing support. 

I know there’s a whiplash whenever I reblog “oh here’s a baby duck” vs “here’s what to do if you get tear gassed.” But I don’t have the luxury to not face these things because they have happened and are happening and continue to happen, and it’s infuriating. Also there’s some guilt about being mad? like, the fuck? the fuck??? I feel the need to yell but I don’t want anyone to be Yelled At.

In regards to the upside of things, I love this community so, so much. All the fics, and the art, and silliness, and just everything have been beacons of light. I’m honestly tearing up thinking about it. I feel like I could fill a whole text post of nothing but thank you’s for the amount of times I’ve felt respite just today alone. This is a big ole word vomit and I’m probably not addressing everything, but that’s the gist of it. 

[knovesstorytelling]

Murray Mysteries Transcript S1E14

Episode 14. Dear Lucy

Written by May Toudic

Mina: Welcome to Murray Mysteries.

[Theme music plays.]

[A phone rings.]

Voicemail: You have one new message.

[A beep.]

Mina: Hey Lucy! I’m sorry I’ve been pretty much unreachable lately. Things have been so busy I haven’t even been able to catch up on my own podcast. Although I’m not sure it’s even really mine anymore. It’s ours, that is if you haven’t managed to turn it into The Lucy Show by now. Let Dr. Seward get a word in once in a while, will you? 

Mina: Again. I’m really sorry I haven’t stayed in touch, although you aren’t answering your phone, so who’s fault is it really. Think of that before you make fun of me for leaving a voicemail. You’re probably fabulously busy as always, so I thought I’d upload this little update so you can listen to it whenever you have time. So much has happened, it’s uh...it’s actually hard to know where to start.

Mina: Okay. We got back to the UK a couple of weeks ago, after Jonathon’s doctor said he was well enough to travel. Jon’s boss, Mr. Hawkins, picked us up at the airport and insisted we stay with him for a while, which is kind of weird, but I think he just felt guilty for sending Jonathon on that trip. 

Mina: He’s a really nice man. We’ve been exchanging emails since I started getting worried about Jon and he said he felt responsible for all this. I would love to extend his hospitality until we both got our bearings again. I just, I get the sense he’s just really lonely and happy to have us around. He’s always fussing over Jonathon and asking if we need anything. 

Mina: We never do, of course, because it feels like this place already seems to have everything anyone could possibly want. If you ever think about having a snack, there’s a housekeeper, yes there’s a housekeeper, will appear with a tray of like, pastries, or like cheese platter or something. And this house, you should see it. Lucy, it is insane. It looks like a museum. I’m scared to touch anything but I want to touch everything!

Mina: And every single item has a story. Turns out Jonathon was right, you can travel a lot as a solicitor. Mr. Hawkins has been everywhere and he loves to talk about it. I don’t think he’s been asked about his life and he like, he lights up anytime I ask a question. It’s kind of adorable.

Mina: Obviously I wanted to visit you since, since I got back, I really miss you. I really miss your face. And your voice. I even miss your teasing. That’s saying something. But between Jonathon’s recovery and Mr. Hawkins clearly needing the company, I didn’t feel like I’d get away. Besides, I know you’re probably surrounded by your adoring friends and lover. You’ve likely forgotten about me already.

Mina: Jon’s been getting better. He started walking again, though Mr. Hawkins won’t let him go back to the office. They’ve been working from home a few days a week and Jon’s in the running to make partner. Which, as I understand it, is pretty much like the biggest promotion you can get. He’s worried some of his colleagues might see it as nepotism, but I like to remind him he literally laid down his life for the company. He deserves the damn job.

Mina: He still gets nightmares about it. You know, whatever it is. Every once in a while he wakes up shaking in the middle of the night and I have to talk him down until he remembers where he is. It’s really scary.

Mina: What is it with everyone I love and refusing to sleep through the night like normal people. Speaking of, I hope you’re doing better with the whole sleepwalking thing or at least that Art is around to stop you falling off of cliffs. You know, I wouldn’t have to worry if you’d just answer your phone. Answer your phone, Lucy.

Mina: Jonathan said to give you his best, but I think that’s pretty weak coming from the junior partner of the most important firm of Hawkin and Harker. So, I’m sending you his love. And mine. Lots and lots of it. See you soon, and don’t fall off any cliffs.

[A beep. Jane sighs.]

Jane: We need to tell her.

Van Hellsing: We will. Soon. 

Jane: Soon, when? She’s dying.

Art: Jane’s right. Mina should be here. 

Van Hellsing: Trust me. It’s better for Miss Murray to stay out of this. The less people are involved, the better.

Quincey: Do you ever know what she’s talking about?

Jane: On... occasion.

Art: God. I wish there were something I could do. Anything. I would die instead of her if I could, I just… Why her?

Van Hellsing: That is a more complicated question than you can imagine. But the simple answer is because she was chosen. And once someone’s chosen, there’s nothing any of us can do. You gave her love in her last, hardest moments. And that did more for her than sacrificing your life ever could.

Art: Thank you. I wish I believed that.

Van Hellsing: She’d tell you the same if she could.

Art: I don’t know, she doesn’t even look like herself. She’s so pale and—

Quincey: Yeah, do her teeth look longer to you?

Jane: Probably a trick of the light.

Quincey: How—

[Sheets rustle.]

Lucy: Art?

Art: I’m here. See? Right here.

Lucy: Come closer.

Van Hellsing: Don’t! I’m sorry. I know you want to say goodbye. But we have to be careful.

Art: Of what? Is she s—

Van Hellsing: Not herself. Not anymore.

Jane: Professor…

Quincy: Come on Art, let’s get some air.

Art: What? No, I have to—

Quincey: She’s gone. There’s nothing more you can do.

[Art sobs.]

Art: Lucy.

Quincey: Come on.

[They leave.]

Jane: That’s— that’s it? It’s over?

Van Hellsing: Not quite I’m afraid. This is just the beginning.

[Credits music begins]

Credits: Murray Mysteries is a Knoves Storytelling production. This episode was written and produced by May Toudic and featured Drew Victorie as Mina Murray, Bebhinn Tankard as Dr. Jane Seward, Rebecca Krause as Professor Van Hellsing, Lucy Willis as Art Holmwood, Tom Magennis as Quincey Morris, and Megan John as Lucy Westenra. Original music by Sophie K. If you like our work, and would like to support us, you can sign for our Patreon at Pateron.com/KnovesStorytelling or follow us on Twitter, Instagram and Tumblr. Thank you for listening.

[raleighcarrera]

catch up

platinum | raleigh carrera x mc (cadence dorian)

it’s been eight months since the breakup. they have a lot to catch up on.

~6k words, M (18+ only)

songs mentioned are gorgeous | no more sad songs | touch (acoustic)

he’d been wondering who would get around to dropping their album first. from the looks of the current trending topics on twitter, cadence had won. it looked like she’d even chosen to jack his style -- dropping her album in full with no announcement, no promotion, no warning... nothing.

color him impressed.

no more sad songs was number one on trending. just below it was the word touch. related topics: cadence dorian, raleigh carrera. 

he told himself it was just his own narcissism that made him click. that, and morbid curiosity. it’d been so long since he’d last tortured himself, after all. 

a long list of tweets stared innocently back at him. GOD touch is the sexiest song anyone has EVER WRITTEN I’M SCREAMING, said the first one. make it a single queen!!!! you deserve the hottie they will cast for that music video and more!!!!!

he scrolled down. sooooooooo are we going to talk about how touch is obviously about raleigh carrera giving that good dick or nah

his eyebrows shot up. well, now he had to listen to it. 

he pulled up spotify; of course she was on the home page. with just a few taps, the song started to play. an impressive piano melody filled the room. she must have beep practicing. as her voice filtered in, he turned up the volume.

cadence sounded... soft and sad, and, the masses on twitter were right: sexy. god did her breathless, yearning voice sound sexy. despite himself, he could actually feel his face flush as he listened to the words. so won't you take it, i feel like for the first time i am not faking... fingers on my buttons and now you're playing. master of anticipation, don't you keep it all to yourself.

it took everything in him not to be consumed by the memories that were threatening, but the last thing he needed was to fall down that rabbit hole. he’d gone so long without thinking about her, after all. it was almost up to a full two days at this point, before something would inevitably remind him of her and he would spiral again.

the rest of her album stared back at him from his laptop screen. he studied the cover art as her voice filled the empty room. it was a photo of cadence, of course, a wide full-body shot against a brick wall. she looked powerful, in the sharp black outfit she was wearing, her skirt just short enough to make her legs look a few hundred miles long. 

inhaling sharply, raleigh forcibly redirected his gaze to the track list, scanning the rest of the titles. his lips curved up into a smirk as he read them off, one by one. motorcycle boy. hollywood. tattoos and bad news. subtlety was never her strong point.

then again, he mused, as he considered his own journal and the songs inside it -- kaleidoscope dress. ferris wheel. lady liberty. sex at the moda. -- he really wasn’t one to talk. not that his label would ever let him get away with that last one. it was just a working title, anyway. 

he navigated back to twitter and tapped the moment about her album, no more sad songs. the first tweet he saw said omgggg i love the energy of cadence building raleigh up in ‘gorgeous’ and then tearing him down in ‘shout out to my ex’ so much kdhfgksjfhdg HER MIND this album is everything

it looked like he had some listening to do. but first... 

he strolled over to the far wall of his bedroom and pulled off his shirt, sidling up to the floor length mirror by the window to take a selfie. his free hand pushed his hair back from his face, and he stuck his tongue out at his reflection as he snapped the picture. 

it was just trolling, he told himself as he uploaded the photo to his pictagram, already laughing at his own joke while he typed out the caption. it wasn’t like he was trying to get anyone’s attention -- he just couldn’t resist giving the fans and the internet something to talk about.

raleigh smirked at his phone as the photo finished uploading and stared back at him from his feed. photograph with no t-shirt on. well, there was no taking it back now. if cadence was allowed to write about him, he was allowed to enjoy it, right?

five minutes later, his phone rang. it was avery. he took care to pause cadence’s album before he picked up the phone. “helloooooooo?”

“you know you broke the internet, right?” she asked, aprops of a greeting. 

a shit-eating grin appeared on his face. “i have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“you’re such a dick,” she laughed, “you just couldn’t let her have one day, could you? you could congratulate her, you know. she worked really hard on that thing.”

“um, i basically gave her a number one album,” he remarked, his bravado a mask as always. “without me she would’ve had, like, one track on that thing. or she wouldda had to write about you. so you’re welcome, too.”

raleigh pulled his phone away from his face to squint down at his pictagram notifications. stream no more sad songs!! said the last ten comments. omg shout out to my ex is right

“besides, i’m getting trolled. like, a lot. i doubt she cares what i post.”

“i wouldn’t be so sure about that,” avery remarked cryptically. before he had a chance to wonder what that meant, she said, “hey, she’s playing a surprise show tonight at webster hall before the album release party. you should stop by.”

“i think if she wanted me to come to her party she would’ve invited me.” it might’ve been nice to hear from her -- especially given the intimate details about their relationship he was now being forced to listen to, along with millions of other people. 

you’re not being fair, he reminded himself, thinking again of sex at the moda. he hardly intended to give her a heads-up about that one. though he doubted she would care.

not that he cared. she could write about whatever she wanted. she could turn her life into art -- if that was what she wanted. she could tell... whoever, about what had happened between them. about what he’d made her feel.

she never told him, but, whatever. that was fine. that was her prerogative.

“earth to raleigh,” avery said on the line, snapping him out of his thoughts. “i said, she didn’t tell anyone about the party. the album was a secret, yeah? you should at least come to the show. i think your support would mean a lot to her.”

“well, i guess you’ll just have to support her enough for the both of us,” he said, meaner than he felt. raleigh shut his eyes, sighing as he rubbed at his forehead. “sorry. i’m not trying to be an asshole.”

“don’t sweat it.” avery always let him off the hook so easily, “i know it just comes naturally to you. seriously, the show starts at 7. think about it, okay? if you do decide to come, text me when you get there and i’ll let you in the back.”

he put the album back on as soon as they hung up. without a distraction, there was nothing to stop him from looking at cadence’s twitter account. she’d last posted just a few minutes ago:

surprise! i’ll be playing no more sad songs in its entirety tonight at webster hall’s marlin room. doors open at 6 for the first 600 in line. see you there? you never know who might drop by...

fuck it. he turned the volume up on her album and headed towards the shower. he’d avoided her for long enough, and tonight was as good a night for him to get over himself as any. maybe after this he could stop looking over his shoulder at every party he went to, terrified he’d have to see her. 

that didn’t mean that it didn’t feel like a mistake, to get dressed and make his way to the village. it felt like a bad decision every step of the way, even as he ducked around the back of the venue at 7:05 to see avery’s smiling face, holding the backstage door wide open. it was too late to go home, now. 

“took you long enough,” she grinned, squealing as she jumped into his arms. “i almost thought you weren’t going to show.”

“yeah, yeah. did she go on yet?”

avery led him inside, closing the door firmly behind them both. she nodded as they stepped up to the side of the stage. the screams from the crowd were deafening. “she just went out there. i think she’s about to start --”

raleigh heard the strum of a guitar and peeked around to see cadence standing center stage. “this is a really good looking crowd,” she said, grinning when the sound of the cheers rose exponentially. “thanks so much for coming out. are you guys cool if i play some tunes? yeah? okay, then. this first one is about a guy i used to date, it’s called ‘gorgeous.’”

he folded his arms over his chest, leaning back against the wall behind them. he was shameless in the way he looked her up and down, staring as she strutted across the stage. he was proud of her -- she’d come a long way since the first time he saw her perform, so long ago. cadence had real stage presence, now -- she’d come into her own. she acted like a woman, sang like a woman, dressed like a woman. she was confident. 

“whiskey on ice, sunset and vine. you’ve ruined my life by not being mine.” an elbow in his side made raleigh tear his eyes from her. he looked over at avery, rubbing at his ribs. “ow. what was that for?”

“you know everyone thinks this one is about you, right?” she asked, smirking. 

“you make me so happy it turns back to sad, there’s nothing i hate more than what i can’t have.” 

“aren’t they all about me?” raleigh asked, still hiding behind his attitude. avery only rolled her eyes, and eventually the crowd’s screams drowned out anything else they might’ve wanted to say. 

she played a few more songs before finally sitting down at the piano off to the side of the stage. now that she was closer, raleigh could see her better, and he stared as she brushed her hand across her forehead, pushing her hair off her face. she drank deeply from a water bottle and then set it on the piano’s ledge. raleigh was close enough to watch her swallow, but she still didn’t see him. it was probably the stage lights -- a single spotlight illuminated her at the piano as she adjusted the mic to pull it closer to her lips.

“we’re gonna slow it down for just one song,” cadence said, “i hope you don’t mind.” the cheers from the crowd proved that they didn’t. “i saw ya’ll talking about this one on twitter earlier.” he could see her grin perfectly from where he was standing; it was blinding. “i’m glad you like it. even if you don’t post thirst traps to it.”

the crowd went wild. even raleigh barked out a laugh; he hardly thought she had it in her. okay. point one, cadence.

“put your flashlights in the air for this one, okay? you and i and nobody else... feeling feelings i never felt...”

she was beautiful, of course -- always, every day, but never more than in this moment, with her eyes closed and her expression haunted, her hands moving along the piano keys. it probably said something dangerous about his ego that he found her the most stunning when she was singing about him. 

as the last few notes died, he sighed, digging his fingernails into the fabric of his jacket over his arms where they were folded on his chest. suddenly, it felt like he shouldn’t be there. or maybe he was the only one who should be there. either way, he hardly wanted to think about it. 

her moment of silent reflection as the song ended was gone in a flash. he watched her take a breath to steady herself, and then cadence was back in her stage persona, hopping off the piano bench to grab her guitar again. “thank you so much, new york city. you’ve been amazing. i’m so glad i could share this album with you -- it’s one of the most personal things i’ve ever written, and it means so much to me to play it for you all like this.” 

“this is the last song i have for you tonight -- it’s the title track, no more sad songs. it’s the last song i wrote for the album. this song is about trying to get over someone you can’t help but think about by any means necessary. it’s about the point in a breakup where you’re tired of wallowing and you’ll do anything you can to make yourself feel better -- i like to think it’s about the acceptance stage of grief. anyway, it felt right to keep it last... to name the album after it. i’m finally at a place in my life where i can put this chapter behind me. and it took a lot to get there, and i’m so proud of that. so, with that being said...” 

the crowd cheered as she strummed the first few notes. “thank you guys again so fucking much. sing along if you know the words already, okay?”

it was the second time that day he’d heard the song. it still made him feel the same way he’d felt when he first heard it -- angry and surprised and unsettled... and guilty. why hadn’t she ever told him she felt that way? why hadn’t she called him, and more importantly, why had he never called her, again?

his gaze hardened as she stopped at the front of the stage for the bridge. the same single spotlight illuminated her again. 

“uh, why do you have that murdery look?” avery asked from beside him. he said nothing, watching the melody build around cadence as she approached the crowd.

“still got you on my mind, starting to realize... no matter what i do, i will only harm myself tryn’a hurt you, and if i turn the music loud just to drown you out --”

her head tipped back with the powerful crescendo. she looked like an angel under the spotlight, more beautiful than he even knew how to explain. his chest seized painfully. 

abruptly, he turned around and headed back towards the backstage door. he knew he only had moments until the last song ended and cadence rushed backstage, and he needed to get out of there before that happened.

“raleigh!” avery called after him, but he didn’t stop, throwing open the back door and stepping out onto the sidewalk... immediately into a crowd of waiting fans and paparazzi.

a cacophony of screams started from the street. “ohmygod, it’s raleigh carrera!”

fuck. venue security glared at him as he shoved sunglasses on -- fuck the fact that it was nine o’clock at night -- and rushed off down the sidewalk. so much for getting in and out before cadence saw him. there’d be pictures of his exit all over social media in moments. paparazzi called after him as he rushed to the intersection, eyes scanning the street desperately for a working cab.

he stuck his hand out just as one with its lights on slid to a stop at the corner, jumping inside and slamming the door closed. camera flashes still shone behind his eyes even as he shoved the palms of his hands into them, drawing in a deep breath. sighing shakily, he met the driver’s eyes in the rearview mirror. “88th and park. please.”

once he was alone in his apartment he felt like he wanted to put his fist through a wall. the urge to destroy something, anything was too strong -- because that was what he was supposed to do, wasn’t it? that’s what raleigh carrera would do.

she deserved so much better than him. the last thing she needed was to see him at her show and get sucked back into his bullshit. he paced around his living room, convincing himself he’d done the right thing. she’d moved on, after all -- she was happy, thriving. she didn’t need him around messing up her life. she’d practically said so herself. 

his phone vibrated where he’d dumped it on the coffee table, sliding onto the carpeted floor. raleigh couldn’t think of anyone he wanted to talk to, but he bent down and picked it up anyway.

he almost jumped out of his skin when he saw the caller id. cadence dorian. tongue out emoji. winking emoji. music note. 

“hello?”

“oh, so your phone isn’t down a well somewhere. okay, just checking. good to know.”

she hung up. 

he glared down at the phone in his hand. what the fuck? raleigh called her back before he even knew what he was doing.

“what?” she answered, though she sounded annoyed. like... really annoyed. 

“what is your problem?” he demanded.

“my problem?” she laughed. he could barely hear her over the commotion on the other end of the line -- someone was calling her name repeatedly in a way that sounded urgent -- and then a door slammed, and there was quiet. “my problem, okay. i don’t have a problem. i’m not the one out here subtweeting and sneaking in and out of your show without calling, am i?”

“no, you’re just writing and releasing an entire sixteen-song album about me and all the ways i ruined your life without calling,” he snapped, his patience finally wearing thin enough to crumble. “don’t you think it might’ve been nice for you to give me a heads-up?”

“oh, please,” cadence scoffed, and he could feel that she was getting angry now, too. it felt good, in an awful sort of way. at least it was something. “i should have to clear it with you every time i write a song?”

“not a heads-up about the album,” he grit out, the fingers of his free hand flexing with the urge to throw something, “a heads-up about the way you fucking felt. you never say a goddamn word about any of that to me and i have to find out about it for the first time with -- everyone else? that’s really fucking special, cadence. that means a lot to me.”

there was silence on the other end of the line, giving him a moment to try to calm himself down. cadence was only ever quiet when she’d been surprised, meaning she wasn’t expecting him to say that. but she was certainly silent, then; if he couldn’t still hear her breathing raggedly, he might’ve assumed that she hung up on him again.

finally, she spoke, her voice small and unsure. “raleigh...”

but he wasn’t done fighting with her yet. “what’s the matter? you never thought that it might actually hurt my feelings? i guess that’s on me for giving a shit.”

“raleigh,” cadence said again, more insistently this time, “i didn’t know how to --”

“how to what, cadence? not break up with me? not ignore me for eight months afterwards? not pretend like it didn’t mean anything to you? it’s not that difficult.”

“well, obviously it was too difficult for you to do, too. you didn’t call me, either. so i’m supposed to believe -- what, exactly? that you missed me? that’s convincing, when you’re never out without a model on your arm.” 

she sounded hurt. why did she sound hurt? she was the one who’d stomped on his heart, she was the one who’d wanted this. 

“get over yourself,” he bit out, his hand curling into a fist at his side. he was never going to get his security deposit back after what he was about to do to his penthouse. “you knew i was in love with you and you didn’t care. which is fine. you don’t have to... just own it. stop acting like i did something to you.”

suddenly, the commotion on the other end of the line was back. “i have to go,” she said softly, her voice barely a whisper. 

he hung up without saying goodbye, throwing his phone onto the couch. okay. that was fine. everything was fine.

except that he couldn’t possibly stand to be in his apartment for another moment -- not without doing something stupid. 

he grabbed his keys and his phone and left, slamming the door behind him. his fingers drummed restlessly on his thighs as he rode the elevator down to the lobby. there were paparazzi waiting outside the front door of his building -- raleigh could see them through the glass as soon as he stepped out of the elevator. with a grimace, he headed for the back door.

there was already a car waiting for him. “let’s go to kismet,” he directed, rapidly firing off text messages to anyone he knew who might be available to distract him. 

within minutes, he was inside the club at a vip table. there was a bottle of vodka sitting in a bucket of ice at the center of the booth, calling out to him. he lifted it straight to his lips, drinking as much as he could in one go without coughing. she’d always used to joke about his self-destructive tendencies. if only she could see him now.

“hey, raleigh.” belle tamblyn stood before him, smiling in the low light of the club. she must’ve just gotten back from paris fashion week. two of her friends had already sat down at the booth, talking among themselves. 

he leaned back into the booth with a charming smile. “hey, belle. i knew you missed me.”

she laughed, taking his words as an invitation to sit down in his lap. he didn’t push her off, wrapping an arm around her narrow shoulders. she was taller and thinner than cadence in a way that wasn’t unfamiliar to him, but wasn’t exactly welcome, either. you’re never out without a model on your arm.

“so,” she started, looking down at him from up close, “what’ve you --”

he leaned up and kissed her, sliding a hand into her hair. her lips parted in surprise, sticky with lip gloss. raleigh bit her bottom lip and she sighed breathlessly, and that was -- good. that was almost... close enough.

his free hand slid over her backside, pulling her in closer. she was breathing hard when she pulled away, her face flushed.

raleigh laughed, pushing his fingertips under the hem of her dress. she reached down and swatted playfully at his chest.

“you’re an asshole,” she said primly, but she was rubbing her hand over the muscles in his chest. “do you want to get out of here?”

the last thing he wanted was to bring her back to his apartment, or to be there at all. “i don’t think i can wait that long,” he said charmingly, “bathroom?”

her nose scrunched up as she considered it, staring down at him. then, she said, “fine,” and slid up off his lap. he grinned, grabbing her hand and tugging her off toward the back of the club. 

it was a single person bathroom, and blessedly empty when they arrived. no one paid them any attention as he pulled her inside and flipped the lock. 

raleigh lifted her onto the sink and leaned in to kiss her again. she moaned as he pushed her legs apart and stepped between them, sliding his hands up her thighs.

this was fine. this was what he wanted.

so why couldn’t he force himself to do what he knew he was supposed to? his hands didn’t seem to want to move from where he’d anchored them on her legs, his lips kissing her methodically but not doing much else.

she wants to have sex with you! his brain screamed at him, she is a supermodel. a supermodel who wants to have sex with you. 

impatiently, her hands slid to the waistband of his jeans. he didn’t stop her as she pulled the zipper down and slipped her hand under the waistband of his briefs. 

it’s not a big deal. you’ve done this a million times. never after an argument like that with cadence, though... only when she was busy pretending he didn’t exist... 

the bass of the music playing in the club vibrated through the closed door. the song sounded painfully familiar -- he strained to make out what it was...

of course it was a dance remix of ‘gorgeous.’ why wouldn’t it be?

panting, he pulled his mouth off of belle’s, tipping their foreheads together. “hey,” he started hoarsely, licking his lips as he glanced down towards where her hand was wrapped around him, “i’m sorry, but i don’t... have anything. i don’t think we should...”

have unprotected sex in a nightclub bathroom. her teeth dug into her bottom lip as she weighed her options. on any other night, that might have actually been flattering, but tonight...

pounding on the bathroom door made their minds up for them. he stepped back, adjusting himself in his jeans. “come on.”

he helped her down off the sink and opened the door, ready to lead her back out into the club. the line of people waiting to use the bathroom stared open-mouthed at them both as they walked off toward the booth. raleigh grinned at them as he walked past -- that was what he was supposed to do, right?

belle’s friends barely arched an eyebrow at her as they sat down again. immediately, he started pouring drinks and passing them out -- anything to be as drunk as possible before the song ended.

by the time he stumbled home, alone, it was late -- later than he’d wanted to be out. he used the front door -- not because he wanted any paparazzi to get photos of him going home alone or anything, but because he felt like it -- and waited until he was in the elevator to sigh frustratedly, decidedly not checking his phone. he knew there was no way she’d texted him.

cadence was sitting on the floor outside of his apartment door when he stepped out into the hallway.

he stared at her like she was a hallucination, lifting one hand to his eyes to rub at them. maybe he had more to drink than he’d thought. she looked up at him, still dressed in what she must’ve worn to her album release party.

he felt like he was going to throw up. god, that would be uncool.

“hi,” she said quietly, from the floor. wordlessly, he stepped closer to her and held out his hand. she took it, letting him pull her up. “can i talk to you?”

that wasn’t going to be easy, considering he had absolutely no idea what to say, but raleigh nodded, unlocking his front door and motioning for her to step inside.

he didn’t turn the lights on, letting the floor-to-ceiling windows illuminate the space. the lights from the city and the glow of the moon made cadence look almost ethereal as she slowly wandered over towards the far wall, hesitating for a moment before kicking her high-heeled shoes off. despite himself, his lips twitched up into a smile as he watched her.

“want a drink?” he asked, because he certainly did.

she nodded, and he moved to the bar cart to pour them both a half-full glass of vodka. he dropped an ice cube into his and poured orange juice over hers. 

raleigh forced his feet to join her at the windows, silently holding her glass out to her. she took it with a mumble of thanks, lifting it to her lips. her eyes were trained on the view. what the fuck was she doing here?

the silence stretched between them. finally, he said, “congratulations on the album. it’s really good.”

that seemed to snap her out of it. she snuck a glance at him out of the corner of her eye. “you listened to it?”

he nodded. no point in lying about it, now. “i’m a narcissist,” he joked, “it’s what i do.”

she laughed. raleigh stuffed his free hand into his pocket so that he wouldn’t reach out for her. god, he’d missed her laugh. 

he drained what was left in his glass in one go. “what’re you doing here?”

cadence was still staring out at the city. “i wanted to talk to you.”

“and yet, here you are. not talking.”

“i didn’t get that far when i planned this in my head,” she admitted, in an annoyingly endearing way. god damnit.

“how far did you get?”

she turned to look at him, then, leaning her shoulder against the window. “i thought maybe i would just kiss you when you got here and that would say everything i wanted to say. but then i chickened out.”

it felt like she’d just elbowed him in the stomach. “that doesn’t sound like you.”

“the kissing? i don’t know, i thought about it kind of a lot...”

he swallowed hard. “the chickening out.”

“oh.” she nodded, looking away. raleigh watched her stare down at the glass in her hands. “i guess i just felt like i already messed up so much. i didn’t want to... do the wrong thing again.”

raleigh couldn’t quite decide if he was too drunk for this conversation or not drunk enough. “how was your party?”

“it was fine. i think the last one i had -- for the odyssey -- was better.”

there was a night he didn’t want to relive. “look,” he sighed finally, turning back towards the windows and the city skyline, “i didn’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable position. if you’re only here because you think i’m upset... you don’t have to be. i’ll be fine.”

he could see her shifting out of his peripheral vision. she seemed to be considering what she wanted to say. finally, she spoke up. “that’s not why i’m here.” he turned towards her and watched as her shoulders squared. “i’m here because i missed you. a lot. and i wanted to apologize, for what happened between us... for shutting you out. for not telling you how i felt -- that i was in love with you, too. for letting you go.”

raleigh’s grip tightened on his glass so that he wouldn’t drop it on the floor. he stared at her like he was seeing her for the first time. 

cadence drew in a deep breath and continued, “getting over you was the hardest thing i ever had to do. and when i saw the pictures of you leaving the show tonight i realized... i failed miserably at it. i can’t get over you. i couldn’t. i won’t.”

he had to be imagining this, right? he was drunk and asleep in his limo, he had to be. he was dreaming.

but she felt very, very real when she reached out and twined her fingers in the fabric of his shirt.

“please say something,” she begged. she was undeniable.

“cadence...” he sighed, “you know how i feel.”

she nodded, once. “i do, but i want to hear you say it.”

“i want you to be my fucking girlfriend,” he admitted immediately, his voice hoarse. now that he’d given in, his free hand reached out and cupped her cheek. “for real. all the time. in front of everyone. i want you to move in, i never want us to go another day without talking. i don’t want anyone else to touch you. ever again.”

her lips parted. he couldn’t stop his thumb from pressing into her invitingly full bottom lip, watching in fascination as her eyelids fluttered. “raleigh,” she breathed, beautifully enough to do his head in. 

he stepped forward swiftly, pressing her back against the windows, and kissed her. she moaned, scrambling to set her glass on the side table next to her. he knew her hands were free when they shoved into his hair. 

fuck, if he hadn’t been wanting this for so long. his lips broke off of her to trail kisses across her jaw, down towards her neck. he couldn’t stop his fingers from tugging at her dress insistently. “do you want that?” he demanded. raleigh felt her nod against him. his teeth scraped across her pulse point. “say it.”

“raleigh!” she exclaimed. it was the most amazing sound in the world. his hips pushed forward insistently, grinding between her thighs. the force of it pushed her back into the windows. “i want it, i want you. i want all of it -- everything.”

the urgency to fuck her through the window was balancing precariously against his desire to do things right -- to give her what she deserved. with a huff, he wrapped his arms around her and lifted her up, walking them both off towards his bedroom.

she laughed again as he dumped her on the mattress, hard enough to make her bounce. raleigh grinned back at her as he whipped his shirt off of his head, tossing it to the floor. she was scrambling up the mattress, and he chased her towards the headboard, kneeling on top of her when she finally laid back.

he crowded her in close for another kiss, his hands everywhere at once. she whined into his lips, kissing him so urgently, like they didn’t have all the time in the world, now. “i missed you,” she breathed, her hands clutching at his shoulders desperately.

“i missed you too, beautiful,” he returned, pushing her dress up her thighs, “now lie back and let me make you feel good.”

his head was spinning by the time they’d finished, and not because of the drinks he’d had. cadence was tucked up under his arm, her head pillowed on his chest. she was still catching her breath as she dragged her fingertips along the tattoo spanning the expanse of his ribs.

the sun was starting to come up outside, filtering light into his bedroom. he stared at her face, illuminated by the dawning daylight. “you know, if anyone here is gorgeous, it’s you.”

“oh my god,” she mumbled, pressing her face into his skin, “you’re never going to let this go, are you?”

he smirked up at the ceiling as he pulled her in closer. “would you say it makes you so mad?”

“i’m going home,” she threatened, pinching his side. he laughed, squirming away from her hand. “this is over. you ruined it.”

“well, what if i want to come along?”

“raleigh,” she groaned finally, kicking him under the covers, “stop it.”

he snickered, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “what, you’re allowed to write about me, but i’m not allowed to enjoy it?”

“please,” she sighed, settling in against his chest again, “like you don’t write about me.”

“i never said that,” he hummed, already imagining the things her face would do when she finally got to listen to his album, if he ever finished it. “i’m really hoping the label doesn’t make me change the name of sex at the moda.”

“okay, you did not write a song called ‘sex at the moda.’ tell me you didn’t.”

“i’d hate to lie.”

she lifted her head to look at him, her face flushing. “will you play it for me?”

he eyed the guitar in the corner of his bedroom. like he could ever say no to her. still...

“maybe later,” he grinned, rolling over to pin her beneath him, the sheets tangling around their legs. “i can think of a better use of our time. we have a lot to catch up on.”

her arms wound around his neck. “tell me about it.”

[lucifer-kane]

Finally my side of this whole KFAM debacle

I’ve never had to write something like this before, so here we go. I know that there have been other people who have said things on this topic, people who I’m very grateful towards in all of this, who have come forward in this… strange time. I feel like I finally can say something after freaking out for a few days and talking with others as well online who are on this side of it all. But I feel like I finally need to say something as…. Probably the person who really started it all, I guess? As the one who made the post saying “Me casting death of the author onto kfam” Because I was finally fed up with just everything I had learned over the last year + of talking about criticisms in the show and of the creators/writers. I spent months talking to others on at least two different servers about all of this, from learning it myself, to being here in this position of what’s currently going on.

A lot started a few months ago in the Official Server, when a graphic artist posted an edit of a character of the show in BDSM gear, which, automatically, is NSFW. Some had issues and said that it got taken down, then a few hours later uploaded it once more with a spoiler cover over it. Friday morning, it happened again, this time with a group shot, but he was still there. Now. I don’t think I would have issues with this if it was posted on a server with specific channels for 18+ members of it only. But it wasn’t, and this server is a SFW only, but apparently “canon compliant” NSFW is a-okay. Which, I think is utterly ridiculous, because minors are still in there, and that should not be allowed. If you’re going to allow that stuff, at least have designated channels where only 18+ members can opt in to see that sort of thing. You can’t have both.

Two people called this out, one directly sending an @ to the mods in said server, and it was a little bit before a response happened, then two other messages were taken down, the message with the @ left in it. Kyle had also retweeted the art on twitter, and while I don’t think that was such a bad thing, his response to at least adding a warning that it was NSFW, was pretty unprofessional. The person who asked Kyle to say as such, was bullied by both Kyle and Trent on twitter as well.

Now, onto my DotA post once more. After posting that I had a few hours of chillness, up until in the middle of a call with friends, I looked over to my discord list of servers I was in, and the Official was no longer there. I panicked, left the call, and cried for a long time about it, because despite my criticism, I loved being there! I told my friends on this server, where the criticism was most of the time, and there was a few hour period of questioning what the hell was going on. It was late at night, and everyone was confused. No one would give reasoning to what was going on. Until I was vagued to have been a problem for a long time.

Now, it may have been my bluntness when it comes to text, bc you know, autism! But I don't think I've ever done anything that would warrant people to be uncomfortable, other than criticize the show (and the server at times) on my personal tumblr (twitter on occasion). Which I can see as being upset about that, but I was way too damn scared to PM a mod to talk about what was going on, because at this point, it was very obvious they hated me. I didn’t like that they never came to talk, like a civilized person, about all this. I don't want to make people uncomfortable, that's the last goddamn thing I wanna do in this world.

Now, we’re here. A few days after everything went down, to what I feel like was a simple miscommunication, I would never wish death on someone at all, that’s disgusting behavior and I don’t like that Kyle even vagued that I did such a thing. I have never interacted with him at all, even when he would come and talk on the server. I actively tried to avoid interactions with the creators because I’m not a fan of creators being this close to their fanbase, where people have actively said it makes them uncomfortable.

I love this podcast a lot, for the first year I praised it like others did as well, but then, I read some things about Kyle, and then some of the things in the show. We all know those things, the Hellen Keller episode, how Lily is written, Jacob in his whole character, and the racism in Walt. But I started being critical on main, voicing my thoughts and concerns. Because criticism is an okay thing, it helps artists grow in the things they do. And I understand not liking criticism, I don’t like it sometimes, but sometimes it’s needed, to move your art forward. Kyle’s reaction to criticism is that of a man who doesn’t have thick skin and doesn’t wanna be proven wrong in the things he does.

As of now, because of all this, I’ve been blocked from the KFAM twitter, Kyle himself, and I think the tumblr as well (Or at least they’ve unfollowed me, I don’t care enough to check on there). And I’ve seen my friends get bullied by the creator of this show, and even members of the community. While at a lesser scale than Kyle, it’s still gross to see the fanbase act like this, especially acting like my friends and I are actively bullying them, when we just wanted one piece of art to be taken down from a space that, in all reality, has a lot of minors in it.

And finally, I just wanna talk about the server in general. I joined maybe six months after getting into the show, we were pretty far into the first hiatus at this point and I wanted more content, so, I finally beat my discord anxiety down and joined. And I had so much fun! I talked to people who I still think about, posted art, fics, did headcanons all the time. I talked in there quite a bit up until I got kicked. But the overall vibe of the discord after being there longer than a month, was not the greatest. And it took me longer than average to notice, shortly before posting public criticisms. This was when I started getting ignored more often than not, and not that everyone did that, I still had people talk to me, which was nice. But as time went on, this happened more and more, to more and more people.

People who saw my criticisms, and came to me, mostly anonymously, to say they felt the exact same way. And that’s… not a good thing. The whole “Only happy things, no negativity about the show!” attitude that is in there, is bad. You can’t criticize something you love, and if you do, you’re dogpiled onto until you shut up. This has happened to many people, not just me. There’s times where queer members of this community, will talk about themseles as some lgbt+/queer fans do. Saying things along the line of “___ is gay culture!” or “I think [x] is trans!!” and they’ll either get ignored (in the latter case) or just someone won't get the first one is a joke and get upset. Which, I can see if you’re new to a place where people say that, but don’t outright shut someone down like that, ask what it means. That goes for anything.

I enjoyed my time there, and I was super upset when I found myself kicked, distraught even. Then they started kicking more people without even a word which isn’t how you run a server, no one should get an instant ban without being talked to, and I think I would be less upset if I had been talked to, to at least tell my side. But no, I got this, and here we are. With multiple testimonies that aren’t my own, telling how horrible that server is towards some people who they don’t like, who speak out, who say “Hey maybe we should do [x].” And that’s… Not the safe environment they say they have, because I, among many others. Was also super uncomfortable when it came to some things in there.

As a queer member of this community, I, and others like me, felt ignored. Ignored in the criticism of their queer characters who were written by non-queer men, and then, as stated above. Upset at literally everything else that wasn’t good in their show. But now, we’re being painted as the villains in a way, being bullied by the creator, and others acting like nothing is going wrong. But that’s all I have to say, if prompted, I will talk more on any subject here.

I’m not angry, I never once was. At this point I find more saddened amusement in all of this, rather than anger. But. That is all, thank you for your time on this subject.

[unioncolours]

One Majsasaurus Year!

Today is a very special day for me. This day marks the one-year anniversary since I uploaded the very first chapter of my very first fanfiction. It has been one year since I stepped into the Naruto/Boruto fandom as a content creator.

This post is going to be a sappy meta post about my year as a content creator and my relationship to my fanfictions, to my writing and to my fandom and friends.

Please continue reading down below 💕⬇ 

I began watching Naruto in 2019, and by summer 2019 I had seen Shikamaru’s arc in Shippuden. I was blown away by his character and I was a full shipper of ShikaTema by then. I could not wait until we got to the end of Shippuden, and began googling the next gen characters (and spoiling the end game couples at the same time) and you can only imagine my satisfaction when I found out ShikaTema became canon and they had a son.

Very soon after this I came up with my first fanfiction idea, the one that gave birth to my very first fanfiction Shadows and Sand. I believed that idea had been done before, but after vacuuming through both ff.net and ao3, and I found nothing, I decided to write it myself.

I may have written fanfictions only for a year, but prior to this I was hardcore into the original writing world. I had written two fantasy novels and five full length plays before I wrote my first fanfiction, one of which was published, so the art of writing was something I was fairly used to.

The fanfiction writers I had read and followed to this point were Big Fandom Name writers with strict schedules and lots of readers. Every time they uploaded a new chapter their audience would write comments like “Your spoiling us with these tight schedules” and so on. I really liked the idea of a consecutive schedule and decided to write the whole first fic in its entirety, so I could “spoil” my potential readers with updates.

Shadows and Sand ended up being 35 000 word long, divided into eight chapters. This was the first story in my whole life I had ever written completely in English (and it was not easy). Going back to Shadows and Sand is cringy for me, mainly for the way I expressed myself in English, thought I still think the plot is great.

Here is one of the lines from Shadows and Sand I to this day think is amazing:

“She [Mirai] looked into his eyes, but he [Shikadai] didn’t look back, because he was already staring into a nightmare where his dad was dead because of his mistakes.”

For a totally new fanfiction writer, with no “fanbase” prior to this, I would say I got quite a lot of comments (around 15 in total on the eight chapters) and I was extremely happy for that.

I uploaded the whole thing in a week and a half, satisfied and proud of the result. At the final chapter I got a comment where the commentor wrote something along the lines of “Well written angst and well written fluff”. I pondered about those statements for a long time, thinking, yes, this was actually angst, even if I in the moment of writing – then I was still unused to the tagging system and the tropes of fanfiction, didn’t categorise the fic as angst, because I thought angst could only be chopped off limbs and painful deaths. But this fic had angst as well. Tiny angst, but still. And a rather powerful feeling rose in my chest from that moment. This is what I want to do in the fandom. To write heartfelt stories that make people feel.

  One week after I uploaded the final chapter of Shadow and Sand my fingers began to itch. I wanted to write more. Wanted to explore the little grain of world building I had already created. Wanted to write more Shikadai and Inojin kissing.

And thus, To go down with the Sun was born.

I began writing Down with the Sun with only one vision – something epic and an explosion. The plot was evolving as I was writing and the result ended up being just beautiful. And I became obsessed with this story. I wrote it in racer speed, 50 000 words in 26 days (that is madness, I tell you, MADNESS!) and then the rest 30k in 20 days. I could not think of anything but this story and the Next Generation Kids I put through trials and hell. I felt true euphoria while writing this story that unfolded under my fingers like in a dream. It was a mania, and a damn strong one.

The first thing I did when I woke up was writing, the last thing I did before going to bed was writing it. I prioritised writing this story above all in my life.

At the time of uploading, the fic did not get that much recognition. I got about one comment per chapter. When I uploaded the final chapter, I got two comments on that one, which was a tiny bummer, since I had hoped for more. It was a lonely, but lovely job to write Down with the Sun, mostly with my own thoughts as company, since the readers were rather quiet with feedback.

But I loved the few comments I got and I still got kicks from just the single act of uploading a new chapter. Because in the end, I wrote for myself and even more for the characters and plot. Finishing the story was the greatest motivator.

I uploaded the final chapter of To go down with the Sun December 7th, 2019.  And I still to this day love the story I created, even if I know that I’d definitely re-write some elements from the story if I’d write it again. But I still love it.

   After To go down with the Sun I wrote the fic that I hold the least emotional value to, Earning a weasel’s trust. The story is cute and short (11 000 words). It was a nice little project focusing on Temari’s motherhood to Shikadai that I wrote in a week. It got close to no feedback or attention, but it didn’t make me sad, because I needed to write and share that story and then move on with my life. I am though happy I wrote it.

At this time in my creative process I had been really lonely. It had been me with my own head and the characters. I had no beta reader and no one to bounce off ideas or anything. I had no fandom friends. I am still amazed I had written around 130k words without almost any support whatsoever in the span of four months.

This all changed in late December 2019. I found a Discord Server that I basically begged to get to be part of, and it really changed my fandom experience. Prior to this, my fandom experience had been lonely, and I just produced and consumed content. There was no interaction between anyone, except me replying to commentors.

And now, I found friends. I found people who loved the same pairing and show as I, and it felt almost life changing. This was the time when fandom really felt like… a hobby. A home. Before, it was a creative outlet, now it became a community.

I thrived.

The mod of this server @loknnica, hosted during this time a writing contest, which I eagerly wanted to take part of. I wrote my contest fic, Branded by Love, during January 2020, in which I made Shikamaru betray Konoha for Suna and Temari, and their son Shikadai became the One Tail jinchuuriki. The fic was 10k words long, and OUCH, the backstory I came up with. As soon as BbL was finished I decided that I wanted to write a long version of this canon divergence-world I had created.

In February 2020 I began writing Trial of the Heart, the epic version of Branded by Love. And damn, damn, damn what an epic story was born out of my fingers and brain. I love ToH, I loved what it turned out to be, a heart-wrenching and sad story of Shikamaru, Temari and Shikadai in a world of war.

While writing ToH the writing contest was ending and to my big, big delight, I WON! Branded by Love and I won the contest! This was precisely the boost I needed to really feel validated in my rather specific writing style and choice of plots.

I wrote ToH almost non-stop for four months, and in the beginning of June, the 28th chapter was uploaded. Trial of the Heart ended up being 123 000 words long. In four months, a whole damn NOVEL was created from my keyboard.

The pride, guys. The pride and joy I felt was like a drug injection.

Finishing off works is the greatest, greatest dose of motivation and pride. To write, write, write and finish. And let go of your work, to upload it with a great smile on your face.

During the spring and summer of 2019 three very important friends entered my life.

Vee (@veeganburger on twitter),

Becks (@notquitejiraiya on twitter)

Spooky (@spookymoth on twitter).

These three wonderful ladies really made me feel valid as a writer, and made me love my own work as well. During the spring To go down with the Sun had gained quite a lot of attraction, and the kudos and comments came. All the loneliness I had felt during the autumn was replaced by joy and love of sharing my works. These women have shared their thoughts of my work (and art) to me and I have also in privacy felt secure to talk with these women about nothing and all at once. They never fail to cheer me up.

I love you.

I had also gained the nickname “Shikadai’s tormentor” after multiple times forced that poor boy into horrible situations in my works. The user @shikanaradai’s nickname is Shikadai’s protector and we have an ongoing joke about being archenemies because of this. Ah. The fandom bubble was and is so lovely when you can experience inside jokes with friends. They became my friends, and I gained so much from this.

ANYHOW.

During Trial of the Heart I wrote a friendship between Shikadai and Inojin and I realised I missed writing them as a couple, like I had done in To go down with the Sun. With the support of Vee, who was really, really excited for a new fic where those two boys are a couple, I decided to write a sequel to To go down with the Sun, which I named To dance above the Stars.

In the wait before I began writing that one, I wrote two one shots, 48 hours to live – a next gen focused fic based on a manga chapter from the Boruto manga, and a pure Shikadai x Inojin one shot, I found love in the eyes of a boy, because at that time I knew already I had dug my own grave with that pairing.

I began writing To dance above the Stars in June 2020 and uploaded the first chapter at the end of the same month.

Simultaneously as I wrote Above the Stars I also wrote/edited three fics, one of them called The End, for an application to become a writer to the ShikaTema zine Everything I never knew I wanted. The results of the application came in the middle of July, when I had written a good chunk of Above the Stars.

I WAS ACCEPTED!

I am now officially one of the five writers for that zine!

To dance above the Stars got better recognition that I ever imagined. I was terrified that no one would want to read it, because it was a sequel and had very niched themes. A rare gay next gen pairing in focus and a story with extremely heavy emotional themes. I was so unsure anyone would want to read. The same feeling of loneliness that I had experienced during To go down with the Sun came back a little bit. That it in the end would be only me and my text.

How wrong I was.

To dance above the Stars got wonderful feedback, and more kudos than for example Trial of the Heart got. I received wonderful comments, and even fanart! I was so extremely happy and felt a new powerful emotion. It almost felt like my fic had its own little world in the world of fics, if that makes sense? Like a miniature fandom. During the late summer To go down with the Sun got translated into Russian by a wonderful reader of mine, enabling my texts to a wider audience, which I am extremely honoured by.

As I write this, it is September 2020. One year ago, I was writing Shadows and Sand and struggling through stringing English sentences together and that was also when “my” version of Shikadai was born. One year ago, I was writing what I to this day think is the best fighting scene I have ever written – and I write a lot of fight scenes. One year ago I was listening to “I just want to be brave” from the movie Lion King to get into Shikadai vibes and the mistake he did in that fic, a song I revisit for this reason time and time again.

I remember naively thinking that I will finish Shadows and Sand and then maybe write something else as well. Little did I then, in September 2019 know, that I would one year later have written closer to 400k words of fics, centred around Team 10 or around the Nara family. One year, almost four hundred thousand words.

Now, one year later I had won a writing contest, written three full length NOVELS as fics, been accepted to a wonderful zine, and found lovely, lovely friends. I even got crowned as a “Queen” for the Shikadai x Inojin ship, Shikajin as it is called, since I am one of the like three people who write for that ship, and have to this date written around 180k words for them. Which is a lot, haha!

I feel like I have conquered a tiny corner of the great fandom sandbox, and let me tell you, I thrive in my own corner. I might have few followers on twitter compared to many other creators, but I still want to provide content for those who want to see it. I might write rather niche works, but they filled a space where no fics were, and enriched the fandom in their own ways, even if I haven’t gotten tens of comments on each chapter. I have gotten around four comments each chapter, but it felt like okay.

I might not mod great zines like many of my friends do, something that did for a few months bring great stress into my fandom life. Am I a second-hand fandom member because I don’t want to moderate a zine, was something I often thought about. Am I lesser worth because I don’t do these amazing projects? No, I am not. And I feel very satisfied by just following my friends’ journeys and look at beautiful twitter accounts for zines.

I want to put my energy on writing intriguing plots and difficult fight scenes. Every fandom experience is valid.

In my heart I know my fics and content are good. Maybe not as good as native English writer’s content, but they’ve got a heart and soul on their own, and I really feel like I do have a Majsasaurus genre, trope or theme going on in my fics. And to be honest, I love it, and I accept that other people might not love it as much, or not at all. But it doesn’t matter. What I think of my own content matter.

  If any of you, who read this, have commented even once on one of my fics, thank you.

If any of you have ever interacted with me on twitter through comments, thanks you.

If any of you have pressed the follow button on either twitter or tumblr for me, thank you.

If any of you have left kudos to me, thank you.

If any of you have read my stuff but don’t want to comment because of different reasons, or if you feel shy to reach out, thank you for reading and I appreciate you as well.

 That was one hell of a Majsasaurus Year. Here’s to the next year. Cheers!

Thank you, all of you. You make my fandom experience complete.

 -        Majsasaurus Bex