#HELL YES I AM FUCKIN PSYCHED LETS DO THIS

[chaisshitposts]

EEEEEE I'M GONNA JUMP- So I saw your post about the psych-k as soon as you posted it but I'm some sort of a lazy person, so I always found excuses not to do it until I yanked myself yesterday night to do it, I kid you not it took me only 5 minutes for each crossed side before I felt a shift in my reality 🧍LIKE I ACTUALLY FELT A MINI FADE OUT THEN FADE IN, I knew this means it had been done, for context, I affirmed "I am a master manifester" for a couple of times, I didn't even pay attention to the left/right position, I just did what I thought it was true then affirmed, and of course I decided to try out once I untangled myself, I simply stated ONLY ONE TIME "I'll wake up at 10", and behold, the most lazy ass person who always wakes up at 12 magically woke up refreshed at 10🧍, AND GUESS WHAT ELSE? I MANIFESTED HAVING LONGER EYELASHES HELLO??? I'm gonna cry this is so real, it's like after I did this method I just thought "cool if I have long eyelashes", boom the next thing is I got longer lashes 🧍

Imma be getting in the void soon, I'll do the psych-k again for having the best VC ✨

ILL LET YOU KNOW WHENEVER I DID AND ILL MANIFEST FOR YOU GUYS TO ENTER EASILY TOO, LETS DO THISSSS 💗💗

So I want to clear some things up for people, if you say "how do I do it" just go with your instincts, that way your body is going in it's natural state, and, don't focus on feeling the shift, I was singing a song in my head while repeating the affirmation 💀✌️, and most important of all, YOU'RE GONNA DO IT, I BELIEVE YOU GUYS

LOTS OF LOVE TO YOU AND @urgurljodie

i am so excited for ya. like... words cannot explain how happy i am for ya— omg 🥺 careful now... if ya blink too fast ya might just fly away with them long ass lashes of yers and ya won't be able to post a void success story... 🕵️ /jk

HELL FUCKIN' YE YOU'RE GONNA WAKE UP IN THE VOID STATE SOON !!! NO DOUBT ABOUT IT!!! I BELIEVE IN YA ANON!!! YEEEEEE!! LETS FUCKIN' GOOOO!!!!!!!!!! WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!!!

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #096

(taken january 1st; uploading surveys taken while gone)

What is the best part of your life? I don't like that this is my answer, but Girt. Still working on my favorite part of my life being just myself and who I am and stuff...

Do you care about gun laws? I care VERY fucking much about gun laws and how fucking necessary it is to make firearms SO much less accessible.

Would you ever consider getting a facial piercing? I've had multiple and want to get my nostril re-pierced. Possibly some around my eye area IF I ever don't need glasses at some point in the future, but this is insanely unlikely because I hate contacts and don't care enough to get lasik surgery.

Do you listen to '80s metal? Haha hell yeah, '80s metal has a special place in my heart. I'm not as into classic rock/metal as I was in high school, but I absolutely still do love it and will happily listen to it.

Do you like acoustic or electric guitar better? Electric, absolutely. I just LOVE the sound of an electric guitar, mmf.

What was the last major city you visited? Raleigh.

Have you taken a painkiller today? Yes actually, I've been having tooth pain since my dentist appointment a good few days back and eventually really needed something.

Have you ever had a pumpkin latte and if so, did you like it? Nope, I hate coffee and I hate anything pumpkin-flavored.

Are you currently in a relationship? If so, do you think it will last? Yes, and complete, total honesty, yes, I do.

Have you ever been camping in the wilderness? No. I'd be totally willing to in an RV or something, but not a basic tent; I'd honestly be too nervous and also I know EXTREMELY uncomfortable, I don't handle being down on the floor well *at all* with my current physical shape.

Did your parents go to college? If so, what did they study? My dad didn't; I actually don't think he even finished high school? Mom did, for social work, but of course her cancer and Covid stopped her from getting a chance to intern somewhere and eventually get a job, even though she got her degree... That remains such, such a sore spot for her, and it breaks my heart. I just can't imagine being so close to what you wanted and then circumstances outside your control just ruin it.

Name the strangest game you’ve ever played (video game or real game): Haha honestly probably the original Silent Hill. The first time I played it with Jason, it twisted my mind into fuckin knots and it took a loooot of online reading and video-watching to make sense of it. I was hooked immediately.

Would you pay if your dog needed an operation? In the hypothetical situation that I had the money to save Cookie, of course I would. My mom loves her so much.

What’s the weirdest thing you’ve seen in a grocery store? A big container of literal fursuit heads lmfao, Wal-Mart is a lawless wasteland

Have you ever met any bands/band members before? No.

What states have you been to in the past year? I never left NC.

Have you ever fostered an animal? No, but it's a dream to rescue and raise an opossum one day.

Who did you last talk to in Facebook chat? Girt, very briefly. He just sent me a video.

What do you think of guys wearing colored skinny jeans? Guys, and everyone else, can wear whatever the fuck they want.

Would you ever get blonde highlights? Nah.

Will you go to your high school reunion? Hell no.

What animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? Well for the most part my mom has been very accepting of letting me adopt the pets I want so long as it's a reasonable time and we can provide for it, but there's one type of pet I've desperately wanted for multiple years now, tarantulas, but she absolutely refuses to let me have any while I live with her, lol.

Have you ever been in a hospital and not felt safe? Yup, most strongly the last time I was at the psych hospital. There was a man that regularly acted EXTREMELY predatory and I could not fucking believe how lenient the staff was at just letting him do his creepy fucking thing. I finally snapped the last day I was there because of this guy and sincerely feared I was about to be assaulted.

What’s the highest fever you’ve ever had? I have no idea; I have fevers so incredibly rarely.

One thing you promised yourself you’d never do and then did? Be able to love anybody again after Jason. I was so, so, so fucking positive that it was absolutely impossible.

Have you ever had to call 911? Twice for my mom, yes. I feel like I may be forgetting a third instance...

Do you get along with your significant other’s friends? To be honest I don't know many of his current friends; we had a lot of mutual friends in HS, but both of us have really drifted away from them. His best friend Taylor currently lives with him, whom I've met before and gotten on with fine, but we don't really interact much; even at Girt's house, he has his own room and does his own thing in there most of the time. I've sorta interacted with some gaming friends of his before, and apparently they really like me and I think they seem nice too, so I guess you could say I do "get along" with them.

Are you one of those people who will not use a public washroom? I try VERY hard not to, but if not going is seriously going to impact my comfort, then yes I'm going to use one.

What is something that you do often with your family? Nothing, honestly...

Do you enjoy the sound of crickets at night and birds in the morning? YES!!!

Do you need a haircut? I'm ready for a trim, yes. I know I'm ready once my hair starts regularly tickling my neck.

What is the most expensive gift you have ever given someone? The promise ring I got Sara LMFAO oops, that was a terrible choice

Have you ever taken pictures in a photo booth? Yes, I know I have with Summer as well as once with Jason on my 16th birthday.

Do you feel bad when you kill bugs? Yes. I try to avoid killing them.

Do you like animal print things? I don't.

Do you have any pets that you had since you were born? Oh definitely not. The dog my parents had when I was born died before I was even one, I think. I have zero memories of her.

Are all your pets micro chipped? I highly doubt Crystal ever micro-chipped Cookie, seeing as she came with her collar. Roman also isn't; he wears a collar, too. Venus is a snake so obviously this doesn't apply to her. ... Unless snakes can be micro-chipped?? idk

Would you ever cope in a jail? No; full transparency, I would kill myself, and I know that with pretty much absolute certainty.

Have you ever seen an alligator in person? Yes; multiple times at the zoo and at least once in the wild, though I'm pretty much positive it was an alligator that escaped the local (and very nearby) zoo that had recently been destroyed by Hurricane Floyd.

Are you a liberal? I honestly don't know if that titles totally fits me, but I can tell you I am way, way more politically left than anywhere near right.

Were you fearless or a coward in the face of the child hunter in Chitty Chitty Bang Bang? OH MY GOOOOOOOD I forgot about him, he absolutely scared me, lol.

Did you ever hit anything while learning to drive? I wish I was exaggerating, but I IMMEDIATELY hit a curb. In the fucking parking lot where I started, lmfao.

Have you or a pet ever gotten a tapeworm? *I* would rather fucking die than have a tapeworm; when I was younger, I was always SO paranoid I'd somehow gotten one. I've always been absolutely petrified of internal parasites. I've never had a pet with one, either. Thank fucking god because I would puke.

Do you know any furries? Yes; the roommates Jason and I housed with in the apartment were both furries. Jacob is still my friend (at least, we're on each other's FBs and will rarely interact), but he broke up with Amanda maaaaany years ago, and I never spoke to her afterwards.

Do you snore? Steal the covers? Roll around in your sleep? I rarely snore, but I know I do move a lot and absolutely steal the covers; Girt is also a blanket hog though so I'm very thankful I got a bigger comforter for Christmas, haha.

Is the lion the best character in The Wizard of Oz? I think I liked the scarecrow most.

Would you immediately look for someone right after you broke up with your bf/gf? No; it would absolutely take a lot of time to get over Girt.

Have you ever studied any new age or occult religions such as Wicca? I've researched them to some extent, yes.

Do you want someone aggressive or passive in bed? I am the most bottom motherfucker you will ever meet so do the math lmfao BUT I will add there is absolutely such a thing as being too aggressive to where I'm not into it.

Are you someone who actually likes to babysit children? No. I only "help" my mom watch my sister's kids because she's the primary caregiver and the one who really handles things. I'm just there to engage with the kids when they want to.

Do you find any of your friends’ parents creepy or really mean? Well we haven't been friends for many years, but I thought Colleen's father-in-law was SUPER fucking creepy, and turns out he had gross sexual tendencies anyway.

Who did you last have over your house, and why were they there? Tobey came for dinner a few nights ago.

Recently, who in your house has gotten on your nerves the most? I only live with my mom, and we've been doing fine. She got under my skin last night, but I'm over it.

Ever kissed a friend’s crush? No.

If something was wrong who is the first girl you would go to? My mom.

What do you dislike about your smile? I feel like my eyes squint too much and I just look high.

Have you ever kissed in the snow? I don't believe I have.

Have you ever liked a football player? No. Jocks have never been my thing.

Has the last person you kissed taken their shirt off in front of you? Yeah.

Are you good at hiding your feelings? NO.

When was your first kiss? It was like a month into me being 16.

What’s your most popular post? On my old Tumblr it would pretty much definitely be the gif I made of Markiplier and his dog Chica that basically went viral in the fanbase.

Is anyone in your family over six feet tall? I'm quite positive my brother is, at least. Maybe my dad, idk.

Has anyone lost their virginity to you? No.

What improvement would be the most beneficial to your life right now? My legs recovering would probably be it. It severely affects so many areas of my life. I'm finally getting better about using the bike, though...

Have you ever merged finances with a significant other? No.

What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? Uh, somewhere around 120, which I woulda fucking killed to be again for years until I semi-recently learned my very base adult weight is like 160; going below that would, for my basic body composition, be emaciation. How the hell a scale told the doctor that, I don't know, I just trust them with the explanation that the scale was thousands of dollars and just super advanced.

What were your high school’s team colors? Red and white.

Who were your best friends in high school? Jason, Hannia, Girt, Summer... I had a good number of close friends.

Have you ever been to Chicago? If yes, what do you like best about it? Once, when I visited Sara. It was just so, SO different from what I'm used to; I don't generally like cities, but visiting one briefly was nevertheless super cool. I just liked all the lights and activity, and seeing how tall the Willis Tower really is. Like even craning your neck fully back, you can't see the top.

Are you close with your cousins? Nope.

Are you close to any aunts or uncles? Also no, not really.

What was your favorite thing to do at sleepovers when you were younger? Uh, probably swim if a pool was available and it was a good time of year. I liked doing a variety of things, like playing pretend, too.

Does your town have a big fountain in it? Yeah, we have a city park not far from here that has a fountain in the lake.

What’s your favorite rock band? SOBS Rammstein if that's the genre you wanna put 'em in.

Who’s your favorite country singer? I tend to like Tim McGraw songs, but I think Carrie Underwood has the best voice out of the country vocalists I've heard.

Has your hair color changed since you were a toddler? Yes; my hair was dirty blonde as a kid.

[sunmoonandeddie]

who you are and who you’ve been

pairing: bucky barnes x reader

word count: 8,490

summary: Sometimes love takes a little longer to find you.

warnings: SMUT.  Mention of past abusive relationship, drinking, swearing.

a/n:  Thank you so much to @zeilenkrieg for commissioning this and being so patient while I wrote it!!

“Mama!  Mama!  You here?”

You sighed as you looked up from your coffee, seeing your daughter coming through the living room.  She had on that pair of daisy dukes that she stole from your wardrobe—the ones you used to wear in the heat of summer, a white shirt tied to let the sun on your tummy.  You used to scandalize your own mama with that outfit… 

You had argued with her that she had worn the same kind of outfit back in the seventies, and that vintage was in.  But she liked to wear hers with cowboy boots and you preferred it with a good pair of sneakers.

God, you missed being young…  Your twenties had been absolutely wild, even if they had started out with that horrible pandemic in 2020.

You still washed your hands after touching almost anything.  An instinct that never went away.

That year and the couple years before had been… insane.  But at least it incited real change in the world.  The people had learned from their mistakes, at least for now.

History did have a habit of repeating itself.  Humans were fickle, forgetful creatures like that.

“Yes, honey bun?” You said as you stood up, moving to hug her.

At thirty-seven years old, she was the only good thing that ever came out of your marriage.  That, and knowing how to wash blood out of clothing.

The only problem was that by the time you’d finally left him, you had no friends left.  You were in your forties by then, with no family besides your daughter, and no friends left to speak of.  You hadn’t even had Facebook at the time to keep in touch with old schoolmates from university.  And by then, what was the point?  They were all leading completely different lives and probably hadn’t spared you a thought in at least a decade.

“When’s the last time you left the house?” She asked, her hands on her hips in a stance that reminded you so much of yourself that it scared you.

Now that… that was hard to answer…  You honestly didn’t think you’d be able to remember.  You got practically everything delivered, you worked from home… 

Shaking your thoughts away, you shot her a look.  “I’m fine right where I am.”

“Your doctor called and said you haven’t been taking your medication.”

“Fuckin’ snitch,” you scoffed, rolling your eyes as you turned back to the window, staring down at the now cold coffee.

Josephine rolled her eyes.  “He said you haven’t picked up your refill in over two months.”  She came over to stand next to you, staring out the window with you for a long time.  “Mama, you’ve gotta take your medicine…  You remember what happened last time…”

Ah, yes, the infamous incident.

Which was an incident in a long line of incidents.

There had been a… few times when you’d stopped taking your medication—either intentionally or simply because you had forgotten—and it had resulted in a stay in the psych ward at the local hospital.  It had happened far too many times for your daughter to not be in contact with your doctor so she would be informed if you had stopped getting your refills.

You didn’t blame her, of course.  But it did make you feel like a horrible mother.  One who couldn’t even take care of herself to the point where your daughter had to.

“Yes, I remember last time,” you sighed, staring at a cardinal.  “You know, my mama used to tell me that if you see a cardinal, a loved one who’s passed is visiting you…”

“Mama, I signed you up for a seniors’ social club.”

You blinked.

And then, you blinked again.

You turned to look at your daughter, disbelief written all over your face.  “No the fuck you did not.  I swear to all that is holy, Josephine Ann, if you signed me up for one of those… those… pre-death support groups, I’ll tan your hide!”  You gasped as some of your coffee splashed onto your sweatshirt.  “I brought you into this world, and I sure as hell can take you out of it!”

“You’ve been saying that since I was two,” She said, taking your arm and guiding you to sit down at the kitchen table.  “And it’s not a pre-death support group.  I feel like that’s offensive somewhere so make sure you don’t go running around the group saying that.”  Josephine used a paper napkin to dab at the coffee on your sweatshirt, muttering about throwing it into the wash and getting you a new one.

This was what you meant by your daughter taking care of you.

“Josie, really, I can get my own sweatshirt.”

“Doesn’t mean you gotta,” she said as she came back with a new one, helping you change.

Sometimes you felt like she thought you were a hundred years old.

“Honestly, mama…  I just want you to be happy…  You should have friends.  You shouldn’t be cooped up in this house all day, all the time.”

“What do I need friends for when I’ve got you?  And Danny?” You asked.

But you had been hit with the sudden reality that except for Josephine and her girlfriend, you were alone.  Completely, and utterly, alone.  Hell, they were the only people you had ever invited over to the tiny one bedroom you owned.

Repairmen didn’t count because they were there to do a job, not keep you company.

God, you had wanted more than this, once upon a time.  You had once had dreams, of maybe being a writer and making the New York Times’ Bestsellers List, of a husband who adored you and brought you flowers every Friday, of lazy Sundays eating waffles on the couch with the love of your life.

But life didn’t end up the way you had dreamed it.  There were no book signings or meetings with editors… there were no gardenias… and there was no smell of waffles and syrup.

And you’d made your peace with that.

Sort of.

Josephine’s arms wrapped around you as she rested her head against yours.  Like a mirror of yourself, she was, from her face down to her toes.

Thank god.  She didn’t deserve to have to look in the mirror and see reflections of her father.

“Will you at least try it?” She asked gently, her hand running up and down your arm, her freshly manicured nails tickling your skin.  “It’s not like a pre-death support group, as you call it…  It’s for seniors or people who are approaching seniority and are still active and want to go out and have fun, but maybe need some friends to do it with.  Please?”

And how could you say no when she wanted something so badly?

“Alright,” you said after a moment.  “I’ll go once.  And if it’s horrible, I’m not going back.  And I’m gonna tell Danny how you forced me to meet a bunch of strangers.”

She squealed excitedly, running off to your bedroom and going through your closet.  “Okay, the first thing the group is doing is having a first meeting at a bar, and we’re gonna get you all done up.”

Oh, good.  She was going all in.

“When’s the first meeting?” You asked as you sat on the bed, leaning back on your hands as you watched her.

“Tonight.”

Uh.  What?

“TONIGHT?!” You shouted in shock as you jumped up.  “What?!  You didn’t think to ask me about this a few days ago?!”

She snorted, picking out a few tops that you hadn’t worn in what felt like decades.  “I signed you up this morning, I didn’t know about it a few days ago.”

You watched in exasperation as she threw article after article of clothing onto the bed for you to try on.  “I don’t think I need to wear four pairs of jeans to a bar,” you said, beginning to pick up a few of the pieces.

Josephine gave you a look as she continued.  “Considering how long it’s been since you’ve been out, I think it’s fair that some of these might not fit anymore.”

Well, you had lost some weight…  Not necessarily in a healthy way, but she was right.

In the end, she ended up shoving you into the bathroom and forced you to do a full shower—which meant body and hair.

You hadn’t even gone to such lengths when you were going on your first date with her father.

She spent hours on your hair and makeup, chattering away excitedly about the vacation her and Danny were planning.  A South American cruise.

Josephine had never married, never had kids.  Never wanted to after seeing what her daddy had put you through.  It left a sour taste in her mouth, and even though it was legal now, her and her girlfriend hadn’t breathed a word of a wedding.

Though, you suppose they had a common law marriage at that point, if lesbians were included in it.

“Perfect,” she said as she got you to slip on an old jacket of yours that was a little too big.  “Come on.  I’ll drive you and pick you up.”

“Oh, honestly,” you snorted as you grabbed the purse Josephine had shoved all your things into.  “You’d think I could take an Uber.”

The bar wasn’t what you had expected when she had first told you that’s where the meeting was going to be held.  The last bars you’d been to had practically been nightclubs.

But this was… upscale.  Sophisticated.

Now you understood just why she had put so much work into making you look presentable.

It didn’t look like anyone else was there yet, even though most of the patrons were around your age, so you took a seat at the bar, the group’s site pulled up on your phone.

“What can I get for you, miss?” The bartender asked as he set down a coaster in front of you.

A snort erupts from your throat as you look at him.  “You always call women as old as me miss?”

“Oh, come on, you’re a catch,” he said, shooting you a playful wink.  “My dad’s single, you know.  If you were… looking.”

“Thank you, but I’m not,” you said gently, your cheeks flushed.  “Can I get a Manhattan?”

The bartender nodded, gracefully backing off the subject of you possibly dating his father.  And barely a minute and a half later, there’s a perfectly made Manhattan set on your coaster.

You’d barely taken a sip before someone came up beside you.  “Do you have Macallan’s 18 Year Sherry Oak?” A man asked.  At the bartenders confirmation, he hummed.  “Can I get a double on the rocks?”

The bartender dropped a large ball of ice into a glass before pouring two shots of whiskey over it and handing it to the man.

“Macallan’s, huh?” You said softly, your heart pounding.  Josephine had told you to make friends.  That was the whole point of this, even if the man wasn’t part of the social club you’d been forced into.  “You know your whiskeys.”

The tall man took a seat beside you, his eyes boring into the side of your face.  You hadn’t dared look at him yet.  “I’ve always preferred those who choose a Manhattan over a martini any day.”

“And why is that?” You asked, finally looking up at him.

And oh, you wished you hadn’t.  He was… stunning.  The very definition of male beauty.  His salt and pepper hair reminded you of the photos of the men in the forties…  The 1940s, that is.  Blue eyes so striking that you lost your breath, and broad shoulders that you knew would haunt your dreams.  He was wearing a glove on his left hand for some reason, but you didn’t linger on it too long.

But at least he was at least your age, if not a little older.  You’d die if you’d just sort of flirted with a twenty-something asshole who just bought expensive whiskeys for the sake of buying expensive whiskeys to show that he had money to blow.

“Martini drinkers think they’ll get some kind of award for their choice of drink,” he said, “as though choosing a drink that generally tastes like shit is some kind of accomplishment.  Unless you’re just taking a shot, a drink should taste good.”  He looked you up and down, letting his pretty blues linger on your lips.  There were faint crow feet at the corners of his eyes, but they just seemed to make him even more handsome.  “And a Manhattan doesn’t need a fancy whiskey.  It is steady and sure even with the cheapest five dollar bottle you can get from a gas station.  Someone whose drink of choice is a Manhattan is sure of who they are and what they want.”

You hadn’t felt this hot under a man’s gaze in decades.  “Really?”  Swallowing around the lump in your throat, you took another sip of your drink to buy you a moment.

“Mmm…”  He stole one of the two cherries from your drink, biting it off the stem.  You were transfixed as he slipped the stem into his mouth, sticking his tongue out about thirty seconds later with a perfect cherry stem knot on display.  “Really.  I’m James.  What’s your name?”

Butterflies filled your stomach as you gave him your name.  God, you felt like you were sixteen again and being flirted with for the first time.

His eyes flicked down to your open phone that rested on the bar, the social club’s page still up.  “You’re here for the meeting, too?”

“Um…  Yes,” you said, ducking your head.

“But, doll…”  He leaned towards you, a charming smile on his lips.  “You don’t look a day over thirty-five.  Are you sure you’re a senior?”

Blinking, your mouth hung open in a soft o.  “Are you planning on flirting with every woman in the club like this?”

James looked around dramatically, his gloved hand resting over his heart.  “A club?!  Is that what you call this place?” He asked, mockingly serious.  “Damn, what does that make all those dirty, gross places these young kids go to now?  Brothels?”

For some reason, you felt comfortable enough to shove his shoulder, surprised a little at the feeling of metal under his jacket sleeve.

For the first time, he looked a bit… uncomfortable.  He had flinched a bit, his bright eyes focused surely on his drink.  “Um…”

“You’re the Winter Soldier.  James Barnes,” you said curiously, your head tilting to the side as you looked at him.  “I thought I recognized you from somewhere.”

“Is that a bad thing?”

“No.”

“You sure?”

“Mmhm,” you drawled, taking the cherry left in your drink and biting it off in a way that you hoped was alluring.  “Though, I gotta say, it is a bit awkward to meet the man I wrote two papers about in high school.”

Shit, his laugh was beautiful.  Everything about him was beautiful.  Like Apollo or something...

James’s head was thrown back in laughter.  His cheeks were flushed, his eyes squeezed shut.  “Did you actually write two papers about me?” He asked as he tried to catch his breath.  At your nod, he smirked, leaning in close again.  “What did you write about?  How devilishly handsome I am?”

You couldn’t believe you were saying this.  “I mean, I can show you the papers and actually let you read them, but they’re at my place.”

Before he could pick his jaw up off the ground, there were other seniors in the group coming up to greet you.  Your throat was dry as the Sahara as you turned to face them, plastering on a smile as you tried to ignore the heated gaze on your face and the way he licked his lips.

The meeting was… long.  Boring.

Or at least, that’s how it felt when you had James’s dark, sultry eyes on you the entire goddamn time.

Mind fuzzy, you vaguely remembered agreeing to come to the next meeting, and even signing up for a hiking trip they were taking the next weekend.

As you headed outside, you felt Bucky’s hand slip into yours, his long, calloused fingers intertwining with yours.  “So…  Am I gonna get to come over and… read those papers?” He murmured, his lips brushing against your ear.

God, you could practically feel yourself bursting into flames.  You weren’t gonna survive.

Thank god your daughter had forced you into a full shower.

But what about how dirty your house was sure to be?

“Um…  Y-Yeah,” you said as you turned to look at him.  “But, my daughter is gonna be driving me home…  I don’t want her to know I’ve got someone coming over.  She’s nosey.  Real…  Real nosey.”

“Of course, darlin,’” he chuckled.  “Here, why don’t I give you my phone number, and you shoot me a text with your address when you’re ready for me to come over?”

Your head was swirling as you got into your daughter’s car, your phone burning a hole in your purse.

“How was it?” Josephine asked nervously once you got about halfway home.  She couldn’t tell from the look on your face.  “Did you like it?”

“Hm?  Yeah.”  Swallowing, you shot a text to James with your name, telling him you’d text him when it was all clear.

“Are you gonna go again?”

“Yeah.”

“Really?”

“Yeah.”

She seemed both dissatisfied and pleased by your vague answers.  At least you were getting out of the house.

Once you got home and said goodbye, it was a mad dash to ensure that your house was clean as could be.  Josie had put in some work while you’d been gone, it seemed.  She’d done the dishes and the laundry, as well as dusted.

Thank fuck.

You struggled for a solid twenty minutes to put fresh sheets and pillowcases on the bed, lighting two candles and placing them in a manner that you hoped seemed natural.

“Shit,” you cursed as you smelled under your arms.

Okay, quick body shower.  It seemed all that flirting had made you a tiny bit sweaty.

You turned the water to scalding and scrubbed your body down, exfoliating and using your best scented body wash.

And to be quite frank, you’d never shaved your lady bits as quick as that.

As you texted him your address and that it was safe to come over, you pulled on your clothing from the bar (though, you did put on nicer, matching lingerie underneath.)  By the time he’d gotten there, you’d downed two shots of tequila for a bit of liquid courage and had poured yourself a glass of wine.

“Hey, baby doll,” he said, a crooked grin on his face as you welcomed him inside.  His glove had been abandoned, and black metal fingers lined with gold glittered in the light.  “Woah…  You know, I wasn’t sure how your place was gonna look, but this is very… you.”

“Oh, really?” You asked as you offered him a glass of wine, which he gratefully took.  “How so?”

“I don’t know,” he chuckled as he swirled the deep red liquid in its glass.  “It’s cozy.  Sweet.”

Your throat was dry as you watched his adam’s apple bob as he took a drink.  “Um… so those papers…”

Bucky whispered your name, moving closer to you as he set the wine glass down on the counter.  “Baby girl, I’m not really here for the papers, am I?” He asked as your back hit the island.  “If I am…  If I am, then just tell me, and I’ll stop this.”  His slightly chapped lips ghosted against yours like the tease he was.  “Am I here just for the papers?”

“No,” you breathed out, before pressing your lips against his in a firm kiss at last.  His breath was minty and cool, with just a touch of the wine you’d been sharing, like he’d brushed his teeth before coming over just like you had.

Could it be possible he was just as nervous as you were?

But he was perfect?  Why the hell would he be nervous?

Your thoughts were cut short as he reached down, his hands firmly grabbing your ass as he lifted you up and set you on the counter.  “That’s a good girl,” he growled as he kissed down your neck, his hands working at your blouse.  “Couldn’t stop thinking about you during that whole stupid fucking meeting.  Just wanted to kiss you.  Just wanted to… to touch you.”  He pulled back, kissing you fiercely as his hands moved from your blouse to hold your face again.  “You gonna let me touch you, angel?”

A whine escaped your throat as you nodded, desperately yanking at his shirt.  Once it was off, you didn’t hesitate to run your hands over the broad planes of his chest.  He wasn’t quite as toned as you remembered from when you were younger, when you used to (occasionally) stalk (lightly) his social media accounts.  There’d been so many pictures of him on vacation with the other Avengers… all tanned and toned…

But you liked this better.  There was a softness to him now, a gentleness.

You were so distracted by his physique that you didn’t notice he’d gotten your shirt and bra off until the cold air hit your chest.  “Fuck,” you mumbled as his lips found your neck, trailing down to your breasts.

You couldn’t remember the last time you’d been kissed, let alone the last time you’d had such… attention.

Especially when his hands worked your pants off and he stood between your legs, moaning as his fingers tickled your thighs.  “You’re so beautiful,” he said as his lips wrapped around one nipple, suckling at it and teasing until it was diamond hard, and he moved on to the other.

Gotta be fair, after all.

“James…”

“Fuck, baby girl…  Never been with a woman as beautiful as you,” he growled, kissing down your tummy.  “You’re not making it out of here without orgasming at least twice,” he warned jokingly.  He was half bent over in front of the island, watching in wonder as he slowly pulled your silk panties down your legs and revealed your aching core to him.

“I-If you’re not comfortable standing like that, w-we can move somewhere else,” you stammered, suddenly growing self conscious.  What if he thought your pussy was weird?  Granted, you’d overcome thinking that when you were in your early twenties, after learning that each one looked different.

But he was born in the forties.

But that meant he’d probably seen an exponential amount of pussies!

Oh, god, there was no way you’d have anywhere near as much experience as him.  The only person you’d ever been with was your ex husband, and he wasn’t exactly the paradigm of lovers.

“Hey.”

You refocused with a shake of your head, your eyes meeting James’s.  “Yes?”

“You’re in your head,” he said softly, his forehead resting against yours as he slowly ran his fingers along your sensitive folds.  “There’s no need…  It’s just you and me, okay?  And you’re absolutely perfect.”

Your heart was melting inside your chest as you nodded, stealing a tentative kiss.  “Okay…  Just you and me.”

James nipped at your lower lip as he lifted you up, wrapping your legs around his waist.  “Come on.  I don’t want our first time to be on a kitchen counter.  Though I make no promises I won’t help christen every inch of this house after,” he said with a playful growl.

You whispered directions to your bedroom as he held you tight to his chest, his lips finding purchase on your neck.  “And here I thought you said the super soldier serum was wearing off,” you joked.

The man snorted as he pushed you up against the hallway wall.  “Trust me, doll, no lack of super soldier serum is gonna stop me from fucking you right,” he said, his voice husky and deep.

Before you could even open your mouth to reply, two thick fingers were slipping inside of you to slowly tease your cunt, his lips ghosting over yours.  “Does that feel good, sweetheart?”

You couldn’t find it in you to be embarrassed at the whimper that fell from your lips.  “Y-Yes.  Yes.  Please, I need more, James…”

James smiled into the kisses he’d been giving you.  “I’ll give you everything you want.”

“That’s a tall order.”  You threaded your fingers through his hair, shivering at the way his metal fingers dug into the plumpness of your ass.  “You sure you can fill it?”

He doesn’t respond with words, growling as he kisses you fiercely, carrying you to the bedroom.  You don’t have time to think before he’s crawling over you and kissing up your tummy to your lips.  “I need to be inside you,” He whispered as he stroked his length.

“Please…  Don’t wanna wait anymore,” you said.  Vaguely, you’re aware of the twinge in your knees from all the physical activity, and you knew you’d be sore as hell in the morning.

Fucking worth it, though.

James didn’t hesitate to line himself up, the head of his cock pressing against your entrance.  When he finally pushed in, unison moans fill the air.

“I…  I haven’t done this in… so long,” you finally admitted as he slowly pushed in more, taking his time.  Eyes locked, your mouth fell open in a soft ‘o’ as he bottomed out, his hips meeting yours.  “Oh, fuck…”

“Then I better do a real good job fucking you right.”

You weren’t quite sure how long you two lasted, but you do know he manages to pull three orgasms out of you in the space of just a few hours.  There’s snack and water breaks in between rounds, his cool metal hand running up and down your spine to cool you down as you two whisper in the dim light of your desk lamp.

You can’t remember a time that you’d felt so at peace.

A spark had been lit inside your chest as you two laid there in bed, legs intertwined.  Both of you were quiet, his fingers moving to caress your cheek.

There were no words that needed to be said.

His sea blue eyes are sparkling in the dim light, and your hand runs over the sharp stubble that lines his jaw.  It had certainly marked up your neck.

“I had intended on asking you on a date,” he said quietly as his hand found yours, bringing it to his mouth.  Chapped lips kissed each of your knuckles like you were something precious, something to behold.  “I didn’t think the five minutes or so before the meeting counted…  But I’d still like to take you on that date, if you’ll let me.”

“That sounds nice,” you said, a grin twinging at the corners of your lips.

“Yeah?” He asked, sitting up a bit as his fingers brushed against your forehead.

“Yeah.”  A giggle escaped your lips as he playfully tackled you, starting yet another round as his hips rolled down against yours.

The next morning, you woke up alone.  The sheets beside you were mussed, though the space James had been occupying was still a bit warm.

Jazz music floated down the hall, through the cracked door, and you could vaguely hear the clinking of pans.

It took you a minute to gather the will to get yourself out of bed and find your robe, but you finally did it.  As your feet hit the ground and you pushed yourself to a stand, you winced.

You had been right about feeling it in your knees.

You forced yourself to walk smoothly down the hall, despite how much it hurt.  Embarrassing yourself in front of James was the last fucking thing you wanted to do.

He was in the kitchen, standing in front of the stove and humming along with the old jazz song playing on the Bluetooth speaker.  He had a pan full of pancake batter in front of him, a whole stack he’d already made on the side.

Standing in the doorway, you couldn’t help but grin as you watched him.  He’s so handsome… and he seemed so at home in your kitchen.  In your home.

Maybe he’d like to move in…

You shook your head, knowing that it’s already too much.

But the thought was nice.

Him in his pajamas, making coffee…  Him in your shower…  Him in your bed every night…  

Yeah.  It’s a really, really nice thought.

“Hi.”

James jumped, his eyes wide as he whirled round to face you.  “Hi.  I thought I had another thirty minutes before I had to go and wake you up,” he said.  “I’m making pancakes.  For you.  For us.”  His cheeks flushed, turning a bright red as he turned back to the pan to quickly flip the pancake.  “I hope you don’t mind that I used your flour and shit…”

“Oh, no, I…  I almost never cook,” you admitted as you moved over to stand next to him, watching as he made two more pancakes.

As he carried the huge plate to the kitchen island, he teasingly grabbed your ass and squeezed.  “Maybe I’ll have to stay the night more often, if only so you get a homemade breakfast.”

It was sweet, and domestic, and somewhat terrifying.

You hadn’t had a man do anything for you like this since you were in your twenties, when your husband was still sweet and loving.

But even so, this was somehow better than anytime your husband made his famous burritos.

Maybe because James’s cooking actually tasted good.

Your first date was to a movie, a drive in.  Something that’s designed to be vintage but really just looked cheesy as all hell.

But it’s perfect.  Perfect and cheesy and romantic.

Your only complaint was that he didn’t kiss you at the door when he dropped you off.  He pressed his lips to your cheek and whispered a goodnight, and that was it.

It took two more dates within the same week for him to kiss you again.

Bright and early on the next Saturday morning, he knocked on your door, holding a bouquet of flowers.

“I figured I should make up for you having to be up so early with this,” he said as he came inside, kissing you quick before moving to put the flowers in a vase.

At this point, he knew your house almost as well as you did.  It felt good, when you two moved around like you were part of a team.

“Have you gotten your coffee this morning?” You asked, already pouring two travel mugs full of the good stuff.

He came up behind you, kissing your shoulder.  “I have, but you know I’ll never say no to more, doll.”

The rest of the group eyed you curiously as you got out of the same car, a few elbow nudges and whispers in the air.

“At least I know no old ass dickheads are gonna come hit on my girlfriend,” James growled in your ear, his calloused flesh hand squeezing your hip.

“Jamie…,” you whined, cheeks flushed in embarrassment.  No one had ever claimed you in such a way that made you feel so desired and… and worthy.

James made you feel worthy.

Which is something you’d only ever really gotten from your daughter.

It sent a bolt of arousal through you, and you were tempted to drag him back to the car so you could bring him right back home and do something about it.

Also…  Girlfriend?  Were you his girlfriend now?  Officially?

That just made you wanna find somewhere to fuck him even more.

But alas, you pushed the thought away as the lot of you boarded one of those white airport vans that took you out of the city to the closest state park.

“It’s beautiful,” you breathed out as you stared out the window, forehead pressed to the cool glass.  The morning air was a bit chillier than it had been lately, signaling the coming onslaught of winter.

Maybe Bucky would wanna make hot cocoa together… go sledding…  Would him, Josephine, and Danny would all come over for Christmas and New Years and—

Would he even want to meet Josephine?

Would Josie wanna meet him?

She had no idea that you’d found a—A boyfriend?

“Not as beautiful as you,” Bucky murmured against the shell of your ear as his vibranium fingers intertwined with yours and squeezed.  His stubble tickled your neck as he rested his head on your shoulder, watching the passing scenery with you.  “I’m really glad I met you, doll…”

“Me, too,” you said, grinning as you squeezed his hand back and leaned your head against his.

It was strange, falling so hard for someone so quick after everything you’d been through.

But you had a gut feeling.  One that you had never had with your ex husband.

James was a good one.  A really, really good one.

That reminded you.

When were you meant to tell him about all the shit you’d been through?

Despite the amount of time you had spent together already, you hadn’t found the courage for it.

Soon, you decided.

But first, you had to get through the damn hike.

Bucky was glued to your side the entire time, even though you were a lot worse at hiking than he was.  He would hold your hand, guiding you anytime there was a fallen tree or a creek.  His blue eyes were soft as he murmured encouragement, quietly praising your every move.

It was intoxicating.

So when you two fell behind from the group, watching them go around a curve and down a hill, you dragged James behind a large rock formation.

“Baby doll?  Darling, what the hell are you doing?” He laughed as you pressed a fierce kiss to his lips.

“Can’t a girl be spontaneous?” You teased as you dropped to your knees, ignoring the way a twig was poking into your left knee.  “Need to taste you.”

His eyes locked on you as you worked at his jeans, getting them down and off, his nails scratching at your scalp as he got a good grip on your head.  “Fuck…  Are you really this needy for me, angel?  Fuck, you’re so god damn gorgeous…  Look at you.”

Your heart pounded against your rib cage as you finally freed his length, a grin on your lips as you wrapped your hand around him and slowly stroked him.

Bucky’s eyes rolled back as your mouth wrapped around the head of his cock.  “Fucking shit…  Good girl…  Suck me off real good, baby.”

The group probably would notice your absence, not that you particularly cared.

Not when you had your man so weak for you.  And all you’d had to do was get on your knees.

His metal and flesh hands guided you to take more of him in, going at a slow pace so as not to hurt you.  He was so big there was no way you’d get all of him down your throat but what you couldn’t take in your mouth, you pleasured with your hands.

Pleasuring your partner like this was addicting.  You’d never felt the desire—no, the incessant need—to please your ex husband.  All you could think about was getting Bucky off, making him feel so good that he couldn’t see or walk straight.

You choked around him as you took him as deep as possible, your eyes glassy.  When you popped off, you stroked him as you moved down to carefully suck at his balls, fighting a grin as he gasped, his hips stuttering.  Before he could orgasm, you took him back in your mouth, wanting to swallow him down.

“Fuck, fuck—  Oh, shit…  Baby—  I’m gonna…  I’m gonna—”  Bucky broke off with a shout as he came, spilling down your throat.  His large hands stroked your cheeks as you swallowed all of it, barring the little bit that had gotten on your lower lip.  “You did so good, darling,” he cooed as he helped you stand, pressing you against the rock behind him as he kissed you.  “Are you okay?  I didn’t hurt you, right?”

“No, you didn’t,” you said, a faint smile on your lips as you helped him put himself back away.  “You were perfect, James…”

When you finally caught up to the group, a few of the others shot you knowing looks.

But Bucky just had a satisfied smirk on his lips, his hand tightly intertwined with yours even as you flushed in embarrassment.

“Once we get home, it’s your turn,” he whispered in your ear as you all headed back for the van.

Your relationship with James was… wonderful.

It was easy in a way you’d never had before.

Within just two months, he was living at your house almost full time, to the point where you’d been thinking about asking him to move in.

It was like you two were magnets.  Even when you both had work to do, you did it in the same room, slowly gravitating towards each other until you were sitting close, your foot running up his calf.

And he’d gotten you to start writing.

“It’s your dream, doll.  You’re never too old to chase your dreams,” he said one night as you two laid in bed.  His metal fingers were tracing shapes on your spine, a chill from the cracked window ruffling his sweaty hair.  “If you don’t mind me asking…  Why did you stop in the first place?”

Ah.

The conversation you’d been avoiding for so long.

Sitting up, you pressed your hands to your face as you tried to find the words to say.  “Um…  I was married before…  I know you know, but, uh…”  Your fingers fiddled together nervously.  You swallowed around the lump in your throat.  “My husband…  He wasn’t…  He wasn’t nice.  At all.”

Bucky immediately sat up behind you, his vibranium hand resting flat on your back to reassure you that he was there, and to give you something to focus on while you spoke.  He didn’t need to speak for you to know.  He was there and he wasn’t running.

“I married him young… and I had Josephine young…  He’d always been so… possessive, but I just considered it protective,” you continued, pulling strength from his touch to keep on going.  You needed to tell him this.  You needed him to understand.  “Then after Josie was born, he started getting violent.  He’d always been mean, but he’d never hit me until after I gave birth…”

James was tense behind you, slowly scooting over so he could wrap his arms around you, his legs resting on either side of yours as he held you.  He needed you close.  Needed to know you were safe in his arms and that man was long gone.

“Put me in the hospital a few times…  He at least didn’t do it in front of Josie.  That’s the one thing I asked of him that he listened to.”  You couldn’t help but snort as you slowly relaxed back against him.  “She always thought all the bruises and shit was just a side effect of how clumsy I am…  But she came home one day during college, to surprise us…  She walked in on him holding a frying pan above his head, about to swing again.  She jumped in between us and told him if he ever touched me again, she’d kill him.”  You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding as his lips pressed to your bare shoulder.  It was soothing, feeling his skin against yours.  “She moved me out of that house and into her apartment, helped me get the divorce, get back on my feet…”

“Remind me to tell Josephine thank you,” he said quietly as he squeezed you close.  “Thank you for telling me, doll…  I…  I can’t imagine how hard that was…  But he’ll never touch you again.  No one will ever touch you again if you don’t want it.”

“I know.”

He nuzzled into your hair, breathing in the scent of your shampoo.  “I love you.  So much…”

A peace settled over you as you rested your head back against his, allowing yourself to truly fall into him, to relax.  “And I love you…”

After that night, Bucky slept over at your place five to six nights a week, only going home to get more clothes and do his laundry really, even though you’d told him a million times he could do it at your place.

“Wake up, sweetheart,” he murmured in your ear one morning, pushing your hair away from your face.  “Time to get up…  I’ve got breakfast ready for you…”

Groaning, you tried to pull him down for more cuddle time, but he wasn’t having it.  He always woke up before you, too many years a soldier coming into play.  He’d go for a run and make breakfast before waking you up.

“Come on, doll,” he chuckled, pressing a quick kiss to your lips as he got you to sit up, your vision blurry from sleep still.  “Medicine,” he said, pressing your pills into your palm and putting a glass of water in your other. 

Ever since he’d found out about your prescriptions and how you had a hard time remembering to take them, he’d taken it upon himself to make sure you did, every morning and night without fail.

“What’d you make this morning?” You asked sleepily after swallowing your pills, letting him pull you to your feet.  His t-shirt clung to you as you followed him down the hall.  Your hand was tucked into his as you rounded the corner to the kitchen.

What neither of you had heard was the sound of the front door opening.

“Mama?!  What the hell?!” Josephine demanded, standing in the kitchen with Danny right behind her.  “Who the fuck is this?!  What is he doing here?!”

Oh.

Yeah.

You’d neglected to tell your daughter, afraid of how she might take it.

“Hello.  I’m James.  Or Bucky,” your boyfriend said as he held out his hand to you, clearly unashamed and standing his ground even though he was only wearing a pair of pajama pants.

“What the fuck are you doing here?!” Your daughter repeated angrily, ignoring his hand.

“Josie,” Danny began, trying to soothe her.

But your daughter was nothing but determined when she was in her protective mode.

Before you could open your mouth, Bucky supplied, “I’m her boyfriend.”

You felt a flush coming over you as she stared at the two of you, slack-jawed.  “He is,” you said, wrapping both of your arms around his metal one.  You were so nervous, you were shaking.

“When did this happen?!” She demanded, beginning to pace back and forth around the kitchen.

“Um…  The first meeting at the bar… for the club,” you said.  Seeing her so upset made your anxiety spike, and you knew James could feel it, could hear the way your heart rate increased exponentially.

Josephine whirled on you, her eyes—so much like yours—wide with disbelief.  No.  Betrayal.  “You’ve been seeing someone for almost three months and you didn’t tell me?”

“I…”  Tears pricked your eyes as you tightened your grip on Bucky’s arm.  This was not the way you wanted them meeting to go.  “I was scared… of how you’d react…”

At that moment, Bucky turned to meet your eyes, his forehead almost pressing against yours.  “Darling, I feel like this is a conversation you two should have alone, yeah?  So I’m gonna take—Danny, right?  Yeah—Danny to the living room with some coffee so we can get to know each other, okay?”

After a nod, and a squeeze of his hand, he got two mugs of coffee and led your daughter’s girlfriend to the living room.  You could see them sitting down from the corner of your eyes, but you were much too focused on Josephine.

“Mama, I—”

“I love him,” you said, before she could say anything more.

Her eyes were shining, locked on you as she waited for you to speak.  In her gut, she knew this was something you needed to get out.

“I love him more than I’ve ever loved a man.  More than I loved your father,” you whispered, your voice cracking.  “And I know…  I know you’re as protective as you are because you saw how he treated me.  You saw how much I hid that he was hurting you, but Jamie isn’t like that.”  Your fingers fiddled as you tried to keep yourself from pacing.  “He’s kind and adoring and gentle and…  and he loves me.  More than I thought anyone could ever love me.  And I know you feel like you need to take care of me and I am so grateful.  And I still need you.  Everyday.  But Bucky…  I love him.  I love him and he loves me and we take care of each other.”

Josephine reached out, slowly taking your hands in hers.  “He…  He makes you happy?  He takes care of you and you’re safe?” She asked, voice trembling as a few tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Yeah.  He takes real good care of me,” you insisted with a weak laugh.  “And I’ve never been so happy before, honey.  I promise.”

“Okay…,” she said, taking a deep breath.  “I’m still giving him the shovel talk.”

Bucky looked up as Josephine entered the living room, looking much calmer.  He wasn’t sure what you’d said, but it had seemed to placate her for the time being.

“Can we talk outside?” She asked him, keeping her chin high.

God, she looked so much like you.

He nodded stiffly, getting to his feet and leaving his mug behind as he followed her to the front door and out onto the porch.  The former super soldier watched as she paced back and forth, biting her thumb.  “I’ve heard a lot about you,” he said finally, breaking the silence.

Josie stopped in her tracks, listening quietly.

“Your mama loves you something fierce.”  Nervously rubbing his hands on his pajama pants, he couldn’t remember the last time he’d been so nervous meeting a girl’s family.

Though, he supposed it was a bit different when it was meeting your girlfriend’s daughter.

“And I love her.”

Your daughter, your mini me, stared him directly in the eyes.  “I’m sure she’s told you about my father.  What he did.”

“She did.”

“So you know that if you put one fucking foot out of line, I’ll filet you?”

“I do.”

She eyed him for a long moment.  “What are you in this for?  What’s the long term?” She asked.  “I’ve heard of elders just… settling for someone because they don’t wanna be alone in their twilight years.  Is that what this is?”

Bucky tried really hard not to feel a little bit offended.  He wasn’t that old.  “I’ve been alive since 1917,” he said slowly.  “I have no doubt you know who I am.  But I’ve been alive a hundred and something years, and I’ve never met someone who makes me feel the way your mom does.”  His heart clenched inside his chest as he thought of you, seeing your shy smile in the mornings, how you clung to him when you went out in public, the sound of your voice as you read an excerpt of your writing to him, so nervous about what he would think.  “And I…  I can say that everything I’ve been through…  Everything I’ve ever been through was worth it, because I got to meet her.  And I get to be hers for the years I have left.”

She looked absolutely speechless.  “Good,” she said, coughing to clear her throat.  “Good.  I just…  I can’t see her get hurt again.  Not after everything.”

“Trust me, I don’t plan to,” he said, his mouth dry.  “I…  I actually have something to ask you about…  Been waiting to meet you to talk to you about it…”

Inside, you paced the kitchen and living room, going back and forth and back and forth, sometimes moving to the window to try to hear what they were saying.  But they were keeping it all very hushed.

“It’s gonna be fine, mama,” Danny said, standing up and moving to wrap her arms around you.  “Josie’ll see how much you two love each other, and it’ll be fine.  She’s just gotta have her protective moment.  You know how she is.”

Sniffling, you hugged her tightly.  “I shouldn’t have kept it from her for so long…  I was just so nervous…  They both…  They both mean the world to me.”  You paused, snorting.  “I knew you’d approve of him.  I wasn’t so worried about you.”

“Oh, please, the way that man looked at you?” She said, laughing as she kissed your forehead.  “Mama, there’s no way in hell that man would ever hurt you.  He looks at you like you’re his entire universe.”

Heart warm, you glanced towards the front door, wishing they’d just come inside already.  “I’ve never felt something like this…  But fuck, if the whole shit show that’s my life wasn’t worth it for him…  I wouldn’t change a thing, as long as it means I get to end up with him.”

You broke out of her grasp as the front door opened and they came back inside, looking relaxed and even… happy?  “Well?  You aren’t gonna kill him?” You asked Josie as you moved to James, heart racing.

“Nah…,” she said, giving him what seemed like a secretive smile.  “As far as dads go…  He’d be pretty nice to have.”

“What?” You said, brows furrowing as you looked between the two of them.

Bucky chuckled, winking at Josephine as he led you to the stove where breakfast was still waiting, making you waddle as his arms wrapped around you from behind.  “Don’t worry your pretty head about it, baby doll.  It’s all good.”

You still couldn’t help but feel like the two were planning something as he made your plate for you, cutting up your pancakes and filling up your coffee.  “Why do I feel like you two are gonna end up ganging up on me?”

“Oh, come on, mama,” Josephine said with a smirk on her face.  Her and Danny had made their own plates and joined you and Bucky in the living room.  “How could you ever accuse us of such a thing?”

“Yeah,” James said as he fed you a bite of pancake.  “How could you ever accuse us of such a thing?” He asked, before leaning in and stealing a kiss.  “I love you.”

You’d never felt more relaxed, surrounded by the people you loved the most in the world.  What you’d said to Josephine had been true.

“I love you more,” you said, leaning back in for another kiss.

You’d never been so happy.

[k3rm1e]

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

accomplishments

heyo!! i was wondering if you would mind writing hc’s for a reader who just had a major accomplishment but their parents don’t really congratulate them or anything, and then philza celebrates with them instead and tells reader how proud he is. i kinda want some dadza comfort rn :’) anyway, thank you sm!! have a great day <3

hello anon! i’m sorry i took a while to answer this. i went a bit off track with this and got A LOT more angsty, so i’m really sorry about that. If you want me to make a much more fluffier or mellowed-out version, i’d be happy to. please, read the trigger warnings before reading this.

i don’t plan on writing more angst-y things like this, especially not this angsty, so don’t worry. once again, please, if you would like me to rewrite this into a less emotional version i’d be happy to

cw: swearing

tw: talk of god and the church, slight manipulation, repetition of words

accomplishments:

  holy shit. you were in disbelief. a state of shock. one million twitch followers. one. million. followers. you were silent. shock can have many effects on a person. some scream and laugh out of joy, or a misplaced sense of mania. others cry, because they cannot handle it. some remain confused, because their brains are unable to conceptualize the event. you were silent.

  what should you do? would a “thank you” tweet be good enough or would it come off as insincere? should you wait to stream? or would that make people feel you didn’t care because you took so long? through the anxiety you could feel the true realization that you now had one million followers. like a truck, you were hit with the most excited feeling ever. getting up, you jumped around your room. you spun and jumped and cheered and whooped and yelled and smiled and danced and were overflowing with joy, with the acknowledgement that you had done it, you had really fucking done it. 

  opening the window above your desk, without a single fuck, you screamed. “WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!!!” let’s just hope your neighbors don’t wake up.

  you stayed up all night, celebrating. tweeting out a thank you, you received congratulations from your fans and friends while you talked with the people in your discord vcs.

  in the morning, your mother and father had woken up. with a newfound determination, you ran downstairs. streaming was your passion and you wanted to tell the world what you had done. but, because of limitations, your mother was your metaphorical world.

  “mom! mom! mom! mother, mother, mumther!!” you shouted, dashing down the stairs, tripping over your feet. stupid wood flooring and slidy socks.

  from your place at the bottom of the stairs, you heard her sigh, “yes, sweetie?”

  you bounded over to her, setting your arms on the kitchen counter. from the hallway you could see your dad, who was sitting on the couch drinking his sunday morning coffee. “mom! guess what?” without giving her time to respond, you shouted, “i hit one million follows on twitch! one freaking million!”.

  your mother didn’t seem as enthusiastic as you. “is that why you were causing such a ruckus last night? and, watch your mouth, even though ‘freaking’ isn’t a ‘true’ curse, i don’t want you swearing. especially not on the lord’s day. i couldn’t fathom going to church everyday, only to allow you to have a mouth like that.” she continued to stare at her work papers.

  “oh, uh, okay mother. dad? did you hear me? i hit one million on twitch.” you awkwardly turned your head over to your father.

  “she’s right, you know that, don’t you sweetie?” your father stood up, and made his way into the kitchen. “language like that, it’s shameful. surely, we don’t need you to have a private session with father paulson, do we?” your dad stood next to your mother, rubbing her back as he stared at you.

  “no, no, of course not. um, i’m gonna go upstairs now.” you turned around, wishing you could simply disappear.

  “without breakfast? are you truly that upset with us? we can’t have you ending up like those people, committing sinful acts and going to hell. god would never forgive you. we’re already taking a risk allowing you to stream, putting yourself out there.”

  both your mother and father stared at you. your blood felt like ice in your veins. the white walls of your house seemed so much brighter, yet duller at the same time. everything felt a white-pure-pink-orange. your breathing got uneasy. choppy. in, out, out, in, in, in, out, in, in, out, out for different increments of time. 5, 3, 2, 7, 10, 9, 6, 4, 1, 6, 8, seconds, over and over and over.

  “we just wanna protect you, dear. we love you, don’t you get that?” your mother stared at you.

  you felt like a scene in those movies. the ones that directly cater to teens who thought their lives were shit when in reality they just hadn’t grown up enough to make sense of something yet. were you one of those teens? or is this actually wrong. you don’t think it is, but you don’t talk to others about this. family matters stay in the family was a common phrase repeated in your household. the church was family, they could know. your mother and father, they could know. others, they must not know, never know.

  “of course, mother, father.” you wanted to force yourself to speak, but syllables were incapable of getting past your lips. your mouth was full of peanut butter from the sandwiches served in your elementary school cafeteria. but, the partly frozen chocolate milk always washed it down. “of course. i love you guys too. love you.” you smiled, a disgusting smile that felt violating to exist on your face, violating, violating, violating.

  you dashed up the stairs, to your room, up, up, up. running in, you wanted to slam the door, scream out the window, puch your pillow, smash your pc, cry, whatever you could do to get out your emotions. but instead, you lightly shut your door and slowly walked over to your desk chair to see who was online. you would go live later. it was only 5 AM, after all. they could wait. at least, you hoped they could.

  opening discord, just to see what everyone was doing, you saw philza minecraft was online. you went over and messaged him, ‘phil. philza. philza minecraft. vc please?’ in response, you received a short, ‘sure m8, gimme a minute’ you waited, until you heard the noise confirming he had joined.

  “good morning phil.” your energy from before had receded back into the confines of your chest. the prior excitement was gone and replaced with a feeling of fatigue.

  “morning mate, how are you? congrats on the one mill!” phil sounded excited, happy for you. you smiled, chuckling a bit.

  “i’m alright man, just tired. how are you? and, thanks for the congrats.” you smiled, feeling the fatigue set in.

  “i’m good. but you, you don’t sound very good. couldn’t sleep, could ya’? that was how i was when i hit one mill. way too excited to sleep.”

  “yeah. yeah, i’m just tired.” you were getting a bit too tired to talk. the day had barely started, and yet the full-body emotional exhaustion had set.

  “‘just tired’? the hell happened kid?” phil’s voice sounded concerned. fuck. the last thing you wanted to do was worry him. he had his own life and you had already caused enough trouble today.

  “it’s nothing big phil, seriously. just my parents.” there, a slight bit of information. family matters still within the family, just a few words.

  “they being shitbirds? or are you lying, and something big did happen?” he was being inquisitive, which was dangerous. questions were dangerous.

  “no, why would i lie?” his inquisitiveness would continue, you knew. so you spilled the metaphorical beans. “they just, just weren’t as supportive as i’d wished they were when i told them. i was really psyched, y’know? and them, just sort of, not giving a shit? i don’t know man, it just feels bad.”

  “i get you. it’s shit, when people don’t care about your accomplishments. my parents never really saw streaming as a true profession in the beginning, which led to shit like you describing. i promise it gets better though, even if it feels like shit now. and, for what it’s worth, i’m proud of you.”

  “it’s fine phil, you don’t need to try to make me feel better. i’m okay, seriously.” you didn’t need or want his pity. accepting it would feel patronizing.

  “no, you need to understand that i’m not fucking around. one million is a big fuckin’ thing, especially for you who hasn’t been streaming all that long to achieve. it’s fucking amazing, mate. be proud of yourself, for christ’s sake.” his fake anger chimed through your headphones. even though you were being berated, you still felt better.

  “thank you, phil. i needed that.”

  “your welcome, mate. and look, anytime your parents are being shit, don’t try to hold it all in. call me, or wil, or someone, okay? don’t hold that shit in.”

  you fake sighed, just to piss him off. “okayyyyyy….”

  “good. now, go take a nap or some shit. i love you, kid.”

  “love you too, dadza.” this time, your words didn’t feel forced. the smile on your face wasn’t violating, but an invitation to better times. it would be alright. okay.

[lesbiansforboromir]

What's ur take on th amazon prime middle earth show atm? Thoughts, feelings about the new rumours/news?

I was going a little spare about it in my discord server, let me try and tie all these thoughts down for you. Also to be CLEAR... I'm going to pretend that these 'leaks' are things I believe will happen rather than published by TOR ie, dubious at best. Here's a link to the article anon's talking about.

So, first off, the tolkien estate is apparently happy with the production... I have to file this under what will become quite a well populated reaction box 'that sounds good but it makes me nervous also'. I'm very glad Priscilla likes it though, that's still good to know.

Next, Amazon has SOME Silm and unfinished tales rights... This probably worries the silm fandom far more than it worries me, but in terms of the production itself it seems very positive to me. I mean god... how else would they have... made the show... Like they'd have had to rename kings and straight up ignore plot points without it. AND YET I am actually still surprised. I suppose I shouldn't be, there's quite a lot of moving and shaking since Christopher died and I was always pretty sure he was the one keeping it all under lock and key. And considering the Nature of Middle Earth book is coming out now too with rumoured withheld letters and such, it seems the remaining holders are more lenient with the property rights.

There's a hilarious section where the article is like 'hm it might be that the show will span multiple sections of time' and I'm like well... it'll be a fuckin narrow as hell show if it doesn't... I dont think a single narrative ends in less than 100 years. The part about the dwarves, elves and humans having their own separate production units is interesting but I dont think I know enough about how tv making works to know what that says about the show. But what TOR suggests in the article, an anthology of POV's, would be pretty cool and was more in line with what I originally wanted it to look like. Did this make me a LEETLE excited? Maybe, but I can't acknowledge that yet.

The fake production team shooting fake shots is just funny, like you're using the money this way? Please... it wont be so bad if we see leaked images of shooting I promise I swear.

Lenny Henry as a harfoot is like... LIKE... this is definitely very excellent. I'm a little concerned that all the actors of colour will be relegated to just the hobbits, but I'm actually just a little too excited about seeing wandering hobbits and ALSO HAHA! Now @penny-anna has to watch the show >:3

Tom Budge... who WAS celebrimbor... Like.. I have been umming and arring over this, I go from 'god no' to '.. eh? maybe I see your point?' but in general I still feel like there were more dramatic and enigmatic choices that could have been made for casting such a character. However celebrimbor should have a moustache I think, so, maybe. Still not psyched about this vision of Celebrimbor as far as casting goes.

this is just straight up terrifying. Although it's still funny to me how the entire tolkien mega community saw JRRT say 'actually I was wrong the first time, orcs aren't elves they're corrupted early humans' and they all replied with the [I respect the council has made a decision nick fury.meme] But no seriously... what the fuck, go back to the sex having.

It's absolutely gruelling to me that the major elf debate we're at is 'can elves have short hair', like ok... I do want elves with short hair but that is not the major elf portrayal issue I want discussed here boys. When I say 'can elves be not-white' I want you to say 'yes, here they are'. Still, I do want to see elves with short hair.

And finally absolutely DELIGHTED to know I wont have to suffer Annatar in season 1. I get respite before the angbang bloggers descend on the tags.

IN GENERAL (still pretending I believe all these leaks, which I don't) This is all... encouraging... some of it's worrying and I'm jumpy about it but I would.. I would like an anthology... with a raft of perspectives, timelines and plots... this is what I was wanting when they talked about 'rivalling game of thrones' so... now we gotta wait for mid-2022 I guess... God I think Alecto the Ninth is coming out then too, I'm so beset.

[bbugyu]

hi! could i request a jeonghan enemies (or friends that bicker a lot) to lovers? ty and i love ur writing !!

i am so glad you requested this because i have had this in the works for so long that i had to throw it into a case converter because it had capitalization and i was Not gonna finish it if i had to type it proper (i'm a fucking gremlin ok)

thank u for reading my work and thank u for giving me the perfect excuse to be hopelessly in love with jeonghan!!!!

falling + yoon jeonghan

finally, he thought. someone on his level. what’s the catch?

part one | part two

wc.10009 (fuckin oops) | fluff, humor, uni/coffeeshop/enemies to lovers au, gender neutral reader, slow burn, drinking, like lk too much drinking, swearing, throwing it back to sistar, copious argumentive flirting, everyone is MEAN but like in a funny way, bff!mingyu, it's your resident mingyuzi shipper, the only person more of a little shit than jeonghan is y/n

i used to be a barista and i would get exceptionally hateful towards customers for really stupid reasons and the only thing that could stop it is if they were really hot. this seems to hold great jeonghan energy. also i made y/n, like, mean as hell. like not actually mean but like. Mean. sorry. also all bars mentioned are real bars on capital hill in seattle that i love so if you recognize them that’s why. enjoy this enemies to lovers courtship.

*

you were pretentious, jeonghan thought. you acted like you were better than everyone else, and he hated that he had yet to find a reason to call you wrong.

he saw you almost every day during the week, between the class you shared on tuesdays and thursdays, and the cafe he worked in that you frequented to study. your demeanor was always polite, but what most people would describe as cold. you had caught his attention the first day of the semester, something about you seemed familiar, but he couldn't place it until he made your coffee the next day. you usually sat in the row in front of him, a few seats over, and he would chew on his cheek and wonder how you could sit back in your chair, arms crossed and eyes hardly opened, but still get the highest essay scores in the class. at the end of lecture, after he was done spending all his brain power stewing about your ability to succeed in visual culture without really trying, he would text his friend that took the class last quarter and ask, panic stricken, if he still had his notes, the irony of the situation completely lost on him.

at the cafe, you would come in, order an americano, and sit yourself in a well lit corner to work on your classes for a few hours, the coffee mostly undisturbed on the table beside your favorite armchair, then leave. there was never a smile on your face, and you were always alone. jeonghan watched the ice in your americano melt, watering down the coffee he made. maybe he had let the shots of espresso sit too long before saving them. maybe he let them burn on purpose just to see the face you made. but alas, you hadn't even put the metal straw to your lips. he wondered why you even ordered a coffee if you weren’t going to reap the benefit.

joshua spotted him leaning against the counter as he came out of the kitchen and laughed, setting down the freshly washed milk pitchers. “ask them out.”

he stood up straight. “why?”

“why not? you clearly like them.”

“i really don’t,” jeonghan laughed. “you’re crazy for thinking i do.”

joshua rolled his eyes. “no one spends as much time as you do staring at another person if they don’t find them at least a little attractive. have you ever even talked to them? outside of taking their order?”

he hesitated. “no?”

“so what if they’re actually really wonderful and you have a lot in common?”

“as if.”

“wow,” joshua said, leaning against the counter. “i can’t believe yoon jeonghan is afraid to talk to his crush.”

jeonghan shoved his friend's shoulder, giving him a look. “absolutely not. i'm 99% sure they're a pretentious asshole.”

he crossed his arms. “what does that make you?”

“shut up.”

“whatever, han. i’m just saying it’s kind of pretentious to hate someone solely because they don’t smile wide enough for you when they’re saying thanks.”

“it’s not that hard!” jeonghan said, maybe a little too loud. “i don’t wanna smile either, shua! but i do it! so can they!!”

joshua laughed. “lower your voice and go say hi, you freak.”

much to his chagrin, jeonghan got shoved towards your spot in the cafe with the front of the tables needing to get wiped down. he looked at joshua and seokmin with a furrowed brow as he wrung the towel, both of them giving him thumbs ups with wide grins. begrudgingly, he slowly made his way over to you.

“hey,” jeonghan said, doing his best to project something other than the absolute turmoil going on inside his head. you looked up from your textbook, pulling the earbud out of your ear. “why don’t you drink the coffee?”

you furrowed your brow and looked at your untouched americano. “i- uh, what?”

“you never drink the coffee,” he repeated, nodding at the glass. “why do you get it anyways?”

you blinked up at him. “are you offended that i’m not drinking your coffee?”

he almost laughed at the look of disbelief you were giving him. “no, i just don’t get why you waste the money here if you don’t even need the caffeine.”

“it’s cheaper to buy an americano than it is to rent a stall at a study cafe,” you said, habitually hitting save on your notes document. “why are you so worried about me, yoon jeonghan?”

he faltered, surprised. “you know me?”

“nametag,” you didn't miss a beat, pointing at his chest and giggling. “do you know me?”

jeonghan’s lip twitched, feeling almost embarrassed by not thinking of his own nametag, and definitely not an involuntary reaction to seeing you smile for the first time. “uh, yeah. we have a class together,” he said as casually as possible as he folded the washcloth in his hands. “visual culture.”

you nodded, looking into space for a moment. “hmm. weren’t you also in child psych with professor moon last winter?”

he blinked back at you. “yeah? you were in that class?”

you nodded, holding in a laugh. “yeah, yoon jeonghan. i was. head in the clouds?”

for some reason, the way you said his full name made his ears heat up. “maybe you were easy to forget,” he said dismissively, even though you both knew that wasn't the case. “isn’t it better to study in a library? that one’s free.”

“there’s never any open tables at the library,” you said, unfurling your legs and sitting straight, textbook in your lap. “and the chairs are uncomfortable, unlike this armchair. and people usually don’t bother me here.”

jeonghan sighed. “well, if you’re insistent on going to a cafe, there’s one down the street with a better espresso bean and it’s less busy. less people to bother you and a better tasting americano that you won’t drink.”

you cocked your head, closing your laptop. “is that an invitation?”

and for the first time, you saw jeonghan stutter. “n-no? just a suggestion. i think it’s cheaper, too-”

“don’t you work here?” you asked, eyes shining. “shouldn’t you be happy i’m wasting my money here?”

he eyed you, beginning to turn his body to leave the conversation. “do whatever you want. i’m not your dad.”

you grinned, leaning forward in your chair. “are you busy after class tomorrow?”

“why?”

“i need you to show me where this cafe is.”

jeonghan sighed. “can’t you just look it up? cafe nomu.” he wrote the characters with his finger in the air. “no-mu. use naver.”

“i get lost easily,” you said, standing up. jeonghan wondered if you were telling the truth. “we can go together?”

jeonghan watched you pack up your things, confused. “why?”

you paused, looking at him. “why not?”

he was getting real sick of people asking him why not.

“did i drive you away?” he asked instead, nodding at your now packed bag.

“no, i was headed out soon anyways.” you swung the bag over your shoulder and picked up the untouched americano. “do you want this?”

jeonghan couldn’t help but scoff as you handed him the glass that had been the subject of his staring all afternoon. “you can't be serious.”

you grinned and patted his shoulder. “i’m y/n, by the way. i’ll see you in class?”

he squinted at you as you walked away, suddenly confused by the quick succession of questions you had thrown back and forth. you were cute, sure, and his distaste for you was misplaced, perhaps, but he couldn't help the annoyance that bubbled up in him as you sauntered out of the cafe like you had won a debate. he walked back to the counter and set down the americano, an excited seokmin waiting for him.

“so?” he grabbed the glass and dumped it in the sink behind the counter. “how’d it go?”

jeonghan looked at the door you had left out of. “i think i just got asked out.”

“what?” seokmin’s hands made fists in front of him while he grinned. “y/n did? are you serious? you said yes, right?”

“not really,” he replied, looking back at the younger and exhaling deeply. “but i don’t think i can avoid it.”

you had known of yoon jeonghan for a while. a class here and there, a few mutual friends, and of course at the cafe. but the night you learned his name really stuck out to you, when he had been singing at a karaoke bar right after finals last quarter.

it was common to celebrate the end of finals week with partying and drinking, and your friends had invited you out to barhop until the sun came up. you started at a dance club, had way too much rum at a hula themed place, took tequila shots at a gay bar, then landed at a karaoke bar with a can of beer in your fist and a grin on your face. your friends liked to sing, so you had fun encouraging them to get on the slightly raised stage and show their chops. 

“no, no, no,” mingyu said, grabbing your hands as you tried to push him towards the dj. “no way, i recognize the names on the list. there’s real singers here.”

you looked at the screen that displayed the queue. “what do you mean? who?”

“that guy,” mingyu said, pointing at the screen easily, despite you having to crane your neck to even view it. “no way. he’s in jihoon’s band, i’m not following that guy.”

“hangguk’s angel yoon jeonghan,” you read, squinting. “sounds like a pretentious asshole.”

mingyu laughed. “wait til you hear his voice, you’ll see how he got the name.”

"y/n's right," jun interjected, leaning heavily against the standing table your quad squad had claimed, pouring more soju for himself and whoever would claim the other glass. "he is a pretentious asshole."

you pointed at him, brows raised at mingyu. "jun is never wrong."

mingyu rolled his eyes. "pretentious assholes can still sound like angels."

“where the fuck have you been,” you asked, startled by your third and final friend suddenly appearing beside you.

“around,” vernon said, sipping at the nondescript brown liquid in his glass through a bright pink straw. he laughed when you quirked an eyebrow at him. “soonyoung’s here with his posse, he caught me while i was getting another drink.”

“see!” mingyu shook your shoulder, nearly choking after downing jun’s companion shot. “i told you! jihoon’s band.”

you whacked his bicep. “who cares? just go queue a rap song or something, you pussy.”

the singers cycled through and you cheered on many of your fellow drunk university students as they sang with no remorse. jun dragged you onto the tiny dancefloor and forced you to help him hype up soonyoung - his dance team captain - as he screamed along to hurricane. then one of vernon's friends performed a near flawless rendition of shake it by sistar after yelling something about bringing the summer to this cold winter night, earning him a cheering and dancing crowd, and you had known far more of the choreo than you had thought. mingyu was whooping and hollering at you playfully every time you threw your ass out to the song, and he only got louder when jun and vernon did their best to follow along with you, and you had almost forgotten about the name that everyone insisted was to be feared.

“that guy?” you asked, the self-proclaimed angel stepping onto the stage. you recognized him immediately. “that’s my barista.”

mingyu made a noise that almost resembled whistling, if he had been capable of doing so. “i should start studying with you next quarter.”

and when he sang, it clicked. despite the tonal difference, you couldn't help but become enthralled by his voice. gyu was right. pretentious assholes could still sound like angels, and perhaps that was by design.

his voice drifted through your head again when you noticed him in your visual culture class, seated and giggling at his phone on the first day of the quarter. 

"you have another class with him?" mingyu groaned a week later, walking beside you. "why you? why aren’t there hot guys in my major?"

"because pre-med kids are too busy to be hot."

he gave you a look. "damn, okay. like, you're not wrong, but damn."

you rolled your eyes. "don't act like you don't love being the pre-med heartthrob. you would be pissed if you had competition."

"anyways, are you gonna ask him out?"

you pause at the stop light to wait for your turn to cross, turning towards him. "why would i do that?"

“because he’s hangguk’s angel yoon jeong-honey voice,” mingyu said, moving his head as he dramatically pronounced each syllable in your face. “if you’re not already in love with him, you will be soon, and it sounds like fate's trying to bring you together. didn’t you say he’s your barista?”

you rolled your eyes. “yeah, and his americanos suck now. i don’t even drink it when he makes them anymore.”

he looked at you with a cocked eyebrow. “what the hell? why do you still go there, then?”

you pouted. “it’s quiet and there’s a comfy armchair.”

weeks passed, and you continued to spot jeonghan in your class when you arrived, hearing the faint sound of his singing voice in your head. when he took your order at the cafe, he had a vague snottiness to his voice, and while you absolutely believed that this was the same person as the one you saw sing a soft love ballad with a sobering intensity at two in the morning, you still struggled to connect it to the one you watched run off the stage, immediately curling into himself and laughing with his friends in embarrassment.

you became more and more fascinated by yoon jeonghan as time passed, but his americanos continued to suck. so when he suggested a cafe with better espresso, you lit up. and when he got flustered, letting down his guard unintentionally, you lit up even more. that was the drunk, embarrassed boy you had seen, pink faced and giggling as he hid behind his friends.

jeonghan sat in his usual seat in class, anxiously glancing up at the door every time a group of people entered the lecture hall. when you arrived, your usual minute before the turn of the hour, he rubbed his palms against his sweats. the sweats that he had worn with the specific intention of making sure you didn't think he was trying too hard to look nice around you. despite that fact, part of him still felt annoyed that you were also dressed down, swimming in a hoodie several sizes too big for you. he tried to make sense of the sudden nerves he had, but not once did he consider they were because he thought you were disgustingly adorable.

instead of taking your usual spot, you marched right up to jeonghan’s table and grinned. “is this seat taken?”

he blinked at you. “yes.”

you laughed and slid into the seat beside him anyways, ignoring the dagger stare from a girl across the room that usually sat beside jeonghan silently. “you look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

“how do you expect me to react? you’ve never even smiled at me before yesterday.”

shrugging, you put your bag on the table and leaned back in your seat, assuming your usual position for this particular class. “you didn’t deserve it before yesterday.”

jeonghan wanted to argue with you, but the professor cleared his throat and introduced the subject of the lecture.

after only ten minutes, jeonghan could have sworn he heard you snoring. he poked your shoulder with his pen.

you looked over at him, eyebrow quirked. you mouthed a “what” at him.

he exhaled suddenly, mouth forming a vague smile more in disbelief than from being entertained. he seemed annoyed with you, despite the fact that he was the one interrupting your allocated meditation time. he leaned forward, turning his body towards you and spoke in a hushed tone. “how can you do that every day and still be top of the class?”

you mirrored his body language, leaning forward over the desk and resting your cheek on a fist, speaking in the same hushed tone. “visual culture is subjective. as long as you understand the concept; i-e, how we as humans visually design the world around us and how that becomes an important aspect of our place in nature, in the universe, in existence, etcetera; then you can write about literally anything. my last essay was about skate parks. the more opinionated the essay, the better score you get.” you pointed a finger at the man speaking at the front of the class. “i watched the prof’s ted talk before the quarter started - every lecture is just a regurgitation of the same concepts. it’s an easy a, as long as you have strong opinions.”

jeonghan stared at you for what felt like an eternity. “you do seem like you have strong opinions.”

“and you don’t, yoon jeonghan?”

he supposed he couldn’t argue with that, but it still frustrated him to no end that you had found some kind of loophole that he had missed. you gamed the system better than he could, and he had been stuck pouring over his friend’s notes from the previous quarter and bullshitting some essays about architecture that he didn't give a shit about. and so, instead of spending his whole class stewing like he normally did, he decided to waste no time adopting your approach, pulling his sweatshirt hood over his head and catching up on some missed sleep. when he woke up again, it was to your prodding finger.

“what time is it,” he said immediately, squinting at his surroundings. he suddenly remembered he was in class as he saw fellow students packing up their things and filing out. he looked at you, blinking at your grinning face.

“time for coffee,” you said, tugging on the drawstrings of the light blue hoodie he wore. “did you have any sweet dreams?”

jeonghan shoved his blank notebook into the tote bag he used for classes and stood. “of course not.”

“i did,” you said, throwing your bag over your shoulder and following him down the hall steps. “i dreamt you paid at the cafe.”

he turned, eyeing your shiteating grin from behind his hood. “yeah, keep dreaming.”

“worth a shot,” you said, trotting down beside him. “so, what’s your major, yoon jeonghan?”

he rolled his eyes, almost forgetting about your habit of calling him by his full name. “do you really care?”

“what else are we gonna talk about, my drinking problem?”

despite himself, jeonghan laughed, looking over at you as you left the lecture hall. “maybe! how bad is it?”

you grinned, feeling successful from making him break his serious persona. “wouldn’t you like to know.”

he clicked his tongue, pushing open the doors of the social studies building. “no fun.”

“you’ll have to invite me to a bar next time,” you said, following after him out the door into the sunshine that cascaded over the quad. it was a beautiful spring day, but a bit chilly, and you shoved your hands into your sweatshirt pocket.

“hmm,” jeonghan said, letting his blue hood fall off his head as he stretched in the sun. “i only really go to one bar.”

you watched him bask for a moment, wondering how many sides of him you had yet to see. his hair was dark, but the lighter chocolate tones reflected in the sun. “bet i can guess which one.”

jeonghan paused on the sidewalk, making you walk ahead of him a couple steps before you turned towards him questioningly. “okay, yeah. guess. you won’t get it.”

you size him up a moment, taking his words as a challenge. “if i guess right, you buy coffee?”

he exhaled, an amused smile on his face. “why are you so obsessed with me buying you coffee?”

“it tastes better free.”

“okay, fine. but if you’re wrong, you buy.”

you groaned. “do you know how many bars are in this city? that doesn’t seem fair.”

jeonghan resumed walking, gesturing for you to guess. “i’ll give you three tries.”

you chewed your cheek, trying to conceal your sly grin. “okay, three tries. deal?”

he nodded. you made it way too easy for him to win. “deal.”

“let me think.” jeonghan watched your feet fall easily into step beside him. “what bar has a stupid gimmick you would be into... pie bar?”

he shook his head, almost laughing at your teasing. “i’ve been there before, but it's not really my thing.”

you exhaled sharply. “shouldn’t that count for a stick of gum or something?” jeonghan laughed, insisting that this was an all or nothing situation. “then i give up.”

“you can’t give up!” jeonghan said. “you said deal. no going back.”

“fine," you pouted. "why can't i remember any bar names? uhh, r place?”

he stopped. “the gay club?”

you stopped, looking at him expectantly. “well?”

jeonghan laughed as he walked again. “no, not r place. jesus. you have one last chance. i’m really excited to order something expensive today.”

you chewed your cheek. “where would someone like yoon jeonghan go to drink… hanguk’s angel yoon jeonghan…”

he stopped in his tracks. “what did you just say?”

you tapped on your chin with a finger, arms crossed. “yoon jeong-honey voice… where would someone like him go? maybe… a karaoke bar?”

“hey, hey-” jeonghan pointed at you accusingly. “are you serious? you’ve seen me?”

“hmm,” you continued, laughing as you avoided his gaze. “oh, i know! the rockbox!”

“yah!” jeonghan was laughing, pointing at you in disbelief. “what the hell! this isn’t fair!”

“you said deal, no going back.” you grinned in victory. “wow, maybe i’ll order something expensive. i can’t believe i won.”

jeonghan’s tongue ran over his teeth as he watched you giggle and happily trot ahead of him. “fine, fine. you win. when did you see me there?”

“after winter finals,” you said, cheesing. “i was there with friends and you sang.”

he tutted. “damn. did i just miss you or did you not sing?”

“i don’t sing,” you said, smiling as he continued walking with you. “my friends do, though. and i was forced to be in soonyoung’s hype squad for hurricane.”

jeonghan clapped suddenly, remembering in his perhaps too drunk stupor that seungcheol had pointed you out, calling you “the cutie that keeps looking at him.” he had, admittedly, checked you out, despite the fact that he had been too embarrassed by his too-serious song to go and talk to you, and he had thought you looked familiar. “oh my god! yes! i did see you! how do you know soonyoung?”

“mutual friends,” you said. “chwe hansol?

he nodded. “we’ve met once, i think. were you there with junhui?”

“yeah, actually,” you said, remembering the opinion of jeonghan your friend had volunteered up for you. “how do you know him?”

“i haven’t talked to him a lot directly, but i know both his roommates pretty well,” jeonghan said. "we do music together.”

“ah, yes,” you nodded in recollection, but refusing to acknowledge how insanely pretentious it was of him to say something like we do music together. “jihoon’s unnamed but immensely prolific band.”

he rolled his eyes. “why is it jihoon’s band? why can’t it be jeonghan’s band?”

“don’t ask me,” you said, putting up hands in innocence. “i didn’t even know it existed until that night. mingyu wouldn’t shut up about it.”

the name sounded familiar to jeonghan, but he moved on as the two of you reached a stop light. “do you go there a lot? or was that a one time thing?”

you eyed him. “this is starting to sound like an invitation, hannie.”

he didn’t comment on the nickname, despite the weird way his arms tingled at it. “you should learn what an invitation actually sounds like. you tend to assume a lot.”

you laughed heartily, and jeonghan ignored the way his stomach flitted while you started to cross the street. “call it wishful thinking, but i think i get you, yoon jeonghan.”

“the hell is that supposed to mean?”

you never answered his question, but grinned instead, which gave jeonghan a sense of unease and a touch of curiosity. as he led you to cafe nomu, he caught himself smiling. laughing. enjoying your company and conversation.

maybe shua hadn’t been completely off base.

by the time jeonghan had realized that his feelings towards you might have evolved from vague malice into something more akin to genuine interest, he was pushing open the door to the cafe for you and mentally double checking that he had put on deodorant that morning, cursing his inability to control his own nerves. ah, he thought. that explained the weird feeling he got waiting for you in class, too. and why he got flustered the day before at his work. he only snapped out of his crowded mind when he heard you ordering an iced americano.

“and for you?”

jeonghan blinked at you, then at the barista that was addressing him. “make that two.”

“thank you for the coffee,” you said, pressing your hands together as he inserted his card.

he waved you off, chuckling, but kept his eyes as far from yours as he could. “a deal is a deal.”

you looked around the quiet cafe, quickly scoping out the seat options as jeonghan accepted the buzzer for your order. he thought it was a little silly, considering the two of you were half of the customers in the cafe currently, but said nothing as he turned it over in his fingers, standing next to you.

“there?” you asked, pointing at a table by a window.

jeonghan bit his cheek, thinking about how joshua would likely be walking down this street to go to his shift, if he had one. “yeah, wherever.”

you were already on your way to the seat when he responded, and he followed, dropping his bag off his shoulder to hang on the hook under the table.

“i thought you were going to get something expensive,” he teased, sitting across from you.

laughing lightly, you pulled your phone out of your hoodie pocket and set it on the table. “you said the espresso was good, i wanted to try it.”

“don’t you not like coffee?” jeonghan asked, squinting at you.

“i love coffee,” you said, quirking an eyebrow.

“then why don’t you drink the americanos i make?”

he was leaning forward, staring at you, fingers folding over each other on the table. you pouted, avoiding his eyes suddenly. “no reason.”

leaning back again, he kept a wary eye on you. “that’s convincing.”

“good, it’s the truth.”

jeonghan decided to put a pin in that interrogation in favor of asking you your major.

you laughed again, making a small smile appear on his face. "communications," you answered, despite thinking of how he denied the same question from you earlier.

he let out a low "wah" and cocked his head. "what's up with that? same major."

"really?" you leaned over the table. "what year are you?"

"third."

you put a peace sign next to your eye like you were posing for a photo. "second."

you couldn't help but giggle at the "pfft" that spilled out of jeonghan's lips as he laughed at you, muttering a "really" under his breath at your pose. he was running a hand through his extremely soft and fluffy looking hair when the buzzer went off, and you blinked yourself awake from your trance to nod after he said he would go get the drinks. 

admitting to it was the last thing you wanted, but you couldn’t help but hear mingyu’s voice rattling around your head, telling you that you would fall for jeonghan eventually. you had once thought he was completely up his own ass, but you kept getting glimpses of this really cute, really sweet version of him, and it made you want to get to know him better. additionally, it was getting harder to find people that would happily play along with your teasing, and he had no qualms teasing you right back.

when he returned with the americanos, you pressed your hands together in another thank you before taking a sip. he slid back into his seat and looked at you expectantly. "well? what do you think?"

you paused a moment, appraising the flavor. "delicious. thank you."

after he sipped at his own, he nodded. "the beans here are really good. balanced. i wish i could convince my boss to source better stuff."

you watched him sip again, letting out a praise under his breath. you sighed. "i have a confession."

his eyebrows quirked at you, and he did his best to not show the way his stomach flipped. "what kind?"

"i don't drink your americanos because they're shit."

there was silence as he processed your words, and you wondered if you had royally fucked up by saying something. suddenly, he was laughing, and you stared at him in shock as he calmed down. "oh my god, yeah, they are."

"wait, you know?"

"i-" jeonghan paused, rubbing his face, still laughing. "god, this is so stupid. i burn your shots."

your jaw dropped open, but a smile creeped across your face as you understood. "wait, on purpose?"

"you never smile!" he attempted to explain himself with a bit too much enthusiasm, finding his own pettiness ridiculous in hindsight. "not even when i smiled at you. i had a grudge. i'm sorry."

you were sipping your non-burnt americano with a sly look on your face. you wanted to be mad at the wasted money on countless gross americanos, but somehow, you couldn't be. "do you hold grudges against everyone or am i just lucky?"

"uh, depends," jeonghan said, crossing his arms and thinking. "when the prof that failed my roommate comes in, i burn his shots, too. i think he might like it that way, though, because he's always really nice to me."

you almost snorted. "well, you owe me a lot of coffee."

he nodded and sighed, resigning to his fate. "when you come in, your coffee's on me. and i won't burn it this time."

you pouted a second, and jeonghan barely caught it, but he thought the expression was far too cute. "i was hoping you would invite me out again."

"again?" he asked, letting a few 'ha's fall from his lips in quick succession. "you mean for the first time?"

you gestured to the cafe you sat in. "was this not your idea?"

he rolled his eyes. "you invited yourself out and held me hostage."

"does that mean you have stockholms?"

he laughed at the diagnosis, remembering the class you claimed you had both taken the year before. "you're a very charming captor."

you smiled at the compliment, despite the sinister implication.

the next time you saw jeonghan, it was saturday. you had rolled out of bed far earlier than you had intended to when you had fallen asleep at 4 am after a very drunk and extremely conflict heavy game of uno with the guys. you winced at the sunlight streaming through your shitty dorm blinds, fumbling your way to the water dispenser on your desk to rehydrate.

you stared at your roommate's empty bed, remembering they had said they worked early shifts this weekend as you brushed your teeth, and you wondered how they had dealt with you stumbling into the dorm in the wee hours of the day.

you almost gagged on your toothbrush. an empty room on a saturday morning with too little sleep and a nasty hangover, you thought. bad decisions could never be made under these circumstances.

"does jeonghan's cafe do breakfast sandwiches?" you thought aloud with a mouth full of toothpaste, leaning over the sink to spit. you kind of remembered seeing them on the menu, though you never thought to get anything beyond the occasional muffin. maybe today was the day.

after washing your face and cleaning up your hair a bit, you had to dig in your clothes to find your favorite pair of black sweats and a shirt to tuck in. you last minute decided to bring your good headphones, just in case hanguk's angel wasn't there to bug, and ran out the door with your wallet and phone, a pair of sunglasses shoved onto your face.

the walk to his cafe is short from the dorms you lived in, which was another reason you liked it there. it was warmer than it had been during the week, and you watched a big muscular dog running alongside its owner. before long, you were tugging open the door, seeing no line. you grinned at how lucky you were as you pulled your headphones down to your neck.

"yoon jeonghan! you are working!"

he seemed startled by your voice, his shoulders raising slightly as he turned towards the door. "oh, what the hell? what are you doing here at 9:30 on a saturday?"

you pouted, walking up to the counter and tugging off your sunglasses. "are you not happy to see me?"

his laugh was genuine and completely out of his control. "sure i am. nice eyebags."

that, you noted, was the first time jeonghan had ever greeted you with a smile, and it seemed appropriate that it was paired with an insult. "thanks, i'm violently hungover right now." you said, noticing your best friend's roommate standing further back behind the counter, pretty obviously pretending to not be listening to you.

"do you wanna redeem a free americano?" he asked, poking at the touchscreen register.

you hummed, crossing your arms and staring at the menu board. "not today, i wanna try a latte. something tasty, and something for breakfast. what do you think?"

jeonghan stared at you, and you stared back, a small smile on your face. he blinked. "have you ever tried lavender?"

"lavender?" you shook your head, genuinely surprised. "is that a good flavor?"

he nodded, looking down at the screen and adding items to your order. "we have this seasonal syrup that we make in house," he said. "it's my favorite one of the year. honey, lavender, and vanilla bean. big one?"

you blinked at the cup sizes, trying to remember how many bottles of soju you had bought the night before, and subsequently how much money was left in your account. "uh, yeah."

"will you be offended if i give you a vegetarian sandwich? it's the best one."

you cocked your head. "i mean, if it's the best one…"

jeonghan smiled slightly, pulling out his wallet from his back pocket. "it's the best one. and it's my secret hangover cure."

you noticed his card too late. "hey, what are you doing?"

he quirked an eyebrow at you. "buying your coffee. like i said i would."

"that was way more than an americano."

"and i've burned way more than an americano," jeonghan reminded you. "and if you don't accept that, i'm buying you breakfast as a peace offering."

your eyebrows raised. "a peace offering?" 

he avoided your gaze. "i've decided you're not a pretentious asshole."

you laughed at his word choice, and how it mirrored your own. "i mean, i can be kind of pretentious sometimes. and a major asshole a lot of the time."

jeonghan grinned. "me too."

he washed his hands and passed along the sandwich order to his coworker as he moved to the espresso machine, briefly explaining to you that he was completely useless with food as soon as a heat source becomes involved, but assured you that seokmin was a master with a turbochef, and that your sandwich was in the best hands.

you giggled, watching his hands as he found a squeeze bottle and shot the contents into a glass. "i trust you."

his eyes flicked to you briefly, and you leaned against the drink pickup counter, squinting at the syrup. he held the glass that would soon be your drink up for you. "see the specs? real vanilla."

you hummed. "it smells good."

"it tastes like sunshine, i swear to god."

your eyes followed his hands as he expertly filled and packed the portafilter with fresh grounds. he felt you watching him, and did his best to suppress the itch to fumble. you watched him not burn your shots, stirring them with the syrup and pouring milk from a jug. he added ice, put a metal straw in the tall glass, then placed it on the counter in front of you.

you made sure to smile when you told him thank you, and jeonghan was pretty sure he would have collapsed from how cute he found you if he had slightly less resolve. 

"veggie sando for… y/n?" seokmin announced to the cafe, eyes creasing into a laugh as he appeared with a plate.

you gave seokmin a nervous smile. "sorry for staying over so late. i didn't know you worked this morning."

jeonghan looked between you suspiciously as seokmin assured you it was fine, claiming he was knocked out by midnight and didn't even know when you left. who did seokmin live with again? jeonghan chewed on his cheek as he put your drink and sandwich on a tray.

your eyes flicked over to the front counter as a few customers entered the cafe, seokmin already heading over to greet them and begin the order. you tried not to let your disappointment show when you told jeonghan you should probably let him get back to work. he tried to not let his show, either, when he nodded in agreement. neither of you did a great job.

"someone's clocking on in half an hour, i can take a break then. don't leave?"

his almost pleading tone made your lip twitch upward. "don't act so clingy, hannie."

he grinned, then stopped you before you picked up the tray. "first- hang on," he said, pulling his phone out of his pocket and unlocking it, quickly going to the keypad as he looked over his shoulder at the customers. "give me your number."

your eyes met his briefly as you took the phone, quickly punching in your digits and tapping to add yourself to his contacts. he smiled at the profile name - "americano" - as you picked up your tray and headed to your favorite armchair. even as he was making other drinks and serving other customers, he couldn't take his eyes off you, sitting in your armchair with your headphones on. it had only been two days since he saw you last, but he hadn't thought of anything but you the entire time. he had almost considered asking shua to swap shifts with him so he could have a chance of seeing you the day before, but he knew his coworker would refuse to take the saturday opening shift. he spent his whole afternoon off sitting on the couch in his apartment, staring at the back of his roommate's chair, trying to figure out why he didn't ask for your number.

"hey," jihoon said, and jeonghan had only then noticed that his roommate had spun his tall cushioned chair around to look back at him. "i said, do you know when seungcheol invited people around tomorrow?"

jeonghan stared at him for a second, then sighed dramatically, rubbing his eye. 

"woah," the younger laughed and leaned back in his seat. "who'd you sleep with last night? i need to warn them you're crazy."

"no one," jeonghan pouted. "what the hell? i'm not crazy."

"hyung, i say this with the most respect i can," he said, leaning forward. "you're batshit, especially when you catch feelings for a one night stand."

"ugh, whatever," jeonghan pushed the pillow off his lap and ran a hand through his hair. "we didn't even do anything."

jihoon squinted at him a moment. "okay, hang on, i feel like our definitions of not doing anything are different."

he rolled his eyes. "we didn't do anything," he repeated, standing from the couch and walking over to the kitchen to get water. "like, nothing. we didn't even touch each other. not once."

jihoon looked around, trying to understand what he meant. "i'm confused. you didn't touch your one night stand?"

"it wasn't a one night stand!" jeonghan threw a dagger glare at the other before he drank his water, muttering a "really" beneath his breath.

jihoon's face didn't change. "so… you went on a date?"

jeonghan swallowed the water hard, putting the glass down on the counter and leaning against it. "kinda."

"you are really not making this easy for me at all."

"we got coffee," he said finally. "we have a class together, and we made a stupid bet over who would pay, and they fucking tricked me, so i had to pay for it and we talked for, like, a stupid long time, and i think i actually really…" he exhaled, both hands rubbing his face. "i think i really like them."

jihoon whistled. "i just wanna say before the moment passes that it is incredibly on brand for you to fall for someone because they conned you into buying them coffee."

jeonghan glared at the younger, but he couldn't argue. "we got coffee and talked and then they just…" his palms faced the sky as he gestured, shoulders raised. "they just left. i didn't even get their number."

"okay, and?" jihoon swivelled back and forth in his chair. "you have a class together. you'll literally see them next week."

he groaned, pressing his forehead against the fridge. "but i wanna see them now."

and now, he was seeing you. much sooner than he had expected, yet not soon enough. the saturday morning rush began to pick up, and even when an additional barista arrived, jeonghan wondered if he would actually be able to slip away for a break.

"go ahead," seokmin said, grabbing the steamed milk pitcher from his hand. "me and hyejoo can handle it for a minute."

jeonghan looked at the shrinking line and nodded, quickly pulling off his apron as he walked around the counter. he knew he didn't have a lot of time, and pulling up a chair seemed silly, so he instead just squatted and folded his arms over the arm of your favorite seat.

you looked up from your phone at the motion, pulling your headphones off and grinning. "hey! the drink is delicious and extremely not burnt."

he smiled, noticing it was almost gone. "i'm glad! it's still busy, so i can't really take a proper break, but i wanted to ask you something."

you squinted at him. "what kind of something?"

"do you have plans tonight?"

"depends," you said, turning your body to face him better as you sucked on your cheek. "what's going on?"

jeonghan exhaled, amused. "my roommate is having people over for a few drinks or something, it'd be cool if you came by?"

you looked at a light, gauging the state of your hangover. your voice almost cracked when you asked "tonight?"

"you don't have to drink," he said, remembering what you had told him earlier. "and you can, like, bring a friend if you want. i know it's weird that i'm inviting you to my place."

you thought a moment. "don't you live with lee jihoon?"

jeonghan blinked. "uh, yeah?"

"i'll bring a friend," you said, tapping your fingers on the back of your phone. you looked back to him and smiled. "text me details?"

jeonghan stood. "yeah, i'll text you," he said, glancing up at the door where more customers were walking in. "fuck, i should go."

you followed his gaze. "i think i'll stick to weekdays. this place gets crazy on the weekends."

"tell me about it." he started to walk back to the counter. "i'll talk to you later?"

you smiled and nodded at him, and you waved enthusiastically at him as you were headed out about ten minutes later.

"i'm still waiting for a text," you teased, peeking over the counter as he made a drink.

he laughed. "i'll get to it when i get to it."

"thanks for the sandwich, seokmin! it was delicious!"

seokmin waved at you with a big grin and you looked back at jeonghan.

"i'll see you tonight?"

he nodded, a smug smile teasing his lips. "yeah, i'll see you tonight."

you didn't show the way your stomach flipped when he made eye contact with you, but you slid your sunglasses back on and put your headphones back on your head, and walked to the rhythm of love songs in the sun on your way to your friend's apartment, a stupid childish giggle threatening to surface the entire time.

"hey, is mingoo around?"

minghao blinked at you, standing at his front door with a smile on your face. "dude, you left like four hours ago. what are you even doing here."

"uh, no, myungho, i left like seven hours ago, get it right." he let you walk past him into the apartment. "is he still asleep?"

"is that actually a question?"

you trotted into mingyu's room, humming along to the song playing through the headphones around your neck as you pulled open his blinds.

"god, what the fuck," his rough voice went behind you. "the hell is wrong with you. go home."

"that's not a very nice way to treat the person that's gonna set you up with your future ex-husband."

mingyu's hair stuck in several different directions and his eyes were still squeezed shut, but he had pushed himself off his pillow enough for you to know you caught his attention. "which one?"

you grinned. "the one with the pretty voice."

"wait," mingyu fumbled with his comforter as he tried to sit up. "wait, hang on. jihoon?" you laughed and nodded as he sniffed noisily. "he is not my future ex-husband, y/n. he's it. he's the one that's gonna make an honest woman out of me."

"well, lady, get ready to be honest, because i got an invite to a kickback at his apartment tonight and i snagged a plus one."

he squinted at you. "what's the catch?"

you rolled your eyes. "there isn't always a catch. maybe i'm just trying to be nice."

"yeah, uh huh." mingyu flopped back onto his bed, rubbing his eyes. "why didn't you just text me or something? it's so early."

"it's like, barely morning."

"it's ten."

you exhaled. "it's 11:17, asshole. are you going with me or not?"

mingyu groaned and flopped around, his head aching from the drinks that had stopped too recently. "when?"

"uhh," you stalled as you checked your phone. no new messages. "not sure yet. i'm waiting on a text."

he squinted at you. "who's texting you? soonyoung?"

you shrugged. "sure."

"oh my god, it's jeonghan, isn't it?"

"whaaaaaat?" you deadpanned, walking over to mingyu's bed to sit on the edge, staring at your phone. "why would i be waiting on a text from that loser?"

"i knew you were acting stupid yesterday for a reason," he accused. "and you asked jun what his deal was. you like him, don't you? what did he do? did he corner you?"

"absolutely not," you said, sighing and throwing your phone down on his bed, slightly offended by him saying you were acting stupid but truly not being able to remember if he was wrong. "i cornered him, at his workplace, no less. then i made him buy me coffee. then i showed up to his workplace, again, incredibly hungover, and he still asked for my number."

mingyu's lips formed a pout as he hummed, rubbing his eye again. "never would have pegged jeonghan as the simping type, but sure."

"shut up," you laughed, and mingyu whined about whether or not you had washed your hands when you plopped your palm against his face. he pushed your wrists away. "do you still have that bottle of white wine?"

"you mean the one hao refuses to drink even though i spent good money on it for his fucking birthday? yeah, why?"

you grabbed your phone again, despite it not vibrating. "it'd probably make a good first impression if you bring a nice bottle to the kickback you were last minute invited to. i bet jihoon will be so impressed by your manners."

mingyu blinked heavily. "you're devious. what about you?"

"i don't need a good first impression," you said. "i already made an awful one and he still likes me."

he sighed. "you always have been a charming dickhead."

you grinned at your best friend. "thanks, babe."

mingyu groaned against his palms. "god, fuck, i was supposed to study for my exam today."

you clicked your tongue. "that sucks dick."

"you suck dick."

you pouted out your lips when you got a text from an unknown number. "i'm trying."

you hadn't fully decided yet how you were going to make sure jeonghan really liked you, especially after jun regaled his "disgusting sexcapades," as he described them. you took his words with a grain of salt, considering the guy had an extremely low opinion of him from the get go, but either way, could you really blame jeonghan for putting his incredibly good looks and charm to use?

you, however, found flings incredibly uninteresting. most of the men that went after you were dull at best, and definitely would have fallen for any stupid prank you had played on them. with jeonghan, though, there was a challenge. there was always the chance he would out-trick you. it was new and exciting. playing with people, you decided, was only fun when there were some stakes involved.

inviting you to have drinks at his place seemed like such a transparent ploy to get laid, but you couldn't help but expect more from him. something told you he knew that you wouldn't be that easy, and you wondered what his game was.

i think i'm here >

which apartment was it? >

you definitely could have scrolled up in your conversation with jeonghan to check, especially since mingyu was complaining next to you on the street outside the apartment building, but you preferred the power move of asking again. you hadn't considered, though, that jeonghan was absolutely the type to know exactly what you were trying as soon as he saw the notification and make you wait. you squinted at the window that clearly had a party going on inside of it, willing the boy to respond.

"bro, it's apartment 2-b. soonyoung says he's 'the b in 2-b' like, every chance he gets. let's just go up."

"hang on, i'm plotting," you said, putting up a finger and scrolling through your contacts.

mingyu groaned as you put the phone to your ear, pressing the cold wine bottle against his eye. "you are the most annoying person i've ever met."

"yet you ask me to hang out constantly."

mingyu glared at you with his uncovered eye. "i also watch a lot of shit television, so don't take my taste as gospel."

inside, soonyoung patted down his pockets when he heard his ringtone, then looked at the kitchen counter where he had left it when he was making drinks. he grinned wide when he saw the contact info and practically yelled when he answered the phone. "y/n! please tell me you're finally coming over?"

jeonghan heard your name, his head whipping towards the sound. he stared at soonyoung, phone to his ear as he laughed into it, and he exhaled when he realized what you had done. he looked down at the ignored notification on his phone, his thought process being that you would call as it became more urgent.

and you had, just not him. he cursed under his breath. you were always one step ahead.

"yeah, second floor! come on up, i'll meet you at the stairs!"

jeonghan watched soonyoung shove his feet into a pair of slides and exit the apartment, then quickly downed the rest of his drink. he was gonna need an excuse to ask if you wanted one.

you followed soonyoung down the hall as he excitedly chattered about how he didn't know you were coming.

mingyu laughed. "yeah, we didn't either. y/n got an invite from jeonghan this morning."

"jeonghan?" soonyoung looked at you. "i didn't know you knew each other."

"i enjoy being a mystery," you said, checking quickly to see if your message had been seen yet.

soonyoung couldn't help but laugh at the idea of you and his roommate, especially with a few drinks in him. "you definitely suit each other."

jeonghan hadn't lied when he said people were coming over for drinks, but he had definitely made it seem much smaller than it was. the living area had enough people that you didn't want to bother counting, but probably somewhere in the twenties. there was music playing, but the conversational chatter was still audible over the beat, and people were laughing with each other on just about every surface you could see. you noticed jihoon by the kitchen counter as you were taking off your shoes, and grabbed mingyu's arm to face him towards you.

"jesus, fuck," he stumbled over his own shoes. "why do i hang out with you?"

"he's in the kitchen and he's alone," you said, your fingers digging into his bicep. "now's your chance. ask him where you should put the wine."

mingyu peeked over his shoulder, then looked back at you with wide eyes. "are you serious? right now?"

"right now," you reassured. "you got this, big guy. you're hot, smart, and tall. say you like his music and blow his mind."

he exhaled, his lips forming an o, and shook his hand nervously. "okay. okay. thank you. i love you. i'm sorry i ever called you annoying."

you laughed, smacking his arm. "love you too, goo."

he shut his eyes and spun, walking towards the boy of his affections. you watched him for a moment, though slyly, as you wandered into the party. you wondered where soonyoung had gone so quickly, then clenched your fist in victory when you saw jihoon get wine glasses out of a cupboard and laughed at something mingyu said.

"oh, y/n!" you spun to the familiar voice, spotting jeonghan leaning against a wall casually, half engaged in a conversation. he pushed off it as you closed the short space between you. "you made it! why didn't you tell me you were here?"

"i did," you said, cocking your head at him. "but you probably knew that."

a sideways smile creeped onto his face. "hey, are you drinking tonight? i don't wanna tempt your self proclaimed alcoholism, but i've been sitting on an empty drink for a while, i could make you one too."

you eyed the red cup in his hand. "what's on the menu?"

"paloma," he said, lifting the cup. "but i can make you something else."

you thought for a second, then looked at him. you hadn't had tequila since the night you saw him sing. "i trust your taste."

he tilted his head as he moved, gesturing for you to follow him to the kitchen. you nudged mingyu with your hip as you settled against the counter next to him to watch jeonghan make a drink for you. he looked down at you, then put an arm on your shoulder as he sipped the wine he had brought, and you noticed jihoon had a matching glass. you smiled proudly.

"mingyu?" jeonghan asked, gesturing.

you nodded, then looked up at your best friend. "this is jeonghan," you said, pointing.

mingyu smiled at him. "good luck with this one. jihoon, this is my worst friend, y/n."

"i'm also the reason he's here," you said, leaning forward to direct the speech at boy you were being introduced to. "you're welcome."

jihoon looked at you, mouth parted into an almost smile. his eyes went to jeonghan, remembering their conversation the day before, then to mingyu again, who was covering his eyes with a palm in embarrassment. "this is why they're my worst friend."

jeonghan laughed, pulling your attention back as he popped open a soda with a bottle opener. "so you're like this with everyone?"

"i’m sure i don't know what you mean," you quipped, sliding out from mingyu's arm to grab the bottle and inspect the label. "jah…ritos?"

"jarritos," jeonghan corrected, pronouncing the h sound. "mexican grapefruit soda. it's the best for palomas."

"see, this is why people think you're a prick," you said, putting the bottle back on the counter. "you get fancy soda specifically for your fancy cocktails."

he just laughed at you as he poured tequila from a bottle into two cups of ice. "if i cared what people thought, i would have changed my ways years ago."

you let that marinate for a moment, then decided the two of you were much more similar than you had originally thought. he grabbed the bowl of cut lime wedges that seungcheol had prepared and squeezed two into each cup, and you watched as he topped the drinks with the soda.

"can you handle heat?"

you looked at him. "that's a loaded question."

he laughed again, and you wondered how many palomas he had before you arrived. "i like chili on the lime, but i wanted to be nice and ask before i did it for you, too."

"i'll try anything once."

then you tried it again.

and again.

jeonghan really was charming, you thought. and pretty. and he had a lovely voice.

at some point, soonyoung found you again, just to waggle his eyebrows at jeonghan when he thought you weren't looking, and you got introduced to seungcheol, who you both recognized and were recognized by. jeonghan rolled his eyes and shoved him away when he gave him a look, remembering how he described you at the bar ages ago.

you barely even noticed the time passing, but your drinks kept draining and you kept accepting more, and you wondered if you were really stupid enough to say yes if he asked you to join him in his bedroom tonight. but the more jeonghan talked, the more you were kind of okay with the idea.

"do you wanna get out of here?"

you blinked, chin in your palm and elbow on the counter, face inches from jeonghan's as he put down his cup. "and go where?"

he pouted as he thought. "i could really go for tteokbokki right now."

at that moment, you decided jeonghan really liked you. you grinned. "that sounds so good."

he smiled back at you, and you didn't comment on the way his eyes lingered on your lips, even if you really wanted to. "better tell your chaperone."

you rolled your eyes at the title mingyu had given himself earlier when he was trying to convince you to not take a fourth drink. "don't let his stupid height trick you, he's more of a lightweight than me."

"at least you don't have to worry about him, jihoon would never try anything. the poor guy is so shy, he was probably flustered just when mingyu said hi."

you quirked an eyebrow at him. "does he have to worry about me?"

jeonghan laughed. "if i wanted to get you drunk, i would have poured heavier."

"speaking of," you said, tipping your cup. "this one suspiciously tasted like not tequila."

he stood suddenly, palms on the counter, trying to force down the blush on his ears. "if you're gonna complain about every drink i make you, maybe you should stop asking for them."

you giggled, standing and imitating his stance. "just admit you care about me, yoon jeonghan."

he looked at you, a smile teasing his lips. "only after you admit you're in love with me."

you squinted. "a draw."

he grinned. "tteokbokki?"

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #527

“i’d pull the sun from the sky to freeze the future of time, & drift as one through the infinite”

Do you know anyone who is a firefighter? Nope. What’s your favourite alcoholic beverage? Sangrias. When was the last time you saw a photo of your ex? Around a month or so ago? Our mutual friend/old roommate hosted a get-together for something, and he shared some pics on Facebook. Jason was in one. Very weird seeing him with a full-on beard and moustache. Still recognized him in less than a heartbeat, though. How many push-ups can you do? None lmao. Have you ever received a compliment from a stranger? BRO most recently I deadass got like, seven compliments from different people in the ER and psych hospital about my hair, ha ha. Have you ever shaved your face? Let's be real, women get the "lady 'stache" that I think most women, myself included, tend to, especially with dark hair like me. Do you take the stairs or the elevator? I literally have to take elevators unless there are VERY few steps. Going up or down, it doesn't matter. My legs can't handle it. I've crumpled over on stairs before at school. What was the last vaccination you got? Moderna for Covid. What’s your favourite song at the moment? I am preeeetty obsessed with "Cyberhex" by Motionless In White rn. Have you ever been to Germany? I fuckin' wish bro. Are you in high School? I've been out of high school for like, six or seven years. What is your favorite holiday? Christmas. What do you hear right now? I'm watching John Wolfe play Elden Ring. Do you regret your last kiss? Nope nope nope. Have you ever taken a karate class? No. Who was the last person to tell you "I love you?" Girt! :') Have you ever been to the Statue of Liberty? Nah. When was the last time you went to a library? It's been a year or so, since I was the school newspaper photographer and taking some artistic shots. Do you have any nieces or nephews? I do! The only kids I ever want. Do you like techno? I actually do enjoy it. Would you ever live with any of your friends? I'd love to live with Sara if I didn't have Girt. I wouldn't want to move into a place for only a little while; especially after the hospital, I am just really, really attached to him. It's obvs too early right now, but I sure as hell hope we live together one day. Would you ever dye your hair blonde? No. If you took a drug test right now, would you pass? FUN FUCKIN' FACT Y'ALL, the hospital staff was suspicious I was lying about being clean because I had to take a drug test, going to the hospital and being suicidal, because the results had evidence of a certain drug component I can't remember the name of. As it turns out, it was from my anxiety med Klonopin, as well as one other I was on. They were both perfectly legal and prescribed to me though, so all was fine. Would you rather have a stomachache or headache? THE LATTER. I canNOT handle stomach pain whatsoever. Do you enjoy sleeping late? No. What was the last thing you dreamed about? I actually don't remember. Do you like to draw? I mean I do, even though it can very easily stress me out because I'm not accomplishing what I picture in my head. I wanna practice more, though. Is there someone you have been constantly thinking about? If yes, who? I've just been really, really grateful for my boyfriend lately. He was so supportive while I was in the hospital and always made me smile and laugh on the phone. Do you sleep with or without clothes on? On. I would feel WAY too vulnerable naked. I mean I slept w/o a shirt or bra back in the apartment when I was actually fit, but I don't think I could ever do even that ever again because I just hate hate hate my body. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today? Actually some lyrics in "Cyberhex" really make me think of Girt. Something you’re happy about? I'm just happy to be back home, bro. Meet anyone new this year? Patients at the hospital, yeah. Are you afraid of commitment? I've never struggled with that. Are you scared of growing old alone? YES. Do you get depressed about things easily? I have chronic depression, my man. How did you get your last bruise? It wasn't a bad bruise, but nevertheless I got one the last time I got blood drawn, and my vein decided to hide, which rarely happens. So the nurse had to move the needle around trying to find it until she relented and poked the other arm. Does anyone think you are a bitch? Oh, I'm sure Colleen does. I think the same of her, so whatever. Do you know anyone who is pregnant? I wouldn't say I know her, but one of the patients that came in the night before my discharge was pregnant. I don't think there's anyone I really really know that's expecting? What’s the background on your cellphone? The lock screen is the Halo of the Sun from Silent Hill, and my home screen is a pretty moth aesthetic. Do you like anyone? I love him, a lot. Do you play video games? Not really, but it's a hobby I want to get back into. I watch video games all the time, but I want to stop doing things so passively and instead do. Do you liked grilled cheese? Hell yeah. Are you going to college right now? No, but I'm trying to go back and go easy on myself with one class at a time! If so, what is your major? I actually don't think I'm going to pick a major right away. I want to explore classes I'm actually interested in and just... get a feel for what I want. I'm almost CERTAIN it will be a form of art, but who really knows. Do you like school? I actually have warm memories of the school I was last at, which is one of the reasons I want to go back. Do you watch anime? If I watch TV with someone, it's a pretty good bet. I find they tend to have interesting stories. Can you cook? No. I really should take the time to learn, though... Like it'd be nice to be able to make some yummy things for whenever I move out. Have you ever written a song or poem? Lots and lots of poems since middle school. Have you ever written a short story or novel? A short story, yes. I'm considering being an author... but I'm unsure and somewhat doubtful that will be my true pursuit. Do you like apricots? No. What's your favorite song by Bullet for my Valentine? Either "Your Betrayal" or "Say Goodnight." Can you knit? No. Have you ever vandalized something? No. Have you ever violated a dress code? Accidentally. Ever been in/seen a riot? No, that shit sounds terrifying. Would you ever take up yoga as a hobby? Yet another thing I wanna get back into... It really did make my body feel good. I could use that. What is your favorite wild animal? Meerkats, duh. What's the oddest band name you've ever heard? Maybe iwrestledabearonce. Or Ninja Sex Party. What’s the longest song you've listened to? How long was it? Ummmm I'm actually not sure. Maybe a Metallica song. It would definitely be a classic metal piece with guitar solos. What is your favorite toaster strudel flavor? I like the chocolate and strawberry ones. Where do you like to be kissed the most? alskjflk;qwejlarj;l that's confidential Have you ever eaten raw pumpkin? Ew, no. I don't even like pumpkin-flavored things. How much older is the person you’re currently interested in? He's two years older than me. Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed? Yes. Is there a secret you’ve never told your parents? Yes. Name one song that always makes you want to dance. "Cha-Cha Slide" is as far as it goes, ha ha. Do you have a doctor's appointment coming up soon? Yes, in just a few days after leaving the hospital. I don't exactly know why I need to see my primary care physician when I was there for my mental health, but whatever. List three things that inspire you. Music, seeing other people do great things, and looking at art motivates me to make something. What was the most creative thing you did in the last 24 hours? I planned out a character's appearance in my notebook at the hospital last night. I was too excited to go home to sleep 'til late in the night, so I found a way to pass time. How often do you bathe? I'm not gonna lie, I'd rather not share right now. It's not enough because of primarily how horribly painful showering is for me with my legs (keep in mind that I prop my legs up to clean them and even just balancing is difficult, and cleaning a foot requires being on just one), but also my depression was just so godawful that I didn't have the motivation for proper self-care. I literally just got home from the hospital today with a healthier mind, so we'll see how that changes. There's also a decent chance I'll be getting a shower chair, which would help immensely. It sounds so stupid, I know, like how much effort can a shower REALLY take, but I swear to god it is a feat of strength for me. What skill do you possess that you are most proud of? I'm probably most proud of my writing ability. What three things do you look for most in a partner? Kindness, understanding, and loyalty are up there. Do you like crowds? Absolutely not. Would you risk your life for your best friend? (not lover or family member!) Absolutely. With who was your most important romantic relationship? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Where do you stand on the death penalty? If the case is extreme enough, especially for recurring criminals, I'm honestly 100% for it. Some people just plain and simply don't deserve to live. What are your political beliefs (anarchy, communism, democracy etc.)? I'ma be real w/ you, I'm not even educated on this to really tell you. Is there any race/religion you particularly dislike? Why? Race, of course not. As for religion, I'm just gonna be real, I am just not a fan of Christianity. I'm sure this is partially due to it being what I'm most familiar and experienced with, but there is just a LOT that I hold issue with about it. I won't go into detail and I absolutely won't judge a Christian just by their label, but regardless, I'm not a fan. How would your ideal partner look? g o t h Do you ever want to have a family someday? With children? Sooooo I'm coming to find I apparently consider kids when I'm in love with someone. Which I've realized I am with Girt. Like I 100% wanted kids with Jason, and now I'd probably say I'm like, 10% into the idea with Girt. HOWEVER, I can just about guarantee it will not happen. I know i do NOT need to be a mother; I'm just too mentally ill for that, and even if I improved to a truly stable point, what if I relapsed? I'm not going to ruin the life of another, little person because I can't properly raise them. Girt doesn't want kids anyway, so it works out. We're fine being an aunt and uncle. What do you see yourself doing next year? I don't know! But for once, I'm excited to see. What do you see yourself doing in twenty years? Now that's a bit too far ahead. Would you ever have an affair? No. When I date someone, I'm loyal to them. Would you ever have a one night stand? Nah. Would you ever choose a career or job where your life was at risk? No. I worry about that enough with my sister. She meets some CRAZY fucking parents. Are you a loyal member of any organizations? No.

[whatyouandihave-makesmefree]

How to say “I love you” without actually saying it - or 137 Milkovichy ways to say “I fuckin’ love Ian Clayton Gallagher”.

1. Kiss me, and I’ll cut your fucking tongue out.

2. I’ll meet you there in 20.

3. You say that again, I’ll rip your tongue out of your head.

4. Take your hand off the glass.

5. You wanna chit chat more or you wanna get on me?

6. Fuckin’ tough guy, huh?

7. Jesus Christ, you want us to spread a blanket out and look for shooting stars next?

8. Sorry, I gotta go kill your dad, but I’m doing a lot of people a favor, including you.

9. -I missed you-  You did?  -Yeah, man.-

10. So, uh, what you going down for, then, huh?

11. Don’t know what you see in that geriatric viagroid.

12. -You fuck anyone in there yet?-  God, no.  -Wise choice.-

13. Hey, my dad took my brothers on a run out of town for a couple days, so you wanna ditch that dump and crash at my place, you can.

14. Fuck you, is what you were invited to.

15. What are you hoping, I tell you not to go? I’m gonna chase after you like some bitch?

16. -Don’t.-  Don’t what?  -Just…-

17. -You seen him?-  Why do you care?  -Don’t.-

18. You heard from Gallagher?

19. Not fucking Frank. The other one, the redhead.

20. I like fucking carrot-tops, like, with the freckles and the pale skin and fucking alien-looking.

21. He in trouble? What kind of trouble?

22. You wearing cologne?  -No. It’s Kenyatta’s perfume soap shit.-

23. I gotta take care of something important.

24. No, I’m not having fun. I spent the whole day looking for your coked-out ass.

25. You coming back?

26. I’ll do it.

27. Those fingers go anywhere near that cock, I’m gonna break every knuckle in your hand, all 15 of them.

28. Together.

29. That all you think he is? Some twink?

30. Probably best if you don’t, tough guy.

31. Of course we are.

32. You want me to go?  -No, I don’t want you to go.-

33. I’m not lying to you.

34. Ian, what you and I have makes me free, not what these assholes know.

35. Well, good. Leave. What the hell do I care, bitch? Fuck.

36. Hey! Excuse me! Can I get everybody’s attention, please? I just want everybody here to know I’m fucking gay. A big old ‘mo. I just thought everybody should know that. You happy now?

37. Fuck you! Don’t worry about it! I’ve been staying at Ian’s since you’ve been in the can, bitch! Guess what we’ve been doing, daddy! We’ve been fucking! And I take it! He gives it to me good and hard, and I fucking like it.

38. You’re a fucking dick. Yeah, there. That’s what you get.

39. You love him?  -Maybe. I don’t know.-  Because he has a real penis?  -Yeah, I guess.-

40. Rise and fucking shine, Cinderella.

41. Yo, sleepy-face.

42. Hey, you okay? Feeling sick or something?

43. All right, you want me to bring you back something to eat?

44. Ian, are you high? You take something?

45. Fuck’s wrong with him?

46. Before, he was fine. He was happy. He’s staying up all hours of the night, dancing, telling fucking jokes. He kicks my ass every day. I can’t keep up with him.

47. No, no, look. He– he’s low… We cheer him up.

48. What do you mean, hos– Like a psych ward? No fucking way! No fucking way! He’s staying here.

49. I can– I can take care of him. Okay? Let me take care of him until he’s better.

50. Don’t fucking tell me what’s impossible! We’re taking care of him here. You, me, us. His fucking family.

51. He’s not going to some fucking nut house. You hear me? He stays here. He’s staying with me.

52. I’ll be there.  -Better be.-

53. All right. I guess I’m going with you.

54. She’ll send him to a fucking shrink. No. We fix this ourselves.

55. I came out for you, you piece of shit.

56. What’s your type?  -Redhead.-  I am downstairs.  -Batshit crazy.-  Check.  -Packing 9 inches.-

57. I got to take you to a hospital, Ian.

58. I’m worried about you.

59. His partner. Lover? Family? You know?

60. At least he’ll be getting some kind of fucking help.

61. Relationship to the patient?  -Sister.-   -You?-  -Uh, boyfriend.-

62. Hey. Sorry I’m late.

63. We gotta get you to a fucking clinic. Get some meds. Today.

64. Hey, it’s okay. It’s all right.

65. He’s not a fucking lab rat.

66. He’s got me.

67. Hey, Ian’s sleeping in there.

68. All right, breakfast of champs. We got your mood stabilizer, anti-psychotic, anti-depressant. Gatorade.

69. Shut the fuck up. Take the pills, bitch.

70. Hey, no caffeine on your meds.

71. Eat it. Take all those pills on an empty stomach and you’re going to have diarrhea real bad.

72. I didn’t know which Bs to get, so I just got all the fucking Bs. I got B-complex, super B-complex, B-12, B-6.

73. The hell happened to your hand?

74. Did a doctor take care of that?

75. You can’t go anywhere unless you get that looked at, man.

76. Your hand, man.

77. No, no. Look, you’re not supposed to drink on lithium. It makes your blood fucking toxic, and it gets you hammered in like two seconds flat. You can’t-

78. You look like a fucking wet rat.

79. We’re going on a date.  -Fuck, yes, we are.-

80. Where the fuck are you?

81. Where the fuck you been? 

82. You okay?

83. It means we take care of each other.

84. It means thick and thin, good times, bad, sickness, health, all that shit.

85. You look good.

86. Got a new tattoo. Did it myself. Hurt like a son of a bitch.

87. Been thinking about you. You ever think of me? Gonna wait for me?

88. Will you? Wait?

89. You like the high school bleachers? Our spot, man.

90. Look, I’m, um I’m getting some new IDs, some cash, and heading to Mexico.-  Wow.  -You should come.-

91. Thought a lot about you inside. You’re under my skin, man. The fuck can I do? Hmm? Can I do?

92. Knew you’d come. 

93. Come here.

94. I’m gonna see you again?

95. The fuck you looking at?

96. It’s what kept me going in the joint. The beach. Us.

97. Oh, check it out. Ian Gallagher putting his big boy pants on!

98. You never fucking visited me.

99. What am I leaving behind? My family? Who cares I never see those shitheads again. You had my back more than they ever did.

100. You ever think about me? When I was in the joint?

101. Fuck, I missed you.

102. What the fuck is that? I don’t want your fucking money! I want you to come with– me.

103. Don’t do this.

104. Fuck you, Gallagher.

105. I rolled on the cartel I was working for, and in exchange, guess who gets to pick where he gets locked up?

106. No, I just did it ‘cause it was the right thing.

107. Would you be fucking happy?  -Yes, fuck, yes!-

108. I guess I need some advice. It’s about my partner, Ian.

109. You’re not throwing your fuckin’ parole for me. We need to get you the hell outta this shit-hole.

110. You don’t belong in here, Gallagher.

111. I shouldn’t have asked you to stay.

112. FaceTime your brother. See the baby.

113. You seen Ian?

114. About time, man. Your Panda Express is getting cold.

115. Eat your Szechuan beans.

116. Chill your fucking tits and eat your noodles, man.

117. Let’s get out of here, get some Pinkberry.

118. No. No. I’m not running. I need to protect him.

119. Jesus Christ. You proposing to me over fucking patty melts?

120. Fuck it. I do.

121. When you know, you know. You know?

122. No, just saying you don’t love me enough now. And that’s fine. It’s cool.

123. Jesus Christ, save the fucking speech, you pussy. I’ll marry you. Of course I’ll fucking marry you.

124. You must really love cock.  -I definitely love one.-

125. You ever try to get me to move to Milwaukee, I’ll fuckin’ murder you.

126. Hey, I like the blue ones.  -Yeah?- 

127. You sure you still wanna go through with this?  -Yes. Why?-

128. You’re a sneaky bastard.

129. -Take your meds?-  Yes.  -Good.-

130. The son of a bitch is never gonna let me be happy. He needs to die today.

131. Well, there’s plenty of strays wandering around the neighborhood. I’m sure we can pick one up for cheap.

132. Yeah, well, at least I don’t have to hide in a coffin till the sun goes down.

133. Damn straight, Gallagher.

134. I, Mikhailo, take you, Ian, to be my husband, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health,  to love and to cherish you till death do us part.

135. Good morning, Mr - Millagher?

136. You hungry?

137. You wanna go again?  -Absolutely.-

[wu-sisyphus-gang]

Motion Sickness Chapter 34

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I was a part of something bigger, made of something bigger. When I opened my eyes, Ruby was there. All of RWBY was there in fact, JNPR too. And CRDL even. Everyone I had ever met and, you know what, everyone I had ever not met was stuck too. Not just humans but faunus too. All Cetra in one giant groaning mass.

It was everybody. It was everything and at the center of it all was a mad god and the distant sound of flute playing. Out of tune. Out of beat. It was a horrific whistling sound like if somebody tortured the wind and made it shriek wildly in the abysmal mass.

And we were made out of it. And we were trapped in it.

We were all there and made and trapped in this stuff. I tried to move but I was stuck in it. Like I’d been cemented into place in this wall. But the stuff wasn’t cement, it was flesh. It was both human and Grimm flesh and I was stuck inside of it. When I looked out beyond there was only one thing that wasn’t stuck in the goo, only one person.

A woman.

I knew her. Her straw-blonde hair and pale skin stood out to me. Her sharp facial features were a match for my own. I had her nose and eyes a few shades darker than hers.

“Mother!” I called out. “Mother save me!” With pale eyes, she turned towards me.

She walked towards me and cupped my chin with ghost white hands. “Of course, my child. I will save you. Hush now.”

With one gentle pull she ripped me free of the wall into her ghostly white arms. I shuddered as she cradled me.

This isn’t what I wanted. This wasn’t what I had in mind. I was a tentacle. I was merging in my flesh with my mother and becoming one with her. I wasn’t saved here. I was just as trapped.

When I woke up, Ruby’s arms were tight around me. Her face held the exact same soft expression it had when she was stuck in the wall. I couldn’t look at her. Especially as she sighed softly and nuzzled her face into my shoulder.

There had been cries for help. People sobbed in the wall. But I knew that no one made it out of the four and a half billion year deep corpse pile. I screamed and something had looked at me. I called out in pure instinct for my mother and something had answered. It was alien, foreign. It was not like us.

My mouth opened in a silent scream in the real world, I’d drooled all over my pillow and sheets. I flipped the pillow over and laid my head back but I knew I’d never get any sleep now.

All I could think was that she wasn’t my mother.

Ruby hushed me and rubbed my chest softly. Harsh red and orange scars stood out across it. She mumbled softly in her sleep. I watched her adjust her position across my chest, her hands taking mine in hers as she did.

I relaxed but only slightly. The sight of the woman’s eyes were burned into my mind.

I checked my scroll. It was three thirty in the morning. Way too early to go about waking Ruby or any such nonsense. I slid out of bed carefully, avoiding any movement which might wake Ruby and slid my pillow into my place. She adorably wrapped her arms around it and I couldn’t help but brush her hair back and kiss her forehead.

I made my way over to the minifridge and helped myself to some of the icecream Ruby had bought and binged to make herself feel better. Strawberry sherbet. Fitting. And for breakfast no less. I sighed and wiped my forehead.

“Jaune…” A quiet whisper. I’d failed and been caught. Ruby came up behind me and wrapped her arms around me. There was a mirror which ran across our wall in which I’d failed to notice her creeping up behind me within. Her tight pjs pressed against my back and her fingers traced about the scars on my chest.

“It’s nothing, just a bad dream.”

“You’ve been having a lot of those.” She almost scolded me. But if it was a scold I wanted to be scolded again, it was so gentle.

“They’re nothing,” I tried.

“Not nothing," she denied easily. "Tell me about them,” she murmured. Her voice like a shallow creek. “Are they about Tyrian?”

“Who? The scorpion?”

I felt her roll her eyes against my back. “His name was Tyrian.”

“He doesn’t deserve so much as a name. Calling him ‘The Scorpion’ is already too good for him.”

“Tell me about your nightmares, Jaune.” She was impossible to distract, it would seem. That’s why I loved her; I think. Not only was she a sweetheart, she was unrelenting. It was unbelievably attractive.

I told her about the mound of human and faunus flesh. But I didn’t mention my mother pulling me out of it and into her arms. I didn’t mention how I became one with her instead. I told her about how I saw her sleeping in the massive wall. Just another person shaped tentacle.

I shuddered as she ran her hands through my scars, the warmth of her fingers rocked me to my bones. The feeling spread across my ribs as I turned around and wrapped her in my arms. Her arms stayed tight within mine and she leaned her head against my chest again.

“Jaune...”

“I’ll be okay Rubes. Pinky promise.”

She wrapped her hands around my neck and kissed me.

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

Ruby went back to bed. I could not. I was awake and out and about. And if I had another dream like that one I never wanted to sleep again.

Weiss was the first one up. It was early too when she joined me in the living spaces. As in, it was like five in AM. She must be an early riser. Maddening.

“Jaune…” she murmured my name sleepily. “What’s got you out of bed so early.”

“Bad dreams. Family problems probably. Couldn’t get back to sleep. Why are you up so fucking early?”

“I’m always up this early.”

“Why?”

“I like the mornings. If you’re up early you can get a lot done. Coffee?”

“I made a pot already. Help yourself.”

“What a gentleman.”

“I guess.”

“So, family problems,” she muttered. “I know a thing or two about that.”

“Ruby mentioned you did. Not any of the specifics,” I said hurriedly when she turned swiftly in my direction. “Just that your parents were mean to you.”

“Well. ‘Mean.’” She managed. She thought for a moment. “My father was physically and emotionally abusive. My mother was a drinker and was totally absent in any way that matters.”

“Mean,” I leveraged. “My parents were… I don’t know how to describe it. They didn’t believe in me. For one thing. My father especially didn’t. He thought I didn’t have a prayer. Especially at being a huntsman.”

“But you showed them. You’re quite the huntsman now.”

“Yeah. I guess. Wait until my sisters find out. That will mean something.”

“How many sisters did you have again?”

“Seven.”

“Seven?!” She asked as she sat down on the couch opposite me.

“Seven. I’m the oldest. They matter to me. Are you close with your siblings if not with your parents?” I asked.

“Maybe with Winter. So maybe one. But she’s distant. It’s a part of who she is. It’s also a survival trait in a family like mine. My brother on the other hand…” she trailed off but I just waited. “My brother is like my father,” she decided.

“Bad, then.”

“Bad,” she agreed.

“I was the oldest by quite a bit. And I was the only guy. So… I was excluded from stuff. But not intentionally. You know? It’s just how that goes.”

“Mmhmm,” she hummed. It was a pleasant sound in her throat. I stared at her neck for a moment. Her early morning clothes were a soft grey and blue gown that showed off all the way down her collar. I glanced away as my eyes trailed a little lower than her collar.

Girl’s in their pajamas, man. Something about it… What was I to do?

“But I’ve got Ruby now. She believes in me,” I continued. “I mean you and I both do?”

She choked a little on her coffee. I stared. “I’m sorry?” She wondered. “What do you mean?”

“She’s your partner. You two are like, besties or whatever. I’ve never really had that either.”

“Oh. That’s… that’s what you meant. Yes, I suppose. We’re good friends. I… I never really had that before Ruby. A best friend.”

“Me neither. I’m none of my best-friends’ best friends. It’s a bit of an insecurity of mine. Yeah I’m dating Ruby but…”

“But that’s different,” Weiss whispered. “What you and Ruby have is different from what Ruby and I can have…”

“Yeah. I mean, I guess. What is friendship anyways? I was close to Pyrrha but I wouldn’t say we were best friends like you and Ruby are. We also were never a couple. And Ren has Nora so while he’s definitely my bro, he’s not really my best friend.”

“When did you find out that Pyrrha liked you?” Weiss murmured.

“She… she kissed me before she went to fight Cinder. So… she had to be pretty obvious. With Ruby, too. It was that way. Or I never would have found out. I’m… for someone who is… I don’t know… I’m kinda smart. Right?”

“Yes, you’re smart. You fight in a way that’s about the mental battle as much as the physical. Like your empty hops. You’re always trying to psych your opponent out. You’re pretty smart. We pretty much all go to you for plans.”

“Right,” I agreed. “But holy fuck am I dumb. You get what I mean?”

“Well…”

“I mean I went after you instead of Pyrrha who was right there in front of me. I didn’t have a snowball’s chance in hell with you. But my dumbass just kept tryin’.”

“ Well …”

“So man, am I dumb. You feel me? I’m too fuckin’ dumb to be this smart.”

“A little , but what makes you say you didn’t have a chance with me?” Weiss rubbed her coffee cup and stared into the liquid distantly.

“Did I have a chance with you? You can answer that.”

“Not when you were putting on that act, no.”

“There you go then. Not a prayer. And Pyrrha was right in front of me. Am I blind? What’s the matter with me?”

“Well, yes. Okay. So you don’t have experience with girls…”

“No experience with girls-I have seven sisters! What the hell are you talking about?” I demanded. “Seriously what’s my excuse? I’d like one.”

“I… I have nothing for you. You’re pumping in a dry well.”

“Yeah. So that’s what’s wrong with me.”

“Oh is that all?”

“Probably not but let’s say it is. So what’s eating you?”

“Nothing. Why would you say something’s eating me?”

“Okay. Nothing’s bothering you.”

“No seriously was it something I said?”

“Well a little. Something seems up with you. You’re actually talking to me.”

“You’re actually talking to me,” she pointed out. “None of the fake stuff.”

“The fake stuff got me nowhere fast anyway. Good riddance to that sweet trash.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

“Things aren’t looking good, Oz.” I overheard Qrow from the kitchen beside Ruby.

“Ever the optimist. Even with the strides in progress we’ve made with you recently.” Ozpin was in control so I suppose it was he who I heard take a sip of coffee rather than Oscar. “While I would not say our current predicament is ideal I think we can both agree the situation could be much worse. Humanity is a resilient force.”

“Oz. Pro-huntsmen don’t just bite it like that all at once. Salem’s powerful and it seems like her reach is growing by the day. What does that say about humanity?” I shuddered. I thought of my mother and sisters who were out there somewhere right now. Ruby set her arm on the small of my back and I gave her a firm nod. She sighed and turned around and paced away from me.

I hated to see her leave but I loved to watch her go.

“That there are indeed a misguided few who have filled their hearts with malice. It doesn’t take a great number of people to cause harm but I believe there are far more people in this world willing to prevent it.”

Ruby paced over to join her uncle and Ozpin for their discussion. I loomed in the doorway, against the garden glass. “Um excuse me?” She was still a tad shy where her own leadership was concerned when things weren’t in the heat of battle.

“Ah Ms. Rose and Mr Arc, join us.” I snorted and stayed standing. Ruby took the red love seat next to her uncle. “We were just about to gather everyone to discuss our next steps.”

“Oh, uh, great.”

“Something on your mind kido?” Qrow asked.

“Well if it’s okay to ask…” Ruby trailed.

“Of course,” Qrow encouraged.

“Well we’ve been talking about the relics, Jaune and I that is, and if they have the fall maiden…”

“Cinder,” Ozpin clarified.

“Doesn’t that mean that they already have the Beacon relic?”

"Very astute Ms. Rose. I was wondering who would be the first to ask. It's true that the Haven relic, the relic of knowledge, is very much at risk, and for now that should remain our primary objective. Let's just say I made finding the relic at Beacon a bit more challenging than at the other schools."

"Ah, that's good to hear."

"It is. But let's not forget the challenges that still lie before us."

"Oh well I did have one more question."

"No my cane is not a relic."

"I have no more questions."

They shared a polite laugh and I snorted again at my girlfriend's antics from my spot in the corner. Arms folded I still eyed Ozpin warily.

"Yes while this cane is indeed very precious to me it is only that, precious to me. And while it still has a few tricks up its sleeve, I can firmly say being a relic is not one of them."

"Now why don't you run and get the other students."

Ruby gave me an indecipherable glance as she walked past me to gather our friends.

"Now something we can help you with, Mr Arc?"

"You let me into your school." It wasn't a question. "I have to know why. Why you took that risk over other applicants. I can't trust you otherwise."

"Yes. You did stand out to me at Beacon. Glynda, too. Your records indicated someone with shall we say more skill than you displayed."

"That charade should have lasted all of five minutes into initiation. I didn't even have aura."

"I took a calculated risk."

"You thought I was Salem's. My records didn't fool you."

They shared a glance. "Now is this the source of your hostility towards me. I thought it had its origin in my selection of Pyrrha as the new fall maiden."

"That too. Her blood is on your hands." I looked to where I wore Pyrrha's banner on my bicep. "How many others have you gotten killed that I don't know about? How many people have you had die? How old are you really? And why did you let me get past you?"

"Very well, if you'll allow me to tackle the questions in order?" He seemed to be actually waiting for me to answer so I nodded. "Many. Too many to count for the first two. I suspect you know something about that. It has escaped me." I shuddered again and nodded. The exact number of people I have killed has run from me, after all. "I am very old. I predate modern Remnant by a few thousand years. And yes I thought you were an agent of Salem's. I'm glad to see that you aren't given the alarming competence you've shown me these last few weeks. I took a gamble and I'm happy to see it paid off."

"So you didn't know what I would become? This… this thing?"

"I saw potential in you, if that's what you're asking. I was hardly the only one. You were willing to put in the work to catch up to your peers. And you're hardly a monster, Mr. Arc." He gave a little laugh.

"I could have been one of Salem's agents and you still let me in. I could have killed someone. I could have been anything. You made the wrong choice."

"Even with the benefit of hindsight?"

"I could have been anything. You took too serious a risk where my friends are concerned. I think you have a bad habit of playing fast and loose with other people's lives, given that immortal perspective and all."

"Perhaps I did.” He confessed, maybe conceding the point. “What would you have me do?"

"Be more careful. We're counting on you."

"You don't seem pleased by it."

"I don't have any other choice."

Qrow's scroll buzzed. He'd been watching our exchange with a sort of jealous attention. I had the feeling I'd asked questions he himself wanted answers to, like I had said things he wanted to be said. He looked at the device.

"It's Leo, hang on." He opened the communication. "Yeah? Okay. Yeah, we'll be there."

"And?" I pressed.

"He says he had a break-through with the council. Said he might just be able to put that raiding party together and that we should join him tomorrow evening to talk about it."

"Perhaps time was all Leo really needed." Ozpin sounded like he didn't believe it.

"But you doubt it," I said.

"I do. Leonardo disobeyed direct commands I had given him. You yourself are suspicious of him, rightfully so. As am I, as you were suspicious of me."

"Are,” I corrected. “I am suspicious of you. Do you really think you’ve won me over. I know you have designs for my friends as pieces in your game.”

“And what about your role in the games I play?”

“I can eat shit, and die. And I totally fucking will. My friends. They actually matter. Their lives have real value.”

pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq pq

-WG

[thiswasinevitableid]

Third Time’s The Charm (Indruck)

Prompt for the 10th was: stiches

“I ain’t sure what you thought was gonna happen. That canopy is fuckin dense.”

“In my, ouch, defense I, ow, only crash landed in one percent of futures, OW!” Indrid cuts off into chitters of pain as Duck continues stitching up his shoulder near his wing.”

You know, Duck had been hoping someone from home would visit him out here in Brazil. He just wasn't expecting the mothman to be the first one to show up. 

And he really wasn’t expecting him to crash to the ground near Ducks small cabin that he stays in when not in the field. In spite of his wing clearly bleeding, he’d told Duck to hurry into town to head off yet another fire. When Duck came back two hours later to find Indrid trying to stitch up his wing using the bathroom mirror and a very odd contortion, he ordered him to sit down on the closed toilet seat so he could do the damn thing right.

He’s halfway through now, Indrid’s feathers making things tricky. The Sylph staying in this form until it was over, since his pain tolerance is higher when he’s not human.

“Thank you for not insisting on taking me to a hospital.”

“The closest one is an hour away and I don’t know enough Portuguese to explain the mothman to a doctor.” Duck adjusts his stance slightly so he’s not blocking the light he needs to work, “gotta say, for all your chirpin, you’re doin pretty damn well.”

“As you pointed out, one cannot go as ‘mothman’ to a hospital. And after documentation became more common, it became harder to produce identifying documents that wouldn’t raise too many questions. One gets used to home surgery and unpleasant infections.”

Duck raises an eyebrow, concerned by the last part of that sentence.

“Do not worry, Duck Newton, I know enough healing spells that it has never become an issue.”

“I mean, that’s good to know but Indrid, that ain’t no way to live.”

“Perhaps not. But it was often the price of helping prevent disaster. Or trying to.”

“You helped us a hell of a lot in Kepler.”

The Sylph hums in acknowledgement, hisses as Duck pulls the last stitch through. He stays quiet as Duck bandages him. Awkward silence is broken only by insects and the occasional bird, and a question taps at the back of Duck’s skull.

“I, uh, I thought you were goin back to Sylvain. Handin the job off to Leo and all that.”

“I considered that, and Leo is welcome to use his foresight as he pleases. But as I told you on our first meeting, I fell in love with earth. I have been away from Sylvain for a long time. I searched for a solution to her decline for a century. You and the others solved it in one-hundredth of that time. So it is not as if the kingdom will welcome me back as a hero. And I do not want my old position back. No, Duck Newton, if I am going to be a failure, have my warnings ignored, I may as well do so on the planet I like better.”

“Now, hold on-” Duck wants to argue, but Indrid swivels his head, red eyes as disconcerting as they were when they met. He looks very sure of his conclusion. More than that, he looks tired.

“Your question had a dual purpose, so I will answer what was implicit; you want to know why I’m here and not somewhere else.”

“I, uh, I mean yeah, but I ain’t-”

“-trying to be rude, nono, I do not doubt that. I came to you because the fire I foresaw would be as bad, if not worse, as the one you are helping undo the damage from. And it is easier to stop disaster when I don’t have to waste time making someone believe I can really see the future.” He stands, taking up half the bathroom, “thank you for your help. I will put on my glasses and be on my way. Can I trouble you for a ride into town?”

“No, I mean yeah, but jesus christ Indrid, you crashed. I just finished stitching you up! You oughta rest up some.’

Indrid cocks his head, “Yes, hence the trip into town. I can rest there until my wing is healed.”

“You got no one to tend those stitches, and I got a couch that ain’t bein used.”

“But you do not want me here.” He barely sounds hurt, just resigned,  and somehow that makes Duck feel worse than if the Sylph was crying.

And a little annoyed.

“Did I say that?”

“No. But we were hardly close friends, and what is more you have spent a great deal of your life with aliens popping into your space unannounced. Where is she, by the by? I thought she was coming with you.”

Duck sticks his hands into his pockets, staring down as he shrugs, “forestry ain’t exactly her area of interest. And, uh, once the trauma-bondin’ wore off, think we both needed some time to sort some things out.”

Indrid stares blankly at him a moment, and then he chirrs, “You’re lonely.”

“Hey I, I’m uh, I- how the fuck did you know that?”

“You said so in some futures.”

“Are there futures where you accept my offer and get your fuzzy ass on the couch before you pass out?” Duck doesn’t mean to sound grumpy, but Indrid just bumped into two sore spots in Duck’s psyche.

Oddly, Indrid snickers, “I forgot how stubborn you can be. Very well, I accept your offer of the couch.”

By the time Duck gets back with a spare pillow, the Sylph is asleep, chirping peacefully. 

------------------------------------------------

“What are you doing?”

“GAHfuck”

“Apologies.” Indrid only looks partially sorry, his human grin wide when Duck glares at him. 

“That some sort of Sylph silence spell?”

“No, just years of practice trying not to be heard in the halls when I was seer.” 

Last Duck saw him, he was still asleep on the couch, mumbling and chirring in pain when Duck changed the bandage. Duck would like to say that’s all he remembers, except there was a moment after he finished and Indrid’s eyes fluttered open as he sighed out a “thank you.” And that sight, the way Indrid looked in the morning light, safe and trusting, had tugged at his heart. 

“May I keep you company? I am not in much of a state to do much else, even watch futures. Hitting my head tends to do that.” 

“Uh, sure. I’m on my own for the mornin, not sure how excitin it will be.”

“I wish to know everything.”

Duck’s about to make a crack about being careful what you wish for when he gets a good look at Indrid’s face. The Sylph is grinning eagerly and is even flapping his hands a bit as he speaks.

“I want to see what you see in this jungle.”

So Duck shows him, everything from the saplings they’ve chosen to the creatures darting in and out of view. Indrid asks questions and makes excited noises, but mostly he listens, lets Duck talk or not as it pleases him. They’ve been in a stretch of silence when Duck turns and guffaws. 

Indrid, sitting on a log, is covered in butterflies, some as big as Duck’s hand and in all colors of the rainbow. 

“Guess they know a relative when they see one.”

The Sylph beams, “I was wondering how long it would be before you noticed.”

“Wait, did you summon them?”

“No, they just sort of...do this. It may be for moth reasons, or perhaps I have eaten so much sugar they smell it in my pores. I was, however, hoping they would join me, because I foresaw it making you happy.”

That same affection sparks in Duck’s chest.

“Alright, you heard enough from me today. Now I wanna know all about what you been doin since the world didn’t end.”

Indrid tells him about his attempts to stay in Kepler, his promise to Stern to not get photographed too much, his relentless teasing of Barclay for falling in love with the agent. His travels to other states to stop disasters, newly energized in his successes in Kepler.

“If you can call them that,”

“I’d say you can.”

Indrid holds out his hand, studying the speckled butterfly perched on it, “You renewed so much of my belief that things could change. At the cottonwood, when you promised me you’d find  a way to stop what was coming, stop the sinkhole I...it meant a great deal. Even if your method of freeing me was rather, ah, abrupt.”

He rubs the back of his neck, “Yep, not my best plan, but it worked.”

“The bruise only lasted nine days, it was worth it in the end.”

Duck shoots him a playfully hurt smile, “Hey, don’t make me feel bad, I apologized.”

Indrid raises an eyebrow.

“Oh fuck” Duck tugs his hat down over his eyes, “I didn’t, I never fuckin apologized for punchin you.”

“In your defense, there were more pressing matters.” There it is again, that resignation. Duck wants to yank it out of Indrid’s tone and stomp it to bits. Instead, he steps forward, rests a hand on each of Indrid’s biceps. 

“Indrid, I’m so fuckin sorry. Even if it helped save you, I’m sorry you got hurt again and it was me that did it.”

“I…” Indrid closes his mouth, opens it again, repeats that motion before managing, “I did not see that reply coming.” He smiles a new smile, small and secretive, as if he’s been given something precious, “thank you for saying that, Duck.”

-----------------------------------------------------

“I see why they call it a rainforest.” Indrid stares out the window as drops batter it.

“Yep.” Duck zips up his raincoat, smirking at the bundled up silver haired man, “guessin you ain’t joinin me?”

“I do not enjoy wet weather. Though if you want company I can oh, no, never mind.”

Duck’s radio crackles, and a quick conversation informs him that the conditions at the current reforestation site are too swamped to get anything done.

“Guess I got the day off. Uh, what do you wanna do?”

“I planned to draw and track futures, but I foresee you offering to teach me a card game, and I prefer that future.”

They end up on the floor by the couch, since Indrid seldom sits in chairs in a normal way anyway, mug of coffee in front of Duck and tea with half the sugar jar in front of Indrid. Duck teaches him several games, and as they play Indrid gets going on a tangent about his stint as a cardshark in Las Vegas, and the years he relied on hitchhiking to get around. Duck tells him about growing up in Kepler, about all the years between turning eighteen and now, the ones that plenty of people in his life treated as irrelevant to his life story. 

They end up playing and talking until nightfall. Duck knows he should head to bed, that he has work tomorrow, but he doesn’t want to stop hearing Indrid’s laugh or seeing him scribble down futures. 

He misses him when he goes to sleep.

Around eleven, his body makes an executive decision and he nods off leaning against the couch. He wakes up a few hours later to fluff on his cheek and comforting weight across his chest. Opening his eyes, he finds his head is in Indrid’s lap and a large black wing blankets him. 

Even in his sleep, Indrid is terrifying in this form. At least, that's the argument his brain makes; Indrid is huge and alien, dangerous when he wants to be. 

His heart disagrees. There’s nothing to be scared of. Indrid is his friend, wants nothing from him other than to get to know him. He’s soft, that helps, and clearly thinks of Duck as someone worth protecting. The sleep chirping is pretty fucking cute, too. 

Red eyes open, two nightlights in the dark cabin. Indrid’s antenna are twitching and he’s clicking the claws of his upper hands together. 

“Apologies, you sort of nodded off while we were talking and I caught you when you tipped over. I felt odd carrying you to bed, and this form seemed better to lay on, and then you started shivering so I put my wing-oh.”

Duck rolls over so he’s on his side, facing Indrid’s fuzzy abdomen, “Not complainin’, ‘Drid. Just adjustin’.”

He shuts his eyes, and for a moment clawtips trace his hair.

“Goodnight, Duck.”

----------------------------------------------

He’s been living with Duck for three months now. Far too long to count as “recovery” and thoroughly pushing the definition of “vacation.” Indrid doesn’t want to go. And Duck doesn’t want him to either, if his actions are any indication. He’s fixed up the one spare room to be a guest room, includes Indrid in planning out the week, including planning a few day trips on the days he isn’t working. It's as if he wants Indrid around.

(It’s as if he wants a future with him).

Indrid can no longer attribute it solely to loneliness. Yes, Duck misses his friends and family, but he clearly gets along with his fellow rangers and the other staff on the project, and in that very Duck way of his has become a regular at places in the nearby town, having enough Portuguese to ask the woman who runs the cafe about her grandkids or the mail carrier how his garden is doing. 

Which means he’s keeping Indrid around out of pity, charity, or genuine affection. That the last option even exists makes Indrid want to take to the sky in celebratory flight. 

He’s been alive a  long time. He knows what a crush feels like, and he knows that's what he feels for Duck. He also feels it deepening into something else, and if he could be sure the ranger felt the same he’d tell him in an instant. 

His crush is not helped by the fact that Duck asked if he wanted to go for a weekend in Porto Velho and how they’re here, on their second night, at a spot that's a little fancier than Indrid is used to, with Duck looking extra-handsome across from him. 

Come to think of it, Duck’s looked rather more put-together all weekend, even when they were in parks rather than museums (at the former he’d laughed when Indrid was alarmed by the far too big fish, and at the latter he seemed like he was actually listening when Indrid talked about art).

Duck keeps fidgeting during dinner, and Indrid suddenly understands; this is a farewell weekend. He’s going to ask Indrid to leave, is trying to soften the blow. 

When Indrid declines dessert, the ranger actually frowns with worry, covers it by jokingly asking if Indrid is sick. By the time they get back to the hotel, Indrid is so nervous he can't get the timelines to cooperate in his mind, and so he decides to be proactive. 

Duck doesn’t turn the lights on, inclining his head towards the balcony. Indrid follows him out into the night air, the city bathing them in light from below and the moonlight cascading down to meet it. Indrid leans on the railing looking out. Duck leans next to him, so close Indrid can count the laugh lines on his face.

“This has been a wonderful trip, thank you for bringing me.”

“Yeah?” Duck’s face brightens, borders on excitement as he turns his body slightly towards Indrid, “I’m glad to hear that. I, uh, worked real hard on plannin it for us.”

Indrid nods, glances back out towards the cit, “I will be out of your hair as soon as we get back ho-, to, ah, to the cabin.”

Duck’s entire frame crumples inwards, “Oh, uh...okay. Yeah. If that's what you need to do, uh, you, uh, you do it.”

Indrid cups his cheek, forcing his fingers to stay still, “Thank you for letting me stay. And for planning me such a lovely send off.”

“Indrid, how could I plan for somethin I didn’t think was happenin?” 

“Ah, um, I simply assumed-”

“‘Drid” Duck steps closer, “do you think I want you gone?”

No point in lying now, not when Duck is always so truthful. 

“Yes.”

“Did I do somethin? Is this too much? Fuck, it is, ain’t it, I knew the whole romantic dinner for two thing was gonna be too far.”

Indrid has been alive a long time. The fact he can still be this oblivious is remarkable to him. 

“‘Drid, I’m so fuckin sorry, I uh, I thought-” He gasps when Indrid guides his face up for a kiss, and he’s so warm and comforting and there and he’s kissing Indrid bck, kissing him like it’s all he remembers how to do

When they break the kiss Indrid grins, “You thought right, Duck.”

“Oh thank fuckin god.” 

With that Duck pounces, hooking his hands under Indrid’s thighs and lifting him up, kissing him over and over on their somewhat precarious trip to the bed. 

Indridi has had plenty of sleepless nights. This turns out to be the first time he enjoys one. 

And several months later, when Duck returns to Kepler for the screening of a very special episode of Saturday Night Dead, Indrid steps off the plane with him, grinning in the West Virginia Sun.

[maddiefriendlovesbilly]

Spencer x Ghost?

Spencer x Ghost

(AAAAA- it has been months since you sent this to me, and all i can say is im so sorry) Side note I have my friend @lethalbreadkills helping me with this one!

For reference: Maddie (maddiefriendlovesbilly) is green, Jimmy (lethalbreadkills) is red (((its 4:30 at the time i have joined this so im dead braincell wise sorry yall))) and Orange is stuff we decided together :3

Also this is so very chaotic im so sorry for this anon but this has been in my fuckin drafts for SO LONG and this is the only way its getting finished (its now 5 am uwu) im so sorry for all the shitposting i do its a mess. I shouldnt have been allowed here. (we finished at about 5:30 am its hell <3)

Sphost? Ghencer?? Sphoster??? I adore and despise them all equally.

We have decided that it should be BeanieGhost

Anyway I think this ship is really cute

They’re both so neurotic I can only imagine the chaos that would ensue

One of them starts a rant on some topic and the other joins the hell in

I’m an advocate of LETTING SPENCER INFO DUMP BECAUSE HE DESERVES IT OKAY

And Ghost would let this dream come true???

I would die for both of them and if Spencer told me I had to die I wouldn’t even complain, no questions I’d just be like “Aight.” I trust him that much.

(Not sure I trust Ghost’s judgment enough to do that unquestioningly; sorry Ghost)

Back on topic

I can’t imagine these guys on anything that comes close to society’s definition of a date

It’d be more like “hey you wanna come on this hunt with us?” “maybe, depends if there’ll be snacks” or like chilling in Spence’s room binging the entire star trek: original series in one sitting or “oops sorry about that level 11 entity that attached to my soul and is now wreaking havoc in your house, wanna make out later to make up for it?” “Fine but you also have to play three rounds of Call of Duty with me afterward”

They wouldn’t be romantic often but like highkey? I can see them throwing themselves into the line of fire for each other with a recklessness only they could survive

We can’t forget that Spencer is a more than 60,000-year-old overpowered demon/god/entity/thing, which, yes, could throw a slight wrench in this ship for multiple reasons, but I choose to make angst out of it instead.

Side note: Ghost is a chronic conspiracy theorist (and you can’t tell me otherwise) and every once in awhile Spencer will offhandedly say something like “Y’know I helped the Egyptians build the pyramids” and Ghost just goes fucking feral.

Look, I’m not saying Spencer IS touch-starved and most likely has issues creating and developing relationships and therefore avoids interpersonal connection, especially offline, but I AM saying he is prime material for it. (thats a lie thats exactly what shes saying don’t believe it) (I’m projecting okay dont judge me) (loser imagine projecting)

Imagine with me for a second: Why does Spencer willingly stay with a family who locks him in their basement with only minor complaining? He’s a near all-powerful entity just released into the world for Spence’s-sake - If he wanted to, there’s no telling what havoc he could wreak! So why doesn’t he? Why would someone so powerful, so terrifying, so dangerous that a group of people decided to seal him away forever stay with the first family he finds in sub-par conditions for years - especially someone who’s seen to be as high-maintenance as Spencer? Let me hit you with a theory: He’s chasing the feelings of validation, safety, and love - no matter how rarely it’s shown - that a family can provide. Being socially isolated for even a few years can do a number to a person’s psyche (I should know, I’m projecting onto this character right now), let alone thousands.

Now maybe Ghost can’t match thousands of years in isolation, but damn if he doesn’t have a few years of crippling loneliness on his record too.

I can see the two of them learning how to be vulnerable around others together, emotionally and physically; learning how to open up and how to talk through issues; and some third point, because points are better in threes.

(May I suggest that these losers are both trans but thats just me adding in my own projection lmao)

(You absolutely may)

Imagine the conversation thats just “so i have a murderer in my head thats an ass” “rip to u ig sounds like a you problem :///”

imo spence has trouble expressing emotions other than like,,, annoyance and haughtiness, its like sort of his go-to defence, so showing Ghost his emotions is a big step for him

I hear you, and i say yes good. (found this one headcanon that i kinda live by where he was uh, either autistic or adhd i dont remember but theres that too) OH yeah that would be at thing huh. Spencer: *is emotionally vulnerable @ ghost* ghost: oh shit im trusted??? Oh fuck uh.

Yeah so like…. Ghost and spence showing emotion at eachother is kind of :flushed: ghost be like: whats an emotion. Imagine having emotions fuciiing loser hhaha,,,, *laughs nervously*

Ghost is also very emotionally distant with most people so it would probably be like “what??? The fuck?? Emotions?????? You have those???”

Ghost and Spencer be like *gay*

So another idea is that maybe Spencer realizes Ghost doesnt play any games [like the uncultured SWINE he is] and decides he must [remedy] this and so he introduces him to like, nintendo first. (some bitches thought that said nintendo fortnite. Im bitches) and theyre playing like, mario kart or smash or smth and Ghost gets really [fuckin into it]

Ghost and spencer: *literally in eachothers laps playing fucking wii tennis*

Spooker: what are the- *TOAST FUCKING SLAPS A HAND ACROSS HIS MOUTH* shut up you dont wanna know what happens when its mentsonssbfdjfsd (sorry i had a stroke uwuwuwuw)

(Theyre in denial we don’t judge in this house)

They will not hesitate to play dirty either, they will straight up push each other over and vaguely flirt

Ghost is losing and straight up fucking goes “ur hot” and spencer actually dies and boom ghost is the winner. sparkle emoji Magic sparkle emoji

“I am Not a HomoSexual:™:” “Yeah, sure you aren’t” “Screw off”

Pet-names-ish: Asshole, Gaymer-Boy, casual insults, Mr. Spirit Bitch, Mistake, Loves Ghosts More Than His Boyfriend What A Fucking Loser aka Gay-ass

Pros:

They both open up a lot most likely. Gain someone to trust since they’ve sort of been through the same things (though on much different scales)

I can see soft hours of hanging in each other’s bedrooms

Spencer is a tsundere you cant tell me otherwise youre just a coward if you disagree

So is Ghost so this can only go well

Every time Ghost has to solve a case at the Acachallas Spence is just peaking out from his basement like “the fuck is this?? Hot Man??????”

Enemies to lovers 500k (Gets Hot and Steamy :flushed: NOT CLICKBAIT!!!!11!!!!! 18+!!!!!!! GAY LOVE StORY!!!!!!) Lemonz!!! Made from teh Sexiest of Wattpaders UWUWUWU YAOI Boys Love don’t like don’t read!! (this is so fucking stupid jkfnd) I hate this with a passion Q^Q. All my years of being a basic watpad fanboy have helped me to the moment i bring maddie to tears

The steam is just like,,,,, holding hands and being angy all the fuckin time the steam is literal because their anger translates into actual steam

Cons:

Their angst has nowhere to go and it just sits between them like two raccoons at a dumpster-style mexican standoff

They really start off hating each other huh. Like, I know this can still lead to healthy relationships but neither of them are very good at healthy relationships with people he hasn’t known for his Whole Life so that’s an Oh No.

They totally feed off of each other’s stupidity (but this could be seen as a pro too so take that as you will) as well as anger - im talking one-upping each other kinda shit

Its ridiculous honestly how intense it gets, like they straight up need intervention sometimes because they dont realize they can just STOP

Conclusions:

I think this would be a relationship that would that a lot of time and hard work to make work, but i think in the end it would be really super cute!! Like it would make no fuckin sense to anyone else but somehow they’d understand each other and help each other through their similar issues. Also theyre both big nerds in different ways and i think they’d have just ranting sessions back and forth over and over and it would be soft!!!!! So yeah, i think it would work, at least, i want it to :D

So. Maybe?? I feel like it could, but they’d need to work pretty hard to make it healthy and not constant fighting. Could be stupid amounts of cute and wholesome but also could be stupid amounts of oh no and pain, depending on how the two act. If they learned how to get along with each other and work past their differences it could be super cute and soft. Just a very, er, bumpy beginning. And middle. And end. (this makes me very nervous,,,,why did you mention an end) (wouldnt you like to know weather boy) (TvT) UFDUNS bumpy but soft . Agreeing with the loser gay, want this to work it’d be interesting :3

[bolbianddolanhouse]

BNHA self insert AU [Book 4]

CATCH UP! Book 1 * 2 * 3

Chapter 4: Lets Get Fuckin FUNKY!

Not that big of a time skip, the twins are nearing the end of their second year of middle school. Hanaka has special training time with her dad. Tensei still has to reach out to his mother on quirk training, mainly because he’s been debating and making a new sound for his band. 

“...points to the opposed, Iida and Tanaka move on to the next round.”

The room erupted with cheer as the debate duo stood up to give their bows. Tensei was internally psyched out of his mind! He was at Japan’s Grand Prix Debate Tournament and he just got his team to move on to the semi-finals. If they do well in semis, Nationals next year is a guarantee!

“Gentlemen, I won’t lie” Tensei tried to hold it in “the moment they slipped up in their cross examination, they were done for!”

“We saw that! The way you pushed up your glasses before giving your final statement was iconic” gushed one of his teammates.

“Lets go get some food before they do the final draw” suggested one of the boys “They have good food here!”

“Hup! Iida-kun, may I have a word before you go on your lunch?” requested the new coach.

“Ummm sure” Tensei walked toward the coach, then quickly turned back to the group “Get me yakisoba! I don’t know how long I’m going to be.”

The coach waited until the other boys were out of earshot “Alright, you’re not in trouble and nothing is wrong. I wanted to let you know that I spoke to a coach at Waseda Uni.”

“Waseda is here?!” gasped Tensei.

The new coach smiled “I thought you might react like that! They have you on their radar. If you play your cards right, you might be looking at scholarships and offers to get into their humanities programs when you apply for college.”

“That does sound ideal” Tensei pondered out loud “I’ll do my best to make this a clean sweep for our school.”

“Oh and another thing! Are you doing this next year too?”

Tensei got sheepish “I’m not sure anymore. Since I’m still going with my plan to do hero school after middle school” he sighed “That big infraction on my school record doesn’t look too good on me to go to those privates with their absolute units of debaters. I don’t really see the point of doing a third year of this if I’m going down that route.”

“Well, if you change your mind” the coach takes out a pin from his satchel “I’d love to have you as my student coach for next school year.”

Tensei gasped “You want me as Club Senpai?!”

He nodded as they handed Tensei the tiny gold pin “I can’t think of anyone else that’s more than capable.”

“Oh I can’t possibly take this” Tensei handed back the pin “I don’t have a definite answer.”

“Hold on to it, think it over” the coach pushed Tensei’s hand back gently “Give it back on the first day of third year if you’re not joining. I trust you won’t forget nor misplace it until then.”

That was the biggest power move Tensei has ever witnessed. He continued to get his school to the finals and 2nd place overall that day. On the car ride home, Tensei was lost in his thoughts.

“...Tensei? Did you hear me?”

He snapped out of it “Huh?! No, sorry! What did you say mom?”

“I asked if you wanted McDonalds” repeated his Mother.

“Oh...yes please”

His mother turned into the street of the McDonalds their family frequents.

“You’re not as excited as I thought you might’ve been” his mother waited to say until after they ordered “What happened mijo?”

Tensei sighed “I am happy and psyched to get our school into nationals again. And this win is a pretty good note to end on...but should I stop here?”

“Oh I see, you don’t want to quit the team huh?”

“Yeah! And things are making me want to stay” Tensei gushed “Like, coach wants me to be club senpai AND Waseda has me on their radar! Too good to pass up but I want to get started on my quirk training for hero school. I’m not sure if I can juggle everything for my third year.”

They pulled up to the pick up window.

“As a mother, I want to tell you to do the right thing and sacrifice one thing to help you focus” His mother started “But as the chaotic, over-achiever, ‘fuck you, don’t tell me what to do!’ personality I am... Fuckin do it all! Flex on everyone and be THAT bitch. I believe in you.”

Tensei wasn’t expecting that from his own mother “Huh? How is being in a band, being club senpai and hero training flexing on them?”

“Did you listen to yourself saying that sentence?! That sounds cool as hell!” giggled his mother “I’ve gone through all the juggling in my school years and turned out as this absolute beast! Before I married your father I was one of the most powerful women in Japan already with my status as a top agent, college degree and CEO of my security robot company. I didn’t have to get married and start a family Tensei...but I wanted nothing more than to have a family of my own. And I did! All without giving up a single thing, now I’m THE most powerful woman in all of Japan, would you want to mess with a married woman that’s not only smarter, stronger, richer and has four kids?”

Tensei shook his head in fear “If you put it in perspective like that, I would be scared to be on your bad side. With all those titles, it feels like you can make me disappear in a snap.”

“Now imagine yourself! Tensei Oro Iida: Musician, Lawyer and Hero. Serving justice in and out of the court in the day, playing a gigs in the night!”

“Hmmm, that does sound pretty cool” Tensei receives the bag of food on his lap “You really think I can do it?”

“OH I know you can!” his mother exited out of the drive thru and towards home “You’re my son, my children are capable of the impossible.”

That filled Tensei with motivation to juggle all those titles. 

But meanwhile, the girls are having a girls night at Petti’s place.

“Oh my! Is this you guys?” gushed Twinkle at the framed photo in the living room “You were so tiny! In your little dresses and with your dads!”

Hanaka looked over Twinkle’s shoulder “Your dad kept this picture framed Petti? This was so long ago!”

“Nya! It’s the only nice picture we took ‘member?” Kyanka giggled as she flopped onto the couch “We threw a temper tantrum so bad that we lost control of our quirks.”

“Ah yes, good times” reminisced Petti as she brought out the snacks “My dad kept that one framed because it was the one time I willingly put on a dress and smiled.” She pointed to the other pictures on the wall “You can see in the other ones that I wear alt-core and scowl.”

Twinkle looked at the other pictures as the other girls ate snacks. 

“If you don’t mind me asking” Twinkled started off “Where’s your mother Petti?”

Kyanka and Hanaka stopped their snacking to turn to Petti. They know that she doesn’t respond well to that question and braced themselves in case she activates her Dark Shadow.

“My mom? She’s not in the picture sadly” sighed Petti, surprisingly calm “Dad tells me I was abandoned at his door as an egg. And she never returned to get to know me, so it’s just been my dad and I. Dad doesn’t have family either.”

“Oh I’m sorry I brought it up!”

“No it’s alright! I’m okay telling you” smiled Petti “Like, my dad tries really hard to raise me right. But it’s tough being a single dad and hero! Hanaka’s mom is basically my mother figure and I ask her all my girl questions that I don’t want to ask my dad.” She looks at the her cup of pink drink “I really want to meet my mom someday though. I have her eye color, skin tone and quirk trigger according to my dad. So I get my hot-headed nature from her and I kinda wish I got her normal face and not a bird head! But I don’t have an idea where she could be.”

“That’s so wholesome of you” Twinkle got teary-eyed “I hope you do get to meet your mom. Maybe when we become heroes, you’ll have the resources to find her!”

“That’s the goal” Petti stretched her back “Hopefully she’d want to be in my life at that point, I like to think that she just doesn’t like children.”

Hanaka spoke up “Now that I think about it, all of us look to my mom as their mother figure.”

“But aren’t your parents are together Kyanka?” questioned Twinkle.

“My mom old as hell” blurted Kyanka “How my dad got suckered into getting with an older woman is beyond me, nya. But she’s always away for hero work with the Wild Wild Pussycats, so I ask Hanaka’s mom for girl advice too. She’s a good woman but I wish she’d just, retire and act her age” sighed the cat girl as she flexed her paws “I may not show it, but I’m scared that with her age and not being in her prime anymore, she’s going to die on the job. It’s scary to think about it and I can’t do anything to stop her from going to work. That’s why I want to be a hero, so I can take her place as a rescue hero, making her retire.”

Twinkle was bawling at this point “Such noble causes! You guys are making me miss my mama.”

“Oh geez, get it together girl” Petti stands up “I’ll get you some tissues.”

“Yea, noble causes” Hanaka repeated aloud, making her pause to think “I don’t really have a reason to be a hero. Other than I can and have the means to do so, my parents never made me do something because of our status or family name.” She looked in the reflection of her cup “I don’t really know what I’m good at. Tensei got all the talent and smarts, I have the quirks and good genes.”

“Aww don’t compare yourself with your twin again” Petti said as she walked in with a fistful of tissues “You’re talented in your own way.”

“Oh yea? Name one thing- THAT ISN’T QUIRK RELATED!” Hanaka huffed.

Petti handed the loose tissues to Twinkle “Easy! You’re charismatic, people think you’re cute and go all mushy and do things for you with little interaction.”

“Ooh! You have a good sense of distance” Kyanka blurted “With just a glance, you know how far something is. AND you’re always quick to help out with things, even if you’re not sure if you’re a good fit for the job! ‘member when you volunteered to do the food stall in 1st year?”

Twinkle blew her nose “You’re a good friend! You integrated me into your group and share your food with me. And from the stories Kyanka and Petti tell, you’re always the first one to start things, a natural leader!”

Hanaka was touched “Aww guys, you’re too much!”

“Can you guys not cry at my house?!” Petti tossed a loose tissue at Hanaka “Seriously! I’m trying to chill with the girls, not get all sappy.”

Not too much time passes and it’s graduation season! Of course the ones graduating are Lili and Iwata from their respected institues. Everyone is home for the holidays and decisions have to be made.

“What’s up with you two?” Lili asked as she looked up from her phone “Usually something would be on fire and it’s too quiet for having a full house. What is going on?”

Hanaka and Tensei were face down in the middle of the living room.

“Shh, they’re communicating” Iwata teased “But deadass, why are you guys so quiet?”

Tensei lifted his head to speak “I’m tired as hell! Mom got me on her training regime and my legs are refusing to work.”

Hanaka flipped over “Ow! And Dad had me do so much reading that my brain hurt and eyes burn.”

“Oh man, I remember those days” sighed Lili with a smile “The mental and physical pain of hero training. Aren’t you glad you’re done with all that Iwee?”

“Yup! Thought I’d never get out of that cycle of pain” Iwata sighed back “Just wait until you realize you’re gay after a series of weird events happen.”

“But that part was my favorite!” beamed Lili.

Hanaka furrowed her brow “That sounds like a you thing. We actually have friends.”

“We have friends too!”

“Yea, the ones you’re dating and are going to marry someday!”

Lili and Iwata tried to think of a rebuttal but their little sister was right.

“ANYWAYS! How prepared are you guys for the entrance exam?” Lili asked.

Tensei groaned “Man, I forgot about that! Why can’t we just, take a written exam like a normal school.”

“It’s not that bad, come on Tensei” Iwata coaxed his brother to stand up “The telekinesis shit is kinda hard to master. But you can flex what that metal bending quirk can do to those robos!”

“Literally, you two have the upper hand to easily pass” Lili explained “The test hasn’t changed in decades! It’s always the robots and the ‘big boy’ robot is worth 0 points BUT you get rescue points if you either save someone from it’s path or you destroy it out of safety of others.”

“Then why did you two struggle?” asked Tensei, not believing that the exam is that simple.

“We can go fast but our second quirks aren’t power based” Lili snapped her fingers to instantly transform the curtain into a pair of pants “imagine that but in battle! The most useful thing I’ve done is make netting and a hot air balloon to transport my classmates! I had to learn certain fighting styles and have multiple support items for me to be on par with everyone else.”

Iwa levitated everything in the living room “And I can do all the floaty things but I’m not like mom, where I can crush things with my mind!” he throws a pillow with force at a wall “that’s my ‘force’ with my quirk, yea it helps me fly for a short amount of time but I wasn’t strong enough to stop a robot from attacking me when I was entering UA.”

Hanaka flails her arms “Okay okay I get it! We’re stronger by default! Put me down now!”

“Oof forgot you don’t like getting levitated” Iwata quickly set everything down “But please don’t feel so helpless, we’d kill to have the advantages you two have.”

The twins faced at each other and exchanged looks.

“If you say so” sighed Tensei “Then I guess we’re ready.”

“YAY!” the older siblings cheered and did the little quick claps.

“Don’t clap and cheer! We’re not babies!” barked the twins.

Just out of sight were their parents, looking on at the sight of their children being their usual selves.

“It was getting too quiet around here” whispered Tenya as he hugged his wife from behind “I feel complete.”

“Enjoy it while you can love” Ita whispered back “Our nest is going to be empty sooner than you think!” She gave her husband a quick kiss “Okay ninos, visitas are at the gates. The living room should be nice and tidy! I got the curtains special made for this year’s theme!”

The kids glanced at the pants that were once the curtains and then to the disorganized furniture, shit!

“Okay mom we’ll fix the living room!” Iwa spoke up “No need to come in here and check! You go and greet the guests!”

Lili frantically fixed the pants-curtains as the twins fixed the couch cushions and Iwa floated everything back to the original layout. Just like when they were younger.

With new confidence and old support, suddenly the new part of the twin’s lives isn’t so scary. 

-Chapter 4, End-

<Previous - Next>

[justjessame]

The Deal Chapter 33

I managed to regain my composure, eventually. Negan had watched me, the entire time, just watching as though I were some type of entertainment for him. Seems an odd way to kill time when he had his harem on standby, but who am I to judge? Once I was back under control, at least more manageable control, I leaned back in my chair worn out. Fuck emotions.

“Feel better, Jessi?” He asked, and I could feel the smugness rolling off of him.

The urge to tell him to go fuck himself was overwhelming. Instead, I turned my face to the wall and thought about how to retort. “Why are you here?” If he could ask questions, why couldn’t I?

He snorted. “I run the damn place, princess.” I turned back to face him, seeing the fucking glee on his face.

“No,” I said, shaking my head and glancing between the two of us. “Why are you HERE?”

He squinted, confusion replacing his pleasure of his own power. “Here? In my fucking bedroom?”

I bit my lip, enjoying the turning of the tables. “Yes, here, in YOUR bedroom, with ME. Why are you HERE with me when you have-” I shot a thumb toward where I was sure his harem was waiting with bated breath, ready and far more willing to enjoy his company than me. Because I wanted a fucking break. I wanted to have a breather, a moment to just not.

It dawned on him, and he smirked, dimples showing. “Jessi, are you jealous, sweetheart?”

It was my turn to snort. Jealous? Of what? “Why would I be jealous?” I looked at him like he’d lost HIS fucking mind. How the hell did he think he was going to ‘help’ me if he was batshit insane himself?

His eyebrow quirked. Clearly he was a firm believer in his own attractiveness. Wow, that damn ego, how does he fit through the damn door? “Want to get rid of me?” I nodded, finally figured it out, didn’t you? He chuckled and it was a deep earthy sound. “Not happening, sweetheart. Not yet, anyway.” Fuck.

“I’m not suicidal.” I practically growled. “If I were, then why wouldn’t I have used MY gun or MY knife to kill myself?” I didn’t add that since he’d taken them and done fuck knew what with them it wasn’t like I had access to any other fucking implements of self destruction. What did he think, I was going to fashion a noose out of his sheets?

Negan was leaning back in his own chair, and we were like mirror images. “You keep saying that, but, let’s just say I’m not ready to trust it.” I had a sudden urge to roll my eyes. “Am I really that terrible company?”

I considered it. If he was quiet and I was sleeping, it wasn’t torture. If he was digging through my psyche, then yes, he sucked for company. “Depends.” Was the answer I settled on.

“On?” Damn him, fucking curiosity. I wanted him to go, to leave me or send me to this promised purpose. Not talk me to death.

“How quiet you are.” There, take that.

He laughed, full bodied, eyes sparkling, and dimples fully in show. “I bet you were fucking amazing before.” I knew what he meant, before I broke. Before I locked myself away inside of my own head. “I can almost see it, almost.” His eyes, I noticed, changed colors. Not like mine do, but still.

“Has my purpose here been decided?” I asked, anything to get space from him. Away. Alone.

He shook his head. “Like I said, princess, I don’t trust it.” He didn’t trust ME he meant. Didn’t trust me to keep this, my newly present self.

When night fell, I was still sitting with him. We’d eaten, he had food brought up for us, and he kept his word. I ate what he ate. And damn it if he didn’t eat too much. A trip to the bathroom to get ready for bed and I had a flash of wonder. Where had he been sleeping?

I came out of the bathroom and he was lying on the bed with his back against the headboard. No, he couldn't have. I would have known. Wouldn’t I? “You planning on sleeping in that fucking doorway?” He shot a look over at me and I knew my eyes were wide. What the fuck?

“If you toss me a blanket, I’ll take the sofa.” I said, walking toward it, suddenly aware of the fact that I was wearing only a damn t-shirt. The same one he’d given me to change into. I was thankful that he was taller, because it meant all my important parts were covered, but I was still very aware that I was bare from mid-thigh to feet.

He shook his head. “Get in the damn bed, Jessi.” I watched him roll his eyes. “When I said I wouldn’t ‘join you’, I mean I wouldn’t JOIN you.” Just, fuck. “You didn’t seem to fucking notice before.”

Of course I didn’t. I was escaping into my own fucking darkness, and YOU pulled me part way out of it. So it’s YOUR fault that I’m aware now. I was glaring at him. “Why can’t I sleep on the damn sofa?”

He got out of bed and walked over to where I was standing near the sofa. He took my hand and pulled me to his bed. HIS bed that I was now firmly aware I’d slept next to him in for two damn nights. “You aren’t sleeping on the fucking sofa because I’m a fucking gentleman.” He lifted me by the waist and put me to bed as though I was a testy toddler. “I’m not planning on groping you, for shit’s sake.” He tucked me in, blankets pulled up to my chin. “We’ve been sharing the damn bed, get the fuck over it.”

He crawled into the other side of the bed after he’d turned off the lights. Nearly complete darkness surrounded us and made me far too aware of him. We weren’t touching, there was probably enough space between us for a wife or two, but still I KNEW he was there. And the bed wasn’t comfortable. How had I fallen away before? Why wouldn’t the fucking darkness rise up and grab me again? Damn it.

I was still awake when the sun rose. Still lying on the damn bed, flat as a board, completely awake and aware. Negan had stolen it. He’d taken away my nowhere. My nothing. My mask. And he snores.

Once it was light in the room, I climbed out of bed. I hadn’t looked out of the window. I hadn’t explored. And I wanted to.

The view wasn’t spectacular, but it was something. I was leaning against the frame, and just looking, wondering what happens next. Negan would give me a job, I vaguely recalled him explaining some during the tour. I squinted through the sun light streaming through the glass, what had I seen and heard? What else had I missed?

I heard the rustle of sheets from behind me, alerting me that Negan was awake. I didn’t turn to face him. I wanted to enjoy my solitude for a bit longer. I felt raw and tired. I felt like I was more exposed than I was, still only in the t-shirt and panties that I’d worn to bed.

Negan must have gotten out of bed, because I heard the bathroom door shut. I gave him silent thanks for giving me time alone. I let my mind wander back to Alexandria. To Dad. To Carl. To Daryl. They were like sand through my fingers. I felt something, but it was fleeting and I couldn’t grasp it and hold on to it.

I heard him come out of the bathroom, and I still didn’t turn. I didn’t say a word. I was trying so hard to hold on to the little piece of peace I had left. I could tell that he’d sat in ‘his’ seat. Which meant he had a clear view of me, or the back of me anyway.

“You know, staring a hole in a person is pretty damn creepy.” I said to the window.

He chuckled. “I was wondering if you were planning on jumping.” I groaned. Although, if he were willing to joke about it, maybe-

I turned and found him reclining in his seat, feet on the table before him, his hands behind his head. He looked well rested. That made one of us. “Sleep well?” I asked with only a hint of the irritation that I was feeling. Ugh, feelings.

“Like a baby, chock full of mama’s milk. You?” I could feel my nose wrinkle. “You look pretty fuckin' tense."

Seriously, darkness, now would be a fabulous time to come rushing back playing Pied Piper for me. Then I wouldn’t have to acknowledge him or his mocking. “The bed wasn’t comfortable. It was like I was the princess in The Princess and the Pea.”

He laughed. “Never been called a goddamn pea before.” I guess not, since I’m sure you’ve been called things that would make a former sailor blush. “I stayed on my side of the bed, sweetheart, so why couldn’t you sleep?”

Of course he would think it was about him. I REALLY wanted my former numb self. Blowing through this bargain without having to FEEL anything would make it much easier. I closed my eyes, searching for the way back. My way back to nowhere.

“Jessi?” His voice wasn’t as clear. Was it working? “Jessica Grimes, open your damn eyes.” Ugh, just like my feelings for Dad and my family it slipped away.

My eyes snapped open into a glare. “Why?” I asked, hearing the pain in my own voice. “Why did you have to meddle in something that wasn’t your fucking business?” I didn’t wait for his answer, I walked to the bathroom and shut the door. And just in case he thought I’d mindlessly follow his damn orders, I flicked the lock on the door.

[aewriting]

You Can't Jump the Track - Part 5

Here is all is on AO3

Warnings for mention of firearms, restraints.

***

Whatever reaction Michael is expecting… this isn’t it.

As soon as the words leave his mouth, Alex just, just crumples. Turns away from Michael, fast, as if he doesn’t want him to witness this. He’s bringing a hand up to his mouth now. Michael’s straining against the ropes, trying to take in details, desperately attempting to piece together what exactly is going on. Gun’s still on the coffee table, far out of reach, thank god.  Alex has stepped farther away from him now, is actually leaving the room, going down a hall. 

Michael swallows nervously.  Is, is he getting something? Like, to use on him? Threaten him with?

It’s a long five minutes or so before Alex returns and, really, he’s looking at Michael as if nothing ever happened.  Sits down in the chair, calmly.

“We need to talk.  About what you just told me.”

Michael’s quiet. Alex looks at him expectantly, until it’s clear that Michael has no intention of responding.  “I, I owe you some information, too. I’m thinking we take turns.  Like, you get a question, then I get a question.  All I ask is that we’re honest with each other.  Like, if you don’t want to answer, just say that, but I don’t… don’t want us to lie to each other.”

Michael narrows his eyes.  “Easy for you to say.  You’re not the one tied to the chair right now.”

“No,” Alex acknowledges, but makes no move to untie him or offer any other assistance.  “Why don’t you go first?  Ask, ask me anything.”

Michael debates even responding, for a minute, but the curiosity is too great. “Did you know aliens were real? Before, like, ten minutes ago?”

“No,” Alex says tightly.  “Not for sure.” He crosses his arms across his chest.  “My turn.”

“Hey, hey!” Michael protests. “I think you owe me a little more than that.”

Alex eyes him warily.  “My dad.  My dad, he… he warned me. About aliens.  I thought he was lying. Or… or insane.”

Michael feels cold. “Your, your dad?” Jesse fucking Manes? “What, what did he say?”

Alex sighs.  “That’s like your third question in a row. It’s my turn now.” He purses his lips.  “What is that piece of glass, really?”

Michael has no reason to trust him.  None.  He lured him back here to the cabin, knocked him out, somehow took away his powers.  And yet…

He thinks he might need him.  Definitely needs him to untie him, let him go eventually.  Needs him to give him access to the bunker and all its contents, including the big hunk of spaceship. Yes, unfortunately Alex holds all the cards right now, with an apparently well-honed bullshit detector.

So Michael answers him. “I think it’s part of a spaceship.”

“A, a spaceship?”

“Yup.” Alex looks thoughtful.  “My turn again,” Michael is quick to say. He knows he should ask about what Jesse knows.  Maybe figure out if Alex knows his powers are blocked.  Get some additional information about what Alex wants with him.  But at the moment, there’s only one thing, top of his mind.

“What the hell happened to you?”

He, he thinks it hurts Alex, the question. He didn’t necessarily intend that, and he’s startled to find that he’s actually disappointed. In himself. But no, no. Alex tied him up, knocked him out –

“My dad happened. You were there for some of that, unfortunately,” Alex says wearily.  “Not a day goes by that I don’t think of that whole situation. And that just, just set everything in motion. The Air Force. The deployments.  The leg and the discharge and the shitty recovery.”

Michael frowns.  “But, but why are you here, like this?”

Alex gives a barky little laugh.  “You figure that out, and maybe I can stop seeing psych at the VA.” He’s quiet, then.  “There… there’s more to it than just that, but… but that’s all I’m going to say about it right now, okay?”

Michael glares a little, shrugs.  “Not okay, but you’re kinda holding all the cards here, Manes.”

Alex exhales deeply and looks at Michael.  Eyes him, up and down. Almost unconsciously, Michael presses himself backwards in the chair.  Alex opens his mouth, closes it.  Takes a breath and opens it again.  “What can you do?”

Michael gives him a quizzical look.

“You’re an alien.  What, what’s your power?”

Michael’s quiet as Alex looks at him expectantly.  He debates telling Alex he won’t answer, but he doesn’t want to piss him off.  “I can move things.  With my mind,” he finally says.

Alex sags a little in his chair.  “Wow.  Okay. Can you prove it?”

Michael snorts a little. “That’s another question, and… and you know I can’t prove it, not right now.”

“Shit…” Alex whispers.  “Oh my god, it works.”

Michael stares at him.  “I’ll take my question now.  What did you give me?”

Alex’s jaw tightens.  “Pollen.  Put it in the whiskey.”

Michael lets his head fall to his chest. “Wow.  Shame on me, huh? Accepting a drink from a stranger.”

He thinks he detects at least a little regret on Alex’s face. “What kind of pollen?”

Alex holds his gaze. “We’re pretty bad at this alternating questions thing.” Michael scoffs a little.  “But I’ll answer,” he says.  “I don’t know what it is, exactly.  My… my dad gave it to me.  While ago.  Said, said that if I ever got myself into trouble, with an alien, I could use that and it would stop them.  Stop their powers.” Alex eyes Michael’s bonds. “I take it it worked?”

“Your dad?  Your dad gave you this?”

Alex nods.

“Well shit.  Thought you said you and your dad didn’t get along.”

“We don’t, we really don’t, but… fuck, Michael, he scared me.  Told me about aliens and tried to scare the shit out of me. I thought he was out of his mind but – “

“But not enough to throw this shit out and tell him to screw himself, huh?”

Alex gives a frustrated sigh. “No.  I guess not.” He’s staring at Michael again in that unnerving way.  “Moving stuff.  Is that really your only power?” There’s an edge of desperation to his voice that Michael can’t quite comprehend.

“Yeah,” he replies.  Pauses.  “Why… is there something else you’re thinking that I can do?”

Alex’s brow is furrowed. “Like, you can’t… can’t make people feel things? Get, get in their heads?”

Ah. “No,” Michael says, a little gentler now.  “No, I can’t.” He stares at Alex. “Why’d you knock me out?”

Alex’s mouth twists around a little.  “You were lying to me.  About the glass. You said you’d never seen anything like it before, but your body language, respiration – they were all telling a different story.” The side of his mouth quirks up.  “And I figured if I’ve seen something like that before, then you probably had, too.”

“Wait, what?” Michael gapes at him. “Where have you seen something like that?”

“The Emporium.”

Michael actually laughs a little at that.  “Shit, Manes, that’s right. God.” He shakes his head.  “You know, most of the stuff there is shit, but there are a few legit pieces.”

Alex looks at him a beat too long.  “It’s the same thing at the warehouse.”

Michael stills. This is the first he’s hearing about a warehouse.  “What?”

Alex licks his lips.  “Yeah. First summer I worked there, um, Grant Green had me working at the warehouse three days a week.  Cleaning stuff, labeling.  Like you said, most stuff is complete shit, but… but I always thought that some of the stuff was actually pretty convincing.  Like this one big piece of glass that glowed when you touched it.” Alex quirks an eyebrow.  “Always wondered how Green managed that trick.  Guess now we know.”

“Yeah,” Michael says, slowly, shocked at the news, shocked that Alex is telling him this. “Where is this warehouse, exactly?” He’s sure he’d find it, eventually, with his tracker, but getting Alex to tell him would be so much easier.

Alex’s gaze drops to his lap.  “Um, I think it’s my turn for a question.”

And he knew it was too good to be true.

“What exactly are you trying to do?”

Michael cocks his head to the side.  “Right now?  I’m trying to answer your questions to the best of my ability so you can untie me and let me go.”

“With the spaceship parts,” Alex says, flat and unamused. 

“Oh, you mean like, am I trying to take you over?  Dominate Earth.”

Alex frowns.  “That’s not funny, Guerin.”

“No,” Michael says, straining at his ropes for emphasis, “it’s not. This isn’t.” He sighs. “Not sure how much you remember of me, from high school,” Alex’s jaw clicks a little, at that, “but things were pretty shitty. Never really had a, a place. A home.  I’m hoping that if I can put my ship back together, the ship that brought my people here, maybe I can study it, figure how to use it to find answers.  About who I am.  Why I’m here.”

Alex looks thoughtful.  “Here’s what’s going to happen,” he finally says.  “While you were knocked out, I hid the piece of the spaceship and the tracker.”

“What?”

“So if I cut you loose, then you can’t just take me out and do whatever the hell you want.”

Michael’s feeling mad now.  “Who the fuck do you think I am, Alex?”

Beneath Alex’s coldness, there a trace of sadness. “I really don’t know.  That’s what’s making this really hard.  Because… because ten years ago, I thought I knew.  But I’m realizing now that even then, I…” he trails off. “I didn’t.”  He swallows. “I’m going to cut you loose.  Drive you to your car. If you want that ship piece and tracker, you better not try to hurt me or, or pull any tricks, you know? You wanna get in your car and head straight back to Albuquerque? Fine by me.  But if you want to work together on this, have continued access to the bunker and the stuff in it, then we meet somewhere tomorrow.  Somewhere neutral. Continue this conversation.  Frankly, I don’t want ot see you back here till we know a little more about each other. Trust each other a little more.”

Michael scoffs.  “That’s gonna take some doing.”

“Yeah.” Alex sighs.  “What do you say?”

“Put your gun away first.  Back room, something.  If you untie me, I don’t want you fuckin’ shooting me in the back or something.  And I don’t need you to drive me to my car.”

Alex rolls his eyes. “Yes you do. You’re miles away and it’s getting dark. You don’t know these woods.”

“How do I know you’re not gonna drive me straight to a lab? To your dad?”

Alex winces.  “Fair question. I…” He frowns.  “I’ll leave my gun here.”

“Like you don’t have one in the car, too?”

Alex lifts an eyebrow.  “Not bad, Guerin.  What do you suggest?”

“I… I don’t even know!” Michael says.  “I just, god, I want to get out of here.  Like, I need to not be tied to a damn chair and grilled about things I’ve never told anyone, okay?  But, but I also need answers.  So… I’m gonna give you my word.  I promise not to do anything to hurt you if you let me go.” He swallows.  “I… I wouldn’t do that, Alex.  Not to you, okay?” He thinks he sees… something, in Alex’s eyes, at that.  Something of the Alex he used to know, those many years ago.  “Can you promise the same?”

“Yeah, Michael,” Alex says, softer than before.  “I promise.”

[havetoendit]

“ why do you walk around as if you’re somehow less valuable than the rest of the world? ” - from Dmitri

The question startled Tommy, looking up in alarm. Was he... Was he serious? Was this a serious question he was asking?

A laugh choked its way from his throat, and he set down the shotgun he was cleaning. On the table, yes, but never too far to grab and fire. Hell, never too far to grab and swing either. He'd come this far, he wasn't going to let anyone take him by surprise.

"Hah-- Maybe because I am. I've been in more psych wards than I can count, caused so much damage, killed him HOW many times-- I -- It's my fault he's what he is. If I hadn't been -- They SAID they'd cremated him but-- I couldn't. I- I had to see. I knew they'd lied, I knew they'd -- He's killed so many people because of me, and he's unstoppable now, can't kill him, I can't--"

He realizes, perhaps too late, that he was breaking down again. Blinking frustrated tears away, Jarvis sucked in a breath, reassembling the gun at his fingertips. Oversharing, probably freaking Dmitri out. He didn't deserve that.

"Maybe because, Idunno, I threw away a great future? Ostracized my friends, burned bridges? Maybe it'e because occasionally I wear stripes with polkadots-- I don't fuckin' know man."

[uhnoodles]

Stobin Shipping (ST3)

Hello all!

I’ve been debating whether or not to post this because conflict and confrontation make me physically ill and I’m not usually one to start anything of any sort that would invite such a thing.

I’m not writing this post to invite such a thing either, but unfortunately, I don’t think I can post this opinion without getting a lot of hate. I wouldn’t even be putting my voice out here unless something big happened, which has.

So, here goes.

Stobin is a ship from the 3rd season of Stranger Things featuring Steve Harrington, a character from every season, and Robin, a character introduced this season.

Steve and Robin work together at Scoops Ahoy and seem to be warily civil with each other in the beginning of the season. Various plot points drag them together, and eventually they bond and begin to grow warmer and friendlier with each other, a classic enemies to friends trope that is seen in many a fiction story. What usually comes next in this line of relationships is lovers or something synonymous. And we got a taste of it when Steve admitted his growing romantic feelings for Robin. Robin, however, turns him down because she is a lesbian. Steve is oblivious, then accepting and friendly with her from then on. There is absolutely no hope for them to ever be together in the show because she is a lesbian. I don’t want them to be together in the show because She. Is. A. Lesbian.

...Having said that, I feel slightly more comfortable approaching the purpose of this post.

A lot of people feel that it is homophobic/lesbophobic to still ship Stobin even after Robin came out to Steve, turning down his romantic advances. And I’m not going to tell you how to feel. I’m not in the business of doing that, because I’m not you and I don’t dictate your emotions or reactions. And honestly, if someone does still ship Stobin because they think it’s stupid that Robin is a lesbian and that she doesn’t “fit the bill” or they are just fucking homophobic, then fuck that guy. Because that’s not cool.

But. In my opinion, which is an opinion and not a fact, Fanfiction and shipping were made so fans can live out their non canon dreams.

I ship Stobin. Not because I think Robin being a lesbian is dumb or disgusting, or even because I wish she wasn’t a lesbian. Because I don’t wish that. I’m a lesbian. I was so fucking ecstatic when she turned out to be a lesbian! She is a cool, funny, complex character and she’s ours! Holy shit! YES! I honestly can’t wait for the writers to explore this in season 4 and give us all the sweet lesbian content I want.

Representation matters. I know that, and I feel that. I’m white- so I have had the privilege of being represented in the media my whole life. Hell, I remember when I first saw Beauty and the Beast, Belle immediately became my favorite princess because she had brown hair like me. I’ve also been lucky enough to grow up in an era where the LGBTQA+ community is slowly being accepted by society. I’ve also been lucky enough to have absolutely no issues in that area of my life. I’ve never been faced with prejudice in any way regarding my sexuality. I’m lucky, and I know I’m one of the few. So maybe Robin isn’t hitting me as hard as she is a lot of lesbians.

Don’t get me wrong, please, don’t get me wrong! She is a lesbian, I know this, and I never want that to change! If she and Steve got together in the show, I would be fuckin pissed! That is erasure! That is queer baiting! (I think that’s the term?) Her presence as a lesbian in this show is important because Stranger Things is set in the 80s, a very homophobic period in American history (which is true for all of American history through pretty much now for a lot of people). The fact that we have not just Robin but also Will- and both are accepted and still loved by their friends- is amazing and I have cried multiple times over it! If their presence in the show is of the utmost important to me, a lesbian who has faced zero kicks in the ass in her life, I can’t imagine how important she is to a lesbian who has faced every struggle in the world.

I believe, as I’ve stated, that fanfiction exists so fans may live out their non canon dreams. I ship Stobin because I thought their warm and fuzzy moments slowly building up throughout the season were very believable and they lit up the fan girl in me so fuckin quickly. “Yes!” I thought, “Steve is getting a romance again, and with arguably the coolest girl in the show!” And then she came out as a lesbian, which didn’t even phase me because I knew I could read fanfiction of Stobin to satisfy that whirlwind of fangirling emotions inside me that would never be satisfied canonically, which is completely okay with me.

That’s what fanfiction and shipping is to me. Satisfying my unmet fangirling needs. Am I mad about any of my unfulfilled ships? No! Absolutely not! Every fandom I am part of, I ship most ships in existence. I also ship Steve with Billy, Jonathan, Nancy, I’ve even read Steve and Kali (008) and enjoyed it! The thing about Robin is that, in season three, she only interacted with Steve and 2 children, and her and Steve had many faux romantic moments. I’ve read RobinxOFC and shipped the two! Hell, there’s this Haringrove fic with an OFC that I think she would be really cute with! I guarantee that as soon as she interacts with literally any female character, I will go buck fuckin wild. However, the in-depth character connection she has is Steve.

I know to a lot of you guys, these are just excuses, and I’m honestly very very sorry if I am hurting you in any way by continuing to ship them, completely apart from the canon, in the fics I read a write. I definitely would have kept my fuckin mouth to myself, but I noticed something quite alarming.

“Kill yourself”. Two words. Both simple words. Put together, they could destroy a life. They have many a time. I’ve been the target many times when I write a fic with a ship people don’t like. So alarming. So fucking alarming. Those words can do real damage. In real life. Not a fictional universe, such as the Stranger Things universe. But in real life. Now, I know that representation is so very fucking important, and I know that Robin is a lesbian. I support her as a lesbian and will accept no less in canon. Threatening another human’s life over respresentation in media isn’t okay, not in my books. Even if I didn’t ship Stobin and was as affected by it than a lot of you guys are, I would still be writing this post, just minus the explaining my view of Stobin and fanfiction in general. Because death threats, disturbing messages, and mocking one-off comments won’t get your point across. They’ll just root tour subject of hate more firmly into the ground and harm their psyche along the way.

It’s not worth it. Stranger Things is not worth it. Someone, a human being, in real life, could be hurt by careless, aggressive words. Over something that you could ignore so easily if you don’t support it. And I know that ignoring something you find abhorrent and a violation of human rights can be downright near impossible sometimes, but resorting to such terrible words just isn’t okay. Explain your side, debate, argue, don’t berate, don’t get furious. Or at least don’t let your fury turn you into a monster who threatens another human being’s life. Because doing that, saying those things? It’s monstrous.

I know this will get replies, and I’m not looking forward to it because confrontation, again, makes me hate my life. But you have the right to express your opinion to me if my own displeases you, but know that I will definitely ignore threats and furious massages that I’ve seen circulating around this particular ship.

I don’t know if I properly expressed myself or if this came across at all how I wanted it to. Bottom line:

-Robin is a lesbian, I support her

-I got attached to the teased romance between her and Steve, so I will be reading fanfiction and imagining scenarios myself to satisfy my hunger

- I, personally, don’t think that makes me a bad person or a homophobe/lesbophobe for reasons I’ve listed above

- I sincerely apologize to anyone who is offended or hurt, that is truly not my intention

-I only opened my fat mouth about this because death threats and hostile behavior have been circling this ship and it crossed a line in my head

I’m sorry this is so long. @pelegringo is a blog I know has been experiencing a lot of these threats and I don’t know how many others have been dealing with it. I’m so sorry if my opinion is unwelcome, but I saw someone being hurt and couldn’t ignore it.

I wish you all the best, and I hope you have enjoyed my Ted Talk.