ill break your shit adam
warning for adult lang
fuck you adam sandler
youre lucky karkat likes you
stupid fuck sees an amnesiac girl
and asks her can i marry you
that lady got issues mentally
you still down to do shit anally
deplorable zit on the ass of romanza
karkat told me to put that shit in this stanza
do raps even count as having stanzas
slam poetry tyke at preschool im no manza
youd probably jack it to a log with holes if they were wet ones
sitting on that stupid dock with her papa cracking cold ones
piece of shit id push you off that dock and watch you bubbling
kick your ass like her shitty bro failed when you were troubling
penguins dont quack like fucking ducks you dumbass
thats not part of the rap i just think that youre a dumbass
back to the rap sandler i bet you couldnt drop a single bar
too busy picking up stupid women at the stupid women bar
who even let you into hawaii
also did i say karkat liked you i was kidding he wants to kick your heinie
seriously watching that shit again made him start slamming his head into the cushions and screaming i had to pry them out his hands and he almost bit me
sorry i forgot i was rapping again
piece of shit forgot that you can like women while dating other men
still not over that chuck and larry shit adam
if you just said to the gov you were bi you coulda had em
firefighter of the year? well try putting out this heat
karkats gonna beat your ass like you do every night to your meat
gotta ask is this shit wish fulfilment for you
gotta say larry deserved better than you
i could treat him way better than you not in a gay way though
i just mean youre a massive sleaze basically the worlds shittiest bro
back to 50 first dates man sandler your shit is a bore
the stupid bits with schneider got my ass addicted to snore
if i was that stupid walrus id tear your ass to shreds
if i was that penguin i would also tear your ass to shreds
itd be harder but id still do it
bro fuck adam sandler im through it
===
TT: Wow. Bravo, Dave. You've outdone yourself.
TG: i wrote this one exceptionally fucking terrible to represent my inner darkness
TG: i can never unwatch those cinematic fossilized turds theyre like time capsules devoted to everything wrong with america
TG: you dont even understand how egregious that was
TT: I can sense the utter malaise and contempt in every word. It's beautiful.
TT: One particularly interesting point I'd like to make is the fact that you managed to refer to butts in a song about a male target, 10 times in the span of 37 lines. It's not an exorbitant amount, but it appears to be a running theme in your works. Very interesting, if you ask me --
TG: nooooo
TG: nope no
TG: not this shit again
TG: listen one of them is karkats fault
===
CG: ROSE, YOU JUST DON'T FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHAT HE'S DOING HERE AT ALL.
TT: No? Please, enlighten me Karkat.
CG: GLADLY.
CG: HE STARTS OUT WITH THE FRIGGIN WORD "ANAL" PRECEDING ALL OF THE OTHER MENTIONS, OF COURSE IT'S ON PURPOSE. IT INSTILLS THAT IMAGERY IN YOUR NUGBONE THROUGHOUT THE TRACK.
CG: AND YOU MAY HAVE NOTICED A RECURRING USE OF THE WORD "SHIT", IN TANDEM. BOG-STANDARD FOR DAVE, RIGHT? NO! IT'S PART OF THE EFFECT!
CG: MY THESIS: ADAM SANDLER MOVIES ARE PIECES OF ABSOLUTE SHIT AND THE REFERENCES TO WORDS LIKE "LOG" AND "SHIT" AND "ASS" ARE TO INVOKE THE SENSE OF TAKING A MASSIVE DUMP THROUGHOUT THE SPAN OF THE RAP, WHICH BY ALL MEANS WOULD BE AN EQUAL OR GREATER USE OF YOUR TIME THAN WATCHING THOSE MOVIES.
CG: RIGHT, DAVE?
TG: … yeah
TT: Okay, I'm willing to concede to that. On this subject matter, as an avid terrible movie enjoyer, you admittedly know better than myself.
CG: SHOULD KNOW BETTER.
TT: And you love them anyways.
CG: YEAH.
TG: hes right
TG: you hear that shit hes right
TG: fuck death of the author im verifying that interpretation
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Smoke Eater - Epilogue
Pairing: Firefighter!Dean Winchester x F. Reader
Summary: Dean Winchester is the cocky, but well-respected Lieutenant at Firehouse 25. He leads by example, but he’s also known to break a few hearts. He’s starting to crave something he’s never had, though. Something stable. Something real.
That’s when he meets you, on a truly terrible day, trapped in a rickety old elevator.
🔥 Series Masterlist
AN: We made it, friends. 🥹
Word Count: 2,800
Tags/Warnings: Fluff and feels, that is all.
Epilogue: “Easy as Pie”
The week after the incident at Stull Storage, John, Sam, Dean, and Eileen sat down to a family dinner that you cooked in the brothers’ apartment. Aside from Eileen, all of you had injuries in one form or another (but even Sam’s shiner was healing up nicely).
For dessert, you were a bit nervous as you brought out a freshly baked apple pie. Dean caught you mentally bracing yourself before you set it down on the table. He shot you a reassuring smile.
“Looks great,” he said.
Your returning smile was tentative as you divvied out the first piece. Dean was just a bit disappointed when you handed it to John. His eyes followed the plate.
You smiled more genuinely, and made sure the next generous piece you cut was for your boyfriend.
After everyone was served, you sat down with your own plate and encouraged them all to dig in. Forks hit the crumbly top and cinnamon apple filling, and there were collective hums of pleasure throughout the room.
You brightened and glanced over at the rest of the table. John looked contemplative. His fork rested on the plate for a moment.
He gave a rare smile. “That’s some damn good pie.”
Sam nodded. “For sure.”
Dean looked over at you after he’d already demolished half of his serving. A smile spread across his face.
“Best slice of pie since I can remember,” he said, giving you a wink.
Both of you knew the weight of that review. It humbled you, making you blush.
You smiled and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek, rough with stubble.
“I guess this recipe’s a keeper then,” you said.
He hummed in agreement. When he went in for a real kiss, it was sweet indeed.
From then on, you all spent the evening talking, eating, laughing, with you and Sam drinking wine and everyone else their beer. You updated them on Andréa and Benny, who were planning their trip to Greece in a few months.
"We should take a vacation," Dean pointed out, gesturing around the table. "All of us."
Sam raised his brows at his brother. "Oh yeah? Where would you wanna go?"
Dean thought about it for a moment. He glanced at you, and found you smiling.
"The beach," he said. "Somewhere warm and chill, with those fancy little umbrellas in your drink."
"Hmm...I like that," you said, as your smile grew. Tropical, relaxing, a warm sun on your face, and your boyfriend in some board shorts. You could definitely go for some of that.
"Sounds nice," Eileen agreed.
"I'll look into some destinations," Sam nodded. Dean nudged his brother's shoulder.
"One word, dude. Maui."
Sam snorted. "We can't afford Maui."
"Hey, you never know, man! Time to check out some Groupons."
"You can't get a Groupon to go to Hawaii," Sam said. His face was scrunched in what Dean liked to call, his "Know It All" face.
"Are you kidding me?" Dean shot back. "There's a friggin' Groupon for everything nowadays!"
Of course, that devolved into a familiar sibling argument that was only disrupted when John broke into the conversation. He admitted something shocking—that he was taking some time off work, for the first time since he took his sons camping when they were kids. Sam and Dean teased the workaholic for finally "slowing down" in his old age, but it was all in good fun.
You and Eileen shared a knowing look. It all felt as close to family as you’d had in a long time.
And for Dean, it felt like he could breathe again. He’d gotten a text shortly after dessert—from Cas.
Jo made it into the Police Academy. She starts training in a few weeks.
Dean’s lips quirked with a smile.
How do you know?
I’ll be instructing a couple of her classes. Firearm Safety and Weapons Training.
Dean nearly laughed.
Good luck, buddy. Try not to get your ass shot.
To which Cas replied:
My ass will be nowhere within range, I assure you.
Dean did chuckle at that. When you turned to him and asked what was so funny, he just shook his head and grabbed onto your hand on the table.
“Nothin’. I’m good,” he said. He pressed your knuckles to his lips. “I’m real good.”
You smiled at that.
Later that night, Dean walked his father to the door while you and Sam were locked in a trivia game, and Eileen tried to play mediator between two very competitive nerds.
“Dad,” Dean said.
John stopped with a hand on the door, turning back to his eldest.
Dean paused to gather his thoughts, but he eventually grasped his father’s arm and met his gaze.
“Just wanted to say thank you, for what you did for her,” he said, discreetly nodding at you. He kept his voice quiet. “You protected her when I couldn’t.”
John paused, seeming surprised. His brows furrowed as he shook his head.
“You don’t need to thank me for that, son,” he said.
“Yeah, I do,” Dean insisted. He’d heard every bit of that conversation between John and Daniel in that warehouse. His father had been willing to lay down and die for you, not a moment’s hesitation.
Cas was right, Dean had realized. His father did have a line.
John let out a breath. “What matters is we made it here.”
Dean nodded, though he dimmed.
“Yeah, came with one hell of a price tag.”
It still weighed heavily on him, what he’d had to do to end Daniel Savage. In the end, John had lied on his statement of the events. He’d taken responsibility for grabbing Daniel’s gun and shooting him between the eyes.
“It’s the only thing I can do to keep you out of this,” John had told his son. “Should’ve been my hand anyway.”
Dean appreciated what his dad had done to protect him from the law, and his career, but it still made him feel dirty. A strike to his integrity as a first responder, and as a man. That was something he’d just have to deal with, along with everything else.
John distracted him, however, by gripping his shoulder this time.
“You saved my life, Dean,” he said. And with a hint of a smile, “It’s what you’re good at.”
Dean met his dad’s gaze. He wasn’t quite able to smile back, but there was new warmth in his chest.
“Oh,” said John, raising a finger. “Before I forget…”
He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out a silver engagement ring with a small stone. To Dean, it looked familiar…
When it finally struck him what this was, he looked up at John in surprise. Dean glanced back to make sure you weren’t looking before he tentatively took the ring.
“Is this…Mom’s?” he asked.
John nodded. “The stone’s nothing special. You might wanna get it reset. Sam already figured out his uh…situation on his own. Maybe you want to find your own too.”
Dean knew what he meant. Sam had bought a ring last year, but he'd proposed to Eileen just a few days ago. They were already planning to get married a year from now, along with buying their first house together.
Dean examined the ring he held with a softer smile.
“Nah, it’s perfect,” he said.
He didn’t know yet if you two were ready for that step. A lot had happened in such a short amount of time…but he knew he wasn’t going anywhere.
He had time to do things right with you.
A few months later, Dean’s medical leave ended. He was physician-approved for duty, psych evaluation and all. He showed up for his shift bright and early.
He entered the doors of Firehouse 25 to a host of his friends and makeshift family cheering, complete with cheesy streamers and an even cheesier cake that Meg held. On the top was scrawled: Good Job Cracking Your Head.
“A smoke eater returns to the house!” Benny remarked with a grin. “Good to see ya, brother.”
He clapped Dean heavily enough on the back that it earned a grunt and a laugh out of him.
“You too, man,” Dean replied.
Meg set down the cake on the table and was the next one to playfully punch him in the shoulder.
“You have a nice little vacation?” she teased.
Dean rolled his eyes. “Yeah, complete with bottomless margaritas and little umbrellas.”
She smirked, but she was still earnest when she touched his arm.
“Welcome back.”
Dean chuckled. “Ooh, now I know you missed me.”
It was her turn to roll her eyes as she waved a dismissive hand at him. Chuck and Jack gave more sincere well wishes, with the latter actually hugging Dean. He’d tolerated it with a smile.
Gordon clapped him on the shoulder once Jack was finally done, and Dean sent the Candidate off with a bright smile on his face.
Gordon smiled. “Welcome back, Lieutenant.”
Dean nodded and shook the other man’s hand. “Thanks for holdin’ down the fort, man.”
“No problem,” Gordon said. “Any time you wanna go on sabbatical, you just let me know. Acting Lieutenant’s almost better than the real deal. It’s not as much paperwork.”
Dean chuckled, but before he could sling back a retort, the alarm went off. There was a working house fire downtown, according to the dispatcher in the overhead speaker.
Bobby appeared in the hall and clapped his hands once.
“All right, gear up. We’re startin’ off the day right,” he said. He gave Dean a look that was somehow both pleased to see him and stern at the same time. Bobby addressed him with a point of his finger.
“See me in my office before the end of shift,” he said. “We’ve got somethin’ to talk about.”
A few days later, Dean had the rare pleasure of welcoming you home from work on his day off. You trudged into the apartment with several bags and rolling a cooler behind you. He got up from the couch and grabbed some of the bags for you on your way to the kitchen.
“How did it go?” he asked, reaching out a hand to rub some flour off your cheek. You smiled brightly.
“Well, there was a little snafu with the mini quiche, but they loved the menu I proposed. They want me to cater the whole wedding!” you said.
“Whoa, that’s a lotta food,” Dean remarked. Once you’d dumped the rest of your stuff on the kitchen table, he slid an arm around your waist and brought you flush against him, earning a squeal from you.
You clung to his shoulders. “You still on for being my official taste tester?”
He stared at you with mock offense.
“Uh, obviously. Mini quiche are my weakness,” he teased. “Just another form of pie, far as I’m concerned.”
You giggled into his lips as he claimed you for a kiss. It was both sweet, and a bit naughty as his hands moved to squeeze your ass. His words were no less heartfelt.
“I’m proud of you, sweetheart,” Dean said. “I really am.”
You smiled and stroked his cheek in answer.
The Monday morning after that family dinner a few months ago, you’d quit your job at Savage & Co. After a month of wracking your brain and your savings, you decided to start your own catering business.
It was your way of starting small, to try and get people in this town to know you for your food and baked goods. And maybe, if you were successful enough, you’d be able to open up your own bakery in a couple of years.
For once, you were going after what you truly wanted…but now, your career was only part of it.
You hadn’t forgotten your conversation with Dean about what he wanted for his future: of getting married someday, and having a family. Something he could build for himself.
Not only did you want that for him, but you’d begun to crave that for yourself as well: a family of your own.
Realistically, you knew that part was years away for you and Dean. However, you had that in the back of your mind. Having your own business had always been your dream, but sometimes your dream could adjust.
Or, it could become something new.
You’d also sold your grandparents’ house. You had contemplated going back, but you didn’t want to be reminded of how the police and the Arson Department had torn it apart after Daniel Savage threatened your life. You didn’t want to be reminded of where both of your grandparents died.
You loved that house, but you also knew it was time to let it go…
Because you finally understood what your grandfather had tried to tell you months ago.
A house did not make a home. And now, you’d managed to make a new one.
For his part, Dean had been happy to have you stay in his apartment. Sam was getting ready to move out in a few months anyway, as he and Eileen were deep into house hunting and planning their wedding.
“So…I’ve gotta tell you something,” said Dean, after he parted from your lips for a moment, and allowed you to breathe. His tone made you tilt your head in suspicion.
“It’s nothing bad,” he said, though he looked a bit nervous.
Your brows furrowed. You led him to the couch, where he held your hands in his. It took him a moment to get started. He seemed stuck on what he wanted to say, or maybe just how he wanted to say it.
“Whatever it is, I’m sure I can handle it,” you teased.
Dean gave you a smile. His shoulders relaxed a little.
“They want to promote me to Captain,” he said.
Your mouth fell open and your eyes went wide.
“They? Who’s they?” you asked.
Dean blew out a breath and scratched at the small scar on the side of his head.
“Apparently it came from the Battalion Chief.”
He explained that the Fire Department had gotten the full debrief from both Sam and John about Dean’s involvement in ending the serial arsons and murders committed by Nick and Daniel Savage. Without you and Dean, they wouldn’t have figured out Azazel’s identity, let alone stopped his criminal enterprise.
You smiled wide with excitement as you held Dean’s face in your hands.
“That’s amazing!” you said. You pulled him in for a hug. Though he held you back, you soon realized that you were happier than he seemed to be. You pulled back and carded your fingers through his hair, earning his gaze.
“What’s wrong, baby? This is great news!”
Dean’s lips pursed. “I don’t know. I broke ranks and defied a direct order at the Savage & Co. fire. And at the warehouse, I was even more reckless. I don’t want to be promoted for disobeying orders.”
You frowned at that, even as you continued to stroke through his hair.
“What did Bobby tell you?” you asked.
Once again, Dean sighed. He’d been called into Bobby’s office a few days ago, after his first shift back at 25.
He’d surprised the hell out of Dean.
“Did you break ranks that day, and put not just yourself, but Benny and the rest of your men in danger?” Bobby said. “You bet your ass.”
Dean averted his gaze. He stood with his hands drawn behind his back, willing to take whatever punishment the Chief saw fit.
“But,” Bobby continued. His fingers tapped on his desk, where he sat on the edge across from Dean. “It wasn’t fair of me to stop you from lookin’ for your girlfriend.”
Dean’s attention sharpened at that, and he frowned in confusion. Bobby didn’t apologize. Ever.
“Sir?” Dean asked uncertainly.
Bobby softened the slightest bit. He heaved a sigh.
The man was a widower, but he still wore his wedding ring. He toyed with it now on his finger.
“We could’ve radioed in with the other teams already at work. I could’ve paired half of your team with the top floor units. But in the heat of the moment, I made a judgment call,” Bobby said, leveling Dean with a look. “As a leader, you’ll continue makin’ mistakes. You’ll make the wrong call. It’s how you learn to keep leading that matters. And there ain’t a person in this house that wouldn’t have gone up to pull your fool head outta that fire.”
Dean stayed quiet in his discomfort. He still wasn’t entirely sure why Bobby was telling him all of this.
“That being said, this is coming from the top,” Bobby said. His gruffness was back. He took a folder off his desk and handed it to Dean. “Here’s the next step, if you choose to accept it.”
You were crying by the end of his story. Dean cupped your cheek and caught your tears with his thumb. You grabbed that hand and gently squeezed.
“He believes in you, Dean,” you said. “So do I. And it’s my turn to be so damn proud of you.”
Dean graced you with a smile for that one. Yours brightened. You moved off the couch and slid into his lap, twining your arms around his neck. Dean welcomed you with an arm around your waist and a hand sliding up your jean-clad thigh.
“Guess I’m gonna have to get used to calling you Captain,” you said with a smirk.
Captain Winchester, Dean considered, rolling the weight of it around in his mind.
He chuckled. “Okay, maybe I'm liking the sound of that.”
“Mhmm, that’s what I thought,” you said, shortly before you pressed your lips to his. He squeezed your hip while your deft fingers once again slipped into his hair. With each new kiss, Dean felt more of his uncertainty melt away.
A new thought occurred to him then. It made him start to grin against your lips, and you parted from him.
“What?” you asked in amusement.
Dean slipped a hand into his pocket, where he felt the outline of his mother’s newly resized ring.
“Hey,” he said. Your brows drew together in suspicion at the gleam in his eye.
“Hey, yourself,” you quipped.
Dean breathed in deep, steeling himself. He looked into your eyes, and he smiled.
“I’ve got a question for you.”
AN: ...And I think we all know what her answer was. ❤️🔥
I can't believe it! I started posting this story on September 15, the beginning of Hispanic Heritage Month. Almost four months later, we finally made it to the end of Smoke Eater. 🥹
Thank you to all of you who've been following along at any point of the journey. Your comments and feedback have truly touched me, and have helped keep me going! 💕
Read the Sequel Story:
Ready for more Smoke Eater?
Here's Something Real:
Summary: Now that you and Dean are officially engaged, you take some much needed time off together for a family vacation. But even with the wedding set for next year, the two of you are still at odds when it comes to one key part of your future together…
▶️ Keep Reading: Something Real
Dean Winchester Masterlist
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