#He feels like that's the life he deserved and he's a coward and a cheater for running away to join the marines

[technofinch]

📻 annnnnd Mulligan

Rowan! you lucky duck!! This is THEE Mulligan song (to me) given that he grew up in a mining colony and his number one talent is digging himself into (metaphorical) holes and also that he's terrible at relationships in general plus, just, this whole verse

Well I ought to be working for the railroads Sweat pouring off my back Hauling away a heavy load It's a far cry from heaven down a cold steel track And I can't take her with me She's better off without Yeah I ought to be working for the railroads Lord knows I'm good at leaving town

Given that he is a space long-haul trucker and therefore very good at leaving town, and that he fully believes all of his lovers (& children) are better off without him in their life <3

[heronpoxed]

Major Sons of Anarchy Spoilers

This post is for Tara Knowles stans and Tara Knowles stans only!

(maybe a little bit for her antis too)

Y’all know that I love Jax Teller right? but I love Tara Knowles more and sometimes I hate Jax so much, it is absolutely palpable because he is a pathological cheating manwhore<3 

This is probably going to be some type of um expansion of the similar post I wrote years ago (I wrote a whole goddamn essay. My 17-year-old self went all out and if you’re interested, here’s the link: https://www.tumblr.com/heronpoxed/625890875891990529/sons-of-anarchy-spoilers ) but this time I am older, wiser and more pissed off. 

I was scrolling through reddit, reading some convos on why Jax cheated on Tara this much and what his motivations were. Most of them were stating similar things which can be narrowed down to this: “This was the life and the MC culture. When you’re a part of an MC there are expectations that you need to meet aka expectations to cheat on your partners. He was raised this way. He was a womanizer and had gotten a horrible example of love from Gemma and Clay. He was seeking distractions, etc” 

Well, let me tell you: What a load of fucking bullshit. 

First of all, we have Otto fucking Delaney who did so much unimaginable shit just because he was in love with Luann. Looking at Otto, would you really think that he would be capable of cheating on her?  And the fact that he was a loyal husband would make him seem less deserving of his title as an MC member? 

I hate that everyone excuses Jax’s cheating. Like, at all! I hate that Sutter thought that he had to make Jax a cheater in order to portray a realistic MC member. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t know shit about MC other than what I’ve seen on the show, but let me tell you this: Jax was always portrayed as someone who was smarter than the rest of the club, more intelligent and above all this fake and basic instinct bullshit that most of the members lived by for so long and this is exactly why Jax being a cheater does not make sense because it just made him inconsistent. The toxic MC culture is to be unfaithful to your partners but the whole essence of Jax’s character is that he tried as much as he could to go against said culture and push the MC in a healthier direction.

With Jax always taking the moral high ground while being a VP and mostly taking a moral high ground while being a prez, you wouldn’t expect him to do shit like this to Tara, a woman he so obviously loves with his whole being. Like thats the thing, you can’t even say that he doesn’t love her because the lengths that he was willing to go for her were immeasurable. He got confused there for a sec but in the end he literally gave up his freedom so she could have hers and if we look through the darker lens, we all witnessed what he did to the poor Chinese boy and his own mother. 

The only time I get Jax’s motivation to sleep with someone who isn’t his wife, is when he found out about the divorce and the pregnancy. That thing would really fvck someone up and even if I hated that instead of talking it out with Tara or just like shouting at her, he decided to bury himself in a blonde milf, I understand why he did it. He was feeling hurt and upset and betrayed (tho If he hadn’t become a person who couldn’t be reasoned with, this could’ve been avoided).

However, him sleeping with Colette in 6x01??? There is no excuse! 

This is the shit that I hate the most, man. The second his relationship with Tara got strained, he ran straight to Colette instead of facing his issues and let me tell you, this makes Jax a coward. 

What’s worse is that he wanted to do it again and if he hadn’t seen Colette with Baroski, he most definitely would’ve slept with her that day. That entire scene is absolutely disgusting. Not because it’s relatively graphic, but because of the look on Jax’s face, like Colette was his and he felt violated that someone else was sleeping with his property. I literally gagged and threw up and cried. Thats how sick that scene was.

What’s even worse than THAT, is that if Colette hadn’t died in the Diosa massacre, that manwhore would’ve slept with her again and wouldn’t even feel weird about it(1) even after being caught with her by his wife, (2) even after knowing deep down that, on moral level, Tara would’ve been upset about and would not have wanted this. 

As much as I dislike Colette and don’t greet her tendency to get attracted to the guys that are clearly taken (don’t forget she had an eye for Nero first), to say the least, it annoys the hell out of me that everyone blames her. Hello? Jax isn’t exactly blameless here?!?! He easily could’ve said NO. What would Colette have done?! forced herself on him?! give me a break. People are so quick to blame women for the shit that men build the foundation for. 

I feel exactly the same way about the Ima situation. Ima WAS dumb but it wasn’t as if both Opie and Jax hadn’t made a conscious decision to sleep with her. Jax rearranging Ima’s face, calling her a wh*re and telling her to stay away from his family was unwarranted to say the least considering that he brought her in the clubhouse, into his life and inadvertently, everyone else’s.

Gods know how much I love Jax Teller but dude, DUDE! like I could never excuse such shitty behavior of his and whoever does is an utter misogynist and a victim of toxic masculinity. Jax wouldn’t have been any less intimidating or any less biker-y without being a pathological cheater. He could’ve broken Tara’s heart a million different ways, could’ve dealt with his cowardly issues with a million different distractions and coping mechanisms. Why did it have to be constant infidelity? 

Honestly, that’s so embarrassing of you, Jax.

What breaks my heart the most is the fact that Tara went back to him every single time even though she clearly stated that cheating was a deal-breaker for her. That’s how much she loved him but at the end of the day, that’s a woman written by a m*n; fulfilling this sick male fantasy that the woman has to be loyal to the man no matter what.

Damn, I needed to say all that. I’m rewatching like for the 5th time I think and I am so so angry. Now that I’m older I see things more clearly which makes me even more angry. 

I don’t know what the take-away is from this y’all but I can say one thing: Tara Knowles-Teller, my sweet, beautiful angel, deserved the best version of her husband. Not that second-hand cheap copy of him. 

[amberwild420]

one step back, two steps forward (pt. 1)

Masterlist

Paris, the city of love

 Since the return of Lila the liar, Marinette has been feeling the downhill ride of the life at its fullest. Sure she threatened her to take away her friends and to make her life as miserable as possible but Marinette knew that there is no way that her friends who had known her longer can believe such ridiculous lies.

  Well…….that’s what she thought.

  She overestimated her friends or rather her ex-friends.

  They not only left her behind, but she also become a bully, thief, a cheater and an overall bad person.

  Like what?

 Now not only is she alone sitting in the last but she has to be bullied and humiliated because apparently she is bullying and making fun of the sweet innocent Lila.

  Like what?

  And Adrien. Oh sweet naïve Adrian just let her keep quiet. He said he had her back but when she realized how coward and spineless he was, her crush on him was gone like wind. And to add insult to injury, she may or may not have accidently found out that he was also chat noir.

  Like what?

  And not to forget miss bustier. Oh sweet miss bustier, she seriously need to take lessons on how to deal with bullies or she should choose a better profession. Because if she preached about setting a good example one more time she will do something that future Marinette would  regret.

  And Alya her supposed best friend just left her as soon as her blog rating went up because of a certain liar. Well and that she has always been brash but became quite temperamental after Lila trapped her in her web of lies. She tried, he really tried but she had no chance. Nino and Kim who knew her from childhood took the word from a liar. And max. Oh the smart max who made an AI with emotions had believed that a napkin can gouge his eyes out even when he was wearing glasses.

  Like what?!

  Thankfully she didn’t had to deal with Chloe these days. Well she was rather quieter these days. Not talking or taunting to anyone. Well a good thing that came from all this. She didn’t think she could actually bear two ways trouble right now.

  She had to deal with the akuma at 4 am and chat was nowhere as always. But she was thankful that he didn’t came. It was not like he was being helpful anyway.

 Miss bustier was late and Lila was spinning another tale of her adventure. She wanted to tune out the chatter but the door opened and miss bustier walked in with a girl. She was wearing a pink crop top with blue jeans and white sneakers.

Pale skin, long black hair that framed her face and yellow green eyes that looked at them with such an intensity that Marinette felt her hand twitching towards her sketchpad. She had so many ideas all of the sudden, she need to jolt it down.

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Class meet Kaylan. She will be joining us for the rest of the year. Make her feel welcomed.

Irritating and incompetent.

The only words that echoed her mind when she met her teacher. Caline Bustier has no control over class. Like how the hell she can tame students with this idealistic temperament. Kayla knew she was right when she entered the class. When her teacher turned to her expectedly, she decided to be polite and introduced herself.

My name is Kaylan fox. I moved from New York City recently. It’s nice to meet you. 

It was just then a girl with sausage hair talking loudly.

Oh New York! It reminds me when I met Tylor swift last summer. She even gave me her new album with her autograph because she felt I deserve it when I accidently gave her the idea for her song.

 Is she serious? That is just an outrageous claim. There’s no way anyone would believe that.

 That’s so cool Lila.

 Yeah! You have to give me all the deeds.

 I wish I could meet her one time.

 The hell? They actually believed that?!

 Are you kidding? You’re actually believing that?

 She couldn’t help but speak up. There is no way like no way anyone even the most stupid person could believe that.

 The girl with sausage then suddenly burst into tears.

 Why do you say that? Are you that jealous?

Excuse moi?

 The effect was immediate. The class apart from the girl in the pig tails started consoling the girl.

 How could you be so mean?

 You made Lila cry.

 You’re so horrible like that Mari trash.

 Kaylan felt her eye twitching. Like what is actually going on? Did she cross the time space and came to a new universe that had people stupider than her expected level?

She looked at the teacher but was even more surprised when she was giving a look to the girl in the pigtails that said “stop them”.

 So incompetent. So fucking incompetent!

The class glared at the new girl who dare to talk but shivered at her bone chilling return glare. Like hell she would let some brats push her around. She trained, tired herself to bones to be stronger than that scum, there is no way she can let some skinny kids take her down.

I actually don’t care about what people are talking about but I do care when they name drop the celebrities.

The silence broke when a dark skinned girl with glasses stood up showing her fiery temper.

 How can you be so sure? Where is your proof?

 Raising her eyebrow, Kaylan pulled her phone from the pocket and typed. Then she started reading out loud.

(it’s a fake news, I just winged it myself so no need to correct it. it’s fanfiction.)

Tylor Swift seen in Hawaii this summer. Many fans have been theorizing she may be here for her new album. But the claims haven’t stand corrected still since then haven’t seen anyone from our usual cast. It seems like that Tylor is on a vacation. Sorry fans.’

And this is the news article from the last year summer. You were saying.

  She deadpanned at the girls who looked lost.

The sausage haired girl looked livid. With a cold smirk she leaned into the sausage haired girl.

 Hon. You’re so fake that even china would deny they ever made you. But to have some people follow you, I’ll give that much of a credit.

 Saying so she made her way to the last where the girl with pig tails was sitting. On the bench beside was a blond who looked at her from the corner of the eye but looked forward when miss bustier started her lesson, a bit flustered.

 Hi! I’m Marinette. Class representative.

Kaylan.

  I must say that was nice. You know, to see that someone can actually look through her lies.

 You know she was lying and didn’t tell them?

 Before she could stop, words pour out of her mouth. Marinette winced, so did she.

 Sorry, that came out rude.

 No it’s not a problem. They just don’t believe me at all.

 I can see why.

  Before they could talk anymore, miss Bustier interrupted them.

Kaylan, please focus in the class.

 I do have my focus in the class. But it seems like you don’t, considering that the sausage hair and  miss tabloid is still talking rather loudly and you just pointed me out instead.

A certain glint passed her eyes before a smirk made her way to her lips. The expression on her face made several people shiver.

 We don’t want some extra nasty rumor spreading in the school about what happens in the class. Now do we.

  The way Kaylan said that made many people shiver.

Marinette sighed in relief. she suddenly felt like having a safety amulet. 

Marinette felt badly for thinking like this but from the time her friends had left her she felt unsafe all the time. So this was a good feeling.

maybe she should treat her with best pastries. she really had a good feeling about today.

Its definitely a good day.

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[g-on-ef]

Hey if you’re still doing that 50 cliches and prompts, perhaps we can get a crumb of #23 for Blitzo x Striker? 👉👈

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A\N: Nonnie you ask for crumbs and I'll give you the whole bread ^^ also if you guys want send me some Striker x Blitz prompts of your own or one from this list ^^

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#23: “Just tell why you did it!” “Because I’m in love with you, okay!”

Striker was fighting to remain conscious, the past thirty minutes have not been kind to him...especially with the bitch Stella trying to get back at him for shooting her.

Earlier today Striker got a call from Stella to come to her as she had a new plan that she wanted Striker to carry out, a plan that could finally break Stolas.

When he came to her palace Stella told him her plan.

“Why kill the cheater when you can break his spirit,”

“Don’t you already do that every time he’s reminded that he’s marry to you?”

Stella glared at the imp, the one thing she hated about him is his mouth and his constant snide remarks.

“I will ignore what you just said, now onto the plan, the best way to get back at Stolas is to kill the most important person to him in all of Hell,”

“Octavia?”

“Touch her and I will kill you myself,”

“Well you did said you don’t care who I have to go through to kill him so technically-”

Her hand slammed on the desk she was sitting behind.

“Touch my daughter and I will put you through such agony that’ll make Lucifer himself coward in fear,”

Striker bit his tongue, he knew when he had pushed his luck and he could see he was pushing the last of Stella’s buttons.

“No the one I want you to kill is the piece of shit that ruined everything, the thing that Stolas continues to see, I want you to kill Blitzo,”

The minute that name slipped out of her mouth Striker did not hesitate to take his blessed tip revolver and shoot her with it.

Her guard was down so she didn’t have the time to move until it was to late, the gun hit her right in the torso going right through her, paralyzing her.

“Ahh!” she shouted, Striker was getting ready to shot her again when the door open and someone grabbed him or try to.

Striker was able to handle the bodyguards that came in, being a wrath imp mixed with Lilith’s bloodline gave him enough strength to beat the shit outta the guards...but not enough to defend himself from Stella who had her own gun and shot him, her aim wasn’t good so all she was able to do was shoot his shoulder.

Striker screamed as he felt the pain, before he could do anything, one Stella’s guards pulled out an angel weapon and stabbed him with it.

The pain was the unbearable, falling to his knees his attacker began to stab his back making the assassin scream.

“Stop!”

The attacker turned to his queen.

“Taking him to the dungeon, I will deal with him there,”

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Striker held Blitz closer to his body, he’s never been this gentle with someone before. Never took his time with someone and enjoyed their body.

Never appreciated every sound his partner made or the expressions they made whenever he was pleasuring them.

Normally he would fuck them as fast as he could and leave, with Blitz he couldn’t do that.

The past three nights have been amazing, ordinarily Striker didn’t do this he didn’t try to get to know people, hell he tried to keep them as far away from him as possible, especially if he was gonna go through with his plans he couldn’t afford to have any weaknesses, nothing the overlords or royals can use against him.

And yet here he was, pleasuring Blitz, slowly moving in and out of him.

The feeling of his walls around his cock made Striker groan in pleasure, he took in every moan, whimper, whatever sound came out of Blitz he listen to it and tried to engraved it into his memory, knowing this will be the last time they ever get to be like this.

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He opened his eyes and watched as Stella glared at him, her servants pushed her around in her wheelchair as she stared at him with such hatred that Striker was surprised that the bitch didn’t have the ability to turn him to stone or kill him with her glare.

“Why the fuck are you protecting him?! He chose my good for nothing piece of shit of a husband and you still protect him?! He doesn’t care about you!”

Striker stared at her, he knew what she was trying to do, his sperm donor always told him people would say anything to hurt you so if they aim low than you aim lower.

“It pisses you off doesn’t,”

Stella glared at him before Striker continued,

“That one lowly imp managed to capture not one but two powerful beings attention, your husband and me, Lilith’s bastard. One tiny lowly imp has two of your puppets wrapped around his finger. Someone who’s supposed to be superior than imps, and yet every dick that you want to be fucked by is either getting fucked or fucking the imp that you hate,”

Stella’s cool facade fell as she lifted her fist and punched his stomach, the punch shouldn’t have hurt but because Stella’s rings were made of angel weapons it definitely was going to leave a mark.

“Kill him, make sure he doesn’t make it out of this alive!”

Striker closed his eyes ready to accept death and Her embrace, the last memory he had was the last night he and Blitz made love to one another, the night were Blitz and he curled around each other silently promising each other a piece of their heart to one another.

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When he opened his eyes he was met with a bright light he blinked trying to clear the bluriness of his vision.

“Am I dead?”

“No but you’re gonna wish you were when I am done with you,”

Striker turned his head to the voice that sound awfully like Blitz’s.

Oh, it is Blitz and he was angry.

“Uhh...hi?”

“Hi! HI?! You’re ass has been lying in this bed for the past 22 hours we almost lost you and all you have to say is HI? YOU FUCKING DICK!”

Striker lifted himself up and watched as Blitz continued to glare at him.

“Do you have any fucking idea how scared I was! Fuck if it weren’t for the mating bite and Lady Lilith helping us we wouldn’t have saved you!”

Oh...right...he forgot that he gave Blitz a mating bite.

“Blitz-”

“Do you have any idea what was going through my mind when I felt your pain? What I was feeling when I heard your screams?!”

The city imp got up from the chair he was sitting on,

“I almost lost you! I almost lost the first person to show me respect, to remind me what it was like to be loved and all you have to fucking say is hi!”

Striker looked at Blitz who was crying now,

Striker grabbed Blitz and pulled him on his lap as the city imp cried into his chest.

“Lady Lilith told me, told me that bitch tortured you because she wanted me dead! Why didn’t you tell her about me?! Why didn’t you just tell her where I was at so that she could’ve let you go?!”

Hearing that made Striker growled.

“You fucker you really think I would let her hurt you?!” he pulled back and grabbed the imp by his shoulders.

“I’ll die before I’ll let anyone touch you!”

“Don’t fucking say that! You almost die because of me!”

“And I’ll do it again if I have to!”

Blitz was getting mad, he didn’t want Striker to die because of him hell he didn’t want Striker to waste his time with someone like him, he deserved better and yet Striker nearly died because of him, and here he was telling him he would do it again without hesitations.

“FUCK! Why?! Just tell me why the fuck would you do that?! Why would you sacrifice yourself for me?!”

“Because I’m in love with you!”

Striker’s eyes widen as did Blitz’s. Fuck that was not supposed to come out of his mouth, hell he was never supposed to tell Blitz that he loved him, that was a secret he was going to take to his grave and yet...and yet he didn’t regret saying, he didn’t regret telling Blitz the truth, his city imp deserved to hear those words.

“You...you dickwad no you don’t! You don’t love me! You can’t!”

Blitz curled in on himself not sure if he could believe what Striker was saying. He couldn’t be in love with him...right?

Striker wasn’t surprised that Blitz didn’t believed him, from the time they spent together Striker knew that Blitz had low self esteem and when Striker listened to him he thought he was playing with him but was surprised to learn that Striker genuinely cared for what he had to say, that he paid attention and wanted to learn more about him.

He had to tell him he meant it when he wanted to know more about Blitz even when he didn’t believe him.

“I’m in love with you,” he took Blitz’s face in his hands and place a kiss on his forehead, cheeks, the scars on his face.

“I love you Blitz, I’ve been in love with you since I heard about you,”

Blitz looked at him, before wrapped his arms around Striker’s neck and kissed him. the cowboy and the city imp kissed as if it would’ve been their last day in hell.

In a way it almost was, Striker thanked  La Santa Muerte , for watching over him and making sure he returned to the one he loved.

Blitz was thankful towards Satan that Striker was alive and that he was here with him, the two pulled back for some much needed air, Blitz rested his head on Striker’s chest wanting to listen to his favorite sound in Hell. Striker’s heart beat.

“Promise me, promise me that you’ll stay by my side forever,”

“I promise you forever Blitz, when time wants to tear us apart I’ll stay by you, I promise you always; never will I wander from you never will I leave you; I promise you eternity, that even when our time comes and we are reincarnated into the next life I will always find you. I promise to love you Blitz my heart, soul, and body is yours forever and always and way pass eternity,”

“Wow...” Blitz pulled back and looked into Striker’s eyes.

“That was some fancy words you just used,”

Striker just smiled as he pulled Blitz closer to his body.

“For you and only you,”

[conaionaru]

UBBE ONESHOT

5. Say that again

@ritual-unions-gotme

Whenever Ubbe towered over her like this, she felt so small and vulnerable. But now, (Y/N) felt nothing but anger. He promised her so much. And then married the slave, Margrethe.

But she forgave him, how foolish she was—waiting for him like a lovesick fool, desperate for affection. A starving bitch in heat, that's what she was.

Taking care of Hvitserk while Ubbe spent time with his new lover Torvi was just another sad moment in (Y/N) life.

Braiding Hvitserk's freshly washed hair while he let out whimpering noises from time to time was not how she imagined her life. She was meant to marry Ubbe and carry his babies. Her strong, gentle, and honest lover.

That son of a bitch was a cheater like his father and brothers. (Y/N) clenched her teeth and stormed out of the hut, stomping her way to the Great Hall where Ubbe sat next to Torvi and Bjorn. "Your brother is in bad shape."

"Medically?"

"His sanity is gone. He sees Ivar everywhere, and you are sitting here! For so long, you complained how you missed him, and now when he is back, you spend time with your half brother and his wives!"

Ubbe stood from his seat and walked over to her. He towered over her once again, anger radiating from both of them. "He is responsible for what happened to him. He drunk and drugged himself into this state. If he left with me like he was supposed to, he wouldn't be like this."

(Y/N) scoffed and jabbed her finger into his chest. "All this talk about loving and protecting your brothers. And when they do something that you don't like, you abandon them. Just like everyone in your life. Margrethe was no saint, but she didn't deserve to be tied up like a rabid dog!"

"(Y/N). Watch your tongue."

"You have no right to tell me what to do! I am sick and tired of being your thrall instead of a lover. Do this, do that! And while I grab your weapon for you, you propose to a slave! Finally, you divorce her, but for your brother's ex-wife. And while you fuck her, I clean up Hvitserk's vomit from his hair. I am sick of it. Sick of you! "

"This is your last warning, (Y/N). Stop challenging me, or it will end badly for you."

(Y/N) chuckled and smirked at Ubbe. Not at all worried by his glare. "Do your worst, coward. Hiding behind your mother's killer and father's name. All your empty words and threats are getting tiring, Ubbe. If you can't face me like a man and tell me you don't want me, then you are not worth my time. I should have left you a long time ago. But better late than never. I am a free woman, and you are a pathetic man-child who idolizes the wrong people."

With that, she stormed out, leaving everyone behind shocked. Ubbe sped after her, murder in his eyes as he cornered her against a wall. "(Y/N)! What in Odin's name was that?"

She snorted at his spat out words and showed him the necklace he gave her a year ago. "You gave me your mother's necklace and told me you wanted to spend the rest of your life with me. Now you avoid me like the plague. What do you think would happen?"

"I did what was necessary."

"Fucking Torvi? Marrying Margrethe? What, did they hold a knife to your throat and order you to do it? You made your choice, and I made mine. I want children with a man that can commit, not just fuck and leave. There are plenty of men around for that."

Ubbe sighed and brushed her hair away from her face. "I never wanted to hurt you. I did what I had to do. I made a choice, but you can't leave."

"Why? Will you kill me? Tie me up or make me a slave?"

"Marry you."

"WHAT?!"

"I want you. But mother wouldn't allow it. As her oldest, I had to marry someone better for the kingdom. Margrethe was a chess piece, Torvi's children need a father. Torvi doesn't need a husband but someone who will help her. Lagerha needs to die, and the best way is to make her think she has an ally in me. I am angry at Hvitserk for choosing Ivar, angry at Ivar for making me feel inferior and angry at Bjorn for doing the same."

"What about me?"

"When mother is avenged, I will sit on the throne as she intended me to. But as king, I can choose my own queen. And I choose you. Not Torvi or Margrethe or any other woman. I want you (Y/N). I am sorry for making you feel like a disposable fucktoy. You are my heart and soul. When all of this is over... Would you still marry me? Choose me? Not for the crown but for me and my dumb habits."

(Y/N) smiled at his honest words and nodded. Whispering yes into his ear so no one else can hear. "Say that again." He begged against her forehead.

"I will marry you, Ubbe. I choose you, so don't make me regret the choice. I still stand by words, though. I don't regret those."

"Fair enough, wife." He teased, making her chuckled and punch him in the chest.

"Come visit Hvitserk. You can't conquer a kingdom all on your own. The sons of Ragnar Lothbrok are strongest when together."

[youwerenevermeanttofeelalone]

Comforting Revenge | Arvin Russell

✦ pairing — Arvin Russell x Teagardin!Plus Size Reader

✦ word count — 1.7k

✦ summary — neither revenge nor comfort are enough on their own. Arvin understands such thing better than anyone.

✦ warnings — spoilers for the film, mentions (not depictions) of rape and abuse, mentions of death, mentions (not depictions) of suicide, mentions of guns, angst, grief, probably language, some fluff.

✦ a/n — had a good time writing this. It’s shorter than I intended, but I’m happy with this one.

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Your sister in law wept on your shoulder, tightly hugging herself to your body. You scanned the area with your head held up high, a hand in her hair, softly caressing it.

The entire town had gathered around your brother’s casket, praying for his soul to reach the Lord in peaceful harmony.

A family was missing. You had seen them before, your brother had gone too far the day of his welcoming and humiliated them. But the humiliation hadn’t stopped them from attending church, the girl who had passed away mere weeks prior had visited the church even on weekdays.

She was close to your age, the poor thing — just like the woman sobbing in your arms. Grief worked in mysterious ways, you couldn’t possibly blame the family for skipping another funeral. You weren’t that cruel.

People extended their welcome by giving you both their condolences, saying they would be there for you if needed. The words were sincere for the most part, yet the only thing you could think of was the fact that any of those people could’ve been your brother’s killer.

Guiding your sister in law into the house, avoiding looking at the pictures where Preston smiled next to her, you offered to prepare her something to eat. Cynthia refused, argumenting that she wasn’t feeling too well.

You sat next to her on the bed, flinching upon realizing your brother had laid there hours prior. She rested her head on your lap, crying again.

It was hard not to weep with her when Preston had been everything both of you had. Money wouldn’t be an issue, you could start over in a new city, work at a newspaper using your family name… but loneliness would kill you and her.

It killed her first. Loneliness mingled with shame over what they found on top of your brother’s body. They said he had been having an affair with a girl that frequented church. Your sister in law couldn’t bear it, and much like the girl from the Russell family, she decided to leave Earth rather soon.

God would forgive her, you were sure. Cynthia had been asking for his mercy and forgiveness days prior — every time she prayed, she reminded the Lord how loyal she had been.

There was nothing left for you in Coal Creek. People had started to look at you with pity, apart from Emma Russell. The boy that always attended church with her was gone, you heard someone say he had always hated that place.

Your impressions had been different, and the timing was suspicious. Everybody in that town knew everything about everyone, you had heard he wasn’t from there but he had been welcomed as though he was because of his grandmother.

Tragedy haunted that family, they said. Well, it haunted yours too — and perhaps it was time for you to haunt the only person who hadn’t shown gratitude to your brother and his preaching.

You packed every belonging left in your brother’s house, pocketed every penny, and took his car. Unable to bring yourself to promise you would be back, you opted for leaving flowers on both his and Cynthia’s tombstones.

Driving had always been Preston’s thing. He taught you how to do it, telling you not to trust the family driver. You weren't bad at it, he had been a good teacher, but it wasn't the same. Your older brother wouldn't drive you anywhere from now on, and you wondered if God hated you for not being as close to him as Preston was.

You gripped Preston’s pistol tightly, praying, for the first time in years, that you would be competent at using it. Women in your family weren't raised to carry weapons, only children — breaking traditions had always been your thing either way.

For someone who was attempting to get away with murder, Arvin Russell was a moron. It wasn’t hard to find him, and Deputy Lee’s body only incriminated him further on.

Good. He must pay.

Would he kill you too? Would you be able to strike first? Both outcomes would work in your favor in one way or another; that was enough.

He pointed his gun at you. “Put it down.”

“You first.”

He didn’t follow the instruction so you didn’t either. Tempted to look down at the body before your feet, you set your jaw.

He spoke, already making excuses for his crime, “My sister is dead because of your brother.”

“Did my brother hang her?”

Arvin flinched. The limp weight of Lenora’s body still heaved on him alongside the pathetic attempts he had spurted to save her when it was so damned late. “He made her do it,” he gritted.

Your hand trembled. Preston could be ruthlessly cruel if he wanted, even you whom he swore to love had been a victim of his poisonous words. “Did he insult her?”

He nodded. “He ruined her life.”

“So you ruined mine and Cynthia’s?” He looked lost upon hearing her name. “His wife,” you explained.

“The wife he raped every night?”

“My brother might have been rude and a cheater,” you conceded, voice unsteady as you curled and uncurled your fingers around the pistol, “but he was no monster.”

He wiped his free hand against his jeans, looking at you. His left eye twitched. “You really don't know what that son of a bitch did…”

Shifting on your feet, you swatted the arm in your hand. “Tell me and I might spare you.”

“Cynthia. How old is she?”

“Was,” you croaked. “She followed your sister’s example.”

He looked down. You could’ve sworn he seemed upset.

Yet you were the one who dropped the pistol, in tears. He could’ve been lying, but what could he gain from ruining your life some more?

Further on, he didn't shoot your vulnerable self. Arvin picked the pistol up and pocketed it along with his before kneeling next to you.

“I only wanted justice.”

“The world isn’t just,” you rasped.

“Mmhmm. But my sister didn’t deserve to suffer that much… Alone.”

You sniffed, nodding.

He sighed, “‘m sorry ‘bout your loss.

You scoffed. “No, you’re not. It’s fine, really, it seems that you have your reasons.”

He remained silent, craning his neck, observing the area. The leaves under his knees crunched as he shifted. “We should leave.”

You knew. The last thing you needed was being seen near the deputy’s body. Standing up, you took a glance at Arvin. Your eyes burned from the tears threatening to slip away.

Finding that your brother didn't even deserve your tears only made you want to cry harder. To scream at the sky for damning you when you had never done anything wrong.

He handed you the pistol back. Nodding downward. In contrast, you shook your head. “Keep it if you wish.”

“I don't.”

“Sell it. Or give it away…” Your bottom lip trembled. “I am not strong enough to carry that cursed thing.”

“Looks to me like you are.”

You ignored the comment and turned around. If he wanted to kill you from the back like a coward, so be it.

You wished he had done it, he would have spared you if he had dared to shoot the person to whom he had just ruined the only good memories they had.

Standing before the car, you broke down again. How could you drive that thing where Preston had pried upon innocent girls? Girls your age and younger than you, girls whose lives would be tainted or interrupted.

A hand on your shoulder startled you. Arvin gripped you tightly, stuttering in weak attempts to find comforting words.

You threw your arms around his neck, crying on the shoulder of your brother’s killer. He held you delicately with his arms around your waist.

“I don't know what I’m gonna do now,” you admitted, so scared that you hiccuped.

“Me neither,” he meekly whispered.

“Stick around for a bit, yeah?”

Arvin hummed. “Yeah.”

════════════════════════

With your arms crossed, you allowed the grumpy looking man to inspect the car. He had been shocked to find it was a woman who was selling it, but he seemed to want it badly enough to bite his filthy tongue.

He paid you up reluctantly, glaring at Arvin who had stood silent the entire time. You saved as much money as you could, unsure as to when you would get some more.

“Tired?” you asked, picking two of your bags.

He silently lifted the other, nodding upward so you would start walking. “I'm okay.

“Cynthia’s clothes are too small for me, we might as well sell them too and get rid of that weight.”

“Not here. We don’t need more eyes on us.”

Narrowing your eyes, you looked up. Daylight was fading, casting a muted pallet onto the sky.

You stopped at the first motel you found. Followed by Arvin, you pushed the door open. The woman at the counter guided you to your room for the night, bored out of her mind as she slurred her words.

Thanking her, you took the key from her grasp. Arvin picked the bed closest to the door, dropping his bag onto the floor with no care.

He watched you from the bed. Placing your bags against the bed you would occupy, you stared back.

Arvin stood up, approaching you. He only had to take five steps for his breath to mix with yours. His fingers brushed the side of your face as he lifted his hand, curious eyes bouncing from your own to your mouth.

“Is it alright if I kiss you?”

“Yes,” you breathed, eagerly.

His hands cradled your face. As he completely leaned in, his tired eyes lidded closed, and his dry lips tentatively touched yours. You grabbed him by the neck, leisurely kissing him. His hands slipped to the back of your head, holding you closer with a tilted head.

Arvin pressed his mouth harder against yours and everything around you disappeared, you only knew his lips and hands, tenderly keeping you from falling apart.

He only pulled away to take a breath, eyes still closed as his forehead rested on yours. Giving your lips a peck, then another one, he wrapped his arms around your neck too.

At that moment you didn’t know, but that kiss —one that you had only shared in search for fickle comfort— sealed your faith and broke the curse you had been stuck in by being a Teagardin.

That kiss gave Arvin the fresh new start he had needed since he found his daddy’s body, the opportunity to look at a cross and remember the happiest day of his life and not the saddest.

[novelist-becca]

Favorite Eda quotes

"Come a little closer. Closer. Yeah that's good. (Blows raspberry)"

"I haven't broken any of your stupid laws. In front of you!"

"No, blind obedience! No! Pointless busywork. NO…WHY! SCHOOOOOL!"

"A surprisingly peaceful domestic moment. When will it be ruined? There it is!"

"I know I should be repulsed, but that look is fierce."

"Alright, everybody in the pot. Why do I always think that's gonna work?"

"Huh. Weaponizing my pride. Well played."

"Look out for this human! Ah, you did good kid."

"If that dumb crown's important to him, it's important to me."

"Oh, dear child. (Whips off bandana) I'm not like you."

"What's the fun in seeing a kid get eaten by a monster if it's my kid?"

"I want to enroll my human Luz at Hexcide. And before you get all judgy…"

"Huh. I thought there'd be more."

"That's my girl!"

"Yeah, that's right! Luz is MY student! Back off, academy twerps! Ah, baby's first wanted poster."

"I'm just gonna sneak away when the thing starts eating the twins."

"I'm only doing this because I have faith in you. And I know you're too smart to fall for the 'one witch one coven' thing."

"Try not to be too much of a goody-Luz shoes. You got this."

"YOU cheated! Perfect Prissy Lilith cheated! Hot dang I love coventions! Lalalala, still cheated! Welcome down to MY level!"

"Hands off my human, you misshapen excuse for a monster!"

"No. I refuse to battle my sister! I've decided the covens aren't really my style. Hey, don't forget about me when you're a big shot, sis."

"Hehehe, yeah, 'intimidation armor'."

"If cheaters never prosper, why was I the star player?"

"And another thing. That was totally amazing, and I'm so joining you for the next conjuring!"

"Now, this…(puts on funny glasses) this will make me rich!"

"You've always looked down on me because I'm wild, but fortunately that just made me work HARDER than you!"

"The only thing that can slow me down is my curse, and that hasn't bothered me for weeks! (Feathers sprout out of her arms) Uh oh."

"Ugh, go on. Do the parallel arm thing."

"Everyone wants to believe they're 'chosen', but if we waited for a prophecy to tell us, we'd die waiting, and that's why you need to choose yourself."

"Look at this, a human doing magic! Good on you, kid."

"No I don't--it sparkles and shimmers and shines and delights, I must have it for my nest~"

"I'm not teaching you magic tonight, I'm sleeping. I'm a sleepy little owl."

"Gross, sympathy. Go. Go have fun at sport."

"When did I swallow a swing?"

"So tiny, so angry!"

"He's my palisman, and we're bonded for life. I'd annihilate anyone that'd hurt him."

"Does this remind you of when we used to race to the kitchen, Lily?"

"We may fight, but you're still my sister. Besides, if anyone's putting you down, it's gonna be me. Ha!"

"Oh, sure. Spare us."

"You stay away from her, or so help me, Titan…"

"(about Luz) Wait! Don't touch her! Lilith! Don't let him hurt her! Lilith!"

"I won't let him hurt you. A human like you is much more valuable to me alive than dead!"

"Be back by nightfall or risk mortal peril!"

"Magic staff, come to me! It's early."

"(After getting her head cut off) OW! Oh I hate it when that happens!"

"Owlbert, you're lucky I can't get mad at your adorable antics."

"Just when I thought I couldn't respect the law any less, it surprises me."

"Dumb kids? Wait…THOSE ARE MY DUMB KIDS!"

"Lilith. You hurt Luz, you cursed me, before anything turns to stone I'll tear you apart!"

"Ah, what a good kid. So considerate. She deserves something nice. And I think I know what."

"Yup. Something tells me Luz is gonna like having a cape." (And this was after Eda said she was gonna make one for herself!)

"Junk, junk, death hex."

"I know poison when I see it. You can't scam a scammer."

"Dang it Luz! Your nonsense has gotten into my head."

"She's changed the feel of this house. She's always had a good heart, but was impatient and always bit off more than she could chew. But despite all that, I think she's finally growing up."

"Stop hiding behind Luz you COWARD!"

"Maybe it is the curse. But then how pathetic are you, that you can't best me at my WORST!"

"I am NOT obsessed! Am i winning?"

"What's next, Bumpykins? (Bump holds up a plunger and she growls)"

"How's THAT for interesting? There's levels to me kid, levels I say!"

"(About Gus) The kid scares me."

"That's my power, kid. And before you showed up, I spent my whole life wasting it."

"Alright kid. Listen to me. I'm going away and, I don't know if I can bounce back this time. Watch over King, remember to feed Hooty. And Luz, thank you, for being in my life."

"I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna bake that bird in a pie!"

"Witches eating babies is so 1693. What is this?"

"I can't believe I'm about to do this. Rock, rock, maternal gesture."

"(After Luz says she looks motherly) Say that again and I steal your tongue."

"No! Listen to me. I'm here because of my own actions. I went against Belos' law and for a while I was able to get away with it. I don't regret anything. I lived freely, and…I got to meet you. But if you stay here, I won't be able to protect you. You need to leave. NOW."

"I love you too, kiddo."

"I'm going out for a few days to an undisclosed place to do undisclosed things. You're in charge. No questions. I said no questions!"

"(After Luz offers to teach Eda) Thanks kid. I look forward to that."

"It smells more of nerd than money."

"A, ew, B, I'm bored, C, I feel like pickpocketing some dork while they browse."

"You think this can stop me? I can still bite your ankles."

"Not so fast, Mr Tibbles. The bad guy always gets his just deserts."

"In your adorable owl face."

[littlemessyjessi]

Torn: Remus Lupin Story: PS OC:Chapter Five: Fearless First Year

————————-

Remus Lupin Imagine Turned Story

Re-Written and Edit of an old story of mine I had on Mibba that deserved some more love and attention, lol.

Remus Lupin x Vega Black (OC, OFC, PLUS SIZE OC, PLUS SIZE OFC)

———————————————–

“You occasionally see one, and it’s the thrill of a lifetime. But mostly all you ever see is a cloud of dust after they are gone. It’s their stubborn ability to survive that makes them so remarkable.” — Velma “Wild Horse Annie” Johnston

----------

Chapter Song Inspiration: 

“Fearless” - Olivia Holt 

--------

Days turned to weeks and by now all of Hogwarts had come to know Rowan Black as the Feisty First Year. Much to her embarrassment. James wouldn't shut up. Sirius was no help. They'd made BUTTONS with her face on them surrounded charmed blue flames. "Here, get your Feisty First Year buttons! The Rebellious Ravenclaw!" Vega’s blood boiled as she watched the two of them walk around the courtyard passing out buttons like she was some kind of freak at the circus. "James!" she hissed at him and he whirled around to see the very angry little eleven year old. "Come here!" "Ah, here she is now, ladies and gents!" he grinned and nudged Sirius who winked at her mischievously. She deadpanned at the both of them before searching out the only person who she could reason with. A person who just so happen to be hiding his face in a book. "Remus." she said placing her hands down on the table in front of the shy Gryffindor. He cleared his throat and looked up at her sheepishly, "Vega..." She arched a brow at him. "I didn't have anything to do with it..." he lied. Those stormy grey orbs narrowed at him viciously, "I'm a fairly good lie detector, Remus John Lupin." His brows rose into his hair line, "How did you know my middle name?" "I'm also wildly observant." she seethed. "Now, make them stop." "I can't..." he mumbled not wanting to go against his only friends. Although, he'd be lying if he said he wasn't a little afraid of her. Eleven or not....Vega had the ability to be terrifying when she wanted to be. "Coward." she snapped and he sunk further down. She was angry now but maybe she'd forgive him when she saw what was coming. "Step right up! Take your chance! Who's brave enough to face off against the Feisty First Year?!" James boasted and she rounded on him. "James Potter!" she hissed. "I am NOT getting in a fight." "There she goes, boys! Wound up already! Who's brave enough to take her on?" Sirius added. "Sirius...Orion...Black..." she seethed at her older cousin. "Stop encouraging him!" "What's the matter bitty baby? Afraid of a rematch?" Vega knew that voice and she glowered over at her older cousin....who now had her wand back...and an entourage. "Bellatrix, dear cousin!" Sirius boasted with a grin and started towards her, "Have a button!" "Get that thing away from me!" Bella snapped and slapped his hand away from her. "Oh, come now!" Sirius smirked. "Say, you beat V in a rematch and we'll put YOUR face all over the buttons!" "Sirius!" Vega snapped at him in disbelief. "I will not-" "What's wrong?" Bella sneered. "Afraid of a little competition....frightful first year?" Vega glanced over at her older cousin, Andromeda with an arched brow. "You're encouraging this?" Vega pressed in irritation. "No." Andromeda said. "I'm not." "And if I were to accept?" Vega challenged....effectively causing a roar of applause at a possible dueling match making her sigh and pinch the bridge of her nose. 

"Hypothetically speaking," Andromeda began. "If you were to accept in my presence I'd be obligated to stop you but since I've just remembered my potions homework....I'll be going over there." Andromeda said with a knowing smirk. For a prefect...she was oddly cool about a lot of things. Vega narrowed her eyes and ground her teeth together. They were idiots. All of them. Absolute idiots. "Let's do this." The students around her roared to life and Bella smirked. "One on one." Vega said. "Wand to wand." "Afraid cousin?" Bella taunted. "No, but I'm not stupid." Vega snapped. "You've always been a cheater. People who lack talent tend to go that route." A round of laughter coursed through the students at Bella's expense. "You little!" Bella snapped drawing her wand but Vega had already cast the disarming charm....landing Bella's wand in her hand. Again. "It's your temper than blocks your vision, Bella." Vega sighed with a shake of her head...though never taking her eyes off her opponent. Vega tossed it back to her. "Again." she said. The fire in Bellatrix' eyes told her that she aimed to hurt her this time but Vega was prepared. She never wanted to hurt others but Bella had a way of pressing her buttons. What happened next was fast and rapid fire. Hexes, curses, deflections and disarming charms flew between the two girls like lightning. Beams of light and gusts of power. What started as a simple duel had quickly turned into something else and Andromeda had already joined the group again. "You little blood traitor!" Bella roared at her younger cousin. "No one is here to protect you now! I can show you how our family treats traitors!" "Bellatrix!" Andromeda snapped but the grin on her younger sister's face told her she wouldn't be stopping. "Bella, no!" Andromeda lunged forward. She recognized the wand movement of the Cruciatis curse. Bellatrix turned on Sirius because she knew that was the way to get to Vega anyway. However, Vega had cast a protective shield in front of him throwing her back. "Get. away. from. him." Vega growled visciously. "Struck a nerve have I?" Bella smirked. “Ready to give up, Bitty Baby?” 

“Not likely.” Vega said. 

“Scared little baby!” Bella cackled. “Shaking with fear!” 

Vega snapped her wand around her head like a whip and the students backed up as the protection shield in front of Sirius widened....and encased the two girls in a dome. Andromeda ran forward in a panic but smacked into a barrier between herself and the girls. Things had escalated far quicker than she had anticipated....and now she couldn't stop it. Her fist beat on the barrier and she was soon joined by Narcissa and Sirius. "Sirius, make her stop!" she pleaded. "I can't!" he said. "She's protecting me! You can't talk to her when she's like that!" "Vega!" Andromeda said. "Take it down! Bella, don't you dare!" But she was too late. Bellatrix had turned to her younger with a glare. She took in the younger girl's form. She was using magic that was a bit beyond her level...and it was taking a toll on her. Blood ran from her nose and her grey eyes took on a glossy appearance. "Look at you." Bella sneered. "You're not even worth the air. Perhaps, I should just rid us all of you now. You can join your dirty blood traitor parents! Dear old dead mummy and daddy!”  "Sirius..." Andromeda whispered in horror. "Someone get the headmaster! Go! Somebody get some help!" Several beams of light and red sparks were shot into the air to alert the staff while other students ran for help. "Bellatrix! No!" Andromeda stared at her sister. She knew that look. Bella thrived on power. She thrived on having something's life in the palm of her hands. She was the child who set ant hills on fire. She was the child who choked frogs until they stopped moving. She was dark...and she loved seeing the light leave things. She could see now that she planned to do the same to Vega. Bella raised her wand, "Good bye, cousin." Vega struggled to her feet but she stood as tall as she could. She'd be damned if she let Bella take her on her knees. She'd give it all she had....even if it killed her. "Avada Kedavr-" "Expecto Patronum!" A beam of silver exploded from Vega’s wand.

“You got it, love.” she heard her father’s voice in her ear causing tears to well up. 

“Show ‘em what we’re made of, babydoll.” her mother’s voice in her other ear. 

Vega pushed the last bit of magic she had into the spell and an enormous horse erupted from the tip of Vega’s wand and charged forward.  

 It reared up over Bella's stunned form that had been blown backwards onto her back. 

The magnificent creature let out a powerful sound as it stood over the shaking second year's form. "I'm sorry!" Bella cried. "I'm sorry! I'm sorry! Please don't- please don't!" Vega struggled to stand as she concentrated on the magic she'd just performed. It was far too advanced for her to even attempt and yet somehow she'd managed to do it. But it had taken every last bit she had left. As she collapsed, the horse vanished, the barrier broke and a rush of feet surrounded both the girls. The last thing Vega heard before she lost consciousness was, "That's impossible. A first year has never been able to perform a barrier spell that solid." "Barrier? Are you blind? She just produced a full formed patronus! This is amazing! My sister is amazing!"

“Not your sister. Your cousin.” 

“Oh fuck off! That’s my baby sister! My fucking amazing, badass, queen of a baby sister! This is fucking wicked!”  "Mr. Potter take Mr. Black to the Gryffindor common room immediately!" It made her smile a bit Sirius’ ability to be an absolute dork at the worst possible moment. It was that thought that let her slip into the darkness peacefully while the whispers ignited around her. 

Vega Black. 

Not the Feisty First Year. 

The Fearless First Year. 

------

Chapter Four 

Chapter Six Coming Soon

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—–

Hello my lovelies!

Woooo child!  We got some friction! How do we feel about Vega fiesty retaliation? I’d love to hear from you!

Here is another rewrite of a previous work of mine that I had on Mibba! I did a bit of reworking on the character, her name and her backstory because I just felt like she deserved more!  I would love to know what you think of little Vega!

So please comment, reblog with thoughts and/or smash the ask box!  I do so love hearing from you my loves!

Love,

Kenny

————————-

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Love, Kenny

[eris-builds-a-world]

OC-tober Day 3: Duel

Prompt list by @oc-growth-and-development​ 

Duel between Ever (she/her) and Kori (he/him). They’re both about 17 years old. Futuristic setting, where they are part of an elite mission on a distant planet. 

Warnings for violence against both characters, swearing, and use of weapons.

***

“Fight me!” Ever screamed, making another lunge at the boy in front of her. 

Kori backed away, panic rising in his circuits. Ever clearly wasn’t giving up on this. The girl had worked herself into a frenzy, and despite his best efforts, Kori couldn’t think of a way to talk her down. 

“What is that going to prove?” he asked, his volume rising louder than intended. He dodged another of her blows, but she responded with a quick kick to his chestplate. “Either you win, and my siblings--” he rocketed back several feet, avoiding a kick to his face “--aren’t very good at designing protective casings. Or I win, because I have literal iron bars for bones! I don’t want to hurt you!” 

The girl didn’t let up at his warnings, but raced toward him for another punch. 

“Coward!” she hollered, her voice cracking. “Cheater!” A flurry of punches, and then her foot slammed down on his boot, sinking him slightly into the ground. Although the air was thick, the sand around them was billowing up from Kori’s earlier propulsion. 

This close, Kori could see pure hatred in Ever’s eyes. Pink and blue strands of hair stuck to the sweat on her forehead, and Kori tried not to look at the spit forming around her mouth. 

“You cheat death and leave the rest of us to starve!” Kori thought her shouting was unnecessary, as they were standing face to face, but she continued, her contempt lifting up to the skies. “You will never be a person, you’re nothing but scrap metal. You should have stayed six feet under like you belong!” 

As gingerly as he could, Kori caught her hands in his own, keeping her from throwing more blows. She yanked back, but his grip held firm. He thought about lifting her by her hands and flying them back to base as they were. The purple bruises around her wrists gave him second thoughts, though. He worried her earlier punches may have caused broken bones, and lifting her like this might lead to more damage. 

His indecision gave her the opening she needed. With all her might she kicked at his knee, trying to bend it backwards. Kori stumbled, releasing his grip, and in the time it took to blink, the girl had pulled a knife out of who-knows-where and was jabbing it at his face. 

Kori threw a hand up in defense and soon found it punctured, the end of the knife sticking through his hand. He was sure he saw Ever’s lips curl in satisfaction. A quick assessment told him the hydraulics in his hand would need to be repaired.

The next minute was a flurry of sand and dirt, Ever continuing her attacks and Kori deflecting. When Kori had Ever soundly knocked to the ground, he flew into the air, getting more distance between them. But when the dust settled, she was no longer lying in the sand as he expected. 

A flash of blue hair ducked behind their dune buggy, and Kori dodged away before a taser blast made impact with his midsection. He cautiously descended so he wouldn’t have to shout as loud. 

“This is pointless,” he told her. “Isn’t it good? Shouldn’t families be reunited if they can? I’m not a machine. Or...I mean, I am, but I’m not replacing a person. I just have...prosthetics.” He gestured to her and the empty supply route they had been traveling along. “You’re just angry at everything, and you’re getting yourself hurt.” 

Several taser blasts shot toward him. He had to admire her aim, because despite his trajectory tracking, she managed to clip his hip. For a moment, his world went dark and he plummeted to meet the ground. When he regained his sight, Ever was standing on his wrists, her rifle pointed at his head. 

“Reunited?” The word dripped like poison. “Like anyone cares about reuniting families if there’s no money in it. I think I have a right to be angry!” Now the rifle was at his throat. “No one seemed to care about reuniting families when they decided my land was expendable! Where were all the medical teams and body upgrades for us? News flash, there are still actual people planet-side, trying to survive wars.” 

Some quick math told him yes, he could flip Ever off of him before she took her next shot. Her rant continued, and he waited for the best timing. 

“But you?! You beef it and everyone rushes to mop you up and turn you into a machine. No one deserves to be immortal, least of all some pampered satellite bastard like you!” 

Kori stiffened at that. The idea that his life had any correlation to the word pampered was laughable. He hadn’t known what her life was like on Earth, so yeah, he didn’t blame her for going ballistic. But she clearly had no idea what his life was like either. He figured blowing off some steam wasn’t a bad idea after all. 

“Fine, you want to do this?” he snarled back, trying his best to make his face plates look aggressive. “No one’s here to stop us. If you’re that angry, hit me like you mean it.” And he flung her into the air. 

Her rifle shot went wide, but she kept a tight grip on the firearm while she landed unsteadily on her feet. 

Kori (mostly) no longer held back, trading blow for blow, and trying to knock the rifle from her arms when he had the chance. Her knife made a comeback, and he wasn’t even sure where she was keeping that! In a matter of minutes, scorch marks spattered the ground. Kori propelled into the air just to get a break from her rage, but she latched on, and soon they were both several stories in the air. Shit, he didn’t want to accidentally drop her and kill her. 

But she didn’t seem phased by the risk of falling, and the close proximity only fueled her on, giving her a chance to try to stab her knife under his shoulder blade. 

As the two came crashing down to the ground, Kori made a mental note to apologize to her later for the likelihood of giving her more broken bones. The fall only mildly slowed her frenzy, and she was back on him in a flash. She was pulling at ears and joints, anything she could find purchase on. Kori was certain if she found a way inside his casing, she would dismantle him then and there. 

So he punched her. Really punched her, and she fell several feet back. The sand dug into her limbs and face, but when they locked eyes, Kori saw her grinning wildly. Like, an actual smile. Which would have been amazing if it wasn’t so terrifying. 

Ever lunging back at her opponent, and Kori found his shoulder trapped in a hold as Ever twisted his arm around her own arm and leg. In her pained state, she put all her strength into pulling his shoulder apart; which she was quickly succeeding at. Kori could feel the metal arm separating from its socket, wires stretched to their limit and fraying. He was going to lose his arm, not to an alien invasion, but to an upset teammate. 

“Okay, ow. Ow!” Kori scrambled to push her off from him, but she wasn’t relenting. “Stop already! Ow!” Kori squealed. 

And then she let go. 

They sat on the ground staring at each other. Kori counted 11 agonizing seconds. Ever’s sweat had turned the sand on her body into mud, which was caked on her clothes and certainly getting trapped in the open wounds she had received. Kori’s hand was leaking an undisclosed fluid. 

“That really hurt? You weren’t just faking?” Ever asked. Kori noticed her arm was shaking, though her fist tightened its grip on her knife.

“Duh, you were trying to rip my arm off!” 

Ever huffed. “Nearly succeeded too, if you weren’t such a baby.” She was quiet for a beat. Then she let out a war cry loud enough Kori was certain homebase could hear it. As her voice quieted, Kori thought she was actually laughing. 

“Thanks, bolts-for-brains. I needed that. You would think if you’re supposed to be some superweapon, they would make you out of thicker stuff. Remind me not to depend on you for life-and-death situations.”

For awhile, the only sound was her labored breathing and a metallic grinding, like gears out of synch. 

“I guess we should...head back to camp?” Kori suggested. Ever nodded. He noted that the girl made no attempt to stand up. 

“If you need, I could carry you,” he offered. 

“Hell no.” She climbed to her feet, trying and failing to hide a grimace. “Though I guess if you use your rocket boots, I won’t try to stab you if we...hold onto each other and fly back. It might make you actually useful for once.” 

“About that,” Kori countered. “You cut the fuel line when you were stabbing my leg. Rocket engines are out of commission.” 

“Ha!” Ever shouted. “I’m proved right once again! You heard it here, sand scum, robots are completely useless!” 

And so they began the tedious journey back. Kori eyed his human companion. Her hands were...well, “mangled” was the best description Kori could find. He was sure the team would put her in double casts for the foreseeable future. And Kori didn’t even want to think about what Zed would do when he saw Kori’s shoulder...and fuel line...and shielding...and hand. 

Stealing another glance at Ever, he was pretty sure she walked with a proud swagger after the damage she had done to him. Or maybe that was just a limp.

[gliese710]

Love - The Punishment: Part 1

Pairing: Kyungsoo x Y/N

Genre: Fluff/Angst

Summary: Y/N is a low ranked devil who finds her joy in the smallest of mischiefs. If only a certain angel could mind his own business.

Warnings: Swearings I guess?

Masterpost

Note: This is my first story. I'm still not sure if it's readable at all or if posting was a good idea. Still if you're reading this feel free to make suggestions ^^

----------------------------

"Smash the TV, it's tit for tat," you whisper in the enraged boy's ear. His mother just broke his gaming console. As, of course, you were successful in provoking him to play all day long despite his finals knocking on the door. And when his mother hid the console maybe you also convinced him to steal it. Teenagers should have fun, you thought.

You watch as the boy picks up his baseball bat and storms through the door. A small smirk plays on your lips as you spread your wings to follow him, not wanting to miss the show.

Goal. You step in the living room excitedly. But-

What the fuck is he doing? A frown takes place on your brows upon seeing the boy hesitant to execute the action.

Once again you reach out to him, "Come on, do it. You'll feel much better if you take your anger out. She deserves it anyway, never letting you do anything you want. This is your life, you are the one to decide how you want to spend it. She has no right to dictate you."

Still, the boy doesn't budge from his position. You watch as guilt flashes in his eyes and he slowly starts retreating to his room, leaving the TV intact.

Realization hits you like a truck after a moment. Angel. 

You move your head left and right to confirm your suspicion. And there he is, sitting on top of the dining table, legs hanging below, white wings tucked behind his back with all his grace, glaring at you with big bright eyes.

You huff out in annoyance. There's no point being here anymore. Shooting back a death glare at him, you fly out of the house.

Fucking snob. He just had to ruin your day. Now you need to find another prey. Not that it's hard, the world is full of shits anyway.

You find your target pretty soon, a small kid with his mother in a convenience store. And it's winter so-

"You want ice cream," you command, lips twitching upwards as the boy obeys you. And surely his mother denies.

So you proceed to the next step, "Chocolate ice cream tastes so good. She'll have to buy you one if you get on the floor and cry."

You were so ready to enjoy a little drama, and yet...yet the kid nods in obedience. Forget throwing a fit, he doesn't even argue.

Impossible. A small kid just resisted your advances.

You stand baffled for a second before narrowing your eyes on the source of your disruption. Of course he won't leave you that easily. 

The saucer-eyed angel from before is staring at you from outside the store, with the blankest expression of all time and you get a sudden urge to claw those eyes out.

That jobless piece of shit, why the fuck is he following you?

You decide to ask him the right way, the violent way. He bought this upon himself.

However, as you were just about to stop throwing daggers at him through your eyes and move outside so that you could maybe punch some sense into him, he flies away.

You hurriedly run outside the store but he's already gone.

Sneaky bastard.

You decide to call it a day. He just sucked up all your energy.

-------------------------------

Fucking unbelievable. You had been in a great mood lately, having spent a good productive week. And here the ass of an angel had to ruin that by destroying your sweetest treat.

You spent so much time provoking that girl with the princess syndrome to bully the other girl who's wearing a wristwatch probably from the Joseon era. Seriously though, why would she even wear a model this old?

And finally, when the bully was about to break the watch he had to interrupt.

Now you are beyond mad. What is he even doing here, again?

You're not going to let him get away without settling the scores this time. He'll have to pay for your loss.

You were expecting to see him flee like before. So you get a little surprised when he doesn't even move from his position seeing you approaching.

"It's her mother's. She is wearing it because it's her death anniversary and she feels lonely, " the creep says, eyes fixed on the girl, not even sparing you a glance.

You furrow your brows in confusion. Why is he telling you all these? Is he trying to get you more worked up, by rubbing the fact in your face that you missed a good chance at witnessing a catfight when triggered enough?

He turns to look at your confused form glaring murderously at him and sighs heavily, before getting ready to run away again.

Huh. Like he could.

You too take flight after him. "Hey, dickhead! Mind telling me why the hell are you following me?" you ask, tailing behind him.

"It was a coincidence, I'm not following you," he retorts with a cold emotionless voice, looking straight ahead.

"Yeah, right," you scoff.

He keeps flying, still refusing to look at you.

"Where are you going?" you continue chasing him.

Silence.

"Do you stalk other devils too?"

Silence.

"I'm sure you were a stalker while alive, old habits die hard you know. You were accidentally put in the heaven, righ-"

He finally stops.

"I told you I wasn't following you," he speaks with a slight rise in his voice. "Stop with your tactics and please leave me alone."

"Oh! How can I leave my perfect source of entertainment alone when he willingly walked into my den?"

He glowers at you and you raise your brows, giving him a mischievous upturn of your lips.

After that day, the angel had never been left alone. You clung onto him like a leech. He tried hard to get rid of you, giving you fierce glares or sometimes trying to sweet talk you into leaving him. Nothing worked, so he gave up eventually, resorting to acting like you were invisible to him.

You're enjoying the time of your life though. Annoying him is so much fun.

"I bet that tastes nasty. What do you think?" you say, sitting beside him on the couch, watching as the newlywed husband tries hard to swallow the food his wife cooked for him. He smiles afterward, telling her this is the best food he has ever eaten.

You snort at this.

"Such cheesy lines! Aren't angels supposed to be against lying?"

He doesn't pay you any attention, instead keeps his gaze glued on the couple. The girl is now laughing hard at some joke her lovesick puppy of a husband has told.

You're itching to ruin this moment. A few days from now, they're going to be at each other's neck anyway. Why pretending now!

But your power is too limited to do anything in the presence of your companion. So pestering him would have to do for now.

"What's your name?" you ask him for the n-th time, also to get completely ignored for the n-th time.

You sigh dramatically, " It's rude you know. I've given you my name and you still refuse to tell me yours. Angels aren't supposed to be rude like this."

You get his attention this time.

"Will you leave me alone if I give you my name?" he slowly turns to look at you.

"But why would I do that?" you chuckle, "I'm not leaving you alone and that's the reason you should tell me your name," you continue, batting your eyes innocently, "We're going to spend a lifetime together."

He rolls his eyes and looks away again.

"Come on. I'm not that bad as a company and it's not like you have any friends anyway. I'm doing you a favor by keeping you entertained, " you say, now hovering over his face so that he has no choice but to look at you.

"I have friends..." he scowls, "and you just keep my headaches incessant."

You smirk and he stands up, pushing you aside to leave the house. His job here is done.

You follow, humming and swaying like a child behind him, leaving the giggling couple alone.

-------------------------------

Kyungsoo can't believe his eyes. He has spent the last hour practically begging her not to do this, telling her over and over again that this shall pass, that everything will be fine again, that this is not her fault so she shouldn't be the one to commit to eternal suffering. He barely has any energy left. So, when she jumps off the cliff despite all that, he feels devastated, worthless even.

Grief covers his heart. He stares blankly at the hollow space in front of him, standing completely still.

"See..." you yawn, "Told you it's a lost case. It would be more fun to see her rip that cheater boyfriend's head off, but at least the world is ridden of a coward now. Why did she even have to love him so blindly, it always ends up the same. She had it coming anyway, being so fooli-"

"Shut up!" he snarls.

You visibly flinch. He looks outrageous. You shudder a little under his blazing gaze.

"You did this! If only I could concentrate more...but no! A useless piece of filth had to be even more of a burden," he scoffs, "Why do you even exist? The world would definitely be a better place without you!"

You stand dumbstruck. Partly because you have never imagined him to be anything other than the epitome of patience, but mostly because of how you are feeling right now. You should feel angry or happy even that you triggered him, an angel! But strangely those feelings are nowhere to be found, instead you feel...sad?

"The next time I see you I'll make sure the world gets ridden of atleast one piece of it's burdens," he growls and with that flies off to somewhere, leaving you too stunned to move.

You stand there, unable to move your eyes from the spot he stood a moment ago, utterly shaken.

Your chest feels heavy for some unknown reason. Snapping out of it after a while, you too fly, though this time not after a certain someone.

You feel lost, not knowing where to go or what to do. You curse under your breath when you realize that a few days of entertainment has done more harm to yourself than good. 

You've never been so directionless before.

[kpop-zone]

Habits | Momo

Warnings: some curse words

Genre: angst, fluff

Wordcount: 3,233

Request: the reader’s done with momo cheating her boyfriend with her just bc he’s a cheater too, when the reader is clearly in love with her. The reader stops the “relationship” and momo realizes who was there when she needed a shoulder to cry on

Momo: What are you doing tonight?

Annoyed you threw your phone on your bed, not being in the mood to answer Momo’s text. You knew exactly why she was texting you. You had gone through this process countless times before. Momo’s boyfriend cheated on her, she was heartbroken, reached out to you so you could pick up the pieces and when you were just finished with building her up again, she would go back to her boyfriend who swore that it would be different this time.

You wanted to be mad at Momo for crawling back to this sleazebag again and again after he had cheated on her countless times, thinking that he would love her eventually. But how could you be? Were you that different from her? You were pretty sure that Momo knew that you were in love with her. Nevertheless, she used you over and over again and you let her. So maybe the two of you were more similar than you wanted to admit.

But not this time. You had to break this vicious cycle. Reaching out to your phone, you held the power button until it turned off.

“I deserve better.”

You mumbled to yourself before devoting yourself to your work again.

After checking off all your daily obligations, you were looking forward to spending a relaxing night at home. You had just bought fresh ingredients, deciding that you should not only stop poisoning yourself with Momo’s antics, but also with stuffing your body with microwave dishes.

This was a new start.

You were just jamming to your favorite song while cooking your dinner when you heard your doorbell ring. Confused about who could disturb you at this hour, you made your way to the door. But as soon as you opened it, regret washed over you. Of course it was her. In your euphoria over your clean cut, you had totally forgotten the cause for all of this. Momo.

“Hey.”

She said sheepishly, looking at you with her head turned to the floor. When you didn’t say anything, she started shifting from one leg to the other.

“You haven’t answered my text.”

Momo stated, although it was clear that it was more a hidden question, asking for the reason for your changed behavior. But you didn’t owe her anything.

“I know.”

You answered coldly and Momo looked at you with hurt in her eyes, clearly not expecting you to admit that you had been ignoring her. Your heart began to get heavy and you started cursing yourself. How could she still have such an affect on you after everything she did? Why was it still enough for her to give you puppy dog eyes and you could feel your heartrate pick up?

And she could feel your inner conflict. With one of her smirks she took one step forward, starting to fidget with your shirt.

“Is there a way for me to make it up?”

She said in a low voice and you could feel the frustration piling up inside of you again. Annoyed you huffed, storming inside your apartment, leaving a dumbfounded Momo behind that followed you in confusion.

Needing a distraction, you started working in the kitchen again and Momo sat wordlessly behind you on the counter for a while. When you chose to continue ignoring her, she decided to break the silence.

“Are you mad at me?”

She asked silently and you rolled your eyes.

“No why should I be mad at you?”

You spat out and Momo flinched at the harsh tone of your voice.

It was silent for a while, but then you could suddenly feel Momo’s hands on your hips and her hot breath on your neck, making shivers run down your spine.

“Can you please talk to me?”

She asked and you could hear the pleading in her voice.

“Oh cut the crap Momo. Talk? Since when do you want to talk? Don’t you mean: can you please have sex with me, so I feel better about my boyfriend cheating on me, but please don’t get attached, because in the morning I will be gone?”

Momo was completely taken aback by your outburst, but you didn’t care. You shoved her hands off your hips and stormed to your bedroom, loudly slamming the door. Your chest was heaving in anger and you sat on your bed, burying your face in your hands to calm down.

You could see a movement in the corner of your eye and when you looked up, you could see the door to your bedroom opening in slow motion. Hesitantly Momo appeared in the doorframe and you sighted in frustration. She entered the room, not knowing what to do with herself now, awkwardly standing in front of you while hugging herself.

“I’m serious Momo. Whatever this is between us, it’s over.”

You said, the anger in your voice now replaced with exhaustion.

“W-what? Why?”

Momo stuttered, panic reflecting in her face.

“You know why, Momo. You know that you have always meant more to me than I ever did to you. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have chosen your boyfriend over me every time.”

You tried to hide your face, so Momo couldn’t see the tears welling up in your eyes.

She tried to take a step closer to you, but you lifted your hand.

“Please, Momo. Just go.”

Your desperation was evident in your voice and you could see Momo’s inner conflict. She was debating whether she should fulfill your wish and leave or if she should stay.

And you couldn’t tell what you wanted her to do. A part of yourself was still hoping that she would choose you for once. But that hope was crushed when you heard the door of your bedroom closing. When you looked up, the room was empty, and you couldn’t hold back your tears anymore. A loud sob left your throat at the realization that you hadn’t been enough for Momo another time. No matter how much you loved her, she would always leave in the end.

-

While her mind was racing, Momo rushed out of your apartment, leaving her standing in front of your building, not knowing where she should go. She hadn’t expected that you would kick her out of your apartment, but even less she had expected it to hurt so much. Momo couldn’t explain why tears were suddenly gathering in her eyes, threatening to stream down her cheeks any second now.

Why had she been coming back to you all this time?

You were right. The first time, she had slept with you, you had been a way to get back at her boyfriend. She wanted him to taste his own medicine. Of course, they weren’t really together anymore, so technically she had never been cheating, but nevertheless, Momo knew that she shouldn’t have slept with you if the relationship with her boyfriend had been real.

But over time things changed.

After she had found out that her boyfriend had cheated on her another time, she stopped craving revenge, and started craving your comfort instead. She didn’t come for the sex anymore, but for you. You were everything that she had wanted. You listened to her and you knew exactly what you had to say to make her feel better. And you lifted her up despite knowing that she would run back to her boyfriend again.

You were selfless opposing to her. Of course, she knew that you were in love with her. No one could make a person feel so wanted without having deeper feelings for them. Momo never had the intention to hurt you. But she wasn’t selfless enough to let you go. Knowing that she had a shoulder to cry on no matter what, was too seducing to not use it.

Old habits are hard to let go though. She didn’t even love her boyfriend anymore. She had probably never even loved him in the first place. Of course, there was a time when they were on cloud nine together. But those times always end eventually, and all there was left was a dysfunctional relationship with no chance of survival. But it was familiar. Breaking up with him would have meant a new start for her. A start connected with challenges and a lot of figuring out and she didn’t want that.

But was it worth losing you for?

Was it worth losing the habits that she had build with you? Her boyfriend had the habit of letting her down, while you had the habit of building her up. How could she have been so blind?

It had to be true. You only knew what you had when you lost it.

Momo wanted to run back to your apartment. She wanted to take your face into her hands and yell at you that you were wrong. You have meant the same to her like she did to you for a long time now, although she wasn’t able to prove it with actions. She had been a coward and selfish.

But not this time. This time she wouldn’t act only on her own interests. That’s why she didn’t run back to you immediately. There were things that she had to settle first that would prove that she was trying to be a better person now. A person that was worthy of you. So Momo got into her car, driving off to her first stop with determination. Her boyfriend.

-

You hadn’t seen Momo in a week now and although you wanted her out of your life, it didn’t mean that it didn’t hurt. But you were relieved as well. Although Momo and you were never dating, you behaved like you were in a relationship. You didn’t see other people beside her, but those times were over. Finally, you had a chance of meeting someone that could give you the love that you needed.

You suddenly realized that there were other gorgeous people beside Momo. You had been visiting the same coffee shop every morning now for over a year, but you had actually never noticed the cute barista behind the counter that flirted with you. With a bright smile she gave you your coffee and you were about to start chatting with her when her smile suddenly died down and you could feel an arm around your waist.

“Morning.”

When you turned your head, Momo was standing next to you, pressing a kiss on your cheek before glaring at the barista. In complete shock, you only stared at Momo at first, before throwing an apologetic look at the barista and grabbing Momo’s hand harshly to pull her out of the shop.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?”

You yelled and it felt like fire was spitting out your eyes because you were so angry.

Ashamed Momo looked at the floor, mouth opening and closing while being at a loss for words, so you decided to take the word again.

“What about ‘it’s over’ don’t you understand? And even if I still were your fuckbuddy, since when am I not allowed to see other people?”

The words were just falling out your mouth now, fueled by all the frustration that you had bottled up.

“Stop.”

Momo breathed, but your anger blinded you.

“You’re allowed to see your boyfriend, but I have to be faithful? Do you even see how selfish that is?”

Your words only died down when you could suddenly hear a sob escaping Momo’s mouth.

When you really looked at her for the first time today, you could see that her eyes were puffy. Although her hair fell into her face, because her head was hanging low, you could see tears staining her cheeks. You were at a loss for words. Although you meant the words you had said, you didn’t want to hurt Momo. Because after all, hurting Momo hurt you in the end as well.

You lifted your hand, brushing Momo’s hair behind her ear, making her look at you.

“I’m sorry.”

She said barely above a whisper as if she was too weak to talk with you in a firm voice.

You could see the sincerity in her eyes, pulling at your arms instinctively. You laid your hand on the back of her head, softly pulling it against your chest. Her hands instantly found their way around your body, grasping the back of your shirt in desperation. Trying to calm her down you soothingly ran your hand on her back in circles while kissing the side of her head.

“It’s fine. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

Momo abruptly pulled back when she heard your words.

“No! Don’t apologize.”

She exclaimed quickly and you were about to talk back, but she took the word first.

“You have every right to snap at me. You were right that I knew that you had feelings for me. And it was wrong to use you like that. But you were wrong about one thing, Y/N. I love you. I have for a while now.”

Your eyes widened in surprise at Momo’s words and it felt like your heart stopped beating.

“I know it didn’t seem that way, because of my actions. But I was just selfish. I didn’t want to break up because I was so used to that relationship. I didn’t want to give up on my habits. But those times are over. I broke up with my boyfriend and I want to change my actions. I only want to be selfish once more by trying to win you back. But then I want to be the partner you deserve.”

You couldn’t believe the words you had just been hearing. You had wanted to end this chapter. You were ready for a new start, but now after all this time Momo finally wanted you. Old habits can only be overcome by going cold turkey on them. If you gave Momo the chance to win you back, you knew that you would fall back into them.

“Momo, I-I...”

You didn’t know what to say. She had never given you a reason to trust her. Could you risk going back to your toxic relationship again?

“Don’t say anything now, Y/N. It’s fine. I know that I have a lot of making up to do. I have never given you a reason to trust me, but this time I will let my actions speak for me. I will wait for your answer as long as I have to and if you want me to stop trying, just say so and I will leave you alone.”

With that Momo gave you a last smile before turning around and leaving.

You stood there like you were glued to the spot. You were only snapped out of your trance when another person ran into you and a decision slowly  was forming in your head. You would give Momo a chance to prove it, but from a distance. You wouldn’t let her in again, giving her the possibility to mess with your heart. This was a decision you needed to make with your head.

The following weeks Momo stuck to her words. She really let her actions speak louder than her words. Every morning she sent you a text, wishing you a great day and every night, she sent you a text goodnight. Twice a week, flowers were brought to your apartment and sometimes she waited at your coffee shop with your coffee order and a wide grin, before leaving wordlessly, giving you the space that you had wanted.

You actually even started talking again. For the first time, Momo was interested in how you were doing. You texted each other about the important things happening in your life and Momo tried her best to support you when you were stressed about something.

Everything was like how you were imagining it when Momo still had played her games with you. So there was just one more test that you had for Momo.

-

Momo’s phone rang indicating that she had received a text, making her skip happily to her phone, pretty sure that it was a text from you.

Y/N: I want you to stop trying.

The text stated simply and Momo’s heart sank, immediately knowing what it was referring to.

She didn’t expect you to ask her to stop fighting for you. Everything was going great and she actually had the feeling that you started bonding. So where was this coming from?

With teary eyes, she grabbed her phone, pulling up your contact, before suddenly remembering what she had promised you. She had told you that she would leave you alone if you asked her to. Momo let her finger hover over your name, torn about what to do. She wanted to stop being selfish. But was it worth it, if the price would be to leave you?

The voice in the back of her head told her that she deserved it. Who had she tried to fool? She would have never been worthy of you. Angrily she threw her phone next to her, burying her head into her pillow to silence the sobs. For the first time in a while, you weren’t the last and first person she talked to during the day.

She woke up the next morning because someone knocked on her door. Groggily she lifted her head, immediately wincing in pain because her head was pounding from all the crying. She was about to drown in self-pity again, when the knocking appeared a second time and she huffed in annoyance, dragging herself out of her bed.

When she opened the door, she suddenly stood face to face with you. She gasped in surprise but was immediately tackled into a hug by you. Confused she laid her hands on your back, but she didn’t know what this meant.

“Thank you.”

You mumbled into her neck and Momo pressed you back, not understanding what was going on.

“What?”

She asked in confusion while a bright smile was beaming in your face.

“Thank you for letting me go and letting me decide on my own if I want to come back.”

Momo stared at you, needing a while to process your words.

“Does this mean you are coming back to me?”

She asked in disbelief and you nodded your head with a smile. She had passed the test.

With a shaky sight she wrapped her arms around your neck, pulling your body against hers.

Finally, she could hold you with her whole heart and stop running. Finally, she could be only yours. Although she could have stood there with your body in her arms for eternity, she slowly detached her body from yours, looking into your eyes.

“Do you allow me to be your girlfriend?”

Momo asked nervously, not knowing whether you wanted to take it slow instead.

“Only if I can call you mine as well.”

You grinned at her and Momo mirrored your expression.

Hesitantly she rested her hand on your cheek, pulling you closer, when you didn’t flinch. Slowly you closed the distance and Momo closed her eyes when she could feel your soft lips on hers. Although she had kissed you a thousand times before, this time felt different. She could feel warmth spreading inside her body and her heartrate picking up. If she had only a minute left to live, she wanted it to spend it with your lips on hers, moving in perfect synch.

This was definitely a habit she could get used to.

[szopenhauer]

Grossest thing you’ve seen in a bathroom? pee, poop and blood mixed with vomit all over the place Do you consider your family dysfunctional? all families are toxic, more or less Do you hate people who act like everything is fine when its not? I hate those people, they both want you to leave them alone and guess, they’re annoyed with the fact you wanna know as much as you not caring about them, never satisfied, then blame everybody else, how are we supposed to act if we feel you don’t trust us enough to tell the truth? it’s your own fault! we also have problems, not everything’s about you, if you prefer to kill yourself than speak up, that’s your choice but it means you’re a coward, I’m tired of that behavior

Ever had a body piercing ripped out? never had a piercing so I’m lucky not to be bullied this way

Can you sew/croshet/knit? I know basics but I have no patience so it’s not my hobby Do you put the cap back on the toothpaste after using it? of course :o  Have you shot off a firework? never, it’s dangerous, I prefer to look and from afar  Are you offended when you see women breast feeding? no

Do you hate when people keep things from you? if we’re close then sure Can you multitask? I can XD

*działam na dwa fronty, boobs, albo na tyłach* Are you too sensitive? hypersensitive Who wears the pants in the relationship? who wears the socks and cowboy hat tho?

If you were given three things to make you happy, what would these be? health, money and no worries How would you rank the following in importance: family, career, love life? family and love life then career as I’m not interested in it 

Which would you prefer: having a baby without a partner or a partner without a baby? partner without a baby  but tbh it would be better to raise a baby without a partner if I decided to have a kid (I don’t want children though) as there wouldn’t be disagreements on how to nor risk of arguments and then divorce in general which would be super hard for the little one 

Do you think God is real, and why? sigh...

Do you believe in giving people second chances, and why? rarely as it’s like putting your hand into fire hoping it will be cold this time, people usually change for worse - not better Do you think people fall in love because the right person has arrived, or because the time is right (regardless of whom the person is that they fall in love with)? because of other reasons usually as I wouldn’t call their relationships LOVE, they’re just desperate, scared of being lonely How important is trust in a relationship? I don’t think I can trust someone completely but still it’s very important to me to trust them as much as I am capable to - if I can’t trust them at all then it won’t work  How do you feel about infidelity? it makes people feel like they’re not enough and they also get paranoid later, it causes trauma, person who was cheated on will always be afraid to trust another human being in case someone “better” will show up, nobody is perfect but it’s better if you break up than do smth romantic or sexual behind your partner’s back, nobody deserves it, if you can’t be with one person only then either do open relationships or polyamory or just don’t commit to anyone - one night stands or something - infidelity is caused by wanting more and being impulsive, liking adrenaline, risky behavior, you are some sort of an abuser, not just a liar, because you’re hurting someone who’s supposed to be closest to you, intoxication isn’t an excuse, if you can’t keep it in your pants when you’re drunk then don’t drink too much or publicly - simple as that, love is a promise and you’re breaking it for fun, someone said today that it’s like checking if another branch will snap while still holding another - sounds careful but that’s not the point - it’s just that you should sit on it (stability) instead of jumping trees after you already commited to one of them and made a nest on it, you will break all of the branches (other people) and you will end up on the ground anyway - alone, who wants to be with a cheater? honestly - rapist will always stay rapist even if he won’t rape again and so is the cheating person - they might change but fear will always be a part of their partner for sure, dating is like a competition for many, trying until you find the best match, always looking around, never warming up to anyone in case there’s a better opportunity, constant game that make us anxious, showing off you’re the best player among all and... you actually are a player in both of this word’s definitions, sadly What quality in a person do you fall in love with? it’s not a single separate thing but someone whole I believe, I tried to explain that to myself but it’s very hard, there are some traits I might like more, go for, see as necessities but I’m unable to list them for now - maybe later/someday Do you find it difficult to admit that you are wrong, and why? I am - I don’t care about winning, I want truth and justice, I prefer to be right but without admitting I’m wrong that can’t happen Which would you prefer in a romantic partner: a dreamer or an achiever? dreamer, I dislike overly ambitious and workaholic people  What do you think are the two things that prevent people from realizing their dreams? money issues and health problems or time

So the world is dying to know the longest you’ve ever been on an airplane. 0 hours

Speaking of airplanes, can you sleep on them easily or no? no idea

So if I were to touch the place you last itched, would it be awkward? sorta

Have you ever come close to drowning? it was close in my opinion

Is the window in this room currently open or closed? closed

Is your phone fully charged right now? it is indeed

If you gave yourself a symbol (ex: star) to represent you, it would be…? not sure

Combine your two favorite animals. What kind of animal do you get? raccoon + elephant?

If I gave you a box of chocolates, which would you hope to get? I prefer something else than a box of chocolates

Have you ever caught your clothes on fire before? omg luckily not 

Are you any good at improv? been told

Do you have any special handshakes with friends? I don’t have... friends :x

Are you better at writing fiction or nonfiction? I’m good at both but I prefer fiction

How many times does the letter ’t’ occur in your full name? once

Last song you heard? Crystal Castles - Suffocation Reason you last threw up? meds withdrawal How many pairs of flip flops do you own? zero Do you ever pick up pennies for good luck? I pick up all coins that I find and give them to my dad Something you wear all the time that you’d feel naked without? panties

If you have younger siblings, how old were you when your siblings were born? not applicable Would you ever pick up gum from the ground and eat it? hell no Have you ever gotten stitches? nope

Think back to the last thing you drank. Did you drink it using a straw? I didn’t Is the sun shining? it’s almost midnight  Where did you go today? shopping Have you ever taken a survey while under the influence of drugs or alcohol? I don’t drink or take illegal drugs Where will you be in an hour? in my bed Is anyone irritating you? not atm unless I can count myself  Have your parents ever threatened to throw your things away because your room was messy? sorta Is your shirt pink? it’s mostly white Are you going to do more surveys? it’s late and I’m commited to finish this one Who is the most complicated person in your life right now? ... me? Have you ever video chatted with someone you met online? yep Are you hungry or thirsty right now? thirsty Do you own a pair of gumboots? eww, gross Have you ever worked somewhere where you had to clean the toilets? I might  Do you rate people’s attractiveness on a scale of 1-10? rating 1-10 is very hard for me Is there anything that you could cry about right now? shitload of reasons When was the last time you used Facebook? today like every other day Do you have a PO Box or does your mail get sent straight to your house? our house How many vowels are in your street name? 4 Did you share baths with your siblings/cousins when you were a child? I did not Have you ever been a member of an online dating site?  couple Do you know what your neighbours even look like? obvi Do you put ketchup on your fries? yuk

What color was the last swimsuit you wore? uh oh I should check that in my photo album in pics from middle school 

Is your dream job attainable? they ain’t

Have you read a newspaper today? we don’t buy/read newspapers

Do you have to go to school or work tomorrow? I’m done with school and am unemployed

Have you ever been to a drive-in theatre? no

Have you ever taken classes for a musical instrument? guitar

Have you ever been on vacation with someone other than your family? camp

Do you live with your parents? still

Are there any embarrassing school pictures of you anywhere in your house? there are

What moment in your life have you been most scared? constantly now last half year

Do you have any exes you can’t stand anymore? What happened to cause you to feel that way about them? long story

Do you ever make your own surveys, or just take them? I make them but barely ever

Are you more of a phone or a computer person? computer

Do you like to cook, or do you prefer when other people cook for you? prefer them to cook for me 

How old do you think you’ll be when you move out on your own? hope that this will happen soon 

Do you have a job? If so, where do you work? If not, do you want one? I need one

Have you ever ripped your pants in public? even recently 

Have you ever thought someone was talking to you, but it turned out they were on the phone? Did you play it off? possibly

Do you know anybody that has severe allergies? can we not talk about it?...

Who was the last person you slow danced with? my gf

Do you ever ride the city bus? How much does it cost you? often, nothing as I’m disabled

Do you say ‘like’ a lot? used to

Do you scream out the answers while watching game shows on TV? at times I did

Do you ever go into photobooths? yay!

What bill do you hate paying the most? I’d hate paying rent as it’s idiotically high

What’s the best place to eat a romantic dinner? everywhere can be romantic with a right person

What was your first car? none yet

Favorite guilty pleasure? personal

What celeb do you think resembles you best? basing on look? Cole Sprouse or Maisie Williams but with Juno Temple body

Who from high school would you like to run in to? hmm...

Start a new career or relationship? just get a job as I’m taken

Are any of your toes connected? I don’t have webbed toes

What was the last thing you dreamed about? running from the police... w klapkach

What color is your bedroom carpet? no carpet Have you ever had a black and white cat? all black Would you rather have an STD or share a bed with Michael Jackson? life chose for me and honestly this is probably the first time I’m happy about it Do you have any wallpaper in your house? I wish How many pairs of underwear do you own? lots of panties but not enough bras Who was your primary/elemantary school’s most popular girl? E.O. and A.M. Would you like to learn to play the harp? meh Are your feet ticklish? very and I hate that Do you have a black dog? it’s partially black Who has the prettiest toes, that you know of? feet are disgusting  What’s your least favorite season? winter

Do you enjoy walks? sure Can you roll your tongue? I can Would you eat a live spider for one million dollars? gimme Would you forgive someone for cheating? hard to tell Have you seen A Clockwork Orange? not interested Do you like to read? occasionally re you a grumpy person? often Do you like cotton candy? never tried and don’t wanna Rap or pop? pop What’s the weirdest flavor of ice cream you’ve tried? rose, amazing! Love or lust? love Do you remember lyrics easily? am I the only one who don’t? :(

[ruwithmeguys]

This tweet came in response to this

You don't mind if I blabber on about Oliver and his Queen for a bit... do you?

AW THANKS!

I write a LOT of fanfiction. Even when I'm not writing I'm thinking about writing. I haven't even started looking at writing a novel yet BECAUSE Olicity are so freaking vocal in my thoughts right now. The thing I enjoyed about Oliver is that, at the start - at the very beginning when he was a grasshopper, a young man who looked kind of creepy in photos - he's actually a pretty normal guy, for the most part.

Prior to his shipwreck, he's an egotistical, horny, immature, ignorant, naive, manipulative player of a young man. Basically, he's your a-typical jerk who hasn't lived in the world yet or experienced much of anything at all beyond parties and money.

He's also lonely. Desperately lonely.

WHAT? OLLIE QUEEN, WITH HIS MOUNTAIN HIGH NOTCH-POST WAS LONELY? He had a family, Tommy and Laurel. Sara. Raisa. LONELY????

Yup. He was a very lonely boy. And he had zero clue that he was - he just knew there was something wrong with him. A hole inside him, a chasm he didn't know how to fill or close. Even with Tommy, he felt it.

It wasn’t a pleasant hole. It didn’t feel particularly nice. (But I think each of us has it inside if us; each of different strengths and tastes and for many, it transforms into maternal/paternal instincts or passionate drives... for a rare few it becomes something quite different. Oliver is the personification of one of those few).

It was why he didn't give a shit about breaking rules and hearts. Nothing was enough to fill this hole. It's no excuse for doing what he did and he knows that.(Again, it's been a long while since I truly watched prior seasons but I remember that when I did watch, there were a few things that stood out.) But he felt barren of care about it too.

He was a shallow creature. It wasn’t that he didn’t have anything but space between his ears: it was what he did with it (or didn’t do) that made him appear so very shallow. He distanced himself with it, made all the worse by how easy it was to be so empty. By how much he was allowed to get away with: 

his mother loved him unconditionally. She knew he was behaving as a cad, but he was also her beautiful boy and could do no wrong. She didn't care that he played around or that he hurt people; she made those people disappear and he probably reminded her a little of Robert (Moira who lived like a woman who believed this kind of behaviour was the norm in men).

Robert loved him the same way. He advised but he never laid down the law, even when it was sorely needed; but this wasn't because of blind love. It was because of guilt, because of his many wrongs that would one day come back to bite his son.

Thea, who was a secluded section of Oliver's universe: he could do no wrong with her.

Laurel, who loved him blindly.

Sara who loved him because he was a shallow mess.

Tommy who was so similar to him.

They only helped enable his character - it wasn’t their fault, wasn’t even his fault; most don’t know who they are when they turn 20 - however unknowing they were. Moira Queen was the worst of it: she applauded his every move, smiled at his transgressions, taught him that he would be forgiven each time, that he would have refuge. It was almost as if she allowed herself to see the innocence of her husband as opposed to the infidelity, the deceit and the sheer insult of his MANY ill doings. 

And so on...

Oliver didn't fit in. There's a reason why it was so easy for him to behave in such a self destructive way: yes, he hated himself for not being better, being smarter, being cleaner, being more. He thought he was worthless.

Why can't I stick to education?

Why is it so easy for me to lie?

Why don't I love laurel enough not to cheat?

Why is it so terrifying to even try to be a better man?

Why don’t I want things?

Why don’t I care?

Oliver saw it as being too weak, too bad, too cowardly to strive to be better. But he was afraid of trying and finding nothing there, inside him, worth knowing. He was afraid of himself.

Again, he also felt alone.

He lived the kind of life most dream of, but he didn't feel whole. There was something missing and it troubled him because he had everything? What was so wrong with him that he couldn't hack it even when he was handed everything on a literal silver platter?

Why was he so bored already with his life? Why didn't he care the way he should? Why was it when he was with Tommy and his mother and Laurel - why didn't he feel real with them?

Oliver, by 22, hadn't connected with a single soul; not really. Not truly. Not the way he needed. Sex? That's easy. Giving of thy body is so much easier than connecting with a person on an emotional level and revealing to them everything that you are. He understood physical pleasure very well; emotional satisfaction? It was beyond his reach.

Everything that Ollie believed he was back then wasn't worth knowing.

It was easier to:

Play the field

have fun

not think about troubling things

date his friend because it's the natural progression of friendships with females, right?

cheat

lie

fornicate

act like a dumbass for CNN and WEBG because it was entertaining and made him feel like he was relevant 

do absolutely nothing and still receive the kind of unconditional love he knew he didn't deserve

Oh! And let’s not forget-

Go on a pleasure cruise with his girlfriend's sister when said girlfriend starts to talk about moving in together which is the last thing he'd ever want.

Hey! Since I'm a coward, why break the habit of my 22 years when I can just take Sara and let my relationship implode while I'm miles away balls deep in her hotter, more malleable sister who I've been screwing for the past three months behind her back? That way, it'll all be over when I come back and I can just spend the rest of my life avoiding her, feeling a marginal amount of guilt for it.

Golden. Sorted. Nuke planted.

Even Tommy thinks he's a BOSS - dude, screwing both sisters at once?

Even if one's LL?

ESPECIALLY since one's LL. Like no other guy has ever wanted to be in your shoes right now. Sara's HOT. I'm green with envy.

It's the perfect, perfect thing to do. Get out of dodge and let gossip do the hard work. She'll be half over it by the time they return, surely. She's better than he is, emotionally.

She's better altogether.

she's kinder

nicer

smarter

beautiful

a good friend

She's everything he should want but doesn't... he doesn't fit the norm his parents did. 

(the norm where you love and marry but don’t quite love enough not to stray over and over again, creating illegitimate children who will feel the fallout in your staid, but Oliver is clueless about his parents)

He doesn't fit in the world LL was planning for them. He doesn't fit LL. He should want her, but he doesn't. The thrill is over; he dated his 'good girl next door' friend and it wasn't bad... but for some reason, it isn't him. She isn't him. 

He isn't ANYONE. His identity is the jumped up playboy he's pretended to be over the years; pretended because, there's no joy in it for him. He get as many orgasms as he likes: what he enjoys is the deception. The fact that he can sink as low as he likes. The fact because he’s a rich bad boy, he can get away it.

It’s a game.

He loves her but he always had: she was his friend first after all...

Breaking the rules however? That feels very much him. And what a crappy thing to be feel right about. Being the bad guy feels right. There's no hope for him.

But he can pretend. So he does. He goes onto the Gambit and spends three days in bed with Sara Lance.

Then the ship capsizes. He looses Sara. His father. the boat. Any chance at returning home. Despite what happens over the next five years, it confirms things: he didn't loose them because of any bomb. he lost them because of who he is.

A cheater

Selfish

Manipulative

morally repugnant at his core

capable of dark acts

A bad guy

How else could he do and become the things he did and became over five years if, on the inside, there wasn't something inherently wrong with him?

How else could he kill and maim and plot and scheme and defame and destroy and conceal if it wasn't an extension of the badness within? The sinking of the Gambit simply revealed him for what he is. Slade knew that too. That's why Oliver killed him. To keep that secret, a secret.

There's no hope for Oliver Queen.

He doesn't deserve it.

Hasn't earned it.

His destiny is to sink deeper into the black...

But he accepts his father's last wishes because deep down, Oliver BELIEVES. And hopes. And if he does this, maybe he can be forgiven for what he did: for dooming Sara, for going on the Gambit. For being responsible for his father’s death who wouldn't have killed himself if not for Oliver, it's his fault he (and sara) were ship wrecked, it's his fault shadow died, his fault her father died... if he hadn't been selfish none of it would have happened.

If he hadn't been so rotten at the core, he'd have loved ll enough not to run away.

He wouldn't have corrupted sara

his father would have survived on the island and returned home

his mother wouldn't have lost them both

his sister would have a father

tommy would never know just how dark, how evil his best friend is

Quentin wouldn't hate him, wouldn’t become an alcoholic later

Oliver would never know the monster inside himself

The rest of him can't accept that there's any light at the end of the tunnel so his hope, his belief, is crushed inside a tiny box deep within the brittle rock encased around him. Hope is a bigger killer than self-hate.

Hope is a length of rope to hang himself with: it’s infinitely more terrifying than falling into black.

A cognitive dissonance forms; a fissure. A schism. There's half of him that's formed over the years away - something inside him that always existed - that he cannot accept, half himself he denies the light, denies to look upon. He hides it beneath a hood and calls it his mission, his mask.

But then he's back in Starling and-

FEELINGS, EMOTIONS, THOUGHTS, MEMORIES.

Attack. Attack. Attack.

Expectations. Nagging. Watching.

Love, hate, regret, guilt.

Shut it down. And he does... except he doesn't, because he's not a machine. He wishes he was. He wishes he could simply right his fathers wrongs and disappear forever without feeling a thing about it. But he's human. And humans need things because we're selfish and people were born to be with people. We need and grow and thrive with people.

And so does he.

It's difficult to keep his mask on because he's more human - more kind, gentle, loving, compassionate, selfless, hopeful - than anyone else. And yes, it was cultivated by his years away, but what human hasn't been made aware of the ugly truths of themselves in hindsight? It's 20/20 for a reason.

And LL-

Her hatred feels like relief.

He deserves to feel it, he's earned it and it's proof he exists. Proof he was loved. Proof that there’s SOMETHING to be redeemed. Proof that he was 'Ollie Queen'. A man who doesn't put on a hood to shoot arrows into people. He was once a guy who had a girl and treated her badly.

Then LL forgives him and the relief becomes hope.

Then she takes it away and he's back down the darkest hole. That’s fine. Both feel good. Both are toxic.

He doesn’t have to strive this way...

Not that he understands the wrongness of it all: he has no idea. He thinks relationships work this way; he thinks that people are pushed and pulled and hurt and hurt and hurt-  it's like sandpaper over skin. It’s supposed to smart, isn’t it? That means it's real, right? He thought once that love was supposed to be like in the movies, was supposed to be deeper, was supposed to instil great strength in him but he was a fool

There's only LL

Only love he overestimated

only feelings of guilt and regret and shame

care

affection

memories

the past

She hasn't changed at all, except she's.. bitter. Wary. Distrustful. She doesn't smile like she used to, like she was FREE. He did that. He owns it. And she's made him own it, she's thrown at him. It's his fault after all. He should take responsibility. Let her hate him. It's only right. 

He hates himself: pile it on. He KNOWS what hate feels like. Understands hate and anger and pain and grief and misery.

His mission comes first anyway, and it's easy to prioritise because it does FIT him. He feels more himself as the Hood than he does as Oliver. There are no lies there. Just the animal. The creature crafted over five years: Except he isn't all knowing and he needs help.

There's a face he remembers, a face he locked away, one he sees dreams sometimes but never acknowledges because it would mean... something. Keep it simple and clean. It just is what it is. A face... that made it easy to breathe.

...wasn't she an IT girl?

Maybe he should see someone else...

Except he's already looked her up because, again, her face stuck with him. A sweet face. A face he could manipulate if needed, right? That's the reason.

It wouldn't be a hardship to charm the information out of her. To flirt and play. Maybe he could date her. Sleep with her if he had to, he could.

Would.

So he walks into her office, willing to go any lengths and only a tad curious about whether his memory is as good at it seems and-

...oh.

Oh hello heart, it's been a while.

Suddenly he's very aware of every breath he's taking, of every thump in his chest. Of the way his lips are curving-

HE'S AWARE.

He's present in a room with a woman who's red lips, who quick wit, who's knowing and pretty blue eyes could keep him awake at night if he let them.

She's... funny. Without trying to be. And it’s genuine rather than forcing on a smile and laughing because he's supposed to. She's quick. Intuitive. Scarily perceptive and his plan to manipulate, coerce and excrete charm goes out of the window.

He's the one charmed. But he's got a job to do so he starts the lie and-

Of course she sees right through it. It was deliberately pathetic for a reason, part of the charm. Part of the manipulation. But it's not a flirtation: he just looks at her and stupidly says the words and he doesn't sound like an idiot. He sounds like he's testing her instead and-

She. Sees. Right. through. His. Bullshit.

He hoped she would, but not like this. I see your lie, but it's fine. I'll help you. You look like you need help.

He drops the fake. And. He. doesn't. care. at. all.

Doesn't even try to fight it.

Trusts it immediately.

Sits down behind her and watches her work... calculates. Plans-

No. He can't have it- it's wrong and indulgent and like sunlight in the dank, darkness of lian yu. He doesn't deserve it. Hasn't earned it-

Though he liked it. Wanted more.

He'd kill her.

Stay away.

And he does... for a while... until he doesn't, can't because INFORMATION.

Convenient.

Would it be so bad to have something, someone in his life that can shine a light? That can make him smile just once before he dies. Wrap her in bubble wrap. Keep her safe. From me. And then he can bring her in, at a respectable distance. One of the world's treasures kept safe by him.

He's no knight but it would be an honour.

He couldn't let her go alone and unsafe in the world NOW. Not now. Not after meeting her. Not after seeing the way her fingers twitch and twirl as her mouth curves around's words that make his mind whirl, that make his world tilt in very nice ways. Something about her lingered with him, always. A marginal comfort. Bringing colour into the dark.

He can look at colour.

He can look at light.

Maybe he'd be brave enough to touch it too. Maybe. one day. If he doesn't die, Which he knows he will so... there’s nothing to fear.

And ONLY if LL can forgive him because-

Because Felicity is so far beyond any of them: better, brighter, purer, kinder, and so much smarter than LL, than anyone... if LL can't have faith in him again, how could anyone as incredible as Felicity Smoak do the same-

Yet she does.

She saves his life, trusting his word when he's given her no reason to. I mean, what can he even do with that? That doesn't compute, he doesn't understand it. But he knew it was true without even giving it voice because he feels the same and how strange that is.

He's so damn thankful for it.

She's... willing.

She saved him. She didn't have to, but she did as he asked.

She knew... she knew he was liar, a killer and she still helped him.

She wants to be in his orbit - actually wants to be near a monster like him

She said only until they found Walter but she stayed...

She remained.

He can keep her.

Like his own personal sun, down in the dark basement. He doesn't deserve it, hasn't earned it... but she seems to think he has. If Felicity Smoak believes he's earned it, then who's he to deny or argue that point? Maybe there's hope yet.

She's good. Right.

She's everything he isn't: there’s a list, he likes it

She's never wrong

Even when she is, she isn't, I can attest to that

She trusts him for some reason

it's terrifyingly easy to trust her back

she slots in like a missing piece

she wants to help people, save people... more than he does.

She's patient with his many weaknesses and issues

he didn't need to explain why he killed people, why 'the violence'; she immediately compartmentalised

she doesn't make him feel like less for his violence, for the holes in his rotten soul

she's harmless

she's the most dangerous person to him, given her vocation... but it doesn't seem to matter

she's so smart, he's in awe of every word out of her mouth

when he isn't in awe, he's tickled

or bashful

or pleased

or puzzled

or grateful

...never guilty

she talks circles around them all and he never tells her how much he enjoys hearing her every word, even as she's flustered

especially when she's flustered

He can keep her close without her being close at all; a source of nourishment from some place far away- and she is.

Far away.

And he seems to start getting his ducks in a row.

Felicity encourages him to help people instead of just targeting names in a book and it feels good. Is this allowed? He's bonding with Thea. his mother FINALLY sees that placing expectations on him won't bring back the child she lost. And maybe... maybe he's not SO bad… after all...

Maybe he can heal the past by being everything he wasn't:

The good son

The admirable brother

the loyal best friend

the reluctant hero

the trustworthy boyfriend

But he's tired. And he hurts and when he's not trying to connect with someone-

Helena, McKenna

-he just WANTS TO BE FORGIVEN FOR SOMETHING. Even if he doesn't deserve it.

And abruptly she's right there: offering. LL. It's easy. Like wish fulfilment. And Tommy isn't biting. He's pushing them away, even when Oliver tries to get him to see the light because there's only so much Oliver can take of all these opportunities to lighten the load in his chest, on his shoulders and in his head.

He can make it work. He can be the Ollie he never was. The man they all miss. He can fix the past: he doesn't have to continue be the man who killed his father, who killed Sara and Shado.

He can be the Ollie who never went on the Gambit.

And so... when LL's feelings change, it feels like forgiveness. Like relief. He can try again.

She responds exactly how he knew she would because, deep down? He can read LL like a book. He can read her because she's easy to read: she loves him. He can see it clearly and just because he doesn't love her the way the storybooks tell you you're supposed to, doesn't mean he can't go back-

Except it's too easy to leave her in bed. Alone. To avoid her calls because- busy.

She may not come first now but once the Undertaking is over he can hide that part of himself and pretend it never existed. He can live, solely, for repentance and it doesn't sound so bad. Living a life making up for his sins. For everyone's sins because, why not? Maybe he'll go to heaven that way. The lies he speaks feel like the truth: LL has always known him... even though she never knew him. It's still true because he will make it true.

He will BECOME the man she fell in love with. The lie. He'll do it, even if he has to act the part for the rest of his life.

It's the only way to forgiveness.

But first, they have a catastrophe to stop and he's never been able to stop one before. Maybe now is the time, but if he dies? Everyone will be fine. They'll-

If you're not leaving, I'm not leaving.

...oh

‘Hello heart; that's the second time I've felt you beat: twice in one year.’

Her words sound an awful lot like... like he'll never be alone as long as she lives.

Well then.

Well...

That's...

No one has ever promised him that. It wasn't even a promise: it was a statement of fact.

I guess... that means she's never allowed to die.

That's a fact too, because he doesn't want to be alone ever again. With the void in him. The part of him that nothing and no one has ever filled, saved those beautiful words just now. Words he didn't think he'd ever hear. Even if she isn't close, as long as she breathes then so shall he.

It's stunning. A literal voice in his ear and a metaphorical one in his head. He'll never be alone again. Can he trust that? It soothes the black in him, quietens the doubt like nothing else has. He takes it with him, holds onto hope-

Casts it aside when everything falls, fails. He failed. He didn't save the city. He made one man the enemy instead of clearing the underground tunnels. He didn't save Tommy. 

He can't save anyone.

He's no hero.

And there's no more going back because, how can he without Tommy? With that high a price for trying to do the impossible. LL wasn't the cornerstone there, it was best friend. And she suffered for his selfish attempt too, like she always has. She was always better than him.

He so sorry that he can't love her the way she deserves. He can't tell her that he never did. Ignorance is bliss.

There's just... something wrong with him. He was never meant to exist with people. He should have died on the island.

Trying to rebirth the past is meaningless now. He can't do or change anything. There's no point in staying.

He leaves.

But he makes sure to dump a nice helping of cash into Felicity and Dig's accounts: that's all he’s good for. Maybe it will make them just a little happy. They're better off without him there, because he's a disease. He can only hurt people or run away.

He runs away. He’s good at that too.

Five months alone bring him a small amount of peace: sometimes worldly things get in the way. But he can't stop thinking about Tommy...

Then THEY are there. They came to his personal hell on earth, willingly. No one else would, he knows that. And he’s exasperated, frustrated but it's so good to see them-

Feel them.

She's warm. And beautiful. And she's asking him to come BACK-

But he can't because everything he touches turns to ashes.

Except she needs his help and so do thousands more. His family's legacy is crumbling before him and he has to take responsibility.

It's almost too easy to listen, even as he hates that he has to return because-

FEELINGS. EMOTIONS. MEMORIES. ATTACKING HIM.

Even as he wants to because loneliness is a slow killer too and he'd rather die fast, die standing. Die with people.

...he keeps looking at her. Can't help it-

She draws the eye.

His eye.

And she's saying things that hit him every single time in ways he doesn't know how to face.

She SEES him.

It's like she's decided she's done watching him. She's stepping up. She's SHOWING him the way.

He's in love with that. He needed her years ago. He doesn't deserve it... but she's reaching out and offering her hand. He's almost too scared to touch it, but he does.

Now he's hanging onto her every word, only realising ten seconds in that they've been looking at each other ten seconds too long-

He's relying on her so much more than before. Needs her. For everything:

Queen Consolidated

his mother's trial

she-

-made him a bow.

HER bow. her touch. her ideal. HER.

It doesn't feel drenched in darkness: it's heavier. There's a weight to it now that she's asking him to bear but it settles well in his chest and finally he can breathe a little. She's everywhere; the foundry has touches of her- his life is suddenly filled with her and he doesn't mind. It doesn't scare him.

The idea of her ever leaving does scare him, even as she promised she never would if he didn't.

So he won't.

They're a team. It always worked with John but she's become the heart: it doesn't beat or flow without her and he doesn't question or care how it happened.

The mission changes: it has to. Tommy was the sacrifice for his judgement before. That can't happen again.

Felicity can't be the sacrifice... and he doesn't know why she's first in his thoughts there. 

There's Starling, the Glades and the family company. Isabel.

He's a natural at thwarting women who want to spar with him: it's all an act. Sleep with her, keep her quiet. Make her see there's no difference in them really. They're both crappy people trying to save a dying company-

Felicity’s there...

He's had sex before, with other women before; why does this feel worse?

Why does it feel like shame?

And she's a good person; she'd never use sex as a weapon, never use her body so shallowly. Any man who'd want her to isn't worth her time.

I'm not worth her time.

So when she asks and he's glad of it because her silence was deafening, disquieting - he could tell she'd been waiting to ask and he-

looks

her

in

the

eye

…….oh

THAT’S what he’s been feeling.

It's intense, the way his heart jumps at her. The way the truth settles down on him as the words he speaks become a different kind of truth. He can sleep around with women like Isabel because they mean nothing.

Not her.

Not FELICITY SMOAK-

because he doesn't stay longer in the foundry because he likes it down there; that's where SHE is. She made it her home too. Where the clacking of fingers on a keyboard becomes preferable to the silence, like therapy. He doesn't look forward to a work day because he loves his job: he hates his job, but he likes spending the day with her.

He’s taking advantage of her. 

She asked him to try a better way and he has, because it wasn't just about honouring Tommy. It was about working towards the light with her, his guide.

And he realises he's been falling for a while.

But he can't let himself land so he lets her leave-

You deserve better than her.

There's better and then there's Felicity and her words, her voice that beckons and stuns him and- FUCK.

This wasn’t supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to feel this way. He'd liked her from day one, had been attracted to her intelligence, her wit, her compassion and her short skirts. Her GLASSES. Her lipsticks and nail varnishes.

Her smile.

But that was all...

The Count seals the deal. He gets it. He won't kill but he'd gladly kill for her. He'd break rules for her without feeling guilt, and he doesn't feel guilt- None.

But she's affected and sorry and he can't let her feel that way so her lets her see just a little of what's inside him.

You come first

you're important

to the city

but mostly to me

you're never thanked but I couldn't do this without you

there's no choice to make when it comes to you

And that’s why nothing can ever happen. 

But Barry creates an ugly furl in him, something he's never felt. Is it... jealousy? For a kid half his size and triple his intelligence? Yes.

But like a lot of things, Barry makes Oliver see: these thoughts he's been having? They can’t happen. They need to be shut down before it spirals out of control. Put her first.

Sara helps there.

It's part distraction, part comfort, all a shield to feelings that twist turn him inside out in the best ways.

Sara who can take care of herself so he doesn't have to

Sara who's beautiful

Sara who he might be able to be himself with

Sara who was exactly like him

Except they argue about everything and her darkness worries him. Their methods clash, their ideas clash... and before long it starts to feel like he’s trying to fix the past again but he can’t help it. The pull is relentless. He still wants more than anything to go back and make up for what he did.

The monster that he is-

Except Felicity called him a hero. Her words are gold. Everyone in the world could stand against him... but she thinks he’s a hero.

But he’s with Sara and Sara needs help, needs to be shown the way. Felicity and Diggle - they taught him that killing shouldn’t be a first port of call. There’s always ANOTHER WAY.

But Sara CAN’T. And if she can’t then how can he?

Yet she isn’t wrong: they don’t bring out the best in each other... they don’t bring out ANYTHING. She’s worried about touching him with her darkness? She needn't: she never touched his heart, not really.

His heart is in a lock-box, along with his hope. Which is good because-

S.L.A.D.E

-who knows that deep down, Oliver is as dark as they come. He's not a hero. he's a traitorous coward who deserves for history to repeat itself and it does in the worst way. 

Because I’m a disease. 

Slade, who is a product of Oliver's making. Slade who shows him to the world for who he really is.

Even when Felicity disputes this, he knows it's true.

It would be easy... so easy to sink into her. To take her into himself, breathe deep, devour her whole until he’s surrounded and filled with nothing but her. Her eyes are offering it. 

He isn’t worthy.

I can’t.

And he wants to sink away and die, wants to allow his sins to destroy him and maybe that would take away all the problems- But Sebastian is involved and a danger to the city. LL is involved. Her father. His friends.

He has to be strong. He has to stop Slade the way he should have done the first time. He has to stop him, not kill him; but it feels impossible. He's only one man, a failure of a man...

And of course… of COURSE... she's there and she tells him the truth; what he needs to hear. And when she holds him, when he realises his partner is with him 100% through thick and thin he's finally able to acknowledge why he's holding her back. Why she gives him strength. Why her opinion matters the most. Why he dreams about her. Why, when she’s near, he’s stronger.

whoever you love the most.

The ruse is easy because it's real.

He can tell her without telling her and it feels so easy, so good, so natural.

He's in love with Felicity Smoak, not Sara. Not Laurel. Felicity. She could never love him back as he is, but he can hope with that look in her eyes.

And she's stronger than them anyway; she's the one who stops Slade. 

After everything lost, it feels like salvation. 

-

I’ll continue this, but it’s already so LOOOONG!

In case you’re wondering who the crazy person babbling about Olicity is, please see my:

TWITTER

AO3

KO-FI

[williamsalexz]

Just when I thought you couldn’t slap me in the face again, here you go another slap. The definition of a coward is “a person who lacks the courage to endure unpleasant things”… you are the definition of that. It must be hard to comprehend all the awful things you’ve done to me, but this one it’s a huge slap. You vowed your life to someone and then chose to leave that person to figure out how to vow their life to themselves to figure out how to do life alone and you can’t even have the slightest bit of dignity to admit that you’re still married because you want to bring your girlfriend home. Instead you keep running away, you instead allow people to think that our divorce is finalized. PSA: We are not legally divorced, I’ve never even received divorce papers. Imagine being her, lol girl if it was me in your situation I would run. But, I guess they say its hard to see when red flags can feel like butterflies. Do you even have empathy for me? A woman to another woman? You know you two truly deserve each other. That day you see those red flags and realize the person he has become, I’ll pray for you. I hope you realize that little pieces of our love story are gonna come out. You get mad when I post? You don’t get to destroy someone and then tell them how to put the pieces back together. You can be selfish, manipulative, a cheater whatever your heart desires but you won’t keep my mouth shut any longer. So go ahead tell everyone you’re divorced, tell everyone that I wanted to watch Grey’s Anatomy all the time, tell everyone that we weren’t happy, tell everyone how you tried to fix our relationship alone, tell everyone how you were talking about a naked picture exchanged by you and a co-worker, tell everyone how you never would come home for dinner, or how you never would do anything nice for me, tell everyone how you barley give me any money, tell everyone how I left when you told me you wanted to live as roommates, tell everyone you deserved better. Tell them… Because what goes around, comes all the way back around. xo

[rayofsunas]

BTS relationships as BP songs — BTS

A/N: I saw this somewhere in my tumblr requests, and don't remember the username/couldn't find it when I looked. It was from a really long time ago, I think from May? Sorry, I'd written down the request in my notes and let it pile up. The request was BTS' relationships with a fem! S/o as BLACKPINK songs. I chose a few songs that were mostly my favorite since whoever requested didn't give me a specific song list to go off of. Also, since this request wasn't really into depth, I decided to just make a random plot of the S/O and members relationships. It's bulleted even though I hate doing that and some of the members imagines are shorter than others, sorry about that also.

Pairings: Kim Namjoon x Fem! Reader, Kim Seokjin x Fem! Reader, Min Yoongi x Fem! Reader, Jung Hoseok x Fem! Reader, Park Jimin x Fem! Reader, Kim Taehyung x Fem! Reader, Jeon Jungkook x Fem! Reader

Summary: BLACKPINK songs as BTS relationships with their female S/O

Warnings: swearing, judgement, angst, fluff

Words: 1,425

NAMJOON (RM) — Kiss And Make Up

"And I'm tired of talking."

• Despite being similar, at times you couldn't help but realize you and Namjoon were polar opposite in some aspects of your relationship

• It wasn't that you valued different things, more so that you saw the world differently

• which wasn't always a bad thing. because uniqueness was always good

• but it seemed these days arguments lasted much longer and became even more intense over the tiniest of things

• at times you didn't want to talk, because talking half the time resulted in arguing

• you'd usually share kisses, no talking involved and then by the end of it all, everything was as if it had never happened

SEOKJIN (JIN) — Forever Young

"You light a fire in my heart."

• He was older than you and your friends always reminded you of that

• there wasn't a huge age gap. nothing over ten years. but still, your friends found it odd that you'd chose someone not close to your age

• Jin wasn't embarrassed. and actually preferred your age rather than someone closer to his age or older

• you were still a baby in his eyes, which was good on your end as well because you liked affection and got to be babied/spoiled

• if worked out well

• since you were younger, you made him feel more confident in everyday things in life

• like trying new foods. going to events/concerts he never would've, changing his style up a bit and wearing clothes that he thought would've never looked good together on him

• Jin was pretty confident in your eyes, but really he'd of never done certain things if not for you

• and you always felt like he'd protect you no matter what the situation was

• he also felt obligated to protect you and keep you close since you were younger

• Jin knew you weren't dumb or naive, and that honestly surprised him at first

• you were smart, but just liked to be babied for some odd reason

• like I said though, it didn't bother Jin because he was more than happy to baby you

YOONGI (SUGA) — Really

"If you really really love me."

• behind closed doors he showed you so much affection

• some might even not believe you if you told them how much affection Yoongi was capable of giving to someone he loved

• but he wouldn't come out with your relationship, not even when he was given the choice to do so from his managers and company

• you could understand why. he wanted privacy, since he no longer had much of it, and feeling like his relationship had no privacy would be a jab to the heart

• but at times, you couldn't help but feel like he was maybe embarrassed or disappointed of you

• truth was though, he wasn't embarrassed to show you to the world. in fact, he'd be honored and proud to do so

• but a few things stopping him was that privacy would be an issue, on both ends

• after BTS blew up, he knew how crazy some of the fans could get

• most of the time, the fans were super supportive of idols dating

• but other times, they couldn't be so nice, and rather icy cold

• to say the least he didn't want you to become targeted/attacked verbally or psychically

• you often complained and wondered if he really loved you, doubting the love he claimed to have for you

• because if he wasn't ashamed of you, he would've told the world already

• he agreed, although he always said he really did love you , even if you didn't necessarily

• you believed him. because you know he was being truthful, he wasn't a liar

• you just hoped he'd tell the world and not keep you in the dark forever

HOSEOK (J-HOPE) — Don't Know What To Do

"I don't know what to do without you."

• Hoseok was the lightness shining through your dark days

• no matter what, he could always cheer you up

• and if he couldn't, he'd find a way to do so and wouldn't ever stop

• one of his goals in life was to make you happy

• god forbid if someone stopped him from doing so

• he'd probably become so cruel,

• he'd show a side to him that many thought wasn't possible of happening

• but when things became hard you could count on the goofy kindhearted man to always be there for you

• you never pictured him leaving you or you leaving him. because you both needed each other

• hoseok made you feel happy, gave you so much love

• and you made him feel like he was more than just a good laugh. like he wasn't just the goofy man everyone had always known him for

• you really did love him, and your goal was to make sure he knew that

• if you'd lost each other somehow, you didn't know what you'd ever do

JIMIN — Stay

"I just want you to stay."

• touring, traveling, studio time, and long hours were all part of being an idol

• especially an idol part of the biggest boy band to date

• all you wanted was to spend time with him, but that was becoming harder to come by these days

• it's not that he didn't want to spend time with you, because god knew how much he did

• but his schedule was always full

• at times, he wondered if he should really stay with you

• because what's the sense of dating if you're never around each other/barely see each other

• he wanted to be able to give you a better/happy life, and by being absent, he wasn't going to accomplish much

• after he addressed you with the issue, you'd reassured him that you'd stay with him, despite the hardships

• you didn't want Jimin to leave either, because you loved him and he loved you just as much

• at the end of the day, you just wanted to stay with one another

TAEHYUNG (V) — Kill This Love

"Let's kill this love."

• you'd come out of relationship with a cheater last year

• and you thought moving on with someone would make things much easier to handle

• which is where Taehyung came in

• at first he was sorta a rebound. but then you began realizing you were pretty selfish to act that way towards someone who only wanted to love you

• you'd been dating Tae for ten months when you started feeling a bit lost. you started missing your ex, and couldn't really pinpoint why, especially since you'd been so heartbroken over the infidelity

• Tae was better in many more ways, one being he hadn't cheated on you or done anything remotely close to it

• you still had feelings for your ex, despite his scandal

• You'd go through a mental struggle of trying to realize that what you had in front of you was beyond perfection

• you needed to kill the old love you still held in your heart for your cheating ex

JUNGKOOK — Kick It

"I'll break ya break ya heart."

• Jungkook always saw you as some delicate little flower

• someone who didn't deserve/couldn't be broken no matter what

• but you were tougher than he realized, you'd gone through things most hadn't even experienced, and were capable of breaking his heart if things became too hard

• if loving Jungkook became too complicated, you could bounce at any given moment

• because that's what you were good at. running off like a coward

• you were afraid of loving someone wholeheartedly and then receiving nothing in return

• surely breaking the young boys heart would make him stay away, or so you thought

• Jungkook had a stubborn side to him

• and he'd fight back if what he was fighting for was extremely important to him

• that something happened to be you

[oh-ranpo]

Betrayal

Pairing: Roger Taylor x Reader

AN: This was a fun request to write because all the fics seem to be about Roger being the cheater, and it was nice to flip the script. Don’t hate me for the ending! Let me know what you think 😊

down for some angst? can I get a fic where Roger finds out that the Reader cheated on him w Brian? some drunken mistake, ig. thanks so much!

Warnings: Mentions of being sick and angst.

Permanent tags: @aylinnmaslow

When you woke up and you weren’t in your own bed, you knew that something was wrong. Your head was pounding, and when you tried to remember how you had ended up here, your memory came up blank. You could remember that you had been at one of Freddie’s parties, but after the first hour, you had no recollection whatsoever.

At first, you hoped that you had just gone home with Roger. It wasn’t out of the ordinary for the two of you decide to go to his place, even though it was always easier to go to yours. However, when you glanced around the bedroom, you knew that you weren’t at his place either. The posters on the wall weren’t ones that you recognized, and you could feel your stomach churn.

You were startled by a groan from next to you, and you felt your heart accelerate in your chest. You closed your eyes tightly and prayed that when you looked over you would see Roger, but you just didn’t seem to be that lucky. The first thing you saw was a head of black curls and the nausea from the alcohol as well as the realization of who it was that was lying next to you caused you to bolt out of the bed and into the connecting bathroom. Even after you expelled all the contents of your stomach, you still didn’t feel better. You could feel tears pricking the back of your eyes as you started putting the pieces together.

Flashes of the night before went through your head. Roger had been with you at the beginning of the night, but he had disappeared at some point. You couldn’t find him, but you found Brian and Deaky playing a drinking game. They had invited you to join them, and since you were not having any luck in finding your boyfriend, you accepted. You remembered drinking… a lot. Then you remember a small game of Truth or Dare ensuing, which you had thought was strange for a bunch of grown adults to be playing. After that, things went blank again.

You couldn’t remember if you ever found Roger, or what he had been doing while you were with Brian and John. You didn’t remember leaving with Brian, but at some point, you must have. The fact that you were sitting in his bathroom in only your bra and underwear spoke volumes on what had happened. You still just couldn’t believe it. You loved Roger. Why would you have done something like this?

You had started to cry when you heard a soft knock on the door. You quickly brushed your hands across your eyes and blew your nose on a piece of toilet paper before standing up to answer it. You opened it to see Brian’s concerned expression, and you felt terribly exposed in your lack of clothes.

“Are you alright?” He asked quietly. You could see the regret and sadness in his eyes that you knew he could see in yours as well. There had never been a time where you thought Brian might have feelings for you, and you knew that you didn’t have any outside feelings for him. You had always been Roger’s girl. That’s how it was. Until now.

“I don’t think so.” You murmured in response. Brian nodded, as if thinking exactly what you were thinking, and then lifted his arms to hand you your clothes that he had picked up off of the floor.

“I figured you might want these.” There was a sad smile on his lips as you took the shirt and pants from him. You gave him a small thanks and then closed the door. You quickly got dressed and tried to come up with what you were going to say to Roger. He had always been the one that people warned about when it came to cheating, but he had been nothing but loyal. Now, you were the bad guy.

After straightening your clothes, you opened the door and stepped back into Brian’s bedroom. He was now completely dressed and sitting on the edge of his bed with his head in his hands. He looked up at you as you entered the room, devastation still written across his face.

“Did you want to go and talk to him together?” He asked quietly.

You thought about it for a moment, but then shook your head. You knew how Roger could be, and you knew that he was going to be the most furious with the first person who came to him with the news. You didn’t want him to be upset with Brian- they were in a band together. If you had to, you would take all the blame.

“I’ll tell him. It should come from me.” You didn’t sound so sure, but you knew that was the way that it had to be. You would never forgive yourself if your drunken mistake tore apart one of the greatest rock bands in the world.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded again, and found your purse sitting on the floor next to the door. There was a lump in your throat now that took away your ability to speak. You could already see the hurt in Roger’s eyes and knowing that you were the one to cause it tore you apart. You left Brian’s room without another word and made your way outside. Brian’s flat wasn’t far from Roger’s and you figured that you might as well head there first.

Once you arrived at Roger’s door, you found it hard to lift your hand to knock. You knew that you were about to walk into the end of yours and Roger’s relationship. He would be angry, and he would rightfully break up with you. You wouldn’t blame him. You could barely stand yourself at the moment as well. Finally, you worked up the nerve to produce two short knocks, and a few seconds later, you were face to face with the familiar blond.

At first there was a bright smile on his lips at the sight of you, but then his eyes trailed down to your outfit and he immediately frowned. He could see the dark circles under your eyes, and you knew that he noticed your bloodshot eyes.

“YN? What’s going on?”

More tears immediately sprung to your eyes, and you couldn’t stop them as they started to slip down your cheek. You couldn’t believe that you were here to give him such bad news. You had never imagined that this would happen. He stepped aside so that you could come inside, and as soon as he closed the door behind you, he reached out to pull you into a hug. He was confused. He had never seen you break down so quickly before.

Before he could pull you into his chest, you pushed his hands away. You didn’t deserve to be touched by him ever again. The frown on his face only intensified.

“Seriously, YN. You’re scaring me.”

A sob tore through your chest as you collapsed onto one of his dining room chairs. You couldn’t even form the words. You had spent over a year of your life with Roger, and you had thrown it all away in one drunken mistake.

“R-Roger. I-I-I am s-so sorry.” You sobbed, your head now cradled in your hands. You knew you were a coward for not looking him in the eyes, but you didn’t want to see the betrayal on his face at your next words. “I slept with Brian.”

The air seemed to be sucked out of the room, and Roger went deadly silent. Finally, after several minutes without a response, you looked up from your hands and saw Roger had gone completely pale. He was glaring at you, his hands un-moving at his sides.

“You did what?” His voice was quiet, yet hard. His hands were starting to shake, and you found that now that you had looked at him, you couldn’t look away.

“I’m really sorry, Roger. I don’t know how it happened.”

Roger’s hand came up to press against his mouth, and then he turned away from you. It almost seemed worse now that he wasn’t looking at you.

“So, this is what that feels like.” He mumbled, mostly to himself, and you could see how tense his shoulders were as you watched him. He started to pace, mumbling little things to himself that you couldn’t make out. You felt like you couldn’t breathe and the longer he went without speaking to you, the more knots that formed in your stomach. Finally, he spun back around to face you, his expression now emotionless.

“I think you should leave.”

You had expected to hear him say that, but a part of you had hoped that maybe he would forgive you. There was a tiny little part of you that wanted him to, even though you knew that you didn’t deserve him. However, his words were strong and you knew his decision was final. He didn’t have to say it to know that you were over. You sniffled as another tear slid down your cheek and you stood to move towards the door.

“Don’t blame Brian. It was all my fault. I really do love you, Roger and I am so sorry.”

You didn’t turn to face Roger as you spoke, but you wanted him to hear it before you left. When he didn’t respond, you knew the conversation was over. Your heart was broken, but you couldn’t imagine how Roger was feeling. You had been cheated on in the past and you had never wanted to be the one to cause that kind of pain. You could only hope that over time, he would eventually forgive you.