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bluekittyworld · 6 months

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Still with YOU.

Hi! I have had this idea for a while, I am just trying to put into words for this fanfic.

Pairing: Devil Jimin x Human (f) Reader

Warning: 18+ (some chapters include smut and death)

Genre: Angst, Yandere, Smut (Fluff if you squint your eyes)

Please any feedback will be appreciated! Your words and likes motivate me to write more :)

Also please don't copy, or post/translate my work on other platforms, thank you.

Happy reading, and PLEASE give me feedback, tysm <3

Approx. 6 chapters, 14k words

Summary: Growing up, you didn't embrace religion as fervently as your grandmother did, but her deep faith often led her to take you to Sunday prayers. The Church is where you met a Priest named Jimin, you couldn't shake the strange attraction you felt towards him, a magnetic pull that seemed to defy reason.

Jimin takes you through each sin, corrupting your soul, in the end do you ultimately end up in hell?

Masterlist

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6 [End]

At the tender age of four, you had an imaginary friend like many other children do. He was a comforting presence, older and wiser, and you cherished the time spent playing together in the backyard treehouse that had stood for years before your family moved in.

But as you grew older, the visits to the treehouse became less frequent, overshadowed by the weight of tragedy and loss. The untimely passing of your parents in a tragic car accident cast a pall over your once vibrant world, stealing away the joy and innocence you once knew.

In the wake of such devastating loss, even the simple pleasures of childhood seemed to lose their lustre, leaving you adrift in a sea of grief and sorrow. The treehouse, once a sanctuary of imagination and play, stood silent and forgotten, a poignant reminder of happier times now lost to the past.

You moved into a cottage where your grandmother lived after the incident, you were just 9 years old. The cottage was situated in a small village just a couple of minutes away from the church.

Growing up, you didn't embrace religion as fervently as your grandmother did, but her deep faith often led her to take you to Sunday prayers. Despite not having many friends your age in the countryside, where mostly retired individuals resided, you found solace in the companionship of your grandmother's friends.

Over the years, you formed close bonds with them, cherishing the warmth and love they showered upon you. Their affection filled a void in your life, offering a sense of belonging and acceptance that you had yearned for. Yet, amidst the love and care they provided, you couldn't shake the lingering feeling of longing, a desire for deeper connections and a sense of purpose that seemed to elude you, maybe because your parents left you so early?

As adulthood beckoned, you made the conscious choice to pursue your studies through online lectures, opting to remain close to your grandmother rather than venture onto a distant campus. Some might have labelled you as immature for your decision, but you knew that your grandmother was your only family, and her time with you was precious and limited.

The thought of leaving her side, even for the pursuit of higher education, filled you with a sense of dread and guilt. You couldn't bear the idea of being apart from her, especially knowing that her time on this earth was drawing to a close. In your heart, you knew that being by her side during her final days was the most important thing, and you were willing to sacrifice other opportunities to ensure that she was not alone.

As your grandmother's health declined, it became increasingly difficult for her to visit the church on her own. Recognizing the importance of her faith in her life, you took it upon yourself to accompany her to Sunday prayers each week.

With the arrival of a new young priest at the church, you couldn't help but notice a sudden surge in the number of elderly ladies attending the services. It amused you how the presence of a handsome man seemed to reignite their religious fervour.

Shaking your head in amusement, you guided your grandmother to her favourite spot in the front row, ensuring she was comfortable before taking a seat beside her. Despite the comical circumstances, you couldn't help but feel a sense of gratitude for the community of faith that had become a source of comfort and solace for your grandmother.

“I am Jimin, and I will be reading the passage from the Bible today” the young priest introduced himself and a sense of familiarity washed over you. His smile, warm and genuine, seemed to pierce through the crowd, locking onto your gaze with an intensity that made you slightly uncomfortable.

Despite your unease, there was something about him that tugged at the edges of your memory, a nagging sense of recognition that you couldn't quite place. How could you feel like you knew him when you had never met him before?

As Jimin began to read from the Bible, his voice resonating through the hallowed space of the church, you couldn't shake the feeling of being drawn to him, as if there were some invisible thread connecting the two of you across time and space. It was a mystery that lingered in the recesses of your mind, waiting to be unravelled.

Lost in a trance-like state, you found yourself more captivated by Jimin's physical presence than the words he spoke. His flawless, almost golden complexion seemed to glow in the soft light of the church, accentuated by the pitch-black cascade of hair that framed his strikingly dark eyes.

Your gaze lingered on his plush, pink lips as they moved in rhythm with the words of the passage, each syllable rolling off his tongue with a mesmerizing cadence. The sight of his Adam's apple bobbing with each word only added to the allure, drawing your attention like a moth to a flame.

It was as if time had slowed to a crawl, the world around you fading into insignificance as you became lost in the ethereal beauty of this enigmatic man before you. In that moment, nothing else mattered except the intoxicating pull of his presence, igniting a fire within you that threatened to consume all reason and restraint.

Feeling the weight of Jimin's gaze upon you, you were jolted out of your reverie by the sound of his throat clearing. Heat flooded your cheeks as embarrassment washed over you, realizing that he had caught you staring.

Quickly averting your gaze, you focused intently on your hands, your fingers fidgeting nervously as you tried to regain your composure. Determined not to get caught in his gaze again, you kept your eyes firmly fixed on your lap, refusing to let yourself be distracted by the captivating presence of the young priest.

As Jimin continued to read from the Bible, the words washing over you in a blur, you silently resolved to maintain your focus and avoid any further embarrassment. After all, you couldn't afford to let yourself get caught in his spell again, no matter how tempting it may be.

As Jimin made his rounds, handing out toffees to each granny with a considerate and sweet demeanour, you couldn't help but admire his thoughtfulness. It was clear that he knew how to brighten their day with such simple gestures of kindness.

When he finally reached you, his touch lingered a moment longer than necessary as he held onto your hand. Startled, you looked up to meet his gaze, only to find him squeezing your hand with a playful smirk playing on his lips. Confusion swept over you like a tidal wave, leaving you to wonder if perhaps there was more to his actions than met the eye. It certainly didn't feel like your imagination running wild.

Lying in bed that night, thoughts of Jimin lingered in your mind, his actions replaying over and over again like a broken record. Despite your best efforts to push them aside, you couldn't shake the strange attraction you felt towards him, a magnetic pull that seemed to defy reason.

You scolded yourself for harbouring such feelings towards a man of the cloth, reminding yourself of Jimin's role as a priest—a figure of reverence and devotion, not someone to be viewed through the lens of attraction.

Yet, try as you might to suppress those forbidden thoughts, they continued to bubble up to the surface, refusing to be ignored. In the quiet solitude of your room, you found yourself grappling with conflicting emotions, torn between the dictates of reason and the undeniable allure of desire. It was a battle you knew you couldn't afford to lose, but one that seemed to grow more challenging with each passing moment.

The following morning you woke up just past the afternoon, you felt a little lazy today oddly, normally you were always energetic and an early bird.

You heard your grandmother talking to someone, a male to be specific. Confused by the unfamiliar voice, you decided to investigate, not particularly concerned about your appearance. After all, your pyjamas were decent enough, and you quickly tied your hair into a messy bun before heading out of your room to see who it was.

Jimin was sat there having tea with your grandmother, you never regretted a decision so much before, you wished you had put a bit more effort into your appearance.

“Good afternoon _____” Jimin smiled and showed his pearly whites.

Did he really have to acknowledge your presence you thought.

Feeling too embarrassed to say anything, you meekly smiled back.

Jimin nodded “Your grandmother makes lovely tea, come join us.”

He patted the seat next to him, as soon as you were about to make an excuse…

“Yes, dear sit down, I brought your cup already” you grandmother said.

Jimin patted the seat next to him again, you awkwardly sat down, you felt a bit too warm being so close to him.

As the conversation ebbed and flowed around you, you found yourself lost in thought, quietly sipping on your tea as your mind wandered once more to Jimin. Despite the reverent atmosphere of the room and the presence of the holy man beside you, your thoughts strayed to decidedly less holy territory.

In your peripheral vision, you caught glimpses of Jimin, sitting beside the esteemed figure with an air of casual confidence that only seemed to enhance his allure. Despite your best efforts to remain focused on the conversation at hand, your mind couldn't help but drift to the image of him, a tantalizing presence that stirred something primal within you.

As you sipped on your tea, the warmth of the liquid failing to dispel the heat that suffused your cheeks, you couldn't help but entertain the not-so-holy thoughts that danced through your mind, fuelled by the magnetic pull of Jimin's presence

You finished your cup of tea, setting it down with a delicate clink. Summoning up the courage, you stole a quick glance at Jimin, only to find him already looking at you, that infuriating smirk playing at the corner of his lips.

For a moment, you entertained the idea of smacking that smirk right off his face. But then you realized, with a sinking feeling, that he seemed to have a knack for reading your thoughts. Or at least, you hoped not.

Finally you excused yourself, and went back to your room. At last you felt a bit cooler and those unholy thoughts calmed down a little.

Later that evening your grandmother said that she promised Father Park that you would help him with church duties. Who even was he? You thought to yourself.

“Who is Father Park?” you asked.

“Jimin, his full name is Park Jimin” your grandmother replied with a smile.

“Park Jimin” you whispered; even his name was as beautiful as him.

Then it suddenly hit you that your grandmother volunteered you to help him out, you felt so uneasy around him because of your own mind.

“Do I really have to help him?” you pouted.

“______, sweetie, it’s good to help others and you needed some sort of volunteering for your scholarship application, this is a great opportunity for that too” she replied.

She did have a point, so you just thought to give it a go for now, you could always quit later, right?

As Friday dawned, anticipation hummed in the air, a tangible excitement flowing through your veins as you made your way towards the church. With each step, you rehearsed the words in your mind, preparing to greet Jimin—Father Park—with the proper respect and deference befitting his position.

"Hi, Father Park," you whispered to yourself, the words rolling off your tongue in practiced cadence, each syllable infused with a sense of reverence and warmth.

As you neared the church, your heart quickened with anticipation, the echo of your rehearsed greeting ringing in your ears like a silent mantra. And as you stepped through the threshold, ready to embark on another day of volunteering alongside Jimin, you couldn't help but feel a sense of excitement building within you, eager to see what the evening would bring in the presence of the enigmatic Father Park.

He was expecting you and was waiting just by the door.

As you approached the church, you couldn't contain your excitement and blurted out, "Hi Jimin!" Instantly, you mentally scolded yourself for not sticking to your rehearsed greeting.

Jimin's smirk only deepened, teasing you with his playful demeanour. "Hi _____," he replied, amusement twinkling in his eyes. "Someone seems excited. Come to the back; we have a lot of scrolls to arrange by dates." His smile was infectious, melting away your annoyance and replacing it with a warmth that spread through your chest. With a flutter of anticipation, you followed him eagerly, eager to spend the day by his side once more.

As Jimin guided you through the corridors of the church, a familiar warmth enveloped you once more, causing a light sheen of perspiration to form along your hairline. Despite the coolness of the surroundings, the intensity of his presence seemed to ignite a fire within you, sending waves of heat rippling through your body.

When you reached the small room, well it wasn’t exactly small, but the large boxes placed around left little room to manoeuvre. As you surveyed the cluttered space, Jimin's sudden touch on your arms sent a jolt of surprise coursing through you, causing you to freeze in place.

“Umm… what are you-” you said.

“You look like you’re feeling really warm so I thought you might want to take off your jacket” he cut you off, was his voice always this attractive?

You took a step away from him, and took off your jacket, he held his hand out indicating you to give it to him, he hung it neatly on the hook behind the door.

As Jimin explained the task at hand, gesturing towards the box of scrolls with an air of casual confidence, your attention wavered, drawn inexorably to the sight of his hands—those elegant, mesmerising hands that seemed to possess a grace all their own. Despite your best efforts to focus on his words, your gaze remained fixated on the subtle movements of his fingers as they gestured and emphasized various points.

Nodding absentmindedly in response to his instructions, you found yourself lost in a haze of fascination, utterly captivated by the sight before you. Surely, arranging scrolls by date order couldn't be so difficult, not when Jimin's hands were there to guide you, effortlessly navigating through the task with a skill that bordered on the sublime.

You were now arranging the scrolls. The cool, aged parchment felt delicate beneath your fingertips as you carefully laid them out on the expansive wooden table before you.

The musty scent of history lingered in the air, mingling with the faint fragrance of incense, creating an atmosphere of reverence and tranquillity as you worked, you arranged them in a meticulous order.

“_____” Jimin spoke.

“Mhm?” you replied, trying to concentrate on the scrolls and not him.

“How was your childhood?” he asked.

What a random thing to ask you thought.

“It was okay, my parents passed away when I was nine years old” you replied.

“I’m sorry to hear that, but before that when you were younger, did you have many friends? Imaginary friends like some people say, even though they might be real.” He said mindlessly.

You stopped arranging the scrolls and looked at him, that is such an oddly specific question.

He chuckled, “Sorry you don’t have to answer it.”

“I did have 2 friends, and I think I had an imaginary friend too, I don’t really remember much, my memories are all mixed up from the trauma of losing my parents.” You replied a little emotionally. Jimin looked into your eyes, his gaze softened a bit, he tucked a piece of your hair behind your ear and patted your head… what was that for, it’s not like you’re five, you’re a grown woman, you thought.

As you returned home after your volunteering session, a sense of contentment washed over you. Surprisingly, the experience hadn't been as bad as you had initially feared; in fact, you found yourself considering the possibility of returning again. A smile tugged at the corners of your lips as you reflected on the past two hours, realising that you had actually enjoyed spending time at the church, particularly in Jimin's company.

Throughout the week, you found yourself eagerly anticipating your next encounter with him. There was something about him that made you feel at ease, something that drew you to him like a moth to a flame. You found solace in sharing your stories with him, comforted by his attentive ear and understanding demeanour.

Unbeknownst to you, however, your growing affection for Jimin was leading you deeper into his web of deceit. Little did you realize the true nature of his intentions, or the dangerous game he was playing. As the days passed and your feelings for him intensified, you remained oblivious to the lurking shadows that threatened to consume you whole.

Chapter 2

Masterlist

A/N: how was it? :) the next chapter will contain smut, only read if you're 18+

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crownrots-archive · 9 months

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— WHAT’S AT YOUR OCS CORE? & WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

TAGGED BY @corvosattano & @simonxriley to do these two uquizzes, thank you! 💚

TAGGING @queennymeria, @risingsh0t, @thedeadthree, @loriane-elmuerto, @faerune, @shellibisshe, @rhetoricalrogue, @unholymilf, @florbelles, @minaharkers, @elliewilliums, @leviiackrman, @shadowglens, @cryptcombat, @galvus , @nightbloodbix, @carlosoliveiraa, @bbrocklesnar + anybody else that wants to do it!

ATONING (FOR SOMEONE ELSE)

You are sweet, sweet sorrow. Parting ways at an intersection, an angel's footsteps walking side by side with your own, the shadows of the past looming, looming. You are apologetic-moon-light and loiter-at-the-back-of-the-classroom and stilted-silence and rich-with-life. You are stepping-on-eggshells your way through life, be less careful. Be less careful. You make mistakes, you made mistakes, and you will make mistakes, but imagine growing from them without the wish to go back. Stop restricting yourself. Take a breath of the clean air. Stop breathing in your own secondhand smoke.

ACERBIC WIT

you're a mentor — an old scarred wolf, an injured soldier, a disgraced paladin. your teachings read as shamelessly pretentious, speaking in rhymes and biting down hard into anyone stupid enough to make the wrong move. this isn't your first life, nor your second, nor your sixth — you'll make the most of your time shackled to this world, no matter how many loops it takes to get it right. with every defeat, you reincarnate; a little smarter, a little quicker, crueler and nastier. will you choose to be brutal, equalizing, that final strike in the face of your enemies? will you go soft, become tender and domesticated? the choice is yours. it's not like i can stop you.

SHINING (FOR THE WORLD)

You are sunshine. You are too bright for this world and you know too much for your experiences. You are not naive, but you are not a cynic. You are not an optimist, but you don't see the point in pessimism. You are bright bells of energy and great pealing laughter and coffee-shop-dates and meet-in-person-lunches and you draw people to you like a magnet with the way you shine. You are bright and drained, drained, drained. You are restless nights, heavy days, broken moons. You deserve a rest. You deserve to release. You cannot carry the weight of the world alone. Share the tasks, be the light, and create the connections.

WARPED METAL

it's not working out the way you want it to. no matter how hard you try to look scary, the very picture of karmic retribution, your efforts will inevitably fall short. you're out of place here, a broken doll and a used marionette. there's nothing to gain in pretending you can't be hurt like anyone else. there's nothing to gain in pretending you aren't human, that you're made of twisted steel and distorted memories. embrace your humanity. embrace your vulnerability. give in to trust.

THRIVING (FOR YOURSELF)

You are beautiful, and there is a light in your eyes now. There wasn't, before. You feel light and you hug people tight because you know what loss feels like. You are sunsets and throw-your-head-back-laughs and 2-am-shopping-sprees and looking-over-your-shoulder-for-ghosts-of-the-past, but you are thriving. There are fifteen things you've never checked off your to-do list and never will, but you're determined to find your way to them anyway. You are glowing and it's admirable. You crawled your way from somewhere terrible and now you stand, breathing in the sun. You are admirable, never forget.

SILENT ADMISSION

in tarot, the fool is numbered 0 – the number of unlimited potential. as the protagonist, he is ever present and therefore needs no number as well as no introduction. the world revolves around you in ways that i can't begin to describe, though you'd shrug it off if i were to begin to explain. i need you to know that time is running out. if you want to get this done, you need to start now. sloth is your greatest enemy in this world, and you can only run so far from the opposition when you start with such a disadvantage. keep your head high, yeah? the kid you were is still in there somewhere. you need to show him that it was worth it.

#i have to post from the side blog since tumblr is leaving my appeals on read -_-#i might just even have to remake or start using this as my main if they don't pick it up 😭#c: marik #c: phillipa #c: slater

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stephschoices · 9 months

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Tagged by @fenharel to to use these uquizes (WAYDH? + WAYC) for some ocs, thank you ~!

Tagging @dakotawritesif @if-addiction @gloomcat-mess @sysba @griffin-wood @honeyveebeevee @wiinryrockbell and anyone else ~

Athena Lavellan (DA:I)

thriving (for yourself)

warped metal

Este (@pavedinashes-if )

shining (for the world)

acerbic wit

Jade (@inkandlaces-if )

shining (for the world)

cauterizing rage

the house has burned around you, and you’re the only one left standing. is it gratifying to be the survivor? fear and anger are weapons in your capable hands, used only to serve your agenda of fighting back when deemed necessary. you're a powerful person, built from the ashes of your despair and your family's mistakes. with time, you'll bloom into someone softer, like the full blossoms that grow each spring and wither away with the leaves in fall. they won't disappear if you take your eyes off of them. you're enough.

#tagged #about my mcs #about my ocs #oc: athena #mc: este #mc: jade #actually crying at athenas :')#also just imagine i edited vallaslin on her sfjskjgs

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soulofapatrick · 1 year

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Closeted Confession - Joel Miller x Reader

Summary: Tommy gets sick of you and Joel dancing around your feelings for each other and takes things into his own hands

Words: 1.6k

Warnings: none really

Y/N’s POV

I’m not gonna deny to myself that I have a massive fucking crush on Joel Miller and have had it ever since he and Ellie got back to Jackson about five months ago. Every time I see him I feel my heart try and escape my chest, my palms get sweaty and it’s like I’m a teenager again with a stupid crush not a twenty four year old woman.

It’s not just his ruggedly good looks that make me swoon. No, it’s the way he moves, the way he talks, the way he seems to carry the weight of the world on his shoulders. He’s seen things most people can’t even imagine, yet he’s still here, still fighting and still living.

I see him around town sometimes and all I can do is stare from a distance, a hot blush burning my face whenever he feels me staring and those strikingly warm honey eyes shift from whatever he’s doing or whoever he’s talking to, to me. He’s like a magnet, drawing me in with his quiet strength and piercing gaze. Every time Joel catches me staring, I feel like such an idiot. Here I am, a grown woman, and I can't even control my own emotions around him. But then he smiles that crooked smile of his, and my heart melts all over again.

We’ve had a few small interactions, mostly just polite ‘hello’s or nods of recognition. Each time we've spoken, I've felt a connection between us, a spark of something deeper. I know that he's been through so much, and that he's not looking for anything romantic right now but that doesn’t still my heart and I can't help the way I feel. Tommy, Joel’s younger brother and my best friend, has begun picking up on my feelings towards Joel and has been pushing me towards him, telling me it would do both me and Joel good if we got together. He’s complained about how much sexual tension there is between us whenever Joel bumps into us or vice versa and he’s getting frustrated with the dancing round each other.

There are moments when I feel like maybe, just maybe, Tommy’s right and that Joel does like me back. Like the time we were both working in the garden for this lovely older woman and he reached over to brush a leaf from my shoulder, his fingers lingering there for just a moment longer than necessary. Or the time we were in the Tipsy Bison and he offered me a hand to help me onto the stage to do karaoke after I had had one too many drinks and it was karaoke night. His touch had sent shivers down my spine and later that night those large hands and thick fingers were the forefront of my fantasies about the older man. But then again, there were other times I was just so sure I was just imagining it all, like accidentally hearing him talk to Ellie about his past and how he still wasn’t over the loss of Sarah. Or the time I saw him staring off into the distance, a haunted and lost look on his face as if being swallowed by memories that were more like nightmares.

I think Tommy finally hit his breaking point one afternoon while we were having lunch with him; Maria and Ellie. Joel and I were sitting across from each other, all five of us chatting and laughing but I couldn’t help but feel that spark I always feel between me and Joel. There’s just something about him that just captivates me and every time he looks in my direction my heart skips a beat. We talk and talk and subconsciously I’m leaning forwards, closer to him as if enthralled by his every word and every time our eyes meet I feel myself flushing.

“Hey Joel, there’s something in the closet for you,” Tommy’s speaking, breaking the trace I didn’t realise I was in having been so captured by Joel’s storytelling and only able to look away when he breaks eye contact first to look at his little brother, “Actually Y/N, would you help Joel please?”

“Uhh sure,” I’m standing, pushing my chair back and following Joel towards the hallway closet, brows furrowed as I try to picture what could Tommy want that needed both me and Joel to get it. Joel steps into the small space first and I follow to have the door abruptly slammed behind us, sending us into darkness and a sound of surprise and panic escaping from me when we hear the familiar click of the lock and Tommy’s sing-song voice the other side, “You two can come out once you’ve sorted out all that sexual tension.”

I barely hear Tommy, my hear pounding in my chest and rushing through my ears as I feel a sudden surge of panic at the thought of being trapped here in the dark but strong hands are gripping my jaw, rough pads moving soothingly over my cheeks and I’m calming a little. My eyes are adjusting to the darkness, being able to just see Joel’s outline and features. His jawline is sharp and defined, beard thick and hair a messy mop on his head all soft and fluffy by the looks of it. His eyes are the most striking feature, even in the dark ,as they’re a warm honey brown so full of depth and emotion. I can feel his gaze on me, intense and unwavering and it sends shivers down my spine. There’s a sense of power and strength radiating off of him, both terrifying and exhilarating. He’s leaning closer to me, his breath hot against my cheek and I feel a rush of desire coursing through me.

”Sexual tension, hmmm" Joel teases, voice deep and gravelly, his southern drawl peeking through with a teasing undertone. It’s also warm and comforting, his words having a way of calming my nerves and making me feel totally at ease. He’s waiting to feel me nod or shake my head against his large and calloused hands that are still holding my jaw reassuringly.

I can’t stop the small, nervous laugh at his teasing as some of the tension dissipates from the room. He waits, an equally nervous chuckle escaping him until his breath hitches when I finally nod in response to his question. His hands are moving from my jaw, one resting on my shoulder and the other on my waist as he steps closer.

“Seriously though sweet girl,” Joel’s voice drops to a low murmur, breath warm against my cheek, “I think we need to talk about what has been going on between us.”

I don’t get an opportunity to respond as Joel’s lips press against mine, the kiss full of all the pent up desire and longing it turns out we’ve both been feeling for months now. It’s like a shock of electricity runs through me and I can’t stop the soft moan that escapes in response. I feel as if my body is alive for the first time in a long time, as if all the worries and stresses that had been weighing me down just melt away in his arms. His body feels so strong and solid, pressing me up against the door and I feel his broad chest against mine with his arms wrapping tightly around me to pull us even closer to each other.

He’s pushing one of his thick thighs between my legs, pressing against me in just the right way and suddenly I’m oh so aware of just how much I want him. It’s like everything else fades away and there’s only Joel and the way his touch seems to set me alight. Our kiss becomes more urgent and intense, my hands coming over Joel’s back, feeling the muscles flexing beneath his shirt. His own hands are exploring my body, running over every dip and curve as if trying to memorise it.

Before we can get any further the support of the door on my back gives way and I’m breaking the kiss with a surprised shriek as we both go tumbling. Joel’s hand instinctively moves to the back of my head as we hit the ground with a harsh thud and it feels the wind has been knocked out of us.

Tommy is standing above us, a triumphant grin on his stupid face that I wanna smack but instead I’m grabbing his ankle and pulling, watching the smug smile slip from his face into surprise and shock as he’s suddenly on the floor as well. All three of us looking at each other before we’re bursting into laughter, the tension broken by the absurdity of the situation. I feel so alive, so grateful to have this new and long time coming connection to Joel that goes beyond words. Even if Tommy had interrupted us and is so smug and proud he got his grumpy older brother a girlfriend I know everything will work itself out and we’ll all find a routine.

As we pick ourselves up off the floor, I can't help but feel a sense of anticipation for what's to come. Joel and I have finally admitted our feelings for each other, and I can't wait to explore this newfound relationship with him (and Ellie).

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wellnotwisely · 2 years

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Briefly, on The Bear

I haven’t written in years, but I’m slowly, clunky trying to get back into it. At the moment, it's very much a case of doing it for the sake of trying to remember how to do it... Here’s a short piece on ‘The Bear’ (contains spoilers) that I managed to finish.

I'd heard a bit about The Bear- not too much so that it was labouring under the weight of expectation but just that it was a show about 'the pressures of the kitchen’ and that it was good. But what convinced me to watch it was the runtime: eight 20-minute episodes, and, boy, does that brevity serve it well.

Broadly, The Bear is about Carmy (Jeremy Allen-White), who returns home to run his brother's beef sandwich shop after he dies and leaves it to him. Carmy, a rising-star chef of some repute, finds himself back in a place he had reasons to leave, struggling to make sense of the suicide of a big brother he loved fiercely but hadn't spoken to in years. Cooking was something through which Carmy and his brother connected, yet also the source of their estrangement: Michael never let Carmy work at The Beef; never explained why. And now it is all he las left of him - this poky, debt-addled shop with its askance, rag-tag staff.

Much of what makes The Bear work is due to Jeremy Allen-White's performance - all hand-pushed-through-it mussed hair, big eyes, shoulders tight with grief and guilt, puff-puff-puffing on a cigarette. Within that small kitchen, Carmy is both the storm and the stillness. A panic attack away from immolation. The camera seems relentless in its pursuit of him, exacerbating the tension and stress with rapid cuts, jittery tracking shots, and close-ups. When he flings open the back door for a moment's escape, you gulp the fresh air for release. In his brother's kitchen, Carmy grapples with the parallels of their shared passion and pain while seeking a way to free himself from being consumed by it. Wrestling the bear.

There are other superb turns, too. Ebon Moss-Bachrach as the only-made-tolerable-because-Michael-put-up-with-him, now superfluous Richie you loathe but could absolutely see yourself being two bad choices away from being. It's such an acute combination of writing and performance to give somebody who is so inherently cuntish a degree of understanding and vulnerability without it excusing him. Aya Edebiri as Sydney, a headstrong 'green' chef burning through workplaces due to an uncompromising belief in knowing the way (her way) in implementing change immediately wherever whenever that change makes sense. Success can only look like this.

And let's talk about it: that Jon Bernthal cameo. A cameo's function is to provide the audience with the pleasure of recognition upon seeing a well-known face in a perhaps unexpected context. When Carmy says 'I always thought my bother was my best friend... Except everybody thought he was their best friend... he was that magnetic.' Suddenly it all made perfect sense. Because cameos are also a form of shorthand- the shorthand of a specific actor bringing specific, familiar elements to a part. Who could be that instantly, believably magnetic? Now, you tilt-nodded your understanding. The gossamer of a character threaded throughout made sparkly flesh. It made sense that everyone fell apart after Michael died because Michael was Jon Bernthal and that's a charisma and warmth and presence whose loss you'd feel. That final shot of Carmy's memory of Michael throwing him a look and smile over his shoulder? Conspirational after what's just occurred but also filled with love- romantic not in nature but in style. A beautiful full stop.

#the bear #Jeremy Allen-White #Ebon Moss-Bachrach #Jon Bernthal #Aya Edebiri #tvshows #thebear

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bcnooneasked · 17 days

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09/06/24 - 1:32am - in bed “gut, p, and my man, my man, my man”

so day 2 of a bone broth fast is over and it’s crazy how out of touch i was with my body. like i knew i was out of whack but i really had no idea to what extent.

it really is true that a upset gut bacteria can cause upset in your mind and life.

like i can’t wait to see how i’ll feel tomorrow.

sometimes when i eat the wrong thing it will l give me a headache and this was no different. i literally couldn’t get rid of my headache. it started binging on a pizza - definitely emotional eating for sure. i had just weighed in using the scale at work and 3 lbs of fat down and 3 pounds of muscle up.

like i have been fighting fasting for so long because i truly really do love food, but with the help of a lil bone broth, soda water, and kombucha i really be making it through. lots of salt in the water, and maybe a celsius or pre-workout today in the gym bc i am very much so not working out fasted but tbh i really pushed myself with weight and felt great!

i was there for almost 2 hrs… that’s not normal for me much anymore as i usual;y stick to just 1 hour or so but i spent time lifting and then i also did a little sauna and also some fascia stuff i think it’s called - massaging my muscles with a lil stainless steel gua sha lil thing. sweat is the lubricant during those massages and it might be in my head but they also might help break down fat for fat loss? idk in my head i’m beating them fat cells tf up lol.

also ugh there were some cuties up in the gym late at night. i’m def trying to not be too of a horny diva but when i say i miss dick i mean it with my chest. give me a big ol man rn. big. masculine, someone i respect, someone who rides for me, someone who teaches me, someone i look up to

i have been thinking lately i def do have daddy issues like i can’t ever be in love with someone who is a child. like i get the ick so dang quick when they try me like that. i get disgusted at someone not being impressive. i need to be enamored by you. i need to feel magnetic with you. i need electricity. i need you to push me to be a better person.

but he gotta be a masculine mf. i think i have in the past tried being with my more feminine sisters but like damn, i just wanna be like yea sis hey diva kitty gurl the house down boots with them,

it just ain’t cute. not for my forever man. no one needs to be my forever man besides that one dude and that’s why i think dating a waste. all i need is one good one and i trust and believe if i vibrate myself right, if i gravitate to godly good energy, if i lead with love, if i heal my bs, if i am the best most relationally healed self he worn’t be afraid to say hello, or maybe i say hello too but we won’t be able to deny our connection. every other relationship i’ll look back on and feel stupid for ever thinking that is what love felt like.

i can’t wait to be held and loved and prosper with him. prosper. heal. the christian in me wants to say praise too because honestly if he gives me a real man of god my pussy gonna praise the lord too.

he will come i just have to continue this fight to be celibate and prepare myself and heal myself of past sexual dysfunction so i can truly be me best self and set up my time with my life partner for success.

ok i need to go to bed but

since i been talking bout my godly pussy i really haven’t felt digestively efficient since i was douching regularly.

like my gut been off fr for a while now. i am solidified in that because even 2 days in and only bone broth and the things mentioned above, i still have bm in me. like i’m trying to play before bed but it’s still there and not glam or easy at all.

but like i can’t truly imagine how long these things been in me. like i truly haven’t felt together in my digestion for a while and i know i keep saying that but i imagine sometimes those things happen. clogs and buidup when your diet isn’t right.

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fitwrite · 2 months

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Effective Workouts for Quick Weight Loss and Your 7-Day Schedule!

Losing weight effectively often needs a smart exercise strategy. This means burning calories, building muscle, and boosting overall fitness. Choosing the right exercises can target different muscle groups and maximize calorie burn, leading to better results. Whether you focus on cardio for endurance, strength training for lean muscle, or flexibility exercises for mobility and injury prevention, a balanced fitness routine is key to reaching your weight loss goals.

In addition, it's important to include exercises that target belly fat, engaging core muscles and enhancing fat burning in the abdominal area as part of your full-body workouts. With so many options available, finding the best exercises for quick weight loss can be challenging. To make it easier, this blog offers a list of top home exercises for weight loss and provides a 7-day workout plan. Keep reading to get started!

What type of exercise helps you lose weight quickly?

Let's delve into the most effective exercises for quick weight loss and determine which one aligns best with your fitness goals:

1. Pilates

Pilates is excellent for rapid weight loss due to its focus on core strength, flexibility, and body toning. It’s a low-impact workout suitable for all fitness levels, emphasizing controlled movements to improve posture and endurance. Variants include mat Pilates, reformer Pilates, and exercises with props like resistance bands or stability balls.

How to Do It:

1. Lie on your back with knees bent, feet flat on the floor, and arms by your sides.

2. Engage your core, then slowly lift your neck, head, and shoulders off the mat, keeping your gaze towards your thighs.

3. Inhale, then exhale as you slowly roll back down, articulating through the spine one vertebra at a time.

2. Rowing

Rowing is a preferred full-body workout that helps with weight loss by burning a lot of calories and toning muscles. It works the back, arms, legs, and core, offering both cardiovascular and strength benefits. You can use various rowing machines, such as water, air, or magnetic rowers.

How to Do It:

1. Sit on the rowing machine with knees bent and feet strapped in, holding the handles with an overhand grip.

2. Push through your legs to straighten them, lean back slightly, and pull the handles towards your chest, engaging your back and arms.

3. Extend your arms forward, bend your knees, and return to the starting position with control, repeating as desired.

3. Burpees

Burpees are high-intensity, full-body exercises that burn calories quickly and boost metabolism. They engage multiple muscle groups, including the chest, shoulders, arms, core, and legs, and improve cardiovascular endurance. Variations include adding a push-up or jump for more intensity.

How to Do It:

1. Start standing, squat down, and place your hands on the ground.

2. Jump your feet back into a plank position, perform a push-up if desired, then jump your feet back to the squat position.

3. Explosively jump into the air with your arms overhead, land softly, and immediately return to the squat position to repeat.

4. Jump Squats

Jump squats are a dynamic plyometric exercise that targets the lower body while increasing heart rate to burn calories. They strengthen the quadriceps, hamstrings, glutes, and calves, and enhance explosive power and endurance. Variations include adding weights or performing single-leg jump squats for a greater challenge.

How to Do It:

1. Start in a squat position with feet shoulder-width apart, weight on heels, and knees slightly bent.

2. Explosively jump up as high as possible, extending your legs fully and reaching your arms overhead.

3. Land softly and immediately lower back into the squat position, repeating as needed.

5. CrossFit

CrossFit is a high-intensity interval training (HIIT) program that combines cardio, weightlifting, and bodyweight exercises for rapid weight loss and muscle gain. Workouts are scalable to different fitness levels and can be tailored to specific goals.

How to Do It:

1. Warm up with dynamic stretches or a light jog.

2. Perform a series of exercises like squats, burpees, kettlebell swings, and box jumps in a circuit format, completing each exercise for a set time or repetitions.

3. Rest briefly between exercises or circuits, aiming to complete multiple rounds within a set time frame.

6. Lunges

Lunges are versatile lower-body exercises that work the quadriceps, hamstrings, glutes, and calves, while also engaging the core for stability. They can be performed in different directions and with or without added resistance to increase intensity and target different muscle groups.

How to Do It:

1. Stand tall with feet hip-width apart and hands on hips or sides.

2. Take a large step forward, lowering your body until both knees are bent at 90-degree angles. The front thigh should be parallel to the floor, and the back knee should hover above the ground.

3. Push through the heel of the front foot to return to the starting position, then repeat on the other side, alternating legs.

7. Mountain Climbers

Mountain climbers are a full-body exercise that targets multiple muscle groups, including the core, shoulders, arms, and legs, while providing a cardiovascular challenge. They can be performed at various speeds and angles to increase intensity and improve agility and endurance.

How to Do It:

1. Start in a plank position with hands under shoulders and body in a straight line from head to heels.

2. Engage your core, drive one knee towards your chest, then quickly switch legs in a running motion.

3. Continue alternating legs at a controlled pace, keeping hips stable and core engaged for the desired duration or repetitions.

Which exercise burns belly fat fastest?

Remember, while full-body workouts are important, specific exercises can also help with belly fat. Here are some of the best exercises for quickly reducing belly fat and achieving lasting results:

1. High-Intensity Interval Training (HIIT)

HIIT is highly effective for burning belly fat. It boosts your heart rate and burns calories rapidly by alternating between intense activity and short rest periods, especially targeting the abdominal area.

Examples of HIIT Exercises for Belly Fat:

- Burpees

- Sprint Intervals

- Jump Squats

- Mountain Climbers

- High Knees

2. Cardiovascular Exercises

Cardio workouts like cycling and swimming are great for burning calories and reducing belly fat. They increase your heart rate and metabolism, leading to more fat loss, especially with regular exercise.

Examples of Cardio Exercises for Belly Fat:

- Running or Jogging

- Cycling (Indoor or Outdoor)

- Swimming

- Jump Rope

- Rowing

3. Strength Training

Strength training helps reduce belly fat by building muscle, which boosts metabolism and burns fat even when you're not working out. Exercises that target multiple muscle groups are particularly effective.

Examples of Strength Training Exercises for Belly Fat:

- Squats

- Deadlifts

- Lunges

- Push-ups

- Bent-over Rows

4. Full-Body Workouts

Full-body workouts increase calorie burn and fat loss by engaging multiple muscle groups, including the abs. These workouts help you achieve a leaner physique and reduce belly fat effectively.

Examples of Full-Body Exercises for Belly Fat:

- Burpees

- Kettlebell Swings

- Clean and Press

- Thrusters

- Battle Ropes

5. Core-Strengthening Exercises

While you can’t target belly fat specifically, strengthening your core improves posture and abdominal tone, leading to a flatter stomach. Core exercises also enhance muscle definition and spinal alignment.

Examples of Core Exercises for Belly Fat:

- Plank Variations (Standard, Side, Plank with Leg Lifts)

- Russian Twists

- Bicycle Crunches

- Leg Raises

- Mountain Climbers

About ToneOp Fit

ToneOp Fit is a platform dedicated to improving and maintaining good health through a comprehensive range of goal-oriented health plans with up to 3 Coach support. With a range of Weight Management, Medical Condition, Detox Plans, and Face Yoga Plans, the app also provides premium health trackers, recipes and health content. Get customised diet, fitness, naturopathy & yoga plans and transform yourself with ToneOp.

#health and wellness #fitness #health #healthcare

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jetflygeek · 6 months

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How do you control an electric surfboard?

To control the speed and direction of the electric surfboard, riders use a handheld wireless controller. This controller is equipped with buttons or a throttle lever that allows the surfer to adjust the speed of the motor. By pressing the throttle or adjusting the buttons, the rider can increase or decrease the power output of the motor, resulting in faster or slower speeds.

When the rider activates the motor, it transfers its rotational energy to a propeller or impeller located at the rear of the board. This propeller, which is submerged in the water, generates a powerful thrust that propels the board forward. The greater the power output from the motor, the more forceful the thrust, and the faster the board will travel.

The electric surfboard's design incorporates several key features to ensure stability and maneuverability in the water. The board itself is typically constructed from lightweight and durable materials such as carbon fiber or fiberglass. This allows the board to remain buoyant while offering strength and stability during the ride.

To enhance stability and control, electric surfboards often feature fins or hydrofoils. Fins are located at the bottom of the board and provide stability by reducing side-to-side wobbling. Hydrofoils, on the other hand, are wing-like structures mounted underneath the board. They work by lifting the board out of the water as speed increases, reducing drag and improving efficiency.

The rechargeable battery used in electric surfboards is a crucial component that determines the ride time and range of the board. Lithium-ion batteries are commonly used due to their high energy density and lightweight characteristics. The battery is typically charged using a standard electrical outlet or a specialized charger.

The ride time of an electric surfboard can vary depending on factors such as the rider's weight, speed, and battery capacity. On average, electric surfboards can provide a ride time of 30 minutes to over an hour on a single charge. Some high-end models may even offer interchangeable batteries, allowing riders to extend their ride time by quickly swapping out depleted batteries with fully charged ones.

Safety is a paramount concern when using electric surfboards. Electric Surfboard Manufacturers incorporate safety features such as magnetic kill switches, which automatically shut off the motor in case of a fall or loss of control. Additionally, riders are encouraged to wear appropriate safety gear, such as helmets and life vests, to protect themselves while enjoying the sport.

In conclusion, electric surfboards revolutionize the way we experience surfing by combining the power of electric motors with the excitement of riding waves. By harnessing the energy of a rechargeable battery and utilizing a propeller or impeller, these boards provide surfers with a thrilling and exhilarating ride. Whether you're a beginner or a seasoned surfer, an electric surfboard offers a unique and electrifying experience on the water.

#jetboards #powered surfboard #silver surfer #surfboard #surf life #surf

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psychiatricspecialists · 1 year

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TMS Treatment For Depression: How They Work, Benefits, Side Effects

Major depressive disorder is a serious mental health condition that can have debilitating effects on those who suffer from it. Fortunately, treatments are available to help manage the symptoms of depression and improve the quality of life. TMS treatment for depression is one of those options, especially for those with treatment-resistant depression.

In this blog post, we’ll explore how transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) works, its potential benefits for people with depression, and any potential associated side effects.

What Is Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation (TMS) Treatment for Depression?

So what exactly is transcranial magnetic stimulation?

This non-invasive procedure uses magnetic fields to stimulate nerve cells, which are thought to be involved in mood regulation and other aspects of mental health functioning.

How Does TMS Therapy Work?

During a typical session at your doctor’s office or clinic setting. You will sit comfortably while an electromagnetic coil placed against your head sends short magnetic pulses into specific areas of your brain where changes may need to occur for you to feel better emotionally and mentally overall.

What Are the Pros and Cons of TMS?

Benefits of TMS Treatment for Depression

The main benefit associated with transcranial magnetic stimulation (TMS) therapy is that it has been found effective at reducing depression symptoms without having any major negative side effects like some medications used for treating depression often do (e.g., weight gain).

Additionally, since no anesthesia or sedation drugs are needed during the procedure itself, unlike many other forms of treatment, patients tend not to experience dizziness or nausea afterward either.

Furthermore, research suggests that after receiving several weeks’ worth of time improvements, they may even last up to six months beyond when they initially received them!

Side Effects of TMS

As far as possible side effects go, the most reported ones include:

Scalp discomfort/pain around the area where the magnet was applied

Headache

Temporary hearing loss

Tinnitus

Confusion

Lightheadedness

Facial muscle twitching

Seizures

Although these should go away shortly after each session, if they persist, contact your medical provider right away.

Does TMS Work for Depression?

All things considered, transcranial magnetic stimulation appears to be a promising way to treat individuals suffering from depressive disorders.

It is a noninvasive treatment option that does not compromise effectiveness. If you want to try it, ask your doctor for more information!

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hairstyleforteen · 2 years

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What is Emsculpting?

High-Intensity Focused Electromagnetic technology is used to cause deep muscle stimulation.A single Emsculpt session causes 20,000 muscle contractions.You don't have to do anything on your part.Emsculpt is a machine that uses magnetic fields. How long does Emsculpt results last? You can keep your results for six months to a year if you follow a healthy lifestyle.You can come in to maintain your results after you finish your package. Is Emsculpting real? There have been no serious adverse events recorded by using Emsculpt.The safety of the device has been supported by many studies. How much does Emsculpt device cost? Patients need approximately four treatments two to three days apart, so having Emsculpt as a part of your treatment offerings can boost a practice's revenue.The cost varies from $750 to $1000 per treatment area. How much is a BTL EmSculpt?BTL EmSculpt is one of the best-selling RF units.The current price range is based on 12 vendors.The costs start at $5,000 and end at $139,995. Why am I gaining weight after Emsculpt? The segulls are back.You can gain weight due to a poor diet, periods of stress, and hormonal fluctuations.You may start to notice that the bulges you used to have are back. Does em sculpt hurt? Does Emsculpt hurt?Emsculpt does not cause pain.Patients say they feel a sensation. Does fat freezing work? Studies show that fat freezing can reduce fat by 25%.The effectiveness of the treatment appeals to clients who are looking to reduce body fat in a short period of time. How long does CoolSculpting last? Patients get one to three sessions per area.The results of the treatment can be seen in a few weeks.The most dramatic results are visible around two months after treatment, but the body will continue to eliminate fat cells for four to six months. How does fat leave the body? Your body must dispose of fat deposits through a series of pathways.Your body excretes fat metabolism's byproducts when you sweat, and when you urinate.When you breathe out, carbon dioxide is through your lungs. Can fat cells be destroyed naturally? The answer is yes, fat cells can eliminate permanently.You don't lose cells when you lose weight because you burn fat in each cell and this causes them to grow smaller. How much is a Emsculpt machine? You can purchase packages to keep up with your results.Most people can't get the treatment at that price point.Frank explains that the $250,000 machine is the reason for the cost. Do fat cells stay forever? Regardless of whether you gain or lose weight, the number of fat cells in your body remains the same through adulthood. Does freezing fat hurt? Does fat freezing hurt?In most cases fat freezing does not cause pain.Patients can feel quite chilly and experience some strange stretching sensations due to the vacuum-like suction and sub-zero temperatures. Can fat cells grow back? Your body doesn't create more fat cells after you reach adulthood.Gaining or losing weight can change the size of fat cells.Your fat cells will enlarge if you gain weight.The fat cells shrink if you lose weight. Can you see fat in urine? The person has chyluria.Lymphatic fluid leaking into your kidneys is a condition called chyluria.Your urine may have a white color as well as an oily appearance.This is due to the presence of fat. Do u pee more when losing weight? Dr. Dagen says that both men and women pee more when they lose weight.Because of their higher levels of lean muscle mass, men can lose weight at a faster rate than women, which can lead to more rapid fat loss and increased urination. At what age do fat cells stop multiplying? The number of fat cells in our bodies increases as we get older.We maintain the number of fat cells once we hit our 20s.Our bodies are quick to replace dying cells. Read the full article

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starks-hero · 2 years

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dream a little, dream of me

Pairing: Stephen Strange x Reader

Summary: You're met with the realisation that in order to save the world you'll have to lose your own.

↳ or a nwh scene au where instead of Peter it's you that has to convince Stephen to erase you from everyone's mind, including his.

Word Count: 1.3k

Warnings: this one's sad, that's... that's your warning

a/n: read part two here ;)

Fissures lit up the New York sky line, bright violet tears in space and time itself. Menacing shadows were beginning to appear where the night gave way to the multiverse; translucent looming omens of what was to come should your reality be exposed to the threats of the multiverse.

Stephen's hands trembled as he attempted to keep reality from collapsing in on itself. Despite his best efforts, his magic proved to serve as little more than a needle threading through a piece of fabric that was being torn apart at the seams. The battle he was fighting was one he was bound to lose.

You watched on with an ailing heart. You, the catalyst of all this. The magnet that was currently pulling an army of multiversal threats towards a world unequipped to defend itself from them.

“They're starting to come through and I can't stop them.” Stephen's voice was brittle, strained by both his magic and his fear. His eyes caught your own only briefly. In Stephen's case, the eyes truly were the windows of the soul and what you'd seen in his had told you everything. The fight was over.

“Y/N,” his voice was pained. “You need to get somewhere safe. Go back to the Sanctum and find Wong. I'll hold them back as long as I can.”

“What? Strange, no–”

“Y/N, it's too late.”

“I'm not going to leave you here.”

“We're out of time!” His tone left no room for negotiation. But as your hurt manifested in an involuntary step back, his voice softened. “We're out of time.”

You desperately racked your mind for something, anything that could stop the onslaught of multiversal threats. The one plan of action you were left with was undesirable at best and unfathomable at worst But the thunderous rumble of the fracturing sky above you served as a reminder that there was no other alternative.

“What if you cast another spell?” you asked. The words caused your chest to ache, thining out the air in your lungs. “They're all coming here because of me. So make them forget, make everyone forget who I am.”

Stephen's eyes clouded as he realised the implications of your words.

“No.” His voice shook as he poured his focus back into patching the tears in the sky, either out of necessity or to ignore your proposal; you couldn't tell.

“But it would work,” you said plainly. You watched the inner conflict play out in Stephen's mind and the horror that accompanied his realisation. “Stephen, we don't have time to argue over this.”

You stepped closer, taking notice of how his hands trembled under the weight of the universe. He didn't look at you as he spoke.

“If I cast that spell, everyone who has ever known you, ever loved you, we–” He tried to swallow the last word back down but your widened eyes told him it was too late. “We would have no memory of you. It would be as if you never existed.”

You smiled, fighting off the tremble in your bottom lip. “I can work with that.”

“I can't,” Stephen answered quickly. He shook his head, the action weak and feeble. “Don't make me do this. Please, I'll figure something out just... just wait–” His hand fell slightly and the sky seemed to creek with the loss of support.

Your hand gently brushed his cheek and with your touch came the realisation of just how final the moment was. Forgetting you would be like forgetting how to breathe and a plea to reconsider, to just give him time, had already been formed in Stephen's mind. A thundering roar from above sounded and it seemed the universe itself was denying him that chance.

“I know what I have to do.” Your voice was strong, your certainty in the self-sacrifice you were about to make mirroring that of the heroes of old and in that moment Stephen hated you for it.

“I'm not ready to lose you,” he managed. “There's so much I still have to say.”

“Now's really not the time to get all sweet on me,” you said lowly as you brushed your thumb along his cheek.

“I thought I'd have more time.” His voice trembled as he spoke and you couldn't find anything else to say. “Come find me when this is all done.”

“And tell you what?” You smiled sadly. “Whatever I come up with is going to sound–”

“Strange?” Stephen raised a brow and the action paired uncomfortably with the tears in his eyes. He blinked them away and gently rested his head against your own. “I'll believe you.”

The sky groaned again above you. The patches began to disappear, stitching themselves back together. You glanced down and found the orange glow of Stephen's magic circling his wrist.

You took a step back, your skin already feeling barren and light where you'd lost his touch. You swallowed around the aching in your chest. The horror of witnessing the man you cared so deeply for stand before you with no knowledge of who you were was what pushed you to eventually leave his side.

“See you soon, doc.” You sealed your promise with a kiss to his cheek before your feet carried you away from him.

His eyes were clouded when he blinked them open, as if waking up from some prolonged dream. And the brief glimpse he caught of you as you slipped away was heavy with all the indifference of spotting a stranger.

Three Months Later

Life without the avenger title was something you welcomed surprisingly well. The sudden ability to walk down the street without any recognition was something you particularly enjoyed. No photos, no requests for autographs and no people yelling catchphrases you had no memory of ever spouting. There was also a lack of insults from people who viewed the avengers as glorified attack dogs or harsh comments from those who knew the ones you couldn't save.

It was a refreshing change.

As you rounded the street corner, you collided with a firm chest and the coffee you'd been holding was sent all over you and the unlucky stranger.

“I'm so sorry.”

Your head raised the moment your mind registered the sound of his voice and there he was. His eyes were as blue as you recalled, his hair neatly slicked back and his once prestige white button-up stained with coffee.

You'd rehearsed this a hundred times, every day since the moment you'd left him. Trying to build up your courage to face him again and explain it all but you could never find it in you to bite the bullet and do it. Even now as he stood before you, you found your mouth open but no words passed your lips. Not even so much as an apology for destroying his clothes.

Stephen waved his hand and the dark stain on both your clothes was gone, not drying as much as completely disappearing as if it had never touched the fabric to begin with.

“Do I know you?” Stephen asked suddenly. His head tilted inquisitively to the side and a single rebellious strand of hair fell loose and curled against his brow. You had to fight the urge to reach out and brush it back into place.

“N-no, sorry,” you managed upon realising that he was still, rather patiently, waiting for your answer. “I think you've confused me for someone else.”

“You just look–” Whatever he was going to say he decided against it and shook his head with a dismissive smile. “I'm sorry again.”

“It– it's fine.” You glanced at the cup in your hands and found it once again steaming with a fresh brew no thanks to Stephen's magic. You took a cautious sip. “How did you know I took my coffee with two sugars?”

“I don't know,” he answered honestly, sounding somewhat confused himself. But confidence quickly found its way back into his tone as a smirk and flirtatious wink accompanied his next words. “Call it intuition. I'm Stephen, by the way.”

You listened as he finished his introduction with all the reserved politeness one treated a stranger with. You smiled, silently praying the man before you didn't notice the sadness behind it as you told him your name.

“It's nice to meet you.”

Thank you for reading!

strange tag list: @bakerstreethound @evelynrosestuff

#MoM got me hyperfixating on him again #stephen strange x reader #doctor strange x reader #stephen strange x you #doctor strange x you #doctor strange multiverse of madness #multiverse of madness #1k #2k

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winterhawkkisses · 3 years

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“I ain’t movin’,” Bucky says. A bullet whistles past his head but he doesn’t flinch, bringing up his gun and shooting back without looking, his eyes still fixed on Steve. Clint’s not exactly surprised that no more shots come from that direction. Clint shifts his weight and then adjusts so his balance doesn’t get taken out from underneath him, leaning semi-casually on one hip because the other leg’s feeling tentative.

“Bucky,” Steve says on a long breath, but doesn’t look exactly like he’s got much to follow it up. After a second Sam shifts, unconsciously taking his place at Steve’s right shoulder; his face has that look of caring attention that reminds Clint of that one nurse at his junior school that he’d had to work to avoid.

“Hey, man,” Sam says, “if it’s too close to the bone that’s okay. The fact that you got us here is a hell of an achievement.”

“Right,” Steve continues, and he looks a little lost, but he’s also got that jaw thing going on that says that even if he doesn’t know the way through this situation he’s gonna do it with conviction. “The intel you’ve given us is enough, Buck, you don’t have to be there every time we take Hydra down.”

“Me, Clint and Steve have got it covered.” Sam grins over at Clint, and it’s gotta be the sheer magnetism of his sunny gap-toothed smile that’s causing the high-pitched ringing in Clint’s ears, right? That’d explain the swooping in his stomach, and the way the world’s easing a little further away, and the sudden urge to vomit.

Clint concentrates on sending a grin back Sam’s way, concentrates on making it look as natural as possible. He’s had practice, he’s got this.

Bucky rolls his pretty grey eyes, his jaw all clenched and steely, and it’s honestly a danger to Clint’s health, how many beautiful people he’s surrounded with on a daily basis.

Or that might be the blood loss.

“I’m not goin’ anywhere ‘cos Clint’s hurt,” Bucky says, and Steve’s eyes widen, and Sam’s smile drops as he steps forward.

“What?” Clint says. “No, I’m fine, I can do this no problem.”

“You’re an idiot, is what you are,” Bucky says, and Clint can’t help but grin, reminded more than anything of Natasha, although Natasha never made his heart go all fluttery like this. Is that a bad sign?

Honestly it’s difficult to tell where the serious injury ends and the falling in love begins, symptoms-wise, and that probably explains way too much about Clint.

The others complete the mission only after Clint has agreed to go back to the quinjet, has let himself be bandaged up and laid down. He’s gonna call it a nap, if anyone asks, but it’s possible he may have passed out for a while, and he only wakes up when he feels callused fingers press down against his wrist.

“Whaddaya think, doc,” he mumbles. “‘m I gonna make it?”

“Not if Natasha kills you for gettin’ hurt.” Bucky’s voice is rough and low, curled through with the satisfaction that taking down a Hydra base always brings. It’s worth wincing into the too-bright light to get to see the - not smile, maybe, but the softening of his mouth that comes along with it.

“How come you knew about that anyway?” Clint asks. He’s been hiding that he’s been hurt since he was old enough to know how, and he didn’t think anyone but Natasha knew him well enough to call him out on it.

Bucky’s eyes meet his for a second, and his expression is a little wary, but it’s lightened up around the edges with something better, something good. His fingers slide down from Clint’s wrist, over his palm, and Clint curls his fingers up to catch them ‘cos blood loss be damned, he knows what this feeling is.

“Maybe I like lookin’ at you,” Bucky says.

#winterhawk #what the fluff

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transrobot · 2 years

Text

The Making Of A Heavy Cyborg

Keeping the Conscious and Transforming the Flesh

CW For the FIRST paragraph only: Anatomy

||The only thing left of the human body will be the nervous system (though probably cut apart or much smaller than the one we have, only because I'd use wires to make up for loss nerves so it'll provide the same function) and most likely the eyes, because I don't know how the eyes work just yet and I don't know if they can be supplemented with technology. The brain is the KEY function here, it'll be preserved somehow (along with the rest of the biological aspect) in some type of liquid. I'm not sure yet what liquid, but anything to keep it function, not rotting, and in stasis. These are the only human aspects to the machine, practically "uploading" the consciousness to another being. I don’t know how I’m going to test this, because all of this is extremely risky. ||

How It Gets Its Energy

The machine body will be powered like a water turbine, except with magnets. I’ve hypothesized that we can make a never ending source of kinetic to mechanical energy with just magnets. I’d use two (maybe more, depending on the size) “blades”, making it look like a fan. Negative charge will be on the top of the blade, positive on the bottom. It’ll be connected to a pole which will have the inner workings of something like a water turbine/wind turbine to create the energy into something the machine can use. There will be magnets on the outside of this “fan” design. They will be angled in such a way where it’ll make the blades continuously go, but never stop or slow down. The top will have a positive charge, the bottom will be a negative charge. Basically, just the opposite of the blades. I’m unsure how fast this will make the blades, and I’m unsure if this could cause any problems with the machine's design. That’s for when I test it though.

**Getting It To Move** This is a work in progress.

This requires more research. I do not want to use hydraulics because of potential leaking and sustainability. However, it might just be the best option. Note, I really don’t have much experience with stuff like this, so I’m relying on the internet for my research. The next one is used by many animatronics: Servos. This is good for smaller parts of the body, but it can’t support heavier weights. After some research, Disney machines/animatronics use hydraulics for their life-like and larger animatronics. So I’d follow suit with them, as I want to have natural/life-like movement as much as possible. An idea to have twistable movement will be ball rotation, the only problem with this is the wires and other machinery which can’t twist without unwinding. Memory and the Conscious There will be a “core” memory which cannot be removed from the machine, and supplemental data which will be stored on hard drives. These hard drives will be as large as possible, so if this was made in this day and age, it’ll be 20TB.

The core memory will be things that must be remembered. This will include maintenance of the machine body, a “owners manual” and anything else needed to keep on living. Core memory will most likely include the users own memories, but this will be stored in the brain already. Additional core memories, such as manuals, will appear like “huds” in the machine's vision. All they have to do is think what they need, and the receptors attached to that brain will pick up on it and bring up what they need. Additional memory, basically anything that comes after the removal of the flesh, will be stored on hard drives. These hard drives can be taken out and replaced in case it gets too full. It is suggested that the machine label the hard drives with dates and key information so it can go back for them at a later date. It is also suggested to keep them orderly, as to not lose them or break them accidentally.

Personal Design I’ll add more to this section later, because I’d like to attempt to sketch some bits of it. But I know I like the idea of four arms, a “tail” for stabilization (because it’ll probably be top heavy) and legs built for speed and jumping (Something akin to the prosthetic leg build for performance/running). The body will resemble a machine, because I'm not trying to hide it. I want my purpose to be immortality and recording history that might be forgotten to time otherwise.

#robotkin #machinekin #transhumanism #robotgender #bitgender #androidkin #aikin #computerkin #originally this was written in the machinekin discord #but thought it'd be a good fit here #so enjoy!#Ion rambles #cyborg #cyborgkin #transhumanist #biohack #biohacking #heavy cyborg

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alaskasmonsters · 4 years

Text

Patch-Up | Levi Ackerman

levi got injured and you clean his wounds and patch him up, feeling guilty about being the reason he got hurt.

pairing: Levi Ackerman x gn!reader

w.c: 2.665

warning: very minor description of injuries, mentions of blood, Levi is kinda very soft in this one

a.n: i wasn’t actually planning to finish this so quickly, haha, levi i love you. also, i feel like he might kinda be ooc??? i just idk, maybe? i hope it isn’t too bad, though.

A frustrated sigh left your lips as you inspected Levi’s face closer, trying to hide your concern about the head wound and the now dried-up blood that marked a trail from the man’s hair line down to his chin.

He’s been hurt during your fight against Kenny and his guys, hitting his head horribly at one point during, leaving a nasty cut behind.

You already felt bad about that, since it was kinda your fault he hit his head in the first place, as he had to protect you in a moment you weren’t entirely focused and would have certainly died if Levi hadn’t swooped in and saved your ass.

It didn’t help that Levi’s eyes, who were usually set in a cold and unbothered glance had grown softer, which smoothened out the frown he almost always wore on his face.

It was terrifying.

You hoped the man didn’t have a concussion because of your stupidity.

“I’ll clean the wound,” you mumbled weakly, repeating words you’ve already said once to remind yourself to keep moving towards him.

You were hyper aware of the captain’s eyes on you and the way the matratze softly bounced as you sunk down on the bed beside him. You reached for the bucket with fresh water and the cloth hanging off it and noticed in horror that your hands were shaking.

Calm down. It‘s only a little blood.

Dipping the fabric into the water and wringing it out you tried to focus your attention on calming your breath, scared Levi would notice you panicking and get annoyed by your sensitive nature as he once called it.

As you were sure your heart rate had slowed you turned again, sending the brunet a small smile, hoping it looked reassuring, as you moved the cloth to start cleaning around the area of the eyes first, so he could see again.

Your hands were still shaking, you noticed bitterly, but you tried your best to make it seem like it was fine.

A hand then took hold of your wrist in a surprisingly soft manner, holding your arm in place.

You froze in surprise, eyes glancing up to find Levi staring at you. His gaze studying you calmly.

“I‘m okay,” he said.

You averted your eyes, biting your lips.

So he had noticed.

Of course.

He was way too observant to miss your fidgety movements and shaky breath. You should probably be more surprised about the soft tone of his voice and the absent annoyance in his features.

„I know,“ you assured, trying and probably failing at putting a tone of certainty in your voice.

Levi studied your face once more, before he gave a slow nod of approval, letting go off your wrist again.

You hoped he didn’t see you visibly relax after he did.

Quickly, you went to work and started cleaning off the dried blood from beneath his left eye first. That proved itself more difficult than you had expected as the constant weight of his eyes on you made you feel nervous and short-breathed.

Silence fell between the both of you, the only sound being your breathing and the occasional water splashing, when cleaning off the rug.

“Close your eye,” you ordered as you had removed all the blood from his cheek.

Levi did what you told him without complaining, closing his eye while he continued watching you out of the other in the meantime.

You clenched your jaw, slowly growing frustrated by the eerie silence between you two and Levi’s uncharacteristic calmness.

Not that he usually screamed at you, but the aura of annoyance that enveloped humanity’s strongest most days, especially when interacting with you it seemed, had disappeared.

It kinda scared you.

His persistent glance on you, now out of two eyes again as you moved to clean off the cloth, would have felt more comfortable if he’d just rolled his eyes once in a while.

It almost seemed like he was expecting you to do something, or hoping maybe. Although you had no idea of what that could be.

Slowly the silence was growing heavy for you, the urge to fill it with words becoming unbearable. So when you turned back to move on to his forehead, softly brushing dark strands of hair out of his face you said the first thing that came to mind.

“I‘m sorry.“

The familiar frown appeared on his face again and your heart jumped in your chest.

“What are you talking about?“

You shrugged, trying to focus your attention on your task at hand instead of letting your eyes shift back to his.

“I was being stupid and didn‘t pay attention and you had to save my ass...now you‘re hurt,” you whispered, words dripping with guilt.

Tears pricked the corner of your eyes and you cursed yourself at being so hypersensitive. Levi hated when you cried about stupid shit, he hated it when you were being dramatic.

You bit your lips, forcing the tears back down.

„Tch. It wasn‘t your fault your ODM gear malfunctioned, brat.”

Levi did finally sound annoyed (his voice still had that soft nuance to it, though, so it didn’t completely count).

“If I wasn't distracted that moment, I wouldn't have been almost sliced up by one of Kenny’s guys despite my malfunctioning ODM gear and you wouldn’t have had to swoop in and save my ass and then you never would have gotten hurt...” i explained, hands moving faster to rub the blood off of his skin as my voice rose in frustration.

If you had only been able to save face, keep calm and not fall into utter panic the moment something didn’t work out as you had expected it, too. Then this would have never happened.

Levi was right. You were irresponsible and childish and hot headed and...

A cold hand snuck around your wrist once again, squeezing your skin once, twice. Your hand stilled. Turning your face away, you bit your lip in frustration.

You had been told often, by almost everyone you’ve ever gotten to know throughout the years with the Survey Corps, that you wore your heart on your sleeve. Some found it endeatring, calling you soft hearted and gentle, while others were (rightfully) scolding you for it, saying you’d never make it far in this kind of profession when you weren’t even able to hide your frustration with the smallest things.

Armin, one of your new recruits, had once told you you had an honest face. Said it was the reason many people trusted you, since they knew you couldn’t hide your lies or insincerities as easily as others.

Levi had told you many times that it was your biggest disadvantage and he was right. You’d never be able to rise in the ranks, never would be declared the leader of a squad or trusted in a position with responsibility. After all, nobody wanted to take orders from someone who couldn't hide their fear, anger, frustration or sadness.

You almost expected Levi to scold you for it once again, grip your wrist and tell you, no, order you to get a grip, not to let anybody see your weakness...

He didn’t.

“I told you, it wasn‘t your fault,” he told you sternly as his thumb softly stroked the inside of your wrist.

Your brain so gracefully short-circuited at the action and unwillingly, as if you were pulled towards a magnet, your eyes were drawn back towards Levi.

His facial expression was just as monotone as usual, but his eyes, they were different still. An emotion you couldn’t quite grasp hidden just beneath the surface. You didn’t know what exactly it was, but it made your heart flutter.

“I‘m still sorry though,” you protested weakly, smiling a little, hoping it would ease the thick tension.

Levi continued to study your face in silence for a few seconds before he finally let go, with a roll of his eyes and a scoff.

You could hardly hide the feeling of triumph that gave you.

“Brat.”

You grinned at him, turning your attention back to his wounds.

You hadn’t even noticed how long you’d already held his hair back, cradling his head in your hand.

The realization made your cheeks glow and you quickly sneaked a look at the man but noticed thankfully Levi had either not noticed or decided not to comment.

You went back to your job, chest a little lighter.

When you were finished cleaning off all the dried off blood you took a closer look at his injury. Despite the vehement blood loss the cut in his skin was relatively small. It didn’t even need stitches, although it might leave behind a bump, considering the velocity he had hit the roof with on his way down.

You sat back on your hackles and raised your finger. You gave Levi a stern (or hopefully stern) glance as you told him to follow your movements.

“Don‘t be an idiot, i don‘t have a concussion.”

You gave him a pout, unmoving as you eyed him stubbornly.

Judging by how easily he gave in, indicated by a sigh and another roll of his eyes, your worry might be justified.

You started moving your hand slowly and Levi followed the movement for a while, sending you a glare when you started drawing circles and spirals into the air.

You just gave him a grin.

“Okay, any dizziness? Headaches?” you asked.

“Why need a headache when you‘re around?” Levi answered sarcastically.

Seems like he was alright enough to be a little shit, then.

“Don‘t insult the person who‘s been cleaning blood off of you for 10 minutes!“

Now the only thing left to do was patching up his head, Thinking about it, a bandaged head would probably only add even more to his already above average appearance.

You started applying the cloth, carefully wrapping the material around his head. Levi endured your slow process like a champ.

You peeked at him from time to time, making sure the man had no complaints. He was very precise and hated sloppy work and you didn’t want him to think of you as unfit to fix him up. After all you had been the one offering, no, persisting to take a look and you didn’t want him to regret giving in to you.

“Stop looking at me like that, brat.”

You frowned, glancing down at him again.

“What? I don‘t know what you mean. I‘m not looking at you in any specific way.”

The corners of his lips moved up slightly, close enough to resemble a smile and your breath stuttered at the unfamiliar action. Your eyes were pulled towards them, the soft curve of his mouth was strangely captivating to you.

“It‘s the way you‘re always looking at me,” he explained with a teasing tone and his smirk widened a little, making him look less and less like the Levi you’ve talked to every day.

Your face flooded with heat and you quickly snapped up your eyes, to no longer stare at the man’s lips (yes, you had been staring, how embarrassing) but instead into his eyes.

Big mistake.

The amused glint you found there made your face flush an even darker shade of red.

You could curse yourself and that you were once again acting like a smitten teenager instead of a soldier in front of your captain.

Trying to gloss over your embarrassment you shook your head, scoffing softly. Then you focused your attention on finishing your work with the bandage.

“I don‘t look at you any differently than I look at other people,” you declared in frustration.

He laughed. Levi Ackerman, emotionally stunted Levi Ackerman laughed. It was quiet and breathy, more likely a chuckle, almost inaudible, too.

But it shook you to your core.

“You have no issue declaring your love to me multiple times a day, but now you‘re getting shy?“ he asked in amusement, cocking his head to the side.

You huffed.

He wasn’t wrong, you were awfully direct with your affections towards the captain. Just like you couldn’t hide your emotions when it came to your face, you were horrible at concealing them in general.

How could you not comment on his strength and attractiveness when it was a blatant fact. Although you often did it in a joking manner, teasing Levi for having the prettiest face in the Survey Corps and acknowledging his skills with the ODM gear.

It wasn’t fair he was using this against you now.

“Shut up!” you grumbled, pulling at the cloth to straighten it out again.

Levi did shut up, although the smile didn’t fall from his face and his eyes watched you work with interest.

You finished quickly, partly because his gaze on you was nothing short of unsettling, partly because you hoped you’d get away before he started full on teasing you.

You couldn’t quite hide your frustration (as already established) and let out an exasperated groan.

“And stop smiling!” you warned, not sure where you’ve gotten the courage to do so.

Levi followed your movements as you picked up the bucket and brought it across the room to empty its contents into the sink.

“Is my smile bothering you? Didn‘t you say i should smile more?“ he asked in confusion.

“Yeah, but just in general. Not when i‘m in the room!“ you corrected him halfheartedly.

The chuckle you got in response made your brain short circuit once again.

How the fuck was this man so hot?

”Any specific reasons as to why, brat?“

You could only speak of luck that your back was turned towards Levi so you could hide the traitorous shade of red your face must be spotting at this moment. There would have been no denying it if the captain had chosen to comment on it.

Knowing him, he would have.

“Shut up.” you protested again, subtly raising your hands to your face to cool your cheeks a little.

You couldn’t see his face this way but you were sure that Levi put his newfound ability of a smile, maybe even a smirk, judging by the goosebumps you felt on the back of your neck, to use.

While you were busy washing the bucket, Levi got to his feet to study your work in the mirror by the cupboard. He took a few seconds, and you believed he must be sorting the criticism he had by fatality, starting with the least life threatening mistake you made and moving on to the most hard hitting insult.

Despite what you had thought he gave his reflection a satisfied nod.

Okay, what?

“Decent job, brat,” he complimented and yes you might have combusted that moment.

You turned back to the sink, a satisfied smile growing on your lips. Your stomach felt all fuzzy and warm at Levi’s praise.

You didn’t notice the captain approach, only noticing his presence when he was already leaning into your personal space, whispering a soft “Thank you.” into your ear. His hot breath fanned over sensitive skin and you froze in your movement.

To torture you or maybe he didn’t get enough fun out of the situation already, he then proceeded to plant a small kiss to the corner of your lips, missing just enough so it wouldn’t count as a real kiss, before retreating again.

He left the room as if nothing of importance had just happened, leaving you behind, frozen in your spot and heart hammering in your chest.

Levi was already gone when you were able to shake yourself out of the shock.

You carefully touched your cheek, the ghost of a sensation of soft lips against your warm skin still prominent. The memory of him lingering for just a second too long now fresh on your mind.

A huge grin split your face, the urge to jump on the bed and hug your pillow while giggling manically overcame you out of a sudden.

You really were acting like a smitten teenager.

#snk x reader #snk oneshot #levi ackerman x reader #levi ackerman oneshot #levi ackerman fluff #snk fluff #aot x reader #aot oneshots #aot fluff

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riversofmars · 2 years

Text

Songs Of Love - Day 15

Prompt: Fever Dream

Rating: Explicit

Summary: Helen is stung by an alien insect during an adventure. Despite the antidote the Doctor gives her, she runs a high fever. Liv does her best to look after her friend who is slowly getting delirious and hallucinates.

Fever Dream

Helen blinked, her vision hazy in the twilight of her bedroom. She wasn’t quite sure when they had returned from their most recent adventure or how she had gotten into bed. She had a vague recollection of being told to get rest and she had gotten changed into her pyjamas at least. Now, she pushed herself upright despite her limbs feeling incredibly heavy. There was a figure walking towards her, approaching the bed, and it seemed as though her brain was not working at full capacity as she took a good long while to realise it was Liv.

“You could have waited for me, I would have helped you out of your clothes,” the med-tech hummed with a smirk as she came to stand by the bottom of her bed.

“What?” Helen frowned as she couldn’t quite put the words together with her friend’s odd expression. She had never seen that look in her eyes before and she didn’t know what to make of it. The best description, despite her linguistic abilities, was ‘predatory’ and that was not a word she would have attributed to her best friend under any circumstances. It only served to twist up her hazy mind more.

“C’mon, Helen… let’s stop pretending, hm?” Liv retorted and gave a mocking sort of laugh, as if her statement had been a pathetic lie. She brought up her hands to the buttons of her shirt and started undoing them, one by one.

“I don’t know what-” Helen felt uneasy at the confusing turn of events and straightened herself up more, pushing herself to the headboard for support.

“Sure you do,” Liv hummed in response as she popped another button open, revealing the valley of her breast. “I’ve seen the way you look at me, those longing glances and the way you blush when I catch you. And that one time when we’d gotten caught in torrential rain and I took my clothes off in front of you…” Helen’s breath caught as she realised she had been found out. She had not been as inconspicuous as she had hoped to be. She hadn’t done it on purpose, she meant nothing by it, but there was a magnetism to Liv Chenka that she couldn’t deny.

“Liv-” Helen’s mouth went dry when the med-tech reached the last button and her shirt fell open.

“Yes, Helen?” Liv responded playfully and allowed the shirt to slide off her shoulders. She dropped it to the floor, then slowly circled around the bed, to the side, closer to Helen, prowling like a lioness sensing its prey’s fear. “Just tell me what you want, I can make all your dreams come true,” she dropped her voice as she climbed onto the bed. “I want to.”

“I-” The linguist was at a loss for words. Maybe she was dreaming! She couldn’t imagine her best friend being so forward, so demanding with her, and yet, maybe under the right circumstances she would be. Her thoughts were silenced as Liv reached her and wasted no time on pleasantries, she climbed on top of her and kissed her. It wasn’t a sweet, insecure kiss as Helen had imagined they might share the very first time. She had imagined it, she couldn’t very well deny it, but her expectations were surpassed as her friend’s lips were demanding. Helen groaned when Liv parted her lips with her tongue. Her hand grabbed hold of her jaw and she shifted her body weight atop of her, pushing her leg between her thighs.

“Have you ever slept with a woman before, Helen?” Liv whispered and pushed her jaw up so she would look at her, despite the self-consciousness and the haze that overcame her mind.

“No…” Helen breathed, her voice rough, as she fisted her hands into the sheets of her bed.

“Good, I was hoping I would be your first,” the med-tech hummed as delight flashed in her eyes. The linguist flushed red hot as her words touched on her thus far unspoken desires. “I’ve wanted you for such a long time.” Liv brushed her thumb over the linguist’s lips with a mischievous smile.

“You have?” Helen stuttered as her chest tightened at her words. Breathing was becoming more difficult, as was thinking.

“I lay awake at night thinking about you,” Liv hummed with a smirk as she moved forward with her leg pressing in between Helen’s. There was a tight pull in the linguist’s gut and her breath caught. Liv only smiled and brushed her thumb against her lips once more, before pressing forward, between her lips and inside her mouth. “I’d wonder what you taste like and be thinking about how much I want to hear you whimper,” she carried on hotly and Helen did just that. She whimpered at the unfamiliar feeling and did what she thought Liv would want: she brushed her tongue against her finger and Liv smiled, evidently pleased, before she continued: “I think about how much I want to hear you beg. How much I want to have my fingers inside you.” She released her chin and pulled her hand away and brought it down between her legs instead.

“Liv-” Helen launched a weak protest as she pushed inside her pyjama trousers. Her half-hearted objections came too late and she gasped. “Oh God!”

“Does that feel good? You’re so wet already,” Liv smirked against the shell of her ear as she started kissing down her throat. Helen grabbed on to her shoulder for support, tense and dizzy. “Relax, I’m not going to hurt you,” the med-tech promised and eased her back into the cushions.

“Liv-” Helen groaned at the unfamiliar but intoxicating feeling. She was making her head spin and the linguist squeezed her eyes shut.

“You’re running so hot…” Liv’s voice husked and it seemed to come from far away.

“I can’t help it-” Helen whimpered.

---

Liv didn’t like what she was seeing. She trusted the Doctor, of course she did, but between them, she was the medical doctor and she didn’t like the way Helen’s body convulsed under her fever spell. They had returned to the TARDIS just over an hour ago. Things hadn’t been so bad then. Helen had been in pain from the sting and the area around the puncture had been garish red and raised, but that was about it. The Doctor had been concerned, apparently that particular kind of alien wasp was rather dangerous but he had assured them he had a suitable antidote and wasted no time in administering it, despite Helen’s assurances that it really wasn’t so bad. After that, he had instructed her to go to bed, to rest, to expect some discomfort, fever, pain even, but in the end she would be alright.

Now, Liv wasn’t so sure and she rested her chin in her hands. She had come to check on Helen about ten minutes ago. She had been fast asleep as instructed but the sting on her arm had spread and looked worse than before. She was sweating, as she had broken out in a fever, and was twisting and turning in restless sleep. Every now and then, a whimper would escape her lips and the med-tech’s concern would grow. She had pulled up a chair then to her bedside, thinking it best to keep her under observation, just in case. In case the Doctor had got it wrong. In case the antidote wasn’t enough. In case Helen needed her.

“Liv-” Helen groaned and Liv startled with concern, she got up and perched on the side of the bed. She wasn’t sure whether the linguist was actually aware of her presence but she reached for her hand regardless.

“You’re running so hot,” she mumbled worriedly as her skin was hot to touch and she reached out for her forehead, sticky with sweat.

“I can’t help it…” the linguist mumbled drowsily, slowly coming out of the depths of sleep, and Liv cupped her cheek.

“We’ve got to get this fever down…” she said gently. While she didn’t have a medical scanner, she was sure she was easily forty degrees. She trusted that the Doctor knew what to do to help Helen survive the insect poison but she hadn’t expected things to get so bad before they got better.

“I think I’m going a bit delirious…” Helen sighed as she opened her eyes but it was as if she was seeing right through her. She didn’t seem able to focus at all. Another red flag for the med-tech.

“Not surprised,” she gave back softly. “If this fever doesn’t break soon, we have to do something, go to the medical bay or-” She was already running through options in her mind as she didn’t expect things to improve, not by the look of her.

“No, no, I’d rather just- stay here…” The linguist tried to wave her away but she could hardly raise her hand. “But you don’t have to stay, you can-”

“You don’t really think I’m going to leave you in this state, do you?” Liv argued immediately and tightened her grip on her hand. “I know the Doctor said the antidote would take a while to take effect but-”

“What happened?” The linguist blinked, confused, and Liv could tell she was about to drift off into delirium once more.

“You were stung, remember? When we were-” She broke off as she realised she wouldn’t be able to retain the information anyway. Instead she decided she couldn’t sit around any longer. “It doesn’t matter. I’m gonna get you some cold flannels.” She stood quickly and released her hand.

“Alright, just-” Helen mumbled.

“I’m going to take good care of you, Helen, trust me…” Liv reassured her and darted to the bathroom.

---

“I’m going to take good care of you, Helen, trust me…” Liv hummed against the shell of Helen’s ear and Helen clawed her nails into her shoulders. The feelings the med-tech was creating between her legs drowned out her other senses.

“Liv-” She gasped and pushed herself into her touch.

“I like to hear you whimper my name, I wonder if I can make you scream it too…” Liv growled as she groped her breast.

“Oh God-” The linguist felt as though her body was on fire. All her nerve endings were on edge and her mind was swimming in heat and euphoria. She couldn’t see clearly.

And then, there was pleasant cool on her forehead and neck and she blinked to find Liv above her once more.

“Helen, are you in pain?” She asked with concern and cupped her cheek, her hand pleasant and cold. “It’s okay-”

“I’m okay, just, keep going,” Helen didn’t know where her head was at but she knew what she wanted. She grasped the med-tech’s face and pulled her down for a renewed kiss.

“Helen-” Liv pulled away quickly, her eyes wide with shock, and Helen blinked, suddenly aware of the wet flannels on her forehead and around her neck.

“Oh God, I thought you were-” In a moment of clarity, the linguist panicked. Liv’s intervention had helped clear her mind and she felt a little better at the pleasant cooling sensation, but she also felt worse for knowing she had been hallucinating - or maybe dreaming. Liv hadn’t actually come on to her and now, she had made a grave mistake. “I’m sorry…” she slurred her words and tried to push herself up but Liv eased her back down gently.

“Maybe the… poison is a bit… Hallucinogenic too?” She offered with a half-smile but her discomfort was obvious from the way she avoided her eyes. She was blushing too, from what Helen could tell, and she felt terrible for having made her uncomfortable. She could only hope she would forgive her and not ask what tricks her mind had been playing on her.

“Liv, I don’t know what’s real and what’s not,” Helen felt tears pooling in her eyes and she grew dizzy once more. The effect of the cold compresses was already waning as they warmed quickly from her body heat. It was no use. She patted her hand around the bed, desperately in search for Liv.

“It’ll be alright, Helen, you’ll be fine,” the med-tech grasped her hand quickly and leaned above her once more. Helen only barely registered her pulling the flannel off her forehead and replacing it with her hand, assessing her fever, if it wasn’t obvious from her delirious state. She did, however, register how she swore under her breath and the linguist’s heart sank, as much as she was aware of anything right about now.

“No it won’t, be alright, I-” Her voice broke. She was beginning to feel very weak. She tried to squeeze her friend’s hand but she wasn’t sure whether she was doing anything at all. She could hardly make her out now.

“Shit. Helen, just hang on,” Liv’s voice seemed to be coming from far away now and her hand slipped from within Helen’s. “That’s it, I need to get your temperature down-” A jolt went through her body and she suddenly felt oddly weightless. There was a presence beside her, Liv was there, she could feel her breath against her cheek and hear the murmured pleas for her to hold on. The linguist was beginning to drift off, not just into deliriousness but the darkness of unconsciousness was beginning to circle her.

---

Fear made Liv stronger than she was and she found lifting Helen easier than she had anticipated. Unresponsive as she was, she was dead weight, but the med-tech managed to cradle her against her, her head resting against her shoulder. She could carry her well enough while she stayed like that.

There was no time to take her to the medical bay, she realised, she had to do something now to bring her temperature down. It wasn’t far to the bathroom and she held her tightly as she carried her.

“You’re gonna be okay, Helen, I promise,” she reassured her just as much as herself. “You just stay with me and hang in there. We’ll get you cooled down and then we get some more of the antidote. You will be fine!” She spoke the words with heartfelt determination. She wouldn’t entertain anything else.

Liv didn’t waste time as there was none to spare. Gently, she placed Helen in the bathtub, holding her up as best as she could and turned the water on.

Helen gasped and while Liv regretted giving her a shock, she knew it was necessary. She couldn’t allow her to lose consciousness. She adjusted the water so it wouldn’t be too cold but could help bring her temperature down quickly as it rained down on her. Helen couldn’t hold herself upright, skirting the edge of consciousness and sputtered under the stream of water. Liv quickly pulled her forward, held her up from the side of the tub as well as she could.

“Liv-” Helen whimpered, blinking through tears. Her eyes wouldn’t focus, even as Liv found her looking in her direction. She looked dreadful. She couldn’t hold herself up. She sobbed and patted, seemingly seeking Liv’s hand, trying to hold on to her. She was visibly scared, even in the haziness she was clearly in. Panic started sweeping through Liv. What if the Doctor had miscalculated? What if the antidote hadn’t been enough, what if-

“Liv, I’m scared-” Helen whispered, giving a weak squeeze of her hand that Liv could barely even feel.

“It’s okay, Helen, I’m right here,” the med-tech assured her but Helen hardly seemed to hear her as she slumped forward. “Oh fuck-” Liv acted in a split second as Helen’s hand slipped from hers. She scrambled upright and kicked off her shoes at least and pulled off her jumper but that was all the time she allowed herself. She clambered into the bathtub with her best friend, sat behind her and pulled her back against herself. Helen was shivering despite her high temperature and Liv sent a wordless prayer to forces she wasn’t sure existed. Surely the antidote would have to take effect soon. She wrapped her arms around Helen, cradled her head to her chest and stroked her hair back, unsure whether it was wet from the water or from sweat.

“Liv…” Helen murmured, heavy-lidded and exhausted. Liv doubted she would have opened her eyes properly if she’d tried. Her strength was needed elsewhere, fighting the poison inside her.

“It’ll be alright, Helen, I’ve got you, you’ll be fine,” the med-tech reassured her and kissed the side of her head. She held her tightly as she shook and whimpered and wished she could do more. She was a med-tech at the end of the day, a doctor, she felt like she should be able to.

Helen relaxed in her arms but didn’t go limp. She released a shaky breath and Liv put her hand, cold from water as it was, onto her friend’s forehead. She wasn’t sure whether she was making it up, but she felt a little cooler. The water seemed to be working. Liv was certainly beginning to feel the chill but she wasn’t the one radiating heat. Helen’s body warmed her.

“Thank you… for being here… with me,” the linguist mumbled and the med-tech took her ability to speak as a good sign. Soothingly, she ran her hand through her wet hair.

“There is nowhere I’d rather be,” she offered and it was true. Nothing and no-one would be able to persuade her to leave her.

“Nowhere you’d… rather be than… in a bathtub, soaked to the bone?” Helen whispered. Her words came slowly but more clearly than before. Liv held her close, reassured that the grip of her hand around hers felt a bit firmer too. It was working.

“You’re keeping me warm, you’re hot,” she gave back and the linguist gave a weak chuckle.

“I hope that was… meant as a… compliment.”

“Naturally,” Liv hummed softly and pressed a kiss to the back of her head to hide the blush that crept to her cheeks as she recalled the kiss they had shared earlier. She knew Helen hadn’t meant it, she had been hallucinating and she had no idea how kissing her could fit in with whatever she was dreaming but she couldn’t deny the effect it had had on her. It turned out the linguist was an excellent kisser, even when she was half-delirious. It left Liv imagining what the real thing might be like.

“Hm…” Helen simply hummed in her arms and the med-tech smiled:

“You’re beginning to sound a little better,” she observed, cautiously hopeful. Maybe her fever was about to break. Maybe the antidote was working after all.

“I’m not seeing dancing colours anymore, that helps,” the linguist confirmed. She raised her free hand of her own fruition now and brushed her wet hair from her face.

“You’re going to be okay, Helen,” Liv smiled and allowed herself to breathe a little easier. Things were going in the right direction. She leaned back against the tub and pulled Helen with her.

“I’m always okay when I’m with you,” the linguist answered softly and shifted, turned, twisted out of her arms. “Can I just…”

Liv was about to protest, trying her best not to let the disappointment overshadow her medical concern but it seemed she didn’t need to tell her to stay put. Helen turned in her arms, onto her side, and tucked up her legs as she rested her head on Liv’s chest once more. The med-tech looped her arms around her and held her close.

“You should stay in here a while longer, it’s helping bring your temperature down,” Liv explained softly and Helen nodded, visibly exhausted. Her eyes fell shut.

“I’m not going anywhere, I’m just-” She mumbled and Liv smiled:

“Getting comfortable?” She concluded.

“If you don’t mind…” Helen sighed and the med-tech gave a soft, affectionate chuckle.

“Of course not.” She ran her hand through her damp hair.

“Thank you-” Suddenly, Helen’s face contorted in a sob, painful and raw as tears burst out of her that she hadn’t been capable of before. The haze she had been in was slowly fading and where her emotions had been buried in exhaustion, they were now returned in full force.

“Oh Helen, it’s okay, I thought you were-” For a moment, Liv panicked once more. She thought she had been doing better but her unexpected outburst made her heart pick up speed. Quickly she grasped her face, made her look up, and scanned her expression with concern. “Does it hurt anywhere, are you-”

“No, I’m just… feeling a little fragile and-” Helen mumbled, embarrassed, but she couldn’t keep the tears at bay. “I was just realising that no-one has ever taken care of me the way you do-” Her voice broke and so did Liv’s heart. It hurt to think that her friend had never known this kind of comfort, someone willing and wanting to look after her. Liv couldn’t fathom it. To her, Helen was the most precious thing in the universe, caring for her came as natural as breathing.

“Oh Helen,” the med-tech whispered as she caressed her cheek. “Do you want to know why that is?” Her heart jumped into her throat as she considered what she was about to say. Maybe it was a mistake but now that Helen’s condition had become less serious, her mind returned to the kiss they had shared and how she had wasted the opportunity. Surely there had to be a reason for why she had kissed her, other than general confusion. Something had prompted her to do it and feeling brave and relieved with her gradual recovery, she was willing to take a gamble. If it didn’t pay off, they could at least call it even. They would ignore Helen’s kiss and Liv’s words and carry on. But if it paid off…

“Why?” The linguist asked softly and nuzzled into her chest.

“Because I love you,” the med-tech answered gently and brushed her cheek affectionately, hoping she wasn’t just making things up. Tensely she awaited her response and as Helen frowned, her heart sank. Maybe she was off base after all…

“And that’s you saying that and not another hallucination or-” The linguist’s voice was shaky, endearingly so, and Liv’s heart started beating a little faster.

“No, this is all me,” she answered honestly and the way Helen teared up once more told her everything she wanted and needed to know. Her heart was so full, joy swept her up as the realisation dawned on her - and seemingly on both of them - that they were feeling the same way. “And this is not a hallucination either…” Liv whispered and captured her lips in a tender kiss.

#doctor who #fanfiction #liv chenka #helen sinclair #femslash #liv x helen #hurt/comfort #fever dream #illness #hallucinations

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