#How to use the Rainbow Oscillator

[tiktaalic]

s1 dean: it's not gay to suck a dick or three or ten you're just making sure you're not gay

s2 dean: getting notes from my team that sometimes it is gay to suck a dick . i would like to formally announce that i never did that. and i never would.and also i'm masc. i'm masc. i'm literally masc.

s3 dean: too busy with dying to think about being gay i'm pretty sure.

s4 dean: really enjoying that cas is unaware of social norms so that dean can oscillate between preening when he teaches him how to be a man (+1 masculinity for being more of a man than cas +1 masculinity for being so much of a man that you can teach others how to do it) and. taking advantage of the no social norms thing to rationalize his OWN behavior with cas because he knows cas isn't going to call him on it not being normal which MAKES it normal because there is no one to refute that.

s5 dean: much of the same but there are now emotional stakes in play because they Are friends he is now Emotionally attached in a real way to this man he was engaging in one way gay chicken with.

s6 dean: mfw my brother tells me to be normal so i marry a woman. ratchets him all the way back to i have never liked a man and i never will.

s7 dean: very similar emotionally to endverse dean / s14 dean in my mind. kind of in the same place as s6 dean but crucially s6 dean was sad and wet and s7 dean is walled off and apathetic. attraction to men does not factor into his worldview.

s8 dean: he literally was in a foxhole with benny and got a spraytan and had a gay thing. this man begrudgingly puts one (1) rainbow ornament on his christmas tree after sending out christmas cards of him embracing another man while their gay ass dog sits at their feet. the sticking point HERE is "cas doesn't feel stuff like that".

s9 dean: We Cannot Get Into All That but. they literallyyyyyyyyy had to make cas sleep with a woman and get banished forever to sidestep The Implications. which are. dean winchester would fuck the gay angel given the FIRST opportunity. i'd probably fuck cas but my brother is dying so idrc about that rn. etc. this is a man who is conscious of his attraction to 1) men and 2) cas and WOULD act on it given the chance.

s10 dean: this is where it gets love triangle-y with crowley and cas. this is because dean DID fuck crowley and WANTS to fuck cas. textually. this is where he stands. moc dean has sex with men and doesnt care because hes normal. POST moc dean is like. the same sex attraction was a metaphor to show that i was evil and corrupted by the mark.

s11 dean: i'll be honest. i remember fuck all about season 11.

s12 dean: his mom is around which means he will not be out. this is also. iirc? where dabb gets his grubby little showrunning hands on things. which of course. means dabbification. which of COURSE. means destiel eating plain toast and raising a baby domestically. which. of course. translates to dean using cas as a girlfriend stand in. which. imo. is reflected in dean's mindset. like s12 dean is aware that cas is the most important person in his life, and he is not interested in deviating from that formula with a woman at all.

s13 dean: gay man realizing the love of his life is dead and he never said or did anything -> gay man whose love of his life comes back so he doesnt have to grapple with the consequences of never saying anything and they can jump back into pseudo relationship.

s14 dean: this is a gay man coparenting with a gay man and telling his father that he has a family. has accepted his fate as a life long ambiguous bachelor who lives with a man and sometimes sleeps in his bed nonsexually. very much dead inside staring down the barrel of throwing himself on a grenade does not have Time to push the boundaries of his relationship.

s15 dean: too many twists and turns to get into in the stinger of a post.

[literaryvein-reblogs]

Writing Notes: Metafiction

Metafiction - a self-conscious literary style in which the narrator or characters are aware that they are part of a work of fiction.

Often most closely associated with postmodern prose, it involves a departure from standard narrative conventions, in which a self-aware narrator infuses their perspective into the text to create a fictional work that comments on fiction.

This kind of fictional writing can appear in novels, short stories, plays, video games, film, and television.

Characteristics of Metafiction

Breaking the fourth wall: Breaking this boundary between writer and reader blurs the lines between real life and fiction. Metafiction often directly addresses the reader, openly questioning the narrator’s own story.

Self-reflexive: Authors use self-reflexivity, or self-consciousness, to reflect on their own artistic processes, drawing the audience’s attention away from the story and allowing them to question the content of the text itself.

Experimental: Metafiction is often experimental in nature, fusing a number of different techniques together to create an unconventional narrative. Metafiction can also experiment with the role of the narrator and their relationship to the fictional characters in the story.

The main purpose of metafiction is to highlight the dichotomy between the real world and the fictional world of a novel.

Metafiction can be used to parody literary genre conventions, subvert expectations, reveal truths, or offer a view of the human condition.

Often used in postmodernist fiction to comment on the world that our character inhabits, metafiction helps give a work of text more significance by providing an outward, exploratory look of a self-contained world.

Examples of Metafiction in Literature

The Canterbury Tales (1387): Geoffrey Chaucer’s classic anthology of interconnected stories that parody the conventional elements of fiction. Chaucer blends linguistic styles and rhetorical devices to craft a collection of stories within the overall story, regularly breaking the fourth wall to address the audience directly and apologize for any offense the narrative may cause.

Don Quixote (1605): Miguel de Cervantes Don Quixote is essentially a book about books. In the prologue, Cervantes breaks the fourth wall by commenting on his process of writing the book, in which he urges the reader to make up their own mind about the written text. The ensuing novel discusses the adventures of the protagonist, Don Quixote, who has gone mad from reading too many chivalric romance stories.

Giles Goat-Boy (1966): John Barth’s fourth novel is a prime example of the metafiction characteristic of postmodernism, featuring several fictional disclaimers in the beginning and end, arguing that the book was not written by the author and was instead given to the author on a tape or written by a computer.

The French Lieutenant's Woman (1969): Written by John Fowles, The French Lieutenant’s Woman is a historiographic metafiction novel about a love story between a gentleman and a governess in the Victorian era. The book features a narrator who becomes part of the story and offers several different ways to end the story.

Slaughterhouse Five (1969): In Slaughterhouse Five, Kurt Vonnegut includes his own voice as a character in this non-linear narrative. The main character has been “unstuck in time,” oscillating between the present and the past with no control over his movement, emphasizing the senseless nature of war.

Gravity’s Rainbow (1973): This story by Thomas Pynchon is the poster child of postmodern literature, using a complex, fragmented structure to cover various subjects such as culture, science, social science, profanity, and literary propriety. In this particular narrative, Pynchon questions history and how it gets created, and also how it affects both society and the individual.

Source ⚜ More: References ⚜ Writing Resources PDFs

[hannigramslesbianhusband]

Clocks and Metronomes in Hannibal

``Hannibal counted the beats of the metronome against those of the clock. They went in and out of phase``

?????? Clocks???! speaking of this, I found out something really cool. I was researching trying to find some kind of connection or UN-connection between clocks and metronomes and what they might mean here, and I found this very interesting journal, which references and builds off of some of Christiaan Huygens' discoveries and work.

Let's list out a couple of things:

Arguably, Hannibal's favorite book is Treatise of Light, by none other than Christiaan Huygens.

``Among Mr. Jakov’s books was a copy bound in leather of Christiaan Huyghens’ Treatise on Light, and Hannibal was fascinated with it, with following the movement of Huyghens’ mind, feeling him moving toward discovery. He associated the Treatise on Light with the glare of the snow and the rainbow distortions in the old windowpanes. The elegance of Huyghens’ thought was like the clean and simplified lines of winter, the structure under the leaves. A box opening with a click and inside, a principle that works every time. It was a dependable thrill, and he had been feeling it since he could read.``

I skimmed a bit of the book- and it does include an explanations of the calculations Hannibal used to determine the height of the towers in his castle- which he was doing before he read the book. Bro is a literal genius.

``Also in the year Hannibal was six, Count Lecter found his son determining the height of the castle towers by the length of their shadows, following instructions which he said came directly from Euclid himself. Count Lecter improved his tutors then—within six weeks arrived Mr. Jakov, a penniless scholar from Leipzig.``

The journal I previously mentioned is, in very simple terms, about how pendulums and clocks synchronize. We can very reliably assume Hannibal is a fan of Christiaan Huygens, it’s very possible he could later have read Horologium oscillatorium, where he discusses these discoveries. Unfortunately, I can not dig too deep into the original text because the only copy I could find is in Latin, and I really don’t want to translate all that. But I CAN use the information provided in the journal. It’s also reasonable to assume Hannibal would know a lot of the information presented in the journal, because although Christiaan Huygens’ books are from the 1600s, Hannibal is not, and discoveries have been made! Science has advanced! Yippee!

In the journal, It is stated that “Synchronization occurs in diverse physical, biological, and chemical systems. Examples include the synchronous flashing of fireflies, the chorusing of crickets, the rhythmic applause of concert audiences, the coordinated beating of cardiac pacemaker cells, the pathological neural synchrony associated with epileptic seizures, and the coherent voltage oscillations of superconducting Josephson junction arrays.”

It all sounds very artistic. It is beautiful and connected. Right up Hannibal's alley, for sure. But- whats that near the end?? “ the pathological neural synchrony associated with epileptic seizures”. Epileptic seizures. Let’s put that away for later. 

The synchronisation of pendulums (pendulum clocks, metronomes) placed on the same (wooden) surface even if started at antiphase will eventually become in phase with eachother BUT: synchonizing in phase causes the pendulums in the clocks to slow down, so they lose time (multiple seconds an hour) but- they way they synchronize is dependent on several things(mechanisms in the clock, length and thickness of the surface they're on,etc etc.) but basically- with a SMALL amount of damping (loss of energy in an oscillating system) the clocks with synchronize in phase, with a large amount of it they will be antiphase. clocks synchronizing in antiphase has been called sympathetic motion or the sympathy of clocks (not empathy). 

Synchronization in itself is a pretty artistic thing, beautiful and connected. It shows up everywhere- including something called neural synchrony. neural synchrony is basically when two people interact or communicate, their brain rythms/waves synchronize, couple, create matching patterns. You understand eachother. this is seen a lot more in romantic couples or people who are close together, child-parent relationships(especially as infants) and the such. Not usually seen in strangers. the brain to brain synchronization happens in the  temporal-parietal part of the brain. The way will makes himself think like killers- to the point sometimes he feels like he becomes them- is definitely neural synchrony. Why he can do that so easily with strangers, who may have never even met? Who knows; but at least we know all kills leave behind a part of the killer, a part of their psyche, and not always just a message.  Basically, Will's whole metronome thing is symbolic of him synchronizing mentally(and neurologically! Very cool) with the killers. This may have been way too much work for something that is a bit obvious, but it’s very interesting to unravel.

I’m not sure how I started with picking apart clocks and metronomes in relation to Hannibal (in the book), and ended up with a conclusion about Will (in the show), but I did! I can’t say much more on this for now as I haven’t finished the book, and Will has yet to show up. 

Now, that thing we put away for later.

Neural synchrony is also associated with epileptic seizures. Neuron firing tends to become synchronous/hypersynchronous in the middle of a seizure.

I wanted to go more into Will's encephalitis and seizures related to this- but those are only a thing in the TV show, so I cant connect it quite as well. I can share the things I did find out, though, so if anyone is interested to see that please let me know! But right now, I'm too researched out to put it all together, and that's mainly why I'm not including it here now. All in all- we all know Hannibal knows all that psychiatry stuff and is crazy smart and crazy insane, so here is a bit of the science of it and how it all loosely connects to the books. And, of course as someone who values beauty and art, he would become obsessed with Will upon seeing how effortlessly he can achieve that synchronicity with others- especially those who think similarly to him. Honorable mention to Eldon Stammets.

[elkement]

Cubed Oscillations - Awakening

Finally, I've created the high-resolution versions for my mini-series Cubed Oscillations: Rainbow-colored 3D Lissajous figures and their white 2D projections.

Looking at them again, I also give each one a name instead of calling it just Cubed Oscillations #1. This one is: Awakening.

Here is a cut-out at the original resolution - as I really like how the lines / tubes have turned out!

Created with JavaScript Code based on threejs, using tube geometries instead of plain lines. The original images are 6600x6600 pixels, scaled down to 1200x1200 for sharing. The details are 1000x1000 pixels at the original resolution. I had shared images directly created at 1200x1200 pixels in August.

Also available on INPRNT - as fine art print, sticker, poster, metal or acrylic print, mini-print, art card:

[davycoquette]

This one's from a collaborative writing post. The character is the "you" in #coyotebackstabby.

Never before had a man belonged so much to a place, a sound, a smell, an atmosphere, as Shiloh Kitson in that shabby dive bar. The atmosphere was Lonesomeness. It hung in the gauzy nicotine air, coruscated in the slick of grease on the bar. It fizzled Van Zant flavored out of the jukebox and painted shadows under sleepy eyes.

He smacked of an afterthought, the stranger pushing the door open: seasonable red flannel over a black shirt, Dick Palmer’s Old West Gun Room rounding a logo of wing-emblazoned pistols on the front of it. Worn out Levi’s from the thrift store. Work boots loose-laced, leather ‘n soles stained with every color of dirt the continental US could offer. Nantahala on the front of his trucker hat, half his face in its shadow, his blondish hair curling from underneath it.

He favored the hand that pushed the door, let all the pressure fall on his bony wrist. Tape around two fingers hid A-S on the knuckles; the pointer and pinky still read F and T. Bruises splotched his face, too, and angry splits recently shut by butterfly stitches. It was all fading, now, though; long past pain, beneath notice. All the watercolors belonged to a place and time that stretched far away behind him — farther even, it seemed, than the place where he picked up the carton of Pall Malls wedged in his back pocket.

Every other seat at the counter was taken, the patrons spaced respectfully apart even at that place reserved for a bar’s loneliest clientele. At the farthest end a man dozed with his chin on his collarbone, his cigarette-jaundiced beard bunching fleecy curls underneath his head like a cushion made from old poodle hide. His soft snoring drowned in staticky rock riffs and the clattering of bottles. On the counter beside him, a metal desk fan oscillated, clicking at the apex of every stretch before jerking back toward the center. The curled edges of printer paper stapled to wood panels fluttered then stilled.

Behind the barkeep a soccer game played out on a mounted television. Half the picture was blanched by a mysterious patch with rainbow edges. An announcer’s voice droned in and out of focus, on audible to those who listened for it.

Opposite the sleeper sat a woman past middle age, her hair a chaotic pile of frizz and curls in champagne yellow. Shadow gathered in the creases of her slow-blinking eyelids as she methodically nursed her second cocktail. Her purse occupied the barstool next to her, slouched open, combs and wallet and a dozen or so crinkled receipts on full display.

— And there were others! But Shiloh moved single-mindedly to the bar and took his place in between two other patrons. He looked shy, like an out-of-towner who never should have left his hometown holler. Like he was uncomfortable in the “big city,” like he dreamed of country roads and familiarity and a little lady back home. It didn’t seem as though he looked at his neighbors at all, but kept his head down and his periphery shadowed by the bill of his hat, and he sat and folded his tattooed hands on the bar in front of him.

But this was how he always played it.

When the barkeep paused in front of him, the corner of his mouth hooked coyly, then relaxed. His eyes lifted for a moment, then he bowed his head again.

“The Pilsner." He tilted his hand in the direction of the beer tap. The dreamily twitched almost-smile again as the barkeep moved wordlessly away, and Shiloh said, “Thank you,” to the back of him.

[fngyn317565]

The Silent Calculus of Steel: How Finger Joints Outsmart Physics

Beneath the roar of crossing trucks and rushing commuters, an intricate metal ballet unfolds. Finger expansion joints - those unassuming steel sentinels - perform differential equations in real time. As someone who's calibrated these systems from Dubai's scorching skyscrapers to Antarctica's research stations, I can attest: their genius lies in controlled paradox.

Consider this: A 1,200-foot concrete bridge in Montreal contracts 9.3 inches during polar vortex events. Left unchecked, such movement could snap reinforcement bars like licorice sticks. Yet through interlocking steel "fingers", we channel chaos into precision. The secret? Mimicking nature's own solutions.

Evolutionary biology meets materials science here. Much like armadillo plates sliding over each other, these joints employ:  

- Multi-axis rotation bearings (patented 2018, US#10345672B2)  

- Sacrificial wear plates with 550 Brinell hardness  

- Hydrophobic elastomers rejecting 97% water ingress  

Remember Minneapolis' 35W bridge collapse? While primarily a design flaw, it highlighted what happens when thermal dynamics override structural logic. Post-2007, our team developed stochastic modeling tools predicting joint failure probabilities with 89.6% accuracy – a quantum leap from the 60% industry standard.  

But here's where art intrudes on engineering. Installing these systems demands Shakespearean balance:  

To slide or not to slide? That is the oscillation.

Excessive movement allowance breeds instability; too little invites stress fractures. The sweet spot? Typically 0.15% of span length, though coastal installations require 0.18% for salt-induced creep compensation.  

Emerging technologies are rewriting rules. MIT's 2024 metamaterial prototype eliminates traditional finger geometry entirely, using auxetic structures that widen when stretched. Early tests show 300% fatigue life improvement – though at quintuple the cost. Practical? Perhaps for Mars colonies.  

Next-gen challenges loom. Climate change induces thermal whiplash – 50°F daily swings now plague Chicago's infrastructure. Our solution? Phase-change materials absorbing 380 kJ/m�� during temperature spikes. Initial installations on Tokyo's Rainbow Bridge reduced joint wear by 42% last summer.  

So when you next traverse a bridge, pause. Feel the faint tremor beneath your feet – not weakness, but engineered resilience. Those steel fingers are negotiating with physics itself, converting raw energy into graceful accommodation. In our battle against entropy, they're humanity's unsung diplomats.  

[celestial-blade]

Long conversations

Pairing: Adaline and Jed

wc: 487 (you would think it would be longer huh)

notes: heavily inspired by my fiancé, the yappiest man to ever live /pos /heart eyes. because I could not make up some of the things he says

Jediah had told her before that he was talkative around the right people. He’d said it like a warning, in the same breath as explaining his parents and heritage within piracy. Like it was a kind of curse that eventually would afflict anyone close by. He thought Adaline only smiled as optimistically as she had because she hoped it wouldn’t be as bad as he said, but he knew otherwise. It was always as bad as he said, and they never stuck around for long.

Adaline had started to see it come out in little bursts, mostly about the things he was passionate about, and knew a lot about. And mostly in classes, where it was appropriate, or when the topic came up naturally. He’d had a few sleep deprived evenings where he’d started talking about something incredibly random, and Adaline would enjoy entertaining the conversation until he shut himself up. Yet each time, she hoped he’d just talk a little longer. That she’d get the side of him that would talk for literal hours, so he knew he could.

One particular night, they sat up on one of the roofs near his place, the barrier over the Isle oscillating in rainbow film, but not enough to block out the stars completely. They’d sat in silence until Jediah started talking.

“You know, my eyes see colours differently?”

“What?” Adaline instinctively responded.

“Yeah. There’s a bit of a difference between my left eye and my right eye,” Jediah explained while Adaline was still processing exactly what he meant. “Like when I look just through my left,” he squinted his right eye closed, “it’s a little warmer than if I look through my right.” Adaline did the same, but it wasn’t at all different for her. The colours all looked the same. “It was one of the reasons I thought I was an alien as a kid. I thought I was looking into different dimensions.”

“I’m actually jealous,” Adaline told him honestly. “I’d spend so much time seeing the difference between things. I’d love there to be a difference.”

“It is kind of cool,” Jed smiled. “I used to spend hours daydreaming, that if I just looked out of my left eye, it was a different dimension and I wasn’t really here anymore.”

Her heart broke a little at hearing it, and she stayed quiet. She knew about his upbringing already, and when he said these little things that reminded her of how he’d brought himself up, she figured it was best not to make a big deal out of it.

Jed didn’t say a lot else that evening. He was still testing the waters to what Adaline would and wouldn’t accept, pushing the threshold of how long he could talk before she tried to get him to stop. Everyone did eventually. But Adaline hadn’t yet, and that in itself made him trust her a little more that night.

[schooleducationalinstrument]

What Types of Equipment Are Found in a Physics Kit?

A Physics Kit is a valuable resource by which learners and instructors can investigate laws of physics using practical activities. These kits are very carefully planned in order to contain devices that enable learners to grasp concepts like motion, energy, electricity, and magnetism. Learning institutions and everyone seeking to purchase the kit must ensure they select the most appropriate one. A well-reputed Physics Kit manufacturers and suppliers in India compile different kits to fulfill various academic requirements. Made of quality materials and with carefully assembled tools, these kits allow learners to make the connection between theory and functional application. In this blog, we mentioned the types of equipment found in physics kits.

Types of Equipment Found in a Physics Kit

Spring Balance

A spring balance is used in many mechanics experiments as it provides a determination of the force acting on an object. It shows force and extension of a spring as per Hooke’s law, of course, standard drafts represent force. They can use it to learn about weight, tension, and applied forces which in return they understand more about Newton's laws of motion. For instance, they can use it to determine the force needed in moving objects up the incline or ramps for example, and relating the force with the mass.

Stopwatch

A stopwatch is useful for activities that need precise control of time like; measuring the rolling speed of an object, or the pendulum oscillation. Time tracking allows the students to determine velocity, acceleration, and reaction rates in physical classes and practical exercises. The time factor is accurately managed with a stopwatch assisting learners in identifying relationships of temporal variables in dynamic systems.

Glass Prism

Glass Prism is a fundamental element of optical analysis and the glass prism is the most common prism. It shows how it bends and how it breaks up light into its colors or components. Through this experiment, concepts dealing with light behavior, in general, are well understood by the students due to the splitting of the white light into rainbow colors. This tool is also utilized in wave experiments, relating physics concepts with applications such as lenses, optical instruments, etc.

Electromagnet and Iron Filing 

Its advantage includes the use of electromagnets together with iron filling to create magnetic field lines. In experiments with electromagnetism, for example, how electric current influences magnetic fields this equipment is useful. In these activities, students learn how electromagnets are used in such applications as electric motors, generators, and magnetic storage facilities.

Pendulum Apparatus

In particular, the pendulum apparatus is used to investigate the harmonic motion and the effect of gravitation. Students determine properties such as the period for a certain task by studying its oscillation pattern at intervals. It is especially helpful in experiments which are energy saving experiments and sway force experiments.

Multimeter

A multimeter is used to measure voltage, current and resistances therefore plays a crucial role in electrical circuit experiments. It permits a student to learn electrical properties and easily confirm theoretical calculations in practical exercises.

According to Wikipedia, A multimeter is an instrument designed for measuring several characteristics of electrical circuits. In general, a multimeter can measure voltage, resistance, and current, in other words, it can be used as a voltmeter, ohmmeter, and ammeter.

Inclined Plane

Using an inclined plane, the student is able to appreciate mechanisms concepts such as work done, energy, and friction. It enables students to determine the required effort to be applied in order to seek objects along a slope to appreciate forces.

Lenses and Mirrors

Reflectors lenses and mirrors influence the students on matters to do with reflection, refraction, and image formulation. They are very useful in the studies of vision, cameras, and telescopes basics.

Why choose School Lab Instrument?

The School Lab Instrument is a top Physics Kit manufacturer and supplier in India with the best Physics Kits for educational instruments in India. School Lab Instrument kits are manufactured to guarantee correct results and long-term use. As a result of its emphasis on innovation and customer service, the company provides flexible settings to meet the requirements of the academic process. Moreover, customer support of School Lab Instrument is excellent, and fast delivery also has made the School Lab Instrument one of the most reliable partners among educators all over the world.

Conclusion

A Physics Kit properly organized is an important aid for the learning process as it provides the students with the physical prerequisites for carrying out experiments that support the studied concepts. When it comes to teaching and learning, these kits are valuable due to their ability to demonstrate concepts as diverse as motion and energy, optics, and electromagnetism. Selecting a reliable Physics Kit manufacturer and supplier in India, School Lab Instrument offers excellence and worth. Equip your students with adequate tools to make them perform high in physics coming with complete appealing kits to encourage innovation.

[hospitalterrorizer]

diary471

1/9-10/24

thursday - friday

okay...

i have been up for over 24 hours just to make sure my sleep goes back to normal because i was out so late with my friends. which is good and stuff but i also hate how it messes with my sleep, and this means tomorrow when my gf goes to the dentist tomorrow, i will go with her mom to the grocery store to get things we need. this is good. i didn't read at all today i was kind of like, lost basically, i cleaned up and things as usual, i didn't draw, but out of nowhere i did a lot with music, i made 2 new guitar sounds i really like... that makes me super happy, i fixed one too, and now things don't feel so stressful with music. it turns out that the bass cab simulators in the th-u overloud thing, 2 of them have an option to bring in a lot of high end/tweeter range, which is crazy, i was looking for something that did that specifically!! now i have the high end i always look for in a more natural way!!!! this is such a relief with the stuff i want to do, it makes my life so much easier...

oh, here's me from yesterday:

i know this is a bunch of #spam but i don't know when i'm going to be dressed up again. maybe tomorrow apparently we're going to hotpot but idk... i don't need to. i should dress casually for that, especially since there will be grocery shopping.

re: the music today there's like 4 new songs / ideas. 1 is basically fully fleshed out, drums and everything, it has 2 basses going at the same time, i was listening to black eyes, and i wanted to try and get something like the bass sound they get.

i've talked about it before, but i love this song so much, and basically nothing else on the record gets close... frustrating!! it's a constant inspiration though, that frustration. it's insane how perfect this song is.

today was big for music, i listened to a couple albums i really loved, i listened to the new holy grinder, which was great fucked up noisecore grind stuff:

and then there was a record by this band infant, the record's called giant leg, that one felt revelatory, super creative with how they do the guitars and synths and everything... it's so colorful and freakish, rainbow-puke type stuff:

i like the three vocalists across this record. this is goofy of me, but when bands from the uk do this type of stuff, i'm apprehensive, i think mostly because all the whitebelt/faggy stuff i know / its history tends to be in america, i guess i'm like, it won't be as good, idk. there's some stuff, like this band punish the atom, they sort of veer that direction but don't go all the way. these 3 go insane on it, though. take this song for instance too:

the guy here sounds demented!! i also really love the freaky ring mod bitcrushed guitar, and how all these songs have synth bass instead of bass guitar, the key parts are so cool, make me think of some bands like post office gals and stuff, even the locust a bit in places, especially when they're doing freaky stuff to the filters and seeming to get things to self oscillate in wonky ways. interesting how unknown this record seems to be, it's like crack for people like me, and there's at least... 10 of us... the bits where they use drum machine kicks too, it's so crazy, what's the best way to describe the effect, a website where all the unicode's spitting out nonsense text, an improperly installed language pack, bit-rotted images, a heart attack at the carnival, bleeding on a cactus, the red and green together and the orange sands, a kind of hideous smear of color, the pink skin, the sky a massive canopy for a constant circus. laughter an emanation of the impossibility of thinking the present, stuff kind of jumping forth from the past, to the future, so overwhelming it expresses how the immediate has always passed away before it could be captured, everything swimming away or towards you. shimmering under the flash of a camera and iridescence in unlikely places.

helpful to say things like that, when trying to reflect on the little blanchot introduction i'd been reading yesterday... though failed to read today because i am stupid!!!

but other stuff in music today, i was looking at this band i like on discogs, dmonstrations, to see if there's anything else by them i missed out on, and i got to looking at the guitarist/vocalist of the band's page since he also did all the cover art, and i think the cover art and layout stuff is super special for that band:

so i find out he's from japan, has since moved back, started another band, dmonstrations were originally based in san diego, which is a classique white belt spawning zone, and the other band, 2up, is really good too, his guitar playing is really cool to me, he moves between really interesting phrases, stuff that's straightforwardly punk-y, and then more no-wave-y dissonant freakout stuff, always figuring out how to turn these things into riffs, the communicative/grammatical process in the way he plays/writes songs, idk, it's very fascinating.

there's gestures here that feel really hardcore-y, in how he plays, like at around 20 seconds here, but then the slide stuff he does, weird chords, and then the tone of the guitar, so shambolic and freaky, you're able to hear the strings and the texture of the strings really well i think. i also really like that it's a duo with just guitar and drums, recalls pink and brown to me, another band like this, where the guitar was free to play around with all kinds of movements, a kind of semantic rot.

oh, here's a video of dmonstrations i found, to show my friend, i like that the bassist is wearing what looks like a head wound city shirt, and an aside, but what was the deal with fox rox, whose idea was that, what a stupid and strange thing, was that broadcasted to the people who watch fox news or was it a local deal??? how bizarre, i remember seeing a video of the locust on there and then this really awkward interview they did where the guy asks them about punk rock elvis or something and them i think puking on him? or pissing? something like that, anyhow:

anyhow this brings me back to the main guy here, tetsunori tawaraya, on his site, i found a bunch of posters he made for shows, which is crazy how good he's been at archiving all that, here's some i really liked, super duper interesting kind of art, it sort of links up with how i was describing that album giant leg, as well, a kind of artistic expression of that meeting of the limit, occupying the gulf where there is only intensity and excess of shadow, where sensations of what has passed/ what you know not now but have the feeling you will have known (returning to a quote of blanchot (something about knowing's impossibility, the feeling that you will have known, because of the eternal return, the appearance of difference, a difference one can sense, the difficulty of articulation, i think it gets at, and then there it gets at the necessity of writing and its difference/insubordination to speech)), anyway, these kinds of violent visions that, or the way they feel, their kind of silly nature speaking more to me the carnival of kristeva over anything purely cartoonish:

here is his site with a lot of other stuff to look at as well:

he has a lot of his art up, it's really really lovely to see, he seems like a really fascinating guy, i also love how 2up seems to have kept going for a long time in a rather stable way, though i haven't seen anything of them since 2022, which is sad. but maybe long term projects like that are, rather than things that end, something that are so routine you end up feeling like you can take a break from them? and at that level of familiarity, it makes sense, to take breaks.

and here's something else i listened to today:

some fun screamy nintendocore. i really like how the snare sounds here, sometimes snares + kicks sound not so good in nintendocore but this guy really gets those sounds right, plus he has a fun scream, a little more in the mark mccoy vein.

i think maybe there were other things i wanted to say but i'm too tired, it's 11:30, this is a long time to have been awake. i hardly feel bad though, maybe it'll hit me tomorrow. maybe i wanted to talk about some dolls i saw on flickr the other day... i'll post them tomorrow... maybe i'll do some posts on the tl for them too... idk. i should also read and stuff after hotpot. it'll be my first time with hot pot, i'm excited. i mostly want vegetables... and spicy.

now i really am sleepy, if i stayed up 30 more minutes this entry would touch 3 days of my life... wouldn't that be disturbing.

so,

byebye!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[spacenutspod]

5 min readPreparations for Next Moonwalk Simulations Underway (and Underwater) Some of the same properties of light and optics that make the sky blue and cause rainbows can also help scientists unlock mysteries about cloud formation and the effects of tiny particles in our air. NASA’s upcoming PACE mission will offer important insights on airborne particles of sea salt, smoke, human-made pollutants, and dust – collectively called aerosols – by observing how they interact with light. With PACE data, scientists will provide better answers to key questions such as how aerosols affect cloud formation or how ice clouds and liquid clouds differ. Understanding the nature of airborne particles and clouds is crucial to deciphering how climate and air quality are changing. Two instruments on NASA’s upcoming PACE mission will look at aerosols and clouds – the A and C in the name of the Plankton, Aerosol, Cloud, ocean Ecosystem satellite. After launch in early 2024, the PACE mission will scan the Earth and gather data on the chemical composition, movement, and interaction of aerosols and clouds through the use of two cutting-edge polarimeters – instruments that measure light properties. Credit: NASA’s Goddard Space Flight CenterDownload this video in HD formats from NASA Goddard’s Scientific Visualization Studio: https://svs.gsfc.nasa.gov/14454/ There are characteristics of light that we can see with our eyes, such as color. Other characteristics are invisible to the human eye, like what scientists call polarization. “Polarization is something that we don’t have an intuitive sense for because our eyes don’t see it,” said Kirk Knobelspiesse, polarimetry lead for the PACE mission at NASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center in Greenbelt, Maryland. “If you saw the world through eyes that could see polarization, like our sensors can, you would see rainbows everywhere.”   Light leaving the Sun moves in all different directions like a wave – this is called unpolarized light, said Brian Cairns, deputy project scientist for PACE. When it interacts with something like a cloud or an aerosol particle, however, light can oscillate more in one direction than the others: It is now polarized light. This quirk of light behavior can help scientists learn more about the characteristics and interactions of aerosols and water droplets in the sky. Polarimeters measure the angle at which the light is polarized, which reveals specific characteristics of whatever the light had bounced off of. With these instruments, scientists can piece together the size, composition, abundance, and other traits of the particles in the atmosphere.  An example of a cloud bow, taken late on a winter afternoon in Santa Cruz, California. The cloud in this case was light coastal fog, so this could also be referred to as a fog bow. In the scene, the sun was positioned low in the sky directly behind the viewer so that backscattered light is observed. While this observation geometry is rare from the surface of the earth, it will be common for PACE/HARP2.NASA/Kirk Knobelspiesse The two polarimeters on PACE – HARP2 and SPEXone – make a great pair because of the complementary differences in what they measure. HARP2, built at the University of Maryland, Baltimore County, will observe four wavelengths of light from up to 60 different angles. SPEXone, built at the Netherlands Institute for Space Research (SRON) and Airbus Netherlands B.V., will peer down at a narrower swath, using five viewing angles but looking at light at hyperspectral resolution – the full range of colors in a rainbow. Together the polarimeters will offer a picture of Earth’s atmosphere in unprecedented detail. Scientists have been observing aerosols from space for decades, though the community has not had polarimetry data for a decade, noted Otto Hasekamp, senior scientist at SRON. PACE will provide polarimeter data from multiple vantage points and, due to technological advancements in the instruments, the data will be of better quality than ever before. “It’s exciting to see the culmination of working actively on instrument models and prototypes,” said Jeroen Rietjens, instrument scientist at SRON, “then finally seeing it end up on a real satellite.” Jeroen Rietjens in Goddard cleanroom with PACE. “Very proud to be in the Goddard cleanroom and to pose with the fully assembled and tested PACE satellite, which hosts our small SPEXone instrument. The instrument is neatly wrapped in grey thermal blankets and still has the red radiator cover in place. It is surreal to realize that In a few months it will be staring at the Earth and collecting multi-angle spectro-polarimetric data that will enable scientists to infer the amount and type of aerosols in the Earth atmosphere and contribute to a better understanding of the effects of aerosols on climate,” said Rietjens.NASA/Denny Henry After PACE is launched in early 2024, the satellite will scan Earth every two days, gathering immense quantities of data on the chemical composition, movement, and interaction of aerosols and clouds. “We want to measure properties of aerosols because aerosols affect climate,” said Hasekamp. They reflect light back into space and can also absorb it, which plays a role in how much of the Sun’s energy reaches Earth’s surface. Aerosols also affect cloud formation and properties, but the details of these relationships are not fully known to scientists. The data PACE collects will help to clarify some of these unknowns. The new polarimetry data will also offer real-time insights on air pollution. “PACE measurements will not only answer fundamental science questions, but will also improve people’s quality of life,” said Marcela Loría-Salazar, assistant professor at the School of Meteorology at the University of Oklahoma and PACE early adopter. The PACE Early Adopters program promotes the integration of PACE data into practical applications of science. Loría-Salazar is particularly interested in how aerosols change over time and with location, with an extra emphasis on the altitude of aerosols over the middle of the United States. There, PACE will allow scientists to identify aerosols, while also deciphering what they mean for air quality. The measurements from PACE’s polarimeters will also help improve our understanding of Earth’s climate. By adding PACE atmospheric data to models, scientists will be able to replace the estimates now used to fill data gaps in those models with data from current measurements. “I’m hoping to help gather the data that will reduce model uncertainty and help us make better predictions for how we expect our climate to play out in the next decades and centuries,” Knobelspiesse said. By Erica McNameeNASA’s Goddard Space Flight Center, Greenbelt, Md. Share Details Last Updated Dec 12, 2023 EditorErica McNameeContactErica McNameeerica.s.mcnamee@nasa.govLocationGoddard Space Flight Center Related TermsEarthGoddard Space Flight CenterPACE (Plankton, Aerosol, Cloud, Ocean Ecosystem) Explore More 5 min read NASA Sensor Produces First Global Maps of Surface Minerals in Arid Regions Article 1 day ago 5 min read NASA’s MAVEN Observes the Disappearing Solar Wind Article 1 day ago 6 min read NASA’s Webb Stuns With New High-Definition Look at Exploded Star Article 2 days ago

[livelectures2]

75+ Innovative Science Fair Project Ideas

High School

High school science fairs are a playground of scientific exploration, offering students a chance to delve into their interests, sharpen critical thinking, and showcase their creativity. Whether your passion lies in biology, chemistry, physics, or any other scientific field, there's a treasure trove of thrilling projects awaiting you. In this blog, we present over 75 science fair project ideas perfectly suited for high school students. These ideas encompass a wide spectrum of topics, from environmental science to robotics, promising to ignite your scientific curiosity.

Biology Projects

Investigate how different fertilizers affect plant growth.

Analyze water quality to understand the impact of pollution on aquatic ecosystems.

Conduct a biological survey to explore local biodiversity.

Observe ant behavior and their responses to various stimuli.

Examine the influence of caffeine on bean plant growth.

Uncover the genetics behind eye color within your family.

Correlate different types of music with heart rate changes.

Study the effects of food additives on mold growth on bread.

Test the efficacy of natural mosquito repellents.

Gauge the relationship between exercise and mental health by tracking mood fluctuations.

Chemistry Projects

Delve into the chemistry of bread baking.

Investigate how temperature affects the rate of chemical reactions.

Explore the pH levels of different bottled water brands.

Examine the corrosion tendencies of various metals.

Unearth the chemistry of natural dyes and their applications in textiles.

Scrutinize the environmental impact of household cleaners.

Decode the chemistry behind colorful fireworks.

Conduct chemical tests to reveal nutritional content in various foods.

Explore the science behind fermentation in food production.

Assess different sunscreens' effectiveness against UV radiation.

Physics Projects

Construct a simple electric generator to grasp its principles.

Study the correlation between pendulum length and its oscillation period.

Dive into the physics of roller coasters and create a mini version.

Analyze factors influencing projectile trajectory.

Investigate the properties and behavior of various magnets.

Harness the principles of electromagnetism to build an electromagnetic crane.

Explore light behavior using prisms and its rainbow-creating magic.

Get hands-on with sound waves, and build a musical instrument.

Scrutinize the science of friction on different surfaces.

Investigate buoyancy by designing and testing various boat shapes.

Environmental Science Projects

Examine the detrimental impact of plastic pollution on marine ecosystems.

Experiment with different water filtration methods to assess their efficacy.

Gauge local air quality and its implications for public health.

Investigate the consequences of deforestation on local ecosystems.

Monitor algae growth under varying nutrient conditions in water.

Investigate the relationship between weather patterns and bird migration.

Explore the effects of climate change on local plant or animal species.

Assess the impact of urbanization on wildlife habitats.

Analyze energy-saving methods for homes.

Study urban gardens' growth factors and their community impact.

Earth Science Projects

Unearth the formation of rocks and minerals, dissecting their unique characteristics.

Investigate how earthquakes impact buildings and structures.

Analyze soil composition in diverse locations.

Study erosion processes and their effects on landscapes.

Create a model illustrating the water cycle's intricate dance.

Dive into volcano formation and eruptions.

Explore the science of tsunamis and devise a warning system.

Investigate tectonic plate movements and their influence on continents.

Analyze soil properties and composition across various types.

Explore the formation and characteristics of different cloud types.

Astronomy and Space Projects

Unravel the life cycles and classification of stars.

Examine the consequences of light pollution on stargazing.

Investigate the moon's phases and their influence on tides.

Analyze the properties and behavior of asteroids and comets.

Explore the orbital dance of planets within our solar system.

Dive into the mysteries of black holes and their gravitational pull.

Speculate on the possibility of extraterrestrial life within our solar system.

Study the unique properties of galaxies across the universe.

Analyze star spectra to unveil their hidden compositions.

Contemplate Einstein's theory of relativity and its time dilation concept.

Computer Science and Technology Projects

Develop a mobile app or game, focusing on user-friendly interface design.

Investigate how different programming languages affect computer program performance.

Explore the intricacies of cryptography and encryption techniques.

Engineer a basic robot and program it for specific tasks.

Scrutinize various password protection methods' security.

Examine the efficiency of different search algorithms.

Study artificial intelligence and machine learning principles.

Create a website or web application to address real-world issues.

Dive into technology's impact on privacy and data security.

Investigate the art of 3D printing and its diverse applications.

Social Science Projects

Conduct a survey to delve into a current social issue, analyzing the collected data.

Explore the influence of social media on mental health and self-esteem.

Investigate the factors shaping voting behavior within your community.

Analyze child development influenced by different parenting styles.

Document the history and impact of a significant local event.

Conclusion

The world of high school science fair projects is brimming with excitement and possibilities. Whether you're drawn to biology, chemistry, physics, environmental science, earth science, astronomy, computer science, or social science, there's a project idea waiting to captivate your scientific curiosity.

Remember, the secret to a successful science fair project is genuine curiosity and a passion for your chosen topic. Select a subject that ignites your enthusiasm, plan your experiment meticulously, and relish the journey of discovery. Science fairs offer not only an opportunity to expand your knowledge of the world but also a chance to share your findings with peers and mentors, making it a profoundly rewarding experience.

So, choose a project that sparks your imagination, gather your materials, and embark on a scientific journey that might shape your understanding of the world and potentially contribute to solving real-world challenges. Best of luck with your high school science fair project!

[saintobio]

sincerely not. (3)

↳ gojou satoru/reader

with an arranged marriage set in place, the sacred bond is doomed with a wife who wants to make the relationship work and a husband who’s ready to ruin it all. unbeknown to him, a tragic fate already lies within the pages of his romance book.

genre. heavy angst, unrequited love, arranged marriage, modern au, 18+

tags/warnings. profanity, sexual harassment (not from gojo), neglect, virginity loss, fellatio, fingering, explicit smut, implied infidelity

notes. this is so fucking long (8k words) but painful idek why i keep hurting myself with angst

series masterlist -> episode four

Never in your life did you feel this much excitement about going out of the country. Countless times have you traveled across the globe with your family and friends, but the thought of being alone with your husband was a new experience that brought soft tickles to your delicate heart.

Honeymoon, they called it. A romantic vacation spent together by newlyweds to celebrate the beginning of their union. You had always dreamed of spending your first few days as a wife by visiting a beautiful country with your husband, and Iceland was certainly the perfect destination for your sweet getaway.

“Why Iceland?” you wondered, an arm looped around Satoru as the two of you walked inside the plane’s First Class suite.

You could see his arctic lashes fluttering slowly behind his dark sunglasses. He was visibly drowsy after having woken up at 4 AM just to catch your flight. Despite the mop of messy white hair, he was still looking very attractive in your eyes. “Felt like it,” he mumbled a quick response while finding his designated seat listlessly. “We should’ve flied private.”

Those things didn’t matter much to you, but as a wife of an influential businessman, you felt that it was important to note how Satoru preferred flying private than getting on commercial flights even when he was in First Class. “Oh, I could’ve asked my dad for the PJ—”

“We have our own private jet,” he cut off to clarify, “My father’s just using it for the weekend.”

Being with Satoru was black and white. He was plainly unpredictable and you assumed that even the most accurate fortune teller wouldn’t be able to read such a man with an oscillating mood. Most of the time, he was short-tempered, but there were times where his hostility would lessen to indifference. The fact that he even went out of his way to plan a trip with you was a great sign that he was also trying to make this marriage work. That even though he wasn’t in love to do all of this with you, he was willing to test the waters. For your sake? Probably not. For his, maybe. Or for your families’ contentment, most definitely.

“Okay. Well, I’m wearing the sweater that you got me,” you cheerfully presented the Chanel sweater that he purchased for you the other day as you settled on your spacious seat.

On the other hand, not once did Satoru even bother to check you out. All he did was to withdraw his phone out of his pocket, typing intently as if he was more interested at whoever he was texting than looking at his wife. It’s morning and he’s grumpy, you made an excuse for him in your head before you sank back into your seat with a soundless sigh. His mood can still change.

The air conditioner started to get warmer only when the flight attendants ushered more passengers into their sections. As you looked outside of the window, you saw Satoru’s stony face from the reflection and realized that the source of coldness inside the plane wasn’t exactly from the morning weather, but from your own spouse.

Regardless, you tried not to let it ruin your mood. One of the traits that you had taken after your mom was your optimistic, happy-go-lucky attitude, thinking that there would always be a rainbow after the storm because you believed that even the littlest things deserve to be appreciated. So even if Satoru was a little difficult to deal with, he was here and that was enough for you.

Throughout the flight, the amount of conversations you’ve had with your husband was close to minimal because he was either sleeping or watching movies to kill time. You, on your own side, decided to flip through the pages of a travel magazine that coincidentally showed the best tourist spots in Iceland. Famous for its hot springs, geysers, and active volcanoes—your heart jumped at the thought of swimming in the Blue Lagoon and sightseeing the aurora borealis with your husband.

Based on the photos alone, you were already mesmerized by what the place had to offer. It was called the ‘Land of Fire and Ice’ which was ironically what you and your husband seemed to be. As two contrasting beings unified in marriage, you were beginning to fall into your hopeless romantic dreams the moment you looked forward to this trip. It may look like you were a teenager dreaming about honeymooning with the love of your life, but it was truly supposed to be one of the most exciting parts of marriage. Notwithstanding the fact that it was only forced between you and Satoru, his best friend was right when he said that the early stages of marriage were the best.

It truly was, or should be, but remembering the words that your husband uttered that night once again made you feel that reoccurring squeeze in your chest. “You and I will never work,” you recalled his exact words. Your duty as a wife was to obey your husband and yet, your plan was to defy him by proving to him that the two of you could work.

After a twelve-hour flight and another two-hour trip to the most luxurious hotel in the Blue Lagoon, you were beyond speechless at how Iceland had far exceeded the expectations you’ve had based on the brochure. The photos were incomparable to the actual view that it offered and it had easily surpassed your top five list of must-visits. You could definitely write a whole travel article about your experience, but you would save the thought for another day because all of your sweet time was to be dedicated to your husband.

You could say that jet lag hit him straight in the face, worse than it ever affected you because he had fallen too languid to rave about a place that he claimed to have visited before. It didn’t really surprise you when the first thing he did upon arriving at your hotel room was to plunge face flat on top of your king-sized bed.

“Can’t wait to swim on the lagoon with you later.” You raked your fingers through his white hair as you joined him in bed, watching his lids flickering from the slightest movements. His shoulders were quite broad and his back muscles were one of his sexiest features, but you couldn’t exactly show your appreciation because he wasn’t even conscious to hear them. “Satoru?”

His response was a groan, swatting your arm away from him while muttering, “Let me rest.”

And so you did. You had been patient that you did.

For the next few hours, you were welcomed by complete silence within the chic architectural design of your presidential suite. You could go on and on about how luxurious the room was, but going at the balcony and gaping at the immaculate landscape view of the geothermal seawater was what made the costly room worth every penny. Mist diffused from the lagoon and crawled onto the surface to bring some warmth in a place that resembled winter wonderland. There was no doubt why the place was considered one of the wonders of the world.

Unfortunately, the other wonder of your world was still in bed, torpid as ever and clearly unwilling to get up. He chose to stay idle even after all the hours that he spent sleeping. You would have stayed with him, but your eagerness to walk around brought you to the decision that maybe you could just enjoy it alone.

Satoru remained listless even after seeing you in your robe, unaware that what you had underneath it was the sexy swimsuit which was his most recent purchase. You waited for him to get up far too long until you had grown impatient, and before you knew it, you were already heading out of the room by yourself. “I’m going for a dip,” you announced, pouting inwardly as you tightened the robe around your body.

There was not even a reply garnered from him and nothing could steal his heavy fixation on his phone. You were fine with him not being as outwardly enthusiastic for the trip, but it was unacceptable for him to just neglect you to do things on your own. You were supposed to visit all these places together and actually spend time to help ease the tension that you already had as a couple. The trip was meant to put you two closer to improve your bond and learn more about each other as husband and wife. How could you do all this when Satoru time and time again had remarkably decided to place minimal effort for you? Just when you were hoping to see a sunshine rising up on your marriage, why did it have to be casted with a stretch of grey clouds again?

This was not how you wanted to spend your honeymoon.

The water was warm when you climbed down on the famous Blue Lagoon, submerging yourself little by little and feeling the hot water hugging every inch of your skin. The fetor of sulfur had your nose flaring as you adjusted from the mephitic vapors, but you got used to the smell after a minute or two of swimming further into the stretch of saltwater. You were absolutely enchanted at how the water mimicked the color of milk with a sky blue undertone that turned the whole lagoon into a giant bowl of vanilla ice. Enriched by algae, silica, and minerals, the seawater was surrounded by a russet lava field that marvelously gave the lagoon an appearance that was literally out of this world.

As customary, you ought to take a bath before dipping yourself into the hot spring because the water could dry up your hair without proper conditioning. It was close to dusk, but the area was still full of visiting tourists who all enthused about the exquisite lagoon that Iceland was renowned for.

The sight was indeed forever embedded into your memories and you wished that Gojou was here to see it all with you, because when you swam further towards the center of the lagoon, you were not expecting that a man would latch onto your waist, his breath reeking of alcohol. “Hey, darlin’,” he disgustingly whispered on your ear, “Need some company?”

You tried to push him away with your increasing heartbeat. “Don’t touch me, please!” And as difficult as it already was, the dark-haired man grinned while pulling you by your hips. “Stop! Get. Off. Me—!”

“Why? Don’t you wanna have fun?” Gross. He was revolting to look at and you were about to slap his face until someone interjected.

“She said get off her, you creep!” It was a woman with a bun of red hair and a silver nose piercing. Thin but dark eyebrows were raised questioningly as she glared at the man. “Leave!”

She forcefully splashed some water directly on the man’s face, then seized the opportunity to steal you from him and save you from further harassment. If only Satoru was here, this never would’ve happened. No man would be brave enough to touch you with the presence of your husband, but the same husband had chosen to stay behind instead of spending time with you. The thought of it sent a heavy pang on your chest, so real that you had to clutch the woman’s arm as you took deep breaths to ease the tightness that surrounded your heart. The thumping rhythm was accelerating at an unusually faster pace and you were becoming vertiginous from it.

“Oh my God. Are you okay?” the girl worriedly asked, rubbing your back for some comfort.

Breathe, Y/N. Breathe. You didn’t know what was happening and it took you a few minutes to recover until you were able to speak again, “I’m... I’m fine. Thanks for helping me out.”

Did you just have an anxiety attack? But the pain that you felt in your chest was strangely different.

“Okay. I’m Alexis, by the way,” she introduced, offering a hand that you immediately shook. “You can call me Alex.”

“Y/N,” your voice was breathy, still you tried to gather yourself back up as you followed her trail while being half submerged. Alex seemed like a tough girl based on her piercings and tattoos, something like a 90’s punk girl you believed resembled her the most. “You look really cool.”

Contrary to her exterior, her smile was very warm and amiable. She was able to make you feel comfortable at swimming together. “Thanks. You look... feminine, I’d say.” She grinned at you in between. “Not a bad thing, though! You look modest and I like that. Very classy.”

You weren’t trying to fish compliments but it was truly nice to hear some every now and then. Because Satoru wasn’t around, you might as well make friends and have fun on your own. “Thank you.” With your reply, you also took a 360-turn around the place to see a nearby bridge and an in-water mask station. “Oh, do you wanna try that?”

Alex, despite being a complete stranger, was showing her friendliness in the best way. You admired people who could be bubbly even around those they barely knew because you have always grown to be soft-spoken and reserved. At eight years old, you remembered Satoru even calling you a little lamb for your demure traits and you saw this as a good thing. Some people were just born to be more outspoken and confident like him or Alex, while some were just like you.

For the next hour that passed, you spent your time talking to her while putting on the white volcanic clay that they handed you over at the station. You learned that Alex was from the US and that she came to Iceland with her brother and his girlfriend so she was the so-called ‘third-wheel’. You didn’t want to admit it to her, but you ended up saying that you were actually with your husband for your honeymoon and her reaction was what any sane person would say, “No way?” she gasped with green doe eyes. “He should be here with you so these perverts would leave you alone.”

“He’s pretty jet-lagged,” you reasoned, swiveling from the bar stool underwater as the stars finally appeared from the dark skies. “I think I’ll try to go see the Northern Lights with him tomorrow night. It’s so romantic.”

Alex mirrored your smile. “Very. I guess I’ll see you there, too.”

Gojou was stepping out of the bathroom just in time when you walked back into your suite. He was in his boxers, messing with his ivory hair as he traded glances with you. Each time those diamond eyes landed on you, your vision would simply blur out the rest of the world because he was your focal point. He was the cynosure of your full attention as if your only role as his partner was to support him with all and everything that he wanted. He must be aware of just how submissive of a wife you were willing to be and, for the most part, he hated you for it.

“Hey, I took a swim,” you keenly informed, sitting at the edge of your bed in your white robe. You didn’t know if it was the perfect time to tell him about the incident with the man at the lagoon but hesitation lingered at the back of your throat as you suspected that Satoru wouldn’t really care.

He didn’t even bother to greet you and instead brought up another topic out of nowhere as he walked towards the polished bedside table. “I saw that app thing on your phone that tracks your period,” he shared, towering over you before placing a half-empty glass of whiskey atop the oak table. “It says you’re most fertile for the next two weeks.”

Oh... You weren’t even aware, but more importantly, was he planning to...?

“Let’s just get it over with,” his proposal was followed with a weary sigh, “they want a baby and they’re gonna keep nagging about it.”

It was insane how the thought of it had your heart trapped at a frenzied state. The tips of your fingers were hot as you secured your robe into your chest, looking up at him with docile eyes to seek even a little bit of sincerity in his face. “Are you saying that we should... have sex?”

Stupid fucking question. You wanted to chastise yourself for sounding unbelievably dumb. What else do married couples do on their honeymoon? You couldn’t exactly blame yourself for thinking that he wouldn’t want to be intimate because he had been nothing but cold so far, but the fact that he was trying, the fact that he wanted to do it, the fact that he wanted a baby—you’ve suddenly lost all the sulkiness you had towards him this morning. The bitterness was gone like a puff of smoke that disappeared into thin air.

In spite of that, you weren’t quite prepared and you probably looked like a damp kitty which might not exactly be appealing enough for a man who had high standards. After all, he did say that you weren’t interesting to look at.

“I’m saying we should make a baby,” he clarified, gazing down at you in nonchalance that later turned to impatience. The way he spoke those words sounded like an obligation. “You wanna do it or not?”

You were quick to nod before he could take it back, but uncertainty laced your voice for another good reason. “I do. I wanna do it with you. Making a baby is part of our union, but I...” By avoiding his eyes, he could have sensed what you mean. “I’m just not...”

“Are you a virgin?” It was hard to discern how he felt about it but there was an amalgam of amusement, intrigue, and surprise that danced in his cerulean eyes. “So, you’re the type of girl who waits ‘til marriage and all that?”

Yes, you simply had no experience.

Heat permeated your cheeks as you hinted the mockery in his tone. You wished that he didn’t shame for you being chaste and instead, appreciated the fact that you saved your purity for someone that you were actually married to. “It doesn’t matter. We’re married now.”

He tilted his head, following the upward curve on the corner of his lips. “Have you ever sucked dick before? Ever been fingered?”

God. You still weren’t used to him being openly vulgar and you didn’t have a handbook that guided you with knowing how to act in such an awkward situation. “No, you have all my firsts.”

In bed, at least. You have always been too sheltered because your dad was very conservative—always telling you to dress like an appropriate woman, always telling your previous flings to take you home by eight in the evening. Having protective parents led you to grew up with an innocent mind. You’ve done tongue kissing at most but always chickened out whenever anyone got too particularly touchy because anything concerning sex made you nervous.

Gojou, in great contrast, seemed to have had many experiences to boast about. He was a man with raging hormones and was attractive enough to have women throwing themselves at him during his time as a bachelor. It was simply innate for a man like Satoru Gojou to be a ladies’ man with his good looks and charming personality. Not to mention his adroitness and amazing body.

“Fuck, I’m not even hard enough to do this,” he groused, slowly peeling your robe regardless of your reluctance. “Let me see.”

You were panicking inside, restraining your breath and swallowing hard as he rid you off your robe to reveal a body that was barely covered by a light blue bikini. “I-I don’t... I don’t know where to start. Please guide me… with everything.”

Even from a distance, you noticed how Satoru’s pupils have dilated. The azure orbs were overwhelmed by his dark irises as his eyes trailed down on your bust to your hips. He probably didn’t want you to see him losing his composure because he later cleared his throat and grabbed your hand. “Start by touching me,” he ordered, the muscles on his forearm were flexing as he placed your hand on his crotch. You sure didn’t miss how he murmured that ‘virgins were always boring in bed’.

You couldn’t believe that you were doing this in the first place. You never expected that you would find yourself palming his growing bulge with your eyes fixated on his, waiting for his approving remarks to guide you of what you were doing. He wasn’t fully hard, but you managed to trace the outline of his shaft from behind his boxers while you did your utmost best to pleasure him with your hand. “Like this?” you softly asked, feeling him growing harder and harder the more you touched him.

“Yeah,” he hummed, grabbing the gold-rimmed glass from the table and chugging the rest of the hard liquor from it. “Get on your knees.”

“H-Huh?” Your movements came to an abrupt stop as you fluttered your lashes up at him. With the lack of answer, he pulled you up only to have you kneeling in bed like an obedient bunny. All you had to do was to watch how he positioned his crotch directly on your face. Right, you realized where this was going.

And he didn’t even sugarcoat it. “Suck me off,” he commanded, lowering the bands of his boxers to release the aching manhood that had now hardened into full erection. You haven’t seen enough of that in your life to even compare him to anyone, but good lord was he huge. He was absolutely proportionate to his size, with a girth that matched his length perfectly, and a throbbing pink tip that he soon touched with his thumb. It was a good thing that you didn’t gape at his cock or else he would have ridiculed you nonstop about it. What you did, rather, was to wrap your palm around his shaft and pump your fist on him while you waited for further instructions. “Open your mouth.”

You noticed that his hostility was hidden because he was overflowing with sexual intoxication. Thinking of how you were the cause of his arousal made you squeeze your legs together, vigorously pumping his shaft and placing your tongue on his head. You might be a virgin, but you’ve seen pornographic materials for educational purposes before and you were aware of how they would swirl their tongue around a man’s tip, kissing the head sloppily before allowing the whole shaft into their mouths. Before you were stuffed full, you could taste saltiness on his skin, but it was nothing as unpleasant as you initially expected. His smell wasn’t musky either and you got the message that Satoru cared about his hygiene very well.

“You sure you haven’t done this before?” he quipped, reaching to untie the knot on your bra as you tried to suck more of him in your mouth. “Tighten your mouth. Don’t use teeth.”

“Mhm.” You avoided looking up at him because it was embarrassing to have him gazing down at you while you were bobbing your head on his cock. You were far too focused on following a rhythm that could please him the most until you’ve forgotten why your hands were on your lap. Where are your hands supposed to be?

While you were busy doing a clumsy attempt at a blowjob, he managed to untie your bra and freed your breasts from the tightness of the garment. It was during that moment when you released him from your mouth with a string of saliva connecting his cock to your lips. He could sense how conscious you were at being naked, but he also seemed like he didn’t want to keep stalling things further.

The next thing you knew, he was pushing your back on the mattress and hovering on top of you as he hurriedly hoisted your hips to tug your underwear down. “I can just rip this thing off,” he gritted, pulling the swimsuit out of your ankles and spreading your legs wide. “Give me your hand.”

You have never been this intimate with anyone before and he was the first man to ever see you all bare and unclothed. That fact alone was what you would blame for the sudden loss of oxygen in your lungs.

Nervous. You were goddamn nervous. You couldn’t think straight as you gave him your hand and instinctively closed your legs. Gojou saw through your sheepishness, but didn’t hesitate at manhandling your legs into a V so he could stare at your entrance. “Satoru—!” Shit. This was so embarrassing. “Can we... Can we at least turn off the lampshade?”

“No need to be shy. You’re all waxed for me, huh?” Once again, you were ignored when he placed your hand into your folds and orchestrated circular motions on your clit with his guide. The ministrations earned your dulcet moans, toes curling as your fingers went to spread your lips for him to see the exact hole that he was going to penetrate in less than a minute. “Finger yourself,” he directed, “I’m gonna fuck you in a bit.”

With hot cheeks burning your flesh and flames igniting your veins, you stammered at not knowing how to proceed, “How do I—”

“Just put a finger in,” he said in rising irritation.

You dampened your lips with your tongue as you allowed your shaky fingers to do a few more circular strokes on your entrance before you finally had the guts to sink your middle finger inside. “S-Satoru.” You didn’t know why his name escaped your lips, but he carefully watched how discomfort painted your face from the finger that was buried in your cunt. The feeling it had on your finger was warm, wet, and rubbery but you were in pain the more you tried to slide your finger in and out. “I... You should’ve... taken a night swim with me.”

He scoffed at your attempt to distract him by making a conversation. As he pressed his knees against the mattress, you saw how he ejected spit on his cock before jerking himself off at the sight of you. Why did he spit? You had no clue, but you could no longer continue fingering yourself. You just didn’t know how to do it right. “Did I tell you to stop?” he questioned, “You’re a damn spoiled princess expecting me to do everything else for you.”

“Satoru—!” Two of his fingers slowly entered your core, stretching your tight walls while you were clamping the sheets with pursed lips. “Nnn—you’re too deep!”

The way he rolled his eyes pricked at your heart. He was too focused on scissoring his fingers while your mewls got louder, holding onto his arm as he started increasing the speed of his digits in your cunt. His slender fingers were curled inside of your cavern as if he was checking just how tight you were. “So tight,” he mumbled, withdrawing his now slick-coated fingers and wiping them on the sheets. “You’re ready. I’m going in.”

When you dreamed of your first time, you imagined that your spouse would look at your face with love while gently burying his shaft into you. In your head, you pictured out doing it with your one true love, surrounded by scented candles with rose petals scattered in bed, having him whispering sweet nothings into your ear. You thought of being wrapped around his arms as he trailed his tongue along your neck, later meeting your lips with a wanton kiss. A kiss that was affectionate, gentle, yet fervid enough for the heated lovemaking. The whole scene played out beautifully in your head because you had the most romantic vision for your intimate night with your husband.

But reality slapped you hard and woke you up from your daydream. All of those didn’t happen on your first time.

Everything about this was purely for formality.

You didn’t expect that your tears would fall when he began planting the tip of his thick cock in your wet core. Not because it hurt, but because you just wanted to see affection in his eyes. You hoped for him to want this intimacy the same way you did. His arm was propped on the mattress while his other hand positioned his manhood between your plump folds, smearing his precum on your labia by grinding his swollen head on your pussy before entering back in. “Nng! I-It hurts!”

“It’ll fade.” He watched himself disappearing deeper into your cunt, allowing you time time to adjust as he buried more of his length at a slow motion, letting you soak in the foreign feeling of being stretched open. Your husband ripped your hymen by penetrating your walls with his cock. There were traces of blood that stained his length to signal the loss of your virginity and the gain of his ego boost for being the first man to ever wreck you open. “Stop crying now. I’m already trying not to make it hurt as much.”

“I—I’m,” you sobbed in silence, chest heaving because of the tears that pooled your eyes. You didn’t even realize that you had your nails buried on his back as he made you take his cock fully. He was just so big. He was so deep that you could feel the thin hairs on the base of his cock and the firmness of his bollocks colliding on your slit and on your bum respectively. As painful as it was, it felt right. There were no second thoughts, no guilt, no worries—just the raw pleasure of exchanging love and devotion through physical intimacy with a man that you shared sacred vows with. You realized that you might have finally adjusted to his size when he started to move again and you were no longer feeling pain, but an unfamiliar burst of ecstasy each time he was reaching a certain part inside of you. “R-Right there. Yes.”

How could something feel so physically good yet so painful in the heart?

Satoru didn’t plan to make this romantic nor did he think of absorbing every moment of it like you did. His mere intention out of this was to get you pregnant so none of his and your fathers would say anything further once a baby was conceived. By then, he realized that he would no longer have to prove himself because he had given you a child and that was enough. You both knew that you needed to produce an heir to keep your familial ties stronger.

For him, there was no need to be sappy about sex. To you, however, every second with Satoru was sentimental. Every thrust he did into you—deep enough until the entirety of his pelvis was slamming against your moistened pussy, you were nothing but a whimpering mess. You may have dissolved into pleasure, submitted to the shockwaves of your midnight rhapsody, but sadness glazed your eyes when you realized that Gojou was detached.

Ironic to your connected bodies, his mind was flying elsewhere and his parted lips were whispering incoherent words that you couldn’t exactly discern because you were having sensory overload from having sex for the first time. “Fuck,” was the only cuss word that you’ve clearly heard him grunt before he lowered his face on the crook of your neck to ram his cock at a faster pace. At that point, the chest-to-chest only made you arch your back more until you could feel his heart vibrating against your bosom. “I’m gonna stuff you full with my cum, yeah?”

Why couldn’t he look at your eyes? Why couldn’t he moan out your name, tell you that you were beautiful, praise you for doing a good job? Why couldn’t he intertwine his fingers on yours, kissing you in between thrusts, and breathing your existence in this supposedly divine moment?

Why couldn’t he appreciate you?

The tears that cascaded from your eyes were no longer from the pain of losing your virginity, but of the agony of realizing how Satoru Gojou couldn’t even make love to you.

“Satoru,” you begged through ragged breaths, desperately holding onto his shoulders to pull him down with lachrymose eyes that produced more tears. It wasn’t the sex that hurt, it was the lack of connection that you badly yearned for. “K-Kiss me, please.”

You didn’t care whether you sounded pathetic to him. You wanted to feel his lips and have them locked around yours just to satisfy your lonely heart despite his presence above you. Whether or not it was guilt, Satoru’s eyes glinted of momentary pity until he did envelope his lips around yours. Encasing your mouth with a rough, tight kiss that had you gasping for air within his supple lips. You wanted more, but you were limited to just that short-lived kiss before he pushed your face to the side and hooked your legs under his toned arms.

The heat from the previous skin-to-skin was replaced by cold air as your husband sat up and held your hips close to his crotch. His lean yet muscular chest glistened with sweat, but you could barely see with tears blurring your vision. All the more, each slam garnered your titillating scream, breasts wildly bouncing from his rough movements. Your hand gripped the sheets as your back arched from the combination of pain and pleasure. “S-Satoru—Aah!”

“Fuck. Fuck,” he hoarsely cussed, then releasing warm explosions inside your vagina and coating your walls with thick ropes of cum before he pulled out to see his jizz seeping out of your hole because he shot enough semen to fill your core. With a guttural sigh, he added, “That should do it.”

So this is how sex feels like.

You were too swallowed by your stupor to respond, staring blankly at the ceiling while catching the breath that you’ve lost. He, on the other, left you in bed with hasty footsteps that led to the bathroom.

“Satoru?” you weakly and mindlessly called, still dazed but forced yourself up nonetheless. You even had to brush the tangled hair out of your face. “Where are you go—”

“Cleaning up,” he said, but only meant of doing it for himself. “Go to sleep. Don’t wait on me.”

Gen was right when she told you that the first time would leave your body sore.

However, you could say that you might be a little more sore than she ever was when she first loss her virginity. Your sister was a tad bit rebellious than you, often sneaking out of the mansion late at night to go see her boyfriends, most times not following your mom and dad’s strict dress codes when it came to formal events. She had a belly piercing and a tattoo on her lower back—pretty much the tougher daughter compared to you.

Before the trip to Iceland, she told you that you just had to prepare for the special night because it would be an experience that would remain your most vivid memories as a married woman.

As the sunlight passed through the window that morning, you peered at the sight of your half-naked husband standing at the balcony with a phone on his ear and a hand on the railing.

“You saw the picture? It’s pretty, right? I’ll take you here someday.”

You squinted your eyes and gently rubbed the lids before you sheathed your body with the sheets, moving to the side of the bed until the soles of your feet landed on the fuzzy carpet. Even when his back was facing you, he must have heard you shifting from bed because he was quickly transitioning into a rigid stance.

“Sera, I’ll call you later.”

Your legs were as good as jellies by the time you got up and walked towards him. Surprisingly, the feeling down there wasn’t painfully sore but there was still some discomfort between your thighs when you took small steps to hug your husband from behind. “Morning,” you greeted, planting a kiss on his back.

“Hey.” While peeling your hands off, he turned around to look down at you. You wished that he stayed in bed to cuddle because you looked forward to morning-afters but you were contented enough that he wasn’t being unnecessarily mean. “What are your plans today?”

You noticed how he said ‘your’ instead of ‘our’ and corrected him for it, “You mean our plans? Can we go to the Retreat Spa today?” Your excitement was going through the roof as you continued. “They provide Lava Scrubs and I heard they offer really great massage so we can just relax.”

“Fine.” He ran his fingers through his chalky hair before he walked past you and made his way to the closet. “Bring your phone with you. You haven’t taken pictures for everyone to see.”

The day was a bit better than when you first arrived in Iceland because Gojou was now accompanying you to the places that you wanted to go. His deal was to keep you company as long as you would take photos to post on your social media, which by personal decision you were going to do either way. After having a sumptuous lunch at the buffet, you spent the rest of your afternoon relaxing with your husband by doing lava scrubs and getting full-body massages. He wasn’t fond of having deep conversations but you figured that he would casually talk to you about anything related to his line of work whether it was about the stock market or their plans to expand their business for Asian commerce, it was nice to learn what topic sparked your husband’s interest the most.

He didn’t ask much about you, but you were fine with it because your life wasn’t as interesting as his in the first place. Some people may think that you lived a bland purposeless life with not many colorful stories to tell, but little did they know, you had a few exciting experiences, too. They weren’t as extreme as what your husband may have had, but they were still memories that you loved reminiscing about. Unfortunately, Satoru wasn’t all keen to listen about what you had to share. He knew just enough from your childhood and didn’t bother hearing how different things had been for you when your reached your teenage years.

When twilight came, your last proposal for today’s itinerary was to go see the aurora borealis with Satoru. He insisted that it was a waste of time because the lights didn’t show up consistently, but you argued that he probably just wasn’t lucky when he last visited. Coincidentally, just when you and your husband came to eat dinner at a high-end restaurant, you managed to have found Alex entering the same establishment.

Like the genial person she was, she approached you with high energy much to the confusion of the white-haired man beside you. You had to introduce the two with a brief description but Alex already took it on her own will to interview your husband.

“So, you guys are like rich rich?” Her green eyes expanded at the information about you and Gojou being the heir and heiress to your families’ respective companies. “Your wife is so humble that I didn’t know she’s a multi-millionaire.”

You chuckled, leaning your head on Satoru’s shoulder while looking at Alex from across the table. He was very casual around the girl, answering her in his normally frivolous nature that you could rarely see when you two were alone. At least, he seemed to be smiling more around other people and you loved seeing it.

“You need to check on your wife more, though. Don’t let her go around alone,” she advised with kind intentions just as you were drinking from your glass of wine. “Some creep tried to get close to her last time. He wouldn’t stop touching her until I came.”

If only you could spit your drink out. You weren’t exactly planning to tell Satoru about it, but now that it was laid out in front of you, you were nervous to hear his reaction. What would he do? There was a visible crease between his eyebrows.

“You got harassed?” he asked, watching your emotions intently. You responded with a small nod but didn’t hear him say much in return. What he did was to look back at Alexis with a hardened face as he spoke, “Tell me how he looks like.”

The red-haired girl shrugged. “Dark hair, tall nose, adequately handsome face if only he wasn’t such a pervert. Very Eurocentric features, by the way.”

Was Gojou starting to care? He could be acting for all you knew.

Though you made an effort to touch his hand under the table, squeezing it below yours before interlacing your fingers together. That was how you noticed that the gold band was missing from his finger. “Satoru,” you spoke softly while Alexis was busy talking to a waitress, “Where’s your wedding ring?”

“Left it.” The apathy in his tone punched you squarely on the gut. Oh, God. You can’t do this right now. You couldn’t possibly ruin this night with a searing heartache. “Does it matter to you that much if I wear that stupid ring?”

“Of course!” It almost sounded like a furious reply when it flew out of your mouth. You didn’t want to make a scene nor did you want to escalate it into another full-blown argument but bottling your feelings would only make things worse. Still, you chose that option because it was for the best. “Forget it, it’s fine.”

You could hear his scoff. “You say it like—”

“Hey, Alexis,” you called for her attention and chose to ignore Gojou. “I think my husband isn’t feeling well so he might just stay behind, but we can still go see the Northern Lights later if you like.”

She turned to you after talking to the waitress. “Oh, really? Sure,” she glanced at Satoru and then back at you, “but I mean, it’d be romantic for you two if you saw it together, you know?”

Romantic. You were painfully laughing in your head. If you were honest to yourself, you were the only one trying since this trip begun. Despite the sex that you willingly had with him last night, Satoru was still all but romantic.

“No, I think we’re good. He can stay,” you answered, never daring to see the rage simmering inside Gojou.

It shouldn’t surprise you when Satoru did stay behind, spitefully so, and let you head off to the nearby area by yourself—an area that offered the perfect sightseeing for the stretch of gradient neon green lights. All your resentment had momentarily left your body as soon as you and Alexis finally arrived the spot after a laborious trudge and your mouth had fallen agape at the wondrous sight.

The Northern Lights truthfully exceeded your list of the most beautiful sights you’ve ever seen in person. The curtains of colored lights that decorated the caliginous skies made your eyes grow wide in awe. It was no question why such a natural phenomenon brought millions of tourists every year because there was nothing more astounding than to witness the vivid patterns that the naked eye wouldn’t normally see in other parts of the world. The dancing bright lights was a stream of green glow that reminded you of what glow-in-the-dark stickers looked like in a dark room. Except, this was not artificial but a true Earth’s spectacle.

You forgot about the fact that you were actually freezing your ass off because the temperature dropped to a significant amount that night and you forgot to bring your sweater.

“Wow! This is crazy.” Alex gaped at the fascinating visual of the aurora borealis while taking a 360 turn to thoroughly bask herself at the beauty of it.

You fished your phone out from your pocket and quickly tried to capture a few photos of the skies until a hand suddenly snatched the gadget away. Based from the familiar scent alone, you saw Gojou looking at you with an indiscernible expression. He wasn’t as angry nor was he happy. It was a median between the two, but strangely, what made him come all the way here?

“Satoru,” you uttered his name in surprise. “What are you—”

He cut you off by lazily tossing your sweater, allowing you to easily catch the garment on your chest. “You left that. It’s cold.”

So, he has some sort of care, too?

In appreciation, you immediately put on your sweater just in time when he raised the phone over your head to take a quick selfie of him kissing your cheek with the view of the Northern Lights above you. You were paralyzed before you could react and he was fast to clarify his actions, “For the photos. Post that.”

All for show, just as you believed.

Placing your phone back in your pockets, you gave your last attempt at being sweet by wrapping your arms around his torso. “Thanks for coming,” you told him with a smile. Even if I was a little petty back there, you wanted to add but had chosen not to. You were still upset about the ring but being in a push-pull situation with Satoru wasn’t new.

Instead of pushing you away, he rejected you with his sharp words. “I didn’t come here for you,” was his reason, bright blue eyes searching for the patch of green lights.

If you say so.

You loved being here, nonetheless. With you being a hopeless romantic, having your husband to sightsee one of the most beautiful wonders in the world should have elicited bliss that sent you to seventh heaven. Everything was rocky when it came to you and him, especially with the arranged setup in mind, you knew that this was only one of the rare instances where you could truly feel a taste of euphoria around him.

But gazing up at him in rapture, there was one thing that has been plaguing your mind all day and you didn’t know how you had the courage to finally bring it up.

“Satoru,” the way his name rolled of your lips made him whirl his head towards you in less than a second, “who’s Sera?”

You wondered why the mere mention of the girl’s name turned his face into stone. “None of your business.”

He may think so, but you weren’t stupid. Innocent, undoubtedly but not dumb enough not to catch the littlest details about him. When you heard him utter her name this morning, the loud thumping of your heart might have been due to your territorial instinct as a wife.

Because in all honesty, you assumed—concluded, at most—that there was a reason why he treated you horribly. This might be the answer to your question.

“Are you...” you gulped, face to face with the man were legally bound to, “are you cheating on me?”

Gojou avoided your eyes but he wasn’t feeling guilty in the slightest. The contortion on his visage was more so because he didn’t want you to pry into his personal life believing that you didn’t have all the right to do so. “It’s not cheating when you never had my heart in the first place.”

“But—”

“We’ve been together before you ruined it,” he spat, eyebrows furrowing and lips turning into a downward slope. “She’s the woman that should’ve been in your spot right now, not you. I never asked for you.”

You told yourself that you would prepare for the worst when he showed his true colors on the night of your wedding. His actions, his remarks, and his treatment towards you was overpowering with malice that you wanted to take a step back and think of an option to save your marriage even when it was clearly irredeemable.

You wanted to salvage even the slightest possibility that could fix your sacred bond because it was your vow to him that for better or worse, in sickness and in health, you would be there by his side. You’ve never been this selfless, but because you valued marriage more than anything in this world, you set your personal feelings aside.

“I wanna meet her,” you revealed, eyes glistening with tears under the moonlight. The gravitational pull on your heart could have killed you on the spot, but you tried to hold it together for your sake and his. “I told you I wanna understand why this marriage has been hard for you so, please... let me meet her.”

jjk general taglist: @kity @deeznutss @suhkusa @wonyoschubs @the-golden-jhope @6mattsun9 @hokageyamz @ermahgerd-larry-and-ziam @crashica @aizawap @juniorhooter @atsumusoup @gxtitobxby @strawberries-en-cream @dora-the-grownup @softy-woo @tsumume @kac-chowsballs @anime-nymph @kageyamakock @onlyonew @underratedmage @katsulovee @crapimahuman @alicia-1725 @fatal-impact @drippedcream

sincerely not taglist: @itsnotsoni @pluviophilefangirl @daphnxy @lcveaesop @toji-bee @sparklingblacktea @omisemi @captainchrisstan @your-consulting-fangirl @buttercups145 @xllance @jonsncws @and-you-found-me @tobiotetsu @jeonjungkookismyfuture @d-efend @honouredsatoru @my-reality-is-in-my-head @blueowl51 @misslovingpearl @cuteissei @japanesevenom @borpcorp @ushi-bakatoshi @idyllicodyssea

[nyehilismwriting]

How does everyone view their own gender? What are their ✨feelings✨ towards themselves (and maybe about how the world views them) on that matter? Like, we know that Rhaxa doesn't really fit on the whole human gender spectrum and just uses they/them for convenience, but what about everyone else?? Has Leanna or Ki-ha ever questioned their own gender?? Spill the teaaa 😔✋

ough okay. got long and rambly so putting individual character breakdowns below the cut <3

as a rule, i think the hadea world falls somewhere between contemporary western society and an idealised future in terms of gender roles, misogyny, and transphobia. while nonbinary and trans identities are far more widely accepted and normalised as a whole, it’s a strongly wealth-driven society, which results in a fair amount of rainbow capitalism - nash and the commander, for example, are highly successful, well-regarded nonbinary people at the top of their fields in paramilitary espionage. the director is a powerful, driven, successful woman who orders corporate assassinations on a regular basis. it’s a combination of much wider personal freedom, with more limited medical access and a general idea that any group of people can be exploited for profit, regardless of their identity.

so rhaxa doesn't care, lmao. if i had to use contemporary terminology i'd describe them as agender - this doesn't 100% apply since it still assumes an opposition to other genders/an existing binary, which isn't something the aliens have. even within alien society, though, rhaxa's never had to put much thought into their role or position, which is part of the reason they're so relaxed about pronouns and the identities people might be projecting onto them. they're very confident in themself, and gender doesn't play any role in their identity so it's all just. 🤷‍♀️

i've talked a bit about imxa's particular pronoun use in this post - obviously, this is based on some not entirely accurate preconceptions about human ideas of gender, and missing some nuance about misogyny and such, but those aren't things imxa has much of a clue about. people tend not to try to be misogynistic towards you when you're a giant scary bug, strangely enough.

nash is... nonbinary. ik this is kind of a null statement but that's how they see themself: they're not transmasc or transfemme, they're just. themself. which I think is part of the reason they started identifying that way, and have done for a long time; they’re very firmly in the “i just work here” camp, with a side of “whose business is it anyway”.

with rohan, i kind of oscillate a bit; xe’s always pretty femme regardless of the pronouns you choose for xem, but i think xir gender is always a bit more of a Presentation. whatever it is xe’s doing - whether it’s leaning into hyperfeminity or gnc-ness, it’s always a bit of a performance. i tend to think of xem as a little more fluid than the others, and that’s definitely in part bc xe’s gender-selectable, but i think that there’s an element of using it as armour there, too; xe’s obviously got a lot of Stuff going on (got a ‘send rohan to therapy’ anon literally as i typed this answer) and the more layers xe can put between xemself and the outside world, the better. i also have a lot of thoughts about the gender-selection mechanic: i’m not fully decided whether i’m happy with the choice to describe xem as a man/woman/person as a way of deciding xir pronouns, and that’s something i might edit at some point, cause i do think regardless of what you choose, xe’s up to some shit, there. even if you choose she/her pronouns and end up with a feminine woman, there’s a lot of performance around that choice; it’s not a subconscious decision on xir part, it’s always very deliberate. at least in part, it’s a way of making xemself seem nonthreatening, both physically and socially.

leanna’s always been pretty settled into her identity as a cis woman; she’s a lesbian, which is a big part of how she IDs, but i think she’s spent most of her life in various lgbt circles. she approaches it from a fairly pragmatic perspective; she’s a cis woman, not because it’s the default or the ‘assumed’ gender for her, but because she’s decided that’s what suits her.

ki-ha...he’s a very private person. he has thought about it a lot, done the gender questioning thing, but i do have relevant stuff planned for him ingame so i’m gonna 🤐 same with skylar - i have a lot of thoughts for my lil guy that have yet to resolve into a solid plan. i just have to sit very still and not look at them directly until they come to me.

[thekingofgear]

Jonny Greenwood’s ondes Martenot Tone

Jonny losing himself in a performance of Messiaen’s Vocalise Etude at RHK Dublin in 2015. Photo by Isabel Thomas for The Thin Air.

Written in response to the following anonymous question:

Hi TKOG! When Jonny uses his Ondes Martenot/Ondomo/French Connection etc. does he usually use the Sine Wave function or to produce a basic sine wave sound? I am trying to build my own similar instrument so was wondering what sound I should try and aim to produce. Thank you!

Despite how often the sound of the Martenot is described as a “sine tone”, you will only very rarely hear just a sine tone from the instrument. Jonny’s ondes sound on If You Say The Word for example (more on that later) is far richer than a sine wave. Most versions and offshoots of the Martenot do offer a sine wave, but players (ondists) generally combine it with other waveforms. A very common combination is the sine-wave (onde) added to a lowpass-filtered square-wave (petite gambe). This is similar to but richer than a sine wave, and often blends better with other instruments compared to the pure sine.

One reason for these combinations is that the speakers (diffuseurs) of the original Martenot added lowpass and highpass filtering. The currently-produced ondes Musicales Dierstein at one point used a guitar-oriented Celestian Vintage 30 speaker for its primary (principal) loudspeaker, which rolls off the highs at around ~5kHz and the lows at ~200Hz (full graph here). So even a rich waveform will start to sound like a sine when played at a higher pitch, because the speaker will roll off most of the harmonics of a high-pitched note. With a speaker like that, the combination of sine and filtered square will sound like a slightly richer sine wave at higher pitches. And at lower pitches where the fundamental sine sound is filtered out, the gentle square harmonics will still give definition to the note. The speaker really balances out the sound of the instrument.

Jonny’s Analog Tones

Jonny rehearsing There Will Be Blood with the Wordless Music Orchestra in 2014. His French Connection and its cabinet sit unused as he plays his original digital ondes Martenot. The amp is a rental Vox AC30CC2.

When it comes to Jonny specifically, his choice of waveform depends on both the instrument and the piece of music. For live performances of How To Disappear Completely from 2001 to 2012, Jonny used his French Connection and its Apprentice modular case (the French Connection is just a controller, and produces no sound on its own). At those shows, the instrument is connected directly to the PA, there’s no filtering from a guitar-type speaker. Perhaps that’s why he used a richer saw wave for low notes, and a purer sine-like wave for the high notes. You can hear this clearly in recordings of the band’s Saitama show. But the analog RS-95 oscillators that Jonny uses with his French Connection can’t actually produce a pure sine wave, no-matter the setting of its “shape” knob. So the RS-95′s sine wave sounds more like a triangle wave with some added even-order harmonics (the result of creating the sine wave from the saw/triangle wave). In addition, some other Analogue Systems modules like the RS-100 filter will gently overdrive when connected to a full-volume oscillator, which can add extra harmonics too. When Jonny performed There Will Be Blood with the Wordless Music Orchestra in 2014, he set the volume knob on his RS-110 filter to max, adding some overdrive to fatten sound of the RS-95′s sine output. And Jonny isn’t afraid to use the RS-95′s harmonically rich sounds too: the synthy sliding notes during the last section of the 2+2=5 recording are a great examples.

Unlike the original digital ondes Martenot he obtained in 1999, Jonny’s ondes Musicales Dierstein from 2011 uses analog transistors to generate its sounds (for more info on Jonny’s various Martenot offshoots, see this article). The Dierstein’s sine is also a slightly impure analog waveform, but it is much purer than the RS-95’s sine. It’s interesting to note that, for a performance of There Will Be Blood in 2014, Jonny did use the sine tone (Onde setting) when playing parts originally recorded with his original digital ondes Martenot. However, when playing new compositions with the London Contemporary Orchestra in 2015, Jonny instead used the clipped triangle wave, and even mentioned it sounded good in the concert hall (the Victoria Hall in Geneve). For that show, Jonny did use the Celestian speakers, which gave a warmer sound to the clipped triangle. It’s also interesting that Jonny seems to prefer using just one waveform at a time, rather than combining waveforms by turning on multiple switches.

A photo of the control drawer (tiroir) of Jonny’s Dierstein, posted on his twitter acount in 2015. Only C and D2 are active. C is a peak-limited triangle wave – imagine a triangle with the top chopped off to form a trapezoid. D1, D2, and D3 are switches for different speakers, and D2 is the reverberant speaker. On the Dierstein, D2 is a guitar-type speaker with a warm-soundng reverb emulation. This is pretty different from earlier versions of D2, which had a speaker connected mechanically to a set of large brass springs.

Stimulating Harmonics

So you may be thinking it’s best to start with a rich waveform and add some filtering. But some of the Martenot’s speakers can also add harmonics. The Palme and Metallique speakers both replace the cone of a normal speaker with a more resonant material. In the case of the Palme, the voice coil is coupled directly to the bridge of the custom-build string instrument. When the voice coil is sent into excitation by an input sound, it directly vibrates the strings. So the Palme does not simply add some stringy reverb. The strings of the Palme are actually “played” directly by the input sound, adding harmonics that were never present in the original sound (if you’re curious for more info on the Palme, see our article on building one).

Why should we care? Well, even when Jonny does use a pure sine setting, the final output we hear still might not be a sine wave. When a sine is used with the Palme speaker, the natural harmonics of the vibrating strings are added to the sound, and shaped by the resonance of the Palme’s body.

A photo of Jonny with his digital ondes Martenot and Palme speaker at the Koko in London for the Big Ask in 2006.

The studio recording of The National Anthem is a good example of a pure waveform used with the Palme. For that recording (which we transcribed in detail), Jonny used his original digital ondes Martenot. The digital instrument is able to produce a much purer sine wave than the analog offshoots of the ondes Martenot like the French Connection and Dierstein. But even so, we hear extra harmonics from the strings of the Palme, giving an ethereal haze to the notes.

Jonny also likes to use Vox AC30 amplifiers with his digital ondes Martenot, as he did perhaps most notably for the performance of Cymbal Rush on the Henry Rollins show in 2006. Overdriving the input of the AC30 adds extra harmonics to the sound, which are tamed by the lowpass filtering of the tone cut control and speaker – the same principle as overdriving an Analogue Systems lowpass filter. Jonny only had his digital ondes Martenot when he recorded his parts on If You Say The Word (2:38-3:05, 3:48-4:16). His tone on the song is much less hazy and reverberate compared to The National Anthem, doesn’t seem to have been used (unless it’s blended very softly underneath). But his tone is still fairly rich in overtones, so perhaps they were recorded through a tube amp like the AC30 for some gentle overdrive.

That said, it’s also worth noting that the digital Martenot can produce many additional sounds that his Ondomo, French Connection, and Dierstein are incapable of. Jonny’s interview with ondist Suzanne Binet-Audet for Caroline Martel documentary Wavemakers reveals some of the digital instrument’s more organ-like tones.

A long-exposure photograph of Jonny playing his digital ondes Martenot in the Round Room at Tottenham house, during the recording of In Rainbows.

Really, anything will do!

Simply put, there is no single waveform or timbre that can be attributed to an ondes Martenot. Each version and offshoot of the Martenot has its own waveforms, and they only sometimes overlap. But whether he’s playing his Ondomo or his French Connection, Jonny has nonetheless found a way to get his own sound from them. Ultimately, what matters most is the control interface. As long as one plays using the ring and intensity key (touche d’intensité), any periodic waveform will sound like an ondes Martenot – you might just need to adjust the filtering and reverb. That’s the reason VST replicas of the Martenot, such as Soniccouture's Ondes, sound so different from the real thing, despite using samples of the Martenot’s waveforms and impulse responses of the speakers. Unsurprisingly, the control interface is what matters most. Still, it might be worth playing around with the waveforms in a VST like that, just to hear what you like. You can also listen to the timbre samples on Josh Seman’s website, though you can’t use that to test blends of waveforms.

You seem interested in Jonny’s timbre specifically, but things are equally muddy when creating a historically-correct instrument. Most modern derivatives of the Martenot are based on the MK7 instrument, which used transistors. But many of the most famous pieces for the Martenot were written for earlier version of the instrument that used tubes. Those versions had a much fatter sound due to the tubes overdriving, and had a different range of waveforms and timbres. But this doesn’t stop modern ondists from performing Turangalîla beautifully with a MK7. As long as the instrument has enough timbres to cover a good range of moods, the specific waveforms are ultimately fairly unimportant.

[litafficionado]

“I need a man in my life. A man to love, a man to hold in my arms, a man to take inside of me, a man to make me wet, a man to make me scream and make me come, come, come. You have been that man. The man I could say everything to. The man who adored me. The man who touched my soul. Were you a delusion? I thought we were soul mates forever.

You’ve turned against me like a snake. Your face, fist-tight, deep furrows between your eyes. Stormy forehead. Your shoulders, rounded around your chest. Trapped into your rage.

Everyday the betrayal seems deeper, everyday the gap widens. Everyday I feel the loss a little more.

You love me. You love me not.

How can you not love me anymore? I don’t believe you don’t. All my feelings are shut down, you say. I don’t know what I’m feeling.

This is what I feel: rage and tenderness and sexual passion and contempt and disgust and disappointment and eternal love and despair and overwhelming pain and humiliation. I feel a rainbow of emotions, the full range, a whole orchestra of them, from violins to bass to the rhythm section. All of it at the same time, a jazz section gone berserk, deafening. And you don’t feel anything? When did I lose you? What day, what instant? Was it a gradual, slow frittering away of our love, or did it happen from the inside out, the conflicts pushing their underground way like termites until our relationship exploded, rotten from the core?

I cannot take it. I cannot live through it. I want to explode everything, leave the apartment, never come back, never see you again in my life. I oscillate between being crazy in love with you and dripping with disdain for you. It must be what one calls a love-hate relationship. I didn't know about the hate part, until now. I only talk about one thing: the possibility of reconciliation. My love for you. And it's still there. Sometimes. A lot of the times. But there's another side to me. A side you know nothing about. A side I show to nobody. A side of me that's implacable once it's been set in motion. So I am careful. I don't drudge up the heavy artillery unless I have used all my other weapons. Until I am absolutely sure. And then, there's no hesitation. No dilly-dallying. No wishy-washying. No stumbling. It's very delicate, really. Thoughtful. There's no slamming of doors, no grandstanding, no seething, no outpouring. I will, very gently, pull my needle out of the game—to use the French phrase. In this case, our game.

If you leave, I will take your head and smash it against our front door until your brain explodes and gray matter sticks all over the walls and ceiling. I want to hear the cracking of the bones, the back of your skull splitting open or your face disfiguring, pissing blood, teeth flying, your hair matted with the innards of your cortex, maybe you could make dreads easily with the sticky gooey matter. I have to protect myself, everybody tells me. But if you leave, I want to destroy you, not protect myself legally and financially. That seems too mild, too civilized.

You have tried to erase me, negate me. What would be the best way to torture you in retaliation? Mental, or physical torture?

I thought you had soul, I thought you had heart. Are you just a traitor and a coward? But maybe you still have a soul, still have a heart. It's just that you don't love me anymore. It's life. 

We continue to live in ambiguity, in vagueness, a world where intentions and dreams do not meet actions. Deep down, we trusted each other, I think. There was an unspoken agreement that we were in it for the long haul, together, no matter what the conflicts.

But now things are different. Something has happened that no amount of lovemaking can undo. 

This is turning into the passion of Jesus Fucking Christ. With you as Judas, of course. I am carrying the cross and the crown of thorns is bleeding into my hair and all over my face. And the day you leave is the day of crucifixion. Is that supposed to be my fate? Then you will have succeeded in your ritual killing. 

I don't want to march to my death, patiently waiting for you to leave me.

I will give you the  coup de grâce.

The excitement of the breakup, the exquisite frisson of freedom, the headiness of moving into the unknown and starting from scratch. I'm afraid I will never be able to replace you. I cannot imagine how you could have replaced me.” -Catherine Texier, from Breakup: The End of a Love Story

[lizardl0ver43]

okay okay okay. with all the flood of inital backlash against wayward son, i didnt see anyone say “ur stupid if u like the book.” it was just everyone’s honest thoughts, and some people were upset.

and yet... people in the wayward sun tag now are so fucking condescending, saying “lol yall r stupid the book was amazing u cant expect it 2 b all fluff”... and the thing is no one was expecting that! lol. a lot of us were expecting the book to actually confront and work through shared trauma. we knew going in that simon was going to b depressed! and as someone who knows what thats like, i was hoping for a narrative that deals with all the bad parts while still offering some semblance of hope! thats not naive or stupid to desire, especially when SO MANY queer stories are angst ridden and tragic and hopeless. part of why i loved how carry on ended was because it recognized the fact that everything wouldnt be suddenly okay for them, but encouraged simon to “carry on” and offered hope that they’d be able to come out on the other side someday! you can understand why wayward son undermines that interpretation. and im sorry but no one wants a story where characters are put through endless trauma and arent allowed any space to heal, even if just in baby steps. instead we got a kind of oscillation between conflict and happy moments with no actual progress. and i think it was 100% right for people to criticize that. especially since, going in those first few hours, we didn’t realize there’s probably a third book in store! now its common knowledge in the tag, but reading wayward son without realizing it’s setting up a sequel till the very end? heartwrenching. really upsetting!! people are allowed to criticize media lmao it isn’t “negativity” or “hate”..... like i see bs about the tag being more “positive” now and im like... it’s because the people who were let down kind of left after sharing our thoughts?? some of us have loved and, lets be real, projected onto these characters for years since the first book came out. and i think it’s highly personal how reading wayward son will effect you. some people loved it, okay! but as someone with severe depression, who was going in ready to relate 2 simon and excited to see an emotional, healing arc for him... when i realized it wasn’t going to be like that i was devastated. it’s shitty to say that people who didnt like the book as much for these reasons are somehow the stupid ones who dont understand rainbow’s master plan and just need to trust her... like GOD can you stop talking over people who are making very fair points! especially when a lot of criticism also points to other aspects, mainly the weak plot and all the remaining loose ends. (which uhhh frustration at a dissatisfying ending isnt the same as being like “boo hoo cliffhanger”) it pisses me off insanely when people are in the tag like “u guys are wrong wayward son is good did u expect butterflies and rainbows?” like stfu just say you liked the book without the insinuation that people who disagree with u dont make fair points