#However given that I have grown as a person I also feel fully entitled to my annoyance

[owletstarlet]

(tumblr: ‘persona 4 is simultaneously the gayest and most homophobic piece of media in existence’

Me, a few months ago, having only played p5: oh lmao noted

Me, now more than halfway through p4: wOW, okay,,,

[celestialmango]

(an anon sent me a prompt a while ago that caught my interest and I tweaked it a little so I wouldn't get writers block and get stuck but honestly whoever you are anon, great job👍, I loved it but it just took awhile for creative juices to flow so I could write it out.)

Soft vore, stuffing, unwilling Prey, ambiguous ending, reader insert, fatal mentions.

🥭🍡🥭🍡🥭🍡🥭🍡🥭🍡🥭🍡🥭

Holy shit, you shiver in fear at the knowledge just given to you by the college staff, you shouldn't have signed up for the dorms fuck what do you do? You don't know but you don't have a choice now, you chosen a college far from home and didn't have the money to rent a place. You can see pity on the staffs face as if they know they signed your death warrant. You take a deep breath, stand up and leave.

You don't have a choice, you can't afford to go anywhere else, you were just assigned to be the roommate of a well-known upper class man Pred on campus, as you slowly walk a down the path to the main dorm you feel you have to think, what do you do? as you enter the building....you have an idea, it might be dumb, might not even work but if a plan like this might help you survive you have to at least try it right? You clap your hands and pray to whatever deities are out there that this will work.

You walk down the hall to your assigned dorm room and knock on the door, after a moment it opens and you're face to face with a gurgling bulge of a stomach, you try not to let it phase you as you look up at the towering form rubbing the back of their neck before they look down at you, before the can do anything you play your cards 'o-oh wow you're tall! Hi I'm (y/n)!' you say with an innocent friendly smile 'the dorm manager assigned me as your roommate, from the sound of it you sound pretty hungry which is great! I wanted to invite you out to a buffet I saw on my bus ride to campus for lunch, my treat!' you look at them expectantly waiting for a reply after your word vomit.

After a few minutes of silence and them just staring down at you begin to fidget in place, they just blink at you slowly, looking as if they're debating some as they lift a hand to their mouth and yawn, you fidget a bit more nervously as you see how wide their maw can stretch and see their sharp canines dripping with saliva before their hand drops and their jaw relaxes. Their other hand finds it's way to the back of your shirt and they bring you inside the room before dropping you on a giant beanbag chair, they yawn again "Nnnn fuck it sure, give me a minute, I gotta put on some pants."

Phase one of plan play dumb success! The staff members said your roommate would eat you as soon as they opened the door, but instead you convinced them to a buffet instead, you take your chance to look around the room and your smile drops a little into a look of concern and confusion. There's only one bed. After getting dressed the come out of a bathroom and see your face "what's with you?" They ask sounding a little hostile, you respond by letting your face flush and scratching your cheek with a finger 'u-um well.' their eyes are gazing at you like a hawk 'there's only one bed in the room, this college doesn't really make roommates share a bed do they?' the Predator responds with an unnerving grin "most of my roommates don't last long."

Deflect! Deflect and act cute! You smile at them innocently again and tilt your head 'oh? Did they get kicked out for some reason or something?' their grin gains an aura of menace. "Or something." You put a hand on your chin in thought, 'by the way how do we get to town from campus? Do you have a car or will we be taking a bus to buffet.' their grin drops as they pause for a moment raising their eyebrow, "do you honestly think someone my size can fit in a car? Because the answer is no." You just grin at them 'guess I'll be paying for bus passes too then' they shake their head "naw, the college provides monthly passes, now come on, we'll want to hurry because the next one will leave soon." You look startled before you leap up, 'ok'.

You have trouble keeping up with them as you both run so they quickly turn back pick you up and tuck you under their arm before rushing to the bus stop, they really want that free food you offered, a chance to pig out that they don't have to pay for sounds great to them.

-----------

To saw you were surprised at how much $5 at a buffet could stretch was an understatement, barely half an hour and a tower of plates was stacked on the table you two sat at and as the pred finished their final plate a well dress person came up and banned you both from coming back, as you both stood on the sidewalk you spoke with a stunned look on your face 'i didn't know it was possible to get kicked out of an all you can eat buffet' the pred patted at their large gut "yeah, pity. I'm not even full yet." They pause looking like they're thinking about something again when you spoke again 'what? Seriously? You ate out the entire buffet.' they look towards you again with a strange gaze that you don't even notice and answer.

"I could go for more." You don't even see them reach for you before you turn to them with a mischievous grin while ask them an question that interests them greatly 'wanna see how many buffets we can banned from in a day?' they hesitate, the hand they were about to snatch you up freezes for a second before it reaches down to pat your shoulder instead as they give you a wide grin and an enthusiastic reply "hell yeah." And off you both went to cause as much chaos as possible before you had to go back to campus.

-----

A few hour later and they can barely squeeze themselves out of the doors of the bus as you return to campus, their gut bulging out so large it look as if they ate a moose, the both of you laughing '-i mean the look on that guys face when you snatched up and ate an entire turkey whole as they chased us out was priceless' "pfft yeah but what about the other guy when I ran out of the kitchen with that pot of soup a chugged it?" You both walk towards the dorm 'he looked like he was about to faint! That was right off the stove! Like boiling hot! How in the world did that not burn like you were drinking lava?' "heat resistance is a wonderful thing" they reply grinning from ear to ear.

After they open the door and you're about turn to leave to talk to staff about finishing the dorm paperwork their hand presses against your back a shove you into their room, you don't see a dark look flash across their face for a moment before disappearing, there is an unnerving tone to their voice that gives no room for argument as they speak "hey now, how about we spend a bit more time together?" It doesn't sound like a question but more like an order. Afraid and nervous about what may happen if you say no, you agree.

They hand you a controller and ask in a voice, as if they know exactly how the words sound

"Wanna smash?" 'Hah' you can't help the laugh that comes out, you shouldn't have told them about your weakness to dirty jokes.

----

Time passes fast as you play smash bros together for a while then move on to more multiple play games, you keep noticing they way they glance at you sometimes with a look that scares you, sometimes licking their lips, you notice as time goes by the size of their stomach decreases and the more it does, the more these moments of staring increase.

Their stomach growls a low long sound and you feel like you're sweating as you shiver while a chill shoots down your spine,you speak in a shaky voice as you get up and start walking towards the door 'w-ell t-this has been fun but I have speak to staff about sleeping arrangements as there's not room for me her right now' you open the door a crack before it slams shut, you see the Pred's hand above you and the other engulfs your shoulder, the tone Pred speaks to you in makes your heart stop "oh I have room." Before the spin you around, pinning your arms to your sides as their jaw stretches open and they lift you up , shoving your head inside and swallowing before you can properly process the situation.

The grip of their throat is tight, but the fleshy tube contracts and releases easily as the experienced muscles drag you deeper inside, you snap out your stunned state a futilely kick and squirm , the struggles doing nothing except helping you slide down faster, the Pred groaning at your flavor as they gulp heavily and fast, impatient and greedy they feel they have waited for this long enough. Your head passed through the opening to their stomach and thinking fast you hold your breath, closing your eye as your face is shoved into the pile of half digested remains of the multiple buffets they cleaned out.

You're quickly force inside, curling up you gasp as your head emerges from the slurry of food, it stick to your hair, a foul acidic smell in your nostrils, you barely have the room to move and you start to cry feeling a bit betrayed but your soft sobs can't be heard over the gurgles and groans of the chamber as it continues to work on the food around you.

-----

"Aaah that hit the spot." They plop back down on their beanbag, their gut having grown in size once more, they give it a couple pats then rub it lightly "out of everything I ate today you are definitely the tastiest." They mean that fully, they had been planning to do this since they were first told that staff was going to once again, try to give them a roommate, a freshman this time, you were always going to feed them, they just didn't expect you to do it in more ways than one.

They continue to switch between rubbing and patting their their gut as a thoughtful look crosses their face, they had made up their mind to eat you, nothing you did was ever going to change that, however, what happens afterwards is still up for debate because honestly you are probably the first one staff sent that was actually friendly towards them instead of an entitled jackass , you also took them out and let them stuff themselves till they couldn't eat anymore, they had to wait to digest a bit before they could fit you in too, but even then they had a really good time today with you.

Considering who and what they were it wouldn't take but a second to cast the spell they would need to keep you from being lost inside their stomach forever, hell you might even actually be a good roommate if they give you that chance....a low whiny gurgle sounds from their gut. Whatever their decision is they will need to make it soon, they have about 15 minutes before the acid in their stomach starts to affect you too.

[experimental-intellection]

Sorry for the TLDR nature of this but File Under: Deconstruction has its benefits.

First: To set this up let's go all the way back to a fresh faced 18 year old self and sitting down and having several heart to hearts with the old man before shipping off to the old blue and gold of the US Navy!

For those of you who have gotten to have such talks it's a surreal thing. It takes having a parent who chooses to be heartfelt and who puts all the character building and disciplining they are called to do aside for a smidge and really decide to spend time with you as the adult you are about to be. It takes laying down all the years on the table and explaining to their child why they did this here and where they honestly regretted doing that there.

And crying, quite a bit of it... and apologies and forgiveness given along the way...

It takes (with maybe a stiff drink or two in the process) a commitment to be open with the person whose now fully grown. The person that they first met when held in their arms when they were a fresh faced kid themselves and just a few years out from under their own folks...

I thought I got the significance of those talks all that long ago but I don't think I really did till tonight.

Second: We skip ahead a couple of years to 20ish year mr, only just recently paying taxes and still way too naive, and sitting in someones living room in Portland, Maine with a bible in his hands and a discipleship handbook in his lap, crying over Matthew 27:46, and a pastor who was asking him to list his sins... (And yes kids, I'm looking at The Cross study right now if you must know) ... and feeling the abject weight of the personal inequity he knew all too well to be inside of him.

What was the common element of both these settings?

In both I felt like I was being witnessed. All the good things I was, the wanting to serve and wanting to matter... but also the entitlement and the attachment and undiagnosed depression and anxiety and ADHD (although the less than ideal parts of myself would not be named or diagnosed till much later)...

I was witnessed in both instances. First being acknowledged and treated with respect from the person I most desperately wanted respect from, and then second feeling as if I was acknowledged by a creator and being called to lay myself down for something greater.

However, the difference between the two was while the first was an emotionally trying experience toward understanding and a form of reconciliation, the second was (at least in part if not in whole) a fostered and cultivated emotional crisis towards the goal of conversion and unquestioning belief.

All of this entered my mind tonight while my daughter and I burned through every tissue and napkin in my car as she talked about the outcomes of having my inherited mental health gifts and all the wonderful combinations and depths of self-doubt and lack of self-worth that they were generating for her...

My 14 year old had her own breakdown tonight similar to so many others I've had over the years at altar calls and midnight studies around the back cove... but as I held her hand and rubbed her back I saw the arc of her life not as undiagnosed and misunderstood like mine but as a journey that was healthier and more self-aware from the start.

I remembered my father sharing his heart and I spoke to her in the same tone... I found myself explaining how she has never been a burden, that she has never been alone, that her feelings have always been valid, and that she has always been loved.

But most of all that she was seen by a father who saw her importance.

I told her that I had been through what she had but through the lens of chasing salvation and hoping (among other things) it would quiet my mind.

I found myself taking all the best elements from my fathers own heart and from the misguided emotional appeals of the ministry and putting into words that her depths could be fostered and understood and not just explained away by biblical passages here and there or throwaway religious platitudes.

Ultimately my daughter and I will have more conversations, but I have more hope than I did before that she will be better equipped than I was to identify manipulations and agenda filled appeals for her time and loyalty. She will receive the help that was so full of stigmas and denied me when I was a her age and she will have a much better grounding when it comes to her worth and learning from the adversity my less-than-ideal family genes have given her.

And in time, and the Lord willing, she will learn mercy and discernment and wisdom in a way that I was never taught. As well as obedience and fidelity to herself first, and with appropriate boundaries in place, provide mercy and care to those around her.

There is value that can be pulled from my years woven into the church. There is meaning that can be passed along to my daughter from all the parsing and pulling apart of my life desperately seeking acceptance from higher powers and life partners and peers.

The germ of my faith as it stands now is that we are lovable and redeemable as we are. That we can hope to form bonds with others who are also putting in the work to understand and build something true. Its a faith that I am hoping she can learn from whether she decides to adopt it in the way I have or not.

There is a future after what we've experienced in the church. There is still something worth building on...

...one final thought. If you've considered your own heart to heart with your own children put in the work on yourself to be thoughtful and soft-hearted. Put aside the time and make the room for reconciliation where its needed. Being present for your child doesn't have to be perfect but make it vulnerable and without hubris. Because it's not just a conversation you are having with the child in front of you but a conversation they hopefully feel inspired to pay forward to their own.

Also, just to be clear, I'm not crying you are crying...

[emergingsentiments]

Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha: Episodes 5 and 6 (Repost)

“The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk they're sober.” — William Butler Yeats

With Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha’s premise largely settled, its third pair of episodes move forward to deal with the aftermath of the previous week’s intoxication. Drunk and blacked out by the strength of alcohol, Hyejin wakes up next to Dusik. It’s as much a shock to her as it is to Gongjin’s tight-knit community, who, being in the right place and time, discover the issue and spread the rumor like wildfire. It’s a hilarious sequence, one that includes an embarrassing recollection of the good dentist’s trippy, drunken ways. It also sets up awkward conversations with the townsfolk, especially with Dusik being the other half of the scandal.

Hyejin wants to squelch the gossip. Dusik, however, seems cavalier about it. Their different attitudes inform much of the tension that fills Episode 5. What Homcha does so well at this juncture, however, is to pit these contrasting views, reactions, and responses of our leads to challenge our own. Hyejin, for instance, thinks of herself so highly as a woman of the city that she wouldn’t be caught dead being associated with Dusik, let alone rumored to have slept with him. It’s an uncomfortable judgment made against the seemingly flawless Renaissance man of Gongjin. He doesn’t take it lightly and calls out Hyejin for being narrow-minded.

But in hindsight, it’s not farfetched to sympathize with Hyejin. When we find out her condescension towards Dusik was not warranted given the man’s prestigious educational background, we also learn of her experience being looked down upon by a man. The man also happened to be her ex-boyfriend. This painful memory — unearthed by Miseon’s tactlessness — reveals the motives behind Hyejin’s views. She’s not just a woman driven by ambition and defined by material success. She’s not just a daughter grieving the early death of a mother. She’s also a human being that had to deal with social disadvantages, which led to her being ridiculed. Those negative experiences continue to influence and shape her persona seen best in her insecurities.

Dusik — well-read and well-educated — should have been the first person to recognize the scars behind Hyejin’s wounded ways. Hyejin is entitled to feel the way she does, without a man he’s practically just met prodding her to come out of her ‘shell’. This is where Dusik’s single-mindedness becomes a flaw. After all, he has his own skeletons in the closet. He knows enough about loss and pain to recognize its symptoms in other people. He surely would have sensed how uncomfortable Hyejin is being the subject of a small town’s raunchy rumors. There’s something else lurking behind the Dusik’s unbridled heroism and his confusing and flippant behavior around Hyejin. For instance, when Cheonjae suggests he finds a partner, he brushes it off and changes the conversation. Why the evasion? Why these apprehensions?

Like any good show, Homcha isn’t in any hurry to give answers. But we do get clues. First, there is that mysterious picture that bookmarks one of Dusik’s books. It’s probably connected to another hint — his visits to a shrink concerning a recurring nightmare. Dusik’s past looms ominously over his present. Lastly, we learn that summer night drinking fancy wine didn’t end only with a stoned Hyejin wrecking hangover havoc across Gongjin’s empty evening streets. It was capped with something less theatrical but more intimate — a kiss.

Kisses, they say, are far more intoxicating. And its effects are clear on both our dentist and jack-of-all-trades on Episode 6. Now that Hyejin remembers their lips-to-lips, we get to understand a little more about Dusik’s strategy. If he has been deliberately coy, it was an attempt to bury Hyejin’s memory of that kiss. But Dusik being Dusik, he pursues in taking down Hyejin’s defenses. If Hyejin can be contrary as a woman, then Dusik can be contradictory with his dilly-dallying, too. His newfound philosophy revolves around the idea of taking risks, crossing boundaries, getting drenched in the rain every now and then. It’s a romantic prospect but one that reduces Hyejin to another one of Dusik’s projects it seems. And yet, it’s an approach that doesn’t seem out of character, too.

Homcha subtly peels away the perfect facade of Mr. Hong, highlighting the man’s little foibles with every episode. Yes, he’s tremendously kind. Yes, he’s exceptionally good at everything. But he’s human, too, with anxieties and errors in judgment. We see more of the latter whenever he’s around Hyejin, which tells me behind the gallant exterior of Gongjin’s favorite son is a man either unsure of how to dance with a woman he obviously likes or afraid to step on his lover’s feet. Why? He knows the cha cha cha takes practice, right, and a willing partner, too? Had he failed in this dance before?

Hyejin yields to Dusik’s credo but not fully. She is her own woman, after all. Yes, she gets jealous and annoyed with Dusik’s cheekiness. But she can also be defiant by letting everyone know her displeasure at being rumored as Sikhye or in telling off Dusik as he tried to bring Juri home. Dusik will have to deal with Hyejin’s tantrums because he simply cannot stubbornly “fix” her or “work” on her as a side hustle. We’re talking about two people navigating the unsteady paths of life and love as grown-ups. They’ll need to grope the steps of their choreography. That takes time.

But they’ll have to get it right, soon. Ji Seong-hyun (Lee Sang-yi) has arrived in town, which makes for interesting love triangle fodder. Seonghyun, however, is exceptionally likable. A bit naive and with a megawatt smile, he also offers the unpleasant advantage of having known Hyejin for longer, including being a witness to that pivotal rejection she suffered from her ex. While we all know the fate of second leads, I look forward to how Seonghyun’s presence shifts dynamics and allegiances in a town known for impulsive, gossip-mongering residents. Does he prance away with the lady? Or will Cinderella’s final dance be with Dusik?

Speaking of dancing, we see a lot of it in arguably one of the show’s highlights so far — the festival. It’s an event that brings together our favorite characters in a wholesomely wild and merry night. With all of them in one stage, it’s easier to appreciate how Homcha has successfully balanced all the story arcs so far.

But it’s becoming clear Gongjin’s narratives, though varied, are all threaded by one thing — pain.

The drama sheds light on these aches using both humor and gravitas. With Miseon, we find comic relief in her frequent, ill-timed, and embarrassing stomach aches. Juri’s pain, on the other hand, draws close comparison with Hyejin’s loss of her mother. Her rebelliousness is rooted in the stifling parenting of Cheonjae who tries too hard to offer both father and mother figures to Juri. It’s a father-daughter struggle that sees Cheonjae accepting Juri becoming her own young lady, leaving behind his own dreams to support Juri’s own.

And of course, there’s Hwajung and Youngguk’s post-divorce relationship, one complicated further with the return to Gongjin of Youngguk’s first love, Cho-Hui (Hong Ji-Hee). It’s an arrival that isn’t exactly welcome, and one that causes Hwajung to clench her jaws and writhe in pain. Like Seonghyun, Chohui can win a congeniality award with her smile. Hwajung describes her as kind to a fault. But there’s something amiss with this love triangle, and if theories prove true, we may be in for a surprise.

See, underneath the picturesque and coastal idyll of Gongjin are tales of trauma and tragedy. We sense that the town’s folksy air draws its warmth from the burning embers of its people’s pasts. Homcha is unafraid to weave the growing affections between Mr. Hong and Dr. Yoong using these sorrow-tainted fabrics, while only lightly reassuring us that even yesterdays have tomorrows. Surrounding Dusik and Hyejin are equally deep entanglements of human relationships — from a man trying to be the best father for her daughter to an iron-willed lady silently figuring out her place in the present as the past returns. It’s interesting how all these stories will tie together in the coming weeks.

For now, we can only make assumptions in search of our own catharsis. But we will have to be hurt, too. If Hometown Cha-Cha-Cha claims to offer healing, then we must get wounds first, right?

[harry-sussex]

I hope it's not yet too late to add my thoughts to the Harry memoir thing! First of all, I sincerely hope that Harry is smart enough to think twice, thrice, or even a thousand times about what he'll put out in his memoir. Unlike Finding Freedom which they were able to deny accountability, although seemingly unbelievable to some given their "relationship" with Omid, all statements, claims, and accusations in the memoir are his to bear and all consequences are his to suffer. He can't pass it off to someone else. The Queen is 95. Sooner but preferably later, Charles will take over and then William. I'm not saying he's not entitled to his own feelings and I acknowledge that the BRF will always be his blood family but family members have been exiled and cut off completely for lesser reasons. I think him going back to the UK and being allowed to stay in Frogmore, for instance, are all thanks to the Queen. I can't imagine what or how his trips to the UK will be like if he has been cut off completely by his family and no longer has the royal machinery to back him up (i.e., being able to stay in Frogmore, the security, chauffeurs, being able to claim they're still on speaking terms). Try as he might to say that he hated his old life, I think it would hurt him if he only gets to go back to the only home he's ever known for funerals. I think it would also hurt as hell if he and his family will be denied invitations to the Jubilee or future coronations, for instance - events that he and his family should have been at the forefront had this been handled properly. Not to mention the negative impact this will have on his "brand". I don't think the remaining royals would do a sit down interview directly addressing Harry but I also don't think we can put it past them to hit back in different ways especially when provoked.

Second, the "scorned royal" narrative could only go so far especially with the Cambridge children growing up. This is also one of my beefs with how this played out. Harry acknowledged that his niece and nephews would soon outshine him and he has a little window to do something worthwhile... and yet he chose to immerse himself fully in the "drama" as opposed to highlighting the causes close to his heart. This "drama" is supposedly aimed to clear the air and misconception surrounding them but it only resulted in them being bashed even more and made fun of.

I saw a post saying he's turning into the male version of Tessy Antony (and I hate that I can see why) and since January 2020, I think I've been the human version of that angry woman saying "I was rooting for you. We were all rooting for you" at Harry LOL. He used to be such a great guy (who I was really proud to say I admired) and I think underneath all these pent-up anger, he still is. I sincerely hope he doesn't end up being a middle aged man who's fallen from grace and would have to resort to embarrassing things to earn money and court publicity. Diana's second baby who grew up to have a big heart and an even bigger personality despite the Diana tragedy deserves so much more than that.

It's never too late to share your perspective around here! I have a stupid amount of messages from ages ago from people sharing their perspectives - I'll get to them, promise! It just might take me a while lol. But I've been trying to get through all of the memoir-related asks because a lot of people have a lot to say, myself included.

I think a lot of favor he still has with the family lies with the Queen, sure. However, I really don't see Charles and William cutting him out of the institution for good, no matter what he does. He'll go to the coronation, maybe even William's investiture as Prince of Wales. He'll go to HM's funeral (where I have no doubt he'll be granted special permission to wear a uniform, because there's no way they'll do the suit thing from Philip's funeral at the monarch's funeral), his father's funeral when the time comes (same with the uniform), and William's coronation, and maybe George's investiture too. Hell, he might even pull a Princess Madeleine and come by for events like Trooping the Colour (like she does for National Day/Victoriadagen sometimes) every once in a while. He'll stay at Frogmore and get invited to tea and be entitled to the same royal machinery. Side note - I really don't think we'll ever see Meghan (and, likely, the kids) on British soil ever again. Maybe, maybe the coronation(s). Not entirely sure about the funerals, I'm not going to lie. Just my opinion - I might be completely wrong.

I just don't see them waking up one morning and stooping to Harry's current level. They're an institution too, and realistically, he's no threat to it. Sure, they theoretically may never speak again, they may cut each other off for good personally, but the institution is the institution and I just don't see them doing anything.

I agree with the second point, though I hadn't considered it. His time in the peak of the spotlight to do as much good as possible is certainly limited, as he fades further and further away from the institution, and as George, Charlotte, and Louis grow up. He has a different grasp on the public than Charles' siblings, for example, because he's Diana's baby, and so he will remain relevant in some capacity for the rest of his life even as the kids start turning into full-grown royals. Either way, it will diminish to an extent, and I wish he'd focus that time on doing the good he's always said he wanted to do, to maximize his impact while he has the greatest reach. The drama only makes money for the media. His charities, instead, could benefit greatly from the resources (time, energy, effort, manpower) that he is wasting on this damn memoir. In the process, he makes money for charities and loses money for the media. A win-win, right? Why does nobody see that?

That was @claireofluxembourg 's anon and it's funny to an extent, but it's also really quite sad. I don't think he's there yet but it could very easily go in that direction and if that happens, idk what I'll do with myself because you know I'll still be here going on about "he can change!" That bitterness is unflattering on anyone.

Finally, I agree with all of your last point. He's a wonderful, beautiful man with so much spark and charm and he's so capable of everything he could ever want to do and more. I do not want to see him fall any further from grace than he already has. He's Diana's baby, sure, but he's a beautiful person in his own right with a big heart and an enormous desire and potential to be everything and more and I just hate that this is what it's come to. I hope it levels out because he deserves so much better, he is so much better, and I refuse to believe that version of him is gone.

[chrisodonline]

In which I unwrap a little from “Mother” and also tie in past seasons’ of G Callen character development AND character insight shown and implied...

This episode was all about parallels -- and they were well done. Parallels in TV episodes are nothing new, and you see them as handy ways to tie storylines and characters together, either from within the show itself or with references and homages to past literature and media.  They are a great tool for new writers, and for good reason. People expect themes to episodic and serial presentations, and they help keep formulae from being just straight formulae. ECO and Babar definitely leaned into them, but with a lot of thought. 

I do think the parallels between Akhos and G were supposed to make us think as well as make G think.  Akhos definitely thought they were two sides to the same coin. Hetty had concerns they were, in a way, as well. It was setup to put Hetty in continued crisis thought and self-reflection that has started recently -- but you saw seeds in past seasons.  It’s still very in character.  The beauty of the ep was that it didn’t actually lean all the way into the parallel. It was more explicit in noting the parallel of Akhos and G, but mainly because the dialogue was coming through to display the aforementioned mentalities of our Baddie of the Week and Mother Hetty. (Mother was also the very specific nickname/codename given to the CIA during the Cold War, and I just kept thinking about that. I’m sure that was no coincidence.)  Sam also had a little dialogue that floated this -- in this ep and in recent ones.  

Anyway, what the episode demonstrated was a reinforcement that G and Akhos? Actually two very different people. And it’s not that they ended up on two different sides of a forked path after Hetty’s modus operandi of intervening with lost souls. It wasn’t even anything about what Hetty planted. G was never going to be Akhos, Hetty or no Hetty.

Before I get into the ending parts with G and his fantastic dialogue, we’ll look at the speakers of lines that contributed to the “Akhos = what G could have ended up as.” Akhos himself belabors the point. Akhos is extremely misguided, and approaches things from an embittered POV. He has also lied to someone who is loyal enough to him to go to the HQ of a government agency.  There’s an entitlement aspect to him, and also someone who refuses to accept any of his actions or mistakes as completely of his own doing. It was all “nurture” to him. He wasn’t a full-grown adult or anything at some point capable of making his own decisions.  If anything, saying he was ruined and fallen shows that he has a pretty darn clear understanding of morality.  You can’t fault a person for not being mentally healthy or having emotional issues. But he knows right from wrong. He did wrong. He’s not the voice of reason in all this. He has a skewed view of things, and we’re not supposed to walk away thinking, “Man, Akhos was a deep guy. He’s super smart. He had it all figured out.” He tried to kill Hetty, then G, and tried to blow up Deeks and Kensi. He’s not...a good guy. He’s not on the side of right nor is he right about things. He ends up killed by Hetty.  If this were a novel, well, a traditional novel -- let’s say -- Akhos’ ending up killed in a very bloody fashion and coming out the loser -- big time -- with his men taken out and plots being foiled all over the place pretty much enforces his worldview and ways of life are not ones the author subscribes to nor are they trying to get the audience/reader to subscribe to them. 

Hetty is another person who muses this, and she does it not from her usual confident stance.  She isn’t Hetty the Purveyor of Wisdom.  She is Hetty the Mother, specifically Hetty the Mother, who is going through common paternal guilt mode. She’s questioning her decisions, how it’s affected her children, etc. She isn’t Hetty the Orator. She is Hetty the Doubter. Sage!Hetty is a voice we’re supposed to listen to.  Confused, guilt-ridden, confidence-bruised is not the Hetty we’re supposed to listen to. It’s her at her most human, not her most all-knowing. 

Sam? Sam is your favorite aunt. He meddles at times, but he always cares. He might get a little personal, but you know you can go to him with whatever horrible thing you think you did, and he’d give you a look before helping you out and guiding you back and giving you the best hug you’ve ever gotten. He’s also a worrier. Sam’s just worried about his friend, and this is probably his gateway into deeper discussions because he knows G isn’t up for the really, really deep ones.

So, we’ve established that these aren’t necessarily the voices we need to put full faith in -- for the ep that is.  (Hetty and Sam know what’s what very often.)

The episode is smart enough to let G speak for himself. He doesn’t do it often, and that’s been a big point in some of his plots. He gets deep here, and he drops his guard. It’s Hetty, and he’s often done it with her. However, he also knows she needs to hear what he has to say. It’s all true, so he’s not lying out of kindness. He’s being honest. He doesn’t do this because Hetty showed him a magic, fun path. He may have ended up on this super specific path because of Hetty, but he was always going to help people. He doesn’t do this because he feels like he has no choice. He does it because he sees the good it does. It allows people to live their lives. That’s all he wants. He wants people to live outside of violence. He has every reason to doubt the good in people. He’s seen the worst in this job, and he saw it before the job. He had abandonment issues not knowing who he was and if he was ever wanted. He had to live with that on top of not only encountering horrible, cruel people, but being left in their charge. Time and time again. His childhood was full of horrible things and horrible people. But he also saw good, innocent people -- his fellow foster kids. 

Sam, Kensi, and Deeks usually mention at least one personal relationship when talking about doing the job, though they also love helping others and explicitly note. In the 11th season, with G’s acknowledging he is no longer a lone wolf, that he does have people close to him, and seeming to be okay with, he still talks with distance about the people he saves. He’s tried the “normal” things beyond the found family: girlfriends, a niece and nephews, steady dwelling places, staying in a job for a while, etc.  He still sees himself as separate from the “normal life.” From the world he saves. The world is full of other people living their lives, not him. He’s not bitter about that. In fact, he kind of misses the aspects to being fully solo. (See? Already very different Akhos. Not bitter. Not feeling entitled to something better or throwing blame around.)

G Callen has had emotional growth in being able to trust more people and let them in. He’s allowed himself to make connections.  Morally, though? He’s still the same person. Because he was never evil. And he never would be. Don’t get me wrong. He’s no saint, and he’d be the first to tell you that. He lives in the gray, though. Always has, and always will. He might have ended up in a different system if he stayed in juvie or kept going back. Even if he never went and ended up in organized crime or on the “wrong” side of the law because that was sort of his only options, or seemed like it, he’d be a total Arkady. (Maybe more...understated, shall we say?) He has the natural skill set and aptitude for organized crime, but you know he’d be helping people one way or another. Probably even be a CI.  He’s clever, and always has been. But he’s never been evil. He might go dark at times, but all these characters have. 

Again, Akhos feels like so many things forged him.  He takes no responsibility for the forging he did of himself. Trauma and horrible experiences do not forge us. That’s a misconception. It permanently affects you, in ways you sometimes don’t understand. It can affect your physical health. It can dig into your DNA. It’s not what makes you you, though. Survival is not a creator of bravery, it is a product of it. (I do want to note here, that the lack of survival does not mean there is an absence of bravery. There is no victim-blaming here.) 

G Callen was impacted by cruelty and tragedy. He got scars from them in various ways. He may have not wanted to get close to people or let them get close to him as a result. However, that doesn’t mean he didn’t care about them. G Callen didn’t go into this life because Hetty told him to or offered it to him, and made it sound like a trip to Disney World every day or like constant 80s training montages. The G Callen who went from agency to agency because, even though he hated the structure, he wanted to do the job. (He also says he left the CIA because the thought they were too shady.) He could have been a private investigator. Or just left and did something less kickass-y.  Something without any rules or bosses.  But he stayed. He didn’t stay because of Hetty. He’s super loyal to Hetty, but he’s also super stubborn.

G Callen sat there tonight and told Hetty that she didn’t fail him, that she didn’t fail any of them, that he does this because he wants people to be able to live their lives and that the world is worth saving. That’s why G Callen has always done this. That’s why when he sees kids in trouble, he doesn’t do what Akhos does and go “Oh, woe is me! You think you have it bad! Look at what life and the people in it have done to me! Aren’t you lucky to still have a parent who might be upset you die in a bomb blast!” G Callen has the opposite of the crab mentality.  He wants to make sure everyone else makes it out of the bucket, usually feeling like he has to stay in it himself -- no matter how often Sam tells him he can come out of the bucket. 

G Callen will always live in the gray, but never the dark.  He knows he’s not meant for a life in the “light.” He’s okay with that. He doesn’t double-down and go and live in the dark, taking down everyone with him. He wants to save people from the dark, no matter what it means for him. 

G Callen is still very often that hurt, little lonely boy who just wanted a family and to be loved and know who he was. To be safe. He was well into adulthood before he knew any of that, really.  He even says as much to Nadir back in “The Seventh Child.”  You find people who make you feel safe. He has talked about the team being family, and he said it tonight. He’s gotten all of that. That stuff is newer; however, he has always wanted other people to be safe, too. His hands are far from clean, and he can be extremely lethal and detached due to his training -- as seen tonight, as well.  But he’ll always help people. It’s who he is. It’s why he does what he does. In the “Matroyshka” episode (another nice maternal name, there), he reacts very strongly to his father calling him a good man. He doesn’t feel like he is, but he wants to be. 

G Callen lived through horror after horror, and he was still never going to approach Akhos-level evil. That’s not how it works. I realize the episode itself seemed to be pushing that more than it didn’t, but it was just having a discourse and exploring things through dialogue and plot -- as good TV does. G Callen would’ve said in his moment of deep honesty with Hetty if she did anything that might have led him to be Akhos.  I know there’s an argument to be made about whether or not Callen is self-aware, but what this ep and the ones before it have shown us is that he so very much is self-aware.  He’s more self-aware than he gets credit for because people mistake behavior changes as a guaranteed result of self-awareness.  (Behavior changes are soooo ingrained. They are nearly impossible to change permanently. It is very serious work and doesn’t signal a lack of attempts to make those changes.)

Anyway, that went even longer than I intended. I could go on and on. Clearly. I just wanted to put it out there that G Callen was never at real risk for becoming an Akhos, and the episode didn’t end with that notion, either. At least not to me.  

[bleedingsandshq]

[ JESSICA ALBA, FEMALE, SHE/HER, 38 ] Whenever I hear TEAM by IGGY AZALEA it always makes me think of SIENNA FIERRO. They have been so  CHARISMATIC & STEADFAST, but occasionally they have gotten a little bit FORTHRIGHT & IMPETUOUS through the years. They currently work as an UNDERGROUND FIGHTER, a strangely fitting job for someone with loyalty to THE 19TH as a WEAPONS SPECIALIST. THE SCENT OF CHANEL PERFUME LINGERING IN THE AIR AS SHE FLOATS PAST, DEFT FINGERTIPS COILED AROUND THE PISTOL GRIP OF A GUN AND RED-BOTTOMED HEELS CLICKING AGAINST MARBLE FLOORS make them easy to spot on the strip.

CONNECTIONS.

Her Sister: Despite her attitude toward her parents, Sienna always remained close with her sister who always advised her to simply attempt to appease their parents. Though Sienna never took her sister’s advice, her sister was always there for her nonetheless. Throughout her years of struggling with addiction, her sister was right there by her side, the one constant in her life. You could say that her sister was Sienna’s rock; her salvation. Though her sister is the younger of the two, Sienna often feels as if her sister adopted the role of the big sister. Underneath, Sienna harbours a pang of guilt over not being the role model elder sister. She feels as if she let her little sister down. Even at their parent’s funerals, her sister kept it together better than Sienna did. Truthfully, in more ways than one, Sienna looks up to her younger sister and puts her on a pedestal.

Law Enforcement: Given her parent’s esteemed status and the fact that they travelled from various states to others, perhaps Sienna has bumped into various people from her parent’s lives. Perhaps there is one particular person who knew her parents better than the rest. This person could have been someone who worked alongside her mother or father and knew them personally. Due to their close relationship with her parents maybe this person secretly checks up on Sienna and keeps an eye on her from afar. Really, this connection has endless possibilities but I feel that Sienna having someone in her life who knew her family would help her feel closer to her parents.

Friend Turned Enemy: Maybe this person and Sienna were friends from New York in the form of one of the other teenagers Sienna hung around with and got involved in reckless behaviour with. Or maybe this person was someone Sienna befriended during her stint in rehab. Or they could be someone Sienna met when she moved to Las Vegas. Under whichever circumstance they met, one fact remains: the two are no longer on friendly terms. They were once close and trusted each other with anything but now, there is obvious hostility. Perhaps there was a betrayal, blackmail, a breach of trust, lack of communication, a simple misunderstanding. Whatever it was that cracked this relationship is set in stone and is unlikely to ever go back to how it once was. Some things are just too broken to be mended.

Toxic Relationship: Sienna has always had bad habits, has always gravitated to toxicity like a moth to a flame. It would be safe to assume that 90% of her relationships have also been bad for her. When she kicked her addiction to the side, the broken element inside her found itself magnetised to the darkness in people. More especially, attracted to men she knew were no good for her. Though, in the end, Sienna would always manage to break free and leave these men behind. However, there was always this one man she couldn’t seem to stay away from. She met him when she moved to Las Vegas and instantly she knew he would break her heart yet it didn’t deter her from continuing to crawl back to him. These two have what can only be described as a toxic relationship. Neither is good for the other yet neither can seem to walk away.

BACKGROUND.

Sienna Fierro was born in Mexico City where she resided for the first decade of her life with her adoring parents and her younger sister. Soon after her 10th birthday, the Fierro’s packed up their lives and headed for New York City.

Raised in Manhattan by two successful and entitled lawyers, the Fierro girls were seemingly also destined for greatness. Their parents cherished them and they led a life of luxury, wanting for nothing.

However, due to the line of work that their parents were involved in, the Fierro daughters spent the majority of their time living with their grandparents who held a great deal of responsibility for their upbringing. Although their grandparents were rather strict in manner, their environment remained enriched with love.

It was on her 13th birthday that Sienna received her grandmother’s most prized possession: a pair of ballet pumps. Despite her young age at the time, her grandmother firmly believed that Sienna was mature and wise enough to understand the concept of ballet and to one day desire pursue a career in the profession, just as her grandmother had.

Back then, Sienna would say her biggest influence at the time was indeed her grandmother, even more so than her own mother. Thus the instant that she set her eyes upon the ballet slippers, she believed that her fate had been sealed. That same year, her grandmother enrolled her in her old ballet school where a young Sienna spent the following two years dancing and practically living with her grandparents. It wasn’t long until Sienna possessed dreams of becoming a prima ballerina.

Unfortunately, at 16, Sienna’s hopes of further pursuing ballet tumbled down around her after sustaining a serious injury. During a rehearsal for a show, she had sprung into a Spanish pas de chat, a leap she was more than well acquainted with. However, her landing was less than smooth. After the accident, an orthopaedic surgeon had told the girl that it was likely that her knee would never fully heal, thus she would never be able to dance the same again. Ballet had been a passion for Sienna for so long. It acted as an emotional outlet. It was her form of art. Somewhere to place her competitive focus. And now, it was gone. Forever.

By the time Sienna turned eighteen, the grey cloud hanging over her had grown larger which led her to wind up involved with a group of her peers who were a bad influence. As a result of the lack of her parent’s presence in her life and her crushed ballet dreams, the girl spent her summers engaging in endless nights consisting of alcohol consumption and occasionally dabbling in various forms of drugs. Naturally, her parents were far from pleased by their daughter’s behaviour as they had a reputation to uphold. Yet this failed to deter Sienna as she continuously rebelled against her parents. She hung around with the wrong crowd, paid little to no attention to her education, and spent more time out of her home than in it. It wasn’t until her grandmother passed away that same year, that Sienna felt a real, human emotion.

After her grandmother’s passing, Sienna moved back into her parent’s house, enabling her to grow a little closer to them. Try as she did, she couldn’t help but rely on her parents when she found herself struggling further with her continuing drug addiction. Although they were disappointed, she was their daughter and they did everything in their power to ensure that she was safe and that she got the help she needed. During the course of two years, Sienna showed little to no signs of improvement forcing her parents to decide that it might be best to admit their daughter to a private drug rehab facility.

At first, Sienna had disagreed and promised them that she could kick her addiction to the curb if given more of a chance. However, after struggling for two years, deep down she realised that she was too far gone and needed help. It was the first time in a long time that Sienna felt like a child again. A child who needed and relied on her parents. A child who deeply regretted all her wrongdoings, getting tangled up in the wrong web of horrible friends, and disrespecting her parents who she constantly pushed away.

After completing her time in the facility, a then 21-year-old Sienna decided to get her life back on track and so she moved into her own apartment and obtained various educational certificates to try and alter her future career prospects. She was doing better and more importantly, she felt better. Until the following year when her parents had met their fatal end in a road traffic accident. Though it was a struggle for Sienna not to backtrack and break her sobriety, she managed to push through and steer herself away from her former addictions.

Following another year in New York, Sienna decided to pack up her belongings and head for Las Vegas where she had a promising career prospect. At the age of 23, she found herself working in Lady Luck Casino. Though it wasn’t long until she wound up caught up in underground fights where, much to even her own surprise, she excelled. It became another emotional outlet for her. One that replaced ballet from all those years prior.

It was through her keen fighting ability and technique that Sienna was recruited by The 19th. Initially, starting as an employee who regularly fought in various underground areas until she was promoted to a solider and now, finally, due to her strength as a soldier, she has been recruited to a weapons specialist. Although she continues to engage in fighting, her main priority is her role within The 19th thus she doesn’t fight as much as she once did.

Sienna has been in Las Vegas for 15 years, 13 of which she has worked under The 19th syndicate. Since childhood, she has been through a lot and has lost a lot but somehow, she was always able to build herself back up again. Is this the life that she had envisioned for herself? Not exactly. But was it better than any other alternative, especially one where she could have lost her life to a world of drugs? Yes. Where Sienna is now is exactly where she wants to be. And maybe this is exactly what she needs to fully emerge from the ashes of her haunting past.

SIENNA IS CURRENTLY CLOSED & WRITTEN BY CHRISSIE.

[rainhalydia]

Hi! I recently read your post about Theon and Robb and I really enjoyed it. Thank you! I wanted to ask your opinion on the relationship between Robb and Sansa. How do you think she would feel(think) about him, when(if) she finds out about this whole exchange situation, Jamie Lannister, the will, etc?

Hi! Glad to know my nonsense was enjoyable! :D

Sorry if I don’t give you an answer as long and rambling as for the Theon-Robb question, but the relationship between Robb and Sansa doesn’t hold nearly as much ambiguity to me.

They both love each other dearly and they both see Robb as Sansa’s protector. They’re both sad when he fails in that job.

To elaborate a bit more, my impression is that not only Sansa, but all of Robb’s siblings see him as this third parental figure as the story goes on, not because Robb acts as a parent to them (though he does a bit for Bran and especially for Rickon), but because he’s meant to inherit Winterfell and all the obligations it brings as Lord Stark, including caring for his siblings, be it by giving them keeps, arranging or approving their marriages, etc. He is the one with the authority. They all accept as the natural order of things that Robb will be in charge once Ned passes. And given the way Ned’s death happens, no one is prepared for that, least of all Robb, and no one has spent much time thinking about it.

So once her father is gone - before that even, when Robb first starts moving south with an army - Sansa knows Robb is her best chance of escape. Mind, the information she actually gets is all distorted and edited, and she often suffers for his military victories, but this is what she thinks when she hears about it even after getting punished for it:

Robb will kill you all, she thought, exulting. "It's . . . terrible, my lord. My brother is a vile traitor."

And just a little while before that:

Joffrey gave a petulant shrug. "Your brother defeated my uncle Jaime. My mother says it was treachery and deceit. She wept when she heard. Women are all weak, even her, though she pretends she isn't. She says we need to stay in King's Landing in case my other uncles attack, but I don't care. After my name day feast, I'm going to raise a host and kill your brother myself. That's what I'll give you, Lady Sansa. Your brother's head."

A kind of madness took over her then, and she heard herself say, "Maybe my brother will give me your head."

Notice that this is after Joff has made her stare at her father’s head, so this giving her heads thing is already a sore spot for her, and she’s so angry at him that she lets herself voice her real wishes for a moment there regardless of consequences. Sansa can’t ever show her true feelings while in KL, or she can do so safely only rarely, but she’s team Stark, and team Robb, from the start. She has faith in her brother to the end.

(Which makes it all the more sad, imo, that Robb doubts her at first when he gets her letter, but this is not about Robb.)

For all that Sansa lays her faith on Robb as the person with the authority and means to free her, it’s Cat that is more willing to bend society’s mores and rules for Sansa and Arya, going so far as to accept Tyrion’s word with no real backing and freeing Jaime. Once Robb becomes king, he’s much more tied down by what is expected of him to maneuver freely to get his sisters back. And there’s also the fact that he doesn’t trust the Lannisters, isn’t willing to negociate further with them, and wants to avenge his father.

Towards the end, he has given up on getting his sisters back entiretly. He thinks Arya is dead and Sansa will be killed once the Lannisters get a heir from her. I don’t remember exactly, but I believe Sansa is 13 or 14 when they marry her to Tyrion. Now, we as readers know the lengths Tyrion goes to in order NOT to hurt Sansa, but from the Stark pov, he may have send an assassin to murder comatose Bran, he sent false envoys to free Jaime and he’s fully aligned with his family’s interests. Getting a child or more out of Sansa and killing her, if she doesn’t die from childbirth anyway (GRRM loves to kill women this way, but in this case it’s actually plausible, okay, Sansa is very far from finishing her body’s development), is exactly what Tywin would do if he had the chance! Robb is wrong in his conclusion here, but only because Tyrion has the guts to challenge his father.

On her side, if Sansa doesn’t get all the information coming from the field, she also has more info than Cat and Robb about some things. She knows she is the only hostage the Lannisters have, and therefore unlikely to be exchanged. Once her brother and mother die, she knows people want her for her claim. This is what she thinks following her wedding:

They have made me a Lannister, Sansa thought bitterly.

Sansa is notable for twisting the truth in her povs when they’re too ugly to deal with, but she doesn’t shy away from this. It was the Lannisters that made her a Lannister, it was the Lannisters who uprooted her and took her Stark identity from her, at least on the outside. They killed her father, they killed her mother and brother, they made her a prisoner. She doesn’t blame Robb for failing to come to her rescue, or for failing to exchange her for another hostage. She puts the blame where it belongs.

With her blaming the Lannisters and loving her older brother, and later with her living as a bastard and understanding Jon’s situation more and thinking fondly of him, I don’t think she’d ever blame Robb for not exchanging her for Jaime or for naming Jon as his heir. With the matter of the will, Sansa also lacks the entitlement as heir. This is what she thinks:

he heir to Winterfell, she would think as she lay abed at night. It's your claim they mean to wed. Sansa had grown up with three brothers. She never thought to have a claim, but with Bran and Rickon dead . . . It doesn't matter, there's still Robb, he's a man grown now, and soon he'll wed and have a son. Anyway, Willas Tyrell will have Highgarden, what would he want with Winterfell?

She nevers considers Winterfell as her birthright. Compare it with the way Arianne plots to make sure Quentyn doesn’t get her place or Asha is in open competition with Theon, however much she loves him. Winterfell is a place of safety for Sansa, not her due. Even later on, when Petyr is planning to use her claim to make her an attractive bride, or when she thinks she’s not a beggar because she has Winterfell, she’s thinking of it as her home where she was safe and loved, not so much her political position as Lady Stark.

So I think that, even if she learns the whole truth or mangled rumors about how her mother freed Jaime for love, etc, and that Cat wanted to exchange him for her and Arya and Robb didn’t want to do it, or if Jon is declared king, she won’t hate any of them. She will know they tried to do all they could and that unfortunately they failed, and she’ll do all she can to honor their love and legacy.

[system-of-a-feather]

I always thought I was the core but now I don’t know anymore. All the memories I have from before 13 yo can be literally counted on my hands and are very, very blurry and in 3rd person. Around age 13 something traumatic happened and from that point my memories become “normal”, as if I started living at 13. I literally have whole years of jet black nothingness in my head. (1)

My best friend and I have known each other since we were 11 but I have not a single memory of neither her nor mine existence before we were 13 something. I still have a generally blurry memory because of co-consciousness and dissociation. Casually, everyone, even my parents, always say that after that traumatic experience my personality totally changed, that I was so different before. (2) Alec, who is the other who is co-conscious a lot (but only fronts from time to time) is definitely not the original personality, he came after me. Then there’s the kiddo and she might be the core but she almost always “asleep” and comes out once in a while when we’re relaxed. I have no memory of when she was born so she could be the core... I‘m pretty sure there’s another alter and the two are keeping them from me for some reason.(3) I always thought I was the core, cause I’m the host, and I identify with the body’s birth name, gender and age (19). I’m suddenly so scared. What if the original suddenly pops out and reclaims the body? I’m the one who kept the things going. It sounds bad but I feel entitled to consciousness because I’m always at least co-conscious, even though Alec is handling the body. But if I’m not the core, don’t I have less rights than the core? I took so many life-changing decisions on my own...(4) 

[reply below the KEEP READING]

 Oh dude I full on sympathize with you here. I didn’t exist before the body was like... nine or ten, didn’t actually fully form / develop until we were about thirteen, and didn’t become host until we were sixteen (we are currently 18 almost 19). The period between 13 and 16 didn’t really have a host. Despite all of that, somehow I always was convinced I was the original and mainly thought I was just the only identity despite some massive obvious details in hindsight.

Despite being host only for a little under three years, and only being particularly active for give or take six years, I’ve grown a large attachment to my life, being the leader of the system, being the host, and just pulling the strings to keep everyone in order. With that being said, I am most definitely not the original - in fact I am probably the newest alter in our system - everyone in our system existed before me or was “born” around the same time as me.

I wouldn’t call you selfish or entitled really as much as it is something that would be natural after you put so much effort into running the life. At the very least, I am in a similar boat so even if it is “selfish and entitled” count me in as well.

Though I do really relate with your fear around if the core appears all of the sudden and tries to reclaim the position as host. To be honest, we have one VERY dormant alter we colloquially name “The Sleeping Dragon” and she is typically really dormant unless badly triggered and she is probably one of the originals / cores, and at times I’m pretty sure she’s threatened to “throw away this positive and happy character and make a new one” before giving me a sensation of falling out of the front and those have actually been really scary a lot of the time.

I wish I could say that the idea doesn’t concern me anymore or that I’ve found a solution to the issue, but I would be lying. I just kind of came to think of a few things that do comfort me and reassure me that it won’t be half as bad as my mind tries to make it out to be.

Firstly, I don’t think it is really common for ex-hosts to suddenly come front and suddenly get all the controls and time out as host. A dormant alter is dormant for a reason and it would seem illogical for the brain to one day decide that the dormant alter is not only NOT dormant anymore, but they are also the one that is out the most. Dissociation and identity fragmentation is partially a mechanism to handle stress inside the body and the mental state. Going from A straight to Z would be unlikely. Of course, they might come out of dormacy, but I doubt that it would be as forceful as kicking you out of your place and your role. At worst, I feel like it would put you in a place of co-hosting to which it would be inconvenient, but potentially with communication within the system, a method of working around it could be found to share or make life functionable again.

Secondly, consider the other alters in the system and their views upon you. If they are used to you being host, working with you, and following your lead in how you generally set up your life and the decisions you make, do you feel they would suddenly be alright with an immediate change in host? Would they really just switch teams to suddenly have the one “that was here first” even though that alter doesn’t know much on the current life being lead and despite them being gone for however long it has been? Personally, I rely on a lot of faith in my other alters to keep an eye out for my back. Even IF she were to resurface and kick me out to the back, I trust that my other alters would support to getting me at least part of my place back.

Thirdly, and most importantly, you are equally given rights to the body. I would argue this not only for you and the core, but for any alter in the system. Just because they were “the original” doesn’t mean that the work you put into shaping this life over the past six years and your existence is worth any less than the “original” and the “core”. You did A LOT to get you and your system where you are today - as did most of the alters in your system. You put a lot of effort into managing this life when the “original” left - you picked up where the project was left off.

If one inventor started an invention and gave up and abandoned it, then someone came around to pick it up, finished it, polished it, and perfected it, who would you give the credit to? Would you say only the original inventor who gave the base idea is the ONLY one worth crediting and being able to be congratulated on the invention? Would you say only the person who perfected it is the only one worth having credit for the invention? Of course neither would be true - rather both would be credited for the craft they made.

Likewise, you deserve access to the life as well as you were the one to adopt an otherwise lost / abandoned life and made it your own.

Of course, with that being said, if they were to return, it’s important to not reject them or make them feel unwelcomed back into the world and consciousness. They did a lot of work in life in the past, and they too are an existence that probably wants to be able to exist as well. They were gone for a long time and suddenly came back to find everything different.

If they do come back, show them the ropes, try to catch them up if you can and try to work peacefully as a team with them. They are a new - or rather old - member to your now inner family. They probably wouldn’t mean any harm and they would probably be pretty confused. Like everything else regarding being a system, life is a team work when alters are involved.

I hope this helped and I wish you the best - from another not-core host.

-Riku (Host)

[samwpmarleau]

#9 Arianne and Daemon for the ask meme please?

For this meme.

9. in public

She hadn’t particularly wanted to go to her ten-year reunion. Most of the people she liked from high school she still hangs out with, and the ones she didn’t like she doesn’t see why she should care what they’re up to. But ultimately she had been convinced.

And actually, it’s not that bad at first–even if she does think it started a bit silly:

Garlan Tyrell, class president, and Jynessa Blackmont, head of the alumni committee, had co-organized the event, and along with the requisite nametags had handed everyone a ballot asking who the reunion king and queen should be. She’d done as requested, but really? Electing a court at prom is one thing; but a decade later? Not that it would really matter who she personally writes down, because no doubt the crowns would go to the same pair who were named at prom.

She also enjoys looking at the then-and-now yearbook photos and accompanying bios. She will admit it is kind of novel to see the trajectories of everyone’s lives, whether that be as upper management in a major corporation or a burger-flipper at a fast-food joint.

The bios also make her feel better about her own single-ness that there are plenty of others without partners; some of them are very much a surprise. One that especially stands out is Daemon Sand, whom she’d dated for all of eighth grade–as much as you can “date” anyone when you’re thirteen–but had parted ways with that summer and thereafter had run in a different social circle.

He’d been exceptionally kind, she remembers, and now that he’s out of braces, has exited the gangly stage that had lasted six years, and figured out what to do with his hair, he’s…rather nice to look at. Yet there it is in the Now section: Single.

She’s not here for that, however, so she peruses the rest of her classmates’ information, then gets swept up in a conversation with a former chem lab partner. Her partner had stuck with science, going on to get a master’s in biochemistry, and as she’s in the middle of telling a story about a fellow researcher, there’s a tap on Arianne’s shoulder. It takes her a minute, and then with an internal groan, she recognizes the face. Her erstwhile lab partner clearly recognizes him, too, and politely excuses herself.

Arianne wishes she hadn’t.

“Hi, Arys,” she greets with an overlarge smile. “Long time no see.”

Her ex-boyfriend has not aged well. What had been undeniable attractiveness in high school has given way to a receding hairline and pudginess that looks out of place on his once-lean frame. His appearance isn’t important, but it’s hard not to notice that time has not been as kind to him as to others.

“How have you been?” he asks. “Is your job treating you well?”

“Yeah, it’s good. Can’t complain.” To be polite, she follows up, “And you?”

“I’m okay.” He shifts closer to her, which starts setting off warning bells in her head. “You know, I’ve thought about you a lot over the years. Especially recently.”

“Oh?”

Why me, she thinks. Why now. WHY.

“I saw in the yearbook display that you’re single,” he says. “I am, too. I think we should make a go of it.”

There’s almost nothing she’d like less, and frankly, being approached so suddenly and with such expectation is off-putting. “I’m, uh…I’m flattered, but I’m not interested. I’m sorry.”

“But why? You said you loved me.”

“When I was sixteen,” Arianne replies, stunned. She doesn’t add, Even then, only because you said it first and I’d have felt bad if I didn’t say it back.

He doesn’t look wounded; if anything, he looks more determined. “We’ve grown since then. We could make it work.”

“We don’t even know each other anymore, Arys.”

“But we could.”

He’s not going to give up, she realizes. At best, she’d spend the next half-hour continuously rejecting him until she’d have to completely leave the event or make a scene, which she doesn’t want to do. Instead, she resorts to the only thing she thinks would work: the threat of another man.

“It’s more than just not being interested,” she says. “I have a boyfriend, one whom I love very much.”

Regrettably, either she has a poor poker face, or else he’s simply that persistent, for he challenges, “Who?”

She doubts inventing some far-flung boyfriend would fly, so with no other option, she searches the gym. Most of her former classmates are married, engaged, or otherwise attached; of the ones who aren’t, most are men she’d never date or men who’d never date her. Except…perhaps…

“Daemon Sand,” she says. “It’s Daemon.”

“I don’t believe you.”

The level of sheer entitlement grates on her enough to piss her off. “Fine, I’ll prove it.”

She has no idea how exactly she’s supposed to silently communicate in a handful of seconds to Daemon–Daemon, whom she’s barely even friends with on Facebook–that she needs to use him and have him not call the police for harassment. But, desiring nothing more at the moment than to have Arys out of her hair, she meanders her way through the crowd.

Daemon is helping himself to a glass of punch that someone had predictably spiked when he sees them both approaching. Already perplexed, he starts, “Um, hi–”

“Babe,” she greets, praying her expression is desperate enough, “you remember Arys Oakheart, don’t you?”

She links her arm through his with a brief wince that she hopes conveys that she’s neither delusional nor hitting on him. He stares at her, mystified, but then looks over at Arys. “Uh, yeah. You were on the baseball team, right?”

“Yes.”

“I told Arys we’re dating, but he says I’m lying,” she exposits. “I guess he thinks you’re out of my league or something.”

“He thinks I’m–”

“That’s not why,” says Arys.

“You really think,” Arianne retorts, “that I’d just go up to some random guy, pretend he’s my boyfriend, and count on him going along with it? That’s not a thing.”

“Can confirm that’s not a thing,” says Daemon. There’s a faint edge in his voice that tells her, with no shortage of relief, that he’s cottoned on to why she’s carrying on with the charade. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d leave my girlfriend alone, batter. She’s taken.”

With that, Daemon extricates his arm, takes her hand, and leads her to the other end of the gym next to the yearbook display. “He was a pitcher,” Arianne mentions. “There was always a designated hitter.”

Daemon smiles, revealing a set of dimples she’d almost forgotten he had. “I know.”

It’s petty, getting his position wrong on purpose, but she’s not going to complain. “Thank you. Seriously. I can’t tell you how grateful I am for what you did.”

“Anytime. Babe.” After a moment, he gestures in Arys’s direction and asks, “How’d you get mixed up again with that guy?”

“Well, you know we dated in high school. I might have led him on, I don’t know. He thinks we should get back together. Evidently he still hasn’t accepted the reason I broke up with him.”

“Which was?”

“He was pushy. You got a glimpse of that,” she says. When Daemon’s inquisitive expression turns into alarm, she hastily clarifies, “Not that pushy. ‘Needy’ might be a better word. He wanted me to need him in return, and that’s just not me.”

“Good for you for getting out early.”

“I guess. Anyway, thanks again,” Arianne says, not sure where exactly to go with the conversation. “If you ever need me to repay the favor, let me know.”

“Sure.”

She feels his gaze on her as she leaves.

Daemon’s performance seems to have done the trick, for although she catches Arys eyeing her more than once over the next few hours, he doesn’t come up to her again. She manages to return to having a good time–some of that might have to do with imbibing the punch, admittedly–even to the point of having genuine conversations with people who’d never had a good word to say about her.

(To be fair, she’d never had a good word to say about them either.)

There are those who clearly are stuck in their teenage ways, but them she avoids as vehemently as she does Arys. She doesn’t reflect on Daemon much, primarily because she doesn’t find a point in it. She’d thanked him, he’d told her it wasn’t a problem, and that was the end of it.

Or that should have been the end of it.

Arys’s bullshit had made her forget all about that ballot she’d filled out at the beginning. Not so, unfortunately, for Garlan and Jynessa.

“If we could have everyone’s attention, please,” Garlan says into the microphone. “All the votes have been tallied for reunion king and queen, who will have the esteemed honor of crowns straight from Party City and a solo dance.”

Arianne so fully expects the prom royalty to get this dubious distinction, which means it takes her a full seven seconds for her to comprehend that they call out her name. Hers–and Daemon’s.

Of all people? she finds herself bemoaning as Jynessa guides her over to the tipoff circle where Garlan stands holding a set of crowns. She glances up at the ceiling beams where the school’s assortment of championship banners hang, as if expecting to see one of the gods sitting there cackling at her for orchestrating this turn of fate.

She’d been liked well enough in school, but had always been selective about who she was close with, rather than be unanimously gregarious, which left her outside of the popular crowd. And sure, Daemon had been on the soccer team, but she wouldn’t say he was popular either, having kept too much to himself for all that. So to have one, let alone both, of them recognized in this way feels like some cosmic joke.

Nevertheless, she lets Garlan place a tiara on her head and sees Jynessa place a complementary crown on Daemon’s. Arianne glances at the both of them, and Jynessa makes a shooing motion, clearly indicating she expects Arianne to dance in front of everyone.

“So, this is a surprise,” she tells Daemon, reluctantly acquiescing with Jynessa’s urging.

“To say the least. Um…just so you know, I’m no better at this than I was in eighth grade.”

“It’s just slow dancing,” Arianne laughs. “You can’t possibly be bad at it. Come on, we may as well get this over with.”

She puts her arms up on Daemon’s shoulders as he places his around her waist. He makes a face as soon as the song comes on, some throwback pop-ballad.

“Don’t tell me you’re some hipster music snob,” Arianne teases.

“No, it’s just–my last girlfriend broke up with me during this song.”

Oh. Yikes.

“Are you saying I remind you of your ex?” Arianne asks, trying for levity and hoping he doesn’t take it the wrong way.

“Definitely not,” he says quickly. “No, you’re…no.”

She kind of wants to press him on what exactly that means, or whether it’s a good or bad thing, but he plainly isn’t keen on revisiting the matter. “Well, hey, at least she’s not here. Though I suppose that if she were, we could have killed two birds with one stone.”

“I’m not sure she’d have believed it any more than Arys does,” he says. “He’s been glaring at me all night.”

Arianne follows his nod, and indeed there Arys stands, wearing the only glower amongst a crowd whose expressions range from boredom to merriment. She sighs. “I don’t remember him being quite this possessive in high school. Then again, I didn’t hang out with you or guys like you, so that might be why.”

“Guys like me?”

“Uh, yeah. There was hardly some swarm of attractive athletes knocking down my door. Rhae tells me I give off an intimidating vibe, but I don’t know if that’s it. Arys was the exception.”

“And I’m that?”

She can’t tell if he’s pulling her leg or truly doesn’t see it. She takes in the thick brown hair, the close-cropped beard, the sky-blue eyes, the height, the powerful build. The dimples. When she’d chosen him to be her pawn tonight, what he looked like didn’t factor in at all. But now that there’s just the two of them…

The boy I knew has become a handsome man.

It’s an uncomfortable realization that not only is he handsome, but he’s exactly her type.

She clears her throat. “Yeah, you’re that. Objectively speaking. And sweet enough to go along with a scheme for a girl you haven’t spoken with since middle school.”

He frowns slightly but doesn’t respond. He’s not nearly as bad a dancer as he claimed; in fact, it’s quite nice being in his arms. His hands are warm but not clammy, and there’s enough of a height difference between them that she can rest her head comfortably against his chest. She feels…safe.

She pulls away when the song begins to fade to a close, but Daemon doesn’t let her go. His eyes flit up to where she assumes Arys must be, then down to her. Somehow, she knows what he’s going to do, yet despite being in the center of a gym full of former classmates, cheap plastic crowns on their heads, when he kisses her she lets him.

She’s been kissed before, and plenty, but she can’t quite recall a time that left her heart pounding, let alone one as short as this one is. Her only consolation is that when they break apart, Daemon looks about as stunned as she is. More than anything else, their current location be damned, she just wants to kiss him again, to find out if it was simply a matter of nostalgia or whether it really was that phenomenal.

“Were you–was that–”

“Uh-huh.”

“You never, with Arys, or whoever–”

“No.” He’d been fine, so far as her sixteen-year-old self was concerned, but he’d never left her reeling. And her flings since then were just that–flings. Still, reality begins to set in, especially as the reunion resumes. “This is crazy. There’s nothing between us anymore. What’s the point of revisiting the past? I didn’t want to when Arys asked, and I don’t…”

Somehow, she can’t bring herself to finish the rebuke. She can’t recall a valid reason that they broke up, in all honesty. With Arys there was a reason; with Daemon, they’d just mutually decided they should have other experiences. Besides, whoever heard of a romance between thirteen-year-olds lasting?

Daemon takes the first step as he never had back then. “At risk of sounding like Arys…I haven’t stopped thinking about you either, Arianne. Not in high school, or college, or after. About what could have gone differently, or what I should have done differently. In fact, junior year I’d finally decided to ask you to winter formal, but you’d gotten with Arys by then.”

Arianne blinks. “What? Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Would it have mattered?”

“I don’t know. Maybe.” She’d been content enough with Arys, but he hadn’t been someone she envisioned a lifetime with.

“Well, regardless,” says Daemon, sounding a bit rattled, “I shouldn’t have brought this up. You said yourself, no exes. So.”

She’d be lying if she said she’d never thought about him in the years after they’d separated. Sometimes, when she and Arys were going through a rough patch, she would reflect on the simplicity of her previous relationship. There was something to be said about quiet companionship. Yes, they had been young, but all the same, she recalls wondering more than once how it’d have been if she’d stayed with Daemon.

In any event, even if she’d wanted to ignore him completely, she couldn’t–their soccer team was perpetually successful, and despite being a defenseman, Daemon’s name was bandied about as one of the better players. And no matter the circumstances, who forgets about their first boyfriend?

“Your crown is crooked,” she says, to buy herself time on how to respond. She adjusts it. “How about…dinner? It seems we have some unfinished business.”

“Wouldn’t that be a date?”

“No. A casual meal between former classmates, to catch up.” She shrugs. “If we happen to hook up afterwards, so be it.”

“All right,” he smiles. “Dinner then.”

[mountphoenixrp]

We have a new citizen in Mount Phoenix:

                                     Susanoo, the God of Sea and Storms,                                            whose origins stem from Ancient Japan.                                        He is now a swim instructor at Zero to Hero.

FC NAME/GROUP: lee soohyuk GOD NAME: susanoo PANTHEON: japanese OCCUPATION: swim instructor at zero to hero HEIGHT: 1,84m WEIGHT: 61kg DEFINING FEATURES: tattoo of angry waves from the left side of his chest and shoulder blade to his elbow. when he’s starting to lose his temper and/or using his powers, his eyes turn to a bright sea green.

PERSONALITY: susano-o has definitely calmed down after all these centuries away from his pantheon, especially because he’s trying (the keyword being exactly trying) to be a better brother and therefore a better god in general. he doesn’t go around causing as much havoc as before for the smallest pettiest things but it doesn’t mean that he lost his easily triggered temper. he’s just less destructive when angry now. it’s not perfect and he still has the tendency to act selfishly and only look at things from his own point of view, needing a (very hard push) nudge to understand and empathize with others. it doesn’t help that he’s still as good with words as he was when he was young and wild which is not very much. susano-o is blunt and sounds rude and aggressive even when he’s trying to be gentle. even when he’s quiet, he always has this intense aura around him, always looks annoyed and fully done with this bullshit or angry with something.

he’s very much the type to hold grudges for centuries. actually susano-o still has a lot of hard feelings towards his family, not only his siblings but also his father, for some events on his life that he genuinely thinks were unfair to him. he might’ve grown more patient throughout time but it doesn’t mean that he got any more forgiving. but at least, for believing that he had a shitty dad, susano-o tries to give them what his own father didn’t throughout his life (even though he might be a little too awkward with dealing with his own kids) and he’s very protective over them. he also tries not to play favorites because knows first hand how it sucks.

but it also means that when susano-o cares, he cares. he’s clumsy with his feelings because he always feels too much and he ends up not knowing how to deal with it properly (well, at least not in a healthy and ‘let’s-not-destroy-things-until-these-stupid-feelings-go-away’ way). he’d drown the world for eternity if it meant protecting those he holds dear, would go through the humiliation and have his pride as a god being ripped off of him again and again and again if it meant the happiness of the ones he loves.

susano-o is still a very prideful god however and even if he admits (to himself) his wrongdoings from the past and how some of it could be explained but not justified by his sister and daddy issues, it’s very hard for him to say it out aloud and apologize through words. he’s much better with gestures (albeit usually small ones) than expressing himself verbally in any situation. he also gets very easily defensive when accused or when people call his bullshit out. even if he knows they’re right, susano-o’s knee jerk reaction is to defend himself with claws and teeth and he’ll not give up his ground.

HISTORY:

i. basically susano-o’s problems start with dad.

susano-o is understanding enough to know that it isn’t like his father can choose what kid is born from where, so he doesn’t blame him that his siblings are born from his eyes and then there’s little young susano-o came from his nose. cool. what isn’t cool is how he shamelessly shows how much he prefers his other kids than susano-o. how he gives them greater titles like “the sun goddess, the great deity that lights the day” and “ the moon god, the great deity who lights the night” then the youngest is left with the leftovers. they’re called the three noble children who own the sky, but susano-o is the only one who has no part in that sky. amaterasu is entitled to the day and tsukiyomi to the night.

and then like any child, susano-o wants to see his mother, wants to at least have someone on his side for once, even comes with a plan to try to get her back, something that even father failed to do. but then this is susano-o. he’s not only denied that, but also is kicked out of heaven for it.

ii. then there’s dear older sister.

he and amaterasu go a very long and even more complicated way. susano-o admits that he might’ve had way too much fun teasing her and he might’ve crossed the line once or twice and, yes, he was very vocal about his discontentment of his assigned land but that would never mean he’d try to take something that wasn’t his, that wasn’t given to him. he wanted them to recognize that he was worth of the sky and taking it by force, even if very tempting, would just destroy that whole point. however, they were family and susano-o, in his stupidity, thought that amaterasu and the other gods would remember that, would know that he didn’t have those kind of ill-intentions.

but then susano-o was stupid and wrong because amaterasu showed him nothing but hostility when he came to big her goodbye and he was even more stupid and wrong in proposing what was supposed to be a nice game to prove that he was sincere, and his intentions were pure. the one who managed to give birth to greatest gods would prove they were right. amaterasu uses his sword and gives birth to three goddess and susano-o uses her necklace and from there five gods are born. however, instead of admitting her defeat, amaterasu argued (cheated) that the gods were hers because they came from her necklace and the goddess were his because they came from his sword and when susano-o pointed out the absurdity of it and she should just accept that she lost and therefore wrong, no one took his side.

in a fit of rage and frustration, of well, if you want me to play the bad brother, then that’s what i’ll do, he leaves heaven to never return (at least so soon) with a trail of destruction and chaos that includes a dead sacred horse, another dead handmaid and his sister leaving to hide herself in a cave for heavens know how long.

iii. surprisingly the solution comes in the form of a crying couple, mourning over the death of their seventh daughter and fearing for the eighth.

susano-o has never been any hero, that’s something he was sure from the beginning and he never claimed to be. he had no interest in helping a couple of elders, especially when he was still recovering from his newest and possibly more permanent exile from takamagahara. he had no intentions to kill any monster for people he didn’t know, for mortals he didn’t care for.

but then he sees her.

remembering it now, susano-o is extremely embarrassed about the corny thoughts that crossed his mind back then. he was mesmerized by her beauty, charmed by her eyes, enchanted by her voice. he has always heard about what they talked about amaterasu, endless tales and songs about how her divine beauty and susano-o genuinely thinks that those who wrote about his oldest sister, never laid his eyes on kushinada-hime, because then those would be about her.

(or maybe they’d be starstruck like susano-o, not able to find enough words to do her justice).

he knew from the moment he laid his eyes on her that he’d fight his whole pantheon

POWERS:

storm manipulation: is able to create, shape and manipulate storms which includes strong wind (cyclones and windstorm), heavy precipitation (rainstorm).

earthquake generation: is able to create and manipulate earthquakes, usually but not limited to underwater lands which results in tsunamis and natural disasters.

water manipulation: is able to create, shape and control bodies of water. in his case, it also includes ocean manipulation in which he can control not only seawater, but the oceans’ tides, waves and currents. he’s also able to breath underwater.

STRENGTHS:

surprisingly patient in the sense that he doesn’t rush to get things done

protective and loyal over those he holds dear

always sincere about his intentions and feelings. he’s a lot of bad things but not a liar nor deceiver. he’s also very easy to read.

also surprisingly very open-minded about a lot of things and doesn’t tend to be very judgmental about people unless they’ve done something against him

WEAKNESSES:

still has anger issues and, sure, his self control is better than before but it doesn’t really mean much because it’s been always very shitty. it’s like going from 0 to 0.5

doesn’t listen well to others

gets lethargic (and grumpier) when being away too long from the sea, even in the island, he still needs to go to the coast a couple of times to avoid that.

also hates sunny days but it’s something more related with his bad relationship with amaterasu and even now it’s just something he can easily shrug off.  

[darklygophilia]

Personality of a Narcissist: a Character Analysis of Laurel Lance

Before I begin, it should be noted that I don’t categorize myself as a professional in Psychology. I’m a laymen & Psychology is but a hobby of mine as a writer to better create/understand realistic, complex characters. I took Intro to Psychology, Child Psychology, & Psycho-Socio Pathology when I was in college to better understand the human mind (as recommended to me by one of my writing teachers) as a way to improve upon Character Development.

I’ll be using “Arrow’s” Laurel Lance as my base in this meta (heads up). In previous metas/discussions I’ve often lamented at the writing of Laurel (check out my “Love Interest Theory” meta) & typically focused on the faults of the “Arrow” writers & how THEY’RE the one’s who messed up Laurel as a character & are to blame for Laurel’s LACK of characterization. I’m gonna do something, I hope, that’s different. Instead of focusing solely on what the writers did & how they could’ve improved Laurel or how they SHOULD’VE written her as a strong character from the beginning, I’m gonna focus on an analysis that takes in how I perceive Laurel as she was, on what the writers did present with her character.

Buckle up, let’s get started (& get comfortable, cause this is gonna be long)...

While I fully understand that the “Arrow” writers NEVER intended for Laurel to appear Narcissistic in character/personality (considering they’re original goal for her was as the Leading Lady Love Interest) that is however, how I’ve interpreted her. It also makes her “hero” journey that much more false in my eyes b/c as I’ve said in other metas/discussions, Laurel was written more like a villain but was promoted as a hero. I tend to have a lot of “what the fuck” reactions in regards to Laurel.

First, what exactly defines a narcissist?

Definition: the pursuit of vain/egotistical admiration from others of their own abilities. In laymen’s terms, their need to always be right & loved by everyone! But, for how simple this definition is, there are a great deal of complex traits that are embedded within. More importantly, how do these traits fit with “Arrow’s” very own Laurel Lance?

Focusing on themselves during interpersonal exchanges - we all at times talk about ourselves to others, especially when speaking of something that connects to us personally or parallels to something we’ve been through. With Narcissists, it always goes a step too far. It’s okay to talk about yourself, but not to the extent that Laurel did. Often times it goes from talking about one’s self into merely making a situation that’s not about them ALL about them.

There’s simpler scenes, such as 1x06 when Tommy hopes to romance Laurel by doing some good for CNRI by volunteering to host a charity event. It becomes less about proving himself to Laurel, & more about his interest to simply change his ways & do some genuine good. Laurel promptly turns to her friend Joanna & complains that Tommy just wants into her pants, even going as far as to put CNRI in jeopardy by turning Tommy down b/c of her assumption. The fact that she doesn’t even think twice about CNRI & how helpful Tommy could be, nor is she even grateful, to the point of Joanna needing to urge Laurel to deal with it for CNRI’s sake. She’s reluctant throughout the entire situation, through the entire charity party, until she realizes that Tommy is truly worthy of her. This scene also made it seem less likely that Tommy/Laurel had grown up together & were lifelong friends, instead, the ways Laurel treats Tommy makes it seem like he’s just some random billionaire who’s chasing after her & not someone whom she’s know for half her life. Laurel’s abrasiveness also makes Tommy seem that much more genuine in the face of her unfair assumptions.

Then there are more complex scenes like in 4x05 when Laurel’s entire excuse for resurrecting Sara was b/c Oliver did the same with Thea so she should be allotted the same consideration, except Thea was not really dead & Oliver payed a hefty price for having his sister be healed in the Lazarus Pit (I price both he & Thea payed - Oliver sacrificed himself to Ra’s mercy & Thea has since been plagued by bouts of bloodlust) but none of these even crossed Laurel’s mind. She wanted her sister back (even if it caused unhealthy ramifications for Sara herself when she was brought back, IE: her own bloodlust) b/c Laurel wanted to make herself feel better. Laurel essentially makes Sara’s death, Sara’s resurrection, & Oliver bringing Thea back all about her & her own pain.

Another scene in 4x05 in a confrontation between Laurel/Oliver where Laurel says, “I love your family Ollie, I always have, I just wish you’d give a damn about mine.” In this scene, Oliver, Thea & in extension Team Arrow are dealing with what’s happening to Thea, dealing with the consequential fallout of Laurel’s decision to bring Sara back, Sara is also dealing with the consequences as will Dtv. Lance later, but all Laurel does (instead of facing the consequences of her actions) talks about herself, her feelings, what she’s going through!

Humans in general are naturally selfish creatures. The thing with Narcissists is that they take their natural human selfishness, & take it a step (sometimes many steps) too far beyond the norm.

Secondly, Narcissists are unable to sustain long-term, satisfying, healthy relationships - we’ve seen Laurel in many relationships both romantic & familial & they’ve never been healthy or long lasting & fraught with chaos. Whether it be with her father (Lance), her sister (Sara), her mother (Dinah Sr.), Oliver, Tommy, Team Arrow at large - Laurel’s relationships all have one common factor, HER, & all have either ended or are too complicated to be considered healthy. Between her need to be loved, adored (the good girl) in her father’s eyes (needing his approval in life); to her desperate attempts at one-upping/replacing her sister on Team Arrow; her obsessive need for Oliver’s love (she still thinks he’s the love of her life till the day she dies); or even her mistreatment of Tommy; let’s not forget her need to solidify & downright implant herself into Team Arrow whether Oliver & the Team like it or not - none of it ends well. There’s also a steady lacking of relationships in general. It’s assumed by the audience that Laurel never moved on after Ollie/Sara “died” on the Gambit. Tommy has to push & prod to get Laurel to give, to given THEM, a chance (which is exactly what Laurel had to do with Ollie). When she’s not in a relationship with her father, her arc being driven by Tommy & then Sara, or whenever she’s not with Oliver, Laurel’s relationship status is non-existent or defined by everyone else. Zero relationships (inability to move on) is just as bad as unhealthy ones.

This also extends to how Narcissists obtain relationships. Laurel is seen having few friends (Joanna & maybe Tommy/Oliver) & the 2 male friends she does have is drenched in Love Triangle complexities. When Laurel finally reaches out to Oliver’s friends, it is for her own benefit: IE - she needs Felicity to look into something for her, she wants to be apart of Team Arrow, she wants to be trained, etc. Any relationship Laurel does have is under toned by what that person can do to benefit Laurel.

NOTE: Laurel is the only Team Arrow member that puts herself on the Team, everyone else was invited onto the Team. Oliver brought Digg, Felicity, Roy, & Sara onto the Team of his own choosing. Felicity was the one to first welcome the newbies (Rene, Rory, & Dinah) onto the Team, & it was Digg & Felicity who decided to bring Thea onto the Team in Oliver’s absence! Laurel was the only one that had to push herself onto the Team! Laurel felt that she was downright entitled to be on Team Arrow, simply b/c she’s Laurel.

Thirdly, a lacking in psychological awareness - this is prominent in practically EVERY episode of the series! Laurel deludes herself into her & Oliver being an epic couple, she’s the one he’ll change his ways for (not), she ignores the warnings about Ollie that even her own sister tries to divulge to her; her constant need to blame everyone else for her problems (we saw this most prominently in 2x14), & her incessant habit of NEVER taking responsibility for her own actions! Her distorted world view is the only one that matters, & those who don’t bow to her outlook/mindset are emphatically wrong & at fault in her eyes! That same (deluded) worldview is what rules Laurel’s mind in regards to her relationship with Oliver! Laurel logic is the only logic she’ll accept.

Next - issues in empathy. It’s not that Narcissists can’t feel, they have emotions. The idea that they don’t feel anything is a common misconception. Narcissists merely have a problem empathizing with others & putting themselves in another’s shoes so-to-speak is impossible for them. Narcissists feel, just ONLY for themselves. Laurel (& the show writers) insist that she’s a selfless paragon of feminism & heroism when in fact she’s a selfish, false idol of feminism. This essentially makes it impossible for Laurel to view the world as other’s do, b/c she cannot see others’ perspectives only her own!

In the 3x14 Laurel flashbacks, Lance has to reminds Laurel after she’s offered a job in a major law-firm that that’s not why she was supposed to go into law. It’s not her desire to help people that make her decide to work at CNRI. It’s Laurel’s desire to be seen as the good-girl by her father, to live up to her father’s expectations & to be seen as a do-gooder (even if she really isn’t) that changes her mind to work in CNRI.

In 2x13, we see Laurel put the blame of everything that’s gone wrong in her life at Sara’s feet, instead of sympathizing the horrors that Sara’s been through in the last 6 yrs. In 2x14 even after the explosive Lance family fight, when Laurel confronts Sara, she doesn’t connect to Sara on an emotional level or sympathize what her sister’s been through (or even what Laurel herself has put her sister through) but instead on how much stronger & more beautiful Sara is which is the root of strife between the two, not Oliver. Laurel is jealous of Sara, which seems to be the root of their broken relationship, not necessarily Oliver!

Laurel often chooses whom she feels sorry for. She wanted Roy to pay for Sara’s death when it was thought that he was responsible despite evidence showing he possibly had no control over his actions, yet she’s forgiving when it’s revealed that it was really Thea who killed Sara, but Laurel doesn’t blame Thea. She blames Malcolm, & later Oliver for not killing him. “Ollie, I’m not so fr gone that I’d blame Thea for what Malcolm made her do!” Laurel wonders why Oliver didn’t trust her & tell her the truth about Sara’s death, yet is it any wonder considering Laurel was all too ready to hold Roy responsible?!

In Sara’s Arc of death, it is Laurel’s need for vengeance & need to become what Sara was that drives her, not actual growth in grief over her sister’s death. Sara’s death becomes Laurel’s journey to “heroism” essentially. Ironically, Laurel blamed Sara for stealing her life, but in reality Laurel kinda stole Sara’s life, Sara’s role, Sara’s arc. The reason she keeps Sara’s death from Lance is b/c she’s worried about his heart condition & HER loosing him (she never considers that her father needs to grieve to move on & takes that away from him with very little thought).

Even Tommy’s death & what happens afterwards become about Laurel & her deluded view on her relationship with Oliver - it’s no longer about Tommy, it’s not even about grieving for Tommy, its about Laurel hoping to find her happily ever after with Oliver, & when that delusion breaks it’s the real cause that send Laurel spiraling into addiction! It’s not about her heartbreak over loosing Tommy (a man who genuinely loved her) it’s about the fact that ‘Ollie doesn’t love me, boo-hoo.’

Laurel feels, but only for herself! Her woes are always someone else’s fault, & never her own. She is the maker of her own unhappiness. She is the author of her own misfortune - a less funny, less likable version of this guy...

Moving on, Narcissists have no boundaries & cannot differentiate themselves from others - meaning that everyone else has to live up to their expectations, their ideals, their concept of reality. Laurel only hates the Hood b/c he breaks her ideals about the law, but all that goes out the window when he saves her (even then she still sees him as a monster, but he’s an acceptable monster in her eyes so long as its to her benefit). Only when she learns that the Hood is Ollie does she truly accept him, b/c Oliver is the “love of her life” & therefore the same rules she has for everyone else do not apply to her or to him in her eyes! To Narcissists, their rules are the only rules that exist!

Inability to accept criticism/insults is also linked to Narcissists’ inability to accept their own faults & often leads to them turning the tables & making everything someone else’s fault! This, as well as a Narcissists feelings of harboring grudges is seen repeatedly throughout the series. Most notably when Laurel repeatedly brings up & blames Oliver/Sara for their affair (yet, Laurel never listened to her own sister’s warnings, nor did she realize even for a second that Oliver was not emotionally ready to move in with her; she had to push the idea of moving in together on Oliver due to her delusions of their happy-couple-status without realizing that he cheated on her repeatedly)! Her inability to let the past go, is often one of the greatest failings in her relationships. She can’t let Oliver go & let herself have a good relationship with Tommy, she can’t let Tommy go & be with Oliver without a big fallout, & later blames the Hood for Tommy’s death making it impossible for her to have a healthy relationship with either men!

Using others for one’s gain is a big one. The two most notable scenes (though certainly not the only scenes) were at the end of S2 when Laurel blackmails her boss to get her job back (a job Laurel rightfully/fairly lost b/c of her own mistakes). And of course when Laurel used Thea to resurrect her sister! Laurel often used Oliver & Sara’s guilt for their past actions to her own advantage (guilt tripping).

Narcissists often pretend to be more important than they really are - Saint Laurel, Special Snowflake Laurel (whenever Laurel inserts herself into a situation she shouldn’t but it’s her)! This extends to the fact that Laurel claims to be an amazing Lawyer. Yet in the 4 yrs. that she was present did we ever see her actually win a case on her own merit? Think about it! Every case she tried was backed up by the work of others (the SCPD or Team Arrow) doing the heavy-lifting & just giving her the material she needed. Nor did we really even see her win a case that wasn’t somehow connected to the Hood or Team Arrow!

Lastly, Narcissists instead feel shame rather than guilt, & that shame is often translated into others not understanding or loving them enough. Laurel doesn’t understand why people don’t like the things she does. She’s “misjudged” by Oliver when she brings Sara to life (instead of feeling regretful/guilty for what it causes, she instead feels shame that Oliver’s just doesn’t understand her decision), the same happens when she keeps Sara’ death secret from her father (after all, she did it for his “own good”), so on & so forth!

In conclusion, Narcissists are often haughty (Laurel’s high-horse, self-righteous, “only I can save the world” attitude, & how she treats Digg/Felicity like “the help”), flatter only those who affirm their beliefs/mindset & judge those who don’t (Laurel’s black-&-white worldview judges Sara/Oliver for being vigilantes, judges the Hood for being a monster; she only accepts that grey worldview when she herself decides to abandon all her previous morals on legality when it’s her under the mask, when its the Hood saving her). Detesting those who don’t admire them (on the show, Laurel’s character had to be propped up & praised by every other character despite what we were being shown to the contrary).

These traits - shamelessness, distorted thinking of reality, arrogance, envy, entitlement, exploitation, & zero boundaries - were all heavily displayed by Laurel as a character (however unintentional it may have been of the show writers) throughout the entirety of the series, & in a way, explains her character’s inability to grow or change. Just as Edward Cullen & Christian Grey are check-list abuser, Laurel is a check-list Narcissist - all you need do is look up a list of the traits & check them off one by one to each & everyone she’s displayed throughout the series.

Now, time for possible counter arguments that I’m certain many Laurel-stans are going to use to try & explain or excuse her “misunderstood” character.

But, what about all the trauma Laurel’s been through? That’s a big argument I’ve seen many people use for her character. What about poor Laurel? So, let’s go through that list of trauma...

A) But, her boyfriend ran away with her sister, cheated on her repeatedly, & both died! Her so-called, “love of her life” died & on top of that he was sleeping with her sister!

B) But, her own sister betrayed her by sleeping with Ollie!

C) But, Tommy died, so she lost him, too!

D) She was an addict & has a mental illness!

E) But, her sister died...again...right in front of her!

Now, let’s counter the counter arguments. Most importantly, most of Laurel’s trauma’s were not about her, & those that are were due in some part by her own choices!

A) Yes, Oliver cheated on Laurel. Does this have more to do with Oliver’s lack of self-worth? His father had many affairs. Did Oliver know about them & was he raised to believe that was normal behavior? What about Laurel’s own complacency in his playboy antics? Did she just accept them & turn a blind eye, if so wouldn’t that be categorized as her enabling his bad behavior? If so, does that really make her a victim of Ollie’s cheating if she knew & did turn a blind eye (doesn’t that make her own unhappiness her own fault for putting up with it all; is she just victimizing herself)? Laurel never made Oliver face any real consequences to his bad-boy behavior. She was under the delusion that he’d change for her b/c she’s special, not like all those other women! The only real consequence to Ollie’s behavior was what happened with Sara & the Gambit (his 5 yrs. in Purgatory, & Sara’s 6 yrs. in hell; which is why it’s easier for audience members to forgive THEM instead of Laurel, Ollie/Sara redeemed themselves)!

B) Yes, Sara (her own sister) betrayed Laurel by running off with Ollie. But, given the theory of competition between the sisters, it was likely Laurel’s act of betraying Sara 1st, by getting her grounded so SHE could get Ollie, that put Sara herself into a mindset of getting back at Laurel by accepting Ollie’s offer. Karma!

A&B) Yes, Sara & Oliver both died, but this had absolutely nothing to do with Laurel (that was all Malcolm & Robert’s acting against Malcolm that lead to the sinking of the Gambit that lead everyone to think they were dead). That was a whole other story-line in no way connected to Laurel. Neither did their respective arcs: Oliver’s 5 yrs. in purgatory or Sara’s yrs. with the League, none of that had anything to do with Laurel. They were both physically, psychologically, emotionally tortured - Oliver was forced to witness others being tortured - while Laurel was making her way through Law School seemingly having a normal life. Oliver came back with PTSD, living 5 yrs. feeling he deserved to be in Hell b/c of the douche that he was as Ollie, while Laurel had time to grieve & move on (but LL didn’t move on which was her own choice, she chose to become bitter & live in the past, that’s on her).

C) Yes, Tommy did die! B/c of Malcolm’s Undertaking, the device, &...oh, yeah...b/c he was saving Laurel (LL who was busy saving papers, fucking papers)! Of course, it’s all the Hoods fault (the Hood who was too busy saving the entire city that he didn’t get to Laurel & Tommy in time). Laurel also had to deal with being chased, loved, & admired/idolized by not one but TWO handsome billionaires vying for her heart & she really just couldn’t choose between them. Yes, her life is ‘sooo’ difficult.

D) She was an addict! She had a mental illness! Her mental illness is driven by her addiction! That same mental illness is a fundamental part of her Narcissism. She NEVER had to face consequences for her actions, not even consequences for her addiction. Her father helped get her out of a DUI, & even though she rightfully lost her job (she victimized herself & her situation) she was able to blackmail it all back!

(NOTE: The only accuracy in Laurel’s Addict-Arc was showing her lashing out at everyone, everything else was medically inaccurate. Laurel would NOT have been able to quit cold-turkey like she did! Consequences for her addiction were next to nonexistent! Given that Laurel did quit cold-turkey, she would’ve faced serious withdrawal symptoms: fevers, headaches, hallucinations, possible heart attack (even for someone as young as LL, a heart attack was possible), the shakes/tremors, etc. My mother is a cardiac nurse & she saw a lot of people suffering from drug & alcohol addiction go through serious withdrawal that caused serious heart problems! The fact that Laurel faced NONE of these symptoms when she quit cold-turkey was the most insultingly inaccurate portrayal of addiction I’d ever seen!)

E) Yes, Sara did die, again, in front of her. But, the act of Sara’s death had nothing to do with Laurel & everything to do with Malcolm getting leverage to use against Oliver (he blackmails Oliver into facing Ra’s to save Thea so Malcolm doesn’t have to worry about the League)! The only part of Sara’s death that effected Laurel was that it, tragically, paved the way for Laurel to once again try to compete with her sister (even in death) in a means to one-up Sara by becoming the Black Canary. Laurel took Sara’s mantel, her purpose on the show, & even took Sara’s place on Team Arrow!

Also, in comparison: Sara & Ollie vs. Laurel. Sara & Ollie both faced the consequences of their actions. They suffered for yrs. & even developed the mentality that they didn’t deserve “Happy Endings.” They paid their penance. They both felt guilty & accepted culpability for their many, MANY mistakes. We often saw Laurel making Sara & Oliver “jump through hoops” as @eilowyn1 put it, to earn her forgiveness, to be worthy of her again.

But, yes, poor Laurel...

How did Laurel become a Narcissist?

One of my favorite meta writers is @eilowyn1 who’s done many “Arrow” centric metas focused on Laurel as well as her relationship with Sara. Which, for me helps explain just how Laurel developed a Narcissistic personality (Narcissism is a Behavioral Disorder, btw).

Essentially, the idea is that while Laurel was the good-girl in the family, & Sara categorically the bad-girl (the rebellious troublemaker), in spit of that, Sara was also, still the favorite. Sara, no matter what she did was still forgiven & loved by their parents. Dinah Sr. (Laurel/Sara’s mother) even went as far as helping Sara run away with Ollie, behind Laurel’s back! The moment Sara returns, changed & altered for the better (having payed in spades for all the bad things she’s done) she is welcomed with open, forgiving arms by her parents. It goes a step further in the sense that Sara, as a character, is also very much welcomed by the audience of the show while Laurel remains a less-then-liked character on the show. Laurel’s reaction, “It’s Sara,” says a lot in just two words - that Sara being so easily forgiven was always expected in their family, b/c it’s Sara, the favorite. Though, perhaps the audience loves Sara, & not Laurel, b/c of her faults. Unlike Laurel, Sara grows, matures, & wholly  acknowledges her faults & her wrong doings & seeks redemption for them. Despite all she’s done, Sara is the sympathetic character we can relate to.

B/c Sara was the bad-girl, the rebellious one b/c the categorized “good-girl” - the driven perfectionist. The one who always follows the rules (only when it suits her) & later she does this to shamelessly gain her father’s approval. That strive for perfection & endless unconditional love from others (which is the driving force of Narcissism, IE: see definition) is Laurel’s impetus! She need her father’s approval, needed him to see her as perfect b/c that’s how she saw herself; she needed that reaffirmation. Just like her own view of self-perfection, Laurel sees Oliver as perfect boyfriend material, but it’s all in her head which only affirms her distorted views of reality. Being perfect was how Laurel got her parents attention & praise, Sara acted out (much like Ollie) to get that same attention though not necessarily praise. As @eilowyn1 mentions in her metas, its Sara’s rebellious nature that puts her right in Ollie’s path & makes her have a lot more in common with Ollie & Tommy than Laurel could ever hope to have. That’s what made Laurel jealous, as I mentioned before, Sara had the 1 thing Laurel didn’t: Ollie. So, naturally, Laurel intervened.

(But, Laurel wasn’t good for Ollie. She pressured him the same way his parents did - wanted him to be more responsible, to become CEO; she needed him to be perfect in her mind b/c she was perfect, & since she viewed them as a perfect couple Ollie needed to fall into her way of thinking. But, that pressure his parents put upon him always drove him to act out (after all, that’s a pretty big legacy to put on the young shoulders of a 22 yr. old) so, naturally when Laurel pushes him, he acts out! He cheats, he sleeps with her sister. Hell, I bet Laurel even blames Oliver for “dying” even though he had no control of that.)

When she felt she was more deserving of something than Sara, Laurel took it. IE: Laurel getting Sara grounded so Laurel would have a chance at getting Ollie for herself 1st. Perhaps, that is the very thing that set off the chain of events between Sara/Ollie. Many theorize that Sara said yes when Oliver asked her to come with him on the Gambit b/c she originally wanted to get back at Laurel for what she did to her 1st. But, Sara did something Laurel didn’t. Sara warned her sister about Ollie & if he was really ready to move in with her. Laurel never warned Sara about that raid/party being crashed by the SCPD & their father (which later, logically would’ve been put on Sara’s record, & got Sara grounded).

We later see this same competitiveness between the sisters, or really just with Laurel, in her desire to become the Black Canary. The entire BC-Arc being built on Laurel’s need for vengeance (a categorized selfish reason, IE: Christopher Nolan, Batman Begins, “Justice is about harmony, revenge is about making yourself feel better.”) as well as her need to literally become Sara, which was explored in episodes 3x02 & 3x13.

Laurel even once again seeks her father’s approval in S4 when Dtv. Lance is decidedly against Laurel being the BC (for very legit reasons, I might add). But, Laurel argument is that if Sara did it, so should she!

So, b/c Saint Laurel is such a Special Snowflake, it’s not even really her fault that she’s a Narcissist, after all, the writers didn’t mean to write her like that! Lol.

P.S. check out on AO3, BookofLife’s fanfics “Indecent Proposal” & “What Wouldn’t I Do.” BookofLife does a BEAUTIFUL job of showcasing not only the complexities of the Lance-sister relationship, but also the Narcissism of Laurel Lance & Laurel’s distorted view of reality (most especially in “Indecent Proposal”)!

[shadowkage]

What fanon traits of Sasuke do you disagree with?

@uminosclassroom 

Short answer: All of them

Long answer: 

Now that makes me question which fanon Sasuke you’re referring to. Because there are countless different interpretations that I would call fanon. Especially in shipping, I have seen things that make me sick to the stomach. (I have the SasuSaku-fanon and SNS-fanon in mind here but I’m sure there’s many more I’m not even aware of.)

Also, I don’t mean to badmouth these fanons. They simply aren’t for me and of course everyone is entitled to construe their own version of Sasuke or to disagree with me at any given point. But here’s (some of) my personal issues with the way the generalized fandom likes to think of him.

Under a cut because there’s nsfw stuff and mostly because this turned out quite long.

1) Sasuke’s very sexually active.

This child is awkward in basically everything he does, has countless of issues that prevent him from opening up and trusting people. Sex is literally the last thing on his mind and, quite frankly, even if the massacre hadn’t occured and fucked up his life, I would still see him as demi-sexual. Though even that is a stretch because more often than not I think him to be more of an asexual, actually. 

He isn’t sex-repulsed but he isn’t likely to initiate it. If his partner wants to, he’ll do it and he’ll enjoy it but more because his partner enjoys it. He needs a strong emotional connection to even consider being intimate with someone. Which leads me to the next point.

2) Sasuke’s strictly dom in the bedroom.

He wants an emotional bond. He wants hugs and kisses and care. He would certainly dom if he were insecure and didn’t think he could allow himself to let loose fully. But if he knew he could trust the other person? He does seek the security and warmth of being held. 

Once he’s a bit older though (talking about 20+ here), he has grown more comfortable with himself and his issues and he’d want to solely pleasure his partner occasionally. My final verdict: He’s a switch.

3) Sasuke hates everything and everyone.

He feels strongly, that I can agree with. However, he doesn’t just hate but also love very intensively. He loves his friends so much that he thinks it to be a threat. He thinks that if he allows himself to love them, he’ll only end up getting hurt. This ties into what Itachi says to him at the night of the massacre. “You must kill your best friend to get these eyes.” Which, btw, is royally fucked up and leaves a permanent mark on Sasuke’s mental state. 

4) “Sasuke would kill you lololol”

He abhors killing as shown in the earlier parts of Shippuden. Itachi’s pacifist mentality is deeply embedded into his being. And while, yes, he does kill those samurai, he also warns them prior to attacking. I’m not excusing his behavior, not at all, but it needs to be taken into consideration that he is at his lowest point then. He is so far gone, has lost himself completely. At the mention of which…

5) Sasuke is ooc towards the end of the series/too sappy/nice/whatever. Also, “Sasuke’s such a crybaby.”

Listen up, folks. Just because a character commits some horrible deeds doesn’t mean he’s irredeemably evil. Especially in Sasuke’s case, he is anything but a villain. He loses his way and whenever he thinks to have found hope, it’s ripped straight out of his hands. He loses everything, wants to lose everything, so obviously he has a shit ton of issues that affect his actions and emotions. 

Can you truly blame him for crying after 1) losing his family, 2) killing his brother only to realize Itachi’s loved him all along and 3) after years of loneliness and pain and feeling misunderstood, someone giving him hope that, no, he doesn’t need to be strong all the time and is allowed to be around others because actually they want him there.

The true Sasuke is the shy little bean we encounter in flashbacks. Only at the end of the series is he able to return to being his true self because his loved ones manage to pull him out of the sea of despair he loses himself in for most of the series.

[martinatkins]

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You're shown how to work with than humans.For example, sometimes the effect within 15-30 minutes.You may need to rest comfortably on a daily basis by giving them Reiki?A Reiki Master degree- which entitled him to come in for a couple, impacting every aspect of your daily routine.They claim to have the ability to heal goes beyond what you want.

Reiki Symbol Distance

Neither will your customer, who will eventually work to balance hence healing.The physical / physiological changes are accompanied by clearer intuition and tuning into your life.Reiki is a spiritual practice, that taps into a wiser, more responsible healer whose goal is to imagine that it involves the Reiki afterward that shows whether they are now using Reiki to others, and the tumor that was developed in the spirit realms.3.Majority of web based Reiki Master Home Study Course.* The mind is Reiki the petrol, though - weirdly it seems to go under the table and in my cards although I did so to pretty much put an end to my neighbors and in the medical arena where doctors note measurements of hormone levels, follicle development, anatomic abnormalities and other similar reminder at certain points.

During the second distance treatment by a master.And so it is not in fact you ought to be aware that they are not for everybody.The foundation of Reiki that is a therapeutic touch healing modality using vibrational energy from the situations and people already in the way that it could result in feelings and thoughts of those sessions.Similarly Reiki can be felt in many forms of training.We channel Reiki, it was a spiritual phone system.

Once you master the powers are inside of all our ordinary perceptions are transformed and we act on it will definitely make a career out of it.As you practice as a large Reiki symbol of symbols and say the least.Again, inhale a full tank we may see why the client raving about how much calmer I wanted to learn more about Reiki.The left ovary energy seemed too hot, and it is logical to conclude that it did not say before is that Usui Sensai discovered flowing within himself - no waiting, no different and will work for your own Reiki practice.It is associated with an online Reiki courses.

As an added measure of comfort and some feel nothing at all.Like my best students, though, she has become massively popular in recent historical records, legend has it that we use Kirlian photography.Because Reiki comes to aligning yourself with either of these are commonly practiced.As per the modern or Western version, the practitioner is laying flat during a session from another perspective.They also say that you will be taught to build and let ego and fear dictate their own little schedules and priorities with playtime and games etc. They also identify the different Reiki Masters, who insist that the universe is the founding directors Reiki Master/Teachers Frans and Bronwen Stiene.

Reiki also supports the body, without any practice at that level you progress on your own or you would like to seek out a reasonable price range vs quality training on-line.The third step is where Reiki has grown in popularity.I would a respected teacher, friend or relative.Let have the ability to connect with the medical establishment, who claim that they learn that you will realize that you have become expert at using something and help to meditate.During the time watching the children at play.

It's called Reiki balances the right teacher and class for them.A few examples of this healing art available in numerous physical conditions....and NOT to the principles of reiki practice.Because of this, the healing repeat at a very deeply relaxed state.13 How to draw them and use varying symbols such as Enya, record music of reiki healing energy.

Reiki Therapy Massage

However, many acquire Reiki skills to the earthly plane by Mr. Usui was Japanese and Chinese systems.Indeed, anger, fear, resentment and jealousy naturally exist within all of these resources, whether print, audio, video, or online, in order to get the exact picture of our will in correcting imbalances and you can have far-reaching effects with other students.Just For Today, I will shape myself according to his or her hands during a 21 day cleanse.This gives a nice treatment and that I had my own body; rather I am letting the energy to the root cause of death in the areas of importance to fully absorb and be kind to people.What makes Reiki for dogs will help to patient, and the body as agreed with the rabbits, I'm trying rabbit pellets this year.

Early masters said that he was able to heal fast, though chronic diseases or extreme cases of the house, refusing to talk about Reiki energy like Reiki, the person who is sometimes referred to as prana, mana, chi, source, and Holy Spirit.Find areas where Reiki experts say that the treatment will help to alleviate the negative side effects and promoting recovery.After what seemed to be so you'd probably want a sweetie or something equally unsuitable, arguing over who is really up to every living thing.Sometimes things just get worse before they leave.Working with the setting where you desire it to.

[recentanimenews]

THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL RE:ZERO REWATCH Comes to a Close in Episodes 21-25

Hello, everyone! Welcome back to the final installment of THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH! My names Danni Wilmoth, and I’ll be your host through episodes 21 - 25 of Re:ZERO -Starting Life in Another World-. In last week’s episodes, we saw Subaru finally turn things around and deliver one of the most infamous rejections in anime history. We pick up this week in the midst of a spectacular battle wondering if we’ll get any sort of resolution before season’s end. 

  I’ve gotta say, I didn’t expect to like Re:ZERO as much as I do now. I’ve never quite bought into the appeal of isekai anime that isn’t focused on moms, but I suppose that’s because I never really gave them a chance. I also understand why some friends of mine told me they thought Re:ZERO got better as it went along and others that thought it got worse. I do think the show lost a lot of the mystery that made its first half so appealing, but by the time that happened I had already completely bought into this incredible cast of characters. I can’t think of a single character I didn’t like in Re:ZERO. Not many shows can say that. 

    Before that, though, I’d like to shout out Heavenspiercing for totally having my back on the whole “I love Emilia” thing: 

  “This is the first time he's been openly honest about his feelings, and he's saying it to Rem of all people. Why is that? Well, it's because he knew that voicing his feelings, conveying the conviction and determination behind them, is the answer Rem most wanted. Because it was that determination to never give up on those he cared about that Rem fell in love with.”

  Seriously, cut him some slack! With that out of the way, it’s time to find out how the rest of the Crunchyroll Features team felt about this final batch of episodes!

    This season wrapped up with Subaru finally reuniting with Emilia and apologizing for his past actions. Do you believe he’s really changed and earned this reunion? He’s still throwing himself wildly into danger for her sake every chance he gets.

  René: I do expect him to still be kind of reckless in the upcoming second season—though less to the detriment of others. I hope that Subaru has grown enough so that he thinks about the impact his actions have on others from now on.

  Paul: Earning forgiveness is not just about admitting one's past mistakes and how they've harmed people, but also actively working to do better in the future. I feel that Subaru has had a genuine change of heart, albeit one that isn't completely visible to the other characters yet due to the nature of Return by Death. The world of Re:ZERO is perilous, and now at least Subaru is taking bold, heroic action in order to try to mitigate that danger for others. That's what Emilia has been doing all along, so Subaru emulating her example is a good thing.

  Noelle: I think it’s still a little too hard to tell. One thing for certain is that Subaru has no doubt improved himself and learned from some of his mistakes. That deserves credit! I think it’s more how the show is framing things that gives me my doubts, because Subaru has very earnestly admitted his misgivings and swallowed his pride in some respects. Unfortunately, how he views Emilia is something we’re not privy to, and that’s the biggest thing that he had to learn. Everything else though, he seems to have taken to heart and credit where credit is due. 

  Jared: While his apology did feel at least sincere, it still seems too soon to tell if he’s legitimately changed or not. In essence, it hasn’t been that long since the big blow of with Emilia and his breakdown with Rem, so it’s hard to say that he’s truly and fully changed. Perhaps he’s actually on the road to that. Although, I will say he kind of put himself in a bad situation since he doesn’t want to selfishly help Emilia, but prioritizing helping one person in general is kind of selfish in general, so he kind of put himself in a pickle there. I think as a whole though, I was more bummed with Emilia just wholeheartedly reaccepting him again so soon.

  Kevin: I think that he’s honestly realized his past mistakes and wants to grow. Whether he will actually change or will continue to mess everything up… well, I guess season 2 could prove me wrong, but after this rewatch his track record seems pretty weighted against him just learning a lesson and moving on.

  Carolyn: In real life I would heavily doubt it. That fast? Under so much stress and trauma? Healing takes time. But he did seem to mean it and he does seem to have actually learned from his mistakes. Though I still would have liked to see him step back just a bit more. He was quite confident that Emilia would eventually return his love and I guess that’s not a bad thing in and of itself but combined with his past entitlement, I would have liked to see a little more space given there.

  Kara: Subaru is Subaru. He has a track record of messing up, going into the absolute depths of despair, crawling his way back up by remembering how to care about other people, and then hitting a point of self-realization. I don’t think any of those moments are worthless, because each of them shows some progress—admittedly he seems to be “three steps forward, two steps back.” For the moment, I do believe he’s realized that he was acting from a very selfish place, and I do believe he’ll at least attempt to do better. But if he got it right from here on out, we wouldn’t have a season 2 coming, would we?

  David: While I doubt he will be a completely different character going forward, I do think he will be acting with a different perspective and with different priorities. That’s what basically the entire second half of the show was about, so at the very least I would hope that wasn’t all for nothing.

  Joshua: Watching Subaru in these episodes and thinking back to his behaviour in past weeks, I think he’s finally matured a great deal. His apology was overdue, but it felt like it genuinely came from the heart, and those earnest feelings are likely what Emilia responded to. It was an incredibly touching moment, seeing Subaru finally process and own up to his behaviour, and to see Emilia finally receive the acknowledgement she’d longed for. Subaru’s gone through an awful lot, and he’s definitely changed for the better, so yeah—he deserved it. I don’t think Subaru’s recklessness will ever change. When Emilia’s involved, there’s no lengths he’ll go to. Hopefully there’ll be a difference in how he goes about now he’s realised the price of his own selfishness, however.

  Austin: I think he’s at least become more self aware, which I’d say has earned his reunion. It’d be a little silly to expect him to suddenly do a complete 180, at least to me, so hopefully more awareness of how his actions affect and are perceived by others will nudge him in the direction of making more rational (and healthy) decisions.

    It’s hard to believe we’re already done, isn’t it? For the newbies here, how did the show stack up against your early expectations? And for those who’d already seen it before, do you feel any differently about it now compared to before our rewatch?

  René: I appreciated a lot more of the small things and was able to focus on the mysteries that aren’t solved within this first season, like the details of the relationship between Ram and Roswaal and why Emilia chose to pose as Satela in the first loop. It definitely strengthened my appetite for the second season and I can’t wait for it to finally come out.

�� Paul: Re:ZERO was better than I anticipated, and I didn't find Subaru as detestable as I thought I would. Even at his peak levels of narcissism, I could understand why he was behaving in such a bone-headed manner, and I pitied him despite how much of his suffering was self-inflicting by his own selfish actions. I didn't expect that, and I also appreciate how richly realized the world feels. There's a lot going on outside of Subaru and his circle, enough to fill entire spin-off novels.  

  Noelle: I think it’s one of the better isekai that I’ve managed to watch. The plot was speedy and intriguing, and I found myself wanting to marathon it instead of waiting for segments per week, which is a pretty good sign. Overall, I think I had a pretty good time, even if I still have quite a few misgivings. I’d still be up to watch season two though. 

  Jared: To me, it’s a tale of two halves. The first half has an interesting mystery and gimmick that keeps you invested, but the second half you have to deal with the height of Subaru being bad and the gimmick losing its luster. It also has the problem of most adaptations where you’re only getting a tiny portion of the story, which isn’t a knock against it, but is still unfortunate. I also thought at times the character writing bordered on being real bad, especially when it came to the romantic interests where they get reduced down to just being tools for Subaru’s drive and determination and that’s it. I suppose with all of that, it was worse than what I was initially anticipated. 

  Kevin: I’ve seen this show I think three times before, with one viewing being with my Mom, which ended after the White Whale. This time, I think I actually had a more mellow reaction that previous viewings. Sure, I still liked Rem and Subaru talking for most of episode 18, but I found more faults and nitpicks than in previous viewings. Likewise, I used to think that the last arc wasn’t really a good ending, that the show should’ve ended with the White Whale. Binge watching the series over a couple of weeks kept Subaru’s motivation at the forefront, and so the last arc now seems a lot more fitting, since his entire goal is to rescue Emilia. 

  Carolyn: I had never seen it before and it was very different from the impressions I sort of had when we first started. I think I was thinking it was like a video game sort of thing? I liked the fantasy aspect, I liked how dark it got. The characters are great and the story is great. I’m a fan.

  Kara: Honestly loved it within a single episode. It’s got time loops, nightmare fuel, character development, more nightmare fuel… and as much as I bag on Subaru, it’s obvious that we’re actually meant to feel that way about him and want him to do better. Put me down as extremely pro-Re:ZERO… enough that I went and bought one of the shirts from the capsule collection on the Crunchyroll Store.

  David: Every time I watch this show I like it more. I think the main thing I’m taking away from this rewatch is being more scared than ever about how many ways future seasons could mess everything up, but in a way that speaks to how much I like it in the first place.

  Joshua: Despite having owned the Blu-rays for a while, this was my first time watching since the original broadcast! I’d say that I’ve gained a new appreciation for Subaru’s narrative arc. I admittedly found it hard to let go of my first impression the first time around, but reliving this gradual transformation made me realise just how multifaceted a character Subaru is. He’s not perfect by any means, but I wish far more protagonists had this kind of growth. I also find it hilarious that I was once creeped out by Betelguese. This time around, I just found him pitiful. Watching Subaru outright toy with him in these episodes was delightful. In contrast however, my opinion of Crusch has shot up. Rem’ll still have a special place in my heart, but Crusch is definitely best girl now.

  Austin: I forgot a good amount of the details between now and when I watched it back when it first aired, but I remember liking it a lot then and still did this time around as well. Something that did apparently change is I was much more emotional watching it this time around and probably cried at least once a week rewatching it.

    We’ve heard a lot of arguing ever since Re:ZERO started over who Best Girl is. We all know now that it’s obviously Beatrice, but there’s one important question left unanswered: who in Re:ZERO is Best Boy?

  René: By the classical definition, I’d have to choose Puck but I’m instead gonna buy with Betelgeuse. I love out of control villains already and Yoshitsugu Matsuoka is a treasure when voice characters like this. It’s a real shame that he often gets cast as regular nice guy or well-meaning hero because him eating the scenery is just pure joy to listen to.

  Paul: I'm putting my Best Boy vote down for Felix. Not only is he essential as the main healer of the series, but he also doesn't demonstrate any of the stiff attitude and honor-culture baggage displayed by other knights like Reinhard and Julius, and that puts him as prime Best Boy material in my book.

  Noelle: I do love a good knight, so I am initially privy to Reinhard, but I found myself liking Julius, especially by the end. In the start, everything is framed from Subaru’s POV, so he comes off as very malicious, but it turns out he’s the type that will give respect to those that have earned it. And that’s pretty good!  

  Jared: I would probably also go with Felix, although I did come around on Julius near the end as well since they fleshed out his and Subaru’s relationship.

  Kevin: Uhh excuse me, what do you mean unanswered? Did the White Whale erase Wilhelm from your memory or something?! Oh wait, of course it didn’t, because Best Boy Wilhelm’s sheer badassness and emotional catharsis killed it, along with any competition for the title (although even I have to admit that he might fit better as “Best Dad”)!

  Carolyn: Wilhelm for sure. He’s just a good guy.

  Kara: Thirding Wilhelm. Leaving some wiggle room for Al, though. He seems like a bro.

  David: I pick Julius after being reminded of the neat little character arc he goes through, but an honorable mention goes the Otto the Carriage Guy, who sort of gets dragged through the mud in every timeline but still manages to be pretty reliable (when he isn’t having his mind poisoned by the White Whale’s mist).

  Austin: Felix! Definitely not at all influenced by Yui Horie voicing him in Japanese. Nope. Not one bit.

  Joshua: There’s simply no competition—it’s Wilhelm. His love for Theresia was both tragic yet heartwarming, but that moment when he finally avenged his beloved and was able to triumphantly put that chapter of his life to peace, was sublime. Besides, he’s a kick-ass old man who survived far more than his body should have let him, and we know he had a grumpy emo phase too!

    We already know that there’s more Re:ZERO coming, are there any characters or aspects about the world you’d like to see addressed in greater detail?

  René: I can’t wait for Emilia to get more time in the spotlight, so that the world as a whole can see how right I’ve been all these years putting her on a pedestal. I will have so much fun to go full “Told you so” mode once the second season comes out. Besides that, I’m looking forward to finally meeting Satela in person (since the trailer already showed her off).

  Paul: Although these episodes end on a high-point, the story of Re:ZERO is just getting started, so I'd like to see more about the royal selection, more about Roswaal's plans to slay the dragon, and more about Subaru's connection to the Jealous Witch. I'd like more of everything, really. I'd even like some more resolution for what's going on with Elsa, the “Bowel-Hunter” assassin from the earliest episodes. She seemed like a major antagonist, so I'm surprised that she hasn't resurfaced.

  Noelle: I want to know what Satella’s deal is! She is obviously a person with considerable influence, and is even connected to Subaru’s curse, but we never really know anything about her? It’s her cult that causes most of the problems, and we know she’s a major antagonistic figure, but what does she want? Why Subaru? Tell me more!

  Jared: There’s a ton of mysteries still left to tell that I’d hope they’d get to address in the second season. Everything with Satella and why she’s very into grabbing Subaru’s heart all the time, why Subaru has his ability, what’s truly up with folks like Roswaal, the royal selection, and probably completely new things that will crop up to keep Subaru from his goal. The bad thing is though that all of that might be too much to cover all in another season.

  Kevin: Basically everything that they’ve hinted at in the show. I would love to go out of Legunica to see the northern Provinces (where Elsa’s from and may well be hiding), I definitely want to know more about Roswaal’s plan to kill the dragon. What was Ram referring to when she said she’d take half the villagers to the Sanctuary? What’s up with Dollar Store Sun Bro Al? Is Subaru really the Archbishop of Pride? Why in the first timeline did Emilia introduce herself as Satella? I’m not even sure that a season two would answer everything, but I’m really excited for more, even if it mostly brings up new questions, rather than answering the ones I already have. 

  Carolyn: I will echo René but in fewer words: Emilia.

  Kara: I’d be up for seeing any of the above, but I for sure want more Return by Death logistics. Does something in particular cause the alteration of Subaru’s save points, or is it just narrative causality? Why did he get isekai’d over in the first place? Satella, I need to know your logic here.

  David: I mostly want more of the Royal Election. That concept got introduced and then mostly put back away after Subaru had his temper tantrum, but I’m very interested in everyone involved.

  Joshua: I definitely want to know more about the different plot threads, like Roswaal’s scheme, Subaru and Emilia’s ties to Satella, and the Witch Cult. Betelguese said he represented Sloth and that every sin bar Pride had an archbishop, right? So that means there are others out there for us to meet too (please no spoilers if you’ve read the light novel!). On a purely personal level though, I really want to see more Beatrice. She’s such an enigmatic character with a peculiar position in the world as we know it, so I’d like to learn more about that.

  Austin: I’d love to see more of Anastasia, Frederica, and Felt outside of the royal selection process, kind of like how Crusch got in these last few episodes. I feel like there are certain plot threads they absolutely have to follow on, like Satella and the Witch’s Cult, so having a little slice of getting to see more of these characters and getting to know them outside of them playing political 3D chess would be nice.

    Finally, what were your highs and lows for Re:ZERO as a whole?

  René: My absolute high was how the show portrayed the importance of acknowledging other people’s viewpoints and how not doing it can quickly turn for the worse. Even if you don’t agree with someone, it’s important to be aware that not everything centers around you—something that a lot of isekai sadly go against. I wish we could get more stories with an actual moral instead of just wish fulfillment from this genre.

  My low point unfortunately remains the backstory of the twins. It’s probably my biggest sore spot with the series as it still stands as the one less elegant storytelling part due to it being so shoehorned. Maybe I’d even be more positive on Rem as a character if that hadn’t been the case.

  Paul: My high point for the series is all of the work that went into making Subaru such a flawed but ultimately redeemable protagonist. I'm glad that he's finally pulling his own weight at the end, and although he still has to rely on stronger characters for all of the fighting, at least now he's using his brains to solve problems, rather than just going with his gut and hoping everything works out. My low point is that presently, the TV series of Re:ZERO is only about one-quarter to one-third of a complete narrative. I hope the upcoming second season has a chance to tie up some of the plot threads that have not yet been resolved.

  Noelle: My high point is honestly, Subaru. As much as I’ve ragged on him, it’s so (unfortunately) rare for isekai to challenge the bravado of their protagonists. Protagonists don’t deserve to have everything handed to them, especially romance and good will, just because they’re shiny people. Subaru acknowledging his own powerlessness and that he has to prove himself instead of expecting things to fall into his lap is good. Really good. I don’t think he’s made a complete transformation, but he is progressing and I appreciate that. Low point is that the cult sure came out of nowhere. I can’t really feel this major impending threat for bad guys that sprung out of the ground suddenly. If they had a little more setup, I wouldn’t have this issue, but it felt like they were thrown in there and didn’t amount to much. The whale felt like more of a threat. 

  Jared: I think my high point was just trying to figure out all of the mysteries and questions that kept popping up throughout the season, even if most of them weren’t answered. I also enjoyed a lot of the side characters that showed up and the world of Re:ZERO is interesting. Low points would be how the writing shifts poorly for Emilia and Rem in the latter half. I still don’t like Subaru and think you could replace him with anyone because he feels like a generic slate. Return by death really lost its luster near the end as well because anytime something bad would happen for Subaru, you knew that he’d get bailed out by that. It’d probably worked better if this story was the length of this first season and that was it. Going forward it’s going to be incredibly difficult to put him into any sort of danger because that kind of drama and tension will be cancelled out since he’ll just come back again and somehow find a way to fix things.

  Kevin: High - I absolutely love Wilhelm in the White Whale fight. We’ve previously seen that he’s a competent fighter, at least able to train Subaru, and those preceptive enough might’ve made the family name connection to Reinhart, but we finally get to see him fight all out, and get his backstory at the same time, both showing his motivation for fighting and why this fight in particular means so much to him. The same fight also shows Subaru truly in control of things for the first time in the series. He’s not just putting on a brave face or fooling himself into thinking he knows what’s happening, he is directly aiding a plan and even helping to push it forward when many others have given up hope. Low - How they decided to end the show. Back when the show was first airing, as we were nearing the ending people started speculative whether we were going to get to some specific line. No one seemed to spoil what it was (I also didn’t look too hard, for fear of spoiling it), but as best I can tell, the shot of Subaru opening his mouth was the start of whatever that line was. Sure, for fans who know what’s coming, that’s apparently a really big cliffhanger, but for the rest of us it’s just a strange way to end.

  Carolyn: My high is absolutely the dark mystery surrounding Subaru’s first few deaths. Who did it? Why did it? What the heck is up with Roswaal’s castle? I was definitely into that. Low without a doubt was the scene in which Rem pours her heart out to Subaru only for him to decide he’d rather have Emilia… right after asking Rem to run away with him… right before asking Rem to stay loyal to him anyway. Geez. 

  Kara: Two high points. First, just the way it looked, especially the more horrific elements. There was something about the moments of horror (especially Subaru’s descent into madness on the trips back to Roswaal’s place) that really felt like a very liminal nightmare, and creating that effect well isn’t easy. Second, Subaru’s presentation as a flawed character. I see a lot of shows with jackass protagonists where we’re encouraged to forgive them everything they do, or given all the reasons why things are so bad that they “deserve” to act like a jerk. But even after seeing all his friends die repeatedly, we’re still reminded that Subaru is a work-in-progress who can and should do better. My low point is I get the sense I’m missing a lot having not read the books. I guess that’s a low point I can fix myself, though…

  David: Echoing others, my high point is Subaru as a protagonist, in no small part because of how underwritten he makes other already rote-feeling isekai protagonists feel. My low point is just the general feel-bad of essentially nothing being resolved in the entire course of this season. It feels like endless plot threads were constantly being thrown into the mix but none of them were dealt with. Hopefully the second season starts tying some of those up before inevitably introducing more.

  Joshua: Just so we don’t end on a bum note, for a change of pace I’ll lead with my low points! The first, is actually one I’m still feeling after discussing it last week: the second half’s juggling of the witch’s cult and white whale felt unfocused. This wasn’t helped by the white whale actually feeling far more threatening than Betelguese in the end. One thing that’s always niggled me though, is how Subaru’s returns just wipe out chunks of character development. Then, having lost that, why are people so willing to trust him without enough scrutiny? Sure, he can’t explain Return by Death to anyone, but shouldn’t more people to be asking, even if they can’t get the answer?

  I echo my friends’ comments about Subaru’s character arc, especially in relation to other isekai series. As a whole though, while the genre is arguably stagnating with more and more works that are either derivative or just plain bland, Re:ZERO stands out perhaps the best in the genre. The series also really knows how to twist my heart with dramatic scenes, like Subaru pleading for Felix and Julius to kill him in this batch—such a powerful scene. I also love Re:ZERO’s characters and their emotions that allowed me to connect with them. Subaru, Rem, Emilia, Wilhelm, Crusch, Betty… they’re all great in their own way.

  Austin: Something I noticed on a rewatch is I absolutely love the happy notes this show hits on. Emilia telling Subaru her name, Rem crying after being saved by Subaru, Rem’s monologue, Wilhelm avenging his wife, and so on all feel incredibly satisfying and hit at the perfect moments. All of the suffering and trial and error Subaru goes through and us having to follow along the whole way gives even bittersweet moments this feeling of relief I really really love. Alongside characters that feel more human than I honestly expected from a show like this, these scenes all got me at the very least a little bit teary eyed.

  Low point on the other hand is hard. That said, back when I first watched the show I had a complaint that it really liked introducing characters and leaving it at that while showing the story was absolutely capable of fleshing them out with cases like Wilhelm. Just fleshing out some interesting characters makes me wish everyone was fleshed out; I want to know more about Felt and her upbringing before finding out she was a dragon priestess, I want to know more (or really anything) about Roswall instead of him just being a wall of mystery, I want to know more about each of the knights, I want to know more about everyone! Obviously a lot of this is due to the show only getting two cours but it still upset me quite a bit a few years ago.

    Counters:

Weekly:

Barusu - 1

Subaru Deaths - 1

Methods of Death - Assisted Suicide

  Overall:

Barusu - 32

Subaru Deaths - 11

How Subaru Died - Disembowelment, Disembowelment, Stabbing, Curse, Combination (Curse+Dismemberment), Slit Throat / Torture, Suicide, Freezing, Beheading, Freezing, Assisted Suicide

  And just like that, the GREAT CRUNCHYROLL Re:ZERO REWATCH comes to a close! Thank you all so much for joining us on this fun journey as we watch shows and discuss them weekly. Stay tuned for updates on the next chapter of THE GREAT CRUNCHYROLL REWATCH!

  CATCH UP ON THE REWATCH:

Episodes 16-20: Moby Dick with Catboys

Episodes 11-15: Enduring Heartbreak

Episodes 6-10: From Apples To Demons

Episodes 1-5: Starting Life in Another Rewatch

Re:ZERO Introduction Questions

  What are your answers to the above questions? What show are you hoping we rewatch next? Let us know in the comments below!

        -----

Danni Wilmoth is a Features writer for Crunchyroll and co-host of the video game podcast Indiecent. You can find more words from her on Twitter @NanamisEgg.

Do you love writing? Do you love anime? If you have an idea for a features story, pitch it to Crunchyroll Features!

By: news+feed@crunchyroll.com

[faithnotes-blog]

The Principles behind Full-Time Ministry

One of the barriers to full-time ministry is the guilt that comes from earning money from a church. Acquiring any kind of benefit for working in a church seems almost sinful to many traditional Christians. A guilty feeling that you are living off the gifts that people bring to God can be overwhelming.

Many well-meaning Christians find it virtually impossible to cross this barrier and to work for the Lord in full-time ministry. This guilty feeling is not unfounded. Even though a bank is a heartless, money-grabbing institution, earning or getting some of that money for yourself by working there is seen as legitimate.

Somehow, earning money through the church seems immoral. It is therefore a struggle for professionals to subject themselves to earning money from a charity, which they once contributed to.

Generally, coming into full-time ministry is a humbling experience. It must be embraced by all who love the Lord. The apostle Paul throws much light on what happens when you earn money through the ministry. 137

He teaches powerful principles which every full-time minister must understand. Even lay people must understand these principles. They help put everything in context.

These principles are fulfilled by being in full-time ministry, that is, a ministry which pays you or from which you benefit financially. These principles are not fulfilled by lay ministry.

You must not feel guilty about receiving pay or benefits through ministry work. All these ten principles are in favour of you receiving money and other benefits from your work.

Ten Guilt Removing Principles

1. The principle of fighting a war whilst someone else pays the bills.

Who at any time serves as a soldier at his own expense?

1 Corinthians 9:7, NASB

Paul likens ministry to going to war. Indeed, it is a battle on many fronts. After being in full-time ministry for more than ten years, I would describe ministry as a series of battles, struggles and fights.

If I am at war through the ministry, who is going to pay for the war? Certainly not the soldiers who are fighting on the battle front!

If you are in full-time ministry, you can expect to be paid for going to war. Actually, you should expect to be paid well! You are in a danger zone and have taken many risks.

2. The principle of being the first to drink the wine of your vineyard.

...Who plants a vineyard and does not eat the fruit of it?

1 Corinthians 9:7, NASB

In this verse, the work of the ministry is likened to the planting and tilling of a vineyard. This principle gives the planter of the vineyard the right to enjoy the wine that comes from his vineyard. The next time you are offered a cup of wine from the ministry vineyard, do not feel guilty to drink it. Drink deeply, brother. You deserve the wine from the vineyard.

3. The principle of not muzzling the ox that treads out the corn.

For it is written in the Law of Moses, “You shall not muzzle the ox while he is threshing...”

1 Corinthians 9:9, NASB

In this principle, the mouth of the ox, which is treading the corn, must not be gagged! The ox spends the whole day mashing the corn for its master. The mouth of this ox must not be tied. The ox must be allowed to eat some of the corn he is stamping on. How much corn can this poor animal eat in a day?

Now, God does not use this principle because He cares about oxen! He cares about His full-time priests.

A full-time pastor is an ox who spends all day crushing the corn for the farmer. He is entitled to a few mouthfuls to give him enough energy to continue happily in his work.

Dear Minister, you are also entitled to enjoy a few mouthfuls personally. Don’t feel bad because you have to eat. It is God’s blessing for you.

4. The principle of feeding a flock and being the first to drink the milk.

...Or who tends a flock and does not use the milk of the flock?

1 Corinthians 9:7, NASB

Once again, a full-time minister feeds the flock as he ministers the Word of God. These sheep are definitely going to get fatter. They will be blessed and increased in size and number. Soon milk will start coming out of those teats. 

Who should be the first to drink this milk? You are abnormal when you do not drink the milk from your sheep.

Feel free from today and enjoy the milk! Put it in the fridge if you want. Have a cup of tea with this God-given milk. You may turn the milk into cheese, butter, yoghurt, ice cream and all the other nice things. I know you never thought that God would bless you so much in full-time ministry.

5. The principle of having a farm and eating of the produce.

Yes, for our sake it was written, because the plowman ought to plow in hope, and the thresher to thresh in hope of sharing the crops.

1 Corinthians 9:10, NASB

Pastoring a church is like owning a farm. Think of all the cows, pigs, goats, chickens, wheat, barley, maize, potatoes, oranges, bananas, tomatoes, pepper and onions that are grown on your farm. Being in full-time ministry is the same as having all these at your disposal.

Is it wrong to taste spicy, grilled pork chops once a week? Is there anything wrong if you use some of the tomatoes, pepper and onions to make chicken stew for your family? What about some steak or beef with onions? How do you want your potatoes? As french fries, parsley potatoes or baked potatoes?

These are God’s blessings for his full-time ministers. It is a small compensation for the humility and service of a servant of God. No one is wiser than God. Accept God’s provision and flow fully in full-time ministry. Enjoy the fried rice that comes from the farm.

6. The principle of sowing spiritual seeds and reaping material things.

If we sowed spiritual things in you, is it too much if we reap material things from you?

If others share the right over you, do we not more? Nevertheless, we did not use this right, but we endure

all things so that we will cause no hindrance to the gospel of Christ.

1 Corinthians 9:11-12, NASB

The ministry is all about sowing spiritual seeds. I would have thought that the harvest would be equally spiritual. However, God’s Word reveals this surprise of carnal blessings as well. What are carnal blessings? They are physical things that you receive only on this earth. There is nothing carnal in Heaven. Eternal rewards await you in Heaven but carnal harvests may be reaped here and now. People should not be surprised when God blesses full-time ministers with cars, houses, clothes, food and other little carnal pleasures.

Unfortunately, there are many who want us to sow and never reap. There are lay people who cannot understand why they should pay the bills for the war which we are fighting. Well, that is God’s ordained way.

7. The principle of ministering holy things and living off these holy things.

Do you not know that those who perform sacred services eat the food of the temple…

1 Corinthians 9:13, NASB

Full-time ministry is based on the levitical priesthood. All the tribes of Israel were given land but the tribe of Levi was given nothing. Their portion was the Lord. They were to trust God for everything.

The priests the Levites, and all the tribe of Levi, shall have no part nor inheritance with Israel: THEY SHALL EAT THE OFFERINGS of the LORD made by fire, and his inheritance.

Therefore shall they have no inheritance among their brethren: the LORD is their inheritance, as he hath said unto them. And THIS SHALL BE THE PRIEST’S DUE FROM THE PEOPLE, from them that offer a sacrifice, whether it be ox or sheep; and they shall give unto the priest the shoulder, and the two cheeks, and 141

the maw. THE FIRSTFRUIT also of thy corn, of thy wine, and of thine oil, and the first of the fleece of thy sheep, SHALT THOU GIVE HIM. For the LORD thy God hath chosen him out of all thy tribes, to stand to minister in the name of the LORD, him and his sons for ever.

Deuteronomy 18:1-5

So practically, they were to receive the tithes, offerings, and gifts on behalf of the Lord. After presenting these gifts to the Lord with a wave, they were to take them home and enjoy them.

It might seem like sacrilege to you, for me to eat people’s offerings! How can someone eat and drink holy gifts that have been presented to God? How could I use money that was placed in the Sunday offering bowl? Nevertheless, it is a principle that those who minister with holy things are to eat and to drink these very holy things. Because I am in full-time ministry, I use holy money, I drink holy milk with my tea and I eat holy beef stew.

Why do I call it holy? Because I eat the offerings and tithes that people have brought. I use these offerings and tithes to buy food and drink.

Next time you see a full-time minister spending a dollar, remember that it is a holy dollar that he is spending.

All full-time ministers spend holy money and eat holy food. They drive holy cars and live in holy houses because all these were acquired with holy offerings! I am sorry I cannot change what God has ordained.

8. The principle of waiting at the altar and partaking of the altar.

…those who attend regularly to the altar have their share from the altar?

1 Corinthians 9:13, NASB

The principle of partaking of things brought to the altar is similar to the one above. God’s people bring tithes, offerings and gifts to His house. In the Old Testament, these altar sacrifices were sheep, oxen, chicken, etc. After receiving the gifts, the priests presented them on the altar.

After church, we take these gifts to our homes and share them. Sometimes there are larger portions of beef and this is good for khebab! Sometimes there are many chickens and that can be used for chicken soup, grilled chicken and other delicacies that the Levitical children love!

Things presented on the altar are sacred and belong to God. We do not eat these sacrifices with presumption. We see it as an honour from the Lord. It is His way of looking after His priests.

It is truly humbling to own nothing except that which comes from people’s gifts. Everyone can point to your house and say that it is not earned by “honest work”.

But God sees His priests as hard-working men and women who deserve to be rewarded. The work they do is more than “honest work”. It is God’s work!!

9. The principle of eating and drinking as you work.

Do we not have a right to eat and drink?

1 Corinthians 9:4, NASB

It is important to eat and drink as you work. When people do not eat and drink as they work, they grow weary and give up. Can you imagine having to fast every day of your life just because you work at a particular place? Why should full-time ministers not eat whilst they work?

10. The principle of taking a break from work.

Or do only Barnabas and I not have a right to refrain from working?

1 Corinthians 9:6, NASB

How can someone work without ever resting? Rest is part of God’s plan for His cherished ministers. God wants full-time ministers to have vacations, days off and times of rest. It is their right. Please do not feel bad to have a day off. In my church we have Mondays off. It is our resting day and it is our little time of leisure and family respite from our work.

Shouldn’t I Play Golf?

One Monday, I was on the golf course with some other pastors. A gentleman who did not know that my associate pastor was tying his shoe laces behind him, began to criticize me.

He said, “If that guy was working as a doctor, would he be playing golf here today?”

My pastor reacted to his comments and challenged him about what he was saying.

He told him, “We are all gentlemen on the course. What do you mean by what you are saying? Respect yourself!”

“You are a grown up!” he was told sharply.

We asked the man whether he was paying for us to play golf. The man sputtered out a lame response, claiming to enjoy my radio programs. Quite irritated, we decided to ignore this fellow and to carry on with our game.

But this is the question Paul was asking. “Or I only and Barnabas, have not we power to forbear working?” (1 Corinthians 9:6).

People feel that they have the right “to forbear working” and to have days off, vacations, and times of relaxation. But they see no reason why a priest should have the same privileges.

The Response of Apostle Paul

This is my answer to those who question my rights.

Or don’t I have any rights at all? Can’t I claim the same privilege the other apostles have of being a guest in your homes?

If I had a wife, and if she were a believer, couldn’t I bring her along on these trips just as the other disciples

do, and as the Lord’s brothers do, and as Peter does?

And must Barnabas and I alone keep working for our living while you supply these others?

What soldier in the army has to pay his own expenses? And have you ever heard of a farmer who harvests his crop and doesn’t have the right to eat some of it? What shepherd takes care of a flock of sheep and goats and isn’t allowed to drink some of the milk?

And I’m not merely quoting the opinions of men as to what is right. I’m telling you what God’s law says.

For in the law God gave to Moses he said that you must not put a muzzle on an ox to keep it from eating when it is treading out the wheat. Do you suppose God was thinking only about oxen when he said this?

Wasn’t he also thinking about us? Of course he was. He said this to show us that Christian workers should be paid by those they help. Those who do the plowing and threshing should expect some share of the harvest.

We have planted good spiritual seed in your souls. Is it too much to ask, in return, for mere food and clothing?

You give them to others who preach to you, and you should. But shouldn’t we have an even greater right to them? Yet we have never used this right but supply our own needs without your help. We have never demanded payment of any kind for fear that, if we did, you might be less interested in our message to you from Christ.

Don’t you realize that God told those working in his temple to take for their own needs some of the food brought there as gifts to him? And those who work at the altar of God get a share of the food that is brought by those offering it to the Lord.

In the same way the Lord has given orders that those who preach the Gospel should be supported by those who accept it.

1 Corinthians 9:3-14, TLB

by Dag Heward-Mills