#I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT WHAT MICHAEL'S LETTER WOULD ENTAIL

[applebunch]

WAIT WHAT IF MICHAEL DIES NEXT EPISODE. HM.

[gingergofastboatsmojito]

Michael Berzatto is immortal

Being the eldest and Donna's favest, came with a price.

He paid with his own life.

In a sense, Michael always tried to shield his 2 younger siblings from the liabilities of being a Berzatto.

That's why he was their "best friend". Because his life mission was protecting/shielding the two cubs, from the enemies.

Whether that meant trying to protect them - to the best of his abilities- from Donna herself, from the pressure of handling the family business that was always about to go under, never really thriving, from themselves and their own shortcomings, etc... He took the blows so his siblings didn't have to. -They did anyway, but he tried to prevent that-.

Pushing his baby brother away -even when Carmy didn't see it or feel it that way- was his way to protect him and set him free so he could realize his full potential, which Mickey knew was never gonna happen if Carmy was confined within The Beef's kitchen making sandwiches.

And among probably a million other stuff his role entailed:

Being always Sugar's airbag when her savior complex got the better of her and exposed her to Donna's wrath.

Being the one who picked up the pieces of, or tried to mend, all the broken relationships in the family, such as Donna's failed marriage, and the toxic mother-daughter relationship Donna and Sugar had all the time.

Being Carmy's best friend because otherwise he wouldn't have any.

IMO in essence that's why Michael ended up killing himself: always trying to be everyone's best friend, or in other words "The Shield".

He was "hilarious". Aha, yeah right. Tell me more...

He carried all that pain inside

Mikey wouldn't express it because that would have been detrimental to the role he felt he had to play in the family. IDK to what extent that role was self-imposed or actually assigned by others at a fairly young age, when he didn't know better, or couldn't fight back, anyhow, he eventually ended up buying fully into it. And one way or the other the result was the same: The cumulative effect of always being the shield was what ended up killing him.

The bullet was just the consequence, but his role was the actual cause of that pain and ultimately his death. A role he could never break free from because he chose the addiction path, or fell into it. But the point is that because of that he couldn't break that cycle he was trapped in of being the scapegoat and in a sense the martyr of the clan.

Canonically the reason for Michael's death was never disclosed, we just know for a fact that he left no suicide letter explaining his motives, but he did leave a note for Carmy, to make sure he knew he loved him (yes, I have a lump in my throat as I type this, moving on) and enough encoded info for him to find the money and hopefully save the place.

My HC is that that was precisely the last straw for Mikey. He couldn't take the guilt of knowing or thinking that he was gonna lose the family business. He couldn't even afford napkins FFS!. He couldn't take the pain and guilt of not being able to fulfill his role this time around. He couldn't take that, which he experienced as a failure and he couldn't forgive himself for that. So he checked himself out, permanently.

My other HC about his death is: Had he received the help he needed, he probably would have been a survivor by now. It breaks my heart.

That's what I want for Carmy soooo bad. I don't want him to follow in the footsteps of his brother, because when Carmy received his inheritance it wasn't just a restaurant and a debt he couldn't afford. It was more than that. It was THE RESPONSIBILITY to succeed where his hero brother had failed. That's how he took it.

And that's a very heavy burden for anyone, especially for someone as mentally "compromised" as Carmy.

Now, as far as I'm concerned, that stopped being a "burden" when Syd came into his life.

She INSPIRED HIM to get better, to turn that place around and make it better, to elevate it and in that way honor his brother's legacy.

It stopped being a heavy burden for him, that could ruin him as it did to Mikey because Syd gave him purpose and he didn't have to carry it all by himself anymore, he had her, and Sugar.

The BEEF had broken that family apart and THE BEAR, the restaurant he wanted to share with Syd, brought it back together.

It's important to notice that Syd was the one who brought Nat on board, not Carm. He accepted that, of course, but he only offered The Bear to Syd. Not to his sister.

Back to Michael: By being the SHIELD for years and focusing on the restaurant that was constantly diving, staying in the family home living under the same roof as Donna, being everyone's best friend, cutting Carmy off cold so he could fly away and be who he had the potential of being, he also allowed Sugar to make her own way away from home, which eventually led her to Pete with whom she raised the beautiful family she never had.

And in a final leap of faith, Mikey left the restaurant and the $ to Carmy trusting he was gonna succeed at what he had failed. And also trusting that Sugar was doing that too, family-wise.

I don't think Michael knew or even expected that by doing that he was gonna bring the family back together like he did, he just meant to inherit the business to Carmy, knowing Sugar had her part covered, in his mind she was fine because she had Pete.

But ultimately his legacy is what brought the two siblings back together, so the family was no longer broken, and then what Carmy decided to do with the money was going to determine if he could save the business or not, but he passed along that torch to Carm because he couldn't fulfill that "obligation" he felt he had. The rest is history.

Carmy, on the other side of the story, experienced this act of sacrifice as some sort of punishment, he probably thought his brother, his best friend, hated him and could only move on from that mindset when he started dreaming of The Bear with Syd.

Before her, his dream was intrinsically intertwined with Mikey, his best friend. He didn't give a flying fuck about the restaurant, he just wanted to reconnect with Mikey through food, as he had always done throughout his life, he wanted that back.

Carmy didn't care about the family business, he cared about Michael.

But Mikey, who had taken responsibility for the family business, did care. Way too much, in fact. He had to be the strong one for too long so Carmy and Sugar could be free. And that ended up killing him when he felt he couldn't live up to that responsibility.

In an extremely dark parallelism, Carmy's mental space, which we got to see in S1, was the exact same that Michael had:

Both, as a result of trauma/addiction.

For Carmy, it was always about the people. Even when he pretended it wasn't:

Then came the star, her dream.

Now, looking at the glass half full:

IMO Michael did succeed though.

Because now we see that Natalie is raising a happy/healthy family and that Carmy has the restaurant and he has Syd. It doesn't matter what it looks like now. This story is not over.

Carmy has Syd and Syd has Carmy and at some point, they won't look like the Syd and the Carmy we saw in S3, this is just a transition to something better, after they learn all the lessons they have to learn and make each other better at this.

In his own very atypical way, via The Bear, Carmy is also raising his own family. For now, he is repeating the same pattern he learned from Donna → the only family he ever knew.

But he's also raising a happy family, he just doesn't know it yet. He will find out at some point, and get a star in the process, for her. Not for the star itself. Because Sydney is his purpose.

Sydney is what Michael lacked. He just had "the burden".

But with Syd's and Natalie's help and the whole found family Carmy has formed at The Bear, he will turn that dumpster he inherited into a Michelin star place for her. And by doing this he will be elevating and "healing" Michael's legacy.

What was about to disappear under Michael's rule, will thrive under Carmy's and Sydney's. It's already thriving, actually.

And therefore, both Carmy and Sugar will end up happily ever after, they’ll do it together, so all in all, Michael will succeed. All he wanted was for his siblings to be happy and to live their dreams. And he, in a sense, died for it.

He didn't die in vain.

That's why the show started with his death and it will end honoring his memory. Full circle. I'm sure.

Remember to follow my tag #Gingerpovs

[absentia-if]

For the headcanons, can we get the first letter of their names? Like K for K, M for M, etc.

Kade/Kara:

K = Kiss(Are they a good kisser? Do they like to kiss? How often do they try to kiss you?)

They are a good kisser, yes. Though kissing isn't something they actively think about liking or not, they definitely don't mind it and find it one of the easiest ways to showcase their affection for you. How often do they do it? They tend to bestow good morning cheek kisses every day, and a forehead kiss when they get home from work, with a bunch of other ones littered throughout, so it's truly up in the air.

Michael/Margot:

M = Marriage(Do they want to get married? If so, what kind of ceremony?)

Most definitely. They truly wish to get married and have everything that it entails. As for the ceremony? Or should I say ceremonies? The first would definitely be a low-key affair, meant for close friends and family, and the second one would be the definition of a Steele Family Event. Something that would more than likely happen at one of the Estates that the Steele Family owns (like in France or Ireland).

Blaine/Blaire:

B = Breath(What could their s/o do to take their breath away?)

If you want the B answer-- if you surprise tackle them. That'll definitely knock the wind out of their lungs. If you want a different answer? Teasing/flirting with them will definitely cause their breath to catch at times. It just reminds them of how different things are now.

Wren/Wynn:

W = Wild Card(Get a random domestic headcanon of the character of your choice)

When spending time with their nephew, Scott, W will dress up in Star Trek costumes. It's something they're super protective about when it comes to spending time with him, and it's something they don't let just anyone lose, so when the MC is first invited to do so? It's definitely a special moment. (Because the last person that was invited was Heather.)

Nicholas/Natalie:

N = Night out(What type of dates do they like to go on? How often do they like to go on them?)

They really enjoy low-key nights. Not that a night on the town is completely out of the question, but a picnic underneath the stars, a hike in the forests of Aurora, or a day on the lake, is what they naturally gravitate towards. They'd try to go on them as much as they can because it combines their love for nature with their love for you.

[incarnateirony]

That heaven meta you wanted

And a little more on souls, but I already have a 40 page meta on that topic in particular. 

So someone asked if I had heaven meta, and I pointed out yes, but littered through many other topics involving things like souls, false duality, absence, the One True Thing and whatever else in my crazy-ass pagan life tag.

So the first cue here is to absolutely stop thinking of heaven as a place. The beginning mental exercise in abstraction is to apply two things.

One from Dabb’s Dark Side of the Moon: It’s “A bunch of places.” also, from 15.13, I want people to niche talk of the Occultum. It’s a Place, and a Thing. It doesn’t exist in any particular created space, but rather, outside of a particular space.

I find that in our training to think inside three dimensional space and linear time, certain details of all of this get lost. The one “place” to consider will be the Axis Mundi, and “The Garden.” -- the Axis Mundi as the road of thought that ties it together, perceived as a white hall by angels or anything from a river (like Styx) or a road (for Dean) to man. Just like in DSOTM, “for some it’s god’s throne, for others it’s Eden” at the “center of it all”. Angels perceive god’s throne. The Winchesters perceived a garden, they just perceived a different garden than Jack’s baby brain. Yes, I am implying the occultum is essentially the same place as god’s throne despite the absence of angels, and even that paradox is something I’m going to touch on inside this.

Now before I get into making everyone have to think like delirious stoners, I’m going to share with you one delightful mental image of, in DSOTM, Zachariah actually sighting Dean toot tooting down a white hallway floating on an invisible car only he perceives.

Okay, now, to the real meat of this.

Have we all stopped thinking of heaven as a place yet? Because again, stop. Stop thinking of it as a place. It’s a lot of little non-places. It is not in our three dimensional universe. In fact, our three dimensional universe may just be tucked inside of one of a million little pockets of the heavens. The idea of the heavens should not be broken down and tried to pack to make sense within the universe, but the universe should be made to make sense within the heavens.

ASH: See, you gotta stop thinking of heaven as one place. It’s more like a butt-load of places all crammed together. Like Disneyland except without all the anti-Semitism.

Dean and Sam still look confused.

SAM: Disneyland?

ASH: Mm-hmm. Yeah. See you got Winchesterland. (He holds up his hands to indicate the bar.) Ashland. (He points all around outside the bar.) A whole mess of everybody-else-lands. Put them all together: heaven. Right? At the center of it all? Is the Magic Kingdom. The Garden.

For now I’m going to forego arguing the absurdist circles reads on this section of canon and explaining fundamental things like Ash as an unreliable narrator and how honestly absolutely fucking irrelevant and outright hysterical that this is what the fandom focuses on rather than the whole vat of cosmoconception, gnostic thought and baudrillard ideas floating around in here, sure, we’re gonna bicker with alt shippers over them misreading what Ash says about soulmates, an idea that didn’t even exist mythologically until the 19th century --lol, we’ll move past that and focus on the meat.

The center of it all is the garden. Check. 

Like, meditate if you need to. I need people to let that go. Let go of old fandom wank. Let go of heaven being a space, but rather a lot of nonspaces. Time is not a thing there. Space, really, is only as far of a thing as people perceive it within their own little mental domains. Perception rules all.

Heaven is the place of the Mind.

CASTIEL: (on radio) Please, listen. This spell, this connection, it’s difficult to maintain.

DEAN: Wait. If I’m in heaven, then where’s Sam?

CASTIEL: (on radio) What do you see?

DEAN: What do you mean ‘what do I see’?

CASTIEL: (on radio) Some people see a tunnel or a river. What do you see?

DEAN: Nothing. My dash. I’m in my car. I’m on a road.

CASTIEL: (on radio) Alright. A road. For you it’s a road. Follow it, Dean. You’ll find Sam. (The radio is breaking up.) Follow the road. (The radio dies.)

And importantly,

SAM: This is heaven’s Garden?

DEAN: It’s-it’s nice… ish. I guess.

JOSHUA: You see what you want to here. For some it’s God’s throne room; for others it’s Eden. You two, I believe it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip.

So beyond this, the only other mention we have of the axis mundi if you search supernatural transcripts is in Inside Man, where the hallway is acknowledged in unspoken text in Inside Man, when Bobby breaks out of his little mental box with Sam’s prompting. 

“Axis” remains the same from Latin. “Mundi” means:

toilet/dress (woman), ornament, decoration (uh, not this one)

universe, heavens (this one)

world, mankind (and this one)

Both of these ones. Bear through.

Now, this tracks, actually, if you think about heaven’s perspective there as from the angels we had the previous view seasons. We see the human perspectives in their own boxes, but when they step out rather than seeing a river, or a road, we see a white hall. These white halls, however, do lead to a white throne room that was god’s, rather than the road leading to a garden.

So again,  You see what you want to here. For some it’s God’s throne room; for others it’s Eden.

Okay, so, let’s recenter this, using Ash’s statement, at “the center of it all.” -- the garden. The Axis mundi flows to/from it, and along the way the “heavens” are there, but “heaven” as an idea comes with a lot of dogmatic associations I think makes people dig in their heels a little bit and think in... well, boxes. So instead of calling these “heavens”, moving forward I’m going to call them Thought-Boxes, alright? I want to detach any sort of christian coding you’ve attached to this in your brain and think about them as Thought-Boxes built by memories of the people using their greatest hits.

So let’s talk a little bit more about these Thought-Boxes. For example, in Byzantium, we see Jack in his own. During his time there, he’s living a greatest hit from around the time of Tombstone that was sort of an offscreen fill in. Now, Jack -- possibly from being half angel -- starts experiencing “seeing through” the parts that don’t make this real. There’s a break, a glitch if you will. The people that are there simply aren’t there. There are no souls to these, maybe there’s not even bodies. 

But despite this, even once he vacates, the place maintains physical properties. The physical props are there. They detect that Jack had been gone because his burger went cold.  This seems like an irrelevant detail but it very much is not.  I’m going to ask everybody to put a tack in this.

We can go on about the idea of abrupted memories leading to disappearing people in, for example, Dark Side of the Moon again. Fizzlefffft, baby Sam was gone once Dean cued into something not being right. But the environment remained, this imprint of a built space, a shadow of a memory.

But I’m going to go on to Thought-Boxes. Because Thought-Boxes don’t end at these heaven things. Thought-Boxes were with GadreelSam, with Casifer, with DeanMichael. I’m sure everyone wants to say “That’s not the same!!!” but... is it really different?

(Distantly hears someone yell YES)

No.

(YES)

No.

(Y-)

No, it really isn’t. Even ignoring the onset of the fact that entering Dean’s headspace in Nihilism was reflective of the Empty itself, there’s even more to this.

CHUCK:

Listen, you guys know me.

I'm hands-off.

I built the sandbox -- you play in it.

You want to fight Leviathans?

Cool. You got that.

You want to go up against -- what was it? -- the "British Men of Letters"?

Okay.

Little weak, but okay.

Okay cool, while this right here also had a bunch of subtext: such as, Chuck sort of entailing how he keeps them occupied, or that he built the sandbox but not the brings playing inside of it, I’m going to roll people back to remember what was going on inside Michael-Dean’s head, where Dean stayed complicit from a mix of contentment and battle. 

SAM Cass, wait a second. Would Michael bury Dean in trauma?

CASTIEL (dropping his hand and turning towards Sam) What do you mean?

SAM I mean, Michael said it himself. The reason he left Dean in the first place was because Dean was fighting back so hard.

CASTIEL So, if Michael wanted to keep Dean placated...

SAM Dean thrives on trauma. I mean, he's had to his whole life, right? It keeps him alert, keeps him ready, but if I wanted to distract Dean, I-I... I'd give him something he's never had before.

CASTIEL Contentment.

SAM Exactly.

So maybe, instead of looking through his bad memories, maybe let's, uh... maybe let's look through his good memories.

Hmm. HMM. Where is this familiar? Thought-Boxes. Oh, and Thought-Boxes. Now, if you have ceased to think of heaven as a single place, but rather an infinite amount of non-spaces connected by a line of the mental road-- and I haven’t even GOTTEN to the Occultum part yet-- this should be ringing some bells right now.

DEAN It'll hold. My mind, my rules.

I got him. I'm the Cage.

Do not forget this. DO NOT FORGET THIS. 

Now before I even deviate back to the full meaning of the Occultum, which will roll us back to the garden and the throne, I have a question for you: how is this different from Chuck having dominion in his own world? I mean people wanna yell IT’S REAL WORLD but I’m going to need everyone to stop. Because again, heaven is not a place within the universe. The universe is a place within the heavens. What divides it from being another Thought-Box beyond the fact that there are real souls in it, real people to have real experiences with?

This is actually the philosophical question of 15.2, but I’m not even ready to cross that bridge yet in this post. Thumbtack after thumbtack to keep track of, I know, but I’m getting to a point, I swear.

Chuck says in season 11 to Amara, “There’s a beauty, a glory in creation that’s greater than my pride or my ego. It was just there, waiting to be born. Since you’ve been free, I know that you’ve seen it. Felt it?” and looked to Amara. Amara also holds dialogue that Chuck and Amara were only Great because they stood in relation to each other, and he created the archangels to feel BIG, to make him feel LARGE. It was ego.

But that was just the beginning. This is... the rest.

Tick, tock, tick, tock.

What is it that keeps the world tick tick ticking in the absence of his oversight while he tries to corral stories for his Vision(TM)? Well, there’s a swiss watch, not too unlike hitler’s swiss watch that was like a horcrux, which saved his soul. But minding that the heavens themselves are timeless, what is it that commands that men live and move and eventually time?

Tick, tick, tick, tick.

God beholdens man to time. Because his own body is a cage. And I’ll even expand on that. And then, in confusion and fear, desperation to cling to life, one of several things happen.

Death is an infinite vessel.

I built the sandbox -- you play in it.

TESSA!REAPER It's my sandbox, I can make you see whatever I want.

...Death is an infinite vessel.

So let’s play a game. The clock stops for a person when the reaper comes to collect. Their time marching forward from Chuck’s sandbox, built over an infinite vessel of death, a firmament in which it exists-- that stops. They lose that cage, but may or may not still try to attach themselves to a universe. 

They can no longer play in it properly. They watch it go by without them. They lose their minds, watching the things and people they love continue without them. They go mad and increase in power in spirit, and sometimes do lash out and become something else entirely.

T!REAPER Well, like you said. There's always a choice. I can't make you come with me. But you're not getting back in your body. And that's just facts. So yes, you can stay. You'll stay here for years. Disembodied, scared, and over the decades it'll probably drive you mad. Maybe you'll even get violent.

DEAN What are you saying?

T!REAPER Dean. How do you think angry spirits are born? They can't let go and they can't move on. And you're about to become one. 

So what happens to those that do move on?

CASTIEL: Each soul in heaven is locked in its own private paradise. That's where you are now. You need to escape. You need to find the gate to earth and open it. Then you and I will find Metatron, the Scribe of God.

[...]

BOBBY: So, while I'm playing Steve McQueen, anyone gonna be looking for me?

CASTIEL: Everyone. The Angels will not like a soul wandering free.

First of all, Dabb using “locked” is not a fluke. Notice the phrasing. Locked. Escape. “The angels will not like a soul wandering free.” Heaven has become a caging system, and it is patrolled by the forces Chuck created to be those who execute his will, wavelengths of intent created by grace that, in theory, do not have their own souls*

I’m not going to go into the entire breakdown of why I hold Castiel has something of a viable soul as a deviation, because that’s it’s own meta and this is going to be ridiculous enough, but we need to stay on the ~general~ topic of heaven and souls and Thought Boxes.

Because this isn’t new either.

SAM

Since when do angels feed on humans?

HOLLOWAY

Since the dawn of man.

SAM

What are you talking about?

HOLLOWAY

Your souls... Are little slices of heaven.

SAM

And they've been hunting humans, making them create heavens in their minds and feeding off them.

Hopefully I don’t have to dig all the way back to remind everyone of the premise of the entire season 6 plot or the final point of S11, where human souls are the ultimate infinite power reactor, and he who has the most souls is god (and able to defeat the darkness, too), right?

We all are vaguely aware of that at least, right? That was the entire Castiel dark arc and why he tried to soak up Purgatory and declared himself God, right?

Okay.

So with that in mind, let’s look back at the watch--it’s like a horcrux. GodHitler saved Their Souls. Their Literal Souls. Tick, tick, tick. Man remains subject to time. The angels won’t like a soul wandering free. Tick, tick, tick, tick. 

But that’s still just the beginning. This is... still the rest. 

“The light was a LIE.” - Amara.

He who has the most souls is god. What puts off more light and energy, what do angels feed on, what do they fight to keep contained, what gives god his power, why must they remain caged? If I wanted to keep Humanity placated, I’d give it Contentment. Locked in its own little personal paradise. You have to escape. But angels won’t like souls wandering free.

“In the beginning, there was just me and sis. But I wasn’t satisfied.”

Your story. Not mine. Not ours.

“There are billions of us,” Kali decreed, “And we were here first.” - Hammer of the Gods, Dabb.

People think this stands in contrast with the idea of late seasons, under Dabb era, but I invite you to continue breaking the linear thought box.

If for example, there was something in creation greater than his pride or ego, waiting to be born--something that just is, as chuck and amara just were--maybe something just sleeping, waiting to find a meaning to exist, perhaps even a hidden forefather of the idea of Being and Absence that is Chuck and Amara, as darkness is only the Absence of Light--and if there was a glory in chuck’s creation greater than his pride or his ego that just happened to be born, only to reject him?

What was the mother of monsters? Eve. She was thrown to purgatory. Coincidental name?

THE GIRL: You must not be human. Humans may not enter here. Are you an angel?

JACK: Um, it's a long story. Why do humans have to stay out?

THE GIRL: This is the Garden. Man's beginning.

JACK: You mean...Eden. Like Adam and Eve?

THE GIRL: God loved them so. His prize creations, until he banished them and all of mankind from the perfection of the Garden. And he hid it away.

Alright so ignoring creepy girl sort of absent spitting Chuck propaganda while vague floating around, let’s actually pick at this while doubling back:

SAM: This is heaven’s Garden?

DEAN: It’s-it’s nice… ish. I guess.

JOSHUA: You see what you want to here. For some it’s God’s throne room; for others it’s Eden. You two, I believe it’s the Cleveland Botanical Gardens. You came here on a field trip.

Okay, remember the above commentary? About throne vs garden, and hidden away? 

So a creation greater than his pride or his ego simply was in the first Thought Box designed. This is the literal original Thought Box. This is where man in its purest form cropped up. I do beg you to ask though: minding that this is where Jack was reborn in Soul, are we entirely certain the idea of a body is even mandated in what defines humanity at this point?

And moreover, why did Chuck hide it?

In other posts, I’ve covered how Jack’s dialogue with the snake is a reflection of the dialogue of Poimandres from the Corpus Hermeticum (x), and I’ve been banging on with that accursed chart you’re all probably sick to death on about the stages of development, but hopefully I’ve ingrained that into some of your subconsciouses by now. 

CASTIEL: Yeah, he is. But, um, something's different. Jack is, uh -- well, he's been to the Garden. That's the crossroads of divinity and humanity. No one's been there since the exile till now.

The crossroads of divinity and humanity is man’s beginning. You might even call it the... AXIS MUNDI. The AXIS. Of HEAVEN AND MANKIND. Also I have another post about “the union by which life exists”  (x) and if you dive into the source text linked in the Jack post you’ll also read about that idea too. And that’s without even going into me sobbing violently about the use of the Occultum itself, which it and its verse is part of the Art arcana with all the Thoth tarot stuff I been talking (x)  

This union isn’t even new to SPN, it’s just been more low-key. For example, in “The Thing”, the alternate god pours out human blood as “Light” and grace as “Life.”

At a quick glance at the fandom, this seems backwards, unless we review that Chuck’s light was a lie, and that all things divine are powered by the soul as the One True Thing -- a whole alchemical thing you’ll find me spraying about in my souls, pagan life and general my meta tags. The very line Cas had about Absence of Good even comes from this, but I’ll diverge into that at a later time.

If the constructed mental universe, Chuck’s Thought Box that the humans are shoved into in bulk after the exile from the garden that he hid away, is what have the cages of bodies subject to time, then grace is ironically Life as we know it, as opposed to eternal light, whereas souls powering it are the true Light, but by it Life As We Know It Exists. 

Now Chuck can punish those who rebel, retrofit them with cursed bodies like monsters or even, say, pagan gods that then catch the flack of blame despite “being there first.” be that being on earth before angels came kicking around or being in the proverbial nonspace before Chuck kicked them out of his pet project for being uppity. 

In fact, does anyone notice the Leviathans and Shadow are not so different even in appearance? But they never got the development of a true life, they never got to explore themselves, they were only quasi-dark-divine beings left to suffer and eat each other and birthed what we call “monsters” which also, well, have souls.

So no, there’s not even a break in continuity with the pagan god timeline, it just takes breaking the linear thinking box going on, especially three dimensional+time based thinking. Because we’re operating outside of that. Circle back to beginning: Stop trying to make heaven function within the universe. Remember, the universe functions within the heavens.

But god hid the first Thought Box away. The Garden. Which is at the center of it all, the magic kingdom. Which some people see as god’s throne. Angels. See it as god’s throne. There, at the heart of the mundi. The beginning, the center, and the end.

Humans aren’t allowed there.

Angels don’t like souls wandering free. 

Chuck made them to feel big.

And Humanity stays placated with Contentment.

In order to be in the occultum, the occultum must be in you. 

Or as it is in alchemical practice:

VISITA RECTIFICANDO INVENIES OCCULTUM LAPIDEM = visit the interior parts of the earth ; by rectification(purification) thou shalt find the hidden stone.

The philosopher’s stone isn’t a literal rock, it’s a manifestation of completion, finding the true self, making gold from the reflection of soul as the true thing through mind by exploring the body, both personal body and body of the earth.

These stages I’ve gonged on about start at phase one: Blackness, the Blackening, represented by the Inky Man and called the Shadow. This is not actually different from Jung’s use of the Shadow either.

The Shadow. The Thing that Rules the Empty, that was there before Chuck and Amara, and has no meaning to exist, who knows everything about you.

Can you throw a soul to the empty? Sure, I guess. Are we so sure that doesn’t just return you to the source? Even Amara says that when she eats souls, they live on as one within her. But if you are Within Absence, are you not simply Outside of Being?

If you dig deep enough in my pagan life or my meta tags, you’ll find me banging on about cosmoconception between the two, but it is fundamental to understand that the Soul even in alchemy is the One True Thing. The Mind reflects it, and by reflecting the Soul, it not only Observes but Creates the Body of the self and the World.

So again I point back up to stuff like Thought Boxes and Chuck as the Mind, and the maker of the first Thought Box where something had just been waiting to be born that was greater than him.

Who are you? Who are you meant to be? 

I know who you hate, I know who you love. What do you want? Who are you? WHO. ART. THOU.

These are the critical stages of development, not even minding stuff like

I’ve gone on entire goddamn rants about the use of the blossom born out of putrefaction in purgatory, or the very meaning of putrefaction in the alchemical process: the breaking down and decay of a material of being to its blackened (shadow) state that leaves room for new growth to build on it over again.

If you skim these charts even passingly, which I have been posting on a loop for like 2 goddamn years, you’ll realize over those years Dabb has been playing paint-by-numbers across these points, because just like the other gnostic books or alchemical paths or cards I source, he’s using the source material. Just like Castiel’s quote about the absence of good. It’s all there.

This is ultimately an *aside* in a talk about Thought Boxes, but something worth touching on while we struggle across issues like the Soul, the Thought Box, and ultimately The Shadow. Because the Shadow is little more than the Shadow of man, often called in Alchemy The First Adam or The First Man. It is something beyond creation, even beyond the heavens, a paradox of itself I’ve spoken of before. Chuck is the demiurge religions call god; the Shadow of Man is the true god, and yet by living through the creation of the demiurge Logos, can become a more perfect god.

So rolling back to point:

In 15.2, Dean has a meltdown. Nothing in their lives is real, he declared.  It was a dark and painful scene, but I feel in many ways fandom is still struggling to get past this road bump in the cosmogenic structure. What’s real then? Do they fight to go back to earth once they beat Chuck?

*pulls your thought box out of Chuck’s propaganda machine and HIS thought box*

The magic kingdom. The center of it all. The place man truly belongs. The throne. The garden. A nonplace and a thing hidden away and kept under lock and key and patrol.

What’s real? People, families. We are. Souls. That’s real. Souls are what power it all. Souls are what make one god. Souls are people and families. We are. Everything else here is commentary. They’re created spaces. And we can even create our own. The problem being we are caged apart in Chuck’s system to keep people placated, keep them in a system of control once his games subject to Time are done, but they stay distracted, never together, never able to resist.

...Open the door.

Just like Chuck did hell. Open the door. Open all of the doors. Set man free. Let him retake the throne, let him retake the garden. Let the walls be torn down and let them build new and infinite worlds.

Earth would be one of many heavens to still exist, but if Chuck was unplugged from controlling the souls in his codex of time, what power does he have? Nothing. Because the souls are God. Chuck is just a mind among many then, and those minds have since built diverse experiences inside the machine to create their own. 

Sure, don’t just collapse earth. There’s still billions of us (hah, thanks Kali) that still have lives to live and decisions to make and autonomy to be had, loved ones to find. But free them of Chuck’s influence, build a better world, and leave a liberated heaven to enter. 

I have propositions on the what-and-how this will go, among other things, but that’s beside the point in this already very long post.

If you’re still confused, I encourage you to view any of the videos I’ve posted over and over and over again, or skim my pagan life tag, or souls tag, or any of the related tags of this and, worst case if you’re still confused, send me an ask.

But the real reason Chuck banished Her? Why She Couldn’t Be Allowed To Exist? 

He couldn’t stand it.

He knew they were equals.

[angel-princess-anna]

Speculation Sunday

In which weekly(?), I try to connect two dots (and connect nothing) in regards to the second DA film. This week, it’s more about the lack of spoilers and how it will be that way for awhile (also I realize it’s probably now Monday for most of you, whoops)

This post is based on my own perceptions and experiences having followed how they filmed and promoted the TV show and first film. I love discussing Downton, and I love hunting for spoilers, haha. Mainly because I want to know what’s gonna happen with my faves ASAP.

That said, I think we are going to get even less spoilery crumbs during the filming of DA 2021 than we did with DA 2019.

Focus and Carnival kept the official synopsis of the first film a mystery for a very long time (basically until the first full trailer came out) and I assume it will be similar this time too. They then dumped some more info and stills much closer to the release date. Interviews with the cast focused on “getting the gang back together” and I assume the DA 2021 press tour will focus on “getting the gang back together after lockdown” and “we are bringing escapism in dark times”. Understandable, but not ideal for people like me who love spoilers!

During most of the filming of the TV series, we didn’t get a lot of info and pics other than paparazzi photos (social media being less of a thing during the early series, and the latter because of cracking down on spoiler leaks), but then with S6, we were spoiled with riches given that they filmed outdoors a lot, and there was a bit of a social media campaign for the end of the show to honor the crew.

With DA 2019, all we got was a handful of outdoor sightings (the major one of course being the parade filming). This year we’ll have to rely on the paparazzi and tabloids, but again that’s if they film outdoors.

And given how most of the cast is when it comes to social media, and the worry of being punished for spoiler leaks, they aren’t gonna be taking selfies all the time.

So while we wait for Entertainment Weekly or the likes to visit the set, or one of the actors to promote another project and feed us crumbs in an interview, or a still gets released for a holiday... let’s think about what we do know.

The “original principal cast” is back. In Focus’ DA 2019 press release, that wording preceded a list of the main ensemble that was in all six series of the TV show, plus Matthew Goode and Harry Hadden-Patton. Raquel and Michael weren’t listed at that time, and while neither has posted on social media lately that I can see, Raquel’s latest post (as of writing this) has Baxley related hashtags lol. I don’t see why Baxter and Andy wouldn’t be in DA 2021. Kiddo wise, we know that the Baker boys are back as George and their triplet sister is playing someone. Fifi Hart is back as Sybbie. No word yet on the other children, but there’s five child actors from that one agency back for the new film (which doesn’t discount there being child actors from another agency).

Lily James didn’t appear in DA 2019, and I don’t think she would here either (regardless of, uh, Dominic West). Tuppence Middleton confirmed on Twitter she’s in; Max Brown confirmed he’s not. I haven’t seen anything concrete on Imelda yet, but I do assume she’d appear. We have at least four new characters, but nothing on who the new cast members will be playing.

Filming has already begun(!) at Ealing Studios, the studios they used when they filmed the TV show. And now they’ve been filming at Highclere Castle too!

Meanwhile, Rob gave us some clues on ITV’s This Morning:

- "someone goes for a bicycle ride" (easy, that’s the postman or whoever lol) - "someone has an argument" - "someone falls in love" - "someone falls out of love" - "someone goes to the shops"

As HWW said to me, perhaps it is not people that the characters are falling in and out of love with, but perhaps places, things, or ideas. And in the case of Thomas and Richard, it’s possible that they aren’t ‘over’, it’s just that they can’t see each other in the time frame of the film and maybe Thomas receives at least a letter from Richard or something. 

Now, what we don’t know, which is... mostly everything.

The timeline is a biggie, as it would definitely influence some of the plots. And it was something that really wasn’t confirmed for DA 2019 until after we got the trailer. The cast gave us vague ideas, but uh... let’s just say not all of them were correct.

Fellowes has always said that he wouldn’t take DA into the ‘30s, but he always used to say that he’d never work on DA and The Glided Age at the same time, and yet, here we are. I feel like he or Gareth mentioned at one point a sequel would follow closely to DA 2019 timeline wise. They had similarly said DA 2019 would follow closely after the TV show’s timeline, and that ended up being an 18 month gap.

Considering that DA 2021 is coming out during Christmas time, this makes me think that Christmas will be featured at some point. Not every DA Christmas Special did, but it’s festive, timely, and an event to help anchor the film and bring characters together.

The question then is, does it center around Christmas though? Of the three CSs that feature Christmas in some form (S6CS is really about New Year’s Eve, but the decorations and tree are still up), S2CS starts there but ends mid January of the next year, and S5CS and S6CS both start roughly in late summer, and then finish in late December (well 1 Jan in S6CS’ case).

One potential choice is to have it be set in December 1927 and then go into the next year, akin to S2CS. The S5/6 CS idea would set it in 1928 at the earliest.

Another thing factor to take into account here is Edith’s pregnancy. Fellowes skipped over showing Mary pregnant with Caroline in the first film and had her born before DA 2019, so the same might happen here again.

Other potential big events are perhaps a wedding between Daisy and Andy and/or Tom and Lucy.

And then the elephant in the room: Violet. Maggie’s said time and time again that Violet’s too old, and then we had the plot in DA 2019, which would set...  you know... that all up.

So like... filming outdoors in Bampton (where the town of Downton and the church was traditionally filmed for the TV series) is something is that is easily spoiled. They can put up screens to block the view around the church, but to also do it around the cemetery might be too telling. They did kinda manage with S6E8 (well, only kinda, ahem).

Thinking now about how members of the cast have said that DA 2021 will be coming at a time people are wanting/needing "escapism,” I don't think that discounts anything sad happening per se; a lot of people continued to call the TV series "escapism" when it got more darker (see: S4-5), and, I mean, people call Call the Midwife "cosy escapism" despite there being traumatic situations almost every episode it seems. So Violet's days could still very well be numbered. I remember how S3CS was marketed as a fun and frolicking trip to the Highlands, until the Norwegian channel NRK’s trailer for the episode came out and gave away that there was going to be a car accident. Escapism isn't the same for everyone anyway, so we'll have to see what this all entails. I don't necessarily want this for Violet, but I do hope that DA 2021 takes itself a bit more seriously, as the TV show did.

The first movie was written in a manner that was so that it was (somewhat?) understandable to people who didn’t watch the TV series. I have to wonder if DA 2021 has been written similarly. Part of me thinks it will be more similar to the first film than to the TV series, but with a potential sad plot for Violet... who knows, it might go back to its more “serial” roots (if that makes any sense). If DA 2021 also leans more into comedy as DA 2019, I don’t foresee it doing so but we’ll see.

That’s it for the this ramble! I have a topic for the next one regardless of the lack of crumbs! ;)

[nanoland]

new chapter (lucifer fic)

Ponder on the Narrow House, part 6 

Mazikeen/Eve/Michael  

(Whole thing can be read on AO3.) 

0  

Fuck the next bounty.

After thinking about it for ten seconds, Mazikeen turned them around and started driving straight for Los Angeles.

Eve can talk to him. Not me. He needs to talk to someone, and Eve will do.

Barely half a mile later, Amenadiel dropped out of the sky and landed in the middle of the road, just far enough away for her to bring the car to a screeching halt before it would otherwise have slammed into him like wet clay into a steel wall.

“We’ve got a problem,” he said, looking exhausted.

She snorted and pointed skyward. “Yeah. This? Not gonna lie, I was expecting something like this. But I thought it would take, like, at least a month.”

Wincing, Amenadiel said, “No, that’s… that’s a different problem and Chloe’s promised to discuss it with him. Maze, we need you back at Lux. Now.”

“Hi, Amenadiel!” Eve called, waving.

He succeeded in smiling at her without even glancing at Michael, despite his younger brother sitting right at her side, glaring fixedly.

“Why?” demanded Mazikeen, tensely drumming her fingers on the wheel. (Inner voice hissing, Shouldn’t have left him alone, you dumb bitch, you’ve been doing this for centuries and you know what he’s like when you leave him alone for more than five minutes.) “Seriously – what could he possibly need me for? He’s God.”

Sighing, Amenadiel put his wings away. “Mazikeen, we’re all well aware that Lucy often… has difficulty focusing. To put it mildly. There’s a lot more for him to focus on now than ever before. He’s trying to undo climate change. To that end, he started refreezing all the melted ice in the Arctic. But he did it too quickly and, resultantly, there are several hundred trapped ships we need to save and several thousand dead penguins to resurrect and, to be honest, he hasn’t really got the hang of resurrection yet – you remember what Dan looked like for the first few hours after Lucifer brought him back to life…”

“Eurgh. Yeah. Yuck. Totes not the kinda shit you’d wanna see in Happy Feet.”

Michael was snickering.

“Right. And then there are all the changes he’s been making locally,” Amenadiel went on. “The expansion of Lux, the overnight disappearance of all Los Angeles’ firearms, his deciding that the city’s white supremacist population should grow a third ear so they can be easily identified, and, well, it turns out that a lot of Chloe’s colleagues at the police station-…”

“I get it, I get it. Chaos everywhere. As usual. What, exactly, is the problem he wants me to fix?”

Amenadiel exhaled heavily. “The demons. The ones you brought from Hell to help us defeat Michael.”

“Oh, so you do remember I exist,” Michael muttered.

Stonily ignoring him, Amenadiel said, “They’re still on Earth and they’re causing trouble. The one called Dromos, in particular. He’s gathered followers and they’ve surrounded Lux.”

Her brother’s face – his real face, not the human puppet he wore – flashed through her mind’s eye; a memory from when they were unruly children and had raced through Hell together, using the stone pillars that they’d not yet known were cells as an obstacle course. She’d been faster; he, more athletic. Together with a few cousins, they’d made a fearsome team, and not even their meanest older siblings had bullied them.

She folded her arms and looked away. “They’re demons. Lucifer can deal with them. Snap his fingers and turn them into rats or whatever. Make them explode.”

“Mazikeen,” Eve murmured, soft and low, touching her shoulder. “You don’t want that. They’re your family.”

Amenadiel blinked, as though that hadn’t occurred to him. “Er… yes, there’s that. There’s also the fact that Lucifer doesn’t want all of humanity to see him as the type of God who casually annihilates his enemies; a harsh, vindictive God. He wants to be liked. To be loved.”

“Fine. So why don’t you and the other angels sort it out?”

“Come now, Maze. A bunch of angels and a bunch of demons waging war in the midst of a bustling city? Humans will die. But you’re the Queen of Hell now and, by extension, the Queen of Demons. If you command Dromos to stand down, he will. This can all be resolved peacefully.”

Eve’s fingertips were cool against her skin.

Mazikeen looked back at the sky. The cloud letters were starting to dissolve. “What does he want?”

“Who?”

“Dromos. He doesn’t act on instinct. He’s a planner. He wants something.”

Shrugging, Amenadiel said, “He shouted at me about demanding an audience with the king. I didn’t ask for details. I don’t really care. Dromos isn’t someone I’m inclined to listen to at the best of times. The last time the wretch showed his face on Earth, he kidnapped my son.”

“Mmm. Kinda like your sister was gonna do. Kinda like you were gonna do, now that I think about it.”

“Maze!” he gasped, sounding shocked and hurt. “You can’t compared poor Remiel’s misguided actions to-…”

“I’ll do it,” she interrupted. “Take me to Lux. Now.”

“Excuse me? What about us?” snapped Michael.

Mazikeen met Eve’s gentle gaze. “You don’t need to be involved in this. My family drama, it – it’s not pretty.”

“My son killed my son,” said Eve, taking her hand. “My husband loved another woman. I’m used to drama.”

Swallowing, Mazikeen glanced at Michael. “And you, wimp?”

Feigning disinterest – feigning it badly – he said, “You showed up to my last domestic dispute. Guess this’ll make us square.”

“I’ve only got two arms. I can’t carry all of you,” Amenadiel pointed out.

Mazikeen rubbed her chin. “No… but you can carry the car, right?”

0

He didn’t have time for this. There was so much to do.

“World hunger,” he recited as he bounced from one laptop to the next, all twenty-three of them displaying a different article or video by a leading scientific or sociological mind, “wealth inequality, pollution, cancer, droughts, racism, elderly abuse, housing shortages, cruelty to animals…”

“Lucifer,” said Linda patiently, sitting on his best couch with her legs crossed, a cup of coffee and a laptop of her own beside her. “You said you wanted my advice as to how you should manage this whole ‘being God’ business.”

“I do, doctor! Very much. Your input is invaluable. Blast, where did I put that map of Alaska? I’m thinking of making it bigger; slotting it in alongside the Arctic to help stabilise all that new ice.”

“Right. Thanks. So here – here is what I’m suggesting now; slow down. Seriously. Take a breath, step back, and think your next move through.”

He scoffed. “‘Slow down’? Doctor, I need to work at least three times faster if I’m to keep up with everything. There are people suffering everywhere, millions of them! There are sinners in need of punishment! I’m seriously considering asking Chloe to be my Deputy God. I never imagined omnipotence would entail so much paperwork and she’s always been better at that than me.”

Outside the penthouse, many stories below, the chanting grew louder. None of the human police officers, journalists, and gawkers who’d gathered to watch could understand it; it was in Lilim.

Cursing, Lucifer strode to the balcony and shouted down, “For the last time, would you all kindly piss off? I’m trying to fix an entire planet here!”

He heard the elevator open and moaned. “Detective, not now. Please. I’m very sorry I haven’t returned your calls – I swear I’m not avoiding you – it’s just that I’ve got a lot on my plate today and we did already agree to meet for supper at-…”

“Lucifer,” said Linda, sounding terrified.

“Lucifer,” said someone else, sounding irritable.

Now that he was God, rage didn’t turn his eyes red anymore. It turned them gold and blindingly bright, like spotlights. Fists clenched, he turned to see Dromos step into the penthouse, once again clad in the flesh of the late Father Kinley and wearing a leather jacket.

“Nice trick, making all the doors disappear. Finally decided to climb up the side of the building with a sledgehammer and burrow my way through into the elevator shaft,” said the demon, hands in his pockets and concrete dust coating his beard and his bald head. “I want to talk to you, sire.”

Storming across the room while Linda remained frozen, white-faced, on the couch, Lucifer snarled, “You! You have the nerve to come here, to stand before me, after what you did to my nephew?”

He took Dromos by the neck and lifted him off the ground, his wings opening in fury (he had six of them now).

Stoical even as he choked, Dromos said, “I need. To talk. I will leave immediately afterwards.”

“Oh, you’ll leave, alright! You’ll be lucky if I don’t throw you into an active volcano, you accursed traitor!”

Dromos’ stolen skin began to sizzle beneath his fingers. He waited until the demon’s face was wrinkled with pain before throwing him to the floor hard enough to crack the wood and make a crater.

“I will leave,” Dromos gasped, coughing up blood, “when I have spoken.”

“What could you possibly have to say for yourself? Kidnapper. Child-thief.”

Still on the couch, Linda said tremulously, “Lucifer, you’re… you’re hurting him. Stop it. Please.”

“Let us stay!” shouted Dromos, and coughed again before dragging himself up onto his knees. “On Earth. That’s what I came to say. Let your erstwhile subjects stay on Earth if they choose – at least, those who served you in the battle against Michael. Don’t force them to return to Hell. Let them, let us choose where we live, going forward. That’s my request, your Majesty. My only request.”

Lucifer boggled at him. “Is that a joke? Demons? On Earth, indefinitely, unsupervised? Are you out of your tiny mind, Dromos?”

Baring teeth, Dromos said, “Why not? What does it matter to you now? You’ve got everything you could possibly want. Everything anyone could possibly want! All we’re asking is the freedom to come and go as we please.”

“No.”

He spoke the word bluntly, and then he stepped back, adjusting his cuffs. Regaining his composure. “Never. You’re dangerous and untrustworthy. This world is for humans, not you. Good grief, haven’t I got enough to preoccupy my mind, without the added stress of demons rampaging around town?”

“We won’t rampage. We just-…”

“Why are you even coming to me with this? Mazikeen’s the new Queen of Hell. Didn’t you get the memo?”

Dromos wiped blood from his lips. “I don’t know if my sister and I are on speaking terms right now. And she may be Queen, but you’re God; I assumed you would be tasked with such decisions. After all, there’s never been a demon in charge of Hell before. We were told – we were always told – that only angels could rule us. I don’t doubt Mazikeen’s competence, but I…”

He seemed to run out of steam, spreading his hands and finishing weakly, “Lucifer, you’re the king. You’ve been the king for millions of years. For my entire life. Look, if you really don’t want us leaving Hell, then can you at least use your newfound power to improve it? Let us have the things mortals enjoy? Pianos, dogs, blankets, weekends, all that stuff?”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “That would rather defeat the purpose, wouldn’t it? Hell is supposed to be a place of punishment. The ultimate consequence awaiting sinners. I need a carrot and a stick, Dromos. How else am I supposed to convince people to behave if I don’t? Imagine a rapist arriving in Hell and being confronted with demons playing pianos and walking their dogs. Wouldn’t have quite the desired effect, would it?”

Dromos was quiet for a moment, then said without inflection, “Perhaps you could find somewhere else to put rapists. Somewhere other than our home.”

Throwing up his arms, Lucifer said, “More demands! Don’t you see how selfish you’re being? Here I am, doing my best to end all suffering, and you’re complaining about babysitting a few evil-doers – which, might I remind you, is your job. Nay, your very reason for existence. Always has been. Why’re you getting stroppy about it now?”

“I think,” Linda began, taking a tentative step forward before stopping and clearing her throat. “Excuse me. May I interrupt? Um. Okay, so I think that maybe Dromos has a point here, Lucifer.”

“Doctor! This is the creature that stole your baby!”

“Yes, I know. And I’m not saying I forgive him for that, but…”

“I wasn’t going to eat the brat,” Dromos grumbled. “I was going to make him a king.”

“You took him away from his mother!” Lucifer shouted.

“Gentlemen!” said Linda, sharply. “Please! Let’s try to talk this through like adults.”

Overcome with frustration, and only vaguely aware that he’d not been sleeping well lately, Lucifer kicked the nearest chair. “I can’t believe you’re siding with him, doctor.”

“I’m not siding with anyone. I-…”

“You don’t know these people like I do. You didn’t spend millions of years in Hell alongside them. The only demon you’ve ever gotten acquainted with is Maze, and she’s not like the others; even without a soul, she’s learned how to behave like a more-or-less civilised adult, barring the occasional tantrum. But your average, baseline demon has nothing to them besides wrath and cruelty. Lilith made them to be weapons and that’s all they really are. I mean – just imagine, for a moment, how hard it was for me. To go from the Silver City, the most beautiful place ever created, to a lightless nightmare realm full of these bloodthirsty animals. To be surrounded by them, for endless eons, while they nattered mindlessly on and on about how much they love torture and pain and…”  

He trailed off. Linda and Dromos were both looking past him.

To the elevator. Where – oh – Mazikeen was standing.

Where Mazikeen was crying.

No sobs, not like when Dan had died. No expression at all, really. Just open eyes, motionless muscles, and steady tears.

Before Lucifer could say a word, she pressed the button to close the elevator doors.

“Wait!” he yelped, sprinting over to stop them.

He needn’t have bothered. Now that he was God, objects did whatever he told them to do. The doors stilled, half-open.

“That sounded wrong,” he acknowledged, clasping her shoulders in apology. “You completely missed the context. What I was trying to say was-…”

“Don’t touch me.”

It was a phrase he’d heard many times before from mortal lovers to whom he had accidentally revealed his Devil Face. Some of them said it in horror. Some of them, the religious ones, said it in anger.

Mazikeen looked neither horrified nor angry. She looked sick. As though the very sight of him turned her stomach.

Lumbering over, Dromos stepped into the elevator alongside her and pointedly pressed the button again. With no idea what to do or say, Lucifer allowed the machinery to work.

The elevator closed.

“What have I done?” he asked Linda.

0

Nothing I didn’t know.

“Maze?” called Eve, waiting by the car with the others as Mazikeen stepped out of Lux’s front door and into the sunlight.

The door hadn’t been there when they’d arrived. She’d been forced to use Dromos’ route. Lucifer must have decided to put it back. He could do that now. Just decide things. Didn’t need servants, nor followers, nor anyone. Sure didn’t need a ‘more-or-less civilised adult’ whose kin were animals.

“Maze! Wait!”

Mazikeen didn’t know where she was going, only that she was walking very quickly and felt that she’d die if she stopped. She heard Eve’s heels patter on the pavement and heard her say her name a third time, quiet and worried, and that was what stilled her feet.

“What happened?” murmured Eve, cupping her face.

The fifty or so demons who’d been standing around outside Lux when Amenadiel had set the car and its passengers down were still there. Instead of chanting to get their king’s attention, they were now looking at her.

Michael and Amenadiel stood among them, the latter having been trying to convince them to stop blocking traffic.

Which was what she should have been doing. It was what he’d brought her here to do. But she’d been gripped by a sudden, violent need to see Lucifer, to check on him, just quickly, before tending to her siblings. Once a bodyguard, always a bodyguard.

Except that wasn’t what I was. Not to him. To him, I was a Rottweiler on a leash.

“Are you alright?” asked Amenadiel, his eyes overflowing with concern.

That was what cracked her.

To him. Not to everyone. Not to Eve, or Amenadiel, or Linda. It’s not that I’m incapable of earning love and respect.

I’m just incapable of earning his.

Her legs gave out. She crumpled against Lux’s outside wall and started to weep properly, loud and bitter.

Eve immediately dropped down beside her, holding her tight. Michael shuffled closer, rubbing his shoulder while his mouth opened and shut, testing out sentences that were never spoken.

Then Dromos was there, kneeling, his face sad and tired.

“We did what we were told,” she said to him in Lilim, through sniffles. “We obeyed. We were loyal. We… we…”

“We are alone, sister,” he replied. “But I think we always were.”

“We obeyed!”

“We obeyed Lilith and she left. We obeyed Lucifer and he left. No one wants us, Mazikeen. It’s just the truth.”

She took a shuddering breath and squeezed her eyes shut. “No. I want us.”

Seizing his jacket’s shoulder, she hauled herself to her feet and addressed the crowd, her voice raw: “I want you! You’re my family and I want you! And I swear I will be the queen you deserve, for as long as you’ll have me!”

Her human skin fell away, the left side of her face turning cold, bony, and brittle.

Stepping back to join their siblings, Dromos asked hesitantly, “What would you have us do, then, my queen? What are your orders?”

Hurriedly drying her eyes, she studied them one by one. “Whoever wants to can stay here. But I’m going home. Hell is going to be ours, Dromos. No more damned souls. No more angels. It’s ours now and we’re going to make it into something we can love.”

She turned to face Eve and Michael, her heart pounding. “You’ll come with me, yeah? You’ll stand with me?”

“Always,” said Eve, closing in to kiss her.

“Whatever,” Michael muttered, clearly just relieved that the crying part was over.

Amenadiel sighed, shaking his head gravely. “Mazikeen, are you sure this is what you want? You won’t be able to leave Hell on your own – you’ll need to contact me.”

“Yeah. At least until this one grows his feathers back,” she said, gesturing at Michael. “That’s okay. You’ll always come when I call, right?”

“Of course. You’re my friend, Maze. I’m sorry if I haven’t said that often enough.”

Fuck it. Cringing on the inside, Mazikeen drew Amenadiel into a quick, gruff hug. “You too, idiot.”

[chamyl]

Good Omens fic recs, part two

Find part one here!

All are completed. Sorted by rating and then by length, NSFW ones under the cut.

Entwined in Every Step I Take by Ghostinthehouse Gen, 1842 words "You do know," he said after a long moment, "that angels can sense love, don't you?" "Going to smite me down for it, angel?" "I think you're quite smitten enough, without adding to it."

Demonology and the Tri-Phasic Model of Trauma: An Integrative Approach by Nnm Gen, 99421 words As soon as Aubrey Thyme, psychotherapist, had opened her office door and seen her new client, Anthony J. Crowley, sitting in her waiting area, she was observing and assessing him. At first glance, she paid attention to the following: --His clothing was expensive and stylish; --He wore very strange but noticeable cologne; --His relationship to the seat he occupied could only, very loosely, be described as “sitting;” --He looked angry; --He was wearing sunglasses. What Aubrey Thyme, a professional, thought, upon first seeing her new client was: you’re going to be a fun one, aren’t you?

Too Generous by rfsmiley Teen and up, 1501 words “You are too generous to trifle with me. If your feelings are still what they were last April, tell me so at once. My affections and wishes are unchanged; but one word from you will silence me on this subject for ever.” Or: what happened after the [ we all got hit by a ] bus scene (aka "you could stay at my place, if you like")....

Birds of a Feather by idiopathicsmile Teen and up, 3608 words “Isn’t this nice?” says Aziraphale with badly feigned casualness the next time Crowley stops by for a late night drink. Crowley is all set to reply, words lined up in his mouth waiting to go, when Aziraphale adds, “I mean, all of the books and furniture and bottles of wine and things?” Aziraphale nests. Crowley relearns some crucial facts about angelic courtship rituals.

forgotten (but not gone) by writeonclara Teen and up, 9541 words “Angel,” this demon accuses, somehow managing to hiss the word despite the lack of sibilant letters. Aziraphale tips his chin up, wondering why his heart had stumbled strangely at the title. It’s what he is, and has been so for millennia. Coming from this demon, though, it has the feeling of—of an endearment, somehow, which is just foolish beyond all words. “Serpent,” is what his mouth says, but then his teeth click shut around the word. The demon’s eyes widen. “You know me then?” Aziraphale shakes his head.

Dearly Departed by attheborder Teen and up, 29774 words Finally, Aziraphale spoke. “You mean to say— you got us married?” “Just as a precaution, I never really thought I’d end up discorporated again, it’d been ages, you just don’t get stampedes or assassinations like you used to —” “You got us married, and you didn’t tell me?” *** Crowley gets inconveniently discorporated. And it’s not like it’s ever been easy to get a new body, but this time around, things really aren’t looking good. His new innuendo-obsessed lust-demon of a coworker honestly isn’t helping things. Meanwhile, Aziraphale has a dead body to contend with, and an occult mortician & his very normal daughter to fend off. What lengths will he go to in order to get Crowley back to Earth?

Pray For Us, Icarus by Atalan Teen and up, 65836 words For three centuries, Crowley has been reincarnated over and over as a human with no memory of his past. Aziraphale has tried to find a way to restore him to his true self, but all he seems to do is hurt them both. This time, he only means to steal a brief moment when he walks into Crowley's flower shop. But Crowley can't let it go...

Four-Letter Words by idiopathicsmile Mature, 3081 words Prompt: "humiliation kink by way of compliment, Aziraphale gets Crowley hot and bothered by accusing him of goodness." It’s a chilly day in November of 1987, and Aziraphale badly wants a drink.

These Captive Stars by darlingred1 Explicit, 6433 words Over the centuries Aziraphale learned many things about the human form, as well as his own, and among his lessons was this: most humans do not have thighs so exquisitely sensitive as his. (Aziraphale has very sensitive inner thighs. Crowley finds out, and things get smutty but also incredibly sappy.)

Consecrated ground by equestrianstatue Explicit, 8263 words Aziraphale’s mouth burned. But not like hellfire burned, cruel and destructive, sizzling a hole through whatever it touched. This was that same terrible charge of ethereal electricity, conducted in the very fluid of Aziraphale’s being. Something that had seemed so outside of him, something of heaven, something that wasn’t part of the Aziraphale who had lived six thousand years here with Crowley on Earth, careful and petty and kind. And yet here heaven had been, all this time, just past his lips.

Yield Under Pressure by writeonclara Explicit, 9934 words Aziraphale’s eyes crack back to him, like a pistol whip. The fixed look enters his gaze again. Crowley stares flatly back. He’s been an apex predator for far longer than Aziraphale ever has. But then Aziraphale wrenches his eyes away and roughly shakes his head. “I really don’t. I—that is to say—she—” “Who?” Crowley demands furiously. “Michael? Beezlebub?” “Second.” Anger bubbles up in Crowley’s chest, but he tamps it down. It can wait. “What did she do?” “I don’t know, Crowley!” It’s almost like their normal bickering, except Aziraphale is shaking so hard that Crowley can hear his wings rustle. “She said—she—” He squeezes his eyes shut. “‘Fall, or die. The choice is yours’.” OR: Aziraphale is hit with sex pollen. Crowley helps him through it.

a soft place to land by PaintedVanilla Explicit, 10005 words Crowley isn't sure how to ask for something when he doesn’t even know what it is that he wants. [My notes: this one has a special place in my ❤️]

To Give and To Receive by TheGypsyQueen Explicit, 10397 Or: Is That Really All It Took? Crowley likes to give Aziraphale things. Food, drinks, rides, whatever, it doesn't matter. It's all worth the praise and the gratitude and those glowing angelic smiles. He cannot imagine that Aziraphale would want to return the favor, and doesn't think he should. Aziraphale disagrees with that sentiment.

A Kiss Is Just A Kiss by juliet & laurashapiro Explicit, 10522 words “The rules are: apart from kissing, you don’t touch me, I don’t touch you. For the next two days.”

End with Hope by PepperPrints Explicit, 15888 words In 537 A.D., the Black Knight enters King Arthur's Tournament of Champions, with quite disastrous consequences, and Sir Aziraphale of the Round Table takes it upon himself to intervene -- which, naturally, also turns out to be quite disastrous in itself. [My notes: one of my favourites EVER. How I want to write? Like this like this like this]

One Night In Bangor (And the World's Your Oyster) by Atalan Explicit, 17381 words "All right, I know I'm going to regret asking this," Aziraphale says. "What exactly does this wager entail?" Crowley grins like the cat that not only got the cream but has absconded with the entire cow. He grabs the bottle and swigs straight from it despite Aziraphale's tut of disapproval. "The pot goes to whichever demon can get an angel into bed by the end of the evening." AKA The Fic That Tumblr Made Me Write. Heaven and Hell share a corporate party once per millennium. This time someone's had the bright idea of issuing a challenge to the demons of Hell. Crowley has no intention of missing the opportunity; Aziraphale's just enough of a bastard to make him work for it. [My notes: this has been rec'd all over tumblr already, but hey. with good reason]

For the Longest Time by darlingred1 Explicit, 20370 words “You…” Aziraphale sounded baffled, and suddenly quite sober. “You liked that? But, my dear, you said it was torturous. ‘Six thousand years of torture,’ as I recall.” “Yeah. Yeah, but the anticipation, and the yearning, and…and how every moment with you was so maddeningly intense, and…” And what else could Crowley say? How could he expect Aziraphale to understand that after six thousand years of torture he’d actually got a bit used to it? That he’d felt like a band strained further and further, and now he found himself permanently stretched, flopping about with too much slack and no way to hold on to what he’d been reaching towards for so long? (Crowley kind of misses the pining when it's gone. Aziraphale comes up with a solution.) [My notes: AKA 'that 20k edging fic']

[interestsofabookwormbitch]

Season 1 Episode 8

You know, I really shouldn't watch another episode right now. I have a 1500 word essay due tomorrow at midnight. But also like, that's feels so far away right now, and I just want to keep watching... so episode 8.

Ooh, Isobel narration.

Oh ew. Him.

Ok, but I actually really enjoyed her opening still.

Oh Max and Isobel's mom! Haven't seen her yet. She seems nice so far. Doesn't know about Isobel being in the hospital apparently.

Liz, as much as you don't want to talk about it, Kyle's gonna need an explanation.

Wait, why's she trying to get out now? I'm confused

Her angry letter is way more complex than any letter I've ever seen. Lmao. And you know, I've been trusting Kyle for so so long now, he's been great, but this little bit of information along with his look makes me nervous he'll mess up.

!?!? Alex what you doing? Ok, I get it, you're curious, but your dad is honestly probably the worst person to ask.

! Ok, did he deserve that hit? Yes. Does that make me worried about Alex? Also yes.

Ok, now onto talking with mom. She really didn't think that was weird? Cause I'd think that was strange. You know?

He in fact did not find it.

Kyle... can you maybe not. Oh shit he did! Ok fuck you! I was gonna mention Isobel seeming off, but not anymore. Kyle you can't just do that.

Michael and Maria. See now I'm worrying their gonna spin a relationship there. I would prefer just friends please. Thank you.

Ok, I like this though. Max and Michael I mean. They're talk. I mean, as curious as I am about the mark I'm more interested in seeing what this says about their characters. It's fairly obvious, but still. "You never want to talk about home" Michael feels out of place. He's never felt like this was home, we've seen this before too. He believes that where they come from is where he belongs in a way. Maybe it'd make him feel better. Not in such turmoil. "Roswell is home" is obviously Max's insistence that this is where they live, this is where they grew up and forger their lives. Anything before doesn't matter, this is all he knows so this is who they are. Before is just a reminder that it isn't quite so straightforward, so he doesn't talk about it.

There's so much they need to uncover about their history man, I don't think we're gonna get it all in season 1 either.

And now to find out about Issobel. This is gonna cause problems.

Oh, ok, not so much now that we know it was her doing. Fair enough. I take back my previous "fuck you" apologies to Kyle.

I don't know how I feel about this right now Alex. I am very worried for his mental well being right now.

Yeah, ok, so Isobel's powers aren't working, she's happy about it, Michael clearly is upset by it, and I'm very worried for what this will entail longterm.

Michael is getting mad at Liz, and I totally understand why, but also I can't really blame her. This is messy. I wouldn't call it revenge though. She did create it out of anger, but she wasn't even gonna keep it. That was Max. She wasn't gonna use it. That was Isobel.

Isobel is way too happy about this though. Something is definitely gonna go wrong.

Yeah, ok that went south very quickly. Isobel this is why we don't take drugs we don't know the side effects of.

They're gonna save her right? Like Isobel isn't gonna die here. That's too anticlimactic.

Ok, back to Alex and his very anxiety causing ways. Idk, maybe it's just from what Maria's mom said last time, but something feels off. I mean, yay to figuring things out, but also I don't feel like saying yay.

Ok, yeah, Liz is gonna have to create the antidote.

"He's not my child is he" fuck off. Like you actually care about your child when you would beat him and treated him like garbage.

"I want to destroy the thing you love and make you watch," sounds a little too villainous Alex, let's tone it down a little. Ok?

Aahgdj. And there's Michael. We love a good shocking reveal. Also terrorist activity really?

Liz what are you doing?

Ok, so she's trying. Thank God.

Oh this is really awkward. The clashing is fair, but they should get over it if they want to save Isobel. Ok Liz, assert yourself. I kinda love her, cause she's trying even after what happened

Wow, ok, he really wants to leave. Rebuilding the ship and everything. Like man, he really doesn't feel he belongs here. He's lost, looking for some place to feel like home. I should probably stop analyzing right now.

You know, good on you telling Liz what happened, but maybe wait until after you save Isobel. Don't want any unknown hiccups potentially making Liz mad. Do I think she's gonna leave and not help? No. Does Michael know she won't? No he doesn't. So he shouldn't be saying this me thinks.

Love the denial on her part though

Let's go! Liz and Michael team up! Yes!

Oh let's not let there mom see her right now. This is gonna be painful. Ok, their poor mom. She's trying. It is good that she doesn't see her like this though.

Kyle is in a very awkward position right now. And Noah is in a very shitty one.

Ouch!

I actually really like Kyle.

Ok, wow. Manes is fucking delusional on top of a homophobic asshole. Alex I say just go talk to Michael about this. Don't bother listening to your dad.

Yes, fucking call him out.

Save Isobel! We've got it, we're so close!

This is making me sad.

Ok, blackmail your father to leave. We like it we like it. We don't love it cause I'm still worried for Alex, but we definitely like getting rid of Manes.

She may not be dying, but she's leaving and it's still sad, but its better than dying.

I don't know what else to say tbh.

Liz is honestly such a good person, like literally so good. Though she is wrong on her and Max not meaning to be together. But I've accepted that the earliest they'll get together is the season finale.

Ugh, Manes is still here. Fucking Jenna. Don't talk to him. Lie to him the whole time.

Ok, they are setting up something here aren't they. See no. I refuse it.

His mom keeps saying he looks thin, but he really doesn't. And he definitely needs that cry.

Honestly, I am probably gonna watch another episode aren't I? Yep. I'll watch another one and rush to finish my essay last minute. You know how it is.

[signor-signor]

Trending 27th - January 2020

What have been your efforts in the campaign for SaveWOY and what are your upcoming plans to save WOY? Now this is a question worth answering!

In the past, I made a little list of the things I did to support SaveWOY and bring awareness to Wander Over Yonder’s existence and its third season plans. Since then, I’ve done a whole lot more from hand-drawn art to more intricate art. Some of them are almost as special as that signed poster @peepsqueak got from the WOY crew as a token of their gratitude.

Here’s an updated list of everything I did for SaveWOY so far:

Attended the SaveWOY picnic at Griffith Park, where I got to sign a banner.

Pointed out various higher-ups involved in the business of Disney television.

Sent several letters to the higher-ups, some of which had envelopes with an image of the downed space pod taped to them.

Started a weekly Twitter post series, SaveWOY Thought of the Week.

Made Lite-Brite art of Wander and Lord Hater, which Craig McCracken and Francisco Angones liked.

Attended D23 2017 with an Operation: FORCE drawing of Hater, a colored page of Wander and Sylvia and a few facts about WOY, and an orange pen with a green hat (I got the hat from the aforementioned picnic) - there, I signed a bench with Wander and the phrase, “Never hurts to help.”

Signed my name, drew Wander (and my own character, Jacken DeBox), and wrote, “Happiest place in outer space!” on the highest beam for Star Wars: Galaxy’s Edge.

Wrote a letter (and drew Wander) for the victims of the Las Vegas tragedy with the message, “The darkest times call for the sunniest smiles!”

Got Craig to reveal the name of the ship (said to play a BIG part in S3, made a cameo in Future-Worm) when I commented that we’d have to figure out the name - his response: “The ship is called The Star Nomad.”

Wrote a couple of cards to two Disney higher-ups with the message, “A little nice makes naughty think twice!”

Drew Dominator in a situation that might take place several seconds after she passes the downed space pod, just in time for Noël Wells’s B-day.

Made the Star Nomad with LEGO Digital Designer.

Made three images in the style of the original Star Wars trilogy VHS set.

Posted 50 WOYS3PredictionPolls on Twitter.

Made an image of “The First 5 Years” with over 140 individuals (including the question marks for 3 new mains and 2 new regulars - I still want to know what they look like!) and one cleverly made Hidden Mickey.

Shared WOY-related images from my 1st 5 Years fan art on Twitter acknowledging the B-days of most of the voice actors (Charlie Adler, Kevin Michael Richardson, Ken Marino, Josh Sussman, H. Michael Croner, James Adomian, Jason Ritter, and Piotr Michael clearly noticed).

Typed a summary of how I think the S3 premiere would go.

Typed lyrics to “Let’s Go Soarin’ and Explorin’,” a song from my aforementioned S3 premiere summary. Wouldn’t it be great if Andy Bean used it?

Made a microgame with WarioWare: D.I.Y. where the player has to spin the fan to make the Star Nomad fly. Part of a chorus from “Let’s Go Soarin’ and Explorin’” included.

Started FanCharacterFriday on Twitter - more Tumblr users seem to like Dr. Otmar Vunderbar.

Made a short comic page of Lord Hater trying to break out of the DTVA vault plus a sly reminder that Disney owns the rights to WOY.

Shared a list of potential episode titles for S3.

Made an actual LEGO Star Nomad based on the model made with LDD. Hopefully, those who worked on WOY have noticed. In case you missed it, here’s a picture...

Now, the ideas I have in mind for further boosting support for the campaign. I may not be able to do most of them myself, but they are certainly for everyone’s consideration.

Provide updated information of higher-ups (if any).

As soon as we find out what Kid Cosmic looks like, expect fan art of him saying, “Watch my show and tell your friends so we’ll make that Mousey Company pay for what they did to my half-brother!”

Another SaveWOY picnic - if there’s one in my general area, you can count me in.

LP album artwork of My Fair Hatey.

A mural identical to that of Super Smash Bros. Ultimate consisting of not just characters from WOY, but also characters who were said to debut in S3 and characters who’d fit in perfectly, namely some of my OCs.

Pumpkin stencils of the main characters for Halloween.

Drawings of various WOY characters stuck on the ex-secret planet explaining why they need to leave said planet. Maybe I could also show how the galaxy’s villains would react if they learn that Lord Dominator’s been bested by Lord Hater.

Drawings consisting of SaveWOY-related messages spoken by the main characters from Disney shows that got at least three seasons (e.g. DuckTales, Fish Hooks), tons of love from the viewers and the executives (e.g. Gravity Falls), or both (e.g. SvtFoE, Mickey Mouse ‘13).

Example with Phineas and Ferb:

Phineas: “We may be creative and famous, but we’re not the ones who came up with the Star Nomad. It’s the ship powered by orbbles! Orbbles! I’d LOVE to see it take flight, wouldn’t you? If you let Mr. McCracken end the show his way, and not the executive way, which, truth be told, is the absolute worst, Wander will surely be elated!”

Ferb: “The Orbble Transporter was invented by conjoined twin brothers, voiced by the performers of the theme song.”

Irving (peeking in from the side): “Speaking of voices, the titular main character sounds JUST LIKE ME! How could you possibly resist?! And look, just because I’m the biggest fan of these guys (gesturing to P&F) doesn’t mean I have no interest in what’s planned for the furry orange fella!”

Since I’m a full-time Disneyland cast member, I should be able to make contacts with anyone who might have more clues about what S3 would entail. It might be a long shot, but if I’m able to convince Disney that WOY’s influence on my life boosted my chance at gaining employment at the company, they should understand.

A weekly Jeopardy-type pop quiz on Twitter - here’s the catch: you must refrain from finding information online when you read the answer (I bet you that the most hardcore fans of the most popular shows will get most of the questions wrong).

Example: This arachnomorph got his name from a dog tag he swallowed when he infiltrated a fish-shaped ship. He later became Lord Hater’s beloved pet.

-Who is Captain Tim?

Summaries of S3 episodes I made up myself a while back.

More fan-made characters - my most recent is an elected official of Cluckon, Mayor Spye C. Drumstick.

Conjuring a logo that best fits the status of S3/TV movie - Wander Over Yonder: The New Galaxy (the center would have the silhouette of the Star Nomad with Wander and Sylvia on it).

Brainstorming possible ideas for the three new main characters.

If all else fails, I suggest we make a web comic based on the hints we accumulated back in 2016 and what we learned from the cameo in Future-Worm’s finale. Team Sea3on has been taking that approach for SatAM Sonic the Hedgehog S3, though they are also making an animated version.

That’s about all I’ve got so far. In closing, I have several questions to ask as the new decade kicks off.

Disney executives: Are you even listening to us WOY fans? What more do you want? I’ve done so much for the campaign that I feel I’m entitled to know everything that was planned for WOY’s third and final season, especially now that I’m working full-time for your company. If you tell us what your demands are, we’d be happy to oblige.

@crackmccraigen: Are you aware of how hard the fans and I have been trying to talk Disney into giving you the chance for true closure? We’ll make sure we watch KC when it comes out on Netflix. If we’re lucky, we might see WOY get added to Disney+, where it should get that closure, assuming you’ll have finished KC your way before then.

@suspendersofdisbelief: I know you’re super busy with DuckTales and you love the plans for WOY S3 so much that you can’t bear to reveal it all in one post, but it’s been waaaay too long since we got any hints from you. Are there any other WOY S3-related facts you could describe in much greater detail? The campaign could do with more motivation.

Non-WOY fans: Are you convinced? Need I remind you what’s in the end tag of the “last” episode of WOY? You know there’s much more to life than tales from the land of Ooo, a blue middle school cat boy in a world of unusual individuals, adolescent twins in an Oregon town filled with oddities, a half-gem half-human protagonist, a coming-of-age princess of Mewni, a trio of ursine trend-followers in San Francisco, and all that jazz. If you’re not one bit interested in Hater’s origin story and all that was planned for S3, it’s your loss.

Pessimists: Will you please dispense with this unnerving “Wander is dead” talk? As a certain Popeye would say, “That’s all I can stands, I can’t stands no more!” You’re not trying to let the Disney bosses win, are you? You probably used to think previously canceled shows like Hey Arnold!, Samurai Jack, and Young Justice could never be brought back. The point is, all is not lost.

@peepsqueak and WOY fans/SaveWOY supporters: Have I been of assistance? Almost every remark I’ve ever made shows wit and perception. I mean, just think. Wander is still stuck in that vault where his goal of reforming Lord Hater remains incomplete, and he has no idea of what threat awaits him. He says, “Glorn, help us.” It’ll take something big and extraordinary to convince every Disney fan (and perhaps every Netflix fan) to talk some sense into the higher-ups. Not to mention the replacement/back-up voice actors we’ll have to find if Disney takes even longer (we already lost one - René Auberjonois). We shan’t rest until we get the answers!

@disneyanimation

[amwritingmeta]

While I enjoyed reading your "Michael the Truth Bringer" meta, your diverging from canon was distracting and ultimately render a chuck of your analysis invalid. Not surprisingly with Destiel fans who have the habit of ignoring canon in favor of fanon. For example, it's Sam who longed for a home and family. In his own words, everytime he tried to set up a home, it gets destroyed or taken away. Dean is a born leader, not Sam, Sam had to learn to be a leader from Dean.

Hello, my dearling!!

I get the saltiness in this comment and I’ll take the Destiel-fan slur and turn it from a frown into an upside down cake, you know one of those you make in a frying pan and then you put it in the oven and then you turn it right way up and hopefully there’s a pretty pattern of fruit and it’s all syrupy and yummy? 

Here’s the pattern (I’ll try my darnedest) -->

Canon: the text before us, in this case the show as a whole

Fanon: everything outside of canon text (but rooted in canon text) introduced in fandom and beyond

My meta is not canon text. My meta, by definition, is adding to the fanon library of interpretation of the canon text. Any analysis that is introduced by anyone who is not the actual content creator diverges from canon text, but by that same token you telling me that I’m ignoring canon in favour of fanon makes no sense to me at all. 

Let me clarify, now that I’ve told you the difference between canon and fanon, that what I believe you’re trying to tell me is, in fact, that our way - yours and mine - of viewing canon diverges significantly in how we read Sam and Dean as characters.

Here come the syrup, yeah? Which is my reading of the canonical relationship dynamic of Sam and Dean. Making my reading part of fanon any way you twist and turn it, but it’s still rooted in my understanding of how they are presented to us in canon -->

Sam has always been the stronger brother. He’s always had an easy confidence about him because in many ways he’s felt at ease with who he is as a person. He knows his likes and his dislikes. He’s a bookworm and a nerd and he doesn’t mind those labels because, unlike Dean, people telling Sam who he is has never really affected him that much. Judgement from people on the outside, or even from Dean, has never beaten Sam down the way that type of judgement niggles on Dean’s sense of self. 

Sam left for college to hunt for a future, yes, but to my mind - as much as he truly loved Jess and might have built a life with her, absolutely - the reason he wasn’t allowed to, narratively speaking, is that it’s not where he ever really belonged, and he was lying to himself, because the real driving force for him leaving the hunter life behind was that he wasn’t ever allowed his own choices.

He broke free and reclaimed control over his own life when he left for college. That’s an incredibly powerful thing to do, to stand up to your father and brother like that, to know, in yourself, that whatever else is out there it has to be better and it has to be more than what you have now. Yeah? But that individuality came solely from his need to be rid of the overprotectiveness and being told what to do and how to think and behave.

In the pilot episode (where, of course, Sam is the protagonist because this was always meant to be his story, right?) Sam takes the lead in all things. He is a fantastic hunter. And, to me, one of the most significant truths we learn about Sam is that he is lying about his background to everyone around him. Most significant to me is that Jess - love of his life - doesn’t even really know who he truly is and what he can do. She doesn’t know about the realities of the world, the dangers. Sam is keeping all of that from her. Why? Because he just wants to be normal, right? 

But he is running from himself, from who he truly is, and this is why he’s not allowed that normal, apple-pie life. 

Who isn’t allowing it? The narrative. Sam goes on a journey that shakes up his understanding of himself. He wants to be normal? He’ll discover that he’s as far from normal as you can get, because he has demon blood in him and all that this entails. His idea of who he is and who he’s meant to be is uprooted completely in the first five seasons of the show, but his core traits never falter and they are what allow him to beat the devil, because he is - in his heart - good, and he has faith in that, however faltering that faith might be. He beats the devil and proves to himself, and to Dean, that he’s better than his past mistakes, however, the stint as soulless and all the horrors he committed I believe then serve to nullify the extraordinary feat of stopping the Apocalypse, once he’s back in himself, and his trust in himself never quite recovers.

Hence the dependency on Dean’s dependency on him. (I reiterate: my reading and feel absolutely free to disagree)

Ultimately, Sam’s long character journey, the way I see it, has all to do with how he has to face who he is, deep down inside, and accept the fact that he is a hunter, and much more than that he is a Man of Letters at heart, and he is his father’s son: a bookworm, and his mother’s son: an independent spirit and born leader figure, and only when he understands this can he secure the future that will actually make him happy and at peace. And that future is taking shape right now. *fingers crossed*

As for Dean teaching Sam how to be a leader: Sam has been looking up to Dean his whole life, yes. Dean has taken the lead in most things and Sam has followed Dean, until he didn’t want to anymore, until Dean’s propensity to take orders from their father without ever questioning him, his diehard idolisation of John and his inability to think for himself forced Sam to step away from him, leave him, to make his own way. 

Sam fights the idea of staying with Dean for most of S1, until it’s Sam’s influence that finally makes Dean stand up to John and side with Sam. This is where the codependency takes its first fluttering breaths. Because Sam has only ever wanted Dean’s approval (Dean is almost more a father figure to Sam than John ever was) and add to that the fact that Dean admits to Sam that he just wants Sam to come back so they can be a family again. Dean needs Sam. Sam can tell that Dean’s more or less lost without him. (Dean’s identity is so closely tied to Protecting Sammy) 

Dean’s reliance on Sam is then slowly morphed into an equal, though differently rooted, reliance in Sam, when Sam begins to make bad choice after bad choice for himself, hollowing out his trust in himself.

To my mind, all of TFW deal with a fear of powerlessness. And as much as Cas’ individual arc is a gorgeous parallel (in most ways) to Dean’s individual arc, there are many traces between Cas and Sam as well, though not as pronounced. Anyway, the canonical structure that these men operate within is gorgeous and wholly the basis of all of my analysis. 

Naturally, my dear, you are absolutely free to take your own view, but as I wanted to demonstrate, and hopefully now have, my reading is based entirely in the canon text, granted it is the canon text as I see it, which does not make a single word I put down actually canonically viable.

What I mean to say is that it’s always good to question everything, no matter what it is you’re reading. My meta is entirely based in my reading of the narrative as a whole, which means that my meta is entirely a reflection of my opinions, and naturally that doesn’t mean that I’ve aligned my opinion to match perfectly the original intent of the actual creator, because that would be nigh on impossible for anyone to do.

Make sense?

Thanks for the comment. I’m glad you enjoyed the 14x01 post until you felt it no longer kept in time with your opinions. It is the way it often goes with these things and I appreciate you giving me a chance to tell you my side. 

xx

[officialthiamlibrary]

Happy Friday!! We’re back at it again, with an exclusive profile of the one, the only @fandomtrashwhore​, aka Marie! You’ve seen her instagram aesthetics, from Hunger Games to Parent Thiam AU to New Years’ AU. And now, we had the opportunity to learn more about her creative process and her life well…behind the screens. Let’s get it started!

Marie! Why not start us off with a simple introduction. Who is fandomtrashwhore? Or the artist behind her? The twist: the word count should be equal or less than the # of letters of the characters in your favorite TW rarepair ship.

Theo Raeken + Mieczyslaw Stilinski = 29

My name is Marie, I’m 19 years old and from Germany. My life is dedicated to my fandoms but besides that I’m an apprentice as an technical product designer.

Ha, I see whatcha did there with ‘Mieczyslaw.’ Smart, very smart! A Technical Product Designer! What does that entail? Do you like it so far?

I don’t know if there’s a perfect translation for it and I’m bad at explaining (that’s why I’m not a writer and my answers in this interview are gonna be shit :’D). I like the 3D drawing part most and till now I’m quite good at it and even ‘job school’ is pretty good. I feel like Hermione cause I always know the answer and my grades are on point af (which definitely wasn’t like that in my previous schools. I never said anything in class).

Pst, who said you have to be a good writer to have a good time? Just do you haha. That’s what we’re all here for any. That’s super interesting though. What’s another thing our fandom would be surprised to know about you?

I have to confess that I didn’t really mind Theo or Liam before season 6? Like I knew they were there and I liked them but I was too focussed on other characters + I didn’t know they wanted to end Teen Wolf then and felt like they wanted to shove the main pack away to replace it with Liam and his gang. (Now I’m all over the puppy pack ).

AND I watched the whole show till 5B or season 6 (not so sure) in one go and that’s why it felt like Theo and Liam both joined around the same time. (Even if there was one whole season between them…wtf.) I remember that I sometimes couldn’t even tell who was Liam and who was Theo cause I thought that they ‘looked alike’…BITCH WHERE? This is more than embarrassing, but every time I watch a show in one go I have trouble learning the names (when the name is said in the show I usually know who they mean but if I talk about it to someone I sometimes can’t remember the names cause I watched 3 seasons within a week…. :’D ). I definitely need to rewatch and appreciate them more this time cause they’re such amazing characters.

*Actually Cackling* Were there any other characters you were hazy on? Like, would Garrett be the “angry, tiny blonde one” to you?

No it’s embarrassing af. :’D And I know who Garrett is and what he did and he was indeed an angry tiny blonde kid, but I don’t remember details. Sadly (I mean I think he only was there for a few episodes so I don’t think there was much detail so I’m good as long as I know his storyline). :’D

Truth. When I started watching Supernatural, until (at least) midseason 2, I called both Sam and Dean, DeanSam cause they were always together when someone addressed them. So, you’re not alone, eek. Now, THAT’S embarrassing.

So, how did you go from ‘kid, what’s your name?!’ to Thiam instagram aesthetics and our fandom? What drew you in?

I think I jumped on the train quite late (cause as I said I didn’t really mind them), but I think I shipped them before but just realized it last season. So, I think I first felt something for them during their fight in the hospital because I was ‘fun-shipping’ them (not really fun but I wasn’t deep into it cause I didn’t bother checking their ship name or anything but I was like ‘lol. They’re gay for each other) during 6B and then I completely lost it in episode 6 of that season and realized that it is a real thing and it’s love.

From that moment I was a mess and died the last few episodes cause I thought they either make it canon or kill Theo off (and maybe make it canon) but neither happened so….ok. :’D I’m sad that I only had like two weeks left with them but since then it’s been a wild ride and they brought me new internet friends ( a whole pack) and made me tumblr fame … it’s crazy how inspiring they are for edits. I just can’t stop. :’D

BUT how I found my way into the Teen Wolf fandom is a bit funnier I think…(at least for me) :’D

This has now become the moment where I ask, “Marie, can you tell us how you got into the Teen Wolf fandom? Lol”

Idk if it’s funny if you don’t know my friends and me personally. But I always had this little group to talk about series with. Mostly The Walking Dead and Game Of Thrones but sometimes other series. A friend of mine, Lucas, once mentioned that there’s a series called ‘teen wolf or something like that’ and that he knows that one character looks like one of our classmates (his name is Tobi). He was talking about Derek and even showed me a pic AND HE REALLY FUCKING LOOKS LIKE HIM (I mean in close up you know it’s not him but you know…).

He already had a beard really really soon (he looked like 20 when he was 15 or something because of it) BUT NOW he looks even more like Derek cause I met him again, like a year ago, in a club and he lost weight and is working out now and….he’s really a Derek look alike (I wish I could show you but privacy…).

After laughing about that I never heard about that series again till I watched the trailer on youtube, and I have no idea why, but it was around new years eve 2015 to 2016 cause I thought about starting it and told a friend of mine on new years eve and showed her the trailer and she also thought it was cool and we started it about a week after that and binge watched the shit out of it.

BUT I ALWAYS HAD THAT PICTURE OF MY CLASSMATE IN MIND WHEN I SAW DEREK. And I still call Derek Tobi when I talk to my best friend who doesn’t watch teen wolf about teen wolf and want to explain something to her.

Lol are you kidding me?! That’s hilarious! And, I’ll raise you. I have a friend Michael who is a spitting image of Scott–skin tone, jaw, hair and all. I wonder if your Tobi/Derek and my Michael/Scott met, would they have a Scott-Derek-esque relationship haha! Since we’ve veered towards Friends, let’s say you, 4 characters from TW, and 1 of you personal friend were living in a Friends-type sitcom. Who’d you bring into your inner circle and which antics would yall get up to?

Ok! This is exciting! So it would be Stiles, Theo, Mason, Liam and my best friend Michelle (she doesn’t watch teen wolf but the hell do I care). We would just be such a funny sassy pack. Do you know that ‘meme’: ‘My friendship comes in 3 levels: Sass, insults, inappropriate sexual humor’? That would be so us. Michelle and me are basically Stiles and that meme describes our friendship so well; we’re really soulmates so I want the whole pack to become that close too.. Theo is a sassy ass anyways and Mason is also on fire.

Liam would suffer under our jokes and always be the one who makes bad jokes only he laughs about and the rest just laughs about him, but we still love him. Michelle and me would ship the hell out of Theo and Liam (and Mason and Corey are goals af). Mason would be sceptical at first but together with Corey–I can’t have Mason without Corey…sorry?–we get him to join us.

Sometimes, Liam and Theo even go with it and flirt for fun just to piss Stiles off who somehow ended up stuck with us after Scott left for college and Stiles decided to quit the FBI and now works as a police officer at the station. Of course, Thiam gets real and no one really notice it at first cause we think it’s just another prank on Stiles until we catch them making out in my kitchen during a pack meeting. There are also a few other pranks since we’re the sassy pack. Stiles mostly uses his position as a police officer, like towing our cars or getting us a ticket. Theo’s pranks are a bit shocking at the beginning since he needs to learn how to be a decent human being. Liam and my pranks fail most of the time. Michelle and Mason are the prank master team; they always come up with the craziest ideas.

Yassss of course, Corey would be there. There’s always a significant other who’s there so often, they become part of the group lol. That sounds like my kind of party, all the chaos and sassy destruction. All the creativity, it’s the perfect segway to our next topic of the day: fandomtrashwhore, aka your creativity.

If your creativity was a person, what type would they be? What would they do? Wear? Listen to? Handle conflict?

I think it would just be a furious working single mother? Cause during the week I’m working and even if I have nothing to do after work I only seem to be able to edit at weekends and then I sacrifice my whole weekend to it like it’s my child. And furious cause once I have an idea in my head, I drown myself in pic finding which can be so exhausting and I bet I look like a stressed single mom during that cause I’m having so many tabs open and so many search phrases to throw at google in my head at the same time.

I also have specific pics in my head and I could cry if I don’t find a perfect pic to fit that image in my head. I mostly listen to the Airplanes playlist I made while editing but I also love artists like Ed Sheeran and Halsey so that would also fit quite well to keep that person calm and grounded. I also think my creative process is quite vulnerable and moody cause sometimes I can’t wait to edit and other times I feel like I never want to edit again and I need to force myself to (during editing I love it again tho). And vulnerable cause like I said I hate when I can’t find a decent pic and could cry. Same goes for if the app crashes during a long edit or if something won’t go how I want it and my patience dies.

Does that single mother furiously create outside of the Thiam fandom too?

Yes, I do social media au’s for all my fandoms (at least I want to, till now I only have a few.)  I’m not a writer but I have a started Sherlock fanfic with a trailer (I like the trailer tho and some one shots to several fandoms on wattpad. I’m ashamed of them cause I’m a bad writer but I can’t stop trying :’D So here’s my Wattpad. Don’t expect too much!!

I mentioned the trailer for my Sherlock before and right now I’m also working on a trailer ( more like ‘short movie’) for and OC (who ended up to be Marie Avgeropoulos) x Negan from The Walking Dead.Till now it’s 13 minutes long and I love the shit out of it. I never drew for a fandom before (german youtube back in the days, I had instagram fanpages. I still have them but I don’t edit for them anymore cause series took over my life. If you know german youtube and are interested contact me but they’re not that important for most of the people reading this, I think. ANYWAYS, what I wanted to say is that I want to draw something Thiam or rather Airplanes themed soon.

Oh AND I and my best friend (Michelle from before) used to write our fanfics (mostly about german youtubers) over whatsapp back in the days. It was legendary but also very unrealistic and hilarious. Sadly, we lost most of them when we got new phones which breaks my heart.

Dang, that’s tragic. Thankfully, you still have the memories. From trailers to Whatsapp/Wattpad fics, they’ve all led you to this moment: Instagram aesthetics. How’re you inspired when choosing a theme?

Most of the time I find a pic that inspires me to an edit theme. E.g., I saw the 3rd pic of The Buck’s party pic on Liam’s profile for the engagement & wedding edit coincidentally on tumblr or something and was like: “Yes, that could be Liam carried by Stiles and the boy on the right is Scott and the girl is Lydia and the pic was taken by Mason….why would something like this situation happen….A BUCK’S PARTY! I NEED TO DO A ENGAGEMENT AND WEDDING AU. Then, the other pictures and ideas just find their way.

I also accept requests (like the new year eve one) or I’m inspired by a post (like for example when I did the Thiam Mykonos one.

And when you search for photos, what’s your process for choosing the best ones?

Most of the time, the story of my au’s is formed by the pics I find. Like I have an idea and look for pics and then I see which pics make a logic story. Most of the time, I don’t know myself how I find so good pics and I bet I could never find them again (I tried once after I lost some), cause I found them so deep in the internet. Mostly, I google pretty weird sentences and I wonder what the NSA is thinking of me. :’D  For example, I googled “Throwing Tampons” for an Airplanes related edit once. I bet whoever observes me thinks I’m a killer when I look for aesthetics (especially when I did the The Walking Dead aesthetics) and googled for bloody pics. I nearly threw up a few times tho while doing so.

Finding pics is a harder job than you might think; I would say it takes more time than the editing itself, but I can’t say for sure cause once I start editing I’m lost in some sort of tunnel and suddenly it’s dark outside. When I want to google for ‘natural’ pics, I mostly add ‘snapchat’ or ‘instagram’ behind it (e.g. ‘couple eating take out food snapchat’). Also, you can find good pics on pinterest (my Pinterest name is ‘Marie Rosa’ btw), especially aesthetical and gay couple pics!

Deciding is even harder cause I often have 50 pics in my folder and can only use 12. Then, I check which one I definitely want to have in the edit and which I liked best and are the most decent ones to the images I had in mind.

When there are people on it, it’s also important that they look like the characters they should portrait. After that, I still have 20 pics left and cry because I love them all. Then I make two new folders to decide which ones are for Liam’s and which ones are for Theo’s profile and then I delete some more pics with a hurting heart (or I save them for other edits some day) and look which pics fit best together (when I edit aesthetics, similar color is a big topic). The biggest mess is when I get more ideas during editing or realize that one pic I thought I liked doesn’t fit at all and stop to look for more pics and the whole order I had is thrown away again and I need to start again. :’D

My goodness, I remember seeing you and Sammy (@glitter-cake20) talk about finding pics before on Discord, but that is…really involved. Are there times when you create your own images instead? If so, which edits/manips have been your favorite?

I would say the Hunger Games one was my best manip, but I also like the one in the Thiam parent AU  where I replaced Cody’s cat with a baby two times. And, nearly all manips I did for my Airplanes series, especially Disney Kiss (I just edited Dylan on Cody’s ex-girlfriend…lol…no regrets), the bowling pic, all the pack video calls in which I added some more heads and the ones of Derek and Stiles in NYC. I also love the one of Mason and Liam carrying watermelons in the Dirty Dancing AU and the whole Daredevil Thiam (+Morey) AU is also one of my favorites cause it’s so aesthetical. I mean in the end I nearly love them all cause I wouldn’t have posted them if not.

You’ve mentioned CaptainMintyFresh’s Airplanes a few times. What inspired the idea to make instagram posts for the guys’ journey? So far, which has been your favorite chapter to conceptualize? And why?

I don’t really know how it started but I was editing my other ones and Tagan kept mentioning certain pic scenarios. (I think it was around the waterpark chapter.) I was just like: ”She’s giving so many good patterns why don’t you try to make Insta profiles to the chapters.” It was one of my best decisions cause I loved it, even if it was a pain in the ass! I finally managed to catch up and since then I feel so empty…sounds strange but my past few months were spend with Thiam and Airplanes and suddenly, I’m free. I was looking forward to editing other things again and I did but on the other side, I feel lost and don’t even know what to edit or I’m not in the mood. I have an Airplanes hangover or something. :’D  

My favorite to conceptualize were probably the Disney chapters (it used to be the lake chapter but since editing Disney, I like that more) but every chapter was fun in it’s own way. (I’m planning on doing a commenting on the airplanes edits after Airplanes is finished).

I also think you can see how my skills improved while editing when you look at the first chapter edits and the last ones. That’s maybe the thing I’m most grateful about; it gave me the chance to experiment and grow along with the Fic and the characters.

Aww, that’s quite poetic. And, now we have Chapter  39 out, so you must feel the inkliest bit complete!

And, now I can feel the inkiest bit better about the next question to come.

CHALLENGE TIME! If you seen how BTS works, you know we love giving you the Time to Shine! For your first challenge, you can bring any of your insta posts to life in the TW Universe. Which would you choose? Set the scene for how that pic was taken.

I mean I would say the airplane series but it’s not my story so I’m gonna go with one of my single edits.

Then I would say the Parent AU cause I’m a bitch for parent Thiam. I’m gonna go with the pic of the crying baby with the title ‘Great. My son has my husband’s attitude’.

Liam sends Theo to the store with Leo after a discussion so he has some peace and can clean the house without interruptions. Leo won’t stop crying on top of his lungs in the middle of the store and Theo sighs while resting his forehead on the shopping cart (I hope that’s what it’s called).Then, he looks up again and gets his phone out to snap a picture and post it to show everyone that not only Liam is a whining little shit torturing him but now also his son. He laughs at himself for the joke which makes Leo stop crying and laugh with him instead. Theo takes that as an encouragement for his joke and carries him on his arm for the rest of the shopping trip, When they return home, he’s greeted by Liam who’s trying to look pissed but fails and just smirks at him and giving him a slight slap on the arm.

Hahahaha, yes! Dig it. And yes, it’s totally called a shopping cart (at least in my state). One final challenge before we wrap up? Since your images are always so unique to the theme, which pictures/ types of pictures would you use for these one word/phrase prompts:

Celebrity

Stuck at the Airport

Blind Date Gone Wild

Do you just want one pic or a collage of some good pics I would use? BUT I would love to do the whole edit. :’D

Heck yeah, we’d love a whole edit!!

FINALLY, done! Amen.

Wow!! I’m stunned. Over 80 pictures. 6 Days. 3 WHOLE POSTS!?! Plus Comment Posts! Honestly, how do you do it? Everyone, definitely go check these out; their linked with their respective challenges below!

[   Celebrity   |   Stuck at the Airport   |   Blind Date Gone Wild   ]

While we all marvel at that, can we expect any other Thiam instagram themes from you in the future?

Of course. I have an Thiam folder with 357 a folder for the upcoming Mockingjay AU with 37 and my airplanes folder with still 194 pics. Somehow and someday I’m gonna use them all. Planned is to finish the Hunger Games series, cause I still need to do Mockingjay and I also have so many good parenting pics left so there’s definitely going to be another parent Thiam AU and some random ones.

It depends on my mood and requests I get or if I’m suddenly inspired by a pic to edit a specific theme. I also want to make more of Thiam x other fandoms, like Maze Runner, Divergent and so on but I also want to edit for so many other fandoms and ships. Why is there so less time in my mortal life?

Who knows? If only time stopped during the Fandom spurts of our lives, then we could enjoy it as long as we wanted to. Aww, I’m sad to see us come to an end. Marie, what’s next for you?

Finish my apprenticeship in 2020 and have a job after that + moving out. The next thing I’m saving money on right now is my own car till august (I also want my first own TV and playstation and need a new laptop any maybe smartphone :’D). Other fix dates this year are german comic con in december or turning 20 on 27th June.

Of course, I’m gonna drown myself in more fandoms and editing (I mean I’ve already watched 7 new series in 2018).

Oooh, which new shows? (I know I said we were ending lol, but shows are my drug!)

I finally got myself netflix since streaming became officially illegal (it wasn’t actually legal or illegal before but they couldn’t do anything to you and it was safe) here last year and I used it to watch all the marvel netflix productions like Jessica Jones, Iron Fist, Daredevil, The Defenders, Luke Cage (which I haven’t finished cause Netflix won’t let me, every 30 seconds it crashes) and The Punisher. Jessica Jones and Daredevil are my favorites out of them. Then, I also watched How To Get Away With Murder….IT’S MY FUCKING NEW RELIGION! Coliver is giving me more than life. They’re goals.

(In case anyone is interested in what I’m watching and stuff here’s my TV TIME name: MarieRo)

OMG, Ok, Ok, let me end this before I start a rampage about all things Marvel. Thanks so much for hanging with us at the Thiam Lib and letting us get to know you! Is there anything else you’d like to add, including any life/creating wisdom?  Write until your heart’s content.

There are SO MANY intelligent things to say, but I’ll go with: Don’t give a shit about what other people think but always be open for other people’s opinions and teachings BUT don’t believe anything blindly. Just survive somehow tbh.

I have some other blogs on tumblr: @marierosaurus (random shit I like, sexual or funny af, just everything) @music-is-all-i-need-in-life (my music fandoms) @edsheeranfanblog (as you can maybe tell….a blog for Ed Sheeran?) @youtube-fan-live (blog for mostly german youtube)

(Instagram (about my traveling and just random private instagram shit): marierosarius)

I also want to thank you Minna for doing all this (bts is such a cool idea and keeping us inspired with the movie fest and stuff has to be so much work!) and especially for inviting me in the Thiam Discord pack chat 4 or 5 month ago. It’s been a wild ride and I maybe would’ve never known about that chat without you.

I love that chat and how we spend the christmas holidays together and thiam got so much more intense and it’s not even only about thiam anymore we also exchange about many other fandoms and we cried so many smut tears together (I mean that nsfw chat is on fire and I remember voice chat talks between in that christmas holidays we will burn in hell for and I love it :’D) and also fluff and angst tears but mostly smut tbh.

Just thanks for everything the Thiam community gave me, I said earlier that thiam gave me ‘tumblr fame’ and that sound stupid but it did, cause I edited before and nobody gave a single shit and reblogged or liked anything. Thiam was the best thing that could happen to me, even if I mostly edit for myself cause I like it and it’s fun, I can’t deny that it motivates you and makes you happy when other appreciate your work. Even not Teen Wolf or Thiam related posts / reblogs are noticed and it makes me so happy. Ok, sorry for bothering you with all my stupid talking. All I have left to say is: Meow

Awww, thanks so much for the love! Hahaha, our first Discord chat feels like so long ago now lol. And I also wouldn’t be here without my other Thiam Library Mods, esp Tiffany, Esme, Lizzie, Euthoxia, and Vis. They keep me inspired and grounded when life gets crazy. Just as you all, the Thiam Fandom, keep us inspired with your interactions and massive talent. We love you all!

With that, Behind the Screens presents Marie to you! If you want even more, you can read her questions that didn’t make it into the official interview here! Of course, the conversation doesn’t stop here. Not only can you chat with her on her 4 other blogs AND TV TIME, you can find her at these places too:

Main Tumblr: fandomtrashwhore

Inbox/Ask: fandomtrashwhore ask

Wattpad: Marierosarius

Instagram: marierosarius

Snapchat: marierosarius

Twitter: MarieRosarius

She’s also accepting prompts and the like, so hit her up!

We’d like to thank Marie for entertaining our many questions and challenges!! We have tons more BTS coming in the next few weeks, so stay on the look out for those <3

Have a Thiam Creator you fan over? Send us their names. Likewise, if you as the creator, would like to be a part of the Behind the Screens series, give us a shout too! We’d love to get to know you, as well.

[mittensmorgul]

I'm new to SPN and a friend turned me onto your wonderful blog. We were talking about the early seasons and imagining what characters whom we meet later on in the series were doing in their lives at the same timeframe before we meet them. For example, after John died and went to Hell, at what point do you think Heaven jumpstarted their paradise plan? Meaning parallel to what early season episodes do you think Castiel's garrison got the orders to rescue Dean from Hell instead of John?

Hi there! And WHEEE! Welcome! Glad to have you here! :)

I was almost positive I’d made a post at some point in the past laying out the timeline for all this sort of “pre-Canon” stuff, but I think I’m just conflating maybe 15 or 20 different posts I’ve made over the years into one giant lumpy mountain of how I understand the events leading up to the series, and have never actually typed it out this way specifically, so I’m gonna go ahead and give it a shot.

Sorry it took so long to get back to you, but this is gonna be An Undertaking, so here goes:

I think Heaven “jumpstarted their Paradise plan” LONG before John died and went to hell in 1.22. I mean… LOOOOOOONG before…

Granted, that’s all established through revelations made in later seasons, but it all works retroactively. I mean, even the revelations made up through s12 about Mary, revelations we got during the MoC era in s9 and s10, revelations about Chuck and Amara in s11… they all serve to stretch the root causes of the entire Apocalypse back to the beginnings of Creation.

I guess that’s taking it back a little too far for the purposes of your question, but it does serve as a barometer for just how vast the scope of these events really is in-universe. Let me try and scale it back to the Apocalypse itself, since that’s specifically what you’re asking about here.

We learn in the early seasons that the demons “have plans” for Sam. Vague, ominous plans.

We learn in s3 that they had plans for Dean, as well… sending him to Hell. Throughout s4 we learn bits and pieces of what the demons’ larger plans entail– that they intend to break Lucifer out of his cage. We also begin to learn that while many angels believe they’re working to STOP Lucifer from getting free, other angels WANT Lucifer to be freed (Uriel, Zachariah, et. al.). Then at the end of s4, oopsie, Sam accidentally breaks Lucifer out while believing he was doing the one thing that would PREVENT Lucifer from breaking out…

Enter the True Vessel storyline… because this is where we begin to understand just how far back the scheming of Heaven and Hell goes. GENERATIONS back from Sam, Dean, and John Winchester.

From 5.01:

Zachariah: What, you thought you could actually kill Lucifer? You simpering wad of insecurity and self-loathing? No. You’re just a human, Dean. And not much of one.Dean: What do you mean, I’m the sword?Zachariah: You’re Michael’s weapon. Or, rather, his… receptacle.Dean: I’m a vessel?Zachariah: You’re the vessel. Michael’s vessel.Dean: How? Why—why me?Zachariah: Because you’re chosen! It’s a great honor, Dean.Dean: Oh, yeah. Yeah, life as an angel condom. That’s real fun. I think I’ll pass, thanks.

From 5.03:

Lucifer: Sam. My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders, what you’ve done, what you still have to do. It is more than anyone could bear. If there was some other way… but there isn’t. I will never lie to you. I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me.|Sam: You’re wrong.Lucifer: I’m not. I think I know you better than you know yourself.Sam: Why me?Lucifer: Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you.

They’re both “chosen.” Which leads one to believe that no matter what Alistair told Dean in 4.16 about John having been tortured and never breaking in Hell– that DEAN breaking in Hell was what “broke the first seal”– was ALWAYS the plan, from long before John sold his soul for Dean. It makes John’s deal just one more push for Dean to make the same deal for Sam at the end of s2.

Sort of reminiscent of what Zachariah told Adam in 5.18:

ZACHARIAH: Hey, don’t get me wrong. You’ve been a hell of a sport, really. Good stuff. But the thing is, you’re not so much the “chosen one” as you are…a clammy scrap of bait.ADAM: No…but what about the stuff that you said? I’m supposed to fight the devil.ZACHARIAH: Mmm, not so much. Hey, if it’s any consolation, you happen to be the illegitimate half-brother of the guy we do care about. That’s not bad, is it?ADAM: So you lied…about everything.ZACHARIAH: We didn’t lie. We just avoided certain truths to manipulate you.

(and can I tell you HOW USEFUL this one simple exchange is on a meta level? how many times the show has used this exact device in order to fill in blanks and expand past canon? because they use it A LOT)

So in this metaphor, John is in Adam’s position here… he was the clammy scrap of bait, the object lesson and role model for Dean (i.e. the guy they do care about).

We also get a good bit of exposition on this from Gabriel in 5.08:

GABRIEL: You do not know my family. What you guys call the apocalypse, I used to call Sunday dinner. That’s why there’s no stopping this, because this isn’t about a war. It’s about two brothers that loved each other and betrayed each other. You’d think you’d be able to relate.SAM: What are you talking about?GABRIEL: You sorry sons of bitches. Why do you think you two are the vessels? Think about it. Michael, the big brother, loyal to an absent father, and Lucifer, the little brother, rebellious of Daddy’s plan. You were born to this, boys. It’s your destiny! It was always you! As it is in heaven, so it must be on earth. One brother has to kill the other.DEAN: What the hell are you saying?GABRIEL: Why do you think I’ve always taken such an interest in you? Because from the moment Dad flipped on the lights around here, we knew it was all gonna end with you. Always.

They always knew it was gonna end with Sam and Dean Winchester.

Hence what the cupid told them in 5.14:

Cupid: Oh, mostly they don’t. You know, certain bloodlines, certain destinies. Oh, like yours.Sam: What?Cupid: Yeah, the union of John and Mary Winchester–Very big deal upstairs, top priority arrangement. Mm.Dean: Are you saying that you fixed-up our parents?Cupid: Well, not me, but… Yeah. Well, it wasn’t easy, either. Ooh, they couldn’t stand each other at first. But when we were done with them–Perfect couple.Dean: Perfect?Cupid: Yeah.Dean: They’re dead!Cupid: I’m sorry, but… the orders were very clear. You and Sam needed to be born. Your parents were just, uh…meant to be. A match made in Heaven- Heaven!

Sam and Dean needed to be born, their parents needed to meet and fall in love. How many generations of their family had been set up by cupids in order to bring about this “destiny?” Because Michael gives some pretty chilling context on that one in 5.13:

DEAN: How’d you get in my dad, anyway?MICHAEL: I told him I could save his wife, and he said yes.DEAN: I guess they oversold me being your one and only vessel.MICHAEL: You’re my true vessel but not my only one.DEAN: What is that supposed to mean?MICHAEL: It’s a bloodline.DEAN: A bloodline?MICHAEL: Stretching back to Cain and Abel. It’s in your blood, your father’s blood, your family’s blood.

and after Michael and Dean debate about the nature of Destiny versus Free Will (guess which side of the argument Dean defends? And which side Michael inflexibly sticks to? Yeah… there’s reasons Dean will never say yes to him…):

MICHAEL: Think of a million random acts of chance that let John and Mary be born, to meet, to fall in love, to have the two of you. Think of the million random choices that you make, and yet how each and every one of them brings you closer to your destiny. Do you know why that is? Because it’s not random. It’s not chance. It’s a plan that is playing itself out perfectly. Free will’s an illusion, Dean. That’s why you’re going to say yes.

(reminder: Dean never said yes. Granted he almost did a few times, but Cas stopped him once and Sam stopped him the other time, so… that’s where free will conquered destiny)

(second reminder, this is also the episode that coined the phrase “Team Free Will,” which has recently become so important again toward the end of s12…)

So, yeah. In the context of the apocalypse, John had been a pawn in the machinations of Heaven and Hell, just as much as Mary had been. Just as much as Sam and Dean and Cas were… but it was all because they were all playing their roles in the “destiny” set out for them at the beginning of creation.

So, yeah… I think the plans were in place long before John made that deal in 1.22. The angels never had a plan to rescue John. He may have been adjacent to the guy they needed to Do The Thing, but he was definitely not the guy they needed to Do The Thing. Just like Adam serving as Michael’s vessel in 5.18 (BAIT!), and just like John having served as Michael’s vessel in 5.13 (LURE!).

I made a much shorter post recently *searches own blog for 20 minutes getting detoured down four blind alleys and a rabbit hole* that sort of touches on this as well that might be of interest to this discussion:

http://mittensmorgul.tumblr.com/post/162876917140/so-do-you-think-that-the-demons-didnt-really-plan

I hope this helps! And I also feel like this post serves as an object lesson in understanding how all “retcons” aren’t terrible. Some retcons improve past canon to vast degrees. Because technically ALL of this is one huge retcon. And it’s beautiful! :P

ETA: This doesn’t even touch on the stuff we learned in s8, specifically 8.12 about Henry Winchester, how he disappeared from John’s life when he was a child, how Abaddon had nearly derailed these plans for the Apocalypse by messing with the fate of the True Vessels… how the Winchesters AND Campbells were always Men of Letters or Hunters, how they’d all had this long history of dealing with the supernatural, how they’d jumped through time on multiple occasions to interfere with the supernatural… I swear it all makes sense in my head, how this all connects up into a vast timeline stretching from Chuck locking Amara away at the beginning of creation, the choices made by Michael and Lucifer dealing with the earliest humans– and the choices made by Cain and Abel that set their family irrevocably on this path… How generations of their family had been manipulated or coerced into “playing their roles” to bring them all up to that moment when Dean broke the first seal in hell and Sam broke the last seal on Lucifer’s cage, and how they were then able to take that destiny and rip up the ending with the help of a fallen angel and an old drunk. :’) that’s honestly why I keep watching this show.

[tekka-dan]

Me, me, me. I wanna know 17, 24, 36 aaaaand 110 pelase.

17. Name/author of the last book you read cover to cover. Do you recommend it?The book: Crash and BurnAuthor: Michael HassanI recommend this book for anyone struggling internally with how friendships manifest, maintain and fall apart. Although that isn't a huge theme of the story, I read this during a period of time in high school where all of my friends left my side. And I couldn't cope with them being going, but that isn't how this book caught my interest.For summarization: The story is centered around the main character whose name is Steven but he goes by Crash (his last name that his friend/foe gave him) who is dealing with his parents divorce. He meets this kid named David (burn) who attempted to literally burn down the school when they were in elementary, for some reason however Burn was willing to spare Crash's life and throughout the story you pick up little traits as to..why.Burn is a bully but more than anything he's misunderstood and insecure. Crash is the only person next to Crash's sister who sees Burn as a person, not a nuisance. Which is vital because even when Burn does some horrifically screwed shit, Crash is never phased. My favorite chapter that speaks volumes for me is when they are playing poker, and Crash was winning like crazy and Burn was getting pissed as hell. The game was taking place after the tragic event 9/11 in which Burn lost someone close to him and he had also just been dumped by someone. For some reason Crash's dad tells him to hang out with Burn for healing purposes, and while Crash doesn't really seem to mind Burn is pissed that he's forced to be around Crash and tries to be an asshole but when he once again realizes Crash isn't phased, he gives up and eventually stops trying to piss him off and just..relaxes. During the game, Crash isn't even trying to win. What's pissing Burn off is that everyone else has some kind of trait they do that basically gives away they have some good cards, however Burn can't read Crash's expression, he has a literal poker face. Crash realizing that Burn is beginning to lose his patience with losing, decides that he doesn't care to actually win. But then there's inner dialogue that really hit home for me. When he looked into Burn's eyes Crash saw all of the pain Burn was in. Years of turmoil, of ridicule, animosity and loneliness. In that one page of inner monologue of Crash taking that split second glimpse into Burn's eyes, he realized that winning this game meant everything to Burn. This wasn't even about his ego, this was something Crash realized in that very moment Burn needed. To win, for once to just win. So Crash folded his cards, automatic win going to Burn. As Burn celebrated, he asked to see Crash's cards to which Crash realized if Burn saw he folded with a royal flush then it would entirely ruin everything, Burn would know he gave up and it would make him feel inferior. So Crash pretended to get upset and he flipped the table over before Burn could reach for his cards and the chapter ended with Crash storming out (happily) to which Burn whispered to another guy "what a sore loser."To this day that chapter makes me want to cry. Because in that moment someone whose never been phased by this guy before realized just by looking at him that more than anything he just needed..to feel like he did something right for once. Crash and Burn is a very emotional read. I finished that book of 573 pages in four days. 24. Favorite Disney Princess?I do not think she is a traditional disney princess. I think for years now people have petitioned to include her in the line up, however she's overlooked. But low and behold--Anastasia. Not only was she attractive to me, she was quite literally plain perfect. Her demeanor was never uptight or snobby. Throughout the whole movie you don't get the vibe of "I'm royal and important" she spoke her mind, she expressed sorrow and she wasn't love struck over a boy (until the end but it was magical honestly) like Anastasia set the bar line for a princess not needing a man or to be royal. I have that movie on VHS and every year during the holidays I would sit in my moms room and rewatch it over and over for days, especially during christmas break. 36. Are you fluent in more than one language?Thanks to Manga, I am able to translate/understand Japanese. Speaking, that is another story because I don't know pronunciations very well. But I've studied manga for years, I read hard copies. I would consider myself fluent in being able to read it. I have a few more years before I am comfortable carrying on conversations, however haha.110. Favorite literary character?I don't know if I have just one favorite, I do love several. I would have to say my favorite of all of them though would have to be Karl from this book called Dying to Know You written by Aidan Chambers.I love Karl because he is merely a masterpiece.(There just isn't a way I can speak about either of my favorite books without delving into the story itself because they excite me so much)Summarization: Its about Karl wanting to impress a girl whose name I remember being uniquely strange, and to get her attention he meets her favorite author who Karl talks into writing letters for him so he can give them to the girl and say that he wrote them, reason being is because the girl was a literary genius and Karl was a dyslexic socially awkward kid. The story is unique because it actually is told in the narrative of the author that Karl soon befriends and we learn so much about Karl through such significant interactions. It's important to know we learn that Karl's mother is a struggling, emotional single parent. Karl being avoidant, he doesn't go to her with anything and the narrator learns that Karl harbors intense hatred towards his father leaving them. The distance he places between him and his mother is what entails her to become entirely over bearing to the point where Karl no longer associates with her by not opening up. The readers are made to believe Karl is internalizing his dissatisfaction of being rejected by his crush, but as the narrator hangs around Karl more we realize Karl is internally struggling with acceptance. Karl is also autistic. His mother knows he does "little things" to occupy his time but what she neglects in learning about him is that the "little things" he does is how he privately copes. Which basically he builds things, out of scrap metal. When Karl disappears during a part of the story and the narrator finds him, they have a significant conversation that almost has no dialogue, however the two become so inadvertently close that he's able to understand Karl on a deeper level. Karl's mother sees him on the surface, in pain and in denial. While the narrator sees in on inside, struggling and furious. The scene that makes me want to cry to this day is where Karl is building something in the basement of garage of the house and the narrator is there, by chance and when Karl tries to explain to his mother what..it is he's building, he sees something they do not. And it angers him to tears that what he considers a masterpiece, his mother cannot understand what it is or what he sees. This causes Karl to lash out and he loses it, he goes into a spiral of how he doesn't understand why the world has to be black and white and his mother explains that it's not human nature to see gray upon first appearance and Karl cannot understand this. He isn't a child and she isn't treating him as one but the narrator finally understands something critical..Karl's mother never tried to understand the pain Karl had and she never bothered to help with us coping mechanism. Instead of getting involved and asking him about his projects, she completely rejects them when she can't understand them, causing Karl to stay encased in this realm he's mentally created where he keeps people away on purpose. During the important scene of the two of them sharing no dialogue, Karl is repetitively stacking rocks near and ocean and he does this for a literal twenty eight hours until he finally says "It just hurts." but what made me want to cry was that the narrator knew this even without Karl having to say anything. The bond those two shared became so incredibly deep that it really makes me emotional to this day. I also read this during an emotional time period for myself, so this story was my saving grace.He's my favorite literary character (I know he isn't like popular..like many stories but I think he should be)Thanks lovely for the wonderful ask, I seriously enjoyed answering this.

[dustydreamsanddirtyscars]

A few posts ago, you said "should they - against my personal gut feeling - not cause a rift between the Winchesters and possibly 'try to break Dean’s mind' as Toni tried with Sam in the season premiere because they see him as a 'rogue one' that needs to be 'reformed'" Could you evaluate why you think the British Men of Letters are going to do that to Dean!?

Hello dear anon!

I think the season has been showing multiple times that the BritMoL don’t shy away from extreme methods in order to get what they want or to do what they think is right. Their entire hierarchy as an institution reminds very directly of Heaven and how Heaven is run and structured. There are the ones highest up - in Heaven those for example were God himself, Michael, Naomi, Metatron, Cas and now it seems Joshua - most of the time (aside from Cas) none of them interacted with people directly but had others do their “dirty work” so to say. For a long time even the show made a point about the fact that the orders Castiel for example received came from high up, but it seemed no one really knew who that was. Likewise the BritMoL cut the “Old Men” the entire time for why they are on the mission, but they remain a non-entity on the show. Then the BritMoL we have seen further give their orders and for their dirty work they tried to enlist hunters. In Heaven we know due to Castiel and Anna what happens to Angels who don’t obey, pose questions and not just go where they are told and do what they are told - they are tortured and brainwashed in hopes to re-programm them. Given all that it would not be surprising if the BritMoL had a similar way of takin care of those who step out of line.

And in fact we have seen that happen twice already. Toni disappeared and Mick only said as much as that she’d have to answer for what she did - which to me absolutely suggests a very tough hearing at the very least. And then there is of course the fact that Toni herself tortured Sam physically as well as mentally by “trying to destroy his mind” to get him to comply and give her what she wanted - and she also very decidely talked to Sam as if he was a rogue or rabid dog which falls in line with the whole rogue status of the BritMoL. Those are learnt behaviours and strategies and given how a trigger and torture happy we have seen Ketch it is not too surprising that these mechanisms are indeed options the BritMoL are fully okay to pursue if it helps them.

The second time we haven’t seen any torture, but 12x14 “The Raid” very directly implied that the hunter who worked with the Alpha!Vamp would be “dealt with” and that this isn’t “pleasant” for hunters who “go rogue”. I have made a few comparing gifsets on this scene and how it frames Mary and Sam on the side of the BritMoL vs. Dean and the hunter on the other. There is a clear alignment going on. If you look up the 12x14gif tag on my blog you should find those gifsets + meta.

So all that combined with the fact that Dean will never trust the BritMoL and will likely not simply “do as told” should cause issues and tension with the BritMoL because they aren’t interested in people using their own mind - which is why Dean is a problem for them. Not only has he always been the ultimate symbol for free will, he also may jeopardize their plans by putting common sense mercy and understanding - very human values - before simply killing someone, just because one fits the category of monster because he/she happens to be a vamp, etc. Dean will not back down, he won’t be easily swayed, he has morals he fights for and someone like that of course is much harder to control.

So the only way for them to minimize the “danger” Dean may mean to them is to “break his mind”, his free will and try to assert control over him and that may very likely entail physical and mental torture.