#I WILL ALSO!! make more!! of my other minecrafters!!! i just underestimated how much thought i would be putting into making helsmets sdlkfj

[yayforocs]

👉👈 so @silverskye13 i saw this and..............

had to make an aron helsmet!!!!!! this was really hecking fun to think about actually like what she'd be like n design (which. is a poke at the rp server she was from actually) and also made me sit down and think more on my other minecraft ocs i have sittin around and why they ended up getting redesigns lkdsfh BUT YEAH i!!!!!!!! aron!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lairofmusic]

I wholeheartedly blame (good blaming) @sweetest-honeybee & @ectoslab , ‘cause looking through their awesome Helsmit stuff inspired me to make a Hels (Evil version) of my own Minecraft OC/Sona, Keiden Silex.

It’s really not the first time I’ve made an ‘evil version’ of an OC (my friends in the Mystery Skulls Animated RP fandom know what I’m talking about), so this is right up my alley xD

Please do not use, edit, copy, trace or repost my artwork!

Zeildeon & Art © Keiden (@lairofmusic​/TheJinxedAngel)

Minecraft © Mojang Studios/Microsoft

More info on Zeildeon is under the Read More.

His full name is just Zeildeon (pronounced Zeel-dee-on). Can be shortened to Zeil or Deon, but you need Zeildeon’s explicit permission to call him by those.

He stands at 5′5″, but wears boots with a hidden 3-inch heel to make him 5′8″ instead. He dislikes how short he is, but he does use it to his advantage as others tend to underestimate him, since despite his height, he easily makes up for it with incredible strength, endurance and agility; traits he shares with his counterpart, Keiden. That doesn’t mean he’s a brilliant fighter though. Truthfully, he’d prefer to avoid fighting as much as possible, but at least he can defend himself if he has to.

Those who know of Keiden’s backstory know he was saved from death by his God of Chaos and Destruction lover, Zalkeor, before he was killed by a cursed arrow. In saving Keiden in that moment, and performing magic he’d thought impossible, Zalkeor had unknowingly imbued Keiden with a ‘small’ portion of chaos magic (’small’ compared to the near limitless power Zalkeor had as a God).

When Keiden died, it was the flaming arrow itself that killed him, but then the curse placed on the arrow got him stuck in a limbo-like state where the curse began leeching and erasing his very life essence/soul. Before he managed to gather enough strength to pull the arrow out, a small portion of his essence/soul had been leeched. However, instead of being erased as intended, the chaos magic imbued in Keiden had glitched the curse.

This is where Zeildeon comes in. A portion of the chaos magic imbued in Keiden coalesced with the leeched portion of soul to spawn a Hels version of Keiden, instead of being erased entirely.

Some of the magic from the cursed arrow was also mixed in when the chaos magic and soul portion coalesced, which caused Zeil to spawn with an interesting ability.

If he comes into skin contact with anything magical, his body leeches/absorbs the magic. What happens to the leeched magic, Zeil hasn’t a clue. All he gets is a small, temporary energy boost whenever it happens (vaguely feels like electricity flowing through his body when it happens), and nothing else. He also can’t control it, at all, nor does he ever wear gloves to prevent it from happening.

How it works is that anything/anyone imbued with magic (enchanted tools, weapons, armor, books, potion effects, etc.) have the magic immediately and completely leeched (thus Zeil is forced to only use plain tools/armor). So, he’s sort of a living grindstone, in a way. However, anything/anyone that’s inherently magical (like enchanting tables) works a bit differently; the magic is still leeched, but not entirely, only enough to temporarily weaken the magic, then over time the magic returns to full strength.

This ability does extend to potions as well, since they grant magical effects when drunk. This does mean Zeil is immune to all potions, which is both a blessing and curse. His sense of taste with them is rather scuffed as well. Potions with negative effects taste good (for example, potions of Harming taste like Sweet berries to him), whereas positive effect potions make him horribly nauseous (even just fumes from these potions make him gag badly). Potion makers and users hate him.

Because of this, Zeil takes great amusement and joy out of drinking negative effect potions in front of people who don’t know/realise he’s immune to them. Their reactions please him to no end.

Zeil didn’t initially spawn with wings. Those abruptly sprouted during an incident where he fell off an especially high ledge, the wings obviously coming in clutch to help him haphazardly, but safely, land (though he did go through a PTSD breakdown once he landed). Afterward, he found he couldn’t get rid of them, so they’ve been a permanent part of him from that day forward. He did eventually learn he could change how big they are, which does make living with them a bit easier.

He refuses to join any Kingdom/District, instead living as a hermit on his own, much like how his counterpart used to live. To make a living, Zeil takes mining jobs, mining for others when they don’t want to do it themselves, and any extra materials he gets from mining he uses in forging armor, tools and weapons. Keiden is a self-taught black(/tool/weapon)smith, and those skills transferred over to Zeildeon as well. ‘Course, everything he makes are plain items since he can’t enchant them himself. He has a partnership with a shop owner that sells such items; they give Zeil a space to display his items for sale and the shop sells them for him, with the shop owner getting a 40% cut of the profits as payment for letting Zeil display his stuff. Since Zeil makes damn sure everything he makes is good quality, he makes a decent living off it for the amount of work he puts into it all.

[tarosin]

The great adventures of y/n, Tommy, Jack and Tubbo

Requested:yes/no

Pairing: Platonic jack/tommy/tubbo/reader

Summary: another day another adventure

Content warning: cursing / I didn't proof read

An: reader has bright unnatural hair I wrote a lot, I can't figure out how to add read more on mobile I'm sorry

The music you were currently listening to was interrupted by the discord group notifying you that you have a new message.

Tommy: Y/N HOW BUSY ARE YOU TUBBO HAS COME TO VISIT AND JACK IS HERE

y/n: I mean I've currently got hair dye on but it’s being washed off and dried in around 20 minutes, why?

y/n: WAIT TUBBO?!?!

tubbo: oh yeah I forgot to tell you

y/n: how did you forget you know what nevermind, I’m glad you’re here :]

jack: we should be here in an hour so you have plenty of time to get ready

tubbo: what colour dye y/n

y/n: you’ll see soon enough as apparently, you’re all showing up at my house

Tommy: I suggest you wear comfortable shoes

y/n: I am terrified

Tommy: you have nothing to fear... for now

•••

luckily it had only taken you just over 40 minutes to get ready giving you roughly 20 minutes to prepare for the adventure ahead. or so you thought, as soon as you sat down ready to check your phone the sound of Tommy and tubbo laughing could be heard from your room, jack sent a message “hey we got here extremely early I’m sorry there’s no rush the others have been distracted by dreams music :)”

grabbing a backpack from next to your bed you had quickly chucked your phone and purse into the bag unsure as to what you’re going to need today.

•••

as soon as you opened the door you were met with an ecstatic tubbo who instantly pulled you into a hug unable to contain their excitement of seeing their friend

“I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU IN AGES YOUVE CHANGED SO MUCH LOOK AT YOUR HAIR”

“I look exactly the same”

“Now I’m no genius y/n but last time we spoke you didn’t have unnatural hair”

you paused for a moment as tubbo had a point the last time you and tubbo were on face time your hair was classed as a natural colour however today as a fuck you to your school which didn’t allow unnatural hair you decided to dye it your favourite colour.

“you raise a fair point now if you don’t mind releasing me from your grasp I have to lock the door so no one gets in”

•••

“Tommy unlock the door let tubbo and y/n in”

“Y/N YOU'RE HERE- HOLY SHIT YOUR HAIR! JACK ARE YOU SEEING THIS”

“Hello to you too Tommy”

“well if we weren’t going to get noticed at the shopping centre earlier y/ns bright fucking hair will definitely cause people to notice us”

“oh I’m sorry I didn’t expect to be going shopping with a bunch of Minecraft streamers today”

“don’t you stream Minecraft?”

“This isn’t about me jack”

the trip to the shops was surprisingly relaxing y/n sat at the front listening to jack sing along to songs playing on the radio, however, it was clear the boys had something they weren’t telling y/n which became evident through Tommy and tubbo bickering in the back of the car about who was going to tell them. it was a relatively short journey due to the fact you lived close to the city centre

•••

“let’s go shopping boys” Tommy practically yelled to everyone, tubbo held his phone in your direction then looked towards you, nodding at him you grabbed his phone and began recording

“I'm vlogging”

Tommy walked over “YEAHHHHH”

walking past cex you had to put up with Tommy making sex jokes until you made it to game, you stood holding back your laugh as you filmed Tommy and tubbo fighting about who’s paying whilst jack went off to buy a Minecraft squishy and mug despite everyone’s arguments against it. soon enough fans came over asking for photos with you all once the group of fans left jack took over recording for tubbo whilst you went off to quickly buy some games that you could play on stream.

•••

“want a wig bro? jack!”

the four of you walked into the shop, you couldn’t help but stand in awe looking at all the bright colours already questioning what colour to dye your hair next the sound of Tommy and jack being amazed pulled you out of your thoughts

“Gogy goggles, I’m actually buying them”

“i wan’t a pair”

“no, you’re getting a wig jack”

“I don’t want a wig I want George”

“y/n has bright hair and they’re not complaining”

“what do you have against people with colourful hair jack hmm?”

•••

“I'm not happy”

“you look lovely jack”

“we’re getting so many looks”

tubbo stopped everyone to ‘fix’ jacks wig which resulted in everyone laughing once you had finally stopped laughing you noticed tubbo had walked off and you were convinced jack had randomly decided to record strangers until you saw tubbo going up and down escalators

“oh there he goes again”

“pov you’re thinking about bees”

“where to next boys?”

Tommy pointed towards the lift

“Is this a lift for us”

Tommy noticed the safety sign and automatically made comments about it

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if I wasn’t carrying a knife”

“oh same Tommy”

“look you can see me”

taking that as an invitation to join the vlog you stood behind tubbo and pointed at the sign again and looked at Tommy and jack

“keeping us all safe is what I would say if we weren’t about to do this-“

the three of you went to jump up and down

“NO”

the four of you quietly left the lift however you were convinced that the public heard Tommy comment on having a knife and you threatening to jump as once the lift opened everyone was staring at you but it could also be due to the fact you had brightly coloured hair and somehow convinced jack to keep the wig on, you all spent a long time trying to convince Tommy to get a new outfit, eventually you went into another shop a certain keyboard caught your eye

“I’ve found my home, ill stay here at the gamer bunker”

you decided now was the perfect time to sneak off to buy the keyboard that had caught your eye, once tubbo noticed it was too late you stood holding the bag with your purchase leaving you stood in the middle of the shop defending your purchase to him claiming that it was a business expense and not just because you thought it looked cool.

“you told me you wanted to save your money”

“it lights up tubbo and it fits the vibe of my room”

Tommy placed his arm on your head treating you as an armrest as you were shorter than him and he knew it annoyed you

“they have a point tubbo it lights up”

once the recording ended you made your way back to the car

“say y/n you wouldn’t mind if me Tommy and jack stayed the night as tomorrow we were thinking-“

“sure thing”

“YESSSSSS”

•••

the next day you were woken up at 9 am by Tommy stood at the foot of your bed

“hi y/n”

“WHAT THE FUCK- oh hi Tommy Jesus christ do you know how horrifying that was to wake up to”

“Sorry bout that but if I didn’t wake you up now you’d only wake up in the afternoon and we need to go soon I’ll leave you to get ready”

you noticed a note was next to a jumper on the floor ‘hi, thanks for letting us stay the night I really liked your hoodie so I decided to wear it today here’s mine in exchange- Tubbo :D’

normally you’d be concerned that someone stole your hoodie as you live with your parents however today was an exception once you were all ready you set off jack pulled into a McDonald's drive-through so you could all get breakfast

“nice hoodie y/n”

“Thanks, someone took mine and decided to make a trade”

“you’re welcome”

the journey was quiet again you sat next to tubbo in the back Tommy sat at the front screaming at jack and trying to distract him and people around you decided to took a picture with tubbo who now had his arm wrapped around you as it was rather cold in the car and posted it to Twitter ‘@ ranboosaysstuff wish you were here :D’ less than a minute later you received 2 notifications ‘ranboosaysstuff replied to your tweet: same’ ‘ ranboosaysstuff has tweeted: *the spongebob gif*’

•••

soon enough you all arrived at mint golf to say you we’re excited would be an understatement

“can I get the shortest club you have”

you stood hiding your face in the jumper tubbo left you whilst you laughed a few minutes later you received a call from ranboo the others said they’d sort everything for you whilst you answered

“what’s up tall one”

“stay safe okay”

“ranboo it’s mini-golf I’m not fighting criminals”

“yes but I know how clumsy you are”

“first of all rude second of all fuck you third of all jealousy isn’t a good look on you” you managed to say through laughter

“jokes aside please come to the UK boo”

“oh sure I’ll go book a plane ticket now” *ranboo ended the call*

ranboo made jokes like that before however this time sounded a lot more serious and you had no idea why he called you so you made a mental note to call him again later. once with friends again you were met with Tommy telling the worker all about you all

“yeah we’re big on the influencing”

“What on earth did I walk in on”

“no time to explain let’s go golf”

you were handed a club and a ball and were dragged away by jack

•••

tubbo joked about getting a hole on one as soon as it was his go, you bet £10 with jack he wouldn't

“hand over the money y/n”

you looked at Tommy who was now recording you handing jack the money “so today we have learnt to not underestimate your friends and that gambling is bad. you lose your money to a tall bald guy”

to put it politely you and Tommy found out that mini golf is not your calling in life

“ill stick to streaming“

“you’re both losing by the way”

“yeah well- why and how does tubbo have soup”

tubbo stood cradling the soup as though it was a child

“Some things I can’t explain to you”

you stood tilting your head to the side questioning where the hell he got soup from

“eh”

“soups like a small child I take care of it as if it was my own”

you couldn’t contain your laughter at this point the confused faces of your friends alongside tubbos happiness of soup sent you over the edge so you decided to just sit down before you fall as your knees were already weak from laughing too much

“where did you get the soup from”

“I manifested it”

•••

after a few solid minutes of arguing over soup you and Tommy dropping the phone you all continued with bowling.

“tubbo get out of the way of my dream ball”

you stood recording jack cheering him on tubbo had different plans and kicked the ball away resulting in jack giving up and copying what you had been doing most of the rounds, after missing the hole 3 times each go, picking up the ball and placing it in the hole however again he missed

“you can’t be serious”

“golf isn’t for everyone big man”

Tommy took the phone from you to record “pov you’re me golfing”

•••

“how do we get across there”

“probably the bridge”

Tommy pulled to rope moving the bridge across the gap

“Why thank you, Tommy, wouldn’t have been able to do it without you”

you laughed

“you're extremely welcome y/n it was extremely easy because I’m a big muscly man”

golf was finally going well till you hit the ball a bit too hard causing it to go over the fence tubbo was able to get the ball back

“I’ve been watching a lot of doctor shows” you stood amazed at how far you made the ball go

“see the issue is its mini golf. if this was regular golf I'd have got a hole in one I'm telling you”

•••

“I'm never being in your vlog again”

jack looked at you and tubbo who was now laughing at you pretending to worship the can of soup in the hole

“Tommy please come back”

the rest of the game was chaos, you kept missing the hole then claiming to rage quit golf tubbo and Tommy kept making jokes jack left his drink somewhere then had to go back and find it, no one had been paying attention to you which allowed you to take the score sheet and make it so you had won the game eventually he game was over you had declared yourself the champion of golf despite the fact everyone was better than you including Tommy

•••

the journey back was chaos you called ranboo who claimed he only called you to plan a video/stream with you however it was clear that wasn’t the reason tubbo whispered to you so no one could hear

“I think he wants to be here with us I think he’s jealous”

you laughed and nodded

“of course”

eventually, you all made it back to yours, ranboo said goodbye to everyone then ended the call now it was time for you to say your goodbyes. since your love language was physical touch you hugged everyone. As you walked into your house Tommy yelled “Y/N HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT PLANES”

[seyenna]

Philza and/or Techno and/or Ranboo fic recs

just some of my fav dsmp fics, mainly phil, techno or ranboo bc i’m biased but also a bunch of sbi and others

this one goes out mainly to zablr discord my beloved

pls tell me if the links don’t work

all of these are on ao3

rating\status(complete/ongoing)\warnings\word count\misc tags

ichor flows free amongst the iron by summer_rising

T\o\violence\13k\series\gods AU

Summary:

A gods and goddesses AU of the Dream SMP, dramatized for all our benefits.

First work:

  "Two gods meeting on a mountaintop overlooking the stormy sea? Very classy, Dream, I appreciate your taste."

  Dream didn't turn to look at him, but the faint shake of his shoulders let Techno know he had heard.

  "Scar's healing up nicely, I see," Techno mumbled with a light nod of his head.

  "Mhm. Cut nice and clean. Not that I expected any less from you, of course."

   ~~

   The god of power and the god of luck meet on a mountaintop to discuss Luck's standing in the ongoing political disaster.

We're Only Young by ImperialKatwala

G\o\-\66k\series\Dream & Technoblade

It's easy to forget amid the chaos and bloodshed how similar - and how young - Dream and Technoblade really are.

And when the sun comes up, you'll find a brand new god. by SkyboxZoo

M\o\violence\19k\gods AU

Summary:

The wounds from the fight had healed nigh instantly, but the golden blood still soaked Techno’s shirt. His cloak had gotten torn off and his hair had fallen out of its pony-tail. Ichor pooled in his boots. The man left a trail of golden, bloody footprints in his wake.

old gods (new gods) by WriterWinged

T\o\-\9k\series\gods AU

Summary of first work:

Survival, Blood, Madness. Philza, Technoblade, Wilbur Soot. Three gods who have never cared for mortal life, who play with them when they want to, who kill their toys just as easily. How, then, did a mortal end up in their hands?

This House Is A Fucking Nightmare by SilverWing15

T\c\-\17k\series\sbi

Summary:

AU Where Phil isn't quite as willing to stand by while his sons drop like flies

Summary of third part (my fav):

Does lingering too long in the shadow of a god make you a god? The voices in his head seem to think so.

His brothers know he's older than them but they don't know how much

OR: Technoblade doesn't think his brothers realize how different they are from ordinary men. After all, ordinary men may fight the gods, but they don't win.

It's been a long day. by BecausePlot

G\c\-\3k\Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

Sides are bad: he knows that much. He’s seen it tear people apart time and time again, so when he decided to separate himself from Tubbo and keep his distance, he knew he was in the right.

Well. He thought he was in the right, at the time. Sitting all by himself on the steps to the Prime Path, he’s not so sure anymore.

Yes, the sides might have torn the others apart, might have made them so weak that they have no choice but to fold under Dream’s hand, but at least they aren’t lonely.

So are sides bad?

‘I don’t know.’

~*~

Or, Ranboo looks out at the ruins of L'Manburg, feeling more lost and lonely than he ever has.

But, as he soon finds, he's not as alone as he thinks.

the voices in my head, they say a lot of things by rosyasteria

-\c\violence\1k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

Some days the voices didn’t listen. They didn’t let up. They screamed instead of whispered, relentless, assaulting his ears until they bled.

tell them i was the warmest place you knew and you turned me cold by rosyasteria

-\c\-\2k\Techonblade-centric

Summary:        

Technoblade cared. But in the end it just fucked him over.

For the majority of his life, Techno felt like less of a companion, less of a family member, and more like a weapon to be wielded. 'The Blade' they called him; never 'friend'.

It Leaves Little Time for Anything Else by mirandible

M\c\-\1k\part of series\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

   A young man aims for the top, but fate has other plans for him. So does Technoblade, apparently.

   (Or: answering the question of “Why does Techno hide his scars if they’re supposed to be some sort of trophy? Why keep your point of pride a secret?”)

the best requiem is a bar of silence (and I'll sing it, even if I must hold back my tears) by jello12451

T\o\-\10k\Philza & Technoblade

Summary:

   He can’t help the noise of celebration that escapes him. Techno- this means that Techno’s free, and he got his horse back, and everything is alright-

  Tubbo, filled with rage at Phil’s cheers, turns and impulsively shoots an arrow.

   He doesn’t expect to hit his target.

---

  Alternatively: What if Phil didn't have a bucket of water when Tubbo shot him?

Change fate by being aggressively kind by sircantus

T\o\-\13k\sbi, Philza-centric

Summary:

   “You do understand that you’re caring for the thing meant to bring destruction and chaos to our world, right?” The woman asks, Phil looking behind him fondly as Techno grabs at the ends of his wings.

   “He’s just a child.” Phil answers distractedly, humming as his wings get gently yanked at.

   “He’s the first of three to destroy life as we know it! Shouldn’t we, well, get rid of him?!”

   “Oh, no.” Phil raises his eyes with a sharp glare. “Believe me, I have my own way of preventing the apocalypse.”

   ---

   Or, Techno, Wilbur, and Tommy are basically chaotic forces of nature, destined from birth to end the world and bring destruction. Most who hear of the tale of them are trying their best to track them down, and to end the monsters while they’re still young, still just children.

   Phil has a different plan.

   (In which Phil raises the minecraft equivalents of the anti-christ with love and support, so much so to the point where the world ending is really just a funny thought, and Phil has three kids who casually have powers that are bit more extreme than anything else in the world)

I promised you that everything would be fine by findingkairos

G\c\-\6k\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   manifestation: (n.)

1.     an event, action, or object that clearly shows or embodies something abstract or theoretical;

2.     a version or incarnation of something or someone;

3.     an appearance of a ghost or spirit;

4.     the Blood God.

When he's young and still alone, still establishing his reputation as the immortal warrior, Technoblade makes up an imaginary friend.

Years later, the blood god is very real and very much a god: one that is prepared to do anything for their first and only friend.

the inner mechanism of a black box by Bee_4

T\c\violence, self-harm\Technoblade-centric

Summary:

   Technoblade lets himself get imprisoned for Philza’s sake. He doesn’t plan on being there long. Unfortunately, he’s underestimated Pandora’s Vault.

   There are things that will make even the Blade fall apart in due time, as it turns out.

carry all my sins by BananasofThorns

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo-centric

Summary:

Ranboo swallows. “All my armor and weapons and stuff are missing. Fundy and I were gonna go looking for them after the festival, I think.”

“I see.” Tubbo smiles again, but this time it doesn’t reach his eyes. “Well, I’m sure it’ll be fine, it’s just a festival. We could probably find someone to lend you a sword or an axe or something.”

He starts towards the stage, waving at people when they call his name, and Ranboo follows. The original panic has dulled to a cold buzz in his chest, but apprehension still wraps itself around his body like chains. He doesn’t like being without his armor and tools; he feels too exposed, and if something happens, he’ll be helpless.

“Ranboo?” Tubbo calls, glancing back.

Ranboo shakes his head and hurries to catch up. “Yeah, it’ll be fine,” he repeats. “Everything’s gonna be fine."

Tubbo grins. “That’s the spirit.”

Rule 5: be loyal. L'manberg doesn't do well with supposed traitors. Ranboo deals with the consequences.

Sojourn by Lacy_Star

T\o\-\13k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

“Well…” Ranboo started slowly, “You see, uh… I kinda… don’t have a house anymore, obviously. Um… Phil found me in—“ He paused, cutting himself off and squinting at the floorboards— very discreet, “Phil… found me. And… um… He said I could stay by you guys. Like, um, by the dog house he wants to build?” He paused, then began to ramble, “But, uh, if you don’t want me here, I understand— and I’m sorry for coming in your house when you weren’t here, I swear I didn’t touch anything— it was just cold outside and—“

Techno just stared at him. And how, how was this the second time this had happened to him? How was this the second time he returned home after battle to discover an injured teenage boy waiting for him, seeking assistance with nowhere to go? And how badly had that ended last time, in nothing but betrayal and insults?

---

AKA: Phil drags a half-enderman home after Doomsday, and Techno decides that they can keep it. For now.

can an axe count as rent? by aboutfivebees

T\c\-\4k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

Ranboo’s struggling to settle into his new life on the Arctic Anarchist Commune, but at least he’s got bread.

or the struggles of an enderman hybrid to come up with a housewarming gift to give to his friends, who are just trying to adopt him

The Caged Bird Sings of Freedom by StarPrince_Punk

T\o\-\25k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

The Blade's stance was still tense, his body prepared to fight at a moment’s notice if need be. “What’s your name?” Phil asked “My… name?” The Blade asked. “Yeah. Your name isn’t actually The Blade, right? That’s like a stage name?” Phil tried to keep his tone light. “What’s your real name?” The Blade hesitated. “No one… No one’s called me by my name in a long time.” ------- When Phil comes across Ranboo in his panic room after L'Manberg's destruction, it reminds him of when he first met Technoblade. And just like when he met Techno, Phil's first instinct is that he has to help this kid. While living together, Techno and Ranboo learn that they're much more similar than they had previously thought, and Phil learns that it's not too late for him to be a better dad.

This already feels like more of a home by H3118ENDER

T\o\violence, death\18k\Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

As the ashes of L'Manberg settle the conflict continues to come to life setting the stage for a new wave of blood shed. Stuck slam in the middle of past and present friends Ranboo is coming to learn that even without nations to their names feelings and feuds don't die but people, people do.

A Shadow of a Shadow by unappetizingegg

T\c\-\4k\ Ranboo & Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

There were a few beats of silence, and then- “What are your plans, now? Do you need a place to stay?”

That caught him off guard. Surely he’d heard incorrectly. Phil was offering him a home, right after he’d orchestrated the destruction of his past one? It didn’t make any sense, none of it did. Why would Phil say that?

Then he remembered, he remembered Techno stopping him in the fight. He remembered being handed his book, the question in Techno’s gaze. He swore, in that moment, Technoblade, the Technoblade, had been worried about him. He remembered that he had been told to leave, to run, to get away and preserve himself. He had spared him, he remembered that Techno had spared him.

Techno had helped him. Phil had tried to protect him, to get him away from the danger.

They were there for him.

 ---

alternatively:

Ranboo is alone. But he really isn't.

Meritocracy by oddsbodkins

G\o\-\18k\Dream & Technoblade, sbi, medieval AU

Summary:

Dream is more successful than he'd ever imagined - but there's one thing that's been bothering him. Technoblade, his biggest rival, the Acolyte of the Blood God and King of the Arena, went missing last spring, just before Dream got the chance to duel him. Without that one achievement to pave his way, all the following victories have felt cheap.

So, Dream hired some goons to dig Technoblade up and pester him into coming back to the Capitol, for one last showdown. Easy enough, right?

Interlude I: "Promises to Keep" by Ozzyyy

T\c\-\1k\part of a series\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

These woods are lovely, dark, and deep But I have promises to keep

And miles to go before I sleep And miles to go before I sleep.

--

Techno has a plan. It's crazy. It's insane, it's actually just batshit bonkers. But if chaos cannot be enjoyed together, then what's it worth, yeah? There's a certain beauty in watching the world burn from the center of the flames. Phil intends to be there.

I Don't Want To Start A Fight (wouldn't you rather start a riot?) by KryOnBlock

T\c\violence, death\15k\Technoblade & Philza & Ranboo

Summary:

An universal ping rang out from behind him, the third and final he knew, and Phil sobbed, clutching the body tighter.

Techno didn’t move.

It always has been Technoblade and Philza, Philza and Technoblade. Take on half, and you shall never go back.

Sheltered by Lulatic

G\c\-\6k\Ranboo & Technoblade

Summary:

It was cold outside. But Techno never heard Ranboo complain.

That was the best excuse he could muster to keep him out.

Antarctic Princes 'verse by BirchWrites

T\o\-\15k\series\sbi

Summary:

Loosely-connected one shots set in an AU where the Antarctic Empire and the Dream SMP are in the same world. Ordered chronologically, but each fic can be read as a standalone thing

Summary of first part:

Oh shit. Forget arrested; Dream’s going to have to tell Wilbur that he watched Tommy get stabbed for being terminally stupid.

May we cross paths again by QueenLunaFreed

G\c\-\1k\Dream & Technoblade

Summary:

“Even if tomorrow it’s just us versus the entire server, Dream, I’m telling you right now - I have confidence.”

---

Dream couldn’t comprehend the pacing contradiction in front of him, the weakness he could clearly see, but would never comment on. Because this man has been defying Dream's expectations since they first met, because despite them not being friends and having no reason to trust each other, Dream knew that Technoblade is the only person who he’d trust to do this right. To destroy L'Manberg alongside him yet again, this time for real.

leave me your starlight by findingkairos

T\o\-\18k\Technoblade & Philza

Summary:

For you the world, Phil.

Once upon a time, Philza Minecraft is the only person who does not shy away from the bloody teen that regularly turns the tide of war.

This cements a friendship that will last wars, empires, worlds, and lifetimes.

 ---

(Featuring: Back to Back Badasses, healthy relationships, accidental deification, intentional world domination, and Phil's past coming back to haunt his best friend.)

[cremdotexe]

Villains of 3rd life: Analysis

I was bored, and though we all know basically everyone is a villain in their own rights, there are definitely some stand-outs. So I’m here to analyze some of them, this is in the context of 3rd life and not cc, of course. A very long post and session 7 spoilers under the cut.

Grian and Scar

I’m putting Scar and Grian together because they’re on the same team with the same goal, but I’ll analyze them both together and seperately, starting with Grian.

Grian dedicated his green life to Scar. It was all fun and games at first, but I believe while Scar’s first death was unintentional, and that he felt genuinely guity when it happened, Grian has twisted that into his advantage. He sets a lot of traps, and use Scar as the completely willing scapegoat. No wonder he didn’t die sooner, the red army still has faith that he was going to switch sides once he had died. BUT the thing is there’s a loophole in his agreement with Scar, and that is while he can leave, he doesn’t have to. And at this point in the war, who would? The red desert have quite the upper hand now, and Grian’s partnership with Scar has been more than successful. Grian knows this as well, so he teamed up with the hobbits and decides to stick with Scar, and that’s the smartest thing to do.

On to Scar, who has been a wild card this entire series. Etho described him as a wild animal, and while that’s can definitely apply due to his knack of just going rogue and attack people even when he’s at a clear disadvantage, what directly contradicts Etho’s statement is that Scar doesn’t actually attack wildly like say, Skizzle or Cleo do. Even when he was going up alone against the entirety of dogwarts, he managed to stall long enough to pretend to escape down under his bunker, then he ambushed them, almost killing Etho permanantly. He then lure Martyn over and that led him to his first death, then he ambushed Impulse. Yet everyone seems to see him as a non-threat just because people knows Scar’s biggest weakness is his own clumsiness, but what they don’t realize is that his biggest advantages are that not only is he actually quite smart and charismatic with his attacks and escapes specifically, but people keep underestimating him.

I have said it before and I will say it again, these 2 together is one of the most dangerous duos and they have been since the beginning. They work incredibly well together, and both of them have specific skill sets that let them live this long despite having a lot of enemies at the beginning. These two legitimately and quite literally gaslight gatekeep girlbossed their way out of the chaos they caused themselves, and they have been successful so far, which says a lot considering how much damage they actually caused.

Ren

I’m putting Ren here more as the ‘tragic backstory’ villain rather than the fullfedged villains that Grian and Scar are. At first, Ren has great intentions, but that all went downhill after Scar threatened him and the sand people successfully put him on yellow life. His villain arc, however, starts the moment he purposefully went red and went to people’s house, asking for an offering in exchange for loyalty, if he doesn’t get it, their names get put into the book.

Sounds familiar? What he was doing was EXACTLY what Scar did to him, and that led him to turn yellow. and now the rest of the server other than the red army refers to him as the red king and they see HIM as the villain. Ren’s been hunting down his enemies, and this became very clear in session 7. He declared war, and all of this was for a banner, all for their honor. Now, he’s at a disadvantage after a betrayal, arguably because he went red on purpose.

Speaking of betrayal...

Impulse

I count Impulse as a villain here specifically because of his motives. Impulse has been playing 3rd life in a very passive manner, he helps everyone and gain favors from everyone, getting on people’s good side this whole time, all because he wants to survive himself. From session 1 to 6 he had everyone, and I mean everyone warped around his fingers for a good while, and he was planning on betraying most of them, if not all. And while everyone knows something is up, the only one really distrusting him by the beginning of session 7 was Cleo, and Cleo is gone now.

What he said at the beginning of session 7 to the crastle really made his intentions clear. Impulse wants to come out on top, and in a way, he already did. He have good gear, good ally, and he was very willing to betray dogwarts without any hesitation. He even said he wanted death and destruction, he didn’t want people to just go to war with no pay offs, he wanted people to actually starts dying more than they already were. I wouldn’t be even a little surprised if he turns on Bdubs and Tango too, after all, he’s still on yellow and they were both red.

Out of everyone, I also think Impulse have the most drive to actually win the series, he’s still having fun of course, but he have a legitimately good plan. We’ll have to say where that goes.

Joel

Joel is dangerous in a different sense than the other 4 mentioned in this list because he seems to be going with the flow, so this one is going to be a bit shorter than everyone else’s due to the simplicity of his actions. He’s simply doing whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Everything he does is in his own best interest, he doesn’t actually care about alliance other than what’s convenience. Joel betrayed the dogwarts just so Scar would help rebuild his roof, he burnt down the hobbits’ wall just because he wants to. Like Scar, the only thing he really wants is to cause chaos, but unlike Scar, Joel does it for his own gain as opposed to for fun like Scar often does.

-----

Yeah, to be honest I just wanted to ramble and share my thoughts, it’s fun to type these down even if it makes me a nerd lmao. Minecraft war go brrrr.

[scripttorture]

You likely don't follow Dream Smp but there was just a reveal that one person (Character A) is torturing another (Character B, former villain, now in prison) for info on necromancy while the warden of the prison gave CA the equipment to do it and is ignoring CB's screams for help. And half the fandom is trying to justify it with "oh, CB deserves it for threatening to kill a child, killing (1/2)

another child (who he then revived, not justifying /that/ though) and manipulating/abusing the latter." Not only that, but so many people are telling off anyone who pointing out how messed up it is (and don't worry, the story itself so far is showing that it's messed up and won't work) with "it's just fiction, get over it." Like I am legit concerned over how many people are claiming it's cathartic and the character deserves it for their actions. Rant over I guess (2/2) (Dream smp anon) And I forgot to add that this character was /already/ being tortured; he has been in complete solitary confinement for upwards of 2 months and is being starved) and was actively self-harming and destroying items in his cell in a bid to get the warden to come replace them (looking for social interactions, even if it was negative) and people STILL thought that wasn't "enough of a punishment"

-

I have no idea what this show? Comic? Piece of media is but I’m happy to give my opinion on the general situation and use of violence in fiction*.

 But I’m not here to take sides in fandom wars and the aim of this blog is not to tell people they can’t write about violence or abuse. It’s to make people think about how it’s used in stories and hopefully create something that’s more realistic and respectful to real survivors.

 At the end of the day the reason I’m interested in fiction is because it effects our perception of real survivors. When so much of our popular media is unrealistic in ways that demean survivors that has an effect. I want to remind people that while the violent acts we write about are fiction, similar acts are happening to real people today.

 Torture survivors are real. They’re human and they deserve respect.

 Here’s the thing Anon, the people you’re mad at are real too. And the characters that sparked this are not.

 There’s nothing wrong with having a strong emotional respond to fiction. There’s nothing wrong with getting frustrated with how pigheaded or outright bigoted fandom can be. But it is worth questioning whether responding to this kind of thing is worth it.

 Arguments over fictional characters can become extremely heated and result in real world harm. And so long as you’re engaging with stuff in a purely fictional context… well I think the chances of being dismissed, belittled etc are significantly higher. (Note however that being dismissed and belittled still happens when you’re dealing with torture in the real world.)

 This is not fair. That does not change other people’s responses or the cultural climate.

 I will be blunt; if you are writing and reading in English the majority of fans you deal with will be Western and white. I have personally found this intersection very likely to treat violence as something purely fictional. I have found them unlikely to consider torture as a reality unless they are prompted to.

 And from my side of things that prompting is often like dropping an anvil on someone’s foot during the conversation.

 Believe me I get it. It is infuriating to see real, deadly torture techniques interpreted as harmless. It is hurtful seeing torture victims blamed for their own suffering. This happens on the news as often as it does in fandom so the fact these feelings are being set off by something fictional doesn’t make a lot of difference. Because these arguments are used in the real world against real people.

 Seeing torture apologia touted as this weeks hot take is something you are allowed to be mad about. I’d be a hypocrite if I said otherwise.

 But educating other people is hard work and you are talking about a piece of media aimed at children. You are probably talking to children. If you’re a teenager yourself it might be hard to hear it put like that.

 It’s still true.

 If you really want to have these conversations in your fandom then you need to centre the reality. Underestimating or dismissing the damage solitary confinement and starvation do to people is serious because it props up real world systems of abuse. Because it justifies ‘tough’ sentences to level of isolation that leave people mutilated by their own hand, or unable to function in society. Or dead. Because it leads to doctors ‘prescribing’ diets used in death camps.

 Here’s the thing, talking about that reality to children is a fraught process. Especially when they’re children who don’t have any experience of seeing this stuff. And unless you’re their parent or teacher educating them is not your job.

 Sending them down an internet rabbit hole that leads to photos of real injuries, real torture, real mass graves… I think that has the potential to go very badly.

 Enjoying something and then discovering that the fandom is toxic is unpleasant. But my impression is that’s the problem here: the fandom interactions are leaving you feeling like shit.

 Disengage.

 You do not need the fandom to enjoy uh… whatever Dream smp is. You do not need their permission and if the fandom is a negative space for you, you are allowed to leave.

 If some of these people are your friends then by all means try to privately explain why their words hurt you and use this blog as a resource. But ask yourself how much you want to be friends first because that is a long painful process that might not work.

 Torture apologia is everywhere and fixing it is going to take decades.

��Accept that you can not control other people’s actions. Accept that some people will always be assholes.

 If seeing torture apologia hurts you then… you probably need to find a piece of media without torture to enjoy. Because apologia is so present that I think that’s the only way to completely avoid coming across it in fandom.

 Once again I understand. I’ve volunteered to be bombarded with this stuff every day. It is upsetting. It is also embedded our global culture and the popular media exported to every single nation on the planet.

 Constantly being confronted with it and stewing in that anger and hurt is unhealthy.

 Step back. Do something else for a while. Take a look at this post I made last week. You might find some of the advice on dealing with these feelings helpful.

 You can not make people care. Hopefully most of the people you’re talking to will grow and learn and become more compassionate people. But you can’t force that process.

 And you don’t have to deal with their bullshit while they’re still growing.

 Shouting at other people isn’t always helpful and it isn’t activism. If you want to do something constructive there are a lot of organisations that would gladly accept your money and your time.

 Here’s a couple that seem relevant:

Just Detention

Solitary Watch

The World Food Programme

Amnesty International

 I hope that helps. :)

Available on Wordpress.

Disclaimer

*I asked a friend to explain what Dream Smp is and I’ll be honest I still don’t understand it. But hey I got an idea of the target audience which helps. Please don’t explain Minecraft to me any more let me rest.

[simplydm]

This has it all- Ponk, Sam, Foolish, incomprehensible stupidity from the author, phineas and ferb reference, a special guest,

Sam burst through the door and fell directly to the floor. “Ponkie! I just invented a new redstone machine! And I need a test dummy!”

“Whatchu calling me dummy for, huh?” Ponk looked up from their super important doctors document, sliding their feet off the desk.

Sam began to pick up bits and pieces of the door. “Sweet Ponkie, I would never call you a dummy. It’s just a phrase that means someone to help me test out a new machine. Also, sorry about breaking your door again. I’ll make you another one, I promise.”

“Well, I suppose I can help you if you make me another door. Good thing I just finished up reading this super important document.” Ponk lay the papers down and went into the other room to shed their doctor’s coat. When they came back, it was to find Sam with the super important document in his hand. “Hey!” Ponk snatched the papers out of Sam’s hands.

“Ponkie, these are images of me from the prison. Literally how did you get the prison’s security tapes? And why are there little hearts drawn around me?” Sam sounded beyond confused.

“I have my ways.” Ponk said evasively, putting the paper in a desk drawer and locking it.

“Ponk…”

“Sammy! Hey! I’m your dummy!” Ponk patted Sam on the cheek, and instantly Sam melted into a big goofy smile.

“Yeah, you’re my dummy. Let’s go!” He walked through the Sam-shaped hole in the door. Ponk dropped their smile and mouthed some definitely really good insults at Sam’s back and flipped him off for good measure, but followed him nonetheless.

“Cheated on my cute ass, chopped off my arm, breaks my doors… this man should start financially compensating me.” Ponk muttered as they caught up with Sam.

“What was that?” Sam smiled down at them, tossing an arm over their shoulder.

“Nothing, Sam. Just clearing my throat, you know.” Ponk shrugged the arm off.

“Well, I’m sure we can find a nice way to compensate you ;)” Sam said.

“How the fuck did you say that out loud?”

“Don’t worry about it. C’mon Ponkie, let’s go experiment.”

The redstone machine was huge. The best way Ponk could think to describe it was that it looked like some kind of -inator that Dr. Doofenshmirtz would make. The redstone wiring was intricate and wrapped around bulky blocks, and it all came to one point, down a barrel and pointing right at the door as they entered.

“What the fuck is this thing?” Ponk walked slowly around the machine.

“I’ve been tinkering with this bitch for months now.” Sam patted the machine gingerly on the side. “Basically, I wanted to create a machine that changes muscle mass. We have so many weak people on the Dream smp, and they’re always fighting! Not everyone is a muscle god with such a fat dumpy like I am. And I think wars could be so much more efficient if everyone was swole as hell!”

Ponk personally thought that wars would actually last longer if everyone was physically fit, but they kept that to themselves- they were still wondering how Sam had said ;) out loud.

“So, what am I here for then?” Ponk asked, coming to stop in front of the barrel of the machine.

“Ponkie, you’re gonna be my first test subject. I’m gonna make you swole.” Sam arranged Ponk right where he needed them.

“I don’t know Sam… I like looking small, because then people underestimate me.” Ponk scratched their head through their mask.

“It’ll give you a fat dumpy.” Sam wiggled his eyebrows.

“Oh shit!” Ponk exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say so sooner? Blast me with that shit, babey!”

“You’re cute.” Sam said affectionately, going around to the other side and slamming a huge red button with his fist. There was a loud noise that kind of sounded like the default iPhone ringtone, not that Ponk knew that that was because iPhones didn’t exist in Minecraft, and a flash of yellow light.

Ponk opened their eyes to find themselves looking up at the ceiling. Their whole body felt weird. They must have fallen to the ground hard.

“Ponkie? Where are you?” Sam sounded frantic.

“I’m right here on the floor, stoopid.” Ponk said.

Sam’s footsteps came closer and closer, and finally Sam came into view above them. “Ponk?”

“Sammy, did you get taller? Why’re you so far away?” Ponk called to him.

“Oh my god it is you.” Sam bent down and looked into Ponk’s eyes. “Oh no… Ponkie…”

“What? What’s wrong with me?” Ponk demanded, starting to get a little panicked.

“I- I’ll just show you.” Sam said, scooping Ponk up and walking to a nearby mirror. It looked like someone had put their fist through it at some point, but Ponk could still see themselves clearly, laying in Sam’s big hands.

“Fuck! I’m a fucking lemon!!”

From what Ponk gathered from Sam’s frantic explanation, before he dumped Ponk on the table and took up residence at the other end with his notes, was that the machine had, instead of adding muscle mass, had just straight up turned them into a lemon. All body mass turned into a fruit.

Now the room was silent, except for Sam flipping through pages of notes. “There has to be some kind of reverse switch.” He kept muttering. Ponk just lay there, propped against some books. They could do nothing except think about having to live the rest of their life as a lemon.

“I’ve been researching all night, and I think I’ve come up with a solution.” Sam ran a hand through his hair as he approached Ponk’s side of the table. “True love’s kiss.”

“True love’s kiss?” Ponk repeated.

“Yeah. It seems that redstone seem to run off of similar magical properties that old stories do. So, hypothetically, true love’s kiss should break the spell.”

“I see. Makes perfect sense.” Ponk murmured. “Alright. It’s worth a shot, right?”

“Yeah.” Sam picked Ponk up.

“Alright, so let’s go to Foolish!” Ponk said.

“Foolish?” Sam froze, with Ponk the lemon halfway to his pursed lips.

“Yeah! Who else would my true love be, huh?” Ponk wiggled a little bit in Sam’s palm. “Let’s go!”

“Oh… I thought I- okay, yeah, let’s go to Foolish then.” Sam turned around to grab something, and couldn’t seem to find it. He turned back around eventually, after wiping his eyes. He scooped Ponk the lemon into his hand. “Alright, to the desert we go.”

“Eh? What’s up with your voice, Sam? Why do you sound weird and congested?”

“Don’t worry about it Ponkie.” Sam replied. “Just cleaning my throat, you know.”

They could hear Foolish long before they could see him. It sounded like thunder coming from across the sandy land. Foolish finally came into view, twenty-three feet tall and stacking giant stones on top of each other.

“Foolish!” Ponk called, but of course Foolish didn’t hear them, as their tiny voice didn’t carry very far.

“Foolish!” Sam yelled. That got Foolish’s attention. He turned around and waved at them.

“Sam!” He called in a thunderous voice, shaking the ground as he walked over. “Lemmie join you, my handsome friend!”

“Why the hell is he calling you handsome?” Ponk asked Sam.

“I literally am handsome, Ponk.” Sam replied. Ponk couldn’t think of a rebuttal to that.

“What’s up?” Foolish said, now human sized. “Oooo is that a lemon? Can I eat it?”

“Like hell you can eat me, stoopid!” Ponk shouted.

Foolish screamed and jumped back. “That lemon is talking! Oh shit, I knew I shouldn’t have taken all those drugs I found in that mineshaft.”

“No, no, you’re not high. That lemon is talking. It’s Ponk.” Sam assured Foolish, holding out the lemon.

“Oh. Yeah, that’s much more reasonable.” Foolish contended. “…Why are they a lemon?”

“Sam used me as a dummy and now I’m a fucking fruit!” Ponk tried their best to wiggle around in anger, but lemons don’t have many bones or muscles.

“I was working on a machine and it malfunctioned when I tested it on them.” Sam clarified.

“Okay, but why are you coming to me? Do you want me to, like, hit the machine with a big rock or something? I got lots of big rocks. But redstone… not so much.” Foolish picked up a rock, just in case it was needed.

“No, see, we think we have a solution to reverse the machine’s effects. True love’s kiss.” Sam explained, but he sounded kind of strained at the last part.

“Okay…” Foolish’s eyes flicked back and forth from Sam to Ponk the lemon. “Why are you coming to me then?”

“You’re the true love, stoopid!” Ponk piped up. “So kiss me!”

Foolish gave Sam a very confused look, but scooped Ponk into his own hand, tossing the rock to the side. “So I just have to kiss you.”

“Yes.” Sam said.

“Okay!” Foolish brought Ponk up to his mouth. “Lol, I’m so afraid I’m accidentally take a bite out of you like I would to normal lemons instead of kiss you. I’m just in a silly goofy mood like that, you know?”

“Please don’t take a bite out of me… yet.” Ponk said, and wished they knew how to say ;) out loud.

“I- I hate mortals.” Foolish murmured, but leaned in and kissed Ponk the lemon.

Nothing happened.

Ponk and Foolish turned to look at Sam. Sam was shaking his fist out, and the column next to him had a dent in it.

“It didn’t work.” Ponk said.

“I’m gonna be honest, Ponk, I didn’t think that would work anyways. Don’t you think Sam would be you’re real true love? I’m just super attractive and smart, too much so to be anyone’s true love. I think Sam should try, honestly.”

“It’s worth a shot.” Sam said as causally as he could, leaning an elbow on the nearby pillar, but missing it entirely and almost falling over.

Ponk regarded Sam from their throne of Foolish’s hands. “Yeah, alright.”

Foolish handed Ponk back over to Sam. Sam raised Ponk the lemon up to his face.

“It’s worth a shot.” Sam repeated, smiling softly at them. “After all, you’re my dummy, remember, Ponkie?”

“You’re such a simp, Sam.” Ponk rolled their eyes. “Just kiss me already.”

Sam brought Ponk to his lips and kissed them gently.

Nothing happened.

Sam sighed, a few tears in his eyes. “I’m sorry Ponkie. I should have done more.”

Foolish, Sam, and Ponk stood there in silence, all trying to comprehend the idea of Ponk having to live their life as a lemon.

“Wait!” Ponk suddenly spoke up. “What if you’re both my true love! What if you both have to kiss me at the same time!”

Sam looked at Foolish, who shrugged.

“Worth a shot.” Foolish said.

“Worth a shot.” Sam echoed. He held Ponk up so they were level with Sam and Foolish’s mouths. They both leaned in, and kissed Ponk on either side of their lemony figure.

Nothing happened.

“FUCK!” Ponk yelled, and never had they wanted to have legs more then now. They’d be kicking shit if they could. “I’m gonna be a fucking lemon for the rest of my fucking life!”

“Perhaps I can be of some help.”

Foolish, Sam, and Ponk in Sam’s hand turned around to find a figure in white walking towards them. The person came into view, and the three of them gasped.

The milkman stood before them, smiling and holding a few cartons of milk. “Hello everyone. Sorry it took so long to get here.”

“The Milkman?” Ponk said in disbelief.

“That’s me. Hello Ponk. You look to be in a lemony predicament there.” The Milkman leaned down to look Ponk directly in the eye. “Fortunately, I think I figured out a solution.”

“How?” Foolish asked.

“Well, I was looking through Sam’s notes, and I noticed a critical error in the redstone calculations. And I think, with my knowledge and abilities, I have come up with a new potential reversal cure.”

“How the fuck did you get into my house?” Sam asked.

“I have my milky ways.” The milkman said evasively. “Anyway, I need you all to trust me. I can fix this lemon.”

“Lay it on me babey!” Ponk said.

“Sam, hold Ponk out towards me.” The milkman rolled up his sleeves. Sam held out his hands. The milkman unscrewed a jug of milk and drizzled it all over Ponk’s lemony body and Sam’s hands. Then, the milkman leaned down and straight up made out with Ponk the lemon. He pulled away and then, with a pop, Ponk suddenly appeared in their human form, sitting in Sam’s hands. They were covered in milk, and gasping for air.

“There we go, back to normal.” The milkman said in satisfaction. “Well, my work here is done. Back to delivering milk. No need to thank me.” And without another word, the milkman turned and walked away. Ponk, Foolish, and Sam (still holding Ponk), stared after him until he vanished into the desert haze.

“That was kinda poggers, if I’m being honest.” Foolish remarked.

[katsidhe]

Hello as a long time silent lurker with post notifications on, and someone who has been very into the minecraft roleplay for about 9 months, I am oh so incredibly intrigued on your thoughts! I hope you don't mind if I ramble a little. Sam (both minecraft and spn, but in this context the minecraft one) is one of my favourite characters because he's so incredibly complex. The prison story has sparked so much discussion and conflict in this fandom, so I would love to hear your thoughts if you want to share!

oh noooooooooooo don’t enable me. (Jk <3)

I’m putting this under a read more for those of you who don’t want to be inflicted with my minecraft roleplay brain worms. I would apologize but I think we’re well past that.

So, like, full disclosure that I am pretty new to dsmp and am surely missing out on big ol swathes of Essential Character Content, etc etc. But I do know the basics, and I’ve (naturally) watched all the Torture Box Content, because I mean come on, that’s my brand.

k so First of all, THE most essential part of any media: x-coded y girl. Dream is a textbook Cas-coded Sam girl. Sam (Minecraft) is a Cas-coded Dean girl. Quackity is a Dean-coded Sam girl. I’d say Tommy is Dean-Dean. Techno is, hmm, Cas-Cas. Okay, important part done.

Minecraft Sam is very fun! I find it absolutely delightful that he clings to moral high ground while torturing and starving a prisoner. And at least from what I’ve seen, there’s a lot of room for interpretation as to the level of guilt and involvement he actually feels about what’s being done to Dream. He goes back and forth between justifying the treatment as something Dream categorically deserves, and justifying it as a means to an end. Whether that end is the book itself, or whether it’s Quackity’s cooperation/satisfaction, or whether it’s some twisted and bloody sense of justice and duty, seems to vary wildly. On top of that, of course, is the irony that Dream was the one to give him this commission and this job in the first place: in every respect, it’s a duty to Dream (to punish him; to secure him; to uphold his rules) that Sam’s fulfilling. Dream isn’t the only one to suffer from Sam’s inflexibility surrounding the entire concept of Dream: Tommy and Ponk do too.

And yet it’s not the inflexibility that ends up hurting Dream the worst: it’s the gaps in that rigidity. If Sam had kept the prison operating as apparently originally commissioned, it would be inhumane but just about bearable: hardly the level of absurd, over-the-top war crime that it’s reached by now. His choice to begin starving Dream in earnest seems to have been mostly an emotional reaction, after Tommy’s death. (Ironic, too, that Tommy also suffered the result of this choice.) And this is fine, because it’s not active: it’s passive, something that’s happening by inaction. Same with giving Quackity specially made weapons and total carte blanche.

The level of trust that Dream has in Sam’s sense of duty is also fascinating. Even as late as the most recent stream, after the guy’s been permitting him to be tortured for months, Dream appeals to Sam’s need to keep Dream static, in one place as his prisoner, in order to save his life. Incidentally, I do think that convincing Sam to keep Quackity from straight-up murdering him is the only concession Dream was actually hoping to win with that conversation. because like, food and a courtyard visit? after a jail break? Like hell is Sam going to grant that, even before the stunt he and Techno pulled, and Dream knows it. I think that the rest of that conversation was just to deflect, and keep Sam from questioning Dream more sharply about whatever he and Techno have planned. Bringing up Tommy and letting Sam go off on his predictable diatribe about morality and just desserts seemed similarly strategic: Dream knows what Sam thinks about what kind of treatment he deserves. He’s had months to figure it out, and it wasn’t exactly rocket science to begin with.

Anyway, that trust is the same reason Dream appealed (unsuccessfully) to Sam when Quackity first showed up: it devastated him to realize that he’d miscalculated the degree of Sam’s willingness to set aside his duty in this one particular way. Quackity in general represents a HUGE blind spot in Sam’s otherwise completely rigid inflexibility: so huge it’s almost baffling, given what Sam was ready to do to Tommy and Ponk and Ghostbur. But Quackity represents a loophole Sam badly wants. He badly, badly wants some good old-fashioned vengeance, without dressing it up with any pretensions of procedure or justice, but he can’t allow himself to actively act on those impulses—or else he would be Bad, and he can’t have that. He has to believe himself to be Good, and he wants to indulge himself with Dream’s suffering anyway. So he explains that, actually, Dream’s treatment is Dream’s own fault. It’s hilariously deluded.

Which brings me to Quackity, because what makes Quackity fun is that he’s actually NOT hilariously deluded—not about this, at least. Unlike Sam, he’s not laboring under the insane mental acrobatics necessary to convince himself that torture is Good Actually. He knows that what he’s doing is terrible, but he owns it: he’s fine admitting that he enjoys it, that he’s doing this for personal gain and personal vengeance and not for reasons of high-minded civic duty. He’s justifying the torture with brutal simplicity: Dream has hurt him and Dream has something he needs, done and done. He seems to be a firm believer in vengeful and disproportionate retribution, just as with his whole Butcher Army thing. To which I say, neat and fun! I also really really enjoy the power dynamic between him and Dream. Dream is someone who commands respect and fear and power, who could murder Quackity with one hand tied behind his back if they were on equal footing, and who probably barely spared him a thought as a threat. Quackity lives in terror of the thought of Dream escaping and wreaking his vengeance. And Quackity is trying his very best to wrestle that power away from him.

He seems to be pretty unpracticed and ineffective at torture, too—like, yeah, I get this is Minecraft and props are limited, but torturing someone long-term with an ax and a sword is going to be more than a bit unwieldy. and did he even bring in health potions his first day? It’s pretty telling and hilarious that Sam is the one who offers the shears, a far more practical choice of tool. Not to mention that the entire premise of his interrogation gives Dream massive, massive incentive to never give Quackity anything. Quackity straight up admits to Dream that the information he wants is the only reason he’s letting Dream live, which is utterly counterproductive if he wants the book sometime this year. Functionally, he needs to torture Dream not merely into admission, but into suicide. And as the days and weeks and months pass, he’s still got nothing to show for it but growing vindictiveness, paranoia, and frustration. By the time of the latest stream, he’s completely lost the plot—his threats don’t even make sense, his violence is ineffective and unhinged and indiscriminate. He’s lost all leverage and he’s needlessly (re)made a powerful enemy in Technoblade.

So, like, characters like Lucifer are fun because they’re good at torture. Characters like Quackity are fun because they’re bad at torture. But that doesn’t much matter. He doesn’t need to be particularly talented, or strong, or skilled to make Dream’s existence hell: the bare facts of the situation are more than enough for that. What does he learn, over the course of these visits—what skills does he hone, what kinds of violence does he discover that he can stomach? What depths of ruthlessness and creativity and hatred does he discover within himself? What threats does he make that he finds himself following through on before he’s even thought through the implications? It’s a learning curve, for him and Dream both. They’re learning each other, they’re learning the corners of this little hell together. Dream wasn’t expecting him to be capable of this degree of hostility or violence. Quackity is sick of being underestimated.

Which brings me finally to Dream. My general and hastily-gleaned impression of the fandom gives me the distinct impression that there is somehow a school of thought convinced Dream’s earned this treatment? Which baffles me. not only in how its absurd extremity (daily torture in a tiny box for literal months, jesus fucking christ) isn’t something even the most terrible villain could earn, but also in how Dream himself strikes me more as a morally gray fallen/falling antihero type than anything else. I was honestly completely prepared to find him to be a straightforward Bad Guy pre-prison, but that’s not at all my impression. He’s clearly got people and things he cares about and wants to protect, and big picture goals he’ll ruthlessly sacrifice anything to advance (ahem Cas-coded Sam girl). Really, it’s more that roleplays don’t tend to lend themselves easily to those types of narrative classification: nearly every character is a POV character; consuming the content from every perspective is nearly impossible. There aren’t super neat ways to sort antagonists and protagonists in essential terms, only in their relationships to one another. In terms of manipulation, war crimes, power-grabbing, and general destruction, practically everyone on the server is guilty to some degree or another. Dream’s treated Tommy pretty damn terribly, but that hardly makes him unique. What does make Dream unique is that he’s been singled out for near-universally-agreed-upon confinement (which oh so conveniently aligns with him being held as a tool, for information). And that’s neat!

…Look, tldr I just like it when people are in torture boxes. more media should have torture boxes, they are good and fun. 

[systematicmasspoisoning]

Traitor Tubbo

I've seen so many excellent theories as to who the traitor is and I would like to throw my hat into the ring. I see several possible options. Depending on how this is received, this could be part one of a few. Reminder, this is all speculation. I'm analyzing a character here, not the streamer themselves, and in reality no one, especially not these teens and 20-something role players, are genuinely intending to be malicious or calculated. This is a game. But they're playing it, and my heartstrings, so damn well.

My top theory for the traitor? Tubbo.

Traitor Tubbo is definitely a fan favorite, and I'm probably a bit biased. I watch his streams most often and perhaps am overthinking things. But here's my supporting evidence: I think Tubbo has the most motivation because it's been established that Tubbo is underapprecited and underestimated. He's assumed to a yes-man, Tommy's right hand man. Schlatt specifically made him Secretary of State because he knew it would be a kick in the gut to Tommy.

But everyone also knows that shit gets done when Tubbo is on the server. This kid is dedicated. Guess thats what quarantine does to a Minecrafter. He planned the fesitval, helped streamline Pogtopia's potatoes, is an expert in redstone, is draining the ocean and making allies with the Badlands (BBH, Awesamdude, Antfrost, a few others).

Jschlatt said in his speech at the Festival that Tubbo gets things done (only to kill the kid like 10 minutes later :sadface:) and Wilbur said, later, that the planned Manberg Hotel probably won't be built now that Tubbo is (supposedly) on Pogtopia's side. I see parallels to Eret's traitor arc: he was the deus ex machina who saved them in Season 1 from being arrested for drugs, built their walls overnight and was given little credit for it. Wilbur still says to this day, "The walls I built to protect us."

Underappreciation fuels betrayal on this server. And Eret was smart. Overpowered, almost, from all his grinding (some of which he did with Tubbo, for hours on end.) He knew the revolution was 'never meant to be,' that L'Manberg was the losing side. He betrayed for power and kingship. Tubbo has different motivations - he doesn't advocate for violence, so he's said, and he just wants people to get along. He doesn't want a war. So what might he do for peace?

We all know, if we watch old SMP Earth clips and his Among Us streams that he is big brained. He's sometimes malicious and mischievous when he wants to be, as attested by his recent stair pranks. So him being the peaceful, owo baby boi side character isn't necessarily fact. It's a bit. A role, along the lines of Tubee and Big Law. He's much more.

Speaking of the stair prank, so funny, but had the potential to be cruel, too. Anyways, he clearly said that he was watching Tommy's stream, and saw Tommy die to the stairs. Then he pops on the server later and acts clueless to what went down, though he knew, mentioned in his stream earlier that day, that something important was going to happen that day. He turns up while they're discussing traitors, is quick to take control of the conversation and point out that the traitor is likely Wilbur (for being 'technically' on Dream's side, the side of chaos.) Fuel is added to the flames of confusion and infighting.

Playing dumb is one of Tubbo's most popular bits. It farms awes, as Tommy says. People underestimate him and assume he has no reason to lie. Tommy so easily believed him when Tubbo said he had the discs. In the Dream Betrayal stream, Tommy confronts Dream about the location of the discs with Tubbo in the call. The misunderstanding is cleared up. They don't question Tubbo's earlier statements. They also don't question it when Tubbo mentions he has blackmail on Dream. I have no idea what that might be, we can speculate on that all day. But when it comes to the discs, I think Tubbo lost a bargaining chip there. His lie was very thin. But we know he's good at lying (when its actually important) and thinking quick on his feet so I feel like there must be some motivation behind it. I don't know how, but I think the discs will definitely play a part in the coming war.

That same stream, with Dream's betrayal, Wilbur even foreshadowed Traitor Tubbo. He was making a list of their allies on the wall in Pogtopia and, despite his chat screaming at him to include Tubbo, he leaves the kid off the list and dismisses chat's worries. I'm being a little dramatic here, but can you imagine Tubbo coming across that? Seeing himself, once again, left out of the loop, off the list of people they can trust, possibly considered unimportant now that he's filled his role as a spy and had his arc seemingly completed? Back to being a yes man, a footnote in L'manberg's history, the sidekick to the protagonist, a foil who is killed off to fuel the protagonists' need for revenge.

Except, in Minecraft, you don't really die. You're respawned. Tubbo didn't die when he was executed on the day of the festival; a celebration he planned, was proud of, so excited to take part of that he used a dyslexic font to write his speech.

Some notes about the festival.

1. His excitement. He was looking forward to it. I say let him be excited, that's not necessarily suspicious - he worked damn hard on it.

2. But, I have thought about his difficulty choosing a side. He showed interest in blowing up L'Manberg, but then turns on a dime when Tommy says it's bad, and then comes up with a diplomatic response of "I trust your better judgment, Wilbur " There was the added element of peer pressure from Wilbur and Tommy, granted, talking over him and assuming his viewpoint. He's not always a yes man, he stands up to himself with Tommy constantly, but the scene with him on the roof with Tommy and Wilbur shows how little he is kept in the loop. (Him understanding peer pressure likely led to him forgiving Techno so easily. But I also wonder, and others have too, if he forgave Techno.... too easily.)

3. This isn't so much of a point but something that keeps the writer in me up late at night. He was very grateful when Schlatt praised him, probably something he didn't hear often under Wilbur's rule.

4. He said the phrase. In spite of him not advocating for violence, he said the phrase that would trigger an explosion. The choice was in his hands. That is assuming he got Wilbur's DM telling him what to do, but Tubbo had been told by Wilbur to check his DMs and they had been exchanging whispers frequently throughout the stream, Tubbo taking orders from Wilbur to hurry things along. On that note, why a DM? Why didn't he give Tubbo the order through a whisper thru minecraft where we could see the wording? Likely because they use their DMs to push along major plot points and discuss serious matters. This wasn't just an order from Wilbur, the character, this was an order from the streamer who has the most role playing experience and has admitted to being the puppetmaster behind a lot of Tommy and Tubbo's major actions. Tubbo, who has always tried to advocate for peace, supposedly was told a trigger phrase that would blow the place up, and he said it. It was so out of character for him, that I was surprised, and Wilbur was surprised too, from how Tubbo scrambled. So, I don't know - did Tubbo know it was a trigger phrase? What did the DM say?

There was clearly a lot of miscommunication and weird things that day so all of this is speculation. However, from Tubbo' side of the stream, you can see the deliberation when he finished the speech. The pause. The silence, like he was finished, but then Schlatt reminded him (not the real quote) "Anything else?" And then. Tubbo took the leap. To us, the uninformed audience, it seemed he was willing, in that moment, to allow the chaos.

He was given a role of power, and it backfired on him so quick after, but I would like to rewind to the moment Wilbur decided to give Tubbo a deciding role. I knew Tubbo would be playing a big part this season, cause the boy deserves it, but Wilbur putting that decision in the hands of Tubbo? Wow. *Chef's kiss* Wil's reasoning was, if Tubbo wanted to prove he wasn't a yes man, he'd make the decision NOT to pull the trigger.

But Wilbur also said that Schlatt approved of the speech and would know if Tubbo deviated, putting Tubbo at risk of being caught. He was caught anyway, obviously, but there was a moment there... where Schlatt was giving Tubbo a choice, too. To say the phrase that would prove he was a traitor. Like...Schlatt knew what was planned, and wanted to see what Tubbo would decide. Maybe it was a trigger phrase for something else, not just the bombs.

Point is. Tubbo, technically, saved the day. He was, in physical form, the button. He was the deciding factor for great destruction. He said the phrase, but instead of Manberg being blown, Schlatt moved quickly to trap Tubbo and start a bit that would STOP WILBUR IN HIS TRACKS. The button was never fully pressed. Tubbo's Traitor/Spy Arc was halted, and a diverging plot formed, one where Tubbo is exiled too, trusted again by Pogtopia, and the land isn't blown to smithereens.

As Wilbur has said time and time again, when you introduce a weapon in a story, it has to go off at some point. Traitor Tubbo has been on our minds since the day he was left behind in Manberg and given a position, (once again, might I add, as a right hand man, a loyal lackey. Never the lead.) Has that arc met its completing? Did it go off with a bang?

One possible theory is that, well, no. This has all been premeditated. Not scripted fully, but I feel as though there are strings being pulled by a master who knows how to tell a story.

When he was asked to be a spy, Tubbo's position was nearly revealed time and time again but it was Schlatt who decided he was too bored to continue walking down the tunnels. It was Schlatt who easily accepted Tubbo's blatant lie that he was pregnant and allowed for so much betrayal under his nose.

What I'm saying here is that Schlatt is, in fanfic terms, soft for Tubbo. In a less fluffy way, what I'm suggesting (which has been suggested before) is that Tubbo wasn't a double agent. He was a triple agent.

I've read a lot of fucking books, and when you're a triple agent and one side is getting suspicious of you, what's the greatest length you can go to to prove your loyalty to someone? Die for them. Organize your execution. Throw yourself on top of a bomb.

But like I said. You don't die in Minecraft.

(While I'm on the subject, does anyone find it interesting how Tubbo focused on messaging only Wilbur while Technoblade was on stage, whispering 'i thought he woulded hurt me?' and the like. Wouldn't you, if you were being executed, contact your best friend to get you out of there? Or the clearly stalling 'ally' holding a crossbow to your head? But it wasn't Tommy or Techno that Tubbo needed to convince of his innocence. Its Wilbur who was sus of him.)

I digress. Tubbo didn't die, but he execution=exile and he's living full time with Pogtopia. He's proven his loyalty. When Tubbo is asked if he's a traitor, his best friend quickly jumps to his support and says, something to the effect of, "Schlatt killed him! He couldn't be a traitor!" Suspicion is thrown off him.

He wasn't even there when Dream revealed there was a traitor. He. Played. Dumb.

Meanwhile, streaming on his own, Tubbo is seeking out tridents and OP bows, working on Redstone traps, refusing to get netherite for Tommy, going so far as to trap his friend's house under the guise of a prank, and appearing in TeamSpeak calls to listen in while Tommy was mining gold with Dream (around the time Tommy was pressuring the green bastard to reveal who the traitor is.)

Tubbo has also been building a reputation as someone with bad wifi and a constantly crashing game, so he can conveniently leave situations and not help out when he doesn't wanna. Sidebar: I have to wonder if Tubbo will even stream the day of the war. Schlatt doesn't stream, and neither did the Dream Team when they were villains. It builds up tension and the audience wonders about their motivations. Granted, Eret did stream so his betrayal was a huge surprise, but recently Tubbo has, quite often, made a point of struggling with bad wifi and a game that seems to crash when he's not the one streaming. It wouldn't be too suspicious for him to claim technical difficulties so he can slide under the radar and not have snitches and stream snipers tracing his steps. This is a stretch, but it would be Big Brained to meta game the war.

I've watched a lot of Tubbo's streams lately. It's probably not healthy, and I'm probably connecting dots that aren't there.

But here is my prediction(s) for next week.

Dream said, jokingly, the traitor is Tommy. Despite Tommy's adamance, it may just be possible. He just doesn't know about it yet. Maybe Tubbo talks Tommy into betraying Wilbur. (Wilbur, specifically, and not necessarily their cause, which is not to be exiled and have a not-blown-up L'manberg.) Tommy has said he couldn't be the traitor because he wouldn't betray Tubbo (followed by "Wilbur, too...well...he is a little crazy lately" and you can hear Tubbo in the background making noises of agreement.)

But if betraying Tubbo was no longer a worry? I think, for Tubbo, and for the discs, Tommy would negotiate new terms with Dream. Another end to the war. Another peace treaty. Let's be real, once Tommy switches sides, Pogtopia will crumble. Him and Tubbo are the linchpins.

To continue, Dream supposedly has a contract with Schlatt, and in the stream today, he was leaving banners with a big red X on different properties, like in Tommy's house. Marking territory. He made a point of doing it while Tommy was streaming, following the kid around into the nether and giving shields with the giant red X to supposedly Pogtopian allies (Awesamdude, George.)

Wilbur told Quackity in the Dream Betrayal stream that he worries that Dream's deal with Schlatt is to rescind Manberg's independence. To give power back to Dream. To get Tommy's allyship, Dream may propose instating Tommy as president. Those are Wilbur's predictions. They're not far off the mark. Or maybe I'm just as paranoid as him lol.

I think Dream is trying to manipulate Tommy, but what will the terms be? Presidency? Or Freedom?

I'm not sure that Tommy wants to be president. He likes to play around and while he's shown he can be good at coordination and leadership, (for example, the recent MCC thing where he taught Quackity how to play and they kicked ass,) Wilbur is quite right. Tommy shouldn't be president. Narratively, we all know the server would become....chaos. Okay, that might be kind of fun and he's got good ideas.. I like the kid, and he's grown so much, but he's not "mature enough." Not like Tubbo is, according to Wilbur himself (this is referencing the Stays in The Pit battle). Dream has also said, in the eboy collaboration, that the only Dream SMP player in the video whose stood a chance was Tubbo.

Tubbo has said he doesn't want to be president either, but shit gets done when Tubbo is on. Nature is preserved, giant builds are coordinated, events planned (with cute little digital invites sent to players). The few times that Tubbo has shared his opinion about drama on the server (there's a moment before the Pit that he gives a good speech) he's shown sound logic, great empathy, a willingness to compromise, to have fun and strengthen their community.

There's an old saying, that those who seek power shouldn't have it, and those who don't want the power are the ones who deserve it. If peace wants to be preserved on the SMP, maybe Tubbo should be president, and Tommy should see what it's like to be the right hand man. Or maybe, they will simply run off to a distant jungle base and leave the war to the adults.

My point is, Tubbo is Chekov's gun. Tubbo is the button that hasn't been pushed yet. He may be the deciding factor to change the tide of the war, by changing Tommy's loyalties. Tubbo might not be fully loyal to Schlatt, I could be totally off about the triple agent thing, but he's certainly not loyal to Wilbur. To Dream? We'll have to see. From what we've been shown so far, his loyalty is to himself and to Tommy, and in the end, its usually him and Tommy against the world.

If I'm wrong, I'm wrong. It's fun to speculate. He's just a kid, a smart one granted, and he's having fun; he isn't evil. Unless Evil Tubbo is the next huge arc, the villain of Season 3???? God I would love that. Go feral kiddo.

There are other streamers who are equally over looked and unappreciated and have just as much motivation to be the traitor. Niki is a strong contender, have ya'll heard about the letter she wrote to a mysterious 'friend?' Or, or, what if Philza gets whitelisted? What if there's no shocking traitor at all, just Dream trying to cause division in Pogtopia? What if it's us, the viewers, who were the traitors all along for being dirty snitches? (@rainbowtransform, great theory.)

I'm sure I'll be surprised no matter what the outcome is. But nothing would please me more than to see Tubbo get the spotlight he deserves.

Let me know your thoughts?

[kn1feinthec0ffee]

quarantine with the ferns!! - hc

warnings: none

notes: i really miss these boys 🥺😔

i just wanna preface this with: please please stay in quarantine! there’s people in my state that are protesting in large crowds, without wearing masks and gloves and definitely aren’t social distancing, and stuff like that doesn’t help to flatten the curve. just please stay inside, and if you have to go out, please wear the proper protection and stay at a safe distance from anyone else, okay? by doing that, you’re helping more people than you know.

stay safe you guys, i love you. ♥️

*******

jim mason

sweetie baby oh my goodness

poor jimmy’s just like a lil puppy

he jus wants to go outside and go surfing

you don’t even underSTAND

this boy loooooooooonnnnngggssss to go down to the beach

but the beach is...😔😪🥺 closed.

but that doesn’t stop him from dragging you down there with him even just to hang out for a lil bit

you bring a floaty raft thing and just go down in shorts and a tank top, since you don’t even anticipate getting wet

but jimmy treks down there in some trunks ready to go for a lil swim

and while you’re minding your own business, sunning on the raft, he swims underneath you and FLIPS YOU OVER

you def come up spitting out salt water and trying to clear your nose and ears so you can CHASE HIS ASS BACK UP THE HILL.

this is the inciting incident for one of the most dangerous things that could possibly happen during quarantine,, a prank war.

he goes back down to the shore while you’re asleep and fills up a whole BUCKET. with sand and water and ever so carefully positions it on top of your bedroom door

of course he’s mindful not to get you after you’ve just showered because that would be mean, and jim is a lot of things, but he’s not a MEANIE.

“you’re cleaning this up, mason.”

“already on it, l/n.”

so to get him back for that, you pour the milk and orange juice out of their respective containers and switch them on him

so he ends up taking a big bite of froot loops with orange juice, and washing that grossness down with a big gulp of milk

which you got on video of course

“come on, y/n, you can go deeper than that.”

spoiler: you can’t.

you can’t find it in yourself to do anything that might possibly hurt your baby or make him upset with you

except when you suddenly find enough courage to switch his shampoo for hair dye

which ends up working in his favor bc he totally LOVES IT.

“come on, i can work green. don’t you think?”

this ends up starting an impromptu fashion show

but who’s complaining? 🥰🥰

michael langdon

let’s be honest here: this boy?

he was PREPARED.

but not as much as he thought he was

like spending weeks trapped indoors with his baby? what could go wrong?

a LOT OF THINGS

he underestimated how quickly he would get bored

he is literally willing to do ANYTHING as long as it’s a modicum of entertainment.

he sees you playing minecraft one time and he is so instantly invested

“hey y/n, what’s that?”

“it’s minecraft, you have to build a house to survive and you can play all kinds of games with other people.”

“can... can i try? 🥺”

in literal,,,, seconds he’s built a massive mansion

of course he cheats to get so much wood, but he doesn’t use commands or codes or anything

he just stares at the screen and then SUDDENLY his inventory is full of wood

✨💕antichrist tingz💕✨

but he gets bored of that pretty quickly

bc lets be real,, he has the attention span of a 5 YEAR OLD.

so he turns to the next best thing

which, logically, is of course:

sex. literally marathon sex on every surface imaginable.

he even does this thing where he takes you on the coffee table in front of the other outpost residents, but he makes it so they can’t see either of you

also the breeding link jumps OUT ON THIS ONE, but we’re not gonna talk about that.

basically, you have to come up with manymanymanymany activities so this man baby doesn’t get bored

duncan shepherd

oh boy

quarantine with mr shepherd doesn’t start off so well

he’s SO absorbed in his work, he doesn’t spend a lot of time with you.

but that changes quickly once he sees the toll this is taking on you

you try and pretend he isn’t instantly forgiven because his puppy dog eyes are just soooooo cute 🥺🥺

hear me out: this man goes on a whole shopping spree for you, without your knowledge

literally everything: makeup, lingerie, new clothes

and he has you model them for him, hooting and clapping like an audience member and making you blush every time you struck a pose

mr shepherd turns into the perfect housewife™️ and is always cooking huge, delicious meals and keeping the house clean for you

he’s a little ashamed to admit he took advantage of you always doing these tasks when he didn’t know how long it took to do them all the time

he’s come to appreciate you even more than he used to

he may be into more proper, sit down meals, but i’m not saying he wouldn’t be down to snack a lot too

there are definitely lazy days in bed where you two just loaf about, leaving the bed as little as possible

there are also entire days where you do something else in bed if you know what i mean

i’ll see myself out

xavier plympton

uh oh

this boy is NOT accustomed to staying in one place for long periods of time

so he doesn’t!

you guys end up taking the vanta-c out for long drives

usually parking somewhere near a pier or something for a nice view

yes, i did get a little cheesy there, thanks for noticing

like i said, he’s not really used to being stuck inside for so long, so you have to come up with inventive things to pass the time

he definitely has a bunch of aerobics lesson tapes sitting around

he begs you to do it with him, and who could say no to that face?

you do it for a while but it gets exhausting pretty quickly since you don’t do it as often as he does

oh, your muscles are sore?

xavier gives AMAZING massages, change my mind.

like absolutely magical.

he loved to take your shirt off, sit on the back of your legs, and rub your back while slowly letting his hands float to your front 👀

and did i mention his sex drive?

this man is literally insatiable!

this idiot will go out for groceries and probably come back with like,, a copy of kama sutra or something

he wants to try every! position! in the book!

even the really awkward ones that you can’t quite figure out

“xav, it says i have to put my leg over here.”

“and what?”

“i don’t bend that way, that’s what!”

sometimes he just gives up and you ride him or something lol

but overall, he’s very fun to be quarantined with, even though he complains a lot about having nothing to do

*****************

tags: @emmyrosee @babyboy-cody @moonanonwriting @sojournmichael @leatherduncan @langdondelrey @mxnstersarehuman

[ferocityflynt]

TAGGED: stolen from @overlourdes​ TAGGING: @acrophobicjack​, you

LAYER ONE : THE OUTSIDE

NAME -  Zane Flynt EYE COLOUR -  blue HAIR STYLE / COLOUR -  dyed dirty blonde with the rare white hairs at his temples when he hasn’t had time to dye it.  he’s got a lot of hair for a man his age and it grows quickly,  but he always keeps it the same.  i honestly dont know how to describe his hair style but uhh it sticks up at the front and he’s got side burns... HEIGHT -  6′6 CLOTHING STYLE - kinda punk.  wears a lot of leather including gloves and boots that make him look 6′8. lots of black but also pops of yellow since he thinks it compliments him well.  always pops his collar,  always wears long sleeves,  always wears boots.   BEST PHYSICAL FEATURE - he’s got a gorgeous smile and nice teeth and a really nice and sharp jawline. 

LAYER TWO : THE INSIDE

FEARS -  dying alone, having a loved one die, drowning GUILTY PLEASURE -  he’s not guilty about anything he likes... except for margaritas a little BIGGEST PET PEEVE -  slow people-- both in speed and in making decisions,  being underestimated because of his age,  impolite people, being interrupted and people who talk with their mouth full AMBITIONS FOR THE FUTURE - to never retire and to have an amazing death.  he honestly doesn’t think about the future much

LAYER THREE : THOUGHTS

FIRST THOUGHTS UPON WAKING UP: honestly... where am i is extremely common. WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT MOST:  booze, sex, the people he cares about, his brothers, his jobs, guns and money.  that Rockstar mentality ya know WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT BEFORE BED: when he’s sober enough to think which is rare,  he thinks about his significant other.  also on what he plans to do the next day even if he is a super spontaneous and impulsive man WHAT YOUR BEST QUALITY IS: his fearlessness or his sense of humor.  

LAYER FOUR : WHAT’S BETTER ?

SINGLE OR GROUP DATES -  single TO BE LOVED OR RESPECTED - honestly... he just wants to be loved BEAUTY OR BRAINS - beauty.  he can be really shallow but in the end what makes him stick around is the brains DOGS OR CATS -  dogs... he’s essentially a golden retriever himself

LAYER FIVE : DO YOU…

LIE - rarely! only when it’s for his safety or when he doesn’t trust the person.  he’s generally an honest guy BELIEVE IN YOURSELF - ridiculously so BELIEVE IN LOVE -  no doubt WANT SOMEONE -  always

LAYER SIX : EVER BEEN …

BEEN ON STAGE: technically?  he’s climbed on the stage of a strip club before DONE DRUGS: he’s tried everything but he doesn’t regularly do any of them CHANGED WHO YOU WERE TO FIT IN: the only time he changes his personality is when he has to for a job or when he has to go into hiding.  other than that,  he’s himself always and he doesn’t give a damn about what people think

LAYER SEVEN : FAVORITES

FAVOURITE COLOR - yellow FAVOURITE ANIMAL - he honestly really likes snakes FAVOURITE MOVIE - for his modern verse? Die Hard FAVOURITE GAME - for his modern verse... Minecraft, honestly

LAYER EIGHT : AGE

DAY YOUR NEXT BIRTHDAY WILL BE - this is unanswered because i dont have a birthday set for him HOW OLD WILL YOU BE -  57! AGE YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY - 16 DOES AGE MATTER -  yes,  though he has dated people with a big age difference from him.  

LAYER NINE : IN A PERSON

BEST PERSONALITY - confident,  funny,  affectionate and most importantly,  willing to put up with his childish ways and unresolved trauma  BEST EYE COLOUR - no preference BEST HAIR COLOUR - no preference either BEST THING TO DO WITH A PARTNER - spoon, make out and lots and lots of sex

LAYER TEN : FINISH THE SENTENCE

I LOVE - "myself! someone has to!” I FEEL - “hungry.  could go for an entire pizza right now.” I HIDE - “i’ve got nothin’ to hide,  sorry to disappoint.” (the abuse his brothers put him through) I MISS - “Cait.  my first wife and the best gal i’ve ever met.” I WISH - “for an unlimited supply of booze.  like a booze genie or a fairy.  whenever my bottle’s empty more just appears!  that’s the dream right there.”

[tsurvivorbelize]

S88E1: “Her Name Is Actually Emily” - Kyle

The premiere of Tumblr Survivor 88: Belize takes 18 new castaways to the heart of the jungle and start their journey to become the newest Sole Survivor.

This episode covers DAYS 1 & 2. 

Honestly? I’m kinda loving this game. Everyone on my tribe seems really cool, and we’re seemingly working together well. Normally I enjoy some drama and getting my hands dirty a bit early on but based on first impressions with this tribe? I don’t think I’d mind if we all got our to merge- then again it’s just day 1, by day 10 I’ll probably be begging for a swap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efa-NmW_vnQ&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/RR37pTsKF-w

I'm already getting shady and good vibes .I'm worried already but I hope things can get better

I’m super excited, idk how I feel about my tribe...idk I feel like not many people I will connect with but imma have to fake it until I make it

So I just spent the past few hours talking to everyone on the tribe and nearly forgot we had a challenge 🤷‍♂️. So yeah, I don’t think anyone is going to peg me as the brains of any operation, and I’m starting to think maybe I need to be assigned the “Very easy” puzzle. That’s not because I forgot we had a challenge though, that’s just because I’m stupid.

So at this point there is 3 people in my tribe who already know each other! At this the 3 left in the tribe could join forces and force a tie, which I find very risky at this point, or we could just suck those 3 ass and try to be in the majority alliance with them.

Good afternoon (although the time right now is 7am in Belize so I guess good morning) from the lovely Minanha tribe, and holy shit. I know Survivors are based around luck, but lucking out on having two guys I've known for about 5-6 years on my tribe as immediate easy allies is fantastic. Spike, I met through Minecraft UHCs years ago, where I teamed with him in one of my first games and it was great, and Adam I met through an SMP server run by somebody you guys may all know, Bodhi/Goldcap, and then I basically introduced Adam to a bunch of my other friend groups. Through this, there's a beautiful time to be had for this tribe and I'm just infinitely hoping that Adam and Spike don't stab me in the spine.

Hey so first day or 2 in tribe has been good, I like everyone! It helps I know Katy and Spike but also like I don't want that to put a target on our backs, and it'd be unfair to just work with those I already know, I will do but if needed I can be ruthless. Hopefully we win this challenge and then see what happens, if it goes to tribal well, that's when it gets interesting.

Spike and Axe have both accidentally said racial slurs without realising they'd said racial slurs because they'd never heard of them before and they made them both by just combining my name with Spike's name. Oh no. This tribe is fucked and we're all gonna die.

https://youtu.be/xUvO_y05KNQ

MY FRIENDS ARE FIGHTING ABOUT BRIE LARSON NOOOOOOOOOO.

https://youtu.be/HlsfD_JvUrs

When the hosts make a comment about adding hosts to alliance chats, and you then assume it means that alliances have sprouted.......then you realize you had three people ask you to work together, but alliances typically consist of 3 or more people and include a chat with those people......... Then you realize that means the probability of people disliking you is high and you’ve solidified your first boot status 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Okay so my tribe is a pretty decent I guess. Brien Weber isnt the kind of girl I like to be honest. He betrayed me and I voted him out my last org so this should be fun! Emily talks like a robot too btw? My closest ally is definitely Kyle. We have a lot in common and he thinks i'm cute so it's easy to flirt with him to get on my side. Taylor and Scott arent bad either. I'm building my relationship to them- maybe they could potentially turn into future allies for me :)

I think im gonna vote matt cause he doesn't talk much

https://youtu.be/VIheM4S1IHw

- I can’t believe I looked at Cas’ photo and thought he was an old white woman....my bad

- Aaron is really starting to turn me off. He’s acting crazy about voting off David. I mean I’m finna do it so I’m not a target but I got my eye on him.

https://youtu.be/1qEEEchOOqM

- So a few of my friends decided to take a trek into these temples and came back out with punishments and disappointment. However my lucky self came out with a no vote pass to give away to someone else. So if someone gets testy and decides to be shady as shit, then I'll gladly revoke their voting privileges! :D

- I really like my tribe. I'm getting really close with some people too! Like Jarret, he's like my best friend in the game right now and always makes me laugh. Then  Brien is my drinking buddy, Olivia, I mean Emily is my fellow Michigander, Taylor is my comedy bud, and Scott is my strategy co-conspirator.

- Okay, I keep telling everyone I'm not tired, but I'm fucking tired. Being social is exhausting. I should let everyone hate me and not give a shit if I'm honest.

https://youtu.be/TWCyhqBxyG8

https://youtu.be/gWjLMsOGjvs

- So, as luck would have it, I'm the only person on my tribe who got 3 points from that puzzle challenge, but even that was real close against Brien from No Vaxx or whatever that tribe is called. I wasn't sure what kind of scores to expect from anybody in this game, as I'm used to people who tryhard the fuck out of challenges rather than just submit a semi-good score, and honestly... these scores still don't tell me much whatsoever. Probably just that I shouldn't underestimate the girl who can do a puzzle in 10 seconds.

-  Veni, who is my host chat friend I've invited in, has raised a hilarious point as well. In every Survivor I've ever played, whether Minecraft or Discord or Twitter, I've never been perceived as a challenge threat before. The closest I ever got was when I stayed awake for 40 hours to win immunity at merge. But with my score here, and being the only person to get 3 points on my tribe... what if I finally, after being shit in other Survivor challenges for years, end up being a challenge threat? Crikey crikey.

https://youtu.be/wWNdip6Vxpc

-  Skype's auto-responses make me wanna end it.

-  My previous 2 or so confessionals have been submitted as Day 2, I apologise profusely, but anyway... I wanna take a confessional to comment on the guys in the tribe I don't know from outside the game. Christian, Pietro & Gevonte. I've only just managed to speak to Gevonte today, she's been very much busy and inactive but hey, she's here now and very fun to speak to. We've spoken a fair bit about the differences between FB & Discord Survivors, since neither of us have played Tumblr Survivors before (I think???), and with her inactivity I thought she was a sure fire easy first boot for the tribe, but now I'm not so sure. Pietro is a darling as well, and seems to be pretty much the exact same as a mutual me, Axe, Spike & Veni all have called Kaz, who's also from Brazil. Speaks very much the same as Pietro does, they both have the same mannerisms and same level of likeability and ease to speak to, and I think Pietro is a fun ally as well. And then there's Christian. Don't get me wrong, Christian is also very pleasant, very kind and clearly a lovely person to interact with, but when I compare them to my interactions for the first time with Gevonte or Pietro, they're much more... I guess the optimal word would be awkward to speak to. Maybe they're just not good with new people, maybe it's me and my Asperger's being weird, or maybe there's just not good chemistry between us, but I do value Christian, but at this point, based off nothing else because there's nothing else to base it off, I'd choose Christian as the tribe's goat, and the tribe's easy boot moving forward. Then again, I could just back stab Spike ^w^

I’m very concerned for Olivia. Everyone has now been in the talks of alliances, and her name is the only one that hasn’t been mentioned, and that’s not even because her name is actually Emily. They just haven’t brought her up. She’s such a sweetie though, so I really hope she gets some free time to do some more talking.

-  Okay let’s chat. My tribe...pretty lame. David is basically inactive. Cas has the personality of cardboard so far. Jay is actually cool. AARON IS THE MOST. He’s constantly sending me voice messages which idk why it irritates me but it does. Just message me dude. And he is so paranoid! He thinks everybody is always trying to cheat. Idk...where I come people play for fun and don’t aggressively cheat or maybe that’s just me. He’s pressed about not being able to talk cross tribal (dumb). AND he aggressively wants David out because he’s worried since David knows Madison he might log on to her phone or she might leak info to help him cheat. Boy bye. I’m not going to do anything about him yet because the beauty of being in a new community is I can play dumb like idk what I’m doing and I’m really trying to capitalize and act wholesome. Yikes when the confessional comes out 😅. But oh well. I’m just going to let Aaron explain how to play to me and coast through until I can reach Gevonte who will be my for real ride or die.

-  Madison is pretty.

Tumblr Survivor: Belize, condragulations, you are the winner.

So it's been almost a full round and.... I'm only JUST now talking to most of my tribe lmfaoo. Skype is so weird. Just it being on a different platform makes socializing weird for me. Because I have to remember skype exists. On top of that, everyone else on the tribe seems not all that talkative in and of itself. Granted I know I wasnt tosking all that much either, but since we're safe I need to spend the next few days making connections or else I'm just gonna be another nameless flop. And I've done TOO much of that on FB as it is!

Day 2 and everyone has gone mad already, talking about drag queens and other pop culture stuff.

https://youtu.be/uYl2b48z5GA

https://youtu.be/da7YR2Uz08A

Why does Christian keep asking me about my toilet?

[finleymbct]

Contexts of Game and Play: Readings Week 5

Yep, skipped one, my bad.

Things of Beauty: Super Smash Bros. as Spectator Sport (Innuendo Studios, 2015)

I was pleasantly surprised to discover that one of the readings was from a YouTuber who I recognized. Innuendo studios has done some pretty interesting commentary on games news, and it was the video about Phil Fish and fame that got me onto his channel. (want a fun fact? It contributed to Notch selling MineCraft and leaving games development)

Anyway, I did find the video quite interesting actually, in spite of never being a fan of Super Smash Brothers Melee, I was aware that there was still an eSports scene around - somehow - after 16 years. I guess this video did a lot to show what was so fascinating about the game, particularly as a spectator sport - on some level I can relate, having watched more than a few Counter-Strike tournaments. The difference between Melee and CSGO is pretty stark however. CSGO is still being updated; just recently they patched the R8 revolver and Negev in an attempt to give them some viability, and even the smallest tweaks to staple weapons such as the M4s, AK-47 and AWP can have much of the community, competitive and otherwise, in uproar. Smash isn’t going to ever change however, - everything that is possible now is equally possible sixteen years ago. The Game is fundamentally imbalanced, as Innuendo Studios discusses in the video: characters are tiered by the community in terms of viability, but even though there have been no changes whatsoever to the characters, their rankings have been known to change simply as a result of player meta. 

To me it’s quite bizarre to see a game live on with a community that relies on sixteen year old hardware, battered CRT televisions and actually having to be in the same room to have multiplayer. 

Set and Setting

A quick Wikipedia article, which seems to be mostly about psychedelic drug trips. The title describes ones mindset going into the trip (the “set”) and the physical and social environment (the “setting”) in which you have the experience. The importance of these both is that they will influence the participant’s experience - Timothy Leary describes it as:

“ the drug dose does not produce the transcendent experience. It merely acts as a chemical key — it opens the mind, frees the nervous system of its ordinary patterns and structures. The nature of the experience depends almost entirely on set and setting. Set denotes the preparation of the individual, including his personality structure and his mood at the time. Setting is physical — the weather, the room's atmosphere; social — feelings of persons present towards one another; and cultural — prevailing views as to what is real.”

I guess this does somewhat relate to gaming, as it can be a highly immersive medium. I’ve certainly learned that going into a game pissed off usually results in poor performance and exacerbates my own frustration. As for setting, it often doesn’t matter as much so long as I’m comfortable. I’m reminded of year 12 English, where we studied the film Inception - how the whole dream thing was a metaphor for cinema, where you get totally immersed in a world that doesn’t exist in a physical sense. You ever notice the feeling of disorientation after you get up after a movie in the cinema.

What is ontology? Introduction to the word and the concept -  Kent Löfgren

This one was pretty short; a discussion of ontology, a philosophical and non-philosophical context. In philosophy, it’s about what is and isn’t real, so what are the fundamental parts of the world, and how do they relate to each other. He uses the example of shoes and walking, are shoes more real than the idea of walking? They’re certainly related, as shoes are designed for the purpose of walking, but obviously you don’t require them in order to do so. 

He discusses two schools of thought in ontological philosophy: ontological Materialism, which is that physical things, such as particles, matter, chemical reactions and energy are actually more real than things such as the human mind. It’s the idea that reality exists regardless of a human being there to observe it. I guess it goes back to the old question, if a tree falls in the forest but no one is there to hear it, does it make a sound?

The other school of thought is ontological Idealism, which is the belief that immaterial phenomenon, like human consciousness. It’s the idea that all of reality is constructed in the mind of the observer, and that the only thing I can say is true is that I exist as some kind of conscious thought. It kind of brings up the thought of “if this is true and the world is just a figment of my imagination, why should we care?” The answer which I found, funnily enough, was from the game VA-11 HALL-A: Cyberpunk Bartending Action (which I still haven’t gotten over), where one character had an existential crisis based on that very question. The answer was, you’re able to feel emotions and care when reading a book, watching a movie or listening to music, so you should be able to care what happens around you, even if in the end we’ve been living in the matrix and nothing is real.

In a non philosophical context, ontology is the description of what exists in a determined and specific field, such as every piece that exists within a set. This also includes the relationship and hierarchy between each of these parts. It’s more for researchers than those concerned with philosophy, and what is “real.” Much more objective, I suppose.

Serenity Now - Crash a Funeral in Winterspring

This one was mostly people being dicks and crashing a in game memorial - but also somewhat people underestimating trolls. While what the troll guild did wasn’t very cool, it was also stupid to try to hold a memorial in a PvP zone. The game wasn’t built with such things in mind, and the area in question was made for people to kill one another, gather, so Serenity Now were conforming to the system that was already in place. The next reading delves further into this very moral conundrum.

Serenity Now bombs a World of Warcraft funeral: Negotiating the Morality, Reality and Taste of Online Gaming Practices

If you put do something stupid, but well meaning, does that make it right for someone to take advantage of you? If I walk into a dark alleyway in a neighborhood that I know is rough, and end up getting mugged, does any blame lay on me for doing something stupid and risky? Mugging someone is clearly wrong, and the law is quite clear on that. Is it my fault that I got mugged in that instance, for getting into that situation? Is it the fault of the mugger in question, for waking up and deciding that my money would be better as theirs rather than mine? 

People will tell you that the mugger was wrong, but often they’ll tell you that you were stupid for getting into that situation. This moral discussion extends to all sorts of topics, and can get quite heated for some people based on the moral standards to which people hold not only themselves, but other people. When people say “she was asking for it” after someone rapes a drunken and scantily clad woman at a party, it’s much the same discussion - but people will obviously feel a lot more strong about it based on their perception of the victim, the crime and circumstance. Fundamentally I believe that blaming the victim is stupid, and anyone who takes an opportunity to commit harm to another person is just a guilty as someone who premeditated, but that doesn’t mean that people should be so trusting. It would be a much kinder, more caring world if we all treated one another with decency and respect, but the world isn’t that way, and naivety isn’t a good way to live. 

Going back to something maybe a little more lighter in tone, does crashing the in game funeral for a player who died in real life make you a douche, or does that make you foolish? Is having a funeral in a game about role-playing as warriors, mages and hunters inappropriate? I think that everyone has a right to remember someone in a respectful manner, even if it was just online, but people really should bear in mind the Greater Internet Fuckwad Theory, as named by Penny Arcade.

Play and interpret: 'Year in Review'

This one was a pretty simple game, just keep hitting the N and O keys to slow your drowning. You spam NONONONONONONO as you hear a voice-over pleading “pleasepleaseplease nononono”, and eventually your character disappears beneath the waves, and you’re shown a screen that shows: Your 2015 was a <number of times you hit N and O> out of 10. I guess the most immediate "meaning” I picked up was that the developer’s year was shit and that they felt they were drowning - a common metaphor for being overworked. One way or another, at the end of the game you drown, it’s over, you get a score.

I wonder if they made a game for 2016...

Play and interpret 'Slave of God'

This is probably the most bizarre game I’ve ever played. The colours, thumping (but pretty good actually) and deliberate visual glitches are downright headache inducing, and most certainly not for those suffering epilepsy. I think I finished this one, so here’s a rundown by memory:

You walk into the club, lights flashing, people dancing.

You get a couple of drinks from the bar out the back, and give one to a person sitting next to the dance floor. Every time you stand near where you put your drink down, you drink some, and it apparently never runs out.

You take a piss in the bathroom.

you visit two shady looking types below the stage, to the right.

car crashes next to the dance floor. How it got there is anyone’s guess.

you stand next to someone frantically dancing with a light beam coming out of their head. It catches you in it’s rapture, which is difficult to escape, and you can “pull” them away from the dance floor, getting to the final stage

you then follow a glowing path to see a window, at which point you see a “sun” come up. The games stops, and apparently ends

it was pretty interesting, though to be honest the presentation was difficult to get past. It worked well as a simulation of clubbing while drunk or high, as one moment blends into the other, and everything is reduced to abstract shapes and still images. I don’t know if there was an underlying story, though it reminded me somewhat of some sequences from the first Trainspotting film.

Play and interpret: 'Cyberqueen'

A sci-fi horror text adventure. It reminded me a lot of Systems Shock, which I admittedly have not played but know a fair bit about thanks to a few YouTubers. One such video describes the series antagonist, SHODAN, a sentient AI who takes over a space station and slaughters everyone aboard after the protagonist hacks her I finished the game, and clearly wasn’t imagining things. SHODAN becomes a megalomaniac with a god complex, frequently calling the protagonist and humans in general “insects”. Cyberqueen is pretty horrifying, describing in graphic detail your own dissection and subsequent melding with the AI, with things taking an often erotic-horror tone towards the end. You can choose to masturbate, high on your own power as you become one with the machine. It’s an awful lot like the themes of H.R. Giger’s art, with humans and machines locked in erotic embraces as one melds seamlessly into the other.

Play and interpret: 'Dr. Langeskov, The Tiger, and The Terribly Cursed Emerald: A Whirlwind Heist'

The most premium feeling “Game” of those in the readings. Made by Crows Crows Crows (A studio which I know from a VR experience they made for the HTC Vive called Accounting) and a guy Called William Pugh who directed The Stanley Parable. It’s quite clear that TSP had some influence on this one, they have a similar storytelling style and work to mock and satirise a particular aspect of games - TSP mocks the notion of player choice, whereas Dr Langeskov mocks a lot of the contrivances that occur in any story - you’re the man behind the scenes, making the rain happen, the tiger escape, etc etc. Maybe it’s some kind of author tract regarding the role of the game’s director in making everything “happen”. 

Christ alive, I’m done. Where are my thirty pieces of silver