#I actually got to meet one of my great grandparents! but she died when I was about four or five

[extra-somethin-somethin]

ik ppl hate fictional deadbeat moms but im an avid enjoyer. my feminism knows no bounds truly/j

like i get it she did a bad job. but shit she still did a job that's for sure!! like. she did it do you understand. 14 year old girl is pregnant. it's disgraceful. a shameful stain on her family. yusuke doesn't seem to have grandparents or anything so besides yusuke's bio dad she's got no one. and then when yusuke is a toddler the father disappears and considering who he is and what he's like that's probably for the best. gonna go out a limb and say that yusuke was maybe 4 or 5 when his dad cleared out so. at 18 and entirely alone. atsuko looked down at this little thing. this baby because he's still a baby to her this is a baby who only has her. Not even 4 feet tall with the biggest brown eyes looking to her for everything because he quite literally has no one else.

he doesn't know she's a failure yet. he doesn't know people will look down on them just because he exists as he is. he doesn't know how hard this is going to be from now on. all he knows is he loves his momma

so she doesn't cry. she just meets his big innocent eyes and goes "it's just you and me kid" and yusuke doesn't know that that's a sad thing.

so she takes care of him the best she can and it still sucks but yusuke doesn't know what the standard she should be held to is yet. for a small time she is the greatest and best person in his world and he's the only one who thinks so

then he meets keiko and her parents and finds out that his normal is actually dysfunctional and that his mom actually isn't all that great. that living day to day in the bottom of a bottle isn't healthy. so she's no longer praiseworthy but this person he's responsible for. just like that the roles reverse. because while she was all yusuke had yusuke is also all atsuko has. he doesn't respect her but he still punched the motherfucker in the mouth that called her a tramp. she taught him how to do it.

atsuko comes to terms with the fact that Yusuke doesn't really need her anymore, probably never did so she doesn't bother to care when he skips school or beats whoever he wants to a pulp or gambles because at 14 she was expecting so what the fuck can she really say about him. he sneers at her as he makes her coffee. atsuko lights another cigarette

it feels like betrayal when her son dies. at 14 she had him so how can he die at a sorry age like that. i wasted my teenage years on you for what? so you can die and leave me here? you fucking brat. how can she recover from this? yusuke was all she had. he hadn't looked up at her with an admiring gaze since he was 7 and stopped hugging her goodbye soon after but still he was hers he was hers and then he was gone

but then he comes back. and she doesn't get much better as a mom or as a person really. she tries harder than before maybe (keeping him in school) but yusuke never expected her to. he's made up of her bad habits and uncaring attitude but he's so much better than her. became something good something strong despite how shitty of a job she did raising him.

she's not proud because she has no right to be but something like it tugs in her chest when she sees him feeding the people he cares about at his little ramen cart looking as happy as the first time she'd taken him out to park.

yusuke's dad suggests taking another crack at the whole family thing and she wants to laugh in his face. the only family she'll ever have is that little boy who's stronger and braver than she'll ever be.

she doesn't want to see him laying cold in a casket ever again. he's meant for life, a soul as bright and durable as his. atsuko hopes he lives to see the sun explode

[sirianasims]

TRUTH: What's something you had planned for your legacy but it turned out completely different?

Oooooh, you’ve opened a can of worms now! 🐛

The short answer is: The rest of the legacy.

Originally, I had 12 generations mapped out, but I got tired of rushing through each one, so I have now decided that we’re staying with Julia for a long time and then she will be the last heir. I wanted to take my time and really flesh out her story and try new things with my storytelling instead of sticking to my usual 10 short chapters per generation.

Here is an 🌟 exclusive 🌟 original look at what was supposed to happen. If you read my story back when it was on Wordpress, there was a bit more emphasis on the vampires, but I’ve since toned this down when I started reposting everything to Tumblr because none of this will be happening now.

Very long post under the cut:

🦙 Generation 5 is Julia, and she was supposed to have a single child, a son named Marcus. What actually happens in Julia’s life remains to be seen as I have completely rewritten her entire story.

🎤 Generation 6: Marcus wants to become a stand-up comedian but he’s not actually very good at it. He’s a bit of a hippie and finally decides to just move to the woods and start a commune. He has a daughter. He grows his own weed, but ends up infected by a weird, purple plant that starts growing in his fields. He becomes more and more strange until he is tragically killed by Lilith Vatore, who herself dies after biting him.

🦇 Generation 7: Marcus daughter, Nadia, grows up with her grandparents after witnessing her father’s death. She doesn’t remember how he died but is plagued by nightmares about vampires and becomes obsessed with them. As an adult, she becomes an author of steamy vampire romance novels, writing under a pseudonym. She ends up coming into contact with Vlad and her childhood trauma is triggered by meeting Caleb again. She later works with Caleb and Vlad in their attempt to solve the mystery of why Lilith died from biting her father and they discover the purple plants. She falls in love with Vlad and they have twins, Oliver and Paulina.

🍳 Generation 8: Oliver, born a vampire, dreams of becoming a chef and eat real food. Against his father’s will, he takes the vampire cure, but he struggles to deal with his new mortality and aging. He meets a younger woman but reject her in favour of his career, feeling that he doesn’t have enough time for both. She marries someone else and he becomes a celebrity chef, but realises that it’s all meaningless without love and goes to win her back. They have a son, Quinn, but Oliver is getting old and dies when Quinn is only 21.

🌴 Generation 9: Quinn is distraught after losing his father and wants to make sure he gets as much out of life as possible. He decides to travel the world and eventually ends up in Selvadorada where he meets the grumpy tour guide, Isadora, who hates his spoiled ass at first. They get lost in the jungle and discover a strange purple plant, but wisely keep their distance. They eventually find their way home but Quinn has fallen in love with Selvadorada (and Isadora) and decides to stay and work in her father’s museum. He and Isadora have 3 kids.

🚓 Generation 10: Their youngest son, Tulio, decides to become a cop. After making a big mistake, he gets reassigned to the sleepy and boring Henford as punishment. However, Henford has become a lot less boring lately, and Tulio and his partner investigate some strange things happening, finally discovering some underground ruins which contain a huge purple plant that seems to affect the minds of the locals. Tulio decides that this seems supernatural and calls in backup from his great-grandfather Vlad, and they get another piece of the puzzle of the purple plants.

⭐️ Generation 11: Tulio’s daughter, Vanessa, decides to become a famous actress but she secretly longs for eternal youth and beauty and is jealous of her vampiric ancestors. She tries to talk Vlad into letting her become a vampire, but he says no, so she instead tries to seduce and convince Caleb. Shenanigans ensue, including Vanessa murdering her husband, the father of her child, for being a bit of a dick.

🌺 Generation 12: Vanessa’s daughter Xena decides to find the truth behind the Duchelli family’s strange past. She ends up in Strangerville and finally solves the Mother Plant mystery, discovering a convoluted plot involving aliens that goes all the way back to her ancestor Eric’s brother, Daniel, the half-alien from Generation 2.

The End.

If you read this far, well done! I’m impressed. Have a cookie 🍪 and a picture of Vlad. He will make his way into another story instead, and so will many other ideas from my original draft.

[pjshermann]

Harold Headcanons

He always wanted to become a writer. His ambition to study law was something that came later in life, in his adolescence. But ever since he was a young child, he loved to write. He’s proud of his work as a law professor, but the real pride of his career are the books he’s written.

After adopting Jude, he went to visit his parents’ graves and told them about his new son. He wished they could have gotten to meet Jude before they passed. He’s knows that they would’ve loved him. -

Before he went grey, his hair was a very dark, almost jet black colour

You have @bombaciouscaboose to thank for this one, but I headcanon that after Jude’s attempt, while he was still unconscious, Harold would sit by his side and read from the Torah or recite prayers. He was never the religious sort, but he found himself turning to prayer after nearly losing Jude

Besides his insatiable sweet-tooth, his favourite kind of food is anything and everything Italian.

His first date with Julia was inviting her over to his place and cooking her dinner. The food was a disaster, but they had a great time regardless, eating takeout in Harold’s living room

Keeps Jude’s law graduation photo on his desk. Both at his home study desk and his office desk at his university. (I actually wrote a fic about this teehee check it out on my ao3 PJShermann)

When Laurence had his twin daughters, he gave both of them the middle name "Harriet" after Harold. Harold cried when he found out.

When he and Laurence were in law school, they had made a similar pact/plan to what Jude and Willem had made for the Camino de Santiago pilgramage route, only theirs was the Via Francigena pilgramage route. The year they were meant to take the trip, was the year Jacob fell ill. They never went.

Speaks a little Russian, because he learned from his grandparents. Though now he can only remember a few phrases and lullabies (one of which he sang to Jude when he had his episode) because he stopped speaking it after they passed.

Actually doesn't really care much for gardening, but Julia wanted a garden in their house, so he helped her plant one and contributed to it's maintenance. When Jude comes along, although he's happy enough to delegate the maintenance to him, he hangs around outside while Jude gardens. He finds that it's during this, and while Jude is cooking, that Jude seems his most peaceful, most relaxed, and he's more likely to hum or sing quietly to himself, so Harold likes to be around to be able to witness it.

Out the four boys, the one who reminds him the most of Jacob in terms of his personality, is surprisingly, Malcolm.

Got his love of writing from his biological mother. Though he hardly knew her since she died when he was too young to remember and Adele was a constant mother-like presence throughout his life, his father gave him his mother's old journals, within which she wrote almost every day, up until the day she died. When he wrote his first book, after his father read it, he'd said to him "You write like your mother did".

Liesl was the one who first asked him out, instead of the other way around. They met through a high-school friend of Harold's, whom Liesl was cousins with. Their first date was to see the opera The Tales of Hoffmann

Get's his affinity for petnames from his father. He used petnames often for Jacob (Buddy, sweetie, my darling) but with Jude, he didn't use them simply because (without knowing really why) he felt Jude might be uncomfortable with them.

He kept a collection of all of the little knicknacks and gifts his grandfather used to give to him. It's why he usually gives Willem a little toy or trinket on his birthday.

On November 10th, the anniversary of Jacob's passing, he takes a long trek around the city and doesn't come back until very late. Part of the reason why he's so ecstatic around Thanksgiving is to deflect from the knowledge that it's the month that Jacob passed in.

Was on his high-school's tennis team as a teen, and they went all the way to nationals (Though they ended up losing then)

When he first met Willem, he hadn't remembered him from the men's suit store he frequented and Willem worked at, until Willem mentioned it to him.

[sissa-arrows]

random question, but why do Algerians still hate the French? French Algeria hasn’t existed since 1962, so why so much hatred still?

First of all 1962 is 61 years ago. You’re saying it as if it was centuries ago and nobody was alive anymore. My grandparents who are very much alive Al hamdulilah were born under French colonialism. I’m 29 and I saw the consequences of French tortures on my great grandpa with my own eyes (they cut off some of his fingers) as I was lucky enough to meet him (he died when I was 8-9) This is not some ancient event that has no consequences anymore on people. It still has consequences on the country and on the people. Like you’re going to pretend that France didn’t have lynching against Algerians until the 90’s? You’re going to pretend anti Algerian racism is not so present in France that the French word for a racist attack/lynching (ratonnade) is not a mix between an anti Algerian slur and the word “beating”?

Now to answer your question.

We don’t hate the French they hate us that’s different. Algerians don’t give a flying fuck about France. Algerians would want few things more than pretend France doesn’t exist.

But France hate us and resent us for taking our independence. Are we supposed to stay silent when France says we should be grateful for colonialism? Are we supposed to stay silent when they say we should be apologizing not them? Are we supposed to stay silent when absolutely nobody got punished for what they did to Algerians and that they actually got rewarded? Are we supposed to stay silent when the remains of our ancestors (some of them children) are still kept and exposed in French museums despite asking to get them back? Are we supposed to stay silent when France still has our archives including the ones before they colonized Algeria and still refuse to give us those archives? Are we supposed to stay silent when they say the trauma of their colonizers grandparents leaving Algeria is worst than the trauma of our grandparents seeing their loved ones being killed, tortured, raped? Are we suddenly pretending transgenerational trauma doesn’t exist and that 132 years of colonialism and the denial of the horrors committed, worst than the denial switching the blame, has no consequences on Algerians today? My grandpa still sleeps with a shotgun because of the trauma. My father left Algeria because his mother was so traumatized by what the French did during the war of liberation (they killed one of her child, he wasn’t 2 years old yet) that when the civil war started she told my dad to leave cause she didn’t want to lose an other child.

Now do you plan on asking French people why they hate Algerians or do you keep your questioning to Algerians only? We don’t hate France but if we did we would have every single right to.

Lastly if I was a Jewish woman posting about Nazis Germany and antisemitism in present Germany as well as Neonazis would you have felt you have the right to ask me why I still have issues with it cause it happened in 1945? Unless you’re a racist scum you wouldn’t have done it cause you know how horrific the holocaust was and how fucked up it would be to question the feelings of descendants of survivors (I’m still giving you the benefit of the doubt maybe your ask was genuine and you didn’t know any better). So why do you think you have the right to question how Algerians feel about France?

[rihabe]

hello! ♥

hiiii everyoneeee i am not new, this is carly, (bejoomi/benayoung) back with that new muse i was talking about when i dropped ahyoung, may she rest in piece. i believe riha is the girl muse that has Spoken To Me the most of any girl i've ever had, so i have high hopes of her sticking around and also breathing some much needed new life into my time rping! third time for a third muse is the charm right 😭

here is miss riha's about page that has everything you could hope to know about her! tbh i think some things have changed since i made it so i will be...reviewing it and updating it shortly. i'll give some info about her and some plot ideas under the cut as well, so defer to this for now! please like this if you'd like to plot w riha ♥ tyty i am excited!

ABOUT

riha was born in seoul, '00 liner, softest scorpio you will ever meet

she has an older brother and younger sister. her mom started having kids quite young. her dream was to become a musician but she had to give it up to be a Mom (and also a waitress, get that money etc etc)

riha's dad is a pro football (soccer) player, he was up and coming when she was born but is quite popular now

her family was actually normal for the most part [gasp] dad was a bit absent because he was more interested in his career but he wasn't a bad guy

riha's maternal grandparents took care of the kids a lot but grandma passed away when riha was quite young and didn't rly understand what was going on

dad put all the kids into Active Things as early as he could and mom fell in love with a Sports Guy so she was all for it too

riha got put in ballet but her brother was in Rough Sports and riha was like no. i wanna do that. if i bite one of the girls in my dance class will it prove i'm tough enough for soccer

eventually the parentals relented and bitch was and is so indecisive she tried Everything

she liked soccer most but ended up playing tennis, volleyball, and swimming most bc #misogyny

she was very friendly growing up, did quite well in school, but wasn't Spectacular u know

she really came into her own in high school when she tried out for the volleyball team and got on and became absolutely obsessed w it

she got her First Real Boyfriend in her second year and they were like The Real Deal and way more mature and deep than your average high school rls

riha loved him but then she got a crush on a girl eventually and had a meltdown because it Hit Different u know. The Lesbianism....

it wasn't until her last year of hs that she finally told her bf and broke up with him she was actually so heartbroken over it she cried so much but she told him everything (and that she is a lesbian) and he was an angel and understanding but clearly devastated and that made it worse

so riha decided to be very mature and run away <3 to uni in california KJLDLKJJKLDG

she was like hi my parents this school's volleyball team is very good and well known and they have a good kinesiology program i think this would be a great opportunity for me (:

and they were like ok sweetie if that's what you want to do

so she did it

with the power of english classes and gossip girl on her side she loved it there. and she made it onto the volleyball team but also played beach volleyball. probably got a crush on her beach volleyball partner. gay ass

she spent a lot of time on social media to keep in touch w people back in sk but also got into Fandom Twitter and she's a hot mess so her account was also a mess. her interests are everywhere. but she also made friends everywhere!

( illness tw ) in her last year of uni her mom got cancer and riha almost dropped out to go home and support her but her mom insisted she finish her degree so she did

and once she graduated went home asap

( death tw ) her mom ended up passing away last year, her health deteriorated pretty quickly once riha got back to korea

after her mom died she had no idea what to do with her life because she still loved sports but didn't know how to make that her career and he could go back to school and become a physical therapist or a pe teacher or something blah blah blah

but it didn't take her long to decide that she actually wanted to achieve her mom's dream of being a musician to honor her

in the meantime tho she's a personal trainer at her local gym! and she might pick up some other jobs too we'll see.

she is pretty much a Music Newbie, she learned how to play guitar from her mom and she always loved music but was never a singer or anything

she decided to go down the kpop path because becoming an indie musician or whatever seemed way more overwhelming than becoming a trainee LMAO like "ok all i have to do is get signed to a company and they'll teach me everything right???"

she is still a sports girlie. catch her at the gym even when she's not working but also on the tennis courts and at the pool and probably in a volleyball league and

she got a dog AND a motorcycle after her mom died to cheer herself up LMAO but it helped! she loves miso (the dog) and the unnamed motorcycle because she cannot decide on a name for it even though it's been a year or something

PLOT IDEAS

her ex bf. will be very picky about this but would love to have the plot!!

in the same vein, the first girl she got a crush on that gave her a crisis. this is more open but still important

i haven't said exactly where she went to school in cali so anyone that went to uni there, they could've gone to the same uni!

people she's played sports with. tennis doubles partner, co-ed kickball team, person that is annoyed because she somehow always manages to beat them to the best lane in the pool, etc

people she's training at the gym??

she can physically fight people. she is a 4th degree taekwondo black belt so maybe she absolutely kicked a guy's ass for you one time or something

alternatively you're obsessed w her bc she has a motorcycle and could probably be a stunt double she is a badass tbh

alternatively she is obsessed with you because you're a cute girl but it probably only lasts for five minutes because she's wishy-washier than mr clean

maybe a guy that she also thinks is really cute and is really fond of to give her ANOTHER crisis because she's not 100% confident in her lesbianism. it be like that sometimes....will also be picky about this but it would be fun!

she loves clubbing and somehow always ends up taking care of some drunk girl in the bathroom so there's that

she's a casual gamer too! but she's also very competitive! so it's like, she'll play once a week but depending on the game she'll get super into it and intense about it and then be like that was fun (: afterward. so fellow gamers? she's not that good tbh

would love for her to get mansplained to at the gym or something. and she can just be like wow thanks (: actually you're wrong abt that one thing u said teehee

plots related to her puppy miso!

she also runs and stuff so running partners, ppl she always sees on her running route, etc

okay i'm sure you've had enough of me now. oh my god. ok. please plot w me i'd be happy to brainstorm anything 🫶

[sufandomgirl]

Nimona One-Shot 4

{Nimona couldn't explain the joy that she felt holding this little bundle of baby that Ballister and Ambrosius felt the need to get a couple of years after they got married. Wasn't she enough chaos for them? She tilted her head, raising a brow.}

Nimona: Why do you have this thing?

Ballister: Because you kind of changed my mind about having kids. Doesn't mean that you weren't enough, Nimona. He's your new brother, if you'll let him be.

Nimona: (turns attention back to cooing baby) I haven't had anything close to a brother in a millennium. That...didn't go so well with the way people were back then. (looks at little one who laughs) After that, people didn't really make a habit of letting me this close to their children.

Ambrosius: That's...horrible. (silent for a minute) Well, Nathan seems to like you. Maybe that's a start.

Ballister: (chuckles) Yeah. We can't get him to stop crying even if we meet all his needs, but once you pick him up and either start rocking him or bouncing him, he's happy. I'm jealous.

Nimona: I thought that he was a bundle of laundry at first that I'd left out, I didn't know that you swaddled infants like that. When I could see them back then, their blankets were nearly falling off of them, and they nearly froze to death. The parents didn't want to 'spoil' them so much. Until Nathan started laughing when I picked him up, I couldn't tell.

Ambrosius: (disgusted) What would be spoiling them, not letting them get hypothermia?! Not letting them die?!

Nimona: Exactly what I thought, Golden Boy. I was their 'monster', and I cared more about their infants' survival than they did. Your many times great-grandparents, Gl--HER children were the worst of them when it came to their babies. I'm surprised that your bloodline survived this long to be continued with Nathan. I'm not stupid, you two. The only reason that you wouldn't have discussed this with me beforehand and made more preparation was if you needed to take him, suddenly. So, who's the baby mama?

Ballister: (hisses)

Ambrosius: I promise you both that I never had a relationship with anyone other than Ballister. When my sexuality came up as a problem to me continuing the bloodline of Gloreth, I had to find an alternative. Apparently, without my knowledge, the bank that held that other option let my best genetic match use it, and she was impregnated with Nathan. She gave me custody--which was my first time hearing about him existing--when she started dating her boyfriend.

Nimona: Yikes. So, I guess it's better that he's here.

{Over time, Nimona grew to love Nathan and helped care for him. Sometimes, when she felt generous, she would babysit after being taught how to care for him properly. Only when they asked her, of course. It didn't matter to her whether he had Gloreth's blood or not. She still had issues with hearing her name, but she wouldn't take it out on her descendants, who had nothing to do with their issues after they knew that she wasn't a monster. Every once in a while, she would look up at Gloreth's statue when she got the stomach to. Wondering how it all went wrong between them. After Nathan was two, Ballister and Ambrosius had long discussed bringing another kid into the home. Nimona spoke up and said that since they all were challenged taking care of an infant, maybe they should wait until Nathan was a bit older to take on the responsibility of another child. Ballister and Ambrosius actually agreed. Even with the help of 1,000+ year old shapeshifter who knew their kingdom's most revered hero and founder, they struggled to care for an infant. They also never wanted Nimona to feel parentified or responsible for a child that THEY wanted. It wasn't until he was five that they all felt on board to adopt another one. This one's name was Emerald. A four-year-old girl whose parents tragically died in a car accident on their date night. Her grandparents' ill health had been deteriorating. Her parental siblings had significant others and children of their own and couldn't afford to take care of her without putting their family in danger of debt, no matter how badly they wanted to take her. So, despite her being initially afraid of Nimona, she was taught that she was just as much a sibling as Nathan was and never wanted to hurt her, though it took a little longer than her brother to easily play with Nimona when they shifted. Two years after her adoption, they welcomed Joanne as well, completing their family. By this time, Nathan was seven, Emerald was six, and Joanne was three. Nimona would kill for her siblings. They were all one big, happy family. Ballister and Ambrosius were so happy with them.}

[frazzledsoul]

literati fics: a frazzled curated list

So there’s been a lot of talk on my feed about “fandom coming back” (it left?) and needing to create user-curated lists of fanfic instead of relying on authors to plug their fics.

Well, this is cheating, because I’m going to plug my own fics, too, but I’ve mostly been reading literati fics for the past few years. I don’t see a lot of Luke/Lorelai fics even being written anymore (also, while I enjoy the fics, my opinions on those two are out of line with a lot of other fans) and I got really into reading lit fics about two years ago, kind of fell out of it, and fell back into in over the past few weeks. So with that behind us, this is what I have enjoyed.

Appreciation by ksfd89 : This is a post revival fic about Rory reconciling with Jess and going through the pregnancy and birth. It’s long, but it’s complete, and I have a soft spot for it as it was the first fic in this fandom that I really latched onto. I don’t think it’s on AO3 but I may be wrong.

the weight we carry by @scoopsgf: This is basically a novel of Jess’s life story, from right before he shows up on the show to a few years past the revival. I love, love, love it and am rereading it right now. It does a great job of writing in canon and also filling in the gaps when Jess was offscreen.

wrapped up in books by @scoopsgf: This starts as a season 6 fix it where Rory reconcile with Jess after the meeting at Truncheon but then (spoiler alert) Rory winds up pregnant with twins right as she graduates from Yale. I got to the end of the first part and I was like wutttttttt but the concept actually works?!? So it’s basically Rory and Jess being adorable hipster parents in NYC.

A Society Affair by Ultra: Rory has been raised in her grandparents world when she hooks up with Jess, who is Hep Alien’s band manager. I don’t see this author talked about much here, but they’re responsible for a gazillion Lit fics. Anyway, this is very cute and features a lot of the Chilton/Yale crew as supporting characters without villainizing them.

Met You At The Right Time by @windowsandfeelings: So I really hadn’t read fic for over a year until I came across this one a little over a month ago and got super hyperfixated on this ship as a result of it. Rory becomes unstuck in time the day after her mother’s wedding and starts revisiting points in her past. Makes excellent (and I do mean excellent) use of the lack of info given to us about that eight year gap between the OS and AYITL.

Harvest Moon by @mrsmess: I had heard about this fic for years but never checked it out because well, I guess I’m a moron. Rory and Jess reunite at Luke’s cabin after her grandfather dies. I don’t know why I avoided it so long because I’m a hick and have spent half my weekends at a lakeside cabin since I was a teenager so you would think this would be right what I want in a fic and yeah, it absolutely is. So again, I’m a moron for not reading this sooner. The sequels are great, too.

Starstuck by @mrsmess: Rory and Jess get stuck in a Groundhogs Day time loop the day of the firelight festival in season 4 and have to get themselves out. I loved, loved, loved this concept and devoured the story in an hour or so.

The Long and Winding Road by @stellaluna33: Rory comes to some realizations about Jess as she becomes a mom. WIP, but I’ve very much enjoyed it so far.

If you didn’t see your fic on here, well, I probably didn’t read it yet. But these are my current favorites.

Onto my fics for this ship:

The Morning After: Jess and Rory hook up in Stars Hollow in the summer of 2012, and everyone finds out about it and talks the subject to death. I’m not sure if this qualifies as a Literati fic, honestly: I was less interested when I wrote it in the actual sex itself than the blended family dynamics and filling in some of the plot holes and unexplained stray comments from AYITL (and there were a lot of them). My thinking was that it would be interesting if Jess’s complaint that Luke didn’t give him the wifi password for six months “and I lived here!” was not a reference to the distant past, but an indication that his business failed and he had to come back to Stars Hollow for a while and hooked up with Rory when she was newly freelancing and starting to unravel. I was going to write a sequel where Jess wrote a mosaic novel in part based on Luke and Lorelai’s relationship and got his shit together professionally as a result, but I never did (oops).  Anyway, this exists, it’s complete, but it’s a got an unsatisfactory ending as it is canon compliant. Also, there are a lot of banjo jokes.

A Simple Twist of Fate:  Jess and Rory are reeling from recent breakups of long-term relationships when they reconcile on Emily Gilmore’s living room floor (niiiiice). How will their new relationship handle the pregnancy that ensues? I’ve gone round and round on this on this blog because I didn’t realize until I wrote it what an outlier it was to have Jess deeply involved with someone else (and oh, yeah, it’s written in Rory’s first person POV. Was I high when I decided to do that? Anyway). It’s twenty six chapters of angst and ponderous conversations about miscarriage, guilt, and depression, with some fluff mixed in. Currently unfinished.

Home: It’s a fast forward of A Simple Twist of Fate. Drabbles about Rory and Jess raising their daughter in Philadelphia. I’m currently working on a chapter about the I-95 bridge collapse (what a cheery subject!) 

Blueberry Pancakes: Okay, so a long time ago I started a story called Full Circle (it’s in my fic list, but I’m not linking it here because the Literati part so far is basically nonexistent). The idea was that Rory would have lots of romantic misadventures while on the campaign trail while Luke and Lorelai would go to therapy and get married and have babies and do all the conventional stuff. Rory would settle down with Jess and at some point Lorelai and Rory would be pregnant at the same time. This drabble takes place in the world of that story, which is why I’m including it here. The drabble French Fries also takes place in that universe, but Rory and Jess don’t actually appear (although their daughter does).

(Fair warning: the previous two drabbles are in a drabble list where I wrote stories about multiple ships, including Rory and Logan. So yeah, if you read the whole thing through you may get it from the other side. I’ve also re-ordered my canon compliant fics so they appear in a series, and there’s some Rory/Logan stuff in there as well, including the last fic I wrote. They are not endgame, but I haven’t written the stories where Jess wins the ship war. So it is what it is).

[the-director]

I just finished natla with my grandparents I have some thoughts specifically with the ending of the season.

First positives:

I'm glad they kept irohs line "whatever you do to it [the moon spirit] I will unleash upon you tenfold"

The color grading was cool!

Uhm... I like kuruk?

Unfortunately. That's all the positives I got in me.

Now cons:

I was missing. A handful of great lines. These include but are not limited to: "you rise with the moon, I rise with the sun", "azula was born lucky, my father said I was lucky to be born", "it's time for me to give it back", "it's just that, ever since my son died-" "uncle you don't have to say it" "I think of you as my own" "I know uncle, we'll meet again"

Are they just. Getting rid of the Wan shi tong library entirely? That was where Zhao got the information about the moon and ocean spirits, and where they learn of the comet. But if the fire sages have all that won't team avatar just be able to go back there? And plus with Wan shi tong no longer remaining in the material world...

I don't get why the "moon and ocean spirits only appear in the material world during one night" thing had to exist. Why can't spirits just exist in the material world? Why do they want the world's to be so separate, the point is that while they may seem separate they are more interlinked than anyone could know.

I CANT BELIEVE THEY DIDNT BRING UP THE ENGAGEMENT NECKLACE AND GRAN GRAN COMING FROM THE NORTHERN WATER TRIBE.

Also I really. Just. Disagree with this version of Yue. She is! Completely different! The point of Yue is that her giving her life back was her destiny, an act of service for her people. Just the same as her engagement that she went willing even though it hurt. Why is her sacrificing her life some rebellious action? Why is it noble? It's tragic! This young girl dying is devastating! But it had to happen.

I don't get why she wasn't a stillborn either. It's literally implied in the cartoon "most babies cry when theyre born, but I was born as if I were asleep, my eyes closed " AKA SHE WAS DEAD, NO SOUL. I don't get why a more "mature" live action instead has to be like "oh yeah she was alive, it's just that she was sick"

Also will forever miss team avatar saving zuko, as well as sokkas line about how zuko never gives up.

As well as Zhao being taken by the ocean spirit, zuko trying to save him, but Zhao refusing help. THAT SCENE SPOKE SO MUCH TO WHO ZUKO IS. AND WHO ZHAO IS.

Okay actually I do have one positive, I like katara talking to aang in the end and calming him down (but really, that's just like. Bare minimum katara talking aang out of avatar state moment)

[mysterycharacterflowers]

A bouquet of red spider lillies, forget-me-nots, purple hyacinth, deadly nightshades and white lillies VS Ornithogalum

First, let's talk about the bouquet of red spider lilies, forget-me-nots, purple hyacinth, deadly nightshades and white lilies

Why these flowers were chosen and their meaning: Spider lillies: Death, final goodbyes etc. Often used in funerals and grown around cemeteries. | Forget-me-nots: self-explanatory, but also a symbol of true love. Which in this case is subverted. | Purple hyacinth: deep sorrow, regret and a desire for forgiveness. I think this one's particularly interesting because it doesn't symbolize her directly but is, rather, very strongly tied to the impact her death had. | Deadly nightshade: also self-explanatory. Symbolises betrayal. In addition -- a plant that's (both in her universe and ours) historically been used for its poisonous properties. | White lillies: purity of the departed, when talking about death. Also for white of snow. Four out of five flowers here are a popular choice for funerals/are associated with death. She died really young, betrayed, at the hands of the person she loved and trusted a lot, so I thought it would be fitting. Also in terms of color -- all of these together in a boquet would look like a splatter of blood on snowy and rocky terrain, which is fitting to the circumstances of her death as well. Description: This character died more than three thousand years the story she is from takes place. She is related to the protagonists in two ways: first is that she's probably their great-...-great grandparent's sister. Second is that they [...] look very similar to her in terms of facial features. This is significant because the guy who killed her ends up surviving and meeting them. He's a changed man at that point. [...] indirectly, she also saved her great-..-nephew's life at least once. She lives on, very strongly, in her killer's (former lover's) memory. It's not a "haunting" or even "regret or sorrow" sort of thing, per se, but it is there. What matters the most is that he denies himself the thoughts of her because he can't admit to making a (ginormous) mistake and also because even if he wanted forgiveness, there's no one left to give it. So he just represses it further. So that guy could become what he wanted to become above all else, one had to give up what they treasured most -- could be a thing, a person, or an action. So her killer had to trick her and then carve out her heart and eat it in order to prove his loyalty to his overlords and gain what he desired. Problem is -- he ended up detesting that as well (for other reasons). So not only was her death tragic, it was also essentially for nothing. Her actual personality has been erased through time (fancy for "she's defined more by the impact she's made rather than by her actual self") but she did have an affinity for magic and was also very fond of crows. TLDR: woman killed, influences the rest of the story in many unforseen ways, gives killer ptsd which he denies having for the rest of his extremely long life until he doesn't

Check her post here for the full description

Now, let's talk about the Ornithogalum

Meaning and why this flower was chosen: Ornithogalum (also known as Star of Bethlehem) symbolises innocence and purity, as well as atonement and death. Also Jesus lol. Which is fitting as this character is a good person who believes they're a bad person. They're both the hero of the story and a sacrificial lamb, trying to live up to their father's legacy. Description: Oh god, my buddy [redacted]. They're convinced they're a bad person who needs to be punished, when really they're a selfless hero with the kindest heart imaginable. Once symbolically murdered themself in a dream, and consequentially changed their milkshake order to symbolise they were a changed person. Has been a firefighter, teacher, construction worker. Pro-union. Once got kissed by a guy and then immediately stabbed by him as part of a fucked up dnd game. Believes a game of football could fix the prison system. The narrator is in love with them.

Check their post here

[bxdcubes]

if it’s to end in fire [bilbo/fili]

oh hey, smth for @sharktofu

canonical character death, my boo, but i think you won’t mind

--

When Fili wakes in the Halls he is surrounded by kin. He meets the father he barely remembered, the uncle he knew more from tale than memory, his grandparents and ancestors - they're all there to greet him. But so is Thorin. And so is his brother.

As happy as Fili is never to be parted with Kili he mourns the life his younger sibling never got to live. And he mourns for his mother, left completely alone until her own time comes, her sons breaking the one oath they swore.

Fili can already feel how his ears will be boxed and how heavy her scowl will be, yet he hopes Dis will get to have some peace and happiness before she joins them.

No one else in the Company is there with them and doesn't follow in the days to come and that warms Fili's heart. Gives him hope that they all survived and the battle was won. Thorin's last memory was of the eagles and Bilbo, of being forgiven by their Burglar and it’s that that truly breaks Fili's heart.

He never got the chance to make his apologies. He caught only a glimpse of the hobbit on the battlefield before he'd been slain. And last they had actually seen each other Fili almost allowed his uncle to throw him from the battlements.

It's his greatest regret - the things that remained unsaid to the very end, things he'll never get to tell his hobbit. Mahal's Halls aren't meant for hobbits even if they are the children of their Maker's wife.

But then again, Bilbo Baggins was no ordinary hobbit, was he?

It takes over sixty years in the world of the living and an eternity equal to the blink of an eye in the Halls but suddenly there he is. Appearing in the midst of the great dining hall as if he was just popping in for dinner, healthy and smiling in his red coat, all his buttons in order and just as young as Fili remembered him. Just as beautiful and dear.

"I've been searching for you!" is what he tells Fili, once the once-prince finally manages to pull him away from his bewildered kin. "These halls are absolutely confusing!"

Fili should ask him how he managed to get here for the Gardens, tell him that he's glad he's here, that he hopes he led a happy and plentiful life. He should apologize for what the gold sickness made of him, for the time they lost. He should maybe even ask how long they had before Bilbo would have to leave.

But they've lost so much time already, been apart for more than a lifetime and if it's Fili's last chance, this miracle, he'll make the best of it.

He silences Bilbo with a kiss, interrupting a tirade about something or other, but all that matters in the end is that Bilbo's hands find his. And that his hobbit kisses him back.

--

don’t come for me, i never wrote for the hobbit or lotr.

[thecandywrites]

Hey, so @borealwrites and everyone else who is following me for Monster March and I'm literally only a few away from finishing it in FREAKING MAY...

The reason I've been unusually sporadic at best for the last few weeks is my husband's grandma is dying. For the last week she's been in the hospital as we've watched on as her kidneys died while her heart is starting to go.

She is in her 90's. Her husband, unfortunately has already died 20 years ago. In fact it was because Grandpa Don died. That I ever got to meet my husband in the first place. It's a cute story actually. But I basically want to stick to this right now.

The house she has always lived in is the same farm house she and her husband built together after WW2. It's the same house where they had a family, and a farm and had horses and cows and all that. They still have herd of mustang appaloosas, the father, the stud is named Eagle. And is still in the front pasture to be seen out of her window that he's always been in for the last 30 years.

She was finally moved home yesterday so that she can pass peacefully at home, the home she hep build with her husband with thier own hands. She has round the clock hospice care and is on pain killers to keep her as comfortable as possible. She is laying in the same bed she shared with Don and would have been married 63 years this year.

Two years ago, when my parents dropped everything to go out to Arizona so that my grandfather could pass peacefully at home, I made a good humored teasing remark to my husband that we were in a race to see who would lose their grandparents first. I had my mother's parents (because my father's parents have already passed). He had only his grandmothers and a great uncle. And here in a few hours, he will have won the race. And it was not a race we ever wanted to run in or really compete in either. But one we've had no choice but to run in anyway.

Grandma Ruth will officially be death number 17 in our friend and family circle since this “race" began 2 years ago. And I really, really hope that it will be a while before the next death hits us. But with such a track record, my gut says 'doubt it'.

So sorry to keep everyone waiting but everything is literally falling apart all around me and I have to keep it together for everyone else and obviously all of this takes priority.

So keep me and my family in your thoughts and prayers - but only if you are inclined or have any religious beliefs yourself. I don't want anyone to push thseves to do something they are not comfortable doing.

But I wanted you all to know. Just FYI. Thank you.

[amynchan]

Before I moved, I finally got to visit great-grandma's grave. I finally got the location, and I finally got to go down and see her. I never met great-grandpa, but I did meet great-grandma. To be honest, I don't have vivid memories of my own. Whatever I do remember is always assisted by a picture.

But I remember that she loved me. I remember that she cared, and I felt that care. I felt it so, so, so much. That's why it hurt when no one told me she'd died and been dead for three days and I wasn't allowed to go to her funeral. She was just gone one day, and I can't even remember how traumatic that is, but I can feel echoes of it.

But I got to finally see her grave site. To be honest, I didn't know what I'd say. I dreamed of the moment for forever. I imagined telling her about myself and about how I've grown up. I imagined that I'd feel her pride in me.

I did. I thought it over and over and over again. But what happened was actually different.

First, my grandma and grandpa and I kinda... went on an adventure finding her grave site. We went up and down and walked all over that graveyard to find her. I figured they'd know where she was like the back of their hand, but it turns out that the landmarking tree they used back then has since been cut down, and the lake was redone. The landscape was as confusing to them as it was to me, so we searched for ages for those headstones.

When we finally found them (because obviously great-grandma is buried next to great-grandpa), I helped grandma wipe off their name plates. They weren't dirty by any means, but we were able to make them glisten again. At that point, I knew where they were, so I didn't really feel the need to say anything at that point. For the first time in ages, I felt I could relax about it.

She was there. I finally knew where she was.

So my grandparents and I left that day, and I came back, alone, the next week. I didn't have to pick over all of the graveyard again. I remembered where she was, and I went back with an umbrella, because the last time I stayed outside to pay respects to someone no longer in this world, I got second degree burns on my shoulders from the sun.

So. Finally. I was finally there. it had been over twenty years, I think. She died in 2001. I always thought I'd feel satisfied telling her about my life, so I started off with that.

But it didn't feel right. Not really.

So I stopped sticking to the script. I went off a bit. I remember telling her that I missed her and that there were times I really wanted her back, but that didn't make me feel much better.

It wasn't until I started telling her about my siblings that I started feeling better. She'd met my younger sister, but she had never met my youngest sibling. When I realized that she'd never met someone I consider so wholly important to me, I had to tell her about them.

Then I realized that she never knew how many great grandchildren she has. She's got at least 13 now. When she died, she had 3-4. I spent a long time catching her up. Telling her about the strengths of each of her grandbabies.

Because I know. I know that if she met them, she would have loved each of them the way she loved me. I just know it. She would love every little rascal, every confident stride, every proud picture, every bruised knee and harmless bonk. She would have adored each of them in different ways. It's important that she heard about them.

She never got to watch my sister grow her cunning and her care. She's more emotionally agile and intelligent than most of us. She never got to watch my brother grow out of his 'cooties' phase. He's got the biggest heart and throws himself into helping people so much that I honestly worry about him sometimes. She never got to watch me find my place. It was a long journey, but I think she'd be proud of who I am now. She never got to meet anyone else; know their names or learn their hobbies or likes or dislikes. But when I sat at her grave and told her about them. About each little name and face, about how important they are to me, it made me feel like she could see, just for a moment, how big and beautiful her family's become.

That's when I felt better. It wasn't that she left, I don't think. It was that no one told me, and I couldn't talk to her anymore. She was in a place I couldn't talk to her; I couldn't tell her about joyful things anymore. After that, and knowing what I've been told about my own reaction to her passing, I'm pretty sure that's it. I missed telling her about joyful things.

I know that she's not in her body anymore. Wherever she is, she's not there. But being able to put a distinct place to her. To say that 'you are here, and I can talk to you here' was so important. And it took me a while to figure out what I wanted to say, but I'm glad that I finally was gifted the time to do that.

I miss her sometimes; I always will. But it doesn't hurt anymore. I was able to tell her about how beautiful life is. About how much we've grown, and I know, deep in me, that she's proud.

of me. of us. of all of us.

And that's just. A gift.

[hanarchy]

5, 8, 11, 15, 31, 45 😘🎉

My precious love, hi di!!

5. Most precious item you own.

This one is so Popular!! It's the SKZ Hoodie, it's so comfortable and comforting! Also the Chagall print I took from my Grandparents Holiday House when they sold it.

8. What’s a hobby you want to pick up?

I have picked up so many hobbies, the problem is keeping them picked up. Right now there's nothing really big though I am on the waitlist for a Lindy Hop intro class and also contemplating starting weightlifting bc I would like to be strong lol.

11. Are there any recurring themes in your dreams?

I don't really ever remember enough of my dreams to know :/

15. How do you show affection?

Largely thru tumblr asks lol. Also if I could I would cook for all my friends. I love making warm, homey things in big batches.

31. A lyric that feels like it was written specifically for you/about you.

Gotta give it to Alex Turner again, bc I always fucking have to, fuck that guy. From 'Love is a Laserquest', which is a stupid title for a song with really fucking great lyrics imo

'Do you still feel younger than you thought you would by now? Or darling have you started feeling old yet?'

'And do you look into the mirror to remind yourself you're there or have somebody's goodnight kisses got that covered?'

'When I'm hanging on by the rings around my eyes...'

41. Tell me about a time someone was gentle with you.

This is a rough question to answer atm bc gentle is not a very german behavior in general and also bc I'm feeling lonely but maybe I can talk about my friend Julia. I'm really awkward in new situations and I am a terrible dancer and physical activity makes me incredibly self conscious which makes both of these things worse. When we were in Munich together Julia took me with her to a swing dance night, which is something she does and has done for a while. She ended up meeting an old friend from when she danced in college and it was very sweet. And even though I was only sitting on the sidelines and being awkward and didn't even have money to buy us a drink, she made sure to include me but didn't make me feel bad for just sitting there. I ended up actually doing two dances, both not great I'm sure but she and her friend were so encouraging and I had a great night even though it was a situation tailor made to be my personal hell. Now I'm actually gonna try to start dancing!

[aewrie]

i've had this thought ruminating and i'm attempting to words

wrt "i cannot be traumatized, i never show any signs of being traumatized" and then years and years later i find myself researching things for No Particular Reason

i have an example situation but throwing under cut bc long + talk about child death

so.

when my baby brother (same dad, different mom) died my grieving process looked like me crying for maybe two minutes when i got the news, and then i was done. my other brother and i did not get to go to the funeral or anything (not sure what my dad's logic behind that was). we did get to make a 'final message' to be burned with him for the urn. that was nice, but that was also just one relatively small thing. i don't remember how long it was before we even visited the grave with my dad.

this was the first time in my life that i was old enough to really understand and remember a family member dying. with my great grandparents i was so young i barely remember the ones i did meet.

it was never really discussed. my mom was the only one who even asked if i was doing ok or wanted to talk. and i just say nah i'm good. the only other time any relative brought it up was months, maybe a year later when i was visiting my (paternal) grandma and she said how she believed juho never talked bc he 'knew' he was 'only visiting'. which i said nothing to bc it was helping her grieve i guess, but this was basically the only time i remember anyone acknowledging him not talking and it weirded me out tbh.

(he was almost four. i don't remember at which point it clicked that oh yeah kids usually talk at least a little by then. no fucking clue if it was ever looked into. im like 99% sure he did vocalize some, but didn't even cry/laugh/etc much? i actually struggle remembering him doing so. he was very quiet even beyond not talking.)

about a year after his death at school we had a writing assignment to make a short autobiography and like. of course i mention this! two fucking years of a sibling dealing with cancer that unfortunately ended in death kinda was a notable part of my life at that point. and when we got graded and my teacher had added a note on the margins offering condolences and i was weirded out bc i didn't know how to deal with that. i just felt like i should comfort this completely unrelated person bc i'm Totally Fine and there is no need for fussing about it, why should she feel sorry for me in the first place??

anyhow. it was this year that i bumped into videos about how to talk to kids about death and how well kids at a given age understand death and suddenly i was extra interested in death related stuff (certainly wasn't before /s). and i remember wondering, way back then, if juho understood what was going on, or if anyone even tried to explain anything to him.

(i started typing more but it was getting into actually upsetting enough territory that this would turn into a proper vent/rant so let's just leave it there for now.)

i've had to learn not to bottle up and repress everything as an adult. it's an. ongoing process. but like. this^ sort of things have been happening for a few years and then when it does and i connect some dots, and proceed sit there a bit like

(but like half the time only on the inside.)

like even now it's like. i'm fine? but at the same time not, not in the sense i thought, before it hit me how much this and that in fact did impact me while i was busy brushing everything upsetting aside for later (read: to never be thought about ever)

((also in case anyone's wondering bc hk is the dead baby pit fandom, i'm good, the dark humour etc is fine and probably helps tbh. been really thinking about dead and dying children for the first time in ages and do i have thoughts that have been marinating for a while lol.))

[zombielovescore]

I guess because it's late and I have been feeling a lot of emotions today, I'm in a ranting/rambling mood. I have also been drinking (a bit) and I have to take my cat in for dental surgery early tomorrow AND THAT IS ALSO STRESSING ME OUT because she is my child - but I am having thoughts about family.

Families are fucking messy. I don't know or understand why, but they are fucking messy stupid little things. And they shouldn't be, but they are.

I don't even know where I want to go with this post. I just have a lot of thoughts, but don't really know how to formulate any of them.

Like, you'd think a family would be a strong bond of unity between people of famial blood - and a lot of things tell you that it should be. Like, you hear that stupid addage of "blood is thicker than water" - nevermind that there is actually more to the quote, but that's not the point. Families are supposed to be a cohesive unit; they're supposed to work together, but does anyone actually have a family that isn't completely dysfunctional?

When I was growing up, I never knew anyone from my dad's side of the family. My dad left home when he was 18 and joined the army and married a Catholic girl that his parents didn't approve of - this was like the late '50s (for context: my father was much older than my mother - this woman was not my mother) and basically never really spoke to any of his siblings from that point on. My dad's parents died long before I was born. My dad had 3 daughters I had never met, and I only met 2 of them after my father had died. I have resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never meet the last one. I only met my dad's siblings after the only sibling of his I had contact with (again, after he died) died herself and I went to fucking Brantford, Ontario to go to her funeral. This is also where I met the second sister, as only one had come to Calgary for my dad's service.

So, in comparison, my mom's family seemed really fucking functional. I can't say I grew up with my cousins or my grandparents (my mom's side) because I did not. They all lived in the great lakes area of Ontario and we were in Alberta (also, I find it hilarious that both my parents are from Ontario but they both ended up in Calgary, of all places) but when I was young we would go out there every couple of summers and sometimes some of them would come visit us. Yadda, yadda. So I had my cousins, my aunts and uncles, my grandparents, and it was great - we will ignore the fact that I had an uncle I didn't like for reasons I will not get into here, but let's just say he's part of the current family drama, so quelle suprise there.

And I guess when you are a kid, you don't notice the drama going on around you. Because, why would you? Going to Ontario to visit the family was the absolute best. You had your grandparents, your favourite aunt and uncle, you got to swim at the lakes in cottage country- it was fucking awesome.

Anyways, drama llama, fast forward years later, and you start to learn shit you didn't know. You now know things about people who you thought were absolute paragons of Great People. And this sounds omnious, like I'm leading up to a horrible family secret and I'm really not, but you learn that people, even your family, kind of suck.

None of this really came to light until I was in my mid-20s and my grandfather was dying. We had long since stopped "family summer vacation" because all us kids (my mom's kids) were adults and working and it just wasn't a thing anymore. So, whatever, my mom was there, I went there because at the time I was at a job that would actually let me have time off, one of my brothers was living in Ottawa at the time, so he was there. My grandfather died, we had the funeral, and then shit hit the fan.

So, my mother and her brother, were the POAs of financial and medical, respectively, for my grandparents. My mom's oldest sister was absolutely pissed she was not the POA of my grandfather's financials. My mother is a registered accountant, which is why her father chose her. Apparently, this rubbed my aunt the wrong way. Also, apparently, the reason the same said sister was not chosen as POA for health was because my grandfather thought that she would basically let my grandmother die. So, yes, my grandfather, my eldest aunt's very own father, did not chose her as POA for health because he thought she'd let her own mother die, because apparently (according to my mother) she didn't like her. I feel like that says a lot, but nevermind. So, when my grandfather died - my aunt was beyond pissed, and they (being the aunt, her husband- the one I don't like - and her daughter) tried to force their way into my grandparent's house (which my uncle was living in at the time, but owned by my mom) to look through his stuff. And later, this same aunt decided to get my other aunt into a pact where they decided they would not speak to my mom - this was over money. They were mad because apparently they thought my mom was hiding all the assets, completely disregarding the fact that everything went to my grandmother until she died (I am happy to report at this time, almost 7 years later, she is 94 years old and still going strong - if very addled with dementia. She may not know who anyone is, but god damn if that woman can't find a way to escape the locked dementia ward of a senior's home).

So, the short of that is two of my mother's sisters decide to simply stop speaking to her because of money issues that were not even hers to control, other than she had to act according to the will seeing as that's basically how wills work. This was exacerbated by aforementioned least favourite uncle (also said aunt's husband, which I think I mentioned) - who, I learned after the fact, was a complete asshole to my grandfather, and also who basically spent my grandfather's reception at the Legion in Trenton getting drunk with his friends instead of actually spending time with the grieving family - I didn't read too much into it at the time because I was, you know, grieving, as people do at funerals.

So, fast forward now and my mother and one of her sisters have since made up, because her husband had ALS and was actively dying - this is the uncle who is passing away in a few days. The eldest aunt my my mom are still not on speaking terms. But basically, fuck them. If she and TerribleUncle Whom I Have Never Liked want to continue to be assholes, I have suffered no loss.

Anyways, I have learned a lot about my aunt, who my mother is now speaking to, and my uncle who is currently dying in the last few years. These used to be my favourite aunt and uncle. My uncle, in particular, would always take us out on the lake in his boat and it was so awesome. We would go and collect lilypads and bring them back to shore. I absolutely loved this guy. And I still do, honestly, because it's hard to reconcile the people you knew them as with the people you learn that they are. But I learned that both of them actively emotionally abused their eldest daughter and would treat her like shit, while their youngest daughter could basically never do anything wrong. This is why she left home and basically never came back.

I never knew any of this until my mom told me, and I'm one of the only people who still keeps in contact with this cousin, and though she doesn't actively say anything about it, I've learned a lot from her responses and about how in the dark she was about her dad's diagnosis. Literally no one, not her mom, not her dad, not her sister was taking to her. And it took her dad, several years after receiving a terminal diagnosis, when he was actively in full decline, to finally reach out to her and tell her that he was dying. And even now, when he is literally receiving medical assistance to die in a day, he was the only one who bothered to reach out and tell her. Her mother, my aunt, didn't call her, her sister didn't call her. And like, that's a level of fucked up I can't even begin to comprehend. I don't particularly get along with my older brother, but I still fucking called him when my dad died.

And this post really got away from me and it is absolutely way too long and rambling, but I guess the basic gist of it is, is that even if you think your family isn't horrible and dysfunctional, it turns out that they kind of are???

And y'all, we haven't even gotten into the literal novel I could write about the dysfunction of my immediate family.

And I guess if anyone has actually read this and has a burning desire to know, the reason I dislike that particular uncle is because when I was a kid (like 4) he almost set me on fire (unintentional, probably), but also I have a very vivid memory of when I was like maybe 9 and we were at their house in Ajax and I was arguing with my brothers about something (I don't remember what), but I remember they were in the other room and I was sitting at a computer desk and I said something (probably some dumb kid thing), and this fucking man burst into the room and fucking slapped me, very hard, across the face until I cried (intentional, definitely). He did not do the same to my brothers, who were also saying some dumb stupid kid things. And that basically coloured every interaction I've had with him since and made me wonder if he slapped his own daughter that way. (Probably not, because she is an entitled princess). And basically, you don't slap your own child that way, let alone somebody else's.

[biglisbonnews]

Meet Caterina Sforza and Other Warrior Queens History Forgot In Atlas Obscura’s Q&A series She Was There, we talk to female scholars who are writing long-forgotten women back into history. Horses neighed and fires crackled as Queen Tamar of Georgia walked among her troops on the eve of battle in July 1203. Her enemies outnumbered her soldiers nearly two to one. Still, the queen did not waver as she spoke words of courage to the assembled army. In a show of humility, she stood before them barefoot while wearing lavish garments full of religious symbolism to inspire a righteous bravery in all who saw her. As she finished her rousing speech, hardy, battle-worn soldiers stood, raised their spears, and shouted, “To our king!” The next day, the Georgian army decimated their foe. In the late 12th and early 13th centuries, Tamar the Great ushered in Georgia’s golden age. She expanded borders, oversaw massive architectural projects, and helped define the kingdom’s unique identity at the crossroads of East and West. She sat on war councils and, as one chronicler wrote, “took counsel with them, not like a helpless person, or a woman, and did not neglect the dictates of reason.” As father/daughter historians Jonathan and Emily Jordan demonstrate in their book, War Queens: Extraordinary Women Who Ruled the Battlefield, Tamar was far from history’s only warrior queen. The pair recently launched a new podcast (also called War Queens) where they dig into all the twists and bloody turns of Tamar’s story alongside other battle-hardened queens. Atlas Obscura sat down with Emily Jordan to talk about why Italian philosopher Niccolò Machiavelli had it out for her favorite fortress-seizing countess, an African queen who went toe-to-toe with Portuguese enslavers, and why so often these women’s stories go overlooked. How did you first become interested in history’s war queens? I grew up with my dad being a military history author. I looked up to him a lot for that. As I was growing up, we would play little writing games. He’d asked me in the car, “What's a good word for this?” That instilled a love for writing in me. So it started there. And I remember growing up, I would say, “Hey, were there any women who did these kinds of things?” I remember once I was visiting my grandparents and there was a news segment that was talking about Hillary Clinton possibly running for president, and it said, “Could a woman actually lead a country through a war?” And I said, “That is so stupid. Of course, they can.” And that's really the first time that my dad and I got together and were like, “Maybe we should write about this.” Who is your favorite person you highlight in the book or on the podcast? And why? I think in terms of courage, I'd have to say Caterina Sforza. She’s really just an incredible Renaissance woman. She learned all about medicine, botany. She got to interact with Botticelli and Da Vinci. She went to people during times of plague with medicines that she created and studied. My favorite story about her is when her husband's political interests were compromised when the pope died. Her husband was a paranoid, vicious man, but his family member was the pope. And when the pope passed away, that got Caterina thinking, “We may not be confirmed as the ruler of this city, of Imola.” So she rides down to Rome, while pregnant, in her early twenties, and she takes hold of this great fortress, Castel Sant'Angelo. The cardinals have to cross in front of the castle on this big bridge to get over to Vatican City. So she points the cannons right at them and says. “Rome, hold up. Stop. I'm in charge.” She stops all of Rome and stops the cardinals from electing a new pope until they confirm her and her husband's titles. The fact that she did this in her early twenties while pregnant is insane to me. Did any of these war queens have experience in battle? Queen Njinga Mbandi of Ndongo-Matamba [two African kingdoms located in present-day Angola] is by far the most physically capable of all the women we write about. Very few of our women really had a lot of hand-to-hand combat experience; Caterina Sforza had a little bit. But Njinga [sometimes spelled "Nzinga"] would charge into battle with her people. She lived during the 17th century and was the leader of her tribe. She had an older brother who was in power before her, but she was a better hand-to-hand combat fighter, leader, and diplomat, so she kind of takes charge. She was this amazing chameleon and takes on different types of cultures in order to unite her people. She was trained to do this martial art. It's linked to the Brazilian art of capoeira where you almost do dances as exercises, jumping side to side out of the way of arrows and bullets. Certain scholars even claim that a part of the art, called ginga [pronounced and sometimes spelled "jinga"], is named after her. Their main weapon was a form of battle axe, and she was really well-trained with that axe as well. How does history remember these women? A lot of history is affected by misogyny. It doesn't always necessarily come from the most hateful place, but oftentimes it does. There have been times when we were researching women and their own sons destroyed statues of them and records of their accomplishments because they didn't want their mother’s shadow hanging overhead. Hatshepsut is an excellent pharaoh we were going to write about but so much of her history was destroyed by her prodigy. Sometimes we get a few accounts of people who actually met these women. Caterina Sforza was a contemporary of Machiavelli, and he did not like her. And so he writes about her I think with a little bit of admiration, but with a little bit of distaste as well. Richard Nixon didn’t like Indira Gandhi because she was blunt, which meant she was to the point. She was great with her commanders. She was respected by them for those exact reasons. Caterina Sforza was not ladylike, according to Machiavelli, but she could do something daring and courageous. So I would definitely say views on women throughout time have affected how we see and remember them. What have you learned from studying history’s war queens? Have the courage to take up space. Once you tell yourself that, that you can achieve this position or this job or be an equal in a conversation that you're intimidated by, even if everyone is telling you you shouldn't be there, you can do it. See yourself in a place where maybe no one else has seen you. I work as a nurse and it can be really hard when you're new. A lot of the doctors are men. When I have to walk into a room and advocate for a patient, I think back to these women who marched into war rooms and said, “No, don't do this. Do that.” I think about that and I think I can do this too, and I walk in and ask for better care for someone. This interview has been edited for length and clarity. https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/war-warrior-queens-caterina-sforza