#I am being responsible with my money dont worry

[barnabyboppins]

So far I’ve commissioned or inquired about two of my friends, @loz-obsessed-person-i-guess, and I’ve bought like 9 posters, keychains or postcards from cool artists and poeple I’ve met and I want to keep this train going

My favourite part of all of these has been talking with every single person I’ve purchased from (online or in person) like bro it makes me really giddy

[pinkcasket]

really hate reading about how great transitioning is when I now medically can't! like good for you. it would actually cause me to have medical issues worse than dysphoria so I don't think it would make me very happy.

[gwaindrifter]

fuck

[the-bonfires-ember]

Friendship and ASPD

In a cluster b server I’m in, someone asked about how ASPD impacts friendships and I was encouraged to cross post my response on here so here we go.

Firstly, I’m going to go through how I figured out friendship and how to make it work for me starting from my lowest functioning point to where I am now.

So to begin with, I had no true circles. I floated between groups of people who could give me what I wanted in that moment and just manipulated them into giving it to me if my request alone was not satisfactory. Sometimes all I wanted was social camouflage, sometimes i wanted money or food or a distraction. It was arbitrary and there was no real long term plan - at least, when i was no longer in an environment where long term strategies were vital.

Eventually, as I started working on my recovery, I managed to maintain relationships that were exclusively online. The convenience in putting away my laptop and my social obligations disappearing along with it was immensely helpful and it gave me a way of experimenting with being a little more open and a little more attached that had no Real Life repercussions. It was still transactional, all my relationships still are to this day, but they started becoming less Obviously transactional. I was still getting physical, tangible stuff from people, but I was also getting support, a safe space to figure out how to relate to my emotions, and somewhere to practice empathy and other social skills like it. There was a lot of trial and error but when I ruined something in one space I could just start again somewhere else and not have to worry about the two overlapping.

Now that I am Recovered™️ sort of, I’ve developed Exceptions, who have at some point shown that they are trustworthy and nonjudgemental and understand the antisocial side of my personality and are happy to help me work around it. My symptoms sort of change around them. I don’t have remorse but with Exceptions I will feel a kind of visceral disgust directed at myself for how I could have hurt them like that and that will quite often spark a narc crash.

I decided a long time ago what I didn’t want to be, so throughout the entire process I was watching for patterns of behaviour that were harmful for the sake of being harmful. I created a quite intricate set of rules that I couldn’t loophole my way out of and that was very much an important factor in how I continued to develop my skills and ability to interact and maintain relationships.

I am still bad at a lot of stuff though. I don’t reach out to people, I never start conversations so a lot of people just disappear until I’m reminded of them. I’m also awful at vocalising appreciation and while I know logically that people like to help their friends, I constantly have an internal debate about whether I am taking advantage of people I don’t want to be taking advantage of (given that taking advantage of people tends to make them pissed off eventually). And there are days where I don’t want to be around anyone at all and thats ok. It’s better for me to let myself be by myself than to force myself to interact with people when I really dont want to.

Recognising where I lack skills and reflexes prosocials have has been a skill in and of itself and it took a long time to develop it. But it’s been worth it to me, I’m now able to experience and enjoy so many aspects of life I thought weren’t meant for me.

And I’m very smug about being able to get it despite it being implied I never would.

[uglifish]

🔒 i made a change

🔒I also checked off the box that hides me from search engines.

i am sorry if you are someone who reads without an account on-the-go, but generative AI is killing art and writing. If you really need me to explain why, please dm me and we will debate, or I will happily elaborate. 🔑 Thank you for your support so far. I know my updates have been spotty but rest assured, I will still write, and I will still update. Thank you for your comments on my most recent fic too!

🔑  All my stories are still available, no worries. I have not deleted anything.

🔒

My works are now only shown to registered users.

some people argue that this will prevent your works from being seen, so they'll risk the Ai bot scraping them to keep their works public.

🔒 well my response to that is: i dont care about exposure. I don't make art for fame, for money, or power. i make art for happiness, from curiosity, and for fun. If it's none of those three things, I will stop. Generative AI for art and writing is a soulless suckhole that kills all three of those creative conditions. It doesnt invite curiosity, it is not fun, and it doesn't evoke joy. Its joyless. Fight back. Protect your art. It's okay to go private.

[1eos]

hi miss kendra, i need some advice if you don't mind. your new job journey has inspired me to quit the fuckass job i'm sick of but the audhd hates to think of change, and i don't know if i should just go for a masters instead to jump up a level in the job market. or, would you suggest joining the girls in stem with a python course? i hate to see my degree (business) go to waste and have been avoiding smth in software bc of that but if the jobs are good i might have to bc i can NOT stay here any longer w no progression money wise.

i dont mind at all <3 the main reason why i will never leave tumblr is that if you curate it right this can really become a support group for audhd adults and we all help each other survive this sick ass world. bc wow that audhd response to change is sooooo hard to deal with in the workplace which sucks bc in this current climate changing jobs frequently kinda is the wave rn

but anyways advice. obvs i can't know exactly what's best for you but i will throw some questions that helped me figure out where to narrow my focus!

1st. to answer the question is i would suggest joining the girls in stem. absolutely! but don't limit your focus to a python course. the main reason i didnt get into stem earlier was that i didn't realize there were sooooo many different niches of stem and thought that just bc i didnt necessarily want to do 0s and 1s exclusively it wasn't for me but now taking different classes im seeing its a lot of different things i could excel in. like i went in doing web design and realized while i don't enjoy that the way i expected it introduced me to networking, cybersecurity, and data science which i AM interested in. so if you're interested but java gives you the ick (valid) def start poking around free resources first before committing. i investigated some reddit threads and found online it training things that i did and ofc there are a bunch of books too

currently ive subscribed to tryhackme. of all of the hands on training courses its one of the cheapest at $14 a month and its walking me through all the different areas of networking and cybersecurity and its been helpful in getting my feet wet so i can pinpoint what fields im genuinely interested in. currently, im focused on trying to find a field where im truly 100% interested in digging in bc for me ive found caring abt my field gives me excitement that takes the edge off of the ego death change puts me through 😭😭😭😭

i say all that first bc a masters will be a GREAT boon to level up your income esp if you want to work for any kind of university which i would recommend as a good starting place bc the benefits tend to be really good and colleges are relatively more chill workplaces. however, depending on which field you go in just know that a lot of jobs will take the official certifications and your bachelors. and certifications are way cheaper than masters degrees so keep that in mind. especially if you get a certification, get employed in the stem field and then you may have the chance of your employer helping pay for your masters

ofc if you can afford to get your masters now you could go the other direction and start school now and use your school's connections to get student work/part time work in your field and then your odds of being hired in a permanent position after graduating goes up by 300000000000%

and i would suggest sitting down and making a list of everything you hate about your current job and what, ideally, you want for not your dream job but like...the job that could bring you the most content you know? if you're not living to work, picture what you want to do and how your job can help facilitate that without getting in the way.

so like for me my goal is to be able to do the art i want to do without having to worry about starving to death and have as much time to focus on art. bc that's my goal i realized i wanted a job that:

in a stable field where i could potentially get a job anywhere

pays well and consistently

remote work possible

flexible schedule so that i could work less than 5 days a week

clear upward trajectory

not centered around customer service 😭

relatively low stress and doesnt need crazy hours

so with this listed out i realized i didn't actually want my main job to be in the art field bc of the inconsistency and that stem could work for me and then from there anytime i find a new job that i think i could do i investigate it and check to see if the field is shrinking, education requirements, etc etc.

this is a lot but i hope at least one of these thoughts helps you! 💖

[reflectionlike]

about park ji won - i dont think so. he was bighit ceo, wast he? bighit is this branch that is responsible for Jimin's release. and sgmb release was at the bottom level - like the face a year ago (maybe even worse), with one difference - there was no Jimin this time so there were no performances. the song had nothing.

as for the release of who essentially nothing has changed. just remixes and covers were added on the 5th day (im sure jimmy fallon happened bc of Jimin himself). I saw some pjms say that they are ready not to offend the company for a week, but I am ready. giving us tools to buy and stream and all the money will go to "american side" while - just pay attention! - there was no promo that should be paid by the company. the song was never sent to radio. it didn't get a high position in the tth playlist. in fact, everything that Jimin receives now is the merit of his fans. and of course the fact that the song is just a hit.

anyway, there's just too much good news right now to be distracted.

most likely his resignation has nothing to do with Jimin or BTS, he just served his purpose and now its high time for another bastard to shine.

He was Hybe’s CEO, not Bighit.

There is still a long way to go before conclusions can be drawn. The company didn't necessarily change the promotion strategy, just a couple more remixes, and additional covers (which do help a lot), but there has not been a significant push to have the song penetrate the market, and that is something that surprises none of us.The only thing I rescue is that, for now, it hasn't been seen or felt as shady as last year during FACE, when it seemed like the world was conspiring to crush Jimin, and we didn't understand where it was coming from. Clearly, I wasn't expecting a Seven style promotion because Scooter isn't involved up to his neck, however, a lot of what was being asked was that if they were not going to help him, at least they should not try to sink him.

Because there were other things to worry about and celebrate I waited to post this ask until now. We are only starting the second week and a lot of things can still happen, but this is my perception so far.

[never-forget-viva-la-pluto]

just so you know, you can be sued for stealing a cat, especially if its collared and microchipped. dont be a vile human being. have some compassion. maybe that persons cat is just an escape artist.

maybe if someone stole your pet, youd be fine with it, idk if you just let your pets go when youre tired of them. idk you.

but not having compassion is actually disgusting. do better.

Ok let's break this down since I'm going to, probably incorrectly, assume that your intentions are good and you are just woefully misinformed. For the sake of clarity, when I say indoor cat, I mean 100% indoor, and when I say outdoor cat, I mean a cat that is regularly let outside without a leash and isn't a feral or working barn cat.

1) "You can be sued for stealing a cat, especially if it's collared or microchipped".

Okay, so if you microchip an outdoor cat, you have wasted your money. Microchips are for finding your cat should it go missing. If an outdoor cat goes missing, you better hope someone picked it up and took it in bc 9/10 if your outdoor cat goes missing it's dead. Full stop. Hawks, coyotes, dogs, other cats, cars, eagles, wolves, cougars, etc all see that cat as food and cats may be OP for their size but a pack of coyotes whose territory is being shrunk by the day will find that cat very tasty. And in case you are confused, coyotes don't care if you sue them, they will eat the microchip and leave the bloodied collar with the bones.

But let's say you are worried about me getting sued, my response is: ok????? You seem to be under the impression that I am taking cats for a selfish reason and i am definitely not. I would do this for the cat's benefit, with no worries for my own. I'll get sued, I'll gladly take the court case if it means they keep their pets inside. But how would they know I took their cat? They wouldn't because I don't let my cats outside ever. They won't see the cat again and it won't be because a coyote ripped it to peices while it was taking a shit. And it would be a lot harder for them to sue a coyote, so I've done them a favor once again.

2) "Don't be a vile human being. Have some compassion. Maybe their cat is just an escape artist."

Ok, that's on me for not making myself clear. If a cat is missing, and there are posters, online posts, text psa, etc I will see them. I actually follow a local missing pet group that alerts me to every pet in my area that's gone missing, and each includes the info about the pet and if they are indoor or not. When I have time I go and look for them around my town. But again, not far from the feral cat colonies is where the coyotes run so I have yet to be successful. If a cat owner has stated that their cat has escaped and are indoor cats, then I am on the streets, in forests, marshes, behind malls, etc, to return that missing family member. But cats are the equivalent of a toddler in terms of ability to navigate life, and it is definitely neglect to leave your toddler outside unattended.

Moreover, there is a bitch who lives near me who buys kittens, doesn't get them fixed, and when they get out she doesn't even bother to look for them and I have rescued several of those and their subsequent kittens(many of which did not survive even after given professional care bc the mothers were still kittens themselves and can't care for their babies). That bitch has been reported many times and guess what the cops do??? That's right, what cops do best, which is jack shit. I have spent months doing tnr just cleaning up her messes so you have no right to tell me I am without compassion or that I'm vile. I had a cat who was an escape artist, but I at least made sure she was fixed in case she ever got out(she only ever got out once and after I reinforced the screens on our porch).

But again, if your outdoor cat goes missing, what good would returning them do? The cat will just go outside again and face the same shit that caused them to dissappear in the first place. It's actual insanity and those people shouldn't be cat owners(personally I think they should be charged with neglect but whose counting?).

3) "Maybe if someone stole your pet you'd be fine with it. Idk if you just let your pets go when you're tired of them. Idk you. But not having compassion is actually disgusting. Do better."

Okay here is where you lost me.

No one would be able to steal my pet unless they literally broke into my place, because again my cats NEVER go outside. And advocating for pet owners to keep their cats indoors only is something that is vital to the cat's health and the environment, so that is literally the opposite of letting your cat go when tired of them. I don't know where you got that from and honestly I don't care because, no, you don't know me and if your reading comprehension wasn't piss poor you would have seen in the tags you are referencing that I HAVE LITERALLY NEVER DONE WHAT YOU ARE DESCRIBING BC I LIVE IN AN APARTMENT WITH A PET LIMIT. ✨️ I've never taken a cat off the street and kept it!✨️ I can't, or I'll get evicted! Ive fostered for a short period but ive never taken in a cat from the street. But make no mistake I would if I could.

My compassion is why I try to remain educated and informed about why it matters to keep your cat inside. I am compassionate toward the 3 month old cat that it's owner let out in the dead of winter, unfixed, that gave birth to 4 kittens under our car, all premature and 1 was a stillbirth. She was too young to be a mother and her instincts never kicked in. She didn't know to lick away the umbilical cord, she didn't know how to feed them, she didn't know what to do and even with my sister, my mother, my coworker, a volunteer foster, and 3 vet techs and a veterinarian doctor, none of the kittens lived more than 2 days.

I am compassionate towards them. I am compassionate toward the owner of a cat I trapped, fostered, and took to the vet, who after adopting this cat, fell on hard times and when her card declined at the register, she put all of her human food back and just bought cat food(I offered to pay for it but she refused).

So maybe read what you have written and before you hit send, maybe do some research. Maybe think about how you would feel if some stranger just barely read what you put in a tag and decided to tell them they are vile and without compassion while in the same message saying that you don't know them or how they treat others.

Good on you for not turning on anon and saying what you believe with your whole ignorant chest, but still

Do better.

[xxbl00ds0akeds3raxx]

hey, fifi? seraphina? my love, my one and only… we really need to talk.

i was reading through your old posts and i found some REALLY weird stuff there.

like, okay, i know we’ve talked about ur other… flings before. i’ll tolerate them for you, you still know that. but.. what’s this about working at the brothel??? PLEASE tell me someone was joking writing that… in all of those asks… this has to be some weird joke, right???

at least with ur modeling and streaming, i can keep you safe. no one can hurt u there. but the brothel? sure, the whole town is crawling with rapists, but why would u intentionally go where they’re all gathered??? u even SAID that u KNOW it’s unsafe. why do u keep working there? it has to be a joke. if it’s not, u need to quit.

please. I can get us a flat or something since u can’t stay at my house. or get my parents to like u more. It’ll just take a bit more time. u don’t have to keep working to earn money. or at least not there. i could keep us safe, and happy… i just don’t know why u don’t trust me to do that!!

…i need to go look through the rest of ur posts now too. don’t block me, i have other accounts too, you already know that. u can’t keep hiding these things from me.

is there anything else u want to admit now too?? u know i'll find out eventually.

i’m TRYING to be good for u here. but it’s getting really fucking hard. i'm just trying to protect u.

…please reply.

- kylar

hhh hello kylar! my love, my pretty boy!!! umm!! tha thing abt my old posts is that they r old! ^.^ no need to look through the rest of them. not that i'm hiding anything from u— i just think we should talk b4 u... mmm, rile urself up more maybe ??

ofc i have no reason 2 lie to u sooo ahaha... ^_^ yes, i used to work at the brothel. i mean...,, i technically still do but mostly just to restock the facilities! i dont dance anymore. except for fridays,,, but all of that is very meticulously planned out and none of it is real! just a show!! briar makes sure it's safe 4 me bc umm the audience rlly likes me and i make her a lot of money so i can't just... quit really–

i don't have 2 fuck anyone there anymore, so its okay, right?? i could go over tha terms n conditions of shows w/ u if it'd make u more comfortable ??? ^^' i swear ik what i'm doing & i am being safe now, i didn't tell u bcos i knew u wld get worried and i never want to make u upset im sorry :((

baby, that sounds wonderful but... how would you even afford a flat— ? i mean, i could pitch in of course, but i still have to pay off bailey :/ and i have 2 be responsible 4 robin as well,,, u know im working hard 2 get on ur parents good sides but it will take time ಥ_ಥ

i do trust u!! i know u have my best interest in mind <3 it's just that um... sometimes wat u want isn't... realistic- like,,, even if i did quit, the problems wouldn't go away. i made my bed n now i gotta lie in it & until i have tha resources to cover it up,,, its smth we have 2 live w/ 〒▽〒 ghhh im sorry that i've dragged u into all of this :( i will make it up 2 u i promise !!!

u are being so good and i'm so proud of u, i love u so much <3 plz be patient w/ me, i'm also trying,,,

[heart-shaped-horns]

THE UNIVERSE IS YOUR STAGE- PERFORM! AND DONT WORRY, WE’RE ALL HERE FOR THE SHOW. 🐩🪭💋🍒💄🍎♥️

PATIENT ZERO: PECAN

*bubble gum pops* HELLO AGAIN tumblr nation…it’s your favorite truckstop whore in the flesh.. nyeah………ANYWAYS. For those who haven’t come to know me my names pecan and I run a church (my blog) where we smoke newports and attend sermons (whatever bullshit posts I have to give) PLEASE! Make yourselves at home- the body of Christ is a gift that keeps on giving.

Specimen Info:

-My name is pecan, and I also sometimes go as pecanpie. Other aliases include: Cherry Ferry Fantasia. Choose wisely how you refer to me- or don’t, I don’t even exist!

-I’m 19 and female, you can use whatever pronouns when referring to me, but I usually go by she/her 🪭🪭🪭

-ADHD

-aroace, with a hint of bisexuality.

-My hobbies include: drawing, writing (though I rarely ever do finish my pieces let alone publish them) collecting worthless garbage, listening to music and blowing my eardrums out, being an eternal pain in the ass to deal with, thrifting, sitting on porches, smoking winstons, masquerading as a sane individual, dressing up, and trying out new things because I am an avid dopamine chaser. woohoo!

Things I like: Pretentious media, throwing pitchforks at rich priests, consumerism, otome games, douma, buddhism, echo rose, religious studies, args, reaching divinity, shitty manga, maximalism in every sense, bedazzled stuff, money, getting tacky nails, the roaring 20’s, 1950’s femme fashion, old era aesthetics, boutique shops, leopard print, grandma couches, Hollywood reality media, Madonna’s American Life album, Smokey eyeshadow, pathetic wet sop characters and a lot more.

-I have two cats, Mochi and Waffles. The bloodline ends with yours truly.

Fandoms I’m currently active in; Obey Me! Shall We Date, Demon Slayer, and Stephanie Lawson Stevens. I may consider writing for the first two, but I won’t set that in stone yet.

Movies I like: Pink Flamingos, No Country For Old Men, Helter Skelter, Pulp Fiction, All the Boys Love Mandy Lane, Girl Interrupted, Valerie and Her Week of Wonders, Spun, Gummo, Last Night in Soho, Fruit of Wonder, Elephant (2003), The Royal Tenenbaums - will be updated the more I get my hands on anything new that tickles my fancy.

My taste in music: I’m pretty versatile when it comes to what I prefer, so it could range from bimbo-pop to classical music. Anything that sounds good to me I like. I mostly listen to 50’s housewife songs and lady Gaga, though.

-I’m a big fan of indie art and surrealism. Filmmaking as well. Shaye Saint John and Mouchette.org are a few of my favorites.

-I like mortuary work and autopsies. I hold the death industry in high regards- not everyone is willing to work with corpses.

-huge GIGANTIC douma fan. anything and everything douma related I will not hesitate to engage with, he’s my little guy.

- heart sunglasses ambassador (this is my trademark) ❤️

-Polka dot prints and faux fur are resounding yesses.

-You know Florence? (If you get the reference.)

-I think vintage pill cases are lovely.💋

-I have the response time of a limp dick. I either respond in less than a second or only after 3 business months.

-I’ve been working on my new oc line on and off for a few months now, called FEAR & LOATHING in JERUSALEM. artblock is a massive bitch, but stuff is in progress.

Anyways if you’re a terrible human being feel free to block me, you are not welcome onto my blog thank you very much xoxo (transphobes homophobes ableists you know who you are)

GOT COMPLAINTS? CONTACT ME AT 1-666-JERUSALEM-CRACK-SHACK! Make sure to leave me a message. Business hours only!

🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒MASTERLIST: IN THE WORKS? 🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒🍒

[bwobgames]

Previous First

The man makes a phone call

"Vivi! Turn on your location. I am coming over!"

"Wh- dont say it like that! No, we didn't do anything, just chatted"

"I wouldn't say disappointed. I mean, it's too early"

"That is an old nickname, and it does not reflect the man I am today"

"Lovingly: shut up, I am going there with him, so be nice"

"Yes, yes, bye!"

"... nickname?"

"Due to my poor decisions in previous years of my life that I do not plan on repeating, I was known as 'Goatman' for being 'Hornier than someone with horns'

I am now regretting giving her this information"

Oliver tries very hard not to laugh

"Ok, I know where she is. Let's go"

They get to a corridor

"Well well well, if it isn't Ángel and a little buddy, what bussiness could you two have with a lady like me?"

"So his name is Ángel"

"Job bussiness sadly"

"Man, and here I thought we would have a new person for our dnd campaign"

"That could be arranged"

"Before we start being boring, have any of you seen a photobook anywhere?"

"I wanted to take pictures of the storm, but without a photobook, they will get all crumpled in my pockets! I have been obligated to use my phone's camera like a measly instagram influencer, Do you see what that does to a vibrant soul like me? The pain? The shame??"

"I'm sorry, I'm sure we'll find it eventually"

"A lost photobook, that's another mystery.

Logically, I know it's probably just a misplaced item, but

Something feels bad about it

Dangerous

What if it was stolen?

By someone with bad intentions?

What if something bad happened?

What if something bad will happen?

What if it's happening right now?

Is there someone behind me?"

"No. Of course there isn't. I must be on edge from what Ángel told me. Ugh, this is not the time for new phobias to be created"

"Time to get into business"

"Excuse me, We were actually here to ask you about Eugene Coli's speedrunning incident. Do you happen to know about it? Why would he do that?"

"Yeaaahhhh no, I only know what happened afterward, I mean, I wanted to know! But the guy didn't want to give any interviews!

And then the guy went to jail for like, a week, only to disappear from public eye until this party, so he's probably here somewhere. If i find out, I'll tell you!"

"But you are then one who found out first, can you tell us about that?"

"It was an anonymous link sent to the place i work at. It led to a speedrunning website with the mans run in a video"

"Did you watch the video?"

"Yeah! It was taken off the site days later, but i managed to download it! It was like a tour to the man's factory. You could see him talking to whoever was recording. Although the sound was replaced with some techno music for some reason.

The video even had accidents! Like, blood and burns! I have no clue how the moderators accepted it, I'm blaming money"

"It was listed as a satisfactory gameplay ironically enough."

"Did you know that the guy used to be a speedrunner? He used the same account to upload this one"

"I don't have any knowledge on psychology, but maybe this guy is just obsessed with speedrunning"

"Well, this does tell us some things. Thank you for your help"

"Also, we must warn you, we think this event might be some kind of disguise for crimes that could hurt us"

"That blows"

"You don't seem very worried"

"I've reported dangerous situations live. This isn't my first rodeo, mister"

"Yeah, but this is more serious. You might be killed here"

"Well, if it's my time, then it's my time"

"Don't say that. You're sending yourself to an early grave if you're this careless all the time"

"Me? Aren't you the guy who can't be two days without injecting cancer gas directly into their lungs?"

"That's not the same"

"How is it not the same? Is that and your crazy stunts of dubious legality not also sending you to an early grave?"

"I quit that! And I can quit smoking anytime! I just don't have the need to"

"Right, right, of course, I'm just being careless unlike you, mature and responsible man"

"Is, is this a fight? A friendly fight? Should I intervene, or is it more like a sibling fight where this is a normal thing that happens. Can we leave?"

"Listen, I get it, I was stupid and unsafe, and I probably should've died thrice by now, but I don't want that life anymore!"

"I want to be safe now. I dont want any of us to be in danger"

"I don't want us to die"

"... It's going to happen eventually, you know this"

"I don't want it"

"Yeah, alright, I'm getting involved"

"...It is normal to fear death. It's unknown and out of our control, but only with death, we have life, yeah?

So let's not waste it by bickering, and let's keep going"

"I've never been good at pep talks, but if we really are in danger, then there's no time for existentialism"

"... Right, keep your location on Vivi"

"Maybe I will. Maybe I won't"

"... I'm sorry for calling you careless"

"...Ugh, Fine, I'll keep it on, stop looking at me with that mopey wet cat face and leave already"

"Well, we didn't find motive, but we have some information.

Do you know anyone else who might have something on the speedrunning stunt?"

"... Someone comes to mind"

"Alright, we'll go now, bye Vivi!"

"Yeah, yeah, run along, bunny boy"

"Did she just ...assign me a fursona???"

"She does that"

[idk3453]

Mafia

Chapter 7

Mafia chapter 7 

You Can Run But You Cant Hide...

Hey guys!! sorry chapter 7 took so long to write, had a little bit of writer's block, along with some projects I needed to do for my class. But here is chapter 7! I am currently writing chapters 8 and 9! If you are new to the series Hi and welcome, those who are coming back, Hi and welcome back!.

Now, here it is Mafia chapter 7

If you havent read the chapters dont worry I will link it down below!

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6

Synopsis: Elvis Presley, the notorious mafia leader of Memphis, Tennessee has the town on its feet. Fear, power, money, and women surround him and his Memphis mafia. But what happens when one day you stumble into his world? And he makes you fall in love with him? 

Elvis POV: 

I dont know what happened, one minute I was showing off my girl Y/N to my mafia, then the next Im tackling Lamar to the ground. It all happened in the blink of an eye. 

“Elvis stop!” “Let him go!” said Jerry

Each punch I threw connected with Lamars face. 

“That's enough Elvis, look what you're doing!” Jerry continued to yell. 

In a desperate attempt to reduce injuries to his face, Lamar used his arms as a shield, blocking my punches as best he could.  Blood stained my white shirt along with Lamar's face.

Feeling my arms being pulled away from Lamar, I kept trying to break free. kicking my legs every which way.

“Let me go! he needs to learn his place!” I yelled trashing and trying to remove myself from their grip on me.

“Elvis, I’m sorry!” Said Lamar. 

“Elvis, calm down, look at what you did!’ For god sakes Y/N is terrified!” 

The mention of her name snapped me back to reality. 

“Y/N!, Y/N, baby where are you?” 

“Shes gone Elvis, I had one of the men take her to your room. You should have seen her, she was shaking like a leaf!” said Jerry. 

“God damnit!” Slamming the wall with my hands. My hands were covered with Lamar's blood.

“I didn’t want her to get scared of me” running my hand through my hair. It’s a habit I formed when I become either anxious or upset. 

“Well, congratulations EP, you fucking just did!” said Jerry sarcastically. 

Looking at the scene I caused, Lamar's bloody face, crying repeating the words I'm sorry E, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry. I slowly backed away from my men and said “Imma head upstairs to check on her” “Jer, take Lamar to the nurse, I’ll see him in a bit” 

“Will do” 

And with that I quickly made my way up the stairs. 

Jogging, I got up to the top floor, the black padded doors greet me, but not the way I wanted them to. Slowly, I grabbed the door handles, and sweat dripped from my forehead. "What if I scared her for good." "how am I going to get y/n to trust me if she is scared of me." sighing I slowly turned the handle to open the doors to my room. 

“Y/N?” I said 

I waited for a response, but when nothing came after a few seconds I inched my head closer to my room.

"Y/N," I said again as I looked further into the room, I spotted her huddled in a corner, her knees to her face.

"way to fucking go, Elvis she hates you now," my conscious told me. those last three words haunting me "She hates you". shaking the feeling out of my head, I inched my way closer to her.

“Baby? I know this looks bad, but I did it for a good reason” I said. 

“Lamar needed to know his place, and he crossed the line making that comment.” 

I said making my way closer to her, Y/N still didn’t move nor look up. 

“Baby, please look at me”  nothing

“I didn’t mean to scare you” nothing again, y/n hasn't moved an inch.

“I Just have a bad temper” "My temper tend to get the best of me little"

I got as close to Y/N as I could. kneeling down in front of her, I pushed a few hair strands back. Trying my best to have her at least look at me. I don’t want her to think I’m some monster. 

“Baby, please look at me” 

"I'm terribly sorry" "It wont happen again, I promise"

"Like hell it wont", I muttered under my breath

Y/N started to look up at me, slowly lifting her head up from her knees. 

“That’s it baby, please look at me” 

As she slowly lifted her head up, I was so distracted that I didn’t notice her right hand, holding a vase. Y/N smashes it to the side of my head. 

Knocking me down on the ground, I tried to compose myself. Processing what just happened.

I looked up from where I was and saw she was running towards the doors.

“Come back here!” I yelled Blood dripped from my forehead. But the adrenaline was enough to pull me up and get me to my feet. running as fast as I could to stop her. Y/N was dashing past the door, making it down the stairs. Exiting the front door, out of Graceland and out of my reach.

“Fuck!” I said punching the wall thus creating a small hole in it. 

“JERRY!, LARRY!, CHARLIE!” I NEED YALL HERE NOW!” I yelled, my head pounding every which way.

They all ran from where they were to come find me. 

“EP what’s wrong?!” “Is there trouble?!” Said Charlie 

“Jerry starts the car, Y/N escaped,” I said almost breathlessly. "God damn that blow was hard." clutching onto the side of my forehead pulling my hand away, I saw a few drops of blood on them.

“Shit!, E how?!” said Larry

Annoyed I looked up from where I was starting at and said “DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST DO AS I SAY!” 

And with that, my men left and started to get the car ready. Quickly making my way down the stairs I winced as the effects of the adrenaline started to wear off. 

I finally made it past the stairs and reached the front doors of Graceland.

“She couldn’t have gone far,” I told myself. Graceland is in a secluded area, there’s no way she could have gone far. 

“Beep!” “Beep!” “You ready E?” Yelled Jerry 

“Yeah!Let's go find her! 

And with that, Jerry revved up the engine of my Cadillac Eldorado, me getting into the passenger seat, Larry and Charlie in the back seat, and Jerry as Driver. Jerry backs up the car harshly, and looking at rear view mirror, Graceland began to become farther and farther from our reach. And now it is off to find where my little runway has gone too.

"You can run, but you cant hide," I said silently as the hunt to find Y/N was on.

What do we think yall!

What do you think is gonna happen in chapter 8 and 9!

I wanna hear your thoughts.

Thank you @erutluve for the pics for the Mafia Fan Fics! I love them so much!

Thank you to @erutluv, @plasticfantasticl0ver and @natipooxx

I can't wait for y'all to read the next chapters! Stay tuned!

[ipsen]

Blank Canvas Chapter 8

Read on AO3. this chapter was cursed as hell to write (the blockage was real) but i made my deadline so HA Summary: On Sen Takatsuki being a murderer. Word Count: 4225 Chapter 9 Chapter 7 Master Post

No text.

No call.

Nothing.

It was like Kishou was never there at all.

She couldn’t reach out to him, because her number had been blocked. He wouldn’t reach out to her, because he never did. It was always her bending his ear, her approaching him, her reaching out to someone she always knew was unreachable. Lonely souls were alone for a reason.

(She didn’t want to be alone. She was terrible like that.)

She lay sprawled out on her bed, cold like concrete, with books occupying every corner that she couldn’t reach. Shelley, Murakami, Poe, Dazai, Kafka, Hakushuu— she devoured their contents wholly, unlike the half-person she was. Read, analyze, reread. A cycle that couldn’t end.

Why was it that everything she wanted slipped through her fingers like sand? Papa died, her ‘father’ hated her, and now Kishou had disappeared. 

The only constant was her.

Her, a murderer.

Her, a byproduct.

Her, a pastime.

She picked up a book at random. Her eyes glided over the words, barely taking them in. It was presumptuous of her to think she could be loved, wasn’t it? Presumptuous to think that by putting her own words out there, someone would approach her and understand. She was just so—

The door cracked open, letting a sliver of light pierce the darkness “Kiddo?” Shiono’s voice said. “You okay?”

— ugly.

She was ugly and broken, and he knew that more than anyone. He should leave her alone. Just like everyone else.

But the door opened wider instead, bathing her in brightness. She covered herself with her blanket. Don’t look don’t look dont look don’t look don’t look—

Shiono’s footsteps drew closer. “I heard you come in earlier. I’m glad you’re safe.”

Liar. He was angry. She had disobeyed him. She hadn’t listened to him about Kishou. She was terrible and stepped out of line and so should be punished.

She felt his weight sink into the side of the bed.

It would start with a barrage of ‘I told you so!’-s and ‘why didn’t you listen?’-s. He would read her thoughts out loud to her, shake her ear drums to their core until they bled with the truth. He would rip off the covers, yell right in her face. The spit would pierce her skin and infect it, and it would still be less than she deserved. She was such a—

“I’m sorry.”

What?

“I’m not a very good guardian, am I? I can’t even protect you from a bad boyfriend.” Shiono laughed, but it was a sad one. “I’m sorry I’m not someone you think you can trust.”

Why was he saying this? She was worthless. Nothing. A clump of meat slapped onto the slab of the world to be cut up and butchered because that was all she was good for. Right?

“But… I care about you, Sen.”

Sen blinked. The name she chose. A single kanji meaning ‘spring’ or ‘fountain’. Papa always loved the hot springs. He promised he’d take her one day, once they had enough money to fund a trip. It never happened.

“I want to do better, so can we talk?”

Sen slowly peeled the blanket away from her face, revealing jade eyes that glanced up at her guardian. Shiono was frowning, and concerned, and worried about her.

“Hey, kiddo,” he said, attempting a half smile.

Tears soaked her pillow before she knew it.

———

On the train, Kaneki couldn’t stop thinking about it.

It made too much sense: Fushimi’s motive in the story, Takatsuki’s ‘passing’ history with Donato, Donato’s unusual victims, the double murder in the 8th ward.

Donato had been framed, and Takatsuki was the real culprit.

The only question was: why?

Why was Donato framed? Why was Takatsuki let go? Who exactly was he working with? Not only that, but who was responsible for the framing, and why did they do it? Was it to catch Donato, with Takatsuki’s crime a convenient excuse? Were they trying to protect Takatsuki and Donato was the price? If so, then from what?

And then the second victim, Noroi… He shared Takatsuki’s last name, spelling and all. Had she killed him too, or had she only killed Kasuka Mado? Either way, why did she kill anyone? What were the circumstances that led up to it? Would Kaneki be her next—

His phone buzzed, interrupting his trail of thought. He checked the text, and a once-dormant pit in his stomach made itself known again.

From: Hina touka n kaya are busy today you still available?

He’d been so caught up in his recent revelations that he’d forgotten his destination today. He quickly replied:

To: Hina I’m heading over right now. See you then!

He put his phone away with a sigh.

It never got easier, did it? Perhaps the pain dulled, but that didn’t mean the void left was gone. You could paint over it and fill it with other things— maybe even better things— but it would still be a void. It would still be a harrowing loss. You would always be left wondering: what if things could be different?

Kaneki reached his stop and got off, heading toward the cemetery.

He hoped Hina was doing okay. She’d been tutoring at the local elementary school, if he remembered correctly, so they hadn’t had time to really meet up, especially now that he finally had a job. Time was so strange; he still remembered when he watched her stumble and struggle with the kanji in Monochrome Rainbow. Now she would be the one watching.

Speaking of Monochrome Rainbow, maybe he should have invited Takatsuki to say hi, make Hina’s day. Would that be weird, inviting your coworker/crush/possible murderer to an annual memorial visit? Not to mention the possible murderer part. Emphasis on the possible murderer part, even.

He came to a stop at a streetlight, where the shadows cast by the setting sun made it seem like it was nighttime.

He recalled when he caught Takatsuki in his arms, and the way she had stared so… owlishly at him. Almost as if she were fascinated by him. Though that couldn’t be true; he was just an artist drawing her story and giving her his input regarding composition. To think they were— or could be— anything more was stupid and senseless.

Wait, why was he even concerned about that when she could have killed someone? Shouldn’t he be more worried that he could be next on her list? If she could get away with murder and stick the Priest himself in Cochlea, who was to say she didn’t have more victims there, intentional or otherwise?

He passed the gates, hands stuffed in his pockets.

Ugh, he was thinking like Hide in college; someone too caught up in theory to take a solid stance on fact. The truth was that he just didn’t know enough, so he shouldn’t jump to any drastic conclusions. He needed more info.

That, and he felt like she wouldn’t kill someone without a really good reason. If there was one thing he’d learned about her these past few months, it was that everything she did had a purpose. Maybe that was why he was having an easy time digesting it. There was a motive, a justification— otherwise, it wouldn’t make sense, and it wouldn’t be Takatsuki.

He saw Ryouko and Asaki’s joint gravestone on its small hill beneath a cherry blossom tree. They had always enjoyed spring the most, and Kaya made sure they could continue to enjoy it long after their passing.

And there, leaning against that tree, was Hina, with her signature four-leaf clover pins holding up her hair on either side.

He remembered when they first met. A scrawny thirteen-year-old girl, whose head barely came up to his shoulders. Now she was eighteen, fully grown, and they were nearly the same height. Despite that, he could never quite not see the little sister figure who turned to him for help when she couldn’t read something.

When she saw him, her face lit up. “Ken!”

He waved as they jogged up to meet. “Hey, Hina—”

He was cut off by her tight embrace, and the pair shared a laugh. “I’m glad you could make it,” she said, pulling back. “Touka’s med school exam is today, and Kaya’s taking up Enji’s work again tonight, so…”

Again. Mr. Yoshimura was getting worse. “I see… I’m sorry.”

Her lip quirked up. “I’m sure Mom and Dad wouldn’t mind; they’re doing it to help people.”

Kaneki frowned. “True, but it’s nice to visit every now and then. I’m sure they get lonely, even with each other as company.” He scratched his cheek. “I’m sure there are some days where they get sick of each other.”

“Ha! Yeah…” She rubbed her arm. “Still, I’d feel bad asking them to make time for this now.”

“But you asked me?” he teased, chuckling.

She smirked. “Well, I had to make sure you weren’t having too much fun with your new coworker.”

Heat would have rushed to his cheeks on any other day, but this time, he just laughed nervously. “Um, thanks…”

It clearly wasn’t what Hina was expecting, and he felt the same way. “Is… everything okay?” Now it was her turn to frown. “Don’t tell me she’s—”

“N-No, it’s not that, just…” Kaneki rubbed his chin. “I’m just a little tired is all…”

She grabbed his hand and pulled it away from his chin, a defiant look on her face. “You can tell me, Ken. You deserve to suffer the least, out of everyone I know. You know that, right?”

“But it’s not that simple. Takatsuki—” He stopped himself. Don’t say it; the idea would destroy her. “It’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“So?” She took his other hand, holding both firmly in her grasp. “It’s nothing you can’t share either, right?”

“Hina…”

“I want to help you, Ken,” she said. “Like how you, and Touka, and Kaya, and everyone else helped me.”

Perhaps once upon a time, that wouldn’t have been enough. Perhaps, once upon a time, he would have shut her out, like he had done so many other times with other, more resilient people. But things were different now. Kaneki’s walls were not as thin as they used to be, and he was not as partial to as many masks.

And… he was getting a little tired of pretending.

He stopped fighting her, and after a sigh, yielded. He told her about the 8th ward, and about Noroi Takatsuki. He talked about Donato, and what he said that set Kaneki on this path in the first place. He talked about how uneasy he felt, because even though it was clear Donato wanted to mess with him, there were hard facts about Takatsuki that couldn’t be ignored.

Hina took her time to respond. Her brow knit, and she took a seat under the cherry blossom tree. It was almost like analyzing Takatsuki’s works with her all over again; they would talk about the content and the kanji readings, then discuss their own personal relations to it. Afterward, they would consult current events, see if there was anything going on in the real world that could have inspired Takatsuki to write what she wrote.

“What do you think about her now?” Hina looked at Kaneki as he sat beside her. “Do you… still like her?”

He chuckled wryly. “Of course I do… I don’t think I could ever not like her.” He glanced up at the sky, which had turned red and orange with the sunset. “That’s what makes this so hard— Am I terrible for feeling this way? Am I the horrible one for feeling almost nothing for Kasuka Mado’s family? They could have lost the most amazing person in the world, and I think I would feel the same way. That’s… awful.”

She sidled up closer to Kaneki, holding his hand. “I don’t think so.”

He frowned. “Why not?”

With her other hand, Hina drew her knees close to her. “I won’t pretend to know anything about Takatsuki, but her work… doesn’t strike me as belonging to a monster.

“You said the murder was thirteen years ago, right? That would be around when Dear Kafka and The Dropped Box were published. When I read those, I just felt this… sorrowful anger. A deep-seated loathing for the very words that expressed them…”

The child that lost their way home Forgot how to return home at all And so they wished for death once again.

“They’re works of hopelessness, and they’re full of longing that doesn’t seem achievable within the narrative. That’s why they’re tragedies.” Hina looked up at him. “Do you think someone heartless could write something so empty?”

Kaneki knew his answer from the start. “No, I don’t.”

She smiled. “Then there you go.”

He returned it gladly. “Thank you, Hina; you always help me organize my thoughts.”

She chuckled, standing up. “I didn’t do anything special; just gave you a bit of a push.” She helped him up. “Shall we, then?”

They took their time to pay their respects to Ryouko and Asaki. Afterwards, Kaneki looked around, finally noticing something. “Hey, where’s Ayato?”

Hina blinked. “Oh! H-He’s been held up by work. They’re apparently gearing up for something big this weekend, and so he’s busier than usual.”

His brow furrowed. Tatara’s play was this weekend too, and if Kaneki remembered correctly, Ayato worked on things related to lights…

He shook his head; it couldn’t be.

———

The next day, Kaneki entered Shoeisha and gave Ami a hesitant wave. It was not returned. He really should stop trying at this point.

Making his way to the sixth floor, he walked the familiar path to Takatsuki’s office, Hina’s encouragement fresh in his mind, and as he reached for the doorknob, he noticed something strange:

162 Sen Takatsuki Haise Sasaki

He paused. His hand dropped back to his side as he stared at a shiny silver plate with his pseudonym on it, and not a sticky note with it scrawled in pencil.

Why was his name there?

He glanced down the hall and happened to see Shiono walking by with a cup of coffee, who glanced back. He just gave Kaneki a thumbs up and an encouraging grin before continuing on his way.

Somehow, it was a bigger mystery than Noroi and Donato combined.

Gathering his wits and opening the door, Kaneki was surprised to see that Takatsuki had arrived before him for a change, reading one of her books with her feet propped up on her desk and wearing her favorite burgundy sweater. Today’s hairstyle, as if to contrast the low pigtails from Cochlea, was a pair of high pigtails. The ends of the two bundles fanned out and swayed around her shoulders like calming tides.

It suited her, and gave her neck a surprising amount of room to breathe and Kaneki wondered why he hadn’t shut up about it yet.

She looked up as soon as he entered and clapped her book shut, not even bothering to dogear the page like she usually did. “Haise! Good morning.”

“G-Good morning…” he greeted back, dropping his stuff on the couch. He gestured vaguely to the door. “Uh, what’s with the, uh—”

“The nameplate?” She trotted over to him, smiling. He was seeing it reach her eyes more often of late. “You like it?”

“I-I— It’s, um… It’s— I mean—” I’m sorry you wasted it on me— “i-it’s flattering, I guess?”

Her face fell ever so slightly. “Oh.”

He immediately backpedaled. “N-No, I meant—! That is to say, I just— W-Well, getting this is— I, um, okay, I— Okay, I’m so sorry; yesterday was such a long day and I have a lot on my mind and—”

“Haise.”

“I’m really really sorry and I’m honored— really, I am!— And it’s just, well, um— Look, I just wasn’t expecting you or, or Shiono to put something like it up, so I—”

“Haise!”

Surprisingly strong hands gripped either of Kaneki’s shoulders, jolting him out of his blabbering. He inclined his head to see an amused, if a bit concerned, Takatsuki looking back at him. And touching him. Well, touching his shirt, but she was touching him. Again.

“I get it,” she said, fighting a chuckle. “Do you want me to take it down?”

“Hot…” What.

She blinked, and without the cover of darkness like last time, he was forced to confront that that was definitely pink dusting her cheeks. “What?”

“Hot— i-in here! Aren’t you hot in that?” He gestured to her clothing.

She laughed almost in relief. “Your concern is appreciated, but there’s more important things to do today.”

Appreciated. “R-Right.” He cleared his throat. “A-And, um, if you could keep up the nameplate. Um, please.”

She beamed at him before rummaging through her bag. After a moment, she took out a familiar manila folder. “Check it out: Donato’s complete case file.” She handed it over to him, clearly proud of herself.

Kaneki blinked as he flipped through, feeling his heart sink anew. It was exactly like the copy he and Hide had. Crimes, trial, autopsies… Everything. Where had she gotten this?

“Had to steal some Tsukiyama-brand underwear for it, but it was worth it.” She giggled.

He hoped she was joking.

They sat down on the couch together and went through it. Like he did with Hide, he and Takatsuki found the disparity between certain victims and Donato’s preferred type. Also like with Hide, Kaneki was positive this wasn’t her first criminal case file. Halfway through, he began to wonder if he had a knack for finding the detective type.

However, there was a key difference in this investigation that differed from the one at home: Takatsuki knew far more about the irregular victims beyond the page.

“Large-scale theft of resources from Kaiko Industries, attempted excess lobbying for the JCP, smuggling of illegal goods under the Ihei name…” she muttered as they went through each file. “Each one was murdered shortly after these crimes were discovered.”

Kaneki swallowed as they looked at Nanao Yasuhisa, former president of the Sphinx trading company. He was (according to her) incriminated for selling illegal drugs to an unknown receiver based in Tokyo before he was murdered. The case regarding his trade was also closed shortly after, and remained unsolved to this day. It was a consistent pattern, one with unsettling implications.

And to top things off, the file on Kasuka Mado and Noroi Takatsuki was noticeably absent.

Kaneki’s discomfort must have been on his face, because she tapped his shoulder, making him jump. “You okay?”

He tried to laugh it off and failed. “O-Oh, it’s nothing; I just, well…” He dropped his hand from approaching his chin and sighed. “It’s just… All these people dying… It’s wrong.”

Takatsuki watched him for a bit before going back to reading. “Even if the dead person is trash?”

He frowned. He didn’t expect that response, not after what Hina had said yesterday. “I—”

“Do you know Tsuneyoshi Washuu?”

“H-Huh? Uh, not much…” He thought for a moment. “He was… the former chairman of the Washuu Task Force…?”

She didn’t miss a beat. “He was also a rapist, and his favorite targets were his in-laws and his daughters.”

“O-Oh, um—”

“He was murdered about four years ago, and now he can’t rape anyone ever again. Tell me: is the murderer ‘wrong’?”

He scratched his head. “I… Well…”

“Perhaps these people here didn’t deserve it, but let’s not pretend that there aren’t people the world is better off without.” A hint of that simmering anger she liked to hide bubbled up to her expression.

Kaneki pursed his lips. He couldn’t exactly refute her; life for lots of people would be much easier if certain others weren’t around. It was certainly a solution to rid them of their oppressors by violence and lay the grounds for improvement.

Plus, was it even right to try the diplomatic approach? That could take years, and the oppressors would spend those years continuing to oppress, continuing to let people suffer at their whim. Like Tsuneyoshi Washuu would have. His would-be victims were not victims solely because he was not around.

“It’s still sad, though,” he idly thumbed Mr. Yasuhisa’s profile, “don’t you think?”

She said ‘here’, and when she stated she had Donato’s complete case file, she implied she had Kasuka and Noroi’s file as well. It gave him a glimmer of hope.

The rigid anger in her face faltered. “Haise…”

“I-I can’t say you’re wrong, because you’re not.” He looked away. “I… agree with you too, and that makes me sad.”

He wondered what Kasuka and Noroi had felt as they died. When he wondered that, he wanted to know how Takatsuki fit in. Perhaps he shouldn’t know; knowledge could be as dangerous as it was valuable, and the change it would cause in their current dynamic would be irreversible.

“I wish we didn’t have to kill the few to save the many, even if those few are monsters,” he admitted. “But wishing won’t change anything, will it?”

But he couldn’t just leave it alone either. He wanted to know more. He wanted to see the real Takatsuki, and seeing her meant learning about her, regardless of the muck he had to sift through. There was one thing he knew, though: she wanted to help people.

“It doesn’t fill the void dug by their claws, and it doesn’t bring back the lives they’ve stolen from others.”

And if he was being honest, he agreed a lot more with her than he wanted to admit.

Surgery— a series of surgeries, to be performed over months or even years— was expensive, and if Ryouko wanted her best chance at recovery, there would be multiple undertakings. A single mother living off an office worker’s salary couldn’t hope to afford it without incurring an unpayable debt. And so she had been forced to choose: her life, or her daughter’s.

To this day, almost five years later, Kaneki wondered if she had chosen right.

He had never felt more powerless than when he held Hina close, watching the life slowly drain from Ryouko’s face. He was sad then, just as he was now, but as he considered the perspective of Takatsuki— the one person he, ironically, felt could understand him without words— he realized he had felt another emotion:

Anger.

Anger at Ryouko’s disease for festering within her. Anger at the hospital for charging an unrealistic amount. Anger at the world that deemed someone as kind as her should die prematurely or damn herself and her daughter for the rest of their lives. Anger at himself, someone who was helpless and powerless and—

Kaneki suddenly felt Takatsuki’s hand gingerly touch his shoulder, as if she was afraid he’d shatter like glass, and he flinched.

“May I?”

When he turned, she was looking at him steadily, awaiting his response. No malice; just concern for someone else.

He nodded.

Her hand reached out across his back and, slowly, pulled him closer. She shifted in her seat so that her body supported him and their legs pressed together. She rubbed his arm, quietly resting her head against his shoulder. Despite himself, he reciprocated, pressing his cheek against the crown of her head, and they sat on the couch in silence, feeling each other’s presence.

He’d always imagined that in this moment— once fantasy, now reality— he would be a fidgeting, blushing mess. A hug from Sen Takatsuki was sure to drive him crazy. Instead, though, he felt comfortable in her half-embrace, and let out a content sigh for it.

He chanced to glance at her. She was staring straight ahead at something, and judging by the softness of her smile, it was something pleasant. He decided to look at it too.

“You’re very kind, Haise,” she said suddenly. “Despite everything you’ve been through. It gives me hope.”

Kaneki gave her hope? “Um, thank you…”

“I’m serious! You should really be out there and not cooped up in here.” She chuckled with a hint of bitterness. “It feels like a waste.”

Did she… think this a waste? Writing things that resonated with people, comforted them in their lowest moments? Told them that they were not wrong for being angry or sad or lonely? Was she truly so blind to her own effects?

It seemed impossible, but as he considered it, considered himself, it didn’t seem so far-fetched. When you were alone— well and truly alone— nothing you did seemed worthy of anything. And so the cycle continued.

Before he knew it, his hand was upon Takatsuki’s shoulder, making his body mirror hers. “I don’t think so.”

She tried to scoff. “Is that so?”

“Mhm. Because I… I don’t want to be anywhere else.” He pursed his lips. “And… I kind of like being cooped up in here.”

Her lips parted, as if to say something, but nothing came out, so she closed them again, instead snuggling a little closer. She felt cold, but it was warm today anyway.

“Thank you,” she finally whispered, and this time, it wasn’t a courtesy.

———

“Unsettling news tonight as an anonymous tip claims the Torso is going to strike in the 13th ward next. The Washuu Task Force assures us that it is a false alarm, but citizens are advised to stay indoors…”

[mikka-minns]

Hey Minnie! Hope you don't mind me coming into your inbox to ramble, but I had a realization and a theory that I think you might appreciate.

So, I know we always complain about Dominic as The Guy Who Can't Write MK, and I do think he's part of the problem, but I think the real final boss of Bad MK Writers is Shawn Kittelsen.

He wrote the MKX comic, and is thus responsible for "Cassie was the result of a one night stand and Sonya never loved Johnny before MKX" (which is a bullshit interpretation of their dynamic), Hanzo "Sub-Zero is Beyond Saving Let's Just Leave Him For Dead" Hasashi, and probably other awful shit (oh wait, now I remember. Killing off a bunch of characters unceremoniously, for really no reason other than blood. That's just a shitty use of resources)

He started working on the games in MK11, and I'm pretty fucking sure he's responsible for Kotal/Jade (weird because it has no buildup), past Sonya being an unrepentant bitch (telling the father of your future daughter to get a vasectomy when you know said daughter personally is bitch behavior. As is not reading a mission report all the way through. Sonya is an emotionally repressed soldier, duty comes before everything for her. That's kinda the point of her arc in MKX??? But now she's suddenly incapable of understanding the idea that military service is about duty and sacrifice), the weird sexual threats Shao Kahn dishes out (because what the FUCK NRS? That's never been an aspect of the character before. Forced marriage, yes, but you'll note that he has no offspring of his own. Also, that's just a little much for the tone of MK), and probably the Sindel Retcon.

I have no idea what we're getting at, other than "Dominic is semi competent at writing" and "Shawn might just be on par with Stephen King, but only if you're comparing his writing to the sewer scene in IT."

Dont worry, i dont mind at all! I do appreciate this!☺️

And yeah, Shawn is apsolutley to blame as well. I think that the whole NRS writing team hates the franchise tbh(not the whole, but the Ones who write the most important stuff for the games and media). I did hear he was one of the main writters for mk11.

You are right tho, his interpretation of the characters that he did in the comics is pretty much what is ruining them the most(before mk11 ofc). I first found mkx the game and then the comics and without the knowlage of what comic!Hanzo did, i Just Kinda Thought he was Just a vengfull ass, but then the comics are what made me hate him.

I realy want to know what all of these mfs are smoking, cuz it doesnt seem like its good for them.

I also heard that mkx the game and mkx the comic were in production at the same time, so whoever was in charge of making sure they are on the same Page didnt do a good job, since the comics are not even complitely Canon at the end. Mostly cuz they didnt fit in with the game's narative and the characters were off(even they noticed, but a little too late). The "Cassie is a product of a one night stand" is one of them, cuz, in the game, some of the dialogue seems to indicate that Sonya was realy in love with Johnny and they only divorced later cuz of their marriage problems.

Some of their choices for mk11 are just disturbing. Someone Thought of that and actualy presented it and then someone ALLOWED it!

And Ed Boon seems to not give a flying f about what people do to the franchise he has built. Just stands around and hopes it makes him money.

In advance, i apologize if i ended up a bit biased and its complitely alright and understandable if Someone disagrees with me. I am in no way a profesional and probably just letting my emotions do all talking. (imma be honest, im mostly mad cuz the torture Kuai and then make him the bad guy or imply his life is easy)

[gmos]

i am so like. metaphysically exhausted i feel like im going thru so much rn i just need to vent with timestamps

like i have zero money so my card declined on my medical bill today and i have to make a bunch of phone calls to places that are only open on weekdays. and i have to prepare for a market but my heart is just not in it. plus ive been waiting to hear back about some other freelance stuff but it hasnt happened yet. so i just keep working on little bits and praying that it will work out. esp bc i have a tattoo appointment i made for my birthday to keep from totally spiraling but i obviously dont have the money for it right now.

and i have to go talk to bf's parents on monday and convince them that im telling the truth about anything w regards to moving. when they dont respect me and think im just some fairy trying to steal their daughter. and the thing is i am but its obviously for the best. and my parents are excited that im moving back but they cant really help me until july and mostly once we're already over there. and bc of how little money we have were gonna have to get rid of most of our stuff and either fly or drive a car across the country.

and all of this while i am getting sicker and sicker and ive just been getting sicker for years and usually it gets better in the summer but this year it isnt so im really worried about that. all i want is to sit outside in a pretty dress with a fun beverage and draw and write but the reality of my situation keeps creeping in. and its crazy bc the thing is pretty much everything aside from the medical bill is already sorted out and being dealt with and i just have to wait it out. i just cant get over how stressed out i feel and thats whats holding me back from fixing things, leading to them getting worse. they increased my ocd medication but the pharmacy hasnt called me yet even after two days when usually they have it same day.

what is going on. im exhausted. i havent slept properly in like two years. i survive off chocolate chips and microwavables and vitamin supplements. i spend most days alone in my apartment sitting by the window on the computer. this is not living. this is not living. i am supposed to be outside talking to strangers. i am supposed to be making the mistakes of a young adult. i turn 20 in 10 days. i have not been able to stay sober longer than 3 days in a row. i have near-constant short term memory loss. my vision is fading. i cant stand. once a week i go to the park and run until my ribs hurt, which is only about 3 minutes. i wear dresses over my hairy legs and combat boots. i get boba tea and coffee and ice cream when i have 10 dollars in my bank account. why isn't it worth it to live a beautiful life? why is responsibility the beginning and end of my life? when do i get to fuck up without being incessantly punished for the rest of my life?

when i was 17 i came to the startling realization that when something bad happens to me, that is the punishment. before that, and even still, i believed that i had to endure the bad thing and then be punished for the fact that the bad thing even happened. then one day i spilled olive oil all over the kitchen counter and my father helped me clean it up and asked if i was ok. to this day it sticks out as a dream, as if something so kind could ever happen to me. and yet i feel like if i had not been treated with so much hostility, i never would have been radicalized the way i am today. i cant prove either way, but i know that the hostility i am constantly faced with is unwarranted. yet it continues, so what am i doing wrong? the answer is obviously everything.

writing this has calmed me down. i am one of the few who benefits from journaling, even performative journaling, which is what this website is based on. one day when i die just a little bit before my time, my now-bf future-husband will compile my unpublished writing and art and notebooks and tumblr posts into a chronicle of my life, and then i will finally be beautiful.