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#and I will lose my shit if one more person close to me or someone i care about dies
secretdonderwolk · 2 days
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Ok I’m new here and I have hyper fixated enough that I feel like I understand most references but I need context for just a fewwww things
One, what is this birthday boy text
Two, what is this Carlos max hand holding
Three, not a question just wanted to say thanks for being my literal favorite blog ever I check like 3 times a day and am always v entertained! Keep doing you it’s appreciated 🥰
hello! so as world's worst archivist i rarely ever have any links or sources just a google doc filled with interpretations of said things but i will try to give you some context and hopefully someone will come through with the links, lmao. so first one i do have a link for. max goes apeshit on a plane, just really gets balls to the wall fucked up, has daniel sitting beside him for all of it and seems mostly preoccupied with getting as many gin and tonics in as humanly possible and taking any and all opportunities to gets his paws on daniel. the rituals aren't intricate because things rarely are with max, he's just trying to crawl into daniel's ribcage for the whole video and even that isn't close enough. you have to admire the dedication he shows for having his body permanently angled towards daniel at all times, to the point where someone has to lean so far over the table they knock over a bottle of wine, to get a look at max's face. shout out to daniel's classy little glass of red, clearly not even remotely close to the levels of wasted max is and still somehow matching his energy. what is love if not wanting to hang out with a person who is way more drunk than you are etc. the picture taking i unfortunately can't talk about as it makes me feel too tender. as does daniel just sort of quietly looking on as max loses his whole entire shit with a facial expression i'd personally describe as 'my avoidant ass has, in fact, imagined walking through ikea and fighting over kitchen cupboard colors with this dude'. anyway the next morning max gets a text from daniel that says, birthday boy, are you okay? no, i'm not making this up..... the second thing i don't have a link for but basically this was when carlos and max were teammates at toro rosso and they were doing a photoshoot with daniel looking on and max, known scholar of the kim kardashian school of subtly, is like, so i'm kind of dropping hints that i'm into dudes and just fucking... grabs carlos's hands. funniest thing about this vid is that carlos is a completely unwilling part of this mating dance max is trying to do with not him and max doesn't even look at him for any of it, just does head on a swivel to see if danyul saw him do make his funny little joke. he did see. he was laughing. oh, i know max's heart was beating out of its chest that day like oh my gawd i made danyul laugh........... hahaha, thank you! i often forget i'm not just talking to myself on here, i'm grateful you're all indulging me!
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Indiposed (Noah Sebastian fanfic)
18+
Autors note: hi, thank you sm for taking the time to read my story! please let me know what u think of it. also, english is not my first language so i'm sorry if there will be any grammar and/or spellings mistakes, im trying my best :)
Summary: Hailey Clark is Noah's dressing assistant, and has been working for him and the rest of Bad Omens for half an year now. Hailey and Noah have always been attracted to each other, making teasing and sometimes flirtatious jokes back and forth, and became very close and caring for each other since the start of Hailey working for them. They always waited for that one right moment to finally give in to their desire for each other, but there hasn't been one yet, also with the fear of others and their management. Until that one after party after a succesful show arrives and they simply cannot hide their feelings for oneanother anymore, with all its consequences...
CW/TW's throughout the story: Smut, sexual talk, mentioning religion, mention of ed and (bad) mental health/depression, bad relationship with parents/family, christian family history, alcohol use, smoking (cigarettes) [if i forgot something please let me know]
prologue
The sigh that escaped from my mouth wasn't as calm as I hoped to be. I have been looking everywhere for my just newly bought makeup brushes that I've just used for Jolly half an hour ago. How the hell did I already lose them? Lead singer Noah Sebastian-basically the star of the show-is the last band member left for makeup and dressing. Of course.
I've been their personal makeup and dressing assistant for half a year now. The job pays quite well, I was already very impressed by the band and their music before doing this and I can do something I love every day, so I've been feeling very thankful for being able to do this. Through the last six months I have built a very close bond and friendship with the band and the rest of the crew, something that has helped even more with doing this every day.
Tonight will be a pretty big show, so being stressed is an understatement right now. I am quite the perfectionist, so my makeup brushes suddenly missing now is just as chaotic in my head as how the dressing room currently is. `Goddamnit,´ I curse to myself. 
`Seems like someone is in need of some assistance,´ I hear Noah saying, so I turn around to look at him with hopeless eyes. A grin is appearing on his face as he walks over to me, and I have no energy right now to make a remark back to him. That's quite how our friendship has been built up to-make (sarcastic, playful or mostly from Noah's side, sassy) remarks to each other, teasing, or mess with each other. Sure, we can have some normal conversations as well, but we love to get to each other most of the time.
I can tell he freshly washed his mid-length hair as it is still a little damp, and it covers his eyes for a moment so he pushes it back with his hand. He wears a simple black shirt and short pants, with half-worn sneakers underneath and a bottle of water in his other hand where he has drinked out before. 
`You are the last member I need to style. I can't seem to find my damn brushes anywhere…´
`Relax, darling, you'll be fine. Maybe I can help you with your brush set?´ he says in a sort of playful way, and I quickly roll with my eyes, not in the mood to joke about it right now.
`Please, Noah, I'm trying not to freak out. You should know by now how important being organized and scheduled is to me. You guys have to go up on stage in like…´ I look at the watch on my right wrist, and my eyes grow wide. `An hour and a half. Oh shit.´
`Well, that's a lot of time darling, what's the rush?´ Noah answers, looking at his own watch himself, and then back to me. His face remains calm, and I know he is saying this and acting like this to keep me calm and focused myself. I know he can be a little control freak himself, but he has gotten pretty good at making sure I am more stable before him. He knows how my brain works by now, and I have always found it a sweet gesture that he cares more about my own sanity most of the time than his.
`Well, everything just has to go…´
´Perfectly. I know,´ he finishes my sentence before I can. Like I said, he knows me too well by now. 
`And it won't be without those brushes?´ Noah raises his eyebrows slightly with the corners of his mouth slightly curled. 
`Noah, think about the lighting. The different kinds of colors, the almost 2 hours you guys have to perform-no offense but, that sweat needs to be at least a little bit covered. And then there's your outfit…´ I ramble on, and I know that I might sound insane, but I don't care at this moment-I just want my makeup set to be complete, goddamnit.
He slightly chuckles, and says: `Fine, fine, let's go look for your brushes…´ 
He moves closer to me and puts my hand on my hip while doing so, a little amused smile now forming on his lips.
`Focus,´ I mumble, trying to ignore his touch. I must admit that sometimes, moments like these are hard to resist for me. We have not only built a great friendship in the last half year, but also a kind of mutual attraction to each other. There have been moments where we can be touchy, sometimes n79t even thinking much about it or realizing it-and no one has really reacted weird to it, not even the rest of the band or the crew. They have gotten used to it by now, and so have we. But, sometimes the touch can be or feel a little… intense. I can feel myself wishing for more, I can feel the tension in the air, I can see the twinkle and desire in his eyes… and I am sure I have looked at him the same way every time. We never really had a moment to act into it, or the confidence, I guess. We just let it happen and let it go after. Well, also because I want to at least try to keep our relationship still a little bit professional as well, since I love this job and I do not want to lose it.
Noah rolls his eyes and removes his hand from my hip, and just as he does that, he takes the warmth of his body with him, but he doesn't move away from me. `Yeah, yeah, I'm focused… lead the way,´he responds with a playful grin on his face, moving just a little closer to still feel his proximity. 
I tell him spots to look at, and at some point I am even looking through my own damn lunchbox, but I sigh out of relief when I find the brushes in a not well lit corner of the dressing room (are we surprised that their dressing rooms are mostly very dark?) underneath a pile of random clothes I tried on Jolly before. `I got them,´ I say with a relieved, tired smile. I'm surprised that they even got here, since I am usually very organized, but I think that I got them there out of a blur of stress-some shows just give me more stress than the others.
`There you go! See, you really didn't need to be all stressed out. How many times do I tell you that you are always more worked up than you actually have to be? Or is this an excuse to just spend some more time with me?´ he responds teasefully, and I roll with my eyes while holding back a smile. I can tell he is excited and looks forward to the show from tonight-which I do not blame him for, they will be performing for one of their biggest crowds.
`No Noah, I'm doing what I am getting paid for. Now sit,´ I demand him and pat the makeup chair.
`Do I get a say in this, or should I just comply from the get go?´ he asks me with a raised eyebrow, his smirk growing a bit wider as he slowly sits down on the chair.
`I think you should shut your ignorant mouth and let me do my thing,´ I jokingly said, but also really, really wanted to start now because time is ticking by.
Of course his smirk only grows bigger because of that comment, I should have known. `Yes ma'am…´ he says in a sarcastic way, moving his head closer to me with his eyes closed so I can finally start my work.
While I do so, I furrow my eyebrows in concentration like I always do, taking some sips of water in between, since this arena is not really cool with the warmth of outside to say the least. `Almost done,´ I let Noah know.
He sits perfectly still while he watches me, the silence only interrupted by the sound of the music from the opening act, coming from the main stage. I can notice him taking in the details of my face, something I sometimes catch him doing, and it makes me swallow while I try to focus on the finishing touches. 
`How much longer until you're done?´ he asks after a minute, I guess to get out of the silence a bit.
`Done,´ I say right after that, stepping back to look at him for the last time and then nod, to give reassurance to myself.
`And just like that she's done,´ he says while getting up from the makeup chair, and he smiles at me after. `You're always doing a good job at this, I hope you know that.´
I smile at him, needing to look up since he is taller than me. `Thank you Noah.´ I turn around and get out a rack with his clothes. `Now all that's left to do is to get you into your clothes.´
I can notice that Noah can't hide his own stress anymore, because he sighs and looks at the time on his phone.. `Yeah, let's do that.´ He walks toward the clothing rack to put his first outfit on, and while doing so he looks at me. `Will you be there by the side stage to watch us?´
`Yes, tonight I will be,´ I smile. `Can't miss one of you guys biggest shows.´
Noah looks at me with a thankful and kind of relieved face, nodding and when he starts putting his clothes on, I try not to get distracted by his torso, his biceps, his tattoos… like I said before, one night it's easier than the other. I can tell that he notices me struggling, because a smooth smirk is appearing from time to time on his face. Asshole.
He cracks his fingers and neck when he is fully dressed, something I always try not to cringe about because of the sound. He quickly looks at me in an apologizing manner, and then again at the time on his phone after. `Well… I should go to the other guys. Show is almost about to start.´
`Yes, good luck Noah,´ I say with a smile while leaning into him for a hug, something that has become a ritual every night for us by now. `You got this. You always do.´
He hugs me back tightly, his other hand moving and holding the back of my neck as well. `Thank you, Hailey,´ he quietly whispers in my ear, letting go of me after a few seconds. `It'll be one hell of a show.´
The corners of my mouth rise again. `It will be.´
`And I hope to see you after it too? Because the show is not the only thing that'll be one hell of a hit tonight,´ he adds with a grin.
`The after party of course,´ I say, and to be honest I had been kinda forgetting about it, my focus was too much on making everyone's look as perfect as possible. `Yeah, I will be there.´
I can see that he wants to continue this conversation by the way his lips part again, him being distracted by the idea of the afterparty, so I quickly pat his head and say: `Now, get out of here. Go rock the show like you always do.´ I even start pushing him towards the exit, which makes him let out a laugh.
`Okay okay, damn. Don't worry-I'll make sure to give them a night they'll never forget.´
Little do I know, that it indeed will be a night the both of us will never forget, or be able to.
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seventh-district · 5 days
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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megumi 🤝🏽 yuuji
dying even if it’s only for a good minute only to be brought back to life bc fate realizes if they died for real then they would need to find someone else to fuck over. those two are like fates favorite barbie dolls.
apologies if this post is going to seem all over the place, just bear with me. i don’t even know if you’re going to see this BUT it’s okay bc i need to get this out my system 😭.
starting off — god, imagine the chaos that will ensue when megumi tells nobara & yuuji about his very tragic history with the zenins. but like he wouldn’t even tell them straight up, he’ll just make a little deadpan joke (my sarcastic, sassy son) & the others would look at him like : ??? wtf do you mean by that sea urchin head???
like imagine itafushikugi going shopping for like traditional japanese clothes for a little festival or some shit (megumi was dragged by his spikes to come along) & nobara is having the time of her life finding outfits for her & the boys. like it got to the point where she’s dressing them herself & she shows megumi an outfit that looked similar to the robe he was forced to wear bc of the zenin (it’s obviously not the same) & megumi just refuses to wear a robe with similar color patterns to the zenin robe.
megumi: that looks like the outfit the zenin forced me to wear. i wonder what happened to it, cause the last thing i know, i got blood all over it. so as the second member of the zenin hate club, im not wearing that….
megumi: wait that blue one looks decent. i’m going to try it on.
nobara:
yuuji:
nobara: …did he really leave without giving us the “ getting blood on a zenin’s robe” story?
imagine maki complaining about naoya in front of the first years, & maki just brings up naoya’s onesided beef with megumi & her stories of how naoya was so petty back in his childhood made him remember who tf naoya is (megs have selective memory, it’s okay)
megumi: ugh, he was so annoying. i remember when he came to my middle school back when gojo was busy dealing with the aftermath of his evil ex boyfriend evil plan & he basically kidnapped me. i was stuck in a car with that man for 40 minutes..you would hate him nobara.
maki: yeah you would hate him nobara.
yuuji: i’m sorry he kidnapped you??? why did you say that so casually?
nobara: fuck that. megumi is a disney princess, we know this already. BUT we’re just gonna gloss over gojo had an evil boyfriend?
& imagine when megumi finally tells his friends about the zenin clan was when yuuji just came back from the dead & they were asking how tf that’s possible. & somewhere in that conversation megumi just let it slip that his heart stopped beating once & itakugi looks at him in silence:
megumi: yeah the zenin clan basically forced me to exorcise some curses & complete a ritual to get a snake — that snake fucking bit me. it was my least favorite. but yeah i basically died. then yuuta brought me back. then i was blind for a good minute.
nobara, yuuji, & even sukuna:
megumi: it was a terrible time for me. gojo was even more clingier & protective. it got to a point where he started treating me like i was 6 again… reading me bedtime stories, singing me lullabies & describing the pictures in the stories since i was…yknow blind.
cue itakugi & even sukuna wanting to burn down the zenin but ofc they can’t do that…so they settle for pulling pranks on the members & traumatizing them ofc.
IM ALSO imagining how funny it would be for yuuji to be jealous of yuuta. like bro is basically living yuuji’s fantasy world. i’m giggling at the idea of yuuji fighting for his life to be either megumi favorite or nanami’s favorite.
you also opened my eye to the potential of maki & tsumiki… like i also like to imagine that in a happier world, they would understand each other on such a deep level. but they would also find parts of the other that they wished they had. but on a happier note i like to imagine that megumi would suffer whenever it was brought up that his aunt is basically dating his step sister. like maki would be a menace to megumi. every little thing he do? maki is texting tsumiki in a corner.
maki watching itafushi cook together in the kitchen: i can’t believe megumi has a boyfriend. it’s so cute that he thinks that he can hide this from me. lemme go snitch to tsumiki.
maki listening to megumi describe his fight with sukuna, a cursed spirit who apparently has a stripping problem: oh my god. megumi is truly yuuta’s boy. they both got cursed spirits obsessed with them…i need to tell tsumiki.
maki to megumi after witnessing his suicidal tendencies: don’t make me tell tsumiki.
i honestly love your story. the way you added so much more to megumi childhood is beautiful. it just make soooo much sense. but also your characterization of gojo is so precious to me. i’m waiting for gojo to go apeshit on the zenin. i’m also giggling in anticipation at gojo finding out about yuuta attachment to megumi. i like to imagine him to be kind of worried about it actually, bc that’s not fucking healthy. but i imagine him getting used to it since megumi will have a protector in the form of yuuta & his power of love.
i’m also curious to see mai’s role in this story since.
*sighs in disappointment at gege writing choices*
since she had a crush on megumi…yeah. but imma just interpret that as she wants to be his family. it keeps me sane
i also wanted to ask if there’s a chance that you would write a megumi POV of what happened in the zenin clan? ofc i would understand if you wouldn’t since it leaves a much more ominous feeling to the events. plus yuuta running commentary is a good mix of angst & humor so ofc i understand.
Yuuji: man fushiguro almost checks the boxes for a Disney princess. except he was never kidnapped or enslaved
Megumi, sold to the Zenin clan, who later kidnapped him: *sweating*
Nobara and Yuuji would be the co-vice presidents of the "fuck the Zenin clan" club if they knew what happened. They would be the presidents but yuuta and maki are already in a death match for the position and they're trying to avoid the bloodshed. they are not allowed to be treasurer because neither of them know how money works.
megumi is unaware that a formal club has been formed.
Megumi is suffering SO HARD in any world where maki and tsumiki are together. they won't stop ganging up on him when it comes to his love life and general wellbeing and holding hands where he has to see it. maki lectures him about his suicidal tendencies in the field, holds up one finger, calls tsumiki, and lets her pick up where she left off. maki tries to talk to him about relationships one (1) time and he tries to drown himself.
see i'm pretty open to writing a megumi POV but it, like most of my stories, falls in this nebulous category of "if i have the time." like, i've thought about writing megumi's pov before, there's a lot of stuff that happened that exists as like, background knowledge for me that will never make it through yuuta's pov because it doesn't make sense for yuuta to find out about it. It would be very tonally different, but if i did write it, it would be a different work entirely and i'd be making sea glass gardens into a series.
i'm eternally tempted by the siren call of making my works into a series. If i did it with sea glass gardens, i would want to add a one shot of Megumi's pov during the time leading up to sea glass gardens and a short multi-chapter of the gojo, nanami, shoko teen parenting trio. If I have the time, it will exist; if i don't, it won't.
#ironically the one thing that WOULD endear yuuta to yuuji is finding out about all of this#yuuji would instantly love him for all he did for Their Boy. it's the only way i see megumi actually fessing up to what happened#i think megumi's just someone who's really private and uncomfortable with people knowing a lot about him and he would try to hide this from#itakugi for as long as he could. it probably eats at him that the second years all saw him like this. i think he just hates feeling vulnera#megumi gives him the /extremely/ abridged version of events to get yuuji and nobara to chill about yuuta and how he acts (yuuji is convince#that there's no one who could be that perfect nobara keeps looking for homosexual explanations) and they instantly veer hard into finding#out everything there is to know about the zenin and how to hurt them and also yuuta's like. beloved in their eyes. megumi is their boy.#they love their boy. yuuta saved their boy. ergo they love yuuta now. it's simple math.#tonal shift is a huge sort of struggle with me as a writer just because i change my styles with every narrator#which is why it's kind of hard to flip between works if the tone is too different. i was trying to juggle sea glass gardens and toy rosarie#and i was just internally screaming b/c yuuta and jack could NOT be more different with narration styles and i was like 'fuckkkkkkkkk'#with yuuta i structure sentences with a lot of 'space' in them. i don't have a better word for it i'm not actually trained in writing so#it's all just whatever shit i made up along the way i have no officially terms. anyway. Yuuta's sentences are structured to have this sort#of detached distance between the actual message and the start of the sentence. So we end up with a lot of sentences that start w/ structure#like “yuuta thinks” and Yuuta feels“ b/c I think of yuuta as a very detached person because of how he lived. it's a survival mechanism.#a lot of the meat of what he feels has to come in almost absentmindedly. So you end up with Yuuta's suicide scene and losing the knife and#him having a line like “He swears he never meant any of the bad things he did” and the fact that he thinks his own survival is a bad thing#/he's/ to blame for is almost backdoor'd in as a given premise. it's assumed. it's not even the point of the sentence. he's been living wit#jack murdock meanwhile is an intensively retrospective character that's meant to make you almost feel claustrophobic from how “close” his#narration style is. a lot of the actual message is conveyed through imagined scenarios and emotional recollection. he's a character steeped#in regret who has been torturing himself with it for years. yuuta's survival mechanism is isolation but jacks been yearning to get back wha#he lost for so long and dreaming of it that he's steeped in really vivid internal imaginings.#with jack you have multipage lamentations remembering his son buying cereal with him but yuuta drops the fact that his parents stopped#loving him at some point and it's not even the most important thing in the sentence. it's included as a qualifier because yuuta has accepte#so much of the bad things that happened to him when he shouldn't have whereas jack hasn't accepted ANYTHING that happened.#Yuuta uses a lot of very clean cut grammatically correct narration and jacks is riddled with a bunch of “ain't's” and grammatical errors.#he has an accent for lack of a better term. so you end up w/ two characters who convey information in different ways prioritize different#info in their sentences use different sentence structures etc. so megumi would have a /very different/ style and tone from yuutas that woul#sort of shape any fic that came through him because all of my fics are primarily shaped through the narrator's voice. it's also why I set#kind of hard lines about whether a fic can have any narrator or just specific narrators b/c it determines the whole tone.
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milo-is-rambling · 10 months
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Going to eat a brown sugar cinnamon pop tart for the first time since my dad died. I’m craving it. It will make me cry. Going to hot box the bathroom while I take a bath and then cry and eat a pop tart in the bath. I’m bringing pocket joe for companionship
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born-to-lose · 2 years
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In my depressed era again <3
#for literally no reason ugh i hate it i hate it i hate it#probably a bad mix of overthinking and lovesickness again but what's new#i figured out why i like to do stuff until late at night until i fall asleep lol it's because i don't wanna be left alone with my thoughts#i guess that's why i could go such a long time without you know what... i always had lots of schoolwork to do and didn't have much time to-#-think about this kind of shit and once i don't have anything to do anymore i found myself in bed with a bleeding arm lmao#also let's call this my 'everyone i know hates me and my best friends despise me the most' era#still gonna stay up two more hours because i'm like a damn puppy who waits excitedly for their favorite person to come home from work#at this point i should maybe write all this shit in a diary but like. you know how my rambling posts start so y'all can just ignore#tldr i'm feeling like shit and i can't promise that i won't do something stupid again#i'm just too hung up on things that happened weeks ago but like what if it isn't actually ok now#also i know i'm too clingy and possessive with people i'm really close to but it's just my abandonment issues :(#and i know i fucked things up with other people (friendships and relationships) way too many times so i'm putting all i have into this one#still i feel like it's too much and too little at the same time idk i just Know when i really like someone and then i don't wanna lose them#but at the same time i often drive them away with my excessive love and attention because certain people are like some addiction to me#ok no that's too much already for now sorry#anyways i'm sobbing and shaking and feeling terrible and guilty#oh and unrelated but i nearly got run over by a car today 👍🏻 fucking hate drunk small town students in a mcd's parking lot#mel talks#tw self harm
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our-lady-of-mcr · 19 days
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#anyways im still mad today but its not lingering in my head like it was yesterday#thank fucking god for that lmfao#the more i think about it the more i realize that theres really no reason to be that upset bc yeah it sucks to lose#someone so close to me like that but......she was not afraid to give me red flags even when we were in a good place#and tbh this felt like a huge neon sign screaming get out while you can#and if the other girls we were friends with want nothing to do with me after this i honestly really do not care#i didnt see them often anyways and the one is basically still a teenager who drove me nuts 95% of the time#and the other 2 dont get into drama at all so i doubt they feel any type of way about me considering neither of them are that kind of person#im more annoyed that she did this right before we had plans for one of the girls birthdays and i have a feeling thats not happening anymore#i keep wanting to ask if were still doing anything but i would actually rather die than see b so..........no thank you#even if they do say anything ive already made other plans for tomorrow so......oh well#i feel so much less insane when everyone says i didnt do anything and its scaring me that i keep thinking back to the time era she accused#me of saying shit during and im like ???? i dont remember saying that. did i say that?? did i say you shouldnt have had your kid and i just#dont remember??? did i say we hang out to escape him and i just dont remember???? and all i can think of is false memories and a situation#where someone else said those things to me in that same time period. anyways i dont know why anyone would remember that specific of wording#if it wasnt to just be used as ammo later. but i genuinely dont remember saying any of that shit esp not that recently?????#and b is ungodly great at gaslighting and she also takes shit at face value and doesnt seek further info if shes not doing okay#so im just.....yeah im taking this as my sign#and to eliza from february.....bitch did i say any of that because i do not fucking remember it#self
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exopelagic · 6 months
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I love my degree I love my department I love my uni
#killing and biting and screaming#if I have to do one more thing ever again I’m gonna lose it I can’t wait for may I can’t wait for may#I had a very nice chat with a phd student today who confirmed everything I’ve been thinking from a different perspective#and let me tell you. vindication is nice.#I’m so close to things being bearable but to get there I have to make it through The Horrors. there are so many horrors#okay the one thing has happened someone’s asking me to read an email that’s it I’m done forever#I will keep going even though I’m gonna have to claw my way through. bc unfortunately I have responsibilities#such as ‘run this dumb club’ and ‘give this dumb presentation’ and ‘email these dumb supervisors’#and my friend is being so fucking annoying abt how we like the same supervisors and is complaining abt me going for similar people#oh people are fucking upstairs that’s fun love to hear it#anyway I’m literally sending her people to talk to and she’s complaining that I like the sound of this person she brings up.#sorry dude im not applying to shit I don’t like to save your ego#anyway I can’t wait to get out of this city maybe I’ll move somewhere else when I graduate and spend the year there#phd student earlier was suggesting places to go to get research assistant jobs#oh my god she was also talking abt how biology is so nepotistic it’s all abt the people you know#and then I go talk to the friend again whose dad has a fancy research job and she’s LITERALLY CITING HIM IN HER PRESENTATION#HE OFFERED TO GET HER A JOB AT DEFRA. HES GIVEN HER THE IDEAS FOR HER LAST TWO PROJECTS.#PEOPLE KEEP THINKING ITS CUTE AND COOL AND SHIT THAT SHES GETTING STUFF FROM HER DAD AND I WANT TO SCREAM#LAST YEAR SOMEONE TOLD HER SHE SHOULD PUBLISH THIS ANALYSIS SHE DID OF DATA SHE GOT FROM HER DAD. BC NOBODY ELSE HAS DONE ANYTHING WITH IT.#I’m gonna have to live with her next year#murder. murder#why did saving as draft give everything double tags will that show up when I post#weird.#I am being soooooo normal abt everything I can function so good sleep deprived#okay it’s fine. I’m gonna. finish eating. wash up. call home. write presentation. read this guy’s thing so I can email him. hockey?#very ambitious but if I get some things done that’s fine#luke.txt
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kindnessoverperfection · 10 months
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Please, if you can, take a moment to read and share this because I feel like I'm screaming underwater.
NPD (Narcissistic Personality Disorder) stigma is rampant right now, and seems to be getting progressively worse. Everyone is using it as a buzzword in the worst ways possible, spreading misinformation and hatred against a real disorder.
I could go on a long time about how this happened, why it's factually incorrect (and what the disorder actually IS), why it's harmful, and the changes I'd like to see. But to keep this concise, I'll simply link to a few posts under the cut for further reading.
The point of this post is a plea. Please help stop the spread of stigma. Even in mental health communities, even around others with personality disorders, in neurodivergent "safe" spaces, other communities I thought people would be supportive in (e.g. trans support groups, progressive spaces in general), it keeps coming up. So I'm willing to bet that a lot of people on this site need to see this.
Because it's so hard to exist in this world.
My disorder already makes me feel as if I'm worthless and unlovable, like there's something inherently wrong and damaged about me. And it's so much harder to fight that and heal when my daily life consists of:
Laughing and spending time with my friends, doing my utmost best to connect and stay present and focused on them, trying to let my guards down and be real and believe I'm lovable- when suddenly they throw out the word "narcissist" to describe horrible people or someone they hate, or the conversation turns to how evil "people with narcissistic personality disorder" are. (Seriously, you don't know which of your friends might have NPD and feels like shit when you say those things & now knows that you'd hate them if you knew.)
Trying to look up "mental health positivity for people with npd", "mental health positivity cluster bs", only to find a) none of that, and b) more of the same old vile shit that makes me feel terrible about myself.
Having a hard time (which is constant at this point) and trying to look up resources for myself, only to again, find the same stigma. And no resources.
Not having any clue how to help myself, because even the mental health field is spitting so much vitriol at people with DISORDERS (who they're supposed to be helping!) that there's no solid research or therapy programs for people like me.
Losing close friends when they find out, despite us having had a good relationship before, and them KNOWING me and knowing that I'm not like the trending image of pwNPD. Because now they only see me through the lens of stigma and misinformation.
Hearing the same stigma come up literally wherever I go. Clubs. Meetings. Any online space. At the bus stop. At the mall. At a restaurant. At work. Buzzword of the year that everyone loooves loudly throwing around with their friends or over the phone. Feels awesome for me, makes my day so much better/s
I could go on for a long time, but I'm scared no one will read/rb this if it gets too much longer.
So please. Stop using the word "narcissist" as a synonym for "abusive".
Stop bringing up people you hate who you believe to have NPD because of a stigmatizing article full of misinformation whenever someone with actual NPD opens their mouth. (Imagine if people did that with any other disorder! "Hey, I'm autistic." "Oh... my old roommate screamed at me whenever I made noise around him, and didn't understand my needs, which seems like sensory overload and difficulty with social cues. He was definitely autistic. But as long as you're self-aware and always restraining your innate desire to be an abusive asshole, you're okay I guess, maybe." ...See how offensive and ignorant that is?)
Stop preventing healthcare for people with a disorder just because it's trendy to use us as a scapegoat.
If you got this far, thank you for reading, and please share this if you can. Further reading is under the cut.
NPD Criteria, re-written by someone who actually has NPD
Stigma in the DSM
Common perception of the DSM criteria vs how someone may actually experience them (Keep in mind that this is the way I personally experience these symptoms, and that presentation can vary a lot between individuals)
"Idk, the stigma is right though, because I've known a lot of people with NPD who are jerks, so I'm going to continue to support the blockage of treatment for this condition."
(All of these were written by me, because I didn't want to link to other folks' posts without permission, but if you want to add your own links in reblogs or replies please feel free <3)
#actuallynpd#signal boost#actuallyautistic#mental health awareness#narcissistic personality disorder#people also need to realize that mental health professionals aren't immune from bias#(it really shouldn't come as a shock that the mental health field has a longstanding pattern of misunderstanding and mistreating ppl who ar#mentally ill or otherwise ND)#the first therapist i brought up NPD to like. literally pulled out the DSM bc she could barely remember the criteria. then said that there'#no way I have it because I have low self-esteem lmaoooooo#anyway throwback to being at work and chatting with a co-worker. and the conversation turning to mental health. and him saying that#he tries to stay informed and be aware and supportive of mental health conditions & that he doesn't want to be ignorant or spread harmful#misinformation. and then i mentioned that i do a lot of research into mental health stuff and i listed a bunch of things. which included#several personality disorders. one of which was NPD.#and after listening to my whole ass list he zeroed in on the NPD and immediately started talking about how narcissists are abusive and#he knew someone who had NPD and how the person who had it had an addiction and died from the addiction in a horrible way and he#was glad he did#fun times#or when i decided to be vulnerable and talk abt my self-criticism/self-hatred bc i knew my friends also struggled w that and i wanted to#support them by sharing my own coping methods. and they both(separately!) started picking and prodding at my npd through the lens of stigma#bc i'd recently opened up to them abt having it. they recognized self-hatred as a symptom and still jumped on me for it. despite me#trying to share hurt vulnerable parts of myself to help them and connect with them.#again..... fun times
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dannnnnny666 · 9 days
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Day 12: Time Travel
“Sooooo Phantom, do ya have any siblings?” Kid Flash asked as he tried to make small talk with the newest recruit to the team.
A few days ago, Young Justice was called to a meeting by Batman where he introduced their new team mate, Phantom. Phantom was a tough looking dude, he was jacked and towered over them all, even Conner!
Batman didn’t give them much information about the guy but apparently John Constentine was the one who suggested him for the team since he needed “community service hours”.
The dude was currently drinking some soda next to the computer as Red Robin searched for any new info on their latest mission. He turned his attention away from the can, and stared at Wally, his red eyes piercing into his soul.
“Why?” 
“Well we are all about to go on a mission together and none of us really know you so I think it’d be best if we all got to know you better,” that was half true. Mostly Wally was just being nosey, but the dude really did make everyone nervous since he was this really tough dude with blood red eyes and apparently was here because John Constentine said he needed community service hours???? Constentine typically say some wild shit, but what the fuck do you mean by community service? Wally knows you can’t use those for school, he’s tried, and what else gave you community service? Juvie and prison!!
Phantom stared at him hard for a few seconds, his eyes searing into the back of Wally’s skull before saying, “Okay fine”.
The answer surprised everyone in the room, I mean the guy had barely even spoken the last few days and had rejected every question about his personal life.
“Depending on how you see it, I have 2 to 4 siblings”
“Is your father a serial adopter too?” Tim joked.
“Yes and no”
“Huh?” 
“It’s pretty complicated,” Phantom shrugged, seemingly deciding to end the conversation there and taking another swig of his drink.
However, Tim, out of annoyances of every attempt to get to know this jerk being thwarted and a bit of confidence his family was more complicated, decided to challenge Phantom’s statement.
“Ehh, it probably isn’t as complicated as my family, we got about 50 more siblings adopted each month, all with lots much trauma”
At this, Phantom narrowed his eyes at Tim.
“I see what your doing, your trying to get me to talk tell you guy more about my family by acting like yours are more insane”
“Am I?” Tim asked, trying to hide the shivers going down his spine from the way Phantom was staring at him.
Phantom to a huge swig of his soda, emptying it and throwing it into the garbage, before fully turning to Tim.  
“You’re lucky I am always good for competitions, now sit down this is going to take a bit”
Tim gladly obliged and soon everyone sat around Phantom as if it were storytime in kindergarten.
“Okay, so at first I only had an older sister and my parents” Phantom began, “but then they died because of a mistake I made and I had to move in with my evil godfather”
Megan raised her hand and asked, “Isn’t a godfather someone who is very close to the family? Why would your parents choose an evil person?”
“‘Cause my dad was oblivious to this and though they were good friends even though the dudes tried to kill him multiple times”
“I see,” Megan lowered her hand, no less confused.
“There I went mad with grief and had him remove my humanity and tried to kill all of humanity”
“I think that was a bit of an overreaction,” Wally joked.
“You tried to kill all of humanity? Why weren’t we told of this when it happened?” Kaldur'ahm asked.
“That was in a different timeline, I was a big enough problem that they gods tried to kill the younger version of me to stop me, so to avoid dying, my younger version decide to try to defeat me and the only reason he did was cause I was underestimating him,” Phantom emphasized the last part because he had to stress he didn’t not lose to a 15 year old boy because he was weaker than him.
“What happened next?,” Artemis asked, completely inraptured in the story.
“I was then imprisoned for sometime before escaping, causing problems and then realizing that causing younger mean the same pain I experienced won't bring my loved ones back,” Phantom continued to explain, “so I am now going to therapy, doing community service, and got the majority of my powers taken away”.
“Is your therapist open to seeing new patients?” Konner asked.
“No, but this timelines version of my sister is and she has a lot of experience so I can give you her number instead”
“Sure, that’ll work”
“Okay,” Phantom said before writing her number down and handing it to Konner, “The thing is I can’t go back to living with my real parents because they don’t know that I am Phantom so I have to go back to living this timelines version of my godfather”
“You gotta be kidding me” Tim groans.
“Exactly what I said!!” Phantom put his arm up defensively, “Fortunately, this version is a little better, he is no longer tiring to kill my dad and has stopped chasing after my mom, he did clone the other of me and now there is a genderbent version of him but my godfather treats her like a princess and will not stop spoiling her, which I am also guilty of”
Phantoms continues to explain more and in the back of Tim's mind he remembers he was supposed to be doing something but honestly this conversation was too good to care.
“Anyways that's how I technically have 2 to 4 siblings, Jazz and Elle are permanently my sisters and I love them so much, and even though the other Jazz is technically the same as this Jazz, I still think of her as someone else, someone I miss dearly. Also if I considered this Jazz my sister, I guess I’d have to considered the other me as my brother”
“Damn bitch your family is crazy” Wally said, happy he finally managed to get through Phantom’s tough skin.
As they finished up their storytime, the Zeta-tubes activated and Red Tornado and an upset looking Batman walked to the group.
“You all were supposed to leave thirty minutes ago”
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gwaindrifter · 1 year
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fuck
#I am under so much stress and heartache right now#that I really am just being held together by the thinnest thread right now#my dysphoria is through the roof#and I feel like the people I care about don't and never will really see me as a woman#and on top of that everytime I step in my parents' house I surrounded by pretransition photos on me#including a fucking painting of me as 4 year old done by my homophobic uncle thats hanging prominently in the living room#and I will lose my shit if one more person close to me or someone i care about dies#because everytime i turn around another person drops dead#including a man I viewed as a pinnacle of strength and wit wasting away slowly from brain cancer#and everywhere i turn people i care about are having health issues crop up#including my father who i already worried working himself to death from always helping people#having to have a procedure done that im so worried he's not going to actually rest and recover from#that im trying to trick him into getting addicted to a video game so that he'll fucking sit down#and im still worried that ive nuked several of my relationships with people through a combination of trauma response and my own stupidity#and i know healing takes time but i have an incessant need to fix things that ive inherited from my father#and while money isnt to much of an issue now#if i dont find a job and one that i enjoy soon im going to lose my fucking mind from just sitting around my house all day#like i really shouldnt have quit my old job even though i hated it because being unemployed is so much worse#also while minor im freaking out about finding a new RPG for my gaming group to play#because i feel like ive let them down by prematurely ending our current campaign because i cant move forward with it#and if i dont find some proper stress relief soon#im going to hurl myself against a wall
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rad-batson · 1 year
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Headcanons of Tim and Damian’s Love/Hate/But-Mostly-Begrudging-Love Relationship (They’re My Babies)
They will take EVERY opportunity to be a little bitch to one another
Tim: “Don’t get too close to me. You probably have rabies.” Damian: *actually bites him*
Damian tripped Tim once, which started an all out prank war that lasted several months. It only ended when Bruce walked into a glue trap and couldn’t reach his phone to call for help. But he couldn’t figure out who put it there so they were both grounded. (It was Tim.)
Tim teaches Damian to finish his vine references when Bruce tells them they need to “bond.” They proceed to try and speak in exclusively vine references and TikTok sounds during patrol. Bruce benches them for his own sanity.
Damian: “I’m not touching you” *gets pushed down the stairs*
Tim: “I’m not in your room” *gets hit in the face with a book*
Tim calls Damian short even tho he’s only like two inches taller for quite a bit of time (and Damian never hears the end of it after Tim’s growth spurt)
Family Game Night could go in one of two ways: they’re opponents and spend the whole night one-upping each other OR they team up and wipe the floor with everyone else’s pieces
Damian: “Just trust me.” Tim: *remembering that one time Damian tried to kill him* “Okay.”
Tim: “Don’t ask questions.” Damian: *recalling the multiple genocidal Tim variants* “Whatever.”
During one Wayne Gala, they make up this game called Freestyle Checkers where they choose guests as their “pieces” then subtly manipulate them into walking to their opponent’s side of the ballroom without talking to someone from the other team or they’re out. No one can know that they’re part of a game or their opponent wins by default.
Bruce is proud of them at first for being more sociable during galas until he realizes what’s going on and immediately loses five years from his lifespan.
Both have attempted to fake their deaths to get out of the same school project
They’re both notorious for stalking people to get information instead of just…ya know…asking like a normal person. So they’re bound to team up one day.
Like maybe it’s Bruce’s birthday soon and both are like “No, I’m getting him the better present,” but then they run into each other in the vents trying to find out what he wants and they end up trading secrets. Just brotherly things
Tim: “I need you to follow this guy for me. I think he’s our culprit.” Damian: “I would rather die than take orders from you.” Tim: “I’ll buy you that fancy oil painting kit you want.” Damian: *already changing into his Robin gear* “Where is he?”
Tim makes Damian play the dumb, helpless kid in all of their covert operations, which pisses Damian off until he gets so good at it that he uses it to his advantage and annoys the hell out of Tim when they’re paired up for public appearances
“God, he’s so annoying.” “Yeah, totally.” “What the fuck did you say about my brother?”
Damian is the only person who can get Tim to actually sleep for once. No one knows how he does it, but the strongest theory so far is blackmail
Tim “I’m ignoring Bruce’s instructions because they failed the vibe check” Drake and Damian “I can totally do this mission that requires four people on my own” Wayne teaming up behind Bruce’s back and immediately getting into deep shit but somehow making it out alive with the bad guys behind bars.
During one of said missions, they thought they were going to die and said “I love you” to one another. After they survived, they silently agreed to never mention it again.
Damian gifts Tim a new board that he designed for his birthday. It took weeks. Tim cries
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kisses4choso · 8 months
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#SUPER SHY
SYNOPSIS: their praises are just too much for you, but in their eyes, you're deserving of every last one of them, and more. CHARACTERS: SANJI, ZORO, & LUFFY WARNINGS: short headcanons, foul language with zoro bc it's zoro, duh! NOTE: @matsunok02 is the lovely person who requested this, but i can't tag you, so i hope this finds its way to you!
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SANJI:
your number one hypeman, no matter what.
you put in effort to dress up? he's going to lay down over muddy puddles so your new outfit won't get dirty.
you dressed down today? he's absolutely in awe of your 'effortless beauty', in his words.
when you shy away from compliments, it breaks his heart a little bit
he loves to talk and talk about you, so seeing that it might make you feel uncomfortable makes him rethink a little...
when he realizes it's because you feel undeserving?
he's not having it at ALL.
will make you do self-affirmations; he's not playing
"you're beautiful." "..." "well?" "i'm beautiful..." "I KNOW RIGHT?!"
he's kinda (really) annoying about it, but he's naturally cheesy so you gotta put up with it
and he doesn't limit himself to looks
no, he's ALL about you
you saved the crew's ass with a last minute strategy? you must be a genius!
and he goes into DETAIL
his strategy is mostly getting you used to compliments, so over time they don't feel so disconcerting to receive
if you're one of those people that deflects a compliment by complimenting someone back... he's gonna get you outta that habit
"look at you, i've got you all to myself? how luck-" "you look handsome too." "hm, i wasn't done. let's try that again."
and once you gain confidence around him? he's going insane.
something about your shy smile gets him GOING.
"you're an angel." "thank you, sanji." "ohmygodyou'resosexy."
10/10 confidence booster, might call you cringe petnames but worth it
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ZORO
tbh... zoro isn't one for compliments
but he's honest, a man of his word
so if a shirt is unflattering, trust me he'll say "that shirt's ugly as shit"
you ask him how something looks on you really often
he might be saying "DAMN" in his head
his heart's pounding, he's having a coughing attack, he feels lightheaded, and suddenly he's losing grip on his swords...
but out loud? you're getting a "looks nice"
not even a full sentence, sorry
you'll probably hear more skill-based compliments
imagine the crew's celebrating a successful trip with a round of drinks and they're about to make a toast for you
(bc you kicked ass)
and you try to push the credit onto SOMEONE ELSE?
he's ready to fight you
"luffy tripped over his own feet and face planted, sanji missed a kick and started spinning, chopper and ussop fell overboard, nami steered us until we almost tipped over, robin got locked in a storage room, and i almost drowned. give yourself some credit."
now wtf are you gonna answer to that? nothing... so as everyone else is laughing and retelling their stories, he just brings his bottle close to yours, "cheers."
tough love
but he's so serious. you work hard for your acheivements, so if you won't recognize them yourself, he will.
now if you're tryna get a compliment compliment from him?
drunk zoro
he's like 1 shot away from passing out, slurring his words and all
"hmm? oh, where'd y'get that? s'pretty, yeah."
"that smile's gonna kill me one day."
"shit, y'look cute."
"fuck, don't look t'me like that."
yeah, alcohol is his worst enemy.
in the end, he mostly just shows you how he feels through actions LOL...
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LUFFY
oh, he's completely unaware
but he's always tryna hype everyone up, and you're not an exception
will ALWAYS compliment you after a fight against the marines
"you did really well out there, let's get a meal to celebrate!"
if you go, "i was kinda useless, i don't know"
he's like "???"
just take the compliment because he's genuinely concerned and will argue with you until you give up
"what do you mean?" "it wasn't my best" "which means you're amazing even when you're not trying?" "oh" "yeah! cmon lets eat!"
if you compliment him, it turns into a competition
"i like your shirt, luffy." "thanks, yours is cute too!" "well, i think it goes nicely with your hat." "i think yours goes well with your shoes." "have you been working out more?" "i have, did you paint your nails a new color? they look cool!"...
yeah, it's never ending bc he doesnt know how to stfu
but trust, you'll never feel like luffy's lying to make you feel better
he's got a way with words when hes not being idiotic
"y'know, you're the kindest person i've met. i'm so lucky to have you next to me."
LIKE DAMNNN why are we being poetic
but if luffy's anything, he's genuine
so trust that the big stupid smile on his face when he sees you is something he cannot hold back
"why're you smiling like that?" "just happy to see you!"
and you're getting tackled to the ground
he doesn't expect anything back when he praises you, he does it because he feels like it
just don't try to deny it because he will NOT allow anyone, including you, to slander your name
also, whatever captain says goes
so if he says you're the bravest, prettiest, nicest, least smelly person in the entirety of the sea, it's true
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just something quick to put out ><
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erosastro · 11 days
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Astro observations 💜✨
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💜 Scorpio placements are the types to dish but can’t take. So they’ll be telling you some ish and expect you to take it lightly and laugh but if you do it back to them, they be mad and defensive af😭 and I’ve seen this with so many Scorpio placements it’s insane.
💜Speaking of Scorpio placements, they can be shit talkers too, especially if they have Gemini and Sagittarius placements. Gemini and Sagittarius kind of have that reputation, esp geminis but y’all have no idea how conniving scorpios can be, especially if they feel like they’ve been done wrong/things don’t work out the way they wanted it to.
💜Promise this isn’t a Scorpio roast lol I’ve just been noticing some patterns especially with the whole drake and Kendrick thing 💀
💜the sign you have in your seventh house is who you’ll be naturally drawn to, to some extent your fifth house too (you’d be attracted to them). For example, if you have Pisces seventh house, you’d be attracted to Pisces placements. If you have Capricorn fifth house, you’d be attracted to Capricorn placements. It could also work for the planets in that house. So if you have Sun in seventh in Pisces you could also like Leo placements.
💜Your best friend(s) could either have one or more of your big three in their big three too. For example if you have an Aquarius moon, your best friend could have an Aquarius Sun or Rising. It could even be the exact same placement, so if you have a Virgo moon, your best friend could also have a Virgo moon.
💜Aquarius, Aries and Pisces placements are most likely to experiment with their hair and try wild styles/colours.
💜Saturn in 8th house could mean a delay in intimacy, especially sexual intimacy. It could also indicate a fear of death/losing someone close to them.
💜Chiron in third house can show a difficulty in early learning phases and issues with siblings.
💜Lilith and Pluto in first house come across as very intimidating (they are).
💜Aries and Sagittarius mercuries are some of the most blunt people I’ve ever met.
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💜Let me love some Scorpios a bit because I feel like I’ve done y’all dirty I’m sorry 😭🫶🏽 Scorpios are very protective over their friends. If you mess with someone close to them, you mess with them too.
💜Libra, Aquarius and Leo placements like to take random pictures of everything. Their camera roll is probably filled with sunset pics then a random pic of a fire hydrant.
💜I’m still learning about solar return charts but it’s definitely true what they say about a ninth house stellium. You could plan a trip and travel during that year and also consider furthering your education, especially tertiary education. I’ve already planned a trip and am going to do my honours lol.
💜Gemini and Virgo placements love reading. They’re fr proper bookworms. Ruled by mercury, it’s not surprising that they do.
💜Honestly, Sagittarius placements are some of the most optimistic and happiest people I’ve met. (Yes even mercuries). They’re always looking at the brighter side of things and are more of a “glass half full” type of person. I don’t think I’ve ever met a pessimistic Sagittarius placement person.
💜Ruler of the fourth house in the ninth in your solar return could indicate moving away/out of your house and possibly abroad.
💜I’m sorry but Leo placements cannot take a hint 😭 especially if they’re rejected in some way, they’ll still try their luck and flirt with someone even after they’ve rejected them.
💜Venus in 11th have a lot of their friends that develop a crush on them. They’re alluring and unique and it draws a lot of their friends in.
💜Aquarius, Pisces and Cancer placements LOVE the beach. They feel the best when they’re in the ocean.
💜Right then after a lot of debate, the signs that can really hold a grudge are Cancer placements, Scorpio placements and Libras(yes Libras!! Especially Mars, they’ll be hella passive aggressive).
💜Don’t piss off Aquarius placements. They may be sweet but if you ever piss one off, they’ll act like you don’t exist. Especially Aquarius Moon and Mars.
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thank you for reading!
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sunkissed-zegras · 30 days
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𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋𝐅𝐑𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐃 ─ PB⁵
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౨ৎ ─ summary | paigey being your girlfriend - a list of relationship "headcanons"
─ warnings | in a bullet-point formatting, i hope you guys like it! fluff (lmk if yall want nsfw ones bc i can provide), paige being DOWN BAD, social media tingz, maybe alluding to being outed but not really, some angst but you can skip over it, paigey being protective (duh), nothing else?
─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!
─ ev's notes | THIS IS SUCH LONG MESS BECAUSE I'M HAVING PAIGE BRAINROT RN, but i hope y'all enjoy nonetheless LOL being in my paige era i've read so many of these and i'm sure you guys have as well, so i'm making this as unique (or descriptive) as i possibly can to make it because it's more fun to read (and write cus im a sucker for details)
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PRE-RELATIONSHIP STUFF
when you guys first started dating, i feel like paige would be kind of secretive about it
maybe secretive isn't the right word but very... private but not secret type of vibe (at least irl)
not because she doesn't want to show you off, because believe me, she wants to (she's a bragger what can i say)
but just because she wants to keep you all to herself for a while
she knows that as soon as people find out about it, everyone will be talking about it and making assumptions and she just wants to keep you to herself
at least for a couple months
she doesn't care about the public's opinions but she wants to make sure that y'all are LOCKED IN before she makes it public on social media
but it's clear to paige that y'all are very much locked in after the first couple weeks
she's not new to relationships and she's had her fair share but she can tell that it's different now
so the whole "not sure if i wanna hard/soft launch her cus what if we're not a long term" sentiment turns into "i wanna keep this special thing to myself ONLY for at least a couple months"
and of course the entire team knows paige is down bad for you, they've never ever seen her this WHIPPED
because paige seems like she'd be nonchalant and SHE IS... for people she doesn't give a fuck about
so when she likes someone, she LIKES someone
she is extra what can i say
they tease her about it and in any other situation, she would be annoyed but she loooooooves it because it's like "yeah i'm in the best most awesome relationship with the cutest sweetest and kindest girl in the PLANET"
you and paige would've definitely known of each other since freshman year but like... she's kinda intimidating so you sorta tried to steer clear of her
you were really close with some of the girls on the team, specifically azzi so you saw paige kind of a lot
but sophomore year, azzi kind of pushed you guys to be close and since she knows you guys so well, IT WORKED!
you guys clicked so quick and that doesn't happen a lot with paige, it takes a lot to earn her friendship
but you practically ripped down all her walls within like an hour of talking to her
definitely the first one to catch feelings
at least... to her ;)
very much friends to lovers trope with lots of sexual tension cus who doesn't love that?
i feel like after 3 months of being really close friends, you guys would spend like a shit ton of time together
you guys were ALWAYS together
she even tried to convince you to come to practice with her but you said no cus... what the heck
everyone knows... EVERYONE knows that paige likes you
and it kind of becomes like cemented (for paige at least) after she realized you were her literal COMFORT PERSON
like after every terrible, long practice or after losing games all she wants to do is be AROUND YOU so she could forget about everything
especially when she gets injured, she's such a wreck and the only person who made her feel better was you
it wasn't even what you said or what you did, it was simply just you
and after going through such a bad time with you, she realized that she liked you and she can't keep pretending
and she asked you (yaya!) and you said yes cus you liked her back (yaya!) and everything is just YAYA
so it's safe to say she knows she's found her soulmate within a month of knowing you
but she doesn't wanna seem like she's love-bombing you or whatever so she pretended to be nonchalant
which of course FAILS because she's down bad
so she tells you she loves you within like a month of dating
i KNOW it seems bad but you guys both felt it because of the whole injury and spending every moment together
when you know, you know vibes
she told you she loved you after you were there for her through some of the worst times of her life and you said it back of course and it's all cutesy
paige's love language is TOTALLY quality time and touch
even before you were dating, she just liked having her hands on you whether it was like holding your hand while walking through a crowd, or braiding your hair, or putting her head on top of yours or something as simple as just HUGGING you
but she kept it cordial of course cus y'all weren't dating
yeah that was all thrown out the window as soon you became her girlfriend
hands on you at ALL times, it becomes so subconscious neither of you even know you're doing it anymore
so remember that whole secret relationship thing?
well... everyone kind of figures it out online after like 3 months of dating
it was because of paige, poor girl couldn't keep her hands and lips off of you after a particularly hard game and somehow 🤨🤨someone gets a picture and it was all over twitter and tiktok the next day
literally "paige bueckers girlfriend" trending after an hour of getting posted
but neither of you cared too much about it because A. it was totally worth it cus the kiss was 😫😫😫 and B. she finally doesn't have to turn off her girlfriend mode when she's with you at games
cus she has the prettiest and best gf in the world and she wants everyone to know that
the only reason she was slightly annoyed was because she couldn't hard launch you on instagram :( poor girl had potential captions in her notes :( cus she's our little drama queen:(
but that doesn't stop her cus she ends up doing it! (shameless plug right there hehehe)
now that she can freely touch you and just be herself finally, she literally doesn't GAFFF
of course nothing like over the top because sure she loves PDA to a certain extent and she's an athlete so she needs to keep it civil
RELATIONSHIP STUFF
we've already covered how paige is a physical touch and quality time girly
and paige loves spending literally all her free time with you because you just recharge her
but it isn't in like an overwhelming way
paige understand that sometimes you need quiet time (or vice versa) but the thing is she doesn't even need you to talk just being around you is enough
so idk if it's necessarily QUALITY time but just being around you and spending every free second she has with you tells you that she is in love with you
paige is the most protective person IN THE WORLD, not just with you like in general
it doesn't even have to be someone she knows, if she sees someone giving someone else a hard time SHE WILL STEP IN!
and with her friends, y'all have seen her... she does not back down and will literally murder anyone who comes for the people she cares about
so if that's with people she doesn't know, and her friends, you guys can imagine how crazy she gets over you
if somebody says something even slightly consendecing or mean, slap. someone looks at you the wrong way? slap. somebody breaths wrong around you, slap.
obviously she won't lay a hand on them first but likeeee would she back down, nope
she is actually your guardian angel
like at parties, her hand is always on you and she never ever leaves your side
you need to get a drink, she's coming to
if you need to pee? she'll wait in the bathroom for you
yeah don't expect her to leave your side
because even when she IS by your side, there is always a weirdo in your guys' ear trying to get with one (or both!) of you
but yeah she's not afraid to defend you when it comes to literally anything
and this doesn't only apply to strangers, if there is someone that you know (your friend, her friend, etc) she WILL stand by you and defend you
like she doesn't shy away from confrontation, she will say something but only if you want her to
and GOD HELP THEM if you shed a single tear, cus the next morning you bet she's saying something
like i said, paige is a confrontational person and that means she's the biggest communicator
if she has a problem, she will tell you so that you guys can fix it
but sometimes she can come off a little argumentative and like she's just attacking you
she uses a lot of "you" statements so it seems like she's pushing the blame all on to you
so that can be the root of a lot of your guys' arguments when paige is only trying to solve the issues
but of course paige doesn't back down so she will be arguing with you even if she doesn't even know why, she just hates being wrong
but she doesn't let you leave or go to sleep unless the problem is fixed (or at least on the road to being fixed)
she'll give you space, she'll go another room to take a breather but she will not let you leave until it is fixed
usually after the breather you guys can come to an agreement and then paige usually hugs all the anger outta you
cus who could resist her?
if the argument lasts a couple days (it usually doesn't unless it's something serious) paige will talk it out with her mom or her friends
and you'll usually do the same
and paige will force you to sit down and talk about it until it is FIXED because she hates not being able to talk to you
and when you guys do eventually talk about it, especially if it's a serious topic, it will end with tears with both parties
but you guys always make up and everything will be better
okay okay no more angst ... for now hehehe
i feel like paige's nervous tic would be braiding the ends of her hair so i feel like that would transfer to YOU somehow
she just likes braiding your hair!!!!!! or just running her hands through your hair, it would help her relax
and if you're like me, it will help you relax as well
if you're black/have braids, she would only touch your hair if you let her!
paigey takes pictures OF EVERYTHING so obviously that includes you
her camera roll consists of ONLY you atp, like... 20% pics of literally anything else, and the rest would just be pictures of you or something to do with you
and oh my gosh don't get me started on the damn .5's of you, some of them are HORRENDOUSSSS and paige uses them as reaction pictures sometimes
and you found out from azzi that she does indeed use them in the girls groupchat
but she argues that you just look adorable which you respectfully disagree
oh and don't get me started on her tiktok drafts, she has at least 1,000 (rip her storage)
and when y'all started dating she just makes cute relationship tiktoks but she never posts them
EXPECT the "you're spinning me around, my feet are off the ground one" cus she wants to prove to the world that she has muscles
and the tiktok girlies will cry but WHO CARES!
oh and if you're on the basketball team, they will started to fan-girl over you as well
HELLA TIKTOK EDITS
and paige will favorite, repost and comment on them
like the most down-bad, insane comments you can think of
"GET THE STRAP GET THE STRAP!" is one of many ✨✨
if you aren't on the team, trust the tiktok girlies will find a way and they will make edits of you
and paige will do the same
obviously you do the same for her, your favorites are just paige edits atp (mine too)
ESPECIALLY THE GET IT SEXY ONE OMLL
and everyone will make ship edits and cutesy things like
"omg the way paige looks at her" and like a slideshow of paige being like all 😍😍😍
after paige gets more comfortable with like the media knowing about you two, she posts you every five seconds
usually like stories and stuff and especially if you’re also a basketball player, she reposts ALL your stuff
she is a proud gf !!!
she also has a highlight FOR SURE, she loves
also she def has like 10 diff wallpapers of you and her, some are really cute and some are really… 🫣
also paige strikes me as the type to like be texting you ALL DAY
and girl doesn’t care if you reply, she will send you 8 consecutive messages of different things
“omg look at the group chat 😂 *insert screeshot*” “baby they ran out of fucking caramel at dunkin, how does that happen ?” “i ended up going to a local cafe why did this shit cost me 9$” “baby you’re coming to my game on saturday right?” “HAHA look at this meme 😂” “why haven’t you responded to my tiktok’s in 2 days?”
yes she 100% uses the laughing with tears emoji argue with the WALL
or skull emoji
she also sends you 20 minute snapchat vlogs and they’re so chaotic, especially when she’s at practice or something
kk will steal her phone and say hi then you’ll hear them play fighting for like 80% of the vlog
also she does grwm’s on snapchat too when she’s at away games and her morning voice is SOOOO SEXY CUTE
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↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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victoria-grimesss · 9 months
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Price Headcanons ~SFW & NSFW~
masterlist ->Paring: Captain John Price x F!Reader ->Warning: fluff, romance, smut down below >:) ->A/N: MDNI! I've had some of these floating around my head and had to write them down.
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SFW:
This man needs a vacation, he needs to sit on the beach and drink a little something with an umbrella vacation.
I imagine even if he went on vacation, he would be the "feel free to text me if anything comes up I'm just a flight away" kinda guy. Please someone make him relax.
He's a romantic guy for sure, will kiss you on the hand and bring you flowers without asking.
When you go out to eat he will open the car door, the restaurant door, and pull out the chair for you because the woman he loves will NOT be touching a door. He gives you a wink once he tucks your chair in.
When he's home, especially right after he gets back he loves nothing more than to sit side by side and read your books together, make him a good cup of tea and he's sending heart eyes your way.
His favorite way to sleep is with you right on top of him. Out on the job he sleeps with his gear on, so he's become accustomed to having a weight on his chest when he sleeps, he feels uneasy without it. But when you lay onto of him like that he's out like a light.
He gets nightmares frequently, if you're a light sleeper he apologizes for waking you up but you never complain and for that he cannot repay you. If you're a heavy sleeper and you don't wake up he'll calm his beating heart and find comfort in your scent and soft breaths. Sometimes he wants to talk about it sometimes he doesn't, it depends on the severity and if he wants to plague you with it. At times he just wants to lay with you in his arms, he's safe at home with you, his boys are safe at their homes, everything is okay.
He's built a steady routine over the years, part of that routine is waking up ten minutes before he's supposed to so he can admire you when you sleep and hold you close to his bare chest, he loves these mornings.
He trusts you with his life, and with that he'll let you trim up his beard, a barber botched it once and Gaz laughed at him, so he said you're the only other person allowed to do it now.
He definitely falls asleep when watching TV and when you try to change it he'll wake up and say he's watching it.
One time you washed his hat without telling him and he panicked like when you lose your wallet. You had to pre-soak his hat twice to get it semi-normal.
I imagine him as a good cook but a shit baker. He gets frustrated when he tried to follow a cake recipe for your birthday and can't find the recipe under the person's life story. He went to the store and bought one then wrote your name on it.
He loves it when he can show off how strong he is, sometimes you'll pretend you can't open a jar just so he can crack his knuckles and "show you how its done".
He's over the moon if you ask him to show you how to fish, even more elated if you offer it as a date idea.
He loves to sit at the counter and listen to you talk about your day. He's a sucker about your voice and could listen to you talk about literally anything.
He calls you on his way back to base and talks to you on the drive home, makes the drive go faster.
He starts ring shopping 2 months after you two started dating, he knew you were the one.
He almost threw up when he proposed, he was so fucking nervous but the night went perfectly.
Definitely carried you through the door of your shared place when you got married, he's old fashioned like that.
His dad jokes are out of this world awful, but you laugh at them even if it hurts, because you love him.
Loves to have the team over to watch sport matches, when you were house shopping he always referenced about having them over when the two of you would view the living room.
When the two of you are out he puts a hand on the small of you back to guide you through crowds.
NSFW:
His stamina is impressive, he's an older guy but he can go for rounds and those rounds are heavy and sweaty.
Alot of things you do turn him on, kiss him on the spot where his neck meets his head, touch his knee and move you hand slowly up, tell him how much you missed him, tell him he looks good in that shirt, wear that shirt, really anything you do turns the man on.
John Price loves to love you through and through this man is a giver.
He will kiss you from ankle all the way up, muttering about how good you looked today and how much he was thinking about getting you out of these clothes.
Not possessive but more protective. Your relationship is built on mutual respect for one another, although there is a trend between the times when you get a little more attention from other guys and when he absolutely fucks your brains out. He denies it the next morning.
He uses his voice to his advantage. He purrs in your ear hours before he undresses you, light light touches and honeyed words butter you up to the point you're begging for him to take your clothes off. "You need me this bad love? Desperate girl." He wears a devilish smile.
Certified pussy eating master and I stand by that. That man can go forever between your thighs, his eyes roll to the back of his head when he first licks you, you'll have to pry him away beard soaked with evidence of his skills.
Good with his hands too, he angles then just the right way to find your G-spot, all while saying the dirtiest things just so he can feel you clench around his fingers. "You like that, fuck look at you dripping down my hand."
He loves when you grip his arms when he drives himself into you, you leave nail marks and he gets off on it. That you're feeling so good from what he's doing to you that you have to hold on that tight.
Favorite positions would be missionary, cowgirl, or anything where he can look you in the eyes so he can see your reaction when he slides it in so agonizingly slow.
Loves it when you ride him, front facing so he can see you cum. He makes you wear his hat for sure. And when it dips too low in front of your eyes he'll stop all movement just to fix it. "There's my pretty girl." He grinds into you to start again.
You guys fucked in his car once and he loved it, couldn't do it again though. His back hurt too much the next day.
Guilty pleasure is hotel sex. The both of you get a nice big room at a fancy hotel, have sex in clean white sheets making a mess of the newly made bed, he fucks you in the bed, the shower, the desk, over the dresser, and against the wall, afterwards you two order all you can eat room service.
He loves getting blowjobs when he smokes, something about the combination of the two make his head dizzy in a wonderful way.
Heavy on safe-words and making sure you feel the best you can when you two have sex, always checking in on you but in the most seductive ways as to not lose the mood.
Price loves to praise you, before during and after he's telling you how good you're doing and how beautiful you look taking him so well.
Most of the time he asks you where he should cum, he just likes hearing you say it, it gets him off harder.
Aftercare!! John is big on it, he'll take you to the bathroom and you'll have a bath together or shower, he'll give you extra time when he leaves so he can change the bedding and put on a sweet movie.
If your muscles ache he'll take a body oil or lotion and gets those knots out with those expert hands, he prefers it when you're naked for these massage sessions, easier to get all your sore spots he says.
More than half the time this result in another session and neither of you are complaining.
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peepaw for the win!!!
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