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#I am crying I'm crying so hard oh my god
sophiethewitch1 · 6 months
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in my hater era
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omarfor-orchestra · 1 year
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The acting school director said I don't look like an engineer I'm choosing to take it as a compliment
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stellacadente · 2 months
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i realized how much it scares me that my mind will convince itself of even the ugliest things if i start thinking them often enough and it's... yeah. like i had a good session with my psychiatric rehabilitation therapist i think it was very useful but then at the end i got hit by this feeling of fear... like i'm so scared of myself and how low i can get
#like i convinced myself the only way to deal with my pain and my problems was to attempt suicide so people would know i was suffering#bc i wasn't able to tell them#and i really really for real believed it and i did exactly that and it's very scary to think my mind can get so twisted and believe these#distorted versions of reality or twisted ways to get what i need or all the negative things i think of myself#and like i guess this is just part of working on getting rid of these beliefs. that i'm realising just how deep in them i am and that it#scares me#but it's not a nice feeling. i'm really trying not to judge myself for it that's not useful. i'm still learning how to not judge myself#for every little thing but god it's hard i'm so used to thinking i'm too much or not enough or too emotional or too stupid or inadequate et#just every bad thing under the sun#but even trying my hardest to mantain like a non judgmental view of this issue... the fear is the hardest part rn#it's just... i don't even know who i am? and that's also something we're gonna work on and started to a little#but i don't know who i am and so i just believe abt myself whatever the situation leads me to believe. whatever my bpd leads me to believe#whatever others lead me to believe#and the last one especially is perhaps my biggest issue. i don't know myself and i don't like what “myself” currently is and i live for#other people i live to please others i do things so others will like me or at least not dislike me so i can hate myself less#and really that's no way to live. and this is something this therapist is making me realize and understand#but it's just seriously so.... scary all of this all of this realizing i'm just an empty vessel that i fill up depending on the person i'm#interacting with and that i am.. nothing. like not nothing but like nico is not a formed person. i have molded myself to other ppl's tastes#and needs and if i try to look beyond that there's just this void or at least this question mark#i don't think i have like no personality? but well i do have a personality disorder so that's fucked me up! and it's! aaaa!!#if i think about the things i have convinced myself of by sheer repeating thek to myself all the time in my dark moments...idk#and like it was manageable when the dark moments had reduced and i was relatively okay. but as soon as i got bad again... oh#it started being a constant bombardment of negative talk to myself abt myself and a constant telling myself#well pretty much that there is no worth to be found inside myself. so unless this pain somehow goes away by itself i'll kill myself#that was basically my train of thought every day multiple times a day for months and months#that is scary!!!!!!!! that is so!!!! i'm so#sorry this is a mess. i'm trying not to cry bc i'm at my parents' house and my father's around but. yeah. just lots of feelings#and again it's probably normal i mean talking about these things is good! but feelings are bound to arise and some are hard to deal with#suicide tw#sorry i forgot the tw in my being upset in the moment
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hazeism · 1 year
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You're an absolute real one o7 I got my entire groupchat who know absolute jack abt the Yogscast to go and vote out there. My only request is even more Parvill, should you get the time. Godspeed and good luck to us Parvillers.
I am going to commit so much voter fraud that it will count as a war crime when I get home from work. Mark my worms.
I LOVE YOU MY FRIEND I AM ALSO HYPING UP MY GROUP CHAT ABOUT THIS. HAHAHA. I always have time for more Parvills comrade.
me counting your worms very gently so as to not disturb any of them and also so the poll doesn't get reset because we all keep joking about voter fraud 😭😭😭😭!!!! thank you for fighting alongside me : )
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: ) Protective instinct (+ grandstanding a little bit!)
poll ongoing :))) vote vote vote!
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the thing about social interaction is that it is an essential skill that i never learnt and whatever of it existed was only grievously impaired during the pandemic so i'm trying to learn it by aggressively throwing myself into social situations even though it is difficult. surely something will stick
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narumoon · 1 year
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IM GONNA CRY.
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noxtivagus · 1 year
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it's actually really adorable reading my notes while i was going through heavensward for the first time
#🌙.rambles#[ ffxiv. ]#THAT WAS NEARLY EXACTLY TWO YEARS AGO ?? march ily fr#i am. so enthusiastic here. evidently so very passionate abt ffxiv n i was enjoying myself sm it makes me smile so much#this is so funny the lil gbf notes i have here too#oh my god i was playing ffxiv n gbf actively back then that is a nightmare#oh yeah damn i empathized sm w my wol#i'm. still really grateful actually bcs ffxiv genuinely helped w making it easier for me to cry#this actually hits hard but in a way that. sort of comforts me#in the end i'm proud of myself for improving n stuff n. perhaps yeah healing from some stuff that happened a few months prior#but like. ffxiv rlly did help. i was an anxious n social wreck then n had no support system other than my family n stuff like video games n#i think writing got even harder for me for a while#but ffxiv rlly just#it helped a lot. n i'll forever be grateful for that#yeah that reminds me. drk's rlly special to me bcs it rlly reminded me of some things that helped me be kinder to myself#n now just. looking back ik i've gone a long way. n just reading this from the past makes me really proud of myself#'i don't fucking know how to phrase this' while talking abt hope n resolve is still so me#i'm rlly gna sleep it's nearly 3 n help tumblr's rlly one of my diaries or wtvr atp but#i mean. i won't write it all ofc but i'm just. no matter what i'll always have myself. n my family. esp apollo.#i'm rlly proud of myself n my. resolve is renewed damn i'm motivated but i'll sleep
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sheerioswifties · 2 years
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#so today i broke down and fully cried over realizing the reality that i probably won't be able to go see Taylor on this tour#and i felt so stupid for it like crying over not getting to see a concert seems so trivial and i mean so many reasons but like#and like i don't cry much anymore like I've been through and am in so much pain and horrible stuff constantly and so much stress and trauma#but I've built up strength to not cry over those things like if i did I'd just be crying nonstop so i channel my emotions into trying to#solve the problems and like still I'm so unbelievably stressed but like also as an empath i feel everything really deeply but usually lately#the things that make me cry are more like sweet animal rescue videos acts of kindness touching stories or really deeply inspirational or#relatable things in books etc but so like I'm like mad at myself for crying over this but#i checked the stubhub like prices for what tix are going for and it's fucking over 500 a pop for nosebleeds i just#it's infuriating the scalping and how many hard core fans are unable to go bc of that but rich ppl who aren't really fans i just. 1000 bucks#for 300 level is just no I'm sorry that's not ever gonna happen and i just#i really thought I'd just find tickets over time closer to the event like that's how I've done several concerts but then i looked and saw#that and I'm like oh my god and that's before fees and then there's the gas to get there the repairs that need to be done to the car to get#there all the other fees involved and in realizing oh my god like I've been overconfident and now i don't see a way and I'm so sad and i#just broke down its i know iy seems stupid but first this feels like something that might not happen again anytime soon if ever the way the#world is going out could be last chance and rep tour was the first time I'd been able to see Taylor to begin with and the experience was SO#amazing it's like the one thing i looked forward to this year that lifted me up in really dark times and again i feel shitty when there's so#many fans who never get to see her international too i just. I'm sorry I'm just like this breaks my heart on levels and like#i hate how money dictates everything i hate that i went to eds last tour tickets in the same venue were 30 DOLLARS and even the Taylor ones#i think were like 75 and now it's so high bc only scalping it's so fucked up and like I'm already in a really bad hole money wise bc of#an emergency issue that happened and I've got some scary medical things going on waiting on tests and having trouble with rent and food and#gas so like i can't even try to be like. you know? like justify trying to save up that much even when i got all this#i just.
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transsweet · 2 years
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what an enjoyable and heartwarming musical nerds chapter with only really one scene that made me sad ! i sure hope the ending isn't completely soul crushing and leaves me dying on the side of the road !
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astrxealis · 2 years
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i know light rampant is like. really hard but tbh i have no idea how it's like outside of normal e8 and i really want to try doing e8s sometime
#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚#it's been a long time since that fight came out now but i want to do it synced ngl JRGWJWVAJSBJD#i'm proud of how i've cleared e12s p4s and uwu especially with me being really young compared to other players#+ i cleared e12s as mch (or dnc can't rmbr) and holy shit i was on eu as someone in sea and my ping was so godawful#but yeah :O i rmbr old fc lead and static leader from back in eu hehe doing nier raids ... wah#i sometimes save videos of interactions in xiv and one of them i still rmbr. it was like early afternoon and lune was still sleeping#parents were out and i was playing xiv! just afk-ing by the house as that guy ^^ played music and we just chatted#i really love moments like that... >< really thankful to that guy bcs i wouldn't be where i am with my friends i met then#and i wouldn't have gotten into savage and look at me! now uwu cleared and i'm confident i can do the others too in time#but i have to definitely give myself credit bcs i was the one who accepted the fc inv :O but man. right time right place. it's amazing#and i still rmbr my first reaction seeing his character and it was me laughing at him oh my GOD#anyways i think it's funny how rdm are often either lgbtq. or genuinely FRENCH. there was a post on twt#that was like ooyeah rdm mains are not cishet and i was thinking hmm but the one i know is! but another category op put was french cishet#male and i wanted to cry that is so accurate. anyways i love red mage#ANYWAYS RIGHT i love hard mechs tbh#fave fights from each tier ive done! e12s and p3s <3 and p4s p2. and uwu from ults (it is the only one lol)#dun scaith was my babygirl as a sprout and i LOVE the ivalice raids. and optimization and all on nier raids#i like being good idk it just hits my braincells so right idk how to explain but <3 i love hard mechs#to this day i still memorize dun scaith and goddd i havent done that fight in so long but i love it sm#ever since back in free trial where i used the fight to get better at ast! and god. the wipes#takes me back as well to fanfest bcs man thatw as so fun. and the game being on sale made me sooo happy#bcs i cld finally get the full game! and then finished the whole of stb in a week. yeah. and shb too#all in summer mhm and then when school came around i vividly remember how i got into jjk... how amazing#humans are so fascinating and i find myself the most interesting. bcs it's Me!!#okay i've been thinking and talking for many minutes now and should do hw Sobs
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galecstatic · 3 months
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why did no one tell me that growing up is so hard. i mean i knew it was gonna be hard but i didn't know that it would be this hard. like what do you mean i have to decide serious shits for myself cmon i'm only 2 in the adulthood years i can't do this with myself only. and what do you mean i have to think big and be serious about things that matter god what are these things that matter exactly. i'm so lost and confused at the moment oh my god years of schooling didn't specifically have training for smth like this it's too unfamiliar and too serious and too much oh my god i wanna cry i didn't ask to grow up that fast oh god help me i'm seriously unserious for this
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moe-broey · 4 months
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Ohhhhhh I fucked up big time. Ohhhhhh I might not fucking recover. Oh man. Oh that fucking hurts really fucking bad.
I didn't realize. When you set an access key it's console-specific. So when I turned on mine for my new save. It overwrote my prev file save I deleted. My pug miis are gone. I should have redownloaded everyone before fucking around..... fuuuuckk man
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brainfullofbees · 8 months
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voidhd · 1 year
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guess who's thinking about the Bad Things again? and just in time for bed too
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paegei · 8 months
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MOANER, GROANER, OR WHIMPERER ?
what sounds do the seventeen members make in bed ?
NSFW CONTENT ! MDNI !
a/n: GUYS i am so sorry i haven't written in so long ╯︿╰ i lose motivation for things VERY easily. anywho,,, if anyone has any requests or anything feel free to send them in ! ( just be prepared for me to take my time to respond ϵ( ‘Θ’ )϶ )
MOANER:
jeonghan:
when i tell you this man has the PRETTIEST moans i mean it. borderline angelic. every noise that comes out of his mouth has you on the verge of orgasm LITERALLY. he's upstaging you i'm sorry !
joshua:
the things i would do to hear him moaning.... 28:50 of the youngji interview is EMBEDDED in my brain. def more on the quiet side, his moans are pretty low in volume, but he is for SURE right next to your ear cuz he knows how much his moans affect you.
jun:
pathetic moans. PATHETIC. loud, whiny, GUTTURAL moans. he also has no shame. and i mean that. does not care how loud he's being. he has to let you know how good you make him feel, who cares about who hears ? also def makes those ah- ah- ah- sounds before he cums
minghao:
hao's moans are like josh's, low in volume but close enough for you to hear. gives me the vibes of someone who doesn't make much noise in bed, he prefers to focus on your blabbering, but when his sounds grace your ears, it is HEAVENLY. ( his moans are borderline whimpers too just saying )
seungkwan:
DEEP. DEEP. SO DEEP. yk that one good to me performance where he said "make some noise" in his deep ass voice ? yeah, that's his tone in bed. moans coming straight from the chest LAWDDDDDD. was pretty shy at first when it came to making noise, but after seeing how badly it affected you ( because who wouldn't go insane hearing them ), he just goes AT IT. unless he's in sub mode and is borderline sobbing
GROANER:
seungcheol:
bro. words could not describe how hot this man sounds ( i would know we're actually married ). GUTTERAL groaning. genuinely sounds like he is working out >︿< lets out a groan every time he pulls out, followed by a whimper when he shoves his cock back in :/
wonwoo:
practically inaudible with how deep his groans are. all you would be able to hear is this deep grumble. rarely likes making sounds in bed as he prefers to be all ears for your moans, but hey, sometimes good sex makes a man whimper okay there's nothing wrong with that :3
vernon:
kinda like jun, in the aspect that his groans have a pathetic tilt to them. every sound he makes, no matter how hard he tries to keep them in, just ends up sounding absolutely RUINED. im talking you'd think he was crying from how desperate he sounds ( maybe he is who knows ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ )
chan:
he's right on the barrier between groans and gasps. OMLLLL HIS LITTLE GASP WHEN HE FIRST SLIPS IN !!!!!!!!!!! no shame either he wants to let the whole world know he's getting the best pussy of his LIFE. anime girl ~gah~ kinda noises IM SORRY
WHIMPERER:
jihoon:
dooooont care what you think. he WHIMPERS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! his whimpers are very low in volume however, he knows that if the guys ever found out the little noises he makes for you he would be a goner. tries his hardest to hold the whines back, much to your dismay, but at least then you get the gorgeous sight of him biting his lip till it bleeds (/▽\)
seokmin:
man does not care how embarrassing his sounds are he NEEDS you to know how good you feel. he is the EPITONE of whimpers. men be afraid to moan in their girls ear, but seokmin is sobbing out "f-fuck oh m- oh my god- 's good, 's good-" and other barely audible curses :3
mingyu:
his whimpers are WET sorrynotsorry. im saying he's borderline drooling. dumb puppy can't help it if your cunt feels so good :( sobs, cries, just the most desperate and shaky words tumbling from his mouth ( if he can still form words is a different story ).
ALL OF THE ABOVE:
soonyoung:
does not give a FUCK what noise he is making, he's just going for it. somehow sounds like whimpers, cries and growls all in one ?? also yes 80% of the time he is growling but are we suprised. just says any word that comes to his mind too. bro does nawt understand why people hold in their moans... if it feels good, it feels good you know ?
not proof-read ! lmk if there's any mistakes (づ ̄ 3 ̄)づ
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noxtivagus · 2 years
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I'M SO SLEEPY HFLKDJA
#🌙.vent#weekends r too short i barely did anything ngl but. i did spend time w my family n some friends lately so that's nice !?!#just thinking n oh my god i hate being shy so much. i tell myself so often i need to hesitate less! but#it's just so HARD. I HATE IT BCS I REALLY WNA JUST#😭😭 i can't help but feel really bad about it bcs. i really need to..#oh my mind is such a mess rn wait but i really need to hesitate less#ok that said it's 4 am n i have to wake up in less than 3 hours. i'm sleepy but. i want to.. write whatever. i need to#it's so hard for me to bring myself to sleep until i've. written. something#writing to my friend writing to myself writing for school i don't care i really just need to write something before i sleep#this sucks bcs i'm genuinely rlly sleepy rn but i can't bring myself to just. stop wtvr n finally go to sleep#it's so. tbf it is like 4 am rn my mind is so messy#i opened up a bit to one of my online friends of my.. anxiety of like drifting apart or being distant n all#n their words reminded me of some stuff that made me reflect a bit n#i know w like. a lot of my friends i don't have to be so nervous about anything at all n i#i'm about to cry rn i blame it on the lack of sleep n the sleepiness i have rn :<#it's just such a touchy subject for me i always get very emotional when i think or reflect on what i mean to others....?#it's a really really touchy subject for me bcs it just. reminds me that i'm. actually alive n human too yk? that. this is. real i think#i'm crying this is so dumb#it's so. i hate it so much bcs at heart i know better but it's just so hard to really just accept that. i don't know#how is it like to have /me/ in your life?? in whatever way?? it just feels so unreal to me n that. probably stems from a certain#loneliness that i've grown to be used to. n then it's the root of my hesitation i Think#it's just.. rlly so hard at times to. idk i can't help but unintentionally restrain myself w others n there's just often this barrier#i hate it i'm so afraid to be hurt in any way again that even though i rlly wish this fear wasn't there it's just engraved in me#n so i wonder at times. the person others know me as. is it rlly me or just the parts they want to see. an image of me?#i hate it bcs i know certainly w the way i perceive others i love them so much wholly but accepting that for me feels so 'selfish'#i know better but it's so hard to just break out of it n i feel like a burden so often.i hate it so much i feel like i'm rarely ever enough#& i 'have' to be just enough; not too much or too little. i have. fears of what wld happen if i really be myself if i wasn't shy n all..?#n then i rlly can be too harsh on myself at times. to do things right n properly. but life is imperfect the world is imperfect n it's ok if#if i'm not too right? if i can love others unconditionally then.. surely surely i'm not exempt from that? surely i'm human too?#yk what. i'll be fine when i wake up i think i'll go sleep n do the rest tomorrow. it's been.. a month now hasn't it? 28th huh
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