#I am living in my bubble with my tumblr mutuals

[supernovaa-remnant]

everything is enjoyed much more when you stay incredibly far away from twt btw <3

if you stay away then you never have to see twt stan takes and you can live in peace

[newtkive]

pixels [newt x reader - modern text au]

ch. 1 - the gc birth

in which two online friends navigate a romance through a minecraft groupchat with their stupid friends

or, newt, the quiet, stoic boy, and y/n, the bubbly girl both curse the world for keeping them apart, but at least they can send each other cute emojis and hope the other doesn't notice their blossoming feelings.

warnings: strong language, mutual pining, none really.

➥ m.list

__

notes: hi :p im very new to writing on tumblr (but ive always been a reader) so pls bare w me! and im trying to revert back to being 14 (im 23 lols..) so im revisiting my old favs including the maze runner/thomas (bc i binged the artful dodger and now im obsessed again). there will be non-text chapters in the future as well, when everyone eventually meets. this will be newt focused so enjoy !! also everyone is like a realistic age from 23 to 28

__

THE GLADE

[ 7:45 PM ]

alby added minho, y/n, newt, tommy, and gally

alby: Hello, guys.

minho: wtf is this

newt: uhhhh

tommy: hi :3

y/n: so this is why you asked me for my # in private

gally: i didn’t consent to this when i gave you my number

newt: don’t give strange men your number y/n

tommy: oh that’s y/n?

alby: Wait, Newt you had Y/N’s number already??

newt: yea

tommy: o.O

y/n: i gave it to him like two weeks after we met lmao

tommy: SO HE HAD YOUR NUMBER FOR A YEAR AND I DIDNT????

y/n: well he asked and you guys didn’t :p

newt: lmao

minho: ik he smug as fuck rn

not u asking for a girls number lmao simp

newt: stop

y/n: we all talk in discord anyways so i didn’t really think about it

plus you guys are friends irl so idk

it felt kinda weird to insert myself heh

minho: we’ve known you for a year and a half y/n

we play games all the time

call all the time

we even send packages and shit

you’re very much considered our irl friend

y/n: REALLY?? 🥺🥺

tommy: internet friends are real friends 😍❤️

minho: the heart eyes are crazy

but yes dude

newt: of course you’re our close friend. just cuz we live near each other and you’re a bit far away doesn’t mean we don’t adore you

minho: ADORE IS CRAZY LMFAO

but real ig

y/n: AWWWWW YOU GUYS LOVEEE MEEEEEE

hahahahha

HAHAHHAHJFIEKMGOR

I LVOE YOU GIYYYYSSSS IM PUTTING ALL OUR MINECRAFT BEDS TOGETHER LATER

gally: i do not want my bed to be infested by you guys

minho: gally sleeps in the corner

gally: no i dont i sleep in my mansion

y/n: cherry blossom mansion*

gally: and you sleep in a shed

y/n: cherry blossom shed* its pink and that matters.

tommy: love you y/n 😊🥰

y/n: love you tommy <3333

minho: that’s actually nasty stop now

y/n: u mad ur unloved

i love how the gc name is our minecraft town name :((

newt: aw it is

minho: can we talk about why tf this was made when we have a perfectly good discord

alby: I’m done with Discord.

newt: you got your shit hacked didn’t you mate

minho: mate 💀💀

british people so crazy

alby: Yes maybe..

I don’t want to make another.

y/n: or your old ass doesn’t know how to

minho: LMAO REAL

alby: Gonna ignore that. But I am getting too old for it. I have a new promotion at work so that means I won’t have time to play with you guys as much anymore. So I decided to make this groupchat in hopes to talk to you guys more to make up for it :)

minho: every group always has the old head with the job 💀💀

newt: minho admitting he’s jobless

minho: you work at a library be so fr rn

newt: i have an income. you have a room in your grandmas basement. we are not the same.

gally: LMFAOOOOOOO

minho: stfu :////

y/n: AWWWWWWW ALBYYYYYYY

tommy: YAAAY!!!!

im going to text you guys all day

tell you every meal

every thought

every interaction will be meaningful and glorious

newt: you are 24 years old you don’t have to do all that

minho: no fr im turning off my phone if he starts this shit

why not just do it before in the discord ??

tommy: easy access now and i tried before but stopped since no one really replied..

y/n: i say we all do it :D i will too tommy

newt: ok second thought that’s fine

minho: .

gally: that’s wild.

y/n: YAAAAAY!!!!!!!!!! NEWT YOU GO FIRST

newt: first with what

y/n: say what u ate today

newt: didn’t say i’d do it.

tommy: i ate muffin, monster energy drink, and hamburger :3333

you guys next

minho: that’s all you had bro..

y/n: hot cheetos and french fries and coffee :D

minho: ??????? BRO

how are you guys alive

y/n: it's my day off and no class so i just wanna rot in bed and that means no cooking

newt: please eat and drink water.

like for real and document it

y/n: ok wait

there

tommy: yum!

minho: y/n..

newt: cereal does not count

y/n: I DONT HAVE ENERGY TO MAKE ANYTHING OKAY

im a 23 year old broke college student my fridge is bare

newt: alright what do you want?

y/n: wym?

newt: like if you could pick.

minho: that’s so cruel 😭😭 just making her imagine it

i like it go on.

tommy: i want chick fil a

minho: i knew you hate the gays

tommy: I AM THE GAYS?????

y/n: ugh that does sound good

mmmm chickem sandiwh waffle fry I Want that Os mYch

newt: that’s what you would order?

y/n: mmmcm yeahshhhhh

newt: ok

minho: that’s it?

i thought soemthing would happen

tommy: me too

like a spell! magic 🪄

y/n: sigh

my cereal tastes bad now

newt: well it is cocoa puffs.

minho: L cereal

y/n: DTOP SAYING L ITS SO ANNOYITIGJNGGGGG

minho: she so madddd 😂😂 L

newt: you're annoying minho

minho: youre just saying that bc shes saying that

newt: no ive always said it. and i will continue to. youre fucking annoying

minho: who bought you your coffee yesterday

newt: ???

myself

and i paid for yours too

im the one with an income

minho: .

well i didnt think youd remember that well.

newt: it was literally yesterday.

minho: yeah but ur old

newt: IM THE SAME AGE AS YOU

minho: yeah but im 🤗✨ 26 ✨🤗and youre... 26😬😔

tommy: guys stop fighting

newt: we aren't fighting

maybe this gc was a bad idea

tommy: NO!!!!!!!!!

y/n: NOOOO!

tommy: this is like y/n is here w us irl

y/n: awwwwwwwwwwwwwww

minho: no it's not. we would smell a foul stench if she was

y/n: i ahte you sooo bad.

wait there is a knock at my door im scared

newt: answer it

minho: aren't you supposed to say don't open the door for strangers ????

newt: well usually yes

y/n: no im not expecting company

newt: just do it pls

y/n: ok :D

minho: bruh..

i hope she gets robbed and u feel bad forever newt

newt: why would you want that

minho: bc she owes me money

newt: YOU owe ME money

minho: yes but i have a good reason she just wanted robux

tommy: Y/N DONT DO IT!!! I HAVE SEEN DATELINE

y/n: :o....

tommy: Y/N?????????

OH GOD THEY GOT HER

minho: why would she text a silly face if she got got

tommy: clearly its a surprised face

maybe its not her

its like those cut out magazine letters murderers use

y/n: who got me chick fil a!!!!!!!!!!

minho: me

newt: you literally did not

minho: shut up

y/n: newt it was u i see ur name on the receipt

newt: well

y/n: :(

newt: what why are you sad?

minho: im hungry too

y/n: u spent ur money :(

newt: you're hungry are you not?

minho: she's not but i am

y/n: yeah but..

i feel bad you shouldn't have

newt: just eat it or i'll be mad

minho: i think i want red lobster

newt: it's really no big deal y/n

y/n: thank you newt :(((((

newt: you're welcome

go eat and watch ur show or smth

minho: i owuld love to eat and watch a show rn <33 ohhhh im starving

newt: can you shut up

gally: im muting this gc if this means i have to deal with your guys' shit more than usual now.

minho: thank god

newt: good

tommy: good

y/n: good

the food is good too <3

newt: good.

_

lmk if you want to be tagged!

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Top 10 Things I Love About the QL Tumblr Community 2023

I'm loving everyone's end of year lists, and decided to make up one of my own.

I haven't been on Tumblr for very long and was originally just lurking. 2023 marks the year where I finally started posting, after I read a take that made me feel compelled to come to a fictional character's defense. (Saengtai, my poor little blorbo).

So in commemoration of my first proper year of active tumblring, I present what I love about this community (in no particular order).

(Side note - Technically I know this is still primarily a BL community, but I like to say QL because I am trying to manifest more lesbians for us.)

1) The Gifmakers

Y'all are a good 70% of the reason I joined Tumblr in the first place. There are so many show moments that I want to relive, but without having to search through videos. Sometimes I want to appreciate the aesthetics. Sometimes I want to remember adorable or goofy moments. Sometimes I just want to see cute boys eating each other's faces. Our gifmakers give all of that to us, with the addition of so much creativity and style.

There's too many amazing ones to mention everyone, but I have to shout out @sparklyeyedhimbo, because the way your brain works makes me so happy.

2) The expertise

The other part of why I joined Tumblr was to learn more about what BLs were out there and what I might be missing. And holy hell. Y'all are putting in the work. Not only lists and resources for finding all kinds of QLs, like these fabulous monthly breakdowns by @gunsatthaphan, but also amazing posts that add additional context, like @absolutebl's incredibly helpful breakdown of Asian honorifics. There is so much research people do, for fun! And then they share it!

3) The meta analysis

I frickin love reading people's takes and analyses on series. I love learning, I love seeing perspectives from people with different cultural backgrounds to my own, it's all so fascinating! There's so much context we can miss due to our own privileges, or lack of knowing about various cultures, or due to whatever bubbles we've been living in. People here are just so smart, and nuanced, and willing to reflect and think about things, and also push back at each other, but generally with respect (except when you call out the dumb shit you see, usually on Twitter or TikTok, where people are being reductive and dumb about gender and sexuality).

And I've seen a few takes where people complain about analyses, and say that the director/production doesn't do everything deliberately, and we're all reading too much into it. To which I say, eh, lighten up. How people connect to and relate to media has relevance beyond what was intended. The point is we get to think and discuss and learn and grow. That doesn't happen if we don't analyze.

Special shout out here to @respectthepetty because colors mean things!

4) The wild theories

The other side of the analysis coin, the clown cars y'all drive around in with the wildest of theories. I have happily climbed into an occasional clown car, and usually I am utterly wrong (*cough* Saifah *cough*). But it's a super fun ride. I love seeing how people's brains work. I love it when y'all are wrong. I love it when y'all are right. It's beautiful.

5) Immediate acceptance

I am one of those people who knows that I have a lot of good qualities, and also, always kind of expect rejection. Blame the childhood bullies, I guess. Anyway, whenever I delve into a new space, I still feel like a total dork that no one will want to talk to. It's kind of a fraught way to move through the world, but I manage.

Anyway, I started posting my thoughts as they came up, and people are just totally cool with it. People even follow me sometimes. Even my silliest thoughts and dumbest jokes get at least a couple likes. It's so validating.

And my very silly joke about gay mafia in Kiseki has over 800 likes. I feel very seen.

6) Mutuals

I still kind of can't believe I have any. This ties in to the dork feeling above, but seriously - they are soooo cooooool. They're smart and awesome and funny, and they somehow find me worth following back, which is baffling yet wonderful. I want to squish their faces and give them many kisses (if they're into that kind of thing).

7) The self-exploration

I really appreciate how it's become more talked about how a lot of people are discovering queerness through BL, because that is so the case for me. I think it's both that I was in a bit of a hetero bubble before, and also that I'm evolving a bit as I age. I had figured out I was demi, and maybe a little bit gay, before getting in to BL, but being in this community, and seeing so many of you share so openly and freely, has made me realize it might be more than a little bit.

Either it was a new realization, or being around y'all has made me more gay. Win win, either way.

8) The weirdness

I'm weird. Y'all are weird. I love it.

9) The thirst

So many in this community are thirsty as fuck, and as someone who is in that same condition, I love that it's not just me. There are not many places where I can freely admit how horny I am as a part of my general existence.

Here? I could post about wanting to lick some random BL actor's face, and it would get a bunch of likes and some tags like #lickable, and it's just not remotely a big deal.

Also the gifmakers understand this, and give us beautiful cuts of our spicy scenes. They are genuinely too good for us.

10) The communal watching experience

There is absolutely nothing like watching along with people in the community. It is so worth the torture of having to wait week to week for new episodes. Seeing the show trend, watching the theories fly fast and furious, or the way everyone collectively loses their minds over particular moments. In a world that can feel very isolating, it's a very warm experience.

So there you go. Thank you all for being you. Here's to another year of QL shenanigans and losing our collective minds!

[taurusmoon2008]

*Ahm Ahm* mic check mic check 123...123

(intro music plays)

Sooo guys jiska aap sab ko tha besabri se intezar (nahi tha meko pata hai) Tea with Tamanna aa gaya hai Tumblr pai again aap sabko entertain (pakane ) ke liye! 😋

Or aaj ki humari Hostage *ahm ahm* I mean I mean humari guest hai .........

Meri pyaari Big sis, Rasmalai , Chudail, Tumblr ki personal sasti Anya, Hum sab ki laadli Kayaaaaaaa ! (Makes her sit on couch) 🤝

Okay so yk Main aapse kuch questions phuchungi and you have to answer that as whole Tumblr wants to know 😋(nahi sirf meko Janna hai)

Soooo here are your questions ✨

1} I want you to Introduce yourself but the twist is use fictional characters to show your character traits.

2} Aapki itni achi poetries likhne ka raaz kya hai?

3} Why do you associate yourself with moon? Or kya iss chand ko uska chakor mil gaya ?

4} Abhi aapko kayi saare flirty anons aa rahe hai unhe send karne wale insaan ko aap kya message dena chahoge?

5} Your Motto of life?

6} If you have to make a family out of your mutuals who would play role of which rishtedaar ?

And last but not the least I loved your presence here! Sending dher saara pyaar, jhappi , chai and ice creams 🍨

*Okie so is my face looking okay and the kajal is it fine???* *asks the team* Okie ig

*Faces Camera*

Namaste Tumblr wasi...

*Faces Tammu ji*

Namaste Tamanna ji

Thank you so much Tammu ji for cordially taking me in as your hostage uhmm I mean guest yeah as your guest....

Thank you for this lovely sa title Tumblr ki sasti anya must I say it's quite poetic...

And I don't care for anyone I am answering these questions for my chhoti behna tammu aka pishachini aka jalebiiii

Quite difficult but people say I am like Anjali from Kkkg or Geet from jab we met... I am a very talkative person , I am bubbly af and people associate me with golden retriever energy , I have been named as a literal ball of sunshine so yeah I am Geet ig but my character traits are much like Elizabeth from Pride and Prejudice....

Dekhiye itna accha to nahi likhti , jo mann karta hai likh deti hu , I have people in life who acts as my inspiration so I write for them , my lover is a muse to me , whatever I write , I write for him or generally I write for people I love cause writing is sort of a love language for me...(Slightly emotional)

i associate myself with moon cause why be someone's sun when you can light up their life in the darkest hour... Being a moon to someone is the most intimate thing a person can do aur fir mai to ek kaviyitri aur lekhika hu... I tend to Romanticize little things... Aur iss Chand ko abhi tak uska chakor nahi mila hai (with a sulking face)

The person who is sending me these flirty anons truly I am flattered , you have read my blog well and that's visible from your asks but ye sab anon ban kar kaise karoge , you need to come to me then we'll decide *wink wink*

My motto of life is Vivamus Moriendum est i.e live and let live , also to be the change which I want to see in the world , spreading kindness , love and happiness wherever I go....

Each one of my mutual is a family to me but the ones who'll get special shout out are - @btw-its-tamanna is my jaan aka sissy , @paapi is my bestest friend , @hectorfrombritain @bandarrrrr @shyam-kariya are my Big brothers , @chillwithhana is my mumma aka big sissy....

Thank you for helding me hostage oh I mean for having me in your show , I truly enjoyed my time answering your wonderful questions

I would look forward for yet another invite

Shukriya dhanyawad

*looks at camera*

Thank you Tumblr waasi aap sabhi haste rahe muskuraate rahe , buh-bye lots of love to y'all....

[khaopybara]

tag game ✨

@mbjw saved me from saturday boredom and tagged me in this, so thank you jubs, i enjoyed these a lot.

1. why did you choose your url?

i love khaotung. khaotung was obsessed with the capybara song last year before i even knew who he was. capybaras happen to be a very common animal in the region i live. i was very happy they were getting the recognition they deserved. put them together, we have lovely khao + capybaras = khaopybara (i'm also super sure i've seen people here and on tw use this and i just stole it. i'm not creative especially when it comes to usernames).

2. any sideblogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

i have two other sideblogs. @tuseryoo for all of the gifs i make so i can have all of them in one blog just because, so i feel like i'm not losing track of the things i create (even though i haven't updated that one in a while), and @captain-xandis that some moots might have noticed in their notifications bc i recently created that one to post gifs about critical role, but i always forget to check which blog appears on top of the thingy, so i'm constantly deleting and reblogging things in the right blog these days.

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

as of july 3rd, i've been here for 11 years now, so since 2013? which tracks with my super strong k-pop phase tbh.

4. do you have a queue tag?

nah, i have a queue going for gifs that are requests or for episodes that already aired, but usually i just post things whenever.

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

ha, i was into super junior. and i was experimenting with fandom for the first time at the time. that's it. i felt like tumblr was a lot more creative and pretty than twitter or facebook, so i stayed.

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

i am a mook defender and apologist. i also think aya is super cute and super pretty. i change icons so often though, i blame all the pretty women in qls these days for making me change it all the time.

7. why did you choose your header?

i am breathing and living for the heart killers and kantbison and unfortunately i'm dying from lack of content. the tattoo table kiss is going to change lives i think, so until we don't get the official version, i'll have this masterpiece displayed there somehow.

8. what’s your post with the most notes?

as of now, it's a 23.5 official trailer gifset of sun being jealous of ongsa with amazing 939 notes, but the gifset of lada protecting earn from hitting her head on the table is quickly catching up with 877.

9. how many mutuals do you have?

17 mutuals? i think that's right.

10. how many followers do you have?

843 if you count the main blog + side-blogs.

11. how many people do you follow?

... 27 blogs.

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

i mean, sure? i do get embarrassed by my own shitposts sometimes and i delete them tho.

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

all the time. it's my favorite social media for sure. i get to see pretty things and my dash is much better curated than other apps. it's great.

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once?

i don't think i ever fought online. i block people with remarkable expedience tbh if i don't like their vibe or their tone or the shit they post, and i also make use of the filtered tags, so you know, no reason to fight.

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts

these exist? good for them. you shouldn't tell people what to do.

16. do you like tag games?

sure! i only started being part of them now, so sometimes i forget them, or i just don't see i was tagged, but i do enjoy them.

17. do you like ask games?

i don't think i've ever done an ask game but that's mainly bc i think people won't want to know and won't send any asks, and i'd rather spare my ego from that humiliation.

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

i think many of my mutuals are famous in our ql bubble which makes it a little crazy that some are my mutuals tbh. that's most of them actually.

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

i do have people that make me kick my feet when they interact with my posts like, twirling my hair, silly smile, giggling because they've noticed me. but actually crushing, imagining our lives in the countryside, with a kitchen facing the meadow in a fine spring morning, with two dogs and three cats, no.

20. tags?

i'm tagging @namtanfilm, @aylinaliens, @sollucets and @sherrymagic, @ayansukkhaphisit and whoever feels like doing it, and to those i've tagged, just ignore this if you want, too, no pressure.

[lxcyed-matcha]

kevinsu fic - short

tags: mutual pining, angst

sorry, i'm not very good at this, please be respectful! they may be ooc and i am so sorry for that, please tell me if you think they are, thank you

Stargazing was a fun activity, but not when your friend next to you is so relaxed, meanwhile they only had a few thousand years til' the Final Herrscher arrives.

"Oh, relax.", Su laughed softly. "The Honkai hasn't appeared here yet. We can still delay Project STIGMA. Besides, you know the risks, right?"

Kevin nodded, mind lost and contemplating. Take your mind off Project STIGMA.. Another thing to think about..

He sometimes felt like the both of them were something more than friends. They had travelled the world for hundreds of years, after all. Their bond would be deeper, right?

Like.. less than lovers, more than friends?

He didn't want to think about it anymore. What else was there to contemplate about? Being attached to anyone would only hinder his progress in destroying the Honkai.

-

Su had fallen in love with Kevin in high school.

He brushed it off as just infatuation. Of course everyone loves Kevin, he thought, but even when he grew into adulthood, it still remained. Kevin was straight, after all. He wasn't going to force him to become what he wanted him to, but..

Oh, he wished he could have Kevin to himself.

That may happen in another universe, but not in this one. They have more to do.

The stars glow in the night sky of Greece. They had caught a meteor shower.

Sometimes he wondered what was in Kevin's mind at any moment. His friend looked so empty-minded, only laser-focused on that one purpose to destroy the Honkai. Can't they enjoy life for a little while? There was more to this. Witnessing the world grow is its own beauty.

However, he understood. Kevin had lost his will to live - he certainly would to if someone so important in his life died too.

--

Slowly, Kevin had started to realize that witnessing the world grow isn't too bad.

Feelings, similar to those he developed for MEI. Su was slowly becoming a new purpose to live, yes.

Over this past century, Honkai was growing at a fairly controllable pace. Herrschers had not appeared yet, although it was simply due to the slow advancement of technology. Maybe they could take a break from all the "fighting the Honkai" stuff- his friend was already doing that.

He had to stop thinking about these feelings. Defeating the Honkai was the reason why they were even alive and this would only distract him.

-

"If you are willing to defeat the Honkai no matter the cost, then.. I will stop you, no matter the cost."

It pained Su to utter these words. He never wanted REGULATOR to be activated, and he was sure that MEI truly never wanted it to be either.

But this.. was for humanity. Something greater than the both of them. There was no reason to be selfish right now when you are putting the world on the line.

He wouldn't allow lives to be lost if there was another chance.

In another universe, maybe they could find happiness. Maybe in this one, if the Honkai had never screwed everything up for them.

-

Kevin Kaslana had made it out of the thousand-year old jail of a bubble universe.

He had just learned many things.

Elysia's wish had been fulfilled. There was a Herrscher who managed to retain their humanity.

VALUKA failed.

Hua had lost a large portion of her MANTIS abilities.

And finally, he had lost his one true friend, who he had never realized his feelings for.

It was too late. There was nothing more to cling onto for him... other than the reason he was preserved.

Destroy the Honkai.

===

Not revised, most of my work on tumblr isn't. Please be respectful when criticizing! Thanks :]

[tellthemeerkatsitsfine]

Finished work today. Friday night, get to go home and not immediately start calculating how many hours I have to cook and eat and wash dishes and shower and then get some extra time by myself before I have to go to bed early enough to not be exhausted and miserable the next day. Excited to not have to do that. Get home, my roommate and best friend of 20 years suggests we go have dinner at the pub around the corner. A mutual friend I haven’t seen in months wants to join us later. I am trying to have a social life again and excited about seeing this friend so I go out.

Get to the pub. Eat food. First hour of dinner is spent with my roommate telling me about the meetings he’s been having with the top sports execs in the country this week, to make plans for the athlete from our team who’s trying to qualify for the Olympics. My roommate is flying to Turkey in May to coach her at a qualifier. I am genuinely, incredibly excited for him. And for her. For the team. They’re bringing in the top coaches and athletes from all over the country to work with our team.

We finish food and he runs out of stories and orders his third pint and I’m just drinking water, and he asks me what my updates are on my life, and I am suddenly hit with how incredibly depressing it feels that I have no updates. I have a trip to Britain in the summer that is the only thing on my calendar and I am so so looking forward to that but I don’t have anything between now and then. Don’t have anything from this week. Every day I got home from work planning to go for a run and then was too tired from the long hours so I didn’t. He asked me if I’ve seen any comedy nights lately (which he is not remotely interested in – earlier in my comedy obsession I spent more time telling him about the comedy stuff, but I’ve stopped doing that as it is very much not a shared interest, I pretty much made this Tumblr blog to put my comedy thoughts somewhere besides telling him about it), and I replied that a couple of people I like were performing at a nearby pub yesterday and I planned to go see them, but I left for work at 7:30 AM and got home at 7:30 PM and would have had to leave again immediately to get there and was too tired so I didn’t. And I’ve picked a career field where the based case scenario after moving up is more money than I make now but still not enough money to live comfortably, and not a point where it gets easier.

And the difference is that for all these years I always had big goals and big things to look forward to because I was invested in the sport, and I am trying again, I’m planning to go to practice this Sunday for the first time in months. I decided to take this season off to re-evaluate if it’s what I want to do, and what I learned is that when I don’t have it I have no purpose in life so it’s probably worth all the bad things, so now that the season has just ended I’m planning to try again. But I’m still going to be tired all the time. Even if I got back into coaching full time like I used to, I’m never going to have a job that would give me enough flexibility to take off to Turkey. My friend and I spent so many years on the same level coaching together, and now even if I went back I’d be way behind and never catch up.

I was sitting in the pub and apologizing for not having any updates or things to talk about, really, and watching the little bubbles in his beer and thinking of how very very good they looked, and then I mentioned that of course this is all coloured because I’m trying not to drink and that’s making me miserable, so that makes everything seem bleaker than it really is, probably. And he said yes, avoiding drinking does sound miserable, and it doesn’t make you an alcoholic to have a few beers after work on a Friday, so why don’t I just order one. And I said I’m trying not to drink. And he said I don’t have to drink but it would probably make me less miserable and we could get whiskey. And I really really wanted to. And it wouldn’t make me an alcoholic to have a couple of beers on this Friday night.

But then I thought about how next weekend is Easter so I have the Friday and Monday off, and that’ll make it really hard not to drink three nights in a row, and if I don’t have a hard and fast rule against drinking at all that I stick to now, then next weekend I will end up drinking Thursday and Friday and Saturday night.

I have ended up drinking on a few weekends in the last month. The ones when my roommate was out of town coaching tournaments. I end up feeling like it’s a waste of an opportunity if I have the house to myself and don’t drink. Because I’ve spent so many nights getting drunk alone in my room, which I enjoy so much and makes me very happy, but if I know someone else is home, I can never 100% relax and enjoy it to the fullest extent, because I’m self-conscious about making noise. But if I have the place to myself all night, I can play music or videos out loud, not worry about it, I think that’s the only time I ever truly relax. So if I have that opportunity on a night when I don’t have to work the next day, it feels like a waste if I don’t use it.

The main season’s just ended, so my roommate will be home most weekends for a while, which is probably for the best. He and I have also been drinking buddies for many years, so it’s not like him being around will stop me from drinking. But I don’t need to drink around him. He and I have drunk a lot of alcohol over a lot of nights together over the years, but I’ve never felt concerned by that thing people say, that if you need to drink around someone to enjoy their company then they’re not a good friend. He and I have also spent a lot of time together sober and we greatly enjoy that. I mean, tonight was a bad example, we went out and he was drunk and I was sober and I had a shit time. But I was going to have a shit time no matter what. The point is that usually, we have a good time together with or without alcohol. So even though he’s a guy with whom I normally drink, him being home more won’t cause me to drink more because I don’t need alcohol to enjoy his company. I’m much more likely to drink when left alone, because apparently I do need alcohol to enjoy my company.

I didn’t order any alcohol. But I did start to get so depressed about not having any life updates, and so overwhelmed by how loud the pub was, and found it so difficult to be surrounded by alcohol and not allowed to drink, that I nearly started crying at the table, and then got up and walked home before our mutual friend arrived. My roommate stayed there, he and our mutual friend are presumably there now, drinking beer and having fun like normal people. I got home, felt vaguely numb and out of it, sat down, wrote this post. Because I still feel like shit and would like to share something. I don’t do this often, but if anyone’s got a nice picture of a cat or something for cheering up miserable people, and you wanted to share that with me at the moment, I’d appreciate that.

The margin between drinking and not drinking tonight was razor thin, I came very close, and to be 100% honest, I think it would have gone the other way if I hadn’t happened to listen to a particular radio episode on the bus home from work today. John Robins has been reading out his terrible terrible diaries from when he first started stand-up, and they’re really interesting from a comedy nerd perspective, but also, they’re from 2005, when he’d recently quit drinking. The diary entries chronicle him trying to quit cigarettes, failing, realizing that going a day without smoking makes him desperately crave a drink and drink is the lesser of two evils so he started smoking again because he wanted to protect his sobriety from alcohol. Sobriety that we know lasts another year or so until he starts drinking again, but does end up successfully weaning off cigarettes and into vaping, so that’s less bad. And eventually quits drinking again too, but not for many years.

I started at the pint on the table and thought about John Robins in 2005 talking about how miserable it was to try to stay away from an addiction, these really stark and familiar descriptions of just feeling terrible all the time and thinking you can’t do that, but even in that he knew that drinking was the greater evil and it’s worth the misery to protect yourself from it, and those diaries show that that guy was a fucking idiot (seriously, they’re horrifying) but even he knew that much, and managed to stay away from it successfully (for about a year but eventually did it again), and that pretty much tipped the balance in the razor thin margin of whether to order a beer and stay out with my friend and meet my other friend and probably end up having fun tonight, or get up and walk home and sit in the house by myself feeling terrible. I picked the latter, and am currently having trouble remembering why that was in fact the better idea. But it helped that I could remember other people have found this as difficult as I do and still managed to make the smarter choice.

I should really go for a run again. That’s one of the few things that gives me a feeling like drinking does, if I push really really hard and run until I’m absolutely burned out, and for a little while can’t feel anything and feel like I’ve pushed my brain out of its usual position and everything’s okay until that wears off. It’s temporary after a run, it only feels like that until I recover, which is about ten minutes after I stop running. As opposed to drinking, where the feeling lasts for as many hours as I decide to keep drinking. But still, it’s something, I need to do more of that.

I wrote so many of these over-sharing personal posts earlier in the year when I first tried to stay away from alcohol, then I started hating myself for posting so much personal stuff so I tried to stop, but it’s a bad night so I’m doing it again. I'm not sure what I'm doing with my life but I'm hoping I'll at least hate myself less tomorrow morning than I would have hated myself if I'd stayed out and ordered a beer and a shot of whiskey and just had a good time like I used to.

[dayvan]

About people on this site hating transmen, I wanted to say I'm transfem (although extremely closeted) (red state, and not independent...) but like I delayed coming to that realization for a longer time than I should have because it seemed like every time I looked at a popular transfem blogger on this site they just hated transmen so it kind of pushed me away because I didn't feel that way... It really bothers me because I have a lot of transmasc mutuals (and finally found non-infighting wonderful transfem mutuals as well) and I love all them, and am genuinely really bothered by the infighting that just... I don't understand the purpose of or what it accomplishes other than making us easier targets... Anyways from this #girl <3 you transmen and mascs!

WE LOVE YOU TOO!!! and i totally get where youre coming from, its a good thing you didnt let it completely stop you because i cannot stress enough how this infighting bullshit is EXTREMELY online

I've had trans women and transfeminine people in my life for years, including childhood friends, and not once has this been something that created any tension between me and them or between them and their other transmasculine friends. i started taking very long recurring breaks from tumblr circa 2018 and when i came back and actually started engaging with other users again i noticed that tumblr developed an immense bubble/echo chamber problem since then, specifically with jaded trans and gay people.

i definitely think a lot of the downright extreme discourse opinions we're seeing are a result of too much time spent surrounded by the same group of very similar people constantly patting each others asses over escalating resentful 'takes' that they posted for validation in the first place. it's a vicious cycle that encourages more and more resentment and bitterness..

i don't think these people are inherently bad or malicious, i think they're misguided and stuck in a feedback loop with an antisocial coping mechanism. if i could talk to them now i would urge them to go outside more and look at people in their eyes more often, even if the people they see aren't necessarily queer. just being exposed to other people in the real world and their multifaceted lives can do a lot to keep you from always assuming the worst about others, and it's a nice reminder that you're not the protagonist of life or gay people.

[bookwyrminspiration]

Quil you featured in a dream I had last night!

so I dreamed that i had been texting you on this app and the whole conversation was like 20 pages worth of texts but I didn’t remember any of them except for the first 3 so I was concerned that someone had hacked me to text you as me? I had told you that I lived in this town named Cairo that wasn’t the one in Egypt but was named after it. And according to the website we had only been mutuals for 30 minutes (and somehow we had sent a years worth of texts in that time) and I thought we were on tumblr but it turns out we were on this website named pinbubble (pintrist and red bubble combo that looked like a knockoff tumblr) and so I was going to tumblr to clear things out but it couldn’t access it in my computer and needed to get my iPad but no one would let me have it.

that was one of about four crazy dreams I had last night

i think I should enter a competition for weird dreams

anyway sorry for rambling on but just in case you’re interested that’s what happened in my nightly hallucinations featuring you :)

I also had an odd dream last night! I don't remember most of it, but I do remember it ended with me trying hurriedly to cook a plastic bag of pinto beans, which were wet and I was scooping with my bare hands into a bathtub? which for some reason was in public? and the jets were dirty so I was stressedly adding my handfuls of beans to dirty bath water in public trying to hurry because I needed to get back to class </3

My dream got several things wrong though. I would NOT go to class knowing we were watching a movie and choose not to bring my earplugs. and my ass would NOT eat ANYTHING while out and about. ESPECIALLY if the bathwater was dirty. cibophobia got HANDS who tf do they think I am?

Anyway back to yours! No need to apologize I am always interested. Can't believe you got hacked so that someone could text me, I'm simply too charming and conversable </3

"we had only been mutuals for 30 minutes (and somehow we had sent a years worth of texts in that time)" there's a joke in there about how you fit lifetimes into minutes when you're having fun, but I can't think of the best wording.

i hope you can get access to your computer and get your accounts back and let me know i'm talking to a fake <3

[u2ipod]

going to be going through some hard family and friend stuff today

my friend myrna passed away a year ago today. i met her on tumblr around 2010-2011 or so because we both really loved arctic monkeys. the monkeys fandom on tumblr back then was relatively small, since AM hadn’t come out yet, so everyone either knew each other or had mutual friends. because of her kindness, her humour, and her enthusiasm, myrna was very popular and very loved. obviously, as her friend i am biased but i find it hard to believe that there was anyone out there who didn’t like her.

myrna was a true music lover and introduced me to tons of new genres. i first listened to kpop because of her. she gave out tons of recommendations and you could see her bubbly and fun personality in each and every one of them. one of her favourite songs was the chaser by infinite. i have always thought of her when i listen to it and now i always will. she later got really into alternative j-idols and introduced me to migma shelter. she was probably one of migma’s number one fans on twitter. she got to meet her oshi on a fancall (i think there were even multiple) who left myrna a touching tribute when she found out she had passed.

myrna lived in mexico, so we never had a chance to meet irl, even though i had always hoped to. we fell out of contact for a few years but we were able to reconnect through our friend leyla. she told me she was doing very well and we chatted excitedly about our cats - myrna was truly a friend of all cats. i’m so thankful that the universe aligned in that way and i could reconnect with her again.

these are the things that will always remind me of myrna: alt fashion, tasty treats, yangyang, alex turner, fuzzy cream coloured cats, experimental production, pots and pans music, the coolest girls you’ve ever met, the rasmus, mtv mexico, pink hair, embroidery, friendship across borders

i love you myrna. i don’t think a day goes by where i don’t think about you. i hope you were able to listen to the infinite comeback between the day you last checked in with your twitter friends and the day you passed. all of us from the AM days miss you so much. i can’t believe that we live in a world where you’re not here. you had so many dreams. i hope you are fulfilling them in heaven. today will be hard, but when i look at the sky today and see how clear blue it is i know i will feel less lonely, because you’re watching over us.

oh and of course, stream migma shelter

[f1-junkie]

Fancy a fun question chain to pass around f1blr?? Over to you, lovely!

Name (or what you want to be called on tumblr)

Where are you from?

Where do you live?

Any pets?

Favorite driver(s) currently on the grid, and why?

Favorite driver(s) not currently on the grid and why?

Favorite romantic driver pairing(s) (e.g. Maxiel, Carlando)

Driver you’re most attracted to physically

Driver whose personality you like best

Favorite driver friendship(s)

Favorite team principal

Favorite team

Least favorite team, if any

Driver(s) you dislike, if any

If you’re a fic writer: if you could only write about one f1 pairing for the rest of your life who are you choosing?

Please send this to 10 (or more!) other F1 tumblr users that you love and want to get to know better 🫶💜

Hi hi! Thank you for tagging me!!

• I’m Amor!🩵

• Was born and raised + currently live in Eastern Europe✌🏻

• I’ve got an adorable Scottish fold kitty which I am absolutely obsessed with

• Lewis Hamilton, the one and only king🩵 I also like Charles, he seems humble and adorable, I also admire Fernando Alonso

• As for those not on the grid currently.. I like Seb and Kimi, and them as a pairing - they just compliment each other so well

• My 4ever love is Carlando, my first ever f1 ship🥺 I also used to be a gewis shipper - in fact, I still have a couple of unfinished gewis artworks that I don’t want to just abandon and plan to finish and post. Via this particular ship I also met some super talented artists and writers that I still support - for instance, @bejwled writes absolutely bomb fan fiction, @russilton and @miaucedes create great super cute arts and have very distinct unique style - shoutout to you guys!💝

• Most attracted to physically… Lewis, I must say. Just… the way he’s built and all the tattoos do the thing for me😩 also, big forehead supremacy

• Personality-wise I would also say Lewis, also Daniel with all his bubbly goofy energy. Also, I think Fernando Alonso is funny in an effortless way, and Yuki is a lil chaotic menace fgfghggf

• Favourite driver friendship is Pierre+Charles! Also Pierre+Yuki if we talk friendship/platonic romance hehe

• No favourite team principal, sometimes toto is funny

• Fav team is Merc, just because Lewis is in it✌🏻

• No team that I particularly dislike

• No drivers I hate who are on the grid currently

No tagging anyone in particular but I’d love to see any of my mutuals doing this tag as well🩵

[sleepanonymous]

List 5 things that make you happy, then put this in the askbox for the last 10 people who reblogged something from you! get to know your mutuals and followers (ó ꒳ ò✿)

AAAAA I'm so excited but also this was literally the most difficult list to come up with and not be like: Sleep Token, Vessel, II— lmao 😅

Music. Just in general. Like, yes obviously Sleep Token, but I've been listening to music every day literally since I was a toddler and I love it. Thinking back on it actually, it's odd that I never earnestly picked up an instrument or got vocal lessons or anything 🤔

My pugs. I have two boys, Toki who I got for my 23rd birthday (he just turned 9 in March), and Steak Knife, who I recently rescued last December. They're infuriating sometimes, too, of course. Toki is as stubborn as I am and Steak Knife has two modes: Chaos Demon and Sweet Baby Angel. They're ironically also the source for most of my stress and rage, but it's 100% worth it.

RAIN! Lol, this is such an odd one but I live in the Sonoran Desert so rain is very rare for me. My city averages around 12-13" of rain per year so we really never see a lot of it. Along with the rain is its smell. It's such a beautiful and unique scent of creosote and petrichor— it's so unique, I've only ever smelled it in the desert.

Video Games. Is this another thing that contributes to a lot of my stress? Absolutely, but I still enjoy the hell out of a good game. I mostly do Action/Adventure/RPGs (some favorites are Cyberpunk 2077, Fallout 4, Red Dead Redemption 2, and Dragon Age Inquisition) but recently I've been sinking way too many hours into Minecraft and Project Zomboid.

Social Media Notifications. Instagram, Tumblr, Discord, Ao3 (yes I'm counting Ao3), literally any number in a bubble anywhere except for my work chat and email lol. Am I perpetually online? Yeah. Do I incorrectly determine my self-worth by these numbers? Also yeah, but they do give me joy lol.

[starchild--27]

Here's A Little Get-To-Know-You Tag Game!

Tagged by: @flaredpantsagenda thank you Mon!! it's been ages since i last did one of these ^-^

Name(s): Selma, Selmi, starchild - whatever you want to call me is fine ^-^ (i have no cool internet name besides 'starchild', maybe i should make one up 🤔)

Pronouns: she/her, but i am fine with any :D

Star Sign: taurus

# Of Siblings & Fun Facts About Them (if you have any): one younger sister who is the best person i know and who -sometimes- people think is my twin? 90% of the people don't see it, but these other 10% keep popping up... (that was the fun fact btw)

# Of Pets: one cat who lives with my parents. he is my son.

Fandoms: i'm most actively involved in my kpop bubble rn (EXO, Stray Kids, aespa mostly atm). also, if you scroll through my blog for 3 seconds, you will see a lot of Good Omens as well. but there are a lot of fandoms i am occasionally or have been very involved in. i still consider myself part of the Percy Jackson fandom (tho i haven't seen the new series yet 🙈), i love Star Wars, Lord of the Rings and Harry Potter (in the JKR loathing and practicing a critical gaze kind of way), i love the neil gaiman universes, i loved the Grishaverse books, my favorite manga is The Case Study of Vanitas and so on and so on... i've been into a lot of things and still feel like i missed out on so many cool other fandoms xD

Favorite Color: blue 🌠

Favorite Song: if i was asked this at gun point, i would be dead- (sorry, i have a hard time picking favourites anyway, and for that one i gave up trying long ago)

Favorite Author: again. there is no way i can pick a favourite. lol sorry for being boring like that but it is what it is. the author i read the most books of might be Haruki Murakami but i wouldn't say i prefer him for any particular reason, i love other writers and their stories just the same amount and for entirely different reasons.

Hobbies: making up stories, chatting with friends, hanging out in tumblr, making music, reading (i wish i did it more again these days..)

Favorite Holiday: 🎃👻

Do You Have Any Partner(s)?: in crime? sure, my besties and group of friends. romantic? nope. (and i am overthinking that)

Fun facts about you/anything extra you wanna share!: i've been into crocheting lately. and made my sister a clown opossum for christmas, which i finished 7pm on christmas eve (bc ofc it was a last minute idea). the most parts i did while binge-watching broadchurch. twice. pro tip: have better time management than i do. xD

Tagging: @vampwrrr @soft-jihoonie @dontbotheraziraphale @groovystrangerree and every mutual and non-mutual who want to do this ^~^

[afaramir]

hiiii denethor anon here!! wow you’re really IN IT now (denethorposting). not to add more fuel to your anger but last week i saw someone say they hated denethor. and i just realised god they don’t get him even on tumblr do they. since then i’ve been silently fuming in rage. anyway… i am very Very Intrigued by both your faramir-goes-to-rivendell-au and denethor-thorongil relationship (if you ever want to write another 800 words about this, i am here for it 👀) and this line “each of them sharpens himself upon the whetstone of the other…” fuck. fucking insane actually.

unfortunately i won’t be replying for several days (i’ve had to keep my phone in another room to keep myself from getting distracted) . my exams have started AND i’m going through some shit irl :( it’s alright tho i’ll have more Faramir and Denethor Hours soon <- chanting this constantly haha. but i am with you when denethorposting IN SPIRIT okay. oh and can we please please please have denethor december? 🙏 bye will be here soon after my exams (that will be after the 23rd march i’m afraid)

hiii denethor anon <333 i am SO sorry this is so late truly attempting to figure out how to write AND see my friends AND do things like clean my apartment and go to the grocery store while working The Job...it has eaten my life. and this week my regular coffee shop switched their hours bc i live in my old college town and they are on spring break and it has sent me directly to hell. the death of My Routine…i have coped by INCESSANTLY denethorposting on tumblr dot com. i am somehow EVEN MORE in it than i was when you sent this ask. i hope you enjoy me being truly crazyinsane whenever you get a chance to look at all those posts lol. would love 2 hear your thoughts on them. but ANYWAY as always it is so lovely to see you, i'm sorry things have been tough but truly with my whole heart i bestow upon you the strength of denethor's sixty-year psychic war (with none of the associated madness) to make it through. looking at the date i hope you are free now.

here is the mandated readmore because i have never met brevity in my whole life. u said write another 800 words and i took that as a challenge um this post is like 2000 words. well...back on my bullshit

i mean this with all the love and joy in my heart but i laughed so much. no my dear friend they do not get him on tumblr. they have not gotten him on tumblr from the beginning. if you have been spared the incessant tomato jokes i truly…[crying] I Wish I Were You So Bad. this guy doesnt even know about the tumblr denethor slander (POSITIVE) (YEARNING). its the trenches out here for real. i just live in my little bubble with me and you and like four other mutuals/Denethor Understanders and that is it.

speaking of denethor and the rivendell au. i miss the days when i was working on the faramir-in-gondor scenes. emotionally it felt like dying but i kind of knew what was going on. now i am in rivendell taking and failing this history of middle earth exam. and i am so very….the next time we see denethor for real is in return of the king. now girl…how will i survive another 80k words. i miss my boy my dear darling my tortured victim of the narrative. and according to the paragraph i just wrote faramir does too but is Refusing to admit it to himself<3

im also RIDICULOUSLY torn on how i want to resolve his arc. now just between you and me. and anyone who bothers to click that read more. I DONT WANT TO KILL HIM I WANT HIM TO LIVE. GOD I WANT HIM TO LIVE. I WILL WRITE YOU A THOUSAND HAPPY ENDINGS. except its not a happy ending its a you are not allowed to die you are forced to contend with your choices you must keep living ending. because he will always be tragic no matter what. but its ALSO a you can rest now you can be at peace son of gondor you have won your war. all you sacrificed has been worth it. you have given your all when that's what duty asked you for and it has been enough. and that makes my poor heart weep.

like on one hand the idea of resolving his storyline with faramir.......the opportunity for some kind of reconciliation, some kind of understanding between them...god. delicious. i know in my heart that faramir comes home and IS the lord that denethor once dreamed of being. not playing at it...he is high and lordly and gentle and the world bends around his will and he knows exactly what to bow to and when to stand his ground and his powers are honed to a keen edge that he uses with the utmost care and. AUGH. he walks into the citadel the IMAGE of his father. it makes me feel FERAL. and how would denethor react to that. man.

BUT ON THE OTHER HAND HOW DO I END THE STORY. like. LOL. do u know what i mean. likelihood of me being able to just have a triumphant coronation and tie it all up with a bow is soooo small. the narrative contortions i would have to go through. to have denethor accept that and still be in character. Girl....no thank u <3 so we havent worked THAT out yet. like how much of the madness and despair do i want to put into the narrative. We Shall See. IM not politically savvy enough to get real into the weeds with it all so im kind of rotating just. a beautiful set of reunions with the fellowship. eowyn and faramir get engaged. boromir and faramir see all their dreams of a gondor restored come true. we skate over the political minefield and deeply navigate the beginnings of denethor and faramir's relationship in this new world. and among it all, within it all, is hope, and a new dawn. and curtain.

i got distracted but re: we are in rivendell. it IS kind of fun to think about the themes and narratives. i am pushing my Let Faramir (And Denethor) Be Numenorean + Let Numenoreans Be Weird agendas so so sooo hard and i am having the time of my life with that specifically. birds follow him around and pick up the tunes he sings. he hears the voices of the people he loves in his head. he falls into a river and after having a breakdown about it promptly decides that The River Is Testing Him And He Has Passed. he gets to rivendell and INSTANTLY knows that there is someone Very Like Him Here (its elrond. the elrond-elros-faramir connection has me FROTHING at the mouth. faramir looks at elrond and sees his father and sees every statue of elros in minas tirith and Knows that this here is the son of earendil, gil-estel, his brightest north star. elrond looks at faramir and sees his brother, his dear dead doomed brother, and every numenorean descended from him and all their sins and all their glories and yet, kind as summer, sees beauty and knowledge and a strange quiet man who carries all the weight of his country on his shoulders and yet knows him, knows the legends; perhaps the blood of numenor is not yet spent in the south)

i just think that Every Elf that meets faramir along the way is like woah...hold up. there's something up with THIS guy! men ARENT supposed to do that! not anymore anyway! galadriel is Lowkey Threatened by him. and isnt that beautiful. woman who could be queen of the earth sees god's special chosen boy and goes hang on a minute. Fuck. i think they work out their shit by the time the company leaves lothlorien but like...just thinking about how faramir lowkey blamed her for boromir's death in rotk! idk how their dynamic is exaclty gonna manifest but there's definitely some sort of similar mindreader2mindreader tension!

AND. um the idea of faramir travelling with the fellowship discovering that maybe...well. he has never wanted to be a warrior but he has been honed into a blade anyway. by his father and by necessity. and perhaps for the first time in his life...outside of gondor he does not need to be all that. he can be mithrandir's pupil without censure he can be scholarly and witty and cunning - he is all these things, in gondor. but there he has to be them, and now he can discover that yes, this is what he wants to be. and he has never let his father and the expectations of his position STOP him but there is always a weight, there is always the knowledge that your actions are disapproved of, and being away from that for a while is i just think. really good for him. see above re: he comes home the image of his father in a gentler time. keep honking im sitting in my car crying about denethor ii twenty sixth steward of gondor.jpg (<- my greatest creation PLEASE click the link lol)

ALSO IM THRILLED YOU LIKED THAT WHETSTONE LINE LOL i kind of blacked out when i typed it on the page. i think truly the crazy thing about denethor and faramir is that they SHOULD understand each other. they know so much about each other and yet are so incompetent at actually putting it to any good use towards, you know, improving their relationship. faramir is incredibly emotionally intelligent AND can read minds AND has taken so many of what he probably views as denethor's worst traits and turned them to gentler uses. (im talking about his powers but im ALSO talking about that thing he does when he encounters frodo and sam where he plays woe is me my brother is dead and i miss him sooo much to get on their good sides. yes of course he misses boromir more than anything else in the world. no he is not above using it to his advantage. and we see the SAME THING when gandalf and pippin come to minas tirith. hey isn't it crazy that both of them use boromir as a. manipulation chip. even after he's dead. hey thats kind of fucked up actually!) and denethor is…well denethor is denethor. ok im mostly messing around and thought that sentence was funny. i think he Knows most everything that goes on in faramir's head and yet Wilfully Chooses to interpret it in the worst ways because its just soo....very I Thought I Raised You Better Than That/I Honed You To Be My Blade Stop Defying Me. and despite all that the Problem is that they understand each other right up until they don't. they know how THEY feel about each other (incredible love that they can only express in the worst ways/think they're expressing only to be spurned by the other) but cannot POSSIBLY imagine that the other feels the same way.

ive gone on for SO SO LONG ALREADY LOL but. what do i have to say about denethor and thorongil. not enough and too much all at once. they're so toxic and awful for each other they're MADE for each other they're beautiful narrative parallels they're homoerotic besties they're bitter rivals they're pawns in a proxy war they're locked at all times in a psychic psychosexual situationship. um the enemy of my enemy is kissing me with tongue. idk i have more symbolism and actual analysis especially of the denethor-ecthelion-thorongil Issue. but we are just getting into it. so i will start with the situations bc i have two angles for this. on one hand i do think it is very fun if they constantly homoerotically circle each other for years and years and never do a THING about it. like...this is a stitching up wounds wiping blood off each others faces battle couple/situationship situation that THEN turns into a ridiculously high functioning political rival partnership bent together over books long into the night catching each others eye in council meetings using their very real disdain for each other for Manipulation Purposes and getting uh. SO hot over it. like.....Do You Know What I Mean. just. truly unresolved sexual tension THROUGH THE ROOF. it DELIGHTS me. they are always putting themselves in situations. and then NOT making out about it. AND THEY CAN READ EACH OTHERS MINDS!! THE WHOLE TIME!! SO THEY KNOW EXACTLY HOW MUCH THEY WANT EACH OTHER AND STILL ARENT DOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT!!! like thats just really good. but on the other hand.......the idea of just an absolutely terrible beautiful toxic rivals with benefits codependent situationship. i hate you so much and you know what we DO need to make out about it. every time they fuck it is a power play and they are having SO much fun with it. they will both start arguments with each other (AND IN PUBLIC TOO) just so they can fight and make up. the mind reading...Oh You Know What I Mean. taylor swift voice we had this big white city all to ourselves we blocked the noise with the sound of i need you and for the first time i had something to lose! logically thorongil is not yet in his grubby ranger era but the idea of him being dirt smeared all the time and hanging out with prim proper polished denethor. in the fic (which does exist and DOES follow the second model) theres a scene where hes just chilling with his head in denethor's lap and denethor is actually rather delighted and devoting ALL of his copious braincells to pretending not to be. Man. well never say im not a slut for contrast. and now the rest of what i could say is simply straight up redacted for indecency so it is time for this post to be over. the last thing i have to say is that it absolutely ruins denethor's life forever when thorongil up and leaves. sometimes a situationship....anyway. MUCH LOVE TO YOU AS ALWAYS yes we will have denethor december i already have an url saved.

[mohabbaat]

You are becoming toxic day by day. The avi I saw on 1st day she logged onto Tumblr around 2020-2021 (i don't remember the year, but it's during corona time) is so different from the avi in 2024. You are trying to be what you are not just to fit with cool standards on Tumblr or to get validation from so called famous swiftie mutuals. Girl real world works far different than this bubble you live on Tumblr's extremely childish desiblr. In short you have lost your grace and elegance. You used to be unique. Now you are one of those wannabes

of course i am different bestie. it's called growing up. when i first logged in, i was doing my bachelors. now I am a fully grown adult with a master's degree and a fkn job. believe me, ik exactly how the real world works, way better than you do. and if i wanted validation from swiftie mutuals, i really won't keep criticizing taylor all the time. that being said, i have a piece of advice for you anon. understand that people change as they grow up. their likes and dislikes change. their behavior changes. it's the way of life. it has always been and it will always continue to be. that's why we sometimes grow apart from our childhood friends or high school sweethearts. because we change. it would be better for you in the long run, if you understand that as soon as possible. 🥰

[junemermaid]

sunday meme

I was tagged by the always excellent @michellemisfit, and whoever sees this may consider themselves tagged!

Name: June

Age: Definitely so old that all the cool kids I agree, I should be home ironing my taxes and not in the thick of fandom. Joke's on them, I'm never leaving.

Favourite Colour: I have many! Strong, earthy/muted blues and reds are lovely. I'm more partial to color combinations, perhaps. Anything that makes a good contrast.

Beverage of Choice: Black tea, mineral water, hot chocolate, cloudy apple cider.

Do you have push notifications turned on for tumblr? God, no.

Opinion on Fireworks? They're beautiful when done professionally, but I don't think the general public should necessarily have access to them (due to risk to humans, pets, and the environment).

Favourite Childhood Toy? Oh, like a proper toy and not, say, a book. ^^; I had a big stuffed lynx that lived on my bed many years into adulthood, too. I don't remember what happened to her, though—my parents might still have her in storage.

The store you shop at the most: … My local supermarket?

Do you swear a lot? In my natural state I swear fairly often. I clean it up for work and other polite company but in casual settings I do.

Favourite Trope: Slow burn! Hurt/comfort! Mutual pining! Battle couple! Most of all, however, I adore crunchy emotional complexity and anything a fic does to surprise me. Not in the weird edgy prestige TV sense of "if the audience guessed a logical plot point WE MUST CHANGE IT", but in the sense of having an interesting take on literally any aspect of character or lore.

An album with no skips: CMX — Vainajala

If you could play any instrument, what would you choose? A lute.

Your biggest pet peeve: In fandom or otherwise? At work, when people won't stop talking but just bubble on while I'm trying to help them. I don't need your whole life story, I just need to know what you want to ask. In fandom, top/bottom discourse.

Favourite time of day: Late evening, but also early morning (if I happen to be awake). I like being up when the world is quiet.

And finally, did you drink water today? I did, and am about to do so again.