#I am still Saved and I still believe in God and Christ and so I’ll still go to heaven

[insanechayne]

Next time you can just @ me sis ✌🏻💖

[happilysmythe]

❥ 𝙥 𝙥𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙧

trent frederic.

word count: 4.2k

warning: explicit content

"she wet in the shower" — gunna

A/N: this was an anonymous request for trent smut w/ a college student. so of course, i had to add some angst—makes it more fun. not to mention how much i love him, so who am i to deny it?! hope you enjoy! :)

- - -

“Do you think you’ll be able to come out soon?”

Trent’s hopeful tone of voice rang through the phone as you held it up to your ear, sitting comfortably in the quiet bedroom of your apartment. A pang of guilt washed over you. You already knew the answer, and it wasn’t the one he was looking for.

He and you first met when you were a freshman in college. He was a sophomore. You started dating quickly after. Now, you were a senior and he was playing in the NHL halfway across the country. But you lived in Wisconsin, so it wasn’t often that you got to see each other. It was difficult for him to visit during the team’s breaks, especially when the rest of his family was based in St. Louis. And you, on the other hand, were far too busy with work and school to make the extensive trips out.

“I don’t think so,” you finally sighed, pulling your knees into your chest. “I’ve been so busy, and I just—fuck, I miss you, but I can’t. And I’m so tight on money right now.”

“I’ll pay for it,” he pushed.

“Trent, I can’t,” you frowned, resting your chin on your knee. “Believe me—if I could, I’d already be there by now. It’s just…too much.”

A beat of silence followed, and you could practically picture the dejected look on his face. You knew he was still there—the soft noise of his breathing that came through the receiver told you so—but he waited to speak. He was running through any possible solutions in his head, yet not a single one was worthy of voicing.

“I want to see you,” he finally spoke. “I’m sick of only talking to you through the goddamned phone. It feels like this isn’t even real anymore.”

“Not real?” you asked, lips parted in shock. “Trent, what part of this isn’t real?”

“I—I don’t know. Look, I,” he breathed, “it’s just hard to watch all of the guys have their girlfriends here while mine is eleven hundred miles away and has barely even met any of them, alright?”

“Oh,” you spoke quietly, nodding your head as you took in his words. “So that’s it, huh? That’s the problem, isn’t it?” You fell back against your headboard, “You finally admit it, then. It’s because I’m not like them.”

“I never—”

“Oh, save it, Trent!” you shouted. “We knew this was what it would be like when the time came and we agreed to stay together. We agreed to make it work. Do you have any idea how much I’ve sacrificed to even be able to visit and see you when I do?”

You swallowed thickly, “I have juggled so many things in the past year and all I wanted was a little bit of sympathy from you. Christ’s sake, Trent, I know it sucks. I know, okay? But I am trying so goddamn hard to find the time to just talk to you like this right now!”

“That’s my whole point,” he retorted firmly, his voice irritated. “It’s like I never see you anymore. And when I come back, I have to decide between seeing you or my family, and you always make me choose them. So it’s pretty fucking frustrating to see everyone else have their girlfriends or their wives there when you barely get to talk to yours,” he took a breath. “This barely feels like anything anymore.”

“What, so you’re just going to act like I’ve never done anything for you? Like I haven’t been working day in and day out to make as much time for you as I can? I did everything for you when you still went to school here and this is the thanks I get?” you firmly stood your ground. “Yes, Trent, I know I’m not there. I know that. And god, I miss you more than anything—”

“Then come.”

“Jesus Christ, Trent, I can’t!”

You shook your head and sat up on your bed once more. You could only be thankful that you lived alone in your off-campus apartment, with all the back and forth you were having. “You can’t come here, and I can’t go there. That was the understanding when we agreed to make things work,” you lectured. “And trust me, it hurts me too. Fuck, it hurts to see people I don’t even know with their boyfriends. So don’t act like you’re the only one who’s hurting from this.”

“If this is making it work, then I don’t know what to do anymore.”

“Trent—”

“I’m just,” he shook his head, “god, I’m tired of this.”

Tears pricked at your eyes, the fear of what he’d say next slowly beginning to tear at your heartstrings. Although you hadn’t seen much of each other in recent years, Trent meant the world to you. He’d done just about everything in his power to keep you happy before he moved. And even after, he tried to see you as much as he could; as much as time would allow.

So the thought of what he might’ve been getting at made you sick to your stomach.

“You cannot put this on me,” you told him through the phone, fingers tightly gripped around the metal as if dropping it would make you lose him for good. “You have no. Right,” you swallowed, nostrils flared and teeth gritted. “It’s so fucking unfair.”

“You know what’s unfair?” His question lingered in the air, and you kept your mouth shut. It wasn’t something that you were meant to answer. So you waited.

“Being forgotten.”

And that was your final straw.

“Fuck you,” you sobbed, a tear cascading down your cheek. “If this whole long-distance thing wasn’t enough for you, then you should’ve just broken it off before.”

“I just wanted to see you.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not the one that left you, Trent.”

Your phone was face down on the bed almost instantly after you hung up. Any emotions you were desperately trying to suppress came to the surface, bringing you to tears as you buried your face into your knees. It all finally came to a head, and you couldn’t bear the outcome. Heavy sobs left your lips, pried relentlessly from your throat as guilt ripped through you. Your body refused to let up for even a second; not until every last drop of emotion was ripped from you.

And finally, once it was, you lay restless in your bed until morning, mind unable to escape the intruding idea of never seeing him again.

Hours turned into days, days into weeks of not hearing from him. Since that night, you began to work yourself harder, picking up hours to fill up the time you’d be alone. You couldn’t let yourself think about it, or else you’d break.

It had been almost a month since. You heard a knock on your door as you were headed for the bathroom, about to shower after another long shift. You were prepared for it to be another one of your friends. They’d been showing up at your door for days, trying to break you out of your funk, which only irritated you further. You sighed and tightened your robe, then walked to the door and swiftly opened it. 

“For the last time, I’m fine—”

It wasn’t your friends.

Surprise laced your expression. Trent was standing on the other side of the doorway, hands stuffed into his pockets. His body was tense as he stood silently.

“Trent,” you finally whispered.

He stepped closer, eyes boring into yours when your head tilted back to look at him. His lips parted to speak, but you gave him no such chance when you threw your arms around him. Any emotions that you’d suppressed immediately surfaced, tears streaming down your cheeks as you buried your face into his chest.

“Shh,” he cooed, hands rubbing gently up and down your back.

His hand came up to your cheek when you pulled back, using his thumb to gently wipe it dry. The warmth of his touch radiated through the skin and you felt a sense of familiarity, of comfort being in his hold again.

“I’m so sorry,” you cried softly, your arms tightening around his midsection.

“God, no, don’t,” he hesitated, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear, “please, don’t apologize. None of this is your fault.”

He frowned, “It’s mine. I shouldn’t have acted like such a baby.”

“But I just got angry. I didn’t even consider how you’d—”

“Hey,” he sternly interrupted, pulling your body into his. “This was on me. I knew how busy you’d be when we decided to stay together. I was upset that I couldn’t see you and I blamed you for that,” he breathed. “You didn’t deserve that. Not after everything you’ve done to make this work. I didn’t do my part.”

Another tear fell from your eye, burning the skin in its path. “I wasn’t trying to make you feel like this wasn’t real anymore,” you frowned.

“You didn’t do anything wrong. I’m just…dumb.”

“And I blamed you for leaving when you had no choice.”

He sighed deeply, urging your head to his chest. “It’s only a month left until you’re out, right?” he asked and you nodded, confirming his inquiry. “Okay. So we only have to tough out one more month of this…And then it’s over.”

“I’m so sorry,” he whispered.

“It’s okay,” you finally spoke, leaning into him. “I am, too.”

You finally leaned up to kiss him and he quickly reciprocated, pulling your chest flush against his. His head craned to the side, deepening the kiss and turning it into something more than just making up lost time. You jumped into his arms, wrapping your legs tightly around his waist. He hummed against your lips, fingers gripping the underside of your thighs to support your weight.

“I was about to,” you muttered between kisses, “shower.”

“Explains the robe.”

He began walking forward, carrying you down the hallway as you remained perched on his waist. The soft material of the robe slid off of your thighs, exposing them to the cool air and allowing you to feel his bare palms around them. The ring that sat on his right index finger dug into the soft skin as he reached the door to your bathroom. 

“Got room for one more?” he teased as he lowered you to your feet.

“Maybe,” you giggled in response, hands resting atop his shoulders. “Who’s asking?”

His fingers toyed with the belt on your robe, slowly beginning to loosen it around your waist. He lowered his head, forehead nearly touching yours, and softened his voice, “Someone who hasn’t been alone with his girlfriend in a long time.”

“Hm,” you considered, fingers dancing along the back of his neck, “I think something can be arranged, then.”

The robe’s soft fabric fell open as he let go and brought his hands to his shirt, removing it in one go. With that, you slipped the rest off and stepped into the shower, then quickly turned on the water as he rid himself of the rest of his clothing. As you waited, you shampooed your hair, thoroughly rinsing it out and basking in the warmth of the water over you.

It wasn’t long before the curtain opened and in stepped Trent, who had discarded all but his silver chain, including the ring he wore just moments before.

“God, have you gotten bigger?” you asked, hands traveling up his arms. “Or has it been that long?”

“Maybe you’ve just gotten smaller.”

You rolled your eyes promptly, chuckling softly before leaning up to kiss him again, allowing the hot water to cascade slowly down your back. You flipped your bodies around and his hair grew darker as it slowly dampened, curls dissipating as they flattened atop his head. You were quick to run your hands along his upper body, palms grazing the skin of his chest down to his stomach. Your touch earned a groan of approval from his lips as you and your body swiftly moved down.

Down to your knees, even, right in front of him.

A few soft, teasing kisses were pressed to his tip before you drew his cock into your warm mouth. A large hand snaked into your hair, roughly gripping the wet strands as he turned just slightly, back now facing the wall. The hot water coated his body, allowing your lips to glide smoothly along his length, teeth lightly grazing the skin.

“Fuck, I missed you,” he drawled, hand setting your pace as the steam from the water rose up around you.

Slowly, he began to pump his hips, tip hitting the back of your throat with each gentle thrust. His head drew back, pressing against the cool, wet tile as he sucked air through his teeth. Your nose nearly came into contact with his pubic bone as you took as much of him as your mouth would allow. But as much as he would’ve wanted to, he refrained from forcing you down.

Instead, he relished in the feeling of your pretty little mouth wrapped around his cock again for the first time in months.

Deep breaths left his mouth in the form of groans, his lips parted and face contorting with pleasure. Soon his head was off the wall again as he looked down, driven wild by the sight before him—his girlfriend on her knees in front of him, looking back up at him through tattered lashes, sporting stains of mascara that ran down her cheeks. 

It was nearly enough to send him over, and you felt him growing more tense. The grip on your hair tightened as he sped up your pace just slightly, a choked moan escaping your lips and humming against his skin. His free hand darted out and pressed firmly against the fogged glass door, aiding him in maintaining any sort of composure he could conjure up.

Just as he was about to warn you of how close he was, you slid him out of your mouth. When your eyes flitted up, they were met with his disapproving glance, chest rising and falling as he breathed deeply.

“Why did you stop?”

“To irritate you,” you scrunched your nose. “But mostly to tease you.”

Light kisses were intricately pressed to his tip, the action just perfectly denying him enough sensation to fulfill his needs. But enough to make him ache with want, with need; the need of release. Of breaking the taut line holding him together. He was on the brink, and you knew it, but you were denying him.

How cruel.

Maybe it was a form of payback for the argument he started a few weeks before. For making you think you were broken up for all that time. Something like that, he convinced himself. All he knew was that you had every intention of making him wait, and he had no choice but to accept it.

“Mm,” you hummed, the fingers of one hand curling around his length and the others around his thigh as your lips trailed the same torturous kisses down to the base and back up. His hand brushed through the dripping wet strands of dark ginger hair atop his head, feet planted deeply into the floor below him.

Unfortunately for you, he wasn’t the only one who craved his release. And fortunately for him, you were finally willing to give him the satisfaction.

So you drew just the head back into your warm mouth, tongue swirling around the swollen area tactfully. Soft lips glided along his skin as you slid them further down on him, and the line finally snapped like a twig. The aftermath flooded your senses, his taste gathering on your tongue as the sound of his groans filled your ears.

And his traces went smoothly down your throat with a prompt swallow.

“Fuck,” he finally managed, eyes following you as you rose to your feet.

“That,” you started, licking the remainder from the corner of your mouth, “was for that phone call.”

“Yeah?” he asked, a smirk settling in on his face.

“Mhm,” was your sharp-tongued response, bringing a grin to his lips. You reached for the conditioner, “And you deserved it.”

He nodded as you squeezed a bit into your hand, afterward lathering it in your hair. He brought his hands up to your head and tilted it back, using his fingers to rinse out the cream gently.

“Maybe I did,” Trent hoisted you up, an involuntary gasp falling from your lips.

“—But now it’s my turn.”

Your back pressed against the cool tile as he turned your bodies to the side, water now hitting him at an angle as he pinned you up. You breathed out sharply from the force at which you hit the wall, lips parting as your gaze fell on his grin-inhabited face. 

The heat formed beads of sweat on both you and Trent’s foreheads, mixing with the hot water as it continued to fall behind his body. He leaned up and connected his lips with yours, a hand running through your equally wet strands before sliding down your tense figure. The other locked fingers with your own and roughly pressed the back of your hand against the tile above your head, drawing a needy moan from your throat.

Your free hand slid up his front and came into contact with the cold, wet metal of his chain. God, you loved it. And he knew it, which was why he never took it off at moments like this; whether it was the tag tapping against your cheek as he thrust into you or it pressing into your skin as your back arched against him, or even just the sight of it poking out from under his shirts, it set you ablaze, similar to many other things about him. Like his hair. Or his hands.

Or the head of his cock as it dragged along your soaked folds, teasing you until you begged for more.

Which, oddly enough, was exactly what was happening to you then. 

“Trent—fuck,” the words weakly fell, “please.”

His lips were at your neck, working the soft, damp skin just as you did to his body just minutes before, only now the added pressure of him at your entrance came into play.

“What is it, hm?” he mumbled, trailing down to your collarbones and back up.

“Need to feel you,” you breathed heavily, “now.”

Lips stretched into a grin against your skin just before he pushed himself into you, allowing you to sink down onto him properly. Your hands quickly lifted and tenaciously gripped his shoulders for stability. His head lifted from your neck and fell back, mouth open as he exhaled deeply from the pressure of you enveloping him. He was hardening at an unfaltering rate from the sensation, and his mind was running a mile a minute.

Because no effort he made to relieve himself when he was alone could ever replace the feeling of your inner walls constricting around him.

And fuck, did he miss that feeling.

Finally, your boyfriend was buried inside you again. Finally, he was stretching you out again, occupying every last inch of space that your body would allow. The feeling was all too familiar, but that was what you loved most; how perfectly he fit you, and how it was still able to make you see stars, regardless of how many times you’d felt it before.

His hips instantly moved in a controlled rhythm, leaving no time to exchange pleasantries. Hard thrusts drove your vulnerable body up the wall, large hands now having moved to your hips, fingers pressing firmly into the wet skin. 

He wasn’t going to waste any time taking things slower, softer as he normally would. Oh, no—there was no time for that. He needed you oh, so desperately at that moment—to take you. Hard. Fast. That’s what months of deprivation did to a guy like him; a guy who hadn’t felt the touch of his girlfriend in so long that it hurt.

Luckily for him, he wasn’t the only one starving with want.

So the payoff was all the sweeter for the both of you as each torturous thrust forced the tip of his strained, desperate cock to brush just against the right spot within you. Various expletives filled the fogged air of the bathroom, sounding in the form of your weakened voice. Nail-shaped craters formed on the skin of his back while he roughly pistoned his hips forward and back, relentlessly pushing your back against the slick wall behind you.

“So glad you live alone and not on that fucking school ground,” he mumbled, pressing kisses to your exposed shoulder.

Usually, he was more gentle with you, and you’d grown accustomed to that. You liked it that way. But you couldn’t deny how much you loved, in contradiction, the times he decided that gentle wasn’t enough. That it simply wouldn’t do. When all he could think of was the burning desire to pin you to the wall and fuck you dumb with pleasure because he was so damn starved from not seeing you as often as he should. Because he knew better than anyone else that you could take it.

You’d no doubt have prints on your back from the incessant pressure of him pressing you against the tile behind you, and you briefly considered the thought. It left your mind quicker than it came, however, because it wouldn’t be the only thing left behind on your body from the exchange that night. 

They’d pair nicely with the marks that extended from your neck to your collarbones.

“Close, Trent,” you muttered, head falling forward and resting atop his shoulder. “I’m…fuck, I’m close.”

A phrase that had become so familiar to him, so routine, as if it were some sort of perverted Bible verse you’d been trained to memorize. One that he’d never get sick of hearing because he knew that every time he was the reason for it.

Of course, you didn’t have to say it, because he already knew you were there. And if you weren’t, someone ought to have explained to him why you felt so tight, all of a sudden.

“Come on, baby,” the words rolled off his tongue languidly, “let go.”

So you did, clenching around him and crying out with a weakness that laced your voice. White hot pleasure surged through your body as he fucked you through it, his thick cock continuing to provide you more pleasure with each calculated thrust than any store-bought substitute could manage. Calloused fingers grasped urgently at the swell of your hips, the hold on you firm enough to keep you stable as you shattered around him for what felt like the first time in years.

Not a moment was wasted before ropes of hot liquid emptied into your stomach, thoroughly coating your waiting, sensitive inner walls. A satisfied groan exited his lips, the sound low in your ear, and you were sure it was the hottest thing you’d ever heard. A hand traveled up to his wet locks, pushing his head forward and allowing your mouth to envelope his in a deep kiss as his hips slowly, carefully came to a stop. 

His tongue explored your mouth as if it had never been in its vicinity before, head tilting to give himself easier access. Meanwhile, he pulled out and began to lower you down, the muscles in his arms straining as they held you up for support. Your feet were once again planted on the wet, slippery floor of the shower as your spent body remained still between his large frame and the tiled wall behind you.

He pulled away and stepped back, sliding his hands off you as he turned the knob behind him to increase the water’s temperature. Then, he moved in the stream’s direction, arms reaching outward and pulling you toward him. Your back quickly came into contact with his firm chest, metal pressing against the now patterned skin as his hands placed themselves atop your slick skin.

A pair of soft lips peppered gentle kisses from your neck down to your shoulder, fingers rising to brush your hair away. The scalding hot water hit his back and extended to your exposed shoulder blades, effectively relaxing the tense muscles of your worked bodies. After all, it had been quite the bit of time since either of you had been in such a position.

“I love you,” he murmured, lips brushing against the skin of your ear as his hands ran down along your arms beside you.

Your head fell back against his chest, “I love you, too.”

He leaned down to press another kiss to your lips, arms wrapping around your waist and his hands finding purchase on your stomach, allowing him to inch your body closer to his. Both his and your eyes then fell shut as you settled into him.

It was all so…intimate; intimate in large contrast to the last time you spoke to him before he showed up at your door looking for forgiveness. And of course, he received it, because the whole disagreement was fueled by the sole fact that he simply missed the woman he loved.

The same woman who stood in his embrace as they fell into a comfortable silence, minds focused only on the sound of the water and the steam slowly rising around them.

[justmeinadaze]

Take It Out On Me Part 4 (Steddie X Plus Size Reader)

A/N: God I am about to start my period and I needed this y'all. Lol. It does lean more towards Steve than Steddie in this case and there was a reason story wise that I did that.

Enjoy!

Warnings: Dom Steddie and Plus Size sub reader. Like I said this is more of a Steve chapter but reader does mention Eddie a lot and the events of the previous chapter. Phone smut so dirty talk abound with degrading. Reader does get picked on again by Carol and starts a fight (both girls get hurt; not much), Reader hits Steve, she does use the save word but its not in a sexual setting. You'll see.

I think that's it.

Word Count: 3708

“What happened?!”

“Masie, Jesus Christ, nothing happened. Steve let me use his shower and then I crashed in the guest bedroom. It’s fine.”

Over the weekend and into the start of new school week, your friend continued to ask you the same question repeatedly. Every time you gave her the same answer but she never seemed to believe it. 

“Why would you even want to stay there?”

“Can we drop it? Please?”

“Fine. I’ll drop it for now but at some point, you have to come clean about your crush on Eddie Munson.” You roll your eyes as you close your locker and walk with her to lunch. “You know his dad is in jail, right?”

“Maze!”

“What! I’m just saying.”

As you both headed to your table, Eddie flashed you a small smile before focusing his attention back to his friends. When you passed Steve’s usual table, however, you were surprised to find that he wasn’t there. He had been in class that morning so he was here today and he was in class that afternoon. 

You wanted to ask him what was going on but you still didn’t know how to approach him or Eddie during school hours. You didn’t even know what the three of you were. 

Since you no longer had detention, you promptly returned home after school and tried to focus on your homework but it was hard. They both kept flashing through the back of your mind. You still didn’t know much about either of them and they definitely didn’t know anything about you. 

You did know Eddie Munson’s father was in prison but you weren’t sure what for. The town came up with their own ideas and used them against the metalhead whenever they could. Your parents always warned you to stay away from him because he was “bad news” but to you the rumors always seemed far-fetched. 

Steve Harrington you thought you did know but as you learned you didn’t. Every time you two talked, you found out something new and the new pieces left you more confused. 

For two people who seemed to like to take charge, they appeared to have little to no control over their surroundings.  

The sound of your phone ringing shook you out of your thoughts as you leaned over to your bed side table to answer it.

“Hello?”

“Hey Y/N. It’s Steve. Steve Harrington.”

“Hey. Good thing you told me your last name. Wouldn’t want to confuse you with the other Steve I’m expecting to call.” The sound of his breathy laugh made you grin. 

“Fuck that other Steve. I hope I’m not bothering you.”

“No. You’re not bothering me. I’m just doing my homework for our history class.”

“None of that shit makes any sense to me.”

“I, um, I can help you…if you want. Maybe, after school or something.”

“You’d want to help me?”

“Yeah, of course. Eddie to if he wants it. I know he’s having some trouble with Ms. O’Donnell’s class.” There was silence on his end except for the sound of his steady breathing. A sigh escaped your lips at the action, reminding you of falling asleep beside his warm, comforting frame. “Steve. Why weren’t you at lunch today?”

“Were you looking for me, honey?”

“No. I mean, I pass you both on the way to my table and you weren’t at yours with your friends.”

“Yeah. I didn’t feel like…dealing with them today.”

“Hm. I understand the feeling.” He became silent again making you worry. “Steve…are you okay?”

“Of course, I am.” You heard what sounded like him adjusting his body as he shifted on his bed. “Why? Do I not sound fine?”

“You just sound a little…lethargic.”

“Why? Because I’m calling to talk to you?! Look, I just wanted to hear your voice, okay?”

“Steve! Steve! Breathe, baby.” You have no idea where that term of endearment came from or what gave you the confidence to use it. Maybe it was hearing his panic or you just needing to hear his own confidence return. He didn’t scold you for saying it nor reprimand you in anyway so you decided to test the waters and see where this took you when it came to Steve Harrington. 

“Breathe. I’m glad you called. I really am. I just hate hearing you sound so sad. I wish I could be there so I could hold you and make you feel better.”

His breathing had begun to slow and you felt the tension break. “Is that all you would do if you were here?”

“I’d do anything you wanted me to, sweetheart. I belong to you and Eddie.”

“Yeah, baby. You do. Where are you right now? In bed?” When you confirm, his groan fills the receiver. “Me to. What, uh, what are wearing?”

“Nothing attractive.”, you giggle. “I have a big, blue oversized shirt and my pajama shorts.” 

Steve chuckles at your admission; not in a mocking way but filled with adoration especially at your honesty. “Most girls lie about that kind of thing. It’s kind of ridiculous like guys don’t expect you to be lounging at home in your lingerie.”

“Well, I don’t have any lingerie so”, you laugh harder. 

“Shit, Y/N. We need to correct that as soon as possible! I’m not going to lie though; I think you still look sexy in what you have on.”

“How would you know!? You can’t even see me.”

“Because you look beautiful in everything you wear.” A pleasure filled gasp finds its way from your lips. You weren’t expecting that. “Yeah? You like hearing me compliment you, pretty girl?”

“I…I do.”

“Why don’t you get naked for me? Like when you were here.” While you do as your told, he continues to talk to you. “I really did like waking up with you naked next to me. I can’t stop thinking about how gorgeous your fucking body is. Every fucking curve just…drives me crazy. Fuck, I’m so fucking hard right now just thinking about it.”

“Steve…”, you moan at his words as you climbed back into bed with your legs spread. 

“Do you have toys or anything?”

“Please. My parents would kill me if they found anything like that.”

“How do you usually get yourself off?”

“Honestly? I…don’t.”

Now this particular laugh he gave was meant to tease. “Honey, you’re telling me that you, the girl that said she likes to be used and fucked senseless…DOESN’T play with herself almost every day?”

“I’m telling you…yes.”, you smirk. “It’s not that I don’t know how or don’t want to…it just never worked for me. And I haven’t tried since we started fucking because I’m too fucking sore.”

You both laugh, yours much breathier than his. 

“Is your pussy still sore?”

“A little. Eddie really wore it out.”

“I bet he did. Did you like it though? Him fucking you like the whore you are?

“Steve.”, you whimpered as your hips slowly began to grind onto air. 

“Answer me, Y/N.”

“Yes, I liked him fucking me like a whore.”

“Fuck. Put your fingers between your legs, baby, and tell me how fucking wet you are.”

Gliding you digits between your folds; you feel the slick practically leaking down your thighs. “You’re making me drip, Steve. My sheets are soaked already. Are…are you stroking your big, thick cock?”

“Y/N, I’ve been palming my dick since you said you belong to us.”

“Aw, do you need me to remind you sometimes?”

“No…I just like hearing you say it. To hear you…fuck…submit. Put your fingers inside of your cunt.” Steve’s tone became more forceful and you promptly did as he commanded, whimpering at the feeling. “God, you sound so fucking sexy. H-how many fingers are you using?”

“Mmm—two.”

“Use one more.”

“Steve…I-I-I can’t.”

“Don’t fucking talk back to me. Remember, you’re the whore here, Y/N. You can take—mmm—our cocks but you can’t take three of your tiny fingers?!”

Your mouth opened in a silent O as you squeeze one more digit into your tight hole, moaning at the sweet feeling of you stretching yourself open. 

“Good girl. Such a good fucking girl for me. How does it feel?”

“Full…so…full. Fuck…I’m gonna—”

“Me to. Cum for me, honey.” You turned your head, muffling your moans in your pillow as you came. On the other line, you heard Steve grunt followed by his own heavy breathing. 

“Are you…okay?”

“Yeah…yeah, I am. Fuck.”, you laughed as your head fell back. 

“Don’t put your clothes back on. I want you to fall asleep naked and dream of me, pretty girl. Okay? Fuck, I wish you had a toy so you could sleep with it inside you because I would give anything to be able to do that with you right now.”

“Steve…”

“Do you like that idea? Fuck, just thinking of me and Eddie being able to fall sleep with us both inside you is making me hard again. Waking up in the middle of the night to take you again…over and over…Jesus.”

“Steve…I-I have to go. Please, don’t get me worked up again.”, you giggle trying to hide your moans at his words. “Good night, baby.”

“Sweet dreams, beautiful.”

#################

During your free period the next day, you sat in the hallway leaning near your locker as you studied for an up coming test. The sound of squeaking sneakers followed by loud skidding made you look up just in time to see Eddie sliding on his jeaned knees toward your side.

“Hey princess.” You giggled as you grinned up at him. “What are you doing out here?”

“I’m just studying for a test.” When you flashed him your notecards, he immediately yanked them out of your grasp as he got more comfortable beside you. 

“Geez, look at you all prepared. Why are you out here and not in the library or something?”

“There’s no one out here.” You gesture along the hallway for emphasis. “Plus, it’s quieter than the library…for some reason.”

“I heard you offered to help Harrington and I with our classes.”

“Oh, yeah. Of course. I don’t mind. I’m not great with everything but…” Eddie nods as you flash him a tiny smile. 

“I’d like that a lot. Unless it’s D & D, I struggle to retain that information. It’s almost like my brain shuts off or something.” He hands you back your cards and you place them in your lap. “How are you doing? Since the party I mean.”

“I’m ok. My dad didn’t smell any of the beer and thankfully Masie’s mom smokes so anything from your van he didn’t take as out of the ordinary.”

“Are you trying to tell me that my van smells like smoke?” He playfully squints his eyes at you as you laugh. 

“I’m saying that sometimes when I leave you two, I come in smelling like you two especially your cigarettes.” You glance towards the floor as you fidget with your hands. “It doesn’t bother me though…the smoke smell. It, um, makes me think of you now.”

You blushed as you felt his eyes on your face. “Sweetheart, you can’t get all shy on me now. Especially after a little bird told me you said you enjoyed me fucking you like the whore you are.” Your eyes locked with his as he grinned. “I wish I heard you say it for myself.”

After looking around, you reached for his chin as your thumb glided along him bottom lip. “I liked you fucking me, Eddie. I told Steve I was still sore from how you stretched me open.”

His breath stuttered a bit as his lips puckered out to kiss the pad of your finger. You both jumped a part at the sound of heels as a teacher breezed pass the hallway. 

“I wish I could fuck you right now.”, he whispered. “I have to go to this stupid fucking class or Principal Higgins threatened to suspend me again. My uncle will throw a fit.”

“Is that who you live with… your uncle?”

“Yup. In the trailer park a few miles down the way.”

“Where’s your mom?”

Eddie’s eyes meet yours with an amused smile. “I’m assuming since you asked that instead of where both my parents are that you’ve heard the rumors about my dad.”

“I know the town has their own stories… I’d rather hear it from you. Whenever you’re ready I mean.” 

He scans your over trying to get a read on you just as Steve had. You jump when the bell rings and students quickly begin filing out into the hall. Without another word, he rises to his feet, smiling down at you before disappearing in the herd of kids.

#############

As the day came to a close, you headed for the parking lot, lost in the prospect that one of the boys would call you tonight. You froze as you noticed a small crowd had gathered near a spot you were sure your car was currently sitting. As you pushed past people, the murmurs got louder until you finally made your way to the middle. 

You bag and books fell to the ground as your arms collapsed to your sides. On the side of your vehicle, spray painted in big letters were the words “Fat whore” in bright orange. The first thing that flashed through you mind was panic. How am I supposed to drive home with this? Everyone is going to see it. My parents are going to quiz me and demand to speak with the principal. They would cause a scene which is something I don’t need. 

Then, that fear was replaced with extreme anger. He told them. Steve told them about what him and I have been up to. How could he do this? I knew he wasn’t any different!

“Love the new paint job, Y/N?” Carol’s snarky tone cut through your internal breakdown. “I think it suits you.”

Something snapped inside of you as you gradually made your way over to before punching her square in the nose. Carol fell backwards, collecting her bearings before charging at you. As you both fell to the ground, the crowd started screaming and chanting. 

Suddenly, you felt an arm wrap around your waist and lift you off the girl underneath you. You fought trying to get back to her but it was no use.

“Y/N! Stop! Stop it!” Eddie held you tighter to him as he tried to calm you down. 

“Get the fuck off of me!”, you shouted.

“Stupid bitch! This isn’t over!”, Carol screamed as Tommy cupped her face in his hands. 

“Yes, it is!” Steve’s voice boomed over everyone else’s as he placed himself in front of you. “Stop this now. No more name calling or humiliating her. Just leave her the fuck alone.”

“What’s it to you?”, Tommy asked. “We’re your friends and if I recall Stevie boy you laughed along with us when we were doing that so called ‘humiliation’ in the past.”

“You’re not my friends anymore. Now get the fuck out of my face or else I will make yours look exactly like your girlfriend’s.”

They glared at each other before Tommy turned around and tugged Carol’s arm as they headed for their car. Steve swiveled his body to face you as you continued to fight against Eddie’s hold. As soon as they are far enough away and the crowd had dissipated, he releases you and you promptly fly towards the other boy, smacking him in the face. 

“How could you do this to me!? I thought you were different! How could you tell them everything?!” 

You fist flew again and he immediately caught your wrist, spinning you around till your back was against his chest. 

“Eddie. Van.”

You continue to struggle as he clings to you, pushing you forward to follow the metalhead. Once they reach his vehicle, Eddie climbs in and starts the engine while Steve throws you in the back, crawling in behind you. 

The van begins to move as you continue to fight and push, him allowing it before capturing you again and trapping you in his lap. What’s happening? Where are they taking me? How could he do this? How could he do this? How could he—"

“VANILLA!”

As soon as you shout the safe word, Eddie stomps on the breaks causing all the three of you to tilt forward. You climbed out of the bed of the van, tears clouding your vision as you began to walk away. 

“Y/N, wait.” Steve tries to grab your arm, ducking when you take another swing. “Please, I’m trying to respect your boundaries but you need to stop hitting me!”

“How could you do that!?”

“Do what?! What do you think I did!?”

“You told them! You told them I like being degraded and used!”

“Y/N, I haven’t talked to either of them since my party on Saturday.”

“Oh, fuck you! So, Carol just happens to call me a whore the day after we talk about it over the phone?!”

“I swear on my life I only told Eddie about that call. Honestly, it’s kind of pissing me off that you think I would ever stoop that low and hurt you like that! I may be an asshole but I’m not a complete fucking asshole.”

“That makes no sense.”, Eddie chuckles behind him. Steve rolls his eyes as he places his hands on his hips.

“How can I trust you, Steve? Tommy was right. You laughed along with them many times. What am I supposed to think?”

The man sighs as he begins to angrily pace. A thought shimmers in his eyes before he marches towards the van and sits on the back end. 

“What are you doing?”, you ask as he starts taking off his shoes.

“I don’t know how to show you that you can trust me especially after all the fucked up shit that I’ve done so I’m going for the next best thing.” 

Eddie’s jaw drops as Steve takes off his shirt and pants, exposing himself for anyone who should be driving by. 

“Tell me what I have to do. I’ll stand here all night or I can go back to the school and saunter down the hallways with my dick hanging out. Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do it.” A smile creeps across your face causing him to breathe a sigh of relief. “Y/N, I swear I didn’t say a word. Carol says stupid shit like that all the time. It’s like the only words she knows are ‘Whore. Bitch. And Tommy is it in yet.”

You laugh hard at that as he gradually steps toward you. “May I hug you?” As soon as you nod, he arms descend around you, clinging to your body. When you hiss, he pulls back slightly, seeing the blood glistening on your shoulder. “Munson.”

“Oh shit. Yeah, I have some stuff at the trailer. Looks like she scratched you good, sweetheart. Do you feel safe enough to come over or do you want me to take you home?”

“I can come over.”

##############

Eddie’s room was completely different from Steve’s but exactly how you would picture it when it came to the metalhead. It was a total mess which didn’t seem to bother him at all as he tore through the area looking for something to take care of you. The band posters on the wall made you smile as they were some of the bands you and Masie always listened to when you slept over. 

You reached out and picked up a folder hanging slightly off his nightstand. “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons Screen”. As you flip through it, your eyes take in all the monster and story information he’s collected, smiling at the sloppy notes he’s written along to side. 

“Steve, is there a particular reason you haven’t put your clothes back on?”, Eddie asks as he throws himself down on the bed next to you. “Take this off, babe.”, he whispers softly as he tugs at the hem of your shirt.

“It was to prove a point but now I’m just comfortable.”, he chuckles.

“Shit. I have to call my dad. May I?”, you ask as you reach for his phone. 

He nods as he places the damp rag in his hand on your shoulder and you hiss at the sting. Eddie’s other hand runs through your hair down the back of your head and you smile at the gesture as you dial your home phone. 

“Jesus, Y/N, where are you? You were supposed to be home 30min ago.”

“I know, mom. I’m sorry. My car kind of gave out on me so Masie’s dad towed it to the shop. I’m still here.”

“Hm. Well, I’m glad you’re ok. Will you be spending the night again? I need to know so I can tell your dad.”

Your eyes shift between the men in front of you as you try to decide. “Um, yeah. I will be spending the night. That way I can pick up my car in the morning before school.”

“That’s a good idea. Ok, sweetie. Have fun with Masie and we’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Look at you, you bad girl.”, Eddie grins as you hang up the phone. “What gives you the idea that you CAN spend the night here, hm?”

“SOMEONE informed me that you both like sleeping beside me naked so… I figured I’d utilize the opportunity.” You beamed up at him as he removed the rag and tossed it to the side. 

“Um, fuck, I don’t have any bandages or anything. Not ones big enough for this.”

“It’s ok. It doesn’t really hurt as much anymore…”

“I can grab some from the corner store when I go get her car later.”

“Oh, Steve, you don’t have to do that—”

“Do you not want me to?”, he cut you off. 

“Um, I mean, I don’t mind. I’m just saying—”

“Ok. Case closed.”

Eddie rolls his eyes as the other man leans back flat on his bed, reaching on to his floor, and throwing a pair of sweats at him. “At least but on some pants for right now for God’s sake. I think you proved your point.”

###########

@manda-panda-monium @sherrylyn628 @local-stoner-bitch

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[zialltops]

honeysuckle’s & huckleberry’s

Cowboy!Joel (41) X F!Reader (25) | 15.5k | wip | explicit | 18+ minors dni | enemies to lovers | slow burn | au: no cordyceps outbreak

After four years away at collage, you’re finally home with the tools and knowledge to save your family ranch. That is, if their ranch hand would stay out of your way.

Or: Ranch hand Joel doesn’t know how to handle the return of his bosses prodigy daughter, her snarky little attitude, or her sinfully tight jeans.

a/n: this chapter gets me right in the feels every time. I love watching the way Joels character changes and his train of thought shifts. I hope you guys like this chapter because it was so fun for me to write 🥹❄️

Masterlink

Chapter 3: Blue

As it turns out, extreme levels of dopamine in his brain after a bone chilling orgasm is exactly what Joel needs to level himself out while you’re sitting beside him in the passenger seat. It doesn’t make him stop thinking about it, but it does keep the tiny little gremlin in his head that tells him to pop a stiffy at bay. The only thing he has to worry about is his eyes, keeping them off of you and on the icy driveway as he pulls away from the house. The snow has started to melt, leaving behind a sloppy mud that makes the truck slip and slide. “I don’t know if I’ll be able to get your car out, even if I can I don’t think you’ll be able to drive it in this.”

You make an exaggerated groan and he doesn’t even need to look to know you’re rolling your eyes at him from your spot beside him on the bench seat. “You just love deciding what I can and can’t do, don’t you? You know I lived here my whole life right?” He dares a glance over and you’re staring at him with your eyebrows knitted together and your arms crossed. His eyes tick down and he wants to kick himself in the head for even looking because your shirt is leaving nothing to his imagination and little to wonder about how good they would look bare with his dick between—jesus christ, Joel, get yourself together Man. “I wasn’t doubting your ability, I’m suggesting that it would be dangerous for you to even try.”

The truck hits the pavement and most of the snow has melted, but the freezing temperatures leave a icy film across the top. He had to go easy on the breaks and hope to god the truck makes it up the inclines he has to take to get to your car. The last thing he needs is to be stuck out here in the cold with just your bodies to keep each other warm. He absolutely one hundred and ten percent wont survive that, not without absolutely humiliating himself. God, he fucking hates how much you affect him against his will.

“Since when do you care about what’s too dangerous for me, huh?” Why in the hell is he arguing with you like you’ve been married for twenty years? “You left me in the snow to freeze to death in my car four days ago, why am I going to listen to you about whats too dangerous for me?” You have a point, but so does he so he just shuts his fucking mouth and keeps on driving.

It takes twice as much time to get down the pass than it usually does, but the lower Joel gets, the more the ice melts into cold water and mud. By the time he gets to your car, the road is clear but the car is still sunk down to the rims in the embankment. Theres a uneasy sort of silence in the truck, something lingering around the cab of the old blue pickup that feels like shame and embarrassment.

“Texting, huh?” He breaks the silence with a crude joke that earns him a deep glare. “Fuck you, asshole. You know, I really don’t know what it is that my parents see in you. My mom always said how polite you were but I don’t believe that for a second after knowing you for a few days.” You prop open the door and climb out into the snow with your car keys in one hand and the other holding your unzipped jacket closed. Your stupid fucking shoes and that tight ass—fuck.

How is he supposed to be okay with the way you make his body react when you literally curse the ground he walks on, thinking he’s the worst thing that ever happened to this damn town? He gets out after you and slips on his gloves to keep the cold off his hands. The winter always leaves him cracked and brittle from cold work, sometimes his knuckles bleed and his bones ache for gentle hands instead of hard callouses and a cowboys scars. “You don’t know anything about me.” He reaches into the back for a chain while you open the door to your car. “I know enough. I know you’re bullheaded and selfish. I know you’re rude and you don’t care about anyone but yourself.”

Fucking bitch, like he’s not allowed to have some self preservation after the life he’s lived, always cleaning up Tommy's mess and abandoning his own life in the process. “Don’t act like you’re any better.” You lean out of your car and make a face at him while he hooks the chain to the front of the truck. “Me? You don’t know a damn thing about me.” Like you didn’t just spout off about all the things you think is wrong with him—he can do that too. He has a fucking list of reasons you piss him off. “I know that you’re entitled and expect people to be at your beck and call. I know you’re privileged with no regard for anyone around you.”

He follows the chain to your car and hooks it to the chassis underneath. “Well were just a match made in fucking heaven then, aren’t we?” Its dripping with distain and bitterness, so Joel ignores the comment no matter how much his brain runs and runs about all the way he could be made for you, the way’s he’d fuck that attitude right out of you until you’re quiet. But he can’t and he won’t, he’ll probably spend the rest of his life wondering what you’d feel like, the way you’d shake and scream and beg for more—but wondering is far as that fantasy will ever go.

Because at the end of the day, you’re still Hank's daughter and you’re still half his age and—you hate his guts, which is definitely a deal breaker when it comes to getting someone in your bed. So he keeps his mouth shut and heads back to his truck to tug your car out. “When you’re out, hit your brakes so you don't slam into me.” You sink down into your seat and glare at him. “I’m not stupid!” He never said you were, but he doesn’t expect you to know everything, so he does his best to be the helpful asshole he usually is.

He pulls the little car out, manages to keep the chain tight until it's back on the road and the brake lights come on in front of him. He puts the truck in park and hops out to unhook the chain, but you don’t open the door. When the car is unhooked, you’re already pulling away without a word of thanks. Joel knows he’s well past earning the way you treat him, but that doesn’t make him stop wishing he could just get you out of his head already, wish he could hate you with that same mind altering disgust that you have for him, maybe watching you drive away would be easier.

Two months pass much like the first week. Joel keeps to himself, you frown at him and avoid him where you can. When you do see one another, Joel feels like you’re always at each other's throats. Everyone in the house has started to notice the distaste in your strained relationship, if Joel is willing to let himself call it that. It’s more like a forced acquaintance. Either way, your parents even see the way the two of you bicker and fight, but rarely does anyone but Tommy make comments about it. Tommy likes to bring it up any chance he gets, usually when Joel is alone just to rile him up further. He says stupid shit, like “I bet the sex you guys would have would be crazy good” when it’s just him and his brother at the dinner table and it makes Joel stiffen and run off to the cabin without his plate or a goodbye.

He sneaks in later for his plate and catches you in the kitchen with red eyes and tear stained cheeks, but you cross your arms over your chest and try not to meet his eyes. You’re dressed in just a big tee shirt and he can see from your bare feet to the tops of your thighs. He’s the luckiest son of s bitch in the world that he just worked himself over twice because he would be tenting his sweatpants right there in the kitchen.

That was three days ago and he still can’t get the sight of tears in your eyes out of his mind. He wonders if he did that, if he’d said something that struck a nerve and there you sat at the kitchen table after everyone was tucked in bed, crying your pretty eyes out. He feels like the worst fucking person in the world because of it, so he stays away even more, makes himself sad little ramen noodle dinners in his sad little hunting cabin he shares with his brother and he stares at his ceiling wishing it was you he was looking up at—smiling instead of frowning for once—all he wants is to see you smile. Really smile, for him, at him. He wonders what your eyes look up when they light up, wonders what your skin feels like when its not shaking in rage.

But between all the avoiding and hiding, Joel didn’t even realize how quickly Christmas had snuck up on him. He checks his phone sometime after lunch, his day spent getting the herd ready for another brutal snow storm. He’d been to town that morning for hot feed to keep them warm and any supplies they might run out of while snowed in, while deep, dark clouds hung in the distance. He was leaving the feed store when the clerk waved at him with a polite “Merry Christmas!” When he made it into the truck, he pulled out his phone and realized the date, December 24th. It was Christmas eve and it was an absolute miracle that stores were open right now. It was only eleven thirty and the sign posted on the door says it closes at two.

He starts to put the truck in reverse, turning around to look behind him while he pulls out. When he does, something inside of him doesn’t let his foot off the brakes. He thinks about you—in Christmas pajamas on the floor opening dumb little gifts from your parents because it's the first Christmas they’ve had with you for years. He imagines what they’d get you, probably things a grown adult needs—products, socks, underwear, (don’t even go there Joel) and he thinks about how disheartening that must be to a woman like you, used to proper city living now, expensive gifts and pretty things. You deserve pretty things, Joel wants to give them to you.

He turns around, throws the truck in park and jumps out, heading back into the feed store. He makes a bee-line for the glass jewelry case sitting in the corner, partially scavenged through since it is the day before christmas and all—he should have thought about this weeks ago. He scans through everything, shiny horse shoe earrings, matching pendants, jeweled cowgirl boots on a chain and turquoise ring sets. None of them look good enough, none of them scream you, sweet you—fuck, he’s seen it, when you’re so damn sweet, when you think no one is looking—Joel is, always looking.

He kneels down, scanning the bottom shelf of the case when he spots a simple golden chain and a bumble bee dangling delicately from its tiny hoops. It doesn’t have any stones on it and Joel thinks he likes that more, that it’s simple and graceful, not too flashy or obviously shoutings “look at what you do to me, look at how much I wish I could have you.”

In the end, he has just enough bills in his wallet for the necklace, tells the clerk he doesn’t need a bag as he stuffs the box in his pocket and heads back to the truck.

He has a busy day when he gets back to ranch, Tommy is checking on the pregnant heifers while Joel fill’s multiple feeders with hot grains that will keep them warm through the impending storm. He has just enough time before it starts to snow to get the horse fed and the equipment properly covered in tarps. This storm is set to drop more snow than they have seen all winter and Joel doesn’t look forward to the animosity that comes with never being able to get out of each other's hair. “How’s the heifers?” He asks Tommy when he brushes grain off his hands. “They all seem pretty far out besides one, she was really soft, sort of worried me.” Heifers get soft around the tail when they are close to caving, but Joel doesn’t think she’ll be willing to have her calf in this storm, so he lets it go. Instead, he takes a spot beside Tommy at the stable door.

“Snow’s comin’ down thick now,” Tommy says from the protective covering of the stable, staring out across the yard at the powder covered ground. Snow blows through the big sliding door, filling the building with cold gusts. “We should get inside before it gets worse.”

Joel wants to—when he looks off at the two story house, the christmas tree shining through the window, he spots you on the other side of it, fixing and ornament hanging from the nettles. The stable is a stone's throw from the house, Joel can see every feature, the color of your eyes, your sweet, sweet smile—because he’s nowhere to be seen.

He’s so busy staring, he doesn’t catch it in time when your eyes meet his across the yard. That sweet smile falls, those soft eyes harden and he feels his gut lurch. “You go ahead, Tommy. Think I’m going to hit the hay.” Tommy knows this bit just about as well as Joel does, knows he’s been avoiding the house, your parents, you because nine times out of ten, it’s just Tommy at dinner these days. Joel spends his night with microwaved meals and old episodes of The Rifleman to keep him busy until he finally gives in and slips his hands in his pants.

Tommy doesn’t put up a fuss, instead, he claps Joel on the shoulder and gives him this sad sort of smile before heading off towards the house. Joel turns in the other direction, follows the fence line for a half mile until he reaches the cabin. His feet are cold, his lips feel cracked after a long day outside in the harsh weather. He microwaves a sad little dinner, pretends the mac and cheese on the side is half as good as warm food at the table when the people he looks at like family. He’s simply not welcome there anymore.

He gets through two episodes before he promptly passes out, his pants left intact tonight because it’s not his dick leading the way tonight, its that look in your eyes when you saw him across the driveway. The pang he felt in his chest when you frowned and turned away like it hurt you to look at him.

He sleeps through the night, propped up like that on the couch and when he wakes on Christmas morning, his neck has a crick in it and his back is killing him. He barely drags himself off the couch and into the shower before his day has to start. The hot water eases out some of his muscles, but it still hurts like a bitch to stand up straight or turn his head.

But the cattle aren’t going to let him take a day off, the horses won't care for themselves, so he gets to it only a few minutes late. When he heads out the door, the ground is covered in two feet of pure white snow and dark clouds still hang overhead.

His Christmas is spent in the field’s and the stables and the box in his pocket burns a hole through his thigh the entire morning, until he’s shoveling off the driveway and the front door comes open. Louise makes her way onto the porch with a plate in her hands, shuffling down the slippery steps when she gets Joel’s attention. He tosses down the shovel and hurries over when she starts to wobble on the second step and nearly slips. He catches her arm and helps her steady before letting out a cold gust of air that fogs through the chill around him. “Miss Lou, what are you doin’ out here? It’s freezing.” She has a light coat on and her cheeks are red from the cold.

“You’re the one out here in the cold, Joel. It’s Christmas and you’re the only one working. Have you had a decent meal this week? I haven’t seen you at dinner in…well, I don’t know how long.” She’s the one reason Joel feels guilty for avoiding the house, in the years he’s lived here, she's always enjoyed cooking for them, she’d always tell him he couldn’t keep her dream alive if he was malnourished. He feels like that now, running on half the calories a man his size should be taking in and his mind is in a constant state of despair these days.

“Just needed some space is all, Ma’am, nothin’ you did.” He assures her, taking the plate carefully and helping her back up the steps. “I know it's not just that. My daughter can be really difficult sometimes…I know you two bicker. It’s a shame, really—I thought the two of you would hit it off.” That's the whole problem and what a shame it is that Joel can’t look at this woman’s daughter without thinking about all the ways he could have her, make her his. “Would you come inside? Hank and I got you something, he thought you would be in this morning but you never came. I'm sorry if your food is cold.”

He didn’t care if it was cold, his stomach hurt because he was so hungry, he'd eat it if it was frozen. He doesn’t have the heart to tell her no, so he heads inside the house with snow covered boots and a nervousness he hasn’t felt here since the first day he stood in this living room. For so long it's felt like his home too—but now he can't help but feel like an intruder.

When he closes the door behind him, Hank and Tommy are watching the game, but you’re nowhere in sight. He tries to shake off his nerves, moves to the couch beside Tommy and sits down. At his brother's feet is a brand new pair of deer skin gloves, Tommy’s favorite—but hard to come by. He knows they weren’t cheap and his heart aches a little, knowing they’d worked hard to pull together the money.

“Glad to see you can pull yourself away for a few minutes. You know it ain’t goin’ anywhere, stay for a little while.” He knows that—the storm will be with them for four days and he knows there will be more snow to shovel tomorrow, but he can’t stay for long, not when your prying eyes finally detect him in your safe haven. “I’ll stay for a little while, still a lot to do out there.” He knows Hank is too old for that kind of work, Tommy’s too lazy and Joel wants nothing more than to escape. “Got you somethin’, been saving up for it for a while now.” He leans down towards the tree and picks up a rather large box—it’s not gloves thats for damn sure. “Sir, I…I didn’t get you nothin’.” He didn’t have the money, he spent every dollar he had to his name on a stupid necklace for his daughter that would rather see him outside in the freezing weather shoveling snow than on her couch in front of the fireplace.

Hank throws a hand, playing off Joel's concern with an amused huff. “You do so much for us around here without asking for anything in return. You had one when you got here but i know it got tore up taking the cattle to pasture.”

Joel rips the wrapping paper, revealing a simple white box with the word Stetson on the top. Joel doesn’t even want to open the damn thing, he knows what's inside and how much it cost, an arm and a leg, probably a month's saving in the off season. “Hank…”

The olde man shakes his head firmly. “You deserve to have the sun off your neck, son. Just say thank you, make sure it fits.”

He pulls open the box and inside lays a black felt hat with a matching band, beautiful leather work that loops into an ornate metal buckle to hold it in place. He pulls the cowboy hat from its box, puts it on his head and—it’s a perfect fit.

It's been a long time since he had a hat, a lot longer since he had a nice one and a lifetime ago since he had the money for a new one, especially one this nice. “I don’t know what to say—thank you, Hank…this really…means more than you know.” More than he knows how to convey with words. It’s been a long time since Joel had a hat that fit, one that wasn’t second hand or made for someone else’s head. But this—this was made for his head, the measurement must be damn near perfect. “How’d you know my size?” He wobbles his head around and the hat doesn’t budge, hangs on snuggly. He’ll even be able to ride with this on. “I measured your head while you were sleepin’.” Tommy tells him with a smug grin. “That's weird, Tommy. I would have kept that to myself.”

It draws a laugh out of Hank who has abandoned the game in favor of watching Joel's excitement. “Well, what are you waiting for—go check yourself out in the mirror, make sure you like it,” he stands and walks over to the mirror hanging on the wall above a decorative entryway shelf. When he spots himself in the reflection, he realizes just how long it’s been since he’s seen the man looking back at him. He’s graying in his beard a little, the age lines on his face have gotten deeper and more pronounced, but the black hat on his head makes that same man grin from ear to ear.

The stairs creek behind him and he turns half of his body to look up them. Stopped halfway down the stairs, you’re staring at him with a slightly slacked jaw. Joel knew it, Christmas jammies that leave your legs exposed to his greedy eyes. This time, he tries to keep them to himself. “Oh, uh…” he swallows down the lump in his throat and his pocket burns all over again. Should he give it to you now? Will everyone question him if he does? If he waits to get you alone, does that suggest that the necklace means everything he wants it to? A peace offering, an ice breaker, a “I’m sorry about the way I’ve treated you, but I want to try again.”

Instead, he leaves it in his pocket and tries to tamper down the way his cheeks heat. “Merry Christmas, Honey.” He tilts his hat up a tad so he can look up at you, but your slightly dumbfounded look morphs into irritation and discontent.

“What are you doing here?” You cross your arms and Joel’s good mood disappears. “Your mom asked me to come in and eat. Your dad wanted to give me this.” He points to the hat and your eyes roll as you make the descent down the rest of the stairs. “So if you’re in here, who’s taking care of the ranch?”

It isn’t often that someone sticks up for one of them in an argument, they tend to not get between the two of you, but to Joel’s surprise, Hank interrupts his daughter. “He’s allowed to come in the house, Honey—he works hard around here, he’s not a yard dog.” But that doesn’t stop you from sneering at him when you pass him on your way to the kitchen where your mother is. “Sure looks like one to me.” It’s under your breath so Hank doesn’t hear, but Joel does.

And he feels like a fool. A fool for spending the last of his money on this stupid fucking necklace, like a fool for being so plagued by thoughts of you in a different world, one where you don’t innately hate him, one where he doesn’t fuck up every chance he has to change the narrative.

“I should get back to it, I’ll see you guys…later.” He starts to head for the door when Louise pokes her head around the corner. “Please come in for Dinner!” Joel tells her that he will, he hates lying to miss Lou, but he does it because it’s Christmas and the last thing he wants to do is worry her today.

He wastes the day shoveling off the driveway, tries his best to rub out the crick in his neck and finally calls it a day when the sun is nearly set and the animals are bunkered down for the night. It’s started to snow again, so Joel makes his way back to the cabin with tired limbs and a new dusting of snow hanging onto the brim of his hat.

Dinner is just as lonely as the night before but this time he doesn’t pretend it's Lou’s cooking, he lets it be exactly what it is—a tasteless mush and his misery to sip on.

The Rifleman is just as predictable as it was the night before, as is Joel—who falls asleep before he has the heart to get his hands on his dick. But unlike last night, he doesn’t make it long propped up on the couch before a knock startles him awake. He drags himself to the door with sleep in his eyes and a chill in his bones. When he pulls it open, his pocket ignites again. On the other side of the door, you’re standing in front of him with a plate in your hands and a vicious storm letting down behind you. Did you walk here in that? “My mom said I chased you off, that’s why you didn’t come to dinner.” Well, you aren’t wrong. If you were still away at college, Joel would have no problem spending Christmas with Hank and Louise and Tommy who is apparently too good to walk you down here.

“You didn’t have to bring me anything.” He says. He glances to the side where his hat hangs on the rack. “Actually, my mom made me so no, I didn’t have a choice.” Ahh, of course—of course you wouldn’t do something that nice for him. “Well, thank her for me, then…” he reaches out for the plate and his fingers brush yours—bolts of electricity shooting up his arm and igniting his starved skin. It’s been so damn long since someone has touched him with kind hands and all he wants is yours—your soft, gentle hands he’s seen folding laundry and soothing horses. You don’t release the plate, but your eyes track up to his, meeting them across the threshold.

He could hold that gaze for the rest of his life if you’d let him—he’s always wanted a chance to get lost in your eyes and he’s getting it right now, his home pouring with cold in exchange for the heat in your cheeks and the sparkle in your irises. “Joel—“

There's a loud sound somewhere over the fence beside the cabin. It draws both of your attention to the blinding darkness. Joel knows that sound, a distressed heifer, probably the one who was too damn close to calving in a storm like this. There’s no way Joel can save that calf if it doesn’t make it and even if he wanted to, the snow is too thick to help.

“What is that?” You ask, finally dropping your hand away from his when you glance back up at him. “Heifer, think she’s calving—Tommy said she was really soft and her milk came in. Afraid that calf might not make it tonight.”

There's a look of disbelief in your eyes, shooting from Joel to the fence line and back. “You can’t help her?” Joel shakes his head and listens to the cow cry out again. “Nothin’ I can do for her. They aren’t supposed to be calving yet, we still have a few more weeks and it’s too cold out there. We might lose the heifer too.”

Joel observes the way sadness takes over your face, then determination. “I’m going out there to help her.” You tell him, already heading off the porch before Joel can even interject. “Don’t you hear me? She’s not going to make it, honey, just let it go.” But you don’t, you start to jog towards the fence line, so Joel huffs in annoyance and slips into his boots and jacket, finally pulling his hat on on his way out the door. He grabs a spotlight off the shelf by the door and follows your tracks through the snow to the fence line. It doesn’t take him long until he finds you, knelt behind a laboring cow, who’s already pushing in the freezing cold. “I can’t get this calf to safety and this storm is getting worse—it’s not safe to be out here.”

There's blood marring the white snow and your delicate hands. “I’m not letting her die in the snow on christmas because we made her have a baby, Joel—she didn’t ask for this.” Joel sets the light in the snow beside him and rolls his sleeves up, kneeling down beside you in the soaked snow. “She’s not going to make it.”

You make a face at him, one Joel is more than accustomed to. “I’m not letting her die alone, then.” And Joel isn’t going to leave you alone in the snow for a second time, so he stays there beside you, helping deliver the little black calf, who shivers wetly in the cold. It’s a little boy, floppy ears and a wobble to him when he tries to hold his head up. Joel can't help but smile, because this is always beautiful, even if he can't save this little calf. He looks up and you’re grinning right back at him, your cheeks bitten red by the cold and your hands shaking, but you look so fucking proud right now. Joel is too, after watching you pull that calf out of his momma like you were made for that.

“What if we get them inside, would they make it then?” Joel doesn’t see how, the snow is too thick and someone would have to carry him. “They wont fit in my cabin and the stable is a half a mile away. We’d have to drag momma through this snow.” He has a lead in the cabin, he could get her out of this snow, he thinks. Would she even want to go, after having a calf in the ridged cold. “We should try—we should at least try.”

Joel leans back and brushes the blood off on his pants. “Yeah—fine, we can try. Stay right here, keep rubbing him to keep him warm.” He stands and jogs back to the cabin, racing inside for the lead that he runs back to you with. You have the calf laid out along your legs while you rub his wet skin. “He’s slowing down. I can feel his heart slowing down.” He’s getting too cold out here—if Joel doesn’t act now, he won't make it, so he wraps the halter around the heifers head and hands you the lead. “Think you can pull her? She’s going to put up a fight.” You take the lead from him and nod, grabbing the light out of the snow while he picks the calf up under his belly. He makes a little sound at Joel while he starts to make his way through the deep snow.

It’s a long walk back to the stables, but you tug on that heifer and Joel carries the calf the entire way there, until he reaches the gate and manages to push it open just enough to get them through. He makes it to the stable doors in just enough time, throws it open and helps you inside. It’s not much warmer in here, but theres no snow and theres straw in the empty stable towards the back, so Joel makes his way over and lays the little calf down in the bedding. You’re right behind him with the heifer who takes straight to her baby once she has him in her sight again.

Joel plops down in the straw in the corner of the room once they are both situated, trying to catch his breath and warm himself up at the same time. He’s covered in blood, so are you, but you saved both of their lives and Joel has more respect for that than he knows what to do with. You risked your life out there for a baby cow and his momma.

“You did a good thing, out there. I’m sorry I didn’t want to listen to you.” You find a spot beside him in the hay and sink down, leaned against the wood wall with your shoulder pressed against his with how closely you sit. “You have every right to question me…you’re right, you know…I have no clue what I’m doing around here. Four years of school and the only thing I know how to do around here is the books, which is easy because were so broke.” Joel's heart aches for you, the sadness in your tone and the defeated look in your eyes. “I almost got us killed out there.”

Joel shakes his head and leans himself back against the wall too. “But you didn’t. You saved us a lot of money and saved his little life. I’d say that's a win.” He knows it doesn’t feel like one when everything else is coming down on your shoulders, but he can pretend it is for your sake. “Thanks, Joel.” You lean a little more, bumping his shoulder with a quiet yawn.

His pocket begins to burn again, but this time, it isn’t followed by the shame he’s felt all day. “I uhm…I hope it’s not weird, but I got you something…” he reaches into his pocket and starts to fish it out. “You didn’t have to do that,” you interject but he shakes his head. “I just saw it while I was at the feed store, thought of you.” He pulls out the blue box and holds it out to you. He tries not to read too much into the look on your face when you open the box, but he has to know. It looks like confusion, then shock and finally, sadness. “I was really rude to you this mornin’…and you had this in your pocket to give it to me?” You look over at him with big eyes, full of something Joel has never seen in them. “It’s alright—I deserved that.”

You shake your head and start to pull the necklace out of the box. “I called you a dog, Joel—you didn’t deserve that.”

He shrugs his shoulders, trying to rid both of you of the shame of that conversation. You hold the necklace up and admire it for a while, the little gold bee that’s going to lay against your chest, against your heart. You hold it out to him with a little quick of your lips. “Would you?” He takes it from you and you turn your back to him, using one hand to hold up your hair while he undoes the clasp and brings his hands around your neck, laying it around your delicate throat. It feels so intimate, sitting here in the hay beside a newborn baby calf in the middle of a snowstorm on christmas.

His knuckles brush against your neck gently when he does the clasp together, letting is hang from your neck, feels like a fucking brand on his skin. You turn back around, meet his eyes and smile carefully. There's a comfortable silence filling up the space between you, so Joel leans back against the wood and sighs to himself. “Let me walk you back to the house…it’s getting late.” His words are low and slow.

You nod at him and he stands, holding out a hand to pull you to your feet. He walks you out of the stables, through the blizzard and up to the porch of the big white house. “Where are you going?” You ask him when you get to the door. “Don’t know if I can make it back to the cabin in this. Might sleep out in the stable so I can keep an eye on the little guy.”

You don’t say anything, just stare at him for a long moment, then glance behind you at the warm house. “Come inside…Tommy took the guest bedroom but you can have the couch. It’s better than being out here in the cold.”

He wants to decline, but when will he get this opportunity again? To mend what's been broken between you? “Yeah—sure, that sounds better than straw poking me in the ass all night long.”

It makes you giggle and that makes Joel's stomach churn, his cheeks heat and his hands flex as he follows you inside. You get him a blanket, help him get situated in the low glow of the christmas tree in the corner.

When he kicks his boots off and settles down on the couch, you start to head for the stairs. He thinks you’re going to head up, but you pause at the bottom of the stairs before turning to look at him. “Thank you for helping me today.”

He hums, smiles and shakes his head. “It was my pleasure.”

There's another long silence, then you take the first step up the stairs. “Goodnight, Joel…Merry Christmas.”

He smiles back at you with tired eyes.

“Merry Christmas, Honey.”

[ourtearsofrain]

A Dangerous Duo (everyone)

Summary: Sam and Josh try drag.

Pairings: Danny Wagner x Sam Kiszka, Josh Kiszka x Male O.C., Jake Kiszka x Male O.C.

Genre: no clue, too long to be drabble but there’s no smut or angst or anything. Just a fun little fic about our boys trying drag for the first time.

Word Count: 6.2 k

Warnings: language? But what’s new with them

A/N: I would highly recommend reading Save a Horse and Ride a Cowboy as well as their previous fics, as this is a continuation of their stories within this Universe. I love Sebastian with all my heart, Sirena is an amazing drag mother to Josh and Sam.

“Yeah, just right there is fine. Thanks, Daniel.” Sam smiles as Danny sets his bags down where he had directed him to.

Austin follows close behind, setting Josh’s bags near Sams.

“Sure we can’t do anythin’ else to help, darlin’?”

“Nope, that’s it. Thanks, love.” Josh presses a quick kiss to his cheek as he passes him, setting the rest of his bags down.

“Jesus Christ Josh, how much shit do you have? You have at least twice as many bags as I do.”

Josh rolls his eyes at his youngest brother, “Go big or go home, Sam. In my defense, my second wig is fucking massive, takes an entire bag up.”

“I still can’t believe you guys won’t tell us anything about your routines. Please can we just have one piece of information like what songs you’re doing?”

Sam walks over to his boyfriend and places his hands on the sides of his face, bringing him close to his own with a loving look, teasing him with their proximity. “That would ruin the surprise, Daniel.” Sam drops his hands before turning away so he can’t see the pouty look on Danny’s face that always got him what he wanted.

“I know what you’re doing, Daniel. I’m not caving this time.”

Josh begins shooing the other boys towards the door, slowing making his way towards them so they had no choice but to back out of the room. “Anyways, we need to start getting ready so, and I mean this with all the love I have for you two but, fuck off.”

Danny turns towards Austin, shaking his head in mock hurt. “See how they just throw us to the curb once they got their use out of us?”

Austin laughs, joining in on the bit. “Knew he was just keepin’ me around for my muscles. I’ll reckon this was their plan all along.”

“Yep, you caught us.” Sam chimes in, bent over his bags as he searched through their contents for his makeup bag.

“Mhm, that was our whole devious plan all along.” Josh begins closing the door, shouting a final, “Kay see you later, love you, bye.” before closing the door in their faces.

Danny scoffs, loud enough for them to hear on the other side of the door, before dropping the act and turning as he and Austin begin walking down the hall. They bump into Sebastian and Jake, also carrying bags as they make their way towards the room Sam and Josh were occupying.

Danny practically jumps them, “Jake! Sebastian! Oh my god please just tell us SOMETHING about Josh and Sam’s routines. They won’t say anything and I know you know something about them. They keep making these little inside jokes with mischievous smiles and I am fucking dying to know why.”

Jake throws his hands up in defense. “Hey don’t look at me, Seb won’t tell me anything either.”

Sebastian motions as if he was zipping and locking his lips, throwing away the key with a secretive smile on his face. “I ain’t sayin’ nothin’, kid. All I’ll say is I hope you brought a shit tonna ones.” He winks at Jake, “Maybe even some fives and tens if you’re feelin’ generous.”

Danny groans in frustration, all hope of finding out his boyfriend and brothers plans leaving him.

Austin offers him a pat on the back, as if he were consoling him. “It’s alright, Dan. We’ll find out soon enough.”

“Easy for you to say. Josh may be a shit head but he’s sweet at heart so it balances out. Sam’s just a shit head, I don’t trust that fucker. When I asked about his songs he just giggled, and he never giggles so I know he’s up to something.” He looks towards Jake, whose eyebrows were raised at his comment. “You know I say that with all the love in my heart for him.”

 A grin breaks onto his face, and Danny silently curses Josh for getting his twin to do theater in high school with him. “Yeah I know, Sam’s a shit head. I was just fucking with you.” Sebastian and him start to make their way past the other two boys. “Anyways, I’m gonna help Seb drop these bags at the room, wait up for me?”

“Of course.”

“Try and peek into the room if you can, they just started getting ready but I bet you could spot some clues.” Danny calls after them.

“Uh, uh. No way, mon beau. I got the bags from here, thank you for your help. Go join them, love. I gotta go help my daughters get ready.”

Jake pouts up at his boyfriend, attempting to sway him as he was also curious about what his brothers had in store for the show. Sebastian looks at him with a slight smile, unwavering in his statement to not spill their secrets, his hand outstretched and motioning to take the bags. Jake sighs, giving up and handing them to him before giving him a quick kiss.

“See you boys in a few hours. Love you, Jake.”

“Love you too, Seb. Have fun trying not to strangle them.”

Sebastian only laughs as he makes his way down the hall, already hearing the lively bickering of the brothers behind the door.

The three men turn, weaving through the maze of the back rooms before finding the entrance to the main venue, still empty as the doors didn’t open for another two hours. They find a table near the back corner, knowing their partners would find them and give them a little extra attention no matter where they sat.

“I’m gonna go get us drinks while we wait. Want anything?” Danny questions, standing and looking at the others questioningly.

“The usual’s fine with me, Dan. Thank you.”

“Same for me, thanks.”

“You got it. Be right back.”

--------------------------------------------------------

“I swear to god Joshua I’m going to vomit.” Sam screeches, his voice filling the small room.

“I told you I had colored contacts, Sam. If you don’t wanna see it then just look away while I put them in.” Josh retorts as he brings his hands back up to his eye, struggling to put his contacts in as Sam squirms beside him.

Sam physically cringes, turning away from his brother as his entire body shivers, groaning in his disgust. “That’s not helping, I can feel you putting them in.”

“Maybe if you would shut the fuck up, I could concentrate and get it done faster, dipshit.”

“Alright ladies, settle down. Can’t have y’all killin’ each other right before your first show.”

Sam focuses on adjusting his first hairdo of the night, trying his best to ignore his brother next to him but finding it increasingly hard as they shared the mirror.

“Got it!” Josh says excitedly, blinking rapidly as his eyes adjusted. “How do I look, Sam?”

He makes eye contact with him through the mirror, the bright red of his eyes an unusual sight. Sam grimaces at the lack of the familiar warm brown of his brothers’ eyes. “Creepy as hell.”

Josh prods him in the ribs, sarcasm dripping from his words. “Yeah, that’s the only reason I chose this color, to creep you out.” He wiggles his fingers at Sam as he inches closer to him.

Sam jumps out of his chair, putting as much space between him and Josh as the small room would allow. “Nope, nope, fuck off.”

Josh laughs, dropping his hands as he stands, beginning to rifle through his belongings in search of his outfit.

Sebastian bends to check his wig in the mirror, already having finished his makeup and getting dressed long before they had. “Alright, finish up. Show starts in 30 and y’all are the first performers of the night.” He makes his way to the door, opening it and stopping at the entryway to offer a final, “See y’all out there.” Before leaving them to get dressed.

“Hey Sam have you seen my-“ Josh’s question is cut short as a soft piece of foam hits the side of his head. He bends to pick the foam bra insert up, “Yeah that.” He fully turns towards Sam, “Do you know where the other one is-“

Once again, Sam chucks the insert at him, this time hitting him square in the face.

“I swear to god I’m gonna shove this so far up your ass-"

--------------------------------------------------------

Danny anxiously checks the time on his phone, relieved to see the show was scheduled to start in a few minutes. He lets out a shaky breath, his leg bouncing as he finds any outlet for his nerves.

Jake notices, gently elbowing him to bring him back to the moment. “Danny, chill. Don’t worry you won’t have to wait much longer to see what my dickhead brothers have planned.”

Just as he finishes his sentence the club lights dim, and a bright spotlight falls on Sirena as she enters the stage from the side. She immediately consumes all of Jakes attention and he sucks a sharp breath in as his eyes wander over his boyfriend. His gaze goes from her tall stiletto boots, up her legs covered by blood red, loose leather pants, continuing to her tight fitting high-collared shirt, a heart shaped hole at the center of her chest to show off her impressively contoured “cleavage”. The light catches on her spiked choker as his eyes continue their journey upwards, he takes in her long locs, the same blood red as her pants. His gaze finally comes to a stop on her black eyes, the colored contacts covering both the iris and whites of them. The crowd cheers as she takes her place, adjusting to the bright light and checking her mic before starting.

“First of all, thank y’all for comin’ out tonight! How y’all feelin’?”

The crowd roars in response as Sirena grins, waiting for them to quiet down before she continues. “Fuckin’ fantastic! That’s what I love to hear! I do got a few things to say before we start tonight. First, consent is fucking sexy! If you don’t want extra attention or interaction from a performer, just throw your arms up into an “X” and they’ll respect that. Consent also goes two ways, so make sure to not touch a performer without them initiatin’ that interaction. The second thing is, tip your mother fuckin’ performers! It’s expensive to look this cheap, y’all. And lastly, tonight is a very special night. I have the pleasure of introducin’ y’all to my first ever drag daughters who’re gonna start us off this evenin’!”

Austin lets loose a shrill wolf whistle as the crowd erupts once more, causing Sirena to shout over them. “So I better see some fuckin’ tips in the air cause they’ve worked hard for this shit! Swear to god I’ve spent more time with them these last two weeks than I have my own boyfriend.” She jokes.

“Without further ado, may I introduce you to Elle Fernanda and Callie Bungah!” She yells, stepping off the stage as the spotlight cuts out.

It quickly reappears joined by soft red lights, fixed on the split curtains at the back of the stage. A too-familiar electronic intro begins and Danny’s jaw drops.

“Oh my fucking god, they didn’t.”

Josh and Sam burst through the middle, perfectly lip syncing to the song as it starts, matching the attitude of it with their stage personas.

“I like the girls that do drugs (Drugs).

Girls with cigarettes in the back of the club (Club).

Girls that hate cops and buy guns (Guns).

Girls with no buns, girls that’s mean just for fun.

I like girls who make love, but I love girls who like to fuck.”

Both Danny and Austin’s jaws drop, blushes falling across their faces as they take in their boyfriends’ appearances. Danny can’t seem to be mad at Sam for his song choice as his eyes roam his body, looking so unlike Sam that Danny’s not sure he would recognize him if Sirena hadn’t announced that it was him. His long, wavy locks are pulled into two space buns, his bangs messy and unruly, purposely left out. His makeup is light, with thin wings of eyeliner, visible blush, and dark painted lips. As Jake had noticed with Sirena, Danny doesn’t miss the way the light catches on his spiked choker, eyes continuing downwards as the boys move on stage. He has a fishnet shirt underneath his high-collared tank top, both tucked into tight black leather pants. Danny almost laughs when his eyes finally find their way to his short black heels, knowing that if they were any taller, he would most defiantly break his ankle. He tears his eyes away from Sam, looking over at Austin to see his reaction to Josh’s outfit, to see the other boy staring, mouth still agape with his eyes fixed intently on Josh.

Austin doesn’t know where to look, his focus constantly shifting from different aspects of Josh’s appearance and outfit as he takes it all in. His curly, brown hair replaced by a jet-black coiled bun with two strands on either side of his face left out as bangs. Austin realizes Josh is only an inch or two shorter than his brother, noticing for the first time his tall, red, sparkly stiletto heels. His eyes travel up his legs clad in fishnet tights, his gaze lingering for a couple seconds on the short hem of his leather skirt. He manages to tear his gaze away, his eyes travelling up his exposed stomach, only covered by a fishnet shirt as his V-line cropped tank top barely covers his chest. Passing over the leather choker around his neck, Austin’s gaze finally settles on his blood red eyes, with thick red eyeliner to match it.

Jake watches his brothers performance as they weave through the crowd, snatching tips out of outstretched hands as they make their way steadily to the corner they occupied. He looks over to Austin and Danny, laughing when he sees them both enthralled by their partners, eyes wide and jaws dropped. “Hey guys, think you have a little drool coming out of your mouth there.”

This comment snaps them out of it, blood rushing to their faces as they scramble for their wallets, seeing their partners drawing nearer to their table by the second. They finally reach their table, making their way towards their respective boyfriends. Sam momentarily ignores the bill in Danny’s hand, instead grabbing his hips and slotting his body in between his knees.

“They say I’m too fuckin’ horny,

Wanna put me in a cage.

I’d probably fuck the hole in the wall

The guy before made.”

Sam thrusts his hips forward, emphasizing the words with each movement of his body. Danny freezes, his face red as his thoughts are consumed by nothing but Sam and his act. Sam smiles wolfishly at him before snatching the money out of his hand, turning and half bending over, shaking his ass before strutting away as if nothing had happened, continuing with his performance.

Josh is a little less lewd in his interaction with Austin, grabbing his tip and slowly running his hand up Austins arm, making a full circle around him before stopping with a wide stance in front of him, aiming a “gun” at him with his fingers and pretending to pull the trigger as the chorus plays “Girls that hate cops and buy guns (pew).” Josh smiles wide at him, winking before he turns, dropping down into a quick deep squat, pushing his ass out towards Austin as he stands before making his way through the crowd as Sam had done.

Both continue weaving through the tables, snatching tips out of the air as the song continues. They reach the stage, synchronizing their movements once more as they lip sync.

“I like the girls who like to lie that they came,

Girls who fuck on the train.

Girls who got so much hair on they ass, it clogs the drain.”

They both shake their asses at this before Josh splits off to the side of the stage, jumping high and landing a perfect death drop as the beat of the last chorus drops. Austin chokes on his spit as the crowd erupts, Josh rolling onto his knees continuing to dance from his spot on the floor. Sam turns, squatting low next to Josh, who falls backwards as he tosses his tips in the air, knees still on the floor as the song ends and the lights cut out.

Wolf whistles are heard amidst the deafening cheering and applause as the patrons rise from their seats to give them a standing ovation. Danny and Austin are the only ones still sitting, their minds still focused on the performance they just witnessed to notice they were the only ones not on their feet. The lights cut back on as Josh and Sam rise, Sirena taking the stage with a mic as they catch their breaths.

“Holy fuckin’ shit y’all! I’ve seen them practice that at least 50 times and even I am real fuckin’ impressed, that was fantastic! Lets give them another round of applause!” The crowd continues their applause as they take their seats, still cheering for them as Josh and Sam beam from the stage, acknowledging the crowds praise with thankful gestures. “How y’all feelin’?”

She points the mic towards Josh, still recovering from the performance. “Really fucking out of breath.” He laughs as he gulps down air, chest heaving from exertion. Sirena laughs before pointing the mic towards Sam on her other side.

“How bout you, kid?”

“Sweaty.” He grimaces before he continues, “Very, very sweaty… in very uncomfortable places.”

Sirena throws her head back as she laughs loudly, bringing the mic back to her lips. “Welcome to drag.” She turns to face the crowd again. “Now, my daughters are gonna go change and take a short break, but don’t y’all worry, we’ll be seein’ more of ‘em tonight.”

With that, Josh and Sam exit the stage, waving their goodbyes and blowing kisses to the crowd as they give their final cheers before they disappear backstage.

“We got a whole line up of amazingly talented queens and kings for the night, but, for the next,” she looks at her wrist as if she was checking the time, “Three minutes and 20 seconds, give or take, y’all are stuck with me.” The crowd whoops and hollers, and Jake brings both index and middle fingers up to his lips, letting a shrill whistle out. “So, I’d like to introduce y’all to your next performer… me!” She laughs, the crowd continuing their cheers as she hands the mic off to Sparrow just off stage before the lights go dark as she sets up for her song.

The intro starts, and Jake immediately recognizes the song, having heard it hundreds of times from many of Sebastians playlists.

“’Cause baby, now we’ve got bad blood.

You know it used to be mad love.

So take a look what you’ve done,

‘Cause baby, now we’ve got bad blood, hey!”

She steps off the stage, beginning to prowl the crowd as her persona completely switches when the song changes from Taylor Swifts part to Kendrick Lamars’.

“I can’t take it back, look where I’m at.

We was OG like D.O.C., remember that?

My TLC was quite OD, ID my facts.

Now POV of you and me, similar Iraq.”

She weaves her way through the crowd, snatching tips as she passes people, her eyes scanning the crowd as she makes sure to interact with the other patrons despite her internal desire to run over to Jake and give him all her attention. She manages to gather her restraint, keeping herself deliberately away from the corner him and the other boys occupied. Finally, with less than a minute and a half left of the song, she allows herself to lock eyes with Jake as she slowly makes her way towards him. She lip syncs with the song perfectly, letting herself take on a softer persona as the bridge shifts the vibe of the song.

“Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes.

You say sorry just for show.,

If you live like that, you live with ghosts.”

She brings her hand up to slightly brush his hair back, her hand trailing down the side of his face and jaw, pushing it up slightly to bring his face closer to her own, ghosting her lips against his. Just before they make contact, she backs away, her arm continuing down his arm and grasping the bill in his hand, taking it from his grip and taking steps back, away from him as she grins. She keeps her eyes on him as she backpedals through the crowd towards the stage.

“Band-Aids don’t fix bullet holes.

You say sorry just for show.

If you live like that, you live with ghosts.”

She turns away from Jake, her face obscured from him as she sings the end of the bridge, taking a running start towards the stage.

“If you love like that, blood runs cold.”

Right as it ends, when she’s about to run into the end of the short stage, she jumps, flipping in midair as she lands a perfect aerial, landing and dropping to her knees as the beat drops, throwing her tips in the air for further effect. She lets them rain down on her as the crowd erupts, losing their minds at the move she pulled off. She finishes the song with every bit of energy she had started with, gratefully accepting the thunderous applause and cheers from the crowd. Her eyes search through the throngs of people, looking for one specific man. She finds him, eyes locking with Jakes as he stands applauding her, a massive grin on his face as he lets out various whoops. He whistles loud once more, spurred on by the eye contact with Sirena.

Feeling a tap on her arm, Sirena looks over to see Sparrow holding the mic out for her expectantly, snapping her attention back to the show from where it had strayed to nothing but thoughts of Jake. She turns the mic on, checking it before starting her thanks and next introduction. “Oh lord, thank y’all so much. That shit just busted my knees but I had a fun time doin’ it and I hope y’all enjoyed watchin’!”

The crowd grows impossibly louder, showing their support for Sirena as they take their seats. “Now, y’all gotta give me a minute to catch my breath but, in the meantime, we got a whole crew of performers lined up for y’all tonight!” She introduces the next performer of the night, her sibling, Sparrow. After his performance, she comes back on stage, introducing the next, continuing this pattern as the night goes on. Jake thinks he recognizes a few names, Shimmer and Faebelle being two of them, but is lost after that point as Sirena introduces drag queens and kings he had never met in person yet.

After the last performer, she resumes her place on stage, waiting for the cheers to die out before she starts. “Now, I know y’all are havin’ the time of your fuckin’ lives out there, and we’re doin’ the same up here; but, unfortunately, this night has to come to an end at some point. It’s only fittin’ that our two opening performers close the night as well so, it is my pleasure to reintroduce you to our last performers of the night, starting with Callie Bungah!”

The crowd cheers once more as Sirena steps off the stage and is replaced by Sam, now bathed in a soft blue light. Danny sucks a sharp breath in as he takes in his outfit change. With his brunette space buns replaced by two blond braids, his tight black tank top now a loose, soft maroon one, light blue overalls overtop it, with maroon converse replacing his short heels. Danny almost laughs as he realizes Sam looked like half “country girls” he saw around town. Sam searches through the crowd for Danny as the song begins, finding him just in time and raising his arm to point at the other man.

“You think I’m pretty without any makeup on.

You think I’m funny when I tell the punch line wrong.

I know you get me, so I let my walls come down, down.

Before you met me,

I was alright, but things were kinda heavy.

You brought me to life, now every February,

You’ll be my Valentine, Valentine.”

Sam grins at Danny as he begins making his way towards him as Danny wears a matching smile on his face, captivated by Sam and heart fluttering at his song choice. Sam ignores the other patrons waving bills in the air, his focus intent on getting to Danny. He once again places himself between Danny’s legs, his hands finding his forearms as he lip-syncs through his smile.

“My heart stops

When you look at me, just one touch,

Now, baby I believe this is real.

So take a chance and don’t ever look back, don’t ever look back.”

He places a quick kiss to Dannys lips, leaving behind a dark maroon stain before he grabs the tip in Danny’s hand and turning away to interact with the rest of the crowd. Danny’s heart flutters with pure love for Sam as he watches the rest of the performance, replaying their interaction in his mind even as the song ends and Sam reaches the stage, fists full of tips. The lights cut out as the song ends, returning to their dim white setting as Sam stands on stage, waving and blowing kisses to the crowd before exiting and disappearing behind the stage door.

Sirena takes center stage again, applauding Sam before bringing the mic to her lips. “Thank you, Callie! She disappeared backstage real fast, but imma assume that number was less sweat inducing than her last one.” The crowd laughs with her, whooping and cheering their support, and she gives them a moment to quiet before she continues. “Now, last but certainly not least, I give you Elle Fernanda!”

She steps off the stage, her place taken by Josh. Austin takes the sight in, thinking to himself that his new outfit was so fitting for him. His tank top is the same, the fishnet shirt gone and his hair now bright pink coils past his shoulders, a leather chocker adorned with a metal heart at its center, with his red contacts replaced by purple ones, his short leather skirt replaced by an ankle-length deep purple one, and lastly, his tall stilettos gone as he stood barefoot.

“Happiness hit her like a train on a track.

Coming towards her, stuck still no turning back.”

No one notices the tambourine in his hand until he raises it, hitting it perfectly with each beat, encouraging the crowd to clap along with him. He smiles wide when they do, stepping off the stage and beginning to weave through the crowd, grabbing tips with his free hand as he taps the tambourine against his hip. He manages to make his way through the crowd without dropping any tips, tambourine still hitting his hip as he spins and twirls along. He finds his way to Austin, stopping in front of him as he pauses the steady beat of his tambourine when the song reaches its bridge.

“And I never wanted anything from you.

Except everything you had and what was left after that too, oh.”

He resumes the movements of his tambourine as he gently grabs the money from Austin's hand, backing away from him as he moves through the crowd once more. He finishes the song with as much energy as he had in the beginning. He bows as the crowd cheers for him and is joined by Sirena on stage as the crowd continues their applause.

“Once again, Elle, thank you for that incredible performance.”

Josh smiles at her, offering one last wave to the crowd before he exits and goes through the stage door Sam had disappeared behind.

“Thank you all for comin’ out to support us! Hope to see y’all soon!” Sirena offers as a final parting comment, before following suit after Josh and disappearing backstage as the main lights come back on. Jake, Austin, and Danny make no move to get up, taking the final sips of their drinks as they wait for the crowd to disperse.

Jake checks his phone as a message from Sebastian lights his screen up, placing it in his pocket after responding before he recites the message to the other boys. “Seb says to just wait out here, they’ll all be out in a minute.”

“Do they need our help? With all the bags and all.” Danny questions.

“Na, Seb says they can make it from the room to here with the three of them.”

They sit in comfortable silence for a few moments before Jake breaks it with a question.

“So, how do you guys feel?”

Both Danny and Austin let out a breath, sighing as they recount their thoughts and feelings from witnessing their boyfriends in drag for the first time.

“Fuckin’ amazing. Josh was, wow. And that second outfit was just so… so him, y’know?”

Jake smiles, agreeing with his statement with a slight nod. “I know, he looked so happy and at-home up there, like he was born to perform.”

“What about you, Dan?”

Danny runs his hand through his hair before speaking. “Honestly? I’m not even mad that Sam chose “Girls” just to fuck with me. That was… fucking incredible. They both were.”

They sit together, making light conversation as they wait for the other three boys to finish changing. After about 20 minutes, they appear out of the stage door, visibly exhausted and arms full of their belongings. Their boyfriends immediately shoot out of their seats, quickly making their way over to the group to take most of their bags.

“You guys were fantastic tonight!” Jake says as he takes a duffel bag on each shoulder, another in his hand.

Sebastian offers a tired smile, “Thanks, mon beau.”

“Yeah, thanks mon beau.” Sam mumbles with a sleepy shit-eating grin as he leans on Danny, who presses a soft kiss to his forehead with a light laugh.

“Shut up, Sam.”

“Both of you, shhhhhhhh.” Josh says, pausing in his attempt at handing his bags over to Austin to raise a finger to his lips, eyes half open as he glares at them.

“Y’all tired?” Austin questions, already knowing the answer as Josh rests his head on his shoulder.

He mumbles a “Mhmm.” into Austins shirt, grimacing as he remembers that Sam and Danny had carpooled with them. “Ugh, and we still gotta take Danny and Sam home, don’t we?”

“They could just crash in our guest room, I don’t know about Austin, but Seb was planning on staying over tonight anyways.” Jake offers as they slowly make their way towards the exit.

Sam’s face lights up at the comment, as much as it could in his tired state. “Sleepoverrrr?”

Danny laughs at his tone of genuine excitement, wrapping an arm around Sams waist to steer him out the door. “Sounds good to me.”

The group reaches Austins truck first, saying their temporary goodbyes to Jake and Sebastian as they head towards Jakes car parked down the street. With Josh slumped against the window in the passenger seat and Sam leaning on Danny in the back, the ride to Jake and Josh’s house is peaceful and quiet. They reach their house before Sebastian and Jake do, Danny and Austin having to encourage the brothers out of the car and finally managing to get them to shuffle their way to the front door as Austin and Danny grab their bags.

Josh pulls his keys out, struggling with the lock before Austin gently takes them from his hands.

“Here, darlin’, let me.”

As he unlocks the door, the group is flooded with headlights as Jake and Sebastian pull into the driveway, causing Sam and Josh to bring their hands up to block their eyes as they squint at the harsh light. Sebastian stumbles out of the car with a little more grace than the other two boys had, taking a few of his bags as Jake handles the rest of them. They enter the house, all dropping their bags at the door and agreeing that it would be their problem in the morning to sort them all out.

Danny taps Sam as he leans against the wall, already falling asleep as he waited for his boyfriend. “Alright, Sammy, time for bed.”

He makes a pouty face at this, attempting to argue through his obvious exhaustion. “Nooo, mnot tired.”

Josh comes to his aid as Austin begins pulling him towards his room. “Me neither.”

Jake scoffs at his brothers, already falling asleep despite having been home for less than a minute. Austin and Danny only shake their heads, sharing a small smile at the well-known stubbornness of the Kiszka brothers.

Josh leans against Austins front, looking up and batting his eyes at his boyfriend. “Can we watch a movie? Pleaseee.”

“Yeah, I wanna watch a movie.” Sam butts in, trying his best to stay awake enough to argue.

Danny sighs, knowing it was no use trying to argue with them, even in their groggy states. “Fine. But only after we get ready for bed. You still have some makeup left on your face, love.”

Both brothers smile sleepily, making silent “Yaaaay”s at their victory.

“What movie y’all wanna watch?”

Josh immediately makes a suggestion. “Labyrinth. David Bowie’s outfit is fucking phenomenal. Have it on DVD somewhere.”

“Sounds great, darlin’.” The group begins to break off in pairs, each going towards a separate room to finish taking their still-stuck makeup and wig glue off. Austin directs his attention towards Jake and Sebastian, already halfway into Jake’s room. “Y’all joinin’ us?”

Sebastian looks at Jake, shrugging before answering. “Why not.”

With that final confirmation, they break off to get ready before piling onto Jake and Josh’s couches for an impromptu movie night.

Danny helps Sam remove his smudged eyeliner in silence, humming quietly as he goes along.

“Watcha hummin, Daniel?”

His response is quiet as he begins his work on Sams other eye. “Woyaya.”

“Isn’t that that one song Josh loves?”

“Mhm, stuck in my head for some reason.”

They continue in comfortable silence and it isn’t until Danny helps Sam into a pair of sweatpants and an old band tshirt he had left at their house long ago that Sam finally speaks up again.

“Did you like the show tonight?”

Danny gently grabs his shoulders, turning the other boy before starting to work on his unruly waves, brushing the tangles out with his fingers as he begins to pull them into a neat single braid down the center of his back.

“Of course I did, love. You were amazing.”

He smiles at this, thinking for a minute before continuing. “You’re not pissed I did “Girls” just to fuck with you?”

Danny laughs, pressing a small kiss to the back of his head before wrapping his hands around his chest and pulling him close against him. “I wouldn’t say I was pissed at your song choice, but I was definitely surprised, sweetheart. But no, you were fantastic, so that made up for it. You little shit.”

Sam laughs quietly, his exhaustion muffling his words. “Mmmm you don’t mean that.”

Danny offers him a light squeeze as he nuzzles his face into the other boys neck. “I don’t.” Danny places a soft kiss to the side of his head before breaking their embrace, taking Sams hand in his own as he leads him out of the room. “C’mon, no falling asleep on me. Movie, remember?”

Sam only offers a small “Mhm.” as they make their way towards the living room, already finding Labyrinth queued up by Jake who now sat leaning against the corner of the couch with Sebastian tucked snug under his arm. Danny takes a seat on one of the small, two person loveseats next to the main couch, with Sam flopping down, half laying on Danny as he gets comfortable.

It’s not long before Austin and Josh stumble out, taking the other loveseat on the opposite side of the couch as Jake makes a move for the remote.

“See Jakey, I told you it wasn’t “too much” seating.” Josh mumbles out, referencing the argument they had had when they first bought the house on if two loveseats and a couch was overkill.

“Shut up and watch the movie.” Is all he gets in response as everyone settles in and the opening credits roll.

They are silent for the rest of the film, with Josh and Sam falling asleep against their partners not even 15 minutes into the movie, Sebastian following suit soon after. The three boys that remained awake share various chuckles and head shakes of “I told you so”, knowing they would all give them lighthearted shit about it in the morning.

They all fall into a deep, comfortable sleep by the end of the movie, peacefully tucked against the safety of their partners as the end credits roll.

--------------------------------------------------------

Songs mentioned:

Girls- The Dare

Bad Blood- Taylor Swift ft. Kendrick Lamar

Teenage Dream- Katy Perry

Dog Days Are Over- Florence + the Machine

Woyaya- Osibisa

[mieux-de-se-taire]

Danger Days - Part 2

Save Yourself - one of my favorites from Danger Days, definitely my favorite Danger Days intro, that simple opening melody is just so perfect, and then the lyrics, god the lyrics, every single line fucks so hard, and they’re arguably some of the best Gerard ever wrote, this song is just everything distilled: the anger and resentment while still being catchy and fun, the raw cynicism paired with the will and determination to live and care for others, the martyr complex in full force with contemplations on legacy and immortality, the song is just screaming “I’ll die for you! I’ll die for you!”, as a fuck you to the media and those who commodified their suffering and the suffering of their fans, and as a promise to their fans, I’ll protect you, I’ll die for you, I’ll die for you, and isn’t that the message underlying all of Danger Days and Conventional Weapons, christ, and then how legacy is tied into it: “We’re never leaving this place alive / But if we sing these words we’ll never die”, “We can live forever if you’ve got the time”,  “This ain’t about all the friends you’ve made / but the graffiti they write on your grave”, when making and joining a band saved your life but then spiraled out of control and fame threatened to tear you apart again but the very thing that’s killing you is also your legacy and the reason you will never die because you will always be remembered and hated and loved, and what kills you keeps you alive, the poison is the cure, oh my god, I don’t know if any of this is coherent, I love this song so fucking much 

Scarecrow - on the surface one of the happier songs MCR ever wrote, but stupidly devastating when you really listen to the lyrics and learn about the context and deeper meaning, still such a bright, summery, comforting song, one of the most important Danger Days songs I would argue, especially the lyric “Love won’t stop this bomb” (3:07), which is one of the central themes on this record, and as a follow up to save yourself, the repetition of the idea that the end is inevitable and they’re going to die, but instead of anger, scarecrow is more about comfort, it feels like a love letter to their fans, the band still acting as martyrs but focusing more on the listener: “He burns my skin / Never mind about the shape I’m in / I’ll keep you safe tonight”, and knowing that love won’t change anything, but caring anyway, man, maybe Geoff Rickly is right

Summertime - a great transition from Scarecrow by keeping the cheerier sound but actually making it joyful through some truly tender and sweet lyrics, it’s so sappy, almost excessively so, but there’s something so pure and genuine about it, which I think is one of Gerard’s greatest strengths as a writer and a singer, to be able to write very simple lines that would otherwise sound cheesy and phony (think Famous Last Words “I am not afraid to keep on living / I am not afraid to walk this world alone”) but delivering them in way that feels so honest and resolute and making you believe everything they say, it’s also interesting how unabashedly positive it is considering the darkness and anger or bittersweet melancholy that seems to accompany joy everywhere else on this album, Summertime becomes a breath of fresh air

Destroya - completely unironically my favorite Danger Days song, actually the first I heard other than Na Na Na, it fucks so hard, I always have to sing along with the chorus, it’s just so infectious, and the drums, man, it’s one of the most aggressive and powerful sounding songs on the album, and there’s something hypnotically and subversively menacing about it, especially how it was performed live in 2022 with Gerard growling and screaming with demonic vocal distortion, it sounds like a kind of battle cry, which is part of why the extended moaning sections are such a bold and unique choice, but it works in a weird way, at least once you know to expect it (and it’s not live and Frank isn’t genuinely whimpered and groaning on stage sir this is an all ages show), it’s just so angry and weird and fucked up and incredible, and it has some of my all time favorite Danger Days lyrics like “If what you are / is just what you own / What have you become / when they take from you / almost everything?”, which is a brilliant line that ties into the themes of criticizing commodification and consumerism found on Conventional Weapons and Danger Days, also “You don’t believe in God / I don’t believe in luck / They don’t believe in us / But I believe we’re the enemy” is such a raw line, god it’s such a great song, fuck anyone who just reduces it to just the “horny” song 

Kids from Yesterday - probably of one the best songs on the album, especially how they performed it live in 2022 and 2023 with the extended outro (Ray Toro what the fuck is wrong with you this is devastating), it’s so bittersweet and nostalgic and just brimming with love, they always describe it as a song for themselves and you can really hear and see the joy and love among them when they perform it, while other songs feel like promises to the audience, Kids feels like a promise to each other, “I love you. I love you. I will always love you”, it’s so fucked up, “I’ll find you when the sun goes black”, unforgiveable, and it’s also interesting how they revisit legacy as a theme (”You only live forever in the lights you make” is one of my favorite lines in the entire album) and discuss many of the same struggles of fame as other songs, but do so in a far less angry way, it puts less focus on the band as a single entity to be exploited, revered, and hated and more focus on the individuals and how their legacy relates to them as people and their connections with one another, god, it’s just such a stunning song, wish I could listen to it more but I literally can’t handle it

Goodnite, Dr. Death - I really like the radio transmission at the beginning, but I usually skip this one because I don’t feel the need to listen to the American national anthem on the regular, especially not with the very painful (cool sounding, but painful) jumpscare at the end, that being said, it might be favorite of Dr. Death Defying’s interludes, because it’s much calmer and more muted, almost soothing, but disturbing at the same time with how casually death is warned against in an address to children, really adds to the world building, and “Even if you’re dusted, you may be gone, but out here in the desert, your shadow lives on without you” is such a cool line

Vampire Money - so fucking funny, I don’t even know what to say, the iconic roll call intro and countdown followed immediately by the deeply poetic line “We came to fuck”, the fact that it was changed to “We came to suck” in the clean version, the fact that Frank says “Oh I’m there baby” sounding like he’s talking about sex rather than playing music, which he has never once (at least to my knowledge) properly said live and even refuses to acknowledge, the way the whole song is making fun of how people latched onto and then commodified their vampire symbolism and aesthetic early on, and specifically being asked to write a song for the twilight movies, god, I love how they’re so aware of and continuously willing to poke fun at how they’ve been portrayed and perceived over the years, and I also love how malleable this song is live, changing lyrics in little ways every time they perform it, another great example of Danger Days songs being best live

[dresdendahl]

*   .   ‘    𝖓𝖎𝖈𝖔𝖑𝖊 𝖉𝖔𝖑𝖑𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖆𝖓𝖌𝖊𝖗. ♱ ( pt. 1 )  ––––-    𝖘𝖊𝖓𝖙𝖆𝖓𝖈𝖊 𝖒𝖊𝖒𝖊.   ’

the early albums & eps.

you’d cut off your nose just to spite your face.

the christians screaming to us through your tv they don’t save me, they don’t save you

i wish i’d find all the lonely remnants of you that left.

lately i can’t recognize you.

then they said their blessings.

now we’re blood brothers.

i’ll use this to protect you from anyone who tries to hurt you.

i’ll take care of you forever.

my heart’s a rabid dog trying to put its teeth in you.

i will never be able to love you, i couldn’t if i tried.

you’re cold on the inside, there’s a dog in your heart and it tells you to tear everything apart.

you ruin everything you touch and destroy anyone you love.

death is pretty sweet.

i’m not scared of death because death’s all over me.

i’ve been spending my time hanging out in hospital wards.

ghosts fill my head with such rotten things.

something ugly in you you also saw in me guess we're infected with the same disease.

well i could be your girl and you could be my baby.

i have a habit of ruining everything.

we're the same, we're both rabid animals.

you're the darkest horse that i've ever seen.

he loved her in life just as much in death.

i feel like we're just like them.

i look into your eyes but i can't find a reflection.

you're the phantom pains the ache that won't go away.

never had you so how did i lose you?

we'll never be close enough to know. what a waste.

if i believe good wombs have borne bad sons then i have no qualms using my gun.

what doesn't kill me makes me wish i was dead.

if he'd lived he'd have grown to be wild

why didn't anyone tell me, love is like being fucked with a knife?

anything that is beautiful people want to break.

virgin mary, jesus christ, think i just became as religious as they come.

oh god, i can't believe i'm staring at a living angel.

who would have thought all those church signs were right?

i'm a good girl now i'm a believer.

treat me like i am your young bride.

yeah, my baby has a baby, but it’s not me.

he loves her more than he loves me.

you’re a wreck but i’m always going to want you.

careful or you’ll blow your head off, make sure the safety’s on.

he casts the kind of glow only a city knows.

streets here are cemeteries.

restlessness leads to a dangerous kind of fun.

i try to stir my conscience, it was never really there.

but i could not stand the smell of death when everything was still alive.

don't be scared, my friend death is a beginning, not an end.

[christian-perspectives]

The Love Of God

And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from the love of God. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow—not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.   Romans 8:38 God exhibits an unchangeable love toward the entire human race. Our love for Him, though, is, at best, very inconsistent. Regardless, our actions will do nothing to stop God from loving us. Think about it: God loves us no matter what we do or say! When we do those stupid things, God loves us! If we mess up and do something we're not supposed to do, God still loves us! Can anything ever separate us from Christ's love? Does it mean he no longer loves us if we have trouble or calamity, or are persecuted, or hungry, or destitute, or in danger, or threatened with death?  Romans 8:35 After Paul asked if anything can separate us from the love of God, he answered in the negative. In other words, just because things happen to us doesn't mean God stops loving us. He said; No, despite all these things, overwhelming victory is ours through Christ, who loved us. Romans 8:37 Convinced, Paul said nothing can stop God from loving us. The word "nothing" means "not anything." A second part of its definition means "leaves nothing to the imagination." This should keep us from entertaining thoughts like, "What if God doesn't love me?" When talking with Nicodemus, Jesus spelled out the magnitude of the love God has for us. For this is how God loved the world: He gave his one and only Son, so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Nothing Can Separate the Love of God From Us

When Paul wrote, "Nothing can ever separate us from God's love," he didn't write it as a promise. But we can accept it as one of the best promises in the scriptures. Some people use this verse to support the doctrine that I can't lose my salvation once saved. This verse talks about the love God has for every human ever born, whether godly or ungodly. Before salvation, we had nothing to offer to God at all. In chapter 7 of Romans, Paul addressed how we, wretched sinners, became children of God. But first, he asked, Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? Romans 7:22 Remember the aged old question, what came first, the chicken or the egg? Probably the chicken, but who cares? How about this question, though: what came first, God's love or salvation? Definitely the love of God. In fact, Paul gave us a distinct answer about who frees us from our domination of sin. Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. Romans 7:25 So it doesn't matter who you are or how much sin you have committed. You can turn to God, through the love Jesus exhibited for you on the cross. He did it for everyone, which includes you. Jew and Gentile are the same in this respect. They have the same Lord, who gives generously to all who call on him. For "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved." Romans 10:12-13 Let's look at the other side of that coin. We have established that the love of God is great and unending. But if you reject His Son Jesus, then because of His justice, He has to send you to hell.

Can Satan Overpower the Love of God?

No power in the sky above or in the earth below—indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in Christ Jesus our Lord. Romans 8:39 Ok, the power of Satan cannot remove us from the love God has for us. I believe that, and hopefully, you do too. But with that in mind, why does Satan continue to tempt and deceive us? Stay alert! Watch out for your great enemy, the devil. He prowls around like a roaring lion, looking for someone to devour. 1 Peter 5:8 I'll tell you why he continually tries to devour Christians. Because he doesn't want anyone to spend eternity with the Lord. He will do what he can to entice us into our old ways of life. Temptation comes from our own desires, which entice us and drag us away. These desires give birth to sinful actions. And when sin is allowed to grow, it gives birth to death. James 1:14-15 James, the church leader in Jerusalem, wrote his epistle to Christians. Take a closer look at verse 15. Even though God has a great love for you, sin always grows into death. So, what separates us from the love of God? Absolutely nothing! What can cause our separation from God, who dearly loves us? By turning our backs on Him by allowing sin to grow in us. When Paul wrote to the Galatian church, he pointed out what sin looks like. He didn't make it an exhaustive list because he added the phrase "and other sins like these."

The Desires of Your Sinful Nature

When you follow the desires of your sinful nature, the results are very clear: sexual immorality, impurity, lustful pleasures, idolatry, sorcery, hostility, quarreling, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, division, envy, drunkenness, wild parties, and other sins like these. Let me tell you again, as I have before, that anyone living that sort of life will not inherit the Kingdom of God. Galatians 5:19-21 This devotion is about the love of God and not about sin. But, sometimes, we get confused because we think His love will overlook our sinfulness. In reality, God loves us no matter what. But He will only pardon our sins when we repent of them in the name of Jesus. God will forgive us and teach us through His Word to help us sin no more. Lord, thank you for loving us. And God, thanks for giving us an opportunity to respond to your love through the cleansing blood of Jesus. Check out these related posts about love. - How Have You Shown Your Love To God? - What God Has Prepared For Those Who Love Him - The Commandment To Love Is Nothing New Read the full article

[hismercytomyjustice]

Jesus Christ writing dance scenes is fucking HARD. I’m pretty happy with how they’re turning out but SWEET WOUNDED JESUS I am not a dancer and I know fuck all about it.

…god the amount of fucking research I have yet again done for a crack fic…

I say this like I should even be remotely surprised at this point. That train left the fucking station so fast it’s like it was never even in it.

Fucking hours and hours and hours of research.

And the worst part? I HAVE LOVED EVERY SINGLE SECOND OF IT.

One of the things I love most about researching (aside from having an excuse to seek out and hoard absolutely fucking pointless information) is that it always gives me so many fucking ideas that I then get to try to weave in.

I will be SO SAD when the research for this fic comes to an end. It has been SUCH A JOY.

That is until I fucking start on the even crack-ier part three.

Because I’ve already decided I’m writing more shit that is WILDLY self-indulgent and ~nobody~ can fucking stop me!!!! Write the stupid crack you wanna see in the world amirite?

Fuck I have the absolute STUPIDEST idea for a plot and scene for part three and that alone is driving me to keep going. I just need to finish part two so I can be FREE. I am SO CLOSE to being finished. I really hope I finally finish it tomorrow.

Honestly idk what people are gonna think of it. It’s my first attempt at writing from Alastor’s POV and I’m also doing some shit I’ve never done before that idk how people will respond to it. BUT NOTHING VENTURED NOTHING GAINED. And I’m so proud of it and tbh that’s all that really matters, isn’t it?

…I still also gotta finish writing my BG3 fic to…BUT I have a few weeks of buffer on that so…. I’m feeling the urge to throw some more words down on it too, so hopefully I’ll be able to wrap it up soon. It is so fucking close to being done. Maybe another 15k-20k words. I can knock that out pretty quick if I get in the zone. And I already have it planned out. Jesus Christ is it gonna wind up being 100k??? SOMEONE SAVE ME FROM MYSELF.

Fucking hell it has hit 90 subs tho and that is such a wild fucking number and it just blows me the fuck away. Like 90 people like this fic enough to want updates as it comes out?! FUCKING FOR REAL?! There are N I N E T Y people out there who were like “ooh yeah I wanna keep reading this” and it’s something I wrote (?!) and if I think about it too much I get a little panicky but I am also so fucking grateful and humbled that my silly story has pulled in so many people and I feel so fucking #blessed about it all.

(ಥ﹏ಥ) I keep half expecting to check my stats and see everyone has come to their senses and unsubscribed, but it hasn’t happened yet and the number keeps going up and omg omg omg!!! It is UNREAL and SO FUCKING AMAZING!

God I still cannot believe how much fucking fun I’m having writing again after becoming pretty much convinced I might never be able to feel that way again. I was so scared that spark in me had finally fucking died or something and I was so depressed about it. BUT IT DIDN’T! It feels like a fucking dream. I love it so much. I have wanted to feel this way again about writing for so fucking long and it’s finally back and I’m terrified I’ll lose the excitement again but I’m really hoping I can stave off my OCD and keep going. I really don’t want to lose it again. I just want to keep writing and enjoying it whether it’s fanfic or original stuff or otherwise.

GOD I FUCKING MISSED WRITING SO FUCKING MUCH.

I know I am being WILDLY fucking obnoxious and annoying about it and my OCD keeps telling me to SHUT THE FUCK UP about it because I am probably driving people nuts, making everyone on the face of the planet hate me, etc etc etc. But that’s why I gush so much on here about it because I figure no one has to fucking read this shit unless they for some unknown reason actually would want to and people can mute and unfollow and block me if they are at their wits end but I hope putting most of my unhinged ramblings under cuts makes it so I’m only like 50% ridiculously obnoxious instead of 100% but who fucking knows. I would not blame a soul for getting sick of seeing my username popping up on their dash when I am in a hardcore rambling or reblogging mood.

I am just so fucking incandescently happy about it all and I am trying SO HARD not to drive the people in my life insane by talking about how excited I am to be writing again nonstop so I’m just talking to myself nonstop on here instead and just letting myself fucking enjoy the process and the excitement I have around it all. And god I KNOW I AM BEING SO FUCKING OBNOXIOUS despite everything but my therapist has also been encouraging me to just feel my feelings without judgment so… FEELINGS. They are being felt! Hopefully only 50% obnoxiously for any innocent bystanders.

Idk why it is so much easier to journal regularly on tumblr than on Penzu or elsewhere but it is and it’s working for me and if it makes everyone on the face of the planet block my annoying ass, so be it. I already spend too much of my fucking life second guessing every single thing I say or do and I’m gonna take my cringe wins where I fucking can. And I feel less self-conscious and annoying yelling into the void of tumblr, SO HERE WE ARE.

Fffffuck you OCD! (ง •̀_•́)ง I will also take my little mental illness wins where I fucking can, goddammit!!! And idk why venting about it on tumblr helps so much but it fucking does so. VENT I SHALL.

[buggie-hagen]

Sermon for Reformation Sunday (10/29/23)

Primary Text | John 8:31-36

---------------------------------------

Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

          Though we are celebrating today as Reformation Sunday, Reformation Day proper is the same date much more known for Halloween. For Lutherans, October 31st is a particularly special day because it remembers Martin Luther’s nailing of the 95 Theses. (The date traditionally said to have sparked the Reformation in the year 1517.) A lot of time has passed since then. It’s been 506 years. Some say the issues that mattered then do not matter now. We’ve progressed. The world is constantly getting better. There’s more important things that we should turn our attention to. Things so central and defining in ages past are obsolete things today. In fact, we are more enlightened than those who came before us. I’ll say this. The 95 Theses were important then and remain important. But they themselves are symptom of the need for reform in the church around a larger matter. The central and defining matter of the Reformation was the doctrine of justification by faith. Justification by faith, and we would say justification by faith alone apart from works, is the teaching that it is God alone who justifies us, who rectifies us, who saves us. God accepts us and restores a right relationship with us not because of things we have done or not done. But because of faith. That trust that clings to God’s word alone—the word that says we are forgiven on account of Christ and his cross. Our faith is not active, it is always passive. It is God who acts upon us in the word and in the sacraments, and it is the Holy Spirit who creates, nurtures, and strengthens us in faith with those very same word and sacraments (and I mean Baptism and the Lord’s Supper). When it comes to matters of our salvation we have the great comfort that God has done everything in Jesus Christ to bring us to himself—and in him we are never rejected. Dear people, we must never give up or even assume the central matter of the Reformation. In every age we have always needed the same thing. The same gospel. Namely, justification by faith alone apart from works of the law. Justification by faith alone is the beating heart of our Christian religion. This is the only thing that brings about freedom—freedom in the same sense Jesus meant when he said to the Jews who had believed in him “If you remain in my word, you are truly my disciples; you will know the truth, and the truth will make you free” (Jn 8:31-32). To insist on justification by faith is to insist on what constitutes true freedom.

We are heirs of the Reformation…and particularly, the Lutheran Reformation of Martin Luther. It’s in our name, Mount Horeb* Lutheran Church. Clearly, our spiritual ancestors considered this particular heritage of great significance. Why do we still care that this little name Lutheran sticks to our shoes like gum? Why not be United Church of Christ? Or Episcopal? Or Pentecostal? Why not be Mount Horeb Baptist Church instead of Mount Horeb Lutheran Church? Or why not scrap Christ altogether and become pagan or some other religion? Of course, we love all these people and will do anything for them. But we are Lutheran on purpose. We are not Lutheran by accident or by habit. I know I myself am a Lutheran pastor and not another kind of pastor because I believe we have in our heritage the most radical articulation of the gospel—that gospel—the thing that gives true freedom—the proclamation of the complete and full forgiveness of sins through faith in Jesus Christ apart from all works. God in Jesus Christ has done all the verbs to set you free and to keep you free forever. We simply get to marvel at all that God has done.

          As Jesus spoke to the Jews who had believed in him and had told them the truth will make them free—they bristled. They didn’t like what Jesus was implying—that they were somehow not free. They said, “What do you mean ‘you will be made free’? (Jn 8:33). These words of theirs are recorded in Holy Writ for a purpose. These words do not belong alone to these particular Jews Jesus was speaking with. They are also our words to Jesus, “What do you mean ‘you will be made free’?” This offends our 21st century sensibilities just as much as it did for the people in Jesus’ time 2,000 years ago just as it offended the sensibilities of people 500 years ago in the Reformation. To this day, we assume at least in some measure that we are the captain of our own ship, and that we ought to be the captain of our own ship. For Jesus to say that you and I are not free in ourselves means there’s something fundamentally wrong with this assumption. That there’s Someone Else who must steer the boat we’re on—and this is simply infuriating. Jesus will not let up on this matter. Just as we look over the fence at the lion or bear in the zoo, he knows we are not truly free as much as we might think we are. We are, in fact, the human condition is inextricably bound. We are not capable of disentangling this knot. And oh what a web we weave when we think otherwise. What knot are we in? Jesus’ answer to the Jews and to us is this: “Very truly, I tell you, everyone who commits sin is a slave to sin” (Jn. 8:34). That we are slaves to sin is the human condition as we have inherited it. A critique of the Reformation that some have today is that people do not carry guilty consciences around like they did in the time of Luther. But I think anyone who has a conscience would say otherwise. But to be a slave to sin isn’t simply about having a guilty conscience. Sin may lead to a guilty conscience. Sin is a deeper thing. If it weren’t Jesus wouldn’t have used such strong words as to say anyone who sins is a slave to sin. Sin denies us the power to fear and trust God. It includes such maladies as “ignorance of God, contempt for God, the absence of fear of and trust in God, and the inability to love God” among other things (Ap. 2:14). To be a slave to sin means that you and I are bound. We are fallen and cannot get up.

          Religions and most Christian sects make a false assumption here. And really, this could also be applied to all political persuasions—right and left. The false assumption that we are currently free and need to be bound. That is why so much focus is put on human behavior—“Do not handle, Do not taste, Do not touch” (Col. 2:21). You must do this! You must not do that! The truth Jesus is getting at, the truth that sets free, is this: unless and until we encounter God in his word we are not free, but bound. The whole point of Christian religion, and the radical witness of the Lutheran faith—is to insist on unbinding people—that justification by faith apart from works of the law. Justification by faith relieves not just the guilty conscience (although it does do that), but also unbinds us from sin itself with the absolution of Christ. Not just to insist on this but to give it freely. We use the gifts God has provided to set people free. When God acts in the world, when God brings about the kingdom on earth as in heaven—he is setting people free—so that they are no longer bound to sin. He does this by what we have come to know as the word. Jesus says, “If the Son makes you free, you will be free indeed” (Jn 8:36). We learn that if we wish to be free it will not be by looking inside ourselves. We must be set free by Someone Else—the Lord. Who we encounter by way of another person. Justification by faith apart from the works of the law remains central for anyone who cares for a gospel and gospeling Christianity. It is this word that sets free. I give you your freedom now: You are forgiven of all your sins for the sake of Jesus Christ. Now and forever. I set you free. You are free indeed. Happy Reformation Sunday.

[dailygodlymessage]

The Truth

It is a fearful and terrifying thing to fall into the hands of the living God [incurring his judgement and wrath]

Hebrews 10:31 AMP

So I decided to write to you dear one about the coming day of the Lord. Now if you are anything remotely like me, then you have probably heard vague details about God, like the following;

Hey, cheer up, God is love

As long as there is God there is hope

If you want to go to heaven don’t do bad things or you’ll go to hell

Now while all that is good advice, it begs the question – who is God and why does he send some to hell and some to heaven?

I am here to answer these questions with the Bible, but first do you know what the scariest verse in the bible is in my opinion? It’s the part which says, “God is Good”, why? Well I’ll  get to that in a moment but first.

Who is God?

So in the beginning God , made the heaven and the earth and in fact, God made everything that was made —

 “All things were made by him, and without him nothing was made that was made”.

John 1:3 AMP

In short, God is the divine creator, not bound by time and space (for he made those things), who has existed from eternity past and reigns forever more.

In his own image, this same God made man, and gave him dominion over the earth and over everything made in the earth. However man sinned, and through that, so did everyone else. So you and I can attest to that fact that we all sin, we blaspheme God, steal, lie and do evil every day, in fact the Bible says our hearts are deceitfully wicked and no one can understand it. Now here comes the part I alluded to earlier – remember I said scariest verse in the bible is in my opinion is the part which says, “God is Good”? Well that’s because, for our sins, we deserve the death penalty, which is eternal damnation in a horrible place called hell (which Jesus even said it would be better to escape and lose an eye or right hand, than to ever go there), and that is our destination (outside of Christ). Does hell now make sense to you? If not, read Romans 1, or the verse at the top of this writing. But God in his own divine mercy left his wonderful infinite privileges and came to the earth in the form of a servant, in the form of man, and after the same God who made the universe humbled himself the form of a  lowly man, he further humble himself to the cross of a  the cross and it is written, “cursed is he who hangs on a tree”, so by laying down his life willingly to perfectly satisfy the wrath of God, and take away the sins  of the world he b became the judge and justifier.  In the sense that he justifies those who would repent of their sins and place all their trust in him (The lord Jesus Christ), so that they pass on from death (through sins and dead works) to life. You must realize that you would be better of trying to get to heaven by climbing on a rope made of smoke from a burning building, than trying to get there by “being good”. In fact such “good” acts are actually described to be as filthy rags (I heard someone say the other day that the real translation says as filthy as a woman’s menstrual cloth), so don’t waste your time trying to work your way to heaven, because God rejects such “good” deeds. Instead repent of your sins (acknowledge your wicked ways and turn from them, plead to Christ to wash you clean from them) and place your faith in hi and his works and you have this sure promise, “You will be saved!”.

I hope this was beneficial to you, I don’t know if anyone will ever see this, but hey I’m going to keep writing these anyway if my Lord gives me the grace to. If you have repented and believed and found this helpful please send me a mail on rdjirackor@gmail.com, or send me a WhatsApp message (no calls please) on +233579315275, if not still contact me anyway (I want to know if anyone actually saw this). If you have become a partaker of Christ’s mercies, then welcome to the family of Christ and may his grace be multiplied unto you, in Jesus name.

Behold, I stand at the door and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me

Revelation 3:20 KJV  

[thewordweaver]

In the car we talk about Christ

and my immortal, damned soul,

the shadow of pines and

oaks and cedars and the occasional

road sign passing by outside

the window of this machine

that is too small—

for you,

for me,

and for the bystander

in the back saying

“If she doesn’t want to believe

she doesn’t care about

your feelings,”

like my own feelings haven’t

just been the latest victim

of the Crusades, as if

on this night,

alone in the dark cab, even

with you and the love of your life

I needed to hear that I would

not go to a promised forever

with all my Christian friends

and family, because

being a black sheep

is more important to me

than believing in a god

that inspires hate

amongst friends

and families,

who caused World Wars

and the deaths of billions

because fuck that I’m kind

that I would give my last

five dollars to a stranger

so they could buy their

cat some food,

fuck me, right? For believing

wholeheartedly that religion

isn’t what I identify as,

that I can pray and that

maybe, if a god is listening

that prayer will get answered,

and who cares that I’ve just

celebrated the greatest thing

I’ll probably ever do with

this stupid, boring life

your god gave me—

no, let’s pick this moment

to ruin a friendship of 19 years

because your higher power

has to damn someone

who saves every cat

even when she shouldn’t

who volunteered hours of time

caring for animals who

were just like me, discarded

because they weren’t good enough

friendly enough, cuddly enough

because I can’t win, and wouldn’t

want to, not when friendship

would come between

the actual love of

my best friend’s life,

not when not believing in

something is enough to make

some man who doesn’t

know me as well as you do

can say I obviously don’t

give a fuck about your feelings

like I’ve never heard that before

from my parents,

from my grandmother, who,

was once my favorite

despite all her flaws,

because to you a soul is

something that needs to be saved

to the church it’s something

that needs to be controlled

and to me? My soul was meant

to be honored, not by you

or the fancy of the time,

or the person my grandmother

wanted me to be, or the

person my parents had hoped

I’d become,

my soul was my own

for me to choose what it

believed, because there was

no god the day a man

threw me down on his bed

and told me I owed him

my virginity

and there was no god

as I watched not one, but two

grandmothers wither until

they were nothing but

memory and dust

and who do I pray to when

the only thing that gave me

purpose was stripped from me

and tossed aside—

because I was opinionated

and not afraid to talk about

my mental health, and would

never conform to the quiet

country life of a

beautiful autumn trauma,

because I refuse to accept

that people do bad things

and still make it to good

places, just because they

read a book and repented—

we both read the same book,

but my repentance is nothing

but relentless wandering

to distance myself from people

who think to themselves

that I could spend an eternity

in a hell, as punishment

for being a good person but

being godless all the same,

and that devastated me.

Being told to just get along for

the sake of getting along

with someone I was never once

mean to, someone who saw

someone in me I wasn’t

and chose to not like me for

the person I am,

and knowing that almost

two decades of something

I wholeheartedly cherished

just slipped through my

fingers as the the cool

spring night settled around me

the moment I jumped

from that prison of a car—

my life has been one giant

suffocation, and I’m starting

to think I will never catch

my breath—

Just recently someone

asked me,

“Don’t you want to watch

the sunrise one more time?”

As if they could know

how intimate a memory

every sunrise I’ve seen is,

as if I have never looked at

the birth of a new day and

wondered—

I am just a human, holding

a shovel, and digging my

own grave, and I don’t

need to be saved by

a mystical, mythical grace

to be who I was born to be

and I don’t need acceptance

to still be kind

[chinahatbeach]

Thoughts for Today

Friday….. Aloha Friday. The sun is up and it’s not raining. Yesterday was a miserable day with rain. When I got home last evening from work, my neighbor needed to talk to me and I just stood in the rain. I came to a point yesterday where I just didn’t care if I got wet or not. I’m fed up with this spring weather! And now the weather people say we could actually get 70 degree weather next week. Will this happen? I’ll wait and see.

Today, I do not have a topic but I have something I would like you to read. I hope you enjoy this……..

The story is told of a young boy who carved a sailboat from a block of wood. When the boat was finished, the boy raced to a nearby stream, gently slid the boat into the water, and let it go. The boy watched his precious boat gather speed as it floated away. He didn’t realize there was an undercurrent in the stream until the boat was swept away beyond his reach. The little boy frantically searched until there was no light but couldn’t find his boat. With a heavy heart, the young boy headed home.

Several days later, the little boy was walking down the main street of his small town, when he saw a wooden boat in the toy store window. It was his boat! The boy raced inside and came face-to-face with the store owner. “Mister, that’s my boat!” he cried. The owner frowned in disbelief and said, “Young man, I just bought that boat. If you want it, you’ll have to buy it from me!” 

Near tears, the little boy ran home, emptied his piggy bank, and ran back to the store, his savings clutched tightly in his hands. He dumped all of his money on the counter and asked, “Is it enough?” The owner smiled and handed him the boat. The little boy cradled the precious boat in his arms and said, “Little boat, you are twice mine. Once because I made you and once because I bought you.”

God loves you. He created you. The words of Psalm 139 beautifully express the heart of God toward each one of us: 

“For You created my inmost being. You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Your works are wonderful. I know that full well” (Psalm 139:13-16 NIV).

A healthy self-image is not one of pride or arrogance, but one that coincides with God’s viewpoint. It is learning to accept God’s evaluation of who we are, learning to see ourselves as God sees us, no more and no less, learning who we are in His eyes, and giving Him permission to make us what He designed us to be. 

In His eyes, every person is valuable. We are all sinful and broken, wounded and sick, and He loves us still. Jesus is drawn toward brokenness. Broken people are why He came. 

God loves you. He paid for your sin. God defined His relentless love for you and for me when He sent His only Son, Jesus Christ, to earth as a baby. The love of God for us compelled Jesus Christ to willingly exchange a throne for a manger, divinity for humanity, and Heaven for Earth.  

“For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life” (John 3:16 NIV).

God’s love changes everything and everyone who receives it. God’s love protects and breathes life and purpose into every minute of every day. 

I know many of you are experiencing those fires of life this year. No job and no prospect of one. Someone you love is very ill or maybe you are the one battling to survive each day. A rebellious child has broken your heart. A secret addiction is slowly destroying your life. Your spouse packed his bags and walked out the front door because he no longer wants to be married. 

Do not believe the lies of the enemy when he tells you that your God has forsaken you. God is with you – Emmanuel. He endured the cross, completely and absolutely alone, because He loves you. No one can take your place in the Father’s heart. God knows your pain and He understands. God created you and paid for your sin for one reason alone – He loves you. Not because you are so lovable, but because He is love.

May your weekend be blessed.

And that’s the way it is………

[lesfeldickbiblestudy]

  Through the Bible with Les Feldick LESSON 3 * PART 4 * BOOK 68 BUT NOW - YOU ARE MADE NIGH – PART 4 Eph. 2:13; Eph. 4:20; Phil. 2:27 Okay, it is good to see everybody in.  Once again, we’re on program number four. We’ll keep right on going, and then we can all head out to our various places.  But, before we go any further, I want to again remind folks of all the books available.  We’re finishing up book number 68 and then take note of our webpage - www.lesfeldick.org.  It is really easy to find.  For the Canadian folks out there, call our regular phone number if you can’t get through with the “800” number, 918-768-3218.  Again, we want to make mention of how we appreciate your prayers and your letters and your financial help. All right, this is a Bible study. Our primary concern is to help you study on your own.  I don’t want anyone to just sit back and hear what Les has got to say about it.  I want people to study.  And we’re getting response aren’t we, Honey?  Jim, you probably even saw a few letters that said the same thing, how that they are getting into the Word and studying it on their own. Okay, we’re going to move on to a different “But Now” or “But...whatever.”  We’re going to move on, still in Ephesians, to chapter 4, verse 20.  And again, not so much because it says “But Now” or “But God,” but it is a great turning point from what went before to what comes after. That’s what we’re trying to stress on all these series of lessons.  All right, Ephesians 4 we’ll read verse 20. Then we’ll go back and see what went before. Ephesians 4:20 “But ye have not so learned Christ;” Now, what’s he talking about?  Go back up to verse 17.  What were we before we became a believer?  What were these Ephesians before they became believers? Ephesians 4:17a “This I say therefore, and testify in the Lord, that ye henceforth…”  Paul uses that word over and over to mark a time of something stopping and something beginning.  And over and over he’ll use that.  We used it, I think, a few programs back.  Keep your hand here in Ephesians. We’ve got to go to I Timothy chapter 1, where Paul identifies himself as the beginning of the Body of Christ.  There couldn’t have been anybody before Paul, because he was the first one who was a result of the Gospel of Grace.  He makes it so plain here. I Timothy chapter 1 dropping down to verse 15, where before we even read the verse, I’ve got to define the word chief found in this verse.  It never means the worst, like most preachers make it.  It always means the head man, or the first man, or the leader, or the primary reason.  Now, I’ll give you one verse for example.  Romans 3 verses 1 and 2, where Paul asks the question: Romans 3:1-2 “What advantage then hath the Jew? or what profit is there in circumcision? (He answers in the next verse.) 2. Much every way: chiefly, because that unto them (the Nation of Israel) were committed the oracles (Word) of God.”  Now, what does that mean?  Well, the main number one reason that they were set apart, was that unto them were revealed this Book.  So, the word “chiefly” means first or primarily or whatever.   With that in mind, now look at verse 15 in I Timothy chapter 1. I Timothy 1:15 “This is a faithful saying, and worthy of all acceptation, that Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners; of whom I am chief.” He was the first, the leader, the uppermost.    Not worst.  And we’ve done this before; wherever the word “chief” is used, it never refers to someone sinful or wicked.  It always refers to someone who was number one. He gives an example back there in Acts when he was shipwrecked on Malta.  The “chief man” of the island took them in and was good to them.  Well, I asked the question then, and I’ll say it again, was he the worst on the island?  No!  He was probably the governor.  He was the head man.   So, all the way through the Scriptures that word “chief” never means worst.  It means the first, the leader, the best, and so forth.   All right, now the next verse and this is why I came here, the “hereafter.”

I Timothy 1:16a “Howbeit for this cause (because he’s the first sinner saved by grace) I obtained mercy, that in me first Jesus Christ might show forth all longsuffering, (or patience) for a pattern (That’s what he is.  Paul is the pattern.) to them which should (Now here’s the word.) hereafter…”  Okay, we’ve got a point in time before which people were saved by something other than the Gospel of Grace and after when they are saved by this Gospel of Grace.  Plain as English can make it.   All right, back to Ephesians then.  So, verse 17, now, from our salvation point forward. Ephesians 4:17b “…that ye henceforth walk not as other Gentiles walk, in the vanity of their mind,” All right, now Paul is going to give us a just a brief description of the Gentile unbelieving world.  And it’s just as evident today as it was in Paul’s day.  We’re getting closer and closer to the horrible moral depravity of Paul’s day as we see the things going on in our own world today.  All right, now verse 18, this is the unbelieving world. Ephesians 4:18a “Having the understanding darkened,…”  Wow!  Do I have to go any further?   What’s this whole garbage with the DaVinci Code?  It’s just simply smattering the understanding of the masses.  A lot of this other stuff would fall into the same category. Ephesians 4:18 “Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:” Well, that’s one way Paul puts it. Let’s look at another way in II Corinthians chapter 4.  I have to look a minute.  I think it’s three and four, II Corinthians chapter 4: 3 and 4.  This is another reason why the masses do not come to salvation.  And you know I’ve said it over and over.  Why don’t they?  It’s so simple.  It’s so free.  It is so life enhancing.  But they won’t.  They refuse to.  All right, here’s the reason. II Corinthians 4: 3:4a “But if our gospel be hid, it is hid to them that are lost: 4. In whom (the lost of this world) the god of this world hath blinded the minds of them who believe not,…”  Who’s blinding them?  The god of this world.  Did you use that verse, Jim?  Jim had – can I share it?  He passed one of our books on to someone, and after they read a little bit, they said, well, they couldn’t quite agree with me about who the god of this world was.  Jim used the illustration of when Satan offered the kingdoms of this world to Christ.  Well, how could he offer the kingdoms of this world, if he wasn’t the god of this world?  Well, the individual bought that much.  But here’s another verse. It’s the god of this world.  And who is it?  It’s Satan. II Corinthians 4:4b “..hath blinded  the minds of them who believe not, lest (here it comes now) the light of the glorious gospel of Christ, who is the image of God, should shine unto them.”  But they don’t want it.  They just don’t want it.  So, we have to rely on the working of the Holy Spirit to energize them, to convict them, and to reprove them as John 16 says. But anyway, back to Ephesians chapter 4, verse 18 again.  Now, after just reading of who blinds them, verse 18 should make a little more sense. Ephesians 4:18 “Having the understanding darkened, being alienated from the life of God through the ignorance that is in them, because of the blindness of their heart:”  And who puts that blindness in there?  Satan does.  And the Holy Spirit is the only thing that can overcome it. Ephesians 4:19 “Who (the unbelieving Gentile world in particular) being past feeling have given themselves over unto lasciviousness, to work all uncleanness (Now, this is moral uncleanness.) with greediness.” But here comes the breaking point. That’s not where we are.  We have come to the verse that follows. Ephesians 4:20 “But you have not so learned Christ;” You’ve got a new beginning.  Some of you had been on that side for a long time, now you are on this side.  All right, verse 21, how do you know you’re on this side of this statement? Ephesians 4:21-22

“If so be that ye have heard him, and have been taught by him, as the truth is in Jesus: (Now, here comes what becomes part of our salvation experience.) 22. That ye put off (You lay it aside with no more desire to energize it.) concerning the former conversation (or manner of living) the old man, (That old satanic nature that is in control of the lost person.  We have put that aside.)  which is corrupt according to the deceitful lusts;” All right another verse comes to mind - II Corinthians chapter 5 again, where we’ve been before.  II Corinthians chapter 5 verse 17 - I’ve got to wait until you all find it.  Then they all get it out in television. II Corinthians 5:17 “Therefore if any man be in Christ, (I could also add, and Christ in you, as we saw in the last program.) he is a new creation: (It’s a work of God.) old things are passed away; (See what Paul just said in our Ephesians letter?  They are the things that are of the corrupt mind.) behold, all things are become (What?) new.”  It’s a different life.  Again, I wish you could read our mail.  Over and over they say that it’s just like somebody has taken a sandbag off of my back.  It’s just like a big load has been lifted.  All my guilt is gone. I’m at peace with God.  That’s what it is!  And then the world shrinks from it?  I can’t understand it, but that’s where it’s at.  It’s a new life.  “Old things are passed away, all things become new.”   All right, back to Ephesians chapter 4, verse 23. Ephesians 4:23-24 “And be renewed in the spirit of your mind; (It’s a whole changeover) 24. And that ye put on the new man, (Now, that’s a Pauline term.  You won’t find that anywhere else in Scripture that you become a new person.) which after God is created in righteousness and true holiness.” Now then, if you’ve experienced God’s true saving grace, here’s part of the change in your lifestyle. Ephesians 4:25-26 “Wherefore putting away lying, speak every man truth with his neighbor: for we are members one of another. (Now he’s speaking, of course, of fellow believers in the Ephesian church.) 26. Be ye angry,(We can be upset.  Paul was.   But don’t let it bring you to a place of anger that becomes dangerous.) and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:” Ephesians 4:27-28a “Neither give place to the devil. (Who is our adversary, remember. These are all just simple admonitions for the believer.)  28. Let him that stole, steal no more:…”  Now let me ask you.  Do you suppose these converts of Paul, coming out of paganism, think stealing was something strange to them?  Are you kidding?  That was their normal lifestyle. I remember a missionary, years ago, and Iris, remember?  They had been down in South America someplace, and in that particular culture it was not wrong to steal anything less than $300.  That was the limit.  If you stole over $300 worth, then you were committing sin.  But see, that’s man’s approach to all these things.   But the Bible says you don’t steal at all! Ephesians 4:28b-29 “but rather let him labor, working with his hands the thing which is good, that he have to give to him that needeth.  (Now verse 29, my, if this isn’t appropriate for movies and television today.) 29. Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers.” Now verse 30, remember we just saw in the last program how the Holy Spirit is indwelling.  So now the admonition is: Ephesians 4:30-32 “And grieve not the Holy Spirit of God, whereby ye are sealed unto the day of redemption. 31. Let all bitterness, and wrath, and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice; 32. And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, (Now, I like this one.) forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath (Already what?) forgiven you.”  If you’re forgiven, then who are you to say I can’t forgive my neighbor. All right, I think we’ve got time for our next one which will jump into Philippians chapter 2, verse 27.

  And this will wind up the fourth program this afternoon.  Philippians chapter 2, verse 27, and we’ll go back again the same way.  We’ll go to what went before and then hopefully, if we have time, we’ll pick up what goes after.  Now, when we come back and read it, we’re talking about Epaphroditus up in verse 25, but indeed, Paul says-- Philippians 2:27 “For indeed he was sick nigh unto death: but God had mercy on him; (But God!  Otherwise Epaphroditus would have probably passed on.) and not on him only, but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.”  All right, let’s go back and see what leads up to this man Epaphroditus being sick nigh unto death.  All right, let’s jump all the way up to verse 17.  I want to bring it, if I have time, into our everyday situation of prayer requests on behalf of those who are sick or maybe injured or whatever the case may be. Philippians 2:17-18 “Yea, and if I be offered upon the sacrifice and service of your faith, I joy, and rejoice with you all.  18. For the same cause also do ye joy and rejoice with me.”  In other words, it was that fellowship between the Apostle and these Philippian believers. Philippians 2:19 “But I trust in the Lord Jesus to send Timothy shortly unto you, that I also may be of good comfort, when I know your state.”  In other words, you’ve got to remember, back in antiquity, he couldn’t pick up the cell phone and call Philippi could he?  Here he is down in a far off place.  It’s a prison letter, of course, so it was written from prison in Rome. He’s in prison in Rome, and he’s concerned about the fate of all of his little congregations of Gentiles. And the only way he can find out what’s going on up in Philippi is to have Timothy go up and report back to him how the believers up there were doing.  All right, now then verse 20. Philippians 2:20 “For I have no man likeminded, who will naturally care for your state.”  See what he’s concerned about?  How are the believers up there in Philippi faring?  He’s in prison.  He can’t go and see them, so he sends Timothy.  All right, now that’s the man that he means when he says, who is like minded.  Verse 21: Philippians 2:21-24 “For all seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s. 22. But ye know the proof of him, (They knew all about Timothy.) that, as a son with a father, he hath served me in the gospel. 23. Him (Timothy) therefore I hope to send presently, so soon as I shall see how it will go with me. 24. But I trust in the Lord that I also myself shall come shortly.”  In other words, he was hoping to get out of prison and be able to continue his journeys.  Now verse 25: Philippians 2:25 “Yet I supposed it necessary to send to you Epaphroditus, my brother, and companion in labor, and fellow soldier, but your messenger, and he that ministered to my wants.”  In other word, Epaphroditus was a member of the Philippian congregation.  He had come down to visit Paul in Rome, and evidently in Rome he had gotten sick nigh unto death.  And when the Philippians heard about it, my, their heart was just poured out to God on his behalf. Philippians 2:26 “For he longed after you all, and was full of heaviness, because that ye had heard that he (was or) had been sick.”  Now see?  That’s common everyday experience, isn’t it?  We’ve all had it.  We all have someone that we love getting sick. That’s why we have prayer time before we start the television.  We like to be able to share our needs and corporately bring them into the Throne Room.  Well, this is a good lesson in that.  Paul is commending the Philippian church for remembering one of their fellow people in prayer because of his sickness. Philippians 2:27a “For indeed (Paul says) he was sick nigh unto death: (Now, here’s the But God. Why?  Because of their prayer, they had prayed for the man and God heard their prayers.) but God had mercy on him;…”  Not only for healing the man from his sickness, but to spare Paul the grief of losing him. Now, you’ve got to remember the

man’s circle of friends in prison in Rome was not all that large and to have lost one of his closest workers, it would have been devastating.  But oh, “But God” moves in.  You know I’ve had such response to this series of programs on the “But God’s and But Now’s,” because I think it’s pointing out that it makes a difference.  When God moves in, it’s going to make a difference.  So, this is the whole thing here.   All right, now then verse 28. Philippians 2:28 “I sent him therefore the more carefully, (Now, I think by that he means he had trepidations for whatever reason. He says, I sent him…carefully.) that, when ye see him again, ye may rejoice, and that I may be the less sorrowful.” Because he is removing himself from Paul’s companionship in Rome in prison.  He’s evidently going back to Philippi. Philippians 2:29 “Receive him therefore in the Lord with all gladness; and hold him in reputation: 30. Because for the work of Christ he was nigh unto death, (No, we don’t know what the situation was.) not regarding his life, to supply your lack of service toward me.” All right, now with that I’m going to end up the program here with chapter 4 verses 6 and 7.   I’ve used them over and over when people call in on the phone or write for prayer for whatever the need may be: a job, maybe a family member is in trouble with the courts, or whatever.  Oh, you’d be amazed the problems that people have to endure.  It’s unbelievable.  All right, well here is a concrete Scripture that we can share with every one of them and you can. Philippians 4:6a “Be careful (or worry) for (about) nothing; (Here’s the other flipside again.) but in every thing (God doesn’t limit you to what you can bring to the throne room, as long as it isn’t frivolous and silly, of course. But you can come into the throne room with whatever prayer need you may have. Whatever it is.) by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving….”  Do you know what?  That’s the key to the successful victorious Christian life.  Thankfulness. Thank the Lord everyday, Beloved, for whatever you’ve got: your health, your home, your family, your fellow believers, your relationship with God, everything. Be daily thankful.  That’s what God expects.  And when you have a specific request, you thank Him ahead of time for what He’s going to do.  Okay, reading on: Philippians 4:6b “…by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.”  Well, what does that tell you?  You verbalize it.  Don’t take the attitude – well, God knows.  Well of course He does.  But what does Scripture admonish?  You tell Him.  You verbalize it.  You communicate with Him.  Don’t just go on your way and think, oh well, God knows all about it.  No, we pray.  That’s the whole idea.  All right, let it be made known unto God.  And then verse 7 is where we always leave everybody we talk to, whether God answers specifically, immediately, or whether He says maybe later, or whether He says no.  The answer to every prayer is verse 7. Philippians 4:7 “And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.”  Could you ask for anything more?  My, we can pray. We can leave it in the throne room. Then we can rest assured it’s in His care. We’ve verbalized it.  We’ve told him our needs.  And then we thank Him for what He’s going to do.  And we can go on with the “Peace which passeth all understanding.”

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Pairing: Vampire!Eddie Munson x Vampire!Reader

Summary: You find Eddie in the upside down after the bats have gotten to him and explain everything to him once he wakes up.

Word Count: 2724

Eddie Masterlist

“She’s in. Move onto phase three.” You had been following the trio in the trees enjoying watching Harrington make a fool of himself in front of Nancy. You’re perched in a tree still watching them when they speak into a walkie talkie. 

“Copy that, initiating phase three.” Someone answers and you can hear another voice slightly in the background that sounds familiar before it cuts out. An amp whining in the distance makes you cringe and the feedback from it makes you cover your pointed ears. 

“Okay it’s working.” Nancy says as the bats start chittering and swarming out of the Creel house towards where the guitar playing is coming from. “Let’s go while Eddie has them distracted.” Your eyes go wide at her words. 

Eddie’s here? And more importantly Eddie’s the one playing and attracting the bats? The same bats that made you what you are and completely destroyed your life? You’re frozen there for a minute or two in your panicked state. When you finally break out of it you rush to go find him and hopefully save him from the same fate you had. You’re too late though. You had been frozen in the tree for too long and you’re too late, the bats have already attacked and started eating at him. 

“Oh shit, oh fuck.” You fall to your knees next to him, hitting the bats away from his body. “Eddie baby, no.” You whimper and stroke a hand down his face and rest his head on your knees.

“Y/n?” His voice is broken and weak and at the sight of you his eyes tear up.

“You’re gonna be alright okay? I know it hurts like a bitch but just give it some time, you’ll be okay. Shit Eds why’d you come here?” You hear the kids panicked breaths getting closer. “I’ll be right back baby, okay? Can’t let anyone else see me.”

“Oh god, Eddie.”

“Bad, huh? Think I saw Y/n.” 

You stay hidden in the shadows as the two of them talk and have a moment. You left in hopes that maybe this kid could somehow prevent it from happening but that was silly of you. You know what’s going to happen next and even though you know he’ll be back you can’t help but cry as you watch him die. The kid cries over his body for a while before leaving. As soon as he’s gone you grab Eddie and run to your house to lay him on your bed. As you place him down you can’t help but admire him. It’s been so long since you’ve seen him last, his hair has grown a bit since then.

You’re not sure how long you wait for him to wake up. It could’ve been a few hours or maybe a day or two. You’re too wracked with nerves to notice much time passing. You have no idea how he’s going to react to both being a vampire and the fact that you’re not actually dead like everyone back home thinks you are. His groan breaks you out of your thoughts and your attention snaps to where he’s starting to sit up. 

Eddie rubs his head trying to ease the slight headache he has. He freezes when he spots a shadow move in the corner of the room and when he spots the reflective eyes attached to the shadow looking at him he backs up into the wall.

“Jesus christ!”

“Please don’t freak out.” You step closer to him, allowing him to get a good look at you.

“Y/n? I thought I was hallucinating when I saw you before, but I guess I really am dead.” His head hits the wall and he closes his eyes. He’ll never be able to perform with his band again or take Dustin to his first ren faire this summer or become better friends with Steve and Robin like he was hoping he could.

“You’re not dead.” His eyes snap back open, taking a moment away from mourning his future to look at you.

“Sweetheart, do you not know that you’re dead?”

“I’m not dead either.”

“You are, I went to your funeral.”

“Yeah, so did I.” You roll your eyes at the thought of it and cross your arms in annoyance. “I can’t believe that many people showed up to say how much they’d miss me when they were nothing but rude to me.”

“So you’re not dead?” You nod your head to agree with him. “So that means I’m not dead?” You nod once more and he jumps up off the bed. “I gotta go find Dustin and the others, make sure they’re okay.”

“They’re fine!” You’re quick to place your hands on his chest to stop him from getting any farther. “I watched them get safely back through the portal so I could tell you. But you can’t go see them, at least not right now. Right now before you see anyone you need to feed.”

“Woah, what happened to your eyes?” His hand goes to rest against the side of your face and you can’t stop yourself from leaning into it as he takes in your now pinkish eyes and the way that your eyelids are now a deep purple that’s almost black that fades into a reddish color underneath your eyes.

“Eddie, baby, I need you to listen to me okay? Focus. I know where there’s this group of creatures, I’ve been calling them tulip heads, that you can feed on. I would’ve just killed one and brought it here but I wasn’t sure when your transformation would be over.”

“What are you talking about Sweetheart?” You bare your fangs to him letting out an involuntary hiss causing him to jump back.

“Jesus!”

“You died Eddie, just like I did, but thanks to these damn bats we both came back. We’re vampires, the undead, and I’m not sure why it happened but it did. Now come on, you need to eat.”

“You’ve been here this whole time?” You nod and start to head towards the door. “So you’ve chosen to stay here in this hellhole for years when you could’ve come home to me?”

‘Eddie, please we don’t have time for this, come on.” Your hand is on the doorknob ready to turn it hoping he’ll follow you out.  

“No! Y/n I loved you! Why did you let me go through all the pain and grief of thinking you were dead? I wouldn’t have cared about all this and we could’ve figured it out together. I could’ve helped you through it. You could’ve come back to me.” You let out a deep breath before whirling around to find him looking at you with anger in his eyes.

“I couldn’t! Eddie I tried okay? Almost as soon as I woke up after the attack I tried. But I was so hungry that I attacked some poor guy on my way to the trailer and if I hadn’t gotten a hold of myself in time I would’ve drained every drop of blood in his body. I couldn’t do that to you, to Wayne, so I came back here.” Your arms flail about as you speak. “It was safest for you and everyone else if I just stayed here. So that’s what I did and I’ve been feeding on the tulip heads and the dog version of them. Their blood isn’t the best thing in the world but it’s better than killing everyone I care about.” Eddie's expression softens significantly at your words and the tears brewing in your eyes. “Don’t you dare think for one second that I wanted to stay away. I couldn’t even do that a hundred percent. I still would go back and check in on you a lot more than I should’ve. I went to my funeral and wished I could just tell you and Wayne and my parents that I was fine. I went to a few of your band practices before all the portals just sorta disappeared for a while. You guys were sounding really good. I just couldn’t get any closer because I didn’t want to put you in danger.” Eddie smiles at the thought of you still being there. He thought sometimes that he’d see you out of the corner of his eye but by the time he turned to look completely you wouldn’t be there. It was nice to find out you were probably actually there.

“C’mon show me where these tulip heads are and on the way you can tell me how this happened to you.” He grabs your hand on his way out of your room and pulls you towards your front door.

“There’s not much to tell really.” You shrug and start leading the way once you’re out of the house. “I saw a portal one night and was curious so I went through it. I didn’t last very long here though, was walking around still when the first fucking bat noticed me. They swarmed me, I died, and then woke up craving blood.”

“So what kind of vampires are we? The kind that shrivels up and dies in the sun?”

“No, the sun only weakens us a bit and it’s killer on our eyes. We won’t light on fire if we walk into a church or anything either. Um, we can sleep but we don’t need it and every time I’ve tried it’s taken forever so I tend to just not. Obviously there’s the whole drinking blood thing. We’re fast and strong with heightened senses like the stories normally say and as far as I can tell we can’t see our reflections.” You get quiet and put a finger to your lips crouching down behind a tree and pointing with your other hand, that you reluctantly pulled away from Eddie’s, to the trio of tulip heads you had tracked down not long before Eddie woke up. “These guys are tough but they’re also pussies when they know they won’t win. You injure one badly enough it can’t run and then you focus on scaring the others away.” You whisper his way. “In our case we both take one down and I’m sure the last one will high tail it out of here.”

“God, who are you?”

“Just a girl who adapted to her surroundings. Now follow my lead.” 

Eddie’s in awe as he watches you pounce on the one closest to the tree. You go for its knees kicking them in so it can’t run away dodging the hands that try to grab at you with ease. It roars as you snap its wrists as well. He jumps into action when he sees one going to attack you from behind. All he sees is red as instincts seem to take over and he tackles it to the ground. Before he knows it he has the thing knocked unconscious and he looks up to you. You’re crouched over the one you took down and hissing at the last one standing causing it to give one last roar before running away. You straighten up and take in a big breath.

“You smell that Eds? It’s dinnertime.”

“How exactly does this work?” He watches you kneel by the things head.

“It’s like every vampire movie or story you’ve ever seen, you just bite and suck. The neck gives the quickest fill but you can really do it anywhere. I’ve just straight up eaten into a torso before.” He watches you lift up its head and bring it closer to your face as he sits next to his own creature.

“So I just bite into it?” He pokes at the skin the way a kid would move around the food that they didn’t want to eat.

“Mmhm.” You only nod before biting into it, it's dark blood immediately filling your mouth. Their blood wasn’t bad, just a little more bitter than you remember human blood tasting like and that deer you drank from one time while you were listening to Corroded Coffin play. Eddie cringes a little when he sees some blood drip down your chin from the corner of your mouth but when he gets a whiff of the scent his mouth waters. He dives straight in then the hunger taking over as he sloppily and blindly bites into the tulip head in front of him. He’s never tasted anything like it before and it may just be that he’s a vampire now but it’s one of the best things he’s ever had. He doesn’t stop drinking until a pain in his back causes him to cry out.

“Eddie?” You look over to see him crumpled on the ground. You’re next to him in the blink of an eye. “Baby what’s wrong?” 

“My back!” His hands go to your knees and the top of his head rests on your stomach. With how tight he’s gripping you and how his arms are shaking you know it has to really be hurting him. 

“Where does it hurt? Did you get hit fighting the tulip heads?”

“In between my shoulders.” He bites out the words. “I don’t think so.”

“Okay, okay, let me take a look.” As you reach to pull up his jacket and shirt to see what could be wrong, wings rip through the layers and knock you back. “What the fuck!” You crawl back from him out of shock of what just happened while Eddie’s groans of pain fade.

“God that hurt like a bitch!” He straightens out barely noticing the weight added to his back as he stretches his neck and shoulders. “Why are you looking at me like that?” You’re still on the ground wide eyed and slack jawed staring at the bat wings protruding from your once boyfriend.

“Eddie, you’ve got wings.” Your voice is full of disbelief still trying to take them in.

“I do?” He reaches behind him, eyes going wide when he makes contact with one. “I do. That’s so cool!” He seems to catch onto stretching them out and moving them around rather quickly. While he practices moving them around you stand up and brush debris off of yourself. “Where are yours?”

“I don’t have any.” You grumble walking closer to him to get a better look at them. “This is so unfair.” They’re magnificent really, they’re a deep black with a sort of shimmer in the light and claws at the tops that remind you of the big raptor claws you’ve seen at museums.  And they’re huge, towering above you and when Eddie spreads them out they have to have at least a fifteen feet wingspan. “They’re beautiful Eds.”

“Not as beautiful as you I bet.” While you stand and admire his wings he admires you. It’s been two years since he’s last seen you and now that he’s finally getting a good look at you without worrying about understanding what’s going on or anything it takes his breath away. You’re more beautiful than the last day he saw you which incidentally was the day before it was announced you were missing. The cops had originally thought maybe he was involved in your disappearance, which definitely helped them blame him for Chrissy this time around, but Wayne had been off that night and watched you leave before Eddie spent the rest of the night watching movies with him.

“Eddie, are you flirting with me?” You quirk an eyebrow at him smiling at the fact.

“Why wouldn’t I be able to flirt with my girl?” His hands go to your waist bringing you close to him instead of his wings.

“Your girl huh? I’m still yours?”

“Never stopped bein’ mine Sweetheart. Couldn’t get myself to move on, hoping you just skipped town and were waiting for me.” Which in all fairness is kind of what happened.

“Good, cause I never wanted to stop being yours. I really did want to come back to you Eddie bear. Properly, not just lurking around corners and in shadows.”

“I know baby, now c’mere it’s been way too long since I’ve had a kiss.” As he pulls you into him his wings wrap around the both of you giving you a sense of safety. And you finally feel at home as his arms wrap around your waist and his lips find your own.

Eddie Taglist: @sadbitchfangirl​​ @notbeforelong​​ @daisyellsong​​ @munsonswhore86​​ @katsukis1wife​​ @violet-19999​​ @navs-bhat​​ @emotionaldreamer​​ ​ @thatsamegirl​​ @fromasgardandback​​ @lupinpetersclearwaterodairparker​​ @rockchickrebel​​ @yourdailymemedelivery​​ @magicalchocolatecheesecake​​ @watercolorskyy​​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​​ @brattypeony​​ @luceneraium​​ @loveeeyy-y @trikigirl271​​ @fangirling-4-ever​​ @angelina0191​​ @gaysludge​​ @audhd-dragonaut​​ ​ @chxosunbound​​ ​ @alienoutlet @eddiethesexy​​ @mazerunnerrose​​ @20fandomfangirl​​ @tvserie-s-world​​ @reddisteddie​​ @redgetawaycar​ @eddies-lover​ @alexis6699​​​

Everything Taglist: @munsonsmuse​ @starbxcks​ @bubsonnobx​ @practicalghost​ 

[the-soliloquies-of-sadists]

#288

“Renton? What are you still doing here? Everyone’s across the street celebrating. No. No. I’m giving you an order. Stop working, we got the contract. We’ll have plenty of time to work on the details over the next few weeks. Really, we owe it all to your hard work. You worked tirelessly with LeGrasse over at Galios. Say, I have a question for you, and I’ve done enough Hennessy shots to ask. We all know you are gay here. And that’s not a problem. Seriously we know. No, some of the guys and I were wondering with all that one-on-one time you had with him, if you and LeGrasse…

“No way! I knew it! Was it a one-time thing?... At lunch?... You mean to tell me that right before we entered the final meeting signing everything to the biggest contract this company has ever landed, LaGrasse was entering you? And sorry if I’m getting too graphic here,… it’s the Hennessy and all.

“…Damn. How often has this been going on?... Wait, that was the time they almost walked away…. Oh hold on here. Are you saying that we almost lost the contract, but you and one of their negotiators and saved it by slobbing his knob?... Let me think about this… because one of my subordinates took it regularly up the ass, my son gets to go to a better college?... I can’t even begin to process all that. I’ll worry about it tomorrow.

“…So what are you still doing here? And why are you still in this conference room?... Jesus Christ! …In here? …Right here? Where I am standing now, he was here butt fucking you?... No, he was the one bent over the table? Wait, you don’t seem the type who… You were, what, tongue fucking him? What the hell is that?... Oh hell! I’ve seen that in pornos. I never thought it was done in real life. Neither of my girlfriends have done that to me and one of them is a twisted bitch. And my wife? Never! She doesn’t even give me head anymore.

“What was he doing when you were eating his shithole? Jacking off…. Jesus fuck! Is that drops of spooge on the conference table? Right there! It is! You did a horrible job cleaning it up on the edge, but you missed a couple drops. Clean them up.

“What are you doing? Wow! I wasn’t expecting you to lick them up. I was figuring you would use a paper towel.

“Um, you are really fucking with my head here. You really are a pig. …NO! You can’t give me a demonstration. My ass is off limits to you….

“…But… …You know what? Why not? It’s because of that tongue going into another man’s shithole that we just got the biggest contract this company has ever had. Just nothing else! I’m not into sucking your dick or any of that queer shit.

“Let’s go into my office. Nobody will interrupt, not that there’s anyone still here, but still. The cleaning staff doesn’t show up for a while.

“I can’t believe I’m really doing this. Seriously. I’ve brought a number of pussies back here, but never a fag. Over to the couch. Should I just lean over… aw, never mind. Just get that tongue in there before I change my mind.

“Fuck that tickles. It’s wet, and warm. Oh man. Jesus fuck. Keep going. Oh my fucking god! God damn! Don’t fucking stop. I just need to reach for my cigar. Like a blowjob, it’s probably better while enjoying a good smoke.

“…Oh fuck. I think this is going to be part of your expectations going forward. We were in discussion earlier that if you landed this contract for us that you would get a promotion, coincidentally working close with me. With Aaron moving back east, you will take his office next door.

“I can’t believe it. My dick is rock hard. And not only that. It’s leaking. I can’t believe I’m going to say this, but if you want to suck on my dick go for it.

“Jesus! You went right to the root without a struggle. That’s eight inches deep. Jesus! So this is what fags have to offer. Renton, it’s not going to take long.

“…This is definitely going to be part of your daily routine. Now listen up. I’m an asshole of a boss, but I’m even more so when it comes to sex….

“You sure know how to use your throat. Fuck! Well, my cock seems to like this queer shit. I want to try your ass. Lean over the arm of the couch.

“Now listen here faggot. In this office,—my office—you are a faggot,—my faggot. Don’t ever forget that. My bitches are exclusive to me, and so will you be. Your fucking around ends now. I am in control of this hole. I’m in control of you. Don’t you ever, EVER put my company in jeopardy by being a goddamned whore. It worked out for you this time, but it’s not going to happen again. You got that?... Good.

“Let’s try out this cunt. If it is half as good as your mouth, I’m going to be ditching one or both of my girlfriends. I’m going right to the root…. Fuck! Oh man, it’s like your cunt was made for this. Damn! Those bitches are gone.”