#I can be silly and I can experiment and I can be bad bc my real name isn't attached | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

marblerose-rue · 4 months

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got asked to draw two of my old wc rp ocs :-) left is cicadahop, right is scallopstar

#my art #wc oc #squints. its been a dogs age since ive posted anything wc oc related #oc #BUT YA!!!! these guys are old. i think i made cicadahop 2018-2019 but i could be wrong/i have no way of checking haha #and scallopstar was made 2020.? i think? both are vaaastly different #if i were to play them today i think id keep a lot of things the same for cicada. shes just a silly girl who wants to make friends and #and be kind. as for scallopstar. i think id change a lot #one reason: ive gotten a lot better (I HOPE) with storytelling now that ive been playing dnd for a well over a year #and since i also run two different campaigns. two: i have more experience writing a character with an arc that turns them into a villain #three: i was really going through it at the time so. erm. LMFAO plus i was like 16 so ANDKJFGNJDFHBGJH #but yeah!!! kinda crazy looking at my old art and seeing how much ive improved #also a weird feeling to draw them again but not a Bad weird feeling. been doing a lot of reminiscing #thank god we can copy/paste tags bc if i had to rewrite this all id be so sad HAHA #the crop was weird so i wanted to fix it before it was too late lol #since these 2 are ocs im not gonna indicate this was a request the same way i will with the other requests lol

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skunkes · 11 months

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might sound weird to say as a person with a couple ocs who have Big Horrible Event(s) in their backstories or as a person who has like 3 ocs total bc he sucks at writing and as a person who hopes their ocs arent too Boring with [the thing im about to mention] but the thing about writing [characters] and [people] is that like.

any little thing a person experiences can take up their whole existence... its actually something "fun" to experience as i meet new ppl and do more things. My friend had something happen that she'll be talking about forever. I had several things happen last year that ill never stop talking about, some of which other ppl think werent that bad actually. In the same way I'll forever remember about the way my sister accidentally insulted me almost 10 years ago, it's really interesting and Fun to find and assign smaller things like that to characters...its really Real. some people's dealbreakers are other people's solvable problems etc etc

#(as well as the opposite: Big Event that maybe shocks everyone around em but they genuinely werent shaken by)#though this one is more common and leads to those ''ohh i didnt know that was normal oops'' moments #talkys #inspired by recent me and friend events #and also recent events where i told sum ppl more stuff about Thing and they responded as if it wasnt a big deal. but it was to me.#and also how i thought a part of al's childhood backstory was kind of maybe dumb and not realistically as impactful as id expect #but i saw someone on reddit almost word for word write that as their experience and how its shaped em as a person #and thats it like... the small things are boring and hard to keep track of sometimes #its not like you'll include every single little event your oc was shaped by in their bio #but idk. its like Fun to piece together for fun. to mold a human being #ykwim? wld be silly to tell everyone ''oh my oc struggles with self image due to many instances like... when their sister called em ugly''#or write it anywhere but it is fun to Know and have in your head. and its real !#just like if a friend told you about something that happened to em #long post #delete later #sorry i keep saying stupid obvious shit lately ive always been bad at oc making AND socializing so im learning everything late #but anyway yes. idk even as i keep making ocs that are ''similar'' its like. every person so different #people can react to anything in any way for any reason. i love people #this is why i struggle a bit with keeping ocs to archetypes i guess bc like. what is ooc for an oc. people contain contradictions all the #time. you can change yourself at any time.#ok nobody will read this far so ill go to the real insane rambling #part of this has been a part of my chats with talon while trying to get him to share more info #like. yeah ok you're 400+ years old the things that happened to you were such a comparatively small part of your life #but humans dont live as long and think about small things until they die. i dont think time would heal all wounds actually. not all of em #some thoughts just always come to gnaw at your brain. its ok to not be over things. i feel ill never be over some things #and also complainerism can be fun but thats something else entirely wee hee ^_^

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ohitslen · 1 year

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My dad told me to watch Gungrave with him (we have just watched one episode atm) and I was like wait the vibes, this feels so awfully familiar, where have I seen this, the characters hmm no but I’m so sure I’ve never seen this anime before

And I was right I have never seen it before…BUT… as I google for some facts I immediately found out that Nightow was the character designer along with good sir Kōsuke Fujishima of the og game, and the anime is under Nightow’s name as it seems and I was like—

OF COURSE. NIGHTOW.

#down to the mf glasses. it was the general structure but the glasses. they just felt. Nightow yk. IK IT WAS A TREND THE BUT ITS THE FEELING #ITS ALL COMING TOGETHER LIKE A FULL CIRCLE I CANT ESCAPE THAT MAN NO MATTER WHERE I RUN TO #my dad was like ‘you like Trigun? you might like this the designs are sick’ and I’m like hm yeah they have their charm I’ll admit #I told him ‘his gun is giving Trigun. the glasses. the fit.’ and then I laughed bc I thought that’s so silly it’s just what was on trend #around that time and I’m just really bad into the brainrot there’s now way these two would possibly be related. alas.#apparently Nightow was involved since very early on in the project while it was still in a very essential beginning stage #and you can TELL. it all BREATHES of Nightow when it comes to the character designs like #I dont know much of mr Kosuke Fujishima to tell about his style but his is very prominent too as it seems! as both were essential to the #whole feel for the characters. but for Nightow I can speak and YEAH YOU CAN SEE IT ON THE IMAGES ABOVE. THAT’S HIM AIGHT #yasuhiro nightow #gungrave #lenssi rambles #gungrave anime #having my own christoper Columbus experience rn #I’ll get to kekkai sensen too eventually! Nightow is an awesome writer i want to #I WANT TO FFS OQNWK READ. all of his works! so many things so little focus OANWM

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wachi-delectrico · 2 years

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Gonna get spicy for a second and say that everyone loves spewing hate about narcissistic (NPD) parents and how awful parents with personality disorders are, but if someone were to make a post with the exact same cadence about ADHD parents they'd get shot in public at first sight

#rambling #Lemme clarify and extend my point here (cos I feel ppl could really misinterpret this one)#Am I saying people should just accept the abuse of parents if said parents have a personality disorder? No #Am I saying people with ADHD parents have it worse or that both experiences are comparable and exactly the same? No #What I'm saying is that ppl are much more eager to call out abusive or neglectful behaviour from ppl w personality disorders bc #they're seen as 'scary' or 'monstrous' and inherently evil so they have no qualms going full force at it. They think -pd ppl are the devil #But adhd in ppl's general views could never be the source of such pain from a parent to a child; ADHD ppl are seen as childish #and harmless and clueless and silly and tbh a bit stupid. Besides they could never hurt a 'monster' by jumping the gun at -pd ppl right?#'normal people don't have personality disorders so this can't affect me! But normal people can have adhd!'#That's the core of my complaint: one is dehumanised as a destructive monster; the other is as an innocent victim child #And both (parent w -pd & w adhd) can be pretty bad in their own uniqie ways! But such a thing is never considered - for the #societal construct of the child - that neurodivergencies get pushed into - is of an untainted pure inherently clueless being below human #From my exp and the exp of other friends lemme say: having an adhd parent can suck so much ass! Lol #I grew up with two opposing ideals troubling my mind: my mothers obvious overwhelming love; and the shadow her constant absence cast #She loved me so much and did as much as she could; but constantly forgot about my care and my needs and made rash choices #I think about that more and more as i age; especially as i go to doctors over and over for problems i have had since forever #It is an awful feeling to have sink in your heart: how a parent's love isn't enough; how 'maturing quick' isn't a blessing but a curse #As i grew i stopped telling my mom about my needs my school things and my life bc i got used to her forgetfulness and lack of organisation #It meant irregular eating schedules & inadequate meals. In 5th grade I'd eat table scraps at school cos my mom couldn't remember #how I'd tell her over and over that the food had to be in a specific way or it'd get burnt in the school's oven #I'd go to the 'first' dr appointment to deal w an ongoing problem & then she'd forget to schedule the following ones #You get the idea #Kind of a weird post w a strange framing device but I've been thinking about it a lot lately. Smth triggered this thought last night #I'll also never forget a few months ago when i went go a specialist for my hEDS - told her I've known all my life but never got treatment #Also just. The crushing feeling of the dr saying ''you should've gotten your own med team to work ur case since u were young!'#And just. silently nodding & wanting to cry feeling validated but also so hurt looking @ the obvious neglect #Anyways hey how did this therapy session go Doctor

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freebooter4ever · 1 year

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#OH BOY #so i finally called grandma and told her i lost my job #i have been putting this off bc of the shame and once you tell one member of my italian side the entIRE FAMILY knows #But she managed to hit me back with even worse news #A family member has bone cancer and it sounds bad #Like my grandma callyerdogs off started refusing food at the very end of the cancer #And it sounds like he's starting to do that #Everybody is spending entire days in the hospital it sounds very much like with what was happening with grandpa #i dont want to go into details #Anyway on top of this my childhood bff is getting married in atlanta at the end of august #So i was going to visit grandma at the same time #And now she's being like no no no theres no need to come and im like GRANDMA PLEASE lol ;_;#And by lol i mean just for once could my family not be so fucking stubbornly self reliant im crying and begging over here #The tentative plan is to fly to pittsburgh after atlanta instead and stay with my dance buddy #and then i can be like look grandma im already here its a four hour drive i will see you in four hours #and stay for as long as they let me and then fly back from the burgh #But needless to say this is all a mess and i need to make actual plans SOON #:(#Im looking up flights the cheapest way would be to book a round trip ticket LA to atlanta and then a round trip atlanta to the burgh #Is this a bad idea? Does anyone else have experience doing this? Like for an extra 500$ i could do a three city ticket but that seems silly #I guess the problem would be if a flight got canceled or delayed but if i get travelers insurance for the flights #thats probably still less than the 500+ extra it would cost to do a three city trip #The other option is driving from georgia to the burgh which ive done once when going to florida with chezzy and family #So i know its a 13ish? Hour drive but i also know i can do it lol #I think the gas + car rental would cost more than the flight tbh #But i also love road trips

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piplupod · 7 months

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head in my hands. i promise i am not a scary unhinged person fdsgjkl, and none of my silly happy posting is fake, i am just very good at repressing and partitioning things. i can be having the worst day of my life and still enjoy jokes and be genuinely having a good time with my silly little characters and stories i come up with. this brain LOVES to section off shit that is genuinely unbearable (because how else do you live with that? if not putting it in a place where you cannot feel it?) so that i can cope and find joy in life still fsdjkl i simply love having a good time too much to ever make it up

#pippen needs 2nd breakfast #i want to make friends and be a pleasant person to be around so badly but fhdsjkl then . this household hurts me as it is wont to do #and i have a small breakdown here bc it all feels so awful and i feel like if i keep it locked inside and hidden i will actually CrackTM #and then i feel like that is . well. understandably! a lot! for other ppl to see #and it is very upsetting and scary and awful to read. i know. im so well aware fjdskl #but also augh. augh augh augh. i try very hard to not post abt things as much as i humanly can avoid doing so #but i am very silly and fuck up my own rules for myself when i have a particularly bad experience w mother o' mine #i am worried that if i say anything to the effect of ''life is terrible and i am straight up not having a good time''#then it makes all my other posting look disingenuous or smth. i am literally just posting what is on my brain currently when i post stuff #and oftentimes my brain is like... a silly little swirl-patterned rubber bouncy ball with a happy face on it HDSGJKL #that is like... a lot of my whole deal as a part of the brain fsdfjkl #even with all the grief and upset i can still have a good time bc we stay silly !!!! by god we stay silly through it all !!!#i will shrug my shoulders and say ''ah well what can ya do!'' after getting screamed at or told i'm a disappointment to the family lmfao #because honestly... what can you do dsfkl it is what it is and theres rly nothing i can do about this all #anyways i am talking toooooo much sorry fdsjgkl once again i will delete all this later so i dont upset ppl too much dsjkl augh augh sorry

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loverboydotcom · 7 months

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at this point im just speeding through chapter one of lover boy like im trying to get through the perfume department

#ON A LINE LEVEL NOT BAD!!! NOT BAD ON A PLOT BEAT LEVEL EITHER!!!!#I definitely know I want to completely rework the opening but want to wait until I’ve written more #but also it’s just like im not used to this balance yet #of the grief but also the earnest silliness etc etc….it’s my own experience of grief but it takes getting used to #definitely hard to strike the balance from a writing pov #i have not been this consistent in a novel draft in a while but the last time I was the story was like. thematically + emotionally simpler #I think it definitely is a case of writing the first chapter closer to last but I’m gonna get thru the plot beats you know #also we’re deep in the tags so I’ll get mildly over sharing I need to be DONEEE with the bobby death flashback #I won’t detail what it looks like but it’s a scene that def takes from my experience of seeing someone dead and is very cathartic #VERY proud of what I’ve already written #but absolutely not a scene I can dwell on I need to be past it #chapter 2 in contrast has some super sweet Bobby flashbacks and I want to be there. I need healing #I don’t want to think about his dead body anymore :(#like it’s not triggering. but I need to be in the right frame of mind to write it #and the longer it takes me to get there the less I am in the right frame of mind bc I’m like anticipating it

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stuck-in-the-ghost-zone · 1 year

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"unicron" being a serious term in transformers lore is bringing me back to my blue sky days. guy with a cigarette looking out the window. i havent heard that name in 84 years

#apple bagel unicron.........#my experiences are not universal. thid is such a niche intersection of things #can anyone hear me. any of my mutual read blue sky. that was a lifechanging piece of media for me .#was on the verge that year. was being very very very heavily bullied on the schoolbus that year #(<< was. physically assaulted multiple times)#nearly broke my fuckin nose cause some asshole would sit in the front seat and trip me every time i got on for like a solid week #hashtag kick a ginger day which lasted a week #anyway. would get 2 my seat and put my headphones on and listen to the portal2 ost and read blue sky #for like. the whole year. bc that fic is basically a full length novel #one thing i would do if i had unlimited money is pay someone 2 bookbind blue sky for me .... i want that so bad #anyway. was on the transformers wiki bc i was trying 2 figure out what. all the media is and where i should stsrt.#bc im serious abt this apparently #and unicron is like..... a Major Thing #and in my head every time i see it i just hear. apple bagel unicron. hdhfhsjdbdnds #anyway. long retrospective post to say i think transformers is silly and neat and #friendship ended with my childhood being raised as a girl not being allowed to enjoy certain things. bumblebee is my new best friend #blahblahblah #reaction time #<< be prepared to block my liveblog tag soon if i actually get into transformers because i have NO other outlet for this shit lmao

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mysunshine-youremoonlight · 8 months

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vaniiii ehe hiya :3 umm we got a system sideblog if yer interested in seein more of us... but ummmm hiya !!!! i missed ya n im glad t' see ya... do ya got any advice fer copin wit' lack of attention from an fp.... we're okay but if ya got anythin it might be helpful for us :33 ehe i love yaaaa -🪴

MIIIIIKAAAAA!!!!!!!!! i missed u guys </3 i would love to see more of u tho i miss you guys when you're not around... although i guess technically you are since you said we're mutuals but skdghds

ough. tbh i've been pretty lucky insofar that i haven't had a lotta issues with that... but in my experience usually if i gotta be left alone for awhile distracting myself helps a lot? like. go down a wikipedia rabbit hole, or do a puzzle, or play a game you get super invested in. just something to focus on so you don't end up in your own head kinda thing yanno??? otherwise don't feel bad to just. ask for attention? like. it's not illegal to have human desires. and as long as your fp isn't busy or something they probably don't mind talking with you a lil :3 although idk for sure i know everyone has different relationships with their fp so ^^; do not listen to me if you know it'll cause you harm/strife/etc :< also naps. bc those pass the time reaaaaal quick. its like a lifehack. feeling bad? take a nap. you'll either feel amazing after or like you got smacked in the face with a trout ! oh and also like. doing schoolwork or smth productive maybe? thats not really fun tho so dskghds maybe pick up a kinda time-consuming hobby like crochet or cross-stitch or something where you can use that to distract yourself and have something to do with your hands :3?

but if its like. ur Already Feeling Bad i recommend like. watching a movie/tv show/etc that you really like or getting a Little Treat(tm) or something :3 curl up with a cozy blanket and drink some hot cocoa or tea or something !! its not like. a sure-fire fix. but i find the combo of distraction + comfort media + Little Treat tends to make you feel at least a lil better :3 also if it gets Very Bad just like. destroy some old school work you don't need or somethin. tearing papers to shreds is sooooooo fun. make sure u don't accidentally rip up something you need though skjghds it helps to calm down a lil and then you can work on relaxing a little more !! its not like. guaranteed. but sometimes gettin some of the destructive urges out helps

ily2 mika <3 i would die for u btw /lh

#at least i get destructive urges idk. i usually just rip up papers and stuff i don't need if i get like that #most of the time i can just deal w/ it via distractions (mmmm shitty mobile games) but !! sometimes u gotta Rip And Tear #most of my strats are just. distract urself. bc it gives you time to calm down and process stuff even if you don't realize it #so. ye. jus kinda be nice to yourself :3 it helps a little. perhaps get a plushie to cuddle with even #i have plushies my fp got me and i keep them on my bed and cuddle them when i miss them nd stuff #it helps a little !!! making yourself feel better can be rlly hard tho so don't feel bad if you struggle a bit !!#find some friends to talk to too if you can !!! it rlly helps to have people to talk to even if they don't entirely get it #just having other people around can help. i message with a few friends when my fp is busy sometimes and it helps keep the loneliness #at bay a little :3 but !! obv i cannot guarantee any of this will work for you !! but hopefully some of it is helpful at least !!!#I FORGOR U CAN'T PUT READ MORES IN ASKS. AUGH. this got so long srry mika ily #anyway !!! i am glad to see u :3 i was thinking abt u guys recently actually sdkghsd #i was worried u guys might've been one of the people in recent times that've blocked me or something orz #ily. stay safe. nd !! lemme know if i can help you guys somehow :3 #im not like the most versed in system nor bpd stuff but ! i have my silly little experiences to go off of #system anon 🪴#long post #<- j. just in case. bc this did get Long. oopsies

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mars-ipan · 1 year

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so fucking annoying having a “common” disorder sometimes i’m sick of being fucking dismissed

#marzivents #<- preemptive bc i’m bitter abt it #i made a joke abt trying to get every accomodation for my anxiety that i can #and my own mother. who HAS THE SAME FUCKING ILLNESS. compared me to fucking eric cartman????#for making a silly about my mental illness? and saying ‘i have anxiety so u need to be nice to me’ for a LAUGH????#like 1- i’m not fucking lying when i say i need extra help for my anxiety shit #and 2- do not compare me to a fucking south park character because he faked an anxiety disorder for a couple of episodes #like fuck you. what the fuck is wrong with you #‘half the world has anxiety marley’ 1- not true like statistically 2- while anxiety is relatively common that doesn’t mean i don’t need #extra help because of it???? hello????? what the shit #and EVERY time i try to say something about how it makes me feel she pulls the experience card and patronizes me!!!#i get it i’m 18 i don’t know everything. but i fucking know myself!!!#sometimes i just feel like my family thinks i’m looking for excuses to feel bad. which is so FRUSTRATING #because EVERY DAY of my life i am trying to improve and make my mindset healthier and work hard to be the best happiest me i can be #it’s just that sometimes doing my best is feeding myself and brushing my teeth #it bugs me so much coming from her because i know she has it too #like. i know you had to spend the first 30 years of your life denying your mental health to get out of hell #but i don’t. your whole goal in life was to make sure that your kids didn’t have to do that to succeed #so when i tell you i’m struggling or dare to crack a fucking joke about it once in awhile #why is it that suddenly i’m the bad guy or trying to make myself a victim #can i just need fucking help??? in peace??? does it have to be a whole fucking thing #like sorry do i not deserve it? am i not sick enough? god #and this is all IGNORING the fact that it is highly likely i have something else too #i’ve had depressive episodes since middle school. i have many adhd symptoms #fuck man! maybe ur kid who’s been an expert at masking since fucking elementary school is going through a bit more than they look to be!#almost like it’s a subconscious impulse for them to look better than they feel!#and i’m not even doing that bad right now!#i’m super burnt out but i’m coping really well! i’m getting shit done i’m working hard i’m still taking care of myself!!#i’ve managed to still laugh and love and feel joy despite despite despite #and all i want is some goddamn recognition once in a while. i am so SICK of being overlooked. fuck

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yn-has-insomnia · 9 months

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so help me god I will write something this month and post it

#life update:#I have joined my uni's literary journal as an editor #and have begun to write my own submissions #which I am taking very seriously #which is making me realize why I haven't posted any fanfic yet #it's bc I'm taking it very seriously also #but it rlly doesn't need to be #I can be silly and I can experiment and I can be bad bc my real name isn't attached #and unfortunately many people don't take fanfic very seriously #even tho I've read some that were better than published novels I've read #but I'm gonna write something dumb and I'm gonna post it and I'm gonna get this goddamn ball rolling

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viderose · 1 year

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he’s annoying, i don’t like him (he hasn’t given me as much attention lately)

#im fighting for my life out here #i feel so childish and annoying. like rationally ik i can’t have his undivided attention. but that doesn’t mean i don’t want it sometimes🥺#i think what actually is happening is that im worrying he’s about to ghost #i feel bad thinking that though. bc he seems like a very honest and mature person? with how he talks abt things i don’t think he would rly #ghost me after talking for this amount of time. but ya never can tell…. every time we don’t talk as much for a few days i get very nervous #and it’s weirdly quite difficult to push that worry out of my head. and then i get annoyed with myself for worrying about it to begin with #like i can’t control what he does so why worry about his hypothetical actions? i’ll deal w the consequences of them if or when they occur.#if we stop talking i’ll feel sad and i’ll miss him for a bit and then i’ll get over it. that’s all. it’s not that bad.#but anyway my point is we good #sometimes idk if id truly feel That sad. i think it depends how it ends.#or maybe i just don’t think anyone can hurt my feelings as much as the first person to hurt my feelings in a specific way #like you experience a loss or betrayal or grief - whatever - the first time and it’s all encompassing. it feels like it could genuinely kill #you it hurts so bad. and every subsequent loss or betrayal or grief you experience just isn’t the same? you barely flinch #maybe it’s because you learn to process those emotions better or maybe it’s keeping things at arm’s length as a protective measure #that means nothing hurts as much as the first thing #idk #this became a silly ramble #im just very attached to him and i miss him when he’s busy but also don’t want to ask too much for fear of being a nuisance or rejected :)#ykwim?#i miss him a lot

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horrorwebs · 1 year

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i hate my best friend earlier i was like "im scared that this guy likes me bc he said something that i would only say to people who i like, but i recognize thats its a normal ass thing to say anyway and i rationally know he does not like me, but still, my brain decided to play with that concept and made me have a terrible nightmare the other night about it and now im subconsciously scared that he will like me ( with the underlying concept of "i am scared of men")" and shell go ohohioo what if youre projecting and its actually YOU that likes him. ????? bitch did you not hear the part about having a dream where he abused me or ...?sometimes being asexual is a nightmare nobody gets it

#and i have actually considered that btw.! and no i dont like him. if i like anyone its someone else entirely.and i dont like them either so #but she did not get it for the most part which i understand my feelings are unconventional and irrational and hard to follow. but i am #quite literally scared of the concept. of a man liking me. of this guy specifically bc we are good friends why ruin it!but just guys in gen #and i dreamt he abused me.....#literal nightmare i woke up scared and confused all bc my brain hates ne #anyway. she wants to have a gotcha moment so bad #like i said before. no its not about projecting and being scared of liking him #its about being scared that someone who i care about sees me in a way i dont and demands things from me i am not willing to give #+ someone being intimidating by having more experience compared to my 0 amount #+ feeling a bit intimiddated that my new friend group will find me immature as i am the youngest one #theres a lot of complicated feelings and a lot of confusing things bc of my asexuality but she sometimes doesnt get it #its not rly about liking him. also if i do in the future i wont really give myself a headache about it ive decided to stop worrying #about things like that it never helps.#anyway this is the friend i was hopelessly in love with and i can safely say i am over her now [tangent]#anyway. idk. sometimes i feel so stupid but this fear was idk a bit more than justa silly highschool 'what if i like them'and more #'what if the people i meet want to take advantage of me and i cant learn to say no' + 'what if i have a way of self sabotaging perfectly #good friendships by implanting irrational fears into them via dream' ?#you know. a bit more heavy #idk if anyone reads my rants id you doo cool thanks but whatever this is my diary maybe i should go nack to the psychologist idk #spikeposting

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glittertimes · 11 months

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As a 24 year old I’m kind of over drinking culture. The last time I really drank it took me a week to recover from it loll, I’ve been getting really dizzy since a covid infection 2 years ago, and I had a really bad flare-up a month ago after celebrating a friends birthday.

But even before that I drank pretty minimally and I didn’t like how my friends put the responsibility of caring for them on me when they put themselves in harmful situations. I’m always going to be there for my friends, but it takes a toll caring for people and watching them not have that same care for themselves.

And then it’s funny and normalized when people drink all the time.

#this is not meant to shame anyone with addictions or to say that I’m morally better than anyone #a couple of months ago my friend from hs who moved away a couple years e was visiting and she insisted we go to a club lol #it was my first time at a club since I turned 21 the month after Covid lockdown started loll!#and it was fun not caring about the people around me and just being silly and dancing while tipsy #but also the guys were creepy which I expected but it was weirder than I thought it’d be loll #like one guy who would just jump out at you while you were leaving the dance floor and tried to hug you and buy you a drink #he also found me again later and kept trying to get my Instagram loll but it’s that vibe you get around.#cishet men when you know they don’t like you as a person they just want to get any woman (even though I’m non-binary)#and I never feel bad saying no to guys like that loll plus I have a partner but even if I didn’t it still be a no lmao #and then another guy tried to pour his beer into my friend’s drink as I was carrying it back to the table for her from the bar #and it was so weird and gross like why would I want you to do that?!?#anyways my conclusion is being tipsy and silly with your friends can be fun!#but the culture around alcohol enables so many harmful behaviors and makes ppl unsafe! esp women queer and trans ppl and poc!#I also had to walk my partner home one time bc they drank so much and got so depressed they almost tried to hurt themselves #and I couldn’t leave them alone bc I was worried they’d try something again #just haven’t had great experiences and I’m one of the ‘lucky’ ones for not experiencing anything worse!#personal

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nomaishuttle · 1 year

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i think analyzing dreams is very fun but also i think a lot of it is psuedoscience yk. and also straightup it wouldnt make sense for evey single type of dream to mean the same thing for everybody bc we all have different brains and associate things differently yk.

#my cousin had a little likee. dream analyzing guidebook #and i always thoght it was silly bc like. you and the suthor of this book dont have the same memories or experiences associated 2ith #car crashes or eith losing teeth. they mean different things to you and your s #ubconscious.. maybe there r some overlaps maybe there r some common like. yk. carcrashes r pretty universally bad so maybe for most ppl #they represent pain or loss of control. but like #idk. i dont think u can be like 'dreaming of a mother cat and her kittens means you are going to have a baby soon!' works bc like #idk. different ppl could have totally different associations subconsciously

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carp-esh-ove-lem · 2 years

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i think me making a dropout/d20/naddpod sideblog is inevitable at this point

#ty xeph my beloved for givin me the final push to get dropout #dam i dont even remember if there was a specific thing u did xD i had been wantin to get it for a while already tbh #anyways i wanna look at naddpod stuff on here so bad but also started from the beginning and ;-; spoilers #lol it’s so weird it’s been YEARS since ive been invested in a fandom/media n cared abt (or even had the opportunity to care abt) spoilers #tbh i usually dont care but even if i did #a lot of the time the content ends up easy to catch up on yknow? limited series & books and stuff n all #or fuckinnnn yt series that u dont need to be caught up from the beginning lol #this however. i do Want to experience the story for realsies n all that #anyways. the sideblog is definitely fuckin happening imma be real #idk when i’ll stop being a coward and *nike voice* just do it #but it’ll happen it is quite literally inevitable. ive gone past the point of no return #i Do need to dwell on a url though. that may take A Bit (read: far too long)#i think i was considering maybe a silly dumb ref to andhera from acofaf #bc that was the first campaign i watched and they are Best Boy. god i fucking love andhera #but also. man idk #ikikik ik u can change urls l8r but this is How I Am *awkward smile*#i Need a silly little ref that Satisfies Me. it doesnt even hafta be a good or recognizable reference (<- historically true)#but it’s gotta be good to Me Personally bc im ~like that~ teehee #anyways screaming crying How will i ever catch up to naddpod #i mean tbf. im at ep 26 for first campaign and it’s been maybe a week? maybe under (or over??) a bit??#so theoretically it hopefully wont take me more than 2 months to finish bahumia campaign even w school starting factored in #hopefully. idk #d20 shit is gonna take 50 goddamn yrs tho xD im in my naddpod arc rn #and all ive seen is acofaf and most of coffin run. and am keepin up w neverafter ofc #and idk even which intrepid hero campaign to go for next. i was thinkin unsleeping city but like damn i dont even know for sure yet #ALSO i HAVE to watch mice&murder first now. idk if it’s any good but Conceptually im just. oh my god i need to get my grubby lil hands on it #but again. before that im In My Naddpod Arc currently and im like. most of the way thru coffin run. god i’ll finish it i promise #it just didnt Grip me as much as the other stuff ive consumed so far. i dont dislike it tho; it’s cool but brain didnt stick as hard #and im like literally one episode from finishing too. like 20 min of the penultimate and the final one thats it #anyway im evidently fuckin rambling i’ll shut up now

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