#I can’t keep a single friend
Text
idk man I just wanna be loved
#vent#idk#I can’t keep a single friend#every single person I’ve ever cared about has either left me or hurt me or just neither of us can bother to stay in contact#and I’m shit at online friendships#so basically I’m just fucking doomed to feel lonely for the rest of my life#because I’m too scared and anxious and fucked in the head to talk to new people and I’ve chased off every old friend#by being boring and anxious and generally just not enough#or too much#and everyone tells me it’s gonna get better in college but idk how#I’ll just be meeting more people that I’ll annoy the shit out of or who will take advantage of my work#and otherwise treat me like a houseplant#idk I’m just tired and I wish I wasn’t such a fucking buzzkill and I wish it was easy to talk to people#and I wish I never dated my ex and I wish I wasn’t everybody’s last pick#tw vent#raine lives#I usually don’t make this kind of post but I just have nowhere to go and I need to get it out of my head
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
time for another “THANK YOU I LOVE YOU” message: THANK YOU I LOVE YOU!!! i’ve been struggling with some severe burnout in all facets of my life as a result of being too stubborn and prideful to recognize said burnout and so i’ve had a hard few weeks with just that + tumultuous personal life stuff + blah blah blah, and wanted to say THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT! i’m giving a little rest from reviews and art (moreso the former) since i was really forcing myself to make ends meet and turning it into a chore and so i’m just kind of forcing myself to stop and rest and be a person. which is excruciatingly hard for a GO GO GO person like me so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and understanding with that! and thank you for your support!!! i haven’t had the emotional bandwidth to answer asks or DMs lately but i promise i see them and am seriously grateful for everyone who has sent one in, i really want to share the love and get back on my feet and be more active and open and talkative since I LOVE INTERACTING WITH YOU GUYS!! so i just wanted to say thank you for your patience and support in spite of all that. i’m usually my worst enemy in terms of putting the most pressure under myself and buckling under it as a result, i know realistically nobody is sharpening their harpoon gun because i didn’t touch a review for a week. but i wanted to put out a message as a bit of peace of mind regardless 🙏 thank you for your support in any capacity and know that i am extremely grateful for it beyond words!
#just every single aspect of my life has become a chore and obligation and an unhappy one and i thought the solution to that was to force#through it and that is not the case! i hate feeling ‘lazy’ but my body was literally giving out and i still am busy with work obligations so#i can’t afford to have my hobbies and personal life causing that much pain#but rest assured the art and reviews and chatting will pick up! i love them too much to stop and refuse to! that’s why i’m in this scenario#but i just wanted to say thank you and give a bit of an explanation because i would keep agonizing otherwise lol#going through a bit of a transitional period and learning how to care for myself better so i can be more available for friends and acquain#tances. and that includes yinz! thank you for leaving asks and DMs and replies and reblogs i hope it never stops! i want to get more#equipped to answering them#thank you for being here :)
28 notes
·
View notes
Text
five stages of grief but it’s five stages of social anxiety
#walk with me#this morning i got a bouquet delivered to me at work randomly out of nowhere#the note basically said that i could count of the person even if for just some words of advice or a gesture that could make me laugh or mad#count on the person**#i immediately knew it’s from one of my coworkers and ngl i have a very charged?? relationship with them#in the sense that it’s very intense and we can be laughing joking and teasing or we can be really angry and pissed with each other#it can have very extreme emotions even if we just chill most of the time#idk why i think this whole year i’ve been leaning on them more?? and we started texting more often too#so we’ve been more properly friends lately#and for one i was SO EMBARRASSED for getting flowers bc my coworkers tease the shit out of everyone myself included and i’m not used to#gestures like that so obviously they were on my ass all day about it#and everyone asked about them and it’s EMBARRASSING to get that much attention#(me: i wanna be a singer / also me: can’t stand to be the center of attention)#anyway the person that sent them avoided me yesterday out of nowhere??? idk if they thought i was mad bc i didn’t reply to their texts all#weekend but i literally never reply to anyone and pms was a bitch and i just wanted to be alone#so they didn’t talk to me on monday i was mostly just working listening to music bc i was still emotional whatever#and today i did talk to my other coworkers bc it’s the day when my favorite coworker comes in and i talk to them a lot so i engaged more#and they were still ignoring me and then the flowers came in and we didn’t say a single word to each other today we just texted#they told me they sent them and that ‘they forgot’ what they sent and that it was just meant to be a nice gesture#and that bc they wanted to ‘surprise’ me and make me feel better bc i said i was sad at one point?? idek#i literally just want to tell them I HAD PMS ITS FINE I FEEL SUICIDAL ALL THE TIME and move on#bc now i’m second guessing everything they’re saying bc i thought we were friends and there’s no reason why friends can’t send each other#flowers or whatever but they’ve been avoiding me and then they keep answering my texts really weirdly and i always misinterpret flirting bc#i’m never outright romantic with anyone?? plus we’re FRIENDS i should have no reason to think that’s changed#but they’re being so weird and why get me FLOWERS??? idk get me a chocolate or a coffee i don’t NEED flowers#and then i said it was random to give me flowers out of nowhere and they’re like no it’s serious bro what’s serious??????#your feelings towards me?? or just your will to cheer me up???#if they don’t reply straight up in their next texts i’m gonna flat out say but it was a platonic gesture right???#so yeah i’m overthink getting flowers bc what’s the social code for that and what is one supposed to do when they get flowers from a friend#delivered to their joint workplace where everyone can see them and think they’re from a partner or something
21 notes
·
View notes
Text
fanon vs canon is kinda interesting to me bc on one hand, i don’t understand how someone could treat fanon as their “sandbox to play in” when it’s so far removed from any source material that the foundation isn’t solid enough to build on top of. on the other, i feel like it’s the comic reader’s rite of passage to cherrypick and outright ignore certain writing choices
i get that it’s a matter of familiarity and how informed one’s decisions are, but sometimes it feels like canon-based interpretations get treated like fanon anyway, so maybe the true difference is just how annoying it is
#dc#danbles#this is why i can’t tell if i participate in fanon or not#like there are so many characters that have explicitly expressed romantic interest in canon and you could never make me give a fuck#i’ll make anyone aro idc#i can’t keep waiting until i get my phd in every single dc character before i allow myself to make art of them#i don’t even have a phd in one. barry doesn’t count he’s like a friend to me#if comics are constantly evolving then why can’t i#<- affirmations
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#vent post#tw vent#my mom: it’s okay you’re homeless u can come here and have a gentle landing and we can work together to get u and ur fiancé back on ur feet#me: okay great now I can work off my huge overdue queue that I was having panic attacks about daily-#mom: actually fuck u ur a disgrace I need you to clean my whole house every single day and I’m going to knock on ur door every 20 minutes#and disturb ur focus (ik u have adhd it’s stupid just get over it) also ur whole family knows how much of a failure u are and are going to#scream at you on the phone about how you’re not doing anything despite the fact you’ve helped out every time I’ve asked and THEN SOME to#the point of eye exhaustion and shivers and mental breakdowns and then I’m going to forget it ever happened and make you do MORE chores and#yell at u if you say u need to focus again#me: …….. so this is the gentle landing huh?#I’m so fucking exhausted#they keep saying my art doesn’t make money and isn’t a career LITERALLY IT IS HOW DO U THINK I PAID FOR FOOD AND RENT FOR THE LAST 4 YEARS#they keep calling it my ‘little art thing’ and insisting I get a real job WHEN I HAVE ACTUAL PAID COMMISSIONS I HAVE TO WORK ON#I can’t just ignore these and fuck off to answer phones or stock shelves at your friends friends aunts car dealers place fuck OFFFFFF#like being homeless with 4 cats and 6 boxes of belongings isn’t hard enough I have to be fucking berated by people who haven’t tried talking#to me IN MY LIFE EVERRRRRR#fuck off
9 notes
·
View notes
Text
Monday blues are hitting me hard today
#you can ignore this if you want cause im gonna talk a lot of shit and sads and feelings#but as i’ve realised i literally have no one to empty my heart out to irl#and it’s fucking heartbreaking cause i love my friends but I don’t think they love me back#which is an insane though but I genuinely think it’s true like#i moved away 4 ish months ago and i know that communication comes from both side but like i wanted to test smt#so i stopped texting first and guess what?? only 2 friends texted me#1 because she’s genuinely a good friend i think and the other because she needed money (which i gave her like a fucking fool)#my heart just hurts cause i realised i’m not as important to them as they are to me and I’m completely misreading our relationship and#it sucks because I thought they were going to be my friends for life but now they’re all posting recaps of 2023 and im in none of their pics#even in pics where i was present at the time#and i dont know if it’s intentional or if im just being an insecure little bitch but it fucking hurts#i just want to be important to someone#i want to be someone’s person#not a last resort like#they keep doing stuff together which i get like life moves on and i’m the one that left#but not a single text or a pic or a ‘we miss you!’#not even a fucking heart on insta stories#am i being desperate?? or do I actually have shitty friends#like i have impostor syndrome in my own fucking friendgroup???#I can’t just drop them either cause then I’ll actually have no one#idk i must exude some sort of energy#i dont think ive ever had a genuine good best friend like for some reason they leave after 3 years#(and this is why i have trust issues and attachment disorders)#anyway I’ll probably just suck it up and go about my day#ive lived 24 years like this what’s an entire life#it’s wild cause i have a good time whenever i’m with them (i think) and then i leave and it’s crickets#i feel like hired entertainment sometimes#idk my head hurts so I’m probably overthinking but like these feelings come from somewhere right?#i have to stop
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Every single time I rewatch npmd I pick a new character to project onto and make aroace lol. First watch was Jason, second was Richie and third time around was Stacy. Partially because she just has The Vibe (to me anyway) but also because of way overthinking the line: “yeah, money isn’t everything. Looks are!” Maybe she doesn’t feel romantic and sexual attraction but she does feel aesthetic attraction so she just assumes that people date each other because they find each other pretty. Maybe she said it to try and blend in because all of her friends are hung up on looks and always talking about how hot people are and she doesn’t want to be the odd one out. And then the way she gets way more excited/invested talking about the big game coming up than anything else in the conversation and so excited to show Steph their new cheer. It’s almost as if she doesn’t quite understand why being stood up would be so upsetting for Steph because she doesn’t want anyone to take her to Pasqualli’s, she just wants to cheer and have fun with her friends and vibe. Also her and Brenda have had one fight in their whole friendship and it was because she didn’t get why it was such a big deal that Max wouldn’t let her date Kyle. They made up and she admitted she doesn’t like anyone like that and Brenda was just like “okay, cool” and she was so relieved her bestie doesn’t think she’s weird for it.
#nerdy prudes must die#npmd#stacy npmd#also her and Jason are in a qpr but they keep it a secret so Max won’t tell them they can’t be together like he did with Kyle and Brenda#when they made friends with Richie between the Waylon place and the big game he was so excited because he’d never met another aroace person#and he was so happy not to be alone#I am absolutely going to write something about this at some point because I love Stacy and Brenda and I need more content of them#don’t mind me single-handedly starting the aroace Stacy agenda
10 notes
·
View notes
Text
I cannot make this up this shit is so funny to me
#i can’t decide if they knew or not. or which would be funnier.#not a single person made a comment but holy shit#I needed to share this I couldn’t just keep it within my friends#art tag
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
Wait...so remember that episode where Dib is talking to the Tallest on Zim's monitor--do the Tallest understand what he's saying and vise versa? OR did Zim give the Tallest a stack of info on Earth's culture and languages ahead of time and they now of a inkling of a understanding of Earth speak? I know they never had a proper conversation, but that post about irken languages got me thinking about it 🤔
I think it’s funnier if the answer is no. Because despite Dib talking to the Tallest non stop, the Tallest never reply. They just stare at Dib and talk to each other about the size of Dib’s head. So the Tallest are watching this small creature with a massive head excitingly make a bunch of noises at them that they don’t understand in the slightest.
Meanwhile Dib is calling the Tallest alien scum and asking for their planet’s coordinates.
#invader zim#asks#headcanons#dib membrane#I’ve always found that scene hilarious#because one of the first things Dib does when meeting the Tallest is#1. call literal royalty that controls an empire more powerful than anything Dib will ever know alien scum#and 2. demand to know the location of their home planet#like……my guy….#what are you expecting here?#first of all why do you think they’ll tell you especially immediately after you insulted them#and second of all what would you even do with that information?#go to Irk and single handily defeat the empire?#my friend you barely have a functional spaceship and you want to go against the full force of an armada capable of wiping out planets#you already know about the Massive#that on its own should convince you that you can’t just fight the empire one on one#(to Dib’s credit here though I headcanon that the simulation that Zim put Dib in in DWLOD had a lot of differences#meant to keep Dib from learning about irkens and space in general#so in the simulation the massive was a fraction of its real size lacked most of its weaponry and was basically made of tissue paper)#but you still know that the Massive exists and that thing alone could stop you
63 notes
·
View notes
Text
extremely frustrating situation
#overly long winded explanation incoming#so i’m gonna be living with two friends starting this fall#my parents bought a little townhouse and we’re renting from them#so they’re getting all of the paperwork and contracts and leases figured out#and these two friends are just. awful with deadlines. horrific. just the worst.#my dad has been flexible but he’s had to keep nagging them again and again to get these forms signed and whatever#and one of them finally finished the whole process and she’s good to go#but the other one still just needs to get the lease signed/notarized with their dad. like. asap. like within a few days.#and i’m trying my best to be like heyyyy sorryyyy not trying to nag or anything but we do need that ASAP…. it should be quick and easy…#i know you’re working double shifts every single day and your dog just died im so sorry#but my parents say you should be able to just go to the bank during a lunch break to get it notarized…..#please don’t be mad at me or my parents for saying we need this Now…… i’m sorry i know you have a lot going on but we do Need that done#right away….#anyway i don’t want you to be mad at me or think i’m just nagging so here’s a topic change! oh you didn’t respond to the topic change.#fuck me then. god. i can’t tell if you’re mad at me or not but i have the suspicion you Are. and that’s making Me mad at You#like god man just come the fuck on already you’ve missed every other deadline up to this point too. can you please just FUCKING get#everything submitted so we can stop worrying about it and just get excited to live together!! because it’s gonna be fun!!#but it’s worrying me too bc like… if this is how they’re acting before we’re even living together#and they’re missing all of these deadlines#am i gonna have to nag them to pay their rent every month?#it’s just frustrating bc it feels like they’re taking advantage of the fact that it’s my parents and not some other landlord#so they don’t think the deadlines my parents set are like. actual deadlines#meanwhile if it WASNT my parents they’d literally be out of a place to live because the housing market is so fucked there#and if you don’t get everything submitted within The Day then you’re no longer a candidate to rent the place#if you can even get to that point in the first place#so like. my parents are being exceptionally flexible and obv i can’t really know what this friend’s thought process is#but it feels like they’re just kinda taking them for granted and taking advantage of their kindness#like fuck dude just please come on
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
#i do not want to work tomorrow i want to lay in bed and be sad#i’m really realizing how miserable of a person i am i am always fucking Sad and when i do feel happy i cry when it’s over#and i can’t even resemble a human being without medication and i know that’s fine but i’m still always sad. it doesn’t go away#i feel like nobody deserves to have me weighing them down like i’ve cried in front of people three times this week and i know it’s fine#but i feel so fucking guilty about it and i feel guilty about everything i feel like i’m doing nothing right and i’m not dealing with thing#right and i’m not living right and i feel like it must be so fucking difficult to love me and i don’t know how people do it#i don’t even feel capable of asking for. any sort of love ever#i feel like i don’t deserve like anything. i feel like nobody actually wants to do things for me lol#every single dsy i’m like wow i want to be held and every single dsy i feel bad even asking for a hug from someone#when i need reassurance i’m afraid to ask because what if i’m just being annoying and overbearing and too much Bad#i never feel like too much good. only bad.#i know a lot of these shitty thoughts are just because i’ve been unmedicated (meds will be ready tomorrow lol) but it just like#it sucks to know medication just kinda hides these thoughts better and that deep down i feel like this because i don’t want to#i feel like everyone in my life doesn’t deserve someone who doubts everything all the time#i think my mother deserved a stronger daughter and i think my friends deserve someone that’s not always breaking and i just don’t feel Good#i don’t know why anyone keeps me around#sometimes i feel selfish for sticking around and that sounds so awful and i’m not gonna act on it but i just feel like a waste of a person#the last week has been so good and now i’m just a fucking mess and i feel so fucking guilty about that :)#i feel like no matter what i always just default to miserable#i don’t feel like i’m doing enough at all#i’m struggling in school i don’t work enough i can barely take care of myself#like i wouldn’t even properly take care of myself if taylor wasn’t helping me i feel so guilty about that all the time#i feel so guilty for even thinking any of this right now and i’m trying to remind myself that i’m unmedicated and i’ve had a long day#and my best fucking friend just went back home and i’m allowed to be sad about that but i just. feel like i’m making excuses i guess#it’s not immoral to be sad but maybe when i’m wanting to die all the time i’m the problem. idk#anyway i’m gonna go to sleep and i’m gonna try to convince myself tomorrow will be better#sndnsksjkakejdkalwosjhdkwosjdjsk. i will be fine
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
1 note
·
View note
Text
.
#i have a different kind of hate in my heart for white people who still can’t support palestine#can’t do the bare minimum and boycott one single thing#THE BARE FUCKING MINIMUM#like it’s not just white people but i haven’t seen many poc people in my life or online ignoring the genocide the way white ppl are#but unfortunately there are poc who’s the same tho so it’s whatever#idk where i’m going with this like i’m so fucking mad#a man lit himself on fire to protest AND THESE PEOPLE CANT DO THE BARE MINIMUM#and the worst part is this is the SECOND TIME someone did that#the only difference is the second one was filmed#seeing how disconnected ppl are from this is so heartbreaking#also like#the conversations look so different when i’m talking about palestine irl to poc vs someone white cuz holy fuck#maybe i need some better friends tho cuz i got this one friend in particular that keeps sending memes in our palestine gc and i stopped#talking to them but ough i just wanna cut them out of my life cuz of how fucking indifferent they are#anywas#idk this was a weird incoherent vent and as always i hate white ppl
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
🧍♀️,
#where are my FRIENDS#i need human interaction or i will die it is not SUSTAINABLE to be this fucking alone#like i can’t keep getting ignored i can’t keep getting turned down i can’t keep getting not taken seriously#it’s so easy to make really horrible assumptions about people that i love when i just keep getting forgotten about by them#every single person i reach out to doesn’t even RESPOND#anyways#sorry for the tumblr vent im hiding from twitter for reasons related to this LOL
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
i’m glad my brother is happy, but my god he and his gf are so the PDA couple that makes everyone uncomfortable
#🍉 - mello talks too much#i like his girlfriend alot#we r friends#but i fucking can’t stand seeing them interact sometimes#but like how r u going to make out in the next room#when you LITTLE SISTER IS HERE#they do more stuff but i don’t want to talk about it#I HATE PDA COUPLES ‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️#please keep it to urself#i’m begging u#it makes everyone around u uncomfortable#but maybe i’m a bitter single person#my friends and their boyfriends are also like this#and it kills me
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
i never thought I was someone who held onto friends too long while they’re hurting me but DAMN Im just stupid!!!! the pain of not being prioritized. my GOD it’s like I truly believed they’d be there for me through this life transition. and radio silence. my energy has been so unconsciously pessimistic towards friendship the past few months just cus I can’t count on them but they’re saying I can. total mixed signals and I’m like wait there’s literally no reason I have to be friends w them if they make me feel alone and isolated even though we had a good thing going for a while. damn I’m really trying to grow into this new phase im proud of me
#it’s always sad when u feel like somethings ending and it doesn’t have to#like that’s how I feel w this#they put in so little effort now that we don’t live together#it’s sickening#i always thought we were more solid than that#when all it takes is every now and then prioritizing a friendship… and they can’t even do that#obviously that hurts#but I’m over it cus why do I have to beg for scraps of your attention??! like I can live without you and I will the fuck.#you think you’re special enough for me to put up w this like lolol#wake up call for me was reading Reddit posts and other people were like yea my friend had a baby and now she’s just dropped off#I’m sitting there 😀 me and every single one of my friends are childless#like no way am I friends w people who can’t keep a friendship period
3 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
newbornstranger
Sure, why not
pomarancnadeklicaneroli
NEROLI
edwardpostmortem
dreams of a sad boy
men2bloved1
Untitled
neverletitgobabe
Tube Em Forma