#I can't afford to live alone in this economy but I need to. I need to now.

[dirtytransmasc]

the autistic rage that is living with other people, actively waiting to go into a room till everyone's out of the room and doing their own things so you can use the room undisturbed, and the second you walk in there you have seemingly reminded people the room exists as they all need to be in there that very second, literally. everyone could be in there rooms, my grandma could be half asleep watching her soaps, but the second I put my headphones all the way on and start going about washing dishes (I find it relaxing) or fixing a snack, they're all in here

[ageingfangirl2]

You Can't Hurt Me! Haruchiyo Sanzu (Tokyo Revengers)

You work in a coffee shop, another day of being bored and fake smiling at customers, until a pink-haired man comes crashing through the window and meets his match. Sanzu x Reader (Bonten Timeline)

'Only two more hours until I can close this place,' you mutter under your breath, leaning on the counter with your hands on your face.

Your eyes roam lazily over the scattered handful of customers in the coffee shop. A loved-up couple in the corner huddled together whispering and blushing, a few businessmen and women tapping away at their phones, and a wannabe writer who practically lives here. All day everyday just like you, you think gloomily.

Still leaning on one hand, you tap your fingers on your other hand impatiently on the counter, musing over ways you could close the shop early for the day. You had three options that sprung to mind; one, you could make up an excuse about a gas leak since the building down the road had one a month ago, two, act crazy so everyone leaves and you potentially get fired, or three, bide your time patiently so you earn every dime of your paycheck.

You decide on option three, blowing out a loud sigh. You needed the money, you couldn't afford to lose this job in the current economy. Making coffee wasn't your ideal life, the job wasn't that hard, it just got boring in the late afternoon when the crowds thinned and you were left to your own devices.

You pick up the rag over your shoulder, deciding to wipe the counter down one more time when a loud crash startles you and snaps you out of your thoughts.

A man quite literally comes flying through the window, sending glass shards across the room, luckily there were no customers in those window seats. Customers scream in terror, as the man, bloodied and bruised rises to his feet, but unlike everyone else, you weren't terrified because things just got interesting.

As if he knew you were watching him, his eyes snap in your direction, his gaze fierce and piercing. You could see why people would be scared of him because he had interesting scars around his mouth and screamed 'mafia' vibes. But right now all you could think about was how you had another mess to clean up and your boss wasn't going to be happy.

'Will you stop dripping blood all over my clean floors?' you ask, voice monotone as you meet his gaze.

He growls, his voice dark and dripping with menace, 'Excuse me?'

'I just mopped,' you reply, and stand up straight, stretching to work out some kinks in your back from leaning over.

He reaches around his back, pulls a gun from the waistband of his trousers and points it directly at you, a wicked grin creeping onto his lips. At this point what few customers had stayed to gawk flee from the shop leaving the two of you alone.

You stare him down as he chuckles, 'It's just the two of us now.'

You nod, 'Great, I was looking for an excuse to close early.'

His grin wavers. He tries to take a step towards you but staggers backwards, wincing. Whatever fight he'd been in, it was catching up to him, 'quick. Help dress my wounds.'

He waves his gun at you with shaky hands, 'or I'll shoot you dead.'

You clear your throat and raise a single eyebrow, 'only if you ask me nicely sir.'

His eyes widen in shock, probably not used to being spoken back to, 'What did you say?'

You sigh loudly again, imagining being anywhere but here right now, 'did your hearing get damaged when you came crashing through the window?'

'NO!' He snaps.

You motion behind him towards the front door, 'Come on, then. Walk outside, and enter with a better attitude. I'll treat your wounds, but you have to be respectful.'

Confusion, anger and something else flash across his face while you watch him with disinterest.

'Who do you think you are? Telling me what to do,' he waves his gun at you again as he speaks.

Your tiredness turns into anger, 'and who the hell do you think you are? If you don't want to bleed out, you need to...ask...me...nicely.'

He stares at you, his mouth agape, speechless. Then he grits his teeth, 'Fine. Will you please kindly help me with my wounds?'

You smile a little, 'there, was that so hard?'

You pull out the first aid kit from under the counter and walk around the counter holding it in front of you as you carefully approach him. You reach out to pull off his suit jacket, but he flinches away.

'What are you doing?' he gasps.

You roll your eyes, 'I need to be able to see the wounds to treat them.'

He blinks a couple of times, realisation dawning on his face, 'Oh, right...go ahead...'

You extend your hand again slowly as if he were a dangerous animal that might bite. This time he lets you help him out of his jacket which you place over the back of a nearby chair, while he winces.

You let him remove his waistcoat, tie and shirt which was bloodied. It was a lot to take in coming face to face with his bare chest, he was in good physical shape. You'd think he was carved out of stone if it wasn't for the warmth that came off his body reminding you he was human. You quickly tell your brain to get out of the gutter with dirty thoughts, seeing the amount of blood on his chest, there was a lot of it.

The main wound was on his right ribcage, and looked like someone had stabbed him, but he had other cuts and gashes across his arms, and even his face, but some of those could have been from being thrown through a glass window.

You take a deep breath, 'let me guess, I'd hate to see the other guy?'

'Other guys,' he grumbles

You pull out a disinfectant wipe and dab at the cut on his face just to the left of one of his scars.

'FUCK YOU! OW!!!' he shouts.

You pull the wipe back in surrender, 'sorry, sorry,' you mumble, 'I should have warned you that this might sting a little.'

He grunts, and you move back in to dab the cut with a much more gentle touch, 'do you have to?'

You bite your lip, trying to hold back your laughter, he's awfully scared for a tough guy, 'if it gets infected, it's going to hurt a whole lot more.'

You try to quickly clean the smaller cuts and gashes not wanting him to lash out at you because he couldn't handle a little pain. After throwing out the bloody wipes, you unroll the bandage and start to tackle the deeper wound on his ribcage. He grunts and grimaces as you wrap the bandage tighter and tighter around his body.

'You really should go to the hospital, looks like this might need stitches,' you observe, as you wrap, noticing some blood seeping through.

He huffs, 'I couldn't care less about how I look.'

You stop your work and pull back looking at him with your own grin. His perfectly styled pink hair and smart clothes, all screamed I care, 'sure you don't.'

You cut the excess bandage and tape it down, 'how did you get into this mess if you don't mind me asking.'

He eyes you suspiciously, 'what do you care?'

You shrug your shoulders, 'Call me curious. Maybe I'd like to avoid ending up in a similar situation if it isn't safe around here anymore.'

He scoffs, trust me, I don't think you need to worry about that.'

You match his scoff, 'why not?'

He eyes you up and down smirking, 'You don't seem the type to get into trouble.'

You chew your lip, weighing up his words, 'Is that a compliment or an insult?'

He shrugs, 'You decide.'

You smile and puff out your chest proudly, 'compliment then.'

You watch him put his shirt back on along with the waistcoat which he leaves open, before slowly and carefully putting his jacket back on with the tie now in the pocket. When he's done you take a step back and finally take in the messy scene around you, 'now you can help me clean this place up.'

His mouth hangs open, 'you want me to what?'

You motion around you at the broken glass and blood, 'Clean up. Look at the mess you made. I've had a long day...a long week... and an even longer year.'

You slump down into a nearby chair, suddenly feeling the full weight of your exhaustion after the small adrenaline rush.

He shakes his head, 'do you think I care?'

You click your tongue, 'I don't know. I don't care.'

His brows furrow together, 'why aren't you afraid of me?'

You shrug a shoulder, 'I'm too tired to be afraid of you right now.'

He squints at you, curiosity in his eyes, 'You should be terrified of me. You should be begging me to spare your life.'

He prowls towards you, wearing a menacing grin, 'Don't you know who I am? Don't you know who I work for?'

'Enlighten me then,' you reply, back in your monotone voice from before.

His eyes narrow to snake-like slits as he takes in your bored expression, 'I'm one the most powerful and dangerous men you'll ever meet. I'm Haruchiyo Sanzu.'

You blink a couple of times, you couldn't care less who he thought he was, you hadn't heard his name before or even seen him around his area before.

He fingers the gun which was back in his waistband, 'I could hurt you so bad. You'd wish you were dead.'

You roll your eyes which you'd done a lot during this encounter, 'Sanzu, is it? I work in customer service. You can't hurt me in any way that matters.'

He looks frozen, almost like a deer in headlights. You manage to make yourself stand up and take off your apron which had his blood on and fling it on the table ready to call it a night.

'You--You don't--' he stammers, and this time when he eyes you up and down there's something different in his eyes, like he's seeing you for the first time.

You put your hands on your hips, ready to hand back any crap he decided to throw your way, 'What?'

He looks flustered, and he can't stop staring at you so you continue speaking, 'What? Spit it out. I don't have all night.'

As you step around him he manages to speak, 'You look better than this place, that's all. You don't belong here.'

You look down at your feet, suddenly very aware of yourself. You try to keep the heat from showing on your cheeks at his genuine words. He was the first person other than yourself who'd told you that you were better than this place.

'What do you mean by that?' you ask.

'It was meant as a compliment, geeze you're annoying,' he snaps back.

You pout, 'didn't sound like one with your tone is all.'

You flip the sign on the door from 'OPEN' to 'CLOSED' before heading back behind the counter to retrieve the brush and pan along with the mop bucket, ignoring Sanzu, though you could feel his eyes on you.

'Well, uh...I guess I'll be going then,' he says.

You glance over your shoulder at him to see he is checking out the name tag on your apron, '...nice name.'

You slap your hand down on the counter, at least pay for a coffee, you've done enough damage.'

He continues to stare at you with the same shocked expression, that seems to have a begrudging respect undertone, you guess he'd never come across somebody quite like you.

'Okay, fine,' he says calmly, and approaches the counter taking his wallet out of his back pocket instead of the gun.'

'Err...wh-what do you want?' you stutter, not expecting him to take up your offer or even pay.

'Surprise me,' he replies, a lazy smirk on his lips.

He knew he was affecting you, maybe getting the upper hand on you after your attitude towards him earlier. So you decide to make him the simplest drink, not just because you are lazy, but because you think it suits him.

'Double espresso, black,' you call out, putting the drink in front of him.

He picks it up and sips it, his eyes sparkling at you over the cup's rim. He doesn't make any noise of approval or disapproval. Instead, he passes a crisp one hundred across the counter towards you, 'Keep the change.'

You gape at him, staring at the money, as he swiftly finishes the drink and throws the takeaway cup in the bin next to the counter. Wordlessly, he struts out of the shop with his head held high, leaving you with the mess he'd made.

[ceasarslegion]

By the wishes of a few people, here's my advice post about living alone. Keep in mind I'm speaking from the perspective of a canadian urbanite, so this will not apply to absolutely everybody in every kind of culture, economy, living situation, those in rural areas, etc. This also is not assuming wealth disparities are a matter of personal attitude, i KNOW it's complicated. Get back with that shit right now, you know damn well this advice assumes you are able to achieve the financial means to live on your own and is not disparaging anyone who legitimately can't.

Let's cover the basics first.

Source of income:

This seems rather obvious, but your income should be regular and reliably the same or similar on a monthly basis. The most obvious way to achieve this is with a job, and I'm sorry but minimum wage is not going to cut it on your own anymore, which means you're going to have to swallow your pride and accept that you'll likely have to work for some industry or corporation with a dodgy moral record. Get used to it. There is no point in self-flagellation, the world is complicated, just take the 50-60k a year office job, no one actually expects you not to and nobody will hold it against you when the "moral" option is soul-crushing retail. The real world really doesn't give a shit what you have to do to afford a comfortable lifestyle as long as you do what good you can within your abilities, no one in the real world expects you to sacrifice your own wellbeing for a cause.

Salaried positions are your most reliable because you'll always pull the same amount, while hourly pay comes with the ability to pull overtime pay in exchange for more shifts, but if you run out of sick days you'll have to spend the rest of the year taking unpaid time off when you need to call in. Whichever one you choose depends on what's available to you and what's right for you physically and mentally, I can't make that call for you.

You also need a credit card. That is non-negotiable. If you don't have a credit score, you can't sign a lease. Bad credit is better than no credit. We can argue until the cows come home whether or not credit scores are good or bad, but it's just reality that you're going to need one. The good news is it's fairly easy to build credit from no credit: you just have to pay off your credit card in full on time every time. The bad news is it's equally as easy to tank your credit score, you just have to miss one or pay it too late, and it's very hard to build good credit back from bad credit. So don't see it as free money, only spend as much as you can pay back, and if you don't have credit right now, start with small things like lunch and little treats that you immediately pay off.

Looking for a place to live:

Once you have your regular and reliable source of income, you can start looking for your place. There's a few things you should keep in mind:

-Draw up a budget for how much you can spend on rent and bills. That includes all basic living expenses: rent, utilities, food, internet, phone, hygiene. Compare how much you make per month to what you can spend. 1/3 to 1/2 of your salary is a bit more realistic to expect to spend on rent alone nowadays, so work within that range when you apartment hunt. Think of everything when you're budgeting, like how much do you spend on haircuts per month? You probably didn't think of that, because I didn't either at first.

-Apartment buildings with some/all utilities included often have higher base rents. You have to keep in mind that this is so the landlord can balance out the utility bills of the whole building, which are unpredictable expenses and on them to pay every month. If you don't know how to budget yet or don't know how to do so with unpredictable bills, I highly recommend trying to find a place with utilities included so you know EXACTLY how much you'll need to pay every month and can plan in advance

-Older buildings tend to be both cheaper and more likely to have centralized utility systems, which means they have to include it in the price of rent because there's no way to tell who used how much of something. If it's your first place alone, you'll probably be tempted to get the brand new, expensive building down the road, but it won't actually make much of a difference when you move in. You will love it regardless.

-Never ever sign a lease until you've either seen THE unit you're considering, or one of the show units that is exactly the same layout. The last thing you want is to go off online photos only to move in and find out the building has a mold problem. You can arrange personal tours by contacting the building manager or the landlord directly. Phone calls are the best way to do this.

-If you want the unit after seeing it, you know you can afford it, there's nothing funny about the place, apply IMMEDIATELY. Places are usually on the market for a few days before they're snapped up by a new tenant, you have to strike while the iron's hot.

-If you've decided on the place you want and had your application accepted, read the lease carefully before you sign. Many places require tenant insurance that meet specific policy requirements, have registration rules about long-term guests, outline how the parking works, quiet hours, smoking rules, mail, laundry, all the way down to what kind of barbecues are allowed on your deck in the case of mine (I am in a wildfire danger zone, so any types that produce embers are strictly prohibited for fire safety reasons). Ask any question that comes to mind about the lease. Not everything in a lease is some human rights violation just because you don't like landlords, keep in mind you're living in the same building as dozens of other people, so there has to be ground rules established for everyone's sanity.

-Internet is often not considered a utility so you'll have a hard time finding any place that includes it. You can arrange to have your wifi set up in advance of a moving date on a specific time and date, do this right after you sign a lease so you don't forget. They won't charge you until you're actually hooked up to the network.

-If your utilities are NOT included, get those set up in advance too. The main ones are HVAC, water, and electricity. The companies that do this vary depending on where you live and what's available, so shop around online once you've signed your lease and sign up as soon as possible. The last thing you want is to forget this and then move into a dark freezing apartment with no water.

Budgeting:

After your living expenses are covered, you should have a comfortable amount of financial wiggle room leftover. If you wouldn't, the place you're looking at is either too expensive, or you're being overcharged elsewhere. It's completely normal for living expenses to take up most of your budget these days, you're doing just fine in the same boat as everybody else if that's the case, so don't panic yet. If you have absolutely NOTHING leftover though, then you're out of your price range.

You also need to set money aside for fun and saving. Do not forego fun money, your brain will try to kill you with hammers and knives if you never get or do things for yourself. And if you're on your own, you're the only one providing that for yourself now. And a solid building base of savings will only help you in the future, whether you lose your job, have an emergency, or even need a down payment on a house later in life. Don't be a doomer about your circumstances or the socioeconomic and generational cards that were dealt to you, chip away at it a little at a time. And don't fall for social media's insistence that anybody with anything at all is some bourgeois degenerate or that being fortunate enough to be able to have upward mobility makes you some ultra wealthy shithead, working towards a comfortable standard of living for yourself does not make you a rich elite or a bad person. You're working towards the standard we should all live as, not exploiting the poor or being a class traitor. I feel the need to add that last part since we're on the website of "struggling art students in NYC are bourgeois that are just bad with money and having a gaming computer makes you upper middle class." Don't listen to a word any of those people say, I know it comes from a place of very real hurt and pain for them but that doesn't make it grounded in absolute reality for absolutely everybody.

Social needs:

If you're by yourself, there's gonna be a lot more work you have to put in for your social and entertainment needs. I can not stress enough how important it is to give this the time and work it needs, do not neglect this.

Lots of libraries have clubs you can join that will get you out of the house and meeting new people regularly. They're either free or very inexpensive. This is a great place to start.

Take advantage of technology we have now. Hop on discord calls more frequently, make sure you're talking to your friends on the regular and try to make plans as much as you can.

Also, I advise finding lots of things you can do by yourself. You will be spending way more time alone than you ever have before, so find single-person hobbies. Go thrifting, get into knitting, go explore the city, read lots of books, do puzzles, just don't lock yourself inside all day in your free time. Even if you're doing it alone, going out and seeing that the world is bigger than your apartment and your workplace is very good for you.

Misc advice:

You don't need a conventional coffee pot maker. Single serving will suit you just fine.

Cleaning is easier when you have a routine. It doesn't all have to be done on the same day of the week, but having a regular schedule of what gets cleaned when for non-daily chores will help you keep on top of it. And please, god, don't neglect your cleaning and hygiene just because no one lives with you to see it. On that note, spray bottle all purpose cleaners are your best friend for daily spot cleaning and you should deep clean your washroom around every 2 weeks in my experience since that's where you'll be doing most of your personal hygiene. Also make your damn bed, yes you'll just get back into it at the end of the day but having a major part of your space neat and tidy will do wonders for your mental health.

Don't buy the cheap garbage bags. Some things you really do want the expensive shit for.

If you don't have a car, delivery service/rideshare subscriptions ARE worth it and legitimately economical in the long run. I do wanna circle back to square one and say that yes, most of them like prime and uber do have dodgy moral records, but sometimes you just gotta swallow your pride and accept that. Once again, no one in the real world expects you to spend your entire day on public transit looking for toilet paper that isnt 30 dollars a pack or lugging 50 pounds of groceries back on a bus just for a cause. It's not the fault of someone who needs these services for their quality of life that they do the things they do, don't put that responsibility on your or other's shoulders when the fault lies at the top of the corporate ladder.

When you're budgeting for living expenses, expect your income to be at the lowest and your expenses to be at the highest. I expect 2 call ins per month and to need to spend the max amount i have on groceries every time, that way I never fall short and never have to cut into my savings that I've dubbed my "oh shit, I'm broke" money. Your emergency reserve may look tempting to you, but as someone who has been in a position where they had to drain it to nothing in the past because of an unforeseen financial emergency, you REALLY are gonna want that untouched if and when shit hits the fan. Life is unpredictable, prepare to roll with the punches so they don't knock you out.

A few people wanted to be tagged in this, so here you go @lilsnatch and @kisstheashes <3

[nananarc]

Gonna disclose my income as a freelance artist because I feel like it might give some perspective. And mostly bc I'm feeling a bit burnout and I want pity points ok? Lol.

Context 1: For sake of simplicity, all figures are net income (minused all fees, charges, insurance, benefits, etc)

Context 2: I live in a big city in Việt Nam and the cost of living is relatively low. A salary of 1000$/month is considered really good for someone living alone with one pet, no family or children, no debt or other liabilities. Entry level jobs usually start at around 200-300$/month.

.

Let's start in 2021 because that's when it can be considered when I started doing art professionally.

In 2021 and 2022, I was juggling between art school, a part-time online side gig, building social media for my art, and of course try to get commissions. But coms were few and far between, mainly because I didn't have an online present before and I only hang in relatively small fandoms. So all I earn through side gig and art were only some change, in total avarage to about 40$/ month. Some months made up for no income months.

In 2023, things starts to be a bit better as I get more confident in my skill, but coms are still few and far between and months with no income is still common. Side gig was few and far between too and pay less. Overall I'd say it goes up to about 80$/month.

This year 2024, art school is done, I can finally do art full time. But I was severely burnout because all the accumulated stress since waaaaay before catch up with me and i couldn't cope anymore. I have to spend a lot of time resting instead. Fortunately, I received a decent amount of coms each month, and the new patreon surprisingly got a few supporters (I fully realistically expected it to sit at 0 for at least a year). Overall, I have an 8 hours 4 days work week: 4 hours a day on com and managing social media and other stuff that actually makes money; 4 hours a day on my own projects and personal indulgence that doesn't directly make money. As of now, my income is about 180$/month.

.

You are probably wondering how the fuck do one live like this in this economy.

It's because my family is middle class and can afford a freeloader like me in their house, receive their pocket money and tuition fee. I'm privileged.

But of course my family isn't rich and if just one catastrophic event happens to us, we'd be in bad shit. I'm constantly in anxiety of money, work, and the future. It doesn't help that I'm late 20s and many people around keep reminding of how I'm not making money yet still leeching off parents. It doesn't help that, for years all i hear about art is it will just lead to failure and no money.

.

But still, I am thankful of my family for letting me stay here. And all my friends and supporters for giving me money oc lol, but more importantly, believing in me more than I ever do in myself. I read all of your little tags, your keysmash and compliments, and I keep them all dear to my heart, and I went back to them everytime I need motivation. I can't see where my future as an artist will be, but I cling to your support and love as the will to keep going. Thank you all so, so fucking much. I'd have been literally dead in a ditch somewhere without you guys.

Anyway, idk, I've always been adamant about wage transparency (especially in a corporate setting) but I rarely see this in freelance artists. except to flex, to promote the hustle culture, or to sell some courses they made. Most of us don't want/can't subscribe to the grind and have nothing to flex either. All we have is this shit economy. I'd wish we could have been more open about this and many of us wouldn't have to feel so lonely and despair all the time.

[liar-remastered-2011]

just got into an IRL argument about whether or not it's okay to tax the rich more, and i guess i forgot there's still people out there who genuinely think billionaires worked hard for their money, so here's some unfriendly reminders:

billionaires do not work hard for their money. they force people like you and i to do their work and then take the money we make.

if you are two missed paychecks away from your life falling apart, you are lower class

if you barely/can't afford your bills on a regular basis, you are lower class

in america, if someone living alone makes less than ~12k a year, they are living in poverty

if a family of four makes less than a collective ~28k, they are living in poverty

working three jobs up until the day you die is not success

there is no such thing as equal opportunity. if you're born in a small town, if your family doesn't support you, if you have any sort of disability -- there's a million things that could happen to you that ruin your chances of success.

nobody wants to be poor. nobody intentionally makes themself poor.

generally, you stay in the class you're born in

if someone is struggling with addiction or poor spending habits, they need help, not to slowly rot away in the streets

it is billionaires job to fix the economy, they're the ones that ruined it

sure, maybe your grandpa makes 60k a year and genuinely worked hard to get where he is, but he is not rich. he is not a billionaire. we are not talking about him.

your grandpa lived in a different time period than we do. it was easier to lift yourself out of poverty when the richest guy you knew had maybe 10k worth in assets.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for insisting my husband's online friend sign some sort of lease or contract for moving into our house?

So my husband has a friend from a MMO that he met like 5 years ago. This guy moved across the country to get away from his toxic family and live with his partner there. This partner left him earlier this summer, shouldering him with the full financial responsibility for the apartment they used to share, which he could not afford alone. When he heard about this, my husband offered to help, because the friend doesn't have any closer connections and really doesn't want to return to his toxic family, if they'd even have him back. A couple years ago my husband and I bought a house, and it has a guest bedroom, and my husband offered it to him without asking me first. "If you can't find somewhere affordable in time let me know." He did tell me almost immediately afterwards, though. It's his nature to offer help when he has the means to do so, whether it's a friend or a stranger in the Walmart parking lot who needs their engine jumpstarted. I love that about him, but I feel like it's gone a bit far this time.

I've only spoken to this guy myself a couple times when I still played this MMO. We don't know what he looks like, and my husband only just recently learned his real name (he never felt the need to ask before.) But my husband trusts him, and I want to trust my husband. I still have my reservations, though, because I don't know him, and also because after years of living in crappy apartments and with crappy roommates, I highly valued finally having our own private home, where we can be as indiscreet as we like, stay up as late as we want on our days off, and have a place for our friends to crash for the couple nights a year when we can actually get together and get real drunk. But despite all this, I told my husband ok, as long as it's only temporary, and only if he doesn't find any other option before he has to vacate his current apartment. Because I didn't want to be the reason that someone my husband considers a friend to be homeless, or back with an abusive family. There is a verbal agreement/understanding that the friend needs to find a job here ASAP, start paying rent once he has a paycheck, and be looking for a place of his own while he's here.

Well, his friend wasn't able to find anything else, and my husband has already bought a plane ticket for him, and one box of his things has already arrived at our house in advance of his arrival, so it's too late to rescind the offer. I spoke to my mom and mother-in-law about it and they are EXTREMELY skeptical, being older people and all and not really understanding the idea of internet friendships. But after talking to them, I'm more anxious about this than I initially realized. Moms and I floated the idea of drafting some kind of contract or rent agreement or something, so that we have some sort of recourse if this person isn't trustworthy or things go pear shaped. But my husband insisted it isn't necessary to go that far, that this will definitely be a short term thing, but in this economy I really doubt that.

I know now I should've pressed the issue earlier. If I pushed against it hard enough I think my husband would have dropped it. But I also genuinely don't want to be the reason this guy's homeless. It's entirely possible he's a perfectly trustworthy guy and is as nice in person has he has been online. I thought a written agreement would be a fitting compromise since it's definitely too late to pull back without being the asshole for sure, but I want some measure of protection. I'd do some legal research first to make sure it's done correctly. But WIBTA if I insisted on that? what would tumblr do?

What are these acronyms?

[phoenixyfriend]

I think one of the things that makes it possibly not... super clear why I'm so anxious about finding a job that pays enough. So uh. Here's the thing.

"In December 2022, 51% of people who earn more than $100,000 reported living paycheck to paycheck. [...] After taxes and adjusted for cost of living, $100,000 amounts to just $35,791 in New York, New York." - Time Magazine

Now... a lot of these people probably have dependents. Some are probably paying off student debt. Some may have medical debt. There are lot of reasons for a person to be living paycheck to paycheck.

But to pay off a most basic apartment in an outer borough, utilities, insurance, transportation, all taxes, and food, a touch of medical or dental, basic hygiene needs, the occasional treat? I need a 70k salary.

I could sell my car, in theory; the transit infrastructure is good enough, if I find a place near a subway station, even if I cannot do anything without it where I am now. I could get a roommate in a 2b instead of going solo in a 1b. I could live in the spare room of my parents' friends, even though I know from a friend that it's suboptimal. There are ways to make this work, obviously. There are people who make this work, millions of people in NYC who have been doing this for generations, and I am willing to compromise the way so many people do, sure, but...

Well, I'm bad at people. Getting a romantic partner isn't in the cards, really, and finding a roommate online is theoretically possible but fills me with anxiety to think about. It sucks that the rent is such that I have to. That health insurance is such that I have to. That I can't reasonably think about grad school until I've stockpiled some savings up again, just in case there's an emergency, because of the aforementioned health insurance situation.

People do it, sure, but there is not a single county in the entire United State where the minimum wage is enough for a single adult to live alone in an apartment. That's not really okay. Why should so many of us have to give up the most basic and affordable of luxuries because the economy favors those who came from wealth?

NYC might have a higher minimum wage than most, but a $15/hr minimum wage still doesn't mean much when the living wage is $25/hr for a single adult with no dependents.

(Did you know, the advice used to be that your rent should be no more than 20% of your income?)

IDK where I'm going with this. It's not a situation with an easy answer, and I'm not in a place to change anything directly. All I can do is keep looking for a job that pays me enough to survive, find someone I don't think is going to be a horrible roommate... or look into doing Chicago instead of NYC, I guess.

I just know that I can't stay in the suburbs forever. This place is killing me.

[whitehairedanimeboyfriend]

This is a hard thing to talk about but the housing crisis causes such a huge impact on people that are unpleasant to live with. "Just live with other people" Yeah I tried that and it destroys my friendships even when I'm putting a lot of effort into being better.

Like I can make and keep friends. I'm personable and friendly enough but in my own home when I'm unmasked Im quiet sometimes even sullen and awkward and intimidating and I have difficulty keeping track of things around the home. This makes for someone who isn't the greatest roommate to have and in an economy where I can't afford to live alone that means my housing is extremely unstable.

I've lived with strangers, acquainteces, my best friend. It never works out for me and I've been trying to change for years. I'm someone that needs to live alone.

[aludraslytherin]

Why the fuck.

Why the fuck did we complicated soo much our lives? Why have we created societies, why have we created money, work, the "living earning dying", the taxes, the "men are better then women just because they have dicks and can't bear literal life", why have we done all of that ?

We can live. We are alive! This is such a precious gift to be here, on Earth, where there is nothern lights, and stars, where there are forests, and mountains, and the sea!

We have cats, we have the flowers, and bees!

Why have we done this to ourselves? Why have we stuck ourselves with the economy, with letting white dying men controlling every thing all while destroying the beauty of what makes living a good things?

Why have we created all of this?

What's even the point? We could have been all happy, all equal, we could have done so many precious things, things could have been as easy as "you like to create wooden statues? Then do it! Oh you, you love taking care of plants and flowers, okay, go on!"

But now we have to spend 15 years minimum at school, with minimum Sun exposition, something that is a necessity for Vitamin D, having to sit down all day, in silence, while wrinting down things, that for the most of it, will be completely useless in our future, just to then either, killing ouselves with work, or doing some other years of studying, and, in some country, this simple thing can endebt families for 40+ years, and all of this, just to do a job that you will hate, that will make you depressed, and you'll have to work you arse off just to make the barely minimum to live, if you are even lucky enough just to actully do it.

People have to work three job just to able to afford rent and food, when 40 years ago, one job, a few month of money set aside and you could buy a nice house.

Why have we done this to ourselves?

What's the point? Depression, anxiety, su!c!d3, all of these are happening a lot more than before, children are killed going to school, people fights and have wars over the way of worshipping the same god, people are massacred because they are in love, and other for being who they really are.

There are more slaves in today's world then it ever had in the whole history, even back when it was legal. Children are left to die in the street, and are easily kidnapped into something that no one, let alone a child that can't even comprehend what is happing, should live.

All of this for what? For something as ridiculous and useless as money!! People are starving, people are dying, people are sick because of this world and because of money.

Corporations are getting you sick, just so you can buy medicine that will heal the thing you need healing all while it's destroying another part of your body. Because sick people spends more money.

Why have we done all of this... And after that people still wonder why am I depressed at barely 18, people still wonder why do I want to disapear. Us teenagers are aware of that. The adults are just brainwashed into thinking this is normal. And they are trying to brainwash us into thinking it's normal.

When it's really not.

Thanks to every one who read the whole thing.

[pebblysand]

🎲🪐☁️ for the writer's game. ty for sharing your work, it's gorgeous.

hello! see, all i apparently needed to get the castles juices going yesterday was to ask for a distraction, because i ended up writing anyway, haha. but now, i'm here! 🥳

🎲 ⇢ what stops you from writing more in your free time? 

i mean, life? i suppose i know that generally, i'm a lot more productive, writing-wise, if i write in large chunks of time. i find it very hard to dip in and out for 15/20 minutes like so many people do. it takes me a lot of time to "warm up" and get the juices going, and then when i do, i don't want to stop.

so, typically, i won't write unless i have at least 4 hours of uninterrupted time ahead of me, which obviously reduces my writing opportunities a lot. this generally means that i can only really write at the weekends. 1) because that's when i have the most uninterrupted "free" time and 2) because that's also when i'll have the most energy. i have the "disadvantage" that both my day job and writing are tasks that are "brainy" and require me to sit in front of a computer at home, at my desk. i guess maybe switching between the two is different if you have a more physical job (where the tasks are very different so maybe it's easier to feel the split between the two) but for me, if i wrote after work in the evenings, i wouldn't even move, i'd just have to switch out computers. it's a bit depressing and honestly my brain is tired, so i'd rather do something else.

now, that doesn't mean that i can't do write-y things after work. sometimes, i'll edit. sometimes, i'll answer anons or hang out on discord. but i don't write-write.

and then i guess, the rest of it is like: lack of inspiration, wanting to see friends, family, traveling, life-admin things, etc. i'm "lucky" in that i live alone and don't have dependents so i can afford right now to put quite a big amount of free time into writing, which wasn't always the case in the past.

🪐 ⇢ name three good things going on in your life right now

my health, my god, my country? 🇺🇸🤣 is that what americans say? nah, honestly man, idk, we're on a burning floating rock right now and i'm not finding anything very uplifting. on a micro level, i am very grateful for my, my friends, and my family's health, i'm happy that i'm going to be finished with castles soon and excited for you guys to read it, and for having a job in this economy.

☁️ ⇢ what made you choose your username?

i feel like i've answered this before but i come from a place where the beach has pebbles, and i now live in a place where it has sand. it's not that #deep 😅.

.

thank you for your questions! if you want to send me more, here's the post!

[harway]

I just need an outlet to talk about what's going on in my life.

TL;DR I don't get paid enough for what's being asked of me. (I do not work in retail or customer service.)

I work remotely for a start-up company as a(n executive) production assistant where currently—on verbal agreement—I work 20 hours a week for $15 an hour. Reality is that I actually work closer to 40 hours a week, but I don't charge the full time I work because the agreement was 20 hours.

Me working overtime is my choice, and not the responsibity of the company. Because it's a start-up I also know budget is tough and I still want the company to be successful. Currently, I am able to afford being underpaid because I have a very secure living situation; I am living rent and bill free.

However.....

My boss currently works two jobs. The first is teaching at a college, and the second is working on the business side of the start-up company. He wants me to move across the country for $45,000 a year (without moving assistance), and also got me part time job adjunct teaching for me that would help him with his teaching workload and give me a boost of income (another $7,600 a year).

As everyone is probably aware, the economy is really tough and rent is rising along with the price of everything else. I don't currently have a car either. To move alone would cost a lot and that's not enough to live comfortably. Even if I'm being paid dirt now, at least I'm comfortable and secure; moving cross-country is a big life change for a lot of risk since the company is in baby stages.

Regardless of it being on-paper as a bad decision, I want to move because I want to help the success of the company, and I'm told that being in-person will help the success at the company. I don't want to move down if I don't have a contract as assurance that I will be $45,000 a year though.

My contract has been talked about for the last two months, but never signed. For the adjunct teaching position I'm expected to be there on August 21st—in 9 days. I'm told that if I cancel the teaching job, I'm burning a bridge with that college and losing a lot of opportunities. I can't afford to live in that city without that teaching job, and I can't afford to live there solely on the teaching job either. Going down to that city on my own is an extremely big risk. At the very least, I don't want to move without my contract.

My boss hasn't done anything with giving me one when I was supposed to hear about it July 10th. I know he's busy, and if I bug him, he might get frustrated at me for it, or it may stress him and that's not good for the good of the company if his production suffers more. He refuses to leave his main teaching job for the good company though.

I brought a friend into the company to help them with the production of a project. It lessens the dress on my boss, and my friend is wanted in-person as well eventually, but not as soon as me. In order to make my move work, I have asked him to move with me, and his girlfriend is also coming. My best friend is also coming down so that together, the four of us can lessen all of our costs to live comfortably between a combined housemate income of $97,600 per year.

Reasonably though, I have no right to ask three others to uproot their lives so I can make my main job work. So I can be comfortable. Even if they agree, it doesn't change reality—that it is truly an unreasonable request for a job that is visibly unstable. It is a lot of stress.

I have tried to talk to my boss to renegotiate my salary, but it isn't in the budget. I've talked to his wife who also works for the company, about how I'm concerned about the move, and she said it was a good deal and is excited to have me down there. I can't move without a contract still...

As a result of the close wire waiting for this contract, I might just have to cancel the part-time teaching job. I don't have an apartment lined up even if I go down since it's such short notice. Driving there will take 5 days too. (Moving diagonally across the United States.) I'm extremely stressed about the whole situation.

I got an email from one of my future teaching coworkers asking if I needed help. I responded to her informing her in a straight forward way that I'm waiting on a contract for my main job and it isn't paying me as much as I had hoped. I'm doing my best to make it work, and still planning to be down there in less than 2 weeks.

I think she talked to my boss because my boss called me today and gave me a (gentle) scolding about not to let my stress leak to people, that there is a time and a place. If I let my stress leak out, people may view me negatively, or it'll negatively affect the team.

I only mentioned what was going on because then if I can't go through with the adjunct teaching job, it's not a complete blindside. The teaching job also knows it doesn't pay well since the head of the department has asked me multiple times if I knew what the pay was.

Ultimately, this position that I'm in is because my boss didn't get me my contract in a timely manner. I've tried to express my stress to him but he doesn't understand it even though it's his fault. I even started crying in the call today with him because of how much I'm reaching wit's end about the situation.

I'm risking my mental health, asking three others to uproot their lives, and already doing more work than I'm paid for. Also, even if I move there, I'm actually working three jobs, because I'm also running a freelance project for my boss on the side as well. For that entire project, it's a flat rate of $2,500 for the entire project, which I am also doing two people's jobs for.

With all of this, I'm reaching the point of becoming inconsolable. The deal is bad, but I feel trapped in it, because my industry has such low job availability right now and it's highly competitive. It's just such a difficult situation and I'm deteriorating fast...

I don't even think my boss understands how much he's taking advantage of me. I want to trust him. I want the company to do well, but he is asking me to give him everything I can and more—what I can also ask of others. I still like my boss as a person, but the situation feels like it's becoming too much now.

[sevenhundred721]

Do you think there's discourse on Cybertron amongst bots pro-capitalist enough to believe in monetizing basic needs, but anti-capitalist enough to want some degree of equity, about energon portion sizes and the costs?

Like, "One serving of energon for a tank may be more than for a scooter, but the price should be the same. After all, it shouldn't cost more for somebody else to live just because they're bigger."

"Well then, what would stop a larger bot from bulk buying energon and then reselling it? What would stop the surely vast and varying methods people would use to defraud the good people selling the energon? Nobody deserves to starve, but some attempts at helping people by providing resources in good faith will just result in generous bots left with nothing."

"So you'd just leave more energon inefficient bots to starve? We need some infrastructure in place to support those who can't afford the sheer volume of energon they need to consume to continue functioning."

"We could always tax more fuel efficient bots I guess."

"So you just want everybody to be at risk of starvation?"

"Are we not already? We're in the middle of a shortage. Probably the worst one ever. The high prices aren't just for the fun of it. It's not just out of greed. You really would suggest that 5 gallons and 50 gallons of energon would cost the same amount? In this economy? That's a terrible idea and you have to know that."

"Just."

"What?"

"You said it's not just greed."

"Oh no, are we playing semantics? Fine, it's not greed."

"No, you don't get to take it back! You said it's not just greed, you know, on some level, that it's greed!"

"That is the opposite of the sentiment I was attempting to express."

Or something. I don't fucking know. I just know some people would be so annoying about the energon crisis. (Pure cope bc the energon crisis barely acknowledged, let alone discussed, in IDW1 despite being literally at the center of the final big bad's motives.)

[valaglarios]

rough drifter timeline/Fun Facts post about them and also a link compilation for myself so i can keep my inane thoughts about them in one place

the "original" drifter/alternate universe operator died on the zariman. drifter as we see them in duviri is a figment of their imagination borne out of their desire that they were strong enough to protect their loved ones on the zariman, which they then projected onto the "hero" from the actual tales of duviri book. more on that here, in the last pargraph; here; and here

drifter comes into existence and the inner conflict between their partial identity as both an extension of a real person and as a storybook character means that they have a huge identity crisis. having no memory of what their "place" in duviri is or where in the "real world" they came from, they just kind of start to ignore/block out all the freaky "dreams"/memories they have but can't make sense of. their identity as a "real" person sort of melts away and they become a living archetype like other duviri characters. thrax, absolutely shit scared of them discovering that they're The Hero who's supposed to "save" duviri from him, takes advantage of this to be like "don't you remember?? you're one of my courtiers!! haha please don't usurp me"

i think brimon still exists in this version of duviri -- there's no reason why there can't be more than one avatar of pride -- but where brimon embodies the sort of surface-level pride where, like, yeah he's a braggart and kind of obnoxious but that's really it, drifter is, as The Hero, that sort of "heroic" pride that's actually really isolating and self-destructive. they don't necessarily view themself as being above or inherently better than others -- instead they're an avid perfectionist, every little mistake they make eats away at them, they're adamant about doing everything Alone and they will refuse any semblance of help if it means literal death. this is what keeps them from accepting teshin's help for a long time, and finally learning that they do actually do need help and that they're not Bad for it is the first step in helping them break their spiral and become capable of growth

they're aware that it's weird that they're not blue (da ba dee) and will hide it while in public with makeup/just keeping their skin covered but they aren't remotely inclined to examine Why they're so weird. thrax uses this to emphasize that they need to stick together bc they're both weirdos

thrax in general is desperate to have drifter stick with him because 1) He Needs Control and knows that if anyone can take that from him, it's them, and 2) he recognizes that they're opposite sides of the same coin, that they're both extensions of the child who died on the zariman, and they're the only person he has left that he feels he can actually trust and relate to. i've discussed before that i think he feels responsible for drifter's happiness -- he's The Inner Child to drifter's Maladjusted Adult, he's the embodiment of the coping mechanisms they formed as a scared kid, and the idea of not being able to keep drifter happy, that they don't need him anymore and would do better without him, scares the fuck out of him. maybe i'll compile that whole rant in another post lol

also this

so thrax affords drifter a lot of dignity that he doesn't really give his other courtiers. he views them as more or less an equal while he considers the other courtiers as clearly beneath him/them.

drifter's role is basically to be his PR agent. this isn't explored a lot in canon, but i do envision that most of the courtiers had/have roles beyond just entertaining thrax: lodun, of course, is in charge of duviri's military force & is basically a cop; mathila, in this duviri, is his advisor for "peasant business" (keeps tabs on her island's trade & economy/crop yields/use of the land, organizes their tribute, etc); and drifter is a spy of sorts who does a number of odd jobs like political assassinations, doing a lot of propaganda work/damage control for thrax, stemming discontent among the peasantry before lodun has to come in and put the boot down, stuff like that. they're also sort of a supervisor to the other courtiers and keeps them all on track, enforces deadlines, etc.

i think drifter thinks that they're genuinely Doing Good in their job. at the end of the day, they're an embodiment of pride, and they're not going to admit to potentially being wrong easily. i think their rationale is that they do a lot of "little" harms (poisoning one or two malcontents) to prevent "big" harms from happening (thrax getting pissed and sending a wyrm in to destroy an entire island and everyone on it). i think they have a lot of love for the kingdom and believe that thrax does too. also, like, who else could they possibly install as monarch??? lodun??? absolutely fucking not.

i talked about this extensively in another post but drifter Does Not Fucking Like lodun. however they do end up befriending mathila, who is the only person in all of duviri who tolerates lodun, and i'm obsessed with the idea of mathila scruffing them both like they're kittens and putting them in a room together and telling them that they have to get along now Or Else.

and it works.

pretty much everything that happens in-game still applies to them... i haven't sorted out the rest of the stuff that leads up to the duviri paradox but obviously at some point they find out that thrax has been lying to them about Everything the whole time and they're like "hey what the fuck dude" and ditch him, and after a lot of bargaining to try to get them back thrax gets pissed and starts hunting them down. etc etc etc.

i think they probably actually spend a lot of time in duviri after the events of paradox bc like... that's their home and also they recognize that they owe it to the citizens to help build a better place to live, and help thrax grow, etc. a bit on that here

idc what DE says, drifter adopts thrax with their wife hombask and everyone in duviri gets to come live on the zariman before the void consumes them all and they all live happily ever after

a lil more about drifter and hombask here and here

[gaast]

To say that Democrats' politics over the last few decades was completely divorced from the country's harsh rightward turn is to be ignorant at best and lying at worst.

When Obama was elected with a popular mandate to right the economy and bring justice to everyone who was harmed by the 2008 financial crisis, he used it instead to pass legislation that authorized Reagan-era trickle-down economics by giving huge payouts of public dollars to the very C-suite criminals who had just put so many people out of work, out of their homes, and out of their futures. He allowed Wall Street lobbyists to guide the direction of the legislation that was written in the wake of the financial crisis, and everybody watched it happen in real time. America limped towards recovery thanks to the billions of dollars used to help it recover--money taken, again, from taxpayers--went into the pockets of the obscenely wealthy.

Following that, charged with a completely dogshit health care system, Obama's signature legislation, dubbed Obamacare, forced people onto expensive marketplace plans that often offered minimum (read: inadequate) coverage. Rather than use their mandate to reshape the health care system based on models provided by Canada, Finland, or the UK, Democrats decided the better option would be to leave the system fundamentally undisturbed, except now if you don't get on your employer's plan, you can lose all the money you don't have on absurd premiums for health care you still can't afford.

Meanwhile, the Ferguson protests made all the more salient the fact that structural racism is alive and well in America. As countless people filled the streets to face an overmilitarized police force, the Democrats went to bat for the police, as they always do, wagging their fingers at the people who just want to not get murdered--or to at least see their murderers punished when they do get murdered. By failing to meaningfully address people's grievances over this issue, the Democrats ensured that more protests would erupt, guaranteeing condescending news coverage from a media environment that always kisses the rings of both the government and its police. Allowing these for-profit enterprises to cast the Black Lives Matter movement as a struggle between Black and white people, instead of as another theater of the class war raging in the country since Eisenhower, meant that further divides were made between people who should have been standing together in solidarity.

But even still, Democrats' fingers are in the many pies of the Bush administration's myriad failures. Check how many of them voted to authorize pretty much everything about the War on Terror. Hell, just check the votes on a handful of legislation. The Patriot Act? Passed the House 357-66 and the Senate 98-1. I don't think I need to tell you that there weren't 357 Republicans in the House, nor 98 in the Senate. No Child Left Behind? 381-41 in the House, 87-10 in the Senate.

The rise of the American Right was enabled by the Democrats' failures, at every turn, to work meaningfully for the working class, for immigrants, for women, for queers, for EVERYONE against the fucking CEOs, the oil executives, Wall Street, all the assholes prosecuting the class war on the side of property. To say that Donald Trump was made by Newt Gingrich and Fox News alone is to ignore the many, MANY ways that Democrats' legislative and political failures and missteps further stoked the very divisions among the working class that Fox and Gingrich and Trump prey upon. Biden's administration as President has done plenty to fight the working class. It has served as a weapon of the rich. Biden forced railroad unions to accept a contract they wanted to strike to improve. His Transportation Secretary actively refused to do anything to regulate the railroad industries' safety protocols following numerous high-profile rail disasters. Biden ran on a promise to give everyone $2000 in stimulus money, only to give us $600, less than Trump did, and tried to gaslight us into believing that we all knew that that's what he meant. He's sending weapons to Israel to kill Palestinians. He continued pretty much every single Trump-era immigration policy, including caging up kids at the border. Rather than fight for legislation to improve the lives of queer people, he just issued executive orders and pardons, the former of which can be easily and immediately overturned and the latter of which, while a good move, doesn't really help the fact that those people were treated as criminals for how fucking long, partially because of DOMA and Don't Ask Don't Tell, policies, lest we forget, that came into being in the Bill Clinton presidency (the former of which passed by veto-proof majorities). We make jokes about being unable to afford groceries largely because Biden refused to replace the Fed Chairman who said that he was managing inflation in such a way as to curb labor's power. He said that! He saw all the inroads that unions were making and said that he was going to use inflation to weaken them! And Biden let him stay! Biden agreed with him! Biden did! And he didn't fucking have to!

To sit here and wag your own goddam finger at anyone who doesn't want to participate in a system that has never, at any point, done any good for any of us is just fucking disgusting. It ignores the broader context of who and what Trump is, and who and what Biden is. It further enforces the goddam fucking class infighting that we all seem to love so fucking much, where it has to be Us against the Boomers and Trump country Voters and whatever the fuck else, like we aren't all fighting the same struggle, like we don't need to stand in solidarity with fucking racists and transphobes because we are ALL the ones who will suffer at the hands of fuckwits like Musk and whatever Exxon executive they want to take the fall for shaping climate-denial policy for decades to come. To say that I SHOULD, that I MUST do my part to legitimate the very system of my own fucking execution is fucking revolting.

The government is a fascist system no matter who's at the fucking levers and a fascist system will always seek to annihilate the working class. To even pretend that because one hand is "better" than the other is like saying that it's better to swallow arsenic than cyanide because at least arsenic doesn't kill you as fast. Newsflash: you're dead either way.

"The revolution is not the answer" "the revolution will leave behind the very people you say you want to protect" you are a bootlicker. You are a bootlicker.

You are a bootlicker.

You refuse, you REFUSE to imagine a better society. You have been defeated. You let your fatalism, your nihilism, overcome your idealism. You don't believe in solidarity. You don't believe in mutual aid. You don't believe in anything except making your own wretched little life as easy for you as you possibly can. You are content to fucking die.

Leave me out of it.

[conkreetmonkey]

*vent post* *prob gonna regret and delete*

Don't want to go to post-secondary school. Need post-secondary school to get livable, non hard-labor job in country with bad economy. Think about moving to other country where it's more livable. Need post-secondary degree to even be considered for a work visa, let alone immigration, in all countries with better economies.

I feel like I'm being railroaded in an RPG. My only two choices are to get a BA or a construction/manufacturing focused trade, and all exits from those two paths are sealed off. It's "struggle through at least 3 years of school, probably more, and then still struggle to find job and afford to live but maybe manage to nab a position that doesn't involve lifting 75+ pound loads every day" or "struggle through 2 years of school, get an apprenticeship for 5 years, and make a decent living but ruin your joints and be tired for the rest of your life." Either way, I'd need more than one degree/trade certification to ever hope to retire. Most likely I'll be on the treadmill until I croak, no matter what path I choose.

I'm tired of school, and I'm not even sure if I'm capable anymore. I just can't do it. I'd sooner chop off a limb than spend another 3 years in it, minimum. But you NEED to spend your entire 20s in some form of school/training to get a proper career. No job trains anymore, so I have to teach myself.

I don't want to be comforted or told possible alternative options, I've looked and looked for a way out and there really isn't one for me. I NEED to get a degree and I hate it. I can't even get a job at McDonald's or laying asphalt in this shitty little town, but I need money to leave. I feel trapped, like I'm being forced through an extrusion mold. I just want to pack a bag and leave, but I'd be dead or in jail within a month.

[inkforged]

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Waiting, Waiting...

Apparently, I'm in a "Season of Waiting" whatever the hell that means. It looks a lot like high anxiety, constantly checking my inbox, texts, and wondering if the unknown number is a spam call or the call that can change my life.

It's preparing as much as I can without actually making moves. It's doubting myself, my abilities, and my worth. It's insomnia and naps in my car when I just can't stay awake any longer. It's sadness and hope and anger and worry and desperation.

Whatever it is, it isn't peaceful.

I think that's what I want to focus on this year - finding peace. I know that we're supposed to pick a word each year and focus on it. Normally, I'm tempted to choose something like "chaos" or a phrase like "I wish a bitch would" but I don't think that energy is going to serve me well in my current situation. I need calm and strength and rest.

So maybe it's peace. I think that it looks different for everyone.

When I close my eyes and imagine what peace could look like I see nature - trees, mountains, the sound of a river. A quiet house with a fire in the hearth and a dog curled up on the couch. Coffee freshly brewed and a good book in my hand. I see financial stability and a place of my own. I see leaving work at the office and a routine that keeps my space and mind clean. I imagine comfort and a life where chaos isn't common and I can feel safe going to the grocery store. I see a space where I'm free to be me. Where no one yells at me for speaking my mind. A place where I'm accepted for me. Where I can come home and drink a glass of wine as I cook my dinner. Where I'm comfortable enough to walk my dog.

I've always thought that my dreams were simple and hated how unrealistic they are. A small house with enough room for two dogs and my books. I want kids, but have come to terms with the fact that I probably will never have them. My dream does include a husband still, but I'm not counting on it.

It's heartbreaking to me that I probably will never own a house or be able to afford to keep a dog-let alone two. I will never make enough money on my own to be debt-free and have an emergency fund. It's expensive to be single and my simple dream of small house and dogs is impossible to attain. I can't even afford an apartment. How fucked up is that?

So how do I find peace? How do I get to the point where I can live the life that I desire?

Step One: Find a job

In this economy??

I'll have to keep you updated on that one.