#I can't really speak on this definitively bc I am not a system

[lylahammar]

lays down on the floor

holy fuck slay the princess is so good

[wrishwrosh]

re: tags on labor in historical fiction post, would be very interested to hear what the four examples you mentioned are!!

ok u know what that tag WAS bait, thank you for taking it. technically speaking these aren't works dealing strictly with labor in historical fiction, they are my four treasured examples of BUREAUCRAT FICTION (so not NOT about labor in history?) i was gonna try to make this post pithy and short but then i remembered how extremely passionate i am about this microgenre i made up. so sorry.

bureaucrat fiction is not limited by genre or format but criteria for inclusion are as follows: long and detour-filled story about functionary on the outside of society finding unexpected success within a ponderously large and powerful System/exploring themes of class and physicality and work and autonomy and what it means to hold power over others beneath the heartless crushing wheels of empire/sad little man does paperwork. also typically long as hell. should include at least one scene where the protagonist is unironically applauded-perhaps for the first time in their life-for filling out a form really good. without further ado:

soldier's heart by alex51324. the bureaucracy: british army medical corps during wwi. the bureacrat: mean gay footman/new ramc recruit thomas barrow. YEAH it's a downton abbey fic YEAH it's a masterpiece. i've talked about it before at length, my love has not faded. the crowning moment of bureaucracy is a long interlude where thomas optimizes the hospital laundry (this actually happens twice or maybe three times)

hands of the emperor by victoria goddard. the bureaucracy: crumbling fantasy empire some time after magical apocalypse. the bureacrat: passionate late-career clerk from the hinterlands cliopher mdang. i reread this book every winter bc it is as a warm bath for my SAD-addled brain and every time i neglect all my responsibilities to read all nine billion pages in three days. it puts abt 93% of the worldbuilding momentum into elaborating all of the ministries and secretaries and audits necessary to run a global government and like 7% into the magic and stuff. there are also several charming companion novellas and an equally long sequel that dives more into the central relationship between cliopher and the emperor which i highly recommend if you like gentle old man yaoi and/or magic, but there's more bureaucracy in HOTE.

the cromwell trilogy by hilary mantel. the bureaucracy: court of henry viii. the bureaucrat: thomas cromwell, the real guy. curveball! it's critically acclaimed booker prize winning rpf novel wolf hall! mantel is really interested in particular ways of gaining and maintaining power in delicate and labyrinthine systems like the tudor court, specifically in strongmen who use both physical intimidation and metaphysical manipulation to succeed. under these conditions i do think my best friend long-dead historical personage thomas cromwell counts as Bureaucrat Fiction (as do danton and robespierre in a place of greater safety. bonus rec.)

going postal by terry pratchett. the bureaucracy: fantasy postal service of ankh-morpork. the bureaucrat: conman, scammer, and little freak moist von lipwig. this is definitely shorter and lighter than the other three entries on the list, sort of a screwball take on the bureaucrat. but the mail is such a classic bureaucracy thing? who doesn't love thinking about the mail? also contains a key genre element which is a fraught sexual tension with the person immediately above the protagonist in their hierarchy, who is also their god-king and boyfriend-dad. you can't tell me vetinari isn't torturing moist psychologically AND sexually.

anyway sorry about all this. if you've read any of these come talk to me about them. bureaucrat fiction recs welcomed with the openest possible arms.

[venriliz]

10 random facts about me

got tagged by @druidberries @alientown @papermint-airplane TY <3

u literally tagged the most boring person but that's probably what half of all people think of themselves, huh? °-° i might regurgitate some of the facts i used for my introduction post in the sims of tumblr community. i wrote a lot so i'll put a cut with the facts below here. °-°

my birthday is the 4th of july and when i was a kid (prolly like 5 or 6) i saw an american parade on the news on tv. after i asked my dad why these people are celebrating he literally told me that they're celebrating my birthday °_° i believed for several years that americans celebrated my fucking birthday bc i wasn't aware of independence day existing lmfao. my dad just loved fooling me V.V he might be dead but i'm still holding that grudge lol.

i'm kinda lucky to be alive i guess? when i was a kid i was hit by a car in what we in germany call "Spielstraße" which is kinda like a street in dense neighborhoods where kids are allowed to play freely and cars aren't allowed to go faster than 7 kph/4.3 mph. i don't now how fast the driver was but it probably was something around 30 kph/18 mph. i didn't have very bad injuries but still °-° i could've died.

i was a typical horse girl as a kid (i still like horses but i'm not riding anymore because i'm a very old 20-something with knee problems lol) and i was fucking INSUFFERABLE abt it.

i don't want to have kids or get married. i'm not one of those people who hate children like i love my nieces and my nephew BUT i have a lot of mental health issues and can't possibly take care of another life if i can barely take care of myself properly, right? marriage to me is just a weird concept. i can totally respect people getting married and if i'm invited to a wedding i'm obviously attending but i personally can't really subscribe to the idea of binding myself to someone with a piece of paper and it then being such a stupid process when it doesn't work out. also... it costs too much money lol

i have kind of an affinity for finding missing pets (i also photograph every missing poster i see so i guess that helps with recognizing them?)

i was NOT good at school like i kinda sucked and i can probably blame a mixture of mental health issues, trouble at home and also being a lazy teenager that just wasn't really built for school life lol. i barely managed to get the "Mittlere Reife" (if you're german u know what i mean. i could explain what that means but explaining the german school system would take years). english, german and biology were my only good classes. i absolutely hated math like we're lifelong enemies.

speaking of germany, i am from germany or to be more specific from the most northern region nearest to the danish border and i LOVE living here. the north and baltic sea are close to me and people here are usually quite chill. the only thing i don't like that much abt living here is kind of the regional cuisine bc a lot of it is fish and i don't like eating fish T.T

i HATE going shopping (i'm an online shopper °-° EMP my beloved) and my friends just don't take me with them on shopping trips bc they know i'll kill the mood by complaining like a child and wanting to go back home lmfao

the first sims game for me was the og Sims and i almost fried my dad's old ass pc playing it. my first vivid memory of the game was noticing that here and there random houses appeard out of seemingly nowhere. the goths got a new house that didn't fit their vibe for example lol. years later my dad told me that he used to play the game when i was sleeping and just built these houses lmfao. so i guess my dad was an og simmer oO.

i remember 9/11 (yes i'm old enough don't age shame me T.T). i was in kindergarten at that time and just came home from a friends house when the towers fell. i saw it on tv and even though i was very young i understood that a lot of people were getting hurt. definitely had an impact on me as a kid.

yeah that's it. i rambled a lot but yeah °-°

tagging @landgraabbed @olli-online @living-undead @moonwoodhollow @microscotch @crazy-lazy-elder-sims @aniraklova @tiallussims @skaterboi108 @faerun-s @cristalviper @none-of-these-days @fadingforrest @acuar-io @elderwisp @lilamausmaus @simpleratattack @azeterna @butteredfrogs @mmonetsims and everybody else who reads this! HA!

[stormyweaver]

Lots of venting below, but sometimes it's hard for me to jot it all down in my journal. Plus it's my blog so I can post whatever, fuck you.

Last night was... difficult. I think I slept 3/4 hours, which is about an hour less than I usually do. My mind just wouldn't stop racing.

I don't know why I feel so isolated in every space I inhabit. I know parts of it (my difficulty with trusting people, feeling like I'm never 'authentic' enough, trying to make my personality palatable to EVERYONE and then feeling like a husk at the end of the day) but I've noticed a pattern that's very disturbing to me.

I never speak up for myself. If something bothers me, I never say anything. Until I do. And it either comes out in a way that's civil, or I just completely blow up.

But it seems no matter WHAT way I say it, me speaking up for myself almost always ends in losing that friendship/relationship/etc. I let go of basically my biggest friend group this year because I expressed feeling left out, and was given verbal reassurance that that wouldn't happen - and then it did happen.

Ever since then (late May?) I've basically felt like I can't maintain any kind of friendship or relationship with anyone. I get triggered at even the perceived notion that someone doesn't want to be around me. I make friends at work, but then those drop off too, even when I'm giving all the effort I possibly can. I see people with friends and I get so viscerally jealous and hate myself for not being able to have that with more people.

I am so grateful for the friends I do have, the majority being on here. But there's a part of my brain that constantly tells me 'You're one bad take or one wrong joke from losing them'. That doesn't seem normal to me. I want to ask my therapist about it, but now that I'm starting this new job, and her latest slot is typically taken, it's hard to get an actual bi-weekly or even monthly appointment down.

When we did have our (short) introduction meeting, she asked me who my support system is, and I couldn't really give her a definitive answer. I don't really have anyone in my immediate area to rely on. It's literally just me, and the friends I have online.

I try talking to my dad, or my sister, or my paternal grandmother and it feels so empty and hollow bc, while my sister can at least empathize with me, the other two will just say 'Praying for you!' and send me like, 25 dollars. I don't... I don't want money? I need a support system. And I don't know how to express that. I don't know how to express to the people in my life that I'm so jaded, and anxious, and depressed, and miserable that I can't even sleep at night with how rapidly my thoughts are racing, with how negatively I think and react.

I've been trying so hard to come to terms with the fact that maybe I'm just broken. That I'll never have a 'normal' life and a 'normal' thought process. But I feel like there's a difference between not being or feeling or thinking 'normally' and feeling like I'm being punished for every time I don't adhere to what everyone else says I should be doing.

The only thing that gives me any real reprieve is journaling, writing and reading. But I've become such a solitary creature over the years. Even when I try to befriend people who I live with, or work with, or go to groups with... it's like I can't get my own head out of my own ass long enough to make a genuine connection. Or I get ghosted.

I don't know how to figure any of this out. I don't know how to re-program my brain so it stops sabotaging every little chance I get at happiness. I don't know how to express how I feel without crying and sobbing because my emotions hurt so much to even convey to my therapist.

I'm so angry and sad and insecure and afraid. And I'm so, so very tired.

[scandalouslamb]

do u have any headcanons of felix ravinstill ? (who doesnt die!!!!!)

like his best friends, who he would marry, his kids, etc. etc.

A lot of people (2 whole people) have been telling me that Felix doesn't die lately, and my uno reverse card to you is that I actually believe that all of Snow's classmates probably die of untimely deaths so... It's not like Felix is getting preferential treatment just because he's my favorite!

Anyway, here's my attempt at walking around the grim reaper shaped elephant in the room:

Okay, in my oc fics (non-oc fic hc stuff in next paragraph), I do have him best friends with Festus and my oc, Artemisia whom he also marries. They have a kid named Diana whose character ranges from grumpy, passive defeatist (probably complicit in lesbian situationship's war crimes), realist trying to be an optimist (who poisons her lesbian situationship for attempting to commit war crimes), and future dictator of Panem (who wants to avenge her lesbian situationship) depending on the fic. Somehow, that last one is the result of a universe where Felix Ravinstill lives, so be careful what you wish for with me!

In my weird attempt to make my oc's canon complaint universe's fate mean something (RIP Artemisia Click dead before her time at age 4 in the tbosas canon according to me), Felix is probably friends with Festus still, but I don't think they become that close until later in the Academy unlike in my other verse.

Instead, Hilarius gets to be friends with Felix, because they can bond over being from very prestigious families. (I headcanon that a Heavensbee is the actual first president of Panem). This probably makes Felix tangentially friends with Pup Harrington and Vipsania Sickle (although they don't hang out as much bc I hc that Vipsania is friends with Livia, and Livia and Felix didn't get along as much as kids). I imagine that all the Academy kids are at least friendly acquaintances/school friends to some degree, so there's that too.

He's also friends with Arachne, because in my mind, everyone loves to talk shit with Arachne. You know you can always go to her to vent. Like, she's definitely also talking shit about you behind your back, but she's not really trying to hide it.

Um, marriage and kids, huh? Wow, it looks like I can't see you past this giant elephant with a scythe that's in the middle of the room. Oh no! It looks like my cursor is creeping towards the "Post now" button!

(In all honesty, having the entire Ravinstill family get absolutely destroyed from the War (that keeps the Districts under the Capitol), assassination attempts either directed at them or the President, or as collateral in Snow's rise to power, speaks to me in showing that all the privilege that the Capitol enjoys within their corrupt system won't protect them in any real way. It compels me, and I can't remove myself from it without forcing Felix to probably endure other horrors to prove this point.)

Anyway, someone else asked for more Felix hcs in another ask, so I have to get to that! Thanks for this ask! Unfortunately, I am an angsty writer

[smellybead]

Ooh I saw you mention you're a veiling hellenistic pagan and there's something about being a veiling pagan that really appeals to me and I've been thinking of looking into it for a while. Question, do you think it would be okay to only sometimes veil and not dress fully modestly? I'm plural and not the host of my system and probably wouldn't be able to fully commit to it, particularly dressing modestly as we're ex-mormon and the concept is sort of traumatic for us. I understand if you can't fully answer because you're just some teenager with a fandom blog and not an expert but I'd rather ask someone I'm at least a little familiar with than a total stranger

Hi! (And in answer of your other ask, veiling pagan isn't incorrect depending on the individual. I personally don't call myself a pagan/identify with the term so veiling ((Hellenistic)) polytheist would be correct for me)

My answer is yes and also sort of depends!

There's nothing wrong with not dressing fully modestly while veiling, if that's what you feel most comfortable with. But if you're like me and typically veil with a "Hijab style" of veil, it's best imo to follow more closely to Islamic rules for modesty bc you've got to be aware that most people are probably going to assume you're Muslim and you don't want to misrepresent a group you're not part of. I would advise shirts to the wrists and collarbones and covering the stomach fully, skirts/pants to ankles, and clothing that isn't tight/formfitting. I know that Islamic ideas of modesty can vary, and I am definitely not someone who can speak on that personally. So if you're not sure about something with that style of veil, definitely discuss it with people who are Muslim. (It's also important to keep in mind that modesty isn't just what you wear and also involves your behaviour and actions)

But! If it's a different veiling style that doesn't really have the immediate connection to specific a religion like the "Hijab style" headscarf does, then I think it's really quite fine.

But yeah. I think it's a really quite nuanced and depends a lot so sorry for the not very solid answer 😭😭

[steelycunt]

your tags on regulus basically getting popular bc people were getting bored of r/s... you are correct! look, obvious disclaimer, #notALLregulusstans etc. etc. but the interest in the character is so fucking shallow from a lot of what i've seen. he's a generic blank slate you can project any personality and persona onto and ofc he has to be hot and involved with an established canon character and it is so goddamn boring. and it ruins!!!! what we know about regulus too bc he's nothing but a self-insert to a large amount of the fandom. so we get takes where people are like "regulus had NO support system and was so lonely and vulnerable and only joined the death eaters because he had to" but ALSO he was the most popular guy in school with a great group of friends who had no supremacist leanings themselves whatsoever and he obviously had all of Sirius's friends falling over themselves for him and like??? how does this character make any sense??? what is the appeal here except to live out a fantasy all with a timothee chalamet fancast???? add that to garbage takes on child abuse and also rampant misogyny and just weird apologism for a character who does not need it and it's like... no wonder jegulus is slowly dying and the fandom is getting more and more superficial and interest in regulus is slowly fading. a good portion of you guys did it to yourself. #makeregulusaninterestingcharacteragain

hi! yes! i dont have too much more to add honestly i agree with you totally n i think you've said it all...i think the way you put it actually highlights the two different parts of the whole Regulus Thing that i don't get. the first one being i don't really get why people feel so deeply for a character with no actual canon appearance or personality traits (although as i said in the prev ask i understand the appeal of a blank slate oc that can easily be inserted into canon situations) which is more of a personal preference, and the second one being that i don't really like what fanon (and as you say, obligatory #notallregulusstans disclaimer here) has chosen to do with said blank slate oc. and i do agree that a lot of what could have made him interesting has been stripped from him in order to turn him into a justifiably likeable and morally-sound remus derivative (and also to justify a world in which canon james could possibly have any sort of relationship with canon regulus, which i personally think just makes...very little sense frankly and again in a lot of cases just speaks to people being bored of r/s and wanting a new refurbed version of r/s which isn't r/s but is adjacent to it). but yeah lol i mean. i can't speak much to whatever the Latest Discourse in the jegulus community is seeing as i am not in it but i definitely agree with ur interpretation of what has been done to his character by popular fanon.

[atthebell-moved]

if i had the capacity i would do a stats analysis of female dsmp characters and their popularity, including how often they're just background characters/tagged for no reason in fic (the answer is A LOT)

the issue is you can't do the same kind of analysis as that toasty post i rbed the other day (you can check my 'ao3 stats' tag for it) bc "speaking time" is far harder to calculate in a piece of media with multiple optional povs. i suppose you could look at major events (maybe above a certain cumulative viewer count) and compare lines/speaking time from men & women, but you also probably ought to factor in the fact that the lack of a script may make it more likely for them to be interrupted/talked over (another interesting bit of data one could look into, and would probably run similarly in actual play ttrpg shows). [like niki mentioned before, she gets talked over quite a bit and unless people intentionally leave space open for her to talk it's hard for her to get a word in edgewise]

anyway my biggest point of interest would be how often dsmp women are tagged without being major characters, although the issue with ao3's tagging system is there's not a great way to distinguish between 'main character' and 'background/side character' aside from if people know to tag it as such (rare as people are really bad at tagging generally and in this fandom pretty bad bc of lack of experience). so one would have to page through all those fics, or use the bruce banner method cited in a post i rbed not too long ago and search summaries for names.

sorry im a methodology queen anyway this fandom does not treat women very well and i would love to see how ao3 works reflect that but am definitely not capable of looking into it myself

[menacetosocietyy]

I know I've been really inactive lately and I just wanted to give the few people that interact with my blog the reason.

This all happened within the last week and a half or so? I have no concept of time, especially when shit hits the fan.

TW: cheating, mentions of child abuse but no details, confused emotions on DID alter merging and how it feels almost like them dying to me? (children are ok)

I recently found out that my girlfriend of a little over a year was cheating on me for at LEAST 6 months, if not the entire time, and was also a child abuser. She then was forcefully merged with another personality in my boyfriend's DID system.

I've only ever talked about my boyfriend on my blog but yes, I was in a poly- I consider the children in the system to be my actual children, I never expected it but they sorta claimed me within 3 days and I couldn't say no even if I wanted to. She hurt my kids.

I'm having a hard time processing the emotions of someone I loved secretly being a monster and then essentially dying yet it's not even actual dying... I haven't even been able to start my midterms because of this. I really don't know how to end this but yeah I left some details out to try and respect my partners privacy as much as possible.

This whole time I logically knew I was likely being "played" so I made sure to not get too attached because I knew the other shoe would drop, so to speak. And I played a huge part in helping the merging, I made sure the pieces fell into place.

I HELPED make sure she disappeared

I made sure my girlfriend of a little over a year disappeared

Because she hurt my fucking kids. She put my fucking kids and boyfriend in danger. And I couldn't anymore.

I think a part of me loved her for a while, even when I dreaded spending time with her. I still loved her as a human, but not as a lover. I think the part that fell out of love knew this was all for show and that she was just trying to manipulate me and push me away to cause more drama for her to watch, but I could never leave my kids or future husband, so I stayed.

The day I heard her say that one thing I snapped. I was already ready to "kill" her. I was done.

I'm not very good with "death" and I put it in quotes because again, she just merged with someone else- I love the personality she merged with so much. She's so wonderful. Anyway-

Human deaths are really hard for me to process- I haven't experienced very many, definitely more than a few, but I just

It doesn't seem to compute for me, so I don't know how to do this. I guess this post also became a way for me to get a few things off my chest about it? I haven't really been able to talk about my emotions on it at all, now that I think about it. So I'm gonna be dramatic now in hopes to take some of the weight off of it.

Part of me, the largest part, wants to scream. I want to scream until I can't anymore, and cry, too. Until I am just hevai g and gasping because how did I not notice? I know it's because she manipulated memories so my kids and future husband didn't know or say anything... but still. I wish I fucking noticed. And I know it's not my fault because the bitch was damn good at hiding her tracks, but it doesn't make it any less infuriating, it doesn't make the hurt go away. I still feel ashamed. I wish I was there physically to hold them all, even just once. I want to hold them when shit like this happens so I can comfort them properly and not just through a phone.

Ok I'm done ranting bc this feels pointless but yeah

That's why I've been mostly MIA.

[berryunho]

woah wtf how do credits work at your uni cause i only need 20 to graduate. the discrepancy between majors is REAL lmao my friend is in history and partying every weekend and im here crying over amino acids. pls.

that's so fun omg!! do you know any korean rn? i was thinking abt a neuro minor myself but i feel like having a minor in stats is more useful for our program :///

YES IT WORKED HAHAHA omg i am SO happy like ATEEZ IM COMING 😭😭 i would like to thank u for the idea and my sister for having her wedding on that date 😭

i can't imagine it being that hot late sept. do your buildings at least have AC? and was it a nice day today?? cause i swear i was freezing when i woke up and now it's 23/73... that sound so aesthetic!!! mb i'd acc get work done if i went there.......

i think we're doing all 3 but today was IR day and i swear the info just goes in one ear and out the other. like there's polling questions as my prof goes thru the lecture but the info hasn't sunken in yet to fully answer them and i'm like am i dumb or am i dumb???

you, me and 🍓 anon best pen pals indeed!! i can't believe we're all travelling that far the dedication is real 😭 i hope you have fun on your mini vacation <3

its hump day!! 2 more days to go we can do this :D

-mightychondria

UM ... wow i even googled it before posting that and google said canadian universities work the same as american ones w credits LKJFD:SLJFS but apparently not 😭

but so ummm so basically each class is assigned a credit number based on how many hours a week you're expected to devote to the class (outside of lecture) TIMES TWO so like my chem lecture is 4 credits so that means i should expect to spend 8 hours a week studying chem on my own ... if that makes sense 😭 its basically correlated to the workload of the course and anyhow you need 120 total credits to graduate,,, with a designated number of those credits being within your major FGDKSLJF:LDJS so everyone needs at least 120 to graduate but the amount of classes you have to take WITHIN your major definitely depends on your major ... like i said i have 74 credits in my major which is essentially like... 20ish classes that I MUST TAKE to graduate w my major but im free to use the other 46 credits however i want 😎 so if you do the math 120 credits/8 semesters = 15 credits a semester which is considered a "normal" workload (im taking 18 LKFJS:LDJF)

but anyways sorry that was long winded af LKFJ:LSJDK lol hopefully that makes sense?? how does your system work though im curious now !!?

LKJFS:DJFK:LSDJK as for me knowing korean ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm i never speak on this bc im terrified of embarrassing myself but this is how i broke it down to my prof LOL i can understand about 50% of what i hear and 75% of what i read w vocab being my only issue and ... i can get my point across in writing or speaking but im definitely not conversational LOL ANYWAYSHLKFSDLFJ if i go to korea ill (probably) be able to test out of the rest of the korean classes at my uni and get credit for them thus giving me enough credits for the minor without actually having to use any of my limited credits/time toward completing it KFKLDSJLKFJ

but 😭😭😭 yeah you're right stats is really reaaaallly useful in our area 😭 im being forced to take a bio statistics research class rn and like. wtf. BUT TBH you gotta do what you want to do. like not to be cheesy but really you gotta do things for yourself so if you want to do neuro you should do neuro !!!

BUT OMG YAAAAYYYY!!!!! im so glad it worked out omg that makes me sooooo happy KJFLSD:JFJKKL its gonna be so fun AAAAAAA

honestly the AC on my campus is so dodgy bc like... there are buildings from the mid 1800s that havent been touched once and there are buildings from last year and buildings all in between 😭😭 id say most of the buildings that i frequent definitely do thankfully !! but omg yes it was so nice today i woke up and it was 60/15 and i was in such a good mood all day LOL

no fr in chem whenever my prof asks the class something i just sit there in silence. like i never know whats going on in lecture until i read the textbook or attempt problems and essentially teach myself everything 😭 i wouldnt stress about it too much chem is hard !!

hehehe honestly the motivation of dedicated atinys like name something stronger KJSLDKFJSDL hehehe

wow this response got so long LKJFALKDFJ:AD anyways. you're so right! 2 more days! lets go!!!

[poisonedwell]

i have to wonder if any of the self-proclaimed gifted kids on twitter were actually designated as gifted and talented or if they were just placed in the highest reading level in third grade and never shut the fuck up about it

[ialwaysknewyouwerepunk]

as it was - a close reading

ooooooookay, here we are. i’m not that late, am i? SO. usual disclaimer: these are just my thoughts!! after a few weeks of getting familiar with the song, this is definitely the general feeling i have about it. you can bet i’m more than fucking excited to see what else he has in store for us in terms of loudness. the kid doesn’t give a fuck anymore and i am here in that front row seat munching popcorn watching it all unfold. alright enough of this here we go

LYRIC ANALYSIS

Come on, Harry, we wanna say goodnight to you

voicemail, supposedly - sounds a bit acted to me, could have originally been a voicemail that they rerecorded to be more hq

what does it mean as the intro to a song like this? an example of ppl who really care? / a bit sinister?

Holding me back Gravity's holding me back I want you to hold out the palm of your hand Why don't we leave it at that?

gravity holding him back - he wants to fly, go as high as he can, but he can't ～ sott

gravity: also the gravity of a situation - the weight of living

i want "you" (in general) to help me, support me, have my back; why can't it be that simple? why do you need reasons, explanations in order to have my back? (why can't you support me as who i am right in front of you? do i need to prove myself?)

⟶ he's held back bc he's constantly questioned, doubted

directed to "you" as his partner: baby take my hand i know wtf i'm doing. stop thinking and jump w me

Nothing to say When everything gets in the way Seems you cannot be replaced And I'm the one who will stay

good old trusted theme of (a lack of) communication - here h is saying it's no use to talk about it ⟷ we need to talk about it. sometimes talking about the same thing over and over gets you nowhere, just makes it worse

"everything" - external factors cause the issues

"you" - general you, or specific individual? - audience? partner? all possible options?

"if we talk about this, we'll go in circles. all i know for absolute certain is that i need you and i will never leave, so let's leave it"

"i'm the one who will stay" ～ mmith - patience, loyalty

In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was In this world, it's just us You know it's not the same as it was As it was, as it was You know it's not the same

what we know is that we have each other

"this world" - this industry, this system, this life - us against the world (⟶ we used to not be alone against the world(?))

shit changes all the time and that's okay. i have accepted it, "you" knows it's true but needs more time to process (as usual)

people change, life changes, situations change, conditions change - their personal lives, their selves, their careers... it is what it is. good or bad

Answer the phone Harry, you're no good alone

who is speaking? are they saying the entire verse or parts of it? - apathetic, sarcastic, manipulative voice - someone who needs h up, well, kept an eye on

"you're no good alone" - "when you're alone you start having all these thoughts, darling, and we don't want that" aka don't be independent, silly

also h's own self-deprecating words about himself: says he's bad at being alone, doesn't want to be apart from his lover ～ mmith, tbsl, ftdt, canyon moon, etcetcetc

Why are you sitting at home on the floor? What kind of pills are you on?

"at home on the floor" - echoes of mmith ⟶ when he's alone, going through something, he deals with it by wallowing + substance abuse ("i'll be on the floor", "give me some morphine") - the voice asking him what kind of pills he's on sounds menacing, tho - assuming he's taking pills, while it might not be the case at all (bc this echo in another person's voice might imply that's in the past/a rumor/a false assumption)

Ringing the bell And nobody's coming to help

"ringing the bell" - for service (painting the picture of this washed out rock star on the floor of their house, like elton in his worst days perhaps) / sounding the bell for help / ringing a doorbell

⟶ "nobody's coming to help": he's asking for help, "hold out the palm of your hand", but he's not getting any - could someone else be still saying this? as in, "nobody's coming to help, harry"

Your daddy lives by himself He just wants to know that you're well

"your daddy" - whose daddy? who is daddy? random ass lyric as an excuse to mention a daddy, kink/gay culture?

is h talking? is someone saying this to h?

confirm to daddy you're well. that's all - sarcasm: your “daddy” doesn't really care about you

Go home, get (a)head, light-speed internet I don't wanna talk about the way that it was

2nd "home" in the song wow love that for us

he's def saying get head idgaf

fast-paced life ～ tpwk bridge "all we ever want is automatic all the time" + working from home, aka covid life

i do not want to talk about it - h doesn't want to look back

Leave America, two kids follow her I don't wanna talk about who's doing it first

stuntstuntstuntstunt

⟶ "doing it" = ending a stunt? or literally anything else bc this is just a word and it's also harry so anything could mean everything and vice versa

in any case, it doesn't matter who's doing it first: if we move forward in any way, we're good

SYNTHESIS

As with everything Harry has ever done in his artistic career, this song isn’t straightforward. But we don’t want that anyway, do we? We like to be challenged. 

In this first single for Harry’s Home, there are a lot of sentiments woven in from his previous albums. Especially Meet Me In the Hallway’s symbolism and lyrics have found their way in. He’s not recycling his old work, however; he’s building onto it. He’s still the person who’ll wait for his lover to come around, but now his lover doesn’t need to start talking, he needs to stop going in circles. They seem to keep discussing the same things and Harry’s ready to move on. Who they are now is not who they were, and that’s not a bad thing. They know they have each other and that they survived the challenges thrown their way so far. 

The chorus could be interpreted in multiple ways, I think. “You know it’s not the same as it was” can be melancholy, sad about the changes they’ve been through and the things that have been lost. About their relationship, about the world they live in, about their careers. It can also be a call for action. The time to talk is over, now it’s time to fucking make shit happen. The way I hear the entire song, I think it’s the latter. In the first verse, Harry calls out the lack of support or help. He states what he needs in literal terms, then wonders what the fuss is about. It's honestly one of the more assertive moments we've gotten from him. Then he continues to say that they need to stop talking about shit they’ve gone through time and again. Sometimes it’s no use to reiterate what happened. The same questions will remain unanswered. What Harry knows is they have each other, because they know they can never quit each other.

This low-key exasperated Harry gets even more daring with throwing bullshit out the window in the second verse, when he voices things others have undoubtedly said to him. It shows a lack of understanding of his personal life, that even people who have his number don’t know him, and, more dramatically, don’t care about him. They need him to perform, act normal, be good. The notion of him needing help or support and not getting it comes back here, which underlines its significance. Harry feels let down by those around him, those who are supposed to care. (His team, fans, anyone.) “In this world, it’s just us” sounds even more intense in that context - it’s us against the world, more than ever before, bc wow people have shown their true colors. 

Harry has realised something. After years of going in circles, doing the same things to keep things in place, trying to preserve what they have, he’s realised he wants action. Things change whether they want them to or not. Harry wants to embrace change, in himself and everything around him, because he knows it’s brought beautiful things before. And he and his love change beautifully through it all. The shit that “was” is what they need to actively move past. No more conversations about it, let’s just do it. Doesn’t matter what happens first. Something needs to. “It’s not the same”, in this light, to me, is Harry saying he’s realised their circumstances have changed to the point where they can’t stand still anymore. He’s seen the true nature of those around him, he’s found out what he really wants. 

It’s fascinating, really, how this song at first sounded regretful of change to me, when only after a few listens I realised it’s the opposite. It’s Harry welcoming change, and basically prodding his own personal story to get shit moving. He’s thrown scruple over his shoulder, calling a halt to all the running in circles (mv anyone?) and grabbing his lover by the hand, certain in the belief they can handle the biggest changes they’ll have to face yet. 

[my-darling-boy]

i am non binary and eventually want top surgery. i can't get it yet bc i'm a minor and i can't come out to my parents, but i'm gonna be 18 soon and have a question. if i want to get top surgery, do i need to tell the truth about it? like, do i have to come out and say the true reason behind it, or can i say it's for another reason? and what would be easier in the end? i'm really scared of having to be out like that to get surgery

Sorry for the length of this!

Some trans people give false reasons to their family for wanting top surgery, and this can be the case if you’re using parents’ insurance and don’t want them to know what you’re using it for. The problem with this is that if you don’t cover your tracks with the lie, your family can still find out, especially if you still live with them. While being over 18 (at least in California where I live) prohibits your family from accessing your health info because you are now legally an adult entitled to confidentially, it doesn’t stop them from opening up mail from health insurance or surgeon offices that arrive at the house. While the mail I was sent states my approved procedures were “Bilateral Masectomy” and nipple grafts, it CLEARLY states under the diagnosis section on the front page “female to male” and “Transsexualism”, regarding the diagnosis of gender dysphoria I needed for the surgery. If a parent doesn’t know you’re non-binary and they go digging through your mail, there is always he possibility they may see words related to the surgery being gender related.

For the medical setting, it’s much trickier to do completely in the closet. For top surgery, most places around the world—with some exceptions—require one or more of the following for insurance/medical reasons: a recent written and signed diagnosis of gender dysphoria from a licensed therapist, signed and written proof of hormone replacement therapy for X amount of time from either a physician or endocrinologist, having lived at least 1+ years socially using the name/pronouns you intend to use, or statements from close family members and/or friends that you exhibit dysphoria or that you have been living socially with the name/pronouns you intend to use. Those are the typical ones I’ve seen, but because surgeons/laws/and insurances or medical groups have varying definitions of what grants one permission for the surgery, it can vary wildly from person to person, and what can complicate this further is that insurance and surgeons will have different criteria you need to abide by. Some surgeons are very relaxed and will simply give you the surgery provided they deem you medically fit while your insurance company says you need dysphoria and Hrt for them to cover it. Which brings me to my next point.

A bilateral/double mastectomy is deemed a “cosmetic or non-essential surgery” by most insurances (unless you are a cancer patient, at least in the US) which means insurances don’t like to cover all of the cost. I’ve seen this procedure range from $3,500 all the way to $18,000. The average price is $5,000-$10,000. I don’t remember the cost of my overall surgery, but I know my office consult alone was $1,200. Using my parents’ insurance, I only paid $15 copays. The only way to get my insurance company to cover what could have been a $10,000 surgery was to make them see it was “necessary” and this is why they require the dysphoria diangosis. While I don’t believe you need dysphoria to be trans or have top surgery, unfortunately insurance usually asks for it (“dysphoria” for an insurance company basically tells them you have a mental health issue that is negatively impacting your life and the surgery is needed to correct the dysphoria). With this in mind, it might be near impossible to get coverage for a bilateral masectomy coupled with chest contouring while in the closet to everyone, unless you’ve had a serious medical condition such as cancer since “restoring a breast isn’t considered a cosmetic procedure. It’s reconstructive surgery. Since it’s considered part of the treatment of a disease, the law says insurance providers must provide coverage.” (x) Alternatives would be chest liposuction, however liposuction is still cosmetic and therefore probably not eligible for full, if any, insurance coverage and there are zero ways for chest contouring or nipple resizing.

And which route is easier? In my own opinion, if you’re not comfortable going behind your family’s back or you need their insurance, you might need to tell them the truth, provided you feel in a position to talk about it with your family, and I only say this cos there can be instances where not telling them the whole truth can have consequences for you in the end. Some trans people report issues where coverage was denied after they got the surgery and have to give a $6,000 bill they can’t pay to their parents, letters show up to the house referencing being trans and parents can open these and read them, and an insurance company or surgeon may need written proof from family members that you have been living under x name/gender for x amount of time to provide coverage or surgery. If you’re fine hiding the process from your parents and using your own insurance or paying out of pocket, then that’s an option. But the situation can get sticky if you pursue surgery and are still living at home or have lgbtq-phobic parents and need to hide any evidence of what the surgery is for. I understand coming out is a Huge Thing, but the unfortunate part about this sort of surgery is it can be impossible to go about it trying to conceal all your intentions. And from what I’ve been able to gather during my own process, it doesn’t appear to be possible to go through with this procedure and have it all covered by insurance without mentioning gender.

Again, I’m only speaking from the perspective of someone who lives in California and had my own set of experiences dealing with the hurdles of insurance and the process in general, so if anyone knows it’s different somewhere else or how you could do this in the closet to either family or to doctors, you’re welcome to add! I’m afraid I’ve never run into anyone who went through with surgery completely in the closet with everyone involved. The systems in place for this are based off an outdated binary “male or female” scales, which can make things uniquely difficult for non-binary people to obtain care.

You may find this article particularly helpful about receiving surgery specifically as a non-binary person.

TLDR; successfully acquiring top surgery while completely in the closet to your family or medical staff/insurance groups would be very difficult in most circumstances unless you go completely behind your family’s back and/or bring attention to your gender identity in a medical/legal setting.

[syubub]

Yoongi birthday reading/energy check!!

It's sweet sweet tangerine bois birthday!!

I wanted to do a cute little energy check up to see what's up and ask some fun little questions!!

I'm excited so let's just do this shit!!

Disclaimer: this is for entertainment purposes and not to be taken as fact!!

---

I want to apologize for the absolute shit pictures but what's new lol

So, let's start with the platform. First thing I noticed was the blue was brighter but the platform was darker? It was like someone cranked up the contrast to 100. Ngl it looked pretty cool. Yoongis platform doesn't typically have a barrier like some of the others do so I just kinda walked in and did the whole, "happy birthday, I have questions" His energy seemed a lot more... vibrant? And playful I guess? It was really nice. Now. The actual connection was intresting because the cord was blue again and like, real thick. (I don't think my perceived thickness of the cord has and real correlation with how strong the connection is. It was just thicc) this time though, the cord was connected at the chest instead of the third eye. So i was like, ??? But my guide didn't give my any sort of helpful input (my guide likes to watch me suffer in my confusion. I'm sure of it)

Anyway, cord like that and then yoobi gave me a headbutt to connect at the third eye. Idk why he gotta be like that :( istg next time he's gonna flick my forehead or something.

I was like "cool cool cool. I want to do the reading now pls" and idk how to explain the energy other than sassy. You know? Blah blah blah I'm thinking, "I don't remember him being so cheeky but maybe I've been gone long enough for him to level up into his final sass monster form"

Anywho, this was intresting because after the little strings were connected and stuff, we plopped down on the floor. And it was like everything I was doing irl was being mimicked infront of yoons energy? So we were sitting facing eachother and I was putting the cards down between us?? Usually that doesn't happen but it was kinda fun!!

Moving right along. I first asked if there was anything he wanted to say or needed to get across and it was 11. Now, 11 has come up before and I'm still not to sure what it's in reference to? My best guess is possibly he's been seeing 11:11 or that it's 2? Idk let me know if you have any clues lol. Other stuff was just kinda banter and stuff.

So so so.

The reading. First thing I asked was how he was doing. And I shuffled his preticular way (when I ask a question I always ask for the energy to tell me how much to shuffle or when to stop. For yoongi it's always 2-2-2. So 2 bridge shuffles, 2 hand shuffles and then split the pile in 2. That's why I think 11 might be 2 to him?)

The cards we got are ace of swords rev, justice,the heirophant rev, the empress.

So based off this I was like okay. I want to pull clarity cards for the two rev cards to get a better picture so I pulled the emperor rev for ace or swords rev and strength rev and wheel of fortune rev for the heirophant rev.

Starting with the ace of swords rev, and the emperor reverse. It seems like yoongi has been re thinking his relationship to control in his life. That's he's possibly noticing any unhealthy needs to control his life and the situation around him. It could also refer to his judgment being clouded by a rigid approach.

With the justice card it makes me think that he's possibly considering a big choice in his life or that he's really doing some deconstructing of his own views. This second idea fits in well with him getting clarity on some possibly unhealthy control issues in his life.

Now. The heirophant rev, strength rev and wheel of fortune reverse. This was intresting to me bc they are all major arcana. The heirophant rev can really talk about no longer needing outside approval and making your own way in your own time bc you are your own teacher. Strength in rev I kinda read as self doubt and feeling down in this case. Like a lack of confidence in himself and his abilities. And the wheel of fortune in reverse I took to mean as his breaking cycles. All together these cards kinda paint a picture about wanting and trying to break a cycle of self doubt and self limiting beliefs and learning more about himself and why he think what he does about himself and searching through everything for truth. It's really good!! In short he's doing some nice soul searching and trusting himself to guide his own way through this self discovery!

The empress! This card seems to pop up for yoobi a lot and I think it really speaks to the abundance that surrounds him! Not just money but the abundance of creativity, love, friends ect.

Now now now. I asked him if there was anything that he wanted to tell us about himself or bts or what's happening in the near future. For that I got 2 of cups, king of wands and 3 of coins.

So the 2 of cups is partnership. Usually romantic. Could be pertaining to the may 13th thing that is ever present lol but I'll get to that later. With the 3 of coins talking about teamwork, this could definitely hint at collaborations coming up!! That's the vibe I get. No one crush my dreams. And for the king of wands it could be talking about taking the reigns on a new project and starting to get it done. Like a new opportunity. This could be a new bts project like starting a new campaign or new venture or maybe personal like the a mixtape or doing more songs for other groups ect.

I had to ask him how he was feeling about the grammys. I had to. Had to. The cards were ace of wands, 2 of wands and death reverse. When these came flying out I could help but smile. Yoongis energy was almost giddy too!

Witht he ace of wands

It's that spark of creativity and inspiration. It's that feeling when you get super excited over some new thing. I think this is the perfect example for feeling reinvigorated. The 2 of wands takes that spark from the ace and tries to funnel that excitement and newness into something directional. Using that burst of creativity to start planning for future progress!! Its so nice to see that! If they don't win (IF) you bet we're gonna get some bangers about a corrupt system. If (WHEN) they do win we'll get bangers about how thankful they are to have gotten where they are in spite of a corrupt system. I just want to hear an uncensored version of yoongi being like, "HOLY FUCKING SHIT, WE DID IT BITCHES. FUCK ALL YOU BASTARDS THAT SAID WE COULDN'T."

I can dream....

What a nice dream.

Now I asked if there was anything yoobi wanted to say to us as in advice or comfort or anything like that and I got, Clearing negativity, make time for self care, when I'm tuned into the energy of abundance I become abundant. when I'm in a state of appreciation im in vibrational alignment with my true love nature. The world rev, 2 of swords rev and that project, that person, that idea is waiting.

Awe. Take care of yourselves!! Make sure to take time to enjoy what you like and try not to let any negativity get in the way of you enjoying your days. The world rev to me seems to be talking about seeking closure on the things in your life that have been impacting you. Tie up those loose ends so you can move foward without triping over yourself and 2 of swords rev I think talks about information overload and being kinda indecisive bc of that. Take a sep back to evaluate the situation at hand because sometimes it's so close you can't see what you're looking for. Those of you who are studying and getting frustrated because you just can't seem to get it, try taking a step back and doing something to take care of yourself and come back to it so you can approach with a clearer mind. Try not to get stuck or paralyzed by choice but if you do get stuck, take some time to detach yourself from the situation and come back later!

A fair few people wanted an update on yoobis soulmate as well. If you need a refresher here's the run down. Yoongis soulmate is impossible for me to read, yoongi is a smug ass and I'm nosy and probably a little dumb.

Now that that's cleared up

I asked, "am I missing something?" (As to why I can't connect and why yoongi won't give me answers.)

I got queen of cups, magician and the high priestess. I read this as him being like, "yeah dude, you aren't woke enough"

YOONGI just give me answers pls. The high priestess is intuition and sacred knowledge, the magician is manifestation and the queen of cups is also intuition.

At this point I was like, okay you little shit, can you at least tell me how your soulmate is doing? Can you do that for me?

2 of cups, 2 of pentacles, 9 of wands and knight of wands. 2 of cups is partnership usually romantic, 2 of pentacles is priorities and managing them, 9 of wands persistence, knight of wands motivation for a new thing. His soulmate last time was in the process of going through some shit and figuring it out and it seems like now they've got a better clue of how to move foward and are currently heading towards good things/ important things in their life (possibly like working towards dream career or had an idea for a business the want to start or field they want to go in.)

I was thinking about the next question when this popped into my head, "if you know about your akashic book, do you know about your soulmates? Have you read it?" I used my pendulum. No movement at all. What so ever. "Are you listening to me?" Yes. "So answer my question please" No. "Do you like to watch me suffer?" Maybe. "Do you know the answer to the question" yes.

YOONGI WHY

This cheeky son of a bitch.

Now I was like, fuck it. Imma ask him the big boi question.

"Is your soulmate present when I do these readings?" Yes.

WHY THE FUCK CAN I NIT PICK UP ON IT???

I had to take a deep breath dude. Yoobi is testing my nerves.

"Are they hiding their energy?" No.

I was actually gonna combust. This makes no sense.

I asked yoongi if he would tell me what I'm not getting. Silence. So i ask my guide.

"lol ur dumb"

Watch me Google "how to fire your spirit guide"

Istg this feels like some dumb prank. Maybe I'm just genuinely oblivious to his soulmates energy or maybe I'm just doing something.

What do you want to bet that his soulmate is just hiding under the platform and I'm too stupid to notice or some dumb thing like that.

yoobi, sir, why must you do this?

I decided to continue.

"What message or thing have you learned from your soulmate recently that could be valuable to us?" I got healthy communication in relationships and deep replenishment.

Good to know you can have a nice communicative relationship with your soulmate bc I CAN'T.

I'm petty about it, sue me.

The message does stand though. Good communication and taking proper rest to replenish yourself.

Now I had to ask yoongi directly what he thought of may 13th.

I got the lovers, 7 of swords, the magician and judgement. The seven of swords was intresting and it makes me think there's some extra stuff at play here too. 7 of swords is about getting away with something and deceit. The clarifier was the magician.... this could mean a lot honestly. It could be that maybe yoongi will have his relationship exposed or possibly that maybe him and his soulmate meet but yoongi is disguised? Idk how that would work at all but I'm stumped. There's a lot of variations that this could be. The magician is about manifesting and having everything you need to create what you want. This could possibly mean that maybe he gets a sudden idea that's like, "oh I have to go here right now. Its super important" eventhough he has practice scheduled. So that would let down his team but he would be following his path and it might lead to him meeting his soulmate? Maybe vice versa? Idk let me know what you think??

With the judgement its about inner calling and kinda like the peak. Like shit has been leading up to this moment. With the lovers too it does seem like a union?

I asked him, "but like what's gonna happen on the 13th thought and I got the 10 of cups. Divine love, bliss, alignment, happy mushy gushy shit. This is why I'm so inclined to think that they'll meet on the 13th or things will get serious or their paths finally cross. The cards seem to heavily suggest that.

My dude. Yoongi is really sappy, pass it on.

For the last question I asked yoomgi if there was messages/ advice he had given to his soulmate that we might benefit from.

First step, open your third eye, open your heart, sign from heaven, open your arms to receiving.

A lot of opening lol.

It's good advice though learning to be open and receptive and taking that first step in tackling life or any situation.

Oki. Now for the disconnecting. It was not nearly as strange as it has been in the past. I was just like thanks dude. Again, happy birthday blah blah and I got up to leave. I noticed it looked like we were in sitting in one of those old plastic hoola hoops? Like the pink and yellow ones lol. As I was looking at and and like??? Off to the side the numbers 13, 28, 54. Obvi 54 isn't a date and then I the last yoongi check up there was book pages and I feel like 54 and 28 were the pages?? I'm not actually sure as I'm writing this so I'm gonna check.

Yep I checked. They are the page #s.

So that's intresting.

Other than that though I just kinda left and he was like, "bye" and that's all.

Not as cool as other yoongi adventures but equally as frustrating.

TLDR

Yoongis doing pretty okay and he's a cheeky little shit. My guide like to watch me suffer and yoobi is mushy gushy squishy.

Happy day of birth Syub!!

[none-of-your-biscuits]

Biscuits watching high guardian spice aka little witch wannabes ep 3: I literally fell asleep watching this at one point bc I was that fuckin bored

-I FUCKIN KNEW TALL WOULD HAVE A BOW IT'S THE STEREOTYPES

-their outfits are so fuckin dumb

-this intro reminds me of Christian music for some reason

-why tf is she swinging a sword around and eating at the same time

-also isn't this like a two handed sword why are you like this

-book go bye bye

-it broke?? Bitch you use that to fight and it breaks bc you dropped it on a rock??

-I like Tall she actually thinks

-woah okay was pepto actually like, about to add fantasy racism? Not the twist I was expecting but I'll remember that

-again with the being a little bitch thing, you have MAGIC cast a fuckin SPELL and fix it, it can't be that hard

-or take it to the blacksmith god DAMN

-what was that flashback, the diologue was exceptionally trash as always but what's with the teleporting again

-also why would you leave a weapon laying around when you have kids? That's like leaving a loaded gun on the floor

-oh the creepy teacher is back, yay

-why he walkin so fast damn

-getting creepy vibes again

-yknow, if I inherited a sword from my probably dead mom I'd be more careful with it, but like who let u into this school

-hmm maybe use a weapon that actually fits baby pepto, that's not how swords work, they aren't one size fits all dummy

-flowering thorn? That's a dumb name, none of you are named after actual roses

-you guys wanna be rwby so bad

-why do they have uniforms? Like why would you wear a uniform for like smithing or potions or fighting where it's very likely to get destroyed

-ugh the smith teacher's VA is so annoying SPEAK UP

-woo, talking to urself exposition

-the magic system is gonna be just as garbage as the rest of the show so I don't even care

-got a Spanish ad and thought I was going crazy

-"UR MOM LOL"

-ugh we're gonna have to see more of creepy teacher bc he knows pepto's mom huh

-oh either that's a dead twin or creepy teacher is trans

-"what was she like" u were literally having flashbacks about her you know what she's like u dumb

-guess blondie's gonna die, oh well

-"no swears" please tell me the mature warning isn't for swearing if I have to hear cursing in this horrible diologue I'll cry

-PURPLE!!!

-suddenly I care about this episode

-wait hold up her name is Amaryllis? Is that a spice? Do we finally get a spice named character?

-I'll google it just a sec

-IT'S A FUCKING FLOWER

-IT'S NOT EVEN A PURPLE FLOWER IT'S RED

-Ryll and Snap, the only funny characters so far

-ah i love when she causes problems on purpose

-ooh a non visually impressive cave, move on already

-I hope the glow-crabs kill blondie, we could use less main characters

-tall continues to do nothing

-ew

-I'd be cowering too

-a fuckin furry

-nebbi cat?

-"I am transgender " :D he actually said the word that's nice

-"*gives textbook definition and explains what trans is instead of just moving on*" >:(

-but really isn't this supposed to be a mature audience thing, like adults know what a trans person is you fucks you don't need to explain

-ugh moving on

-oh she's just trigger happy good for her

-"why am I even here" you can leave, nobody is keeping you here my dude

-blood? Is that what the fuckin mature warning is for? You don't goddamn need that for some blood

-pepto's mom broke the sword in battle and pepto broke it by fuckin around while eating subway

-the sideways angle when she was talking was weird

-bored again

-this is dumb I'd rather go back to anyone else

-why are they walking, why aren't they running? They don't have something better to do, do they?

-ew anime romance bubbles

-ugh it's gonna be a thing isn't it

-Tall finally doing something

-pepto continues to be fuckin annoying

-the outro still makes me want to die

-overview I guess

-boring episode about pepto being fucking stupid

-amaryllis continues to be the only entertaining character

-I don't like the trans scene it was so weirdly out of place but also drawn out for an unnecessary long time

-like I don't think pepto actually cares, we know ur just pandering to the audience who, again, if the target audience is supposed to be mature audience they're gonna already know what transgender is

-ugh I zoned out for like half the episode bc it was boring and bad

-also why has it been 3 eps and Tall still hasn't had like more than 5 minutes of screen time, that's weird

-I'm still mad about the spice thing

[agustdiv1ne]

thank you + milestone!!

damn, never thought we'd get here, did we?

in all honesty, it's been a pretty shit year. march 'til now has felt like the same month on repeat with tiny tweaks to make it all so much worse. but i'm not here to complain about the worst parts of this year, i'm here to celebrate the best ones.

this was the year that i finally started writing, that i was finally spurred to open a google doc and just type away until a tiny work of fiction stared back at me. my first one was 1k words, a rant to get all of my emotions off of my chest with an idol as my muse. it felt...great, though it also felt a bit odd writing after being an avid reader for years. i always did prefer essays to creative writing, but this year definitely changed that perspective.

i wrote that first blurb along with another fic in late july, and in early august, i asked my friends if i should post them. om august 3rd, i changed this blog from a fic rec to a fic writing blog just like that. i regret none of it.

it's been nearly five months since i revamped this blog and i couldn't be more grateful for the support i have gotten from all of you, whether it be a kind comment, a like, a reblog, all of it. i never thought anyone would like my content, but i've been proven severely wrong by this community. from my irls that are on here, to my lovely mutuals and followers, to those i've talked to a lil bit on this hellsite, to the writers whose fics i absolutely adore, to those who have left a like or a comment on one of my fics, i want to say thank you from the very bottom of my heart ♡

have a happy and healthy new year! i love and appreciate every single one of you!!

though i'm painfully bad at writing letters and getting all sappy, i wanted to write them anyways hahaha let's goooo

to @hwaddict:

my irl best friend!! my partner in crime!!!! i love you sm carly, and there are not enough words in this world for me to describe the extent of my love. you have been there for me during my lowest moments, you've seen me cry, and i don't cry in front of many ppl. i trust you with my life and i'm so glad that we became friends back in middle school bc you are one reasons that spur me to keep going. i can't wait to see where life takes us and know that while i might not always be able to be there physically (especially with college right around the corner), i will always be there for you in any way i can be. again i love you and i can't wait to conquer next year with you ♡♡

to @hopejanaee:

hope!! hobi!!! one of my irls! though we just became friends earlier this year, it feels like we've been friends for ages. it's crazy how close we grew so quickly but i am so grateful to have you in my life. you never fail to make me laugh whenever we're together and you're so chaotic but in such a good way hahaha. you were the one who got me into writing with your own wonderful fics so thank yoi for that. i'm so happy that we became friends because you're so kind and caring and ahhhhhh i love u sm ♡

to @oikawasmilkbread:

we talked for like 0.2 seconds but you are so kind and hella cool!! it was nice having random conversations with you and i'm so glad you randomly dmed me bc i am shy and i have 0 idea how to start conversations with anyone lmao. i always smile when i see you in my notifs! i hope you have a happy new year!!! ♡

to @luthenia:

i know you're on hiatus but seeing you in my notifs always excites me hahaha. we never talk but you are so supportive of everyone in this community and i just wanted to shout you out for that! your memes are top tier LMAO and i can't wait for when you come back, happy new year ♡

to @starsforten:

we also talked for approximately 1 second but it was so fun talking to you about astrology stuff (virgo sun libra rising gang hahahaha) and those teuta matoshi dresses! you are so nice and easy to talk to and i hope your new year is happy and fruitful! ♡

i recommend every single one of these blogs for their amazing content!! i added some of my favorite fics as i'm a whore for great writing hahaaaa

@kinktae

waterloo — a masterpiece! taehyung is so bitter at the beginning and it's adorable seeing how y/n breaks his tough shell. loved this from beginning to the end ♡

hot rod — the 50s slang, the dynamic between hoseok and y/n...*chef's kiss*

@untaemedqueen

welcome to seoul land — werewolf!namjoon really got me going, 100/10 would recommend

graceful gods — this is one of my all-time favorites, greek god!jungkook has my brain going brrrr

@shadowsremedy + @therealmintedmango

support system — adorable!! this is a hybrid!yoongi fic i really enjoy, and the series isn't over yet! check it out~

@bratkook

tear you apart — demon!taehyung...holy shit. i was speechless

@tatertotthethot

the doms next door — THIS SERIES OMG, i've read each part at least five times already. taekook got me acting UP

scream (posted to @yandere-society) — a really cool take on the movie scream with jungkook, yandere fics don't always appeal to me but this one absolutely did

@ateezmakemeweep

broken — the immense ache i felt in my chest while reading this, but i loved both parts with a burning passion. san is so sweet in this :')

@atinybrew

dirty free for all — the ULTIMATE demon!san fic. the writing is absolutely immaculate and this is the first fic that had me blushing down my mf ARMS

rice milk lattes and bryophytes roads — another san fic admittedly because i'm whipped for san lol. anyways, this was cute and hot at the same time and best friend!yunho made my double biasing ass that much happier

@seacottons

pan — an adorable peter pan!hongjoong fic, it had my heart going achhfhsjfjsjf

sir kiss me — circus au with san holy hell i loved every twist and turn of this

@actuallythatwaspromise

bad romance — one of my favorite yunho fics ever, punk rock!yunho x nerd!reader has my entire heart

aurora garden center and desire ink — florist!mingi had me uwuing for the entire fic, this was adorable and i loved it sm

@yeonjuncore

every single fic on this blog is an absolute masterpiece, i swear

the devil's little angel — THIS IS ONE OF MY ULTIMATE FAVORITES, demon!yeonjun had me screaming and it was just so fun to read and i loved every single second of it so much that i've read it nearly ten times now. so go read it, you won't regret it!

the boy with the horns — another of my ultimate favorites (i told you, their writing is just that amazing), woodland fey!soobin just had me going so soft :(( i literally sobbed at one point, that's how invested i was

bleeding heart — the tension between vampire!yeonjun and vampire slayer!reader had me screeching

curtain call — i have a sad crush vampire!soobin

i love you, always — this felt so..bittersweet? taehyun loves y/n so much, i lowkey cried while reading this

@angelfic

the art of (mis)communication — i am a whore for both reconciliation and yeonjun, 100000/10 pls read this i beg of you

@angelictaehyun

growing pains — ahhh once again a yeonjun fic, my chest hurt a lil bit at some points but it was so sweet!!

@neovisioned

bed of spiderwebs — spiderman!mark has my heart screeching, i loved every second of it ♡

eddie ate dynamite — johnny suh coming for my throat yet again

cupid victorious — cupid!jaehyun :'))) definitely one of my favorites!!

@domjaehyun

quarantine chronicles — ok if you haven't read this or the part two yet then you're missing out big time!! the tension, the buildup, every single part of this fic was just *chef's kiss* but multiply thay by a million

all these years — every single moment of this felt so nostalgic and the ending was so sweet :')

@caiuscassiuss

muse — i keep going back to this one constantly, the angst in this phenomenal and i love artist!taeyong sm here

@neoct-zen

loverboy — HOT, AMAZING, I SCREAMED. the blurbs that accompany this are also top-tier i recommend reading each and every one!!

@moondustis

pink + white — i'm so soft for mark i stg, this was the cutest thing ever

@loviejaehyun

can't avoid this feeling — hockey player!mark is the best thing ever

all tied up — i just- screamed as i read this bc professor!jaehyun is too hot goodbye

@hopejanaee

incapable — this is one of the best yoongi fics i've ever read ngl, it's not completed quite yet but the parts that have been posted are top tier!!

breathless — THIS. I LOVED THIS. yuta is just so hfjshhfhshfnsn and i love this sm

@hwaddict

melting point — big boy mingiiii, 100/10 would recommend

@okayau

house next to mine — frat boy!yeonjun rly got me going, cute and hot at the same time ahhhhbfnsnnf

youth — ADORABLE, yeonjun's confession is peak i love it here

run away — how many yeonjun fics can i fit in this post? (answer: a lot) definitely one of my favorite harry potter aus!! it was awesome seeing how their relationship changed throughout the years and perhaps i teared up a little at the end :'))

@starrychannies

baby steps — ONE OF ALL-TIME MY FAVORITE FICS ON THIS SITE, every single part is so well-written and ahhhhhfhdhhf chan makes me feel some type of way

my stupid — another yeonjun fic! angsty but v cute at the end :')

@baekhvuns

this youth of craziness — 40k words of pure gold, this fic is absolutely one of my favorite san fics ever!!

replacement — prince!ten makes my brain go brrrr, i love how the y/n just speaks her mind here

@masterninjacow

untitled project — i saw soulmate au with mark and i knew would already love it, and i did! pizza boy!mark at that, amazing and i adored it

more amazing blogs!!: @galaxteez, @poutybinz, @lustjoong, @bloominghigh

these are just a few of the fics and blogs i found this year, find more on my fic rec blog @agustdiv1ne-recs!! (my thumbs are starting to hurt i'm so sorry bfjshfhsh)

wrapping up each month since august since that's when i actually started posting LMAO

☆ august

03: good enough — chan

03: bloodsucker — seonghwa

04: cutie — san

09: veloxrotaphobia — mingi

19: want — changbin

21: numb — yunho

100 follower special — i reached 100 followers towards the end of august, my first ever milestone :') also my first ever time taking requests, 'twas very fun ♡

☆ september

03: on camera — jungkook

☆ october

27: oh, worm? — namjoon

31: demon days — san

☆ november

10: a letter to my love — xiaojun

23: bad for u — jaehyun

27: home sweet home — yeonjun

☆ december

christmas bash 2020 — my brain went hey what if you did this- and i listened so here's 17 holiday fics hahahaa (not all of them are out yet but i'm working on it!!)

things i plan to release in 2021!!

☆ sunflower — jimin

☆ cross — yeonjun

☆ landslide — seonghwa

☆ nice save — san

☆ red — hyunjin

☆ a secret series (that will be revealed once i plan everything) — ateez

☆ 4 unrelated secret fics oOoOoo — will i reveal them? you'll just have to wait and see ;)

there will definitely be more posted! these are the ones that are going to be my priority at first, but my imagination is always churning so expect a lot more :)) check out all of non-secret wips here!

i hit 500 followers a couple days ago! i nearly screamed when i saw that LMAO. thank you so much for liking my content because i work hella hard on it :') sometimes i feel like i don't deserve y'all really, but @hwaddict will yell at me if i say that so ig i take it back hfhshhdhg

a post for celebrating this milestone will come as soon as i finish up the rest of my christmas fics!! sorry that i'm so slow :( (hint: my requests will be open, so look out for it!)

so yeah!! that's it, sorry for the painfully long post (i'm sorry to my thumbs for typing this whole thing out </3). thank you to everyone who read this far!! i hope everyone has a happy and healthy new year, and in the words of txt's cover, fuck 2020. may 2021 be a much better year for all of us!!!

much love,

ashlee ♡