#I could give a four hour lecture without trying

[bloom-of-zeros]

Oh my gosh I love these two, they were like the only characters I learned to draw other than Raz, Sasha and Milla because their mental words are so good they made me cry. (also helmets was the intro of my favourite enemy, the panic attack)

One thing I do want to point out is that Bob’s main source of trauma is abandonment or loss, not just from Helmet but also from his mother and Truman. They are complex to the point their relationship is one of the least characterising parts of them. Nothing about Bob’s story relies on his queerness and it is treated with no fanfare other than the realisation he was married to a psychic 6 member. It’s really refreshing to just see genuine connection portrayed in such artistry without having to have them explicitly explained or marketed, it was a pleasant surprise. Also the lead up and music for the funeral sequence, ough, it was so perfect, it made me sob, it perfectly captures the somber feeling of grief. These two have arguably, two of the best designed levels storytelling wise.

I love the reverse kill the gays and how it explores Bob feeling like he was only valued due to his relationship and he manages to realise he’s wrong with his own agency, not Raz, compared to how the first game was handled. The fact Bob is the first to hug Lucy when he has the most reason to hate her is so beautiful too, and how Helmet immediately backs him up.

All of this is just a round about way of saying just how thought out even the overlooked partner is and shows the passion put into writing them and the direction they took their mental worlds.

I could talk forever about how good the levels are on a game design and art direction standpoint (this game was robbed at the game awards I’m still salty) and I’m so happy to see someone talking about them shjsjsmslsla

This game is a masterpiece and I hate how little it is talked about (God my 3-4 year singular special interest phase with this game is showing)

Honestly it is so masterfully made and avoids all the pitfalls that effect other character examples I can think of (such as Bugsnax’s Snorpy and Chando. They are fan favourites for a reason and the fact they are the way to unlock the DLC is great but Unfortunately Chandlo often feels like a jock extension of Snorpy that’s it. it sucks because they have incredible potential (I say this as a massive bugsnax fan who likes these two))

I’m sure I’ve said this before but Helmut and Bob from Psychonauts 2 are probably one of the best written gay couples from a piece of media that isn’t overtly a romance/exploration of queer relationships and I’m mad I never see anyone talk about it

They are explicitly depicted as gay (you even go to a mental recreation of their wedding) without needing to stop and explain to Raz/the player what gay people are. No reliance on queer coding or room for interpretation.

They’re major characters (though not main) in the story and their relationship is a big part of Bob’s arc. It’s not like they’re only part of an optional side quest with ultimately no impact that can be skipped/patched out in other regions.

They have distinct personalities outside of just being The Gay Couple™

Their sexuality/queerness isn’t used as a source of angst, it’s just part of who they are. While they both clearly have their own issues and personal demons, so does everyone else in the game (Bob’s main source of angst is that Helmut seemingly died during the battle against Maligula, but that has nothing to do with them being gay. It’s not like either of them deal with overt homophobia and continue the narrative of “being gay sucks because people will always hate you for it”).

Helmut starts off the game essentially dead, but by the end he’s able to live on as a brain in a hamster wheel with the promise of him eventually getting his body back. I think for a lot of folks but especially queer people, the hopeful message of enduring through difficult and sometimes even deadly times is very poignant and inspiring. It’s kind of like a reverse fridging/bury your gays lol

Their sexuality was never used as a marketing gimmick during the game’s prerelease period (in fact, I’m not sure it was ever mentioned during the marketing at all). This is especially noteworthy because Helmut got a lot of press otherwise because he’s voiced by Jack Black and gets his own song.

Everyone please play Psychonauts 1 and 2 they’re so good even if 2 ruined my headcanons

[venusbyline]

Jacaerys Velaryon — Nine Moons.

chapter four (previous chapter)

— summary: After Lucerys' death and the arrival of the dragonseeds, Jacaerys no longer wants to be betrothed with Baela. He wants to marry his twin sister, even if it means going against Rhaenyra's decisions and sealing suffering in your life and his.

— pairing: Jacaerys Velaryon x twin sister!reader

— type: dark, angst, sequel to Sleep (but can also be read as a standalone series)

— word count: 2.6k

— chapter's warnings: female!reader, dark!Jacaerys, DEAD DOVE: DO NOT EAT, Targcest (twin brother/twin sister), forced pregnancy, past rape/non-con, dubcon somnophilia mentioned, abusive and toxic relationship, manipulation, possessive behaviour, obsessive behaviour, gaslighting, blood and injuries, argument, crying, curse words, implied underage sex, referenced Jacaerys Velaryon/Baela Targaryen, forced marriage mentioned, dark content, canon divergence. no use of y/n. english is not my first language.

— author's notes¹: Nine Moons is a shortfic, sequel to the one shot Sleep, written for Kinktober. Both Nine Moons and Sleep can be read as standalone.

— author's notes²: Each chapter will have its own trigger warnings.

— author's notes³: It took a while longer than usual! I'm having a hard writer's block because of some personal things, and now I'm full of WIPs 🤣🤣 Anyway, please tell me your opinions and theories. Comments, likes and reblogs are always appreciated.

— tagging list: @neobangverse @hufflepuffxsworld @cwallace02sblog (Anyone who also wants to be tagged in the next chapters, tell me! ❤️❤️)

— crossposting: AO3

❥ Nine Moons masterlist • Jacaerys masterlist • HOTD masterlist

❥ about me • main masterlist

You had been inside the Small Council room during all that time, your hands shaking due to the tension and tears streaming down your face while you waited for the hours to pass, your gaze focused on the windows as if you expected to see some dragon flying over the surroundings at any moment.

The servants had already come to try to calm you down and bring you something to eat, their efforts failing brutally every time your crying fit got worse or when you pushed the dishes away, not caring about the noise of the wares hitting the floor or the women's frightened expressions.

When you threw down the fourth glass of water in the last four hours, Baela burst through the doors. "You need to loose that temper."

"Shut up..." You whined, turning to the opposite side and facing the windows again, wanting to get rid of any lecture your cousin and sister-in-law could give you.

"You are acting like a crazy little girl." She growled, approaching you without worrying about your form huddled in the chair. Her gaze dropped to the broken kitchen utensils on the floor, looking at the servants in the corners before staring back at you. "And you are scaring the maids."

"I do not care." It was a lie, you did not usually treat any servants that badly and you knew you would regret it later.

Baela sighed with frustration, sitting down in the chair next to you. The fingers of her right hand tapped the marble table as she rested her chin on the other palm. Even though you were not talking, there was heavy air between the two of you, your sobs irritating her and her calm behavior making you more frustrated.

You would have preferred that it had been your own mother who had come to try to lecture you, but she was too busy panicking in her chambers after the Maester checked that everything was physically fine with your little brother Aegon III. The boy had arrived in Dragonstone very terrified, having flown on his little dragon for the first time, his clothes damp with his own piss due to his panic.

"We still do not have any news about any of them, including Jace."

More tears appeared in your eyes after Baela's words. You wanted to scream, to knock down everything you saw in front of you. Jacaerys should not have gone looking for Prince Viserys II. Everyone was almost certain that your youngest brother might already be dead, but Jace was stubborn and gone to the battle anyway, instead of letting that mission only for the Rhaenyra's soldiers.

"He cannot die, Baela." You whispered, hands shaking and stroking your own round belly to ease the painful twinges that were bothering you during the past minutes. "I cannot lose another brother."

Baela remained silent for a while, taking deep breaths to control what she would say next, not wanting to get into trouble with anyone during such a catastrophic situation. Her head ached slightly, thinking about the order Jacaerys made before leaving with Corlys. "Jace asked me to give you that."

You frowned when Baela handed you a necklace with two pure gold pendants, one of them was a waning crescent moon and the other was a sun, this last one decorated with a small red diamond in its center. It was very delicate and matched perfectly with the velvet dark red dress you had been wearing since Jacaerys left.

"I presume these symbols have a special meaning to both of you." Baela's tense tone returned your attention to her, nodding silently and wiping away the falling tears with your free hand. "He asked me to give it to you over if he did not come back."

"Then you should not have shown me it yet." Your voice sounded rude and you continued to hold the gift with a firm grip. "He will come back. Everyone will come back, including Viserys."

Baela sighed, massaging her temples. The atmosphere became even more tense, you keeping admiring the necklace and the other princess keeping sitting next to you, thinking about something to say that would not worsen the terrible relation between the two of you since Jacaerys got you pregnant.

She understood very well about the orders Jace gave to her when he was leaving the castle, her wrists were still bruised from the way he held them and threatened her life. Even though she wanted to just ignore her sister-in-law and hole up in her own chambers to deal with envy and worry that consumed her feelings, Baela knew she should not go against what her betrothed had told her to do.

She needed to help you stay sane and ignore the hatred she felt about you carrying Jacaerys' bastard children. She needed to obey him not just because he told her to. Baela needed to help you because if something happened to Jacaerys' life, you were the next heir to succeed your mother to the Iron Throne.

It was already night when Baela managed to convince you to go to bed. Your eyes were reddish from crying and your belly continued to pain, as if the babies were sharing your fears and moving inside your womb more roughly than usual.

The necklace that was once held by you was now decorating your neck, fingers caressing the pendants and a few sniffles echoing in the private room.

You did not pay much attention to what Baela mumbled when she was helping you change the clothes. All you knew was that her gaze lingered a little longer on your big swollen stomach, frowning with the same doubt that Jace had been thinking just minutes before the argument and sexual moments in your chambers during that morning.

The princess' confused face turned pretty obvious that Rhaenyra was not sharing the secret details of your pregnancy with her too.

"Jace believes… He believes the babies are twins."

The white-haired girl widened her eyes, clearing her throat and looking away, concentrating on placing the white linen chemise on you, the larger size fitting perfectly on your current form. "Twin pregnancy, such a surprise." Baela feigned enthusiasm, tying your clothes carefully, noticing how your fingers kept caressing the sun and moon symbols decorated on your throat. "He really corrupted you, did not he?"

The rhetorical question raced your heart, your head aching as did your stomach. A part of you was grateful that she was behind you, taking charge of dressing you. You would not know what to say if you were face to face.

When you did not respond anything, Baela continued. "I mean... He raped you. Forced you to get pregnant by him. He is still betrothed to me... And yet you are more worried about his life than the safe of your little brother who was probably kidnapped or even killed when the Pentoshi cog carrying him and Aegon III was captured."

"Viserys is not dead." Your argument did not seem convincing even to your own ears. "And Jace is only engaged to you because our mother is making him to, and also—"

"He corrupted you." The repeated words were stark and raw, your eyes filling with tears as you walked away from the hands helping you dress, a mix of anger and sadness filling your brain. "Do not you realize how Jace is manipulating you? Making you think you need him, making you want him." Baela growled, rubbing the palm over her face, the last of her patience now disappearing. "He forced you into this situation, took advantage of you when you were sleepy and vulnerable. And now you are crying because you are afraid he is going to die!"

"Jace is my twin... How do you expect me to turn against him? To not forgive him? To not fear about his life?”

"Yeah, I know he is your twin. But he is also the one who forced you to carry these things." She pointed to your belly, which was already about six moons.

A bitter and vulnerable chuckle escaped your throat, crossing arms and turning to face Baela. The girl's full lips were pressed into a thin line, both of you controlling the anger they felt at going through all that.

If only Jacaerys had not gotten you pregnant, or if only Baela had given up on keeping the betrothal...

"You are jealous..." The spiteful and sudden demeanor was not well received by your cousin, who rolled the eyes and scoffed, waiting for the next hypocrisies said. "You are jealous because Jace loves me, because he will love my children and—"

"Did you see that?" Baela pointed at you without even letting your rant end, heartbeat quickening in anticipation of the bitter words. "He already got into your mind enough. Now you think I am the villain and not him. That is what he wanted. He wanted you to resent me for envying you, to forgive him for raping you."

"STOP SAYING THAT!" You yelled with salty tears streaming down your cheeks, flushed and warm from panic, sitting up in the bed and sobbing like a child. "Stop! Just stop saying that word... Please."

Baela hummed another scoff and was about to open her mouth to retort your request, being brutally interrupted by the sound of some guard knocking on the door to your chambers with frightening force. The two princesses were silent until the man's voice came out. "Your Graces, Prince Jacaerys Velaryon has returned."

The cuticles of your nails were ripped off by your own teeth every second that passed without further news. You refused the Maester's order to remain resting in bed, being banned to enter the room until the Maester and the other servants took care of whatever happened to Jacaerys during the battle.

Your hands were trembling, nervous for the moment when someone would open the doors and allow your visit.

Most of the things said there were not understandable behind the big doors. All you could hear were the movements of the servants, your twin brother's screams of pain and some comforting words that Rhaenyra gave him.

No one had let you see his injuries. In fact, no one had explained almost anything to you about what had happened. All you knew was that Jacaerys had been very attacked by the enemies and your youngest brother Viserys had not returned along with Rhaenyra's allies.

"You should be sleeping, it is late." Daemon's lecture increased the discomfort inside your stomach and you crossed arms to hug your own shoulders, wanting to continue focusing on the confusing sounds behind the doors instead of what your uncle and stepfather had to say. "The Maester has already said that your presence inside is prohibited."

You remained still where you were, however, this time you allowed yourself to growl in disbelief. "How can I go to sleep when I do not know what my brother's condition is like?"

Daemon crossed his arms almost as if he was imitating you, his big and strong body leaning against the doorframe. "Your twin was hooked like a fish in the shoulders. He was arrowed several times in the right part of his body. His dragon is also injured and I doubt the creature will survive for more than a month after all of this."

"Do not... Do not talk that way. Vermax will be fine." Daemon did not retort against your overdone optimism at first, limiting himself to just sighing.

The more Jacaerys' screams echoed during the procedure, the more desperate you became, moving from side to side, leaving the pain in your womb aside so you could focus on the well-being of the child's father. You could hear Jace's screams of pain and pleas for the Maester to let you in there, all requests being ignored by everybody there.

Your fingertips tightened around the necklace he had given you, and Daemon broke the silence once again. "It is inappropriate for a pregnant woman to witness a somewhat bloody scene like that. You know..." Your uncle told you the obvious and you clenched the jaw, not wanting to keep hearing anything about it.

Obviously you knew too well the reasons why you were not there to help your twin brother's suffering. And that did not make that any easier. At that moment, you did not worry about the baby — or babies — you were carrying, your attention was on ensuring that Jacaerys would stay alive until the end of the night.

He had promised he would not let you die in childbirth. So he could not die now either, right? He said during the morning that you were born together and would die together... And that was a promise the Gods could not ignore.

"Your mother would hate to hear this, but I am glad Jacaerys is suffering at least a little." Daemon mumbled nonchalantly and you almost threw up in front of him, now staring at him with your face paler than before. How could he say something so cruel? "Oh, are you really surprised that I think that? Or that I am owning up to my cruelty?"

Your throat burned with bile that threatened to come out, not answering until you were sure you would not vomit the food you had managed to ingest. "B-Both."

The whisper was weak, tremble... Almost humiliating. And Daemon found it funny. "Both..." He repeated with a mocking tone, thin lips pulling into a smirk. "What did you expect, dear niece? Your twin brother has been making my daughter's life a hell since his obsession with you became more unhealthy than it already was."

You shook head, letting go of the jewelry to take three steps back when Daemon dared to take three steps towards you. "You are wrong. These are the effects of the war. Jace was not like this before Lucerys' death."

"Perhaps. Or perhaps this obsession was already the start of a fire from the moment your lives were conceived together, and your younger brother's murder was just what Jacaerys needed to allow himself to show the true insane dragon that always existed inside him. Perhaps inside you too." He continued with those long intimidating steps, no more space for your legs to move back. "Jacaerys' soul was probably already sick since the moment you left him alone and waiting inside your mother's womb for a little while during the childbed and—"

"What?"

Your question uttered in a loud voice echoed off the large walls. Daemon, who was already close enough with his shadows almost covering yours, suddenly stopped. The man narrowed the eyes, staring at you with a look that could either indicate genuine perplexity about your reaction, or could indicate that he was just trying to escape the spark of curiosity and rage that he lit in your heart.

Daemon did not move himself, not even when the doors of the chambers where Jacaerys was being treated opened, revealing Rhaenyra and Baela's with with bloodstained clothes and tense facial expressions, now worsening even more after realizing something was happening between you and the older Targaryen.

Rhaenyra called your name loudly, but you ignored her, keeping looking at Daemon. "What is wrong, Daemon?" Your mother asked and walked towards the two of you to pull her daughter away, being stopped by her husband's hand.

"He said Jace was waiting for me inside your womb during the childbirth." Rhaenyra swallowed hard as she listened to your voice sounding as shaky as it did when you were just a little girl getting lectured for some poorly executed innocent prank. "Why the hells would Daemon say that, if you always told to all of us that Jacaerys is your firstborn and he was born before me?"

[104cadetlauren]

WHAT IF LEVI WROTE HANGE A LETTER POST-RUMBLING?

It’s been days since I finished rewatching Attack on Titan, and now I’m stuck with post-show depression all over again. As a Levihan shipper, I can’t stop thinking about my headcanon: that they always had feelings for each other but never got the chance to say it. Too many words left unsaid.

How could two brilliant leaders be so awful at saying how they really feel? It’s like they kept running in circles.

I still can’t move on from how short Levi’s attempt was—whatever it was he was trying to tell Hange. So, as part of my catharsis, I wrote a letter from Levi to Hange. I made it to help myself find a bit of closure.

Sharing it here in case you feel the same way I do.

Before you read it, I want to share with you Levi’s Hange eyes. The eyes, chico, they never lie

Dear Hange,

Oi, Four Eyes…

It’s been months since we stopped Eren.

The Rumbling’s over, but whatever came after… it doesn’t feel like peace.

I’m in London now. Onyankopon, Gabi, and Falco are here too. They’ve been keeping an eye on me.

The doctors say my knee probably won’t recover. “Probably” doesn’t mean “never,” though. Doesn’t matter. I’m still breathing. That’s enough—for now.

You’d like it here. Machines everywhere, doing what people used to. Exactly the kind of thing you’d ramble about for hours. You’d probably explain how the underground trains work, lose yourself in some lecture on energy conservation. I can almost hear you now—talking too fast, eyes too bright. I’d give anything to hear that again.

I wish I could hear you explain it all—half of it would go over my head, but I’d still listen. Or pretend not to.

There’s tea here. Real tea. None of that dried-up ration crap we used to get at HQ. You would’ve dragged me around to all the shops and made me rate every cup.

Tea tastes different here. Not worse. Just… different. I drink it anyway.

Hange, I’ve been meaning to write this. Didn’t know where to start. Still don’t.

After everything—Furlan, Isabel, Petra, Oluo, Mike, Erwin… you—

You were the last one. The final thread tying me to the old world. When you were gone, something cracked in me. I didn’t want to keep going. I was ready to stop. Thought I could handle it—turns out even I’ve got a breaking point. Did you know I almost died again? Some snake-faced Titan got its jaws around me. Ugly bastard.

I didn’t even fight it. Didn’t reach for the ODM. That’s what got me. No instinct. No reaction. Just let myself fall. If it were before, I’d have launched away without thinking. But in that moment? I didn’t care. I was done. Would’ve been a corpse in its teeth if Mikasa and Connie hadn’t shown up. Embarrassing way to go, really—eaten by a glorified worm while emotionally compromised.

But then I remembered you—all of you. Why we fought. Why you stayed behind. The vow I made to Erwin… the one that’s still choking the breath out of me some days.

I couldn’t let it end like that. So I hauled myself forward. Again.

And somewhere in the middle of all that pain, I kept hearing your voice. That question you thought I didn’t catch—back in the forest. You asked if we could stay there, just the two of us. You thought I was unconscious, but I wasn’t. I heard you. And for a second… I wanted to say yes.

But we both knew better. That wasn’t who we were.

Still... if you hadn’t fixed that damned cart… if you’d asked again…Maybe I would’ve answered differently.

You pulled me out of the wreckage after Zeke pulled the pin of the Thunder Spear. I was barely hanging on.

I thought I was hallucinating when I saw your face—worried, scared, too close. I thought, “Great. I’m dying. My brain picked you as my final illusion.” Typical. But I didn’t want to close my eyes. I wanted to stay in that moment, even if it was the end.

But it wasn’t the end. I woke up again—burning with fever. You were right there. Your breath, your warmth. You were too busy ensuring that your stitches were precise that you did not notice me open my eyes. You were beautiful. More than ever. I hated how much I noticed it that time.

You were thinking irrational that time. You were Commander. I was broken. Useless, even. You should’ve prioritized the mission. But you didn’t. That’s how you were. Always thinking someone else mattered more.

You once said we could live in the forest. I agreed to leave it, but that question stuck with me. We never got to talk about it. After we joined up with Pieck and Magath, there was never time. But it haunted me, Hange. When we weren’t arguing or planning how to stop the apocalypse, I kept thinking about that stupid question. I kept hoping we’d get to talk.

That day at the port—you told Pieck it’d be an honor to ride on her back. I saw the light in your eyes. The kind I hadn’t seen in a while. The kind that used to burn when you’d talk about titans or books or some ridiculous idea at 3 a.m.

I tried something then—cracked a joke about your unrequited titan crush. Implying that you had one right here instead. Pathetic, I know. But it was the best I could do. You dodged it, asked if our comrades would be proud. You pulled an Erwin. And suddenly, I felt it—that something was ending.

I told you to stop talking like him. You didn’t even look at me.

But I think you understood. You always did. No matter how clumsy I was with words, you got it. Maybe you reminded me about our comrades because you thought we didn’t deserve to feel anything when they were all gone. Maybe you were right.

When Floch shot the flying boat and you volunteered to buy us time... I wanted to stop you. I was dragging myself toward you, trying to find the words. And then you said, “Let me go. Please make it happen.” Just like that. Without even looking at me one last time.

I still see it. That moment. You turning back, that stupid grin on your face — like you weren’t about to throw yourself into hell.

I remember every damn second. The heat. The smoke. Your refusal to look at me. You walked away without giving me the chance to argue.

You said to let you go. Like it was something easy. Like you weren’t the only one who ever really saw me — not the soldier, not the name, but the person under all that. You understood me in ways I didn’t think anyone could.

I would’ve followed you, you know that. That’s why you didn’t let me choose. You knew what it would cost. One of us had to make it out. One of us had to finish this.

They say time dulls the pain. It doesn’t. You just learn how to carry it. But when it’s quiet — really quiet — I hear your voice again. Hear you rambling about Titans. I miss those moments more than I know how to say.

Did you blame me?

Did I fail you like I failed them?

There was something between us, right? I think you knew. Even if my words were a mess, you always understood. That moment—our last—it meant everything. I said goodbye in the only way I could. You knew. I know you did.

I don’t regret knowing you. Or letting you see the real me.

Maybe one day, we’ll finish that conversation from the forest. Until then, I’ll keep watching the damn sky. Those flying boats you couldn’t shut up about. Aviation is what I think you and Yelena called it.

I don’t know what to do with this letter. Burn it? Keep it? Doesn’t matter.

But if you’re out there—somewhere—just know this:

I never moved on. I won’t.

You were it for me, Hange. You still are.

You were the one person who got under my skin and stayed there.

I’ll keep living because you wanted me to. But my heart? I left that with you.

Until we meet again, four eyes.

Please watch over me.

Always yours, Levi

Note: Did you like it? If not, take your best shot! Comment or blog Levi’s letter to Hange. Let us trauma bond and give each other the closure we all need. - Lauren

[ellouchi]

One-shot: "Forget me not"- Jimmy (gn/nsfw?)

Disclaimer: unreliable narrator, Jimmy being Jimmy, implied SA in the ending.

Side notes: I knooow I've said I'd post it yesterday, but I was on four hours of sleep and completely exhausted from work so sowwy guys. I've tried my best to fix as many mistakes as I could so sorry again if you see any, I'll probably edit this fic again later but for now... enjoy!

Today, Jimmy would make sure you would never forgot him again.

First he just had to wait until it was the night time on the ship, when it was darker and quieter, without any extra pairs of eyes and ears putting a wrench in his plans. Standing in the doorframe, the man observed you like a beast it's pray — you were writing a report about your performance in the common rooms. You often got out of your own room to sit there, same old walls giving you an eye sore, you once said. You used to turn around, wave at him when he passed by, but now you didn't even acknowledge him when he finally entered the room — Jimmy had to tamper the sudden pang of annoyance that shot through his body and instead appear to be as nonchalant as he could master.

Turned out there really was just a single step between love and hate, Jimmy though to himself. It was a shame things couldn't be the way they were at the beginning.

Before all that, when you first boared Tulpar, you were just a temporary crew member assigned to be babied with until the management decided to throw you on another ship. Something instantly clicked for Jimmy when captain Curly introduced you to the crew, and no wonder: you were smart enough to stick to Jim — not too close to the sun, but not crawling in the dirt.

Jimmy didn't show it, but he quickly noticed how you sought after him more often than the others, turned up to him for advices about work related matters and laughed at his quips and jokes that he made. Hard work really does pay off, Jimmy would think to himself, while laying on the bed with his brand new piloting license gleaming like a precious gem in his hand. Unlike with other people, everything about you felt so genuine, so seamless and easy, Jimmy didn't need to try hard for you to look up to him. He could be himself.

Best thing was, the signs told Jim that the feeling was mutual. You were the first one to greet him with a good morning, last one to part with a good night. Looked at him with shining eyes, smiles lingering longer than they should. If you sitting almost thigh to thigh next to him on the couch wasn't the obvious signal from you, then Jimmy didn't know what was.

Even ship's underwhelming conditions turned out to be a blessing in disguise when the AC system broke down, forcing you to work with your blue jumpsuit peeled off from your shoulders. The man never missed the way you tugged at your yellow t-shirt, suddenly his own coveralls feeling a bit stuffy and uncomfortable to be in. At his playful suggestion for both of you to strip you merely laughed, but never disregarded the idea...That evening Jimmy, however, let his hand and imagination run wild with the thought of your hands exploring everything covered by the pesky blue suit and a plain white shirt he wore.

Problems started to arise when Swansea took a note of your budding chemistry. He usually would run his trap hours on end, complaining about this and that, patronising as ever with his "age and experience" seemingly giving him permission to preach and lecture others.

"If I were a green fool like ya I would stay a mile a way from our "watchful" co-pilot. He's more bark than bite, but all the pain in the ass." Jimmy overheard Swansea call out to you when you two stood together to get the melted sweet treats from the vending machine. Said co-pilot clicked his tongue in annoyance, throwing back a jab at the uninvited mechanic, fortunately prompting a laugh from the old man. Ignorant of both men's concerns you simply chuckled at the sight, not digging any deeper. Despite this, you begun dressing a bit more modesty, robbing Jimmy of the opportunity of gawking at you. That damn Swansea.

Days, turning into weeks passed uneventfully. You concluded your training, which meant now you were officially just another cog in the corporate machine. Same all routine settled on the same old freighter ship, except for a few things. The captain seemed to finally acknowledge his esteemed co-pilot by dropping onto him his own "important captain assignments". Which was false, Jimmy knew Curly was just growing too exhausted to fulfil his daily quota, though the reason eluded him. Another odd thing was regarding you. Jimmy had a feeling he saw you less and less with each passing day, without counting the times you spent actually performing your work. You were the first one to finish the meals, the quickest one to get out from the shower and the space ship manual practically never left your hands. Jim hated it to admit this, but he missed you.

The pieces fell right into their places when Jimmy entered cockpit one ordinary shift to hand in the paperwork he did in captain's stead.

To be frank, Curly was slowly getting on Jimmy's nerves for some time already, this whole "all capable and reliable" act seemingly never ending. However, no feeling of irritation could compare to only what could Jimmy describe as betrayal running through his veins when he saw you bowing and shaking captain's hand with "thank you". His "friend" was standing way too close to you and you — to him, no, straight up leaning in.

Suddenly snippets of you two hanging out in the common room flooded Jimmy's mind, you skipping out of the cockpit with a smile on your face a few days ago, you asking Jimmy out of blue what Curly was like when he was younger and Curly praising you for your efforts during the piloting--

"Am I interrupting something?" escaped Jimmy's mouth faster than he could register. His nails left marks on cheap rough papers he clutched, sweat blurring away the ink, all the boring tedious work done for nought.

"Oh hey Jim. No, not at all. Just helping out our new college with excess workload." Jimmy gaze hardened over the fact that it was Curly who stepped up first to clear things up. "You know how it is with Pony Express: setting high standards with small deadlines and...." Jimmy stopped listening to anything else that left Curly's mouth, his focus shifting entirely to you. You refused to meet his gaze by staring dumbly at the metal floor.

Why were you silent now?

Why did you avoid looking in his direction?

Why did you turn up to Curly for help and not him?

You, who followed Jimmy like a puppy prior, buttering him up with empty talks, asking him a favour after favour. In the end only to abandon him when you raised high enough on the ledder to turn up with your issues to the captain himself. And Curly, whom he considered his closest friend, instead of helping Jim tried to snatch you away. Being well respected captain wasn't enough, he had to lure away you too....

Jimmy should've figured it was all too nice to be true.

The man didn't wait for Curly to finish or you to start, instead he just threw the papers onto the fax machine and waved his hand in dismissal as he left, lessons learnt and mood completely spoiled for the rest of the week.

It hurt. But Jimmy had to keep going forward. Curly crawled back to him eventually like he always did — reminiscent of a dog with its tail hidden between the legs. At least Curly seemed to take the hint and grew distant from you, pushing the professional approach all the way. The captain managed to make amends, he had to, if it meant keeping the peace on the ship.

No, Jimmy didn't care about his friend's betrayal. What drove him up on the wall was your reaction, or the lack of it. Because you pretended like nothing happened, resuming your busy day to day life, but this time avoiding Jimmy almost entirely. Ignoring you in return wasn't an option as the relationship between you two didn't reach the point where you'd feel anxious without his attention. Jimmy felt sick — he grew too comfortable around you and it bit him back in the ass.

Here he was, struggling to keep his composure without hearing a familiar lazy "good morning" coming from you at the dinning table every day. Any attempts at catching your gazes never resulted in anything other than a pit heaving in his stomach. Jimmy begun skipping game nights altogether when you found yourself a new spot at the armchair near the massive screen. The man grew desperate enough to eavesdrop on your unimportant daily chit chats in distant hope to get anything out of them to use. Rummaging through your stuff also proved to be fruitless. Everything to no avail.

Jimmy grew sick and tired of waiting for you to come to him. It was time for him to come to you.

"We've got a fax message from the corporate. You might wanna check this one out."

Luring you out was too easy, the man almost felt bad for abusing your innocence. But it was your fault for being an ignorant fool and trusting a person you slighted. Jimmy never said it was an update about your placement, just a message from the management — everything else was your wishful thinking. You proded co-pilot for any information on your way to the cockpit, but the later remained tight lipped and instead chatting you up about the most mundane things happening on Tulpar. If you hadn't lowered your guard down, you would hear the click of the lock sealing your fate.

"Alright, let's have a look at what those higher ups prepared for me" you said with a sigh, landing on the free seat with a paper in hands.

Jimmy humoured you a little further, standing right in front of you with his arms folded in the waiting stance, observing impatiently how your eyes skimmed through the text.

"Uhh...Jim this is just a general reminder that our haul is reaching it's destination in 30 days."

"I know" he flatly replied.

"Sooo why did you invite me here then?"

"Man, I can't believe some people can be this dense. Goes to show we can't trust others with anything. Even reading the room." Jimmy grumbled, yanking the document from your hands and letting it settle down onto the floor. Suddenly the man buckled over the pilot seat you were sitting on, both strong hands forcing your wrists down on the leather armrests. "Do you still not understand why I've dragged you here?"

This got your full undivided attention — you shrunk in the armchair, trying to slip your arms away from the bruising hold. You were akin to the fish thrown out of water with how your mouth opened and closed, before you gathered back your thoughts to respond.

"W-wait what are you talking about. I don't understand...." Jimmy searched for anything that could resemble a lie in your frighted eyes, but came up with nothing. You really were painfully oblivious to all his suffering this whole time.

"Is it that easy for you to discard people from your life? Hm? Must be nice to go about your day without a care in the world while I'm left to wonder what I have done wrong to be treated this way."

You remained silent, simply staring at the man in front of you in disbelief. God, just why he had to deal with someone as slow as you.

At last it clicked in your mind, your brows knitting together.

"...you don't mean us spending less time together right? Or is it about that one time with Curly? I just have my own work to take care of, and the captain has already told you that we were j--"

A heavy slap landed on you cheek before you had any time to finish. The sting wasn't going to hurt as much as other things Jimmy had in store for you — you didn't know it just yet.

"Don't try to bullshit me now. I know exactly what was your plan from the very beginning" uttered Jimmy, bringing his face right in front of yours. He wanted to see you cry so badly, beg for his forgiveness — Jimmy was almost willing to beat you up with his bare fists if it meant getting what he desired. "If you really think you can screw me up and not suffer any consequences you are dead wrong. I was being nothing but kind and patient, even taught you things no-one else would, and that's how you repay me? By going behind my back to fuck your way up by using Curly? Sorry to disappoint you, but you're not even in his taste."

Once again the man could read complete bewilderment from your facial features alone. Burning pain on your cheek all but forgotten, you raised you face to meet Jimmy's. Tiny drops of glistening tears gathered at the corners of your eyes, you lower lip instinctively bitten and chewed on from the tension. It had to be one of the most beautiful faces you've ever made: full of confusion, fear and submission.

"Jimmy... you got it all wrong, please just listen to me." You've tried, earnestly tried to calm the man down, to find a way out of the situation you were forced into. But there was no reasoning, no bargaining, nothing left.

Jimmy leaned in to where your ear was, letting out hot puffs of air as he spoke. "You had a chance to explain yourself, but you've missed it. Don't forget that you brought this upon yourself. You"

Jimmy saw you gasp in horror before he smashed his mouth against yours with such force your head hit the back on the chair. Your lips have already been parted so he wasted no time tracing your lower lip with his tongue, hot and slick from all the waiting. That wasn't what Jimmy initially planned, but it felt right at that moment. All pent up emotions suppressed for god knows how long suddenly taking a hold of his better judgement. Actually, this would work too — it would make you never forget about him ever again.

You squirmed against Jimmy's hold once again, trying to turn your head away to the sides. Jimmy had to crawl on top of you to secure your head against the leather pad of the seat, fully inserting his tongue to violate your mouth. He lapped at you like a starved man, not caring about his stubble scratching at your skin or about the saliva seeping down your chin.

Jimmy caught a sights of your eyes squeezed shut which he didn't like at all. It seemed like his words didn't get through your thick skull after all, so he dug his knee right into you groin, making you jolt, stilling your struggles momentarily.

"Don't. Ignore me." Jimmy growled staring straight into your eyes. "If you want this to be over then just do what I say. Understand?" he finished, waiting for your response.

If it wasn't for the twisting ache in your throat, you would say something to Jimmy, but instead you gave a jittety nod.

This prompted Jimmy to finally smirk: a dark variation of a smile you were used to seeing whenever the man was about to say something witty. You instantly regretted your choice, cruel hand zipping down the fly of your blue uniform in a swift motion — from your chest to your abdomen, only setting the regret deeper and deeper...

"Then do me a favour and stay still, will you?"

[bambiimutt]

I HAVE ANOTHER! Ur hcs are so good bro omg they are so well written 😭❤️ could I have father figure Tim to the edgy teens, but angst?

like for examples: the teen finds Tim having a panic attack and tries to comfort him even though they are bad at comforting, Tim finds out the teen is struggling with a lot, or maybe they have an argument or maybe the teen goes missing for a long time and finally the police finds them, etc👀

SORRY I love angst

Father figure Masky/Tim and teen troubles.

Helping Dad!Tim with understanding you, some angst, he lashes out,just a poor tired man trying to help his kid.

TW!! None I don’t think!

also this songs I feel goes with this.. just the vibes of it.. it really helped to write!

Tim huffed out as his hands used the spatula to stir the food in the pot for the dinner he’d plan to have. You promised him you’d have some father/kid time but as long as you got to go out with your friends. But that was five hours ago and you still have yet to be back.. you haven’t even messaged him. His head is hung low as he ate his food, your plate on the opposite end of the table yet your presence wasn’t there. He shouldn’t be so upset.. though he kinda bailed on for two weeks to do shit that he shouldn’t be doing.. so he can’t be mad at you but still he felt like shit. You promised him; but he still gives you your space and lets you come home whenever.

The trailer is quiet, the lights are dim within the living room as you step in, melting snow falling off of your boots as you slide them off. Your fingers rub through your coloured hair as you peek your head to look around where you could see. “Dad?” You called out maybe a bit too loudly for the quiet home that absorbed you. Your eyes still peered around as you fidget with the cold piercing on your lip, the further you walked into the trailer the more your nose picked up the smell of food. Kraft dinner. Your favourite. He usually makes this when.. ah shit. You completely forgot. You were meant to spend the day with him but you wanted to see your friends.

You quietly ate, figuring Tim had probably gone somewhere. It was cold yet you still ate it, it was the least you could do. Your head rest back in the old kitchen chair, your arms hugging your body around your flannel, damp jeans clinging to your legs due to the snow. It was. A little too quiet.

“Where were you.” You jump softly at the sudden voice, causing you to look up and see Tim walking towards the kitchen, pj pants and a white shirt. He looked like he hadn’t slept. He looked frantic but angry all at the same time. His hands reached for the cupboards, slamming them as he poured himself coffee, cringing at the gross taste. You look around, fingernails picking at the seems of your ripped jeans. “Out.” Was all you got out. You knew where this was going. Another lecture. “And where exactly is out.” He spoke back, keeping that same angered tone. He hadn’t said it like a question but more of a statement for you to answer. You swallow. “With friends.” He breathed in before looking at you “yknow we were supposed to have our day today right? I planned everything out and you bail on me. I was okay with it for the first 4 hours but it’s now..” he looks to the clock on the stove. “Four in the morning. Do you know how worried I’ve been?!” He slams down his cup causing you to jolt again. The snow almost seems to fall more aggressively now. Something you picked up on as you stared out of the kitchen window to avoid eye contact. Funny how beautiful it could be but such angered moments could make things so sicking. The house suddenly seemed foul to you, the fairy lights you helped him put up suddenly became too bright, the food in your stomach suddenly twisted, the anger bubbled.. and bubbled. “Yeah well maybe if you never bailed on me, leave me for weeks on end without knowing where you go, I wouldn’t do this shit. Maybe I’d actually spend more time with you! I don’t even know who you are anymore!.” You finally stand, the strong legs that pushed you up feel shaky all of a sudden. That hurt. That.. tugged his chest in ways he didn’t like. Damn you. Damn you for making him feel what a father feels when they know they’ve failed. “That’s completely different-“

It’s not long before you’re grabbing your patched up coat and trying to rush out of the trailer door. But before you do, you look back. “Don’t say it. ‘I’m your father, it’s different’ news fucking flash Tim. You aren’t my dad. For a while I thought you were.. but you are exactly like him!” Oh dear.. he watches wide eyed as you walk out for house, door slammed behind you and your body running through the deep snow. He should be running after you, what is he doing just standing there?

The bench was. Not comfortable. The snow you wiped off of it had slowly started to cover the bench once more with new snow. Watching your breath turn into to fog put you into a trance, your body shivering as you watched it swirl within the wind. It wasn’t long before there was sirens and a man running towards you with two cops behind him. Arms immediately wrap around you, a blanket placed on your shoulders as the man helps you up. When your eyes flicker up, you see him. It’s Tim. Frantically helping you back to the car, thanking the cops behind him. Once he was in the car that silence itched back again. You stared out of the frosted window. “I shouldn’t have said what I said..” you state.

“It’s okay.” You both stare out of the window, Tim cranking the heat when he notices you shiver. “Do you hate me.” You question, your cracked lips softly frowning as you continue to stare, unblinking. It was quiet as he looks down, eyes closed. “No. No I don’t hate you kiddo.” You swallow before looking at him. “You’re still my dad.” He lets out a soft chuckle “still your dad.” You smile gently, your body finally warming up. “And you’re nothing like him.” His smile softly fades before looking back towards the window and starting up the car. “I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around” he covers it up with a laugh once more. There was an awkward silence for a moment. “Don’t do that again.” Tim speaks up. There’s a hint of a shaky tone, almost like he was tearing up but you wouldn’t pry. You understood why he was upset. “I won’t..”

“Or I’ll kick your ass” he laughs through his shaky voice and looks at you for a moment “love ya kid” he ruffles your hair before placing his hand back to the steering wheel and driving you both back home.

[jungwoosshoes]

Seven Of Spades -- Part I

Part 1 ----> Part 2 (Hearts) ---> Part 3 (Clubs) ----> Part 4 (Diamonds)

NCT x Reader Cardverse AU!

Pairing: Nakamoto Yuta, Johnny Suh, Lee Jeno, Xiao Dejun, Kim Jungwoo, Park Jisung, Qian Kun, Lee Ten, and Zhong Chenle x reader ; friend! Yushi x bestie! reader

Warnings: Not many--reader is a witch and kinda poor, there's some political conflict, mentions of sick people

Note: I refuse to use Y/N, so watch me struggle to write around it! <3

Word Count: 1.6k

What is Cardverse? Great question. It's an AU I’ve seen a lot in other fandoms, but not in Ncity so I’ll give a brief description. Essentially, Cardverse is four countries, all based on one of the four suits of playing cards: Spades, Hearts, Clubs, and Diamonds. They’re all geographically close to each other, and each ruled by a king, queen, jack, and any advisors. Kings and queens don’t have to be married! Here’s some visuals to picture the kingdoms better:

Spades:

Diamonds:

Clubs:

Hearts:

Feel free to ask any questions as the series progresses!

Anyways, without further ado,

Seven Of Spades -- Chapter 1

I sat outside, listening to the water crash against the rocks just feet away from me. I could feel the ghost of sea foam dance across my face, forcing my eyes to squint and my face to feel tight. A harsh breeze pushed across the water and up towards where I stood, pulling my hair away from my face so that I could see the Sun peek through the fog better. Just as I went to turn away, I heard a familiar voice calling my name.

“Seven!” It said, “How come you’re not ready?” 

The voice belonged to Yushi, the nicest boy in all of Spades. At least in my opinion. “Ready for what?” I asked. “Surely you don’t mean the parade three hours from now.” I called back in a teasing tone. “Of course I mean the parade! What else would I be talking about? You being ready to go pick herbs like every other day? C’mon Seven! We finally get to do something fun!” “I do fun things!” I replied. “We go for rides all the time!” “Rides along the same paths we’ve been riding along since we could get on a horse. They’re hardly fun anymore.” He retorted. 

Before I had time to argue, Yushi was pulling me back into my cottage. “You have to be presentable, Seven.” He began to lecture. “There’s a chance that the king and queen will see you!” “Even if they did,” I argued, “They wouldn’t keep looking at me! They live in a palace–they won’t be at all interested with some girl from the outer rocklands.” “You never know!” Yushi fought back. “Don’t you ever just let yourself dream of it for a second? Moving away from here into the palace; being surrounded by buildings instead of trees? Being able to afford modern furniture and clothes? You could have a stable for Cassie! Not to mention some dreamy royals!” 

“Yushi!” I yelled, giggling. “Maybe you should try to catch the royals’ eyes! “Maybe I will!” He smirked. “Seriously though, we need to figure out what you’re going to wear. We should leave early too–I want to get a good spot!” 

After we went through nearly my entire wardrobe, which wasn’t very big but still painful, we agreed upon a classic dark blue dress with a long-sleeved white tunic underneath. Pretty, but still standard Spade attire. I sat, watching Yushi braid my hair for a while before speaking, barely above a whisper. “I do think about it, sometimes.” “What?” He replied, much louder than I. “Living in a castle,” I blushed, “With royals and money and stables. Every girl does.” “I bet they do.” He smiled, tying my hair with a velvety blue ribbon. “Thank you.” I looked at him gratefully. He flashed me a grin, and began to pull something out of his pocket.

 “Before I forget!” He exclaimed, “There was a letter for you from the Wang family in Clubs–they left it in my mailbox again by accident.” “That’s strange–” I began to say in return. “They do it all the time!” Said Yushi, “You should be used to it by now.” “Not that!” I retorted. “I wouldn't be surprised if they just threw it into the wind and hoped that it would reach me! I’m surprised that it’s the Wang family–I don’t think I’ve done business with them before. Yushi shrugged. “Maybe they heard about your magic from someone else?” He didn’t seem concerned. He put the letter on my dresser and once again pulled me–this time back out the door. 

He ran to his horse as I walked towards the fence to get mine. “I bet Cassie’s excited for the parade!” He called. Cassie was, in fact, a horse who hated crowds, but I decided not to harp on that. Yushi was so genuinely excited that I wanted to reciprocate his emotions. After all, this sort of thing doesn’t happen often. 

I harnessed Cassie and we began the ride into the city. After some time, we met more and more people headed to the same place. I began to wonder aloud to Yushi, “Why are the royals even doing this, anyway? I can’t imagine it’s for fun.” “I’m not sure,” He replied. “They didn’t mention a real reason in the invitation letter. Maybe it’s just because they want everyone to be reminded of how gorgeous they are.” He flipped his hair as he said it. I let out a good, hardy laugh at that, and we joked about the possible reasons for the parade for the rest of the ride.

The city was bustling with more chatter and activity than normal when we arrived. Mostly, people were using the heavier traffic as an opportunity to promote their businesses, selling fruits and steel and all kinds of things at small booths along the main road. I came here every so often in search of ingredients or even to sell my own spells and medicines, but these streets never felt like home to me. I was much more comfortable with the crashing waves and big open spaces, as much as I liked to complain about them. 

As Yushi began to search for what he deemed to be the “absolute perfect parade viewing point,” My mind wandered to the royals. Everyone said that they were powerful-looking and generally attractive, but I really had no idea how they looked. I had seen them at public appearances once or twice, but those were years ago when I was quite young. My mind started to fill in the blanks, and I decided that they weren’t as beautiful as everyone made them out to be. They were probably just normal people with enough power to make everyone think they were extraordinary. Wouldn’t that be nice.

“Here!” Yushi yelled. “It’s perfect!” He had found a place just big enough for the two of us to fit along the rails that had been placed along the parade route, and it was close to a post where we could leave the horses. “Good eye!” I yelled back. We settled along the rail, and I couldn’t help but to overhear the chatter of the girls next to us. “I hear that the king has beautiful eyes!” Said the first. “I hear that the queen has the most beautiful smile in the whole kingdom!” Said the second. A little immature, but I decided to strike up a conversation with them anyway. “Do you guys know why this whole thing is being held?” I asked. “Nobody knows for sure.” The first girl said. “But everyone thinks it has something to do with the King or Queen searching for a bride!” “So they chose to do it through a parade?” I asked. “How would you elect to view all the potential wives within your kingdom?” The second girl said back. Fair. 

After what felt like ages of leaning against the rail and glaring at Yushi for dragging me here so early. I began to hear cheers from off in the distance. “They must be close!” Yushi exclaimed. “Can you see them Seven? Can you see?” “Not any better than you can!” I replied as he began to lean precariously over the rail, presumably to get a better view. “There!” He screamed after a minute of straining all the muscles in his neck. “I can see them!” 

I had never seen such a grand sight in my life. A huge carriage led by three strong, white horses glided over the path. It was open, but very high above the ground. The royals could be seen, but only from below. The carriage was blue with silver accents which dazzled in the sparse sun, and I could just see that the people on top were dressed in the same shade. As the carriage got closer, time seemed to slow down. I began to realize how rare of an opportunity this was, and how this was probably the closest I would ever get to power–to that life that every girl dreamed about. 

The carriage drew closer, and I could soon see in detail the people aboard. At the very front was our jack–Kim Doyoung. He had a serious face with glossy black hair and skeptical dark eyes. He smiled, but only slightly. Behind him stood two of the most beautiful men I had ever seen. Granted, I probably hadn’t seen very many, but still. The King, Johnny, wore a big, heavy looking silver crown atop his pristine yet wild brown wavy hair. He wore a bigger, more gracious smile as he drew closer and waved at all of his citizens. He was dressed in a simple, elegant dark blue suit with white accents, and his eyes were, indeed, quite beautiful. However, it was the man behind him that really took my breath away. The queen’s hair was longer, just reaching the bottom of his jaw. A much more dainty crown sat atop his head, and it complimented his matching blue and white outfit well. He came closer and closer, and he began to turn his gaze towards my direction. 

The thing I remember most clearly was his smile. His gorgeous, killer smile. God, I’ve never seen anything like it. He turned to look right at me and he gave me that smile. Just as Yushi grabbed onto my arm, the queen reached out for the king's arm. He nodded at me, and my eyes grew wide. Just as I was about to turn to Yushi to try and anchor myself, the carriage sped away. They continued down their path, and Yushi’s grip on me tightened. “He looked at you!” Yushi Cried. “Queen Yuta looked at you! Seven!” “It’s this braid you did,” I smiled, out of breath. “He probably wants one just like it.” “Don’t blow this off!” He hit my shoulder. “A million girls would kill for the queen to look at them like that!” “Well,” I replied, “We should probably get out of here before one of them does.”

[drdemonprince]

Hey Doctor Price!

Do you have any tips for how to stay sane while autistic with no privacy? I live in a one room college dorm with a freind and there's literally nowhere anywhere on my campus where I can have even 15 minutes alone without being on edge that someone will come in any second. I'm going nuts and struggling to cope :[

I was in a four person dorm room on a 50,000 student campus and suffered from overwhelm virtually all the time, and I had to compensate by learning to really scope out the places where privacy could be found, so I believe I have some relevant tips for you!

Locate the study rooms or study carrels that can be signed out for individual use, typically in the library. Keep a close eye on them and book them as often and as early as you can, as they tend to be booked up during finals quite quickly.

Scope out the computer labs and study areas in department-specific buildings and get a sense of their busy and fallow periods, especially ones that remain unlocked during the weekends. I worked in the Psychology Department computer lab as a work study student, and they were completely empty on the weekends. The Sociology Department's computer labs were also totally empty most nights and weekends too.

For that matter, find on-campus jobs that can get you some privacy, often lab monitoring or administrative jobs in smaller offices. One summer I worked at the front desk of the student newspaper, which was tucked away on the eighth floor of a massive building, and it got basically no business because it was the summer. I also worked as a Psych Department admin and hid myself away in the copy room and supply closet as often as possible. If a job gives you key card access to break rooms or bathrooms you might not otherwise be able to use, so much the better.

Find the bathrooms that are tucked far away from any heavy activity. Check out the basements, top floors, and down around the corners of long hallways, and near meeting halls that have to be reserved for special events. The Chemistry building had a weird, shitty women's restroom that had been converted from a supply closet across a long walkway connecting two buildings, and everybody hated it. That meant it was nearly always empty. In my old office in the Psych building at Loyola, there was a bathroom off the main hall that was busy, but then another that was up a half flight of stairs near a room that was only ever used for guest speakers. NOBODY used that bathroom. I spent hours in there curled up in the dark vaping.

Learn the rhythms of a building or area of campus so you can take advantage of slow periods. If a building only has one dedicated purpose, such as a massive lecture hall, try checking it out when you know there aren't any class sessions happening. If a building is only used for recitations but those are only on tuesdays and thursdays, check it out on a wednesday. I went to a big football school, so on weekends half the campus was absoultely crawling with sports fans, but the gyms were completely dead during that period.

Stairwells. Sit at the tops of stairwells. If a building has multiple sets of stairs, find one that's far off in a corner and then hike your ass all the way to the top floor. The southwest stairwell of Loyola's Information Commons is a place I've written whole essays in, and even attended Zoom meetings from, it's so quiet.

Learn you roomate's schedule. If you're on good terms, ask them to put their schedule up on a whiteboard where you can see it, and share your own. Both of you will want time alone sometimes, and coordinating can really help. If your'e on good terms you can text as well. If your roommate ever requests alone time to study or to fuck, you get to, too.

Find the totally useless neglected spaces by exploring a little. Some dorm buildings have a shared kitchen in the basement or an activity room with air hockey tables that nobody uses. Laundry rooms are good during off times. Because most campuses are in a perpetual state of construction, there's usually old union buildings or emptied-out department buildings that haven't officially closed down yet but have next to nothing going on in them. There's lots of small waiting areas by professor's offices in nearly every building. Try every door. Duck into available classrooms. You will get interrupted sometimes but the more you learn the countors of the place and its patterns the more mastery you will have, and the less stress you will feel about the possibility of being interrupted.

I know that you said there is nowhere for you to find privacy, Anon, but I promise you that is not true! I have been on 50,000 person campuses, 12,000 person campuses, and for a few years I worked on a 2,000 person campus. I was ALWAYS able to find tucked-away bathrooms, empty classrooms, tops of stairwells, and weird neglected study areas to find some peace in. You can too. Please explore and help yourself feel more in control of this stressful situation! Good luck and let me know how it goes.

[bonefall]

OHHH OK now im curious. bc of this ask: https://www.tumblr.com/bonefall/729548700508160000/could-be-like-my-cousin-shes-100-percent-deaf-in?source=share about dovewing being deaf. do cats in the BB AU have a signed form of clanmew? or is it basic gestures/just the written form of clanmew for deaf/HOH cats?

signed,

someone who really loves languages (hoping to god i spelled everything right/actually used the right words. ive been rewatching 3 hour psych lectures sine 6am...)

They have a rudimentary writing system! Clan glyphs be upon ye

It's not phonetic Clanmew, it's glyphs. Snowkit, before his tragic death saving Tawnykit, was actually OBSESSED with these. If he'd survived, he would have built these out into something he could use to communicate with. He was actually a really interesting kid.

But, unfortunately... that passion went with him. Whitewing is the next cat born with a hearing problem, and she's really uninterested in them. She isn't the same creative person that he was, and struggled with the fact that her family seemed to imply she had to "live the life he couldn't."

(note: in BB, dovewing is lionblaze's adopted daughter and bio-niece.)

I think there's going to be a big of a tragedy at play, here. Whitewing has figured out her own methods of communication. It's not a full language, but she's able to communicate basic intent with "rudimentary signs" she's created on her own.

She was only ONE degree of separation away from Dovewing (as Birchfall's, Dove's mentor, mate), but...everyone was forcing Dovewing into what THEY felt she needed. More hunting practice, more glyph practice, more lip-reading. Dovewing wasn't allowed to set her own pace or learn in her own way.

And her response was to bolt, taking all the possibility with her.

IT was the right choice for Dovewing, I think. She thinks that too. But, it wasn't the ONLY choice, you know? There's always things left unsaid and things you'll never be able to try when you make such a big decision. Who knows what could have been?

Maybe Dove and White would have ended up creating the start of a brand new dialect of Clanmew Sign Language, or changed the glyph system in a way that fit them better. Maybe that's not what matters; maybe they would have just been able to make each other feel less alone.

But as it is...

Every deaf, HOH, and mute cat in BB is currently disconnected from each other. They can't pool their skills except at Gatherings.

So Fallowfern, Dovewing, Whitewing, and Stoneclaw all have their own unique way of communicating.

There are tail signs which are used for battle, and glyphs which are used for writing.

Info: Those who go deaf later in life are still usually able to speak. Those who were born deaf often have a harder time. (Clarifying because this is apparently not common knowledge?)

OH! Bonus! Here's how each of those four tend to communicate!

Dovewing

She's REALLY frustrated by everyone forcing solutions on her. I think part of her actually really likes that she can say whatever and then not hear the response. It's like, "Deal with it. Show me you care with your actions if it's so important."

ZERO patience for people who just try to talk over her. She will immediately respect you if you listen to her carefully; only then will she give you the time of day to try and talk back. She kinda treats it like a privilege to talk to her, and she WILL revoke it without remorse.

People who have earned this privilege;

Heartstar. Naturally. And all of their children.

All of the Guardian cats, especially Antfur who is her best friend.

Violetshine, weirdly enough. She visits ShadowClan now and then and Dovewing is very fond of her and her wife and husband.

Strikestone and her new family

Squirrelflight

Briarlight

Alderheart and Sparkpelt

Twigbranch

Fernsong (BUT HE IS ON THIN. ICE. As Ivypool's husband.)

Her preferred method of being talked to is glyph writing. Heartstar is really creative with them, and it's super endearing. She improvises signs a lot and draws full pictures, making whole "doodle pages", even writing little "love letters" in the dirt before Dove wakes up. Literally peak romance, Dovewing loves her wife so muchhh

Whitewing

Also has low patience, but in a more "quick" way. She doesn't like people who take a lot of her time trying to phrase something simple and act awkwardly around her. Time is prey to Whitewing-- cut to the chase and communicate what you need her to do.

Interestingly, this leads to her really disliking Bramblestar as a leader. He's very inattentive to her needs when he organizes patrols on his own. She has very strong opinions and bad synergy with some of her Clanmates, and if she's forced on a patrol with them it ruins her day.

(She's really relieved when Squilf is reinstated post-BOTTE, Squilf knows about this quirk and accounts for it.)

Her love with Birchfall was actually a long time in the making. He really sees her, and something about the way they communicate just clicks. It's easy. They were friends, then partners, and then eventually mates and have been close their whole lives. Their body language just makes sense to each other.

She's been deaf her whole life and only knows a few very important words, but won't "speak" words if she doesn't have to. She does have a habit of making noises when she's happy though, beeping, meowing, and meeping when she's surprised and "not in work mode."

Whitewing is the kind of deaf cat in those videos who sees their human is home and goes "MEEEEEEEEEA." She would walk into a bathroom and wail so she could feel the vibrations on her paws. Vocalizing feels good. She is NOT a quiet person unless she's hunting.

Her preferred method of communication is mostly modified tail signs, but ThunderClan broadly uses glyphs, but she doesn't want to correct them on it. She feels bad telling them it's frustrating that they take so long to draw.

Stoneclaw

She has selective mutism. Her vigil was the night of the WindClan Massacre, and while sitting outside the camp with her temporary silence, ShadowClan attacked and killed her sister Thrushwing in front of her.

At first, WindClan thought it was nobility, that she'd "carried out her vigil to the bitter end." But it never healed. It's not a choice, it's trauma. She can speak when she's extremely relaxed but it's a really rare circumstance.

But, the legacy is to her benefit. She's the granddaughter of Tallstar (through Flylight, his adopted son), has an honorable story, and is a strong and confident warrior... in the daytime. She never hunts at night, when the sun sets, so does she.

(Clan cats are crepuscular, working in the morning and in the evening, but Stoneclaw only takes daylight shifts.)

Glyphs serve her fine, but she really dislikes using tail signs to communicate... brings up really bad memories.

She would REALLY benefit from someone making an effort to "legitimize" some sort of CSL, it would be like a support club to her. SO if it ever happened, Stoneclaw would jump at the chance to join. She's probably friends with Fallowfern though, once SkyClan arrives. Stoneclaw lives to become a very old girl.

Fallowfern

Mom of the Road Safety Man, guy who knows a million words for vehicles, Rabbitleap, and best friend and co-parent with Hawkwing, Plumwillow, Fallowfern is an old cat who ends up losing her hearing later in life like Dovewing!

I'm actually not entirely decided on her personality, but I'm feeling that she'd make a really good "glue" to hold everyone together. Like some kind of organizer-type person, someone who's very good at networking. She's really upset to be losing her hearing, it signifies a lot of really negative things to her.

She suddenly can't talk with a lot of people... even the ones who are reaching out to her are doing exactly that. Reaching out to her.

She likes being the reacher-outerer. It feels like being old and washed up.

SkyClan is a very good, connected Clan, with bonds notoriously VERY strong in comparison to the other Forest Four because of shared persecution... but

She's got this awful feeling that everyone's just coddling her, being nice to her, sending her to the elder's den like a trinket on a shelf.

"Does this mean... does this mean I'm going to lose music? Will anyone dance with me ever again? Do my babies want me to join them, or... or are they just tolerating stinky old mama <:( ?"

They're NOT, btw. Of course not. She's Fallowfern and she means a lot to them.

So I think at the VERY least, she finds a fondness for Stoneclaw at Gatherings. Elder friends, girlies who bond over making little grandma bracelets, but I'm not sure if it's HIT them yet that they can do something very cool together.

In fact it would be kind of funny if they weren't even aware of each other's disabilities at first, like they just started hanging out quietly. Fallowfern assumed that Stoneclaw just doesn't have anything to say and Stoneclaw figured Fallowfern was respecting her silence.

Like something just gravitated them to each other in the most natural, orbital way.

And then Snapstorm, Stoneclaw's wife, bumbles up like "Hey babe who's your friend :) ?" And Stoneclaw smiles, nods at Fallowfern to introduce herself, and then Fallow's like... "Oh I can't hear you, honey."

Stone: !!! (Taps self and makes a crossing motion over her throat)

Fallow: O_O "Ohhhh"

BUT, anyway,

Her preferred form of communication is unequivocally glyphs. I imagine SkyClan might have more written characters than other Clans, simply because they used them a LOT during their time apart under Spiderstar's Plan. Plus, they used to see a lot of road signs which they may have just adopted as glyphs.

Hmm... yeah, seems very cute that The Road Family's traffic theme continues, lmao

[bigtreefest]

Hi Essie!

I was just reading your post on your application and this is just a thought -- you don't have to respond at all if you don't like this idea!! this idea is purely my CPH4 brain talking I swear I have nothing to do with this lol

So, a young man (okay maybe not so young he was born four years ahead of you according to his page in the uni website ) with some very serious frowning becomes your thesis supervisor at the end of the term. He taught one lesson that you attended and you didn't know him very well besides his name. He rarely speaks, always listening to your presentation/answer, and very occasionally asking "do you have any questions for me?"

Nevertheless, you have impressive GPA and at the end of that term, you decided to apply for a PhD. You already have two letters of recommendation, one from a professor that you have known for two years during your Master's, one from a professor that supervised your Bachelor thesis and teaching a few courses that you attended.

But this damn Graduate School that you want to get in requires THREE. THREE FUCKING RECOMMENDATION LETTERS. And it specifically requires the letter from your dissertation supervisors.

You ask, not with much hope, your current supervisor, the lecturer with a very serious frowning look on his face, whether he could provide you a letter of recommendation.

To which he responded, texting back in a matter of seconds.

-Ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw.

NOW, the question is: Is he

or

or

----I just thought it'd be hilarious if he's very serious during class and meetings while he's basically any 20-somethings when texting you and discussing things that he shouldn't be sharing with you (like the content of your recommendation letter, or the fact that three recommendation letters is absolutely worthless even though he's providing one for you, or that because another professor is cranky and possibly stealing work from their students, you def shouldn't be choosing him as your doctor supervisor)

Oh I absolutely adore this ask! Thank you so much for sending this in, I unfortunately know the hierarchy of academia too well which is why I honestly think I would be rolling my eyes at these standards, too. I took the prompt and ran with it. 😂

I wanna talk about the other two options before I get to my choice. All below the cut bc it’s long.

Let’s discuss Ari:

Throughout Ari’s undergrad degree, he played football and was greatly interested in world policies, so everyone thought once his sports career and degree was over, he’d be ready to get out there. Nope. He really wasn’t sure where to start, so instead, he decided to keep going with schooling.

His grades were just good enough for him to get into the program you were applying to now. Varsity athletics looked great on the application and his charm was the extra boost. Now that he’s in it though, it’s been almost seven years instead of the usual four to five. Part of it is him going in without much of a plan, wanting to try every avenue, while the other is him just not caring enough to push further and just finish the degree. He’s getting paid just enough to get by and no one has threatened to kick him out, so he enjoys the coasting and the free time it gives for him to look into his actual passions.

Part of the PhD program is all of the grad students sitting in a room grading exams of undergrads every few weeks, and during this, Ari really shows his personality. They have to sit there for hours on end, and it can get boring, so Ari will tell stories to the kid next to him to pass the time, except the room is so quiet that everyone hears. These will range from the various dates with odd girls, to that time he saw a video of someone cooking salmon in the dishwasher, so he tried it out. “It was pretty decent. I swear it’s Kosher! I would do it again if it didn’t take so long.”

Any time he gets trusted to teach, which is rare since his advisor doesn’t really want it in order to guarantee the kids are being taught correct content, questions are not answered very well. It’s either with a “hell if I know. Use google. That’s how they do it in the real world.” Or “wait for the professor to get back. This isn’t my expertise.” Both technically valid, but not what a younger student wants to hear from someone in a position of authority.

Star Student Steve:

Steve was born for upper-level studies. He’s been ready to graduate essentially since getting into the program, knowing exactly what he wanted to research right off the bat. He knows all the content well and is well-liked by students and professors alike. The undergrads have a habit of ogling him and crowding his office hours, so you never even bothered to go. Pending his early graduation, he’s already been offered a job at the university with a full federal research grant, which he could use to travel or gain equipment for his projects. He’s probably considering this, unless one of the prime companies/agencies gives him a better offer. He can’t wait for the opportunity to make new rules and discoveries in the field, just needs to find the best route to get him there. (Talk about a CPH4 brain, haha)

With all of this going on, though, he doesn’t have time for much else. Sure, he’s very kind, but he’s always on the move. Students are not his first priority right now if he wants everything in place to be successful and make history. When it comes to picking an advisor, everyone wants Steve, but after hearing all that, and the standard he might hold you to without giving you the time of day to reach that level, do you really want him?

My wonderful choice Curtis:

(Even before I saw my options, this description was screaming ‘Curtis’ to me.)

He’s definitely the kind of silent student who puts his head down and does his work because it’s difficult stuff. Some may say it’s even more difficult than Steve’s if they knew what Curtis actually did, but he’s so silent and keeps it to himself unless he’s asked. It’s not because he doesn’t want to share, it’s more because when he’s interacting with students, he understands his job is to help them first and foremost. Although Curtis may have been busy, he never rushed and made sure his full attention was on the task or person at hand.

All the Professors know Curtis and really like him for his work ethic and ability to maintain balance and remain a grounded person, except he’s just not a poster boy like Steve. For this reason, his advisor trusts him enough to teach certain classes since Curtis parses out his time well and not only knows the content, but cares about it deeply. At the end of his lectures, though, when he asks for questions, it’s radio silence. Perhaps it’s because he taught the material so well, but even Steve and Ari get the odd question about their research or last Sunday’s football game. Curtis gets disinterested stares until he dismisses everyone. Office hours are pretty quiet, too, until right around exam time when a few students come to him for help since everywhere else was so full. After seeing how helpful he is, yourself included, they keep going back to him, keeping it to themselves, though, keeping him their hidden secret gem.

The lack of recognition Curtis gets is a shame, though, because he’s so nice. Actually, not just nice, but genuinely kind. When you were assigned with him as your advisor, you weren’t really sure what to do. Not many talked about him and the stoic demeanor was a little intimidating, until you actually spoke with each other. He was so sweet and engaged, asking you questions and providing guidance not only on what he thought might work the best, but how to go about it and how to properly convey ideas to the committee panel members at the end. He gave you his phone number, too, in case you needed any help at all, saying he’d pick up anytime.

When you asked him for your letter of recommendation, he was elated. “No one has ever come to me for that before, but ofc. When do you need it? Send your transcripts btw. And your resume.”

Curtis was right, though, he had never had to be the voice of authority vouching on someone’s behalf since up until this point, he was in your exact shoes. “Don’t be nervous to ask questions, but I also don’t want you to think that I’ve got all the answers and you’re not good enough. The only difference between you and me academically is like four classes content-wise. I just have more hands-on experience.” He said it with a soft, reassuring smile that really put you at ease.

He’s aware of the system, and of course he hates it, because he knows what it’s like to be at the bottom. Throughout his time putting together your recommendation, he’s messaging you with updates. “I’m going to add this because they really like to see it specifically highlighted,” or “I’m not even sure what they’re asking here, but it’s fucking stupid if you ask me. Conventions like this are ridiculous. I hate that these decisions are made by people who aren’t even on the ground. If they actually took part in this program, they’d see you’re more than qualified to get into it. But no, for some reason, all important decisions are made by old people so far removed from actual work.”

That second one was in person, though. It wouldn’t look good to have him saying those things in writing. He rolls his eyes before switching back to his reassuring, charming self.

“Anyway, don’t worry. I’ll make sure it’s good.”

And then as he sits down to write, he constantly sends you lines from it. “Does this sound too braggy? Am I hyping up your work too much? I feel like it wouldn’t be fair if I was casual about it, but we’re rocking with a lot of enthusiasm right now and idk where the line is where it’ll seem insincere.😅”

You tend to hang around Curtis a lot while you’re working on finishing up. On small work breaks, he tells you about the weird little things the other PhD students have sent to his email. “I’m what, four years older than you? And so are these other guys, but I swear they act like they’re twelve.” It helps you to laugh at his small little complaints in a time of building stress. He lets you into his life and you see he’s a normal person, just a few years older than you. He’s the whole reason you know about Ari and the dishwasher salmon, and he helps to break down the barriers you feel against everyone in his program that seems to know so much. Half of your conversation is weird everyday things about his life you’re sure no one else has given him the space to talk about. “You texted me while I was watching the hockey game, they were losing anyway so I was grateful to do something else.” He was in the city…at the actual hockey game…drinking a beer and scrolling emails…. Or “my apartment has a no pet policy, but my roommate got a cat, so I hope you don’t mind the little guy joining us today. Just while the landlord does some maintenance so we don’t get kicked out.” He’s half shuffling through the papers on his desk, half giving you an amused smile thinking of the whole situation. Of course, it can’t all be personal, though, so he continues to sprinkle advice in here and there.

“Also, if you wanna keep your sanity around here, keep away from Levinson’s advisor. Not only is he just straight-up a ridiculous man, but he won’t push you if he likes you. And if he hates you, you’ll know it a mile away. That’s why I never chose him for my committee meeting.”

As you prepare to defend your thesis, Curtis is sitting with you in the hallway. He’s been prepping you for this presentation for weeks, but for peace of mind, he asks you potential questions as you wait to be called in. He holds a paper copy of your thesis, saying once again “you’ve got this. Just like the rehearsals. No one knows this stuff better than you. Show them that.” As you stand in front of the small crowd, he gives you a thumbs-up and watches with approving nods as your blow it out of the water.

He gives you a big hug when you pass and an even bigger hug when you stop by the small TA office and visit his desk to tell him about your official spot in the PhD program. “I can’t wait to work together more with you. You’re going to do great things, I know it, and I’m proud to be a part of it.”

[silendastral]

It's literally how I'm telling my friends something in 2021. Once upon a time there were 4 muscle car. They studied at school like all the other vehicles, but suddenly one of them, Vince, came up with the idea of creating a musical band. His three friends picked up the idea, and so the Queens group appeared, consisting of: solo vocalist - Sonny Backing vocalist and bassist - Barry; Drummer - Lenny ; and Vince, who founded the band, but was just a guitarist. They gave their concerts in some cafes and pubs for relatively good money (in their opinion, cuz they are students). But there was such a goof-off, like one of the ratty little boys, who quickly told the whole class about the young musicians, and then the teachers and the director got it. As a result, the guys were given a two-hour lecture about the fact that mat notes are good, but in the songs it's like that at all.; "you're singing about suicide, are you sick? And how will people look at it?"; "what you earn is very good, but first you need to study, and you take and ruin your health, suffer from lack of sleep, look at what shitty grades you have... Except for you, Barry, you surprisingly still have good grades" (And Barry hasn't slept for two days, yeah yeah). And after this lecture, they still have to go home, and already there you get savory punches from their parents. But something went according to a relatively different scenario.: Vince was even praised for making extra money in the family and playing the guitar. Dad almost ate his son out of his pride. Lenny's parents didn't pay attention to this. Standard dinner, they just asked how long he had been doing this. Barry has a strict mother who spent the rest of the day yelling at the child in the manner of "I RAISED MY CHILD, AND HE SWEARS!? DO YOU THINK THAT MATTING MAKES YOU COOL? GOD, IT'S ALL YOUR STUPID FRIENDS. WE NEED TO TIGHTEN OUR CONTROL OVER YOU." As a result, she brought the kid to tears and left him without dinner and breakfast + house arrest, where he needs to go home immediately after school, without any delays, etc. or else she will come up with 100,500 ways to punish her son. Sonny has a somewhat similar situation to Barry's, only his stepfather is not so cruel - they ywo yelled and shouted, then ignored each other. After a week, everything was fine with them once again. The band continued to perform, but without Barry, whom they sometimes called "mama's boy", who could not resist some of her orders. And the blue-eyed muscle car himself was hurt, it was unpleasant that he became an outcast even for his friends. And so it continued until graduation. And there the situation became quite good, because the mother went to a psychologist, and they were able to discuss everything that could bother her, and she was no longer so categorical about her child, and they were able to discuss something at the family table sometimes. And then she apologized for all the problems she had caused Barry, and a month later she had an accident where she couldn't survive. At his mother's funeral, Barry almost screamed in despair near the coffin. So much so that he did not notice that all this time his old school friends were next to him, who looked at him with sympathy. Life went on, the band returned to its former lineup, and everything was fine: performances, booze, a dance floor, a rented house for four with three garages (for Sonny, who likes to sleep and relax alone; for Lenny, where he always watches his TV shows or practices on drums; and the garage that Vince has to share with Barry). After that, the leader of the Queens got tired of driving only in their city, and decided to set off with the guys along Highway 66, along the way giving concerts in pubs of cities they met on their way, and also decided to try themselves in street racing, where Sonny felt like a submarine in the water, so he often won prizes, which This further increased their reputation, and more and more listeners appeared at their chants. And then they ended up in Klaxon Valley, where they "met" McQueen...

[somethingclevermahogony]

Find the Word Tag

I was tagged by @willtheweaver , thank you! My words are: Moon, meet, may, might

Your words are: Fright, Fly, Fire, and Fang

Moon

As the hours passed Ninma regretted not grabbing a second cloak before they left, goosebumps sprang into being up and down her arms as the soft winter breeze nipped at her. They were already nearly there, no point in turning back now. The moon was little more than a sliver, accentuating the belt of stars and planets painted across the velvet heavens. The hills had leveled out revealing a wide-open plain. Jani held the torch up higher, illuminating the white expanse. In the distance they could see lights; reds, blues, and greens that were little more than dots on the horizon dancing like fireflies.

Meet

Ninma grumbled. She was still steaming over his earlier comments.  Istek continued. “However, I ain’t gonna let you just get away with sneaking onto my ship for free. If you’re going to be on my ship, you’re going to have to work." Ninma muttered and kicked her feet, unwilling to meet the captain’s gaze. Istek barked, " I don't abide by mumbling on my ship, sailor! Speak up!" Ninma and Narul both jumped. " Ok! Fine! I'll work! What do you want me to do?" Ninma huffed.

May

“An arrow without fletching.” The boy sighed, fiddling his thumbs. He had received this lecture before. “Exactly, an arrow without fletching may still fly but not as far or gracefully as its counterpart, so too can an uneducated king rule, but his rule will be inferior to that of his worldly peers.” Akard stood up once more, turning to the tutor, who bowed his head deeply. “Now, tell me what is this boring poem that you have been teaching him?”

Might

Narul planted himself in the middle of the road. The cart came to a stop, the merchant and his two guards eyeing him carefully. “Can we help you, sir?” The merchant said, nervously patting his robe.  “Yes, you can. I would like you to release those people, now.” “Are you proposing that you would like to buy them? Forgive me, but you don’t look like the kind of person that carries much silver.” “I’ll give you this.” Narul dropped the body of the Kirki to the ground in front of them. “I’m sure that the pelt is worth something at least.” The merchant inspected it cautiously, stepping down from the cart to pry open its maw and examine its teeth and claws. “That might be worth two or three of them, maybe even four but not all eight of them.” The merchant crossed his arms, trying to hide his discomfort. Jani, who had been silent until then, stepped forward and pushed out his chest. He proclaimed in a grandiose voice. “Do you dogs know who you are talking to? This is Narul! The slayer of serpents, earthshaker, the great Demigod! His might cracks mountains! His fury births storms! Be glad that he does not separate your puny heads from your bodies for questioning him! If he wanted to take your slaves, he would just do so! Consider yourself lucky that he would give you a boon so great as the fruits of his hunt!” Narul stared at the boy, at a loss for words. Jani smiled and shrugged sheepishly. The merchant and his guards shifted nervously, glancing from the monster to Narul and then the hammer at his side. They had heard stories of the demigod, but these had largely been written off as folktales, wild legends born from the chaos of a land at war.

Tagging @illarian-rambling , @kaylinalexanderbooks , @scribble-dee-vee , and @roach-pizza

[julieverne]

"You're my daughter, darling. Of course I love you," Constance says, and Maura wishes she could believe her. She lets herself be held anyway, understanding that Constance is trying. That Constance believes she loves Maura.

+++

"I loved you before you were born, and I'll love you long after I'm dead. I only regret that I didn't have as much time with you as I could have." Hope's eyes fill with easy tears, and Maura nods. Knowing how it must have felt for Cailin to live up to a dead baby, because that's what she's trying to do. She lets Hope hold her, rock her like the baby Hope sees when she looks at her. The one she still mourns.

+++

"I'm sorry I'm calling and I'm sorry about the way I was, last time you saw me," Frank Rizzoli says, and Maura knows how hard it must be for him to apologise. "I know I can't make it up to you, and I really do appreciate you taking care of them all the way you did when I..." And he's gone, and Maura stares at her phone.

+++

Maura visits Paddy in jail, now and then. Sometimes with Jane, sometime without. He's never said it, but Maura knows. She remembers the sepia photos of her school days, knows Constance fed him information, even knowing who and what he was. Maura has always wanted to be loved, and Paddy has always loved her. From afar. It's awkward up close, especially since he knows so much about her and she knows so little about him.

"Thanks for coming," he says, his voice low like he doesn't want to scare her. He fiddles with rings that aren't there, and Maura clenches her own fingers, aware she is mirroring him. She reaches out a hand across the table, the guard watching carefully for any transfer, and she covers his hand with hers. Jane's smile is soft and sweet, her hand on Maura's lower back on their way out to show support.

+++

"Maura, you're brilliant and I love you, but you are so wrong." Cailin pulls up an article - one Maura hasn't seen. One that adds ambiguity to a previously straightforward scientific statement. Maura reads it, her brow creased.

"I love you too, but the parameters of this experiment are not holistic enough to give a definitive conclusion," Maura informs Cailin. "The sample size is insufficient, and it hasn't been peer reviewed."

"Yeah, but it's possible," Cailin goads, and Maura concedes with a nod. Jane watches with wide, pleased eyes.

+++

"Would you like to come to a lecture with me?" Arthur asks, and Maura agrees. Knowing that Arthur is a simple yet complex man, and that his love for her, however misguided, is firm and steadfast.

+++

Maura brings LC to the aged care facility, and today Paddy Senior smiles at her, then Jane, before smiling at LC.

+++

"I couldn't love you more if you were my own," Angela says, and Maura is already adopted, a single child with a dead half brother and a living half sister after nearly four decades. She does not need another mother, but sometimes she does need mothering so she lets Angela's embrace enfold her.

+++

Jane wakes from nightmares; she texts. Sometimes Maura goes to her, sometimes she comes to Maura. They huddle together in the same bed like all the sleepovers Maura always wanted and never had.

"Thanks," Jane says quietly. She cradles Maura's head on her chest, and Maura can't imagine being closer to any other single living thing in her life. Jane's heartbeat, so familiar and steady. Jane's breath brushing through her hair. Jane's fingers rubbing at any tension she finds in Maura's shoulders and back.

There are people who say they love Maura, and people that don't. There are people Maura doubts, because sometimes she doesn't feel she deserves to be loved.

But here and now, with Jane, she has no doubts. Nothing but Jane's heartbeat bared to her, the soft Jane that only Maura gets, treasures and hoards.

"I love you," Jane whispers, hours later, assuming Maura is asleep. Maura chuckles, and Jane's heartbeat spikes, beating crazily beneath Maura's ear.

"I know. I love you too," Maura says, nuzzling closer into her favourite pillow of Jane's chest. Jane's heartbeat slows and steadies, and Maura has found the one love she's never doubted, has never had to doubt.

Anything else can wait until morning. Because now she's lying in the arms of the woman she loves, the woman that loves her. And Maura knows she deserves to be loved by Jane, and she never, ever doubts that she is.

[shootingstarpilot]

hello and congrats on the new job in Utah!! I lived there for 3ish years and I still miss it sometimes. I just wanted to pop in and say that if you’re going to be in the SLC area and looking to make friends/meet new people, Under the Umbrella bookstore is an amazing indie bookstore that does a lot of community-building events for the local queer community! They were located near my old work and I never did much more than buy books but they do the *coolest* stuff and sometimes I lived in Utah again just so I could go to their events lol

Listen, I saved this ask so I could have it at hand for reference when I actually got into Salt Lake City, and now that I'm here...

*shakes a finger threateningly in your direction* YOU. I DID NOT NEED TO ACCUMULATE MORE BOOKS.

...Damnit. It's SUCH a good bookshop. Thanks for that.

I wish I was sticking around! I'm giving myself a break tomorrow and I'm gonna try see Evermore (edit: UGH, I just realized I'm in the exact wrong time period between Oktoberfest and Ripper's Cove AND tomorrow is a Monday, time means nothing to me, FINE), but the day after that I'm heading four hours south for the final leg of the trip. I spent most of today walking around SLC, and honestly, I... kind of didn't expect to have as much fun as I did?

I mean, obviously, the bookstore was fun, but I also wandered into a performing arts center in the vain hope of finding a bathroom I didn't have to pay for, ended up chatting with a house manager who gave me a bunch of cool museums to visit, and then mentioned off-hand that they had a show going on right now, and on my way out I realized it was too damn hot to go explore the city in mid-afternoon so I bought a ticket without knowing what the show was and caught the last two and a half hours of a three-hour-long combination lecture/dance/concert centering around Indian novel Ponniyin Selvan???

And they were selling Indian food at the concession stand, so I got to treat myself to samosas for dinner???

And then after that I wandered around Temple Square and ducked into the Tabernacle to catch a bit of the choir practice???

And then after THAT I took Obi's vest off so he could roll around in the grass right outside for a bit, and a couple girls came up and we started chatting and it turns out one of them ALSO had MS so we exchanged numbers to bitch about it together???

I mean. I'm not complaining. I genuinely didn't expect to be enjoying myself so much. Long live road trips, I guess! The mountains are UNREAL.

[archivingyasmeen]

'La La's and My Birth Month

La La La Leeds!, written by Wisnu Prasetya Utomo, lecturer at Gadjah Mada University in Yogyakarta, is a compilation of his experiences during his Master’s degree in the United Kingdom. I remember reading the book back in 2022 and feeling nostalgic because it reminded me of my childhood in Ireland, circa 2007–2009. A strong desire to return—at least to Europe—washed over me.

Back then, I didn’t really know how. In 2023, I applied for the Indonesian International Student Mobility Awards (IISMA) scholarship program but didn’t pass the administrative selection for the interview. The following year, in 2024, I applied once more, this time with a better essay and more adequate preparation. I mentioned La La La Leeds! in my essay, stating that I want to publish a similar book.

Groningen at last. When I stepped out of the bus after a four-hour ride from Amsterdam, I immediately inhaled the familiar petrichor. Familiarity is such a warm feeling. In Groningen, I came up with prompts that I would write about. I wrote them down on brown sticky notes and placed each one on the title page of the chapters of La La La Leeds! The book isn’t yet written, but I have kept the memories in as much detail as possible.

//

La La Lost You by NIKI has been on repeat for the past two weeks. I’ve lost someone dear to my heart. I lost you, I whispered between my stream of tears. He might argue with me about this, but something about our relationship has obviously changed. Not all lost things are gone forever, I believe. In case he reads this, if you ever consider coming back, I’ll be waiting. Until then, here are a few lyrics that resonate with me:

“Hope New York holds you, hope it holds you like I do”

“Remember last winter when we would drive around?”

“If I’m honest, I’d call, but I’m trying to let go”

“And I hope you’re happy, living life in taxis. But you’ll always have me.”

The details aren’t accurate; it’s a song after all … about two people who spent a time of their life together and now live in separate worlds. It is represented most clearly in the first verse, “While I’m on Sunset, are you on the subway? While I drive, are you getting on the L-train?” Different cities, different ways of living. But you should keep in mind the last part, “But you’ll always have me, you’ll always have me.” 

//

La La Land (2016) is a light film in format, but absolutely heartbreaking. Full of singing and dancing, it might seem like a fun movie. Until Mia asked, “Where are we now? What do we do?” and Sebastian answered, “When you get this, you have to give your everything. Everything.” Let’s see where this goes; and they only met again after five years. Both of them made their dreams come true, but she’s married with kids.

Why can’t they strive for their passion while still being together? Why didn’t they wait for each other? Why won’t they see where this goes without separating ways? But maybe life is sometimes like that, if not most of the time. It’s not that they didn’t try hard enough; it’s just … life. Life happens. You have different goals and unnegotiable priorities at certain times, and it’s just the right person at the wrong time.

The most gut-wrenching part comes towards the end, where the different kind of life, one where they’re happily married and have built a home together with kids, is visualised. The director of La La Land (2016) must be incredibly cruel towards the audience. Maybe I could end up like that. But I don’t want to live a life imagining and regretting the different kind of life that I could’ve had but did not pursue. I will find my way back to you.

//

And maybe your birth month isn’t supposed to be the happiest month of the year. It’s supposed to be a month where you grow, you improve, you become a better person. And growth isn’t without pain. Most of the time, it also comes with crashing out, a swollen eye, and a tight knot in your head. Pain makes you resilient, and things that didn’t go your way force you to learn new perspectives.

My mother once said that if you’re not struggling in your studies, it means you’re not actually learning anything. Of course, this also applies to life lessons. Facing hardship and getting through it is an integral part of improvement. I have never yearned for something so much that I’m sobbing during prayers. But let’s meet again in this life. Let’s meet again in full glory, with pride gleaming in our eyes and ambition trickling from our shoulders. Let’s meet again! 

[dee-in-the-box]

i. may or may not have made a Dsaf oc/self insert type thing (it's both because, appearance and partially personality wise, xe's based off of me irl. but backstory stuff is pretty different).

named the little guy Morgan Bane. he's sort of the "Jack of All Trades" in Dsaf 3. he's kinda one of the only main workers in Jack's restaurant.

time for some background on this lil guy:

23

they're genderqueer. and just queer in general.

they've got that LGBTQ+ Christian Religious Trauma™

Autistic and an Utter Anxious Wreck <3

associated with the color blue.

left home after college and went to go stay with a friend for a bit.

got a job at Jack's restaurant because Why Not, and also because she was also considering doing something similar later in her life and wanted to get some first hand experience with how these places work.

xe views Jack as a mentor of sorts. which uh. Makes A Certain Version Of The Legacy/Evil Route For This Guy Particularly Fucked Up!

please ask me about the Morgan and Dave (Pre-Henry Trauma) parallels i could go on for hours please-

during the Legacy Route, Morgan will accidentally walk in on Jack and Dave about to murder the baby, but will stand in shock and horror, trying to stammer out a question to Jack "B-Boss, I- What in God's name are you-?!"

there's two versions of Morgan during the Legacy Route (well...technically four if you count the routes where he'd get framed, but we won't count those for this-): one where Jack and Dave choose not to get Morgan involved, and simply threaten him into silence (which works), or uh...well, Anyone Heard Of The Snowgrave Route From Deltarune Chapter 2-?

so here's how it works, right? Good/Neutral Routes = Morgan is generally friendly towards Jack, and is actually quite eager to talk with him! Legacy Route (Normal) = Morgan is scared of Jack and will actively avoid him, and will fidget nervously whenever the two do interact. at the end, after Phone Guy gets done with his lecture, Morgan will give a much shorter one: "I...don't really know what there is to say. Y'know, I'm not one to say this lightly, but I believe that you deserve to hear this: Don't keep the Devil waiting, sir." Legacy Route (Snowgrave Edition) = same as Normal Legacy Route, except Somehow Worse, and gets dragged into Even More Shit. this poor boy. he needs a hug. and a fucking break.

Morgan is just sending. so many distress signals to Harry. So Many. help it.

also, i thought it would be interesting if Morgan had a QnA thing like the Phone Guy does in the game. have some differences in dialogue between Good/Neutral Route answers and Legacy (Snowgrave) answers for a few questions:

"Tell me about your family."

Good/Neutral: "Oh, well...my family are rather loving people, don't get me wrong; they said they only ever wanted the best for me, sir. They just weren't quite...accepting, you see. We had some disagreements, you could say. I love them all dearly, it's just...they don't love me for who I am, you know? They don't hate me; God no. They're just...rather set in their ways and faith, just as I am in mine.

It's...complicated, shall we say. We haven't talked much since I left for college...."

Legacy (Snowgrave): "Oh, well...our relationship isn't perfect, sir. Not by a long shot...b-but we still keep in touch rather often, I-I assure you! I can promise you that I've certainly been keeping in touch with them regularly for the past three years!

...

Why are you staring at me like that? I'm not lying! I-I do!"

"Who's this "friend" you keep talking about?"

Good/Neutral: "Oh, they're the sweetest! We've known each other for years, ever since we were little. They actually gave me a place to stay while I got my life somewhat in order. I'll be forever grateful for it.

I...don't know what I'd do without them, sir..."

Legacy (Snowgrave): "Oh...the friend I keep talking about? Well...we talk often, I lived with them for a while during college, and I feel like I could tell them anything."

(I see. And what would their name happen to be, Morgan?)

"....W-With all due respect, sir, I don't feel comfortable telling you that.

I-I'm not risking.....Of all the people in my life, I can't lose them. Please, I can't..."

"What do you know about Henry, Employee?" (note: in the Legacy Route, this question would be purple and would have a smiley face at the end)

Good/Neutral: "...Henry? as in Henry Miller? Well...I'll admit I don't know much. I know he was the co-owner of Fredbear's Family Diner, he was a doctor of sorts (apparently), and that he went missing in 1983.

...I'll be honest with you, sir. I might not've been alive when he was, but all the photos I've seen...he's got bad vibes. I don't know what it is, maybe the smile...? Just...ugh, he gives me the heebie jeebies and he's not even alive anymore...."

Legacy (Snowgrave): "W-Why did you ask it like that, sir? And...why're you looking at me like that..?

U-Um, well, I-I know he co-owned this place called Fredbear's Family Diner and that he went missing in the early 80's...but that's about it...

...W-Why did you need to know? Why are you still looking at me like that, sir?!"

"Do you have any hopes and dreams?"

Good/Neutral: "Well, y'know how this place is? And Chuck E. Cheese? I was thinkin'...maybe I could open my own place like this someday. Y'know, not a Freddy's or Chuck E's, but...my own little place! You think I could do it?

(...Yeah, you seem like you'd do great, Morgan.)

Really?! I- Thank you, sir!"

Legacy (Snowgrave): "...Well...I hope to get a better job someday. Maybe get married to someone.

.....Why do you ask sir?

...Sir? Jesus, you really like staring at me like that..."

"What do you think of me and your job here?" (note: same as the Henry question during the Legacy Route)

Good/Neutral: "Oh, well...you're certainly blunt, sir. B-But I don't mean that as a bad thing at all! You're a great boss! And this job, while it's certainly...chaotic at times, it's still one of the greatest I've had!"

(...Really? Wow...I feel kinda bad for you, Employee.)

N-no, I'm being serious! I like making people happy, and what better job for that than this one?

...Sure, this place hasn't had...the best track record of making people happy, but I hope to change that!"

Legacy (Snowgrave): "...Well, that depends. Do you want the truth, or do want to hear what you want to hear?"

(The Truth, Morgan.)

"....Sir, I have blood on my hands that can never be washed off. I feel too scared to fall asleep, afraid that I'll see that poor baby's face when I close my eyes.

...I'm also scared that either see you or Dave one standing over me, ready to..."silence" me...but that's neither here nor there...

...But I also know that I'm in too deep to back out now.

...So what real choice do I have, sir?"

2. (Well, that also depends...how much do you value your life, Morgan? :))

"...Well, in that case:

This is one of the greatest jobs I've ever had! Love you and my coworkers! Yep! Definitely don't live in terror every waking (and sleeping) moment, sir! Nope! Not at all! Heh heh..."

(Morgan nervously fidgets with her cross necklace, nervously looking behind you towards the door of The Office.

It seems like they're ready to make a break for it at a moment's notice. He tries to smile wide, but it doesn't reach his eyes.)

anyway, please send some asks about Morgan i'd love to talk about my lil dude here!! :D

[luciawang408]

Reflection Blog For Week 1

As a designer, I have been thinking about what our designs can bring. From my four years of study in the design school, I did learn that designs are tools for communication, and that when we encounter some phenomena or even social problems in real life, designers can use their design works to give a voice to this phenomenon. In this part, I think design does have some social responsibility.

This idea was reinforced after reading Tony Fry: Futuring, the City & Sustainment - the Remaking of Design. Although the world is made up of different countries, we as human beings also have important responsibilities and feelings for the development of the world. Our minds are constantly evolving along with the technological level of our lives. In the process of upgrading, we may need to break some inherent ideas and rules. We need "new" things to help us to live in this world which is begging for help currently (climate change etc.). I had a conversation with my mother who, as a person born in China in the 70's, has experienced the development of telephones and cell phones.

In the old days in China, if she wanted to call a friend, she had to first put the call through to a switchboard, which then transferred her to a regional area and so on, which was very inconvenient.

She said that at the end of the 90s she was still lamenting that it would be nice to have a cell phone that could make phone calls to see friend's face, but it turned out that in less than twenty years this progress had already been accomplished. Then I used to think there is a group of people in places I don't know who are trying to think and create to make our world a better place. Now that I'm part of this creative field, it's important for me to think about the possibilities.

As artists, we do need to learn to enjoy solitude. I think artists exist to identify social problems and call attention to them. The problems they find may not be understood and may be questioned, but thanks to their perseverance, people may gradually realize their importance as time goes by. I have a favorite performance artist in China, and her latest work is on the topic of "Can a Mother's Love Be Bought", in which she pays a high price to hire a girl of any age who has given birth to play the role of her mother, to see if she can experience love from it. （there's a link to original news posts)

(project poster by Zou)

Many people don't understand her, but I was shocked when I saw it. The world should be questioned, if we agree and don't challenge it, we will not progress or evolve. In my country, there are a lot of artists who use their artworks to spread their power on the internet for some social issues. Like this week I think the central idea of these readings is that the world is designed and we design the world to help us design it better.

I was deeply touched by The Horizons of the Artificial lecture. Human beings have evolved together with technology. Art provides us with imaginary worlds and more possibilities for us to think differently. It is because there is no objective sides of right or wrong in art, and it gives us enough room to think about "what if" possibilities. I think "the world" doesn't even exist, it is the human mind that "designs" the world step by step. The boldness of human ideas gave way to technology, and the world as we know it now was created.

The most impressive part of the lecture was the part where the professor taught about "clocks and watches, time", which is the same as what I have always thought, that time is a virtual name created by human beings. "Time may not exist". Astronauts in space have long since lost sight of the passage of "time" on Earth, and without clocks we can hardly even recognize how many hours have passed by the sun's path alone. I have always assumed the existence of time and even space. What about the world before the concept of time? How did humans define the time? By analogy to "space", I have always wondered about the possibility of a multiverse. We can now only define our existence as a single "three-dimensional world". On our timeline we can only think about the world that is ours, but only because our ideas are not bold enough. Maybe there are multiple timelines? Math tells us that parallel lines never intersect, and that's evidence that we can't find other universes.

We mentioned time travel in class time machine is also a part I've always been interested in. But if we have ideas to design it, maybe one day I will see another me in another world. If we have the idea to design technology, technology to assist, then maybe we will really find the "the backrooms". But first, we have to dare to think and dare to challenge more possibilities.