#I dated a narcissist

[cattymayonnaise]

It’s been exactly one month since I last saw the man who emotionally traumatized me 👍

[bookinit02]

genuinely i think if i have to see taylor swift’s name one more time i’m going to start breaking things.

[narcissism-positivity]

Forgive me if this is rude or disrespectful I really don't mean it to be! I'm completely new to this blog and it's contents but I'm curious. Would, hypothetically, a healthy thing someone with NPD could do be to recognise their disorder and take healthy steps to assure they don't accidentally hurt anyone, or get hurt themselves? Like.. would that be possible for someone with NPD? Again sorry if this is uneducated of me. I'd consider myself vulnerable so.. idk it'd be cool to know if it's possible for me and a NPD person to have a healthy relationship. Also I've just realised this ask is all over the place sorry! 😅

Hi there!

People with NPD can absolutely have healthy relationships! I (npd) actually just celebrated my 11th anniversary with my wife (npd and bpd) yesterday. But as with any neurodivergence, there are adjustments you need to make.

First of all, communicate! It can be hard for pwNPD (people with npd) to know how you are feeling, or even remember that you’re feeling something different from them. Make sure to be clear about your emotional state. My wife would check in daily (at least) to see how i was feeling, because i never realized that i was really bad at talking about (or even recognizing) my own emotions. This helped them know i wasn’t mad at them, and me learn how to express myself in a clear way.

Understand that pwNPD often have very fragile self esteem. Compliments are HUGE for us, and mean a whole lot. Meanwhile, it can be tough for us to take criticism or be in the wrong about something. This doesn’t mean we should be allowed to get away with harmful behavior, but that it’s important to have these discussions in a constructive manner. I really like the “sandwich” method, where you say something positive, note your criticism, then say something else positive or reiterate the positive thing you said before.

Ex: “I’m so happy you found a game you really like! I was hurt when it seemed like you were paying more attention to the game than me when i was trying to tell you something important. But I’d love to play it with you after we chat!”

This is actually just general people-skills advice, but it is especially helpful when the person you’re talking to struggles to understand the perspectives of other people.

Another bit of general relationship advice that has really helped my marriage: never go to bed angry at your partner. You can take a break to calm down, you can take a nap or a shower or just go into another room until you’re ready to talk again. But you shouldn’t let your feelings simmer or develop into a grudge. It’s really important to communicate with your partner no matter whether they’re neurotypical or not, but it’s crucial when you’re interacting with people whose brains work very differently than your own.

Other narcs, please feel free to reblog with any other advice, and anon, please feel free to ask more if you have any specific questions you’re wondering about!

[standingontheoverpassscreaming]

idk I think if he gets riled up enough we might see a stroke live on national television

[the-marshals-wife]

fathers that don't treat their daughters like burdens are so cool. i wish they were real.

[laurelsalexis]

rewatching suits is kind of wild because my memory of when things happen is so incredibly off. 

you’re telling me harvey’s mental breakdown of having donna leave him and paula, the world’s worst therapist, begins in season FIVE? and i gotta wait until s8 for anything real to happen? insane.

[chaos-in-one]

Hey narcissistic abuse & sociopathic/psychopathic abuse crowds, out of curiosity if a narcissist and a sociopath are dating, whose the abuser? Or do you think it just like... cancels out or smth?

[fionacle]

Very long post so I’m putting it under the cut. Analysis of Tobey trying to figure out WordGirl’s identity.

When Tobey brought up “Cash or Pie” in the first episode of WordGirl (Tobey or Consequences), he was making a callback to the episode The Wrath of Tobey from The Amazing Colossal Adventures of WordGirl (the shorts about WordGirl before it became an actual full show), the third episode from the trilogy about the day WordGirl met him for the first time (the first two being Play Date and Tobey or Not Tobey). That show was on tv on the same day he accused Becky of being WordGirl, she used it as an example of a hullabaloo. But it might not have just been a callback for observant viewers, what if him confirming that WordGirl is familiar with Cash or Pie was part of him putting together that she is becky? What if he's 24/7 trying to prove that, even when not in an episode about figuring it out and being convinced he was wrong?

This happened once in the previously mentioned episodes of The Amazing Colossal Adventures of WordGirl, and once in WordGirl. It’s in my memory that in other episodes he’s been suspicious of Becky being WordGirl even if he doesn't make an explicit accusation, but upon rewatching episodes I thought had this happen, he simply makes confused remarks and completely believes Becky’s excuses, so unless it happens in other ones I forgot about, this may be a false memory. He is still, however. the only one who ever deduces that Becky is WordGirl, possibly because he is the only with a personal relationship with both, also he stalks WordGirl but it’s also a testimate to his intelligence.

You may be tempted to mention how Dr. Two Brains figured it out once, but that only happened because he made a giant ear to listen in on cheese-related conversations and accidentally heard her talking about her identity, it was by complete luck. And while Violet and Scoops have found out, both only did so because they saw Becky transform into WordGirl, and Becky admitted to it after being asked about it, they didn’t figure it out.

Tobey, however, deduced it completely on his own, and his 'Prove Becky is WordGirl' plans are always quite smart: trap becky with him while he has his robots attacking the city, which forces her into only having the options of revealing her identity and saving the city, or letting it get crushed by robots, but the in the latter the fact WordGirl wouldn’t show up would make her seem pretty dang suspicious anyway (see later paragraph). Both times they get out of it by having Huggy pretend to be her.

The first time they were in her front yard, close by in a small space where Tobey didn’t have his eyes locked on her, so she had Huggy go in dressed as WordGirl. This made him look over at Huggy, thinking WordGirl was there and Becky was still next to him, thinking Becky and WordGirl were both present, then she quickly flew over and defeated the robot before flying back beside Tobey as Becky, completing the ruse.

The second time, By Jove You’ve Wrecked My Robots!, Tobey was no longer a stranger to Becky, it’s almost scary seeing how smart he got, he took the time to go over every detail of their last encounter with the argument, he thought of everything. The robots were really far away, and Tobey was keeping his full attention on Becky. He knew trickery was up, so he didn’t take his eyes off her for a second, except for when he went to the bathroom, but that would have been an opportunity for Becky to transform into WordGirl, so if the robots had been defeated while he was in there he probably would have brought it up as further evidence.

He eventually brings up how he now has proof that Becky is WordGirl, since even though the city was full of robots, WordGirl hadn’t shown up to fight them, “…the only reason that she wouldn’t is if she couldn’t leave her own living room without getting caught by me!” He set up a situation where he had multiple chances to prove Becky was WordGirl, and any time things stacked up it only made it clearer for him. When Huggy was heard taking down robots while they talked (so Becky could again seem to be in two places at once), he CORRECTLY GUESSES the situation, “That’s probably just your annoying sidekick fighting my robits!,” and when Becky replies “How do you know?,” He replies, “Well, I realized that this might be a problem,” and we find out he even put cameras up on his robots, because he somehow figured out that last time Huggy had been involved. The only reason they were able to get out of this was by WordGirl and Huggy somehow figuring out he had those cameras, so while Huggy defeated the robots he put a wordgirl doll up to the cameras so it seemed like she was there. It even had a pullstring catchphrase, which helped sell it. A year or so of meticulous planning thwarted by a doll.

Watching the episodes Play Date, Tobey or Not Tobey, The Wrath of Tobey, Tobey or Consequences, and By Jove You’ve Wrecked My Robots! back to back really puts into perspective just how smart Tobey is.

I’d also like to bring up the added genius that this analysis reveals in the WordGirl fanfiction Saving Tobey by Night N. Gail (available on fanfic.net and AO3).

(Spoilers, by the way. It’s incredible, I absolutely recommended reading it, as well as its sequel Time To Go Home, and their technical prequel Captain’s Log which is really just a prequel to all of WordGirl so it’s not really relevant to the fanfic plot.)

------ Spoiler Prevention Line! ------

When Tobey finally actually found out WordGirl’s secret identity, he used basically the same tactic, but the differences were that this time they were in his house, and Huggy wasn’t there to help, which trapped Becky so much more and actually forced her to reveal herself. I won’t go into such in-depth analysis of how he did it, but changing the factors of location and Huggy availability being all he needed to outsmart her is incredible, finally he’s been able to think of every single little detail and he has her in his clutches. It’s completely understandable how terrified Becky was of what he’d do with the information, only a criminal mastermind goes to that level. But in this case it was just a smart little boy with a creepily obsessive crush.

Smart fucking author, I tell you. What an absolutely correct choice on how to have him figure it out. Read this fic, man, fuck it’s good. There’s a reason that guy keeps trying the same tactic, he knows he’s so close, so to have him continue it but get it RIGHT this time?! It feels so good. THAT’S the Tobey move right there. If the show had continued, even if it was overall written differently, I really hope he would’ve figured it out and done so in this way, it is so completely perfect. Do you even understand how much this fic and character and show matter?

[666writingcafe]

Asmo's Object

The House of Lamentation (8)

MC: I am going to have to return to the human world soon, but before I go, I would like an object from each of you that I can take with me and use to summon you.

I know that I can't just give MC any object. No, it has to be the one item that I treasure above all else, which is a problem.

It didn't use to be. Once upon a time, the most important thing to me was, well, me. So, all I had to do was to give someone a picture of me they could use to summon me, and that would be that.

But I can't do that with MC, because I no longer see myself that way. Don't get me wrong; I still think I'm quite the catch. However, I no longer view myself as the center of my universe.

The simple truth is this: I now hold MC in higher regard than I ever did for myself. They are what I value the most these days, which still feels a bit weird, but also right. Of course I would do anything for them. Why wouldn't I?

I admit all of this to MC, who appears to take it in stride. They don't laugh, nor do they start plotting ways to take advantage of me. Instead, they simply suggest,

"You could take a few pictures of me."

Of course. How could I miss a solution that obvious?

What makes it even better is that I can actually give them a physical copy of a picture, since I still have a instant Doloroid camera in my possession.

Over the next few days, I take as many candid shots of MC as I possibly can. I could have staged a photoshoot for them, but I find that they are most beautiful when they're simply being themselves in all of their natural glory.

Once I feel like I have enough options to choose from, I sort through them, separating viable ones from poor quality ones. The one that I end up presenting to MC is arguably the most simple out of all of them, but it's quintessentially them. The photo shows them sitting cross-legged on their bed with a book in their hand and a soft smile on their face.

That same smile adorns their features as they reach out and hug me, picture still in hand.

"I'll miss you desperately once you're gone," I whisper. "Please don't forget about me."

"Don't worry, Asmo. I won't."

"Good. I love you so much, MC, more than words can even begin to describe."

[l-0puko]

you never share your toys or communicate i guess i'm just a play date to you

[wavesoutbeingtossed]

FYI, if a dude tells you he doesn't want to know about your past, particularly your past relationships, because it would "hurt him too much" or he'd get "too jealous" or whatever excuse, that is a MAJOR FUCKING RED FLAG and you need to run.

[readingfolklore]

guys, i'm having a freak out session about turning 30 in just over 4 months... never thought i'd reach my 30's tbh, i was meant to stay stuck in my 20's forever, nooo. 😿

[kimjunnoodle]

the only thing good to come out of 2020 was my love of hastily made shitpost-esque edits i would make of myself to have enrichment

[novadreii]

dating tip from someone who learned the hard way: if a man is incapable of apologizing/taking accountability ever, RUN YOUR CUTE ASS FAR THE FUCK AWAY. AND KEEP RUNNING.

[bright-and-burning]

Ma’am. Please do not try to excuse that boy’s ugly haircut when i am trying to mourn what we had.

fhjcdsafaksjs. it's not GOOD. on him. per se . but i get it!! i too have done the 'ah fuck i went too short and now my curls are nonexistent' cut. it'll be Fine in like two weeks or so. he's still cute he just looks like a whole other person. like that is not lando. lol. it is obviously but ykwim. he'd be cute if i wasn't trying to reconcile the pictures w the mental image of lando. like when someone suddenly dyes their hair blue or goes from butt-length hair to a buzzcut and you have to adjust. basically it's kind of ugly but some of that is down to the sheer difference jdlsakfjs

[senxitive]

I hate my life & I hate everything ❤️