#hes been breaking my heart the entire time by denying me a relationship but saying i love you and i want to be with you

[senxitive]

I hate my life & I hate everything ❤️

[cutielando]

the fam | c.l.

synopsis: in which you finally meet his family

my masterlist

Meeting the family of your boyfriend freaked out every single girl on this planet, there was no denying it.

But meeting the famous Leclerc family? 10 times more nerve-wrecking.

Ever since you started dating Charles, you often found yourself nervous every single time he would mention his family.

It's not that you had a problem with them or anything, it was far from it actually. You just knew how close they were to each other and didn't want to intrude.

Charles had told you all about his previous girlfriends and what kind of relationships they had with his family, so you wanted to impress and make them like you.

Hence why, with 10 minutes before you had to leave for Pascale's house, you were freaking out and losing your cool.

"I can't do this" you told Charles, pacing around the living room with your hands gripping the roots of your hair.

"What do you mean, amour?" Charles asked, coming from the kitchen and seeing you having close to a panic attack.

"I don't know if I can meet your family. What if they don't like me and then we have to break up because they don't approve of us? I don't want to break up, I don't want them to think I'm bad for you, what if they think we're not right for each other?" you rambled, only stopping when Charles took your face in his hands and kissed you.

You melted into the kiss, your muscles slowly relaxing and the tension you had been feeling disappearing for the moment.

"Amour, my family already loves you. They've loved you ever since I told them about you. It's just Christmas dinner, they want to officially meet you instead of getting to know you through me. Maman sometimes tells me she likes you more than she does me" he said, the last part making you chuckle.

You've spoken to his mother on the phone a couple of times when Charles would call her to check up on his family, but this was such a bigger deal than just talking over the phone. You would be in her home, with her entire family. You were allowed to feel a little intimidated.

"I just want everyone to like me because I love you and I really want a future with you" you said, pouting a little.

"I know, mon amour. Believe me when I say everything is going to be okay. You have nothing to worry about, I promise. Everyone already loves you"

You nodded and leaned up to peck his lips once again before you finally decided to get ready to leave for Pascale's house.

Your heart, of course, still threatening to beat out of your chest.

♡♡♡♡♡

"Maman?" Charles called out as he opened the door to his mother's home, holding your hand and pulling you inside with him.

"Charlie, mon amour!!" the woman squealed as she set eyes on her son, bringing him into a tight hug.

Charles let go of your hand as he hugged his mother, leaving you to stand beside him awkwardly because you didn't want to intrude on the moment.

Once Charles pulled away, he came to stand by you once more and wrapped his arm around your waist, bringing you closer to his body.

"Maman, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is my mother" he didn't even get to properly get the words out before Pascale jumped at you literally, bringing you into the same type of hug she had just given Charles.

"Oh, it is so good to finally meet you. I've been dying to have you over for dinner for so long" the older woman gushed in your ear, making your nerves dissipate and you felt how you started to calm down and embrace the woman's warmth.

"It's nice to finally meet you as well" you said, giving her a wide smile as you pulled away from the hug.

She ushered you into the living room where everyone else was already seated, the chatter stopping when the three of you entered the brightly lit room. Everyone's eyes were fixated on you and Charles, all eager to meet the woman that had stolen the young driver's heart.

After introductions had been made, Pascale announced that it was time to everyone to make their way towards the dining room for the festive dinner.

"Y/N, I have to ask, how do you put up with my brother?" Charles' little brother Arthur asked as you all chilled in the dining room after the amazing feast Pascale had prepared for the night.

"Hey, I'm right here!" Charles said in a hurt voice, but he knew his brother was only pulling his leg.

"It's tough, if we're being completely honest" you joked, laughing when you saw the pout that had made its way onto Charles' face. "All jokes aside, I'm really lucky to have him by my side, he's a real gem and I can now see where he gets it from" you looked all around the room, your heart filling with love for the family that had so warmly accepted you into the family.

♡♡♡♡♡

As the night drew to a close, you figures it was time for the two of you to also make your way home.

"Thank you for having us, really. It's been a pleasure finally getting together like this" you told Charles' mother as you waited for him to finish getting ready to leave.

"Nonsense, you're welcome here anytime with or without Charles. We should spend some time together after the holidays, have some alone time without the boys breathing down our necks" she joked, making you chuckle with her.

"I would really like that" you said as Pascale handed you her phone for you to type in your phone number.

"Amour, are you ready to go?" Charles asked as he entered the hall, all dressed and ready to go.

You nodded and bid your final goodbyes to the entire family before stepping out into the warm Monaco weather. 

As you made your way home, you couldn't wipe the smile off of your face the entire ride over. Charles noticed this, which warmed his heart.

"So, how did you feel tonight?" he asked, squeezing your thigh to get your attention.

"It was amazing. Thank you for taking me with you" you smiled, taking his hand in yours and planting a kiss on the back of his palm.

"I told you everyone would love you, you're part of the family already whether you like it or not" he said, making you giggle.

"Oh, your mom and I made plans to hang out after the holidays pass, just some girl time" you told him excitedly, your eyes sparkling.

He smiled to himself, his heart bursting with happiness and love that the two most important women in his life got along.

Neither of you could ask for more in that moment.

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[angelinpiink]

ex boyfriend! eren headcannons ࿐ྂ。

❥ note: as a disclaimer, these headcanons are a bit toxic/dark, if that is something you find triggering i recommend you skip this one, you can find other works of eren that don't have this particular theme here just want to make it clear that i do not condone this sort of behavior and this doesn't represent my idea of what a healthy relationship should look like thank you and enjoy

Firstly, eren doesn't even consider you guys to be actually broken up, he’s convinced. you’re just screwing with him or playing hard to get. Even once he realizes you're not, the breakup is still completely one sided. He loves you far too much to even fathom that the relationship is over. He’s already planned your entire future together–he's been doing so since he first met you, from the house you'll live in together to the garter you'll be wearing on your wedding day.  In short, he’s delusional when it comes to you, head over heels or do he likes to call it and for this reason he still goes around telling everyone you're his. 

Everyone around him, including his friends is obviously taken aback by this and so they sort of just play along, listening to him rant   about you the moment he’s gotten enough alcohol in his system. This happens  at every get together they have had since the breakup.  “she’s just confused and going through a tough time right now. She doesn't know that she wants me,” he’ll say anytime he hears about you having moved on with anyone else.  If anyone even has the courage to challenge his statements he has the habit of angrily shutting them down. “Shut the hell up, you don't know anything about our relationship.” 

He spends the first few days blowing up your phone with texts about how much he loves you and that though your relationship has had its ups and downs – him being the one who’s mostly responsible for the downs, you guys will get through it as you always had if you just keep trying. When he received no response ,he changed his approach, no longer attempting to convince you to stay but now begging you to come back  home. “Come back to me please..” he’ll bombard your voicemail inbox with pleas and sob stories about how he hasn't slept because he misses holding you each night. 

 Weeks or even months  will pass since the break up itself, and every second of  his time he uses to  reach out to you, whether it's through phone calls or text. You better believe he's taking time to check up on you to see how you're doing–most  importantly, what you're doing and who you're with. He wants to make sure you're safe and not in the hands of any trouble or anyone he considers trouble. He has a habit of speaking with you as though you two are still together, ending many conversations with  “i love you.” and “hope to see you soon.” When he isn't reaching out to you he's thinking about you or talking to you about whatever poor soul is forced to listen. 

When he hears it from you that you’ve moved on to someone else, his heart shatters.  He had been able to deny and ignore the reality when he heard it from others but now that it was coming from you he had lost the energy to keep pretending to be okay with how things were, he feels as though you’re betraying him. In his eyes you were cheating by being with another.  Still, he doesn't make it known then and there, instead he responds with. “He can't love you the way I do.” and beyond that point he stops reaching out, and waits for you to come running back. 

 You'll learn the hard way that he was right  when you are riding back to his place drunk with tears running down your cheeks because you caught the very person you’d moved onto cheating on you with another girl. Once you two arrive, he carries you into the apartment where the two of you had  shared many memories together, because you are too drained from the events of the day to walk. He takes off your makeup using the makeup remover you’d ‘left behind’ when you moved out. Really, he stole it out of your things, along with other items because he was certain you’d come back to him under such circumstances. 

 He takes you into his arm, holding you so close and so tight to him because he’s afraid that you’ll leave him again as  you cry in his arms. “Don't know what i was thinking” his fingers stroke your hair.  “You weren't. but you should have known better.”  eren isn't too interested in giving you his sympathy because he feels he’s the one been betrayed the most here. If only you hadn't run off with someone else, none of this would be happening.

“I warned you,” he added. “I'm so sorry..” you sniffled, he swiped away your tears. his way of speaking to you had caused a wave of guilt to wash over you, you had left eren behind only to end up being made to look like a fool because you thought the grass was greener on the other side. Though he was upset with you,  Eren hated seeing  you cry.  especially over someone he didn't believe deserved your tears. “Make it up to me then.” a weight lifted off your shoulders at the offer of redemption. Little did you know, he plans to have you crying tears of another kind. 

❥ nsfw (things get sexual from here, if you are not comfortable with this kind of content pls turn back)

Before you know it, he’s ripped your dress off you, both your clothes and underwear are thrown about the hallway leading to the bedroom you used to share. He hasn't made a single change to anything since your absence and you find yourself feeling nostalgic, thinking back to a time where things werent easy but never this complicated. you're on the bed exposed and bear before him. He hovers between your legs. “Been so long since i've seen you like this, god i've missed it so much.” he’ll coo, his emerald gaze admiring your glistening folds that have spread with his fingers. the way your cunt throbbed under the lightest of touch, begging to be filled made him grow hard. “Missed you too.” you mutter, hazily bucking your hips against his touch.

“I know.  I know.” he reassures you, giving into your silent  demands, he continues toying with you, pushing his fingers past your folds,his finger strokes at your clit. “bet that boyfriend of yours didn't know how to take care of this needy little cunt, did he.” your juices now coating his fingers, he pounds you with them, earning a symphony of moans from your lips.  “not like i do..” he says, the satisfaction of you being so reactive to his touch bringing a smile to his face, your back arching as his movements become overwhelming for you. He soon pulls out his fingers and replaces them with his cock, that had been aching to be inside of you for far too long.

He pushes one of your legs outward, granting him more access to your sweet hole, He pushes deeper inside of you all self control leaving his body the moment he hears you cry out for him, tears welling in your eyes from pleasure as he fucks into you. “So pretty, gonna fill you up with my cum.” he groans,the moment he feels you clenching around his cock, your thighs trembling. He threw his head back as he rubs his thumb across your bottom lip, admiring you in such a state.

“Eren, you can't!” You shriek, his fingers gripping at your hips harshly. He continues fucking you hard and deep, his hips smashing against your own. “cant cum inside you?” he’ll question. he continues to pound you, this is his way of letting you know he has no intention of pulling out.

“but i thought you were sorry? I thought you were mine?”There is a heartbroken tone in his voice as he speaks to you, hoping for you to reassure him you meant the words you'd spoken earlier.  You were left feeling guilty for even thinking you should have denied him. after everything you’d already done to hurt him. You had said you would make it up to and part of that required doing as he wanted.  “I am!”

“shut up and take my cum then, you said you’re mine. gotta prove it. this pussy is mine too, right baby?” you nodded in agreement, tellinf him whatever he needed to hear to keep fucking you so good, muttering the best “mhm, i love you so so much!”  you could muster while being overtaken by your orgasm as eren came inside of you, the creamy liquid dripping out of you and down your thighs. “You're not going anywhere, not now, not ever, I won't let you.” 

 Eren, Who was responsible for it all, and had developed a plan for each failed talking stage you had. since leaving him and most importantly the breakup due to your boyfriend cheating– from his actions of  intimidating them into leaving you alone with threats of physical attacks or the videos he sent them of him devouring your cunt, while you cried out his name, your fingers tugging at his brunette strands of hair. A video which had been recorded so long ago when the two of you were still together, but the idiot, who you had made the mistake of calling a boyfriend,  hadn't even bothered to verify that your nails hadn't been any color you had been since you'd meeting him. perhaps, he simply didn't care enough. it was of no big importance to eren either way, in his eyes the fool wasn't deserving of you. Just as eren believed to be the case since the beginning, he was the only one who’d love you the way you deserved and for this reason he was never going anywhere.  

here’s my masterlist

[cowgurrrl]

Little Wind

Pairing: Joel Miller x art teacher!reader

Author’s note: we are so fucking back dude

Summary: Caught out [1.6k]

“I don’t know what we need to talk about, Marnie.” You say as you walk into your apartment and throw your car keys in the dish by the door. You told her you would call her once you weren’t navigating icy roads which was partly true. You also just needed a second to prepare yourself for this conversation. “He’s a good dad. He helped out with my field trip to the McNay. I have no worries about Ellie’s safety if that’s what this is about.”

“What happened at the winter showcase?” She asks, her tone sharp. Was she there? If she was, she didn’t talk to you or make herself known. Fuck. There’s no way this can be about what you think it’s about. You’ve been careful. Going out of your way to go somewhere far away from the school and any students that might appear out of nowhere. There’ve been a few times where you’ve been a little reckless but you had it under control.

“Ellie had an anxiety attack. I sat with her and her dad in the stairwell until it passed.” You say, attempting to shrug off the cloud of worry that’s settled on your shoulders.

“And the visits to your classroom almost every week?”

“Jesus, are you spying on me?” You breathe a laugh but she doesn’t humor you. She only waits for a response. “My projector’s been broken and he’s trying to fix it for me since my work orders keep getting denied. Is there anything else I can confirm or deny for you?” You ask, glancing at your half-finished canvas as you pace. You can’t sit still. Not when she’s calling you during your break and interrogating you. She sighs and you can imagine her pinching the bridge of her nose.

“If administration finds out about this-“

“Finds out about what? My broken projector?”

“That you’re sleeping with one of your student's parents.” Your back molars buzz at her words and a wave of nausea hits you. You shake your head and take a deep breath.

“That’s not funny. You could get me fired for saying things like that.”

“Oh, c’mon, honey. This may be a big city but people talk like it’s a small town,” she says. You feel caught but you don’t want her to know that. “She’s good. She could go to State and win scholarships. But if the judges find out that you gave her any special treatment because of your relationship with her dad, not only will they fire you but you will ruin any chance she has at getting better.”

“This is ridiculous.” You say and she huffs on the other line.

“No, what’s ridiculous is the thought that you’d put your students’ well-being at risk so you can fuck around with a parent. Did you ever stop to think how Ellie might react if she finds out about this? How this might affect her?” She asks like you’re stupid. Of course, you have. It’s been the idea pressing on your brain since before the field trip.

You just never thought it’d get this far.

You think it’d break her heart if she found out. You think she’d curse and scream at you and you’d deserve it. You think she’d never want to see you again or worse, never want to make art again. The world needs Ellie’s art even if she doesn’t know it yet. And you fucked it up.

“You have until Spring Break to either break up with him or say something to Martinez.”

“Or what?”

“I will.” She says with alarming clarity.

“You know, it’s been really nice talking to you, Marnie, but I’ve gotta go do some lesson plans.” You hang up before she can respond and practically throw your phone away from you. Your head swims and you have to clutch the back of a chair to steady yourself.

What the fuck? How did she even find out? She saw you once at Whataburger months ago and now she has eyes and ears watching you? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You need to tell Joel or cut contact entirely. At this point, you don’t know which is the right option. You don’t make enough money from the bar and commissions to stop teaching. You’re only on the second step of submissions for a gallery and you haven’t even finished the paintings you want to send them. And Marnie’s right, Ellie is really good. She got second place at the showcase, which didn’t surprise you, and now she has the opportunity to get her own small exhibition if she sends in her work soon.

You can’t do this. You shouldn’t have ever done this. You shouldn’t have let him into your life. You shouldn’t have put your phone number in his phone or let him sit at your bar or fucking beg him to come over like you did barely a week ago. You should’ve kept your head down and done your lesson plans and art history lessons like the good, perfect teacher you’ll never be.

You don’t know what to do with this heavy feeling in your chest, guilt and anger, and a sense of loss swirling around your ribs until you look at the lone empty canvas lying on your kitchen table. It’s the last unpainted one you have and probably the last one you’ll be able to afford for a little bit. You were saving it for something special but you can’t wait for special anymore. You have to get this out.

Without thinking, you grab the first paints your hands touch and walk out to your balcony. There’s already no way you’re getting your deposit back so you might as well make it worth it. You haphazardly put up a cloth behind the canvas before you start taking literal handfuls of paint and throwing it. Reds, purples, lumpy, half-dried-out blacks, and green splatter across the white, ruining the last bit of pure material that you had. The cold wind whips around your face and blows dust and even kicks up a few rocks that get stuck in the wet paint. Colors sprint down to kiss the pavement and leave a strange conglomeration of colors near your back door. You’re so caught up in the sloppy, angry dispersal of paint that you almost don’t realize you’re crying until a sob escapes your throat.

For the first time in a long time, you were so happy. Just deliriously, stupidly, dangerously happy. You let yourself relax and get comfortable and open up because it felt right only to be hit with the reminder that things like that aren’t reserved for you. You’ve consistently picked everyone else over yourself because that’s what teachers are supposed to do. Maybe Henry was right. Maybe you would’ve been much better suited to being the silent muse who wants for nothing. At least then you’d be able to pay your bills.

You slump onto the frigid concrete of your balcony, your paint-soaked hands shaking in front of you, and stare at the canvas. It has a weird texture from all the dirt and debris getting flown your way and the wind has made streaks in all different directions. The colors are objectively ugly together. They swirl and drip in mysterious and formless ways. It’s gritty There’s no story being told here. There’s no shape, no dimension, nothing. Your college professors would rip this to shreds if they could see it.

But the gallery might want it.

Before you can talk yourself out of it, you push yourself off the floor, scrub your freezing hands raw in the sink, wipe your tears, and send a picture of the painting to the gallery. You title the email “Something Different,” and quickly type out a message.

Hey,

Finished up some stuff today and thought you might like it. It’s something a little different. It’s called ‘Spring Break.’

You shoot out the email and turn off your phone, too anxious to watch your inbox for a response. You leave your canvas out to dry but bring in all your paint because you can’t afford to lose that much paint to the elements especially after you just finished heaping globs of it around. You don’t feel much better. You still feel the weight of Marnie’s words pressing on your lungs and the fizzing in your molars. You feel, ironically, like a girl in a painting you saw years ago.

You remember it was painted by Leighton sometime in the 1800’s. Although you can’t remember the exact historical details, you can see the painting clearly in your head. A bride and groom are stopped by a knight leaving their wedding ceremony after being showered with pink flowers. There’s a battle happening and they need the groom to join the fight. His new wife, young and dressed in white, watches the conversation and knows there’s nothing she can do. Her husband’s hand is already on his sword. He’s going to leave and die on the battlefield and she’s going to go home a widow. They’re both helpless and doomed to their obligations: him to his brothers in arms and her to her marriage.

You think you and Joel are doomed in the same way. There’s not a whole lot either of you can do to change your fate. Maybe if you had met him at a different time— maybe if the couple got married on a different day— things might have worked out for the better. You might’ve been happy. You might’ve had a minuscule chance at having something good for yourself.

But good fate never made for good art. You know this now. You feel it in your bones.

There is no other way.

[hearts4yawnzzn]

BROWN HUES AND A LITTLE CONFESSION

Pairing: Barista!Sunghoon x fem!reader

Genre: friends to lovers, non established relationship, slowburn, sunghoon rizzler

Warnings: fluff just pure fluff

Word count: 967

It's only been two weeks since you’ve been to this cafe, and every timeyou've been there you would notice the same white-haired male barista nudging the cashier so he can take your order.

He always had that wide, healing smile. And it would always make your day better after stressful hours from work. And once he would take your order he would go back to his station and make your order while the cashier resumed taking other people's.

You’ve grown to make small conversations with him while he was making your coffee, trying your best to make a funny joke just so you could hear him laugh. If people were caught up with everything between you two they’d say that you’ve developed a huge crush on him.

You won’t even deny it. Although you tried your best to hide your romantic feelings towards him, it wasn't enough because it felt like he knew everything.

And after only 3 days of going to the cafe, you've learned that the white-haired male's name is Park Sunghoon by glancing at his name tag.

The small conversations with him soon developed into him sitting with you during his break, making uou another cup of coffee on the house because he knew just how you liked his coffee, and he knew you wouldn't be satisfied with anyone else making it because it would never taste exactly like his.

You'd laugh and smile together, to the point of sharing embarrassing stories of your childhoods and your days at work. And you would laugh really hard when he told you the story of the kid throwing a drink at him.

He would sulk and pout playfully at your laughter, but deep down he found it the most beautiful thing to be ever heard. Like music to his ears.

"Stop laughing so hard! I had to wash my clothes six times!" he was playfully moping and you knew it, but his reaction was even funnier than the story.

Once your laughter had died down you placed a hand against your chest to catch your breath, lifting a finger to wipe a stray tear that escaped your eye. You let out a loud sigh and nodded, not wanting to ‘upset’ him any further.

“Okay okay- I won’t laugh more I promise.” you were slightly out of breath from the excessive laughter so you had to pant between a few words but your voice was clear to him.

And he kept staring at you for the rest of your time there, his palm resting under his chin as he had a soft smile that would just light up the entire place. You noticed, with the way he was looking at you so fondly of course you would.

Your world stopped when your were around him, and it was the most calming and comforting thing you could ever experience.

How can you fall for someone so hard after just knowing them for two weeks?

But being the curious person you are, you couldn't help but ask him. "Is there something on my face?" you tilted your head with a clueless puppy look that made him as flustered as can be. Ears and cheeks turning read as he blinked and looked away from your face.

Both of you knew why he was looking at you that way, but you wanted him to say it out loud himself. And maybe, just maybe you'll be able to tell if he felt the same about you.

If he liked you, if his heart and stomach fluttered whenever he was near you. You wanted to know everything and why he had chosen you amongst the other female customers that were regulars at this cafe.

"Oh- Uhm-" he was stuttering. And that didn't shock you but it filled you with hope. Was it because he liked you? "Yeah, actually." What? You actually had something on your face?

"Here, let me." And your mind stopped as he leaned across the table and reached his hand out as the tips of his fingers grazed your cheekbone before his thumb stroked it. The feeling of his skin against yours made you go crazy, your eyes widened and your face was as red as a tomato as you felt it heating up.

He gave you a toothy smile before pulling away, your eyes briefly focused on his fangs before you looked at what was between his fingers. It was a fallen eyelash, and you were surprised that he paid such close attention to your face to even notice it.

Sunghoon had definitely noticed how red you were, and he could tell by how the tips of your ears immediately changed their colour. But he kept it to himself, he didn't speak up about it or point it out because he actually thought you looked adorable.

"Don't you have work to do?" you asked him as your eyes briefly stared at the time from the clock on the wall, to which Sunghoon shrugged before standing up from his seat and taking something out of his pocket.

It was a napkin, and you thought he was going to throw it away but he quietly placed it in front of you on the table. "I'll see you after my shift, yeah?" he spoke with a confident tone, a smile reappearing on his face as he simply turned around and walked back behind the counter.

You were shocked of confusion, eyeing the napkin in front of you as you slowly reached out to grab it, and once you opened it your breath almost got caught in your throat.

'I like you, and I know you like me too. Let's go out.' is what was written on the napkin with blue ink as well as Sunghoon's name right underneath it.

He was definitely confident, and you liked that about him.

@haerua

[manari-archives]

Read you Mind | MV1

To think that we could be casual You're not my friend And, baby, you never were Why the fuss if you say you just wanna be mine?

pairing: Max Verstappen x Reader

warnings: angry max ig, reference to a sexual relationship

word count: 1.8k

note: again this isn't based on the entire song, just a couple of lines of the song. also english isn't my first language so any corrections feel free to let me know and any feedback is welcome :)

masterlist

Max and you found yourselves entangled in each other's arms, a familiar situation after spending the night together. The warmth of your body contrasted with the unspoken emotions weighing heavily in the room. Max lay awake, contemplating the complexities of your relationship and the words he longed to express.

The morning light crept into the room, casting gentle rays on Max's face as he watched you sleep peacefully beside him. He marveled at your beauty, the way your hair fell softly across your cheek, and the rise and fall of your chest with each breath. But beneath the surface of your physical intimacy, Max felt an undeniable longing for something more.

As he traced the outline of your face with his fingertips, Max couldn't ignore the persistent ache in his heart. He had grown tired of the ambiguity that hung over your connection. It was time to address the unspoken tensions that had been brewing between you.

Breaking the silence, Max's voice finally emerged, tinged with frustration and longing. "You always say you need to be alone. But whenever we're together like this, it feels like you want more from me than just a physical connection."

You shifted uncomfortably, avoiding Max's gaze. "Max, we agreed to keep things casual. I've made it clear that I'm not ready for anything serious."

Max's frustration boiled over, his voice now infused with anger. "Casual? Is that all I am to you? A convenient distraction, fulfilling your physical needs while disregarding my emotions?"

Taken aback by Max's outburst, your eyes widened. "Max, it's not like that. I care about you, but I can't offer you what you want right now."

Sitting up, Max's voice trembled with anger and vulnerability. "You acknowledge that you may be crossing a line. Well, you've crossed it. You made me believe there was something more between us than whatever we have going on. You've wasted our time, my time, by stringing me along, giving me false hope."

Your face crumpled as the weight of Max's words sank in. "Max, I never meant to hurt you. I didn't realize the impact of my actions, and I'm sorry if I led you on."

Max let out a bitter laugh, his anger giving way to resignation. "Sorry isn't enough. You've left me feeling confused and used. It's not fair to me or our connection."

You reached out, your trembling hand attempting to touch Max's arm. "Max, I never intended for things to get so complicated. I care about you, and I never wanted to jeopardize our friendship."

Max recoiled from your touch, his wounded pride and bruised heart pushing him to create distance. "You're not my friend, and you never were. Friends don't treat each other this way. I can't keep pretending that everything is fine when it's not."

Tears welled up in your eyes, your voice cracking with emotion. "Please, Max, I don't want to lose you. I don't want our friendship to end because of this."

Max's anger began to subside, replaced by deep sadness. "I need time to heal and reassess what I want. I can't promise our friendship will remain the same after this. I need space to figure things out."

Silence enveloped you, the weight of shattered expectations heavy in the air. The room, once filled with passion, now felt cold and distant. Max couldn't deny the hurt and betrayal he felt, but he also recognized the genuine pain in your eyes.

Your voice broke the silence, your words barely audible through your tears. "Why the fuss if you say you just wanna be mine? Because deep down, Max, I didn't want to lose you. I was scared of losing the connection we had, even if I couldn't give you what you wanted."

Max couldn't bear the burden of unexpressed emotions any longer. Anger and frustration bubbled up inside him, fueled by the pain of feeling used and discarded. He took a deep breath, his voice trembling with a mixture of rage and vulnerability.

Max's anger surged through him, his emotions bubbling up like molten lava. He felt betrayed and fed up with the uncertainty that had plagued your relationship for far too long. The weight of unexpressed desires and unfulfilled expectations had become unbearable, and he couldn't hold back any longer.

You watched Max, your eyes wide with a mix of shock and fear. You had never seen him this angry before, and the intensity of his words cut through you like a knife. You had underestimated the depth of his feelings and the impact of your actions.

With each word, Max's voice grew louder, his frustration seeping into every syllable. "Damn it! Y/N" he exploded, his voice echoing through the room. "I can't keep pretending that what we have is meaningless. Every time we're together, it's like fireworks are going off inside me. I'm tired of hiding it, of being the one who always compromises. I'm in love with you."

Your breath caught in your throat, your heart pounding against your chest. The gravity of Max's confession hit you like a tidal wave. You hadn't expected him to reveal his deepest emotions so forcefully, and it left you reeling with a mix of guilt and longing.

As Max continued to pour out his feelings, his voice cracked with vulnerability. "You have no idea how much it hurts to see you treat our connection as disposable. I'm not just a placeholder. I deserve to be loved. And if you can't give me that, then I need to walk away."

Your eyes widened in shock, unable to utter a word. The room fell into a heavy silence as Max's confession hung in the air.

Max's anger subsided, replaced by a sense of profound sadness. "You have no idea how much it hurts to see you treat our connection as disposable. I'm not just a placeholder. I deserve to be loved and wanted for more than just physical intimacy. And if you can't give me that, then I need to walk away."

Max's angry outburst shook you to your core, causing you to recoil as if struck by a sudden gust of wind. His words cut through you like a knife, leaving you feeling vulnerable and frightened. You had never seen this side of him before, and it sent a wave of panic surging through you.

Tears welled up in your eyes, your body trembling uncontrollably as you struggled to compose yourself. The weight of Max's anger bore down on you, making you feel small and defenseless. You desperately wanted to explain yourself, to make him understand that your intentions were never to hurt him.

Your tears fell in earnest now, tracing paths down your cheeks. You struggled to steady your voice, your vulnerability laid bare. "I… I didn't realize," you managed to whisper, your voice quivering with a mix of fear and sorrow. The weight of Max's anger bore down on you, making you feel small and defenseless. You wanted desperately to explain yourself, to make him understand that your intentions were never to hurt him.

Your voice trembled as you continued, your tears blurring your vision. "Max, I never wanted you to feel that way. I was wrong, and I'm so sorry. I care about you more than I can put into words, and

I never wanted to jeopardize what we had," your voice filled with a mixture of desperation and sincerity. "But, Max, you know I love you," you added.

Max's gaze softened as he looked into your tear-filled eyes, his heart swelling with a mix of emotions. He saw the depth of your remorse and the truth in your declaration. He squeezed your hand, offering support and reassurance.

"Schatje," he whispered, his voice barely above a breath, "I love you too."

As your eyes met, the weight of your shared commitment settled between you, igniting a renewed sense of possibility amidst the wreckage of your fractured connection. The room, once filled with anger and fear, now held a flicker of hope and the potential for healing.

Max took a moment to absorb your words, feeling a mix of relief and uncertainty. "So, what does this mean? Do you want to be together?"

You nodded, your voice steady with determination. "Yes, Max. I want to give us a chance. I'm still scared, but I want to be with you."

A wave of relief washed over Max as he realized the walls between you were finally crumbling down. He pulled you into a tight embrace, your bodies merging in a mix of passion and reassurance.

As Max and you held each other, a sense of relief washed over you. The heaviness that had clouded the room lifted, replaced by a renewed warmth and hope. The unspoken tension that had plagued you for so long was replaced by a deep sense of reassurance and possibility. Max's anger had served as a catalyst for change, and now you both stood on the precipice of a new chapter in your relationship.

Max leaned in, his lips meeting yours in a tender kiss. It was a kiss infused with years of unspoken desires and a promise of an unexplored future. Your lips intertwined with a gentle urgency as if to convey all the words that had remained unsaid.

Your heart soared as your lips intertwined, the taste of passion mingling with the sweet promise of a newfound connection. It felt like the missing piece had finally fallen into place, and you couldn't help but smile against his lips. The love that had remained hidden for far too long was now allowed to flourish, and you embraced it wholeheartedly.

Max's heart swelled with a mix of emotions as he deepened the kiss, savoring the taste of vulnerability and the unburdened truth. It was a bittersweet moment, knowing the pain you both had endured but also reveling in the newfound clarity. He had longed for this moment, to be able to express his love without fear or hesitation.

A soft smile spread across your faces as you kissed, a mutual understanding shining in your eyes. It was a moment of deep connection, where time seemed to stand still. As you parted, you leaned your foreheads against each other, your breaths mingling in the shared space between you.

In that moment of quiet intimacy, you exchanged unspoken promises. Your foreheads touching, you savored the comfort and familiarity of each other's presence. It was a moment of silent communication, where your hearts aligned and the weight of your past struggles began to fade away.

You remained locked in that tender embrace, finding solace in the silence and the unspoken language of your love. It was as if the universe had conspired to bring you together at that precise moment, urging you to embrace the depth of your connection.

With renewed strength and determination, Max and you shared a smile before your lips met once more. You allowed yourselves to get lost in the sweetness of the kiss, savoring the depth of your emotions and the promise of a future intertwined.

[wheretheharekissesthefox]

I hate Halsin's ending and here's why:

The thing I hate most, honestly, is the lack of continuity.

Halsin feels guilty for not being able to lift the Shadow Curse sooner and on his own:

"Thaniel is trapped in the Shadowfell, but thanks to you efforts, I know where to look. Now, I must go there - alone. [...] This opportunity has been a hundred years in the making. It has to be me, and only me."

"[...] I wasted too much time already - years in which nature has suffered."

"[...] Nature suffered while I dawdled, and allowed myself to be distracted."

Him about being Archdruid and the responsibilities as such:

"I wanted to try and find him [Thaniel], but we couldn't stay - we would have all succumbed. When the Archdruid of the Grove, my predeccessor, was seized by the curse, I had to lead the survivors to safety. That was my first day as Archdruid. An inauspicious beginning."

"I reveived a dispatch from the Grove [...] My chosen successor, Francesca, has proven to be a wise choice. Perhaps the wisest I ever made as Archdruid."

"I was all too eager to surrender my responsibilities towards the grove. Perhaps I was never meant to be Archdruid, to be a leader. [...] I cannot help but wonder if there was more I could have done. Perhaps I may yet have the chance some day."

"[...] I live for the wilderness. Comfort is for the farm animal, snug in its pen."

His plans on returning to the former Shadow-Cursed-Lands:

"Still, I would like to return here some day. See Thaniel and Oliver again - in my meditations, or perhaps in person, if the Oak Father wills it. I hope he does. [...] Anyway, once the curse is lifted, nature can take its course without me. I belong at your side."

His future plans:

"[...] The Shadow Curse occupied me so entirely and for so long... I almost miss the purpose it gave me. Now, I must find a new one."

"My mind still drifts to that dream I shared with you, for a better future for all those who need it... but that must wait. I remain yours of course."

Things he says to you regarding you relationship:

"I haven taken many lovers. My heart does not stir lightly. But it does now."

"You are all I want, but I won't hoard you to myself. Let others know the happiness of being with you."

"[...] The Grove became my family, with Silvanus as my teacher. And now, I have you."

"We shall triumph. Our time together does not end here."

"[...] So long as I am surviving, and I have you by my side, I am faring as well as anyone can be."

When breaking up with him:

"[...] If that's truly what you desire, I shall respect it. No matter how much I wish it was not the case. I will remain by your side whenever you wish, of course. As ally, advisor, friend... in any way you desire, safe for as a lover."

When you change your mind about breaking up:

"I'm glad you have reconsidered, but please don't trivially bring up such difficult topics. My heart can be wounded like any other "

"[...] I told you your heart is yours, but I do not wish for mine to be toyed with."

... and break up with him again (lol):

"Does it please you to see me crestfallen? That is the only reason I can think why you might toy with my heart like this."

"I warned you not to broach such matters lightly. Perhaps you care less for me than I supposed..."

Nicknames for Tav (at least the ones I heard):

"my love" and "my heart"

When being in a relationship with him and asking for having more partners:

"[...] Don't punish yourself on my account - remember we are both free to roam and love as we see fit."

"I'm glad you didn't feel the need to deprive yourself. To deny the most essential of impulses is to cut yourself off of nature."

"[...] I asked for freedom to follow my heart, and of course, I offer it in return."

"[...] I'm glad you shown yourself to be comfortable in exploring without me."

When in a relationship with him, having sex with Mizora and telling him you didn't enjoy it:

"[...] I'm sorry to hear that [...] I just hope it doesn't dissuade you from exploring nature's bounty. If you ever want to talk, my ears are all yours. Any part of me is yours, should you wish."

In conclusion:

Halsin feels guilty for not being able to lift the Shadow Curse sooner and on his own, wasting 100 years by doing so.

He feels like he failed as Archdruid and that he's not made for being a leader.

He doesn't want to settle down but roam.

The Shadow Curse was the only thing on his mind and his only purpose for 100 years.

He doesn't know what to do, now that the curse is lifted, and is looking for a new purpose.

He voices his wish to eventually see Thaniel again.

He's poly, had a lot of flings, and doesn't fall in love easily, but he fell hard for you.

He talks about sharing the future with you.

Halsin's ending:

"They [refugees & orphans] need help - help what this city cannot provide right now. I shall aid them to make a new place for themselves, in Thaniel's realm, under nature's watch. [...] There were nine whole wagons of children in tow. They are my duty now. 'Daddy Halsin', they call me. Who am I to tell them otherwise? We are each free, as we always were... but that does not to be the end. You must visit me soon [...] I shall have my own selfish reasons for wanting to see you again, if you wish the same."

How the game ends:

Halsin brings the refugees and orphans to Thaniel's lands, inevitably becoming a leader again and settling down.

He tells you to visit him, but doesn't ask you to join him, meaning he doesn't actually want to share that "dream I shared with you, for a better future for all those who need it", treating you like a normal fling instead of the love he claims you are.

It's a weird, unsatisfying ending, and honestly, most possible endings are. Baldur's Gate 3 is such an amazing game, but most endings feel incredibly rushed or unsatisfying (I'm especially glaring at the Karlach & Astarion endings, but that's for another rant). My dislike for the Halsin ending isn't that he doesn't magically turn monogamous, but that he tells you over and over again how much you mean to him ("You are all I want", "Anything for you, my heart") and then he just fucking leaves on his own without even asking if you want to join him. He's just like "I found a new purpose, bye, see ya, visit if you want to fuck."

It feels like the writers just gave up in the end - or didn't have enough time left to do it right (I get that, I work as a translator & editor). It just feels weird.

[milktei]

When you write angst/fluff one shots, I love how you indulge more with your character's feelings and not just straight up jumping to the good part where everything's alright. Specifically during "Again" and "Fine". Would you mind writing the same stuff but with a bit of hostile management of actions whilst in a disagreement with the reader? Will writing for Kuroo or Ushijima okay? ( I think you've taken a liking to Sakusa so I'm not sure if you want the first two captains.) Anyhow, I'm frankly talking about a bit of viol3nce. In this view, how would they speak up their mind and resolve the matter maturely?

Of course when you're available, thank you for your time:3

Love Sealed in Gold

Ushijima Wakatoshi x gn!Reader

Genre: Angst, tiny bit of hurt/comfort

Warnings: Violence (not towards reader), Possible oocness again. Not edited :P

The pace that i managed to get this out is surprising even to me :o But i had an idea the moment i read the ask!! Isn’t that crazy???

the fact that it’s obvious that sakusa is my fav is kinda embarrassing ngl HAHA BUT i just enjoy writing for haikyuu so don’t worry about requesting people i haven’t written on!

hope you enjoyed this anon! i couldn’t in good conscious add anymore “violence” than i did. what i wrote is really tiptoeing the line for me.

That being said anyone who reads this please don’t take this as me saying to forgive everyone who acts like Ushijima does in this, of course every situation is different but i don’t want it to seem like this is acceptable behaviour and something a person should have to deal with and accept. Violence is a scary and serious thing especially in a relationship so stay safe!

Anyways the idea of using Kintsugi as a metaphor in writing isn’t exactly new but i hope you guys enjoy my take on it and how i wrote it :)

The Japanese art of Kintsugi is a method of fixing broken pottery that has been popularized all over the world, romanticized even. Something about using the precious material that gold is (among other materials), to put something back together seems to tear into the hearts of people all over the world. So much so that companies even sell their own Kintsugi kits where you can break the provided pottery and put it back together yourself.

How ironic, to buy something only to break it and go through the tedious task of connecting all the broken pieces back together again.

Many hold the belief that kintsugi hold its own deeper meanings. Some say it shows that something breaking and being repaired shouldn’t be covered up, but instead embraced, as it is a part of that objects history.

A more pessimistic view on the subject could be the fact that no matter how beautiful the broken pottery looks, it will never be the same again.

As you stand looking at your boyfriend with only horror filling your body, you could only think about the same could be said for your relationship.

You knew from the get go that getting into a relationship with the Ushijima Wakatoshi was going to be a tough mountain to climb. Anyone from family, friends, colleagues, and even complete strangers had warned you of that fact.

From his personality, to his schedule and the demands that came with being a professional athlete; it seemed that everything was put against the two of you.

But he was the one to ask you out, to court you, the one who crossed the line from friends to potential lovers. That was something that no one could deny being surprised about.

Yes your boyfriend was intimidating, seemingly expressionless and emotionally constipated. But you loved him, and he loved you.

You could work around schedules, you understood why he works as hard as he does, and learning who he really was something that came with time.

As your relationship progressed you could really begin to see what kind of person he was, and how the most subtle changes in his demeanour could signal a change in mood.

But this behaviour was not subtle, it was pronounced, loud, it filled the entire room and made it difficult to breathe properly.

You could barely remember what you two were arguing about this time. Perhaps how you acted during a charity event? How he was running late to a date and didn’t text or call to let you know? it seemed to be a trend for you two in the last couple of weeks. Pick at every little thing one found less than pleasing and then getting mad when the other tried to defend themselves.

This cycle had been going on for far too long and both of you were tired of it, but at the same time too stubborn, too proud to admit defeat.

It was late, far too late for the both of you to be awake, it was far from an appropriate time for you two to be arguing at the volume you were, but whatever exhaustion either of you felt was smothered by a whirlwind of emotions and stubbornness.

Ushijima wiped a hand down his face in frustration from where he sat at the dinner table. Across the room you paced, ranting about your point in the argument that had only been going in circles at this point.

“I-it’s like you can’t even bring yourself to care anymore!” you exclaimed frantically.

A piercing glare was sent your way and it took everything in you to not shrink away from it.

He stood up, with his size, the action in itself felt extremely intimidating, but you felt the way he talked down on you much more severely.

To further articulate his words, a palm would slam down on the surface of the table, so hard that you could feel the vibration in the floor. Each slam was louder and each time you flinched.

His words grew harsher, louder, and more pointed with each sentence. The look of pure, searing anger and hatred on his face kept you frozen in your place.

The man in front of you was unrecognizable, the man in front of you was not the gentle giant you loved. If anything, he was exactly like how many people would describe him upon meeting him. If not worse.

His words, which had now become shouts swirled in your mind, your eyes began to sting as tears began to well in your eyes. All you could think about was how you wanted this to stop, how if only your body would listen to you and move so that you could begin to ask for forgiveness. How you would give anything right in that moment for him to stop yelling and to stop looking at you like you were dirt on his shoe.

Your prayers were soon answered by the sound of shattering ceramic.

The gasp you let out was visceral, uncontrollable, you couldn’t hold it back if you tried.

The fire in his eyes seemed to die out all at once, his gaze moved to his outstretched arm and he look at it as if it had a mind of its own.

His arms were his prized possession even if he never said it out loud, some would go as far to say that they were something to be celebrated. His arms that can hit a volleyball with the utmost precision, arms that brought him to victory and through loss. Strong arms that held you at night and provided you with a great amount of comfort some could only dream of.

Arms that now only served to fill your body with dread.

A vase, along with all its contents was shattered on the hardwood floor.

It had chipped the paint on the wall beside him where the impact initially happened, water that splattered the surface had begun dripping to the ground.

You both recognized the vase, how could you not?You had gone out together to buy it when he had brought you flowers for the first time and you had realized you had nothing to put them in. After moving in together, you used it as a center piece for your dining table.

How sad that an item so fragile and small could hold so much meaning, and that it now lay broken, it was almost as if it were mocking you.

The room was silent as the both of you stared at the scene before you. Minds reeling as you both tried to process the events that had just unfolded.

Ushijima had thrown the vase at the wall in a fit of anger.

“y/n-“

“Don’t”

You looked up at him and wondered if the conflicted emotions that flickered across his face mirrored your own.

You looked away and took a shaky breath. “An apology won’t fix it. You can’t throw and break something, especially not that, and just expect me to be able to hear and accept an apology, not now, not for this.”

His mouth snapped shut and the tension that filled the room was suffocating. Every time you glanced at the broken ceramic the urge to cry grew and grew.

You wrapped your arms around yourself and took a step back, “I’m…” You swallowed roughly as your voice cracked, “I’m going to the bedroom, you need to clean that up and it’s obvious that we need time to cool down.”

With one last glance at the scene, you turned on your heel and made your way towards your shared room, not seeing the look of anguish that Ushijima held on his face as the watched you leave his sight.

You softly closed the door behind you and as it clicked shut, the realization of what had just transpired fell upon you like waves during a storm.

Despite popular belief, Ushijima had never been an intentionally violent man. The only harm he had caused was on the court, where it wasn’t uncommon for athletes to get injured no matter how good or bad they played.

But tonight, he had no reason to do what he did, there was no excuse even if it was the nth argument of the week. The Ushijima you knew was emotionally intelligent enough to know that he did not have to go through the actions of picking up the vase and throwing it at the wall in order to let his anger be known. He did not need to do that to show you how angry you made him.

His anger had been shown all throughout the night. It was practically palpable.

Your legs shook underneath you as you tried to make it to your bed but your efforts were in vain, you crumpled to the cold hard floor, feeling like you were in pieces, much like the ceramic on the floor of your dining room.

You desperately tried to hold yourself together as you replayed the what had just unfolded again and again in your mind. Not understanding why you felt so conflicted.

Fear. You realized.

Fear is what you felt, refused to believe. How could you fear the one you loved?

And yet every part of your body rejected the idea of your boyfriend and urged you to be afraid of him. Afraid of the only man who could make you as happy as he did.

The man who was supposed to make you feel loved, protected, and safe was the same man that made you feel the complete opposite.

Your chest ached and you breathing quickened, now fully aware of the situation you found yourself in. You were afraid of your boyfriend and didn’t know what that meant for the future of you relationship.

He was- is all you ever want, you couldn’t imagine spending your life with anyone but him, but how were you supposed to move on from this? You now knew how he could react in times of great anger, what if it only got worse from here?

It was then that you finally allowed yourself to cry. After all that had happened you didn’t know where your relationship stood.

It was only after a couple minutes that the door to the bedroom began to open ever so slightly, at a pace so slow you couldn’t even see or hear it through your sobs.

“y/n?” His voice managed to spit out. He was quiet, uncertain, he feared for what your reaction may be at him being there at that moment.

You didn’t respond to him but he knew that you knew he was there, even as sobs racked your body and you pressed a hand to your mouth in a feeble attempt to quiet them.

Slowly, as if not to startle a deer in the forest, Ushijima sank to the floor from where he stood. Keeping an eye on you as he sat down, angling himself so that he was looking at the far wall and you wouldn’t be forced to make eye contact if you could find it in yourself yourself to look up at him.

This was far from ideal to him. He wanted nothing more than to scoop you into his arms and bring you to bed, quiet your cries as he held you tight and told you that it would pass and by the morning it would be a thing of the past.

But he knew better. He knew that he was the reason for your tears and the last thing that you needed was for him to wrap his arms around you.

He was aware of your fear before you were. The horrified look you gave him would be something that would stay engrained in his mind for years to come.

He was only used to you looking at him with love and happiness in your eyes and he had managed to ruin that in one night.

“I know that you don’t want an apology right now.” Ushijima started, he looked down at his hands and clenched them together to prevent them from trembling. “But I just wanted to let you know that… I am fully aware of how unacceptable my actions were tonight, that was no way to take out my anger and I should know better than to display my anger in the way that I did.”

Your cries had stopped at this point but you still trembled, still it brought him the smallest amount of comfort knowing that you were likely listening to him now.

“You deserve better than my misplaced anger, and you have every right to be angry with me, to not want to even be in this room, in this house with me right now. If you wanted to leave-“

His breath hitched and he found himself looking down at the hands in his lap with disgust and sadness.

“If you wanted to leave right now I would understand, but that doesn’t mean I’m giving up on us, I’ll do whatever it takes to earn your trust again.”

Your head lifted ever so slightly and it gave him the confidence to keep going,

“I’ll get help, I’ll find other ways to channel my emotions. Along with that I’ll ask you for your feedback on how you think I’m doing, if what I’m doing makes me worthy of being with someone like you. It won’t start more fights I promise.”

He smiled at himself sadly “You seem to know me better than I know myself at times and that’s one of the reasons I fell in love you. I don’t think I could forgive myself for losing you if I didn’t put as much effort into trying as I could.”

The room was filled with silence once again as Ushijima finished talking. He sighed to himself. He hated this, he hated what he had done to you two, he hated that he was the reason for your tears and he hated that he was feeling completely helpless at the moment, and that you were well within your right to end everything, and there would be nothing he could do.

Your hand grazes his shoulder and he has to do a double take to ensure that you were there. Right at his side like you always had been for the years you had been dating.

Your smiled was coupled with sadness and exhaustion, and he couldn’t hold back the sound of surprise that left him as you wrapped your arms around him and let yourself press your weight into him.

He let out a shaky breath he didn’t know he was holding and allowed his arms to finally reach for you, the next thing you knew, you were being pulled into his lap and he held your head close to his chest, you could hear his heart pounding and could feel his entire body tremble. He kissed the top of your head and let his head rest on top of yours. When he realized how instinctively he was acting, he froze.

“I’m sorry I didn’t mean to act so suddenly I-“

You shushed the man and ran your stroked his arm soothingly in an attempt to calm him.

“I understand.”

Quiet filled the bedroom and for the first time in a long time, it didn’t feel oppressive, or hot with anger. It felt comfortable as it always should have.

Ushijima was the first to break the silence. “We’ll be okay y/n, right?”

The question was almost childish, naive, and ignorant of how many more questions would be raised answering it.

But it was purely Ushijima. Something that only Ushijima would ask in a time like this, he knew about the complexities, knew it would be hard to answer, but he asks anyways.

You ponder for a moment, knowing that no matter how you answered, there was still always the chance that everything could still turn out very differently that whatever you two could imagine.

“We’ll have to work towards it Toshi, and it might be a slow process, but from the bottom of my heart. I believe in us.”

Strong arms hug you tighter, filling you with that familiar warmth

“Thank you.”

Kintsugi is the art of repairing what was once broken by adding something precious to the mix. When used as a philosophy it encourages the acceptance of fragility, coming back from hardship stronger than before, and being proud of something imperfect.

Something that is repaired using this method will never look the same, but that doesn’t take away from the fact that it still holds a unique beauty to it and will continue to function, as long as it is done properly and handled with care.

[veintrry]

what are we?

wanderer x gn!reader, could be a modern au, angst & fluff, he's scared of trusting his 'heart'.

an: i had a dream he asked this (he asked more but I couldn't remember) and it was like a twitter back and fourth😭

ac: @/syea-say on tmblr | @/syea_say on twt & ig

"What kind of relationship do we have?"

The question came abruptly, bringing the silence to an end. You noticed beforehand that it seemed like something was on his mind, he appeared to be elsewhere in his mind, pondering deeply. Is this what that was about?

He doesn't wait for you to answer, not yet, he continues,

"Love always ends in disappointment." He turns to face you properly, a stoic look in his eyes, his lips pressed into a line. "You're a mortal too, so what's the point of pursing something like this when it'll come to an end anyways?"

He was right to say that. I mean, you are a mortal, you have an expiration date, so does everyone, but to you and the majority of others it's normal, because it's something you learn to live with an accept.

"Everything ends at some point, you know there's not much to be done about that. We can only make good of what we have now."

"That's such a boring answer." He scrutinises you, his brows furrowing. "You know that's not what I want to hear."

You stare back at him, quiet as you think of what to say. You could easily just tell him that you won't leave him, that you'll never allow that to happen. But you can't make such a huge promise, if you break it, it would feel like a lie. You don't want to lie to him, but you don't want to disappoint him.

"There is no real point." You turn your head to look elsewhere, opting to view the scenery than see his face scrunch up. You didn't want whatever reaction he had to offer you, not when you weren't sure if the reception would be good.

"Do you think I do things because they'll last?" You crouch down to the plants nearby, touching their tips with your finger. "Nothing lasts. Everything ends." Life was no different than a leaf, but what defined it was not the tree that beared it nor it's kind but rather how far it travelled, how big it's world was. "But if I just did nothing my entire life and waited for that end to come it would've been no different from the beginning."

"What the hell are you trying to say?" The wanderer crosses his arms. He doesn't want anything complicated right now, each answer that isn't what he wants to hear sounds more like the opposite; Like you don't want to be here, with him.

Turning your head up at him, he was starting to bother you with his unspoken persistence for you to just say what he wanted you to and you began speaking directly, "I'm saying that the only reason life is considered to have an end is based on if you actually do something during it." You stayed quiet for a bit before letting out a heavy breath after some contemplation. "I don't want to do nothing." It didn't matter how many years passed, how old you are or how weak you are. If you still have time then you might as well live in it.

"Kuni, you might have existed a long time but have you properly lived? You act so humane and yet you deny any internal ties to humanity. Isn't it more like you're using my mortality as an excuse to forbid yourself from acknowledging your own denials?"

That, that was most definitely the last thing he wanted to hear. You having said you can't be here with him would have been bad, but somehow this was worse because he had his reality forced infront of him. It was humiliating in a way, to be exposed when you were always bare. You can see his face growing frustrated, he seemed as though he was trying to bite his tongue but you might've struck a nerve. "An excuse?" A degrading laugh erupted from his throat, "Are you serious? Why would I need an excuse? I don't need to be human in the first place, this has nothing to do with that. You're the one making up things and avoiding giving me an answer."

You were on the brink of leading to an argument and even you couldnt keep your head cool. You stand up in defense as you shoot back. "I'm not avoiding anything. I'll stay with you for as long as my lifespan allows it, but I cannot and will not tell you that I will stay forever."

There was an aching silence that followed. As though this was concrete, like this was just shattering. You didn't know what it was breaking, you didn't know if it was your relationship or him, but you had to try and fix it before it worsens.

"Kuni, I love you, I want you to be happy, not just now but onwards as well." Your gaze falls onto his hands. You want to reach out, but you cant bring yourself to out of fear he'd deny you. You know he might want you to, as a sign of.. anything, but you can't. "I don't want you to rely on me, I want you to be capable of accepting yourself and finding comfort within who you are."

"Well then, ...Who am I?" The wanderers head stays stuck to the ground as if if he keeps his sights on it it would open up and just, do something, swallow him, let him forget this, forget everything, Bury him deep in the dirt and have the roots of all life suffocate him. "What?"

"You said within who I am, so, who am I?"

You didn’t want to do this a second time, "Kuni-"

"Please," He pauses, releasing a shaky breath from the confines of his chest. "just answer."

"You're who you say you are. I won't define you."

He latches onto your wrist, pulling you to him, underneath his hat as his head beckons upwards and you finally get to see his face rid of that anger. Instead, it is replaced with a pleading look, almost desperate. "I want you to,"

"I need you to do it. I don't know how else I am meant to do it. I don't know who I am. I wasn't meant to have an identity, I'm not like you, I'm not a human." In a way, admitting that was a painful thing. No matter how alike to humans he was, he wasn't one. "You were made, I was built. You breathe the moment you are born, I taught myself to." The more he spoke you felt like he was trying to implement this difference into your mind, that if you couldn't promise him forever you should be irked by him.

"We are different, but you are still a person to me. Do you think that I've ever seen you as anything else? Do you think I want to leave you alone? I care for you, I do so much that it kills me. And I hate how if you asked something of me I'd give it to you so easily, but not this. I won't lie to you." It would've been an odd thing for you to say, but to you, the wanderer made you feel alive, it made all the previous events of your life pale in comparison, and you truly, felt alive. You don't know why but with this emotion came care and you want to continue to value him, to love him, even when you've passed.

"Our relationship doesn't matter, you just need to know that I love you." You yank his wrist and pull him into you as your other arm slips under his and around his back, holding him tightly as you rest your head in the coup of his neck. "I love you, Kuni. I love you, I love you, I love you." And with each time you repeated it you lifted your head to his neck, planting small kisses, hoping he can feel it, what you do.

The wanderer merely stood there, paralysed. He still wants the unreal fantasy of eternity. But, he finds himself caving to the warmth of what you were offering despite how bittersweet it. It was fulfilling despite the fact it reflects the temporary time you two had, but he no longer found his mind wandering off to then, to when you'd slip away from him. He could feel you. Hands slither to your back, pulling you deeper into him, so deep till there was no space between you two but he still wanted more. He wanted to be with you, just as one, to know all of you. And he was worried he wouldn't have enough time for that. But just for now, for this moment, he wants to listen to your voice, to feel your body temperature, and rest.

He simply leans in, and kisses your forehead, before tilting his head onto yours. This is fine, this is okay. He can live with this, for as long as he can have it.

[theninth09]

Something that I love that is basically canon is how in tune Theo and Liam are. Like post season 6 I imagine the pack find it so startling to the point where it’s almost creepy.

I like to imagine that sometims when theres a break or intermission after/during a meeting or get together one of the pack will be like, “where’s Liam/or Theo?” And the other will know the exact location just immediately before any other supernatural has picked up the other’s scent or hearing. There are also totally times where someone will ask them both a question or for their opinion and Thiams eyes will just meet and everyone else watches as the two have a whole conversation without any direct communication. You could argue others in the pack can also do this like Stiles and Scott or Derek and Stiles or even Mason and Corey. BUT Liam and Theo are on a whole other level. What’s the best about this concept though is the absolutely hilarious faces the pack makes when they do anything like this in front of them-Liam the angry beta and Theo the chimera of death are so universally understood by one another that no words are needed between the two, and that is just shocking to everyone else. Both boys have so much trouble verbally communicating how they’re feeling/thinking with everyone, and so for both of them to find someone that can literally just tell with a look is so meaningful.

No one even knows how to describe the two of them separately anymore, including each other, because they are just so unanimously ONE. One soul, one brain, one heart. They love each other but it’s also just SO MUCH MORE than that!

oh absolutely and as you said, i love that this is canon. there's so many instances of this in s6 and while liam constantly tries to deny it, hes always looking for theo. and its so lovely how they just get each other. even in s6a when theo hasnt been back yet for long, they effortlessly fight next to each other. obviously s6ep20 is an even better example of this because they're so in tune, they easily work off of each other cues, and they even get so physical with it??? they stay right by each others side, liam literally rolls himself over theos back and theo gives him a little boost to further his momentum. like its actually so cute of them how well they understand each other.

and that's not even getting into their whole eye contact thing... them wordlessly communicating during the confrontation with gabe in the locker room and liam turning to look at theo when peter complains about his car getting destroyed are two moments that immediately come to mind for me. also, theo turning to look at liam after they leave the police station, when the pack fakes leaving beacon hills. they have so many moments where they look at each other and literally just. stare. they dont say anything, the pack doesnt fucking address this either??? its just them looking into each other's eyes and it makes me crazy. like that scene in s6ep16 where mason asks liam "should i come with you guys?" and instead of answering, liam looks to theo. theo looks back at liam and THEN answers mason. like. ok. just liam expecting his bf to answer his best friend and said boyfriend immediately reacting. whatever.

scott, at least, actually canonically sometimes looks at them a bit suspiciously (heres a lovely compilation of that by my dear oomf on twt) and its absolutely hilarious to me. i dont doubt that the pack would side-eye them occasionally but i feel like they'd accept thiam being thiam relatively quick, because they're already so used to their gay antics in canon. like when theo dragged liam into the bathroom at the police station in front of the entire pack?? and no one stopped him? liam didnt try to fight back either??? like, alright. their surprise wouldnt stay for long because even before they're in an actual relationship, they already act that way with each other.

going away from canon, i totally agree with them knowing where the other one is. i think they become obsessed with keeping track of each other's scent and heartbeat, but in a very sweet way. they find it calming and reassuring. theo unconsciously listening to liams heartbeat as a background noise. just in the back of his mind, because it makes him feel more comfortable. and being able to pick out liams scent literally always bc hes spent so much time looking out for it. i feel like for theo its more of a soft indulgence. he loves liam and automatically does these things. it makes him happy, even if he wouldnt admit it.

for liam, it stems more from insecurity and fear. liams abandonment issues ("hayden left me. scott's leaving, too." his reaction when he hears that morey are planning to go to the same college (possibly "leaving liam behind") and as a hc: his bio dad leaving him and his mom) and the way theo throws himself into danger for liam. liam would keep track of theos scent and heartbeat to make sure that he's still around, that he's still alive. liam feeling relieved everytime he has proof that theo hasnt left. that theo hasnt gotten himself killed. as you said, they kinda suck at verbally communicating so liam wouldnt be able to articulate this to theo. that liam has this anxiety of theo leaving, in whatever way, like everybody else. thankfully, theos actions would be enough to calm liam. he himself would never think this of himself, but hes incredibly reliable when it comes to liam.

i love this concept of them going from being liam and theo to liam and theo. in s6ep16 there's two scenes where characters refer to them as a pair (nolan talking to the hunters about them and scott mentioning them to malia, lydia & argent) and its something so simple but it makes me so giddy. they're a pair. they belong to each other. they're liam and theo. and they fit each other so well. they mirror each other in a lot of things, but they also complete each other. theo is the calm to liams anger and vice-versa. they make each other angry, they make each other happy, they suck at verbally communicating but they effortlessly understand each other. they each think of themselves as a monster and help each other learn that thats not the case. they're liam and theo and im insane about them.

like yeah them as a ship is obviously something i love. but its not just them in a relationship that i find interesting about them. even if you dont ship them, their dynamic is so fascinating and their interactions are really fun. the way liam goes from "hating" theo to trusting him but still being in denial about that so he keeps lashing out at theo (threatening to kill him, saying scott will never trust him, etc) and the way theo goes from only being interested in his own survival to deeply caring about liam, saving his life and staying for him. all this is extremely romantic and homoerotic to me, but even if, for some weird reason, you do not read it that way, you still cannot deny that theres a bond between those two. they're linked to each other, no matter how you view their relationship.

[likecanyoujustnot]

Cardan’s letters pov

Part 3: games

A/n: I wrote it pretty quickly. This is so much easier than the feysand one. Hm. Shouldn’t take me long to do the others

Part 2. Part 4

I was positively miserable. Another week had passed, making it 25 days she’d been gone for. I had never cared this much about time before now.

The court had noticed I wasn’t the same. Many rumours I’d been injured, or fallen ill. I supposed I was ill. Heartbreak or as close to it as I could get at the moment.

Never thought I’d feel something like this. Ever. Never thought I’d care so much about someone I’d yearn for their presence so much. To hear their voice, see their face and smile. Care so much that they could come so close to breaking my heart.

I’d come so close to just asking Taryn for help, but after all she’d done to Jude, I wasn’t inclined to speak to her.

But I knew who I would be.

“I know you’ve been seeing Jude.”

The roach looked up at me from where he sat looking at spy reports.

“What makes you say that?” The fact he didn’t deny it told me all I needed to know.

“You’re not the only one with sources.” It was a guess, but I knew him well enough to know he cared for Jude. He wasn’t likely to just ignore her.

“I am your sources.”

“That’s beside the point.” I sat at the small table across from him.

“Remind me again of the point since you already know I’ve seen her.”

Is she safe? Angry? Does she use her every breath to declare how much she hates me? I go for a less desperate question. “How is she?”

“She’s fine.” He went back to his report.

“That’s not what I meant and you know it.”

He sighed and set down the pen. “She’s mentioned you maybe twice.”

My stomach dropped. Maybe she didn’t even see me as important enough to return to. “Is she angry?”

“As angry as someone who’s been exiled by one they trusted can be.”

“So very angry?”

“Not quite. She seems to be more… distant. Cold. She’s been using her time as a mercenary for the folk living in her area, getting paid just enough to help her sister, killing and dealing with their issues.”

She was queen now. Anything I owned now belonged to the both of us. And vice versa. She now had access to the entire royal coffers, all the gold and valuables Mab and my father collected.

Now hers.

“That news disturbs you.” He was very observant, I’d give him that.

I didn’t answer him for a while. Keeping quiet in thought.

“Does she want to come back?”

“I’m not sure, she hasn’t mentioned it.” His gaze hardened. “Besides, you exiled her, said that if she came back she’d be killed. Jude is many things, foolish is not one of them, she wouldn’t come back to a death trap.”

He didn’t know about the loophole, so I couldn’t have him relay the message.

“I spoke to Vivienne once while she was out.”

Vivi and I had been friendly. Her closeness to Rhyia caused us to interact on occasion.

“What’d she say?”

“Not much, she’s distrustful of the fae. Said Jude barely spoke to her, that she was jittery, would spend a couple minutes every day just staring at space, playing with the ring on her finger.”

The wedding ring. The one I’d used my lessons of slight hand to take as she’d worn it. Given back to her as we exchanged vows. The far didn’t do wedding rings. But I’d thought Jude would appreciate it.

She’d probably told Vivi we were married. I doubt either would’ve told the roach.

My heart ached. I’d been an idiot. Marry her and exile her in the space of a couple hours. What could go wrong?

Clearly everything.

I put my head in my hands and rested my elbows on the table. “I just want her back.”

“Maybe you should tell her that.”

“I can’t.” My voice cracked.

“Well then, not much I can do I’m afraid.”

I looked up at the roach. “Can you tell her?”

“No.”

I glared at him. “I am your king-”

He stared back at me with just as much will. “Yes, but you are also my friend, Cardan. And I will not fix your mistakes for you. I will not be your go between in this weird relationship you two have going on. You want her back you tell her that, you fight for her back.”

“I’m not a fighter.” Balekin had felt the need to remind me of that every time I failed.

“Not all fighting is done with a sword.”

The roach stood up and left.

I grabbed a piece of blank paper from where he had been working and grabbed the quill.

The words came much easier to me today that they had the past times I’d tried writing to her.

Jude,

You are in no mood for games. Very well. I am in no mood for them either.

Let me write it outright. You are pardoned. I revoke your banishment. I rescind my words. Come home.

Come home and shout at me. Come home and fight with me. Come home and break my heart, if you must.

Just come home.

Cardan

I stared at the words on the page. No room for misinterpretation. I told her she wouldn’t be killed, that she would be safe, that I wanted her to come home. To me.

I needed her to come home.

My wife,

My queen,

My Jude.

Tags:

@magicstrengthandcourage

[yuseirra]

Kamiki-Ai relationship: how they felt about each other(Going a bit wild this time)

here I am..way past bedtime going on about them yet AGAIN

Will I ever get tired of talking about them?? Well, the more I look into this as every new chapter drops,… idk..the guy turns out to be even milder than I thought he would, and it makes SENSE. It's been so fun and tense speculating about them lately. I have to say I'm becoming increasingly optimistic and tend to try and take things in a pretty good light; but I do see that sort of possibility with the two. If Mephisto and Fatal is Kamiki's song then at least he's DEVOTED.

SoOO this time, I went wild in my stream of consciousness earlier, and I found it really funny and worth sharing. I'd like to share it here, too! :) I hope you enjoy this positive take. I'd like to do it while it's still possible!

(translated using chatgpt4.0. I daren't write the entire thing again o<-<)

It seems like there’s a break this week~~ I feel at ease during break weeks.. lol. At least this week, whatever I write won’t be contradicted by new developments, right? lol

I’ve already written quite a lot about these two, and I’m sure I’ve written more logically in previous posts.

This time, I’m just writing based on intuition and feelings, without much structure (but sometimes, these are what actually ends up being more accurate in sense).

I think Ai found Kamiki really cute. Like how a mother would adore her children, she had that kind of affection for the character. Since they met when he was small, it probably made her feel that way even more. And we can see that in how she first pinched his cheeks when they met, and how she teased him by saying he seemed like a child and was cute when they went out to eat. When Kamiki hugs Ai (in chapters 146 and 153), the way he looks up at her makes Ai seem like the older sister, and it’s really like that. Despite only being a year apart, their relationship does have an older sister-younger brother dynamic. And at that age, a one-year difference can have a significant psychological impact, so it’s natural. Ai is the older sister, and because of that, Kamiki probably relied on her a lot (oh dear). Even now, that dynamic might still be there.. lol. If they were to meet again now, that dynamic might surprisingly still be present. I feel like the fact that both of Aqua’s heroines are a year older than him was a conscious choice, possibly influenced by this dynamic.

In my view, if you combine Aqua’s relationships with both heroines, you get Kamiki and Ai’s relationship.

When Akane talks about her feelings she has towards Aqua to Kana? Was it when they went to the beach? It’s chapter 149. She says she has a maternal-like affection for Aqua, and Ai probably felt something similar for Kamiki.

Oh, and Akane says she hopes Aqua gets a good job and gets into a good university... that she supports him in that way.

That might be one of the reasons Ai and Kamiki broke up... even if it wasn’t the main reason, it’s still there. The reason they ended up like that was because Ai wanted to protect him.

She probably also had that heart-fluttering affection for Kamiki, similar to how Kana feels about Aqua (though Ai’s personality is different from Kana’s, so she wouldn’t show it as outwardly bubbly. But who knows, chapter 140 makes me wonder. That was very similar to AquaKana, and Aqua denied that the movie was just a fabrication so she could have been outwardly affectionate as well- that chapter is what I frequently work with when I make fanarts as well).

The character has a tendency to dote on others. Early on, when she says her kids are geniuses and that you can’t hide genetics, it made me think. While Ai’s intelligence isn’t fully highlighted, Kamiki later started a company, didn’t he? Ai probably wasn’t unintelligent, but I think Kamiki may have been the more studious one. That comment might have been made with Kamiki in mind.

Even the fact that she named her children after jewels might have been influenced by Hikaru. The one who compared Hikaru to jewels in the story was Ai. The children’s hair color and features resemble their father, especially Aqua, who looks like a mini version of Hikaru (though oddly enough, Ruby seems to resemble him more the more you look). The fact that she put two characters for “love” in Aqua’s name, with the kanji for “longing” in between, could be because she thought of Kamiki when naming Aqua, who resembles him so much. Considering how much she liked that character, I think that’s quite likely. She really wanted to stay with him, but couldn’t.

Ai loves cute things. I think her first impression of her boyfriend was that he was a “cute boy.” And Kamiki, when he was younger, had those big round eyes and a gentler, more delicate appearance compared to Aqua (even now, he looks more “delicate” than “handsome” Aqua). If you look at his actions back then, he was an innocent kid in a tough situation with a pretty gentle nature...

So with Ai’s personality, I think it’s natural that her protective instincts would kick in. Ai likes taking care of others.

Even though she struggled with understanding what love is, she still showed affection by petting and hugging her kids with a smile. That’s just her nature (although being affectionate isn’t always essentially the same as being a good caregiver, I think it still helps a lot. Ai probably wanted to be a good mom and a good lover, and she likely worked hard for that). Looking at how she treats Kamiki, she often holds his hand and hugs him. She must have adored him. It seems like Kamiki didn’t realize it back then, but I think he came to realize after seeing the video and thought: “Oh, right... Ai really did treat me like that. How could I have believed that she didn’t love me...” and that’s why he broke down.

Ai wasn’t the type to express affection in a cheesy or overly cutesy way. She probably wasn’t very delicate or expressive, likely even blunt at times. She also couldn’t tell a white lie to save her life.

But there must have been silent expressions of affection, and when they were in a bright mood, they probably laughed together and had a “normal” good time. And for those two, having someone they could be “normal” with must have been very special. I’m not sure if I should mention this, but they probably didn’t only sleep together once, considering how the kids were conceived. The dialogue suggests it wasn’t just once. They were very affectionate together, then (They were so young though... Goodness...Kids need better sex education in schools... I’m really worried there might be kids like this in real life. I hope everyone will be okay.)

Let’s stop here with Ai and move on to Kamiki’s side.

If we delve into the meta and even bring up mythology, the god who inspired this character is described as someone who guides souls to purity. And it makes sense. He seems genuinely kind by nature, and it actually doesn’t seem like that’s changed much.

When you look at this character’s dialogue, it’s very gentle...

And he trusts people too easily. The whole situation with Ai also happened because he took her words at face value and believed them. It seems like he can’t really imagine people doing bad things. Since he isn’t capable of such actions, he doesn’t even think of them.

Sarutahiko is said to guide people down the right path, right? So that’s the only kind of behavior he expects... He doesn’t anticipate people having malicious intent, wielding a knife, or harming others. Since he himself can’t do such things, he can’t grasp when others might lie or act with ill intent, even when he knows it’s happening.

In "Mephisto", or even ever since when this character first appeared, his words were oddly... kind. Even when the lyrics are about asking his children to come get back at him, the way he tells it is sweet, like telling a bedtime story.

I don’t think there’s even a hint of “hate” in his feelings towards Ai or his kids. It was never love-hate, it’s just “love,” pure and simple.

Looking at what’s been revealed so far, I wonder if this character is even capable of hatred. Because even towards people who anyone with a normal mindset would understandably hate, he shows no signs of that. He seems to internalize everything as his fault and suffer because of it. He’s such a gentle person. If you disregard the theories that this character might have harmed Ai, killed Yura, or committed serial murders, he’s always been really kind in his actions...

Think about it. Aqua plans to turn the things that happened to him into a film and distribute it. The content is provocative, and it’ll definitely be a hit. If it were me, I’d feel conflicted about it, wouldn’t you? It’s like reopening old wounds, right? And showing that to all of Japan? Even if I acknowledged my mistakes, I’d find it too painful.

But after seeing that screening, he comes back and asks his son in an interview if he took the role to help his mother and sister, despite of the role being a very painful one to act out. That's a question filled with consideration for the person who made the film. Something extremely generous.

Aqua has become twisted, showing a darker side, but his character still seems to speak kindly, even if he’s fallen apart.

I think Ai chose her man well. This character’s speech is so soft-spoken, and even when he believes his son is trying to kill him, he’s happy to see him and cheers him on. He praises his daughter and smiles kindly at people. He never shows intense emotions.

As a child, he always endured things alone... There’s never been a scene where he truly gets angry. When something happens, he blames himself.

Even when others treat him poorly, he thinks about what he could have done differently, believes it’s his fault, and takes responsibility. That seems to be his basic behavior pattern, and it hasn’t changed from what I can tell. He’s someone who blames himself for everything, similar to Aqua, but with a gentler personality. Very mild.

I think Ai made a good choice to love this guy.22222 There’s a mention that this character helped Ai improve her personality, right? He’s inherently really kind, gentle, and doesn’t come to blame others. Being around someone like that probably made Ai open up quickly, fall in love with him, and take action for him. Ai didn’t want to break up with him. She doesn’t say she wanted to break free because it was hard to rely on him. Instead, she wished they could have stayed together. If the situation hadn’t gotten so complicated, he would have been the right person for Ai to be with.

It doesn't seem like he would have been very obsessive. It seems likely that Nino had some connection with Ryosuke, as I suspected.

If that's the case, Kamiki might have only found out about the birth of his children when Ai called him from the public phone in episode 8. He hadn’t gone near the hospital, that could have been Nino.

If that's the case, the reaction I imagine this character would have had to Ai's phone call would go something like this:

"Hey, you know, the kids have grown up quite a bit. Would you like to meet them?"

"What? What are you talking about? Kids? Grown up? Ai, you’ve been raising kids? You gave birth to them? By yourself? How have you been all this time? Raising them? Then, I—"

"No, it’s not like I’m asking to get back together or anything."

"What?"

"Our kids are really smart, so they'll understand our situation."

"Ah... I see." (Silence) "Yeah, I want to meet them. I’ll go see them. Where should I go?"

"Yeah. The new address is—"

I feel like that’s how it would have played out... I can picture this lol. He doesn’t seem like the type to speak strongly, and he probably wouldn’t have been able to say much due to being at a loss for words. He couldn’t even hold on to Ai when they broke up; he couldn’t say anything properly.

Even when Airi really gaslighted him, he couldn’t argue back (when I watched that scene, I was like, "What the heck is she saying? Is it because she’s an actor in a morning drama? What kind of nonsense..." Although, being a movie, it’s probably dramatized. But there must be kids who experience something like this in real life. Not just 'might,' there definitely are. What a terrible world! Airi deserved divine retribution. What kind of adult acts like that;;;). That’s just his personality. Even when he was on the phone with Nino this time in ch 158, I bet he spoke very gently, maybe just saying something like, "Let’s stop this now." When Nino was with Takamine, she didn’t seem like a very strong person. In fact, she seemed more like a glass cannon, right? Yet even such a character yelled, "What do you mean by that?" to Kamiki. By now, I can’t even imagine this character speaking strongly.

After that call with Ai in the booth, he probably felt confused, troubled, sad, and disappointed, and he likely felt like crying. Wasn’t he around 19 at the time, just the legal drinking age? In the scene where he meets Ryosuke, there are what look like small liquor bottles drawn in the background; isn’t that a bar? Lol. Maybe he went to drink for the first time and didn't know what he was talking about because he didn't know his limit and drank too much.

I don’t think he would have been angry. This character doesn’t seem to get angry easily, or maybe he can’t. He probably just thought, "What is going on... Did Ai raise my children alone? Am I really that untrustworthy? Does she really not want to be with someone like me?" And so on. He likely felt sad and, as mentioned in chapter 158, felt "disappointment" that he couldn’t be with her. He doesn’t seem like someone who would resent Ai for that. If he resents anyone, it would probably be himself for being unreliable. He might think, "Because I’m like this, Ai doesn’t want to marry me..."

It seems like he would have just cried miserably. When you look at this character’s behavior, this pattern seems to fit his personality better. THIS is more like how he's reacted throughout his childhood and maybe even till his present day.

And from things like Mephisto’s lyrics, what he says in front of the kids, or even earlier when he showed up with flowers at Ai’s grave and said things like "our children," it’s clear he does have paternal love.

It’s just that he’s probably thinking of dying (please refer to my previous post on analyzing Mephisto),

But if things were normal, he would have been a kind and good father. Whenever he appears, he doesn’t miss a chance to praise his kids, showing that he probably liked them a lot... if only he had the chance to raise them.

The scene Ai imagined, where they are raising the kids together, laughing and walking side by side, is likely accurate. Since she knew him well, it’s reasonable to think that’s how things could have been.

I just think Kamiki may end up to be a really pitiful guy who really loves Ai. I’m not sure if he could have killed Yura; if he did, it might have been done in order to save Ai... It’s ambiguous. Ai left a request to help him, but can you really help someone who’s killed someone? It’s tough.

But the more this character appears and does things, the stronger the interpretation that he is like this becomes.

I sometimes worry if I’m being too kind in my interpretation,

But every time he appears, it turns out to be even more like that than I expected.

So maybe he’s even more like this than I’ve written. I keep saying this, but with this manga, if I decide to go two steps further than how I anticipated in terms of what the characters are like, it usually turns out to be about right. I got a LOT of things right so far. I feel I have a right sense of direction, the manga turns out to make the feelings even stronger than that(and that's natural, since I can't just go ahead and go berserk beyond the original portrayals)

It’s incredibly interesting!

[dozing-marshmallow]

Hi!! Love the fic that you wrote of reader visiting Chris in prison. Could you write an angsty follow-up of reader finally breaking up with him after he gets out of prison with her being fed up with his unablity to change his negative thoughts and actions.

Ouchhh! Quite angsty, indeed!

HEY EVERYONE! Sorry for my long due absence. I’m currently in the middle of exam season, so that’s been taking up majority of my time, but I can say with certainty that afterwards (in four weeks), I’ll be free to post as frequently as I did before and complete all the requests I received! Thank you all for being so patient, and I hope you enjoy part 2 of this one shot!

Content warning, this one shot involves dysfunctional relationships, so please read at own risk.

CHRIS MCLEAN IN JAIL PART 2- ANGST

“(Y/NNNNN)!” your sweet separated husband exclaims, fixing his arms around you on his return home,“It’s so great to be back again!”

“H-Hi Chris...” you cough, squeezing him back,“How do you feel?”

“Better!” he chirped, patting your spine,“You know, I actually feel like a changed person!”

“Really?” Yeah right.

He nods, pulling away, that grin of his never ageing,“Yep! I realllyyy feel like a functioning member of society, ready to amend and give back!”

Yeah right.

You never thought you would be in the back kitchen with Chef about this.

Two years after his first release.

That’s right.

With heavy bags and sore limbs, you desperately explain,“I’ve tried to convince him to see a therapist or go to marriage counselling sessions with me, but he doesn’t listen!” you wince down to the ground. That word “marriage” felt more like “Hell” to you,“I feel like he’s getting worse and worse...”

“What can you do, (Y/N)? By law, he’s a grown man. No one, not even his mom can tell him what to do.” Chef Hatchet grunted, slicing some potatoes, as though he was not surprised,“Have you considered divorce?”

Divorce!,“That’s ridiculous, Chef. You know you can’t just file a divorce whenever you want. Marriage is a lifetime commitment and I still see the man I love.”

“And it’s that he’s takin’ advantage of.” That knife went blunter this time around,“He thinks it’s okay to go about like a criminal, because he has the money and popularity to get out of it, but if you walk out on him, he’ll eventually realise what he’s lost. I’m dead serious. You keep sticking by him like this, he’ll never change.”

“Hm...” that was an interesting way of thinking, you’ll admit. Maybe it was time to start looking into divorce? But... “What if that approach just turns out for the worst? You know how he is. He’ll turn the tables and play victim, putting the blame on me for not being strong enough to support him and for breaking my promise for making my love conditional-“

Chef looks at you like the pieces were threatening to cut your fingers off,“Do you even hear yourself as you speak about him?”

You stop. 

Dang it, he had a point,“But divorce... It still feels a bit too drastic. Besides, I want to give him a chance.” you offer a strong smile.

He paused entirely in his vegetable slicing this time,“A chance?”

Oh... Yes, you’ve given him plenty of chances already. You force the smile to stay on, as convincing as you tried,“W-We’ll just see how it goes. Besides, I still really wanna make this work.”

Your husband’s so-called best friend shakes his head, leaving you with a pitiful glimmer in his eye,“You’re a good woman, (Y/N). You don’t deserve this.”

Well, you wish you listened to him sooner.

And at some point, you couldn’t take it anymore.

So one day, when you got your suitcase ready and your temporary accommodation sorted in secret, you mustered the courage to break it off.

Your heart was leaping. From what? Anxiety? Excitement? Both? You’ll never know.

It took a lot to get this far. You were going to see it through the end.

No matter how messy it will be.

Obviously when you gently touched on Chris’ behaviour as the reason why you were filing for divorce, he tried denying it,“What are you talking about? I’m a changed man! Prison’s changed me for the better!”

Oh please,“Unless it’s Opposite Day, you should not be using that word.”

You weren’t afraid and that’s what startled him,"N-Now who gave you the right to declare the end of this relationship?! Only I get to choose whether to throw you out on the street or keep you around!” he then strangely turned his head to lean the smooth skin on his cheekbone in your face,“Now give me a kiss."

You almost puke in your mouth,“I’m serious, Chris. I want nothing to do with you anymore.”

“Serious? What do you know about serious? You don’t understand anything!” he barked, slamming his fist on the table.

Your eyelids remained just halfway down,“I understand plenty.”

“No, you don’t! You don’t understand that this is a really dumb decision! We’ve had so many great memories (Y/N), you and I!” his defensive tone morphs into a tone of love,“I love you so much, more than Total Drama ratings! And you give meaning to my life, more than any show I’ve ever hosted!”

There it is. He says all these words then treats you like a broken clock. You made sure he witnessed your sight tap on the papers you laid out for him.

“You’re totally being dramatic! In the worst way possible! I literally give you the life, not even middle class peasants can dream of, and this is what you do to me!?” he was raising his voice. The sign of desperation,“How do you think I feel? Have some respect!”

Respect, huh? You scoffed, rolling the pen further to him,“Oh I’ve tried to be respectful, Chris. In fact, I would much rather live as a “middle class peasant” than live with you any longer.”

He gasps, before snarling,“You don’t mean that.”

“Yes, I do.” Chris was too arrogant to get physical with you, and you knew that. The worst he was gonna do is throw petty insults at you.

But he took a scarier approach. He wasn’t fuming or swearing or raving; a smile drew on his lips instead as he sprinkled sugar laced words in your direction.

“Awww. Don’t let your anger speak for you, darling. You know sooner or later, you’re gonna regret ending us like this. And I won’t let that happen. I won’t let you regret losing me. Losing us,” now he has your waist in his arm,“Come on sweetheart, talk to me. I know you just need someone to listen.”

Listen. Is that a fucking joke?

Adoration emitted from his eyes into yours,“We can talk about this. We can talk and exchange forgiveness like we always do. Because we love each other. We’ll come around to see eye to eye and I’ll forgive you for being so annoying.” His other hand begins to comb your hair,“We can forget this ever happened and I’ll even treat you to an awesome date night. I know you really love those, and I would be more than happy to give it to you, as your beloved husband.”

...The thought was tempting.

TAKE YOUR FILTHY HAND OFF ME.

But that was a lot more motivating.

“Nice try. Your empty promises won’t work on me this time.” you push him away. That’s it. You’re strong, you’re strong, you’re strong!,“I don’t need your money. Or your time. I can do fine on my own.”

He stopped running his hand in your hair. Oh, the pride you felt when you watched his bottom lip quiver! You could watch the scene over and over again.

Your instinct to smirk is quickly cowered when Chris shoves you away, thankfully not so forceful to make you lose balance completely as he huffed, that charming persona displaced by his true ugly.

“You want your stupid divorce? Fine!” He angrily scratches the papers with his signature,“There’s your stupid divorce! Now get out of my sight before I change my mind! Only a stupid whore like you would go through with making the awesomest celebrity in the world give up on you! You better not come crawling back after selling your body around for six dollars!”

Wow! Who knew he would resort to sexualising you in such a derogatory way to try get a reaction from you? “No... That’s not true! You know I would never do that! I’m more than just my body!”

“I’ll take the six dollars over you any day.” Hah! Who cares what he had to say? He’s not your husband anymore!

He gritted his teeth as he witnessed you leave his mansion one last time,“You’re ruined, you hear me!? I’ll make sure you lose your job and never find one again!” That’s not true. That’s not true,“I’ll see to it that you live on animal carcasses disposed by yours truly for the rest of your moping days, in conditions more suffocating than maximum prison!”

Such is the behaviour of a scumbag who lost control.

That was the right thing.

Thank Heavens you had your loyal friends and your own ethical job. If any of these things were different, even by a tiny bit, you probably would have still been stuck with Chris McLean. Chained. Trapped. Miserable.

This was the right thing.

You don’t want to think about what could have happened. The important thing was, you got out of it, and he wasn’t your problem anymore. Yet a part of you felt so dissatisfied with how the whole ordeal went. I thought I would feel more different... Why do I still feel something missing? Is this actually the end of our life together?

And your mind, learning from the worst, continued the cycle of torment. Was that really the best way to end things? Why didn’t you leave sooner? Was it really the right choice? Why did you waste so much with him? Were you still in love with him? Is it really too late to start over with love again? Did you really make the worst choice yet by leaving him?

You take a deep breath, and stare back into the eyes of the solitary woman, whose worth was still blinded by the thorns of that demon.

Her brain is pounding from the silence. This might take some getting used to.

You turn the tap on and sigh. For now, you’ll take a nice long shower.

[the-cookie-of-doom]

My entire day is just. Studying child development. And I don't like it (it's complicated) but it's making me really want to write a kid!fic?

Look, watching that one episode of Ingredients Did Something To Me, okay??

After some youthful indiscretions when he's a teenager, Kim get's a girl pregnant. Korn finds out and makes the problem go away. Kim might not find out at all, until years later, when the girl - now a woman - presents him with a toddler and tells him it's his. And Kim is shocked to hell, but if nothing else, he's loyal to his family, and holy shit this child is his family.

Or maybe Korn deals with the problem in a different way. He's not averse to raising bodyguards, Kim says as much himself. He could easily take care of the mother (either paying her off, attic-wifing her, or killing her), with the intention of raising his grandson to be the next heir after Kinn. He knows the chances of getting a child out of Kinn are slim to none. Now he won't have to worry about that. He has a grandchild that he can raise in his own image, in secret.

This is going to get long so I'm going to continue under a cut

However it happens, Kim eventually finds out, and like hell he's going to let anyone keep him from his child. It will take him a while to get used to the idea, to lean into fatherhood, but he's not going to let his own father raise his child to be a killer. Kim sees a chance to break his generational trauma and he takes it with both hands and runs.

Kim has no idea how to be a father. He didn't have a good role model. He know show he's raised, and he knows he won't be the same, so he just. Tries to do the opposite of whatever he went through as a kid. (He's probably the overly-permissive type, but that won't be a problem until later.)

Kim also doesn't have time to be a father. He's in his last year of university, he has a career to manage. Korn of course offers to help - with Kinn running the family now, he can play the part of doting grandpa, but Kim refuses. Hires a nanny (maybe the one that took care of him as a child, the only one he trusts with his own) to help him figure this all out.

The official story, as far as WiK goes, to protect his clean image, is that the toddler is his baby brother. WiK is seen as the sweet, doting older brother when they're seen in public together (which he tries to make sure isn't often, but he's not going to raise his kid in a box, fuck that). It melts the hearts of all his fans, and no one knows he was a teen parent, a terrible role model, someone to scorn.

At some point in their interactions, Kim lets it slip that he has two brothers, and Chay is confused. He knows about the toddler, but Kim mentioned two older brothers? So doesn't that mean he has three?

Eventually Kim introduces Chay to his kid, and Chay isn't stupid. He was raised by his own brother, he knows what that looks like, and it's not what he sees now. His suspicions are confirmed the first time Kim lets him into his apartment. He tries to hide all of the baby things, but Chay snoops a little bit. Finds a child's room behind a door that should have been locked. He confronts Kim, very gently, with the truth. He doesn't judge. He sad that Kim feels the need to hide, even from him, but he understands.

He also thinks the image of Kim with his son is so much cuter than the idea of him with a baby brother.

Kim lets himself be a little reckless, lets Chay spend more time with him and his son, and it hurts how easily Chay takes to him. Like they're a little family of their own. But it's not real.

The first time Kim lets - no, specifically asks - Chay to babysit, because he has no one else, his nanny is sick, and there's no one else he trusts with his son (which is a shock for both of them on it's own), leads to a dramatic shift in their relationship. Kim can't keep pretending this is just a friendship of convenience. He trusts Chay, maybe more than he should, but he can't deny it.

It's going to make the breakup so much harder, because his son is old enough to love Chay, to miss him, to ask where he is when he stops coming over, and Kim doesn't have a good enough answer. Is barely holding himself together, without the added pain of consoling his heartbroken child, crying for Chay to come home while Kim has to keep himself from doing the same.

TBH, the kid is probably how they reconcile. Next time SomethingTM happens and Kim doesn't have anyone to watch him, his first instinct is to call Chay. But he's not allowed to do that anymore. So he drops the boy off with Uncle Tankhun (and is barely able to make him leave that horrible house with his child inside, but Khun is fierce, he'll protect him) and at some point Chay comes to see Khun, and finds him playing with the kid who missed Chay so much, and he knows he should leave, but when he tries the kid cries until he throws up (it's gross, but it's also sweet, but it's also so, so heartbreaking) and Chay just. Can't. Kim might hate him for it, but he can't break that little baby's heart all over again.

After, both Tankhun and the kid demand regular visits. (Khun knows exactly what he's doing. Yeah he loves his nephew, the kid is in that excited dress-up stage and lets Khun treat him like a little doll, but he also thinks Kim is an idiot and needs to start talking to Chay again, and if this is what happens, then so be it).

Little kiddo excited tells Chay about anything and everything, and then does the same to Kim, telling him about his day, all the fun things he did with Uncle Khun and Uncle Chay, and. It hurts. Kim was not at all prepared for how much it hurts.

It continues this way for a while, with the kid an unintentional carrier pigeon between Kim and Chay, sharing aspects of their lives to each other. They never cross paths because Chay always makes sure he's not there when Kim drops him off or picks him up.

Until one day he is. Kim was late (his latest mission was particularly bloody, he had to take extra time to get himself cleaned up and put back together, he won't let his son be exposed to this part of his life) and his son is inconsolable. Chay is trying his best. Just got him to sleep in his lap when Kim finally drags himself, looking fierce until his eyes fall on his son in the arms of the man he loves, and he softens, and Chay sees it, and. They really need to talk.

But kiddo is still sleeping, and Kim doesn't want to wake him up just yet, so he just. Sits down. Looking at him because he can't look at Chay, and Chay tells him how worried kiddo was (doesn't say how worried he was, too), and how he's been fussy all night. Kim lets it slip how much kiddo missed Chay/looks forward to seeing him now (doesn't say how much he missed Chay, and always hopes for a glimpse of him, always disappointed when he isn't there)

They have a lot to work through, but it's impossible to fight with the kiddo sleeping in Chay's lap, so they're forced to be adults about it. Talking quietly, with Kim admitting to things he never thought he'd be able to say out loud. Does say how much he missed Chay, and how he never should have left Chay alone, and how he never should have let Chay think he never loved him, because he did, so much he saw a future with Chay that scared him, and he ran, because he couldn't bear it if Chay left him first, better to break his own heart

Chay forgives him. They don't get together immediately because forgiveness isn't the same as acceptance, and they still have things they need to work through. But he stops avoiding Kim, and sometimes Kim calls him instead of Khun when he needs an impromptu baby sitter, and slowly, that little family that Kim never let himself dream about starts to take form in front of his eyes, and he wonders how he could have ever let himself run away from this.

[inkbybambi]

dbf!joel miller when the fallout arrives —

words: 1k rating: there are allusions to smut but nothing explicit. however, my blog is 18+ so minors please dni. warnings: hurt/no comfort, angst, no happy ending, brief mentions of smut, picking cuticles and biting nails. if i miss anything, please let me know! notes: sorry in advance.

the fallout had been nothing less than catastrophic.

your father — you've never seen him so blind with rage, before. spewing vitriol and venom, mainly towards joel. it's unfair, you want to cry, you were part of it too. joel tried to be reasonable and rational at the beginning and you — you kissed him anyway.

you can't blame him, not really. some part of you knew it was always going to end like this.

it's been weeks since you've spoken with either of them. maybe a month, maybe a little more. you don't want to know, and you're not keeping track. time blurs together when you're barely making it one moment to the next.

joel hasn't reached out. you can’t blame him, either, but you can't deny that it hurts.

you thought that he might’ve fought back, stood his ground about your relationship. telling your father how much the relationship meant to him, how much you meant to him. anything that made it seem like he was doing something, anything he could to keep you.

you thought wrong, apparently.

the truth fucking hurts.

it's hard to eat, hard to sleep. you keep worrying about him. is he able to sleep okay? is he reading over your messages, wanting to type an olive branch out, remembering everything he said to you? is it eating him up at fucking all?

did it even mean anything to him?

"hey."

your father, surprisingly, was the one to reach out first. far too long after the entire ordeal happened. it makes your heart ache at the thought that it's been that long. that he's been able to — somewhat — come to terms with it and he's willing to talk. he offered to have you over one evening after work. not for dinner or anything, just to talk.

you should take what you can get, you suppose.

there isn't anything left for you to lose.

his voice is rough as you sit across from him at the table. you can't find the courage to say anything back.

the silence stretches.

you pick at your cuticles, blood seeping into the open wounds when you pull back your skin too far.

"he hasn't talked to me," you offer, chancing a look at him, after a few moments of silence that hang too heavy, a weight ready to drop and crush whatever is beneath it. "since..." you trail off, swallowing hard as you beg yourself to not cry. "i haven't... haven't tried, either."

your father nods, fingers tapping on the wood. if he's even a little bit happy about that, he doesn't show.

"it's better this way," you continue, voice weaker, unsure who you're trying to convince.

you bite at your nail. it's a nasty habit you've never been able to break.

"he'll find someone — " you inhale hard, let it out shaky. you don't want to think of him with someone else, someone who's not you. you don't want to think of him kissing someone else, holding them at night like he'll protect them from everything, whisper the sweetest promises in their ear while he takes them apart piece by piece with his mouth and fingers and —

"someone better," you manage to finish, if not a little pained.

you should've kissed him more. lingered in his arms a little longer in the mornings, in the evenings after he cleaned you up from the mess between your legs. you wish you had burned the memory of his smile into your veins — into your blood, into the smallest pieces of yourself that mattered — the one reserved for you, lighting you up like fire, keeping you warm in the unbearable moments you weren't with him.

all that's left is ash.

your father still says nothing. still won't look at you.

"it wasn't him." your father needs to understand. when you thought of the fallout — and you thought it inevitable, as it was — you never thought joel would lose everything too.

you don't know why you didn't think that. your father is understanding, but not that understanding.

you don't know why you're trying to defend joel, either. he doesn't seem to have tried the same, and he sure as shit didn't try when everything was being doused in kerosene and left to ignite.

"do you want him to find someone else?" you don't know why he asks, and you don't want to answer.

a bit of your nail came loose when you were biting it, and now you pick at it, tearing it off. destroying yourself in these small manners so there's less of you left to drag home when it's all over. glass lines your throat, making it hard to swallow, harder to breathe.

"it doesn't matter," you answer, and now he is looking at you, eyes dark and unforgiving. your heart shatters at the thought, but you never were particularly good at letting things go, letting them leave.

"no," he agrees, and it grates like broken steel, palm flat on the table as he leans back, monitoring your every movement. "it doesn't."

"i'm sorry," you offer, weak. tears burn your eyes, and you dig your fingers into your palms, biting at the skin, trying to focus the pain on anything other than your heart.

it beats, uncomfortable and heavy like lead, as it has for the past few weeks, as you fear it will until you die.

"you wouldn't have done it in the first place if you were," he bites out.

you bite the inside of your cheek, eyes closing as the tears begin to fall. he pushes back from the table — you hear the scrape of his chair. you sniffle, trying to hold back the sob that wants to break free.

you should say something — cry, beg, something to make him understand. you can't. your voice is locked, stuck in your throat as you fight to keep breathing.

your father wants to say something too, you can feel it.

but he never does, and he leaves you in the kitchen with a single light on, leaving you to the silence of blood thrumming uncomfortably in your veins and your heart beating like it's going to stop.

[priniya]

GUITARIST !

summary: when reader’s band plays an important concert, oikawa tells his girlfriend that there’s no chance he could get back to japan, but the truth is that there’s no thing that could stop tooru from being with his significant other in the day as important as her concert.

notes: oikawa tooru x guitarist!reader, fem!reader, long distance established relationship, also oikawa being a shitty boyfriend. good friend!iwaizumi. mentions of drinking, swear words, frustrated hajime. not proofread kinda angsty also, hurt/comfort

you’ve known that for oikawa, his career would be always on the first place, his significant other following right after. and saying that you were completely fine with the situation would be… a small exaggeration. you couldn’t argue with that, you never could, so you pretended like being paid less attention to that practices wasn’t such a big deal everyone was telling you. but a part of you were incredibly hurt when your boyfriend of five years told you it was impossible to bail a few practices to be there at your concert in tokyo.

your small band was supposed to be a support, and a starter for a bigger one from the united kingdom. organizing the whole thing was way more of a challenge than you anticipated, since you were some sort of leader you had to do it on your own. contacting the other band, which wasn't the hardest part as you already knew the members, then the organizators, the management, the place where the event was supposed to happen at. if it wasn’t for iwaizumi who kept you on track with people you already called to, you wouldn’t be sane.

and because you’ve been working under heavy pressure, you got distant from your boyfriend, not answering his calls nor texts, replying with short sentences, but you were too busy to catch a breath or eat a proper meal instead of an instant ramen during breaks at studio. and well, oikawa got worried when the only source of information was hajime, not you.

one evening, when your bandmates and friends decided on taking a break and going out to celebrate such a big success of your work, you drank a little too much, that’s what hajime told you the following day. he drove you to his place, when your legs got too wobbly to function due to how much alcohol you pour in your mouth. he would sit you on the couch in his living room, and as if it was for the soft fabric of the furniture, you burst out crying.

“i hate it.” you let out quietly, your face hidden in the crock of iwaizumi’s neck. “i know he’s- he’s happy there, but i want him back. can’t he be a volleyball player here? like everyone else?” your sobs made your friend’s heart tear into pieces, his hand caressing your back gently to calm you. “throughout the entire three years he’s been there i’ve seen him twice, twice, haji. i miss him being here, he missed almost everything! my graduation, the party when i got accepted to the university of my dreams, his nephew’s first important game. and he won’t be able to see me on that stupid stadium.”

when oikawa left to argentina, you’ve already been in a long distance relationship, but because of you. you were granted an exchange to one of the best high schools with music programme in the uk. you couldn’t deny an offer like that, but it made you bit goodbyes with tooru almost a year earlier than you expected. since then, you saw him twice, one on your twenty birthday, and the second time on christmas next year.

it was exhausting. and when he told you, he wouldn’t make it to your show, you felt ruined. it was the only thing you’d pray for — for him to see you on a stage, opening a concert so important for you, your friends and bandmates. you never told him how you felt, never brought the topic again yourself, like your band never existed. it seemed too painful to speak about it out loud.

iwaizumi didn’t even bother trying to explain his other best friend. there were no words that could do such a thing. even though oikawa tooru has been his friend for longer, you were the one on the verge of breaking down whenever his topic was brought up, and hajime had to have a one on one with his friend.

so when you finally passed out from exhaustion and probably dehydration since you shredded so many tears that you could’ve filled up at least three huge bathtubs, the man covered up with a blanket and called oikawa, who already bombarded your phone with his calls.

“you’re so dead shittykawa.” he began, almost being interrupted by a confused what? coming from the other side of the phone. “i have your girlfriend sleeping on my sofa after a half an hour of crying, because her boyfriend seems like he doesn’t care about anything but his sport career, when for example hinata or ushiwaka are in japan every two or three months.

yet your girlfriend still thinks it’s okay to be treated like that, saying that’s what she signed up for five years ago. no, don’t even start on her becoming distant. she works her ass off trying to make you feel proud even though you won’t even see her perform in real life, you won’t be a part of her fucking dream just because volleyball is more important than your own fucking girlfriend.” he was furious, spitting out words, he would probably regret if he didn’t see how much in pain his best friend was.

“she doesn’t talk to me, iwa. what am i supposed to do? she doesn’t even answer my calls or texts. i wish i was there with you all, but volleyball is equally important to me, you know it. don’t make me the bad one.” oikawa sighed, rubbing his face with his hand.

“i know your career is significant, and i’m happy you’re chasing your dreams or some shit, but i’ve had enough of seeing your girlfriend, who you says you love endlessly, cry her tears out because you can’t get a few more days off and fly here. i don’t care what you’re gonna do, but i want to see you in two weeks at the airport or, you believe me, i’ll be the one who’s gonna convince y/n to dump your ass and find somebody who won’t neglect her.”

“hajime, i already have the tickets.” oikawa sighed, revealing the surprise for you. “i wanted to surprise her, i know i’ve been a shitty boyfriend and i wanted to see her, see all of you.”

“i don’t regret anything i said.” iwaizumi confessed, getting back inside. “if you let her down like that again, i’ll be the first one to suggest the idea of breaking up with you.” he claimed, and before tooru could add anything, he just hung up, taking a seat next to you.

the next two weeks were the most stressful ones for you, throughout your entire musician career. you, semi, konoha and hanako, a friend of yours, had barely left the studio you were rehearsing in. matsun and makki, your roommates, got even more worried when you became lifeless like a ghost.

at the final rehearsal before the show started, you weren’t even paying attention to the people that stand next to the stage, excitement took over you (especially when you finally slept enough hours and ate a proper meal), but then you caught eye contact with someone, and you felt like you were hallucinating. you immediately jumped off the stage, running towards the boy who just stood there smiling at you with the smile that never failed to make your knees weak.

“you’re here.” you spoke out, not believing your eyes. “you came.” you added softly. and then you took a swung at him, punching him in the chest, making your boyfriend grimace in pain, while the rest of your band laughed. “don’t think i forgave you for coming here once a year and a half. but i’m happy you’re here.”

when the show started your eyes were fixated on your boyfriend who stood at the front with all of your friends, matsun, makki, and iwaizumi, vibing and swinging their bodies to the tunes of your songs. oikawa locked eyes with you, grinning as wide as he could, thanking god he could see you there, on such a big stage in a place like this.

first person you saw after getting to the backstage was your boyfriend with a bouquet of your favorite flowers, and a smile plastered on his lips. “you were amazing, with every second i’ve felt more and more enchanted. god, i love you so much.”

you pulled him into a kiss by the cotton of his collar, the first one you had since last year. you almost forgot how his touch worked on you. “i love you. i love you so much.” you mumbled into his lips before pulling away. “please, don’t leave me for so long anymore.”

“i won’t, baby. i can guarantee you that.”