#I didn’t really consider the interpretation of the word selfish could be different between multiple people when I wrote the stuff down

[coldmorte]

So i have some unpopular opinions; i feel like Dutch doesnt sleep around as much as people would like to think. He probably likes the fact that people think that of him, even if its not his style. Also...i dont think Dutch and Molly have any chemistry.

Howdy! (ASK 1 OF 2)

I apologize it took me some time to actually reply to this, especially because it is such a great ask! I definitely agree with both points made here, but I was debating how I wanted to write a response (and how far to take it).

Anyway, I'm open to hearing unpopular opinions! I know I have plenty of my own, so I'm not really one to judge others (as long as there is mutual respect) ☺️

My response is fairly long, and it deals with some sensitive topics. I decided to add a cut to this first ask, just to be safe! 💜💜💜

(Warning: SPOILERS below)

In regard to Dutch sleeping around, there are a few reasons why I don’t think he does it as much as it is often implied/assumed (I’m primarily limiting this to the timeframe of RDR2, Ch. 1-6).

First of all, Molly explicitly says Dutch doesn’t show her a lot of physical attention, even though he is her SO. If he’s not sleeping with her much, I doubt that he is going around with any other women at this time. He seldom leaves camp, outside of doing missions, so it is unlikely that he would meet up with anybody not in the gang. It just doesn’t seem plausible to me, as it would put him in a vulnerable position.

Dutch complains multiple times - including to Molly - that he is under stress and concerned about the Pinkertons closing in on them. Why would he go around outside the camp sleeping with random women? It would put him at the risk of being seen or reported on, and I believe he is smarter than to take on the unnecessary danger. Generally, he doesn’t spend much time in civilized areas, unless he needs to.

Not to mention, stress can be a real inhibitor of sex drive. For the entirety of the game, Dutch exhibits various degrees of anxiety and depression. I believe the gang and his personal safety were of much more concern to him, thus diminishing his interest in sex.

Speaking of the gang, I don’t personally see Dutch as sleeping around with the women in it that much. He did have a relationship with Susan in the past. Whether anything was still going on between them or not is uncertain, but if there was something, it probably was not serious or very frequent. In RDR1, he also suggests that he slept with Abigail, but if this happened, I doubt it would have occurred during the events of RDR2. They hardly ever interacted, and when Abigail did talk about Dutch, it was almost always in a negative manner. Dutch also showed some interest in Mary-Beth. However, I don’t think it went beyond flirting. She didn’t show much interest in him, and I think word would have gotten around if he tried to force anything, especially to Arthur (I am not going to discuss the events of RDR1 in any more detail here because that is a whole different conversation). But other than them, who else in the gang? There were not enough interactions with other women to suggest there was anything between them and Dutch.

Also, sex was considerably more risky in 1899 than it is today, and the means of contraception were not as dependable. For instance, The Pill didn’t go onto the market for another 60 years, and it was more difficult to get ahold of other birth control methods. This was partly because there were not as many technological advancements in this field and because there were a few laws that prevented reliable access to contraceptives (ex: The Comstock Laws). Condoms were arguably one of the easier birth control methods to find, but they still were not as widely available then as they are today (the quality was arguably not as good either). As I understand it, some searching was generally required to get ahold of condoms (usually in more civilized areas, which Dutch tried to avoid).

Dutch is a very contradictory character. My point in bringing up birth control is because although on some level I think Dutch probably would have liked to have actual children, I do not think he was serious enough about it to take any risks that might have led to an unwanted pregnancy during the timeframe of RDR2. As I mentioned, he was under a lot of stress with the gang. A biological child on top of that most likely would have overwhelmed him, and it would have required a long-term commitment to not only the child, but to the mother as well. I believe Dutch was smart enough to recognize this danger, and since birth control methods were not as widely available or reliable, he would not have wanted to sleep around too much (unwanted pregnancies were relatively common during this era).

I’ve written in the past that I believe Dutch had a certain degree of self-consciousness underneath his pride, so I do agree that he probably would have liked people finding him attractive or seductive. These traits emanate a sense of power and confidence, which would have provided a more favorable presentation of himself to others. These perceptions certainly would have helped to conceal his own self-doubts and insecurities, so he would have welcomed them, rather than try to refute them.

Now, in regard to the chemistry between Dutch and Molly, I agree. I think it was a pretty bad relationship all around. I don’t see its flaws as being entirely one-sided.

I will get into this a little more on the next ask, but I will discuss a few things here first.

Starting with Dutch, I will admit that he could have treated Molly a lot better. Even if he wasn’t happy with her or the status of their relationship, he should have seriously talked to her more. She deserved that, at the very minimum. There were a few instances where she tried to get his attention, and he just brushed her off. Again, like I said, even if he wasn’t very keen on the relationship anymore, he should have at least been honest about that. Then, as I already discussed, he had some mildly flirtatious conversations with Mary-Beth. I certainly do not think this helped matters. It was rude the way he insulted Molly for bringing up his interactions with Mary-Beth and how he pretended he had no idea what Molly was talking about.

Onto Molly, I don’t think she was perfect either. I know Dutch didn’t talk with her nearly as much as he should have, but she didn’t seem to show a whole lot of support for him in return. Dutch expressed that he was feeling stressed and not up to much physical activity, to which she got quite upset. She seemed to turn some arguments towards herself and her needs, with little regard for Dutch’s wellbeing. I do think she was selfish for demanding him to give her something he did not want to give/could not provide. Also, she refused to help the gang find leads or assist with chores, even when told to do so by others (ex: Dutch and Arthur). She tended to act above everybody else, claiming she wasn’t a servant to the needs of the gang as a whole. Though I can respect her sense of independence in that regard, it did show a sense of entitlement. Even Dutch donated to the gang funds, and as the leader, he was the one responsible for overseeing the vast majority of missions they engaged in. Molly was the only person who really did not contribute much. (Side note: Even UNCLE - the laziest bastard in the West - helped with leads and contributions!!)

I will get into this more in the following ask, but although I know she loved Dutch to an extent, I think part of her fascination with him was rooted in infatuation. Little is known about her background, but it is canon that she came from a wealthy and influential family in Ireland. I think part of the reason why she liked Dutch so much was because of the powerful position he held. She frequently lashed out at people who she perceived as challenging the reality of her “love” for him, such as Abigail and Karen. In one instance, Molly even went so far as to slap Karen across the face because she thought Karen was talking negatively about her. There was no evidence to prove or disprove Molly’s beliefs, but it did show that she was pretty sensitive about criticism (whether it was perceived or real) in regard to her relationship with Dutch.

Now, Dutch was wrong to use Molly’s fascination with him and his role in the gang to seduce her. But like I said, both of them had their issues. It was just a bad situation from both sides, and I do not think it should have happened in the first place. I don’t necessarily blame one more than the other. To be honest, I think they each deserved someone who fit them better.

And if I am being even MORE honest, I think Dutch should have stayed with Susan. She loved him, and he made a big mistake in ever giving her up. I believe the events of RDR2 would have turned out very differently, had he kept her closer.

(Ending note: Outside of serious posts - like this one - I know I make quite a few jokes about Dutch on my blog in regard to sexuality, but I do not mean for much of what I say in that regard to be taken *too* seriously. I don’t particularly want to discuss my personal life in the text of this post, but I will say that even if Dutch was a person I knew in real life, I’m not sure I would seriously want anything to happen between us. However, that is another matter entirely that has nothing whatsoever to do with him. I absolutely LOVE his character to death, and my blog will remain dedicated to his role in the RDR story for as long as I am around! That is all that should matter!!!)

Also, it is perfectly fine and normal to separate fiction from reality! It is okay to alter interpretations of Dutch (and/or Molly) for the sake of artistic expression, as long as the reasons can be justified. Furthermore, it is fine to disagree with me!!

I just hope this response gave you a thing or two to consider. Thank you again for sending your message in!! 💜💜💜

[shoezuki]

This is a post on the cheating accusations around dream mostly surrounding his response video.

If you don’t want to see this or any of these posts then blacklist the tag #discourse

SO I’ve been doing a lot of digging into what dream has said in his response to Geosquare’s original video and report, which was compiled and conducted by the Minecraft Java mods on speedrun.com. 

I won’t talk about that original report in detail, but basically: the mods came to the conclusion that Dream had a 1 in 7.5 trillion chance of getting the pearl bartering rates and the blaze drop odds that he did within the 6 streams he did. As in, someone would need that luck to replicate what dream got. Therefore, he cheated. 

I’m going to put this into a sort of ‘point form’ in according to topic, attempting to put it in chronological order.

Dream’s Initial Tweets

Ok so first like. these are bad. these tweets are what he said (on twitter, excluding in the speedrunning discord) directly after the video was Uploaded to Geo’s channel. 

worth noting he did apologize later, although i wanted to talk about these two instances so i felt the need to include it. 

there’s a lot of interesting wording in the apology tweet itself too. I personally find that when he apologizes he tends to still be very subtextually angry in them with the tone, but more specifically. where he says ‘although i have reason to be upset’, that’s kinda weak and really unneeded. Alongside the ‘intense criticism’, it reads as him trying to say he’s still in the right. kind of like “im sorry i was rude even though I had reason to be rude’. Its an apology sure but he’s not saying sorry for how he really reacted; its justified to him.

Dream’s Response Video

Dream posted a response on his side channel DreamXD on the 22nd, along with the report he had a supposed astrophysicist conduct. I’m going to talk about the report separately from the video for reasons I’ll explain. 

Frankly, the video doesn’t really summarize or explain the report in a meaningful way. At most, it takes some points from it but tends to twist the numbers around, misunderstand the probability and math, and also what the report itself concludes. 

Essentially, dream’s video insists that the numbers found by the mods are wrong and therefore he didn’t cheat at all, yet the report concludes that the numbers found by the mods weren’t entirely accurate, however they’re still extremely unlikely. This is also all under the assumption that the report is entirely correct (ill say how its not next)

His first point is that only his 1.16 run (that was at 5th place two months ago, would have now been 16th) was deemed cheated. This is true; the mods have said that he isnt banned outright and theres no reason to question the legitimacy of his 1.15 runs. 

He also concludes that Geo’s statement that Dream didn’t cooperate with them, and that he deleted 1.16 mod folders, was false. This one is a little more complicated. It could more be chalked up to a miscommunication, although it’s relevant. Geosquare posted screenshots of the specific conversation they had:

Essentially it wasn’t entirely clear, i can understand how geo and the mods interpreted it in such a way. Altho April added in a quote retweet thread that dream didn’t supply the folder she asked for, so he didn’t supply everything they asked for like he states in the video

Essentially: yeah, misleading and weird on both ends. I dont think this is really anything quantifiable, although dream talked about this in the video heavily. 

Out of this though, Geo DID correct himself in the description of the mods’ video. Dream shows this in his own response, but it crops out some of what geo says. here’s from dream’s video

that Update 2 is where he corrects himself. literally why the fuck would you crop it like this and put it in the video i mean this looks so weird and genuinely doesnt provide anything. Here’s what geo actually said

Dream specifically cut it before the line where geo mentions how he said he deleted his specific 1.16 speedrun profile. This one is just so dumb to me. I’d say ‘why not include that’ but either i feel its a) so there’s no potential for people to say what he had actually said could be interpreted otherwise easily or b) doesnt want people to know he got so upset he deleted files (ego wise yknow). Again, I dont think this is definitive of anything but god. it feels scummy lmao

The Video: Incorrect Representation of His Own Report

Dream straight up doesnt present the report’s numbers properly. In fact it makes the entirety of his visuals forfeit, i.e. the gold block analogy that goes on for like 20 minutes. 

The mods said his luck was 1/7.5 trillion. Dream’s report says its 1/10 million (with the addition of 5 other streams) or 1/100 million (only the 6 streams).

I’ll only consider the 1/10 mil odds, since its all dream really brings up. but Basically; there’s not much difference between 1/10 million and 1/7.5 trillion. 

Dream says that the difference is 7.5 trillion minus 10 million, aka 7.4999 trillion. This is what his entire visual with the gold blocks is based on. This is absolutely incorrect, i cant stress that enough. 

You can’t find the difference of fractions by subtracting only the denominators. Like. this is elementary school math. it just doesnt work. 

It’d actually be calculated as: (1/10 000 000) - (1/7 500 000 000 000) = (74999/7 500 000 000 000)

If the mods are wrong, they’re only wrong by 749999/7.5 trillion. that’s literally only  0.000000099999866666667. 

Dream no doubt saw the numbers, considered 10 million vs. 7.5 trillion, and used these big numbers to hold his own point. PROBABILITY DOESNT WORK LIKE THAT. I really think he was just taking advantage of the seemingly big numbers here and wrote it out in a way that favoured him. The gold block analogy in the video played throughout the entire video practically, jokes were made on it, and he made a point of it being ‘so big the game crashed’. 

It’s just plain wrong. even so a difference in the odds doesnt prove shit. He’s downplaying his own odds that he found too. 1/10 million isnt a small number. Even though the legitimacy of that calculation is in question, it is still significant enough to proclaim he cheated. 

Some quick points before I move onto the report; these aren’t as significant in my eyes but it adds to the picture

there’s been criticism of his joking manor throughout the entire video, very specifically the Bill Nye joke. Considering he doesnt actually have a name to provide for his astrophysicist, this joke doesnt feel right

the mod he had a voice clip from (willz) even believes that he cheated and has agreed with the mod team the whole time. 

Dream never has a name for the mod who is apparently on his side (more understandable), the minecraft developer he quoted, or the astrophysicist (most damning)

Dream states that fabric is used by most speedrunners which is true, but fabric and fabric API are different; dream also had the latter installed. my knowledge of how theyre different is limited, all i really know is the API is what can enable editing of the code while fabric is more a modloader. im not entirely sure on this

Dream has said at the end of the video that all funds will go to the mod team so they can make a client that will regulate cheaters. this has been noted as feeling manipulative or like a ‘bribe’, but it definitely puts the mods in a bad position. 

either they accept it and look like they ‘gave in’ to dream and therefore acknowledge him in the right

they deny it and look selfish/taking dream’s kindness for granted

geo said they would insist it goes to a charity instead

Dream constantly disregards the mods as young, inexperienced, ‘just volunteers’ etcetcetc, despite the fact that theyre analysis has been discussed by people with confirmed PhDs without much criticism

Dream’s Report

The report itself is extremely interesting, in that it’s very questionable, but even so it doesn’t come to the conclusion that dream didn’t cheat. The tone between the video and the report is drastically different. 

This is from the “3. What are the goals of this document?” section:

It essentially says this isnt intended, from the very beginning, to completely exonerate dream of cheating. Also note that the author says the mods’ report was mostly correct. 

This is at the end of “9 Conclussions”:

It does notably say cheating isnt the only explanation, but it doesnt actually go as far to say that it’s not possible that he cheated. 

But this can be argued to not matter if we consider the validity of the report as a whole

Dream’s Report: Criticisms

Possibly the first and most known debunking of the report is by u/mfb on reddit, although there’s been much more such as this programmer criticizing the code provided at the end of the report (partially due to how the author of it stated that piglins barter 4-7 pearls, which is incorrect: it’s 4-8), Andrew Gelman, an actual statistician professor from harvard, commented on the original mods’ report as ‘impressive’ while Dream’s report is being regarded as something funny in the comments, and even analysis of dream’s behaviours and his argument by a law student

But what u/mfb posted is what i’ll focus on. Some background into the user; he’s a particle physicist, is moderator in subreddits like r/cosmology and r/astrophysics, he’s regarded as a reliable source on r/askscience and r/askreddit. Basically, multiple other people have vouched for him and before all this he had many posts in these fields. 

that’s already better than the unnamed astrophysicist. 

The post is better speaking for itself but here is a few exerpts from it;

Essentially, the report’s methods are debunked by u/mfb-, alongside that a moderator of r/statistics regarded the report as ‘nonsensical in its application of statistics’ and linked to u/mfb-’s comment. 

i’m going to end this here. Partially because severe backpain or whatever,.

but I want to say at this point its practically definitive that dream cheated, that he lied to us, and that he continues to do so. Much more could be said on his video such as his tone, intentions, the overt emphasis on the ‘biases’ of the mods. 

I havent even mentioned that the ‘astrophysicist’ themself may be a scam; they are sourced from a website that is extremely sketchy, has no names attached to it, and was created less than a year ago (with practically no traffic on it until maybe a month ago). 

But i hope this is coherent. I have interest in this so if theres questions im always open. 

[joestarsecrettecnique]

I am so very sick and tired of the toxicity that’s been poisoning the snk fandom as of the last couple years. I gave myself time to digest the ending and my feelings on it, before embarking in a journey to debunk many misconceptions and critiques I’ve seen floating in the fandom.

By the way, by no means I think this ending is perfect. I think this is textbook execution by Isayama to tie together every loose end left behind in an orderly manner, and I think that it was a bit rushed and oversimplified. I would’ve wanted more of Eren and Armin’s conversation, more of the squad realizing what his true goal had been, and some narrative choices I don’t 100% agree with. But still, what I saw in other fans’ critiques post 139 frankly appalled me, so I feel the need to make this. Also, this obviously are my own interpretations, I am not Isayama himself lol

“Ew, so Eren did pull a Lelouch after all”

No, Eren did not pull a Lelouch. While his action and the final result may seem similar, I find very different nuances between the two. Lelouch wanted for the whole world to be united in fighting against him, and thus he made himself the world’s greatest enemy. His will to turn himself into a monster was selfless. Eren didn’t give a damn about the world, he had no noble intentions whatsoever. He said it in chapter 122, his goal was to protect Paradis and, more specifically, his closest friends. He turned himself into a monster, killed 80% of human population, and endangered the lives of those very friends he wanted to protect, so that by stopping him, those friends could be safe. Eren had no intentions to break out of the cycle of hatred or unite the world against himself, he just wanted to give his friends a chance to survive, and that is not selfless, it’s selfish. Eren’s goal was incredibly selfish, and biased, and driven by his feelings instead of rationality. Nothing like Lelouch!

Now this, this I myself am not the greatest fan of. I feel like it makes that great scene in chapter 122 loose a bit of its strength, Ymir obeying the king for 2000 years just because she loved him. Honestly, I always thought there was a bit of Stockholm Syndrome going on, but I didn’t think it would be the only reason. However, like it or not, it’s undeniable that it makes perfect sense in the narrative that aot has always strived to tell. Love has been a theme strongly woven in the story, and it also draws a great parallel between Karl Fritz/Ymir and Eren/Mikasa. Ymir was a slave to her love for King Fritz, just like Mikasa was a slave to her love for Eren, in that she struggled to accept reality until the very end despite the atrocities that Eren committed. Ymir stayed bound by her love for King Fritz, until she saw Mikasa break from her own poisoned love, aknwoledge it, and kill Eren despite of it, or maybe because of it. Only Ymir knows that one, heh. But the point is, Mikasa showed Ymir that she could break free of a toxic love, she was that someone that Ymir had been waiting for to finally free her of her burden.

“What? But that makes no sense!”

Now, on my first read, I simply thought that Eren had ordered Dina to avoid eating Berthold, and that he had made her walk down that road unaware that his mother was trapped (because we know that the Attack Titan’s future memories aren’t infallible, there are still gaps), killing her indirectly. I’ve since then read some theories stating that Eren willingly killed his own mum in orther to give kid himself a reason to feel enough hatred to kickstart the whole story. Honestly, I like this version maybe more! But let me explain to you why this is not a plothole, like many people think. In this same chapter, we have Eren explaining how the Founder’s power works in synergy with the Attack’s: “There’s no past or future, they all exist at once”. This means that time travel in aot doesn’t work in a manner where Eren extracts himself from time and space, and from a separate realm he operates on the past. The way I understood it, the mechanics works kind of like Tokyo Revengers’ time travel. MInd you, I only watched episode one, so my understanding might be jackshit.

Spoilers for Tokyo Revengers’ episode one. In the show, the main character loses consciousness and finds himself reliving his past. He interacts with someone in this “new” past, and when he wakes up again in the present, past events had been over-written by the changes he made. I think this is how aot timetravel works, with the exception that, since past and future (and present, of course) all happen at once, side by side, there is no old past to be rewritten, neither a future to return to, and present Eren wouldn’t be aware of the changes that his future self would make. It creates sort of a time paradox, yes, in the sense that there’s a loop where present Eren’s mom has been eaten because future Eren, in the future, operated on the past by causing past Eren’s mom to be eaten, but all these Erens are one and the same, as all timelines exist at once.

“Boo-hoo they ruined Eren’s character, he’s such a wimp!”

I have to confess (isn’t this appalling, that this is a thing that I have to confess, what the actual fuck), I am an Eren stan. I absolutely do not consider myself a Jaegerist, I think Eren’s option was better than Zeke’s, yes, but it was morally wrong and awful and he absolutely was not only in the wrong, but also if he wasn’t dead I’d want him to be punished for his crimes. I didn’t particularly enjoy him pre-timeskip, and I started to like him because I found his evolution fascinating. I wanted to understand his motives, what was going on in his head, he was a puzzle that I wanted to solve. Maybe because I’m a psychologist, who knows. Anyways, if you’re an Eren stan only because he acted like a chad and now you cry his character was ruined, I’m sorry to say, you never understood him. Eren was not a god, he was not a strategist playing 5d chess with perfect rationality, Eren was the same he has always been. He was a young man spun along by his passions. Eren feels things with burning intensity, he lets himself be driven by his emotions. He almost flattened the world because he was disappointed that he and his friends weren’t the only human beings inhabiting it, for fuck’s sake, he’s always been irrational, selfish, and immature. Of course he doesn’t wanna die, of course he want’s to live with all of them. You really expected a 15 year old hot-headed brat to become Thanos after he suddenly found out he killed his own mum and all his dreams had been crushed? Of course he felt conflicted, of course he suffered, of course he wanted to live, “because he was born in this world”. Honestly, when I read his meltdown, I felt relieved that his character hadn’t been turned on its head, it was heartbreaking to see that he really was the same brat he’d always been, that he’d tried to steel himself to do horrible shit for his friends’ sake and that he felt bad about it! It made me appreciate his character a lot more, I felt nostalgic towards the times when I was irritated by his screaming and pouting. Suffice to say, this is also my answer to all those people that believe his internal monologue to convince himself the Rumbling was what he really wanted were bullshit since he “pulled a Lelouch”. How can it be bullshit? Maybe he planned to be stopped, but he also said that he thought he would’ve still done it if they hadn’t. He also said that killing a majority of the population was something that he wanted to do, not a byproduct of the alliance not stopping him early enough, because with the world’s militaries in shambles Paradis would’ve had time to prepare accordingly. Anyways, of course he needed to convince himself to do this awful thing even if he knew he wasn’t gonna succeed completely, can you imagine how horrible it would be to know your only chance is to kill thousands?

I also maybe think it was because of the spine centipede thingy? When Eren says “I don’t know why I did it, I wanted to, I had to”, he gets this faraway look on his face and we get a zoom in on one of his eyes, which is drawn very interestingly and kinda looks like the Reiss’ eyes when they were bound by the War Renounce Pact? So maybe it was also the centipede’s drive to survive and multiplicate that forced Eren to do the Rumbling so that its life wouldn’t be endangered. I don’t know how much I like this, I feel like it takes some agency away from Eren and also makes it feel like he’s not as responsible for the genocide he committed that we initially though, which mhhh maybe not, let’s have him take full responsibility for this. As I said, I’m not defending Isayama blindly, I do have some issues myself with what went down.

“What the fuck, did he say thank you for the genocide?”

Guys c’mon, this is like,, reading comprehension. Yes, it was poorly worded and a bit rushed, but by now you should have full context to make an educated guess on the fact that no, he didn’t thank him for committing a genocide what the fuck you guys. Armin started bringing up the idea that maybe they should have Eren eaten because he was doing morally questionable things ever since the Marley Arc, which for manga readers was like what, 2018? Isayama has been showing for three years how not okay Armin was with Eren’s actions, how could it make sense for him to thank him for a genocide? You see some poorly worded stuff, and your first instinct is to ignore eleven years’ worth of consistent characterization to jump to the worst interpretation possible? Let’s go over this sentences and reconstruct what they mean.

“Eren, thank you. You became a mass murdere for our sake. I won’t let this error go to waste”. Armin recognizes that Eren had no other choice, but does not condone it. He clearly calls it an error, which feels like an euphemism but for all we know the japanese original term used could’ve been harsher. Point is, he clearly states he think what Eren did was wrong. But he recognizes that Eren’s awful doing opened up a path for Paradis to break out of the cycle of hatred. Not a certainty, but an opportunity. He thanks Eren for giving them this chance, and promises not to waste it, even if it was born out of an atrocity. He thanks Eren for sacrificing himself for their sake, even if he doesn’t agree with the fruit of his labor, so to speak. He’s thanking Eren for the opportunity that his actions gave them, not for the actions themselves! Where the hell do you read “thank you for the genocide” guys, sheesh. I’m mad at y’all.

“How could Eren send MIkasa memories if she’s an Ackerman and an Asian, and their memories can’t be manipulated by the Founder? I call plothole!”

Now, here we’re going into speculation territory, so you’ve been warned. I don’t think that that information they gave us was true, about Ackermans being immune to memory manipulation. We know at least that the clan is in some way subject to the Founder’s power, or Mikasa and Levi wouldn’t have been called in the Paths by Eren multiple times. Stories never being entirely true or false, or relativity, better said, has been a strong theme in the story, we know this by Marley’s and Eldia’s different accounts of history compared to the actual Ymir backstory we got. So who’s to say that the belief that Ackermans aren’t manipulable is the truth? Maybe they’re just hard to control, not impossible. We know that by the Founder’s ability Eren experienced past and future happening simultaneously, so he could’ve very well been trying to send those memories into Mikasa’s head ever since the beginning of the story, only just succeeding in chapter 138. It would at least explain Ackerman’s headaches as Eren trying to manipulate their memories and failing. Of course, we’d need Levi side of thing to know for certain, as he had headaches too and we weren’t shown in the chapter if Eren spoke to him in paths like he did with the rest of the squad. We know he didn’t talk to Pieck, but he even went and spoke to Annie who he basically hadn’t seen since Stohess, so I hope he spoke to Levi too. Who knows, maybe he even spoke with Hanji, but she died before she could remember. I wish we were shown that, honestly, I’m sad that it was skipped, especially after Levi said in an earlier chapter that “there was so much he wanted to tell Eren”. Fingers crossed for the anime to expand on it.

“So Historia’s pregnancy was useless”

What? No, it wasn’t useless! Eren told her to get pregnant to save her life, so that she wouldn’t be turned into the Beast Titan. If she became the Beast Titan, then Eren would’ve had to enact the plan with her instead of Zeke, and yeah, Ymir brought the power of the titans with her, so theoretically Titan Shifter Historia would’ve had her time limit removed, but we saw that the only way for the Alliance to stop the Rumbling was killing Zeke, so Historia would’ve had to die. Useless to say, when Eren talked to her about his plan, she was very vocally against it, so I don’t think she would’ve helped Eren with his plan. It was Zeke or nothing, and the only way for Zeke to keep his titan was for Historia to be unable to be turned, hence the pregnancy. Did y’all read the same thing I read? Anyways, she could’ve definitely been handled better, but she wasn’t necessary to the plot anymore, and her being removed from it in such a way was sad, yes, but it made sense.

“They massacred Reiner!”

Yeah, can’t really say anything about this. I definitely understand the sentiment behind this scene, which I appreciate. It’s to show that thanks to his Titan being removed and the times of peace approaching, Reiner was finally able to shed the weight he bore on his shoulders and “regress” to his more carefree persona he had when he thought he was a soldier, instead of a warrior. I am very happy for him, and I think it’s a nice conclusion to his arc, that he’s finally happy, but it could’ve been portrayed in a less comic relief-y way. It just sledgehammers all his characterization. Feels surreal that we saw him attempt suicide a couple month ago in the anime and now he’s sniffing Historia’s handwriting.

Guys, this absolutely sends me. There are people who unironically believe Eren actually reincarnated in a bird? Guys. It makes no sense, it violates every rule that Isayama established for his universe’s power system. How could he even reincarnate in a bird? Guys, c’mon, this is symbolical! Birds have been heavily used in aot to portray freedom, and this is a nice, poetic, symbolic way to show that Eren who lived his whole life chasing freedom and never actually got it, is finally free, like a bird, now that he’s dead. It’s also a pretty explicit nod to Odin, I think. Aot is heavily inspired by Norse Mithology, and I think there were some pretty clear parallels between Eren and Odin/Loki in the later arcs of the story. Eren has been shown to “communicate” through birds like with Falco in chapter 81, or with Armin in chapter 131. Emphasis on “communicate” because again, this is symbolic, I don’t think he actually spoke through the birds, he simply talked to them via paths, but birds are associated with Eren’s character (see also the wings of freedom, y’know?) and the shots were framed so to give the impression that he was talking through the birds, but he wasn’t. Symbolism. Anyway, I really think they were supposed to be a nod to Odin’s crows.

Aaaaand that should be it! Even though I most definitely forgot some other criticism on the chapter, it’s crazy the amount of negativity floating around. Hope I didn’t bore you!

[just-like-playing-tag]

I just read your post about chapter 180 and while I agree with you, I also want to add something : what made Emma incredible is how she kept her morals and ideals despite this cynical world, but she also started becoming more cynical despite herself. We can see multiple time her hesitating between following her morals or her logic. I think the end is just her giving up on them to she become someone else again in the human world without her memories and hesitation burdening her anymore. (1/2)

Ok you see I totally agree with you, Emma has indeed become more cynical since the start. She definitely started aknoweladging the circumstances more and more, that not everybody shares her ideals, that sometimes you lose even when you fight the hardest etcetera. It was a slow process that started, back at the House, with deciding that not all the children could right away escape with them from GF and you know what? I can see why some could have thought that her character development would have reached its climax with her understanding that she has no chance but to give up on something, and the best way to help everyone and make them suffer as little as possible, from her point of view, was by sacrificing herself.

But you see I personally think that, even though she became more cynical indeed, that didn't make her give up on her most true, deep ideals. I think this new maturity made it possible for her to have a better understanding of the context they live in, with all its problems and dangers. Nonetheless, having a deeper understanding of them didn't make her think: "Okay. This is the situation. The only thing we can do is to make the less people suffer / to chose the safest path to grant everyone's life". Instead, I believe her thought process was: "Okay. This is the situation. How can we overcome these obstacles (since there surely is a way)? What can we do to get through this?"

Having an understanding of the situation:

1. Made her able to fully understand what she wants to do

E.g. I've learned about the demons and their society:

Norman thinking: I've learned about their weaknesses so that I can take them down

Emma thinking: I understand that, being coherent with what I've always felt, I don't want to eradicate beings that have feelings.

2. Gave her more elements to help her overcome the difficulties

E.g. I've learned that this world works the way it does because of a promise that was forged a long time ago; knowing that, I can find a way to make a new promise to change what I think is not ok in this world.

This was pretty much how I had interpreted her beautiful speech in ch 161

Also bringing back this description of Emma's ideals that Don gave us in chapter 130:

Thank you Don for your wise words

C'mon, do you believe this would be the same girl to deliberately chose to sacrifice herself? (That is, to put it this way, to have regrets indeed?) I personally don't think so.

Then I don't think that, as Emma's character had been written up to this point, she would have ever chosen to give up on her morals for cynism and logic. We all know she already tried once and didn't last a day. It seems to me pretty evident that's something she would have never tried to do again?

But still, given that it has been clearly stated that she ultimately decided to give up on her morals, I can't help but find it inchoerent with what had been previously enstablished about her character.

And now... The extra–hot–topic of Emma being selfish.

Look.

I know she's stated it more than once (right to confirm the point Anon is making, the day after this ask was sent it was revealed that she even used it herself to explain her choice (cons to Anon for having predicted it!!)).

I have read that one analysis about Emma being selfish that has traveled around Tumblr quite a bit, and I know a lot people agree with it.

I mean as Anon said Emma even stated it herself like?? What more should someone need????

...

Still aaaaahhh I really deeply don't believe that Emma is selfish. I'm sorry but I really can't see that in any way. To me she's literally the opposite of selfishness.

I don't know like... Let's take the definition of selfish I guess? According to the Cambridge Dictionary:

Now

ʷʰᵉʳᵉ

ʷᴴᵉʳᵉ

ʷʰᵉᴿᵉ

ʷʰᵉʳᵉ

ʷʰᵉᴿᵉ

Should this remind anyone about Emma????

She's the most selfless character I can think of.

Ok let's see the context of when she used the word:

Chapter 130:

I see three ways that her words can be interpreted here, as if they ment:

"This is my way of thinking myself" [this is my logic following my ideals, but you're in no way compelled to agree with me]

"That's how I feel towards Norman [she had been talking about him the panels before], so it's a very personal matter that has nothing to do with you all"

"I aknoweladge that this will make you worry and I'm sorry about that. In this, maybe my decision of following my ideas even though I know it hurts someone is selfish". But at the same time... Making someone worry is surely different, from Emma's optics, from hurting them, especially when - like in her case - she was fully sure she would have come back unharmed.

(Also consider this other translation:)

Now, about chapter 181:

Ok on the other hand what Emma means here is pretty evident, she clearly states it:

"She's settling her selfish requests". But sweetie, I really can't see how your requests here are being selfish. You don't want the demons to die. You don't want anyone from your family to die. That's... The opposite from being selfish. The only way I can interpret this as being selfish, is putting emphasis on her wording:

"I don't want to kill the demons" (as in: I don't want to be the one to kill them / I don't want to carry the burden of the suffering of other sentient beings

"I don't want to lose anyone anymore" (as in: I personally don't want to go through the loss of more people)

But honestly that's really a stretch and I don't think there's anyone who thinks that's what she ment with these words. I certainly do not.

So why should Emma be considered selfish?

Taking her general behavior into account... I've seen people argue that her attempt to save Norman against his will, back at GF, was a selfish choice, and that by doing so she placed her own interests over others'; but I personally have to disagree.

For context: I've seen people say that in that moment, Emma was being selfish because she put her love for Norman before everyone's safety. Because by saving him, she would have seriously compromised the escape plan, making it impossible for anyone to escape; she choose to put her personal interests before everyone else's, thus being selfish. But I really can't see it this way? We don't know if then it would have been impossible to escape. We can't know if, with Norman being saved, then all the others wouldn't have stood a chance, because somebody took away from us the chance to know oh my God Norman you're so stupid for being such a smart kid. I'm not saying they would certainly have managed to escape; I'm saying we can't know. I'm saying that Emma believed that they would have come up with something so that they could pull it off, and that automatically makes her choice not a selfish one, because she never deliberately chose, from her point of view, to endanger her family. She was just trying to save her friend, that is, for definition, not a selfish action.

So yeah, about your last addition... Nah I don't really agree. Funny enough, a recurring thought these days since the series ended has been: I'm pretty sure that's how Shirai wanted to end this from the start. But still, I humbly don't think such an ending is coherent with what had been previously set up about the character. And this is one of the very few issues that couldn't be solved with more chapters: honestly, I think the chances that I would change idea on Emma's character even with more chapters are close to zero. And like... I recognize the authors definitely know the character better than me, and their ultimate choice is probably the best one; but I personally still can't help but disagree with such choice ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[silverquillsideas]

Hi:) May I ask what your personal interpretation of the Bf ending is? Did Ash chose to die or not? If he did, what do you think was the reason for his decision? And did he believe Eiji's letter? Sorry if this has been asked before and I bother you with these questions...

Hello Anons! It’s not a bother at all! Thanks for asking! I’ll club these two together since there’s going to be a lot of overlapping parts.

I feel like the more I try to delve deeper into why and how the ending was written the way it was, the more number of interpretations open up. I’ve talked about my views on the ending in the above posts, and as for whether he believed Eiji’s letter, my answer is yes, definitely. I’ll elaborate why below.

First off, when I read the manga and later, GoL, it always occurred to me that Ash’s death wasn’t immediate, that he had time to drag himself back to the library and collapse slowly from blood loss, and the same is repeated by Sing in his musings in GoL “in the long long hours before death, as blood slowly drained out of your body”….so, I believe that the stab wasn’t lethal, and that Ash’s death was, ultimately, by his choice.

Now coming to why he chose what he did. These interpretations are entirely my own, and they are called ‘interpretations’ for a reason, there will be other equally valid points held by the fandom, and that’s completely okay. This is just how I see it. I re-read the manga recently, and this time, I tried to look closer at all the subtle hints at how the ending was kind of… foreshadowed in a way?

I’ll begin with the way Ash was constructed as a character : he was multifaceted, complex, a genius with superhuman reflexes and intellect, he rejected all kinds of authority and the law, since he never had reason to trust them all his life. Ash conditioned himself to be ruthless and put on a hard front at all times, since that was the only way he could have survived in the world he was thrown into from the tender age of seven or eight. He used his physical beauty as a weapon, a shield to disarm opponents, so that they never got any hint of his lethal side until it was too late; it was simply another tool in his fight for survival. Eiji is probably one of the first and only ones to get a measure of what Ash really is like, by the time we get to the arc of Shorter’s death. He comments on this :

Curiously enough, we, as readers get to know this along with Eiji, that Ash has this duality to him : on one hand, he is the cold and ruthless killer and gang-boss, the wild, untamable Ash Lynx. on the other hand, only with Eiji, he can be the carefree 17 year old Aslan, the little boy Griff loved, who’s scared of pumpkins and gets flustered when teased, and loves to bicker with Eiji over silly things.

Its this humane side of Ash we all latch onto. The facade of a killer that Ash has to put on for the rest of the world, falls apart when he’s with Eiji, and we can see that : we realise that it’s a shield he has to hold up for his survival so that the truly compassionate, softer side of him can survive. Eiji sees through it, we see through it. But does Ash? His self image is exceedingly negative.

This becomes a recurring point of arguments between Eiji and Ash throughout the manga. A constant pull and push of opinions on who Ash truly is, who he can be. Eiji tries so hard to pull out the humane side of Ash, the one who is Aslan, back to the surface, so that Ash Lynx may not forget who he really once was. Eiji lets Ash be vulnerable, he makes him laugh, allows him to be silly, he tells him that it’s okay to be scared, to be hurt, because Ash is deeply hurt, only he has trained himself to never acknowledge that even to himself.

Does Ash consider himself entirely worthless? I beg to differ. He relies on his intelligence, his skills and capabilities, and he had confidence in them. He has his gang members to protect and lead, even before Eiji shows up. He has his pride as a boss, and his constant refusal to be controlled by Dino or other characters who hold authority (and consequently, abuse their powers to further their own greed). 

But was that enough to hold out till the end? More than the battles with Dino or Mannerheim or Foxx, I think Ash had to fight bigger battles with himself, about his own perception of what it means to be accepting of who you are as a person, and what you choose to believe in within yourself. Throughout the manga, we see this constant warring : we have literally everyone telling him that keeping Eiji by his side, is him being selfish, that Eiji isn’t there to salvage Ash’s guilt, that letting him go would be better for both of them. And Ash is conflicted, he wants to have this connection, this friendship with Eiji above all else, it becomes his single motivator in the entire second half of the manga : to protect and keep Eiji safe

By the time Yut Lung manipulates Ash into giving up Banana Fish and go into Dino’s captivity for Eiji’s safety, Ash is already too far gone on his bond with Eiji. he pulls the trigger without a moment’s hesitation. If it meant keeping a loved one safe at the cost of his own death, Ash was ready to make that choice, perhaps for a very long time.

Ash was someone whose actions always did the talking. The fact that he had allowed himself to care, to demand or crave for himself the comfort of a selfless friendship, or even love, is more of an indicator of him slowly growing to value himself as a person, to try and love himself a little more. He acknowledges this openly to Blanca : that there is nothing that made him happier than being with Eiji, of knowing that at least one person in the world had tried to see himself for who he really was, had tried to make Ash see that too.

The conversation between Ash and Eiji about the leopard in the mountaintop, about Ash’s views on death and what it means to live, is one of my favourite moments in the manga. Ash had never feared death, but he had never wanted to die himself. Even though, at numerous points in his life, death had seemed like a peaceful, enticing alternative, compared to the hell he was going through. Ash states that he views himself as the leopard, trudging on and on upwards to the summit, until it collapsed. His conflict was on whether the leopard was facing downwards or up? Was he trying to came back home, or simply go on until he could no longer carry on?

The journey of the leopard paralleled Ash’s own. All his life, he had been forced to go on a steep, uphill climb, against whatever harsh trials his life threw at him. In the end, would he be too tired to carry on? Too tired that he would want to give up? Or Would he still have the strength to try and find his way back down?

Eiji pulls him back once more : he reminds Ash of his own humanity, that people were not obligated to remain as the leopard in the story forever. In the end, we are all human beings who can have a choice, to find our way back home. And Ash, after a thoughtful pause, agrees with him.

But agreeing with an idea on principle is a far cry from putting that into practice.

As the arcs progress, Eiji gets shot, and Blanca again harshly reminds him of what his reality was, that Ash and Eiji’s worlds were, as he saw, too far apart for them to exist together. And Ash is torn by guilt. His one objective, of keeping Eiji safe, had somehow started backfiring. He pleads with God, to take him instead, in exchange for Eiji’s safety. And that was when I personally got the foreshadowing, that maybe the ending could only be either one way or the other.

It’s interesting that Eiji voices almost identical words, that he’d take Ash’s place any day if he could, that he wished Ash would never have to hold a gun anymore, before he takes a bullet for Ash without a minute’s hesitation

There was always a residual sense of guilt with both Ash and Eiji about Shorter’s death. Eiji breaks down crying in front of Sing, and he wasn’t even an instigator in all the events that happened. I can’t imagine how much more Ash would’ve been carrying around with the knowledge that he was the one to pull the trigger, under extreme duress or otherwise.

That brings me to the involvement of Lao. Shorter’s death had triggered a mistrust between the Chinese gang and Ash. Even though Sing, because of knowing the truth, had ceased blaming Ash altogether, Lao didn’t go anywhere near. His only goal was to protect his brother, and his hatred for Ash magnified when Ash pointed a trigger on Sing in the mad rampage immediately after Eiji was shot. Sing understood Ash’s rage, and he apologized and desperately attempted to make up for what he saw as a ‘betrayal’ from the Chinese side. But Lao, stubbornly refused to acknowledge Ash, even though Sing tried multiple times to reason with him. Had Yut Lung’s childish grudge against Eiji not prompted him to abuse Lao’s familial ties with Sing, had Lao been more reasonable, had Sing communicated with him better after the end of all the fighting…. The list of ‘what ifs’ go on.

In the end, Ash’s decision was prompted by all these moments adding up together. He had vowed just the day before to Blanca, that this time, he’d never see Eiji again, in order to keep him from harm’s way. Did that mean that ultimately he never learnt to love himself? That’s difficult to answer.

I believe that to some extent, he did realise how much he was valued as a person : by his friends, his gang, Max, Blanca, Cain, Shorter, and most of all Eiji. He never admitted out loud how much Eiji meant to him and vice versa, but it was always proven by their actions and confirmed by the words of those who were close to them. 

Ash knew how much it hurt him to see Eiji wounded because of him, and I get the inkling that he could at least guess that Eiji would be equally devastated if their places were reversed. But he ultimately chose to eliminate himself from the equation : the solution, according to him, that would keep all the danger away from everyone he wanted to keep safe. That is the dark side of love, of how far you’re willing to go to protect those you hold dear.

Just as Eiji took the bullet for him, just as Ash himself had no hesitation in pulling the trigger back then, I see this last choice also as a final act of sorts, keeping good on his prayer to God : Eiji’s safety in exchange for his own. It wasn’t a perfect decision by any means, there were n number of ways a different choice could’ve been as good, but I feel than in his final moments, Ash was really too weary to keep on pushing forward.

It brings me to your question, anon, in the end, was love enough to save him from himself? Did Eiji’s constant attempts to bring out Aslan, win out against the shackles Ash Lynx put on himself?

In those few moments immediately after reading Eiji’s letter, we see the way Ash reacts : his eyes fill with hope, disbelief, love, and a hundred other emotions as all thoughts other than Eiji’s words flee his mind. Eiji’s reference to the leopard was especially important : he gave Ash a reminder, once more, that even lost souls have a way of coming back home, and that one’s humaneness was something we discover throughout our whole lives, it’s not just expressed by a handful of actions. Eiji reminded Ash once more, that it was okay to hope, to dream, and to live for himself. And that was what prompted Ash to take off running. In those few moments, it really looked as if Ash had finally broken free of all that was holding him back.

But at the end of it all, I feel that Ash Lynx won out. The question of saving us from ourselves, of realising our self worth, is a complex one. Ash was happy in the simple knowledge that Eiji had loved him back unconditionally. All his life, it was the one thing he had never received, and in his final moments, that mere confirmation was like a closure of sorts for him. It wasn’t fair to either of them, but it was how things finally ended.

In an ideal world, we’d have no doubt seen Ash and Eiji having their happy forever after, given everything that happened, but sadly, the author chose to write in Lao, as if to prove a point : that more often than not, dreams and reality are separated by just one moment of carelessness, one second of letting your guard down, and for Ash, that moment was fatal.

[beautifulramblingbrains]

The Dog - Chapter 10

Fandom: Vikings Characters: Ivar, Ubbe, Hvitserk, OC (However brief they appear.) UbbexOC Rating: This is Mature content with multiple trigger warnings on a range of subjects.

A/N: Thank you, @murmelinchen for putting up with me. And thank you all so much and to those still following the story. Your comments, reblogs, likes, are overwhelming. :)

First Chapter // 2nd Chapter // 3rd Chapter // 4th Chapter // 5th Chapter // 6th Chapter // 7th Chapter // 8th Chapter  // 9th Chapter

Tags:   @pathybo@sparklemichele@singingpeople@captstefanbrandt@equalstrashflavoredtrash@whenimaunicorn@kiiiimberlyriiiicker1995@emmysrandomthoughts @ariwolf14@bcat1291@tomarisela@romanchronicles @colours-of-my-heart @wish-i-was-a-mermaid @lol-haha-joke @thoughtsmeander2tumblingblindly @tiyetiye @titty-teetee

There was not a soul but voices carried over the many tents from the centre. Avery couldn't tell if there were any guards or men patrolling the border of the camp, but if it was up to Ubbe, she knew there would be, at all times. Especially after the chaotic stint when Hendrick had forgotten to mind the trail they left behind.

She almost turned back. Almost.

Her blood ran cold just from the thought alone; wandering the woods and fields they'd crossed before. Her fingers were numb when she pulled the hood of her cloak over her head. And she physically forced herself to cross the threshold. With little light save for the moon, every shadow or breeze that kicked up debris sent her body into flight.

Weaving through the tents soundlessly, she hadn't made it far when she heard a familiar voice, talking thickly in the northmen's strange tongue, hushed for privacy. The woman's voice wasn't alone, for the replies she received by a man were just as hissed, vicious even, a continuous back and forth. Avery peered around as discretely as she could, squinting into the darkness to see... Indra. She was looking up at Hendrick and all his brawn, his hands gesturing frantically while her arms remained crossed and defensive.

"What are you talking about," Avery whispered to herself, getting closer, trying to interpret it with a mere guess.

Suddenly Hendrick grabbed each of Indra's shoulders and shook her. Avery dumped her small pile of valuables at the bottom of the nearest tent and ran to her defense, then stopped out in the open when he kissed her.

"Indra?" Avery exclaimed, watching as the woman snapped to and pushed Hendrick away.

"Avery," she gasped, looking between her and Hendrick. "What are… what are you doing?"

"What are you doing?" Avery moved closer, an angered Hendrick scowling at her. "What are you doing… with him?"

"Him?" Hendrick scoffed.

"This is nothing." Indra narrowed her eyes at Hendrick in warning then broke away, carolling Avery back towards the tent. "My problems are nothing. But I need to know exactly what you are doing. You are dressed like…" Indra couldn't catch her breath. "Are you running?"

"No, I… I'm. I was going…"

Indra's face told that she didn't believe anything that came from her mouth. There was only Hendrick's laughter. "This is going to be fun when Ubbe finds out you tried to run away back to your Christians. I wonder if he'll have you tied up again?"

"Ubbe will not find out," Indra said.

"He will when I tell him." Hendrick still found joy.

"Then he will know that you were with me. I am involved now."

"Wait," Avery said, throwing her arms out. "Nobody else is involved."

"I have seen you, I'm involved. If I allow you to go it will probably cost mine and Hendrick's life."

That stopped him from laughing. "What are you talking about," he snapped in their tongue. "I have no involvement with this." Indra ignored him.

"I know our way of life is strange to you. I know you are fearful of being happy. But is it so bad? Is it so bad that you consider leaving without voicing your concerns? Ubbe respects you, and he has never thought of you as a coward - this is cowardly. What is going on inside of you, Avery?" Indra touched her cheek, pleading for an answer. "Tell me. Is it because you have come to care for Ubbe? Is it because we are the horrible beasts from the north; Vikings?" Indra smiled weakly. "I am a Viking and I would unquestionably put my life before yours. Does that tell you nothing? Does it give you no answers?"

"You really like to talk," Hendrick breathed, gazing out towards the centre of the camp. Indra shrugged him off. "Your life is worth more than the Christians."

"I cannot care for either of you. If I do, you will get hurt," Avery finally admitted. "If Ubbe marries me, I don't know whether it is his hand forcing me to, or if I truly want it?" Indra's palm still remained on her cheek in a loving gesture and it was enough to force out her deepest apprehensions. "I'm scared."

"Scared of good things and bad things, what a predicament," Indra teased. "You are most unusual. It is dangerous to think too much."

"Take her back, Indra," Hendrick snapped, losing patience. "I will tell Ubbe."

"No!" She looked back to Avery. "You will tell Ubbe of what you planned tonight. And you will tell him why you did not do it, and will not do it again." There was strength to her words. "So be it if you tell him you saw us together." Indra sighed and turned to Hendrick. "But our affection is one sided."

Hendrick shook his head, wiping his nose before storming off into the darkness.

Avery stared after him, feeling like the earth would swallow her whole. "He's going to tell him."

"I've known Hendrick for a long time, before I parted and went on Sandarr's voyage, travelling with his men. He will be very annoyed, he will think bad things of me, but he will not tell Ubbe."

"Is this why you were sad earlier? You wouldn't tell me what was wrong, saying it was nothing concerning. But something has happened between you."

"Jealousy. Wanting something he can't have. He can't have me but won't let Hvitserk have me either." Her brow rose at the thought, she was becoming wary again. "It's all a game to men like him. They want you and grow bored. They think of you as claimed property."

Avery peered to the ground. It was one of the thoughts that had crossed her mind before. "Men like him? Do you think Ubbe will grow bored-"

"Don't even say it, my lady. Ubbe is far from Hendrick. For one, I know, because you don't hate his guts." Indra appeared more elated having outed herself, and signalled back towards Ubbe's tent. "Shall we?"

They linked arms and walked slowly, stumbling upon Avery's small stash of clothes and picked them up without mentioning it again. Avery held Indra tighter. "Stay with me tonight." Indra laughed at first, then realised she was serious. "Please?"

"I would detest but I can't ignore a plea. Ubbe will not refuse two women sleeping in his bed. I think it would please him." Avery hesitated and Indra smiled at her. "I'm fooling… No matter what you think or hear of Viking men, Ubbe likes to be selfish, so it is told. It is such a pity."

"Indra!"

"A woman's love is far more passionate," she laughed. "They know our bodies like we know our own. No clumsy man's hand. All delicate skin and touches. If you want."

Back inside the tent, Indra took off the layers of furs and cloaks and sat on the bedding furs with Avery under the light of a candle. "You prefer women?" Avery blurted, too curious as she relaxed back onto her elbow.

"No, I like both. They both have different things I like. To choose one over the other does not come easily to me." Resting on her legs, back straight, down to her small linen she wore beneath her dress, Indra looked the picture of an angel to Avery. She smiled up and let her head fall back tiredly against the tuft of material stuffed with feathers obviously stolen from a previous Keep, listening intently. "But it is not women you are interested in, Avery. Do you even know how to pleasure a man?"

"It's the thing in their pants. I'm not completely clueless."

Indra giggled. "Yes, I suppose. But the question is, do you know how to pleasure yourself?"

Avery found herself blushing, though there was no reason. "It's the last thing I think of-"

"But lately it comes to mind with Ubbe, yes?" Avery nodded shyly. "I will give you advice." Indra had a wry smirk on her face. "When the travel is long and you can't stop, the sway of the saddle…" She rolled her hips a certain way. "Is just enough."

"Indra!"

"You always shout my name when I embarrass you!" She fell down beside Avery, their giggles filtering out. "Now sleep, my lady. I won't speak of it no more and redden your beautiful face." She pushed hair behind Avery's ear. "Promise me you won't try to run ever again? You belong."

Belong.

Avery sighed contently as sleep washed over her. She was so stupid. "I promise."

At first the noise slipped into her dreams, until it became more clear, louder, out of sync with what she was dreaming of. Avery stretched out her arms to a vacant bed, light pouring in from the flap of the entrance hanging open, and the silhouette of Ubbe perched on a log sharpening his blade. She must have sighed upon waking as Ubbe had already turned and looked over his shoulder, watching her. "It is about time."

Her heart sank a little when she noticed that he didn't look happy. His concentration went back on the blade, shoulders hunched over his work.

"Ooh bear, I have to tell you something."

"I wish you had told me before that I would be walking in with nowhere to sleep."

Avery frowned. "There was loads of room." Ubbe just scoffed at her. "Perhaps we should speak later, your mood won't help."

"No," he said sharply. "No, I don't avoid problems. I have a problem, I out it. I say, I do. I am a very simple man."

"What is the problem?"

Ubbe shook his head, sharpening the blade harder. "I don't share. Not anymore. I've learned from my mistakes."

"What are you talking about? Are we talking about Indra?"

"Yes, of course we are," he snapped back but was caught with Avery's giggle. He was finding it hard to remain mad with her.

"I'm learning of your culture; that you are free to think. But Indra was just keeping me company." As she spoke, she draped a cloak around her shoulders, taking a seat on the floor next to him, looking out to the clearest day they had had so far. The absence of rain only forebode a major storm would soon inevitably pass. "We are friends only."

"She likes sex and she likes women... And you won't marry me."

Though he scowled at her, Avery couldn't help but smile at him, noting the unique way his eyes spoke more than any feature. The sigh he'd put on his words to seem like he didn't care but did, the way he would tilt his head in thought, shoulders squared.

When she moved up to her knees to get to his level, he stopped fidgeting with the blade. And before she could think it through - like she needed to do this to solidify how she felt - she kissed him, using a little of the affection she'd learned to stroke the side of his face, running her finger along the largest scar over his eye.

"You truly care for me? In such a small amount of time? That once, I was nothing to you." She found the courage to look him straight in the eye, for the first time him being unsure of holding them. Because yes, her forwardness was unusual. And yes, she had just kissed him voluntarily. But she knew of that wariness, the cautious and apprehensive look of past betrayal.

Jealousy rose in her stomach, thinking that maybe someone had said something similar to him before, that she was never going to be his first, and that he had loved another before her. Wondering whether his previous lover's fate may become her own, she had grown sad at the prospect that if she did give herself to him, he may sideline her like others.

But staring at him, she had a thrill course through her while thinking of the future, past hunger and pain, and maybe, for even a second, she felt the warmth of being loved. That the void of abandonment from her mother on that night seemed far away suddenly.

"I admit your innocence is tempting." His lip rose slightly, then fell back with meaning behind his words. "But that is not all, stulka. Your bravery, mind, along with your pain, speak more than you have to. Your will to stick by your true beliefs is fierce, considering your new circumstances. That can't be said for many."

Avery clamped her eyes closed, it was now or never. "Ooh bear, I have to tell you-"

He interrupted her by shifting, pointing to her pile she'd made left beside the bed. "You didn't leave, though."

"No." Her shoulders sagged; he could read her too well it appeared.

"Then that is all that matters." Relief washed over her. She let out a sigh, gripping his tunic in thanks of his easy forgiveness, feeling him draw her closer until their foreheads met. His hand ran up her back, into her hair where he fisted it, keeping her there. "We won't speak of it again, but it is the last time." It was a sweet warning, and she nodded as much as she could.

The cloak fell from Avery's shoulders, and Ubbe recovered it, placing it back over her, then guided her to sit between his knees, looking out to the camp. Over her shoulder, arms around her, he showed her the blade and stone which he was using to sharpen, demonstrating an outwards motion then passing it to her, talking quietly in his language.

The men had grown quiet when Sandaar joined but soon got back into the swing of things and forgot he was even there eventually. Though, there was something obviously troubling him from the tense way he'd sat and leered. "We should move soon," he voiced his concern. It was only a matter of time until he outed himself. Ubbe was laughing at Hvitserk at first, and stopped when he spoke, his laugh filtering out as he looked to the ground and the air turned solemn. "You know we should. The sooner the better. I don't like the open and I rather the shores."

"We move when I say we move." Ubbe tilted his head back slowly and glared at him.

"Your arm is healed enough, no?" It had been three days, three days, and Sandaar's questioning grated on him as he had spent those three days consumed with supplies and making sure their travelling party didn't starve while Sandaar drank and flirted with anything with an ass.

Luckily Hvitserk sensed it and leant back casually, shrugging as he did. "We are good for now, Sandaar. There is no rush."

It seemed to be enough for now but Sandaar tipped back his drink with a permanent frown sketched upon his face. Through the darkness Hendrick appeared and took a seat closer to them than the other men and a few of the shieldmaidens knocking back their drinks just as furiously. It was obvious they had been travelling with Sandaar too long. At least Ubbe could handle his drink as if it was water.

"I've seen the pretty Christian girl. Is she yours?" Sandaar spoke and the camp seemed to grow cricket quiet. Ubbe wiped his mouth, finally meeting his eye, a dangerous look. He kept his cool, he knew Sandaar was looking for a rise out of him. "She has settled in well - flourishing even. Surprised the death of her Holy man didn't scare her off."

"I've claimed her." Try as he might, Ubbe couldn't keep the edge from his voice. "What business is it of yours?"

Hvitserk rolled out his neck next to him.

"It's the only slave we've taken from this land so far. I'm just wondering how dangerous it is. Is she committed to the cause?"

Ubbe chewed his lip. "She is." He wasn't stupid. He was challenging him. He was challenging him in the most primal way - in front of the fittest and fiercest. He was probing for a way in, to get to him, to see a weakness, to see how devoted he was.

"Quite the distraction, huh?"

"This conversation has already ended." Ubbe signalled for his cup to be refilled.

"Maybe we should talk about your preferences?" Hvitserk spoke up, and someone coughed, trying to hold back a bark of laughter.

"Do go on," Sandaar said dangerously. "Give me a good reason to cut out your tongue. Heard you've been running it all over camp with your little jokes and tall tales."

"Ah, the thought scares me, you see. It would only make better room for you to put your dick in it. So I guess I'll back out of this-"

Sandaar stood up, slamming his cup down onto the ground. Everyone around them apart from Ubbe rose too, standing off, and Hendrick grabbed Hvitserk who shifted from foot to foot.

"Go on!" Sandaar gestured with a flick of his wrist at Hvitserk. "I'm unafraid of your dead reputation."

"I hope you do not speak of my family!" Hendrick held Hvitserk back, pushing him away.

"Enough!"

It was so loud that every single person surrounding them snapped their head towards Ubbe. He stood up, stepped in front of the fire, the glare bouncing in flames inside his eyes. Very slowly, he put his hands out and warmed them. "Hold your tongue, Sandaar. Hold onto it dearly."

Hvitserk instantly relaxed, the same moment a smirk rose on Hendrick's face.

"One thing I cannot have anymore, is the questioning of my abilities; of what is mine. I think there has already been far too much of that."

"I get my claim when we are finished, from Ivar, not you. As long as this trip doesn't cost me too many months." Sandaar waved a hand dismissively, not sensing the energy in the air. Be it the drink, or he was genuinely an ass.

Ubbe shrugged, hypnotized by the flames. "Do you like my marks?" he asked calmly.

Sandaar scoffed at first, then realised it was a serious question. He rose an eyebrow and sighed simultaneously. "Your scars mark a true warrior." He looked around, trying to get a laugh or an agreement from the crowd but nobody seemed in the least entertained.

"I think this new one will add perfectly to the collection, don't you think?" Ubbe motioned to his arm. "But many from the past signify mistakes…" Ubbe crouched down next to the flames, heating a knife over the logs. "And discipline."

"Yes, we've all heard the stories of your extensive training."

"And you have none. Strange, for such a fearsome leader. Many voyages you have made, and not a scratch - not even a reminder." Ubbe turned, still brandishing the knife. "Just silly poems scribbled in ink."

"I'm smart. It's commendable to come out unscathed. My reminders are placed after."

Hendrick and Hvitserk looked at each other, and when Ubbe stepped forward they grabbed Sandaar, one on each arm. He hit out, but couldn't get leverage against them. Not even his own men stepped up.

"This is a reminder, Sandaar." Ubbe smiled at him maliciously. "That even if it isn't mine, but you think it's mine - it's mine. And you'll keep your tongue… quiet."

Sandaar's eyes widened, wildly searching for some form of escape, but nobody was coming to his aid. He had insulted the sons of Ragnar and now the people needed compensation. Gods forbid the word reached Ivar.

The tip of the knife glowed red, and the skin on Sandaar's neck sizzled.

The small wood nearest the camp was quiet apart from the footsteps of Indra and Avery as they passed through and collected kindling for the fire.

"I like this land a lot. There is no fear of large animals," Indra said, watching Avery bend to pick up a collection of sticks. "Where we are from, you are taught from a young age not to wander far. Otherwise you will be taken."

"Man is the biggest fear here," Avery quoted her father. "My parents used to say that. And they were ultimately right. I believe Man will always be the biggest killers. At least animals have no other intentions."

"You are wrong. We are so alike. They kill for territory and food, like us. Like every man from the past."

"Or woman," Avery added. "But they don't kill for necessity, for jealousy, for silver or gold. And if it is for territory and food, we have stepped into their land. What's scary is that there are stories of villages and rituals of eating others - Man eating Man..."

"When I was little, one was told to scare us while around the fire. A great village was under attack, somewhere south of where we are from. An argument between the two land owners. One rampaged the other, trapped them inside their walls and their only salvation was to eat each other. They only let them out when there was one person left."

"That is such a myth," Avery giggled.

Indra was peering up in thought. "They said his belly was fat."

Avery laughed but covered her mouth. "That is morbid and I shouldn't laugh. It seems too false."

"It probably was, my uncle used to tell it and he smoked strange things that played with his mind." Indra shrugged.

"There is your answer," Avery said with a roll of her eyes.

"I have enough, I'm going back."

"I'm not ready. I'll be there in a moment." She looked to Indra who hesitated for only a second. Her recent episode still hadn't been forgotten. "I hope there is no large animals."

It relaxed Indra enough, and they weren't too far; they could see the camp through the trees. "You hear a growl, you run."

She rolled her eyes, watching her walk back hurriedly, dropping some further out. Avery turned back and went further in. The peace, away from the camp, was few and far between. And out here she could get lost in her thoughts. Oddly, bad thoughts didn't haunt her as much as before. The shadow had lifted, and in its place was a seemingly permanent smile. How could it not be? She was almost certain she may be loved. And there may be a chance she was falling.

A branch snapped behind her that made her spin around. Those stupid stories, they were just playing with her mind. Avery ignored it, moving again. Until another snap had her drop the pile she was holding. "Hello?" She scanned the vicinity. She could still see the camp, she wasn't far.

"Indra, if that's you, I swear-"

"If you hear a growl, run." She heard a male voice say behind her and he spun her. Squeaking in surprise, not fear, when he grabbed her hips, she saw it was Ubbe, and looking incredibly pleased with himself.

"Ooh bear, what are you doing? Were you listening to us?" When he nodded with a laugh, she tapped him on the chest. "Don't do that."

"What?" He smirked widely.

"Don't… creep up on me like that."

"I wasn't creeping. I was riding back through the woods and overheard you." He pulled her until she bumped against his body, hand on her neck, moving to the back of her hair that made her skin prickle. "I'd find you anywhere." And then he kissed her.

As the days had passed, Ubbe had grown hungry for her, and her body reacted in ways she'd never felt. The slightest touch, brush against her skin, especially as they laid together in the night, had her wanting something more. Whether this was his planning, to haunt her with sultry touches and loving words, it didn't matter because it was indeed working. She had to commend his self-control, though.

But hers was a disaster. She felt like a bubble, expanding, waiting for the inevitable. He had a habit of grabbing the neck of her dress and pulling, like any moment he'd rip it, especially while his mouth consumed hers, that left her flushed. Her heart still hammered when he pulled away, guiding her further into the woods until she could finally hear the horse's snorts and thumping against the earth as it waited patiently.

He climbed up effortlessly, then aided her in front of him to ride back to camp. Her pile of kindling was long forgotten, especially when she considered placing both her legs either side of the horse. Did she really dare to use Indra's advice? It didn't take long to decide.

After he whispered in her ear how much he had thought of her the entire day, she gently urged him to claim the skin of her neck, moving her hair to one side.

"What makes you smile, Avery?"

His short beard tickled her shoulder, his mouth never leaving her neck. She wet her lips, throat dry, and sighed, "I smile at silly thoughts."

"Of what?" Ubbe knew 'Of what', she was sure he just wanted to hear it. But it was almost impossible to string a sentence together. He grabbed her face, tilting it towards him and reinforced, "Of what?" He must have felt her heat, the way her body thrummed in anticipation.

"You must have been watching me a long time…"

He chuckled at her evasiveness. "I can't help myself. I'm powerless."

"I thought of you." The moment she said it, he claimed her mouth, trailing kisses from her jaw to her neck again, and pulled her back against his body with a firm hand over her ribs, right under her breast.

The conscious mind altered with the sensations, the fear or embarrassment had disappeared as she very slowly rolled her hips, naturally seeking that escape - that same feeling that had become almost unbearable most nights. And she only had to do it once for him to understand, his arms tensing around her while he slid a single hand under the layers of her skirts. He was only touching her thigh at first, massaging the skin, almost forgetting the reigns he held in the other.

Until it wasn't enough any more. She trailed the length of his arm to his wrist, then prompting him to touch her, a hiss of his name fell from her lips. The movement from the saddle and a stroke of his fingertips against her jumping nerves left her breathless. The need to move her hips quicker came naturally, and she gripped his thigh with her other hand. She heard him speak in his tongue against her while she hummed and it comforted her in a way that she lost herself to him. The muscles in her lower belly clenched, and with one hardened swirl, brushed against her clit, the world faltered around her.

They hadn't made it past the treeline but he beckoned her face towards him, swallowing her quiet mewls, a reddened relief painting her cheeks and hazy eyes watching him in her come down.

Ubbe's glazed over eyes were glued to her mouth and chest still heaving. And only now did she notice his hips firmly pressed against her, his breath as heavy as hers. When she smiled at him, he sighed and shifted in the saddle to move her legs to the side. Holding her delicately against him, he allowed her to breathe out the remnants of her need, to hold him as close as she could in this position. And before he set off again, he whispered how beautiful she was, and promised that he would do this again if she so wished.

"Avery, what are you doing?" Ubbe asked with mirth, laying on his back, just awoken from sleep as she covered them both with the covers while lying next to him.

Her hair flowed over her shoulders as she watched him, laughing to herself while scooting closer. "Can the world not wait for a little while longer?"

Ubbe thought about it then clicked his tongue. "Probably not…"

"But it is warm."

"That it is." He flinched when she touched him at first, over his ribs to his stomach, then relaxed at the delicacy. Breaths passed until he snatched up her hand to kiss her fingertips, her palm. "I must say this now."

As she propped up on her elbow, he scoured the curves of her naked breasts, marvelling at the sudden absence of shame. And at the sight, he mirrored her, just so that he could kiss her, as much as he could for now.

Avery knew what was coming. Tonight they would leave to pillage. Tonight he would leave her behind until it was done. He wouldn't risk her life anymore.

"In battle, nothing is ever sure. If something should happen, see to it that Indra cares for you under Hvitserk, my brother." He swallowed thickly and continued, "If you want to stay after on these lands, or to go with them back to Kattegat, I respect your decision."

"There is nothing for me on either of those lands without you, ooh bear." For once, she admitted the truth she'd kept hidden, not shying away from him. She hadn't known until now how fierce she could love. That it utterly hurt at the prospect of parting, making her feel ever more thankful she didn't leave on that night. "I've discovered something that is far from pain, death, and sadness with you. Even if I should have that treasure only once, it is enough." His thumb wiped a tear she didn't know she'd shed as he cupped her face. "I wish in the past I wasn't so stupid and stubborn to see it."

They both laughed quietly. "You are not stupid, you are cautious. Stubborn as a mare, yes." He nicked her chin and breathed in deeply. "Then if I do return, you will marry me? There is only so many times a man should ask before they start getting insulted."

Avery bit her lip, then nodded. She couldn't stop the blush this time. "Yes."

"Then I shall not fall in battle for sure." When he leant to kiss her, bright light beamed upon them from the entrance of the tent being disturbed. Asger stood there and spoke hurriedly, and Ubbe covered Avery quickly with the furs, springing up from their bed and dressing quickly.

When he took his sword, Avery felt a surge of panic. "What is it?"

"Christians." His coldness reminded her of the first time she spoke with him.

"Then I should come with you." Ubbe looked at her, pausing in his dressing. "I need to see," she enforced.

Considering her words for a moment, he eventually sighed and reluctantly nodded.

From a distance Avery could just hear what they had to say. The man that fronted a guarded convoy stayed on his horse, looking down upon Ubbe and their party, dressed in expensive clothes with fine detail, rings on every finger, but strangely not armoured.

"I need to speak with the man in charge." The man did not move, his hands overlapped on his saddle, seemingly hardened from the intimidation as the heathen army grew to stand before him.

She hadn't thought it before, used to the northmen's army, but looking back across the field, these people looked formidable. They had left their mark with a grand fire, the earth worn, only from a few days. Clinking from a smith echoed, the only sound as the wind blew, and the crowd grew wielding their weapons, or ready to arm themselves if need be.

"You can speak with us," said Hendrick. Ubbe stood statue still, staring at them, and she knew from the look that he was calculating. From her side, Indra appeared and kept her in silent company behind the cart where she hid. "There is no need for a translator." Hendrick gestured around him, and a few chuckled. "You can speak freely."

"So be it. I am Earl Edwin. I am in alliance with York. My word stretches as far as Tweed and as South as Auckland."

"Where?" Someone in the crowd shouted and gained more laughs.

Earl Edwin didn't even flinch. "You are not welcome here. Your dishonour and tricks will not work on Keep Wark. If I was you, I would pass by. In fact, I would head back for your ships… If they are still there." His tone didn't change. It almost sounded bored, recluse, removed from the situation. "However, just from the look of you I see that it isn't a possibility. I'm not blind to your scouts to Wark."

"We have enough honour to not claim your life right now," Hendrick replied, then looked to Ubbe, for Earl Edwin's attention remained on him. A silent conversation passed between them. The Earl twitched his reigns and concentrated solely on Ubbe. "Why do you look to him?"

"Because he is the one in charge," the Earl said simply.

Avery concluded the Earl was smarter than he seemed. He then flicked his wrist and from behind them a cart was pulled forward. The men jumped down and untied the horses from it, leaving it standing between them.

"This is an offer. An army needs to be fed and a truce needs to be met. I'm also not blind to your numbers, but from your scouts I know you are unknowing of mine. Let's not waste any more time. North-West, there is an undefended Keep. They rest because they believe the raids will pass through us first. I will not hinder your path if you don't step a foot in mine."

Ubbe scratched his beard and stepped forward. "We are not interested in English rival disputes."

"I will ignore your presence and not send word of your exact location."

"That doesn't bother me."

"Take the offering, make a decision before tonight." Earl Edwin twirled his horse around. "I beg you not to approach the Keep because I will know what choice you have made. And may God bless you if it should be the right one." The long flow of his cape fluttered as the horses gained speed up to a canter, disappearing further up into the treeline.

Hvitserk turned to Ubbe. "I only got half of that."

"There are two Keeps near. The one we targeted for tonight wants us to take another in exchange for silence and safety." Ubbe crossed his arms, still staring out after them.

"So?"

"They watch us even now. And I don't trust him." Ubbe tipped his head and spoke to himself under his breath, "How did he know an attack was imminent?"

"I say we stick with the plan," Hendrick interrupted, flexing his shoulders and ready. "Not listen to their lies and fake God."

"No," Ubbe hushed him, rubbing his chin as the thought struck him. "We are going to take them both. Despair gives courage to a coward. And cowards are the most dangerous." He pointed to some people standing idly to the side. "Take the cart inside the camp, then burn it. All that food is laced with death."

[schmergo]

I went to the Museum of the Bible

Okay, buckle in, because this is gonna be kind of a lengthy post. My mom got free tickets to the highly controversial new Museum of the Bible in DC and I, with heavy misgivings, decided to come along and see what was up. I have to say, I thought it was a lot better than I expected, though I am still suspicious and cynical of several aspects of the place. So here is my detailed review! Here's what you need to know about the museum first: 1. It was founded and funded by Steve Green, the President of Hobby Lobby, aka the company that went to the Supreme Court because they didn't want to cover employees' birth control, saying it went against their religious beliefs. 2. He was also fined $3 million for smuggling artifacts from Iraq (which did not appear in the museum's collection). 3. The museum is technically non-sectarian (though with a Protestant bias), and does not address hot-button issues like evolution/creationism, abortion, LGBTQ+ rights, or how the Bible "should" be interpreted. Its galleries include tellings of the stories from the Bible, the history of the compilation and transmission/translation of the Bible, and the impact of the Bible on history and culture. It always hints at a Christian interpretation but does not outright evangelize. Some people may find this claimed non-political and nonsectarian interpretation more insidious than an outright Christian oriented museum. 4. The museum is free, but with a suggested donation. I would personally not suggest donating anything if you're interested in checking it out so as not to put money in the Hobby Lobby Guy's pockets, but that's just me. Now, I have to address my own personal biases. I am a Protestant Christian (United Methodist, to be specific), but I'm also strongly opposed to what constitutes contemporary "American Christian culture." I'm a believer not only in God but in human rights, evidence-based science/evolution, separation of church and state, charity, equality, and empathy. To me, these values are compatible with studying Jesus' teachings, and I'm deeply critical of people who use Christianity to justify selfish and narrowminded decisions. I also am an elementary-age Sunday school teacher who likes to emphasize the importance of Biblical literacy in self-professed Christians, which this museum champions (you'd be amazed how many Christians aren't actually familiar with the Bible), and in studying not only the stories, but the themes and lessons behind them (which this museum does not do. It allows guests the freedom to interpret the material according to their own beliefs- again, some might like this and some might dislike it). This museum is huge. We were there for about five hours and still didn't see everything. It was also absolutely PACKED with guests. The line to get in snaked down the block, and there were some long lines to get into the "hottest ticket" exhibits. We started off our day in the most popular, multi-media exhibit, The Hebrew Bible, which is a mix of videos and walk-through visuals with exciting lighting, animation, and voiceover, telling the narrative of major Old Testament stories. This exhibit is a pure storytelling "experience" and does not display any artifacts or purport to be a factual account, which I actually love because it is not claiming that all of these accounts are literally true or trying to show historical evidence. It's a little cheesy but less cheesy than you might expect- it feels like an elegant Disney World attraction but with a more artistic and slightly more abstract style. I especially liked the burning bush (the voice of God was represented as multiple voices in unison, at least one of them female), the white room full of rainbow light after the ark, the Red Sea made of string and projected waves, or the watercolor style of art of the Judges/Samuel movie. This experience is as non-controversial as possible, though the one issue is that it portrays the entire Old Testament as a consistent story about how God's people moved closer to and farther from God throughout history, fluctuating in loyalty, which I've heard is contrary to how the Tanakh is generally interpreted. This also implies that the New Testament completes "the story," which shows a Christian bias. The next exhibit was a recreation of the village of Nazareth, which WAS cheesy and Disneyesque, but fun. It felt like the museum at Jamestown Settlement, where you can walk in the little houses and see how people lived in another time. There were living interpreters there, and I liked that the people who played the villagers were racially diverse. There was a mikvah, an olive press, a temple, and typical Jewish homes. Less diverse was the short movie about John the Baptist and King Herod, who were both played by white actors- in fact, Herod was John Rhys-Davies (aka Gimli) in all his bellowing rolled-r scenery-chewing glory. He seemed to be having a grand old time. The New Testament movie was poignant but a slightly more cartoonish style of animation than the Old Testament films. Its art style reminded me of the illustrations on Pottermore. There are a lot of contradictory versions of stories in the Gospels, which was not acknowledged in this movie, but they kind of found a way around this by having the movie told from the perspectives of different people who encountered Jesus in first person (John, Saul/Paul, Mary Magdalene, Thomas, a centurion at the crucifixion, etc), showing them as varying accounts rather than one narrative. I know about the differences between the Gospels, but not everyone does, and this could be interpreted as an oversimplification. One thing I loved about this movie was that they never showed Jesus' face. They allow the audience to imagine him as they see fit. My family got lunch after this. There's a big restaurant called Manna on the top floor that serves middle-Eastern inspired foods and it was quite good. (There are vegetarian, vegan, and kosher options.) I had a platter with falafel, salad, and pickled vegetables, as well as some mango juice. This place gets CROWDED and there are long lines, but you can't re-enter the museum once you've exited unless you get back in the big queue around the block, so you can really only eat here or at the coffee shop downstairs. There's also a biblical garden and observation deck up there. Next, we went to the floor that talks about the history of the Bible, and this is where things get complex. I am less knowledgeable about this stuff than the actual text of the Bible itself, so I can't tell you what was of questionable accuracy here and what was legit, but this floor was definitely poised as being more serious and academic, while the one above it was more about narrative and entertainment-- so obviously, I was side-eying it more. This exhibit is definitely slanted toward the concept that the Bible has been transmitted and translated throughout time with remarkable accuracy, but also explores the differences, inaccuracies, and variations between different Bibles. It starts with a collection of ancient tablets and documents. I have read that some of these have questionable provenance and authenticity, especially fragments of the Dead Sea scrolls. Some of the signage alludes to these questions, some does not. Many items are on loan from other institutions, while others are replicas and facsimiles of items in museums like The British Museum (always labeled as such). The articles of the museum I've read are very severe about questions of authenticity/provenance, partially because of the Hobby Lobby scandal, but also because this is such a new museum. Museum practices have changed over time, and many of the artifacts at the British Museum and the Met are unethically acquired, too. Bear that in mind when visiting any museum (I could rant to you about the Parthenon marbles!) Still, a new and expensive museum like this one should be more careful. The most interesting ancient items in this exhibit were accounts from non-Jewish ancient cultures that told a different version of events than the Bible-- a king claiming to have killed a Hebrew King and thanking his own gods for the victory, while the Bible says that God punished that Hebrew King for not being devoted to him. It was cool to see two sides of the same story. But what I REALLY loved here was the collection of Bibles from the Middle Ages and Renaissance, because I love old books. Like, I took a class at the Folger Shakespeare Library about this stuff. There was a Gutenberg Bible, some absolutely gorgeous illuminated manuscripts (including one belonging to Henry V's great-grandmother and in immaculate condition), Tyndale Bibles, one of the very first edition of the full Bible in English... It was sobering to see that Henry VIII commissioned churches to display Bibles in English two years after Tyndale was executed abroad for translating the Bible into English. My favorite thing in the entire museum was a "Wicked Bible"- a reprint of the King James Bible that accidentally left out a crucial word and said, "Thou shalt commit adultery." Needless to say, most of them were destroyed, and the printers got in trouble, but this one survived. I also liked the small exhibits on which books were included in which versions of the Bible and which were left out/ considered apocrypha. The "Drive Thru History." introductory movie here is incredibly annoying and trying too hard to be cool, by the way, so feel free to skip that one if you go. It does a disservice to a serious collection of books. I also popped into the second floor exhibits before I left, but I didn't stick around for long. This has exhibits on the Bible's impact on US history and on culture in the world. The culture one honestly was so overwhelming and sprawling that it hurt my brain (especially since I had already been in the museum for 4.5 hours), but I did get a kick out of seeing Elvis Presley's Bible. This might be the most propaganda-Y part of the museum, but I didn't take much time to find out. There's also a video booth where people can share their own feelings or experiences about the Bible. The American history section was interesting and surprisingly daring, though. It talked about how the Bible was used to back up positions on different sides of issues through history- pro- and anti- slavery, women's rights, whether to be independent from England. It showed that the Bible has been used for good and bad throughout history and has some cool documents on display- a first edition copy of Uncle Tom's Cabin, Elizabeth Cady Stanton's "Women's Bible," the handwritten manuscript of the Battle Hymn of the Republic. The displays let the public vote on tricky questions like whether they agree with Thomas Jefferson's decision to cut up the Bible and keep the parts that he felt applied as advice to daily life. (73% say no.) Also, in a section about politicians making reference to their personal faiths, there is a clip of Barack Obama singing "Amazing Grace." Nice to see that this museum explicitly denies the "Obama is a secret Muslim" conspiracy. There were more exhibits that I didn't get to see, including some traveling exhibits on loan from the Vatican, an Israeli museum, and a Bavarian museum. They also have a full-stage production of the Broadway musical "Amazing Grace." I will say, I gave a hard side-eye to the large gift shop, through which visitors exit, with the "Museum of the Bible" logo branded on everything from mugs to t-shirts to sunglasses. I would have preferred a tasteful bookshop with maybe a few knick-knacks like cross necklaces and Noah's Ark toys, but I guess I'm an old party-pooper. Overall, I actually had a lot of fun at this museum and got to see some very cool and rare books, but I also was naturally more critical toward this museum's decisions than I normally would be when visiting a tourist attraction. I was happy to see a crowd diverse in age and ethnicity who were discussing the exhibits rather than just zooming through (I did see one guy in a MAGA hat, though- frankly, I thought there might be more). The employees were all really nice and helpful even though the place was outrageously crowded. Would I recommend visiting this museum? Maybe! I think I would recommend it to Christian people who are already knowledgeable about the Bible and willing to think critically about what they read and see. I think it would be a good place to bring kids (mid-elementary and up) and talk seriously about some of these topics and controversies. The kids in my Sunday school class seem to have a hard time remembering sequence of events in the Bible, thinking Moses was the same time as Jesus, calling King David a 'Christian,' etc. This might clarify some stuff. I saw a lot of little kids there, and they were having fun, but I feel like I wouldn't take kids that young there because they wouldn't be able to understand the more complex topics. I don't want to just give them candy-coated pretty stories! I probably would not recommend this museum to people who come from very different faith traditions or none at all, whatever this museum's attempts at secularity. I will say, I'm unsure what the Museum of the Bible's agenda is, because it certainly doesn't seem built to convert anybody. The more cynical part of the says it's built to spread the message that the Bible is so important to history and culture that it should be taught in schools. The less cynical part says that it's built to encourage Christians to explore and become more knowledgeable about their faiths, because we're from a time when the majority of Americans identify as Christian, but very few have read the Bible or can answer basic questions about it. I think that's dangerous, because lots of people seem to adhere more to "Christian" culture than Christian scripture, and that leads to a mindset completely divorced from what I see as Jesus' teachings. I don't personally have a problem with its location near the Mall and the Capitol, because if anything else, I see it as a sign of the separation of Church and State. The museums on and around the mall explore different cultures and fields of study, so does one-- but I hope people who visit DC for this museum also visit some of the Smithsonian museums. Learn about Natural History, African-American history, Native-American History, not just the museum about your own religious faith. Please feel free to ask me any questions about the museum!

[yoongisgoawaydoormat]

Is it Harry you don't like or how he's been branded since the early 1D days? How the media pegged him as the front man when clearly there 5 great guys in the band? I'm just curious because I like Harry and the four other guys equally in terms of music, even before they started making solo music.

im gonna kinda combine this answer with an anon i should have responded to weeks ago “i've noticed you dislike harry, especially recently with him promoting his new music, but i'm not sure how/why it started exactly. could you explain??”

for me now it’s that i don’t like harry and that’s a position i’ve come to over the course of the past 2-3 years and i think i can break that evolution down into two broad categories: his relation to zayn (both pre- and post-march 2015) and how he has approached going solo (again both pre- and post-1d going on a break). 

and what’s most important about these two for me is that it is hard to explain away his actions in these categories as Harry Styles™; these are HIS choices, HIS words, HIS actions thus forcing me to dislike harry styles the person

for the sake of people’s dashes i’m putting a read more, but for those interested i’ve written a novel explaining these categories in more detail below (deadass i just copied it all into word and it’s 1500 words long..... im-.....)

1) how harry relates to zayn

i list his relation to zayn first because i truly believe this says something about his character. he has done things specifically re: zayn that have nothing to do with how he’s been branded in 1d or how the media has portrayed him; his actions that im going to discuss and that have most negatively affected my view of him are all on harry styles the person

it really started in the summer of 2014 when he waved the inflatable hammer of israel around at a concert during a time of heightened tensions between israel and palestine (and by heightened tensions i mean more war crimes and atrocities committed by the apartheid-esque occupational regime of israel). he asked those fans for that hammer, he is the one who has multiple zionist connections and could easily be considered a zionist himself. that’s on harry styles the person. meanwhile zayn tweets #FreePalestine shortly after that and is abused off of twitter. i recognize that the (racist) double standard here is not coming directly from harry but he benefits from it (and always has) and he plays into it and i can’t even imagine how zayn felt as a muslim man having to sit and watch his bandmate get a free pass for supporting a genocidal regime while he is eviscerated for one tweet of support. harry’s role in all this was the first moment i truly began to dislike him as a person

then we have his actions after zayn left. i will never claim to know what went down. im not sure we will ever know the whole ‘truth’ of zayn leaving and i’ve always said there’s shades of grey, no clear right and wrong, good and bad. it was messy but the bottom line is that zayn left (at least in part) because he was in an unhealthy state both mentally and physically and no one deserves that. so for all that the remaining four may have been justifiably hurt, confused, angry, etc. at things we can’t even possibly know about or understand re: zayn leaving, zayn deserves to be happy and healthy and people need to respect that. i do not think harry (nor his fans) respected that or zayn himself at all in the wake of him leaving. harry’s actions during mitam promo was, in my opinon, the most egregious and blatantly disrespectful. all four of them demonstrated sadness and/or bitterness at times but harry’s behavior (such as saying the ‘paperwork’ was the hardest part of z leaving, kicking a z mask off the stage, etc.) came across to me as petty, immature, spiteful and mean-spirited. it was not a spite that i saw in the other three. as a ztan (and also just a decent human?) i lost a lot of respect for harry in those months. i think these actions showed his true colors and those are not colors which i like very much.

also i’ve discussed this a bit on this blog but with the benefit of hindsight i do believe that a lot of those bitter actions re: zayn came from a selfish place of anger at zayn for ‘beating’ him to the solo game and from a place of ‘i’m going to villainize this person in order to make myself look better now and down the line.’ i think that was ‘proven’ for me when the build up for harry’s solo material included a LOT of very intentional mentions and comparisons to zayn. obviously that was something the media and people were going to do anyway but it was to a degree that felt sanctioned and encouraged; i think that comparison and that emphasis of ‘zayn as the evil judas who left, harry as the one who stayed until it was time’ was part of harry and his teams promo strategy (that backfired when SOTT flopped compared to pillowtalk, hence why i think those comparisons in big outlets have ceased, but i digress)... that’s a lot more of my own interpretation and my own reading of the info i have so it’s not as concrete as the stuff above but it does factor into my personal view of harry annnnnd it also connects nicely to my second point

2) his solo approach

now this is a more complex issue, and more of it *could* be attributed to Harry Styles™ but im going to preface my discussion by saying that harry chose his team. he’s been hanging with the azoffs on his personal time since 2013, his friendship with jeff has always been in our faces, he’s very clearly in the driver’s seat of his career at the moment, just as niall and liam appear to be (louis is a different and extremely nuanced conversation). he’s been angling towards his solo career for YEARS and while i don’t necessarily think that in and of itself is a bad thing (everyone in bands esp boy bands does that kind of forward thinking), i think the way he has gone about it is by stepping on his four bandmates in one way or another and i think that’s really fucking shitty. he has leveraged the existing Harry Styles™ frontman, standout image to catapult himself into this weird realm of ‘im above everything, im too cool, im already a legend’ promo.

on top of that kind of broad stroke stuff, some of his specific actions are just......... eye-roll worthy. i mean think about what the FIRST thing he did was after 1D went on a break? yachtgate. you can brush that off as a stunt all you want (and obviously in many ways it was) but it was a stunt that encouraged a certain solo harry narrative. it helped solidify him as the a-lister of the band hanging with jenners on fancy boats. it helped solidify him as a ‘star in his own right’ signing contracts and paperwork with jeff. it was a stunt that HELPED harry.

this is kind of a digression but i do think it’s important to note the nuanced difference between harry and louis’ ‘stunts.’ totally disregarding conversations of ‘real or fake,’ if we look at the major ‘stunts’ harry and louis have undertaken in their careers (and within this im including anything that could be construed as their ‘personal life’ being projected publicly i.e. eleanor, danielle, babygate, taylor swift, kendull jenner, etc.) harry’s stunts have always boosted his public image while louis’ have always hurt his. i know that’s an EXTREMELY broad and generalizing brush to paint with and im not trying to say that harry’s image has always been ‘good’, i remember the womanizer days i cant even imagine how much that hurt him and it sucks. but basically harry’s stunts have always made him more famous, putting him in an increasingly better position to convert Harry Styles™ into solo success. louis’ stunts have consistently done the opposite, giving him a SERIOUS uphill battle when it comes to the general public and mainstream media acknowledging his solo endeavors.

this is a discrepancy that exists between harry and ALL the boys, not just with louis (though the gulf between them is the most... extreme i’d say). harry has always been positioned above liam, niall and zayn too, and what i have a problem with is how that is being leveraged and leaned into rather than dispelled. harry could easily take the approach niall has which is constantly recognizing the good that one direction did for him. even if he didn’t want to be so overt he could have at least tried to be as polite and gracious as zayn was, who while recognizing that he wanted to do his own thing and his own music was very conscious to acknowledge the good bits of 1D. instead we have this weird almost antagonistic approach in his (sparse) interviews wherein it feels like harry treats 1d as this thing that was holding him back, something he is now free of. it’s a pretentiousness that i dont appreciate

the final thing i’ll add in this section is in how he and his team are treating the fans that he does have. i am not one of those people but at times i feel quite bad? and sorry? for harries who are investing their time and money and effort into an artist who seems hell bent on ignoring them. this aloofness is demonstrated on his social media, i mean has he taken time to interact with or thank fans once????? the whole tour ticket debacle sounds horrendous and im sorry for fans that don’t get to go because harry and his team bungled it. there’s just a distinct...... disrespect for the fans he was bringing with him from the 1D days and that’s frustrating.

[afoolsingenuity]

Five Reasons To… Read And Love You’re Welcome, Universe

I recently read an absolutely fantastic book. I bought it by mistake (sometimes you add stuff to your basket and click buy when you intended to just save it until later) but I had no regrets in buying it. Once I began I knew I would love it. The style of writing and the characters themselves and then the fantastic story all added up to hook me right in. I couldn’t figure out the words to explain my love for this book and then I remembered I like to rave about books and the perfect way to do it was give you all five reasons to read it.

You’re Welcome, Universe – Whitney Gardner Published: 7th March 2017 Source: Bought Genre: Contemporary, Young Adult My Rating:

A vibrant, edgy, fresh new YA voice for fans of More Happy Than Not and Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda, packed with interior graffiti.

When Julia finds a slur about her best friend scrawled across the back of the Kingston School for the Deaf, she covers it up with a beautiful (albeit illegal) graffiti mural.

Her supposed best friend snitches, the principal expels her, and her two mothers set Julia up with a one-way ticket to a “mainstream” school in the suburbs, where she’s treated like an outcast as the only deaf student. The last thing she has left is her art, and not even Banksy himself could convince her to give that up.

Out in the ’burbs, Julia paints anywhere she can, eager to claim some turf of her own. But Julia soon learns that she might not be the only vandal in town. Someone is adding to her tags, making them better, showing off—and showing Julia up in the process. She expected her art might get painted over by cops. But she never imagined getting dragged into a full-blown graffiti war.

Told with wit and grit by debut author Whitney Gardner, who also provides gorgeous interior illustrations of Julia’s graffiti tags, You’re Welcome, Universe introduces audiences to a one-of-a-kind protagonist who is unabashedly herself no matter what life throws in her way.

Diversity Out The Wazoo

Seriously, I loved the fact that this book wasn’t trying to tick the diversity box. It didn’t force it but instead simply was. The main character was deaf, and she was proud of being part of the Deaf community. She didn’t see why she had to change herself to fit the ‘hearies’ instead she questioned why she had to adapt to their world. She was also an Indian MC with two moms and that wasn’t a big deal. She was accepted by those around her and she accepted herself and that was awesome. I know one of the biggest complaints about the publishing world is the lack of representation as people fail to see characters who are like them. This book definitely succeeds in showing that it isn’t difficult to include diversity as this one does it without it being a problem.

The thing I really loved about this book was the fact that there were multiple characters who were deaf and the fact that they were all part of the Deaf community and it was just awesome. I especially loved her moms. That’s a whole other point, though.

Present Parents

Now, having lesbian parents in a book is not ground-breaking. I loved it but the actual reason I loved Julia’s parents is actually because they were so present and involved in her life. One of my biggest pet peeves in YA books is when parents are just utterly absent. I mean, I get parents being the enemy in YA, they so often feel that way as a teenager. I get bored of seeing bad parents in books, though. I know they feel like the enemy but most parents aren’t bad ones and I do find the whole bad parent trope boring. To see Julia’s two moms suspicious of her, checking up on her and inspecting her bag was great because that’s what parents do. When you get expelled from a school you don’t get complete trust from your parents and I liked that. I liked seeing Julia sitting with her parents over a meal and chatting about her day and getting annoyed with them when it feels like they’re spying. I liked seeing genuine family life with one parent who feels a little guilty and gives small gifts, like cool new boots, even if they aren’t necessarily deserved. I want that kind of parent in YA because that is the kind I know and recognise. I want more awesome parents and strong family bonds.

The Integration of Art Into The Story

Art, graffiti more specifically, plays a major part in this story and so the fact the book features artwork throughout to demonstrate art from the story was fantastic. I am not always the best at visualising things in a book so I really enjoy seeing things to support the story. The only thing which would have made it better was if the artwork was in colour (I would buy a special edition if they did that). It felt like the colour of the artwork would have added something a bit extra as a lot of thought went into the colour choices. That may just be me, though.

The Friendship

I love when a book features friendship of any kind and this one is all about friendship. This is most definitely a book where our MC Julia learns no man is an island. She forms this fantastic friendship with YP without intending to and it was awesome. She connects with her purely on accident and then the friendship she develops is brilliant not only for her but YP as they both accept each other just as they are, something they haven’t had much of previously.

There is also an element of toxic friendship and often who we view as friends can take advantage. Often toxic friends aren’t acknowledged but this time it is and Julia goes kind of an extreme way of showing she is better friend (and some might question if what she does makes her a worse person) but it was satisfying to see the contrast between good friendship and bad and even when a good friend betrays you it is very different to just having a bad friend. Just everything about friendship in this book is right.

The Story Felt Real

Okay, we can’t all relate to graffiti artist dreams and I got confused about some of the slang used (it made me feel old and out of touch) but Julia felt like a very real character. She was a teenager who acted selfishly and impulsively and didn’t think about others all of the time but she felt like a real teenage girl. She could be selfish but then she would go out of her way for YP even when she didn't truly consider her a friend at that point. She could do something to prove a point and act like a crazy self-destructive psycho but also be really sweet. it was insane and I love that because that is how you act as a teenager. Consequences come later and I loved the path she took to apologise. I just really enjoyed it.

Bonus:

Learning Deaf Culture

I cannot say for certain, I know no one who is deaf, but I felt like a lot of work went into making the representation of the Deaf community accurate. Like the alarm clock where it seemed like an earthquake and the way, there are short names for people which get chosen for you. The way that too often when you have an interpreter with you people will speak and look at the interpreter rather than looking at who is doing the talking. It was small, it was the little things like people muttering about Julia’s use of her phone to type communication as the youth of today and the embarrassment of learning she’s deaf. And her quick dismissal of having an implant to hear when she feels she’s not missing anything by not hearing. And her outrage at the ESL class and how much she didn’t enjoy English with all the grammar rules. Just every part of Deaf culture and the difference between being deaf and being Deaf was amazing.

As you can see I loved this book and I think you will too. It is a fantastic read which is real and interesting and included characters which felt real. Have you read this, what did you think? And can you recommend books which will make me just as excited to read?

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