#I die on this hill btw not up for discussion

[mazojo]

All of us villains are the superior protagonists because they have the perfect alignment balance of prep jock (Briony), jock goth (Gavin), goth nerd (Alistair) and nerd prep (Isobel)

[iibroskii]

The Mean Girls Musical Poster x Total Drama Girls !!

I’ve seen so many people (literally one person) have Courtney as Gretchen and that is FALSE ‼️‼️🗣️🗣️🗣️ It would def be Sierra because she knows everything about everyone 😋

ALSO I LOVE LINDSAY SO MUCH!! She’s so fun to draw and she’s such a cutie patootie. She was also ROBBED in every season she was in, ESPECIALLY ALL-STARS and i will die on this hill.

BTW who do you guys think would be the other characters?? Like Cady and Janis. You should totally discuss this and give me traction!!! wouldnt that be so cool lmao that would be pretty funny

Edit: Somebody who reblogged said that Owen would be Damien and i literally couldn't agree more.

OKKK eat up!!! im gonna go into hiding for the next 7 months until i remember that I have to post here!!!

[crystallinestars]

"Bullying into submission" is unfortunately an excellent way to put it 😔 People really need to learn that while feeling the need to vent is more than okay (just look at how much I've complained so far lol), making posts / snide comments with the sole aim of creating Drama or Discourse or straight up jumping into someone's space to berate them for quietly enjoying themselves in a way you don't approve of is truly the best recipe if your goal in life is to be miserable 24/7, on top of being a huge dick move.

I was also thinking about what other anons have brought up (how they feel straight up alienated by popular hcs always being one 'extreme' or another with no in-between) and I feel like these discussions (including the ones on social constructs, loved your input about that btw) are all linked by a common factor: some people try to draw hard lines in the sand in order to neatly categorize stuff in easily identifiable boxes or tropes. Sometimes what we could call "the norm" seems so ingrained in people's minds that it does not even occur to them to try and question this status quo, and so a lot of nuance is either lost or not even explored to begin with. At least that's how I see it, I still need to think about this some more.

I'd say that these "hard lines" aren't only drawn between all we've mentioned, but between communities too. I'm going to say this kinda clumsily but like, why are we treating anyone who isn't "just gay / lesbian / straight" as if they were an enemy and/or a threat? Is it some kind of insecurity that can only be soothed by constant validation? Why is it that when someone dares to make something slightly different, we're bringing out the pitchforks?

This hostility (and just the fact that these discussions / this Discourse seems very cyclical) kind of reminds of a tweet I saw a while ago. I unearthed it for the occasion lol:

"People love to pretend it’s so weird that others get upset when you claim something they like is bad lol.

Slandering something that another person appreciates is akin to insulting/questioning their intelligence, especially when it comes to a piece of work."

The original post was about slandering works as a whole, but I think it can also apply to more specific aspects, like enjoying something in particular in a given work. Why are we pretending it's weird that people get upset when you keep telling them (explicitly or implicitly) that their fun is lame at best? I know people love to say "that's just how the internet is, Get Used To It" but honestly? It's such an empty excuse and it makes me want to bang my head on a wall, because why couldn't we just all keep our manners to begin with??

I feel like I'm answering everything in a weird order lol but about Welt, that's pretty much what I had heard about him! I've been thinking that I should at least look into Hi3 a bit, just to see the links between the games and Mihoyo's overall evolution 🤔 And I didn't know about that lore book! I don't even know if I'm surprised about this reaction but I do know that fandoms sometimes confuse the hell out of me because I've seen just as much Guizhong enjoyers as I've seen people shipping Zhongli with Childe??

I'm just going to say it bluntly: people should REALLY pick a struggle and/or another hill to die on, because having a meltdown for something like that is just embarrassing. It does prove your point about the shipping lenses tho, because I can't think about another reason why a LORE BOOK would have made them feel so threatened 💀 I had seen the tantrums about Dottore (apparently he's too evil??) and Raiden (she's not evil enough??) but this?? MAN.

Kind of makes me think that people are lowkey hypocritical with their need to have canon confirmations, because they love to brag about THEIR pairings but as soon as the possibility appears that the devs MIGHT offer some kind of confirmation on one they don't like, even if it's one as 'marginal', for lack of a better word, as this one, they break out in hives. And the Thoma and Ayaka situation is just another proof that 1) YOU SHOULD NEVER FULLY TRUST LEAKS and 2) the bar we talked about keeps getting lower in hell.

And YES! I also felt like there were a lot of things about Alhaitham that were there to tell the players that while it's true he comes off as odd, eccentric, blunt, etc., he's rather kind all things considered! He's letting Kaveh stay in his house even if they don't particularly get along, he sticks to his moral code, he recognized Dehya's capabilities, he helps Tighnari with Collei's education, and so on. He seems to be the type of person that won't go out of their way to be palatable to others, but he also never goes out of his way to hurt anyone? And what's more, if you're willing to hear him out and truly pay attention to what he says, you'll realize that he's actually quite helpful? In a way that he's giving advice and letting people come to their own conclusions? At least that's what I can think about off the top of my head, so it's kind of hysterical to me that he gets reduced to "That Asshole Feeble Scholar".

This ask is getting long again (and messy) but I still want to add that I've seen your discussions about Nilou, Candace and Kokomi with Kaveh and it might be biased and/or controversial of me to say this but honestly? I think people, no matter their identities, just don't like women / don't even acknowledge how much they dislike women. As you said, same-sex pairings (and i'd say BL pairings in particular) are that much more popular and I'm getting pretty sure that it's in part due to the fact people don't pay attention to the female characters because they might be assuming they'll be boring. I've seen so many people bashing Kokomi, especially her story quest, yet they praise characters like Itto to high heavens? I know that it's 'to each their own' but sometimes I do feel like people don't give some (female) characters much of a chance to begin with.

At least to me it's pretty funny to see the difference between how you and the others have talked about your ideas for ships, and how the fandom talk about haikaveh lmao.

Kavelou shippers: I think they could bring out the best in each other, they could bond over their shared love for the arts and share ideas for their respective fields of expertise!

Loud Haikaveh shippers: omg they're roommates lol, when do you think Alhaitham will impregnate his 'c a n o n' malewife?? Why are kavelou idiots such snowflakes, 'conflict' is essential to make a pairing worth it and we're allowed to enjoy some fictional toxicity

Also, a bit of a side note, but it hasn't escaped me that people love to say that "toxic pairings are valid" for their BL preferences, but Acheron and Black Swan get exactly 1 deadly dance video and suddenly it's the most disturbing thing they've ever seen??

Anyway, I've seen you mention at least twice that you're thinking about making either a different blog or creating a discord server for all these rants you receive, and I think it's a lovely idea! I'm pretty sure I have an account on discord that I haven't touched in years so it has probably been deleted by now 😭 If there's anyone else interested in it would be a great alternative for you to separate your writing from the rants :)

Once again, I hope you're having a wonderful day or evening!

🪻

There is a lot to unpack here, but I will try my best to respond to everything. I'm sorry in advance if I don't touch on every point.

Regarding your "hard lines" comments. It's true that people draw boundaries between what they find acceptable and not, and while this would ordinarily be a good thing, here it's more to do with controversial topics like race, sexuality, gender, etc... and I can't help but wonder if the reason for such behavior is due to politics.

Most of this behavior is present in the western and english-speaking parts of the internet where American politics reign supreme. From what I have heard and seen, the progressive side deems everything that is considered the majority (heterosexuality, white skin, male gender, etc) as the opposite of what they stand for, therefore it must be conservative, which is bad. There's a lot more at play here than just progressive vs conservative, but I am not well-versed in politics, so I won't speak on it too much. Plus, this is all just a theory. But as I've said before, the West loves to drag politics into every aspect of their lives, fandoms included.

The quote you found is actually spot-on. Acting surprised when you insult something people enjoy or relate to is surprised pikachu behavior. Though I suspect these people aren't actually surprised, but are just trolling the people they offended, and are gleeful they managed to get under the skin of those whose views they dislike.

I think the lore book tantrum is another example of people wanting their characters to be "shiny toys", as you put it. Having an indication for a NL relationship between playable characters is a no-no for gacha games. It offends a lot of groups of people. For example, those that want to pair Zhongli with Childe, or self-ship with him, and the same applies for the Guizhong side (even though we had no idea what she looked like at the time). For some reason, there's not as much negative reaction if the ship being teased is same-sex though. Might be because it offends less groups, but it's still a baffling phenomenon for me.

Which brings me to the point about female characters.

I agree with you that female characters get hated on. In the anime and manga spheres, have seen a lot of comments about female characters from various fandoms, and the main complain with them was that they are not as fleshed out as their male counterparts. Female characters lack complex writing and character development, and get reduced to plot devices or love interests for the MC. Even in media made by women for women featuring female protagonists, some of these protagonists are pushovers that rely on male characters to save them. There is a desire for women to be equal to men in media, but it's not common to see.

It doesn't help that in Genshin, the first three chapters had bad writing, especially for female characters. Though not all, majority were were one-note characters with not much complexity or plot behind their actions, unlike male characters. This has improved significantly since Sumeru's debut, but I doubt it's enough to change the minds of some people.

So to make my point; female characters get hate for being boring. I also feel like women are the ones who hate on female characters the most? I have seen both fujoshi and yumejoshi communities hate on female characters for being the love interest of their favorite male character and getting in the way of their ships.

I am hesitant to delve into the topic of why some fujoshi hate female characters since it's not something I completely understand. I did a bit of research into why they prefer BL over NL, and while the gripe about female characters being boring was a main factor, there was also a lot of misogyny. I'm sure there are some other reasons aside from these as to why women hate female characters, but this topic is too complex for me to navigate just yet.

I will defend Kokomi with my life 😤 She got a lot of hate even back in her beta, and her story quest came under fire, as well. I thought her story quest was decent, though maybe my judgement is clouded because I love her so much. Regardless, her character is awesome and I relate to her a lot, so Kokomi slander will not be tolerated 😤

Regarding the difference between haikaveh and other Kaveh ships, I can only think that one is a fetishization of a gay relationships, while the other is a genuine appreciation for the dynamic between characters.

I actually saw only positive comments under the Acheron and Black Swan dance video. Yeah, there were jokes it was toxic, but I didn't see anyone complain about it, though I believe you when you say some people found it problematic. BL gets a lot of special treatment, I would say. Everything that's deemed bad/boring in GL and NL pairings is often painted as being better/good if it's BL. I've only seen a couple of "omg toxic yaoi ❤️" posts, and while those were jokes, it's shocking how much people love to pair enemies together. I see a lot of depictions of abuse in BL, and the shippers love it, so I suppose it's not that surprising? I find it concerning, though.

Anyways, thank you for your well-wishes, and have a great day as well!

[elizabethkitley]

okay so i’m not trying to come off as combative at all but you can’t blame the whole team for something syd said (which is wrong btw) but i thought that there was already many discussions about making assumptions about things that you don’t know/ don’t have proof of (aka any other aces players hopping on that train as well)

as for the whole deloris thing and i can’t speak for a’ja because who knows what she knows and i am willing to give her the benefit of the doubt, cc is friends or friendly with that pat guy who has gone up and said some nasty things about other players. once you die on the hill of something you have to keep the same energy. like when cc’s bf likes tweets that invite people to make racist remarks about them.

at the end of the day this isn’t a league where everyone has to be besties and i absolutely don’t condone what syd tweeted, people getting upset about people saying things about her defensive performance isn’t inherently mean spirited. and coming from someone who’s been in a place where you pull apart every single small action and then effectively cancel them for it makes you miserable.

anyways sorry for the long response and i’m not trying to start any arguments just my thoughts!

i don't really blame the whole team for that more the fact that they continue to be buddy-buddy with her

mmm i see your point. the difference though is that from what i've heard pat made those remarks after he started speaking on the WNBA more & after caitlin went on his show. after the latter happened she hasn't acknowledged him since i don't think. it's different from people like a'ja & dawn taking pictures with these people even after they continue to spew nasty stuff about these players for hate. but i'm not a fan of connor's liked tweets at all and i don't blame any poc who feels like that might turn her off from them

yeah honestly the defensive stuff isn't on the same level as the other two (and honestly even i can admit iowa suck defensively) but this is another thing that i just don't feel like professional players should give clearly biased opinions on due to their stature & status

thanks for sharing your response btw i'm always open to hearing other perspectives as long as you're being respectful about it

[spectralscathath]

Same anon from the Tyrisummer ask - are there any other rwby ships you like that aren't that well known?

Hello again, Anon! And yes, I am a very big fan of many different less popular rwby ships, because the majority of the canon ships I loathe (not you taisummer you can stay), and a lot of the commonly popular ships don't do it for me either (not you freezerburn and ladybug you can also stay).

So here's a non exhaustive list of obscure-ish rwby ships I like, which I may or may not have discussed before:

Nora/May Marigold: if Nora lived in Antares this would be endgame this is MY SHIP

Ruby/Marrow: my need to make ruby aroace vs my adoration of 'little red riding hood X the big bad wolf'-themed ships

Elm/Ironwood: I'll be dead before I stop shipping this they're so soft

Yang/Mercury: this isn't even that obscure I just need to rep my favs

Theo/Leo: I love old gay war veterans (canon theo does not exist to me I see only Old Cowboy Theo (also featured in azre btw shoutout to azre))

Marrow/Adam: I'll die on the 'childhood best friends to idealistically-opposed to lovers' hill

Tai/Oobleck: they dated.

Marcus/Neo: It's the hamster with a banana meme if the hamster was a yandere

BRIR polycule: Sisterhood of Evil WLW Huntresses (them not being the true villains of arrowfell was a cop-out)

Vernal/Weiss: the princessXbandit vibes are immaculate, this was the real butch/femme rwby ship dynamic all along

Sun/Mercury: Mercury at all times deserves a buff blonde with big tits and a bigger heart

Clover/Watts: I'll ship this just for the shipname alone (it's 'phishing' btw)

Sun/Ruby: also not obscure technically but they're so qpr that I made a playlist for them

and finally,

the one that got me vagued on fucking

UQUIZ

Clover/Robyn: I know this uqiz was talking about me specifically because it mentioned that lucky shot had a fanfic and at the time I had the only purely Lucky Shot fic up on ao3 (no qrow involved), if nothing else can be my legacy I want it to be this.☘️🏹

[letshaveadepressionparty]

Gus Gus!! I can't remember if I asked you this or if we've discussed it but I'd love to know or re-learn it again lol.

What's your favorite movie and why? It can be any medium, live action or animated! *but bonus points if it's animated jk hehe...maybe lol*

I'll do you one better, I'll tell you all of my favourite animated movies because honestly I can't pick only one AND SORRY I TOOK TOO LONG TO ANSWER I went completely nuts with this btw.

The Tigger Movie

This movie, this fucking movie, because of this movie and Winnie Pooh in general I love the found family trope. That need of Tigger to find his family, all the others jumping in to help him and then trying to cheer him up, and then him realizing that his family has been there right in front of him all this time, his relationships with Roo and Rabbit mean everything to me, the acting and animation YOU COULD FEEL TIGGER'S SORROW, Tigger is my favourite character and this movie fucked me up emotionally and I love it so much.

Lilo and Stitch

OHANA MEANS FAMILY. FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND OR FORGOTTEN. It has aliens, complex but loving family dynamics (with found famiy mixed into it), great fucking music (I knew all the dances) and it's beautiful. I've watched every single bit of media related to Lilo and Stitch, every movie and the tv series, and I love it all, but the first movie is so very special to me. The movie kinda grew up with me in a way, because when I was younger I related a lot with Lilo, but then I started relating so much with Nani, mostly because I'm the oldest sibling. Also Jumba and Pleakley are married I will die on this hill.

The Iron Giant

He wanted to be like Superman and he WAS he really was. I haven't seen this movie in a while now, I should rewatch it, but the friendship the kid and the robot had is something beautiful, and just all the humanity and care and love he experienced, he showed all of that way more than most of the humans from that movie. IT'S ART.

Ice Age

The first one specifically, the second one is really cool too but the others are kinda meh to me. Anyway I had this movie on vhs and I watched it so so many times, I know most of the movie by heart. And hey we have a beautiful found damily dynamic yet again!!! How Manny, Sid and Diego's friendship and companionship evolves as the movie progresses is awesome, Sid is fucking hilarious, Manny is a mood, I had a bit of a crush on Diego I'll be honest, and you really feel for all of them. And Scrat is Scrat, an absolute delight to witness.

The Spongebob movie (the first one ever created)

Just like with Ice Age, I know basically all the dialogue all the songs, I would watch this again and again with my little brother (this time on cd) it never gets old man. No thoughts only SpongeBob.

Over the Hedge

I have the soundtrack for this movie in my playlist, enough said. THIS MOVIE IS EVERYTHING, AND AGAIN FOUND FUCKING FAMILY. I'm realising with this list that I like that trope more than I thought, idk what that says about me. Hammy is my favourite guy, he's my little guy he can do no wrong whatsoever. And Stella the skunk is the character ever we love her in this house.

Shrek (the whole fucking saga)

There's no need for explanation here. Might be one of the best animated movie saga out there let's be honest here. AGAIN I have seen these movies so many times I know everything about them but I still enjoy the absolute fuck out of them.

Aardman Animations

Chicken Run, Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit, Flushed Away, The Pirates! In an Adventure with Scientists!...AMAZING FILMS ALL OF THEM. I know not ALL of them are stop motion/claymation, some are computer animated, but because of these movies (and Laika's of course) my love for this animation medium began, and I could not be more thankful for that.

Monster House

My love for horror increased 100% after this movie, it's funny, it's spooky, it gets sad as hell, it has a great plot twist???? What more do you need.

Laika

Coraline and Kubo and the Two Strings are my favourites from Laika, but all their other movies are gems as well. Coraline, I don't know if I can completely express why I like it, it's a classic and it's so ingrained in myself after so many years, I can't not love it. Kubo and the Two Strings is a movie I watched much recently, last year I think, and I love it so much, the way it's animated is absolutely stunning it's a beautiful piece of art (much like all of Laika's work) and the story and characters are so lovely. Like I said before, seeing Laika's animations, seeing how much work and love is put into these films made me love stop motion so much and inspired me to become an animator.

Meet the Robinsons

THIS MOVIE MAKES ME SOB UNCONTROLLABLY. That part when Lewis sees his bio mom leave him at the orphanage???? The ending???? The message???? FUCK AHHHH. I'm a mess every time I watch this movie. Everything about it is, lovely oh so lovely, the characters we meet, the story, how we put the pieces of the puzzle together as the story goes, Goob kills me man (also he's literally me for real) I just, this movie means a lot to me. "Around here, however, we don't look backwards for very long. We keep moving forward, opening up new doors and doing new things… and curiosity keeps leading us down new paths." Reading that and hearing the ending song absolutely DESTROYS ME.

HONORARY MENTIONS (that everyone should check out btw)

Emperor's New Groove and Kronk's New Groove, Road to el Dorado, Treasure Planet, Monsters Inc, Ponyo (and every other Studio Ghibli movie), Song of the Sea (and all other movies made by Cartoon Saloon because they are top tier, absolutely incredible movies), Megamind, The Lego Batman Movie, Manuelita (argentinian animated movie), every fricking 90s/00s Scooby Doo animated movie, Chicken Little, Brother Bear (the first one, the second one is kinda meh to me personally), Sword in the Stone, Klaus, Bolt, Spiderman into/across the spider-verse movies, Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio, Fantastic Mr. Fox and Isle of Dogs.

[bisluthq]

yall still running with this cheating narrative is very tired btw

zero evidence of her physically cheating but you guys are ready to die on the hill that she did…not that it matters but your bias is showing in the way you talk about joe vs taylor

how many times do we have to go though the storyline in order for you to understand this finally?

joe checked out in 2021, taylor felt neglected, hurt and started mourning the relationship but still stayed. matty came back into her life, initiated every single interaction, even when she wasn’t responding (his words). taylor reached a point where her thoughts of what couldve been with matty started to take over and she gave into his attempts at reconciliation…guilty as sin. emotional involvement? sure. actual, physical cheating? nah.

can you blame her tho? your partner has started putting his career before you, you sense that he doesnt love you anymore, you try but he keeps pulling away. your ex from 8 years ago starts sending you love songs and implying that you have unfinished business. he starts telling you all the things he knows you want - marriage, babies, PUBLIC SUPPORT. you either stay in a shitty relationship, miserable or you break up and start pursuing someone who promises you the perfect life…choice was very easy.

joe couldve broken up with her anytime if he was so damn miserable, taylor loved that man so much that she was willing to give up everything for him and he didnt even have the decency to be honest with her about how he felt….

but we don’t know Joe was miserable dude. He hasn’t said that. We also don’t know that in his mind he checked out in 2021. We do know he took Stars at Noon which really hurt her but like he was also justified for that because it was a VERY cool opportunity and she loves HER career so idk that she wouldn’t have done the same. Taylor’s never missed opportunities she really wanted and were available to her tbh and I don’t think ever would. If she was upset he did still want a career, it’s giving Joe J’s gripes with Sophie and Ballerina Farmer girl’s husband but with genders reversed. So she can follow all her dreams but he can’t? Ok. That doesn’t seem that fair. Her being upset about his lack of commitment to planning, which is a hallmark of his personality and chosen career, is fair but like he still needed to follow his own dreams/heart? We were literally discussing how Ballerina Farmer girl’s husband stole her dreams and how it’s unfair that they just live per his dream with a little sprinkling of what she wants but that’s how you want Joe to have lived? Idk.

“matty came back into her life, initiated every single interaction, even when she wasn’t responding (his words)” - his words can’t be trusted tbh (he also previously explicitly verbatim said they didn’t date in 2014 and then retconned that to the truth a decade later). He can’t have initiated every single interaction because she asked him to collab on Midnights lol so like unless he just stormed into the room uninvited and started singing and dancing around she… initiated some of it.

actually no one brings up physical cheating because we don’t know and seeing as how we’re not Matty or Taylor we can’t be sure (even their friends likely can’t be because they wouldn’t have fucked in the studio nor would they necessarily have told the truth either way so…) but we KNOW they had an emotional affair soooo that’s cheating lol. That’s the same thing.

The takes I most like are “Joe fucked up and so did Taylor” but your take is very “🥺🥺 poor Taylor” and idk that that’s not YOUR bias.

[theheightofdishonor]

2023 year in review: part one

It's close enough to the end of the year that i'm writing my year in review. I decided to do a part for shows that actually aired in 2023. (i may or may not do a second part of this for all the shows i've watched this year but even from an initial glance its a LOT, we'll see. )

From what I have noted, I watched 81 shows this year that finished airing in 2023.

Broken down by country, its

Thailand: 35

Korea: 18

China: 10

Japan: 10

Philippines: 4

Taiwan: 4

48 of these were BL and 16 were GL.

Even this is actually so many that I don't quite know how to even break it down so I guess i'll just go by country?

Thailand

Thailand just has such a large output of content that naturally, the quality also tends to vary wildly meaning this produced both some of my absolute favorites and some of my most beloved.

On the beloved side, Bed Friend, IFYLITA, Moonlight chicken,My school president, and surprisingly Midnight Museum. And on a slightly lower tier, Be My Favorite, Dirty Laundry, Enigma, Shadow, Only Friends, and Warp Effect.

Bed Friend reminded me almost of Tharntype? But like good. I think the execution was great and NetJames definitely has some of the best chemistry in a year chock full of good chemistry. They're great in Middleman's Love too.

I Feel You Linger In the Air is Tee Bundit at his absolute best. He's great at blending genres together. He incorporated horror brilliantly into simr and I love how he leaned into the historical and time travel aspects of this historical time travel romance. There was some really cool things with the directing and the acting from Nonkul and Bright was great too. Me finding out Nonkul was doing a bl was probably how everyone else reacted back when news broke that Nanon was doing BBS. He's one of my favorite actors.

Moonlight Chicken ofc is near perfect. I loved seeing older queer people in a romance with Jim and Wen and the contrast to Li Ming and Heart was great. Not to mention the family and social dynamics and the way the show addresses Beam and Jim's relationship. The only complaint I have is that the lack of physical intimacy between Jim and Wen in the middle portions of the show and near the end felt weird considering the content of the show but even then, it's a pretty minor complaint and everything else about the show is great.

My School President is definitely the one I was most engaged in fandom for. And the only one I was waking up early every morning to watch. (and i'd watch each episode like 2-3 times too). The social media/shipping stuff at the end was fumbled a little bit but I loved the parents in this show and the friend group and tinngun. I still can't believe Fourth and Gemini were like 17-18 when they filmed this. They're both excellent actors. Oh MSP also had the best Our Skyy episodes btw. I'll die on this hill.

Midnight Museum I'll discuss later on too but it was fun. I liked how intentional they were with the cameos where it purposefully gave the actors roles that were completely different from anything they've done before, especially with Tu, Bright, and Nanon. The worldbuilding was also fascinating. I know someone here was making a timeline for it and they mentioned it was a damn pain to figure out but like kinda in a fun way? The decision to make KathaDome a bromance is odd and I hate it and I hate the implications for gmmtv but other than that it was good.

Be My favorite was way better than I ever expected from Jittirain. I do have to say that my experience was marred by the fact that I was constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, just from my experience with her shows but it didn't which was a pleasant surprise. I liked how they handled Aye's character and Kawi's growth.

I didn't think I'd like Enigma because I don't like Win but it was good. The supernatural/horror genre mix won me over. Also Prim is in this and i'm very weak for her. Win was nowhere on her level but he was more tolerable than I expected. I'm annoyed that she's not going to be in season 2 though because she's the main character?? GMMTV needs to understand that the draw of this show is Prim and not Win.

Only Friends. What a divisive show. I went into this wanting mess and drama and with the aim of not having any other expectations and for the most part, I succeeded. This show brought out the best from everyone in the cast, like genuinely these were some of the best performances that any of these actors have done. Absolutely stellar. Storywise, it was pretty good and very unique in terms of thai bl and gmmtv until that last bit with Boston and Nick which felt malicious and just mean compared to the neutral lens that the show had been portraying the other characters with. Watching it was pretty fun though and again, most of the story was really good so I guess i'm allowing it some grace.

Shadow isn't a bl but it is queer and I appreciated most of what it was doing with the historical horror suspense elements. I think towards the end it definitely was way shakier and I don't understand why they made some of the decisions they made but I really liked the first 3/4 of the show. Fluke and Singto are obviously good too, even though they're both way too old at this point to still be playing high schoolers.

The Warp Effect had the distinct vibe of a PSA and Gigie and Fah should've dated but otherwise, it was a fun watch, I think. I liked Alex's character arc, I liked everyone's character arcs honestly. On my notes, I wrote that the ending was a bit flat so points off for that but it was good.

A lot of these are from GMMTV which when it was good, was incredible and when it was bad, I usually was decent at avoiding them completely

The worst offender from Thailand that I didn't avoid is Tee Bundit with the double hit of Step by Step and Show Me Love. I think people far more eloquent than me have written a lot about sbs so I won't say much but like I almost refrained from watching IFYLITA because of how hurt I was by sbs. And Show Me Love was just like offensively mediocre which hit worse at the time because I had just watched Something In My Room and IFYLITA beforehand and made the mistake of having expectations from Tee. In my defense, Tee's usually good at writing engaging characters and casting for good chemistry so I had no reason to believe he'd fail here.

Hmm what else. Oh actually, brief mention of Nanon's filmography this year since I checked out all of it and he tends to be so good even in mediocre shows that I can't help but be intrigued.

Hmm what else. Oh actually, brief mention of Nanon's filmography this year since I checked out all of it and he tends to be so good even in mediocre shows that I can't help but be intrigued. Dirty Laundry by JoJo was excellent. It was a little hard to get into because i'm not a fan of the genre but i loved it. Also Film and Nanon are a fun pair and I think they get better with every showing. UMG actually was mediocre despite the great cast and I want better from Nanon so I dropped it. Namtam and Milk's characters should lowkey have gotten together though. In Midnight Museum, Nanon's a side character (which i honestly forgot was something gmmtv let him do) but he fucking KILLED it. He played three roles here and all of them were new for him and you could tell the guy was having a blast. I can't say it's some of the best acting I've seen from him but that's only because when Nanon is good, he's always this good. Oh and also, Nanon and View in MM is the best chemistry he's ever had with a girl. Our Skyy, there's not a lot I'm willing to say publicly about all that but Nanon even at half-effort is still better than half of GMMTV's stable. The Jungle was a terrible mess but Nanon was so excellent in it that i'm still writing essays about Nannam and Nanfah months later. Nanon and Mild as a pair were also excellent and the only ones that made it out of this show unscathed. The rest as I said, is a mess but one that could've been somewhat redeemed by making Mix a vampire. (this might not make sense but like watch Mix's performance alright he's trying sooo hard to be shady and mysterious and they never let it go anywhere) My precious was a fairly run of the mill movie with excellent acting. As a plot I think it's a little thin for a show but i'm interested to see how they'll stretch it out. Hopefully the longer runtime means the friend group can be fleshed out a little bit more.

Korea

Well that ended up not being all that brief but moving on, I thought Korea would have more on a showing because I remembered watching a lot of kdramas but turns out most of the kdramas I watched were from previous years so, only 18. A very dramatic drop from Thailand's 35.

The best of these included The Eighth Sense, Our Dating Sim, and Welcome to the Lesbian Bar with Sing My Crush being ever so slightly underneath. I would rec Lesbian Bar to literally everyone, but especially those who enjoyed MLC. It's got that same queer family focus with the central relationship being this baby lesbian and her lesbian aunt. Out of the not queer stuff, My Perfect Stranger was an excellent time travel romance, The Glory Season 2 was better than all the other season twos that came out this year, and

If Korea produced anything too egregious this year (outside of Taxi Driver and Uncanny Counter's season 2s) I missed it. But out of the ones I watched, the most disappointing was A Shoulder To Cry On, followed rather distantly by Bump Up Business, both for very different reasons. I will say though that whatever is wrong with Tae Hyun in A Shoulder To Cry On is very appealing to me in the same way that Tae Joo from Where Your Eyes Linger was except like a weaker version.

China

I once thought i'd never touch a cdrama again but here I am, having watched 3 whole traditional length cdramas this year. The other 7 are almost all from the Legend of Yunze's catalog because I love their content. The best by leaps and bounds was Nu Er Hong by Legend of Yunze. I think it's my favorite out of everything they've made. The studio's really started to figure out their pacing and also this one was fairly dark and dark gl- dark anything really- is right up my alley. A flower for 3 lives and Seven Gods of Joy by the same studio had great concepts but shakier execution. Stepping outside of them, A league of noblemen was probably my favorite traditional cdrama but Mysterious Lotus Casebook was fun fandom-wise since people on tumblr were watching it.

I think the only show i'd classify as bad is probably My everlasting bride which I watched on a whim. Under a miscroscope started good and then ended boring so overall averages into mediocre. This wouldn't be a crime anywhere else but I expect good pacing from my cdramas.

Japan

I liked pretty much everything I watched from Japan this year so imma go with my worst off which was Jack O' Frost. This is more on me than on the show itself because the concept just squicked me out a lot more than I expected it to. Badly enough that i've blocked the tag.

On the best of, I don't even know if I can choose. Hmm, Bokura no micro na shuumatsu, Kimi ni wa todokanai, Kinou nani tabeta s2, both the My Beauitful Man installments, and Taikan Yoho. Ahhh, and Tokyo in April is... Welp well turns out I couldn't actually choose. This was pretty much everything I watched.

I didn't think I'd like Bokura no as much as I ended up liking it. And I don't know if I would've liked it as much if any other country had produced this show. But it was achy and wistful and I fell in love;.

Kimi ni wa todokanai though was hands down my favorite from Japan and I don't even like friends to lovers. It also helped that they, mostly Yamato reminded me a bit of Kageyama and Hinata. Like I know it's just common character archetypes but also, it's kagehina core, yeah? The bed scene where Yamato yeets Kakeru onto the bed was both hilarious and just well done. I liked the way Yamato wrestled with his desire.

I watched Kinou Nani Tabeta s2 just a couple days ago since I was waiting to binge it and i'm glad I wasn't watching this weekly because it would make everything else I watch weekly dull in comparison. Honestly would watch 100 seasons of this. It's perfect.

My Beautiful Man S2 and My Beautiful Man: Eternal were both solid. I think mbm s1 had tighter pacing but week to week, I enjoyed s2 more. For some reason I didn't write notes for either but I do remember liking both so.

Taikan Yoho. If not for the kghn vibes from kimi ni wa, this would be my favorite. Like their dynamic and just the layers of it and how it presents itself in the language of the show is just so tailored to my taste. I think I wanted just a little bit more from them, but what I got was excellent.

Philippines

I only watched four and somehow, it's perfectly split into 2 gls and 2 bls. I really do like pinoy stuff and the way they write relationships but I don't watch a lot of it because I don't know a lot of people who track it and also because most of it is on yt and i don't like the yt interface. But out of what I watched, the best was The Day I Loved You and Stand-In Love.

The Day I Loved You did a good job in handling the love triangle and Eli's illness. I'm not sure how I feel about the ending but it was still good.

Stand-In Love is about 2 best friends who are in a 'stand-in' relationship with each other where the straight one is helping the lesbian one learn how to court a girl but then they end up falling in love. It's like 20 minutes long, it's fucking adorable, very well done for the amount of time it had.

The other two things I watched was Tie the Not and Lei and Mar. Tie the Not is basically just pinoy Wedding Plan and I find that I don't care for the concept. Lei and Mar is a cute friends to lovers that for some reason ends in a car crash. Like it started out really cute and then bam, car crash out of absolutely nowhere. Just, why?

Taiwan

Kiseki: Dear to Me was fun and I liked the cameos. It was a funny experience for me though because I consumed a lot of this show via gifsets but I never actually read the synopsis and whatever the hell I thought this was about was decidedly not it.

Fall For You - it's tragic, it is but I laughed

Stay By My Side reminded me a bit of Hikaru No Go but I can't tell you why. It's more cute domestic fluff than plot but I watched it twice so clearly I didn't mind too much at the time. Plus, it has ghosts and i'm a sucker for supernatural stuff.

You are mine was a mess and I think I watched up til the penultimate episode. What is it with office bls this year?

[olderthannetfic]

heya, this is the anon that salted about edelgard fans who get defensive of their fave to the point of romanticizing imperialism, and kind of replying to the other anon.

you missed the point of what i said.

i never said anything about dimitri and somehow you attacked with the assumption my fav is dimitri (my fav is claude btw). red herring, but go off i guess.

imagine playing crimson flower (or even scarlet haze in 3 hopes) and finding things that could fit in the history of your country. the wars that we never asked all because some powerful country out there decided they were blessing us with their superior culture. imagine hearing edelgard's constant insistence for the greater good, and things will be better. when i live in a country that is still hearing from the still bleeding wounds of colonialism and imperialism.

playing edelgard's routes genuinely upset me, but i had two other routes i could play that would let me enjoy the game. so i did. and i also know people like crimson flower and like edelgard and that's fine. we all have different tastes.

what i don't agree is when people aren't mindful to what they say for the sake of defending their blorbos. imagine, for one second, what it looks like if you talk to a fan who is maybe not british or whatever nationality that doesn't have a history of being colonized (and mayhaps have a history of being the colonizer), and you tell them that edelgard did nothing wrong. you equate her tragic and complex personality to being absolved from all wrongdoings. you dig in that hill, and you will die on it like bernadetta on the flaming platform.

and so you got two fans hurt. one thinks you're a white supremacist, the other assumes you hate edelgard. and so nobody talks. only debates. nothing is shared. only fought.

at this point any fan of the house leader is overly defensive. if someone doesn't like claude, you're racist. if someone doesn't like dimitri, you must be an edelstan. if someone doesn't like edelgard, you just like dimitri to dick you with the areadbhar between his legs.

i don't like yuri because he's too much of a twink for me, but i'm sure there's some morality reason for it in the fandom space. i must be a *throws dart on board* aelfric stan and ship him with *throws another dart* count rowe while also supporting *last dart* aristocracy and rhea's dragon tits.

i wish people stopped being defensive and enjoy their barbie dolls. all their barbie dolls. let people share their barbies without having some goddamn debate happening. exchange clothes. cut the hair. do make believe with funny voices.

i wish dimitri artists weren't harrassed because they like drawing dimitri. i wish dimitri fans wouldn't plot their own harrassment war on edelgard fans because of this ""travesty"" or whatever the fuck. yeah, philosophy and social issues are going to be discussed. it's a game with war and politics. just be mindful and not defensive. talk about things but for god's sake please make sure not to trigger or squick a fan while gushing because you're too focused on showing your barbie is the prettiest.

i wish i could share racist and dark fucked up colonialism headcanons on the world of fe3h because it's a comfort for *me*, a southeast asian who grew up with the colonial mentality of western countries being better and we should thank them for conquering us.

but i can't share these headcanons (besides a few irl friends) because people would think it's an attack on edelgard because how dare i unromanticize crimson flower. or that i hate claude for projecting that and i'm racist. or use it as a "gotcha!" moment to dunk on dimitri because "hey he supports monarchy and the church, and they're components of colonialism! why don't you talk about that? hmph you just like his looks"

so it's exhausting. and i'm okay with playing with my barbie dolls alone or with a group of two. but i wish i didn't have to

--

[miraofhearts2point0]

In honor of Foundations turning one today, I'd like to take everyone on a walkthrough on all the religious symbolism, as well as double meaning behind it.

Spoiler warning: a lot of it can be traced back to Saint Jehanne d'Arc.

Obviously, the entire song wasn't about her, but knowing Gerard and his love for her, it's not too surprising that some of the lyrics match up with St. Joan's story.

So, let's talk about it!

"See the man who stands upon the hill; he dreams of all the battles won. But fate had left its scars upon his face with all the damage they had done."

(I'd like to re-emphasize that while I agree with the more discussed meaning -- you can't wallow in the past forever, no matter how traumatic, as it'll only hurt you more in the end-- I'm looking at the song through a strictly religious lense; and one that focuses on St. Jeanne, specifically.)

Jehanne had witnessed her country be at war with England since she was little.

She was well aware of it, and had even witnessed an Burgundian attack on their village of Domrémy when she was around the age of sixteen.

All through that, she waited for a miracle to save France; but the miracle was her.

The last lyric could also be about her fate as military general, leaving literal scars on her from what the English (and English supporters in France, who I will be grouping with the English for the rest of this essay), had done to her; specifically, shooting her with arrows on two seperate occasions.

"And so, tired with age, he turns the page, let the flesh submit itself to gravity."

"Let our bodies lay; mark our hearts with shame; let our blood in vain; you find God in pain."

Jehanne had her first vision at the age of thirteen, and only began understanding what it meant at the age of sixteen, shortly after Burgundian troops ran amuck; where she fully allowed herself to become one with what the Lord had told her to do by heading to Vaucouleurs -- where her Aunt and Uncle lived -- to convince Sir Robert de Baudricourt to allow her to meet "Gentle Dauphin" (her own nickname for the then-king) Charles, so she may begin her military campaign in Orléans.

She, unfortunately, was turned away for nearly a year before her newfound friends were able to convince him to let her go.

And so, she went to Chinon, performing her first miracle by identifying the Dauphin in disguise within a crowd; Dauphin Charles, soon to be King Charles VII, granted her to go to Orléans where she soon joined generals: La Hire, Gilles de Rais, and Jean de Dunois in the city.

Jeahnne, along with most of her army, believed in God and the Bible; but they are still in the military.

They had to kill others if it meant surviving.

The soldiers are begging God to let them get into heaven, even if it's just in vain. Being pitied by God is a much better fate than an eternity in hell.

The last part though, isn't really about the army, but could still work: those who died on the battlefield die in pain, and then meet God shortly after, as He took their plea for forgiveness, and allowed them into heaven.

However, I like to see it as involving Jehanne.(There will be a lot of references to her death within this post btw.)

Jehanne d'Arc was burned at the stake at the age of nineteen for witchcraft, heresy, and so much more.

Her last (audible) words were in the form of a prayer, calling out for Jesus Christ. In the face of death, and admist her pain, she had "found" the both of them in the end.

"Now, if your convictions were a passing phase, may your ashes feed the river in the morning rays. And as the vermin crawls, we lay in the foundations of decay."

Jehanne wasn't considered a witch for very long, only a few years after her death was she called a martyr by the Catholic church.

The convictions she faced in court were a literal passing phase.

Not only that, but she was burned at the stake; her body turning into ash after three times, which the English disposed of by throwing her remains in the Seine river.

The people who murdered her were still alive, acting as though they didn't kill an innocent teenager for nothing.

Jehanne's family, on the other hand, were too focused on her death to continue the fight like she would've wanted.

Her brothers, Pierre and Jean, even went as far as latching onto a woman who claimed to be Joan, even though the real Joan was long dead by then.

"He was there the day the towers fell, and so he wandered down the road. And we would all build towers of our own, only to watch the roots corrode."

Throughout her travels as an army general, she became close with King Charles VII, who even ennobled her, and her family.

Her main goal was to protect him, and escort him to safety so he could be crowned the new king of France.

Her single motive was to protect her country, and yet, it was her country who betrayed her in the end.

Once she was captured, the Duke of Burgundy sold her to the English, where she was put on trial and ultimately killed.

Charles VII did nothing to help her in the end either, as he wanted to make amends with England, so Jehanne was alone fending for herself where she was assaulted and subjected to mental (and near physical) torture.

"But it's much too late, you're in the race. So we'll press and press 'til you can't take it anymore."

But even then, Jehanne was persistent. She attempted to escape the prison multiple times – once by jumping out of her 21-foot tall tower and living – but ultimately failed. (Which was something that was used against her faith in court.)

She was also supposed to be guarded by women of the church, but instead was "guarded" by Englishmen; who allowed a well-respected English Lord to sexually assault her. She fought back, and he eventually left before it could escalate.

Jehanne was always more comfortable around women; when given the chance, she'd prefer sleeping next to women than men-- but she did have few men she was comfortable around.

Even after she had initially signed a paper saying she was to not discuss her visions or crossdress while living out the rest of her life in prison, the men who held her trial were quickly called to come back to the prison, where they found her dressed in men's clothing once again; so she was put to death.

She did say that she would've gladly worn dresses if it meant she could attend mass (which she hadn't been able to see), but the fact she was forced into a prison with only men more than likely had something else to do with it.

"Let our bodies lay; mark our hearts with shame; let our blood in vain; you find God in pain."

[See previous]

"And if, by his own hand, his spirit flies, take his body as a relic to be canonized. Now, and so he gets to die a saint but she will always be a whore."

(i adore this part btw it's THE best my chem lyric idc!!)

This one is more metaphorical. Because obviously, the only one in that courtroom to be canonized was Jehanne, meanwhile, no one even knows her murderers names; unless you're super into the case of Jehanne d'Arc.

But at the time, the English and French kings were seen as heroes; in their lifetimes, for the most part, they were seen as the good guys, while Jehanne was seen as a heretic.

"Against faith! (Cage all the animals!)"

Many of her murderers claimed to care about her, and they just wanted the best for her, ehen in reality, the English caged her and her brothers in seperate cells, who they deemed to be a danger.

By imprisioning, and ignoring everything Jehanne said about her visions, the church was going against their own faith in God.

"Against all life! ('Cause the message must be pure!)"

The English and the Church putting her to death is one of the huge things that God should be against; killing people. Obviously. (It's kinda funny imo that whenever someone murdered someone in the Bible their punishment was...also.. to be murdered? But oh well.)

Especially those who have a direct order from Him to fulfill a task; anyone who gets in the way of that task will not have a pretty fate.

The only reason why so many people went along with her execution was because they marketed it as being a good deed– "it's okay if we do this because we won't have to worry about losing this war anymore."

"Against change! (You can wander through the ruins!)"

One of the main reasons Jehanne was killed was because she wore mens clothing, which goes against the Bible.

However, the church failed to mention that the Bible states crossdressing is okay, under certain circumstances; which Jehanne fell into.

She was still murdered for her religious beliefs, and for her ideals in general, but the main reason was because she wore armor in order to protect herself from battle, as well as from the men she was leading.

"We are plagued! (But the poison is the cure!"

Jehanne d'Arc was both the poison and the cure.

The poison against the English, as her persistance was something that both sides hadn't seen throughout the entire war.

And she was the cure for the French for the same reason.

The plague, on the other hand, was the war itself.

Any form of plague is known to last for a long amount of time, sometimes, without having a way to fight it for even longer.

This is the same case here.

It took ninety-two years for Jehanne to, basically, pick France up from its bootstraps and start to cause serious damage to the English.

"You must fix your heart."

As stated previously, Jehanne wasn't supposed to be put to death originally.

She had signed a paper that said she would not continue to speak about the voices she heard, and she would go to prison for the rest of her life.

That was considered a moment of weakness for Jehanne, as only a few days later, she was back in her armor and stated she had another vision from the same saints as before.

I see this as St. Catherine of Alexandria, St. Margaret of Antioch, and St. Michael The Archangel during that time telling her that it'll be okay as long as she still has full faith in the Lord; which she did.

Those Saints were there to guide her, which also meant being herself and doing the thing everyone hated her for.

"And you must build an altar where it swells."

As she waited for news about what was to come, Jehanne still prayed, and found ways to worship God despite her situation.

As tensions only continued to rise, she never lost her faith.

"When the storm it gains, and the sky it rains, let it flood, let it flood; let it wash away."

Again, I see this at those Saints during that vision telling her to allow that fear to take over for a short period of time, as it will help her become stronger in the end.

"And as we stumble through your last crusade, will you welcome your extincion in the morning rays?"

"And as the swarm it calls we lay in the foundations–"

Jehanne's last battle was getting to that stake.

With a mirtire listing off her convictions, she was lead and tied to the wooden stake in the middle of Rouen, where Bishop Pierre Cauchon began his homily. She was fairly calm up until her address, where she broke down.

She knew that soon, she would meet those who guided her through her journey, and she welcomed everyone with open arms through her fear.

The "swarm" here is Archangel Michael, Catherine of Alexandria, Margaret of Antioch, and God Himself calling out to her as she burned.

They all led her through those battles, and in her death, finally were able to accept her as one of their own.

"Yes, it comforts me much more. Yes, it comforts me much more. To lay in the foundations of decay."

Again, personally, I see this as Jehanne's brothers finding comfort in thinking their sister is still alive, even though they know she isn't.

They were both captured alongside her, and yet, they like living in ignorance instead of facing that harsh reality.

"Get! Up! Coward!"

This time, it isn't any of the Saints Jehanne saw telling her to keep going.

I see it as Jehanne herself telling the people (more than likely, her brothers) she led to get up and continue fighting; they almost won, they were so close.

So, they did.

"I believe firmly what my Voices have told me, that I shall be saved; I believe it as firmly as if I were already there." -Saint Joan Of Arc.

The French continued fighting until Bordeaux surrendered, marking the French victory, which was won only twenty-two years after Jehanne's execution.

Not only that, but her prediction on what would occur seven years after her trial came true: King Charles VII created the Pragmatic Sanction of Bourges, which means that no trial can be held without the authority of the Pope.

Meaning, Jehanne's trial couldn't have been held unless the Pope wanted it to happen. She had requested that the Pope at the time be contacted about her trial, but was denied because of how long it would've taken.

She would've been forty-one at the time the French came out victorious.

[zero-braincells-left]

could you describe in depth what ur camp camp fic ideas/headcanons are? you don’t have to but i am intrigued.

ty for asking! at last, an excuse to talk about fic ideas I’ll never fucking write!!

(I feel like everything I’m writing sounded different in my head, but after actually writing it down- why)

so first up, my hc for what happens after camp

no dadvid au, sorry :/

I just don’t think it’s realistic, yknow? and we’ll get into what I think Max’s home life is like later!

but anyways, obviously school comes into play sooner or later- now, for sake of convenience, let’s assume they live in a place where middle school is grades 6, 7, and 8. (Where I live it’s only 7 & 8).

now in my hc Max’s birthday is somewhere in late summer so he’d be 11 right in time for middle school. now with all my hcs for camper ages, this makes Max & Nikki 6th graders, and Neil, Harrison, Preston, and Nerris 7th graders. Dolph is in 3rd grade, space kid in 4th, and Ered & Nurf in their first year of high school.

now, once again for the sake of convenience and “because I said so”, maybe the schools kinda in a smaller town and the school doesn’t have a lot of kids, so they kinda put all the grades together??

does that even happen in real life? no clue, but it’s fucking happening in my au

now I hadn’t thought about this until right now but,, ugh the flowerscouts and woodscouts exist- ok-

Sasha, Erin, and Tabii are 8th graders. Jeremy’s in 7th grade, Snake’s in 8th, Petrol and Pikeman are in high school. if I ever get around to writing a fic im going to ignore the existence of the woodscouts tbh

aLSO, David’s a teaching assistant (specifically for an English class, don’t ask why) at the middle school!

Gwen works as a waitress at a cafe in the town.

ok

that’s ig the setting

also one of the campers made a group chat consisting of max, Nikki, Neil, preston, Nerris, Harrison, and Ered. as discussed in a previous post, I don’t think dolph, space kid, of Nurf have phones

hc time!!

first up: max!

unrelated to most of this but I feel like his first name is indeed Max. his last name is Well. Max Well. i do not think we’ll ever get confirmation on his name so unless it is specifically said otherwise I will accept this as canon. this is a hill I will die on, thank you for coming to my Ted talk

anyways, home life (btw I go off on several unrelated tangents during this so. warning)

hahah

i don’t think his parents are abusive tbh (well, depends on your definition of abuse)

i think the worst physically they’ve done is what most family’s would consider discipline, nothin very excessive tho (personally I do think physical discipline should be considered as abuse, but I am just some dumbass spoiled kid so I’m not the best person to comment on this)

i think they’re just neglectful and a bit emotionally abusive

i think they honestly just don’t really care about him, he just kinda keeps himself alive

idk man

next: Nikki and Neil because I don’t have many opinions on them

imo nothing comes of Carl and candy’s relationship, that was just a one time thing

that’s all the Nikki and Neil related hc I have. that’s it. ok

Preston time!!

ok so when I used to use wAtTpAd I once saw a hc that Preston lives w his grandma, as she’s his only direct relative that is accessible/alive ig

which then brought up the question of “what happens after she dies”

(that may or may not be one of the only few times, if we’re talking about the fic, that i’d actually have an oc be relevant)

ok anyway

lastly: Harrison! :]

you better believe I’ve thought a shit ton abt him. and oh boy do I have an angsty af home life for him

it seems a lot of the fandom decided he kinda got locked away in his room for most of his life and at first I didn’t like the idea but

now that is part of my hc

i think he is locked in his room, so that he “doesn’t hurt anyone”

the door is unlocked when his parents leave for work in the morning so he can go to school and then come back, and the door is locked once one of his parents gets home

they do (semi-regularly) just,, slide some food in the room

they don’t really check on him so a lot of the time he’s there he sneaks out the window to go do basically anything other than be in his room (this, again w the non-existant fic, will normally lead to some shenanigans w the performance trio out somewhere)

i don’t really have opinions on any other characters. and I think we all know damn well that if I write a fic it will end up being Harrison-centric no matter what I try to do

that took so long to type

as my friends would say, “oh god they’re writing another fucking essay”

anyways I didn’t check this for spelling errors so heh mb if there’s any

[sparatus]

for the choose violence ask game: 10, 12, 17, 22 and 23 please!!

choose violence asks

yesss YESSSSS

10. worst part of fanon

answered here

12. the unpopular character that you actually like and why more people should like them

okay listen this place is sparatus and desolas propaganda central so let's do somebody else. have i explained why we should all be fucking nicer to my dad han'gerrel vas neema recently

like nothing pisses me off more than how people talk about gerrel because it always comes down to that stupid dreadnought and the ren interrupt to punch him in the gut (WHICH SHOULD GET YOU FUCKING SHOT BTW) but like. there's more to his character than that?? the gerrel we meet in me3 is RADICALLY different from the one we talk to in me2 and everyone just kinda seems to forget that cause they're too busy peacocking about how cool they are for telling the admiralty board to leave tali alone and punching a superior officer in the stomach

in me2 he's actually the admiral who's SYMPATHETIC and doesn't want to exile tali, he likes her, she's one of his own (they're both neema crew!! he's her commanding officer!!), and she's the daughter of his best fucking friend, you and tali can get him to talk about his pilgrimage with rael and what the two of them were like as dumb impulsive teenagers and it actually seems to help him cheer up a bit. he's soft-voiced and just seems really sad in 2, probably because, y'know, his best friend since before pilgrimage is presumed dead. yeah he and rael went to different ships but it's likely a career thing, and obviously they've stayed close if rael's daughter who he didn't spend much time with knows they're besties. he was probably visiting the rayya frequently to come say hi to his best friend. tali should have referred to him as uncle gerrel just like raan is auntie raan and he should have recused himself from the trial i'll die on this hill

and yes i can absolutely defend his actions in me3 i'll fight tooth and nail about it but i've already written those essays before, and i'll posit: his best friend died researching geth and trying to find a way to retake the homeworld. now they're fighting geth for the survival of their race. deep-rooted emotional tie and investment in winning the battle for his best friend who didn't get to see the day come anybody. me3 starts 6 months after the arrival dlc he hasn't had a lot of time to adjust to his best friend being dead i know i'm reading way more into it than bioware did but listen. i'm right.

also i have him as gay and married to an oc aerazl'xala and also he's raan's son but headcanon isn't relevant in discussions of canon reasons we should appreciate a character

17. there should be more of this type of fic/art

any character that's not normandy crew yes i know i, Professional Niche Character Propagandist, am biased but like there's a whole universe outside the normandy guys. also fic that actually explores the consequences of shepard's actions instead of just rolling with the power fantasy

22. your favorite part of canon that everyone else ignores

hmmm is it too obvious to say the comics?? cause it's the comics. and not just evolution either, tho obv the captain of the desabrudas raft has an inherent bias, redemption is also a personal favorite outing, tazzik is actually one of my favorite niche characters who gets no attention. giant bastard

23. ship you've unwillingly come around to

i mean obviously AviTis you bastard. but also honestly aria/tevos for the sheer political juiciness of it, no romance just manipulation and ambition and maybe some old bad feelings

[elliemyrah]

My GF's thoughts on SRMTHFG S1

So my girlfriend has been watching Srmthfg with me whenever we have time and its just a fun time. Especially since I'm not a person who will defend this show with every fiber of my being, anymore. So I can enjoy the bad writing and moments with her.

She was very sweet to even watch this with me and has been going on a trippy roller coaster. At times she'll lose track of the setting or get too lost in the music forget about the plot entirely. Sometimes it's just my fault cause I talk to much and I tend to talk to the fictional characters like I just showed my girlfriend extended family lol. Anyways let's just start.

Uhh actually disclaimer: This is for fun and Im just sharing this cause this was interesting to see what someone being introduced to this show reacts. She's also someone who has read and studied animals almost all her life. She's very critical when animals are involve, like me with television. But uhh yeah the monkey sounds really get to her. Like she is put off guard everytime.

-First off the bat Antuari, Oh boy! lol The moment he came on screen she just had questions. "Why does the black monkey have yellow eyes? Why is he voiced by a black voice actor?" (My gf is African American btw)

I laughed at this and took note to this. I already warned her lot about this show before watching so this was just added info that I could use. But I believe Antuari is her least favorite in the team. Not because of what I stated before but that she doesn't care for his personality.

-Otto though is her favorite, who's surprised though hehe. She loves his nature and his energy. Basically he's a lot like me so she loves him lol. But yeah we just laugh at this sweet green bean and want to pat his head

-Nova Though she doesn't say much about her whenever I do bring her up she just says she's too cool for this team. So i think I can say she likes her

btw I wanna address I didnt ask her questions for this review. I wanted to just enjoy this show with her without her feeling like she had an interview afterwards. So this is off memory and yes she gave me permission to write this.

My gf likes Gibson but she's never been a fan of shows having the brainiac characters say very stereotypical smart guy language. She also agrees that he is very gay and his weapon is super useful.

Sprx-77 now is an interesting one. She started out disliking him cause of his "asshole" personality. However starting after ep 4 she changed her mood immediately. Which was cool to see.

We also are already 3 eps into S2 and her favorite episode of the whole show so far has been 'World of Giants' which I knew she would like. That episode was funny ok, cringe isn't a word I use to critic work yal just don't like to have fun.

Anyways when we discussed his character, she simply just liked how he treats Chiro like a kid. He lets Chiro skip patrol to watch shows, asks if he needs help, and is normally on his side.

Honestly i feel like when Chiro joined the team Sprx was against it cause he was in fact a child but didn't have much of a say in the matter or Chiro was too stubborn to take no. So Sprx just tries to relate and understand him the most. Sprx is Chiro's dad not Antauri, I will die on this hill!!

Chiro is constantly being made fun of by my girl. She just can't stop mentioning about his head being so wide it's funny! lmao

Jinmay - She knew she was a robot right away but jumped when Soko started to speak lol. She doesnt care for Chiro/Jinmay's relationship which I fight her about lol.

Mandarin - Another monkey she felt was racist right away but she thinks he's threating. She was really interested in his villain role and wasn't disappointed til the season finale. We also both agree that him and Antuari are exes lol.

So the finale uhhh we were watching it and most through all of the 2 episodes she just said, " Yep this was just an old transformers movie but like mediocre." I facepalmed so hard. Dammit Ciro!

So yeah she likes the show. It's nothing she'll talk about for hours but I never excepted her to be into it in the first place. In fact I never intended to show this show anytime soon but she wanted to watch it with me. And I simply couldn't be happier. So I'll watch whatever anime she puts in front of me despite disliking 90% of animes.

That was it, thanks for reading.

[capsized-heart]

l’ incendie

Pairing: Hal x Reader

Summary: You grew up as witness to the atrocities committed under the British crown. Lord Grey is your father and newly pledged councilman of the royal court. Now, England has a new boy king, one who is set on keeping peace in Europe. You are determined to see England burn, even if it means corrupting the lionhearted boy of Eastcheap.

Word count: 10k+

Warnings: explicit smut, strong violence, sacrilegious imagery a blowjob in a chapel lmao

A/N: l’ incendie ; French translation for fire

..so..I watched The King back in November and have had this idea in my brain for the past 2 months now?? It literally consumed me. All throughout my last few weeks of classes and final papers, this is honestly all I could think about, like I’ve been bumping the soundtrack and rewatching the film to plan this, I looked at Lord Grey’s true lineage (he aint Scottish btw I made that up..but he really was related to King Edward lol).......I’ve just had to get this out of me for so. long. and I’m so happy that I finally have! It feels like this huge weight is gone, but I’ve enjoyed this creative process so much, like it’s so exciting when you hyper-fixate find a new piece of media that you enjoy so much that you dive completely and utterly into everything about it that you can get your hands on, and this is my piece for this!

And my boy Timmy?? Had no fucking clue who this guy was before I saw the film, now I’m writing fics about him a;sdkfjskj but you’re here reading this so. we’re both guilty.

I love story arcs like this where you see a character’s slow descent into corruption and having it revealed that someone was talking in their ear the whole time....i eat that shit right up. Reader’s character is heavily inspired by Lady Macbeth. Using wiles, using sex, etc. Ooh baby. I had fun with this. 

gif credit to @michonnegrimes​ 

Scotland was once your true home. Moors, lochs, rugged mountains, biting cold, all. You remember the endless mist and gloom, the wet winters of your childhood that made the creaking wood of your cottage whistle and moan. Summers were warm and mild and the highlands bursting with rich green and sunlight, running through fragrant fields of heathers, bluebells, myrtle with your skirts damp with dew, shrieking and choking on laughter as your older brother, Callum, chased you all throughout your little village of Kirkcaldy. Laughing himself, grabbing at you and wrestling you down into the mud, blossoms, and river water.

“Yield! Yield to the English crown or perish, wretched witch!” Callum would boom in mock play, tickling your sides until you’re gasping for air and tears stung your eyes.

“Aye! I yield!”

“What? You mad girl! Take it back! We are Scots!”

And then Callum would descend on you with all the wrath of England and you’d be howling with giggles and screams.

Returning home at nightfall smelling of wind and rain with vibrant wildflowers tangled in your hair and dirt streaking the skin of your cheeks, still plump with baby fat. Scarce food, but stomach full of adventure and blissful naivete. You were happy. 

Your father would scold you promptly before his voice would soften a touch, smoothing back your hair from your face. Round, curious eyes and missing teeth. A feral, untamed child. 

Daughter of Lord Thomas Grey. His precious girl. So much of your mother in you, the same fight, the same spark and love for life. Until you had ripped her body from the inside out and she had lost too much blood, the wet nurses unable to stop the bleeding and she had given her last breath cradling you lovingly against her naked chest.

You had killed your own mother. 

In your early years, Callum and your father gave you nothing but warmth and protection, the sole surviving daughter of Grey lineage. But a child can only be sheltered for so long. Your world is a man’s world. Your country is no stranger to bloodshed. 

The Anglo-Scottish Wars have endured for as long as you can remember, rebel leaders beaten down by English captains and more Christian blood staining the lush lowlands with every day. Robert the Bruce. Percy Hotspur. Blood all the same.   

You are bleak, wild, uncivilized in the eyes of the English. 

It’s all your people have ever known. Weary, resilient Scotland. 

You have no memory of your mother, your earliest memory being the image of William Wallace’s torso strung up in the village square and the ensuing riots that had truly put the fear of God in you, mounted soldiers and civilians clashing in a fury of slick, gory steel, longswords and blacksmith daggers, a fear so raw and primal it struck you frozen and you’d soiled yourself in the midst of chaos. Callum had grabbed you and raced the four miles home as you bellowed atop his back with great, ugly heaves, snot and tears dribbling down your chin. 

You didn’t need to understand the politics of rebellion or Wallace’s stake in it all to understand a massacre. 

You have no memory of your mother, only murder in the name of the English king. 

But you’ve learned to nurture that little glowing kernel of survival, of the fighting spirit and grit inside you that had evidently cost your mother her life. You’ve kindled it, watched it ignite with every passing year of war, your body flourishing into the figure of a young woman with embers in her soul. A stable simmering of flushed coals beneath your skin, glistening in the pools of your irises, ready to flare up and burn all you touch should you choose to. 

You feel it now as a jostling carriage takes you to Northumberland, England. You sit quietly, watching the hills of Scotland tremble by, eyes hungrily drinking up as much of its strong landscape as you can.

Your father and brother have already gone ahead to England to make arrangements for Callum’s recent engagement to Isabel, Countess of Essex and only daughter of the Earl of Cambridge. You are reuniting after a lonely week, perhaps your last, to ever see your homeland. 

Callum’s betrothal didn’t come as much of a surprise, rather, you’ve been counting down the days until your village lifestyle was doomed for inevitable change; for years, your father has been preparing the two of you for noble life outside of Scotland. Son and daughter subjected to the arts of chivalry, proper etiquette, gentility. The best that your little village could accommodate.

Your father and his maternal ancestry have interestingly long influenced the English courts, as his title of Lord would suggest. Through his grandmother’s side, you are distant descendants of Margaret, Duchess of Norfolk. 

King Edward himself. Now cold and buried in London’s Westminster Abbey. 

The coals jump, flames twisting at the idea of relatives long dead sitting idly on the opportunity and resources for a coup d'etat, instead choosing to line their own pockets and watch your country crumble from the comfort of their English estates. 

The carnage and murder of monarchy feel that much more personal to you. 

With your brother’s new marriage, Callum will acquire lordship and be gifted property in Essex. Your father will be secured a seat in the king’s council. You will be given rooms and hospitality in the castle as a noblewoman available for marriage. As Lady Grey. 

A lick of fire coils up your throat. 

God save the king. 

**

The switch cracks so hard against the skin of your knuckles that your lip draws blood when you bite back a scream. Pain diffuses up your arm in fractured, ringing jolts and your eyes flood with hot tears. You hazard a look at where an angry welt has already started to flush, red and pulsing on the back of your hand. 

“Again.” Says Miss Hunt.

Your gaze falls to the open manuscript in front of you, to the passage that you’ve rehearsed aloud for the past two hours. Your tongue works nervously in your mouth, swallowing. Sweat glistens your brow. You think you may even be trembling. 

You draw in a quick breath and begin again:

“Time and tide wait for no man.

The life so short, the crafts so long to learn.

People can die of mere imagination.

And gladly wolde he lerne, and gladly teche-”

Another crack and this time you can’t restrain the cry that leaves you. You blink back the heat blurring your vision, set your jaw when Miss Hunt clasps her hands coldly behind her back and looks down at you over her hooked nose. 

“Your voiced consonants are absolutely horrid, girl. Don’t close up your mouth. If you are to perfect the King’s English, you are to completely forget that savage dialect before I cut out your tongue. Am I understood?”

Miss Hunt gives you a smart swat to your cheek.

You nod quickly. 

Another stinging swat.

“Am I understood?”

“Yes, Miss Hunt.”

Satisfied, she turns on her heel, granting you a few precious moments of quiet, of rest. Afternoon light filters into the chamber in dusty, silvered shafts, hueing the book’s pages in a drab of diluted grey. The inked words of Chaucer bleed back up at you as you settle your breathing. 

This English sits like gravel in your mouth, low and rough and choking up your throat. Sharply iambic, as if everyone is talking down to the other. 

England’s English sounds slow and stupid.

You wonder if Callum had this much trouble mastering the accent. You wonder if Callum, as a Lord, has ever been slashed with a switch.  

Since your arrival to England and for the better part of a year, Miss Hunt has dissected every syllable of your speech through bodily punishment and repetition, ripped out any trace of Gaelic, any remaining trace of Scotland on your tongue and sutured it back together with mouthfuls of Chaucer and pompous, exaggerated vowels. 

But pain, degradation, and humiliation are wonderful motivators. And to your horror, it has worked.

Your father recently introduced you to a few councilmen out of courtesy and as the sister of the soon to be Lord Grey of Essex. You politely discussed politics, entertained banter and jests of marriage proposals. None questioned your status as an English noblewoman. 

Masquerading with voice and poise. 

But that hasn’t stopped your secret, unseen resistance. 

Miss Hunt may have taken your language and cadence, but her practices have only shown you the true powers of speech, knowledge, shown you just how intimidated and afraid all of England is of the bold north, of any European empire threatening its legitimacy. 

A cowering dog with raised hackles and snapping teeth, but only so out of mad fear. 

The harder Miss Hunt pushes, the deeper you dig into your own studies. By day, you are her sole pupil. By night, by candlelight, you are the pupil of Cicero, studying rhetoric and the power of spoken influence. You’ve also begun to study French as a means to bolster your wiles and mental arsenal. 

You are already a so-called savage by blood. Learning the language of England’s arch rival will do nothing to hurt your reputation. 

You feel a bead of sweat slide down the base of your spine as the switch swishes impatiently in Miss Hunt’s clutches. Oral recitation and the simultaneous reduction of your accent demands every ounce of your concentration. You know already that if you are hit again, the skin will break and you’ll only be reprimanded harder. Miss Hunt is sadistic and cold with her beady eyes and that ugly high starched collar.

“Again.” Her voice clips evenly.

So, you inhale a strong, supportive breath and begin again, pushing down the smolder in your chest.

**

The day of the wedding is cloudless and full of sunshine, a rarity for England. Callum has been bustling about the chapel’s back rooms in nervous energy all morning, fixing his hair and dress shirt over and over. You send your father to go and calm him down as you tend to Isabel, shooing him away quickly so your father’s mirrored jitters won’t affect her before the start of the ceremony. She gives you a small smile of thanks.

Isabel looks beautiful sitting in front of the mirror as her maids finish arranging her hair. Back straight as a board, plump lips and cheeks the color of a rosy, coral pink. You help to pull the veil over her face and the thin fabric does nothing to mute her radiance.

You see the flickering range of emotions in her eyes as she sees her own reflection. The life that all women are fated to live. Her last moments of true freedom, uncertainty for the future, and that small, significant trickle of vanity at having a perfect day of her own. 

You see it all. After all, you are a woman. 

She relaxes a bit when you lay a comforting hand on her shoulder. Her gaze finds yours in the mirror. 

“You and I will soon be sisters,” she laughs softly. You give her a pleasant smile.

“I would want nothing more.” 

Her throat works as she swallows tears, gives you another radiant laugh. “Someday, you will be sitting here, too.”      

The truth of her words causes your smile to weaken, but you quickly hide it by busying yourself with her skirts and lace. Your world is a man’s world, even outside of war-torn Scotland. One man’s world, to be exact. 

King Henry IV.     

“And I expect you, my dear Isabel, to be at my side when that day comes.” You say to her. She nods kindly. 

Your brother and Isabel are married a few hours later beneath the rainbowed, iridescent wash of stained glass and chiming church bells. And as the newly wed couple beam at you and their close company of friends and family, as you see Callum hold his wife proudly on his arm, you think that the bride and groom may truly love each other despite their arranged marriage. The possibility of such a happiness makes you grin wide and the familiar coals to simmer down ever so slightly.     

The reception then moves to the chapel’s outdoor gardens. Ornately trimmed hedges, chirping birdsong, bubbling marble fountains, and the sweet fragrance of daisies and roses perfume the budding spring air. 

The sun is warm on your skin, the air brisk and comfortable. You keep your fur lined mantle draped around your shoulders, your embroidered sleeves catching hints of daylight, the jeweled metalwork glittering about your waist. And with your hair twisted with ribbon and pinned back with a light linen caul, even Isabel herself murmurs that you look as refreshing and incandescent as the flowers surrounding you. You smile back teasingly, whisper that no one could possibly compare to the blushing bride. 

As sister of the groom, you mingle politely, accepting congratulations and kind regards.  

You see familiar faces, lords and fellow council members alike, and some of those not yet well acquainted. You meet Cambridge, Isabel’s father and a bird of a man. Gangly limbs and a flittering that accompanies his quick movements, but cordial and gentle. He tells you the union of your families will be prosperous, benign. You agree.  

Then, Cambridge is pulled aside by a young man. Cambridge seems to recognize him instantly and clasps him into an embrace, chuckling heartily.

“Hal! You made it!” he exclaims. The two talk together briefly before the young man turns to you. 

He’s tall and lean, broad chested with sloping shoulders. The angular planes of his face are undeniably handsome, a strong nose, full dark lashes and brows that frame his bold complexion. Black, unkempt curls and soft, hooded green eyes that hold an undertone of vigor, like his very gaze has commanded attention his entire life. They flicker over you quickly, as if you’d imagined it yourself, a trick of the light. 

You don’t miss the way they linger at the exposed dip of your neckline, however.

“Aren’t you going to introduce me?” He then asks of Cambridge, his voice a soft murmur and his eyes never leave you. 

Cambridge looks quickly between the two of you, as if acknowledging your presence again for the first time since this young man’s interruption. He burns bright red, stammering, then gestures to the stranger beside him.

“Of course. My lady, may I present my cousin, Henry. Prince of Wales.”  

The suddenness and sheer absurdity of it all almost makes you burst out in laughter.

Cousin? King Henry IV’s eldest son is the cousin of your father-in-law? 

With this marriage, you realize your family is now tied to the most powerful family in all of Britain. Yet, no one in the wedding party seems to have even acknowledged the presence of the boy prince dressed simply in dark cloak and tunic.

And then you remember. Prince Hal is a drunk, a dangerous playboy from Eastcheap. His claim to the throne is as illegitimate as the probable dozens of children from his bedded girls. 

And asking for a formal introduction from his cousin? It’s utterly laughable, pathetic even.

Hal’s gaze is unwanted, skin prickling from where his eyes trace the curve of your chest in a way that makes you feel vile. 

So, you wet your lips, pretend to wordlessly accept his flirtations and give him a slow flutter of your lashes. The reaction he so craves from you as his chin tilts back in delight, hungry to see more. 

“Your reputation precedes you, my lord.” Your words drip with venom. Flowery girl with a serpent’s sharp tongue. 

The barb makes Hal’s features tick in surprise, shock before settling back into a cool demeanor. 

“Then you’ve heard of me.”

Your mask of amour stays firmly in place.  

“It is hard to be deaf against such defamatory gossip.”

Hal hums softly with a hint of a smile, breaking his gaze to look out over the reception, ego obviously bruised. Cambridge goes pale as a sheet.

Isabel suddenly swoops in with the apology of wanting to introduce her father to a newly arrived guest and excuses him, hauling him away by the arm. Cambridge looks relieved to go.

And then it’s just the two of you beneath the halo of rose-tinted light. 

“Beautiful ceremony.” He says simply. Hal is incredibly soft spoken for a prince and you find yourself unconsciously leaning in to hear him speak. Part of the intimate charm that makes him so alluring to women, you think. A whispered promise only for you.   

“I thank you, sire.” 

He takes a step forward. It startles you, enough for him to crowd you against the garden trellis wall. Ivy and lavender press into your back, dancing in the same breeze that peppers goosebumps down your spine. You shiver softly. Hal steps closer.

“I pray this is not the last of today’s festivities?” His words ghost over your throat, tickling the shell of your ear. 

“No, sire. There will be a dinner tonight,” you reply just as quietly. You understand the game perfectly because it is the same one you have been playing your whole life. You indulge him, fire sparkling behind your fluttering eyelashes. “Surely your cousin will be expecting your attendance.”

Hal leans over you, hair tickling your face, green eyes glimmering. Up close, you see that freckles and beauty marks dot his skin. “I’m sure he will.”  

You think you see him incline his head as though to kiss you. For a moment, you’re frozen, entranced. 

You turn your cheek and his lips brush your temple. He hesitates with a low chuckle, keeping his close proximity.

“Then, I will see you tonight, my lord.” You whisper. Your fingers graze his arms as you sidle out of his reach. You can feel his eyes on you as you go and rejoin the other guests. 

You leave him burning. 

**

The tavern teems with merriment and the sound of fiddle, fife, and drum. You feast on broiled meats, roasted potatoes, greens, sweet breads and cakes until your stomach is full to bursting. 

 The glow of candlelight is lush and sensual, throwing shadows over the faces that only hours before you had shared with in prayer and communion in the church of God. Now, every attendant indulges in debauchery.

You’re drunk, blood pounding with mulled wine and spiced ale and cider. Pleasantly warm and head swimming, watching Callum and Isabel and friends and family dance about the room as if possessed, twirling in swirls of colored fabric that make you laugh and clap along in breathless euphoria. 

You catch a glance of a figure standing in the doorway. You see the motion of a glass moving to lips, throat working to swallow drink. When the glass falls, you lock eyes with Hal.

You beckon him forth with a crooked finger. He grins wickedly and sets down his cup. 

Despite the obvious wine in him, his steps towards you are sure and true and his hands feel good against you when they caress your waist, pull you against him.

You play coy and twist out of his arms. He groans. 

He follows you like a dog until you’re in the midst of spinning bodies and then you turn to him. Giving him the permission to finally touch you.

His eyes ignite. He splays a hand on the middle of your back, perfect pressure, authoritative, the other gripping you tight and then you’re both cackling with drunken mischief as he guides the two of you across the creaking wooden floor. 

You let him support you, lean against his chest, enjoying the sensation of being held so close. The thrill of feeling wanted. 

Even if it is all a charade. 

The strings and beat of thumping drums careen to a crescendo that has the entire tavern whooping and hollering in delight. You break apart from Hal to join in as the music flows through your limbs, absolutely enchanted, throwing back your head like that feral child from girlhood.      

Hal looks just as wild, the rumored wayward prince. Long, dark locks falling in his eyes, tunic unbuttoned and disheveled. Light and shadow dancing across his face in a manner that makes him look devilish.  

He pushes a glittering goblet into your hands, eases his strong fingers around your own to help bring it to your lips. You see the unmistakable red slosh of wine and wordlessly drink. He watches you tip back the goblet, watches rubied jewels of crimson spill down the sides of your mouth and down the skin of your throat.   

“That’s it. That’s a good girl.” He cooes. 

The flames feel desperately hot, flushing your skin and cheeks, burning bright behind your lips. Or perhaps it's the alcohol? Or the prince’s wandering touch that now seems to be cupping your breast, tongue lapping at the trails of wine…

The heat is suddenly too much and you push away to a secluded corner filled with empty tables to catch your breath. Hal slumps beside you. His head lolls, dipping to press another whisper of a kiss to your jaw and his weight feels comfortable against your side.

You don’t know what comes over you. Perhaps you truly are possessed.

You turn into him and then your hand is reaching between his thighs. 

Hal exhales sharply in your ear. You harden your touch, feel him widen his stance to accommodate you. He braces an arm behind the small of your back, supporting himself on the space of the wooden bench as your fingers slip below the waistband of his trousers. 

He gives a strangled sigh when you grip him tight and begin to coil your hand. His head lolls once more, nuzzling into the crook of your neck, panting, bursts of hot breath fanning over your throat. You feel your own breath quicken, feel yourself getting excited.

You mesh your other hand into his curls and pull him closer, press your body flush against his. Hal moans, keening, his arm now around your waist. You shush him quietly, tightening the hold in his hair.   

To any patron, you look as though you’re only consoling a drunken boy, simply talking in the muted light. The shadows hide you both but the flames shine in your eyes.     

“Enjoying the festivities, my lord?” You sigh into his cheek. 

“Please don’t stop..” Hal whimpers. 

You chuckle through a half-lidded gaze and work him harder. It’s delicious, erotic. 

You hold all power, all of England in your delicate grip. 

You watch his mouth fall open, dark brows furrowing, feel him tense against you before the eldest son to the crown spills himself onto your fevered palm with a sharp gasp, chest heaving.  

“Good boy..” you murmur with a cheshire smile, running your fingers soothingly down the line of his jaw. Hal shudders with aftershocks, eyes closed, forehead glistening with sweat. 

Before he can attempt to try and reciprocate the favor, you wipe your hand on his cloak and stand to fetch another drink. 

**

You avoid Hal afterwards and don’t see him again for the remainder of the night. You think he must have gone home with another girl to satisfy himself and it makes you smile knowing you are responsible for laying that trap, for letting him taste pleasure, driving his desperation and taking it all away just as easily. 

Your brother and Isabel spend their honeymoon in London before returning to her home in Essex. They write to you, informing of their safe arrival at the new estate and that you will have to come visit in the very near future. It warms your heart. You already miss them terribly. 

Soon after, your father is awarded the scarlet, fur-trimmed peerage robes of the House of Lords and with your new rank, you experience the privilege of wealth for the first time. 

Rich foods, dresses and flowing silk skirts, cosmetics, more books and manuscripts than you can imagine. You glow with health, beauty, pride, and sharpened wit.

But you have not forgotten your burning flame. Aided by money and status, your little light only grows stronger.

**

King Henry IV dies of sickness on a warm March morning. It had only been a matter of time, the stubborn man had been calling your father and the other lords to his bedside for the past several months to continue to discuss the politics of his own wars. In his dying breath, Henry IV saw that his empire had fallen to civil strife. 

Court and kingdom are called to witness the coronation procession and as you stand with the lords and ladies of the crown inside Westminster Abbey, inside the church containing the tomb of your distant descendant King Edward and the generations of his forefathers, the same Gothic abbey where British monarchs have turned men into rulers and tyrants, you watch the archbishop anoint Prince Henry of Wales with holy oil. 

His curls have been trimmed clean, his bare skin and body presented to be blessed with the sign of the cross. All old ritual, old prayer and Latin incantations that have been performed for over a thousand years.

So what is a new boy to wear the crown?

Beneath the arched stone cloisters, baptized in the sunlit streams of stained glass, you watch that same ceremony unfold again with burning heart. And harmonized by the tolling of bells, Hal is dressed in royal robes, regalia, scepter and all, shedding the title of prince as you all pledge homage to your new King of England.

“All hail King Henry.” The archbishop calls out to clergy, God, and country.  

“King Henry!”

**

Neither you nor Hal feel the heat of embarrassment when the court is ushered into the dining chamber and you meet again in candle and firelight. The feast is an intimate setting, shared by the company of Hal’s new council, clergymen, and close family. Your father is seated alongside Cambridge, Chief Justice William Gascoigne, and the archbishop; even his sister, Queen Phillipa of Denmark, is in attendance.

Hal’s appearance and demeanor is surprising to you.  

He looks striking, handsome as ever in his new robes and you can sense that familiar aire of charisma and confidence you remember from the wedding as Lord Chamberlain presents gifts from the monarchs of the world. A jeweled vase from King Wenceslas of Bohemia, a trinket of a mechanical bird from the Doge of Venice. Hal is jovial, good humored and merry. 

The presence of his cousin and sister seems to comfort him greatly. And rightfully so, considering he now sits on the throne of his dead father. Dead as well is the alter ego of the delinquent prince.

Like a spoilt child opening wrapped packages at Christmas. The privilege of royal blood. 

When the final trunk is presented, a gift from the Dauphin, you quite nearly let out a low snicker. 

A ball for the boy king.   

You see Hal hesitate before picking it up and the silence throughout the chamber is long, uncomfortable. The entire court seems to be holding its breath. Yet, you know there is an aspect of truth to the Dauphin’s gesture. 

A boy indeed. You recall Hal’s touch and him gasping into your neck, his muffled begging, how quickly he had finished in your hand…

Then, the cool magnetism returns to his features. He locks eyes with you and you wonder if he is thinking of the same moment. You are both proud challengers, wielders of personal charm. 

You wonder how long it will take to break him completely.    

There’s a glimmer in his gaze you think to be from the blazing hearth as he tosses the ball once against the chamber’s stone wall, then catches it deftly with youthful poise. 

**

After the coronation dinner, the court is dismissed and you find yourself to be one of the last remaining patrons as guests trickle out into the adjacent hallways and disperse through the rest of the castle. You deliberately hang back, watching your father, Cambridge, Phillipa, and William slip through the doors, slowing your step so that Hal can catch sight of you.  

“Lady Grey,” you hear. His voice is galant, hushed with that same temptation of seductive promise. With your back still facing him, you can’t help but smirk. 

You feign surprise and turn.     

“Yes, my lord?”

Hal beckons to where he stands by the fireside. You gather your skirts and join him in the welcoming nimbus of light and warmth. When you bend to curtesy, his fingers find your chin, tilting your eyes to his own and forcing you to rise to your feet.

“None of that is necessary, my dear,” he whispers. He keeps your face cradled between thumb and forefinger, a delicate pressure, one that makes you feel precious as he holds you close. “Tell me, did you enjoy tonight?”

“Immensely.” You smile. Indeed, you have. The Dauphin might as well have spoken on your own behalf.  

Hal hums, pleased. His thumb brushes the corner of your mouth, then eases in between the petals of your pink lips. You purse them ever so slightly and watch his self-control start to simmer. The candles burn low around the two of you, the only source of light emanating from the hearth itself. You are reminded of how the shadows flickered on the planes of his face the night of the wedding. Now, you see the same shadows again, but as king.  

“I want you to have something.” He says finally.

He looks reluctant to break his touch from you, but you see his hand disappear within the folds of his robes. He then produces a glittering pendant with a golden chain, a necklace that looks ablaze.

Amber, you realize. 

The surprise that crosses your features is genuine. Baltic amber set into teardrop sterling silver and gold, a gift from Rupert of the Palatinate and the kingdom of Germany. An extraordinary piece.

Hal’s hand finds your waist and you turn to offer him your bare neck, pulse pounding. You have no say, no power to even deny this token of affection. 

His caresses against your skin as he fastens the chain are soft and featherlike and you can feel his breath on the top of your spine. The pendant is heavy, rich with precious stone and gilded metal, settling between the valley of your breasts. It feels cold, but shines like an inferno. 

He lingers, tracing your shoulders when his mouth presses to your ear. 

“Turn. Let me look at you properly.”

When you do, the weight of Germany itself, of foreign and fallen kingdoms and countries, conquered and pillaged and burned, simultaneously settles between the tender skin of your sternum. 

Hal’s eyes cloud with dark delight when he sees the flaming amber. He takes your chin back in hand, angling your face every which way, studying how the firelight glints off the pendant with a sensual curiosity. 

“Beautiful.” He murmurs. 

Your body begins to react on its own accord, chest rising and falling with faster breaths, your cheeks blooming. 

“I thank you, my lord.” 

Still cradling your jaw, he brings himself closer with only a whisper between the two of you. His crimson robes seem to swallow you completely, like the gaping maw of Britain’s lion, a mantle of blood. He speaks into the gap between your mouths, yet you feel every word upon your lips.

“With this gift, I expect to see you more around my court, Lady Grey. Am I understood?” 

The tension he commands is unbearable. He watches you carefully, dark eyelashes fluttering. Trapped like a pinned butterfly. Then, you understand he’s waiting for a verbal response. 

“Yes, my lord.”

He releases you.

The pendant suddenly feels more like a collar. 

You’ve underestimated Hal. He is just as much the player as you.

**

You keep your promise. You see Hal daily in passing, often dressed in full regal attire as he comes from the council chambers, your father, William, and the rest of his train tailing close behind. The twinkle in his eye when he sees you is discreet, reserved only for you. The amber pendant remains fastened around your neck at all hours of the day, even while you sleep and bathe, like fire and ice between your breasts. A piece of Hal always with you. 

The two of you are a queer, twisted pair of sweethearts. You’ve yet to be fully intimate since that wedding night, but the pressure that ripples with every fleeting glance, every grazing touch of lips and skin is enough to prove your attraction for each other. Or rather, the attraction to the game. 

You keep Hal on his toes, never fully give in even when he invites you out for evening strolls in the palace gardens and the safety of darkness envelops you both. It is your nightly ritual to walk the grounds together amongst hushed breezes and chirping crickets, you as a means to unwind before bed, and a way for Hal to clear his mind of the day’s tolling demands. 

And tolling they are. Despite his bravado, he is easily irritable, tense. You listen when he speaks to you plainly about his frustrations for the court and archbishop, how they all expect from him the same swift retaliation of his father. 

You find Hal’s consciousness of this want to break tyranny quite curious. Sons are typical to idolize their fathers and see past faults. It is why you know how cruel kingship has endured in Britain for generations; learned behaviors become expected and change more difficult. You’ve even seen that same behavior in your own brother.

And Hal’s trust in disclosing even this to you is telling. The thread to unravel the boy king.

Tonight, you dare to pull at it, heighten your girlish wiles and offer him a lingering kiss and soft words. You tell him that Christendom is damned and tease that it’s his own fault his council is made up entirely of old, graying men, your father included, when he could have anyone else.   

Hal’s spirits seem to lift a little with a ghost of a smile, understanding you perfectly as his arm snakes around your waist. He pulls you into a secluded labyrinth and settles into the stone seat of a fountain, pulls you atop his lap. The kiss he returns is fierce. 

Without the burn of alcohol to subdue your senses, every touch is intensified tenfold. Hal feels it too, his breath coming ragged as he breaks the kiss to mouth down the skin of your neck, the dip of your collarbone, your chest. His hands wander beneath your skirts.

“It is only polite that I return the favor..” You hear him say.

Your mind is reeling. You knew this moment would eventually come, yet you feel ill-prepared when his fingers brush your core, his other hand gripping the back of your neck. You gasp, finding his lips in another tangled kiss, straddle him completely. 

It’s strange, exhilarating to be on the receiving end of your little game. 

If you are to truly break Hal, you are to first make him believe that he holds any sort of power over you, to reverse that dynamic you had set the night of your brother’s wedding. 

You are to let him touch you. 

And like the flaming sword of Raphael, Hal’s pendant, it is time to finally draw upon your fire. 

You hate how good Hal is at this. He knows just where to caress inside you, the right amount of pressure, the weak spots at your throat and just below your ear. Your competitiveness takes over and you push him back against the fountain, start to circle your hips, grind yourself down on his hand and grip at the rich fabric of his tunic to better anchor yourself. 

His eyes pool with lust with every sigh from your lips, watching you closely. He rolls his thumb, picks up the tempo of his fingers, relishing the sight of you slowly falling apart on top of him.  

But it isn’t enough. You lean in and wrap your arms around his neck. He responds in tandem, gathering you close as you rock against him, the friction of his thighs sending you closer and closer to that threshold of pleasure. 

“Please..I need t-to…” you whisper into his neck, into his mouth. 

Words of magic. Hal’s expression flares with masculine pride, the delight of pleasing a woman. 

The last of the day’s golden hour spills over you both in glowing, peached splendor and with the sound of the fountain’s rushing water as your only witness, you muffle your final moan with a desperate kiss, bliss pulsing behind your eyelids. Hal keeps his fingers where they are, coaxing the last waves of your orgasm out of you, cradling your chin with his other hand as his lips part yours, slipping tongue as you come floating back down to earth.

You’re dazed, flushed, lazily kissing when he removes his fingers. Slick when you suck them into your mouth and taste yourself. The velvet of your tongue makes him shiver.

“Now, what ever are we going to do about your council, my lord?” You murmur once you catch your breath. You gently kiss his fingertips.

Hal only smirks and pulls you to him.

**

Your plan begins to take motion. With each passing month, you worm your way deeper into Hal’s heart with honeyed words and empty promises. He confides in you more and more as he grows wary of his councilmen, trusting only the pretty face he sees in the privacy of his bedchamber each night. Graced against silk pillows. 

You sense the crushing pressure upon him, his own doubts and fears. You slowly leech away his magnetism, his charisma, and take it for yourself. His eyes dim, harden with resolve. Gone is the assurance for peace. Hal instead grows cold, timid, questioning his every move. 

You only burn brighter.  

**

There is talk that a French assassin has breached the castle.

You hear the conversation for yourself when your father and William are called down to the dungeons, hear Hal speaking directly to this assassin as you linger at the top of the stone staircase. 

“Qui êtes vous?”

“J'ai été envoyé par le roi de France pour vous assassiner.”

Hal’s voice is cool, calm as he pries for details. The assassin’s responses are noticeably vague. You infer it to be out of his own self interest. 

Then, nothing. Days go by with no direct action from Hal.

You grind your teeth. War with France would be the perfect fruition of your schemes, the final act in a tragedy deemed to be an epic of British monarchy. War with France would show Europe and the rest of the world the extortion and murder of the English crown; not that these neighboring countries needed such a reminder. But England and her king have been blind for too long.

Previous attempts at quelling war had caused Percy Hotspur to rebel, Prince Thomas of Lancaster to push on and die alone on foreign soil. 

Is Hal not trying to prove himself in this same way? Proving he is not like his father? Just as Thomas had wished for his peers to see him as a commander and better equipped to bear the crown despite being the youngest son, is Hal not guilty of this same charge of public approval? 

And having the privilege to sit idly atop a throne amidst all this makes your blood boil. Idleness is instability, you’ve learned this years ago. 

You will be the one to push Hal to war.

**

You are sewing one afternoon in an empty chamber when the strained voices of your father, Cambridge, and William reach your ears. Hushed and argumentative, it draws you to your feet, possesses you to lean against the frame of the door and just out of sight.

You hear the disgust in your father’s tone when he speaks of the king. The weakness in forgiving France, the lunacy of Hal’s ascension. It amazes you, grips you tight at hearing such passion and loathing; you’ve never heard your father speak this way about anyone, let alone the head of England’s monarchy. Slander and defamation carry swift punishment. 

You learn that he and Cambridge have been approached by French agents. The three men debate quietly as you stand against the door, nearly panting. A coup d'etat? The idea excites you more than it should. But you perish the thought quickly before you can get ahead of yourself.

Why only approach the two of them? Surely to turn England’s people against their ruler, a greater number of conspirators would prove to be more efficient? You know distrust is not uncommon among Hal’s council, so possible traitors would not be hard to find.  

This approach means your father and Cambridge have been judged weak in character by the French. Insecure, lacking, most likely to bend at the knee for candied prospects in exchange for loyalty.

And now as you eavesdrop on your own father, you know Lord Grey does not have faith behind his king and is too afraid to do anything with it. You know that if you had not gathered this knowledge for yourself, you would never have been told so, unseen as all women are expected to be.

These French agents and councilmen think they hold all power with their debates and their meetings in private, oblivious to the fact that it is women who move the world. Women like you, wielding their very sex to push these men as pawns. 

Are men not born into this world by women? Do men not seek a woman’s tender embrace for love and comfort and to carry on long, unbroken lineages of royal blood?

Your own father, as all his peers, are blind to the influence you bear over Hal. Even Hal himself. 

**

You find yourself in the king’s private quarters one cold night, sitting in front of the hearth and watching the crackling, shimmering flames that warm the room. The soft silence is comforting to you as you sit bathed in orange glow, wrapped in furs and waiting for Hal’s return. 

Your mind wanders. You think of the French assassin still held captive in the dungeons beneath your feet, how the man had been granted asylum in exchange for a confession. 

“Quel était le l'ordre?”

“Que je devrais tuer le roi d'Angleterre.”

And with the French approaching Cambridge and your father, it is certain, undeniable that tension is thick and stakes high for all of England. 

You are standing on the very brink of war, standing flush at the edge of a swallowing cliffside with dragging winds and dark, inky waters swirling beneath you down below. Waiting to embrace you, like the jagged shores of St Kilda, the northern shores of Scotland. Calling you home like a siren’s song. 

And Hal only needs one final pull before you both fall together. 

The chamber door opens and the king steps inside. His presence is stormy, like a cold wind blowing into the room. 

He’s dressed handsomely in a navy tunic and dress shirt, a mantle that drapes over his burdened shoulders. Yet, his hair is mussed and disheveled and you can see the tightness around his eyes. His once youthful glow now gone, but a sharpness to him that you think resembles a pike; diligent, wary, and still capable of hurting you if you’re not careful.

You pretend to quickly wipe away tears before you stand to greet him. Hal sees this and his brows draw together in concern, further contorting his expression into one of pain. He comes to the fireside.

“Good evening, my king,” you say as he takes your hands.

“What upsets you so?” he asks you directly. His voice is strained, sets your pulse aflutter more than it should. You give a small, breathless smile, a shake of your head.

“Nothing of your concern, just innocuous thoughts, my lord. Let us go to bed.” 

But you do not move in the direction of the luxurious canopied bed, one you have grown intimately familiar with. You stay exactly where you are and let Hal’s mind race.

His fingers grip your chin and when you meet his eyes, they’re bold and smoldering, the first touch of life in them you’ve seen for sometime. His grasp is strong and a muscle ticks in his jaw.

“Speak freely to me. Please,” he whispers. “Of all people. My dear, speak true.” The last word falls like a plea from his lips. You suppose it is one as he pulls you closer. A boy desperate for truth, constricted and poisoned by a council of vipers.

Unknowingly turning to the girl with the pretty mouth as she pours poison into his ear. 

At this, you bite your lips and summon tears that spill forth, pool your vision. You let the familiar sensations take over, the shortness of breath, the depleted posture, and pretty soon you’re trembling, weeping in Hal’s arms.  

“This assassin. It frightens me,” you say finally, broken. “If he had fulfilled his order and taken you from me, left me here all alone…oh, Hal. I’m so afraid.” 

His thumb circles your cheek, silent. You sense that dangerous cocktail of anger and darkness simmering just beneath his skin. Anger at the world, anger reserved for his dead father.

“France means to have you killed, Hal. Then what of us?”

Us? England?

Tears drip down your neck and onto your rising chest. Where you’ve left the first clasp of your blouse carefully unbuttoned. You press yourself to him ever so slightly, look up through tear-soaked eyelashes and embered iresis. 

“Then what of me?” you whisper.

Hal’s lips are crushing against yours. You feel every ounce of his anguish, every bit of tension wound tight in his frame, every doubt, every fear. You feel the restraint as he cradles the back of your neck, his other hand finding your waist as he pushes you flush against him. The dichotomy to feel love, to feel comfort and safety and to relieve and dispel just a hint of the pressure building inside him. The dichotomy to conquer, the urge to channel this animosity in a way he must be familiar, to ravish you completely. 

With your bosom rising and falling so sweetly, eyes glittering with tears, looking almost divine with firelight circling the shine of your hair in a golden halo, you watch Hal’s walls collapse. You let him succumb to that mirage of safety and warmth, to ease his conscience. You will both get what you want, eventually. 

You break apart to kiss the line of his throat, his pulsepoint, where you know he’s weakest. Hal gasps as you thread your fingers through his curls, bring your lips to his ear in a soft lull.

“May I have you tonight, my king? Completely?”

His response is immediate, yet wordless when he tilts back his head and feels your mouth against his jugular, the hand at your waist tightening. 

At last, you lead him to the bed with the intent of christening it. 

He pulls you atop him, helps you unthread the bodice of your nightgown. Despite the blazing fire behind you, the air chills your shoulders, your chest as you slowly expose more and more skin, finally letting the thin fabric pool around your waist. The feel of his bare hands cupping your body fuels you, act as your catalyst. Soft, firm. 

The amber necklace swings like a golden pendulum when you stoop to kiss him again, his fingers ghosting over the skin of your back. Hal’s desires are plainly stated as you feel him harden against your inner thigh.

There is no time for coy deception tonight. You make quick work of his tunic, leave his trousers and instead unfasten and pull him through, positioning where he wants you most. Hal is already nearly panting.

You arch as he settles inside you, a biting stretch that has both of you sighing when you bury yourself into the crook of his neck. Something long-awaited. You stomach the discomforting pressure and set a rhythm, one that has Hal cursing into your hair.

“You must protect the women of England, my lord,” you whisper. “Who will do so if you are gone?” You punctuate your point with a well-timed swivel of your hips and Hal moans low and guttural. “Your wives and children. Can you protect me?”

Hal’s arms wrap around you, nearly choking on pleasure. “I will. Anything for you. Please...” 

Unseen by him, you grin. You can practically hear the crashing ocean waves, to feel the quench of water at long last! You think you could make him do anything in this moment with how enthralled he is in bliss. 

You sit back and Hal’s hands glide over the smooth expanse of your stomach, watching his eyes grow dark, the amber pendant swinging between the two of you. The discomfort in your belly is gone and you start to mirror Hal’s pleasure, head falling back, sighs growing louder. 

And as the two of you finally fall from the cliffside and towards the waiting waters, Hal gives a soft cry, vision rolling and you feel his heat spill onto your inner thigh. You kiss him until the strength drains from his body, a true succubus as Hal at last descends into sleep, relaxed. 

You have the king’s word. 

**

You awaken the next morning to find the bed empty and cold. Surprised, you dress alone and return to your chambers to call for your breakfast. When you send for your father to share his company, the servant returns and tells you Lord Grey is currently engaged and his presence cannot be requested.

“A meeting, you mean?” You ask the servant rather crossly. Why must everyone speak to you in riddles? You obviously did not sleep much the night before and had trouble long after Hal had finished, like a slumbering babe beside you. Typical.

Your mood sours further in that you won’t be able to share this meal with your father. You despise spending mornings in solitude. It seems like it’s been ages since you’ve last seen each other in private, with no councilmen lurking about.

“No, my lady,” the servant stammers slightly, the words stumbling out of his mouth. “Lord Grey is condemned and is forbidden from taking meals before tomorrow morning.”

“What?” You growl at his vagueness. Your anger and irritation rise hot and fast and you’re tempted to hurl the glass cup of strawberries at this blubbering young fool. 

“Lord Grey and Cambridge await execution tomorrow morning for treason, by order of the king.” 

Your world stops. You send the servant away with a ghost of a whisper.

When the door snaps shut, you laugh mournfully. So the gossip had come to naught. Hal had indeed kept his word. Your stomach turns in nausea. Food is suddenly the last thing on your mind.

You rush to your writing desk, overturning bottles of ink, hands shaking when you retrieve quill and parchment, attempt to pen a desperate letter to Callum with a fevered hand. But before you can draft a single sentence, your blood turns cold.

You have not heard from your brother, from Isabelle in weeks. Have your worst fears already come true?

Glass and fruit explode against the far wall.

You tear out of the room like a bloodied banshee in search of Hal, fingers tinted crimson from cut glass and mashed berries. 

And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and

cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee

that one of thy members should perish, and not

that thy whole body should be cast into hell.

One of Miss Hunt’s chosen passages from the book of Matthew comes crashing into your mind. You are like Eve, you think. Bearing the burden of Original Sin with lust and curiosity. You have tasted the fruit and have seen the evils of mankind. Never in your wildest dreams could you have imagined your plan backfiring so horribly. 

Now, hellfire awaits your father, for you when you draw your final breath your last day on this earth. Suddenly seeming to loom that much closer. 

You approach Hal like Samuel’s ghost did to King Saul on the eve of war, the Philistines instead of the French. Interchangeable, cycles of warfare that have dawned for milenia and will continue until the end of time.  

He looks terrifying, colder and more severe than you’ve ever seen, outfitted in those horrible blood red robes that one coronation dinner long ago you had once thought he looked becoming. 

You know with one wrong word you could be joining the two men to die at first light. Your mind races. 

“My lord, to think my own father had been plotting against you sickens me,” you speak slowly. The sentence stings like venom in your mouth, damning your father. Hellfire burns brighter. But it is the only way you can protect yourself. Your grisly appearance, your quick breaths, it is all to sell your story. “May I accompany you tomorrow morning as witness?”

Hal’s lips twist into a hint of a smile, the shadow of his former self. “Of course, my dear. Lord Grey may have failed his fatherly duties as protector, but I will not.” 

**

And so, with your hands wrapped in fresh bandages and stitchings, you stand in a courtyard with wind whipping around you, the only Christian woman among councilmen and knights as you watch your father lay his head upon the chopping block. His hair has been shaved off to ensure the killing blow will be swift and true. Shivering, pale, and damp with sweat, he looks like a ghost. Soon, he will be one. You want him to see you in these final moments, for him to know that you will utterly destroy this king, but you cannot risk the danger. 

Like the coronation, Latin prayers are recited, only this time they are prayers for your father and father-in-law to find peace in the afterlife. The last time you, Hal, Cambridge, and your father had shared company like this had been at the wedding. You know now that Callum and Isabel are truly dead. In the blink of an eye, Hal has slaughtered your entire family.

Weary, resilient Scotland.

You do not cry. You must show your loyalty.

“Requiescat in pace.”

Weak, fragile as Lord Grey starts to whimper aloud. No daughter should see their father, their protector through girlhood, like this. 

The axe glimmers in the sunlight and is brought down with deadly precision. Your father’s head rolls grotesquely off of his shoulders in a wet gurgle. His body is shoved aside and Cambridge is pushed onto the block next, now slick with fresh blood. 

Neither you nor Hal flinch.

**

You are now fatherless, Hal, kinless when you enter the neighboring chapel alone. You sit in the first pew respectfully, head bowed as Hal crosses himself and kneels before the altar. With his back to you, you study the firm line of his spine, his clasped hands with the beaded rosary held firmly between. Unmoving, statuesque. He prays for a long time.

Thou shalt not kill. 

You wonder if God is so forgiving.

The images of angels, of Mary and Joseph and flawless purity are what drive you to march up to Hal and kiss him hard. He hums in surprise, brows furrowed, the pressure behind his mouth mirroring yours when you grip the back of his head.

You want to kill him the same way he had murdered your father. But you settle with digging your fingers into the back of his neck and relishing in the way he hisses against your lips. You fumble blindly with the fastening of his trousers.

“What are you doing?” he growls.

“Shut up.” You bite back.

You’ve never been afraid of Hal before today, you’ve had no reason to be. You’ve been so careful to build the reputation and the facade he sees, using words and sex to push him like the chesspiece you had thought him to be. And he’d pushed right back.

You want to hurt him in the only way you can.

He cries out when you suck him into your mouth with teeth and harsh pressure. You’re anything but gentle, taking him as far as you can so that you’re choking and Hal is grunting and pulling at your hair and the lewd sounds of your lips and tongue echo to the tops of the vaulted ceiling. 

You’ve both lost family today. You are both selfish and full of quiet rage. The consequence of Hal’s choice is evident in how hard and wet you mold your mouth around him, how his hand tightens and pushes you farther down, wordlessly ordering you to finish him off in this holy church.

Like Christ Himself with bandaged hands, you twist and work at whatever you cannot fit between your lips. His hips snap forward, tears collecting at the corners of your eyes with burning throat, your scalp stinging from where he yanks back your hair, your linen caul disheveled. Saliva dribbles out of your mouth.

When his moans grow high and desperate, you take him out of your mouth and Hal’s release splatters white on the skin of your cheek, mouth still agape. He slumps forward on his knees, panting, as if still in prayer. The rosary dangles between his fingers. 

Thou shalt not commit adultery. 

The cross looms before you, silhouetted by candlelight. It is too much and you turn away.

**

If the change in Hal’s nature had not already been felt by all, it is seen in his dress. No longer does he donn the regalia of red cape and sceptre, but dark tunics and jackets that fit snug over the expanse of his chest. No more are the billowing robes, now replaced with tight military clothing and jackboots. A captain preparing for battle.

Hal recruits John Falstaff and countless other marshals for his campaign. It’s truly happening, you think. France will soon feel the wrath of England as your homeland and countless other countries have. 

The amber necklace sparkles.

Tomorrow, Hal sets sail across the English Channel. Another crusade to add to the Hundred Years’ War. You wonder if French women are just as lustrous as the rumors suggest. 

This is the last night you will be together like this for some time. The thought of Hal with another woman makes you quicken the hand you have around him and he gasps into your chest, spilling onto your thigh like that wedding night centuries ago. You’ve already made love countless times tonight, your bodies fitting together because it is only natural for two corrupt souls to find solace in the other. 

Masquerading with voice and poise. A boy from Eastcheap and a Scottish girl. 

As Hal shudders against you, kissing your throat and twining his fingers into your hair, he tells you he loves you.

You think you may love him too, in that twisted way of how fire craves oxygen. You need each other to fuel chaos. 

You understand better than anyone the burden of a child forced to grow up, the weight of decisions and the toll it takes. Only the strong can endure such hardship, only the strong can triumph and come out on top. It has been so forever, a law as old as the world. 

 The speed at which Hal is already hard again makes you chuckle darkly. He pins you to the bed, hovering, eyes bearing into you before he enters you just the same.

“You were made to be beneath me,” he rasps, gripping your face with a single hand. His eyes glitter in the low light. The double entendre of his words make you rake your fingernails down his back in angry lines of red. He sucks a bite into the skin of your collarbone. 

 You know that when Hal returns from France, he will no longer be yours. He will be changed, most likely to marry a foreign princess to ensure peace. You think of Isabel and how she had evidently been the one to put you in this position of status, how a marriage is a man’s means to gain power. A law as old as the world. 

Do you want him to be yours? The same way the English crown has raped and pillaged for the thrill of conquering the barbaric? A trophy? A prized kill? Still, the thought makes you bitter.

You say you love him back when he finds the spot below your ear, pushes your legs apart to drive into you that much harder.

There’s a bit of you that prays he will be victorious, that he will return to England and be yours again. But even if your paths do not cross in the future, you know you will see him again where the flames grow hot. Be that in his chambers or down below. 

[alwaysupatnight]

Never said it was a reflection on you personally. Sorry that’s how it came across to you. I was only asking a different perspective. Different people have different thoughts though. But not against you. He does not know cues is true.

LMFAO I don’t see how your previous ask WASN’T an attack on my character with your “it doesn’t bother you...?”, which btw didn’t seem like the opening of a discussion but rather an accusation on your part. And nevermind that you have not once offered YOUR perspective on this? But okay. Let’s say you didn’t mean for it to come off the way it did.

And not that I make a habit of defending Richie. I think I’m pretty well known for hating on the guy in fact. 🤣 But as far as those s1 quotes (which btw were both spoken TO SETH, so let’s just make that clear right now) I believe Richie was not only mocking Seth for getting his ass thrown in jail, but this was also Richie’s weak attempt at trying to make Seth look INCOMPETENT.

Listen. The thing I’ve come to learn about Richie is that he’s a little shit first and foremost. He’s literally almost always portrayed as Seth’s bratty younger sibling. I’m sure he enjoys saying controversial things to shock people just to get a reaction. Add to that his primary motivation in all of s1 & 2 is that he is jealous as hell of Seth and constantly battling with his position as Seth’s second in command. The fact that he’s making this power play here with those inflammatory remarks (to his big brother!) is just fucking HILARIOUS to me. Yes, the comments when taken out of context are totally disgusting, but not once in the series are we ever shown that Richie condones sexual violence against women, or anyone for that matter. The only time I can think of where he’s ever threatened rape towards anyone is in ep1 when he threatened those two girls at Benny’s. But as we all know, THIS WAS NOT A NORMAL TIME FOR HIM. And most of his big fuck-ups in s1 (particularly all of his interactions involving Monica and those moments creeping on Kate) were very much due to Santanico’s influence and her projecting her own experiences onto Richie, as well as her grooming of him prior to turning him (and nevermind Kisa’s frequent conflating of sex with violence in general, but that’s another story).

As far as Richie’s brief involvement with the human/sex trafficking ring in s2, I think it’s pretty evident his actions there stem from his pride and ambition and him trying to prove to himself and others that he can function as a leader, and most importantly WITHOUT Seth. NOT because he takes pleasure in sexually assaulting women. 🙄

If you wanted to have a broader discussion about rape and violence against women in this series, you could have mentioned Malvado or Tanner or Carlos or Kisa or Scott. Or hell, even SETH (in murdering Sonja, his significant other). Most acts of sexual and domestic violence against women are perpetrated by people they know personally after all. But I bet you didn’t wanna talk about that, right? Instead you came into my asks with your accusatory tone and grilled ME for finding some harmless quotes by Richie funny while at the same time not even bothering to acknowledge the type of humor he is engaging in (which btw this show is FULL of, so like, weird hill to die on).

So do Richie’s comments bother me? No, they don’t. Because I know the context in which they were said and to whom they were spoken, and because I know it’s not in character for him to casually threaten sexual violence against anyone. I mean, there’s plenty of violent acts committed against women in this series, but almost none of it is done by Richie himself. If Richie’s dark humor bothers you though, then maybe this show just isn’t for you? But simply thinking something is funny doesn’t mean you condone it.

But I can see we’re probably not gonna agree on any of this because this whole series of asks has seemed rather like an attempt to shame me for daring to think Richie is funny, while also propping Seth up on a pedestal and painting him in this light as some golden, innocent character when we all know that is FAR from the truth. 🤷‍♀️

[alisarb]

Thoughts on Frenchie and Kimiko (deleted scene + 2x04)

Okay so tHINGS have happened since we last saw each other, folks, so let’s get cracking immediately. 

Spoilers for The Boys season 2 until 2x04, stop reading if you haven’t seen it yet!

Before I delve into last episode’s events, I’d like to talk a bit about two deleted scenes that I think still play a vital part into context for the kiss scene in 2x04. Get for a LONG meta post.

The events that lead up to that kiss are influenced by everything we saw last season and that I talked about in a previous post: Kimiko opening and sharing her trauma with The Boys because she trusts Frenchie, Frenchie telling her and only her about his dad and his traumatic childhood, how their relationship is defined by freedom and absolute liberty to choose without judgement, etc. 

Then, on season 2, we see that Kimiko has begun to interact with the other members of the gang a lot more (Hughie approaches her from behind to praise her on her writing practice and she smiles), and that everything has been going a bit roughly since Butcher left, holing up in the back of a store with some sketchy guys that Frenchie knows. 

It’s obvious from the beginning of the season that Frenchie has been stressed and frustrated since everyone is highly wound up, but the moment Kimiko goes to him to show him the origami piece he stops to pay her attention and smiles. 

One of the main points of this season is that Kimiko is finding a voice, a way to communicate. Unfortunately, another main point of this is that Frenchie is struggling to understand her. 

He doesn’t get what the paper means, or why she keeps talking about “a boy and a girl.” 

This boy, as it turns out, is her brother, who was also taken from the terrorist group into America and injected with Compund v, turning him into a Supe like her sister. 

The conversation between the two of them is very telling. At one point, she asks if it hurt when they injected him, and he says: “I wanted to die.” She replies: “Me too”, and goes on to say that Vought had turned her into a monster. 

A few scenes earlier, Kimiko goes into the store with Frenchie and brutally murders one of the employees. Frenchie looks completely horrified at the excessive force and shocked at Kimiko for “returning to her old habits”, in a way, but then realizes that he belongs to the Shining Light Liberation Army.

These two things help us understand her personality: when we first meet her, she’s locked in a cage and is completely feral and savage (understandably so). She’s only able to form a bond with Frenchie, and uses violence towards people without much remorse. 

However, this season she doesn’t seem so prone to it, and I think the change in her character is what surprises Frenchie at the store. 

Now, before we go into 2x04, let’s talk about the deleted scenes.

The first deleted scene: Cherie

I’ve tried to record the scene but to no avail, so I’ll describe it for those who don’t have Prime Video since I can’t find it uploaded anywhere else.

The scene is presumably set at the beginning of 2x02. We see M.M working on his dollhouse when suddenly some voices can be heard arguing in the background: Frenchie and Cherie. Frenchie sounds angry and tense and Cherie talks in a playful, passive-aggresive manner. 

Frenchie: You’re getting on my nerves. You need to shut up.

Cherie (laughing, playful): You shut up. Just fucking say the truth then.

Frenchie (tense): Bye-bye...

Cherie (now visibly angry too): That’s all I’m asking. Say the fucking truth.

Frenchie (shouting): Okay, you can stop right there, okay?

Cherie: You wanna fuck her? Fuck her! Just (I didn’t get that part lmao)

Frenchie: We are not-! I would never sleep with her!

Cherie: Why!? Then what does she do, then? I mean, I see the way you look at her!

Frenchie: It’s difficult, it’s difficult to explain, okay? She’s special!

Okay, I won’t transcribe the whoooole conversation because IT’S LONG but I’ll describe the rest and quote the final part:

Cherie gets offended because, oh, Frenchie can fuck her hard and rough just fine but she’s too “magic and special.” Then Frenchie tries to explain (through C.I Joe characters wtf Frenchie) that him and Kimiko are like soulmates: they can “read each other thoughts”, and they think and feel the same, they are the same. 

This mirrors what Karen Fukuhara, who plays Kimiko, said in a recent interview (posted a week before 2x04) when asked about the nature of their relationship:

“It could be love, romantic love. It could be like paternal love, because in the comics, she is portrayed as a younger girl, I think, when you first see her. Or it could be something deeper than friendship, something that we call “twin flame,” something that ties two people together kind of like a magnet, soulmates, if you will.”

Cherie grabs him and asks him how does he know what the fuck she’s thinking if she doesn’t say a word. Maybe he’s just projecting what he wants to believe into her for this very reason (VERY TELLING OF THE KISS SCENE).

Then, she turns around to leave and runs right into Kimiko. Cherie touches a strand of her hair and tells her: “I don’t think you’re too magic to fuck” before she leaves.

Kimiko looks at Frenchie confused as fuck, ofc.

The lovely @daddy-winter​ asked me what I thought because they’ve been announcing for a while now that their characters will drift apart this season, and I think this scene is key in understanding that.

Their relationship has been interpreted in many ways throughout the show, and this scene marks it clearly as romantic, as it shows Cherie being jealous or at least annoyed with how much attention he’s giving Kimiko. This also resembles a scene in S1 when she demands to know when he’ll be with her again. Then it takes a turn when Frenchie tells her he’d never sleep with her (which seemes to be disproved when he later tries to kiss her).

The way I see it, this scene was too open-ended, and at the same time, gave away too much of what’ll happen with them. I also don’t think it’s truly fitting with Cherie’s character since she later learns Frenchie tried to kiss Kimiko and is not excessively annoyed nor surprised (CHERIE KNEW FROM THE BEGINNING AND I WILL DIE ON THIS HILL).

We don’t see all the glimpses into their relationship and everyday life. In fact, when S2 begins we’re taken already into present day with no clarifications as to how much time passed (it doesn’t seem like more than a few weeks) or what has happened in that time (except for Butcher disappearing and them hiding with the gun smugglers). But we get this scene, which, as another user commented, is incredibly romantic in the way Frenchie straight-up affirms he would never sleep with Kimiko.

And now we get to the dreaded 2x04 and the terribly terribly timed kiss.

2x04 and dumbass Frenchie’s fucked up timing

The third episode ended with the death of Kimiko’s brother by Stormfront (played brilliantly by Aya Cash, btw) and her staring at the TV with boiling anger and grief. 

The fourth episode begins pretty much the same way, and it reminds us of an earlier version of Kimiko: disheveled, huddled up under a table and staring at the TV in a dark room. 

Frenchie, who was first introduced as a character way too comfortable with taking pills, stops getting high in S1 (coincidentally when he meets Kimiko). Then, all of a sudden, we start 2x04 with him snorting coke and getting high as a kite (Butcher’s words, not mine). The stress of the situation could be triggering enough on its own, but as we talked about at the beginning of this post, he’s seen relaxing instantly when Kimiko is around. However, the minute they start drifting away even the slightlest (them not being able to communicate, her isolating herself to grieve her brother) he feels the need to consume again. 

That’s how he finds her: high, tense, and emotionally destroyed. An explosive mix, to say the least. He goes up to her to comfort her, but does the stupidest thing he could do: he goes in for a kiss. Of course, she pushes him away swiftly, and is shocked and angry. 

The timing is terrible: she’s grieving her brother and the last thing she needs is to deal with this right now, especially when the show has already established that she’s emotionally fragile and not ready for more than slight contact (and just with Frenchie). 

Once again referring to Karen’s interview, when asked about her brother’s death and whether or not it will be a setback in her character’s development:

“But then because of this loss, it’s going to create rifts within her relationships, especially with Frenchie. In a way, it’s not necessarily Frenchie’s fault or anything he does. Actually, scratch that. He does do something. But Frenchie’s not the source of the pain, you know? The source of the pain is the death, and she doesn’t deal with it. I mean, nobody deals with death the right way. The rest of the season is her grappling with how to deal with loss and grief”.

Later in the episode, Frenchie goes to Cherie (for the first time in presumably a long time) and they sleep together. Afterwards, she asks him to tell her what’s wrong and he admits to trying to kiss Kimiko. He affirms he was just “trying to make her feel better.” I’ve seen some discussions about how this means the relationship could still be platonic and he didn’t know any other way to do it, but I want to offer a different approach.

We already know Kimiko is inexperienced. I mean, it’s not explicitly said but we can all assume she probably doesn’t know a lot about normal, functional relationships apart from the one with her brother. Everything she’s known outside of that is violence, abuse and cruelty. 

But we forget Frenchie is just as inexperienced.

They both come from abuse, and even though he prides himself in being succesful with women, Frenchie has never been in love. He doesn’t know how to properly love someone or communicate with them. Yes, he has had sex, but he doesn’t know anything about intimacy (sexual or otherwise). Kimiko was the one to show him, and the only way he can think of to comfort her is sexually, as it seems to be the thing that works for him (that, and drugs). This is confirmed when he later goes to sleep with Cherie to drown his sorrows, probably still high or drunk or both. 

His face in Cherie’s bed as he tries to convey his feelings is heartbreaking. He just doesn’t know how to function in such a situation, and he’s terrified that he destroyed their bond by going too fast. 

There’s another deleted scene set in 2x04 where Kimiko is in her room watching Stormfront’s speech and she finds a mouse wandering about. She feeds him, as it probably reminds her of her brother (her nickname for him was Mouse because he used to feed mouses in the camp that didn’t have a mom). Then later, she tries to feed it again and finds it dead under her bed, caught in a mousetrap. She breaks down and goes to Stormfront’s rally as Frenchie keeps pounding her door, pleading her to let him in. He hears the noise and forcibly opens the door, only to realize she’s gone.

The next we see of them is already at Stormfront’s rally, where he saves her from literally killing herself. As Frenchie says, she will not survive. Stormfront is more powerful and dangerous and she’s probably too weak anyway to fight her again. She looks at him and it’s clear there’s no resentment from before in her eyes. Kimiko feels safe with Frenchie, and she feels love for him:

Look at this and tell me they don’t love each other, I DARE YOU

But her grief and her vengeance are too much of an obstacle right now. She needs to leave and sort it out. It’s a clever, intelligent move for her character and for once I’m so glad the writers are aware that female characters are more than their romantic interest. She gets annoyed at him when he tells her “let’s go home”, for the simple reason that he’s not understanding her. He does it out of pure concern for her, but also comprehensible selfishness: he loves her and doesn’t want her to die. But by doing that, he’s belittling her need to get revenge for her brother. In this matter, Kimiko feels alone for the first time, and it mirrors the S1 scene where he offers her a choice to leave and find her brother. Now, he just can’t bear to see her go (of course now she’s in a lot more danger, but still).

This episode is so perfectly described in a post by @pineapplesperhaps​: it is about love. From the title (Nothing Like It in the World) to the whole plot: the women talking about it and relationships in a ‘When Harry met Sally’ style (about communication, which is sorely lacking between them this season); every character’s story this episode is marked by love in this, in all of its forms: Hughie and Starlight, Butcher and Becca, Homelighter and milk. And then himself. Thinking about it, let’s not bring that up ‘cause it was too disturbing. Also please stop writing scenes about Homelander and milk I can’t bear it anymore wRITERS-

Karen mentions in the interview that there’s an episode this season about Frenchie’s background story that will also cause another shift (not rift, mind you) in their relationship. I’m so excited about it. 

I think their drifting apart was inevitable and necessary to a degree for them to be able to come together in a healthy way. Kimiko is learning who is she as a free person, as a Supe, as a member of The Boys, and it’s hard to do so while figuring out the complex relationship with Frenchie. I don’t think she didn’t want him to approach her romantically, but the timing, as everyone has pointed out, was terrible to say the least. They are both new to this kind of bond and need to find the common ground necessary to get closer. 

I am hopeful that this rift will only make their bond stronger and help them move forward with their relationship. The show has already established that Frenchie feels attraction towards Kimiko (as much as you want to comfort someone you don’t kiss them if you see them as a little sister or a daughter; besides, in the deleted scene with Cherie, she asks him if he sees her as those things and he denies it), and I think it’s pretty clear those feelings are returned, just expressed differently. The way all their physical interactions in the show have been initiated by Kimiko prove this. 

To conclude this essay about the pairing that will probably kill me, I want to recommend a fanvid of them with a song that perfectly describes them: x&y by Coldplay. The lyrics talk about a lover the singer tries to comfort after a terrible loss but being ultimately unable to do so.

Trying hard to speak And fighting with my weak hand Driven to distraction It's all part of the plan When something is broken And you try to fix it Trying to repair it Anyway you can

I dive in at the deep end You become my best friend I wanna love you But I don't know if I can I know something is broken And I'm trying to fix it Trying to repair it Anyway I can

This is the video, it’s perfect and beautiful. 

Thank you for coming to my TED talk and please keep up the fanfiction, you’re the ones that keep me going till Friday arrives.