#I don’t watch the show I’m so sorry I just saw a clip and thought it was funny

[dolls-self-ships]

“Okay what the fuck is going on here?!”

“GOING BACK IN TIME TO 1969 TO SAVE THE WORLD”

that one futureman scene idk

[woniverse-writes]

"MOTH TO A FLAME (part 1)"

Bada Lee x Fem!Reader

part 1 ⟶ part 1.5

series masterlist

summary: y/n l/n is the youngest team member of Jam Republic, competing in the second season of Street Woman Fighter. she’s got the sweetest smile and the most vibrant personality, but she also may or may not be the biggest hothead on the show when it comes to defending her teammates. apparently that’s attractive to Bada Lee.

word count: 9k (holy shit)

warnings: swearing, reader is described as cute and small a lot, Bada is kinda confusing with her feelings, also this isn't proofread so... sorry for any mistakes lol- lemme know if I missed anything!

“I think Jam Republic is finally coming out-” someone states and the excited conversations start to fill up the studio. Jam Republic walks into the fight zone for their first introduction and they're all just very happy to be there. All the girls are smiling but Audrey and y/n have the biggest smiles on their faces out of anyone. Everyone is commenting on how pretty they are and how their smiles are so precious

“Wow, Audrey is like a doll! So pretty…” Tatter is outwardly in awe of the girls, much like some of her other teammates. But their leader, even though she agreed, was trying to keep the girls’ confidence up.

“True, but we’re prettier” she replied in a motherly tone and patted the blonde girl's head, causing them all to smile and giggle. Minah notices Jam Republic approaching the area they’re seated in, and shares a mischievous look with Lusher, before adding to the conversation-

“Y/n’s like a princess though. No one’s beating that” she states matter-of-factly, anticipating her leader’s response. Bada opens her mouth to say something but right as she’s about to speak, she and y/n make eye contact. Y/n smiles even bigger than she already is, eyes twinkling, and she bows politely greeting team Bebe. Bada is lowkey rendered speechless because she’s pretty sure she just saw an angel.

“Oh- h-hello” she struggles to speak and immediately after y/n turns away, Bada is grimacing and covering her face out of embarrassment, her teammates now laughing at her distress. She tries to laugh it off and put on a smile because of all the cameras around- she just really hopes they didn’t catch that and it won’t be aired.

As Jam Republic continues to stride across the stage, past all the other crews, getting a feel for the room, they finally settle in the middle- waiting for their video to be played. Audrey and Y/n are holding hands and giggling excitedly, while the rest of their team shares similar smiles and affectionate chuckles towards their youngest members.

Then the review video plays…

“I think they all want to be the main character- how are they ever gonna work together?” Y/n can’t help but huff out a laugh of disbelief, but she’s not quite angry yet. She felt a little twinge of annoyance but other than that, she thought it was kind of funny. 

“I’m gonna steal the spotlight from you” Audret whispered sarcastically, bumping her shoulder, causing y/n to laugh. They were smiling and giggling again… until the others started targeting her and Audrey.

“They’re like babies- I don’t think they’ll have any real skill.” All the members are just nodding and keeping their composure, with light smiles, except for y/n. Her smile has dropped into a frown and her brows are furrowed as she tries to understand how these people could so willingly make assumptions about them. And it only kept getting worse-

As their individual dance clips started to play y/n could already feel the tension inside her start to rising. After Kirsten, Ling, Latrice, and Emma’s clips all played- Y/n’s was next. It was a somewhat recent clip of her dancing to “Basics” by TWICE, where she’s got her signature bright smile, and is bouncing around, just enjoying the choreography. She loves that choreo and has always been proud of it because it was fun, so her smile started to come back a little while watching it. She tried ignoring everyone’s words, and for the most part, it worked, but she was still able to hear- 

“Isn’t this too juvenile? She doesn’t seem competitive at all.” 

And if there’s one thing y/n hates- it’s people doubting her passion. She’s always been very dedicated to dance, but she also learned how to have fun and enjoy it, while still working hard to always be improving. But to be honest, it didn’t upset her too much because she never really cared what people’s opinions were on her- as long as she was happy, healthy, and kind y/n couldn’t care less what people thought. Unless it was about someone she cares about, then that’s when problems arise. 

Audrey’s video played right after y/n’s and even though the older girl was keeping it together and even sporting a small smile, the same could not be said for her teammate. Y/n listened to everyone laugh and jeer at her friend, and she felt genuine violence start to bubble inside her. How dare they laugh at her? Who do they think they are? She clenched her jaw and felt any bit of respect she had for these people leave her body. Y/n was already over this shit. 

“I think they’re pretty dancers, but that’s it- they’re just pretty dancers.” The other teams ‘ooh’ at this and letter other noises of enablement. By now Y/n’s face has totally dropped, and there’s no expression besides a deadly look in her eyes. While everyone else is brushing it off with some laughs, especially Audrey, y/n can't help but feel her anger fully ignite into a blazing fire. Their video came to an end and while others applauded respectfully, y/n stood there- arms crossed with her head tilted slightly, a stone-cold expression overtaking her face.

"Oh my god- y/n is the only one not smiling anymore" Akanen pointed out from Tsubakill’s side of the room. To which Rena gasped and replied “Eh?! Oh no! She looks so upset!” and the others all focused solely on her. other teams seem to be thinking similarly.

"Audrey is laughing about it like it's nothing and y/n looks like she's about to kill everyone who picked her as the worst dancer…" Mina Myoung jokes, laughing at the young girl. Some of her members laughed with her, while others just observed with cautious eyes. They didn’t want to accidentally make eye contact with Jam Republic’s seemingly small but mighty dancer.

"From everything I've seen of Y/n, I never thought I'd see her without a smile- more importantly I never thought I'd see her look that angry" Harimu gasps, gripping Redy’s shoulders, pulling herself to hide behind her slightly. Peaking over Redy’s shoulder, she listens to the older girl reply in a tone just as fearful as her own. "I didn't even think she'd be able to make such a scary face" Redy laughs but trembles a little.

"Oh my- wow, she looks so much older with that look on her face…" Funky Y openly expresses how baffled she is to her crew, with wide eyes and mouth slightly dropped open. Yoonji replies quickly in a frantic tone

"Like she's not a baby anymore, suddenly she became a Lion" she animatedly expressed with a growl after to prove her point. And her members can’t help but huff out a few laughs and roll their eyes at her antics. But still- even as they joke around, all are still weary of how y/n will act now.

All of the dancers quickly took notice of y/n’s 180 switch in vibe, and couldn’t help their conversations- some frantic, some laughing and continuing their degrading energy that got her all worked up in the first place, some fearful… and then there was Bebe.

"Woooah… what happened to cutie y/n? She's scary now-" Bada marvels at the small girl standing at the back of her team, with her arms crossed. She really was just as confused as everyone else on how y/n could go from being this darling princess with a dazzling smile and sparkly eyes- to this ice-cold girl who might start calling people out by names soon if she gets pushed any further. 

Bada’s teammates look at her, and some nod, while Tatter holds back a laugh, mumbling her leader’s words to herself, 

“Cutie…” Minah and Lusher hear her and start giggling, causing Tatter to start giggling as well. Bada doesn’t seem to hear them- that or she just pretends not to, cuz she sits there, unbothered, leaning her elbows on her knees, observing the scene before her with a barely-there smirk.

y/n continues to glare at the screen ahead of her and tries to contain her rage. Latrice puts a gentle hand on her shoulder and y/n just nods her head, poking her inner cheek with her tongue, trying her best not to say something that will definitely get her kicked off the show. Audrey sees how furious her bestie is and turns to poke her cheek playfully, of course with a smile still on her face

"heyyyy, don't stress. It's okay!" she puts an arm around the younger girl's shoulders and continues

"Plus this is just another great opportunity to show everyone what we've got!" and of course, Audrey, ever the optimist, successfully calms her down. y/n sighs and leans into the taller girl.

"I know, I just hate how almost all of them think we suck just cuz we're young." 

"well they also think we suck cuz we're pretty" And Basically everyone watching is like- "Aw they're still cuties, even though y/n can be scary". 

Bada can't help but laugh at them, specifically y/n

 "She's pouting now. Cute." She chuckles softly with a small smile on her face, as she sits, elbows resting on her knees, with her hands clasped. Lusher can't help but side-eye her leader and chuckle as well but for a different reason

"Bada, you seem a little too interested in her" She snaps out of whatever daze she was in, sitting straight up and looking over at Lusher for a second, before turning to look back at the front where Jam Republic is now exiting

"I'm interested in a lot of people here." she explains cooly, surveying the room

"Not true-" Tatter leans over from the other side of Bada to look her right in the eyes "We can all tell you haven't found a single person here interesting, until her- or at least her team."

____________

"She looks kind of scary now…" Yoonji whispers to her teammates looking at y/n. Redlic looks in the direction Yoonji is looking at and laughs a little.

"What're you talking about? y/n? She looks like a kitten trying to be a lion." Now the rest of ManneQueen is staring at Jam Republic, specifically y/n l/n. And sure enough, instead of her usual bright and smiling self, her eyes were back to being fiery and to put it bluntly, she looks pissed the fuck off again. Waackxxy was the one to turn to Redlic and go-

“No, she’s definitely got something fierce going on right now… I hope she has a lot of battle cuz I’m kind of interested in her now…” causing the rest of her team to laugh and agree. On the other side, Jam Republic is having their own discussion regarding y/n. 

“I think you should just wait and see- maybe no one will even pick you as a “no respect” dancer!” Ling tried cheering up her younger teammate.

“No I want someone to battle me- I want everyone who voted for me and Audrey to come and try us” y/n fired back with her arms crossed as she leaned back into her chair. She really did look intimidating, especially with her makeup and hair done. Audrey on the other hand was not feeling the same fire-

“Uhm, maybe we don’t need everyone to want to battle us…maybe just a few.” Audrey started to reason, 

”Cuz I don’t know if you remember, but there were a LOT of people that voted for us as the worst dancers…” which caused Kirsten and Ling to sigh, and y/n to roll her eyes and clench her jaw.

“Audrey, my love, I’m very well aware of how many people think we suck-“ 

“You don’t suck-” 

“Thank you Emma, but please give me a second”

“Y/n take a deep breath and check your well-being”

She sighed at their team leader’s advice, knowing it was to help her out and so that she didn’t get too fired up with her teammates. It’s not that y/n doesn’t get along with them- it’s the furthest thing from that, she adores her teammates- but she gets very passionate about everything, and she’s a bit of a hothead. On top of all that, y/n is very protective of those she cares about, some of those people being her dear teammates.

“I’m sorry” she mumbles a bit, but ultimately huffs out the response. To which Kirsten replies with a motherly “thank you”, causing the others to chuckle.

“I just don’t understand how they can all collectively make the assumption that we’re not as good as them- for what? Why? Because we’re foreigners? Because we smile a lot? Because we’re pretty? To me THAT just sounds like jealousy” y/n continues to rant, frantically moving her hands and arms about, expressing her frustration- and her team just listens patiently for her to finish. Once she finally lets out her final huff and relaxes back into her chair with her arms crossed again, and a pout now sporting her face, her teammates can’t help but smile gently at their youngest member- some even trying to hide giggles and chuckles of endearment. 

“Y/n, sweetheart, you’ve gotta remember- not everyone thinks like you- I wish they did, but they just don’t” Kirsten starts to comfort her, and places a hand on her head, trying her best to calm down the passionate young girl. 

Kirsten always felt like asking y/n to join her team was one of the best choices she made in regards to being a leader. She knew the younger girl had experience in kpop dance styles, having performed at multiple k-con stages and doing countless covers from other groups, even choreographing her own routines to kpop songs for fun and still getting the attention of the original artist. Kirsten also saw an unlimited amount of potential in y/n and saw how quickly and easily she absorbed everything around her. The only thing she was worried about was how young she was. it wasn’t a huge concern to her since their whole team was pretty young, but when it came down to it, Kirsten ended up adding Audrey in as well, and the two hit it off right away! To be completely honest- Kirsten felt as if the three youngest members were her babies. Audrey being the sweet angel of a golden child, Emma being the responsible oldest, and y/n being the chaotic troublemaker who’s always trying to pick a fight with someone for hurting her sisters. 

“You just need to remember that we’re here to dance, have fun, and gain a new experience… alright?” Kirsten has successfully reduced her gremlin child to a less angry (but still very pouty) version of herself.

“…alright” y/n mumbled.

“Thank you. Now please stop pouting, you look like a kicked puppy and the others will probably start picking on you soon” Kirsten teased lightly, which caused Audrey to join in and start poking y/n’s cheek, leading to Emma tugging gently on her hair, and Ling poking her other cheek, all while Latrice coos at her and pats her head. This all of course causes her to start whining and complaining playfully at her members teasing.

But the endearment for each other doesn’t end outside of the members' little cluster. the love for Jam Republic, and specifically y/n, has now spread to the entire studio. as everyone originally took notice of the youngest member’s slight temper tantrum, most didn’t really know what she was ranting about, but they could tell she was once again not happy at all. The two teams sitting nearest to Jam Republic happened to be Bebe and 1Million, who originally both had members that intended to battle y/n, but after hearing her rant, some opinions changed. 

“I like her style! She’s very passionate” Harimu laughed as she explained her newfound interest in Jam Republic’s youngest. 

“That’s what I was thinking- I don’t even wanna battle her anymore, especially after how scary she looked before- I just wanna watch her tear up the stage with all her energy” Redy chimed in.

“Do you think we should go up to her during break and try to become friends?” They begin to laugh and joke around about their shared interest in y/n. But their team’s older members aren’t quite on the same level of endearment.

“Ya- you two should be trying to take her down before befriending her, don’t you think?” Lia warns the two girls, who just look at each other and start giggling.

“I don’t know if I’d necessarily wanna go up against someone with her temper” Redy starts off jokingly, but Harimu is already coming back in a teasing mood-

“Yeah cuz you’d probably cry.” Which has Redy letting a gasp-  her jaw dropped to the floor, eyes wide with shock and (false) betrayal.

The other team seated next to Jam Republic isn’t as chipper as 1 Million though, as their leader is trying to convince her team to stick with their guts.

“You wanted to battle her at first for a reason- why would that reason change if you still haven’t seen her dance?” Bada asks Kyma, Sowoen, and Minah. They all voted y/n as the worst dancer because her style was too “pretty” and they thought she relied on having cute expressions. Bada didn’t entirely agree with her teammates, but everyone is entitled to their own opinion. She even originally stated how she thought y/n’s style was refreshing and youthful, but she was worried about how she’d be with darker concepts.

“Well- I mean- she seems kinda crazy…” Cheche halfheartedly joked, but in reality, she was being completely serious.

“Why? Because she’s angry? She should be angry. Being voted as the worst dancer isn’t something to be happy about…” Bada replies calmly. No one really says anything, as they all are just trying to process whether or not their leader is provoking them, or if she’s defending their opponent because she thinks she’s cute. 

Bada sighs and stands up to stretch. She wants her team to not only be amazing dancers, but critical thinkers too. Of course, Bada wants a win, but she also wants her team to be strong- and if going up against someone with untouchable morale and endless energy will force her teammates to be stronger, then that’s what they need to do.

She also may or may not be personally interested in seeing what y/n is made of. After all, she caught her attention originally with her bright smile and explosive personality- then again shortly after with how serious and intimidating she gets when people question her abilities. Bada thought her bold expressions and reactions to things were an endearing contrast from her cute or refreshing facials used when dancing. So now having seen y/n in stark opposition, she’s even more interested.  

They all finish up introductions and meet the judges, then are sent off to get changed and prepare for the battles that are about to ensue. Jam Republic’s hideout is full of conversation from the second they enter the room.

“Well besides y/n almost setting the place on fire, I think that went well!” Ling chirps, smiling in faux satisfaction at her teammates, who let out variations of laughs.

“I can’t believe they think so lowly of us” Audrey finally expresses her disappointment, sharing a kicked puppy look with y/n, who longer feels angry, just tired. The younger of the two just leans her head on her friend's shoulder and stays quiet.

“I know, but that’s exactly why we’re gonna go out there and show every single one of them how wrong they were, right?” Kirsten encourages with her once again motherly tone and warm smile.

Bebe’s hideout conversations on the other hand are going quite a bit differently than Jam Republic’s…

“So moral of the story: I’m scared of a five-foot-nothing, angel-faced, baby who may or may not have the ability to shoot lasers out of her eyes.” 

“Minah, what the fuck are you even saying right now-” Tatter sits and stares at her teammate with a concerned look. Minah and Kyma have been going back and forth since they got back about how they regret picking y/n as their no-respect dancer already, because of how quickly and drastically her personality changed when she got upset.

“I’m just saying- I feel like if I looked her in the eyes at that moment, I would've died.” Minah replies dramatically, and Kyma nods her head enthusiastically in agreeance. Bada huffs out a laugh and rolls her eyes at the two members’ antics.

“You do realize she’s still just a kid, right? You have nothing to worry about. Even if she does look scary, she’s probably all bark and no bite” Bada smirks slightly and leans back comfortably on the couch in their space.

“Weren’t you just saying how cute she was?” Lusher side-eyes her as she questions.

“Yes, and? That’s exactly my point. She’s too cute, so there’s no way she’d actually be able to go through with whatever she looked like she could've done.” Bada reasons, shrugging. Everyone just sighs and new conversations arise. 

After all the teams have finished preparing, they all head back down to the main studio and take their seats again. The judges are all prepared and after a slight re-introduction by Daniel, the host, the battles are set to begin. 

Bada being part of the first battle of the season was definitely necessary, and her win practically secured her spot as the best dancer involved in the program. 

Everyone was hyped especially the members of Jam Republic, who were all just very happy to be there- even y/n, who had managed to calm down from her original state of rage, and now she’s back to her excited, vibrant self, of course wearing a giant smile. The girls all cheered and at some point (she doesn’t know when) y/n ended up clinging to Emma with wide eyes and jaw dropped. After Bada finished everyone obviously went crazy with an uproar of applause, but y/n could only let out a few claps, as she was still shell-shocked. Ling glanced at her teammate and started laughing

“Did you enjoy that y/n?” Y/n, still in a daze, puts the back of her hand on her cheek, then her forehead

“My face feels so hot right now”

“Oh my god y/n! You’re like- actually a tomato!!” Kirsten noticed her youngest dancer’s flustered state and couldn’t help but bring attention to it. With all her teammates' eyes on her now, they giggle as she starts whining and covering her face, collapsing into a ball on the floor. She looks up at Ling, who gently pats her head, and goes

“I don’t think I’m gonna survive this” sending all of her members into a fit of laughter over their youngest dancer’s uncontrollable admiration.

“The way she got up in Redy’s face- UGH I WOULD’VE DIED” she continues fangirling, catching the attention of a few of the other dancers- specifically from Bebe. Lusher is the first to glance sideways at y/n with wide eyes and a hidden smile- she’ll have to tell Bada about it afterward. 

When it’s revealed that Bada won, y/n just about flew twelve feet in the air, that’s how high she jumped. Bada acted coolly and honestly pretty cold toward Redy, but the second she made eye contact with y/n, she smiled charmingly causing the already flustered girl to smile even brighter. She sits back down with her crew and Lusher leans over to whisper in her ear,

“I think y/n really likes you” she teases, causing Bada to roll her eyes and glare. 

“Enough…” the older girl warns playfully, in tow causing Lusher to raise her hands in defense.

“Alright, fine- but just know she really enjoyed your performance.” and the conversation ended there.

During Kirsten’s battle with Waackxxy, the members of Jam Republic are once again hyped up, but this time- it’s tenfold. 

Y/n is standing on top of the front row of their team’s bleachers, jumping up and down so much that at one point she nearly slips. Emma and Audrey are of course both there to keep her out of trouble (like always) and they all make eye contact before bursting out laughing

From across the room- Bada is pretty much just as invested as they are. Except she’s a little more focused on one of the members who ISN’T currently dancing. She of course paid attention to Kirsten’s battle and was genuinely blown away by her style- But Bada couldn’t help but get distracted by the small girl a little bit behind her, screaming and jumping like her life depended on it. She tried not to smile or laugh at y/n’s antics but she couldn’t help it when she almost fell off the bleachers. At first- when she watched her slip, Bada felt herself tense up, almost as if her instant reaction was to reach out and try to catch her from across the room. But once she realized y/n was alright (and that she’d have been fine had she fallen from the short height) she shook her head laughed, but more at herself for feeling so protective of this girl she hadn’t even spoken to yet.

Shortly after Kirsten’s first battle, Audrey has hers- Which means, y/n is about to be at her peak of hype woman realness. When Audrey's name is called, y/n shoots straight up and gets right to hyping her best friend up. She’s smiling and rubbing her shoulders and shaking her around a bit to show her excitement, and finally, the two do their signature handshake that they’ve done before every performance together since they became friends

Bada again watched from the opposite side, and she couldn’t help but feel extra critical while watching Audrey. There was nothing wrong with Audrey’s dancing! In fact- Bada was thoroughly impressed, (but she wishes she wasn’t). Instead of catching y/n’s reactions, this time she was totally focused on the dancers- Bada was curious as to what made y/n so defensive of Audrey, and now she understands a little better. That doesn’t ease her feelings of discomfort though, especially as the battle comes to an end and she watches y/n pounce on Audrey the second the timer runs out. What frustrated her even more was how quickly she became self-aware in that moment. Wait- why do I care so much? She was asking herself as her eyes darted to the floor.

And when she was announced the winner, Bada applauded and cheered, but again felt bitter seeing Jam’s Republic’s two youngest members be cute together. Now all Bada can focus on is why she herself is so bothered by y/n clinging to her teammate, and smiling like Audrey just won the Olympics.

“She seems like a really clingy person” Bebe members all look at Bada and then follow her line of sight to Audrey and y/n- or rather y/n sticking to Audrey and congratulating her. Lusher is the first to speak up again,

“Audrey?” she questions, peaking over at Bada in confusion, whose eyes are fixed back on y/n.

“No, y/n”

“Oh, of course”

Lusher’s response is sarcastic and causes the others to laugh lightly at the sub-leader’s attitude towards their oldest member. Bada once again has no reaction as she’s too focused on y/n smiling angelically, celebrating Jam Republic’s win.

“Omg please don’t tell me you’re already jealous” Sewoen teased and Tatter laughed hysterically. Bada raised her eyebrows and finally turned to look at the girls.

“Me? What would I be jealous of?” she pouts slightly when she talks. Even though she seems all tough, and tall, and cold- only one of those things is true. Bada is really a big softie- a baby angel trapped in a 5’9 body. Her teammates know this all too well as they halt their teasing for a moment to admire their cute leader. But that obviously doesn’t last forever.

“Bada-” Lusher tilts her head, exasperated. She stares at the older girl for a few seconds in disbelief, before letting out a huff of a laugh again. Bada’s eyes just widen as she looks around at her team- she really is confused, because while yes- she is starting to realize she may have a genuine crush on y/n, Bada thought she was doing a pretty good job at hiding it!

“What?? I’m serious- I'm not jealous of anyone” She tries to laugh it off and move on but the only reaction she gets is a few side-eyes from the other members. So she lets out a sigh and hangs her head in embarrassment.

“Let’s just leave it please” She smiles timidly, and THIS causes the other girls to laugh.

Many more battles occur before it’s finally Y/n’s chance to dance. When she’s called up to pick her no-respect dancer, y/n smiles brightly and walks to the center.

"So I actually have a lot of respect for this dancer, and I kind of selfishly chose her for the opportunity to share the stage with her and feed off her energy…" she starts, making sure to survey the whole room before eyes finally land on Bebe

"No way she's gonna pick Bada", "is y/n really about to pick Bada???", "Ya, she must be insane" excited murmurs fill the studio as everyone anticipates her pick.

Bada tries to keep her expression neutral, but she can't help how her eyes widen when she makes eye contact with the young dancer standing in front of her crew. Bada thinks y/n looks cute holding the mic with both hands, poking her tongue out and smiling nervously.

Y/n takes a deep breath and walks slowly toward the team she's been eyeing up

"For my no respect dancer, I'd like to battle Bebe's…" It feels like everyone is holding their breath. Y/n holds eye contact with Bada but breaks it with a nod

"Lusher"

Everyone goes crazy, even Lusher herself- She stands up and bows, smiling brightly, and as she starts to descend the bleachers they're sat in, she turns to Bada with wide eyes and whispers-

"I for sure thought she was gonna be calling your name…" she started seriously

"Hm… guess not yet" she teases her leader and Bada shoves her away

"Ya, go dance or something" she mumbles, already exhausted from dealing with the teasing of her members. Lusher meets Y/n halfway and actually reaches out to shake her hand, to which a nervous Y/n excitedly and politely bows and shakes her hand

"Good luck" Lusher smiles gently and y/n's eyes twinkle a little more at the kindness

"Thank you so much, you too!" and then they're separating and heading back to their sides to start the battle. Bada can't help but roll her eyes at her younger teammate, because while she's appreciative of the good sportsmanship, she knows it's really just to tease her more. Once Lusher heads back to Bebe’s side, Bada is behind her with a hand on her shoulder, talking calmly and softly.

"You know this is a cutthroat competition right? You're not supposed to be nice to your opponent- especially since she chose you as her "no respect" dancer-" Bada begins firmly

"Bada, did you listen to a word she said before? Or did you block it all out after you realized she wasn't talking about you?" Tatter laughed, once again taking the opportunity to tease the group leader

On the other side, Jam Republic is also teasing their group member

"I for sure thought you were gonna pick Bada" Latrice stated, massaging y/n's shoulders, shaking her around a bit to keep her energy up. She didn't say anything, just laughed and rolled her eyes. Noticing the lack of reaction, Ling reaches over and pinches her cheek-

"Are you kidding, y/n would probably forget how to breathe if she had to go up against Bada" causing them all to burst out laughing, including the youngest. She moves out of they're teasing reach and steps onto the dance floor. Daniel introduces the two again and allows them to do their little speeches before the battle actually starts. Y/n goes first and she has that same nervous smile back on her face, but her eyes still twinkle with excitement

"As much as I do respect you, I apologize because I'm still going to compete and perform like I don't"  she finishes, trying to seem cool, but she ends up giggling a little. Everyone obviously loses their shit and starts screaming, and even Lusher is clapping and nodding with approval

"Y/n-ya" Everyone's eyes widen, especially Y/n's, as they anticipate Lusher's comeback

"I appreciate your admiration, but there won't be any sharing of the stage, cuz it's all mine" and cue the 'oohs' and 'aahs' from the other dancers, and y/n just smiles and nods. They turn over their mics and prepare for the music to start

"First up- Bebe! LUSHEEEEER" Daniel shouts out and the music comes in as everyone cheers. She starts with some smooth groves and then hits all the accents once the beat drops. Y/n just felt happy to be there, face scrunched up showing how impressed she is with her opponent's moves. Bada tried to solely focus on Lusher, but she couldn’t help but eye up the opposing dancer. and if anyone happened to notice and ask her about it, Bada would just tell them that she was inspecting the competition for the sake of her team…

As Lusher's time runs out, she finishes off strong by getting in y/n's face and ruffling the shorter girl's hair while smirking, causing her to giggle and poke the inside of her cheek with her tongue. She nodded as Daniel announced the switch, and she anticipated everyone's reactions

CL's "Tie a Cherry" starts playing from the pre-chorus and everyone gets even more hyped- some were jumping around and screaming, some grabbed onto their hair, some just had wide eyes and jaw dropped. Lusher stood similar to the last group- eyes wide and jaw dropped to the floor, but she still smiled and laughed in astonishment. Y/n smiled coolly and nodded her head to the beat before bouncing to get into the feel. She does a quick spin around and her vibe has completely changed again- 

Everyone notices the different look in her eyes and they all start fangirling amongst themselves again, expressing how excited they are to see her dance. Lusher stands back and watches, amused and somewhat proud, like she's just got herself a new friend- a friend that challenges her by picking a song that she already danced to with the artist.

Bada on the other hand is trying to control her emotions and reactions again- standing behind with the rest of her team, hand covering her mouth, brows furrowed. She's stressing rn, but not because she's scared that Lusher will lose (frankly, she could care less about that) but rather because she doesn't know how she's gonna last a whole season of watching y/n dance without reacting in the most obvious ways possible- especially since she has a reputation to uphold. Now- Bada has never really cared about that type of stuff, she's chill and doesn't really care whether or not people think she's cool. But this- this feeling she gets while watching y/n dance- is a whole new level of uncool. To be completely honest- Bada feels pathetic.

y/n's been hitting every beat, leaving it all out on the floor- her movements are explosive and captivating. So much so, that certain viewers are mesmerized even by the smallest aspects of her performance that she doesn't even have control over.

"Woooow… how does her hair just perfectly fall into place…" Bada's mesmerized voice doesn't fit in with the chaotic energy and screams, so it catches the attention of Tatter, who looks over to see a dazed leader with a slight blush painted on her cheeks, and she bursts out laughing.

"Bada… you need to pull yourself together" she laughs. but right as she finishes her sentence and looks back to watch the rest of the dance, the iconic "razzi shots" line occurs and y/n handles it perfectly.

Right as the "razzi shots" line is played through the speaker, y/n's whole body reacts as if electrified- her articulation is so on point that the final hit of her movement mixed with her unmatched expression sends everyone spiraling into a frenzy. And it only got worse as her next movements were smooth, yet articulated combinations of body rolls and hip swivels, leaving everyone with jaws dropped. No one expected the cute, sometimes fiery, girl to have such an alluring, sexy side to her. Especially Bada, who is now fumbling between covering her eyes and her mouth cuz she's so flustered she doesn't know what to do. And the fact that she doesn't understand why she's feeling this way is making her even more flustered.

Y/n's time is about to run out as she slides onto the ground, and with a flip of her hair, she hits a sexy pose that's all tied together with a seductive smile. The applause are the loudest they’ve been so far, everyone is beyond baffled after watching her perform. She stays in her pose for a second, basking in the attention, and to make it even better she daintily bites her finger and puts on a cute-clueless kind of sexy facade. As if she didn’t just completely destroy everyone’s expectations of her. 

After a couple of seconds of holding her pose, she laughs at herself and stands up, first bowing to Lusher, then turning to the audience on her side and bowing- which causes another uproar. Y/n’s brilliant smile is back and she can’t help but clap her hands and cheer with everyone else. The sweet girl who loves to perform was back and she was once again just happy to be there.

The time comes for the judges to decide the winner and in a clean sweep, 3-0, y/n takes the win. Everyone cheers, and y/n comes running up to Lusher to shake her hand again, but Lusher pulls her into a hug instead before pulling back and holding onto the smaller girl's shoulders.

"You're literally so amazing- I was totally joking before, let's share the stage all the time" Lusher jokes around, a genuine smile on her face, but still a teasing lilt in her voice.

"Oh so now you wanna share cuz I won?" y/n teases back, causing Lusher to laugh and shove her shoulder gently, the two girls smiling and giggling together.

"You wish that was you, huh?" Tatter whispers to Bada as they watch from their seats. Bada just turns to look at her with the most fed-up look, causing the blonde to let out a snort of a laugh. As Lusher strides back over to Bebe’s side, she’s smiling still as she looks at her team and shrugs her shoulders. They all hurry to pat her on the back and tell her how well she did, no matter the outcome. 

“Y/n is no joke, you guys should be scared to challenge her for sure now.” She looks specifically at the three who had picked her as their no-respect dancer. Causing them all to sigh and chuckle a little in defeat. 

“It’s okay- we’re stronger. We have to be.” They all turn to look at their leader in disbelief. They've all noticed how she’s been acting toward y/n, and find it hard to believe Bada actually thinks they could beat her- shit they would even agree that Bada doesn’t think anyone could beat her. 

“Whatever you say, captain…” Tatter replies and they all turn their attention back to the front. 

As everyone finishes up their individual dance battles, and the battle of the aces finishes off- the teams are released to go prepare for the group battle. Everyone begins heading to their respective rooms, but one dancer stalls behind her crew by a few steps. y/n keeps peaking over her shoulder every so often, to glance back at Bebe. She simply wanted to ask Lusher for her phone number, but the girl didn’t seem to be with her team. She eventually stopped walking altogether and when y/n looked forward again, she realized the rest of her team was so far ahead she’d have to jog to catch up. 

“Were you looking for someone?” y/n whips back around and is met with the rest of Bebe, more specifically their leader, who is a lot closer than she expected her to be. Her eyes turn into saucers and she seems to struggle a little to find words.

“Oh- actually- well yeah actually I was…” y/n nervously smiled and looked up at Bada, hoping that her face wasn’t turning red already. Bada gave a gentle smile in return. She looked relaxed, cool, but in her head she was trying to keep calm and not squeeze the cute girl in front of her.

“I was wondering where Lusher went, actually.” the Jam Republic dancer spoke up a little more confidently this time- still very shy, but definitely was able to speak without stuttering, which is progress!

“Mmm” Bada hummed and nodded, seemingly understanding. She held eye contact with the younger girl, before asking, 

“Why?” to anyone on the outside looking in, this situation probably looks like a gang of scary tall women harassing some poor girl- which is exactly what Audrey is thinking when she turns to ask y/n a question and looks back to see her many meters away, conversing with Bebe’s leader, while the rest of the crew stands behind her.

“Oh my god- we lost y/n” she starts to panic, causing all the older members to whip around and look at Audrey like she’s crazy, then look at the spot next to her where the youngest member usually stood. Kirsten takes a deep breath before releasing it and shaking her head, Emma and Ling are genuinely in shock, and Latrice just looks at each of the members before laughing and starting to head back towards the direction they came from, to retrieve their baby.

Meanwhile, said baby is still struggling through a conversation with “the love of her life”, as she described to her team after watching Bada battle Redlic.

“Uhm- well I was looking for Lusher hoping I could get her number, or give her mine, cuz… because I really enjoyed dancing with her!” y/n finishes off strong and Bada just tilts her head in an amused, yet condescending way. Y/n finally took the opportunity to actually look at her, and wow, does she wish she didn’t, because if her face wasn’t on fire before, it sure is now. Bada was standing confidently with her feet planted shoulder-width apart and her hands casually in her pockets. Y/n was usually good at acknowledging an attractive woman leaving it at that- but this shit was just too overwhelming for the poor girl. 

“She went to go refill her water, but she should be back soon. We were obviously heading to our room so if you wanna come back with us and wait for her, you’re more than welcome to.” Tatter speaks up in a chipper voice from beside Bada. She could see how red the girl’s face had gotten and wanted to help her out a little by putting her focus on something other than Bada. although her comment only seemed to make it worse-

“Oh! Oh no, that’s okay! I don’t want to intrude, and I- I should probably get back to my group anyways to prepare for the battle-” y/n frantically starts to ramble, her face somehow even brighter red than before. Bada couldn’t help the amused smirk that spread across her face.

“How about you just give me your number and I’ll give it to her?” Bada cuts her off, and not only do y/n’s eyes grow four times in size but so do Bada’s teammates’. They all try to discreetly glance at each other without freaking out, cuz since when was their leader this bold???

“Yeah… yeah of course.” Bada smiles and y/n is about to give her number, right when-

“We seriously need to put you on a leash, girl” Latrice laughs and puts her hand on y/n’s shoulder, leaving her to jump in surprise a little, not expecting her crew to have showed up behind her. The young girl let out a relieved sigh and then a tired laugh. She glanced back at Bada and the rest of Bebe then bowed slightly.

“Thank you so much for your help, but I'll just keep an eye out and try to catch her later” she speaks softly and smiles politely before moving to finally head back to her waiting room with her members. As she’s about to round the corner, y/n looks over her shoulder and shouts a sweet “good luck!” then waves cutely. 

Bebe is still standing in the same spot they were in when y/n left when Lusher finally made her way back to them.

“Why are we just standing in the hall… I thought you guys would be back in our room already.” She eyes up her crew suspiciously, looking at every one of them before landing on Bada.

“Well, we would’ve been if Bada hadn’t decided to harass y/n” Kyma pipes up, and Lusher sends a look that can only be explained as concern and disbelief toward Bada.

“Excuse me, I did not HARASS her???” Bada looks over at the girl with an incredulous look.

“Right, you just tortured the poor girl and acted so cold she probably thought you were gonna eat her-” “EAT HER???? WHAT AM I NOW? A WOLF???”

“Well-” Tatter chimes in this time, “you did kind of give off that vibe when she was talking to you just now.”

“Okay- we can get back to unpacking that later. Why was she even over here?” Lusher interrupted the flow of conversation. Bada sighed and hesitated before sharing

“She actually was looking for you…” she started calmly. Noticing Lusher’s confused expression, she continued

“y/n was asking for your number… said it was because she really enjoyed dancing with you.” Bada smiled a little as she shared this information with her teammate, who in turn also smiled. Lusher’s wide eyes and light grin, made Bada realize how she actually had the opportunity to get y/n’s number and failed miserably. 

“But she said she’d come find you later, so be on the lookout.” the group leader stoically expressed. Lusher hums and nods, mentally pocketing the information. They finally head back to their room and begin to prepare for the battle.

As ALL of Jam Republic enters their room, the first they do after shutting the door is all turn to face y/n. All of the members stare in anticipation, waiting for her to burst.

“So are you gonna tell us what the hell you were doing talking to Bada Lee?” Latrice urges with a teasing grin. Everyone continued to wait for y/n to start excitedly ranting, but it never came.

“I feel…” the youngest starts and they all lean in slightly, waiting for her to express everything vividly,

“I feel really confused.” She finishes her statement in a daze and honestly, the members are now convinced she’s totally out of it.

“Oh my god… what did she say to you?” “Are you okay?” “Do we need to fight her?” Emma and Audrey go back and forth with their questions, hurrying to bring y/n to sit in between them on the couch.

“She just… she’s… I just really love women, and I think I specifically am going to fall in love with that woman, and I think I'm gonna die” she rants outwardly, still in a daze. All of her members lean back slightly, flabbergasted by the youngest’s statement. Kirsten tries to keep her jaw off the floor but she puts up a hand and tries to dismiss the situation for the time being

“Well… uh… alright should we prepare for the battle, and revisit this later?” “yes please” “alright awesome, thank you for sharing y/n” “yeah, no problem”

All teams have gathered again in the main competition area for the group battle, all fired up again and ready to rumble. The energy is high as all groups compete, the mission’s final ranking is announced and Jam Republic celebrates their decent rank of fourth place. With Bebe placing right above them in third, y/n turns to the groups and claps for them, making eye contact with Lusher and giving her a thumbs up, which is returned. 

They wrap up and begin to head back to their rooms again. Y/n approaches Bebe with a bright smile and hopes that Lusher will come right forward and save the other girl from embarrassing herself again in front of the group’s leader. But it turns out Lusher has other plans. She skips down the bleachers and smiles at y/n before walking right past her.

“Bada, can you get y/n’s number for me, I have to use the restroom- thanks!” she shouts as she retreats, causing all of her teammates to laugh in shock, except her leader. Bada, unprepared for the confrontation, is a little flustered and doesn’t know if she’ll be able to put up the same act as before. 

Bada stands from her seat and calmly and coolly strides towards y/n. She pulls out her phone and opens the contact app, handing it to the small girl with a relaxed, almost bored, expression. When y/n doesn’t do anything at first, she looks up at Bada with wide puppy eyes, and Bada swears she stopped breathing for a second.

“You can just put your information in my phone and I'll send it to Lusher” the team leader explains, hoping y/n can’t tell how worked up and tense she is right now. 

“Oh- yeah. duh” Y/n awkwardly laughs and enters her information before looking back up again with bright eyes to ask-

“Can I give myself a contact picture?” She doesn’t seem awkward or nervous at all when she asks for permission, and Bada finds it adorable. She couldn't help the endeared laugh that escaped her, and she was honestly okay with it because afterward the vibe totally changed.

“Of course you can give yourself a picture” Bada responds with a gentle, amused smile and y/n feels her nerves start to dissipate, as Bada’s genuine smile makes her feel warm and fuzzy, and she never wants to stop seeing such a beautiful thing.

Y/n poses for her contact photo by simply doing a peace sign and sticking out her tongue. Bada again giggles at her cuteness and thanks her when she hands her phone back. She’s about to speak when the Jam dancer beats her to it-

“Even though I technically gave you my number for Lusher, you should definitely still text me too, so I have your number as well!” y/n confidently speaks, but the blush painting her cheeks betrays her nerves. Bada’s eyes widen, genuinely shocked at her bold request.

“Of course- I’ll text you right now.” and so she does. Y/n giggles as she watches Bada take a similar selfie to her, which she receives moments later.

“That’s for my contact picture by the way-” the older girl jokes, which causes y/n to burst out laughing. She was surprised that this Bada was the same person as the one who almost had her fainting in the hallways earlier. The two talked and laughed some more- they really couldn’t get enough of each other.

“You know, I was freaking out during your battle with Redy- when you got in her face and started like- making fun of her height or whatever you'd call that- oh my god it was amazing! My face got so hot watching that” y/n excitedly expressed her admiration, but realized a few seconds too late how she possibly exposed herself. And she felt her face heat up immediately when Bada tilted her head and smirked teasingly.

“Oh? Why was your face all hot? Huh?” Bada teases, standing firmly with her arms crossed over her chest. She steps up to y/n, similarly to how she did with Redy. except when she’s directly in front of her and able to look over her head entirely, Bada glances down at y/n who’d already staring up at her with those wide puppy eyes that have been trapping her all day, her mouth slightly hung open. 

Y/n is holding her breath- the way Bada is looking at her right now is making her want to cry. She’s so close, and the tone she uses while teasing y/n makes the younger girl weak in the knees, ready to fold at any second. She tries to stay aware, but y/n can feel her eyelids start to droop, as do Bada’s. The way she’s looking at her- with half-lidded, seductive eyes- y/n doesn’t understand how she got here, but the last thing she wanted for was it to end.

Bada had to remind herself there were many other people and cameras currently around, so she looked y/n up and down, smirked slightly (yet effectively), and backed away. She cleared her throat, but the smirk remained on her face, in fact- it was even bigger than before.

“I’ll text you later, okay?” She’s still close enough to where she can speak softly, and it makes her heart rate pick up when she realizes how flushed and dazed the younger dancer is in front of her. Bada raises her eyebrows slightly when she doesn’t get a response, to which y/n reacts quickly with a firm nod. Bada giggles at her and continues to tease.

“Ya- you should really learn how to use your words, puppy” Bada smiles condescendingly and y/n’s eyes widen once again. She lets out a small gasp when the older girl ruffles her hair before walking away.”

“I’ll text you, y/n!” Bada shouts over her shoulder and y/n just stands there, astonished. She eventually makes her way back to her crew, who watched the entire thing go down.

“What the FUCK was that-”

notes: thank you so much for reading!! sorry that this is so long and there wasn't any "real" romance written in yet. this is definitely a slower burn series, but it's because I like to build up every detail of a story haha. hoping to have the next part ready by the middle of this week, please look forward to it!!

[lady-ashfade]

A day of thanks.

Dark yandere house of the dragon x Fem!reader

Plot: It’s the day of thanks in kingslanding and your family has tried to make it a good one. Though everyone was always fighting for you attention they toned it down just for you or, did it behind your back. You shared your thanks with everyone close to you, but that only lead to blood being shed. 

Taglist: @dangerousbluebirdpoetry @second-try-stevie @prettyinblack231

This is a bit darker then what I normal wrote but it’s not the long so it’s fine.

Warnings: Dark yanderes tendencies, yandere tendencies, obsession, unhealthy relationships, blood, death. And being the center of a crazy family. Also editing this late so I don’t even know what words even are.

“You look beautiful my lady.” Your maiden, Nrya spoke to you as she finished up dressing you. You looked at yourself in the mirror and gazed at your body. A red and green dress that you had made just to represent both family colors, you had thousands of dresses from red and black to green but this one was different. Green dangling earrings and a red gem necklace.

Your maiden caught you playing with the rings on your finger, “Is it not to your liking?” She asked and you quickly reassured her otherwise. “No it’s not that. I look good, you did a good job. But my thoughts are taken over about what the day will hold. It’s the yearly feast to celebrate one other but my family doesn’t really care for it.” Rolling your eyes at the many fights you have witnessed over the years.

“I just wonder if today will be any different. I want one day were my family acts like well, family. It’s just sometimes they get so caught up over their own petty reasons and just- Forgive me, I should not put my problems onto you.” Waving your hand to apologize and take her hand into yours. You heard her say you didn’t need to be sorry but you cut her off.

“I got you a gift.” Her brows frowned and her head tilted in confusion. “Me? Your grace I can’t not except-” Gigging you pulled her to your deck and sighed for her to wait. She crosses her hands and watched as you opened the drawer and pulling out a tiny bow. “I think you’ll like it.” You pushed out the box and she took it from your hands.

Cautiously and slowly she opened it up, you could tell she was nervous and didn’t know what to do. But when her eyes met the necklace of a small dragon figure with a red gem in the middle her eyes went wide. It was just like the one you had, it was something to cherish for the rest of her days. “I- I can’t not expect this.” You pushed out your lip. “You can and you will, it’s a order of the princess.” She laughed not know what else to do.

“I think you deserve to be well rewarded for helping and dealing with me for years. A good friend you become.” Grabbing the necklace you went behind her and she brushed her hair out of the way. “I would do it free of charge.” The smile never leaving your face as you clipped the chain together.

“But you never have too.” Placing you head on her shoulders as she looked at herself in the mirror. It was the same way you did earlier but the roles reversed. “Today is the day of thanks. You are someone I am thankful for.” Her cheeks flushed and tears in her eyes began to swell up. Nrya never felt this appreciated or loved. You always were kind to her. But this was something she never expected.

“As I am of you.” 

The morning was quiet to say the least. You spent time with the younger children to brighten your day before the day furthers. You had a small book in your hand reading some stories the children didn’t seem to care for since they were focused on their toys. The doors opened and you saw Alicent walk through in a beautiful green dress, her eyes met yours and her happiness showed.

“My daughter.” She walked over to you and kissed you forhead, “The gods gave me you to be thankful.” You smiled at her. “The gods gave me you as a mother. I think I’m more thankful.” She took your face into her hands softly while her eyes scanned your face lovingly. “That’s not possible.” Her attention stayed on your for a moment before she let you go and walked over to Aegons and Helaenas children.

The other child in the nursery were rhaenryas and daemons children. “Is it almost time for the festivities to begin?” Placing the book down. She agreed and kissed her blood grandchildren goodbye before heading back over to you and taking you arm in hers. “I have made sure to make the servants make everything you like.” And with that you both walk out and to the gardens outside.

When you arrived you saw your family actually smiling and looking like they were having a decent time. Aemond and Aegon were over by the wine, jace and Luke were by the small food platers, Helaenas was sitting at the table next to Otto both of them not saying a word but looking relaxed. Rhaenrya and daemon also sitting at the table but talking to Viserys who was at the frontend of the table.

Alicents grip on your arm while Aegon was the first to notice you. “Dear sister.” He called out and everyone turned their eyes onto you. Everyone wanted to get to you first but Aemond and Aegon were first to make it. “You look beautiful as always.” Alicent let go of your arm but aemond was quick to take you into his. Rubbing his back, “Thank you.”

He pulled back and stepped to your side but his arm still placed on your waist, Aegon smirked at you. “Did dressing take you all morning sister? I thought you died in the bath.” He joked. “I was spending time with the children.” You answered and he just rolled his eyes in return. The three of your focus turned to see the other brothers rushing over to you. Aemond almost didn’t let you go but you got away from him before he could do anything.

“Luke, jace.” You pulled them into a tight hug while they wrapped their arms around you. “I am mostly great full of you.” Luke muttered into your left. “I think I have him bet on that one.” Jace said in your neck on the right. Laughing as you pulled them both back. “Don’t let your mother hear.” They shook their heads but your heart flutters as jace takes your hand in his and kissed the skin. “I’m sure we all agree that you’re what we are thankful for the most.” Your cheeks heated up at the kind action.

Aemond and Aegon watched with a tighten jaw’s in jealously watching the boys get all your attention. The way you smiled and as jace kissed your hand made aemond want to kill him, Aegon was just jealous you weren’t paying him any attention. When you walked away to go to the table the boys stared at each other. Jace and Luke smirked at them showing they were proud to steal you away even for a second. Aemond’s eye darkened but he remembered his promise- What everyone promised.

That they would be civil for you.

“Darling.” Rhaenryas cheerful voice called out to you as she kissed your cheek, daemon pulled you in for a side hug and a pat. Since they were close to Viserys his attention was solely on you as he smiled up at you. “My dear girl.” He took your hand in his and you leaned over to kiss his head. “How are you feeling today father?” He just nodded his head and continued to smile. “The gods bless me on today. I feel nothing but happiness.”

“That’s good to hear.” He let go off your hand and you made your way over to Helaena and Otto while they eagerly awaited you. “I hope you both are enjoying yourself.” Otto smiled and nodded while Helaena patted her seat and you sat down next to her while there was some time to spar. You engaged in conversation with both of them when your attention went back on Helaena when she stared right into your eyes.

“Blood spilled over a chain.” She scared you for a minute because she seemed fearful but turned her attention to the plate on the table. Before you could question her everyone was called to the table and you had to change chairs. You got up and moved only a few chairs down, you sat at the end with your father and your mother on the other side. You were sitting across from rhaenrya and daemon to which they were happy about even though they wanted you to be closer to them.

“As the years have passed I have been welcomed to new faces to be great full for, my children, my grandchildren. All of you. I thank the gods each second, I hope that we can all stay as a family for the rest of our days.” He spoke in a breathy manner and grabbed onto your hand as he spoke. You raised your cup and agreed and everyone followed then their plates become full and everyone started to eat- Not before Alicent said prayer and you could hear daemon huff about it.

You watched as everyone was talking and laughing…It felt like a true family dinner. You’ve spent years trying to get them all together and today it was finally coming true. “I’d like to make a toast.” Raising yourself with your cup in hand. “I would like to toast to my father and mother, they took me in when I was a babe and to them I’m grateful. I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for them. I have a family now and you all are the most wonderful people I have to love. To my brothers, to my sisters, to my uncle and grandfather and to my nephews and nieces. You truly are my blessing from the gods.” 

Alicent grabbed ahold of your other hand and squeezed it while everyone cheered and took a sip of their drinks. You watch as they continue to stare at you for a moment but then turn back to something else. “That was very heartwarming dear.” You look down at your mother to see her soft but overpowering eyes. “I was just speaking the truth.” You backed away from her and excused yourself while they all watched you leave.

“Should we follow her?” Aegon suggested. “Ser cole will follow her.” Daemon and rhaenrya shared a glance at alicents words. But you were just using the bathroom.

You were gone quite some time. You made a stop back to your rooms to get a servant to bring the gifts. Oh how you loved giving gifts, what special way to show your appreciation then giving the people you loved gifts. You couldn’t wait to get back to the gardens, you even brought one with you as you watched back with Ser Cole.

“What’s in the box?” He kept eyeing the long box you carried in your arms, it even going above your head because of the way you held it. “Do you really wish to know?” Raised a brow at him in a teasing way. “If you’re willing to tell me.” You giggled and stopped him then handed the box to him.

“It’s for you anyway I was just waiting but it might be better to do it here alone so the others wouldn’t get jealous.” He froze in disbelief and took the box carefully, “You got me something?” He was asking as if you were joking with him.

“It’s my thank you for protecting my mother all theses years and being someone I look up to.” He had to push his emotions down fearing he would cry at knowing you found him so special, and then he would hug you and he isn’t sure he would even let go. He teared the paper covering the box and placed it on the bench, he slowly opens it and you watche his every move. 

It was a sword. And really, really nice sword and the carvings and the tales on the handle were beautiful. But he looked at the middle of the blade and his name ran across it. “Do you like it?” You questioned making sure you didn’t mess up his gift and get him something he wouldn’t like.

Cole turned around quickly and pulled you into his arms not caring if he wasn’t even going to let go. If he was going to die he would love to do so in your arms, “I love it my princess.” He was delighted and you hugged him back happily. You both stood in the hallway hugging until he let go and you didn’t want to be rude and pull away first.

You made it back to the gardens a while later and you skipped back into the area your family was in. “I’m sorry I took so long, I was getting the gifts to share with all-” mouth ran dry as the pressure in your chest pulled you down and you forgot how to breath.

Blood.

There was so much blood.

Your family looked at you but you payed no mind as you looked at what was in front of you. Scanning your eyes you see a lifeless body on the ground of a woman, her head being chopped off and you looked for it’s head. The only thing you could do is fall to the ground and scream at the sight of your dearest friends head laying on the ground.

Your Nrya.

Ears falling deaf as you lost all feelings but panic and grief. You balled you eyes out, screaming for it not to be real while holding onto the ground for support. You felt your body being pulled into a warm embrace but you just continued to cry and only then did you hear the words you were always so blind to see.

“She was just a maid, you’re ours always my dear. You need no one else. You’re only going to be thankful for us.” The voice of rhaenrya whisper in your ear.

You looked over at her body and saw the necklace you got her laying on the ground covered in blood. You soon were told that’s why they killed her because they knew you were close to her. And they’d be damn to let another person be close to you because you’re only supposed to need them. You’ll come to learn in time…

No one else loves you the way they do.

[runa-falls]

scratches and bites - 1

Pairing: Miguel O'Hara x Reader

Warnings: Almost kidnapping, age-gap but completely legal, grumpy/asshole Miguel, injury, them claws and fangs, sexual tension, cockblock lol

a/n: yes, i’m back at it with some writing. sorry for being mia lol. this became a lot more dark-ish than I initially anticipated–my bad. I was also gonna do a smutty one-shot, but i needed some background so ._. my bad again. now imma hunker down on pt 2. hope you enjoy ?

Summary: Miguel O'Hara is a grumpy man and you make him grumpy. You regularly go against his orders, create chaos, and invite danger. So this is how you met (which may explain some things...)

w/c: 1.4k

series masterlist | main masterlist

----

Miguel O’Hara is a grumpy man.

It’s almost like there are tiny weights holding down his brows to maintain his glare or ribbons pulling at the corner of his lips so he’s always frowning. Needless to say, being subject to an O’Hara scowl is not uncommon. Everyone in the spider-verse has had their turn. But you have seen it more than anyone. In fact, you might be the number one reason why he’s rarely seen in a relaxed state. 

You’re not even sure why you were recruited in the first place. When Miguel showed up, it was only a few days after you were bitten. You had literally just woken up from your Spider-coma to find what every spider-person experienced: sticky hands, superhuman strength, and a sixth sense. 

Endless thoughts ruffled your mind, overwhelming your already overly-sensitive body. Just as you were starting to fully freak out, a bright and distorted series of lights and noises invited a very tall man, dressed head-to-toe in a red and blue suit, to casually walk into your childhood bedroom.

You sat there shaking in disbelief as you watched the broad-shouldered man slowly reveal his face, easily taking off that terrifying mask before regarding your small figure on your bed. He almost looked inconvenienced or bored as he met your eyes.

This has to be a dream.

“Alright, come on.” Those were the first words he said to you. He gestures to the portal impatiently, waiting for you to come to your senses and follow his orders. When nothing happens he raises his brow. “Don’t have all day.” His tone is clipped like he’d rather be anywhere else. 

“What? ” It comes out hoarse and small, "No." If it weren’t for his sensitive hearing he probably wouldn’t have picked up on it over the noises the portal was making. Your fingers clench harshly against your blanket.

That marks the first time you saw his infamous scowl. He adjusts his stance, resting his hands on his hips like a disappointed parent. “No?" He chuckles humorlessly, "Well, you don’t really have a–” 

“Who the hell are you?” 

He shakes his head dismissively, “It doesn’t really mat–”

“Did you do this to me?” You lift a hand that has remnants of a Spanish flash card that you accidentally picked up when you leaned against your desk. You tried to peel it off but ended up ripping it into smaller pieces that were still stuck to your palm. His stare is patronizing as it lands on your flash card confettied hand.

“Is this new to you or somethi–”

“So you know about it?” You accuse, "You did--"

“Stop fucking interrupting me.” You flinch as he basically growls the words in irritation. As he steps closer to you, light pours over his figure, highlighting the intricate pattern of his suit that clings closely to his muscles. You cower slightly, noticing the menacing scars over his cheeks and the heat in his nearly red eyes.

His voice is low and dangerous as he addresses you, “You’re spider-girl, or spider-woman if you prefer, though by the looks of it,” His eyes glaze over your face and body, “you’re still just a kid.” He continues to inch closer as he speaks, unconcerned by the way the portal closes suddenly behind him or the way you start to shuffle away from him. “A radioactive spider bit you and gave you powers, lord knows why, and now you are to use them for good. End of story. Now,”  His hand darts out before you could react and grabs a hold of your arm, “you’re coming with me so we can save everything and fix all this shit that is fucking up the multiverse.” 

You attempt to yank your arm from his hold, but it only makes him grip you harsher. “Why are you doing this to me? I don’t even know why this is happening! I j-just woke up, I swear!” He doesn’t spare you a look as he mutters lowly into his watch.

Another portal opens, exactly like the first one he came through, but placed a bit farther away.

Now you’re panicking. 

“Didn’t you hear a thing I said?” He pulls you from your bed, almost dragging you off the mattress. You try to claw at his hands, but his grip remains unaffected. If anything he’s just growing more frustrated.

“Ok, ok, ok. I’m spider-woman.” You continue to pull away from him, dragging your legs as a way to slow him down. “Please, I promise to use my powers for good! I will be a nice neighborhood spider-thing–Just please let me go! I didn’t do anything–”

“This isn’t a discussion.” He pulls you up and closer to him until he’s basically carrying you to the portal, one arm supporting your spine and another under your legs. You squirm relentlessly in his arms, trying to make it hard for him to get a good grip on you. “Stop…Fucking…Moving–” Sharp, fire-hot pain zips up your body as claws sink deeply into your skin. The side of your thigh and abdomen throb with unbearable heat as you’re shoved closer to his chest. 

“Ahhh–fuck!” Your eyes sting with tears as your body catches up to the burning sensation of his claws retracting back into his body. 

“Shit…” You look up as you hear his softened voice and see that he’s staring right back at you. The portal in front of the two of you continues to hum, but it quiets as your eyes met his. “Kid, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean—You just, you gotta come with me. The fate of everyone and everything rests on our shoulders.” The pain on your side dulls as you silently listen to the growing desperation in his voice. Somehow you’re able to divert those sensations, you might even be healing already. “I know you’re new to all this superhero stuff, but trust me when I say that I need your help. We all do.”

You’re almost afraid to ask, “...We?” 

“There are countless spiders across the multiverse, all with interconnected lives.” You feel the large warmth of his hand gently stroke against your aching thigh like he’s trying to soothe the pain with light touches. “I’ve recruited a couple thousand, but we still need more. There's darkness rapidly spreading around the multiverse, displacing heroes and villains from their original dimensions and destroying whole universes.” The colors of the portal reflect off his red eyes as he stares right through it, mind somewhere else.

You let it sink in. The whole multiverse. Everything and everyone. And you.

Your arms slowly link around his neck so as not to startle him, and you pull yourself closer to him. You secretly enjoy feeling his firm chest against you, suddenly realizing how much larger he is compared to you, but when you twist the wrong way you are suddenly reminded of the small gashes on your side. Your quiet hiss shakes him out of his thoughts. Your lashes, sticky from the few tears you’ve shed, frame your eyes prettily as you stare up at him.

“Ok.” It comes out quieter than you wanted but he immediately reacted to it.

His brows raise in surprise, “Ok?” You nod. “Ok. O–Alright, that's um, great. I mean, thank you.” You nuzzle your head into the warmth of his chest when you see a corner of his mouth perk into a small smile. Why is he making you feel this way? How can your body react like this to someone about to literally kidnap them? “D-do you want something for these, uh, marks…” His voice is hushed and almost sounds sheepish as his fingers carefully smooth over the marks he left on your skin. A soft groan leaves your lips as he applies too much pressure against one of the puncture wounds.

“Yes please.” His fingers stop their movements and you can barely feel the way his body stiffens at your words. 

“Alright, honey.” The hand under your back drags upwards, tracing your spine until it rests against the back of your neck. Goosebumps litter down your body as the warmth of his palm meets your bare and ultra-sensitized skin. He lifts you closely until you can feel his breath against the skin of your throat. Your eyes flutter closed. “Brace yourself.” The rough timber of his voice is enough to make you unconsciously clench your thighs. Time slows as you feel the sharp edge of – are those fangs? 

You’re so focused on the gentle brush of his incisors that you barely notice the borderline possessive way he’s holding you. Like a wolf preparing himself for the meal of a lifetime. Just as he’s about to sink in and finally give you the relief that you’re practically begging for, an engine roars to life. 

An engine. In your bedroom. 

Well, there’ve been weirder things. 

Both of you separate slightly at the noise and watch as a motorcycle slowly rolls into the room. There sits a heavily pregnant spider-woman with a very unimpressed look on her face, eyes bouncing from you to the nameless man cradling your body.

“What the fuck is going on here?”

[lesbiansforangusmcdonald]

Ok, finals are over, so now I can FINALLY post my Pepe Sylvia theory about Porter actually being evil that has been ruminating in my head ever since I saw season 2! (spoilers for s2 of fantasy high, obviously)

(sorry if someone’s talked about it before and I couldn’t find it, but like WE NEED TO DISCUSS THIS BEFORE S3!)

Ok, so I noticed something when Ragh talked about the first time he saw Kalina in episode 4 of season 2 (“Heartache on the Celestine Sea”). He says that he saw Jace talking to some elven woman (who is revealed to be Adaine’s mom, Arianwen) and to “someone he couldn’t see. I just assumed somebody was invisible.” This is most likely Kalina, as Arianwen was there to get the Nightmare King’s crown and Kalina could have been helping her do that. However, this is important because, since Ragh could obviously see Kalina later on, this is a point in time when he couldn’t see Kalina.

Then Ragh says that after he saw that, Jace and Porter came to talk to him, and “Porter did some barbarian healing with me.” This seems normal enough, as Ragh had just been in a huge fight, but Ragh stipulates that “I didn’t feel that injured, honestly.” So this line already makes it seem as though Porter may have had some ulterior motive for healing Ragh.

Then, Ragh says that as he was walking home after this, he was approached by Kalina, who threatened to kill his mom if he said anything about seeing Arianwen at the school.

(the clip of the scene is here, if you wanna watch it, edited slightly for clarity)

So this makes me think that Jace and Porter knew Ragh saw Arianwen at the school, knew he would probably tell the Bad Kids about it, and Porter intentionally passed Kalina to Ragh through healing in order to ensure his silence.

AND if you’re thinking this may be a bit far-fetched, I’ll remind you that Landren Leir, the cleric of the unnamed goddess who infiltrated the elven Galicaean church after the fall of the unnamed goddess, also passed on Kalina via healing of the high-elven clergy, which she was then murdered for.

But in order to pass it on to Ragh at all, Porter must have been infected with Kalina as well, so here are some of my theories of what that could mean;

1. Porter had no idea he was infected and was just trying to heal a student.

I mean, totally possible, right? From most of the other angles, Porter seems like a decent guy; he supports Fig in barbarian class, he’s part of a community at his local gym, and he did get sucked into a palimpsest when Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was trying to take over the school — why would that happen if Porter wouldn’t have been opposed to what Kalvaxis/Goldenhoard was doing? And there are plenty of people who are infected with Kalina and never show any symptoms, and therefore never know. It could have been totally innocent. BUT it’s just a little too convenient, isn’t it? Ragh sees Arianwen at the school, and then right after he’s “randomly” infected with Kalina? It just doesn’t seem like a coincidence.

2. Porter knew he was passing Kalina onto Ragh, but wasn’t aware of the full plot to steal the Nightmare King’s crown.

I mean, also possible, right? Maybe Jace put Porter up to it, maybe he knew more than Porter did about the whole situation? Porter wasn’t initially mentioned as talking to Arianwen, maybe Jace just manipulated Porter because he knew that Ragh would trust Porter as his teacher. BUT I think that it would be kind of weird for Porter to be in the school, be infected, be around all of these other people who are in on this wider plot, but they don’t get him involved. Maybe they thought he wouldn’t go for it, thought he was too nice, but I’m not sure. I mean, I think this theory has more merit than the first one, like it’s possible, just would be a little weird.

3. Porter was in on the plot to bring back the Nightmare King.

I mean. Like I know this may not be another Loose Duke situation. But it’s possible! Like, he’s in the right positions! He works at the school. He has the trust of some of the bad kids. He didn’t openly support Kalvaxis or anything he did. Maybe their larger organization (which they do hint that there are more people throughout the world that want to bring back the nightmare king throughout the campaign) thought that he should lay low and hold onto the trust of the bad kids, just wait until the right time to strike. Again, the fact that he would knowingly put a student, one of HIS barbarian students, in such serious danger, in order to protect the larger interest of bringing back the Nightmare King, does not stack up well against him.

So, do I think that Porter will end up being the big bad of season 3, or even the elusive season 4? No, probably not. BUT I do think that he’s sus as fuck and we need to stay on our toes, because he could turn out to be more of a threat with the right opportunities.

[mode-lfy]

Hayoung - Delivery

A/N: Inspired by a TikTok clip I watched

“Hello? Where is my order? I ordered jajangmyeon like an hour ago.” You asked, when the call was connected to the delivery person.

“I’m on my way!” A voice answered.

The sound of traffic could be heard in the background.

“Where are you-” The call ended before you could ask where the person was.

“What the…?” You sighed in disbelief and frustration as the person hung up on you.

Within 15 minutes, there was a knock at the door and you opened the door to see someone bowing deeply with your food and money in your face.

“I’m sorry! I will refund your money. Please don’t report me!” The girl said.

You looked up and rolled your eyes, sighing but controlling your temper.

She looked up and tried showing her cute eyes to you.

“Keep the money. Thanks for delivering the food.” You took the food and sighed again before closing the door.

You went back to your living room and sat down, taking out the bowl of jajangmyeon that took an hour plus to arrive.

As you unwrap the plastic, and prepare to enjoy your meal. You see the sad scene of your noodles, you held your chopsticks and used it to held up the noodles, it was frozen into a clump. You tried reheating it but the noodle by then was too soggy when reheated.

You sighed once again and ate as much as you could handle before throwing away around half of the incredibly soggy noodles.

“Digusting.” You shook your head as you threw away the soggy noodles.

You decided to just sleep for the night after waiting a long time for a bad meal.

The next day, you woke up and started to work on a project that you have been working on for awhile now. You worked for a few hours before starting to feel your stomach growling, then you looked at the time and it was now noon. You decided to go down and buy lunch from a nearby convenience store.

==================================================

Hayoung meanwhile was trying to stop her mom from going up the lift. “Don’t your boyfriend stay here?” She asked.

‘... How do I tell mom that I broke up with my boyfriend and he doesn’t live here…’ Hayoung thought to herself as they waited for the lift.

Soon the lift opened and you walked out of the lift.

“Oh!” You recognised Hayoung, the girl who delivered your food last night.

“Oh! Kim Son-in-law. You didn’t have to come down and fetch us. Did Hayoung tell you I was coming?” Her mom came, happy to see youl.

You were stunned, as you looked at how happy the older lady was looking at you.

You looked over at Hayoung, ‘???’ you made a confused face at her.

She looked back at you, don’t know what to do.

The older lady, you assuming her mother, entered the lift and asked you two to come in as well.

“What floor are you staying?” She asked you.

“Well, eomma… actually… I…” Hayoung tried to tell the truth.

“It’s the 6th floor, mother.” You replied politely, pressing the 7th floor button.

“Your face look slightly different, did you lose weight?” Her mom asked.

“Yes, I did.” You said, bowing a little and smiling.

Hayoung look at you surprised as you continued to play along. You looked at her, staring for a spilt second before taking the gift package from her, helping Hayoung carry the gift package.

Her mom saw the action and smiled to herself, approving of you.

=================================================================================

Once inside your apartment, you took out the apples that Hayoung’s mom took out and peeled, cutting it before serving it on a plate to them.

“Wow~~~, you are so good in peeling and cutting the apples. Completely different from our Hayoung!” The older lady joked, praising you as you handed an apple on a fork to her.

“Take one.” You said, handing one to Hayoung.

“So, what do you like about my Hayoung?” Her mom asked, as she bites into the apple slice you handed to her.

“Well, she is a strong, brave girl and…” You looked at Hayoung, not knowing what else to come up with.

We

She looked at you, making gestures. ‘Say one more good thing about me please.’ She pleaded.

“Pretty and cute.” You praised Hayoung.

“Ah! You are really in love with my daughter.” Her mom said, happy with you.

“You got lied to by Hayoung, but you can’t get rid of her tho.” She said laughing, earning a weird look from Hayoung.

After a short conversation with Hayoung’s mom, she prepared to leave.

“It was nice meeting you, Kim Son-in-law.” She held your hand.

You and Hayoung looked at each other, she looked at you, giving you a slight nod and smile as thanks.

“I will let you two talk for a while.” Her mom said, giving you two a short time to talk and waiting at the lift area.

“Thank you.” Hayoung whispered once her mom was at a distance.

“It’s okay. Your mom is interesting.” You smiled.

“Well…” Hayoung, blushed.

“I don’t actually have a boyfriend, maybe… Can I have your number?” She asked, looking down and away.

You thought of it as cute and gave your number to her.

“Hayoung-ah, the lift is here. Give a hug to Kim Son-in-law and then come over.” Her mom said.

Hayoung gave you a small hug before leaving with her mom.

“Damn, I ordered a jajangmyeon and somehow got a girl for a date??” You joked to yourself as you went back to your apartment.

[frost-queen]

When the session begins (Reader x Jeremiah Valeska)

Requested by: anon, Forever tag: @missmelodramatic, @theletterhart, @alex--awesome--22, @elllie-does-the-posts, @floatlosers, @merlieve, @queen-of-books, @glimmering-darling-dolly, @denkisclown, @wildieflower, @meyocoko, @bubblybrianna, @justanothercoco @idkwhatmyusernameis,  @subjecta13-thefangirl, @m-rae23, @harleyquinnswifeyfrfr​

The click of your pen started the session. You lowered your clipboard. – “Mister Valeska.” – you began watching the criminal sit across from you. He was leaning back in his chair. Removing himself from the chair, he leaned forwards, hands folded on the table. – “Jeremiah.” – he said insisting on being addressed as. – “Of course.” – you muttered, crossing your legs. Jeremiah tilted his head to observe your posture. His gaze dropping down. – “How…” – you started ready to say your first question when he interrupted you. 

“Doctor, so formal.” – he said. – “I rather use your name.” – a smile curled up, watching your reaction. It took you by surprise for a second. Smirking, he waited for your response. You set your clipboard on your leg, leaning up against the table. – “If that is what you prefer?” – you answered formal. Jeremiah chuckled, batting his gaze down. – “Good, Y/n.” – he spoke slow, making you wonder what went through his mind. What purpose of using your name would mean for him. 

“May I?” – you asked wanting to start your session. You weren’t here for chitchatting, but to evaluate Jeremiah. He broke his hands apart, leaning back in his chair. An open gesture. – “How are you feeling today?” – you asked seeing him look bored away. – “Jeremiah.” – you addressed when he didn’t respond. He kept looking away, letting his gaze go to the wall. You sighed soft. – “We’ll be here a long time if you don’t answer my questions.”

Suddenly you saw him smirk. His posture leaning forwards, resting his chin on his knuckles. – “How was your day Y/n?” – he asked curious. You chuckled politely. – “Jeremiah, we are here for you, not for me.” – you answered with a stern stare. Him smiling cheeky at you, rocking his shoulders a bit. There was no getting anywhere with him. Clicking your pen, you ended the session. Jeremiah stared confused and panicky at you when you pushed your chair back. Getting up. 

“I’ll see you for the next session then.” – you spoke, turning your posture away from him. It was time to show him who the boss was. – “Wait!” – Jeremiah called out, slamming his fists against the metallic table. You paused, hand hovering on the doorknob. Turning back around, you waited for him to crawl. Beg for you to stay, if not you would just leave. There was no way you were letting a criminal like him mess with your head. – “Yes?” – you asked with a scowl. Jeremiah grunted, hating he had to beg and play along with this ridiculous charade just to be away from those lunatics in Arkham.

“Good.” – he mumbled barely hearable for you. – “I’m sorry what was that?” – you tilted your head a bit to the side. Staring intrigued at him. – “I’m good.” – he repeated louder with clear annoyance. You couldn’t hide your little smile of victory. – “Shall we continue?” – you asked to be clear. Jeremiah gestured at your chair for you to sit. So you did, clicking your pen once more. – “So Jeremiah…” – looking down at your papers clipped on your clipboard. – “Any recent violent thoughts?”

His reaction made it clear he thought this was pointless. – “Let me guess, you’ll show me some pictures later and ask what my first thought is?” – he widened his eyes with delight. – “If that is what you prefer.” – you replied, not giving him much attention. His jaw tensed watching you scribble down on your papers, barely looking up to him. Something inside of him snapped, grabbing the side of the table. He jumped up, pushing it aside with all his might. A deep grunt escaping his mouth as the table crashed against the wall. 

Startled, you stared shocked at him. Behind you went an alarm off. Two guards bursting in the room. They grabbed Jeremiah to maintain him. You watched as Jeremiah swayed his arms to get free. A loud laughter filling the room. Just what he wanted. You paying attention to him. – “Don’t be scared Y/n!” – he chuckled out as the guards dragged him away. Around you to where the door was to lock him back up. – “They can’t contain me!” – his laughter dying out in the hallway. Blinking rapidly, you needed a moment to process what just happened.

~~~

You already sat down when they brought Jeremiah in. This time hands cuffed. They sat him down roughly as he could only smile at you. He noticed you staring at his cuffs, showing them to you. – “How’s my accessory?” – he asked curious. – “Suits you.” – you responded hoping you wouldn’t struck a nerve. Instead Jeremiah smiled wider. – “So Jeremiah. Shall we try this again?” – you clicked your pen, crossing your leg. 

Jeremiah leaned back in his chair, giving you the stage. – “How are you feeling?” – you asked standardly. Jeremiah took a deep breath, eyes fixated on you. – “Tell me how I feel Y/n.” – he responded. – “Just answer the question.” – you sighed out, not wanting a wasted session like last time. Jeremiah wanted to cross his arms, but with his hands cuffed together it was unpractical. – “Debatable.” �� he answered as you scribbled his response down. – “Shall we discuss your last outburst?” – you suggested, looking up from your papers at him. 

“What? No standard questions? Y/n, you make my heart bleed.” – he acted out dramatically. Adding such flair, you knew the taunt behind it. One firm scowl of yours silenced him. – “Can you tell me what made you cause to overreact like that?” – you asked on a professional tone. – “You.” – he answered, catching you off guard. – “I…I’m sorry?” – you questioned, pen hovering over your papers. – “Can you be more specific?”

Jeremiah smiled, clapping his hands as best together as he could. – “What a performance!” – he blurted out cheery. Furrowing your brows, you were lost on him. – “You played your part very well.” – he said, checking you out. Jeremiah got up, pressing his hands on the table. You swallowed, moving your clipboard upwards, sinking down your seat. Jeremiah leaning over the table, drawing in closer. Him coming closer made your head move back, the clipboard up till your nose. 

“Look at me.” – he spoke, keeping his gaze fixated on you. His hands coming loose from the table. Touching the top of your clipboard, pushing it slowly down to reveal more of your face. A blush on your face, made him curl up a smile. – “Aren’t you ravishing.” – he commented, almost undressing you with his eyes. Parting your lips, you sucked in a deep breath, leaning self-consciously forwards. Jeremiah teased you a bit more, allowing his lips close to yours. Feeling his thumb on your chin made you gasp silently. 

“So needy.” – he whispered, smirking. He drew himself back as you stumbled back in your chair as if you were about to pass out. He sat back down chuckling. You needing a moment to recover yourself from such an intense moment. – “You should’ve paid attention to me Y/n.” – he casually answered, having turned his chair so that he’d face the wall. Leg in a triangle resting on his knee. – “I’m a star, I need a crowd to please, but when you go and ignore me… well.” – he opened his hands dramatically. – “I break things.”

You took notes, your hand moving rapidly over the paper as it wasn’t your best handwriting. – “Next question!” – he ordered, tapping with his finger on the table. – “Right… uhm… any violent thoughts?” – you asked making it known to yourself, you looked at him. Jeremiah let his head fall back, thinking with a loud breath. – “These lunatics makes me want to murder people every day.” – he answered honestly. He was staring at the ceiling not even paying you attention. Knowing very well, you were giving him all your attention. 

Just what he wanted. All eyes on him in the center of the ring. – “I’m a performer Y/n. I need attention, you know that right?”- he looked briefly at you seeing you nod. – “How do you cope being here at Arkham?” – you asked. – “Bored!” – Jeremiah answered loudly. You kept asking questions which he responded obedient. Perhaps stalling a bit to keep you longer around. After almost two hours was there a knock on the door. A head popped in, as you nodded. Clicking your pen, you uncrossed your legs. – “Our time is up here Jeremiah.” – you told him, getting up. Jeremiah got up as well in shock. – “But… but I have so much more to say.” – he called out.

“That will be for a next session then.” – you responded making way to the door. Jeremiah rushed around the table to you, grabbing a hold of you. – “I’ve been very bad Y/n! I’ll kill someone in this asylum!” – he called out in a desperate attempt. Two guards entered, pulling him off you. Jeremiah struggling to break himself free from their grip. – “You can’t leave yet! Y/n! I’ll kill someone! Y/n!” – he yelled out as you left through the door. – “Y/n!!!!!!” – your name screamed behind you, toying with your heart.

~~~

You entered the room you were so familiar with for the past few months. Regularly scheduled to evaluate Jeremiah’s state of mind. Jeremiah already sat down. He stared bitter in front of him. Two guards behind him. His hands cuffed to the table. It caught you off guard for a second before you took a seat. Jeremiah leaned closer, catching one of the guards step forwards. He sighed agitated, pulling back. 

The guard taking a step back. You swallowed nervously watching the guards. You were about to speak when Jeremiah took word. – “I’m annoyed. Yes of course I had violent thoughts as these halfwits test my itch to kill them. I am going insane staying here with these lunatics!” – he spoke. – “Each and one of them dumber then the other. I don’t belong here, a brilliant mind as myself should be treated as a king!” – he made clear, leaning back to mock the guards. 

“I’ll murder this entire facility if this endures!” – he slammed his fists violently against the table. The guards stepping forwards as you held them off with a simple gesture. Jeremiah took a deep breath. Leaning a bit closer. – “You… you are the only one keeping me sane.” – he whispered. He looked pitiful at you, showing you his cuffed hands. – “I won’t hurt you; you know that…”

You took a deep breath, looking up to the guards. – “You can leave.” – you ordered. One of them stepped closer. – “We have orders not too, Valeska is a dangerous criminal.” – he pointed out as Jeremiah grinned. – “I am well aware of him, but I can’t do my session with you present.” – you stared firmly over to them. – “My client is entitled to a confidential relationship. One only between a doctor and her patient. You are invading his privacy by being present. It’s against the law.” – you continued, barely giving the smiling Jeremiah a glance. 

“But…” – the guard muttered. – “Isn’t my client cuffed? I think it guarantees he won’t be of any harm to me.” – you pressed on. – “I won’t ask again, privacy for my client if you please!” – The guards looked at each other, swallowing nervously. With one nod, they had decided on the matter. They walked around the table over to your side. – “If he tries anything.” – one of them offered you a small can of pepper spray. 

You accepted it. Jeremiah rolling his eyes. You waited for them to leave, setting the pepper spray at the edge of your side. You scraped your chair back over the floor making Jeremiah frown. Walking around the table, you came sitting down on the edge of the table over on his side. Jeremiah grinning, staring hungry at you. – “I believe I answered all of your questions.” – he said. You smiled. – “So is this session over then?”

Jeremiah got up, letting his hand slide up your thigh as far as he was aloud with the cuffs. – “Far from.” – he grunted staring up at you. His touch made you shudder. Heart thumping louder in your chest. – “Which questions do you have for me doctor?” – he teased, bringing his lips closer to you. Practically overcooking, you were hot as lava. – “Well…” – you said, staring down at his lips. 

Those colorful lips that practically begged to be touched. To be cherished by your lips. – “I’ll answer honestly.” – he replied curling up a smile. Taking him by the neck, you pushed his lips on yours. Jeremiah’s eyes widening for a moment. You heard his cuffs jingle, bothered that his hands were trapped down. Him kissing you back till it made you realize what you were doing. Pushing him off you, your lips removed themselves from you. 

You immediately jumped off the table, backing away. Jeremiah traced his finger over his lips with a smile. Watching him enjoy himself so much made you shake your head. No, you did not just kiss him. There was no way, you just did. Swirling in a pit of denial, you ran out of the session. – “Y/n?” – Jeremiah called out, wanting to go after you, forgetting he was cuffed to the table. Grunting frustrated, he slammed his fist against the table.

~~~

Jeremiah got up with a sigh, already presenting his hands to the guards. He frowned when they just walked past his cell. – “Hey!” – Jeremiah shouted, gripping onto the bars. – “I’m talking to you! You need to come and get me!” – the guards paused, turning slowly back. – “And why would we do that?” – one of them asked chuckling. Jeremiah furrowed his brows. – “Because I have a session with my therapist Y/n!” – he answered bothered. The guards laughed loud. – “There is no session with your therapist.” – the other one told him. 

“What?” – Jeremiah stumbled stunned back. Unable to grasp you weren’t here today. His anger took over, grabbing onto the bars once more. – “I always have my sessions with her at this hour! She’s here!” – he made clear. The first one laughed even louder. – “She’s not.” – he told him. – “Maybe she figured you were a lost cause, just like everyone else.” – the other one laughed. Jeremiah clenched his jaw as the guards started their rounds again. – “I’ll kill you!” – he shouted at them. – “Your lying!” – his voice rasping from screaming so loud. 

His body shaking trying to break himself out. There was absolutely no way you’d cancel a session. You just wouldn’t. Everyday for the past three days now, had Jeremiah’s hopes been shattered. No sessions as you never showed up. No escapism for him out of this dreadful place. A rage boiling inside of him, increasing by the minute it exploded inside of him. Doing anything in his power to escape Arkham Asylum. He needed answers and he needed them now.

You switched the light off in your kitchen, making way into the living area. Gasping loud at the sudden figure in your apartment. Jeremiah taking casual his hat off. – “You’ve been neglecting your sessions Y/n.” – he stated. – “You’re in my apartment.” – you blurted out as a response. Shocked that he even broke out of Arkham. Jeremiah chuckled, looking down at the hat in his hands. – “It is unlike you to miss our sessions. 

Surely you wouldn’t think our kiss would have something to do with it.” – he spoke, batting his gaze up to you. Your eyes widened, staring in shock at him. – “We… we didn’t kiss.” – you told him, still in denial. Jeremiah tsked his tongue, approaching. – “I might be mad, but not delusional Y/n.” – he came to a stop inches away from you. With a brisk push of his finger, tilted he your head back by your chin. 

“You and I both know how very much real that kiss was.” – you swallowed at how luring his eyes stared down at yours. – “So don’t go lying to me again.” – he whispered bringing his head closer to yours. He smiled, suddenly turning around. You stumbled back as you did once before when he first had you in his clutches. Effected by his charm on you. – “I thought we were making progress with our sessions Y/n. Last one was my favorite.” – he smirked over his shoulder to you.

“You surely aren’t done with me yet, are you? Certainly not after that kiss.” – he spun back around, approaching sturdy making you back away against the wall. Jeremiah pressing his arm above your head on the wall. – “For I am sure not done with you.” – he spoke, letting his finger slide up your jaw. – “So tell me doctor.” – he stared down at your lips, licking his seductively. – “Why’d you neglect me after our kiss?” – your senses were overreacting. 

Heart beating faster. Pulsating in your neck. Palms getting sweaty as lust was begging to take over the wheel. He tilted your head back, his hand against your jaw. – “I…I…I…” – you stuttered, barely getting any words out. – “Yes.” – Jeremiah said patiently waiting. – “Kiss me.” – you begged seeing him smile wider. – “With pleasure doll.” – he breathed out before bringing his lips closer. You were getting on the tips of your toes, needy for his lips. 

Jeremiah chuckled pulling a bit away, watching you yearn desperately for him. – “Only if you continue our sessions?” – he asked. You nodded vigorously, grabbing him by the shoulder to need those lips on yours now. Finally he allowed you the taste of his lips, kissing them forcefully. A therapist having fallen for her patient. There was something about Jeremiah that made you loose control. Control like you have never let loose before.

--------------------------------------------------------

Read more of my fics on my Masterlists!  

[bl00dst41ned]

*.·:·.✦ the other man ✦.·:·.*

pairing: trent alexander-arnold x female oc (named her Alexis)

summary: in which Trent wonders who is the man who got his crush Alexis', attention

author's note: i’m slowly but surely writing for some other football crushes. heavily inspired by the storyline of Sloane and Doug in Grownish (my fraudulent self never watched it, just saw the clips on Twitter). 

warnings: parent character, mention of kids (in case you fear them)

word count: 785

“Alexis” Trent called for the fourth time that night as the girl kept texting on her phone.

“Oh-” Alexis finally looked up to him and immediately apologized awkwardly. “Sorry”

The two were on a date at an Italian restaurant, which she claimed to be her favourite. It must not since Alexis spent her time checking her phone every too often.

“It’s okay” Trent sighed before sipping from his glass of water.

Despite her bizarre behaviour, he still wanted to get to know her. They ordered their food before going back to talking.

“So…how did your doctor’s appointment go, yesterday?” Trent started, trying to engage in a conversation during their meal.

“Oh it was fine, but it was not for me” Alexis responded innocently, concentrating on the plate of gnocchis in front of her and trying her best to ignore her phone.

“Really ?……oh”

Her response had made Trent’s suspicious thoughts come back to his mind. Nobody refuses a date to go to a simple friend’s appointment. 

Maybe it was for something serious and she just played it off. 

It might be for a family member.

He tried to give Alexis excuses but the more he tried, the more it seemed weird. During their few encounters and previous dates, she had awakened his interest and he wanted to see where this could go. But every time she would be glued to her phone, checking it every two seconds. They could never have a continual conversation without her receiving a call and Alexis would always come back and excuse herself claiming it was nobody. 

Maybe there was someone else in her life.

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ───── ───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆─────

They had finished their dinner and were just enjoying each other’s company before being interrupted by Alexis’ phone. She looked at the contact name and stood up with her coat in her hand.

“I’m sorry, I have to pick up” Alexis did not even give him time to say anything, she was outside, her phone to her ear. Trent, whose exasperation had reached a new level, decided to ask for the check, pay and join her outside.

Just as he walked out the door, the girl hung up and approached him, wondering what he was doing.

“I paid already” Trent spoke lowly,  handing her her bag.

“O-okay” She stuttered a bit confused and remorseful.

“I’ll drop you off, don’t worry” Trent grabbed her hand in his, heading towards his car.

He first went on the passenger side, opening Alexis’ door for her, letting her in before going to the driver’s side and getting in himself.

They were ready to go but Trent did not start the engine, his mind too clouded.

“Are we…gonna go or?” Alexis asked in a small voice, confusion heard in her tone.

“I have to ask you something but don’t take it the wrong way” He started looking ahead.

“Is there someone else in your life?” His question had surprised Alexis and made her nervous.

Today was not the day she wanted to tell him. She knew she had to, but not now.

“Um, not really but...” She gave an unclear response, looking down at her hands as she played with them to calm her nerves. “I should just show you”

She grabbed her phone going through her gallery before turning the screen to him.

“His name is Leo. He’s about to turn two. And…yeah, that’s the other man in my life” Alexis told him in a shy voice. “That’s why I always check my phone”

Trent looked at the photo in disbelief. He had imagined all the scenarios in his head, but not this one.

“Woah” was the only word to come out of his mouth.

“Haven’t thought of that outcome, yeah?” She chuckled a bit looking at the picture of her son. “I had him in a previous relationship and my mind has been focused on him ever since”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I thought you would stop talking to me. It’s the first time in years I kinda felt something for someone and I was scared it would ruin it” She played with the rings on her hand still not making eye contact.

“Don’t worry about it. I’m glad you came clean about it” Trent reassured her. “At least, your mind is lightened, and mine too”

The young girl agreed before Trent started the car and drove back to her home. The entire ride, they had spoken about Leo. Alexis told him a few anecdotes all with a big smile on her face.

The excitement she expressed just thinking about him made Trent even more attracted to him. He discovered a new aspect of her: a loving mom whose world revolved around her son.

like, repost and suggest if you want to (hope you enjoyed it)

also tell me if you want a part 2 ( I'll do it anyway so whatever)

masterlist for more

[heyyallitssatan]

So I saw a headcanons about Janus being colour blind, and when he lies he can see colour for a minute, but no one else knows about it

So here’s my headcanons for how the dark boyfriends sides found out below the cut

Remus and Virgil were watching Disney conspiracy theories on YouTube when Janus came down to see what all the ruckus was about.

As it turned out they had since moved on from Disney conspiracy theories and were currently watching “Ultimate Trump Fail Compilation”. They were dying of laughter when they noticed Janus standing there staring at them.

They pulled him onto the couch and rewinded to the last clip, and watched Janus as he watched.

He fought back a smirk as he said in his usual deadpan tone, “Well that wasn’t the highlight of my day.”

They died, right then and there, all over again, Janus brand of deadpan sarcasm had always managed to get them going, especially when they were already giggly.

And with that one little lie, Janus saw something he had never seen before; Virgil’s eyeshadow had turned purple.

With every lie that Janus told, he got to experience colour vision for a moment, something he lacked the rest of the time, and given that, along with how little Virgil relaxed enough to make a colour change, this was the first time he had ever seen it.

“Virgil, your eyeshadow, it’s… purple.”

He had scrunched his face up in a look of confusion, something that Virgil’s over analysing brain took to mean he didn’t like it, as such, the eyeshadow started to lose its newfound colour, which Janus didn’t notice, thinking it was just his vision fading.

Remus popped up right in time to almost save it, “Of course it is J-anus”

And in a small, vulnerable voice, Janus asked, “Has it always been purple?” As he looked away from Virgil.

“Of course not Janny, only when he’s happy, and the storm cloud over there doesn’t do that often,” Remus responded, indicating to Virgil, who was still confused and staring silently.

The smallest ‘oh’ escaped his lips, as he stared down at the ground.”

“How could you not know that, it might be rare but he’s done it around us plenty enough for you to notice, I mean, even I did.”

While was faltering for words to write this off, some suave lie that would get him out of this and show him if there were any other colours he had missed Virgil seemed to at least somewhat piece together part of the puzzle.

“…You’ve never seen it change, have you?”

“No.”

“How have you never looked at me long enough to see it?”

“What? No, it’s not that, it’s not that at all, the truth is…”

“Come on Jan, tell us.”

“…I’m not colour blind.”

“Oh Jan, I’m so sorry, I didn’t know,” came from Virgil at the same time as Remus’, “Why the hell didn’t you tell us?”

“I…don’t know. I just…”

Virgil sighed, “It’s okay Jan, we can talk about it later, for now, let’s just watch the video.”

“Yes, that’s exactly what we should do.”

“Ok then, you want to explain?”

“…Yes.”

“C’mon work with us here, we gotta pick something.”

“Yea J-anus, explain, we’re just dying to know,” Remus responded as he mimicked some strange death scene, maybe Romeo?

“Fine…I’m not colour blind, and when I lie I can’t see colour.”

“Oh Jan…”

“Don’t, don’t pity me.”

“It’s not pity J-anus, he’s beating himself up for never realising, something he should stop doing before I turn in a brain eating amoeba a feat all the bad thoughts.”

“You are the bad thoughts?”

“Oh…I’ll eat myself then, starting now!”

“Yes of course Remus, you absolutely should,” Janus drawled out while he pulled Remus’ hand out of his mouth.

The night continued similarly, important conversations being had in between bouts of goofing off, mostly from Remus. He did it whenever one of them started thinking too much, they’d always had a bad habit of that, but it seemed to work, so he kept doing it.

Eventually all of the necessary explanations and talking had happened, and now they had to decide what to do. So naturally they chose for Janus to tell blatant lies over and over, so that he could see different colours they were showing him. It became a game of them describing the colours to him, then showing him, which seemed to make him laugh quite a bit. They also discover that when one of them lied Janus could see their colours, like their hair and clothes.

But of all the talking they had done that night, they had never really brought up Virgil’s eyeshadow again, but it stayed purple the rest of the night, and they realised that the white strike in Remus’ hair could glow radioactive green when he got excited.

At the end of the night, which was actually the beginning of the morning, they had shown Janus all of the colours they could imagine, so they asked him which was his favourite. He responded, in a quiet tired voice while he stared up at them from whatever strange pile they had found themselves in, where limbs went numb and melded together and no one really knew where they ended and someone else began, “Not purple, or green,” in an effort to see them one last time before his eyes finally slipped shut.

Virgil and Remus fell asleep just the same, but not before quietly admitting they they quite like yellow too.

[liaromancewriter]

Day One (2/6)

Series Premise: What happened when Cassie met Sienna? Small moments that defined their friendship.

Book: Open Heart Characters: Cassie Valentine (F!MC), Sienna Trinh Rating/Category: Teen. Fluff. Words: 1,140 TW: Mention of minor character death

Catch up: Part 1

A/N: Submission for @choicesficwriterscreations You Go Girls event, and to @aprilchallenge prompt "laughter".

The penthouse apartment at the edge of Boston’s Beacon Hill neighborhood was quiet. Too quiet. Sienna Trinh glanced around the empty living room and kitchen. She thought how strange the apartment felt without Cassie Valentine in it.

From day one, she and Cassie had felt an instant connection as roomies. Sharing confidences and midnight snacks when neither could sleep. Baking cookies on a Sunday morning while the others slept in. Unwinding after a long day with a binge session of trashy reality TV shows and popcorn.

This apartment had become a home in the past year and a half. A refuge from the hard choices they faced as residents.

Eight months ago, Sienna had almost abandoned her dream of becoming a doctor. The realities of medicine were too harsh, even more so now with everything they’d been through.

In the space of forty-eight hours, Sienna had lost a dear friend to a senseless poison attack, watched another fall into a coma and urged her best friend to fight with everything she had. Except for a brief moment, Cassie hadn’t let despair derail her determination to live.

She closed her eyes and sighed deeply. It was late, and she should be asleep. She was working a double shift starting tomorrow, which was brutal without proper rest. But she knew sleep was the farthest thing from her mind right now. What she needed was her bestie.

Sienna wanted Cassie here, in this apartment that represented everything safe and good and right in their lives. Not in a sterile hospital room with machines beeping at all hours and the acerbic smell of antiseptic that permeated the walls.

An idea formed, and before she could talk herself out of it, Sienna marched into the bedroom to set everything into motion.

Almost an hour later, Sienna ducked inside the staff entrance, reflecting on how different Edenbrook was at night. The access to the Emergency Department and ambulance bay were always busy, but this part of the building was quieter. Most residents on the night shift were either on the floor or in the on-call room.

She first dropped her bag in the resident’s locker room, clipped her hospital ID on the lapel of her cardigan and then took the elevator to the medicine floor.

Visiting hours were long over, thought Sienna, but there were distinct advantages of working in a hospital. The nurse on duty would just assume she was on shift and checking on a patient. And that’s precisely what happened.

Not wanting to disturb Cassie if she was asleep, Sienna creaked open the door and popped her head through the crack. The ceiling lights were on low, and adjusting her eyes took a few seconds.

Sienna smiled when she saw Cassie was awake and thrumming her fingers against her stomach, as she did when she was bored.

“Want some company?” she called out.

“Hey! What are you doing here?” Cassie smiled in welcome, pressing the button to raise the back of the hospital bed.

Sienna entered, gently closing the door behind her, and placed a carry-on bag at the foot of the bed.

“I come bearing gifts. If you’re in the mood, of course,” she added quickly. “I can come back tomorrow if you’re tired.”

“Don’t you dare!” Cassie warned. “But, you’re not allowed to ask how I’m doing. Deal?”

Sienna pursed her lips as if considering, and then she grinned. “Deal!”

“I didn’t see you all day,” Cassie commented as Sienna pulled the visitor’s chair closer. “My parents were here earlier. I wanted them to meet you.”

“I’m sorry,” Sienna said. “I know Max wanted Twin Time, so I made myself scarce. And then I got busy with patients. I’m on the ICU floor this week.”

“It’s not a complaint, Si,” Cassie assured her. “I missed you, that’s all.”

She glanced curiously at the bag at the foot of the bed. “I’m dying to know what’s inside.”

“Well…” Sienna beamed and unzipped the bag, reaching inside with all the dramatic flair of Elijah’s unboxing videos. “I asked myself, if I had to stay in a hospital room, what would make that tolerable?”

Cassie gasped when Sienna pulled out her favorite nightgown. It was black silk with a scooped neckline and trimmed with lace. The matching robe followed.

“I can’t tell you how much I hate this hospital gown,” Cassie murmured, hugging the folded gown and robe to her chest like a teddy bear. “I’m going to get changed. Right now.”

She shoved the covers aside and climbed out of bed. Cassie waved away Sienna’s concern as she held on to the bed’s guardrail for a minute, letting her tired leg muscles adjust to gravity.

Cassie straightened once she had her bearings and carefully walked into the attached bath.

Sienna waited near the bathroom door in case her friend called for help, but Cassie returned a few minutes later with a pep in her step. Still, Sienna could see she was out of breath and helped her back into bed.

“What else?” Cassie asked, rubbing her hands in excitement.

Sienna pulled out an emergency make-up kit and portable mirror and set them on the tray trolley in front of Cassie. She also showed her the curling iron but didn’t remove it from the bag.

“Si!” Cassie exclaimed loudly before lowering her voice. “Omigod! You’re a miracle worker. A saint. They should name buildings after you.”

Sienna cheerily winked, grinning at the happiness on her bestie’s face. She still remembered how Cassie had looked in that room, sunken eyes, face drawn, a sense of defeat threatening to ruin everything.

“I mean, I know Ethan’s seen me at my worst, but I felt haggard every time he came to check on me,” Cassie said, unzipping the make-up bag and removing a few essentials. “Max just doesn’t get the life-affirming qualities of a good concealer and pretty lip gloss.”

“I know Max knows you best. But, as wonderful as he is, he’s still a guy.” Sienna shook her head in mock dismay. “And therefore clueless about what women truly need.”

Sienna rolled her eyes, and they both giggled. Soon they were doubled over in laughter, unable to stop even as they sucked in air.

“He tries his best,” Cassie said, wiping at the tears spiking her eyelashes. “Bless his heart.”

She held out the foundation to Sienna. “I know it’s the middle of the night, but I don’t want to wait till morning to feel like myself. Will you help me? My hands are still a bit shaky. The after-effects of everything, I suppose.”

Sienna sat down on the side of the bed and helped her friend feel like herself again. Later, she would think it was the best sleepover of her life, but thankfully not the last she would share with her best friend.

-------------

All Fics & Edits: @annfg8 @bluebelle08 @coffeeheartaddict2 @crazy-loca-blog @doriopenheart @genevievemd @headoverheelsforramsey @lucy-268 @jamespotterthefirst @jerzwriter @lady-calypso @mainstreetreader @peonierose @potionsprefect @queencarb @quixoticdreamer16 @rookiemartin @socalwriterbee @takemyopenheart @tessa-liam @trappedinfanfiction

Submissions: @choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[alittlefrenchtree]

See to me- I always just vibed with Alex more than Henry (from the first time I read the book)

And I will admit I was bit ‘eh’ when Taylor (and Nick!!) were announced just because it wasn’t visually what I thought of firstprince but then when I saw them in the outfits and Taylor talking about RWRB I thought yes this is Alex(!) Nick actually had to convince me a bit more.

So, from when I saw the trailer and clips, I was convinced by TZP as Alex and I was impressed by his acting.

But, as everyone says Nick had the chance to shine more. And that is why more articles were written, as well as the obvious (racism). But he had to do several crying/emotional scenes and even the sex scene it was focused on Henry more than alex so he could show the slight facial expressions etc. Hence, Nick could show off a bit more than Taylor could. As even though Alex had difficulties he was largely supported by his family and had Nora. Henry was in a family and Institution that hated him and his dad dying and having to hide himself so Nick could be more sad and emotional whereas Alex’s anxiousness wasn’t a storyline and the divorce was also taken away. This is further proved that Taylor’s most rated scenes were when he discussed racism (which was only talked about once) and his coming out scenes.

But, as I was more drawn to Alex/TZP. From the first time I watched it, I was focusing on them more than Nick/Henry. And I was blown away and as that anon said it is subtle but I think brilliant.

Like, I really feel (maybe I’m wrong) Nick was chosen and asked to play Henry whereas Taylor had to audition for it. So, I do think all the writers and Matthew wanted to give Nick more chance to shine and told him to act things in a certain way(?) Not that they were trying to hinder Taylor but I really feel like they thought Henry is the more emotional one whereas Alex is a bit more laid back but Alex still has undiagnosed ADHD (which again TZP did subtle signals) and anxiety. Like take the eye contact scene in the NYE scene, there was so much more focus on Henry than Alex. Again I do not think Matthew did this in a negative way as he loves Taylor and would not have casted him if he wasn’t convinced but I do think they had a certain vision for Henry.

Sorry for the rant but I just adore Alex and how Taylor played him. To me he is an amazing actor and it is horrible the amount of hate he gets especially as a lot of it if not all is rooted in racism.

Hey there! Thank you for your very interesting message. A lot to unpack in your words so I’m going to try not to be too long.

I wasn’t there before so I didn’t have any opinion on the cast early on but I do understand how hard it is to accommodate with actors when you’ve been sitting with the characters of a beloved book for so long. 

I’m completely on board with connecting with TZP’s Alex first. I’ve already talked about it in a previous post so I’m not going to dwell on the subject but you are right indeed about the difference of treatment between actors of comedy and actors of drama. It doesn’t devalue any of their respective work but it does mean we need to jump on every occasion to praise the performance that are overlooked.

What you said next is really interesting even if I’m not sure I agree.

Firstly, because I don’t actually know how Nick has been attached to the project, if he has auditioned or how he was approached for the project. I only know he was on board first and that they struggled for quite a time before finding the right Alex. So I can’t know if or how the process has had any kind of influence over the making of the movie.

Secondly, I have two other theories about why you might feel that way.

The main one is the way the story is told. The book is a Alex’s POV from start to finish and the movie is mostly an exclusive Alex’s POV so you’re supposed to feel that way. Closer to Alex and falling in love with Henry while he does. You need less focus on TZP’s acting to understand who Alex is and what’s his story because you have many scenes to explain how he feels at any second of the movie. But you need to rely on Nick’s acting to understand Henry because you doesn’t get to see the world through his eyes for the majority of the movie.

And since you’re supposed to be in Alex’s shoes, you get to see specific scenes through his eyes. Like the night in Paris. You’re seeing Henry’s face through Alex’s eyes. Hence the moment being so mesmerizing for the audience.

So yeah, I’m pretty sure that’s why you feel like Nick’s was asked to act a certain way or has more chance to shine. In a sense, it’s probably true but for me it was mostly in the service of the storytelling. Since Alex doesn’t look at himself with the same amount of love he has when he looks at Henry, the gaze on him and the way of acting him is different.

That’s for the artistic part of the theory.

When I read your ask I thought about something else and the lovely reality of capitalism 🩷 Since Nick was casted first and was the most known (and the most white) of the two, I guess his name was the more important for the producers and Amazon during the process of making the movie -- in a sense that they've probably relied on him first to drag attention to the movie and money to their pockets. I don’t know movie paper work enough to know if or how and to which extend it could have influenced the movie but I guess it's a possibility.

Of course none of this is Nick’s fault or depreciate his performance as Henry 💜 But it’s an interesting talk, thank you for stopping by my inbox 🙏😘

[radiocity]

honestly, what's your take on the l word? atp i can't tell if it's just shit but i'm too far along to stop. the 5th and 6th seasons seem to be done in a complete different tone too and there's so many problematic aspects just slapped in for unecessary drama. still.. i like the main characters a lot and it is representation at the end of the day. Maybe it would've been cooler if they just did more of a 'slice of life' thing instead of 'drama rama cheating on people is like a slip of the hand thing due to the strong nuclear force'

anyway interested in your take, what do you think are the well- and badly- handled aspects of the show, how do you reflect on the story and character building?

stay cool out there (◕‿◕)♡

MY TAKE ON THE L WORD? getting this ask made me so excited you have no idea how much I love talking about the l word. So excited in fact that I wrote 6165 words about it, sorry, I am so severely unemployed right now. here, I talk about my thoughts, some theory, and then break down some of the intrinsic problems with the show, specifically how it thinks about gender and nonconformity, race, and transgender identities, within the scaffolding of it being a show concerned with women who have relationships with other women, rather than necessarily a truth of lesbianism. i’m citing various linked sources and very loosely using an academic approach, but it’s more like a messy collage of sources than it is a fully fleshed out argument and narrative! if you want the tl;dr, I’d recommend scrolling to the final 3 paragraphs

tbh I haven’t watched it in a while but I really want to rewatch the whole thing and go back to my gif series instead of just making random sets (don’t be put off by my absence its bc I was doing my master’s degree and then I got really sick) and maybe thinking so intensely about tlw these past 3 days will inspire me into it .

I’d be really interested in hearing any thoughts on response to any of this, even though it’s not particularly well written or formulated, so feel free to drop a message/reply/response anywhere if u or anyone else is compelled to. anyway response under the cut ->

so, my opening thoughts on the l word revolve around two things: there is nothing about this show that makes it an inherently lesbian show, and that it functions as a product of its time, not in culture but in Hollywood and show running. the imagined audience of TLW isn’t necessarily the modern ‘sapphic’ audience watching things like First Kill (2022), Do Revenge (2022), or Crush (2022) which are all, generally, pointed towards a younger audience seeking things like validation and romantic projection (from what I understand, and I’ll admit I haven’t watched any of these! But I have read synopsis and seen clips, so I’ll watch soon I promise). I do think this conversation has re-emerged a little in the growing conversations about wanting sexy lesbians having sex, which is a conversation that surrounded Love Lies Bleeding (LLB, 2024) for quite a while, repeating this argument that what lesbians want isn’t romance or tension, but sex, real sex, sex on screen and sex on TV. of course, it’s a little difficult for showrunners to ‘do’ sex or sexual content without it being so brazenly for men – and here I’ll step out and say when, in this context, I discuss women being looked at and ‘male gaze’, it’s more under the original theory of laura mulvey that women are objectified by the camera as men are in control of production, and here I’ll link the article (it’s very short, but I refer largely here to section B) – and to equally appeal to women looking at women but who are, equally not free from patriarchal understandings of the ‘correct’ and ‘incorrect’ ways of being attracted to women. I feel a good example of how we saw this was the big tiktok-wide discussion about sapphic cottage-core as an equally white endeavour, a sort of softcore launching of racist white American ideals of frolicking on a plantation. For showrunners to produce sexual lesbian content now, it needs to contend with who will be doing its marketing for them, i.e. a lot of people on tiktok talking about how LLB is for the ‘lesbian gaze’, whatever that means, or that these things are perhaps attractive to men in general, but are specifically geared to being attractive to lesbians specifically. Actually candace Moore, in a really brilliant article (and if u want access and don’t have it… just let me know) describes, through gaze theory, the notion of the straight viewer as a “tourist” and the “traveller”. Here:

Problematizing a distinction between the tourist, who "gladly or unknowingly accepts Disneyland's versions of the world's wonders," and the traveler, who "seeks and knows how to recognize authenticity," Strain argues that perhaps these archetypes are, if not one and the same, both victims to the notion that there is an "authenticity" available to be misrecognized, or grasped, in the first place. (10) But what of the lesbian viewer? (11) At first glance it would seem that the lesbian viewer falls outside of the already-tenuous tourist and traveler distinction, being a "local" intimately familiar with this culture. However, insofar as lesbian spectators are consuming mediated images of themselves, I argue that not only do straight audiences engage in a form of tourism when viewing the The L Word, but lesbian audiences, even those from Southern California, do too. The distinction between the tourist, the traveler, and, in this case, the local-as-consumer becomes blurred. Locals drawn to the latest "lesbian attraction," lesbians enjoy The L Word's eye candy along with straight "tourists." Like straight "travelers," they seek to identify albeit illusory "authentic" elements of the representation. However, for the queer viewer, the mediated reality of the show will never match up to reality. While the tourist and the traveler of The L Word are at base one and the same, the distinction between them lies not in what they are, but what they think they are; how they conceive of their own intentions, levels of "expertise," relationships to the local culture, and the "gains" that they take away--whether they travel for pleasure or for knowledge. It is through the enticement of lesbian sex (a spectacle of attraction for straight and queer viewers alike) and through the wonderment of either "understanding" the other or "recognizing" oneself (fantasy of authenticity), through both "watching from a remove" and "being there," that The L Word captivates its straight and queer tourists.

Pulling away from the academic angle, I don’t agree with the idea of LLB being for a lesbian gaze, nor do I think that TLW was ‘for’ lesbians more than it was ‘enjoyed’ by lesbians – a show that can hit as many audiences at once is a good thing. dennis cass for the slade in 2004 wrote that the L word “often feels like it’s not about being gay at all” and that a lot of what the show presents is pretty removed from any lesbian experience as we know it, additionally writing on bette and tina’s marriage counselling that they “aren’t merely in couples therapy, they’re seeing one of L.A.’s hottest personal gurus—that you not only forget they’re lesbians, but that they live on Earth.” A pretty accurate read for how removed a lot of TLW is from anything, and, to me, sort of bypasses any notion of ‘representation’ by just how fantastical it is. ginia bellafante also wrote in 2009, after s6 aired, that “’The L Word’ is a Sapphic Playboy fantasia in which women with wrinkles or squishy thighs or an aversion to lingerie appear to have been flagged down on the freeway with urgent instructions to move to Seattle”. basically, yeah

TLW itself is very clearly appealing to its heterosexual audiences at the same time it appeals to lesbians, even through the same mechanisms – the character’s conventional attractiveness, their skinniness, their lack of bras and how you can 9/10 times see their nipples through their shirts, and all the lesbian sex shown in as much detail as they could get away with – and that is the core driving force of the show in a lot of ways. we can’t really have another TLW today for the same reasons that all media from the early 2000s has shifted to give women more complex characters, arcs, appearances, and functions – and that’s a good thing, obviously – which in turn demonstrates the lack of these things the characters in TLW actually had. At its core, it’s sexy and men are the people behind the companies getting it on TV, not necessarily specific men but the shadow of patriarchy and how women exist on the screen. This isn’t to say media creation and output has become a liberal utopia for women’s rights, but rather there has definitely been a shift in how women exist on screen and what roles they were given before – think easy fast and furious, or megan fox in transformers, or even how very popular musicians styled themselves and appeared to the massive; Shakira, Jennifer lopez, Britney spears, etc – which, to me, reflects a way in which TLW capitalises off the straight heteropatriarchy in its desire to show sexy women at all times, always available to be ogled. in a way, this sorta aligns with bellafante’s observation that the show had ‘never aligned itself with the traditionalist ambitions of a large faction of the gay rights movement’ (written in 2009, 6 years before gay marriage was legalised in the us) – the liberator in the l word is sex, and that’s what all the characters are constantly aiming for, nothing else. Similarly, the show gets so obsessed with defining who or what a lesbian is (throughout the whole of s1 as they look for signs of lesbianism in jenny, with jenny at that party, or with dana talking about her ‘gaydar’, and so by doing this it turns lesbianism into a visual brand, something that be hidden in plain sight, appeasing both the hetrosexual viewer and the lesbian seeker - Martina Ladendorf describes a branding of lesbian identities through TLW in a form of “thingification”, and so “the representations of lesbian identities are discursively displaced and the identity position “lesbian” is partially filled with new meanings in the televised text of The L-word.”  Ladendorf offers a far more generous reading than I do – to me, a lot of TLW needs to extrapolate lesbians from their womanhood and vice versa, creating a sort of woman who is a lesbian, rather than, simply, a lesbian

naturally, the l word is inherently a misogynist show , and in a lot of ways I think it’s unavoidable to think about when it comes to discussing schematics or opinions of the show, it’s a show full of, in the words of liz feldman in this interview, ‘beautiful lesbians with just nothing but time on their hands… and just somehow also money’. Obviously, the stereotypes the show puts forwards make it feel pretty cheap at time, and when the show ventures out into attempting to either tackle or just include plotlines about poverty, racism, transphobia, infidelity, (or plotlines it totally avoids, like conversations on butchness, gender non-conformity, or transfemininity), it honestly just gets stranger and stranger, not to mention the very active racism present in the show, via how pam grier’s character was written, handled, and expanded upon when she was by far one of the most skilled and seasoned actors on the show. a lot of issues I and other people have are through this lens, and hence why a lot of the pushback focuses on how little was understood about trans people in mainstream media back then, or how the show was just such a landmark moment that it was purely reflective of the times so it’s just nit-picking to be pointing out all its negative parts, which isn’t a sentiment I agree with at all, and instead I think of the l word as being both progressive and problematic for these reasons. Even as an addition, I feel like TLW is why we just don’t really need more tv shows like the L word… because we have the L word, and it’d be nice if we could have something different

so, when I talk about and recommend the l word I usually put it in these terms: season 1 is a phenomenal piece of storytelling and such a compelling way to create and introduce a show all about lesbianism to a world that is not filled with parallel lesbians, but rather is the only show on air in the world doing that exactly, and, following that, season 4 gets a little art deco and experimental as it pushes its characters through new, meaningful struggle, like tasha working in the military under ‘don’t ask don’t tell’ (fuck the army though), max living his new reality as a trans man (yeah it was dealt with horribly), bette dating jodi and this inviting so much conversation about art, disability, and deafness into the mix, and, in other ways, jenny and tina working together on her show, helena’s… gambling addiction or whatever, kit’s nonsense relationship shane’s nonsensical relationship. Imo these two seasons show the best of what the L word has to offer, which is, in S1, a sensitive introduction that pushes jenny through the wringer as she really becomes herself and takes hold of her destiny, and then in S4, these characters all essentially performing at their apex, in love, making mistakes, trying again, to the best of the l word’s ability to show any of this (relatively speaking, it’s the best TLW ever gets)

with all this in mind, I do think the show thrives in really profound ways at times. The real hook of it is, and always has been, season 1, which is just this ferociously strong exploration in television about such a serious sensitive topic, jenny’s coming out. a lot of criticism sort of facetiously responds to jenny’s character by focusing on her writing quality (which I honestly thought was fine lol!), and will ignore sincerely engaging with her in favour of laughing at how bad her character became as the writer’s lost the plot more and more, but I really do think that jenny in the first two seasons was just phenomenal, and mia kirshner’s fantastic meditative performance just stole the entire show for me. In season 1 as we are introduced to the show and their world through jenny’s process of coming out and ripping her life apart at the seams to live her ideal life (even if it was very explosive with marina and didn’t end well), which I just thought was such captivating writing about that moment of choice, where a character has to decide whether or not they’ll live their easy life or do the difficult thing. one of the scenes I have always come back to is in s1 where jenny has sex with tim and cries afterwards because that moment for her is the one where she realises she just can’t do it anymore, and seeing that in the show was just really otherworldly for me, I loved it and I thought it was amazing, and then later on in season 2 where jenny asks shane to cut her hair for her – a real splitting off from her regular, comfortable life, to ‘become’ a lesbian in heart and soul, was again just another moment where the writing and directing teams could really show some muscle in just how good the show could be, before dropping all presences and going back to whatever drivel they’d been doing. As a more technical note on the show, the inconsistent directors and writing is really hilarious, and sometimes the drop in quality between episodes is… staggering, to say the least

tbh s1 functions well as a drama-comedy mix because those scenes, as well as tina and bette’s fertility journey, is spliced within the rest of the nonsense going on, which I felt crafted this really enjoyable diametric swing throughout . arguably more than anything, jenny’s coming out was the best and most meaningful part of the show, and I really haven’t seen much other lesbian media hold a candle to it (though I could name a few). What they did with jenny as the show went on was disappointing to say the least, but s2 had a lot of heart in it as they attempted to have her coming to terms with her abuse (naturally, having finally discovered herself in s1) and focus more on what makes her happy – her writing. As the show continued to develop and jenny’s character just morphed into this unrecognisable thing, I even still think mia kirshner could perform such a charming take on it that I never really aligned myself to a lot of the jenny hate people joke about

other drama aspects in mind, like bette and tina’s marriage falling apart, bette’s other relationships (bette always seems to be the one facing the ‘serious problems), and even dana’s cancer and subsequent death, I thought were generally handled… ‘well’. Dana’s cancer worked interestingly within this as, while it was kind of bizarre, I think the relationship between alice and dana was a real life force on the show for a  while, and that whole situation meant that alice could go through some real, meaningful growth in her character which she’d been a little starved of to that point. perhaps my thoughts are that when the show focuses on cheating as the only method of things falling apart, that’s when it really starts to fumble, because cheating at that level is such a sitcom-only esque plotline that removes a lot of reality you might be looking for and finding charming in these shows. Equally, I just think cheating can be quite an alienating plotline!

But, to talk about writing alone, my god it gets shit. Various parts of the writing I remember disliking off the top of my head are dana’s season 2 girlfriend which turns into a weird trope of the pretty girls vs the ‘uglier’ one (her then-gf), when the max arc is in full swing (though I’ll be clear as well and say I loved Daniel Sea’s acting within the role, however bad the writing was), papi and the racism that guided the writers in constructing her character, the random plotline of the guy living with shane and jenny in season 2 (though I thought it could have been really interesting, almost a meta comment on men watching lesbians, men watching the l word, men watching lesbians in media).  Helena’s entire character was a little baffling to me, and while I did enjoy her at times and thought she was a hilarious addition to the cast, I just had no clue exactly what she was doing. Parts of the shows ideology itself is equally harmful, like alice and dana shopping for strap-ons (bc alice is bisexual and therefore loves penetrative sex, and dana is a lesbian and therefore doesn’t), or just that the shows ensemble cast reflects the background, and everyone is cis white thin feminine, etc.  until they’re not, like ivan or papi, or Dylan..? (or a character’s non-whiteness function as a sort of ethnic flair to them, say papi and carmen being Latina and that being their exciting ‘exotic’ traits), that floods the show with a very recognisable sort of white Hollywood liberalism, and if we can understand and comprehend that, we get a good working frame for the rest of what’s going on. as alice and tasha were arguing about the military it was, of course, them trying to suggest that alice is this very liberal character who disagrees with the war and tasha’s politics, but not enough to…. Break things off with her. Instead (fashion tumblr user steps in) she even joins in this roleplay and dresses more femininely around her, growing out her hair a little and everything – and alice in general usually had a pretty fluid sense of style, so it was an… interesting choice. And then Jamie shows up for some reason (and is similarly one of the very few reoccurring Asian characters on the show – her, Catherine (one of helena’s stupid love interests) and adele (who is not serious); actually to make a side note on how this show was received, there was even a petition to get the character’s from alice wu’s Saving Face (which is a brilliant movie, and you should watch it) to be on the show and bring more Asian representation, from autumn 2008)

One episode I think is pretty good for reading the ethos of how TLW engages with women who aren’t their ‘ideals’ is shown is, imo, episode 3? 4? of season 1, where lacey is harassing shane for moving on from her. Lacey is one of the very few characters who leans a little more into being gender nonconforming, yes still with the full face of makeup, but with heavy punk-ish eye makeup, short hair, leather jacket, a demanding attitude, (and she’s not fat, but definietely has more weight on her than any of the verrrrry skinny main cast), and all-in-all embodies a kind of paltry attempt at TLW at bringing in someone with more of an edge, perhaps a modern day masc we might imagine – she’s really one of the only women I can think of on the show, let alone women that shane gets with, who isn’t an ultra-feminine character with long hair, tall, skinny, petite frame, etc. devoid of reality, the show really pushes on her as this over-demanding woman who reactedly badly to shane using her and moving on, and of course the show is trying to show us that shane uses people without much care for them, but doing so through lacey lets you sympathise more with shane than it would if they’d brought in a far more feminine woman who could play that damsel in distress role through looks alone. Lacey’s problems are like a pet or a child’s wherein you do what they want (in this case, another 1 night stand) to appease them, and then you get them off your back. The writing itself is very bizarre, but the fact that they used a woman who was just a little left of centre from the standard the show had set of these beautiful women in Hollywood, demonstrates enough

likewise, to go from here and talk about gender non-conformity, one of the strangest lines on the show was always kit in season 3 episode 9 saying “It just saddens me to see so many of our strong butch girls giving up their womanhood to be a man” – why she said that, I don’t know, some sort of meditation on her bizarre relationship with ivan perhaps? But that relationship fell apart because ivan was… not a man… and couldn’t be a man… whereas max is a man and could be a man, so I just don’t know.

Kit: Why can't you be the butchest butch in the world... and keep your body? Max: Because I wanna feel whole.

and he is so punished for that split away from butchness into transness, even by the woman who is notably placed outside of the lesbianism of the show – which is arguably worse than having one of the lesbians come at him for it, as kit is more or less representative of “the rest of the world” in these types of conversations, pushing max away from transition while the lesbians of the show, the ones who, you would imagine, have had some sort of intersection with transness once before (again, notably shane, who, as part of her traumatic backstory, was mistaken for a boy when she was a teenager and was paid by men to give them a handjobs) . instead the show curiously places kit there as some voice of reason, and the rest of the lesbian cast are kind of fast and loose with the whole thing. when they do talk about butchness in s3e3, it’s just bizarre. Pre-transition max pulls shane with him to unpack the car as “us butches”, and carmen giggles and jokingly calls shane a “big butch” even though, again, she’s the closest thing the show gets to reoccurring butchism, and is likely seen and imagined as butch by a lot of the people watching . at dinner later on in the episode, they make a joke about him not being “stone butch”… as if that’s a way of measuring masculinity rather than a sexual identity, before shane interrupts the conversation to say “You know what, what difference does it make whether someone is butch or femme?”. again, she is the butchest one at the table, and very notable not butch, but has gone up so close to the border before, you really wonder… why. Why there is such intense resolution to not make her butch, but really it’s because TLW functions in the absence of the butch – alice eler puts it succinctly: “The L-Word asserts that a “femme” lesbian woman is more desirable than a “butch” lesbian.”

In tlw, butch and femme are always roles played rather than realities lived, so it defaults to femininity being ‘standard’  - and this is where, imo, a lot of reaction to max’s transition hinges on. If the show can’t allow any character to firmly be ‘butch’, so when a character takes on butchness as a passage to realising his truth, that he is a trans man, it pulls out all the ugly thoughts and feelings held by certain lesbians about trans men who were, previously, identifying as lesbians/butch lesbians. Here, it really creates a perfect storm for TLW to uphold dangerous ideology (how they showed max’s transition was horrible), and justifying their cis lesbian audience’s response (they got angry that the only character who transgressed gender went ‘too far’ with it, essentially, living his truth in a way they didn’t like). I imagine, if TLW had functioning butch characters on the show, this all might’ve played out differently, but if TLW let go of its standard of femininity, then it… isn’t sexy, becoming too lesbian and too trans and alienates its non-lesbian audience, getting too deeply invested in its lesbianism than it is with its glamour. An interview with Ilene chiaken that gets thrown around a lot is here: on max, “She’s our first real butch on the show — a fabulously attractive butch, but nonetheless a real butch,” Chaiken said. “And we deal with the issue of gender. We wanted to tell that story, a big story in the gay community and, in the last couple years, a huge story in the lesbian community.” it’s an interesting statement for sure– gender transgression has always been a part of lesbianism (read any book ever), and with the advent of the internet and online communities – afterellen being founded in 2002 – more conversations could be had by lesbians from all walks of life, from any economic background or lived reality of race, ability, anything.  jack halberstam writes interestingly in Transgender Butch about butch/ftm borders that,

The distinction that some butches need to make between lesbianism and butchness hinges on a distinction between sexual and gender identities. Lesbian, obviously, refers to sexual preference and to some version of the “woman-loving woman.” Butch, on the other hand, bears a complex relation of disidentification with femininity and femaleness and, in terms of sexual orientation, could refer to “woman-loving butch” or “butch-loving butch.

butchness, and max’s ex-butchness, is never truly interacted or responded to in the show – ivan states he doesn’t mind being referred to as a he, shane half-heartedly defends butchism by asking her friends to stop talking about it, and max finds himself as a man through a meaningful identification with butchism and ‘disidentification’ with femininity to then finding a reidentification with not just masculinity, but manhood, which lends way to him truly discovering himself. Curiously, in response to this, this reidentification is one step too far, and suddenly its actually ok to be butch on the l word. The rest of the cast seems to ask him over and over again, why by a man? Why not be butch? But in the world of TLW, to be butch and to be trans are both radical acts of nonconformity, to disidentify is to no longer be the thing that sells, so you very fundamentally cannot do any of it – lisa the male lesbian in s1 is played for laughs as a transmisogynist  punchline, and carmen giggling at the idea of shane being butch (and thus disidentifying) demonstrates that this is equally hilarious.

from this angle, i feel that TLW functions primarily as a show about women attracted to women, not lesbians attracted to lesbians (lesbian as gender, as identifier, as being). Immovable womanhood is the centre of everything, constructing familiarity, and to stray is to exit safe perimeters that TLW establishes within unradical, conformist, cisgendered white femininity. candace Moore, again, writes that TLW “positions lesbianism as a sensibility, not a sexuality. This is particularly important because as a sensibility, lesbianism can potentially be co-opted by straight viewers.”

of course, it would be remiss to fail in mentioning that much of this discussion about tlw’s association to butchness is very much within whiteness as well – we can argue that tasha is a stud even if she never says the word herself, her specific attraction being to “girly girls” and her riding a motorbike, always with a more masculine wardrobe, and being in the……. Army………. Really aligns her with this sentiment. I do think she’s a stud, but this being off the back of the show’s depiction of max sits so strangely, and we can’t ignore that her blackness is so instinctually connected to how they wrote her – in a world where no one else can be a butch, why then is the only dark skinned black lesbian more masculine leaning than the rest of them? yes, racism, and all tied in to her nationalism and dedication to the army. It’s certainly an interesting choice for the writers to make and, while she is one of my favourites in the whole show, I definitely have a lot of pause with why she was written and created the way she was, and what she offers the show politically – she holds space as a particularly vulnerable body, a dark skin black stud lesbian, but maintains the status quo of the country and of American imperialism. What’s the message? Even the most unavailable of lesbians can still be patriots??? the individual's physical unfuckable body is still acessible through american aligience?

As later seasons continued to get worse, parts I did really enjoy were tasha’s entire character, molly’s entire character, seeing tina ‘get her life back’ as it were and return to painting, jodi’s entire character, all the music featured, and bette and tina getting back together was really well written and laurel holloman and Jennifer beals are just two very strong actors steering that ship, and random moments throughout I really enjoyed (specifically bette’s professional life gave a lot of breathing room for the show to have other funny little characters, like her office assistants etc) that I’m struggling to remember here rn tbh but generally even as the show was getting bad, the more ridiculous things got the more fun I was having, but the later seasons ‘drama’ was a little painful. If it had started as a drama and then shifted into something more palatable, I think it would’ve been great, but really anything that wasn’t season 6 would have been fine.. just such an unforgiving and cruel way to end the show, and I thought adding jenny to the mix of toxic sad relationships after leaving her straight life and coming to terms with her abuse was such a mean-spirited and cruel way to end it IDK! And this is why the l word FAILS as a sitcom, bc at least usually (to my knowledge) the  idea is that at the end… they’re kinda happy and stepping into another new life with some stability and lifelong friends!!! But instead TLW said fuck you and I hate you

anyway yeah closing thoughts… if you watch TLW without even thinking about representation I think it’s an easy watch, bc what I was watching it for is psycho lesbians who don’t act normally and that’s what I got. All caricatures of themselves or whatever they’re performing in the shadows of, and, in a way – and maybe this is a little weird to say – but I think the lesbians in the show are, to me, like watching a species of lesbian that I myself am not. Which is a shame because, if I recall correctly, a lot of those musical performances in the show were about exposing the world to lesbian music that broke the norm and went against the stereotype of music people associated with lesbians at the time, showing them on the cutting edge of new sound, which somehow did not cross into the actual meat of the show at all. And I haven’t spoken at all about it here, but a lot of those musical features are my favourite parts of the show and made some of those scenes just electric, magical parts of storytelling on tv

to address the “you”/I in what “I think”, and this one actually is TMI, when I first watched the L word, it was when I had really just finished coming to terms with my own lesbianism back in late 2021, early 2022 (I was gay and trans before this, but hiding from myself and my sexuality and my gender in complex ways, living a sort of double life online and offline – this was more an unforgiving reckoning with who I was vs what the life I was leading looked like). i was finally letting myself think about it holistically, reflecting on conversion therapy and how I navigated my desires and my identity. I wrote a lot of melodramatic diary entries and was trying to figure out how to handle a 3 year long semi-formed, confusing, and impressively undefined ‘situation’ship I was in with a guy while I was living alone during a gap year. all I really did in this time was go to the gym, go on walks, go to therapy, and think… a lot. by the time I started watching TLW I had come to terms with my lesbianism (and its inextricable relationship to my gender), but watching jenny go through something I had basically been in the thick of myself (just without all the sex and the cheating and the sex and the sex and the sex), and was, at that point, yet to experience the real horror of, meant a lot to me, and, just from some reading online, I’ve understood too how the early seasons of TLW really helped a lot of other lesbians come out to themselves or start thinking about where they might sit in relation to lesbianism. again, TLW fails time and time again at any sort of political radicalism, but when you’re so, so painfully alone and you don’t really have anyone to talk to about these desires, or even have the strength to talk about these things out loud, I do think somehow the unabashed desire flung around the screen of TLW does one thing, and that is to declare that lesbianism doesn’t have to be in your head, and that even good change can be really difficult when it’s something like this, and that, to me, was the best thing TLW added to the conversation about lesbian TV and reflects, for a lot of lesbians who find themselves trying to navigate repression and abuse, the experience that we’re still moving through: taking hold of our lives with our own hands

beyond that, beyond being a story about transformation – which I do think really permeates the first season (dana coming out to the world and to her parents; shane learning how to love or whatever the fuck genuinely; tina and bette trying and failing and trying to live the life they’d always dreamt of; marina navigating her own bad relationship through a sort of uncaring outwards desire;  bette ‘choosing’ the wrong path from her married life and cheating; kit re-entering the world of professional music and working hard to get into that music video thing situation – I think s1 is just such a rare gem of tv, that had so many flaws in it and so much was mishandled, but it came to it all with a lot of heart. But still that same angle is what alienates it from reality and sets it up as this fantasy land of woman-who-engage-in-lesbianism and abstractifies lesbian reality to make way for lesbian (or straight) fantasies of standard hegemony with a little zest. As it goes on however, it falls so hard to the more difficult aspects already clear at its start, and dramatizes their sexual escapades and relationships endlessly in a way that gives, says, and does nothing. jill dolan describes it well, albeit more positively than I have here: “part of the fun has become to simply go with it, to enjoy its excesses of character and plot and to tolerate its rather sweetly absurd attempts at relevance and authenticity.” and you really can ‘go with it’ for a while, but to put it shortly, TLW is not a show worth following to the end of the earth

[patricedumonde]

I'm going to go ahead and say it. I don't like the excessive amount of pirouettes added to a solo just for the sake of show off. Most of the times it ruins the tempo and adds nothing. There are exceptions of course, but watching young ballerinas doing 10 pirouette only to have shaky legs or miss the tempo to the rest of the variation and the technical elements required doesn't make sense to me. Personally, I love showmanship, that is why I'm attracted to Russian ballet and bolshoi especially but only if it works well technically for the ballerina performing.

With that being said, have you watched master ballet academy, it's all over on YouTube? What to do you think about their dancers?

Sorry if I m asking too many questions, I just love your blog!!

OMG thank you so much!!

I’m glad we’re in agreement with this 👀 All the exhibition of tricks are becoming more and more common. I get that dancers get more technically advanced over time (i.e. comparing dancers pre and post Sylvie Guillem) but I really don’t see the art form becoming elevated just because a développé is held at 180 degrees or an extra two pirouettes are added. To me, it just means the dancer will get more likes and follows lol. I really don’t want ballet to turn into just… that.

The students from ballet master academy all have potential! I saw a few clips from their Giselle rehearsals and I thought they were good. Most of their content on TikTok are focused on the tricks though lol. I hope other dancers, especially younger ones, out there aren’t discouraged because they can only do 🙄 a triple 🙄

They posted a video of one of their barre exercises when Natalie Furman was visiting and wow, the difference, was very easy to notice. She was more lifted, her arms were very much in sync with her legs, her épaulement, just all the tiny details checked my boxes. But yeah, it wasn’t her multiple pirouettes that made her stand out. 🙂

[thegettingbyp2]

I need another Johnny Knoxville story, I don’t care what happens in it, I don’t care if it’s smut, and get or fluff, I just need something please

<33

A/N: I've had this idea for a while and I thought it was cute so I hope it's okay!!

Chat Show

I was standing in my dressing room on the set for The Graham Norton Show, double checking that every part of my outfit was right. Once I was satisfied, I sat on the sofa and had a look at who else was going to be on the show; it was going to be me, Catherine Tate and Johnny Knoxville. I knew Catherine Tate from when we had been in Doctor Who together but I had never met Johnny Knoxville and I was excited because I knew how much my brother loved Jackass. I’d seen clips from the show and films but I’d never sat down and actually watched it fully because I didn’t understand how these guys could laugh about hurting themselves so much.

One of the ushers knocked on my door and walked me to the backstage area where Graham Norton was already live and beginning the show.

‘Oh my God, (Y/N),’ Catherine squealed quietly as she tiptoed across the space to greet me, wrapping me in a big hug.

‘Hi!’ I whispered just as excitedly, keeping my voice down as well, ‘how have you been?’

‘Amazing! It’s been too long! Please tell me you’re coming out for a couple of drinks with us after the show? We need to have a catch up, I don’t think I’ve seen you since the Doctor Who days!’

‘I wouldn’t miss it!’ I replied before Graham introduced her and she gave me a grin before stepping onto the set.

‘Drinks after the show? Now that sounds like my kind of thing,’ an American accent came from behind me and I turned around and was met with quite possibly the most attractive man I’ve ever seen in my life. He had dark brown hair that matched his dark eyes, he was tall, making me look up at him even in my heels and he was wearing a light blue jumper that made him look incredible. ‘Sorry,’ he said when I hadn’t replied, stepping towards me and holding a hand out, ‘Johnny Knoxville.’

‘(Y/N) (Y/L/N),’ I replied, taking his hand, pleasantly surprised that instead of shaking my hand, he lifted my hand to his lips and gently pressed a kiss to my knuckle. ‘It’s so nice to meet you.’

‘You two,’ he said grinning. ‘God, you look familiar,’ he said, as he frowned slightly. We didn’t get much chance to talk before he was called up and then finally it was my turn. I stepped onto the set and was greeted by Graham with open arms and a kiss on the cheek before I turned to the sofa to see Johnny standing up, giving me a kiss on the cheek as well before we all sat back down, Johnny sitting closer than necessary so I could feel the heat of his arm as it rested on the back of the sofa. I saw that Catherine had left already so it was just me and Johnny.

‘So, (Y/N), it’s so good to have you back,’ Graham said, making me smile and duck my head slightly. No matter how many chat shows I go on, I always get a bit awkward. ‘Now you’ve finished Peaky Blinders and instead of giving yourself a break before starting the Peaky Blinders film, you’ve decided to head back to the theatre.’ Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Johnny turn his body slightly further in my direction.

‘Yeah, I hate not doing anything so I wanted to keep busy so I thought I’d go back and do another show. I always like being a part of theatre because it’s where I started and I love the challenge of having to remember your lines and the lyrics to songs every night.’

‘I’d be fucking awful at that,’ Johnny said beside me, laughing. I found his laugh infectious as it had an almost manic tone to it and I laughed lightly with him. ‘The amount of concussions I’ve had, I’m surprised I still know my name.’

‘Oh yeah! That reminds me, my brother is a huge fan of yours,’ I exclaimed, turning towards Johnny, our legs brushing up against each other, ‘he’d kill me if I didn’t say hi from him!’

‘Well maybe after this, we can give him a call or something, say hi back, doll,’ he replied and I felt my cheeks heat up slightly at the pet name. Completely having gone off topic, Graham took it upon himself to pull the conversation back to the topic I was on the show to actually talk about.

‘So, you’re currently playing Baby in the new West End revival of Dirty Dancing, what made you want to take on such a big, well-known role?’

‘That’s where I recognised you from!’ Johnny cried out, ‘I went to see the show last night, you were incredible!’

I was surprised that someone like Johnny Knoxville had gone to see a show like Dirty Dancing but I couldn’t deny that I was flattered when I heard that he had enjoyed the show. ‘You went to see Dirty Dancing?’ Graham asked, clearly not believing him.

‘Yeah! I fucking love that movie!’ Johnny exclaimed.

‘Me too!’ I replied.

‘Seems you have good taste then doll,’ Johnny said, leaning even closer to me. For a moment I’d forgotten that we were on live TV and I let myself get lost in his beautiful dark brown eyes. After a while, the conversation was steered back to the topics at hand and before we knew it, the show had come to an end and we had made our way backstage.

‘So that was fun,’ Johnny said as he stood in the doorway to my dressing room while I grabbed my bag ready to head off to the bar for a few drinks.

‘Yeah, it was,’ I smiled at him. ‘I still can’t believe you came to see the show last night, I’d have thought that film was a bit to girly for your liking.’

‘Are you kidding me? I love all of those kind of movies! Maybe we should get together and watch a couple whilst I’m in London?’

‘I’d like that. Are you coming to the bar with us?’

‘Wouldn’t miss it, though maybe I could take you on a date tomorrow, just the two of us?’

I felt my cheeks heat up again as he asked me on a date; I hadn’t expected it but all night I had hoped that he’d at least say something. I stayed silent for a while, putting my finger on my cheek, pretending to think about his proposition. ‘Come on doll, you’re killing me,’ he said after a while.

‘I’d love to,’ I replied, laughing lightly as he breathed out in relief.

‘Great! In that case, shall we get going,’ he said, over dramatically holding out his arm for me to take.

‘I believe we shall,’ I said, just as dramatically as I looped my arm through his and we walked out of the building towards the bar.

[monkeybell]

Here’s the tier list of the characters(the ones I’ve watched so far)! I won’t be including the Pokémon since I basically love them all and they would all realistically be in favs and love. Also a disclaimer that this is just my ranking on them and opinions, not fact. We may have different opinions and that’s ok. Please respect my thoughts, thanks

Ann: Been a proud Ann fan since her reveal. I became interested in her from her design and my love for the character grew when she got Oshawott, my all time favorite starter! Watching her did not disappoint because even in the same amount of time we saw her in, she was a joy to watch and I’m looking forward to her getting more time to shine!

Murdock: He’s probably my favorite member of the volt tacklers. I love how he’s tall and seems intimidating but in reality is a sweetie who loves his Pokemon and cares for his niece the best he can, even if she doesn’t respond to it. I also love the same detail that there’s the shape of a knife and fork in his hair

Friede: I wasn’t one of those people who saw him and immediately loved him but I do enjoy him now that I’m watching the show. He’s a genuinely good guy and cares a lot about his teammates and Pokémon

Nemona: They handled her debut perfectly! She had her game personality and it was everything I was hoping for, even her voice! I also like how it showed her genuine concern for Brassius, proving that she does care about stuff that isn’t battles(saying this to you Nemona antis)

Amethio: I’m still adjusting to his English voice but I do like him. He’s a good villain, even though he gets screwed around by the writers who make him a punching bag L taker. Very excited to see him develop and hopefully finally win a battle

Liko: While I do dislike the damsel route they occasionally take with her due to her pendant, I think Liko has a lot of potential. I don’t get the major hype or love for her(Aka the stuff a certain user on Twitter constantly said about her and still probably does) but I do think she’s a good character. Wouldn’t say great but again, this series is new and I would be more concerned if the series tried to push her as perfect just in the first 12 episodes. I find it funny that we both have social anxiety but yet I don’t connect with her that much

Dot: Imma be honest, so far I’m not a fan of Dot. She’s not bad but for me she’s kinda… bland. She’s complex I know but I just got annoyed with her behavior and didn’t really find it relatable or funny(again funny because I’m a bit of a bitch irl). But she only appeared like what, 7-8 episodes into the 12 dubbed so far so there’s probably a lot about her I haven’t watched in full yet

Roy: Back when I only saw clips of Horizons and people’s thoughts, I was big on Roy. He was my favorite over Dot and Liko but now? He’s just ok for me. Some scenes with him annoyed me and yes, I know he’s a child but then again, I like other characters who are children so. Will say I love his and Fuecoco’s bond and I’m looking forward to seeing both of them grow and develop

Mollie: Mentioned this in my last thoughts but I don’t feel much for her yet. I like her backstory and that she wants to help all Pokémon and not just ones that come to the center but that’s about it for now

Orla: I remember seeing Orla simps all of the time but I’m not one of them and from what I’ve seen of her so far, she’s… there. I don’t know what else to say, sorry

Brassius: There’s really not much to say about him considering he only appeared in one episode. I’m sure a lot of people going through a stump can relate but i didn’t feel it. To be fair I don’t really have much to say about him anyway as I wasn’t a fan of him in game either

Onia: She’s funny I guess. Kinda like Jessie but also not as entertaining as the goat

Grandpa: He’s there

Ludlow: Got some funny one liners but that’s about it for him. I do kinda wish he was Nidothing like people thought so it would give him more to do than just appear for wisdom or fishing

Butler: He was also there

Spinel: Creep. That’s all you need to know. Points for having Umbreon I guess?

Lucca: No real thoughts except for she is not a neglectful or evil parent

Alex: Points for having Fidough

Zirc: He was…. there

[bigmack2go]

How tiktok is the reason i got into theatre except its not at all how you think it is

Okay tik tok. Tiktok right? Right. So tiktok shoed me this clip of toggos woozle goozle in like,,, what? 2017? And i literally just wanted to find that one episode bc i was really interested in that topic they were explaining (i dont even remember it anymore lmao) (yes i know this is the worst tiktok thing to fall for. Yes it still happened.) sonthere i was. No clue what episode it was. So naturally i skip through all of them to find the right one yes? I found myself get really invested in woozle goozle and even when i found the episode i kept watching cthrough that shit. NOW this is were i first hear about starlight starlight express. I have been to theatre and musicals before obviously and i liked it but i never really cared about it too much. But starlight express? Staight express was different. Starlight express just had smt of home to it. So for months on months i just yearned for this fucking show, buyed the soundtrack (i didnt know english at the time but i accidentally bought it in english so i bought it twice lmao), i tried finding bootlegs (but this stage is barely possible to get a bootleg), i buyed merch, i read all about it online. Then christmas came and WHAT?! I GET TO GO TO STARLIGHT EXPRESS?! OMFG?! So on april 18th the following year (yes i remember the date fuck u) i got to see the newest adaptation in bochum. I have never felt such chills in my entire life (and i gotta say i don’t think that i’m gonna, anytime soon). And so i first started obsessing with a musical. Now two years went by, i saw the lion king in london and loved it but tbh i didn’t obsess over it even near the amount i obsess over other stuff. Mind you it is now 2019 and i have adhd. I have never had a hyper fixation last this long. This is when i start to understand the world a bit more. I realise gay people…. Exist? I mean obv i knew they exist but where i was it was smt rly rly special and i never even considered it tbh. I search up what lgbtq+ means and my suggestions are now not only starlight express anymore but also gay shit (lmao who would’ve thought this is how i turn out) and algorithm was algorithm-ing and gave me: ✨Bi Electra✨. Now this is when i first even saw other sides/perspectives to the whole show (and generally, the concept of fandom) and i re-obsessed over this thing that i never even un-obsessed with(?). I got into some more musicals, saw sone bootlegs ykyk. Beetlejuice had a local production and i alsi went to see sister act, little shop if horrors and frozen on ice (this was the girst one i saw in English). 2020 came and with it: covid. I got into other fandoms thinking i cant go see musicals anyway. I have given up to find movies of musicals and i had no idea the bootlegs were a thing. I only ever tried to find snt that i know now is called a bootleg for stex and i didnt find anyghing so naturaly i never tried again lmao. With other fandoms coming along, i started to leave starlight express behind. And so tiktok cames back into play. Dream smp. I had no fucking clue what these people that i kept getting on my fy were. It took me a really depressing gnf fanart to finally give in and get into that fandom that pushed everything else of my for you page. That’s when maria Reynolds walked into my life (sorry i had to say this). You probably know how the whole L’Manberg arc started with hamilton being watchable. So i not only got into the dream smp (and let me tell you i was down bad for the dsmp) but even more into Hamilton. It was only about a year ago i started realising i was gay and then this actress is introduced to me and she is so fucking hot and i thought i was envying her but it turns out it was just me being really fucking gay-. I started translating it and you know the rest. Well basically what happened then was me realising that i love musicals. Ive seen a lot of musicals but that never really,,, conected(?) in my brain… ig. And there is went obsessing over musicals as a whole. I knew english at this point btw. In 2022 our local theatre opened again because it was mainly outdors so yeah yk.

I was falling into a major depression at the time shutting myself off since quarantine yk. So my mom forced me out of my room. And suprise suprise it was the best thing that could have happened to me. Little shop of horrors opened again wooo. Anyway so i tried to find more and more musicals also on tiktok and i saw newsies. I was avoiding it for a good three months but i don’t remember why and i know love it more than myself lmao. Anyway uk’sies became a thing and so newsies started trending and it was watched a lot more and so it showed up on my disney+. I went “oh fuck it let’s give it a try” and have never been the same lol.

Yeah and you know the rest.

So yes. When i say that the dream smp connects to newsies for me, that’s not a joke.