#I don't feel out of place per se at church but

[p0tat0-g0ddess]

.

[tiny-merkitty]

dad/caretaker matt murdock hcs ₊˚ʚ₊˚✧ ﾟ.

(read as platonic & familial only! i do not write for romantic pairings.)

ⓘ i do not consent to k!nk interaction! any nsfw account that likes, reblogs, or in any way interacts with this post or my blog will be blocked and reported.

the sweetest most attentive father figure ever

he can hear your heartbeat, the vague ways your breaths change, feel how sleepy and lethargic you get, he'll do everything he can to be helpful and caring when you need it!!!

don't feel like talking? that's okay, he can tell if what he's doing is helping without needing words.

he has to deal with alot of loud everywhere else anyway, whether that's in a tiny, packed office space or the entirety of manhattan — he's always welcome to unwind at home in silence.

he'd try to deduct anything that's making you uncomfortable without having to ask, he knows that constant interrogation can just make things more overwhelming.

you keep whimpering? your stomach is full, you seem to be warm enough— is his beard too scratchy? here, he'll move your head down to his chest.

he'd use alot of different nicknames, as well as just your actual name, but the ones that roll off the tongue most tend to be 'baby', 'sweetheart' & 'angel'

being mean towards his loved ones isn't in his vocabulary, if you've done something wrong there won't be anything more extreme than a gentle conversation — at worst, he uses his lawyer voice™, which consists of very, very, long spiels about how he's not mad! just a little disappointed!

he'd never take things away from you as a form of punishment though, he knows what it's like to grow up with sparse things in environments that weren't emotionally nurturing.

if anything, he is the biggest advocate for spoiling his kid — even if he won't admit it.

never in a grand way, but if you looked at a stuffed animal for three seconds too long in an aisle, it's finding it's way into the cart by check-out.

you like a certain brand of toaster waffles? what a coincidence, the fridge has five boxes!

if you make him anything at all, he is using it until it disintegrates.

you made him a bracelet? he's wearing it everywhere. including in the daredevil suit.

you drew something? he's sure it looks wonderful, whatever it is, he's already framing it in his office.

(yes this has something to do with a certain somebody abandoning him over a friendship bracelet as a child)

he likes having you physically close to him, the louder your heartbeat is in his ears, the more secure he can feel about your safety.

your warmth reminds him that you're okay, so he likes having you nearby, whether you're heads on his stomach or you're sitting somewhere three rooms over.

he's not a helicopter parent, per-se, but he has a tendency to be protective and worried —

he tries to be around at nighttime, even with the whole vigilante gig getting in the way sometimes, having you play doctor on his wounds makes him feel both guilty and comforted.

his favorite form of tylenol has a tiny heartbeat and hands that wrap around his fingers, after all.

bedtime stories aren't his favorite thing in the world, for obvious reasons, but if he's trying to get you to sleep, sometimes he'll practice his latest defenses until you nod off.

he assumes the legal talk knocks you out better than goodnight moon, anyway.

depending on the day, he's bringing you along to the office or church with him — the firm isn't very full during certain seasons, so he figures you can take a nap on the couch in his office or color over Foggy's paperwork.

Foggy's not the biggest fan of the latter —

the underneath of Matt's desk also makes a great fort— he'll pretend he can't hear you sticking stickers to the bottom or playing with his shoelaces.

on weekends, he'll take you by St. Agnes to sleep through morning mass, Sister Maggie usually has a hot chocolate ready for you in a special mug afterwards.

he's not one to force things like sunday school on you, but the church is a place he grew up and visits often, plus letting you see his mother makes him smile.

the two of you get donuts on the way home — or, you get donuts and Matt gets something overpriced and artisanal while he tries not to cringe at the overbearing scent of dyed sugar.

he's definitely a silly dad, holding you upside down by your ankles or slinging you over his shoulder while he cleans the apartment.

he draws out questions and asks silly things just to hear you giggle — "what?! you're four years old? are you sure? are you actually... five? no?"

overall, you're his kid and he loves you more than anything.

[july-19th-club]

having THE most insane type of scrupulosity situation going on right now which is that. ok for background. i grew up catholic as many know and round about college stopped going to services regularly. and even when i was a kid and therefore obligated to be religious i never had any strong beliefs about it. so i'm the lapsed catholic's lapsed catholic - steeped enough in the cultural mindset to have issues but with no odd hangups about whether god exists (i just don't think he does). so for the past ten twelve years or so the only time i've been to mass has been when i'm with the family for some function or occasion and i've been obligated to go, and due to my general atheism i've never had this huge urge to seek out different kinds of organized religion. i'm intrigued by the reform jewish philosophy but not intrigued enough to formally attempt to join another ritualized congregation etc. but this has been a very trying year and my mother has been on me about Going To Church and i said yeah sure yeah might be a good idea. but i'm not going to YOUR church because i cannot sit through one of your boss's masses and feel anything other than the need to argue theology with him (she is the parish finance wrangler, so priest is her boss. same priest who in 2016 drove my fourth grade teacher to leave the parish entirely bc of his 1st week of november sermon about how you're betraying the Cause (aka antiabortion. that was the only cause) by not voting trump). ANYWAY. so i'm not going to that church. and the only church in my area that i could find that has what i'm looking for which is to say no christian god PER SE is the local Unitarian Universalist around the park from my job. bit of a drive on a day when i don't normally go anywhere but whatever. and on their website it says their summer services are Themed (this year's Theme is The Creative Spirit) and what the service seems to consist of mostly is a bit of drumming and a Chalice (i don't think you drink from it. i think it's ceremonial). and like. folks talkin'. and that's it! which is my ISSUE. like...it seems to EASY. like what i just go there and it's like a weekend class up at chautauqua where some hippie gets enthused about the spirit for a bit and then you leave feeling like you had a fun time but not like, a religiously challenging one? like, is that allowed? is this allowed? like it feels like it doesn't COUNT you know what i mean? like that's not church that's a free music class with a demographic (middle aged ladies who enjoy a good crystal store). what am i supposed to do with THAT. it's too EASY!

the next loosest church is the episcopal one next door to my job. oldest church in the diocese, beautiful dark stone, red door, the works. never been inside but due to its proximity to my work and the great architecture i have had a lot of dreams about what i imagine its interior to look like. this church is like catholic lite as a friend (who i did meet at chautauqua also) once described it. they have a sermon and some prayers and what is called a Healing something after the mass. which i guess is not a mass, it's just a service, huh, because only catholic churches have masses. between where i live and the town where i work are like thirty miles of small "nondenominational" protestant cult churches who are all salivating for new members, which is obviously out of the question. and i'm like in this quandry okay.

which is insane. i feel like i SHOULD go to the episcopal church because a) they said they have some kind of health prayer and i have been particularly concerned with my health over the last month or two which is part of why i'm so stressed i feel the need to go to church, and if i go to the place without the healing prayer i may not have good health. which is obviously a buck wild thought but not one i can easily let go of now that i've had it. and b) because it sounds like Church. like you go there and you say some hail marys, presumably, or something similar, and a guy gets up in a robe and says his opinions on something which you don't really agree with but you sit through it anyway and try not to be too visibly upset when he he hauls off with something really messed up. and then afterward he lays on his hands or something. and maybe this church would NOT have a guy who hauls off with messed up stuff in the homily. maybe he really does accept everybody and pray for peace and all that. maybe so. maybe my biases and my fears are steering me here. and that's the other thing because the UU thing sounds FUN. church is not really intended to be fun in my imagination. it's an obligation that you fulfill in order to get good fortune out of it if you are polite enough to god in the process. even though every religious person i've ever spoken to describes god and grace as non-transactional, the culture tells me that it absolutely IS: when you're low on good emotional stuff or you want some boon you think is ungettable, they'll say 'go to church'. which indicates that there's some transaction taking place, no, that you attend and THEN you receive blessing. blessing does not get to you unless you fulfill your end of a bargain which includes acquiescing to the church itself. the Fun Spiritual Experience sounds too fun to get you that. like i would go and have fun, but would my life get better? would i regret it because it felt like i was wasting time when i needed to be going to a place where i could get a guarantee that i would be healthy during a busy work week which is all i really want right now, to be healthy this week so i don't disrupt the workflow when everybody's schedules are out of whack? it feels like going somewhere just to have fun does NOT net you that. you have to go to a place that does not give you fun and you have to submit to the rigors. or there's no exchange, there's no offering taking place, is there? you're just indulging yourself, at which point you might as well stay home

[nerdthatsiriuslylovesteaxx]

Helpless part 43, however much we fear the truth we must face it

Hi, I guess I'm doing this now...? Will gave it to me with the second Heartstopper book, I don't really know what I'm doing but I guess I'm meant to write down my thoughts sooooo..... I hate myself, I wish I was dead, I'm a freak, I can't even fucking eat for fucks sake what the fuck is wrong with me, the only good part if my life right now is Will an he's bound to leave soon enough. Fuck I wish I had a fag on me but I already know I won't get away with that in the infirmary, it's not that bad but it makes me feel so fucking useless, maybe if I shadow travelled back to my cabin I could get some, Will would fucking murder me but I might do it.

Here is a list of reasons I hate myself because that seems fucking productive:

1. I'm a fag that deserves to burn in Hell

2. I'm dependent on drugs before I can drive (legally)

3. I can't fucking eat like a normal fucking person

4. I hurt everyone I touch

5. I'm a fucking twig

6. I can't even use my fucking powers now that's how pathetic I've gotten

7. I'm a freak

8. I nearly betrayed everyone

9. I'm a shit brother to Hazel

10. I managed to make my own sister hate me

11. I'm a demigod

12. I can't just be fucking happy for once

13. I over think every fucking thing

14. I need my fucking mouth washed out with soap

15. The Catholic Church

I could say more but I don't think I have time for that, I'm gonna go and think about how I can kill myself while locked up in this place

Fuck is my only thought right now, kill me (PLEASE)

Bianca, mi dispiace, mi dispiace di essere quella di cui hai sempre dovuto prenderti cura, quella che hai praticamente cresciuto solo per riaverla. Vorrei essere morto al posto di te, ogni singolo giorno lo vorrei, vorrei poter essere buono come un fratello maggiore che eri per me per Hazel. Vorrei non essere una fottuta delusione, vorrei che tu non dovessi unirti alla Caccia per allontanarti da me. Spero che ti sia piaciuto essere rinato. Mi dispiace tanto per tutto.

Putain, je n’ai pas écrit en français depuis un certain temps, alors voyons si je me souviens encore comment le faire, si mon orthographe est décente, c’est seulement parce que j’ai passé environ une heure à écrire ces conneries, donc vous devriez toujours être déçu. Qu’est-ce que j’écris ? Aucune putain d’idée, mais j’ai déjà lu Heartstopper trois fois aujourd’hui et je pense que c’est trop gay, même pour moi, de le lire plus que cela en moins de cinq heures. Kayla est venue avec de la nourriture plus tôt, aucune idée de l’endroit où se trouve Will et je n’ai toujours pas mangé de merde parce que c’est à quel point je suis inutile.

I really wish I had a smoke right now, but I know I can't, I feel so fucking stressed for too many fucking reasons and my heads been pounding for hours, Kayla gave me a panadol a few hours ago but that did fucking nothing so yeah struggling to not hit my head repeatedly on a wall out of pain. I don't know why but I can't stop thinking about those nights when I was what, twelve? Probably because of the nightmares, I'm fucking useless aren't I? I couldn't even stop it from happening to Hazel, I'm fucking pathetic. Gods I can't wait to get out of this place, I love Will but I don't know how much longer I can take of this place. The bright lights shining into your eyes so much it gives you a headache, the scent of rubbing alcohol filling the room, the plain white walls that feel trapping, everything feels wrong. I know why I'm here, no one trust's me alone, the part they forgot to mention is that I'd be better off dead. I already know Leo, Piper and Jason talked shit about me on the Argo II, I know they all wanted to leave me in that jar, I know that to Percy and Annabeth I'm nothing more than a burden, I fucking hate myself and so do they so why can't they just let me fucking die?

***

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Guys the bold means it’s written, was gonna do underline but that doesn’t work in tumblr xx

[mycupofrum]

Fic writer questions

Thank you for the tag @lovelymasks! Once again I’m really late with my replies but I really enjoyed doing this one. 😊

🍓 How did you get into writing fanfiction?

I was a teenager and started writing HP fics with a friend of mine who first introduced me to fanfiction. We would send fics to each other and commented on each other’s stories and gave each other writing prompts. I think I did that for about a year until I had the courage to post anything online. I started on a Finnish HP forum and returned there after a long break from fandom, though I’m more active on Tumblr/AO3 these days. I think I did post one or two fics in English on ff.net back in the day but they were very short gen fics. I posted One of these days on Tumblr at the end of 2022 and that was the first piece of creative writing in English that I did in a long time and I was shit scared for whatever reason, but people were very nice to me about it. :D

🍇How many fandoms have you written in?

I’ve written for Harry Potter and Star Wars fandoms and a few cringe rpf crack fics about celebrities I shall not name back in the day, but that’s something I’m ready to put behind me.

🍈 How many years have you been writing fanfiction?

Around 7 years with a long break in between.

🍎 Do you read or write more fanfiction?

Lately I’ve been reading more than writing. It goes in phases...sometimes I write more and at other times read more.

🍌 What is one way you've improved as a writer?

I think I’ve learned to be aware of filler words and improved in "show don’t tell", though that one is something I’m still working on.

🍑 Do you have any bad habits as a writer?

I need the stars to align to get into a writing mood. I don’t practise it every day. I know writing is a like exercising a muscle etc. etc. but you know, this is a hobby for me, so I only do it whenever I feel like it (and yet feel guilty for not doing it more. Fun times. 😅).

🍍 What's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?

The last one has been the Catholic church, just the whole vocabulary of it and anything related to it. I don’t know if it’s weird per se, but I find it so funny I’m researching prayers and the confession process when ultimately I just want the characters to end up having sex. 😄

I’ve also researched train announcements in the UK, business buildings in London in the 1990s, British police ranks, instructions on how to play pool, and shamanism to name a few.

🍉What's your favourite type of comment to receive on your work?

All comments, short and long! I appreciate a keysmash, emojis or if someone points out their favourite parts from the fic. Sometimes a reader can find foreshadowing or connections to something that I never even realised myself, which is amazing! It’s like someone pointing out your own subconscious thoughts to you. It helps to go back to reading comments if I have a bad day, writing-wise or just in general. <3

🍐What's the most fringe trope/topic you write about?

I don't really know. I write about whatever pleases me. :)

🥭What is the hardest type of story for you to write?

Toxic relationships, emotional abuse. Sometimes I enjoy reading stories like that but I don’t think I have it in me to pull off that kind of dynamic in my writing. At least not easily, but I haven’t really tried it either. I write from the place of "wouldn’t it be really funny if…" That’s legit how most of my fics are born.

🍏What is the easiest type?

Romance with a little bit of humour. And so much tension. All the tension. I want tension. Did I mention tension? Hot and funny. I have accepted that that’s what my brain likes to come up with most often. Occasionally I enjoy dabbling into angst.

🍑Where do you do your writing? What platform? When?

On my laptop or mobile phone at home. I usually get my ideas when I’m trying to fall asleep so I’m like the meme of a writer whose brain starts to work out solutions when I should be sleeping, and then it’s just me and the pale light of my phone in the darkness of my bedroom. Also in general I tend to write in the evening. I use both LibreOffice (which allows me to use Word format) and the free online Word because I can access my files on OneDrive on both laptop and phone.

🍋What is something you've been too nervous/ intimidated to write, but would love to write one day?

A longfic with a proper plot. I have some longer WIP fics in the making but that’s just the thing...they’re still WIPs. I’m just genuinely terrible at finishing longer fics. So, here’s to improving in that.

🍇What made you choose your username?

At first I kept thinking of mycupoftea and then decided nah that’s too basic, so I came up with mycupofrum because I liked my rum-based drinks. That was 10 years ago and I haven’t changed the username since then. As for Satine which has been my pen name for a longer time, it’s from Moulin Rouge.

Tagging @heartofspells @squintclover @in-flvx @annabtg if you want to do this. And anyone else who is up for this tag game. :)

[cottagehorror-lesbians-stuff]

i had SO many thoughts while watching ep.16 of beyond evil, but it's such a dense episode that i have to break it down and process it. so for now, here are 3 main analyses i made on the very beginning of the episode, up until han joowon being interrogated (approx. the first 7min).

• first of all. let's talk about the genius back and forth of the chronology of the scenes and its effect.

we last saw han joowon entering, alone, the house of jung cheolmun, and coming out of it, alone, hands covered in blood. therefore, when we start ep.16, we know that we are going to see jung cheolmun's assassination, and we also know that han joowon has not done it (because he previously said 'it looks like i killed him'). then happens what we saw before, again, but this time we're also aware of the outcome on both sides (han joowon discovering jung cheolmun, and the latter dying). we know he cannot save the officer. and i think that for this reason, it was a VERY well-thought decision to show him walk out of the house first, then show the murder, then show him entering the house, finding jung cheolmun, and coming out again. 'cause the viewers KNOW what's going to happen. we already know. there is no suspense, and nothing can be undone. we're witnessing han joowon fulfilling this self-propheced ill-fate that he had claimed to lee dongsik: 'i'll be tormented. i'll be the monster. don't do it alone, don't do that to yourself again.'

and it's sooooo... poignant. and we really step in lee dongsik's shoes for a moment because we get to truly worry about han joowon, we get to say 'he shouldn't ruin his life like me'. we get sick watching him stepping in, after seeing the state in which he's going to find jung cheolmun. to be honest, i was so involved in the scene that my stomach was upside down. this messing with the chronology makes the viewer fully capable of grasping how important this moment is: han joowon is becoming the monster. he's losing something of himself irreversibly. but not only. and i will epilogue on that later.

• second of all. something else stroke me about this scene: it's the second time a police officer dies because of him. he is always tied to the events, even though he is not responsible per se. first nam sangbae (as he planted the evidence, it accelerated the process), then jung cheolmun (he spied on his father). and he's the one to find them dying. there's something deeply traumatizing about that. each time feels like he's running against the clock, to fix a mistake he made, or more so to fix a consequence of his actions, but the monsters are always quicker, and he only arrives when he can't do anything. he arrives too late. he tries his best to break the loop, to fix time, to fix fate, to keep god-like powers (his father) from executing their will. but each time they're faster than him, they're all-controling, hence they already won, and he loses. han joowon is the simple mortal who cannot beat the gods, who is caught up in their web and tries to get out of it but only sinks deeper.

• third of all. i'm coming back to where i left off the first point. han joown comes out of jung cheolmun's house, and it looks awful like the front steps of a church. his hands are covered in blood, and the shot is a low angle shot, giving more importance to the height of the building, which i found really emphasized my impression of it being a religious building.

it's really striking how contrasting han joowon looks here. he turned into a fallen angel (which had previously flashed when he found nam sangbae. where it was a suggestion before, has become the embodiment now), a sinner, a monster. he comes out of a holy place dirty, hands bloody. he has lost his purity, he has lost this high dignity surrounding his persona, he has lost his cleanliness, he has lost something about himself that made him so righteous before. and he looks at his hands in a very symbolic way: being caught red-handed, having blood on his hands... he's the monster. only a monster would stand in front of a holy place with blood on their hands. and lee dongsik sees right through that and it disturbed him so much. han joowon crossed a line and he is no more the same. he believes he has done the work of the devil, and the shot shows the vertigo it gives him to come to realization.

on the other side, this seemingly shift to darkness is balanced out by the notion of sacrifice. lee dongsik is the one shining a light on the truth when he shows up. it's almost as if han joowon believes he has killed jung cheolmun, because he is responsible, partly yes, because he has blood on his hands too, but lee dongsik looks at him and knows that han joowon just sacrificed himself for him. and showing lee dongsik right at this moment was a terrific idea, because it breaks han joowon's wrong perception of this moment he sees as his doom, as his sin, his step into darkness, to render it a moment of devotion, of sacrifice, of the ultimate proof of love. lee dongsik's appearance gives him purpose, redempts him from guilt.

[kyogre-blue]

meanwhileinaditch

Unfortunately, NPCs hold a decent chunk of world-building lore you need for plot context. This game's construction, I s2g. I think the calendar and 'home base' are also holding this game back more than helping it. Iirc GD gets some bonus scenes of Claude investigating Fodlan/Relic Lore in the library the other routes don't get.

Yeah, I just got one scene with Tomas jumpscare to talk about how there were previously loads of books about the dark history of the Relics, but now they're all gone, how sus of the church, etc.

tbh my bigger takeaway was the jumpscare itself. Byleth and Claude both do the little flinch in surprise animation, and Claude looks quite uncomfortable when he says that they didn't notice Tomas. They don't react this way to Edelgard barging into the... same scene? next scene? So the whole thing makes Tomas look unexpectedly sus (which makes sense, given that he's a villain or something).

I'm not talking to NPCs tho, absolutely denied. It's so tedious, and I'd have to take notes to even remember anything because this game is just stuffed to the brim with Proper Nouns of plot relevance. I feel tired just thinking about it.

Regarding the calendar and home base, I think they are concepts that could have a place in an FE game, tbh. The visual indication that, hey, these characters have hanging out together for months is helpful to smooth out them getting closer together, and the home base gives you a setting for various scenes and activities.

It's just that 3H is very underbaked. As the video game reviewer Youtubers like to say, "it's a proof of concept game" and needs a more polished next entry. But instead FE has been changing up on every entry, so...

The problem with the calendar is that they didn't put enough on it. It's a repetitive system of explore to get your plot quests and pick up any new items/dialogues, then just grind for four weeks, until it's time for the plot battle. Repeat. It forcefully spaces out the plot events, but also forces them to clump together in big batches... while you might end up forgetting what even happened in the last set since you had a huge block of grinding between them.

imo there's two major issues: you can't choose when you do the main plot battle, and there's too little on the calendar. Birthdays happen, but you don't even get a little scene with the character (tea time is generic if you do it). Holidays happen, but you just get the, again, generic singing at the cathedral scene. All the "events" are functionally just an additional grinding spot. Instead of dumping all things into the explore Sundays, imo they should have separated them out more and made the events feel like, well, events.

Also, visual changes to the monastery would have been really great. As it is, they sure made fancy insert cards for the months, but they couldn't make alternate season visuals in the actual setting. I'm not sure we even have an explorable nighttime version.

As for the home base, the biggest issue is probably that it limits the kind of story you can write. Most older FEs are journeys where your geographic position is tracked, which helps give a sense of the world layout. But in those cases, there wouldn't be anywhere you could return to (unless you compromise into an actual camp that is implied to be pitched in different locations but has the same layout).

But seriously, they're not bad systems per se. They just needed a whole new game to get polished into something that does more than technically function.

The actual biggest problem is what they did with the route split. The systems you can probably live with, but the route structure... yikes.

[dandelion-wings]

What's the context for those excerpts?

I mean, I did say presented without context :P but also I do enjoy a ramble, so. Ideally I would have written the sort-of-intro I have for the universe, but that's going to be longer than I would have the time for this week even if I wasn't trying to actually finish a WIP before the end of October, so, alas, maybe someday.

In the meantime! This started life as a Crimson Peak AU, because some cool friends watched it and so I read the book so I could share in their enthusiasm XD and my Genshin brainrot is such that I try to hash any and all media into Genshin AUs, so. But it has turned to a canon-divergence AU from the girls' childhood, and also a sibling-swap!

I am putting a cut because the next two paragraphs contain a few spoilers for the movie/book. Also, as with the bitlets, warnings for domestic violence/child abuse mentions.

There is a Jean/Diluc/Kaeya version out there (feat. a grief-maddened Crepus trying to kill one of the boys to bring back his beloved) that runs much closer to the actual movie plot, but while we worked out the tragic backstory parallels for Jean and Barbara, Jean does not work nearly as well as Diluc as a brooding romantic hero who seduces rich paramours to steal their fortunes and then allows their more ruthless sibling to kill them.

The tragic backstory works so well, though. All you need is an abusive parent and a sibling determined enough to protect the other to kill them, so running with 'grief-maddened' as parental motive again, we had Seamus die protecting Barbara when she was very young, before whatever led to their divorce had developed in the relationship, presumed that Fredrica had truly loved him enough to be grief-maddened, and let her blame Barbara for it (she was, for the record, six), and then went from there!

In the version that turned into this AU, Fredrica's blame becomes her driving tiny Barbara way, way too hard in training and punishing her extra viciously for failure, in ways that are actively endangering her health and well-being, and in some of the sparring sessions actually threatening her life. (Fredrica does get thoroughly villainized for this, but that's the nature of the original source material, rip.) Jean, unable to stop her or to get anyone to intervene, decides she's going to take care of Barbara whatever it takes, and I'm still working out the exact shape of the scene, but I know that Fredrica tries to make Barbara keep training with a life-threatening wound, and when begging doesn't make her stop, twelve-year-old Jean gathers all her resolve and stabs her in the kidneys. Which gets her an Electro Vision, incidentally, we worked out elements today.

And then she heals Barbara with her new Vision (it's a lucky break, she hadn't been sure what she was going to do about that), marches down to the Ordo, and turns herself in directly to Varka. Who knew Fredrica was unbalanced and feels so guilty he can't, like, take her to court, so he manages to evade that by being like 'her Vision appearing proves her action was necessary and it was pure defense of another, we don't need to drag the eight-year-old who has now seen both her parents die in front of her through a trial,' but there have to be Consequences. Jean is stripped of her inheritance as a Gunnhildr and placed in the Church's custody, ostensibly as an orphan but with very restrictive rules because they are Watching Her.

Barbara, meanwhile, is Crepus' goddaughter, because I'm running with my "Seamus and Crepus were friends" headcanon, and once she got her way with Jean, Fredrica gave Seamus that as a concession. Crepus really wants Diluc, who is desperately lonely, to have a companion of equal rank that he can actually play with, and he also genuinely cared for Seamus and is genuinely concerned for Barbara, so he pulls that string and gets two birds with one throw! Neither Diluc nor Barbara want to consider the other siblings per se, because Jean is a very present ghost in that relationship, but they resolve this by Diluc swearing himself to her, in a very knightly style, as her protector in lieu of Jean until they both reach majority and are permitted to see each other again. He is acting on behalf of her big sister and that works for them both.

When Kaeya shows up all of a month later, Crepus has already satisfied his desire of getting Diluc a companion, and also is dealing with Barbara's incredible, massive PTSD and doesn't have the capacity for another sure-looks-traumatized kid. So Kaeya gets shuffled to... the Church orphanage! Where none of the other kids want to socialize with a weird twitchy foreign kid, and he ends up plopping himself down beside the other kid no one wants to socialize with. Because she killed her own mother. I am applying another of my pet headcanons here, the "Kaeya's mother turned into a monster" one, and so they have a conversation that goes approximately:

Jean: You don't want to be my friend. I killed my own mother. Kaeya: So did I. Jean: What? Why? Kaeya: She was turning into a monster. Jean: ...So was mine.

Anyway! Friendship accomplished. With the worst possible person with regards to his purported mission here, but Kaeya is, honestly, desperate for anyone to be nice to him, and Jean may be mired in guilt here (redoubled by the fact that she still can't think of anything better she could have done), but she is not going to be mean to this scared flinchy foreign kid who looks scared in so many of the same ways Barbara did. And then, like three or four years later, Varka dumps Rosaria on the Church as well, and she naturally gravitates to the "killed our own parents and also none of the other kids like us" club. XD

Anyway, things proceed as canon re: Ursa, and that's where we are as of the bitlets! Jean and Barbara, if it wasn't clear, are forbidden to contact each other at all until Barbara has reached her majority, and both are abiding by it for a couple reasons, including fear the other one will report them if they violate the rule, because they're both deeply attached to the idea of their sister they haven't seen in five years, but are also unhappily aware that neither of them know anything of what that sister is like now. :( Both hoping the other wants them back, but terrified that they won't.... Better to follow the rules, and put off the harsh reality.

(Rosaria thinks this is stupid and Jean should just sneak across town and rip off the bandage. Rosaria thinks a lot of Jean's feelings and fears are stupid. Jean did one badass thing at twelve and then let this purported 'civilization' Rosaria has been forced to join make her feel bad about it. Rosaria would still do a murder for Jean, mind XD she just has Opinions. Kaeya also has Opinions but unlike Rosaria keeps them to himself, because he's gotten pretty good at being the kind of diplomatic required from a brother in the Church, and would rather hatch plans about it than argue.)

(Eula, when she shows up in the Ordo a year later and is greeted by a young knight from the Logistics Company who holds out her hand to her when no one else is speaking to her and smiles (because it's what Jean would have done, Barbara thinks, and besides, given what happened in her family, she can hardly judge the Lawrences any longer), decides that if Jean is cruel to Barbara when they do reunite, she will make her pay, because Barbara is one of the few bright spots in an Ordo rotted hollow at the center, and she deserves better.)

(Diluc is on his murderventure, but has significantly more faith in both sisters than they have in themselves, and is a much more active correspondent with Barbara than he is with Kaeya in canon. Because he made her oaths, and it would be a betrayal of both his childhood friend and the girl who's become almost his sister to fail them.)

[darpow]

MERROCK TASK #17 SPRING FORWARD

first things first: do you like spring? Spring's fine! I don't really know if I have a favorite season, so I don't really have a reason to not like it, to be honest?

what is your favorite thing about spring? Probably just the way campus looks, with all the flower beds and budded out trees.

what is your least favorite thing about spring? Allergies.

do you have a vegetable / produce / fruit garden? I'm going to see if I can bully talk my roommates into planting one with me this year, I think we could grow some mean veggies!

how about flower beds, or things planted in the house? There's a lot of landscaping around our house, if that counts!

regardless of what you do or do not plant, are you good at growing plants? have a green thumb? I'm not, like... bad luck to plants, per se, but I can't really say that I'm a super great gardener or anything, either, you know?

what's your favorite flower or plant? Aloe. It has so many uses.

what's your favorite scent that you associate with spring? Sugar. Does that count? Between Easter candy, peanut butter eggs, people baking, things just smell sweet.

is there a sound that you associate with spring time? The birds are back.

do you prefer sunny mornings or rainy afternoons? Sunny mornings! Ever walk a dog in the rain? It's not the most fun thing on the planet!

favorite thing to do on a sunny, warm spring day? Take the boys out for a walk, go hiking by myself, sit outside and just enjoy the sunshine and breeze.

favorite thing to do on a rainy, chilly spring day? Read, watch movies, maybe break out the board games and see if I can challenge anyone to a fun afternoon of hating each other while playing Monopoly. Just saying.

do you celebrate Easter? any traditions you follow for it? I do, my family has always done the traditional stuff (Easter egg hunts, church, dinner), so if I go home, I do that. If I stay here in town, I normally help out with the egg hunt and the Community Center if they need it, or I just have dinner with friends.

regardless of if you do or don't: favorite Easter candy? I like those gigantic hollow chocolate bunnies, they just bring back good memories!

what other springtime holidays do you observe? None, really.

favorite place in Merrock to visit in the springtime? The dog park, good place to take Gale and Walter, but also just to hang out with friends who are doing the same thing.

the spring bugs are coming out: do you rescue them and let them out of the house, or grab the nearest shoe? If it's a bug that's just minding its own business, I'll politely escort them from the premises. If it's biting or coming after me, it's on sight, and I will absolutely smoosh it with a shoe. Sorry.

are you a big spring cleaner? Kinda, I do feel like it's a good time of year to get rid of things that you don't want anymore.

do you switch over your wardrobe from cold weather to warm weather clothes? Yep! But I normally wait until after the school year, because that way I can put all my "professor" clothes away and pull out the stuff that I actually want to wear.

how about the house: does your decor change for the spring season? do you rearrange furniture? We might change some decor to make it seasonal, 'cuz that's fun, but we don't really change the furniture all that much!

what color makes you think 'spring'? Yellow.

describe your perfect spring outfit: Jeans and a t-shirt! Stuff that I don't get to wear from September through May very often. I'll toss on a light hoodie and wear some sneakers and be set for the whole season. And very versatile, too.

most adorable looking baby animal that you ever did see? I always think that baby birds are cute in drawings and cartoons, until you see them in real life...? I like baby pigs.

what's a drink that makes you think of spring? Iced coffee.

how about a snack? Gelato.

[rafaelcb]

MERROCK TASK #17 SPRING FORWARD

first things first: do you like spring? I don't dislike spring.

what is your favorite thing about spring? Being able to walk to the office again is pretty nice. I always feel horrible for that short drive to and from my house, but sometimes the cold is just a little too cold int he morning to make the walk.

what is your least favorite thing about spring? Allergies, people walking their dogs, bees, the bugs, super early morning birds.

do you have a vegetable / produce / fruit garden? No.

how about flower beds, or things planted in the house? There are a few plants in the house, a couple that I water, but mostly the housekeeper takes care of them. Outside, there are flower boxes and potted plants on the patio.

regardless of what you do or do not plant, are you good at growing plants? have a green thumb? I can keep plants alive, but I don't really grow things, no.

what's your favorite flower or plant? I just like... green things. Plants that you'd keep in an office. Ferns are nice, too.

what's your favorite scent that you associate with spring? Fresh rain.

is there a sound that you associate with spring time? Those morning birds, which drive me batty.

do you prefer sunny mornings or rainy afternoons? Rainy afternoons.

favorite thing to do on a sunny, warm spring day? Go for a run, if I have the day to myself. Take a walk, work on the patio.

favorite thing to do on a rainy, chilly spring day? Put on some music, pick up a book, and read on the couch.

do you celebrate Easter? any traditions you follow for it? I do, I have always attended church services with my parents, and still do to this day. My mom helps out with the Easter egg hunt, so I help her with that, and then on Sunday, after church, we have a very big dinner at the estate.

regardless of if you do or don't: favorite Easter candy? Homemade peanut butter eggs.

what other springtime holidays do you observe? None, really.

favorite place in Merrock to visit in the springtime? Probably the park downtown, but I also enjoy just taking walks around the area. A lot of shops have flower boxes out, and the trees are in bloom.

the spring bugs are coming out: do you rescue them and let them out of the house, or grab the nearest shoe? Shoe. I'm sorry, I know that's politically incorrect of me, but I do not have time to save every crawling, hideous thing with six or eight legs that goes through my house.

are you a big spring cleaner? No.

do you switch over your wardrobe from cold weather to warm weather clothes? Yes. I take the clothes that I know that I won't be wearing in the winter to store at my parents' in a second walk-in closet, and keep the one in my house strictly for warm-weather options I might need.

how about the house: does your decor change for the spring season? do you rearrange furniture? I'm a creature of habit; my furniture and decor largely stays the same unless it's time for a total remodel of the space.

what color makes you think 'spring'? Soft green.

describe your perfect spring outfit: I don't... really wear 'spring' outfits, per se. I guess dark jeans, a button down and nice shoes.

most adorable looking baby animal that you ever did see? I don't really like baby animals, since I don't really like animals, but I do think that the fox that we had wandering around the downtown area a few years back was cute.

what's a drink that makes you think of spring? Anything with a touch of vanilla to it, like a latte.

how about a snack? Things that are light and easy to eat; sandwiches, salads, soups. But if you mean a snack snack, then probably fruits with dip.

[jonathandotjon]

I feel this post is something that has been a long time coming for me. I've been trying to reach this point for a long time, and I realize either I still haven't been successful in achieving it, or, it finally is so close that I realize maybe I can make it.

Moments ago, I made a tweet thread regarding my issue as fellow Christians tend to be who I interact with most on Twitter, or... was Twitter.. What I said was:

This evening, my Tues. night small group, a casual bringing of 2 Corinthians 2:5-11 in the aspect of spiritual Warfare may have been eye opening for me. My fickle mental health may be due to my inability, not in recieving forgiveness from others, but myself could be my own spiritual war. What may be a funny conclusion is tragically poetic for me. I wonder if the voices that constantly tell me that I'm not worth the air I breathe and the voices that tell me that the world would be better off if I just offed myself are demonic. By no means am I possessed, but oppressed, perhaps. The biggest challenge it seems I have faced is failing to forgive myself for things I did in my upbringing, for mistreating friends, for unbeknownst behavior towards them. Often failure in being able to control myself and my personality, or failure in controlling my emotions. Failure in dealing with habitual sin (another aspect of spiritual oppression) and especially failure in being more attuned to God and His commands. If there was a way to simply forgive myself for these shortcomings as a one time deal and be able to successfully just move on, I wouldn't hesitate to take it. Yet, it seems that there may be a bit to unpack and it may be as simple as truly forgiving what I had to deal with in IFB upbringing. The short term solution in that aspect logically seems to simply block those who would trigger feelings of resentment within me. I'm always welcoming to those who wish to reconcile from my old church, so long as they are seeking to be forgiven. I've forgiven the people, I just need to forgive the past, and in doimg so, may need to far distance myself from any reminders . In forgiving the past, maybe then I can truly be able to forgive myself. I don't know how coherent I have been here tonight, or if what I have said has made any sense. I just want to know what God's forgiveness feels like in a way where his forgiveness towards me can be reflected into my own sense of self-worth... if that makes sense.

In trying to further break down this and the plethora of emotions I am just, oh so privileged to deal with, there are a few things I want to lay out first.

I am not seeking pity

I am not seeking sympathy or empathy

I am not seeking to vampirize anyone's positivity

I am especially not seeking, or at least trying not to seek anyone's attention away from what's important in their own lives

Because I use Tumblr as a personal blog to chronicle my own deepest thoughts and to make attempts to self-reflect, I see it as a safe place to freely write and anyone I would share it with is someone who I've put a lot of trust in. I do not endorse Tumblr per se, I just see it as a great tool for this.

------

I've made it no secret to those who know me that I deal with mental health issues ranging from ADHD and OCD to less complex issues like depression and anxiety. What I am not always open about is that I have had some brief speculations at times of possibly being on the spectrum but I don't have sufficient evidence or reason to believe at this time that I am. I also think there are possibilities of religious induced PTSD, but I do not claim that this is actual fact.

In writing what I did on Twitter, what has really begun to reach out to me are the different aspects of what I deal with mentally and the simple conclusion is that I've failed in being able to forgive myself for the past or current repeated failures of my life. It's easy to forgive others because you aren't them but it's difficult to forgive yourself because you know who you are.

I strongly believe that the constant feeling of loneliness I deal with honestly comes from the demonic influence I've probably allowed unknowingly into my life. There is an aspect of my personality I truly despise which is what I believe to be an obnoxious level of extroversion. And honestly, I'm believing the only way in being able to grow is through self-forgiveness. The goal is not to make myself an introvert, but in at least walking the gray line where either or is comfortable; the silence of others does not have to be scary.

A moment of vulnerability I need to come to terms with, when you repeatedly have to fight, as most Western men, the battle with pornography addiction, the sense of self can become highly degraded. Habitual sin, though mine is repentent, is exactly what the enemy wants and if one is caught believing he cannot forgive himself, the offense logically will only be repeated. Those dealing through this tend to question themselves.

Not everything negative I deal with is entirely the product of self-unforgiveness, but it's probably the biggest battle I'm going to have to fight. Maybe the head of my issues?

I did mention that I do fight with mental health disorders and those are legitimate. The endocrine system as well as the brain are still subject to problems as every other organ of the body is and invalidating mental health as just spiritual attack is a tactic only scumbag or misinformed Christians adhere to. Yet, my argument is more so on the basis of if some issues are because of surrendered ground to the darkness. There can be so many different avenues to approach from, and every case if different, and should be treated individually. For me, I just believe that after taking medication and it not working as it supposedly should, my own issues could be more of my own spirit being in constant Warfare.

There's too much for me to go back and feel the need to edit this. It's 3:33 AM upon writing this paragraph and I want sleep. As I said in my thread, I hope I made sense and was coherent. To those I have wronged in my own wrongdoing towards myself, I am sorry, and I ask that you would forgive me. I ask for prayers that I'd have a sense of God's grace in being able to forgive myself.

I'm just sick of all the bullshit in life and honestly, Christ who is in me, He rightfully deserves all of my shit back.

[yombleflobber-mobile-emporium]

My wife and I purchased a house, and paid it off in five years. It has been a strange experience, as she had lived in more houses than her age (somewhere around twenty to twenty-five different houses) and I had lived in one house for twenty-five years. I want to note that this new house is not a splendiferous mansion, nor are we titans of income. The house was cheap, and we're poor. Kinda.

Basically, I want to make it clear that, for lack of a better term, we were lucky.

I've been in a lot of different churches, and a running insidious thread I find in a lot of them is the line between fascination and legalism. See, I like words. I think looking up etymologies are super fun, and I made sure to rescue Use the Right Word, by S. I. Hayakawa from a slow and painful death on my parents' bookshelf. That said, I take issue with the weird way Christians often treat words.

We do not own the word "hope", for instance. I appreciate that in a theological context, our hope in Christ is sure, and not subject to the shifting ephemera of the hopes and dreams of the world. No big deal.

My issue is that you can't just stop using the word "hope" in other contexts. The phrase, "I hope it rains tomorrow." is a whimsical statement of desire, mixed with perhaps a passing knowledge of meteorological tendencies, and may or may not be met with the satisfaction of a delicious, soul-drenching downpour tomorrow. Many Christians would argue that this use of the word "hope" is inappropriate, or at least inappropriate for us to use.

I disagree. If you heard someone say, "I hope it rains tomorrow." you would understand exactly what they meant. If you hear someone say, "I hope Christ returns soon." or "I hope that one day there will be perfect justice done on earth, and sin and death are dealt with and removed from existence." I would argue you also understand what is meant. Obviously, if you are not a Christian, you might not believe that those events will take place. If you are a Christian, you have a little something called Assurance that those events will take place.

When people don't use the word "hope" outside of a religious context, I find their communication suffers. It sounds like they are trying to squirrel around a word that seems fairly innocuous. It isn't even per se difficult to understand what people are trying to say, but it seems like they use an abundance of words to say it. My impression of it is that people are afraid to use certain words, elevating them to a status they do not deserve, and seeking to assign meaning that, while there, should not be exclusive.

I feel the same way about the word "love". I have had my feelings completely devalued by many speakers who insist that "love is a verb" and those butterflies in your stomach are going to go away — never to be seen again.

Look.

You should always understand that love is something that needs to be proven somehow. If you say you love someone, but are engaging in unloving acts, you are simply lying to them. You should also be careful about saying you love someone if you are not willing, ready, and able to commit, and if they are not also willing, ready, and able to do so.

That said, if you feel all squirmy about someone, that is totally fine. Don't get obsessed, but, like, that's pretty cool.

Sometimes you have to work things out, and other people telling you you're a fool when you already think you might be is...not endearing.

All this to talk about the word "Lucky".

I don't believe in luck. I believe in providence, and I believe that is not a bad stand-in, definition-wise, for saying something is "lucky". That said, I feel like, as a guy who struggles with assurance, married to a gal who also struggles with assurance, the word "lucky" is sometimes better to use.

We got our house through providence. God saw fit to provide us with a set of circumstances by which we were able, with limited income and the changing tides of different employments, to afford a house that was not particularly expensive.

Was it difficult? Yes. We have had to knock out all the walls, put in insulation, and wire the electrical for the whole thing, while working full-time and doing school. We would have done that earlier (we're not done yet) except we both struggle with depression, lack of motivation, lack of training, and difficulty asking for help. We have to get it done this summer because we're pregnant with twins, and we need a functioning kitchen, and a bedroom.

We are not remarkably good with money. Yes, I have been indoctrinated with Dave Ramsey's Money Management Platitudes, but I would not recommend that to you. Sometimes you have to take on debt, and that is absolutely not a moral failing. Dave Ramsey makes me stressed, and unable to move forward with a lot of things. Do what works for you.

And that is why I hesitate to attribute our relative success to "providence" off the bat. We are not particularly virtuous, we aren't financially competent (often), and our set of circumstances is unique.

"Providence" comes with a certain baggage I am sure not everyone has, but may recognize. "Providence" suggests that we did something to earn what was given. Perhaps we prayed hard enough (not really), or helped the poor a lot (eh), or go to church regularly (trying, but nope), or in some other way deserve the situation we are in.

I'm a Calvinist. It is my understanding that nothing we do influences what God has set out for us. The sovereignty of God precludes luck and chance. All that we receive is out of God's benevolent providence.

That said, we were lucky to get our trash pit of a house. It's coming along pretty well, but dang the summer is going fast, and it hasn't even really started yet.

[solomons-finest-rum]

Hello, i'd have a little request, if you don't mind? Would you consider writing something about a female reader (who is maybe a little on the chubby/curvy side) x Alfie Solomons? Maybe she was Tommys fiance, but he left her for Grace. So years later she is married to Alfie, happier than ever. I would adore some scenes maybe in their home? Just some cozy fluff, i also love Cyril in the mix. She meets Tommy again when he is in a meeting with Alfie and she just decided to come by, because she's on a walk with Cyril? That would be absolutely fabulous and would make me so so happy! Thank you so much in advance if you decide to have a go at it!

“Alfie's Girl” — (Alfie Solomons x fem!Reader)

SUMMARY — It started with you teasing Alfie mercilessly and thinking you could get away with it.

AUTHOR’S NOTE — Dear Anon, I know you never asked for a smutty fic, I always said I didn’t want to write smutty fics, but the truth is I have been circling around this request for quite some time and then I thought... this is the only thing that fits. Alfie LOVES curvy and plus-size women, that is just a fact ❤️❤️❤️ I figured he would worship you. But again, I am so sorry for the unsolicited steamy action, I take full responsibility if I have accidentally violated your boundaries, please forgive me if that’s the case and feel free to request another fic from me ❤️

TRIGGERS/WARNINGS — While this isn’t explicit content per se, it is quite smutty and NSFW, please read at your own discretion.

WORD COUNT — 1,151

Masterlist

It started with you teasing Alfie mercilessly and thinking you could get away with it. Not really his girlfriend yet, not really a nobody, you accompanied him to a business dinner that became your personal quest. No, you weren’t ready for any labels and no, you were not about to let this man go either. You wanted everything from him and pretended you cared for nothing.

But. He was a gangster and you knew catching this one required wit and even more determination. Fortunately, you were blessed with both. You wanted Alfie, but you were prepared to be smart about it, too. The dress you chose was carefully selected—crimson red and tight in all the right places. The most important part of the outfit, though, was your attitude.

You practically ignored Alfie all evening—the picture of perfect politeness, of course, but the devil was in the details. You listened to his rivals intently and laughed at their stupid jokes. Not too much, but just enough. The sleeve of your dress would sometimes slide off your shoulder just so and you pretended not to give a damn about that either.

It wouldn’t take a chef to determine Alfie was boiling. You consciously chose to be a bitch to him, but the part that was most fun was that he knew exactly what you were doing and why you were doing it, too.

But when you ordered tiramisu for dessert and took your first spoonful, he couldn’t take it anymore. Not when you licked the spoon like that. Alfie got up, threw money on the table and practically dragged you out, all in one swift motion.

You weren’t scared, not at all. You giggled when he put you in the cab and you let him order you around in short commands until he had you behind locked doors, all to himself, a gift ready to be unwrapped. Yes, it was a calculated risk you willingly took, a bet you wanted to lose.

Only now it was time to pay your dues and you weren’t so sure you could take it.

“Oh, God…”

Alfie took his sweet fucking time to punish you. He let out an appreciative grunt, but said nothing else, too busy between your legs to care about anything. He didn’t let you take the dress off, but he nearly lost it when he saw you had no panties on the entire time. You laughed when he swore under his breath, so angry you could practically feel it, but then he put that tongue to work and you weren’t laughing anymore.

The clock on the nearby church tower struck midnight and with each toll of the bell your breathing got heavier.

That was the case with Alfie—he never half-assed anything in his life. If he ate, he ate well. If he fucked, he took and gave back. “Life’s for livin’, darlin’,” he would tell you and give you a wink that was positively wicked.

Right now, you were at his mercy and you knew he wouldn’t stop until he coaxed the last breath and the last moan out of your throat and left you exhausted. It seemed you went to that dinner with your own bet in mind and Alfie went with his. Which one was losing, which one had won, it was hard to tell anymore.

You moaned again and exhaled when he put more pressure right where you needed him to.

No, Alfie never half-assed anything and his choice in women resembled a wolf’s choice in prey. Carefully selected, dutifully observed, masterfully slaughtered.

Right about now, it really felt like dying. He was relentless and hummed in appreciation every time you tugged his hair. That was just about the only thing you could do, besides closing your thighs tighter and tighter, unable to take this any second longer. “Right, if my skull’s crushed by those magnificent thighs, darlin’, then that’s the way to go,” he’d say and you never believed him—until one day he spent two hours between your legs, leaving you howling.

“Alfie!”

Another hum and another gentle vibration between your legs, driving you insane. He loved the sound of his name in your mouth, as he never failed to remind you. If this was supposed to be his end, you were pretty sure it would be yours, too.

“Ah, fuck! Fuck! Fucking… Christ!”

He punished you for that last word, you knew he did, because suddenly there were teeth where you really didn’t want them in the first place. But it didn’t matter anymore. It did the job. You cried out and keened when he wouldn’t stop. You needed him to stop right fucking now, but also you didn’t. You craved that extra bit of attention and Alfie, damn him, he knew exactly where your limits were. He would never cross them, but would he ride the fucking edge? Oh, absolutely he would.

He gave you one last lick, that one last bit of attention, but he wouldn’t let go of your hips just yet. You knew they would be bruised the next day, but you couldn’t care less. Alfie worshipped your body and you loved it when he did. Not one inch of you wasn’t sufficiently explored and when he touched, it was always deliberate, always a handful, always more. Was he greedy? Absolutely, he was. But you could afford it, couldn’t you?

His beard scratched your inner thigh when he came out for air and he chuckled at your protests.

“Sore?” he murmured.

You huffed and yanked his head back by the hair. Hard.

Alfie’s grin only grew bigger and he looked at you now like an artist would at his greatest masterpiece.

“Hmm,” he grunted, appreciating all of you. “Yeah… That’s my girl.”

He rested his head on your stomach and your nails gently scratched his scalp just like you knew he liked it. But you knew that peace wouldn’t last. Not when you saw how desperately he throbbed for you. It didn’t take very long for the dress to land on the floor, along with the rest of your clothes.

Alfie had nothing on already, you weren’t really sure when or where he did that, but you knew him well enough to just accept certain things about him. One of them being, if he had a choice between that suit or that shirt, he’d say “fuck it” and go naked.

“Yeah, now these… These are things of beauty, hm?” Alfie grumbled, in all honesty more to himself than to you.

Your breasts had his undivided attention now and it almost made you laugh how much he enjoyed them. But did you care? Not very. Not when he put that mouth to an actual good use and set your soul on fire once more. To be perfectly honest, you were prepared to let him burn the house down, if it only meant you could keep him forever.

[300yearschallenge]

Constantine woke up early in the morning on his first ever day of education and only barely managed to get his breakfast down due to the nerves.

The Park residence was on the outskirt of the woods near the church and was relatively small and modest compared to what 'Tine had imagined.

His father walked him over to the house hand in hand, and once they were outside he knelt down and helped straighten out 'Tine's clothes.

"Now," Ulf said, "You will be the only farmer's son in there and that might feel very intimidating at first, but don't forget your own worth, son."

'Tine gave a weak smile and nodded, but in all honesty he wasn't entirely sure what his own worth even was.

Markus Park, the man in charge of teaching everyone, seemed like a slightly stern but also mild mannered man who had to take the occassional break from teaching in order to fulfill his job as a bellringer for the church.

Despite being entirely new 'Tine was immediately made to read letters out loud in front of the other boys.

His nerves made the paper tremble and caused him to stutter, and his attempts at focusing were only made worse by the sudden intrusion by one of Mr. Park's younger children.

Eventually 'Tine finally got to sit down, but the noise from Mr. Park's other family and the overlapping talking from the other boys made 'Tine feel a bit overwhelmed.

But after a bit he began to realise that some of the boys' rowdiness was just playful camraderie between them and Mr. Park, which helped 'Tine open up a little.

He felt even better when some of his jokes seemed to make a good impression among his fellow classmates, and at the end of the day he felt a lot less nervous than he had before.

.

.

.

Historical Info

Welcome to the very, very small beginnings of what would later become school for the common man.

Well, sort of, anyway. Let me explain:

Technically universities and other educational facilities have existed for centuries before this point in time, although these were usually directed towards the upper classes.

Now, after the 1723 law stating all children should learn to read there was an increase in the amount of schools (and "schools") around the country, although increase doesn't necessarily mean there were many (in Finland there were a total of 7 schools that let students advance to university (I'm super sorry this source is in Swedish. In fact all of them are, I had a really hard time finding English sources that weren't behind a paywall Q_Q) .

Unfortunately for Constantine what he is doing doesn't count as a formal education per se, at least not one that would allow him to study further.

But just because a place didn't have a Proper Official School(TM) doesn't mean they didn't have any form of education at all. In fact the protestant church was wanting to educate people (hence why so many "teachers" were either priests or people employed by the church) because increased literacy meant more people would be able to read the Bible and thus lead more godly lives etc. etc.

However, having said that, that doesn't mean they always went to great lengths to educate the poorer classes. Most students of these "schools" were of the merchant class and richer farmers. Poorer farmers and girls in general were often left out. That said the latest source does mention a part in Sweden where the church did make some attempts to help the poorer classes learn, so that means it most likely was a bit up to the individual priests in charge of education to decide.

Richer classes, such as priests and nobility did not send their children to these but instead had personal tutors live in with the family for however long was needed.

A final thing to know is that even in more Proper Schools there was usually just one classroom with everyone being taught at once, and as you might imagine this might not be the most helpful learning environment, even with the decreased class sizes. Especially with the unofficial schools, which usually took place in houses where other people lived or work.

[wowbright]

Fic: Anything Lovely

Klaine Advent 2020: Ugly

Words: ~1500 words

Summary: Kurt changes his tie. A friendly doctrinal discussion ensues.

Rating: Teen and up

Another vignette from my Mormon!Klaine universe for Klaine Advent 2020. This vignette takes place a few weeks into their companionship, immediately after All Creatures Great and Small and Spider-Cat.

My Mormon!Klaine/Klaine Advent 2020 Masterpost.

Notes: The “MTC” is the “missionary training center.”

If you have any questions about cultural or religious references, feel free to use my ask box!

--------

“I can't wear this tie today. It's too …” Kurt contemplated himself in the bedroom mirror. He’d changed out of his cat-hair-covered trousers, and was now inspecting his top half for tell-tale signs of their covert operation. His buttondown looked fine, and so did his tie. If there was any cat hair on it, it couldn't be seen over the intricate purple, blue, and white pattern of tiny abstract flowers that once adorned one of his mother’s Sunday skirts. He finally settled on a word to describe it. “Happy.”

“What's wrong with being happy?” Elder Anderson asked.

“Nothing per se. But I'd like more of a contrast with tomorrow. Today, Jesus is in the tomb. Tomorrow, resurrection.”

Elder Anderson squeezed in next to Kurt to check his own necktie. It was a subdued navy one with thin, light blue stripes that crossed it at an angle. He gave Kurt a playful nudge with his elbow. “That sounds so Catholic. Maybe Elder Clarington’s right about you.”

“Oh, come on. It's not like I'm going to start drinking wine and chanting my prayers. I'd just like to acknowledge the important occasion of our Lord and Savior’s death and resurrection with more than words.” Kurt began unworking the knot of his tie. ��So I can't wear this. I need something that's ugly. Like death.”

“That’s morbid. Besides, you don't own any ugly ties.”

“Plain then. Pedestrian.”

“You don't have any pedestrian ones, either, unless you've been hiding something from me.”

“Actually …” Kurt walked over to his dresser and opened his tie drawer. From the very back, he retrieved a plain, steel gray tie that was a little on the skinny side but not enough to break the dress code. “I have this. I wore it at the MTC a lot so I could fit in, but barely ever since. I like color and patterns. But it actually isn’t too bad. I made it from a bridesmaid dress my mom had, and I do like the sheen. Though of course, my liking it is irrelevant if my goal is to be plain.”

“You could never be plain, no matter what you wore.”

“Well, I have to try.” Kurt did the tie up, then pulled on his vest and suit jacket. Vests were not required in the dress code, but Kurt liked the look and the snug sense of being held they. “Okay?” He turned to Elder Anderson to get a critical evaluation of the outfit.

“Um, yeah. What I said stands. You look incredible.”

“I wasn't fishing for compliments.”

“I’m not complimenting you. Just speaking the truth. I'm sorry to be the one to break it to you, but I don't think you could look plain dressed in a burlap bag. You'd work some kind of magic on it without even trying. You always manage to be so debonair.”

Kurt could feel the blood rising to his face. Deflecting the first compliment hadn't worked. It had turned into a full-on assault of praise. He needed to try another approach. Like hiding his face. And changing the subject. Besides, they really needed to get going. He spun around and left the bedroom. “Anyway, it's not Catholic. It's Lutheran.”

Elder Anderson was hot on his trail. “Your fashion sense?”

“No, my Easter sense. My dad’s a convert. He was raised Lutheran.” Kurt stopped in the entryway to check his backpack for signs of cat hair. Thankfully, Spinnenkatze had spared it. She was curled contentedly on that little corner of the loveseat that she’d clearly decided was hers. “When I was a kid, our ward had sacrament meetings in the afternoon, so for a few years on Easter mornings, we'd go to church with my grandparents and then have brunch over at their house, and then they’d come to sacrament meeting.”

“That sounds nice.”

“It was. Their whole church would be filled with flowers like we do at General Conference. It smelled incredible. It really marked the contrast between death and resurrection.”

“Huh.” Elder Anderson pulled on his coat and bike helmet. “What was the service like?”

“It's been a while, but I remember they had a woman priest.”

“Really? That's wild.”  

“Right?” Kurt grabbed his keychain off the hook and opened the front door, giving one last glance at Spinnenkatze before they went to admire how cutely she’d curled her paws around her sleeping face. He’d miss her, but she’d be fine. “What else do I remember …? I liked the choir. It must have had 40 people in it, at least. Loud and amazing. Other than that? They said the Lord’s Prayer and a lot of other rote prayers, and I got a little superior about that until my dad gave me a talking to.”

Elder Anderson chuckled behind him as they began to descend the stairs. “What exactly did you do?”

“I don't remember exactly, but I think I told my grandparents they shouldn’t pray that way because it was ‘vain repetitions.’”

“I can totally picture little Elder Hummel trying to preach the gospel to his grandparents. You must have been so adorable.”

“I was a pain in the ass, is what I was. And if bigger Elder Hummel gets arrogant like that, you really need to give him a swift kick.”

“Yeah, but technically you weren't wrong. Except possibly the disrespecting your elders part. If you did disrespect your elders. I guess it all depends on what your attitude was. Maybe you were just trying to help them.”  

“Oh, I'm sure I was trying to be helpful. But technically, I was wrong.” Kurt heard Elder Anderson’s footsteps come to a stop behind him.

“But how? Jesus said ‘when ye pray, use not vain repetitions.’”

Kurt looked over his shoulder at Elder Anderson. He looked unusually boyish just now. He had that expression on his face that kids get when they encounter a concept they've never run into before. Surprised, perplexed, and unsure how to proceed. Not any of the anger that he was used to seeing in adult’s faces when one of their dearly held beliefs was challenged.

“I used to think that too,” Kurt said. “That you should never repeat the same prayer twice because that would be vain repetition.” He lowered his voice. “But when I went to the temple.”

“Oh.” A light bulb of understanding flashed on behind Elder Andersons eyes. “I hadn’t thought of that.”

“I mean, honestly,” Kurt adjusted the volume of his voice even lower, leaning close to Elder Anderson, “it freaked me out a little when I realized that every time you go through the temple, it's the exact same thing: the same words, the same movements, the same prayers. But those aren't ‘vain repetitions.’”

“I guess,” Elder Anderson whispered back. “But isn't that different? Because it's the temple? I mean, ordinances have to be performed in very specific ways because that's how the Lord set it up. So they have to be repeated word for word.”

“Yeah, but just because prayers don't have to be memorized doesn't mean they can't be. I don't think the Lord's going to condemn people for saying rote prayers with a sincere heart. How is that vain?” Kurt realized he was still whispering and leaning in toward Elder Anderson, even though he didn’t need to be anymore, since they were past talking about the temple. He straightened up and resumed his descent. Elder Anderson skipped down behind him. “I think ‘vain repetitions’ is more like when the Zoramites got on top of their Rameumpton and pretended they were praying but were really just talking to themselves, telling themselves over and over how awesome they were and how God loved them the best and everyone else was going to hell.”

“Huh. I never thought of it that way.”

“Well, it's all very theoretical in any case. It's not like I'm gonna go memorize the Lord’s Prayer and start saying it every night. That would feel weird. I guess I'm just saying that I see the worth in it. And I'm not going to judge other people for doing it.”

“No, I think I get what you’re saying,” Elder Anderson said as they stepped out onto the sidewalk. It was cloudy, just like an Easter Saturday should be. “‘If there is anything virtuous, lovely, or of good report or praiseworthy, we seek after these things.’”

Kurt’s heart did a little leap, the same kind of leap it did in those Easter services long ago when his nose got hit by all those flowers. “That’s one of my favorite scriptures.”

Elder Anderson beamed. “I thought it would be. It’s one of mine too.” He bumped his shoulder lightly against Kurt’s as they walked toward their bikes. “We're two peas in a pod, aren't we?”

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

Vol. XLIII

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Being Useful for You

(9x09)

Hello My Friends? Are you enjoying this hiatus and the Holidays???

Here I am with a new meta from this series, this time I'm gonna talk exclusively of episode 9x09 Holy Terror. The Destiel scene here is a classic one, full of flirtation, had been analyzed a hundred of times, so it will be a hundred and one! 🤣🤣

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made all the gifs for this meta and discussed the episode with me, thank you my dear! 😍💕

Now, let's began.

Let it shine

When the episode starts... There's this faction of the angels coming into a bar for a fight with Malaqui's angels.

The nuns were singing...

♪ This little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ this little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ this little light of mine ♪

♪ I'm gonna let it shine ♪

♪ let it shine, let it shine, let it shine ♪

Which is a prelude to Castiel recovering his angel's powers.

But then, inside the bar... The rebels angels, anarchists, were listening this song...

you got a nasty disposition ♪

♪ no one really knows the reason why ♪

♪ you got a bad, bad reputation ♪

♪ gonna hang your head down and cry ♪

♪ you got bad, bad luck ♪

♪ bad, bad luck ♪

♪ you got bad, bad luck ♪

Again this is talking about Castiel, like that bad one between the angels. The one with the bad reputation.

And is not casualty Cas will take the grace from one of the rebels. Because his rebellious nature.

Flirting in front of Sam

When they arrived to the bar, Dean and Sam found Cas already investigating as an FBI agent.

And because Sam was ignoring the whole "Zeke" situation, he saw Cas working and it was fun for him, feeling all proud, he went with the river.

But Dean wasn't amused. He knew the whole angels want to kill Cas issue, so he knew Cas won't be safe.

But... There was a really blatant flirty situation between Human Cas and Dean.

Castiel was a little drunk, because it was his first time doing that, I think he repeated that like twice, and a very easy going fluidity of words and second meanings.

Let's see ...

CASTIEL: It is so good being together again. You know, this is my first beer as a human. I hope it's okay, me joining you?

SAM: Why wouldn't it be okay?

DEAN (looks alarmed at this turn of the conversation) You know, Cas, are you sure you're ready to jump back into all this? I mean, it seemed to me like you'd actually found some peace.

CASTIEL: Hey, you once told me that you don't choose what you do. It chooses you.

DEAN: Huh?

Dear is still his role model, and more now that he's a human.... But the flirtation starts with a suggestive movement coming from Castiel. He had lived a couple of flirty situations with Dean in episode 9x06, even if he's kind of innocent, he is not that innocent when is about seduction, as I said so many times, he knows about seduction, and maybe he could notice some of these in Dean when he came alone to see him in the Gas n sip. And then in the car. So he knows... Now there's not boundaries between them. They're both humans... So... A little of alcohol and he went for it...

Look at Castiel's eyes and head movement, he also caressed his bottle gently, with a seductive gaze, he know perfectly what he is doing.

SAM: All right, well, then, in that case, we have to figure out, uh, who are we up against, what do they want, and how do we stop them.

CASTIEL: Well, Bartholomew wants to reverse Metatron's spell. Presumably to – to retake Heaven once his following is large enough. (...)

Wow... Here. Castiel had lived the fact that Dean had been jealous about Nora, so, why not try jealousy again? Yeah, let's mention this reaper... So Dean picked up that ball quickly.

The reaper you banged well that was kind of hard, and not with a buddy face of approval there... He looks mad, and jealous. Yeah, the reaper you banged, is like a jilted Lover recriminating a betrayal to his lover.

And Cas responds... Yeah, and you stabbed.

And his face is like YEAH, YOU WAS JEALOUS.

We all know Dean killed her because he killed Cas. But the tone of the conversation takes another context because their faces. Is like they're playing there to change the cause of April's death. You stabbed her because I had sex with her and you was jealous of her.

Tasting very dangerous waters... Dean redirect the chat to how hot she was.

Dean is the one who replaces the gay tension, to the straight safe place. And Castiel follows him. Because he is not unaware of this. He knows exactly what Dean is trying to do. And when Castiel does that, Dean comes back again to openly flirt with him.

That's a very suggestive gaze, and line, and everything, he even smiled at him with the tongue between his teeth, looking adorable, he know he looks adorable doing that, and I'm pretty sure he uses to seduce. Even the touch in the shoulder, everything here is pure flirtation my friends... And Sam was there... Pure thrid wheel soul looking at them in awe, how they're doing that at sunlight.

Then he will try to be a good brother, and leave them alone, but my sweet Cas didn't pick up that intention... And he will offer himself to go for more beers.

SAM (smiling at the exchange)

All right. I'm gonna get us another round.

CASTIEL: Nah. I'll get it.

CASTIEL hops off his bar stool, then returns.

Mm. (swigging the last of his old beer, and setting the bottle on the table.)

You know, I've never done this before.

And that line again, he is too cute. But what Cas, you had never flirted so openly with Dean? 🤣🤣🤣

Cas' prayer

But not everything was fun, because we had right there our official cockblocker, Gadriel.

So, is goodbye again.

Castiel is by himself and he decided to give a try to the pray.

If you recall in episode 9x03 Castiel went to a Church and he found a woman that talked about what faith meant to humans. Well he tries to use some of that, trying to contact other angels to get some info about the case.

That scene of Castiel praying in different postures was delightful. Trying to use what he learned, being human again. He even asked to himself if he's doing it properly.

When he was captured by Malaqui, he uses his strategy again. Malaqui names him like THE GREAT CASTIEL, and he is indeed. His innate soldier flaws again, and he was able to steal grace and scape from their captures. Not just that, but he killed all the angels in that place.

Why he decided to take Theo's grace and came back to the game like an angel? Because he heard Ezequiel was dead. And again Sam and Dean were in danger. And he felt he wasn't useful in his shape as a human. He thought maybe Dean was trying to protect him because he thought he wasn't useful like that. So he wanted to be useful.

I did what I had to

I will talk about this quote in another volume because it repeats all over season 9, and twice in this episode, first Theo and then Castiel.

But, let's come back to the fact that Castiel took a stolen grace (in one of the most sexy scenes I ever saw... Well... Is Misha, he makes everything hot) because he wanted to save Sam and Dean, to be useful to the battle. And he felt he would be more useful as an angel.

So, he called Dean by the phone (pointing Cas knows Dean's number) and we had this sad conversation...

CASTIEL (on the phone) Dean, I don't have a lot of time, so listen. The leader of the opposition is an angel named Malachi.

DEAN: How do you know that?

The concern is all over Dean's voice, he needs to know because he knows this case was very dangerous for Castiel, and he feels guilty for leaving him alone. Even if he knows Cas is strong, his protective nature can't handle the fact he failed to his friend in protecting him.

CASTIEL: He had me. I, uh, I was tortured. But I got away.

DEAN: How?

CASTIEL: I... I did what I had to. I became what they've become. A barbarian.

Here is the quote, is the mission, for the mission, he became a barbarian.

DEAN: What are you – Cas, where are you?

Dean is sensing Castiel is making bad decisions again, he thinks because he wants to help angels, but the truly reason why is HIM AND SAM.

CASTIEL: It's better I stay away. They're gonna want me even more now. But I'm gonna be all right. I... I got my Grace back. Well, not mine per se, but it'll do.

This is it. Cas is an angel again. Dean and Cas know they're in war, but... They had began something... Now the boundaries between them are here again... So is kind of frustrating...

Castiel smiles... The mojo is so Dean, to describe his grace. Yes is sad because they will be separated by that difference, but is necessary...

When Cas says I'm an angel, Dean asks immediately : And you are okay with that?

Because, what would be nice for Cas being a human? He suffered a lot, he doesn't even had a place, or his own bed. Why on Earth Dean was thinking Cas was feeling great as a human? He is not talking about those things, at all, he knows Cas was not having a great life, or great human experience. Then why Dean is asking this? Because of them. Him and Cas. It was obvious they were free, to do, say or even flirt with each other, and that felt good. The easy going, because they were both humans, not boundaries between them. Because both of them knew this. Even with that cockblocker and being apart, maybe Dean was thinking it wouldn't be for ever and eventually, Cas will be living in the bunker with them and maybe... Just maybe... They could be finally together.

So... Because they felt that thing between them, so real now that Cas was a human, so reachable... Why now to choose to be an angel again? Right. War. Mission. That's the way Cas thinks. Goodbye opportunity...

Then, Dean was about to say something... Something we will never know, because Castiel cut him off, I know this is frustrating, but the way Dean says CAS, it could be something coming from his frustrated and concerned heart.

And Cas ... He needed to be useful for Dean. For his mission.

To Conclude:

Castiel and Dean kept flirting. Cas being a human, without boundaries, knowing Dean had flirted with him in episode 9x03, decides to do the same, Dean doesn't stays back, and flirted with him too in front of Sam.

Castiel decided to get back to the game as an angel when he hears Dean and Sam were in danger. He also felt he wasn't useful for Dean, because he rejected him twice, so maybe for this war, he needed to come back powerful like an angel.

I hope you like this meta, I'll see you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons @helevetica @isthisdestiel @dizzypinwheel @jawnlockwinchester

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from season 9, here are the links...

Vol. XL; Vol. XLI, Vol. XLII

Buenos Aires December 23rd 2019 9:32 PM