#I don't want it to seem like I actually have beef just wanted to put that perspective in place lol

[rosencrantzsguildenstern]

that poll post i made is getting so many notes holy shit. i like how unlike the spice tolerance poll i made a while back i'm actually seeing change and turnover (like james was winning for a while but now it's elizabeth)

[musical-chick-13]

Once again catching up on Todd videos, got the biggest scare of my life when I genuinely thought he was going to put the Ken song on his 2023 best list.

[eyivibyemi]

✧ I won’t really write descriptions for these, but see original post tags for explanation/commentary on the song snippet ✧

[soundbulb]

I feel like drake just keeps trying to do his nonchalant laughing it off hyperonline schtick that worked with meek mill (the only beef he ever won) and he doesn't realize he'd actually have to switch it up. I don't think his strategy or persona are why he beat meek mill, I think he beat meek mill because it's meek mill. did you win or did he lose, you know. kendrick got famous off what I would call a very magnetic and ghoulish intensity. like he's always taken on very heavy material and he specifically doesn't want to cover up the amount of intensity and effort and emotion on display. so that's what he's doing here, he's like "I'm the biggest hater" and "I think he should die" and shit he is ❌NOT❌ trying to look unbothered. so drake is still trying to, but he doesn't know how to balance the heaviness of the shit he's slinging with an actual funny affect. like "tryna strike a chord and it's probably a minoooooooor" and "WHAT IS IT? THE BRAIDS" is just objectively funny as hell. calling someone a pedophile on a dj mustard beat is funny. going to the restaurant kendrick name dropped when he was mocking your fake accent is....almost there, I feel like that's what I mean, it's the wrong type of funny. crushing the gkmc WOULD be funny if you were playing up the same level hater shit as kendrick. nonchalant people don't do that as a move though, it's just not working.

I feel like this is generally what people don't like about drake; resentful but dispassionate; sensitive but too insecure and stunted to put that into something, so he just cowers behind an unconvincing performance of what he thinks is a Real Cool Guy. and what he finds cool is widely read as corny and loserly, but that's it's own thing I guess. I get the impression everything gets to him but instead of doing boogie man shit he's trying to be the coolest senior at his highschool about it. and the hyperonline thing worked with meek mill because back then it was niche. like being able to play two different audiences -- hip hop hubs + the hip hop pages -- would've been seen as clever. but now everyones so sick of the internet and it's way more alluring to have some old fashioned celebrity, like kendrick is completely inaccessible which goes way further now than knowing memes. being online as an artist has become synonymous with mediocrity. unrelated but this is the main thing holding doja cat back, people think it's her personality but it's really that she's rapping about twitter. but no one cares about that -- the thing is I hear his diss tracks, and I've heard every kendrick album minus the last like hundreds of times, so I'm always thinking.....there is actually stuff you could go at. kendrick's complexes are not invisible you know, maybe find a ghostwriter who's heard his music. but drake just keeps projecting instead, he's never actually touching down on kendrick's deal. "gotta b sharp d major" WHAT are you talking about? there's no way all you know about him is that he's short and a hotep. meanwhile if you so much as look at a picture of drake you know his entire deal it's eeking out of him so strong. he emanates a very I-remember-every-sideways-thing-said-to-me-in-seventh-grade energy, he's got that I-need-to-relive-my-prom-night-until-it's-perfect patina. I don't know, it just seems like he's trying to do something that worked* one time ten years ago

*did it? who tf likes meek mill

[leviscolwill]

— dad!trent headcanons !

req: dad!trent headcannons PLEASEE. i am on my knees, begging 🙇‍♀️

trent is giving boy dad in the best way possible

it's like having a mini trent around the house

imagine having two sassy boys around tho

he is stressed.

like actually stressed, you had hundreds of talks about your son and his education but he's dead scared of messing something up

like he would overthink and put his diaper the wrong way or sum

so he'd go to his brother for advice

plus, going on vacation with his brothers and his niece so they all grow up very close (crying at the idea of this tbh)

now... since he basically never uses instagram

i don't even know if he would make a proper pregnancy or baby announcement tbh

he'd just drop the baby announcement out of nowhere full peeta style

orrrr, he would do THE thing

aka putting the ball under his jersey when he scores (pls tell me you know what i mean)

and when your son is born you bet he's celebrating with his initial (like he did for his niece 🥹)

now... why do i feel like he's the type to talk to kids like they're full grown adults 💀

like he'd talk about his day and how training went even though the boy can't understand yet

also yk how trippier's son wanted psg to win that ucl game against newcastle and walked out with mbappe ?

trent would genuinely not take that

there is no way on earth HIS son is gonna support another club than liverpool tbh

he would physically condition him to support them

making him watch the corner taken quickly moment on repeat

he wouldn't actually do that but... close

as soon as your son learns how to walk you bet he has a football in his feet

not in a project mbappe kinda way but he wants to bond with his son over something he loves yk

you know that video of gavi playing with little kids ? yeah same

he doesn't care if your son is nine, he's playing like it's a ucl final

tbh he seems like the kind of dad to have beef with kids if they mess with your son

fully side eyeing them in front of his school and cussing them out at home

you would absolutely NOT let him close to your son's wardrobe

no way on earth he's passing the bad fashion taste genes down to your son

i don't rlly know how to end this but honestly i think after being a stressed dad, he just learns how to vibe with his son and want to make him the happiest ever

and he would go to every length to make his family happy

[writingoddess1125]

Found Treasure

1000 Follower Special!

Saw I reached 1000 Followers and 5000 Likes! So a nice fluffy Buggy Twins fic!!

Buggy × Reader +TwinsDeeBee

Support me on Ko-Fi

"Bugs I don't know about this-" You say with a frown as you stare at the man before you, finishing his makeup in the mirror and Grinning widely.

"Well they said they wanted to join me on collecting some treasure and besides next week we are starting that little vacation. Might as well get some more cash before we go" He said dismissively. You frowned at hearing this and raised a brow-

"Besides its probably the safest place, it's literally just where I stash my extra treasure! Who would be there"

You couldn't argue his logic technically- making a fake treasure pick up for the boys who had been begging to do 'pirate stuff' with their father. This seemed fairly safe and with the boys Devil fruit abilties they could protect themselves.

"I guess- but I don't want them in real danger Sweetheart"

"They will be fine, I swear" He said as he turned to finally face you, smiling brightly in his signature look. He leaned in like he was going to kiss you but you held a hand up- Both of you still in this weird relationship if you two were actually dating or not. Which made things awkward at times- Like this.

Both of you sort of froze as tension filled the air- unsure of what to say or do at this point. Thankfully the noise of your guys sons came crashing in- both boys having insisted in doing face paint like their father and doing it themselves.

"Mom! Dad! Look!!" Bee cheered loudly as both boys stood before you. The makeup on their face was- Something. Bee had clearly tried to do something like a clown makeup a sloppy layer of white layered on his face with blue on his cheeks like blush and red on his lips in a crooked smile. Dee had declined the white layer of paint and put blue on his lips in a smile and red on his cheeks.

Buggy smiled as he stared down at his boys, smiling with pride- Despite the sloppy makeup he felt a sense of pride.

"Look at you two!" He said cheerfully as he fixed hats over their heads to cover their hair- smiling brightly at this as the boys looked up at him and smiled brightly.

Ge felt a odd peg in his chest at seeing them like this, like his chest got warm and fuzzy. Buggy gave a slight body shiver to get out of it and turned to head upstairs, shaken by that warm feeling.

"We will be back later (Y/N)-" Buggy said a bit shortly to you before dismissing himself. He knew the boys were following him as he headed to the Main Deck. Once there he saw the crew was on high alert and Cabaji rushed to him.

"Sir! Strawhat pirates are ahead of us! Just around the bend" Cabaji said as he passed the telescope to him, Buggy looking through quickly as he saw in the distance the Strawhats in that hellish ship he was trapped in sailing not far from his destination.

"Captian?" Cabaji asked again, Buggy glancing down at his boys who were excitedly waiting for him.

"Let them pass- I'm not wasting my time on small fry pirates" He said nonchalantly- choosing to not let his time with his sons be disturbed by those damn Strawhats.

"We dock at Coal Island" Buggy said quickly and turned away to go to his boys, missing the deep frown from Cabaji.

Once on the island Buggy walked them through things to do- Telling them to stay close to him as he walked him to the safe spot to dig up the extra treasure.

"Now boys, this should be quick and then we head back understand? I did see a ship passing and we need to-" He stopped as he heard silence and turned to see the boys gone. In less then 30 God damn seconds they were gone!?

"Boys?.. Boys!?" Buggy yelled out in confusion as he saw that his spawns were missing from his sides.

He ran around the island wildly, his stress spiking as he tried to find his children. Panic rushing through his system as he darted around wildly on the island searching for his kids. Even getting into some beef with a large bird- hearing chattering behind a large Boulder he froze, recognizing the tone of those little voices as his kids.

Blades out he jumped around the corner and damn near felt himself have a brain aneurysm at what he saw- lowering his blades he stared.

Buggy felt an acute pain in his temple as he watched his boys talk to the Strawhat pirate crew and being the social butterflies they were in making new friends.

"That's so cool! You're stretchy!?" Bee said excitedly as Luffy laughed and let the child pull on his arm to show his elasticity- Usopp spinning some stupid story to the overly energetic child.

Dee was looking up at Nami and Zoro in awe, shyly asking both of them questions. Nami about the weird tattoo on her arm, Zoro about the swords. Nami gushing at the adorable boy and ended up picking him up and holding him in a hug as he asked them questions. Sanji even gifting the two some cookies he had in a bag with a kind smile.

"For the love of- Boys come here now! Don't make friends with the enemy!" Buggy yelled and marched over red faced to take his boys from the Strawhat pirates.

The crew immediately getting defensive over seeing him and wanting to take these wondering children in bad face paint.

"Binky?-" Luffy said with a sense of indifference. Zoro's hand coming to his blade calmly, even Nami holding Bee closer like she was going to protect the little tyrant.

"It's Buggy Damn It!-" He yelled still marching forward.

"But Dad!-" Both boys started, Making the whole crew freeze and Buggy wanting to sob in defeat.

"Dad?!-" the whole crew parroting as the discovery was made. Buggy groaned at this as he rubbed his temple trying to figure out if a very late late abortion was an option.

"Yes these are my kids... Danny and Benny- Boys these are the bastard Strawhat pirates that seem to exist to be a thorn in my ass-" He deadpanned before taking Dee from Nami with a glare and set him down calmly next to him. Bee looking up at the irritated Buggy with a confused look.

"Wait, Someone actually let you ejaculate I to them?" Zoro questioned calmly as he gestured to the two kids with bad face paint on them.

"Dad what does ejaculate mean?" Dee asked, which earned a snort from Sanji. Buggy glared at them all and sighed.

"Ask your mother later and Yes- I do have a social life" He deadpanned at Zoro for the sly insult to his abilties to have a sex life.

An awkward silence followed at this, Buggy gesturing for his kids to get behind him which they did- Still munching away on the cookies Sanji had gifted them.

"Listen I'm in no mood to fight- While I'd love a chance to beat you strawhat-"

"We wouldn't fight you infront of your children" Luffy said calmly as he gestured to the boys, Grinning proudly. Zoro nodded at this. "Nor are we going to say anything about them either"

The clown blinked in surprise at this feeling a bit confused over this. They had a chance to get the upper hand on him, Hell even an emotional weakness of learning of his kids. Yet they were just letting him go? And his kids without wishing to say anything.

Buggy felt conflicted... normally he would have used the fact that the Strawhats were distracted to attack them and get the upper hand but... he couldnt... he couldn't just let his kids be used as bait or have them in that type of danger... while he had always appreciated being raised on Roger's ship and the experience it had given him but- He couldn't never put his kids in that same envirment, he loved them too much...

He nodded at the crew for this, not having words for his gratitude nor wishing to vocalize it. Guiding the kids away he felt his mind racing at this point, walking them back to were his treasure was buried and the three of them retrieved his hidden loot. Letting the boys chatter and do as they pleased before heading back to the ship- Still mentally out of it from these feelings he was having.

"Hey Dad?" Bee's voice snapped him from his thoughts, looking at his son holding his hand and the other holding the small bag of treasure since he wanted to carry something.

"Hm?" The clown hummed in question. Bee smiled proudly at Buggy as he squeezed his hand.

"I love you Dad!" Buggy felt a ping yo his chest like Bee had just shot warmth through him, feeling the squeeze on his other hand and looking to Dee who also smiled.

"I love you Dad" Dee said too, smiling brightly up at him and squeezing his gloved hand too.

Buggy felt hot tears well in his eyes, looking at both twins and using his Chop Chop abilities scooped them both in his arms with care.

"Love you guys too peanuts" He said with a smile as he walked them back to the ship. Ignoring the stares of his crew as he boarded his ship holding his boys with pride.

Walking down to his Cabin were he knew you were he kicked open the door with his foot and looked at you. Who was seated there surprised by his rather blunt arrival into the room. "Buggy?-"

"I'm in love with you, I-I don't know what that means emotionally but I'm fairly sure I love you and the boys more then I knew possible" Buggy blurted out, you'd never seen this side of him before. He almost looked afraid at this point like you were holding the one thing that could kill him, which in some way you were... his heart.

"I-I well.. We can always start back up Bugs if you want... and it's natural to love your children" You say shyly, Watching him set the boys down and walk to you. Pulling you up to your feet and kissing you, you felt every drop of emotion from his hungry lips as he devoured you heart and soul. Blushing cherry red you couldn't help but kiss him back, holding him close as you two shared in the passionate kiss.

Pulling away for air Biggy grinned at you, his eyes sparkling as he looked on you in awe.

"I love you" Hear him whisper, When you tried to reply you heard Cabaji call out for Buggy for assistance.

"You should um...take care of that" You say softly.

He smiled brightly as he gently released you. Calling back out to Cabaji as he reached over to remove the boys hats and ruffle their hair before heading out.

You stood there blushing as Buggy left, a wide smile on his lips as he headed upstairs to assist with his crew. You giggle as you turn to look at your boys, wiping some of the red from your lips

"Hey Mom?" Bee started, looking up at you like tye adorable God damn bean he was.

"Yes my heart?"

"What does ejaculate mean?" Dee asked, staring up at you in question. You froze in your spot- hearing the fast footsteps from Buggy as he rushed to the Main Deck clearly wishing to escape you.

"BUGGY!!!"

[weirdmarioenemies]

SURPRISE! Did you think the day would come when we would cover Love Live on this blog? I didn't!

Yohane the Parhelion: Blaze in the Deepblue is the Metroidvania-style game based on the fantasy spin-off of Love Live Sunshine, but you probably don't care about that! Statistically speaking, our target audience is Bogleech readers who are deeply revolted by anime girls!

So why bring up? Why bring it up? The answer is 🐠 FUNNY FISH! It's Funny Fish Friday!

Since this game is set in an underwater temple, the enemies this game are all based on sea creatures, and that's cool! Again, statistically speaking, you probably think sea creatures are cool. I really liked seeing the variety of enemies when playing through this game, so I thought it'd be fun if I could share them with an audience of people who otherwise wouldn't care! None of the enemies really have names, as far as I'm aware of. But I'll do my Rubesty...?

Our first guy we encounter in the game is the sort of guy who emerges from the ground like the Zombies from Castlevania, and wow! A good first impression I think. It is sort of a squid mantle, if the mantle was also a cloak for a spooky sort of wizard! The way it doesn't really have a 'face' in the hood and the eye is below really makes it seem like a weird mimic creature. Cool!

They also get a tough lategame variant which looks like a mix between a flapjack and a vampire squid. You don't often see flapjacks be designed as scary!

---

Next is Barnacles! A whole clump of them, like a cake. They shoot Energy Balls at you. Is this what Barnacles can do if they combine their powers...? The top actually opens up, and it looks a lot like a sea urchin's mouth! So maybe it is some sort of naked urchin creature covered in barnacles? Game Theory!

There are also barnacles with Ice Powers. Like real life!

---

Let's give it up for Garden Eel!!!!

What a fine Garden Eel it is! Complete with the sort of grumpy face, and with the addition of two little arms that make it look like it's praying or maybe a bit shy. But it is mean! It also spits energy balls at you, then hides in the hole so you can't hit it. How very sneaky!

SO sneaky, in fact, that these eels have mastered the art of ninjutsu! The ninja eel shows up for a split second in one single room, before smoke bombing away. You'd have to use a time freeze power to get him, but I never got around to doing that. I don't have any beef with a ninja eel! I respect him and his training!

Did someone say CTENOPHORE? I hope you did, or my hearing has really gotten worse. This thing is a grade A ctenophore, only with a ring of Scary Teeth! A little scary to think of a ctenophore who could Bite you, but nonetheless this deserves a :ctenopog:!

---

Let's not forget Fish Vortex! Fish Vortex was the first guy to make me go 'wow, this game's enemies really are awesome!' So of course I had to put him at the top of the post! He is my selling point! I am selling all these enemies to you. For 4.99 a pop!

Anyway. This design is just so funny and cool at the same time. A swirling school of fish that leads into an endless dark abyss, and in the middle, a big eyeball. Also covered in fish. It shoots fish at you! Yay!

There is also a pink variant - it shoots fish that give you the Solitude status effect, which basically just makes Yohane too depressed to summon her friends. Meaning? They are Depression Fish! Maybe she just becomes so jealous of the unity and teamwork of these sardines. She's me like just for real! ^_^

---

isopot :)

---

This slug is an umbrella. That is ridiculous! Ridiculously EPIC! It does the opposite of shield you from rain, which is create rain, that kills you. But I would still want one as an umbrella.

---

When I first saw this thing, I thought it was some strange round Echimoderm I had never heard of. But upon further inspection (I actually asked Mod Chikako shh), it is obviously like a Brittle Star, with each arm folded round to form a wheel! How creative and fun! It even has a bunch of eyes like a starfish!

---

Last but not least- sushi! There are sushi guys and they are cute. They don't really do much and are typically found in their own rooms, so I'm not sure what the point of them is. But finding a funny walking sushi should be a reward in of itself, I guess! Look at their funny rice feet! Or the one with the roe eyes!

I happened to use fire magic on one of them and this happened. Oopsies...

Now I am sure you are saying, thank you for showing me all these funny enemies. But are there any cool bosses? Of course there are, me! What's a Metroidvania without cool bosses? So I shall show you my favorites without delay!

First is this freak (affectionate)! It is a sort of amalgamation of lots of different animals and I think it just looks plain cool! Two squid mantles combined into one, a bit of a sea angel shape, bug legs and of course a great big eyeball!

If it is not freaky enough for you, let it be known that the bug legs turn into big green skeleton hands, and it also keeps getting pinker, and it grows new eyes and then extra horns grow out of those eyes. If THAT is not freaky enough for you then I am sorry but I cannot do anything about that.

---

Now, how about a sampling of this Freaken Thang? It honestly doesn't seem that sea-creature themed, but it uses seashells so I guess it counts!

What is really neat is that this boss has two different forms, upside down and rightside up! When it is upside down it looks a bit like a Magolor type creature. And of course, I really like the flame thing in the middle as well, that really feels like a Kirby enemy or something! Like a wisp made of plasma!

---

Fans of Anomalocaris won't be disappointed by this one! It's a big Anomalocaris tank and boy is it cool! There's something for everyone here, whether you're an Anomalocaris purist or you've always wanted to see it turn into a sort of futuristic beast with a screen mouth that shoots lasers! It really is the future, zura...

---

After covering all these wacky creatures, I'm going to have to end it off with the final boss! What could the big bad, the ultimate boss of all these sea monsters even be, I wonder? Well, it's...

...a coelecanth. Just a big coelacanth! It is big and blue! And really, does it need to be anything else? It is such an honor to make the biggest ultimate boss a coelacanth. It is even pretty cute!! Think he's smiling! 😊

Uh oh! Is it still cute? I guess so. My first thought seeing this was of course the world-renowned tongue eating isopod, so I really hope it was an intentional reference! It probably just wants to shake hands. Still, a pretty simplistic design for our final boss, right?

Buu buu! Its true form actually looks like this! Actually, it's kind of doing too much. Like let's tone it down a little?

So!! We beat the mega ultra coelacanth, and now we can find out what his motivation is! And it is... that he is the memories of the people of the past or something. And they all didn't want to be forgotten, so they turned into fish monsters! But we forgive them!

It doesn't really matter. All the girlies gather around and sing him a song. Look how happy he is! I forgot I was talking about a Love Live game until now, actually. All's well that ends well, the end, et cetera! Hit it, Yohane! [imagine this is like the end of a kids movie where all the Love Live girls are having a dance party and there is a shot of the big coelacanth in jail and he's tapping his mouth fingers along to the beat]

[carrotkicks]

alternative chuuya ship propaganda under the cut

TsujiChuu -> they had exactly TWO (2) encounters but in those 10~ minutes Tsujimura has immediately waxed poetic about how chuuya is a unique and intriguing man (as most special division agents do), and went out of her way to know more about him. and Chuuya immediately empathized her personal struggles with her ability, and gave her advice on how to both control it and accept it as part of her instead of something that was placed in her**. (hmmm stormbringer chuuya and gaiden tsujimura parallels. there's a reason they met.) Anyways Tsujimura is super high-strung and chuuya (when he's not purposely being riled up) is actually really laid back so they'd mesh well personality wise. And they could have an fbi x criminal secret romance thing happening.

ChuuRan -> they definitely fucked in the book. Lol. Also it's a match up that is spiritually similar to skk but 20x funnier because they have zero history and and wayyy more petty beef. in a more serious note, Chuuya probably does have some respect for Ranpo ---not respect for his intellect. I don't think chuuya would be impressed by anyone acting like a cocky genius, he was partnered with dazai after all-- recognizing him as the agency's "lynchpin" and all that. On Ranpo's side, i think he respects chuuya as a Threat, so that side adventure in the Poe's book was probably both to keep him away from the Cannibalism war thing and also gain an ~ally~ of sorts. IDK I JUST WANNA KNOW WHAT HAPPENED IN THE BOOK BRO

TaintedLemons -> Chaos and property destruction boyfriends ftw! They're canonically drinking buddies too! Chuuya is a messy lightweight, so what if when Hirotsu is unavailable, it's Kajii who helps him back home or let's him crash at his place 🥺? Kajii actually seems to be pretty high ranking, what with him just casually chatting up Kouyou and Mori trusting him with undercover missions. Kajii should be promoted, we have 2 exec seats after all. Kajii's silly eccentric personality and their friendship helps Chuuya put a positive connotation to mad scientists. Also they're literally always near each other in the group shots and official art, it's literally canon.

ChuuAku -> another one that isn't too rare but seriously underrated. Chuuya is that super supportive borderline embarassing boyfriend that takes 5 minutes each day to divulge words of affirmation, and he'd make dinner and use the cheesy pet names, the kinda stuff that makes Akutagawa want to explode/shrivel up and die. See as soon as Akutagawa is involved i think Chuuya should be flattened to the cookie cutter token love interest. He'd murder daz for a birthday gift. He's be Akutagawa's personal cheerleader and nothing more. This is also basically a canon ship btw..

[astermath]

nemesis; part two.

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: with carmen reworking the restaurant, you’d think his mind would be far too occupied to even think about anything else. yet he can’t shake the guilt from what he’d put you through a month prior. after some talks in therapy, he decides to take a leap of faith and see if he can talk it out with you. he not only wants to convince you that he can be better, but he's got an offer for you too. one you truly can't refuse.

♡ landing page ♡

word count: 4.9K

tags: carmen being unsure about his feelings but trying to be better episode 3265742, letting reader in a little more, APOLOGIES!!!, cursing ig, carm goes to therapy yippee, syd being the absolute realest, regular font below!

notes: sorry this took literally forever omg, I lost my carmen muse for a bit but we are SO back baby. I missed him so much and so sorry if some things don't follow the canon completely (I've been watching season 2 on and off bc I've been so busy lol BUT my fics never follow the canon completely anyways),, hope u guys enjoy and let me know if you'd like a part three ;))

lmk if you'd like to be added to the tag list for further carmen berzatto related content! comments and reblogs are highly appreciated!

Carmen’s life hadn’t known a moment of mental rest in ages. If you asked him when he last sat down with his thoughts or acknowledged his mental anguish, he probably would have said he couldn’t remember the last time. If ever.

With plans to completely revamp The Beef and everything that came with it, now his feelings should be the last thing on his mind. Renovation plans, unforeseen costs and a completely new menu, sure, he could worry his ass off about those, but feelings? Absolutely not. Good thing he was usually so good at suppressing those anyways.

So why was it that he couldn’t shake the thought of what he did to you?

Why, every time he had a moment to himself, would he be overtaken by this intense feeling of guilt? He didn’t even have to be alone, just a second of quiet and the image of you crying in distress would intrude on his thoughts.

It was getting to a point where he’d told his sister, Natalie, about it. Well, not all of it, he wasn’t even sure if he knew all of it. Just that he knows he hurt you, and that coming to terms with what he projected onto you might be a good first step in understanding himself better.

Or maybe it was something more along the lines of “I gotta talk my shit to some people”. Probably that.

To his surprise, it was actually helping. Besides the group therapy sessions where he’d talk about Mikey, the business and his future, he was talking to other people in his life too. Even told Sydney about you, kind of on accident. The words just seemed to… Flow out. It was probably the exhaustion doing its thing.

“I guess I just felt like,” he kept his eyes on the floor he was sweeping, “she was doing it all to fuck with me. I don’t even know where I got the sick idea that she had some obsession over me, but it— it drove me at the same time. It’s like her being on my heels at every aspect of culinary school just made me want to try even harder.”

“Maybe you painted her in that light because you knew it was a good way to keep pushing yourself.” Sydney spoke almost absentmindedly, sweeping the other side of the room. She listened to everything he said in the meantime, and though what he was telling her was a bit worrying, she was glad they got to have talks like this. Carmen often doesn’t like to bring up his past like that.

“Huh,” he paused sweeping for a moment, “yeah… yeah, maybe. Or maybe it was something else.”

Sydney wasn’t even sure he knew what he was referring to. It sounded like something entirely different, like a crush, but what kind of person treats their crushes like that?

Probably an overworked, pressured, overachieving culinary student with a dangerous need for validation. But she wasn’t about to tell him that.

“So yeah, I visited her restaurant, and… It just felt the exact same as back in New York, you know? Like she was rubbing it in my face again, and— and I know that sounds insane, or conceited, but I just can’t let it go. It’s like the thought of her is stuck to my brain like a stubborn piece of gum.” He wanted to smack himself for that stupid analogy, but what was said was said.

“So how’d you handle it?” Sydney’s head perked up, some of her braids now draping over her shoulders.

“Handle what?” Carmen became more and more uneasy the more he talked about you. Like his chest was tight, it was uncomfortable, but not in the way he was when the health inspection came by, it was different. Weirder. Unfamiliar. He didn’t like it, because he didn’t understand it.

“The talk with her.” She emptied the last bit of dust into the trash bag.

“Oh,” his mind took him back to the parking lot a month ago. The way he could almost taste the tears of your skin from how close he stood, he could hear the shakiness of your breath and the profound desperation in your voice when you apologized to him, when you really had no reason to.

If it was still so clear in his mind, then what must it be like for you?

“Carmen?” Sydney snapped him out of his oncoming train of thought.

“Yeah? Sorry, I— Uh, I don’t know it was…” He runs a hand through his hair, suddenly finding it in his best interest to look anywhere else but her face. “Bad. It was— It was bad.” He looks a bit shameful when he meets her eyes. “I fucked up. I like, went all New York boss on her. And then I just… Left.”

His colleague just stares at him for a moment. She knew what he was like when he snapped like that, but that was with his staff, people he liked. So how badly did he snap on you, a person he’d been resenting for years?

“I’m gonna go take out this trash, and uh… Head home.” She lifts the grey plastic bag she was holding. “But uh, Carm?”

“Yeah?”

“You got issues, man.” She has a bit of an awkward smile on her face, but he knows she means it. He knows she’s right. She usually is.

He nods, silently, letting her words sink in. He did have issues, everyone knew that, but most people didn’t just say it. That’s why he liked Sydney, she was so real, so honest. She was so good for the business, for the kitchen. And maybe her saying that to him was all part of grounding him in the reality of it all. Of his issues, just that they existed.

“Heard.” he says. His voice comes out raspier than he expected, like he’s struggling to say it.

“Goodnight, chef.”

“Night.”

He’d thought about what Sydney said the entire night. He does have issues, he knows that, he’s just mad at himself for letting everything get this far before seeking help. It scares him. Because it reminds him too much of Mikey. Or what he heard about him when things got bad.

He doesn’t want to make the same mistakes his brother did. Lock people out of his life just because it seems easier, because it’s better to minimize the damage than to figure out why you’re doing damage at all. And yes it’s uncomfortable, yes it’s scary, terrifying even. But he keeps being reminded of how it must feel for you.

It’s something he’d never considered before. He always thought he had you all figured out, all fake smiles and backhanded compliments to distract him. It never occurred to him to just… Ask. It was always just easier to assume. It fit his view of you and it kept him going, even if it was at the expense of ever getting to know you at all.

He’s hoping he can change that with a few text messages and a long, probably uncomfortable, talk over coffee. Just hoping, trying, that’s really all he can do. He’s well aware of how bad he is at communicating, but he has to give it a shot. For you, at least.

He stares at his phone screen for far longer than is necessary, continuously rereading the messages he’d typed. His eyes keep flicking to your contact, making sure he sent it to the right person. The only thing you two had texted about before was a time and place for him to try your new restaurant. His heart aches at the exclamation points and emojis you’d sent; you were so excited, and he drove all that excitement straight into the ground.

He closes his eyes and shuts off the phone. His chest hurts, like he’s been holding his breath the entire time. Maybe he has. You could have that effect on him, making it harder to breathe. He always wondered why he had such nervous reactions around you specifically. He always figured it had to do with your one sided rivalry, but it feels… Different. More complex.

Your eyes are finally peeled off your computer screen when numerous phone notifications alarm you. Truth be told, you’ve been trying your best to keep yourself occupied as much as possible. That usually helps when you get waves of emotions like this, keeping busy, distracting your mind from overthinking.

Ever since your last encounter with Carmen, you’ve been so on edge. Always trying to do something, anything, so you wouldn’t have to think about what happened, why he acted like that to you. Because you know if you did, you’d just start blaming yourself again, and you’d be back to square one.

Your eyebrows raise at the name of the contact. You were sure he’d blocked you, or at least deleted your number after last time. He was avoidant like that, and frankly, you weren’t sure if you wanted him to talk to you again after that anyways. Maybe it was just to drive the point home, make you feel even more worthless.

Still, you were curious. Even if it was just to cuss you out even more, at least you knew what to expect, right?

[carmen]: hey, I really want to talk to you about what happened last time.

[carmen]: well

[carmen]: I want to apologise

[carmen]: but I can’t do that like this

[carmen]: I’d much rather do it in person

[carmen]: if you’d let me

[carmen]: meet me at odette’s tomorrow around 10? coffee’s on me, I just want to talk

[carmen]: please

The last message was sent minutes later than the rest, while you were reading them. He was desperate for an answer, and though you wanted to hear him out, to talk to him, something in you felt off about the whole thing. Like he was just doing this to clear off his own guilt, only to then ditch you just like he ditched you after culinary school. Because you’re rivals, apparently. That’s what you do.

But then there’s something else in you too. The part that’s still nostalgic about New York with him. About the glances back and forth when you were timed on preparing certain things, about the way he’d stare at you when you got feedback, the ignorant bliss you lived in. When you still believed he might have liked you just a little.

That part of you takes the upper hand when you reply and take his offer. Your heart is in your throat, nerves overtaking you already and you weren’t even with him yet. He had that effect on you sometimes, making it harder to breathe.

You wondered what that meant.

Carmen sits alone at a booth, all the way at the back of the café he’d chosen. It’s rather quiet, as most Mondays are, yet at the same time, it’s so loud. Loud in the way he hears the clinking of every spoon against porcelain cups, the crinkling of a napkin and the not so subtle ticking of the clock above the entrance. 10:06. You were late.

Suddenly he's filled with more regret than he's ever felt before. He's not ready to see you again, only to be reminded of how he made you cry, and of his own tumultuous emotions and shortcomings that lead to this moment. It's surprising how fast the emotions he associates with you changed; he's not angry anymore, he's scared, guilty, nervous. He wants to see you so bad and yet he feels like you'd be better off never talking to him again.

It's too late to make a run for it when you finally walk through the door. Hair a little damp from the rain, just a bit disheveled from what he could only assume to be rushing over to the café. And that same angelic smile you offer to the barista that greets you, the same one you'd offer him every morning, whether he looked at you or not.

He had no choice but to look now.

Your smile falters into something more nervous, a little melancholic, when your eyes meet his across the café. Though you knew he was going to be there, something in you feels surprised to see him again. Maybe it’s because he isn’t yelling at you or throwing insults at your head this time. Or maybe because he’s actually looking you in the eye. Since when did he get so good at that?

You sit down across him, taking off your coat and putting your bag besides you.

“Hey.” You smile again, much more awkward this time.

“Hey.” He returns the same thin lipped smile.

It’s quiet for a few seconds. Carmen swears the whole café has gone silent in that moment, leaving the two of you to listen to the sound of your own breathing and heartrate picking up. You’re not sure where to look, not being used to being in such an intimate setting with him.

“Do you want a coffee?”

“Sorry I was late.”

You both talk over each other, and the urge to chuckle about it overtakes you. Carmen can’t help but smile as well. You seem nervous, and somehow that puts him a little more at ease. Like he’s not the only one who’s in their head about it.

“Sorry, I, uhm, yeah— I would like a coffee.” You scramble over your words. “Please.”

“Sure,” he nods, “and no worries.”

“Hm?”

“That you were late. I haven’t been here that long either.” He lied. He’d been there half an hour early, cursing himself for letting him sit along with his thoughts for that long and psyching himself out into almost leaving.

You both order and another heavy silence sits between you two. You both know why you’re there, what needs to be talked about. Yet neither of you know how to bring it up.

You’ve lived most of your lives believing this version of each other you had in your minds. Because it kept you grounded. Because it was easier. He never let you in and for the longest time, you were at peace with that. You could have a slightly distant view of who he was, your classmate, your rival. And he could do the same. Keep you out, pretend you were there to keep him on his toes, to always try to outdo him.

Those facades of each other don’t work anymore. The real world has forced you to reconcile with each other, whether you liked it or not.

Your coffee gets brought to your table, and both of you feel this urgency to say something, anything, at least.

“The pastries here are good too, if you want to get one.” He finally broke the awkward silence. He can start with talking about food, something he knows. If all else fails, resort back to that.

“I haven’t tried a pastry besides my own in a long time. Maybe I could learn a thing or two here.” You admit. He knows that feeling. He’s not nearly as adventurous with his food choices as he wants to be, but as a busy chef on the brink of a new entrepreneurship, it’s usually beef sandwiches and frozen meals.

“I think yours were better though.” He takes a sip of his coffee.

“Huh?” You look up, realizing you were avoiding eye contact by staring into your cup.

“The danish I tried at your place. It was fire.”

“Oh. Right. Thank you, we make everything from scratch.”

“I could tell.” He takes another sip. “I guess I— I kinda forgot to tell you that. In the heat of it all.” He huffs to himself. “Food was so good it made me upset.”

“Upset?” His word use frustrates you. Upset is when they forget to give you your sauce with your order. What happened back there was not upset. That was rage. Wrath. You raise an eyebrow and he realizes he said something wrong.

“Well, more than upset. Listen, I— We need to talk about what happened.” His blue eyes peer into your own. They’re almost distracting enough to avoid you noticing his fidgeting hands.

“I’m listening.” You lean back slightly in your seat. You’d played nice with Carmen all your life, given him every chance to return it. Now it was his turn to try.

"Right." Of course he has to talk. It's his fault, isn't it? He's the one who snapped-- why did he even imply you'd have to explain yourself? He runs a hand through his hair, and there he goes again, eyes darting across the café to find something to focus on as he sought out the right words. You'd almost find it endearing, how bad he is at this, if it wasn't so important to you.

"You don't do this often, do you?"

"What, like-- meeting up for coffee?"

"Talking about stuff. Your feelings and shit." You hid your slightly amused smile behind your coffee cup before taking a small sip.

"Oh. Yeah, no, I-- I don't. Not until recently." He takes a deep breath. Just like they had told him to. “I’ve been going to this therapy thing my sister recommended. S’not much, but… It’s a start. Talked about the restaurant, my brother—“

“Your brother?” Your eyebrows raise slightly.

“Yeah, my— my brother. Mikey.” He looks a bit surprised. He’s come to the shattering realization that he’s never told you anything about his personal life, ever. You don’t even know about one of the most important people in his life, his main drive. You’ve known each other for so long yet you know so little. “I never told you about him?”

“You never told me anything.” You answer curtly. “We never really… Talked, you know?”

“Yeah— yeah, you’re right. I just thought… Wow.” He smiles, more out of shock than anything. He feels so stupid. How immature is it to be feuding this much with a person who doesn’t know anything about you?

“I guess I really don’t know much about you either.” His fingers rake through his messy curls again. “Makes me feel like even more of an idiot for going off on you like that. Like I had you all figured out.”

“Yeah, that was uh... That was something." The mood shifts a little. His smile fades as soon as he sees the melancholy in your eyes return. Of course it wouldn't be that easy for you to forgive him, to feel better about all this. "You know, I never knew you thought of me like that." A small smile graces your features. Somehow it's sadder than the expression you had before.

"I mean, I knew you didn't like me. I was pretty much at peace with the fact that you were never going to like me, either. But I never thought you hated me that much." You sniffle, trying your hardest to blink away any oncoming tears. "Like your life, your entire career, would have been easier without me there at all."

His heart aches at the sight of you, all teary eyed and trying to be brave. You're much braver than him. Sadness is a much harder thing to express than anger. He's starting to figure that out more and more.

"I don't hate you." He starts. He sees the confusion contort your features, and he knows he's not making any sense. "I mean I did-- I did hate you. Or, maybe not you, just... The fucked up idea I had of you. And-- and that was on me, that was my own fault." He feels an urge to touch you; to rub your back, hold your hand, anything to comfort you. It's tearing him apart to know that he's the cause of all this.

"But why?" A single tear rolls down your cheek, leaving a wet streak on your skin in its wake. "Why did you think that about me? I-- I get that we had a little rivalry going but jesus Carmen, did you really think I spent my whole culinary school career trying to outdo you?"

"To be honest... Yeah." He feels ashamed. So ashamed. He hopes the waitress doesn't walk by and listen to any of this, see you crying, and make you feel even worse. "Cooking was always just... My thing. If I was good for anything, it would be that. So seeing you do so well at something I'd started to base my whole existence around, it made me jealous, so fucking jealous." He meets your eyes, even if it's hard. You have to know he's being sincere.

"And it's-- it's unfair, it's so unfair to you, I know, and I'm really fuckin' sorry. I'm trying to work on myself, on everything, and I hope I can prove that to you." His face has that red tint you recognize whenever he's nervous or stressed. You can tell this is taking a lot from him.

"Is that really all? You were just jealous?" Your voice is quieter, fragile almost.

"I don't know. I wanna think it's that simple but I really don't know. There's a lot I don't understand about me, or you, or us. My mind doesn't know how to react when I see you anymore I think, now that things are different." He takes a deep breath, like saying that took a physical toll on him. "You have this-- this weird effect on me, and I don't know how to cope with it. I think it was just easier to be mad at you than to be anything else."

Anger is easier to express than sadness. The easiest out of all emotions, actually. Sometimes a little too easy.

You look to the side, wiping your cheek with the back of your hand. You huff out something close to a laugh, and though he’s caught off guard by it, he doesn’t mind it. Even if you’re laughing at him, at least that means you’re not crying.

“You’ve got issues Berzatto. You know that?”

“Yeah. I’ve been told.” He smiles, and it’s heartfelt this time. Not nervous, or sad, or awkward. He’s happy to see you a little more at ease.

“It’s just really crazy to me.” You trace your finger over the edge of your coffee cup as you talk. “I spent so much time in culinary school looking up to you. And then I find out you were always just trying to keep up with me.”

Carmen’s eyebrows raise a little at your words. “Looked up to me?”

“Yeah, like… Your drive, your passion, it’s so impressive. Always looking to improve, to do better, it just— it inspired me to do better too. As cheesy as that may sound.” You smiled. “S’why I opened up in Chicago, you know.”

“Really? Huh.” He leaned back in his seat.

“Because I wanted to work with you. Or for you. Either would have been fine with me.” You sigh. “I like owning my own place, but… I don’t know, for some reason I always imagined us working together.” You smiled. “Is that stupid?”

“No,” he replied quickly, “no not at all, I— I totally get that.” He’s quiet for a few seconds, and you can practically hear the gears turning in his head when he stares at you for a moment.

“I mean you’re a remarkable chef, really, like— insanely remarkable, and, well, we’re revamping the restaurant completely right now. We need people— more people, new people, and so, I was wondering— or I’ve been thinking—“ He stops himself from losing his breath from all his rambling, before he freaks you out even more than he already has.

“I want you to come work for us at the Bear.” He puts his hands together, as if he’s about to beg. “Please.”

You can almost hear yourself blinking out of confusion. There’s suddenly no more loud silences, no, the café seems dead quiet for once. All you can do is stare at him, wait for a laugh, because clearly this was a joke right? There’s no way Carmen Berzatto, chef supreme, arch nemesis of yours, would want you anywhere near him, let alone work in his own establishment.

“I’m sorry?”

He feels stupid already. You had every reason to say no. He’d been the biggest asshole in the world to you, he’d kept his distance all his life, and now he expects you to be his employee. Or, well, colleague, more so.

“I’m uh— we’re redoing the restaurant entirely. New equipment, new staff, new everything.” He swallows; the thought of everything that needed to be done arises for a moment. “We need people that work hard, who know what they’re doing and who are passionate about it. And I barely know anyone who’s better at what you do than yourself.” He pauses, waiting for you to stop him. But you don’t.

“So I’m asking if you’d work for me. With me. It won’t be anything like old days, if anything I— I need to learn from you.” He scoffs at himself. “Could take a thing or two about how to communicate with my staff.”

You smile, and he genuinely thinks you’re about to start laughing at him. You chuckle, but it’s not mean, it’s honest. Cute.

“You know, you have great timing.” You grin.

“I do?” the smile on his face reflects the hope he feels.

“One of my chefs wants to take over the place for me. Well, has been wanting to. I haven’t had an exact reason to say yes to her yet.” You shrugged. “Guess I do now.”

“…Is that you saying yes?”

“It’s definitely not me saying no.” Your eyes meet his, and there’s something between you both that’s different now. It’s not like there’s a switch that’s been flipped. It‘s more like this conversation was the turning page of a new chapter.

“I’ll think about it. I want to see it first. Maybe talk to some of your staff.” Carmen’s chest strains a little when he thinks about you interacting with Richie. Then he’s reassured when he thinks about you interacting with Sydney or Marcus. You’d fit in well, you have great feeling for people.

“Yeah— yeah, I get that. Totally. I can arrange that. Uhm, we’re renovating right now, actually, it’s all really kinda wild, but if you wanna stop by, chat with Syd, or Nat, or talk about the plans, let me know. I’m sure they’d love to talk to you.” He’s not lying, you seem like you’d get along well with them. Especially Sydney. Your thinking processes are very similar to each other. And to his.

Carmen gets the bill, even though you try to pay for it.

“It’s just a coffee, just let me get this one.”

You let him have this one, simply because you can’t argue with him after the conversation you just had. You’re in too good of a mood after his proposition too.

He walks you to your car, hands in his pockets when you reach it. It’s cold outside, and his breath comes out in visible puffs of air. His nose is a little red, but you think it looks cute.

“Thanks for coming, by the way,” he starts, “I know you didn’t have to. Like— after how I acted to you. But— But I really do appreciate that you’re givin' me a chance here.” He’d always been confused about how positive and faithful you were in people. He never thought he’d be grateful for those exact features too.

“No worries, I… I had a good time. I’m glad we talked.” The keys jingle as you fidget with them. Among them is a keychain in the shape of a cherry, he recognizes it. It reminds him of how little you’ve both changed. And how much.

“Yeah.” He sighs. Relieved, almost. “Me too. But I’ll let you leave, might wanna tell your chef the good news.”

“Good news?” You quirk an eyebrow.

“That you’re selling them the business.”

“I haven’t decided yet, Carm.” You scoff. But he can tell you have, you look too excited about it all to not have your mind made up yet. It excites him too. Scares him a bit as well, but what’s a new chapter without a bit of tension?

“Right. Sorry.” He huffs. “Just text me when you wanna head over to see the place. It’s uh… It’s a work in progress, but it’s getting somewhere.”

“I believe you. I’m looking forward to it.” You lean back against your car a little.

“Yeah. Me too.”

“See y’around?” You unlock it and walk up to the driver’s side.

“Course. Uh, don’t be a stranger.”

You grin, leaning down to get into the vehicle. “Never with you, Berzatto.”

He watches you drive off, standing in the cold for far longer than any sensible person has any business standing there. But he feels good. He feels warm.

He thinks about what you said to him before you left. You were right, you were never a stranger to him. You were always like a constant in his life; whether you were actually present or not. And even if he didn’t know that much about you, which he was insistent on changing, you were never a stranger.

Never with him.

tag list <3

@beebslebobs @thatone-brightstar  @spr3id  @deadandstill  @777iii  @magicboytrash  @dogdevourer @wiipes @sierrahhh  @crayzmarvelfan800 @azxulaa  @astridyoo15   @rexorangecouny  @azxulaa @jointherebellion215 @diorrfairy @chanluuvr @idontexist-anymore @wolfiealina

[ruffboijuliaburnsides]

Can I just say that I'm truly actually loving the pace of this season of Hermitcraft?

Like, for one, we've got multiple super-long-term projects that are meant to be like. for everyone to play with eventually, and none of them are close to being DONE but no one's feeling rushed, they're just putting their all into making their projects good. Like yeah the TCG is live, but Beef's clearly got a lot of expansion plans to provide over time. Etho and Ren have their huge ice race course that they're doing but not like rushing, Decked Out 2 is like... maybe 2/3rds done? Since so much of the redstone work and excavation is done even if there's still a couple levels to build/decorate/hook up into the system. And then it's meant to be played over time. Joe's pinball machine is coming apace at a steady rate but it's SO huge and fiddly that it's not exactly a quick build. Scar's got like 2-3 more areas of Scarland that haven't even been started. But clearly the end of the season isn't anywhere near, because everyone is very comfortable with their pace.

Plus like... there's been room for people to go off the server for a few weeks or months and then sure they don't have anything as big as other folks, but they've still got plenty of time to come back and get back in the swing of things and get back to working on the things they wanna do. Mumbo, notably, was gone for nearly a year. Stress was gone for ages. I know nearly everybody's taken at least a little bit of time.

IDK it just feels nice. s8 was a nice crash course when I was new to everything (including the game of minecraft tbh) but this season has been, while obviously EVENTFUL, also been nice and slow-paced, and I think it's really working well, and it seems to be doing most of the hermits I've watched well, bc it's giving them a chance to do big things and not burn themselves out trying to get those big things done as quick as they can.

There's no point to this post, I was just feeling happy about this season and wanted to share <3

[lackablazeical]

Viv when she cant sexualize men and villainize women: 👹👺👺👺👹👹

Okay so this redesign was spurred by my friend who really doesn't like Adam, so I decided to do my spin on him!

First: in the Bible, it is CANON he is made from red soil/clay. Which is dark. He is not white. He is poc. Okay? Cool

Okay so other then that, mostly I just wanted to make him seem much more ethereal. I based his design on clothes the pope wears, like the fuckn. Sash things and stuff. His wings take the place of a sash and while he can use them, rarely does (a reference to his connection to the earth)

I used mostly primary colors for him, kinda nodding to the fact he's like the 'origin' person. Mostly gold tho bc why not (also contrasts the blue of heaven, and its in reference to his greedy need to put his family before god)

But also his robe has red edges like they're stained w/ blood too, and his stomach sash has a similar stain. He has very little blue to show that his true loyalties don't lie with heaven, but with his wife.

And okay, I hate how ppl will use the 'they're in hell! Ofc they curse!" Excuse but also like. Hate that some characters are sexist or whatevs. Like bro. It'd make sense characters are gonna be sexist/ableist/etc etc. Why beef w/ Adam over it. So I kept Adam being sexist, but it's moreso bc he loves his wife so much he refuses to treat any other women well, bc he's so loyal. Type to drop a door on a lady bc it's not his gf yk.

I hc that Eve is buried in pride, and has a tree growing from her body (she's not dead but more in like kinda a limbo), and that's where Heaven stays in Hell. And so Adam goes down there during exterminations to see her tree and talk to her before he has to leave again.

Adam was originally a good person, but bc of his eating of the apple (which stained his teeth), he now can't NOT indulge sin, and most often, he indulges in greed (like only doing things if he thinks he could get eve back), and wrath (the more violent side of the masculine he represents).

Also bc of this, one of his punishments from God is being blinded, unable to see God's holy light or the face of his wife ever again. He also had his wedding band finger cut off as punishment too. The rest of his fingers have golden caps, bc he is dangerous to touch bc yk. How sinful he is from eating the fruit

And the fig leaves are just cus yk. He's associated w/ em. The leaves on his head actually form a shape of ram horns since rams represent devotion to God and Adam fell bc he wasn't devoted enough

Also I will keep that Eve was made from Adam BUT comma, she took not just his rib but his liver, 10 of his fingers (he originally had 20), and his skin. Just cus yeah why not

So yeah. Love this design loads actually LMAO

[wakeupandchooseviolets]

Obsession

I'm not a complicated woman, I swear.

I'm so boring.

I'm quiet. I live alone. I drink decaf. I file my taxes in January. I majored in art history.

I crochet, goddammit! I crochet cardigans, the most boring kind of sweater! And then I wear them! Like Mister Rogers, aka the plainest person to ever exist.

No one could possibly suspect how deeply weird I am.

I've been perfect. I've never left a browser history. I've never worn blue and red together. I've kept myself as trim as my mom's genes let me. No one's ever caught me watching the movie.

You know... the movie?

You know the movie.

Well, I mean, I guess it's "movies" now, but... I know which one left a violet stain on my soul.

You can't blame me.

Well... you certainly can't, anyway.

If you were me, maxed out on good karma, toeing every line you've ever met, perfectly alone in all the universe... what would you have done differently? What other choice was there?

Never mind how I got the chance. As soon as I found out about it, there was nothing else I could do. Everything I thought I knew about myself fell away. All the safe choices and good behavior just gone, poof, like they never existed. This is my fate, it was made for me.

I was always going to be the one chewing this stick of gum.

In the end, it was like they wanted me to find it.

Dodging through an unlocked door, stealing through low-lit corridors, drawn to it like the heartbeat of the universe.

It's so silly. I know it is. Some stray neutrino passed through my brain as a child, and I watched the wrong movie, and I twisted into whatever it is that I am. All I've wanted is to become something else, and that something is big, and round, and draped in the shreds of the last clothes she'll ever wear.

That last part is really important for reasons I just can't explain. All that matters is that I literally get too big for my britches. I just need to hear that little "pop". That's it.

I can never seem to imagine past that. Regardless, I'm putting the gum to my lips, completely, defiantly unaware of how this will end. It's on my tongue, and the flavor is unreal. I guess they didn't bother with the roast beef or anything. It's just violently fruity. Juicy, and warm, and way too sweet.

A door creaks open. I was so sure I wouldn't be found, but joke's on them. It's too late.

It's a mousy woman woman with huge glasses, wearing a lab coat. She peeks around the door before she enters, like she doesn't want to offend me.

"Oh-" she says.

"Um," I say around a mouthful of juice. "I-"

And then I think, hey, wait, I've made my choice. It doesn't matter how this ends! What's she going to do, save me? I'm in control here! Kind of!

"... um." I say again. Actually, it's hard to talk. I'm swallowing a lot of juice.

She steps all the way into the room.

"Uh, hi," she says, fiddling with her glasses. She looks at me, and then down at her clipboard, and then back to me. "Are you-"

"I'm not spitting it out," I say, before gulping down another burst of juice. I'm starting to feel kinda bloated.

"No, I mean. Um," she says, "sorry, I'm new here, um."

I'm tired of my mouth working so hard, so I make a show of swallowing the gum.

"Oh!" she says, "that was fast," and she makes some sort of mark on her clipboard.

What.

"Um, could you follow me this way, please?" she asks, gesturing toward another door I hadn't noticed. One of those big ones like they have on loading docks that roll upward.

"What?" I ask, reflexively.

She walks over and pushes a big red button on the wall. The door starts lifting.

"Oh, sorry, we can wait if you want," she says, "you'll fit, don't worry."

I start to have a thought, but then my stomach gurgles and I feel like I'm on an elevator going down. I clutch my sides and double over, but... it's getting hard to bend.

"Don't worry," she says again, "it just feels weird, but you'll be okay."

The thought comes back. Someone was expecting this. They're prepared for this.

I look back at the pedestal the gum was resting on. It's already been replaced with another piece.

The worst feeling in the world is thinking you're making a defiant last stand, only to find out that the hill you chose to die on was ready-made for your dramatic exit, and that you'll be asked to leave through the gift shop and pay way too much for the photos they take of you. You know, figuratively.

I have to do something they won't see coming.

I turn around and lunge for the new piece of gum. Or, at least, I try to lunge, but my thighs are filling up and it's getting difficult to move dramatically. Still, I grab it and cram it in my mouth. Might as well be a brat.

"Oh!" she chirps again, and makes another mark on her clipboard. "Wow! So-"

God, I'm feeling so full. I can feel every inch of my clothes pulling taut against my skin. I gave in to temptation and wore a blue top, blue jeans, and a red belt. I couldn't help myself. Now, that belt is starting to dig in, trying to squeeze me in half.

I swallow the new gum, too, and look down at myself. I'm getting pretty big, bulging out around the belt. My shirt is riding up, exposing my swelling blue belly to the cool air. Out of the corner of my eye, I see her make another mark.

I try to touch my growing midsection, but it's getting hard to move my arms. They're filling up too. I feel warm all over now.

"You're blowing up so fast!" she says.

She opens her mouth to say something else, and that's when my belt snaps apart. My equator surges outward, jiggling and sloshing from the violent release.

It feels so, so strange, becoming something completely alien to what you use to be.

That said, it also feels amazing. Swelling bigger and bigger with gushing blueberry juice, bursting out of- wait.

I'm still growing, but besides the belt, everything's still on.

I try to look down again, but all I can see is the blue horizon of my belly. I flap my hands in frustration.

The lady speaks up again. "Since you're likely unable to move by yourself now, may I have your permission to roll you?"

"Um," I say, trying to think. I'm freaking out a little right now. "Uh."

I need this. It's all I've ever really needed. I just need need need to blow up and burst out of my clothes, that's it, and who cares what happens to the blueberry that used to be me.

All I need is to burst one little button and I'm done. I'll have won. Good day, miss.

The problems is, I'm perfectly round now, and my jeans are so, so tight but haven't so much as snapped a stray thread.

"Miss?" she says, "may I roll you away?"

I try to think of something to say, just to stall for a little more time. I'm so close, so so close.

Instead, I break down.

"Please," I beg her, "I'm going to lose my mind if I can't pop this button."

"Hey-" she starts, but I'm in a full-on panic right now.

"I have to, I have to, I don't know if I'll ever get another chance to be a blueberry, and like what if you roll me away and I never get juiced and I'm just stuck like this forever which would be hot but still or like what if this is as big as I can get and it's just impossible like what the fuck who even makes clothes that fit spherical women I knew I should have worn the red ones-"

"-but-"

"And I know what you're thinking! She broke the rules, it doesn't matter what she wants, she's just a blueberry now, blueberries don't want things, they're not even people! She had her chance and she blew it except she couldn't even blow it-"

"Miss! Please," she snaps, and she walks over, reaches up, and pinches my lips closed.

We lock eyes, because where else can I look, and for a moment, I just cry silent blue tears down my puffy cheeks, pouting all the while.

Then she smiles, and says, "I'm a trained professional, Miss. I can help you with that." She lets go, brushes her frizzy hair out of her eyes, and disappears behind me.

I feel her warm little hands on either side of me, like she's trying to give me a weird hug. Then I feel her squeeze into me. It feels startling, she must be way stronger than she looks. The pressure builds more and more, and I can hear her making an adorable little straining noise.

Then, there's a pop, and immediately a sense of relief. I hear a little zipping noise as the fly on my jeans explodes open. I gasp at the sensation.

Finally.

I give a little shudder, releasing the tension I hadn't realized was building the whole time. How Freudian of me, I guess. The oral stage ain't got nothing on this.

"Now then," she says, appearing in front of me again, smiling wider, making yet another mark. "May I please roll you away, Miss?"

[respectthepetty]

A public apology to Never Let Me Go's Chopper:

Sir, I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry that I mistook you for every other side character in a BL series who is jealous of the lead, manipulative to get what he wants, controlled by his father, and disingenuous to everyone. That's not you! You could NEVER! You're in a league with To Sir, With Love's Yang, and both of you will go into the BL Hall of Fame.

Just so you know how sincere I am about this apology, let me recount the ways I wrongly accused you of being an undercover red flag when you are actually the biggest green flag in these BL streets. Full disclosure - I misjudged you a lot.

You looked at Nueng at the conference and hesitated to follow your father when he left. 1a) You're always worried about your cousin and 1b) from the beginning have shown you don't align with your father's beliefs.

1a. When you found out Ben, who you knew couldn't reciprocate Nueng's feelings due to his homophobic father, was speaking to Nueng, you directly asked Ben what he wanted from your cousin.

Because you care about your cousin, and you want to actually spend time with him.

You let him know that even though your parents are beefing, you still love him.

You are genuinely happy to see him.

And when he asked you about Ben and why you are no longer friends (since the 10th grade *sob*), you warned him that Ben is distant, but encouraged both him and Ben to pursue their attraction AND asked follow-up questions on separate occasions because YOU CARE ABOUT THE PEOPLE YOU LOVE even if it kills you.

And that is why Nueng trusts only you unlike your father.

1b. You told your father from the beginning that you didn't want what he was offering nor did you cave to his expectations.

You also told him you weren't competing with your cousin because, once again, you actually love Nueng and don't resent him .

You looked away when your father wanted you to watch him punish someone.

You picked up the photo of Tanya and Nueng when your father threw it, and you directly asked him AND scolded him for ordering the hits.

I know you know how to use a gun, and I know you can aim very well. If you kill your father, I will light every candle and pray that you only know good sex for the rest of your life, that your bed is always the perfect temperature, and that your earrings never snag your clothing. Amen.

2. You have always been kind especially to Palm and Ben. You immediately went to Palm and made friends with him, speaking casually, and told him if he needed help, to ask you.

When you saw Palm at Nueng's house, you were happy to see him, and spoke to him. When you realized you offended him by telling him he didn't have to act like a servant in front of you, you quickly apologized.

You were also quick to apologize to Ben when you knew your words hurt him.

When you found out about the incident at school, you went to Ben and comforted him. You even grabbed his hands in public, looked him in the eyes, and told him he wasn't to blame (for being the victim of a public outing).

I truly thought YOU were behind this, but once again, you are the BEST BOY and put Kimlock Holmes to shame by solving the case. However, you stopped Ben from hurting Aun, and I think you even felt bad for Aun when you found out his reasoning for doing it.

You have shown that you don't condone violence but are willing to do what is necessary for the people you love (*whispers* please kill your dad) and will literally kick someone's ass.

4. You are aware you are gay.

I know this seems wild that I misjudged you for this mostly since this is a BL series, so everyone is queer until proven otherwise, but Chopper, you KNOW who you are. You aren't holding on to a secret. You aren't pining over Ben from a distance. No! You told him in the 10th GRADE that you liked him.

And when he rejected you, you kept your distance, but still encouraged him to find happiness with someone else because you want the people you love to be happy even if it was with each other.

You also complimented Palm on his body because, baby, YOU ARE A GAY MAN WITH EYES!

I can't apologize enough for not believing in you even when you showed me exactly who you were time and time again. You may be okay that Ben rejected you, but know that Ben now realizes the sun and the moon reside in your eyes.

The way he looked at you while you took the time to carefully go through your skincare routine when you said you weren't his type told everyone that this boy wants Nueng to come home safe, but he wants YOU to come to his home and make him feel safe.

Chopper, I love you. I don't even care that you are into cryptocurrency. Baby, your game is so fire, that you could tell me to shut up, and I do it. That's how much I love you.

If you pull a switcheroo in the final act, I'll forgive you. If you die in the final act, I will never speak of this show again. If you kill your father, I will never stop speaking about this show.

Stay kind. Stay sincere. Stay a confident gay.

And kill your father.

[thesuperiorgenshinaddict]

Hiya could I request Val x reader, where reader and angel become friends and val gets jealous of them spending time together. It can be NSFW if u want it to

AN: trying to think of a title but i can't think of shit LMFAO. gonna put the SFW stuff at the top and the N$FW at the bottom. also i can't really think of when val would be jealous of angel n you normally cuz i dont think he has thaaat much beef w/ angel so it can probably be taken as val having a wittle psychotic crushy wushy on reader and denying it in his head lolz

also halfway through writing this i just realized that you could've wanted a soft thing of valentino and reader talking it out and being like 'erm bro i got jealous...' and shit but like i went more of the canon route :3333 Pairing: Valentino x GN! Reader, (Platonic) Angel Dust x GN! Reader Warnings: Valentino typical shit, weaaaapoons ooo, Violence, Angel Dust slander, Valentino being an asshole, Degradation, SFW-ish HCs:

You and Angel Dust were Valentino's top stars. Made him the most cash and shit so he was slightly nicer to the both of you. Of course, that also meant you had to film more often.

So, imagine how fucking PISSED he was when you were not only late for filming, your ass also went to goof around with Angel. Mind you, he was already pissing and shitting himself after Angel skeddaddled to the Hazbitch Hotel.

The mere thought that he might lose another of his top stars to that shithole made him petulantly stomp his feet like a whiny bitch. He decided to be a nice, kind individual (he's delusional) and try to let you off with a warning. Honestly, said 'warning' was just him making you feel like shit and making himself seem nice and all that.

As much as he likes the amount of cash Angel Dust gets him, he gets irked every time he sees that slutty bitch's face. It was definitely hypocritical of him to say, but he considered Angel a 'bad influence'. He's just waiting for the day he catches you fucking around with those redemption hoes. Valentino's hands are just itching to grab his beloved gun and shoot the fucking hotel up. (lmao will I get flagged for that)

Thank god you weren't late for anything else for a long while. Valentino almost forgot how much he was raging until he spots Angel and you at a mall. A fucking mall. Great, and you're even giggling and kicking your feet with him. Valentino swears he has no actual interest in you, but that shit set him off. He screeches at Vox for like 3 hours until you pull up at the studio and he goes batshit.

He gives Angel the most ominous glare in the history of, idk, me and your mom's relationship and drags you to the dressing room. Seriously, why the fuck is he acting like this? Fucking hell. Why the fuck were you flirting with the horny spider shitbag? (Delusional Valentino real) To be fair, he'd be more pissed if you were trying to hit on some rando in the street, but Angel Dust is still a traitorous lying dick in his book. I forgot if that was a phrase or not. Or idiom, I don't fucking know.

Wow, that's a lot of fucks.

Now for the sussy HC's boom:

He's fucking your brains out. He probably won't stop until he physically sees marks of his hands and teeth everywhere. Doesn't bother to prep you with anything, just rawdogs it.

Has you bent over the makeup desk thing or whatever the fuck it's called and holding your face in one of his hands. Says the most condescending shit, but it just sounds embarrassingly insecure. Well, it would be funny if it wasn't for how he's one movement away from choking your lights out.

His claws dig into your back and he has one of your legs onto the table just to hit the angle that has you crying. All the while, his mouth is yapping away about how if you left him he would track you down and obliterate your asshole until you can't walk for the next week and a half.

Bonus points if he drags Angel in just to watch his expression while he makes you say stupid shit. Probably thinks he's being cool based off Angel Dust's upset face, but that's mainly because Angel's just feeling bad for you. Valentino's still having his headcanon that Angel and you are trying to hit it off.

Valentino's probably pushing the laws of physics with this because that's at least Mach 10 speed. It's a joke, I think. Running his fingers over your spine to watch you shiver, his pride is almost palpable.

Once he busted a nut, he walks off like nothing happens. Literally strutting away like he just invented the flying dildo or something. Oh god, this is making me think that he probably has. Christ.

Angel helps clean you up and the two of you can share a depressing laugh about how you're literally just homies. Valentino acts a lot more possessive afterwards and religiously stares Angel Dust down.

Good luck trying to leave the tower now, he's making sure he's constantly watching you.

Drabble woo (i'll make a ff of this soon i promise)

Valentino's eye twitches as he takes labored breaths. "You fucking slut." He growls out as he clenches and unclenches his fists. His wings are unraveled and he slams the dressing room door shut. Suddenly, his entire personality pulls a 180. His lower set of hands go to cup your face and he visibly relaxes. "Aw, baby," He coos. "Do I not give you enough attention? Is that why you're so desperate to whore around with Angel?" As if he's trying to coax an answer out of you, he runs his hand down your back in a comforting (?) motion. Apparently his attention span is really fucking low because he abruptly stands up and lifts you up by your neck. He fucking squeezes. Hard. "How the fuck am I not treating you well enough? Since you have so much time to fuck around and go burn my well earned cash with that lanky bitch, how about you tell me what you're not happy about?!" His nails dig into your skin and you can vaguely feel the blood slowly trickling down. Your heart is like it's beating out of your chest and holy shit, the adrenaline is going crazy.

AN: okay yeah so sry for sudden stop but ill probably write this as a fanfic thing later cuz rn i procrasinated this req for soo long like 5 whopping days bro oh my gyatt. im gonna work on my masterlist and whatever first and then ill get this done okie? okie thanks 4 understanding i hope this req was what you wanted otherwise feel free to ask for a remake w/ a diff vibe yk :p

[magics-neptunes-things]

One Love (5)

Hi guys!

This is another part from my Luna's serie, One Love. It's from some request of some of them, please don't hesitate to ask me if you want something :)

Please enjoy ♥

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4 | PART 5

______________________________________________________________

“Are you writing to Lucy again?!”

Laia’s voice makes Ona almost jump, not expecting her best friend to be as close as she is right now. In fact, she’s sitting in the armchair next to Ona.

“What the hell Laia” Ona grumbles, not answering her question.

Because of course she was. Can anyone blame her? When she’s at home, she has her girlfriend next to her almost every second of the day. Now they are apart for more than ten days and it feels like hell.

“Of course she is” Salma grins, sitting on the other side of Ona.

Ona rolls her eyes, answering to Lucy’s text anyway, making the two other girls smile at each other. They both love Ona, they are actually very fond of seeing her friend as happy as Ona seems to be.

“And you just see how much she is writing to her. You don’t have her looking at Lucy with her heart eyes all day” Salma add.

She’s still smirking, laughing when Ona raises on her a dirty glare.

“I don’t have heart eyes for her all day.”

“Don’t worry, I think it’s cute. I’m sure Lucy thinks the same thing.”

Ona hit Salma’s shoulder this time. She wanted to go for her head, but the striker change wisely her position to be as far as Ona as possible.

“Don’t be like that, Onita. You know that we are actually very happy for you.”

Ona rolls her eyes one more time, unable to hide her smile. She is happy, she even said it in one interview the other day. She doesn’t like to talk about her private life and she didn’t gave any indication about her love for Lucy, but she still said that she is happy. Ona knows that Lucy had read the interview.

“I am happy” Ona mumbles, laying on Laia shoulder while sticking out her thong to Salma.

The younger woman snorts at Ona.

“You never fight?” Laia asks with curiosity.

Ona shakes her head honestly. She knows that only a few people would believe her, after all Lucy and her have both a strong head. But they decided very soon in her relationship to favor discussions.

“That’s true” says Salma. “I’ve never heard one of them talking bad at the other.”

“We only had one fight to be honest.” Ona says thoughtfully.

“What was it about?”

********

Ona doesn’t know how this fight has started, to be honest. They were at the game this afternoon, they won and even if Lucy received a yellow card, it was a good game. After the fans’ meeting and the shower, they went home. Ona was hopping to eat some sushi, cuddle with her girlfriend and their dogs before falling asleep in front of a movie they will take forever to choose.

But it seems like everything went wrong. Lucy was kind of moody when they left the stadium and even if Ona asked her several times what was happening, she only had the answer “I’m fine.”. But Lucy wasn’t, she kept looking right in front of her while driving, not even looking one time at her girlfriend.

The small talk that Ona tried to make wasn’t working either. She just putted some music on and kept looking by the window. Unlike she usually did, Lucy doesn’t open her the car door and even if Ona was saying at first that she can do it herself, she started liking when Lucy does it.

When Lucy plops on her sofa without looking at her, scrolling on her phone with a tightened jaw, it was too much for Ona. She hates fighting, she always tries to find a way to make things better for everyone without having a beef. But right now, it’s too much.

“Lucy?”

No answer.

“Lucy!”

Still no answer. And Ona takes a big breath before walking in her direction to snatch her phone from her hand.

“Can you at least answer me?!”

“Give me my phone back.”

Lucy’s tone is cold, and Ona hates it. But she stands her ground, hiding the phone behind her back. Of course, she knew that Lucy would get mad. But a least she maybe will tell her what the hell is happening.

“No. Talk to me, what’s happening?”

“Nothing Ona, for God’s sake! Give me my phone back!”

The English woman raise her voice and Ona flinch while the dogs hurry to leave the living room. Lucy doesn’t mean to snap at her girlfriend who only seems to want to make things better. But she’s stubborn, hate to talk about her feelings and she’s tired. And mad, but Ona still doesn’t know why.

“Stop acting like a moody teenager Lucy, talk to me please.”

But Lucy thought that it was too late. The fight has already started, Ona is already pissed and herself is already boiling inside. So, she gets up from the couch, passing next to her girlfriend to go to the kitchen.

“You know what? Go to hell.” she mumbles.

In a typical teenage fashion. Feeling that her composure is starting to break, Ona closes her eyes for some seconds and takes a big, silenced breath.

“I don’t understand what is happening, Luce.”

“Why don’t you go ask your best friend? Or is she already gone back to San Sebastian?”

The answer came but it’s nothing that Ona was thinking about. She needs some more seconds, but this time it was to figure out what it was about.

“What the hell are you talking about?”

Her best friend is Laia Aleixandri who is definitively at Manchester right now. So, there is no way that Lucy is talking about her and why the hell would Laia makes in their relationship problems? Her and Lucy went along great.

“Oh please.” Lucy is in the kitchen, looking at her through the opening of the door and she raises her voice again. “Don’t tell me it was nothing, I saw the way you hug each other. Everyone else saw it.”

Ona is so surprised that she wants to laugh. Thanks god, her rational part tells her that it’s maybe not the right thing to do.

“She’s a friend. We played together at la Misa when we were younger.”

Lucy snorts and answer something like “Yeah sure” and that makes Ona gone mad too. She knows that her girlfriend is mad, but her cockiness starts to get on her nerves. Especially when the English woman doesn’t make any move to try to make things better between them.

It was this time Ona’s turn to shout.

“Who do you think I am exactly? It was a damn hug Lucy, not a making out session!”

Lucy bites her tongue hard to not answer at that. She knows that otherwise; she will answer things that she doesn’t think and that she will hurt Ona. And even if she’s mad about that girl, the yellow card and almost everything, she doesn’t want to hurt the younger girl.

But Lucy’s silence wasn’t helping, and Ona assumes what everyone would assume.

“Glad to learn how you think about me.”

She was cold too, now hurt. She feels her tears coming and there is no way that Lucy sees her like this. Ona hates being angry because she always ends crying and losing all her credits. So she goes to the bathroom, slamming the door for good measure.

“Shit” sights Lucy, pinching her nose.

********

During the next hour, there is almost no sound in the flat. Ona stayed in the bathroom and then in the bedroom. She regrets her choice, because everything smells like Lucy and remember her their fight. This is their first real fight, they had misunderstood or disagreements, but never that way.

She cried a little (a lot) and after that she used some cold water to make her face a little less red and puffy. After that she was hopping to be able to have some cuddles with her dog, but Coco is nowhere to be found. She frowns when she calls him one time and a second without him coming running like crazy.

She hesitates to go find him, but after twenty minutes, she stands slowly from the bed. When she’s lying on it, he will run to her to cuddle with her. They make the dogs sleep in the living room so every second stolen with one of them on the bed is precious to him.

“Coco?” she calls again at the door of the room.

She waits and listen to any sound indicating the dog’s arrival, but still nothing. At first Ona thinks that he might be angry at her too and she almost cry again. But she thinks better and goes discreetly to the living room. She perks in the room carefully, not wanting for Lucy to see her. Narla is curling against her Mama’s tight, but there is no sight of Coco.

So she goes to the bathroom, to the entry, to the guest room and the kitchen. But still no Coco. And Ona starts to get really worried. Her last chance is the balcony, but she has to cross the living room to go to it. Sighing, she decided to ignore Lucy’s presence, still very mad at her. And hurt, too maybe. Anyway, she really doesn’t want to talk to her right now.

She feels Lucy gaze following her when she crosses the room but doesn’t look at her. Coco isn’t on the balcony and Ona isn’t far for a break down. She sniffs while closing the balcony’s door and that’s what alert Lucy.

“What are you looking for?”

Lucy’s voice returned to her normal tone and Ona takes a shacky breath before answering.

“I can’t find Coco” she mumbles without looking at her.

“What do you mean you can’t find Coco?” Lucy frowns.

“I can’t find Coco Lucy, what don’t you understand?” she shouts, losing it and turning to Lucy. “What do you want me to say? I enjoy touching other women in public and I’m not even able to take care the dog you offered me.”

Lucy has never seen Ona like this. Her red and puffy eyes are full of tears, some of them running freely on her cheeks. She’s shouting again, and Lucy feels her heart crack. She stands from the couch, Narla looking at them from it.

Coco is a gift from Lucy to Ona, that’s right. She gave him to Ona for their ten month’s anniversary  but it was honestly only a pretext. Ona had always told her how much she missed the dog she had when she was younger and that she never took another one because she wasn’t at home enough. And at Manchester it wouldn’t have made any sense because she was looking to come back to Barcelona soon.

“He can’t be far away.” she says, making Ona shrugs.

Lucy’s voice is soft now, she fully regrets the fight they had sooner, her behavior and the way she talked to Ona. She doesn’t know how the Spaniard would react to a physical touch from her, but she decides to try anyway. Fingers crossed, she softly takes Ona by the hand before taking her against her to hug her. She breaths again when Ona immediately cuddles against her, hiding her face in her neck.

“Come on. I’ll help you to look at him ok?”

The younger girl nod and follows Lucy in the same rooms that she was before. They finish by the bedroom, but Lucy has to admit that the dog isn’t here too.

“I’ll go take the biscuits” Ona mumbles.

Coco’s weakness. If the dog is in the flat, he will come running. Lucy sighs and sits on the bed, looking at the tissues Ona used to dry her tears with culpability. That’s when she hears a little sound, coming from under the bed. Frowning, she gets up from it to lay down on the floor and looking under the bed. She’s now facing Coco eyes, looking at her.

“Ona? He’s here”

Two seconds later, Ona is in the bedroom with the biscuits’ packet in her hand. With precaution she makes Coco get out from under the bed, before hugging him tight in her arms, her nose in his hairs.

“Why where you hiding here?” she whispers while to dog is licking at her hands.

He licks her face too, making her grimacing. Ona hates when he does it, but he loves it. Lucy can only smile in front of Ona’s face and the way Coco looks at the biscuits with interest. Ona gives him one and Coco takes it before leaving for the living room, leaving the two women alone.

Ona’s small smile fades and she gets up to follow her dog, but Lucy catches her hand before.

“Ona, wait please” the English woman says. “I’m sorry. I know you wouldn’t do anything to hurt me. I was jealous, and stupid and I wasn’t thinking straight. Can you please forgive me?”

Ona rubs her eyes before sighing softy. She’s exhausted to be honest, there was a little too many emotions to deal with for only one night.

“Why in the world would I go for someone else in front of you?”

“I was jealous Ona, that’s all. It was stupid of myself. I’m really sorry.”

“But I don’t understand. We are together almost every second of the day and you know that it’s a torture when we are apart. Why are you jealous? I’m yours, no one else.”

Lucy sighs and sits on the bed, not really fond of the idea of having this discussion now, but she can’t escape it. Not when she had that kind of behavior, not answering wouldn’t be fair to Ona.

“I don’t know. She has your age, doesn’t have constant surgery to fix her knee and she will be playing as long as you. The life we have now won’t last forever, but it would be longer if I was younger.”

Frowning, Ona sits on the bed next to Lucy.

“I know it won’t last forever, but we will have other things to live together after that. I don’t care about your age Lucy, I never had. And I never will. I fell in love with Lucia, not Lucy Bronze the amazing football player.”

Lucy rolls her eyes with a smirk, but Ona’s answer is good to hear. Ona could literally have any other girl if she wanted to, it sometimes doesn’t make sense for the English woman that she chooses to stay with her.

“You didn’t answer me before…”

“About what?” Ona asks, tilting her head.

“Can you forgive me?”

She’s biting her bottom lip, looking at Ona with her eyes full of sincerity and somehow a little of fear? Ona isn’t sure but she only needs to look at her girlfriend for some seconds before answering.

“I forgive you. But you have to talk to me when something isn’t right, Love. I don’t want to fight like this again.”

“I promise” Lucy answers, reaching for her girlfriend.

Ona lean in and Lucy envelops her immediately with her arm. Closing her eyes, she breaths Ona’s sent before hiding her face in the younger one’s hair.

“I’m sorry I made you cry” Lucy mumble against Ona’s hair.

Ona hums softly, before looking up at her.

“Kiss me better?”

Lucy laughs, not regretting slightly having learned this expression to Ona in the beginning of their relationship. Ona knows when using it very well. The dark-haired woman kiss Ona’s lips softly several times, keeping her tight against her. She kisses her face soon after, very part of it, punctuating her kisses with “I love you”.

Some minutes after, she has a giggling Ona in her arms, and she feels her heart melt. Ona is her miracle, coming in her life when she felt like everything was falling apart. Ona flipped her world upside down, but everything makes sense since Her. She can’t lose her.

********

“Even your fights are cute. I’ve never felt so single in my life” Salma sighs, making the two others girl laughs.

A notification from her phone makes Ona’s hand vibrate and the Catalan girl looks at it. It’s a notification from Instagram, Lucy apparently just posted a picture.

“Holy fuck” Ona mumbles while looking at it.

Lucy, looking straight to the camera, her hair down and arm in full display. She knows very well what she’s doing, Ona mentioning yesterday night during their phone call how she’s still destabilized sometimes when Lucy looks at her so intensely. Without thinking, she likes the pictures and received a teasing text from Lucy almost right after.

“Such a tease” Ona mumbles to herself, before looking at her friends again. “Can I have your opinion about something?”

********

Lucy is taking her breakfast, like almost always with her headphones and her music on. Some girls say she is asocial, but she needs that to be in a good shape for the rest of the day. She was sipping at her coffee when she received a notification from Ona.

And she spits her coffee.

“What the hell mate?”

She raises her face on Lauren James in front of her, without answering anything and looks back at her phone. She doesn’t hear LJ groans something about being aggressive soon in the morning, only focused on Ona’s message. Or picture, she just sent her.

A mirror selfie isn’t something rare for Ona, but a mirror selfie with almost nothing on her, it’s like a first.

From Lucy What the hell You’re killing me

From Ona Just thought it would be fair to thanks you for you picture yesterday. Too bad it wasn’t only for me though.

Lucy answered something after that, but she doesn’t take her chance to answer her for now. It’s hard to say which one of the two really started this war, but it has been a ping pong of photos and video, by messages or Instagram sometimes. The fans don’t seem to understand what was really happening, but Lucy and Ona did. And they can say that they have fun.

Several days later, Lucy is waiting for Ona in their house. They came back from the camp, Lucy being earlier even if she was literally in another country. They have to take back their dogs from Ona’s parents, but they will go tomorrow. Right now, honestly, Lucy doesn’t want anything but cuddle with her girlfriend.

Ona arrives at the end of the afternoon, looking a little tired but the smile she puts on her face when she spots Lucy waiting for her in the entrance is beautiful. She lets her bags fall on the floor, raise her hand to put them around Lucy’s neck when she comes for her and let her hugs her. And make her levitate a little, making her giggle.

“I missed your laugh” Lucy smile against her neck, hugging her even harder. “I really missed you.”

“I missed you too” Ona mumble back.

Then Lucy puts her back on the ground and kisses her right on the lips, several time, before Ona tightens her hold around her neck to keep her against her. Lucy smiles against her lips but let her, letting herself enjoying their reunion.

“It’s great to have you in front of me for real and not in a teasing picture” Lucy smirks, some minutes later, when they are cuddling on their sofa.

“It was your fault. You started it” Ona rolls her eyes.

“Me?! I haven’t done anything! You started with your almost naked picture.”

Ona snorts and raise her eyebrow, making Lucy laughs slightly. But she doesn’t want to abdicate so soon, so she shrugs.

“What?”

“I know what. You posted that amazing picture of yourself the day before that.”

“It was just a casual picture. Not my fault if you fancy me as much.”

The sassy comment makes Ona try to hit her, but Lucy is faster and grabs her hands. With it, she takes Ona closer to her, smirking again.

“I love that you fancy me, though.”

She tries to kiss her, but Ona turns her face to make her lips kiss her cheeks instead.

“Ona” Lucy frowns.

But it was Ona’s turn to be sassy, turning her head at the last moment when Lucy try to kiss her again and again.

“Come on, just kiss me” she whines at her fourth attempt.

“Who’s the one fancying the other now?” Ona smirks.

Lucy sighs excessively, knowing that she won’t have the last word this time. Rolling her eyes, she pouts while talking.

“Ok I fancy you too. And maybe I posted this picture to tease you. May I have my kiss now?”

“Yes, you can.”

Ona laughs, making Lucy smiles, before she leans in to kiss her. Lucy is right, after all the teasing and the being away thing, being together again is the best feeling ever.

[atopfourthwall]

Tbh you lament what people say about you and bemoan "harrassment and bullying". Yet you told RLM to "eat a bag of dicks" unprompted. You said Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them!". You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out, or for giving you simple, solid advice like below. You say youve calmed down in reviews yet still yell at the comic creators over minor stuff. The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison.

Okay, first of all I did not tell RLM to "eat a big of dicks" unprompted. What I said was "Eat a dick, jackass" while talking about the Plinkett Reviews in regards to how parts of them have not aged well, in particular the line that I felt was a bit racist - "Black people don't like Star Wars" (to be clear - I don't think anyone at RLM is racist [AFAIK]. The remark itself feels like it is, though, but that's also emblematic of edgier, wince-inducing internet humor from the time - we're all guilty of awful jokes like this to some degree, myself included). Now I ended up removing this line from the Star Wars Prequel reviews compilation because I realized it was needlessly inflammatory towards them and some perceived it as me attempting to star a beef with them… when of course I don't want to start a beef with ANYONE, much less someone much, MUCH more popular than me.

And no, I did not say Oneyplays "Are assholes, fuck them" (unless I said this on Twitter a long while ago). I'm assuming this is in reference to a part of the Fallout: New Vegas streams. Someone in the superchats asked a question relating to them and my other guests didn't know who they are. I proceeded to spend all of 40 seconds calmly explaining (though admittedly with a bit of light irritation) "They're other streamers, one of whom apparently does a GREAT impression of me. They're also responsible for popularizing calling me Lightbringer, soooo… screw 'em." That was it. But apparently "screw 'em" was TOO MUCH for a lot of people, because I got flooded with hate from that - videos made about how I was "TRIGGERED!" and "HAD A MELTDOWN!" Because that was one of the first public times I ever talked about how I wasn't okay with the nickname. We'll circle back around to this in a minute.

"You'll constantly lecture your own fans, angrily yelling at them for asking when new Power Rangers are out-" Aaand right there you prove that you don't actually watch my stuff. You're just repeating the same garbage from people who ALSO don't watch my stuff, but assume I have not changed at all, that I am the same person forever whose opinions don't change, whose attitude doesn't change, never gets better, etc.

Because I haven't been angry at people asking when the next History of Power Rangers is out in ALMOST TEN YEARS.

And the reason I know that number in particular is because I started my Patreon in 2014. The question annoyed me so much because I didn't have an answer for them and it seemed like they didn't care about anything else I did. But then I started my Patreon and one of the Milestone goals was actual release dates for HOPR. And thus since then I've been able to answer when new ones are coming out.

You want to know how NOT angry I am about the question I am now? I put it on t-shirts.

You can buy them at https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr?product=2 and https://atop-the-fourth-wall.creator-spring.com/listing/when-is-hopr-03?product=2 (I was going to post pictures of them but Tumblr keeps breaking when I try). There's a third one, but I don't think I put that one back up because it was intended for Shark Robot where colors are limited and it didn't do very well.

But this is a thing that's brought up by people who hate me - my irritation at the question as if it was still something that bothered me because, again, they cannot conceive that maybe I've changed. No, I am cringe forever and there is nothing I can say or do that will satisfy them.

But no, I "lecture people constantly" evidently. People say I'm obsessed about this topic, about the bullying, that I just talk about it soooo much and I can't move on from it and it haunts my every waking moment and that such "simple, solid advice" like "Be okay with being bullied" is met with unreasonable hostility and my mind fixated on it constantly.

Unless of course you actually look at what I post, what I reblog, what I tweet about and then you discover "Oh, he actually only talks about it when people bring it up to him. He only made that thread because he said the harassment is starting to rise up again and that was days and days ago and hasn't said anything about it since. In fact, on this very Tumblr he's only bringing it up again because somebody ELSE is bringing it up, allowing him a chance to further break down why asshole behavior is still asshole behavior.

So let's bring this back to the "screw 'em" thing. You'll notice that in none of these longer rambling statements I've made have I brought them up. Sure, in that 40 seconds during the stream I did… but that was in the middle of the first wave of it where it really WAS affecting me psychologically hard… and I have not talked about them on stream since then. I don't talk about them in these threads. I don't tell my fans to harass them. I don't make up some nickname for them or mock them or do anything other than maybe some frustration at them during the thread a few years ago (and I am explicitly telling my fans not do so - if you want to be an asshole to them, you can fuck off from my fans). Because I don't WANT to talk about them. They can do whatever the hell they want on their streams. They can call me Lightbringer there, make weird memes about me. It's THEIR space to do with as they please.

The problem is entirely that their fans come to MY space to be assholes. To repeat those memes, to bully me and call me the name. Some do it innocently, thinking I'm okay with it (which, again - is who that thread was directed towards)… but there are others who are being assholes about it. And I'm going to call them assholes about it and block them. And I'm still not going to talk about Oney because I don't want to - they're not the ones who are spamming Lightbringer in my chat or comments or trying to find some way of sneaking it into the comments past my comment filters to try to get a gotcha on me. Hell, I've gotten some people who have said they discovered me and love my stuff now BECAUSE Oney talked about me.

And I'd really like to know which recent review you saw where I was specifically attacking creators in the manner you seem to think I did. Because being angry at a plot point or a narrative decision is not the same thing as attacking a creator. I'll freely tell you about the ones I HAVE specifically called out for shittiness - the racist, the homophobic, the sexual harassers, the transphobic, the one that spread misinformation, or just the greedy assholes. But just looking at the list of the last 50+ episodes I've done that maybe… once or twice? And even despite ALL those horrible things, I STILL tell my fans to leave them alone - to not start fights with them, to not send my videos to them, etc. Because I don't want my fans to be bullies, either.

I will end this with one final thing: "The comments you complain about getting seem tame in comparison." Yeah, well, that's because you're you and I'm me. Something that seems innocuous to one person may be deeply triggering for someone else. Something that seems like an innocent joke might actually be really fucking with someone mentally, as it was for me. And that's why I've tried to tell people "Hey, please don't do that." Maybe I do it aggressively. But sometimes that's the only way people will listen. If people are still doing it even after I've expressed how much it harms me - telling me that I should just "get over it" or "let them do it and respond with a laugh" even though I keep saying it DOES affect me, then those people are assholes and I don't see why I should give them the time of day.

Hopefully this lengthy response (I really am a windbag) helps people understand or it clears up some bullshit. And if it's still not good enough for you, then nothing less than complete capitulation to being called Lightbringer is the only thing that will satisfy you… well, fuck off.