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themculibrary · 3 years

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Sam/Bucky Masterlist (4)

part one, part two, part three

5 Times Bucky Fell And Sam Caught Him (ao3) - annhamilton Rating: General

Summary: ....plus the one time he didn't.

And If I Could Stop The Clocks (Make This Moment Mine) (ao3) - geckoholic Rating: Explicit

Summary: Caught in a snowstorm after a botched mission, Bucky and Sam find shelter in an abandoned farm house and proceed to make the most out of a shitty situation.

at the end of the war (what's mine is yours) (ao3) - notcaycepollard Rating: Mature

Summary: They don't talk about it: that's how it works.

can't get home on your own (ao3) - mercaque Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Turns out, being seated next to this asshole on the flight from Chicago to D.C. might be one of the best things ever to happen to him.

gator around the warm beds of beginners (ao3) - napricot

Summary: “What no one told you about miraculously coming back from the dead was how it was a total goddamn shitshow. Because yeah, Sam was alive, and yeah, the apocalypse had been averted, sort of—he wasn’t clear on if it counted when the apocalypse had still happened but all the people who’d died came back. But at his last count, Sam had lost: five years, two best friends, a home and/or place to live, practically all of his stuff, and—okay, this one wasn’t so bad—his fugitive status. Sam had gained: Captain America’s shield and Bucky.”

How Sam and Bucky get by, after Thanos is defeated. Or: the story of how two idiots become roommates, partners, friends with benefits, and maybe something more, if they could just stop being so oblivious, while they wait to find out if their Steve’s ever coming back from his trip through time.

ghosts that we knew (ao3) - wilsonsnest Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Sam (reluctantly) agrees to do a commission for Steve's rich but extremely reclusive friend, James Barnes.

Sam just stared at the other man, the feeling of being watched suddenly overcoming him. God, what kind of weirdo didn’t even come to greet their guests? It was one thing to be a rich recluse, but another thing to just completely ignore people wandering around your house.

“Steve, this is really weird.” Sam stressed. “This isn’t weird to you?”

Hairpin Turns (ao3) - CocoBadShip Rating: Mature

Summary: AKA 5 Times Sam Wilson Didn’t Realize Bucky Barnes Was In Love With Him (+ 1 Time He Did)

If You're Reading This (ao3) - keire_ke, thisiswhatthewatergaveme Rating: Mature

Summary: Bucky comes in from the cold and stumbles into...

A) an okay life. B) a tenuous friendship. C) something more. D) a wedding. E) All of the above.

Most days, happiness feels like a test. But he's trying, and trying to try, and that might make a difference.

I'll explain everything to the geese (ao3) - napricot Rating: Explicit

Summary: Bucky is so competent that it hurts my feelings is not a rational complaint to have about a person, and yet, after a year of being Captain America and partnering up with Bucky for the new and improved, post-Blip Avengers, that’s kinda how Sam’s feeling.

It’s not great. It maybe leads to Sam making some rash, ill-advised decisions like claiming he has a previously undisclosed superpower, and then getting caught in a web of lies when he ends up actually developing that surprisingly inconvenient superpower. Talking to birds had seemed like a harmless superpower, but it turns out that birds have a lot of opinions, and they don’t hesitate to tell Sam about them, especially when it comes to his supposedly subpar courting skills. Which is ridiculous, because Sam isn’t courting Bucky. Right?

it’s in the weight he does not carry (ao3) - Akaihyou, HeyBoy, Someone_aka_Me Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Wherein Bucky is jealous of himself, the other Bucky is very confused, and Sam is frequently exasperated. Featuring time travel, kidnappings, and way too much discussion of destiny, love, and the self.

minor inconveniences (ao3) - tennou Rating: Explicit

Summary: Bucky and Steve swap bodies while on a mission. Things are understandably strange for Sam when his partner (Bucky, now in Steve’s body) tries to be affectionate with him.

not an end, but (the start of all things) (ao3) - notcaycepollard Rating: Mature

Summary: They keep driving, for lack of anything better to do. A mission, Sam had said, and maybe that's true; maybe wherever they're headed is the way out, the way up.

nothing like a princess (ao3) - napricot Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Sam Wilson's fugitive life, post-Accords: taking refuge in a kingdom that might as well have been magical, in a sprawling palace set against beautiful mountains and jungles, where there was a handsome man cursed and trapped in a deathly sleep in a glass coffin, and a kind and just king who was working to heal him, and a stalwart warrior from a far-off time who wouldn't leave his cursed friend, and, hell, Sam even knew a witch. Surely Sam could be forgiven if his thoughts turned to fairy tales and Disney movies.

Bucky's kind of like a Disney princess. Sam would maybe like to be Prince Charming.

playing by the rules (ao3) - wilsonsnest Rating: Explicit

Summary: “We’re on a mission.” Sam started again, his mouth feeling dry. He had never felt so awkward in his own skin as he did now.

“Hmm.” Bucky grunted, a non-answer before he picked up the remote and flicked the television on, leaning back against the pillows.

“Bucky, you gotta help me out here. If something happens--”

“Sam.” Bucky said sharply. His eyes cutting away from the tv fix him with a hard stare. “You’ve got two options. I’m not gonna decide for you, because you're a grown man and know what’ll happen either way. Make a decision.”

surprise (ao3) - ragnarokdad Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Sam finds a picture of Bucky in his 1940's uniform, and discovers that he looks really, really good in it.

taking shots (ao3) - wilsonsnest Rating: General

Summary: Sam learns three things about Bucky - he can keep a secret, he might be a genius and he knows how to take some good shots.

Talk to Me (ao3) - bioloyg Rating: Teen And Up

Summary: Sam finds himself hurt after a mission. Badly. But, when he gets back it seems he isn't the only one walking around with some bruises.

The Lion Sleeps Tonight (ao3) - prettylittlementirosa Rating: Mature

Summary: Sam’s too cold to be embarrassed by how quickly he scrambles to get in there. It’s a tight fit, getting two grown men into one regular sized sleeping bag, but they make it work. Bucky shifts this way, Sam slithers that way. Bucky pulls Sam flush against his chest, Sam tries not to dwell on it. Bucky breathes hot air onto Sam’s exposed neck, Sam tucks his ice-cold toes in between Bucky’s legs. Bucky sighs contentedly, Sam wills his dick into submission.

(Or 5 times Sam and Bucky are forced to share a bed + 1 time they choose to.)

The Promise Ring (ao3) - OriginalCeenote Rating: Mature

Summary: “It’s my turn with the scanning gun. Give it here.” Sam made grabby hands for it, but Bucky snatched it back with a chiding look.

“Only if I get to register for the Snuggie.”

Sam’s expression flattened. “Barnes. No.”

under the light of a thousand stars (ao3) - glittercake Rating: Mature

Summary: “Hey… Hey Sam.” Sam squints at him and groans, “There’s a cafe up the road, I’m gonna get us some breakfast.”

Sam checks his phone, “It’s six... In the morning, Barnes. What the fuck, man?”

Bucky frowns at him, “So?”

“We’re at a bed-and-breakfast. And I know you’re still grasping the 21st century and all, but this implies that they give you a bed and a breakfast.” Sam whips the covers open, almost smiles when he looks Bucky up and down were it not for him trying to act serious, “Plus… were you just gon’ go out in your Wakanda print jammies?"

#themculibrary #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #mcu #marvel #masterlists #m/m #sambucky masterlist

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lucemferto · 3 years

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Look i know c!Quackity is gonna lose a life. I feel it in my bones and I've accepted it. But if they blow up or destroy Las Nevadas and c!Techno is the one to kill him I'm honestly gonna have issues. Make it c!Purpled, or c!Fundy, or one of his fiance's if you want it to be angsty! But if c!Techno or c!Dream kill him? I'm gonna need to take a break from the fandom honestly.

The thing is that - structurally - any one of those could work. You just need to build it up properly. That being said, just because something is structurally sound doesn't mean that you have to like it.

Personally, I would like Technoblade defeats Quackity the least, because I'm already over the power fantasy-schtick and we already had that in Season 2. You had the chance to resolve that tension back then and you botched it during Doomsday.

Dream, though, if they don't go full redemption arc and instead it becomes more a deal of mutually dealt destruction, I could vibe with that. Like, Las Nevadas is crumbling around them, TNT is going off and Dream kills Quackity, before himself dying in the destruction. That could be kinda cool and a nice way of showing that the cycle of revenge is ultimately (self-)destructive.

I'm, of course, the most partial to one of Quackity's "victims" (Purpled, Fundy, Foolish, I would even argue Charlie) to deal him his defeat, though - because I like my heroes more traditionally - I wouldn't want them to kill him, but just dismantle his operation.

Honestly, I see it going down a synthesis-route, where a more traditionally heroic figure puts an end to Quackity's rise to power and then another, more morally grey character kills him. I could see that happening.

(Also, I hope they're destroying Las Nevadas, because that would be thematically appropriate, but also they've yet to touch any of lavish builds, so who knows if they're gonna go through with that. I hope, though.)

#dream smp #dsmp #dsmpblr #dreamsmp #dream smp analysis #dsmp analysis #quackity #dsmp quackity #dream #dreamwastaken #dsmp dream #dsmp dreamwastaken #purpled #dsmp purpled #fundy #dsmp fundy #slimecicle #dsmp slimecicle #las nevadas

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fear-before-valor · 3 years

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AU Ficlet: Jim, who was raised by the Order from the age of five, attends Arcadia Oaks High, for his first day of human high school. Weird things happen in Arcadia, though, and his appearance seems to be one such weird thing to the residents in this small, strange town...

Aka: How an Order-raised Jim met Toby and Claire

Words: 2939 II Warnings: none II ok to rb --

Jim dropped his backpack at the empty desk next to one Tobias Domzalski’s, one of the only people at school who’d been properly friendly to him so far. It was Jim’s first day of mortal high school, and he’d been vetted mercilessly by every student group but Tobias’s, though he was beginning to suspect that said group consisted of only Tobias.

Of course, Jim had been screening his peers right back, but it was still exhausting. He thought he’d been ready after the Order’s… extensive lessons on humanity, and how to fit in with the mortals like himself, but already, everything he’d done felt like it must have been a social faux pas of some kind.

Act quiet around the quiet kids? Then no one speaks, until the silence grows so long that it’s awkward, and starting up a conversation makes it feel painfully forced. So, okay, maybe find some louder kids and try to blend in with them. Except, they start to grow obnoxious, and at some point, the headache simply stops being worth it.

Jim wasn’t even going to dare try and bond with the overly studious; he wasn’t here to vie for valedictorian, nor was he all that interested in making grades that separated him from the pack. Not to mention, he much preferred whatever lessons the Order could teach him anyway. They were very practical things, going over philosophy, strategy, combat, computations. He was already conversational in Bellroc and Skrael’s original languages, and though he knew Spanish would be equally valuable, the Spanish teacher seemed… intense, in a way that Bellroc and Skrael, who could likewise be rigorous sometimes, were not.

In fact, the only class he was indeed eager to take was history—and, okay, perhaps physical education didn’t sound horrendous, so long as he was careful about holding back in certain areas—because while he could learn plenty of history from his very ancient guardians, to hear of human history from the mouths of humans, like himself… it sounded unique, in a way that he hoped was amenable, at the very least, if not genuinely interesting or entertaining.

As he sat down in the chair beside Tobias, the boy seemed to light up, beaming over at Jim, a reaction that he hadn’t expected from his peer. He’d thought he’d rather botched his first conversation with Tobias in homeroom that morning, as he hadn’t known anything about anything that Tobias had referenced (what on earth was Gun Robot?). But, evidently, he must have done something well—or at least, acceptably— because Tobias was leaning over and excitedly holding out his hand to show Jim something which clattered in his palm as he moved. Politely, Jim glanced over to see what it was, and—oh.

Oh no.

That was definitely the remains of a troll.

Tobias was holding out small, grey pebbles for him to see, on which Jim could just make out hints of tattoos that had been etched into the troll while they were alive.

Holding back his mild panic, he gave a tight smile and a nod, as his classmate diagnosed them incorrectly as gneiss—which, admittedly, Jim thought wasn’t a bad guess, really. It’s not like the other boy had any reason to think that the rocks he was holding were anything but an average metamorphic stone.

Tobias was looking to Jim for a response, though, so he opened his mouth to speak, breathing in—

—magic.

Jim froze once more. The distinct tingle of magic had just washed over his senses, keen and undeniable, unlike anything else he’d felt that day.

It was raw, underdeveloped, not yet bolstered by the right teacher, but it was there, and it spoke in tones of purple, pulsing with potential.

Jim was no wizard himself, much preferring combat to the arcane arts, having not a strong penchant for it or its intricacies and delicate, temperamental nature, but even still, he’d been raised with the three most powerful magic-users in the known world. They’d taught him from youth how to recognize when magic was present, how to glean as many clues as he possibly could about it, or who might have cast it, might be walking in it, based on its style and scent, its intensity, or its intentionality. He wasn’t quite the best at sensing the finer details, nor could he find it when it was masked, but when it was open, unhidden, he could feel it like a mild electric shock that one might get when touching a door handle in dry weather; he could sense it like the faint scent of ozone during a storm, or like a prickle on the hairs on the back of his neck, when lightning was about to strike.

What’s going on? He thought, as he turned his head in the direction of the epicenter of the magic. First, there’s troll remains in the hands of a classmate with the same schedule as him, and then there’s—the girl, there. The girl with the blue streak in her hair.

The witch.

She’d caught him staring, as she set her books down on a desk in the front row, a couple columns over from his. Beside her plopped down two more girls—her friends, Jim noted, as they chattered familiarly, cheerfully.

The girl gave him an awkward smile, then, and Jim realized that he must have been staring for a few moments too long, so he rapidly flicked his eyes back to the surface of his own desk, trying not to think about the flush he could feel splash across the back of his neck, or the tips of his ears.

Tobias did not grant him such grace.

“Ooh,” he grinned, smug as a cat in a sunbeam. “That’s Claire Nuñez. President of the drama club, valedictorian candidate, great actress. She’s tied with Seamus Johnson and Shannon Longhannon for top of the class right now, I heard. She’s wicked smart, and—Jim?” Tobias huffed, “Are you paying attention to me?”

Jim’s eyes darted back to his new friend, from where they’d been briefly studying Claire Nuñez’s back, trying to get a more in-depth read on her arcana. He nodded distractedly. “Yeah, yeah, smart, a president; I heard you.”

Tobias sighed, shaking his head. “Jim.”

Jim raised an eyebrow, indicating that he was listening.

“She’s out of your league.” He deadpanned. “She’s super popular, and you’re, no offense, definitely not.”

Jim shot Tobias a confused look, brow furrowing. “What do you mean?”

The boy stared openly at Jim. “What do you mean, ‘what do you mean’? Do you really not— Oh my god.”

Jim blinked. “What?”

Tobias shook his head. “Jim, you’ve kinda… scared a lot of the people in our class today. They don’t know what to think about you. You’re like a giant question mark! No one even knows where you came from—”

“Ohio.” Jim recited his cover story, which Skrael had helped him pick the night previous. They’d chosen a city that started with a c… right. “Columbus, Ohio.”

Tobias shot him a deadpan look. “Okay, fine, Jim Lake from Columbus, Ohio. Why’d you suddenly move to Arcadia, then? Why not L.A.? Why not Burbank?”

Jim frowned. “Do you interrogate every newcomer like this? My parents got a good job opportunity here.” He held up one hand, “And before you ask—real estate.”

“Oh yeah? How come I haven’t seen them put up ads, then?” Tobias crossed his arms. “I’m just saying, dude; I think you’re cool, but you freak a lot of people out with that brooding, silent thing you do.”

Jim snorted. “I do what?”

“Y’know—”

“No, I don’t know—”

“You act, like, all silent and mysterious when people try to talk to you.” Tobias shrugged. “I don’t think it’s a bad thing, but some people don’t seem as ready to brush it off as me. I’m only telling you so that you can make more friends here.”

“Well, I have you, don’t I?” Jim’s head canted.

Tobias blinked, floundering at that. “Well—y…yeah, I guess so, but—”

“I mean, we are friends, aren’t we?”

It was Tobias’s turn to go a bit pink, shaking his head in bewilderment. “If you want, yeah, but—”

“Then there we go. I have a friend.” Jim smiled.

Tobias tried to protest, “But—” only to find himself cut off as Mr. Strickler strode into the classroom at that moment, placing a leather briefcase on his desk with a decisive thump. Cacophonous voices incrementally petered out, as attentive heads turned to the front of the classroom, where Mr. Strickler had pulled out a stack of syllabi, handing them to the student nearest the door, with the instructions to “take one and pass them,” spoken precisely to the class.

Tobias looked like he wanted to say something when Strickler turned his back to write his name on the chalkboard, but Jim shushed him from the corner of his mouth, opening a fresh, blank notebook as he did so. This was the only class he’d bothered to buy a separate notebook for, and, to be frank, was the only class he’d even intended to take notes in at all.

Tobias looked chagrined, but not angry, as he rolled his eyes and went to fetch a pencil from his own bag. Might as well have something to do with his idle hands for the next hour.

—

As his first day was winding to close, Jim had to admit, having a friend at school did end up making it a little easier.

The rest of his time there had passed largely unremarkably, since a rather thrilling start to the history curriculum. Jim’s hand had shot up just as much as the apparent reigning top of the sophomore class, one Miss Claire Nuñez’s, had— a fact which had, according to Tobias, already begun to percolate across campus.

The lesson had only briefly covered the basics of ancient Rome, going over a bit of easy, more widely known trivia, to see what the class already knew about their oncoming first unit, but, nonetheless, Jim had been eager to jump in, to talk almost directly to Mr. Strickler, going back and forth in the form of a discussion. He’d spoken quietly, quickly, and he’d felt the eyes of his peers glued to his desk, but had ignored the sensation altogether, in favor of listening to what his teacher had to say about aqueducts, instead.

When the hour had finally come to an end, in fact, he’d packed up slowly, most of his classmates abandoning the room as quickly as they could—the lunch period was about to begin—though Tobias was kind enough to wait for him. As such, Tobias was the only other person present to hear Mr. Strickler stop Jim after class, paying a brief compliment to his performance that day, and accompanying his words with a poster for the history club. Jim didn’t think his furtive smile had gone entirely missed by the teacher, but as they’d exited into the now mostly empty hallway, he forgot to worry about it further, as Tobias wasted no time in asking him how the heck his new friend knew so much about history already?

Jim had shrugged it off, saying that it was his favorite subject; and besides, didn’t Tobias— “Seriously, dude, it’s Toby, by the way”— know more about geology than anyone else in their class? The compliment had made Tobias—Toby— preen, and he’d promptly dropped the topic, instead launching into an enthusiastic lecture meant to coach Jim through the cafeteria process. Jim, who had tried to jump in to say that he’d heard this at orientation the week prior, but Toby had shot him an appalled look at that, swiftly informing him that orientation did nothing to help the social side of things. Sure, he knew the motions, but did he know how to do them without standing out in the crowd? Absolutely not—in fact, the thought was almost laughable, according to Toby.

So, Jim had grinned, followed Toby’s lead, and had just barely survived the ever-important lunch line waltz.

The rest of the day had passed mostly the same way, in the end. Toby, having warmed up to Jim, took him through the whole rest of the day, guiding him through the intricacies of Arcadia Oaks High, and by the time the final bell was ringing, Jim almost felt like a normal student. Some of his peers had even started waving to him in the hallways; he’d broken the ice, after all.

Well. He’d thought so, until Toby had said goodbye, peddling away on his bike toward home, leaving Jim alone in the courtyard by the bustling lockers, surrounded by students eager to either go home, as Toby had, or to dive into after-school clubs and sports.

Jim opted to take his time, though, to enjoy the Southern California sun, as he strolled casually across the campus, toward the front of the school grounds.

As he rounded the corner, though, intending to head toward the Arcadia Oaks sign, where he’d stop and shoot off a text to the Order that his first day had gone well, and that he’d be home soon, he felt a tap on his shoulder, instead, and heard a throat being cleared behind him.

He knew who it was before he even turned to face her; her magic had given her away as soon as she’d reached a hand for him.

Despite this, Jim whirled as if she’d caught him by surprise, schooling his features into something startled but friendly, relaxing his shoulders as a polite smile crossed his face, upon seeing her. “Oh, hey. Sorry, I wasn’t expecting—” he rethought his words, shaking his head. “Never mind. …It’s, ‘Claire,’ right?”

She nodded, returning his smile. “Yeah! And you’re ‘Jim Lake’, hm?”

Something about the way she asked that question sent up a warning bell in the back of Jim’s mind, but he tried not to look unsettled; it was probably just nerves.

“Yup; just Jim is fine, though.” He added with a casual laugh.

Claire tilted her head, continuing. “So, you’re quite the history buff, huh?”

Jim’s hands dropped to his pockets, as he glanced at his shoes, then back up to her. “Uh, yeah, I guess so.”

“You guess?” She teased. “You were on fire in class today.” She lifted her chin, to look at him head on. “Do I need to worry about you unseating me, Jim Lake from Columbus, Ohio?”

Jim snorted, shaking his head. “No, no; it’s not like that. History’s just a hobby.”

“Pretty intense hobby, if you know half as much as you seem like you do.” She raised an eyebrow at him.

Jim grinned. “Intense? Like being the president of drama club, the vice president of debate, and the supposed shoe-in for the lead in the play this fall?” he recited, much to Claire’s surprise, who shot him an impressed look.

“Huh. You sure do pay attention, don’t you?”

He glanced around, making it a leisurely movement, concealing the way he was searching for anyone who could overhear, before his eyes met hers again, as he said, “Only to certain people.”

Claire blinked, cheeks reddening, mistaking his meaning. “Oh, yeah? What kinds of people?”

Jim rolled the dice. “Well, people who seem nice, or kind, who I could make friends with. People who do things I wanna do, too, so I can have an ‘in’. Like clubs, and things.” he clarified.

“And, uh…” his voice grew hushed, “Magic-users in the human world.”

Claire’s face fell. “What was that last one?” Her nose scrunched with the skeptical look that overtook her features.

Jim’s eyes darted to look for an exit, realizing coldly—fearfully— that he had grossly miscalculated.

“Uh…” Stupid. He chided himself. Think of a lie before you go backing yourself into a corner. Skrael would be disappointed in him if he were here.

“Did you just say ‘the human world’ like you… aren’t human?” She stared at him suspiciously.

Jim blinked. “What? No. I’m human. Of course I’m human.” He gave a strained laugh. “What else would I be?”

“…Someone who thinks they aren’t?” Claire’s brow furrowed.

“It was a rhetor- well. I mean, I guess that’s true. But I’m not!” He smiled weakly, and then froze for a split-second, rapidly adding, “Someone who thinks they aren’t human! I know I’m human!”

Claire’s eyes shot to the street, where, to her poorly hidden relief, her dad had just pulled up to the curb, there to pick her up. “…Right. Well, Jim Lake from Cleveland, Ohio, my dad’s here, so I need to go, but this has been… interesting.”

Jim nodded rapidly, shooting her one more smile— a sheepish, apologetic one— as he gave her a shy wave. “…Yeah.”

Claire hoisted her backpack onto one shoulder, giving him a half-hearted wave back. “…Bye, Jim.”

“Bye, Claire.”

As she turned to leave, Jim frowned to himself. He wasn’t sure why, but something felt wrong. He supposed it could have been the awkward manner in which he’d acted, but in a flash, he decided that wanted to see her again, just in case that wasn’t it. He couldn’t be too careful.

So, before he missed his chance, he called after her retreating back, “See you around?”

Claire stopped, hand poised on the handle of the passenger side door, freezing there for a heart-pounding pause.

Then, she shot him a look over her shoulder, one of interest, meeting his eyes deliberately. Jim got the sense that he should heed it carefully.

“Yeah. See you around, Jim.”

#(why yes I did mean to have claire say 'cleveland' the second time)#hopefully the next fic in this is how jim becomes the trollhunter but!! for now I hope y'all like this piece!#i may make an au introduction post as well but brain tired from editing so that'll come soon!#trollhunters au #trollhunters fic #trollhunters fanfic #jim lake jr #the arcane order #toa #toa fic #toa au #ok to rb

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scrawnytreedemon · 3 years

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Shit I’ve Been Winding Up For A Long Time Now But Am Very Aware Will Probably Hold No Relevance Should I Actually Go Into This More--

This is about Bhunivelze.

You know, when I was chilling out, on my bed, that evening on that half term in early June, deciding to check up on ClementJ64′s FF retrospective because-- Hey! It’s been awhile, I wonder if he’s got around to doing the final bit of the FFXIII saga --You know, I was there, chilling, just for a laff. Just a laff.

The rest of that week was spent spiralling into a hyperfixation I absolutely did not anticipate in any way, shape, or form, because the way they introduced that character was “wwhdhfjjhHJDFJKHKJHW H A T??”

That retrospective and a good amount of wiki-scrounging is all I have as a basis for this. This is not a coherent character analysis-- Though I might tag it as that for ease of access. This is not, by any means, the thoughts of someone deeply familiar with FFXIII on the whole beyond plot synopses and overarching themes.

I don’t think I’m brave enough for that.

Reading the vast yet surface-deep lore on those wiki pages on my birthday while in a delirious state of mind was enough to make me somewhat nauseous.

Do you think I’m going to go through all of that in real time?

(Someday, someday.)

Ugh, I don’t know how to begin, but let us, I guess. I’d recommend you read this church-mime-demiurge’s FF Wiki page if you want the same level of base-knowledge I had, and maybe the aformentioned retrospective if you want the experience, because I don’t think I have the wherewithal to get into all of that from the bottom-up.

I am also, so, so fucking sorry for any remaining FFXIII fans in advance. There is like, a good chance I may be butchering the characterisation completely, so bear with me here.

With that... we begin?

Where do we even start with this guy?

How on earth to you begin to explain the absolute monolith you’ve constructed from crumbs of a Guy, some material no doubt spliced in from the Pale King, Sephiroth, y o u r o w n G o d O C and other characters, and the mountains of religious trauma you carry around at all times that is probably the only reason you’ve been able to latch on as hard as you did?

I’m going to try.

What gets me, in summary, about Bhunivelze is how he’s a prime example of how love and concern can become deadly forces if in the wrong hands. His first acquainting with human emotion was by deceiving and possessing Hope, reverting his body to a teenage state, and planning to live among humanity through him. He sees human sorrow and suffering, and decides that, to End This(because it must be ended, you see) he’s going to destroy all the souls of the deceased that make up the Chaos that’s been eating this world for the past five-hundred years so they all forget and Are Happy. :).

Capital G God here hasn’t been present for the vast part of human history because he’s hidden himself away from Everything due to paranoia from killing his own mother and throwing her body into the Cosmic Basement, THEN creating the beings that would come to create humanity and OTHER beings because he didn’t have the keys to the cosmic basement. And also he believes death is a thing because she’d’ve somehow cursed all things to pass(including him) out of Spite.

Which explains why he’s so fucking averse to it and anything to do with it.

Bhunivelze, to put it lightly, is Shit at stepping into others’ shoes and Getting their experiences-- All the FalCie in FFXIII are, but him especially. It’s clear(again, in the f u c k i n g JP--) that he makes attempts to sympathise with them and does what he can to help, but it’s with such a loftiness and a complete inability to Understand why anyone would want grief, The Worst Fucking Experience In Existence, and even less why they’d be willing to Go Up Against Him And HisThe New Perfect World just for it-- And what would it matter, anyway, forgetting their loved ones. It’s not like you can grieve lost memories, right?

Right.

It reminds me of when at the end of the story of Job in the Bible, where, after putting this man through hell on earth, God rewards Job by giving him ten new children to make up for the ones that he lost. I. And that��s fucked! Nothing can replace the sheer uniqueness of each individual person you loved so dearly! But if you were a nigh-omnipotent deity high and mighty, with a cursory, almost mechanical knowledge on the functionings of the human psyche, that would seem adequete; enough.

Bhunivelze is doing that on a cosmic level.

I now want to get onto the romance: that being, his affections for Lightning. I don’t know how much I’m going to say, but it’ll probably be alot. It’s something that hits very close to home.

There is this... thing, within certain branches of Christianity, perhaps even in those of various Abrahamic faiths, where God’s love is posited to be the love-- The ultimate, most-fulfilling, all-encompassing love you could ever imagine --Because, well, he is love, so the story goes, and so often the best way to convey that is through the imagery of...

Marriage.

Giving up yourself so completely, to serve, to be the Bride; to be bound by him for all eternity; and for there to be no higher bliss than this.

This angle is pushed on young girls and women the most; from the mere parallels to the woman’s role in marriage, all the way down to downright-horrifying ultra-Evangelical purity pacts. With men, God is your dad, your best bud and confidant, your boss, your king, your this, your that, and the ‘marriage‘ as it were is relegated to a sort of half-thought; a metaphor.

For me, God was an attempt at all that, and my arranged groom.

(It was almost incestuous; was incestuous, that my own Divine Father would reach for my hand in marriage.)

Bhunivelze experiences Emotions™ for the first time through Hope, experiences Hope’s sheer overwhelming admiration for Lighting(whether there were any baby-crush feelings mixed in, I can’t say), and promptly falls into a nigh-romantic obsession with Lightning, deciding that she will be Etro(his all-but daughter)’s replacement, will be his Goddess of Death to-be-- He even calls her as such, before the final boss-battle--

...In the JP.

What happened in localisation, probably due to a number of factors, all the way back in early 2014, was that everything emotionally challenging about Bhunivelze was scraped off, like it was extra fat, and tossed aside, leaving us with the bland, clichéd shell of a foe-god we’ve seen time and time again. And I mean everything. I mean his very love for humanity; the fact his ploy was, in his eyes, to save them. Because if they’d left that all on, then it would raise the question of even if there was such a seemingly pure, all-knowing, loving being hell-bent on setting things “straight,“ would they truly be unquestionable? Would we have the right to fight for our humanity in the face of the Creator of the Universe?

To reject a love so personal?

That’s what gets me about FFXIII’s tackling of God, no matter how hackneyed and poorly-executed. It’s personal.

It’s from a feminine experience.

I know that terming is... vague, and problematic, but the way Christianity and much of the video game industry handle femininity itself is weird and problematic, so as it stands, I’ll have to simplify it. Apologies.

What sets FFXIII’s Let’s Kill God™ plot aside from most JRPG Let’s Kill God™ plots is that with our protagonist being a woman, and one who is very in touch with her femininity alongside her sheer strength; often, in these stories, God is reduced to Yet Another Foe, expected or unexpected, and you are tasked with taking him down unquestioningly for the Good of Mankind-- You will fight God, because you are right to, and you will go man-to-man-to-however-many-men you decide to bring along for the bloodbath.

And that just, doesn’t speak to me.

Even as an Extian.

Especially as an Extian. And an AFAB one with a deeply complicated experience with my gender, at that.

Leaving Christianity was painful. Questioning God was painful. Coming to terms with the fact that I had been mentally, emotionally, and spiritually traumatised under the guise of All-Encompassing Love was so, so fucking painful. I had been taught since I was five years old to devote myself to him, spent my life desperate to feel something, anything, to stay connected because I just, I never could Feel It on a deeper level, never could Give Up Myself, all I was, couldn’t Die A Spiritual Death And Be Reborn As His Eager Vessel, thus deeming myself to be worthless and a broken vessel for years and years on end... And for all that to have been... Nothing.

Lightning is hollowed out, the shards of her dead sister ripped from her in-stasis, leaving her emotionally numb for the majority of the game, Bhunivelze sweeps it under the rug, pretends he’ll perform a miracle and return Serah to life in exchange for her compliance, then sends her on her way to do his work, all the while knowing he’s going to pull said-rug from under her and elevate her such dizzying heights in the aftermath--

That he’ll deny her humanity.

Sand down all the rough edges that make her her, and polish her up afterwards, gild her as he is gilded, make her a Goddess.

And he’ll do it all because he loves her.

You can’t fight God like you can everything else. To fight It is the fight Existence Itself; FFXIII even conveys that by making Bhunivelze’s model part of the arena; it’s baked into the fabric of the game, no matter how minute.

While Lightning Returns is far from perfect in its execution of this concept, and that in itself makes me wince, not even taking into account the horribly botched excuse for a localisation Bhunivelze endured, it speaks to me more than anything else I’ve seen so far.

And it’s helped uncover some things within me. Helped me untangle them, just a little more.

So, yeah. I have alot of Thoughts on Bhunivelze, I want to share them, and I’m kinda really sad I have no one but my currently-absent friend Vee to share them with. I could get into alot more, like his very Fucked relationship with familial bonds, and how Lightning’s role as saviour so deeply parallels the overwhelming panic and never-ending guilt of Evangelical proselytisation, but I think I’ll leave those for another time.

In short, Bhunivelze is the epitome of Divine Love gone deeply wrong; on all fronts.

And if all of that isn’t enough to intrigue you, then, in Vee’s words, Lightning and Velze are literally canon endgame Sefikura lmaOOOOOOOOOOOOOO--

#ffxiii #lightning returns #bhunivelze #analysis #scrawny speaks #scrawny rambles #this was written on and off over the course of a couple months #i know this will only get two notes #if even that #but fuck it i love this guy and i'm going to puke words for his sake #religion mention

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isdisorigionalenoughforyou · 4 years

Text

Super sexy aa7 ideas that will never happen

*puts on my clown shoes

Themes: “the worst times are when lawyers have to smile their brightest, but you can’t be a lawyer 24/7” “sometimes (esp now) the system is WRONG”

CASE 1

Klavier Gavin prosecutes, because society has progressed beyond needing Paynes

And if the widespread complaint is that he’s too nice, this position is perfect

Make a witty remark abt feeling demoted >:(

Athena and Trucy dream team girls

Murder took place at a theater/has something to do with acoustics, to ~fit the characters~

Maybe Lamiroir was there 👀

Phoenix is once again a witness, but hes less infuriating. But still fucking funny infuriating

He mentions his college degree, vaguely. Pressing him reveals nothing.

Also address that TRUCY AND KLAVIER PROBABLY HAVE SOME TRAUMA FROM MURDERS AT THEIR PERFORMANCES

Defend a rando

The twist: the murder only could’ve been committed by someone with superhuman hearing, so Athena’s senses are vital here!!

End: the culprit tries to psychologically fuck with everyone, but Athena stays strong, maybe uses some noise cancelling headphones, and corners the SHIT out of them

Also, there’s a new judge. A higher judge than your normal judge, who is a boomer. BOOMER JUDGE

Post-trial: a comment about all them missing Apollo…

CASE 2

Athena vs Franziska von Karma

Athena calls her out on the whipping if that’s still a thing

[Maybe Trucy is there again for extra spice,,,] but Solo Thena would be EPIC

NEW FRANZISKA DESIGN

Maybe we can bring Maya back here, but NOT ACCUSE HER FOR MURDER

Or accuse her at the scene but quickly disprove it

Idk also address her trauma

Wow this is turning into ATHENA CYKES- ACE THERAPIST

Put Simon there too because he’s hilarious

Maybe him and Maya are casually attending Comic-Con for the Steel Samurai panel

Defendant: some toxic celebrity with DRAMA

the twist: the murderer was targeting several high-profile ppl, but only killed like. A janitor instead. They aren’t found OR arrested, but you get a not guilty by… indicting their accomplice. And it HURTS but you have to or its your not-guilty kinda-a-dick client that gets guilty

New judge plays by the written rules, so u can’t ague ur case

Franziska is skeptical of the Accomplice’s guilt, but she lets the verdict go because your client is innocent.

Athena cries to Phoenix about how she feels like she fricked up b/c she empathizes with the accomplice but also everyone, Phoenix does his best dad comfort—this is the truth that’s allowed in the confines of their court system.

CASE 3

NARUMITSU DATE

Open with a call from Maya. She loudly thanks the god/the holy mother for this

MURDER!!! AT THE VENUE

Kay and Sebastian are there

GUMSHOEEEEE (OLDER SPRITE??? Higher salary?? Maggey too?)

Classic Wright vs Edgeworth

All the options are flirty

Everything is an innuendo

Trucy co-council is embarrassed by ur Old Man Flirting (NEW SPRITES)

Lampshade conflict of interest what with dating opposing council. Gloss over it completely

Phoenix’s college degree is vaguely mentioned to be helping him. This is Not elaborated on

The murder is some crazy shit that basically parodies the whole series

TWO SETS OF EVIL TWINS

3 cross poisonings and with INTERESTING results of chemicals mixing (Ema: 👀)

All the dying messages were faked

Handedness contradiction.

Some gross old guy appears, but you can punch him

The murder weapon goes from bloody knife with defendants fingerprints on it to glass shards of a broken bottle to an icicle to an overly spikey piece of hair

EXTRATERRITORIAL RIGHTS

For extra funnies: BOOMER JUDGE IS NOT USED TO THIS. They are the straight person of this comedy clown case.

For extra feels (the twist): Phoenix actually has an emotional breakdown on one of the investigation days. Maybe Trucy gets put at risk again, or something with poisoning, or even something with Kay or Seb (to show how much Phoenix cares, in general) and we address all the shit that he’s gone thru

Awkward comforting by miles

HUG SPRITE/ART

CASE 4

(shoves Klavier into Khura’in) GO FAKEGERMANBOY GO

Play as Apollo (khura’inese clothes sprites)

KLAVIER CO-COUNCIL (CASUAL SPRITES?? Put his hair up in a bun capcom im begging)

ADRESS AA4

Maybe at the end of one investigation, theres just. A heartfelt talk.

Ok ill make it heavy (b/c if its lighthearted these fuckos will never talk about their feelings)

LAMIROIR IS HERE TOO??

TRUCY ALSO- im sorry truce im shoving you everywhere because I want you to develop

maybe she and Klavier are like, performer bros

Apollo is happy that Trucy is but also feels alienated, like AA6 totally pulled him from his AA4 roots [COUGH]

CASUAL TRUCY SPRITE??? I would cry capcom

Nahyuta, Rayfa, and Apollo being awkward but trying (and mostly succeeding) siblings, Amara being a scary but p good queen momther

FRANZISKA INTERNATIONAL PROSECUTING??? Idk it’d be epic tho

She roasts Klavier so bad

Though he is very smart so she just roasts his terrible German

Resolve the Gramarye siblings here?

Include something with gender dysphoria to contrast how they butchered Robin Newman???

This is huge headcanon territory here tho

The Twist: realizing that this case cannot POSSIBLY be resolved in 3 fucking days. Also that Apollo is so backlogged that hes stressed and he probably needs help

Also someone tries to frame Klavier with his Gavinners-brand shoeprints

End: answer yes/no to Klavier working at Justice Law Offices. The choice affects his dialogue with Apollo in 7-5

CASE 5

Some fuckin. International level scandal

Elaborate on whatever the fuck “the phantom” was spying for? btw is the same that the culprits froms 7-2 and 7-4. maaybe 7-1?

And it involves MORE AUDITORIUMS

Open w/ calling Trucy, whos in the states. She mentions that Klavier casually got a Japanifornian defense attorney badge. Cue exasperation/fondness/incredulity (I promise this is relevant)

In Khura’in

Starts small- like a robbery, which leads to an attempt on Thalassa’s life. Again

Athena gets to therapy her

Then someone high-profile actually fucking dies

Athena (co-council Apollo) vs FINAL BOSS FRANZISKA

Lots of investigating with them

Talk about space center and grief

The twist: a person with low emotional output is framed, but they are innocent because LOWER EMOTIONAL REACTIONS DOESN’T MAKE YOU FUCKING EVIL

The other twist: Bring in 7-2 framed person for a character witness, show that they’re innocent. Athena is panicking because of Fear(?) so Apollo is determined to Do Something, and points out how this only happened because the system is Stupid and calls Klavier and Trucy

BECAUSE:

At the same time, there’s a stateside investigation. some botched, continued interreference at the Space Station

Klavier can pull an Edgeworth and investigate with Trucy

With parently narumitsu

Klavier talks about Apollo a lot, Trucy calls him out on it

Nahyuta is prosecuting this case

Depending on the relations between Klavier and Nahyuta established in 7-4, this will be hilarious or disastrous

Protective Yuty route: makes scathing comments about petty parts of Klavier- a petty-off

Teasing Yuty route: brings it up whenever Klavier talks about Apollo. Rlly funny banter. Klavier showing more human emotions sprites!!

Revisit the Space Center and get emo. Simon is here, arguing with Nahyuta

Because the cases go to trial simultaneously, the comment about the wrong conviction in 7-2 can be brought to the Japanifornian courts by Klavier and Trucy

They argue that Athena was forced to do that to spare an innocent and press HARD for legal reform

They call in Chief Prosecutor Edgeworth for reforms??

They also start a twitter war (that can be investigation minigame) and get public opinion up abt it

Yuty vouches for change, w/ khura’in as evidence

SO AA4 CAN GET KINDA RESOLVED!!

DUNK ON BOOMER JUDGE

BONUS: CASE 6: TURNABOUT CHILLOUT

Phoenix vs Franziska

Larry time

Scruffy time

Idk man. No more international stuff, just good old fashioned cleaning up ur shitty dad’s messes amiright

Resolve things with the Shelly card?

oldbag cameo but you file a restraining order

help trucy and pearls with college

TLDR: Athena actually tracks an international conspiracy that has weight, the AJ gang once again changes the system, Phoenix gets emotional resolution, Franziska helps international stuff AND gets emotional resolution, and i finally stop trying to throw hands with capcom.

#ace attorney #aa7 #athena cykes #franziska von karma #narumitsu #now that ive got my cheeseball tags out of the way!#*cries*#trucy wright #phoenix wright #miles edgeworth #klavier gavin #apollo justice #klapollo #kinda #and miles is in this even LESS than nick but i dont want phoenix tag to get lonely #oops accidental aj2 kinda

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blue-lions-baby · 4 years

Text

Scars That We Can’t Erase (Dimitri x F!Reader)

hi!! this fic was requested by an anon! i’m so sorry i realized too late that once i replied to the original request i can’t like reply to it anymore does that make sense i’ve been studying for six hours pLEASE i absolutely fell in love with the given prompt, and i hope my writing did it justice! here is the original request--

“Hi! Can i get some dimitri × fem reader in which dima literally adores the reader please? One time, the reader takes a grave hit for him in battle and he is a worried mess? He cant stop thinking about her, his training is sloppy because he cant concentrate, he feels awful. He even stays at the infirmary with her all day and night while she's unconscious, manuela has to force him to get some rest. He feels terrible and guilty when seeing the scar that the reader has (oh poor boi-) Thanks! Ilysm♡ “

i should also let you guys know that this fic (imo at least) is a bit more... intense, compared to my other ones. it does get rather lighthearted towards the end, so hopefully it kinda balances out ???

pre-timeskip and no spoilers!!

~*~

No...

No, no, no...

The last thing that Dimitri saw was your quivering, paling lips and your frame crumbling to the blood-soaked ground.

The last thing that Dimitri heard was Byleth’s cries for a healer and the way your name mangled out of his throat in a blood-curdling scream-- along with the sickeningly sweet cries of the bandit who struck you down as he stabbed, stabbed, stabbed the poor bastard’s soul out of his botched body.

The last thing Dimitri felt on his lips was blood. Blood from his tongue-- the pink, throbbing muscle oozing with red liquid-- or from the pulp of that bastard’s corpse, he did not know or care. The hauntingly warm liquid stained the corners of his lips and the core of his very soul as the deep holes and gashes he imprinted on the man’s body left ribbons of flesh hanging from visibly cracked bones, rendering him nearly unrecognizable as a human being.

“Dimitri! That’s enough!” A voice that sounded eerily similar to his professor’s wormed its way into his mind.

“How dare you lay a finger on her, you monster!”

“Your Highness, he’s already dead! Just leave him alone!” Cried a legion of voices, none holding familiarity to him.

“I will punish you for what you did! For what you did to (F/N)!”

It was his fault.

It was all his fault.

If only he saw that bandit rushing towards him.

If only he saw the glistening of the ruffian’s axe as he swung the sharpened slab of metal at him.

If only he heard you call out his name, a foreshadow to his bloody fate.

If only you didn’t jump in to save him.

If only he could have saved you.

Scenes of you falling before his very eyes kept replaying in his head, tearing open the fresh, guilt-induced wounds in his heart in a never-ending cycle. Something solid-- arms, perhaps-- grappled onto his pulsing, aching arms, which he shrugged off with ease. He wasn’t going to stop until that monster of a man suffered the consequences for hurting you. He wasn’t going to stop until that monster of a man paid his dues. He wasn’t going to stop--

Until he felt a gentle hold on his wrist.

Dimitri, snapping out of his blood-lusting reverie, paused instantly. He jerked his face to the small, shaking hand that just barely ghosted the surface of his gauntlet.

Your small, shaking hand.

“Dimitri...” A hand as beautiful as the one steadying his shaking wrist cupped his cheek, erasing the splatters of impurities that marred his smooth skin. “Please, stop...”

The fractured lance in his hand fell to the ground as its owner caught you in his arms, preventing you from suffering the same fate. Dimitri stumbled to his knees, fatigue and overexertion having finally caught up to him. Wheezing and hugging you as tightly as he could, he stroked your matted, sweaty, yet gorgeous locks with the gentleness of a lover. The delicate footsteps of Mercedes caught his attention and he looked up at his peer.

“Your Highness,” her eyes turned to you then back to him, “she’s going to be okay.”

Everything went black.

~*~

The carefree songs of swallows were the first to greet the groggy prince as he re-entered the world of consciousness. Although his hearing slowly came back to the awakened male, he just couldn’t will his eyelids to lift. And so he laid there, his ears the only channel to the bustling world around him.

“How are they?” Asked a monotone voice, stained with concern.

“Thankfully, the prince didn’t suffer any major wounds. A few scratches here and there, as well as some swelling and light bruising, but nothing too serious. Still, we should be careful straining his body any further. As for (F/N)...”

He heard the flirtatious healer heave heavily; his heart crumbled.

“That Mercedes girl did a splendid job patching her up in the moment. If you were to come even a moment later, we would have lost her.”

“So they’ll both live?” Dimitri recognized that worried tone from anywhere-- his loyal retainer.

“His Highness, for sure. (F/N), she... I’ve done everything I could to patch her up, but...”

“So... The best thing we can do is just... wait?”

“That’s the only thing we can do, Professor.”

Dimitri heard footsteps approach his bedside, then shortly congregate to elsewhere. The royal, disheartened and spirit-broken, let out a pitiful gurgle akin to a cry.

“Dimitri!”

“Your Highness!”

Through brute force and sheer will, he wrested his eyes open. The gentle morning light harshly struck his still-delicate pupils, making him wince. A raging headache tore through his temples, threatening to split his skull open.

“(F-F/N)...” He found himself muttering. “Where--? Where is--?”

“She is here, Your Highness.” Dedue motioned to the still figure beside the prince. “She is... not in the best condition.”

“I heard.” Dimitri dismissed the oncoming report, knowing his heart would all but collapse from within if he had to hear your grim fate iterated again. “I heard... everything.”

“Dimitri,” his professor began, “do you need anything?”

“Actually... May you please help me sit up?”

I can’t get a good look at her from this angle...

“No can do, Prince Dimitri.” Manuela retorted. “Even though your wounds are not as severe as (F/N)’s, we really shouldn’t put your body under any more stress.”

“Ms. Manuela, please. I beg of you.” Dimitri paused. “T-Truthfully, this position is rather uncomfortable. I would feel much better if I were to be readjusted.”

Manuela sighed, glanced over the royal’s swollen limbs and cut appendages, and reluctantly nodded.

“All right, fine. Let us know if anything starts to hurt.”

“Of course. You have my thanks. All of you.”

While Dedue busied himself propping and fluffing the pillows to Dimitri’s comfort, Manuela and Byleth worked together to assist the royal. They slowly managed to complete the task, doing their best to inflict as little pain as possible to the wincing and grimacing male.

“T-Thank you.” He breathed out shakily. “I feel... better now.”

“Do you require anything else, Your Highness?” Dedue questioned.

“I am fine, thank you. I just need time to... reflect.”

“I understand. I will wait outside should you need anything.” Dedue arose mechanically, bowed, and went outside to his station.

“Well, I need to run to town to restock on some medical supplies. I will be back as soon as I can. Goodbye.~” Manuela winked, patted Byleth on the shoulder, and sauntered away.

“Are you sure you don’t need anything else?” Byleth asked again, double-checking on the fluffed pillows.

“I am fine, Professor. Thank you for your help, as always.” Dimitri smiled slightly.

Byleth nodded, glanced at their other student, and leaned down.

“She’s going to be okay, Dimitri.”

Dimitri said nothing, the words meant to reassure only fueling his anxiety. All he could muster was a feigned smile and a small nod.

“Thank you for the encouragement, Professor.”

And Byleth was off, no doubt hurrying back to the rest of the Lions.

Now Dimitri was alone, save for Dedue who was ready to attend to his lord's every whim and command.

And... you.

Dimitri’s head lolled to face you. You were neatly tucked in the infirmary bed, a thin blanket cascaded over your body. So thin, in fact, that he could see the outline of the thick bandaging about your torso and shoulder.

Memories of the previous battle flooded his mind.

Distinct, biting, and painful memories that he’d do anything to bury in the oblivion-- to tuck away in the dark recesses of his mind, never to see the light of consciousness ever again.

He lifted his arm, forgoing his body’s desire to rest the battered limb, in a futile attempt to reach you-- to hold you.

So close, yet so far.

He remembered how his name was the last thing to spill out of your shaking, colorless lips as the lilting (E/C) hues he fell in love with gave way to a hollow, lifeless sheen.

How you were within his grasp-- within his reach-- yet he could do nothing to save you.

Except needlessly pulverize a dead man’s body into literal shreds.

Oh, Goddess.

His classmates.

His fellow Lions.

He had no direct memory of the faces or expressions he saw in his frenzy, yet he remembered it so distinctly. Although he possessed no recollections to base this on, he could clearly see each and every one of their faces painted with horror and quite possibly revulsion at the murderous monstrosity he managed to commit.

“Deem...”

Dimitri almost choked. He very nearly jumped out of bed if the shooting pain in his legs didn’t remind him of his sorry state.

“(F/N)...?!” Groaning, he turned his whole body to face you. “C-Can you hear me...?!”

“...ma.”

Your eyelids shuddered before stilling once more. He heard a quiet, labored wheeze rise from your chest before you succumbed to another deep sleep. A rush of emotions throbbed through his heart, each one too complex and short-lived for the prince to process.

“(F/N)...” He reached out his hand again, knowing full well that you were beyond his grasp. “I do not know if you can hear me, but please... Live.”

~*~

Within a day Dimitri’s body was healed of most of its external wounds, but his soul was still as ravaged as the battlefield you fell in. While the rest of the Lions greeted their leader with open arms (all except one, spitting out how his display in their previous skirmish proved he was “nothing but a feral boar,”) Dimitri could only return a fraction of their enthusiasm. He still smiled and trained and attended lectures, but the dark bags forming under his blank eyes were a physical manifestation of the raging storm within.

“Ope! Gotcha again, Your Highness!” Sylvain fisted the air triumphantly, hoping his smug arrogance would arouse a competitive flame within the despondent teen.

“Ah... It appears you have.” Dimitri mumbled, more so to himself than to Sylvain, and slipped into a fighting stance. “Let us try again.”

“Actually, Your Highness...” Sylvain leaned on the wooden training lance. “How about we take a short break. We’ve been training all afternoon.”

“Has it been that long?” Dimitri blinked, looking up at the still-blue skies.

“Yeah. C’mon. I’ll take care of the lances, you just sit down and make yourself comfortable.”

Although Dimitri would typically fight and say something along the lines of how he couldn’t possibly allow someone to take care of something he could so easily do himself, Sylvain found the lance slip out of the royal’s fingers with ease. After propping the training weapons on a rack, Sylvain joined Dimitri on a bench.

“So Your Highness,” Sylvain slid to his friend’s side, “we... couldn’t help noticing that...”

“Yes?”

“Well...” Sylvain trailed off again. “Ever since... you know... You haven’t been your usual self. At all.”

“Is that so...” Dimitri mumbled, staring at the ground with great interest.

“Yeah... We’ve all been really worried about you, Your Highness. We just... We just want to make sure you’re okay.”

Dimitri stared unblinkingly at nothing, utterly reaction-less to his friend’s voiced concern. He remained unmoving for a long time; Sylvain thought that if he so much as laid a hand on Dimitri’s shoulder, he would all but shatter into irreparable shards.

“... I apologize for my rudeness Sylvain, but I must go to the infirmary.”

“Huh--?”

“It is of utmost importance. Please excuse me.”

“Ah--! Hey, wait--!”

The prince managed to just barely slip out of the redhead’s outstretched palm, gracefully bobbing out of reach and the training grounds.

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

“You have to take care of yourself too, you know.” Manuela clicked her tongue disapprovingly, setting down a lit candle on a nearby table.

“Thank you for your concern Ms. Manuela, but I can assure you that I am feeling just fine.” Dimitri replied flatly, his glossy pupils not leaving your frame for a second.

“Sure, but the bags under your eyes say otherwise.”

Dimitri’s fingertips grazed the sensitive stretch of skin on his face, his upper eyelid twitching in response to the gentle touch.

“I do not care much for personal vanity.”

“It’s a sign that you’re not getting enough sleep.” Manuela retorted sharply, smoothing out the crinkles on a nearby bed. “Here. I prepared a bed for you. If you’re going to spend the night here, at least do it on a bed.”

Sunken azure hues rested on the stiff, plank-like cot longingly before snapping back to your ashy complexion.

“Thank you, Ms. Manuela. I will make use of it later.”

“No, Prince Dimitri. Rest. Now.”

Brown, fiery eyes clashed with bleary blues as the healer and prince remained locked in a fierce staring match. Dimitri’s eyes began to water as he stifled a yawn, reluctantly accepting defeat as he slowly stood up and headed for the bed.

“Good. Thank you.” The prince’s yawn seemed to rub off on Manuela as she stretched her arms to the sky. “Go to sleep, all right? Don’t stay up too late.”

“Yes, Ms. Manuela...”

Manuela initiated one last check on your battered body, bade a goodnight to the royal, and slipped out of the infirmary.

Dimitri peered blankly at the barren ceiling, a cacophonous symphony comprised of self-hatred and regret premiering at the forefront of his thoughts. And the soloist singing for eternal damnation to his soul was none other than you-- you, whom he so lovingly adored. You, who helped pull him from the abyss more times than he could count. You, the light that warded off his thickening darkness. And how did he show his profound appreciation towards you?

By sentencing you to eternal sleep for his carelessness.

Dimitri twisted his body to face you, the delicate mask that he had so calculatingly designed crumbling at the near-lifeless shell before him. The shallow, unsteady rise and fall of your chest was the only indicator that your soul hadn’t left your body; he grew terrified at the prospect of it dipping and never rising. He made conscious effort to avert his eyes from that region-- not only out of the high regard he held towards you, but...

The more he lingered on images of your stilling body, the tighter his chest grew.

Just thinking about it threatened how much air his lungs could take in.

He rocked himself to a sitting position and slipped his feet out of bed. He dutifully made his way back to his original post-- on a rickety stool by your bedside. He firmly planted his rear on the round slab of wood and tenderly brushed a stray lock of hair from your forehead.

Goddess you were so, so beautiful.

He felt almost guilty admiring you while you were in such a state, but the way the singular lit candle contoured every feature, every dip in your face in the most heavenly way possible... He couldn’t help it. His hand found residence in yours, taking painstaking note of the very obvious size difference. His other hand busied itself smoothing your unruly hair, quelling the frazzled strands from a complete uproar.

He’d trade his life for yours in a heartbeat if it meant that he could witness the lively (E/C) hues he fell so desperately in love with shine once again.

A lone finger hooked under your jaw and the rest of his digits caressed your icy cheek.

“(F/N)...” His voice cracked out, “I am so, so sorry...”

Something hot leaked out of his eyes and splattered onto your cheek, in which he alarmingly wiped away. He reached up to halt the steady stream of tears pouring out of him, but the dam had broken. His large frame hunched over into a quivering mass, broken sobs echoing off of the indifferent walls of the dark infirmary. Only half-empty bottles of medicine bore witness to the royal’s breakdown; his sloppy apologies and implorations fell on the earless bushels of medicinal herbs.

The small candle that Manuela had previously set up was nearing its end, the stumpy mass of wax and wick now a mere puddle of its former self. Before the few remaining trickles of light embarked on their last pilgrimage across the room, Dimitri made one last guttural plea.

“Wake up, my Beloved...” He called out, the name he had granted you only in his mind slipping out in his desperate hour. “Please, wake up...”

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

The mellow arias of songbirds heralded the beginning of a new day. A biting breeze blew through an open window and sliced your exposed skin, eliciting little goosebumps on the affected areas. With a breathless sigh and a pain-stricken moan, your eyelids managed to wedge themselves open. A bland ceiling was the first to welcome you back to the land of the living-- along with a large, dark mass hovering beside you.

You felt the remnants of a scream scratch out of your sorely unused throat and a sudden barrage of aches and pains besieged your frail body. You opened your mouth to yell, to cry for help, but no sound manifested. You felt something rough but warm adjust its grip on your hand, further sending your mind into a groggy panic.

“Mmph... (F/N)...”

That... That voice...

You stilled yourself (not that you were moving much anyway) and silently studied the steadily breathing shadow beside you. The dim dawn’s light reflected off of a bundle of disheveled gold locks, as well as a bright blue cape that was messily slung over a male’s shoulder.

A maelstrom of memories swirled through your mind.

A ruffian racing towards Dimitri, the edge of a bloodied and rusted axe swinging right for his neck.

Your legs discovering a mind of its own as it placed you right on the receiving end of the strike.

Your head throbbed, each surge of memory more painful than the last.

Darkness, followed by the putrid, metallic smell of blood in the distance and other auditory sensations too disturbing to fully comprehend.

Something warm and comforting pricked the corner of your heart as you recalled a certain sensation akin to embracing before you blacked out. Your thoughts frustratingly hazed into nothing. It felt like a certain memory was locked, forever lost behind an impenetrable brain fog. You wracked and sifted through your fragmented memories, but pieced together nothing.

The first few rays of light began to peak over the horizon, streaming into the room in gentle waves; you squinted your eyes, still unused to any light source brighter than a candle. As your vision slowly readjusted to the brightening room, your eyes caught sight of something that almost sent you back to sleep.

Your fingers tightly entwined with Dimitri’s.

Your weak heart thundered loudly in your ears-- so loud, in fact, you worried that it would be enough to rouse the slumbering prince. As cautiously as you could, your body writhed itself in a futile attempt to sit yourself up. You kept a careful eye on the prince, noting how dark the circles under his eyes have become and how hollow his cheeks have turned. The fact that rest had eluded him for however long you were unconscious was as plain as day.

You shifted your stiff legs a bit; the frame of your bed let out a booming groan.

Dimitri quietly snorted and his neck reeled upwards; alarmed blue eyes met with equally alarmed (E/C). The veins in Dimitri’s neck swam to the surface of his skin, growing more and more defined as every choking second passed.

“H-...” You began. “Hi...”

“(F/N)!”

Your surroundings whizzed right past you before you were unceremoniously slammed into something solid but so, so... warm.

Ah...

You remembered now.

This tenderness.

This contentment.

This warmth.

Dimitri held you in his arms, stroking your hair and mumbling rushed whispers as he did the day you fell.

“(F/N)... Oh, (F/N)...”

You felt how hard and rapid his heart was beating, almost deafening the incoherent whispers he sighed into your hair. Your arms weakly wrapped around his heaving back, rubbing it as soothingly as you could. He pulled you closer in response-- closer, closer, closer, until every inch of you was smothered by him. Hesitant, trembling fingers graced your tightly wound bandages and you felt something warm and wet splatter onto your exposed shoulder.

“Dimitri...” You pulled away slightly to look up at him and smiled. “It’s okay... I’m okay...”

“(F/N), I--” Clear, shiny beads of remorse pricked the corners of the prince’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. Goddess, I am so sorry, I... I’m so--”

You reached a finger to his lips, your heart splintering into tinier and tinier pieces as you watched the man you love slur apology after apology for a crime he did not commit.

“It’s okay, Dimitri... I'm okay now... I’ll be okay.”

The door quietly clicked open and a slender leg slipped itself into the tiny crack. The rest of Manuela slid in, along with a tray of vials and herbs.

“Oh--!” The healer tripped on her own two feet, dropping the tray and all of its contents onto the ground. She stumbled over the tied wad of herbs and leaking bottles of medicine that she had so desperately haggled from a travelling merchant.

“(F-F/N)?” She stuttered, slowly closing the distance between you two. “H-How are you feeling?”

“Um, w-well...” You peered down sheepishly, suddenly becoming very aware of the... intimate position you were in. “I am a bit achy all over but--”

“Ah!” Dimitri immediately released you from his arms and he shot out of his stool, almost tripping backwards. “P-Please forgive me! I was so caught up with my emotions, I did not even ask for your consent to hold you in such a way, a-and your wounds--!”

“Oh! N-No, Dimitri, it’s all right! I-- Uh--”

A rich chuckle from the older woman padded the shrill squeaks that poured out of you and your house leader.

“Well, Prince Dimitri... I’m afraid you can’t have her just yet. I still have to do a thorough check up on her. But after that... she’s all yours.”

Scarlet seeped into the royal’s cheeks, his sickly pallor bursting into hearty ruddiness. Broken vowels tumbled out of him as he clumsily rested his arse back onto the wooden stool.

“Actually Prince Dimitri,” Manuela began as she checked your vitals, “can you notify the professor that (F/N) has awakened?”

“You can count on me, Ms. Manuela.” Dimitri dutifully stood up and bowed. “I will deliver the news to Professor Byleth.”

Casting one last glance at you and bashfully looking down when he caught your eye, Dimitri hurried out of the infirmary to complete possibly the most important mission ever entrusted to him.

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

After your awakening, your classmates and professor began incorporating regular infirmary visits into their schedule. They showered you with kind, encouraging words and occasionally bore small gifts, constantly reminding you that they were right alongside you on your road to recovery.

But your most frequent visitor of all was your beloved house leader.

Every morning, without fail, he would grace your presence with the pleasant aroma of freshly prepared breakfast.

Every afternoon-- after class and training-- he spent his days with you, informing and personally tutoring you over concepts the class learned that day. Or simply providing his company, ensuring that the sinking and crushing feeling of loneliness never found residence in your heart.

Every evening, after all of his academic and princely duties have been met, he delivered your dinner trays with a sparkle in his eye and a smile on his lips.

"Is everything all right? Is there anything else you would like to go over from today’s lesson? If not, perhaps I can fetch you a glass of water in case you grow parched during the night.”

“Dimitri,” you laughed as you slowly rested your weary back on freshly-fluffed pillows, “you’re just downright spoiling me! I’m going to miss all this special treatment when I’m finally discharged.”

“W-Well, I would be more than happy to continue doing this long after you have been discharged.” Dimitri coughed. “I love-- er, rather, I find my time with you to be quite enjoyable.”

“Even though you’re constantly running around and fetching me whatever my heart desires?” You giggled.

“Why, of course! Seeing you content and well brings me insurmountable joy.”

“You’re so thoughtful, Dimitri.” You couldn’t help but grin after seeing how flushed his face turned. “Thank you so much for everything. You and all the other Lions have made my time in the infirmary so much more bearable. It’s... nice to feel loved like this.”

“You are loved, (F/N).” Dimitri threw the thin blanket over you. “You are an integral part to our house... and... t-to me.”

“Pardon?” You leaned forward, hoping to catch whatever he stuttered.

“N-Nothing. Please do not worry yourself over it. It is not very important.” He shot you a reassuring smile before your bandages entered his field of vision. Shame streaked across his features; his hold on the edge of the blanket loosened as he unconsciously stepped away from you.

“Dimitri...” You reached out for him, hoping he would take your hand as he always did. The prince kept his distance however, refusing to even look at you.

“(F/N)... (F/N), I’m--”

“Dimitri,” you raised your palm, “stop.”

Pure, unmasked horror bruised his handsome features.

“I-I apologize if I have offended you in some way--”

“It’s not that. It’s...” You sighed, closing your eyes. “Dimitri... What happened that day is not your fault. There is not a single drop of rage or bitterness in my heart. I can’t forgive you, simply because I was never mad at you to begin with. So please... Don’t look so pained when you see my bandages.”

Your stomach knotted painfully as a second alternative was made clear in your mind.

“Unless... Perhaps my wounds disgust you in some way...”

“Goddess, no!” Dimitri interjected immediately. “That cannot possibly be further from the truth. Your beauty has never waned-- not even for a second.”

The royal’s hand flew to cover his mouth while you both peered at each other, sharing the same shocked expression on your faces. Dimitri had never possessed such a strong desire to catapult himself into the sun. He remained frozen in fear, unsure how or if he could even save himself from his slip.

You tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear and looked down, the corners of your lips slightly turned upward. Dimitri found it unnecessary to fling himself into the sun since his cheeks had practically burst into flames at this point.

“O-Oh... Um... Thank you...” You managed to mumble, fidgeting with your blanket sheepishly.

“Um--!” Dimitri cleared his throat, jumped out of his seat, and bowed deeply. “I-It is getting quite late, is it not? I am afraid I must retire for the evening. Goodnight (F-F/N).”

The upper half of his body snapped downward in another deep bow as the prince hastily retreated from his social blunder. When the door clicked closed, you had all but broken into laughter. You pleasantly recalled Manuela’s previous remark towards the prince, and your heart danced in your chest.

“Your beauty has never waned-- not even for a second.”

You buried your face in your palms and let out a quiet, airy scream, a delightful rush of emotions coursing through you. You laughed almost maniacally to yourself, and you were certain if someone were to walk in on you right this moment they would think you had gone absolutely mad. Look at you! Acting like an antsy little schoolgirl! How embarrassing!

Then again, there should be no shame in experiencing such highs. Especially when it’s related to Dimitri! You gingerly twisted your body so you that you were face-first into your pillow before letting out a happy, muffled scream.

Meanwhile, Dimitri was marching back to his room, head down and thankful that at least the cover of night was enough to hide the flushed tone of his face. Like you, he replayed that one line-- that little slip of his tongue-- in his head over and over again. Unlike you, he wished to chain his feet to a cinder block and toss himself into the lake. Hopefully the fish would be willing to share the same space with an idiot of his caliber.

Still, even as he flung himself into the comforting embrace of his bed, his thoughts couldn’t help but drift to your response to his idiocy. The way you looked down, smiling gently at his words, the tips of your ears adopting a shade of baby pink...

You were so...

So...

Cute...!

Dimitri subjected his poor pillow to a bone-crushing hug as he buried his face in the mushy thing, imagining the soft, velvety texture of his pillow to be your skin and the warmth of the stuffed fabric to be your body pressed flushed against his.

Racing thoughts and rose-tinted fantasies propelled you both further and further away from Sleep, who desperately sought out her sleepless prince and fidgety (Favorite Class). When Sleep finally took hold of you, she could do little to obstruct the joyous meeting you both shared with each other in the forgotten land of dreams.

♠ ♥ ♣ ----------------------------------------------------------- ♣ ♥ ♠

“Are you ready, (F/N)?”

You met Manuela’s steady gaze with your own. With a firm nod, you replied,

“Yes.”

The healer moved closer to you, her skilled hands undoing the set of bandages for the last time. Dimitri averted his frantic eyes to the wall when the dressing loosened just enough for your chest to peak through. A cold, unforgiving breeze whipped the newly exposed skin, jolting a shiver down your spine. Manuela clicked her tongue softly and slowly traced your shoulder.

“The wound’s all healed, but I’m afraid this scar’s here to stay...”

Your eyes immediately flashed over to Dimitri’s stiffening frame.

“I see...”

“You can apply certain creams on site to reduce its appearance, but it’ll never go away completely... I’m sorry, (F/N).”

“It’s all right, Ms. Manuela.” You flashed her a controlled smile. “Honestly, with all the regular outings to dispel bandits and whatnot... It was only a matter of time before I bore my first battle scar.”

Manuela’s lips curved upward and she patted you on your unmarked shoulder.

“Do you need anything else, (F/N)? Some water, or food?”

You hummed thoughtfully, then shook your head.

“All right. Should you need anything, all you have to do is holler.” Manuela gave you one last smile before excusing herself from the room.

Dimitri stood unmoving and unblinking, countering your hard stare with blatant refusal to look at your scar-- a physical memento of his failure.

“Dimitri.”

The prince visibly recoiled at the sound of his own name.

“Look at me.”

His jaw clenched tautly; his eyes crunched into a pain-stricken wince.

“Look at me, please.”

He refused.

“I don’t blame you for this.”

. . .

“And I’ll never blame you for it.”

. . .

“If it means saving you, I’ll gladly do it again.”

This struck a chord with the prince, his enraged face suddenly mere inches away from yours.

“Don’t you dare say such a thing.” He growled lowly. “I will not allow you to throw your life away for me.”

“Dimitri...” You cupped his cheek in your hand, in which he immediately melted into. “I’ll gladly do it again because... Because... I love you.”

Not a moment later did you feel something warm and soft press against your lips. The tips of his bangs lightly dusted the surface of your skin, tickling your nose with the crisp smell of Faerhgus pine. A pair of gloved hands caught either side of your face, thumbs rubbing shallow circles into your cheeks as he pressed his lips further into yours. His mouth moved sloppily but lovingly, awkwardly yet ardently adoringly against yours; a medley of celestial colors you’ve never seen before flashed brilliantly at the forefront of your mind, casting you into a dreamlike stupor.

Dimitri leapt back, panic stewing in his deep briny blues. His fingers brushed his still-tingling lips as he bowed lowly.

“F-Forgive me (F/N), I-.. I have no idea what possessed me to do such a thing! I suppose I was just, um, c-caught in the moment and--?!”

More than tired of hearing his apologies, you grabbed his shirt’s collar and jerked him back to where he was before-- contently and firmly pressed right against your lips. Your fingers bunched themselves into patches of velvety, wispy gold while your lips moved sanguinely against his, happily leading your mouth and his in a spicy dance. A small moan escaped your slightly opened lips and Dimitri, consumed by nothing but base desires, surprised your tongue with a face-to-face meeting.

The wet muscle wrapped about yours, pulling you into an unyielding fight for dominance. You felt smooth sheets hit your exposed back; you hadn’t even noticed Dimitri progressively lowering the both of you onto your bed. He planted his hands on either side of your body, ridding any hope of escape from his ravaging kisses.

Not that you wanted to anyway.

Dimitri’s lips left yours to wander around your face and neck, taking particular interest in the latter. He nipped the exposed skin, teething and sucking wherever his heart desired until you were covered in nothing but love bites.

Then he caught sight of your cleavage, simply irresistible and downright begging to be marked with his love.

Then he suddenly remembered that you two were in a very public place and not in the private confines of his bedroom or dreams.

“Ah-- Um--” Dimitri stammered, quickly pulling away from your panting form. “P-Perhaps we should... stop... before it escalates any further...”

You whined, wanting nothing more than to be showered with kisses and bathed in his worshiping love. But your senses, hazy as they may be, pulled through the fog and coldly reminded you of your current whereabouts.

“Fine...” You pulled his fingers to your sultry lips and pressed a hot kiss on each digit. Dimitri’s jaw and pants tightened, the prince desperately clinging onto the last thread of sanity and reason which threatened to snap at any moment.

“My Beloved,” he purred sweetly, pressing a chaste kiss to your cheek, “rest now. When your strength returns to its fullest, we can pick up where we left off. I swear it.”

You giggled, finding his attempt at being serious too adorable. The heat and passion was still very visible in his eyes, and it was obvious that anymore teasing on your end would send him over the edge.

You nodded sleepily as he pulled the covers over you. He graced your lips with one more kiss before he stood up.

“Class will be starting shortly. Do you need anything before I go?”

“Mm...” You looked up coyly. “One more kiss, please!”

Dimitri chuckled, happily fulfilling both of your wishes.

“My Beloved is too cute for her own good...” He murmured huskily into your ear. “It should be a crime to be this captivating.”

“Then maybe you should punish me tonight~?”

“T-That’s...” Dimitri’s smug confidence had instantly dissipated. “S-Sleep well, (F/N).”

You had never seen a person’s cheeks go so red so fast. Dimitri zoomed out of the infirmary with a chorale of laughter bubbling out of his beloved.

Not a moment later after the door closed, it opened again just enough for the prince’s head to pop back in.

“Oh, uh, (F/N)?”

“Yes, darling?”

“I...” He cleared his throat loudly and shyly smiled. “I love you too.”

bonus: your discharge from the infirmary prompted a day of celebration in the blue lions house, with byleth cancelling lectures and training for the day to celebrate your miraculous recovery.

the rest of the lions organized a mini ‘welcome back’ party; the desks that previously held books and other study things now harbored all your favorite dishes on one side and a cluster of gifts on the other.

and when the sun dipped below the horizon, well... let’s just say dimitri made good on his promise from that night onward ;)

#fire emblem #dimitri fire emblem #fire emblem x reader #dimitri x reader #dimitri alexandre blaiddyd #fe3h dimitri #fe3h #6039 words #yOU GUYS #i love this man sm #it got pretty ~smexy~ towards the end #( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)#fire emblem three houses fanfiction #fire emblem three houses

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missytearex · 4 years

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Hi! So I’ve decided to do monthly recs instead of weekly recs from now on, which mean this list is kinda long, so I put all the under 10k fics under the cut, but be sure to check them out too! And remember to leave kudos and comments when you do ❤

Tired Tired Sea by @mediawhorefics — [fic post]

larry | 113k | mature

As a B&B owner on the most remote of all the British Isles, Louis Tomlinson is used to spending the coldest half of the year in complete isolation, with his dog and the sea as sole companions. Until, one day, a mysterious stranger on a quest to rebuild himself rents a room for the winter.

Not That Gone by @a-brighter-yellow --- [fic post]

larry | 61k | explicit

A few weeks after Louis and Harry, *ahem*, reconnect at their high school reunion, Harry temporarily moves back home. Louis isn't sure he has the emotional fortitude for a prolonged fling with the man of the dreams.

Play Pretend, Find a Friend? by @angelichl — [fic post]

larry | 40k | explicit

When Louis sees his ex-boyfriend kissing a random girl at a party, he acts out of blind jealousy. He kisses the first guy he can find. It turns into a thing.

INSPIRED BY CLOUDS.

I Just Want You to Stay by @sadaveniren --- [fic post]

larry | 34k | explicit

Louis and Harry have been roommates for four years, comfortable in their routine and their relationship. But all of that is about to change.

The Spaces Between Us by @justalittlelouislove — [fic post]

ziam | 33k | explicit

Liam is a ghost bound to nothing, feeling nothing. Until he finds Zayn and learns what it means to feel everything.

Give A Little Sing To The Singles by @londonfoginacup --- [fic post]

larry | 31k | teen and up

Harry Styles is an adult now, with a real adult job (and benefits! Whatever those are!). He spends his days at the copier. Copying things.

That being said, no one told Harry that being an adult came with a confusingly chaotic boss, a copier machine that would be hell-bent on ruining his life, and a coworker so good looking that Harry might just have to quit. After all, Christmas is coming and if their office doesn’t win the decorating contest, Louis has threatened to break several laws and kneecaps in retaliation.

Happy Christmas, here’s to many more.

The Goat Guy of Bethlehem by @lululawrence --- [fic post]

larry | 25k | not rated

every year, Harry and his family attend a church festival called Bethlehem. Harry's freshman year of high school Bethlehem expands, bringing in new vendors, including one that just might change everything for Harry. But first, he has to see if Anne and Robin are willing to part with him for the price of a few goats.

reach the stars by @disgruntledkittenface — [fic post]

horshaw | 19k | mature

Spring 2021. Four years after breaking up with Louis and moving to New York with his best friend Aimee, Nick runs into Niall and they start dating. When their relationship gets serious, Nick struggles to tell Niall how much he means to him.

Everything I Do by Anonymous — [fic post]

larry | 16k | explicit

the one where Harry finds a book of Elizabethan courtship rituals which sets in motion a series of events that can lead to only one conclusion.

High Heels, Red Dress by Anonymous --- [fic post]

larry | 15k | explicit

Louis answers the call when Pearl Harbor is attacked and there is no way around it. The United States is at war. Hiding his queer identity isn't so hard until he attracts the attention of a particular soldier. It's all lies and secrets until the war is finally over. Maybe then Louis can finally have his happy ending. It's up to fate to decide.

when half spent was the night by @juliusschmidt --- [fic post]

larry | 14k | mature

Hi Harry,

I’ve skimmed your website and am interested in hiring you to be my doula. I’m 7 ½ months pregnant and not keen to do this whole labor and birth thing alone. After looking around, I thought you might be a good fit because you mention enjoying unusual people with unusual birth requests. I can meet up any day this week.

Lou

You are the feeling of drugs, pulling the chain of my love by @peujeune — [fic post]

tomlinshaw | 10k | explicit

Louis gets bored with all the questions by the next week and tells everyone, in no uncertain terms, to fuck off, in a Facebook post he subsequently deletes the next day. Instead, he chooses to ignore all his friends.

And text Nick.

you’ve set my soul to dreaming by @so-why-let-your-voice-be-tamed — [fic post]

larry | 9k | teen and up

Thirty year old Harry Styles goes to bed single on Christmas Eve, only to wake up on Christmas morning with a husband in his bed and a son down the hall.

The Truth I Can’t Explain (Smoke and Mirrors) by @fallinglikethis — [fic post]

larry | 9k | mature

Louis Tomlinson scans the horizon. It’s dark, but his werewolf eyes are equipped for that. He sees clearly in the inky black of the forest around them. He and every other wolf can see the moment the first blood mage crosses the boundary into their compound. The mages must think they’ve disabled the wards on the edges of the boundary but the wolves did that themselves when they found out the mages were coming. Louis’ pack has opened the door and put down the welcome mat. It’s up to the mages whether that mat becomes stained in blood.

on the same page by Anonymous — [fic post]

larry | 8k | mature

The one where Louis doesn’t know what the hell is going on.

You’re a Nightmare, I’m a Disaster by @lululawrence --- [fic post]

tomlinshaw | 7k | not rated

the one where Nick is a writer, Louis works in a bookshop, and things don’t exactly start off on the right foot, but they might just end on it.

The Gingerbread Show Off by @homosociallyyours --- [fic post]

larry | 6k | general audiences

The Gingerbread Show Off is the biggest event of the year at Harry's still sort of new to him job, and when he's given a spot to compete in it he's beyond excited. When he realizes that he's going to be paired up with Louis, the man who's been sneakily stealing his ideas since almost their first day of working together, he's understandably frustrated.

He still wants to win, though, and he's not going to let his office enemy bring him down.

The Circle of Life is Not a Circle, it’s a Stick by @lounonymouse --- [fic post]

tomlinshaw | 5k | teen and up

This is a story about Louis, his husband Nick, their daughter Ella, and her pet stick insect Mr Sticky McStick-Face.

B-Sides & C-Cuts by @bitter-leaf — [fic post]

shiall | 5k | teen and up

Niall’s stuck in Toronto the day before Christmas Eve. Shawn plans to make the most of it.

A Not So Silent Night by @lightwoodsmagic --- [fic post]

ziam | 5k | teen and up

Liam's had a crush on Zayn for months, every time they talk on the phone just making him grow fonder. He's just never met him in real life. When he finally gets to meet him, it turns out that he can't take his eyes off him dancing on the table at the bank's Christmas party. Especially when he starts taking off his sweater.

Summer Love by Anonymous — [fic post]

larry | 5k | teen and up

Summers at his lake house are Harry’s favorite time of the year. They’re treasured moments in time spent with Louis, his favorite person. The boy with the bluest eyes, the brightest smile and loudest laugh. Harry’s best friend for all of his summers. He’s gonna marry him someday. All that Louis needs to do is ask him - again.

my heart got caught on your sleeve by @foliealou — [fic post]

tomlinshaw | 5k | general audiences

Louis Tomlinson decides to come out: a story in three acts.

it's getting bluer (and you can't keep faking) by @dinoflangellate --- [fic post]

nessie | 4k | explicit

For a second, Niall can’t move, pinned in place by Bressie’s casual words. Get you sorted could mean so many things, things he wants, and his brain almost explodes.

I Knew From The First Time by Anonymous --- [fic post]

larry | 4k | teen and up

Harry spent weeks picking out a gorgeous ring, and months planning every little detail of the perfect anniversary trip to propose to Louis. Except it doesn't go as planned and the ring disappears.

Harry Styles Plays with Kittens While Answering Questions by @sadaveniren — [fic post]

larry | 4k | teen and up

Louis runs a Youtube channel and Harry is his celebrity guest

to love you in word and deed by Anonymous — [fic post]

larry | 4k | general audiences

Louis loves everything about living with Harry. Except for Harry’s effusive proposals. Because the problem is, it’s getting harder and harder for Louis to keep reacting like they’re jokes.

Roll the Dice by @allwaswell16 — [fic post]

larry | 3k | explicit

Louis has been in love with Harry since they were eighteen. It isn’t until Harry’s thirtieth birthday in Las Vegas that Louis must finally decide to either tell Harry how he feels or let him marry someone else.

molecular by @dinoflangellate — [fic post]

zouis | 3k | teen and up

The team pushes into the lab, jostling each other through the sliding glass doors. Eenie, meenie, miney, mo. There they are, the four of them, present and accounted for. Louis shoves his way in last, looking sweaty and triumphant, and the hand around Zayn’s heart finally unclenches.

Unto You by @londonfoginacup — [fic post]

larry | 3k | teen and up

Louis is a lamplighter celebrating the saturnalia season in his own way.

Harry is heavily pregnant and new in the city.

The holiday of Christmas is yet to be created.

Brring Brring (that’s the land line) by Anonymous — [fic post]

larry | 3k | general audiences

Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles have been dating for six months and two weeks.

It’s one in the morning, and the phone rings.

Snowdrops and Mice Pops by @ohharold --- [fic post]

larry | 3k | teen and up

The boys are stuck at Hogwarts over Christmas incapable of taking the Hogwarts Express back to London. A botched together friends Christmas would have to do.

step into christmas by leighbot

zarry | 2k | general audiences

the one where Zayn's written a Christmas book for children and Harry brings his son to a local reading.

Oh Valley Girl by @londonfoginacup — [fic post]

larry | 2k | general audiences

Out past the rolling hills and the churning sea sits a little fishing village, nestled in a valley where its residents are protected from the elements, as well as from the outside world as a whole.

Harry lives in this little fishing village, and she loves nothing more than feeling the earth beneath her and seeing the sky above her and sometimes dreaming of adventure.

Then one day a ship arrives.

Tricks and Treats by @homosociallyyours --- [fic post]

larry | 1k | general audiences

wherein Louis receives a package not intended for him, Harry has a brilliant idea, and the two of them meet properly at a Halloween party.

Gratuitous puns, bone® jokes, and creepy neighbors abound!

This Is Halloween by @hadtobelou --- [fic post]

larry | 1k | explicit

Louis' Halloween doesn't go as planned.

Scarily Incompatible by soidiallednine

larry | 666 | general audiences

Harry seems perfect for Louis. Lottie certainly thinks so. But one really scary choice by Harry will doom them before they start.

something weird (but it do look good) by @uhohmorshedios — [fic post]

larry | 666 | teen and up

Harry’s upset that Louis didn’t appreciate his attempt to put a very-Harry twist on a Halloween meme and Louis tries his best to make it up to him.

take my hand (i won’t let go) by @tempolarriefix — [fic post]

larry | 666 | general audiences

in which zayn and liam are in love, niall doesn’t want to third wheel, louis hates scary things, and harry works in a haunted house.

aka the ficlet haunted house meet-cute that you never knew you needed.

The Devil Went Down to Georgia by @kingsofeverything — [fic post]

larry | 666 | general audiences

Louis just wants to fall in love for eternity.

the future reflected by @louandhazaf — [fic post]

larry | 666 | not rated

Louis didn’t take the stupid game seriously. Maybe he should’ve.

The Literal Gates of Hell by @evilovesyou — [fic post]

larry | 666 | general audiences

Louis has a passion for the supernatural and tends to drag his friends into his ghost and demon hunting adventures. His guardian angel isn’t too pleased when they set out to find one of the actual gates of hell.

You Win by @ziamhaze --- [fic post]

ziam | 666 | general audiences

Based off this AU: A werewolf finds a human who is strolling in the woods late at night, and just before the werewolf goes to attack the human, the human then starts to beat box and the werewolf is too intrigued to attack them.

I Still Follow by @smoke-flowers — [fic post]

zarry | 606 | general audiences

The sky is cloaked in black velvet, but he swears he sees stars.

#fic rec #my recs #my lists #december 2019 #28th appreciation

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polymathart · 5 years

Text

Evolution of Cassarian

This whole post sorta spans from Season 1 all the way to about 6-7 years after the series finale.

Season 1A:

V: Thank you, my lady. C: Ugh.

Season 1B:

V: I always knew I’d be able to sweep you off your feet!

Pre-Season 2:

R: Cassandra, I’m really worried about Varian. What’s gonna happen to him while we’re gone? Is my dad really gonna get him help as he promised? I mean I know he did do all this but I still believe that there’s still some hope for him. I mean— C: Raps, look. I know you’re really worried about him. And hurt. He was my friend, too. And I’m hurt, too, over what he did. But right now we have bigger things to worry about. And when we are done, we’ll figure things out with him. He’s... broken. I’m with you when you say there could still be hope for him.

Season 3:

V: Cassandra, please. Just think for a second about what you’re doing. C: Why should I listen to you?! The guy who almost murdered my best friend and her family and me?

Finale:

C: Varian. About what I said back there. I— V: It’s okay, Cassandra. I know. Pain and anger can make us say some crazy things. C: ...but I really hurt you. I— V: And I hurt you a long time ago. I mean, as much as we regret it, we can’t just undo the past. Don’t you think it might be nicer to just start over? C: ...y- yeah. Yeah I guess that would be nice.

2-3 years later:

V: Oops. C: Nice going, kid. You broke it. V: No I didn’t! I just— um. Yeah, no. You’re right. I broke it. C: Tch. Clutz.

1 year later:

C: Oh thank goodness! Varian, you are a lifesaver! Where did you even find it? V: Oh, I just found it left over in last week’s wreckage. C: Thank you, Varian. Hey, um. Do you still need someone to help you with the roof? V: I thought you said— C: Hey, it’s time I started returning the favors. Come on. I’ve got time.

1 year later:

C: Surprise! V: You... made me new goggles? C: Yeah. It was the least I could do after I, you know, completely shattered your other ones. V: Cass, this. This is so... Th-thank you so much.

1 year later:

C: Varian. Please. Stop. You know this isn’t you. V: But I— C: Varian, you of all people taught me that revenge is not the answer. Here. Look at me. Just let this go. Please. V: ...okay.

Months later:

C: Varian, don’t talk like that about yourself. You’re so much more than that! V: Cass, I ruined everything. I embarrassed you, I embarrassed myself, I botched the whole competition. Just another one of my humiliating experiments! I ruined everything! C: No no no! You didn’t ruin a thing! I don’t care about some trophy. I was glad to hang out with you for a chance! V: But what about your chance at— C: What’s a boring old job compared to spending hanging out with Corona’s greatest alchemist? Varian, I like hanging out with you. Even if it ends up as a farce. V: S- so you’re not mad? C: Of course I’m not, Varian.

Months later:

V: Cassie, um. There’s something I kinda need to tell you. C: Sure. What is it? V: Well. Remember years ago. When we first met? I had a little teenage crush on you? C: Oh. Hah! I remember that! That was cute. V: Yeah well. I- um.... Cassandra I don’t think those feelings ever left. C: ...w- what? V: Ever since you came back to Corona I just couldn’t stop thinking about— I mean. I really like being around you. You’re fun, righteous, and brave. I really have never met anyone else like you. This all just sounds like a little crush again but... for the past few years. I just feel different. Like it just didn’t feel like a crush anymore. Everytime I see you I just feel happier. And more confident. And sometimes I even feel safe around you. And content. Cassandra. I. I. I th-th-think.... I am in love with you. C: ...you. You what? V: Ugh! No no no I knew I shouldn’t have said anything! I’m so sorry Cass. I just made things weird. Look can we just maybe forget thus whole talk happened and move on? No changes, no consequences. Just back to being our friendly selves? C: Varian. I. I don’t know what to say. I mean. I. V: You hate me now, don’t you? C: No. Like, far from it. I mean. I guess for the past few months now I, too, have been feeling strange. Especially when we hang out. Like, I don’t know. Just. Something different. You’re so cheerful and sweet and impassioned and caring. And you’ve always been so forgiving to everyone, especially to me. Not to mention you are so quick to help your friends; you’re always there for us. Rapunzel, Eugene, Lance, and me, too. I don’t get how you do it but I really admire that. I. I think. Varian, I think I might. I might be. Um. V: ... C: Varian. Maybe whatever these “feelings” are aren’t such a bad thing...

Months later:

V: Cassie, I swear. I don’t know how you do it but you always know how to empower me. Always motivate me. I don’t think there’s anyone else in the world I’d rather be here tonight with. C: Varian. Somehow you know how to cheer me up all the time, too. And you’ve been so supportive and compassionate with me. Even when I screw up. And you inspire me. You’re so creative and witty. I don’t know of anyone else I’d rather be here tonight with either. V: Cassie... Cassie I.... They kiss. V: Um. Heh. Okay. So that happened. C: Yeah. Weird. I mean, like in a not terrible way. V: Yeah. C: It was actually kinda nice. V: I was thinking the same thing. C: ... V: ...hey it’s getting late. Should we, um. Should we— C: —oh go home? V: G-go home yeah. C: Oh yeah sure if that’s okay with you, ya know. V: Uh huh. Yeah. Sounds okay with me. They walk back home, shyly holding hands, blushing, and giggling at each other. Cass playfully elbows Varian.

#cassarian #tangled the series #rapunzel's tangled adventure #rta #tts #cassandra #varian #eugene #lance #rapunzel

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missusgordo · 4 years

Text

bite-the-wax-tadpole mentioned you in a post

@missusgordo aw you're only with me on that? Lol I know you're not a big fan of this season, is it the angel/cordelia? And yeah I'm going into s4 not knowing what to expect, everyone seems to hate it so much lol

@betterkatherinethani

Sorry I meant to respond to this earlier but got sidetracked. I don’t like AtS season 3 for a number of reasons, one of which is, yes - the c@ngel. But there are other reasons that it doesn’t appeal to me, personally. I will say that I absolutely love Lullaby (as should be no surprise - my favorite AtS is the Season 2 Darla/Angel plots written by Tim Minear. And Lullaby is quintessentially Tim Minear. I almost like to think of Lullaby as the end of that chapter of the AtS story - the Darla/Angel saga (my favorite chapter).

My biggest problems with AtS s3 are odd characterizations. I think Angel is oddly giddy throughout most of the season. By the time s3 rolls around, we have had Angel in the Buffyverse for 5 seasons. He’s always been a quiet, reserved, taciturn kinda vamp. Then in s3, he goes around smiling and I think at one point the dude is literally skipping. While in the past he had small dorky moments the dork factor is turned up in s3. And then Cordelia becomes this oddly nurturing caring figure, devoid of much of her tactless charm. Instead of being the lovable, ‘tells it like it is’ sidekick she was in the first two seasons - the writing tries to paint her as this tragic hero who we are somehow supposed to believe is now.. a goddess? She and Wesley’s relationship is totally sidetracked (all of her relationships are sidetracked really) so that she can become entirely Angel obsessed (remember when her and Wesley were like BFFs in the first two seasons? yeah the writers apparently didn’t either).

Now make no mistake about it, C@ngel is a big part of why I don’t like this season (nevermind that I think their chemistry is pretty terrible). But not necessarily because C@ngel is (was? tried to be? we were told it was gonna be?) a thing but because of how it was executed. I’ve written extensively about this on my blog but honestly, they had the opportunity to write a cool “friends to lovers story”. (In full disclosure of my bias - there is absolutely no story they could have written that would’ve made me jump on that bandwagon but I think it had objective potential) Instead, the writers felt it necessary to turn Cordelia into this goddess/warrior/tragic hero, to throw out words like Kyrupmption and moira. The story became about “meant to be” and “written in the stars.” They felt the need to bend the characterizations of Angel and Cordelia to make them more compatible and TELL the audience (through Lorne and Fried) about C@ngel instead of showing a slow and steady progression of a natural relationship. They botched it. And in the process, they botched the season. I think Tomorrow is an embarrassment of an episode. Cordelia - has a VISION of herself floating in front of her (in some very questionable fashion choices)? Saying she loves Angel? And then she floats away to become a Goddess? The whole thing is incredibly cheesy and tbh I expect more of Buffyverse writers.

If anything, I am one of those rare people that enjoys AtS when it’s darker, and more introspective. Driven by thoughtful questions of morality. I understand that it’s a different “vibe” than btvs which I was never bothered by. But season 3 and 5 have a different “feel” to me (Although I think ats s5 is MUCH better in execution). Which is why I prefer s4 even if I can agree that’s a mess. It’s a mess with a tone I enjoy more than s3 of AtS - PLUS Angel is IN CHARACTER! lol.

Sorry for the long reply I guess I had alot to say and I haven’t been on tumblr in a hot minute haha. That being said, I’m glad you enjoyed s3 and I’m glad you picked up ats - because it’s still such a great show IMO! I look forward to hearing your thoughts on s4 :D.

#bite-the-wax-tadpole #anti-cangel #do I still have to tag this #my entire blog is anti-cangel amright?

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hazyheel · 5 years

Text

AEW Fyter Fest 2019 Review

So, we start out with the pre-show, and the first match was a triple threat tag: Best Friends vs. SCU vs. Private Party. The story early on in this match was that Best Friends and SCU were totally bullying the much smaller Private Party, although they certainly impressed. They had a lot of really good high flying offense, inculding an awesome shooting star press from Marc Quen that was unfortunately broken up. There was a really cool moment in the middle of the match where everyone in the ring was just nailing each other with huge moves, such as cutters and huge tornado DDT’s. There was also a really great near fall, where after Quen flipped out of a top rope German, and then ran up to the top rope for a hurricarana into a cutter on Franky Kazarian, but Scorpio Sky broke it up. It was not long after that when the Best Friends were able to hit strong zero for the win here.

After the match, The Dark Order came on the tron and called out the best friends. They said that they would utterly destroy them, and that they were only the first. They said they would dissect them slowly. The lights went out, and the Dark order’s minions surrounded Trent and Chuck Taylor, but they ended up just disappering.

Grade: B. Not the smoothest match in the world, but still pretty good. Private Party really shined here, and they definitely got themselves over. They were the least known tag team in this match, and they certainly impressed. However, Best friends were definitely the best pick to win this match. They are one of the most over teams on the indies, and it makes sense to continue their feud with the dark order. Good stuff, and I look forward to seeing more of private party in the future.

Then we had Leva Bates vs. Allie, with Peter Avalon at ringside. Coming to the ring, Avalon actually tried to win Bates’ heart, and when she rejected him once again, so the destroyed the tent on the stage and decapitated one of the mannequins. Bates then cut a promo about the importance of reading, while the crowd chanted “We can’t read.” Allie then came out and got a good reaction. The match was fine, not really any huge spots. There was one point where Avalon tried to interfere by tripping Allie, so the Librarians are definitely heels. In the finish, Avalon tried to give Bates a book to hit Allie with, but Allie gave Bates a superkick for the win.

Grade: C. Not the greatest match in the world. I am not a big fan of Allie, I certainly haven’t seen a great match of hers. Leva Bates seems pretty good, but I can tell that the librarian gimmick will get old quick if I have to deal with it on a weekly basis. I hope I get to see more of Bates with a different opponent, because she looks promising.

Then we had Jebailey vs. Michael Nakazawa. Nakazawa cut a little heel promo before the match, where he tricked Jebailey into revealing which leg was injured last year. He attacked the and they started the match. Nakazawa quickly got baby oil involved, making everyone slip all over the ring. Jebailey beat down Nakazawa with a fight stick, which was funny, and he also tried to drown Nakazawa in a kiddie pool. They battled by the pool for a while, with Nakazawa nailing Jebailey with a inflatable flamingo, before being powerslamed into the pool, prompting a holy shit chant. Back in the ring, Nakazawa beat Jebailing with a gamecube remote, before choking him and spearing him off the apron through a table. Jebailey was able to powerslam Nakazawa onto some lego things, but when he got back up, Nakazawa tried to shove his thong in Jebailey’s mouth and ended up hitting the ref. Jebailey then wrapped him in a cradle, but the ref was down. Nakazawa then reversed it with the thong in Jebailey’s face.

Grade: D+. I don’t think anyone thought this would be good. But honestly? If you stop watching this as a wrestling fan and just remember that Jebailey just wanted to be a wrestler on the one night he could, then it’s at least kinda fun. He did well for a total amateur. Plus, the crowd was encouraging him a lot, and he took some stiff shots from a kendo stick.

Opening the show was CIMA vs. Christopher Daniels. They put on a pretty good contest early on, just trading power moves back and forth. Daniels wokred over Cima’s back throughout the match, which interfered with Cima’s flying offense. There was one really good move where Cima hurt his back when he hit a razors edge, and Daniels durilled him with a blue thunder bomb. A great near fall came when Daniels hit Angels’ wings, but Cima kicked out. There was a rather cringy moment during the match when JR referred to Cima as an “Oriental” wrestler. God, that is just awful. Anyway, Cima got the win with a meteora.

Grade: B. Pretty good match. There was an odd pacing here where Cima was moving quite a bit faster than Daniels, which gave things a weird feel. But Cima was really good here, both in selling his back and hitting some hard hitting offense. This match definitely hyped me up for Cima vs. Kenny Omega, so this was certainly a success.

Then we had a three way with the women, pitting Yuka Sakazaki against Nyla Rose and Riho. The match started when Nyla Rose Irish whipped Riho after a handshake. So, the Joshi teamed up on the much larger and more powerful Rose, creating a sort of unofficial handicap match. Rose was more than happy to fight in that sort of match, locking both in a Boston crab at the same time. Sakazaki nearly botched a dive to the outside, but very carefully climbed the ropes instead, which was actually super cute for her character. Rose gave Riho an awesome guilltine splash, but she didn’t even go for a pin. Riho then tried to splash Rose, but was caught. Sakazaki then did the same, but was also caught in an awesome show of strength. The two Joshi then tried to pin Rose together, but there was a kickout. Rose then absolutely destroyed Sakazaki with a powerbomb, but when she went to hit a finish on Riho, Riho got a great rollup for a shocking win.

After the match, Rose tried to attack Riho, but Sakazaki came to her aid and they fought off Rose. However, Riho pushed Sakazaki away when she tried to help. Sakazaki was really really sad about that too.

Grade; B+. This was a really good match. Rose looked like a monster of a heel, and the Joshi sold like goddamned crazy for her. She will be huge in this division, she seems awesome. The Joshi were awesome as well. This was a really big win for Riho, so she will probably be pretty big player in this division, but I’m really hoping for Sakazaki. That girl is wonderful. I’m sure that the AEW women’s division will be absolutely great.

Then we had the fatal 4-way, Adam Page vs. MJF vs. Jimmy Havoc vs. Jungle Boy. MJF tried to cut a promo before the match and absolutely wrecked the very nerdy crowd by saying that their mom swallows. He called everyone geeks, fat, disgusting, virgins, and losers. Oh my god he is good on the mic. The match was showing everyone’s character and styles. MJF was constantly trying to steal a pin, Jungle Boy flew around, Havoc would just randomly run in and hit something crazy, and Page was constantly the babyface standing tall. At one point, Jungle Boy went for a reverse cannonball splash on the outside, but his boot clipped the turnbuckle so he botched it a bit, but it still looked great. Whenever MJF could attack Page, he would attack the knee. At one point, MJF went for a sharpshooter, but Page reversed it into a sharpshooter of his own for a short submission sequence. Havoc took out Jungle Boy with a death valley driver out of the ring and onto his friend Luchasaurus. After Havoc hit MJF with a double stomp off the top, MJF ducked a buckshot lariat so it hit Havoc. MJF then fled the ring as Page hit Havoc with deadeye for the win.

Grade: B+. Another good match. The action was very fast, we had the winner that we definitely needed, and we saw a lot from Havoc and Jungle Boy. They will be big in this brand, so I’m happy that we saw them get some offense. Page did not pin MJF, so I bet that they will do the singles match at fight for the fallen. Good stuff wrestling here.

Then we had Cody vs. Darby Allin. Allin came into this match wth a crazy amount of energy and excitement, playing an underdog but a dangerous one. He was grabbing rollups whenever he could, really fishing for a win here. Allin took a dangerous bump early on where he was thrown into the turnbuckles and he slipped through the middle ropes and out of the ring. Allin worked over Cody’s hand, which was injured pretty recently. Allin was also flying all over the ring, and hitting Cody with everything he had. Cody was simply using his strength advantage to take down Allin at every turn. At one point, Cody hit a reverse superplex as the crowd showered them in AEW chants. Another crazy spot saw Allin go for a coffin drop on the apron, but Cody rolled in the ring, so Allin just crashed onto the apron. Cody then knocked Allin into his own body bag, and gave him a disaster kick while he was in it, but only a near fall. As the time limit ticked down, Cody started to lay into Allin with his weight belt, but Allin wouldn’t stay down. Allin was able to hit an over the top stunner, but Cody quickly recovered and hit a cross roads, but only made the pin as the time limit sank down, and we ended in a draw.

After the match, the crowd chanted for overtime, and it looked like they were going to get it, but Shawn Spears showed up and nailed Cody in the head with a nasty chair shot. Spears looked like he was going to hit Brandi too, but the ref got in the way and stopped him. Spears walked away as MJF ran into the ring, ready to kick ass. Cody walked away with Brandi helping him. Cody looked pretty legitimately loopy.

Grade; B-. The match was alright, tough to follow up that awesome match at Double or Nothing from Cody, but this was still pretty good. Allin looked really good here, playing a scrappy underdog that did everything he could. He pulled out some nasty and dumb stunts, which what he is known for. He certainly impressed me. I thought the finish was a bit contrived, with Cody having plenty of time between hitting cross roads and making the pin. I thought the post match attack was scary, that was a rough chair shot that really belongs in the 90′s, was unnecessary, but I would love to see that feud. Probably going to secure another match at All Out. But as for this match, we are open for a rematch, and they brought Darby Allin to a whole new audience.

Into a 6-man tag. Lucha Bros and Laredo Kid vs. The Elite. The Bucks entered as Ken and Ryu, while Kenny Omega came in as Akuma. As a video game nerd, I was happy. Laredo Kid and Nick Jackson squared off, trading some high flying offense, but quickly all members of the teams entered the ring. The Luchadores quickly got the advantage with a triple suicide dive. They then gave Matt a double superkick into a reverse rana which looked badass. Another point saw Matt giving all of the luchadores northern lights suplexes, drawing loads of cheers from the crowd. Matt hit an awesome combination of a destroyer into a spear. Kenny then gave each of the luchadores a dragon suplex. The Luchadores took back control, when Fenix dove over the post, and Kid hit a Lardeo splash, but Omega kicked out just as Pentagon ran in to give Matt a destroyer. At another point, the luchadores all charged at the elite, so they haduokkened them away. Matt wanted to give Pentagon a swan diving Meltzer driver, but nick mistepped when going over the top rope. He still climbed the ropes, and Fenix intercepted him for a spanish fly to the outside. Back in the ring, Omega gave Kid a v trigger, liger driver 98, and the one winged angel for the win.

Grade: A-. Of course this match was great. They got 6 of the best talents in AEW, and put them in one ring together, and they killed it. There were a couple rough spots, but nothing that would derail the awesome match. They flew all over the place and hit so many awesome spots. And this one wasn’t a finisher fest like the big tag match at Double or Nothing. They just hit some awesome moves and put on a great show. This easily could’ve been the main event of the night, although I think it was a good choice for the semi main.

And in the unsanctioned main event, we had Joey Janela vs. Jon Moxley. No disqualifications, anything could happen. They brawled at ringside, with Janela starting off the hardcore spots by hitting Moxley with a prosthetic leg that was passed through the crowd. The two then pummeled each other with a chair wrapped in barbed wire, before both faling through a table off the apron after a Russian Leg sweep. Moxley then threw Janela back in the ring for a spear through a table in the corner. Moxley kept it up with a board with barbed wire on it, but Janela ended up putting him through it with a death valley driver. They kept up the crazy spots as Janela hit on elbow drop off a ladder in the ring, through Moxley on the outside with some tables. Moxley got revenge though, giving Janela a death valley bomb out of the ring and through a barbed wire board on the outside. Moxley then introduced thumb tacks, before taking off Janela’s shoes and slaming him on the thumbtacks. Janela begged for more by flipping off Moxley, so he grabbed more of them and gave him the death rider onto the tacks for the win.

After the match, Kenny Omega ran in to give Moxley a v Trigger, piledriver and a double foot stomp onto Moxley. He beat Moxley with a mic stand from the band that didn’t show up. He then threw Moxley into the drum set, beat him with the sticks, and smacked him in the back with a guitar before walking away. Some refs were escorting him to the back, and Moxley pushed them away in frustration, but Kenny came back out to beat him with a trash can and giving him a death rider onto the garbage can.

Grade: B+. Not the best death match I have ever seen, but it was still really good. I was just interesting to see Moxley in this kind of postiion. I know he missed these types of matches, and it was awesome to see him back in his element. Those thumbtack bumps were actually sick, and I cringed hard at both those and the barbed wire. Definitely the right person won, and I really liked the attack afterwards. Their feud is just going to build more and more until All Out, and it should be a great match.

Overall Grade: B

Pros: Triple threat tag; Cima vs. Daniels; women’s triple threat; four way; 6-man tag; unsanctioned

Cons: Bates vs. Allie; (not putting Jebailey on here, because while it was not a good wrestling match, I certainly didn’t think it was a con)

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zrtranscripts · 5 years

Text

Radio Abel, Season Six

Part 4 of 6

The following section takes place after S6M20, "Peacekeeper"

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, ci-ti-zens! Have we got a treat for you.

ZOE CRICK: He's using the word "treat" very loosely.

JODY MARSH: Thanks!

ZOE CRICK: My pleasure.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: With us in the studio is Abel's very own Jody Marsh! Former interim commander-in-chief, and now... um...

JODY MARSH: Just another Abel runner.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, there's nothing just about being an Abel runner. And anyway, you've got a scheme or two of your own going on, haven't you? A little birdy tells me about a certain transmitter you've been building?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [laughs] Which makes sense. Transmitters make good perches for birds.

ZOE CRICK: It wasn't a literal bird, Phil.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, I know. I'm just saying, actual birds would also be well informed about Jody's transmitter.

JODY MARSH: Now that you mention it, we did have a seagull nest in it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: See?

JODY MARSH: Only we had to get rid of it because it was interfering with the signal.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, but nothing happened to the chicks, right? You definitely rehomed them in as untraumatic a way as possible?

JODY MARSH: Yeah, because I knew you'd never speak to me again if I didn't. And I picked this next song especially for the baby seagulls!

ZOE CRICK: Aw!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I've seen the plans for that transmitter of yours, Jody. It's an impressive bit of kit.

JODY MARSH: Thanks. I mean, it's a real botch job, but it does the trick. It's let us set up UK-wide comms with a whole bunch of settlements that were cut off from contact before.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Such a weird thought. You know, there are people out there who've got no idea what's been going on in the rest of the country. I mean, yeah, they've probably noticed the zoms. But the Minister and all the rest of it?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. And as soon as we fill them in, they'll probably decide she's the best thing since sliced bread. Everyone else seems to think that.

JODY MARSH: It's just the cure. You can't blame people for wanting it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I do a bit. Wrong's wrong, whatever it's got to offer you.

JODY MARSH: But they don't know it's wrong. That's the thing. That's why my transmitter's so important. If we could just talk to people. That's what it's all about in the end, talking. You can fight your enemies from dawn until dusk, but until you change their minds, they'll just rise up again in the morning.

ZOE CRICK: Hm. A bit like zombies, in fact.

JODY MARSH: It's not just the UK, either. I'm hoping to get a booster that will let us speak to other countries. The whole world! If I can manage it.

ZOE CRICK: That would be amazing. We could find out what's going on in... well, I don't know. Outer Mongolia!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: We could broadcast the show to them.

JODY MARSH: Lucky Outer Mongolia. Oh! They'd get to listen to something like this!

ZOE CRICK: It must be weird, though.

JODY MARSH: What?

ZOE CRICK: Being in charge and then having Janine come back and suddenly you're [laughs] taking orders again.

JODY MARSH: Not really. I mean, I'd probably do what Janine said even if she wasn't officially in charge. She's just got that sort of personality.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's true. She made some comments about my hair getting long the other day and Zoe had to talk me out of getting it buzz cut. Just didn't want to disappoint her.

ZOE CRICK: I'd hate to have had your job, though, Jody. I mean, all that responsibility! [laughs] I can barely take care of myself, let alone half the country.

JODY MARSH: It's funny. I thought I'd find it dead stressful, and it was, but I kinda liked it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Inner control freak coming out?

JODY MARSH: No! Well, yeah. I'm not saying I'm not a big old bossy boots, but it was more than that. It made me feel good knowing I was helping people.

ZOE CRICK: You've always helped people, though. You've saved more lives than I've had hot dinners, and I like my food.

JODY MARSH: I've done my bit, but it's easy doing what you're told, isn't it? Making the decisions, the hard decisions, that's a whole different thing. When you do that so other people don't have to, it's like you're... I don't know, uh, lifting this huge burden off them, and they don't even know it. So I'm glad I did it, but I'm glad Janine's carrying it now, as well.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, this one's for you, Janine De Luca. We all owe you one.

BERNARD PRIOR: Fairest listeners, good morrow to you! And what a zippy tune! Did you bliss out? I believe that's the lingo. You might think ruddy old Bernard has never been to a right old rave-up. And you'd be right. But I have been to a concert or two where the bass drums were off the hook. [laughs] Just my little joke. I'm actually very fond of The Smiths in my more soft-shoed moments. More tunes, vicar?

BERNARD PRIOR: Now, as those delicate notes fade away, let's get down to business. Careful listeners, as I am confident you are aware, I, your humble host, doth occasionally attempt to bring a tot of political philosophy to the old airwaves, investigating how ancient ideas of governance and legislature apply to our savage realpolitik red in tooth and claw. However, it is with a heavy heart I must tell you that, as a mere radio presenter, I do have to abide by the diktats of my superiors. More on those diktats after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, word from on high is -

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be more accessible to the great unwashed, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh, Amelia. You're here. And could you please watch your phrasing? Many of my listeners have suffered through soap rationing.

AMELIA SPENS: Now Bernard, we have always had soap in Fort Canton. The people who said there was a soap shortage were not to be believed. Who would believe anyone who was so poorly groomed? Anyway, your show going forward. I like to think of it as a sympathetic refurbishment of a well-loved classic. A stylish new jacket on a saggy old body.

BERNARD PRIOR: My show hardly needs refurbishing, or as I suspect, completely demolishing and replacing with a shopping arcade.

AMELIA SPENS: You need to be accessible! Enough of this political philosophy claptrap.

BERNARD PRIOR: One does wonder what could be more accessible, dear hearts, than the machinations of our very systems of governance.

AMELIA SPENS: One word: ratings. Ratings are the powers that be in this game, and Fort Canton Today needs to be more populist, reach a little further than the metropolitan elite. You need to lower your common denominator. Which is why from now on, this show will be mainly movie reviews.

BERNARD PRIOR: Film reviews. I think you'll find in England, we call them films.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, whatever. Good grief. And stop sulking! This reboot comes with perks.

BERNARD PRIOR: I'm delighted to let you know, listeners, Amelia is referring to a glittering stack of old VHS cassettes and a top-loading player supplied to old Bernard precisely for such noble pursuits. [sighs] So stay tuned, fragrant listeners, for Bernard's government-sanctioned thoughts on flicks.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, cheer up, B! You might enjoy it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Could it not at least be the high arts? Opera, ballet, classical music. Something to delight the senses, something I can bring a bit of my special Bernard magic to. A sprinkling of wonder.

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, I think this will be magical enough for anyone.

BERNARD PRIOR: And there's no, I don't know, conflict of interest here?

AMELIA SPENS: Whatever do you mean?

BERNARD PRIOR: Are you, Miss Spens, using your political position to influence the media in a way that benefits your personal business interests?

AMELIA SPENS: Bernard, you need to stop listening to the haters.

ZOE CRICK: So, a little birdy told me that you went on a date last night.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Is this the same birdy that kept you informed about Jody's transmitter?

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. [laughs] It's a birdy with a wide and varied range of interests. A renaissance birdy, if you will. So, how did it go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, it was lovely!

ZOE CRICK: Really?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! It was so funny. When she saw me, she flung her arms straight around me.

ZOE CRICK: Wow. Quick worker.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Turned out I looked just like her brother who's been missing since Day Zero.

ZOE CRICK: Oh.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah! So then she had a bit of a cry, and then she took me back to her room.

ZOE CRICK: Oh. More promising.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: To look at all these family albums she'd managed to save. It was really moving.

ZOE CRICK: Right. Then did you shag?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: What? No! I look like her brother. That would be weird.

ZOE CRICK: So when you said it was lovely, you actually meant it was a complete disaster?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: No, she's a really nice person! I hope we can be friends.

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Philip Cheeseman, what am I going to do with you?

BERNARD PRIOR: Hail, gentle listeners. Ahoy-hoy and aloha and welcome. Barricade those windows, sit back, crack open your ration packs, and get ready for muster. Point of interest, your intrepid raconteur Bernaldo has received many a missive about our upcoming change of tack. I am of course delighted to report that I've had a fair number of angry screeds lamenting the loss of my political insights.

For example, "Are you being silenced?" writes Heartbroken in Radial. Oh, Broken, I can assure you, Bernard will never be silenced by the Man! Or the Woman.

STEVE SISSAY: Hello, loves. Welcome back to A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution, an audio series with me, your explosive host, Steve Sissay. I'm going to be talking to you about one of my two favorite things, explosives. And perhaps you can have a guess at the other one while you listen to this.

TEVE SISSAY: So, time for a few basics. There are three ways to make an explosion. There's a chemical reaction. That's your old nitroglycerin, your Semtex, your C-4, all based on reactions that release a hell of a lot of energy. That's why we like to make sure we stand well back. Never return to a bomb once the fuse is lit. [laughs]

Then you have your pressure releases, gas canisters and so on. And of course, finally, we have nukes. Eh, fair enough, when that's the effect you want. But for my money, they lack intimacy. I don't like to be reckless. Well, I do like to be a little reckless sometimes. But when I do blow something up, I do like to feel the heat on my face. That's a lot less fun with a nuke.

STEVE SISSAY: I know what you're thinking. All right, sunshine, nice talk, but how do I get my paws on them? And for that, you're going to have to consider an age-old question: shop bought or homemade? Give it a ponder.

STEVE SISSAY: Okay, so you've decided you want the ready-mades first. Sensible choice for the busy saboteur on the run. So where are you going to get them? Everyone's first thought: Army bases! Only trouble with that? It was everyone's first thought. If you can find an Army munitions store that isn't cleared out or occupied, you're a better forager than me. And trust me, you're not a better forager than me. Besides, come a little closer. Let uncle Steven tell you a little something. There's someone out there who had a lot more explosives stock-piled than the Army. See if you can work out who it is during this.

STEVE SISSAY: [laughs] Okay, okay. No more suspense. Where's the best place to hunt down explosives? Well, loves, it's mines. Old mines! The mining industry used more explosives than anyone, and a lot of mines are abandoned with fully-stocked storerooms. So grab yourself a hard hat and go mining for your own treasure. Fill your boots with lovely, lovely ammonium nitrate emulsions. Now be careful none of the cartridges are leaking, and maybe don't actually put them in your boots. Bring a metal box with you.

ZOE CRICK: Are those bags I can see under your eyes?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. [sips coffee] Maybe.

ZOE CRICK: They definitely are. And that's your third cup of coffee. Was someone out late last night?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yes, fine. I was on a date last night.

ZOE CRICK: Ooh, and it was a late one!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, the weather's been so nice, I thought we could go for a moonlight picnic.

ZOE CRICK: Nice! You've got game.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but I think the game in question might be Ludo.

ZOE CRICK: Oh God, what happened?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Well, I thought it would be slightly less romantic if any zombies joined us for the picnic, so we did it inside Abel grounds.

ZOE CRICK: So far, so sensible.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I took Christine around the back of the strawberry fields. Only no one told me Janine had been using it as a training ground for new runners.

ZOE CRICK: Your date's still alive, right?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but we stumbled over this, uh, trap Janine had put on the path.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, bloody hell.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: It's okay. I saw it in time and shouted at her to mind out.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, thank goodness.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Only me shouting gave her such a shock, she tripped and fell in one of Janine's camouflaged pits. She broke her collarbone and her left leg.

ZOE CRICK: It's like you've got this special talent for disaster.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Mm. Maxine says she's going to be fine. She's in quite a lot of pain, though. I swapped all those Ordnance Survey maps I've been hoarding for enough morphine to see her through. But understandably, she's not that keen on seeing me. So, um... [sips coffee] this one's by way of an apology.

BERNARD PRIOR: And I have another communiqué here that begins "Mon Cher Bernard." Oh. Excuse me, listeners. This is perhaps my first frisky fanmail. I was warned this would happen, but it had actually been a longer wait than I understood was usual. Of course, in the interest of chivalry, I can't share most of it, but I will say thank you to – oh, let me see who it's from.

Oh. Goodness. Margot. Margot, I... Gosh. Listeners, I must inform you, in the interest of radio transparency, that I am blushing. Oh my. And there's a P.S. here. "I must tell you, Bernard, that although I suggested we should meet, it will be difficult as I am currently in Chalk Valley." Oh. Oh no.

STEVE SISSAY: You're listening to Steve Sissay, and this is A Guide to Effective Problem-Solving and Conflict Resolution. That wasn't my first choice of title, by the way. I wanted to call the show Going Kaboom! With Steve Sissay. But um, yeah. Some people thought that was a little frivolous.

STEVE SISSAY: Now before I move on to talking about DIY explosions, I've had a letter from a listener. I'm broadcasting from a highly secret location, so there are really only a handful of people this could be from, listeners. I know who I hope it's from. [paper rustles] Ah yes. "Dear Steven, what is your favorite kind of explosion?" Well now, [laughs] I think that's a rather personal question, but I'll see if I can think of an answer suitable to broadcast during this song.

STEVE SISSAY: There is one kind of explosion I love maybe more than all the others. It's not one that has a lot of practical applications, but it is glorious. Say it with me: dust explosion. Have you ever seen a great pyrotechnic effect in a movie? The way the air seems to catch fire. That's not actually what it'd look like if you planted Semtex. But to get that beautiful effect, they often use the technique of suddenly igniting a high concentration of flammable particles in the air.

Ever heard of a grain silo explosion? Same thing. Dust in the air suddenly catching light all at once. Beautiful. And often fatal. Not something you're often able to use to your advantage, but if there's a high concentration of organic particles in the air and you've got a suitable source of ignition, it could be time for a light show.

STEVE SISSAY: Back to DIY. Of course, it used to be that if you tried to leave your local DIY store with a trolley full of fertilizer and drain cleaner, you'd get your credit card details passed to GCHQ. Nowadays, it's easy pickings. Life's a lot simpler when you don't have to queue at the checkout. DIY downsize, or of course, fighting zombies in the aisles. Although I always feel if I'm going to fight zombies, a shop that sells chainsaws is the place to do it.

ZOE CRICK: So?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't.

ZOE CRICK: How did the date go?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know what you're asking. Don't.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, you can't tell me this one went badly. I spent weeks finding Lulu for you. She was your perfect woman. For God's sake, she even likes The Alan Parsons Project. Do you know rare that is in a person who's otherwise sane?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know. That was the problem. She was too perfect. Started worrying I was going to mess it up. So I chickened out and canceled the date.

ZOE CRICK: Okay. Well, that's pathetic, but not disastrous. You just need to arrange another one.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Yeah, but the thing is... when I was radioing her to tell her I couldn't come, I couldn't think of an excuse, so um... I told her I had – [whispers] genital warts.

ZOE CRICK: You what?!

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I panicked. It's the first thing I thought of.

ZOE CRICK: You needed an excuse, and that was the first thing that came to mind? No, don't tell me why. I don't want to know.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: So obviously I can't ask her out now.

ZOE CRICK: But you don't have -

[speaking simultaneously]

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't say it!

ZOE CRICK: - genital warts!

[speaking in turn]

ZOE CRICK: Okay, but you don't have the thing you won't let me say.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: I know.

ZOE CRICK: So tell her. Or I'll tell her. I mean, that's not a conversation I ever wanted to have, but for the sake of your love life, I'll do it.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh, thanks, but there's no point. My name is now indelibly associated in her mind with... that. It's bound to be a bit of a passion-killer.

ZOE CRICK: [sighs] I despair. All right, listeners, this one's for anyone out there who really is suffering from... that

BERNARD PRIOR: You know what I miss about the old days, listeners? Ah, so many things. The Times crossword. Not that old Bern completed more than a clue or two, and that was on a good day. But it was a comfort to know it was there. A stroll though the woods in autumn. A pot of cocoa with nutmeg on top. And call me a nostalgic old fool, but I do miss being able to visit long lost true loves without several sets of travel papers. You know, the simple things.

BERNARD PRIOR: Dearest friends, I have to confess, Bernard is no movie buff. I can enjoy a night at the flicks as much as anyone, of course. I have a soul. I can be moved. But I would not call myself a connoisseur of the art of the motion picture. However, I watched Jurassic Park last night, and I did find it rather jolly. And surprisingly, full of practical tips. Stay tuned. My full review after this.

BERNARD PRIOR: So, fateful friends, Jurassic Park. Quite the survival guide. Are there so many differences between a Tyrannosaurus rex and a large zombie? Maybe not. Should we all take the time to learn how to reboot a Unix system? Perhaps not all of us. That would surely be overkill.

But never underestimate taking a nerd of some description on your raiding party. Who knows when you'll need to break into a computerized system or reconfigure the power grid? Mr. Spielburg sending a worthwhile lesson to us all, I think. And as for philosophy, there was much to muse on. Life will find a way, eh, Mr. Goldblum? But whose life, ours or theirs?

Jurassic Park was quite the timely reminder that our world has been a home to great change already. The seasons turn, as do the dominant species'. Bernie's rating: four shining stars. Heavens above. Now Amelia Spens, our glorious benefactor, tells me it's imperative I inform you that the VHS cassette of Jurassic Park is available to rent from Fort Canton General Stores for a modest fee.

STEVE SISSAY: I've had another letter. From the handwriting, this is from the same person, and uh – [paper rustles] Ah, yes. [laughs] You want to know about the explosions that aren't fit for broadcast? [laughs] Excuse me, listeners. I'm going to have to take this one off-air.

AMELIA SPENS: How's it going, Mr. B?

BERNARD PRIOR: Oh! A surprise visit, dear heart. How thoughtful. I reviewed a film. Did you hear?

AMELIA SPENS: I did. Excellent job. There is really no need to reference zombies so much. It's not like we're going to forget about them as we run from hordes of them, have to kill our loved ones who've turned into them, and scavenge for food in an unimaginable hellscape.

BERNARD PRIOR: I've not noticed you doing any of those things.

AMELIA SPENS: Well, of course not. I have no loved ones.

BERNARD PRIOR: Shrewd as ever.

AMELIA SPENS: Thank you. But please try and remember, people tune in to Fort Canton Today for escapism. Bread and circuses, B.

BERNARD PRIOR: That's all very well, but how about subjects relevant to peoples' lives?

AMELIA SPENS: Oh, like what? Another lecture on the thoughts of Desmond Hume?

BERNARD PRIOR: David Hume.

AMELIA SPENS: People have enough mortal threats to worry about without you boring them to death.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about some investigative journalism?

AMELIA SPENS: [sighs] What do you have in mind?

BERNARD PRIOR: A deep dive into the free movement of people.

AMELIA SPENS: I can't do anything about the wall.

BERNARD PRIOR: How about Chalk Valley?

AMELIA SPENS: Chalk Valley voted to take themselves out of our free state coalition. And if they don't want people from Radial moving there, we can't really let people from Chalk Valley go wherever they want, can we? They've made their position clear, and if they like isolation so much, let's leave them to it.

BERNARD PRIOR: Ahoy-hoy to thee, fragrant listeners. It is I, your genial host and humble servant, Bernard Prior, bringing you all you need to know about life in New – Fort Canton. Welcome once more to Fort Canton Today.

And hark, fellow Cantonians. I've had another missive from a treasured listener. In this particular case, the rather improbably named Quiffy Boy. Well met, young Quiffy, who writes, "Dear Bernard, are you really a fan of The Smiths, or were you joking? If it was a joke, please do not joke about such things. Morrissey and Marr were a genius combination, the like of which we will never see again. On the other hand, if you are a fan, please tell us your favorite track. Regards, Quiffy Boy."

Well now, young Quiffy, perhaps this tune will answer your plaintive query.

BERNARD PRIOR: I am, of course, just joking. I adore Manchester's finest export, [?]. My favorite track... well, what difference does it make? [laughs] And you know Quiffy, as a boy, I had a pet rat called Morrissey. And handsome black and brown fellow he was, and so smart, he could have been a city stockbroker. Quite the furry adventurer, always mounting bold escapes from his cage and going to terrify Father or other such derring-do. Quite the devilish rogue, he was.

So named because on several of his bids for freedom, he was caught snacking on Mother's gladioli. I gave him a Viking burial on the local pond when he finally passed. Such a sight. That flaming shoebox sinking beneath the pondweed brought a soulful tear to the eye of your genial host's teenage self. [sniffs]

BERNARD PRIOR: And you know something, patient listeners? I threw a nubbin of best-aged Stilton into that pond every year until I left home for the big bad world. Good night, sweet Morrissey the rat, wherever you are now. This one's for you.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Hello, citizens. Thank you for tuning in to us today when we've got the beautiful and talented Jody Marsh back in the studio with us. She can knit a jumper like you wouldn't believe and has clocked some of the fastest times for the Macks Pharmacy run of any Abel runner.

JODY MARSH: Uh, thanks!

ZOE CRICK: [laughs] Don't worry. He's been practicing compliments. [whispers] For his dates.

JODY MARSH: [whispers] Oh, I see.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: [clears throat] Jody's here to talk about the political situation in our country today.

JODY MARSH: Am I?

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh... yep. We're a nation divided along complicated social and political lines, and you're here to give Abel's perspective on the current situation?

JODY MARSH: Oh. Um, well, Zoe said she'd just run out of good jokes, and would I mind coming on the show and spouting any old nonsense for a few minutes until she thinks up some more?

ZOE CRICK: To be fair, that is actually a direct quote.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Right. Well, I don't think that's really a great use of Radio Name Pending's airtime, so we'll be back with some serious discussion right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That song was chosen by Jody Marsh, former commander-in-chief of Abel Township, who's with us in the studio right now.

ZOE CRICK: Jody's here to talk about the current socioeconomic situation, apparently.

JODY MARSH: Uh, actually, I was thinking. I can bang on about Abel's side of things and Abel's version of the story until the cows come home, but the only people who'll believe me are the ones who already do.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: That's not true.

JODY MARSH: No, I think it is. So maybe I could just answer peoples' questions on Rofflenet? You can do that, right? Get people to send in questions?

ZOE CRICK: Oh, definitely. Although... if they're anything like the name suggestions we've had -

JODY MARSH: Well, I'll take the chance.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Okay. Yeah. Yeah, I like that. All right, citizens. If you've got a question for Jody Marsh -

JODY MARSH: Any question at all, really.

ZOE CRICK: Any question broadcastable on a family show.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Uh, send it to us on Rofflenet, and Jody'll answer you. In the meantime, have you got another tune for us, Jody?

JODY MARSH: Yeah. This is one that – actually, this one always makes me think of Runner Five, Abel's head of runners. Hope you enjoy it.

ZOE CRICK: Welcome back, listeners. And some of you have been very quick off the mark because we've got our first question for Jody Marsh, Abel Township's former commander-in-chief.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: And the first question is... oh. Uh, I'm not sure I should read that.

JODY MARSH: I said I'd answer anything.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Oh it's, well... Okay. "Where do you get off fighting the Minister when all she wants to do is unite the country and get us back on our feet? You should be ashamed of yourself."

ZOE CRICK: I'm not sure there's actually much of a question in there.

JODY MARSH: No, there is. And it's a good one. Because what we're doing is creating more chaos than if we weren't doing it. If we just surrendered, the country would be more peaceful, but the thing is, it wouldn't be more free and it wouldn't be more fair. The price the Minister wants for peace is much too high. She won't settle for anything less than total obedience. And once she's got it, once she can do whatever she wants, you'll find out what she's really like.

Whoever you are that asked that question, you've only seen her nice face because right now, you're not a threat to her. But step out of line and you'll see the Sigrid we here at Abel have known all along: the monster who can kill and torture without conscience. That's why we don't surrender, why we'll never surrender. We want to save anyone else from having to face that monster.

ZOE CRICK: Yeah. Yeah. That's exactly right. Jody'll be back to answer more questions right after this.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Ah, thank God. This is a much nicer question. "Jody, if you could go back to the world before the zombies for just one day, what would you do?

JODY MARSH: I'd spend it with my family.

ZOE CRICK: Oh, that's a rubbish answer.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Zoe!

ZOE CRICK: No, but I mean, we'd all spend it with our families. Of course we would. I mean, apart from people who had really awful families, and they'd probably spend it with their friends. But what would you actually do? One day, the old world, no zoms. The world's your oyster.

JODY MARSH: Okay. I need to have a think about that.

PHIL CHEESEMAN: Don't go anywhere, citizens!

#zombies run #zrs6 #s6 radio #s6 radio part 4 #zr transcript

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justanotherprowrestlingblog · 6 years

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Slammiversary XVI Review: Sunday July 22nd, from the Rebel Complex in Toronto,CA

Petey Williams vs Fenix vs Taiji Ishimori vs Johnny Impact:[****1/4]

Originally Rich Swann was scheduled for this match but he got injuried during the MLW event from NY so he got replaced by Petey (wishing Swann a speedy recovery). It made the match a little worse because Swann is a better high flyer then Petey but my god what a match it was! Crazy fast from the start, everyone had his time to shine, big cool spots like that stunning springboard double footstomp from Fenix who stole the Show with Impact. He was going for the, i believe, a muscle buster on petey but he got caught by a superkick from Johnny that lead him the win with his starpship pain on his return to Impact. Great win, super awesome match you should check out. Great start to the PPV and great return for Johnny Impact.

Winner: Johnny Impact

Tessa Blanchard vs Allie:[***1/4]

Surprisingly a really good match even tho i wasn't expecting it to be this good. Probably also one of Allie's best matches on Impact as she and Tessa had really good chemistry as the match went on. They took some nasty spots too like Tessa's frankensteiner or even the Allie Valley Driver on the Floor. The canadian showed a new side of her since she went Demon Bunny but this time got short as she got nailed by tessa's hammerlock DDT that got her the win and her first on PPV. Probably it won't go on this feud as i smell Tessa being the next challenger for the Impact Knockouts title

Winner: Tessa Blanchard

House of Hardcore Match: Eddie Edwards vs Tommy Dreamer:[***]

Solid hardcore match who personally was good and it wasn't as bad as i originally thought. The new eddie edwards is pure gold as he went fully psycho and change completely himself. They put on a good hardcore match, not really exciting tho but it had a good mix of wrestling and storytelling too, like the moment when Eddie asked Dreamer to hit him in the head with the kendo stick...as dreamer wanted to set a table on fire he got caught by a low blow and a ddt by eddie..boston knee party with the help a chair and game set and match...post match Eddie had a breakdown where he kinda wanted to hit Dreamer but helped him stand up and Alisha came to the ring to get Eddie to shake Dreamer's hand but it turned out that Dreamer gave him the kendo stick and left the ring...interesting...very interesting...

Winner:Eddie Edwards

X Division Championship: Brian Cage vs Matt Sydal:[***1/4]

Another solid match thus far as this time we had a slow start with Sydal gaining momentum by working on Cage's knees so he could keep him on the ground and have an advantage over him, but as the match went on, both guys picked up the pace and the match got much better. Sydal went all out with some crazy counters like the drill claw into a hurricanrana or even when he powerbombed cage who went for a checky hurricanrana...then we had the finish: Sydal went for the shooting star press, caught the ropes, bad landing, drill claw and Cage won the title. For the result, Cage win is good but i believe he won't be X Division champ for long as it would be interesting to use his title reign like in the past TNA did with Option C. On the finish, i believe it was a botch as Cage raised his foot but Sydal missed him as he hit the ropes with his feet, unless it was planned to end like this First title match of the night and first title change. Will we have more?

Winner AND NEW X Division Champion: Brian Cage

Knockouts Championship: Madison Rayne vs Su Yung:[**3/4]

It was an enjoyable match but not as good as the other Knockouts match. They used some shenaningans to elevate Su's character and all the brides maid at ringside. Rayne looked great and was a good babyface challanger but at the end of the day she felt short after Yung applied her disgusting mandible choke. Post match was great as Su layed Madison in the coffin she used for her entrance sending a big message. The way they are booking Su Yung's character is great, not much during matches, but all her angles and the backstage stuff is cool. Will we finally get the undead bride vs the Hive queen soon?

Winner AND STILL Knockouts Champion: Su Yung

5150 Street Fight for the Impact Tag Team Championship: LAX vs OGZ:[****]

This match was actually really really good: it was what a street fight is supposed to be: violent, not much wrestling, carnage and lots of fun. They used the stipulation really well and also the various weapons: the table spots, the ladder could have been used better but still the double team spot was nice. I thought that the OGZ would win so the feud would go longer but the champs picked up the win thanks to a Konnan interference who distracted Homicide who got hit later on the thumbtacks with a bodyslam followed by a frog splash from Santana. The finish was ok as it really set nicely the post match with King had enough and assault Konnan and his young pops and took the belts with them after he marked them with the OGZ. This feud is not over and i believe it might lead to a rematch in some kind of pre-taped Final deletion style match. Hopefully because this feud, which has been great so far, need a memorable ending.

Winner AND STILL Impact Tag Team Champions: LAX

Mask vs Hair: Sami Callihan vs Pentagon Jr:[****1/2]

I was really hyped for this match, because Callihan is a fucking badass heel and Pentagon is one of my favourite wrestlers coming out of LU, but this match was even better than my expactiations. Jesus what a great match! They started fast and then the match got brutal with the Spikes spot who problably won't make me sleep tonight, the chairshots, the super zero factor on the chair and callihan even kicked out! Maybe the refbump wasn't really necessary but it kinda added something more to the match...finish was really great as Callihan made Pentagon snap and he replied by snapping his arm and hitting the zero factor for the second time. Post match Callihan tried to sneak out from the headshave but Fenix caught him with his brother and now Callihan will be bold. This match is probably Impact's MOTY at the moment and it's a match you should check out as soon as you can. Some of you might not enjoy the violence in this match, like all the spikes stuff, but it made so much sense to the storytelling and heated things up. Kudos to both of them for a crazy good match.

Winner: Pentagon Jr

Impact World Championship: Moose vs Austin Aries:[****]

While watching this match i had the feeling they would screw up everything, because sometimes it happens with Impacts main events but thank god they didn't because we had a really great main event to close the show. It was easily the best singles match Moose ever had and he and Aries had a really great chemistry and what it made the match good is that they start fast and kept picking up the pace. Moose went ballsy with some spots like the dive on the ramp and shined big time, proving that he is a really good big men, while Aries proved once again that he is a really great wrestler and that WWE made a big mistake by not giving him a chance outside 205. Result came outta nowhere as i wasn't expecting Aries to keep the title cause i felt it was Moose's time to win the gold after they have done a solid buildup around him and also the way the match was heading made me think about a title change, but for once,a heel won in a smart way. Unless they have something big in mind for the title at Bound For Glory (BFG series please), i think we will have Cage vs Aries for the title. Great main event for a great Slammiversary.

Winner AND STILL Impact World Heavyweight Champion: Austin Aries

Overall: I loved Slammiversary: it was the kind of shows i like: less talking, less BS, no stupid surprises, no stupid angles but just matches that are good and make sense with the storylines. Nothing was bad in this show, nothing suprisingly because even the bad matches on paper were ok. 3 hours of great wrestling and great matches with the roster coming out really strong from this event. Loving the Callis-D'amore era so far. Kudos to everyone involed, best Impact PPV in a long time. Hopefully BFG can be as good as this one or as good as Redemption [8.75]

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